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dictionarywrites · 6 years

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mmm this batjokes au huh

mmm, okay, so bear with me here but

bruce wayne sees one last catastrophe, and it’s a big one. a big train crash, or a whole apartment block goes down, and like everything, like everything, it can be traced down to citywide corruption.

not to one of the super villains. not to one of the criminals. just to a group of politicians and businessmen cutting corners and looking after each other, and as batman, bruce hears these guys going through this shit... and he’s had enough.

he calls a group of villains together with some kinda bat signal. poison ivy. the joker and harley. two face. penguin. riddler. freeze. they all come out to this deserted fucking warehouse, and there, sitting on a desk with his legs swinging down, is bruce wayne. big dude, handsome, cleft chin. nice suit.

“you know,” he says quietly, running a hand through perfectly coiffed hair. “i’ve just about had it with gotham. i’m done with it, actually. i’m finished here.”

and all the villains are like, what the fuck. where’s batman??? what the-- bruce wayne? what?

“is that so, sweetheart?” joker says, and he’s immediately stepping forward, dragging his hand over bruce’s cheek because damn, he’s not ever gonna miss a chance to touch a guy like this. “Where ya gonna go?”

“no, no, joker, you misunderstand me,” bruce says, and he gently pushes joker’s hand down. joker turns a look to penguin and riddler like “get a load of this guy!” and they’re just like, we hate you joker, but you have a point. “I’m not going anywhere. gotham’s the one that’s changing. not me.”

“What do you mean?” Ivy asks, slowly.

and bruce explains. politicians? they’ve all gotta go. mayor’s office? out. most of the corp offices? gone. big wall goes up around gotham - big wall. a few hundred feet high, nobody comes in, nobody goes out. we stock up, and we fix things. fix what? fix everything.

just imagine bruce wayne setting up a fucking monarchy, and making all these fucking villains his generals. like... if they have enough money and they have actually nice places to live, if they’ve got stuff to do, most of them don’t actually give a fuck about villainy.

very strict, stringent import/export thing, but suddenly gotham is exporting shit the likes of which the rest of the world kinda desperately wants, so they go with it. they have to. gotham and the surrounding state area... it’s its own thing now, and it’s not worth fighting with.

with ivy, the whole thing can be a biocity. no more dim, dank, dismal gotham! no more fumes - everything’s eco friendly now. flowers bloom on every street. the fucking skyscrapers are insulated with grass and thick-growing vine. penguin runs fuckin entertainment venues. harvey’s justice attorney again, and justice is strict, but with no capital punishment. riddler runs the power grids, and runs city-wide entertainment schemes - fucking wildass scavenger hunts, citizens rewards for figuring out riddles, the kinda shit that goes wild on social media. freeze takes over the running of gotham general, and suddenly the hospital actually has funds??? money??? harley takes over arkham asylum, and makes it...... actually a good fucking hospital.

and there’s joker. standing in the middle of the warehouse, his hands in his pockets, his head tilted slightly to the side. all the villains are standing in varying states of “what the fuck”, staring at this rich kid that’s obviously cracked like a fucking egg, but joker... joker’s intrigued.

“Well, you called me here too, Brucey,” he says, laughing. “Whaddya-- You think I want in on your cute lil utopia? What do I get outta this? No more fun! No more chaos!”

“Well, Joker, I’d have thought that was obvious,” Bruce says simply. “I’m not the one that called you here. They all get purpose - they get funding, jobs, responsibilities, lives. You don’t get any of that.”

“What do I get, then? Nice big rocket launcher? Nice new car? A boy t--”

“Joker,” Bruce says. “You get Batman.” And it’s like the whole word narrows to a point. Joker, standing in the middle of the room, staring into space.

They’re all in.

#batjokes #dc #MMMM THIS WOULD #take a lot of finagling to actually do #esp bc bruce would have to REALLY be pushed #and all the kids would have to be elsewhere at least initially #maybe them and alfred are on holiday in aruba for like a month idl #or they'd talk bruce out of this CRAZY SHIT #but #idk #i kinda like the idea

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lego-batjokes-prompts · 7 years

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High School AU Ideas #3

-Once, Joker and his gang were committing a crime and Bruce walks by out of costume. He sees whats happening and Joker expects him to run screaming or walk up and give a long winded speech about how what they were doing was wrong.

-Instead, Bruce just stops, glances, and keeps walking like the situation is boring him. Joker couldn’t deny the clench in his chest at the icy treatment and cool stare and thought he may be developing a little crush on good boy Brucey as well as Batman.

-In reality, Bruce just went to suit up and Joker completely forgot about his exchange with Bruce until the next time Joker saw him and felt the need to avoid eye contact.

-Now, whenever Joker commits school-wide crimes, he purposefully tries to keep Bruce’s stuff intact. It’s ironic because Bruce is probably the only student in the school that can easily replace anything but Joker just can’t seem to do it anymore.

(Feel free to submit your own headcanons about this AU :3)

{#1 (Part 1), #1 (Part 2), #2, #3, #4, #5, #6}

#lego batjokes prompts #high School AU #high school #AU #Lego batjokes #batjokes #prompt #writing prompt #the lego batman movie #tlbm #Lego joker #Lego batman #Lego bruce wayne

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moosetrackart-old · 7 years

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For Good Old Times' Sake

A Batman fanfiction. I haven’t written one in an eon, so here.

I learnt that BatJokes is a canon ship through The Lego Batman Movie, and it made me fangirl really hard.

Btw, they’re not Lego people in this. Also, in this AU, Joker’s makeup can be removed.

Fluffy aF

———————————————–

Joker sat in Arkham, feeling kind of down; his Batman, as he calls him, hadn’t come around to check in with him lately. He sighed and leant against the wall, a frown on his face.

“Oh Batman, my Batman, why don’t you come around? I thought that you hated me enough to keep me down… Oh Batman, my Batman, it’s never enough. Why don’t you come to check on my stuff?” the clownish man sing quietly to himself. “My Batman, my Batman, why don’t you come to check on me? My Batman, MY Batman, you’re the best to be seen…” He drifted off and sighed again, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Hello Joker,” the vigilante hummed as he walked up to the thick glass that the Joker was held behind. “What are you singing about me?”

“I was just wondering by singing where you’ve been and why you haven’t come to see me in a while. Nothing too vulgar,” J said with a laugh. “Anyways, when are you gonna let me out of here again? Aren’t we supposed to be playing cat and mouse?”

“I suppose we would be, but now that I’ve finally got you behind glass, I don’t need to ‘play’ with you anymore.” Batman turned around briefly to think before turning back around. “Say, what if I DID let you out? What would you do?”

“I-I don’t know,” the villain stuttered, messing with his hair to make it look good to him. “I guess I’d just make my way into the city to have you find me. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”

A pause.

“How about we make a deal?” Bruce in disguise pondered aloud.

“I’m listening~” the Joker purred curiously.

“You don’t use weapons or try to destroy the city, and you won’t hurt anyone, and I won’t use weapons to find and stop you? That sounds safer and less destructive, if you ask me.”

“Oh, sure! Just punch in that code and give me an hour’s start, and then we can play our fun game of hide and seek, eh?” Joker’s eyes lit up, and he got an even wider smile on his face. “It’ll be so much fun!”

“Of course.” So, the Bat opened up the glass door and let the Joker go free. “Good luck. Your time starts now.”

“Got it!” And the humorous, murderous, comedic villain skipped down the stairs and made his way into the city, hiding in the darkest of places after changing into a black suit to blend in.

“One hour, he said. That’s a good amount of time to give him to hide.”

–

An hour passed, so Batman started making his way after his target. He searched far and wide, and finally found him hiding against a wall, wearing the suit that was previously described.

“Ah, I see you’ve discovered me. Now it’s time to catch me!” Before J could run, Batman had him by the collar of his outfit. “O-oh, I-I guess that was easier that I thought it would be…”

“You got yourself cornered. That’s your own fault,” B purred, bringing the villain closer to him. The nose of his cowl gently nudged Joker’s own nose, soon aiding the vigilante in pressing their mouths together.

“B-Batsy, wh-what are you d-doing?” Joker mumbled underneath Batman’s lips.

“Shh, shh, trust me.” The taller man separated their lips and pressed their open mouths together, slipping his tongue in his villain’s mouth. “You’re my villain. I hate you so much.”

“Aw, I hate you too~” J cooed, moving his arms around the back of Bruce’s neck. He threaded his fingers through his kisser’s hair and pulled lightly. “I hate you so much~”

“I hate you the most,” Batman said sweetly, moving his kiss to Joker’s neck. “Come with me.” He led the boy™ to his mansion.

–

“Hello, Bat-Batmaaaaaaaaaaa……” Alfred’s mouth fell open when he saw the Joker in the Batcave. “What in heavens’ name is he doing here?”

“Oh, we just need to clean him up a bit. I’m thinking a bit of bleach for his hair and removal of all the makeup, minus red lipstick, because that’s hot,” Batman purred, laughing quietly at Joker’s small noises of protest.

“U-um, sir, I don’t think that this is a good idea. I mean, he is a maniac, for crying out loud!” the butler protested.

“Just trust me. Get a couple gallons of bleach and some makeup removal stuff and we can reform this dapper young man.”

“Alright, sir.” Alfred left the room and returned with the desired materials.

–

“Joker, please sit down in this chair,” Alfred said, motioning to a nice chair.

“Alright then.” So, J sat. He hissed when the bleach was painted into his hair, as his roots had to be saturated in order to be completely blonde. Next, his makeup was washed off, revealing a very pale man. “Man, I really need to get out more,” he pondered aloud as he looked at his face in the mirror.

“Yes, you do. You need to not wear so much makeup all the time, despite your villainy attire,” the butler replied, brushing Joker’s hair. He noted how few knots there were. “Do you brush it every day?”

“Well, I always keep a brush in my pocket…” A small smile covered the vanilla villain’s face. “I like to look good when I’m playing- I mean, fighting with Batman.”

“That is a very good idea, since Batman is very picky when it comes to looks.”

It was weird, Joker thought; Alfred, the loyal father father figure (and also butler) to Batman/Bruce was praising one of his son’s greatest enemies. He let it happen, though, because it felt good to hear praises from someone who isn’t one of his goons.

The two shared kind banter as Alfred spruced up the man, putting lipstick and blush onto him and making sure his hair looked good. “You look amazing. It’s like you’re a whole new person!”

“Thank you, Alfred! I’m sure my Batman will love it.”

“Your Batman?”

“He’s mine. We hate each other so much, and it makes me tingle good on the inside~”

“How come 'hate’ is your word for love?”

“He doesn’t really say that word, so hate is what we use. It makes me feel so good that he’s using that word, since it’s our codeword for love~ Ahh~” Joker sighed with happiness, clasping his hands together. “Say, how come you don’t… Hm… Hold on. One sec. Let me look for words… Who is Batman, and why don’t you refer to him as his regular name?”

“I refer to him as Batman while he is in costume because I don’t want to say his real name aloud. His identity, I do not want to reveal.”

“Alright. Well, can I make a guess as to who he is? Please?”

“I do not see why not.”

“You have to tell the truth whether or not it’s him, okay?”

“Alright…”

“Is he Bruce Wayne in disguise?”

Alfred stuttered and nodded his head, covering his mouth.

“I knew it! That’s why the manor is on top! Speaking of the manor, may I see what it looks like on the inside? I made a promise that I wouldn’t destroy anything.”

“Yes. Yes. Of course.” The butler was still in shock as he led the Joker upstairs and into the manor.

–

“…And finally, this is the dining room table, complete with gold-coloured cups and gold-coloured fringes on the tablecloth edges. It was one of my favourite places in the manor to decorate.”

“I do agree that it is very nice! Thank you for giving me a tour!” Joker was very excited as he spoke to Alfred. “Do you know where Brucey went?”

“Probably to his room. He might be waiting for you there. It’s the first room to the left when you go down that hall.”

“Thank you, Alphy~!” Joker cheered as he practically ran to the Bat’s personal bedroom.

–

“Oh Batman, my Batman? Are you in here?” J wondered, looking around the manor owner’s room. “I want to speak to you, dear! See, I made it rhyme, just for you~” A smile crossed his face when he spotted the caped crusader looking in the mirror.

“Lay on my bed,” was the simple, gentle command. “Please.”

“Okay~!” Gently, but excitedly, the villain laid onto his loved one’s bed. “Whats your plan, Brucey?”

“Oh shoot… You found me out.” Bruce laughed as he removed his cowl. He turned around and smiled. “How’d you know?”

“I mean, if Wayne Manor™ is above The Batcave™, obviously you’d have to be the owner of both. I won’t get into the details as to how you gained the house’s will, but yeah…” Joker smiled and patted the place next to him. “Please, join me, baby.”

Bruce laughed again as he removed his costume, getting dressed in a suit before his lover’s eyes. “Bam. Cloooothes~” He slid next to J and pressed a kiss to his freshly makeup-removed forehead. “You taste a whole lot better now.” He smiled and ran his hands through the other man’s hair, feeling how silly smooth it was.

“Mmm… Bruce, you are handsome as hell~” Joker nuzzled beneath Bruce’s head, purring quietly as he got comfortable.

There was a pause.

“Joker, what’s your real name?”

“Um….” J didn’t answer for another thirty seconds. “I… It was… Jack.” A frown crossed his face. “Jack…” Tears welled in his eyes as he gripped on Bruce’s suit.

“H-hey, it’s okay! Shh, shh, J, it’s okay. I’m right here.”

What Jack didn’t know was that his lover had kept on his cape, which Bruce now wrapped around the two of them in an act of love. He wants to protect and care for him. He loves him.

“Bruce, I… I love you.” Hate was a hurtful word, which the vanilla villain realised right then.

“I…” Bruce mouthed 'love you too’, and Jack hummed happily, kissing his lover gently.

“You’re awesome… You’re buff… You’re gentle, but strong… You’re… You’re comfortable…” J closed his eyes and curled up in Bruce’s cape with his lover beside him.

“You’re so cute. And nimble. And perfect. And I really l-love you for your personality and- and you’re more exciting than I am…” B nuzzled J gently and petted his head to help the two of them to sleep.

I guess that makes for an okay ending? I’ll write another one another time. For now, here you go!

#my writing #fanfiction #BatJokes #Batman #I am in love with this ship

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itsbrucey · 2 months

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Was thinking more about my monster au and if it would have substance or just be " the dads are monsters" and I realized it would be funny if they were monsters from the forgotten realms and got sucked into the normal world to find their sons. Their sons haven't fully hit " monster puberty" or some dumb shit yet so they blend in easier and the dads have to find them in mundane and safe places where they stick out.

Also it would be funny to find out that Henry wasn't always a Harpy but got adopted by harpies as a baby and he kinda. Got magicked into one. Even funnier if Jodie is a demon upon showing up but finds out he's human and has a magical girl transformation to be normal,,,

Also I'm still not over Selkie Ron like Lark cooked so hard with that. My little seal fella,,,, he winds up in an aquarium and had to pretend to be so incredibly normal but ends up stealing a herring bucket.

DIGS NAILS INTO ARMREST. Also Werewolf Darryl transforming by accident bc of emotion..... Naga Glenn trying to hide with dresses and coats ( it does NOT work).

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #brucey liiiikes monsterz #Sei's Naga Glenn is the canon one in my au like its a peak design. my friends COOK SO HARD ITS FUCKING CRAZY #Finally. ABO Darryl Wilson. waves at Travis.#TEEN MONSTERS MAYHAPS?#Ok and im thinking. the kids?#Grant. werewolf ofc. Terry Vampire OFC. Nick is a naga turned snake demon ( maybe chimera......) and Lark and Sparrow. Harpiessssss #Paeden. normal boy who gets possessed by a ghost maaaaaybe....#Glenn and Darryl tongue kiss incident but Darryl starts transforming bc hes flustered AND SEND #SAME WITH HENRY EHEHEHEHEHHHHHEEHEHE #Ron and Darryl can be kinda normal looking and thats comedy when they are way too obvious about it #“ we... aren't! monsters. officer!!! we're humans and we love the law” and Darryl is growing fur and Ron is tucked into his seal skin #bruceys au stuff

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itsbrucey · 2 months

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Selkie Ron in my brain again but that makes me think of KELPIE WILLY. LIKE. GUYS SEE THE VISION!

#Willy Stampler trying to drown that boy like a scottish horse river spirit #i imagine he did it by taking Ron's seal skin so that way he'd drown as a human but alas. poor fool got Fish Lured #thinking about the way Lark kept saying “ his little TEETH” like yeah....i am thinking of Ron with little seal chompers......i am 🧡#Goofy Ron smile and he's got small dagger teeth. hes a fish eating monster someone STOP HIM!!#Alternatively. also Naga Glenn with big ol' fang....Darryl tusks.....ahehehehahheheheehhe wowoooooow im so.....normal abou tthag #HENRY WITH A TOOTHED BIRD TONGUE. WOULD THAT BE FUCKED UP OR WHAT! /POS #bruceys au stuff

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itsbrucey · 3 months

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Also idk what au I'm even crafting at this point but they own where the Dads are monsters. And Henry is a Harpy. I have a Harpy hierarchy/species guide I was making for my own use/OCS that helps categorize harpies based on like.....their heritage??

It's 3 tiers and it's Matriarch Harpies, Mother's Blood Harpies, and Mother's Tears Harpies. They're all based on certain depictions of harpies in media/myths, with Matriarch being the least human and Tears being the most human.

My OC Vali is a Matriarch harpy, and they're based on ancient green myths/"classic" harpies which tend to just be large bird months with a human's face and head. Mother's Blood Harpies are more human but still pretty large and birdlike, having human torsos and heads but still majorly Bird. Mother's Tears Harpies are like the modern day Harpy, with wings for arms and feathers/bird feet, but human torsos, legs, and heads, and they tend to be the smallest/most human sized.

Maybe I'll make a diagram someday but it's IRRELEVANT bc it's just A CONCEPT I MADE FOR OC NONSENSE. the point is I'm using is for Henry as a Harpy and I think he'd be a Blood or Tears Harpy because it mimicks his elf heritage. I think he'd be a Tears Harpy while Bearry would be Blood Harpy for the sake of it?

#rambling. do forgive me.#Brucey clutching her harpy and slime species to her chesy tightly. visibly shaking. please let me talk about oc stuff please please please #trying to pretend im normal about monsters. im not.#Also its a Matriarch/woman based hierarchy bc for my OC stuff. harpies are primarily female/ have matriarchal cultures #There are still male harpies though. less male martriarch harpies but more Blood and Tears because of harpies having kids with humanoids #ANYWAY. THIS IS ALL TO SAY!!!!!! Henry would have a mostly human body but he's still pretty feathery. bird guy hes a bird #and i was debating to base him on an bird is particular......i was think a Heron tbh bc hes so Heron coded to me #other possible birds. Wood Grouse. Pheasant. Ruffed Grouse. or just straight up A Chicken. MOURNING DOVE HENRY? ANYONE?#bruceys au stuff

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itsbrucey · 1 month

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S2 for the Monster au would be harder. Considering dealing multiple realms and the doodler but if I had to assign monsters for the teens off the top of my head. Scary-Banshee, Normal-Half Harpy Half-Mimic?, Lincoln is hard to pin down but maybeeeeeee like. a Frankenstein esc. creature?? Or a water spirit bc if the Titanic, and Taylor being a demon but he's half human in the other way ( maybe a little bit of scales from Glenn tossed in for the flavor) OR MAYHAPS...IMP DRAGON THING????????

#bruceys au stuff #Normal being a mimic from Rebecca and he hides using the Teenie the Teen costume. and hes still bird from Sparrow. does that makes sense.#Cassandra dragon monster thingie?????????????????#i think Marco would also be a vampire ( Grant has a thing for vampires I SEE YOU)#drop your opinions in the comment box below. dont forget to like and subscribe and hit that bell #SCARY BEING A DEATH OMEN. LISTEN TO ME.#Instead of screaming.... she uses poetry....and music........LIIIIISTEN TO MEEEEE

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itsbrucey · 1 month

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Monster au time bc I just wanna prattle.

I think Paeden being Frank would be roughly the same, but instead it's Willy and Barry basically bonding his soul with Paeden's ( a real actual 8 year old boy) so Paeden is essentially possessed and has weird quirks where he gets glimpses of memory + randomly acts really old/werewolf like ( bc I think Frank would be a werewolf too OFCCCC OKAAAAY)

The dads have a similar interaction as they did in episode 1, where they arrive in the world and are freaked out but trying to get their bearings. My idea was that Glenn comes across a hiker and is like " oh, hey human, what's u-" but they start SCREAMING and trying to get away bc.....big weird snake men aren't normal. So Glenn basically brings back a random person to the dads like " guys something is up. This isn't normal." Alternatively, maybe they run into hunters/a group of hikers that they have to fend off without hurting? Thinking thinking.

Also i think Henry realizing he was originally human ( or half-human?) would be the same big thing where he gets sucked into the forgotten realms and bird-ified but I wonder if it was bc Barry was a cult leader of sorts, but was trying to find a way to harness the magic of his bloodline? Doing magic experiments to transform people,,, something to do with enlightenment? Also need to think about it.

Glenn being half siren from Bill. I like that idea. Also kinda speaks to how Glenn isn't quite the rockstar his dad is.

I think it would be funny if a magic equivalent to fortnite ( probably called 4 Knights so the silly) existed in the forgotten realms so they have to rescue Grant from an actual esports tournament where he's CRUSHING it.

Would it be more funny if the Library was just a very unsettling guy who works at a library or THEE library from S1 and he just clawed his way into the world. Maybe the first option so we can have the Likely family also be a normal but unsettling humans who punk the dads.

Doug the Intern stays exactly the same. I cannot stress this enough. Maybe he's conjured or held hostage or something but he's literally EXACTLY the same.

#bruceys au stuff #they find Paeden in an orphan fighting ring and his eye of the tiger is his eyes folling back in his head and getting Frank's werewolf eyes #does that makes sense? i think it does. listen just walk with me #woulr Grant's chimera..... be having to kill a human this time around?? oaughhghhhhhh.....ouahhhh...... angst time #Terry Jr trying to blend in with humans but burning in the sun AAUAGHHHHHHHBOWNOS OW OW angst time #I think the twins would find a way to make a forest cult.#Nick joining the bandits but its just two rival teenager groups who fight in the woods and play capture the flag #dndads #ill tag it bc im pathetic and want attention

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