#at least not in that way. like I think his insecurities are largely external; he's not insecure about himself but he is | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

babacontainsmultitudes · 1 year

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Normal, Sparrow, and something about heroes

EDIT: Raised the "read more" cause tumblr wants to make self-rbs a nightmare smh smh

Y'all it's so difficult to write ANYTHING lol fuck... But yeah yeah definitely got some post ep. 30 thoughts. Do need to start with some explanations/clarifications on my general stance regarding Normal which is mostly for the mutuals LOL and they know that so if things appear to lack a bit of context on that front well that's why.

There are some things regarding Norm where I lowkey almost don't want to say anything because I'm sooooo wishy washy myself ahahaha and I feel like I'm definitely gonna end up writing some stuff here and be like "ehhhhhh" later on but what can you do what can you do.

I guess I can at least start by saying that when I say that like, Norm can be self-centered, or prideful, or something to that effect, I am *definitely* not trying to say like "this negates Norm's compassion" or that like, Norm needs to be made to feel bad about that? I hope I'll be able to explain what I mean properly here but, a lot of my feelings regarding Norm's more negative traits do genuinely come from a place of concern for him??

Yes I think Norm can be self-centered, yes I think it comes from a place of loneliness and insecurity, yes I think it bleeds into his actions in a way that can negatively impact both himself and those around him, and yes I think that all of these things make him very very VERY similar to Scary... Is my general stance atm but let me, let me *try* to explain what all that means for me LOL.

I think Norm is a good person. I don't think he's *the most* empathetic or selfless or kind character we've seen in the show, but I also don't think he needs to be, or ever will need to be. He has a good heart (all the teens do, yes that includes Scary, fight me), he *does* care about other people very much, and like the other teens his frustrations are valid and generally pretty justified!

But I think Norm is someone who, perhaps pretty fundamentally, requires a pretty high level of external validation and social acceptance to feel loved, has generally gone most of his life not having that need met outside of his immediate family, and is pretty all-or-nothing and rejection-sensitive when it comes to this validation. I don't think Norm is a bad person for any of these traits (at all), even if it can impact his interactions with others negatively at times. No, above all else, these traits lead me to feel quite concerned and altogether just kinda sad for Norm.

And that's where things get a bit messy. On the one hand, Norm *is* a kind person, with good intentions, and even when I feel most frustrated with his actions, I don't take them as coming from a place of malice or ill-intent. But Norm wants to feel loved so bad, and his conditions for feeling loved (as aforementioned) are very difficult to meet, so, yes, (I do personally feel that) Norm often does, largely without knowing, prioritize this endless search for validation over other things, and having this at the forefront of his mind so frequently does inhibit his ability to truly connect with the people around him and (in many cases) actually *empathize* with them.

The difference- the difference for me between Normal and Linc with regards to Scary isn't whether or not they *care* about Scary. Even if it's a bit old now, I didn't write a whole thing on Normal/Scary and Sparrow/Lark parallels because I don't think Norm cares about Scary. Normal has *absolutely* put a tremendous amount of effort into trying to keep Scary around, to disappointing results that are justifiably frustrating for him. Normal and Linc both care about Scary, the difference for me, and what I just find so spectacular about Linc compared to all the other teens here, is that Linc goes *beyond* himself when he breaks the pic. He's not the first person to care about or try to help Scary, he's just the first person to do so in the way that she actually needs- because his general selflessness allows him to be the first person to actually *understand* Scary. He's not the first person to feel *for* her, he's the first person to feel *with* her. That is... Well I guess that is also to say that when I use the word "empathy" I mean it fairly precisely.

Which also isn't... I'm not trying to knock Normal (or Taylor) in saying this btw. The teens ALL have their strengths and weaknesses, and this was simply a moment that brought out one for Linc and another for Norm (vice versa can has and will be true at other points in time). Normal not being able to do what Linc did here is not something I'm trying to hold against him. With regards to their argument, I genuinely think that they both have plenty of reason to be upset, and ultimately it's all just one big misunderstanding. Still, I do personally think that much of why Norm is so upset with Linc in this scene has not so much to do with Scary nor with the Doodler- but is in fact at least in part Norm feeling rejected by Linc (invalidated, unloved, etc.), and acting out accordingly. Additionally, I think these feelings get in the way of Norm actually being able to understand and appreciate why Linc did what he did. They were both hurt, they both lashed out. I'm not trying to gloss over Linc's part in this either, I'm not saying one of them was right and the other was wrong or that one was mean and the other wasn't, but from what I've seen at least it seems people are almost unanimously siding with Norm on this one without much consideration for the points Linc actually makes here, choosing instead to focus solely on what *Linc's* hurt caused him to say (without acknowledging of course that in Linc's case too it comes from a place of hurt), and that much is a bit frustrating for me admittedly.

I wouldn't have expected or wanted Norm to behave any differently in this scene than he did. I think everything about Norm's behavior makes perfect sense for where he's at, and "where he's at", for me, isn't "selfish kid who doesn't care about other people" it's "scared kid who feels rejected and alone". That said, I think if Norm wants to get any better he, like all the teens, needs to start introspecting a bit more and work on himself.

And when I say that, I'm not saying "Norm is prideful and needs to be more humble" I'm saying, Norm needs to get to a place where he can feel loved, and allow himself to be loved, without it being so all or nothing.

Enter Hero!!! The chosen one! I kinda don't get why some people are just seeing this as Anthony trying to bully Norm rather than a very important opportunity for growth!!!

This feels like a point that could be easily misconstrued, so I'll try to be careful? When I say that Hero being the chosen one is an opportunity for Norm to grow as a person, I am NOT saying in becoming more humble or something like that?? Normal's pride isn't his fatal flaw, it's an afterthought of it, a manifestation of it, a defense mechanism vis a vis his fundamental insecurities, if you will.

Normal, as I see him, is convinced that he will only ever be loved, that he will only ever have "solved" love, when he is validated in absolutes. When he is the most popular boy in school who is friends with everybody. When he's the hero of the story. When he's the chosen one. If part of him sees himself as being without flaw (or the best part of teen high or whatever), it's not because he's some arrogant little brat, it's because he can't imagine himself as being lovable unless he is perfect. He isn't selfish for feeling this way, but from an outside view I think it's fairly easy to say that if Normal continues down that path, he's never going to get where he needs to go.

Hero being the chosen one, not Normal, gives Normal an opportunity to learn (or at least start to learn) that his perceived prerequisites for love (of himself) are false. Normal doesn't have to be the hero of the story. He doesn't have to be a hero. He doesn't have to be Hero, it's enough to just be Normal.

Sooooo... I think it's pretty ironic that... Upon learning that Hero is the chosen one.... So many people have jumped the gun and assumed that this means... Sparrow doesn't love Normal.

HAHA THAT'S RIGHT THIS WAS ABOUT SPARROW ALL ALONG YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE TALKING ABOUT THIS MAN NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER

But seriously, wow, it pains me sometimes how little faith people have in Sparrow. Hero is "the chosen one"... So every single time Sparrow has relayed how much he loves Norm goes down the drain?? At a most basic level folks, your child can be unplanned and still be loved, actually. Some might even say that that's... normal.

But do you get what I'm trying to say here? The assumptions much of the fandom has made about Sparrow and his love exactly reflect the toxic trains of thought that will probably be plaguing Normal's mind and feeding into his insecurities as the whole Hero thing develops?? And these insecurities (and again false prerequisites for love) are exactly what Normal needs help working through???

But let's move away from the Norm side of things a little bit, cause the assumptions being made about Sparrow currently are much more vast than this.

Let's make something clear. We don't know Sparrow's side of the story. We don't know Lark's side of the story. And of course, we don't know Rebecca's side either. We don't know if Rebecca did or didn't know about the prophecy. It seems that at this point in time, the spouses have had their memories erased. *Not necessarily* the case, but I genuinely can't fathom a scenario in which Cassandra somehow doesn't notice that the father of her child is always kind of a little bit on fire- and conspiracy theorist Rebecca to me also might hint at the fact that at some earlier point in time she would have known more about what's going on? But that's purely speculation, obviously.

So why are we suddenly so sure of Sparrow's intentions, feelings, and *role* in bringing Hero into the world?

I... Well I've been reluctant to bring this up even though the notion has been an itch in my mind since yesterday, but eventually you see enough upsetting Sparrow posts that someone needs to step up and offer something new I guess.

So... Allow me to suggest that, Sparrow being against the idea of having a child purely to fulfill a prophecy, and refusing to partake, actually makes *more* sense.

Most especially, if Sparrow was adamantly against going through with such a plan, we now have the most sound and in-character reason so far to explain... Why Lark slept with Rebecca.

(*gasp*)

As I see it anyways! Because, yeah, it's always felt like a weird elephant in the room, and I don't really feel satisfied with the existing theories at all! Someone with as strong as a resolve as Lark sleeps with the wife of the person who means more to him than anyone cause... He was horny? Or maybe as part of some strange convoluted ploy to push Sparrow away? I'm not saying these aren't still valid possibilities, and I'm not saying that this theory I'm proposing is what happened, really it's an assumption based on an assumption, but nevertheless I think it would make a lot of sense honestly.

(More specifically, what I'm suggesting is Sparrow not wanting to go through with the plan, Lark seeing it as a necessary evil to deal with the Doodler- and we know how hellbent Lark is on dealing with the Doodler, and accordingly "doing what needed to be done", as he is one to do, of course at Sparrow and at least in theory Hero's expense.)

This would also make sense of a lot of Sparrow's more extreme behaviors towards Normal, particularly the question of his name. Through this lens, it was perhaps an affront towards Lark (and possibly Rebecca??), an assertion to the effect of "no, you will not do this again, this child will not be doomed to be a hero". This, or something less aggressive but in a similar vein.

Of course this puts Normal and Sparrow at fundamental odds with one another! Er, despite being so very very similar which isn't what this post is about but still... Anyhoo, yes, there is an important conflict at play here, wherein Normal, as we discussed earlier, sees being the hero (the chosen one, what have you) as the only way to solve love, to be loved- and Sparrow who, more than anything else, doesn't want anymore heroes in the family, because he loves his family, and what happened with Henry... Can't happen again.

#Realized I didn't end up talking about Scary as I'd intended but perhaps she deserves her own post #BLUGH OKAY TALK ABOUT A POST THAT WAS WAY WAY WAY LONGER THAN INTENDED #dndads #dungeons and daddies #normal oak #sparrow oak #sparrow oak garcia #normal oak swallows garcia #dndads s2 ep 30 #lincoln li wilson #scary marlowe #GONNA POST THIS ONE AND IMMEDIATELY FEEL ANXIOUS OOPS #I FEEL LIKE I ENDED THIS ONE IN A WEIRD SPOT #EGH I HOPE THIS MADE SENSE... MAYBE I'LL DELETE AND REWRITE LATER IDK IDK #lark oak garcia #lark oak #I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE I CAN GET MY THOUGHTS OUT RIGHT TODAY I FEEL ANXIOUS

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m34gs · 1 year

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For the character ask meme: Shuuhei (Bleach), Idia (Twisted Wonderland), and Maki (Fire Force).

Thank you for the ask, friend! (from this post) I had to think a lot to answer this, and I apologize for the slight delay💜

Shuuhei (Bleach)

Three things we have in Common:

Avoiding violence/conflict: Hisagi really respects Tousen's ideals of taking the "path with the least bloodshed", which can easily translate to avoiding conflict or trying to de-escalate situations rather than fighting. In my line of work, conflict is something we try to resolve peacefully and we actually have to take courses on de-escalation.

Struggling with overwhelming responsibilities: Shuuhei has to step up as the leader for his squad when Tousen betrays them. He was already Lieutenant, and it's not that he becomes captain or gets an assistant, he is just suddenly expected to perform both roles while still remaining at the llieutenant rank. Similarly, when I started the position I am currently in at work, I was handed a large mess of a caseload and expected to manage it entirely, with some support but with me being the most responsible. I am the one providing direction to several other people, and the one they ask questions of when they needed clarification, which is fine but with the size and intensity of the caseload I barely had space to breathe. I had to have a literal breakdown before management tried to actually do anything worthwhile in terms of trying to fix what was happening. And yes, I had been asking them for help for months.

Love of Music: Shuuhei has a guitar he got from the human world, and he loves to practice on it. I also love music and love to practice both singing and the piano.

Three things we don't have in common:

Appearance: I look absolutely nothing like Shuuhei, and my style is nowhere near his. (Though I think he is Very Very Handsome, and his style is really cool and something I wish I could pull off without feeling insecure)

Mood: Shuuhei is calm and stoic most of the time. Yes, I know he struggles with his own fear, but he also embraces it as part of who he is as a soldier, and it doesn't seem to plague him during his every day activities. I am riddled with anxiety and struggle heavily with self-esteem. I may appear calm, but inside my heart is racing.

Physical abilities: Shuuhei is a soldier, he is very physically capable and graceful. I trip over my own feet and clip my shoulder on doorknobs regularly.

Idia (Twisted Wonderland)

Three things we have in common:

Love of cats: I am absolutely ecstatic that it is canon Idia loves cats. I also love cats (especially my own baby) and I love snuggling them. :D

Introversion: Idia is a very introverted character, and is shown more than once to prefer being alone to being in large crowds. That is me to a T. I don't hate people, but I do prefer not to be around massive groups, especially if they're people I don't know.

Sarcasm: Idia is extremely sarcastic when he does talk, and I absolutely love it! I thrive on sarcasm and dry humour.

Three things we don't have in common:

People pleasing: I am a recovering people-pleaser. It is so hard to fight that instinct to just try to make everyone else happy at my own expense. Idia is not that. He does not like going above and beyond for others, which honestly is something I admire because I do need to continue working on setting my boundaries and putting myself first.

Tech-savvy: Idia is extremely tech-savvy. I am not. I can trouble-shoot to a small extent and I can infer things...and I can call the IT help line. Idia would be *running* the IT help line. lol.

Bitterness: Idia tends to have a very bitter worldview. While my own worldview can at times be bleak or a bit gloomy, I tend to be less bitter about things other people do to me and I internalize 'blame' (for lack of a better word), where Idia seems to internalize it a bit less and put more external blame (such as how he blames his parents for the way he treats his classmates in book 6 at Styx; stating that he doesn't want to be there and that it isn't his fault, and that he is suffering too. Not that I'm saying he's doing anything bad or that he's wrong, we just have different ways we look at situations).

Maki (Fire Force)

Three things we have in common:

Insecure about looks: Maki wants to be perceived as very feminine and pretty. She often worries and stresses about her body type, and thinks she is too muscular to be considered pretty. While I may have a softer and curvier body type, I also still stress over my looks and wanting to appear feminine. Because I am a larger person, I often feel my body and my looks come across more masculine. I hate that. I like looking very feminine. It is a huge insecurity for me.

Reluctance for violence: despite being a soldier, Maki does not want to hurt people. She will use force as necessary but that doesn't mean she likes to. I also do not like violence and I try to prevent and/or avoid conflict (depending on the situation).

Silliness: Maki likes using her fire abilities for fun, making little puffballs of flame and naming them. It's really cute, and it shows her silly side a bit, which I really like. I also have a bit of a silly side, and I like cute things similar to what Maki likes, so I identify with that a lot.

Three things we don't have in common:

Clothes: Maki often wears a shirt and jeans when dressed in civilian clothing, and feels as though her body can't pull off dresses and skirts. I go the opposite way, and purposefully wear skirts and dresses as much as I can because 1. I like it and it's comfy and 2. it helps me feel more feminine and less insecure.

Mishearing others: Maki often seems to mishear what others say about her and immediately leaps to the conclusion they are insulting her. She becomes very angry when this happens. I also tend to mishear others, but I prefer to ask for clarification and then laugh off the misunderstanding rather than to immediately jump to accusations and fighting.

Physical abilities: Maki is a soldier and is very skilled in combat. I am not. Once again, I tend to run into things quite a bit and I do not have combat training.

There you go! Hope you enjoyed those answers. Thank you again for the ask, friend!!

#asks #ask game #character ask game #for fun #kimium #responses #fire force #bleach #twisted wonderland #idia shroud #shuuhei hisagi #maki oze

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sailormoonandme · 3 years

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Why does Usagi think Mamoru might leave/cheat on her?

Occasionally during Sailor Moon R, S and SuperS Usagi seemed to have these moments of insecurity where she was concerned that Mamoru was either interested in other people or else other people might make a play for him.

The real life reason for this I suspect is simply because Sailor Moon has a lot of sitcom sensibilities alongside it’s romantic elements, so milking comedy from a romantic topic by having our lead act over the top or goofy is a logical writing tool to reach for. Especially when you have such a large quantity of episodes to produce.

However, I have a more in-universe explanation to propose.

In real life Usagi’s behaviour would most likely be connected to trust issues with her partner, with other people or else concerns about her own inadequacies. However, I don’t think that’s the case here.

Rather, I think it’s actually far more connected to the numerous times Usagi has loved and ‘lost’ Mamoru.

Back in the Silver Millennium days there was this low key implication that romantic mingling between the Moon Princess and Earth Prince was somehow forbidden. After all when Endymion came to the Moon and tried to warn Serenity about Metalia and Beryl the royal guards chased him away and he needed to disguise himself. So from Serenity’s POV the social system she was living in was limiting her ability to be with the man she loved and made their future together at best uncertain.

Now, I admit that’s perhaps a bit too big of an extrapolation to draw from, especially for the anime version of the characters where we got far less info about their past lives. However, the more significant part here is the fact that Endymion was taken from her when he was killed by the Dark Kingdom. Seeing her lover murdered in front of her whilst her home were also being destroyed (and her friends killed) would obviously be very traumatic, particularly if Serenity was mentally and physically the equivalent of a fourteen year old like Usagi.

In her next life she was crushing very hard on Tuxedo Mask who routinely showed up to aid her and then rarely lingered. That’s not exactly traumatic, but the early days of their relationship would’ve still been founded by Usagi seeing the person she wants to stick around and spend time with her leave her when she wouldn’t want him to.

She also feared Tuxedo Mask had died in episode 13 when Jadeite announced that he’d killed him. True, he was revealed as alive and well shortly afterwards, but the horror of that moment (however brief it may’ve been) could’ve stuck with Usagi.

Then, in the iconic 34th episode of the show, Mamoru was violently impaled right in front of her. We can debate if he died and was consequently revived by the Dark Kingdom or if he was merely close to death before his abduction. But either way that’d inevitably be an instance where Usagi once again traumatically lost the man she loved, or at least came extremely close to doing so if not for the emotion of the moment re-awaking her old memories.

Speaking of which, as episode 35-36 make clear, the mere act of abruptly regaining all her memories would be emotionally wrenching all on it’s own. When combined with the tragic and traumatic nature of those memories, it’s far from unbelievable that subconsciously this would further mark Usagi’s psyche.

The reveal that her lover is alive but no longer remembers her and is actively a threat to her now would obviously compound this. As would the fact that in episode 36 he uses a rose to hurt her. It’s not a serious wound at all, but he still hurt her and used an object that up until then he’d used explicitly to help and protect her. Within Usagi’s mind his roses would’ve likely been ‘coded’ with positive emotions, so seeing them used in that way would’ve been further upsetting for her, in essence a perversion of what they should mean to her mind. The roses now being black are an apt metaphor for this point.

Of course during the final stretch of episodes in season 1 Usagi almost restores Mamoru. But that’s the key here, she almost succeeds. First it the ski episode where he briefly seems to break out of his brainwashing and then again in the episode where Ryo (and the other Rainbow Crystal hosts) returns. In the latter she actually succeeds in restoring him to normal but he’s abducted immediately once again. Not only did Usagi lose Mamoru a few more times but her active efforts to bring him back to her failed.

We then come to the most traumatic events in Usagi’s second life (up to that point), episodes 44-46.

In episode 44, not only did she once again re-experience the tragic destruction of the Silver Millennium, but she got a ‘bird’s eye view’ of everything that happened, including the specific moments she, Endymion, her friends and even her mother died. True, her sadness or trauma over everyone else isn’t specific to her losing Endymion/Mamoru, however because these events happen so close together and are connected it’s not unbelievable that Usagi’s mind might’ve created an association. So her pain over seeing her mother die is associated also with her ‘losing’ Endymion as well. By that same token, the death of her beloved friends in episode 45 might’ve consequently become associated with what happened next.

In episode 46 Usagi is outright attacked by a brainwashed Endymion. First she sees him loyally serving her enemy who (by proxy) murdered her friends like an hour ago. Worse she might’ve picked up on the obvious romantic undertones between Beryl and Endymion, including him kissing her hand, and let’s not forget in the flashback from episode 44 Beryl clearly desired Endymion. Whilst intellectually Usagi might know he’s not in his right mind, emotionally seeing him like that with Beryl in that context could emotionally upset her, almost as though he was betraying their love in the worst possible way.

Endymion’s efforts against her are also significantly more violent and active than anything he did before since episode 36. Dashing a rose across the back of her hand pales in comparison to ensnaring her and shocking her with his roses. Not to mention trying to slice her up with the very same sword he would’ve used to defend her in the Silver Millennium. Even if you don’t buy into my point about perverting these symbols of their relationship, the mere act of him hurting her and trying to murder her like that is going to obviously be emotionally arresting.

In a sense in those horrible moments for Usagi Endymion/Mamoru really was ‘lost’ to her, he merely looked like her lover. This I think is why it was significant that she actually fought back against him with her tiara. But since he still looked like her lover and intellectually she knew he wasn’t to blame (and emotionally hoped he was still salvageable) her own act of self-defence horrified her.

Of course she does save him, but then he dies again. Depending on how you look at it, from Usagi’s POV this is at least the second time he’s really died and that number climbs higher if you include his presumed death in episode 13 and the number of times she had to re-experience his death in the Silver Millennium. And that isn’t even counting traumatic dreams about him dying in the aftermath of episodes 34-35. It doesn’t help that his mortal injuries in episode 46 are eerily similar to the ones he sustained in episode 34, namely a violent impalement.

We might even argue this is categorically the worst instance up until this point of Usagi watching her lover die or seemingly die. In the Silver Millennium she herself died seconds later. In episode 13 they weren’t nearly as close as they’d become by episode 46 and she at least had friends and family in her life she knew she could lean on. This equally applies to Mamoru seemingly dying in episode 34 and even his abduction in episode 35. In fact with Minako, Makoto and Artemis Usagi had an even larger support network than before. In episode 46 though her lover has died in her arms, she’s left to go on and the Inner Senshi are dead, Luna and Artemis aren’t around and the end of the world is imminent. She’s truly all alone in her grief and intellectually she knows that even if somehow she resolves the crisis her support network has been mostly gutted. THEN she herself dies to defeat Beryl/Metalia and save the world.

She gets her fondest wish, to go back to a normal life, but that’s also taken from her due to the arrival of Ail and An. Yay for Usagi, she gets to have ALL of those traumatic memories from the Silver Millennium rerun through her head AGAIN. And this time they’re complimented by the Hell she went through in losing her friends, her lover and dying herself in the Arctic.

But hey, at least now she and her lover can finally be together right? Nope. He literally doesn’t know her. He isn’t Endymion. He isn’t Tuxedo Mask. He isn’t the Mamoru she knew and doesn’t even want to know her. Meanwhile a prospective romantic rival is sniffing around him and for all she knows he may well be interested in her. She gets a tiny ray of hope when Moonlight Knight shows up but that’s abruptly squashed when she receives (seemingly) hard proof this guy who seems oh so similar to the man she loves definitely isn’t that man. So her tiny hope of maybe getting him back is taken from her almost as quickly as it came.

After Ail and An depart Earth Usagi finally has what she wants…until two episodes later. This time in the cruelest twist of fate for her, it isn’t external forces that tears Mamoru away from her. This time he takes himself from her. From a certain point of view this is sort of worse than him dying. Usagi knows death and reincarnation are a thing and that magic exists. She already knows that, as traumatic as it might’ve been, the pair have been given more chances than most people to get together. But how is that to happen when Mamoru, in his right mind and fully possessing all his memories, clearly conveys he doesn’t want her. In the same way Tuxedo Mask pulled a disappearing act early on, now Mamoru in normal life begins actively avoiding Usagi and even saying hurtful things to her.

It is in episode 61 (the break up episode itself) that we arguably first see this insecure side to Usagi where she questions if Mamoru prefers a child under 10 years old to her. From there we also see Mamoru try to hint to her that he’s seeing Unazuki.

Of course Usagi eventually learns that it WAS another external force pushing them apart again (well sort of but that’s for another day). However, to lose Mamoru again after all she’d already gone through to be with him was emotionally going to be a serious twisting of the knife for her, in addition to his efforts after episode 61 to push her away. The fact that his own desire to be with her caused him to still help and even hang out with her on occasion would’ve further confused her.

But even after this mess is cleared up, in Sailor Moon R The Movie: Promise of the Rose Usagi has to witness Mamoru nearly die for her again. And like on other occasions it comes via an impalement right in front of her and a consequent abduction to boot. And the abductee happens to be someone she and her friends suspect might harbor romantic feelings for Mamoru as well, someone who actively insulted her, actively tried to dissuade Mamoru from dating her and who literally pushed her away from him.

When taken collectively, I think all these traumas associated with Usagi ‘losing’ Mamoru or otherwise being prevented from being with him would make Usagi subconsciously on the alert for the next thing that might take him from her.

I propose that this is the actual reason for Usagi’s concerns that Mamoru might like Chibiusa more than her, for why she gets concerned when Ami and Mamoru chat together in S, for why she goes all ninja in SuperS, etc. Deep down she does trust him and deep down she trusts her friends and doesn’t actually feel threatened by anyone who might try to hit on Mamoru.

It’s in reality a case of her gripping too tight precisely because the object of her desire has slipped through her fingers far too many times in the past.* Or if you like, from Usagi’s POV destiny might’ve pre-ordained that she fall in love with Mamoru but she may well be concerned that it’s also pre-ordained that they be allowed to enjoy being in love, not for too long anyway.

However, I think this in turn set up a great example of character development for our heroine.

First of all, in episode 132 we have Chibiusa outright warning Usagi she has a romantic rival and that if she doesn’t shape up she will lose Mamoru to her, and yet Usagi shrugs this off.

Of course, we could argue that this is Usagi trying to simply one up Chibiusa in this moment, or else she is dismissive of the warning precisely because it comes from Chibiusa whom is both a child and someone who makes a point of trolling her. On the other hand we might view this as an example of how Usagi has in fact grown and is more at peace with the idea that she isn’t about to have Mamoru taken from her for the umpteenth time.

Granted her over reaction in episode 136, wherein she dresses as a ninja to ensure Rei and Mamoru don’t get up to anything, goes against that idea. However, we could just as easily argue that Usagi’s reactions in that episode were an example of her backsliding precisely because of Rei and Mamoru’s history. She might not worry about Rei and Mamoru deep down, but the idea of them living in the same place when they used to date and when she knows how active Rei was in pursuing him back in the day? It’s not beyond belief that in these specific circumstances Usagi’s resolve faltered whereas she’d have been less concerned if it’d been a stranger or someone with no romantic history with Mamoru.ffff

More significantly though is Sailor Stars. Once more Usagi ‘lost’/nearly lost Mamoru. This time this was due to Queen Nehelenia, whose efforts poisoned the Earth and by extension endangered the life of her lover. Then she did that AGAIN, this time outright brainwashing and abducting him.

Even if this didn’t remind Usagi of her horrible experiences with Evil Endymion and Beryl, it would’ve still been disturbing and upsetting, especially when Mamoru developed a mirror fetish. Usagi went through Hell and physical torture to try and save her lover and this time the stakes were even higher. Because this time losing him would also mean losing the other person she loved the most, (Chibiusa) a horrible event that she eventually witnessed happen.

Sure, she saved the day and got both her future husband and future daughter back, but she still had to live through those horrible experiences to get to that point.

And yet, despite these fresh traumas regarding losing her lover, in episode 173 Usagi handles Mamoru leaving for America surprisingly well.

It’s made clear she’s upset by his departure and doesn’t want him to go. But she comes mere inches from seeing him off with a smile as she intended, demonstrating her increased strength and maturity.

And despite her tears, despite her not wanting him to go, she still sees him off, she doesn’t try to dissuade him, she isn’t worried that he’ll meet other people or that their relationship will get torn asunder once more. She is sad because they are going to be physically separated by a long distance for a long time, but that’s the only thing that’s of concern to her. And her reaction even then is relatively reigned in (by her standards) even in the privacy of her own home.

And from a narrative/emotional POV it is almost like the universe rewards her for that growth via Mamoru giving her a promise/engagement ring, saying he loves her and kissing her in the airport.

Whilst the significance of the ring is obvious (albeit not to Usagi) we shouldn’t undersell Mamoru’s words or the kiss.

I’m willing to be corrected on this but I’m fairly certain that episode was the first time Mamoru (not Endymion, not Moonlight Knight talking about Mamoru, etc) had ever told Usagi he loved her. Of course, his actions spoke louder than words on this front. Even before Usagi knew Mamoru was Tuxedo Mask she suspected the latter rescued her because he was in love with her. Nevertheless, having your partner actually look you in the eye and say the words can be incredibly emotionally significant for a lot of people. In a sense it is the ultimate unambiguous proof of the other person’s feelings (in theory anyway). Even if Usagi hadn’t been waiting to hear him say the words (personally I think her expression implies she had been) it would’ve nevertheless been a significant development in their relationship all the same.

And as for the kiss, I admit I only vaguely know about Japanese cultural norms regarding PDA, but it is to my understanding that kissing in public is frowned upon. Even if I’m wrong about that, Mamoru (as evidenced by the R movie) certainly doesn’t like to kiss Usagi when anyone else is around. If you go back to check most of their kisses, either they are alone or else it’s obvious Mamoru doesn’t think anyone is observing them. The fact that he kisses Usagi not only in a public space, but an airport of all places (when there are crowds there for three big celebrities no less) is a huge deal for him. And in turn it’s a huge deal for Usagi because, whilst Mamoru might have more reservations, Usagi clearly cared a lot less about PDA, typically being the one to initiate their kisses.

Consequent episodes further demonstrate Usagi’s growth regarding her old insecurities with Mamoru. Putting aside how we never once see her worried about him seeing other girls, in episode 181 Seiya outright raises the idea of him seeing other people. Usagi casually, without a hint of aggression, dismisses the idea.

The irony is that it is Usagi who’s in the situation she so often worried about regarding Mamoru. She is the person being pursued by romantic rival to her lover, namely Seiya.

The cruel irony is that Usagi having matured enough to accept Mamoru leaving (despite being deeply upset and lonely about it) actually had lost him yet again.

She just didn’t know it.

*Not to mention…she is a teenager. Those people tend to be ever so slightly prone to emotional over reactions at the best of times.

#Sailor Moon #Tuxedo Mask #usagi tsukino #Usamamo #Mamoru Chiba #Chiba Mamoru #tsukino usagi #pretty soldier sailor moon #pretty guardian sailor moon #bishojo senshi sailor moon #Prince Endymion #Princess Serenity #My Essays

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hemera989 · 4 years

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Hot Takes: Yukio Okumura

Aka, 'My Analysis Of Yukio That No One Asked For And Yet I Will Give It Anyways’ asjhdkajshfs also, tw for talk of attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts, depression and trauma!

The main reason I felt it necessary to give My Take on Yukio was not entirely because I love him and feel like he’s a lot more immature and human than people like to think though that is a large chunk of the reason. It was rather because recent manga chapters have really gone on to shake up how I view him, and it helps to write things down.

I feel like perhaps it’s best to start chronologically in a way, because there’s no one event that really led to the reveal of Yukio as he is today- depressed, suicidal, and destructive. There is no one reason to point a finger at, or one life event to deconstruct. He’s a product of his personality, childhood, and the overall events that led to his birth. And what better way to start a childhood off, than with bullying?

Considering how traumatic bullying can be, it’s just a little bit surprising to see how much it tends to get glossed over (for both Rin and Yukio). This is where I believe Yukio’s inferiority complex may have developed, or at least started becoming prominent. He was teased and harassed as a child, and unable to defend himself besides relying on Rin to protect him. While Rin was only doing so out of genuine love and care for Yukio, this is likely where his twisted opinion of their relationship began. Rin was good and kind and strong, and defended him out of love, and Yukio was weak and a crybaby, and resented both Rin and himself for how little he was able to protect himself on his own.

This is where we can see his mindset begin to develop; Rin = good and strong, and Yukio = weak and bad. This even extends to Shiro, which we can see somewhat in what I believe is the Kraken arc.

This also becomes what I believe is the core of Yukio’s character- he does not like himself. Because he hates himself so thoroughly, he doesn’t believe that he deserves to be liked, or even that he genuinely can be liked for who he is. We see this in his conversation with Rin during the Aomori arc, where he remarks to Rin that if Shiemi knew the ‘real’ him, she would hate him. He believes that he is an unlikable person, to both himself and others.

In a way, this also stems from his relationship with Rin. Rin is in no way at fault for why Yukio is the way that he is, but the friction between their two personalities does deepen their own insecurities. Because Rin is reckless and headstrong, Yukio is forced to be the ‘mean guy’, the one to put his foot down, the one to say ‘no’ because he knows that Rin isn’t often capable of doing so himself. He is forced into responsibilities too intense for him to properly handle both due to Rin’s position as the inheritor of the blue flames, and due to his brother’s personality as the goofy, fun-having teen. (If you’ve ever had siblings, or, hell, even had to be the voice of reason in a situation where people are having reckless fun, you know exactly how this feels.)

When you take how his personality is, you can see exactly how his position as an exorcist has exacerbated this to an almost extreme amount. Though Shiro didn’t do so intentionally, he almost single-handedly createted one of Yukio’s most damaging mindsets- that becoming strong is the only way forward for Yukio.

(Don’t take this as Shiro slander, I love that man and he tried his best with the complicated history he already has with childhood) Through trying to give Yukio the chance to seize strength for himself, he set off quite a few chain reactions within Yukio’s mindset. First, he associated strength as a person with physical strength. Second, he associated worth as a person with physical strength. Third, he associated Yukio’s strength and worth with Rin, by making exorcism a way to protect Rin from other demons. Foruth, in my opinion, we can see the reduction of Yukio and Shiro’s relationship from a father-son bond to a teacher- student bond. Now, Yukio begins to lose his main support system- his father. Shiro is no longer his dad, but the paladin, a strong man who offered him an unhealthy way forward in life.

In one decision, we can see how Yukio’s self hatred found an external focus to worsen itself for him. Yukio believes that he is a weak, worthless, and unlikable person. But, now, he does have a purpose, something in life that is worth living for. He begins to develop his entire concept of himself as a person on that of becoming an exorcist, becoming strong, and protecting his brother. He hates himself, but he knows that he can do one thing- protect Rin.

We can also see where his superiority complex begins to develop. Being born human while his brother was born clearly demonic, Yukio has more worth in the eyes of the True Cross. Being the good child, and the smart child with a plan for his future, he has more worth in the eyes of society. He is better than his brother, and he knows it, but he also knows that Rin is (in his eyes) inherently good and kind, and Yukio is not. He is better, but he is also lesser than Rin.

Protecting his brother is also where I believe his relationship with Rin begins to deteriorate to a dramatic extent. Yukio wants strongly to protect him, because that’s where he believes his worth as a person is, but in a way, he resents the burden that’s been placed on him. He has to be the responsible one, the mean one, the assertive one, the negotiator, the one to clean up Rin’s messes, the one to fix everything, the one to give up his entire childhood just for exorcism to protect Rin. Yukio is a child, and one who was denied the chance to be one. He was never allowed the chance to selfishly externalize his emotions (like children should be ALLOWED to do, imo) and so never learned how to process his own emotions.

At this point in his life, he resents Rin for being ‘allowed’ to be selfish and destructive, he resents Rin and the world for having this burden of responsibility put on his shoulders, and he resents himself still for being an unlikable, weak, and worthless person, and for resenting Rin and the world. He is vastly, vastly unhappy and hateful towards himself, and is already suffering in the assortment of circumstances he finds himself in.

And then throw in a murdered dad, because why not?

Now, the burden that was placed on him and shared between himself and Shiro, is now solely on him. On top of having his father suddenly and traumatically killed, he is now responsible (in his mind) for Rin. One could argue Mephisto, but he proved... extremely quickly that he was not interested in the finer details of guardianship LMAO. Yukio now is the sole bearer of Rin’s wellbeing, and he finds very quickly that this is a role he does not (and cannot, as a child himself) succeed in.

Yukio has been thrust abruptly into the world of becoming a parent, in an extremely twisted and awful way. He is a child, in an adult field, surrounded by adults, treated as an adult, and now he essentially is the parent of Rin. This is complicated enough with Rin’s personality, but then you have to add in that Rin is the illegitimate and illegal son of Satan, and his very existence, if revealed, would lead to his certain death. As Rin reveals his powers, gets sentenced to execution, picks fights with Amaimon, uses his powers across Kyoto and in damn near every public space whenever possible, Yukio’s distress and mental state begins to worsen as he realizes that he is failing.

We can see him begin to externalize his mounting frustrations and anger and fear, through reprimanding Rin harshly, threatening Suguro, threatening Mephisto, and also that scene where he punched the shit out of Rin for being reckless. Yukio needs his brother alive, because Rin is his only family left, and because his worth as a person is tied directly to protecting Rin. It is his only purpose in life, and he is failing at it, and he deeply resents Rin for making it difficult, and himself for failing. His downward spiral begins to become visible around these points, and we can also see the start of his worsening habit of taking his volatile emotions out on others physically.

He is progressively being backed into a corner with no way out, and like a wounded animal, he is lashing out at anyone who dares come close. Yukio’s violent and hurtful behavior towards others is not because he’s an uptight asshole who does it for fun, but because he’s a traumatized, depressed, and suicidal child who is losing the one person he has left and who gives his life worth. He has no substantial guidance from the adults around him, and for all intents and purposes, he is alone. He wants to rely on Rin, but because Rin has a tendency to process negative emotions by shoving them down and away, Yukio can’t rely on him.

This is what I think is the most heartbreaking aspect of Yukio. He is a hurt and lonely child, who is deeply mentally ill, who is losing his brother and lashing out at others because he doesn’t know what else to do. He is acutely aware that he is being cruel and unkind, and he doesn’t want to be. He wants to be good, and kind, and liked, and valued. He doesn’t want to hurt others.

This scene makes this obvious. This is what I believe is the cliff’s edge where Yukio takes the drop that leads him to where he is in the manga now. He is terribly lonely, and hateful, but in a moment where he lashes out emotionally, he managed to do something he feels is well and wholly despicable. Shiemi is the one person he cares for genuinely, healthily, and truly. She wants to help him because she cares for him, and yet he hurts her for daring to mention his largest insecurity- and he knows that.You can see it written across his expression- he’s shocked, and horrified with himself for how he lost control. His hands are shaking.

He managed to do the one thing he feared above all, and that was to let Shiemi see who he ‘truly’ was. He hurt someone who unselfishly cared for him, and this is where he begins to think that he has gone past the point of no return. He is so awful, and terrible, that he hurt someone as kind as Shiemi. He is so worthless that he is failing at the one job that gives his life meaning. He is so evil and cruel that he has shoved everyone away, and now he truly has no one left.

He is worthless, and evil, and terrible- this is how Yukio views himself. Why not kill himself, and then the world would be rid of him?

Except, now another wrench has been thrown in. Yukio finds that, with Satan possessing his eye, he has become worse that worthless and evil and terrible. Now, his life poses a threat to humanity, by allowing Satan a way into Assiah. His life isn’t just worthless now, it’s become an active threat to the world, in his mind. Now, he can rationalize that his death is necessary. He is suicidal, but he has convinced himself that it’s fine, because he needs to die anyways.

This is where I believe he is in the manga, now. He is convinced that he has to die, and says it’s because he wants to save the world from Satan, but it is extremely likely that it’s mostly because he is extremely suicidal. He is hellbent (pardon the pun) on his own death. He will stop at nothing to secure his own death, no matter what it takes. His trauma, his mental illness, his self-hatred- they’re all open and exposed, now. If he’s an evil, unlikable, and cruel person, why not commit to it? Why not make himself the most evil, the most unlikable, the most cruel, if it means someone will finally get tired enough to truly put himself out of his misery?

He’s cast aside his true kindness and gentleness, and has embraced what he believes to be his ‘true’ self. He will die, and he’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that happens.

That’s my take on him, what I believe his mindset is and how it developed. Yukio is not a hero. He hurt Shiemi, threatened his students, threatened his guardian, and shot Rin multiple times. Whether or not Rin heals from it is irrelevant, Yukio still made the conscious choice to harm Rin, and others. But, he has never done so because he is evil inside. He’s done so because he’s a wounded animal, lashing out, determined to secure his own death. He is a traumatized child who has hurt others.

He deserves kindness and understanding, but also to be held accountable for his actions. He’s what I believe to be the embodiment of the ugly side of mental illness that many people are resistant to see. His character is uncomfortable to read, because he is startlingly real and three-dimensional. Like many of the characters in aoex, he cannot be classified as good or bad. He is a complex person, with good and bad aspects, like any person in real life.

godDAMN could someone give him a HUG and some THERAPY PLEASE.

#ao no exorcist #blue exorcist #character analysis #yukio okumura #okumura yukio #yuriotoko rants

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fasttimesbrightlights · 3 years

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Imagine Shelby and Rachel being besties.

like not in canon necessarily because the tensions are so high, etc. but they kind of have the perfect similar/opposite qualities and struggles. (tw: brief talk of ED)

they’re both kind of presenting to the world as this thought out persona, created under severe pressure(parents suck). Shelby’s pressure is put on her completely intentionally, intended to instill fear and conformity in her, and Rachel’s pressure is largely created by herself, but it’s also strongly encouraged by her coach and her parent’s value in skill/smarts, and it forces her into this cold, hardworking person.

with this pressure they both also feel/are very isolated from their families, Shelby can’t be at all genuine with her family, despite how hard she tries to be what they want her to be, so in every way but physical she’s incredibly distant from them; Rachel feels out of place in her family, and even not good enough, she pushes herself way too hard to succeed, from what we see she is never very involved in family things, and likely distant from devoting so much time to diving(and related things), this probably increased as her ED developed and as she got treatment/went through recovery.

there's also small things, like the pent up anger they both have, the craving to belong, the insecurities (in no way are no teeth and an eating disorder similar, but i feel like both girls heavily equate their meeting of beauty/body standards with their worth).

and then there’s the differences they have, like Shelby’s impulsiveness (nothing Shelby does thought of more than 3 seconds before hand, ex: pill scene, kiss scene 1, kiss scene 2, lychee scene), and how Rachel plans everything out, not necessarily in detail or lots of time but she does tend to have a plan and/or she thinks about the cause and effect of an action before doing it (ex: hiking the mountain, diving to the wreck, not wanting to damage the black box, separating when searching for Fatin), she gives things at least minimal thought and planning.

the way they express their anger is completely different too, Rachel acts on hers, yells, and isn’t afraid to express that she is angry, her and Nora’s relationship is openly tense, she doesn’t care if random strangers know her anger for her sister, in her POV they’ve grown up competing in a sense. she isn’t afraid too berate the other girls when she thinks they’re unmotivated. I think before the island a lot of her anger was very intertwined with fear, again relating to trying to be the best at diving, trying to control her body. we don't see her acting the same pre-island in expressing her anger, she didn’t have things to tell at with her pre-island anger, she didn’t have people who were able to be blamed, other than Nora most of her anger would be default directed at herself, fueling the pressure she puts on herself, making her work harder, do whatever it takes to have the right body, she didn’t see the things making these impossible standards as the issue, she saw herself as the issue for not meeting them. Nora accepted Rachel’s anger, and her anger at herself allowed a comforting sense of control over her life, she doesn’t bottle up anger. she only breaks when she can’t control enough.

Shelby seems scared of hers, because she mostly bottles it up, only letting it out in a faux friendly way, and then it takes control of her when it gets to be too much, the yelling at Becca, the hate towards Toni, she’s scared of her anger because she’s been trained to keep it inside so when it comes out she has no control. also the way she doesn’t like anger in anyone (i think this is a result of Dave’s anger), a different take on this could be her trying so hard to be different from her dad, trying her best to be genuinely nice, trying to connect with other people, this fights with the pressure from her dad in her mind(the pressure to be the daughter he wants and will accept), only rising tensions and causing her to replicate his hateful friendliness and bigotry when she can’t handle how external events effect her internal struggles. either way, the expressions of anger overpower the facade she creates of herself, cracking the mask covering her queerness and everything else she keeps hidden, and this terrifies her. and Shelby’s fear is what fuels her control, she needs control of herself, she doesn’t strive to meet any set standards like Rachel, only using her control to be the person that anyone around her wants her to be.

lastly, the way Shelby is openly friendly and welcoming, she sociable whether it be because it’s expected of her or she just is interested in knowing people and making friends. Rachel is focused and driven, friends are not her goal, she’s not very interested in getting to know people.

they would understand each other intensely and be really good at listening to the other and being their for support. also calling them out on their bullshit

i think they would make a really interesting dynamic, and could totally have a really good friendship. very similar to Martha and Toni where nobody expects them to be friends or understands how they get along, maybe new people always thinking they’re about to fight, being confused when they have like friendship bracelets or some shit.

#the wilds #shelby goodkind #rachel reid #is this a headcanon idk #i really hope this makes sense and isn’t like totally out there #pls yell at me if u disagree

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cutesuki--bakugou · 4 years

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a/n: I 1000000% know that unless you’ve read my fic The Dragon Kings Treasure, this is going to be TOTALLY out of context and you will likely have literally no idea about what’s going on or their history. I’ll be posting this little snippet in my AO3 post at the end of the story if you feel like you’d rather read the full thing first before you read this. There’s some spoilers in this, so if you’ve been planning on reading TDKT and haven’t yet, I’d suggest doing that first for context

Main Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x Koge Naegi (OC) (Fantasy AU)

Story Rating: Explicit

Genre: Fluff / Romance / Domestic / Fantasy AU

Story Warnings: Sex (vaginal), hand job, inhuman extremities (yes, dick) and mutations (dragon), size difference, rough sex, dirty talk, name calling, breeding (sorta), stomach bulge, Bakugou’s insecure, Koge’s horny

Words: 5,110

Written for the @bnhabookclub ‘s members bingo event!

Crossed off: Mirror Sex

Bingo Masterlist

Art in banner by me

“I am actually going to kill you, Koge.”

“Just do it gently, okay?”

Bakugou grumbled at the completely unbothered response from his lover, glowering at her through a mirror. Laying on his stomach, sprawled out on their bed, the young Lord found himself beyond agitated with himself and with his wife, but not for any regular old reason. No, the problem was something that no one could have ever predicted, and it was something that couldn’t be stopped, either. Reversing the process was also out of the question, so he was condemned to adjust himself to the changes of his body, both internal and external. But, compliance didn’t correlate to happiness in this situation, especially not when paired with the pain and frustrations that came with the changes.

It didn’t help that his wife was more that ecstatic about his newfound dragon extremities. The thick, dark red tail that protruded from the base of his hips and horns perched atop his head were the current bane of his existence, as the past few months of them growing into place were like putting him through daily torture. The changes to his hands and the horns, he had gotten used to long ago, but the currently swaying scaled appendage that protruded from his hips had been the most difficult to accept. It was large and cumbersome, always knocking things over, hitting people, or even causing him to trip over his own feet. Even now, as it knocked annoyingly against his own legs, he wished that he could just cut the damn thing off. Why did it even have to grow in the first place?

Well, he knew why.

His wife. The absolute love of his life and mother to his son, the woman he had chosen to be always by his side and Queen of his land. She was the reason this had happened to him, or, at least, a large percentage of it. The rest was his own bloodline, his family and heritage, but this wasn’t exactly something he had expected to happen. His wife, being a dragon halfling, had always sported her dragon features when in her human form, and had the presence, scents, and mannerisms of one at all times. Sure, she could fit in with humans, outside of her inability to register their words if they weren’t dragonborn of some kind, but in the end, she was a dragon. That fact is what prompted these changes in him that he couldn’t control.

It all went back to his bloodline. His family had always had dragon blood, but the last that had dragon features, that he could remember, was his great grandfather. Since then, each royal child born didn’t have physical dragon features, nor could they change into a dragon. All they had was the magic. Until now. Just being with his wife had prompted a change within him, starting out small at first with the ability to purr and his senses more enhanced than they had already been. Then came the changes to his hands, red scales coating the top and down along his wrist and half of his forearm, with thicker skin along his palms and long claws. This change was quick, only a few days of inability to use his hands or take care of the horrible itch that came with it on his own, though Koge was more than willing to help him with that. In truth, Bakugou didn’t think he could have gotten through any of the changes without her help. She knew how to soothe the pain of his horns growing in and massaged his back and tail as it grew over many weeks.

Now, there was no pain. All that was left was to adjust. New clothes, new sleeping positions, new feelings beneath the now sensitive skin of his fingers and palms. The new smells, sounds, and urges, they all required a huge adjustment, but the tail. The tail was the worst of them all.

“Why a fucking tail?” Bakugou whined into the sheets, turning his face into the soft plush fabric to keep his glare off the swaying appendage. “The horns are fine. The hands suck. But a fucking tail?! Koge, I hate it.”

“It did grow in quite big in the end, but it’s really pretty-”

“-Don’t call it pretty-!”

“-And handsome. Rugged. Who knew you had such strong dragon blood that it would come out looking like this!” Scooting her petite body closer, Koge’s fingers traced lightly down his spine, purring sweetly when she breached the hump of his tail. “I love it. I can’t wait until you get more control over it so I can cuddle in it.”

“Tch, and what the fuck is wrong with my arms, huh?!”

“You can’t tell, Katsuki, but your tail is way warmer than your arms.”

In agitation of her argument, his tail swished about roughly, making Koge giggle softly as pillows were knocked from the bed. To avoid getting hit, Koge flopped down to lay up against his side, wiggling and nudging herself beneath his arm until he was forced onto his side, hugging her to him tightly in an attempted punishment. Nuzzling his face into her hair, he felt instantly calmed by the sweet sounds of her purr, which radiated through his mind like a million bees, making his heart and stomach flutter. Then, within no time, his own deep rumbling began, his purr completely swallowing hers in intensity.

“Ooh see, you can’t be that mad if you start purring so easily.” Koge nuzzled her face up against his neck, her tail falling to rest over his legs, intertwining with his as he calmed. Holding her body in closer, Bakugou scoffed quietly, lifting his head so he could see her face.

“You use that against me. Because I can’t help it.”

“Why can’t you help it?” Koge nuzzled her nose against his tenderly, smiling at the sight of his reptilian pupils dilating in pleasurable response to her affections. “You can’t hide your mushy feelings from me, now. Of course I might take advantage of that sometimes.”

“I can’t help it for obvious fucking reasons.” Bakugou’s snarl and growl of his voice didn’t match his touch or change in the pitch of his purr, spurred on by Koge letting her leg rest over his hips so she could be closer to him. “I love your stupid ass, of course I’m going to start up if you do.”

“It’s so cute!” She placed a soft kiss on his lips, though found herself trapped for more than just a few moments as he refused to let her pull away, his hand even slipping up her back to rest against the back of her head. “Mm… I didn’t expect your dragon blood to make you so… affectionate.”

“The fuck does that mean?” With a growl against her lips, Bakugou rolled them over so she was beneath him, taking both of her arms to pin them up above her head, fingers lacing with hers tenderly. “I’m not any more affectionate than I was, dumbass.” Squeezing his hips playfully with her knees, Koge’s smile grew sly.

“I just expected you to become more aggressive and territorial. But instead you’re super sweet, purring, and cuddly. Just like a little pup.”

“Excuse me?!” Bakugou’s purr was cut short with his rush of agitation, his voice booming through their large chambers as Koge laughed. “I’m not a fucking whelp! You take that back!”

“What are you gonna do about it, pup?” Koge couldn’t resist a grin at the flushing of his cheeks, baring her fangs to him playfully. “Gonna whine and spew a little fire out of your nose? Or are you gonna put me in my place?”

With a frustrated growl, Bakugou could only glare down at her for a moment before pulling away, sitting up turning to sit on the edge of the bed, once again facing the mirror. “Oh fuck off! You know I can’t!”

Frowning as guilt began to creep up on her, Koge sat up as well, placing her hand gingerly on his back. “Ah Katsuki, I’m sorry. I… I’ve just been feeling a little frisky lately, especially since that… new change happened. I’m… It’s a bit hard for me to control myself.”

“Tch… It’s fine.” Bakugou’s glare was once again locked on his own reflection, though the center of his focus was his hips. There was another change to his body, one that he had been doing everything he could to hide from her until recently and had continually hoped that it would just vanish. It happened at the worst time, too, as Koge had just gotten to where she was comfortable making love to him again after further recovering from her trauma as a slave. They had almost gotten back to normal, and then his bloodline had to make the biggest dick move ever. Quite literally, in fact.

His manhood had changed to further match his outward extremities. It wasn’t all that extreme, but it was enough to not only make him horrifically self-conscious about it, but fear that he would never properly have sex again. It had grown, in length and girth, with mostly human characteristics, outside of scales at the base that wrapped back around his hips to his tail, a series of ridges along the sides, and a more angled tip. The foreskin he had always sported did little to hide the changes, even when completely flaccid, though hiding it at all was impossible at this point.

With heightened senses and urges, Bakugou found himself craving Koge’s attention, affection, and body more frequently than he had before. They had gotten used to it when his dick was normal, but for a few weeks, now, he had to suffer through the urges without being able to satisfy himself in any way. At first, he came up with excuses as to why he didn’t want to or couldn’t, mostly concerning the pain of his tail - which wasn’t completely a lie - just so that he could avoid the situation all together. But much to his dismay, Koge was quite clever, and she picked up on his odd behavior quickly.

“Your dick changed, didn’t it?” She had cornered him one morning when she had tried to come onto him right before he got into the bath. “Let me see it!”

He had let her, of course, but that only made things worse for him. She wasn’t put off by the changes in the slightest, nor was she concerned that it would be an issue. But he was, and he couldn’t quite get the fear out of his head. Of course, he knew that he would have to come to terms with it eventually and try to do something with this change, even if that jump was going to be difficult. Each time Koge offered to work with him or try anything, he’d back out, leaving him with a very painful experience of having to let his raging boner settle on its own. He couldn’t quite find it within himself to masturbate to get rid of the buildup or his urges, as even the feeling and pleasures were different and way more intense than what he was used to. Out of everything, his dick was the last thing he expected to change, and it had oddly taken the biggest mental toll on him.

His erections were impossible to hide. Any touch that wasn’t his clothing or taking a piss felt like white hot lightning sparking through his body. Sitting or laying were made even more awkward when paired with his tail. He couldn’t properly make love to his wife. He couldn’t pleasure himself. He had to learn how to not walk awkwardly. Any clothes that could accommodate his tail still couldn’t handle his new manhood.

He was different from head to toe, and that bothered him more than he was willing to say out loud. In the end, he didn’t need to say anything. Koge could see it all, but that didn’t make it any less frustrating for her, too. She wanted to help him adjust, more than anything, but it was impossible if he continually blocked himself off like this. Even now, he was trying to hide his obvious boner with his arms, and the discomfort on his expression was worrisome. He may be too reluctant to do something about it himself, but Koge knew that eventually, she’d have to show him that it was okay. By ‘eventually’, she knew that it would have to be now, while the subject was brought to the front and they had no chance of being interrupted.

“Katsuki,” Koge purred near his ear softly, resting her body against his back while her arms came to rest over his broad shoulders. “Let me try-”

“-Koge-”

“- Just a little. You can’t keep going like this. We can’t keep going like this. Sooner or later, you have to let me face the dragon dick. If you just let me try, you’ll see that it’ll be okay.”

Bakugou glowered at his lover out of the corner of his eye, still hunched over his own body in reluctance and worry. “You haven’t seen it erect yet, Koge. It’s… You can’t take it.”

“You underestimate me a little, I think.” Koge nuzzled her nose against his cheek, giving him a firm kiss on the flushed skin. “I’m not human, remember? And your body is reacting to me. I’ll show you that I can take it just fine. Please?”

“I’ll feel like shit if it doesn’t work out…”

“Or you’ll continue to feel like shit if you never try. Right?”

“Tch… You’re right.”

Scooting off the bed, Koge stood in front of him, holding both of her hands out towards him. “Well? Let me help you, Katsuki. I promise it will feel good for both of us.” Although he wanted to take her hands immediately, Bakugou still hesitated, glancing over her body before catching her gentle gaze. Just looking at her like this, clad in nothing but a white sleeping gown, so flushed and unexpecting, had him immediately struggling not to snatch her off her feet and pin her onto the bed beneath him. The thought had his manhood straining, and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to take this type of painful tension any longer. He needed to get past this, so he shifted himself to sit up, taking both of her hands tenderly in acceptance of her help.

Smiling, Koge stepped in closer to stand between his legs, letting her hands slide up his arms with a slow and gentle touch that had goosebumps prickling along his skin. As she caressed the sides of his neck, his hands took hold of her petite hips, scooting himself closer to the edge of the bed to be able to pull her body flush against him. It was so incredibly difficult to hold himself back, the feeling of her body beneath his hands and the scent of her arousal completely overwhelming him, but the tender kisses she placed on his lips helped keep him grounded. Her purr soothed him, almost to the point that he felt as if he were floating, not noticing her hands slip down between their bodies until they sneaked beneath his pants to grip the source of his problems.

At first, the hiss that escaped from between his teeth was from the chill of her hands, until her fingers traced along the prominent ridges, each little bump feeling as if she were stroking his tip. Or, what he remembered stimulation to his tip feeling like when he still had a normal dick. Then, the hiss grew into a deep growl, his entire body stiffening and his hands slipping around to grip her backside as she stroked him with both hands, up and down the aching shaft while avoiding the tip. “Mm, fuck- Yeah, tighter. That’s it-!”

“My hands can’t even wrap around it all the way, Katsuki. And you’re dribbling so much cum already. It’s so warm.” Taking half a step back, Koge shifted his pants down out of the way to free him completely, keeping a little space between them so she could see her work. She wasn’t the only one watching, Bakugou’s eyes locked on the way her hands moved, displacing the slowly flowing precum with each firm stroke up and down his shaft. With the liquid acting as a lubricant, Koge was able to increase her speed, stroking all the way from the base to right before the tip. Before long, Bakugou’s entire body was trembling, his face shoved into her shoulder as he struggled to control his urges to pant and moan.

“Stop teasing me, Koge!”

“If I go there, you’ll cum really quick.”

“Do it!”

The growling demand made Koge bite her bottom lip, stroking from the base all the way back up to the tip, which immediately forced a trembling moan from his lips as he pulled her body back in closer. He was throbbing in her hands by now, each new stroke across his sensitive tip sending him further into an uncontrollable ecstasy. Within no time, what Koge had warned came to fruition, with Bakugou cumming after a few teasing strokes of her thumb around his tip. The petite woman didn’t expect it, of course, nor did she expect Bakugou to tug her body back up against him while rutting his hips forward so his cock stroked against the silk of her gown and soft form of her stomach. Within seconds, the front of the gown was drenched with his cum, the load much larger than either of them could have really expected. It stuck fast to Koge’s skin, hot and thick, coating her fingers and soaking through the thin fabric of her gown to dribble down her stomach.

Panting as he came down from his high, Bakugou kept his face shoved into her shoulder, his entire body tingling with the weight of his release. “Fuck… That’s so much more than before…”

“If you mean cum, then yeah, that’s a lot.” Koge moved back from him a bit, prompting Bakugou to sit up himself and observe the damage. One hand still lightly stroking up and down his still hard shaft, Koge brought the other to her lips, licking the cum from her fingers. “Mm, yummy. You even taste better, Katsuki.”

“That’s a weird thing to notice.” Bakugou glowered up at his lover as she took another step back, first wiping her hands on her already ruined shift before pulling her arms inside and out through the neck opening. With it being so oversized, and with the added weight of the liquid that soaked it, it fell around her feet, leaving her bare. Just like nearly every time he saw her like this, Bakugou felt a lump grow in his throat, the glow of her pale skin in the dim light bringing on the urge to just touch and squeeze. Though, even as the chance presented itself to him with her crawling up onto his lap, he felt frozen, the nerves of still not being able to do this properly creeping back up on him. “Koge-”

“Shh,” Holding onto his shoulders for support and facing him, Koge straddled his lap, knees firmly dug into the mattress. Not quite sitting down onto him yet, the halfling arched her backside out, turning her head a bit to look over her shoulder at the mirror behind them. “Look, Katsuki. See how wet you make me? How badly my body wants you?”

Tearing his eyes off her collarbone area to look over her shoulder as well, the fire in Bakugou’s chest grew hotter from the view she presented to him, having to clench his teeth together to keep him from acting out. Dripping with her essence, Koge’s pussy was incredibly enticing, puffy, and pink with the need for the attention she had been denied all this time. Even still, she was so incredibly small compared to him, and her petite body just didn’t seem like it would be able to take him comfortably. “Koge… It won’t-”

“It will,” Shifting her hips up, Koge let his cock rest between her legs, lowering herself down just enough to be able to grind against him. “I want your cock inside me so badly, Katsuki.” Cupping his cheeks, Koge kept her lips close to his, moaning softly with the stimulation to her clit. “Please let me. I’m begging you. Can’t you feel how hot my body is for you?”

Gripping onto her hips tightly, Bakugou lightly dug his claws into her skin in frustration, which only prompted more vigorous efforts from his wife. Of course he wanted this. He wanted to fill her up to the brim and fuck her until she was an absolute mess. And he could. She wanted it. Then, with a teasing swipe of her cunt along his tip, she broke his restraint, and all he wanted was to be inside her. With a low growl, he reached up and took a fist full of her hair into his grip at the base of her head, firm enough to make her gasp and stop the rolling of her hips.

“Fine.” Bakugou growled against her jawline, keeping her head firmly pulled back to keep her submissive and in place. “But you’d better be able to take it.” With that, his other hand guided her hips up and back, his tip slipping inside of her with ease. Immediately, a sharp gasp erupted from her throat, both of her hands moving back to clutch onto his shoulders while it took every ounce of Bakugou’s self-control not to slam her down all the way. Instead, he urged her down inch by inch, her chest heaving and body trembling as she took him in. By the time he was completely sheathed inside her, Koge was already nothing more than a panting mess, eyes rolled back, and nails dug into his skin. “Look at you. Fucking ruined already.”

The sound of his voice helped pull her back, biting down onto her bottom lip when he released her hair and catching his gaze. “I-I can take it, though. See? I just… Mm, it feels so good, I can’t… I can’t move.” Koge looked back over her shoulder again to see them, her cheeks flushing bright red at how huge he looked stretching her out like this.

Smirking, Bakugou pressed his lips against her temple, his eyes on their reflection as well. “Let me help you.” Finding that they were sufficiently lubricated, both from her and from his still present cum, Bakugou was easily able to pull her hips up and back down again, using his strength to make her bounce on his cock. The moans that escaped from her lips were like none he had heard before, the pure ecstasy drowning out all rational thought she may have had left. Within no time, she had taken over the rhythm, slamming her hips down onto him from tip to base with only the pleasure driving her forward.

Resting back on his hands to keep them supported, Bakugou couldn’t get his eyes off their reflection, just seeing her body bounce and the way his cock vanished inside her hypnotizing him completely. She could take him, and the feeling of being one with her again like this was beyond what he would consider to be euphoria. Though, it was when she began to grind her hips that he nearly lost his control, tearing his eyes away from the mirror to look down at her. Leaning back with her hands supported on his knees, Koge rolled her hips with just as much effort as she had been before, though her eyes were locked on her stomach.

“F-fuck-!” Overwhelmed with the pleasure, tears began to roll down her brightly flushed cheeks, though they were of little consequence. “Fuck! It’s so good! Your cock is so good! So deep inside me! You can…- ah! You can see it!” Sure enough, with each passing roll of her hips, a bulge was visible in her lower abdomen, instantly bringing a deep growl of satisfaction from Bakugou’s chest.

“Yeah? You like seeing that while you fuck yourself on my cock, Koge?” One arm still behind him for support, his other hand came up to grip her hip, urging her to be more aggressive. “How I fill up that slutty fucking pussy?”

“Yes!” Koge’s voice squeaked and trembled, struggling to keep up the momentum against the pleasure. “I love it!”

“Well here, let me give you a better view.” Simultaneously standing up and scooping her body up off his cock, Bakugou made his way over to the mirror, turning her so that her back was pressed against his torso while supporting and spreading open her legs. Puzzled, Koge could only stare at their reflections, watching his cock twitch and her essence leak from her cunt that was aching for his return. With this view, she could truly see the size of him compared to her, making her feel suddenly so small and vulnerable, yet she wanted his cock back inside her more than anything in that moment.

“K-Katsuki-!”

“What, baby? You want it back inside you?”

“Please!” Koge flexed her feet and toes impatiently, sniffling against her stuffed-up nose that came along with the tears. “Please, Katsuki! Put it back inside- a-ah!!” Clenching her eyes shut tightly, Koge leaned her head back against his shoulder at the feeling of his tip slipping back inside her, though her reaction was cut short by Bakugou’s deep and demanding growl in her ear.

“Lift your head up and watch, you horny bitch. I want you to watch how my cock stretches out that tight little cunt.”

Taking in trembling breaths, Koge weakly lifted her head, teary gaze locked back on their reflections. She watched as demanded, gasping and hiccupping as each inch vanished inside her, until he had filled her up to the base. In this position, the bulge in her lower abdomen was even more visible, though she didn’t have much time to take it all in before he started to thrust his hips up into her. A squeal escaped her parted lips with the first rough thrust, sending more pleasured tears cascading down her cheeks as he fucked her. With him in control, it felt like a completely different experience, her mind no longer having to focus on attempting to move.

Now, all she had was him, fucking her relentlessly while she rested secure against his chest. The visual of them only made her hotter, able to see the way his cock ravaged her, his large hands supporting her legs, her breasts bouncing with the movement, and even his expression. That is what she loved to watch the most, how his expression was contorted with the pleasure and he was absolutely lost in it. Though, his eyes were on the reflection as well, and they eventually caught hers staring at his face.

Bakugou felt himself immediately overwhelmed with the state of her ruined body, limp in his grip and completely drunk with pleasure. He wanted to destroy her more, to sink his teeth and claws into her silky flesh until she was marked head to toe by him. And yet, he wanted to hold and caress her, just to feel her tender touch along his burning skin. He wanted all of her and more. “What, Koge? Is it too much for you?”

“N-no-!”

“No?”

“No! I-I love it! I love it! Fuck-!” Koge leaned her head back, eyes rolling up as Bakugou adjusted the position to slam even harder into her. “Yes! I-I haven’t stopped cumming since you put it inside me-! I can’t think!”

“You’re such a good girl. You want my cum, baby?”

“Yes! Yes, I want it! Please fill me up! Breed me! I’m begging you!”

Something animalistic snapped inside Bakugou with her plea, and without a second thought, he turned and shoved her face down into the bed, keeping her hips up in his firm grip as he fucked her mercilessly. Koge’s voice once again peaked, clutching onto the sheets as she moaned and cried into them. The new aggression and dominance he was displaying had her entire body screaming to have his cum inside her, the urge to mate with him so strong that she couldn’t ignore it. All she could sense was him, from his scent to the taste his cum had left on her lips, and without him she knew she would surely go insane.

“Such an obedient little mate,” Bakugou’s grunts and moans began to mix with a deep growl, sending prickling goosebumps across Koge’s flushed and sweaty skin. “I’ll fill you up, slut. I’ll make sure you get what you’re begging for.”

Within the next few moments, Bakugou’s thrusts became erratic as he shifted his body closer to hover over her, digging himself in as deep as he could as he released inside her. With each rough buck of his hips into hers, Koge could feel the hot, thick liquid fill her, struggling to find room beside the large presence of his cock. Still, she couldn’t move or say a word, her entire body twitching and pulsing with the remnants of her final orgasm, squeezing his cock and forcing a sharp hiss from his behind his teeth.

“That’s it, baby. Take it all in.” Taking hold of her ass in his hands, Bakugou spread her open, smirking in satisfaction at the sight of his cum leaking from her cunt around his cock. Slowly, he began to pull out, giving a deep purr at the mess his cum made with his exit, dribbling from her and onto the bed. “Fuck. Your cunt’s too small for all that cum, Koge.”

Panting as she tried to recover some feeling in her limbs, Koge weakly reached down between her legs, using her petite fingers to stroke along her cum stained pussy, pushing them inside her and spreading herself open. “C’mon, Katsuki… Don’t let it all drip out. I told you to breed me.”

“You think I’m done with you?” Grabbing her by the arms, Bakugou pulled her upper body back against his, one of his hands caressing her neck while he kissed her flushed cheek tenderly. “My pretty mate… I’ll make sure you’re bred properly.”

Smiling, Koge placed her hand on his cheek, guiding his lips down to hers. “Mm… you’d better. Now shove that big cock back inside me. And make sure to use your teeth this time. Don’t be gentle with me.”

“Only if you beg.”

#bnhabookclub #bnha imagines #bnha scenarios #bakugou x oc #bakugou #katsuki bakugou #bnha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #oc #original character #koge #bakugou x koge #bnha fanfiction #bnha writing blog #cutesuki-oc #bingo #cutesuki scenarios

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neuxue · 4 years

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I love how you write about Nynaeve (I have not read books 12-14) and she was amazing in 11, and I love her but also, she has bad things that I don't like to think about her. I feel like she's a hypocrite shaming the PoV guy and making Lan lead troops even though he hates when men die & its his responsibility. Also she thinks Masema's right & her dress is male gaze, but she yells at him to make him feel guilty to get her a ship. And maybe she's a gold digger? Would you mind reassuring me?

Oh man. So first, foremost, and always: you do not need anyone’s permission to like (or dislike) a fictional character. You do not need good reasons to like (or dislike) a fictional character. You can like a character despite their flaws. You can like a character because of their flaws. You can dislike a character who has never done anything wrong in their life. You can like (or dislike) a character without justifying yourself for doing so.

All of the negative things you mention about Nynaeve are arguably accurate to some degree (I mean, I’m not entirely sure where gold digger is coming from, but aside from that). But this is where I get so frustrated with the trend in parts of fandom right now of ‘you’re only allowed to like things that are 100% pure and unproblematic’ because a character having flaws shouldn’t make someone feel like they can’t like them. (Again, it’s absolutely fine if those flaws make that character unlikeable for you; your lines in the sand are your own. But you shouldn’t be made to feel guilty or uncertain about liking a character just because they — gasp! — have some flaws).

Yes, Nynaeve has flaws. She’s loyal, brave, determined, empathetic almost to a fault. She’s also hypocritical, insecure, judgemental, and painfully un-self-aware. She’s complicated, she’s messy, she’s flawed, she’s human.

And at least for me, that’s a part of why I do like her as a character. These aren’t just little token quirks masquerading as flaws, edges sanded down to make them palatable, brushed aside as soon as she needs a heroic moment. Instead these are fundamental parts of her, just as her better qualities are. It’s part of what makes her character development and growth so interesting, because these are some very real things she has to actually work through and with and around. And some of these, she doesn’t completely solve (at least by book 11), which again makes her arc feel richer, to me. Because it’s not just about ticking a series of ‘overcame this flaw’ boxes.

Like, take her hypocrisy. Yes, it’s definitely an aspect of her character, but it stems largely — as I think it does in a lot of people — not from malice or arrogance but from insecurity. It’s so easy to, when you dislike or are afraid of something in yourself, project it onto others instead, notice those qualities in them, and dislike or judge them for it. It’s a method of denial, of distancing yourself from that thing you don’t want to face, of... confronting it externally to shield yourself from a similar attack being levelled against this vulnerable part of yourself. And so for Nynaeve, it’s about gradually acknowledging some of those insecurities, and recognising her own fears, and learning herself, and coming to terms with what she sees. That’s what gives us moments like her breaking her block — it’s beautiful in part because there’s so much that builds up to it, and a lot of that comes from letting those flaws have their place.

As for the whole Golden Crane thing she sets up with Lan... this one’s complicated, which is probably a large part of why I personally like it so much. It plays right into a whole tangle of questions of agency and autonomy: if Lan has the right to choose to ride alone to his death, do those who Nynaeve recruits not also have the right to choose to ride alongside him? And what is permitted, when the purpose is to save a life? Lan is functionally suicidal but at least part of that is due to the effects of the Warder bond breaking (and another part due to being conditioned since childhood to see his own life as meaningless beyond giving it for his fallen nation), so Nynaeve’s now in the position of choosing between: preventing Lan from going at all (impinging on his autonomy and causing him further pain and distress), letting him go alone as he wishes (which would likely result in his death), or letting him go but providing him as much assistance as she can (involving some trickery and circumventing part of his wishes). What’s the right choice, then? Is there one? (Tangentially, we actually play in this space a fair bit in WoT — Elayne’s bonding of Birgitte is another good example. Is it the ethical choice, given the circumstances? Up to you!). These are some complicated questions of ethics, in a pretty high-stakes situation! And you can decide for yourself whether she’s right or wrong to do as she did, but I will say for her that her intentions are good.

I don’t have much to say on the Masema thing, honestly — I personally deal with it by just... accepting that I’m not always going to agree with the characters or the narrative on everything relating to gender, which is fine. But I also think it’s another thing that plays into some of Nynaeve’s insecurities: she’s trying to find her place in the world, and some of that includes how she relates to her own femininity. She comes from a place with certain attitudes and values, and she felt like she had to express (or not express) that aspect of herself in a particular way, and part of finding her place in this much wider world is figuring out what she actually wants there, and there’s some discomfort as she adjusts to that, because some of it feels shameful when it comes up against those attitudes and values she was raised with. It’s again about insecurity and becoming more comfortable with who she is, but it’s not exactly a smooth path. Also that whole conversation with Masema is just Extremely Stressful, and Nynaeve deals with stress by being stubborn and angry at the world, so.

Anyway, specifics aside, my point very much remains: it’s okay to like flawed characters! The flaws can be a large part of what makes them interesting — not just their existence, but the way that character deals with or learns from or grows past or around those flaws. Ultimately it’s up to you whether the things you don’t like outweigh the things you do, and it’s okay to have to think through that and decide what you’re comfortable with, but I really cannot emphasise enough: it’s okay to like flawed characters. I mean, we’re all flawed people, right?

#i hope this helps!#do you know how hard it was #to not turn this whole thing into an angry essay #on the policing of what people get to like in fandom #(not angry at you anon! at that part of fandom! just to be clear!)#asks #anon #wheel of time #nynaeve al'meara #long post #suicide mention cw

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gautierprotectionsquad · 3 years

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Saint and the Sinner by Sam Burns review (contains spoilers)

Book 4 of the Wilde Love series.

I don’t know why i call these reviews. they’re more like reactions. I end up spending a large part of this post angry ranting about Brendan Quinn.

I thought this book might take place around the same time as book 2. At least chapter 1 is a scene that happened in book 2 in Owen’s pov. Also, great chapter title. “Owen Gets a Prologue, Sort Of.” I never mention them but the chapter titles for these books are pretty good. Not so much for book 3 bc book 3 was sad.

I headcanonned Owen as demiromantic and Mickey as demisexual before reading this book. I don’t really headcannon them as that anymore.

I’m glad there’s a barista showing concern for him. I love how this series gives it’s extras so much life within the story. They aren’t just bystanders, they’re people.

Oh wow. Mickey kissed him. Within the first chapter. How long has mickey been harboring those feelings? I do not mind a sex scene in chapter 1. Such a good sex scene.

“I have feelings.” He was terrified for a moment that Owen was saying he had feelings for him, and that would be the end of him. “And I show them all the time. Is that a problem?” Dude are you fking stupid? Owen’s had feelings for you since forever. You knows he’s been into you since he was 13.

wAIT. Mickey just assumed Key knew he was bi? OWEN had to be the one to tell him his brother had no clue? I honestly don’t know who’s stupider, mickey or key. When we first met mickey, liam said he was straight too. Are all his friends just assuming he’s straight bc he was dating Amy or is he just living life as he is but never explicitly saying he’s bi and just assuming his friends would figure it out? Like a part of me thinks he just doesn’t tell his friends stuff.

Also, damn owen. He definitely loves knowing he has that kinda power over mickey’s dick now.

I’m a bit worried that mickey is the guy brendan quinn has in mind as his replacement. Damn just confirmed right after i typed that. fuuuuck.

“You will be okay, O. No matter what, I’ll make sure you’re okay.”

So this is the first book where the conflicts do get in the way of the relationship. Both are dealing with an internalized and some external conflict (mostly mickey) at the prospect of actually being together and Mickey wants to back out. I mean, technically Jake also had the internal conflict of his grief and sexuality preventing him from asking Brian out but that’s not the same. Mickey and Owen have already slept together, but emotional feelings haven’t really been talked about and i don’t think either of them are going to talk about it honestly bc owen doesn’t want to scare mick away and mick doesn’t think he deserves nice things. Book 1 and 2, the lovers decide they like each other and that they want to keep them fairly quickly. Nothing gets in their way or convinces them they should “let them go” or whatever despite things trying to get in their way like an ex or the moral dilemma of dating someone while undercover. Mick, on the other hand, is trying to push Owen away. While trying not to be a dick.

So many romance novel protagonists, when trying to push their loved one away, DO try and succeed in being a dick.

“It had been the most amazing kiss, and the worst thing that had ever happened to Owen. After it, he’d been sure of two things. The first was that Mickey had feelings for him too. The second was that Mickey never intended to kiss him again.” Just like what I said. This type of angst wasn’t in the previous books. It’s like book 1 and 2 were almost identical and then Sam Burns decided to spice it up a bit.

“Or the fact that I hate writing research papers, even though I like doing research.” BITCH FUCKING SAME!

THE ANGST. Dammit Brenden Quinn. Why’d you have to say “you’re the boss.” In front of your son! “Mickey was pretty sure his leg wasn’t what was in danger of getting broken in this mess.” AAAHHH. BRENDEN FUCK YOU. he did it on purpose! HE KNEW. Asshole.

Maybe he just noticed Mick staring longingly, not that Owen loved him back or that they’ve kissed/slept together? He’s still a major asshole, crushing the heart of a guy who is family to him.

What’s the point of being supportive of them being gay if you hate every guy they choose for themselves and are the reason behind almost every breakup?

Mick’s chosen to talk to keegan about his problems. Good but also. God he’s so bad at-Couldn’t have softened the blow a little? Jesus. Key already knew he’s supposed to be the new boss and key’s the best person to talk to about that but the Owen situation. Thank you keegan for giving me a satisfying hilarious response. And telling him what he needed to hear. Love that Keegan is basically like “WOW good for Owen!”

So keegan’s vote is 1) you don’t want to be the boss anyway (so i guess he’s telling him to tell Brendan no?) 2) totally cool with you dating my brother. He’s an adult and can make his own choices. Don’t break it off bc you feel like he deserves better or whatever other stupid exuses you have. I love Keegan.

“For a fraction of a second, there was something that resembled real sadness in the old man’s eyes, but it disappeared almost as soon as he saw it.” So you feel bad now?

“Owen frowned. He wasn’t sure why, but he wanted to get a rise out of her. He wanted her to be angry. It didn’t make sense. Did he want her to be angry with him, or Mickey? “I slept with him.” God, Owen and Mick are so alike.

So Litty’s saying that Mick’s not like his father’s other thugs so Owen shouldn’t be treating him like one? That he shouldn’t be mad at him for working for his father. I think he’s allowed to be a little mad though bc Mick hates it. He’s only doing it bc he feels like he has to, that he has no choice. But i guess Owen has to learn to be ok with the idea that he might be the boss and choose to not care, to love him anyway. The way Joe doesn’t care that Keegan used to be a gangster or that he loves his dad despite the crime. The way Alex chose to love Liam even if he was in the mafia even though he didn’t really have to go through that moral dilemma bc Liam was actually a cop.

“Owen had always thought Mickey was working for his father because he didn’t think he had another choice. Surely, if he was going to be the man in charge, he had to know that he had all the choice. He did. Right?”

Is he going to invite Mick to hawaii with him?

They are both so fucking insecure jesus christ. Especially Mick which is what’s causing all this mess.

Hey mickey? Maybe don’t kiss a boy after you tried to break off any kind of relationship you could have had with him? Mickey should be more considerate of Owen’s emotions. He knows Owen has loved him since he was a teenager and he keeps breaking this poor kid’s heart because he keeps convincing himself he’s not good enough for him while still being too tempted to completely pull away. “You can’t jerk me around like this. Make up your mind, dammit.” YEAH funicking tell him!

“I like people who aren’t afraid of me. Who tell me when I’m being a jackass.”

“You’re being a jackass.”

HAHA! Mickey actually says what he wants!

Ah shit they’re interrupted by the boss. Owen’s going to be so fucking mad when he finds out his dad has been encouraging Mick’s self loathing. Fucker.

Owen’s turn to talk to keegan.

So basically this book’s main conflict is Mick and Brendan’s self hatred. Hey Dudes! GET OVER YOURSELVES!

“And as long as Mickey was around their father every single day, there wasn’t a damn thing Owen could do to shake that hold, he was sure. The old man would call, Mickey would answer, and any progress Owen made would be lost.” So Owen is going to take him to hawaii? Oh. it’s more evil than that. He’s not inviting him. He’s going to trick him into thinking he’s in danger. And Keegan’s going to help.

So despite trying to pull them apart from each other, he can see his son wants mick still. That makes him more of an ass. LET your children BE HAPPY goddammit. No you don’t know what’s best for them. Stop trying to ruin shit for them.

“Going to take him to Europe and lose his passport so he can’t come back to work?” Owen scowled. That was actually kind of clever. He wondered if it would have worked.” pfft.

No, i’m still mad at his dad though. He knew how his son felt about Mick and about the business and encouraged Mick to go deeper into it and acts like it’s ineffable just bc he thinks Mick and him are alike. You told Mick with your own words that you think Owen deserves better. You shut Mick down before he could even ask to date your son. Don’t you think you’re taking part in making him feel unworthy, in making him feel like he can’t be reformed? You knew your son was never going to want anyone else and you still pushed them apart bc you thought you knew better. It’s understandable for Owen to not hate him but I’m going to hate him.

So even though his dad kind of approved of Owen trying to take Mick away and win him over, they’re still going with their plan to trick Mick instead of simply having his dad not force Mick to his side and actually start telling him nice things and start -i don’t know- Stop trying to keep his son away from what he wants. What’s with the talk of him possibly never going to be able to come back home?

Pfft. so literally all he had to do was leave at an odd time and that was enough to freak Mick out? HAHAHAHAHA. I mean everything else is pretty standard and Keegan actually tried to ease his worry by telling him he was going on vacation (which he is). I thought the plan was keegan was going to call pretending to be worried about Owen on his trip, maybe lie and say some russians were there. Nope. What he did was completely normal, he just left at an odd time and took all his favorite stuff on his trip with him (which is...normal?). The only thing off is that he didn’t tell anyone about it. (except he did tell keegan. keegan just didn’t mention that.) Mickey’s such a mother hen for owen. He should have been hired as Owen’s bodyguard. Lord knew, he needed one in school. He did get bullied.

Now i’m thinking of an au where Mick was hired as owen’s bodyguard instead of hired to do errands.

“...Brendan...was watching him with something like curiosity.” so brendon is finally seeing it? The love and care and worry Mick has for his son?

For the first time in his life, Mickey’s patience with Brendan Quinn ran out. “With all due respect, sir, don’t you think Owen is more important than any of that?”

“I didn’t say he wasn’t,” Brendan countered. “Are you telling me that he is to you? More important than your job? Your future?”

Brendan’s testing him. He wants him to put his son before his work. He’s being difficult on purpose. I can understand the “being difficult and disapproving to force their child’s lover to have to prove themselves worthy of their kid” trope but this is different. Brendon’s known Mick for most of his life and encouraged him to go into a path that he knew would taint him when he could have gotten him legitimate work. I feel like it’s unfair. Yeah, Mick needed to learn to tell the old man to fuck off and choose Owen above Brendan but i feel like Brendan was playing unfair.

The classic run to the airport because you realized you’re in love and you’re scared you’re never going to see them again.

I feel like i’m missing the point/not meeting the book where it’s at. The book is leading me somewhere but I’m not following it. I’ve felt it since that “heart to heart” between Owen and his dad. When his dad finally conceded a bit and encouraged Owen to go after what he wants. I’m still holding it against Brendan bc I feel like this conflict is all his fault. I blame Brendan for breaking his son’s heart by giving the empire to someone he knew his son was in love with, knowing how much his son hated the business. But the story is treating it like the conflict is mostly Mick’s fault, which, some of it is, but Mick might not feel as undeserving if it wasn’t for Brendan. If Brendan weren’t so fucking difficult to deal with, there wouldn’t be so much less conflict.

I wish Owen and Mick got to communicate with each other more. I don’t know how close this book is to ending but I’m going to leave this book disappointed if it ends soon bc these idiots spent most of it away from each other and didn’t talk about what they wanted enough. I mean, they had sex, then Mick pushed him away, then owen found out mick was the new boss, then owen avoided him for a while, then mick kissed him and told him what he wanted but owen couldn’t say anything back bc brendan called, then owen went on his trip and mick is following bc he loves him. I didn’t really get to see them spend time with each other that much.

You don’t give something to a poor kid who has never asked for anything in his life and then ask him for 10x more and expect him to not say yes to everything and only agree to what he wants too. Brendan talks about mick’s criminality like it’s who he is and not something brendan forced him to do. Mick never felt like he had a choice in the matter. Brendan built his empire from the ground up bc he wanted it. MICK DOESN’T WANT THIS. He is NOT Brendan! he feels sick to his stomach doing this work and only says yes to you cause you never let him know he could say no. i wanted brendan to feel guilty. Instead he’s probably going to die and the book is going to treat it like it’s all sad and i’m going to be PISSED. Bc you dont get to mold a kid into a criminal than hold that against him when he finally says he WANTS something.

The book is not looking at the full picture it painted. It’s not judging brendan for the choices he’s made. It’s not examining them. It’s not blaming him. It’s a dick move to ask so much from mick and then shut him down before he could even ask to date your son when he has never asked you for anything. And then hold stuff YOU MADE HIM DO against his character. WTF. he only ever asked for something once and you told him to his face that he didn’t deserve it.

Brendan better not die before Mick gets to say to his face that he never wanted any of this. That he only ever worked for him bc he felt like he owed him. That the only thing mick and brendan have in common is a love for family and loyalty and a love for Owen and Keegan.

It’s kind of frustrating the way Owen and Mick talk about Mick continuing to work for Brendan. He doesn’t want to keep working the business bc he actually enjoys it; He just doesn’t think he’s qualified to do anything else. He never got a chance to figure out what he wants to do with his life. He doesn’t like his job. Owen has to keep saying that he’s fine with Mick still working for his dad if he wants-owen isn’t going to force him to quit-but it’s just so frustrating bc this is with the assumption that Mick wants that.

Okay. i just needed to let out my anger. Let’s pretend brendan doesn’t exist or matter or has ever had any affect on the decisions made by mick.

“This was the trip Mickey had talked about taking for years, since he was a kid. And Owen was taking him—had tricked him into it” this is actually really sweet.

God he should have pulled the prank on him pretending he forgot the condoms. I could just imagine the reaction; it would have been so funny!

Since they’ve already been in love with each other before the book started the last words aren’t going to be their first i love you’s in the story like the previous books.

“We could be married. If you wanted.” They both froze. “Mickey?” Owen whispered. “Did you just half-assed ask me to marry you in a swimsuit shop?” “May-be?”

I can’t believe he said marry me before he said i love you.

“Fuck, O, I love you so much.” 7 pages after.

They get to spend a lot of time together thanks to this trip. It’s very cute.

He DOESN’T. He’s just a pessimistic ass who doesn’t say out loud how much he hates it and doesn’t think himself capable of doing anything else. The book’s solution is to have Mick working for Brendan’s legitimate construction company but I don’t think that’s a real answer? The REAL answer would be to give Mick a chance to figure out what he’s passionate about; to finally accept that he’s worthy of getting the things he wants and to not think so lowly of himself. He’s not a poor kid desperate for money and food anymore and hasn’t been for a long time. Plus Keegan and Owen would totally be ok with supporting him financially while he gets the qualifications to do what he wants. He needs to learn that he can ask for and accept help without having to pay anyone back. He’s allowed to want things.

It just feels weird that book 1 was about Alex, who quit law school and got disowned so that he could crash on his friend’s couch with nothing but the clothes on his back and his philosophy textbooks bc he reached for what he was actually passionate about and here we are, the last book in the series, and the topic of Mick trying to find something he’s passionate about isn’t even discussed or explored at all. This book’s conflict is more than just Mick wanting to be with Owen but feeling like he owes Brendan and needs to do what Brendan wants. Wanting to be with Owen but working as a criminal. It’s about Mick not being able to accept any act of kindness without feeling like he has to pay them back tenfold. It’s about him feeling like he’s not allowed to want for anything because he’s already been given more than he thinks he deserves.

yeah he’s accepting a ceo position for brendan’s construction company but does he want that? Or does he just want to work a legal job and he would

have accepted it no matter what it was (except working at Wilde’s bc that would be too easy). Is he accepting it without argument bc he feels like he can ask for this or bc Brendan’s just handing it to him and it’s no different than continuing to say yes to whatever Brendan wants-it’s just now he’s saying no to illegal stuff.

“Plus, if he’s halfway out, it’s not crushing his soul the same way, right?” It’s this shit right here! Mick never says he doesn’t want to work for Brendan bc it’s crushing his soul, because he hates killing, because he doesn’t WANT to, out loud. He says it’s because he doesn’t want to hurt Owen. “I don’t want Owen to get a visit saying I’m not coming home. I don’t want him to see my face all over the news if I get busted and put away. I want him to be happy.” That’s what he says when he’s asked why he wants to quit the business. And it’s really frustrating??? At least Brendan finally acknowledged that Mick and he are not the same, that Brendan would kill his best friend to reach a goal but Mick wouldn’t kill his. Except Mick would rather not kill anyone if he can avoid it.

Anyway we’re close to the end. We’ve got a wedding scene.

“She snorted and rolled her eyes in disgust.“Yeah, but they thought you were straight. So now they just think everybody’s bisexual, especially if they want it to be true.” gross.

“Poor thing was so embarrassed when he started leering at your brother that he apologized to me.” dude

“Holy hell,” Keegan whispered. “You’re really in love with my brother.”\Mickey peered up at him. Was he kidding? In fact, Keegan

looked completely sincere. “Um, duh? I better love him. We’re getting married in, like, five minutes.” asdfghjklkjhgfds

We get a domestic shopping scene and christmas. Mick is happy with the office job he has. And Owen’s still trying to figure out what to do with his degree since no fbi agency would accept him bc of his crime family. Based no that domestic shopping scene and “He didn’t even know who’d done the decorating in the Quinn house. Wilkes, probably. Whoever it was, they’d done a magnificent job.” this, Owen might become an interior decorator? With a criminal justice degree.

Mick to key about jon “You’re dating Mister Rogers.”

“Heh. Mickey’s husband.” same energy as “heh. Wife” - vespa ilkay

“Jon was unreasonably pleased with the personalized monogrammed handkerchiefs that Mickey bought him, and he even had a smile for Brendan when the man told him that his gift was that he hadn’t bought the fed “a damned thing.”

“Owen gave Keegan a copy of the Kama Sutra as a joke, and was horrified when Keegan gave him a satisfied smile, handed it back to him, and told him he already had one.” hold on. “The Kama Sutra is an ancient Indian Sanskrit text on sexuality, eroticism and emotional fulfillment in life. Attributed to Vātsyāyana, the Kama Sutra is neither exclusively nor predominantly a sex manual on sex positions, but written as a guide to the art of living well, the nature of love, finding a life partner, maintaining one's love life, and other aspects pertaining to pleasure-oriented faculties of human life” ok.

Mick never killed jimmy. He mentioned at the beginning of the book that he lied to the old man a lot. This is what he meant. Brendan would order someone dead and he’d find a way to not do that while still making it look like he did what the boss wanted.

Brendan died not from sickness but he got shot on the job. Died trying to do the right thing. Penny, the asshole who kidnapped Alex in the first book, is out of jail and is the new boss of the mafia crime business.

The Quinn family house gets turned into “The Brendan Quinn Shelter for Homeless LGBT Teens.” COOL!

Last words are I love you.

THE END

#long post #romanticsap #sam burns #saint and the sinner #mlm books #lgbt books #romance books #reaction #reviews #reading

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mydearjonah · 4 years

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The Magnus Archives & MBTI Part 1 -- Jon & Martin

Hello. When I was a depressed 19-year old, I hyperfixated on the Meyers-Briggs personality typing system in an effort to solve all of my interpersonal problems.(1) It didn’t work, but ever since then I have been cursed both with deep, useless knowledge and searing, useless opinions. In the hopes that sharing my terrible burden with others will allow me to one day find the rest I so desire, I would like to introduce you today to what is, as far as I can tell, the first dedicated MBTI typing post in this fandom.(2)

The hyperfixation ran deep, so I am trying to make this as intelligible as possible. If you so desire it, this is a great general resource for typing. If you have opinions or thoughts, PLEASE share them. Much like a fear avatar slurps up people’s trauma, I am sustained in part by healthy, albeit occasionally heated, debates over MBTI types. You should have seen the time I typed Kanye West on Reddit.(3)

Jonathan Sims -- INTP Confidence Level: 90% Certainly (at the very least): IxTx

It is easy and tempting to type Jon Sims as an INTJ. After all, he certainly fits many of the stereotypes: bookish, awkward, out of touch with his feelings and his environment, with a tendency to come off as overly critical. I am not saying that this typing is necessarily wrong, but I do not think that it should be taken for granted.

Jon is clearly an introvert and a thinker (IxTx). It is tempting to type him as an intuitive as well, but I caution against this and suspect that it is an example of intuitive bias. Certainly I do not believe that he has the kinetic knowledge and energy of an ISTP – he hasn’t done a single damn thing in this entire podcast to make me think that he has any higher-level grasp of Extroverted Sensing (Se), the function an ISTP uses most confidently to interact with the outer world – but, if INTJ is in consideration, ISTJ should not be written off.

ISTJs and INTJs use the same auxiliary function, Extroverted Thinking (Te), to interact with their environments. Te is often characterized as being cold, clinical, unfeeling, and pragmatic: essentially, how Jon comes off in the early series, especially S1. The difference between them is their dominant function, or their primary way of existing and processing information. ISTJs are led by Introverted Sensing (Si), which is best conceived of as a “web” (haha) of past experiences and sensory details that a user can access when making decisions. INTJs are led by Introverted Intuition (Ni), which is a largely unconscious and abstract style of pattern-sensing which feeds a user insights about the world around them. For Jon, I think that fair arguments could be made either way for dom Si or dom Ni. Does Jon rely more on what has come before (ISTJ) or what may come next (INTJ) to guide his thinking? It could be either, in my opinion, and it is especially difficult to tell because the Beholding itself is an EXTREMELY Ni domain. As the series progresses, Jon’s choices and behavior are colored so thoroughly by his patron that it is difficult to separate evidence of natural Ni intuition from plain old Beholding intuition.

So, with this in mind, why have I typed him as an INTP of all things? It all comes down to the INTP’s inferior function, Extroverted Feeling (Fe). Your inferior function is the thing that you use but aren’t very good at – it tends to be what gets you into trouble. Fe is best understood as a natural awareness of other people’s emotions as well as the privileging of group values over individual values, so inferior Fe users tend to be sensitive to other people but not super great at actually interacting with them. It is tempting to type Jon as an IxTJ because he comes off like a high Te user at first, but it’s pretty well-established at this point that he’s projecting that persona due to his insecurities. This, in my opinion, is classic inferior Fe. He knows that there is a broader group expectation for his behavior in his new position, but he is (a) too out of his depth to project it naturally and (b) not savvy enough to find a middle ground so he overcompensates and comes off like an asshole. So many of his interpersonal problems stem from this same issue. He clearly cares deeply about group values, other people, and their opinions of him but he struggles to read social situations well and is then caustic as a defense mechanism.(4) So much of his emotional growth has been about him being softer and kinder, even as he grows more monstrous, and to trust others, especially Martin… that’s an inferior Fe narrative.

Once you’ve nailed INTP as his type because of the inferior Fe, I think that everything else falls into place. INTPs lead with Introverted Thinking (Ti), which is a logic-based, internal system of categorization, and they interact with the external world through Extroverted Intuition (Ne), which is a creative, abstract, “idea machine” approach to environmental analysis. In essence, INTPs are logical, systems thinkers (Ti) who basically try out new ideas by throwing them at the wall and seeing if they stick (Ne). I think that describes Jon far more accurately than the IxTJ approach, which tends to be far more reserved and calculated.

Martin Blackwood -- ISFJ Confidence Level: 70% Certainly (at the very least): IxFx

I have found Martin to be a particularly challenging character to type. After a great deal of thinking, and some helpful input from @twinliches, I have gone with ISFJ.

Martin is an introvert whose primary mode of interaction with the external world is through Extroverted Feeling (Fe). He cares primarily about the group and is sensitive to its dynamic, he has a good read on other people’s emotions, and he is able to easily maneuver through interpersonal situations to his own benefit and the benefit of those he cares about. But what is this Fe working conjunction with? As a prominent Fe user and an introvert, Martin’s only two options are to have dominant Introverted Sensing (Si), which would make him an ISFJ, or dominant Introverted Intuition (Ni), which would make him an INFJ. So, does Martin rely on a “web” (badumtssh) of past experiences to connect with others (Si), or is he using a more unconscious, forward-thinking intuition to do so (Ni)?

It is extremely tempting to type Martin as an INFJ, but, honestly, I think that do so is an example of intuitive bias. His actual choices – how he moves through the world and comes to conclusions, the way that he relates to others, the things that he fears – strike me far more as dominant Si than dominant Ni. Although he may not always broadcast it, Martin is shrewd and observant when it comes to interpersonal relations, and his grounded, real-world knowledge of how people are acting, how similar situations have played out in the past, and what details others are missing is what allows him to so consistently outmaneuver the big bads. A Ni user may come to similar conclusions, but they just don’t get there in the same way. Martin is also invested in maintaining social harmony by providing a sense of stability, which is a classic ISFJ move. INFJs are more likely to promote social harmony by using their Ni insights and Fe people skills to actively influence group dynamics for what they believe is the better. Martin doesn’t really ever do that – instead, he works to make sure that everyone is taken care of, whether that means bringing them tea, dragging them out to lunch or for drinks, or sacrificing himself to the Lonely so Peter leaves Jon alone.

I anticipate that one potential criticism of my Martin typing will be in regard to the inferior function. ISFJs and INFJs have different inferior functions: ISFJs have inferior Extroverted Intuition (Ne), which means they can struggle with open-endedness and have a tendency to catastrophize, and INFJs have inferior Extroverted Sensing (Se), which means they struggle with being in touch with their physical environment and can overindulge in sensory activities. People with inferior Se often have difficult relationships with their physical forms, and Martin’s canon and fanon body image issues certainly fit the bill. But inferior Se users are not the only ones who struggle with their bodies, and, overall, I don’t think the INFJ’s broader function stacking fits Martin as well as ISFJ does. Plus, I think there is just as much, if not more, evidence for manifestations of inferior Ne from Martin.

To wrap it all up, here is my final Martin take: Martin is an ISFJ who, if he knows anything about the MBTI, thinks that he is an INFJ. He was probably accurately typed on whatever popular test he took, but he read some anti-Sensor bullshit that included a hackneyed portrayal of Si, thought “I’m not boring and conservative… I can’t actually be an ISFJ! I must be an INFJ.” For a time, he even has “INFJ” in his Twitter bio. Sometimes he wonders if he’s mistyped because he doesn’t totally relate to the stray descriptions of Ni-Se that he comes across… but he figures that, if he is, he’s probably actually an INFP. He really likes their whole aesthetic… artsy, sensitive, caring, intuitive, and his favorite poets are INFPs. What he’s really vibing with here is their Si-Ne, which he can relate to… because as an ISFJ, he also uses those same functions! If post-series Martin is alive (and living happily with his husband, Jonathan Blackwood-Sims, of course), I bet that his increased self-knowledge and confidence will allow him to solidly write “ISFJ” in that online bio. I want that for him. And for all of you ISFJs out there, too!

On a personal note, I also really love ISFJ Martin/INTP Jon in the context of the ship. ISFJs and INTPs use the same functions, just in a different order! They can connect by sharing their Ti and Si thoughts and insights. Jon can help Martin develop his Ne, and Martin can (and already has!!) help Jon develop his poor inferior Fe by giving him an example of a much stronger, far healthier one. It is just *chef’s kiss*

Up next: Jonahlias, Peter, and Gertrude!

(1) The actual answer to my interpersonal problems was therapy and life experience. Who knew!

(2) If I’m wrong, let me know. We all know how useless the Tumblr search function is, and I also couldn’t find anything indexed on Google besides the Personality Database.

(3) Kanye West is an ESTP, btw.

(4) I’m not saying that Fi users don’t do this, but I think you tend to see more & genuinely meant “I don’t give a fuck” from them because they’re operating a little more on their own wavelength. I’m not sure if Jon knows himself as well as a Fi user, even an inferior Fi user, does.

#the magnus archives #tma #martin blackwood #jonathan sims #jonmartin #my stuff #my boy #martin #mbti stuff #intp #isfj

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valsedelesruines · 3 years

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I once told Will that I found this new ideology of privilege was equivalent to the Christian dogma that all people are born in sin. Of course a simplification and quick comparison, but it has often felt like that in my experience lately, both in academic and personal circles. I have noticed something change in my interactions and conversations with people I know the last few years. As soon as people bring up personal anecdotes about my life, such as my economic, ethnic, cultural, etc. background, I start to lose interest, because the conversation no longer becomes a debate rather than a competition of subjectivity under the guise that one opinion is true. There are a few issues I find with this. For one, as an archaeologist, I fully understand that context is key, but the context works for all participants. Any ideology held right now by anyone is not truth. For example, let’s take economic liberalism (instead of my usual default example of Marxism lol). Economic liberalism is a relatively new concept but one that has been largely accepted in many circles as a true basis for interpreting the interface between our economic and political systems. This is cool, and there are many cool, new ideologies, philosophies, and perspectives that have influenced our modern culture, but the key is that most of what makes up our modern culture is formulated on ideas that are often less than 300 years old. So, how can we rely on these new ideas as a true, objective foundation for how the world works? The answer is we can’t, but we often get wrapped up in it and do. People forget that something like politics is a social science with a basis on philosophy. There is no truth in politics, otherwise we would all believe in the same thing. Surely if these ideas were universally true their origins would be biologically inherent to our species or at least naturally reoccurring. In another 300 years, ideas such as post-colonialism will be obsolete.

Another key axiom in archaeological theory, applicable here, is that our practice and interpretation is conducted in the social milieu we inhabit. Culture is a subjective and cumulative activity that we all partake in. So, often in discourse while my subjectivity is pointed out (of which I am almost always aware), it is never acknowledged the other way around. I think the problem is, while I enjoy being challenged on my worldviews, most people do not, and I have only recently become aware of that fact. To foster “good” discussion, I believe the aim is to strive towards total objectivity, whilst also acknowledging that it does not exist. True objectivity can only, maybe, be attained with the death of the ego, devoid of individual perception. But regardless, that’s not my issue. The issue is as I have started to follow a pursuit of challenging my own worldview, I have formed an opinion which promotes a lack of one; I don’t believe a true perception exists and therefore cannot have an opinion. This works well if you are a Zelig, questioning people you just meet on their beliefs out of genuine curiosity and lacking any form of judgement. But this does not work when you interact with people who you know very well, and who interpret your lack of opinion for a staunch opposition of theirs. So, the question is then, am I willing to forego my own perceptions for the sake of following the people I love’s dogma? Hard to say, and I’ve dwelled on this a lot, but the short answer is no. To acquiesce is to ultimately hold the view that you agree with theirs. Because I have been in this situation before, a long, long time ago, and ultimately the decision to keep on doing what I was doing, which is being true to my own interests, was what helped me in the long run. If I do not believe in an objective right or wrong, then why would I go against that to believe in someone’s perceived right and wrong? To do so would not only be disingenuous, but also an act of self-hatred (insecurity). So, following that, is the preference to follow self-interest an indication of a lack of empathy? Also, ultimately, no. Because the definition of empathy for most is also subjective, but tends to be formed around the idea that we can understand, and often relate, to other’s suffering. I don’t think we can do that. At most, I think empathy can only ever be the ability to forgive, because that forms a basis on the individual rather than on external experiences.

There is a story of a young man on a boat who is about to die after getting injured in a rough fight. As he was dying, he hurriedly requested that all f his shipmates come to him, so that he could ask whether he had ever annoyed or insulted any of them. When they replied in the negative, he was greatly comforted. This story is interesting to me because it displays a truly absurd scene: to be so self-hating that you rely on external opinions to justify a virtuous and moral life. And then I think, what is the point in attaining a useless merit like virtue? Is the aim to be comfortable and to provide comfort to those around you? if it is, then why? I’d much rather enjoy my life, embrace my curiosity, try to understand my own discomfort, forgive others as I can, and not close myself off to the thousands of worldviews held besides mine. I think trying to strive for truth or meaning is somewhat boring, and almost a recursive task, so I would much rather continue on devoid and critical of strong dogmatic influences. For now, I have accepted that I have grown into the person I am today and that I will continue to change as I learn from self-study and from others. I will never favor stagnation over growth, and I do not believe that there are right or wrong ways to grow. Surely, in challenge to the truth, curiosity did not always kill the cat.

#mine #thoughts #philosophy #once again my late night pondering turns out to be much longer than intended #archeology #archaeology

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independentartistbuzz · 3 years

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7 FROM THE WOMEN: RED FLOWER LAKE

Red Flower Lake is lush, heady electro-pop. Aloe vera for our dried-out hearts. Sweeping melodies and understated yet complex soundscapes. These songs are open doors to a relationship: two people who know each other about as well as two humans can, singing to the other, about each other, offering a brave and heartfelt depiction of the territories they have survived and navigated together. It’s all here: intimacy and distance, heartbreak and ecstasy. Vulnerability, insecurity and courage.

1. What have you been working to promote lately?

It feels like I have been working on promoting a lot lately (internally and externally). Things like honesty, clear communication, empathy, patience, naming emotions, opening my heart, peace in my family, etc, etc.

But that’s not quite what we are talking about. ;)

I have been working alongside my husband to promote our EP Three Truths as well as an exhibit of our multi-media work at the Torosiete museum of contemporary art - a virtual museum unlike any other. Our exhibit just opened at the end of October and will be open for all of time - as long as there is internet.

Our EP Three Truths consists of three songs, Heart is Breaking, Baby Don’t Go, and Brave. The first two were written when we had super young kids (about 8 years ago).

When we were first considering releasing some songs this past May, we weren’t sure which songs to begin with. We were pretty tired of Heart is Breaking and Baby Don’t Go but also felt like they were worth something, belonged together, and like they might be the beginning of a story. We figured we would see what mixing one of them would do and take it from there. We sent out Baby Don’t Go and after trying a couple different mixers, we landed on Mike Pepe through a family friend named Kelly Musgrave at Linear Management. He did his thing and we actually got inspired enough to completely redo the vocals which was pretty satisfying. I had started voice lessons several months earlier and felt like I had more to offer the song. Once the energy was back in Baby Don’t Go it was pretty exciting to see what some mixing would do to Heart is Breaking. Deciding to release those particular songs really felt like the end of a pretty challenging time. It has been nice to have them out in the world where people might be able to relate to them giving voice to an experience that is painful but also real. I don’t know how many emotions we get away with leaving unturned but I appreciate a song that can help me reflect on a feeling.

Heart is Breaking was the kind of song that was so of a moment, it didn’t feel worth it to try and enunciate the words better or change what I was unsatisfied with after hearing it mixed. I am curious whether that choice will actually impact my satisfaction long term but, so far, I have found it both surprising and amusing that putting something out into the world that is a little bit vocally unfinished doesn’t bother me at all.

As for Abel’s vocals though, they are straight from the heart. They are also his original vocals. I remember when I first heard them I felt a lot less significant as part of our musical duo. He just put it all out there and it sounds so good. Heart is Breaking speaks to the experience of wanting love even though it seems to always end in heart break. An experience that, as a young parent, felt very prevalent.

Brave to me is all in the title. My setup is such that if I want to play around on the keyboard with a feeling I’m having, I still need to pull up ProTools and title the session - even though I don’t know what I am going to play which is the case a lot. Often when I am sitting down to play music, it is to explore something in my mind and on my heart and in this case I wanted to be brave about that exploration so I titled the song Brave. Brave is about sticking around and being present to see what is true even if it is scary.

All of the songs I write are deeply personal. In the past, it has sometimes surprised me that Abel would even touch the material, considering how blatant it is but I’ve learned that I’m not the only one in the relationship that sometimes feels paradoxical and complex feelings.

Having made music together for such a long time now without releasing any of it, we are both really excited to share more of the story and more of our music. It feels like an epic tale that is still revealing itself in real time. Three Truths feels like the beginning of a bigger message - this first message being “Damn this is hard but relationship is sort of like that sometimes”.

2. Please tell us about your favorite song written, recorded or produced by another woman and why it’s meaningful to you.

Sade’s Smooth Operator. There are a lot of songs and a lot of reasons why to pick them but this one pulls me right back to a time in my life when not a lot of things were easy but at that moment, the house was warm, the whole family seemed happy and there was an abundance of food. I was maybe 5, my family was living with my great aunt and her daughters who were at least ten years older than us. We were all still getting used to living together and my family was still getting used to living in Va after moving from New Mexico. When Smooth Operator came into my awareness, it was the day after Thanksgiving and there was a bounty of leftover mashed potatoes, peas and onions in cream sauce, and stuffing that needed to be eaten. While we formed those leftovers into little balls and baked them, we were introduced to that song. I think we may have listened to the whole album a couple times through but we named our food creation after Smooth Operator and it is one of the special happy memories I have from an amazing but also pretty heavy childhood. Throughout my childhood from then on, Sade was a voice I leaned into. I remember one night my twin sister and I lay down in the dark of her empty room in middle school and listened in consecutive order through Diamond Life, Promise, Stronger Than Pride, and Love Deluxe on our tape player to the light of a big moon. One of my all time favorite nights.

Smooth Operator felt like a warning. Like watch out girls, they’re everywhere. The first song of their first album. Her voice was always my reference. I wanted my voice to sound like hers. I wanted to make songs like hers - with a point, with heart, and with a voice you want to listen to. Smooth Operator is our family anthem, made so by a moment we all recall fondly - an odd anthem perhaps but my family is as odd and as amazing as they get.

3. What does it mean to you to be a woman making music / in the music business today and do you feel a responsibility to other women to create messages and themes in your music?

Having an opportunity to use my voice as a woman at this time feels very special and important and I hope that I am doing my part in honoring the power of the feminine, and the important work of keeping it real in all my relationships at all levels.

I work to be authentic and express as clearly from my heart as I can. Making music - making art, is a way for me to connect with my emotions, my inner wisdom, a way to express those feelings, ultimately it is a way to communicate something that means something to me. I recognize that this is a potentially self indulgent process and I pray that my purpose of honoring the human experience and reminding us of our power is conveying.

It is important for me to be super honest because there are so many feelings I have felt ashamed of and wouldn’t even admit to in the past that I am now realizing are actually just part of a human experience. Honoring and expressing my truth thus far has been a thousand times more empowering than the results have been of hiding from my truth as a result of believing I should be ashamed of my feelings and for believing in my worth - what I know is true in my heart. Denial of my truth has wreaked havoc in my life and it isn’t worth another moment of time to feed or encourage such disempowering paradigms.

I recognize that we all have a lot to heal from and a lot of healing work to do individually and collectively. I think a large part of that healing work is around being brave enough to honor our feelings, identifying their source, and getting empowered to speak/know/honor our truth - a truth that is both unique and valid.

Perhaps if we are able to honor ourselves in this way, we will be able to hear each others’ truths with compassion, recognizing ourselves in each other's struggles.

A big step for me in my healing journey has been accepting and being willing to hear and honor my own truth. No more wars - internal or external. When I am not fighting myself, I am one less person who is fighting themselves and that is extremely motivating. I think all of my fighting ultimately comes from internal conflicts so I might as well start with that and find some way to work that stuff out. I have been working on not making other people the bad guy but, if I see ‘bad guy’ out there in the world, to note that I see a reflection of parts of myself I still am in a healing process with.

I am not sure what the depths of our world’s healing will entail but I know my responsibility is to my own healing and it is empowering to own that responsibility. I pray we all honor ourselves like the magnificent and unique creations we are and honor ourselves like we are somebody’s child who adores us. Even if we can argue that our parents did not or do not love us, there is still and always will be immense love for each of us in the vast universe and from our mama earth. We are worthy of our best life. In fact. I think it is the only sustainable future.

My responsibility is to honor and stay true to my truth.

4. What is the most personal thing you have shared in your music or in your artist brand as it relates to being female?

All of the songs I write are extremely personal and expose my deep internal struggles. But I am okay with being a voice and a sound. Being an image has not been easy. Learning to embrace my face, my body, my movement, my inner style, etc, feels much more exposing and personally challenging. The entire world of what is sexy, what is beautiful, what is inspiring, what is useful, etc. has been out of reach for me since forever. I find that the more I turn toward my spiritual truth, my spiritual purpose, toward awe and gratitude for the children in my life, the more permission I have and the more energy I have for exposing my physical person on a true and personal level. What feels beautiful, what feels empowering, what feels good and right?

I have in the past, been absolutely disempowered around beauty and sex that I feel like only now am I getting access to any answers internally about what is beautiful, empowering and what feels good for me. I am a mother and it is important to me that the children in my life have examples of real women and men in their lives who are empowered and strong and honest- not because of our physical form but because of our clarity in purpose and our open hearts.

I know the sexiest thing a person can do in my heart/ mind is their inner work, get straight with themselves about what they are doing here and live and breathe their purpose.

On the level of the eye, I think playing with what my spiritual guides have to say to me at any given moment feels the most appropriate and fun. I’d rather be in a conversation with them about physical expression than with old paradigms of sex appeal and survival on this physical plain.

5. What female artists have inspired you and influenced you?

Oh my goodness, So many. I really believe that the unapologetic art of all women throughout time has molded me as part of the collective creative conscience. Art begets art.

I come from a family of bohemian artists and I would be remiss in not honoring them particularly and their absolute influence in my life. Their authentic expressions have absolutely shaped and inspired me and I am so grateful to each of my family members for their conscious participation in living their best lives.

My highschool teacher and friend Zap McConnel reinforced and added to what my family already inspires in me. She was my first real mentor and example outside of my family in living a life of integrity and breaking the molds of our boxed beliefs.

And Beatrice Ost. She has been part of my family for a long time but it really wasn’t until her grandchildren connected with our kids that we became better acquainted and, just as kids tend to do, through our children we have been led into a most beautiful and inspiring relationship of collaboration and inspiration. We wouldn’t be where we are now without her and really everyone in the world. The ripples are real.

6. Do you consider yourself a feminist? If so why and if not why?

I consider myself a feminist because I believe in the unique and essential wisdom of the feminine and its absolute importance in the balance of life. I could also consider myself a divine masculinist but that movement is really in conjunction with the healing of the divine feminine. It is for all of us to heal from this woundedness - not just women.

There is no denying that women have been oppressed for millenia - longer than any other human group except children - and it feels important to me to keep raising the collective awareness to the long lasting effects of oppression that continue to weigh on the lives of everyone. If mama is oppressed, everyone is oppressed because if mama is oppressed she does not have the power she needs to stand up for what she knows in the depths of her heart - to care for the hearts of her family and that kind of pain and injury is passed down a long way.

I have been considering the narrative of our media history around witches - how they have been conveyed so terribly in our social history. I am interested in those stories from the witches’ perspectives. I’d love to hear the backstory of Ursula the deep sea witch in The Little Mermaid. It seems to me that she may have wanted to say something to someone… An easily identifiable sentiment for most human beings at this point. There can be no more pretending how much we have all suffered because of fear and domination. I don’t think we need to gender specify suffering generally but just like with race, it is true that there are some significant stereo types that have been disempowering for a long time.

We are still living in the antiquated world of shame about menstrual cycles for God’s sake! It’s bonkers. I can attest that this particular gift has felt like a burden in this worn out world of 9-5 schedules and limited sick days and - if any - and our basic needs for survival are not cared for enough so that we don't even know this immense gift as an honor. But as we each recognize our person as an immense gift and when we honor ourselves and each other as such, we change the world.

I am a feminist and a masculinist because I strongly believe that each of us as individuals needs to feel empowered as part of something larger than just our individual egos. Each of us is essential and honoring our unique gifts will and does heal our world in deep and profound ways. Each of us knows something, has a purpose here that needs to be respected by everyone. Men and women both would benefit from honoring the feminine in all that is and vice versa. It is a balance and as long as the balance is off there will be a need for feminism. And just as much there is a need for honoring the divine masculine. It truly is a matter of balance - one that needs support internally and externally as individuals and as a collective.

7. What was the most challenging thing you have had to face as a female Artist?

The most challenging thing I have had to face as a creative being is myself. My own pride and jealousy, self doubt, and a need for external approval have kept me from taking risks, whether it is going into action or taking a nap. Everything I did or didn’t do was based on what I thought somebody else might think which gave me very little room for actual self expression. Giving myself permission to exist independently of other people’s approval and trusting the creative flow has been a matter of challenging oppressive systems - both external and the ones and the ones in my head that I have defended as part of a fear based world. As I continue to grow wiser and my body becomes more of an ally for my heart rather than a sculpture project, I find myself in battle with old paradigms around self image.

It is an interesting time to be alive and I have lots of hope for us as a collective as I continue to break my own belief systems because if I can do it, it can be done. Breaking out of old and limiting beliefs, considering new paradigms, recognizing my inner/outer calling and prioritizing that calling beyond all else has been liberating and empowering. My dream is that all our dreams come true. I know my heart is based in love and that all the struggle has been for learning. This knowledge has helped me come to terms with trauma but I would say I think oppression is systemic and the more we can break free of our own excuses and reasoning to defend oppressive systems, the more swiftly and easily we will transition to a new world. I am more than happy to be inviting in a paradigm of inclusivity, kindness, inquiry, compassion, and honesty. An undeniable breath of fresh air from so many oppressive paradigms past and present.

Listen to “Three Truths”

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kali-tmblr · 5 years

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The Opposites: Contrasts in the Lives of Jaune and Oscar

There are those who wish Oscar had never been introduced and that Ozpin had moved into Jaune's mind instead. Children, please. While Jaune is going to be a great leader in the end, he would last maybe five seconds under the burden of the Oz collective before his mind crumbled from panic caused by self-doubt. He's got both the wrong psychological profile and the wrong literary profile for that particular fate.

Let's deal with the psychology first. Every mind (I say "mind" in this case instead of "person" because the process is largely subconscious) has to decide where to place their trust. Do they trust their inner self? The outside world? Both? Or neither? That choice causes some profound differences down the line.

Jaune doesn't trust himself, but instead places his trust in the outside world. He is quick to think that he isn't good enough and to accept other people's assessment of him, both negative (Cardin) and positive (Pyrrha). He is quick to form external connections, while his own self-confidence grows with a glacial slowness. When we first meet him he is also prey to adopting false images of what he should and should not be, even when those images are nonsensical. In the beginning he frequently feels inadequate, and goes to great lengths to hide those feelings of inadequacy.

Oscar trusts himself, but is skeptical about the outside world. He doesn't question that he is good enough to do the extraordinary task he has been given, instead he questions the extraordinary sacrifice he will have to make in order to do it. Will the deed be worth the price he must pay? He takes his time in forming opinions about the outside world, even when that "outside world" includes a voice literally inside his own head, and frequently complains that the world doesn't make sense. He freely admits when he feels scared, weak, and helpless; and asks others for tips on how to deal with those feelings of inadequacy.

These internal differences cause some very big behavioral differences. Jaune initially rejects lessons from Pyrrha because it conflicts with the false image of himself that he put up to conceal his feelings of inadequacy, while Oscar doesn't have a problem with accepting lessons from others. Jaune knows that he's not ready to be the great hero when we first meet him, and broods over being "the loveable idiot stuck in the tree". Oscar knows that he's not ready to be the great hero when we first meet him, accepts it, and finds what he can do right now. Instead of brooding he carries messages, lights fires, and cooks meals. Stick him up somewhere high and he becomes the team spotter.

In regard to the Oz collective, Jaune's inner feelings of uncertainty would have overwhelmed him when confronted with another presence inside his own head. His mind would have broken, and while Oz would have had free use of his body, that wasn't what the God of Light wanted from this particular arrangement. He wanted Oz to have a partner, to "never be alone". Oscar's self-confidence means he is able to accommodate having another being inside his head without his ego crumbling, and if necessary to stand up to Oz inside his mind the same way he stood up to Hazel at Haven.

(As for the question of whose mind is going to absorb whom, I posted a three-part essay on why I think Ozpin wants Oscar's mind to absorb the Oz collective, and is actively working towards that end.)

But we don't have to use fancy psychological terms. The difference between the two young men can also be summed up in literary terms. They fit two different definitions of the term "hero". Jaune is a hero in the Modern mold, while Oscar is a hero in the Classical mold of the Greeks and Romans.

As a Modern hero Jaune has to overcome self-doubt to accomplish his goal. As a Classical hero Oscar must wrestle with his Fate. There's a big difference between the two. A Modern hero is like the character in a modern video game. You work hard, fail, learn, win, and probably get the girl. A Classical hero is like the character in a primitive 1970s era videogame. Surviving isn't an option. You are not getting out of here alive. Your Fate is foretold, your death is known the moment you step on the battlefield. All that matters is how high a score you leave on the leaderboard. But when that score goes up, you will still be dead, and you have to accept that fact.

Jaune would not have been able to accept the eventual dissolution or at least radical reconstruction of his mind required of the heir to the Oz collective, but Jaune is instead willing to sacrifice his life for others. "If I die buying them time, then it's worth it. They're the ones that matter." Oscar is willing to accept the potential literal sacrifice of his self as long as it serves a Higher Purpose. "These past few days, I've been scared of the same things you were. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be... me. But I did some thinking, and I do know that I want to do everything I can to help with whatever time I have left." Jaune's great fear is that he won't be good enough to save others. Oscar's great fear is that his inevitable sacrifice will serve no purpose. "We signed up to save the world, not just delay the inevitable."

In terms of other characters in the show, Jaune is most like Weiss and Oscar is most like Ruby. Both Jaune and Weiss start out with massive insecurity problems hidden behind false selves. Like Qrow and Winter, the psychological journey Jaune and Weiss must make is remarkably similar in spite of the fact that they started on opposite sides of the social ladder (I'll post separately on them later), and one of the great ironies of the show is going to be how they were so caught up in projecting false images of themselves at first that they took forever to realize this fact. Likewise, both Oscar and Ruby share a rural background and an easy acceptance of the idea of sacrificing themselves to serve a Higher Purpose.

At the end of their growth, if they're still alive and nothing has gone spectacularly wrong, Jaune is going to be a mountain, both physically and in terms of his self-image. His slowly accumulated, hard-won self-confidence is going to be as solid as basalt. That steady sense of self and ability to figure out how to win the battle in front of him will make him an empathetic leader who is revered by his troops. Meanwhile Oscar will be looking at the big picture and figuring out how to win the war. Together they will make a formidable opponent few would want to take on.

#rwby #rwby thoughts #rwby theories #rwby theory #oscar pine #jaune arc

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81scorp · 4 years

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My thoughts on Tangled

(Originally posted as an editorial on Deviantart Nov 17, 2015.)

In my "More thoughts on Frozen" editorial I wrote: "I like Frozen. Though not as much as I like Tangled."So let`s talk about Tangled.

And at last I see the SPOILERS

I didn`t have high expectations about this movie. Based on what I saw from the trailer it seemed to be not much more than a silly romp with lots of slapstick, kinda like The Emperor`s new groove. I wasn`t really interested in watching it until I saw a trailer with the scene where Flynn and Rapunzel sits in a boat and release lanterns into the sky. I thought to myself: "I think I`ll give it a watch."

Then there`s the name. It was originally gonna be called Rapunzel, but the big suits at Disney changed it. It has been theorized that they did it because The Princess and the Frog, while not unsuccessful at the box office, was not as successful as they had hoped, and they were afraid that boys wouldn`t see a movie with the word "Princess" or anything feminine in the title. I think it was a very insecure move from Disney, it`s like changing "The Little Mermaid" to "Beached". If they had kept the name "Rapunzel" and marketed it the way they did, with the trailers focusing on The Emperor`s new groove-like slapstick while playing Pink`s "Trouble", I and (I`d like to think that others, as well) would still have gone to see it. You might want to argue and say that the name change was justified because they changed the story from the original fairytale. They changed the story of The Little Mermaid and The Hunchback of Notredam too but still kept the name of the original.But what`s in a name? Surely, an animated Disney movie about a girl with insanely long hair and the thief that act as her guide by any other name would still be as sweet. Insecure name changing aside, the rest of the movie could still be good.

My Brother and I went to see it in the cinema...IN 3D!!!

A few minutes into the movie we got something I wasn`t prepared for: A musical number... in an animated Disney movie. At first my reaction was "What?" But a part of me said "Yeah, and? What`s so odd about a musical number in an animated Disney movie? You walked into The Princess and the Frog fully aware that there was gonna be singing and liked it. You`re just a little surprised because you never saw any clips or trailers that indicated that it was gonna be a musical. Now shut up and enjoy this Disney musical damnit!"

But putting that aside, "When will my life begin" is not a great song to open with. It is VERY upbeat, modern and pop-ish, which, considering the 18th century world it takes place in, makes it feel very anachronistic.I liked it a little more after repeated viewings though, so it`s a bit of an aquired taste.A part of it that I did like (without repeated viewings) was the last part that begins with "Tomorrow night the lights will appear, just like they do on my birthday each year". This part of the song felt like Rapunzel`s more vulnerable side, like her true face under the mask of cheerfulness that we heard in the first parts. The chores and hobbies that she sings about (like puzzles and darts and baking) are what she does to kill time and the boredom of isolation. In hindsight, the title alone: "When will my life begin" pretty much verifies that.It`s not a bad song by itself, just maybe not the best song to open this movie with.You might wonder "Isn`t `Healing incantation` technically the first song of the movie and why did it take you till `When will my life begin`to realize it was a musical?"

Well, "Healing incantation" was the first song, yes. But unlike "When will my life begin" it`s diegetic, they could still sing it even if this movie wasn`t a musical. Diegetic music comes from a person or object in the scene (like a radio or musical performer), while non-diegetic music is external to the narrative. In Rocky II when Rocky runs down the streets of Philadelphia and the song "Gonna fly now" is playing, we can hear the music but Rocky can`t, it`s non-diegetic.

"Mother knows best" sounded better though, it felt more fitted for a musical. I like that she both figuratively and literally tries to keep Rapunzel in the dark in the musical number. James Berardinelli from ReelViews commented on his website that "the songs were neither catchy nor memorable". I don`t completely agree with him. Sure, a few hours after I left the cinema I didn´t remember most of the songs, but I did remember the chorus to "Mother knows best". Many like to compare Mother Gothel to Cher and I can`t say that I don`t see why. But to me she reminds me more of Edina from Absolutely Fabulous. Both call their daughter "darling", are selfish and one of the worst days in Edina`s life... was the day she turned 30! Another popular comparison is the one between her and Claude Frollo from the Disney version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Both keep a ward locked up in a tall building and tell them that the world is a horrible place. In a way Claude Frollo is the worse villain because he has more authority, he has power over the guards and by that, some level of control over the city. While similar, there are some small differences in their, for lack of a better word, "parenting skills". Frollo`s are more about being stern and controlling Quasimodo with a respect based on fear, while Mother Gothel is more about emotional manipulation and sending mixed messages. She gives Rapunzel subtle insults one minute only to add a little "just kidding, you know I love you" the next. On a large scale Frollo is the worst, while on a smaller, personal level Mother Gothel is the worst. There is a little bit of tenderness in her cruelty. One thing that bugs me is the glorification and romanticism of the age of 16. Appearently that`s the best age to be, that`s when everything great and magical happens. I thought to myself when watching Tangled: "Please don`t make her 16. Make her some other age or just don`t mention it." Rapunzel`s age was 17 and the next day she was gonna turn 18. I thought "Thank you Disney! Thank you for avoiding this clichè and overrated age". In a way it turns it into a metaphor for growing up, becoming independent and leaving the nest. Yes, she is technically still underaged at first, but it is she that is in charge and Flynn doesn`t try anything romantic on her until after she turns 18. But most important of all: she`s not 16.

I liked the reprise of "When will my life begin" better than the first version because, like "Mother knows best" the music and instruments in it felt more fitting for a musical. That moment before she puts her foot on her grass you could see in her eyes that it may have been a small step for man, but it was a giant leap for Rapunzel.

Which was then followed by the emotional rollercoaster known as "The bi-polar scene". In her book "Making a good script great" Linda Seger wrote that conflict is the basis of drama, and this movie has a lot of conflict without feeling overcrowded. There`s Flynn VS the guards of Corona and Flynn VS the Stabbington brothers, both over which one gets the crown. There`s Rapunzel VS Mother Gothel, Rapunzel wants to leave her tower to see the rest of the world, or at least the floating lanterns, while Gothel wants to keep her in the tower.There`s also conflict that adds comedy. There`s Flynn VS Maximus, which is an extension of Flynn VS the guards, but funnier. Flynn VS Rapunzel, Rapunzel needs Flynn as her bodyguard/guide through the dangerous outside world, so she hides his satchel and uses it as leverage. Flynn just wants the crown so he can sell it and get stinking rich, so he tries to manipulate and scare Rapunzel into giving up her journey to see the lanterns. Then there`s Rapunzel VS herself. While happy that she is seeing the world she also feels guilty over disobeying her mother, which leads to the inner conflict seen in the previously mentioned "bi-polar scene".

Maximus the horse, who I mentioned earlier is a great character and a great source of comedy. He`s like Officer Zenigata from Lupin III. Pascal adds a little comedy too but doesn`t contribute as much to the story as Maximus. My guess is that he was created for the same reason that Robin was created for Batman. The creators thought that it would be better if Batman had someone to talk and explain things to so he wouldn`t seem like a complete nutjob that talks to himself. I don`t have much to say about "I`ve got a dream", it`s a fun, likeable song one would usually expect the comical side-characters to sing. Is it just me or doesn`t the chorus borrow a little from "She`ll be coming round the mountain"?

"She'll be coming round the mountain, she'll be coming round the mountain, she'll be coming round the mountain when she comes"

"Though I do like breaking femurs, you can count me with the dreamers. Like everybody else, I've got a dream."

(Sure, the melody isn`t identical but the structure is somewhat similar.)

Flynn refusing to sing (at first) is not exactly new for a Disney musical, it had already been done in Enchanted. However this was (to my knowledge) the first time it was done in the Disney animated canon and it was done much funnier.

The scene where Rapunzel and Flynn...

Flynn: Eugene.

What?

Flynn: Eugene Fitzherbert.

OK. where Rapunzel and...Eugene

are trapped in a cave that`s filling up with water is similar to the trash-compactor scene in Star wars: It`s the dark moment, the part of the movie where it seems like there is no way out and all hope is lost. I like this scene, not just because of the suspense but also because it is where they open up to and start getting to know each other. But because this not just a big-budget movie but a Disney movie, and no director wants to depress the audience (unless you`re Lars von Trier), we know that they`re gonna make it, we just don`t know how. In the campfire scene we get more time for character development. We already know Rapunzel`s backstory but this is the first time that Fly-... Eugene gets to hear it. We (and Rapunzel) also find out that Eugene was an orphan who took his name from a fictional character who was everything he wanted to be. Rapunzel`s inner conflict shows up here too, but this time with a downplayed, more serious tone and not comically exaggerated.

Eugene: And you`re still gonna go back?

Rapunzel: No! Yes. (covers her face) It`s complicated. I`m probably alone in this but to me Eugene`s name change feels like a reflection of the movie`s name change. Eugene changed his name to Flynn Rider because he thought it would sound cooler, like how the big suits at Disney changed the movie`s name from Rapunzel because they thought it would sound cooler.

Rapunzel: For the record, I like Eugene Fitzherbert much better than Flynn Rider. Not much to say about the reprise of Mother knows best except that we get to see the more Frollo-ish side of Gothel. Since the tenderness doesn`t work she now tries to make Rapunzel respect her through fear. I love the Kingdom dance scene. It`s like that scene from The Little Mermaid when Ariel visits the town with Eric and for the first time gets to experience the world of humans. It`s a great example of visual storytelling, no dialogue is used or needed. Just like Ariel, Rapunzel gets to geek out and and explore this new world, try new things, new kinds of food and immerse herself in new books. I love the music in this scene. It has a nice medieval-ish feel to it, the kind of music you`d expect to hear in this world and time. Another interesting touch is that it starts out joyful but there`s a small ominous tone that grows bigger and louder as the music plays, as if forshadowing an impening doom.

This is followed by another really good scene: Rapunzel`s parents, another great example of visual storytelling where no dialogue is needed, the animation says it all.

Movie critic and comedian Doug Walker said in his review of this movie that the voice acting on Rapunzel and Eugene could have been better, not that the actors did a poor job, he was just always aware that there was a person behind a microphone. Personally I had no problem with Rapunzel`s and Eugene`s voice. Mandy Moore did a great job voicing Aerith in the first Kingdom Hearts game and I didn`t even know (at the time) it was her. I was aware that it was her before watching the movie, but while watching it I had no problem separating the voice from the celebrity and enjoying the movie. I didn`t even know who voiced Eugene, I looked it up and found that it was Zachary Levi, Chuck Bartowski from Chuck. He did his own singing too, I didn`t know he could sing. Is there anything that intersect can`t do?

I mention Doug Walker because what he felt about the original voice actors is what I felt about about the actors in the swedish-dubbed version. Måns Zelmerlöw (Eugene Fitzherbert) and Molly Sandèn (Rapunzel) were not bad, I just didn`t feel as invested with them as I was with the original version. Moore and Levi both have acting experience and their voices had a certain maturity. Sandèn and Zelmerlöw are both younger, singers and hasn`t had as much acting experience as Moore and Levi. (Sandèn`s experience in dubbing is, so far, limited to two Highschool Musical movies where she dubbed the songs.) The parts where they sing sound great though. Now, with that out of the way...I like "I see the light", don`t have much to say about it though, but more to say about the scene where it is sung. It is beautifully animated and directed. Eugene having prepared the two lanterns, one for each of them, shows that he is willing to go that little extra length for someone else, something the old Eugene (or Flynn) would not have done so easily, if at all. Another nice little detail in this scene is that the lantern that is about to sink into the water that Rapunzel pushes back up into the sky is her parents lantern.

How Maximus managed to get help from the Snugly Duckling thugs is not hard to imagine. Most likely scenario: He ran to the pub with one of Eugene`s wanted posters in his mouth and waved it in front of their faces.

Thug: What is it horse? Is the guy with the big freaky nose and his longhaired girlfriend in danger?

Maximus would nod and the thugs would huddle and start planning Eugene`s escape.

Is it a stretch that Rapunzel can remember things from when she was just a few days old? Maybe convenient but not unbelievable, Rapunzel was born under special circumstances after all. If she has healing hair why can`t she also have a super-memory and (from what I`ve read on the Disney wikia) super-strength? Seriously, she carries around a large amount of hair that no ordinary human would be able to carry as easily as she does. "But how was Gothel able to overpower her?"

one might wonder. I have a few theories.

A: Maybe she isn`t superstrong, maybe her hair is just very, very light.

B: She has some form of psychosomatic mental block that prevents her from overpowering Gothel.

C: Gothel, who managed to beat both the of Stabbington brothers, is really really good at fighting dirty. Wouldn`t surprise me if she used Rapunzel`s long hair to her advantage. Near the end of the movie Eugene dies but is brought back to life by a tear from Rapunzel. Typical Disney death, yes, but it makes sense, more sense than the original fairytale. In the original fairytale the prince got pushed out of the tower by Dame Gothel and landed in thorns below that damaged his eyes and blinded him. He later met Rapunzel who`s tears restored his sight. Unlike the movie it was never (to my knowledge at least) established before that moment that she had any form of healing powers, it just happened because of fairytale logic.So, does Rapunzel have healing tears now or was all her healing powers used up in that one tear? Don`t know, guess we`ll have to wait and see. I`m fine either way.The final scene where the kingdom celebrates Rapunzel`s return is... not bad or unnecessary, it`s just not as good as the previous scene where Rapunzel is reunited with her parents. It`s as if the filmmakers were afraid that their happy ending wasn`t happy enough. It`s the part where all the Snugly Duckling thugs had their dreams come true, for me it would have been enough to see them just partake in the festivities since we only heard them talk (or rather, sing) about their dreams but we never saw them struggle for them. Then again, not seeing them reach their goals that they sang about would feel like an unused chekov`s gun. I think the part with the Snugly Duckling thugs would have worked better without Eugene`s narration confirming that they all got exactly what they wanted, but I`m probably nitpicking here. Even if it was a typical Disney "Look! Everybody gets a happy ending!"-ending it was short and wasn`t bad.

And who doesn`t like a drunken, flirting dwarf in a diaper?

Sure, it has a few flaws but it`s one of my favourite movies.

That`s all I have for now but I`m not done yet. More thoughts on Tangled coming later. I thought that all of my thoughts on Tangled might be a little much to read if put into one editorial, so I decided to divide it into two.

#tangled #editorial #81scorp

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ettadunham · 5 years

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A Buffy rewatch 4x19 New Moon Rising

aka can’t fight the toxic possessive masculinity

Welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and go on an impromptu rant about it for an hour. Is it about one hyperspecific thing or twenty observations? 10 or 3k words? You don’t know! I don’t know!!! In this house we don’t know things.

And today’s episode puts a scale to bad coming out reactions from the classic 30 second gay panic to literally becoming a monster and attacking your ex’s new girlfriend.

I consider New Moon Rising a lowkey controversial episode, as I’ve seen it listed among people’s favorites and least favorites alike. But then again, probably every episode of Buffy is someone’s favorite and least favorite so that may not be saying much.

One of the things that get people a bit cranky about this particular one, is that this is Oz’s farewell episode, and it’s… not necessarily a super nice exit. For one, it feels almost like the show dragged him back for a lesser fanfare after Wild At Heart, which was a much stronger episode and goodbye to his character.

I’m of two or three minds about this a bit. On one hand, New Moon Rising is definitely inferior to Wild At Heart as an Oz exit episode. It doesn’t explore his story nearly as much, the season arc is bogging it all down a lot, and I’m not nearly as emotionally gutted as I was by the end of his previous goodbye.

I can also see an argument here that this episode doesn’t really represent the best of Oz either, but… That is kind of the point in my opinion. Ever since Oz became a werewolf, we’ve been playing around the theme of how toxic masculinity turns all men into monsters in all of his episodes. However, as much as Oz himself is a manifestation of even the kindest nicest gentlest guy becoming a monster every once in a while, that idea never really landed with him.

Oz was never able to control his transformation, and he was almost completely separate from the wolf for most of the series. It’s only in Wild At Heart that we truly started playing with the idea that the wolf was always inside of him.

However, that episode took a bit of a different approach too. The wolf was a manifestation of Oz’s repressed desires, the ones that he tried to ignore and felt ashamed of. His unwillingness to acknowledge and deal with those is what led to his downfall.

Here, the wolf appears to be dormant… because it has a goal. To get Willow back. And the moment it realizes that it might not happen, that Willow moved on with Tara, the possessiveness and entitlement kicks in and it all falls apart.

This really is the first episode I believe that actually translates the metaphor of how the wolf represents those toxic masculine qualities in Oz, that they’ve been hitting us with since Phases. Nevertheless, I don’t think that this all has to reflect back negatively on Oz’s character, even if the themes are.

The episode - somewhat clumsily, but - makes it clear to us that it’s the negative stimulation that induces Oz’s transformation. And it’s completely understandable and human for Oz to feel pain around Willow, after realizing that she might not want to be with him anymore.

And yet thematically, because we attach the wolf’s aggression to that pain, it is now externalized and scary, and becomes about Oz’s entitlement and possessiveness of Willow. I’m not sure if that should be entirely detached from Oz too - the wolf is a part of him after all - so maybe the lesson learned here, is that we can’t always help the way that we feel. But we can choose how we act on it and move on.

Oz’s departure here is largely about that self-awareness. He‘s trying to make sure that he wouldn’t hurt Willow or Tara or anyone else, because you know what, he’s doing his best!!!

But then again… he’s also protecting himself. It’s too painful for him to be around Willow, and he can’t just be friends again. Which creates a nice contrast to Tara for us.

When Willow appears to be conflicted during the episode, Tara tells her that she’d still be her friend, even if she chose Oz over her. Because Tara is the best and nicest human and she just wants what’s best for Willow and her to be in her life!!!

That’s love, bitch. You hear that, Spike? You don’t always have to be so goddamn dramatic.

And it would probably be super painful for Tara to be friends with Willow after that. Probably as painful as it is Oz. But she’d still be willing to try, because she doesn’t feel entitled to Willow’s love.

Again, I want to emphasize here that it’s the themes that make this such an aggressive contrast. For all we know, Oz, the character, would stay as a friend if it wasn’t for the heightened toxicity of the wolf. But alas… On this show, he’s unable to fully overcome his own male entitlement.

Then we got Buffy, who’s fighting her own fight to overcome her gay panic, once Willow comes out to her. And she does win by the end, but before that, we have one of the most awkward 30 seconds in the show’s history. During which Buffy’s obviously and painfully uncomfortable with the idea that her best friend likes girls.

Once Willow calls her out on it though, she manages to get over it almost immediately. She realizes that she’s being an idiot and her best friend needs her. So she shakes herself out of it and gives Willow her full support and attention. Which is important. Sometimes we can’t help how we react in the moment, but we can still choose how we move forward.

Nevertheless, those 30 seconds are certainly gonna come back to bite her in the ass later, when Spike is looking for an in to incite some conflict between the Scoobies. That’s why you should always support your local insecure gays and be vocal about it.

That’s it, that’s today’s lesson I guess.

#buffy rewatch 2k19 #btvs talk #btvs

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plagueamon · 5 years

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Code Geass MBTI Challenge Turn 9: Kyoshiro Tohdoh - ISTJ

With the exception of Anya and a few members of the Akito the Exiled cast, Kyoshiro Tohdoh is the character on our list with probably the least amount of information about his personal thoughts, views and experiences. With that in mind, I still think that the show gives us just enough of a glimpse into his personality in order to be able to type him accurately, to the point where I actually had to retype him a few times and overall was given more to think about than I originally expected. Before I start explaining this character’s functions, please keep in mind, that this post will contain heavy Code Geass spoilers, so consider yourselves warned. With that out of the way, let us analyse why Kyoshiro Tohdoh is an ISTJ.

Dominant Introverted Sensing/Si

Tohdoh’s Si is actually very comparable to Ohgi’s, because they value very similar things, but diverge in what further conclusions they do with those values based on their auxiliary and tertiary functions (this is coincidentally perhaps the best opportunity we will ever have to compare an ISFJ to an ISTJ). Much like Ohgi, Tohdoh largely bases his values around Japanese tradition, however he does not see them as something to be explored and shared with others (Ti and Fe), so mach as he uses it to dictate the rules he wants to see himself and his surrounding world world to develop in accordance with (Fi and Te). This sometimes makes him appear much more narrow-minded than he actually is, simply because he has a very specific idea of what he wants to achieve for Japan and for himself and is very determined to make it a reality. In truth he is actually very capable of applying this personal system of principles to others, which is what makes him a competent teacher and role model for Suzaku.

A common trait of dominant Si-users in fiction is that they can be both idealistic and practical in their mindset, with Si being tied to tangible evidence and facts by being a sensing function, while also being introverted and therefore highly subjective and personal to the user. Tohdoh himself embodies this balance quite well: we often see him talk in ways that are sentimental, with topics like honour and his hopes and fears for Japan’s distant future being brought up a lot, but, as Zero mentions during his prison break-in in R1, all of Tohdoh’s legendary success comes down to careful planning and intelligence work. In fact, it seems that Tohdoh himself understands this very well, as we never really see him refer to his work as “miracles” in a non-ironic manner, despite being seen as such by his followers. At his core Tohdoh still very much prefers to deal with factual details, planning out his operations and insisting on taking part in them personally, solidifying him as both a skilled and passionate tactician and leader, and, much like with Ohgi, this is the potential that Lelouch sees in him.

Auxiliary Extroverted Thinking/Te

As stated above, Tohdoh’s success as a leader mainly comes down to methodical and meticulous work combined with a fairly tactical mindset. His Te is certainly an important component of this, as we see him rely on it when he has to step out of his Si comfort zone. We see several examples of this happening when Tohdoh doesn’t see an obvious answer to a problem: his usual response is to trust in Zero’s judgement even if he has to blindly follow orders without a clear understanding of what his leader is planning. This demonstrates a healthy use of auxiliary Te, as it shows his willingness to abandon his immediate instinct to systematically observe the situation by himself (Si) when there is clearly no point in doing that, instead going with a more conventionally rational Te approach and trusting Lelouch because he has proven to be effective in the past. This is both supported and kept in check by his Fi, which gives him a degree of confidence in his judge of other people’s character as well as stops him from being a blindly devoted follower with no clear direction of his own. Compare this to Ohgi, who trusts others (Zero in this example) based on his perception of their sense of morality and trustworthiness (Fe), while his tertiary Ti balances this notion out by making him question his own judgement and thinking of the benefits of a given decision that is independent of ethical questions.

To put it in a somewhat simplified manner, Te is a form of generalist logic, developing a systematic “one size fits all” way of looking at a problem for the user, as they mature. The higher Te is in the functional stack, the more its logical system is complex and willing to account for exceptions, meaning that the kind of over-generalising behaviour that Te-users are often stereotyped for is much more commonly seen in unhealthy, immature or low (in terms of the stack) users. A much more healthy use of Te is comparatively rare in fiction or isn’t recognised nearly as often, however Tohdoh’s tactical ability and respect for authority provide good examples. Neither of the two are things he carries out blindly or out of principle, in fact he demonstrates a high degree of autonomy when deciding to trust his comrades and his superiors - instead these choices come from an understanding that this kind of trust the most reasonable course of action in most difficult situations.

As a soldier these qualities make Tohdoh outstanding.

Tertiary Introverted Feeling/Fi

Tohdoh’s Fi comes out in most of his unhealthier moments, meaning that he enters a Si-Fi loop. Whenever he finds himself in a difficult situation with no apparent solutions provided by his first two functions and nobody else to follow, Tohdoh is prone to giving up all hope and surrendering to his fate. The excuse he uses to justify this is also very evident of an unhealthy use of Fi: in his mind he chooses death to preserve his honour and deserves his fate for his personal failure. With Fi being a function that focuses on very personal values, this is an example of using it defensively instead of finding the inner strength to maintain hope and readiness for an opportunity to improve the situation. This almost causes him to reject a chance of freedom that Zero is basically handing to him in R1. It usually takes an external perspective (Te) such as Zero’s or that of his fellow Holy Swords pilots to “snap him out of” this internally focused state and show him that he can still find a reason to continue fighting without sacrificing his life and that his honour is not compromised by such a choice.

On a somewhat healthier note, Fi also puts an interesting spin on the direction of Tohdoh’s dominant function, giving him a firm belief that a person should keep true to their goals and principles no matter the cost. This is why his initial disappointment in Suzaku disappears to a large degree, when he learns that his former student’s life choices are in full accordance with the ideals he holds. While he still sees Suzaku as an enemy, Tohdoh develops a respect for his willingness to follow the path he chose despite being seen as a traitor to the Japanese by almost everyone and even encourages him to continue. While his Fi isn’t high enough in his stack to make relating to others necessarily easy, it does give him the ability to readily acknowledge that there are subjectively justifiable reasons behind everyone’s actions, no matter how different the person in question may be from himself.

Inferior Extroverted Intuition/Ne

Tohdoh does not get as much screen time or opportunities to speak as some of the other characters on our list, however because of his brutal honesty and overall being based on a fairly common fictional archetype, it isn’t very difficult to understand his fears and weaknesses as a human being. Dominant Si is a function rooted in personal experiences and principles (both moral and logical) that are very personal to the user and allow them to find a place for themselves in the world they inhabit. A common way for inferior Ne to oppose this is the fear of loss of one’s self and the personal principles that make us who we are. This makes Tohdoh reluctant to make decisions that contradicts his ideas about the kind of person he should be and the ways in which he should act. This kind of insecurity provides an understandable explanation for his Si-Fi loops: trying to avoid execution to him is similar to refusing punishment for his failure to liberate Japan, and that would go against his understanding of what he should stand for. This is why he only agrees to escape his prison when offered a chance of redemption.

On a more general scale, inferior Fi makes it hard for Tohdoh to truly understand other people’s motivations and plans when he doesn’t see the evidence leading up to them. Given that Lelouch is Ni-dominant and hence much more willing to rely on theoretical approximations and calculated risks rather than playing it safe and going with the facts, this tends to happen often and Tohdoh is often left having to trust in his leader’s competence without actually knowing what he is up to. Being mature and relatively healthy, however, Tohdoh does not tend to be bothered by this too much, recognising when his life is in capable hands instead of giving in to a fear of uncertainty, as unhealthy or immature Si-doms can often do.

However, please keep in mind that this is only my opinion on the matter and I will welcome any criticisms or alternative opinions to discuss them. If this article was interesting for you, stay prepared for next time, when I shall discuss the MBTI type of Diethard Ried.

#mbti #code geass #code geass mbti challenge #Kyoshiro #Kyoshiro Tohdoh #ISTJ #Si #Te #Fi #Ne #fictional characters

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