my background story for my himbo lizard boy wol has always been fairly vague and mostly along the lines of: he grew up in thavnair, his family were fishers who made him learn to fish even though he preferred fighting things, he attempted to fish by just jumping in the water and wrestling fish, and then a giant fish kicked his ass so hard he left home on a journey to grow into a better fighter so he could come back and get revenge (he never did. he got thancred to beat up the fish for him and now it lives in an aquarium in his house)

but I was thinking of elpis and the wol being told to relate the whole story from the beginning to the elpis squad and like...this boy cannot stay focused on a long story like that, he doesn't have a single braincell, if you tell him to relate the story from the beginning he's gonna go way too far back and spend half an hour complaining about the fish that beat him up back home

and there's hythlodaeus in the corner quietly making notes about this fascinating fish. notes he will find in his pocket after he returns home and turn into a concept leading to the creation of the fish ancestor of the wol's nemesis. the circle of stupidity is complete

other things that probably happened in elpis:

1) the wol almost definitely made some vague comment to hermes that hermes then recalled later as he looked down at meteion and inspired his decision to destroy the world. the comment would have been something you'd expect to find on one of those awful motivational posters that has some trite phrase over a stock photo of the ocean

2) the wol asked venat "have you ever wondered what the ancients really are?" (he probably read a conspiracy theory on tumblr) but he had a brain slip (without the brain part) and said "have you ever sundered what the ancients really are?" and venat was like hmmm while taking notes

3) wol told emet he looked "out of shape" and "not at 110%" in the future and offered to teach him his exercise routine. this would have happened in the middle of him relating how emet was going to have everyone he knew die and then murder millions of people. hyth prevented another murder from taking place but also took notes on the exercise routine and later built a home gym based on them. azem used it regularly. emet threatened to divorce both of them. soon after, emet unmade azem's favorite barbell in a fit of pettiness leading to them squabbling, a fight which started out serious and then drifted into more mundane topics like should we summon zodiark. azem took his gym and left

4) grani bit the wol. this didn't have any far-reaching consequences but it made him sad and he wants you to know

the legend himself:

i do not remember if i ever posted this here but i published the third chapter of a genshin fic about Qiqi and an oc of mine

The dangers of walking around topless with neep nerp piercings.

Poor Mammon... someone save himb

((Reference to a Tiktok. Context 👇🏻))

BIG RUN TODAY. 1 HOUR.

BIG RUN BIG FUN!

Excited for Baldurs Gate 3 release! Doodled the PC I'm planning on going through with…A LG Bard of Valor! Though not sure what to name her 🤔

Mario just spent most of the last scene getting his ass handed to him and only narrowly won the fight because he got ahold of a really good powerup. But the moment DK starts egging him on Mario hands off the ice pack and goes in for round two, fists raised and not a powerup in sight. One braincell. Zero self preservation skills. I love him.

Imagine back in their college days, Vlad tries to break up Jack and Maddie, so Maddie will date him, but accidentally ends up seducing Jack (it wouldn't be very difficult).

Imagine Jack and Vlad cuddling in bed while Vlad has a mental break down.

He can't break up with Jack. Everyone knows he was behind Jack and Maddie's break up, so if he does break up with Jack, everyone will think he's an asshole.

Maybe it's before his accident, so he doesn't have his ghostly obsession with Maddie. Maybe it's after, and his obsession slowly shifts to Jack. Maybe his accident happens while he's dating Jack and, because they're dating, Jack visits him everyday and that's why Vlad falls in actual love with him.

Maybe, someday, they'll ask Maddie to be their surrogate. Here comes Jazz and Dan and Danny and Dani <surprise triplets. They picked out Daniel and Danielle to be cute because that's what people do to twins, but Dan was hiding behind the other two. Neither Vlad nor Jack is good at naming, so the birth certificates say Daniel, Danielle, and Danley. They got some bombastic side eye from the nurses.>

guys wait this is important

girlies (gn) when wulfert glenn

bullied by the sakura family

a collection of absolute dumbass m9 moments i cherish, (mostly) late campaign edition:

- the fact they full on forgot that dagen wasn't in the know about vess de rogna and consequently put him in the know when fjord was casually suggesting they drop her body somewhere in a creek

- jester "your dad really sucked so i wanted to make him suffer, beau" lavorre

- seven people trying to figure out for way longer than they should need to how to stand in a circle with corresponding hands palms up and palms down

- fjord golem kebab

- nott firing an explosive arrow in her own melee range, killing cad and earning the Death Stare Of The Century from taliesin

- every instance of boulder, parchment, shears

- almost every instance of jester’s sendings

*at a Halloween party*

Kaitlyn: What is "C" for?

Jacob: C4 is a fucking explosive.

Kaitlyn: No, what is "c" for?

Jacob: ..."C" is for cock.

Kaitlyn: *facepalm* What's your costume?

Jacob: Cookie monster.

Kaitlyn: Now what is "c" for?

Jacob: Cookies.

hey so um

his name is lance. hes not the brightest bulb on stage but he's got the heart

In this AU he had hand made pink armor instead of a hand made pink sweater.

The sad saga of not getting this bomb ass teapot.

Love how when Toad sneaks Mario into Princess Peach's castle, the instant he's through the door, the very first thing that man does is walk straight down the middle of the hallway hoping that if he acts casual enough he won't get caught.

As though he wasn't turning every head in The Mushroom Kingdom on his way here??? He doesn't even try to explain anything he just jumps straight to plan B, which is run around like a madman while alerting every guard in the entire castle to his presence.

Like, my GOD he's so dumb and impulsive. I love him to death.