I was scrolling an incorrect glee quotes account on twitter and saw MY QUOTE so I’m happy!!! People found it funny enough to use for their own fandoms!!

Hi!

I'm glad I got the fairy cowboy vibes 💖 I've dyed hair my hair before, but not in a while I'd like to go peach maybe! It always looks good on other people and it's such a sweet color so I'd like to try it for myself 🙂

I checked out your art blog! Your art style is pretty! Camryn is so cute 🥺 What's the celestial realm like? And her partner!

I'm glad you liked Dreamer, I didn't like Sticker either but NCT bsides are always really good so I check them out every time they have comebacks.

I like to dance when I cook and clean, it really makes my day better to do something silly and with no impact.

What holiday do you think would be Camryn's favorite? It can even be one you made up! What's yours? I think mine is Halloween 🙂 It's not fully cold yet and the leaves are just starting to turn and the movies are always super fun.

🔍

Okay this is fuckin long as hell I really got carried away with it but yeah!! Hello bestie I hope your day has been going well!!~🤗

I’m sure you’d look amazing in peach colored hair I support this!! Plus I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone not suit peach idk~ I just think it’s lovely on everyone:D

Thank you so much!!!!💛💛 I’m genuinely touched you wanna hear about me ramble on about things that aren’t even related to the event or fandom at all🥺

ahem! anyways! the celestial realm is gonna be where the conflict is, so although it’s basically the heaven realm, in the story it isn’t so heavenly anymore. Very sanitized, stark, but it’s still very beautiful it’s just now clean but sickly so. No soul no coziness anymore. You know when you’re little n you go to like a family friends house or smth n their house is really nice. It’s all really pretty but, ‘don’t touch anything’ n ‘don’t sit too deep on the couch!! Be still! It’s very much that ki nd of vibe. I’m going to be referencing multiple eras for this one; rococo, medieval, renaissance, and industrial revolution (just for the hair styles mostly lol).

Her partner’s name is Frankie (she/they)! They’re a night sky elf, I kind of made it up but it’s also not that original but I’ll describe my ver. because lots of people n stories have starry characters. So in the sky realms, there’s day sky realm n night sky realm, she’s the latter. So she has a dark skin and freckles like the night sky!! Their hair is galaxy colored!~ She’s a witch, specializing in divination and potiondry. She also just has unique star / cosmos powers from being a night sky elf!

And yeah it’s true nct’s bsides are very underrated. I love the flow they have a lot of their songs when they sing it just feels like they’re having fun! So they’re perfect to dance to when you cook n clean!

Hmmmmmm I haven’t even thought about holidays for this au!! Since she’s part human n is in the human realm a lot I feel like she’d love the autumn n winter holidays cuz a lot of it has to do with baking and she loves it n her mom runs a bakery! If I had to choose it’d be Valentine’s Day. She’s just a lover. She would probably make a Valentine for every person she’s ever met! It’s sweets plus love that’s basically her!!<3 I’ll have to come up with unique holidays for the celestial realm but I plan on the night sky realms to have a bunch of holidays related to constellations, moon phases, eclipses and comets that sort of thing!🥰

My fav holiday is probably Halloween too!! It’s the queerest holiday around!! Plus autumn is debatably the best season, just barely beating out spring. But spring holidays are kinda lame.

Do you have any ocs or other fandoms or etc? I’m really intrigued to know!💞💞

Convoluted Jade Winglet headcanons?

I'm curious!! /gen

Noble anon and great friend, I am so glad you asked. This post will probably be long so <3 I'll put a tl;dr at the beginning.

Just a warning, in case someone hasn't read them - this will contain spoilers for the Jade Mountain Arc and Legends: Darkstalker!

TL;DR: The Jade Winglet is composed of multiple reincarnations of the Darkstalker: Legends characters. Moonwatcher is the reincarnation of Clearsight; Turtle is the reincarnation of Fathom; Kinkajou is the reincarnation of Indigo; and Qibli is supposed to be the reincarnation of Darkstalker, but Darkstalker never died.

So, this used to be a big theory of mine when the JM arc was still coming out, but I still cling to it as a headcanon. I just see so many parallels between the characters of these arcs and the Legends: Darkstalker characters. It's been a while since I've actually read those books, but I think my knowledge is still sound enough to write this. If not, who cares, I disregard canon anyway /lh. I am referencing pages on the Wings of Fire wiki pretty frequently as I write this, so props to those guys.

The background. Page 14 of Escaping Peril mentions that SkyWings have specific burial rituals, in hopes that the spirit of the dragon will be free and can be reincarnated into a SkyWing. Though this is FAR from being the definitive canon for dragon afterlife, this is the main jumping point for my reincarnation theories. It appears to be at least accepted in the SkyWing tribe that reincarnation is a thing that can happen to the souls of the departed.

Moonwatcher is the reincarnation of Clearsight. Personally, I always found a lot of similarity in their personalities. With Moonwatcher being the first prophetic (and mind-reading, but Clearsight's thing was prophecy) NightWing in centuries, it seems fitting that this is how Clearsight's spirit would return to the world. Her connection with Darkstalker was not like the one he shared with Clearsight (due to the age gap, ofc, and I am NOT a supporter of shipping the two in ANY capacity), but I felt I drew parallels between Moon's genuine trust in Darkstalker and Clearsight's. If I remember correctly, Darkstalker compared Moon's temperament to that of Clearsight a few times, though I can't be completely sure. Furthermore, Moon's evident involvement in Pantala now gives me more ground to support my funny little headcanon. Clearsight, as the """""""Founder"""""""" of Pantala as we know it, might find her spirit drawn to helping save the broken continent. This idea is also lightly supported by her starting a relationship in canon with Qibli but since I don't really care for that relationship, it's... much more of a backseat thing.

Turtle is the reincarnation of Fathom. After all, the first thing Darkstalker did upon emerging from the mountain was call Turtle by the ancient's name and promptly try to beat him up. That would pretty much confirm that they look super similar. Turtle is, of course, an animus and a member of the royal family--big whoop, that doesn't seem too uncommon in SeaWings. But personality-wise? I'd almost assert they're the exact same. Both fear their own power, both are nervous and easily flustered. And both end up challenging Darkstalker. If the wiki's right, they also go through similar arcs of learning that it's ok for them to be happy.

Kinkajou is the reincarnation of Indigo. This one took me the longest to think of and, yes, it is the biggest stretch. Indigo was a SeaWing, while Kinkajou is a RainWing (although, it appears as though the last known location for Indigo was the Rainforest, so... perhaps not as far-fetched?). But Kinkajou is tough--like when Darkstalker attacked Turtle, she jumped in to save him. And Turtle did have a crush on Kinkajou but that whole agitating love spell thing ruined all chances of that being smiled upon fandom-wise for a loooong time (thanks, Anemone :/). Anyway, Indigo always believed Darkstalker was up to no good, and then Kinkajou was the one who damned him to a fate of being a tiny rainbow hybrid dragonet with a singular fruit.

Originally I was going to say here that Winter is the reincarnation of Arctic, but the more I thought about it, the less it fit and the less I could justify it at all. Seems like Winter is either a different or a new soul, after all. Good for him. Anyway,

Qibli, the one who should have had a used soul. This might sound weird, but bear with me. Qibli was not swayed by Darkstalker's promises, and Darkstalker is known to be viciously manipulative and convincing. Qibli turned Darkstalker down, Qibli stood against some of the best manipulation in dragon history. That's striking to me. Only someone who really knows the tricks would be so resistant, I think. And more than just that, Qibli was GIFTED with wording spells and I vividly recall him constantly wishing he were an animus, as though there was just a part of him he felt was missing. Except there was no animus soul to give him, because Darkstalker never died. And perhaps this was so much for the better. Darkstalker and Qibli are both witty, intelligent, and observant, but Qibli didn't end up with an old, dark soul--there was a new one required for his place, one that was able to survive and stay good-hearted in a place as vicious as the Scorpion Den with dragons as heartless as his relatives. A soul so similar to Darkstalker, yet without the treachery, was a key piece in defeating the ancient evil. Though I do headcanon that, had Darkstalker been killed, Qibli would have been the reincarnation of that soul.

----

So that's basically it, I think? Feel free to call my bluff or burn my crops for this, but I think it's a fun and neat thing to headcanon and think about based on 1 line of SkyWing culture lore that we got, lol. If you wanna ask questions or discuss, I am totally in.

Obligatory request to ignore any grammatical errors or typos, I finished writing this at 1:30 AM and I think I started at like. Midnight lol.

Why all the white guys in whump?

I got Inspired by a post asking that question, and here we are. Warning: long post ahead.

I think it’s due to a combination of factors, as things frequently are.

The preference for / prevalence of white male characters in fandom is well-known and has been examined pretty thoroughly by people already.

What’s worth noting for discussing this tendency in whump in particular is that the ‘whump fandom’ itself is not a ‘fandom’ in the traditional sense of being made of fans of one single source narrative (or source setting, like a particular comics fandom, or the Star Wars extended universe) with pre-existing characters. Although subsets of traditional fandoms certainly exist within the larger whump fandom, a lot of whump is based on original, ‘fan’-created characters.

So, given the tendency of ‘traditional’ fandoms to create stories disproportionately centered on white male characters due to the source material itself being centered on white male characters (and giving more narrative weight to them, characterizing them better, etc), if we say hypothetically that the whump fandom is split say 50/50 between ‘traditional’ fandom works and original whump works, you’d expect to see a higher number of works focused on white men than the demographics of the ‘traditional’ fandom’s source work would predict, but not as extreme of a divergence between the source material & the fanworks as the one you’d see if whump fandom were 100% based on popular media.

However, that doesn’t quite seem to be the case. Whump stories and art remain focused on overwhelmingly male and frequently white characters, which means that the tendency of the fandom to create stories disproportionately centered on white male characters cannot be ONLY explained by the source material itself being centered on white male characters (and giving more narrative weight to them, characterizing them better, etc).

And, having established the fact that whump writers & artists presumably have MORE control over the design of their characters than writers & artists in ‘traditional’ fandoms, we have to wonder why the proportions remain biased towards men, & white men in particular.

—

The race thing is pretty simple in my opinion. Mostly, it’s just another extension of the fanbase’s tendency to reflect the (predominantly US-American, on tumblr) culture it exists in, which means that, in a white-centric culture, people make artworks featuring white people.

There’s also the issue of artists being hesitant to write works that dwell heavily on violence towards people of color due to the (US-American) history of people of color being violently mistreated. I’ve actually seen a couple of posts arguing that white people SHOULDN’T write whump of nonwhite characters (particularly Black characters) because of the history of actual violence against Black bodies being used as entertainment, which means that fictional violence against Black people, written by white people, for a (presumed) white audience, still feels exploitative and demeaning.

I'm not going to get into all my thoughts on this discussion here but suffice to say that there's probably an impact on the demographics of whump works from authors of color who simply... don't want to see violence against people of color, even non-explicitly-racialized violence, and then another impact from white authors who choose not to write non-white characters either due to the reasons stated above, or simply due to their personal discomfort with how to go about writing non-white characters in a genre that is heavily focused on interpersonal violence.

Interestingly enough, there’s also a decent proportion of Japanese manga & anime being used as source material for whump, and manga-styled original works being created. The particular relationship between US-American and Japanese pop culture could take up a whole essay just by itself so I’ll just say, there’s a long history of US-Japanese cultural exchange which means that this tendency is also not all that surprising.

—

GENDER though. If someone had the time and the energy they could make a fucking CAREER out of examining gender in whump, gender dynamics in whump, and why there seems to be a fandom-wide preference for male whumpees that cannot be fully explained by the emphasis on male characters in the source text.

I have several different theories about factors which impact gender preference in whump, and anyone who has other theories (or disagrees with mine) is free to jump in and add on.

THEORY 1: AUTHOR GENDER AND PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.
 Fandom in general is predominantly female, although these days it might be more accurate to say that fandom is predominantly composed of cis women and trans people of all genders. However, pretty much everyone who isn't a cis man has had to contend with the specter of gendered violence in their real personal life. Thus, if we posit whump (and fandom more generally) as a sort of escapist setup, it's not hard to see why whump authors & artists might willfully eschew writing female whumpees (especially in the case of inflicted whump), because (as in the discussion of people of color in whump above), even violence towards women that is explicitly non-gender-based may still hit too close to home for people whose lives have been saturated with the awareness of gender-based violence.

THEORY 2: SICK OF SEXY SUFFERING.
 Something of an addendum to theory 1, it's worth noting that depictions of female suffering in popular media are extremely gendered (in that they specifically reflect real-life gender-based violence, and that said real-life violence is almost exclusively referenced in relation to female characters) and frequently sexualized as well. There's only so many times you can see female characters having their clothes Strategically Ripped while they're held captive, being sexually menaced (overtly or implicitly) to demonstrate How Evil the villain is, or just getting outright sexually assaulted for the Drama of it all before it gets exhausting, especially when the narratives typically either brush any consequences under the rug, or dwell on them in a way that feels more voyeuristic and gratuitous than realistic and meaningful. All this may result in authors who, given the chance to write their own depictions of suffering, may decide simply to remove the possibility of gendered violence by removing the female gender.

THEORY 3: AUTHOR ATTRACTION. 
I'll admit that this one is more a matter of conjecture, as I haven't seen any good demographic breakdowns of attraction in general fandom or whump fandom. That said, my own experience talking to fellow whump fans does indicate that attraction to the characters (whether whumpers, or whumpees) is part of the draw of whump for some people. This one partially ties into theory 1 as well, in that people who are attracted to multiple genders may not derive the same enjoyment out of seeing a female character in a whumpy situation as they might seeing a male character in that situation, simply because of the experience of gendered violence in their lives.

THEORY 4: ACCEPTABLE TARGETS.
 The female history of fandom means that there's been a lot more discussion of the impacts of depicting pain & suffering (especially female suffering) for personal amusement. Thus, in some ways, you could say that there is a mild taboo on putting female characters through suffering if you can't "justify" it as meaningful to the narrative, not just titillating, which whump fandom rarely tries or requires anyone to do. This fan-cultural 'rule' may impact whump writers' and artists' decisions in choosing the gender of their characters.

THEORY 5: AN ALTERNATIVE TO MAINSTREAM MASCULINITY.
 Whump fandom may like whumping men because by and large, mainstream/pop culture doesn't let men be vulnerable, doesn't let them cry, doesn't let them have long-term health issues due to constantly getting beat up even when they really SHOULD, doesn't let them have mental health issues period. Female characters, as discussed in theory 2, get to ("get to") go through suffering and be affected by it (however poorly written those effects are), but typically, male characters' suffering is treated as a temporary problem, minimized, and sublimated into anger if at all possible. (For an example, see: every scene in a movie where something terrible happens and the male lead character screams instead of crying). So, as nature abhors a vacuum, whump fandom "over-produces" whump of men so as to fill in that gap in content.

THEORY 6: AMPLIFIED BIAS.
 While it's true that whump fandom doesn't have a source text, it's also true that whump fans frequently find their way into the fandom via other 'traditional' fandoms, and continue participating in 'traditional' fandoms as part of their whump fandom activity. Bias begets bias; fandom as a whole has a massive problem with focusing on white male characters, and fans who are used to the bias towards certain types of characters in derivative works absolutely reproduce that bias in their own original whump works.

—

I honestly think that there is greater bias in the whump fandom than anyone would like to admit. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems as though whump fans avoid introspection and discussion of the issue by bringing up the points I talked about in my previous theories, particularly discomfort with depictions of female suffering for amusement.

However, I think that, as artists, we owe it to ourselves and one another to engage in at least a small amount of self-interrogation over our preferences, and see what unconscious or unacknowledged biases we possess. It's a little absurd to argue that depictions of women as whumpees are universally too distressing to even discuss when a male character in the exact same position would be fine and even gratifying to the person making that argument; while obviously, people have a right to their own boundaries, those boundaries should not be used to shut down discussion of any topics, even sensitive ones.

Furthermore, engaging in personal reflection allows artists to make more deliberate (and meaningful) art. For people whose goal is simply to have fun, that may not seem all that appealing, but having greater understanding of one's own preferences can be very helpful towards deciding what works to create, what to focus on when creating, and what works to seek out.

—

GENDER ADDENDUM: NONBINARY CHARACTERS, NONBINARY AUTHORS. 
Of course, this whole discussion so far has been exclusively based on a male-female binary, which is reductive. (I will note, though, that many binary people do effectively sort all nonbinary people they know of into 'female-aligned' and 'male-aligned' categories and then proceed to treat the nonbinary people and characters they have categorized a 'female-aligned' the same way as they treat people & characters who are actually female, and ditto for 'male-aligned'. That tendency is very frustrating for me, as a nonbinary person whose gender has NOTHING to do with any part of the binary, and reveals that even 'progressive' fandom culture has quite a ways to go in its understanding of gender.)

Anyways, nonbinary characters in whump are still VERY rare and typically written by nonbinary authors. (I have no clue whether nonbinary whump fans have, as a demographic group, different gender preferences than binary fans, but I'd be interested in seeing that data.)

As noted above with female characters, it's similarly difficult to have a discussion about representation and treatment of nonbinary characters in whump fandom, and frankly in fandom in general. Frequently, people regard attempts to open discussions on difficult topics as a call for conflict. This defensive stance once again reveals the distaste for requests of meaningful self-examination that is so frequent in fandom spaces, and online more generally.

—

TL;DR: Whump is not immune to the same gender & racial biases that are prevalent in fandom and (US-American) culture. If you enjoy whump: ask yourself why you dislike the things you dislike— the answer may surprise you. If you create whump: ask yourself whose stories you tell, and what stories you refuse to tell— then ask yourself why.

I have seen not long ago a post about "spain's dark side" so...your opinion about that? (I kinda have a feeling of knowing why himaruya came up with that and, if I am right, I am not sure if I like it. It's not that I don't like the dark side thing, but if the reason is what I think, then I don't fancy it)

Great question! Please excuse the length of this response in advance, and if I go off on any tangents. To directly answer your question: I have a horrible feeling that Dark Spain is inspired by the Spanish Black Legend/La leyenda negra, and I don't like that at all. You've really hit on an important topic here, so I'm going to extend this discussion. I call this upcoming piece: Why I don't like Dark Spain and why we, as fans and creators, need to be mindful of how we enjoy our beloved series.

Side note before we begin: I'm going to be talking from a writer's perspective, since this is what I mostly do. My opinion is just that, nothing more. Some will agree with me, others won't, and that's okay. If you're happy with the terms, let's crack on.

Part 1: "Dark" characters I'm not against 2P or "dark" versions of a character if it's required for a particular setting. Let me show you what I mean, using some fic plots I just pulled from my head: Example one: You've got this gritty, fantasy gangster city plot. You use a real city as your location, but the characters are human. Antonio's the leader of a huge criminal organisation and therefore he will do incredibly bad things. It's trigger warnings ahoy. Is this portrayal okay? Sure. (read on before you hit that reply button) Example two: You're writing a horror fic. Antonio's a sexy merman who's more likely to decorate his cave with your entrails, than serenade you on a beach. Is this plot fine? Absolutely. It's dark af, but you're writing sexy merman horror. It kinda’ comes with the territory. Did you see how I wrote "fantasy" and "human" in bold? And did you see that I used Antonio, not Spain? There's a reason. I personally believe in this: When your story uses Hetalia characters in their human form (i.e: Antonio is just Antonio, he does not represent Spain), there's much more freedom and flexibility. I've read many excellent works with darker themes who use real locations alongside human versions of the characters, and do so brilliantly. They're wonderful stories, and they don't cause harm. They're fiction. Fantasy. Fiction. Did I mention fiction? On the flip side: When we are writing the characters as country personifications, who represent the people and the history, we must take proper precaution. The same applies to writing about historical events. (To be continued down below.)

Part 2: Dark Spain

As someone who's been in fandom 10+ years now, my problem with Dark Spain is this: a number of creators back in the old days seemed to agree with my Black Legend theory/concerns, and yet they willingly made content for it. Not everybody did this, but I certainly saw some who thought "wow dark crazy Spain because Inquisition", applied it to certain ships because "ohh angst leads to romance, what a plot" and that is wrong on so many levels. If you know the Spanish Black Legend, then you know how bad this is. It's an incredibly difficult topic because it is, in the simplest sense, massive propaganda designed to seriously damage a country's image. I welcome Spanish input on this, but personally I think using this as some edgy portrayal of Antonio in your fics is insulting. Don't bloody well do it.

(Please note that the fandom is MUCH better now, but it doesn't change the fact it has, and could still happen. I used past tense for a reason, as I do think things are improving.)

Russia is another character which suffers this treatment, and I do think we have a responsibility to be considerate. Many countries have done awful things, mine (the UK) included, and yet our characters have escaped receiving this Dark persona. It's not fair, it really isn't. It's a poor judgment call on Himaruya's behalf if my theory is true. If I'm wrong, then this argument is void. Either way I feel like Himaruya should've specified how and why Dark Spain came about. Part 3: Historical writing

Here's where it gets interesting. I'm not saying "don't write historical hetalia fanfiction", and I never will say it because historical fiction exists. You can go in your local bookshop and boom, people are making real money off it.

I'm not one of those lucky sorts, but I am contributing to that genre myself. Despite lots of magic, fantasy and general artistic license, my story Gatito can be considered historicaI.

It's set in England, 1569. Spain and the Netherlands are two of the main characters, and yes, their conflict is referenced. It coincides with the timeline, and all the while I write them as personifications, I can't pretend that tension between them doesn't exist. If I did, that'd probably be even more insulting to their history, and no doubt confusing for the reader.

The main plot is a daft mash of Arthur misusing his magic, a vile fictional man from Antonio's court who wants his head, and poor Netherlands and Portugal get wrapped up in the drama along the way.

The Dutch conflict is featured, but not the plot. The event is occurring right in the middle of a fictional disaster which Antonio is trying to overcome. It's acknowledged, but it's on the side, to put it simply.

I use human names (Antonio and Abel) and explore that situation from an emotional, human perspective. I do not claim that Abel is a victim, and no one thinks he is either. Personal HC time here: I don't think any of the characters look back at their history and think "wow, poor me". Everyone's made mistakes, and they've all played a role in hurting someone else. My history teacher once told me this: The more you look, the more you see. There's many sides to a story, and even to this day, I doubt historians have truly, faithfully documented events so that it's fair on every nation involved. That's why we need to try and learn history from multiple perspectives, and why when writing hetalia characters during a historical event, we should show the reader as many viewpoints as possible. If you don't, then... well. I frown at you. More on this in part 4.

Part 4: Conclusion/advice

I won't pretend to be a saintly figure in the fandom, and this rant is a bit of a mess, but I hope you get what I'm on about. Thank you if you're still reading.

I'm going to finish with a bit of advice that has helped me have a positive time, and allowed me to create works for a series I really love:

1- If your story is historical, and you purposely want to paint a country in a bad light, think before you do. Don't slander another country for the sake of your comfort character or ship. If your story is set during a battle then yes, they can moan about the opposition, but don’t go hardcore. You know what I mean.

2- Research, research, research.

3- You want to write a particular character. Their human name is unconfirmed, or you don't know a part of their history, but you want to write about it. What should you do? Talk. I had this very dilemma regarding Portugal's surnames, and I just asked Portuguese mutuals on Tumblr for help. I received numerous valid responses in under an hour, and I felt better for it. 10/10 highly recommend.

4- If you've gotta' write Dark Spain: Keep. It. Fictional. If you don't believe my theory behind it, cool, crack on. But if you agree with me, then yeah, I've said it enough. Respect the country.

5- DO explore history. It's fascinating.

6- If you write historical hetalia and you feel that something might be misunderstood: PLEASE USE DISCLAIMERS, END NOTES ETC. I write number 6 from experience. There is a scene in Gatito where a significantly stressed Antonio attempts to summarise the Dutch conflict. He's being blamed for countless fictional issues, and rather than think things through, he blames himself for Abel's pain as well. He does it on a purely emotional basis. Have you ever had that really bad day, and things keep getting worse? Someone comes along and says "you did x y z and I'm mad", and rather than argue your side, you accept it?

That's Antonio in that scene. I know it is, because that's how I intended it to be read. His answer is flawed, to say the least, but in his human heart, he can't help it. I used the end notes as a warning/apology/explanation for this scene. I don't want it to be misinterpreted, and I don't want to disrespect Spanish history.

7- If someone does comment/ask about a sensitive, historical part of your work: don't rant. And don't get offended. I believe we all need to talk more. Have conversations about HCs, how we would write/imagine different scenes, and use it to improve your work.

8- Have fun, and be sensible. Thank you again for reading, I hope this helps to some extent. I know I've thrown my opinion out here, but if you strongly disagree with me, don't @. Move on, embrace what you believe, and everyone's a winner. (This really should've been number 9 on the list haha.)

I’m in a The Amazing Devil Discord server and have been going wild with crazy insane theories about just about everything, drawing connections that probably don’t actually exist, and generally losing my mind over both Love Run and The Horror and the Wild. That being said, I do have a theory about THatW that, if it’s not true, at least merits me a tinfoil hat, I think. Just be warned, this post will be long, and yes, I will include receipts.

So here’s this theory and Joey, if you read this, just know that I’m impressed either at how much thought was put into this, or the sheer number of coincidences that make this work if it wasn’t planned. It’s turned me into a conspiracy theorist for the past four days or so? And it’s severely affected the amount of sleep I’ve been getting.

My basic theory here is that Joey and Madeleine aren’t singing as themselves throughout this album, they’re playing characters, and those characters are old gods. Joey is the Wild, Madeleine is Time. (Alternatively, she’s Horror, fitting with the album title, but as she’s never explicitly referred to as such, I’m not insisting on that point.)

Now, where am I getting this silly idea from? None other than the title track, of course, in which Joey sings, “witness me, old man, I am the Wild, and Madeleine sings, “And I am Time itself.” And yes, they are both capitalized like that in the lyrics.

So they explicitly refer to themselves as such. But Emily, you might be saying (or not, depending on how much you care), that’s one song! This is hardly an album’s worth of proof! Sure, they might be gods in this song, but what about the other eight? To which I say, hoo boy, I’m just getting started.

Before I continue, I’d like to add something about how their characters are depicted throughout the album: Joey is more cheerful, Madeleine is not. (see: Wild Blue Yonder, Marbles, Battle Cries.) Joey is whimsical, Madeleine is practical. (See Battle Cries especially, but you can also see this in Wild Blue Yonder.) Madeleine is referred to multiple times as being stronger than Joey, and appears to assume a more protective role over Joey’s childlike. This fits in with my theory, by the way, in a roundabout sort of way that involves some squinting. Joey is the Wild, which is...well, wild. Think of little kids: cheerful, whimsical, in need of protection. Madeleine is Time. She knows what has been, what is, and what will be. Of course she’s going to be more mature, practical, and pessimistic.

And why is this important? Well, it’s kind of how I’m tying together a lot of the rest of the album. (Not all of it; Farewell Wanderlust is a notable outlier in many ways, and some of my connections are tenuous at best, but we’re going to ignore that and pretend it’s all rock-solid. Rockrose-solid. I’m sorry, I’m very tired.) I’m ignoring The Rockrose and the Thistle a little bit in this post, not because I dislike it (it’s gorgeous), but because it’s stubbornly eluding my attempts to tie it into anything other than Elsa’s Song, which isn’t even part of this album.

The vast majority of what you need to know about these two characters is in The Horror and the Wild (the song), so I’m gonna copy/paste some lyrics, and go through them. (Actually, the copy/pasting is nonexistent, these lyrics are imprinted on my brain at this point. That being said, if there are errors, lmk and I will edit the post and fix them!)

So we’ve got Madeleine starting, singing about Joey, with “You were raised by wolves and voices, every night I hear them howling deep beneath your bed, they said it all comes down to you.” Aside from the fact that I have no clue why “it all” comes down to Joey, or anything with that last bit, maybe a few more late nights with a tinfoil hat will do the trick. That being said, the first line of the song references childhood specifically in relation to Joey. Notice also how wolves are referenced in Wild Blue Yonder (“we don’t know what’s out there/could be wolves”) and That Unwanted Animal (“‘What’s the time, Mr. Wolf,’ but you, you’re blind, you bleat, you bear your claws”). The whole “howling” thing and “deep beneath your bed” both pop up in That Unwanted Animal, too: “and on the wind it howls,” for one. And for the other, there’s “you [presumably Joey] make the bed up silent on the floor so no one hears us,” later followed later in the song by “and the door below us splinters, and the creature creeps inside.”

Following this, Joey sings about Madeleine: “you’re the daughter of silent watching stones, you watch the stars hurl all their fundaments, in wonderment at you and yours, forever asking more.” First of all, I’m gonna say that this is Joey’s point of view; later on, Madeleine will refute the daughter thing (“I’m not a drunkard, a daughter, a preacher”.) Anyway, “silent watching stones” could reference Wild Blue Yonder: “every stone you threw, I stood on to better see the view.” The view being the stars hurling all their fundaments?

(Incidentally, I knew vaguely what “fundament” meant, but I looked it up to make sure I had it right, and learned that, among its other meanings, “fundament” can mean “butt.” But I don’t think that’s what Joey had in mind with this. I just think y’all should appreciate it.)

Anyway, we’ve also got in Battle Cries, “With you I could summon the gods and the stars, make them dance out the plays that we wrote from the heart, and we’d laugh at the ghosts of our fears,” with Madeleine singing, “Come on, love, please don’t start, sing your notes play your part,” and then the part that gets me every time: M: “we were gods,” J: “we were kids.” Which is a whole other can of worms involving their personalities, which I’ve already briefly outlined. My point is the whole “gods and the stars” bit.

I could (and have, on Discord) done a full, in-depth analysis of this track, and I don’t want to go all over it again, but “I promise you, they’ll sing of every Time you passed your fingers through my hair and called me child, witness me, old man, I am the Wild” has both Time and Wild as proper nouns in the lyrics, plus reinforces Time’s view of the Wild as a child. No clue who the old man is, though.

In verse two, Madeleine sings, “you [Joey] are the son of every dressing-up box, and I am Time itself, I slow and let you play, I steal the hours, and turn the night into day.” Again, this reinforces Joey’s childlike aspects (which will later be hinted at in That Unwanted Animal, with the “god-child,” who’s clearly Joey), but also shows, as in the refrain, the fact that Time has a sense of protectiveness over the Wild, at least sometimes.

That being said, although I’ve obviously referenced other songs, I still have mostly focused on the title track. So. I’m going to go through some of the other songs real quick.

The songs on the album (again, excepting Rockrose, because my attempts to tie it in have been frustrating and not gone anywhere, Mr. Batey please explain) can be grouped into categories: songs outright referencing gods (THatW, Farewell Wanderlust, That Unwanted Animal, Battle Cries), songs about their relationship, (arguably all of them, although Welly Boots is a bit confusing), and songs that refuse to allow me to classify them (Rockrose).

I would argue that this entire album is about the relationship of two old gods, but I’m not quite sure what the chronology is of the album, because it seems like it can’t be straightforward. (Farewell Wanderlust, although its placement makes sense in the setup of the album, doesn’t make sense in the chronology of this theory.) Another important note in some way is that every song on the album, with the exception of Farewell Wanderlust, is about being there for someone, or steadfastness in some capacity, while Farewell Wanderlust is about abandonment. It’s an outlier in a lot of ways. (Though not as many ways as frickin Rockrose.)

I have been talking about this at great length (and almost incessantly) on Discord, so unless you want this post to get even longer, I’m going to run by some lyrics real quick to try and show a little bit my thought process.

- “He watches her get dressed as though she’s hurtling through time” (Fair)

- “And she is stronger than he has ever been, he knows” (Fair) versus “Without you, I’m stronger, I’m no longer filled with wonder. How wrong you were” (Wild Blue Yonder, Welly Boots)

- J: “Place your hand in mine” M: “Hold the hand of the god-child, they said, as he falls from the sky” (That Unwanted Animal)

- “I’m the saint of the paint that was left in the pot, I’m your angel ellipsis, your devil of dots” (Farewell Wanderlust)

- “the fluttering of all your wings” (The Horror and the Wild) versus “when you think about him, my wings start to flap” (Farewell Wanderlust)

- “come, devil, come, she sang, call out my name. Let’s take this outside, ‘cos we’re one and the same. Our gods have abandoned us, left us, instead, take up arms, take my hand, let us waltz for the dead” (Farewell Wanderlust)

There are even more lyrics, and I’m going to be completely honest with you, I’ve gone totally insane with all of this, but this post is way too long already, so just let me know if you want any clarification or something.

Tldr: The Amazing Devil’s album The Horror and the Wild is about two old gods, one being Time, and the other being the Wild, or the god-child. The album is primarily about their relationship and steadfastness they show each other, even in tumultuous circumstances.

Now go excuse me while I attempt to take off this tinfoil hat that appears to be stuck on my head.

All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 14

Chapters: 14/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13]

One night, in the middle of a shift, Gerry gets a pounding migraine and goes to the back to have a cigarette. He knows it won't help, but he smokes it anyway and considers things as he paces the back room.

He's terrible at being sick, and it makes him miserable to be around. Still, the pain makes him ache for his partners, and he can't help picking up the phone to call Jon. It's close to midnight, but Gerry hopes that it won't be the one time Jon has gone to bed at a reasonable hour.

"Hello, Gerard," Jon answers the phone with an ocean of warmth in his voice.

"I miss you." Gerry presses his forehead into the cool window, seeking some sort of relief from the agonizing pressure in his head. He whispers the words like a confession, smokey breath fogging up the glass before him.

"What's wrong my love?" Just Jon's heady, seductive voice provides the emotional support Gerry was seeking, and he wishes he could sink into the words, the feelings behind them, and leave his fracturing body behind for a while.

"Nothing. Not feeling well is all. I just wanted to hear your voice." He sounds pale and washed out, even to himself.

"I'm still at the library, I'll come by and haunt you until your shift is over." Jon makes the offer very casually, although that fussy part of his personality that enjoys mothering Gerry and Martin shines through a bit.

"On a Friday, Jon? You should be home with Martin." He can't help but chuckle at his sweet idiot, even through the pain.

"Martin is out with Sasha and Tim for the evening, remember? I was hoping to stop by and tempt you over to mine tonight anyway." Far from being chastised for his workaholic tendencies, Jon injects all his fond affection into his tone. "Would you be interested in spending the night in a handsome man's bed?"

"Fuck yes. Obviously."

"Oh Gerry, my Gerry." Jon sing-songs into the phone. "Always saying just the right thing to make my heart skip a beat."

Gerry takes a moment to consider his state. He can barely see out of his blurry eyes, and the pounding in his ears makes him feel vaguely underwater. His forceful personality makes it hard for him to admit, but he knows he shouldn't be working like this, and that he'll be much better off with his lover than alone in his own flat.

"I'm going to beg off the rest of my shift, will you come fetch me?" He desperately tries to keep his words easy, but he comes off sounding rather plaintive.

"Yes, Gerry, of course." Jon is frowning audibly now, but he leaves his concern be for the moment. Gerry can hear him moving about, probably packing up his things. "I'm leaving right now, I'll be there soonest. Gerry?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Gerry squeezes his eyes shut tight. "I love you too, Jon."

*

Jon takes one look at Gerry's drawn, pale face, and calls them a cab.

Gerry doesn't offer even one argument, and a pit of concern opens up in Jon's stomach.

"Do you want to go back to your place, after all?" He asks, sliding his hands up Gerry's arms to rest on his shoulders. "Maybe you'll be more comfortable in your own space."

"No, let's go to yours." Gerry draws their foreheads together, standing out in the cool air of the street. "I like being in your space, with your energy and your things. Besides, how can I resist an invitation to your bed."

"Yes, all the cuddling we've done there must really make your heart skip a beat with lust," Jon responds drily.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Gerry tells him firmly.

The taxi arrives and they climb in. Gerry is several inches taller than Jon, but he manages to scoot down enough to lie draped over the smaller man. Jon notices with some amusement that Gerry has adopted a rather Saturn-like posture, curled around him like an extremely large cat in the limited space.

They arrive at Jon's building and trudge up the several flights of stairs and through his door. Jon drags Gerry firmly by the hand, worried that without the right forward momentum, he'll lay down on the floor and pass out. Jon, under no misunderstanding about his physical prowess, knows that once his lumberjack-shaped boyfriend goes down, he certainly won't be getting him back up.

They go straight to the en-suite, and Gerry strips down to his briefs, Jon encouraging him to wash his face and half-heartedly brush his teeth. Halfway through, Gerry lets out a startled chuckle.

"What?" Jon asks from nearby, changing by his armoire.

"I own three toothbrushes." He tells him in an airy, disconnected tone. "Don't you think that's kinda silly?"

"No, Gerry, what would be silly was if you only had one and you carried it everywhere you went because you weren't sure whose bed you might end up sleeping in that night." And indeed, the multiple toothbrushes solution had originated from them unexpectedly sleeping over at each other's flats with no planning- and no toothbrushes.

Gerry giggles again, and Jon begins to worry about what kind of bizarre migraine he might have. Having suffered through a fair few in his life, he is more used to them presenting like all-consuming misery than like some kind of weird foggy drug trip. Gerry could be unique that way, though.

"I never thought I would have so many bed options that it might be an issue," Gerry whispers, staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Changed into his sleep clothes, Jon goes over to stand behind him and wrap an arm around his waist. It's normally a Gerry or Martin posture, since Jon is smaller than them, but there's a different kind of satisfaction in having Gerry relax and settle into him, sighing with something akin to relief.

He looks at their reflection in the mirror and even with Gerry looking haggard, eyes sunken, 5 o'clock shadow coming in, hair thrown haphazardly into a messy bun, Jon can't help the swell of contentment that fills him. How did he, Jon 'walking disaster waiting to happen’ Sims, manage to get this right?

"Then I suppose it's a good thing my bed has been waiting for you all along," Jon eventually responds. "Come on, let's get you into it."

Gerry allows himself to be tucked in, although he refuses food and is only convinced with great reluctance to take two ibuprofen. His eyes remain stubbornly open, but the moment Jon finishes his own nighttime activities and slips into bed with him, Gerry curls around him, and promptly passes out.

*

The next morning, Gerry sleeps far longer than he normally would, even though he went to sleep several hours before his typical bedtime.

When he surfaces, approaching midday, he's groggy and stiff and feels rather hungover. Gerry thinks maybe a hangover would be better- at least then he would have had a good time to compliment his current misery.

Despite that, as he blinks his eyes open, the strains of gentle piano music drift through the flat, and he can't help the smile that spreads across his face. It’s not particularly loud, and Gerry is incredibly soothed by it. In fact, when he says he likes being at Jon’s flat, this is why. He often sits down to play in the softest moments, if Gerry and Martin are around. Any normal, oft-repeated, potentially boring activity could be made delightful and atmospheric if Jon is sitting at the piano.

Jon had once confessed that he vastly preferred playing when one or both of them were around to hear it.

"At least half of the joy of music is in the audience," Jon had confessed quietly to them one day. "And you two are the best audience of all."

Now, as he wakes gently to the sound of his partner making music, Gerry can’t help but feel special and treasured. Never before in his life had he picked up the phone in a crisis with the complete certainty that there would be a loving voice on the other end. He had not even realized he was lacking such reliability until he had come to be able to depend on it, but now that it exists, he shies away from even the thought that he might lose it again.

He takes a moment to consider the current reality of their relationship. He obviously loves them, has always loved Jon, from the moment he growled at Gerry in the literature section of the library when he was seventeen-years-old. Now Martin fits with them both so well, Gerry wouldn’t know how to breathe without him. They’re it for him, he can see that clearly.

He can see it in the way that pain and illness drove him straight to Jon like true north and the way he managed to care for him through it perfectly.

He can see it in the way that Martin never seems to be less affected by finding Gerry in his bookstore, and the way Gerry’s heart feels hot and heavy in his chest every time Martin finds him still and focused and takes a moment to braid his hair in one way or another.

He can even see it in the way he immediately self-destructed when he thought he was going to lose them, pushing every part of his life into immediate turmoil at the thought of being alone again. Family-less. Without his Jon, and his Martin.

And he can see that he’s it for them too, in the way they clung to him to keep him together when he almost sunk the whole thing.

They are, he can see now, as essential to one another as breathing.

Gerry suddenly wishes that this could be the home that they all share. He wishes that every time one of them came home to him, they never had to leave to do laundry or water plants. He wishes, most of all, that this music could fill his house and his heart every morning, and that he would never again have to wake up trying to remember whose bed he was in - because they all shared the same one.

He hopes, desperately, that one day that will be their reality. Maybe not tomorrow, but eventually, he’s confident he can convince he’s partners to stick around for good.

Until then, he’s content to be so loved that he needs three toothbrushes.

*

Gerry thinks maybe he drifts off again, because the next thing he knows, Jon is gently kissing his hand to wake him, a cup of tea in his other.

“Hi,” Jon whispers, sitting down on the bed next to him.

“Hey there,” Gerry offers in return, slowly sitting up and leaning back against the headboard. “How are you today?”

Gerry takes the tea and sips it gratefully, finding it sweet and herbal. Camomile, he thinks, but wouldn’t swear his life on it at that moment.

“How bad could I be?” Jon asks, a mischievous glint in his eye, “I have a beautiful boy in my bed and I think I’ll keep him there all day.”

“Does this stunning nocturnal visitor get a say in the matter or…?” Gerry manages to offer a slightly dimmer version of his flirtatious grin.

“Maybe, if he makes it worth my while.” Jon teases, before sobering a little. “How are you though? You seemed in a pretty bad way last night.”

“I think I’m fine now, I guess it was just a fluke.” Gerry stretches, joints popping.

Jon picks up the tea to take a sip.

“It’s not as good as when Martin makes it.” He mutters to himself, grimacing.

Gerry finishes stretching, rather like a cat again, before shifting up onto his knees to hover slightly above Jon, as is his preference. “Maybe, but it’s still my favourite kind of thing because it's something you made for me.”

Jon reaches up, wrapping a hand around Gerry’s neck and pulling his lips down to meet his own. It’s gentle and dragging, and they tangle together enjoyably for several minutes. Gerry pulls away to kiss Jon’s cheeks, his nose, his forehead. Eventually Jon giggles and pushes him away, handing the tea back over in an effort to distract him.

“Do you want anything to eat?” Jon queries.

“Not just yet. Maybe a shower?”

“That sounds like a good plan. You should take it easy today.” Jon pauses, considering his next suggestion. “And maybe I could convince you to take tonight off from the bar too? Then we can all spend the evening together.”

"Yes, I think I could be tempted to do exactly that."

*

Gerry lingers in the shower, letting the water work out his stiffness and lift the fog hanging pervasively over him.

He washes his hair with Jon's shampoo and hopes the scent will linger on him. He decides not to shave, feeling too loose and lazy to handle any sharp objects.

Jon force-feeds him after, and then he braids Gerry's hair to keep it out his face.

"I can't believe you never braided your hair before you met Martin," Jon says as his fingers move through his hair rhythmically.

Gerry shrugs. "There was never anyone to teach me on myself, and my mother was bald for my entire formative life, so I couldn't learn from her."

Jon hums in acknowledgement.

"Speaking of Martin, where is our errant lover?" Gerry asks buoyantly, bouncing slightly.

Jon laughs at him, "Apparently he was out all night and then crashed on Tim's couch. He's going to come over later when he's managed to disinfect himself."

After, they move back to bed to read their books and rest, basking in the simple comfort of each other's presence, waiting for their third.

Better Together by Christine Riccio - blurrypetals review

originally posted feb. 3, 2021 - ★☆☆☆☆

An ARC was provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. How to begin! This is my first ARC and, after nearly 6 years of reviewing every book I read, I was excited for the opportunity to read something in advance. I am still very excited! It is a really wonderful privilege to be able to read a book that isn't out yet. It was not, however, a privilege to read this book. This book was―and I cannot stress this enough―bad. While I didn't like Christine Riccio's first effort, Again, But Better, it still had some structure to it that made sense and, even if I didn't like it, it still had things about it where I could see why others might enjoy it, which is why I rated it a 2 of 5 and called it done. I didn't loathe Again, But Better but I did loathe Better Together. If this hadn't been baby's first ARC, I would not have finished this book. I usually never finish books I dislike as much as this unless they are so bad that they become funny. This couldn't even get to that point, this was just plain bad. This book was painful. One thing that kicked things off in a really poor fashion was Riccio's inability to distinguish the two girls' inner voices from one another. I was constantly having to thumb back to the top of a chapter just to check if it was a Siri or a Jamie chapter. And okay, yes, let's talk about names, shall we? I really hated the name Pilot Penn in Again, But Better but Riccio really had to outdo herself when she legitimately, actually, really named her two main characters after Jamie and Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones. This is something that is acknowledged in the text because the parents are mega freaks for Game of Thrones, and Riccio attempts to play it for laughs, but I'm sorry, there is no parent in the world, especially not people who are actually fans of those characters, who would legitimately name two siblings after the world's most famous incestuous siblings, and the fact that Riccio had the idea for it and kept it in is honestly a bit troubling. The dual POV from each girl does make sense thematically, but functionally, it does very little to serve the story, as both girls are going through such a similar journey that the book goes through the same lessons twice, making the book twice as long as it needs to be. I would have preferred Again, But Better as dual POV over this. There is so much time dedicated at the beginning toward Jamie and Siri being just soOOooOO dIfFeReNt that it was pretty painful from the start, especially with the lack of proper distinctive voices between the sisters' inner monologues. Not only are we basically given a laundry list of reasons why these girls are such opposites, but nobody talks like a real person in this book, least of all our main characters. Jamie swears like a sailor, but they're cute, colorful swears that nobody in real life would use! How different! Siri refuses to swear, instead using the word excrement instead of shit or intercourse instead of fuck. Again, this is played as a way to supposedly show how different the sisters are, but instead it only proves they do the same "look how quirky!" B.S. and it does nothing to endear the reader to them, only proving they are cartoon caricatures of caricatures, nowhere close to being relatable or interesting. So, let's get into the basic plot and setup, shall we? This book bills itself as an homage to Freaky Friday and The Parent Trap. How do I know this? Not only is that listed on the inside flap (which is fine, I'd like to establish; there's nothing wrong with listing your comps on the inside flap) but it's repeated multiple times in the text that the girls are in the middle of a Parent Trap-Freaky Friday situation. I don't know about you guys, though, but when I'm reading an homage to something, I really don't love it when the characters announce they are in the middle of an homage and then say the title of the thing the homage is to. I think Christine has a pop culture problem. Her whole life is centered around the things she watches, reads, and listens to. That's okay, so is mine! There's nothing wrong with that, in my opinion. There is, however, a problem with dragging constant pop culture references into your writing. Timothée Chalamet plays a weirdly large role here for some reason. I do not care to ever hear a Game of Thrones reference in anything ever again, because this has enough of them to cover me for the rest of my life. We also get Billie Eilish, Men in Black, and a plethora of other things here that only serve to make the reference to the thing and leave, adding nothing to the story and leaving me groaning in its wake. It's nowhere near as bad as it was in Again, But Better but it's still pretty bad here. Using a pop culture reference is not always a lazy choice; sometimes it can build your setting or show something your character is interested in, but rather than referencing something real, Christine could instead use her creativity to create a new, different show that the girls' parents were into, making all those constant Game of Thrones references feel more original and important to the story, rather than pulling a random bluray off her shelf and calling it good. I'd like to challenge Christine to write a book with no pop culture references. She may not be able to help herself. Speaking of laziness, the magic in this book feels particularly lackluster, even in comparison to the sorry excuse for magic in Again, But Better and, even before the magic begins, the girls are already planning to do a regular non-magical Parent Trap because they look so similar, so when the magic is introduced, it doesn't do much for the story. The girls also don't seem to learn much while in one another's shoes, making the justification for the magic feel entirely non-existent. There's also some weird business with glitter and sneezing that feels like a little too much in a post-COVID era, honestly. All in all, this was an extremely painful experience. I honestly have no idea how this book made it to this stage in the state it's in. It's extremely poorly written, pointless, and is filled to the brim with cringe, flat characters, and poor excuses for standup comedy routines. I really was willing to give Christine a chance to improve as a writer from her altogether lame debut, but unfortunately this only somehow proved to be worse.

Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic By Alison Bechdel Research Assignment by Ben Mulloy

Alison Bechdel Won an Eisner for best reality-based work for Fun Home, about her self-discovery as a lesbian, and her relationship with her father. Her other works include Dykes to Watch out For (2006), her comic strip that ran for twenty-five years,  and introduced the Bechdel-Test which “evaluates movies on the basis of gender inequality.” The musical adaptation collected a dozen tony award nominations. Her work Are You My Mother? A Comic Drama (2012), explored the writings of Virginia Woolfe which she connected to her relationship with her mother for which she was awarded the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation “genius grant” (Ray).

In an interview for IWL Rutgers Alison speaks about the environment surrounding her growing up, stating that she grew up in the sixties in an incredibly misogynistic environment, where women were portrayed as “idiots.” The representation for women was unfair and didn’t convey anything Bechdel wanted to embody in herself, and were “all generic female people, as opposed to people” (IWL Rutgers). It took her twenty years to share her story in Fun Home, as she knew it would be a hard story to tell but an important one. She identified that her story was interesting; Two gay people growing up in the same small town but having very different experiences. Years later she comments that it was a very different time, “it was [now] no longer so unspeakable to be gay or have a suicide in the family,” (IWL Rutgers) this change in environment helping to provide a more receptive space for her story. 

In an interview with YoungVicLondon, Bechdel was asked about her influences. When asked about the Bechdel Test, Alison explained that it was created by a friend of hers who came up with three rules about the movies she chooses to see: One, it must have two women in it, two the women have to talk to one another, and three, their conversation must be about something other than men.  At the time she was still working on her comic strip Dykes to Watch Out For and though it wasn’t intended to gain much traction then, in later years when her comic strip found its way onto the internet, it spoke to modern feminists and lesbians and gained attention. She also spoke about how Joan E. Biren’s photography was the first representation of a lesbian that she had seen, and in regards to other representation she simply stated “there was none”. In her words, “it’s so important to be able to see yourself, just to have a mirror of yourself” (YoungVicLondon). Other than representation, her motivation is also intrinsic, she notes “I think anyone pursuing an avenue of creativity is trying to get something they’re missing, or trying to heal ... I make myself vulnerable because I’m looking for sympathy and connection” (IWL Rutgers).

Bechdel introduces major plot points within the first twenty pages of the book, which is necessary to keep the reader interested. She uses the first seventeen to introduce the life she experienced in childhood and to mold a well rounded image of her father as strict but passionate and creative. She also describes her and her mothers relationship with him. Once the main plot, including her father’s death, is resolved, she begins to jump back and forth through the timeline to explore specifics in greater detail, which I found helped to keep interest throughout.

The tone used in Fun Home was significant specifically when used to describe Bechdel’s father and the sense of childlike magic he seemed to possess in her eyes when he was at work restoring their home. Although Bechdel continues to use carefully chosen and meaningful words throughout the memoir, I found that the best examples of the effectiveness of her word choice were used in the beginning. The author recognized the artfulness in his attention to detail, using words like “transfiguration, conjure, flourish, and remarkable,” to convey her awe of his craft. This is then juxtaposed with her choice of words when she displays some resentment towards him, using phrases like “contempt for useless ornament” (Bechdel 16).  Her view of her father is described eloquently when she writes “his bursts of kindness were as incandescent as his tantrums were dark,” (Bechdel 21)  a very powerful use of words to describe their turbulent relationship.  

As a lesbian myself I related to this memoir in multiple ways. I found myself rooting for little lesbian victories throughout the unfolding of her coming out and when Bechdel revisits aspect of her childhood, such as when she moves in with her first girlfriend, and when she convinces her mother to let her go topless and wear swim shorts on vacation by telling her that the “Europeans do it.” I found things like this to be small universal experiences of lesbians and it was nice to see my experiences represented through her. Coming out to her family was also a plot point that I could relate to, as I found that her mother reacted much in the same fashion that mine did, with denial and ideation that being gay is a phase. I think this reaction, or at least in my experience, is related to mothers having expectations or ideas about what their child’s wedding is going to be like or that their daughter will bring home a nice man and have grandchildren. I think challenging that expectation can be hard for a mother to cope with, and it felt empowering to feel homogeneity in that experience. Lastly, I found the author’s search for representation very compelling, as it took her quite a long time to find accurate representation of herself so that she could identify comfortably as a lesbian. This experience is one that is universal for members of the LGBT community and it was comforting to see that expressed by others. I didn’t have any prior knowledge about what this memoir was about or what to expect, so it was a really pleasant discovery that I could relate to this novel so well. 

     As an artist, I can appreciate the images in this memoir for the detail and perspective that was used by Alison Bechdel. Specifically in the first chapter, where she uses perspective to show her childhood home and technical application of skill to describe ornate details in that home, such as the carpet on page four, the scabrous shingles on page eight and the front porch supports, wallpaper, wall supports and roof trim included in page nine. As well as this, I can also only begin to imagine either the research it took to find reference of the items in her home to draw from or the time it would have taken to pour thorough photos to find those items to draw from. 

     The action used in this graphic memoir is interesting because there isn’t as much physical action as there is action and intrigue woven into the plot to create a sense of action. However what action there is aids in character building and plot formation. Most of the action starting at the beginning of the book is showing the father’s passion for restoring their home with historical accuracy and is used to emphasize the importance of this to him, which is then contrasted by the action that is used when he lifts his arm to hit his child. An interesting action I noticed is a pose being carried into different scenes throughout the memoir, where the father is carrying a wooden beam over his shoulder and is used again when he is carrying weeds and shrubbery across the road at his time of death. I thought this was a particularly powerful juxtaposition between the beginning of our introduction to the fathers character in comparison to the end of his existence.

     The colour was an important factor in that there was no use of colour throughout. All drawings were in black and white line with use of grey tones to separate foreground and background or to add light and shadow. I can assume this was done because she didn’t want colour to distract from the importance of the narrative she is trying to convey, which is very personal to Bechdel. It would make sense that she would want the focus to be on the story since it was hard for her to muster the strength to write it. Alison also included drawings of people she referenced including famous authors, which she depicted using cross hatching. This was used to achieve likeness in a way that just line and one tone of grey could not, without having to forfeit the existing visual theme, or distracting from the narrative. 

                                      Annotated Bibliography 

IWL Rutgers. "Inked / An Interview with Alison Bechdel." Youtube, uploaded by IWL Rutgers, 06 March 2017, https://youtu.be/g7TWm2CPZCo. Accessed 17 April 2021. This interview, while only eight minutes long, consists of an enlightening description of the atmosphere surrounding Alison’s childhood and what was expected of men and women. Alison describes a sexist environment where women are portrayed poorly and unfairly, often as stupid. She speaks about her own internal misogyny in the way that she was unable to draw women, and could only draw men until she realized she could think of them as lesbians. Only then was she able to draw women. Bechdel also identifies how she believes her story is important and recognizes that the environment had changed, and it is now “acceptable” to be gay, and to have a suicide in the family. Her intrinsic motivation to share her story is also highlighted, when she admits that as well as creating lesbian representation, being able to connect and share her stpry with others are big contributing factors in her willingness to tell her narrative. This source, like the YoungVicLondon interview is also a video interview where Alison gets to speak freely about her motivation, without the risk of being edited through another form such as an article. This interview was particularly relevant to my assignment as it gives a well-rounded understanding of what drove her to write, as well as the conditions of the world she grew up in which directly impacted her need to create for others the representation she had to hunt for.   

Ray, Michael. "Alison Bechdel". Encyclopedia Britannica, 6 Sep. 2020, https://www.britannica.com/biography/Alison-Bechdel. Accessed 3 April 2021. This article goes into depth about Alison Bechdel’s life and accomplishments. It summarizes the important events in her life such as her coming out at the age of nineteen, her fathers death and the theory that it was an act of suicide. It gives brief summaries of her best known works as well as her work on the comic strip Dykes to Watch out For which ran for twenty-five years, and the Bechdel Test which is used to evaluate movies based on gender inequality. It gives information about her works and awards. The contributors are Michael Ray, Emily Rodriguez, and Amy Tikkanen. Michael has a B.A. in History from Michigan state University, was a teacher, freelancer and full time copy editor prior to joining Britannica and oversees coverage of european history and Military affairs for them. Emily is an editor and her profile states she is an information architect for Encyclopedia Britannica. Editor and corrections manager who has been employed at britannica for more than twenty years. This source is fact checked by three editors, of which two have prior experience that would be considered reputable enough to give credit to the accuracy of the article, although it does not list it’s sources which is not ideal, it does provide a citation for its article for reader use. It is relevant to my research as it provides basic background knowledge on the author and her works, and allows a better understanding of her accomplishments and upbringing.

YoungVicLondon. "Pride 2018: In conversation with Alison Bechdel." Youtube, uploaded by YoungVicLondon, 06 July 2018, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1_r8F2ubCo. Accessed 17 April 2021. This is a short interview where members of the LGBT community interview Alison Bechdel hosted by YoungVicLondon before Pride 2018. The interviewers ask her about the Bechdel test, and she explains how it came to be and who influenced it. When they question Alison about her role model or hero, which Bechdel responds by speaking about Joan E. Biren, being her first introduction to queer representation. When asked about other influences on her coming out or self identification as a lesbian, Bechdel states there was none, as there was no representation at the time. She speaks about how important representation is for those in the LGBT community and how her first pride made her feel less alone. Seeing as though this is a video interview, the source for this is straight from the subject which lends to the credibility of the information. Being a video interview, there is a possibility that the video could have been edited to appear differently or convey a different message, although that isn’t likely. This interview is very relevant to my research as it allows me to explain the influence or lack thereof on Alison Bechdel’s work, and emphasises her motivation for representation.

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Kaiman     AGE: 27       CONTACT: IM, ask, discord

CHARACTER(S): Meninas McAllon, Orihime Inoue, Retsu Unohana, Mashiro Kuna, Tier Harribel, Charlotte Chuuhlhourne

CURRENT FANDOM(S): That I write in? It’s gonna be Bleach, OVW (super selectively im just here for one person), ASOIAF (barely- literally when the mood strikes and that one is private also). I have a lot of current interests in general though.

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR: While I don’t have anything fully established... I’ve been working with an ASOIAF au (for Harribel & Unohana specifically, though I’m considering it with other characters too), A Dorohedoro AU (for Unohana and Orihime), as well as a Persona AU (more specifically 2&3) for Orihime. I’ve also got a number of post-canon AUs or continuities for all my characters as well!

MY LANGUAGE(S): English, super basic Spanish, barest ASL, fairly good French

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / SCIENCE FICTION / HORROR / WESTERN / ROMANCE / THRILLER / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / EROTIC / CRIME / MYTHOLOGY / CLASSIC / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / ANCIENT / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / SPORT / MUSIC / SCIENCE / FIGHTS / ANGST / SMUT / DRAMA

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: ONE-LINER / 1 PARA / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA (2para is a sweet spot but it really doesn’t matter to me)

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES / NO    ONLY BY MUTUALS?:  YES / NO

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / CASUAL NOTHING TOO DEEP / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK.

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO.

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. (i let them build up too often but some of yall are too quick to reply jkglfjdgsd)

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / MONTHS / YEARS / DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF I’M BUSY

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / A RELATIVE OF MY CHARACTER (AN OC) / DUPLICATES / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / SELF-INSERTS / PEOPLE WITH NO AU VERSE FOR MY FANDOM / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS (italicized are okay, but under really specific circumstances)

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING:  I’m pretty anal about plotting in that I often refuse to RP unless it’s been plotted or I liked a starter call. And in the case of the latter, I’ll still hop into DMs to plot further depending on where the thread takes us. That said, the best way to reach me is through IMs or Discord (available on request). The only time I turn down plots is if I feel like it would put my character in an OOC situation, and I especially dislike my character being one-sidedly used as a tool to further another character’s development without anything being reciprocated (this happens often especially wrt my healer characters)

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER: Communication is really important to me, especially with regards to comfort regarding certain plot elements, and approaching other in-character situations that might have multiple different solutions. I think it’s important that both characters involved get the same amount of development out of writing a thread, and I really hate the idea of being imbalanced as far as that goes (more on that below). That said, I’m always perfectly down to spitball plot ideas and tweak/refine other concepts because I really do enjoy plotting, it’s just super important to me that things are communicated clearly. I get extremely distressed and frustrated IRL if people just kinda throw stuff at me, and it often kills my muse.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?: I make an active effort to come up with plots that are engaging and beneficial fairly equally to both parties. I mentioned this above, but especially in the case of writing my healer characters, I have a huge disdain for characters being used as tools to further development while getting nothing substantial in return. That said, I try to be very aware of this in terms of a potential writing partner being on the receiving end. IMO it feels like shit, but I definitely don’t want to make someone else feel that way either. That said, so long as stuff is plotted out clearly and me and the writer are both okay with it, then it’s fine. COMMUNICATION IS KEY, BASICALLY.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  I kinda just like to throw spaghetti at the wall and whatever sticks, I’m down to fly with. I have a lot of ideas, but again, I like to give my partners the option of doing whatever they’re comfortable with, and h aving equal contribution opportunities.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.

- AND WHY?: Everyone has their own circumstances, I really don’t mind. If it’s one I’ve been especially looking forward to, I might be bummed, but it’s no skin off my nose really.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: I don’t typically drop threads or abandon them during their writing. The only thing that would make me do so is offensive content, or huge plot elements being introduced that makes my character ooc and wasn’t previously discussed during plotting.

WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

-AND WHY?: I already feel like I need to take a lot of extra steps to understand others and be understood, and that isn’t something often reciprocated. In my experience, just honest communication is the quickest solution to issues that crop up during writing. For those who HAVE actually had me reach out to them in this way, I really do try to be polite and respectful while being straightforward so the situation can be resolved without any hurt feelings.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: As long as it’s constructive, and not merely negativity, I welcome it. After all, I can’t fix a huge flaw in my writing without having an alternative solution. I’m open to accepting feedback and critique, especially wrt Meninas since my portrayal is quite a large departure from popular fanon perception (from those who choose to pay attention to her, lol), but I also thrive on suggested remedies and solutions to issues in my writing.

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: I like to tell stories, and I like to tell narratives that take root in emotional expression and how those feelings can act as a vehicle to the storytelling. I want to move people through feeling, because it can be a powerful experience. I use a lot of inspiration from themes in my other favorite series, as well as inspiration from my own personal experiences as well. I tend to pick characters who have one or two traits in common with myself, whether those be negative or positive. I’m very excited to share all the things I have planned for Meninas, as she’s certainly my most ambitious project to date.

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  For Meninas specifically, I want to interact with Squad 11 and Squad 9 during the CFYOW verse I have planned. Hisagi specifically would be interesting because of the clash of ideals, in addition to being the only other living person to be able to relate to the horror of being under Pepe’s thrall. I’d also like to steal Ikkaku’s bankai, and have more fight scenes. Lastly, Meninas doesn’t do much of anything in CFYOW, so more interactions with Mayuri and Squad 12 would be cool.

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE: I don’t mind briefly referencing darker themes in my writing, especially wrt my own personal experiences, but I want to be very clear that I refuse to write at length or romanticize these themes. I refuse to write anything involving rape, homophobia, transphobia, racism, pedophilia, etc, with this in mind.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: Unless previously discussed, I struggle with starters that have a character pushing mine away. If the situation is super OOC for my character to be in, or frankly too mundane. In Meninas’ case, most domestic stuff is a snoozefest for me (but I LOVE this for other characters).

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  *saoirse ronan voice* Women. UHHH but no, for real... I like fleshing out female characters quite a bit. Personality types are varied, but I like characters who have some level of nuance to their emotional expression whether it’s an internal or external struggle. I like powerful women too, and the exploration of “strength” as a theme (esp at the intersection of the theme of “femininity” and its expressions) whether this is external strength or internal fortitude. I think I play a wide variety of characters who have vastly different thoughts, beliefs, and forms of expression, but I try to find something in common with who I portray to act as a touch stone. I also like characters who have themes of “justice” and nuanced morality.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?: 99% of male characters. And I also hate tsunderes gjklsdjfd

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I really like my writing style especially wrt using emotion to set a cinematic scene and overall tone. I think I’m really strong with conveying emotion, especially with things that are often unspoken. I try to communicate with partners clearly and establish rapports. I love writing headcanons and have a TON of plot ideas as well.

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: Oh I’m the slowest replier on the planet and I’m apparently intimidating lol

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS (i prefer to go into detail about sensations, rather than the actual acts as it comes off stifled and weirdly technical)

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: Honestly I just do what Meninas tells me.

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?: Kink stuff is weird territory for me, absolutely gotta be discussed in private and comfort levels clearly established.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?: YES / NO. Relationships in general rule, and while I do have a romantic ship that plays a large part in Meninas’ plot, the romance comes secondary to the plot itself. I really enjoy writing and developing romances, but more than that I like establishing connections. I love the relationships I’ve got planned with Giselle, Candice, Liltotto, and Bambietta because there are going to be a LOT of drastically different things that inform my portrayal of Meninas coming from these relationships (both positive and negative, but ultimately places of growth).

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. Like I said, plot comes first. And especially in the case of Meninas, she has a lot of self exploration and reflection to do before she can engage in a healthy relationship or address any feelings of romance. I do place a large focus on the formation of her relationships and how they shape the way she relates to other people and grows as a person, but I am extremely sensitive to making sure I’m not writing a female character who’s entire development is dependent on a romance with a male character- perish the thought lol.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / SINGLE-SHIP / DUAL-SHIP  —  MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: For Meninas, it’s a matter of her acknowledging, understanding, and accepting that she can be worth more than how useful she is to others. She had a series of traumatizing and character defining experiences regarding love, romance, and personal worth that strongly shaped the way she perceives her relationships to others and her emotional expression. Trust is another huge factor for me, Meninas needs to be around someone she believes in. Strength is another aspect. She likes someone who challenges her, keeps her on her toes, and is sturdy like physically. Because she’ll break you. THAT SAID- Meninas tends to be open wrt her body, but closed off when it comes to her heart. Hate to see it, love to write it.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. As long as the premise makes sense. I like relationships to have some matter of significance and planning, especially because of how I’ve written the way Meninas picks and chooses who to get close to in Silbern depending on what suits her interests. Genuine friendship is a weird thing for Meninas, as most of her relationships are formed out of convenience. If you aren’t useful to Meninas’ schemeing, then she has no interest in dealing with you beyond platitudes and keeping up appearances and will interact with you as such.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: WE LOVE DUPLICITOUS WOMEN! No, but at the core of my Meninas characterization, the sentiment is “Everything is not as it appears” even down to the relationships she has with others. Meninas’ entire personality is constructed as a survival tactic from an early age (in addition to being a way to make herself more useful as a tool to others, and thus seen as having more worth in general), and as a result, she hasn’t really allowed herself to live life as a fully realized person. Her plots generally offer silent rebellion, playing a role in regards to her self presentation, chaotic mean girl level bullshit, and cool fights/training. Also you get to interact with a big buff lady. That said about her personality, it depends on the verse. CFYOW Meninas will be more unhinged, while post-CFYOW Meninas will be more honest and rowdy.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  Muses who are standoffish or disengage right at the start. Meninas doesn’t interact with people without a certain purpose, so if they aren’t interested, she’s not going to be either.

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  Revenge, strength, redefining what “power” means in terms of how the world works. She wants to see the Shinigami dead for their role in her parents deaths, and feels the same about Yhwach.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  Ability, potential threat, perceived strength, where loyalty lies; how potentially useful you can be to her.

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  Strength both in a physical sense, but also in belief and convictions. Honesty, and understanding the flaws of the world they live in.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  Fighting, beauty, freedom, abolishing Quincy classism based on blood purity, music, fashion, blacksmithing.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?: Blind loyalty to Yhwach, talking about the horrors of war as if it doesn’t concern them, Bambietta, Quincy supremacy,

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  Her parents were killed in the first Quincy war and she was left abandoned and grew up literally fighting for her life and living on the streets. She often likens fighting pits to the bowels of Hell (and I often play with the ironic theme of crawling out of hell to appear as an angel or something divine). She is consumed by a quest for revenge, and strongly believes her ends will justify the means taken to fulfill her ideal. As a direct result of these experiences, her emotional health and maturity is severely affected, and she doesn’t view herself as a person worthy or capable of feeling as much as a tool who, in the right hands, can be utilized to bring about the revenge she craves.

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  (1) Men who feel non-consensually entitled to her body. That said, she’s done a fairly excellent job at maintaining control and an unassuming threatening nature despite the widely known understanding of her Schrift ability and how it augments. (2) Someone touching her Quincy cross, as it’s her most precious and private item. (3) Anyone who dares get in the way of her plans that can’t be manipulated in some other useful aspect.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  Meninas hates Yhwach, and the Shinigami most predominately, but she also harbors disgust for Hollows as an instinct. That said, her young life was spent detached from Quincy culture (in addition to being a Gemischt and the inherent isolation that comes with that status), so despite her early induction into the Wandenreich ranks, Meninas does not harbor the same Quincy nationalism and loyalty that others of her race do. They’re a means to an end, and just happen to help her become stronger.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?: She comes off as easy to approach, but if you want genuine Meninas I’m sorry the number you’re trying to reach has been disconnected. Goodbye!

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: Everything I’ve written about her is based in headcanon! I’ve got both a lengthy biography as well as headcanons gathered in the sidebar links on my blog.

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

TAGGED BY: @bazzardburner​ TAGGING: i think this has made its rounds so steal it!

(Okay, I’m going to do this in probably 3 parts because it’s long)

So The Department sorta happened because I wanted to get back into a regular weekly-updating online fic because, frankly, two reasons:

1) I’m worn out/exhausted/a bit burned out from working on novels and very little of anything else for the last year and a half, and

2) I crave/need the instant validation of the comment section at AO3, which you don’t get when you write a book :/

So I called a break, put away my manuscripts for a couple months, and am just indulging in some fun writing for a little while.  And since I wanted something new (sorry WIPs, your time will come again) this is what we ended up with.

I don’t remember exactly what made me go with the police department premise.  The potential for assholery and rampant egomania, most likely?  Well, you know I love that shit when it hides something slightly more noble underneath...and I think I wanted a big ensemble cast because I just adore the dynamics that can occur in groups of disparate personalities who have known each other for a long time.  That way they interact when they know each others’ secrets and there’s that one person new to the group who isn’t in on any of the jokes?  Good stuff right there.

I do remember that the first ideas for this story came to me during the Professor Jeff’s Super Science Show at the library (yeah your guess is as good as mine on that but it happens literally every time).  But if I’m being honest, I’d say it probably had more to do with Benny Hill than anything.  I have this bad habit of sitting on the couch with my laptop on my knees, headphones on, head back, inventing scenes in my head that go along with whatever music I’m listening to.  I’ve got this one insane playlist full of goofy tunes my 7-year old has requested for staging Thomas The Tank Engine crash scenes (don’t ask) and on this particular night that’s what I was listening to because why not.�� On that playlist is a 30-minute loop of the Benny Hill Theme.  And all I could see in my head was a foot chase on ice and snow between a female officer, an out of shape Chief of police, a giraffe-legged office assistant, and a probably methed-up wannabe criminal who didn’t actually do anything major but was running anyway because he was bored.  It struck me funny and I toyed with the idea of sticking it into something I already had started, because I do love me some chaotic slapstick.

So the next day I’m driving the boys home from the Super Science Show and I’ve been playing around with it in my head again, and it’s taking shape into something that I know I’m going to have to work with.  We pass the Pupuseria Virolena Salvadoran restaurant downtown, and I start laughing because I’m suddenly hearing David Tennant trying to say that in his Scottish accent.

On the spot I named him Hawk and made him Captain.  And now we have one of our characters, and by the time we pull up in our driveway ten minutes later I’ve got stuff needing to be written down right now.

(the rest is under the cut for length)

Chapter 1 - Prologue - Your Boatload of Bad Decisions Has Left The Harbor

I was so anxious to get into the story but it needed an introduction, or else Greta being in this podunk town wouldn’t have any weight.  So we’re introduced to our heroine, who isn’t so much a heroine as just a decent if slightly too self confident special division officer who had some bad luck.  It’s not elaborated on yet in the story, though it’s heavily referenced multiple times that she disobeyed an order and made the decision to continue a high speed pursuit that had been called off by her superior officer, the above-mentioned Captain Hawkins, whom Greta has something of a relationship with (yeah they’re screwing, what of it).  And in the wake of that decision, Greta’s partner is killed and she’s brought up on charges, suspended, ordered to counseling, and finally shipped off to a small town in Minnesota so she can keep working while her final fate is decided by an investigative committee back in LA.

The opening chase scene was written from things I learned when I was a kid and my dad did vehicle tweaks for the Fort Worth police department from his auto shop.  The officers used to hang out drinking Cokes and telling stories while dad made (possibly illegal) modifications to their cars.  I was there a lot, sitting under his work bench with my books and pencils, listening to everything and remembering it all.  And I thought it was so damn cool.  So here we are.  What else was I gonna do with that information?  Might as well put it to use if it’s gonna be taking up real estate in my head for all these years.

For the record, I really liked Greta’s partner Joe and hated to kill him - but we needed a catalyst, and the cheerful best friend who sings Italian arias during chases while joyfully blasting out windshields is always gonna be the loser in the goner lottery.  For once the male hero dies to further the female lead’s storyline.

Heh, take that Marvel.

Anyway, sorry Joe.  There will be more about you in later chapters, so...gone but not forgotten.

Chapter 2 - Minnewhatever

This part starts out with the last bit of backstory we need to proceed.  Hawk sending Greta off to Minnesota, a place whose name she never does remember or say correctly.  She doesn’t figure she’s actually going to be there long enough to bother learning it, but Hawk informs her that her exile is likely to last at least a year, and he gives her very little reassurance that she won’t be serving every minute of her sentence.

Greta’s feeling a little betrayed here.  She and Hawk have been sort of a thing for a while, friends and colleagues and lovers, but he’s washing his hands of the entire situation and she’s left angry and a bit bereft.  But she still figures he’ll do something to get her out of it, if she’s patient and behaves herself in the new place.

Fast forward to day one in Weemeetwa.  While drowning her aggravation in a bottle of the good stuff, Greta meets her first new acquaintance and decides to just go with the cranky fuck-it attitude that she’s been harboring since the incident, gets shitfaced, and goes home with the guy.  This might have been a dual-purpose shag; Greta’s still feeling betrayed and abandoned by Hawk, so it’s a screw-you that he’ll never find out about - but that doesn’t stop it from feeling good in a vengeful sort of way.  Plus it’s cold and she’s alone and the guy - Andy, a tall sweet longhaired cutiepie with an Irish accent - is all too willing to buy her a drink and take her home for some cuddles.

In the morning Greta wakes up in a strange place full of groaning regret and ends up giving Andy a ride to the station.  She doesn’t count on seeing him again, so there’s no breath wasted on goodbyes.

Chapter 3 -  A Logging Truck, A Mountain, and A Blonde Walk Into A Bar

Now we meet most of the department.  Creeley, a gruff roughhouser with a rude streak forty miles wide, Sarah, the only other female in the department and possibly the only person alive who can keep the boys under control, Kevin, the quiet dispatch agent with an impressive mountain impersonation skill, and finally (for the moment) Chief, the slightly too good-looking and highly put-upon boss of them all.

I knew I wanted Tom Hiddleston to play Chief Tommy Davis.  This is Kong Skull Island-era Hiddleston crossed with The Night Manager, with a handful of extra pounds around the middle and a frustrated sigh that goes on forever.  He’s meant to be an ex hockey player who was waylaid on his way to the major leagues, so he’s strong and sturdy, but an injury benched him years ago and a career in small-town law enforcement has put him a bit to pasture.  Middle aged, somewhere between 40 and 45.  He’s got some stuff in his past but he’s happy now, for the most part, just living his life watching over the town.

Jason Momoa is Bobby Creeley, for obvious reasons.  I knew I wanted a rowdy, rude, loudmouthed team member that’s always crossing everyone, but who everyone knows will be there no matter what if anything goes down.  He’s instantly Greta’s nemesis from the moment she walks in the door.  Gigantic and shaggy with a permanently amused nature and a fear of literally nothing, he’s simultaneously everyone’s best friend and worst enemy.

Sarah Lancashire has been finding her way into a lot of my fics lately as side characters, so it’s no surprise she ended up here as Sarah Pearl.  Steely, tough, and highly immune to the idiocy around her, Sarah is the worn out voice of common sense that the department is running perilously short on.  She’s also my first and foremost girl crush, and I’ll admit right now that I wrote an AU ending almost immediately that involved Sarah and Greta ending up together.  It would be natural to assume Sarah would fall into the default role of mom to the group, but there’s a whole lot of oh hell nope wrapped around that trope.  She would set them all on fire if anyone would let her have some matches, but Chief made a rule against that a long damn time ago.

Dave Bautista has been hanging around the back door of my muse stable for the longest, just minding his own business and waiting his turn, but I never really had any place to stick him.  Well Drax, your time has come baby.  I chose him to play Kevin Saylor based on his GoTG scene in which he tries to convince the crew he’s invisible.  And that’s Kevin, in a nutshell.  Huge and intimidating but quiet and intensely matter-of-fact in manner, he’s in charge of dispatch and immediately inspires Greta’s hatred of using the radio.

My first (and really only) faceclaim for Greta Morley was Zoe Saldana, but I waffled briefly for a couple of weeks, trying to cater to a few readers who told me they wanted to imagine themselves in the role.  I planned to stick with that, and I tried, I promise I did.  But every time Greta opened her mouth I heard Zoe, and by the time she went on her less than fleet-footed pursuit of Wilson with the longsuffering Andy by her side, she was locked in.  Greta’s harboring some serious regret and raw emotional wounds from her not too distant past, and some time out in the American Midwest should be a much needed recovery sabbatical.  Should be.  But isn’t gonna.

Speaking of Andy...Andrew Hozier-Byrne was and is the only person I ever considered for the role of Andy Burns.  Too tall, too clumsy, too cute, too sweet, just a whole bunch of too everything - he was perfect for the role and I may or may not have written it exclusively for him.  Okay yeah, I wrote it exclusively for him.  Andy’s the local cryptid, nobody really knows a lot about him.  He may or may not be a drug dealer.  He may or may not be officially employed by the police department.  He may or may not be Irish or hypoglycemic or a blackout drunk or as goofy as he seems.  Nobody really knows, and to be honest nobody really cares, because if you need it done Andy can do it...if he can remember you asked him to do it.

So Greta has arrived, for better or for worse.  Cree immediately starts in with the sexist remarks and butchering her name, a favor she returns by embarking on what will become a neverending trail of obliterated mis-renderings of the town’s name.  Creeley and Kevin kick off another of many running gags by arguing over whether or not anyone knew she was coming, and before things can get too stupid, Chief makes his first appearance.

And now things start to get interesting.

To be continued at chapter 4, Randy Andy and The Chief of Weemeetwa

@whatevervivie

December 28th, 2019-January 3rd, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from December 28th, 2019 to January 3rd, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question: 

What’s a real-world experience you’ve had that you’ve written into your story?

carcarchu

There's one part in my comic where the main character's roommate uses food to console the main character when she is sad which is an actual thing that my roommate did for me when i was sad xD

kayotics

I’d say most of my main characters are based off of my own real world experience. The most notable thing that’s a real world experience would be Rosemary’s parentage. I also come from a single parent family, so that specific dynamic is directly pulled from my own life.

keii4ii

The themes and such in HoK are reflections of my own experiences and feelings. Feeling left out, betrayed, generally not cared about. Being socially/culturally clueless. But those are broad things. I don't think there's anything ultra specific that mirrors my experience exactly. There was one specific line that I've said (to myself), that the main character was going to say. That scene got heavily revised, though, and the line is no longer in the comic. I like to think of that as the result of my character(s) getting developed. i.e. They're their own persons; they're more than just projections of my own sadness.

Nutty (Court of Roses)

I agree about life experiences, but to be specific, the whole Bardic Festival in Court of Roses was based off my experiences of Warped Tour!

Cronaj

My comic(s) also heavily reference my real life. In WotP, the main similarities are in one of the protagonists' neglect and emotional abuse from his father, and then later, how another character essentially takes up the role of father for him. Also, two of my main characters, Agatha and Maret, are basically a combination of my two younger sisters and I. Mostly their relationship, but Maret (the little sister) actually looks a lot like my youngest sister. In Silent Nocturne, which I am working on scripting and designing characters for, the real-life references are a lot heavier. Part of it has to do with a similar setting, but the two main characters are also directly inspired by my experiences. On one hand, we have Mae, who is from a working-class family and struggles to get by with working multiple jobs, most of which are retail. And her brother's serious autoimmune disease that is really hard to treat, which results in insurance company battles to get his meds. And on the other hand, we have David, a violinist and composer struggling with the woes of having a creative mind. Depression, self-doubt, caffeine dependency, lack of motivation, etc. He also has a neglectful father, and his general outlook on the world is mirrored with my own.

sssfrs

I draw a lot of the emotional elements of my story (Joe Is Dead) from the sudden death of my grandfather a couple years back. Every character in the story processes the death of Joe in a slightly different way and are drawn from the different thoughts and feelings I have had around the topic of death.

All the scenes with sailing & discussion of sailing in the comic is also built on my own experience with sailing over many years and the maritime culture of Boston where I grew up.

khkddn

The high school my main characters go to is a direct rip off of the one I went to. The uniforms are exactly the same and so are the aesthetics and the silly rules :p

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

In a very broad sense, a lot of the strongest emotional bits of Phantomarine are directly drawn from emotions I felt during a health scare many years ago. Almost every main character is affected by similar circumstances, and each of them deals with that ensuing set of emotions very differently. The immediate and unexpected loss of power/control; the fear of permanent change; the possibility of disfigurement; potential societal stigma; a sudden, crippling awareness of mortality - but more than anything, the embracing of a “new normal” that can still be awesome and fulfilling. I never intended for the emotional beats to be drawn from my own experience, but heck, that’s that strongest set of emotions I’ve ever felt - it makes total sense. And for the surface level stuff, lots of memories of boats and ocean related stuff - paddleboarding, beaches, summer festivals, tropical vacations, seeing marine animals in the wild - just to name a few. That sort of imagery is still strong in my head. So colorful and mysterious!

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I’d say I draw quite a lot from my own experiences, especially because I use my comics as vessels to work through my PTSD. But most of of how I use my own experiences it isn’t very ‘visible’, because it’s usually through how characters are processing their traumas. The only instance where I can really draw a direct parallel from my own life to a scene in a comic would be during this segment in Children of Shadow (CW: blood and gore): https://www.flowerlarkstudios.com/comic/chapter-8-take-my-hand/page-08-08/ When faced with a giant monster roaring in his face, Anor has a deer-in-the-headlights moment where he’s completely frozen in shock. I once had a similar (though much less dire) incident where I was face to face with a very hungry, very angry wild bear who was roaring loudly at me from only a few feet away. I completely shut down and was unable to move until the bear decided my trash can looked much tastier than I did.

Tuyetnhi

I guess the same for me about having my characters as somewhat of a reflection or influenced from my life. Especially Cara and Richie, the main duo for my comic. Cara's is a culmination of my background being Mixed-Vietnamese and the struggle having to deal with that, and Richie is a mash up of my mother's likes in a man with amped up fantastical elements from my favorite shoujo mangas lmao. There's one scene particular between Cara and her friend that was basically a conversation I had about dating years back, though I didn't admit anything at the moment. Also when Cara's parents had set up a date for her was also something I witnessed between my sister and a guy we knew years ago. My mother and his mother were trying to get them wed but it failed lmao. Not sure why it stood out to me, but it's something I remember being....scared about. And added that element in the story lol.

the fear being arranged into a date when you're not full into it really hits home.

snuffysam

In terms the characters - most of them are either based off myself or people I know. Like, Taci is based off a friend of mine who is consistently confident about wrong information. In terms of the story events - no, but that would be wild, huh? Occasionally a line will be based off something one of my friends said though. For instance - a show we were watching once had a villain that we knew going in would have a redemption arc. And each time the villain got beaten, one of my friends would shout “oh, he’s good now!”. This was referenced on this page: http://sgkdr.webcomic.ws/comics/540, where King Zebugu claims that he’s already had his redemption arc.

Respheal

I always thought Galebound's plot and characters were pretty removed from my own life, but sometimes looking back I'm just like......yeeeeeaaaaaaaah Like one of my most vivid memories growing up was getting into a heated argument with my mom about how I didn't want to go to church and she yelled at me that it was the devil keeping me out, to which I yelled back "Why can't I make my own decisions?" So uh. That sort of experience is where the Obligation comes from. That and the anxiety growing up in a semi-religious household brings, particularly when that religion makes a big deal out of subservience :V And then more recently, it's hitting me that Conan's relationship with his dad mirrors my own in ways. I always thought I was closer to my mom growing up, but in truth, while I spent more time with my mom, the positive experiences were more often with my dad. A few years back, my dad said some thing that hurt, and for a couple years I thought I hated him when really it was just hurt and betrayal, and we're sorta just reconciling now. Which is kind of what Conan's dealing with, although he doesn't know it yet. His dad leaving hurt, and sometimes that hurt can feel a lot like hate.

Like listen there's some shit that's a 100% no from me because it triggers intrusive thoughts for me from past abuse; and ya know what I fucking do? Blacklist! Unfollow! Block if I need to! All because someone was "abused" in a Poly Relationship which like yeah that's super shitty man; but people need to take control to make themselves safe. Plus threatening someone by telling them to kill themselves is emotional abuse and super illegal :) :)

Right?? I mean I’m a little sympathetic bc being triggered fuckin sucks bad but like... it’s not the way to go about things, and you can’t just be pulling the ‘i was triggered card’ over and over again. the fact that this person has done it multiple times suggests to me that it’s not just a knee jerk ‘i was triggered and said/did something in anger and took it too far’ either, which can happen. Having seen it over and over again by who I very much suspect is the same person suggests to me that the person is either lying, or using being triggered as an excuse to full-on attack people and it’s not good enough tbh.

READ the tags on things that’s what they’re there for, and find out how to block things. Don’t come after 3 people writing the same ship with the same tags one after the other. And if you are so sensitive to a trigger that the mere mention or even implication of something upsetting (eg tagging Character A/Character B/Character C) sets you off to such a degree that you feel the urge to tell people to kill themselves, you really need to get some help.

Readers/consumers of content, please don’t feel that I’m expecting you to tiptoe around creators and shoulder 100% responsibility all by yourself. If you find something triggering or potentially triggering in somebody’s work, especially if it’s a creator/blogger you like and want to stick with, I don’t think there’s any harm in writing to them and mentioning it, or asking them to tag it. It can also be helpful to do this off anon, or at least with some level of manners, so that creators understand where you’re coming from, especially if you want something done about it - they may be more defensive than you’re expecting, as they’ve probably had more people harass or troll them (and/or seen their friends go through it) than you might think.

On the flip side, I think as creators it’s important to be mindful that for people to protect themselves we have to give them some tools such as tags, that they can block, and I do believe in tagging triggers where possible to be helpful. Try to remember that triggers are not necessarily predictable or dark things, and that something that might seem fake or ridiculous to you, might not be so to the person going through it. Triggers are very personal and they are completely amoral - I know someone who gets triggered with memories of her abuse by a particular song, for example. Even I used to have my anxiety triggered by people holding hands of all things. People asking you about something aren’t inherently telling you it’s evil, and tagging is not censorship, so please try not to be offended when people ask you to tag. Unfortunately, expect that some people may need to unfollow or potentially even block you if they find your content triggering especially if it’s not something that can be easily avoided. But that doesn’t mean you can’t protect yourself either.

It is also important as creators to protect ourselves, and that might be in not responding to these comments, in reporting and blocking them if necessary. I don’t like holding the “you make a valid point but you said it in a mean way so I’m not going to do it” card over anybody’s head, but using your trigger(s) as a way of assessing what or who is evil and should die is not even making a valid point. So in terms of dealing with it from the POV of somebody receiving an ask like this, some advice is:

Remember that you don’t actually owe anyone anything, so you can ignore them, delete, report or block if you want to

BUT I would encourage you not to react straight away. Are they actually coming after you, or do you feel threatened because of the unexpected criticism? Maybe a bit of both, in which case, is there actually anything valid in the message eg could you be tagging better? I think I caved a bit too easily on mine, but I have also seen people not tag things like suicidal thoughts or attempts because they happened in a nightmare type scenario, but the reader is still subjected to them, so it is probably still worth tagging imo. Also, are you already using a tag they might not know about (or might be conveniently ignoring, if they’re just out to get you) which you can direct them toward so this doesn’t happen in future?

**PLEASE DO NOT** bite back in a similar tone of anger or sarcasm, it really doesn’t help anybody and encourages an antagonistic relationship between writers and readers/creators and consumers. Even if the person messaging you is out of line or is harassing you, somebody seeing this might feel that they can no longer come to you with legitimate triggers etc and have them respected.

If you feel up to it, maybe ask the person to come back and talk about it when they are in a calmer mood. (but again if they are triggered to the point of telling you to kill yourself by the mere whisper of your subject they probably aren’t up to a conversation about it)

If not, deleting the ask, and or reporting and/or blocking is 100% fine. I sometimes delete the first, but only block or report if they come back, or if it is particularly bad. Decide what works for you, but be safe.

REMEMBER THOUGH - Creators and readers can and do work together all the time to ensure that we can all have a pleasant experience in our various fandoms. I would encourage everyone who has read this far and might get the impression that we’re all a bit antagonistic, to remember that. The MAJORITY of the time, tagging works and functions like block are great backups. But when things get out of control (eg in the case that this anon is referencing) there are steps you can take. We’ve got to look out for ourselves as well as each other in this world.

The Internal Debate Within the Writer of One Night in Miami and Soul

https://ift.tt/38MGi5k

It’s one of the most kinetic moments in One Night in Miami. As a character observes, the banter is over and friends are pulling out knives: Kingsley Ben-Adir’s Malcolm X just challenged Leslie Odom Jr.’s Sam Cooke on his responsibility as a Black artist to the Black community.

“You bourgeois negroes are too happy with your scraps to know what’s at stake here,” Malcolm says, demanding Sam take advantage of this elusive thing called celebrity and speak up for all those voices who never got a mic. Yet to Cooke—an artist with his own record label that keeps the rights of Black music in Black hands—this is the height of hypocrisy.

“Everybody talks about how they want a piece of the pie,” Sam counters. “Well, I don’t. I want the goddamn recipe.”

Even for a younger audience who may not be familiar with Cooke’s music, or Malcolm X’s autobiography, the debate of social responsibility in American life rings as urgently in 2021 as it does in the film’s 1964 setting—and it echoes acutely too for Kemp Powers, the writer who penned One Night in Miami twice: first as a play and now a film. He can hear it in his debates with other Black artists over the years, and between the lines of books he’s read about each of the men in his story—he can even hear the debate waging in his own head, whether it’s while authoring a passion project like Miami or co-writing and co-directing Soul, the first Pixar film to star a Black man.

“It’s a debate that’s been happening since long before that night between Malcolm and Sam,” Powers says over a Zoom call. “It’s a debate that still happens now, and is a question that I think Black creatives ask ourselves all the time. What, if any, social responsibility do we have as a Black athlete, artist, or public figure? There’s no real clear answer to it, but that being said, almost everyone has an opinion.”

Powers has entertained several over the years, sometimes at the same time. In his youth he may have more clearly favored Sam’s pragmatic sensibility of working within the system, but at age 47 he has long realized, “I can see myself as just a writer or director, or whatever, but society is going to call me a Black writer-director whether I want it or not.” Thus the question becomes how to manage that reality, whether as a playwright or one of the four most influential Black artists, athletes, and leaders of the mid-20th century.

“So many people have asked me about, who do I think is right, Malcolm or Sam?” Powers reveals, remarkably without sighing. “That misses the point, because ultimately the argument they’re having is just the inner monologue that goes on inside my head all the time… and the answer is it’s situational. Some days you got to be like Sam about it, and other days you got to be like Malcolm about it.”

And sometimes you have to be both on the same day.

Indeed, Powers first put One Night in Miami out into the world as a play in 2013. Back then he had no aspirations of becoming a filmmaker. And yet, by the time a film adaptation gained momentum, he’d already begun working with Pixar in Emeryville, California on retooling Soul as the story of a jazz musician in a real existential crisis. The two films, technically speaking, were released on the same Christmas Day, and One Night in Miami is now having its streaming premiere on Amazon Prime Video a few weeks later.

The serendipity of the complementary releases amuses Powers, as does the strange coincidence that Miami would take such a winding path to the screen that it’d catch up with him as a filmmaker. Still, even between these two movies, Powers sees that same internal debate now playing across multiple streaming services.

“My Sam and my Malcolm are on full display with Soul and One Night in Miami as a writer,” Powers chuckles. “You’re seeing me work within an existing system to try to bring about some positive change that might not be fast enough for some people, but it’s a quantum change; it’s a massive, massive change at this huge company that hasn’t had a lot of representation for us, and at the same time you’re seeing me unfiltered in an independent film where I literally can write whatever I want, and it just goes out there unfiltered. So you’re seeing how both can be positive and effective, right?”

It can also mean historical figures jokingly referenced in Soul like Muhammad Ali—who appears as one of 22’s mentors in that film—can also take a spotlight role via One Night in Miami. In fact, Ali is the crux of a curious historical detail Powers turned into a fascinating fiction. On the night Cassius Clay (an uncanny Eli Goree in the film) took the heavyweight championship of the world from Sonny Liston by TKO, the 22-year-old champ chose to celebrate the victory by quietly hanging out in a motel with his mentor Malcolm X, and pals Sam Cooke and Jim Brown (Aldis Hodge). The next day, Clay officially changed his name to Cassius X and announced his joining of the Nation of Islam.

All of that actually happened. But what did they say to each other that night before Cassius took the first step to becoming Ali? And did it cause Cooke to write “A Change is Gonna Come?” Very few details are truthfully known—Powers even reveals one of the few concrete facts is that they were served pints of vanilla ice cream that night (alcohol is forbidden by the Nation of Islam). But then Powers was one of the first to extensively consider the ramifications of all four men in one place at one significant time.

“Usually when you see that night mentioned, it’s mentioned in the context of a story that’s focusing on only one of them,” Powers says. That’s how he came to learn about it, as a minor detail in Mike Marqusee’s Redemption Song: Muhammad Ali and the Spirit of the Sixties, which Powers first picked up about 15 years ago.

“Obviously the focus was very much on Muhammad Ali throughout the entire book,” Powers says. “So it’s a coincidental fact to the writer of the book, who’s focusing on Muhammad Ali, who was not going to see it through the way I was seeing it. [Between] all of them, what is the power dynamic? What’s the friendship like between four guys who were not just influential, but [were] also in different disciplines?”

Powers likens it to the Rat Pack, which was primarily composed of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Sammy Davis Jr., among others. To this day, popular culture idolizes and deifies them as best bros playing cards and crooning ballads in Las Vegas. “And they’re all singers!” Powers contends. “But I think this is like that on an exponentially different level, because they’re not all the same thing. You have an entertainer, you have an athlete, you have a political activist.”

Ultimately, Powers jokes they’re a bit like the Black Avengers, with each having been romanticized to the point of becoming superhuman in pop culture over the decades. It’s certainly how Powers came to them, with the scribe having a special affinity with Malcolm X after reading his autobiography as a teenager. “It’s a formative experience shared, I think, with a lot of Black men of my generation.”

Sam Cooke, who he came to later, was his grandmother’s favorite artist; Jim Brown represented Black strength to a whole generation, and took on a mythic aura by the time Powers came of age; and Ali was just on a whole other plain of existence. “Ali was a hero of mine growing up and I didn’t even know why,” Powers muses.

Yet upon learning all four shared the same space, he found an excuse, and an opportunity, to imagine what these men said behind closed doors and among ostensible equals. In the process, Powers could use literary license to also dive deeper into each of these four men’s towering iconographies, and what lay beneath.

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“I wanted to definitely show the private version of all four men. The whole point of them being in this private space away is that we’ve seen so much of them in the public eye.” But in One Night in Miami, each looks strangely more comfortable sitting with their own thoughts, whether that means by strumming a guitar or holding a camera—thereby removing himself from the other three—than on stage or in the arena.

“We have a movie with Jim Brown with no football in it,” says Powers. “We have a movie with Muhammad Ali that has tiny fragments of two boxing matches, but not even one complete boxing match; we have a movie with Sam Cooke where, relatively speaking, he doesn’t sing that much; and we have a movie with Malcolm X in which he doesn’t give a speech.”

The writer credits director Regina King with making those fleeting moments that aren’t in his original play crackle with energy—the half a round we see of Clay dominating Liston or the glimpses of Cooke winning over a crowd, while also feuding with Jackie Wilson, no less. But unlike so many conventional (and often meandering) biopics, there is an emphasis here on specificity of narrative, and specificity of these men’s characters.

Says Powers, “With a snapshot, you have the freedom of focusing on who that person was at that moment of time. You don’t have to bring them into this modern context and be like, ‘Well, how is this person perceived now?’” He adds, “I feel like with two hours or less, I want to focus on that humanity.”

With One Night in Miami, and even Soul, Powers finds theirs, as well as reveals his own.

One Night in Miami is streaming on Amazon Prime video now.

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Pandora Park AU Part 2

(This is a re write of Pandora Hearts (Jun Mochizuki) with the South Park (Matt stone & Trey Parker) characters, I don’t own any either of these. I hope you enjoy it)

A faint music box melody broke through the darkness that surrounded the huge expanse of water. It disturbed the boy floating a few feet above the water surface. He turned his head towards where he had heard the source of the music and listened intently, it seemed very familiar to him but he couldn’t recall where. 

“What a familiar melody. Is it calling me?” the boy uttered as he put the soles of his shoes to the surface of the water and began walking towards the source of the music. He knew it would lead him somewhere important.

Tweek entered the room to greet his guests. Immediately he spotted the back of Uncle Thomas ginger hair and jogged over to him. “Unc-” He stopped when he noticed that his uncle was not alone. Talking to him was a young girl with long black hair wearing a beautiful purple dress and yellow dress shoes.

“Ahh, Tweek, sorry I didn’t see you. Let me introduce you to someone. This is the grand-daughter of duchess Testaburger, Lady Wendy Testaburger.” Tweek suddenly became very shy. He was used to talking to Mrs Red and his little sister Heidi, but with other girls he would instantly freeze. 

“Pleased to make your acquaintance, Sir Tweek.” “Gahhh, yes, err, will you be attending the party as well?” Wendy shock her head “No, my mother is the one who should be here, but because she fell ill yesterday as her daughter, I have come on her behalf to apologize for her absence. I do wish I could attended in her place but I have yet to turn 15.”

Tweek was shocked when he heard that Wendy was younger than him, she seemed like she was at least as old as him, her speech was so much more sophisticated than his own. Tweek then saw his sister next to his Uncle, she was pouting. 

“Heidi sulking as she can’t attend the party either.” Thomas said, chuckling a little. Wendy smiled at Heidi before she turned back to Tweek “Sir Tweek, I shall be 15 in two years’ time, please do dance with me then.”

Tweek really wondered how he should respond “what would Clyde do in this situation, he’s so much better at talking to girls then me.” with a vague idea of what to say, Tweek blurted out the first thing that came into him head. “S-Sure thing babe.” Tweek instantly regretted his decision. Thomas just face palmed. Fortunately Wendy just smiled and laughed a little thinking it was just a joke 

“Well, since the party is about to begin I regret to say I must take my leave for today. Congratulations on your 15 birthday from the bottom of my heart, Sir Tweek.” As she grabbed his hand Tweek’s blush grew a shade darker “Gah..” “From this day forward, you will have the right to attend society functions so many people will approach you. Some will do so because of your enormous wealth, others to benefit from the unknown powers of a dukedom.” Wendy’s face turned serious “And everybody will see your father in you.” 

Thomas at that moment tried to interrupt the conversation as he knew how uncomfortable Tweek’s father made Tweek feel, but Wendy continued with a smile on her face “so, please do not forget those who have always stood by your side and supported you.” She let go of Tweek’s hand and turned to leave “if you do not fail to keep them in mind you shall never lose yourself.”

Wendy walked towards the door and nodded to the man standing there who nodded back. This man stared at Tweek, his black hair covering his left eye. Tweek was a little confused as to why this man had a small towel with eyes on his shoulder and wearing a red puff ball hat inside, but he was more drawn aback to the colour of his right eye. It was the deepest blue he’d ever seen, it looked as if it was glowing. The man bowed his head to Tweek before leaving with Wendy.

Tweek turned around to his uncle who had a worried face. “Uncle remind me to nugh never use one of Clyde’s chat up lines again.” Thomas face tuned into a huge smile “I’m more concerned you need to be told that in the first place, seriously what were you thinking.” “I panicked, it just slipped out!” Thomas calmed a little before holding his hand out “Anyway, it’s time Tweek, Lets go.” Tweek nervously smiled before taking his uncle’s hand. The ceremony was starting.

Wendy looked over at her servant as there carriage headed back to the Testaburger estate. “Tweek Tweak, What did you think of him?” Her servant smiled “Well, He’s the type of baby face boy that suites your tastes, my lady, so you two are well matched.” He smirked into his sleeve. “What are you talking about” Wendy then realised she’d just gotten too worked up due to his teasing and cleared he throat before she continued. “as successor to the Tweak house, his fate is to eventually come over to our side, so you may very well end up being more involved with him then I.” “Yes that does seem to be most likely!” the man laughed again, still enjoying his previous joke.

Just then he looked up into the sky “Oh dear” “Yes?” “It’s begun to rain. Perhaps this will turn out to be a storm?”

Tweek kneeled before his uncle in the ceremony hall. Thomas put the sword on both his shoulders before continuing on with the ceremony, Tweek trying his best not to shake to hard as he normally would as he didn’t want to accidently cause his uncle to stab him. “With this baptismal sword the impurities in thy flesh have been expunged.” Thomas then motioned his head to signal Tweek to go to the clock tower at the end of the hall.

Tweek got up and started to walk, hearing only his heartbeat and the faint ticking of the pocket watch. He had yet to ask his uncle about it, but he had more important stuff on his mind. “The ‘clock tower of silence’. If I state my vows before it this nightmare of a ceremony will be over.” 

Tweek then saw as he got to the top of the a familiar face wearing the robes he’d given him a few hours earlier. The smiling face of Clyde calmed nerves that had been telling Tweek to run. “I’m so glad he came!”

“Are you in complete control of that black haired brat Dos?” “I’m using Duldum to manipulate him. We need him to open up a ‘Path’.” “Make sure Duldum doesn’t go berserk.” “I told you, I have it under control!” 

“Before the ancient clock that ceased ticking 100 years ago, the actor is taking the stage referenced in the prophecies.” “Now, Let the countdown begin!”

Tweek kneeled before the clock and recited his vows. “Until the day when Gah the crimson heartbeat of this body falls silent, I shall continue to protect the name and pride of Tweak. This I now vow upon this land and my friends.”

DONG!

The clock suddenly rang out for all to hear. Everyone was stunned. The clock was broken, and was never meant to ring again. 

“When the one whom we await descends upon the promised land the bell will toll and break the silence. There is no mistake, he is THE ONE!!!”

Tweek didn’t know what to do. This wasn’t supposed to happen “I knew this was a bad idea, It’s way too much pressure for me. Why do I always have to mess things up.” He looked at Thomas for help but for some reason the entire room was now vacant. He then heard a voice, one he had heard earlier that day.

“A ‘Path’ is about to open up.” Tweek looked behind him to see a boy, a boy wearing a blue chullo and blue frock coat. the same boy who has strangled him after he touched the pocket watch. “I came because the melody lured me here, and I can smell the crimson reapers.” Tweek didn’t know why the boy was here, or what he was talking about, he could only stare in shock. “They’re coming.” the boy smirked before disappearing again.

Suddenly Tweek was surrounded by multiple people all wearing red capes.

Tweek was about to run when someone’s arm went around his neck, causing him to fall back and lose his footing. He looked up to see Clyde. His face had an expression Tweek had never seen him wear, no hint of good was in that smile. 

One of the hooded figure spoke “The one for whom we have been waiting has appeared, and the bell has tolled. The next thing we must do is…” Tweek was then stabbed in the chest by Clyde. Tweek stayed frozen, all he could do was stare at his chest, unable to comprehend what was happening. The hooded figure continued “The blade of a friend glitters crimson and the drops carve a path to the distant place. Now then, shall we move on to the judgement!?”

Tweek could hear Clyde behind him, slowly his laughing was becoming louder and his voice becoming more distorted “Your blood is different from that of other humans, it smells delicious..” Tweek only had one thing going through his mind “I DON’T UNDERSTAND, WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON!?” “I want to see MORE OF IT!!!” Clyde was now laughing uncontrollably as he raised his knife again and this time aimed for his eye.

Tweek shut his eyes to brace for the impact, but it never came. He opened his eyes to see that Clyde had been thrown across the room. The red caped figures had moved back and were looking above him. “And here I was just going to sit back and watch…”

Tweek saw a gloved hand touch his cheek and as it moved away it morphed into a huge claw. He turned round and saw the scariest site he’d seen all day.

A giant all black Guinea Pig with a blue chullo hat and frock coat was staring at him, a huge survival knife was in its right hand. This monsters spoke to Tweek “You’re really pathetic, aren’t you kid.” 

One of the hooded people spoke to the monster “Do you intend to interfere again? You Bloody Black Guinea Pig!!” The monster was now a human boy again. Standing behind Tweek he smirked putting his right foot on Tweeks shoulder, using him as a foot rest while he spoke. “How could you say that? I stopped that brat over there who went berserk.” Tweek looked to see Clyde, he was still breating but looked a little worse for wear. The boy above him continued his talk with the hooded figures. “This boy here is mine. Don’t you dare lay a hand on him, reapers.”

Tweek looked up and in the smallest voice he uttered “I’m….yours?” The boy looked down at him with his emotionless eyes before whispering so only Tweek could here “I made up my mind just now, hold your tongue.” The boy then looked back up to the others “If you’re going to kill him, I’ll do everything in my power to stop you.” The boy now put his arms around Tweek, embracing him tightly. Despite the situation he was in, Tweek was incredibly embarrassed and a light blush started to form, he wasn’t used to having his personal spaced invaded like this. “I won’t allow you to take what belongs to me.” His smirk crept back onto his face “but you don’t want to kill him, do you?”

At this point Clyde began to stir and had sat up, holding his head. He was back to normal now that the being that had possessed his body was gone. The boy that was hugging Tweek let go and also turned back into a monster, his voice now sounding more gruff “you lot are here to drop this kid into the Abyss, aren’t you?”

Tweek and Clyde looked horrified as they both remembered what Clyde had told Heidi earlier that day. “They say that a messenger from the Abyss visits those who have committed deadly sins, and takes them away to a terribly frightening place.” 

Tweek yelled at hard as he could “THIS HAS TO BE A TRICK! THAT’S ONLY A LEAGEND!” The monster behind him started to laugh. “Is that right. This kid’s coming to our side? What a joyous moment.” The monster was now firing chains with spikes on the ends at the figures. The figures were having a hard time dodging them. The monster was no longer talking as it entered battle mode.

Whilst it was distracted Clyde grabbed the cloak of the leader of the figures, Tweek saw this and called out to him “CLYDE!” Clyde didn’t acknowledge him as he started speaking to the leader. “Just what are you accusing young master of having done? THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON FOR YOU TO TAKE HIM AWAY!”

Tweek then saw the leader holding a sword and tried to warn Clyde “STOP IT CLYDE! HURRY UP AND GET AWAY!” but as the lightning and thunder struck Tweek’s plea fell on unheard ears. In the light of the flash, Clyde saw the face of the leader. Noticing this, the leader pulled his hood down more. Clyde looked shocked “You…are…” 

Tweek, desperate to help his friend saw the sword used in the ceremony on the floor and grabbed it. He leapt to his feet and ran toward the leader. He charged screaming “GET AWAY FROM CLYDE!” 

Clyde then did something that Tweek didn’t see in his blind rage, he protected the leader. “No young master, you mustn’t. This person is-!”

Tweek slashed Clyde across the chest.

Tweek looked up, snapping out of his rage, to see crimson splash onto Clyde’s clothes as Clyde fell to the ground. He wasn’t moving.

Tweek’s blood went ice cold and he shock the likes he never had before. “Cl….yde……w…wh…why…” Tweek dropped the sword and put his hands to his head. His mind was a wreck. “I…I….I..killed him..” Tweek made the most primal scream he could muster in his grief. Even the monster stopped fighting and a small hint of sadness went across its face.

Using this moment to his advantage, the leader cut the monster with his sword. The monster slowly began to fade. “Leave now, ghost of the Abyss.” The monster raised its middle finger to the leader as a sign of annoyance before shifting back to its human form.

The boy hugged the back of Tweek as he vanished, a small smile on his face “I’ll be waiting for you to come to our side. I’ve finally found my key..” and with that the boy completely disappeared.

Tweek felt broken and in no fit state to fight back when the hooded figures grabbed him. The leader spoke once more “Tweek Tweak. With my chain of condemnation I hereby pronounce judgment on you.”

“YOUR SIN IS YOUR VERY BEING!”

Tweek looked up to see a huge black winged bird. “Black wings are dragging me in.” Chains appeared all over Tweek’s body and pulled him down. His vision started to go black and he passed out….

To be continued…

Hey guys. Thank you so much for reading part 2. I hope you all enjoyed it. Apologies it’s a little late but I’ve been really busy this week. Also the amount of times I had to rewrite bits because the page refreshed was beyond annoying. Hopefully it won’t happen to much with part 3. As normal please feel free to ask me any questions and point out any errors that I may have missed. Hope you all have a pleasant day.

Doomed (BTVS 4.11)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

Doomed opens exactly where Hush closed--with Buffy and Riley silently staring at each other. There’s a distinct difference in the question they each have for the other: Buffy wants to know who Riley is while Riley wants to know what Buffy is. It’s already obvious that Riley has a job while Buffy has a calling. 

Of course, Buffy already knows much more about the Initiative than Riley knows about the Slayer. She does learn the official name they have for supernatural creatures: HSTs, or Hostile Sub-Terrestrials. Hard to take them seriously with that name. 

Buffy: I'm the Slayer. Slay-er. Chosen one? She who hangs out a lot in cemeteries? You're kidding. In every genera--You know, I really don't feel like doing the routine. Ask around. Look it up: Slayer comma The.

Amazing that Buffy’s ran into a group less competent than the Watcher’s Council. Buffy isn’t exactly thrilled Riley isn’t the normal guy she thought he was. After Angel, she’s just not looking for drama. Right now she’s looking for “not Angel” more than she’s looking for “new guy”. 

For some reason (the inconvenience of moving him, perhaps?) Spike is continuing to live with Xander. I can see where all the Spander fics launched because they’re definitely arguing pretty bad. I’m assuming Xander’s parents haven't noticed their new house guest or they’d be demanding more rent. Spike is basically useless around the house and Xander demands he step up. Surprisingly, he tries...but ends up shrinking his clothes and having to wear Xander’s. I guess all-powerful vampires don’t have to bother with laundry. 

Xander: No. You're not a guest. You're a vampire and you have no soul and I don't get exactly why we're not making you into Spike-on-a-stick.

Spike: Wish you would, if it's gonna be like this.

(breaks something) Property damage I can do.

Xander: That's it! I am way past through with you. Hate to break it to you, Oh, Impotent One, but you're not the"Big Bad" anymore. You're not even the "Kinda Naughty." You're nothing but a waste of space. My space. And as much as I always got a big laugh watching Buffy kick your shiny, white bum, and as much as I know I could give you a little bum-kicking myself now, I'm here to tell you...you're not even worth it.

Buffy has this habit of keeping her problems bottled up post-Angel. I think the confusion of her friends being traumatized from Angelus plus her still having feelings for him caused her to shut down. And honestly she never goes back to the way she was (I’m referencing her not talking to Giles or Willow about Riley being a commando, here). 

Buffy: I've so got a reason. Pretty darn good one. The last time we had an earthquake, I died.

Giles: Yes. I know that. And therefore completely understand your anxiety.

Buffy: Oh, good. Hate for my little"untimely, horrible death"concern to be ambiguous.

Now that I’m thinking on it, Buffy’s death was brushed under the rug a bit. Thinking she was going to die had to be horribly traumatizing and probably left scars akin to being a survivor of a brutal attack. But BTVS doesn’t have time for PTSD. 

Forrest: Well, the way I got it figured, Slayer's like some kind of Bogeyman for the Sub-Terrestrials. Something they tell their little spawn to get them to eat their vegetables and clean up their slime pits.

I found it a bit weird Riley doesn’t know about the tales of the Slayer while Forrest does. Riley ranks higher than him. Perhaps it’s alluding to his blinders when it comes to what he’s working for? Forrest, on the other hand, has narrowed everything down to black and white thinking: the HSTs are just animals. Riley hasn’t really looked into the Initiative while Forrest has and likes what he’s found just fine.  I feel like I’ve seen this mentioned before, but I’m definitely getting Forrest-has-a-crush-on-Riley vibes. He’s super dismissive of Buffy and extremely jealous anytime Riley worries about her over him. 

Willow decides to head to a party alone in the hopes that Buffy will eventually show. I hated when Willow overheard Percy mocking her. I really wanted to have some faith in humanity and believe the “jock” saw the “nerd”’s value. Willow ends up crying in some random dorm until she realizes she’s next to a dead body.

Buffy: Wow. See, I was kind of unsure about where the party was. And then I saw the flashing red lights and the ambulance, and it's like... oh, right, of course. Carnage. Death. It's a Buffy party.

After some research the gang and the Initiative realize something big is coming. We get to see that both sides have their advantages: Team Buffy has more knowledge of the occult while Team Initiative has convenient gadgets. 

Giles: It’s the end of the world.

Willow: We did this already.

Xander: it is losing its impact a little.

Giles: End of the world. Divisions break down, Hell itself flows into our lives like a sea of fire. Loss,tears and heart-rending pain without end for every human man, woman and child on this earth. Death ten times over. For each of you and everyone you love.

Xander: Hmm. Feeling the impact again.

I love when a television show is able to make fun of itself, so I loved the exchange above. After the world is supposed to end multiple times you stop believing the heroes won’t stop it. 

Buffy and Riley run into each other while on patrol and finally have The Talk.

Buffy: Can't... any of it. Can't be with you. It's a mistake, it's a huge black pit of a mistake and I can't go there again.

Riley: Again? You've dated me before?

Buffy: No. But I've been involved with...you don't know what my life is like.

Riley: And I'm dying to find out!

Buffy: Operative word: dying. There's too much risk -- there's too much... It's just doomed, okay, and I can't do doomed again right now.

Riley: I don't understand where this is coming from. I know you like me. And it's not like we don't have anything in common.

Buffy: But it's --

Riley: Buffy. I'm thrown by this. I'm confused. But I can feel my skin humming -- my hands, my... every inch of me. I've never been this excited by a girl and I'm not trying to scare you, not gonna force myself on you but I am by God not gonna walk away because I think it might not work. I don't know what's happened in the past --

Buffy: Death. Pain. Apocalypse -- none of them fun. Do you know what the Hellmouth is? Do they have a fancy term for it, 'cause I went to high school on top of it. For three years. We don't have that much in common. This is a job to you.

Riley: It's not just a job --

Buffy: It's an adventure, great, but for me It's destiny. It's something I can't escape, something I can't change. I'm stuck.

Riley: You don't have to be. You're not in high school anymore. You can change things.

Buffy: Riley... No.

Riley: I know it seems like --

Buffy: My answer is no.

Finding out Riley knows about the supernatural upped the intensity of their relationship in a way Buffy just wasn’t ready for. In the back of her mind I think she imagined slaying would stall and eventually end her relationship with him, which made him safe. She didn’t have to worry about going through something real again. But now that they could really fall for each other she’s running scared.

Xander: Is too. For one thing - that's my shirt you're about to dust. And for another - we've shared a lot here. You should have trusted me enough to do it for you.

Willow: Xander-

Xander: What? He wants to die. I want to help.

Spike attempts suicide (badly). I get they were trying to throw in a comedic moment there, but I don’t know...it feels like Spike hasn’t tried sufficiently hard to get the chip removed to throw in the towel. And I haven’t really seen signs of depression up until this point? I guess it must be difficult to change your lifestyle and not just forcefully take what you want after centuries, though. I’m not going to get into the politics of suicide here because the show kind of toys with what’s okay when it comes to vampires. It’s okay to murder them because they’re just things, so it’s not surprising it’s okay to mock their attempts to kill themselves.

Forrest: I don't know about this girl, man. She's got you whupped something fierce, and you haven't even--

Riley: You'd be wise not to finish that thought, private. Now carry on.

Forrest is gay Forrest is gay Forrest is gay

Riley: You've got this twisted way of looking at things. This -this doom and gloom mentality. You keep thinking like that, things are probably going to turn out just the way you expect.

Buffy: You know, there is nothing more dangerous than a psych grad student. 

Riley: Buffy -- where's the bad here? It just turns out we're even more well matched than we thought we were. I mean, you're a--fry cook. And so am I.

Buffy: Right. But you're an amateur... fry cook and I come from a long line of fry cooks who don't live past twenty-five.

Riley: Which is exactly the attitude I'm talking about! I know the risks of what we do. I also know it's more rewarding than any other job on the planet. And fun-

Buffy: Fun? Right. The last person I knew who believed that is in a coma right now because she had so much "fun" on the job.

Riley: I'm not saying you shouldn't take your work seriously-

Buffy: But just turn my frown upside down, is that it? I wish I could - but this isn't the kind of gig where you hang it up at the end of the day and snuggle with your honey.

Riley: But why? Why can't it be?

Buffy: I've tried it, okay? And every time, things fall apart - and I get sucked right back into the uber evil.

Riley: Welcome to the story of the world! Things fall apart, Buffy. Evil - it comes and goes. But the way people manage is, they don't do it alone. They pull each other through. And, sometimes, they even enjoy themselves. If you weren't so self involved, you'd see that!

Buffy: You don't know what you're talking about. You barely know me. 

Riley: I know that it's not just the job thing. I'm sure there's some good looking guy that done you wrong in there too but mostly I think you want to stay down in the dark place.'Cause maybe it's safer down there.

I’d like to point out that Buffy has picked up Angel’s habit of trying to run off in the middle of things. Or maybe they were just well matched there. I’m also going to go out on a limb and say at this point Riley hadn’t lost anyone on the job. He says he knows the risks like he doesn’t really know, know what I mean? Doesn’t this make you wonder if Riley was on the other side of this conversation with his future-wife post Buffy?

Spike: I should think you'd be glad to greet the end of days. I mean, neither one of you is making much of a go at it. You. Kids your age are going off to University -- you made it as far as the basement. And Red here. You couldn't even keep dog boy happy. I mean, you can take the loser out of high school-

Willow: I see what you're doing. You're trying to get us to dust you-

Spike: Am not. I just don't want pity from geeks more useless than I am.

Willow: We are not useless! We - we help people. We fight the forces of evil-

Spike: Buffy fights the forces of evil.You're her groupies. She'd do just as well without you. Better, I'dwager - since she wouldn't have to go about saving your hides all the time.

Xander: That is so not true. We're part ofthe team. She needs us.

Spike: Or - you're just the same 10th grade losers you've always been - and she's too much of a softy to cut you loose.

Man, Spike. Cut right to the heart of things why don’t ya? It makes sense we’re finally acknowledging Willow and Xander’s inferiority complex. It’s been in the background for awhile. We see from Spike’s smirk that he doesn’t really mean the things he says; he’s just trying to cause conflict. But he knows exactly how to do it. 

I’m a big fan of nostalgia so I loved the scene back in Sunnydale High. I read in the script that we see Amy’s mom there but I missed that. I’ll have to look again. During the fight scene Spike learns he can fight demons, which is a great revelation for him that allows him to take out some aggression and feel strong again. Buffy and Riley team up to save the world. 

Riley: Well, hey! Willow. Xander, right? What are the chances, huh? I was just passing by - and I thought I heard people inside-

Willow: You were just passing by...in your GI Joe outfit? 

Buffy: No offense - but you are looking wicked conspicuous.

Riley: I am? But it's... paint ball and then the aftershock and I-

Xander: So you're one of the commando guys, huh?

Buffy, your Faith love is showing. Riley doesn’t recognize Spike (which, really? They really do view them as animals). 

The episode ends with Buffy and Riley kissing. She’s decided to take the leap.

Character Notes:

Buffy Summers: She is a “Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius” making her birthday January 19. She labels herself (somewhat sarcastically) as passionate, artistic, and inquisitive. When she patrols she gets bored and memorizes things on masoulems like cereal boxes. 

Riley Finn: His code name is “Lilac One”. 

Willow Rosenberg: She’s very bothered by Percy calling her a nerd because she thinks she’s distanced herself from that. She was even dating a guitarist. 

Xander Harris: When they need to leave Sunnydale High, Xander runs to help Spike out because he’s fallen down.