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worldseer · 25 days

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Unpopular JJK opinion.

If I die in flames for this, I may as well die standing. Fanon Toji is just wrong. Like- that's not him.

Walk with me-

First and foremost to remind y'all:

Toji was abused for much of his life growing up, and likely never recovered from that

Mamaguro is the first and only woman he loved, the one who changed him and made him better. His habit afterwards and likely before was to just go from rich woman to rich woman to get money. It's unsaid if he had relationships with them, but it's more likely he just did jobs for them in between assignments.

He has a gambling addiction, likely because it gave him a sense of choice and control over things in his life. He wanted to feel like he could win at something, if not at being loved and revered by the Zenins. He is not addicted to money itself, or frugal about things.

While not THE BEST father, he only wanted to have Megumi given to the Zenin Clan because he believed he would be treated better and thrive there. Living in luxury and adored for your cursed technique is better than living with a non-sorcerer who struggles to keep money. Hell Megumi is NAMED Megumi because he's a blessing.

Now that that is out of the way, here is the unpopular opinion part. TOJI IS NOT THE LOVER YOU ALL WRITE HIM TO BE! HE'S NOT SOME KINKY DADDY WHO WILL DEGRADE AND BULLY YOU OR STEAL YOUR MONEY. And now I will explain why- 1. By example of Mamaguro, Toji notably softened and let go of bad habits. Yes, including his assassin job and gambling (so no worries about him stealing money). If in fanfic we're writing that he loves you, then yeah, he's gonna be a sarcastic sweetheart. Probably teases you a lot, but still cares and makes effort to show it.

2. As a man who worked a job as a literal assassin, I highly doubt he would want to ever be rough in intimate settings. He wants to keep the violent sides of himself as FAR AS POSSIBLE away from those he loves. So no rough kinky stuff, sorry. He's not gonna consistently degrade you or leave rough marks and bruises from grabbing and tossing you around in bed. He wants you safe, and not to see the man he was before.

3. As a man who was abused, he will likely be polarizing at times. Sometimes he avoids touch, and other times he's all over you asking for attention. He will want comfort, care, and gentle touches. Like the biggest lap dog you've ever seen. Please just compliment him, kiss him and hold him, he needs the reassurance. Or give him his space, and let him be but don't forget to offer something to cheer him up (like meat and offal).

4. He can be VERY bitter, but not overly angry. We know he still has a deep grudge against the Zenin clan and jujutsu society as a whole. It wouldn't be uncommon to see him possibly seething and stewing in silence, or hold more grudges. That being said, they likely wouldn't be held against you (if he loves you). He's cool and level-headed, and rarely lets emotion get the better of him (save for combat).

Thanks for coming to my TED talk, I care too much about characters.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #toji fushiguro #toji zenin #fushiguro #toji x reader #jjk toji #toji smut #toji x you #fushiguro toji #jjk spoilers #jjk smut #jjk x reader #jjk fanfic #jjk fushiguro #jjk fandom #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen spoilers #jujutsu sorcerer

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lordoftherazzles · 9 months

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Fanfic is supposed to be fun first and foremost.

The amount of disrespect I have seen lately regarding creators is both shocking and disgusting, especially when coming from other creators, and I honestly can't stay quiet about it any longer.

Maybe I'm looking at a lot of this very closely considering I've recently taken an indefinite break from one part of creating I once really enjoyed due to such disregard for my time and effort (rip gif making), but to see such careless comments and treatment for fic authors too??? BY OTHER FIC AUTHORS???

Isn't the world already cruel enough? We should be inviting in positivity and appreciation for the works of others. To celebrate the victories and accomplishments around something that is already nerve wrecking enough as it is. We should not be cultivating a circle where tearing authors apart is acceptable, regardless of if you liked a story or not.

Would you want it done to your works???

Fandom spaces should be fun. Fanfic is a free thing, typically done in what little free time we writers have, and shared with other people for the sake of having FUN. We are not professionals. This is not our full time job. We are not paid for it. Yet to treat fanfic like a professional literary circle is just...wrong. Criticism (constructive only, and when asked for it) is fine, and if you want to shit talk in your DMs to someone else, go for it, but to outright tear someone apart for their FREE fanfic that they wrote to HAVE FUN and ENJOY the fandom with other people in a public space for all eyes (including the author themselves) to see?

Gross.

We are all from different walks of life, and have different experiences that impact why we may or may not go about fic a certain way. Some of us don't speak English as our first language, and some don't go about having a beta reader, or are on a time crunch for an event, etc. You don't know someone's life, and have zero right to talk down another creator because they don't meet your small narrow-minded criteria of what is “good”. What's “bad” and “tear apart” worthy to you, may be a gem of a story to someone else.

There is no room for “if you hated xyz's work, come talk about it with us!”, and if this is something you feel is welcome in any community, fandom, social setting....DO BETTER.

And do not interact with me.

#writer positivity #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom #spread positive vibes #i'm so annoyed at all of this it's insane #bagginshield #only because i'm seeing this happen in that particular corner of my fandom...#and people wonder why fic authors are disappearing or abandoning their works...#razzy rants

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night-dazai · 1 month

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Uhm, hey

I just recently came across your blog and I am amazed at your talent and Inlove with your writting style, If you don't mind, I want to request a Chuuya fanfic, where reader is babysitting for one of her friends/ she's playing with a kid, and chuuya sees her and suddenly gets baby fever!

-🌹(Can I be rose a non? If not 🪷?)

First and foremost "I AM SORRY " I have been not feeling too good and work has been hard for a while, I will soon start uploading.

Love you sure can be any flower you like 🌹, Rose this also got a little lot bigger than I wanted to 😅

Tags: smut, female reader, vagina sex, pussy slapping, rough sex.

[Chuuya would be an amazing father from my view and saw this picture on Pinterest and felt like must put this for this 😍]

“Aww come here “ you clapped your hands as the tiny blonde baby crawled to you while Gin stood next to you smiling through her mask and brightly rattling the toy “That a good baby “ you said lifting it while the child giggled at the way you lifted it high and low.

When some clients made a request and for some reason, they had a kid or even if one of the members had a kid and could not leave them alone at home you and Gin were their caretakers. You could not do any work in port mafia cause you did not like it but that does not stop you from liking your boyfriend.

All your life you have had a normal life, school, college and friends, part-time work, internship and so on. You love your boyfriend whom you met at the bar three years ago.

He was always afraid to tell you about his profession thinking you might leave him but “ just because I cannot work in the mafia does not mean you should, but ..” you held his hand tightly as the string into the ocean blue eyes “ you won't get hurt and lave me right ?” you asked voice filled with worry and anxiety.

Chuuya blinked “You are not scared ?” he asked when you shook your head. Not knowing what to do the man burst into laughter and hugged you (also the first time he had touched you in a month into your relationship ) “Never love never will I leave you “.

Everyone in Port Mafia knew you and no one dared to touch you, you and Gin hit it off for being the youngest girls there. Now again you both were in Chuuya’s office playing with the baby “Y/n the meeting is over “ Gin said opening the door and peeking outside.

“Ahh so soon, “ you said kind of disappointed, you have always liked babies and they were also naturally attracted to you. Rubbing your nose with the child you earned another giggle “Time to go to mommy “ you said and turned to see your boyfriend looking at you but his hat hid his expression “ Gin tell the boss I won't be able to come to work this weekend “ he muttered and left the place.

Confused you stood there holding the child blinking while the kid played with your shirt “Is he doing something else, mission ?” you asked going near Gin to give the child while she shook her head “Then what is he doing this weekend ?” the questions stood very big on your mind.

For the past few days and you were sure it is almost a month now, chuuya has not been looking at you properly and has been buried in work and now this? You were not mad at him for working but he is not being with you, you did not need sex or anything just holding his hand or lying on his lap watching TV. But he always found reasons to say no “Not now love “and “I am in a call doll later okay “ he would not even look at you properly.

Anxiety and fear started occupying your mind for the past few weeks “Is he bored? “ “Have I been too clingy he does not like me ?” and more thoughts kept playing in your head when you flinched hearing the sound of the doorbell ring.

After having the cold dinner you sat in the hall waiting for Chuuya, waiting for the bell sound. The moment you heard it you dashed to the door “Chu!” you said. Not fully smiling but tired “Hey “ he said removing his shoes “I had dinner out and you can go sleep it would be better I have a little more work “ he said kissing your head while removing his hat and coat and hanging them in their respective hangers.

Unable to keep your thoughts to yourself “Chu… please “ you said which almost came as a whisper holding his shirt end “Y/n?” he asked turning confused at your behaviour. But your face hung low looking at the floor tears at the cliff threatening to spill any second “You….you don't love me anymore ?” you asked collecting all the courage in your body.

But the moment the question left your lips you felt a numb body going loose, you left his shirt while the ginger head turned to you “ WHAT !” his voice was high panic and fear were felt in it. His hands grabbed yours and brought it near his face “Why.. Love why would get such a question “ he asked and when getting closer to you did he notice the tears running down your face?

“Did someone tell her something ? “ he thought and hugged you pulling you to the couch he rubbed your back in soothing circles trying to calm you down “Talk to me please, why this sudden question? “ he asked.

“You ..” you sobbed and spoke in broken terms and words “You…never see my face……sleep….no…avoid me…” you said and held his shirt in thigh fists.

Hearing the reasons Chuuya could do nothing but feel guilty cause he did avoid you, he knew. He knew the moment he saw you in his office playing with the kid having your hair colour while the child called your mom and you answered it. All these should have been pure and lovely thoughts but this thought went straight to his cock.

Twitching he shifted in his pants, that night while making love to you all he could think about was how to remove the fucking condom and impregnate you. After that seeing you with a child or just seeing you got him thinking about a family but “Am I worth it ?” his thoughts haunted him. Blood, revenge, and violence were the world he lived in can he make sure you and the child were always safe? That the child will have a normal life what if he hurts the child, he still cannot control corruption without Dazai.

Mind filled with all these thoughts he realised he had been avoiding you and making you anxious and now after explaining the reason he could not look at you straight in the eye as you stared at him without any expression.

Cheeks flushing red, plagued with guilt and embarrassment he rubbed his head “ I am sorry I made you feel this way but I never meant to avoid you “ he said.

After looking at him for one more second you started giggling for which he looked up at you confused and after seeing his expression you just burst out laughing more “So that's what it was “ you said wiping the tears from your face.

Hugging him you sat on his lap, kissing his face, lips and neck you mumbled near his ear “Then fuck me till I am overflowing with your seed love “. Voice husky and low made him growl and shit while grabbing your hips firmly “Don't play love, you did not lis-” he could not finish his words as a moan left his lips with you sucking his neck “Forget everything, you need me and my pussy to make a baby “ your teeth on his chocker you pulled it and looked at him “ mark me as yours please “.

Any thoughts of self-control left Chuuya’s body, guided by wild desire he lifted you as you wrapped your legs around his waist he walked you to your shared bedroom throwing you on the bed “Good thing I took the weekend off “ he said but the moment you heard this you stopped him “ what were you planning to do this weekend ?” you asked.

He looked at you for a second, taking your hand and kissing the fingers “I wanted to take you out to make up for what I did but seems like I will be busy “ he said throwing his shirt to the side.

It never seems to get old, his body is firm and looks like some chiselled sculpture “Chu..” you moaned as he wrapped his arms around your neck removing your shirt and night pants and throwing them to the side.

Kisses littering your lips, neck, and jaw, he sucked harshly at your collar bone and hearing you moan he felt satisfied “Open “ he said in a commanding tone making you nothing but wetter.

, Lifting your legs and spreading them open you held it out for your lover as he sat back admiring it, tough thick fingers grazing your hole opening and clit “This is mine ?” he asked and when he did not get an answer a harsh slap landed on your cunt “ah !...chuu~” you moaned .

“Answer me love or else this hole get nothing, “ he said threatening now “Yes all yours …” you said flushing red with embarrassment “Good “ he rubbed circles on your sensitive bud and slowly inserted a finger as you clamped down hard on him “ relax, “ he said bending down to hold your head and kiss your head “ relax love “ this tone was much softer compared to previous slap and commands.

After what seemed like a solid 2 hours but only 20 minutes had passed he had you flowing like a fountain “Please….” you said hands holding your legs trembling “Please fuck me …” you shouted as he pressed on your sweet spot again making your squirt on his hand.

Shaking from the high you left your legs to fall, your hands could not keep it up “Hold on love, we are not done “ he said in a mocking tone seeing your dumb state “ have not even fucked you with my cock, you cannot pass out on me “ he said subbing his dick on your bundle of nerves earning moans from you “ fuck me … please please” you were pleading. Ego, self-respect nothing mattered you wanted his cock and before you could talk again he slammed himself into yout gapping a wet hole in one thrust.

Air out of your lungs eyes rolling back to your skull you arched your back and his hand holding your waist tightly which was sure to leave marks. His red strand of hair sticking to his forehead, hips ramming into your cunt at a harsh pace “Chuuya ~~ slow “ you mumbled but nothing seems to fall into his ears.

Your raw hole, wet and tight had his mind going crazy “Make it white “ was all he could think of every time he saw your pink hole taking his dick in “Good girl keep it up “ he mumbled holding your head close still not slowing down or stopping.

Cock twitched but your wet walls held him deliciously tight and he could never describe how good and heavenly it felt “Close love?” he asked panting like a dog. Trying to reach your inner place hitting your walls deeper and stronger with each thrust “it's good y/n …..feels good “ he mumbled 100% pussy drink now.

You guys have never done it raw and he was sure to never do it with a condom again “Chuuya.. agh…close..” you whimpered. Pulling one of your hard nipples while his mouth latched on to the other “ cum on my cock love go on “ he said in such a sweet tone but it had a certain command to it for which your body reacted instantly creaming his cock.

Holding your breast he pulled himself up to look at you “These will produce milk for our child “ he said and pinched each bud making you moan trying to remove his hands. There were sore “Chu.. Enough, “ you said getting a slap on your thigh “I have not cum love, “ he said hands going down to your hard clit and rubbing it fast “No…nooo,” you said trying to pull his hand in vain.

You could feel his cock twitching inside your wet walls but so was your stomach ready to release again “Chu…” you said holding his hand tightly as you came all over him again and he followed you pushing his dick deeper while cumming “intake all of me in “ he said making your jerk with surprise.

Still cumming he kept thrusting “Goona keep this hole filled, “ he said holding both your hands and rutting again “Ahh! Enough please “ you cried but all fell on deaf ears and soon again he came and with one more harsh thrust he was sure to be touching your womb.

Eyes wide tears spilling down your face, hands held captive your hole gapped collecting all his cum.

His blue eyes did not leave the place where you both were connected he slowly pulled out, hot white cum spilling out a little as you lay twitching when he instantly shoved two fingers in “Not gonna let this go to waste “ he said while his other rubbed his hard on dick.

Seeing him hard again instantly got you scared at this point “Chuuya ..tired no more please “ you said pleading but all he did not smirk at your fucked out messed up state “Not if we are making a baby, we can take 2 mins to break to want water ?” he asked still pushing his cum inside your hole.

Nodding you realised to never tempt Chuuuya with such things.

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flowerandblood · 5 months

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I want to comment today on something that has been bothering me in this fandom recently, and I know many of you may not like it, but oh well, tough.

Aemond, Osferth, Ettore, Michael - these are all characters. We can say what we want about them, comment how we want on their behaviour and what we wouldn't do with them, write fanfics about them and create fanart all we fancy.

They don't exist.

But Ewan Mitchell exist and he is nobody's husband. He's not anyone's friend who should have to explain his decisions to anyone, much less why he has a stylist, whether he wanted to change his clothing style or not.

Ewan Mitchell has the right to be who he wants to be, he seems a wonderful, warm, shy man who has a huge amount of talent, and every character he plays is adored here.

Looking at some people's comments about being sad that he's changed, that it's not the same anymore I started to think that you lose your sense between reality and fiction and that's not good - take a break, take a break, take a break.

Come to terms with the fact that you are a fan and fans are there to support first and foremost. What I see is an eternal expectation of a man who owes you nothing and will never do, the existence of most of us he will never know - and that's a good thing, because if he read some of the things I read here, I suspect he would break down.

If you can't enjoy the fact that we could finally see and listen to him, watch his joy at his successes, get content that makes your authors want to create again, then I get the impression that you are not concerned with his happiness, but with yours, with fulfilling your expectations for him to present himself the way you want him to, the way it turns you on.

This is very sad and has nothing to do with being a fan.

#ewan mitchell #i can't #sorry guys

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silverskye13 · 13 days

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how did you get the confidence to write fanfiction? i always worry that i won't portray the characters properly so any ideas or wants to write fanfics that i have go away or i talk myself out of it :(

Well! First and foremost: Most people don't start writing,,,, anything with confidence. Let alone fanfic, where you know other people are going to be looking at it, with their own ideas of how the characters are supposed to act and feel influencing what they're coming to the story with. My first fanfic I was very insecure, which I feel like was evident, reading through the author's notes now. Apologies whenever something that required a lot of suspension of disbelief happened, a poll so readers could decide the ending so I wouldn't disappoint anybody, only to end in me writing and posting three different endings. Long justifications for why I chose certain things in the author's notes. The fic nowadays reads to me like a very rough apology.

"Hi I'm sorry I tried. Be kind I'm very scared."

But the thing about writing that fic was, it was the writerly equivalent of jumping into the deep end of the pool for the first time. After I bobbed back to the surface and realized a shark hadn't like, taken my legs off while I was down there, jumping in again got easier. And kept getting easier. And now I just write and post things.

There's kind of two schools of thought that I've seen people subscribe to, when it comes to taking the first leap. The one that's really popular around here on Tumblr is: Do it scared. It is simple and straightforward. You are scared. You will be scared. You probably never won't be scared. So do it scared. Write your thing, close your eyes and hit send [either to post it or to share it with one or two friends, or even just hitting the "save" button and not deleting it]. Get scared, do it, close your eyes, finish. When you open your eyes again and nothing terrible has happened, you can breathe a sigh of relief and do it scared again. It's a little nerve-wracking at first, but the idea is giving your mind the association of jumping and not falling. I did it and I didn't fail, therefore it is safe to do it again.

The other school of thought [the one I specifically subscribe to] is: Do it once. What you think or feel about it doesn't matter. What matters is you did it once. Maybe it will be hell, or it'll suck terribly. Maybe you're really excited! And it turns out great! Maybe its a wild ride of ups and downs, and by the end you need a few months to catch your breath and decide if it was worth it. Regardless: you did it once. Now you know, if you want to, you can do it again. Now you can decide if its worth doing again. For me, the euphoria of finishing a project always far outweighs the trouble getting there, so the step forward of "Do it once" is powerful for me. And that can be broken down too. "Write one chapter." "Draw one drawing." "Clean one room in the house." There is no pressure to continue if its really that terrible, but you at least get to decide if one was worth it [and a solid 9 times out of 10, one was worth it enough to do it more.]

Now, all that said, if what you're worried about is writing the characters right and nothing else -- don't worry too much. Most people care less about how true to life the characters are, and care a lot more about consistency in the story. An example from RnS: In canon, Helsknight is a cartoonish villain with one motivation, and that motivation is taking over hermitcraft Doofenschmirtz style. To date, no one has come into my inbox demanding I change him, because he's so OOC he's basically an OC at this point. What people have come into my inbox about though, is "Hey, you established X in this chapter, but he said Y in this chapter. Was there a reason for that?" which is them saying, "Why didn't you keep your character consistent?" If you tell your audience what the expectations are for the story and you stick with them, they will stop caring about OOC moments and characterizations, and will trust you're going somewhere with your writing. Suspension of disbelief, your powerful friend! They put the world on their shoulders and carry and everybody watches and claps.

If you're also worried about consistency, then start out with one shots! There's a lot less room for error, no large, sweeping character arcs to keep track of. And stringing a bunch of one-shots together can give you practice with character consistency and progression without committing to something massive and overarching. If you're truly worried about making the characters exactly like Canon [or the Canon in your head], I recommend making little lists of character traits, or important things you want to keep in mind. At that point you're scared of your own consistency, and you just need a framework to keep yourself consistent enough for yourself, if that makes sense?

Hopefully! This helps! Sorry I'm a little scattered today :'D

#answering asks #caramelcoatednightmares #writing advice #fanfic advice #longpost #the barking writer #im very sleepy and still thinking about soup #i think maybe i'm just very thirsty

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isalisewrites · 28 days

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A tidbit of writing advice

I've been writing for over two decades now. In my years, I've learned, what I consider, the most essential lesson for one's success in writing. I've seen so many writers give up and lose their fire because they haven't learned this yet. If you learn the following, then losing your love and motivation for writing will rarely occur.

Write for yourself, first and foremost.

I know it's fun to share your work and receive comments about your writing. It's a rush. It's wonderful to hear that someone loved what you created.

Unfortunately, you will face those who don't like your work, for whatever reason.

Some writers give up because they get a comment or too many more that is rude or even nasty. I have faced the same thing before. It sucks. It's discouraging. It can take the wind out of your sails. Many writers even delete their works and I think that's a crime against the heart of humanity. It feels like digital book burning and I've lost too many old favorites because of this.

Your story isn't for every reader, but your story does have a sacred audience who treasure your hard work and dedication.

So, I ask, who are you writing for?

I could say write for those who love your work, but that's a weak fuel source. It will not last nor push you through the hardest of days. Accolades are easily given and easily forgotten.

But you, the writer, whose characters live so brightly and so loudly in your head, you are your strongest fuel source. You are the first reader and the only one whose opinion matters. Write because you love it. Write because this is what you want to read. Write because it thrills your soul.

I can promise you, from personal experience, the moment you shift your purpose and reason for writing, the lighter you will feel. You are the God, the Goddess, the Divinity of your pen, your keyboard. Rude comments will be dismissed with relative ease because you know they hold no power over you.

I always appreciate the hype and excitement surrounding my fanfic updates. I get a ton of joy from that.

However, I write for myself and only for myself, and I'm so much stronger because of it.

Write for yourself.

#writers #authors #writing #fanfic writers #fanfic writing #fanfiction writer #fanfiction writers #fanfic #fanfiction #fanfics #hp fics #hp fanfiction #tomarry #harrymort #on writing #on writers #author #writing advice #isa's writing

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infamous-if · 9 months

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Does it ever feel overwhelming or scary how fast/early you blew up? I’ve always wanted to write if but i already get anxious with like 200 likes on an intro post or like 200 followers so I can’t imagine waking up one day so “famous” (as famous as you can be as an if author).

I don't like to think about it because my writing would suffer, but there are IFs author that are much bigger than me and handle this whole social media aspect with much more grace. I am just a small fish in a big pond, and definitely the last person to come to for advice haha

My anxiety only spikes whenever I release something, mostly because I convince myself that the inevitable "everyone realizes it's terrible and points and laughs at me" has come (that's just my brain talking).

I think my best advice for you to let go of that anxiety and to set your expectations early. First and foremost, write for yourself, and try to embrace the fact that no one can write your story better than you. As creatives, we all have something to offer that no one else can, and that's just our personal touch that comes from who we are as people.

Yeah, someone could take my plot and characters and probably write something that would put Shakespeare to shame, but they can never write it the way I can. Nor can I ever write your story the way you can, or anyone else.

Even the infamous fanfics that I see are something I can't write, because I'm not them. I don't have their unique perspective that enhances their skill and writing. They write their stories better than anyone, even if they are using characters I created.

Or at least, that's how I approach storytelling and writing. We all have something unique to offer because we are all unique people, so you just have to think: you will find your audience. And you will find people who will like your stories and the numbers won't matter because you'll be proud of what you're putting out.

I know the numbers are scary, because you are no longer in your own bubble and everything you say and do and write will be perceived differently by people, so establishing your goals and your story and what you want to do in the beginning is always the best. It's very easy to succumb to the pressure of people asking for things and asking for changes, especially in the beginning since we want to please our first official audience but it's not worth it if you're not writing what you want. This first and foremost should be fun for you :) or then it'll feel like a chore.

If you do, I would love to read and play your IF! <3

#writing advice #inbox #I probably rambled #but I thought about this a lot #as I was gaining followers and realized this was becoming an actual Thing that I began to take much more seriously and was enjoying #^^ hope this helps you

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musashi · 1 year

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I’d LOVE to talk about it!!!! There is NOTHING like holding a physical copy of a fanfic you love in your hands, whether it is yours or someone else’s. Though I do recommend you get a physical copy of your own work first and foremost, it really cements the fact that you wrote a whole ass novel, or a collection of short stories. The first few fics I ordered were ones I wrote myself and I still go out into my living room to pull them off the bookshelf and just hold them, sometimes.

There are a lot of websites that exist where you can print books without publishing them. The website I use to print fic is Lulu. There are other websites but this one is my fave. Some people have probably written beautiful guides on book binding but I would rather just have a service do it for me. i thought it might be fun to make a whole ass tutorial on my process, if anyone is interested? Because I really think this should be something more people do, I am telling you it'll change your LIFE. Wanna re-read that old fave in your bookmarks? Cut down on screentime! go GRAB IT OFF YOUR SHELF and settle in all cozy :3

SO: HERE IS A WHOLE ASS TUTORIAL ON HOW TO ORDER PRINT BOOKS OF YOUR FAVE FICS.

I use google docs. There are probably ways to do this in other word processing software but google docs is my friend. So this is how I do it. Google is also your best friend when figuring out how to make these adjustments in other word processors fghdg.

So you kinda want to set up the skeleton of your physical fic first. You wanna make a blank document, go to file > page setup and change the paper size to A5. This’ll put it in peak book format! Hurray. You’ll notice things are a bit cramped here but don’t worry, the margins are supposed to be like that. I like single spacing with the typical indent (.50) so thats what I do. I know some people prefer double spacing, so if that’s your jam do it! Just keep in mind it’ll make your book a lot thicker, it really depends on how you want to condense things. Font size is also a factor here. Personally, I LOVE to condense–12 point times new roman font and single spacing is my jam, heres what that looks like:

But again, depending on how long of a story/collection you want to make, you can space things out too.

Make a nice title page! Mine are pretty simple, just the title and the username. Sometimes I’ll put the fandom name like ‘a [fandom] fanfiction’ but for the most part thats just for PDFs i share of my own fic. When it comes to my own fic I also like to put little dedications at the beginning for flair. Again, that’s just for me.

this is from my sicktember anthology, which is just all my sicktember fics in a neat little book. here's Down's:

this is my favourite part of printing my own books. i like to get sappy with it.

Add page numbers! This is something you can do automatically in most word processors. You can put em anywhere, I always put mine as footers ‘cause I really just like my fic to feel like a real book. This is under 'insert' in gdocs.

If you’re doing an anthology collection or a lot of fics in one book, a table of contents is good to have! If you apply a heading effect to each story/chapter in google docs, you can automatically insert a table of contents. I usually have to play around with mine a little (and edit it after, pin in that for later) but it’s a good thing to have. But in order to make a table of contents you have to actually have the fic in the doc, so let me teach you how to do that.

Congrats @pictureswithboxes, you are hereby my guinea pig. Because your fic is a good length and it’s the first one that isn’t my own that I’ve turned into a physical copy. Everyone please watch as I turn Turnabout Substitution into a book.

There are many ways and many formats you can download an AO3 fic in. Personally I prefer the HTML format–don’t ask me why, it’s just the best one I’ve seen for keeping things easy to edit and intact. If you work better in PDF or EPUB feel free to download those, but it’s my tutorial so you get HTML.

I drop the HTML file into docs. When you open it, you get this nonsense:

'cause that's a whole ass webpage, obviously. so open it AGAIN, this time using this button up top:

And that gives us… well, a lot more nonsense–it drops all the tags in, authors notes, whatever. You’re welcome to keep author’s notes if you like, personally I do without them (i love to read them digitally! I just keep them out of my physical copies) and everything is in 11 pt times font. The first thing I do is highlight the body of the fic and ONLY the body of the fic. I do this chapter by chapter.

Once I have chapter 1 highlighted, i change the font to my preferred size and typeface–in this case, 12 point times new roman. And then, with the body of the chapter still highlighted, i fix the margins/indent–left to 0, first line to .50, and right to 6.50. Then, with all of that highlighted, I paste it into my ‘book’ doc and all the indents/font choices carry over. Easy peasy.

I go ahead and make a chapter header. I think when doing a proper manuscript a chapter is supposed to start at the mid-point of the page, but i usually have the title at the top and the body text starting halfway down.

(my doc is in grey to avoid eye strain. if you do this, make sure it's white when you save it xD)

After a chapter–or any time you want to move onto the next section–use a page break! These are under the ‘insert’ tab. They will automatically jump you to the next page, and they will be necessary, for many reasons, but also because!!!

A new chapter should always start on the right page. In order to keep this correct, I take note of if my right pages are evens or odds in page number. Your first page will always be on the right. If you add a table of contents, it should also start on the right–so add a couple page breaks between the two to make a fully blank filler page. In my experience, because page 1 is always right, this usually means your right page will always be an odd number, but for some reason I'm having some weird mandela effect where i swear it wound up evens one time. huh. never hurts to double check! and triple check.

I ignore this all while I’m pasting the chapters in, but then at the end I go through all of them using google docs’ outline feature. Which is honestly NECESSARY for something like this, if you aren't already using it:

(anything marked as a heading will show up here! or you can highlight something, right click, and add it to outline manually. It's great!)

If my right page is odd-numbered, i check each of them one by one to make sure they all start on odd pages. I add an additional page break in the chapter before if they’re not, to make a filler page. it might feel weird to have all these blank pages in your doc but trust me you will appreciate them when you are actually holding the book.

As I am doing this, I also scroll up to the end of the previous chapters to look for orphans/widows. These are single lines that wind up on their own on the page and look kind of awkward and personally irritate me. Most word processors also have a feature to get rid of these, in google docs you just have to highlight the whole paragraph the line is in (or the paragraph before it, if it’s dialogue or a single line on its own) and apply a heading to it. You can highlight it and click ‘update heading to match’ to do this without changing the font. Good as new! It’ll show up on your outline on the side, but you can delete it by hitting the x beside the lines.

Another thing I do with the body text is i scroll through the whole doc and look for line breaks. AO3 has built-in ones you can insert, and you’re welcome to keep those if they are in a fic you like. Personally i prefer the look of a space to separate, though, so I actually edit them out and replace them with 3 line breaks. Literally just hit the enter key 3 times.

TS here is a case fic, told in the style of the ace attorney vn, which means each chapter has a few locations and timestamps displayed. I do 3 blank line breaks before these, and two after. Because it’s what looks nicest to me. You can play around with aesthetics and see what you like.

Once everything looks good, I scroll back up to update the table of contents if I have it. Google docs has a feature where you can ‘refresh’ it, but… I do not recommend this, because if you formatted your table (which you most likely did, it looks kinda terrible on its own) this will reset the formatting, and that will more than likely space out things or add unnecessary things (like those widows and orphans you marked before) which will add to your page count which means your TOC will be wrong ANYWAYS. So what’s the alternative?

Open your doc in two tabs. Same doc, two tabs. In one tab, stay on your TOC. In the other, click through your outline and input the new page numbers yourself. A little painstaking, but less prone to error. Easy peesy! Here's a bit of my finished TOC for my sicktember book:

Like all things, you can play with fonts and margins.

Your book is READY TO GO. Save it as a PDF, you can do this by hitting the print button in docs and most other word processors. Then instead of choosing a printer hit ‘save as PDF.’ Scuttle on over to Lulu and make an account. Yes it is worth it. Fic!

Lulu is awesome because it has lots of customization options. If you wanna get fancy with it, you could insert images into your PDF and get a colour book! But I just order print books, basic black and white. Once you name and upload your PDF, you can choose EVERYTHING. What kind of paper you want. If you want hardcover or paperback. The world is your oyster. Lulu will then give you a template for your cover, fitted to the dimensions of your fic book based on page number and what options you choose. They technically have a guide that lays this all out for you, but I find it incredibly confusing, so here is the streamlined wendy version:

There are a lot of options for how to make this cover. You can use an image editor, like photoshop, or you can draw fanart, or you can simply go into MSpaint and add some shitty little text to a solid colour if you don’t feel like anything fancy. A lot of people also use canva, which has tons of templates and assets you can throw together. I use canva so much i actually paid for a pro subscription lmao fsdghfgh but I also use photoshop a good deal. I made DTE’s covers in photoshop:

And Down’s cover in canva:

When I’m doing canva covers, I always just save the PDF, pop the template into photoshop, and then paste the images over it and rearrange them to my liking. I think Lulu also has an in-site canva editor but I don’t like learning new software. Photoshop is easy gfhfhg.

WHEN YOU ARE SAVING YOUR COVER. LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN THIS IS IMPORTANT ESP IF YOU NEVER TOOK GRAPHIC DESIGN OR HAVEN’T PROFESSIONALLY PRINTED ANYTHING. When you are saving your cover. SWITCH YOUR COLOUR PROFILE TO CMYK!!! Do not save it as RGB! RGB is good for digital graphics, but if you EVER print something you need to switch it to CMYK. I FORGOT TO DO THIS SOMEHOW when I printed my first two fic books, so their covers look a little washed out. When you do this in your photo editing software, they will look washed out there too–this is normal. They will print SO much better. Just trust me.

Make sure you save your cover as a PDF and pop it onto Lulu! It’ll show you a preview of your book and cover which you can go by page by page to look for mistakes or anything you may want to change. In this preview the cover will ALWAYS look like a shitty, jpeggy mess. IT DOES NOT LOOK LIKE THAT IRL. I was so concerned fghfg but they print fine the preview just sucks.

wow so cool. this is for Down's hardcover which has a lot of margin. the closest summation of what your book will be like is to turn everything here off but the folds:

so cool. thats my book.

And you’re good to go! Enjoy your fic!!! PHYSICAL FIC IN YOUR HANDS!!! I got to experience the most magical thing recently: my friend bought a copy of Down, and then SHIPPED IT TO MY HOUSE, and i got to SIGN IT. I got to SIGN a copy of a BOOK I WROTE. They loved it that much. And I had the PDFs. PDFs I need to update, because I didn’t know half the shit I just wrote here when I made them. BUT I GOT TO SIGN MY FIC!!! SOMEONE LIKED IT ENOUGH TO BUY IT, AND THEN SEND IT TO ME, TO SIGN!!!

All the money here goes to printing costs, if that wasn’t obv. Paperbacks on Lulu can be under ten bucks depending on how thick they are, and hardcovers are usually under 25. It’s insane to me how cheap it is to print fanfic, and once you try, you WILL be addicted.

I tried to make this tutorial easy to follow, i hope it was! If anyone has any questions about the process, I am always happy to answer. Or, um, if you just want me to do all this formatting FOR you… I might be open to doing it for free. Mutuals get first dibs but I genuinely LOVE formatting docs for printing. I can’t help you with covers (i flounder even making them for stories I love) but I’ll always format a fic or several fics for you. Just HMU ghfghgf

#fic printing #fic printing tutorial #wendy rambles

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powderblueblood · 2 months

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🔥on tumblr fanfic

Send me a “ 🔥 “ for an unpopular opinion.

need youse to send me five more of these i have so much to say

but let me get this out of the way first and foremost, i think a lot of the unhappiness i am seeing on my dash as of late stems truly madly deeply from the fact that people are not writing what they want and are instead writing to appease the gaping maw content machine (and you will oftentimes come away feeling empty, the maw is gaping for a reason). it's why i shut off requests and i'm deleting my character list because i just want to write what i want to write and if people who dig my shit want to send me ideas, i'll happily expound on them.

i think youse on here are so creative and great but you're way too concerned with what other people want to read instead of just throwing shit at the wall which, once upon a time, was what this website was about. through working for the notifs knife, you're limiting yourselves. you're not honoring yourself with that shit. youse need to start indulging the deep freaky parts and i don't even mean that in a smut way. if building an audience is what you want from this website, nice, good for you.

but i personally think you should write your most specific, self indulgent idea right fucking now.

#powder room talk #Anonymous

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azrielgreen · 2 months

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Hi, I hope you don't mind my asking you this but why don't you like people reviewing your work on Goodreads? a lot of other authors are proud to have their work reviewed there and it makes fics more accessible so I don't really know why you'd ask people not to? Please don't think this is a criticism at all. I'm genuinely curious and absolutely love all your work!!!

Hi, that's absolutely fine. I'm always happy to talk about it and I know it can be a little divisive because people like to bookmark/review what they're reading and that mostly does come from a place of good intentions.

Firstly, I would never want my fics to be accessible or mainstream. It was always surprising to me that YD was read by so many. I write for myself for fun, and the only people I want to read it are the people who actually want to read it, who went looking for it using tags or read the blurb and thought, 'yes, definitely for me!' - usually a small audience, which makes me very happy!

It's no secret that I absolute despise rating systems for fanfiction and what that leads to - the mainstreaming of fanfiction in general. Fanfiction is written by people who just want to share their work, not to compete with others and get on the NY Times Bestseller list.

There is NO NEED WHATSOEVER in my opinion to rate fanfiction based on personal preference/enjoyment/critique. Goodreads is first and foremost a rating system for reviewing books. I actually disagree with rating art in any way whatsoever, including published works, movies, music etc... I believe that a rating system should, at best, be used to provide feedback about the functionality of a service/object. Art is subjective, it's there to elicit emotions and feelings and IMO should not be rated in such a way. One person's 1/5 review is useless to someone else because everyone is different and exploration is discouraged when the rating is low, but I'm getting wildly off track here.

Fanfiction is not intended, IMO, for wide mainstream consumption. The casual normalisation of rating fanfics on GR & TikTok has become a plague of misery for many writers and a lazy haven for mean-spirited book critic wannabes. To be very clear, I'm talking about RATING them. Giving them a score out of 10 or 5. Picking them apart in a negative & critical way, often on the immediate basis of them not being "canon compliant". Only today, I saw a TikTok of someone slamming a fic for being "different than the book".

To me, fanfiction is so special and beautiful and rare. I'd be lost without it and I read it daily. There are stories that have legitimately saved me. Fanfiction can be anything, written by anyone at any level. No one is obligated to read it, therefore any criticism, you keep to yourself. Rating it on Goodreads alongside published works is, in my humble opinion, fucking gross unless the author has specifically added it themselves.

This includes rating the fic in bookmarks, which is rampant. High rating or not, it's not a nice feeling and a little fandom etiquette goes a long way.

💜💜💜

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colgatebluemintygel · 1 month

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hi hi hi!!! first and foremost: how are you?? hope everything is fine! everytime I see the little notification of you posting pop, i need to come and just see

this ask is just to tell you, after reading that you considered at one point not finishing OAO, that even it being one of my favourite fanfics (I really love your writing), i had made my peace with it bcs it would have been your choice. but, the day you said you were working on it again?? well, i was so so so happy and excited and i (and many of us) would wait as long as necessary to read the ending of it!

so, if you are gonna finish it, take as much time as you need. we'll be waiting💞

eeeeeep anon i know it has been a hot minute since you sent this but well .. i think you are just so sweet <333

i tend to dodge around q's of abandoning oao , mostly bc i think they're funny (some of u have never been hurt by a fic that has been abandoned for 10+ years and it shows ... stupid post it notes by dirty angel toes .. you will be complete one day .... manifesting works !!!!!!) , but if i am being completely serious and sincere i don't think leaving oao unfinished will ever be on the table 4 me . sometimes i get a little crazy around my period n such and consider deleting my ao3 account but it's just temporary insanity and it always passes once i've sniffed my cat's fur and had some chocolate. the only time where i had genuinely considered not finishing it was at a time when i was very affected by the things ppl would say and a weird or rogue comment would throw me off for days. i'd just seen a less than kind vid the #1 evil site and cried in the shower for hours until my beloved em maybebabyplease gave me some very tender n gentle love and talked me down from a minor crisis O:-))) anyway all of this is to say. genuinely i think i would have to sustain a life-altering injury and lose all brain function to really truly consider abandoning oao. they are sooo firmly rooted in my brain it is insane. they have made a home there and they are not leaving any time soon (everyone say thank you oao!s.. my stubborn angel!!!)

the reason why it can take me an age to get chapters out is because i care a whole lot and sometimes it takes me a while to find the right words for them .. i love them so so dearly and i prommy it is just as important to me to see oao to the end as it is for yall :^)))) even thinking abt the final scene gahh my tummy hurts !!!!! love them so bad ....

anywho /end rant. UR CUTE <3333

#oao #pigeon post

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oonajaeadira · 7 months

Text

For the Love of Fic: September 30

I've been back at my reading, y'all, doing some major catch up. And what a ride. There's a METRIC TON™ of amazing writers under the cut.

Brace thyself.

🪐 = Year of Themed Creation piece

EZRA

Kisses of Fire by @simpingcowboy 🪐 It starts with an unconventional if not favorable bargain and then evolves. If I could make Ezra fall in love with me a little over a long time, I'd be patient too...

Lucky Stars by @brandyllyn I am SO IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC. Not only does Brandy nail Ezra's voice, cadence, swagger, and world, she even gives him someone who's onto his scoundrel-with-a-heart-of-gold behavior and just barely allows herself to be charmed by it. This feels so very canon and so very Ezra and I just need to roll myself up in it and cuddle it real hard.

Saying I love you with a letter by @songsformonkeys 🪐 Hanna is one of my favorite writers of deep emotions. Her Javi G is one of my all-time faves and I will never not laugh at her Javier. But I will knock you over to get at her Ezra and this is no exception even though you're gonna need tissues. Listen. Would like to get a letter of love and missing from Ez? Because this is it. Savor it.

Lost in the Weeds by @haylzcyon Have you seen this artwork? Insert Ezra and you and you have this fic. It's a beautiful little snippet that quietly documents falling in love with Ezra, and that's my favorite kind of Ezra story.

Wild Mountain Thyme 2 by @writeforfandoms Dragon Universe Ezra is back and he is not impressed with his tagalong. She's chipper and eager and seems to be up for his brand of grumpy today. I'm excited to find out how Jen turns his cart around.

DIETER BRAVO

Fifty Shades of Orange by @all-the-things-2020 🪐 If you love Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, you're going to love love love how Dieter fits into this crossover. I am super impressed with this fic because it is, first and foremost, a HHGTTG fanfic. And it succeeds wildly at capturing the tone and attitude of all the characters. And I love that Dieter's just what Dieter is here, not the main character, but an odd problem to be solved. As a character, he fits so seamlessly into this world, I was kind of in awe for this whole ride. Aw man. Enjoy.

Position: 69, Position: Snuggled Spoon, Position: Sit on the Throne, Position: Kneeling Reach-Around, Position: Honey Bear, and Position: Froggy Style as part of @prolix-yuy's Bangathon 2023 Listen. LJ obviously loves her some Dieter. I appreciate the sweetness and softness of some of these, that Dieter is in need of some care and connection...and someone to just come undone around. I loved all of them, but props to Snuggled Spoon for it's slowness and softness, and to Froggy Style for the moment of the reveal. The whole Bangathon is wonderful, and the Dieter fics are certainly some of my faves there.

JOEL MILLER

It Pours from Your Eyes by @the-blind-assassin-12 I mean, yes, it's a Joel fic, but really, it's Tess. It's Tess and it's beautiful. Alyssa has woven a 1200 word spell here, expertly painting a picture of Tess's heart and how it works to keep Joel's beating. It's so gorgeous and I'm just bewitched and bereaved... I'm almost begging you to read this.

Surrender [chapter twelve] by @ezrasbirdie This chapter just wrapped me in the yearn blanket. Written in three sections from the POVs of Daisy, Ellie, and Joel, each section just pulls at a different heartstring and all of them together are such pretty music. Yes please this found family that loves each other so much...

Year of Small Joys - Candles by @keldabe-kriff 🪐 Inviting Joel over to dinner in Jackson is inviting a damaged soul to sit down and heal. He's still got a little PTSD here, but a nice meal by the light of scented candles he looted? That's a nice step in the right direction.

Let's Twist the Knife Again by @missredherring I am obsessed with this little "time travel" story. I don't know exactly the mechanics of what's going on here--is it a dream? is he being given a second chance? is he stuck in a time loop?--but watching Joel retrace some familiar steps knowing what he already knows is fascinating and I would love to see what comes next.

Hypothermia by @morallyinept Jett's cleverly come up with the "giflet," a drabble based on a gif. This one is Joel in his sleeping bag. And you're in yours. And it's cold. But it ends soft, and that's my favorite.

PERO TOVAR

The Herbalist: Part 7: Drinking Won’t Change the Audacity But Maybe It Will Help by @blueeyesatnight I'm so caught up in this story of beasts and strange people in Victorian England. Now we learn about Pero's past and a little more, but there's also something chewing at the edges about our heroine lady sleuth and I can't wait to find out what it is!

JACK DANIELS

F is for Forced Orgasms / Fucking Machines by @butchmandalorian 🪐 Istg Max is out to pull me out of my soft places and make a sub out of me. I am not usually into the hard stuff, but everything they write is like beautiful crack and I cannot stop. I think it's because everything is so real, there's so much checking in and trust involved, I probably sound like a broken record, but hells bells that's my kink and Max writes it so well. I will say that daddy-talk is usually a turnoff for me, but I really REALLY appreciate that Max sets the scene thoroughly and explains that it's just a title, that any word can be substituted (read the warnings). I for one used that suggestion and appreciated that heads up. Looks like someone not only knows how to write a man that takes care of his partner, but is also a writer that takes care of their readers. Love it.

Black and White by @never--doubt 🪐 I've never seen this soulmate mechanic before and it's an interesting take on the traditional mark--one that changes color when your soulmate touches you there for the first time. Oh to be on mission with Agent Whiskey when the change happens....

FRANKIE MORALES

Not Leaving You Again by @flightlessangelwings 🪐 (With Santi Garcia) It's a two-for-one not just in protectiveness and smut but in boys! It's hard not to fall for both of them--one of them sultry, one of them sweet--and it doesn't hurt that they're up to the task of sharing.

Buck Moon by @grogusmum 🪐 Listen. If you've ever wanted Frankie for the first time, naked (well, except maybe his hat) under the full moon out in nature under the full moon, have I got a fic for you! AAAAAAAA

We Came Along This Road by @insomniamamma 🪐 When J goes angst, J goes hard, and Frankie is many times her main target. Set within the world of the movie, the reader is his girl with his baby, and he's got some substance problems. Frankie has some trouble keeping promises.

OBERYN MARTELL

First Dance by @hopeamarsu 🪐 Asking Oberyn for a dance when you know right well what you're both after is genius. Because he's probably a beautiful dancer so you get to experience that, but also, it only ramps up what's coming. What I wouldn't give to sit on this man's lap and ask him to dance just to see the look on his face....

TIM ROCKFORD

Black Days 7: Times Are Gone For Honest Men, Black Days 8: Eyes Were Waking Up Just To Fall Asleep, AND 2023 Summer Kiss Prompt #5: Tim Rockford - Jealous Kiss by @something-tofightfor I will knock you down to get at Rachael's Tim Rockford. This man is complicated, their relationship is starting off complicated, and their circumstances have the potential to continue to complicate matters...and yet. These two seem to fit together just fine, easy as pie and coffee. The way he cares... I so can't wait to see what (and who) comes next.

SPECIAL GUEST CORNER

JANE FOSTER

Undefeated by @captainsophiestark 🪐 Listen. I've never played pong in my life, but if Jane Foster walked into my party and wanted in on a game, I'd pong so fast....

BOFUR THE DWARF

Love at First Fight by @ironmandeficiency 🪐 When you swear to keep your friend safe from the man who most recently broke her heart, your drunken ass threatens the wrong man. Or, rather, the right one. Or, rather, the right dwarf.

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thoughtfullyrainynightmare · 10 months

Note

Halloo! ive been reading ur blog and i love it sooo mucch 💌💌💌

can i request for angsty nozel with his wife? so she was a noble and had been busy dealing w her family bussiness. one day she came home late and finding nozel waiting for her. he thinks that shes neglecting her own family and there the argument began. and she accidentally said something sooo hurtful to him due her exhaustion. the ending is up to uuu!

thank you laaura, i hope u live a great life and good luck on your exams! 💟💟💟

Hiyaaa~! ^^

Thank youuu!! ^^ I'm glad to hear that you like my content T^T <3 Oh I love me some hurt-comfort from time to time, so most certainly ^^ You're very welcome, and thank you, I hope the very best for you too!

Pairing: Nozel x f!reader Genre: Hurt-comfort Fanfic type: Oneshot Length: ~1.2k Content/warnings: Wife/reader implies that Nozel would have done better marrying a "numbskull to boss around", reader is a bussiness woman right down to the bone, reader ends up apologizing and comforting Nozel, Nozel is maybe a teeny tiny bit ooc? maybe, hurt-comfort

You were a business woman. Or you considered yourself as one even if the self-given title was a bit misleading considering that you were of noble birth. But you didn’t want to be the kind of a typical noble woman. The text book Noble Lady who didn’t do as much as sit around and order servants around. And gossip.

Hated the gossiping types. Though of course some rumours could be useful in the business world, but that was another thing than maliciously speaking out rumours in order to just make another person’s life difficult. There was discussing events, perhaps even people, and then there was ‘discussing people’.

The latter you hated.

But you, you were someone who was determined to make it in the working world, and had earned the position you held in your family business. You had earned it. Worked for it. And you were going to succeed in it. For your family, your husband, but first and foremost, for yourself.

Actually, you had been a bit surprised to learn that Nozel had harboured feelings for you back in the day, because you had thought that he would have wanted a ‘typical noble wife’ for himself. But instead, he had fallen for you.

He had called you capable, strong, kind and caring; he had called you as someone he would be proud to call a wife and carry the Silva name. These were separated instances of course, but nowadays those discussions linked together in your mind. They made you smile, on most days, because you felt like he understood you.

He was a working man, after all. He was a busy person, too. And so he should understand you, if you were late, and caught up in endless meeting and paperwork. Because he was caught in it too. Which sometimes made married life difficult, but you made it work. You made it work because you loved each other, and cherished the moments you had together even more.

That… was what you expected to come to when you came come that evening.

Not him, standing there with crossed arms in his silk pyjamas and a robe.

“You’re late,” he only said.

“I know, I know, I had a meeting and it went on and on, you know how it’s like. When people can’t get things done and you’re stuck in a circle,” you told him while taking off your outer clothes.

“You’re working even longer than I am these days,” he continued, going somewhere, but not saying it straight.

“I’ll make time for us when I can, I promise.”

He sighed with a frown, which told you about his growing irritation, which in turn made your brows furrow.

“Honey… I’ll try to-“

“You’re not trying enough,” he spoke on top of you making your eyes shoot wide open.

“Ex..cuse me?” You asked, wanting to think that you had heard wrong.

“You’re not making us, our family, the Silvas, into a priority. Instead you value your previous life higher and spend more time with them than here.”

“Of course I spend time with them!” You argued. “Because it’s a part of the business! It’s like telling you that you can’t spend so much time with the knights!”

“I am spending less time with the knights! Because I am here waiting for you!”

“I didn’t ask for it!”

“That’s what married couples are supposed to do! Want to be with each other.”

“Be stuck at home you mean?!”

“I want to see you when I get out of work!”

“Well maybe you should have married a good-for-nothing numbskull that you can boss and show around then.” And that… that was when you heard what you had just said.

You heard it, and… worst of all, you saw it. You saw it in his eyes, the way his eyes widened this time, and how he was biting his molars together to keep himself from saying anything else. To hold his tongue.

His eyes turned to the side, which his posture followed as he turned away to make his way to the window.

It had been a topic of a conversation back, way back, when you had started dating. That he didn’t want someone who’d idly follow his wishes, but would instead be someone who had a mind of her own, who could stand by him. It had been important to him. Because he knew that he could be quite adamant, stern, cold even, and he wanted his wife to be someone who could be there to support him as he tried to unlearn the traits he had picked up while growing up.

And now you were telling him that he didn’t deserve such support. That only someone who would mindlessly follow anyone for the sake of a title would be the only kind of a person, who’d want to be with him. That anyone strong, would look at him and conclude that he was too much work, a rotten piece of work. Damaged goods.

You, essentially, told him that he was unlovable.

“Nozel I…” you started, taking a few steps closer to him.

“Don’t…” he said but didn’t turn around to look at you. Instead he just looked out of the window into the night.

“I didn’t mean that…”

“It’s fine.”

He wasn’t fine, you knew as much.

“Look I…” you made your way to him and wrapped your arms around his middle, placing your head onto his shoulder. “It’s amazing that you want to see me at the end of the day. I want to see you too, but it’s… I wouldn’t ask you to quit being a knight.”

“I’m not asking you to quit,” he replied with something that was almost a huff. “Just cut back on the hours. Be more present here. Be a family.”

He had a point. Because you were building a new family with him. But it wasn’t as simple as just being an entirely separate family from what you had. You didn’t want that, to just cut out everything from your past. You wanted to have bits from both families.

“I want to have a family with you too, to be a family, but my family is also a part of it. I can devote more or my time to us, but you need to devote more of your time too then.” It sounded like a business deal, but you thought it to be a fair one. Because the common wish for you both was to spend more time together. This would be the way to do it.

There was a pause lingering in the air, for a few seconds, until he finally spoke up.

“Alright. Deal,” there was a hint of a smile in his tone, just a hint. But you’d take it. You’d take that sense of consolation, of acceptance and forgiveness; the tone of moving forward.

But the real consolation came from how he placed his hand on top of yours, and how he sank into the embrace.

You’d make it. Together. In this life.

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