I love being ghosted by HR lmao

defending kipperlily copperkettle online isn't enough. i need a gun.

experimenting with filters and stuff again :)

Oof okay, work pissed me off and I've been thinking about the Bad Kids a lot so here we go:

This season is so good at capturing the sheer Rage of realizing that being exceptional gets you NOTHING.

You can be fucking perfect on paper. You can be LITERAL ROCK STARS AND SAINTS AND GENIUSES. You can go to Hell and save the world and people who didn't do a fraction of what you've done will say it's not fair to them.

This season has been poking at one of my sorest spots since it started, but today I've boiled over.

Allow me to share a personal rant for reference

I am a person who has always been just kinda...good at shit. I learn quickly, I can synthesize information and put it to use very easily. Generally, if I've done something once, I never need to be shown how to do it again. I don't tend to need a lot of help with things - most of my best learning is done through me teaching myself things. I move fast, I usually get things right on the first try.  

This isn't meant to be a brag, it's just the fact of how my brain works. 

So, watching my fucking coworkers, the ones that I HELPED, the ones that had to fail three times to get their paperwork to even go through the submit portal, get fucking BONUS POINTS is infuriating. They get fucking speed tracked while I sit here and wait for someone to get around to my submission - the one I completed and submitted DAYS earlier than theirs. The one that was approved on the first try and dropped onto a desk, never to be acknowledged again. I did it the day we got the assignment. I buckled down, I did the work, and I turned it in. 

So why is their trying more reward worthy than my doing?

Why are we acting like this approach is more fair????

"Yeah, the entire family pressured you to go to be a perfect student and go to college. No, your brother doesn't have to graduate high school - but at least he tried!"

"Yeah, you did 80% of the work on this project but at least they showed up for the presentation!" 

"Sure, you've done everything in your power to pursue your career of choice, you've followed every fucking step anyone has ever said you had to take to get there - unfortunately not everything works out. Oh, her? Well, she knows a guy who has a friend who's just going to hand her a job. No, she's not qualified for it at all!"

Over and over I've been told not to be too good too fast because all it gets you is more work and less reward. I should have learned this already.

I just don't know how many more times I can go to the job I got for displaying skills and abilities I was specifically asked to have, just for some guy to tumble in thirty minutes late with no clue what's going and get a fucking parade just for showing up. 

And please, can we let go of the assumption that more time spent = more effort applied?

bashing my head through the wall trying to remind myself that i literally don't need to be "normal" about media and the passion is what makes the writing interesting

kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....

k, m, n, t for pd and/or suck!!! >:33333

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

-> you know i gotta say wiwi. i have to. that character was Made For Me i swear to GOD . genuinely i cannot think about prime defenders season 2 episode 39 without feeling physically sick bc i love it so much. its the only one i havent relistened to since i heard it the first time. i KNOW its gonna make me cry again so i genuienly have not touched it even though theres things in there i need to hear again for character research. his arc is so like. narratively satisfying in a way that hits me so fucking deep to my core in an extremely personal way. and like. there were definitely some Decisions that i was REALLY ANNOYING about hating when they were brought up because im used to media with bad storytelling/creators that do not care about their characters but. looking back on it i would not change a single thing about it. i love you wiwi so much.

-> FOR SUCK.... its not over yet. so i cannot definitively say. campaign finale comes out tomorrow so my answer may change depending on that but for right now i think i gotta say arthur. i joke a lot about hating arthur for no real reason in particular but. man his story is just REALLY good. not going 2 give you suck spoilers (hehe) but i also really like how shilo has grown through the campaign. hes my little guy :]

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

-> TIDE. TIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TIDE TIDE TIDE I LOVE TIDE SO MUCH. thats my dad thats my best friend i love tide so much dude. every time he is mentioned or on screen i am just like :D HI TIDE I LOVE YOU TIDE

-> grefgore :] light of my life this is how i feel anytime i think about grefgore

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

-> CHARACTER STUDIES. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. I LIKE A GOOD SHIPPING FIC AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY BUT PLEASE GOD WRITE THEM IN CHARACTER. EXPLORE THEIR THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS AND WHY THEY MAKE CERTAIN DECISIONS THE WAY THEY DO. this doesnt even go for just pd and suck this is like. true for every single fandom ive ever fucking been in. do you know how hard it is to find character studies in the danny phantom tag on ao3. nobody has even fucking watched the show how are they going to write character studies they just want (<< i cannot legally finish this sentence without getting in so much trouble) I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING MY FUCKING SELF AROUND HERE. ALL I EVER WRITE ARE CHARACTER STUDIES BC THATS THE WAY I THINK ABOUT CHARACTERS. I LOVE THEIR MOTIVATIONS I LOVE TO GET INSIDE THEIR BRAINS LIKE A LITTLE PARASITE AND IT IS ALWAYS SURPRISING TO ME WHEN OTHER PEOPLE DO NOT THINK LIKE THIS. (edit im just now reading through this and realized the question says three things. i did not process that. my three things are all more character studies please)

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? 

-> oh dude i have so many hmmmmmmm how to choose just one. i have a LOT of feelings about wiwis original death and i might write something about that when i can get over my shrimp emotions about him. dakota cole audhd truther but that ones pretty much canon anyway so i dont think it counts. vyncent and his relationship with growing up in fantasy world and then being thrown into prime and how he adjusted to that. I think he really lies shitty syfy channel type horror movies that are so stupidly bad. and also plays a lot of video games but again i think thats mostly canon already. i think tide listens to dad rock but also like. ocean man by ween. you already know about my william and ashe being each others emotional support at concerts. i think william and ashe should hang out and do emo kid things more. i also have a lot of feelings about ashe and coping with the crippling loneliness of basically growing up alone and how the pd becoming like INSTANT best friends was so much for him in sooo many ways. you already know how i feel about mark i am in the middle of dissecting him like im in a high school biology class as we speak. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i know im gonna think of something really good after i hit the post button so stay tuned

in terror, four lieutenants; in t3m, four musketeers. Conclusion?

conclusion - same as always: destiny.

but wait oh christ okay. they even kinda fit...

you've got the og trio of

Wet Pathetic Loser

Deeply Religious Guy

Fancy Lad

which ig would make dundy... d'artagnan?? no. no oh god ok. listen. d'artagnan is jopson im afraid:

1. has a deeply homoerotic father/son relationship with a suicidal alcoholic

2. is actually kinda obsessed with him tbh

3. doesn't really start out as One Of Them, has to wait quite some time to get promoted

4. big part of the fandom actually ships him with little aka our athos

it makes sense you gotta believe me it does it does

So I don't know if it was ever revealed how Duncan felt when we killed Malistaire all three times but I'm wondering if maybe some part of him could hate us for that too. Like you hear that and you go "but why. Malistaire was terrible and even Duncan knew that(?). Why would he hate you for getting rid of him."

But like I think it's so....... interesting in a very, very, very sad way how Duncan so easily latches onto anyone who directly feeds into his delusions of grandeur. And that's no fault of his own that he was manipulated by the nasty Schism but when you think about how desperately clung to the idea that Malistaire, easily one of the greatest necromancers any of us had ever heard of (at that time), somehow actually recognized Duncan's talents (even when canon supports that Duncan wasn't all that talented, at least no more than the next necromancer) and then praised him for it so often that Duncan believed that he would be the next Death Professor is. I mean ☹️

So like with that mindset I unfortunately feel like it would be quite easy to twist even Malistaire's death as something that's horrible and awful and all our fault. ESPECIALLY if the Schism was feeding into Duncan's already broken mind and shattered ego and was constantly telling him that everything bad that ever happened to him ever in his life was Our Fault. That's like a realistic conclusion that someone like Duncan could come to

And like, at this point in time, are Malistaire's crimes even a factor in how he thinks????? Was Duncan ever able to separate Malistaire's talent and skills and prowess from the terrible and awful things he did? If Duncan wasn't able to consciously tell that distinction in the first place I can't imagine it would be any better during the years he was being manipulated and isolated and lied to

Like in Duncan's mind it probably isn't, "maybe I shouldn't idolize a national criminal, or idolize anyone at all for that matter, and aspire to be like someone so harmful when I can recognize my own talent and build from there" it's probably more like, "you (the wizard) permanently got rid of a brilliant mind, an innocent person who just made a few mistakes, and someone who believed in me no matter what just so that you could be the better than me and loved by everyone else" and that's! very sad actually!

Hero of drivers license

10 months…. how is my TDIM phase still going it’s been TENNN MONTHSSSSSSSS

neurotypicals are so frustrating,, i keep forgetting that "can you do x" means "go do x"

i have so many left. blasters t why are you like this istg.

The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah

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