I will not lie I missed the shower at my parents house. I can text on my phone and it doesn’t get wet :)

My headcanon for Modern!Machete before he encounters (re-encounters?) Vasco is that he works in some high-powered but low-profile position for an influential and well-known multinational. Like a corporate lawyer or accountant for Apple or Volkswagon or Shell. He's very, very good at his job, his assistants and staff think he's a good boss, his boss thinks he's great, but half his colleagues can't stand him because they think he got promoted for sucking up to their boss instead of for his skills (it was for his skills). He's got exactly enough interpersonal skills to recognize the problem and not enough to fix it. He gets paid extremely well, well enough to mostly pretend that he's happy and fulfilled (he still ends up happier in the Modern!AU because his job only sucks a little instead of literally destroying him. Also because modern medicine means his medical situation is much better understood and controlled). Yes this is all just the modern equivalent to what canon!Machete's got going on but it's startling how much carries over with no changes.

Oh that's so well thought out actually, I love that.

I'd absolutely love to see a hearing disabilities herb guide!

I'm deaf in one ear, so now I'm curious if there are any cats in the rewrite like me? I imagine they might avoid Gatherings because HEARING IN CROWDS UGH.

I need to pick a bunch actually! At some point, I plan to just toss more sight, smell, and hearing disabilities onto the various cats. It should be SUPER common, actually.

Especially in RiverClan.

Like... when I get around to these, RiverClan is going to keep coming up as having a notably higher proportion of deafness and scentlessness. Rivers are filthy. Their ears and snouts are going to be dunked full of gunk ALL the time, they develop a ton of infections. I'm guesstimating that around 15% of RiverClan should have some degree of hearing and/or scent loss, especially as they get older.

Also; Clan cats should be protecting their noses like tools. The same way that you might get scolded for misusing gym equipment, mentors should be chiding their apprentices for doing things like;

Sticking their noses in mud or snow

Eating food that is too hot (damage to the Jacobson's organ)

Sniffing ripe puffballs or other spore-forming mushrooms

Hanging out in dusty dens or unclean, musty spaces (this one wouldn't actually do anything bad, just makes a good superstition.)

But anyway! That's SCENT loss, which should be a waaaaaay bigger disability for Clan cats, but in humans we just don't really take as seriously. In WC, blindness should not have the same weight and scentloss should be a lot heavier.

For hearing loss in one ear, so far, there's just Strikestone, who canonically can't hear out of one of his ears. I will be casually throwing this onto more cats.

what’s everyone’s autistic Least Favorite Stimuli. personally if i have to touch or hear someone’s fingers brush up against a projector screen ill implode on the spot into blood and viscera

That’s What You Get by Paramore came on in the car today. Great Song. Anyways did you guys know that that song came out in 2007 and the artist played Riot Fest once in 2017? What if I had a gun

my psychiatrist confirmed that i am in fact autistic

once again, not shifting related, but see, i have a lot of things that come along with autism and ADHD, and the like, but i’m still prettyyy damn sure i don’t have em, but also maaaybe, buuut alsooo i don’t knoooow. i have hyperfixations, special interests, the verbal shutdowns, shutdowns in general, meltdowns, also executive dysfunction, neurodivergent stimming (plus some that can pass as neurotypical stimming), and lots more that i can’t remember at the moment, cuz i haven’t eaten enough, OH YEAH AND SENSORY PROCESSING DISORDER, annnd auditory processing disorder, also internalized echolalia and just echolalia, possibly alexithymia, and have trouble with social cues and eye contact. plus food allergies which is also common/comorbid with autism. plus also i was what ya call the gifted kid and now i’m burnt out and even though my grades are always good when i actually hand something in, i constantly procrastinate and have basically given up on school altogether, cuz there’s no possible way for my mental health to be okay, for me to have relationships, for me to do things i like, and do well and be consistent in school all at the same time.

soooo, what am i? i relate to autistics and ADHDers A TON. buuuut i don’t think i am one of y’all. buuut what else can i possibly be? i have no idea. i am a mystery and i pretty sure i always will be.

the way he literally has autism co-morbid with borderline personality disorder

I DO NOT. HAVE TIME. FOR A NEW HYPERFIXATION. I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

"The artist formerly known as Warren Kepler" shut up, just SAY that you got a 120 on the autism masking questionnaire

Watching Lilo and Stitch now as a neurodivergent adult hits different now. Especially little things like her getting so upset about being unable to feed Pudge peanut butter, and not because he controls the weather and it was raining when her parents died, but because her normal routine was interrupted and made her late and she had a meltdown at the class.

I've seen myself in that exact situation a lot of times (well ok not EXACTLY but being late because of an important but unconsequential task and having a breakdown because of it)

All her little quirky behaviors that make it harder for her to socialize with people around her, her special interest in Elvis, etc.

Watching this movie again, now that I know myself better, it really hits different

me age seven being sat down in front of the school’s district child psych lady and being given strange, simple spatial puzzles to solve and then long, complicated worksheets and hammering my way through them at the speed of light while having zero comprehension what their purpose was or why i was here: this is urgent! i have to get a good grade in Weird Puzzles, Or Else, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,

honestly, dyspraxia would explain a lot. why i randomly fall and trip when there is literally nothing to fall or trip on. time blindness (that could just be the adhd, but you never know). why i hate driving with a burning passion and only do it because america is stupid about public transit. and also why autocorrect must save me and why i don't type with my thumbs and probably why my handwriting looks the way it does. and i can't catch things except when all the physics aligns and-- wait, did i have difficulty learning how to ride a bike? does this explain my dance issues?

was i just masking YET ANOTHER DISABILITY? HOW MANY DISABILITIES IN A TRENCH COAT AM I? AND HOW DID I NOT PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER UNTIL LITERALLY THIS WEEK?

and just so you don't beat me to it:

literally what is WRONG with my brother. why does he have so many wheels. my brother in blood this is not needed