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probsnothawkeye · 1 month

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At midnight Central Daylight Time on Friday, March 29, 2024, @athansmusic released his debut album. Limbo, the album in question, is a story of hurt, addiction, regret, healing, recovery, and content. Over the course of three years, Athan worked to create this album, pouring his entire heart and incredibly personal experiences into each of the songs. I originally intended on doing short form reviews of each song, trying to fit all of my thoughts into a tweet or less; but Limbo deserves far more than that. Each song tells a story and each story has a parallel; to reduce that to two hundred and eighty characters would be a disservice to the album and to you, the person reading this. Before we begin, I should make a few things clear:

Things I am not:

A trained musician

A professional critic or reviewer of any sort

Things I am:

A lover of music

Someone who was deeply moved by this album

With this out of the way, we are ready to dive into the world of Limbo and the stories Athan has weaved into it.

Song 1 - Limbo

The album opens, as you might expect, with the titular track. Limbo immediately gives you the sense of being stuck; stuck in life, stuck in your emotions, stuck in your own mind. “I’ve been stuck here / Stuck in limbo for days” is the line at the heart of the chorus and this sentiment can be felt in every inch of the song. The instrumentals of this song start with a simple beat that grows over the course of the first verse and bursts into a full life in the chorus. Athan has a propensity for voice modulation that works so perfectly with the instrumentals that are being layered. What is especially noteworthy is the way the chorus progresses from one of finality to one of hope. “I don’t think I can / I don’t think I will / make it out of here / Maybe I never can” becomes “I don’t think I can / or maybe I will / Make it out of here / Maybe I can”. Despite this sense of being trapped, being stuck, there is still hope. It’s that hope that will become a thread throughout the album as it goes from one of pain and regret into growth and relief.

Song 2 - Chronic

There are two sides to Limbo. Side A deals with pain and that is seen very clearly in Chronic. As a person with pretty severe depression, I latched onto Chronic right away; it’s the kind of song that reflects exactly what I’m feeling without the song or its creator knowing what I’m feeling. The lyrics portray a sense of listlessness and a lack of belonging that digs deep into the heart and squeezes it from the inside out. “Hold on tightly / to what excites me / Otherwise I might drown, shit, it’s tempting.” I have felt this exact thing multiple times in my life; hell, multiple times in this past week. There is an incredible amount of relatability in Athan’s lyrics– something that clearly comes from his personal connections to the songs he’s writing. You cannot fake that kind of emotion and it is emotion that anyone can latch onto and relate to. Couple that with the slow, almost reverberating beat of the song and you get the masterpiece that is Chronic.

Song 3 - The Valley

The Valley is one of the shortest songs on the album, however that doesn’t stop it from being an emotional punch to the stomach. It’s a song about family, about the pain that family can cause and the ways that it impacts a person. It’s about the excuses that people make for themselves, for their families; how even when you know it is an excuse, you still end up craving it. It’s a song that both minimizes its own pain and allows itself to feel it fully. “And my problems are small / But they’re taller than me”. Two lines that encapsulate an emotion that I cannot name but have felt time and time again; two lines that help drive that punch to the stomach that this song provides. Athan has a way of creating these songs that have a beat to them that doesn’t feel like it matches with the emotionality of the lyrics, and yet it all blends together so well. The Valley is short. But it does so much with its runtime that you forget that it’s a short song.

Song 4 - WhatDoIDo

WhatDoIDo is one of my favorite songs on Side A. It hurts me in a way you might not expect when you listen to it yourself. That’s the beautiful thing about this album; its relatability makes each song hit differently for different people. “Well maybe I don’t know what I need / Maybe I’m running on empty” is a line that hits me square in the chest and pulls thoughts of my current depressive episode. This is different than what it might mean for you, it’s different than what it means for Athan, and yet it still hits all the same. WhatDoIDo is another song with a very heavy beat to it, similar to the reverberation of Chronic. It adds a level of depth to the song that makes it feel like it's dragging you down with it in the best imaginable way. Mix that with Athan’s love of voice modulation and effects that he used in this song and you create something absolutely incredible.

Song 5 - Chameleon

“I've got about / 50 different hats that I have to wear. / One for my mom, one for my job. / One for my friends, one to survive.” Once again I have to applaud Athan for the relatability of his lyrics. The first time I heard this, I paused the song and stared off into space for a minute before restarting the song and letting it hit me again. Chameleon is a song about fitting in, about finding your place in the world and how hard it can be to be yourself. “Who am I without you around? / Maybe I can blend in somehow.” How well do we really know who we are? So much of a person is influenced by those around them; what happens when all of that goes away? What happens when it’s just you? These questions don’t have answers, but Chameleon asks them anyway and puts a fun beat to it while it rips your heart out.

Song 6 - Distance

Distance is another song with an incredibly fun rhythm to it that punches you in the face with the lyrics. I boxed to this song recently and it’s perfect for a high energy/fast boxing session but it also has lyrics that break my heart in half. “I’ve been treading water for so long / It feels like I might just give up” – another set of lines that pulls an emotion I have felt for my whole life right out of my brain when I didn’t have the words for it. This is a song that I pick up on a little more each time I listen; different lyrics will stand out, or different ways that the instrumentals hit will pop to the forefront of my listen. One thing that I always think about is how this song feels like a race. You can feel the distance growing and growing as the race is run but you’re so far behind the song. You’re so far behind everyone else, and that’s what the song is trying to do. Athan has managed to space the chorus and verses in a way that it feels anticipatory, like you’re waiting to catch up to what is being said. “The distance it feels like it’s growing / but I will not grow”; the instrumentals perfectly make you feel that line in the pit of your chest, growing and crashing over you before simplifying during the verses as though Athan can’t keep up with the instrumentals themselves.

Song 7 - Moon

Moon starts out with these lovely and light instrumentals and soft singing that make you feel like it’s a love song until you listen to it. In some ways it is a love song, but the root of the song itself is actually in insecurity, selfishness, and feeling that you aren’t enough for the person you care about. “I’ve been staring at the moon and it feels like / I don’t need you for forever, just for the night / I don’t care if it’s only temporary / I’d rather be happy for a moment of your time” – This section of the song is the chorus and it starts and ends the song as this beautiful mirroring that misses all of the turmoil that lies in between them. There is a point in this song where everything drops and that sense of insecurity and fear and darkness seeps all the way into the lyrics. You may not know this by looking at him, but Athan can scream just as well as any metal artist out there. And you might not expect this song that I described up top to have screaming in it, but it does and it hits so incredibly well. There are a variety of different talents that Athan shows off with this album; screaming just happens to be one. It adds to the depth and darkness of this section before it flips back into the light and lovely chorus that rounds out the song as if that drop never happened at all. It’s a beautiful song that uses its catchy chorus and light beat to lull you into a false sense of security so when everything drops it hits that much harder.

Song 8 - DNR

This is another one of my favorite songs on Side A. It’s one of my favorite songs on the whole album. The first time I saw the title I thought to myself “DNR as in… Do not resuscitate? Or is this going to stand for something else– Nope! Do not resuscitate, cool cool cool.” This is one of the many songs that made me say “Jesus fucking christ Athan” out loud in my room while listening. And yet these darker tones to the song are part of the reason I love it so much. It’s a song about death that doesn’t feel like it’s about death. Sure, the words “Do not resuscitate me” are kind of blatantly obvious in their being about death; but the instrumentals and beat of the song itself are very fun and punchy. It starts out with these lightly strummed guitar notes that pair perfectly with Athan’s gentle singing and then it grows into something that decides it wants to hurt you in the best way. I also need to be a Classics major on main again and talk about the line “I can feel the coins of gold and silver resting on my eyes” because it’s one of those lines that just constantly sticks in my brain. Athan is ready to pay the ferryman to take him to the Underworld; it’s a nice little reference that makes me so happy I have cast him in a mythology themed podcast.

Song 9 - Break

It’s time to talk about horns! As in the instrument, not as in the thing on animals/demons/etc. You don’t expect them to show up and when they do you’re there like “Hell yeah horns!” Now you may be wondering why I am bringing this up now and all I will say for now is: it’s about the parallelism. But until we get to that part, let’s talk about the lyrics for this song because they do severe emotional damage to me. As I’ve said many times at this point, Athan is absolutely masterful at lyrics and relatability; this song is no exception. This whole album has a tone of parallelism from Side A to Side B, but this song in particular also parallels itself nicely. The first verse serves as a groundwork for the second verse to flip in answering. “Well I think you may have had it right / I’m tired of living in this life” versus “Well I think I may have had it wrong / Maybe I’m right where I belong”; “Mentally, I don’t think I can feel anything” versus “And yet I feel everything”. The way Athan’s lyrics speak to each other always ends up squeezing my heart in ways that are hard to put into words. Which might seem surprising given how long this is. The emotionality of it all feels so real because it is real. Athan has said time and time again that this is a very personal project for him and it bleeds into every second of the music in the best way imaginable.

Song 10 - Persephone

We’ve reached what might be my favorite song on the album. It’s definitely my favorite song on Side A. This song is slow and soft and dark and beautiful; it is the musical equivalent of the John Everett Millais painting Ophelia. “Lay me down in the flower bed / Let it pull me undertow / I feel the darkness close around me / But I kinda like it though”. Something I haven’t talked about much yet is Athan’s vocals. Not only is he writing absolutely stunning lyrics and putting together these songs with a wide variety of different feels to them, he’s also an incredible vocalist. His vocals on Persephone are part of the reason I love this so much; there’s a point where his voice breaks just the slightest bit and it makes the song feel so much more real and poignant. It squeezes my heart in the best imaginable way. This song also includes a medley of all of the songs on side A which is absolutely stunning. The way the medley allows the different songs to speak to each other and in response to each other creates this beautiful picture of everything that came so far.

Song 11 - Diáleimma

We’ve officially reached the end of Side A! This song is the shortest on the album and also one of the most beautiful in my opinion. It represents the transition point between the two sides of this story; from pain and loss and regret into growth and love and recovery. The through line of the song is this idea that “I gotta be a better me”. The song itself is slow, almost reflective in the way it’s presented; it’s as if the song itself is thinking about how it is being perceived and is striving to be better. Diáleimma closes this chapter of the story, turning the page for us as it does so.

Before we move on to Side B, we’re going to take a brief moment to talk about the album art for Limbo. It was painted by NataliesDreaming, who also happens to be Athan’s wife. Natalie is an incredibly talented artist and has produced an absolutely gorgeous cover for the album. The colors used feel like an extension of the songs themselves, tapping into the hope that grows throughout the album. Natalie’s work also allows you to feel the movement of falling; everything about it is absolutely stunning. This has been the brief intermission to talk about the album art and also to say that Natalie is super cool. Back to the album!

Song 12 - AmIDoingThisRight

Athan opens the second half of the album on an unanswerable question: AmIDoingThisRight? As we discussed previously, this is an album in parallels. If Limbo is about being stuck, AmIDoingThisRight is about trying to get yourself unstuck and the fear that still comes with that. You never know in life if you are doing things right, if the decisions you are making are the ones that you need to make. The bridge of this song lives rent free in my mind: “Cause I don’t think I appreciate everyone in front of me now / And I don’t think I recognize everything that’s detrimental to my health”. The voice modulation Athan does on that part specifically is so fucking good.

Song 13 - Pocket

Pocket is one of my favorite songs on Side B (You’ll be seeing this phrase a lot coming up because I love so many songs). It’s a song about addiction and relapse which punches into that idea of relatability again. As someone who has struggled with self harm (albeit in a different way than Athan has) this song reached into my heart and pulled me back to my relapse, but in a way that felt healing rather than concerning. It’s a sad song that disguises itself as a soft song but it’s so beautifully done. The chorus makes me feel every emotion under the sun: “I feel so low / I swore that I’d let it go / It’s not a broken promise / I don’t know, I found it in my pocket babe”. This song feels so close to my heart in ways I cannot explain so I won’t try to. I will simply tell you that this song is beautiful and heart-squeezing.

Song 14 - (Good) Goodbye

Athan shared the context of this song and it punched me in the face. This song parallels The Valley and takes that song about family to a more heartbreaking level. One of my favorite lines from this song is “I’m so scared that my last memories / Will be made from my bad days”. Again, it’s about the relatability; that fear is very real, especially when dealing with family while depressed. The pain from Side A still stays in Side B, it just gets grown around and expanded upon to let the hope into it. (Good) Goodbye works very well with this idea; it’s a song that hurts but also leaves room to heal.

Song 15 - Feel It In My Chest

Another one of my favorite songs on Side B! It is the first song on the album to make me cry; if you know me, you know that that is surprising since I cry at most things. “But your soul is destructive / And you’re gonna end up alone” did lasting damage to me personally and I did cry about it. Despite that, this song is hopeful and full of love. It parallels WhatDoIDo and the answer to that question appears to be: you love anyway. “Feel it in my heart / Feel you in my soul / Held you in my hands / The greatest thing to hold”. The first half of the album feels like someone struggling on their own whereas Side B feels like someone learning how to open up and ask for help. Feel It In My Chest feels like opening up despite the fear of it all; the fear of ending up alone doesn’t outweigh the love that can be found with someone.

Song 16 - Concealer

Concealer is one of my favorite songs on the album. It also punches me in the chest in ways that make me cry. This song parallels Chameleon and both songs are about the masks that people put on. Where Chameleon asks how to be someone without the influence of another person, Concealer asks how much of yourself do you need to hide to get help. “I’m struggling / Under the weight / Well I don’t know how much more I can take. / Could fade into the ether / Or maybe I’ll wear concealer now”. The way Athan sings “I don’t know how much more I can take” haunts me in the best way possible. It’s raw and real and it hurts so incredibly. The instrumentals on this are light and soft so the weight of the lyrics can fully sink into your bones. It’s a beautiful song that makes room around the pain to facilitate growth.

Song 17 - Growing Pains

Growing Pains has sections of whispering which honestly make me uncomfortable but in a good way. It’s partially the misophonia of it all, but it’s also just the pain of it all. It is, as it says, growing pains. It’s the growth that Concealer made room for, the space needed to heal and become more. “Why the fuck am I comparing / All the lights in the distance to yours? / You’re all I need” – Remember how I mentioned the idea of Side B being about learning how to ask for help? This song helps to dig into that idea; it’s a form of growing. The instrumentals of this song are light and airy and a little spacey; I’m fully obsessed with them.

Song 18 - Inside

The parallelism between Moon and Inside is some of my favorites. Moon is a sad song disguised as a love song; Inside is a love song disguised as a sad song. “Well maybe it’s supposed to hurt / This love it feels like work / But fuck it I know; it’s worth it to grow / Into the dirt”. This song is enhanced by the fact that Natalie (the aforementioned artist and also Athan’s wife) is also featured on the track. Athan has said that this is the first duet they’ve recorded together and it’s absolutely gorgeous. Their voices compliment each other so nicely and Natalie has a lovely singing voice. You can feel the love that they have for each other in the song, even in the sadder lyrics of it all. This brings me back to the parallelism: Moon is about something temporary, something that is thought not to last. Inside is about someone who has stayed, someone who will stay and will help and will always be there. It brings the hope back into this story because it proves that people stay. That help can be given.

Song 19 - Motionsick

This song has a lot of religious symbolism that I fully missed until Athan mentioned that it had religious symbolism. And once I had that context, all of the plays on words and phrases were just. So incredibly well done. “Why don’t I know you / Why don’t I know you anymore? / Why, why, try? / I fight this devotion Feels like I’m motion sick” – You might look at that and go “Pine, that’s pretty obvious isn’t it?” To which I say yes, it is, I just missed it because me and religion haven’t exactly gotten on very well. This also has a parallel I love with it’s Side A counterpart DNR: “I’m throwing punches / Battle what’s inside of me” in DNR which becomes “I’m boxing with my shadow but I keep on landing punches / It seems I like to bruise” and this does things to my brain that I cannot stop feeling.

Song 20 - Bend

And we have reached the other contender for my favorite song on the album! This is my favorite song on Side B for sure, but I cannot figure out if Bend or Persephone is my favorite. Bend is such a hopeful song; it’s bright and beautiful and we’re back to the horns! Athan played the horns for Bend and they are always always in my mind. He didn’t play the horns on Break (this song’s counterpart) but that’s okay because he has played the brighter version of the horns and I’m obsessed with them. This song rounds out that idea of learning to ask for help even when– or perhaps especially when– it’s difficult. “Opening up doesn’t come easy for me / For me now / But I gotta learn how / Cause I don’t think I can help myself up tonight” – a line that perfectly encapsulates that idea. Part of the reason this song ends up feeling as bright and hopeful as it does is because it tells you that when you ask for help it will be given– “Oh, I know that it might have been a bad fall / But you’ll be there to catch me at the bottom after all”. This song has only been in my life for a week but it has made a home in my heart that it is never going to leave. It means so much to me already and it’s absolutely gorgeous.

Song 21 - ESC

ESC has a very space-y vibe that feels like it is built for escape. The entire song feels like it is floating and then the lyrics pull you back down to earth again. It’s one of the shorter songs on the album, but it has a gentle beauty to it that leaves it lingering in my mind. “And I’ll fall / Down in insecurities/ I; I’m buried in shit surrounding me” is another one of those lines that really does things to me as someone who has been depressed for most of my life. That’s one of the most beautiful things about Athan’s music: short, beautiful lines that can make anyone feel connected to them.

Song 22 - Telos

And we return to the line introduced at the end of Side A: “I gotta be a better me”. Where in Diáleimma it feels like a judgement, like an impossible command, in Telos it feels like it’s something that is just around the corner, almost within grasp. Telos is bright and full of life as opposed to the darkness of Diáleimma. They compliment each other so well– as was Athan’s design. It also includes another medley of things from the entire album and it’s incredibly fun. It’s the perfect way to round out the main portion of the album– it closes the story and feels like a celebration of the whole album. And it’s an album very much worth celebrating.

Song 23 - Chronic (Piano Version)

You get a brief reprieve from my ridiculous amount of words since this one is a piano cover. It’s a very beautiful version of the song though.

Song 24 - Intertwined (Acoustic)

This is an acoustic version of one of Athan’s older songs. It has beautiful instrumentals and lyrics that feel like they grew into some of the songs that are on the album as a whole. Athan didn’t put the lyrics on Bandcamp so I can’t pull examples for you but trust me they’re good.

Song 25 - Chronic (House Version)

There’s not much that I can say about this version that I hadn’t said about Chronic originally. But it is a fun additional version!

Song 26 - Hallelujah (feat. The Grotto)

This is one of my favorite versions of Hallelujah that I have ever heard in my life. The style is different from the other songs on the album, but fits perfectly into the music that Athan did for his podcast The Grotto. The Grotto is a liminal horror podcast about grief and it is absolutely incredible. The reason that this song is listed as ‘feat. The Grotto’ is partially because it’s Athan using that style of music but also because he included some of his screams from The Grotto in it. Don’t look too closely at why he was screaming. It’s not important. But this version of the song– because of the style that it’s done in– feels so unique and has a depth to it that can only be achieved in this medium. Athan had originally released it for The Grotto patreon and I listened to it after a bit of an emotional breakdown. It is as close to a religious experience as I am capable of experiencing. Hallelujah is the only cover Athan has on Limbo– he does more covers for The Grotto which are also excellent. Of all of the covers that he could’ve included, this one feels like the perfect fit. It mixes with the content of the songs Athan has written so well and showcases another style that he is able to pull off.

Song 27 - Bend (Acoustic)

Athan called it the acoustic version but I think of it as the silly version. There is a levity to the song that is palpable– it feels like a test run of the song but in the best way possible. It also gives a bit of insight into what the process of creation was like for Athan. In the original version of Bend, there is the line “I don’t think I will reach thirty if I’m lucky now”; the acoustic version follows up with Athan laughing at the fact that he’s much closer to 30 than he was when he wrote that. “I’m so glad to be alive”, a small little bit of this version but such a big change from the original words that were written. If you couldn’t tell by the amount of words I’ve put into this, I’m also glad Athan is alive. He’s written absolutely incredible music that he has shared with the world despite (or perhaps because of) the intense emotional weight of the content.

Limbo is an album that longs. It grieves. But it also hopes. It hopes so much and shows that healing and recovery are possible. Athan spent three years working on Limbo and now it’s here; it exists in the world to be listened to and shared and written about and loved. This album has so much heart to it. The lyrics are beautiful, the instrumentals brilliantly crafted, and the vocals are stunning. It is an album that deserves to be spoken about in depth. It’s an album that deserves your time and attention. As far as debut albums go, this album showcases so much of what Athan can do while still leaving room for growth and new ways for him to surprise and delight anyone who is listening to his music. It also punches directly into the heart in the most amazing way, letting you know exactly what he can do with music moving forward. I feel very fortunate to be able to listen to this album and to know that I will be following along with whatever else Athan will be doing next. I’m also fortunate enough to get to collaborate with Athan on projects– he’ll be in my next podcast and I will also be paying him to do music for the show. Getting to work with someone so talented is a wild feeling, but I’m so excited for it.

Thank you for joining me on this very long, very in depth review of Limbo. I hope you’ve enjoyed it and I hope you enjoy the album!

#I may have gone a little more feral than intended with this #Several thousand words more feral #This is five thousand words #this album is just that good #athansmusic #he's the dude who did The Grotto!#pine throws thoughts into the void of tumblr #im pinning this because i need everyone to listen to this #long post

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vampiiriic · 4 months

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Me when my everything hurts disorder makes everything hurt

👁👄👁

#chronic pain #disabled #chronic illness #chronically ill #bechets disease #bechets #athan time

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thetwilightroadtonightfall · 2 months

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More blorbo family because they give me serotonin 🥰

⚠️ Overmorrow spoilers!

mini breakdown of the Ophiuchus—Athan-Askr kiddos:

The kiddo trio’s been tweaked slightly for Overmorrow-verse compared to the first time I drew them, but not much has changed!

oh and here are their parents! (founders, masters, lovers, lifelong roommates, goobers, etc etc etc):

(They’re in their mid-30s but sometimes they still act half their age 😊)

If you wish, you can read a bit more about em in File 9 of the OCLF, the What happens next? document

#overmorrow #my fics #my art #ephemer #my ocs #the ophiuchus family tree #charis oc #aeon oc #clio oc #mori oc #I’m squishing them! all of them!#my posts #seeker and finder

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dr-scribbler · 11 months

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Thuyil - Kundavai & Vanthiyadevan Oneshot

As the fingers counted the dates and lips worded out the month, Ilavarasi currently standing before a mirror and trying to see if she looks any different.

'Aavani(Tamil month that comes in the middle of English month July to August) 15' A small hopeful smile formed on the lotus shade lips. Kundavai smiled and affectionately caressed her stomach, no one is allowed in as she wanted to confirm herself before she made it official.

As many thoughts ran into her mind as she remembered her wedding night, the night of bliss, the night of union, the night of love and passion.

Three months back

'My Ilavarasiye, why are you playing games with me on our wedding night?' Vandiyadevan smiled cheekily as he walked around the gardens trying to find Kundavai. They are currently in Pazhayarai Palace, and this place holds so many memories for both of them.

Kundavai who is currently behind a tree laughed softly trying not to make much noise and spoke from where she is hiding 'Kamsa Raja ennai sirai pidika porrergala(Has Kamsa Raja going to arrest me?)' She said and fled toward the lake where her boat currently resides. As she went into that and saw Vandiyadevan running towards the tree she was hiding before.

'Athan intha Kamsan anre Uyirai samarpithuvitan than Ilavarasikaga. Nyabagam illaya (This Kamsan already pledged his life to his princess! Don't you remember?)' Vandiyadevan asked and saw a large boat in the lake, and he smiles and went to get into that.

And just like the first time, he saw he standing at the edge where the moon shines straight above her making her look like Indira lokha Mangai or even more beautiful than anyone ever could describe.

'En Ilavarasiye' Vandiyadevan and went near her.

'Adada what a surprise! Arakan has transformed into my husband' Kundavai said and laughed. Both their laughter filled the place and the fireflies fly around them creating magic in the air. As they both moved closer to each other until they were able to feel their breath hitting each other's face.

'Are we going to play hide and seek from now on?' Vandiyadevan asked and he softly moved her small piece of hair behind her ear and caressed her cheeks which are smeared with her blush. Who would know that the ever-intelligent and strong princess could able to be swooned by this Spy who captured her heart?

'Well you have already pledged your life to me and it's my decision whether to play with it or not' Kundavai replied and closed her eyes, she enjoyed his touch as much as he is enjoying being near her.

'Uyir Ungaludayadhu Devi' He replied and captured her lips softly. Both their lips molded perfectly, like a moth attracts to the fire their lips couldn't give a break. As the cold breeze swiped over them their hands found a way to undo the jewels and the clothing came apart. The night ignites their love and passion like a wildfire that doesn't seems to be off and only consumed more and more.

Everyone knows that Vandiyadevan is a skillful warrior and Kundavai now can able to feel it as he worked his hands on her body, she sang melody through the air. Kundavai doesn't know that lovemaking can be this pleasureful act nor she had done this before. She wondered if it was just her husband's way of letting her feel this way. As she reached the peak her cries were muffled by the lips of the warrior, who did wonders for her, he worshipped her body like it was the most purest thing ever. Her hands found their way to his shoulder, as she claws it out to mark the passion wounds.

As both of them lay there with her head against his head and naked as one born day, The moon shines above them indicating the night is still young. As Vandiyadevan softly combed his finger through her silky hair he felt her smile against his chest. Who knew that he would be the one to gaze at the moon with the princes blushing against him?

'Thuyil kol en Kanamma(Sleep my Kanamma)' He said and kissed her forehead, just like he said the fish-like eyes closed to welcome the deep slumber as she embraced his chest and he smiled and gazed at his love with so much emotion.

Current day

A shy smile erupted at the thought of their first night and Kundavai giggled at that. It is weird for her to act all girlish, but her love is making her feel everything all at once. She waited long enough to confirm that she is with the child and finally, it all came together, her periods are late, and for the last two months. But she still has to confirm with Raja Vadhiyar but it's damn sure she is with the child. Before the Vaidyar she wants her husband to know this and tonight it will happen.

As today is Krishna Jayanthi and everyone is currently at Pazahyarai Palace where they would normally listen to songs and drama for the day.

As she got ready and slowly walked out to find her love standing patiently at the door, as soon as he saw her his smile shines through the palace.

'Krishan kathai kekay selvoma?(Shall we leave and listen to Krishna Katha)' He asked and she nodded. The pair went hand in hand and got blessings from her grandmother as they sat next to each other. Kundavai silently prayed as they watched the drama that unfolds before them showcasing Krishna with Yasodha. The smile on Kundavai's face widen as she always loved hearing this story. The love of a mother and even though her child is not out yet she can now feel the bond.

But her smile from her face vanished and fear took over them. She felt a trickle of liquid touching her thighs and an uneasy feeling crept into her stomach. She looked at Vandiyadevan as he is now chatting with Senthan Amuthan.

'Patti please excuse me' She said and hurriedly but yet carefully went to her room without causing much havoc. As Vandiyadevan looked next to him only to find it empty he raised an eyebrow. He excused himself and went to find his ilavarasi.

As Kundavai got to her room and ordered not to allow anyone until she say so to her helpers. She hurriedly went to the back room and touched her inner thighs, and as she took out her hand it is smeared with blood. A gasp left her mouth and a small whimper came next. Just like their mother Ponni Nandhi, her tears are flowing down south with so much pain.

Why this is happening to her? This is supposed to be a happy day and how she planned to disclose this with her love. Their baby, her baby is gone and now this is all she is left with. She used the other hand to close her mouth letting her muffled cries be heard lowly, She doesn't want others to see her like this, no not in this state. This is the day of happiness and she doesn't want others to go through what she is going through. And if the news of her miscarriage went out it would cause many speculations.

As she sat there with her blood flowing down her thighs Vandiyadevan entered and saw the state his love was currently in. Bloody hands and bloody thighs exposed how she is in making him realize the situation. He silently sat next to her and just like always caressed her hair in a way saying that they will be fine, they will go through it. And just like that she cried out a river as she couldn't hold in any longer.

'Shh shh it's ok my Kanamma, I am here, I will be always here' He said and hugged her.

2 years later

'Have you noticed how our Ilavarasi is becoming more beautiful day by day' Said one woman

'Yes I have noticed, but what is the use of beauty if one remains barren' Venba said to another woman.

'What are you talking Madhi? You know if any royals heard you say that, they will have your head' Said Sandhya who is currently collecting flowers for the evening.

'Why would they? I am not saying any false information, I am just pointing out the fact right?' Madhi said and looked at Venba.

'She is our Ilavarai and we should make sure she is happy' Venba said calmly and shook her head at her friend and helping hand.

'But I am worried about our Ilavarasi, As she got married way before her brother and our Ilavarasar Ponniyin Selvar, but she does not yet birthed any children nor impregnated successfully' Madhis words made Venba think, it is true whatever her friend said and Chola Desam is yet to receive jewel from their beloved Ilavarasi.

The people of Chola desam went ecstatic when Ponniyin Selvar announced the new baby Prince who is named Rajendra Cholan born 6 moons before. A healthy baby boy was birthed by Kodambalur Princess Vaanathi. But it only made people question why Ilavarai Kundavai didn't yet get pregnant.

Many accused Ilavarai's marriage to Commander Vallavaran Vanthiyadevan is just for political agenda and the princess is cursed to have children that's why for name sake she married but still resides in Thanjai rather than to take the Magadai kingdom. But many praised the princess for the bold move and thanked that she chose the Chola kingdom always.

As the two women vent out their thoughts it's been heard by the one whose eyes never shed tears for many matters are now filled with salty tears. Ilavarasi of Chola desam Kundhavai Pirattiyar

As she heard those words she felt like a knife piercing through her skin. It is true though that she couldn't able to get pregnant after trying several times. It's like the gods are punishing her for separating Aditha and Nandhini. It's like she is cursed to not have her own children.

As she aimlessly walked she found herself at the doors of her standing there and watching the 6-month-old baby laughing, her Nephew, her brother's son, her best friend's son. A smile erupted at the sight of seeing the baby trying to roll over. As she went near and stood next to Vanathi who smiled at her Akka. But Kundavai could able to feel some eyes on her and that's not exactly a good feeling. Some of Vanathi's mother's side people are here and all she felt while around them is judgemental.

'Akka, why don't you hold your Marumagan, 'cause he never listens to me' Vanathi said and held out the beautiful baby boy to Kundavai who laughed it out and held him as if he is her dear life. The baby's soft skin made her heart flutter, as those big eyes watched her with so much love. As Kundavai pressed a tight kiss on her nephew's cheeks, all her worries disappeared. But a good thing doesn't last forever. She can able to hear the murmuring of the people surrounding them. Before no one dared to talk in front of her but now they got an escape route to make her feel like hell.

'It's not good for the baby' A light voice said and another one said 'What if something happens to the boy, she doesn't even have one' another said. As she heard those words she started to feel that if its true, maybe she is cursed.

'Vanathi, here hold your baby, I have to be somewhere' Kundavai said and fled from the place. But Vanathi knows that's not the truth. As Kundavai dashes out, She even went passed her brother and her husband on the way out and not caring about anything. Arulmozhi nodded his head at Vandiyadevan as he went to console his wife.

In their room, Kundavai stood on her balcony and glanced at the once luxurious green tree now fading and in the process of dying out, the same as the state she is in.

Feather-like hands touched her shoulder and she knew exactly who it is, as her mouth let out an angst cry that she ever did, and as she hugged her husband who is in the same state as she is minus the crying. Both of them prayed to all the gods to let this situation be different, Vandiyadevan wants his wife, his princess to be happy and he is mad at himself for not being able to give her a child.

'Kanamma, My Kanamma. Look at me' He said and her red glassy eyes looked at him with so many emotions. 'I know you are hurting, and I hope we don't have to go through this, but unfortunately, we had to. But remember I am here, treat me as your child to which I always care for you so that you don't have to worry about what others said. My Kanne, you know I can't live to see tears in your eyes. You are strong, intelligent, and more importantly, this Chola desams treasure. Why are you sad about things others are saying Vandiyadevan softly said to her kissing her eyelids as he spoke each word.

Calmness took over Ilayya Piratti who was going to so much in the last three years. First her elder brother's death and then her losing her unborn child along with a couple of miscarriages. Her body and mind couldn't take it.

'Maybe it's because of the sin I have committed. Maybe it's the way of god letting me know that what I did to Nandhini is wrong. And how I punished her for being an orphan is wrong' Her words made Vandiyadevan think about his Ilavarasar who he misses every other day. But to see his wife in his state he couldn't help but make sure that none of them knew what the future held and none of them planned anything.

'You did nothing wrong, you put the Chola Desam people before anything and their safety as your first priority.' He said and wiped her tears.

'Anal nirantha un Nenjai

Un Thuyilal pokuga' He sang those words again and again.

But the privacy is cut short when soft footsteps approach them. As they both looked behind them to see Prince Arunmozhi and Princess Vanathi who is currently standing with tears matching her Akka's eyes.

'Akka, you have lied to me' Vanathi accused Kundavai to which others looked shocked and clueless.

'I lied to you? What are you talking about Vanathi?' Kundavai asked as she straighten out her posture.

'Yes! you did. You said I am like your sister and best friend and my son is your son. But you are experiencing this pain even without letting me in to able to be with you. Why Akka? Am I a stranger or am I not close to you?' Vanthai's words made others smile sadly and Kundavai smiled at her best friend now sister-in-law with so much love.

'Why you gave back Rajendran to me, while you want to hold him?' Vanathi's question made Kundavai take sharp breaths.

'I am barren Vanathi and I don't want any evil to fall upon my Marumagan' Kundavai told to which Vanathi laughed.

'Akka, Did you remember how back then everyone said I am bad luck and how cursed I am the cause of my life? But did you make me feel that way? Aren't you the one who loved me unconditionally and made sure that your brother marries me? Then how come you are thinking like this?' Vanathi asked as neared Kundavai. Arunmozhi nodded his head at Vandiyadevan and went near to them.

'You are my Akka, and you are the one that guided me to who I am today, If my son got the same thing from you we don't need any other blessing. And if anyone dared to point out or said you are cursed then I think they are too blind to see what a blessing you are to our life' Arunmozhi said and hugged his sister. Vanathi held out the baby to Kundavai who went in to hug him to her chest.

'My sweet Marumagane, I love you so much, don't ever forget that, your Athai loves you' she said and kissed the boy as the baby giggled. That moment is the foundation of the Chola desam's next king who will be raised by his Aunt and would receive all the guidance under her and his family.

@whippersnappersbookworm @harinishivaa @thelekhikawrites @willkatfanfromasia @yehshuhua @arachneofthoughts @vibishalakshman @chiyaanvikram @nspwriteups @thirst4light @hollogramhallucination @celestesinsight @curiousgalacticsoul

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witchmd13 · 1 month

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the sound i miss most from home is the sound of athan. it's one thing to get a notification on my phone that's time to pray and another to hear the athan calling for prayer on speakers from the mosque every time

#the spirituality of the whole ritual is something so special

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l-lenny · 1 year

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Bet you can´t woo her of her feet! (pt. 1)

Fred Weasley x Slytherin! reader PART 1

SERIES MASTERLIST

TW: reader cursed, but other than that I hope none :3 (also not proof read and english is not my first language)

My first FF hope you will like it! -Lenny ________________________________________________________________ Power. Pure blood. Beauty. Smart. Cunning. Dangerous.

Those were the words to describe her and the family of Ravens. Everybody knew the rich family of mighty merchants and dealers of magic relics, goods and fauna. They were well respected as they can get almost anything from anyone or anywhere. Their whole business is based on finding the impossible. The family had long tradition of maintaining this business. The founding father of the “Raven´s goods” Wolfe Killian Raven build great name for next generations to follow. His son and daughter Goran Azriel and Aurelia Sybil Ravens took over the bussines after their fathers death and expanded the goods to fauna and relics too. Next owner become Aurelia´s son Calder Eliphas Raven, who was the last to own the shop before his daughter Lilith Ursa Raven took over with her husband. Thanks to Lilith and Athan the business took sky high popularity. Now the shop is one of the best places to get anything and everything you wish for.

At King´s cross station stood, on platform 9 ¾ stood many young witches and wizards, waiting for the train to Hogwarts. Y/n Indigo Raven, the eldest daughter of the mighty Ravens was there waiting with her parents. Her younger brother Darius Wolfe and his twin sister Opal Estelle hugging her legs crying and already missing their sister. “Be sure to enjoy yourself.” Her father said. Y/n smiled and nodded. “Sure will!” Her mother placed hand on her head and said “We have to go to the shop soon.” The eldest daughter knew that, she was expecting this after all. Her parents were always about business. “I know, it is to make your business grow.” Her mother smiled proudly. “Of course! Smart and correct as always. I know you will be in Raven claw like me. ” she added patting her hair. The toddlers finally let her go from their big hug. Her parents bid their eldest daughter last goodbye and left with the small twins. As the girl went to the train she sit down in one of the coupes. With opened book she was going to enjoy her favorite novel and peaceful moment, when one loud girl came to the coupe. “Hi! Can I sit here?” The girl wasn´t even waiting to her answer as the silver-hair made herself comfortable. Y/n closed the book rather loudly and looked at the girls. “And who you might be?” she asked. Honestly she was interested in the loud and kinda obnoxious girl. “I am Orleana.” said the girl in front of Y/n. The eldest daughter of Ravens nodded and gave them a small smile. “You can call me Y/n.”

It wasn´t even full week in the school and Y/n was looking around each corner of Hogwarts just to memorize everything in the school. She was quick to realize where most of the ingredients for potions were and where teachers had their notes stored. The eldest daughter of Raven family was going to be continuing the family legacy. She decided that it would be beneficial. And oportunity stroke in few days, when she heard two redheads talk about getting wolf´s fangs of a prank. “-have to get a wolf´s fangs George!” said one to the other. Y/n stayed hidden and listen to the voices. “Fred, where would we found a wolf´s fangs now?! You should have told me before!” said the other voice. Y/n was in fact aware where to get them. She actually got them from supply cabinet for her experiment. “I can help you with that.” She said as she revealed herself. There were two boys in front of her eyes. Twins with flaming hair and red ties. “Bloody hell did it had to be slytherin who cought us?” Cursed one of them. “I said I would help you, right?” the girl folded her arms and smirked. “Why?” asked the boys at the same time. “I want to start a business. I am sure I could find a way to get you anything! But anything has a prize right?” She stated. The boys looked at each other and asked suspiciously “Anything?” they asked at the same time. “like ingredients?” asked Fred. “like test answers?” asked George. “like information?” asked Fred again. “like esseys?” asked George again. While the girl nodded. “Yes to all of that. I can find anything! Just like my mom and dad. They own the Raven´s goods after all” said little girl with confidence and showed them her palm full of their desired ingredient. The twins jaws dropped. This was deal of the century! Still they were sceptical about her motive because she was a slytherin. But in the moment they agreed. “What do you want for the wolf´s fangs?” they asked. “Because you are my first costumers I will get you a good deal. Spread a word around, that I can get anything for anyone and we will be even.”

Trough the years her clientele enormously grew. She was treated with more respect then before. Eaven royalty would be jealous. She was pride of her class. Everyone in the school knew who she was and why she was famous, although no one dared to tell the teachers. But the rumors were spread that even teachers asked for things of her small bussiness. She grew into a dealer with incredible skills and respect of others. One of her regular costumers were her first costumers, the Weasley twins. And she was getting more busy by the day, specifically around exam period. Every house would want something around this time, even if they would be suspicious of her. She also grew into intelligent, witty, kinda smug, brilliant and beautiful witch. Y/n did get a lot of admirers through the years, but everyone of them stayed hidden in the shadows in fear of rejection or her wrath.

________________________________________________________________

“Of course I am the more handsome twin!” Argued Fred. “Says who?” deadpanned the younger twin. “Says me!” Yelled the older Weasley twin. “What are you two arguing about?” asked Angelina, obviously annoyed with her friends, who had been very loud this morning. They weren't mad at each other, just brotherly bickering. Angelina seemed mad at them, because they have been very loud and obnoxious, more than usual. “About who is more handsome.” Said Fred and looked the girl in the eye. “Say, Angie... the one and only Angelina with joyful eyes and blinding smile, I am the more handsome twin, right?” He winked at her and the girl blused. “Come on mate! Not fair.” Pouted George and slap his brother on his shoulder. Obviously pointing at the fact that Angelina did fancy Fred. With quick “shut up, I don´t know” the girl returned to her food, small smile on her lips. “Let´s make a bet then!” Offered George. Confident in his new brilliant idea. “The first girl we see come to the great hall you will try to win over. If you woo her of her feet I will publicly announce that you are the more attractive twin.” George explained. Fred smirked and shake hands with his brother. “You are going to loose! 5 galleons on top that.” Stated the older ginger, smiling and agreeing on the terms.

Both of the twins were waiting for a girl to come trough door in great hall. And than the loud bang came though the door and there walked very pissed girl with the most beautiful eyes. Both of the twins knew her. The slytherin pride and joy, treated as royalty, filthy rich and powerful girl Y/n Indigo Raven. They were both so dead if caught!

She was fuming and giving death stare towards a slytherin table. She stormed towards Adrian Pucey avadake davra written in her firing gaze. “Adrian bloody Pucey!” The boy in question turned to her, visibly shaken. “Can you explain yourself?!” She showed a book in his face. Fred and George were enjoying the show and then again, the thought of seducing this firecracker settled in. “You are so dead...” George said. It wasn´t a fact that they would be scared, more that they did kinda respected her. And for the twins to respect someone means something. “Why in the bloody hell would you do this?” The girl screamed in his face. “Come on! I know you love the idea-” the boy was quickly shushed by the girl´s finger. “Don´t fuck with me Pucey! I loathe the idea of being with you in the same house, room and universe… isn't it enough that we share the same oxygen?! ” she said with a freezing tone. The boy swallowed hard and shifted in his seat. After this the girl left and after her there was Orleana. Fred and George were looking at each other in shock.

“How much time do I have?” Asked the older ginger. “Dunno mate. How about a month?” Suggested the younger one. “Deal” they said at the same time. George was curious though “How will you make her fall for you?” he asked. The older boy smirked, already forming a plan. “You will see my dear brother.”

________________________________________________________________

“Y/n!” yelled rather short girl with shiny, curly silver hair. Said girl stopped and looked at her friend. “Yea?” she asked plainly. “What happened? You just said you would look for your potions book! Not that you would yell at Adrian!” Orleana started asking about the debacle in great hall. That morning before the breakfast Y/n forgot her potions book and returned to her room to look for it. How ever when someone messes with her stuff, she can´t forgive them that easily. “He wrote in my book without my knowledge or permission, see?” Y/n showed her potions book. In fact there was a writing that wasn't hers. “Go out with me. Tomorrow at Hogsmeade. -Yours Adrian” when the words left the shorter girls mouth she made discussed face. “He didn´t even asked you?! It´s like he orderd you to do it.” she was fuming now. “I will break his nose.” That made Y/n´s day a bit better. She didn’t like Adrian Pucey at all. She didn´t even spoke to him that much. Yet he had the audacity to write in her book. “Orle, you can´t...you will get yourself in detention. I will not go trough the dark forest again just to get your ass out of trouble.” smiled the taller girl. “You go there on daily basis!” pouted the silverhead. “But that's because its for my costumers! You know, the ones that actually pay?” argued Y/n in a mocking maner. “Hey! I said I will pay you when my dad will give me back my allowance.” Orleana pouted more, while the girl in front of her giggled. ________________________________________________________________

PART 2: here PS: Orleana is just my OC :)

#harry potter #fred weasley x slytherin!reader #fred wealsey fic #fred weasley #fred weasly x reader #harry potter ff #fanfic #fanfiction #y/n #fred x y/n #fred x you #fred weasley x you #fred weasley x y/n #hp #hp golden era #bet #bet trope #writing

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