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canyourfavesurvivecastledracula · 2 months

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Okay, so might have been asked before, but Bruce Wayne.

Not Batman. Just Bruce Wayne, little to no tech, Brucie persona in full swing...maybe he's there for some really weird gala or something and is now stuck and doesn't want to blow his cover.

@beabaseball asked:

Would Bruce Wayne (Batman) survive Count Dracula? He's scared of bats!! :(

@goldenzingy46 asked:

could batman survive castle dracula? (either in costume or out of it)

@major-knighton asked:

Could Batman survive Castle Dracula?

Anonymous asked:

I'm sure this has probably been asked, but I couldn't find it via blog search. Could Batman survive Castle Dracula? (Any iteration, with or without Batfam members.)

Ahahahahaha Brucie Wayne, billionaire playboy and Gotham's favoritest darling himbo. Yes good!

I gotta tag @unpretty in this. We all know tumblr batman is the best batman.

As to beabaseball's concern: poor Brucie! He is so afraid of bats! Fortunately for him, Dracula does all his bad batting about in England - he doesn't actually shapeshift at any point in the Castle, presumably for the same reasons he's presenting as Old AF and climbing his own walls like a lizard. Maybe some exceptionally rich blood will help him out with that actually. And for what it's worth, Jonathan does not describe any natural bats frequenting Castle Dracula either. There's nothing alive in the Castle (the wolves, of course, being Outside the Castle). Now would he count things like bats and vermin? He describes the womens' quarters as moth-eaten, so there must be like...moths. (Unless Dracula Did That I suppose). But I am not sure whether that tells us there could be bats and they just weren't worth mentioning, or that there aren't bats because if there were they would have eaten the moths.

I am going to say that there are no bats of any kind at Castle Dracula, so poor Brucie won't have his childhood trauma triggered in that way. I'm sure watching a mother get devoured by wolves won't- yeah.... he's not gonna like this. Sorry Bruce buddy you're in the Dying Parents novel. Whoopsie daisy.

Look there are reasons why Brucie is Gotham's favorite idiot son. He's a good boy. Of course he accepts the crucifix - it's for his mother's sake! Being given a lot of flowers is nothing unusual for him but he accepts them graciously as well. He tips the coachman handsomely (the coachman turns a little green at accepting his money, but Mr Wayne is just so earnest and, he rationalizes it later, it's not like the doomed young man is going to have any further use for it...), and Dracula's Calèche driver as well. He's so sloshed on Slivovitz by the time they get to the Castle (impressive since the bottle appears not to have been opened) that he tries to tip him in real silver (lol classic Brucie having no idea of the value of things - where did he even get that?). He even tries to tip Dracula when he answers the door, presuming him to be the butler. (No, it is late and my servants have all gone to bed. Really? My butler keeps such consistent round-the-clock hours that the tabloids keep asking me if he's a vampire, haha, but I guess he's something special).

On that note, this strange nighttime existence is nothing that out of the ordinary for the billionaire playboy lifestyle. Brucie frequently sleeps in till 2 under normal circumstances - it's not like he needs to get up early to drive his kids to school, he has drivers for that (no one is really sure if Brucie even knows how to drive). Dracula actually finds it a little off-putting how blithely cheerful he remains, almost as if he too is a creature of the night who cares little for the bright voluptuousness of youth ... or maybe he's just that dumb. When Dracula tried to sneak up on him making his toilet he found him actually trying to put his trousers on backwards (and turning around so much in the effort that the sneaking up was harder than Dracula anticipated - Brucie awkwardly explains that his butler usually dresses him, leaving Dracula morbidly fascinated about how he's even alive still).

I... am not sure how the shaving scene goes. I shouldn't think he would startle enough to cut himself. Or might he cut himself on purpose just to see how Dracula reacts? If Dracula makes a grab for his throat dies he blow him a kiss and say "buy me a drink first, darling" ? Did he pack extra shaving mirrors, making Dracula go :/ and consider stealing his stuff early?

Dracula retires muttering each morning "is he as stupid as he seems?? Nobody could be as stupid as he seems..." But he invites him to stay another month and write some fake letters and Brucie is like "who me?? My secretary writes my letters I wouldn't know how to begin" and Dracula has no idea what to do with that. Climbing the walls doesn't bother him, he's from Gotham, people climbing about on walls is your typical Tuesday. In fact, nothing Dracula does seems to get to him and it's getting really frustrating. At one point Dracula cautiously asks him why he's so chill and he's just like "oh you know it's not so different from home, only there we've got this evil clown that murders people. Well that's what they say at least. But my ward Dick, you know, he came from the circus? And apparently murdering people is against the Clown Code so, between you and me, I don't think he exists." And Dracula's just sitting there like "wait what" but also "that doesn't follow at all and I am fascinated by how your brain works" and because Dracula's a cocky SOB he's like "so you don't believe in evil clowns but do you believe in vampires?" And Brucie is like "well everyone says the Batman is a vampire but personally I think the news media made him up like Bigfoot and Armadillos." And Dracula's just like ...wat.

Brucie definitely ends up in the ladies' wing (it's amazing where that man randomly ends up. He gets lost on the way to the bathroom. Maybe he genuinely thought it was his own room). Is he sleeping... or only pretending to? Either way the Girlies aren't the first Femme Fatales to have him under their spell (he's been hypnotized so much...) - but on the other hand he's probably still wearing the crucifix. I don't think that will interrupt the trance though, which might before the best because child death is one of the things he's sensitive about. Dracula carries him back to his room and is like "dang is it just the fact that I've been fasting or is this soft socialite built like a brickhouse???"

So I think Bruce would know better than to remove the crucifix, as I've said, and I also think he'd figure out a way to set an hourly alarm on his watch to break him out of future trances - but does he have the data to figure out the sonic component based just on May 16th or does he need the barking dogs on June 24th as well. I would be willing to give him the possibility of actually being able to understand the Hetman, and also putting together that the people camped out in Dracula's courtyard are probably working for Dracula. Does this mean he won't try to send coded letters - or that he will try, to find out if they get passed to Dracula?

.......okay I don't think he's going to let Dracula get away with going into town with his babysnatching sack. I think when he sees that he's going to act. (Now obviously no one is going to mistake Dracula for him even wearing his suits because the butts don't match). So what does he do? Does he follow him?? Like, I am confident in his ability to make it down the wall even without a grappling hook. He's a whole ninja after all. The Girlies are like ....wait where'd he go? I actually don't know how Dracula effects his babysnatching. I think the funniest option I'd for Bruce (master of disguise) to dress up in Dracula's things (you know how he loves a good cape) and go frighten the villagers first so that they're on high alert when Dracula turns up and he can't find any babies to snatch. I don't know how he could get there first though. His best option is to tail Dracula and then sabotage his efforts by like... knocking over trashcans and things. I dunno. This has kinda gotten away from me.

Okay so assuming he succeeds... what does Dracula do if he can't get a baby? He's got some very opinionated mouths to feed. Maybe he's finally had enough and is like "fine, you can eat the himbo, I'm leaving in a week anyway" and the Girlies are like "so... about that... we tried while you were out (what!?) and he's not here" and Dracula is like "what do you mean he's not here there's nowhere for him to go" and they go and search and find him lounging on something reading the Bradshaw's Guide upside down. And he's like "oh yeah I'm thinking of buying a railroad" and Dracula's like ".......that's upside down" and Brucie is just like "ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that makes so much more sense thanks <3"

Regarding the wolves I... don't think Bruce would choose the Certain Death option. He's got all those kids. (Sadly I can't see a way for him to get Free Baby out of this - maybe it's for the best). And afterwards maybe he stows away in one of those dirt boxes... although if he follows Dracula on the 24th does he ever find the dirt boxes? Eh, he's a brilliant detective, of course he finds them.

Anyway, yes, I do think Batman Brucie Wayne, himbo of Gotham can survive Castle Dracula

(Incidentally I personally believe that Batman does have a superpower and it's Environmental Empathy. Dracula's like ...wtf I didn't order these thunderstorms)

#batman #bruce wayne #brucie wayne #tumblr batman #superheroes #aristocrats #detectives #ninjas

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dragonkick-bootshine · 7 months

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welcome to my blog what has posts on it.

hiyo I’m Slugs! I’m so super normal about fictional characters. brain is currently on 24/7 House MD lockdown but I have a dizzying array of things I never shut up about. also I’m a big ol kinky transsexual faggot furry

I don’t really wanna have a dni or a byf or what have you. so suffice it to say, don’t follow me if you’re under 18 and I block rude and hateful people. other than that whatever man ✌️

spam liking/reblogging is fucking cool and makes me smile. comments on my art make my day. go wild upon this blog of mine

sideblogs: @hegory-grousing - House MD brainrot zone tags: #slugs glams - my ffxiv glams #slugs art - I drawing things sometimes #fave - posts that I want to print out and eat #fifal fafafy - ffxiv poasts my ffxiv characters. say hi if you see me in the wild :3 #funk engine - Lalafell, my main character and excellent little guy (any pronouns) #resplendent fulgor - Au Ra, lizard twink (he) #meline oro - Hrothgar, orange boy cat himbo (he/she) #ancient frenemy - Viera, NPC alt based on [endwalker spoilers lol] (he) #cid purrlond - like Cid Garlond but. catboy. meow

#slugs art #slugs posts

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sarenhale · 2 years

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I spent hours yesterday looking through your Arihel tag, himbo lizard deserves all the scritches

waahhh thank you so much!!! T_T I'm really happy to know you like my lizard boy!!! He loves scritches and will happily receive all of them... he rests his head in your hand. Thank you!! ❤

#here's a cute screenshot of him being happy and sending you love!#answered #ffxiv #arihel

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raevenlywrites · 3 years

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Random tumblr body pillow ads ranked by some criteria I'll make up as I go

1) This fella

Baffling, unique, bonus points for not trying at all to put this spicy lizard in any kind of alluring human posture 7/10

2) Something Something Zelda Shark Himbo

I'll give this points for being something I've actually semi incorporated into my dash. Idk who this big shark fella is but I know hes gay for Link and thats good enough for me 8/10

3) No. No. Why? Why.

MINUS ONE MILLION WHY GOD WHY CUUUUUUUUURSED (if I had to see it so do you)

4) Sexified Video Game Dragon because why not I guess

Just your garden variety dragon furry. Cant decide if it should gain points or lose points for being from a game series I actually love. 5/10 for the confusing indecision factor

5) A twofer

It just looks like Shark Boi is considering making spicy lizard his Lava Girl or something and this amuses me. No rating just present as a sort of palate cleanser

6) Joker (but not that Joker)

Believe it or not I harvested ALL of the above within the span of about 5 mins. But the Joker, the Persona 5 Joker, the character actually relevant to my interests has not appeared since I began this quest. It's fine. I started this in a weird attempt to get tumblr to stop giving me ads for daikons or whatever the fuck they are. 3/10 because I had to fucking scroll for this myself even tho I'm pretty sure I've actually used the tag persona 5 before (not that I can prove it since the tumblr search function is bullshit)

Anyways hopefully that's all of them but probably not so stay tuned I guess

#raevenly shitposts #maybe if i actually WANT to see these ads theyll go away

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testdrivc · 4 years

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hey ! my name’s link , i go by he/they pronouns , am 21+ & live in the cst timezone ! my only personality trait is being a bts , sment & girl groups enthusiast . i’m an aries sun with a pisces moon , which means i can be aggro , am always loud & obnoxious , but am a secretly sensitive softy , so plz be nice to me !!! this is flynn , who’s a soft sweet pisces boy that loves making desserts & getting emotional over literally everything ! here's a link to his dossier page ( some day i’ll get around to making his pinterest board ) which will hopefully give you some deeper insight . i’m excited to be here & write with you all ! like this if you’d like to plot & i’ll fly to your ims , but also feel free to add me on d*scord ( it’s easier for me as well ) : red velvet's himbo#6669 !

* ♡ ╰ jung yoonoh. twenty-three. cismale + he/him ⁄ any time flynn shim is in the test kitchen they play introvert by rich brian. the pisces has been working at that’s amore for two years as a sugar rusher. since then the mooncalf has built a reputation for being gentle & selfless but also gullible & moody. could that be the the reason why their palate enjoys eggs benedict & hash browns ? but it for sure explains why flour stained hands, messy countertops, sleepless nights & sentimental feelings over animal videos remind me of them.

misc. info :

flynn has lived in san francisco all his life.

he learned how to cook from his mother, but even as a kid enjoyed baking more than anything else. so he has minimal regular cooking skills as an adult but can get by. he can and will make desserts for dinner though (which his mom hates).

even as a child, flynn’s dad was unreliable and a bit of a selfish asshole. one of flynn’s first memories was of his dad running out on his family and his mother being brokenhearted over it.

he fluttered in and out of their lives after that though his parents never officially got back together. but he’d always lead flynn’s mother to believe it and use her for various reasons (usually for money). she was never able to turn him away and it gave flynn a lasting impression on men and how they could be. he promised to never be like that.

his household was mostly dominated by women and the occasional boyfriend of his mother’s. it helped him to develop a sense of understanding for women and paired with his already sensitive nature flynn ended up becoming quite the introvert.

he’s really loyal. he would do anything for his mother and his sisters. while he’s quite the softy he does tend to intimidate people who try to date anyone in his family with his large appearance. and he prefers to appear threatening to them though he’s more like a puppy than anything else.

he’s the lone person in his household that’s not straight. as he grew older and became aware of his identity it had a negative impact on him and sometimes he feels ashamed of his attraction to men. while he’s not closeted he’s never dated a man. his mother is a very understanding woman but he’s still afraid to tell her. his sisters on the other hand aware and are very understanding about it.

otherwise he’s kinda happy go lucky? kinda dumb KGHDFJGFH but nice! you can get him to believe anything really. he’s all about conspiracy theories and stuff! yes he thinks there are lizard people in control

he can be a crybaby sometimes but he tries not to randomly burst into tears at work or anything (this doesn’t always work). some days he’ll be fine but then other times he’ll see a picture of a butterfly and start choking up.

he’s pretty aggressive in flirting which is different in comparison to his baby nature but he has an aries venus so what can you do? he’s also pretty flighty and bad at commitment while wanting to just find his “one true love” so you can imagine what that’s like. he also gets crushes really easily. if you looked at him in the eye once or said something nice to him then he’s in love with you and that’s just that’s amore! hq’s burden to bear.

unfortunately as flynn got older his dad stop relying on his mom to bum off of and moved on to his son. he promised him lots of father/son time which is what flynn has secretly wanted all his life but he just dips whenever he gets what he wants. yet flynn is too nice to tell him no or try to push him away. way too gullible for his own good.

he’s a coffee addict. loves it. has to have it every day. he’s all those cringy posts about “don’t talk to me before i’ve had my coffee!”. he watches a lot of cafe vlogs in his spare time but has no idea how to make drinks himself.

he likes hugs a lot! just affection in general. so don’t be surprised if he randomly tries to hold your hand or something.

he can’t handle his alcohol very well. give him a shot of anything and he’ll be plastered out of his mind KHGDFKHGF

he’s really forgetful. he loses his keys all the time. he drops stuff into batter then forgets and ends up making a cake with a ring inside.

he loves to randomly gift people with pastries and candy whether they’re acquaintances or friends or anything really. he just likes to try to make people smile and he figures that sweets are the best way to do it.

wanted connections :

exes (f/nb. i want one serious ex that lasted for months or a year or something. it can be friendly or angsty. then a few more casual relationships. we can discuss!)

hookups / fwbs (any gender. singular experiences or regular type things)

maybe a m/nb that he’s been fooling around with for a little while and is into him and says he wants to commit but flynn is like haha :nervous: and just brushes it off. and yes. angst.

childhood plots for those who’ve lived in san francisco (childhood friends, first kisses / crushes, all that good stuff)

high school sweethearts

flirtationships that don’t go anywhere

office romance

one-sided crushes (don’t mind who has the feelings!)

mutual pining but they’re both idiots and have no idea

party buddies (can be drinking and/or smoking)

tinder date (it can go well or not)

would love some kind of fake office enemy thing like brad leone and alex delany has!

yell at him for never cleaning up the messes he makes and deal with him whining about it!

i have a huge tag full of plots i’d love to do on my rp spam blog. not all of them will be fitting for flynn but just ask me & we can try to change some elements or something!

literally anything you can think of i’m probably down for it!

#amore:intro #▎ °✖ 𝗢𝗞 𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗪𝗡𝗔𝗦𝗦 › out of character .

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asleepinawell · 1 month

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gays in their natural habitat w/ @sntoot

#ffxivmp #mp #himbo lizard boy tag

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asleepinawell · 1 month

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perfect

#ffxivmp #mp #himbo lizard boy tag #lil hyth is laughing at me

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asleepinawell · 1 year

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my background story for my himbo lizard boy wol has always been fairly vague and mostly along the lines of: he grew up in thavnair, his family were fishers who made him learn to fish even though he preferred fighting things, he attempted to fish by just jumping in the water and wrestling fish, and then a giant fish kicked his ass so hard he left home on a journey to grow into a better fighter so he could come back and get revenge (he never did. he got thancred to beat up the fish for him and now it lives in an aquarium in his house)

but I was thinking of elpis and the wol being told to relate the whole story from the beginning to the elpis squad and like...this boy cannot stay focused on a long story like that, he doesn't have a single braincell, if you tell him to relate the story from the beginning he's gonna go way too far back and spend half an hour complaining about the fish that beat him up back home

and there's hythlodaeus in the corner quietly making notes about this fascinating fish. notes he will find in his pocket after he returns home and turn into a concept leading to the creation of the fish ancestor of the wol's nemesis. the circle of stupidity is complete

other things that probably happened in elpis:

1) the wol almost definitely made some vague comment to hermes that hermes then recalled later as he looked down at meteion and inspired his decision to destroy the world. the comment would have been something you'd expect to find on one of those awful motivational posters that has some trite phrase over a stock photo of the ocean

2) the wol asked venat "have you ever wondered what the ancients really are?" (he probably read a conspiracy theory on tumblr) but he had a brain slip (without the brain part) and said "have you ever sundered what the ancients really are?" and venat was like hmmm while taking notes

3) wol told emet he looked "out of shape" and "not at 110%" in the future and offered to teach him his exercise routine. this would have happened in the middle of him relating how emet was going to have everyone he knew die and then murder millions of people. hyth prevented another murder from taking place but also took notes on the exercise routine and later built a home gym based on them. azem used it regularly. emet threatened to divorce both of them. soon after, emet unmade azem's favorite barbell in a fit of pettiness leading to them squabbling, a fight which started out serious and then drifted into more mundane topics like should we summon zodiark. azem took his gym and left

4) grani bit the wol. this didn't have any far-reaching consequences but it made him sad and he wants you to know

the legend himself:

#ffxivmp #mp #himbo lizard boy tag #he is...the most stupidest boy in the world...dos equis #big of heart and dumb of ass #he was just trying to help #if the wol had stayed in the ancient world hyth would have hired him immediately #and with their powers combined they would have caused the fall of society before meteion had a chance #ffxiv #just occurred to me that the wol complaining about the fish is like emet ranting about venat in ultima thule #the poor kid is really emet's spiritual successor in that specific way #'i was personally victimized by a fish/venat'

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