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beanghostprincess · 5 months

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Love the concept of Usopp falling for Transfem!Sanji but all of his attempts at flirting end up just being cute and making sanji laugh (genuinely laugh. A sweet laughter. She's head over heels for him too btw) but he wants it to be sexy. He wants to turn her on, or, whatever. But whenever he tries to be sexy he ends up failing miserably because he forces it to be extremely normative (exercising shirtless type of sexy. Don't take advice from Zoro) instead of just being himself. And as I said, he takes advice from fucking mosshead so of course he isn't going to look the type of sexy Sanji likes.

Nami has to physically drag Usopp to the girls room with Robin so she can call him thousands of insults before actually telling him that he's acting like a fucking idiot. That Sanji likes him back already. So Usopp is like, all hopeful and happy and says: "Oh! So you're telling me to just be myself?! :D"

To what Nami replies with the scariest most intimidating evil laughter in the whole universe: "Oh, no. Darling. No. You have no fucking idea what women like, do you?"

He's pretty much scared.

But Nami and Robin end up telling him the secrets of womanhood or, well, what they personally like. And Nami doesn't even like men, but she knows how to read a room and manipulate other girls with men and also, she's a lesbian. She knows what women like. She likes women. Women like her. She's the best person for this job. And also Robin because she's older and wiser.

And also, they share a room with Sanji. They talk at night. They know what she likes.

So they tell Usopp about hands. About how crazy Usopp's hands drive her while he works and that he should use them to his advantage (put a hand on her thigh casually while they talk, brush their hands together more often, tuck her hair behind her air sometimes, show her some of his inventions with his hands pretty much being the main focus, etc). Basically, they tell him to sexualize his hands as much as possible because everyone fucking knows Sanji has a thing for that. And Robin can confirm girls like that because every time she sees Franky build something it makes her knees weak (she says this in a very weird and off putting tone so Usopp isn't sure if 'making her knees weak' is some kind of euphemism for darker, more intimate things he is not ready to hear).

Then the hair. Nami is always saying Usopp's hair is spectacular, but also, that Sanji goes insane whenever she sees Usopp first thing in the morning. Messy, undone hair and everything. So the navigator insists on him being a bit more careless with it. Not caring that much about ponytails or buns unless he makes them look really good and intentionally messy.

He has to forget about the whole 'shirtless exercisisng' thing because that's Zoro's way of being a gym bro and attracting their captain (and it only works because he's already dating Luffy and Luffy enjoys seeing his boyfriend doing whatever) and instead focus on being casually shirtless. And it's not like Nami supports the massive whores this ship has because she's exhausted of men being so disgusting around here, but if it's to help them out (she only wants them to stop pining because it's annoying) she will let Usopp walk around the place without a shirt on (as if he didn't do it already but, y'know, this time is obvious he does it intentionally).

Robin then says something about Sanji liking dominant guys, which, well- It's a thing Usopp already knew because it's not hard to tell. But also the archeologist mentions that he should act more confident around Sanji. Be less anxious (as if it were easy, btw) because he has absolutely nothing to worry about. She won't fall out of love, seriously, she's too down bad to get up at this point and the worst thing that can happen is Usopp looking cringey. But confidence looks good on him! So he needs to do all these things without it being obvious that he's trying to be sexy.

Basically, they end up telling him a few more things that girls like Sanji love in men, and Usopp realizes that it's not actually changing himself but accentuating his personality to a bit of an extreme sometimes to get Sanji focus on him.

And it works. it- It surprisingly works???? What the fuck.

Because Usopp does everything Nami and Robin told him. He touches Sanji more. He runs his hands through her arms and thighs slightly and casually when they talk and it makes Sanji cough and blush and needing a moment of silence to continue speaking. He works in the kitchen and specifically build things that need a constant use of hands. He lets his hair undone all day long or only wears messy buns, and he doesn't say anything if he catches Sanji bleeding or fainting (he really, really wants to go help but he knows it would only makes things worse so he lets Chopper take care of it). He doesn't wear t-shirts anymore (he didn't already, but now it's different) and casually stretches or rests his elbows on the ship and makes poses when Sanji is looking. He starts to talk more in a more confident manner. Voice deeper. Words clearer. Once, he even places himself behind Sanji while she's cooking and tries to grab something from the top shelf of the kitchen, resting his hand on her hip for a long second. It drives her wild. To be honest, Usopp didn't even do that on purpose but Nami congratulated him on that one, and he couldn't just say it had happened naturally.

Sanji is a mess, btw. Her food is still perfect and she fights normally but whenever they're not doing anything important she seems lost in thought and the whole crew is so done with her and Usopp. She doesn't even want to fight Zoro anymore and it frustrates the swordsman because their lil arguments and fights are kind of a thing between them and it's ruining his daily schedule!!! Usopp is going to be the death of her, honestly, and Zoro is then going to kill Usopp for that (me and my beautiful love for platonic Zosan).

But neither of them does anything or makes the first move because they're stupid and deep inside they're shy and they're used to being pining idiots.

Then, Usopp takes all this flirting thing a bit too seriously. Because he is stupid and fears that if he stops, Sanji will lose interest in him. So even if it's raining or snowing, he's shirtless. He says it's that a confident man like him doesn't need clothes to be warm, only Sanji's beauty (or something like that, he said). But even Franky is wearing a jacket, so... Also, he tries so hard to accentuate his hands movements when he works that he doesn't get the job done most of the time. And his hair keeps getting in the way and bothering him while he fights. It's a mess.

And Sanji notices because she might be extremely turned on by him but she's not that oblivious.

So one night she sees Usopp fucking freezing because they're close to a winter island and he refuses to dress properly. At least his hair keeps him warm, sort of, but he can't work like this, either. Sanji rolls her eyes and just approaches him without saying a word, throws him a sweater, wraps him in a blanket, and before Usopp can say anything, Sanji starts to tie his hair up into his usual ponytail. Usopp refuses and keeps saying that he doesn't need this! That he's God Usopp and can handle a little but of cold! But he doesn't stop her from doing all of these things, in the end.

Sanji only laughs and gets a hold of Usopp's hands to warm them up, sitting next to him. She breathes against them and now it's Usopp's time to blush uncontrollably. Sanji looks up from there. "You're a moron, you know? You don't need to do all of this."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Blatant lie.

The cook keeps holding his hands but rests her head on Usopp's shoulders, cuddling against him. "You look really handsome with your hair tied up."

"Uh? I- Thank y-"

"And I love your hands, but if you don't take more care of them I'm going to kick your ass. And also, if you get sick and affects our adventures and your sexy voice I will end you."

"Sexy what-"

"I like it when you blush and stutter and are anxious about every little thing, too."

So Usopp squeezes Sanji's hands back (after a whole long second of analyzing what the other just said) and lets himself rest against her, her undone hair falling over his shoulder and her perfectly polished nails brushing his skin. She smells sweeter than usual. Like chocolate. And even if it's cold, she needs to wrap herself in the blanket too because she's wearing a short dress.

Perhaps Usopp hasn't been the only one trying hard to accentuate his good traits. And God, Usopp loves her even more every day.

The sniper tries to be confident and wrap an arm around her shoulders, but he hesitates, and that same second, Sanji is the one to guide it around her body.

And Usopp is nervous and blushing and Sanji's kicking her feet under the blanket. And it's extremely messy. And perfect. It's always perfect.

#okay so #i love them to death #and i am so so so so soft for usopp x transfem!sanji #they make me extremely happy #and they're idiots in love #one piece #black leg sanji #transfem sanji #usopp #sanuso #nami #nico robin #roronoa zoro #zolu but y'know it's just there randomly #and frobin but again just supporting couple

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genderqueerdykes · 1 year

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heya

i can't sleep because my sexuality in relationship to my gender has been bothering me.

im transmasc, but genderfluid. not just boy/girl genderfluidity, it's all over the place. and i feel like i identify with being a gay man sometimes, and i also go through periods of feeling like a masculine lesbian.

i know how controversial this is and it breaks my heart because i can't figure out what to do. i know my identity should be for me, but i don't want to make people uncomfortable if i come off as a boy who's a lesbian sometimes.

also i feel intense imposter syndrome over this when i switch around. but it undeniably makes me feel like myself when i say I'm a transmasc genderfluid bi lesbian, which makes me feel good of course. i just wish i could stop feeling bad about it

is any of this normal and is there any other genderfluid ppl with complicated relationships to their sexuality? i feel alone here i guess

love your blog btw makes me happy and validated when i read what you and your followers have to say to people 💖

hello! thanks for stopping by!

i think it can be very easy to work ourselves up and over think things when it comes to how people will receive us in queer spaces- online queer spaces have been needlessly hostile over the past few years, mostly due to the relative anonymity and virtually zero consequences for being harmful and rude. it's okay to get scared sometimes

it may seem 'contradictory' or 'controversial' but it isn't that uncommon to go from identifying as a gay man to identifying as a masculine lesbian! genderfluidity means your genders can be. whatever. there's no set rules, and it's okay if your attraction changes when your gender does. mine does, as well. abrosexual and abroromantic may suit you

you don't have to pass any tests or anything like that to be successfully seen as genderfluid, it's okay if you change to be whatever, whenever. i always identify as a butch lesbian & a femme gay bear, all the time, no matter how I feel or who is fronting in my system. while some cishets may not get it, most queer people i explain this to say "oh yeah, i totally caught that vibe"

it can be scary to have "Strange" identities, but the meaning of "queer" is literally "weird" and having a weird identity falls right in line with the community. you're allowed to be a transmasculine lesbian, and you are even allowed to be a male/boy lesbian- there is no actual cosmic rule stating that lesbians cannot be men, partially men, or be genderfluid and be men sometimes

regardless of how others perceive you, you know who you are. you are the arbiter of your lived experience, and while someone misinterpreting you can be painful and inconvenient, it shouldn't define your experience. if people don't understand, keep going til you find the ones who do, and the ones who try to. even if people don't "Get" your gender, there are a lot of folks who will respect it, anyways, and you deserve that

hope that helps and makes sense. take care of yourself, good luck out there. there are no rules when it comes to be genderfluid. genderfluid people are encouraged to fuck with gender, rules, roles, presentation, etc. and it's only natural that a genderfluid person will have identities that "conflict" when approached through a non-queer lens. identities don't have to "make sense", they are mostly comprised of feelings !

good luck out there! feel free to stop by again

#asks #answers #genderfluid #lesbian #gay #transmasc #transmasculine

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j-vin · 1 year

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What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

Gay men are sexually attracted to men. I can't deny it. From my personal experience as a transman, no gay man was interested in me and I respected that.

"Transgenderism" isn't based only on gender norms. The main discomfort gender dysphoria gives is body. Dysphoria can be also social (meaning how other perceive you, your identity and proununs). But yeah, trans people have different experiences with gender dysphoria. And, for example, as most cis ("normal/biological" or whatever you wanna call them) boys dress up masculine, that applies for trans boys, too.

It's not impossible that some people lie about their gender identity (or are maybe in a period trying to discover themselves, having small chances of being just confused), but transitioning is a very big step a person could take, so there's defenetely not just words and stereotypes on that. Also, getting the continuous discomfort gender dysphoria gives isn't a choice or a short phase, as it is caused by hormones in puberty (that's why kids "become" trans). If it was like how radefms (more specifically, "TERFs"), then it would be impossible for a therapist to agree/recommend transition.

Now I got some questions for you and the other Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists:

Why wouldn't a lesbian date a COMPLETELY transitioned woman (except from personal dating prefferences) if not from transphobia? (and vice-versa)

Why do you judge trans people for using stereotypes to identify as something when you literally choose terms like "man trait"?

(Btw, I hope no one finds these questions offensive or inappropriate, because that's not my intetntion!!)

I hope now everything's clear. I'm sorry for the long answer and the bad grammar (I'm not a native English speaker). Have a nice day!

#trans #transgender #Trans Community #trans positivity #anon #answer #radical feminist #radfem #TERF #trans exclusionary radical feminist #Transphobia #Tranpshobic #lesbian #gay #lgbt #LGBTQ+#tumblr question

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fite-club · 2 years

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@a-silver-wind jesus christ your posts are so long.

ok, some TERFs say that "lesbians can't be attracted to men". but TERFs also say "gender is a social construct" and "the patriarchy exists". so are those TERF dog whistles too? and i never said that TERFs are "validating" bi lesbians (which means nothing anyway), i said they were the ones popularizing the term by using it to mean "trans-inclusive lesbianism". look, i hate TERFs. i am trans. i love my trans sisters and try to protect them. PLEASE stop trying to associate me and my opinions with trans exclusionary radical feminism, because i do not under any circumstances tolerate the discrimination of trans women. there is no "exclus to TERF pipeline", there are just as many tucutes and radinclus and other chronically online teen dweebs that horseshoe back around to being TERFs. you're just specifically looking for something that proves your point right now.

"The LGBTQIA2S+ community used to be more inclusive and diverse, then the separatists came along" this is factually untrue. like, source? you're just pulling this out of your ass, it isn't true at all. i mean, "separatists" are always going to exist in every community, it's not like this is an issue that only the LGBT community has. like, only some of the intersex population wants to be automatically included in the LGBT acronyms, many/most don't. the term "bi lesbian" is historical in the same way "transvestite" is-- they were useful at one point, but they aren't used now, because of how we have developed our collective understanding of gender and attraction since then. you're the one using the logic of a reactionary conservative by trying to take steps back in time to the "good old days" before all these mean exclusies dared to question things that don't make sense.

my reasons for disliking the label "bi lesbian" (which is not the same thing as "hating bi lesbians", btw) are consistent. you can't be attracted to men and be a lesbian; just like how i, a gay man, am not attracted to women. the reason you may hear different/"inconsistent" reasons as to why different people also dislike the label, is because we are all different people with different opinions. not a hivemind. "bi lesbian" isn't "another" new identity that i'm rejecting, it's just two identities put together. i'm not trying to kick them out, because they belong, they are bisexual or a lesbian. i'm just challenging the rampant biphobia and lesbophobia that comes out of these pro-BL arguments. i am not "pitting members of the community against each other", i am questioning things that are problematic. because guess what? you can be LGBTQ and still be homo/bi/trans-phobic! i know you believe that, because of your hatred for "exclus", you just think we're the ones being offensive. you know what i think is "pitting people against each other"? picking fights with me by making up shit i don't believe! calling me a far-right conservative facist, because i disagree with you on these niche label opinions! you quite literally are saying "is that what you want? for the community to be destroyed?" as if my fucking answer would be yes!!! THAT IS ARGUING IN BAD FAITH! something you claim to be critical of! you're forcing your opinions, too! you're forcing everyone uncomfortable with the concept of a "bi lesbian" to just get over it already (as if our discomfort is coming from bigotry and disgust, not solidarity)!

i don't give a shit about you "loving diversity" and "hating gatekeepers". i give a shit about "bisexual" and "lesbian" having universally understood meanings. i give a shit about my community being safe from people who will harm it, including from the inside. you keep fighting for the right to call yourself whatever you want, and i can't stop you or anyone from calling themselves a bi lesbian, but i can at least ask why they feel the need to do so. because the answer is probably some form of misunderstanding or internalized bi/homo/trans-phobia!

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hellomynameisbisexual · 3 years

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Here's a shortlist of those who realized that I — a cis woman who'd identified as heterosexual for decades of life — was in fact actually bi, long before I realized it myself recently: my sister, all my friends, my boyfriend, and the TikTok algorithm.

On TikTok, the relationship between user and algorithm is uniquely (even sometimes uncannily) intimate. An app which seemingly contains as many multitudes of life experiences and niche communities as there are people in the world, we all start in the lowest common denominator of TikTok. Straight TikTok (as it's popularly dubbed) initially bombards your For You Page with the silly pet videos and viral teen dances that folks who don't use TikTok like to condescendingly reduce it to.

Quickly, though, TikTok begins reading your soul like some sort of divine digital oracle, prying open layers of your being never before known to your own conscious mind. The more you use it, the more tailored its content becomes to your deepest specificities, to the point where you get stuff that's so relatable that it can feel like a personal attack (in the best way) or (more dangerously) even a harmful trigger from lifelong traumas.

For example: I don't know what dark magic (read: privacy violations) immediately clued TikTok into the fact that I was half-Brazilian, but within days of first using it, Straight TikTok gave way to at first Portuguese-speaking then broader Latin TikTok. Feeling oddly seen (being white-passing and mostly American-raised, my Brazilian identity isn't often validated), I was liberal with the likes, knowing that engagement was the surefire way to go deeper down this identity-affirming corner of the social app.

TikTok made lots of assumptions from there, throwing me right down the boundless, beautiful, and oddest multiplicities of Alt TikTok, a counter to Straight TikTok's milquetoast mainstreamness.

Home to a wide spectrum of marginalized groups, I was giving out likes on my FYP like Oprah, smashing that heart button on every type of video: from TikTokers with disabilities, Black and Indigenous creators, political activists, body-stigma-busting fat women, and every glittering shade of the LGBTQ cornucopia. The faves were genuine, but also a way to support and help offset what I knew about the discriminatory biases in TikTok's algorithm.

My diverse range of likes started to get more specific by the minute, though. I wasn't just on general Black TikTok anymore, but Alt Cottagecore Middle-Class Black Girl TikTok (an actual label one creator gave her page's vibes). Then it was Queer Latina Roller Skating Girl TikTok, Women With Non-Hyperactive ADHD TikTok, and then a double whammy of Women Loving Women (WLW) TikTok alternating between beautiful lesbian couples and baby bisexuals.

Looking back at my history of likes, the transition from queer “ally” to “salivating simp” is almost imperceptible.

There was no one precise "aha" moment. I started getting "put a finger down" challenges that wouldn't reveal what you were putting a finger down for until the end. Then, 9-fingers deep (winkwink), I'd be congratulated for being 100% bisexual. Somewhere along the path of getting served multiple WLW Disney cosplays in a single day and even dom lesbian KinkTok roleplay — or whatever the fuck Bisexual Pirate TikTok is — deductive reasoning kind of spoke for itself.

But I will never forget the one video that was such a heat-seeking missile of a targeted attack that I was moved to finally text it to my group chat of WLW friends with a, "Wait, am I bi?" To which the overwhelming consensus was, "Magic 8 Ball says, 'Highly Likely.'"

Serendipitously posted during Pride Month, the video shows a girl shaking her head at the caption above her head, calling out confused and/or closeted queers who say shit like, "I think everyone is a LITTLE bisexual," to the tune of "Closer" by The Chainsmokers. When the lyrics land on the word "you," she points straight at the screen — at me — her finger and inquisitive look piercing my hopelessly bisexual soul like Cupid's goddamn arrow.

Oh no, the voice inside my head said, I have just been mercilessly perceived.

As someone who had, in fact, done feminist studies at a tiny liberal arts college with a gender gap of about 70 percent women, I'd of course dabbled. I've always been quick to bring up the Kinsey scale, to champion a true spectrum of sexuality, and to even declare (on multiple occasions) that I was, "straight, but would totally fuck that girl!"

Oh no, the voice inside my head returned, I've literally just been using extra words to say I was bi.

After consulting the expertise of my WLW friend group (whose mere existence, in retrospect, also should've clued me in on the flashing neon pink, purple, and blue flag of my raging bisexuality), I ran to my boyfriend to inform him of the "news."

"Yeah, baby, I know. We all know," he said kindly.

"How?!" I demanded.

Well for one, he pointed out, every time we came across a video of a hot girl while scrolling TikTok together, I'd without fail watch the whole way through, often more than once, regardless of content. (Apparently, straight girls do not tend to do this?) For another, I always breathlessly pointed out when we'd pass by a woman I found beautiful, often finding a way to send a compliment her way. ("I'm just a flirt!" I used to rationalize with a hand wave, "Obvs, I'm not actually sexually attracted to them!") Then, I guess, there were the TED Talk-like rants I'd subject him to about the thinly veiled queer relationship in Adventure Time between Princess Bubblegum and Marcelyne the Vampire Queen — which the cowards at Cartoon Network forced creators to keep as subtext!

And, well, when you lay it all out like that...

But my TikTok-fueled bisexual awakening might actually speak less to the omnipotence of the app's algorithm, and more to how heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

Sure, TikTok bombarded me with the thirst traps of my exact type of domineering masc lady queers, who reduced me to a puddle of drool I could no longer deny. But I also recalled a pivotal moment in college when I briefly questioned my heterosexuality, only to have a lesbian friend roll her eyes and chastise me for being one of those straight girls who leads Actual Queer Women on. I figured she must know better. So I never pursued any of my lady crushes in college, which meant I never experimented much sexually, which made me conclude that I couldn't call myself bisexual if I'd never had actual sex with a woman. I also didn't really enjoy lesbian porn much, though the fact that I'd often find myself fixating on the woman during heterosexual porn should've clued me into that probably coming more from how mainstream lesbian porn is designed for straight men.

The ubiquity of heterormativity, even when unwittingly perpetrated by members of the queer community, is such an effective self-sustaining cycle. Aside from being met with queer-gating (something I've since learned bi folks often experience), I had a hard time identifying my attraction to women as genuine attraction, simply because it felt different to how I was attracted to men.

Heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

So much of women's sexuality — of my sexuality — can feel defined by that carnivorous kind of validation you get from men. I met no societal resistance in fully embodying and exploring my desire for men, either (which, to be clear, was and is insatiable slut levels of wanting that peen.) But in retrospect, I wonder how many men I slept with not because I was truly attracted to them, but because I got off on how much they wanted me.

My attraction to women comes with a different texture of eroticism. With women (and bare with a baby bi, here), the attraction feels more shared, more mutual, more tender rather than possessive. It's no less raw or hot or all-consuming, don't get me wrong. But for me at least, it comes more from a place of equality rather than just power play. I love the way women seem to see right through me, to know me, without us really needing to say a word.

I am still, as it turns out, a sexual submissive through-and-through, regardless of what gender my would-be partner is. But, ignorantly and unknowingly, I'd been limiting my concept of who could embody dominant sexual personas to cis men. But when TikTok sent me down that glorious rabbit hole of masc women (who know exactly what they're doing, btw), I realized my attraction was not to men, but a certain type of masculinity. It didn't matter which body or genitalia that presentation came with.

There is something about TikTok that feels particularly suited to these journeys of sexual self-discovery and, in the case of women loving women, I don't think it's just the prescient algorithm. The short-form video format lends itself to lightning bolt-like jolts of soul-bearing nakedness, with the POV camera angles bucking conventions of the male gaze, which entrenches the language of film and TV in heterosexual male desire.

In fairness to me, I'm far from the only one who missed their inner gay for a long time — only to have her pop out like a queer jack-in-the-box throughout a near year-long quarantine that led many of us to join TikTok. There was the baby bi mom, and scores of others who no longer had to publicly perform their heterosexuality during lockdown — only to realize that, hey, maybe I'm not heterosexual at all?

Flooded with video after video affirming my suspicions, reflecting my exact experiences as they happened to others, the change in my sexual identity was so normalized on TikTok that I didn't even feel like I needed to formally "come out." I thought this safe home I'd found to foster my baby bisexuality online would extend into the real world.

But I was in for a rude awakening.

Testing out my bisexuality on other platforms, casually referring to it on Twitter, posting pictures of myself decked out in a rainbow skate outfit (which I bought before realizing I was queer), I received nothing but unquestioning support and validation. Eventually, I realized I should probably let some members of my family know before they learned through one of these posts, though.

Daunted by the idea of trying to tell my Latina Catholic mother and Swiss Army veteran father (who's had a crass running joke about me being a "lesbian" ever since I first declared myself a feminist at age 12), I chose the sibling closest to me. Seeing as how gender studies was one of her majors in college too, I thought it was a shoo-in. I sent an off-handed, joke-y but serious, "btw I'm bi now!" text, believing that's all that would be needed to receive the same nonchalant acceptance I found online.

It was not.

I didn't receive a response for two days. Hurt and panicked by what was potentially my first mild experience of homophobia, I called them out. They responded by insisting we need to have a phone call for such "serious" conversations. As I calmly tried to express my hurt on said call, I was told my text had been enough to make this sibling worry about my mental wellbeing. They said I should be more understanding of why it'd be hard for them to (and I'm paraphrasing) "think you were one way for twenty-eight years" before having to contend with me deciding I was now "something else."

But I wasn't "something else," I tried to explain, voice shaking. I hadn't knowingly been deceiving or hiding this part of me. I'd simply discovered a more appropriate label. But it was like we were speaking different languages. Other family members were more accepting, thankfully. There are many ways I'm exceptionally lucky, my IRL environment as supportive as Baby Bi TikTok. Namely, I'm in a loving relationship with a man who never once mistook any of it as a threat, instead giving me all the space in the world to understand this new facet of my sexuality.

I don't have it all figured out yet. But at least when someone asks if I listen to Girl in Red on social media, I know to answer with a resounding, "Yes," even though I've never listened to a single one of her songs. And for now, that's enough.

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lesbian-choso · 3 years

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I think you completely misunderstand the concept of fetishization. Because 1) fetishization is more than just a wrongly said statement, it's a pattern in behavior. Like, for example, someone dating one Asian person or writing a thirst tweet about some Asian celebrity wouldn’t be fetishization but person dating exclusively Asian people, referring to them as 'exotic', having some romanticized idea of what Asian people are like, etc. could be considered as fetishizing them and 2) lesbians can't fetishise mlm intentionally OR unintentionally . Fetishization often involves personal sexual gratification for the fetishiser and lesbians aren't interested in men of any kind, much less their sex lives.

Please learn more about fetishization and what it actually is before you make posts concerning it. This isn't meant to be an attack in any way, btw.

Okay so let’s unpack this

(1) I never said it was a “wrongly said statement”, I know it’s a pattern of behaviour as I’ve frequently been on the receiving end of people that fetishise biracial people. Dw I get it, it’s a whole ass gross mess.

(2) yes lesbians can in fact fetishise mlm. And also ace people as well. Fetishisation isn’t exclusively about wanting to have sex with the person being fetishised. If I’m taking me for example, going back to my example of biracial fetishisation, it’s not the fact that people want to have sex with biracial people, that may be true in some cases but not all. It also can be the fact that they are obsessed with them and want to either be biracial themselves since they think it’s eXotiC or whatever or have biracial children of their own. So not necessarily wanting to have sex with them is the default. Fetishisation is about irrational obsession.

Similarly, in the case of mlm fetishisation, it isn’t just exclusively people wanting to have sex with them. Quite frankly, you can see it with how some ppl are like (apologies for the incoming cringe) oMg lOok aT my gAyBies tHey’re sO Uwu Cute SoFt toGeTher ciNnamoN roLLs teeHee.... 🤮 so it’s not necessarily sexual attraction, it’s obsession because they’ve cultivated in their minds a warped idea of what a mlm couple looks like. There are varying reasons why an individual grows an obsession for someone and it doesn’t always necessarily have to be because they want to fuck them.

You can go ahead and say that lesbians or ace people can’t fetishise mlm no matter what, but that doesn’t change the fact that you can find plenty of examples of lesbians and ace people acting in the same way any other mlm fetishiser would towards mlm. It’s idiotic to think they can tick all the boxes for acting like a mlm fetishiser, but just because they’re not wanting to have sex with them it cannot be fetishisation. Make it make sense. So call it whatever you want, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve seen it happen plenty, and I’m sure I’m not imagining it. You see it in the way how some mlm couples are drawn, written, etc. One always super uwu feminine and submission and one very Buff™️ masculine and dominant. To me, this sounds a whole lot like trying to reimagine stereotypical straight relationships through mlm couples but that’s a lot to unpack and I’m sure there’s some psychological stuff that goes into play with that. And also, almost always exclusively the mlm is white, but that’s a discussion for another time.

Overall, it’s not the idea that all fetishisers are sexually attracted to mlm, they may also just be obsessed with the idea of them. They like the dynamic they’ve created in their mind. I’m sure there’s more to it psychologically than just sex. Regardless, it’s fucking gross, I’m sure we can all agree. But anyways, back to my main point. Fetishisation isn’t necessarily linked to wanting to have sex with x group that is being obsessed over. Which is why it’s possible to see in some instances of where mlm have been fetishised by lesbians or even ace people.

Anyways, that’s all I’m gonna say on this matter because I’m tired. If you don’t agree, there’s nothing I can do about that. I just don’t like fetishisers and I hope they all have a shitty day. Thanks for the ask, I guess? ahsdjkdkdka

#anyways that’s the end of this conversation for the time being

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janiedean · 4 years

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Isn't it funny how the whole "stop caring about those evuhl men in wigs and start caring for real wombyn problems more!"-crap comes from those who don't really care for women once they disagree with them. If they really did care for women, they'd not force them to "choose" the pseudo-freedom of having to agree with them. Being freed from one oppressor but then only having one option isn't what being liberated is.

^^^^^

no but like... the thing is: never mind the whole transexclusionary bullshit, these people are a menace for any kind of woman they don’t agree with anyway and are also in themselves exclusionary in general *and* actually perpetuating more patriarchal ideas than they think because sorry but:

the fixation they have on genitals defining you for them is basically penises = anathema vaginas = empowerment, but like.... wow as if societal sexism wasn’t based on the contrary presumption, so you’re basically saying that whatever’s between your legs determines your social status, which...... is exactly what patriarchal societies do so what the hell are we even discussing here

the fact that with the whole vagina = empowerment narrative they have going on they also move ahead the whole ‘having children is a fundamental part of your womanhood™’ which is meant to a) exclude trans women b) saying surrogacy should be illegal means that basically they’re not only discussing the basic principle of bodily autonomy (ie: surrogacy can be a goddamned choice and a woman should be able to do whatever the fuck she wants with her body that included so maybe work in order to legalize/normalize it so no one is forced to) but basically says that no one who can’t have children biologically or won’t have them is Not A True Woman, which excludes any sterile cis woman and any cis woman who doesn’t have children from Being A Proper Woman, which is fucking ridiculous, but like... who the fuck only sees women as good for having children/said that a woman’s #1 role in society has to be having children? wow, patriarchal societies :))))))

(btw: last time I was at a feminist march and a terf organization ended up giving me a flyer with the above bullshit printed on I went up and left and never attended that one march again because I don’t want to share space with anyone who thinks women who say that shit care about women’s rights period so like... sorry I don’t want to share spaces with terfs ever, bye)

this whole obsession with penis = anathema brings to political lesbianism ie faking being attracted to women while pushing the narrative that being attracted to men is bad/brainwashing which means invalidating the sexualities of any single category who’s into men which wow includes people who aren’t straight women (see the amazing ‘bi women into men are dirty with male residual’ takes) *and* at the same time pushes the idea that women’s sexuality has to be what they say it is which lmao

meaning that since most of these idiots aren’t actually attracted to women but fake it they most likely don’t have sex where they’re proactive but at the same time they keep on bitching about how kink and bdsm and so on are misogynist in nature because if it’s a straight relationship either the guy is abusing you or fetishizing you depending on your role and if it’s not then it’s wanting to relieve those roles and if there are dicks involved SHAME SHAME SHAME so like... who has always been on the forefront wanting to dictate what women should or shouldn’t enjoy in bed? ah right, patriarchal societies and various religions/religious cults that preach women’s submission and say that you shouldn’t have sex outside having children/masturbation is bad™/sex is bad™/kink is bad™, so excuse me if this shit isn’t imvho feminist since policing what women want or don’t want in bed is inherently misogynist

this also shows they have a rather phallocentric idea of sex since it’s all about dicks dicks and dicks...... ah, wait, same as your regular misogynist dude who thinks that he doesn’t owe you an orgasm when you fuck but okay then :)

never mind this idea that women are inherently superior to men which automatically brushes under the rug the fact that women can be abusive to everyone either other women or men, that internalized misogyny exists and all the crap that it entails and excludes criticism of what women have to say on account of just being woman, which is ridiculus bc if another woman is sprouting bullshit maybe I should be able to point it out

also again... yesterday I disagreed with them about the trans women issue? I got hours of rape threats and death threats, which is exactly what I’d have expected out of the worst kind of redpiller incel, so where’s the difference? ah right the redpiller doesn’t pretend to care about human rights

also their crusade against FINDING OUT WHERE ARE THE INFAMOUS TRANS WOMEN actually hurts gnc cis women lmao because they go look at ‘BUT DO YOU LOOK SUPPOSEDLY MANLY OR NOT THAT MEANS YOU’RE NOT A TRUE WOMAN’ with all the peace of gnc cis women who happen to be tall/with muscles/whatever and the peace of some of us with pcos and extra testosterone who most likely would not be women enough because of having too much body hair or whatever else *shrug* like.... sorry but that also means that to them womanhood = also presenting in a very specific certain way according to beauty standards/societal attractiveness standards which automatically excludes every single woman that doesn’t perform femininity according to those standards, so again, fuck them because it means you don’t care about women, you supposedly care about a very small number of cishet abled standard attractive non-kinky most likely rich women who agree with your worldview only and if that’s feminism miss me with that bullshit

and like... this isn’t probably 20% of the worst of terf ideology but tldr: those people are exactly as misogynist as the patriarchy they’re supposedly fighting and I don’t see why I should gaf about a group that pretends to care about all women and then actually doesn’t and as you said perpetrates the exact same rhetoric and societal bullshit that sexist/misogynist societies do. *shrug*

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #anti-terf #i can't even #yesterday's mess was Something #janie rants #misogyny cw #fuck theeeem #Anonymous #ask post

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