#at which point I was like ''okay but you're choosing not to act on that and to take a step back and do something healthier instead
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CW: Mentions of physical violence and weapons.
"I am thinking I want a tattoo"
Remus felt happy and warm even if was winter, almost Christmas. Remus was feeling the festive mood for the first time. Besides the cold, besides the fact he had been robbed, that he didn't have a phone or the little money he kept, besides the fact that he had been hurt and that he missed his best friend already. Remus was relatively happy. There was one person to blame. And he was sitting next to him, very close to him.
"A tattoo?" Remus asked as he smiled.
"Yeah" Sirius nodded. He was drawing a friendly dog in the foggy window of the London Tube "I was thinking what Fen said yesterday. Do I really look like a delicate prince?"
Remus laughed despite the fact that it hurt to think about Fen and the boys. How they once were Remus's family. And just yesterday they tried to hurt Sirius and him. They hurt Grant. But luckily Grant would be safe and sound in Brighton by now.
Sirius’s dog had a speech bubble next to it. It read: "Hello Moony". Remus smiled.
"I want to look more badass if I am going to live in London" Sirius added.
"You're going to live in a posh neighborhood anyway, so it's fine"
Sirius poked out his tongue.
Sirius had been absolutely adorable during their trip to London. It was the first time Sirius visited the city for real. And though their mission had been to rescue Grant, which they managed successfully despite everything, Remus could tell Sirius had enjoyed it. He wanted more than ever to move into his Uncle's apartment.
"I am sorry for bringing the subject, Moony"
Seeing Sirius’s eyes of concern, Remus realized he had a sad expression. And he hated feeling that way for those people. But nobody understood what they had meant for him. Maybe only Grant.
"It's okay, I am fine"
"No, you are not" Sirius prompted "And it's okay. I get it"
Fen had been drunk and probably on drugs when he took out his knife. And when he hit and kicked Remus on the ribs. He still had the bruises. More than the ones he used to have. But what he said had been circulating Remus's brain all day: "Ye'r a traitor! Yeh abandoned us to play to be a posh boy in a posh school. We've used ter be Yer family and yeh left us"
Remus didn't regret going to Hogwarts. It had been the best decision of his life. Not only because he was able to see Sirius again. But in Hogwarts he had met the best people he could find. Now comparing with what he used to have with Fen and the others, Remus realized he didn't know what real friendship looked like, what real love looked like.
"I tried distracting you with Andromeda and Ted"
"And Nymphadora"
"Just call her Dora" Sirius shivered "That name is horrid"
Remus laughed.
Sirius’s smile showed how much he liked his little family. He only had Andromeda and Regulus now. He had been so happy to spend the day with them. Right before The Holidays. Probably it hadn't been like with The Potters. But they were his family.
"I had a really good time with them"
And it had made Remus love Sirius more. He didn't think it was possible to love someone so much. Even if they were just friends.
Sirius, now bored with the drawings on the window, found another distraction in playing with Remus's wrist bands. Every time Sirius touched his skin, Remus felt shivers down his spine.
"I didn't want to let Regulus go" Sirius added with a sad tone.
The Black Brothers were a total Rollercoaster. Remus had seen them fight like cats and dogs one moment. And then act like best friends at the other. While at The Tonks' they had been at peace. Teasing each other occasionally, but fine. Until Regulus said he was coming back to Grimmauld Place for the rest of the Holidays.
"I can believe he keeps choosing them over me"
"He is going to be fine, Pads"
At this point, they were gently touching each other's fingers and palms. Innocent play. But with a lot of meaning in between.
"He is too vulnerable" Sirius added with disdain "Reg is going to let them manipulate him. Something they wanted to do with me"
Remus couldn't help but rub his shoulders. Something a friend would do to comfort him.
"Regulus is very clever. He won't do anything he doesn't want to"
Sirius took a deep breath "Let's not talk about it. It's almost Christmas. I want to take advantage of our moments together before going back to Hogwarts"
"What do you want to do?" Remus asked in amusement "It's almost midnight and we don't have any money left"
"Only what Andy gave to me" Sirius smirked
"For our train tickets for tomorrow" Remus reminded him.
"We still have something left to buy some wine"
"She said that was for tickets and food"
"I am not hungry. Ate plenty at The Tonks. You?"
Remus wanted to smile. Remus wanted to say yes to everything. Remus wanted to follow Sirius anywhere. And do whatever he said. Because Remus loved him.
"I am always hungry. You know that" Remus teased.
"We'll buy some snacks with the wine"
Remus smiled now "You are impossible" he said. Sirius smiled innocently. Remus wanted to kiss him. "Add some fags to the list. Fen left me clean"
That made Sirius laugh "Deal"
The whole ride back to Alphard's flat was full of gentle touches and closeness. Remus let Sirius place his legs on his lap. They were wrapped around each other like some puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. They held hands. Sirius was scooping closer and closer. Placing his head on Remus's shoulder. Remus was getting addicted to Sirius’s smell and warmth.
Somehow it was a mixture of perfection and the slow craving of more. Remus didn't want to think how friends weren't supposed to do this. He didn't want to measure how romantic or how platonic this was. It was just happening.
They had always been close. Even before they started kissing and doing other stuff. Especially now that they had shared secrets and everything was at the open. It was clear they loved each other. And if Remus didn't think much about how or what they were, he could enjoy what he was having with Sirius.
"We should probably call Prongs to tell him we are alive"
Once in the flat, Remus was at ease. He didn't want to think about the fact that he would spend the night alone with Sirius. The night before, Grant had been something to focus. But now, it was only the two of them.
"Call him. I'll light the fireplace. It is freezing in here"
In front of the chimney and after several glasses of wine and some cigarettes, Remus was relaxed and warm.
"Alphard had taste for many things, not for decorating I am afraid" Sirius commented as he looked around.
Remus had been too worried about Grant last night to appreciate this place. Now more at ease, his eyes wandered around. Everything looked expensive and luxurious. Only the best that money could buy. Though Sirius was right. The decorations made the place look a bit ancient.
"Did you know my Uncle used to make hell of parties in this very place?"
Remus smiled "Yeah?"
"Brought many lovers in here as well" Sirius added, then chuckled "Imagine all the sex these walls had witnessed"
Remus was mid sip of his wine when he choked by the comment.
"If walls could talk" Sirius raised his eyebrows teasingly.
"I'm not sure you'd want to listen to those stories" Remus commented.
"My Uncle was a true slag" Sirius took a sip of his drink "At least he had fun"
Remus couldn't believe he was blushing. He was a bit drunk. And fuck it, he was getting hornier. He had promised himself he could be just Sirius’s friend. But it was impossible not to want him if he was so bloody pretty.
"How about you?" Remus asked with stupid drunk confidence "Are you bringing lovers when you move in?"
"I am having parties as well" Sirius answered looking only to the fire.
"What about the lovers?"
Sirius’s eyes fixed on Remus. The boy was out of breath for a second. Sirius scooped closer. Time felt like it had been stopped. Sirius hesitated before touching Remus's curls. Remus let him. Sirius’s hand moved towards his ear. Remus froze. Sirius caressed his neck delicately. Remus closed his eyes because the gesture was giving tiny shots of pleasure.
"I brought you, didn't I?" Sirius whispered before leaning in for a kiss.
It took all the strength in the world to look away and not kiss Sirius back.
"Sirius," Remus began with a trembling voice "You know we can't do this"
Sirius wasn't expecting that answer clearly. He looked hurt. And a bit confused.
"Yeah sorry" Sirius pursed his lips in disappointment "Just best friends, I get it"
"You were the one who said you needed time to figure things out" Remus snapped angrily.
Sirius wasn't supposed to be the hurt one. Not after everything he had made Remus go through.
"Yeah I know" Sirius shrugged, trying to sound uninterested "I just wanted to kiss you" he looked down to his empty cup "It's probably the wine"
But Remus's temper had changed. Everything was so fine with Sirius, so glorious, so brilliant, until he ruined it all.
"Fuck it, Sirius, you know very well how I feel about you" Remus said as he raised to his feet to pour himself more wine. He needed to be drunker.
"It was just a silly kiss, Remus, relax"
Remus turned in surprising speed, almost spilling the bottle on the carpet.
"I do want to kiss you!" And maybe he raised his voice a little "I love you!" he added, taking Sirius by surprise. Although he had said it many times already "But all you do is play with me when you want. You might be used to everyone being at your feet and maybe I used to be at your feet myself. But I can't do this anymore"
Sirius’s expression turned to fury. Eyes glistening by tears. He rose to his feet as well.
"You think I do this to mess up with you? Of course not, Moony! I want you for real"
Their yells echoed through the empty walls reminding both that no one had lived in that place for months. The ghost of the lonely man that used to own the flat was long gone. Perhaps the place hadn't known love. Maybe sex, fun and parties but not love.
"I know you do" Remus answered "But I don't want to be wanted by you. I want to be loved by you, Padfoot!"
Sirius opened his mouth to say something he didn't dare. Instead he replied with:
"Fuck me, Remus! You love to play this game as well. Who was touchy touchy with me in tube just hours ago? You've been all over me all day!"
Remus snorted in disbelief.
"You are the one who taunts me all the time with your touchy shows of affection and your flirtatious words!" Sirius replied with rage "I said I needed time!"
"What do you want me to do? Bloody ignore you?? We were supposed to be fucking friends, weren't we?"
"I don't think we can be friends" Sirius tutted "Everything is ruined now. Are we going to be awkward forever?"
"You are the one who made it awkward"
"Fuck you! You were practically begging me to kiss you!"
"Fuck you! You're the slag that threw himself at me!"
"And now you're acting like a prude, ha?"
Just like that the little spark turned into a fire, burning everything around them. How easily they exploded with words that hurt each other like daggers when minutes before it was good between them. Remus was sick and tired of how much Sirius made him hate him. Just like he was tired of how much Sirius made him love him. All at the same time.
"GO FUCK YOURSELF, SIRIUS!"
Sirius’s force was unstoppable as he approached.
"FUCK ME YOURSELF, YOU COWARD!"
Before Remus could react, Sirius pulled him by his neck into the most passionate snog, the hottest kiss he had ever experienced.
And God knows Remus tried to fight against it, but seconds later he gave into it faster than falling from a cliff. He opened his mouth for Sirius’s tongue. Remus tasted heaven for a second before Sirius broke apart. Remus would have protested but Sirius only needed seconds to whisper the next words:
"I am crazy in love with you, Moony. You drive me insane"
Sirius’s words were rushed and Remus didn't have time to process them. Sirius was attacking his mouth again. Remus was distracted with pinches of pleasure on his mouth as he felt Sirius’s tongue again. And pinches of pleasure when Sirius’s fingers ran through his hair.
When the message was processed by his brain, all Remus could do was smile between kisses. And he carried on. He carried on. Nobody could stop him now.
Remus didn't know how they got to one of the rooms, probably Alphard's, Remus didn't care. They were suddenly fully snogging on the softest bed Remus had touched. Sirius on top of him.
Remus's body raised in temperature. He realized he was only a human and needed air to survive only when Sirius detached his lips from Remus's mouth to his neck. Remus had only microseconds of air until it became difficult to breathe again for the delicious thing Sirius was doing to his neck.
Remus's instinct was to press him closer to him. And the sound that came out of their mouths was almost animalistic. It made Remus laugh.
"God, I love you"
Sirius let out a little snort on his collarbone.
"Moony, Moony, Moony.... I love you more"
Remus felt like fireworks on his chest. Those three words were better than any kiss or touch that Sirius could give him. That euphoric feeling made him smile to the dark.
Sirius giggled "Of course I love you. And I am scared of how much"
Remus caressed Sirius’s back in response. Then he stroked his soft hair.
"Sorry," Sirius added, looking down at Remus. They smiled at each other "I swear I didn't bring you here for this. And I certainly wasn't planning to confess my feelings like that. But, oh Moons, you made it difficult"
Remus chuckled "Well, you shouldn't have tried to kiss me in the first place"
"You looked adorable and irresistible" Sirius pouted. "What was I supposed to do?"
Remus let out a little laugh.
Sirius began playing with Remus's hair as if that gesture didn't drive him crazy.
"We don't have to do this if you don't want" Sirius said. Remus noticed the nervousness in his voice. He adored this vulnerable Sirius.
"You mean..."
Sirius bit his lip "What I said about my Uncle is true. But it was stupid to bring it up. You make me say stupid things, Moons"
"Yeah, blame me" Remus teased, making Sirius hit his arm playfully.
"I want you" Sirius added, and the way he said it sent shivers down Remus's spine "But it's okay if you want to wait"
"Are you proposing me to have sex with you in the same place your Uncle probably had sex with several men?"
"Way to bring the mood down, Moony"
Remus giggled. He was an idiot. He had only said that to hide the fact he was really really nervous. He admired Sirius for talking about this upfront. That's how Sirius got what he wanted most of the time.
Remus had wanted this for a long time. He had imagined it in his head. They were alone. Something that would be difficult back at Hogwarts. And he was completely in love with this boy. So why not? The only problem was that Remus was utterly scared. Mainly of what Sirius would say about his body. What if he didn't like it? What if he found it disgusting?
Stupid bloody fear.
Sirius must've read his mind because he took it as a red light. So he rolled to the side, panting to the ceiling.
"We should probably finish the wine and go to sleep, Moons. Prongs made me promise we would be at the Castle in the morning. It's Christmas Eve tomorrow, remember?"
Remus didn't want to go to sleep. He didn't want to lose the opportunity to be with Sirius. He was dying to touch him and show him how much he loved him. Hell, he was a teenage boy in love. He couldn't wait to have his top surgery to have sex, right? He wanted Sirius more than he had wanted anything.
So he rolled to his side, took Sirius’s shirt and pulled him into a wet desperate kiss. Sirius responded willingly.
In no time, they were all over each other again.
Remus pulled Sirius’s shirt off. And Sirius did the same with his. Sirius kissed the bruises and scars Fen had left the day before.
"I want you to be the first, Sirius" Remus whispered to the other boy in the dark. "I want to be yours forever"
Remus felt how Sirius's heart speed up with his words and Remus could've sworn seeing him blushing even in the poor light. Sirius was absolutely gorgeous and God how much Remus loved him.
"But I am not taking this off" Remus added, pointing to his binder "Is that okay?"
Sirius nodded at once. His eyes were shining as he said: "You're so beautiful, Remus".
The fact that he used his name made everything more real. Remus believed him.
"I love you" Sirius added shyly.
Remus smiled.
"I think I've loved you since the first day I saw you. I just didn't know it. I was a fool ten year old boy"
Remus touched his cheek. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He couldn't believe Sirius felt the same. Remus had loved this boy since he was a kid. This love had seemed impossible, unreachable and one-sided for so long that Remus couldn't believe it had been the same for Sirius. They had been terrible idiots.
"If you're saying things to get me horny, let me tell you I already am"
That comment made them laugh but also break the ice. And cut the little tension they were having for their potential first time.
"And here I was trying to declare my sweet love to you, Moons" Sirius tutted "You have to make everything sexual..."
"Shut up and kiss me" Remus interrupted with a sweet delicate kiss.
A kiss that started everything. Nothing stopped them after that. There was no time for words. But they told each other everything with touches and sighs of pleasure. The walls of that flat witnessed something extraordinary. Not only hot and messy sex once again. But the most honest demonstration of love. Remus liked to believe they had been the first ones to make magic while making love.
Remus would remember it as the happiest night of his life.
#marauders#maraudersera#marauders headcanon#sirius black#remus lupin#wolfstar#trans remus lupin#alphard black
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local man discovers he's gotten into the habit of using DBT techniques without actually being taught them because at some point he realised that the things we get the urge to do when we have strong emotions often aren't healthy and that he doesn't like how he feels afterwards so he started noticing when that was happening and going "fuck that shit" and doing the opposite instead
#personal#thoughts#Lucy post#talking to 🍬 about various stuff we do because of our social anxiety and what are probably undiagnosed BPD symptoms#and we realised he's gotten himself into the habit of paying attention to how his emotions affect his judgement#and trying to take a step back when he's experiencing an emotion that he knows gives us the urge to do stuff that's not healthy for us#and he said he felt bad about having those emotions and urges to do unhealthy stuff#at which point I was like ''okay but you're choosing not to act on that and to take a step back and do something healthier instead#which is what actually matters here and is also something that takes a hell of a lot of self-awareness and self-control''#this is shit they teach you in therapy that's difficult specifically because you're going against your brain's instincts for a situation#and we were never taught how to do it so you've just fucking taught yourself to do it instead#without actually knowing it's a specific technique that has a name#I was aware of it but had never actually looked at the instructions properly because when I stumbled across it#it was at a point where being told to go against what my emotions made me want to do felt invalidating and upsetting#I've literally just pieced together that ''oh right that's what that is and how it's supposed to work#and how it's meant to feel when you do it right''#anyway all this is to say that I keep being impressed with the amount of progress 🍬's made on learning healthy coping mechanisms#including things I could never seem to get the hang of when I was fronting more and handling more stuff#and I'm really proud of him and 🦋 and everyone else who's been handling stuff within the system and keeping things running#but also nobody in here seems to realise how much progress they've made with anything until someone else points it out#I just realised I should tag this as#happy posting#because I'm talking about stuff that's going well and where we've actually made a lot of progress
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With every passing day I become more and more convinced that by far the most controversial opinion I hold is that Fahrenheit is a perfectly fine measurement system for temperature actually
#'but it's so convenient to have the boiling point of water at 100°'#why?#what are you doing in your everyday life that requires you to know the exact point at which water boils at all times?#does the stove you're boiling pasta on operate to within a single Celsius of heat output?#does your coffee maker/tea kettle have a dial on the side where you can select a specific water temperature?#it was an arbitrary choice don't try to act like it wasn't#'but what about 0 being the freezing point of water that's useful at least'#okay I'll give you that it has more relevance than setting 0 to the freezing point of some specific brine solution#but hear me out:#there's a relatively easy way to know at what point water freezes in any temperature measurement system you choose to use#it's called 'memorizing literally one number and it's significance'#now I'm not saying the choices made about where 0 and 100 are in the Fahrenheit system aren't arbitrary#(because they ARE)#what i am saying is that the choices behind 0 and 100 in the Celsius system are ALSO arbitrary#even if America were to completely throw away the rest of the Imperial system and switch over to metric#(something i fully support don't get me wrong)#i see no good argument to get rid of Fahrenheit as well
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4dbarbie interview: All about Desires
4dkelly notes: I had fun making this in an interview style Q&A between 4dbarbie and Vanessa. I thought "how would 4dbarbie answer anon questions if she were still here today?". Spoiler alert, it wouldn't be much different to the questions anons asked her lol. Most answers are just directly extracted from her posts/answered asks but some have been adapted a bit or rearranged to make it flow better. I have added some relevant posts for further reading. I may or may not make more of these. This was mainly just for fun (but then it really evolved into an educational piece lol). My highlight key: key concepts are in pink, action points in purple, really important points in red
Vanessa: I really like this guy and want to manifest him. 😢 How do I do that?
4dbarbie: IMAGINE KNOWING ALL THIS AND STRESSING OVER A GUY?!?!? Unbelievable. Who's holding you at gun point to type this out to me??? 😧😧😧 I refuse to believe this is what this material is getting wasted on. I refuse to believe this is the understanding you guys have after I explained who you are in so many ways. Imagine liking someone who didn't text you back right after to tell you how amazing you are as well 🤮 what do you like about this nobody? You want to give me a heart attack? I tell you there is no one out there but you and instead of being free and loving yourself you... you give a crumb of your precious attention to this? I tell you you are life and you try to make life better through dates?
Vanessa: Okay but what about my other desires? I want them...
4dbarbie: Everything about Vanessa is meaningless. She has a life and if it's boring, who cares? Forget it. What do you need these stories for? Do you not understand they have reality because you give it to them? YOU! They have no standing on their own! The whole world is just your mere thought. The body exists because you are aware of it being! Only you have this power. Only you are. Why are you dreaming like this? Gosh, you break my heart. If Vanessa is hurting you why do you keep on choosing her?
Vanessa: Then what should I do? I still have things I desire despite knowing I cannot desire because I am not a person, ego, mind...
4dbarbie: You know it intellectually, but have you acted on it at all? You know yourself as Vanessa by acting like Vanessa, know yourself as your Self by acting like yourself. Desires and fears dissipate then. You have desires still because you never stopped thinking you're Vanessa. Investigate who Vanessa actually is :) Spoiler alert: it's a thought! Think something else and see what happens.
Vanessa: How long will this take? When will I see a change?
4dbarbie: Now. Who is doing the change in attitude, what are you waiting for to happen for you to change your attitude? It's instant. You see it, you realize you have no reason to worry/doubt/desire/fear anymore, let things happen as they happen while you're undisturbed and they dissolve.
Vanessa: Should I just keep assuming that I don't desire things anymore because I already have it while I'm denying and dismissing my senses? It feels like I'm just waiting and being delusional though
4dbarbie: Your world is right and perfect, what you see is what you are so even if you're seeing what 'you' don't want, the world is not wrong in being what it is. Fearing it, trying to manipulate it, lying to yourself about it being something different - all useless and vain attempts.
Not seeing the world as it is, is an aversion to it. - Lester Levenson
See it as it is and it will fix itself.
And no, being delusional is not good, it leads you not to trust your own judgment or senses. Which is not right, why shouldn't you? What is wrong with your vision? Being delusional from your ego self is really harmful, someone could be abusing you and you would go "i'm sure that's not right he loves me so much in my mind!!!"
You won't be able to get rid of the waiting feeling as long as you're identified with your ego, it can manipulate nothing. And if you weren't your ego -- everything would already be materialized, so there would be nothing to wait for.
Vanessa: Well since I Am and I give life to everything, when Vanessa desires something, I can just "give" her her desires, right?
4dbarbie: The desire that *I*... the desire is of Vanessa, the Self can have that and it's nothing to it. It's just another experience. Those things are in you, not you in them.
You don't have to give her anything... you don't have to fulfill anybody... I Am is already everything... you only don't see you are all and have the all because you won't stop thinking you're the ego. All you're doing all the time is creating lack & limitation, perfection already is. You just add unsatisfying labels constantly with your wrong thinking.
Let go of the thinking, it's instant. No need to fulfill anybody. 1 My tip is to realize your Self, have enough courage to face Vanessa's fears. See how unnecessary is to pay them any mind at all. Let go of thinking you are this little helpless thing already. After you realize yourself, any bold assertion does it. There's no time delay. 2
Vanessa: Now I feel defeated, do I just give up on everything then?
4dbarbie: Feeling defeat is actually good, it prompts you to let go :D You don't need to reach for what is already within you. Give up the idea that you have not found it and just let it come into the focus of direct perception, here and now, by letting go of all that is of the mind.
Abandon all sense of separation, see yourself in all and act accordingly - Nisargadatta Maharaj
You have it, all is well. Just stop believing the illusions born out of thinking you're a person.
Vanessa: So as Awareness, I have to stop desiring?
4dbarbie: If you know yourself to be Awareness, then you know yourself to be the all. There is nothing to desire, because you have no reason to create desire.
That's why it's necessary to realize all that is is awareness and the person comes second. If you think all that is is the person, then the chances of believing you're suddenly a different person are slim, and the persuasion and convincing are nothing but a form of self-instilled mental torture. 1 All you're doing is imagining/thinking you're an ego who has to strive for things, but it is "I AM" imagining itself to be so.
What is beyond is clear of all striving. The cause of suffering is in the identification of the perceiver with the perceived. - Nisargadatta Maharaj
When that identification ceases, so does desire. Then, if you want to express yourself as being a person, nothing is stopping you from doing so, only know yourself first. After that, no matter what you choose to experience the world as, you will know you are not it and it can't hurt you.
Vanessa: What do I do when a desire or fear comes to my mind then? It doesn't feel right to suppress them...
4dbarbie: I am not talking of suppression. Just refuse attention. Nisargadatta has a saying "When you happen to walk in a crowd, you do not fight every man you meet — you just find your way between." Neville has another "Indifference is the knife that severs, feeling is the tie that binds." When you refuse to play the game, you are out of it.
Vanessa: Then how do I stop feeling anxious about trying to change my life?
4dbarbie: You are not the one who is anxious or fearful, the ego is fearful. LOA was wrong about letting go because you can't let go of desires or fears if you don't know who you really are. If you think you are this ego you can't help being anxious. You can't help wanting to get. Real surrendering can only be of the ego. By letting go of who you think you are and seeing you were never it in the first place, that it is because YOU are, you naturally drop all desires and fears because they weren't yours. 1 Get into a habit of watching, letting them be but not identifying with them. If you can observe them, it means you are not them.
Abandon all imaginings and know yourself as you are. All craving is due to a sense of insufficiency. When you know that you lack nothing, that all there is, is you and yours, desire ceases. - Nisargadatta Maharaj
Vanessa: How do I stop feeling doubts then?
4dbarbie: You shut them down. There is no reason to argue with them, contemplate them, or give them any kind of attention at all. See them for what they are, an illusion of the mind. When you catch yourself being aware of something that's undesirable, just go 'What problem?' and know it to be perfect again. Always remember, the real you can't have doubts, only your ego can.
Vanessa: I feel like I'm not doing enough to realize my true Self. How can I be more productive on this journey?
4dbarbie: There's nothing to be productive about. What a silly concept. Don't add another burden or worry onto yourself. Right now you make yourself guilty over not seeking more and doing more to attain realization, but you already have it. You need not take time to meditate or put time aside to contemplate and "apply". All you need to do is detach from this form during the day, let life happen as it happens while reminding yourself it's a dream, a dream that doesn't have to be yours.
The guilt is because you think you're running out of time and you need to change "your" life now. Be patient with yourself because you don't lose any time, just get to that place I'm telling you about and then you can just go back in time if you so wish. All worry is pointless! And there is nothing to fear, things just happen, do not claim them as yours for a while. Unclutter your mind, it becomes your servant after you've freed it enough.
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hii, i was wondering if for the "what are we?" prompts if you could please do some sort of combination of "what do you want us to be?" and "i was hoping we could be more than just friends" with felix? that would be so awesome! thank you <3
“What are we?”
The way you said those words made Felix's heart ache. It was hardly a whisper, for your voice betrayed you and cracked as you stared down to the cold pavement.
This wasn't how either of you expected this night to go. It was supposed to be a fun time; a house party with loud music, lots of people and many drinks to intoxicate your system. You and him were supposed to have a blast and get rid of all the stress you had been feeling lately.
Instead, you found yourselves sitting down on the sidewalk after you had run out one second and he followed you the next one.
Felix sat in silence next to you, concernedly staring into your miserable expression as your eyes remained focused on the ground and wouldn't dare to look back at him — the only sign of you acknowledging his presence right next to you being how you hugged the jacket he had placed over your shoulders a minute ago.
He didn't exactly get what happened. He had been talking to a friend of his he ran into, and then he saw you rushedly crossing the front door. He ran after you before he could even process it, only to be even more confused when he found you sitting down on the sidewalk, looking as if your heart had just been broken.
Still, even with such a look on your face, the words that had so weakly abandoned your lips caught him completely off guard.
He didn't know if he had heard it right. He didn't know what you wanted him to answer, nor did he know what to answer without compromising your entire friendship, which is why he ended up uncomfortably shifting in his place and clearing his throat before his eyes fixed on the house across the road.
“What do you want us to be?” He replied, voice nearly as weak as yours.
“That's not fair” you recriminated.
“What's not fair?” His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“I'm asking you what we are,” your eyes finally fixed on his, and he could see how hurt you actually were. “I want you to answer, not to leave me with the responsibility of choosing”.
“So I'm supposed to choose?” He asked; not mad, but troubled as hell. “I don't know what you want me to say, Y/N”.
“Just, whatever you want us to be”.
“I'm in the same place as you here” his voice trembled. “I don't think my feelings for you could be any stronger, but we're… you're my best friend. I love you so much, Y/N, I don't want us to… risk it all and then lose you, I don't know”.
A bittersweet smile curved up your lips. You knew he loved you, and he knew you loved him. Neither of you had ever said it before, but you hadn't bothered to hide it either. Therefore, it didn't come out as much of a surprise when he confessed it like that.
Both of you were well aware of your mutual feelings, but neither of you dared to actually act up on them, in fear of it meaning to lose one another in the future. You were in love with each other dearly, but you treasured your friendship more.
Up until that night, at least, for things had just changed on your end.
“I love you, too” you confessed back, feeling him take a shaky breath. “And I used to think the same, that I didn't want to risk it all and then lose you”.
“Then?”
“Then…” you sighed, resting your palms on the pavement as you leaned back. “Then I saw the way Yumin looked at you, and how much you laughed with her and how happy you looked back then… and I realised that I was okay with not risking it all and being just friends til the end of times because it didn't cross my mind that at some point you'd be with someone else”.
“I'm not with Yumin,” he shut that idea of yours down immediately. “I just ran into her back there and we were catching up, we're not—”
“It doesn't matter,” you gave him another weak smile, as they seemed to be the only ones you had left. “You will fall for someone else at some point anyway, whether it's her or not, and I don't think I'll be able to just stand there and keep being your friend”.
“Y/N…”
“I really won't be able to stand it, Lix” your eyes watered. “The mere thought of you and her hurt like hell, what's it gonna be like when you actually do fall for someone else an—”
Your words were cut off by his mouth pressing lightly on yours. Just like that, the fate of your friendship had been settled.
It was the sweetest way you had ever been told to shut up, and you could only sit there and return the kiss after a couple of seconds, when you managed to snap out of it and realised you were in fact not dreaming.
It was delicate, soft, and didn't last long; only enough to stop you from talking nonsense and to let you know just how truly and deeply he felt for you.
“There isn't anyone else,” he whispered once he faintly pulled away. “There won't ever be someone else”.
You closed your eyes, resting your forehead on his and letting his breathing mix up with yours as you took in his words.
You loved him. He loved you. No matter how scared you were of a future without him if things didn't end up working out, you were sure that being so deeply in love with each other and not being together hurt just as much.
It almost seemed stupid not to give in to your feelings now.
“I think I want us to be more than friends…” you murmured, finally opening your eyes to meet his beaming chocolate ones.
Felix smiled, lightly nodding his head as he leaned in once more. “Good,” he pecked your lips. “Because I don't think I can keep myself from kissing you anymore”.
#i changed the second dialogue a bit i hope that's okay!!#skz#stray kids#felix#skz imagines#stray kids imagines#felix imagines#skz reactions#stray kids reactions#felix reactions#skz fanfic#stray kids fanfic#felix fanfic#skz scenarios#stray kids scenarios#felix scenarios
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cooking with the brothers
mc's gender is not mentioned, not proof read
content warnings: none
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Lucifer
it doesn't matter what culinary level you're at, lucifer is basically your average masterchef winner and he acts like it
maybe he likes to brag a little, maybe he's wondering if you're impressed by his cooking skill
he also uses ingredients like devildom olive oil that looks like it costs 50 grimm per drop
he is kind of controlling when you're cooking together though
but whatever meal you make, it looks smells and tastes amazing
Mammon
sometimes when you're on cooking duty together you end up having to get akudonald's to serve dinner on time
because you get distracted together
like mammon starts a play fight with spoons, which you join in on meanwhile the food is burning
and mammon kind of never follows a recipe, he mostly does what feels right
he opens the cupboards too and goes 'okay what do we got here' and improvises a meal
Leviathan
he mostly wants to make meals he's seen in anime cafes, or recreate food from his favorite shows and tsl
if you don't got the ingredients he'll improvise a meal with whatever is left, since he doesn't want to go grocery shopping
and while he's cooking he likes to blast really loud music, if you love it he'll blast it even louder
one time satan was trying to read and the music was bothering him, so he stole levi's speaker which made levi chase him and you were in charge of the food alone for a while (average day with the brothers)
Satan
he has a cooking book full of recipes, he gives it to you so you can choose something to make
satan has multiple cooking books actually, one of them is all cat-themed and if anyone would find it in his room he'd get embarrassed and angry at the same time
and one of them is a cooking book with recipes you can make for your cat
anyways, satan goes grocery shopping on time for the ingredients and he's a pretty good cook
he's also very focussed so everything goes smoothly and dinner gets served well on time
Asmodeus
on the day you're on cooking duty together, asmo sends you a ton of devilgram posts with recipes you can make
sometimes he does change the recipes though, like if somebody doesn't like raisins he'll take them out
asmo gets distracted sometimes though, there have been times where he wanted to change the song and took 5 minutes to pick a new one
speaking of music sometimes cooking with him turns into a karaoke and dance party but at some point the food gets finished
Beelzebub
he brings a big bag of chips with him so he can eat those instead of the ingredients for the meal if he gets too hungry
do not let beel sample anything though because there have been times where he's sampled the whole thing (he even warns you about this himself)
he does like to watch you sample the food and tell him what you think of the flavors and all
when the food is finally done and served, he eats it in a whole minute
he's been waiting and you made it together so it's special
Belphegor
he cooks like your average college student during exam season
belphie goes 'hey mc I got some stuff, put it in the microwave and three minutes later we got a meal'
if it's not microwavable it's probably something boxed that's done in under ten minutes
but he's capable of cooking something proper with you, just know you might end up doing more work than him
and when he actually puts in effort, he finds out that cooking together is honestly really fun and relaxing
#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me scenarios#obey me swd#obey me imagines#obey me fluff#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#asmodeus obey me#beelzebub obey me#belphegor obey me#obey me x mc#obey me x reader#gn!mc
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"an honorary girl!"
chuuya comes to your girl's night
chuu x fem reader, no warnings??
summary, chuuya comes to your girls night
dividers by v6que
chuuya had come to pick you up from a girl's lunch, and was greeted by your friend group and you in the cafe. "hey doll," he greeted you, taking off his gloves and putting them in his pockets. something he always done prior to holding hands with you.
"hey chuu!!" you smiled as you stood up. you had already paid your part of the bill. your friends smiled at chuuya as he treated you like an absolute princess, grabbing your bag for you.
"oh, y/n! girls night is on for saturday, do you need it to be moved for a different date?" one of your friends asked, and chuuya pretended to act shocked. "am i not invited?" he teased you.
the same friend added, "well, if you bring work gossip and good food and drinks we can consider you being an honorary girl.." the rest of the group burst out laughing as chuuya took the offer. "you bet."
and that was what left you here. telling your boyfriend that fluffy pajamas were mandatory for girl's night. "but we aren't even sleeping around kiyoko's? everyone is leaving at midnight." he argued, not understanding it was crucial to be in fluffy pjs.
"that is not the point, love. it is just more fun in pjs!! at least change in to some plaid bottoms and a graphic tee..." you whined, "okay, princess." he sighed.
the drive over was full of you explaining what would happen. which of your friends will choose the movie today, boy drama, snacks.. all of it!
so, when you arrived that was just what happened. all of the girls seemed to be entertained by chuuya's presence, finding it hilarious he actually turned up.
beauty and the beast was switched on to mindlessly play in the background as chiyo began the gossip. her and her ex had been talking again and was asking the girls (+ chuuya) for advice.
"no, yeah! he just completely blanked me a week ago when we bumped into each other but then he is messaging me asking how my day was? i just don't get it!" she groaned, the group of girls sat in a circle as chuuya sat down after grabbing chips from the kitchen.
he sat next to you as he spoke, "maybe he didn't think how to react when he saw you in the mall?" he suggested. promptly earning a smack to the face with a pillow from you.
"chuuya, boys are stupid. like yeah you're a guy but it's just different! y/n basically trained you as a boyfriend." kiyoko shrugged, explaining why you smacked him.
the other girls hummed in agreement before another spoke through giggles, "chuuya.. do you have any boy drama??" she joked. you knew just how to tease your boyfriend.
"oh, yes he does! tell them about daz-" you rallied before he cut you off. "don't get me started. it started when we were like.. fifteen but that mackerel just doesn't keep himself out of danger!!" he complained.
"who's mackerel?" another girl asked. chuuya answered, "this guy who like i used to be partners with but then he blew up my car so we aren't really on the best of terms.." he began to ramble.
the rest of the night chuuya truly experienced an authentic 'girls night'. a delicacy that cannot be replicated. gasps of shock. food thrown. gossip spread.. he has never seen such a rollercoaster of emotions in the best way imaginable.
#bungou stray dogs#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs x reader#chuuya nakahara#nakahara chuuya#bsd chuuya#chuuya x reader
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I get frustrated a bit when I hear people say that Astarion isn't okay with the Astarion x PC x Halsin relationship and only says yes to make the PC happy or so he doesn't lose the PC.
I just don't think that Larian (and Neil Newbon) would build an entire storyline for this character about being a SA survivor and then turn around and invalidate all of it just to do a 'hehehe you can also kiss Bear Daddy' thing.
Astarion does ask if you're interested in Halsin because at that point the two of you haven't slept together in a while. And he does seem genuinely worried when he asks. But when you reassure him that isn't the case and nothing will change between you, he's okay with it.
A huge aspect of Astarion's character growth is him coming to understand he has agency and value as a person. And not just agency and choice in the bigger picture sense, but also how he chooses to use his body.
By the point Halsin propositions you in Act 3, Astarion has asked the PC to refrain from sex because he's not comfortable doing it for the time being. The PC can even tell him in Act 2 that they don't have to have sex for as long as he needs. (Which I take to mean possibly forever.) The point is the emotional relationship is more important than the physical one. You've demonstrated through action in the drow scene, and possibly straight up told him afterward, that you don't expect him to do things he doesn't want to do. That you respect his agency. And he seems to both get and embrace that message.
This is a huge step for Astarion, who was forced to use his body and sexuality in service to another for 200 years. That trauma doesn't go away overnight, but I just feel like if he's confident and comfortable enough in his relationship to ask to refrain from sex, and trust that the PC will respect his choice, he would be confident enough to tell them if he truly wasn't okay with them being with Halsin.
#astarion#baldur's gate 3#bg3#astarion romance#astarion romance spoilers#halsin#astarion x pc x halsin
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ruby i need help writing sexy smut please
Okay! This one might be long, so buckle up:
(also, this is just my personal preference and how I approach smut)
I like to separate smut into two categories: the emotionally charged one and the more technical/physical one.
Ideally, you'd want around 50/50 of each, but that will always depend on what you're trying to achieve.
Example:
- When I write oneshots, I tend to go for the physicality of it as I'm usually exploring tropes/kinks in under 3k words. I will describe what's going on with their bodies and how they explore each other physically and react to thos (possibly) new kink. This is not to say my oneshots are void of emotions from whichever character's POV I choose. I still dive briefly into their emotions as a means to contextualise the scene and set the pace. I'd say it's around 80/20.
- For longfics (such as The Arrangement), it's paramount that I prioritise emotions and feelings while pairing it with the act itself. Since I'm writing from Tav's POV, it's important to show readers how she feels about them being together so intimately again. And I don't mean how she feels about having his fingers inside her, for example, but rather how the entire moment feels. It's about exploring body and mind, if you will. I try to keep it at 50/50, but it depends on the context of the scene itself.
Now, with that out of the way: more is more. Describe everything that feels appropriate. Sure, if you just mean to rush through the scene, there is no need and no one will dislike it for it. But if you want that added layer of emersion (which, to me, is essential) then you should try to describe the act itself.
Case in point:
- He undid your shirt and gazed at the exposed skin.
vs
- His fingers moved to the top button of your shirt, undoing it slowly as his hand travelled down your torso, working on exposing your flushed skin to his prying gaze with each expert tug.
See the difference? Which one do you enjoy the most? The first example can be used. This is not right vs wrong. I am simply showing how more is more when it comes to smut. Again it will always depend on what you're trying to achieve and how comfortable you feel. Some people just want to rush through the smut scenes.
Hope this helps 🩷
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Hi 💞I just discovered your account and I read all of Ror yandere's posts and I think your writing is the best I've ever read for Ror ✨✨. So I decided to place an order. This is the first time I order on any account 😅 So what about yandere poseidon, Thor, Buda, hades (if you don't read the manga, put Loki instead of him please) with a reader like Hinata Hyuga, shy, sweet, and heir to a powerful clan, but people think she's Weak and they prefer her sister, and she loves someone other than the yandere, and that other person is not aware of her feelings, and he loves another girl. You can choose if the reader is a god or a human. English is not my first language, so sorry if it is not understood 💀💀
I READ HINATA HYUGA AND INSTANTLY KNEW I HAD TO DO THIS REQUEST, SHE IS MY QUEEN. The reader will be human! I ALSO WANTED TO ADD THOR BUT I DIDN'T HAVE THE MOTIVATION SORRY-
chsjgjejc, she's so pretty I'm gonna cry
Yandere! Buddha x Hinata Hyuga! Reader:
- He loves you from right off the bat okay, your beliefs align so well with his and while people seemed to be ignorant about your strength, though he supposes thats what he liked most about you. You weren't just a demure and anxious woman, you had so many more layers to you.
- You were loving, absolutely passionate about those whom you loved and cared about. From your first fight, you showed your true strength and it really impressed Buddha.
- I'm gonna be honest, his feelings for you were genuinely wholesome and sweet from the start. He liked you and he was nice to you, yet when he tried to approach you romantically; you didn't shy away but confidently told him there was someone else. He was dissapointed...ah...so you already had a s/o? He shouldn't be surprised, you're amazing-
- Oh...they weren't your s/o? That's...interesting. He starts to look into this mortal that you seem to be so infatuated with and, well, he doesn't like what he finds. This person has the most desirable person in the world at their feet and they just act like she isn't there???
- How!? Buddha's world light's up once you enter the room. Everything around him seems brighter and more full of life, much so to the point that he notices when you're not around him, everything feels more lonely and sad. It doesn't make sense how they have you in the palm of their hands and yet, still want to have someone else.
- Buddha's obsession LITERALLY starts because of this, he is so close to winning your heart, he knows it! Every shy smile you give him when you compliment him, the way you blush but thank him when he hands you a snack, and how you confide in him. He nearly has you, his heart at his fingertips. But then that person just smiles at you once and you're cruelly pulled back to them. Maintaining a one-sided loyalty.
- Buddha is definetly one of the more smarter yanderes, he could actually manage to manipulate you into giving up your crush. Yeah, he might stalk and spy on you in secret but he'll project his yandere tendencies onto you. Saying how he's concerned with YOUR obsessive behavior (all while keeping his own a secret) and manipulating you saying it was selfish of you to hold onto them when they want someone else. He asks: "Do you truly love them? Because if you were, you'd let them find their happiness...even if it doesn't include you..."
- If he manages to get through to you, perfect! He just needs to capture your interest which isn't hard (look at that man and tell me you wouldn't fall in love, I dare you) since he'd help you recover from your broken heart and put all the broken pieces together. He is now the one you look at during fights, he is now the one you devote your endless love too, and it gives him such an ego boost.
- Yeah, maybe he didn't take his own device but in his defense; you were already the perfect and ideal match for him and he knew you'd love him back...he just had to get rid of the little nuisance that was keeping you from realizing your true feelings.
- If there is the slight chance you do realize he's trying to manipulate you or that your feelings are too strong for your crush, he will just straight up tell you that they DO NOT LOVE YOU. THEY WILL NEVER LOVE YOU. NOT THE WAY HE DOES. Why...why can't you see that???
Yandere! Poseidon x Hinata Hyuga! Reader:
- NO BECAUSE, LIKE, IF THE READER IS HINATA THEN POSEIDON IS DEFINETLY TONERI, JUST A BIT DIFFERENT BUT BASICALLY: POSEIDON FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU, A NEW GODDESS.
- LIKE, HE ABSOLUTELY FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU SOMEHOW DESPITE YOU BEING A HUMAN (to clarify: you caught his eye when you were a legal consenting adult) AND THAT YOU DEFINETLY HAD AN EFFECT ON HIM WITHOUT REALIZING IT.
- He admired you so much and loved you so dearly, in his mind, he hated all humans but maybe...maybe YOU were the one destined for him, you did not digust him at all, and while everyone in your clan had exceptional talent, YOU were the best, even being deemed as "The Bykaugan Princess".
- When you enter Ragnarok, you do it to protect humanity but also for love...Sadly, not for Poseidon's love but for the love of a human who didn't even notice you! One who you gave your heart and soul too and yet, they didn't even spare a second glance in your direction.
- While Poseidon loved you, he hated the person you fell in love with because they reminded him of every aspect he hated about humanity. Their arrogance for taking your love for granted, their ignorance as they never noticed the longing looks that you gave them, and their obnoxiousness as they casually brushed you off. YOU WERE FIGHTING IN RAGNAROK BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO PROTECT HUMANITY, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY: THEM.
- It IRKED Poseidon because he was jealous of a human. He doesn't blame you for having a crush on them, he sees how gentle your heart is and how your kindness is simply too much for your heart to hold for itself so you share it with others.
- No, he was upset at everyone around you. Those who talked down to you, looked down at you for how you acted (even though you couldn't help but be a living symbol of elegance and perfection) but if they had watched you like Poseidon had, that you were far from what they thought about you. You were mighty and you were strong, especially for those who you loved.
- He wanted to romance you, he truly did. He showed his softer self to you when he was able to be around you and tried his best to not look so intimidating but it just wasn't enough. For some reason, that disgusting person you adored was taking Poseidon's place in your heart. It was their fault he couldn't court you like how he wanted because they somehow made you obsessed with him!
- He had to resort to such nasty methods. Maybe he kidnapped your sister like how Toneri did and made you marry him to garuntee her safety. Maybe he threatened to use his position as a God to make sure your little crush suffers, hell, you did kill one of his fellow Gods so he's sure he could get some other God's in targeting your crush as revenge.
- He hated seeing that fearful look on your face but when you finally submitted to him, he couldn't deny it made his heart beat faster. He knows you only went because you care too much about people but he isn't too upset because he knows, after a while, you will realize that HE is the one you should be obsessed with and loyally devoted to because unlike that pathetic human, he will return it ten fold♡
Yandere! Loki x Hinata Hyuga! Reader:
- Aw, you're a pathetic little mouse, aren't you?~ You started out as an obsession right off the bat to him, honestly. Your eyes are what caught his attention but you were so timid and neglected, poor thing♡ He approached you long before the fights started but saw you during the preparations of the whole thing and ah, you were simply too adorable to resist.
- But then when he sees you fight with the Gentle Fist technique for the first time then he is obsessed with you, so the little mouse does have some fight in her, huh? And yet, as soon as the battle is over and he pins you to the wall after your victory. You start to get nervous and stutter and he chuckles and murmurs a: "How precious~" before he lets you scamper off like the cute mouse you are.
- He borders on the line of being all lovey dovey with you and being absolutely mean to you. Like, you're upset because you realized Brunhilde meant to pick your sister instead and asked if you were willing to trade but you just tried to argue that you can handle it...well, tried. You ended up nearly in tears so Brunhilde left to "give you sometime to think it over." which really meant she just couldn't deal with you.
- "Aw, poor little mouse, once more; only the second choice to their big sister." Loki teased. You tried to wipe your tears, not wanting him to he mean to you like he usually is but you couldn't stop them. He just feigns another sound of sympathy as he reaches over and brushes your tears away with his thumb and squishes your face cutely as he smiles, "If it helps, I think that you're much better than your big sister. She's so mean and boring, but you're simply adorable."
- His bullying can also stem from the fact that you love someone other than him, which pisses him off. Usually, he'd be angry at you but he's even angrier when he sees that the person you've given your heart too DOESN'T EVEN WANT IT. AND YET YOU NEVER GIVE UP TRYING TO PROVE YOURSELF WHEN LOKI IS RIGHT THERE. Okay maybe he's a little mad at you but only because despite your all-seeing eye, HE IS BETTER FOR YOU. Yes he's a little mean but that's just because he loves you♡
- He'll bully your crush out of you too. Mocking you for wanting someone who doesn't want you, how you should just give up on them because they're never going to notice you, not the way that Loki does. They will never love you.
- And as your once more crying from his hurtful words, he once more pulls you into a gentle and loving hug and nuzzles his face into your neck: "Aw, they're never gonna want you. Not when that girl is a much better match for them. So you should just give up and be with me instead! I can be so much more for you♡"
- He truly does envy your crush, though. When you're not being sad, you truly are beautiful. The shy yet dreamy smiles you have, the way your eyes flare with admiration and pure love, your face becoming so beautiful that no painting or photo could truly capture your beauty. Loki gets upset when he gets reminded that its not for him.
- He will shape-shift into your crush sometimes as a cruel joke but you never fall for it because of your eyes, but he'll taunt you with it and be all: "Would you give me a kiss now, (Y/n)? Hmm? If I looked like them? If I acted like them?" and you just look him dead in the eyes, your confidence coming out as you glare and say: "No, because my heart belongs to them. And you will never be them."
- You're so pathetic in his eyes. He could destroy you for talking to him like that and you both knew it, yet you risked it all because you loved this person with such passion from the depths of your heart. You fought for humanity not just because it was right but because they'd be destroyed along with it and you'd never let any harm come to them. You will unfailingly run to them again and again just to get your heartbroken but you're willing to endure it because you love them. And as Loki feels what could only be described as heartbreak from your words, he realizes that you've made him just as pathetic as you are...
#record of ragnarok x reader#record of ragnarok#ror x reader#shuumatsu no valkyrie x reader#snv x reader#ror loki x reader#ror buddha x reader#snv buddha x reader#snv loki#ror loki#tw yandere#yandere buddha x reader#Yandere loki x reader#yandere buddha ror#yandere loki ror#Yandere Poseidon ror#yandere poseidon x reader ror#yandere loki snv#yandere buddha#yandere poseidon x reader snv#Hinata Hyuga
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Hello, Hello!!
You said your requests are open, yes? Well, im here to submit one if it's not a burden <33
Can I request Fyodor Dostoevsky x Male reader who is a religious cult leader? (You can choose it's it's yandere, platonic, romantic, etc)
For example, the reader is a priest but is super nice, a little too nice-- Fyodor happens to run across him during in what the start of season four would be(when the ADA didn't listen to Ranpo's starting point) and deemed m/n as just: "a feeble priest" who invited him to church, however, when Fyodor decides to go to the church out of curiosity he finds out m/n is insane for whatever god he worships, instead of his soft and caring personality he had when he first met Fyodor; he now has a more crazed and insane one, "reaching the holy words" and screaming obscenities to the rest of the church members in the pews?
And possibly for an interesting touch(only for the drama because im quite obsessed with dramatic stories where characters get surprised when m/n does something), the reader usually keeps their eyes closed, eventually leading people into thinking that he is blind, only for him to open his eyes when he's doing cultist meetings?
I know this is such a strange ask 😭😭 and if it makes you uncomfortable I understand 100%, this is actually a storyline for one of my ocs, and I thought it would be neat to see this sort of storyline in your style and as a fanfic!!
(P.S I HAVE READ SOME OF YOUR WRITING AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH 😭❤️❤️ I don't request often either so I wanted you to know this is how much I appreciate your writing style)
thanks for requesting!
☆ the wolf in sheep's clothing
fyodor dostoevsky x male reader [he / him]
sypnosis: above!
the lowercase is intentional !
you were going about your day, on your way to your work as a priest before bumping into a man. this man was no ordinary man, it was fyodor dostoevsky, a member of the decay of angels. but you didn't know that yet, and neither did he know about your secret profession.
"i'm so, so sorry!" you stutter out with a bow, keeping a nice, caring persona on to lure fyodor in. your eyes are closed, so you can't make out what the man infront of you looks like, but you take a quick peak at him before closing your eyes again. "it's alright," he smirked. "don't worry about it." his accent was thick and heavy. you were now more curious about him. you were definitely going to try and lure him into your cult.
"my name's [name]. i am truly sorry for bumping into you.." your eyes are closed and fyodor can now understand why you bumped into him. you were probably blind, so he felt a little sympathetic towards your case, which was a surprise from him. "it's okay, don't worry about it truly. i'm fyodor." he smiled, even though you wouldn't be able to see.
you bowed at him again, still muttering a string of apologies before he takes your shoulder in his hand. "please stop apologising, i've already forgiven you." the contact made you shiver, but in a good way. you looked up at him again. "okay, okay. sorry. would you like to come over to come over to my church? i was just on the way now before bumping into you. it'll be my way of showing gratitude and forgiveness." you smile, but there's a hint of evil about your smile that fyodor doesn't seem to catch on to.
"oh, well i don't see why not." fyodor smiled in response. "if you're insisting, i'll come along. i guess it is really the only way you could repay me." the black haired man continued smiling. fyodor was geniunely curious about your church. what god did you worship? etc, etc. those questions were running through his mind. he also liked how sweet you were, it was like he could take advantage of you if he'd like to later. but he was wrong, of course. you didn't show him how you truly were. a cruel, evil cult leader. you simply acted all sweet to lure more people into your trap.
the two of you then arrived at the church. it was lively as people were waiting for the next session to take place and they were waiting for [name] to lead it. you had a smirk on your face as you faced fyodor again. "you just sit where you like and have a little listen to my ceremony, okay?" you smile sweetly at him, but your intentions are far from sweet.
the atmosphere of the church was also quite sinister.. but fyodor couldn't tell what was off about the whole place just yet. he decided to go along with whatever you had planned. he sat down in a seat near the back and waited for you to start.
you walk to the altar and get your things ready to prepare your next speech for your followers. you enjoy the feeling that you have a new guest today - fyodor. maybe you'd convince him to join your 'true' religion in the end and get him to praise your 'true' god.
"greetings, guests!" you call out, finally opening your eyes to scan the eyes of the audience. fyodor was a little startled at first. he didn't think you could see.. but maybe that was just a slight misjudgment on his behalf, so he tried to brush it off and not seem ignorant.
everyone was already shouting praises at you, even though you had only said two words. everyone sitting in the rows at the church were all familiar faces that you knew. you took your time usually to greet each individual once you entered the church, but today was different. you were running late due to fyodor, so you'd leave all the friendliness with your followers to later.
"i assume everyone knows why we're gathered here today?" you ask and people in the crowd yell back a string of 'yes'es or just screams. "oh but of course, there is someone new here today!" an evil grin grows on your face as you turn to look at fyodor. "I hope everyone will be nice to our hopefully new follower!" your grin then turns into a sweet smile, hints of evil still around it. your voice was sickeningly sweet as well, starting to creep fyodor of all people out a little bit too.
"today we are gathered yet again to praise the true god!" you yell out, your voice starting to grow more and more menacing as you praised this false god. "not the ones those so called real worshipers follow.. our god!" everyone started cheering your name, they seemed to be just as brainwashed, or even worse than you.
fyodor was starting to get a little creeped out. he wanted to leave, and fast. he didn't intend on meeting a cult leader in the first place. he just thought he had bumped into a sweet, innocent and blind man. but oh how he was so wrong.
your words started to linger in fyodor's mind. everything you said about this god stuck out to him. some of his curiosity was peaked, maybe it was because of you - not the person you decided to worship. something about you seemed so interesting, fyodor forgot his intentions on leaving now. he wanted to stay and listen to your voice forever.
maybe it was your voice, the way you spoke about this idol you worshipped. or maybe it was how captivating you were, the way you faked your sweet charm just to lure him in. whatever it was, fyodor was definitely interested. he was definitely going to be coming back for more talks.. mostly because he wanted to be by your side though.
once the 'prayer' meeting was over and you had said goodbye to each of your guests, you decide to go back to fyodor and have a chat with him. he had a surprised look on his face the entire time you spoke and you were certainly amused by that. "well hello, fyodor." you spoke, a smirk on your face. it the exact one you had playing on your face when fyodor first came into the church. "i see you enjoyed your time here, yes?" you asked, leaning close to him. he immediately nodded, captivated by your alluring voice.
"yes, i did enjoy it. for more reasons than you may think, however." fyodor laughed lightly, looking at you. "it is safe to say, i will be returning.. only if i am not busy with my own plans you see." he smiled at you, slightly returning the smirk you had on your lips. "of course, of course! you are welcome to join us anytime. i will be delighted." you chuckled back, pleased to hear that the ravenette will be returning.
fyodor had practically forgotten who you were - a cult leader that just spewed obscenities to his followers. he had completely zoned out.. but he wasn't that innocent of a man either, so he couldn't blame you. fyodor was truly fascinated about your act, maybe he could learn a thing or two from the wolf in sheep's clothing...
☆ requests ▪︎ masterlist
☆ author's note: i don't know shit about religion or anything about church / priests, so i hope this was good... but seriously thanks for requesting and saying you love my work! i try my best. keep requests coming!! they may be a little slow due to school but i'll try get them out asap.
#fyodor dostoevsky x male reader#fyodor x male reader#fyodor x reader#fyodor dostoevsky#fyodor dostoevsky x reader#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd#bsd x male reader#bsd x reader#foryou#x male reader#x reader
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Icarus Part 7
Hey, guys! I hope you're all still enjoying this story! It's a blast to write.
Here we have Gareth's explosion and the resulting fallout.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6
****
When Eddie got back to his hotel he had all three of his bandmates waiting for him.
Jeff had his arms crossed, glaring at the other two. “I’m here under protest, I told them you had messaged me that you wouldn’t be coming home last night but they still thought you were being kidnapped or some shit.”
Eddie raised an eyebrow at Gareth and Brian. “I’m a grown ass man who can do grown ass things like have sex with another man and spend the night.” He raised his had to stall the onslaught of questions that were no doubt about to screamed at him. “Of course I didn’t get papped. I never get papped. Jesus Christ.”
“We’re supposed to be working on our ninth album,” Gareth growled. “Fucking act like it.”
Eddie threw back his head and laughed. “You don’t get to say that this time. Not after what you and Bri did in London last time,” he hissed. “We had a chance to record in the actual fucking Abbey Road Studios and you two went on a three day bender where Jeff and I didn’t even know where you were. It got so fucking bad, you two have been banned from drinking at all this record.”
Brian had the decency to look chastised. But not Gareth, he doubled down.
“Which is why it’s so important that you don’t do it either,” he snarled back. “We don’t want to be kicked out of this studio too.”
“I was back before breakfast was being served!”
Jeff stood up and held out his hands. “All right, enough! Gareth this attitude is getting out of hand. No one has done more for this band than Eddie and you acting like he’s gonna do a runner at any moment is fucking ridiculous. And after all these years if he hasn’t run off yet, he sure as hell ain’t gonna now.”
“You need to work on your abandonment issues, dude,” Eddie snapped. “I have put my heart and soul into this band and I really don’t appreciate the constant insinuation that each concert, each album is going to be the last.”
Gareth stood up, fists clenched at his side. “You mean to tell me if Steve Harrington walked in here and offered to suck your dick in exchange for you quitting the band, that you wouldn’t?”
“Absolutely not,” Eddie said coldly. “And he would never ask. God.” He ran his hands over his face and began to pace. “His little brother is like our number one fan. You know that guy I took with me back to Hawkins?”
Gareth nodded curtly, but Eddie could tell he was starting to unbend.
“He loves our band,” he continued, pulling at his hair. “So that’s just one of many reasons why he wouldn’t. The biggest one, though, Gare.” He whirled around pointed directly at him. “Is that he knows what this band means to me and would never make me choose.”
His lip wobbled and the glimmer of unshed tears stuck to his eyelashes. “Because he loves me.”
Eddie sank to his knees, hands in his hair and began to rock back and forth.
“You take care of Gareth,” Brian said to Jeff, quiet but harsh into the silence that followed that statement. “I’ll take care of Eddie.”
Jeff nodded and bullied Gareth out of the room. The door closed and the remaining two could hear the harsh tones of the two who had left.
Brian got on his knees in front of Eddie and gently removed Eddie’s hands from his hair.
“Hey, Ed,” Brian murmured. “Can you look up at me for a moment? I need to make sure you’re okay.”
Eddie looked up at him. “That’s who I was with last night,” he whispered, his voice rough with emotion. “Steve said that he loved me and he kissed me, Bri. It was so special.”
Bri sighed and sat down cross-legged from him. “It’s that we’re all supposed to be sequestered and you snuck off, only telling Jeff where you went. So Gareth and I freaked out a bit.” He tilted his head thoughtfully. “Maybe a lot.”
Eddie ran his fingers through his hair, settling into a more comfortable position on the floor.
“Yeah, okay,” he said, his voice clearer than before. “That was stupid of me. But I don’t think it’s fair that Jeff and I are being punished by the label for something you and Gare did.”
Brian scooted forward until their knees were touching. “It’s not and I am sorry about that. My girlfriend had broken up with me at same time I learned that I was asexual and I was in a really bad place. But I shouldn’t have let Gareth talk me into that bender, there was no excuse.”
“I’m afraid if he has another outburst,” Eddie murmured, “that everyone is gonna want us to replace him. The label, our PR firm, even our Chrissy would be forced to concede that the band can’t continue with him in it. And I don’t want that. But I will not have my life dictated to by someone who is four years my junior.”
Brian let out a long shuddering breath. “You’re right. While we’re here, if he’s willing, we should get him some therapy. Because I don’t want to lose him either. You guys are my family and have been forever.”
“Back ‘attcha, Bri,” Eddie murmured. “Last night was so good and I had awesome news for everyone that I couldn’t wait to tell you guys.”
Brian chuckled. “Even more awesome then sex with Steve Harrington? Must have been off the charts then.”
“I snuck out to see The Fallen in concert,” Eddie said chewing on his lip.
“Of course you did,” Brian said rolling his eyes. “And of course if we’d all gone it would have completely ruined their last show because it would have been all about us and not them.” He stuck out his tongue. “You still suck though.”
Eddie laughed. “Just wait, it gets better.”
Brian waved his hand for him to continue.
“So I was also able to get backstage where I got to meet Abbadon–”
“Gareth is going to murder you and then bring you back to life so that he can murder you all over again,” Brian said dryly, shaking his head.
“Do you think he’ll grant me a stay of execution if I told him I asked Abbadon if he thought his band would want a chance to headline for us?” Eddie asked batting his eyelashes and clutching his hands to his chest dramatically.
Brian blinked at him for a moment. “I guess that would depend on if they said yes...” he said honestly.
“All of them have to agree,” he replied with a shrug, “but Abbadon was pretty sure that they would.”
Brian sat there a moment. He licked his bottom lip thoughtfully. “I think we should use it as leverage.”
Eddie’s head reared back. “What do you mean?”
“Tell Gareth that if he gets therapy, The Fallen will tour with us,” Brian explained. “But if he won’t, he has to take the tour off and go into rehab.”
“Oh.”
Eddie chewed on his bottom lip as he thought about it. “I think we should ask Jeff and if he agrees, then that’s what we’ll do.”
Brian nodded. “I love him like a brother, but this was the last straw I think.”
“Let’s call Chrissy in on this, too,” Eddie said.
“Yeah.” He let out a shuddering breath. “Okay, yeah. Let’s do this.”
****
They ended up staging an intervention and using The Fallen as incentive they all got Gareth to agree to counseling.
A therapist would come in twice a week and Gareth would have two hours sessions with this person.
They were carefully vetted by Chrissy and the rest of the band, but finally they decided on one that would help Gareth.
Dr. Sam Owens came in and Eddie, Brian, and Jeff all sat in Brian’s suite, waiting for him to be done.
They tried to work on music but it felt flat without Gareth there. They tried watching a movie but they couldn’t decide which one.
They simple sat in silence until it was five minutes before the session was up. Then they slowly made the trek to Gareth’s suite.
Dr Owens came out first.
“I can’t discuss anything that went on in our session,” he warned.
“It’s just–” Jeff said, distressed. “Are you going to work out with Gareth?”
Brian nodded. “We just want to make sure we don’t need to vet someone else. He’s okay with continuing to see you, right?”
Dr Owens softened. “I understand now. My apologies. Often managers and fellow band members ask– rather, they demand to know what was said.”
“Not cool,” Jeff said. “We’d never. We just want to make sure it goes as smoothly as possible, because we care. We want him to get better.”
Dr. Owens nodded. “Thank you. You should be all right to go in and see him. We didn’t get to anything gritty today.”
They all nodded and bid the doctor goodbye.
Jeff knocked on the door and was promptly told to come in.
All three of them slipped into the suite. Jeff and Brian surged forward and gave him a group hug.
It took them a moment but they realized that Eddie had been quiet this whole time, that he had hung back when they entered the room.
He stood in front of the door with his hands on his lower back, just watching them shower Gareth with affection.
But he didn’t know what to do. Gareth had really hurt him. Had made an event that had been so happy for him and turned it to ash on his tongue. His first time with Steve would always be tainted by Gareth screaming at him.
Steve had been so angry when he heard what Gareth had done and was ready to pull out of the tour, everyone else’s disappointment be damned. But Eddie had talked him down. Told him about the intervention. The deal that could be struck and Steve reluctantly agreed.
One therapy session didn’t make up for all the hurt and anger he had felt.
They all turned to look at him and Eddie felt like he was the one who was in trouble, not Gareth. His lip wobbled as he sucked in a breath.
He turned on his heel and would have ran if he hadn’t felt arms wrap around his waist.
“I’m sorry,” Gareth mumbled into his back. “God, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. You’re my best friend. My brother. I’m so sorry, Ed. Please don’t go.”
Eddie wrapped one hand around Gareth’s arm and pressed the other against the wood frame of the door. He laid his head on the door and let out that shuddering breath in a long exhale.
“You hurt me so bad, Gare,” Eddie whispered. “I don’t know what to do with that.”
He could feel Gareth nodding into his back.
“I don’t know how you didn’t drown like the rest of us,” Gareth said. “But I want to be more like you, Eddie. Please don’t go. I don’t think I could take it.”
Eddie huffed out a sigh.
“It’s because I saw what the worst of those vices did to a person,” he said, slowly turning around so that they were face to face. “And I made a promise to my Uncle Wayne and on my mama’s grave that I wouldn’t turn out like my dad. It hasn’t always been easy, in fact it’s been fucking hard almost all of the time, but I work at it.”
Gareth had tears streaming down his face.
“You’ve got to let me live my life, man,” Eddie finished. “I won’t let you ruin a good thing that I’ve got going for me because you have abandonment issues.”
Gareth let out a shuddering breath. “Yeah. I promise to be better. I promise to stick with therapy. Just promise you won’t give up on me.”
Eddie wrapped his arms around his friend and held on tight. “I promise.”
****
Part 8
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Deep | 06
✧ Pairing:Min Yoongi x reader
✧ genre: angst,fluff,smut,fake dating au,contract
✧ warning(s): explicit language, suggestive content, mature content
✧ synopsis; you're in love with your childhood friend but he does not see you more than just a friend. One day you ask him to be more than just friends, he agrees.
✧ word count: 9.2k+
a/n: I will be opening a taglist for the next chapter, if you want to be added please comment under the index page :)
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Your legs were trembling, gripping the pillow as he had you pressed against the mattress but his palm pressing down on your lower back which had you arching your ass for him. "yoongi, I don't like this" you whine but he ignores you leaving butterfly kisses on your back his hand caressing your ass before landing another blow on your red butt cheek. "fucking asshole" you cry out.
"you're not following the words in your little book sweetheart" picking up the book he shoves it in your view point. "see, now be a good girl and read your line"
"I'm sorry okay, next time you ask to go out I will" you let out a cry when another slap lands on your already hot red cheek "wrong again"
"yoongi I'm serious if you hit me again I'm gonna kick your ass" the smirk on his lips disappear, he lets go of your skirt, causing you to hiss as the fabric touched your bum. once he released the pressure from your lower back you quickly laid on your back, hands on your ass as you glare at him "bitch, that hurt"
"I mean I was hitting you for my own pleasure but obviously it was meant to hurt moron, next time I tell you to go somewhere with me, are you gonna choose your books over me?" you shake your head, not wanting to give him another reason to spank you like a spoiled brat. "you exaggerate" he groans, pulling you onto your side as he palms your ass "its not even that red" he begins to rub your bum as you had been doing "fuck you, let me hit you like you did to me"
laughing he begins to shake his head "if someones gonna be getting spanked it's you, not me. and stop acting like you didn't like it" he pushes aside the cloth of your underwear and rubs your clit "look how fucking wet you are" before you could protest he enters his two long slender fingers into you, the sudden action made you release a moan. a few thrusts of his fingers made that feeling in your stomach more vivid. your shaky voice releases a whine when he pulls out his fingers, hooking them around the hem of your underwear pulling them down.
"can't leave you like this now can I, I wouldn't be a good boyfriend would I" he dips his head kissing your clit, your hitched breath and trembling legs makes him smirk before he starts sucking on your clit. gripping his black locks you let out a chuckle "but you aren't my boyfriend remember" like always there was no reaction from him, but for some reason he hated your comment as his lips trail down to your hole thrusting with his tongue slowly. his fingers move to your clit, causing you to arch your back keeping his pace he doesn't stop no matter your pleads and cries.
you hated how he always won the arguments, bitting down on your lips to not scream his name and fill his ego even more. gripping his hair harder as his locks were tangled in your fingers caused him to moan into your dripping pussy. "fuck hold on I-" but he only fastens his pace when he feels your pussy tightening around his fingers and you feel yourself cumming, yoongi doesn't feel satisfied till he hears your whimpers of the overstimulation caused by him licking your cum.
exhausted you lay on your back, not able to fight with him. you let him have his way with you once more, only sitting up with a smug look as if he was expressing he had control over you. and he wasn't wrong but he wasn't going to hear it from you.
"now tell me y/n, whats better reading your books or having me fuck you with my tongue until your toes curl in pleasure hmm"he mocks a line from the book, holding the hard cover book in his hand and a raised brow as he towers over you "hmm" you take in a deep breath "i don't know, the male lead doesn't keep his girlfriend waiting for weeks to have sex" you roll your eyes.
"you think you deserve to have my cock right now" he scoffs, I've been texting you all morning but you don't answer cause your phone is dead and your heads stuck in these books" he's right, I should at least charge my phone....but I lost track of time.
"I didn't think you'd be up, you went out with jimin and tae last night who knows what you were doing" pushing him away you get off the bed, your nose scrunches at the wet feeling between your legs. the wetness dripping down your legs. "you know we have a rule of not being allowed to see anyone else" he groans, tossing the book onto the bed as he sits on the edge, watching you grab some tissues from the night stand
"wipe your chin" you give him some, before grabbing some for yourself to clean your thighs "rules don't matter when the other person isn't watching" your words caught him off guard, didn't matter? he thought. "will you look at this... you'd expect me to say something like that" he scoffs
"and you know what I've been thinking about it, I don't like certain rules"
"well we sealed it with a kiss already so no adding or taking out" he shrugs
"oh really, didn't you add a rule a couple days ago, what was it? we will never have drunk sex?" you cross your arms
"shit.." you thought he was slow, but the way he leaped off the bed and his hand gripped your jaw pulling you into a kiss as if to seal the last rule into the contract, but failed as your reaction was quick and you blocked it. "y/n, i'm serious"
"oh lighten up, I wasn't saying I don't agree cause I do" you give him a cheeky smile as he lets out a scoff, "what rule, do you want to add"
"none, I was just saying..."
just like he always has, his eyes scan your face trying to understand what you really wanted to tell him. but recently it's as if he lost his touch he can't seem to read you and it was bothering him. it was as if he didn't know you anymore...
"whatever, i'm still pissed at you" he lets go of your jaw, jokingly pushing you away "I wanted to go out and you made me waste time"
"hey, you came in here and saw I was reading and just started spanking me!"
"it's your fault, the skirt was ridding up your ass, shit i couldn't help myself" he shrugs
your heart was in a twisted feeling, you wanted this. you wanted him to be infatuated with you but at what cost? your friendship? it kept you from enjoying this completely, the grim feeling took over all of it. that was another reason you turned off your phone and expected him to just sleep in today.
"whats wrong?"
"nothing.. what did you want to go do?" you give him a small smile. "I told the guys, that we're dating "
"taehyung he was-" annoyed he shakes his head "forget it, they asked to hang out. I told them you weren't answering and that I was gonna check on you and never got back to them" grabbing his phone from the night stand he opens it to find messages from his so called friends being extremely descriptive about how he was probably not answering cause he ended up banging his girlfriend.
they weren't off, but they weren't right either.
"lets just not go, for your own sake"
your mind thought back to how he was so opened with having those girls all over him in parties with his friends that it made you question why he couldn't show you off too.
you're annoying
"lay down" you push on his chest. "why"
"you planning to not give your little situation down there the attention it needs?" you look down at his very visible boner "you don't have to, just leave it"
"but I want to" you whine, pouting your lips. "fuck..." not fighting with you anymore he lets you push him onto the bed, fingers already hooked on hem of his sweatpants and brief "can I ?"
"babe, you don't have to ask. Do what ever you want" he didn't mean that, your mind was anything but quiet. you should be enjoying this but all you could think about was..what ever it doesn't matter you tell yourself. taking of his sweatpants and briefs as he lifts his hips helping you, his cock springs up, pre-cum already glistening his tip.
"you think you can do it" he smirks
"you think I can't?"
"well last ti-" cutting him off by trailing your tongue up his shaft, diving back in, sucking in a deep breath he groans at the sudden touch. detaching my lips with a loud pop. A wet string connecting my lips to his red glistening tip "I had a good teacher"
spitting on his tip before taking him into your mouth once more. you suck on him , not taking him fully but making sure the rest of his cock is getting the attention it needs in your hand. he lets out a chuckle, finding you cute at your attempt of boldness but you weren't anywhere close to being the perfect student you claimed to be. on the other hand you had no idea why he was laughing and it caused you to be self conscious wondering if you weren't doing it right.
gripping his thighs with both your hands as you try to take in as much of his as you possibly could. you're eyes begin to water as you feel him reaching the back of your throat. and he wasn't laughing anymore, his hand was gripping your hair tightly in his fist as you were lowering yourself on him. he moans quietly his voice causing you to get wet once more. "fuck..look at you taking my whole cock in that pretty little mouth of yours" he groans as he thrusts into your mouth, catching you off guard you pull back causing you to cough, but he didn't care. all he could see was how fucked up you looked after having his cock in your mouth the saliva dripping down to your chin.
he groans, feeling his dick twitch "babe, please don't stop now" that was your cue to take him into your mouth again, this time you waste no time and take in his entire length remembering to breath though your nose. "fuck.." you could feel him almost buckle his hips at the sensation. you begin to swallow, tightening your throat around him, the room is filled with the lewd sounds you're making and yoongi moaning your name as he grips your hair.
thrusting his hips into your mouth, you let him fuck your mouth. looking at him through your lashes as you squeeze your legs together to relief some tension between your legs, it doesn't go unnoticed by him, his breath fastens as he tries to not pull his dick out your mouth and shove it inside you doing everything he promised as he'd fuck you raw and fill you up to the brim. just the thought of it made him even more sensitive having your mouth tighten around him "fuck, babe hold on..stop" he growls as you ignore him but stare directly at him sucking harder on his cock. "shit" he slightly pushes you away from him.
you sit back, staring at him confused. "did I do something wrong?"
he breathes out as he tries to control his breathing, "come here" his raspy voice makes your legs twitch as his hooded eyes stare down at you "wha-"
"do you want to have sex or not" he raises a brow, clearly impatient but he won't force you if you didn't want to, even though you were just giving him head maybe you might not be ready to move on.
standing up slowly you undress. he takes it as if you agreed and hooks his arm around your naked waist, roughly in one swift move he has you laying on the bed. your back hitting your soft sheets. if he could, he'd put you on all fours and pound into you from behind, but he held back.
not yet
spreading your legs, he takes his place between them. seeing how wet you were from just having him in your mouth "you're dripping" he comments as he drawls his finger across your heat.
"you ready?" he presses the tip of his cock on your heat, rubbing a mix of your cum and arousal around your entrance. you nod, already impatient to feel him inside you. closing his eyes he lets out a frustrated sigh "fuck" he sits back, looking at you annoyingly
"I didn't bring any condoms" he curses at himself, sitting up you straddle him. sitting on his lap as you squeeze his dick between the both of you
"thats fine we ca-"
"no, I'm not fucking you raw. cause you're not on the pills" he groans when he feels your hand gripping his length and your thumb pressed against his tip "then what do we do" you whisper, pecking his lips with small kisses which were not helping him stay sane.
"fuck, lay on your side" he gently pushes you off his lap onto the bed, you lay on your side. your heart is slamming against your chest when he grips your leg, cock pressed against your heat as your thighs squeeze him. "are you sure you don't have any condoms with you"
"I really don't, I wasn't coming over to have sex with you. and I just realized I don't have any at home either" what you didn't know is that ever since you started acting up he stopped hooking up with people, especially her. He didn't have any condoms cause he wasn't in need of them. but he wasn't going to tell you that, even when he saw the bitter look on your face when he told you that he had none at all.
"you've been busy" he could hear the sarcasm in your voice, watching you roll your eyes at him and bite your inner cheek, only showing him how annoyed you are.
"babe, do you wanna continue or do you want to argue about this" he raises his brow, annoyed with your bratty behavior. but you just wished he'd deny it and tell you that he just hasn't had the need for them since he started dating you. but he didn't, he just had a dissatisfied look on his face with a hint of annoyance since you were ruining the fun.
"I hate you" you snare at him. you really didn't but at this moment you did. and he understood what you meant. "but you just love having my cock pounding into your lying little mouth"
"shut the fuck up, you know you love my mouth wrapped aroun-" lifting your thighs up as he presses them again his chest, laid over his shoulder he thrusts his cock against your pussy as it slides between your thighs "shut the fuck up already" he groans, his dick throbbing.
"fuck you" gripping his shirt you pull him down, lips slamming against each other, devouring each others lips as his lower stomach slams into the back of your thighs sliding his dick at a faster pace.
neither of you break the kiss even when your body was begging you for air, arms wrapped around his neck, moaning into his mouth as your tongues twist. his free hand fondling your breast before giving your nipples a pinch which gave you both a opening to get some air as you gasped.
his intrusive thoughts were getting to him when the tip of his cock was pressed against your entrance. he was drunk on adrenaline, he was ready to just thrust into you and fuck you senseless. he could, he wanted to, he was going to "shit..take a deep breathe in" he bites down on his bottom lip has he aligns his tip to your entrance you completely unaware of whats about to happen.
*ding dong*
both of your bodies freeze, yoongi letting out a small "fuck" as he's pulled back to reality and continues to curse himself for what he was about to do. startled you look at him confused as to why someone was at the door.
"were you waiting for someone" his brows furrowed, shaking your head he groans letting go of your thighs as he moves back giving you space to get off the bed, picking up your close as you look for each piece but failing to find your underwear. you dress rather quickly but you both kept staring at each other wondering who was at the door. once your dressed but still feeling the discomfort between your legs as your pussy was dripping wet. he bites down on his bottom lip, giving your ass a slap as you pass in front of him to get to the mirror and check your appearance. you glare at him, shaking your head in disapproval while he just smirks.
standing up with his dick upright and proud he hugs you from behind, kissing your exposed neck gently "you better send them away and come right back" his hand snaking between your thighs as he rubs your clit "don't make me wait" he thought you were bold, not wearing a underwear under your mini skirt but he kept quiet.
you nod, leaving the room as you shut the door quietly. fixing your hair a bit before opening the door. your eyes widening, as you give a forceful smile.
*･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ*
your mom gives you a tight squeeze as he hugs you, "how have you been my cute little daughter" he laughs, bright smile on his face. you felt sort of guilty for what you were about to do before he arrived.
"i've been good" you kiss her cheek. she pulls away from the hug, "we knocked at yoongis apartment but he didn't come out"
"ah yes it's caus-" she hears another door close and to her surprise it's yoongi coming out of your room "I fixed it" he gives you a nod. automatically walks up to the both of you giving your mom a hug, "Oh, hello yoongi. what are you up to these days" she gives him a squeeze too. pinching his cheek causing him to laugh and giving her his gummy smile she adores. "nothing much, y/n bought new furniture and wanted me to set it up for her" he smiles "and dad?" he looks around, not having seen him when he scanned the room as he walked out.
"oh he's downstairs getting stuff out of the car, we brought you side dishes too. be a sweetheart and go help please" she stops pinching his cheek, giving her a nod he glances at you slightly before heading out.
"what furniture did you get"
"the one I sent you a photo of" you sheepishly smile. "what? that was about a month ago!" she was surprised you were just getting yoongi to set it up. in fact, he set it up for you the moment it got there cause you did not stop rambling about how excited you were to get it. you were surprised when you arrived home from a late class and saw your bedroom light on. since he had gotten home earlier than you and found the package outside your door. He took it as his mission for Friday night to finish it and have the luxury to sleep in cause if he didn't you would've had him up at the crack of dawn pestering him to set it up.
just outside your apartment was a angry yoongi who for all you would know probably has blue balls. his phone rings before he reaches the bottom level, picking it up without looking at the caller ID he rubs his forehead irritated. "what"
"where are you?"
taehyung, of course
"we aren't coming" pushing the door open he looks around to where your dad was parked "why not? come on y'all can bang some other time" he whines
"shut up dipshit, her parents came over"
"liar" y/n's dad waves over at him, lifting his arm to let him know he saw him as he walks towards the car. "shut up"
"how have you been" yoongi speaks up quickly
"tired, she made me drive over here to basically feed you guys" he sighs
"it's taehyung" yoongi stretches his arm towards your dad and he laughs. taking the phone he moves to the side giving yoongi a chance to get some items from the trunk "why are you annoying him so much" your dad lectures taehyung in a playful matter.
"yeah why not" turning to yoongi he has a huge grin on his face " there's enough food, how many of you are there? five?"
yoongi's head snaps up right away and he begins to shake his head "no don't do that" taking the phone from his hand "taehyung if you guys show up, i'll kill you" he hangs up the call after the sudden threat.
your dad can't help but laugh at him.
If they come over they'll never leave.
"how's it going with school" the trunk closes and the two begin to walk towards the building. "good, we're both set to graduate in spring"
your dad was proud, of both of you. there was a father, son connection he had with yoongi after seeing him grow up and all the time he spent in your house. Yoongi not having a great relationship with his father also was a big factor as to why your dad had to teach him everything. but he never complained, since your parents only had you. keeping yoongi around filled the urge of wanting a son.
*･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ*
You both didn't have another "intimate" encounter after that for about two weeks. It would be a lie if I said I didn't want him and me to rush into it and just have sex but there was something blissful of how we could still be friends but there was a hint of affection in everything we did. I think i'm just delusional. Midterms were around the corner and you had no time to be obsessing over yoongi when you were close to failing your midterms.
you were bothering yoongi to spend time with you all week but he said he was busy. then again in the weekend he said he wouldn't have time, but he canceled last minute. yoongi being who he is, decided he'll keep an eye on you; forcing you to study in his apartment instead of yours. "if I let you stay there, you'll give up and pick up one of your books and waste the entire day reading" he scoffs, already annoyed by you trying to convince him that studying on your own would be the best idea; which you weren't lying. being in his apartment made you want to do anything but study.
sitting on the living room floor with all the books and notes spread on the table with your laptop on your lap, yoongi across from you with his glasses you studied his face instead of the paper in front of you. you thought how the glasses should make him look like a nerd but he was still handsome, glasses or not he had that appearance which could make him stand out in the crowd.
his fair, but almost pale white skin made his golden brown eyes stand out. the big frame of glasses he was wearing didn't cover how deep and expressive his eyes were to the point you could get lost if you stared long enough. your eyes drift from his face to the paper but he was still wandering in your mind, keeping you from concentrating.
you wondered if someone else ever thought so deeply about his eyes as you had just done. the girl from the club and the party. the one he has no ties to but they seem to be exclusive came to mind. did she ever stare into his eyes and realized he wasn't all that special but he was definitely unique.
"you're distracted aren't you?" yoongi sighs. taking off his glasses as he sets them down beside his computer, his hand automatically rubbing his eye in annoyance. "could you blame me? i'm hungry". you whine. you weren't lying, all you had was toast with jelly for breakfast and surely that was long gone out of your system by now. he just chuckled as he saw you pout your lips at him, throwing his head back as he groans in frustration "fine, what do you want to eat. hurry up and decide so I can go get it" getting up from his place he walks to the counter to pick up his keys. "you decide, I don't care" you give him a smile knowing your answer would only annoy him more.
"I hate when you can't ever make decisions for yourself when it comes to food" he mumbles loud enough for you to hear, you let out a offended gasp and he laughs "fine i'll decide"
"yoongi"
"hmm" he response, clearly waiting for you to talk
"yoongi" you whine, "what" taking out his shoes from the small shoe cabinet he was thinking about what he was going to get the both of you to eat.
"yoongi" you cry out, making him throw his shoes to the ground as he turns to look at you clearly bothered that you were calling his name and as he asked what you wanted you didn't respond.
"where's my kiss" you pout, trying to be cute.
"you don't deserve one, i'm telling you what you want and you're being annoying" he scowls
"please" he sighs, making his way to you as he crouches down his hand gently cubbing your face as he presses his lips onto yours. your arms wrap around his neck as you pull him down making him chuckle, "hold on will you, weren't you hungry"
his arms were on your sides as his palms were on the ground keeping him from falling on top of you. "but I miss you"
"y/n we're literally always together" you peck his lips again, but don't stop there as you take his bottom lip between your teeth, tugging on his lip. his hand holds your nape as he kisses you. deepening the kiss, you let him take control. you let yourself fall slowly, back against the ground as he hovers over you without leaving your lips unattended.
your legs wrapped around his torso, pressing his body into yours. you both smile, if anyone asks you'd say you were studying your favorite subject as your hands made there way under his shirt.
"I have to go get something to eat" he catches his breath, staring into your eyes that were begging him to not leave "you're really thinking about food right now"
"yes, yes I am" he gives you his gummy smile that melts your heart each time. leaning down, he kisses your forehead "once you get on the pill then we'll have sex, but first pass your midterms" he gives you one last kiss before jumping up and leaving before you could drag him back. he wasn't wrong you hadn't gotten the pill yet since you've had been busy to go. just as you wanted it to happen so did he but right now it was you who was behind the hold up.
it had been a good hour since yoongi was gone, so when you heard the door bell go off you asked yourself if he had brought too much to the point that he couldn't open the door or was he just being lazy. putting your book down that you had sneaked in you walk to the door "really yoongi, how much did you brin-" your heart falls to your ass, it wasn't yoongi who you suspected. "oh?" she glares at you, her eyes glancing behind you as she looks inside searching for something..no...someone. "you're that girl, whats your name?" her eyes weren't hiding the dissatisfaction of seeing you instead of who she was expecting.
"shouldn't you be introducing yourself, you're the one knocking at my door" you scoff, hand on your hip as the other holds the door open enough for you to be seen but you block her view to the inside since you saw her sneaking a peek. "Eunju" she gives you a cheeky smile. "and you?"
"y/n" you smile back.
"right...where's yoongi"
your jaw clenched, you wanted to shut the door in her face and walk away but there was something that was bothering you. there was a rule yoongi set for himself, which is that he would never bring anyone to his place, cause you were next door and he just thought it would be better that way. so how did she know where he lived, clearly she had been here.
"not home" you reply, hinting at her to leave.
she eyes you, from bottom to top and then lets out a small laugh "so are you another one of his toys" she crosses her arms.
"excuse me?"
"well you're in his apartment, and you're being so defensive towards me cause clearly you know who I am" she had you choked up, she was right. you laugh, trying to keep your cool, but your palms were sweating and you were getting annoyed on how she could read you. "seriously, eunju? is that what you said your name was...anyways what are you doing here"
"I had plans with yoongi but he canceled on me, guess you're not so bad yourself to have him pick you over me" she shakes her head disagreeing with her own words.
"had he ever invited you to his apartment" you question her, finally asking the one thing you were really curious about. "well i'm here aren't I sweetheart" and that was it, that was the last thing you needed to hear to give up.
"well then come in" you smile "he'll be back soon" you walk inside letting her enter on her own, shutting the door. you ignore her stares as you walk into the living room sitting in your spot, quickly and discretely shoving the book you had just been reading into your bag. "oh, I misunderstood the whole situation y/n, you're both just study buddies huh" she had a smirk on her face, you wanted to just launch yourself at her and rip all her hair off her head. but you kept calm, the person you're really mad at is yoongi.
"what gives you that impression"
"well whenever I meet him we aren't holding books" you smile at her words, confusing her as she sits in yoongi's spot "maybe that's why you're so clingy, he barely gives you his time or attention" you shake your head, low chuckles.
you both just kept smiling at each other, waiting for either one to just talk.
"y/n, let me give you a warning"
lifting your head from the laptop that was on your lap you stare into her hazel eyes, which had a hint of silver. there's a moment of silence before she places her elbows on the table, she leans forward looking at you with a mocking smile "you and I are no different"
"don't be a delusional fool and make yourself think you're special to him"
"from all the people he's gotten involved with, the reason why i'm the only one he keeps coming back to is because i'm not some clingy bitch who wants more than just a good time. to him we're just a source of pleasure. nothing more" she looks at the books and moves some papers around before getting up from the floor "all of this, don't act like you can change him. he might be infatuated with you right now but once he gets sick of you he'll toss you to the curb"
you could feel your heart beating against your chest, but at this moment you were questioning if it was in your chest, the beat was so loud in your ears and you could feel it in your palms.
the last rule came to mind, the moment this was over he wanted to have nothing to do with you. her words were affecting you. "you got it all wrong" looking up at the pretty girl in front of you, you stand up. you both weren't taller than one another but she was slightly taller than you.
"unlike you, i know how to value myself. if you're going to let a man treat you like that then thats you. but I would never let anymore treat me like i'm just some toy for them to play with and then toss aside"
stepping around the table your face to face with yoongi's lover "I don't give a fuck who you are or what you think my relationship with yoongi is but don't fucking disrespect me"
there was tension, her soft gaze at you made you feel irritated. but you stood your ground.
the door then opens, but neither of you move from where you were standing, clearly having a stare off and you weren't planning to lose.
"y/n i've been texting you. why ar-" he stops mid sentence, shocked to see who was in his living room. he stares at eunju and glances back at you. mentally cursing himself, "we have a guest yoongi" you say, not breaking eye contact and neither does she.
"y/n" yoongi calls your name, placing the food on the counter. he walks towards the two of you. placing his hand on your shoulder he calls your name again, glaring at eunju. she knew from the look of his eyes that he was pissed at her. but she accomplished what she wanted by coming here. she wanted to know what the fuck was going on, and who yoongi was spending most of his time with. thinking she'd find some clingy bitch she ended up finding something more interesting.
"I like you y/n" she smiles, turning around, swatting his arm off of you. "well eunju since you took out time of your day to come here it would only be polite of me to not make you leave without talking to your friend, right" you smile at her, eyes creasing making her laugh "that's very kind of you y/n" she looks at yoongi who was watching you gather your things from the table. "y/n wait"
"make sure to eat, he brought food" you continue to ignore him, only talking to eunju who gives you a small nod.
"y/n"
you look up at yoongi, you could see how terrified he was. He knew that this was going to make shit worse between the two of you. "see you around" you tell her
"see you, sweetheart" it's not her fault, that were both wrapped around his fucking finger.
yoongi follows you to the door as you reach down to get your shoes "y/n, hold on."
"what" you tell him nonchalant
"what is she doing here"
"thats what I wanna know too" you spat, shaking your head in disbelief
"well why did you let her in?"
"just try not to be too loud" you give him a sarcastic smile, patting his shoulder a couple of times. He stares at you, angry. shoes finally on you open the door, shutting it behind you.
*･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ*
The phone rings a third time before I can hear her in the other end, "hey babes, what can I do for you" she laughs, and not just a laugh meant for just you but a laugh that tells you that there are people with her and you're probably being a burden right now but it was important. you say her name desperately and she knew something was wrong. excusing herself from where ever she was you can hear how the music becomes faint and a door shuts cutting of all the chaos.
you fill her in quickly, not wasting her precious time. jihye exhales, "Damn!"
"i know" you sigh
"what the hell were you thinking?"
"what? me? he's the one who clearly has had her over" you defend yourself, you could imagine her rolling her eyes at your response "and who's the idiot that left him alone in a apartment with one of his fuck buddies"
"look, I was angry"
"clearly, just...i'll be there soon" jihye hangs up, "what??, why?!" you yell into the phone annoyed that she was coming.
"I don't hear anything" ear up against the wall, jihye gives you a thumbs up which you respond by rolling your eyes. "I didn't call you so you can come and try and eavesdrop next door, and by the way it's gross"
pushing off the wall she turns and stares "you are way to calm, just to be clear you know they could be fucking right now right"
"not that I care, but the walls are thin you would've heard something. and why are we talking about this" you brush off her comments getting up from your seat as you turn on the stereo, music from the last CD you had played begins. jihye sits back clearly annoyed with you. "how would you know when the two of you were fuc--"
"jihye!" you yell but not as loud, not sure if yoongi would hear you but you didn't want him to know she was here.
"he's never brought no one here"
"righttt" she gives a toothy grin "she just magically knows where he lives. and not just that but she confessed they had plans but he canceled"
"he said he wouldn't" you spat back, trying to convince yourself
"right, didn't you say he had no condoms either? what do you think happened?? disappeared in thin air?"
she was right and it was making you nauseous of how right she was. but what could you do, he was next door with someone he's willing to...doesn't matter.
"we don't even know if she's still there, she could've left"
"you're not wrong, but do you really think two hot people in the same place. alone and horny aren't going to fuck?"
"you're a horrible friend" you began to feel sniffly all of a sudden, tears threatening to fall soon. "I'm just....look I can cheer you on but do you really want to be with someone who makes you feel this way? it's not healthy"
she wasn't wrong it was becoming more stressful now than it was before you both were doing what ever you're doing. "should I just break it off with him" you fall back onto the sofa, she gives you the face that states "well it's your business" as she shrugs.
"can I stay over, I took a cab here and i'm a bit tipsy" she points at you then herself "we can have a sleep over, while we wait to see what happens"
"you just want to be nosey" you snap at her, shaking your head as your grin. annoyed but amused of her boldness.
"you know you love me" she shouts, arms thrown around you, "not right now I don't"
jihye knew what she was getting into by asking me to stay over, early next morning theres a knock on my bedroom door followed by yoongi's soft voice calling my name. But it wasn't me who got out of the bed and opened the door but jihye. He wasn't shocked, or at least didn't show it on his beautiful face thats always has a cold expression. "y/n" he calls my name, jihye not opening the door wide enough for him to see if I was even in the room. "she's asleep" she gives him her perfect "fuck off" face and he took it with no offense.
"Y/n, I we need to talk" he exhales, exhausted.
in fact you were awake, you were staring at the ceiling contemplating if you should get up ever since the first knock. The only reason why you're moving towards the door with jihye's back facing you is because you know these two are hardheads and they're going to crash.
hand on jihye's shoulder she looks back, and you finally get a glimpse of the man who has your heart in the palm of his hand and he uses it as a stress ball squeezing the fuck out of it every chance he gets.
"y/n we have to talk" jihye puts her arm around my shoulder protectively, stares yoongi down "alright go ahead" she responds, letting out a scoff he looks up at jihye, "alone"
you want to think that she was doing this for you and partially it is but she's always thought yoongi was a pain in the ass so she must be enjoying this a lot.
"jihye" you say her name softly, making her exhale before opening the door and pushing past yoongi "y/n, yesterday-"
"why didn't you come yesterday" it was a solid question. why didn't he just kick her out and then come over to your apartment right away and explain?
"because you left without explaining why you let her in and I just didn't want to argue" he says with a pointed look. "yoongi" I say with the most patient voice, but I didn't continue. it was silent, we both stood in the door way as he leaned on it shoulder against the wall his eyes never leaving me. "nothing happened"
you scoff, "yet you're only coming now"
"you left so I don't understand why you're mad, as my girlfriend you should've stayed" he's nonchalant, full of himself thinking he's completely right and innocent. but I don't know why I left, if it was what she said to me or that she knew where he lived. maybe it was both.
"what? you told her we were a thing?" you ask, head slightly tilting to the side. he lets out a long sigh "a thing? you mean if I told her we were dating then yes, yes I did" he shakes his head in disapproval, but he wanted to laugh. he loved seeing you mad with your cheeks puffed out and your darting eyes glaring at him. He loved it, but he kept this to himself for his own sake.
"y/n did she say something to you? why are you angry? look she didn't leave right away we sat and talked. there was something we needed to sit and talk about so I took advantage of you letting her into my place"
"how did she know where you lived, did you bring her over before" your brow raises, arms crossed as you wait for him to answer. "this is why I don't date, you females are so" he takes a deep breath before probing himself off the wall "she got my address from one of my friends, I don't know who, she didn't tell me" he says, passing by me heading to me bed, to his back I say "what's so great about her that you're exclusive with her"
"exclusive?" he laughs "where did you get that?"
"no matter who you ever hooked up with it was always a one time thing, but not with her. why?"
"look, I don't really wanna talk about my sex life with you. and first of all we aren't exclusive" you knew why, cause she's pretty, beautiful even. she has a nice body and perfect skin of course he'd want her to himself and she'd want him. "your just stalling because you don't want to answer the question"
his voice raises "I answered, you just didn't like my answer. y/n you always make me the bad guy. always make the worst of situations we were just talking alright, you don't have to be nasty about it. when would I have time to go see anyone especially her?! you're already a handful as it is. there's no one else so stop acting like a brat" jihye walks up the hall towards your room, eyes wide as she hears him yell at you. ever since she's known the both of you he's never yelled at you. you were as surprised as her too. she gives you a small wave as she runs towards the front grabbing her shoes and leaving you alone with him.
"i'm not you're toy you can play with and then toss away when you're done" you spat
"you know you mean more to me than anyone else, the fact that this is even crossing your mind is because you're just being dramatic" he says softly.
"she's pretty"
"you're gorgeous" he response automatically.
he didn't like this, you comparing yourself to her.
"she said you had plans with her but canceled last night" he shuts his eyes, inhaling "yes I was going to meet her but to do exactly what I did last night. talk to her and tell her that I wouldn't be seeing her anymore. that we are dating and that it was over" you wouldn't of had to do that if you weren't exclusive you thought.
"can we please move on from this, and don't ever talk about yourself like that. you know you mean the world to me y/n, I would never treat you like that"
"but yet you have"
his eyes staring at yours, confused of what you could be talking about.
"you said the moment you called this off, you wanted nothing to do with me"
*･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ*
After that morning, yoongi seemed as if he was lost in thought a lot. Jimin caught us on campus a few days after and invited us to a "small" get together but we knew it was going to be anything but small. you look at yoongi expecting him to answer be he was just lazily looking at you as he shrugged "sure we'll be there" you give him a small smile. jimin stared at the two of you confused as to why the both of you were acting weird. but he came to the conclusion that you both just a stupid little couple fight and will get over it soon.
he couldn't be more wrong. "yoongi" you say his name after entering his car but he was still silent only a small hum left his throat. "are you mad?"
he purses his lips, "not at you if thats what you wanted to know" he says softly, his voice sounded tired as if he was trying to not come off as harsh.
"then who? eunju?"
"no, myself" he answers. the rest of the ride was quiet.
stepping out of the car, he shuts the door. you were wearing a pair of jeans with a cute blue off shoulder trim blouse. "won't you get cold"
"thankfully you brought a sweater"
"yeah but if i'm cold don't expect I'm going to take it off for you. should've brought something yourself" he grins, holding you hand as he walks towards the already loud house, people were out front in the lawn others were sitting on the front porch. "let's just head inside, and get this over with"
everyone knew that you both were a item, you wanted to ask yourself but the answer came to you the moment you entered the house and among the turning heads eunju was one of them but she was the only who didn't look surprised or murmured. instead she just smiled at you and drank from her red cup, you returning the smile.
yoongi was oblivious to the both of you, he was looking around for his friends, spotting jimin "there he is, come on" his hand on your lower back as he guides you through the crowd. you felt self conscious, there were people around you talking about how yoongi left eunju for someone like you, you knew yoongi heard them too but it was as if he was ignoring them.
you tug on his sleeve "everyone's talking about us"
leaning down to your height, he whispers into your ear "isn't this what you wanted? to basically own me, have everyone say you're my girlfriend?" he stared into your eyes, waiting for a response, but his cold answer made you shut you mouth. "now deal with it" he kisses your forehead, returning to the conversation he was having with someone who you didn't know their name.
you stared at him, confused. this is the first actual conversation you both had since that day. he was already acting weird so this only added more into the fire. "i'm going to go get a drink" you say rather quickly, walking out of the room before yoongi could say anything to you. you walk through the crowded halls until you stumble into the kitchen, just were I wanted to be.
there was a table set up in the middle with cups and drinks, tons of bottles of alcohol. you didn't feel like drinking, since midterms were basically next week you did not want to waste time dealing with a hangover rather than studying. picking up a cup you walk over to the fridge filling up your cup with water.
"hey" you hear someone speak behind you, the voice you right away recognized. "hello" you turn around once your cup was filled, and you were right it was eunju. lifting the cup up you take a sip, not breaking eye contact with her. "seems like you told everyone about yoongi and me" you smile. "you're welcome" she takes a drink from her cup too.
"oh, i should be thanking you?" you let out a small laugh
"I was only doing you a favor, you know how many were lined up to get a taste of your boyfriend" she raises brow. "I don't know what's going on between the both of you but just know that I hope you keep in mind the words you said that night"
"oh yeah? and what did I say exactly" you were noticing all the people were gathering in the entrance of the kitchen, staring at the two of you. probably wondering if there was about to be a fight between the two of you. but they weren't going to see one, at least not today.
"that you aren't like the rest of us" lifting her red cup she raises a brow, you raise your as she hits your cup with hers "cheers to that"
you both drink the remaining of your cup, her being the one to walk away first. as you watched her leave you thought about what you told yoongi when this whole absurd idea came to mind, that you hated him playing with these girls hearts.
"y/n" you hear yoongi's voice call your name. turning around you see him at the opposite side of the table "are you alright"
"never been better" you smile
"what are you drinking?"
"water, didn't feel like getting drunk today"
he gives you a slight nod "come, lets go out back. namjoon just got here" reaching out his hand you walk towards him intertwining your fingers with his. this was normal, even before you both dated. if you attended a party with him he never let you leave his side.
you were sitting with taehyung and jungkook, since yoongi was talking to namjoon and jin you felt as if you needed to give him space. jungkook was someone you had really just got to know today. you'd see him occasionally but there was never a opportunity for the both of you to actually talk. "so you're hyung's girlfriend" he hands you a drink.
"yeah" you nod, taking a sip of the drink without realizing he had handed you tequila. you give him a "what the fuck" look and he laughs "what? you looked stressed, one cup won't do nothing to you" he continues to laugh. taking your cup he hands his to you "fine fine, here's your water. I was just messing with you" shaking your head you drink from the cup after taking a sniff which his hand grips his shirt above his heart "wow I trick you once and you don't trust me no more"
taehyung laughs at his younger friend "should've made her drink the whole cup" he scoffs "when it comes to dating or being involved with yoongi in any way you need about three of those cups to get through the night"
yoongi, looks around, you watch him. his eyes finally finding you he nudges his chin towards the door. you give him a small nod, grabbing your purse from behind you. "well i'll see you later" you smile at the two of them who were turning their attention to someone getting thrown into the pool.
"it's late, we should start heading back" he says once you reach him. "yeah, i'm tired already" you yawn. his eyes narrow, "did you drink?"
"just a bit, jungkook gave it to me...can we go? my feet are killing me" and he was right it was getting chilly and you weren't planning to ask him for his jacket, walking passed him you enter the house which had less people since a lot of them were already in the back.
"since when are you close with jungkook?" yoongi follows behind closely, he was taking off his jacket ready to place it on your shoulders.
"i'm not, todays the first day I actually talk to him" you shrug, grinning when you feel him place the jacket on your back "put it on, you'll get sick" he mutters, pressing a button on his control his car makes a sound as the doors unlock.
"you should've gotten to know jungkook before we started doing this" he says, entering the car.
"why?"
"who knows, you two could probably hit it off and could've dated"
oh
you stay silent, he turns to you slightly as he places his hand on the back on your seat as he pulls out of the drive thru "and you would've been fine with it" you say, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth, as if you heart pounds against your chest. "who knows, there's no point of thinking about it now. we're together " moving the gear shift once on the street he leans over and kisses you.
you hated him. right now, you wanted to open the door and just walk home.
"now i'm curious, what's so great about him"
yoongi grins, eyes on the road he doesn't respond to your childish remark. annoyed you face the window, getting comfortable as his jacket keeps you warm. you drift to sleep.
the last thing on your mind was jungkook, the man you just met for the first time. as your eyes closed all you could think about was how the piercing on his lip complimented his features and you thought about how you stared at his arm and wondered what all his tattoos meant.
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#min yoongi x reader#yoongi fanfic#yoongi scenerio#yoongi smut#bts smut#namjoonscofeeshop#bts angst#bts college au#bts fluff#bts fake dating
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"maybe if you weren't a fool."
anime: chainsaw man
characters: denji, hayakawa aki, higashiyama kobeni
summary: it just takes them a while to figure out you actually have feelings for them. if they had actually tried, then maybe they would've noticed earlier.
warnings: g/n! reader, they/them pronouns used, second person pov, oblivious characters, kinda' sad in kobeni's part
↣ denji:
"you're treating me to lunch again?" he mumbles, walking beside you as you exit makima's office. you take off your jacket; it was always so cold in her room, and you never understood why. "hell yeah! thanks l/n!"
you smile at him, texting aki and himeno that you wouldn't be able to make it to lunch today. himeno sent you a sad face and aki gave you a thumbs up. whilst younger than the two, they had enjoyed your company at lunches. "it's okay. i like spending time with you, denji." you say to him.
he flushes at your words. you've always been incredibly nice to denji, treating him out to lunch, picking him up so he doesn't need to walk around (power always comes along and demands she sit in the front with you, and you let her), and even giving him spare shirts since he always seems to tear his ones up.
"i like hangin' out with you too, l/n." he claims, watching you smile at him again, "you ain't mean to me like topknot, and power always steals all me food. but you don't do anything of that... you're super cool."
"thank you, denji." you chuckle out, heading into the nearest cafe with him at your tail. being a devil hunter was by no means easy, so letting out steam helped quite a lot. "anything you like the look of?" you ask as you sit down in a booth isolated from everyone else.
"the waf—wafe—"
"waffles."
"yes, those." he replies, thankful for your help. he pokes a finger at the menu, where the picture sat beneath his index. "can i get that?"
you nod your head. "sure thing, i love waffles too. what flavour did you want?"
"there's different flavours?" he mutters to himself. below the picture are the said flavours. he gasps, "there's so many! l/n, i don't know which one to pick!"
you stifle another laugh as you say, leaning over and pointing on his menu, "let's start off with the cinnamon ones and the chocolate ones. you can finish two servings, yeah?"
his jaw drops a little as he frantically nods hos head. you grin, looking back at your menu. "good. and i'll get some noodles. i had to skip breakfast for a devil." you wave over a waiter nearby. "what drink?"
"nothin' too sweet or sour." he says, not really knowing what to ask for. you give him two options and he chooses the second, not remembering the first. after the waiter takes your order, he sits happily. "thanks again, l/n."
you watch him wait excitedly and smile softly. he was just so cute. "it's alright, denji. i know that we're co-workers, but i want to see you enjoy yourself outside of the public safety division." you claim, seeing him stare back at you, "we're the same age, so i can show you what it's like to be a teenager. ah — as much as i can."
denji watches you cross your arms and lean against the table. "i'll try and help you live a happy life." you say earnestly.
his heart leaps, your kindness knew no bounds with him. "i will, i promised pochita and now i promise you!" he says, jutting a thumb into his chest, "why is it that you are so nice to me anyway? did aki tell you to?"
you shake your head. "i just don't want anything bad to happen to you. having you around is nice, and you always know how to make me feel better." you claim, drinking arriving at that time. you stir your straw. "you're... important to me."
denji stirs. he doesn't know what to say to that, or even how to act. his heart was beating so loud, he would yell at it to shut up, but he didn't want to embarrass you. sweet you, always so generous. he's feeling overwhelmed by you.
you were never pushy with him. never ordered him around or forced him to do certain things. you gave him that choice. and if he rejected the option to do something he didn't want to, you only said 'okay' and tried to figure it out. times like that, you were especially cute, sitting at your desk and scribbling on paper, concentrating hard.
denji would usually sit right beside you, leg against leg, and watch over your shoulder. he liked it when you spoke out loud, he could hear your thoughts. your voice wasn't always smooth, sometimes quick and heavy as you trudged through your problems. but you were just so dreamy to him.
and soon enough, he's standing up.
"can i borrow your phone? i need to call aki." he claims, beginning to sweat with nerves. you blink once and hand him your phone, open and on aki's contact. you tell him how to call someone, and he thanks you before rushing out the door.
he hides around the corner before calling aki, who answers in a heartbeat.
"y/n? aren't you at lunch with denji?" he speaks, some soft music in the background.
"it's me, i think i'm hurt." denji blatantly says, earning a grunt from the other side, "i'm serious! my heart hurts 'n i wanna' run like... 7 billion races! i think it's a devil attack!"
aki sighs out, "when did this happen?"
"when l/n was sitting in front of me. they were tellin' me 'bout how much they care about me." denji admits. he then grows irritated. "ugh! also! this waiter looked at them way longer than he needed to! i wanted to strangle the guy!"
aki feels as if he was being stupid on purpose. "denji, you have a crush on y/n. that feeling you have? it's called attraction." he explains, shaking his head at the table while himeno wonders who he's talking about. "and if you haven't noticed, they have a crush on you too."
"you mean they like me?" he whispers, pointing to himself in a puzzling daze.
"yes, you moron. it's so obvious, even power knows." aki explains, rubbing his temple, "now do whatever you want, i haven't finished eating. bye." he hangs up without a reply from denji.
the blonde grows even more confused. he liked you? when did that happen? and when did you start liking him? it was all too strange for denji.
though he marches back into the cafe and sits down in front of you, determined look on his face. you blink at his changed demeanour. "are you okay, denji?"
"yes!" he answers loudly, earning a hush from staff while he returns the phone. he sits small again, food in front of him in no time, and he is no longer paying attention to the hot and good-looking food in front of him.
instead, the delicacy of your touch and how you carefully gather soup in your spoon before drinking it. "this is really good. you want to try some?" you offer, already putting some noodles, broth and some of the rest of the ingredients that was in your serving.
he graciously takes it from you, still surprised by the revelation he was facing. "thank you... you're so nice to me..." he says quietly, feeling his face heat up at your reaction.
"because i like you, denji." how could you say it with such a straight face?
you were so very under control, and he thinks to himself 'how the hell am i going to get them to be mine?'.
you could almost slap him. he should know that you were already his from the beginning.
his stupidity amazed you.
↣ hayakawa aki:
aki was a tough one. he was so cold when he first joined the public safety division, granted you were the same when you joined only three months before him, but still. you were both after the same thing, and both under the care of himeno, who had just lost her partner.
she grew attached to the both of you, and cracked your shells quite easily. you were thankful for her charismatic nature, it made you feel like you were going easy. himeno was like an older sister to you. and just like one, she knew when you had developed feelings for aki.
"i'm so sorry, y/n and aki, i can't come in today!" himeno sighs out over your phone in a distressed tone. you could call her out on her bullshit right then and there. "i've got a thing going on that i can't miss, take care of today's work for me? thank you!"
she hangs up before you can even respond, aki beside you only rolling his eyes before grabbing his sword against the wall and heading towards the first devil hunt of the day. "let's get going, y/n." he calls.
you walk after him, stuffing your phone into your pocket and holding your own weapon in its cover. "she's full of surprises." you comment, turning the corner as he does, "yesterday she was telling me about this nice place in yokohama she wanted to go to. i bet she's on her way there at this moment."
aki hums out, slowing his pace to walk beside you, "you're probably right. it's fine, we'll be okay."
you look back at him. his eyes are set on the path in front, navigating your way through the crowd of people towards the location of a devil that was due to be exterminated. he was always on track, never losing sight of what he had in mind, and never taking a break from all the stress. the bags under his eyes were obvious, beginning again. you could tell he was just so tired.
so after you deal with the devils for the day and head to aki's apartment, where power and denji are running amuck, you decide to help him. the door opens and the duo are automatically talking to the both of you.
"you're back already! was it boring? apparently you guys were in a hell of a big fight today!" denji claims, pointing to the tv. on it plays the fight from four hours ago, you and aki running around trying to dispose of the devil that was too quick and destructive for your liking. aki pinches the bridge of his nose. "man, you two looked stupid!"
"human, you brought snacks!" power calls upon you in the kitchen as you set your things down to rest. she's already grabbing at your pockets, making you raise your arms up to let it be easier. then, she pulls out a half empty pack of gum, holding it up high. "aha! i have found it!"
you peel off your jacket, throwing it on the counter as you chuckle, "okay, you and denji can have it. don't eat it all at once—nevermind."
aki has already disappeared into the washroom, and you follow along, closing the door to the bathroom to drown out the noise denji and power were making as they rattled into the bedroom. your friend is in front of the mirror, dabbing the open cuts on his face with rubbing alcohol and a cotton ball. he's wincing a little before finishing up, dropping the bloodied ball into the bin with the rest.
his jacket was thrown into the bathtub along with his weapon, strewn cuts along the back and sleeves. you leaned against the countertop, watching his try to disinfect the slice on his neck and chin. "do you need help with that?" you inquire.
"no, it's..." he begins, trying to feel for the wound as he can't exactly see it, but he gives up, "yeah... yeah, please."
you shift over, now in between him and the mirror as you continue leaning against the sink. aki looks to the ceiling, in a bit of pain as you clean his cut, a gentle hand on his chin to move his head to get a better angle, ever so gentle. you've done this countless times, and he always starts to reject before ultimately accepting your help.
the first aid kit sits beside you and you grab another cotton ball. "i told you that i should've been the bait." you say quietly, hearing his exhale through his nose, "i'm just saying. you're better at attacking and i'm good at hiding."
"bait is supposed to be seen." aki argues with you, one hand bracing against the sink as he stands there, "and it was fine. not all of the building crashed down on me."
you knit your brow, throwing away the dirtied cotton balls. "most of it did. i could've gotten out of there, easy." you say, almost like it was supposed to 'one-up' aki. but it wasn't. you didn't like how he was the one all scathed as you left without a drop of your own blood. "next time, we follow my plan."
aki sighs out, closing his eyes, "whatever."
you pull away, allowing him to rest his neck and look at you. he seemed even more tired than from this morning. you busy yourself with digging through the first aid kit for the correct bandage. "listen, can i take denji and power out for a few hours? i'll bring them home by dinner."
"why?" he questions, watching as you put the kit back and begin to peel open a bandaid.
"they need to get out of the house every once in a while, y'know. they can come to mine, hang out there for a bit." you claim, holding his chin again and pressing the bandaid onto his wound, "it'll be fun for them. and they won't eat too much before they come back."
he thinks for a moment, seeing the ceiling above them swirl. but then he retorts, "yeah, okay. that's fine. call if you need any help."
you nod your head, resting your hand on his shoulder. aki turns his gaze back to you, about to ask if you were going to stay for dinner as well, when you carefully lean forward and plant a kiss on his cheek. it's soft and warm, like the feeling he gets in his heart when you commit your action.
it happens all too quickly and he's wide-eyed by the time you pull back. you only grin, squeezing his shoulder a little bit. "rest up, okay? they'll be gone for three hours. you know you need some shut eye, aki." you say, standing up fully and brushing passed him to the bathroom door, "don't worry about denji and power, i can handle them. i just... i want you to get some rest. do that for me?"
he unconsciously nods his head, face beginning to heat up at your action. the smile on your lips after his confirmation only worsens it.
"great. i'll see you for dinner, aki." you say, closing the door behind you.
he faintly hears you calling their names and gathering your things, heading to the door with your keys. you say something about having these new toys for meowy that you keep forgetting to bring, so power picks up her cat and denji in tow and follows you out of the apartment.
it's quiet for aki now. it lets him hear just how loud his heart was thumping in his chest as he looks himself in the mirror. he's watched you all these years, he knows how you act and you don't act that way with just anyone, not even himeno (although she has drunkenly kissed you as a thanks for grabbing her more beer, as she has done with everyone). would it be a stretch for him to believe you had feelings for him? why else would you kiss his cheek like that?
all of this is confirmed when he gets that text from a certain eye-patched devil hunter asking 'how did your date with y/n go?'.
he cooks you extra for dinner and buys you breakfast the next day.
↣ higashiyama kobeni:
"she's crying again!" power jumps, pumping a fist into the air and waving it around while you and aki come back from grabbing lunch. it's not hard to notice kobeni sitting on the couch, looking nervous as power and denji stand around her.
you sigh, putting the food down on the coffee table, "what did you two do?" kobeni has her knees to her chest, arms wrapped around her legs as she cries silently, slowly. you then think, looking to aki. "can you take lunch outside?"
he raises a brow before you nod your head to the girl. your friend understands, leaving two boxes of lunch on the table and picking up the rest. "denji. power. let's go." he calls, watching the duo chase him out of the room and outside.
"kobeni." you say, sitting down on the other side of the couch she was on. the girl only peeks out from over her arms, seeing now only you. your leg is over your knee, one arm on the shoulder of the couch and the other resting on your lap. "are you okay?"
she sniffles, "i... yeah..." kobeni pulls her legs back down to rest her feet on the floor. she plays with her fingers on her lap, aware of your gaze on her. "i'm okay..."
you furrow your brows, a frown on your lips. she glances at you with glossy eyes, and you let out a sigh, "alright." your arms spread out. "come here."
she lets a few tears fall before crawling over to your side, hugging herself as you wrap your arms around her, allowing kobeni to sit in between your legs as you leaned against the armrest. she wept noisily, crying into your shoulder about power's relentless teasing and how she was so scared during today'd fight that she would die. you can only listen and rub her back.
the girl was only a year younger than you, and had felt like she was on the brink of death more timed than you can count. you don't think you've ever encountered a devil hunter as scared of devils as she.
"you're going to be okay, kobeni. it's alright." you say, feeling her shiver intensely. your warmth shielded over her cold skin, and she could feel herself growing calmer by the second. "you did very well today. you cleared the area in time and saved lots of people. we were able to keep them away from the devil because of you."
kobeni sniffles, grabbing at your white shirt, "it was so scary."
you blink at her tone, sighing back and rubbing her shoulder gently, "i know, it was. but you did so well. thank you, kobeni." she reluctantly lets go of your warmth, and you see her tear-stricken face. it hurts your chest to see her this way, such a gentle person, erasing away. your brows crease. "you don't deserve to be wasting in a place like this."
she wants to reply, to say how much she wanted to go to school instead of sit here and cry. but you know all of that. which is why you look at her this way, and why you wipe the tears from her cheek, placing a kiss to her forehead. a common occurrence, and part of her knows that you do this to calm her down.
you know that you care too much for kobeni to stand there and let her cry her eyes out. you were right; she was too good for this kind of job.
"i'll get you out of here, i promise. help you find another job, one that pays well, better than the public safety division." you state, looking her confidently in the eyes. her frown is wobbly as she nods her head. "you'll be safe, and live a normal life. i want to give you what you want."
she nods again.
deciding that was enough for today, you lean away. kobeni keeps hold of your sleeve, letting you keep a hand on hers as you reach over and grab her lunch. "come on, lets eat up. you did a lot of sprinting today, and i've never seen someone dodge quite so skilfully." you comment, handing her some chopsticks.
she finally lets go of your hand to begin eating. you know that she needs to get full in order to feel better. so you start to eat as well. this is where small-talk ensues. you begin to talk about your days outside of the public safety division, and she will ask about certain details. you answer. a back and forth. sometimes, kobeni will be the one with stories. about how envious she was of her brother, the favourite, or how her parents never allowed her to outshine him. you despise those who play favourites.
as you talk, she begins to wonder: 'why do you do all of this? why are you so nice?'. you've never had a reason to do that, she's never owed you anything... at least, she didn't think so.
when you look at her, making sure she was eating her lunch, kobeni turns back to her food. you only smile and sit closer to her. "do you feel okay now?" you ask her.
she nods slowly. "mhm." she hums out. the tone of your voice, she knows it. it's the same sound that people make when they're interested in another, isn't it? she's heard it before, the other students who confessed to their classmates, she's overhead it. and your smile, it makes her heart kind of beat faster. her face burns at the sudden realisation that there was a possibility that you could be in love with her. "what about you?"
you blink at her twice as you tilt your head. "i'm, uh, i'm good. i just want you to feel better." you state, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. she gulps, the warmth falling onto her face. "i care a lot about you, y'know."
a sigh leaves her lips, "thank you, y/n..."
"you're welcome, kobeni." you say, retracting your hand and the intense warm feeling that she was experiencing, "now finish your lunch. our work is nearly done, i'll walk you home after, okay?" the little nod she gives you makes your heart flutter and your lips pull into a smile.
you were both glad that you were here, sitting next to kobeni and quietly eating lunch with her.
#denji#denji x reader#hayakawa aki#hayakawa aki x reader#aki#aki x reader#higashiyama kobeni#higashiyama kobeni x reader#kobeni#kobeni x reader#chainsaw man#chainsaw man x reader#csm#csm x reader
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Oh this is going to hurt... a lot.
I should be worried if the first thing I do after an episode isn't open Photoshop. Normally, I would now recall the best scenes of the series and decide on a set… But not today, even though I have the time. I once wrote that when a series can no longer catch me, you can tell by the fact that I stop making gifs… Okay, sometimes I just don't have the time. But today… I wouldn't even know which scene to choose, because there was nothing that got me, nothing that excited me and nothing that I felt emotional connected to. Instead, I have a lot of thoughts in my head that all want to get out somehow.
After the over-emotionalization of the last episode, I had actually already given up on Last Twilight. And that really hurts to admit. I loved the series from the very first second and I just thought it was so good! The problem for me was that they tried to just touch the audience's tear triggers, their emotions, all of them. And they forgot that too much of a good thing is simply not good. For me, episode 11 was right on the edge of what was bearable and I still don't think Day did the "right" thing. You're allowed to argue in a relationship and hold different opinions and then talk about why you hold a certain point of view, for example. If the other person can't deal with it, if you can't find a compromise, then you have to take the consequences, yes. But that wasn't even done here.
Day insinuated that Mhok pitied him, didn't listen to Mhok's side and today we learn that Mhok really only felt pity? Really? And that he is happy Day broke up with him so he could grow? Really? That is so fucking stupid. Day has problems with pity, that's understood and ok, but it's also ok for Mhok to make his own priorities in life and decide for himself not to want to leave, but to stay with the person he loves. But Day took that decision away from him. They could have talked about it. Different perspectives can also make a big difference. But no. Day pushes Mhok away and Mhok lies to Day… But back to tonight's episode. I was actually done with last week (yeah nope, I know). You can see that they tried to find a highly emotional ending that everyone seems to agree with and can cry into their handkerchiefs. The number of fuck yous I hurled at my laptop today shows me that the trick didn't work on me. It was all so over-emotionalized that it just felt fabricated and fake. And that's so sad, because the show felt so fucking real until episode 10. And now it was a weird cliché-ridden cringe-fest.
Honestly, if I had been dumped like Mhok and then ignored for three years, the time I spend thinking about that person would be really wasted. I'd be so fucking angry (probably not anymore after three years, I just wouldn't care). But Mhok immediately starts flirting. They pick up where they left off, but there's three years and thousands of kilometers between them. Unrealistic for me. And then Mhok just carries on, whispering to Day about what's happening and what's going on and just acting like his boyfriend again, holding his hand, helping him get dressed, showing him where everything is. I was a bit surprised that he didn't feed him. And Day is confused and just smiles. I think as a viewer I was the only person who was angry at the end. There were no bad emotions. Nothing. And that felt so fucking wrong!
And then comes the wedding and talk of second chances and of course Day says no because he's too scared someone will take pity on him. Yeah, fuck man, shit happens. and Mhok can't or won't give up. An emotional chase begins and the bride and groom leave their own wedding for the two of them and I lost faith in everything. And of course the plane is gone and of course they're all checked in because the passport was scanned and of course Mhok turned around and went back and of course he clued Night in and of course they end up doing the same dance they did back then and of course the family watches them get back together. And of course the series ends with a bunch of sugary sweet scenes from "call me mom" to sunset and let's repeat this most beautiful and heartbreaking moment from the past epsiode without any emotional impact. It was so predictable and so, I'm sorry, so bad. I'm so angry! And of course he gets his sight back. After all, what kind of a message would it be if Day remained blind? Is that possible? That a blind protagonist can find happiness and love and lead a successful life? No, it's not possible. He has to be able to see again. He has to become normal again in order to lead a normal life. What a shitty message! Damn!
Sometimes less really is more. Not everything has to be perfect and normal. At least that's the lesson I thought I should learn from this series.
If anyone has any gif requests, my inbox is open, but I don't think I'll be making any on my own. At least not today and not with this anger in my stomach.
#josi watching bl#just my thoughts#just my opinion#last twilight#last twilight the series#last twilight ep 12#I want to scream right now#I am still so fucking angry with this ending#bl drama#bl series#thai drama#thai series
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omggggg congrats on getting 1k followers wooooo!!! im happy to be one of them!! can i request solomon + "Don't you know what you're doing to me?" or "I really want to kiss you right now"? it's hard to choose lmao
thanks!! ⭐
Ahh, thank you so much, anon!! I'm so glad you're enjoying my content!
Okay I went with "Don't you know what you're doing to me?" for this one. I love Solomon so much and I have to admit... the beginning of this was inspired by all the anons talking about Solomon being jealous in my ask box lately... So yeah, there's a bit of that happening here.
Thanks for participating!
1,000 Followers Event!
GN!MC x Solomon with prompt "Don't you know what you're doing to me?"
NSFW MDNI
Warnings: jealousy, some possessive behavior, oral (reader receiving), Solomon has pact marks because listen I'm obsessed with them lol
Despite the fact that Solomon enjoyed teasing you, he never left you wanting for attention. He seemed to go out of his way to touch you briefly, to tell you to have a good day, to text you if he was going to be out late. And it wasn't as though you didn't see him frequently with your current living arrangements at Cocytus Hall.
And yet, sometimes, you felt that he was gone too long, that he was too busy with other things. What was he even doing when he wasn't at home? You weren't sure, but when you came back from a day with the brothers, you wanted nothing more than to see his face. Even if it was in the kitchen.
Lately, you were feeling his absence, feeling like you were missing out on time with him.
And now you were at RAD, which still hadn't opened yet, discussing details of the school with Diavolo, Lucifer, and the others. It was a massive project, of course, and everyone was involved in the preparations.
You were sitting next to Lucifer and Solomon was across from you. You had been simply discussing things with Lucifer when you noticed a small frown on Solomon's face. He was watching you and he didn't look pleased.
You kept your expression neutral as you leaned closer to Lucifer, acting as though you were pointing at something on the paper in front of him.
Lucifer unknowingly helped your cause by putting his hand on your back. You looked at him and smiled. He seemed a little surprised by this, but he smirked back at you.
You let yourself look across the table at Solomon briefly and found that his frown had deepened.
The rest of the planning session went on this way, with you deliberately cozying up to Lucifer while Solomon looked more and more irritated.
You thought perhaps you had gone too far when the two of you walked back to Cocytus Hall in silence. The tension was thick and you weren't sure exactly what was going through Solomon's mind. He didn't seem angry, but he was very clearly not speaking to you.
You fidgeted as Solomon opened the front door and gestured you inside. You went in, about to turn around and apologize, when you felt his hands on your shoulders, his hair brushing against your face as he leaned in.
"Don't you know what you're doing to me?" he said lowly in your ear, his lips lingering on the shell, not quite kissing it.
Goosebumps rose on your skin, a twist of something thrilling running through your belly, and you had to fight to suppress a shiver.
"I don't know what you mean," you said, trying to sound innocent.
Solomon chuckled and it was an almost dangerous sound. "I think you do."
"I'm going to need you to be more specific," you insisted.
"Trying to make me jealous by flirting with Lucifer throughout that entire meeting," Solomon said.
You pouted even though he couldn't see your face. "It worked, didn't it?"
Solomon pressed a kiss to your neck. "Why would you even provoke me like that?" he murmured.
You considered your response. There was an air of danger around him and you had to decide if you wanted to appease him or if you wanted to make it worse.
You settled on something kind of in the middle. "You've been gone a lot lately," you said. "You can't really blame me for trying to get a little more attention."
Solomon turned you around, his hands falling to your waist as he pulled you close. "Darling. If you wanted extra attention, you could have just said something. You didn't need to go and hang all over Lucifer to make me jealous. Is this really the kind of attention you were craving?"
Your breath hitched as his lips latched onto your neck. Your hands flew up to grip at the back of his shirt as he sucked on your skin. "Yes," you said, closing your eyes and bending your head to give him better access.
Your legs shook as Solomon continued to suck on your neck and you knew there would be several dark marks there you would need to cover up later.
At some point, you grew impatient, tugging him along by his shirt as you backed further into Cocytus Hall. You pulled him through the nearest door, which brought you to the library. There was a large wooden writing desk in here and you found yourself pressed up against it in no time, Solomon's lips back at your neck.
You moaned, tugging at his shirt, forcing him back enough for you to pull it off.
You paused, taking in the expanse of his chest covered in pact marks. It wasn't the first time you had seen them, of course. But no matter how often you saw them, they always caused you to linger over them, brushing your fingertips along the circles and symbols.
Solomon seemed to find this tendency of yours cute and for a moment the dangerous look was replaced with indulgence as he took the opportunity to remove all of your clothing quickly and efficiently.
Before you had a chance to try for Solomon's pants, his lips were on your chest, kissing across it, lingering on each nipple until you moaned. You put your fingers in his hair and tugged slightly, overwhelmed by the feeling of his mouth and tongue.
Solomon pulled away from you, taking your chin in his hand to make you look at him. "Now why don't you tell me what you want, MC?"
You were already throbbing with need and you knew he was trying to tease you by pausing to ask you this.
You put your hands flat on his chest. "Please, Solomon," you said. "I want you."
Solomon chuckled, your blatant neediness softening him just a little. "Now see, was that so hard?"
You were about to say something else, but you didn't have the chance as Solomon pushed you back onto the desk, lifting you up until you were sitting on it. You gasped as your hot flesh met the cool wood and you watched with wide eyes as Solomon knelt between your legs.
Solomon lifted one of your legs, pressing kisses down it until he reached your ankle. Then he propped it on his shoulder and did the same with your other leg.
Solomon put his hands on your hips, pressing his face into the skin of your thighs. He looked up at you from beneath his lashes, a mischievous smile on his lips.
And then his mouth was on you, his tongue expertly teasing you, the heat and pleasure pooling in your stomach and building up. His hands were gripping the flesh of your hips so hard you knew there would be bruises there to match the ones that were already on your neck. You felt the muscles of your legs clench and you tried not to press down on his shoulders too hard. Your hands flew to his hair, burying themselves in the silver strands as you moaned.
There was no question Solomon knew what he was doing and it wasn't long before he began to suck on you, pulling out those deepest coils of feeling, bringing you right to the brink.
"Ah, Solomon!" you cried out as you felt yourself getting closer and closer to your climax.
Solomon did not let up, only increasing his attentions, making you squirm, your body clenching. Your hands twisted in his hair as you came, your voice ringing through the library as you cried out.
Solomon gently moved your legs off his shoulders, standing up to lean in and kiss you, letting you taste yourself on him. You could also feel the hardness of his erection against your leg.
Solomon's expression was one of happiness tinged with a little sheepishness. "I'm sorry I've been neglecting you, MC. Won't you let me make it up to you?"
You were still trying to catch your breath as you leaned into him, resting your head on his shoulder. You laughed softly. "I've been so lonely. You really owe me."
Solomon chuckled. He knew you were exaggerating on purpose, but he didn't mind. "Then let me try to pay back my debt."
You spent the rest of the night in Solomon's bed and he certainly made up for all the time he'd been gone. You didn't think of Lucifer even once.
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