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#because like to believe otherwise would not bring me joy
Hungover: knight!price x princess!reader
"Do you need a bucket?"
"Don't speak to me right now."
Sir John Price didn't try to hide his smile as he stood in the solar near the couch where you laid sprawled out. You had called him there so you could out early in the morning, however you ended confining yourself to the couch with a shawl covering your eyes.
"How are you not bedridden like me?" You groaned and he chuckled.
"Because," He began. He walked to the door and opened it, luckily catching one of the servants and asking her to bring you tea before he shut the door again. "I have a tolerance. You've barely drank more than a cup of wine in your life."
"Don't speak about alcohol, I may be sick."
Price scoffed and walked back over to you. He glanced around the room, shutting the curtains enough to where most of the sunlight was hidden but still illuminated the room before he turned to you. He knew there was no way you were going outside today, maybe not even outside the solar.
Because of that he felt a little out of place. You had no need for him, even if he wanted to stay. It would be a very bad look on you if he were stay around when you didn't need him and he didn't want to jeopardize you. There was also nothing he could do in the solar; he couldn't embroider or play chess because you were not capable.
There were the books but he'd rather do something else to torture himself with them.
"Should I leave, your highness?" He wondered but you shook your head.
"Keep me company. I won't fall asleep." You said softly.
"Do you believe that's wise?"
You peeked at him from behind the shawl and saw his concerned look. He glanced at the door again, saying it without saying it, and you thought for a long moment.
"Servants see everything but they seldom speak to anyone about it." You assure him as you placed the shawl back over your eyes. "And if I tell them I want you here, then they won't question it."
Price hummed, unable to stop the smile that tugged at his lips as he took a seat. You wanted him here.
"Should've brought my cards." He stretched out in the chair and looked through the crack of the curtains.
"You're free to the books." You gestured vaguely to the room before you brought the shawl down from your eyes. "I know, you could read to me."
Price's eyes widened and he looked at you with surprise. His mouth went a little dry as you stared at him with genuine joy at the idea yet he couldn't return it.
"You want to listen to me?" He wondered and you nodded.
"I'll fall asleep otherwise." You argued softly, though you weren't going to admit he might put you to sleep as well.
As much as he wanted to argue he could see that you weren't going to back down. He knew you wouldn't but now he was trapped, backed into a corner with no way to recover from this.
He could only imagine what you would say to him. What you might think, the crown princess of pure noble blood, would do when you found out the best knight in the realm's secret.
Regrettably he stood and walked to the shelf, staring at the many spines of the books.
"What should I read to you?" He's not sure why he asked, it's not like he would be able to pick out the right one.
"It doesn't matter, I've read them all." You hummed and you situated yourself more comfortably. "Which reminds me, I need to get different books soon."
Price hummed, noting that as he pulled out a random book. He eyed the cover, the engraved words meaning nothing to him as he felt himself grow even more nervous.
Perhaps he could come up with an excuse to leave...no he couldn't. He didn't want to hurt your feeling to save his pride.
"This one?" He held it up so you could see.
"Oh, that's one of my favorites! Good choice, Sir John." You smile and he sucked in his lips as his heart sunk.
"Alright..."
Price sat back in his chair and flipped the book open, pointedly ignoring your expectant stare as he stared at the first page. He couldn't even begin to guess what any of the words meant, only being able to recognize "the" "and" and "a". On maps he just memorized what others called the names on them, for letters he made Kyle write them. Here he had no crutch, nothing to fall back on and he shifted uncomfortably.
"Can you read, Sir John?" Your voice was softer but he couldn't look at you.
"No, your highness." He admitted and shut the book.
"Did your father not teach you?" You titled your head with confusion. "All squires get an education."
He couldn't lie anymore. He shook his head and kept his eyes on the cover of the book.
"I was very fortunate that the lord who took me in did, but I was already of age to start training, so I didn't have the time."
Your eyes widened with realization.
"You weren't born a noble?"
"No."
You stayed silent and Price found it hard not to feel some sort of shame. He hadn't deliberately lied, it was just that everyone had assumed he was fully noble without question. He grew up hidden among them, seeing a part of life he hadn't even dreamed of knowing that many of the other knights he had trained with would deny his nobility simply because his parents were peasants.
He knew how quickly things would fall apart if anyone found out, even if he was the best knight.
Now you knew.
It was another nail in the coffin of his unattainable desires. Not only was he a knight but he was technically a peasant. Your mother would punish you harder, which meant it was a good thing it'd never come to be.
Though he could only imagine how much this changed how you saw him.
"Why are you ashamed?" You sat up slowly and he finally glanced at you.
"You're not that naïve. Many would see me as a false knight despite my best efforts." He explained and you looked at him with soft yet serious eyes.
"Do their opinion mean more than your skills?"
Price's eyebrows knitted together and he looked at you for a moment. He had never thought about it that way but in reality the only thing that mattered to him was that the job got done, and that the crown was safe. That you were safe.
When he shook his head you nodded with finality.
"It shouldn't matter anyway. A knight's value is in his skill and you're incredibly well trained and brave." You said and he looked away bashfully. "If I heard such nonsense I wouldn't let it stand."
"You flatter me, your highness." He flashed you a nervous smile and you returned it.
"Better than barbaric."
He scoffed and nodded but couldn't think of anything else to say. He didn't like that you knew but seeing that you didn't care made him feel somewhat better. And knowing how you think of him took most of the embarrassment away.
He grabbed the book and stood up to put it back when you spoke.
"I'll teach you to read." You stated and he looked at you incredulously.
"I can't ask you to do that-"
"You didn't. I said I would."
Somehow you always managed to surprise him in the strangest ways possible. He watched you sigh in thought as you lounged back down on the couch and situate yourself more comfortably.
You stared at him with an unreadable look in your eyes that made him shift on his feet.
"Once I'm better." You smiled and closed your eyes. "Now tell me a story, or we'll both waste away from boredom."
He stared at you, unsure yet he couldn't help the way that his shoulders felt less tense and how...excited he felt to be able to read in the future.
The things he could do for you once he could would be endless.
"A story, eh? This one will be better than your books."
A/n: Sir John Price is not a poet and yet maybe he might write you something someday
Tags: @deadbranch @makayla-666 @glitterypirateduck @dumbbitchgalore @m0chac0ffee @dragonbe-writing @sleepyoriana @twismare @blush-haze @waiting-so-long @sofasoap
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balkanradfem · 2 years
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Scary story about a river incident
This is going to be a scary and upsetting story, and talk about a male predator, so be warned if you’re not feeling up to these topics!
So the year is 2016, and I’ve just recently moved into the city, and discovered that if you walk very far into the fields outside, you will eventually reach a meeting place of two rivers, and witness gorgeous waterfalls. It took 40 minutes to walk there, so not a lot of people knew about this place or went there. Most of the times I would go, it was a private little field trip, and the water just before the waterfalls was incredibly deep and perfect for swimming.
I was there in the water one day in the late summer. It was getting late, but the sun was still reaching the last rays of light into the water, and I have found a neat little place on the other side of the river with sand, rocks and shells. I was having the time of my life diving under, finding pretty shells and rocks and stashing them for my treasured collection.
At some point, another person arrived to the river, from the same side as I did, but different access point. I wasn’t bothered by it, my things were hidden well, sometimes young people would come and play in the river, they usually never bothered me, so I disregarded this and kept playing with my shells.
I hadn’t realized it was a male person, and I haven’t realized that he took into the water and started swimming directly towards me, until he was already only a few feet away. He was old, but he was strong. He looked 60-ish, but his body was double my size. He was swimming fast. I was at that point, 26, but I looked younger. I had struggled to eat enough and I was underweight. I had nothing on this guy.
Before I could gather myself, he was reaching his arms around me; I was in a neat little corner with rocks behind me, and he was reaching one arm on the rock, and other around me, his goal was to trap me between the rocks and his body. I didn’t have more than a second to realize what’s going on, and guided by instinct, I dove underwater before he was able to trap me, and swam to the direction of my access point, at the other side of the river.
At that point I was practicing swimming, and I was fast, but he could probably outswim me. He hadn’t tried though. I think he was in a bit of a shock that I ran away so immediately, and he couldn’t see where I went because I kept underwater for as long as I could. When i was already halfway to the shore,my head visible, he yelled after me: “I WAS JUST TRYING TO ASK HOW THIS WATERFALL LOOKED BEFORE THE WAR!!!”
I was absolutely outraged he would, after sending me running with intense predatory behaviour, still try to play it off as ‘you’re rude for assuming, I was attempting to engage in polite conversation here’, so I screamed back: “I. WASN’T. ALIVE BACK THEN!”
That should make it clear I’m not falling for his blatant gaslighting and point out how insanely inappropriate he is, I thought. But the truth was, I was traumatized to the point where I didn’t feel safe ignoring someone yelling at me. I swam to my stuff, and at that point, he was still at the same place he attacked me, so I thought, okay, he knows now I don’t want him anywhere close and that he’s being inappropriate, he’s on the other side of the river, he can’t approach me fast, I should be safe. So I sat down. I was wrong. He saw me sit, and started swimming towards me.
I was, once again, appalled. But also scared. I grabbed my stuff and without pausing to dress, started running away. He again yelled after me in another attempt ‘MAYBE YOUR PARENTS KNOW’ and I shouted back running ‘THEN ASK THEM!!!’ as if it was not absolutely insane that I was being talked down to while running away from a predator.
 It was then I realized how unsafe it was to be 40 minutes away from civilization, while alone with a predator, next to a river. I needed to get back to the city fast, where this guy wouldn’t be able to openly chase me without anyone seeing it. I ran thru a grassy field, feeling uncomfortable, but sure that this would completely save me, because he was still swimming, and I was sure I could run very fast, and there’s no way he would still try to go after me after I escaped him twice.
Then, the unthinkable happened. He got into his car and chased me with a vehicle.
I didn’t even notice he had a car on his access point. I had only realized it when the car lights appeared on the trail behind me. It was twilight, and the night was falling fast. I was uncomfortably visible on the grass field, and I ran as fast as I could, because, I knew after this field, there was a turn, and I’d be invisible for a bit, and the turn led around a corn field, and corn field was a place I could hide in.
I ran into the corn field absolutely terrified, made sure I was out of sight and hidden, crouched down so I would be completely invisible, and then stayed still. Waiting. His car lit the road, and I could see him going, he passed me, and he reached the middle of the field, and then, he stopped. He must have realized that he should have already ran into me, and since he didn’t, he knew I was behind him. I didn’t see if he got out of the car. I didn’t move. I knew if I made a sound, if he saw some corn move, I’d be located instantly. I crouched and waited.
I couldn’t tell you for how long that car was standing there. Probably 5-10 minutes. You can imagine it felt longer to a woman hiding in a corn field. But, I wasn’t found. And eventually, the car started moving again. It went away. I didn’t move. I stayed where I was, for I don’t remember how long. I needed to be sure. Once I peeked out to the road, I looked for any sign of light. It wasn’t there. I tentatively walked to the edge of the field, where I could see more of the road. Nothing. It was all empty. There was nobody there anymore. I was safe.
You’d imagine I went home that night feeling shaken, scared, anxious and upset, but you’d be wrong. I was beside myself with joy. This was my first time, ever, that I was chased by a violent man attempting to harm me, and got away! I was at that point, victimized by 20+ years of violence behind closed doors, and I would never, never manage to get away from it, regardless of running, because the predator was a family member, and convinced me that he had a claim on abusing me, but this? It was a predator in nature, and the nature was my turf, I knew how to get around there, and my instincts had served me so well, and I listened to them properly, and just because I was so quick to get away, the predator was stumped enough to not be able to catch me! I was then, sure that alone in the wild, I was untouchable, invincible, safe from any harm. Ah, to be young and fearless.
In retrospect, I’m now getting cold chills realizing how close I was form being a corpse in the river. The corn field was the only thing that saved me. if it had been any other time of the year, and the corn wasn’t as tall and as perfect of a hiding place, I’d have been painfully visible on those fields. I would have had to attempt to hide in the grass.
Of course, 26yo me came back to the waterfalls a week later, convinced it was a ‘one-time-predator-thing’ and luckily I never again ran into that guy, I did have another close call with another dude, but it was less scary, with less running involved. I still do visit the waterfalls but less often, as I found swimming places that are closer by. This was, by far, my most dangerous encounter with a predator, tho I had about 5 more happen thru my life, and successfully got away from them all. The danger of violence towards women in public is generally much more rare because m*n usually go for women they feel they have the claim to, and who can’t get away, like daughters, wives, cousins, sisters, mothers. That kind of abuse is almost certain to get them no consequences. If they go after a woman they don’t know, it is possible a male family member would come after them, for attacking what they believe is theirs, so it’s a bit more of a risky bet. Except, of course, if you’re 40 minutes away from a living soul and next to a river, then the rules change a bit.
My perspective was that because this was a stranger, I was free to run, where as in my family, running was sure to be punished with worse violence, and I was conditioned not to even attempt it. So even just running away, scary as it was, felt freeing for me. I didn’t have any pride left so jumping into ‘prey animal’ mode to protect myself from abuse was just, a situation that would come up sometimes. I didn’t yet think of it as a proof that I’m not living in a humane society, and that obviously I wasn’t equal to half of it, for they would always be a predatory threat to me.
It strikes me still how much this predator aimed at my socialization to stop me from running, trying to talk me out of my instincts, implying I was rude for assuming anything, trying to shame me for running, while he also blatantly chased me with his car. I hope this can serve as a sign to never try to be polite or allow innocent assumptions for a male whose actions make you uncomfortable or threatened. I’d have been better not to reply, as it only gave him incentive to try to talk more, but alas, one cannot be perfect.
If you’re all worried about me, just remember I will be okay with my nature adventures and everything else risky I do, once I live in separatist space, away and protected, wielding the nature barriers between me and the males, safe from all predatory harm.
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fillinforlater · 3 months
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A Collection for a Special Date: Part V
Male Reader x Kim Minju (fluff)
Length: 1000 words
Tags: all the fluff, birthday date, really loving relationship, cutest ending ever
Inspiration: Minju mine tbh, also HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BEST GIRL
(A/N: this is the second Minju fic for today, the yearly fluff that hopefully makes you all feel warm. It's a bit short, but otherwise I would not have been able to finish it in time. Pleas enjoy regardless!)
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“What are we going to do for my birthday?”
A question that Minju always asks so playfully and carelessly, but for you, it’s a source of stress, year in and year out. It’s not necessarily because she has the highest of standards or would break up with you because of a bad surprise—no, it’s because you want to make it the best day imaginable for her. You want to see her smile and hear her laugh; in that sense it’s almost egocentric.
“It’s going to be a surprise~” You grin at Minju who looks up from her phone, a pout on her lips but excitement in her eyes.
“You always say that, every year! I just want to know what I should wear or prepare or—”
“Minmin.” You laugh and wrap your arms around your girlfriend's waist. She fits perfectly into your hug and when she reciprocates it, you feel like no heaven could come close to this. For now however, you put her on the kitchen counter and watch this small bean as you explain what you have explained a hundred times already. “You will look perfect in anything.”
“You always say that.”
“And you don’t have to worry about preparations.”
“You always say that too.”
“I just want you to relax and enjoy your special day, that’s all—”
“—I care about, yes, I know! Geez, babe, you sound like a broken record, year in, year out.”
You press a quick kiss on her lips to shut her up. Good thing that noone is watching; you two just engaged in the cringiest, cheesiest couple behavior. It’s so cringe, the two of you burst out in laughs and continue to share kisses and hugs that can remove all work and life stress. Even if every year or month or day repeats itself like a broken record, with Minju it will be—
“Okay, fine,” Minju sighs in defeat, hands on your nape as her eyes, soft like silk, go over your features. Oh no, she must have read your thoughts, at least some of them. “At least promise me one thing.
“Don’t worry too much and enjoy yourself too.”
“I promise.” Kiss her forehead. “I love you, Minmin.”
“I love you too.”
#
“This is the best birthday ever!” Minju exclaims in thrill when the waiter brings her a stack of beautifully crafted, maple-syrup covered, buttery pancakes. “Babe, you are the best.”
“Glad you like it, Minmin,” you say nervously, but you’re not sure your words reach the girl, as she digs into the treat. For the past eight hours, the two of you have walked through this city you’ve spent your entire lives in. 
Through meticulous planning, you’ve found spots that you believed to be completely unknown to Minju. These hidden gems were aligned for a perfect route; from a hotel where you can play and cuddle with dogs to a shop with cute but expensive jewelry to a small cinema where you can cook the food shown in the movie to a backyard park, perfect for winter strolls. 
Minju beamed with the brightest of smiles since the morning breakfast and gifts you gave her, and her squeals of joy at every new surprise spot is addictive. It’s so addictive, you are almost able to keep the promise you gave her: don’t worry too much and enjoy yourself.
“These pancakes taste so good!” Minju reaches over the table and pinches your cheek, still red from the cold outside and from your endless love for this wonderful girl. “How did you find all these places?”
“I had to travel the seven seas to find hidden treasure chests with maps inside them,” you joke and Minju falls back to pout sweetly.
“Babe, your sarcasm is showing again. Not cool.” Now it’s your turn to lean forward, but instead of pinching, you cup her face and taste some of that delicious maple syrup on her lips. A deep breath leaves her nose and finally, a bit of pressure and anxiety about today leaves your body; it leaves because Minju looks truly happy.
“Happy birthday, Minmin,” you whisper. “When you are done with those pancakes, I have a final spot we need to check out.”
“Baaaabe~” Minju’s voice melts like the butter on her favorite dessert. This saccharine tone that can warm you, even on the coldest February night.
#
Luckily, tonight it’s not too cold. It’s perfect winter jacket and wooly hat weather with not a cloud on the entire night sky. You and Minju finally reach the top of the pancake shop, a fairly tall building, surrounded by small houses and large skyscrapers everywhere you look. From this point, the city around you seems to never end, infinite concrete, lights and snow.
“This is a nice view,”Minju says in awe, her breath forming faint vapor in the air.
“Minju.” You point somewhere. “Look at the city, it’s lights first. Imagine all the people that live at these lights. They party, they work, they eat—
“—now look up. Do you see the moon, the stars?”
“Yes,” Minju sighs melancholically. “But I can barely see them. The light from the city is too strong and we can never see the life that might be up there.”
You faintly laugh, your nerves almost returning. You rub the sweaty palm of your hand on your thigh and look at Minju, who seems a bit dreamy, lost in the stars she tries so hard to see.
“Close your eyes. Imagine the city lights turned off. How bright are the stars now?”
Minju smiles, her nose directed at the infinite universe, eyes gently closed. Your breath halts. “They are beautiful, strong, and I don’t want to look at anything else anymore.”
“Kim Minju…”
She opens her eyes, you’re on one knee.
“...I love you.”
You pull out a silky blue jewel case and with a click, it opens.
“Will you marry me?”
The ring sparkles in Minju’s starlit orbs. Her answer, your unbelievable joy.
“Oh my God, babe—” 
“Yes!”
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geopsych · 2 months
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re: the tumblr ai stuff, please don’t wipe your blog!! your blog has been so important to me and many others as a place of authentic light and beauty and i would hate to lose it forever 💕
there is a way to download the contents of a tumblr blog (it’s in settings, i don’t remember rn, but i’ll find it if you need it) maybe you could upload to another site or a personal site?
i know this is very serious, and i hate how we are unwillingly contributing to synthetic art, but the world would be poorer for me without your pictures <3
Thank you. Your words mean a lot to me.
This is a dilemma for me. I have loved doing this blog and going out to look for pictures and interesting things to bring here has given me motivation and meaning through years of struggle with depression and several kinds of grief. Going out to look for pictures has put me in situations where I have seen incredible beauty, much of which I never really managed to capture. Also, the many warm and kind messages I've received from people all over the world have given me heart and made me feel less meaningless as a person and more connected. Sometimes I've been criticized for buying the checkmarks and giving money to Tumblr but I wanted to do what I could because Tumblr has been my one happy and safe place online. But now this. To me AI in relation to creativity is just a way for well-to-do but untalented people, the proverbial tech bros, to profit from other people's hard work and creativity. It has no redeeming value in relation to creativity and is actively harmful to artists of all kinds. <trying to figure out how to put a read more link here> I don't even count myself among the real creatives, artists and writers and others who have worked hard and put years into honing their crafts, into learning to translate their hearts and unique spirits into their creative expression. I just see beautiful things and take pictures of them. But it would still make me sick to see AI works based on my pictures, on these times and places that have meant so much to me. Recently I saw a set of cat 'photos' on here that everyone was reblogging and exclaiming over but that to me seemed to just be AI art that was more convincing than most. As time goes on more and more output of AI is going to be almost indistinguishable from real works and unscrupulous people will pass them off as real, getting credit for what was actually created by others. Whether they profit from them becomes almost irrelevant at that point because what's worse is that we will have less and less sense of what is real. And as some have pointed out AI will now also be scraping from AI, muddying the waters further from here on in. This is an apocalypse of sorts, an apocalypse of creativity, ultimately likely to kill the joy of artistic endeavor for many who would otherwise produced brilliant, beautiful, funny, and/or shockingly original things. I'm still parsing and dissecting my thoughts and feelings about what Tumblr has done and how to react. Staying and leaving my blog up feels like consent. I am not confident in the integrity of anyone connected with scraping sites for AI. I'm not convinced that a little toggle in settings is going to make much of a difference in the long run. On the other hand I like posting here and I have received enough messages over the years to know that my blog is a positive influence on some lives. I was looking forward to May and June and posting pictures of the incredible beauty of eastern Pennsylvania in those months. And I was planning on making a side blog for posting some poetry I've been working on. It will break my heart to leave.
I haven't decided yet. Believe it or not this whole thing has given me awful physical symptoms. I'll let you know when I decide. Thank you again for your kind and lovely note!
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welcometomyoasis · 7 months
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Seventeen's hip hop unit with a chubby s/o
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Requested by: @kim-hao-han Pairing: svt hip hop unit x gn! reader Genre: headcanon, fluff, hurt/ comfort Word count: approx. 1300 words Warnings: body image issues A/n: i’m sorry this took so long to come out. Ngl this was hard to write because the author’s brain is dead. I hope you like it though! Not proof read... Other units: vocal unit | performance unit
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🍒 Seungcheol
You’re his stress ball little squish!
This man is smitten with everything about you. He thinks you are beautiful and adorable, inside and out.
He absolutely loves to give you hugs and cuddles. He loves the way you look and feel in his arms. You’re so soft, and there’s something about enveloping you in his arms that just makes all the tension melt away. 
Might squeeze you a little too tightly but you’re just too adorable to let go. 
Adores how you let him cling onto you like a koala
On days when he has a bad day at work, you don’t even need to say anything because you provide all the comfort he needs. In other words, you’re like his comfort soft toy. 
In return, he’s your loud number 1 hype man. 
Seungcheol’s love languages are gift giving and words of affirmation. 
Specifically, he loves buying you presents like clothes. He knows all your sizes and will be on the constant look out for clothing he knows will look amazing on you. 
Will loudly shout about how good you look. “BABY? YOU LOOK AMAZING!”, “HOW? YOU’RE A GODDESS!”
On a more serious note, he does it because he understands that it can sometimes be overwhelming for you to buy clothes for yourself. The way that you sometimes feel self-conscious when shopping at the sections with larger sizes breaks his heart. He needs you to see how beautiful you are.
So, he’s definitely more direct with how he shows his love towards you. 100% unashamed of hyping you up. 
Why wouldn’t he be? You’re his partner. His love. 
You won’t ever need to think otherwise because Seungcheol’s actions and words will not give you a chance to. But in the 0.1% chance that you do, he will ramp it up and shower you with so much love that all doubts will be washed away. 
BONUS: his favourite body part of yours? Your cheeks! He just wants to smoosh them together all the time. Be careful, he sometimes bites…
🐈‍⬛ Wonwoo
You’re his ball of sunshine.
I’m a strong believer that Wonwoo falls hard for your appearance, but he falls harder for your personality.
Sleepy black cat and hyper sunshine combo
He adores how easily excitable you are, the way your eyes light up when you are doing something you enjoy/ when you see something you are fascinated with. 
He admires your perseverance. Everytime you face an obstacle, be it at work, or when it has to do with your appearance/ size, you always continue to smile and push on. He knows it hurts, but the way you never let it drag you down makes him think you’re the strongest person he knows. 
So, in return, he’s your confident.
Wonwoo will always let you talk to him whenever you face any difficulties. He will never invalidate you and your worries. Depending on what you want, he will either offer advice or simply just listen to you. 
Definitely gives you the best advice. Plus, Wonwoo’s love languages includes words of affirmation and physical touch.
Unlike Seungcheol, he’s more subtle with his compliments towards you. He’s so sincere as well. Will tell you things like “you look beautiful today”, or “your presence brings me so much joy”. It doesn’t all have to do about your appearance. The way he goes about it just makes you feel human? 
Also, I know Wonwoo doesn’t seem like the person who would enjoy physical touch, but I think he would really enjoying holding your hand. Caressing your hands as you talk about literally anything and everything. It reminds you of his presence. Plus, your hands are really soft so there is something calming about rhythmically stroking his thumbs over your hands. 
BONUS: his favourite body part of yours? Your hands! He loves kissing the back of your hands too, it makes him feel romantic. 
🐶 Mingyu
You’re his joy in life!
You give him so much happiness. He is thoroughly enamoured with you. 
You always give in to all his silly little ideas and antics. Plus you never scold him for being clumsy. You take things in your stride and just smile as you clean up his messes. Things happen right?
You also never tease him. He gets enough of that from his members. Instead, you shower him with so many compliments you want to make him curl up into himself. The way you always stare at him like he is superman makes him feel so happy and loved. 
Mingyu loves being wrapped in your arms as well. While he does enjoy being big spoon (and your personal weighted blanket because he literally will pounce on top of you), he thinks your arms are the safest place in the world. 
Something about your warm, soft arms wrapping around his broad shoulders or waist does something to make his insides turn into mush. 
In return, Mingyu is your number 1 supporter.
Mingyu will move mountains for you. You have him wrapped around your little finger. 
Mingyu’s love languages are acts of service and physical touch. 
Loves to indulge all your wants and needs. Will not let you lift a finger at all. Why should you? You have your big strong clumsy boyfriend! He will do everything for you. 
Especially when you want to eat something, he will cook it for you. Or, he will buy it for you. He finds you the most adorable when you eat. It makes your cheeks look like a chipmunk. Will coo at you and pinch your cheek. 
It also doesn’t matter what your size is since Mingyu is also a giant? You will always be a little dwarf to him. Loves to tease you about how small you are next to him. 
When you are feeling sad, the roles are reversed and he will cuddle you to death. You might suffocate from his arms and the strength that he is squeezing you with, but is that so bad? 
BONUS: his favourite body part of yours? Your arms! Like I said, he adores being wrapped in your embrace. 
🐻‍❄️ Vernon
You’re his pillar of strength.
Vernon is always in awe at the endless amount of support and unconditional love that you give him. 
He loves that he can talk to you about anything and everything. Especially when things get hard for him. Even if you can’t offer him any advice, the point is you’re there. 
He especially loves it when he lies on your plush thighs, with his arms looped around your soft waist and his head buried in your tummy. It’s so comforting. Plus he finds it so so endearing when you start to run your fingers through his hair. He often falls asleep like that because (1), you’re just so comfortable. (2), you’re presence calms him. 
In return, Vernon is your protector.
Acts of service is probably his main love language towards you. There are times when he is subtle, and there are times when he is more forceful.
He’s extremely observant and will notice when you have bad body image days/ when you start to feel more self-conscious. 
In times like that, he will leave his oversized hoodies around for you to wear because you tell him that it comforts you + makes you feel tiny.
If you are in public, he will pull you closer towards him and place kisses against your temple. 
Vernon would also be the one who would always put more food on your plate. He wants to ensure you are eating enough. It’s his way of saying, I care for your wellbeing, please don’t care about your size or what other people might think.
Of course, if there were others who were more vocal about your appearance/ amount of food you eat, Vernon would not hesitate to step in to tell them off. You can always count on him.
BONUS: his favourite body part of yours? Your soft waist and tummy. He loves to bury his head there for comfort.
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maximwtf · 2 months
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“Fret not, all will be well.”
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Xianyun x Reader
Words: 2k
Google Docs Pages: 3
Warnings: chronic (joint) pain but I guess the mentions are very brief, could just go as a sickfic, hurt/comfort angst you know the usual. Mother is mothering
Opening: Having been Xianyun’s disciple for years, you finally move to the harbour. Though, trips to Mt. Aocang to see your master started to feel like a chore after your body started to ache. Word of this pain spread to her unknownst to you. This making the adeptus seek you out. 
AN// Reader can be any gender! Oh no, is that another very self indulgent fanfic I see?! Yes. But these help with the bane of my existence so I might as well keep making them. This also gives me a chance to learn how to write for her, because I’m a firm believer that more content of her is needed :”D. I found her way of speaking hard to follow up on without hearing her talk constantly, so I apologise if any of her lines seem off. 
I proof read this fairly quickly, so any mistakes are on that.
“Fret not, all will be well.”
After years of studying the adeptus arts with Cloud Retainer, you moved back to Liyue Harbour. Got yourself a comfortable house to live in, and built your new life around there. From time to time you would still visit the all too familiar mountain that your master ruled. You’d sometimes bring in notes and greetings from Shenhe and Ganyu whenever they couldn’t find the time in their busy lives to visit the crane. An overall nice set up you’d gotten yourself into. 
You couldn’t deny that the scenery along the way to Mt. Aocang was also beautiful, bringing you joy as you made your way each time. As rough as the trip from time to time was, it was always worth it in the end. You could tell the visits delighted the adeptus living alone, bringing her peace of mind to hear that her disciples were doing alright. 
Though as of recent, you had found it hard to make it all the way to her. Body aching badly enough to not even make you dare to try. You began giving your regards to Cloud Retainer through Ganyu or Shenhe instead, staying home and working as you’d usually. Though, as much as you had hoped otherwise, the condition seemed to worsen over time. 
But even with life getting harder due to the aches, you couldn’t find it in you to complain. After all, you lived comfortably and didn’t feel the need to bother anyone with this. Maybe even still hoping that this would eventually pass. That having been one of the main reasons why you hadn’t told Cloud Retainer why you stopped visiting her like you’d done in the past. 
But even with the hopeful mindset, you had to admit to yourself that doing daily tasks had become more challenging. You'd already taken a few days off work to rest, but that hadn’t helped as much as you had hoped. Your form ached just as much each morning, having to find the extra courage to get up and prepare breakfast. 
So in hindsight, the fact that the news of your worsening condition had spread shouldn’t have been as much of a surprise as you’d taken it as. Especially with how close you were with the people around you. Them figuring out something was wrong was no surprise. 
Though, you didn’t notice any of that happening. Being busy enough with keeping your daily routines together. 
And that was exactly what you were doing this morning. Sitting up from your bed with muffled groans, eyes tired from the lack of sleep. With a yawn you attempted to gently stretch, wiping your eyes to maybe rub away the exhaustion behind them. You didn’t know if it ever actually went away at this point, but you stayed hopeful. 
As normal as this morning had been so far, it was going to turn upside down soon enough. And that happened as soon as a knock echoed from your front door. It alerted you, chasing away the last bits of sleep from your mind as you took a hold of your nightstand to stand up. 
You stumbled with the first few steps, cursing to yourself silently before shaking the nagging attitude off for whoever was at your door. With a deep breath you tried to pull something that resembled a smile on your face before opening the door to see who was on the other side. But that facade of a smile soon fell when you saw your master standing outside, patiently waiting for you. 
Your eyes widened for a brief moment, trying to quickly collect yourself as to not embarrass yourself in front of her. “Good morning, master.” You began, watching as her keen eyes looked around your house quickly before landing on you. “May one come in? Perhaps join you for breakfast?” She asked, a polite invitation with a clear hidden meaning. But who were you to decline her offer, after not being able to go and see her yourself for such a long time. “Ah, of course. Come in.” You mentally sighed, stepping out of her way as she walked through the threshold. 
Her feather-like clothing swayed smoothly as she made her way to your kitchen, seeing how messy it looked. You cringed at seeing the dishes you’d avoided cleaning, knowing it would put a strain on your body and even the thought of that felt unwelcoming. But it most certainly was not a good look for you in her eyes. But she was kind enough not to mention it, hiding the scowl mixed frown from her face before turning to you. 
“Word of you got to one, making one wish to come and see you.” Xianyun said, seating herself on one of the chairs gracefully. You didn't know what she was talking about. Not having any memory of talking to Ganyu or Shenhe about yourself, you weren’t so sure what she’d heard and from who. “I’m afraid I don’t understand what you mean, master,” you replied before turning your back to her in an attempt to prepare tea for the both of you. Still fully listening to what she had to say. “One heard you had fallen ill, thus making you unable to visit.” She said, voice observant as she watched you gently. You cringed at the explanation, assuming the people around you must have spread the word around. “Ah, I see. Well, worry not for I am perfectly fine.” You hummed, taking a hold of the cups with a low hiss. You hadn’t had the time in the morning to mend yourself into a better shape before making something to eat. So these tasks hurt to do, but there was no way to explain this to Cloud Retainer in simple means. 
But perhaps you didn’t have to explain. The hiss and careful movements must have been enough for her to form a deeper frown on her face once more. “One does not recall teaching one’s disciples to lie, hm.” She said with a huff, some offence in her tone but you knew it wasn’t serious. You were more worried when you heard her stand up. You swallowed hard, turning to see her after placing down the cups. “One may not know every mortal illness, but that does not mean one is blind.” She continued, placing her hands to her hips. You weren’t sure what she was looking to gain from this, drawing in a deep breath. There was no way out of this with her. You’d have to explain what had been going on. 
You leaned on the kitchen counter, looking away from her as you collected your thoughts. “Well, I wasn’t necessarily lying when I said I was fine. It’s merely some joint pain.” Cloud Retainer gave you a look, tilting her head a little as if to point to the mess in your kitchen. Not to even mention the rest of the house. “Well- It may or may not stop me from doing certain tasks sometimes, but it honestly is nothing to worry yourself over.” You sighed, not sure if you were trying to defend yourself or make her worry less. “One does not worry themselves, one merely came to see where you had been,” she huffed but after reading her expression it wasn’t hard to tell that she was only keeping up appearances with the comment. She had come here for exactly what you accused her of, worry. 
There was no getting through to her. You sighed, shaking your head gently before giving in. “Very well. It hurts enough to have stopped me from climbing the mountain to come and see you. And maybe it also affected the appearance of my living space.” You huffed, turning your eyes to her form, giving her a strong ‘you happy now?’ look. And in return she gave you a moment of deep silence before crossing her arms over her chest. “Words of comfort are not one’s strong suit, but allow one to prepare the tea for you. We shall sit and talk after.” She said, and without another word you understood the look she was giving you as ‘go sit down’. And that you did with no further complaints. 
You abandoned the kitchen, not wanting to sit in silence in the same space as her as the water slowly boiled. So you retreated to the nearest couch, huddling up on it to the best of your ability. You’d figured a while back that sitting with your legs criss crossed or straight were the only two pain free ways of sitting. So, choosing to cross your legs, you waited for your master to come back. And whatever entailed when she did.
In no time the sound of her heels alerted you, the sound getting closer and soon a warm mug was placed on the table in front of you. Xianyun herself sat on a stool you kept under the table, crossing her legs. 
Taking a hold of the mug, it warmed up your hands. Not even having noticed how cold your hands  had gotten, it felt nice. Bringing it up made the steam hit your face, but it wasn’t too hot, making you confirm that the tea probably wasn’t too hot not to drink. So you took a sip, holding back a wider smile at the taste. It reminded you of the tea you used to have with her back when you’d just started as her disciple. The teas she made had a specific taste that you couldn’t chase whenever you made it. At some point having started to believe that perhaps it was the effect that happened when you ate any food someone else had made. It just tasted better. And so did the tea she prepared, bringing back pleasant memories. 
But that train of thought was interrupted as she spoke up, placing her mug down gently. “One had time to ponder on your condition. One believes there may be a stronger medicine one could prepare for you in order to relieve the pain. One also feels the need to remind you, that one is always here for you. You need not but reach out.” She spoke, a sense of comfort in her words which somehow managed to embarrass you. 
You gulp down the rest of the tea, placing down the mug to reply to her properly. “You need not do that for me, if it’s any trouble-” You started, but she raised her hand slightly, shaking her head. “Nonsense. One wishes to help, it is no trouble. So fret not, all will be well.” And the way she managed to word everything out brought a sense of comfort that overpowered the embarrassment. Perhaps she was correct, all would be well if you had someone helping you. So you agreed with a nod. “Alright. Thank you, Cloud Retainer,” you added, a tired yet grateful expression on your face. 
A short, rather awkward silence fell upon the two of you. As if she wanted to say something but wasn’t so sure how. “Hm, as eloquent as one may be, there is not much more I can say. So allow one to tidy up here and you take a rest. One will wake you up in due time.” She requested but truly there was nothing you could say to protest against her. She was going to do it regardless. “You really do not have to,” you mumbled while laying down carefully, reaching down for a felt. You groaned lowly at the action, shoulder not giving out enough to unravel it. “One does not feel obligated to, fret not.” She replied, even as rhetorical as your silent comment had been. But almost as if automatically while speaking, she’d gotten up enough to unravel the felt for you before turning towards the kitchen. You blinked a couple of times at her action, not mentioning anything of it as you huddled to a more comfortable position. You’d thank her once you woke up again, was the last thought you had before the sleep you’d been losing recently caught up with you. 
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neerons · 6 days
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Some of Clavis Lelouch’s best quotes + Cyran's bonus quotes
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"Tell me, Emma, what do you think is the best way to wake someone who's really bad at waking up? (...) That's right, you stab them." (—Clavis talking about Chevalier to Emma)
"Finding such a handsome man in your room is enough to leave anyone breathless. Take your time. I know I'm easy on the eyes. (...) Oh, nice reaction! There's nothing like a good AHHHHH to get me in the mood."
“I didn’t do anything. But next time, don’t be intimidated by these status-crazed nobles. You don’t owe them anything—not even a smile. If someone looks down on you, look down on them in return. Otherwise, your self-worth will start to plummet. Never abandon your self-respect just to calm the situation. I know you’re a wonderful person—I wouldn’t have chosen you as my wife if not.”
"You succumbed to delusion."
"You weren't paying any attention to me at all. I got so lonely, I almost died!"
"...I want to make love to you."
"I'll tell you a secret about Chevalier. You want to know right? I bet you do. (...) He likes romance novels, but the reason for that is... Me. (...) One day, I secretly added to his pile of books... I put a book that boasted its dewy, spicy romance in the pile."
"Haha! When you're as handsome as I am, you look good no matter what state you're in. You just need better understanding of aesthetics." (—Clavis to the "Obsidianite soldier")
"Haha! You don't need to apologize. Who says only kids are allowed to be bouncy? What's wrong with adults being genuine about loving the things they love?"
"Oh, the things you say! Don't you realize you threaten to unleash the beast that hides behind this gentleman's visage?" (—Clavis' thoughts about Emma)
"What a fool I was to think I was done falling in love with you. The depths I could fall for you seem endless."
“We can do it on the table, or by the windowsill again, if you like. Ah, but I don’t recommend the floor—not unless you’re into that.”
"Wait, wait, wait! (...) Chevalier, you cannot possibly be trying to replace the words 'I love you' with that one kiss. (...) Why else would Emma have dressed up so beautifully? It's all so she can hear you say those three words! (...) Yes, not all things need to be said, but there is a purpose in giving words to feelings. That's how you can bring them into the real world. Chev, you can't let Emma guess how you truly feel forever. Just tell her. (...) The average person can't read minds like you do. Don't assume that Emma knows everything just because you do." (—Clavis to Chevalier, in Chevalier's route)
"I would never allow my lovely fiancee to live a life of fear. And so I must take it upon myself to indulge her in a life of joy." (—Clavis' thoughts about Emma)
"I'm charming, aren't I?"
"Here you are, alone in a secret room with a handsome prince. Why are you only interested in those lifeless husks? (...) That's a little offensive, you know."
"Haha! Go to hell." (—Clavis to Chevalier)
"Goodness, I've never visited that bookstore, and to think it was hiding a gem all this time..." (—Clavis' thoughts about Emma)
"Dear me, it looks like they started running the second they spotted me. Haha! That's optimistic of them. " (—Clavis talking about Yves and Licht to Emma)
"You could at least call it artistic. My handwriting conceals talent that would surpass that of a genius artist. (...) It's readable. So long as you take the time to decode it! Haha!" (—Clavis to Jin)
"Ah... Hahaha! I can't believe you headbutted me! You should've slapped me, at least."
"There's no rule that says you have to drink alcohol once you come of age. That said, it might be more romantic to let you get drunk and then take care of you until you sober up. Wait here, I'll just get some—"
"Of course, I'm not trying to criticize your own personal standards for good and evil. But throughout our lives, we're constantly being confronted by our perceptions of good and evil. And there are times when we might regret it later, if we decide to be critical of something simply because 'it's evil'. Our own individual standards for good and evil may not always be aligned with the kingdom's standards for good and evil. And if that happens, wouldn't you want to remain true to your own standards? To what you believe is good and right?"
"So you're comfortable drinking. I'll keep that in mind." (—Clavis' thoughts about Emma)
"(...) I'm well aware that of all the princes, I was the one most loved by his mother. Although I suppose it's not really a surprise, given how adorable and cute I was. (...) Haha! Why are you apologizing? There's no rule that says we can't talk about the deceased. And there's no need to feel guilty, either. I'm not some silly child who gets all worked up just from thinking about her." (—Clavis talking about his mother to Emma)
"I love drawing attention to myself, you know that. I wanted everyone in the palace talking about me, so I made it seem as if I'd gone missing." (—Clavis to Sariel)
"...You're surprisingly sweet on Emma, aren't you?" (—Clavis to Chevalier)
"Well obviously, because I like rabbits. And from what I know of rabbits... They may seem aloof, but they're actually very sweet and loving, and if you're lucky, they'll even let you see that side of them. I think they're adorable. And despite being delicate and easily frightened, they won't run from anything—they'll stand their ground and put on a brave face. I can't think of any other creature that instills in me such an urge to protect them. You see? Everything about them is lovable." (—Clavis talking about Emma secretly)
"But that's why Rhodolite is so well-balanced. If we all agreed with Leon, the kingdom would constantly be in danger from outside. If we all agreed with Chevalier, it would end up a dictatorship."
"You're about the only person who willingly visits the brutal beast's lair."
"Just so we're clear, this doesn't even count as a setback to me. I've tasted defeat countless times at the hands of a brother more beastly than anyone in Obsidian. I've never once made the right choice. I'm a loser, constantly making mistakes, and constantly being laughed at for them. (...) When you fail, it's easy to give up. It's easy to think your ideas are wrong, and yield to the right choice. But this is what I do. Every time I fail, I get up again, and I fight even harder, so that next time, maybe I won't fail. I don't care about what's right for the kingdom. I stay true to what's right for me, and that's the only way I've found any meaning in my life. Even if what I believe to be right and true is actually wrong, and even if I'm called evil and wicked for doing what I do... I'll fight against the brutal beast's methods with everything I have in me. And I'm not going to die until I've made him kneel before me, and accepted that my beliefs are just as righteous as his are. (...) And since I've spent my life tasting nothing but defeat, I think I can declare this with some certainty. So long as you go on living, you'll never really be a loser. Because there is no such thing. Even if you lost this time, you just have to win next time to be the winner. And if nothing else, you'd be able to die a prouder man than you will now. (...) Today's failures will lead you to tomorrow's hope. Always, as long as you don't give up. And that's why I'm going to get up and try again. What about you? Are you going to die a dog's death here?" (—Clavis to the "Obsidianite soldier")
"What a shame... Were my hands not bound right now... I'd already be making love to you."
"Haha! Not a chance. I adore her." (—Clavis denying disliking Emma to Gilbert)
Cyran's bonus quotes:
"(...) Prince Clavis lies incessantly, so feel free to ignore everything he says. (...) Everything. You've no need to be worried about his feelings, or even keep him company. And it might be in your best interests to refuse to eat any of this." (—Cyran talking about Clavis and his cooking to Emma, in front of Clavis)
"You're still half-asleep, aren't you? You're a disgrace." (—Cyran to Clavis)
"When we finally catch up to him, I think we should team up and give him a good scolding!" (—Cyran talking about Clavis to Emma)
"Since you left me behind like that, I've decided to hold a grudge against you forever. (...) Do it again and I'll throttle you, master or no. Just so you know." (—Cyran to Clavis)
"My Lady, I'm afraid that Prince Clavis's plan is truly stupid. A prince in his right mind would never even plan such a thing, and the average person would recoil in shock at the very idea of it."
"Prince Clavis, you can't just go casually tossing your head in her lap like that. My Lady, you're more than welcome to slap him awake at this point."
"(...) despite all that, there was one fool prince who stormed into the camp where the prisoners were being held. Yep, I'm talking about the idiot prince currently sleeping like a babe in your lap."
"From the way he acts, it's easy to mistake him for a fool and a scoundrel, but... at heart, he's the kindest, most compassionate man I've ever met." (—Cyran talking about Clavis to Emma)
"...So where is he, this handsome man? (...) ...You're a total mess right now, you realize. You look dreadful. Want me to get you a mirror?" (—Cyran to Clavis)
"My Lady, I truly am sorry, but... I've been ordered to inform you that, and I quote, 'your prince is in grave danger and needs you to rescue him! Ahaha'! (...) ...He insisted I include the 'ahaha' at the end." (—Cyran delivering a message from Clavis to Emma)
"Very well. I'll inform him that you said to die in pain and agony." (—Cyran talking about Clavis to Chevalier)
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sadisticsongbird · 24 days
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playing god's game ~ coriolanus snow
four
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warnings: little bit more tension, but not quite what chapter five and six will bring, nothing else
word count: 4.2k, i guess the length is going to become a pattern
a/n: FOUR! i can't believe i've made it this far honestly. i feel like everytime i write a series, i lose inspiration before i get far enough. anyways please please PLEASE fill out this form, which is my taglist. all of the information is anonymous if you are worried about that, but otherwise, HAPPY READING!
series masterlist
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You spent that evening at the Plinth house, joining Sejanus and his Ma, for dinner. Strabo was stuck in his office the whole night. You knew that it probably relieved Sejanus that his father wasn’t around him, especially after their fight this morning. Sejanus had found you shortly after your run-in with Coriolanus in the hall. You went running into his arms, practically jumping on top of him in joy. 
“I’m in!” you screamed. He lifted you up, twirling you around in his arms. His actions made you think that he was happy, but his face said otherwise. After putting you down, you saw his face, upset and clearly pissed. “What’s wrong?”
“My father bought him for me. Marcus.” He didn’t say much else after that, staying silent at the Academy the rest of the day, only saying hello or goodbye to you when meeting in between classes. 
“So, Y/N, congratulations! Strabo and I had no idea, I promise. Otherwise I would have said something.”
“No, Ma, it’s okay. Besides, I wouldn’t have wanted you to say anything anyways. It would have ruined the surprise,” you reassured her, placing your hand over top of hers. 
“Sejanus, what do you think about Y/N getting this opportunity?”
He stayed silent, picking at his greens with his fork. But he did roll his eyes and give a scoff. 
“Sejanus?” his mother asked again. 
He threw his fork down on his plate. “You wanna know what I think about it? I think that Y/N was better off not having to mentor someone on how not to be killed in order to live a happy life. I think that these games are ridiculous and that they needed to end before they even started. I think that if father wanted us to truly be happy, he would’ve kept us in the districts and left me to be reaped just like Marcus!” 
The boy pushed his chair back roughly, making it tip over as he stormed off out of the dining room and down the hall. Both you and Ma stayed silent watching the event. You knew he was angry, his parents knew that he was angry. But it didn’t stop you from wanting to raise your voice at him. He didn’t understand that you NEEDED this. He didn’t have to worry about maybe not getting food the next morning or think about waking up to a dead mother in the morning. While you weren’t grateful for the circumstances behind this prize, it was all you had. You cleared your throat, hoping that your voice wouldn’t come out wobbly. 
“I think I better head home.”
“Y/N, don’t go. He’s just upset. I’ll talk to him.”
“No,” you denied the invitation, leaving more than half of the food on your plate. “I should be getting home to my mother anyway. She can’t be alone for much longer.” You took your bag that was hanging off of the arm of the chair and slung it over your head. “Thank you, Ma.”
She stood up with you, moving to the kitchen, grabbing a small container before you could protest. Rushing back to the table, she placed as much food from her plate as she could inside the tub to hand to you. “At least take it home. Share with your mother.”
You gave her a faint smile, then walked to the door with her. She gave you a hug and kiss on the cheek as a farewell before letting you walk out of their apartment. Because there was no reason for Strabo to leave their apartment for the rest of the evening, their driver had gone home and you would walk the way home. Usually when this happened, Sejanus was there to walk home with you, but after the events of tonight, you didn’t even think about asking. Thankful that the school uniforms had a little bit of padding, you began the trek home. The sun hadn’t set completely, so it made you a little more comfortable to be walking the streets without Sejanus. The dark scared you, it always had. You made sure to leave lamps on or candles lit throughout your apartment in the night, so one, you could get to your mother easily if you needed to, and two, for your own comfort. Having the lights on made it so that you didn’t feel so alone, didn’t make you so afraid, made you feel less vulnerable. 
As soon as you made it home, it was no surprise that your mother was awake. Her face was wet with tears and she had been picking at the loose threads on her robe. 
“Y/N, where have you been!?!” she screamed, standing up from her space on the sofa. “They came and they told me?!? Why weren’t you here!?! I needed you! HE needed you!?!” She walked up to you, gripping your elbows hard as she shook your body. 
“Mama, what is going on? What happened?” You spoke to her in a calming tone, hoping that her sobbing would stop and she could tell you what was going on with a clear head. Well, as clear of a head as she had. 
You walked her back to the sofa, repeating the same words to you over and over again. Trying to sling your bag off of your shoulder, you sat with her on the couch, rubbing her back and letting her scream into your shoulder. You were thankful that the school gave you two uniforms because the state that your coat was probably going to be in wouldn’t be ideal to wear tomorrow. 
“He needed you. He needed US!” she screamed. “He’s dead, Y/N/N. He’s gone.”
“I know, Mama. I know,” you lulled, rocking her back and forth as she began to calm down. Her breathing started to slow and she was crying less, which you were happy about. While you hadn’t yet gotten complaints about it yet, you were always scared one of your neighbors was going to come and yell about the noise, especially when it happened in the middle of the night. It felt like hours had passed, sitting there with her. It was like a nightmare that never ended. If someone would have told you that you would be dealing with the aftermath of your father’s death almost thirteen years later, you would have laughed in their face. But alas, here you were, praying every night that you wouldn’t have to drag yourself out of bed in the middle of the night to comfort your mom like when you had first received the news. 
Moving your mother’s sleeping form from your shoulder to the pillow on the opposite side of the sofa, you arranged her for bed. It wasn’t unusual for her to sleep in the sitting room, but she usually found her bed more comfortable. You knew that you’d have to sleep out there with her just in case she’d want to move. So you gathered your things to go change in your room. To get out of the uniform felt good. While it wasn’t uncomfortable, by any means, it had felt tight around your neck all day, as if threatening to choke you. But now, as you slipped your comfortable undergarments and worn silk robe around your body, you felt ready to fall asleep at any moment. You gathered a book and the candle that normally sat next to your bed to bring with you, leaving the cold room. 
When you arrived back, your mother was still asleep. Her brow was crinkled and she let out a whimper every once and a while. It was in these moments that you truly felt bad for her, which was difficult to do when she had you pulling your hair out trying to quiet her down. You couldn’t imagine having to re-lose the one you love every waking minute of your life. It wasn’t like you didn’t miss your father, but you had come to terms with his death over ten years ago. You missed him, but you were finished mourning him. You tried to think of how you would feel if your mother died, but you didn’t think it was the same. Maybe Sejanus. He was your best friend and hearing the news of his death would probably break you, but you didn’t know if you could be in mourning forever. Ma would need someone to take care of her and you would need to be her support system. God knows Mr. Plinth wouldn’t be much help, always too invested in his own work these days. He loved his family, his son, but since their move to the Capitol, Sejanus has always expressed how political themes seemed to be of more importance. 
Lighting the candle after setting it down on the small table next to a chair, you sat down in the dull light of the room, curled up in a blanket. Perhaps having to relive your loved ones death was more of a common occurrence than you thought. You thought back to what Sejanus had said at dinner about the games. How many parents have to relive their child’s death when the games are an annual event, playing reruns of previous years, interviewing past victors, reminding these parents and families of why their child is no longer with them. The kids coming on the train tomorrow have probably said their final goodbyes to their families, preparing themselves to never come home again. Your tribute, Mizzen, would need more than the ‘warm’ welcome he would get from the Capitol in the morning. Thinking about something you could do for your tribute, you debate skipping out on class to go to the zoo in the morning, where they would be kept. You could take some food to him, maybe some of Ma’s leftovers. God knows, you mom wasn’t going to eat them. Although you knew they’d need a lot more than food to trust you, you figured it would be a good start. You could get close to your tribute and maybe Festus’s too, get under her skin about the boy before he could do anything. It would give you a one up on all of the other mentor’s too. 
You hadn’t touched your book, still curled up into your chest. Taking one more glance at your mother, you situated yourself into a cuddled position, facing the candle. The flickering light was the last thing you saw before the darkness of sleep encapsulated you. 
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Arising bright and early, according to your plan, you made sure to bring your mother to her room before leaving. You also left her a roll from your dinner last night with marmalade glazed across it next to her bed if she should awake hungry, as unlikely as it was. Slipping the rest of the food in Ma’s container into your school bag, you made your way out of the apartment and towards the zoo. You weren’t sure how early the tributes would be arriving or how much of class you would miss trying to talk to them, but you knew you had to try. 
When you arrived, there was already a crowd of people beginning to gather. Lucy Flickerman and his crew were already getting set up for their arrival. Flickerman was the Capitol’s local weatherman for all of Panem. You enjoyed watching his morning news segments when you still had a working television. It was one of your fondest memories, laughing about his magic tricks in the morning with your mother before she fell ill to her nightmares. When you found out he would be doing the broadcast for the Hunger Games this year to promote them, you were honestly excited. Maybe he could bring a little light to the otherwise dark situation. 
People, young and old, began to trickle in towards the cage. This was a spectacle for the citizens of the Capitol this year. In previous years, the tributes were kept in trucks or thrown straight into the arena. But this year, they were being brought out for the public to see and interact with. You figured this was another one of Dr. Gaul’s genius incentives to get people to watch the games more. Tucking yourself into the crowd, hoping not to draw more than a few stares regarding your uniform, it didn’t take long after that for murmurs to travel through the crowd and the sounds of a truck pulling up to the opposite side of the cage. 
You watched as the truck dumped out its contents, that being the tributes. Your gaze was directed over to the cameras that were now whirring over to Lucky. “Ouch,” the weatherman says, hissing in sympathy at the fall. The door they were dumped from was placed at least six feet from the bottom of the cage, leaving them to tumble quite a ways. “Well, we'll give them a chance to stand up and catch their breath. I'm jealous of that entrance,” he laughs, trying to soften the abrupt entrance of the tributes. “I'm Lucretius ‘Lucky’ Flickerman, a man who needs no introduction. You all know me as your favorite weatherman and amateur magician.” 
You snicker to yourself as the man tosses a coin into the air, leaving his audience to await its fall. But as you well know, it never comes. He’d performed many of his gauche tricks in his reports before. Albeit, some of them were impressive, however, overused. 
Watching as the tributes stand up one by one, you try to find Mizzen in the group, hoping to speak to him as per your plan from last night. A few things caught your eye as you searched through the crowd of people. A boy with only his left arm, who you recognized to be from District 8. The heavy coughing coming from Felix’s tribute from 11 with her male tribute helping her up. The colorful dress of Lucy Gray Baird, filled with the purples, oranges, and yellows. But none of the bright colors from her gown were the red that made your heart pulse in anger. 
Coriolanus Snow. 
Of course, he would manage to find a way to out-do you. 
“But guess where I am today. Here's a hint. That's right. The Capitol Zoo, where this year's tributes will be held here on display behind these bars for your viewing pleasure. That's right. All 24 of them 'cause… What in the gem of Panem?” Lucky’s outburst led you to direct your attention back over to the cameras and crowd you were in, making you realize that everybody was now observing what you were. Everyone was staring as Coriolanus got up from his spot in the cage, grasping his bag so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. Behind the normal, confident façade that the boy tried to put on was a nervous child, scared for the Capitol to see him as any less than he wanted to be perceived. It made you want to laugh. You raced apart from the crowd, trying to get a better grasp on the scene happening in front of you. Maybe it would have been better to blend in, considering that you were wearing a matching red uniform. Regardless, you kept to the right of the crowd, hopefully outside of the view of the cameras.  
“You see, that's the Academy rouge, no?” the weatherman asked, turning back to the cameras. “Excuse me. Hello, sir. Yes, you. In the red. Who are you and why are you in there with them? We're live.” The man directs the microphone he is holding in Coriolanus’s direction, as if he could simply lean over and speak to Lucky. 
The weatherman continued to call out to Coriolanus, but all he could do was stay still. How could he face the cameras and pretend not to be scared out of his mind? He could barely keep up his lies at school in front of all of his peers. If this was nerve wracking enough, how was he supposed to continue this for the Games? Maybe it was better to bail. Running his fingers through his hair, he prepared himself to turn around when his arm was caught by Lucy Gray Baird. 
You watched the tribute pulled Coriolanus to her to whisper something in his ear. You wished you could be closer, hear their interaction. Watching as he said something back to her, he grabbed the rose that was in her hand. You recognized the rose, pure white, a rose that only one family you knew in the entire Capitol would prune. For a long time, Coriolanus’s grandmother had a trove of them on top of the Snow’s roof. You hadn’t seen them in a while, but seeing one now, you assumed his grandmother continued to grow them in a more secluded place. 
He broke the stem off, brushing Lucy Gray’s hair away and tucking the rose there behind her ear. You were taken aback as he held his hand out for her to grab and even more shocked when she willingly put her hand in his. 
“Can they not hear me in there? Well, that's something you don't see every day. They're holding hands,” Lucky said. As the two of them made their way closer to the cameras, Flickerman pulled the cameraman forward towards the bars to get a closer look at the odd couple. “Yes, yes, yes. Who are you, sir? What are you doing in the cage here?”
Your hands clung to the cage off to the side, hoping to catch Coriolanus’s attention if you hadn’t already. You were counting on him being completely focused on his tribute, however. “Hi. How do you do? My name is Coriolanus Snow. And this is my tribute. Lucy Gray Baird from District 12.” He introduced himself and his tribute, his voice seemingly coming out confident, but you didn’t know how true that assertion was. 
“Coriolanus,” you hissed, from your spot, out of sight from the cameras, separated from the audience Lucy Gray had gathered. He didn’t move the first time, ignoring you or simply not hearing you, so you attempted again. “Coriolanus,” you said, a little louder. 
This time, his head whipped around to see you. Something in his eyes changed. Disbelief, maybe, at the sight of you. Letting go of his tribute’s hand, he let Lucy Gray talk to the camera’s when he moved off to the side towards you. “Y/N? What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same thing? Why are you in there?”
“Why? Jealous you didn’t think of it?” he smirked, rounding the bars of the cage with his hands like you were. 
You scoffed at his comment. “No, thank you,” you said, pushing his hands back inside the cage. “I just wanted to come give my tribute some food. How did you even get in there?”
“I met the tributes at the train this morning and hitched a ride with them here. I wanted to get a head start on the rest of the mentors. I see you had the same idea,” he mocked. “Shame that it will all be for nothing. That prize is mine, Stillwater. You shouldn’t even be here in the first place.”
You folded your arms around your body, self conscious about your choice to be here. Maybe it would have been best to go to class this morning. 
No!
You couldn’t let him get in your head. You deserved to be here, no matter how late compared to the others. It would be a spectacle to outperform the rest of the mentors and win, and that’s what you intended to do. “I deserve to be here just as much as you,” you tried to muster out, but you yourself could barely understand what you said. Curse your shyness. 
He laughed a little at your attempt to appear non-feeble. “What? Did you have something you wanted to say, Stillwater?”
“Forget it, Coriolanus.”
His attention was directed away from you, however, when Lucy Gray made her way over to him, allowing the cameras to follow her path. “Do you know my mentor? Says his name is Coriolanus Snow and clearly, I got the cake with the cream 'cause nobody else has even bothered to show up.” 
Although, she corrected her words when her eyes met you. 
It was like she had seen a ghost when she saw you, her face going nearly pale. Pushing Coriolanus out of the way, she crossed in front of him over to you. Unfortunately, the cameras followed her, allowing yourself to make your debut in the morning Captiol news. “But who might you be?” the girl asked, seemingly curious, although her shaking hand said otherwise. She put her arm through the cage, to grab your hand. Everyone else stepped back, other than you. You met her grasp in the middle. “I’m Y/N Stillwater. I’m also a mentor in the games.”
Coriolanus was upset that Lucy Gray’s focus was on you. His job was to make this about her and here she was, throwing that curiosity onto you. You were making his task awfully difficult, and the worst part is, you weren’t even trying. He had sacrificed his morning, his self-image, his cleanliness to make an impression for himself and for his tribute and here you were, taking that moment away from him. 
Lucy Gray pulled her hand from yours. “And what did you think of my performance at the reaping, Y/N/N,” she asked, giving you her own nickname. You wondered why she was so interested in you or why she looked like you were something haunting to her only moments ago. 
“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you questions?” you joked. Despite having questions for her yourself, you found a sudden ease in conversing with her, unlike your conversation with the blonde boy seconds ago. She smiled, still awaiting the answer to her question. “But I loved the song,” you said, unsure of what else to say. “I think that your voice is unlike anything I’ve heard here in the Capitol. Refreshing from the general opera or anthem playing over our radios.” You weren’t sure if you would get in trouble for insulting the Capitol’s anthem, but you knew that it was the truth. 
“Well, thank you. Maybe I’ll get the chance to play you another tune.” You hoped so. There was something about her music, her voice, that was captivating, leaving you wanting to hear more. 
“And who might you be the mentor for, Miss Stillwater?” Lucky Flickerman asked you, thrusting the microphone into your face. 
You tried to avoid making eye contact with the camera thus far, so you opted to look at the man holding the microphone out to you. “I am the mentor to the boy from District 4. Mizzen is his name, I was told.”
The crowd looked around the cage to see if anyone would look up at the mention of their name, but they all kept their head low, disappointing you. All hope of meeting your tribute this morning suddenly dwindled out. 
“Looks like most of these tributes are too shy to make an appearance, unlike you three,” the man said. Yet, he directed his next question mainly at Coriolanus. “Mr. Snow, the Gamemakers did tell you to jump in the cage with them?”
He gave a shy smile. “They didn't tell me not to. They just said that it was a mentor's job to introduce our tributes to the citizens of Panem. And I thought, well, if Lucy Gray is brave enough to be here, then why shouldn't I be, too?”
The weatherman hummed at his answer, but Lucy Gray spoke up. “For the record, I didn't have a choice,” she joked, looking at you once more. 
“For the record, I think you two are about to be whisked away.”
Turning around, you and Coriolanus were each faced with two peacekeepers, grasping your arms. You were being pulled away from the cage when Lucy Gray caught your hand again. 
“Hey...Get us some food, please. Jessup and I haven't eaten since the Reaping. I’m sure the others haven’t either,” she asked. 
You shook your head at her as the pull of the peacekeepers made you slip from her grasp. You turned around, compliant to the soldier escort and not wanting to put up a fight about it. From your guess, the dean probably had been watching the news and had seen Coriolanus’s scene, sending someone to gather the two of you and return you to class, where you were both supposed to be right now. As you looked back, you watched Coriolanus be practically dragged out of the cage. They were being a lot more rough with him than they were with you and you supposed it was because of the fact that he was inside the cage instead of out. 
Flickerman began to close the morning news, probably not expecting to get much more from the tributes this morning. “The 10th annual Hunger Games are soon approaching. So come down to the zoo, and see these tributes before it's too late. And I mean, too late. For Capitol News, I'm Lucretius…” He paused, holding his hand out in the air just in time for the coin to fly back down into his hand. “...’Lucky’ Flickerman.”
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taglist: @gracieroxzy @poppyflower-22 @hungergamesfantatic
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genshin-impacted · 10 months
Text
Exchange of Rings
(Alhaitham x Reader - 7/?) 
The feelings you and Alhaitham hold for each other run deeper than either of you think. Many things are left unsaid. OR affection + artistry + comfort
Word Count: ~4.2k
Notes: afab!reader, second person pov “you”, gn!reader, switches pov with Alhaitham, modern au, arranged marriage, fall first/fall harder, slow burn, ft. Sumeru crew
[Previous - Next]
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More than half a year into the arranged marriage, Alhaitham finally decides to provide an update to his family. Being overjoyed would not be an exaggeration, though Alhaitham can tell even through the phone that they are trying to tamper their elation as though he were a skittish animal prone to running away at any sudden movements. Halfway through the conversation his mother gives up and starts to gush about how happy she is for him, among other things. The other things include wondering about the wedding, how you would want to celebrate, when should the wedding be, and oh gosh, what type of theme would the two of you want to have?
His father is better at feigning nonchalance, but then he begins to reminisce about how Alhaitham used to turn his nose up at romantic dramas when he was younger, a tone of warmth seeping into his words. (Alhaitham thinks of telling his father that his relationship with you is nothing like a drama where misunderstandings and tragedies blight the couple like a plague. His union with you is peaceful, though not without its own hiccups, but otherwise... lovely. Serendipitous.
Alhaitham finds that to be the best-suited word.)
Alhaitham updates his grandmother in person. He expected her to be happy for him, smug even, so he is surprised– mildly alarmed– when her eyes grow misty as he describes how his life has been with you. She bats his concern away, a gesture to continue his stories, but her hand holds onto his with a loving tightness that speaks to her joy more than anything. 
You had planned to come with him but then your workplace calls you in for an emergency. You are more disappointed than he anticipates that you cannot go, so he simply reassures you that there is always a next time for his grandmother to meet you. Only, this seems to upset you more: something about how this meeting is important to you because you want to make a good impression.
Alhaitham is unsure how this meeting is any different from a meeting, say, two weeks from now. But you worry—unnecessarily, in his opinion, though the last time he said that to you directly was the first time he has gotten a cold look from you, so he tries to keep it to himself if only to not earn your ire too often. 
(Alhaitham doesn’t recall what the topic was about– unimportant in the scheme of things– but you were worried about something, bringing it up various times during the day, and he had told you that your concern was extraneous– inefficient. Which is true, he thinks. If there was something to be fixed, then it would be done already; if there is nothing to be done, then why worry about it?
You had stared at him, face blank, before you looked away quietly. He could see the hurt flicker in your expression before you quickly made an excuse to be alone.
Alhaitham had believed the first real fight the two of you had was a difference in philosophy. Later, when the two of you had taken some time alone, you reported back to him that it was not the case.
“I know some things I can’t fix,” you had told him, “but I still worry about them anyways. You might call it ‘inefficient-” it only dawns on Alhaitham then that the wording may have been abrasive if you can still quote him, “but I talk to you because I process things better that way.” 
He remembers that you had fidgeted with your hand in your lap, your words evidently hard to come by during conflict but you still worked through them until you could convey what you felt. “I just like being able to talk to you about it,” you say, “I want to be able to tell you about things that worry me, even if there’s no solution.”
Alhaitham is a problem-solver. It is his default for everything. He is used to being abrasive and hard-to-swallow, and he had believed that someone who could marry him would be someone tolerant of those traits. 
But something has to give. If he is truly to live a life of peace that he desires with you as a part of it, then he must compromise so that you can fit in with it. It is easy for him to make that decision. He does not want to imagine a life where you do not wake up next to him. 
“I’m sorry,” he had said, watching as your lips wobble with emotion in just two words. “I’ll learn for next time.”)
You had professed that he often keeps you grounded when your thoughts tend to go awry, so Alhaitham keeps this in mind and strategically anchors you down whenever he deems necessary. It seems to work so far; he just has to hone in on what words can help soothe rather than aggravate. Holding your hands is step one to calming you down. You squeeze his hand when he does, this gesture so familiar that he no longer bats an eye. (Not that he does not enjoy it still; your hand in his is a comfortable feeling that he will never tire of.) 
“You don’t have to worry about making a first good impression,” Alhaitham tells you. “But if you’re really worried about it, we can meet up all together during her birthday in a few months.”
Your shoulders lose tension slightly at the prospect of a future meeting. You still look skeptical at his first statement, but you are reasonable even at the worst of times, so you allow him to elaborate. “Okay, the birthday sounds good. We definitely should get a present,” you say. “But what do you mean ‘don’t worry?’ Why not?” 
“‘Treat my other grandchild well,’ she told me.” Alhaitham feels your hands squeeze his again, more tightly this time, and he looks up in time to see your smile wobble precariously. “So you’re fine,” he says, letting you laugh off the tender emotions to save face.
The year is in the throes of summer now, so it does not take long for things to grow hot and uncomfortable. But still, Alhaitham does not let go of your hands as you swing them back and forth happily– not as long as you won’t. 
(What kind of things has Alhaitham been telling his grandmother? ‘Must be only the good things,’ you try to convince yourself, tempering the bubbly feeling of pleasure from bursting. But Alhaitham is nothing if not honest– so what does that mean for what he thinks of you that his grandmother is able to welcome you with open-arms into the family?)
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The two of you hold hands very often now. Alhaitham thinks it's convenient to not be separated and to keep you from wandering off: two similar but distinct situations that occur every time the two of you walk anywhere. If it's not to lose you in a crowd during a popular bakery's rush hour, then it is to keep you at his side before you run off to buy yet another houseplant. It's easy to guide you away from the busy streets when you are close to him. Knowing your inability to walk in a straight line (you always lean into him), he feels more at ease if he were the one having to dodge bikers or errant puddles. 
You notice this eventually, and you are enamored by this action of his. Alhaitham can understand where you’re coming from, though he can’t say he truly ‘gets it.’ It is only natural that he keeps his mind from being preoccupied by extraneous thoughts such as whether or not you are safe. If he can keep you near the sidewalk walls, hand in hand, then he can save space to think about the prose of the latest literature he has read or focus on answering random philosophical questions that you happen to blurt out that day. Your questions are borne of boredom and a dash of 'silliness' as you say.
You make the excuse often, despite being very intelligent and serious whenever it is necessary. You are good in a crisis, he has noticed, though you tend to downplay your abilities during these times. ‘Modest,’ he thinks, though he has always found that concept quite pointless. Alhaitham, on the other hand, has never found the need to showcase less than what he is. (Then again, that may be why you are more likable than he is.)
For one, you possess a creative soul that Kaveh bemoans is absent in Alhaitham. You try to deny it, but then he reminds you that you have dabbled in far more artistic pursuits than he has with great fervor. You point out that he has a degree in the humanities and a greater grasp on semiotics and linguistics than anyone you know, but knowing is not the same as doing. ‘Art is beauty with human emotion– something you would never understand in a million years!’ or so Kaveh keeps on telling him when he has to carry the architect back to his apartment drunk. Despite it all, you seem to believe that he is capable of it, so Alhaitham obliges. 
During break, he writes a poem for you on the notepad that you bought him for his office. Alhaitham thinks you must like it because he has seen you keep it on your night stand since, rereading it at least once before you go to sleep.
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Alhaitham believes that he does not have an eye for beauty or an artistic soul, but you think otherwise. Perhaps it is not the same sense of aesthetics as most people, but you know at least that Alhaitham recognizes beauty and acknowledges it. You think it is the same with creating art. 
If art is made of emotion, you know Alhaitham has what it takes to make something beautiful. You are rewarded for this belief when, a week after you try to talk him into writing something, he gives you a small slip of paper of less than five lines in Arabic and its translation in English. You never gave Alhaitham any prompt to write, but he writes you a love poem anyways.
If eyes are the windows to your soul, then what do these few words of raw emotion and tender allegories tell of the artist’s heart?
Alhaitham would ever call himself an artist, but you at least think he’s a poet if the words he writes about beauty, longing, and love etched into your heart is of any indication. 
You aren’t sure if it is a direct result, but you get back into photography– and consequently, scrapbooking soon after Alhaitham writes you his poem. You print out pictures you’ve taken over the years, chronologizing the memories you’ve made in the past few years. With only about half a year with Alhaitham, you don’t have as many photos together with him, but you scrounge enough to make at least a page or two. Most of them are candid ones, selfies, and maybe it is because your fiancé is a handsome man, but you think they turned out pretty good anyways.
Though you jump between hobbies often, you are nothing if not dedicated to these whims of yours, buying pages for photos and printing several dozen of them to find a proper place for them in your album. You are delighted when Alhaitham offers you some picture frames to place photos in and decorate the house, so you corral him to look at the photos you printed to pick a few. 
One of your favorites you intend to put into a frame is a photo of you and Alhaitham with his friends at work. You slide it into view and hold it out for Alhaitham, and though he lets out a small huff at your suggestion to put it at his desk, he still takes the picture frame from your hand. "You can take a few more," you tell him, beaming. You watch as he sifts through the photos, and you can't help the way you flit to and fro, excited to share a hobby with your fiancé– a little bit of you.
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Alhaitham sees the way you attempt to give him privacy to choose the photos he prefers in his periphery. You are too eager for your own good though, your enthusiasm winning out your desire for discretion. You hover at an arm's length, watching him intently ever so often before forcing your eyes elsewhere. 
You're… incredibly endearing. He has to turn his head away to hide his amusement. 
Alhaitham puts more effort into scanning the table instead of watching you then. The array of photos that scatter the table summarizes his time with you well. Though he is not one for sentimental displays, Alhaitham appreciates it now when he can pinpoint the very moment captured in the pictures like it was only yesterday. The first hike on a sunny day– you had drunk two bottles of water in the first hour. What seems to be one of the many trips to the supermarket– Alhaitham cannot quite tell which trip it is, but his eyes catch your phone's camera not a moment before you stick out your tongue and snap a photo. 
You're surprisingly good at taking photos when he least expects it. Alhaitham recalls how you've complained at how he looks good in every photo you take. 'Photogenic,' you had sighed at him, not that he would know; you're the first one to take as many photos of him. 
And the first he does not mind taking a photo of. You seemed as equally awed as you were envious the first time you asked him to take a photo of you at a scenic destination, and it turned out, in your own words, stunning. "I never look good like this," you had argued, though you were pleased enough to like it immediately.
If you had asked him, he would have said that you looked charming in every photo you're in. If Kaveh had been there, he would have said something along the lines of beauty in the eye of the beholder. Loath to admit it, Alhaitham thinks he may have to concede to this point.
"I'll keep this one."
"Which one?" You ask, sidling close to him almost immediately. His heart stutters for a moment in surprise before it settles again, hyper aware of your arm pressing against his. "Oh, this one…"
Alhaitham looks at you when you go quiet. You have a complicated look on your face that he has yet to decipher; it is there and gone the next moment.
Alhaitham doesn't think it's an unflattering photo of either of you, and you must agree having printed it out in the first place. In the selfie, you look up into the phone with your eyes gently closing, a smile stretching wide– the perfect embodiment of the type of person you are to him. He hears you mumble that he isn't looking at the camera in this one. He doesn't mind it; whether he's facing the camera or not is irrelevant in his selection.
(His gaze is softened in the photo, his lips upturned just the slightest bit to showcase his contentment in the moment. You don't think anyone has looked at you as gently as Alhaitham does in this picture.
You remember looking at the photo for the longest time with a sense of yearning, imagining that Alhaitham looked a little bit like he was irrevocably in love with you.)
“The angle for my face isn’t that flattering,” you say instead, smiling, but you don’t do a thing to try and take it away from him. “But you look good for someone not looking at the camera, Mr. Candid. Are you going to put it in the office?” 
Alhaitham takes the photo and slides it into a coffee-colored frame. “Yes,” he says, and if he was any other person, he would have jumped at your sudden shout. Instead, he turns to you with a brow raised in question. 
You scramble through the photos before tapping on one of them– a photo the two of you took at a candlelit dinner that you had a gift card for– with much vigor. “Why don’t you choose this one then? I look so much better in this one!” You bemoan, looking up at him. 
Alhaitham can’t help the huff of laughter that escapes him. “No,” he says.
“Then this one?”
“No.”
“How ‘bout this one?”
“No.” 
You huff this time, though a smile tries to peek from underneath your banter. “Why not?” 
The picture soothes him, Alhaitham thinks suddenly, but he hesitates on admitting this to you. It is very funny to him to see you whine and gripe, and you know just as much. Saying something as sentimental as this would undoubtedly change the mood.
Alhaitham prides himself on knowing what others may think, predicting their next move and countering it with great ease. With you, he is not too sure. Partly because he has yet to know everything that makes you the person you are, but mostly because he knows he’s been compromised. He wants to make you laugh. He wants to be the one to put you at ease, reading books until you fall asleep at his side. Though Alhaitham suspects that you would be happy hearing that the image of you has the same effect on him as he does to you, he can never be sure when it’s with you.
(How can he accurately deduce the heart of someone he is fond of?) 
“It’s the easiest way to introduce you to everyone who hasn’t seen you at work,” he says. “So they can finally stop asking me what you look like.”
“You really don’t have any photos on your phone?” You gape. “Maybe we should start using your phone. It probably has the better camera anyways…” You trail off, looking less despondent than your words would convey. The smile on your face says everything as you turn away to fondly look at the other photos. Alhaitham looks down at the one you’re looking at, and he is surprised to find that it’s a rare photo that he does not remember when it was taken. 
For one, Alhaitham is asleep. Based on the light coming from outside and the angle, he can probably guess that the photo was taken mid to late afternoon on a weekend that you were home with him. He must have fallen asleep while reading on the couch because his book is on his chest, one hand still holding onto it. 
It is a strangely vulnerable picture. It is a culmination of the time he has lived with you: the ease in which he finds himself in your company, and the trust he has to not stir even as you, he assumes, quietly laugh to yourself while taking the photo. It is a photo taken with a little bit of whimsy and lots of affection. Alhaitham finds himself oddly embarrassed. His face, luckily, remains impassive, though he can feel his ears getting hot. 
You look back at him, as if only realizing he was still there, and put the photo to your chest protectively. "I'm keeping this one," you say teasingly.
Warmth settles in Alhaitham's chest. "Aren't you embarrassed, taking a peeping photo of your own fiancé?" He asks, his lips twitching into his own small smile when he hears you sputter. 
Sleeping photos aside, Alhaitham is pleased with the photo he has chosen for the frame on his work desk. He was telling you the truth when he said that having the picture would save time for him when people want to see what you look like. His picture frame is turned outward for ease of visitors, but considering how little he encourages visitors, it is hardly ever used for that purpose.
The times that it has been used for that reason are more than likely for the people who have already met you. Dehya comes in his office to hand in a report and always turns the frame toward her, staring at the image for a moment before leaving– though not without throwing Alhaitham a knowing look that he ignores. The first time Nilou sees the photo sitting on his desk, she asks after your well-being and, good-natured as her questions are, Alhaitham can only answer honestly.
But otherwise, Alhaitham likes the convenience of having your smiling face at his desk. That should be reason enough to keep that photo there, isn’t it? (And if he looks at it periodically during work, and more so when work begins to unnecessarily pile up on his desk, then who is there to tell him not to?)
“Working hard as usual, Alhaitham?” 
Alhaitham looks up from clearing his desk of paperwork to see Cyno walking toward him. The clock on the wall reads 4:55 PM. “Only as much as I need to,” he replies back, snapping his briefcase closed. “I have never worked overtime and I don’t plan to start. Besides,” Alhaitham continues dryly, “detective work is more in your wheelhouse than mine.”
At this, Cyno scoffs, his gaze landing on the briefcase with what the both of them know to be papers more important than anyone could ever know. “I’ll have it settled as soon as we get additional evidence on Azar,” Cyno says. “Candace is working on writing the investigation report. Dehya should be able to go through the past transactions the company has made in the past financial year by next week. I’m assuming you’re keeping the other paperwork safe?” 
“There’s always a papertrail in one way or another with embezzlement,” Alhaitham states. “I’d rather not have the company go bankrupt from the recklessness of one man. That sounds rather troublesome, and I’d rather not have to find another place to work.”
“So you don’t have to work overtime?” Cyno smirks at him despite the rather somber topic. “Or because you have someone you want to provide for at home?” 
You have been saving up money to buy a better coffee machine at home, he thinks. “I’m quite comfortable with the salary they offer for my position,” he says instead. Alhaitham adjusts the frame at his desk and checks the clock again– 5:00 PM. “I’m off,” he tells Cyno, standing up. “Don’t call me unless something is urgent.”
Alhaitham vaguely hears Cyno’s response as he heads off, driving as soon as he is able. The car ride is nothing different than the usual traffic. With summer underway, the sun is more likely to shine directly into his eyes with its longer days, but Alhaitham hardly notices the inconvenience as he wonders if you have already started to make dinner at home. And which apron you have decided to use today– the lemon floral design or the funnier one with a phrase that always makes you laugh a little under your breath. 
The thought follows him from his parked car into his shared apartment with you, and when he sees you greet him with a smile, he thinks no photo can compare to the real-life you. It’s a curious thought; your smile is no different then and now, but he feels it inside him that he will always be more satisfied with seeing you in person. 
Alhaitham wonders if he is quieter than usual, sitting with his thoughts because he looks up mid-meal and sees your concerned expression. “Are you alright?” You ask, voice warm and affectionate. He feels his cheeks prickle with a tell-tale sign of an oncoming blush and he cannot understand why. “Did something happen at work today?”
“...It’s busier,” Alhaitham says. He has no intentions on bringing his work home especially now when it may become more complicated than he would want it to. With law enforcement possibly being involved and the company’s livelihood… Candace has advised him to keep it among those in the company and Alhaitham is inclined to agree. He would never lie to you though; he’d say everything if you ever asked, and the realization is abrupt. “I’ve been told I can’t say too much because it’s confidential information, but if you would prefer if I told you-”
“No, it’s fine.” You wince, waving your hand. “I mean, unless you want to tell me. But I don’t want you to get in trouble. I appreciate you telling me though.” Warmth seeps into your voice again. You gaze at him with just as much heat, if not more searing, as though you have something else you want to tell him. 
You don't, though, dropping your gaze to the plate in front of you. (Alhaitham can definitely feel his upper cheeks warm, and he continues to eat again too, hoping to blame the color on the light.) “If there’s anything I can do for you,” you say, “just let me know.” 
You look up again to flash a small smile at him, and he returns it. 
“Thank you,” he says, and finds that it is genuine.
“Of course.” You nudge his leg underneath the table with a twinkle in your eyes. “For you, always,” you say and laugh as though your promises do not have a hold on his heart. 
The quicker he gets this company problem out of the way, Alhaitham thinks, the faster he can start planning for the wedding, financially and logistically. He remembers that you wanted a large wedding, after all, and he will only provide the best for you on your wedding day. His wedding day. Both of yours. 
Alhaitham supposes a few hours of working at home won’t hurt if it means that day can come more quickly. The reason why he feels this way sits on the precipice of his mind, but then you ask him about his opinions on preferred cleaning products for the hardwood floors and the thought is pushed to the back where it will surface when he least expects it.
(And by then, his thoughts will have rearranged everything into three simple words.)
.
.
.
taglist:
@crowbird @thetwinkims @jaguarthecat @kibbly-bibbly @tanspostsblog @dxstopiaa @theprinceofkhaos @homeinhobii @nagisuterus @sleep-deprivedracoon @scentedcandlesandcookies @secretlyrexlapis @yoimyas @teapartyspilled @herbal-tea-and-manga @quintessentialdreaming @detectivesparrow @certaindreampost @kazuharem @pixelsocs @nekogakuro @escapeis @loki-zos-galvus @achilleas-dream @feverish-dove @innocent-and-angelic @fudogh
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gyutarling · 5 months
Text
CHASING THAT FUZZY FEELING
txt as my favourite shoegaze songs
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♯ — txt x gn!reader ⋆ fluff ⋆ angst ⋆ blurbs
warnings! — cringe, cheesy, not proofread, lowercase intended, extremely corny
note — i'm not completely satisfied w soob's n tyun's T-T notes, reblogs, feedback always appreciated!
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YEONJUN — lovely crawl by fleeting joys
"i’m looking for something that’s lost in the light"
yeonjun can be considered what some would call a hedonist. always looking for cheap thrills, things that numb and burn, that die out just as quickly as he does come morning time. everyone knows it, they pity him, and they pity you. you, who despite being aware of yeonjun’s ways, fell victim to his never-ending pursuit of pleasure. he’s here for a good time, you’re here for a long time. you thought you’d be content with the superficial affection he provides, but alas, you long for substance. constantly teetering on the edge of nothing and something, yeonjun only wants you at your best, and your best is when you’re igniting his flame of hedonism. it drowns you— the noise, the strobelights, the waiting. you’re always waiting for more, for something. but on fleeting occasions, when yeonjun’s not even conscious, passed out on the floor from the highs of self-indulgence from the night before, when it’s quiet. that’s when you can crawl up next to him, the physical closeness aids in the illusion of there being something more.
SOOBIN — bloom by glare
"your smile blooms one on me"
to say that soobin is the embodiment of a first love is like saying the sky is blue. but it’s not the exciting, puppy love type that people always say it is. falling for him is a slow descend, that budding feeling that grows, a kind of affection that’s been there all along, it just needed to sprout. soobin is a flower. a flower that opens up when the time is right, and when it is, he brings a soft hue of salvation to your bleak world. you may be fooled, because a beautiful flower can be admired by many, but you know that the blossoming emotions that soobin feels are true to only you. delicate but strong, he can withstand all the harsh conditions that the world rains down on him because you’re here, it’s a mutual assurance. it’s a love that’s gentle and nurturing, in the way that he makes you want to grow and become beautiful just like him. he supports you in every step of the way, with a smile, and it’s all you need, really.
BEOMGYU - mellow by whirr
"always between me and you"
beomgyu is aware of the ephemerality of life. he thinks there’s a certain beauty to it, honestly, how nothing lasts forever. that’s why he would consider himself a simple person, taking pleasure in the little things that make up the transience called happiness. but deep down, beomgyu is afraid. he has been loved before, and he has loved, too. he has loved too much, too intensely— but unfortunately, love is not an exception, regardless of how much beomgyu wished otherwise. so when you came into his life, beomgyu desperately hoped that nothing would take you away, that you’re not just a fleeting moment. no one gets him like you do, the way you just know. beomgyu thinks that you might just actually be his soulmate, because your connection transcends anything words can describe. he’s convinced that he must've been surrounded by cardboard cutouts his whole life, as no one but you has ever conveyed so much depth with their existence alone. monotony is beautiful with you— in fact, he would be content with just laying on the floor in your presence for eternity. so just this once, he wishes for you to be the exception.
TAEHYUN — angel by drop nineteens
"and i believe that dreams come true, cause you came when i wished for you"
“larger than life” is a phrase that would encompass taehyun’s existence perfectly. his genuine love for this cruel world impresses many, as if he knows of a transformative secret that is the key to living his life to the fullest. maybe it’s his vast curiosity, to want to know not only of the wonders of life, but also how he can get back up even after it knocks him down. taehyun believes that negativity is too draining, because of that, being with him is like a transformative experience in and of itself. he must be a higher being, an angel, 'cause even at your lowest, just one hint of a smile from him is enough for you to ascend to the clouds. that floating feeling never leaves you when you’re with him, it swallows you whole, and it makes you wonder how you could feel sad ever again. even when the clouds clear, when you two are at your most vulnerable, under the gaze of the stars, you’ll watch the skies in taehyun’s eyes instead, they shine brighter in there anyway.
HUENINGKAI — how fast can you love by pia fraus
"tomorrow, please love me"
kai has been patient his whole life. his passion drives him, he’s been walking a lonely road to achieve his dreams. he had always thought that he grew up too fast, no time for insignificant matters, kai’s world is a world in which he has to fight to survive. of course, that doesn’t mean that he’s completely immune to youthful desires, and kai wishes for nothing more than to turn back time so he could feel like a real person again, even just for a little while. and when you came into his life— a force to be reckoned with, you are, he thinks that letting himself indulge for once wouldn’t hurt. so he lets his passion consume him this time, and only then does he realise how lonely he has been all along. kai is tired of being patient, and it shows through his complete vulnerability when he’s with you. even though it’s hard, he’s so used to locking his emotions away in his heart-shaped box, you can tell he’s really trying. kai puts every ounce of himself in the potential of your love, because then he would finally have something to hope for, no matter how unsure he may be.
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thesith · 1 month
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— Chapter Three: Favorite Clones
Bedtime Story Masterlist | Main Masterlist
Previous Chapter | Next Chapter
“I asked Echo to swap shifts so I could tell you this part of the story - it… means a lot to me.” Hunter started, ready to reminisce about his beloved Commander.
“Where’d ya end up getting your tat anyway?” Wrecker asked while once again scavenging your kitchen for food. His brothers also looked at you for an answer, scanning your figure for any sign of the ink.
“Tats,” You corrected before sighing, pulling down the collar of the shirt you’d been wearing, revealing the insignia over your heart. You could sense the room fill to the brim with emotions, even from Crosshair. A groan of joy escaped Wrecker’s mouth as he brought you into a tight hug - one containing so much love.
“I think it’s perfect,” slipped from Hunter’s lips, who decided to join in on the hug - subsequently the other two brothers followed. “Good choice, Commander.”
You smiled and removed your hand from Wrecker’s back, placing a hand over the new 99. You hadn’t expected to form such a strong attachment to the group, but looking back on everything, it was inevitable. “Okay, okay - guys let’s not get sappy now!”
Wrecker wiped his tear-stained cheeks, “It- It’s just that…”
“We know, Wrecker. They’re one of us,” Hunter cut in in an attempt to console his brother, “They will always be part of our squad.”
With a new-found freedom from Wrecker’s arms, you remembered, “Hey, Wrecker? Remember how you wanted to try my lightsaber and we forgot?”
As if on cue his eyes brightened and he held out his hands, squeezing his fingers to his palm in a ‘gimme’ motion. The sight made you laugh while you used the Force to bring your lightsaber to your hand.
You went over the basics with the larger clone, his brothers watching in awe as you ignited the lightsaber on a lower setting so no real damage would be dealt to your living room. The green light shone on Wrecker’s face as you handed it to him, which ended with him waving it around in an attempt to imitate the few Jedi he’s seen.
“So,” Hunter started while watching his brother swing the lightsaber at non-existent enemies, “Tech told us that you helped him feel the Force.”
“Aw, are you jealous?” Crosshair teased with a smirk on his face.
Hunter immediately shook his head (which looked suspicious, but you let it slide), “No, just wondering how you did that. Could you do it with us, too?”
“I honestly had no idea that it was possible until I tried with Tech - I’ve always been more in tune with the Force than many of my peers, save for Anakin Skywalker, and been able to wield it in ways many cannot.” You started, hoping to give Hunter a satisfactory answer, “I could most likely do the same for the rest of you, if you’d like to feel it.”
“A consular, then?” Tech questioned your reply, “I’ve been studying articles on the Jedi since your arrival with us - if I’m not mistaken, Jedi Consulars tend to not use their lightsabers unless it’s a last resort, which I have observed in your combative style. They also use a green blade most frequently, rather than the blue and yellow of guardians and sentinels, respectively.”
You nodded, “You’re correct, though I wouldn’t expect otherwise from you. My green blade reflects my status, but the crystal chooses the Jedi - not the other way around. Honestly if I had my choice of color it’d be purple.”
“Like Master Windu’s, then? I have never understood why he wields such a color.”
You laughed, “Honestly, I’m not sure either. I think it’s because of the form he developed and uses - it’s close to using the dark side of the Force.”
”Ah, I see. You believe it to be a combination of the Sith’s red and Jedi’s blue?”
You nodded, turning your attention back to the faux-Jedi Wrecker, who’s having the time of his life with your saber. You had to stifle a laugh at him running around the room, attempting to twirl his lightsaber behind his back.
“Okay, Wrecker - that’s enough. Give the Commander back their lightsaber - we have work to do.”
Wrecker huffed, not wanting his fun to end. Eventually, he flipped the ignition switch and returned your hilt, which you hooked back onto your belt.
Hunter spoke your name from beside you, causing you to meet his gaze. “Are we your favorite clones?”
“I’ve been living with you for half a year and you’re asking me that?” A rhetorical question, “Yes, you are my favorite clones. Though, there was one clone I was very close to from General Skywalker’s legion, the 501st.”
“Just haven’t seen him in awhile?” Hunter pushed, wanting to know more about this clone.
You averted your eyes and looked everywhere but at him, “Yes, I haven’t seen him in awhile. He… died. A couple years ago. It was a mission to retrieve information from a Jedi Master, who was locked in the Citadel on Lola Sayu.” You rubbed the fabric of your robes between your pointer finger and thumb, “He was so brave and kind, always eager to learn - his batchmates named him Echo.”
Hunter placed a caring hand on your shoulder, “I’m sorry for your loss, Commander. He sounds like a great guy.”
You could only nod, accepting Hunter’s comforting touch. You lifted up the hem of your robes and traced your fingers over the new ink that laid on your ribcage - 1409. The gaze on your tattoo was heavy, yet no words were spoken by anyone in the room.
Your short-lived vacation on Coruscant had finally come to an end, and it was time for your squad to set back out into the galaxy - part of you was grateful to be leaving the bustling ecumenopolis, but you would definitely miss the downtime. You had a feeling that the next time you returned to Coruscant would be your last time with the Bad Batch, and you weren’t ready for that day to come.
“Wait a minute,” A sleepy Omega asked her brother, not knowing whether the tiredness made her hear things, “Echo died?”
“He’s here with us, so no,” Hunter neglected to explain what really happened, “That is why he hasn’t told any of the story yet, though. He was… away during this time period.”
By the time Hunter finished his sentence, Omega was fast asleep with soft snores leaving her slightly-open mouth.
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saintsenara · 18 days
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Heyy, just came back from reading your analysis for remadora and snupin, and I just wanted to say THANK YOU for speaking the truth no one else seems to aknowledge.
First of all, Tonks is a queen and neither Remus or Sirius held a candle against her. I agree that their relationship wasn't at all perfect, that there were many topics to be discussed and explored there, and let's be honest, Remus isn't exactly healthy boyfriend material, regardless of his age.
Which takes me to my point. I love some fluffy snupin fic with a sweet and regretful Remus as much as the next person, mostly because it feeds my joy on seeing him actually beating himself for his mistakes and how he was as much of a bully to Severus as the rest of them. I want Severus's pain and the role Remus played in it to be acknowledged in their relationship.
However, I also want to see some good canon compliant snupin fic where Remus Lupin is presented as the low-key cruel and dark asshole we know he is. I don't buy that he only remained with the marauders because he didn't want to be alone, hell nah, that was Peter. Remus enjoyed their shenanigans and the pranks just as much, and I bet he was the mastermind behind a lot of them. I believe he was the only one who had some guilty conscience afterwards, but it wasn't nearly enough to make him re-consider.
I want some snupin fic where their dynamic follows the one we see in canon. Severus being terrified of Lupin and traumatized after what happened in the Shack, I want Lupin to low-key get off his fear because it makes him feel superior to the usually composed and indiferent Snape. I want Lupin to have been weirdly fixated with Severus since their school years and that's why he never stopped the pranks, because he enjoyed seeing the other boy under their mercy. I want Lupin to "hunt" him as both a teenager and as they're both professors in Hogwarts. Back when i read the books, I always thought his behaviour with Severus, both when they interacted and when Lupin talked about him with others, was kinda fruity. Like, what's up with than enthusiasm to see him wearing woman's clothes? How come he's the only one who refers to him "Severus" when everyone else, except for Dumbledore, calls him Snape? Yeah, it always felt weird to me.
In short, I simply think their canon compliant dynamic would be much more interesting if taken in consideration for fanfics. I love the whole "prey/predator" dynamic they could have.
ahh, thank you so much, anon! i'm delighted that you enjoyed my thoughts on both snupin and remadora - there are dozens of us!
[and i'd like to also draw your attention to this excellent addendum to the remadora point by @evesaintyves - i think it's really important for all of us remadora fans to be vigilant about challenging a tone which is far too prevalent in our conversations that to think about tonks - and lupin - as queer devalues them and their relationship within a canon-coherent setting.]
and yes - absolutely - i love seeing the messiness and thorniness of lupin explored - in snupin or otherwise - by stories which engage with the ruthlessness which lurks beneath his mask of benign affability. bring me the story which really gets into lupin describing his midnight jaunts with the lads in full werewolf form as "the best times of my life" - and clearly never being anywhere near as sorry about the risk he was running as he makes out in prisoner of azkaban...
[and also the fact that it doesn't seem quite as clear to me as i once thought it did that he didn't know anything about the werewolf prank...]
and i think there's an enormous amount of potential in using the longstanding cruelty which is tangible in snape and lupin's dynamic as a vehicle to bring down the mask behind which he lives - and that his relationship with his own sexuality is a really interesting example of that.
there's a homophobic undercurrent to a lot of the marauders' bullying of snape - the nickname "snivellus", for example, is based in the idea of snape being improperly masculine - which endures into the adult lupin and sirius' relationship with him [sirius' comment about snape being lucius malfoy's "lapdog" is him insinuating a sexual relationship between them in which snape is implied to be the receptive partner; lupin obviously thinks that snape would regard being made to cross-dress as humiliating and emasculating].
and while i love the portrayal of the wizarding world in fics as some sort of queer utopia - because i love the escapism of it - the evidence we have from canon is that this is... a pretty far-fetched thing to say about a society which is so obsessed with blood and lineage and the continuation of both of these things.
someone like lupin, who already depends so much on maintaining a mask of "civility" and conformity because of the precarious status his lycanthropy confers upon him in the eyes of the state strikes me as someone who would really struggle to acknowledge himself as queer in any way without thinking of that queerness as deviant and as dangerous to him.
[which is such an underrated remadora premise - tonks is clearly much more comfortable with being experimental and explorative in how she engages with the world. you could have so much fun with the impact tonks' relationship to her own queerness would have on lupin's relationship to his.]
lupin discovering snape is queer - and the combined fear and desire this might inspire in him, and how this would be received by snape, who is still so hung up on being afraid of and humiliated by him - could be a really complex and tangled premise for a story.
which i think you may have just offered to write...
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tickling-giggles · 10 months
Note
Hi Kiara!! I missed reading your fics hehe, it always brings me joy!! If you have time, please consider writing a fic with lee reader (male or gender neutral) and lers todoroki and bakugou! Hehe (Probably the Reader is a new student in UA, initially scared of Todoroki and Bakugou because of their brutality in the UA Sports Festival. But then Midoriya decided to introduce the reader to them to show that they're not that scary, and the teasy midoriya somehow make Bakugou and Todoroki wreck the reader with tickles lol). P.S. please no foot/palm tickles, have a nice day Kiara! Looking forward to it <3
You’ll fit in Just fine
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A/N: Hello nonnie!! I’m glad my fics bring you happiness.
Summary: You just transferred to UA and Izuku helps you fit into 1-A. He introduces you to Bakugou and Todoroki. Everyone thinks that they’re very intimidating, but Izuku will prove otherwise by inviting you to a game night!
G/N- Gender Neutral (They/Them)
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“My stuff is already here?” You asked Deku nervously. “Yeah I helped your parents bring your stuff up” He smiled at you.
“Come on i have some friends I would like for you to meet” He eagerly grabbed your hand. You grabbed on to anything and everything to stop him from bringing dragging you inside of the dorms. “Y/N come on there’s nothing to be nervous about” he explained as he pull.
As you entered the dorms mix of excitement and apprehension. But a couple of them were playing a game when you walked in. “Hey guys this is Y/N. They’re new here” Deku introduced. “H-hi I’m F/N L/N. I was originally supposed to be here on the first day of UA but they lost some paper work and I had to wait.” You explained.
“Omg hiiiii Y/N I’m Mina by the way I love your hair is pretty” Mina complimented you. “I’m Denki IS THAT A FRUITSBASKET TATTOO I LOVE THAT ANIME” Denki fanboyed over the tattoo. One by one they introduced themselves to you it calmed your nerves. “Hey do you guys wanna play with us?” Sero offered.
“I have to help them finish unpacking plus I want them to meet Kacchan and Todoroki” He smiled before he dragged you into the elevator. “When you said todoroki you don’t mean… Endeavor’s son Shouto do you?” Your nerves started creeping up on ya. “Yes and Kacchan, I still can’t believe you don’t remember him the three of us use to play heroes all the time” Deku reminded you.
“WAIT BAKUGOU?! KATSUKI BAKUGOU?!” The realization finally hit you. “Yes him” Deku giggled. “He’s that guy from the sports festival who went up against ochako!!” You started panicking.
“Kacchan isn’t gonna hurt you netheir is Todoroki they’re both super fun to be around once you get to know em” Deku reassured you as you two walk to Todoroki’s room he knocked on the door as it open you see Bakugou sitting down on his bed.
“Hey sho” Deku happily greeted. “Hello Midoriya” He greeted him back as he notice you “Who’s this Midoriya are they new?” He asked.
“Bingo! This is Y/F/N Y/L/N, Y/N this is Shoto and That is Kacchan”Deku introduced. “Haven’t seen this extra since back when I was 5” Kacchan raised a brow looking at you. “H-Hi is that the one card game you were talking about Izu?” You asked noticing the game infront of Bakugou.
“Oh yeah that’s the Truth or Dare game lets all play it” Deku plopped on Shoto’s bed. Shoto closed the door as both you and him sat on his bed. “Sure why not” Todoroki agreed as he opened the boxes and found some cards laying the two stacks ‘Truth’ and ‘Dare’. “You’re going first Deku” bakugou stated.
“Fine” Deku goes picking up a date card “Dare spin in a circle for 30 seconds and walk in a straight line, if you fail cold water will be poured on you! Guys can we do 15 seconds? Pleaseeeee” Deku whined. You, bakugou, and Todoroki told him no.
“Fine If i hurt myself I blame all of you” Deku pouted as he did his dare successfully surprisingly.
“You’re turn Kacchan” Deku smiled. “I know that Deku” He also picked up a Dare “Dare have a chugging contest with the person on your left. loser has to get a nose hair pulled you’re gonna lose Deku” Bakugou grinned handing Deku a water bottle.
They both began to chug and surprisingly it was a tie. “Who won it was me right icyhot?” He gasped for air. “Nah uh it was totally me right Y/N” Deku argued. “Well it was a tie” you and todoroki both say. “So who gets the punishment?” Deku asked “I guess no one since it was a tie if so then I’m drawing my card” Todoroki explained picking up a dare “Dare draw a Truth um okay Truth is it true that you like cats? Yes my sister has a cat at home she just adopted her, her name is Chi Chi” Todoroki told the truth.
“That wasn’t fair” Deku pouted.
“Your turn nerd” Bakugou notified you. You picked up a Dare “Dare send your mom or dad a risky message then text oops wrong person. Yeah no that’s a set up Andrea my parent will kill me. I’m picking truth Truth are you ticklish No okay your turn Midoriya” you sped up the last bit. “Why—“
“Shut up go” you side-eyed Deku smiling nervously. “You didn’t read the the whole card dummy we have to prove if it’s true or not” Deku giggled as you doubled back looking at the card it did indeed say that.
Little did you know, Bakugou and Todoroki had mischievous sides too. Suddenly, they teamed up and decided it was time to initiate you into their group by indulging in some lighthearted tickling fun.
As they approached you with mischievous grins, you tried to protest, but the ticklish sensations overwhelmed your resistance. “Seehe I’m not tihicklish” “Oi Deku come hold their arms down there in my way” Bakugou demanded. And of course Deku pinned your arms above your head which made you more vulnerable and ticklish.
“Lehet goho izhuhuku you traitohor” you let giggles out.
Giggles and laughter filled the room as they tickled you, gently but persistently, until you couldn't hold back the laughter anymore.
“Ohohkahahay wahahait ihit tihickles ahahaha” you tried wiggling out of Deku’s grip. “That’s the point” Deku giggled tracing shapes on your neck,as bakugou started scribbling your armpits.
“Nahahahaha THAHAHATS BAHAHAHAHAD”
“Finally they cracked” Bakugou smirked . “They’re more ticklish than you Midoriya” Todoroki teased drilling his fingers into your hips. “Todoroki!” Deku blushed.
“OHOHOHOKAHAHAHAY OHOHOKAHAHAY” you tapped the floor and they let up. “See I told you they weren’t that bad” Deku giggled.
After the tickling stopped, you realized that your initial fear of Bakugou and Todoroki had melted away. Their playful antics had brought you closer together, and from that day forward, you all cherished the bond of friendship, knowing that laughter truly knows no bounds.
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tsams-confessions · 1 month
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I know confessing on the internet is somewhat a bad(?) thing, but I felt the need to say this; TSAMS Eclipse is a comfort character to me.
Obviously I do not find comfort in his past actions nor would I ever condone them; he needs to be held accountable for them, but I do find comfort in his trauma; the abandonment he suffered, the trust issues, the constant assurance he tells himself now crumbling from his very hands as everything spirals out of his own control, how he doesn’t want to be pitied or viewed weak due to feeling powerless (otherwise he could’ve been his very own hero, saving himself from the traumatizing situation) when he was left inside Sun’s head causing him to reject any help from anyone because he saw it as something weak (which is why he possibly has no idea HOW to ask for help), lashing out because he has no idea how to properly ground himself during these episodes (I feel like he doesn’t even know what kind of emotion he feels sometimes, it becomes too much for him maybe), the fact that he was abandoned during his awakening(?) and during his final moments as himself (I do understand why Solar left him, he wanted to move on while Eclipse didn’t, I believe it wouldn’t be fair for Solar flare of he stayed).
All of these are some of the main things why I find him comforting to me, as I’ve felt a lot of what he was feeling at a young age; the confusion, anger, loosing a sense of self, holding onto a false hope that’s slowly crumbling from in between your fingers and breaking even more because of how hard your holding them hoping it’ll stay when in the end it was all just fear of feeling lost in a world where people have purpose and dreams.
It’s all so scary and terrifying, and Eclipse being in these situations just reminds of more of some parts of myself and younger self; which maybe the reason why I have a liking to him.
I don’t know how the show will go with Eclipse, but if it does go with his redemption theme I will gladly support him in that hard journey. Changing something is especially hard when that very thing you have to change in order for a step in the right direction was all you knew; it would feel like leaving yourself behind and that can be scary, not knowing what’s ahead after you do. Would you gain or loose more? It’s kind of like Russian roulette in a sense. It’ll be a hard, painful and agonizingly long way to go for Eclipse; he’ll get angry and upset, get overwhelmed, depressed, lost, terrified even, he probably would backtrack sometimes.
But even if he does, I would be proud of him nonetheless for even attempting to change in the first place because of how courageous it is, at least to me. Changing can be a scary and terrifying experience and it’ll need a lot of bravery and courage to even make the first step.
Of course, he would absolutely need to apologize to everyone he’s ever hurt and understand that some of them won’t forgive him; maybe in the future they will, but some won’t forgive him ever, and he has to accept that as it is. Even if it may frustrate him, he has to accept it.
I’ve created so many AU’s about Eclipse and it’s very, very self indulgent. It brings me comfort and peace, joy even. I get to be somewhat a hero to the very person I see apart of myself to, someone that desperately needed it and I couldn’t be happier giving that help. Bonus that I get to be friends with him??? See him heal??? Accept the change and be brave??? SEE HIM LAUGHING AT JOKES MAYBE??? BEING HAPPY??? CONTENT EVEN??? YES
I just had the urge to say it, and I deathly apologize for any misspellings; most of the information here Is how I view Eclipse as a character and his behaviors.
-anonymous 雫
Ps- I love Eclipse, he needs a friend and perhaps someone to love (which I will certainly and gladly slide myself gently into his dms for /silly)
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purgemarchlockdown · 7 months
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Shidou, Mahiru, Amane and Parenthood
(Also Known As: Shidou and Mahiru are paralleled with Amane's parents and I need to talk about it)
(CW: Child Abuse, Cults)
So the newest interrogation question came out and the question is this:
If you had to make one of the prisoners part of your family, who would you choose?
Amane's answer to it was this:
A: Mahiru Shina. Her innate goodness might have brought the two of us closer, maybe
This is an interesting response for a lot of reasons, especially since the last time we saw Amane and Mahiru interacting they didn't exactly have a pleasant conversation.
23/01/17 (Mahiru’s Birthday)
Amane: Happy birthday. Mahiru-san. How is your body feeling? Mahiru: ……ah, Amane-chan. Thank you. Yeah, I’m fine. Now I can move around if I use a wheelchair…… It’s all thanks to Shidou-san looking after me…… Amane: I’ll give you one warning. The two of you are dabbling in something tabooed. If you continue to go against the way of nature like this, you’ll just bring an early death upon yourself. Think hard about this. Mahiru: Amane-chan……? Are you really Amane-chan……?
If Amane believes that Mahiru is dabbling in something taboo then why does she think Mahiru should be apart of her family? Well let's take a look at how Mahiru and Amane parallel for a bit. At first it doesn't seem like they have much in common but there's actually a substantial amount of connections between them.
The one most important to this discussion is the usage of water and their views on love.
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Now water for Amane is punishment, both symbolically and literally. She was waterboarded. However this torture was used to confirm something, her parents "love" for her.
But it’s not scary at all, because it’s love I can actually think of it as a good thing, see isn’t it a great thing?
The thing about Amane Momose is that she's sinful and impure. At least in the eyes of her cult. She's constantly messing up, constantly failing, constantly wanting to run from the trials presented to her.
Dear wise one, Is this ok? Is it ok to be weak sometimes?
In the eyes of her cult Amane Momose needs to be punished so she can become "better." A better girl, a better person, a better follower of god. Under this logic the punishments are her parents way of delivering...salvation, to cleanse Amane Momose's impure soul of it's faults and eventually turn her into a "good girl."
Pain is Love, for all intents and purpose, it means that her parents still care enough about her to try to purify her. Even though she herself knows that it's a lost cause.
Only if, only if, only if I could be a good girl
This is something she shares with Mahiru.
We fought sometimes, I was happy to get hurt Let's have matching pain, this sickness is pretty bad
Do you really think you know what love is? If you do, let's just overheat together
Mahiru believes that if you are in love you share everything, happiness, sorrow, joy, pain. Being together even if you are suffering and unhappy is proof of your "bond."
Giving you love to the point of pulling you down It's just because I still get worried, please forgive me Even when I test you, even the times we do the breakup ritual, Is because I love you
Using this lens we can read the water through a different lens we can see it as...love. Water is love, it is needed for people to live, it is rejuvenating and good.
Now multiple characters have this motif and I won't talk about it in too much detail but both Amane and Mahiru's boyfriend are covered in water, love. Metaphorically or otherwise. Except both of them are submerged in it, drowned even. The version of love Amane was given and the version of love Mahiru gave out was distorted and destructive. With Mahiru's love ultimately leading, in some way or another, to her boyfriend's death.
This makes two lines in their MVs super interesting.
My emotions are out of control, that’s inconvenient? I don’t care!
You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already
This is very similar phrasing but the context is completely different.
When Mahiru says this line she's talking about her love for her boyfriend. Her overly indulgent, suffocating, love. It doesn't matter if it's inconvenient to Him because this is how she shows Her love.
No matter how unaware she was of how unhealthy her relationship was (and I don't think she was malicious at all in her intentions), she was still Actively suffocating him by not taking his feelings into consideration.
Amane however is Reacting to her mother's abuse. Her mother's painful and horrible "love." "Love" that really could have killed her, people aren't supposed to survive waterboarding and electrocution without any medicine, or just in general.
When she goes to her mother and kills her she's doing this because she Hates Her. She doesn't care if she apologies because she never took Her Feelings into account when she punished her.
Not only that but we have this Timeline conversation.
20/07/06
Amane: You want to know about my family……? My father is a truly wonderful person. He’s honest, values fairness and justice above all else, and will work himself to the bone for other people’s sake……. Why do you want to know? Mahiru: Oh, I was just wondering what sort of parents you must have for them to have raised such a good child like you. Fufu, I’ll keep it in mind for the future when I raise my own family. Amane: I see. If it will be of use to you, I’ll tell you more. It’s still a long way off for me, but for someone your age the prospect of finding a partner and having a family must be feeling a lot more real. Now that I think about it, I recall my mother was around your age when she gave birth to me……
Amane's Mother was Mahiru's age when she gave birth to her? Mahiru thinks Amane is a good child and wants to use her parents as examples for how to raise someone like her?
To me, it seems like Mahiru is being paralleled with Amane's parents. Most likely her mother but you could probably argue the father too due to how Amane is (seemingly) on much better terms with him.
Now I've outlined most of the Mahiru-Parent parallels but we also have Shidou.
So, Amane hates Shidou, that's a well-documented opinion. Shidou violates cult rules and doctrine. He "steals" people's trials away. He's evil and horrible and needs to be destroyed.
Amane: Oh – speaking of which, there is one among the prisoners right now. An evil existence that’s trying to steal people’s trials away from them. Es: …! Amane: Shidou Kirisaki… His actions violate our rules. I have given him a warning. If he continues, I suppose it will be inevitable for me to intervene.
However this isn't the only reason why Amane dislikes Shidou, in fact she's disliked him since the start. For reasons completely unrelated to this.
Shidou makes Amane feel small.
Shidou: I…… I just don’t understand. If everything about MILGRAM is true…… why did a child like you have to become a murderer? Just imagining what sort of circumstances must have led to that, it makes me so sad…… Amane: ……*sigh*. Is that right. I don’t think I’m going to get along with you, Shidou-san. I don’t agree with the fact you refuse to acknowledge that I have my own free will, and that I should be held accountable for my actions, just because I’m a child. I may have only been alive for 12 years, but all the choices I’ve made, even if they weren’t the best ones, were entirely my own. What point is there in you getting sad when I have no regrets myself?
His actions are, for lack of a better term, triggering. It reminds Amane of her parents. The lack of control she had over the situation, and how her words meant nothing to them.
She cares about her free will because for most of her life her free will and choices weren't respected. So Shidou disregarding her feelings makes her feel disrespected and uncomfortable.
Is this done out of malice? No but it seems like Shidou is doing this more for his sake than Amane's.
22/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)
Kazui: What’s up, Shidou-kun? You’re looking pretty down. I guess you must be tired, I’ve been relying on you a lot lately. Shidou: Yeah, I just remembered…… today is Amane’s birthday. I’m just getting a bit sentimental. Kazui: Hmm, it’s unfortunate, but at the moment we can’t worry about that. ……you understand, right? There’s something that you need to do right now. And if you tried talking to her your words definitely won’t reach her. Don’t look at me like that. We’ll just wait until the situation changes. Let’s do our best. Shidou: Yeah. I’ll do what I can. I can’t have a child making a face like that. Even though we’re “murderers”…… we’re also the adults here.
Shidou is Guilt Man. He's absolutely consumed with it, even now that he doesn't want to die his guilt haunts him. In a way, taking care of Amane is a way to "redeem" himself for whatever he did.
He's also presumably coping with the loss of his own children and is projecting that Onto Amane and also Es. You can see this very clearly in his T1 VD.
Shidou: I’m a fine specimen of what a murderer ought to be. I don’t mind when you hand down your judgement, but if it’s possible… Instead of being told by the law that I won’t be forgiven, I wanted a child like you, Es, to tell me that.
Shidou is condescending and makes both Es and Amane feel uncomfortable and disrespected, even if he doesn't want to. His actions harm them because Shidou cares less about them and more about the Idea of them being children.
(My emotions are out of control, that’s inconvenient? I don’t care!)
The clearest example of how the way he interacts with Amane is this scene in this Timeline.
Amane: I warned you. I can no longer turn a blind eye to this wickedness taking place right in front of us. You’re bringing ruin unto yourself. Do you understand? Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way. If it’s a test of endurance you want, I’m happy to oblige, Amane.
Now as I've said. Amane likes having her opinions and choices respected, this comes from how they Weren't when she was living with her parents. Most of her positive interactions with people, especially in T2, come from people asking her about her opinions and how she feels about things. Shidou dismissing her emotions and calling them a temper tantrum was one of the worst things he could of possibly said to her. Outright confirming To Amane that Shidou doesn't care about how she feels.
Again that isn't exactly true, Shidou does care, but it doesn't change the affect it has on her does it?
Shidou makes Amane feels small and disrespected and Hurt. Like how her parents made her feel. Amane's just been given a righteous reason to hurt him now, like what she had for her mother.
(This is another reason why I can't exactly say Mahiru is paralleled with her mother and Shidou her father...it's possible we have a bit of a roleswap here.)
In short: 050608 family parallels haunt me forever and ever.
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vital-information · 7 months
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"What I really realized about some of my ideas of freedom is that they were like neoliberal fantasies. It's like, 'let me choose everything,' 'leave me alone all the time,' 'don't put any demands on me--only I will make demands.' It's a dark vision, and it really took me a long time to understand that the things that I'd been taught by the capitalist 80s to believe were unfreedom are freedom. Having people who mean something to you, who you have duties towards, is not unfreedom; it's freedom. It's actual existence...To be free of meaning is not freedom. Now my life is full of meanings, sometimes they're difficult, sometimes they're painful, but it's absolutely full. I don't think children are the only root to that kind of meaning, but I absolutely think you have to find something other than yourself to focus on.
...
When I meet a lot of other lady writers, I know, when we first had children we spent our whole time talking about how we were somehow trapped or imprisoned, but that's the most superficial idea of what a relation with other people is like. Now I consider all my relations--my friends, my dog, my husband, my family--as things that liberate me from myself. They are absolute freedom to me, and without them I would just be completely lost. A dog can do this for you, a cat can do this for you, going down to the larder and volunteering can do this for you. You just need to be among other people at some point, because otherwise it's hard to find in yourself (or for me anyway) a reason to go on.
...
It's a question of what does that freedom involve. I notice with the 'children thing' is that, at least in my own case, you spend so long battling to try and retain your own space. Then, when you look at what you've battled for, it isn't very much. These children are about to grow and disappear so quickly that you're going to get what you want sooner than you can imagine. All of these things are so out of sync with our capitalist discourse which is about 'you do you,' 'get what you want.' When it comes into conflict with this other thing, I guess we have in our heads, 'Am I become some kind of Victorian or old-fashioned person who is domesticated and a traditional woman.' We fight against that as if there's no liberating version of being connected to other people. That is the triumph of capitalism: it convinces you that it's just you and the shops, it's just you and the phone, and that's all that there is. Where there is an older vision of solidarity between people, within families, between children, between men and men, women and women, men and women--a community that is freeing. It's not a trap. It's like the only thing that brings joy.
...
I also think that's one of the tricks of the patriarchy: it makes you feel that all the traditional, supposedly feminine arts are humiliating. But why are they humiliating? In my house, it was the other way around. My dad was the cook. My dad was the cleaner. My mom was working a lot. My dad did a lot of those things. They're not humiliating when a man does them, apparently--[Interviewer Annie Macmanus: They're noble.]--He's been dead a long time, and sometimes, I can think of a meal he used to cook me, and it will bring me to tears. It was an art. And it was nourishing. And it was beautiful. And I'm so grateful. It was an act of love. I can't cook like that. My children will never have those memories of me. But, it's not nothing. It's the art of living. If it was a supposedly traditionally male art, you'd be getting awards for it...So I really resent the idea that these things are humiliating, even when I am picking up pants off the stairs, I think, 'I'm doing something for somebody else.' There is something noble in that, I hope.
Of course, the frustration is real. I think men suffer it just as much as women. I think to the credit of many contemporary men, they are doing absolutely the same amount of work...So the frustration is no longer purely female, which might be one of the triumphs of feminism. It's now something that lots of people have to experience, men and women. It's not that it's not real, but I have come to realize that [the frustration]'s not entirely debilitating. When it comes to art making, frustration can be really useful. Not being able to write, having your hands tied for part of every day, when I get down to my desk, I can't wait. Whereas when I was twenty-seven, I do remember embarrassingly moping around saying, 'Oh, I've got writer's block,' 'Oh, I've got ennui.' That to me now is like a comic thing, a ridiculous person who can't be taken seriously."
Zadie Smith, interviewed on Changes with Annie Macmanus
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