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sinner-as-saint · 2 months

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idk what’s been happening lately but i miss the era of bucky barnes stories where he’s the actual character. not a biker, step dad, fuck boy, etc. don’t get me wrong!!! i love your stories but i feel like all of the BB fandom on this app has disconnected from his character :(

^^^^^No I agree with this anon so much. They're all great and were all written by very talented writers on here. But these past few months,I've been trying to find Winter Soldier Bucky fics,basically canon Bucky,where reader had an encounter with Bucky as Winter Soldier in the past and now she meets him again as Bucky. It can be dark or non dark,reader can be an avenger,agent or just normal civilian,just anything because I'm so desperate for a fic like that and Google and Tumblr search didn't work for me. And so far,I only found 2 fics like that (which I'm so grateful for both fics being series with multiple chapters. Made the search worth it. I would hug the writers if I could). And that too,not on Tumblr but on AO3,in the James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader tag that had 705 pages which I then also had to filter out with 'Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes' tag and the pages came down to 25. I stopped at page 13 and that's how I found those 2 specific fics that I'm looking for. I haven't scrolled through all the pages yet so maybe there's more of what I'm looking for. And maybe not all writers are using the 'Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes' tag even if they're writing canon Bucky so that means there's more. But yeah,I was confused as Winter Soldier & Bucky recovering from being the Winter Soldier is is Bucky's main lore and yet I filtered it out,705 pages dropped to 25.

Like,I'm not complaining at all. And I'm so sorry if it came off like that. I'm not even a writer so I don't want to complain. I know how hard writers work while juggling work and personal life at the same time. I actually read every new Bucky fics posted here no matter how they're written. And I'm happy that many people still remember and love Bucky in 2024,so much that they would still write fics about him. Without the Bucky fics posted here daily by bunch of great & talented writers,my daily life would be dull & boring. But the anon ask above reminds me of the time recently when I simply trying to find Winter Soldier Bucky fics and found just a few of them and I was just thinking to myself "Damn....... Where did all the Winter Soldier/Avengers Bucky fics gone to?". Anyway,I sincerely apologize for my yapping.

I understand what you mean, anon. I have said whatever I had to say in the previous ask and unfortunately, I have nothing else or new to add

I will say though, if you can't find the fics you're looking for that might be a sign that maybe you should start writing! That's how I started out, I never thought I'd be a fanfic writer one day but here I am.

Also if anyone has any recs for the kind of fic that anon is looking for, please leave them in the comments below

#bucky barnes

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manicpixievideovixen · 4 months

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Being crazy is so, so awful. For the past 2 years, out of the blue, I have been fighting psychosis and delusions. I didn't know what was causing it and I had no idea how I was going to navigate the absolutely broken healthcare system here in America to fix what was wrong with my brain.

I had severe allergies for years which had a twofold effect -- inflammation and then taking diphenhydramine 2 capsules 2 times daily which now is shown to have drastic long term effects.

The key to all of this was when I would visit locations at altitudes above 5000ft I would absolutely lose my tenuous grasp of reality. Turns out cerebral edema is greatly exacerbated by high altitudes and my symptoms matched with some of the indicators of brain inflammation.

I can attribute such things as insomnia, weakness in the muscles, nausea, vomiting, and of course the aforementioned altered mental states.

As I am not a healthcare professional I can mention here that I have begun a course of treatment consisting of supplements I found through scientific papers. I'd really like to get a brain scan sometime but for now these treatments have made a huge difference.

Unfortunately now my life has totally fallen apart so I have to put all the pieces back together and try to get back closer to the goals I have had to abandon. Basically I had to drop everything while this was going on because I was in such bad shape mentally. The past two years have really sucked a wild coyote's butthole for me and maybe I am lucky to still be alive.

This is not a donations post -- for now I am doing OK for money. I don't want to work in Healthcare anymore so leads on jobs where my creative input is appreciated (I am an experimental musician, have built my own instruments and synthesizers, manicpixievideovixen.com) would be the most helpful.

I wanted to share my story and let all of you know you are not alone. You are never alone. We should all be much more righteous to each other, and I love you so much 💕💕💕

#mental health #mental illness #psychosis #delusions #cranial edema #altitude sickness #neuroscience #insomnia

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eternallyanxiousandstressed · 1 month

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More Tea

Whooooo boy do I have some more tea for you all! It'll be under the cut because I don't know how long this will be.

Luke's birthday is coming up. I believe I mentioned this. And I believe I mentioned how they planned a little get together on his birthday without talking to me about any of it.

Well, I told Ratboy that I was going to be seeing Luke earlier in the day for some one on one time. Especially because I haven’t gotten to see him much. But I also told him other days I was planning on picking him up. Because I’m done asking. For one, I shouldn’t have to ask to see my own son who I still have legal custody of. But two, he ignores at least 75% of my text messages, including most of the ones asking about trying to find a time for me to see Luke.

This asshat decides to send me a whole fucking message, starting with asking me why I’m being so demanding and that it would be one thing if I were to ask but it’s completely different to demand these things… As if asking had worked?

Anyways he then goes on to talk about how before Thursday I hadn’t seen Luke in 8 weeks. As if it was my fault he wasn’t trying to work with me or would just straight up ignore my text messages. I’m tempted to go through and count how many times I asked to see Luke where it was ignored. Anyways, he tried to act as if it was my fault and not mostly on the fact that he refuses to communicate or work with me on anything!

Then he mentions that I haven’t asked about his daily schedule or what he’s eating or what size diapers he’s wearing now. He also says I haven’t asked about what size clothes he’s wearing which is blatantly false as I have a text message to prove I have asked about his clothing size. A text he ignored. He says all of this as if he’d answer if I did ask about any of it. When 75%+ of my texts are ignored, what’s the point in asking if I’m not going to get an answer? I tried talking to him about Luke at the mall but he barely wanted to talk about him. And um… I also talked about his clothing size when we were at the mall on Thursday so… yeah. He also mentioned that I have done nothing to support Luke. Okay, fucking talk to me and communicate and maybe I could figure it out??? But like… if he isn’t going to communicate there’s no way for me to do any of this shit! It took me about a month of getting maybe a text message a day to even get taxes figured out, and even then, he didn’t tell me when the refund came back until I brought it up at the mall.

Then he has the audacity to talk about my mental stability while with Luke because I haven’t been with him for more than a few hours and never alone in the past few months. Okay, for one, who’s fault is that again? And for two, I’m doing pretty good mentally right now. I think I can handle taking care of my own son (whom I basically raised alone for 6 months) for a day by myself.

But the thing that pissed me off the most about his text? “As for his birthday, you won’t be picking him up prior to his party as I already have plans with him and his schedule is especially important that day.” To which I obviously told him he can figure it the fuck out because I’m spending time with my son on his birthday. He can kiss my fucking ass. And if he tries to withhold Luke from me, it’s technically called parental kidnapping and he has poked and prodded this mamma bear too fucking long. I am not above filing charges. The fact that he didn’t bother to talk to me before making plans shows that he doesn’t give a shit about me or if I’m in Luke’s life or not.

He is about to see that I am not playing around and bowing to his every whim anymore. I am fighting for my goddamn son and I don’t care what I have to do to do so.

#the tea

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taveren-me · 5 months

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tumblr deleted 5 accounts

twitter deleted nearly 30 accounts

facebook deleted 8 account

i lost well over 10k friends/follower

main reason I'm so reserved online

its not hard to make clean accounts

its just not nearly as entertaining

everything worked out for the best

beyond my wildest dream anyway

and any knowledgeable expectation

we are processing the objective nature

of achieving what was implied impossible

censorship cancel culture banning symbolism

tactics used by the "losing leadership" in power

historically a position so over confident

by the time they notice complaint of nothingness

what's believed to be the problem

turns out being correlating solutions

to problems they didn't realize existed

my position organically single handedly

is an embarrassment to all existing systems

uniquely conditioned/positioned

to understand human nature

I a way that no one ever has before

for lack of more accurate diction

reading the first 10 books

Wheel Of Time Series

before even having a myspace helped

facebook was designed to connect the world

I knew it was impossible

for this position NOT to be achieved

everyone else was equally positive

of the opposite

im embarrassed For You

if We are still questioning judgements

This level didn't exist before I created it

so downplaying efficiency

is objectively bordering blatantly offensive

Like jesus more Like einstein

Like steph curry more Like chris brown

but you'd have to essentially combine the 4

to be anywhere close to objectivity

so when I say humanity is not ready

for channing tatum level

Its simply mercy due to pity

i genuinely believe

im the happiest person to ever exist

because i'm incapable of being sad

so much room for improvement

virtually no possibility

of anything getting worse

no system owes me anything

likewise i owe nothing

honstly at this point

i barely even feel any pressure

of responsibility to clarify

nor responsibility simplify

basically

Its outside most perspectives of reality

that it's even possible

for someone like me to exist

so being in good health

without addiction

with money

Just getting kind of bored with life

After realizing nothing actually matters

because for all intents and purposes

all relevant equations have been solved

personally i would prefer purgatory

above either heaven or hell

i generally have held the belief for quite some time

that humanity doesn't deserve my presence

understanding who I am and/or what I do

have faithfully been doing

consistently by daily basis

for well over the past decade and then some

considering it's potential relevance

to everything and everyone

is something i would prefer

keeping to myself

close friends

and family

just realized my phone is on 100 %

havent slept for a couple days tho not tired

cant remember the last time I ate tho not hungry

havent worn out my welcome at current location

no reason not to be filled with an abundance of joy

volatility level

non existent

as usual

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merinsedai · 6 months

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Happy November!

Actually, I don’t really like November, usually. So many dark and gloomy days where I live; and so long until the weather will improve!

October roundup:

An up and down month. Started off with covid, so felt dreadful and just lived in my bedroom for the best part of a week whilst husbae did the full time job and all the parenting/meals etc etc. what a star he is.

Missed the wedding I was meant to attend as though I’d recovered enough to go, Mr 4 was ill and so I had to stay and look after him. Too late to cancel my hotel booking as well. Right bugger. In 2023, I have had three arrangements to meet actual friends in the flesh and I’ve managed 1 of those. The universe is set on me not having even a modicum of a social life.

I had to cancel my work that I’d booked, then there was no more work until the 30th. Some of that was half term, the rest… well there probably would have been work to pick up if I’d asked but I didn’t so… not a great month in the earnings department. Currently three days into a three week booking and that’s going ok.

Managed the birthday and the party without incident. Thank God for soft play and paying other people to basically do the whole thing for you. Don’t think I could’ve coped with running an old fashioned party at my house. All those 4/5 year olds… no thanks.

Made it to the caravan in Wales for the half term holiday. Mostly fine, as fine as holidays with small Chn can get. Miss 7 developed an appalling cold which she has subsequently passed to me. It is currently sitting in my chest and making me sound like a 40 a day smoker. Nice.

All that nice self care stuff I set up in September (the make up and body care stuff) was derailed when covid hit and hasn’t really picked up again. Turns out losing habits is far easier than maintaining. A bit of mascara here and there to stop me looking truly horrendous but not much else. Must get back to it. Still closing my rings, probably should up the goal to make it more challenging.

Actually managed to complete my October challenge- the sandtober daily drawing prompts. It was good. I did almost all of them the night they were ‘due’ c10pm, since inspiration never struck until then. It seems I still require the impetus of a deadline to actually get my arse in gear and do something. Did I improve over the month? Mm perhaps. I was exceptionally rusty, the only things I’d drawn in the past decade or so were shit renditions of Peppa Pig or the Octonauts for the toddlers. Toddlers are easily pleased, luckily. Also learned (no… confirmed. I already knew it) that I lack any creativity, because if there isn’t something to copy then I can’t do it. If there *is* something to copy, I can produce vague facsimiles (as long as no one is looking for shading or whatever) with varying degrees of success.

For November’s “thing”, I’ve signed to to a writing challenge. I don’t know why really, see above about the lack of creativity I possess. I just… came out a heart scan at the hospital and thought ‘fuck it’ and signed up. I’m even less practised in writing than I am in drawing (though I read voraciously and everyone knows that’s ‘so helpful for building vocabulary etc’ 😅) but… we shall see how it progresses.

OH and storm Babet blew down a massive bough from one of the old ash trees in my garden. It’s currently sitting and destroying the lawn, just waiting for the tree surgeons to come and take care of it and check that the rest of the tree is still ok.

This is a fooking big branch. We have a decent sized garden and it’s taking up most of it. The satellite branches we’ve removed already are six ft long. And they’re like twigs compared to the main thing.

#personal #my monthly round up #self care is health care and all that #probably not very interesting to anyone who’s not me

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pancakeke · 2 years

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Did you get diagnosed with adhd as an adult? I ask because I'm an adult woman of color that can get up and go to work and can kind of interact with people around me, so I feel like I'll never get it

I got diagnosed when I was 29 but looking back I should have been diagnosed when I was in middle school lol. When I sought out a doctor I was technically functioning at my job and home but I was doing piss poor work and was stressed out beyond my limit 100% of the time.

I have a really hard time talking to doctors because I get anxious and forget what I want to highlight a lot so it may be helpful for you as well to list out your struggles and how they are negatively impacting your life. then you have a point by point list your doctor can use to help with diagnosis

for examples, a bunch of stuff I listed:

Work:

I forget to follow up on problem orders constantly, creating larger problems for myself later

I have to keep ridiculous amounts of notes to keep myself on track, but then the amount of notes becomes overwhelming and they become impossible to use

I question my memory at all times which keeps me in a high level of stress and anxiety

After dealing with some extra temporary responsibilities I hit a wall and have not been able to bounce back and do my normal duties very well anymore. Even my boss has noticed that I have had a hard time keeping up and talked to me about it. Nothing has permanently changed with my work, the problem is something with me.

home/personal life

I volunteer to help people with plans often but very quickly forget my responsibilities and only remember when reminded at the the last minute, putting myself in the position where I have to work until 2 or 3am to prepare for what we're doing

often I feel very creative and have the intention to work on home improvement or personal projects but either cant force myself to initiate a plan or after starting a plan I can't focus enough to get remotely close to completing it

along with the above, when actually starting a project it's generally on impulse and as soon as the impulse dies down I cant force myself to continue no matter how hard I try

I create constant messes and always feel disorganized no matter how hard I try to maintain an acceptable living space

I buy things on impulse for personal projects but then can't bring myself to work on the projects, meaning I often waste money on impulse buys that never go anywhere

I have a difficult time remembering to pay bills

General

forgetfulness causes me to accidentally procrastinate almost constantly, always putting me in a position where I have to rush while fueled by anxiety to get anything accomplished.

I basically rely on anxiety to push me to complete anything. if I'm not afraid of failure or causing problems it's almost like tasks don't exist

there isn't a day where one or more of the above things causes me problems.

kind of overboard but you get the idea. take some time over a week or two and note every time your ADHD symptoms affect your quality of life, and also add to your notes that all these things are negatively impacting you on a daily basis (if its true, which I don't doubt it is). If you share any of these problems with me feel free to tell your doctor you know someone diagnosed with ADHD who had the same problems to emphasize that you don't just have generalized anxiety.

My doctor made a copy of my notes to keep on file which I greatly appreciated. I've had a LOT of problems with doctors in the past not taking me seriously for physical problems I had so I'm like extra aware and suspicious of how doctors behave now.

I was genuinely surprised at how serious my doctor took all my issues. She didn't dismiss anything and agreed this sounded like ADHD. I'm white and can't talk to the issue of being POC and trying to get taken seriously by medical professionals but my generic advice is: don't be afraid to fire a doctor who doesn't seem to listen to you or is dismissive of your struggles. You don't even need to tell them they're fired, you can just cancel your next appt right after you make it and then ghost them. I went through 5 doctors (and hundreds of dollars....) getting a physical problem diagnosed once. I seriously wish I'd jumped ship on two of these guys sooner and stopped wasting my time and money on morons who had no investment in my health.

Also if possible, talk to local people you know or check out support groups (there are a lot of various ones on FB. also there may be forums out there for this kind of thing) for POC who struggle with finding doctors who actually listen to them. There may be recs you can use.

One more little bit of advice, if you're more comfortable with video chat than going to see a doctor in person you can do telehealth visits to speak with psychs about mental health issues and even get a diagnosis. It's what I did at first because it was easier to fit into my schedule. The only caveat is they can't prescribe you any medications for controlled substances (like adderall) without seeing you in person at least once. So if they do diagnose you with ADHD you'll have to go see them in person one time to get a prescription.

I always rant when I get asks for advice aaaa but I hope this helps at least somewhat!! If you have any other questions or want to talk feel free to send another ask or DM me!!

#ask #adhd

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rosysugarr · 1 year

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alright getting more into depth about my feelings right now here we go, yall can feel free to skip this, I just wanna think out loud and organize my thoughts

So, basically... the past two, almost three years of my life have been really, really fucking hard for me. Like. "I spent a month crying literally at least once a day" tier hard. And I'm still struggling with it. Adding to that has been the incredible fucking loneliness I've been experiencing.

And then I found dsmp fandom and just... dove headlong into it because of all of the above, and made it my Whole World, and I ended up getting into the place of it being just. everything I did. Which was fine back when things were lighthearted and fun! But over time, starting with the exile arc and getting worse and worse as things went on, the fandom became a more and more hostile and divided place to be, and because early on I'd let it become so much of my daily life and identity, I ended up in a place where any amount of negativity in the fandom, even if it was a point I agreed with, made me feel incredibly sick to my stomach. I ended up spending all day every day feeling anxious constantly and couldn't even enjoy talking about the content anymore because I felt this overwhelming amount of guilt and anxiety about doing so.

Which is why I left for a while. I realized I'd let this thing that should be something I enjoy for fun take up way too much of me, and looking back, it was REALLY UNHEALTHY. I haven't been taking care of my body or my mind, I haven't been a functional HUMAN in years. I totally forgot I had a body to even take care of in the first place half the time.

SO. I forced myself to avoid it for a while, to create distance. And it sucked for the first little while because I was constantly worrying that I was missing something... but I just reminded myself that even if I were, it would probably just make me feel worse if I hadn't missed it.

I'm finally in a more healthy space now, where I can enjoy the content without feeling intense anxiety and shame, and I'm gonna be working hard to maintain that-- keeping myself out of discourse or heated debates over the content or creators, using my blocked tags liberally or whatever, y'know. Doing what I need to do to care for myself, because I've realized that I cannot currently engage the way I was with this fandom previously because it's just... really unhealthy and damaged me really badly.

Hyperfixation can be a dangerous fucking thing. I know it's scary to even think about forcing yourself to step back from something you're fixated on, but believe me when I say that it is so important for you to assess your relationship with whatever you're fixated on and, if it isn't making you happy, if it's causing damage to your mind and body, you NEED to force yourself to take a step back if at all possible. Even if it's just for a couple of days.

Take care of yourselves, yall.

#rosychatter

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akajustmerry · 2 years

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Haven't seen aloto but one of the things i liked about chucks character in BCS is it's very clear (at least it seemed so to me...?) that Chuck isn't an obstacle for Jimmy because he has ocd and needs daily assistance but rather because of his prejudices (believing Jimmy can't and most importantly SHOULDN'T rise above his 'rightful' place) and because of their family history (Chuck feeling like he was less loved than Jimmy despite being a better person or at least what he thinks is a better person). Time and time again it's shown that Jimmy doesn't mind helping him and would have continued to do so had they not fallen out over the Sandpiper thing. Like to me the obstacle that Chuck brings to Jimmy is entirely an emotional one.

i mostly agree with you that the conflict chuck represents is his prejudice against jimmy cos of jimmy's past and his jealousy. i also agree that jimmy is shown chiefly to want to be helpful, as are most ppl in chuck's life.

however, there is also the way chuck deliberately uses his illness to entrap jimmy, pretending to have a severe episode so jimmy confesses to doctoring the masa verde files, which does eventually lead to jimmy's disbarment which is an obstacle for jimmy for 2 seasons.

all of that is emotionally motivated, yes, but bcs still makes a direct connection between chuck's resentment, his ocd and embodying an obstacle for jimmy. it's also not just jimmy that chuck's ocd amounts to an obstacle for either, but also for everyone at hhm, the court, the hospital -- and its all clearly framed as something they resent chuck for.

i know its not the only reason that chuck is presented as an asshole, without the ocd he'd still be an asshole. but there are numerous times where the ocd is portrayed as very much part of the reason chuck is so difficult. you can't really separate it. if there was another character with ocd in the show and it wasn't only associated with those plotlines, then i could easily totally agree that bcs as a show isn't moralising ocd as an obstacle. but chuck's the only OCD rep the show has and he's very much framed as an obstacle for everyone (even at his best). you can't really separate his ocd from the obstacle he presents, especially because he does use it specifically to get jimmy disbarred- even if he has other motivations.

perhaps I'm a little sensitive to all this as someone who has ocd and has been accused by family members of using it to "get my own way." but the portrayal of chuck as someone with OCD who uses his OCD to hurt the people trying to help him, ultimately isn't a very compassionate portrayal of OCD. any compassion or complexity shown in the show is undermined by the fact that you're basically meant to hate him right until the end. and yes that's more to do with who he is than his illness but the show does not want you to separate those things. i wish it did, but i feel it doesn't.

#ocd #// ocd #chuck mcgill #better call saul #anon

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thezoeydiaries · 1 month

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ENTRY #3

Hi, it's me again.

It's currently 1:59am and I'm sitting at my desk as I'm writing this entry. The past few days have been really exhausting, not physically, but it was so emotionally and mentally draining.

I'm at a point in my early 20s where there is a lot of pressure to get my sht together. Whether it would be in my finances, my career, my personal goals, and where I want to be in my life (or at least where I think I'm supposed to be headed). I have been reminded to have patience and to trust the Lord's plans for he never abandons us, especially during times of need. But I have this aching feeling of not being able to sit still and feel like I should be doing more with my life.

We have this Filipino saying of "Nasa Diyos ang awa; nasa Tao ang gawa", and what it basically means is you have to move and find a way to get what you want/need through the grace of God. Hindi ko naman nakakalimutan magdasal (siguro baka kulang pa din) but I cannot simply wait for things to happen.

Maybe this is a personal struggle of letting go of control and giving God your complete trust. I believe he can get me through anything and that he has great plans for me, but sitting in this discomfort is draining my spirit. I don't know if God is urging me to work harder and find a way to make things happen for me (to find solutions to problems, change something in my routine, etc.) or if he is asking me to just wait and seek his guidance while he makes a way for me.

I have no idea where I'll be in the next three months, but I'm hoping it's somewhere great. There is a constant battle in my heart and in my head, and I don't feel any closer to getting answers. To be honest, I feel lost. I don't really know what to ask for in prayer (so I just stare at the ceiling as I let my tears stream down my face until I fall asleep).

They say God hears our hearts when we cannot speak our minds. Of course, he knows me better than I do. He is the creator after all. But sometimes, I'd like to ask him if he can just clear my head or if he could think my thoughts for me because at times I do not really know what I should be thinking anymore. I have so many questions, and I'd like to ask for directions and guidance from above, so I keep asking for all these silly signs just to get a somewhat concrete answer to where and what I should be right now.

It's 2:14am and I have a shoot today. I should leave by 4am and reach GMA before 5 because that's the time we leave for Subic, Zambales. I will be going to the shoot with no sleep yet again. I'll have to hit pause on these thoughts because I have to prepare for my shoot. So I guess, I'll just continue this for another time. So till then, I hope I find more strength to conquer life's daily challenges.

*CTTO of the images in this blog post.

Au revoir my lovelies, till next time~

Love,

Zoey na nagb-breakdown.

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shakil244 · 3 months

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I saw the other side of the "new life" of Taobao e-commerce

In the past three or four years, there HE Tuber has been a widely circulated saying: The strategic direction of Taobao e-commerce to upgrade consumption and brand e-commerce has been proven wrong by history, and competitors dominated by low prices and white brands are the future. winner. The above statement is not only popular among investors and media circles, but also believed by many Internet practitioners.

However, I have always disagreed with the above statement.

There is no doubt that low-price and white-label products have been in the spotlight in the past two years, which has profoundly affected the industry's judgment on the e-commerce landscape and its predictions for the future of the industry.

But this trend has been grossly exaggerated, and some investors’ analysis lacks basic business common sense.

First of all, from the perspective of GMV, Taoxi has always been the largest retail e-commerce platform in the country (unique).Third-party monitoring data shows that in the second quarter of 2023, the MAU (monthly active users) of Taobao APP reached 877 million, 260 million ahead of the second place. A research report just published by Goldman Sachs pointed out that Taobao's user activity (DAU/MAU) increased by 45% year-on-year in June 2023, ranking first among e-commerce APPs in terms of growth rate.

It can be seen that no matter what standard or caliber is adopted, Taobao e-commerce has not "lost its vitality" as some people think. In core consumer categories such as clothing and beauty products, Taobao's leading advantage is still very huge. This is reflected not only in statistical data but also in each of us' daily consumption - it goes without saying.

More importantly, Taobao/Tmall is still the main battlefield for brand management, no matter what level or positioning the brand has. In 2022, there will be more than 4,000 brands on the Tmall platform with a GMV of over 10 million, and more than 6,000 new brands with a GMV of over 10 million. In the second quarter of 2023, the number of new merchants on Tmall increased by 75% year-on-year. Merchants alone exceeded the total in the first half of last year. If you think back, you will find that most of the "new domestic" brands we are familiar with, from beauty brands such as Perfect Diary and Hua Xizi, to FMCG brands such as Three and a Half and Zhong Xuegao, to vertical categories such as sports and outdoor, small home appliances, etc. It often emerges during a shopping festival event such as Tmall’s “Double 11” and enters the mainstream consumer’s field of vision.

"As a brand owner, you can place ads and close transactions on any channel, but you must operate the Tmall flagship store, because that is where your customer resources really accumulate." I heard this point of view as early as 2021. Friends in the business industry have said it, and I have heard it more than once this year. Someone summed it up more succinctly: "No Tao style, no brand."

Therefore, when Taotian Group announced the establishment of the KA Service Department on July 25, I fully agreed and thought this was the right path. The KA Service Department will cover nearly 20 industries in Taotian's three major business development centers, and each industry will provide comprehensive support to KA merchants starting from the first position. There is no doubt that Taoxi e-commerce must insist on advancing the branding route, rather than fully learn from its competitors, abandon branding, and embrace "consumption downgrade" as some investors hope. I would also like to add that it is a narrow and wrong view to oppose branding to low price and cost-effectiveness. No matter what China's economic prospects are, no matter what trends consumer behavior shows, branding has a future.

We might as well take a look at the recent case of Japan: after experiencing the "lost thirty years", long-term stagnation of per capita income and severe birthrate decline, Japan still gave birth to a number of well-known consumers such as Muji and Uniqlo. brand. Take Uniqlo as an example. Although it was founded in 1963, it was not until 1991 that it decided to focus on the "Fast Retail" model. Its core competitiveness is almost the ultimate price-performance ratio for the middle class. This kind of brand positioning is not only popular among Japanese consumers after the bubble economy burst, but also popular among Chinese consumers. Incidentally, Uniqlo’s Tmall flagship store has 26.83 million fans, making it one of the brands with the largest number of Taobao e-commerce members.

Facts tell us that "branding" has never been a narrow "heading", let alone "high price". Brand means the influence on consumers' minds and the sustainable management of customers. Brands can be produced at any price and in any category. Therefore, Taotian Group's definition of KA is not limited to the top merchants, but also includes "merchants with potential in the waist." For example, among the new merchants entering Tmall in the second quarter of this year, nearly 30 have already exceeded 10 million in GMV, and nearly 700 have exceeded 1 million in GMV. Most of them should become the focus of Taotian KA’s service department. Service object.

Tmall is the main position of domestic brand e-commerce, which is determined by many factors such as technical infrastructure, traffic distribution model and operating model. Among mainstream e-commerce channels, some are more suitable for explosive single product sales, while others are more suitable for impulsive consumption. But we all know that emphasizing hot-selling single products means neglecting long-term store operations; emphasizing impulsive consumption means ignoring consumers' active attention and search for brands. Every coin has a head and a tail, and it is impossible for both sides to be heads. At the same time, Tmall’s strong contract fulfillment capabilities and complete customer service system are also urgently needed by brands. Seeing this, we can have a deeper understanding of the meaning of the sentence "You can place ads and close transactions on any channel, but you must operate a Tmall flagship store."

Some people will say: "Why must we brand? You gave the example of Japan above, but China's situation is very special, with both strong manufacturing capacity and a strong Internet. Looking at the essence through the phenomenon, maybe we do Should we abandon the brand and pursue the ultimate cost-effectiveness through the 'white label' model?"

This is a good question.

But if we really look at the essence through the phenomenon, we will find that "white labeling" or "de-branding" may not necessarily lead to sustainable low prices.

Just ask the merchants on the live broadcast e-commerce platform and you will know how high their delivery fees are and how high the return rate (and the resulting loss) is! Because the white card does not occupy the user's mind, this means that the user's mind must be re-established every time, and only a meager return on investment can be obtained in a short life cycle. The one-sided pursuit of "de-branding" of low-priced and explosive products is, for merchants, more like a stop-gap measure to destock during the overcapacity phase; even if this model can continue, it will never be the only option for the consumer market.

We can take another look at the experience of overseas markets.

During the epidemic, a number of e-commerce-native D2C (Direct-to-Consumer) brands were born in Europe and the United States. They are based on independent websites and social media. On the one hand, they emphasize product innovation and on the other hand, they focus on cost-effectiveness. Many independent websites that started by selling white brands have gradually transformed into D2C brands. In fact, China's cross-border e-commerce unicorn Shein can be regarded as a "fast fashion D2C" brand and platform that developed from an independent website. The development experience of D2C shows that no matter how far the Internet develops and no matter what the economic situation is, consumers still need brands, but different brands have different demands.

What’s interesting is that in China, due to the lack of soil and tradition for independent e-commerce sites, Tmall has become the home base of local D2C brands. If they leave Tmall, D2C brands can only rely on strong social tools such as WeChat for private domain operations. However, strong social tools cannot provide contract fulfillment capabilities, data and customer service support; or they can only rely on live broadcasts such as Douyin and Kuaishou. business platforms, but the strength of these platforms is short-term single product operations rather than long-term brand operations.

Therefore, it is completely understandable that China’s new domestic products and fast fashion brands often emerge from Tmall and use Tmall as their base camp.

Having said that, what exactly does the KA Service Department that Taotian Group just established want to do?

There is no official announcement yet, but from the perspective of consumers and brands, we can imagine that the following directions are potential areas for Taobao e-commerce companies to develop KA services:

The first is brand membership operations . Data proves that membership can effectively boost brand sales; as of the end of April 2023, the unit price of Tmall brand members is 1.5 times higher than that of large-market users, and the repurchase rate is 2.3 times higher. However, it seems that there is still much room for improvement in the functions of Tmall brand membership, and some consumers only use it as a tool to collect points and coupons. Especially for some categories with low purchase frequency, how to arouse members' "sense of belonging" and communicate with customers based on the membership model is a challenge worth trying.

The second is content . Historically, Taoxi was generally regarded as the most "easy to shop" among mainstream e-commerce platforms; however, with the rise of live streaming e-commerce, the mentality of "easy to shop" is no longer exclusive to Taoxi. However, Taoxi has never given up its attempts to create content, and the brand itself is a kind of content. How to create a synergy between "branding" and "content" to make Taobao shopping easier?

The third is the licensing of cultural and creative products and IP derivatives . Taoxi established an IP platform like Aliyu as early as 2017. In the era of social media, the popularity of “pay for love” means that the scale of the IP economy continues to expand. Can Taoxi further intervene in various aspects such as brand co-branding, IP licensing and even product creativity to generate higher added value for brands?

Many people believe that Taobao e-commerce is facing great challenges and must completely change its course in order to make a comeback. My point of view is that Taoxi’s market position is solid and its branding strategy is correct. To solve the current problems, it is precisely necessary to adjust and upgrade the existing branding route to achieve "rebirth". In the final analysis, it is about activating Taoxi's own competitiveness and defeating competitors in the way it is good at, rather than following the opponent's rhythm.

#Comedy #Entertainment #News & Politics #How-to & Style #Non- profits & activism

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baoyiyuan · 9 months

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Independent projects｜#25

Timeline: 2023

Migrants = Invaders ?

Refugee Words:

“When the refugees arrive they get a number and we, the Arabic and Farsi speakers, translate the announcements and explain to people what they need to do and where they need to go.”

“At the same time, millions of people are "stateless", meaning they have been denied nationality and access to basic rights such as education, healthcare, employment and freedom of movement.”

“Our city is gone. There’s nothing left any more. Not only was Assad bombing us from above, we were living in fear of ISIS too.

I left with my two children, as well as my husband, mother and brothers. But one of my brothers didn’t make it. He died in Syria.

We would have fled earlier if we could, but we didn’t have enough money. We were hoping that the war would end. The journey was really difficult. My children were shaking and crying. We were so scared because the sea got extremely rough before our boat reached the shore.

Right now, I’m dreaming of living a life without fear. All I want is for my children to have one night’s sleep without fear.”

“The displacement of large groups of people across a wide area is a humanitarian crisis in itself. ”"Humanitarian action is more than simple generosity, simple charity. It aims to build spaces of normalcy in the midst of what is abnormal."

What is humanitarianism:

Humanitarianism is based on a view that all human beings deserve respect and dignity and should be treated as such. To be humanitarian today is to have compassion for every person, regardless of their past. To encourage a better future for those who are fighting a battle with their mental health on a daily basis.

REFLECTION:

Just as in these reports, refugees get numbered, so the constraints within the rules include all people and species, events, and everything within the rules we create. It's like every species has to have its own place to live.

Ref: 1.https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/jun/11/thousands-afghan-refugees-uk-homeless-crisis-operation-warm-welcome

2.Wikipedia

3.actionaid.org.uk

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brydigdraws · 11 months

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So these are long overdue lmao

I didn’t quite realise how 2021 was The Year of Crowley (2020 was The Year of Aziraphale) and 2022 was The Year of Izzy until I put these summaries together

I didn’t manage to account for every month these past two years, and 2022 is looking particularly sketchy (quite literally). This is because Shit Went Down :) I’m going to summarise it below for my own benefit▼

Personal/philosophical ramble under cut

In 2021 I had a lot going on, which I think explains the lack of art in June and August (memory’s fuzzy), and why I never posted some of the art in the summary here on tumblr (miiight post Nov and Dec soon-ish). In 2022 things initially screeched to a halt and I had the worst art crisis (and personal crisis tbh) I’ve ever had. Basically I had a really hard time drawing anything without it feeling completely soulless and of worse quality than my actual skill level, which heavily impacted my motivation to draw (sometimes my ofmd obsession came out on top lmao, but that fanart still felt like it was lacking something essential 99% of the time). I drew less, and felt worse for drawing less, which made me draw even less, repeat ad infinitum. It wasn’t until solidly into Autumn that I realised the root of the problem: I had tied the label “artist” so closely to my identity that it had effectively become my identity. And since it was my identity, I felt I had to become a professional artist or be miserable, and in order to become a professional artist I felt I had to constantly focus on honing my skills and get better, nitpick everything in every drawing and strive for impossible perfection, and “draw every day” as all the professional artists advice you to do (I have never managed to draw every day, and my failure to do so made me feel like I was lagging behind). Drawing had slowly but steadily become some insane rat race to me and eventually it ruined my art because I couldn’t appreciate where I was at. Actually finishing a piece of art felt like an incredibly arduous task with little reward (which is why I only really “finished” two pieces last year). I had drained myself of the inherent joy of creating. But realising this didn’t solve the problem, not on its own, because if the fact was “artist is my whole identity” the question then became “If I don’t create art, am I anything at all?”, and the answer for some time was “No.”

I have since found joy and genuine excitement in other types of creating (not that I hadn’t before, but never above a hobbyist level) with potential career opportunities that won’t make my daily life “miserable” (fun fact about me: my biggest fears are the unknown and having my soul ground down by the tireless gears of capitalism). This has helped me stress less about “becoming a professional artist” (something I’m still certain I’d enjoy, despite it all) and find some identity outside of art, but that perfectionist/improvement mindset in relation to my art didn’t start to leave me until a few days before New Year’s. That’s when I was suddenly inspired to make the Ed/Izzy sketch representing Dec ‘22 in the summary above. I had effectively given up on my art at that point, but my mental image was so strong I had to commit it to (digital) paper, no matter if it turned out like shit or not (which, in retrospect, is probably the most visceral motivation an artist can have for practicing their craft). Having no expectations on myself, and with the single-minded drive to capture the ~vibes~ and nothing more, I found the act of drawing fun and near effortless for the first time in fucking years. That’s when it clicked. You don’t have to try and make every aspect of a drawing perfect, and not every drawing needs to be properly rendered; just focus on the one or few most important things you need to be able to convey what it is you want to convey (in this case it was the overall poses and facial expressions). The rest may not be perfect, but it wouldn’t have been even if you tried to make it so, because perfection is fucking unattainable (as much as my chronically perfectionist ass wishes it wasn’t). Trying to attain it is a fool’s errand that’ll slowly eat you up, and your audience will most probably not even notice or care about the difference.

Audiences, especially online audiences, are arguably their own potential source of artist brainrot (and not the fun kind), and I’m of the firm opinion that art can definitely be made for no one’s eyes other than the artist’s own (in opposition to the mindset that the purpose of all art is for it to be shared with external parties) - my own art from years ago being an example of this. But I have found sharing my art with others to be such an inherent joy to me that I don’t think I’ll ever fully stop doing it, and will continue to try my best not to fall into the mental pitfalls that can come with it.

I don’t think my relationship to my own art is fully mended (and I’ve likely failed to see some of the cracks), but it’s definitely better now than it has been in a long, long while.

in short, thanks to edizzy’s dysfunctional marriage for helping me not give up on art I guess

#template by DustBunnyThumper on dA #my art #summary of art #fan art #original #suggestive #in regards to the contents of the read more: this does NOT mean art uploads will be more frequent; I am a spotty bitch and that's chronic

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liftoid · 1 year

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spring cut log #0

I will be "officially" starting my fat loss phase tomorrow (why not today? don't want to, basically) and I want to preface it by talking about my thoughts regarding where I'm at currently, where I hope to get, how I'm planning on doing that, and problems I anticipate cropping up.

I haven't weighed myself today but based on recent weigh-ins and my eating habits currently I would guess I'm somewhere between 185 and 190 pounds. It's entirely possible my weight will be above 190 when I weight myself tomorrow, but a large part of that would be due to water retention and bloating from what I've been eating the past few days and would go quickly once I clean up my act. My goal is to get to 165 by May 15, starting from March 9. The May 15 date is pretty arbitrary, but it's the Monday after my finals week, my last day at my internship, and is shortly before I'll be going to a concert, as well as being not long before my birthday. I also want to get to a lower body comp by the time summer really starts so I will feel more comfortable in my necessarily more revealing summer attire. It might be better in some ways to just accept my body and have fun regardless, but I have issues with that for gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia reasons, and I do think being at a lower body fat will help with that to some degree. I also just want to be able to see my muscles better and have an easier time running and playing sports in general, and carrying less excess fat helps with that. 165 should be pretty lean for a 5'8'' "female" with a decent amount of muscle, hence it being my goal. I intend to maintain around that bodyfat% or maybe slowly keep lowering it, depending on how I'm feeling, for the duration of the summer and then start bulking in the fall.

I'm using MacroFactor to track my diet--it's my preferred diet app because I like the automatic adjustments and the macro recommendations it gives me. I'm also happy to support the people who made it. It's arguably silly to pay for a product where similar free apps exist, but I genuinely believe it's worth it for me personally and adds more value to my life than most unnecessary things I spend money on. I am of course eating high protein, and I've opted to go for lower fat in favor of more carbs just because personally fat is the easiest macro for me to reduce. My daily calories and macros starting out are 1610 calories with 130p, 41f, and 180c. I should acknowledge these calories are pretty low! I'm trying to reduce a significant amount of weight in a relatively short time, which isn't optimal for adherence or enjoyment, and I wouldn't recommend people do this in general, but it's what I'm doing to try to reach my goal by the date I set. If it becomes too tough, I'll back off on my goal and bring my calories up to a smaller deficit.

I'm hoping to lift 4 times a week. I play a sport recreationally twice a week, and I also try to go on runs at least once or twice a week. I also aim to get around 10k steps each day. The lifting will be the hardest thing for me to be consistent with due to the time commitment and because I despise the atmosphere of my university gym. It has a relatively small effect on energy expenditure, so it isn't the biggest issue for fat loss if I skip it more often than not, but I'd really like to maintain my muscle or even gain a little bit so at minimum I want to at least go once or twice a week. Running is also time-dependent as well as being weather-dependent since I run outside, but it's easier to commit to an hour, from leaving my house to coming back, for a run compared to two for lifting (lifting doesn't HAVE to take that long, but for the volume I want to do and with rest times, it adds up...). I fall short of 10k steps most days this semester, but if I can get close consistently that'll be good enough I think. I used to consistently hit 12-15k last spring based on my class schedule. Miss that.

I haven't gotten around to picking all of these up yet, but I intend to take a multivitamin, fish oil, a fiber supplement, and creatine daily. I'm also a big caffeine addict, so there will be plenty of coffee and energy drinks in my life. I'm trying to shift more to coffee as opposed to energy drinks since they're expensive and I'm kind of starting to not love how they make me feel, and I also find they're less effective than coffee for giving me a buzz (which is a goal. I love caffeine jitters). Anyway, none of these are necessary but I'm hoping the first three things I mentioned will help to supplement things I'm missing in my diet (more on that next) and I find creatine does subtly make my muscles look bigger and makes me a little stronger, so might as well.

Diet--I'm planning on meal prepping servings of roast veggies and lean meat for a couple days at a time and filling in the rest of my macros with greek yogurt, cottage cheese, chickpea pasta, tofu, and protein powder. I also want to try to eat some fruit every day. I know realistically I will likely end up missing veggies and fruit many days, so I think a multivitamin and fiber supp is called for here. Since my diet will be pretty low in fat, I think getting omega-3s with the fish oil supplement can't hurt. My diet is always one of the things I struggle with most due to my binge eating tendencies and also, this food is just kinda boring! Even when it's tasty, I still get inclinations to go get a candy bar or slice of pizza. Managing cravings is annoying, and while I could in theory include these foods in some quantity, it makes everything else worse in order to make room for them. I'm sure they'll creep in here and there, but I'm trying to minimize that.

Other issues I forsee are weed, drinking, and difficulties managing stress and sleep. The former two are issues because they encourage me to eat more and in the case of alcohol it's inherently caloric and bad for recovery (weed probably isn't good for recovery either in my case, though I don't think this is a big problem for everyone). These can be avoided by just not doing them, but I love getting high especially when I'm stressed and it's not unlikely I'll have some occasion or another where I'll be drinking. With weed I just need to plan to go to bed at a reasonable time and not go crazy eating, and with alcohol I think I should shift my calories to be consumed close to the time I'll be drinking and to leave some uneaten to help compensate for alcohol and anything I might choose to go eat while I'm intoxicated. A nice thing about cutting is it takes way less to get me feeling silly, so hopefully that'll also help reduce my calories from alcohol. Stress and sleep issues are going to be harder just because being stressed is a fact of my life right now and I have to forgo sleep at times in order to get work done. Working on not procrastinating would help with both of these--maybe won't fix them entirely, but would definitely improve my situation.

Looking at the problems I've identified, I can see getting on top of my school and work stuff would help alleviate a lot of them, so it's my goal to get my shit together as I do this cut. I'm about to head into spring break, so I want to tie up any loose ends from the first half of this semester to have a clean start going into the rest of it. I didn't really mention it earlier, but stress and procrastination both trigger my binging tendencies, so getting stuff in order will also help with that.

Writing these logs is something I'm mostly doing for fun and for some sense of accountability (though no one is reading these lol) but I think it'll also encourage me to be more introspective and reflect on what's working and what isn't, and why that's the case. I think normal people just journal but I've never been able to get into that because it feels too general to just write about my day or how I felt that day or whatever people usually write about. Framing it through the lens of fat loss gives me a focus, and it's becoming clear to me as I write this that for this process to go optimally I'm going to have to get the other areas of my life in check as well, so I expect to be mentioning those things throughout these posts. I don't plan on editing these much before posting--they're going to be largely stream of consciousness nonsense and I'm kind of looking forward to reading them months later and getting a glimpse into where my mind is at at various points.

On days I train I'll post my workouts and I think I'm going to start tracking my running stats closer as well. Likewise, if I pick up any other modes of cardio (I've been eyeing the rowing machines at my gym) I'll share my stats for those as well to the best of my ability. I also intend to post my steps, weight, weight trend, and calories and macros each day. I might throw in some food pics here and there but my diet is going to be pretty uninteresting so they probably won't be frequent. I don't plan on enumerating exactly what foods I eat each day, but I might describe it in general terms.

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purplenurple777 · 1 year

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Happiness Blog #2

Chapter four delved into the ins and outs of gratitude, covering many topics including all the ways in which gratitude and optimistic thinking has been positively correlated with happiness, empathy, forgiveness, and experiencing higher energy levels. The chapter covered eight ways in which gratitude boosts happiness. I resonated heavily with the first way: grateful thinking promotes the savoring of positive life experiences. The first time I watched the movie Ratatouille as a child my mind was blown. The way in which the movie captivated the magic and pleasure derived from something as simple as snacking was insane to me. Now it is that movie I think of when I attempt to be present and really savor my experiences. A new-ish trend on TikTok has arisen recently, it is the idea of "romanticizing your life." I believe the sentiment behind this is so important. The feel of a warm cup in my hands, hearing my dad laugh, the first bite of a good sammy, climbing a tree, a hug. These things sound so corny, but there are moments in my life where things just feel right, so innately human and pure. I've learned to lean into that. It makes the sad parts feel beautiful too, even if they are also devastating. This chapter was very valuable because it got into the nuts and bolts of practicing gratitude, even including activities for those who do not know where to begin. I feel like often people are discouraged by attempting to make positive changes in their lives because they hear buzzwords like 'practicing gratitude' but are not sure what it means to incorporate things like these into their daily lives.

Chapter five was centered around relationships, but within that I found that it was also about balance. In this chapter relationships are literally credited as, "the single most important factor responsible for the survival of homo sapiens". The chapter begins by outlining all the ways in which showing kindness to others has been linked with benefits. Doing kind deeds for others can reshape your self perception, bring about positive social consequences, and generally make us feel good. After explaining all of the studies in which these benefits were shown, the author makes an important clarification. While being kind to others can bring you happiness, there are many caveats in which certain forms of altruism can be harmful to the self (both mentally and physically). There has to be both a give and take, a maintenance of equilibrium. Personally I have found this challenging in a few of my relationships. I am a helper, I want to be there for those in my life, to lift them up when it is needed. I want to make those around me laugh, to make them feel good. But I have found that a few people in my life learned this and have used it to their advantage. It is only within the past few years that I have had the perspective and confidence to confront these issues, which sucked because I loathe confrontation and I didn't want to lose people I cared for. Even so, it turned out to be one of the best things I have ever done. I am not trying to sound like, "poor me, I am too giving :(" But I used to walk into rooms believing I owed everyone something, that I needed to be of value and prove my worth to deserve the most basic kindness in return. Thank God this is something I am finally growing out of. It's very easy to become a doormat when you place others so highly above you.

Chapter six was about managing the hard stuff. Stress, hardship, and trauma are practically inevitable parts of the human experience. While it is important to prioritize happiness all the time, it is when happiness feels out of reach that managing the negative becomes increasingly important. There are many approaches mentioned in this chapter that I have learned about before. Terms that I was bound to run into as a psychology major including problem based coping, emotion based coping, posttraumatic growth, social support. One thing that the chapter covered extensively was forgiveness. See one thing about me is that I can hold a grudge. If grudge holding became an olympic sport I might be going to Paris in 2024. That being said, you have to know when to let go, if not for them then for yourself. You may think that some people are not deserving of your forgiveness, and you may be right. But while difficult, forgiveness is the more rewarding path. Do not let them take up the excess space in your mind, use that mental energy to prioritize your own healing and happiness.

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one-year-experiment · 2 years

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Day 2

Today has been a decent day so far. I wish I had maybe sat down and figured this post out a bit earlier to focus my day, but there is still enough of it left so I figured it's still worth doing.

I clearly want to start feeling better as soon as I can, so I've been thinking about what types of changes will hep facilitate that faster. And I think while I am prone to having big dreams of the future (music, theater, job), there are more basic things that would help build a foundation going forward. Things like exercise, trying to change my typical diet up, focusing on sleep, and an activity journal for a week (for therapy).

One thing that I love doing is brainstorming big goals, and then wanting to "get there faster," which then causes me to not be consistent with it. And the lack of consistency could be because of a variety of reasons: the daily goals are too aggressive too early, my goals are too rigid (wake up at X time, and if you don't you've already failed, etc.), lack of progress (or progress I deem worthy of recognition), and an external event of some kind (I've had consistent exercise/diet regimens completely derailed by a weekend trip - I just don't return to the old habits).

The issue with all of the habits I've formed in the past and then gave up is that I do think these habits help me feel better and more in control of my life. But when you do these habits for long enough, you almost forget that they were the very things that made you feel better. I've gotten pretty fit in the past, and the circumstances were very similar to where I am now, but I think depression and negative self-esteem/stress just maes it fele like you can't just do it again. I find myself coming up with reasons I can't do things now ("I'll do it later tonight" - spoiler: I didn't). It's like I have a list of things I know would help me feel a bit better (exercising, eating a vegetable each day, get my sleep in order) but I just end each day wishing I had done one of those things. I know easy things are often more difficult for people who are depressed. I feel lucky because I'd describe my depression (which is pretty severe for me) as a dulling/hopeless of experiences and emotions rather than more severe symptoms.

Here's where I want this journal/experiment to help guide me. I want to give myself tasks for the next week and then at the 8th day (after a full week, so that'll be Day 10 of this blog I think…) see how I did and rerate my depressive symptoms and reflect. I know nobody will likely read many of these, but even the thought that one person might be reading this is a new level of accountability I don't have right now, especially for the little things (because who wants to talk about how brushing their teeth is hard to anyone? lol)

My plan for 10/26 (tomorrow) - 11/1 (ew November):

Brush teeth twice a day

Skin care twice a day

Track my activities and moods in my therapy worksheet

Move my body for at least 30 minutes a day (yoga, walks, cardio, weights/resistance)

No fast food or soda

(Side note: I've drank soda for most of my life and I love the carbonation so when I originally lost weight and was exercising I was drinking diet soda and carbonated water, but I think I want to kick my carbonation addiction so I'm going to try to limit my carbonated beverage consumption to ~1 a day as long as it's not soda)

Take all medications and vitamins each day (antidepressant, vitamin D, fish oil when I get more)

Get outside for ~15 minutes each day, especially in the morning for light

Be aggressively kind to myself (accepting that this might not be the most "productive" week to my warped brain, and things might be hard and I might not do each of these each day but I should strive for "good enough" and consistency above a streak or perfection)

(Another side note: I always kinda roll my eyes when people say they're a perfectionist because I feel like it's oftentimes someone trying to casually flex their high standards, but my perfectionistic attitudes are more "this idea sucks, throw it away" before the thought's wings carried it off the ground. But I think this issue might be better putting on the back burner for now)

Keep updating this blog during the week (ideally in the mornings to focus my intentions for that day)

While this seems like a lot (and I really hope that this isn't one of my "going too fast moments"), most can be done in shorts bursts of time (and I can double up on sunshine + walks). This blog is also another way for me to see this plan, see if it works out, and reflect on why. I hope this year will be a year of getting to know myself, what I can do, and being better at estimating and planning.

Whew… okay I know this was a lot, but thanks for reading. I hope to look back at these entries a year from now and be proud of the person typing this out right now because I helped lay the foundation for a healthier life.

See you tomorrow :)

#journal #diary #journal entry #lgbtq #depression #day 2 #gay #exercise #goals #musician

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