#brain go haha gender isn’t real so just go through feeling like all of it and none of it at the same time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stickynotestoletters · 3 years

Text

Yandere BNHA Boys pt 2

Okay, this is a continuation of the first yandere ones I did because I wrote that in basically a night and was too tired to do more, I'm probably gonna post some after for the pro heroes and villains if I have time, I might finish those on the weekend then post it.

This is just a bunch of headcanons I have about the boys in BNHA and what they’d be like as yanderes. Only the really fluffy or good things about them listed here. Neither of these works are a good depictions of a real yandere and make sure to be careful to identify yandere traits in real people around you. It’s a very dangerous world and stay safe!

sorry if you were waiting for me to come out with these and I literally took forever lol, link to the first one is here. It's basically just me comforting myself with the sweet things that I think they would do as yanderes.

Warnings: Brainwashing, blood, gore, death, trans headcanons, body dysmorphia, nonbinary they/he Sero, they/them pronouns + nonbinary headcanons for Tokoyami, he/they nonbinary headcanons with Shinsou, a little NSFW because if I don't specify then they are aged up (around 20-25 is where I imagine the timeline that they actually captured you and have a hero carrier going for them already), manipulation, regular yandere things, kinda just turns into dumbass horknee headcanons at some point after Shinsou (sorry lmfao), objectification

Sero Hanata

so basically the first time they saw you they immediately wanted to come up to you

they love to give you back hugs because once you stop trying to fight them he's gonna be so honored you finally trust him

Big time slut [non-derogetory] for you

Likes to have an apartment that's high up, probably a secured penthouse with lots of windows

If you're afraid of heights they will get a ground bed for you two, they would also vibe with a low hanging hammock if you allow it

they really really like just putting you on a custom made leash, not inherently in a sexual way just in general likes to have it look like that with their tape on you at all times

they really really like it when you come to them for hugs and comfort

If you're a trans reader, if you want a binder he will get you one as soon as you ask, cried when you told him about it.

they cried way more than you though...

Was very accepting as an nb person as well

they custom made you a tape binder of his

Kinda as a joke but high key felt like they were gonna combust at the thought of you wearing that for them

Takes you to pride but you cannot speak

only takes you to pride after they are 1000% sure that you're not gonna speak to anyone but them

Takes you to it as a part of their float because they'd been invited onto the Hero Float

You are in a costume that's exactly like his, helmet and everything, you aren't allowed to be looked at

After that though, it's gonna be your choice to go or not to go

they trust you a little more after you run away from some assholes though and after that sometimes lets you take your helmet off during pride, you have to give them a lot of kisses though

When/if you ever consider any type of surgery he is 110% on board

they demand that you have to have it performed by someone who has done this a million times before, trusts no one else

If there's a way for you to go through it without the surgery they're excited but he's more excited if there is surgery because they love the idea of you being so cuddly and clinging to them for their comfort

Tokoyami Fumikage

haha they're in love with you

like, intensely in love with you the moment they first meet you

Dark shadow thinks you're adorable but says nothing more about their obsession with you

when you met them before UA they absolutely cannot handle being around you in a 10-foot radius

Eventually, though they do try and become a friend of yours

After that, it's a hop on the manipulation train, my dude

they basically make you see them as your savior from a mean uncaring world

they love talking to you about things that make you happy and loving you in little ways

hugs, hand holding, a lot of time it's just a little peck (haha) on the cheek

they love living with you though, like really love it

they like baking and making dinner for you

but especially baking

like really, baking

the manipulation they use makes it seem like everything is okay when you only talk to them so that's what you do and to you, it seems so much better than anything you could do

they haven't come out to you by the time you come out to them so your trans journey really helps them figure things like that out as well

The first time you explain that gender is a made-up construct they're like "yeah......isn't that how everyone feels? Like, not a gender????" we love this for them

you both kind of heal each other through this process

they like seeing you when you're most comfortable so they get you as many binders as you need

also gets you a custom binder like Sero but with feather designs, not like stupid printable patterns but something that is soft and the softness isn't feathers it's regular fluffy cloth

idk I'm not a designer that's why I gave up and became a writer lmao

they also get you a compression corset because they're emo

if there is surgery it takes a lot of time to convince them

they don't ever want you to regret anything they helped you with so it takes a lot of long-winded conversations about it

there was a lot of nervousness on their part because (this is just my headcanon) they were almost convinced to get surgery to construct their face to look human-like

they had a lot of their family tell them that, because of the way they looked, they had less of a chance to become a hero, they were immensely traumatized by this and thus wants to make absolutely sure you were okay with this

but when they finally find themself comforted by you about it it happens quickly and in the safest way you could possibly imagine

Shinso Hitoshi

Shinsou didn't want to approach you at all, he was so scared you'd run away or tell him he's a villain

they always thought that they weren't good enough for you

he loved you but you needed to say hi first

and you did

so he whisked you away

they like to just brainwash you into tasting certain types of food when you're craving them instead of just getting you food

he likes to talk to you in a voice like he would talk to a kitten, not like husky or anything sexy, but something cute and adorable

especially when you're brainwashed and can't say anything to him

He likes to give you lots of soft stuff like I'm talking pillows upon pillows and squishmallows

once he gets his own house they get it in a place that's more comforting in the dark than in the light

they really like the dark and outdoorsy vibe anyway so if they choose a place somewhere in the forest to keep you what's the added bonus if no one can hear you scream?

a little bit of spice; he has this whole a/b/o fantasy (idk it's his vibes that he'd read that fanfic and stuff lmao) and kinda treats you like you were an omega

sometimes if you guys do have sex they'll brainwash you to act like an omega or once he's more experienced with bodily manipulation involving their quirk they'll make you do all of the......omega things

when you come out to them, if you're trans, they're definitely gonna not care

like if you need comfort and stuff about it they will not make a big deal about it

he legit is like "okay .....can I still fuck you or?????"

HE JUST GIVES OFF REALLY HORKNEE VIBES OKAY?????

definitely brainwashes you into not feeling dysphoric anymore though

like loves it when you come up all sad to him and uncomfy just to ask them to brainwash you

he melts over you cuddling them after those times though

if you want surgery they're gonna make sure that it's between him and the doctors that y'all are there

like no one knows you're there, completely off radius, in and out like nothing (he's basically a cryptid in the woods by the time you guys have the surgery, so they wanna make sure no one questions it)

Monoma Neito

bold of you to assume that man can express literally anything when he wants to just sit you on his lap and look at your pretty face

love at first sight taken literally but not in a shallow way

he loves just having you around him

kinda treats you as an accessory at times, talks like you're a purse or something and people don't really comment but it's really freaking them out sometimes when you don't speak up on it

likes to say he's the only one to understand you cause he's afraid you'd leave him

a hardcore fan of collars though

definitely has lots of jewelry that represents him even though you don't go out he still loves the idea of it

big time cook

loves providing for you, never lets you do a damn thing other than watching pre-approved cartoons and hobbies

absolute fucking disaster about hugging you

always has to be touching you

he thinks you're so fucking gorgeous and body worships you even out of the bedroom

if you're trans he will definitely be weird about it at first

he's just diet transphobic

he's not denying it but sometimes he's like "Are you sure???" and stuff

he clears this up with the help of you being pissed enough to not eat or talk to him until he apologizes

he then educates himself on it and comes to the conclusion that he was in fact being an asshole

talks to you about binders and stuff like that

doesn't really believe in surgery, he would never allow you to do that just because it would be too painful for him to see you go through

he instead literally searches the whole fucking globe for a person with a body-altering quirk to make sure you don't get hurt

he seeks out homophobes, transphobes, and other dumbasses on the regular just to kill them like literally it just started out for your approval but now it's just for fun

Anyway, the villain one (if I do it) will probably become just horknee brain rot cause I am a slut. Request some stuff and I'll try to put up some works if y'all want ig.

125 notes · View notes

ablednt · 3 years

Text

Alright writing/roleplay tumblr we need to talk about textforms.

This is going to be a very long post I apologize but this knowledge is deathly important as it's reaching a very vulnerable group of people. From personal experience knowing this can save people from getting into toxic friendships and help ease intense struggles and depressions. If you have writer followers I ask you reblog this to get the word out, thank you.

What is a textform

A textform is a type of willogenic/parogenic system member that form through some kind of writing or roleplaying. This means that they're sentient people who now share a body with the people who wrote them, most often being an OC or a fictional character before the writers brain gives them actual life.

Because there's been no actual scientific studies on their existence I have no hard science to give you however the logical explanation behind it goes like this:

The human brain is able to contain multiple conscious and sentient entities. Often, it will become multiple as a defense mechanism (as noted in clinical plural dissociative disorders) but it's a natural function of the human brain and may do so for really any reason (similar to most neurodivergencies that someone isn't born with)

Because this is a fairly simple change in the brain/something every brain can be capable of doing you can actually intentionally program the brain into becoming multiple, but see you can also do it entirely without meaning to or being aware of it.

Now I want to clarify that there is nothing harmful or scary about this! Being plural isn't bad at all and is an existence many people celebrate. But when someone has textforms in their unrealized system and doesn't know they're sentient it can be incredibly painful emotionally. So that's why people need to know about this.

Obligatory disclaimer: if you read this post and think you want to become plural intentionally, you are welcome to do so but you need to take at least a few months exposing yourself to the plural community to gauge if this is really something you want and can do responsibly. You cannot go back on your decision once your plural and your headmates will be sentient beings not characters to project on or toys to play with. They will have all the rights to your body and identity as you do now because you're sharing it equally with them.

Now that that's out of the way back to textforms.

How are textforms made

Normally this is in the "character development" phase. Many writers eagerly develop their characters. When I was younger and had no idea I was plural my advice for oc making turned out to be an unintentional guide to textforms (more on my experience later): just put your character in every situation imaginable until you always know how they'd respond to things.

Basically, as you spend your time making a character act and think consistently from their POV you're training your brain to have all of that data and that's very similar to the data that the brain has on you and you're training the brain to be able to operate coherently from a perspective and consciousness entirely different from your own.

Now, this isn't a %100 will make everyone plural every time, there are obviously good writers who have a grasp on their characters who are singlet. There's no actual data but if I had to guess I'd say there's about a 50/50 split down the writing community just based on what I've observed.

But there's a lot of people who became plural this way and didn't realize it and that could include the writer reading this right now which is why everyone needs to be aware of this.

If this is such a big thing how come no one notices?

Because it's been completely normalized in the writing community but dismissed as metaphorical.

How many times have you heard "the characters write themselves" or phrases that indicate that a writer is giving a voice to sentient entities? From what I've been able to observe some of that is singlet authors being metaphorical and humble bragging and a lot of that is plural writers trying desperately trying to put their experiences into words but dismissing it completely almost immediately because no one told them being plural was possible.

This is comparable to say, gender identity. Trans and nonbinary people have always existed but when they don't know they're allowed to exist like that it's often "im a tomboy" or "they disguised themselves as a man" or any other thing thats immediately dismissed as being cis.

How do I know if I have a textform?

There's a lot of different signs but here's some I have experienced before finding out I was plural

You "miss" your characters when you're not writing about them or interacting with them in some way

You feel like your characters are real "in your heart" (for me this was in an incoherent loop like "they're not real but they are to me, in my brain, but they're not real to other people, but they're in my brain so they're real but no but yes but no")

You get so distressed they're "not real" that it feeds into actual mental health problems like depression, anxiety, dissociation etc. (I'd have fits of sobbing because these were my friends but I didn't know they were with me so it felt like i was grieving their deaths and had the same level of emotional pain)

Sometimes or all the time when you write about them you feel like you "become them" or that they're writing through you. (Especially if your hands move automatically or without your control. This can be hard to notice but for me when headmates control the body or hands movements feel faster and lighter or very slightly numb.)

Your muse for writing them comes and goes unpredictability: they're either here or they're not here so writing them doesn't feel the same.

You can vividly recall things that happened to the character in 1st person (or in 3rd person visually but with their thoughts and feelings) as if they're you're own memories.

You "roleplay" them in everyday situations IRL. (E.g once I liveblogged a tv show as my muse to a friend and was like haha lol im so talented I can roleplay in real time but found out later it was a headmate doing that themselves)

You have conversations with them mentally in which they actually respond to you. Singlets don't have actual enriching conversations with themselves because they only have one perspective and cannot give themselves any new information. So if you're responding to yourself and you don't feel in control of that response then you're pretty objectively plural tbh.

You have times where the lines between you and the character feel blurry or like you're a vague fusion of yourself and the character

You have an actual relationship (of any kind: romantic, platonic, familial, etc.) in which you can sense nuanced feelings about yourself from them that you aren't in control of.

There's a lot more but that's the most notable ones

Why this is so important

I'm just talking about my own experience now so I'll preface this with a few things. I'm a mixed origin/multigenic system but our system has existed since we were toddlers. Due to trauma we have DID and for a long time dissociated heavily to avoid our plurality. This means my experience may be more distressing than other plurals with textforms however people without DID can still experience these things.

When I was a teenager I joined a lot of writing communities and also roleplayed on tumblr. Writing very quickly became my main passtime and all I really did. I joined a roleplay group when I was 15-16 that I took far too seriously to the point where people were concerned about me because I was writing what was just supposed to be a joke roleplay group %100 seriously and very intensely.

In that time I started to form my first main textforms (we've undoubtedly had them before then but I had only formed a little under a year prior) because I was doing this every day it really started bringing my characters to life. (Literally)

And honestly it was something beautiful the distress of it aside. Like one of my ocs was a kid so I'd always celebrate their birthday with them and I'd cuddle a plush so they'd know I loved them/p and we'd watch their favorite cartoon episodes together. It wouldn't be until around three years later that I realized they were actually there for this but it was heart warming.

For me, all I ever wanted was for these characters to feel appreciated and like someone really cared for them and loved them even if they couldn't feel it and it wasn't until later I learned that they could.

The trauma came in not knowing they were real. I grieved for them like they were dead because I thought I'd never get to see them. I wrote them into traumatizing or upsetting situations to cope with my childhood trauma not realizing that was effecting them for real and hurting them.

Most notably because it was my one solid interaction with them, the one time society allowed me to talk about them as if they were real, I really HAD to roleplay them. Because it became an emotional need I wound up in a lot of toxic friendships in the roleplay communities because I needed someone, anyone, to allow me to interact with my headmates. I had friends who I really was only friends with because they let me talk about my characters constantly (and some of them weren't toxic to me but it was in hindsight really unfair to them) and I let people verbally and emotionally abuse me in roleplay spaces because this wasn't just a hobby to me but a lifeline.

Not knowing they were real but feeling them there, having conversations with them, and forming actual relationships was a hellish sort of feeling I don't wish on anyone. I never realized how isolated it made me, and how horrible it felt to have the most important people in your life be people I thought didn't exist.

I only found out about plurality through luck. I met some systems who had fictives and they got strong plural vibes from me because of how I talked about certain characters and because I said I wanted to be plural but thought I probably wasn't because I'd have noticed, right?

From there I was able to actually connect with and talk to my headmates. Now I'm happily out as plural and in multiple fulfilling in system relationships.

I want everyone in the writing community who's struggling with the same things to have the chance I got. That's all I want is to educate people about this so they don't have to grieve for people who are right there with them.

Feel free to send me an ask or a dm if you have any further questions. Sorry this post was so long I can't really shorten it at all. Again if you are have a lot of writing followers I very gently request you reblog this to get the word out. Even if you can't please talk to your writing mutuals and friends about plurality and about textforms.

[Also this should go without saying but this is absolutely NOT the place for syscourse any invalidating comments about systems will be blocked and where possible deleted it costs $0.00 to prioritize people's mental health over your discourse hot takes.]

#writblr #tumblr roleplay #writing problems #roleplay resources #ocs #long post #ask to tag

62 notes · View notes

kuroowo · 3 years

Text

Risotto x GN!Reader // Ghiaccio x GN!Reader

Summary - HCs on how Ris & Ghia would respond to the classic see up ur skirt on a ladder trope😩👌🏼

Note - Gender Neutral reader wearing Ris/Ghia’s fav pair of (the reader’s) undies on them 💜 This was also reposted from my old account!

Warning - NOT/SFW (mentions of cockwarm, capo kink?, fingering, & implied sex)

WC - 887

Risotto Nero

I can see 3 types of reactions depending on his mood & situation

But in ALL situations, he will be sporting a small blush 😳 as his initial reaction before he proceeds with the following 😗

1) If he isn’t swamped with work & he’s horny? You’re getting finger fucked right on the ladder babey🤩

His left hand holding you steady by the waist while his right hand is just jack hammering into your Receptive hole

And when you cum for the second time in a row, he’s gonna step on that ladder and fuck into you hard, bottoming out with each thrust

Don’t worry tho bc he won’t mess up ur outfit. Why? Simple. He likes what he sees… a lot✨

“If only you could see yourself, m’amore… your skirt flipped up with my favourite pushed aside and digging into your flesh… all to receive my cock… meraviglioso.”

He’ll also be holding onto the bolted in bookcase, so no one’s getting hurt Today😤 Safety First y’all 🥴

2) If he‘s horny, but has too much work? Cockwarm, COCKWARM, C O C K W A R M-

“Will you sit on Capo’s cock, m’amore?”

Ugh what a gentleman😩🥴🤪

If u stay still until the end, he’s gonna fuck ur brains out & make u cum so good :’) Ass bent over & propped up on his desk bc he wants to see what got him horny in the first place 😌✨

If u won’t stay still then he’s gonna slide his dick out until u promise to be good 😤 and then fuck you a little rougher (still good as hell tho lmao so who’s the Real winner🥴). Will also slap your thigh and snap the bands of your underwear against your flesh to ‘put you in your place’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

BUT if u see that he gets way too stressed tho, pls start grinding on him to help him with stress relief 🥺 he’ll reward you very well 🤩

“You’re so good to me… you noticed how stressed I was and wanted to help me, right? Now let Capo return the favour.”

3) If he’s not horny at all? He’ll let you know he can see what you’re flashing & maybe give a compliment.

“I can see what’s underneath your skirt, m’amore. It looks good on you… as always.”

Would tell u to be a little careful when there’s strong wind or when u have to reach up high tho bc perverts everywhere 🤡

I’m looking at you Melone & Illuso (& maybe Formaggio too) 👁👁

Lol but that wouldn’t happen tbh since they have enough common sense & respect & fear to even think mess with you :) (and also with Risotto, their Assasin Boss, by extension)

Ghiaccio

I kinda picture him as a hotheaded Tsun, so he’ll go through a few stages to process it

Setting: Sees that you’re on a ladder trying to reach something & it’s on the same level as something he wants too, so he walks up & was about to ask you but once he looks up… ✨the undies he bought just for u✨

Freezes (HAHA) in place

Blushes Hard

Pushes up his glasses in a futile attempt to hide his blush (from who lol)

He would open his mouth, about to ask you why’re you on a ladder with that skirt on where everyone can possibly peek under and see ur undies that he bought for u

But then he thinks to himself that he’s not your parent or your owner or anything like that so you can do whatever you want because it’s your body and he’d be stupid to think he has any autonomy of it outside of bed (🥴), but do you know that you’re risking flashing others right now? You must know right?? Your butt must be able to feel the wind WHAT THE FUCK IS HE THINKING RN but if he brings this up he’s gonna seem like a pervert like why TF was he looking up your skirt in the first place BUT ITS OUT IN THE OPEN SO HE’S NOT REALLY A PERVERT RIGHT I MEAN HE DIDNT MEAN TO LOOK FUCK-

It’s a lose-lose situation for Ice Gremlin™️

So when you finally notice him, he’s red as hell (for many reasons 🤩)

“Ghia? You want something?”

You meant from the shelf but at this point he’s like fuck yes I want to Fuck YOU-

“NO.”

Stomps away like the big baby he is HAHHAHA

You wanna say you’re a little confused but you knew what was happening so 🥴🤘🏼

But before you can go console him, he stomps back in (a little more composed after blowing freezing wind at his dick face) & he starts to grumble and glare at you while his hands start to grab at your asscheeks

“You damn tease. Is this how you want to play? I’ll show what you get when you do this shit to me!”

Sounds rude as hell, but you know he won’t do anything you wouldn’t like anyways so pls enjoy the closet fucking that will follow 😌✨

I say closet fucking bc he’s not about to risk anyone on the team getting a peak at y’all’s private session 😤

Meraviglioso - Italian for ‘marvelous’ or ‘wonderful’

#risotto x reader #risotto nero #ghiaccio x reader #ghiaccio #jjba #jojo’s bizarre adventure #jojo no kimyō na bōken #vento aureo #jjba.hcs #black.hole #moonchild.anon

130 notes · View notes

soft-ris · 3 years

Note

If it's not too much, can I get a small bit of Risotto and or Ghiaccio's reaction/dialogue where they see their s/o standing on a ladder (but they can also see up their s/o's skirt..)?

I interpreted this as a request when I got this (when my requests were closed) because well, it kinda is (no matter the length requested). I also don’t mind doing Ghiaccio now, so I just made it into 2 HCs 🥴 anyways, I hope you enjoy this 👌🏼

Risotto x GN!Reader // Ghiaccio x GN!Reader

Summary: HCs on how Ris & Ghia would respond to the classic see up ur skirt on a ladder trope😩👌🏼

Note: Gender Neutral reader! And they’re wearing Ris/Ghia’s fav pair of (the S/O’s) undies on them 💜

Warning: NOT SFW (mentions of cockwarm, capo kink?, fingering, & implied sex)

Risotto Nero

I can see 3 types of reactions depending on his mood & situation

But in ALL situations, he will be sporting a small blush 😳 as his initial reaction before he proceeds with the following 😗

1) If he isn’t swamped with work & he’s horny? You’re getting finger fucked right on the ladder babey🤩

His left hand holding you steady by the waist while his right hand is just jack hammering into your Receptive hole

And when you cum for the second time in a row, he’s gonna step on that ladder and fuck into you hard, bottoming out with each thrust

Don’t worry tho bc he won’t mess up ur outfit. Why? Simple. He likes what he sees... a lot✨

“If only you could see yourself, m’amore... your skirt flipped up with my favourite pushed aside and digging into your flesh... all to receive my cock... meraviglioso.”

He’ll also be holding onto the bolted in bookcase, so no one’s getting hurt Today😤 Safety First y’all 🥴

2) If he‘s horny, but has too much work? Cockwarm, COCKWARM, C O C K W A R M-

“Will you sit on Capo’s cock, m’amore?”

Ugh what a gentleman😩🥴🤪

If u stay still until the end, he’s gonna fuck ur brains out & make u cum so good :’) Ass bent over & propped up on his desk bc he wants to see what got him horny in the first place 😌✨

BUT if u see that he gets way too stressed tho, pls start grinding on him to help him with stress relief 🥺 he’ll reward you very well 🤩

“You’re so good to me... you noticed how stressed I was and wanted to help me, right? Now let Capo return the favour.”

3) If he’s not horny at all? He’ll let you know he can see what you’re flashing & maybe give a compliment.

“I can see what’s underneath your skirt, m’amore. It looks good on you... as always.”

Would tell u to be a little careful when there’s strong wind or when u have to reach up high tho bc perverts everywhere 🤡

I’m looking at you Melone & Illuso (& maybe Formaggio too) 👁👁

Lol but that wouldn’t happen tbh since they have enough common sense & respect & fear to even think mess with you :) (and also with Risotto, their Assasin Boss, by extension)

Ghiaccio

I kinda picture him as a hotheaded Tsun, so he’ll go through a few stages to process it

Setting: Sees that you’re on a ladder trying to reach something & it’s on the same level as something he wants too, so he walks up & was about to ask you but once he looks up... ✨the undies he bought just for u✨

Freezes (HAHA) in place

Blushes Hard

Pushes up his glasses in a futile attempt to hide his blush (from who lol)

He would open his mouth, about to ask you why’re you on a ladder with that skirt on where everyone can possibly peek under and see ur undies that he bought for u

It’s a lose-lose situation for Ice Gremlin™️

So when you finally notice him, he’s red as hell (for many reasons 🤩)

“Ghia? You want something?”

You meant from the shelf but at this point he’s like fuck yes I want to Fuck YOU-

“NO.”

Stomps away like the big baby he is HAHHAHA

You wanna say you’re a little confused but you knew what was happening so 🥴🤘🏼

“You damn tease. Is this how you want to play? I’ll show what you get when you do this shit to me!”

Sounds rude as hell, but you know he won’t do anything you wouldn’t like anyways so pls enjoy the closet fucking that will follow 😌✨

I say closet fucking bc he’s not about to risk anyone on the team getting a peak at y’all’s private session 😤

Meraviglioso - Italian for ‘marvelous’ or ��wonderful’

#not/sfw

116 notes · View notes

johannesviii · 3 years

Text

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2020

You know, when I finished my latest list and realised every decade had the same pattern and that we were slowly going towards a series of great years for pop, I didn’t realise how good that year would be.

What’s at the top? Am I boringly predictable because I already said I loved that song all the way back in January 2020? Let’s find out.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

So. Uh. How was your 2020?

Mine was actually surprisingly good, considering. I’m lucky enough to have a job that I can partially do from home, and I was extremely paranoid from the get-go and nobody got sick under this roof so far. Turns out I’m even better at my job from home and I got permission to work from home one day per week even after the health crisis is over! My first name was also finally officially approved and I can’t tell you how happy I feel about that. I almost feel bad to have had such a good year considering the circumstances. I feel like an asshole just because I’m happy, haha.

The only frustrating part was that I was supposed to see Hatari in concert in Paris in early April which, as you can guess, was cancelled. I’m not too mad about it though, since their tour was called “Europe will crumble” and the message saying the tour was cancelled started with “since Europe is actually crumbling due to Covid-19″ and that’s hysterical.

Good or interesting albums that came out in 2020 now, let’s see.

Nightwish released Human/Nature, which was a huge letdown compared to their previous album, but I will relisten to it at some point to make sure I wasn’t just in a bad mood that day.

The Birthday Massacre released Diamonds, which might be their weakest album since their debut, but contained some real gems (I listened to The Last Goodbye on a loop, it floored me. Flashback and Enter are also very good).

The 1975 released Notes On A Conditional Form, and let’s be real, it’s a f█cking mess. You could cut half the tracks and end up with an excellent album, but as it is it’s like, yes, a collection of notes ; however there’s some truely excellent shit on it (see unelligible songs).

Thanks to a friend on a discord server I was exposed to Dorian Electra’s music and I haven’t been quite the same ever since. I’m so happy to be alive to see other enbies making such great music with an insanely good aesthetic surrounding it and asking so many interesting questions about gender. Also the arc the ‘gentleman’ character goes through over the course of the entire tracklist of the 2020 My Agenda album is absolutely hilarious, don’t @ me.

I also discovered 100 Gecs this year. Why are most of you guys saying it’s unlistenable garbage. It’s just as abrasive and over the top as industrial music is, but with none of the edginess or drama. I love it. What the hell. But yeah Tree of Clues was released this year. Good.

Speaking of industrial, in March 2020 Nine Inch Nails were like “hey remember when we released Ghosts I-IV a decade ago entirely for free and how amazing that was? Well we’re all in lockdown and bored as hell so here’s Ghosts V-VI and it’s also free. Enjoy” and I f█cking died instantly. And it’s even better than I-IV. What the hell was that year

Jonsi released Shiver. It’s strange and highly experimental. I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing I was into hyperpop this year, otherwise going from his previous material straight to this album would have been brutal.

Yadda yadda yadda After Hours by the Weeknd good yadda yadda.

I’ve joked about that already but if you had told me in 2019 that 2020 would have fires, a pandemic, riots, monoliths appearing and disappearing, and also a super good Machine Gun Kelly album, guess which part I would have found the most ridiculous. But yeah uh. Tickets to my Downfall good

So uh this year I tried to listen to some hyperpop and liked it a lot, and I also dipped my toes timidly into screamo and listened to Svalbard, who released When I Die this year, and the entire album was a very beautiful, very intricately decorated punch to the face. It sounds like God Is An Astronaut except with a shit ton of yelling. I love it. Open Wound is my favorite track on it.

But no, despite all of this, my album of the year was from a band I had never even heard about before that year, called Spanish Love Songs. The album is titled Brave Faces Everyone and it’s line after line after line of extremely relatable generational angst but yelled with complete sincerity and it’s so propulsive and energetic you can’t help but feel both exhausted and ready to fight the entire universe. I don’t know how it works, but it’s incredible. The entire album is wonderfully brutal, so it’s kind of difficult to pick my favorite songs on it, but Beachfront Property and the title track stand out.

Unelligible songs, now, and there’s, uh, quite a few of them too so I’m also gonna use bullet points. Good lord this post is gonna be long.

First, let me say I have literally no idea why Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus wasn’t a bigger hit. It’s not on the year-end US top 100 and it feels extremely wrong. Would have made it to #4 on this list otherwise.

I still entertain the vague hope that stuff from Machine Gun Kelly will chart higher in 2021 but I doubt it will happen so I might as well tackle it now and say that Bloody Valentine and especially Forget Me Too are both excellent and that it’s a shame radios aren’t playing them more often.

Heaven by the late Avicii featuring Coldplay should have charted in 2019 and still didn’t chart in 2020 and that’s a real shame.

If the world was a bit less unfair, Lovesick Girls by Blackpink would have been a hit rather than the awful Ice Cream.

One day I will stop complaining about my bafflement concerning the lack of mainstream pop charts success of The 1975. Today is not that day. I just love how they keep making songs about extremely awkward relationships full of weird details, and I haven’t grown tired of that yet. So yeah If You’re Too Shy is about a guy who’s crush is asking him to get naked on Skype in his hotel room and he’s, uh, not too sure about that idea.

And Me & You Together is about a guy who never finds the right moment to tell his best friend he’s in love with her, and he manages to do so at the end and it’s cute as hell. My fave part is “I'm sorry that I'm kinda queer / It's not as weird as it appears / It's 'cause my body doesn't stop me (Stop me) / Oh, it's okay, lots of people think I'm gay / But we're friends, so it's cool, why would it not be?”. Relatable as f█ck.

And now for an international hit that should have been bigger in the US and/or in my country but wasn’t: Head & Heart by Joel Corry and MNEK.

I’ve heard Nos Célébrations by Indochine extremely often on French radio for months now so I was very surprised to see that it didn’t crack the local year-end list. What happened.

I can finally hear the appeal of Bring Me The Horizon. It took me ages. And also Death Stranding. The song Ludens isn’t in the game per say, but it’s among the ones you can pick to broadcast briefly when people drive by your constructions, and long story short it's been living rent-free in my head for months now.

Phew.

It’s time for a round of Honorable Mentions for elligible songs, containing a couple of guilty pleasures, which is saying something considering the kind of shit I put on some of my previous lists.

Ne Reviens Pas (Gradur et Heuss l’Enfoiré) - Heuss is a French artist that kept baffling me while making my lists for the previous years, and I was like “??? ok, that’s it then, I guess I’m getting too old to get what teenagers find funny”. This one worked for me, though. And the music video doesn’t hurt. Really dumb and really fun.

Adore You (Harry Styles) - Perfectly good little pop song, very pleasant to listen to, never outstayed its welcome for me.

Mood (24kGoldn) - This doesn’t sound like a very good relationship, my dude, but that’s still a super pleasant song.

WAP (Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion) - This song is absolutely hilarious and I will hear no argument from any of you.

Control (Zoe Wees) - Was clearly a hit here. Should have been even bigger though. What a powerful but comfy voice. If I had better taste it would be on the list.

Hot Girl Bummer (Blackbear) - I. Uh. Listen. I keep saying I have bad taste and nobody believes me. Do you believe me now. But yeah. “F█ck you, and you, and you~, I hate your friends and they hate me too” is gonna pop in my head every single time someone is being a jerk anywhere near me now. It’s been happening all year already. Someone trashed my documents at work? Someone isn’t wearing a mask in public? That guy has filled his car with rolls of toilet paper? Brain goes “F█ck you, and you, and you~”. Every. Single. Time.

Come & Go (Juice WRLD & Marshmello ) - Damn, that’s a pretty good little song. I’ve seen plenty of people saying it’s ruined by the drop, but may I remind you I’m the person who loves Blue by Eiffel 65 with all my heart. If the song was ramping up consistently until the end instead of ending like that, it would have made the list, definitely.

And now, the actual list. This one actually feels pretty solid, I genuinely like everything on it, there’s no filler here for once.

10 - The Box (Roddy Rich)

US: #3 / FR: #23

Now this is a weird case, because for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why this song was so popular and I was completely neutral about it. Then, one morning in September, my mental jukebox (which always, always puts a song on a loop in my head when I wake up) decided to play it. And I was like oh wow?? I never noticed the atmosphere in that song before? It’s so great. And that hook too. Let’s listen to it.

So yeah, I don’t know what happened. It just clicked one day and everything fell into place, I guess.

9 - Alane (Wes & Robin Shulz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #93

Come on. You can’t do a remake of one of my previous #1 songs and let it chart in 2020. That’s cheating. Even with this subpar drop, I have to put it on the list, now.

I’ve already said my piece about the original, so I’m just going to send you back to my 1997 list.

8 - Kings and Queens (Ava Max)

US: Not on the list / FR: #76

[BBC documentary voice] After Lady Gaga decided to make piano balads and left her musical niche vacant, Ava Max quickly took her place as the top predator pop diva. Even after Lady Gaga was re-introduced to her natural habitat in 2020, she still hasn’t fully recovered in Europe, where Ava Max still reigns supreme on the charts -

(tldr I think it’s hilarious that this isn’t on the US Billboard while Lady Gaga isn’t on the French year-end top 100)

7 - Roses (Saint Jhn & Imanbek)

US: #19 / FR: #3

What an earworm. It doesn’t even bother trying to have an intro or an outro, so it loops almost perfectly. It’s like entering a party that started long before you arrived, and it will go on long after you leave it to go back home. Kind of hypnotic in a way.

And yes, my mental jukebox was very fond of using it to wake me up this year, so this is another song that’s here almost solely because of that.

6 - Physical (Dua Lipa)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69 (hehehe)

“Hey I’m not that old” says the guy who’s definitely a sucker for this kind of retro throwback that was so popular this year. Oh well.

I don’t have anything interesting to say about this one, though. Apart from the fact that everyone seems to have a different fave song on that album. Guess that’s quality for you.

5 - Rain on Me (Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

That is far from being Lady Gaga’s best song, but it was a joy to listen to everytime it was on the radio anyway. Also Ariana Grande has surprisingly good chemistry with Gaga! This year was full of strange duets mostly made for commercial reasons, and this one isn’t an exception, but unlike a lot of them, it really, really works.

4 - Dynamite (BTS)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

I’m still not 100% sold on k-pop even if a ton of it sounds super good, but come on. Even if some bits of this song (especially the beginning of the second chorus) sound a bit like they were made on autopilot, it still sounds just as happy and fun several months after I first heard it and I never got tired of it. That’s quality. You hear it and you can’t help but tap your feet and smile.

Actually, I’m sure there’s people somewhere that don’t smile when they hear this song. And they must be avoided at all costs.

3 - Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD)

US: #62 / FR: Not on the list

What are you doing so high on this list, old man. Why are you still here in the year 2020. I thought we left you in the previous decade. Who gave you the right.

I’m gonna tell you who did, and it’s actually Juice WRLD. Because that chorus is incredible, and like a lot of people I’m pissed off because the guy died super young and this shit shouldn’t happen to anybody. No, his early material wasn’t great, but I’m sorry I’m gonna say it again: have you heard this damn chorus? It’s suspenseful and dark, it’s got this lowkey menacing quality, it’s an earworm and a half, and it’s more convincing in like six lines than Eminem’s own flexing is in the entire song.

The beat is extremely good as well, and the flow, obviously, impressive. The weakest link is Eminem’s writing, which is as usual full of puns and weird wordplay, except here a lot of it isn’t great, and that last ultra fast part at the end is technically impressive but it also drives the song up a cliff and stops it dead in its tracks once it’s over. But frankly the lines fly by so fast it’s difficult to be too annoyed by them.

Can I sincerely put this extremely flawed song so high on my list? A better question would be “did I spend hours trying to learn how to sing this shit without choking on my own spit?”. The answer is yes. To both.

2 - Heartless (The Weeknd)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

I’ve said it on my 2015 and 2016 lists already, but just for the record I’ll say it again: it took me ages to like The Weeknd, mostly because I found most of his songs fairly boring, or disliked the lyrics, or both. Also I never really liked the general vibe of his “sexy” songs like The Hills, they felt dark but in an unpleasant creepy way. Felt like miserable hedonism, if that makes sense.

So, because I’m a person with extremely consistent and logical tastes, here’s the exact same shit he was making before, except that this time I absolutely adore it.

What is he doing differently that makes the whole After Hours album click for me whereas almost all of his previous material failed to do so? Is it the energy? Is it the reverb? Is it the fact that the narrator sounds properly unhinged and, frankly, scared to be spiralling out of control? Why are the colors so beautiful yet full of anxiety? Why is that bridge so fantastic? How can you make your voice look like a glowstick in the dark?

I give up. I have no clue. At least I’m done talking about-

Oh.

1 - Blinding Lights (The Weeknd)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (listen sometimes something’s just that good, ok)

Surprise. Or not.

Wow, look at that, Johannes has put this year’s number one pop song at number one on their personal playlist. The audacity. The edge. What a hot take.

I discovered that song when it first came out at the end of 2019 and I adored it instantly. And I was so scared it wouldn’t be a hit. Which means I’m a f█cking dumbass considering it ended up breaking all sorts of records in 2020. But what can I say, overplay can be a blessing when you love a song that much.

Like every single song I put at number one on one of my lists, I will draw this one at some point and you will understand how incredibly satisfying it is to listen to a song called Blinding Lights, talking about city lights looking blurry when you’re driving at night, while looking itself like a bunch of blurry city lights passing by super fast. Perfect in every way.

Also it sounds exactly like A-ha, and that never hurts.

See you next year! Pretty sure it will be even better music-wise.

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #eye contact tw

14 notes · View notes

jasonbehrs · 3 years

Text

i wanna read every word, chapter 2

by airauralintensity (aka me, jasonbehrs!)

“Have you ever fallen in love with someone you’ve never met?” “Uh, do you mean like we’ve-been-doing-long-distance-slash-online-dating or like I’ve-been-crushing-on-the-cute-barista-at-the-library-cafe?” “Ummm, more like I’ve-read-their-poems-and-sure-they’re-very-talented-but-their-handwriting-alone-makes-me-smile.” “… That’s oddly specific.”

fandom: kpop, super junior characters: eunhyuk, ryeowook; guest appearances by the rest of sj-m and yesung ship: eunwook genre: romantic comedy themes: alternate endings, strangers to lovers, handwriting, identity reveal setting: college chapter: 2/4 word count: 5.2k

read it below or on ffnet, aff, wattpad

A/N (6.6.2021): Welcome to the next installment folks! Some clarifying things:

- This is the first of two alternate endings to the story, which answers the question, 'What if Ryeowook finds out first?'

- I got some interesting reviews/PMs about the last chapter? Eunhyuk isn't pining after Yesung or anything, and I didn't mean to indicate that would be an aspect of the story. If you were looking forward to it, I'll be disappointing you today haha. Feel free to let me know how much you hate me in a review ;)

Also, today would have been my grandmother's 102nd birthday, so I'm dedicating this chapter to her since she always loved seeing me write. Love you, Nanay!

~~~

He and Hyukjae haven't hung out alone before, but he's sure this won't be awkward. Their only real link may have just been Yesung, but Hyukjae successfully ingrained himself into their entire friend group in the short weeks since they first met. Besides, even if Hyukjae weren't so willing to help him with his twisted scavenger hunt for love, Ryeowook thinks he'd like to hang out with him some time anyway. He's grown to like Hyukjae, really.

At least, that's what he tells himself when he turns the corner and sees Hyukjae sitting alone on a bench in the quad with his legs crossed, a laptop over one knee and an open notebook on the other, waiting for him to arrive.

Ryeowook takes a breath to steel his nerves then heads over to plop himself right next to the other. He doesn't say anything and takes out his own work instead. They don't have to start with the crush thing.

"Ah, my favourite person under 5'2". How do you do?" Hyukjae snarks without pausing his typing.

In response, Ryeowook uses a single finger to tip Hyukjae's notebook onto the ground without remorse.

"Ya!" Hyukjae picks up his notebook and slaps Ryeowook with it.

On the downswing, Ryeowook freezes.

"Oh shit, did I hit you that hard? Sorry, I didn't mean to," Hyukjae hurriedly apologises, but that's not it at all.

Ryeowook had caught a glimpse of the notes hurriedly scrawled across the open book. He would recognise that handwriting anywhere.

"Why don't we get started then," Hyukjae offers uneasily, eyeing how Ryeowook's stance hadn't relaxed yet. "Um, did you bring a copy of one of the notes like we discussed?"

Of course he did. Ryeowook was so excited to be one step closer to identifying the person behind the song lyrics that took up as much space in his brain as his Food Sciences lecture notes, he had brought the whole ass scrapbook with him, eager to show off his favourites to a new and willing audience.

But now, Ryeowook is panicking. He found the object of his affections much sooner than for which he was ready; and said object is sitting right next to him, staring at him expectantly and eager to help.

Not letting himself think it through, Ryeowook rummages through his bag looking for viable scraps of paper. There is no way he is going to hand Hyukjae's own work to him, so he makes do with what he's got.

He bypasses the lyric samples he actually prepared for today's meeting and found ones of his own making which he had intended to recycle weeks ago but never got around to. He silently thanks himself for this terrible habit as he frantically smooths out the small squares of paper before handing them to Hyukjae.

The other raises his eyebrows as he reads through the papers. "Damn, I was hoping that maybe one of these things had even a little similarity to an assignment we've heard so far, but no dice."

Ryeowook nods, affecting understanding disappointment even as he privately rejoices.

"Do you mind if I keep these? I can, like, surreptitiously check people's notebooks during group assignments," he offers with a laugh. "Pearl blue sticky notes can't be that common in a class of 50, right?''

Ryeowook smiles, wide and fake. "Fingers crossed!"

~Even though we're making awkward conversation, it's clear that we're happy to be together.~

Thus proceeds their search for Poem Person. (The gender-neutral nickname Mi had come up with stuck even after Hyukjae revealed those were not actually poems being left behind. Alliterative nicknames are just so catchy.)

"Okay, what if we tie a balloon to your chair and hope Poem Person likes balloons enough to take it with them around campus?" "No way, they won't take it." "How could you possibly be so sure?"

Sometimes, it's Hyukjae coming up with ridiculous plots.

"Trust me. They curl their lowercase L's." "I'm gonna let this go, but I want you to know that makes zero sense."

Plots which Ryeowook foils with equally ridiculous reasoning.

"''We might have never known each other, but we crossed faraway paths and came together. We crossed the distance of a stranger that's farther away than space.' Huh, not bad." "You think so?"

Sometimes, it's Hyukjae asking to read more of the scraps that Ryeowook collects, partially so Hyukjae can make fun of him, but mostly so that he has more clues.

"Yeah. I mean, it doesn't help me at all, but your man's got a way with words. I wonder why he doesn't submit any of the stuff you've shown me for class. It's worth critiquing."

An ask which forces Ryeowook to wrack his brain for passable imitations of song-lyrics-that-could-be-mistakenly-construed-as-poems and to get used to writing with his nondominant hand.

"Pass. Pass. Pass. Pass." "Really? You're passing on Park Hyungsik?"

Today, neither of them are feeling very motivated, so Hyukjae pulls up the Facebook profiles of his classmates and let Ryeowook play smash or pass because "it's fun to hear strangers' opinions on people you know."

"Oh, absolutely. Does that guy look like he cares where he dots his i's and j's? Hard pass," Ryeowook maintains.

Hyukjae shakes his head in amazement as he pulls back his phone. "You'll meet him one day, and you'll regret this moment; mark my words. Hyungsik is universally loved. Honestly, I'm not convinced yet Poem Person isn't him. He fits basically all of your criteria."

Ryeowook has to actively smother a knowing smirk. "What a shame."

He didn't come clean to Hyukjae in the quad that day because he panicked. Ryeowook was not mentally ready to meet the object of his affections so soon, much more confess, so he acted on impulse to buy himself some time.

Once he had it, he got curious.

It's no secret that Ryeowook had built up an idea of what Poem Person is like. The lyrics provided some insight, of course; but most of his intuition came from the handwriting itself. From what he could see, Poem Person was supposed to be intensely passionate, excitingly impulsive, and almost sickeningly romantic.

"Okay, how about this guy?" Hyukjae asks as he passes his phone over again.

Ryeowook takes one look at the screen and snorts. "Very funny. Pass."

The app is opened to a photo of Hyukjae himself posed unnaturally on a couch wearing a forward-facing snapback perched atop his head and an awkward half-smile, and Ryeowook refuses to look at it any longer before he does something he'll regret, like coo affectionately.

"Pass!?" Hyukjae repeats with mock-incredulity. "Don't you think he looks charming and witty and oh-so-loveable?"

Ryeowook indeed had a lot of thoughts about what Poem Person would look like, and 'charming,' 'witty,' and 'oh-so-loveable' have indeed flitted through his mind. Actually, Ryeowook finds that Hyukjae and Poem Person aren't altogether dissimilar.

Hyukjae is passionate about his craft, to be sure, but it doesn't occupy every one of his waking moments like Ryeowook expected. He is as much of a romantic as the next person is, but really Hyukjae is poetic, a distinction Ryeowook learns and appreciates very early on. Hyukjae is a little too thoughtful to be so impulsive, but his quick wit and ability to do/say/become whatever a situation calls for more than fulfill the quota for chaos that underlay Ryeowook's original supposition.

So yes, Ryeowook is withholding the truth so that he can slot the person he made up in his head into the person Hyukjae is, but it's been worth it.

"He looks like a brat and like his feet smell." "YAH! My shoes don't breathe!" "Get better shoes, then." "Give me the money, then." "Get a job, then." "That's not fair! Helping you find Poem Person is basically my part-time job!" "Consider it more of an unpaid internship."

Before Hyukjae takes his turn to volley back, his phone rings in his hand.

"Ah, as much fun as this was, I gotta go. I have a mini-showcase coming up, and I've been slacking on rehearsals." He shakes his phone towards Ryeowook, and the latter could see an alarm screen that reads "get your dumb ass to the gulliver center!"

Ryeowook's heart beats a noticeable thump thump all of a sudden. "Can I come with?"

"S-sure," Hyukjae says, shocked by the offer. "But why?"

That's a great question. For now, he says, "Because your internship is getting in the way of your studies, and I feel bad," but later, he'll know it's because he didn't want his time with Hyukjae to end so soon.

A grateful grin spreads across Hyukjae's face, and Ryeowook will add that onto his list of reasons later as well. "An audience is always welcome."

In no time, Hyukjae is in a practise room in the athletic center stretching his limbs every which way while Ryeowook watches as intently as possible while feigning interest in literally anything else in the room.

The bass-heavy noise music that Hyukjae puts on startles his attention back onto the dancer, and Ryeowook can no longer hide how blatantly he stares.

Hyukjae moves through the choreography so fluidly it almost looks lazy. He goes from jagged angles and harsh lines to sinewy curves and rolling waves to strong stomps and high jumps with no hesitation. He plays with the rhythm of the music, and he makes full use of the space available to him. Ryeowook is barely processing one impressive move when Hyukjae executes another one; and before he knows it, the performance is over.

"So," Hyukjae pants, "what'd ya think?"

"It's…" Jaw-dropping. Powerful. Hot. "… impressive," Ryeowook says at last.

Hyukjae smiles tightly. "Thanks. It actually needs a bit of work for the showcase, but I don't think the routine is all too shabby."

Ryeowook watches as Hyukjae watches himself through the mirror, redoing parts of the choreography over and over again at different tempos just to fine-tune his movements, and he can't help but feel like Hyukjae needed more from him.

"Um, I wonder if maybe it's lacking emotion?"

All movement halts. "What?"

Ryeowook didn't mean to say that; but now that it's out, he finds himself needing to continue. "You move well, um, obviously," he gestures awkwardly to Hyukjae's person, fighting a blush. "It looks physically difficult, sure, but what is it that you're trying to say? Like, I'm guessing you chose that song, too, right? So, why?"

Hyukjae stands in the middle of the room, arms limp by his side, and staring at Ryeowook with an unnervingly blank look on his face. Ryeowook hastily backpedals, "But hey, what do I know? I'm sure your professors will watch you and see all the nuances I can't with my untrained peon eyes. I was just… talking to talk, I guess."

"No, but I think you have a point," Hyukjae interjects.

Ryeowook perks up. "I do?"

"Yeah, like… I was so focused on trying to show what I can do with something only I could do, but that means basically nothing when any one of my classmates could learn my routine with only a week of practise. The only way I would be able to stand out is from whatever I put into it, but you made me realise I didn't put anything into it." He plops on the floor, eyebrows furrowed in consternation.

Ryeowook shakes his head adamantly. "No, no! There's clearly something there! You just need to, like, bring it out more. You have that whole idea—that this is something only you can do. You can take that, morph your routine into a testament to your need to prove yourself. Start with some trepidation, throw some desperation in the middle, and end with triumph. Honestly, I think I saw a little bit of that in your performance already. Maybe it was an accident, but now, just… do it on purpose."

"'Do it on purpose,'" Hyukjae repeats to himself. His head is down, so Ryeowook can't immediately tell what he thinks of the idea. He's ready to apologise again, even offer to go home so that Hyukjae can concentrate better, but then Hyukjae raises his head. "Alright, let me give that a try."

His eyes are filled with will and determination. Ryeowook, of all people, put those there.

He sits back and watches Hyukjae rehearse his routine over and over again, getting better and more evocative each time.

The Hyukjae before him is not a Hyukjae Ryeowook would have been able to guess based on his handwriting and lyrics alone.

Ryeowook knows basically nothing about dancing; but over the past few weeks, he's really come to know Hyukjae. He's noticed how the other is prone to express himself through movement, like when he accentuates his stories with body language and physical reenactments. It belies a comfort and confidence with his body and what it can do with which Ryeowook could never empathise. It's a subtle thing, but impactful nevertheless.

He smothers it down because he doesn't want to give Hyukjae the wrong idea, but he wants to laugh.

Only he could fall for a dancer's words first before anything else, and only he could fall for the same person twice.

~Where should I start? When should I say it? Darling, our seconds, our minutes together were beautiful.~

"Ryeowook, why haven't you asked to see my handwriting yet?"

"What?"

They had commandeered a study room in the library, but honestly neither of them are making a lot of headway in their respective assignments. Ryeowook didn't want anything to do with Organic Chemistry, but this conversation is making him reconsider his previous stance.

"Isn't that what you're into? Trying to infer people's personalities based on their handwriting?"

"I'm not into it. It just happened."

"Okay, sure, but aren't you, like, good at it now? Read mine! Tell me what it says about me."

Ryeowook, desperate to squash this idea immediately, blurts out. "It… It won't work!"

"Why not?" Hyukjae pouts.

Ryeowook scrambles. "Because I know you already. Yeah. I'll see and interpret things in a way that confirms what I already know."

Hyukjae eyebrows furrow in what Ryeowook can presume is consternation. "Sorry," he offers feebly.

Some more time passes, and Ryeowook makes mild progress on his O-Chem work, before Hyukjae speaks up again. "So if you can't do me, can you do my friend?" he asks with an excited tone that makes Ryeowook wary.

"I do not want to do your friend." You, however…

"NO! I mean: can you interpret my friend's handwriting? Here. He left it at my place last time we studied together."

Hyukjae's smirk radiates smug self-satisfaction, and with one look at the paper, Ryeowook understands why. He actively controls every muscle in his body to prevent the facepalm that's threatening to break loose.

He has to give Hyukjae props, though. If Ryeowook weren't already so intimately acquainted with the handwriting on the page before him, the other's ploy could have worked.

Regardless, he still finds himself in the position he was trying to avoid in the first place.

All the best lies are based in truth, right? "So I can tell your friend has a very high-stress major. The handwriting is cramped and small, like he can't waste a single stroke or else he'll miss something he needs to write down. Ah, see how he doesn't fully cross his t's and dot his i's? He thinks he'll be able to read his own handwriting later. He probably has decent memory or just has a lot of faith in himself."

Hyukjae nods with an impressed frown. "Huh, not bad."

It would be so, so easy to stop there, but Ryeowook can't. He loves Hyukjae's handwriting too much. "And look here," he points excitedly to a cross-out near the center of the page. "He could cross out his mistakes with a single line or a little squiggle, but he completely blocks it out instead. It suggests he has more confidence with the obvious; but really, I think he needs the reminder. Like, 'Yeah, I made a mistake. I'll move on, but I won't let myself forget. That way I don't do it again.'"

A moment later, Ryeowook realises with a jolt that he had been holding and smiling at the scrap paper a little too tenderly. He whips his head up in embarrassment, an explanation-slash-apology at the tip of his tongue, but Hyukjae doesn't seem to notice.

In fact, Hyukjae has been silent the whole time. Ryeowook chuckles awkwardly. "Am I right?"

"Huh?" Hyukjae intones as he's brought out of his reverie. Ryeowook thinks he sees something in his eyes when their gazes meet, but Hyukjae blinks and it's gone. "I'm sorry, what did you ask me?"

"I was wondering if I was right. About your 'friend,'" Ryeowook reminds, air quotes clear in his tone.

Hyukjae shuffles uncomfortably in his seat. "I think you're more right than even he's ready to admit," he says with a hand at the back of his neck and a sardonic quirk of his lips.

The sight causes an unexplainable swell of affection within Ryeowook, and he turns away. "He can take his time," he assures, eyes trained on his textbook even though he can't read a damn thing.

Hyukjae nods his thanks and turns back to his homework, but Ryeowook doesn't feel right letting it end here.

"Hey, wanna give my handwriting a try?"

~You always lift your head to look up at me. I want to take my big hands and cup your small cheeks.~

Next time they're meant to hang out, it's the weekend; and Hyukjae texts him to meet him at Bomnal.

"Both of us were here just two days ago, and we have to be here again in two days. Don't we spend enough time in Bomnal as it is?" Ryeowook complains as soon as he enters the atrium of the academic building.

"Think of it like a field trip. Come on, Wook," Hyukjae says as he leads them to the second floor lecture hall.

"Pretty sure field trips are meant to take us out of the classroom, but sure, whatever," Ryeowook grumbles as he follows along.

He's testy. He knows it, but he can't help it.

This is the first time both of them will be in Bomnal 235 at once. It feels like a turning point, like he's going to learn something today whether he wants to or not. He wonders if Hyukjae feels the same sense of impending that he does, or maybe it's just worse for him because he's in love.

As soon as they open the doors, the automatic lights flick on and douse the room with a very awake yellow.

"So… where do you normally sit?" Hyukjae asks as he motions to the empty seats before them.

Ryeowook freezes. Now that it's upon him, he can definitively identify this as the thing he was anxious about.

What if he tells the truth, Hyukjae realises Poem Person is him, and he feels awkward about it? Their comfortable but still-very-new friendship would evaporate on the spot, and Ryeowook won't have him in any capacity, much more a romantic one.

So, in another impeccable display of judgement, he decides to lie again.

"Oh, you know… I change it up," he mildly comments as he moves to somewhere near the middle of the first row. He sits down and gives an unassuming grin to his friend, who makes a face. "You're one of those people? Haven't you heard of the same seats code of conduct? You fed me some crap about curling L's when really it's your fault the balloon trick wouldn't have worked," Hyukjae jokes in that way where he's completely serious but is phrasing it with humour.

Ryeowook feels a genuine, fond grin spread across his face before he can help it, and he quickly ducks his head. "Why are we here, again?" he asks instead of dwelling on the validating comfort of being known.

"Why not?" Hyukjae asks as he moves to sit down. "This is the place it all began, right? Might as well."

Ryeowook, for his part, only stares.

Hyukjae went up to a seat in the rear right quadrant of the lecture hall. Ryeowok's own, real seat is directly in front of where the other is sitting. That can't be a coincidence.

"Um, I'm guessing that's where you sit?" he asks as casually as possible.

"Huh? Oh! Haha, yeah. It's funny, I didn't even think of sitting anywhere else. My feet just automatically guided me here."

"So funny," Ryeowook squeaks out.

"Yeah, my friend in the class actually used to sit with me, but it became very apparent very quickly that we would never get anything done if we did, so he moved down there." Hyukjae points with his foot to Ryeowook's seat, and Ryeowook's breath hitches in his throat. "Sometimes when I'm bored, I just can't help but throw stuff onto his desk just to annoy him." Hyukjae mimes a free throw shot towards the desk and smiles.

Well, if there were any doubt before in Ryeowook's mind that Hyukjae was Poem Person, it has summarily been erased.

Ryeowook hums but says nothing else, letting a companionable silence stretch between them as he acknowledges the warmth that settles into his chest when he confirms with himself that yes, he is glad that Hyukjae is Poem Person.

"Why are you helping me?" he asks, curious and without judgement. The abrupt question startles the other out of whatever reverie he had settled into during their respite, but Hyukjae bounces back quickly, as he always does.

"You know, I had to figure that answer out myself," Hyukjae answers with a laugh. He leans back in his chair with his hands folded behind his head, staring out at the empty lecture hall. "I told you I would at first because it was obvious that I was the only one in a position to actually help. It wasn't even an option in my mind that I wouldn't… But even after my sense of obligation ran out, I wanted to keep going.

"You're cool, Ryeowook. You're fun to be around, you're sassy, you're down to try anything once. You're totally comfortable being yourself, and your 'self' is crazy. Like, who else trusts in their gut enough that this person you're chasing after is worth the effort? Who else would go to the lengths to which you're willing to go just to meet him? Honestly, I think that's pretty awesome. I don't know if I could have that same confidence you do."

He tilts his head towards Ryeowook then and gives a close-lipped, self-convinced smile. "If anyone's gonna find love based on a few scraps of paper and a dream, it's gonna be you."

Ryeowook nods mutely. He hopes the distance between them is enough to disguise the blush on his cheeks.

Hyukjae faces forward again. "If I think about it, I guess I'm being selfish, too. I want to believe a love like that is possible; and if I help you find him, I'll get to see it happen for myself… I really hope this guy is worth it, Ryeowook. I think it would break my heart as much as yours if he weren't."

He is, though. He's so worth it. "Me too."

~Longing is a beautiful pain I thought I could endure.~

Ryeowook walks out of the campus mail room, and life couldn't get better.

He just picked up a care package his mom sent him; he got a 94 on his last Nutrition Essentials quiz; and Hyukjae loves the new low-fat, protein-enhanced strawberry scones recipe he tried out yesterday.

Speaking of whom, he thinks this whole Poem Person plot is going to wrap up soon. The last time they must have actually worked on a strategy to find out who Poem Person was, like, two weeks ago at least; and Ryeowook's glad he can stop pretending he has any interest anymore.

Their friendship has wholly evolved beyond the point of needing a project to work on in order to spend time with each other anyway. Why pine after a fictitious man when he has a whole Hyukjae right there, who buys him coffee lattes simply because he's Hyukjae's dongsaeng and who helps him study for his quizzes even when Hyukjae himself is stressed.

Ryeowook tells himself that with some more time, the whole mystery will just fade into an inside joke between the two of them, a white whale they can reminisce about when they're sipping soju and reminiscing… preferably cuddled on a couch and with his head on Hyukaje's shoulder.

However, his friend group did not get the memo.

"So, uh. What happened to Poem Person?" Henry asks one weekend while everyone is at Ryeo-Mi's apartment.

"Shut up!" Kyuhyun admonishes with a slap to the back of Henry's head. "Ryeowook hasn't annoyed us with that in weeks. Aren't you grateful?!"

"I actually am very curious about what happened there. Weren't you and Hyukjae supposed to find him together?" Yesung asks.

"The gen—" "Maybe I'm manifesting, Mi! Ever think of that?"

Ryeowook cuts in before Mi's feelings get even more hurt. "Yeah, we were, but honestly I've kinda given up on the whole thing."

He expects some shock, but he couldn't have predicted who would be the most affected. "You're just gonna give up on finding love!?" Mi despairs.

"Actually, the potential for a romantic relationship was never confirmed," Henry quips. Yesung gives Henry a high-five.

"It was just a little crush," Ryeowook defends. "I've moved past it, as I was bound to do eventually." He says this last part to Kyuhyun, who he knows was the most annoyed with his actions back then.

"'Eventually' doesn't end in time for finals week, Wook," Kyuhyun retorts.

"Well, now you never have to worry about it, Hyun."

"Is love dead?" Mi desponds aloud, but no one pays him any mind.

Ryeowook pats his roommate's shoulders in a half-hearted attempt at consolation. If Mi turns out to be the only casualty in this whole ordeal, Ryeowook will count this as a win.

What he doesn't count on is the fact that Hyukjae would invariably hear about it.

"Is it true?" Hyukjae corners him after Ryeowook picks up his order from the on-campus cafe.

"You know, I don't think so. I think she's just Henry's accompanist for rehearsals," Ryeowook responds genuinely, certain that the latest gossip about Henry's potentially secret girlfriend is what Hyukjae must have been referring to.

"What? No!" Hyukjae stops in confusion but stomps after Ryeowook once he gets his bearings back. "No, I heard that you gave up on finding him, that you gave up a while ago. Is it true?"

Ryeowook hesitates to sit down at the open table he found, and Hyukjae's entire posture seizes in betrayal. "Alright, got it," Hyukjae says with an edge to his tone. "Do me a favour, yeah? Never talk to me ever again."

"Wait!" Ryeowook calls once Hyukjae turns on his heel and storms off. "Hyukjae, wait!" He pays no mind to the fact that he's abandoning his belongings as he chases Hyukjae outside. "I get that you're angry, but don't you think this is a little much?"

He reaches out for Hyukjae's upper arm, but the other immediately shrugs it off. Ryeowook flinches and retreats slightly. Despite the other's obvious fury, Hyukjae is stopped in place and seems willing to actually talk to him, and Ryeowook holds onto that hope instead.

"No, actually," Hyukjae sneers. "I think this is the perfect amount of much when you find out your best friend has been wasting your time for who knows how long!"

Of all the things Hyukjae could have said in that moment, Ryeowook didn't expect that reaction at all. It stings more than he expects, cuts through his defensiveness; and despite his position in the situation, he can't help but need comfort. "What do you mean?" he asks in a confused, desperate voice.

"What do I mean?" Hyukjae repeats exasperatedly. "Ryeowook, we spent weeks together trying to figure out how to get you your dream guy! We never even got anywhere, and, and… And it's all because of you! You shot down basically every one of my ideas practically from the beginning, even after I told you how much it would personally mean to me. That is, like, the textbook definition of a waste of time!"

"You weren't having fun?"

"What?" Hyukjae demands incredulously.

"All that time we spent together," Ryeowook clarifies as he steadfastly meets Hyukjae's angry gaze. "You didn't have fun?"

Hyukjae is silent, and his body posture screams obstinate defiance, but his eyes remain trained on Ryeowook.

"You didn't come to look forward to spending time with me? You didn't spend your free time thinking of ways to make me laugh?"

Hyukjae rolls his eyes. "So what? What does any of that mean when you were just stringing me along? You… you weren't even using me!?" he exclaims, voice rising in a hysterical question. "That was literally the whole basis of our friendship, and you couldn't even do that? Like, what could you have possibly gained from lying to my face like that for all this time?"

Ryeowook gives a watery smile at the non-answer and looks down at his fingers fidgeting together. "I did, too," he says in a voice so quiet it was like he intended to keep that to himself.

It's silent for a long time after that admission. Hyukjae's lividness has dissipated, and he is only left with a disappointment so painful he doesn't want to dwell on it any further. He moves to leave Ryeowook alone outside of the cafe, but Ryeowook's voice stops him.

"W-What did you say?" Hyukjae asks with apprehension.

Ryeowook ignores the tears falling from his eyes as he repeats himself. "I'm in a rush to catch you, but you're in a hurry to leave. Should I just surrender? Now we're like an old and worn notebook filled with scribbles."

Hyukjae simply stares, and Ryeowook takes that as his cue to keep going. "Take your beautiful smile with you. Don't leave it here. You saw me with tears in my eyes."

By heart,

"I was a selfish man, but my life is divided into before and after I knew you."

Ryeowook recites lyric,

"When I first saw you, it felt like a miracle."

after lyric,

"I'm thinking of you more today. I wonder how tomorrow morning will be. Will I miss you more than I do today?"

after lyric;

"I'm honest because I don't know lies before love."

and before he knows it,

"I'd place my feelings on the thawing snow. I'd hang my wish on a disappearing star, but only if you ask me to."

Hyukjae is within arm's reach.

"It's me?" Hyukjae whispers into the scant centimetres between them. "It's really me?" he asks again when Ryeowook had simply nodded.

Ryeowook can't even help it when he recites, "Even when you ask me again, for me, it's only you." with a breathy laugh as he shyly looks away.

Hyukjae moves to gently hold Ryeowook's hand. "And you're okay with that?"

Ryeowook wants to laugh and melt and cry and run away, but instead he settles for an earnest nod and a hesitant smile. "Are you?"

Hyukjae answers him with a kiss, and it feels like a dazzling melody.

~Together, we can make all our unfulfilled dreams come true.~

#super junior #super junior fanfiction #eunwook #eunhyuk #ryeowook #jaso*#iwrew

2 notes · View notes

ardenttheories · 4 years

Note

I super appreciate how willing you are to call out this shit with hs and this isn’t @ you but I feel like there isn’t much discussion with the writer’s team (especially kate’s) racism and how they act like the moral high point of stuff (ex: blaming tavros for getting abused) they they really don’t have any authority over

If I’m completely honest, I’ve taken to avoiding the writers like the plague. I’ve come to deeply dislike them both as writers and people, so I mostly go off information I’ve received from the fandom and their disappointments when it comes to writing my posts (which I do verify beforehand, of course).

However, I’m in no fucking way surprised by this. I’ve not seen any of the racism commentary (which I think we very much should talk about, frankly, and if you can think of any instances in specific, please send me links via the submit box), but I have seen the way they treat situations of abuse and victims of it.

You can see it fairly starkly in Pesterquest. Vriska, one of the most objectively abusive characters in the entirety of the original comic, is portrayed as a sad, confused girl, lonely, forced into a situation that she cannot control, one that she doesn’t like, one she wants to escape but has no idea how to.

It’s clear as hell that they want you to be sympathetic for her. In fact, it’s really easy to be. When you go through her route, it’s almost impossible not to be sympathetic for Vriska based on the way they wrote her.

But, Tavros? The victim of her abuse? The first thing Reader says is something along the lines of “But, Vriska? Dear sweet Vriska? You could never imagine her doing something like this - well, actually, you can”. And yet... our opinion of Vriska - that she’s a sympathetic character we should adore and who has only ever acted out of desperation - is meant to stay in tact. We’re not meant to dislike Vriska at any point in time, and we’re actively meant to help her ammend her relationships - which always comes down to “well, Vriska had it worse, so you should forgive her” (Terezi comes to mind here; her forgiving Vriska is very in character for her, to be sure, but it also feels like she dismisses so much of her own criticism and upsets towards Vriska in the process, as if... she was being pedantic the entire time?)

On top of that, if we look at the treatment of Jake in both the epilogues and HS2... oh, boy. He’s meant to be a beta cuck. You can just see that it’s lathered with that concept. For some reason, being forced into relationships you probably don’t want because of an addiction you might not be able to control, being turned into a sex object by two of your best friends who then both completely ignore your consent, the implications of him being sexually assaulted by Jane, his clear discomfort with her, the fact that he actively ran away from her - and yet, he’s still meant to go back and fix it because he’s “not being man enough”. Because escaping from your abuser isn’t good enough.

And that’s to say nothing about the fact that Jake’s had no presence in the Meat timeline after being brainfucked by Dirk. He’s likely suffered severe emotional trauma and psychological scarring from the fact that he was mindcontrolled into wholeheartedly loving someone he thought was his best friend, only to be cruelly dumped as some absolutely stupid (and OOC) form of revenge - and that’s it.

That’s all Jake is in the Meat timeline. Haha he gets denied look at him acting sooooo weird!!

He is reduced to this sort of... joke that we’re never really meant to think on more again. He suffered trauma and it’s just brushed aside because it’s not “plot relevant”? In both timelines?

I think... a lot of my issue with this therefore comes from the treatment of male abuse survivors. Again, Vriska is actually treated fairly well. Her trauma is handled with the utmost respect, and you’re actively encouraged to feel guilty for her, to want to see her get better, get help, to see her have something good in her life for once.

But, everyone else? Oh, well Tavros should have been stronger. Being permanently disabled is clearly an appropriate punishment for this! Jake’s just a beta cuck, his sexual, emotional, and physical abuse is no excuse for not going back to his highly abusive wife! And of course if we can’t get a joke out of him, we might as well not show him at all!

Even Eridan gets this treatment in Pesterquest. Even though he goes through the extact same revelations as Vriska - about gender, about his dad, about how he sees the world, about his own struggles with what he wants to be and what he thinks he should be based on the Alternian class system - it’s almost like he’s not good enough for redemption. Like he somehow missed the mark for being a sympathetic character despite the fact that he’s actively shown, in some ways, to be more open and understanding of himself and his views than Vriska. When Eridan is objectively the least bad of the two, considering his worst crimes are “lashed out at friends in self defence with an overpowered weapon he did not create, while grimdark”. He’s just reduced to “haha, man can’t get head out of ass to be big brain, deserve all bad thing in life”.

And, to go back to HS2 for Jade for a moment - remember how they reduced every complaint about how toxic she’s gotten, how questionably abusive and deeply unhealthy she is for her friends, to “well, the fandom doesn’t like her because she’s a woman of fucks”?

The writers have a very strict “women get a free pass for any abuses they cause, but men can never be forgiven and should be laughed at” mentality, which is deeply disturbing.

Give women the right to be strong characters, make them unlikeable, let them suffer trauma and lash out or make rash decisions because that’s what trauma can do to you, let them have unhealthy coping mechanisms, let them have redemptions - but don’t do so at the expensive of male abuse victims being seen as inferior and weak. Don’t do so at the expense of suggesting that men can’t be raped or can’t be abused by women. Don’t do so at the expense of saying “all men cannot be forgiven”.

What the fuck sort of mentality are you providing to your audience with that? How are your male fans meant to recognise that they can be vulnerable and can be open and can improve if you don’t let the characters they watch do the same?

It’s so frustrating because they can write sympathetic characters. They can show what abuse does to you, how people cope, how that can become unhealthy - everything we see with Vriska in Pesterquest is evidence of this. But it’s reserved wholly for her, and then they go so far as to blame victims for being abused so that she doesn’t have to take responsibility for her actions. So that she can’t take criticism.

God there’s just so fucking much wrong with it. Especially since, like, you’re right - they really have no authority to be saying any of this shit. If you don’t like the male characters, if you really couldn’t care for them less, that’s okay! You can focus on the women, build them up, make them detailed and developed, make them real - god knows we need that in media - but for the love of god don’t. Don’t shit on male abuse victims in the process.

#ardenttheories #homestuck^2 critical #homestuck critical #Anonymous

70 notes · View notes

suometar · 3 years

Note

Hi, weird anon here again :) Thank you so much for the kind words, you're really lovely :) And obviously I have more questions ;)

I think I get the sexual attraction now, thank you, although I have to say it still seems kinda fake ;P

In a way I can relate to the mental vs physical attraction, although neither makes me want to do anything sexual. There are some people I just find gorgeous and I like to look at them and that's it, and there are some that I'm interested in for some other reason and once I know them better I may also find them attractive. Like for example Tom - I'd seen him (and Loki) around on my dash many times and never looked twice at him until I watched the Avengers and Loki turned out to be so fascinating. And that's actually how 99% of my celebrity crushes happened lol, I fell for the characters first, actors second.

So, would you say that this mental thing could be like romantic attraction? The kind that makes you want to know the person better but not jump into bed with them right away? I can imagine how it works regarding a specific person, I've read enough fanfiction for that, but how the heck do I determine which gender in general am I romantically attracted to? I can find both men and women beautiful but that alone is not attraction, right? Do other people even differentiate the two or do the sexual and romantic attraction go neatly together?

Hi!

Worry not, you're not weird at all here in my blog! I'm anything but normal myself 😄 Besides, normal is way overrated imo!

And thank you 🙂 I'm always kind to everyone who's being nice at me - what goes around comes around.

Haha, you just have to trust me on that sexual attraction is a very real thing 😂

Same goes for me too with celeb crushes, it's always the role/music/work first, then the person behind it. Well, that's probably kinda obvious, we wouldn't know them otherwise at all.

I think romantic attraction is a good term for the mental attraction I mentioned. Yes, it is exactly like that, wanting to get to know the person better first before getting into more intimate interactions. But it doesn't always evolve into sexual attraction either. You just might find the person interesting on mental level and rather have a friendship with them than anything else. Sometimes it's unfortunately the only option you have too - and sometimes it's a mutual decision even though you both are sexually attracted to each other. I have a bittersweet experience on the later.

No, just finding someone beautiful isn't actual attraction in my opinion. I can for example clearly see that Chris Evans is gorgeous but that's it. He doesn't ring any of my bells. At all. Or basically any female celebs either. Nothing happens when I see them even though I see many of them as being beautiful.

I think most people do differentiate the two, or at least they should know the difference. It's then again another thing if they can tell the difference or if they have the self-awareness to recognise which one they're feeling. Because those two can be tricky to tell apart if you lack that. Especially bc we're usually wired on the sexual way first and it overrides the mental attraction at least in the beginning.

Feeling sexual attraction does make it easier to figure out what gender you prefer.

Then again as I'm bisexual and have always been I honestly don't know how that really works with people who have a preference on gender. While I can differentiate the ways I'm attracted to men and women very distinctively, in real life, with real flesh and blood people, gender doesn't really play a significant role to me when it comes to attraction. It's one thing to get attracted to a bypasser but when I'm serious about any relationship I always get to know the person first and then if I get attracted to them, it's because who they are, what they think, what they value and so on. I'm always drawn in by the brain, so I'm clearly a sapiosexual as well :D Gender is only a part of the equation to me and not a very important one at that.

What I then project online is exactly bc of the sexual attraction I have towards men, so I might appear not bi. But as usual, what you see online about someone isn't everything.

I could imagine that if you had a preference you'd find an idea of having sexual relations with the other gender(s) somewhat uncomfortable maybe? Like for example to a hetero man even the idea of having a sexual relationship with another man wouldn't definitely feel good at all, it would be repulsive in fact, and that then clearly underlines what their preference is.

That said, I get it that if you're indeed asexual there's not even that to help you.

Maybe you have already thought of these but to me two questions come to mind that might help at least to some extent:

Do you find it uncomfortable thought if you didn't have a specific preference on the gender of the person you're attracted to? And is gender or the looks in fact at all a reason for you being attracted to someone? That it might be totally something else instead, like who that person is as a human being?

I don't think that sexual attraction is at all required at first, as I experience it that way irl. That maybe it's just that you don't feel attraction by looks at all and you too get attracted by the mental side. Which could explain that you see and recognise beautiful people but don't get attracted to them.

Obviously, these are just my views based on what you've told me, so don't take it as the ultimate truth 🙂

Like I said, to me it has always been clear what my orientation is and I'm not familiar with really figuring out this particular thing. But I'm always in for helping others figure it out the best I can! I have gone through extensive self-exploration but that has been to work through childhood trauma and grow away from that which is probably a bit different - but I do know what it's like figuring out stuff for sure.

#answered #nonny asks #anonymous

1 note · View note

sunbellylou · 3 years

Text

ask for writers !!

thank you @tomlinvelvetfics for tagging me! and thank you @soldouthaz for making this tag!

1. describe how you first started writing and when you first posted: i’ve been writing for years now, i started with het (ew!) 1d fics in portuguese back in 2011, it was actually those little imagines we used to write, don’t know if anyone remembers hehe. i posted them on a facebook page i was part of and i remember the first thingy i wrote was something with niall, but i really don’t remember any details (but was probably bad as heck since i was 11).

my first larry fic i probably wrote around 2012 when i found out the gay fanfics world haha, i don’t remember what it was or anything tbh, in my head i always wrote and posted gay fanfic.

my first fanfic in english was a little one shot (like 400 words honestly), it was a translation of a previous work i wrote portuguese. i posted it a year and a half ago and it’s called playground love (please don’t look).

2. which of your characters do you typically resonate most closely with? do you base any characters off of yourself?: i usually write from harry’s pov because i love love l o v e describing louis and how angelic he is, so usually i tend to see louis as this ethereal ish character, cause it’s usually about harry falling in love with him. so whether i like it or no, i tend to be closer to harry’s characters in my fics, i always like to put a bit of myself on him and make the character real, you know?

3. where do you often find inspiration?: honestly? anything! i’ve written fics inspired by tumblr posts, tweets, pictures, songs, movies, things that happened in my real life, books. i literally wrote a pwp because i couldn’t stop thinking about leather pants (go read my robin hood au).

4. has quarantine helped or hindered your writing process?: in the beginning it was really helping me, i’d stay up till 4am everyday just writing like crazy, but then i got into the worst writer’s block and didn’t write shit for months. (and of course right when i started getting new ideas, i started working so i have no free time).

5. do you listen to music/noise while you write or do you prefer silence? always listen to music, all the time. i can’t do anything without music. mostly because my brain is a mess and music helps me concentrate. i usually go for some chill songs, some indie pop and stuff.

6. what is your biggest writing pet peeve in your writing or in general?: oh my god, when i’m writing and two or more paragraphs start with the same word, one after the other. it drives me crazy!!!! and sometimes i spend hours looking for ways to word differently the sentences, just so i don’t have two paragraphs starting with “the”.

also when my paragraphs are two (or one) lines long, i can’t! it has to have three or more lines.

7. describe your ideal writing setup: at the dining table, in the middle of the night, with some soft music playing in the background and some popcorn with me!

8. favorite time of day to write?: well, just said it hehe i like writing at night.

9. favorite genre to write + one you’d like to try writing in the future?: woah, that’s tough because i literally write any genres! i really love writing fantasy and horror stuff, but i feel like it’s not really well accepted in the fandom? (spec horror). and when people like it, they only read from bigger authors so i usually keep myself from writing those. aaand tbh i probably already wrote most of fic genres out there, so there isn’t much left to try.

10. do you struggle with writer’s block? how do you typically overcome it? i’m writer’s block bitch and i do not know how to overcome her

11. what is the easiest part of your writing process and the most difficult? outlining tbh, i usually don’t (and it comes back to kick me in the ass). i always have too many ideas at the same time and can’t stick to one, so outlining and finding the right plot is really hard.

12. how do you come up with original characters? (if applicable): lately i haven’t really had the chance to come up with ocs, but when i wrote original books (not fanfics and stuff), i usually started with the gender and one outstanding personality trait and went from there.

13. what is your favorite and least favorite word? i love the words ethereal and breeze, omg you’ll find them A LOT on my fics. and my least favorite word is growl.

14. what is one thing about your writing that you’re really proud of and one thing you hope to continue working at?: i think i describe the vibez in the scene really well, it’s my favorite thing to do. and i need to work more on building my sentences, because theyre always supermessy.

15. what work of yours has your favorite ‘verse/world building? how did you come up with it?: definitely the fic i’m working on right now! i’m putting so much work on the world building since it’s a fantasy fic, so i’m planning every little detail about it. i hope other people like it too when they read it !!

16. what font and size do you write in? single spaced or double?: comic sans, 12pt, single spaced. don’t come at me.

17. what is a typo(s) you find yourself making consistently?: because english isn’t my first language, i always change like ‘th’ for ‘d’ (because it has a similar sound in portuguese), so catch me typing ‘de’ instead of ‘the’ or ‘dey’ instead of ‘they’.

18. (if applicable) do you separate fic writing from fandom?: i didn’t understand the question so i’m pretending i never read it hehe

19. what emotion is your favorite to write? which is the most difficult?: my favorite to write is probably,,, love/adoration, like harry looking at louis like he’s the whole world and thinking about how amazing he is? i love it.

and the most difficult is probably anger, i find it really hard to write like fights and stuff like that because usually i make the characters sound more sad than angry.

20. what is one thing you hope readers always take away from your works?: i never thought about that but,,, i hope they start finding joy in small things that happen in their day. that’s something i use a lot in my fics and i think it’s very important to bring it to real life. like enjoy that late night tea, showering in the morning, spending a summer day in the house, cleaning, etc.

21. what is the best and worst writing advice you’ve ever received?: i think the best advice is one i got from someone i no longer talk to, they told me this when i first started writing in english and it is to stop trying to write fancy or like native english speakers, because it’s much better to write simple sentences that i’m confident about than write sentences with words i barely know how to use.

and the worst advice is TO OUTLINE! i know i should maybe i dont know but leave me alone, i hate outlining bye

22. which one of your works would you most want to see turned into a film/television show?: ok so,,, it’s a book i wrote like three years ago with original characters. it’s called great evil and i wrote it in portuguese. it’s full of violence and acid humor, about a very evil and sarcastic demon and an angry hunter. (one day i’ll translate that book and turn it into a larry fic)

23. do you write scenes chronologically or out of order?: chronologically. always

24. how do you handle criticism?: really bad. please be careful with what words you use. i’m already really hard on myself when it comes to my writing, so sometimes someone says something and (it might be dramatic but) i feel my world crumbling and i want to stop writing right away.

25. what is the advice you would give to someone who is looking to start writing?: just,,, do it. there’s no right or wrong way to do it. there’s no such thing as too much or too little, bad or good plots. every idea is a good idea. write it for yourself, write something you like. go ahead and just do it. there’s always someone out there who will enjoy your work, no matter what.

26. what kind of feedback on your work always makes your day?: any comments make my day tbh, if you comment on my fic i’ll be forever grateful and will be smiling like a fool the whole day. honestly, even a “omg i loved it” comment can make my day.

27. which fic ‘verse of your own would you most like to exist in? which fic’s characters would you most like to befriend?: the one i’m writing 100%, please i want to live in a fantasy world. i wanna live in the water kingdom and have faerie louis as my king please.

and i’d like to befriend louis from my fic kiss me in your chevrolet, he’s a sweetheart and i must protecc.

28. what do you always enjoy getting asks about/wish people would ask about more?: anything! i rarely get asks so anything is good hehe

29. what has writing added to your life? how has it changed you?: it’s such a big part of my life, i spent all my teenage years writing and it really is what built my personality. it helped me being more creative with all aspects of my life and take life lightly, enjoy little things and moments.

30. why do you write?: i just love having ideas and putting out there, playing with words and finding new ways to describe daily things.

boost yourself + tags!

1a. share the last sentence you wrote:

The path through the dense forest, covered in slippery rocks and burning trees is already difficult enough, but it becomes ten times worse when you’re being pestered by small, demonic creatures.

2a. describe the wip you’re most excited about:

i’m honestly only working on one fic right now and i’m super duper excited about it

3a. share the piece of dialogue from one of your works you’re most proud of:

"I mean, I still don't plan on watching Star Wars, so…"

The boy groans playfully, throwing his head back and Louis' eyes are suddenly really interested in the column of the guy's throat.

"Americans really have no culture." He shoulders Louis slightly, warmth spreading through Louis' dainty shoulder and making him trip to the side lightly. With a faux outraged scoff, Louis waves a dismissing hand.

“What do British people know about culture? All you do is drink tea and talk about the weather all day,” Louis teases with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. “Also, Star Wars is American, just so you know.” He rolled his eyes playfully, feeling surprisingly comfortable in his presence.

Skater Boy sighs comically, shaking his head, his wavy locks falling gracefully on the sides of his face and Louis can’t stop thinking about how soft his hair must be.

“You got me there.”

not posted but i kinda like it (i’m not really good with dialogues, so it was really hard to find one lmao)

4a. share the best first and last lines from your work(s): I will do only those that are already published:

best first lines are from a halloween fic i never finished:

Louis’ blue eyes snap open. His heart pounds fast inside his rib cage, making something as easy as breathing almost impossible. Sweat drenches his body and he feels like drowning. He feels too awake and wary as his breathing calms down, as well as his grips on the sheets under him loosen.

best last lines are from my 2019 BLFF there’s more than one place to call home:

Their life was utter chaos, and they were definitely complete opposites, and sometimes Harry wished Louis would just shut the hell up, but at the same time, Harry wouldn’t change a single thing about his life, because he had Louis, and that was all that mattered to him.

5a. link the last fic you read: it was the devil's in the details by @raspberryoatss

6a. link the last work you published: you could take a lick (but it’s too cold to bite me)

7a. link to your ao3 (if applicable): cinnamons

8a. someone that inspires you: louis hehe

9a. a comfort fic/work that you’ve been grateful for this year: tbh i don’t read a lot of fics, but there’s this work a friend of mine wrote. it was in portuguese and she ended up deleting it but it’s amazing.

10a. other writers that you’d like to tag! @bottomlwt @raspberryoatss

8 notes · View notes

trensu · 4 years

Text

Episode 28: The One where LXC Loses his Title as Greatest Wingman

THAT’S RIGHT GUYS

WE’RE HERE

THE ONE THAT HOLDS ONE OF THE MOST PRECIOUS, CLASSIC WANGXIAN SCENES IN THE WHOLE SHOW

THE SCENE THAT JUST BURSTS WITH WANGXIAN DOMESTICITY AND WE DIE FROM THE SHEER FLUFFINESS OF IT ALL

Shockingly this VERY IMPORTANT wangxian moment doesn’t start until the 34min mark.

So we’re gonna power through those first 34min to get to the parts that actually matter

We’re still at the burial mounds

Emotional Yungmeng Bro Drama happens

It’s very upsetting

There’s a lot of feelings everywhere.

I can’t defend you if you keep this path, jc protests

You can’t defend me? Then Leave me, wwx says, tell the world i defected, he says, my actions are no longer associated with the jiang clan he says

WHO KNEW BROTHERLY LOVE COULD BE SO PAINFUL, AMIRITE GUYS? HAHA *CHOKES BACK SOBS*

LET’S SKIP AHEAD!

Jc’s gone, maybe it’ll get better now??

A-YUAN TIME!!

Oh no, little a-yuan is hungry!!

Wen qing gives him the last of the fruit because a-yuan activated her Good Big Sister instincts

Ah, look at his happy face as he takes the fruit!

The wwx shows up with MORE fruit and a-yuan does the leg-grabby thing!!

ADORABLE

Great, now we get Emotional WWX and WQ Bonding Time

SHE TRIES TO GIVE HIM AN OUT

SHE TRIES TO GET HIM BACK TO HIS FAMILY

Wwx is not having it so instead he acts all charming and teases her until the matter is dropped

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

Other stuff happens, boring boring boring

Moving forward

Yunmeng bro fight scene!

The first half was pretty neat and then they did a bunch of funky flying moves that had me like, why, why must you do this, please stop and give me wangxiantics instead

They did not stop

But they did do some wonderful Twirling, so I guess i can forgive them a little

Oh, sadface, a paperman gets viciously slaughtered by jc

(@theuntamednarrator pointed out that this fight scene PARALLELS a future fight scene on a moonlit rooftop THAT WE’RE NOT GONNA THINK ABOUT BECAUSE IT MAKES ME SAD)

Wwx, at some point in this fight is all: oh look, i’ve been impaled

(what’s a little light stabbing between siblings, amirite?)

More stuff happens that we don’t care about

But we’ll take a moment to laugh at wwx here

Wwx is like, imma hide this gaping stab wound from the world’s greatest doctor by distracting her with potatoes

It doesn’t quite work bc wen qing immediately makes a grab for him

Wwx is scandalized!

Wwx: Men and women shouldn’t be improperly intimate!!

Wwx: you suddenly doing this makes me scared for my virtue which i’m obviously saving for lan zhan!

She backs off for half a second; then wwx winces but he recovers quickly by being all i’m totally fine, look at how fine i am, i’m flinching because of HUNGER PAINS, NOTHING ELSE

If he weren't so charming and adorable none of this would've worked

Other non-wangxian nonsense occurs

Some more non-wangxian stuff

A scene featuring Disaster Het Jin Zixuan and our Perfect Elder Sister Jiang Yanli

Jzx is all, i know carp tower isn’t your home but i’m willing to build another lotus pier here for you

...ugh, fine, okay, maybe you’ve grown on me a little by now, you huge Disaster Het BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU’RE MAKING JYL HAPPY, YOU HEAR ME?? ALL BETS ARE OFF IF YOU MAKE HER CRY AGAIN

We’ve made it through the 34 minutes!!

GET READY GUYS

We’re at a tea house in Yiling! There’s lots of people! AND THEY’RE ALL TRASH-TALKING MY BEAUTIFUL SUNSHINE BOY WTF

But hey, look in the background is lwj, (angrily) listening to people trash-talk our sunshine boy.

God, he sits so straight, it looks almost painful

I mean, in terms of posture

We know he’s not straight in any other way lol

The only time we get full body shots of him in this scene is when he’s blurred and out of focus in the background, which is interesting

When he’s at the forefront of the scene, it’s all close-ups of his (angry) face

But even with the close ups, we only see parts of his face. One half of his face at a time, close-ups on the eyes (or one eye) specifically at times

It’s not until the end of that teahouse scene that we get to see a full shot of him and that’s only when he’s had Enough of people slandering his soulmate and slams his (poor innocent) tea cup onto the table and (viciously) glares at the gossipers

He leaves the teahouse (angrily)

Lwj is (angrily) walking through the marketplace

He walks past some random lady and the lady turns the hell around so fast and BLATANTLY CHECKS HIM OUT, oh god, that’s HILARIOUS

(you are not alone in this, lady, YOU ARE NOT ALONE)

Then, we have one of the best tropes of all, ACCIDENTAL CHILD ACQUISITION

THERE IS A CHILD CLINGING TO HIS LEG

IT’S A-YUAN

A-YUAN HAS SURGICALLY ATTACHED HIMSELF TO LWJ

WE ALL LOVE HIM FOR IT

Wwx does not notice his child is missing bc he is haggling, which is important but maybe not as important as missing a child.

Omg the look of panic on his face when he finally realizes a-yuan is gone gutted me for half a second.

REALIZING YOU’VE LOST A CHILD IN A CROWDED PLACE IS THE WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD, OKAY

But i get over this quickly bc WWX FINDS A-YUAN CLINGING TO LWJ’S LEG.

GUYS

THIS SCENE

THIS SCENE MAKES ME SO HAPPY

IT’S MADE OF RAINBOWS AND BUTTERFLIES AND ITTY BITTY KITTIES

Okay, let's break it down because there’s JUST SO MUCH GOOD STUFF HERE WE NEED TO PROPERLY APPRECIATE ALL OF IT

FIRSTLY, lwj’s face.

There is a loudly crying child clinging to his leg

He is surrounded by nosy talkative strangers (PARENT strangers!!) all Judging™ him for his (lack of) parenting skills

And lwj’s face is about as External Panic as lwj can make it bc our boy is FREAKING OUT

THERE IS A CRYING CHILD

LATCHED ON TO HIS LEG

STRANGERS ARE ASSUMING HE’S THE FATHER

BUT HE ISN’T

THEY DON’T LISTEN WHEN HE TELLS THEM HE ISN’T

THEY SAY THEY HAVE THE SAME NOSE?? THEY SAY HE RESEMBLES THIS STRANGE UNKNOWN CRYING CHILD SOMEHOW??

AND WORSE STILL, THEY’RE SAYING HE’S A BAD FATHER

THEY’RE ALL LIKE, OH LOOK HE SCOLDED HIS POOR KID AND NOW WON’T EVEN HUG HIS KID TO MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER??

HIS FACE, OMG

HIS FACE SCREAMS: DEAR GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP

LWJ IS DYING INSIDE

AND HE KIND OF WANTS TO DIE OUTSIDE

(There’s one guy who kinda takes pity on him and was like, ah, he’s your first kid, huh? I was like that with MY first kid but now i know everything after my wife gave a few more births. It’s a learning process!)

And ohoho, boy, does lwj learn (later, after horrible horrible things happen)

Secondly, WWX IS HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE WATCHING ALL OF THIS UNFOLD BEFORE HIM

HIS SMILE IS HEART-STOPPINGLY BEAUTIFUL

HE’S STIFLING GIGGLES

IT’S SO CUTE I WANNA DIE

Finally, wwx takes pity on poor lan zhan

I would like to point out that he takes pity on lan zhan only after the crowd of Judgy Parents start asking A-Yuan where his mother is

And like, i don’t want to fall into the pit of heteronormativity and stereotypical gender roles, BUT THAT’S HILARIOUS

Wwx: Lan zhan!

Lwj looks up and the world fades away when he sees wwx, with his cute little smile, making his way towards him in slo-mo

Like, literally slow motion and literally the world fades away until basically only wwx is in focus, THIS IS HOW LWJ SEES WWX ALL THE TIME, OMG IT’S AMAZING

AND OF COURSE ~THEIR SONG~ IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND

I’M SCREAMING, EVERYTHING IS GREAT

LWJ STARES AT HIM WITH SUCH YEARNING

And even when they’re right in front of each other, they KEEP STARING AT EACH OTHER, SOAKING UP EACH OTHER’S PRESENCE

WHICH I LOVE, but also there’s a crying child right there maybe take care of him??

Wwx: lan zhan, what a coincidence! What are you doing i yiling?

WHAT DO YOU THINK HE’S DOING IN YILING, WWX

IT’S NOT LIKE HIS SOULMATE LIVES AROUND THAT AREA OR ANYTHING

Lwj: night hunt. Passing by.

Short and sweet and to the point

I’m convinced it’s because his brain has short-circuited from the double whammy of Accidental Child Acquisition and OMG My Beautiful Soulmate is With Me and Smiling

Lwj: ....this child

Wwx: ah, yes, this is MY son

I read a post on tumblr that says the actual translation of that line was more like “ah, yes, i gave birth to this child”

Which would explain lwj’s absolutely stunned and confused expression

I mean, the fact that he doesn’t immediately dismiss this as the nonsense that it is, is absolutely HILARIOUS to me

Like, for a split second there he honestly believed wwx??

He must’ve been like, wait, is this a side effect of demonic cultivation??!?!?

That doesn’t sound right but i don’t know enough about demonic cultivation to dispute it

But then wwx starts giggling at him which gives away the game

Wwx: hey, lan zhan, what did you do? Why is a-yuan crying?

Lwj: I didn’t do anything

Wwx: ah, i see what happened. Lan zhan, as pretty as you look, you still have resting bitch face.

(no for real, wwx called him pretty, i died a little when i heard him say it and i’m pretty sure lwj did too)

Wwx: a-yuan doesn’t know any better so of course he’d look at you and start crying!!

Lwj stares at a-yuan (who is now clinging adorably to wwx) and you can see in his face that his New Life Mission is to get A-Yuan to Like Him.

It is IMPERATIVE that this small child Like Him. Not for any particular reason, of course. But this Must happen.

Even if it means having to go to an Ancient Fantasy China plastic surgeon to get his resting bitch face problem resolved

THANK GOD WE DON’T HAVE TO RESORT TO THAT

Wwx kneels down to comfort a-yuan and lwj watches him interact with this small child and VISIBLY SWALLOWS before looking away

Like it was too much cute to handle

Like oh shit, i want wwx’s children

Like oh shit, i want to be a dad???

GUYS WE SEE THE EXACT MOMENT LWJ REALIZES HE WANTS KIDS

THANK YOU WORLD FOR BLESSING US WITH THIS MOMENT

Okay, quiz time!

How do we make a small child stop crying?

Answer - Distraction!

What is the best distraction for a small child?

Answer - TOYS

Wwx pulls a-yuan to a toy stall

The music here gets all upbeat and playful. (In fact, it’s the same music that played in the ‘flower petals rain on LWJ’ scene in The One where NHS is Total Cockblock omg i just had to reference my own guide to make sure that was the right episode lol this is exactly why i’m making this). I love this music!!

So they admire the toys and wwx picks up one of them and is like, do you like this one?

A-yuan of course says yes bc all kids love toys

Then wwx is like, cool, and proceeds to drag a-yuan away from the toy stall without the toy

SAD FACE A-YUAN :(

Lwj sees Sad Face A-Yuan and does the Lan Clan version of running (aka lengthening his strides and quickening his steps slightly)

Lwj: wei ying, why didn’t you buy it for him?

Dude, he sounds almost accusatory here, it’s GREAT

Wwx: ??? why should I???

Lwj: you asked him if he wanted it, doesn’t that mean you’re going to buy it?

Wwx: asking is asking, buying is buying. Who says i have to buy something just because i asked about it?

Wwx, lwj has a point tho. It’s kinda mean to lead a kid on like that

And here lwj sounds all hesitant (and shy?? maybe??) like he doesn’t want to scare a-yuan again. He looks at him briefly

Lwj: which one...do you want.

Then when a-yuan doesn’t immediately burst into tears, he speaks more confidently.

Lwj: among those, which one did you want?

And a-yuan points to the toy he wants with all the confidence small children have when they know they’re about to get exactly what they want

Omg, lwj looks at wwx as soon as he sees which toy a-yuan wants

It’s a look that says I’M GETTING THIS CHILD A TOY AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME

And wwx just beams at him like a ray of sunshine!! HE’S MELTING INSIDE, YOU CAN TELL

HE’S ALL LIKE, OMG LAN ZHAN IS SO SWEET WITH CHILDREN

OMG LAN ZHAN WOULD BE A GREAT DAD

OMG I WANT LAN ZHAN TO CO-DAD A-YUAN WITH ME

Cut to a-yuan gleefully playing with his new toys

He and wwx are play fighting with cute little wooden swords and it’s SO ADORABLE I’M GONNA DIE

And lwj watches them for moment with the FONDEST LOOK ON HIS FACE

A-yuan notices that lwj is there again and immediately ditches wwx to cling to lwj’s leg

Smart, kid, smart

Butter up the rich guy who makes wwx smile

Wwx laughs: lan zhan, congrats! My kid likes you! He only hugs the legs of his favorite people and then never lets go

Lwj: *internally probably* i wish YOU’D hug me and never let me go

Also

YES! LIFE MISSION COMPLETE. WWX’S CHILD LIKES ME

Wwx: you should ditch your night hunt and have a meal with me

Lwj: a meal?

Lwj: *internally probably* OMG DID HE JUST ASK ME OUT ON A DATE?? AND HE CALLED ME PRETTY EARLIER??? TODAY IS THE BEST DAY

He then pretends to hesitate bc YOU GOTTA PLAY IT COOL

CAN’T CLUE HIM IN ON HOW DESPERATELY YOU WANT TO KEEP HIM WITH YOU FOREVER

BE COOL, LWJ, BE COOL, BE COOL

Wwx: c’mon, we hardly see each other! We can reminisce about the old days! It’ll be my treat~!

Wwx what, YOU HAVE NO MONEY WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING

Wwx grabs lwj’s arm and drags him away

Lwj’s brain rn: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But they run off WITHOUT A-YUAN??

Good thing a-yuan is quick on his feet, god damn

AND THAT’S THE END OF ONE OF THE BESTEST EPISODES OF THE SHOW

GOD I NEEDED THIS AFTER THE HELLSCAPE OF LAST EPISODE WHERE EVERYONE MADE ME ANGRY

And lets give a round of applause to our precious adorable A-Yuan who somehow managed to latch on to the one person in the entire town that is completely head over heels in love with wwx and who wwx has been pining for since their sad separation in the rain.

FOUR FOR YOU, A-YUAN. YOU GO, A-YUAN!!

Return to Masterpost

#WangXiantics #wangxian #the untamed #cql

85 notes · View notes

dahniwitchoflight · 4 years

Text

Homesquared Chapter 2

Ohh the part where we get to see the Kids rendered! Id seen panels here and there of these three but now I get to see them see them :D

Vrissy lol cute

LOVING that symbolism of shedding the brackets like a snake sheds its skin, renewal of the ouroborous what is canon becomes non canon what is non canon becomes canon again

Also implying that over time like a snakeskin, Canon will just always degrade to being Non Canon, until its unceremoniously shaken off all at once and becomes Canon but Different each time

Man baby Tavros is just like, exactly like a baby Jake, is he gonna get nicknamed too? or not a problem since Troll Tavros isnt around anyway?

Actually, related: Names being associated with Heart should have been obvious all this time as Unique Identifiers seperating seperate people and identities like the walls between Souls, but it’s nice to have that sorta made explicitly clear, can probably add Names next to Heart’s symbols like Hats

and from that, People sharing the same unique identifier, like all Dirk’s simply being called Dirk, is probably referencing that they are all each part of the Hive-MIND of the being called Dirk

I do remember that once in Homestuck Brain Ghost Dirk was labeled as the full title, even when him and real Dirk never interacted, but now here he is just simply Dirk.

Aww, Tavros speaks in Gamzee purple ): That hurts my soul, that Gamzee would have affected his own self so deeply

Good on ya though Tavros for beating the shit out of his dead body, I’d have done the same

On the next note eyy here’s that bucktoothed child that somehow also encapuslates the rule of every strider being attractive-looking, Harry!

His design is genuinely cute! And maybe a bucktoothed nod to how Roxy may have ended up looking in a timeline where they decided Male was a gender they wanted

Now that I’ve been introduced to all three of the Kids I’m definitely gonna keep my eyes on any classpect stuff for them, which may or may not be relevant ever at some point in this comic maybe? Cuz like, Dirk and Terezi and Rosebot are all up to starting another session and Homesquared so far feels very like the “Journey of the Second Generation” and we just know theres bound to be sburb stuff happening sometime

With the main juicy tidbit being, are their classpects just gonna be mixes of their parents? Unique to them but also with the influence of the parentage, or are they gonna be entirely different?

Like, Harry just from first impression I can definitely see as being a Rogue of Breath, it’s fitting so far

Tavros then could either be a Maid of Hope or a Page of Life, tho I’m HEAVY leaning towards Maid of Hope seeing as that progression would be “relying on others at first for their hope, then learning to create hope for themselves” versus Page of Life being someone incompetently acting out confidence and authority until they gain a truer understanding of it and become rulers in their own right

First impressions fit that very nicely

Vrissy I think genetically is actually meant to be like, Vriska’s true descendant? I think? Like how Aranea was to Vriska, they have that looking up to the other and modeling after their behaviors as a role model dynamic going on, so in all likelihood Vrissy is at least a Light player, but I guess in the troll’s case the class is more up to the individual in question, but Vrissy will no doubt be trying to act out her own Class through seeing the comparisons in Vriska’s Behaviour, same as Vriska Molded her image of Her Ancestor as Thief-like growing up despite Aranea actually being a Sylph, so we may get more clues to Vrissy’s class by seeing how Vrissy idolizes and embellishes what traits she sees in Vriska, so far, she seems to be focusing on how Vriska kills bad people and is straight to the point about it, so nothing really yet. Vrissy seems to be really acting confident around Vriska, but not sure if that’s because she doesn’t really think Vriska is all that cool, or she does and is trying to impress her (The latter being very Vriska behaviour lol)

“ VRISKA: If you want to keep Hanging Out, I mean. Which I assume you Do. “ comes to mind, so definitely think this is Vrissy’s behavioural attempt at wanting in with the Cool People. Try to clarify that she is wanted from the people she values without coming off as wanting to want it haha

Overall she is definitely quite confident and is very open with what she knows and what she doesn’t, suggesting perhaps a Page-y behaviour? we’ll see

it would be like, a perfect little mirror for Vriska to see a younger healthier more stable version of herself literally acting and being like the thing she used to hate and torment herself and others about

so yeah, intital classpect thoughts, really liking these so far:

Tavros: Maid of Hope

Harry: Rogue of Breath

Vrissy: Page of Light

Damn Vriska is gonna get so much emotional trauma whiplash from all the normalcy on Earth C “What do you mean they dont have incinerators at school? where do they put all the viciously murdered bodies??”

“There is something incredibly reassuring, Tavros thinks, about someone who has absolute outward confidence in themselves. The soothing lull of following a simple direction is so overpowering it blots out the logical part of him that knows this is, perhaps, the most outlandishly stupid succession of decisions he has ever made. “

Yeah it is pretty comfortable behavior for a Maid class that isn’t confident to be more confident being led by someone, then again that is also pretty normal behavior for someone who has been abused like Tavros has been.

Hmmm, We get into the nitty gritty of what trauma might do to a person’s classpect as well, assuming the system is more nurture based than predestined nature based. I still lean towards it being predestined nature based, you were always going to be who you ended up being etc Homestuck is just like that after all where Nurture is valued and is absolutely an influence, but with Nature being tied up in timelines and predestination, its just sort of already taking Nurture into account when it’s basing on Nature, Nurture is just inherently a part of Nature already and etc

Imode, Silas and Avril are all 5 letter names, wonder if theres any significance to that? I’m reminded of 5 being a number that pops up in Hiveswap a lot, wonder if it just means “Normal Human bullcrap” in symbolism terms

“JANE: Oh, Tavros, no!

JANE: He wouldn’t--

JANE: Tavros loves his Gamzee! Those rebels must have captured my sweet baby and corrupted his mind.

JANE: My family! My entire family!

JANE: This cannot go unavenged.“

good old Jane, man she is just gone full tilt into only valuing her own perspective of things, her own wants and needs and expectations and the fact that she doesn’t even have a hint of what Tavros’s real situation is like, and she’s already set up to disbelieve any attempt at reconciliation with him

“I’m not bad/evil, it’s everyone else that’s out to get me and my family, even my own family is out to get me.”

hah lol ending on Harry’s “o shit” is great

#Homesquared #Harry Anderson #Tavros Crocker #Vrissy Lalonde #Homestuck

55 notes · View notes

lunatens · 5 years

Text

mario kart

word count: 1937

genre: sO MUCH fluff

pairing: hwang hyunjin x gender neutral reader

summary: best friends to lovers through the power of mario kart

a/n: okay so if y’all haven’t noticed i’m in a bit of a skz mood recently lol and I've been feeling especially soft about hyunjin recently like ugH I love him anyways please enjoy this v fluffy thing I was so soft while writing it. hopefully it makes up for me not posting too much the last few days/next few days!! <3 also im kinda proud of this so pls give it love

song rec: fireproof - one direction

you: [mario kart, pizza and movie night at my house in 10'?]

you send a text to your bestfriend (and neighbour) hwang hyunjin, hoping he'll be able to make you feel better. your other friend, felix, just texted to last minute cancel your plans to go to the movies (apparently this boy he just met, changbin, is more important than you) so you find yourself annoyed and alone on this friday night. normally you'd just hang out by yourself and watch netflix or something, but you're actually in the mood to socialize tonight. you've changed out of the cute outfit you had planned into your favourite pair of sweat pants and a random hoodie you just grabbed off the floor. you're now lying sprawled on your bed staring at your phone screen and waiting for hyunjin's response, which doesn't take long.

hyunjin: [ya of course. loser buys the pizza!!]

hyunjin: [is everything ok? what happened to ur plans with felix?]

you: [don't worry about it, just come over. bring blankets!!]

you close your eyes, mentally preparing to get up from your bed. a loud knock sounds from your front door, and you groan and roll off your bed. you open the door to a smiling hyunjin, clutching an armful of blankets.

"you know, you can just come in; you don't have to knock."

"i know, but i like making you get up to open the do-is that my sweater?"

you look down to realize that it is, in fact, hyunjin's sweater.

"i guess so. well, your fault for leaving it on my floor. do you want it back? i can go change,"

"no! no, it's okay, you can wear it," he responds, slightly flustered, a subtle blush on his cheeks. you turn to head to the living room, not wanting him to see your own rosy cheeks as you fight back a smile. you and hyunjin have been best friends for as long as you can remember, but recently you've found yourself craving his presence more, longing to be around him, butterflies in your stomach going crazy at the slightest touch. it's the classic dilemma; you don't want to ruin your friendship by confessing, but at the same time it's torture to just be friends when you want so much more.

you lead hyunjin to your living room where the two of you set up your usual nest of couch cushions and blankets (hyunjin giggles to himself when he throws a pillow at you and it hits you square in the face, but it's your turn to laugh when you throw one back twice as hard, hitting his stomach with a dull thump!; you're surprised an all out war doesn't break out). you flop down, tossing him a controller as you open the game.

"my parents are gone for the weekend, so we can be as loud as we want," you mention, turning up the volume on the tv. hyunjin wiggles his eyebrows at you suggestively.

"not like that you idiot!" you say with a gasp, throwing another pillow at him and praying he can't see the redness of your face.

"can we pleeeeeease pick each other's characters?" he says, giving you his classic puppy dog eyes (he definitely knows they're your weakness). you narrow your eyes at him.

"fine, but ONLY if you promise you won't make me be wario again," you say as you trade off your remote. he giggles as you watch him carefully.

"waluigi isn't much better, jinnie!!" you pout, and he doubles over laughing. you choose cat peach for him as revenge (in his words, "i don't want furries in my mario kart,") and he makes a face at you, to which you simply smile angelically.

"best two of three?"

"like always," he says, rolling up the sleeves of his sweater. you internally melt at how cute he looks, intensely focused on the screen and determination in his eyes.

you win the first round, throwing both fists in the air in victory.

"okay i would've won if you hadn't sent that stupid blue shell at me!!" he whines.

"okay sure, you keep telling yourself that," you tease.

round two begins, and hyunjin just barely passes you at the last second.

"haha!! yesss!!"

"you're so lucky i ran into a goomba on the final lap," you say; you and hyunjin are pretty equal in skill, so you often bicker back and forth, arguing about who's the real mario kart champion (although you know you're definitely better). you start the third race, both of you determined to win; neither of you really care about having to buy the pizza, the boasting rights are prize enough. at the beginning of the third lap, hyunjin elbows you, and you gasp in shock as you watch waluigi plummet off the edge of rainbow road. as competitive as the two of you are, neither of you has ever resorted to sabotage. as you're placed back on the track, you see hyunjin smirking and your brain whirrs, trying to think of a way to prevent hyunjin from winning. a thought occurs, and pushing the nerves aside, you lean over and press a quick kiss to hyunjin's cheek. out of the corner of your eye you see him freeze, his character veering off course allowing you to surpass him and cross the finish line.

"YES! i win!!" you gloat, buzzing from the adrenaline of winning and the fact that you just kissed hyunjin. you just kissed hyunjin. the realization sets in and you look at him in shock at your own actions. he's staring back at you; normally you can easily tell what's on his mind, but in this moment you have no idea what he's thinking.

"hyunjin i-i'm so sorry, i just-"

"did you mean that?" he cuts you off.

"what?"

"or was that just a diversion tactic?" he says, voice soft and serious, contrasting the playful mood. his eyes search your face for an answer, then he breaks out in a grin.

"haha, your face is so red; i'm guessing it was more than just a way to distract me..."

"okay fine, maybe--maybe i did mean it. maybe i think you're really cute and maybe i want to be more than just best friends with you and maybe i'm kind of really in love with you. and maybe your face is just as red as mine," you blurt out.

"well maybe i'm just as in love with you as you are with me," he says, and his gaze flickers down to your lips, then back up to your eyes. you're not sure when his face got this close to yours, but you aren't complaining. for the second time tonight, you find yourself brave enough to lean in, eyes closed, to press your lips to his. the equivalent of a disney fireworks show is going off inside you as his soft lips fit perfectly against yours and he wraps his arms around you, pulling you onto him. you can't help but smile into the kiss, ecstatic and relieved that everything worked out and your days of pining and daydreaming and complaining to felix are over. you feel hyunjin's lips curl up into a smile too, and you both giggle as you pull away slightly, your hands lost in his hair and noses brushing as you look in his eyes.

"you have no idea how long i've wanted to do that," he says, pressing another kiss to your lips.

"then why didn't you" you question, playing with his hair absentmindedly.

"i thought you liked felix!! i was sitting around in my room moping all day because i thought you and felix were going on a date! i've never been so happy to get a text in my entire life," hyunjin confesses with a nervous laugh. you can't help but laugh at the situation.

"i can't believe you thought i liked felix!! i've been asking him for advice on what to do about you!"

the two of you erupt in giggles, nestled in the mess of blankets with limbs tangled around each other.

"we're so silly," hyunjin says between laughter, pulling you back towards his lips. "i can't believe i can just do this whenever i want now," he mumbles into your mouth, and you deepen the kiss, wanting to be pressed as close to him as possible after desperately wanting this for so long.

"you still have to pay for the pizza, you know," you mention in between kisses. hyunjin's head falls back as he lets out a groan.

"...i was hoping you'd forgotten about that."

"nope! i'll set up the movie while you call," you say, kissing his cheek before moving to get up. you don't make it very far before hyunjin pulls you right back into his arms, peppering your face with kisses.

"hyunjin! i have to get up!" you giggling.

"no you don't. we can just lie here forever," he says, continuing to kiss you.

"we might get hungry though," you mention, this time pulling yourself away for real (even though it's probably the hardest thing you've ever done) to toss him his phone while you pick out a movie.

you're curled against hyunjin's side, head on his chest, listening to his slow breathing and heartbeat more than the movie itself. the room is dark save for the glow of the tv and the streetlamps outside. there's a flash as the headlights of a car pull into the driveway.

"we're gonna have to get up to get the pizza, jinnie," you groan.

"shhh baby, no we're not," he murmurs (you ignore how your cheeks heat up at the nickname), and your front door swings open as someone enters your house.

"someone order a pizza?"

you recognize the familiar aussie accent of felix and he walks in carrying a large box, changbin following close behind. he places the box beside you and gives you a cheeky grin, flashing you a thumbs up. you blush, hiding your face in hyunjin's chest.

"ew, they're so gross and affectionate," felix pretends to puke, and changbin laughs. "lets get out of here binnie. catch ya later, y/n; don't have too much fun!" felix says with a wink.

"bye, felix!" you say, encouraging him to leave. the front door closes and felix's car pulls out of the driveway, leaving you once again alone with hyunjin.

"jinnie, how-"

"i texted felix real quick while you were picking a movie asking him to help me out, then called him but pretended i was calling the pizza place," hyunjin explains.

"you're so smart," you say, kissing his cheek in appreciation.

"well, i try my best. oh, y/n?"

"hm?"

"you look really cute in my sweater."

"i know. i hope you know you're never getting it back,"

"that's fine with me," he says tackling you in another kiss. you lie there for a while, lazily making out while the movie plays in the background, hyunjin's hands on your hips and yours in his hair.

"it's crazy how so much has changed in just one night," you say, pulling away for a second.

"mhm...although really y/n, you're still my goofy, loveable best friend. just now we get to do things like this," he says, pulling you back into the kiss.

"i love you, hyunjin," you say, breathless. you've said this to each other many times before, but this is the first time you're saying it seriously and romantically.

"i love you too, y/n," he whispers back, and you want to live in this moment forever; just you and hyunjin, the rest of the world is a blur.

929 notes · View notes

risottostitties · 5 years

Note

Hi! First time here to ask haha! Any HCs for La squadra with an Otaku s/o? Like she watches anime and even buys merch in secret cuz she's scared they might find her hobby lame and immature? (Also,what will be their fave anime? And genre?)

Oh boy let me tell you I have some THOUGHTS about these boys and their taste in anime

La Squadra with an Otaku s/o

Risotto

at first he’s gonna be kinda confused, not gonna lie. Growing up the only ‘anime’ he knew was like, Pokemon and Dragon Ball Z but at that point he was too old to really get into Pokemon, and he never considered DBZ anime because it aired next to cartoons and stuff.

But that doesn’t mean he won’t appreciate s/o and their good taste. He’s the kind of guy who wants to learn about what interests the people he loves, and he loves you. So he’d honestly enjoy late nights spent binge watching your favorites.

Comes to realize that DBZ was low key his gym goals for the early years of him working out. If you bought him a ‘Swole like Goku’ tank he’d probably wear it to lift in, ngl.

Knowing your favorites he’d probably look to merch for his go to birthday or Christmas gifts. Considering the hobbies and interests of some of his co-workers, a scantily clad waifu figure is honestly a welcome change of pace.

Depending on the style or aesthetic of the anime (ie, is it goth) he would be down to couples cosplay, although he wouldn’t be comfortable with you posting pictures of his face or any identifiable features of him online

His fave is probably the original Dragon Ball Run, followed very closely by DBZ for the nostalgia bit. Something deep like Full Metal Alchemist (Brotherhood and the original) would also appeal to him

Is also a big fan of Beserk, disappointed by the anime. And Vinland Saga, not disappointed by the anime.

Partial to Princess Mononoke as well. He likes some Ghibli films, isn’t afraid to admit it. Thinks the score for Spirited Away is bomb af.

Prosciutto

Prosciutto doesn’t really get it at first either. Honestly? He probably didn’t know the difference between cartoon and anime until you explained it to him.

Unlike Risotto he might be a bit more judgey if you try to get him to watch some with you. So you gotta hit him with the real classics.

But similarly to Risotto, he at least makes an effort to try and indulge in the things you like. He might not be as patient, but he tries.

Probably wouldn’t do cosplay himself, but would hunt down exclusive seasonal merch to gift you. He’d take careful stock of your collections and do some research to pick out only the finest figurines and posters for you.

Would buy that hella expensive premium bandai apparel for you too, might even pick something subtle up for himself if he really liked the show it came from.

Also back on the cosplay note, if you agreed he’d find the highest quality cosplay possible and have you model some of his favorites for him.

(In particular if you were comfortable in fem clothing, Faye Valentine gets him going)

He loves Cowboy Beebop. 100%, wants to watch it again as soon as it ends. Everything from the characters to the story to the music and the fliud animation that has aged like fine wine appeals to him. Prosciutto is a man who likes the finer things in life. He oozes class. Cowboy Beebop oozes class and prestige.

Also likes Maasaki Yuasa. It was his idea to go see The Night Is Short, Walk on Girl in theaters.

In general his tastes tend to lean towards arthouse type anime or bona fide classics.

Pesci

Pesci knows anime and has been doing his absolute best to keep it a secret from the rest of the gang because they already tease him enough.

He’s one of those secret weebs, you gotta know where to look. Your best bet is to look at his accessories. Is there a watch with a certain symbol from an anime you recognize? A lanyard with a familiar print? Something subtle that isn’t immediately noticed by people not looking for it.

He has a secret box in his room full of blue rays from his faves. He watches them sometimes when he’s home alone. There’s nothing X rated in there obviously, he just doesn’t want people to know.

Thank god he has you.

The two of you probably bonded pretty fast over your mutual love of anime. Hell, you being such an open and proud Otaku probably gave him a bit of confidence in expressing his interests too.

Yall are the weeb couple. Yall definitely go to conventions together. Couples Cosplays, the whole thing.

He’s a sucker for Shonen just as much as he is for the really good heart wrenching painful ones.

He watches Boruto because he loves Naruto so much.

He would also tear up at Clannad.

Dango Daikazoku triggers almost a pavlovian response of heart ache.

So does Secret Base.

Ano Hana is probably his favorite, although even you’d need to pry it out of him. Its one thing that Prosciutto gives him shit for liking anime, its a whole different ball game if he found out Pesci liked girly anime

Fromaggio

He knows what hentai is. That’s about as far as his knowledge went before yall got together.

He thinks its pretty interesting though, so he’d be down to watch some with you.

Turns out he really likes action shonen. He got really, really into One Piece. Like, instantly. He likes the fact there’s so much to watch/read before he’s caught up too.

Another boy that would couples cosplay and be really into it. Especially if it continued into the bedroom.

He’s pretty go with the flow, so he isn’t picky about what y’all watch. Even if it isn’t his cup of tea he’ll sit through a few episodes on a night with you.

Fromaggio can’t tell the difference between a high quality figure and a shitty one. Its a crap shoot what he buys for you. Its more a process of ‘oh, so likes this character’ rather than checking the seams and paint quality and how dynamic the pose is/interchangeable parts.

Definitely buys way too much in the dealers room because of this.

He tries his best.

His fave is probably One Piece, liked bleach a lot but never read the manga, Yu Yu Hakusho is another one he really enjoyed. The Dark Tournament arc had him at the edge of his seat and hype as shit.

Illuso

Had a passing knowledge of anime before dating you. Knew what it was, saw a few of the mainstream ones, thought they were enjoyable, moved on with his life.

Your dedicated interest in anime would surprise him at first, because he always figured it was kind of a niche thing.

Would snoop around your collection of manga/figures/plushes in the mirror world while you sleep.

Winds up reading a lot of your manga like that (he’s good at reading in reverse because of his stand)

He finds he appreciates the art style of 80s-90s manga a lot more than he does the modern stuff. He really got into Ranma 1/2 and thinks Rumiko Takahashi’s artstyle is excellent.

If you asked him to watch Inuyasha with you he wouldn’t say no.

Probably wouldn’t want to do couples cosplay, but he definitely has an appreciation for you in cosplay.

You could talk him into going to a con if you caught him in the right mood. It’d be a hard sell though.

Has a surprising enjoyment for J-Rock.

Inuyasha is high on his favorites list, as is Ranma 1/2. Also a fan of Ghibli movies although its pulling teeth to get him to admit it.

Melone

This man has watched so much hentai in his life.

He probably actually knows them by title honestly.

He enjoys anime too, and is not ashamed unlike Pesci. Everyone already knows he has unconventional tastes there is nothing to hide here.

Melone enjoys traditionally feminine anime, especially Sailor Moon. That one has a special place in his heart as he has memories of his sister watching it with him when he was much younger.

Its more of a decompress thing than anything else, so he doesn't tend to favor heavy anime with dense plot and more mature subject matter.

He likes Maid Costumes. On you, on him, it doesn’t matter.

Doesn’t know a whole lot about merch and what makes something higher quality but he learns fast. Between you and him the Dealers Room at cons won’t know what hit them.

Is the type to preorder a figure he knows you’d like. And maybe one for him.

Buy him this and he’s putty in your hands for a month straight (SFW don’t worry) https://www.amazon.com/Bandai-Sailor-Moonlight-Memory-Locket/dp/B00UA9XB48

Sailor Moon is his favorite as I’ve said before, his favorite sailor scout is Rei. Is also a fan of Ano Hana, Violet Evergarden, and Toradora although he needs to be in the right mood to watch them.

Ghiaccio

He went down the Fate rabbit hole and we haven’t seen him since.

The gender bending grates as his soul but he is addicted regardless. There’s just so much dense lore that he can’t seem to stop going.

But also seeing how much care and attention is paid to the historical background of a lot of the servants is intriguing to him. Its the perfect blend of accurate and harem trash that infuriates him but also leaves him needing to know more.

He hasn’t played every game but he has Grand Order on his phone and has sunk an ungodly amount of money into the gacha trying to get his favorite (Its Jeanne Alter, in case anyone was wondering) and has seen all the anime (His favorite is the cooking spin off because its surprisingly calming to watch)

Fate Zero is probably his favorite ‘serious’ Fate adaptation. He enjoys the gravitas of the Holy Grail Wars (and hates how it was tossed out the fucking window in UBW/Stay Night/Heavens Feel) and the ritual aspect to the summoning and foreshadowing of future events as well as hints at a deeper magical lore in the universe hit all the right spots in his lizard brain.

The fact every fate anime has a different version of Saber (or a Saber Clone) pisses him off too.

He really loves Fate. And will scream about it for hours at you.

Getting him to watch or talk about anything else is like pulling teeth but he eventually relents because he loves you.

Its difficult to get through a single episode without him grumbling about something or another, but he tries once he sees its important to you. He does his best not to outright insult your favorite anime.

Can appreciate high quality merch as well, probably collects Jalter Figures himself.

If you’re comfortable in fem clothing, Cosplay Jalter for him and he will literally ascend then and there. Keeps pics on his phone. Would probably make it his background. He’s weak

Outside of Fate he finds he enjoys high fantasy shows. Historical fantasy pisses him off too much, and straight up historical drama would also have him grasping for inaccuracies.

Full Metal Alchemist is a non-fate series that he really loves because of the world building. The movie Maquia was one he enjoyed as well. Likes every Miyazaki film, don’t tell anyone. Cried (and raged) when Ushio died in Clannad.

In general he just likes really good world building. It has to be good otherwise he’s going to spend the whole time picking it apart.

#risotto nero #melone #prosciutto #pesci #ghiaccio #illuso #fromaggio #jjba #jjba headcanons #la squadra #not sfw #just in case #la sqaudra #la squadra x reader #x reader #jjba writing blog

92 notes · View notes

etherealwaifgoddess · 4 years

Text

Maybe I Am? - Chpt.1

Characters: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

Summary: After meeting in a chatroom Steve and Bucky finally meet up in real life, however Bucky isn’t anything Steve was expecting. Master list HERE.

Content Warning: a very confused Steve, an adorably disappointed Bucky.

Word Count: 3.1k

Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! One of my favorite versions of Steve is the sweet confused Steve, and so I decided to have a little fun with him in this fic. Also, Steve Rogers is a Slytherin and I will fight ya’ll to the death on that one. If you don’t believe me read #10 in THIS article. There will be six chapters total, one posted every evening until we’re done. Hope you enjoy! XOXO - Ash

Chapter One

Bucky stared at Alpine, desperate for more companionship than the fluffy white cat could provide. He’d been stuck inside for the past four days while he got over the damned late winter cold he’d caught. Bucky hadn’t been sick in almost two years so he couldn’t really complain, but he was social by nature and Alpine could only do so much for her end of the conversation. He finally drug himself out of bed, carrying his fluffy duvet to the sofa with him so he could throw on a rerun of The Good Place and fire up his laptop. Bucky logged into the chat site he used to frequent that hosted discussions on all different fandoms from movies to television shows to music. He used to love hanging out online in some of the Harry Potter chats, especially HuffleHaven which he was pleased to see was still active. Bored and not really feeling up to fangirling at a level appropriate for a proud Hufflepuff, he hopped into a punk rock appreciation chat to hopefully find a way out of his bored funk.

WinterBae: so ur a Greenday fan?

AmericanIdiot: What was your first clue?

WinterBae: well i heard the sounds of hysteria

AmericanIdiot: LOL nice. Is that your cat in the profile pic?

WinterBae: yuppp, that’s my girl Alpine

AmericanIdiot: She looks sweet. So, what fandom are you here for?

Bucky flicked over to view AmericanIdiot’s profile and was instantly smitten with the blonde who claimed punk rock was life and he could live on tacos alone if given the chance. He wondered briefly if the pic was real, it wasn’t unheard of for people to use model’s photos instead of their own, and the guy in AmericanIdiot’s picture was definitely model worthy. Tall, buff, and gorgeous; Bucky was definitely interested in more than conversation. Well, nothing to make himself feel better than a little harmless flirting.

xxXxx

Three months later.

AmericanIdiot: I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.

WinterBae: oh come on! it’s not that bad, just let the hat sort you and i’ll let you retreat to your boring punk rock group.

AmericanIdiot: You so owe me for this one.

WinterBae: puhleeeease please please please

AmericanIdiot: FINE. But you still owe me.

WinterBae: whatever you want. Promise :D

[Private Chat Initiated]

AmericanIdiot: Well shit.

WinterBae: was i right??

AmericanIdiot: I hate you.

WinterBae: nope, u luv me. and i told u so ;)

AmericanIdiot: How in the ever loving fuck am I a Slytherin?? I literally help my neighbor with her grocery bags every week! I feel like a puppy kicker now.

WinterBae: the hat sees inside ur soul puppy kicker mwahaha

AmericanIdiot: You totally owe me.

WinterBae: fine. coffee? sunday morning maybe? r u near red hook?

AmericanIdiot: I’m over in Park Slope. So not too far. Wait, are you serious? You really want to meet up?

WinterBae: let’s meet @ magnolia cafe 10am on sunday

AmericanIdiot: But how will I know it’s you?

WinterBae: i’ll wear a red rose tucked in my hair. cuz i’m classy like that lol

AmericanIdiot: Haha. Nice. I can’t wait.

WinterBae: me too :)

Steve closed the lid of his laptop, unable to believe his luck. He was finally going to meet WinterBae in real life after months of witty banter and playful flirting. He pulled on his sneakers, ready to go run out all the nervous energy thrumming inside him, and he hoped he wasn’t getting his hopes too high. Sam had already pointed out several times that he didn’t know a whole lot about WinterBae, not even what she really looked like. Steve maintained he wasn’t shallow and he knew enough about her to know that she was everything he’d hoped to find in a woman. She was bright and funny, kept him on his toes for sure, and had a biting wit that left him laughing harder than he had in years. Steve had been so lonely since Peggy up and left him, moving back to England after eight months of living together. He was finally ready to move on and he hoped WinterBae would be the one to do that with.

Across the bustling streets of Brooklyn, in his little apartment in Red Hook, Bucky was rapid fire texting Nat about his date. She cheered him on good naturedly, happy he was actually putting himself back out there after the disaster that was Brock Rumlow. Bucky was proud that he’d been so smooth in asking AmericanIdiot to meet up, or at least smooth by his own nerdy standards. He reminded himself several times that even if the profile pic wasn’t really AmericanIdiot, he would most likely still be interested. How could he not be after spending the past three months talking to the guy every day? They talked about everything together and Bucky felt like he knew AmericanIdiot better than some of his real life friends. Two more days and he would have a name and a face to put with the amazing, brilliant, artistic guy he was completely head over heels for. Now he just had to figure out where to buy a red rose.

xxXxx

Bucky sat at a small cafe table inside Magnolia Cafe, trying not to fidget with the rose tucked behind his ear. He felt a little silly for wearing it, but also kind of like he was in a romance novel waiting to meet his knight in shining armor. He had worn his very best skinny jeans and a black button up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, leaving his assortment of bracelets on display. He wasn’t getting his hopes up, but damned if he wasn’t going to look his best just in case. Nat had insisted on going along, wanting to make sure Bucky’s online friend wasn’t some kind of creeper. The fierce redhead sat a few tables away, poised and ready to strike should the guy make any untoward moves. Bucky loved how protective Nat was, though honestly she was a bit terrifying at times. So he waited, scrolling through Buzzfeed News, hoping that maybe this once luck would be on his side.

Steve was so nervous he was sweating a little by the time he got to the cafe. He wiped his palms on the side of his tee shirt, wondering belatedly if he should have put in a little more effort. All he had was work clothes anymore, even the navy tee he had on was emblazoned with their star logo and the name of their gym underneath. Paired with the only jeans he owned and a lightweight leather jacket, he hoped he would make a good first impression. WinterBae had mentioned being into fashion but Steve had never had an eye for that sort of thing. Nerves rising, Steve hoped he would be able to find WinterBae easily. He knew only that she would have a red rose tucked in her hair, and from a brief mention a few weeks ago about haircuts, he knew to expect shoulder length wavy brown hair. But that was it. Steve reminded himself that he needed to go into this with open eyes, if nothing else he would walk away with a new friend. Someone other than Sam to hang out with, somewhere other than the gym they co-owned. Deep down though, he still hoped for more.

The cafe was dimly lit inside and it took Steve a minute to let his eyes adjust. He scanned the room quickly, taking note of all the women sitting at various tables. Most were with other people, leaving only four on their own, but try as he might he couldn’t spot red roses on any of them. He felt a pang of disappointment but prayed he was just early and not being stood up. He was about to go order himself an Americano to sip while he waited when he heard a rough, masculine voice call out “AmericanIdiot?” in a tone tinged with awe.

Steve turned in the direction of the voice to see a man about his age with a red rose tucked into his shoulder length wavy brown hair. His mouth moved while his brain reeled, “WinterBae?”

“Yeah! Hey!” Bucky felt like he was vibrating out of his skin; he was so thrilled. The blonde god standing in front of him really was the man from the picture, and he looked even better in real life, if that was possible. Brilliant, sweet, and hot. Bucky had hit the jackpot.

Steve let himself be pulled into a warm hug, the man was a few inches shorter than his own 6’2” and fit nicely against his chest. The man. WinterBae was a man. Steve replayed all of their conversations in his head and kept coming up with the same assumption. Steve had never once in a million years thought he was a man. He supposed in retrospect that having a female best friend, a love of clothes, and a cat he called a “fur baby” was not necessarily concrete signs of being a woman, but damned if Steve had even thought twice about WinterBae’s gender. He forced himself to return the hug, happy to meet a new friend, even though his heart was crushed under the disappointment that nothing more would be coming of this meeting.

“I’m so glad you made it.” Bucky told him as they pulled apart.

“Of course. Gotta get my cup of coffee for being tortured by a magical hat.”

Bucky laughed, a rich rumbling sound, “Yeah, a Slytherin would never pass up the opportunity to benefit off the kindness of others.”

“Well at least your poor little Huffle-brain won’t realize what’s going on.”

“Ouch, punk. Those are some strong words from someone who watched Sorcerer's Stone for the first time less than a month ago.”

“It’s your fault I did too, jerk. Uh, you can call me Steve by the way.”

“Steve, nice. It suits you. I’m Bucky. Well, James, but everyone calls me Bucky.”

“Now that’s a story I have to hear.” Steve said with a laugh and let Bucky lead him over to the line for his drink.

They ended up spending two and a half hours talking at their little table at the cafe. Coffee turned into a muffin to split, which turned into a panini and iced teas for both of them. Steve couldn’t remember the last time conversation flowed so easily with someone. Talking to Bucky felt like they had been best friends for years opposed to only knowing each other a few months. They topic hopped relentlessly, never losing each other along the way. Steve found himself laughing so hard his ribs hurt when Bucky spoke about one of his teenage misadventures with his sister Becca.

Bucky was very clearly flirting by the time they finished their lunch; shooting Steve sweet little smiles every so often and pushing his hair back behind his ear coyly. Steve knew he should put the breaks on the flirting, he didn’t want to lead Bucky on, but it was so much easier to just smile along with him. In his thirty years of life, Steve had never once questioned his sexuality. Men had never held any attraction for him, but something about the way Bucky chewed on his bottom lip, the tiny tip of his pink tongue peeking out, had part of Steve wanting to taste that lip himself.

With a cough, Steve shook his head, trying to clear his unexpected wayward thoughts. “I’m sorry, I missed that.” he prompted.

Bucky titled his head slightly with a lopsided smile, “It’s okay. I was just saying that my sister was the one who gave me the courage to come out to my parents. She came out first and seeing how my parents reacted made it a lot easier for me to. She was only 15 at the time, but she always has been a hell of a lot braver than I am.”

“I doubt that. But that’s great you guys are so close.”

“Yeah, she’s been my best friend since the day she was born. Well, other than Nat, but don’t tell her that.” Bucky chuckled thinking back on the loving bickering Becca and Nat used to do when they were younger. “So how did you come out to your parents?”

Steve wanted to die on the spot. A bright blush tinged his cheeks, staining his pale skin all the way down his neck. “I, uh. Well. I’m not. Um. I didn’t, actually. Because I’m not, um, gay.” Please god, let the ground open up and swallow me whole, he prayed silently, unable to meet Bucky’s eyes.

The smile Bucky had worn, waiting for what he thought must have been one hell of a story based on Steve's blush, completely vanished. Along with all his foolish daydreams of dating someone as amazing as Steve. “Oh. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed.” he finally choked out semi-normal sounding.

“No, it’s my fault.” Steve hastily protested, “We talked so much online and I didn’t realize you were a man.” The wide eyed shock on Bucky’s face made Steve realize he hadn’t made things any better.

“Wait, what? You thought I was a woman?” Bucky asked incredulously.

“Well, yeah. Nothing about your profile or our conversations were very clear and I guess I just somehow jumped to the conclusion that you were. I’m sorry, Bucky.”

Disappointed but not wanting to miss out on a great friendship Bucky forced himself to smile reassuringly at Steve. “It’s okay. No harm done. So you're straight then?”

“I think so.”

That did not help things. “That’s kinda something you know.”

“Yeah, I thought so too. I like talking to you though. A lot.” Bucky was looking at him like he had three heads and Steve just wanted to crawl home and die of embarrassment.

“Okay. I like talking to you a lot too. We can just be friends though, Steve. I’m not going to get my feelings hurt just because you bat for the other team.”

“Thanks. I really am sorry. If I were to ever switch teams you’d be the first guy I call. You’re incredible.”

“Aww come on. You don’t gotta say that. It’s all good, really. Now tell me more about this gym you run.”

Steve sighed, thankful to change topics, “Well, my best friend Sam and I opened it when he retired from the Air Force six years ago.” Steve launched into the story of how he met Sam through the VA where they had both volunteered as teenagers and then years later, they teamed up to start Shield Gym which was now one of the most popular gyms in the city.

The conversation lulled a little after that and Bucky politely refrained from any more flirting. Steve found himself missing the cute little gestures. He couldn’t figure out what the hell was wrong with him but he knew he needed to figure it out sooner rather than later. They parted as friends, swapping cell phone numbers so they could text instead of the message boards and private chats online. Steve initiated the goodbye hug, wanting to test the feeling of the smaller man in his arms once more. It was just as nice as the first time and only added to Steve’s confusion.

Nat caught up with Bucky barely a block from the cafe, pulling him for a tight hug when she saw his morose expression. “Do I need to kill him?” she asked seriously.

“He's straight.” Bucky told her, “Well, he said he thinks he’s straight. Whatever the hell that means.”

Nat quirked a brow at that, not commenting though.

“Either way, back to spending all my nights with you and Alpine. And Becca, when the brat has time to fly out.”

“Maybe don’t write him off just yet.” Nat said carefully, “I saw you two together, it was sweet.”

Bucky sighed, “I can’t do it, Nat. Just let the poor straight boy be slightly confused on his own before he settles down with some perfect human barbie doll he meets at his gym.”

Nat pursed her lips in disapproval but remained silent. She wrapped an arm around Bucky’s waist and followed him home so they could share a pint of gelato and watch a trashy rom-com until Bukcy felt better.

“Shit, Sam.” Steve whined at his best friend back in their gym in Park Slope. He’d gone straight from the cafe to the gym, knowing Sam was working the midday shift. “How did this happen?”

“You made an honest mistake, it happens.” Sam tried to be kind with his words, “But, and I’m not saying I told you so, you didn’t really know as much about this guy as you thought you did.”

“That might have been the politest ‘I told you so’ ever.”

“I am sorry that it didn’t work out though. I know you thought you really falling for this WinterBae.”

“His name is Bucky. And, I don’t know Sam, he’s just as incredible in person. More so, even. I don’t know what to do. I’m not gay. But…. maybe I am?”

Sam set down the bottle of spray disinfectant and the rag he was wiping down the machines with. “Steve, I know you had your hopes up for this guy. But he’s a guy. And being straight, or not straight, is typically something you figure out before your thirties.”

“I know. I know.” Steve groaned, raking his hands through his hair.

“At least you made a new friend, right?” Sam tried hopefully.

Steve shook his head, “Yeah, but it doesn’t feel like enough. I don’t know what to do, Sam.”

“You gotta figure that one out on your own, man. But whatever you do, don’t drag that poor boy through whatever premature mid life crisis you got going on. It wouldn’t be fair to him to get his hopes up.”

“I know that.” Steve fought to keep the glare he wanted to give Sam off his face, “I would never hurt him. I just… I need to think about it, I guess.”

Sam clapped Steve on the shoulder supportively before resuming his cleaning, “You do that. And if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”

Steve thanked him and then headed out. He had a lot of thinking to do.

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #stucky #steve rogers x bucky barnes #idiots in love #confused steve rogers #gay bucky barnes #meet ugly #stucky fanfic #stucky fanfiction

10 notes · View notes

enccrypted · 5 years

Text

romance headcanons

name: park tae-joon (alias: kim hyeon)

nickname: “Joon” !! Though generally the only people to ever call him that were Mila and Mystik. And “TJ,” maybe, I can see that one being thrown around a bit.

gender: male.

romantic orientation: he generally avoids relationships and is not extremely interested in others sexually or romantically, but it all comes down to the circumstances and particularly to how he connects with someone. He doesn’t care about the specifics of sex or gender — I do personally tend to lean towards writing gay relationships, but that’s a me thing, and I want to emphasise that it doesn’t really matter to Crypto. I’m generally willing to try what he is willing to!

preferred pet names: hasn’t had any to speak of.

relationship status: single, but might fuck around, might settle down and find happiness in a committed relationship with mirage apex legends, haha just kidding....... unless????

favorite canon/fandom ship: God I have a few... I know that Cryptage (Crypto and Mirage) is a really big thing for the fandom (fic author once called it a “rarepair” and i was like huh??? are you kidding fam), and I personally love exploring their dynamic with vanishout. They have a rough start, but there’s no other person Crypto loves more... im emotional over Them, and Crypto is honestly so smitten. Their ship make me happy

I am also a big fan of Crypto and Octane! Something I’m messing around with whilst writing with deathchasing. They’ve got a lot of potential to go places, where exactly I’m still unsure, but guess we’ll sort that out later. :)

I am generally interested in shipping anyone with Crypto if there’s enough chemistry or an interesting enough dynamic. The only other characters I have on the brain though that I want to ship Crypto with are Bloodhound, Caustic, and Gibraltar. As of now though, I haven’t really properly discussed a ship with anyone else but Julie and Kabu.

favorite crossover ship: I don’t really have any! I can’t really think on the spot of one, either. I haven’t really taken Crypto out of his default Apex verse yet, but I’m willing to try.

opinion on true love: It exists, that much he knows. Love is what carried Tae-joon through life even as an orphan on the streets with nothing to his name. It’s what helped him survive, because he worked and fought tooth and nail every single day for the people he loved. Mila, and later on Mystik, proved without a doubt to him that platonic love exists and is one of the most powerful forces he could know. Without them, I’m not sure where he’d have ended up. He believes in love, perhaps with more conviction than most things.

BUT as for romantic love... sure, he’s absolutely sure it exists. But he’s convinced it’s just not something he can have. Like... Tae-joon’s been through shit, earnt the life he had before the Games with his own blood, sweat, and tears. He knows full well that he has worth, that he is deserving — but the way the Syndicate directly and indirectly stripped him of everything that he loves and cares about really hit him hard. It’s tough for him to reach out and connect with people, and even tougher to allow himself to love again after he’s been taught time and time again that he will lose everything he has valued so dearly, worked so hard for.

And he’s afraid for the people that might be in a relationship with him; loving Crypto doesn’t just make him vulnerable, he puts anyone who cares about him in direct danger as well. In that sense, he doesn’t think he deserves love. Even if he found it with someone who’s willing to care about him, the guilt of making them a target for the Syndicate... bad. It’ll take a hell of an exceptional partner (willing to put themselves in danger and to convince him that they’re okay with this) for Tae-joon to reach a point where he believes he is allowed to have love, and that he deserves it.

opinion on love at first sight: "amused at first sight” more like when it came to Mirage. I don’t think he’s really met anyone he instantly feel in love with on sight though, not as Park Tae-joon and certainly not as Crypto... it’s not hard to feed into the craving for human affection and for someone who really cares when he does slowly edge closer to someone. Like, when he actually allows them to be near him and lets them start forging some bond of trust. Honestly, love is never the first thing on his mind when he meets people, not even when he was living a civilian life as Tae-joon; there were always more important things to focus on.

how ‘romantic’ are they?: Even before the Games, he didn’t really have a great way of going about expressing emotions and communicating how he feels, let alone when it comes to unfamiliar notions of romance. He’s not entirely emotionally stunted, but he has a way of hyperfocusing on work, on taking comfort in things mechanical more than human, and rarely lets people interrupt him when he’s on a roll. He’s fairly aloof, but once he loses his previous life and identity, he comes to a realisation that he took human affection and contact for granted. Unfortunately he has no choice but to live without it after that; I think getting into a relationship, he’d be massively awkward about it to start with, but would quickly warm up and learn to be affectionate. He wouldn’t go out of his way to be, but he definitely would know the importance of even the simplest of gestures. He’d make it a point to show he cares, because he knows it’s not always obvious to someone that they’re loved — even fi it may seem obvious to others. At heart, Tae-joon’s a very soft and very caring person and does try to show it where he can.

ideal physical traits: Doesn’t matter to him. If he starts to love someone, he WILL find attraction in someone inevitably whether they are conventionally attractive or not.

ideal personality traits: he is... weak for soft and kind people. also loves someone who can match him in terms of intelligence and ability, someone who is good with banter. a good sense of competition. people with drive and ambition. there’s probably a tonne more, but it’s just not coming to mind right now.

unattractive physical traits: Tae-joon grew up on the streets as a child, parentless and homeless. He saw it all. It wasn’t hard for him to learn that there’s far more admiration and beauty to found in other things than in the physical appearance.

One point I do want to cover though: He thinks the physical result of his own augmentations and implants are unattractive. They’re a huge part of his survival and certainly technological marvels (designed all by himself, though he found outside help to have them implanted). But having to virtually gut and replace so much of himself really dealt a blow to his whole concept of his humanity and physicality. He has trouble seeing himself as a person sometimes, much less an attractive one with the enhancements he’s gone through.

unattractive personality traits: stupidity. ignorance. unwillingness to learn. taking things for granted, wasting life away. selfishness and lack of empathy / sympathy for others. betraying the loyalty and the trust of the people who love you. complete lack of morals or ethics. acting like you’re something you’re not. people who view themselves above others (even though.. he often does... hahaha)

ideal date: He doesn’t really have any standard of one, not really having been on one before (though can bet that Mila has tried to hook him up multiple times with a blind date or something, they always fell through or Tae-joon just didn’t want to).

do they have a type?: not entirely, I do like to joke around that he’s into himbos though. One himbo specifically, but overall there’s not any real pattern... I guess he would like soft people capable of showing kindness, who are the exact opposite of him in the sense that they still see beauty and value in the world for all the cruel wreck that it is. People who are willing to be kind without expecting kindness back, who is... willing to show crypto that sort of kindness and teach it to him again 😳😳 people who allow him to be vulnerable and understand the place he’s coming from...

average relationship length: So we’re making up pure lies and saying that he’s had actual past relationships? Fuckin wig... but I think he would enjoy moderate to long-term relationships when he does actually get into them. Obviously, he’s not going to start something with ease (commitment is a bitch when you’re in his situation), but he’s not going to start a relationship with the intention of dumping the other person early on.

preferred non-sexual intimacy: i’m thinking he probably values non-sexual intimacy a lot more than sexual actually, especially since i’m exploring current ships where sexual intimacy is involved but human affection and connection isn’t... which, in turn, just makes tae-joon feel a hell of a lot more emotionally disconnected and lonely. He really values the comfort of just being close to someone, around them in close proximity without worry. Being there with them, listening to them speak and paying them attention even if he’s not the most vocal or performative person... there’s a very real comfort in that. Just leaning against someone, I think, sharing contact that isn’t even necessarily romantic. He just wants to feel, and be felt — that simple human connection is Wildly important for him.

commitment level: Really fucking incredible. Like really fucking incredible if you get him to care enough, help him to open up and allow himself to care.

opinion of public affection: It flusters him (though I think he could learn to like at least a little bit of it. Having someone he loves and can show off in a subtle sort of way), and he probably doesn’t ever allow it anyway on account of not wanting anyone with their eye on him to pick out vulnerabilities. He’s very careful about keeping any relationships during the Games highly secret — no point in putting someone he cares about in harm’s way, and honestly I don’t think he could stand losing another person after he puts in all the effort to learn to trust and to love again. Affectionate gestures in private though, as said, is all good with him.

past relationships?: once he talked to a girl on an online mmorpg and they traded items and he thinks he got the better end of the trade so that was pretty epic. But no, he hasn’t had any.

tagged by: @incnspcuous and @deathchasing!!! thanks lads tagging: @aeiiope / @thunderolled pls bless me with yr girls.... @vanishout, @slature

#you're predictable‚ and i'm not. \` * file: headcanon.#long post cw #dash memes.

4 notes · View notes