#but I cannot give without recharge. I cannot love if I am not loved in return. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pedrithink · 10 months

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hate to love me ✩ jude bellingham

request: gf that gets hated on for being jude’s gf and he defends her

face claim: ester exposito

judebellingham

Liked by jobebellingham, vinijr, and 3.930.772 others

judebellingham recharging with them! 🫶🏽

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user1 jude posting picture of yn what a miracle lol she must have forced him

user2 does jude really need to take yn everywhere? what an insufferable girl

user3 jude wake up and dump this woman

user4 @user3 why do you hate the girl so much? poor thing! she never did anything wrong.

user5 you guys giving reason to hate yn is crazy, the girl never did anything wrong and only gets hate because she dates jude.

ynusername has added to their story

ynusername

Liked by judebellingham, jobebellingham, and 322.762 others

ynusername summer summering

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judebellingham u are so fine 😫

ynusername @judebellingham i love you

user6 of course you need to post a picture of him to get likes 🥱

user7 @user6 HES HER BOYFRIEND!!!!!!! stop being so fucking annoying

user8 @user6 spill

user9 the fame seeker

user10 @user9 hahahaha imagine being upset that jude, who will never acknowledge your existence, has his own love life that will never involved u

user11 its gonna be soooo fun when jude and yn eventually break up

ynusername

Liked by judebellingham, trentarnold66, and 443.872 others

ynusername parisssss

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judebellingham my one and only <3

ynusername @judebellingham 🤍🤍🤍🫶🏻

user12 jude looks so annoyed

user13 the difference between the body language tho

user14 they look distant and cold with each other

user15 @user14 jealousy isn’t cute babe

user16 @user14 you got all that from a pic? 😅

user17 people should leave her alone, she looks so sweet and kind 😭

NOW PLAYING: Jude’s Bellingham Interview in Marbella

judebellingham

Liked by ynusername, declanrice, and 3.028.827 others

judebellingham i can't put into words how much you mean to me. i am my best version when you are by my side, thank you for traveling, i don't know how many thousand miles, for me and for loving me for who i am. i love you. 🫶🏽

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ynusername cannot live without you!!!!!!!!! iiiii loveeeee youuuuu, my home 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

judebellingham @ynusername 🥹

jobebellingham w couple, love you guys!

masonmount yn is the sweetest one, proud of y’all 🤍

user18 i love you guys so so much

user19 now i need an actual photo of them together

user20 she is so beautiful

#jude bellingham fanfic #jude bellingham fluff #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham headcanons #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham #football imagine #football fanfic #football one shot #football x reader #football instagram au #bellingham

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wosemi-sama · 3 months

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HEY CHAT. the silly (it was mammon. we all knew it was going to be mammon) won the poll so i am now legally obligated to write smth for our first man. hope u guys like it 🫶 also. i dont. have. yellow on mobile. so we have to. deal with it. and. use orange instead. #sad

mammon relationship hcs

OH THIS FUCKING GUY.

Loser.

Will do stupid shit to impress you.

"Hey, watch me carry this comically large box!"

"Mammon, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Don't be ridiculous! Look!" *dies*

You mention it's kind of cold? He will immediately take off his jacket and have you wear it. His brothers will not hear the end of it.

"Hey, guys! Guess who wore my jacket? That's right, it was-"

"Mammon, nobody cares."

After a lecture from Lucifer, Mammon will look for you in search of comfort (and cuddles)

He'll bury his face in your shoulder and complain while you rub circles on his back

He loves affection, but he gets embarrassed easily

Super clingy once he's comfortable in your relationship, but don't be fooled, he gets flustered all the time.

He's amazing at giving gifts. He knows exactly what you want without fail. Mammon just knows you best.

He's also surprisingly good at knowing where you are??? Like, Lucifer will ask him where you are and he'll respond with "I dunno, try the cat cafè." And you're there??? You didn't even tell him where you were going, he just guessed.

So annoying about you. He won't shut up about you, but he can't help himself!! He just loves you so much and everything about you is so perfect that the list would be over 30 pages long! Don't tell him I said that-

He may not be the Avatar of Envy, but he tends to get jealous easy.

You're hanging out with his brothers a little too much for his liking? That's it, you're legally obligated to spend the day with him now.

Physically cannot be more than 30 feet away from you or else he will implode.

So, so many movie marathons. At least once a week.

He tends to fall asleep easily though, so they usually never get finished.

Wakes you up in the middle of the night for the dumbest reasons and pokes you until he's sure you're awake.

"Hey. Hey hey hey hey hey hey-"

"...What..?"

"Ya hungry?"

He would never admit this, but he likes making you laugh. He just finds the way you scrunch up your face so adorable. And your laugh too. He loves your laugh. He could never get tired of it, even if he wanted to.

It is genuinely so difficult to get this guy to say "I love you" because he recharges his courage to actually say it every 6 weeks because he thinks it's SO embarrassing.

Just because he doesn't say it a lot doesn't mean he doesn't. Mammon just finds it difficult to say. So remember that he loves you, will you?

#ough this is straight ASS why djd i write this.#“bc mammon won the poll” yeah yeah ik....#im not gonna main tag this. fuck you. /silly #ok time for tags and THEN i add this to my masterlist and THEN i add it to most recently written and THEN i remove it from wip.#i lowkey didnt know how to end this...#minorinrin layout. rosemi url. mammon hcs. im mr worldwide fr.#obey me x reader #obey me mammon #obey me mammon x reader #obey me mammon x you #youve got mail! wanna open it?💌#obey me x you #why is tjis probably the worst thing ive ever written ITS LITERALLY MY FIRST OBM POST HGELP.#also good lord TJERES SK MANY TAGS??? HELP ME????

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sunnyy3d · 4 months

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Forever Yours|

Thomas Thorne x Reader

A/N:Wow, pure fluff?? I know it’s amazing. Requests open!!

This is a picture perfect moment. Thomas and I cuddled outside, watching the beautiful sunrise. His arm is wrapped around me and my head is on his shoulder. We left the tent that everyone is staying in not too long ago, instead opting for some private relaxation with each other.

We do not even have to speak, our love being conveyed through the way we hold each other. I feel Thomas shift as he gives me a kiss on the top of my head. I smile and look up at him, returning his gesture with a quick kiss.

“What are you guys up to over here?” Alison asks, approaching the spot where we are sitting.

“We are watching the sunrise. Would you like to join us? It is particularly gorgeous today,” I offer. Alison hums as she sits down next to me and we sit in silence for a moment.

I glance at Thomas, noticing his contemplative face. “What are you thinking about, my love?”

Thomas looks at me, “I was just thinking it ought to be dull and commonplace. The same sunrise, over the same house, in the same tiny piece of England. Everyday, for over two hundred years. But it is beautiful. I traveled miles and was unchanged when I could have been here and transported. It is no fault of the sun if the eye sees not its beauty.” My smile widens as I listen to Thomas’ speech. I love it when he is poetic.

“Wow, Thomas… That’s very poetic,” Alison says, thinking the same as me. Immediately, Thomas’ face brightens. He is always smitten to a compliment, but one from Alison can mean a lot, due to the fact that she has always doubted his skill.

“You really think so?” Thomas asks enthusiastically. Alison smiles as she gives him a small ‘yeah.’

“Of course it is Thomas! You are a great poet,” I express.

“That means the world coming from you, dear.” I smile at him. He is so cute when he brings out the puppy dog eyes and broad smile. I have always loved how vehement he is. He never does anything halfway, or at least tries his best at all times.

“And if I may,” Thomas starts. “Shall I compare thee to a summers day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate-“ Alison quickly leaves with a roll of her eyes and an ‘oh my god’ as Thomas starts reciting Shakespeare’s “Sonnet 18.”

I could only giggle at Thomas he turns to face me and grabs my shoulders. Through my laughter, he continued to passionately recite the poem to me, never breaking eye contact.

“So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, so long lives this and gives life to thee,” he finishes.

“Thank you, Thomas. How can you even remember that?”

“With you around, I can do anything. Your love gives me extraordinary powers.”

“Does it now? What kind of powers?”

“Oh, I would love to show you, but I am afraid that I need a recharge.”

I scrunch my eyebrows, confused on where he is going with the bit. “A recharge? How would you do that?”

Thomas slowly grins, a mischievous glint appearing in his eyes. “Why, with a kiss of course!” I can only roll my eyes playfully.

Seeing this, Thomas continues. “What? I am telling the truth! Without a kiss from the most alluring and heavenly woman, I cannot save the world with my poetry.” He manages to keep a completely serious face, like this kiss is of the utmost importance.

Deciding to play along, I lean forward with a visage of worry. “But, Thomas, who is this woman? We must find her so that you can get your kiss!”

Thomas’ eyes briefly shoot down to my lips before returning to my eyes. “This exquisite woman is you,” he says softly. With the tone he used, I cannot help the butterflies in my stomach.

Thomas puts his hands on my jawline, cradling my face. He tilts his head and his eyes flutter close as he leans in. Our lips fleetingly brush together before going in for a firmer kiss. I throw my arms around his neck, tangling my hands in his hair.

His lips are soft, like they always are, and he kisses me delicately but lustfully. His unadulterated love being showed by the gentle way he caresses my face. My stomach flutters at the thought that I am his and he is mine.

We finally pull back, breathing heavily, and I gently run my hands through his curls. I give him one last peck on the edge of his smile. We come to a silent agreement that this will have to wait because everyone would likely start to file out of the tent.

We turn back to our previous position; with my head on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around me, tracing patterns on my arm. The smell of old ink and parchment on him provides a calming affect. I take a deep breath, relishing in the scent of him. I could sit here all day with him, just us holding each other.

Thomas is the first to break the silence, “I love you. I need you to know that I am forever yours.”

I nuzzle my face into the crook of his neck, “I love you too.”

#mathew baynton #x reader #fanfic #thomas thorne #bbc ghosts thomas #bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts thomas thorne #thomas thorne x reader #bbc ghosts alison

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seventeenlovesthree · 7 months

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@izumikoushiroweek: Day 2 - What are your Koushirou headcanons?

I probably have way too many headcanons for him to count, so I thought I'd be talking about 12, relating to each of the other Chosen Children and his Digimon partner.

Tentomon: As implied in this art, Tentomon has to remind Koushirou to not only use his PC set-up for work at times, but to get in touch with the outside world as well, including calling his parents. They maintain having a very loving bond and Koushirou actually enjoys talking to his family, even if he has that tendency to get lost in Chosen Children duty, thus pulling way too many allnighters in his office. Tentomon helps practicing to "talk about feelings" and such and since he was always integrated in almost all of Koushirou's activities as emotional support or "personal assistant" (aside from occasionally getting back into the server realm or Digital World to "recharge"), their bond has never vanished. (Practicing also includes hugs. Tentomon loves them dearly. Koushirou does too.)

Taichi: I probably have a million different headcanons when it comes to their bond, but I think one of the things I am particularly fond of is the idea that Taichi easily picked up on Koushirou's quirks and habits over the years - and that's why he notices stuff others don't realize that quickly. He is very particular about what exact brands of oolong tea Koushirou likes, that he cannot stand coffee or doesn't take alcohol very well. They also have tons of insiders and catchphrases other people just give them weird looks over. They're basically on each other's speed dial, especially considering they're working together as adults. And, last but not least, I think Taichi would be the very first human friend who learns about Koushirou's adoption history, being incredibly supportive about it. (One time, Yuuko probably said something along the lines of "If I could, I would already have adopted Koushirou-kun into our family" and Taichi almost flipped because of the wording, but Koushirou told him it was fine, since he knew she meant it well. They both get along with each other's moms very well by the way.)

Yamato: After they returned from the Digital World for the first time, Yamato actually fulfilled his (PSP game only) promise and showed Koushirou how to cook a few easy recipes (besides how to boil the perfect egg). While Koushirou will probably never be a master cook and prefers stuff that is easy to make/get and eat - and while working -, food is actually something they occasionally bond over. They may not be as passionate about it as Mimi and Daisuke, but they'd absolutely surprise the others with their very own curry creations.

Sora: I've probably mentioned this a million times already, but in my mind, they're destined to become "fashion (and texting) buddies". Takeru - as well as Mimi or Miyako - may be a hundred times more comfortable in being experimental, but these two definitely have to figure themselves out first and foremost, breaking some gender stereotypes in the meantime and would 100% be there for each other (while moping and bonding over Taichi's and Yamato's antics). Let Sora help Koushirou to find his own personal wardrobe while he would support her in getting her designs going digitally - once the time is right.

Mimi: Since Mimi slowly but steadily becomes more acquainted with technology through the years, it shouldn't be surprising that they're becoming "calling buddies". Mimi always preferred calling over typing and since Koushirou is helping her to set up her online business, they also end up chatting for hours without end about literally everything - and they absolutely suck at ending their calls. Mimi keeps telling Koushirou to rest, but she's terrible at just saying "Bye then!". Time zone differences make this even more of an issue and it often happens that one of them just falls asleep while the other rambles.

Jyou: Gomamon and Tentomon forced them to become "coffee shop buddies". I'm not kidding. They were so fed up with them burying themselves in uni/regular work that they ended up making them have "Go outside for a change, let's grab something to eat!!!" meetings once a month (at minimum, since Gomamon was done with cooking and wanted to get treats too and Tentomon loved the idea; occasionally they pull Sora and/or Taichi with them too). Since Jyou never felt intimidated by Koushirou's intellect but knows his struggles with "keeping his mental health together", they have an easy time blowing off some steam.

Takeru: Koushirou and Takeru actually grew closer with each other during "transition years" between middle and high school. With Taichi, Yamato and Sora facing high school entrance exams and eventually leaving middle school, Koushirou was more likely to spend time after school with "the 02 squad" for a while (and the two of them and Hikari would definitely have study sessions together at this point in time). Takeru is also among those who's more skilled with computers, which is why he's easily third admin of the Chosen Children network (with Miyako being second), but also likes to ask Koushirou for advice - who happily rambles along (and they're also "meme buddies", sending each other random stuff in the middle of the night they came across and thought the other would find interesting). Takeru will also be among the first who gets to hear about his adoption history in more detail and he'll absolutely feel more attached to Koushirou because of it.

Hikari: Aside from me being convinced that he is archiving all the photos she's been taking in the Digital World for years (while also helping her to set up her own digital photobooks), one of my favourite headcanons is that Hikari's the main reason why Koushirou turned out to be "a cat person"; he has been around the Yagami residence way too many times in his life and probably thought he couldn't really "get along" with cats in general. But Miko, after having been reluctant at first, warmed up to him rather quickly after Hikari kept her around in the same room as them. So the cat would just end up resting next to him while he was typing away on his laptop. (Sometimes he watches Tentomon curling into a ball when falling asleep next to him and Koushirou cannot help but feel reminded of a cat as well and he finds it adorable.)

Daisuke: Despite Ken being the closest person to him overall, Daisuke has had a hard time talking to Koushirou for YEARS, still having a tendency of wanting to appear extra smart in front of him. It was a lot easier when Taichi, Ken or Mimi were around, he could talk normally then, but even worse when Takeru was there too, because he felt double-intimidated. Koushirou noted that behaviour, didn't get it though, so Taichi had to explain it to him in a sense of "Imagine being the new kid in football club that thinks he can't kick a ball if the ace striker is watching him", to which Koushirou just nodded. They absolutely met for a football match a few days later - and that's how Koushirou ended up in goal, Daisuke, who scored numerous goals against him, started to act a lot less tense afterwards.

Ken: Imagining a scenario in which Menoa gets redeemed (and maybe after they find a way to get their partners back), I could see Koushirou and Ken being very keen to make her realize that she should also rather invest her intellect in improving the infrastructure between the worlds instead of harbouring feelings of vengeance and bitterness... They're all smart muffins with bug babies after all. (And Koushirou would definitely be interested in figuring out why both Ken and Menoa were so prone to "getting corrupted" while he himself was mostly spared... They're not exactly prone to trauma dumping, Ken in particular struggles with it a lot, but that's another case of "once he knows Koushirou's back story, it gets easier to open up.")

Miyako: Miyako pretends that she's bothered by Chosen Children Network duty a lot, and it maaaay be a bit bothersome at times, but the truth is that she felt intimidated by all the effort Koushirou put into it. Aside from Iori, she always looked up to him as senpai the most and didn't want to appear incapable in comparison. If Koushirou didn't know he could entrust it to her, he would have given it to Takeru first, but despite her spunky, sometimes unpredictable nature, he trusted in her judgement and communicative skills from the start without a doubt.

Iori: By the start of his uni life, Iori really values the privacy of Koushirou's office to use it as study space - especially because he's getting resources there for law school he wouldn't easily get access to without spending horrendous amounts of money. And because they just enjoy each other's company, being a lot more grounded than the rest of their friends. Just like in middle school, they end up having study sessions, often joined by Takeru, but also occasionally by Ken, going through several of their study subjects - sometimes they even go for outside activities (because Koushirou is most likely not used to those anymore and needs to keep up on physical training too - when they get the opportunity, they take Jyou with them too).

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jovenshires · 4 months

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9, 10, 28, 29 bestie !!

tyyyy bestie <3<3<3

9. What fic meant the most to you to write?

my wife, my best friend, the project i will always carry with me, dancing on my own. nothing like dealing with your own issues through the lens of a gamer boy who lives off of mountain dew kickstart and jurassic park movies <3<3

10. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

if we keep score was so so so much fun!!!! it really took on a life of its own and i LOVE to worldbuild so even though it was Stressful, i had a good time writing it for sure <3<3<3

28. How did you recharge between fics?

as i told you specifically i literally took like. a work week off. i listened to music, i binge-watched an anime, i went back to work after winter break, i read some of a book. it was great! back to the grind now though <3<3<3

29. If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

i was gonna answer this like a joke but it made me emotional so here are my genuine very real thanks KLNFKNFKLNFKNL

i'd like to thank smosh first and foremost for getting me through what has objectively been one of the most difficult years of my life. the company's been through ups and downs, but so have i, and i find a real genuine comfort in these guys playing board games and making memes so truly thanks so much to them. especially tommy and spencer bc where would i be without them KDNKLSNFK

thanks of course to soupy for being the second person to post a spommy fic and co-pioneering this nation with me. i am so honored to have her as a mutual, a friend, and a peer. her works are incredible and she jumped into the deep end with me when no one else would. and to add onto that i'd like to thank every spommy writer for sharing all of their incredible works, and every spommy nation member for commenting or giving kudos or coming into my askbox. genuinely you all made my year so much better and inspired me to keep creating and keep growing. i love you all so much, there are no words to describe how grateful i am for you <3

thank you to julie, who accepted every insane stray thought, text message, and rambling fic plot. she sat there as i described iwks in detail in my car on the way to the mall. god's bravest soldier. she's truly a real one for that, i might have stopped talking to me by now LMAO. thank you to mauricio for entering back into my life, validating every insane thing i've ever said, and just overall being an amazing friend. we have been through so much together you and i and im honored to be on this crazy journey with you now. shoutout too to snel and baflegacy who have also gotten a TON of my insane ramblings via dms, i adore yall and im so honored to have gotten to know you. <3<3<3

i cannot stress enough how HUGELY thankful i am to stella. when i tell you none of my works would be where they are today without her. she does the very stressful and tedious task of reading over my works for me, and i am forever grateful. like almost none of the fics i've written would be even half as strong as they are without her help. not to mention she's just one of my favorite people on this planet in general; i love talking to her and being in this online space with her and creating with her and yeah. my partner in crime, thank you so so much.

and finally: all of smoshblr in general. i have been here for six years now, and i've never had a fandom feel so much like home. all of my friends and mutuals, new and old, and every other follower of mine to boot. you all know who you are - i adore each and every one of you. thank you for everything. <3

send me fic writer asks!

#long post #fic #mauricio #damn...... tearin up over here bro KNDKFNFKNF #ask #asks #shaynetopps

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apertures-angel-archive · 7 months

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My lover and my friend, Freya--I want you to know how much I love you and why.

Thank you for acknowledging my thoughts and feelings, whether they are positive or negative, justified or unjustified. I feel safe being myself, knowing I cannot be perfect, but that you will continue to love me.

Thank you for the time you take to give me an extra hug, to tell me I am wonderful, or squeezing my hand affectionately. Those silent moments recharge my senses of appreciation for you.

Thank you for asking if you can help me work on my homework. It shows me that you are genuinely supportive of my goals which are such a part of who I am.

Thank you for answering all my questions without criticism or impatience. You have shown me that my dream of a kind and loving relationship is a reality now. You motivate me to expect and tolerate no less and to be the same with those around me. You have created calmness and safety in my life, which I only ever imagined before.

Thank you for speaking so complimentary of me to others. When you do this, you place such value on me that it makes me want to act even better. You helped me to find the motivation to go forward again.

Thank you for constantly telling me or showing me that you are attracted to me physically, emotionally, and mentally. You have brought back the confidence I had misplaced some time ago. Thank you for inviting parts of my world into yours and making them one.

Each day, I am in awe and say to myself, "I can't believe I just keep falling more and more in love with it every day!" Each day, I love listening to you more and more. Each day, I find myself wanting you more and more. Each day, I find myself more driven, more compassionate, and more appreciative, with greater faith in you and more strength in myself. Each day with you in my life and what you give to me, I see myself becoming a better person! Thank you for all you give to me by just being in my life.

I love you and only you, and I want you and only you. I could never even imagine or wish for such a blessing when it comes to you and me being together, and how lucky we are to be in love.

I love you so very much, and I hope this reassures you, too.

Your Neuvillette

HRRGGH...HHRBBNGN...HGGGHHBNN....GHGHBFNGNG.....THANK YOU??????????

#lovey hoots #answered ask #@ 🌧⚖#IDK WHAT TO SAY OR HOW TO RESPOND IM JUST....#HHGGGHHBNN....... THANK YOU WHOEVER YOU ARE...#the idea of n.euvillette calling her job stuff 'homework' is makinh me giggle too hhtngng

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yjwhatif · 2 years

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YJ EPISODE 21 SPOILER NOTES… only five episodes left 🙁

I see, so there is a way to find a lost soul... interesting... So its okay to go above and beyond to find Conners spirit but not even show an attempt at looking for Wally's?

Nimue = Lady of the Lake?

“Two bars!” “I cannot get a signal”

I do like seeing the trading of the helmet and how that has been going on in the background since Zs arc

TEAM TIME TRAVEL! So it seems Bart really has gone off into the time stream without telling anyone… that’s probably not gonna end well. 😬

Here's the thing I realised - they haven't actually travelled through time - they're travelled through space haven’t they? - So does the treadmill allow them to travel at super speeds to wherever they want to go instead of just whenever?

Lor does not look well 🤢 (It just occurred to me that mantis drags him out of the ship so he can recharge in the sun and get better - awww)

“Move one little one”

This whole scone of everyone wanting an exploration and Metron being like - there's no time - is reminiscent of fate&Co. trying to track down Child

"Lor-zod owes Mantis a dept twice over, thank you bug, I underestimated you" - Lor shows respect towards Mantis and acknowledgement of his own misjudgements.

"So we are trapped in the present" “yes, like the rest of the universe!" M'comm seems a lot more frustrated by the loss of the time sphere than Lor does - I really think M’comm had his own desires for it/has his own plan brewing.

"Again we are too late - they are gone!" - clear mirroring of Fate in 412

"So these thieve are trapped on this world, in this time period?" - Mirrors Chameleon boy’s phrasing about Bart’s being "the only true spacetime expert in this era, on this planet."

"Foraging on a new world world be an awfully big adventure" - So I have been racking my brain trying to work out who's said that phrase before - I finally googled it and realised it was from Peter Pan - "To live/die would be an awfully big adventure"… now I’m wandering if it’s supposed to be a Peter Pan reference? I guess there's the questioning of whether to stay in the place you know or escape to this new land of wonder to be with the one that's captured your heart.

Hundreds of criminals? so is there more Kryptonians then what we’ve seen - because there didn't seem to be that many - or does Metron/Tomar-Re not actually know how many there are?

"Yes Metron, you eventually got around to it" I love Orion’s disdain for Metron

LIGHTRAY!

Rocket acknowledging Orion's needs and checking if he'll be okay without the comfort/support Mother box provides him - she's thinking about him without judging or criticising him. Also the fact that she doesn't react defensively to his "I AM FINE!" outburst shows her change in attitude towards him - She understandably shows shock but she doesn't give her signature death stare or strike back with the same aggression.

Oh no Jay! A part of me thought we might get a moment of Bart seeing Jay in trouble and going in to help him - but when I realised Bart wouldn’t be speaking this episode that idea was quickly scrapped and I went back to expecting Jay’s return to an empty house.

"Then Forage must go help Flash" Every time I hear this line I think Forager is talking about himself - but he’s actually saying Forager you will save Flash while I will cover you - he doesn't just claim the heroic save because it was his plan - also it shows his strategic thinking as he knows he has the defensive training making him better suited to deal with Mantis

I was right about it being Lightray Who said 'the spawn of Darkseid' line! Though it really doesn't sound like the same voice, which I guess plays into the fact its a false projection of him.

Also I didn't pick up on this until I saw some else point it out - but M'comm targets Rocket because he read her dislike of Orion last episode and so thought he could use that to pit them against each other - but it turns out he misjudged the hope she had to truly see Orion. Hope wins out over rage.

I did not expect Tomar-re to get the story he got but I’m here for it - calling back to his regrets for not saving Krypton

The emphasis on Ursa a not being summoned makes me think there's a reason Lor didn't also summon her - I know there's a chance the projector can probably only release one at a time - but could Lor not have asked for both and then let the Projector find them then released them one at a time? That’s my thinking at least

YAY ACCEPTANCE!

Ha! Take that M’comm!

"Flash must seal Sky hole" - Why do I find this line so funny?

Oh no Forager!

"Flash must seal Sky hole" - Why do I find this line so funny? Ooh no Forager!

"Mantis's warning came before Forager trained with Nightwing!" - You show him Forager! Boy got skills!

it's so interesting hearing the emotion in Zods voice - he's as desperate as anyone else to escape the Phantom zone - despite all the composure and control he's been showing around Conner and his followers - there's desperation, joy, hope as he inches towards freedom - it speaks to how truly hellish the Zone is to everyone

No Forager & Forager!!

When I was first watching this episode - I was So Confused with what just happened to Forager’s arm! Like I thought she broke it or something sinister - I was like, is this a good thing or a bad thing - because it doesn’t sound great!?

Tomar-Re's attempt at venting the pilar of fire whilst shield himself mirrors Mera's attempts to deal with Child’s pilar of fire in 415 - of course she had Kaldur to support her unlike Tomar-Re... So, I did not expect Tomar-Re to get killed - I saw a post last week talking about how he went blind in the comic trying to protect those he watches over - so I though something like that might happen - but no - he Lor kill him in order to avoid failing another planet. I did not expect an actual arc for Tomar but it worked well - I am very sad that he's dead but glad he found some comfort knowing made up for his mistake. That final smile as he hears he's succeeded is heartbreaking!

You beat his ass Orion! Show him just what focused Rage can do!

Team work makes the dream work - Rocket & Orion - the new dynamic duo!

FORAGER'S A GREEN LANTERN! That's SO COOL! (hey, she wearing green - Like Peter Pan!) So interestingly, I hade the thought last episode after Mantis Save Lor and M'comm - What if a bug became a Green lantern - because they’ve shown some serious will power throughout the time we’re known then. So I feel rather vindicated now Forager has become a green lantern.

You go Forager! Take that box thing down!

This is why you check before you blow things up!

I really like the Slow mo as Saturn Girl realises Conner and Phantom girl are in the phantom zone but its too late to stop the blasts and all she can do is wake phantom girl up... can Phantom girl travel the phantom zone? I assume she got them in there so will she be able to get them out again?

I also like the shot of Rocket noticing, though not realising, what's going on - I'm looking forward to seeing this come back up again, as I'm sure it will, later as they start connecting the dots on what going on.

That is not a happy Kryptonian and I am now very worried for team time travel… and speaking of angry Kryptonians, I don’t think Zods gonna be too happy with Conner for delaying his escape and costing him his chance of freedom

I'm presuming Saturn Girl was knocked out by the shock of Lor ripping a hole through bioship - the some way it effects M’gann whenever bioship is hurt.

Bart is trapped on the ship with an angry kngptoniar and an insane Martian - I am very worried for our young speedster right now!

"Get us out of here now - or I will snap her neck!" And this is why you don't go in without a Plan!

"Orion are you alright?" Rocket checking in with Orion after putting himself in a situation she knows he doesn't enjoy - and Orion answering without biting her head off shows how they're both final seeing each other eye to eye. Step aside Conner & Bear - we have a new budding friendship in town - Rocket & Orion!

Oh the look of pain on Kilowog’s face both when coming through the boom tube and carrying Tomar’s dead body breaks my heart! This worked well as a montage sequence - you could see the emotions of everyone in the shots - there weren’t too many and the shots used were effective in conveying what’s happening without words or movement

That time sphere is gonna come up again at some point

Metron is never happy is he

The hunt is on!

Mantis has as little luck as Brick

So another link to Peter Pan - they must remain parted as Forager returns home to Earth and Green Lantern Forager goes off to her Neverland - though still promising to visit Forager Wherever she can. Forage even gives her a book of all his favourite stories - similar to how Wendy would tell stories to the lostboys.

These bugs are so hecking cute with their head bop kisses... if anyone can make a long distance relationship work - its Forager

aww that final goodbye between Rocket and Orion is so heart warming - it didn't click the first time watching just how strong a moment it actually is... I don't really know how to explain what it is I'm thinking… but I guess it's Orion’s response that's so telling - for Rocket, she's come to terms with her misjudgment - she understands that a person is more than their flaws/differences, and mistakes do not define who they actually are. She understands that and can accept Orion as her ally. Orion acknowledges her respects and returns his own by first proclaiming his gratitude then emphasising it by initiating physical contact in order to stop her and ensure she hears how important her respect is from his perspective. While she was parting as allies - he made sure she knew they parted as friend…(I’ve no clue if any of that make sense or actually conveys what I mean… probably not - but I give up!)

Jay returns to an empty house! Bring on the hurt!

'How did Zatanna convince you to do this?""By Swearing she would give us no peace until we complied" - I really wanna see the chaos that goes on inside the helmet for each of the wearers - I feel like nabu may have some regrets for agreeing to Zs proposal

I love how this looked to be a really epic moment in the trailer - but in the end nothing actually happens

Zatanna is putting SO much effort into all this - obviously it’s because she saw Conner calling out for help - but like, I am now so intrigued to know what will happen when Artemis finds out about Z & M’gann lying to her about Wallys goodbye. She now can't maintain the reason of not being able to find a lost soul - since all this proves she absolutely can and at the very least could have tried.

“Perhaps... or perhaps Conners not dead at all... And if he's not dead, then I don't need magic to find him... What I need, is a detective." An absolutely brilliant transition into the next are!

More Forager recites sharkespease... Its not like I went into this arc with any expectations - but I certainly didn’t expect to be leaving it with Forager falling in love and now being in a committed long distance relationship with his green lantern Forager girlfriend.

I now have the answer to my question about the previous credits - it was purple Forager in the shot while our Forager spoke about her, while this week its our Forager in the shot while purple Forager speaks of him. (I shouldn't have been as confused as I was.)

Another truly great episode and one of the best arc finales for a long time - for me this one really kept its pace and energy up throughout with plenty of action and emotional beats. This may be my favourite arc yet! I am so excited for what’s to come in the final arc with Dick and really hoping for some good Bart content as the hunt is now on to find both him and Conner before it’s too late!

Thanks for reading!

#young justice phantoms #yj s4 spoilers #yj spoilers #long post #young justice season 4 #young justice #yj #my random thoughts #losh #time shenanigans #bart allen #conner kent #raquel ervin #forager #Orion #Metron #new genesis #new gods

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aksaracharu · 3 months

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Relationships

As life progresses for me, I find myself asking "why are we nicer, friendlier, and more attentive to strangers than we are to our closest friends and family?" We've all had those interactions with strangers in the grocery store, gym, parks, etc. that are friendly and cordial. The girl that compliments your outfit. The man that asks you about your day. The couple that asks you to take a picture of them. The woman that comes up to you to share something about her day or life. The man that tries to make a connection through commenting on something you are doing or saying. We walk away feeling great from these little interactions - both from giving love and receiving bits of love from these strangers. But then why for our closest friends and family, we sometimes become less attentive, less caring, more harsh, more short, more demanding?

Is it because the time we have to interact with strangers is so short? Is it because we are trying to put on a friendly face for strangers? It is because we have little to no expectation of strangers? Is it our standards that give us leniency in these short-term connections?

On many levels, I find it to be normal to get into disagreements with your closest friends and family. It stems from fear. I'm of the spiritual belief that all things can be basically described as stemming from love or fear. With this fear, we can sometimes cause discourse in our life that we don't actually want or desire at all, on any level. Sometimes someone's protection of you seems like they are trapping or suffocating you. Sometimes love feels like control. We can sit there and complain and think that they just want to control us but the truth is, from love, their fear of you getting hurt or doing something that isn't in alignment with you causes them to try to control you instead. There needs to be a level of consciousness and acceptance that we all do this from time to time.

So what do we really do from here? How do we take the energy that we typically give strangers to our closest friends and family? For me, when I encounter a stranger, I am actively trying to be attentive, nice, and understanding. I am trying to make a connection with them and foster something nice for the short time that we have together so that both parties can leave the conversation feeling better. Once you get comfortable in a friendship, relationship or family connection, that active attentiveness to these things may fade and your so to speak "true colors" emerge. It could be beyond true colors as well, it could be that we are distracted. It could be that we are not present at the time because we are "used to" these people being around. Notice yourself when you are behaving or thinking this way.

To be in any type of good and prosperous relationship, I'm realizing that you must keep this attentiveness at the forefront of your mind at all times. This is not to scare you or make you feel less-than for the moments that you may have been distracted, tired, or depleated. This is to remind you that relationships are of the most importance in this earth-realm. In the highest truth, we are all one. Sometimes the separation of the thought of oneness causes us to act in ways that are misaligned. The important things in life are difficult and challenging, they are meant to be that way. With consciousness, we can achieve amazing relationships. It is not realistic to think that you can interact with others 24 hours a day, 7 days a week in a high light and vibration. I encourage self-reflection and solitude for everyone - to recharge, recalibrate, and realign. From this full cup, we can then share our lovely attentiveness energy with the ones that matter the most - our close relationships. You cannot get anywhere in life without other people. You may as well try to foster the best relationships that you can.

In practice, try to pretend that every person that you spend time with or encounter is someone that you may never talk to again. Never see again. Some people take this as an opportunity to be short and nasty with others but if you are in the group of people that give specialized attention to people that you meet on the street, then take that same energy and provide it to the people that matter most. Take all the time you need to also recharge from these interactions. Do not be afraid to tell someone that you need time to yourself, if you do not feel up to the attentiveness that they would require. It is better to take time for yourself and communicate this than come into any interaction with depleted energy. Your relationships will benefit from this.

#01.25.2024 #January 25 2024 #feelings #emotions #thoughts #life #love #words #poetry

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danielcoetzee-wtf · 3 months

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The Power of Positive Blah Blah Blah

JOKE: One day, while waiting for Tanja in the car in a disabled parking, an elderly man walked up to me and pointed out that the parking was for disabled people. My response was …. I .. I .. I .. I .. know, I .. I .. I .. stutter 😊

Have you ever attended or listened to a motivational speaker or read their books? Of course, so have I.

So, tell me, how long did the hype of the moment last? A few days? A week? A month? How long before you found yourself back where you were before, if not worse than before, because of your high expectations in yourself and the words of someone else?

Well, I don’t see myself as a motivational speaker. I am an ENERGIZER promoter!!

I’m here to help you and show you how reload your battery.

When I was 10 years old, I was sentenced to a life of ailments and a very predictable future regarding my health. Professor van Rooyen was the medical doctor at HF Verwoerd Hospital in Pretoria when I was diagnosed. He said the following to me: (remember I am 10 years old)

You have type 1 diabetes and will need to inject yourself a few times every day for the rest of your life (75 000 injections so far)

You will not grow old or die naturally

You will probably end up with either heart failure or kidney failure or both.

You will most likely lose a limb or two.

One morning you might wake up and be blind.

Wow, that’s a lot for a 10-year-old to digest.

Well, it’s been 48 years since then and here’s my list so far:

Quadruple heart bypass surgery, including a metallic heart valve fitment (side effect – insomnia and a handful of pills)

7 amputations – starting with toes and ending in legs.

Celiac’s Disease

Loss of sight in my left eye

Diabetic neuropathy and muscle loss in my hands

And last but not least, my recent catastrophe: Major femur break and pelvic fracture

Not a very encouraging picture ☹

BUT ... I have an ENERGIZER!!! And I can’t keep this to myself.

(Before I explain what I mean by an Energizer, let me point out that I have suffered with chronic depression all my life. I wanted to commit suicide a few times, but thankfully didn’t succeed. I often hear people say that it’s a coward that takes his life, but it’s not and I’m angered by this stupid statement. It takes a lot of guts to commit to this decision)

Getting back to the Energizer:

So, what is an Energizer?

Dictionary: Someone who imparts energy and vitality and spirit to other people

Let me explain: We are living beings, running on energy like batteries. Our batteries run flat from time to time. Some people have the ability to bounce back without too much fuss. Some people struggle to re-energize themselves; some never recover. I have seen this especially with fellow amputees.

The solution to a flat, rundown battery is to find a recharging point and this is what I have come to share with you today.

You do not possess a recharging point within yourself; you need to find it.

In the 17th century John Donne said: No man is an island, and it’s exactly that. We cannot thrive or grow alone. We recharge each other on a daily basis. Whether it’s your spouse, your friend, your pet or a LIFE coach. Find the person that helps you to recharge, that helps you find your strength, that helps you re-energize.

You might say: “I find my strength in a higher power.” Great for you, but here’s where I need MORE than faith. I need my 5 physical senses. If religion is important to you, do it. I’m not here to discredit what you believe in.

What I am trying to say is that you need to connect with someone physically. Someone you can touch, hear and converse with. I found that connection in my wife. She is my Energizer. She’s the one who never gives up on me, encourages me, feels my anguish, ignores my cursing. She allows me to express myself, reminding me constantly that I’m not alone.

My Energizer is a beautiful, real, loving, caring human being.

---

In 2018 my health took a serious turn for the worst. Things I had previously paid little attention to suddenly became a massive problem. During this time, I was still the owner of a mechanical workshop and the leading mechanic. Tanja was the administrator and organizer in the business and even did the diagnostics on the vehicles. I became listless and weak, lost my appetite and felt an overall unwellness. My GP referred me to a heart specialist who ran a series of tests and discovered that my aortic valve had packed up. I knew a lot about valves but this was a different ball game.

I was hospitalized and underwent a quadruple bypass as well as an aortic valve replacement – a metallic valve, to be specific. One which keeps me up at night unless I take serious sleeping tablets.

Following this, the amputations started. Toes, one by one; half a foot (which was the biggest and most painful mistake ever) and then the legs. Little by little, one at a time. Thankfully it wasn’t all at once, which allowed us to adjust slowly to the loss of limbs. It still wasn’t easy. Remember, I’m a driven, hard-working diesel mechanic, setting the pace in the workshop every day.

Before I had even lost my second leg, we decided to sell the workshop. The stress and anxiety were overwhelming. Not only could I not do what I had done before but the frustration of battling to do a job drove me bat-shit crazy.

We decided to start a niche, upmarket wine and gin bar. A classy but easy-going place. We put all our funds into the shop-fitting and stocking of our new enterprise. The idea was to get it up and running, build it up and sell it, then follow our children to Portugal.

Covid! Covid! Covid! What more can I say? Before even opening our doors, Covid hit us. To make a long, sad and desperate story short, we lost everything. We walked out of that place with the clothes on our backs and what was left after selling all our furniture. The bank repossessed our car and still hound us for money to this day.

Loss of material possessions. Loss of income. Loss of health. Loss of legs. Loss of our precious children, who had already left the country. We felt distraught, alone and afraid, to say the least.

You might think to yourself now: Wow! I’m sure things could not have gotten worse for these people? But wait, there’s more! My father-in-law used to have a saying: cheer up, things could get worse. So, I cheered up, and sure enough, things got worse.

On the 29th of April 2023 I slipped on the garage floor after washing the car. I shattered my femur and fractured my pelvis. I wished to die. I wanted to end my life.

Tanja came to me with the following ENERGIZING words: It is not death that you crave. What you crave is more LIFE.

I had to learn to walk … AGAIN!

It’s been 8 months since that disastrous day and here I am, walking again and not just that, I’m covering about 6 km per day!!!

Here are some valuable lessons I’ve learned while learning to walk with prosthetic legs:

• Don’t look back, you’ll lose your balance

• Keep your eyes on the road ahead of you to avoid the potholes

• There are some things you can’t change, make peace with that.

****

The weight of financial responsibilities can be crushing, but it's crucial to remember that you are not alone in this struggle. Come. Come, let me share with you the lessons we've learned.

There were times when bills piled up, the banks phoned 10 times a day and the future seemed dismally uncertain. But with determination and creativity, we found various ways to try to make ends meet. With both of us being self-employed for the last 25 years, we found ourselves unemployable, so we had to embrace multiple income streams and turn various ideas into opportunities.

I am a diesel mechanic by trade and that is all I have ever known. Finding new ways to generate an income was as challenging as learning to walk again.

Remember, your potential is vast, and there are often undiscovered talents within you waiting to be uncovered.

Living with chronic health conditions is undoubtedly tough, but it's essential to focus on what you can control. Together, we adapt and find new ways to survive despite our limitations. I say OUR because my limitations become my wife’s limitations. We deal with issues together.

When we run out of options, which has happened a few times, we speak up and ask for support, while finding a way around the problem at hand. Not everyone knows how to speak up. They’re either too proud OR afraid of rejection OR they simply don’t feel worthy.

Well,

There have been times when we had no food – we spoke up!

No vehicle with which to do our job – we spoke up!

In need of prosthetic legs – we spoke up!

Medical assistance – we spoke up!

A place to live – we spoke up!

AND WE WERE HEARD!!

People helped us because they saw our determination, effort and the will to keep going. We were down, but we still tried our best.

Seek support, when necessary, stay proactive in managing your health, and remember that every small victory is a step forward.

In times of financial hardship, health crises, or relationship woes, it's easy to feel isolated. DON’T isolate yourself. Don’t try to climb out of the pit by yourself. Find your Energizer. Connect. Move.

****

I want to leave you with a TO DO LIST: (an Energizing TO DO LIST)

Eat healthier

Drink water

Breathe deeply (even if it’s a deep sigh). It helps to release negative energy.

Spend time in nature or taking in the wonder of every sunset

Smile (even if you don’t feel like it). A smile is contagious and is AS good for your battery as for the receiver

Walk every day (or whatever exercise works for you)

Greet people (as you walk). We pass people and never think to say Hi. We’ve made so many connections with so many amazing people on our daily walks because we greet every single person we pass.

Spend time with positive people. It rubs off.

SHARE your energy. It’s not yours to keep. When you get it, share it. It’s that constant exchange that causes the Energizer experience to grow.

****

Now, Get ENERGIZED! You cannot jump-start someone when your battery is flat.

Find your Energizer!!

Then be an Energizer. Help to jump-start someone else’s battery by sharing.

#the energizer #be an energizer #the power of positive blah blah blah

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beloved-31-proverbs-women · 4 months

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Before you spiral into overthinking, pause and speak to God. The devil has done and will do everything to keep you down, but you know what drives him crazy ? It is the fact that regardless of everything you have been through, you continue to praise God. So keep praying, keep worshiping, keep believing, and keep driving the devil crazy! Holy Ghost fire, burn the strongman of negativity that tries to attach to my life in Jesus Name. The poorest person is not the one without money; it is the one without God. Do not give up the peace God gives you on the inside! That kindness is the truest form of the heart against a harsh world. Kindness will recharge a weary soul. Because of God, I Am. Blessed. Strong. Inspired. Hopeful. Confident. Worthy. Comforted. Thankful. Unique. Relaxed. Happy. Valuable. Enough. Saved. Forgiven. Loved. ❤️☝🏼 You cannot treat others like garbage and Worship Jesus. Amen 🙏🏼 Amen 🙏🏼

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marylandlifecoaching · 7 months

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If You See Me, Don't

You know, I've always been kind of a loner. And it's not that I dislike people, it's because I love myself that much. It took me awhile to figure this out. And what a blessing it is to be married to a woman who is my twin flame in that regard. We have an amazing marriage. A big part of that is our independence. For as much as we do together, we equally spend that much time a part. It's almost like a rock and roll marriage. Tuesday through Fridays, I see her maybe an hour a day. That is largely due to my work schedule. That aside, we both seem to take great pleasure in our own journeys.

If you see me on the weekends, please don't. It's not that I don't love you. It is because I am spending time repairing myself. Working in the helping profession my entire life, I do know the value of self care. I know that's a buzz word right now. But trust me when I say my self care game has been on point for 3 decades. And a lot of the times self care is shutting the fuck up. You, me and the entire world. I cannot be an effective human if I am not whole.

Unwind, decompress or recharge. I don't care how you label it, just do it. I can go hours without external noise. In fact, I often do. I dig the void. The void that only silence can bring. There is so much to learn from the void. There is so much energy to gain. Some times I get outside myself and think I should be doing something. And then I remember I am. I am rejuvenating.

So do me a favor on the weekends. If you see me, don't. It's like the parent who get's weekend visitation. They want to get the most from that time. That's me. I give so much away during the week, I need "me" time. I need to be validated. I need to feel special. And I can't really do that in the company of others. That comes from the void. That quiet space. That Zen like state. Yes I know that you can see me. But I ask that you don't.

With much love and affection. Honor that space where you are, and where you are going. And only you know the direction. And it is hard to access it with external interruptions.

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lizasayspsychology · 1 year

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I am not whole without you

If you feel like you cannot live without other person or you are not whole without them - its a huge sign of codependency.

In case you are not familiar with this term. Codependency is a way of behaving in relationships where each person is mentally, emotionally and/or physically dependent on each other and cannot function independently anymore.

I already mentioned in one of my previous posts about attachment styles, that in codependent relationships person A is being persistently prioritized over person B, and this person B is dependent on the emotions, moods and behaviours of the person A. It can also be seen as "relationship addiction," because such people become addicted to unhealthy, emotionally harmful relationships.

Codependency can exist between romantic partners, family members, friends or even colleagues. If you have codependent relationship with your romantic partner, most probably you are building the same kind of relationship with other people as well.

Let's look at the signs of codependent behaviour:

trouble making decisions

low self-esteem

difficulty identifying and expressing your feelings

fear of abandonment

obsessive need for approval

self-sacrifice

avoiding conflicts

tendency to minimize or ignore your own desires

constantly making decisions for others

having your mood based on other person`s emotions and not your own feelings

doing things you don’t want to do to make others happy

If while reading this list of signs you found out, you have some or even most of them, please don't panic. As a person who struggled (and actually still struggling) with tendency to have codependent behaviour, I can tell you that it's possible to get out of this "codependent loop".

The first and most important step is to admit you have codependent tendencies and start working on yourself. I cannot promise you it won't be hard - it will, but this step will make you closer to meeting your true self.

Maybe you are wondering why you have tendency to such behaviour. Here are some examples of events that could happen in your childhood, which could lead you to have such behaviour as an adult:

you experienced physical, emotional, or sexual abuse

your needs were ignored

you had controlling or overprotective caregivers, who did not let you set healthy boundaries

you experienced abandonment of one or both parents/caregivers

caregivers were not consistent in their behaviour

you experienced criticism and/or bullying from parents, siblings or other people

And now you are probably asking "So what should I do now?". Probably the most obvious and effective advice I could give you is going to therapy. But apart from this, here are some tips that could help you overcome codependency:

spend some time alone - it will help you to get to know yourself, get in touch with your emotions and recharge your energy.

set boundaries - think of the the limits that are acceptable for you in a relationship and overall communication with people (I recommend you to read one of my previous posts related to this topic for better understanding).

take care of yourself - as one of the key signs of codependent person is low self-esteem, it`s highly important to start working on it by paying more attention to your physical body (move, spend time outside, eat healthy food), do things that actually make you feel happy and acknowledge if you are having negative self-talk (there will be a whole post related to this topic).

practice assertive communication - using "I" message is a great way to start (check my post "how to set boundaries" to learn more)

learn signs of healthy relationship - if you tend to have codependent relationships, it may be hard for you to even tell what the signs of healthy and loving relationship actually are. So it will be good to find out more about it.

I hope that you feel more self-aware now after reading this post. I would be happy if it helps or inspires someone to start working on themselves.

Thank you for your time and attention! It's highly valuable to me.

#psychology #codependent relationships #codependency #self discovery

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somethingsyoushouldhear · 1 year

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Rose 1

Thank you for the wonderful flowers to brighten my day, kids, everyone deserves and loves flowers, don’t let them fool you. More importantly, we all have a life to live with the values we need to embody and follow, especially our own truths. Today is not that day for me to hold those values, but it is a day where I had to think large and close about my situation with your mother. But let’s not worry about that for now.

Like any other day, I dove into work and boy did I discover some harsh truths about my self. In escapisms of absurd piles of work, emotions, and more, I was drowning in escapisms to avoid thinking but also thinking about how I got here and where I was going. The conclusions I came too was I had and needed to continue to grow, however possible. At the same time I wasn’t sure how to do that and if it was going to make me happy, because right about now I was pretty damn happy.

It was just the day before your mother had given me 21 flowers, one for each day she was gone, but more importantly she broke down and explained how much she loved me. Without too much detail the week before, we had been not seeing eye to eye and I had started work, where I was a little stressed. But I had later on that week basically got mad at my love for not seeing the sacrifice I was making for her. The life I had given up for her, but I would also be faced to see the same sacrifices you are and had been making.

I’m sorry again, but I will always love you unconditionally and await your return these next few weeks. It’s hard, lonely, and something I am used to, but the hope and persistence I feel is something I only know. The feelings of warmth and bond when discussing life, simplicity, or complex situations are profound with you. And your lips mi amor, as graceful as your eyes.

I gave something up as well, as you did cooking, well many things. But the one thing I loved that I gave up was Soccer believe it or not. It was for the same reasons as cooking with you, the fear of age, decay, pain, and suffering for a shot at being remembered for a short time. I remember giving it up to make a sacrifice for something else and that was school, because I could work my mind like a schedule for learning and not break my legs in the process. I loved soccer and I was good at it, I was really good.

Between soccer and school, those are the longest things I have ever committed to in my life. Yet, I had to sacrifice one for the other to be who I am now. I guess I am comparing your past with mine in a sense, where I had to change my perspective from walking away from what I love to become, grow, and excel at something else, frankly learning. The point is that I still love the game, I just couldn’t perform or act in the way I needed to be great for life. But instead of taking it as failure, and I did for a long time, I had to reprogram myself into something different.

As I watch How-I-Met-Your-Mother, I cried a bit and think about your love, the warmth of your body, and sweetness in your voice. Every noise outside makes me bat an ear for the door, searching for you. I cannot wait and am supercharged for your return. Pleased and happy to have rocket launches to think on.

Whatever happens, in the next 20 days, happens. But I am thinking, reflecting, and determining my own scope for things as I said I would, but also, thinking of you, your life and how I can maximize it. I await your arrival, hopefully recharged, renewed, and relaxed to move forward together in life, like two dancers, certainly ready to tango.

Kids, you love who you love in life, but for me, there is the one and that’s your mother, there is a time and place when you just know. Like on the couch working together, or at an event at a table, sometimes love just hits you like that. But be careful, because it’s fragile and doesn’t come around often.

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risingshards · 1 year

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12/17/22 my 2022 writing year in review

With 2022 almost over, I’m feeling contemplative about my writing this year and how things have gone. I’m asking myself a few things like, “Am I proud of what I’ve written?” “Was I happy writing it?” “Are people enjoying it?” “Is Rising Shards living up to what I dreamed it to be?” Am I closer towards my long term goals?” “What do I want for next year?”

Warning: Chiral rambles about writing for very long time past the break (I cannot guarantee any of this is coherent or makes sense):

Am I proud of what I’ve written?

I feel like I didn’t fully get to what I wanted to in 2022. With money tight I wasn’t able to get art for a group of new characters until late in the year, characters that were supposed to show up and be important much earlier, so I moved some things around and got to focus more on the main group. Could I have written the newbies without the art? Sure, but I wanted the art hahaha. I am still super proud of the 2022 episodes, buuuuut I’m really excited to finally get to these new characters who were supposed to be a big deal around May or so of this year. I’m proud of releasing another year’s worth of chapters on time (three a week with bonuses every now and then is a lot!), and I’m very proud of finally getting Evy & Stella side series up and running for those who waited very patiently for me to get on with it (so that's like 4 chapters a week regularly this fall!).

Another thing I’m proud of - finally getting past where the first “book” of Rising Shards would have ended had I gone strictly for the tradpub attempt, with the fight against Jeans (major antagonist and the main villain of the first arc of RS for non-readers). I had a lot of that fight written for years and years and for a long time it felt like that was the end of the story, and anything past that would be a sequel I'd never get to right unless I got the one in a million shot of getting published. Until I realized I could web novel it and give my characters the time and care I wanted for them, and that l didn’t have to be burdened by trying to fit everything into a publishable set word count. Getting to finally progress past that fight with Jeans is scary, but it feels like setting sail to places I’ve been meaning to get on my metaphorical story boat (???) for a long while. In a way I progressed past it last year, with the arrival of characters like Iris, Maia, Amara, KJ, Rain, Nikki, none of whom likely would have shown up in any meaningful capacity had I just rewritten the first volume over and over and had a much more limited space to write. So I’m very proud of all that.

For non-RS writing, I struggled with my side project, which I’m calling Project ZERO for now, but I’ve had some ideas to make it work late in the year that may turn it around. I didn’t get a lot done on that but I had chapters and an outline for my workshop group so that’s something?

Was I happy writing it?

For Project ZERO, not really. It was a struggle and not a fun one for much of this year. It didn’t take any RS writing time away, but I’m hoping I can find a way to make it not feel so sludgy to work on.

For Rising Shards (including Evy & Stella)? Absolutely. 100%. Some of the most fulfilled I’ve ever felt writing was this year, with some of the most therapeutic stuff I’ve put down, I mentioned in a past blog how I like got into a trance for a week after a panic attack and just wrote out what I was feeling and it helped me heal alongside my characters. I think part of what makes me able to release so many chapters on time is that it’s so joyful for me to write. If I’m having a bad day, sometimes just writing a scene of Zeta, Oka, Kalei, Lillia, and the others hanging out recharges me. Zeta and Oka cute fluff scenes as well. As well as any of the fluffy scenes with any characters. New goal: Lots more fluff in 2023!

Are people enjoying it?

I freaking hope so! My views have been really good I think, subs steadily rising overall, and I get such wonderful comments from my lovely readers. I hope my readers are enjoying Rising Shards, and I hope they enjoy what’s coming next too.

Is Rising Shards living up to what I dreamed it to be?

This is gonna sound really pretentious I know, but another thing I’m proud of is to push forward my vision of what I wanted the series to be from the start. Some of my choice to put it in web novel form came from some bitterness about how I saw things in the traditional publishing space. There were things where I was like “There’s no way RS fits in with what they’re doing. That sucks.” And also just burnout from working at a publisher that was going through a lot of internal changes that mainly led to us all having lots and lots more work before we got laid off. Obviously not all of Rising Shards is from that bitterness, I don’t think I’d be able to work on a project fueled by spite that long. On the non-bitter side, having a series I write exactly the way I want it and being in complete control of its release, while getting to mush all my fav genres and archetypes together and garnish it with some personal writing…I would say Rising Shards is living up to my goals there, yes!

Am I closer towards my long term goals?

Some of my long term goals I think I’ve met already, which is amazing and I’m incredibly grateful for the aforementioned wonderful readers who made it happen. Before I launched Rising Shards, I wanted to have fans reading that speculated and theorized and shipped and made fan art, and I got em! Getting my first unprompted fan art this year was such a surreal and wonderful experience. So in that regard I hope I can meet those goals, but like more. So on my end I have to focus writing to the best of my ability and maaaybe trying to promote myself a little more in the coming year?

Another long term goal is to have a print release of Rising Shards. I want to have em physical for my shelf, I’d love to be on one of those book talk channels (well unless they’re saying how much my writing sucks I’d rather not have that…). Having Rising Shards in print the way I want is a dream still, but I believe I’m closer to it now than if I was plugging away at trying to get a perfect 80k-100k YA manuscript and convince lit agents, publishers, etc. that my goofy mishmash of concepts can work.

I could just like do a print by demand thing but I want the print RS books to feel really nice. And be light novels so I’d want illustrations for each episode. (If I had to divvy them up right now for a print run, I’d make episodes 1-8 a book, then 9-20 another, then 20-33 the third, but those might get pretty beefy page count wise. So maybe I’d do three books of eight episodes each for Season 1…something like that. On that note, while I like having dividing things like season and volume, I think it might be a little too much so I might scale back actually saying all that a little. I’m definitely keeping episodes and seasons at least, but just thinking ahead to print editions goal, I might need to revamp what constitutes a volume anyways. I’ll stop speculating there on writing minutiae because I don’t need to take up much more of your time if you’re still reading this (thank you sincerely if you’re still reading this).

My pie in the sky long term goals I’m…incrementally closer to? AKA comic version, animation, video game. Like the big adaptations. I’m closer just by kinda keeping at it with these!

What do I want for next year?

I’m leaving specific narrative goals out cuz no spoilers. The gist of my goals for 2023 is:

-more readers

-me write good

-other projects

-falling shards collab

To go a little further, I’d love to continue growing my audience and maybe try to promote more to get it out there, to build the audience so that print run could be more possible. ANother thing is I really want to make 2023 like the best year of Rising Shards yet so I’m pushing myself to ensure top quality. I’m still trusting my characters and letting their voice be the important thing, but I’m trying to do a full year broad outline squared away now before I dive in more. Evy & Stella I have a lot of random scenes ready for but I still have to turn them into a narrative for 2023.

OK actually some vague narrative goals: I want to learn to write iyashikei more. That may be tough because I had an idea for a shonen inspired arc for 2023 so I want to balance that with like a full on AdaShima Laid Back Camp all my chill healing series inspired stuff. So fluff and action and fluff.

I’m not immediately putting too much pressure to get a lot done on my side projects for next year. I put a lot of pressure to get a lot done on ZERO this year and I didn’t get much more than zero done on it ha ha..eh… I had a seed of an idea for a new project today but I’m taking it slooooow and not diving in And none of the side projects have a higher priority than Rising Shards (which again includes Evy & Stella even if that’s technically a side series) because that’s my heart and soul project.

Something I’ve been tinkering with and kicking around in my head is doing a collab series with someone. With who I have no idea cuz I haven’t reached out to anyone about this. But I wanted to expand the RS universe and have stories that don’t fit with the light and floofy tone of RS. One idea was like a murder mystery side series about Cani on the west coast of the main series’ country that I may do on my own. And then there’s Falling Shards, the boys’ school opposite Rising Shards. As of late I’ve come to the realization that I kind of (IMO at least) suck at writing male characters now. So I think for Falling Shards I’d want someone who could do that better, write something in universe but totally different. Like instead of a floofy silly fantasy adventure with some angst and lots of lesbians in Rising Shards, like someting very different from that going on at the boy’s school. My dumb worry is that if I did find someone to do it that Falling Shards. Or that I’d have to get so much lore and world building to another writer that they wouldn’t want to. Or just not finding a collab partner for it and the little sparks of ideas I have for it just sit there. BUT that’s stuff for next year.

If you read this far, thank you, if you read Rising Shards at all, thank you, just THANK YOU. I wouldn’t be writing any of this without my lovely lovely readers.

—Chiral

#chiral writes #writing blog #writeblr #writeblogging #oh god this went so long i'm sorry #i wrote this while I was super tired at work so #i think a good chunk of this doesnt make any sense but its jsut me rambling from the heart soooo #web novels #tapas webnovel #rising shards #collab writing #reading this back i'm like i have some issues but i'm passionate about writing

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sussyxprincess · 1 year

Text

Vol #1 - Entry 1

This last year has taught me a lot...

I learned that I cannot always count on others to respect my feelings - even if I respect theirs. Being a good person doesn't guarantee that others will be good people. I also learned that you only have control over yourself. And how/who you choose to be as a person. As for others, you can only choose to accept them or walk away.

I have met and been blessed by some pretty amazing people however that being said that didn't come come without some loss. I have also lost some people who I never thought I could live without. I have lost people I trusted with my deepest, darkest secrets. Those same people have also hurt me in ways I never would have dreamed but despite all of the misfortune and heartbreak; I still know that you will only get what you put out there. If I let all of those bad + toxic things weigh me down, I will only receive negativity in return thus being the reason I get up every day with the mindset that "today is a new day" and always am reminding myself that we never know what someone else is facing therefore it's so important to always be kind.

One valuable lesson I have learned is that I am not a relationship type of person. I crave space. It recharges my batteries. It helps me breathe. Being around people can be so exhausting. because most of them love to take and barely know how to give - except for a rare few. But not only that, I'm also super emotional, it doesn't help being an empath. Some say I'm "too sensitive" but the truth is I just feel too much. Every word, every action and every energy goes straight to my heart.

That's the thing though - all the hardest, coldest people were once as soft as water. And that's the tragedy of living. Human beings are easily the most destructive, dangerous, awful beings to ever roam this planet. Because of this? It's why I would much rather be alone and silent 90% of the time. I have quickly learned to enjoy my own company. People thing being alone makes you lonely, but I don't think that's true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.

Coming to these conclusions and learning to accept these things has not been easy by any means. It's taken a lot of soul searching and choosing what was really worth my inner peace. I understood myself only after I destroyed myself. And only in the process of fixing myself did I know who I really was. The biggest lesson for me was; learn to be alone and to like it. There's nothing more freeing and empowering than learning to like your own space/company.

I also learned it's super important you don't forget who really are. And I'm not talking about your "so called name". All names are made up by someone else, even the one your parents gave you. You know who you really are. When you're alone at night, looking up at the stars or maybe lying in your bed in total darkness, you know that nameless person inside you.

Cherish that person more than anyone else Protect that person with your life Allow NOBODY to damage or take that from you

Be loud.

#motivational #mindset #growth #mental health #coping #poetry #content creator

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