#begone imposter syndrome!
Text
God, what is it with brains not working? Like Im here, Im present, ready to write and nothing. Quiet. Silence.
LET ME WRITE SEMI SMUT TOUCHES, LET ME WRITE ABOUT PINING AND GAZES AND WANDERING HANDS BURNING TO GRIP AT OUR WAIST!
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
was so worried about my second assignment but i ended up getting 82% and my tutor really liked my story and script
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
had my 1-2-1 with my manager today and he straight up asked me if my confidence issues were general or medical and I just. didn't know how to respond. the answer is yes 👍
#he did say it was up to me to talk about it btw he's a nice guy#but I was like. damn you read the notes I put on our 121 template? and that i said i felt wobbly with my confidence? damn#very surreal discussing my overthinking and imposter syndrome with him#maybe I do need a therapist actually. or something. because he isn't my therapist but talking about it was nice?#anyway. personal post begone.#me#ramblings
5 notes
·
View notes
Link
Ohhh, holy SHIT! My entry got (squeaked!) through to the next round of the NYC Midnight Rhyming Story Challenge. Not bad going for something I wrote in two bloody hours! I'll try to give myself a bit more time for this one, eh?
We’ll be getting prompts – and feedback on the 1st round entry – soon, but the last one, if you’re interested, in my assigned group had to be a rhyming horror story with a theme of “after-hours” and a mention of “energetic”. In 600 words or less.
The after-hours and energetic were easy enough. The horror needed more build, so I’ll be taking the original entry and expanding it sometime – it only need a handful more stanzas to get an actual acceleration into the dénouement...
Anyway: EXCITING!
#Rhyming Story Challenge#nycmidnight#writing competition#creative writing#RhymingStoryChallenge#poetry#imposter syndrome begone!#fay speaks
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
anyway thank you to the queens and wives in my phone who were kind to me today 🥹💖 there is hope i do have another potential scholarship source i just need to go through the application process again......... but we can do it!!!!!!!
#um i just finished giving a talk to an environmental justice law centre and i rmred that i am useful and knowledgeable and NOT unworthy!!!!#i am useful outside of academia!!!!!! i am an expert in my research area!!!!! imposter syndrome BEGONE BE BANISHED#ily all soooooooo much
1 note
·
View note
Text
Ramblings Reuploaded #2
My Trans story so far (2024)
Hoi there, and happy trans day of visibility. I can't possibly be more vissible then this right? I had to share my story with someone a few months back when i came out to them, and ever since then i had the idea of making it my next post in this inconsistent and confusing series.
I say series because this is part two. Here's part 1 on...sonic cd. yup.
So the format is simple. I take something i already typed and try to make it more legible for a blog type racket. No reason not to get right into it. Beware of typos, and transphobes begone!
I'm a kid in a barber shop. My grandpa is talking up a storm to some random clerk. I'm extremely bored. There are some toys though. Poly pocket. I never seen these before. These are so cool. I wish i had one of these but they don't make boy versions right?
Some time in 2022, I was at work dealing with closing cleaning type things which let my mind wander. I started thinking about a fairly innocuous interaction I had in FFXIV no earlier then 2021.
The race I wanted to play was gender locked so I was playing as a female character. Two players starting joking around with me and the whole time they used fem pronouns for me. I didn't think too much about it back then but on that day in late 2022 it made me question why I was so ok with that use of language towards me
That was the day my egg cracked.
I spent the rest of 2022 trying desperately to figure out what my relationship to gender was. Just what the heck was I and did that even mean anything? Maybe I was gender fluid. It was hard to feel fem at work. Or oh! Maybe i'm just a drag queen in the making. But why did I not want that to be true and did that mean anything? Well clearly i wasn't actually trans right? Nevermind that gender fluid was trans. I thought maybe that I only felt that way because I was playing a character. So I made up my mind. In 2023, at the start of a new year I would begin to experiment.
It's around the era of the nintendo wii and something is bothering me feircly. I spent days on my gamecube on my tiny crt and realized I was picking princess peach a lot on my precious 'cube. I confide in my friend that I really must have a crush on her. When pressed I can't say why. I'm so glad he doesn't embarss me for my stupid feelings. It was a little weird I didn't like her as much in that one game though. Not my fault she just looked better in a dress.
I stopped cutting my hair and started trimming my beard and prized mustache so I was always smooth and baby faced. Anyone who asked I simply told them that it was a new year and a new me. Except for my friends who were the first to know.
My imposter syndrome was HIGH. And it remaind so for a long time. so afraid was I that I was actually, secretly, a fake trans. I had no evidence for this except piss poor self confidence. I only talked myself out of it much later with the idea that "Being trans and just really thinking you're trans is functionally the same so it doesn't mater if i'm 'fake' "
Unfortunately, my friend group wasn't doing a lot of online gaming at the time. I got a little desperate to see if my new pronouns fit. To my shame I basically asked one of them to contrive reasons to put pronouns into a sentence so they had reasons to use my new ones. They did not oblige.
Another pokemon game for my precious nintendo 3ds. I pick the girl because clearly they'll have better fashion options. I had just learned my lesson from Pokemon Y. No other reason. A few other simular things. I pick up megaman zx for the first time and choose the girl because, obviously, only female megaman.
I got a break when I was invited to a short lived DND group. I started hanging out with a separate friend group I was already beginning to know before gender stuff started. With ample chances to try my gender out I realized that something felt right.
So I went deeper. I remember wandering around a good will trying not to draw ire or eyes as I went and both tried on a dress and managed to bring it home. The few times I wore it felt great. Would feel much better if it actually fit.
It's my childhood again and i'm sat in front of the ps1 with my little brother. Namco museum only had one true co-op game. Toy Pop. I pick the girl so he won't have to.
In days to come I kept experimenting. I started to realize all the small signs. You already know many of them. I've peppered them througout my story. Unbeknownst to me I had already started to experiment with gender. Awhile ago I, once again trying not to get attention, bought some thigh highs from a party store. I really enjoyed wearing those. Everyone except for me knew I was trans before me, including me.
When I was dead certain on my path I set up an appointment with planned parenthood. I told my grandparents I was simply heading to Dave and busters which was technically not untrue. I began my medical transition but I was also urged to come out to people. I couldn't live in the closet forever. So I did so with my very obviously gay manager… And it went nothing like I expected. It went well, but not how I thought. I ended up coming out to the whole work force as well.
The right wing had tricked me into thinking any "regular" person would react with shock and confusion on a reveal of my new gender identity. All the media I consumed had colaborated this.
I'm just entering furry twitter when I see quite a few posts of male characters in dresses, usuasly of the maid variety. How cute, i think. I'm allowed to do this one because it's a shared joke. So i draw the one dress.
And then a few more.
"I wish I could look as good as my characters do right now"
Eventually I managed to come out to my grandparents. They were confused but attempting to be accepting. Things have mostly been rocky in the sense that they haven't made any effort to treat me the way I ask, but they don't deny me. The parents who raised me are forbidden to know their daughter.
I even came out to my astranged mother. (seperate from my step mother mention a second ago). When I was in highschool she moved back in town and we started to rekindled our relationship. Being the first to know I was ace, it was a shock when she became a born again christian. I thought she'd never accept me and I was almost right. Behind closed doors she tells my younger sister to not refer to me by my pronouns, or so i'm told.
After I was out for awhile something weird happened and I stopped.. Policing my own behavior. How I held myself. The words I used. I was my own women. I didn't need to fit into a box. The more I went on the more free I felt!
I started holding my hands in gay little ways. I crossed my legs. I walked however the hell I wanted. I used 'hon' whenever i felt like it. I wore this cute little collar I owned out to my weekly dnd meetings. Who cares. I'm me now. This cat can't be boxed.
The longer I've been on this journey the more I felt right. And here we are now. A two year or more journey still ongoing
It's 2023 and i'm attempting to put on eyeliner for the first time. It goes horribly. I laugh, inform my friends of my mistake, and we play games through the night. I wear my favorite of the two dresses. I ask them if it's ok to do so. They laugh. What and absurd thing to ask. Why would a woman not be allowed to wear a dress?
I would like to thank a huge number of people for their help in my journey but my brain is mush so i'll try to get as many as I can
@tuttifruttifox my ex who's been supportive of my journey and put up with my experimentation
@biddyfox girl you are my sister and I couldn't have done this without you. Thank you so much for everything.
@bigbadkingboomboo for casually replying to my nervous bullshit with "ma'am this is mcdonalds" which was simultaneously very funny and very affirming.
@cynical-cy for being you. Honestly just being a out trans woman who's art I happened to enjoy did wonders I think. Sorry to tag you. I know we're not really friends.
@patricia-taxxon that one fucking video you made on just being a furry and doing your own thing litterally changed me. You made me stop hidding who and what i am.
Honorable mentions to my friend xio. he doesn't do tumblr, but He's been my best friend through everything and his support is invaluable to me. I love you buddy.
if you think you should be on this list too, let me know and i'll add you cause honestly it takes a village to raise a catgirl.
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Busted out my 5 brush pens for the first time in actual months because of a mutual today 😌 the truth is that art is healing to the soul - real art, real creation, without inhibition or expectations, and that experience does get threatened by an ever-increasing competitiveness in online spaces to get hits and views. A competition that drives some to thievery in their quest, thanks for the reminder James Somerton et al.
Anyway. Imposter syndrome begone. Here, have the wonkiest and most anatomically-questionable little guy ever. I made him a blue-haired anime girl too, because I can.
#non dd#my art#ravenart#idk i just wanted to share#doodle#doodlysketch#kinda proud of the duckies ngl#ig this is what the main character in my head looks like#if they were the spawn of slenderman
9 notes
·
View notes
Note
You're doing great, writing is hard but have assurance in your abilities. Begone imposter syndrome. Clap clap*
Awww, this is so nice !! That was the perfect encouragement to motivate me, thank you very much !
#super mario bros#I feel just a bit bad because in the chapter I'm writing Mario and Luigi are both getting bullied a bit XD#And I feel bad ! Because look at them ! Most precious beans!!#answers
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have to say, I have noticed a major shift in Love is War between Season 1 & 2. Of course, one of the reasons I like Love is War when I normally hate this genre is that the show builds on itself rather than remaining stagnant. But one shift in particular is bugging me: Shirogane.
Shirogane was my favorite character in Season 1 and for a pretty simple reason: he was born into poverty and worked his way to the top of the social ladder at a prestigious school through sheer grit and hard work, yet still struggles with feelings of inadequacy and imposter syndrome. His character isn't anything groundbreaking, but it's a very compelling, relatable, and even motivating portrayal.
Here's the issue, though. By Season 2, the all important imposter syndrome that kept his character balanced is just kinda...shoved to the background, if it's still there at all. Shirogane at this point is just a chad, and for the most part, he knows it. In Season 1, Kaguya was always planning twenty steps ahead, but both Kaguya and Shirogane were clearly invested in their little war game. At that time, the two of them couldn't even ask each other for a pity ride home without making it a cat-and-mouse game. In Season 2, Kaguya is still like that, but Shirogane...just kinda isn't. Take the moon episode, he just casually starts throwing his arms around Kaguya and cuddling her like it's nothing. He's embarrassed about it a bit after the fact, but how this sudden confidence fits in with his imposter syndrome seems unclear at best.
Hell, take the intros. The Season 1 intro was always clear to mirror the two, if Shirogane blushed so did Kaguya and vice versa. The Season 2 intro on the other hand is just Kaguya simping over Shirogane while he stands just shy of telling her to "begone, thot." It might not be so bad if Kaguya was upping her game as well, but she's about at the same level as she was in Season 1. There's no war anymore, Shirogane wins, regardless of who confesses, Kaguya is a blushing mess and Shirogane is smooth as can be.
Ok, character development is always good, but it feels so off. If Shirogane is suddenly so confident around Kaguya, why is he still holding off on a confession? The explanation for why he's waiting for her to confess is supposedly that he's self-conscious about their status gap, reasonably so perhaps, but at this point that self-consciousness doesn't seem to manifest in any other way.
To be honest, I entertained the thought Shirogane was just supposed to be on a total ego trip for a while and was maybe just toying with Kaguya. But then his rejection of Ai (best girl cough) Hayasaka made clear he's still loyal enough to Kaguya to turn down a hot as hell girl directly coming onto him. He still has his morals and isn't lost to ego, and if the temptation is even there it's not apparent.
At this point, Shirogane's character just feels confused. The plot is trying to hold onto the last semblance of Shirogane's former inferiority complex to keep the central conflict unresolved, but the rest of his personality has just ascended to demi-god. He comes off as borderline flawless, but the story is desperately trying to ignore this conclusion and insist that no, Shirogane is still self-conscious.
Take the election arc. Shirogane, who has nothing but his academics and student council work fitting him into such an elite academy, practically throws half his lead out of pity and kindness towards his opponent. How do they reconcile this with his supposed lingering imposter syndrome? They make it abundantly clear that Miko is a clown who doesn't stand a snowball's chance in hell. It all but completely dodges the potential character dilemma.
Even when Shirogane is occasionally revealed to have something he isn't perfect at, like with the singing episode, he's one Chika montage away from being the best like no one ever was.
Honestly it's all pretty ironic. Shirogane's goals and actions are the central driving point of most of the story at this point, yet his character motivations have for some reason completely fallen by the wayside. I feel like someone reading this is gonna "laugh in read the manga", but whatever the case, it's really jarring how much Shirogane shifted between seasons, especially when the rest of the characters feel more or less the same.
The writing wants to have its cake and eat it too, to keep the character built up in Season 1 without actually reinforcing Shirogane's character flaws. What we're left with is a character who comes off one step shy of Jesus, yet is still supposedly too self-conscious to confess to his crush. Perhaps this could make for a somewhat fascinating character, but as stands it feels totally disconnected.
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
imposter syndrome begone i know that kuntenserven is print worthy
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okay guys, Im finally home!
Rooted in your Love Part 5 to come out in the next 30 to 45 minutes!
The changing relationships between us and the lovely Papas will now be written to be more evident!
But do not worry! I just wanted to be clear that yes, the main ship is still Cardinal Copia x Reader.
Our Hanahaki is still for the lovely Cardinal.
#rooted in your love fic#Imposter syndrome really has ne in a chokehold today but no matter!#begone thot!
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Terrifying Truth -Ramy on The Travelers Podcast
youtube
Imposter syndrome begone
You belong here and you are amazing and we love you
0 notes
Text
(July 23 - July 28th)
Due to a very eventful birthday weekend, this log's just a tiny bit late. I had an amazing time doing a bookshop crawl around my city that involved seeing some great sights, picking up some good books, and needling my friends into listening to my many many suggestions. Following that day up with a double feature of Barbie and The Haunted Mansion did a great job of rounding everything out. I had a wonderful time and it was one of the better birthdays I've had in a while.
Now that I'm getting to the end of a three day birthday weekend, going back to my regular schedule feels depressing. It feels like I'm staring down the barrel of imposter syndrome, financial anxiety, and constant overworking. I can never recharge enough, knowing that tomorrow is just going to take more from me. I know it's something every adult faces, but it doesn't make it easier. Sorry to leave the update on such a sour note but, ya know, if I can't scream into the void every once in a while when can I do it?
Books Finished:
Begone the Raggedy Witches by Celine Kiernan (3/5)
Darkly She Goes by Hubert and Vincent Mallie (3/5)
Last Bus to Everland by Sophie Cameron (Review) (4/5)
A Kind of Paradise by Amy Rebecca Tan (4/5)
The False Prince by Jennifer A. Nielsen (4/5)
Books Currently Reading:
Les Misérables by Victor Hugo (55% done)
Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor (49% done)
Books to Read Next:
A Snake Falls to Earth by Darcie Little Badger
Grounded for All Eternity by Darcy Marks
DNFs:
Incarceron by Catherine Fisher - Got almost halfway before I realized that I wasn't really absorbing much of the material. It has an interesting concept, but I don't think it executes it very well through a very basic writing style. There is a decent mystery aspect, and it seems like it has a lot to offer to those who like YA dystopias that center around elements of escape, survival, and corrupted beings in power. It's not really my genre so it probably didn't stand much of a chance.
0 notes
Note
How about... 9, 12, and 13 for writer asks?
Ask Game
9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know.
I do not, not really. I do believe in a healthy amount of skepticism with which I safeguard myself and avoid potential Situations, though.
12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules.
Wish of "horrid adhd begone, please let me actually write consistently". Wish of "don't let me be a fucking hack" I know that's imposter syndrome, but lord. And Wish of "Instinctually know how to use punctuation marks."
1 note
·
View note
Text
I'm going to be on a podcast tomorrow and the nerves are getting to me. Don't get me wrong, am I excited? Yes! Is it a good opportunity? Yes! Did I volunteer for this? Yes! Am I also terrified? ABSOLUTELY! But sometimes you have to do hard things even if they're scary.
Honestly I'm not sure what's worse, talking to people I don't know or talking to people I don't know about MY art. I've been active in the local art scene for like, a year and a half so you think I'd be better at it by now but nah. idk what it is about someone asking me about my art that just makes me freeze and have a deer in the headlights reaction but I need to get the fuck over it. Begone imposter syndrome! I'm decent at art! And I put a lot of thought and work into it! And it's okay to be proud of myself gdi!
idk man pray for me I guess
#personal#it's a combo of anxiety/imposter syndrome/autism#I'll be okay I'm just going to be internally screaming the whole time
0 notes
Text
About: Alleilyn Willowwing
Tagged by @curiousartemis for this a few days ago, but getting around to it now lol. So cool to learn some more about Imi!
And now, a good character page for Alleilyn! Adding a Read More cause it’ll probably be lengthy.
Name: Alleilyn Willowwing
Alias: Leilie. It’s a penname she uses when she writes to Ayrenn (who has her own alias). Their letters are mostly personal, but it’s a precaution incase their letters fall into the wrong hands. Ayrenn is a Queen, after all. (Lore wise, I think Bosmeri use a special type of paper called vellum, if they write at all, with a special type of ink. So I might find a work around with magic.)
Gender: Female.
Age: 24.
Species: Bosmer (Wood Elf)
Zodiac: aquarius / aries / cancer / capricorn / gemini / leo / libra / pisces / sagittarius / scorpio / taurus / virgo / unknown
Abilities/ Talents: Alleilyn is skilled in alchemy, restoration, and is well-learned in her knowledge of anatomy. She’s also worked closely with the Vinedusk Rangers, so on top of field medicine, Alleilyn has also been a scout, and can track/ hunt with a bow fairly well. Finally, Alleilyn is also a skilled necromancer, but she isn’t particularly proud of it; as she recovers her memories, she slowly pieces together how and why she has this skill in the first place. (I saw a writing prompt once about how healing and necromancy are similar, and I thought it would add an interesting layer to her character & story.)
~ Personal ~
Alignment: lawful / neutral / chaotic / good / neutral / evil / true
Religion: Alleilyn follows Yfrre. (My knowledge of tes universe religions isn’t that great tbh)
Sins: Envy / Greed / Gluttony / Lust / Pride / Sloth / Wrath
Virtues: Charity / Chasity / Diligence / Humility / Justice / Kindness / Patience
Language(s): The common tongue of Tamriel, and Bosmeri, though I’m not sure if the Bosmer officially have their own language.
Family: Alleilyn was close with her mother and her sister, Nivaia, but she never really knew her father, as he died when she was young. Her mother, since she raised them both on her own, doted on them and saw to their education and skills, so they could be independent. Nivaia (28) joined the Vinedusk Rangers, and helped against the Blacksap rebellion, but she died in the battle of Cormount. (Does backstory count as spoilers when Alleilyn is recovering memories in story?) Although she was never quite the same after Nivaia died, Alleilyn still remained close with her mother until she was sent, unwillingly, to Coldharbour.
Friends: Alleilyn has always preferred a good book to socializing, but she did make lasting friendships when she studied and practiced with the Mages Guild and the rangers. There was never any time, or will, for friendships while she was in Coldharbour; so even after her escape, she initially thinks of Lyris and the Prophet as tentative allies. She doesn’t know what to make of Razum-dar either, but after awhile, he starts to grow on her.
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual / Bi-Pansexual / Homosexual / Demisexual / Asexual / Unsure / Other
Relationship Status: Single / Dating / Married / Widowed / Open relationship / Divorced / Not ready for dating / It’s complicated (with the planemeld and getting her soul back, it’s the last thing on her mind. Of course, life doesn’t always take intentions into account... 😏)
Libido: Sex god / Very High / High / Average / Low / Very low / Non-existent
In unofficial lore, or so I’ve read, Bosmer have the highest sex drive of all the races 😂 so that’ll be fun once I get to Romance (within reason).
~ Physical ~
Build: Twig / Bony / Slender / Average / Athletic / Curvy / Chubby / Obese
Hair: White / Blonde / Brunette / Red / Black / Other - caramel brown/ blonde
Eyes: Brown / Blue-gray / Green / Black / Other
Skin: Pale / Fair / Olive / Light Brown / Brown / Very Brown / Other
Height: 5′2
Weight: 110
Scars: Knife wound above heart, whipping wounds on her back.
Facial Features: She has an almost gaunt, but youthful heart-shaped face with wide eyes, green as the deep woods, sharp eyebrows, an upturned nose, and full lips. Freckles are scattered over her cheeks and nose.
Hair Style: Alleilyn usually wears her hair in a braid or updo when she’s traveling, doing missions on behalf of Ayrenn, or working with patients/ alchemy. When she isn’t busy, or is doing light work, she’ll keep her hair down. If she’s roped into a formal/ political event, Alleilyn will wear a more ornate style, with complex braids or buns.
Tattoo(s): None. She might consider one though, depending on what it is or why she would get it.
~ Choose ~
Dogs or cats? I’m not sure she’d get a house cat, but I can totally see her with a senche cub. Undecided on how she’ll get one though—as a gift from Ayrenn, or maybe she rescues one in the wild.
Birds or nugs? I’ll be honest, I have no idea what nugs are.
Snakes or spiders? She’s not afraid of snakes exactly, but she’s not fond snakes after dealing with the Maomer.
Red or blue?
Yellow or green? (She doesn’t have any particular favorite colors, so I’ll assume these are for aesthetic)
Black or white? 🤷♂️
Coffee or tea? I’m not exactly sure how it fits into the Green Pact, if they can, but Alleilyn buys teas from merchants that come from outside Valenwood. She tries not to make it obvious though, when around other Wood Elves.
Ice cream or cake? Alleilyn enjoys her treats when she can.
Fruits or vegetables? She follows the Green Pact pretty strictly, so her diet is mostly meats, nuts and dairy.
Sandwich or soup?
Magic or melee? Alleilyn isn’t much of a fighter, but she will fall back on conjuration magic in desperate situations.
Sword or bow? If she must use a weapon, and not a staff, Alleilyn will use a bow. She hunted frequently with Nivaia and the other rangers, so she has an accurate aim.
Summer or winter? Alleilyn is used to the heat and humidity of Valenwood, even if she doesn’t remember it right away.
Spring or autumn? Alleilyn has learned to be appreciative of life, especially in the jungle, which is rife with it everywhere. Spring is a time of rebirth, but autumn is the time before winter—or hardship—which is equally necessary in life.
The Past or The Future? Ironically enough, despite having little to no memories before the prisons and misery of Coldharbour, Alleilyn feels almost trapped by the past. She doesn’t know how she got there, what she could have possibly done to deserve her fate, and ultimately, who she is. The only tangible memories she has is being tortured, and nightmares of her tormenters.
Well...that got dark. It does get better for her, I promise. Anyway, I’m not exactly sure who to tag for this but I’ll list other writers: @daedriclorde, @parasite-core, @stardust-crow, @maxgraybooks, @pearlll09, and anyone else who’s interested!
#tag game#writeblr#fanfic#oc: alleilyn willowwing#got a new laptop!#it's weird being on desktop rather than mobile#anyway I'm probably going to change my wip name#it is a wip after all#to be honest i've never finished a long term-ish project#there's so much potential in the themes and stuff but im not sure I'm a skilled enough writer to pull it off#But. I'll be a better writer by giving it my best shot#begone imposter syndrome!
4 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
