#as a better fit to talk about something. or as someone worthy of being watched | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

uzumaki-rebellion · 1 year

Text

“Black Boys Bloom Thorns First: Volume 4, Chapter 61″

Need to catch up before Namor appears? Masterlist HERE.

youtube

"How much better can I show my love for you Than say "I do, I do, I do"? I do, I do, I do You may not know right where you're going, but I do, I do, I do And all the times you wasn't chosen, well, I'll make it up to you All of the feelings you're not showing When your river's overflowing, mmm It's the truth, swear to you I do, I do, I do, I do, I do"

Yebba – "Yebba's Heartbreak"

Shuri followed behind the new king and watched the gait in his walk. N'Jadaka had taken on a persona so dramatic and otherworldly that she had to question everything she knew about him from the first day she ever met him.

There was a light in him.

Something in the deepest part of him reflected a light so bright that everyone near him fluttered about trying to bathe in the warmth of the aural glow. Shuri was a woman of the mind. Science had taught her that the tangible was real, everything else was fantasy. Raised in a culture that believed in magic and mystical wisdom, she scoffed at all of that and concentrated on a reality that she could see with her own two eyes, touch with her own two hands… but the cousin walking across the bridge in front of her… she wondered if she had been wrong about denying the existence of Bast, Mama Wati*, Sekhmet and all the other deities. A human lived and then died. There was no afterlife.

Did Queen Shuriyah really talk to him?

People clung to the idea of an afterlife to give them comfort, especially if their lives were cruel and full of struggle. It was a construct that held off the fear of knowing there was nothing to look forward to except oblivion. Who wouldn't want to think there was a chance to live again in a better place without needless suffering? Heaven wasn't real. Hell was the torture that humans put themselves through on earth while they breathed above the earth. All of it was make-believe and when she became old and her body could no longer properly function, she would cease being alive and decompose like the plants and animals around them as part of an evolutionary cycle of beginnings and endings, over and over. No ancestral plane waited for her. However, King N'Jadaka brought forth a tiny smidgen of doubt in her mind that was the size of a grain of teff that made the muncu flat bread her people loved. Staying on top of the oldest mountain in Wakanda had transformed him and the change was startling in its visceral impact on all who came into contact with him.

Although her brother had cut quite a fitting vision of royalty while he sat on the throne, N'Jadaka enveloped the seat as if the grand chair had been shaped just for him and everyone else had been babysitting it until he arrived to take his rightful place. Even her own father didn't look as worthy sitting there compared to the new king.

Queen Shuriyah watched over her and was proud? Impossible. The hallucinogenic chemicals inside the heart-shaped herb had spun his neural pathways around. His synapses had invented a fiction, no different from someone having a lucid dream and thinking it was all real.

Shuri stared at General Okoye as she greeted the new king at the bridge entrance to the West Palace. Forthright and not easily swayed, Okoye was a great barometer to see if the awe N'Jadaka struck in everyone else was just… holy Bast!

Okoye's eyes darted down the second N'Jadaka glanced her way, and her lips parted slightly as if she had to catch more air than her nose could provide. The king had his general shaken! Royal drummers inside the West Palace thundered a new rhythm, signaling that the king had arrived. A grouping of children in ceremonial clothing and painted faces matching the color spectrum of purples and mauves sang to him. Sydette, Riki, and Joba giggled and were the only ones not affected by the change in their father. He was simply their Baba, and he kept them close to his side, occasionally touching a braid, tugging on a twisted loc, or patting a puffy bouquet of curls on their heads.

Disa seemed to have eased into a tentative comfort level with him, but it was Yani that drew Shuri's curiosity. The nervous energy she carried was clumsy and sweet. It was obvious to Shuri that there was something between Yani and N'Jadaka that wasn't present with Disa. Yani fluttered like a butterfly tempted by an extraordinary flower, but one that couldn't figure out how to land on it.

N'Jadaka wasted no time jumping into his kingship.

The moment he arrived back at the palace, he held a private meeting with Shuri and T'Challa. He didn't even bother changing from his white robes that smelled of strong incense and the heart-shaped herb. They debriefed him on the military team that inspected the Phase Two structure out at sea and investigated the underwater earthquakes. There was satellite evidence of American military and private research operations occurring in open international waters too close to their shielded territory. Naval sonar evidence had been captured and recorded. That information pleased N'Jadaka. He wanted to gather more evidence before the international delegates came to Wakanda. There were plans to go to the U.N. and make his presence known as the new leader of the free world under Wakanda's watch.

"What do you think they are looking for out there?" Shuri asked.

"Vibranium. They will try to infiltrate this country inside and out. Staying in international waters will only protect them for so long in their search. The tactical gear I've seen, and the vessels used, point to the Navy Seals. They may create a fabricated international incident that will give them an excuse to turn the world against us. They'll claim we hide WMDs, chemical weapons, or even trumped-up human rights violations pretending that Wakandan citizens don't have freedom because we force isolation to hide nefarious behavior," N'Jadaka said.

"Ridiculous," Shuri said.

"America will stoke the fires and get the EU behind them. Classic playbook actions."

N'Jadaka's words were measured, especially when Nakia was brought in on the latter part of their private meeting. The first fifteen minutes of her entering the king's inner chamber had Nakia flustered by the intensity of N'Jadaka's bearing. Not only that, but his interactions with T'Challa were so comfortable and connected. They were confidantes, and her brother seemed to know what N'Jadaka needed to hear without him even asking. Not being the king anymore made her brother more powerful, if such a thing were truly possible. From Shuri's vantage point, N'Jadaka became the sheath to T'Challa's blade. Her brother stood in the office coiled and ready to take on the world, and N'Jadaka trusted him fully.

By the time the meeting ended, N'Jadaka had Nakia laughing, and the new ambassador post he assigned her made the former spy more open to the king. They had reached mutual respect. When Shuri left the king's office with her brother, Nakia stayed behind for a private chat with N'Jadaka.

"King N'Jadaka!"

A male host of the coronation ball jolted Shuri back to her senses, and she glanced around at the grandeur and the thousands of people packed into the ballroom aching to be near the new king. The immediate family went to a dais table to feast on nine courses as proclamations were read and live musicians provided entertainment. The extended family enjoyed the food and libations around the king, and Shuri kept a watchful eye on the citizens. Especially the challengers to the throne at Warrior Falls. The Council of Elders held court at their respective tribal tables while the nobles had the best views of the royal family.

Shuri noticed right away that Remy kept his attention on Yani.

His face looked better from the bruising beat down he took. Shuri could only imagine how all the fighters would be if they didn't have advanced medicine and tools to heal broken bones and swollen faces within hours and not weeks. While dozens of servers brought dessert out on floating carts, N'Jadaka rose from his seat to go around and greet the noble tribal representatives, starting with Nakia and her people. There were handshakes, good-natured pats on the back, and jokes shared, but none of that happened when the king reached Remy. The young noble stood and held his hands in the sign of respect that was traditional, but N'Jadaka leaned in and said something in Remy's ear that made the younger man's body go rigid and his face tense up.

Shuri had been greeting older relatives near the nobles and watched up close the shift in mood from the Merchant Tribe members in that section. Elder Zinzi stood and gave N'Jadaka a warm pat on the back, but he must've said something disrespectful to Remy because another elder grabbed Remy's arm to force him back down into his seat. Thankfully, the twelve-member band struck up a song that broke up the tension, seducing couples to move onto the dance floor.

N'Jadaka spoke to Zinzi with his back turned to the Merchant Tribe head table and Shuri felt a tap on her shoulder.

"Sinjin!"

With no thought about where she was, Shuri hugged her lover, and he squeezed her waist before moving a respectful distance from her.

"How long have you been in Birnin Zana?"

"I was part of the last wave of islanders brought inland two days ago," Sinjin said.

"Where have you been staying?"

"With relatives in Birnin S'Yan, near the high plateau."

"You look wonderful."

"So do you."

Shuri touched the fancy, pulled-back hairstyle she was trying out. The sides and back were shaved low, almost in the same style as N'Jadaka. She touched her nape with shy hands and couldn't keep herself from stepping closer to him in the surrounding crowd of dancers and nobles trying to get closer to N'Jadaka.

"He's finally the king," Sinjin said.

"Yes."

"Feels weird."

"Eh?"

"He's not the same man I fought for."

"He is the same to me, in a way. I think he has become more of himself by being here with his entire family."

"Things are cool with you all?"

Shuri grinned.

"I would not think it was possible over a year ago, but now… he is truly family. A brilliant man."

Sinjin nodded. It was too tempting to touch him, so Shuri moved closer to the edge of the dance floor where they would be openly seen.

"How are W'Kabi and Okoye doing?" Shuri asked.

Sinjin glanced over to where W'Kabi stood with a drink in his hand, speaking to the Border Tribe fighter who had lost to N'Jadaka.

"It is still touch and go. Talks of divorce have ceased for now…"

"But?"

"There is still hurt there. Okoye is hesitant to reconcile fully. Maybe things will change having a new king that they both have to answer to."

"I hope they work things out."

"I hope so, too. King N'Jadaka made many people reevaluate who they really are. He is the change we needed."

Sinjin lowered his head.

"That is no disrespect to your brother, Shuri. King T'Challa was placed in a tough position. King N'Jadaka was a storm that blew through here and it shook up people. To their core. Okoye and W'Kabi have never seen things eye to eye for a few years now. Our civil war underlined that fact."

"T'Challa was a good king."

"We need an exceptional one now."

Shuri's kimoyo beads warmed on her wrist, then lit up with an amber color.

"Excuse me," she said, rushing away from the people and toward a private alcove outside of the ballroom.

Nick Fury's face floated in front of her with a grim expression.

"Princess Shuri. We have a problem," Nick Fury said.

Yani held her breath when King N'Jadaka swaggered past the tables of the nobles he tangled with at Warrior Falls. When he stood in front of Remy, she immediately knew he said something mean because Remy looked like he was ready to fight again right there in front of everyone. She stood up quickly and moved away from the family table to pretend like she was checking on her children, but all the grandparents looked after them. Reversing her steps in another direction, she made sure no one could see her reactions. Checking her kimoyo, they had another two hours to go before N'Jadaka would have to leave for other ball celebrations in different parts of the city. She would have to change clothes and attend them with Disa, but the children would stay with Dante.

Marisol and Twyla caught up with her, and they huddled behind a pillar to gossip about Disa.

"See, look at him… I think there's something more serious going on," Twyla said as they peeked at Disa speaking to a giant man wearing Jabari furs and a leather military skirt.

"I know she likes him," Marisol said, tucking the back of her white head wrap tighter.

Twyla sucked her teeth.

"We all know she likes him, gyal, it's seeing them together like this that's making it obvious to everyone. You think Big Man noticed?" Twyla asked.

Marisol grinned.

"JaJa's so busy working the crowd he can't even relax," Marisol said.

Yani's kimoyo lit up. She turned away from the women. A co-worker at the hospital, a seasoned midwife named Atlarela, gazed at her with a strained expression.

"Princess Yani, I am so sorry to disturb your time at the celebration, but I need your help. Nks. Tshwete has gone into labor and she is having a hard time. I told her you could not be here, but she insists on talking to you. She is in a panic and the baby's heart rate has gone up," Atlarela said.

Yani walked quickly to a quiet area out on a terrace. There were a few nobles lingering outside to catch a pleasant breeze and enjoy the view of the golden city below.

"Do you all mind? I have an emergency call," Yani said.

The group of nobles nodded and left her alone.

Yani sat down on a low cushioned bench and tapped her kimoyo.

"I am here, Atlarela. Let me see her," Yani.

Nks. Tshwete's sweaty face peered at her with worry. Propped in a wide birthing chair with her husband rubbing her shoulders behind her, the mother-to-be visibly relaxed when she saw Yani.

"Dr. Galiber… this is harder than I thought," Nks. Tshwete said.

"But you are a strong woman and so ready to bring this baby out," Yani said in her best Wakandan.

"Ow!"

Nks. Tshwete rubbed her stomach and hissed.

"Are you in a lot of pain?" Yani asked, swiping a med screen next to the floating image.

"My back aches… I am so tired."

"Looks like we have you on a low dosage of imifuno enoxolo. I'll up that by five milligrams," Yani said.

She typed in her med code and Atlarela received the change notification on the floating screen that tracked the birth's progress. The hospital room's A.I. Griot scanned the medicine requested and popped out a skin patch from a dispenser on a rolling medical console. moaned with discomfort and her husband nuzzled his cheek against hers. The midwife stuck the small patch on the mother's left arm and checked for dilation.

"She is ready," Atlarela said.

Yani dragged her index finger across her floating screen that synched up with Nks. Tshwete's body scanner to check the position of the baby.

"Time to start helping that baby out—"

"I cannot! I am so weak… so tired," Nks. Tshwete said.

"That is not true. You carried this big baby boy for nine months—"

"Nine months and seven days," Nks. Tshwete corrected.

"Yes, now he finally decided to come out. You know something? My son did the same thing. Mi Dumplin, him got really comfortable in mi belly. Mi fuss every day with him fat self," Yani said.

Nks. Tshwete smiled through her discomfort. Atlarela squatted onto the medical seat in front of the comfortable birthing chair and gently massaged a warm cream along the perineum to prevent tearing. She tapped the side of the chair and it expanded, giving the midwife more room.

Yani clucked her tongue and put a hand on her hip.

"He stayed in mi for six extra days past his due date and I was over it!" Yani quipped.

Nks. Tshwete leaned into her husband's neck and exhaled deeply as a hard contraction took over her focus.

"Rubbed mi Dumplin right on out. Sang to him too."

"What did you sing?" Nks. Tshwete huffed out.

Yani hummed an old lullaby her Auntie Leona used to sing to her when she was a baby. Tingalayo.

"Tingalayo… come little donkey come. Mi donkey fast, mi donkey slow… mi donkey come and mi donkey go…"

Yani sang the song, her voice shiny and clear, like a bell. Nks. Tshwete panted and pushed.

"Mi donkey dance, mi donkey sing… Mi donkey wearin' a wedding ring…"

Mr. Tshwete laughed and gazed at Yani's image floating in front of them.

"Why is a donkey wearing a wedding ring?" he asked.

Nks. Tshwete chuckled until her cheeks puffed out with exertion.

"Them island donkeys like to be married, I guess," Yani explained.

Atlarela pressed her knees onto the wide cushion of the birthing chair, dipping her hands low as the baby's head pushed through.

"Him have a lil coconut head," Yani said.

"Like his father!" Mr. Tshwete joked, wiping sweat from his bald dome.

A young nurse brought the midwife a warm towel to tuck under the baby as his shoulders wiggled through.

"Here he is… look at this… look at this little one," Atlarela said.

Nks. Tshwete closed her eyes and wept, her face exhausted, and her body losing the tension in her shoulders. Atlarela placed the baby on the flat front of the birthing chair, allowing Nks. Tshwete to collect herself in a way that Yani was trying with new mothers. She would guide the babies down and allow the mothers to catch their breath. It slowed down the birth process and gave new mothers a chance to gather themselves before meeting their new bundle of joy. Instead of handing the baby over right away, Yani encouraged letting the newborn sit quietly in warmth as the mother rested in the release.

"Oh, look how well you did!" Yani said.

"Thank you," Nks. Tshwete said while her husband kissed her cheek and rubbed her forehead.

"All I did was watch you do what you already knew how to do, love. Look how pretty you look, Mama!" Yani clapped her hands.

Atlarela winked at Yani.

Nks. Tshwete reached down between her legs and stroked her child's feet first, then explored the wrinkled legs and ran a gentle finger up to his arms and tiny balled-up fists.

"He is beautiful," Nks. Tshwete said.

Scooping her hand under the baby, she finally lifted him up to her chest where she sniffed his skin and nuzzled him under her chin, giving skin-to-skin contact. Yani began singing softly again, and the exhausted mother sang along, calming everyone there.

"The afterbirth is coming," Atlarela said.

The new mother held her squirming child to her naked breast and the ecstatic father cradled his son's round, wet head.

"I will leave you all now. Happy birthday," Yani said.

Nks. Tshwete blew Yani a kiss, and Atlarela turned off the link. Yani touched her cheeks and wiped away a tear. She always cried when helping mothers give birth. So many babies had come through her hands in Wakanda, but each one made her weep with second-hand joy as if she had given birth too. She heard the jokes behind her back that N'Jadaka caused the birthing boom in the country. People made love to forget the war and thousands of babies were born soon after. It wasn't about to let up either. Her work calendar stayed filled with upcoming new arrivals. Wakandans fucked instead of fighting, which the people celebrated because the birth rate had been lower than normal in Birnin Zana.

She heard movement behind her.

"I always knew you would be a success."

Yani turned and the new king of Wakanda moved next to the bench she occupied. She stood, exhaled, and looked at him directly as she nodded her head in deference.

"You never have to do that with me, Yani," he said.

N'Jadaka moved closer to her, and she took a hesitant step back to give him room near the bench.

"I'm about to leave for the next ball location. Wanted to see if you were ready to go," he said.

Yani touched her chin, then looked down at her dress.

"I need to change—"

"Don't. I like that dress on you. It's regal… beautiful. Fit for a princess."

She found a more confident tone and rushed the words out.

"Thank you for that," she said.

"I didn't have time to see you before I left, so T'Challa and the Council took care of the details presenting the title to you," he said.

Her eyes drifted steadily to his face and there was a glow of confidence there that made her midsection relax. He rested in kingship. It fit him like a tailored suit and she thought of all the times back in St. Thomas when he walked around like he was royalty.

The old him… Killmonger… carried the bearing of royalty all the time. She had mistaken much of it as arrogance, but N'Jadaka knew who he was back then. He couldn't even hide it that well. The way he spoke, the force of his words, and his personality made people stop and take notice back there among the deadly mercenaries. She had made love and played house with a prince for two years. A natural-born leader from birth.

"I'll be prepping for the consortium tomorrow. I would like to have lunch with Riki and Sydette in my new office… if that can be arranged," he said.

"I'm staying in the palace for the next two days until my new rotation at the hospital starts. Before I forget, Dr. Bryan is all set to come here from St. Thomas."

"Good. This is going to be a massive undertaking. Thank you for putting in all the extra work to get her here."

Yani clasped her hands in front of her waist.

"How was it up there?"

They both glanced over at Mount Bashenga. He moved over to the protective railing and she followed him.

"It was an experience I will never forget. Even now, I'm still processing everything. I let a lot of things go… from my past and my present. It's like I shed two hundred spiritual pounds to open myself up for a different weight."

"Well, you look good… healthy," she said.

"I feel good. Gotta put in work now."

"Is it everything you thought it would be? Becoming king?"

"More, so much more, Yani."

His body became an imposing figure right next to her. The blinding white of his royal robes, the long, twisted locks, the piercing, the gold teeth, his scent… Yani gripped the railing to steady herself mentally. N'Jadaka sighed.

"This new life won't be perfect until I get things right with you," he said.

"Huh?"

"Had I lived that first time… I would've come back for you and Sydette."

He turned toward her, his eyes burning into hers.

"The day T'Challa stabbed me… I had secret orders to send a ship to St. Thomas. They destroyed it during the battle."

Yani took a step back.

"You don't have to make up stories to make me feel better," she said.

"Have I ever lied to you? Not about who I really was, but how I treated you there?"

She shook her head.

"You gave the good parts of me back to myself, Yani," he said.

She leaned in toward him and he gazed at the mountain again.

"I fucked up by going to Disa based on a promise I made to Grandpop, but I was on a rampage to get here. I hurt you in a way that no amount of sorry is going to make up for because I know what you went through with other men who let you down, and I acted like a basic fool, just like the rest of them that one time. I'm better than that. I acted carelessly… I mean… I guess I didn't care about living anymore… didn't think I'd make it out alive to get back to you, anyway. Weak excuses can't explain what I did. Words don't mean shit to you cuz niggas been spittin' game just to have you. Love for another person is supposed to be a positive action, and I didn't even love myself enough to stop and think about anything beyond getting here and taking everything for my people… for my parents. I got what I wanted and I'm grateful for that. It cost me though. I will own that. All those broken parts, all those lost years… Wakanda gave me my parents back. Gave me peace with my ancestors. United me with my cousins and my grandparents. I have all of my missing pieces back... everything except for you. You are the one. Accepted me for how I showed up, even the bad things. Gave me my first child. One that I didn't even make!"

N'Jadaka laughed, but Yani had a lump in her throat and another in a hollow part of her chest.

"I'm going to spend the rest of my days trying to make up for lost time with my kids… and Yani… I want to make everything up to you."

The lump in her chest stayed solid. Men always said shit they didn't really mean. The high of the day impacted his words. He probably had a lot to drink and wanted to butter her up because of guilt.

Yani ran those thoughts through her head, but the man next to her didn't match up with the energy of the one who crushed her heart. Killmonger broke her by getting someone else pregnant and still loving them. But the man next to her was N'Jadaka. The difference was night and day.

"Yani… is there a chance for me to make up for everything? I would like to—"

"King N'Jadaka!"

Noxolo rushed onto the terrace with Quamba.

N'Jadaka strode toward them. His kimoyo beads lit up. He tapped them and Shuri's image appeared.

"Nick Fury contacted me. I am headed to my lab now, and I need you and T'Challa to come right away. The Americans have found the Asgardian people," Shuri said.

N'Jadaka turned to Yani.

"I guess I won't be able to finish talking to you tonight," he said.

"It's okay. You have more pressing things to do."

"If this doesn't take long, I'll try to meet you at one of the other parties," he said.

"I better get back inside," she said.

Yani attempted to walk past him, but he reached for her hand and pulled her back.

"I meant what I said, Yani."

"I heard you."

"If or when you think I'm worthy… I'd like to start over. Slowly, of course. If you don't feel it in your heart anymore, I'll understand. I want to put it out there so you know where I stand," he said.

His kimoyo beads lit up, and T'Challa's avatar twirled in a circle above his wrist.

"Go," Yani said, pushing his arm.

His Doras turned and walked toward the exit to wait for him. N'Jadaka stared at her. His mouth parted and seemed to want to say more.

"I will consider everything you've said. No promises," she said.

He nodded and when Yani lifted on her toes to kiss his cheek, she missed him by a mere two seconds. With his frame gone from her side, the removal of his body heat made the empty space so cold and lonely. A cool breeze rushed over her where his body once blocked the chill. She watched him move with his personal guards and admired the vision he presented, even as it moved away from her quickly.

Once he was gone, she turned back to the railing and looked over at Mount Bashenga. She had to be about her work, too. N'Jadaka had high expectations for his consortium and the Wakanda Outreach re-haul under his command.

It was a new beginning for everyone.

The Royal Talon Fighter landed on a platform outside of Shuri's lab with N'Jadaka and T'Challa on board. They moved in tandem into the building and walked down some spiral stairs where they met Shuri at her revamped computer workstation. She brought up Fury's image.

"Talk to me," N'Jadaka said.

Fury looked from T'Challa to him. His cousin no longer wore the royal clothing of the king.

"Damn, that was quick. You really weren't bullshittin' about taking over," Fury said.

N'Jadaka folded his arms.

"Time is money, man," N'Jadaka said.

"Asgard was destroyed on purpose to protect the people. There was an entity unleashed there that could not be contained and they had to self-destruct to save themselves. Those who survived the initial assault were on course to earth aboard a foreign vessel called the Statesman when they were attacked by what they call space pirates. They killed half on board. The rest used escape pods to get to earth."

"Thor tell you all this?" N'Jadaka asked.

"Thor is still out there somewhere. He's more than likely dead. There's something coming here that is a threat to us all… in the entire universe," Fury said. "These so-called space pirates are fronting it and they are coming here."

N'Jadaka glanced at T'Challa. His cousin moved closer to him. Shuri watched with concerned eyes. Fury touched his creased forehead before he threaded his fingers together.

"On our side, we're collecting as much evidence and corroborating what the refugees from Asgard have told us," Fury said.

"How many survived?" Shuri asked.

"Less than 2,500 were able to make it all the way here," Fury said.

Fury lifted a glass of amber liquid, letting them all know he wasn't on anybody's clock and his intel was for their ears only.

"I need to know how secure your borders are, King N'Jadaka," Fury said.

"Despite our internal terrorist issue that has been contained since you've been here, we're the safest country on the planet," N'Jadaka said.

Fury wiped his forehead nervously with his drink glass. The cool, calm, and collected bravado was gone. The man looked stressed.

"I pray to God you are because what's coming down the pipeline is going to suck you in. Since T'Challa opened you up to the world, we are going to turn to you soon."

"For what?" N'Jadaka.

"Help. To save all of us," Fury said.

Fury gulped down his drink.

"I'm compiling a confidential Asgard report just for your eyes. Shuri, I would like to ask that you recalibrate those probes of yours and start tracking the signatures I've already emailed you… with encryptions. Maybe you can find out where these pirates are," Fury said.

N'Jadaka sensed something more.

"Why are you holding out more information from us?" N'Jadaka asked.

"Need to know is how I play it close to the vest," Fury said.

"With this new intel, will you be coming to our grand opening delegation meet-up?" N'Jadaka said.

"You're still going through with it?" Fury said with a grin.

"Shit, I would look too janky if I pulled the rug on it now with the change in leadership. Gotta pacify these fools somehow before I have my consortium."

"I regret to inform you that I will not be attending the meet-up. But I'm coming to your other private gathering."

"Good," N'Jadaka said.

Fury pointed to N'Jadaka's nose ring and decorated beard.

"That's a lot going on, brotha. I thought you Wakandans kept it low-key."

"New sheriff in town, bruh," N'Jadaka said.

"I'll be in contact again soon," Fury said.

He blinked out and Shuri immediately pulled up the schematics for their hot probes still working in the field. She pushed away 3D images and plucked out others. Data flashed past in bright neon orange sequences and her computer started deciphering code.

"I'm downloading their files and the ones Fury sent me. Tracking highlighted emissions and anomalies shouldn't be hard now that we have trace evidence to go on from the escape pods. All this life out there… incredible," Shuri said.

"Dangerous too," N'Jadaka said.

"I'll get to work with General Okoye and our military heads to prepare upgrades for all security measures and evacuation," T'Challa said. "Go on back to the palace and enjoy the ball."

"I'd rather work here and go over this data that's coming in," N'Jadaka said.

He pulled off his top robe and tossed it over a chair. Grabbing a stylus, he began opening files on his kimoyo beads Shuri sent to him too. T'Challa left them to do their work as he sought Okoye in person.

"Shuri, if you want to go back and be with your mother and the rest of the family, I can dig into all this myself," N'Jadaka said.

"Parties and big social events aren't really my thing. I'm more comfortable here."

"What about your boyfriend?" he asked.

She froze. Still staring at the chemical makeup of one of the emergency pod metal samples, Shuri took a deep breath.

"I'm not tryna get into your business, but I noticed you with him. He looks crazy about you."

"Please… say nothing to anyone else. No one knows about Sinjin."

"W'Kabi's cousin, right?"

"Yes. We met when you came here. During the war."

"I'll keep it to myself."

"Thank you."

She swiped and enlarged the tracking data, then glanced at him.

"Things have changed for you. With Disa and Yani?" she said.

"You can read me too," he said.

"In my time with all of you, I noticed that you have an interesting dynamic with them both."

"How's that?"

"I watched some old videos of your family in Brazil that Marisol shared, and I made an interesting observation. You fell in love with two women who are basically your mother and aunt."

N'Jadaka's face scrunched up in confusion.

"It's true, cousin," Shuri said. "Disa is so much like your Aunt Lia, and Yani is… well, she is a toned-down version of your mother, Califia. At the heart of each of them is a connection that you lost as a little boy. No wonder you love them both so much. The two women you admired most at the beginning of your life were the blueprint for who you ended up loving later as a man. But now… I think… maybe… you have settled your mind about them. You were different with them tonight."

N'Jadaka sat on a stool next to Shuri. Her words sank into him.

"I love them both dearly, for different reasons, but—"

"Yani is the one you want," she finished for him.

He closed his eyes.

"Yeah. She's who I love for all the right reasons, though. I felt like I owed Disa so much. I was so young and naïve when I went after her. She's my best friend, and I promised so much to her I never fulfilled. After all was said and done, I turned her into a single mother, something she was never supposed to be."

"I don't think she sees it that way," Shuri said.

"I do."

Shuri shook her head.

"She is so happy here. Have you looked at her? I mean really watched how she moves in Wakanda? Bliss. There are times I wish I could see Wakanda the way she does. I've been raised here all my life, so I'm used to a lot of things. But the wonder and joy she carries are astounding."

"I promised her the entire world," he said.

"You gave it to her. And you are still friends. With a beautiful child that she adores."

"I hurt Yani, though, and I don't think she will ever love me again the way she used to back in St. Thomas."

"Listen to me. You tried to kill me and my brother. We got over that and love you now. In time, she will see the new you and decide what is right for her. But she is happy too. I see the joy on her face and she loves her work here."

N'Jadaka stared at his cousin.

"You… love me?"

"Of course, I do. You have shown me who you really are, and I've had time to learn about your past. I've healed from it. In my opinion, murderous intentions trump having a child with someone else… don't tell Yani I said that!" Shuri said.

N'Jadaka grinned. Shuri laid her hand over his.

"You were lost and blinded by revenge. She loves you so much and it's just taking Yani a lot of time to heal from your one mistake with her."

"Did she tell you she loves me?" he asked.

"We can all see it. Her eyes never left your presence the entire day. Remind her why she fell in love with you in the first place and let her see that you are the one for her, too."

Shuri removed her hand, and a smirk crossed over her lips.

"What?" he asked.

She tilted her head and began singing.

"She is your queen… your queen-to-be…! A queen-to-be forever… a queen who'll do whatever his Highness desires… she's your queen-to-be… a vision of perfection, an object of affection… to quench your royal fire…"

N'Jadaka reached over and put Shuri in a headlock.

"See, now you got jokes! How did you learn that song?"

"My Dad watched all your corny American movies and swore up and down your Eddie Murphy was making fun of real African countries like ours," Shuri said.

She untangled herself from his loving grip, but he threw an arm around her shoulder.

"I love your smartass, too," he said.

"I am glad. Wakanda is the place of miracles, cousin."

"You are the miracle worker, Shuri. Gave me a second chance."

"Well, put your second-chance self to work. We just received our first clue," Shuri said, pointing to her elaborate 3D images.

"The space dust burned into the escape pods that fell into our atmosphere comprises particles from a meteor that came from deep space," she said.

She pulled in another image of the Great Mound that housed all of their vibranium.

"We haven't seen that type of chemical makeup since vibranium landed in our country inside a meteor two point five million years ago. These space pirates… they may come from cultures older than humanity," Shuri said.

"Hopefully, they bleed," N'Jadaka said.

They worked late into the night until he fell asleep, hugged up next to the computer images. Dozing off, he worried about how advanced the technology was on the other side of the universe.

Chapter 62 HERE.

A.N.:

*I changed the spelling of the actual Mami Wata to Mama Wati to give me the freedom to write about an actual African/African Diaspora deity that I am very familiar with as a Wakandan variation of that water spirit. She is the same one I use in my Namor fic "The Offering".

Tag List:

@readingaddict1290

@issimplyaamazinggg

@eyeknowmywrites

@kitesatforestp

@fd-writes

@soufcakmistress

@cherrystainedlipsbaby

@tclaybon

@thadelightfulone

@allhailqueennel

@bartierbakarimobisson

@cpwtwot

@shookmcgookqueen

@yoyolovesbucky

@raysunshine78

@the-illlestt

@terrablaze514

@l-auteuse

@amirra88

@jimizwidow

@janelledarling

@chaneajoyyy

@sweetestdream92

@purple-apricots

@blackpinup22

@hennessystevens-udaku

@scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade

@bugngiz

@stariamrry

@honeytoffee

@meilintheempressofdreams

@tyees

@eye-raq

@writerbee-ffs

@chocolatedream30

@childishgambinaa

@mygirlrenee

@thewaysheis—awkward

@tchallasbabymama

@lahuttor

@goodieyaya

@post-woke

@soufcakmistress

@yomiloo

@goddessofthundathighs

@nahimjustfeelingit-writes

@retroxvailles

@cydneyrenee4

@nizzle-mo

@cecereads209

@childishgambinaax

@gopaperless

@bombshellbre95

@tchallasbabymama

@musicisme333

@sister-winter73

@nccu-rnc

@sj206260358

@blmcd57110

@griot-of-wakanda

#Black Boys Bloom Thorns First #Wet Sugar 2 #Killmonger Fanfiction #Wakanda Forever Fanfiction #killmonger fanfic #Black Panther Fanfiction #pantherverse #Namor #T'Challa #Shuri #Uzumaki Rebellion Writes #Uzumaki Rebellion

34 notes · View notes

happyflux · 2 years

Text

Star Trek posting again because oh man I am rotating stuff in my mind so much. Putting it under a cut because this turned out really long but it’s about Data and autism and how much I love this funny little android.

So I know that these days, when we talk about autism representation, a lot of people will talk about the long-running sci-fi trope of the autistic coded alien/robot. Specifically they will talk very negatively about it, about how it’s dehumanizing and alienating and, to use a word that I’m aware has absolutely zero meaning these days but that’s kind of the point, problematic. Up until very recently I used to agree with that viewpoint- in the abstract it sounds reasonable, it makes sense, so being the 99 gen z I am, I just... sort of bought into it, went along with it, started complaining about it whenever i saw it without giving it much thought.

And then I started watching Star Trek: The Next Generation and oh. Oh. Oh, Data.

Data feels more authentically autistic, more relatable to me as an autistic person, than any other character I’ve seen in any production, especially in productions of this scale. The only other character I can think of who comes close is Raddagher from Find Us Alive, an extremely niche indie podcast that started airing in 2019. Data was out there in the 80s, more than a decade before I was even born, and while yes he’s an android, and yes he’s not explicitly autistic... He is the first character I’ve seen on TV to actually make me feel that hey, that’s a person like me-feeling that good representation is supposed to give.

See, Data doesn’t just fit all the typical autistic coded boxes- not getting jokes, speaking overly formally, being emotionally constipated to the point of being convinced he doesn’t experience emotions at all despite very clear evidence to the contrary, et cetera. I mean- he does fit all of those criteria, but so do all those more recent autistic characters that I don’t feel this way about.

Data infodumps; whenever asked a question he will, unless interrupted, be happy to tell the asker everything he knows about the subject. He always makes sure to be as clear and direct as possible when explaining something, he doesn’t want to leave anything out, even if others might find that annoying. No matter how many times he’s told off for this, he doesn’t change.

Data has special interests, that aren’t “useful”; usually with autistic characters in media their special interests will be something like their field of science or maths or something like that, but Data’s special interest is Sherlock Holmes. He will cosplay and drag his friends into re-enactments and will quote the books and walk around with a pipe (until told off for that) and imitate Sherlock’s mannerisms in a way that is just, so familiar.

This might be a small thing to some, and it might just be because I don’t watch enough stuff, but before Data, I have never seen a character practising expressions in the mirror. Never.

And- and this is the thing that really makes me love Data as autistic representation- Data is loved, by the entire crew, not just in spite of his autistic traits but because of his autistic traits. Even though he is not technically human, his colleagues, no, his family, never once treat him as lesser for being the way he is. There are times when he is dehumanized, for sure, but that is always coming from someone who is an outsider in some way, and it is always rejected wholeheartedly by the people who know him. Data, as he exists in the show, is a statement that autistic people are worthy of love and respect, and that it is the duty of those around us to fight for our rights to be treated as human.

I am not by any means saying that Data is a perfect analogy for an actual autistic person; he’s not, there’s a lot about him that isn’t accurate to that experience at all... but despite all that, he feels more relatable to me than a lot of characters who on paper should be better representation. And he’s been on TV since 1987.

#star trek #star trek tng #star trek data #autism #trek #since i actually bothered to tag this post and people might see it #brief context for anyone who doesn’t know me:#despite having been a star trek fan in general for over a decade #hell i was practically raised on the show #i never got around to watching tng until now #i don't know how this happened #i blame my parents for having bad priorities #so far i'm on s3e02 #but i'm also 100% ok with spoilers #i have for some reason already watched picard

45 notes · View notes

whole-wheat-trolls · 1 year

Text

End Where We Began

Lilian didn't make it back home until late into the night, long enough for the fist shaped bruise to fully form across her cheek. Marais, after punching Lilian in return, stayed nearby until Lilian had pulled herself off the ground. Lilian, of course, prodded why she would do that.

"What are you still here for? Are you worried about me?"

"Worried about you? No- I just wanted to see the smug look I wiped off your face."

Neither made an effort to get up and leave immediately despite this. Marais had grabbed a stick and started scraping pictures into the snow out of boredom, and Lilian had decided to watch. When Marais noticed she changed her doodling prerogative, making one obviously intended to be Lilian with a large bump on the face where Marais had just punched her.

"That's pretty good, but where's the one with your face caved in too," Lilian poked.

"How could I forget, we just look SO cute together," Marais said, still humoring the idea and drawing the described picture into the snow.

Lilian didn't have a great response to that. She certainly couldn't argue the fact that the drawing of her was cute, despite instinctively wanting to. Cute was never something Lilian expected to be, cute is how people describe little bows, ribbons, and small animals. Not scars, biting remarks, and someone who punches people in a fit of anger.

"Are you so in awe you can't speak? Yeah, I have that effect on people," Marais said, finishing the doodle, trying to pull a response from Lilian but being met with stony silence. It worked better than any witty response Lilian could have thought of at the time. Marais put her scribing stick down, mulled her thoughts over one last time and said, "The coach says I can still do saber with my broken arm. You should come, it gives me another opportunity to beat you."

"What if I break your other arm," is what Lilian wanted to say, but the banter didn't come naturally. What she said instead seems so pathetic in retrospect. She asked,

"Are we friends?"

Marais, in her infinite wisdom, stopped herself from laughing, "Yeah? I just invited you to spend more time with me, what did you think that meant?"

"I don't know? I punched you in the face! It could mean lots of things."

"We're even now, don't worry about it," she replied, like it was so obvious.

"At last, you bring a trophy worthy of your name home. Consider me pleasantly surprised, Lilian." The great serpent Bouros was as unyielding as ever.

Bless these cheap trophies not having names engraved in them. Lilian relaxes every muscle in her body all at once, as the dragon regards the trophy in its claws.

"You may keep this trophy. Use it to remind yourself what you are capable of."

The encouraging words only serve to remind Lilian of the crack she felt as she broke her first friend's arm. In those next fleeting moments she had thought about coming clean, of saying she actually did fail and not have to bear the expectations a moment longer. The fear of her lusus' wrath kept her silent, avoiding it was the reason she brought the trophy back to begin with. If Bouros was calm, and never knew then everything would surely turn out fine.

"Actually I," as Lilian starts to speak, the dragon's brow crooks, suspicious of her intention, "wanted to attend an extra class?"

"Had your taste of victory and now you're out for more, is it? Very well then, do as you please," the serpent says, with crooked smile.

Lilian struggles to fall asleep that night, her conscience guiltier than ever.

Lilian finds she enjoys the time spent learning with Marais much more than that of learning with Bouros. The mistakes are not judged so harshly, they are given critiques meant to help and improve without belittling the efforts put in. It's an additional upside that she is not being flung across the room whenever her guard fails her. It was nice. Lilian was not used to nice.

"I'm glad you showed up," Marais told her afterwards. They hadn't really talked during the class before then, it just wasn't like Lilian. "You're good at this, maybe we should both consider switching over," Marais joked.

"My lusus wouldn't allow it, he pushed hard for me to start longsword."

"Really? I thought you liked it? You haven't missed a single tournament, most people stopped showing up after the second one."

"Well, I do, but I don't think I ever would have done this if not for him?"

"I'm glad you did. I wanted to talk to you for a while but you're so stoic. Everyone else is just kind of a pushover. Not the kind of people to break someone's arm then punch them about it."

"Sorry," Lilian tries to say, only to get shushed immediately.

"I told you not to mention it, I don't care. Besides, I hear the arm is supposed to be stronger once it heals."

"Fine then, you're welcome for breaking your arm," Lilian corrects herself.

"See, that's more like it."

The following months while Marais' arm healed were a breeze. Lilian continued to bring home first place much to Bouros' delight, though the guilt Lilian felt continued to nag at the back of her mind. It didn't feel honest, and Lilian didn't know if she had improved enough to beat Marais once she returned to tournaments. Bouros fortunately didn't pick up on Lilian's feelings during their chats, but Marais recognized it immediately after her cast came off and was replaced with a brace.

"What's wrong Lils? You don't seem happy to see me, I can tell, your ears usually perk up when I walk in."

"It's, complicated," there wasn't any use lying to a friend.

"Ok, sooo tell me about it, duh?"

"I still don't think I can beat you when you come back to longsword," Lilian's voice was shameful, she wanted to kick herself for sounding so pathetic in front of Marais again.

"So? Isn't that part of the fun?"

"My lusus is expecting me to win though, if I don't I... I don't know. He'll be upset."

"Why? Isn't this just a hobby for you? He can't really take it THAT seriously."

"He wants to know that I'll be able to defend myself out there… That means being the best at it. He just wants the best for me."

"It's not like winning every time is gonna prove that, you broke my arm in one swing! I KNOW you have to hold back every match, girl you could destroy any of the people still attending, me included."

"He doesn't know that, I couldn't tell him, he. He'd."

Marais puts her good hand on Lilian's shoulder trying to offer comfort, the flinch she gets in return speaks volumes more than Lilian would ever willingly give up in conversation. Marais pulls her hand back, it makes Lilian feel even more pathetic than ever.

"I'm sorry, it's just that I," Lilian quickly tries to explain it away before Marais gets the right impression.

"Alright, come on," Marais interrupts her and stands up, extending her arms.

"What are you doing?"

"Hug me, idiot, you obviously need it."

It's an excuse to stop talking that Lilian readily accepts. Though it's awkward, Lilian gets up off the cheap bleachers that line the walls, and eventually figures out how to get her arms around Marais in a way that feels something close to comfortable.

"This is weird," Lilian whispers.

"Maybe it is, is this the first time you've hugged somebody?"

"My brother hugs me sometimes?"

"Do you want me to stop?"

"Yeah, but thanks? I feel better. I think."

"We'll figure something out when the time comes, try not to worry about it too much until then, alright?"

The two stop hugging, and not a word is said but it feels. Comfortable. Lilian still doesn't know what she's going to do, but she's not panicking about it any longer.

"Marais I," Lilian racks her brain for the words she's trying to say, "I really appreciate having you around."

"I would hope, we wouldn't really be friends otherwise now would we?"

Your name is Nilian Brtrud, though you prefer it shortened to Nils. You sit in a room with your lusus Aurora, and try to ignore the sinking feeling permeating your body. One would think that being able to predict a bad event before it occurs would offer solace, but you've found the opposite to be true more often. It is impossible to truly relax bearing the weight of this "gift" of knowledge you have carried since hatching. Yet still you must try, weaving flowers into the mane of a great dragon with which you can share, and ease some of your worries.

"How do you think Lilian is doing," you ask tentatively.

"She works so incredibly hard to please Bouros, I fear his expectations are far beyond a child. I think, however, that she is capable of the lofty goals he sets, and that she herself knows that she COULD do it."

"You're right. She can but…" like whispers in the back of your mind something nags at you, pulls you in another direction, "she doesn't want to for some reason."

"I wouldn't want to listen to Bouros either. His wisdom is unreasonable, to put it lightly," the dragon huffs. "He misses Susano and Tamomo, despite his staunch refusal to admit it. When they left he forgot what to do with himself, he does not want to waste his time with you both."

"He was always like this though? He's just harder on us right from the start," you ask, but already seem to know the answer.

"Yes. He treats you both like you are already teenagers, like you've seen the horrors of Alternia. I want you two to know agency, so that you can trust yourselves to make decisions… Bouros, wants to make the decisions that he thinks are best for you, regardless if you resent him for it or not." Aurora sounds resigned to this truth, knowing she can not stop her twin from the path he chooses, only try to be the caring counterpart to their wards. Nils suspects things played out much the same with Susano and Tamomo, Bouros worked the two down to the bone, and Aurora did her best to make sure they were not driven away, but her efforts were outweighed by Bouros' domineering nature.

"You are doing well Aurora, we both love you dearly. I can't truly speak for Tamamo and Susano but if they were to return I am sure it would be for you," you tell the great dragon. She smiles, and though you see the resemblance to Bouros' crooked grin, Aurora's always carried a warmth with it.

"You flatter me, Nils, I am only doing what feels right for you two." It is now the hairs you have so carefully woven flowers into start to stand up across the serpent's body. She huffs once more, lazily turns her eye towards you and says, "I believe Bouros wants to see you now. Sorry, my child."

"How do you always seem to know that?"

"Hmm. You may call it, twin-tuition," the dragon says, chuckling softly before sending you on your way.

As you walk through the halls of your hive, you think about those names. Susano, Tamamo, in reality this hive is still theirs, Lilian and you simply live here in their after image, trying to fill a void that can not truly be filled by you. You hear much about their deeds, and their effects on your two lusii, but little about what they were actually like. It upsets you. You feel like you should know, you are a person who just knows things after all, but they represent a blank space in your mind, and that disturbs you. By the time you make it across the house to the other great chamber housing Bouros, you've almost forgotten the deepening pit in your stomach, but it returns in full force the moment you push through the doors.

"Hello Nilian. I was just about to call for you, what a funny coincidence," Bouros speaks slyly, knowing full well it is not a coincidence.

"Yes, how funny," you say trying to ignore the undertones, "what did you need, Bouros?"

The dragon uses its psionics, a feat you are not used to but keenly aware of, the doors seal behind you. Your intuition seems to have been keenly correct once again.

"I was hoping we could talk about Lilian. There is something suspicious going on," the serpent hisses, "You will tell me what that is."

"I don't know," you try to feign ignorance, "she hasn't told me anything out of the ordinary. Are you sure she's not just stressed about her next tournament?"

"Do not try to mock me boy, I am more observant than you know. She is hiding something from me, and I need to know what that is."

"What makes you think I can help with that?"

"I do not THINK I know. Tamamo would not give me a descendant without imparting her gift upon you in some way."

Is that it then? An answer to one of the questions that's plagued your mind lies with your ancestor.

"Tamamo's gift? Whatever do you mean Bouros?"

The dragon slams a clawed fist to the floor, shaking the room and nearly knocking you over all at once.

"Do not test me boy! You know what I speak of, surely you've lived with it up to this point. Tell me what I wish to know, then I will answer your questions. Quid pro quo, you know what that means?"

It's a statement not a question. You do know what it means despite this being your first exposure to the phrase, and your reaction to it tells the dragon more than you cared to say on the matter.

"Quid pro quo," you concede. You do not care to incur another bout of rage from your lusus, and the answers intrigue you. Surely whatever he cares to know about Lilian will not hurt her, she is not one to hold dire secrets. You suspect she may have broken the sword originally gifted to her, it's been quite some time, you know the fittings were coming loose.

"Now," Bouros pipes up again, quite pleased with this outcome, "there is a voice in the back of your head, isn't there? Listen closely to it. Tell me what Lilian is hiding from me."

At first his description seems off, but as silence falls across the room, you focus on what isn't there. It does not come to you in what you could ever describe as a voice, but there is something. A quiet you did not know yourself capable of reveals itself, and within that, a voice that does not speak. It is as if the wind blew past you, but you could not hear the gusts, could not feel the sensation upon your skin, but the goosebumps still formed and all you knew was that something was different. When the silence is finally gone you find yourself aware of every noise in the room once more, Bouros' heavy breath, your own beating heart, things you once considered quiet but may never again. You repeat Bouros' question to yourself, and find an answer waiting inside your head,

"She… has a friend."

You knew immediately you had made a mistake. You stand up quickly, turn to the door and try to rush out in a futile attempt to protect your sister, but the serpent Bouros cuts you off, holding the door closed with those imposing talons.

"Where are you rushing for Nilian? Haven't we both have so MUCH more to learn from each other?"

You feel sick. How could your ancestor possibly provide you with such a cursed existence? You no longer care to learn her secrets. You wish to be nothing like her, but no one is there to listen to your wishes.

A week later Lilian waits on the sidelines of the saber class, Marais said today would be when her brace could finally come off, and the next longsword tournament would be soon to follow. Its turned from a point of contention for Lilian to a small comfort, without even telling Marais all the specifics… she had agreed to help no matter what. Lilian never considered herself capable of similar virtuous actions.

What was maybe thirty minutes felt like hours to Lilian, staring from the door, back to the professor, then to the clock. Class had started, Marais was late. She was never late. Lilian tries to stay optimistic- Marais probably just took a little while longer at the doctor's than expected! That never stopped her before- gah! Lilian was never good at this whole optimism thing, that was Nils and Aurora's job. Lilian steps outside, unable to bear the clock's ticking a second longer. The season has changed, snow has begun to melt but it still peppers the ground, too wet to sit herself down in the snow, Lilian plants herself on the top steps, safe and dry.

"You get bored of watching people fight? Never thought I'd see the day," Marais had snuck up on her, Lilian jumped straight to her feet, "Heh, did you think I wasn't gonna make it Lils? I've never seen you so excited."

"No- quit using my tail to tell what I'm feeling, that's cheating," Lilian tries futilely to stop her tail from emoting, "What took you so long? You're never late Mara."

"Oh, the doctor figured while I was there that I might as well take my physical, convenience and all. Didn't think you would miss me so much," Marais says, stretching her newly healed arm, "passed with flying colors, to no one's surprise."

"Congratulations? So that means you're ready to get your ass kicked, right?"

"You can TRY! I'm back in full swing with both arms," Marais pushed through the door with Lilian tailing right behind, "Loser buys dinner?"

"Can't turn down a challenge that tempting, you know I've got expensive tastes right Marais? I'll bleed your wallet dry on prime rib."

After practice, the two ended up splitting the bill. Neither girl could keep their lead long enough to come out on top with bragging rights.

"You're a menace Lilian, you don't even look at the menu," Marais comments after they've ordered.

"I know what I want, no use confusing myself with the options," Lilian says with a shrug.

"Okay BUT you would have seen this," Marais turns her menu to Lilian.

And Lilian is quiet.

"What? Does it not sound good? I thought you'd be into that sort of meal!"

And Lilian is quiet. She squints and looks closer. But she's quiet.

"What- quit yanking my chain Lilian!"

Lilian opens her mouth to start talking, then her ears fall flat and she looks away.

"I can't… read it. It. It's too small… and the letters get all jumbled," she hadn't told anyone else. It wasn't like Aurora or Bouros were putting her through schooling, Bouros said her job was to protect them both.

"You have dyslexia? Ah- crap I'm sorry Lils I didn't mean to-"

"There's a word for it?"

"Yeah, of course there's a word for it, I'm pretty sure the symptoms can be alleviated with treatment."

"Huh…"

"Here, do you want me to read it?"

"No- my mind's set on prime rib."

"You're a simple creature Lilian," Marais grins, "Let me order for you next time I promise you'll like it."

"Fine, fine, I'll agree to that. Now hurry up and order so the food comes sooner would you?"

They made plans to meet next week, the day of the longsword tournament Lilian had dreaded. The plan had been to make a plan before the event started, but again Marais was running late. Lilian did her best, trying not to worry herself, she had shown up last week after all just when Lilian thought she wouldn't make it. But, what reason could she possibly have this time? Marais didn't mention anything she had to do beforehand- it just wasn't like her, Marais loved these tournaments. Trying out the optimism for a change, Lilian tells herself that five minutes is still enough for her to show.

Five minutes pass.

The host moves to the front of the room, and begins speaking into the microphone.

"Hello everybody, thank you for coming! I've just heard some excellent news!"

Ah, good, there's announcements, Lilian watches the door. There's still time.

"One of our very own students has been given a very exciting opportunity! I am sure you all know Marais Aperta."

Wait- wait wait, what? Is she trying to surprise you?

"Just today, our off planet fleet academy-"

No-

"Lead by headmistress Nandor has accepted her!"

No! No no no no no no no-

"Her shuttle was scheduled to leave, well, right now!"

No…

"Everyone, give a warm round of applause! I've never had a better student in my time here."

Applause roars around Lilian from every angle. How can they cheer? This isn't RIGHT! She wouldn't just LEAVE like this! She wouldn't do that to you… you made plans… not just for today- later- after everything.

"We'll miss her, but wish her the best, anyway shall we begin?"

Lilian stands up, her jaw clenched so tightly it's a miracle she's not breaking teeth. She wouldn't have the capacity to care right now anyways, she storms out of the building, too angry to cry, too angry to think.

Somewhere in the distance, however many miles away, a shuttle can be seen breaking through the atmosphere.

#fantroll #oc #lilian #Marais #Nils #your honor #3635 words about Lilian

4 notes · View notes

bellamygateoldblog · 2 years

Text

girls gotta start acknowledging that no they wouldn't feel better and more 'feminine' when they shave if the social structure to MAKE them feel like that wasn't already in place. girls gotta start thinking critically about WHY they 'feel better' when they wear makeup and shave and get surgery and inject shit into their faces to dissolve whatever else. it's not a choice. you can still do it whilst acknowledging that these things don't exist in a vaccum and they're patriarchal ideas ingrained into both ourselves and society and doing them anyway doesn't make us bad people because its literally not our fault and it's really fucking hard to unlearn and undo and being honest and NOT willfully ignorant and faux feminist abt it is gonna help other girls way more than whatever the fuck we're doing now. NO plastic surgery shouldn't be fucking normal. beauty standards should not be so engraved in public consciousness and all-consuming to the point people feel unworthy if they aren't meeting the standards of beauty. NO women don't "HAVE" to shave, no one is forcing their hands BUT the social pressure to concede and shame around it is really powerful and makes us anyways. Like this is driving me fucking crazy. The blind fucking feminism of being like 'ugh if a woman wants to wear makeup she can you're taking her autonomy!!!!!! it's abt CHOICE!!!!!! I ALWAYS feel better when I shave and that's just MY preference so I do it' like how about acc taking a single second to think abt what ur saying and realise that you feel better about wearing makeup and shaving because that's what's expected of you and by doing so you're fitting nicely into the mould society made for us all to fit into and no women are BuLLyInG you or jUdGiNg yOuR pReFeReNcEs or being misogynistic somehow for 'not respecting feminine women' we're all fucking brainwashed and trying to just support other women in ways that aren't just encouraging them to hide and distort themselves like saying you don't need plastic surgery baby you're fine as you are is now seen as being like OH SO YOURE AGAINST WOMEN MAKING THEIR OWN CHOICES TO PERMANENTLY ALTER HER FACE IN PURSUIT OF BEAUTY STANDARDS THAT ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE EVERY DECADE? SHAME ON U. Instead of being like yea get that potentially harmful procedure to feel better abt urself idk...I prefer for women to take steps to love themselves in their OWN skin they already have and steer them away from living under the oppressive weight of social expectations and I still shave and I still wear makeup sometimes and I still like to look nice and dress up but I'm also trying to unlearn the NEED to do this to feel worthy and talk to other women about the reality too and not just sit back and watch all of this get normalised and accepted from ppl being like its 'none of my business' because YES thats true but also arent yall fucking sad thay this is the reality plaguing your fellow women? Dont u just wanna be something a little different and tell her her natural nose is fucking gorgeous (bc it is) and its all very complex and I prefer being honest about why I do what I do and not just pretending and trying to gaslight myself I to thinking this is my choice and that I would still choose to shave my entire body of my own accord if I didn't have someone whispering in my ear constantly that if I don't im not a real woman or I'm unclean etc etc ???????????? i love and empathise x100 my fellow women but some of yall so fucking irritating and give me genuine headaches. Get real queens xoxo

7 notes · View notes

rachrar · 2 years

Text

Let's Meet Pun!

A changeling with a fondness for sex, gold, and glory, in that order.

Pun was the first of his kind (changeling), but was not a natural creation. His "father" was a awakened mimic wizard, part of a large, black market corporation. Pun, then named Glaukos, was not the only creation his mimic "father" made, Pun's "brothers" being an Aberration and a Doppelganger, all the first of their species.

Growing up as a specimen was miserable, though Vinnie (Pun's father) did legitimately care about them and love them. Pun was the golden child, as much as a laboratory specimen could be, and as a result got the majority of Vinnie's attention, giving Pun a great people sense. Pun instinctively watched people, learning how to interact by copying their actions and words, learning that he could do so much more than simply copy people. He could become them.

With this newfound knowledge, Pun broke out of his captivity as a young teen and struck out in the world, hoping to find a path of his own, taking a new name that better fit him: Pun. His father knew, and did not pursue— he had problems of his own that needed tending, including getting out of that corporation, but Vinnie's story is for another time. Pun, a poor and sheltered child, did not know how to find safe employment, and with his changeling skills, he went for the most profitable and easy path; thievery. He joined a Thieves’ Guild, working through them rather lazily and pushing boundaries, knowing that his unique abilities made him hard to replace.

He gained a boyfriend when he was 15— but it was not a good relationship. His boyfriend, Victor, was a human man of 20 who took great pleasure in grooming Pun into exactly what he wanted Pun to be. Pun, already feeling abandoned when his father didn’t try to find him, latched onto the man with all the eager gullibility of a teenager, his sense of self and life revolving around the man.

Victor was a subtle worker, taking Pun’s confidence in himself and breaking him down bit by bit with casual, patient barbs. It was a death of a thousand cuts; statements like “it’s alright, Pun… Nobody can expect someone without ears to hear anything anyway” were common and only got meaner. As their relationship progressed over the next few years, the backhands became more and more cruel, culminating in making Pun afraid to show his real, natural face, deeming it the face of a “gross little maggot.” Victor was quick to gaslight Pun and played sweet with him in private, praising Pun for “looking so pretty for him” when Pun borrowed one of the boyfriend’s random and ever changing lusts.

It took multiple years before Pun began to realize how cruel the relationship was, and then only when the abuse became more and more overt. Physical backhands for “speaking out of turn” were the norm and rape under the guise of “you never say no anyway, so shut up, you know crying makes me sad” were the only sexual activities they had at that point. Pun’s joy, quality of life, or pleasure was never considered important or even worthy of being entertained. Even other members of the Thief's Guild looked uncomfortable and awkward, and they were hardly paragons of morality, often more stabby than talkative.

It came to a head in their final mission together. It was a joint effort to sneak into a minor noble’s bedroom and steal away an heirloom, and for their skill at that point it should not have been as difficult as it was. Before the mission, however, Pun had been abused quite thoroughly, along with the accumulating aches and declining mental state. His balance was off due to weak legs, his voice was hoarse because his throat hurt, and bruises littered his body. He was in no condition for something as intense as the guards that rushed out, having been tipped off.

Pun was the look out, hiding on a roof nearby after actually capturing the heirloom, watching as his boyfriend was apprehended by the guards. Pun clutched the bag to his chest, watching and unsure of what to do. He wanted to help Victor. But he also desperately wanted to run away, afraid of both Victor and the guards, and not sure which he feared most. He knew that the moment he did leap into action to defend his boyfriend, he would be overwhelmed in the same way. But if he didn’t and Victor managed to free himself, he would look for Pun and punish him afterwards. There was no winning.

With the ache of his body weighing on him, the abuses piling up and weakening him, his emotions dulled from the pain he had endured, he couldn’t move to do anything. He was going to lose out either way, and the guards gave him at least one out, and at that, one that would end the other danger. Hope bloomed in him, a weak and flickering flame, that he might actually escape the hell his relationship and life had become.

His perch on the edge of the building was hard to balance on, and with that minor hope in his chest, Pun stepped back, denying Victor his help. Victor howled in fury, swearing curses and promising dire consequences if he was not released. The guards were less than amused with Victor’s struggling and fighting. After a minute of trying to force Victor to give in, the guards’ patience wore out. They were not city guards, but mercenaries, and had been authorized for any actions providing it protected the noble they served. Their tolerance for bullshit was low, and with the trouble he had been causing, along with making a solid few hits on the guards when defending himself, the guards stopped trying to hold back.

Pun watched a dagger slam into his boyfriend mid scream, cutting his yelling off immediately into choked gasps. Pun pulled his hood up, vowing right there and then to never give anyone that kind of power over him again.

Pun took his now ex-boyfriend’s face to be his most often used human disguise. Though he fiercely hates him, the sting of bittersweet love there once was couldn’t be forgotten. There had still been moments of joy between them, and though he was aware of how horrible the relationship was, emotions made little distinction in what should be and what was. Pun got no true sense of closure, only a violent and abrupt ending to the relationship, and it left him adrift for a time, not knowing who or what he really was.

He broke away from the guild and searched for a purpose of his own making, refusing to obey anyone else or be tied down with any sort of commitment. After all, if he didn't care about anyone, nobody would care about him, and that meant nobody could hurt him again. Pun did many things to get by, including theatrics, acrobatic shows, even some musical shows, but never really found his groove. Pun eventually went to a brothel and offered his services, and found peace in the easy money to be had by pretending to be someone else and spreading his legs. Naturally, the brothel wanted to keep him as a permanent member, and after an uncomfortable altercation with the house mistress, Pun left to wander the world.

Now, he sells his skills as a thief and assassin as easily as he sells his body, shameless in his own desires and urges. He does not value himself highly, and as such puts himself into sketchy situations often just to prove to himself that he can get out of them. His spite keeps him going most days, and the mental numbing combined with physical pleasure keeps him going the rest.

Art Credit: Naut

#Everia: Pun #Trigger Warning #Rape #mention #Self Destructive Behavior #Everia: Introduction #Everia: Vinnie #writeblr #writing

5 notes · View notes

sleepingwithinkink2-0 · 2 years

Text

Lost Log # 97 Time Warp

Lost in the folds of time .. time seems infinite in this loop .. This funk I've been in for what seems like years..... In a daze beneath street lights, trying to find answers in the man made lights ..that keeps me relatively safe from harmful strangers...but not from my mind...

...At times I hate how my brain works...What i've done to it..through the still quiet nights unintentionally picking at the wires nervously..

.No one knows how I tend to over think things at times .. question my actions days later, knowing they are already forgotten by strangers, feeling like a burden amongst friends...what a fucking mess...

I try to move on from the idea we could be more than words...Yet I don't have the motive to let someone in ... They start off good at times I find myself clicking and seeing a potential, but I slip and relapse my head lost in the clouds, days gone and I can't recall the days of the week...

In a sense they don't matter , time is irrelevant yet to remain sane in society it matters and so I try to hold on to the metal hands of Father Time, cutting my palms to shreds

Wrist bruised...

For what....

For what purpose.,

To look sane

When I already know my brain is fractured...

I think that's why I keep you alive pressed between these sentences like flowers .. I'm afraid to lose you and yet I m terrified I ll always keep falling for you . Stuck between the silence you deemed worthy and your own anxiety.... I m not even sure what we are any more two acquaintances that know each other better than those we call friends...

Perhaps these potential partners aren't right for me. I think lot of people are just lonely ... Or perhaps I've been traveling alone too long, and I forgot how to properly keep a conversation going without talking about random thoughts and things that fascinate me or better yet I over think of the what comes with a relationship and it just seems exhausting at best and I just don't try as much as I could... I refuse to give my time and effort to someone I m not passionate about..That isn't passionate about me... I can tell after the first couple days if it's worth it

And to be honest most times it isn't...

I like being free.. but I hope some day someone is willing to tame me.. To take the time to understand me. To ask me why I do the things I do and they still let you be free ... That's when you know someone loves you..

Some nights I wonder if it exist.. If I m still that child listening to fairy tales.

Head in the clouds watching knights fight.. princesses falling in love....but I know it does exist...because of you...falling for you..proves that it exist even if it's just a boy who loves a girl... I've never been so excited to learn something new about you.. to hear your thoughts as wild and crazy as they seem.. To watch you fishing, knowing your thoughts were every where but in that moment by the way the lines of your face align and how your eyes look.. how quiet it gets ..

I know that I could observe anyone, but I know your thoughts fit inside how I think and that makes all the difference..

As I'm writing , parts of my brain tissue finds it's way inside the fibers . I realize your the person I would continue to give my time to without feeling like it was a waste..

Which seems like everything I do is a waste...

But nothing in the moments are a waste ..because we are breathing and making conscious choices...

-Danny Sheehan

08.6.22

1:11am

#space cadet #space station #Sorry #lost log

2 notes · View notes

keefwho · 1 year

Text

June 21 - 2023 Wednesday

7:16 AM

I’m extremely tired, I got to bed 2 hours late because I couldn’t sleep. I’ve never felt such a profound uneasiness and I can’t remember the last time I legitimately wasn’t able to sleep. I also didn’t feel like I was getting enough air for part of that time so maybe I was having a mild panic attack of sorts.

This morning I’m diving into defusion techniques and trying to better identify what actual thoughts and feelings are consuming me. I’ll have to be on the lookout for this all day, especially with how tired I am. Whenever I start to feel specific distress, I will put it here.

Here’s one, thinking my friend doesn’t want to talk to me despite actively starting a conversation. If I had to put it into words, it might be something like “She is bothered by me, I should stop replying.” If I imagine that thought on a cloud, I can watch it drift away naturally because just like clouds, thoughts have no substance and will come and go.

Here’s another, thinking that in order to keep anyone around, I have to give them my full attention or they will immediately start slipping away. “If I don’t provide for this person, they will have no use for me and leave.” I’ve had this problem for as long as I can remember. It’s why I’ve never had more than 2-3 friend at a time, 3 being the max. Everything in my life is like this in fact. If I “have” something, I feel the need to stay on top of it with constant attention or else it will start to suffer. It’s very limiting to everything that I do. It’s hard to understand how some people seem to bounce from one thing to another. Here’s a different exercise, I’m trying to give each one a try even if I don’t like it like the cloud one. I like this one more. If I file that thought away as if doing so on a computer, I might put it in the “doubting” folder. I’m doubting that someone likes me and is here to stay. I’m doubting that I’m worthy enough to have their affection without needing to give as much as I do.

Another one. I deeply doubt my ability to improve myself. “I cannot change.” “I cannot get better.” “I will stay stuck where I am and slowly lose everything I have.” More doubting thoughts. This time I can click the (x) on all these little thought windows. Like pesky ads they pop onto my brain monitor and I am able to make the effort to close them if I want to.

Another, I feel like I need to delve into anything my friends want just so I can fit in. Like if one of them really likes a game or topic and recommends I look into it, I feel like I have to. “If I don’t conform to my friend’s interests, we won’t get along and they won’t like me.” I can visualize this one as a classic story with how it’s always being retold. The “Conforming” story about the boy who always felt like he needed to be just like his friends in order to have any. But what the boy needed was to realize that being unique is what made him interesting and it’s what made him fit in more than anything.

Another. I fear that no one will want to put up with me if they know I’m going through such deep rooted problems. This might stem from my disdain towards strangers that trauma dump or people that make their entire personality based around their problem. I don’t want to be either of those things. I don’t necessarily have to share things with everyone I meet but I wanna make sure I’m not hiding anything either. I also feel like people just *know* and will want to distance themselves from me. But they don’t know anything without me telling them. The thought for this might be something like “No one will want to associate with me, my issues are unattractive and will push others away.” If I observe this thought like a movie, can I watch it without getting lost in it? It’s easy for attention to be grabbed by a screen. I can’t remember how many times my mom would be watching literally anything on the TV while in the middle of something else and completely tuning it, looking at it like a deer caught in headlights. I easily fall into the that trap in my mind but maybe I can bring myself to look away from the screen when I catch myself.

8:52 AM

Another thought. I fear when my friends hang out with other people, especially IRL, that they will find better friends and I will be forgotten. This is another doubtful thought. I think I’m most fond of the folder organizing method so I’ll keep doing that. This one goes into the “doubting” folder because I’m doubting my value as a long distance friend. I’m also doubting my friend’s commitment to me which is unfair to them. I want to feel nothing but happiness that they can go out and do what they enjoy. It’s wrong of me to think that it is at my expense.

2:33 PM

I’m trying to identify any thoughts that bring my anguish so I can evaluate them and put them aside. I feel bad right now but I’m having a hard time picking why. I know I’m afraid of this weekend because of how I know my mind will wander if I don’t keep up with it. I’m afraid I’ll be alone. “This weekend will be lonely” might be it. “I’ll do the same thing I always do and it will cause me pain.” “I cannot change or improve.” “I will lose my friends like this.” “I will be my own downfall, creating negative self fulfilling prophecies.” These are the kinds of things I’m thinking. So many stories I’ve come to tell myself. The story of someone named Keith in Montana who is stuck in his own head, pushing people away not because they want to get away from him but because he can’t let them get close. But it’s just a story, it’s not real. I can stop reading it, I can close the book and get back to reality. The truth is I am human and humans can change. I’ve seen people change. I know what I want and it is possible to find healthy routes to get it. The first step is detaching from thoughts that are constantly holding me back. It’s getting distance from the debilitating mindset I’ve caught myself in. It runs very very deep so it will be a long road.

4:19 PM

I’m having thoughts like “If they don’t message me as much as I expect, they must not like me.” Or “If they don’t reach out as much as I reach out to them, they want to get rid of me.” Again, pure assumptions and ones that place doubt on the commitment of my friends. It’s not fair to them to believe this. I’ll put these in the *doubtful* folder.

5:03 PM

Another thought. “I shouldn’t want company so badly.” I keep limiting my capacity to feel by thinking it must be coming from an unhealthy place. It is possible that can happen but I’ve evaluated that desiring company from my favorite person right now is not unhealthy. It’s just my perfect scenario. I’m doing okay on my own but this experience could be elevated by someone cozy. Especially with how tired I am. I want to be with someone I can be vulnerable with and just be together. That is a valid desire of mine. That being said, it’s also okay if it can’t happen right now. A lot of things could be more perfect, not that right now is bad. Maybe I can put this thought in a “chastising” folder or something. I’m more or less punishing myself for potentially feeling something bad when in fact I am feeling in a healthy and valid range.

Another thought. “I cannot be loved. I will always be alone. I don’t deserve affection.” I’m severely doubting myself here. This stems from the deep belief that I am inherently a loser. It’s almost impossible for me to imagine that I could be happy with friends or with a partner that loves me. Even now while realizing how I feel, I can’t visualize that. It makes social situations feel pointless because I only believe they will end in failure. But it’s another fictional story. The story of Keith, who would never share love with anyone. It’s a sad story, but it’s not real. Sharing love takes trust and vulnerability, things I need to and will work on.

5:53 PM

I just KEEP thinking “They don’t like me, if they did they would message” over and over. I know this is an obsessive thought but I choose not to act on it. I’m trying to detach from this sort of thing because it’s completely made up by me because of my inferiority complex. It’s not REAL.

0 notes

ssplague · 3 years

Text

Alpha Bakugou & his “late bloomer” Omega Girlfriend 🌬🥀

Part Four:

“Plucked Petals”

Rated M

⚠️ SMUT, A/B/O themes (heat, knotting, ruts etc.), primal play, sub&dom themes, manipulation, animalistic sex (in a human body 😅), slight mention of toxic relationships.

***Keep in mind that the sex here is supposed to be primal; The dialogue is both limited and minimal because of the state of mind you are in (within the story). You’re in heat and desperate for some of that Alpha D (seeing as it’s the only thing that will give you relief) so naturally no intellectually stimulating conversation will be taking place here.

Honorable mentions: @gummiwormsandonedirection @nekee-lilac02 @veenasanada @satoooooruu @jazzylove @bakugoismisunderstood @sizzlingdonutturtlemuffin @miss-lilith

I let myself get behind on thanking each of you individually 😩 So please forgive me! I still GREATLY APPRECIATE each of your comments, they mean the fucking world to me. Seriously, you have no idea how each of you have made my day/evening at some point since uploading this story.

Part 5

🌹🍃🔥

The two adult women seated in the much too tiny chairs would have normally been something to laugh at. However, neither woman was in a laughing mood at the moment; One looked irked and the other rather unnerved, but at the same time her eyes shone with sympathy towards the young woman trying not to cower under the harsh glare of one Mitsuki Bakugou.

“What exactly did you need to talk to us about?” Mrs.Y/L/N asked kindly.

“What did that brat ruin this time? Can we get this over with please?” The blonde woman huffs, scowling even more than before.

“Ah right, I’m sorry! Well first of all I want to say; That both of your children are bright and incredibly talented, I enjoy working with them-“

The teacher is interrupted by a laugh from Mitsuki, “You don’t have to lie dear, I know what a little tyrant my son can be, enjoying working with ________ I believe, but not Katsuki”.

The teacher is lightly blushing as she resumes speaking, “I suppose that kind of ties in with what I want to discuss with both of you….the relationship between your children…”.

The mood of the room changed immediately, the tension in the air suddenly becomes palpable as both mothers sit up straighter, waiting for the younger woman to continue speaking. They’d had this exact conversation with each teacher that _______ & Katsuki had since grade 3, even though it’s been three years…this conversation never seems to get easier to have.

“Initially it surprised me how close the two of them seem to be, since Katsuki is umm…selective? When it comes to who he deems “worthy” of interacting with him” she pauses, swallowing nervously as she glances at Mitsuki. When the normally aggressive woman simply motions for her to continue the teacher is instantly relieved; “I’m aware of the fact that they’ve had an issue with scenting each other for the last few years….and even though a lot of people see it as something inappropriate or obscene, I believe it’s necessary at this point…let me better explain what I mean”.

“It’s unfortunate that when it comes to children like Katsuki, their biology makes it harder or difficult for them to properly fit into society. He’s strong, aggressive, and driven naturally; All that paired with his quirk, and his secondary sex as an alpha…Make it harder to rein himself in, so to speak. More often than not, the nature of these types of people is to seek out someone that’s able to do two distinct things; One is being able to put up with their abrasive personality, and two is the ability to even out their instabilities” all three ladies seemed to miss the pitter patter of a small set of feet coming down the hallway.

That afternoon _________ had been watching Katsuki play soccer, patiently waiting for this last game to end so the pair could start their walk home from school. Taking her eyes off the snarling blonde boy (risking the possibility of missing him shoot another amazing goal), she was surprised to catch sight of not just her own mother but his as well. The two women seemed to be in a hurry as they quickly entered the building and disappeared from sight. Turning her head and noticing that Katsuki was racing up the opposite way, ________ hopped off the bench and took off In pursuit of their mother’s.

The normally busy hallway was completely empty as __________ made her way towards where she’d briefly heard Mitsuki’s voice echoing. She was extremely curious to find out why both women had come here without informing either of their children. Once she got closer she began tip toeing; Her teachers voice was slowly becoming more audible now that she crept towards the partially open classroom door.

“-While she may be able to soothe and put a stop to his aggression, she will also be a direct cause of a lot of it…”

Was the teacher talking about her and Katsuki?

“A lot of these reported cases have ended in tragedy; usually a crime of passion, sometimes a complete misunderstanding. That’s not to say that a majority of these relationships don’t work out properly! It’s just something that will have to be monitored, you know?”

Tragedy? C-crime of passion? What did that mean??!

She felt sick and scared suddenly, making it a point to silently back away from the ajar door.

________ covered her ears all the way, she feared hearing anything more that her teacher had to say.

There is no way she could have been talking about us! We’re both going to be heroes! Heroes don’t commit crimes!

Heading out the double doors, you were too busy repeatedly reassuring yourself to stop the colison that occurred.

“Oh! im sorry! Please exc-Katsuki?”

“I was looking all over for you! The games over now, of course my team won! 37 to 14 HAH!”

He’s smirking while he yanks you up and onto your feet.

“No surprise” you say with a sigh, suddenly becoming interested with the shoes on your feet.

“While she’s able to soothe and put a stop to his aggression, she will also be a direct cause for a lot of it”

So you weren’t good to be around Katsuki?

The thought of distancing yourself from him made your chest hurt.

“Princess….what’s wrong?”

Somehow he always knows when something is bothering you…

“You don’t have to worry Suki, it’s noth-“

“Ah well look who it is! I’m surprised you two weren’t on your way home already!”

Katsuki immediately stiffened at the sound of Mitsuki’s voice. Turning around, you feigned surprise at the sight of both your mother’s exiting the school.

“What’re you two doing here?” You asked.

Your mother smiles and cheerfully says; “Oh nothing important, no need to worry! How would you kids like some ice cream?”.

👅🍦

Your omega immediately forces away the intrusive memory and grounds you back in reality. Katsuki is putting off such an intense and dangerous aura; Still being slightly rational at the moment, you can’t help but want to crawl away from him. Apparently he sensed your impending attempt at escape, and presses his hips into your ass.

“Awww no running away now Omega, not when you’ve finally got me so worked up and rearing to play” he teases while nuzzling his face against your neck “You don’t need to be afraid”. Katsuki’s always wandering hands are nothing new to you, his current ministrations are much more different than anything he’s subjected you to before today. Each place he touches leaves a trail of fire in its wake, and your not at all embarrassed when your tounge lolls out of your mouth as you begin to pant.

“Suki it’s s’hot….m’too hot” you whine, squirming in attempts to convey your discomfort.

“Too hot huh? How bout I cool you off then” he lifts his weight off you, shuffling backwards on the mattress. Using one hand to separate your legs, and the other to force you into a deeper arch. You startle when the tip of his touches just above your tail bone; Then slowly tracing up over the length of your spine, up the back of your neck and pausing to suck a bruise into each side. Once that’s done he settles back between your legs, pulling your bottoms down and lifting each leg out, he then flings them away. Pulling you backwards and into his lap, you look up at him curiously as he runs his hand down your tummy.

“I’ve been waiting a long time for this day y’know? I want us to throughly enjoy ourselves so ya need to be patient princess, that okay?” he makes a show of trailing each further down your pelvis, further succeeding in making you shake. “Y-yes s’okay” you stutter as the tale tale feeling of another heat wave makes your temperature start to rise. “Mmmm your about to slip aren’t you? Don’t fight it, just embrace it…we’ll go under together, it’ll be so much better that way”.

You didn’t understand.

“W-what do you m-“

“_________, you trust me right?”

“Of course! I-“

“Then let go”

His tone encouraging as his fingers caress your lower lips, slipping in between the wet folds. Your breath hitches, feeling your body beginning to tremble again. The heat coming off your skin is getting to be overwhelming, surely you’ll burst into flame any minute!

“C’mon baby, you’re so close! Just give into it, give in to me” he’s rubbing circles into your clit, while another continuously circles the outside of your hole “I’ll take care of you I promise omega”. You give him a shaky nod as your eyes close, focusing on the pleasurable sensations spreading through each of your limbs.

“Wait! You c-“ the sudden shout resounds around the walls of your skull, but another voice drowns out its attempted warning,

“We’ve waited long enough”. Your internal Omega pushes your conscience off to the side, taking her place at the forefront of your mind; “No more wasting time, from this point on all we need, all we want is Alpha”.

When you next open your eyes all you see is Katsuki; His scent is the only thing you can smell, the warmth where his skin touches yours is all you want to feel. A soft whine grabs his attention, words are no longer necessary: The two of you currently reside in a plane of existence that is ruled by feelings and instincts. At the end of the day, when you would lay back, relax, and let your mind wander, you often imagined what your first time would be like: Inside your head you’d envision some “anonymous” blonde haired man gently lowering your nude body down onto a bed and then lovingly kissing his way down the length of it. Showering you with compliments until your face burned with embarrassment as he prepared to enter the most intimate part of you.

This however….is NOTHING like that.

Tongue and teeth clash in a series of sloppy kisses, your hair is yanked back so the entirety of your throat is bared. Katsuki laves his tounge up and down each side, pausing to make sure a deep purple bruise marks your scent gland, like that of an X on a treasure map. His fingers get yanked out of you entirely too fast, you can feel the sudden emptiness in the depths of your soul. A pathetic whimper leaves you as your hips eagerly chase after his retreating hand. Only to be followed up with a loud Yelp, as a sharp slap is delivered to your pussy, it’s with a trembling lip you do your best to rasp; “Alpha…want your….cock…please!”.

Is that really too much to ask?

His cock is hard and aching as precum smears across your cheeks while he ruts against your ass. The black of his pupils has nearly swallowed the red of his irises, you’ve never seen him like this before. Moving out from behind you, he rolls you onto your back, and forces your legs apart to move himself between them. Peeking out beneath your heavy eyelids, you eagerly watch him coat his cock with your slick. Once its deemed good enough, he leans over you and that deep guttural voice in your ear makes you gasp.

“Wanted you from the first time I ever laid eyes on you omega…and now you’ll finally be all mine at last! No one can separate us anymore, and no one will ever take you from me…They’d have to pry you from my dead fuckin’ hands”

Tears fill your eyes at the thought of something so terrible, “No alpha, never say that!”.

The head of his cock bullies it’s way between your folds, and with no warning the tip is pressing into your tight hole. Slick accumulating at your entrance begins to dribble down his balls and cover your ass. The impressive size of his length is making it difficult for your body to accommodate such a large amount of mass into this tiny confined space. Your crying now as your nails rake down his back, he absolutely adores seeing you like this. “You can take it omega” he growls pressing a kiss to each eyelid as you continue to squirm and gasp. It’s a slow process, but eventually you are able to accept each of his inches. You’re joined together now, hip to hip as he enjoys the way his cock feels being snuggled up in the fit of your tight cunt.

Katsuki loves you so much, and that’s the only thing keeping him from brutally withdrawing and thrusting his hips. Your eyes open and you nod signaling him to start moving, he obliges. Slow and shallow at first, then you begin pushing back against him. The room fills with steam from the heat of your interaction; The only sounds you hear are of skin striking skin, panting, keening, growling, snarling.

“Mine!”

“Alpha”

“Omega”

Proper speech has long since eluded both you and him after an hour into your animalistic style romp. You were so far gone by the time things began winding their way towards the home stretch.

“P-please Al..pha…n-no…m-mo-more…c-cant..jus c-cant” you cry out in exhaustion.

“Yes you can! Just one more for me omega…”

“Noooo I can’t!”

A breathless drawn out moan follows your declaration as his fingers rub figure eights into your puffy abused clit. Katsuki’s thrusts become sloppy and swift as he puts you into a mating press. His cock now able to plunge into your previously unexplored depths with reckless abandon. This is it, the final thing, the MOST IMPORTANT piece of all this; To deliver the bite that will forever bind you to him. He’s seconds away from absolute bliss, it’s difficult to sound properly authoritative being as close as he is, so when he delivers the alpha command you don’t even notice.

“Cum for me Omega…cum again”.

The pleasure is white hot and blinding as it spreads from you to him. You feel the pulsing from the place his teeth had sunk in, but pain doesn’t accompany it. You no longer know where you start and he begins; His knot locks you and him together as your teeth sink into his skin. Both of you stare at each other, it’s unbelievable that you’d finally been able to accomplish this. The last thing you remember before falling asleep was telling your alpha how much you loved him.

The next few days passed in a similar fashion.

You were asleep when your classmates returned, but it wouldn’t have mattered because even if you hadn’t been, Katsuki wouldn’t let you near any of them. You sleep blissfully unaware of the weight that now accompanies your rash decision.

Your “new life” is about to begin!

Wether you like it or not….

💌

A/N: Originally, I had planned on concluding this here BUT with all the feedback I’ve received, I’m definitely going to be able to squeeze in a few more chapters before concluding this series. Expect some drama, & a much more detailed smut scene at the conclusion.

#katsuki bakugo #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugo katsuki #bakugou x reader #Katsuki bakugou #bnha omegaverse #alpha Bakugo #alpha bakugou #omega reader #Bakugo smut #Bakugo thirst #bakugou thirst #bakugou smut #Bakugo x reader #kinktober

801 notes · View notes

edenmemes · 3 years

Text

you - netflix sentence starters

more to be added. from season 1, season 2 and season 3.

❝ do you mind? uh, i’m in a hurry. ❞ ❝ my parents were assholes with the whole naming thing. ❞ ❝ you like a little attention. okay, i’ll bite. ❞ ❝ can we get real for a second? you have questionable taste in friends. ❞ ❝ is there more to you? ❞ ❝ you feel like you’re a piece of shit so you’re trying to be a hero. ❞ ❝ it was my mistake to trust in fate. ❞ ❝ i think i’m done being mad at you now. ❞ ❝ the things you do for love, right? ❞ ❝ do me a favor. focus on your own shit, okay? ❞ ❝ there are scary people in the world. ❞ ❝ i should’ve seen the signs. but we never do when we’re in love. ❞ ❝ aren’t you gonna tell me to have a nice day? ❞ ❝ you look like somebody just pissed all over your rainbow. ❞ ❝ sure you can’t come out with us? ❞ ❝ you were sleeping so deep, i didn’t want to disturb you. ❞ ❝ what are you gonna do about it? hmm? ❞ ❝ if someone sees me, if someone sees the real me, they’ll go away. ❞ ❝ sit down, and let me take care of you. ❞ ❝ this whole ‘nice guy’ act might work on other people. ❞ ❝ if the zombies come, there is where i’m hiding. ❞ ❝ you’re the smartest girl i know. ❞ ❝ i wish i knew what you’re thinking. ❞ ❝ i need to know that i can trust you. ❞ ❝ i do think i’d be happier if i was stupider. ❞ ❝ i figured you had some kind of night. ❞ ❝ it feels like i’m dreaming. ❞ ❝ ruining my life is not gonna save your life from demons. ❞ ❝ i’m sorry about earlier. i didn’t mean to get so upset. ❞ ❝ i could just be me, yet that somehow never feels quite good enough. ❞ ❝ make yourself at home. everyone here is friendly. ❞ ❝ i’ve read people wrong in the past. ❞ ❝ i felt this rage inside of me. like an animal made of teeth and fire. ❞ ❝ love is real, and i have more to give. ❞ ❝ what we went through...this shit stays. ❞ ❝ you know better, but you can’t stop. ❞ ❝ okay. it’s freezing out here. ❞ ❝ you would never hurt anyone. and that’s the truth. ❞ ❝ why do you look like someone hit with you on the head with a rock and threw you in the trunk of their car? ❞ ❝ tonight was just a setback. everyone has setbacks. ❞ ❝ unremarkable people don’t worry about being unremarkable. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to be disturbed. all right? ❞ ❝ am i just clenching my eyes shut against some truth i don’t want to face? ❞ ❝ it’s the old story: just thinking you’re right for someone, and you’re not. ❞ ❝ if you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be? ❞ ❝ let’s talk about something first, though. ❞ ❝ it is nice to be seen. ❞ ❝ you know, there’s so much more inside of you. ❞ ❝ file that away under ‘future problems’. ❞ ❝ there’s something wrong with you. i see it in your eyes. ❞ ❝ maybe a simple life isn’t so bad. maybe it’s what you need. ❞ ❝ these books are more alive, more worthy than most people i know. ❞ ❝ you need to get out of your head. ❞ ❝ i don’t want you to think of me like that. ❞ ❝ love is patient and kind. and so am i. ❞ ❝ i’m just saying...are you being your most amazing self right now? ❞ ❝ how exactly does one get rid of a body? ❞ ❝ that doesn’t make up for the damage you’ve done. ❞ ❝ sometimes, to survive, you have to show some teeth. ❞ ❝ i don’t think i have a lot in common with your friends. ❞ ❝ you really have nothing to be nervous about. ❞ ❝ let me out of here. i won’t say anything to anyone. ❞ ❝ whoever you are, you’re not a killer. ❞ ❝ i would beat this guy bloody for the way he talks about you. ❞ ❝ i told you, i don’t know who you are. ❞ ❝ what did i say? i told you not to come down here! ❞ ❝ i wish i had your confidence. ❞ ❝ was that pity? disgust? empathy? ❞ ❝ you know, i stole this dress to fit in. which is pathetic. ❞ ❝ why did you bring me here? ❞ ❝ if you want to kill me, what the hell are you waiting for? ❞ ❝ starting to think i’m some kind of magnet for dudes with serious issues. ❞ ❝ this isn’t your fault. dumb shit like this happens all the time. ❞ ❝ wow. you’re super in shape for an old guy. ❞ ❝ just let me know you’re okay, okay? ❞ ❝ what are you afraid of? ❞ ❝ let’s be clear, though, this is not a thank-you. ❞ ❝ if you see this place as a prison, that’s all you’re going to be, a prisoner. ❞ ❝ you’re a sweetheart. your family’s just a little...you know. ❞ ❝ well, everyone needs someone. ❞ ❝ i’m...falling in love with you. ❞ ❝ what did you love that makes you chase love so much? ❞ ❝ you can’t get away from yourself, moving one place to another. ❞ ❝ you seem like you’re doing a little better. ❞ ❝ you don’t think i’m a monster? ❞ ❝ i think only an idiot tries what you just pulled. ❞ ❝ well, consider me disturbed. ❞ ❝ if you call me ‘babe’ again, i’m gonna stick you in the oven. ❞ ❝ i don’t know, i’m afraid this won’t work. ❞ ❝ now that’s a sign, right? you’re jealous. ❞ ❝ can’t things just be simple for once? ❞ ❝ i’m not the vindictive type ❞ ❝ i know you’re making this up to impress me. ❞ ❝ i know there is a good heart in there somewhere. ❞ ❝ ride with me. it’s the least i can do. ❞ ❝ you paint me up to be this monster. ❞ ❝ why would you do that? why? ❞ ❝ the more i see of you, the harder it is to see you clearly. ❞ ❝ within minutes, i knew...i’m in a strange land. ❞ ❝ you okay? are you all right? can you stand up? ❞ ❝ sorry. i just...i lost my place. ❞ ❝ just something happier, for a change, might be nice. ❞ ❝ some people are assholes, and you just have to realize that. ❞ ❝ there’s nothing that we can’t fix, okay? ❞ ❝ that’s not how the world works. ❞ ❝ i’m happy to share all my secrets. ❞ ❝ what can i say? we all have baggage. ❞ ❝ i’m going to help you get the life you deserve. ❞ ❝ i’m not always like this. ❞ ❝ it’s not easy. it’s hard. sometimes it makes me sick. ❞ ❝ you must run and hide, for the hunter seeks. ❞ ❝ what if you just stayed the night? just in case anything happens. ❞ ❝ how do you see things so clearly? things i can’t even see for myself? ❞ ❝ fathers are the worst. it’s like their job is to mess us up. ❞ ❝ i’m sorry. i know the truth hurts, but i have to set you free. ❞ ❝ what am i supposed to do, root for your failure? ❞ ❝ if you don’t believe in me, just say so. ❞ ❝ i’m sorry it had to come to this. ❞ ❝ i should’ve trusted my gut. i should’ve known it was too good to be true. ❞ ❝ i should kill you. i should kill you right fucking now. ❞ ❝ you made me feel like you really saw me. ❞ ❝ i barely recognise myself anymore. ❞ ❝ i don’t give a shit! you threw me under the bus! ❞ ❝ you don’t owe me anything, okay? ❞ ❝ look, i’m a good person. or, maybe i’m not, but i’m trying. ❞ ❝ i’m just trying to figure out how to focus when all i want is you. ❞ ❝ if this is the fruit of your imagination, there’s no telling what horrors you’re capable of. ❞ ❝ i’m running. i’m a runner now. ❞ ❝ if you have any self-respect, you’ll come in here, and we’ll speak like adults. ❞ ❝ oh, i wish i was a killer. this’d be much less complicated. ❞ ❝ you know who my father is? ❞ ❝ please don’t put me in the middle of this. ❞ ❝ hard not to stare, right? ❞ ❝ i think you love it! the power, you love it! ❞ ❝ there’s not a line in the world i wouldn’t cross for you. ❞ ❝ i owe you an apology. you were right. ❞ ❝ you didn’t exactly rush to my defense. ❞ ❝ it’s okay if things are hard sometimes. ❞ ❝ i’m not bothering you, just checking in. ❞ ❝ how’d you know i write poetry? ❞ ❝ i can’t stand seeing this. i’m sorry. i just can’t. ❞ ❝ i just need to know who you really are. ❞ ❝ i thought we said we weren’t gonna do that anymore. ❞ ❝ you know i’d do anything for you. don’t forget that. ❞ ❝ you are burning through that book, aren’t you? ❞ ❝ you can still be a good person, and have a really good life. ❞ ❝ why is coming home such a chore for you? ❞ ❝ i’ve been learning a lot since i met you. ❞ ❝ you don’t even know what to say, do you? ❞ ❝ why don't we spend the day together tomorrow? just you and me? ❞ ❝ candidly, it’s the least appealing thing about you. ❞ ❝ hmm, you're not the standard insecure nymph. ❞ ❝ honestly, you blow me away. ❞ ❝ you really are capable of keeping a secret. ❞ ❝ whatever this is, it’s not too late to stop it. ❞ ❝ go on. listen to your gut. ❞ ❝ who the hell are you to tell me that i have daddy issues? ❞ ❝ find that brilliant badass inside of you, and believe in her. ❞ ❝ i believe in love at first sight. i had it with you. ❞ ❝ you can always count on me. ❞ ❝ you’re not trying to be anything than what you are. you’re just you. there’s not an ounce of falseness in you. ❞ ❝ i like who i am with you. ❞ ❝ good morning. this is my favourite time of day. ❞ ❝ you were just trying to help me see that i’m full of shit. and you were sweet. ❞ ❝ you drool in your sleep. so cute. ❞ ❝ sorry i didn’t call. is it okay if i come in? ❞ ❝ i keep waiting for you to be you again. ❞ ❝ just go. leave me alone. i’m serious. ❞ ❝ this right here, is the most important place in the world to me. ❞ ❝ i don’t know what i would’ve done without you. ❞ ❝ people. they’re easy to fool. ❞ ❝ if i didn’t know better, i’d think you were hiding something. ❞ ❝ i will do anything for my friends. and do i hide behind them? yeah. ❞ ❝ look, i apologise if i crossed the line. ❞ ❝ maybe i’m just a fool in love, but i’m right about you. ❞ ❝ i’m not always right. i’m human. i make mistakes. ❞ ❝ maybe if you’re not too busy, we could get a drink sometime? ❞ ❝ no, please. you don’t have to give me anything. ❞ ❝ at the end of the day, people really are disappointing, aren't they? ❞ ❝ you sound apologetic, like you're embarrassed to be good. ❞ ❝ you want to be seen, heard, known. ❞ ❝ was all this for nothing? ❞ ❝ if there is ever, for a moment, a tiny voice in your head, and that tiny voice is telling you ‘i deserve better’, listen to them. that’s your partner. ❞ ❝ okay, whatever. i’m done. ❞ ❝ what the hell are you looking at? ❞ ❝ you know what? stop. you’ve no idea what you’re talking about. ❞ ❝ okay. it’s freezing out here. ❞ ❝ people do not owe us a guarantee that they will never change. ❞ ❝ i would absolutely kill for you. ❞ ❝ believe me, i’m the king of unresolved family issues. ❞ ❝ that’s what you do. lie, so your life looks better. ❞ ❝ you’re so your mother. only less subtle. ❞ ❝ okay, so i hate to admit, but you were right. ❞ ❝ i guess i was hoping i could make the world a better place. ❞ ❝ you fall for the wrong men. you let them in. you let them hurt you. ❞ ❝ you are too busy living out moments you won’t remember five years from now. ❞ ❝ what you really need is someone to save you. ❞ ❝ your father was inconsistent, and you’re still healing from that. ❞ ❝ what’s going on? what’re you doing out here? ❞ ❝ what happened? did they hurt you? ❞ ❝ you don’t get all that goodness and possibility with zero risk. ❞ ❝ sometimes i wonder if i understand love at all. ❞ ❝ the first step to fixing something is to know no matter how destroyed it seems, it can always be saved. ❞ ❝ this place is...musty. ❞ ❝ there’s a monster inside every person, all too easy to feed. if you make it strong, it will take over. ❞ ❝ why so weary? why so scared to be seen? ❞ ❝ hey, should i open another bottle? ❞ ❝ i made mistakes, yes. and i'll learn from them. ❞ ❝ you act nice because you’re not. ❞ ❝ friends support each other. ❞ ❝ you will never get me to say i didn't do everything i could for you. ❞ ❝ you've actually lost a lot of blood today. ❞ ❝ if there’s any justice in the world, you are the reward for all my suffering. ❞ ❝ no, no. i got it. i’ll take care of you. ❞ ❝ you’re not afraid someone will hurt you. you’re afraid you’ll hurt them. ❞ ❝ i love our little routine. always the same, but never stale. ❞ ❝ god. everyone says that like it’s so easy. ❞ ❝ what can i say? smells of the city. ❞ ❝ i try not to hurt you, you try not to hurt me. ❞ ❝ i don’t know. it sounds like a lot. i’m kinda tired. ❞ ❝ i understand that some things are harder than others to write about. ❞ ❝ i pass the time by counting down to the next moment i see you. ❞ ❝ i don’t like to mess with other people’s lives. ❞ ❝ by the way, this outfit is really working on you. ❞ ❝ it wasn’t supposed to end like this. ❞ ❝ the best ideas are always the ones that slip away. ❞ ❝ for the record, i don’t hate you. ❞

❝ when this is all over, let’s go away somewhere. just you and me. ❞ ❝ if i wasn’t so blinded by love, i would’ve seen this secrets right in front of me, waiting to be uncovered. ❞ ❝ not to be corny, but...baking is how i express my love. ❞ ❝ i just...i get weird with blood. ❞ ❝ you are 100% disqualified from giving me relationship advice. ❞ ❝ sometimes we do bad things for the people we love. ❞ ❝ god, i’ve missed you. ❞ ❝ i’ve done business with bad people. you’re not one of them. ❞ ❝ becoming a better person is way more aggravating than i thought. ❞ ❝ it’s tragic not to be able to show who you really are. ❞ ❝ i haven’t been this relaxed in weeks. ❞ ❝ it’s safer if you don’t know, okay? ❞ ❝ it’s weird how powerful vulnerability can feel. ❞ ❝ easy, easy, you’re gonna hurt yourself. ❞ ❝ half-truths just end up getting me burned so i should lie. ❞ ❝ being attracted to very smart women is a double-edged sword. ❞ ❝ you’re my family. i’d die for you. ❞ ❝ you...do bad things when you feel bad. ❞ ❝ pain...it can make people truthful. ❞ ❝ you know you can always count on me to say the wrong thing. ❞ ❝ hey, is someone harassing you? ❞ ❝ we have a connection. something deep. ❞ ❝ does that mean it was right to kill him? ❞ ❝ you’re going to get through this. ❞ ❝ how long have you been obsessed with me? ❞ ❝ you’re still mad at me. i get that. ❞ ❝ is this rock bottom? because it sure feels like that. ❞ ❝ you gonna tell me what happened to your face? ❞ ❝ come lay down. you look dizzy. ❞ ❝ i can’t ask that of you. ❞ ❝ i just need to patch up, focus, get back in the game. ❞ ❝ i wasn’t hiding, i swear. ❞ ❝ you’re lucky. the bullet only grazed you. ❞ ❝ maybe together, we can keep the monsters at bay. ❞ ❝ i’ve always had a complicated relationship with my own existence. ❞ ❝ it’s not like you can say you didn’t see this coming. ❞ ❝ we can walk away from this. we can do that. ❞ ❝ i can’t believe you. you just use people! ❞ ❝ the beauty that does exist in this world is fleeting and insincere. ❞ ❝ i’ve been a lot to handle lately, and i want to make it up to you. ❞ ❝ should i be preparing last words? ❞ ❝ i did a bad thing today. but for a good reason. ❞ ❝ it’s over. what’s done is done. ❞ ❝ it’s a horrible feeling to know things have gone wrong and there’s nothing you can do to change it. ❞ ❝ are you okay? you look a little... ❞ ❝ tell me the truth, and we can get through anything. ❞ ❝ you’ve just been hard to read lately. ❞ ❝ grief isn’t a straight line. ❞ ❝ i’m not one of those people who are obsessed with the past. ❞ ❝ if we don’t have trust, we have nothing. ❞ ❝ would you rather do something and be wrong or do nothing and be wrong? ❞ ❝ i knew something was off about you, and i was right. ❞ ❝ i know your family. i know how they are. ❞ ❝ i could metaphor circles around you all day. i have great metaphors. ❞ ❝ i’ve never felt this way before, where you love the bad things about someone as much as the good. ❞ ❝ it’s funny how fate works. ❞ ❝ some people deserve to die. i’m sure you had your reasons. ❞ ❝ i’m hiding shit. i am hiding what a complete, ugly mess i am. ❞ ❝ you’re just gonna abandon me when i need you the most? ❞ ❝ be an adult, okay? take a little responsibility. ❞ ❝ you really think that i am that dumb? that i don’t know what you’re capable of? ❞ ❝ do not talk for a minute, please. ❞ ❝ some people, they get what they deserve. some people don’t. ❞ ❝ i am not a hero. believe me. ❞ ❝ you didn’t let go of my hand the entire way home. it feels good. ❞ ❝ do not leave me in this abyss where i cannot find you. ❞ ❝ this is the nicest thing anyone’s ever given me. ❞ ❝ my mind, it...it goes to the darkest places sometimes. ❞ ❝ i don’t like looking back. i don’t see the point of it. ❞ ❝ if you don’t deal with this, if you don’t face it, it will haunt you. ❞ ❝ i like watching you reach into your mind palace for random bits of information. ❞ ❝ hey. i needed to hear your voice. ❞ ❝ if you believe that i am capable of something like that... ❞ ❝ you and i don’t see the world the same way. ❞ ❝ you’re gonna feel better soon, okay? ❞ ❝ who knew sharing my darkest secrets would make me feel so light? ❞ ❝ i’ve never wanted someone to appear yet not appear so badly. ❞ ❝ you make me weak. ❞ ❝ okay. it’s possible i’m the tiniest bit paranoid. ❞ ❝ the way you lie...effortless. like breathing. ❞ ❝ i want adventure. risk. ❞ ❝ real evil has to be dealt with. and you don’t do that by letting it live to take good people down. ❞ ❝ happily ever after is a myth, because people are not static. ❞ ❝ you're bleeding again. ❞ ❝ i know in my heart this is not you. ❞ ❝ i don’t know why i’m having these dreams. ❞ ❝ you deserve to be with someone who’s perfect for you. ❞ ❝ mmm...i think i know what you’re thinking. ❞ ❝ i can’t wait to see that dress on you. you have to try it on. ❞ ❝ i’m so glad we got away together like this. ❞ ❝ please move further away. ❞ ❝ i have no trouble doing bad things to bad people. ❞ ❝ you love damage so much, you made it your full-time job, and it turned you ugly. ❞ ❝ i’d sooner slam my nuts in a door. ❞ ❝ i meant it when i said i’ll make myself worthy of you. ❞ ❝ why don’t you tell me about your childhood? ❞ ❝ you invest nothing in this family. nothing. ❞ ❝ no offense, but you don’t strike me as the vigilante type. ❞ ❝ i am trying so hard to understand you. ❞ ❝ i learned every swear word in the book that day. ❞ ❝ i know, i get it if you are horrified and want nothing to do with me. ❞ ❝ do you hear yourself right now? ❞ ❝ who is the monster here? really, who? ❞ ❝ i’m always telling the truth. ❞ ❝ i’m closing my heart, like an out-of-business bookstore. ❞ ❝ every relationship teaches us hard lessons, right? ❞ ❝ there are days i just don’t believe in love. ❞ ❝ i’m just...not feeling so great all of a sudden. ❞ ❝ we’re a good team. i see that. ❞ ❝ run away with me. ❞ ❝ there are times i hate myself too. so much i can barely stand it. ❞ ❝ i have to believe our paths are destined to cross again. ❞ ❝ you act all pure and noble, like you have reasons for what you do when you do it. ❞ ❝ i really do believe that things happen for a reason. ❞ ❝ i see it everytime i look in your eyes. you’ve felt it. real love. real loss. ❞ ❝ people are nice, but...they can’t really fathom what i’m going through. ❞ ❝ it doesn’t take a genius to hunt someone if you really, really want to. ❞ ❝ it’s gonna be really fun fucking destroying you. ❞ ❝ it’s just you...and me. ❞ ❝ can you be a good father, if you are a bad man? ❞ ❝ find the people that get you. lean on them. ❞ ❝ i can’t completely cage what’s inside me. ❞ ❝ i know what i do will never be good enough for you. ❞ ❝ i love you. i can’t stand it. ❞ ❝ are you okay? this must hurt. ❞ ❝ any place is probably beautiful when you stop running for one second. ❞ ❝ do you have a nemesis? ❞ ❝ are you really who you seem to be? light and fearless? ❞ ❝ no offense, you look like you’re ready to puke. ❞ ❝ i just want to stop running. i want a home. ❞ ❝ you have a way with people. they just like you. ❞ ❝ i think i felt my soul come back into my body. ❞ ❝ our world is done for if we don’t think about that. how to be better. ❞ ❝ i’ve left so much behind. ❞ ❝ no matter how bad it is, you find a way to stay calm, and keep your wits. ❞ ❝ i have to believe love conquers all. ❞ ❝ it’s a chance to get back to who i really am. a quiet guy...who just wants to leave a quiet life. ❞ ❝ i’m not the bad guy here. ❞ ❝ i cannot afford to be predictable. my life depends on that. ❞ ❝ i think we have some unfinished business to talk about. ❞ ❝ you used to wrap yourself in fairytales like a blanket. but it was the cold you loved. ❞ ❝ you don’t love me. you never loved me. ❞ ❝ cover shit in gold, it’s just super shiny shit. ❞ ❝ drool a little more, it’s a good look on you. ❞ ❝ i can’t love again. i can’t risk it. it’s too dangerous. ❞ ❝ this is me, living without you. i don’t need you. ❞ ❝ actually, i think i’d rather save it for therapy. ❞ ❝ you complicated things by lying. ❞ ❝ you don’t need to yell. ❞ ❝ i’ll admit, it’s getting harder to live with so much heartbreak. ❞ ❝ are you following me? answer me right now. ❞ ❝ i’m asking you to take a leap of faith. ❞ ❝ this is my favourite time of day. when it’s just the two of us. ❞ ❝ i hope you didn’t start the fun without me. ❞ ❝ hi. you wanted to see me? ❞ ❝ when i’m with you, we’re the only two people on earth. ❞ ❝ you think i’m a fool? is that what you think of me? ❞ ❝ i’m really sorry i puked in such close proximity to you. ❞ ❝ we’re all a little broken. yet some pieces still manage to fit together. ❞ ❝ you’re a good person. you just do bad things sometimes. ❞ ❝ life just keeps kicking the shit out of you. ❞ ❝ you think everyone is damaged because you’re damaged. ❞ ❝ i could walk through fire for you. ❞ ❝ maybe it's not the best to make big decisions when you're grieving. ❞ ❝ you’ve been...off. you have been weird ever since we got here. ❞ ❝ oh my god. i’m alive. ❞ ❝ that’s the thing with tragedy. it makes you live for the now. ❞ ❝ you never know if you’re fight or flight until you’re forced to find out. turns out...i’m fight. ❞ ❝ i’m not afraid of you anymore. ❞ ❝ who you really are...the dark, that’s not a burden. you don’t have to push that away from me. ❞ ❝ you’re just saying that because you think it’s what i wanna hear. ❞ ❝ i’m sorry. i didn’t mean what i said. i’m an idiot. ❞ ❝ like the kids say: ‘fuck my life’. ❞ ❝ you’re more important than my pride. i’m sorry. ❞ ❝ ah, to be young. ❞ ❝ people are happier when they aren’t lying to themselves. ❞ ❝ we can still be honest with each other, right? ❞ ❝ oh, you mean the time you left me for fucking dead? ❞ ❝ i know you don’t want to kill me. ❞ ❝ this is not how i want to remember you. ❞ ❝ i can’t stop thinking of you. ❞ ❝ you are a lot of things...but you’re not stupid. ❞ ❝ fitting in is not always the worst. ❞ ❝ you need someone right now. no matter how cool you’re acting. ❞ ❝ nothing could ever make me see you different. ❞ ❝ i want to tell you everything and i will, soon, but for now... ❞ ❝ you are one fine specimen of a man. ❞ ❝ did you not get enough sleep last night? ❞ ❝ if this is my pack, i think i’m meant to be a lone wolf. ❞ ❝ why rush when we have the rest of our lives? ❞ ❝ is there anything i can do to support you? ❞ ❝ can your parents really be that bad? ❞ ❝ there are no time-outs in life. ❞ ❝ i need your advice, ‘cause you’re the only person that i actually trust. ❞ ❝ can you promise to be calm? ❞ ❝ it’s really hard to stand here and have a conversation with you, as though i’m not totally distracted by how much i want you. ❞ ❝ this is what i get for being a pacifist. ❞ ❝ whatever comes, we’ll get through it, together. ❞ ❝ my life makes sense now with you in it. ❞ ❝ you make me feel good. so good, i forget whatever darkness resurfaced in my sleep. ❞ ❝ i’ve only got more reason to get the hell out of here. ❞ ❝ is this party gonna get any more weird? ❞ ❝ thought that would get your attention. this shit’s romantic as fuck. ❞ ❝ if you look up ‘klutz’ in the dictionary, there’s a picture of me. ❞ ❝ you did lie, but you are still more authentic than half the fuckers i know. ❞ ❝ let’s focus on what is actually important here. ❞ ❝ with everything that happened, it felt like it was starting to get to me. ❞ ❝ you can put the bad things behind you. ❞ ❝ everything goes to shit when i don’t follow my instincts. ❞ ❝ i guess i’m bad at picking good people. ❞ ❝ but who takes care of you? ❞ ❝ okay, now you’re just playing with me. ❞ ❝ you’re at home in chaos, but something makes me think not by choice. ❞ ❝ did you just mansplain and patronize me in the same sentence? ❞ ❝ look at what you’ve done to me. ❞ ❝ why am i drawn to you? ❞ ❝ there is no trap so deadly as the trap you set yourself. ❞ ❝ you look scared, and it breaks my heart. ❞ ❝ there also must be some grain of truth because you look so pale right now. ❞ ❝ is an open door the same as an invitation to enter? ❞ ❝ i now truly understand the term ‘love of my life’. ❞ ❝ do you really think your story is gonna have a happy ending? ❞ ❝ i finally feel like i’m becoming a better man. ❞ ❝ let go of me. you’re hurting me. ❞ ❝ i really do see so much of myself in you. ❞ ❝ i’ve been worrying that my sins would be my undoing. ❞ ❝ look at you. you’re thriving. ❞ ❝ whatever you’re running from, we can figure it out together. ❞ ❝ answer my question, i’ll answer yours. ❞ ❝ once burned, i tend to cut my losses and move on. ❞ ❝ my name in your mouth is like poetry. ❞ ❝ i don’t need you, or anybody, to defend me or my honor. ❞ ❝ i’ve been biting my tongue for a long time. ❞ ❝ people like us don’t change. ❞ ❝ wow, when are you gonna grow up? ❞ ❝ i’m sorry tonight didn’t turn out as you expected. ❞ ❝ it’s creepy when you get quiet like that. ❞ ❝ do you have any idea how painful it is disappointing someone that perfect? ❞ ❝ am i losing my mind? ❞ ❝ and just like that, there you are. the woman i fell in love with. ❞ ❝ all i have left is to say goodbye to you. ❞ ❝ we’ve been through a lot in such a short period of time. ❞ ❝ you smell a little drunk, honestly. ❞ ❝ you don’t have to worry. i’m not stupid. ❞ ❝ you pretended like it wasn’t happening until it was too late. ❞ ❝ well, the sun’s already up. it’s beautiful. ❞ ❝ i can see how much you have on your shoulders. it’s a lot. ❞ ❝ i have never loved anyone like this before. ❞ ❝ i can’t believe you’re being so casual. ❞ ❝ we both had to learn how to survive really young. ❞ ❝ maybe i’ll stick around for a while, push my luck. ❞ ❝ we got a lot of catching up to do, buddy. ❞ ❝ what happened to your hand? ❞ ❝ now you come in here acting like some kind of hero? ❞ ❝ oh, you should see your face right now. ❞ ❝ who wouldn’t sell his soul for that? ❞ ❝ all i feel is rage. ❞ ❝ you’re not my homeland anymore, so what am i defending now? ❞ ❝ are you flirting with me? ❞ ❝ what, did i kiss you wrong? or... ❞ ❝ like i need your approval. the fuck? ❞ ❝ it’s like you’re not even trying, and yet, somehow you still try too hard. ❞ ❝ if anything, we can heal each other. ❞ ❝ who’s the man? i’m the man! ❞ ❝ how can you be so calm? ❞ ❝ sometimes we need to start over. completely. ❞ ❝ let me be clear. you fascinate me. ❞ ❝ good thing’s happen to people that are bad. ❞ ❝ everything’s better with a little whiskey. ❞ ❝ i’ve forged my way in the dark before, i can do it now. ❞ ❝ why are you looking at me like that? ❞ ❝ you are many things, but you are not a murderer. ❞ ❝ i have been having trouble reaching you. ❞ ❝ i'm such a fool. i’ve been distant, cruel. how can you ever forgive me? ❞ ❝ hey, not everything is a story, okay? ❞ ❝ i’m not entertaining your ego anymore. goodbye. ❞ ❝ you know i’m just trying to protect you. ❞ ❝ there’s evil everywhere in the world. ❞ ❝ i thought we could use a little date night. ❞

#roleplay meme #roleplay starters #rp meme #long post for ts /#i was unsure whether or not to make a post for each season but !!!!!! here we are #i've done all the starters for s1 and s2 im still doing s3 <3 so more will be added soon !!

300 notes · View notes

tetsunormous · 3 years

Text

Reencounters

pairing: Matsukawa Issei x f!reader

genre: college au, friends to lovers, smut (18+), fluff

word count: 6.5K

warnings: cunnilingus, fingering, vaginal penetration, unprotected sex, creampie, swearing, nipple play, pinning

A/N: This is for Ria's @bakugohoex's rich boy collab 💜 Congrat's on 3k!! thank you to @ohno-otome and @armins-futon for reading this for me. I love matsukawa but I don't write for him often so this has been really fun :)

Walking into your new dorm room, you weren’t sure what to expect. Sure, you’ve seen the pictures online, but there’s nothing like the slightly dusty window letting in a hazy ray of light shining down onto the slight dip in the middle of the mattress you now call your own. Your desk almost touched the corner of your twin-sized bed, and your new bookshelf barely has enough room to fit half of the books you brought, but this was your new life. It didn’t dawn on you just how different university would be until you arrived this morning, but here you were, unpacking all your clothes into the cramped closet in the corner. Luckily, you’re in the building where you had a single room. Privacy was something you were worried about, and the communal washrooms will be something to get used to, but either way, this was a new start, and no matter how nervous you are, you’re grateful for it.

High school wasn’t terrible, but it definitely wasn’t what you expected it to be. Going into it, you obviously knew that it would be nothing like how the movies depicted, but you were excited. How bad could those four years really be if you had your best friend right by your side? He was incredible. He understood you better than anybody else, would be able to tell how you were feeling without the exchange of words, but most of all, he was your person, and you were his.

There was no doubting that in all your years of friendship.

But alas, like all good things in life, they must come to an end.

The summer going into the twelfth grade, he was longer your best friend. The boy that would go to the farmers market with you and your mom every other Sunday was now lining up for the newest sneaker drop. The boy that would rather spend the night at home and binge-watch your shared comfort show for the seventh time is now out with the boys sneaking into shisha bars and doing donuts in the community centre parking lots with their new cars. You watched as he slowly forgot about you, getting caught up in his new friendships and obsessing over material items that he never cared about before. It’s not that you were upset he found new friends. It’s that the only time he would reach out was to randomly drop off something he had bought you in hopes it would make up for him blowing you off again.

They started small, simple sweaters he knew you would like, but the gifts became almost ridiculous as time passed. He would never let you return them either, so now you have designer shoes for imaginary banquets. Of course, you were always grateful, but you would trade all his gifts just to spend time with him again. His family has always been wealthy, they always went on lavish vacations and drove the nicest cars, but you never really cared about what he spends his money on or just how much his parents make. You cared that he saw you as a person he wanted to be with rather than just someone he could shove gifts towards to make up for the quality time he’d miss.

But now you’re here. You were arriving three hours before the suggested move-in time because you didn’t want to be rushed to unpack before orientation starts later. You’ve seen a few people walking around on your floor, but neither of your neighbours have arrived, and honestly, you don’t mind because that means you’re able to blast your music without worry. As The 1975 fills your room, you stand still for a second, really taking in where you are. You’re now attending one of the best schools in the country, living on your own with a floor of people you don’t know yet. It starts to sink in that you are starting anew. The people who end up in the rooms next to you might just end up being your lifelong friends. As the song comes to an end, you decide it’s time to try to make yourself look a little more presentable since it’s almost time for people to start rolling in.

...

It’s almost five in the afternoon, and everyone on your floor is meeting outside on the field for a quick introduction before group dinner. You’re sitting with your knees pressed to your chest as the girl next to you tries to make small talk. To be fair, she’s incredibly sweet, but you can’t focus on her because somewhere behind you, there is a voice you think you recognize. There’s no way he would be here. Sure, you have no idea what school he ended up choosing, but if he ended up here, he would’ve at least texted you. Right? Before you can confirm your suspicions, orientation starts, and your group leader is already talking with more energy than you can handle.

The group of guys settle down close by, and you can’t stop yourself from looking over, wondering if you’ll see the head of brown curls. Instead, you’re met with a bunch of frat boy looking wannabes that instantly make your eyes roll. To say you’re disappointed that you didn’t see him was so stupid. It’s been over a year, yet here you were, hoping to magically bump into him as if this was some cliche movie. If anything, it’s frustrating. It’s frustrating that even though he stopped caring for you, you still longed to see him, to hear him laugh at one of your cheesy jokes. It’s even more frustrating that this new start you’ve been looking forward to, makes you miss him even more.

There are only sixteen people on your floor, but introductions take a lifetime because someone didn’t come on time. When they finally do show up, you almost laugh at this whole situation because, of course, it was him. Of course, he was strutting down the courtyard in some brand new Gucci sneakers and the same Balenciaga sweater he had bought for you a few months ago. Of course, the annoying group of boys behind you gesture for him as he quickly apologizes to the group leaders. And, of course, when you make eye contact, he’s the one looking at you with a mixture of shock and annoyance.

Quickly rushing back to your room after the meeting, you decide you’re ordering in tonight so that you don’t have to see him for at least another day. This is all so fucked up. You wrack your brain trying to understand how probable this whole situation is because, frankly, it feels like a sick joke, and on top of it, he’s the one annoyed?

Naturally, you spend the rest of the night unpacking the rest of your things before ordering your comfort food to wash down all the feelings you’re experiencing. Putting on your favourite show, you begin your tenth rerun as you bury yourself in your blankets. Part of you feels so stupid for completely ignoring your initial dinner plans, but you knew with the mindset you had at the moment, there was no way you would have enjoyed yourself. It’s a bit silly you haven’t left your room since picking up your takeout, you don’t even know who lives beside you, but that’s a problem for tomorrow.

Slipping into your slides, you head towards the washroom with your little toiletry bag. You pass by the girl you were sitting with earlier, and she sends you a smile. After apologizing for disappearing all night she just laughs and assures you nothing happened. She even points out where her room is if you were up to hang out tomorrow during frosh activities.

Just this interaction makes you feel better, and you quietly hum along to the familiar tune coming from the shower stall.

He used to play this song all the time, claiming it spoke to him the first time he heard it. Since then, it became the song he would play anytime he’d come to pick you up, explaining how this song is special because the ending always reminded him of you. It didn’t matter how long it’s been since the two of you hung out. Every time you heard ‘Pluto Projector,’ it would always bring a smile to your face. You even tried to show the song to your ex-boyfriend, but he never paid attention to your suggestions. He always claimed that his music taste was better. Thankfully that relationship only lasted a couple of months, but still, the regret of not waiting for someone worthy lingers in your mind.

While applying your moisturizer, you hear the water shut, the person pausing the song right as the orchestra starts to come in. Worried about who you may run into, you quickly pack up your stuff. You hear the click of the lock, and as you turn around, you’re met with him, with his curly hair all damp and his obnoxious teal blue robe wrapped loosely around his waist.

Rushing past him, you briskly walk towards your room, but before you can close the door, his foot jams between the doorframe. He pushes his way in and quietly closes the door, only to be met with the unimpressed look on your face. He circles around your room, eyes searching for any trace of your past friendship before standing back at the door.

“What do you want, Matsukawa?” you ask impatiently. It’s bad enough you run into the one person you wanted to forget, but now he’s standing in your room with a matching frown.

Something indescribable flashes across his eyes, and you can visibly see his frown deepen at your question. Leaning against your door, his arms come up to rub over his face, peeking at you through his fingers before letting out a long sigh. “When did I become Matsukawa? I thought I was Issei.”

You can’t help the chuckle that escapes your lips, and you realize how childish your grudge might be, but he has changed, and the man standing in front of you isn’t the same man you once called your best friend. “When you changed, Matsukawa. Issei was my best friend, and YOU are not.”

His eyes filled with confusion as his eyebrows furrow, taking a step forward towards you. “I’m sorry? I tried to stay in touch with you. You’re the one that stopped talking to me, so I’d try to send you things instead. How was I the one who changed?”

You stand there, staring at him for a second before shaking your head. “I can’t do this right now; I want to have a good day tomorrow, so I need to go to sleep. Please, leave my room.”

His eyes soften a little, and you can see a faint glimpse of his infamous lazy smile, “We both know you’re not going to be sleeping anytime soon,” he stalks over and kicks his slides off before sitting at the end of your bed. “Let’s talk about this because, frankly, I’m tired of watching you decide if you hate me every time you see me.”

The nerve of this man. The fact that he invites himself into your room, declares his stay, and then sits on your bed without permission. You don’t even know if he’s wearing anything under that robe as his hair is literally dripping onto your comforter. Regardless of what the situation is, this action alone has you seething. Turning towards your desk chair, you harshly pull out the slightly imbalanced piece of wood and sit down, silently questioning why he isn’t the one on the chair.

He watches you stomp around, and he kinda chuckles at your little tantrum, missing how easy it was to rile you up. Your glare at him would be a little scary if he didn’t see the way your lips mumbled to yourself. It’s honestly a little cute to watch you all frustrated with him even though he saw one of the shoes he bought you in your closet. Sure, they look brand new, but the fact that you brought them here with you must mean something.

The year you two spent apart has been really stressful on Matsukawa. He thought that you’d be happy that he could give you everything you wanted. He knew he wasn’t spending as much time with you as he used to, but he thought the gifts he spent hours lining up for would make up for it.

When you stopped returning his calls and texts, he was crushed. Everyone could see how he felt about you, but then he watched you get close to another man. Within two weeks, you were dating him, and he was left watching from a distance. Neither of you ever confirmed your feelings for each other, but he could tell that man wasn’t making you happy. He didn’t understand your different facial expressions, he didn’t care about what you had to say, but all he could do was watch the girl he wanted from the sidelines.

Sure, as time went on, Matsukawa also started talking to other girls. None of them ever became his girlfriend, he didn’t think it was fair to get with someone when he was set on you, but he had his fair share of hookups. He has money, a shit ton of it, but he never let that get to his head. It wasn’t his fault that he gained popularity when he started to get into name brands and upgraded his car, but none of that ever changed who he was — at least not to the degree you had him pinned.

He watches you carefully, your leg bouncing impatiently as your eyes glare daggers in his direction. He runs his hand through his hair and lets out a sigh, “what did I do wrong? You didn’t even give me a chance to fix whatever I did (y/n).”

The lamp in the corner of your room shines a dim yellow hue onto his features. His brows are knitted in concern as he leans forwards on his knees, his robe showing off a deep v down his chest. You can feel yourself freeze up at his question, goosebumps covering your skin, while your eyes pour into his. “You changed Matsukawa. You stopped making an effort to be there. I’m not some girl you can just buy with all your money. I have never cared about how much you have or what you can afford -- you know that! It doesn’t matter what. I always split things with you because I never wanted you to feel like I was there for your money. But then suddenly, you just stop showing up. You wouldn’t even tell me you made other plans, and I would just open my door to find some package you dropped off.”

His eyes search your face before letting out a deep sigh. “I tried! You wouldn’t answer any of my calls, I know I stopped explaining myself, but can you blame me? Don’t you think I want to take you around and introduce you to all my friends? Don’t you think I miss going on late-night drives with you to 7-11? Every time I would drive past there, you’re all I thought about. You and your stupid obsession with cheese taquitos and Arizona tea. Did you even think about how I felt when you decided to act like I don’t exist?” He hastily stands up and paces around in the confined space of your dorm room. He never raises his voice, so hearing him talk at a slightly louder volume was enough to let you know he was dead serious. “You know, I never stopped talking highly about you because as selfish as it is, those boys have an important family. They have the connections you dream about (y/n), so even when you started to ignore me to go out with that fucking ex-boyfriend of yours, I never said anything.”

He looks at you with pleading eyes before going to sit back down, his elbows now resting against his thighs. “I know you don’t care about my money, but I didn’t know how else to tell you I was still thinking about you. I tried to get you things that you’d like, things that you’d wear. But no, I had to watch you put on a fake smile and laugh at that asshole’s jokes while you stubbornly ignored me to the point I thought you had me blocked.”

Looking up at you through his curls, his hooded eyes looked darker before. His lips curled into a forced smile as he let out a breathy chuckle, “he didn’t deserve you. But what do I know, right?”

You sat there quietly, taking in what he had just said. You didn’t realize how hurt he was. To be frank, up till now, you were so consumed by your feelings, and you failed to consider his own. His head is hanging between his hands, and the silence in your room right now is insufferable. He’s just explained himself, yet all you can do is scoff at yourself. While you were obsessing over the fact that Matsukawa wasn’t coming over to watch another rerun of your favourite show, he was out picking out different gifts he thought you’d like. You didn’t even open the last few because your own emotions so blinded you. Hearing him take a deep breath, he stands up and smiles sadly at you, “nice talk, (y/n). Thanks for listening.”

“I’m sorry, Issei.”

He lifts his head to meet your gaze, and you can visibly watch as his shoulders relax. It’s been too long since he’s heard you call him by his first name.

“I’m sorry too. I should’ve just gotten out of the car to talk to you.”

You look at him with a small smile. Walking towards your bed, you sit down and pat the spot beside you, pulling him in for a hug. His robe is probably the softest thing you’ve ever felt in your life, your fingers sinking into the fabric as you hold him close. His arms are immediately wrapping around you, and you both stay like that for a minute before you pull back, a faint blush blooming on your cheeks.

“No, you have nothing to apologize for. You tried reaching out to me, you tried explaining yourself, but I didn’t even give you a chance. I’m sorry. I can’t believe I was so caught up I didn’t even think about what you were feeling. The fact that you still wanted to introduce me to your friends, even after all the stuff I did to you….I’m so sorry, Issei.”

He gives you a playful smile and lightly nudges your shoulder with his, “yea, that was kinda unfair, but good thing we talked it out, huh?”

You flash him a sheepish smile, but your eyes glimmer with happiness, “yea, it’s good you barged into my room at two in the morning. Just like old times.”

His smile instantly grows at your playfulness, and he gives you a mock scoff. “I’m sorry, but if I remember correctly, you’d beg for me to stay over at two am cause you decided you wanted to watch a scary movie. Have you gotten better with horror movies this year, or are you still as jumpy as I remember?”

The tip of your ears growing warm while you mutter out a quick “shut up.”

His laughter makes your heart beat against your chest because you missed it so much. It’s been a while since you got to hear him laugh with you, and without even thinking, you go in for another hug.

His arms easily hold you close, and one of his massive hands reaches up to pet your hair. “Missed me, didn’t you?” he asks, and you can feel him smirking, so you just nod, your fingers playing with the damp, short curls at the base of his nape.

“Issei?” you ask with a little murmur against his neck.

“Hmmm?”

You smile to yourself and pull back a little, so you can see his face, “so other than hanging out with your friends and keeping up with my relationship, what else have you been doing?”

His face drops as he looks at you with a deadpan stare, the corners of his mouth twitching up in a smile as you giggle at his reaction. He pushes you back, so you end up falling onto your mattress, his long limbs effortlessly straddling your legs. Before you can think about the position you’re in, his fingers start to poke all-around your torso, causing you both to laugh as he starts to tickle you. “You think you’re funny, huh?” His hands go to tickle your worst spot as he starts to talk, but you can’t hear him over your own laughter. His fingers slow down, but you keep giggling when you’re met with his lazy smirk, “I’m trying to talk, you know. It’s rude you’re laughing when I’m trying to speak to you.”

He leans forwards and has both hands resting at the side of your head. Your faces now inches apart, the faint smell of sandalwood from his body wash now becoming more apparent. You stare into his brown eyes, and it almost feels as if everything stopped for a few seconds. The lamp in your room doesn’t do him justice as the shadows of his face wash over his features, but even then, his eyes stare back at you with a slight twinkle as you catch your breath.

Reaching up to wrap your arms around his neck and you tug him close, crashing his lips onto yours. The sweet hints from his beloved Burt’s bee’s lip balm make his lips even softer than you imagined. The kiss is short, but as you both pull away, he’s staring at you with a goofy smile.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that, (y/n).”

“Me too, Issei,” you whisper back before his lips capture yours again, this time with more confidence. This kiss is much more passionate than the last, holding onto each other in hopes of deepening it. One of his hands travels down to grab your waist, his tongue sweeping across your bottom lip, asking for permission. Your lips part and your tongues swirl together effortlessly while your hands play with his hair, pulling him closer into your body.

His hand feels a little rougher than before against your bare skin because of how often he trains, running down the length of your leg. The light touch of his fingertips admires how smooth your skin is before they trail back up, stopping just before the edge of your pyjama shorts. Hooking your leg around his hip, he leans into your body even further and even nips at your bottom lip.

Matsukawa smirks and whispers against your lips, “did he ever kiss you like that?”

Slightly surprised at the question, you shake your head, answering honestly. “He never made me feel the way you do.”

You watch as his eyes dilate, flickering into a deep brown you’ve never seen on him. The hand that was previously on your leg is now cupping your cheek, stroking your face softly, while his own face blooms into a rare shade of pink. Still, his words are clear, “please...give me a chance? He never treated you right. Let me take care of you?”

Words can’t describe how his question made you feel. You spent years learning about Matsukawa, understanding him to the point where words weren’t necessary to see what was happening in his head. Not once did you think he reciprocated your feelings, let alone want to be with you. Yet, here you are, caged beneath his arms as his hopeful eyes pour into yours.

Turning your head slightly, you press a kiss onto his hand and smile. “Please?”

His face breaks into a smile. His cheeks are tinted rose as the corners of his mouth reach up to his eyes. Leaning down, he peppers kisses onto your face, the loose curls on his head tickling your cheeks as he giggles with you. The kisses trail down to your jaw, and he follows the natural curve of your jawline to your ear. “Is this okay?” he whispers softly, only continuing down this path when you give him a curt nod.

Your legs tighten around his waist when he begins to press open mouth kisses down your neck, gently nipping at the spots that make you let out shy little sounds. His tongue leaves kitten licks against your skin after he’s sucked on it, littering faint marks. Seeing you with light hickeys on the base of your neck and collarbones is completely self-indulgent for him. Thinking about waking up in the morning and seeing the marks he knows he gave you makes him inexplicably happy as he sucks particularly hard, causing you to wince.

Immediately he stops and turns to you, “I’m sorry, did I hurt you? D’you wanna stop?”

His concern for you is truly a breath of fresh air compared to what you had before. Shaking your head, you guide his hands to the edge of your sweater. “You bought this for me… it’s only fair I let you take it off.”

He studies your face for a second before his lips curl into a lazy smirk, quickly pulling the overpriced sweater off your body. He takes a sharp inhale when you reveal you aren’t wearing anything underneath as he’s met with your beautiful tits, nipples hard and pointed. “You let me in here knowing you weren’t wearing a bra? And here I thought you were a good girl.”

Noticing how your legs tighten around him, he smirks even wider. Leaning back down, his kisses trail down to your chest, and his lips feel soft and warm against your skin. His fingers take hold of your chin and force you to look down on him while his lips wrap around your nipple, the tip of his tongue flicking gently at the hardened bud. His hand palms against the fatty flesh of your other tit; his fingers are rolling your nipple before tugging on it experimentally.

Suddenly feeling shy, your arms come up to cover your face slightly just to have him lace his fingers with yours, pulling your arms away. “Don’t hide from me. Let me see how pretty you look. Let me hear how good I make you feel, okay?”

“I’ve never had someone play with my tits like this…”

He just stares at you, brows knitted as his smirk turns into a slight pout. “You’re with me now; that means every part of your body will be pleasured. I wanna hear and see all of you, okay?”

With a shy nod, you gently roll your hips against him, inviting more of his attention.

He kisses you once more, murmuring against your lips, “you’re so beautiful. Let me know if I’m going too fast, okay?”

His lips follow down your body once more, lightly biting your tit before using the flat part of his tongue to feel the valley between your chest. Matsukawa lets out a low moan as you arch upwards, pushing yourself closer to his touches. Letting go of your hands, he begins to massage the soft flesh of your tits and kiss down your stomach, the tip of his tongue trailing against the waistband of your shorts.

“Let me hear you ask for it; I don’t wanna do something you don’t want.”

“Isseiiii, please?” you whine out, the tip of your ears turning hot at the thought of asking for his tongue.

He smirks at you, looking up through his hooded eyes and tsks. “Be a good girl for me. Use your words.”

His words go straight to your pussy, and you can’t help the doe eyes look in your eyes when you whimper out, “please, Issei? Wanna feel your mouth on me.”

You watch as he takes in a sharp breath, the hunger in his eyes shining through despite the dim lighting in your room. He tugs at the end of your shorts until they’re completely off, repositioning himself lower until your legs are resting around his biceps. His eyes zone in on the way a sheer layer of slick coats your lips, happy that the attention he’s been giving you has pleased you. As he shimmies down on your bed, his legs now supporting himself on the floor, he nestles himself between your legs, easily spreading your things open with his arms. Sending you a knowing smile, he blows cool air directly onto your clit, loving how your walls flutter for him.

“You’re so sensitive, baby.”

“No one’s ever made me feel like this before...want more, please?”

You look down at him with pleading eyes, your hands cupping his face when you speak. Pressing a quick peck to your hand, he hips his head down and traces your pussy lips with his tongue, savouring how you taste.

The gasp that you let out once you felt his touch was adorable. It suddenly became the sound Matsukawa will chase after the more he gets to know your body and what it likes. He takes one long lap up your pussy, stopping just before your clit and using his fingers, he spreads your lips even more. Once your clit is all exposed, he flicks it gently with the tip of his tongue, looking up at you with all the confidence in the world. Hearing your little moans make him greedy for more, for more desperate and needy sounds, so he goes to press a kiss onto your bundle of nerves. Feeling you twitch beneath him, he gently places his lips around the sensitive bud and sucks earnestly, relishing in the way you buck your hips and call out his name. After a while of pure clitoral stimulation, he leans back up to watch your eyes blink back into focus on his face, a silly dazed smile on your face.

He winks at you and sticks his tongue into your drooling hole, swirling it around to feel the walls of your pussy clench around him. His fingers dig into the flesh of your thighs as he nuzzles his nose against your clit, his cock getting unbearably hard at the way you pant our pleas.

“I-issei! Please….need you inside, please!”

Coming back up for air, his hand leaves your thigh as his fingers start to tease around your hole, loving how your pussy clenches around nothing. So needy for his touches when he’s barely even started. He knows your orgasm was building, but he wants to take his time with you. You mean the world to him, and seeing you like this already makes him feel like the luckiest man at the moment.

Taking two of his fingers, he coats them in all your slick before slowly pushing them inside you. His eyes squeeze shut when he feels how tight you are, his mind immediately thinking about how you’d feel wrapped around his cock. When he’s finally inside, he pulls out slowly before sliding them back in, loving how you beg for more.

“Need more, please, Issei! Go faster, please.”

Your hands pull his head up to kiss you while his fingers begin to speed up. With the lewd sound of his hand slapping against your sopping wet pussy, his palm is applying pressure to your clit. Your moans are lost in your kisses, his other hand going back to playing with your sensitive nipple.

“I have to stretch you out, babygirl. I don’t want my cock to hurt you.”

All you’re able to do is nod as his fingers start to scissor your hole, stretching you out even more. His fingers, now knuckle deep, curl against your sweet spot, making you grip onto his hair as he swallows all your cries, suddenly remembering that the walls in this dorm probably aren’t that thick.

His fingers curl into you more, whispering sweet praises as his hand teases and tugs on your swollen nipple. Everything happened so quick, and you’re cumming all over his hand, your sweet sticky arousal covering his fingers as he slows down. Matsukawa is smiling down at you, “you did so well, baby. Bet that felt really good, huh?”

Maybe you’re needy or just horny, but even after your orgasm, you start tugging the tie that keeps his robe up. Your legs are sore, sorer than they’ve ever been, but all you can think about is how full you would feel with him inside of you. He smirks at you as he pops his fingers into his mouth, sucking off all your juices before letting his robe fall and chucking it to the ground. He’s wearing his briefs, but you can see how hard his cock is under the thin cotton material. Before you’re able to pull his underwear down, he stops you and lets out a small chuckle. “I’m sorry, I don’t have a condom. We don’t have to do anything.”

You giggle and shake your head, “don’t need one; we’re in university, baby. What’s a little fun without risks?”

He lets you pull his underwear down, and his massive throbbing cock instantly slaps against his stomach as he laughs at your reaction. “Had to make sure you were stretched out enough.”

You bite your lips and stare at how big his cock actually is. It’s hard to imagine how you’ll fit that inside of you, but you’re determined to give it a try.

“You ready, pretty girl?” he asks as he taps the tip of cock against your clit, loving how you squirm under him.

“mmhmm, Issei.”

He lets go of his cock and leans up, and pulls you into a deep kiss, completely in awe of you.

“Tell me if you wanna stop, kay?”

Replying with a small hum, he gathers up the remaining slick that’s leaking out of your pussy and strokes his cock slowly, also letting his spit drip down to help lubricate himself. He lines himself up with your pretty pussy and starts to push the head in, studying your face to make sure you’re doing alright. When he sees you smiling back at him, despite the grip you have on his arms, he pushes another two inches inside of you.

“You’re doing so good for me, baby. We’re almost halfway,” he whispers into your ear as he kisses your neck softly, sucking on the spot by the base of your lobe. “Such a good girl for me,” he coaxes as his cock slides another inch into your sweet cunt.

Incredibly, he’s only halfway down because you’ve never felt this full before. Still, your fingers dig into his arms when you ask for more. “Just want all of you in me, please?”

Hearing you ask for more even though you already looked fucked out sparks something inside him. He lets out a low growl and quickly pushes the rest of his length inside you, mumbling sweet nothings against your skin. He moans out with you when he feels how warm and tight you are, your pussy stretching more than it ever has to accommodate his size.

“Feel s’good, Issei.”

With a breathy chuckle, he peppers kisses all over your neck, loving the sound of your soft giggles as he pulls back three-quarters of the way, slowly pushing his way back into you. The gasp you let out is different than before, much more surprised but sensual.

He continues this motion a few more times before he picks up the pace, his hips slamming against you while your tits bounce. Each thrust knocks the air out of your chest cause he’s brushing against your spot every time. Matsukawa leans down and presses his forehead against the crook of your neck, muttering how good you feel.

“F-faster...need you faster, is’o good, please.”

Obliging to your pleas, he starts to rut his hips into yours, the sound of his balls slapping against your skin with each movement. He looks up to see your dreamy eyes and smiles. He knows there’s not a thought behind those eyes right now as his cock slams against your walls with each thrust. He goes to kiss you again, silencing your cries as your nails drag down his arms, trying to ground yourself in the midst of all the pleasure.

“You’re s-tight baby I- fuuuuuck, I can barely move.”

You can’t help it. Your walls are naturally squeezing him because he’s fucking straight into your sweet spot with each snap of his hips. You look at him with hazy eyes, entirely in a trance as you moan out his name. He can tell you want to cum, so his hand reaches down to rub your clit as his cock continues to pound into you.

“C’mon baby, cum all over my cock. You can do it...ah shit, yea, just like that.”

He’s been trying so hard not to cum but watching your back arch into him as your nails drab down his back, his name falling out from your lips in a loud erotic moan, is making it really hard. He looks down in surprise when he sees a creamy white rim around his cock, proud of himself for making you cream.

“Good girl...that’s my fuckin girl.”

Satisfied he made you finish, his head falls back onto your shoulder, his hips just rutting into you as he chases his own orgasm. Not even a minute later, he’s calling out for you as he quickly pulls out, cumming all over your tits. His chest heaves along with yours, his hair sticking to his forehead slightly as he empties his load all over your chest.

Once you’ve both calmed down a little bit, he smiles down at you and goes to stroke your cheek. “Had you creaming on my cock, was it fun? Did you have a good time?”

“S’good...thank you, baby,” you say before pulling him down for a kiss.

He gets up and reaches for his robe, “you did so good, took me like a champ heh. I’ll be back with a rag to clean you up, okay? Don’t move.”

As he leaves your room, you stare up at the ceiling and let out a laugh. Not even twelve hours ago, you were cursing the fact that he was here with you, and now you have his cum all over your tiddies as he goes to get stuff to clean you up.

You watch as he comes back into your room, fully changed with a rag in his hand. He kneels beside you and pets your hair as he starts to wipe his mess.

“Why’re you changed?”

“Oh! We’re going to 7-11 once I get you cleaned up.”

“.....it’s like three-thirty in the morning.”

“I’ll get you taquitos and Arizona,” he says as he goes to wipe around your pussy, mindful not to put too much pressure cause you’re still sensitive.

“And skittles?”

He snorts and kisses your shaking thigh, “yea, I’ll get you skittles, brat.”

taglist: @plutowrites @armins-futon @arte-misa @strawbari21 @matsusimp @bokutomessy @mentaly-ill @arumiee @kvrooschibichan lmk if you want to be added to my tag list

#rich boy collab #matsukawa #matsukawa issei #matsukawa x reader #matsukawa issei x reader #matsukawa smut #matsukawa issei smut #haikyuu smut #hq smut #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu matsukawa #tw unprotected sex #dark

649 notes · View notes

howdoyousleep3 · 3 years

Note

where’s that hc about bucky learning to touch 🤲

I was hoping someone would notice that tag and hit me up. Thank you, sweet pea. This one is special to me, one of many. ❤

Bucky doesn’t say much about what happened to him after the fall and before Steve was miraculously given a second chance at a life with him. Steve is thankful for that. The details he does know come from Bucky’s therapist and from files that have been scrounged up over time, ones Steve can’t stomach through, ones he hands to Natasha and asks only for the information she finds pertinent.

Steve is sure he’d die of a goddamn broken heart if he knew every detail of Bucky’s 70+ years of brainwashed torture.

What he needs to know about Bucky is constant and will never change: this is James Barnes, the one in the same Steve spent his entire life falling in love with, Steve loves him now more than ever, and he is going to live every day he’s gifted with in this life for Bucky.

There are things Steve expects after Bucky joins him and the others back at the Tower, things Bruce has helped him comprehend in such a volatile predicament.

“It could take months, years even, for him to come back to you in full. And honestly, Steve...I would be ready for the possibility of him not returning to you in full. This may not end up being the Bucky you knew and grew up with. He needs therapy, needs patience, needs reminders of his life before, of who he was and is. This won’t be easy, Steve.”

Anything for Bucky.

There are things Bucky took to right away and other things that took much longer for him to enjoy or remember. Steve is with him every step of the way.

Sleep was one thing that Steve thought would be a struggle. After only one month of sleeping on the floor in the corner of his bedroom, Steve able to hear him tossing and turning and breathing heavily through his own bedroom wall, it took one afternoon nap on the couch to make him want to move to his new bed. While nightmares continued, Bucky slept albeit in small increments and sometimes through the day, but he slept.

Steve thought that would take years.

Crowds were another story. Crowds came with trust and Bucky rightfully didn’t trust others easily. He barely trusted Steve at first. It took time to get him out of the apartment, baby steps, one step forward and two steps back. They started with walks at dawn, fewer people, gave a shot at stopping for coffee on the way home a few times.

“It’s a Venti here, Buck,” Steve had tried to explain and Bucky huffed. “Why are things so goddamn complicated now? Just want a coffee, a—”

“I know— a black coffee with too much sugar. I got it.”

They’re working on interactions with others and the anxiety that comes with crowds. That one will take time.

What hadn’t taken time, and what startled everyone in the tower beyond belief, was Bucky and affection.

Steve may not know much of what Bucky has spent most of his life enduring but he at least had the assumption that what Bucky went through shouldn’t make him want any kind of touch from another person. Steve wrongfully assumed that any sort of gentle or soft touch wasn't something Bucky would like.

Bucky had spent the past 70+ years walking this earth as a killer, a robot, a machine, an assassin. He surely spent decades thinking he wasn’t worthy of anything, let alone love. He had been touch-starved, void of the tenderness and closeness Steve knows Bucky deserved and craved underneath the brainwashed parts of him.

It took time for Bucky to remember who Steve was to him. While he had recognized him immediately, remembering him but not how, it took months for Bucky to remembered the capacity in which he did so.

And Steve waited.

And waited.

Steve was gifted with small moments along the way, on this journey of Bucky remembering both himself and who Steve was to him:

“You...you were real small once,” Bucky said, factual with no trace of a question, hands in soapy water as he handed Steve a plate to dry. Steve had merely hummed. “Yeah, was...was maybe half the size I am now. Real small.”

“Could fit both’a my hands right around your middle…”

It had been a long while since Steve blushed like that.

Bucky standing over Steve’s sleeping form, heaving chest visible by only the filtered moonlight, Steve mumbling out a, “Buck, wha—?” before Bucky whispered, “You...you’ve been inside of me.” Steve sat up.

“I have,” Steve breathed, on cautious ground, shakier when Bucky then whispered, “But you like it better when I’m inside’a you.”

When Steve had swallowed audibly, nodded his head wordlessly, Bucky had turned and left the room.

It took months of moments like those to compile together, to form the picture of what Steve once was, what he yearned to continue to be, to Bucky. All of these moments, these memories, came to a head so unpredictably during yet another movie night. Knees knocking, fingers brushing, small touches that Steve absolutely soaked in, had gotten used to, had relearned.

When a glance towards Bucky had the wind knocking its way out of Steve’s chest, the familiarity of that look a bone-deep ache—

Bucky was going to kiss him.

A look full of determination and want, lips parted, eyes a bit glassy. Steve didn't dare move, had let Bucky come to him for fear of scaring him away. The moment their lips touched was the moment Bucky started crying. It had only been a short brush of their lips but Steve barely breathed, barely moved. Bucky had pulled back with wide, wet eyes, shaky breaths. “Buck, it’s okay. It’s okay. Everything’s alright, sweetheart,” are the words that easily slipped from his mouth, unable to stop them in a moment of progress that satiated his entire being.

That was the moment that changed everything. It was a startle to everyone involved. Steve had been ready to wait years, this entire life, for the moment he could touch Bucky again, could show him that physicality he knew his Buck craved. After that night on the couch it was as if the floodgates had opened—

Bucky remembered and wanted.

Regardless of where they were or what was happening, he wanted to be touching Steve: soft kisses on the cheek and lips, laying his head in Steve’s lap as he read, lacing his fingers between Steve’s during meetings, an arm wrapped around Steve’s waist between bouts of sparring. He’d trace patterns onto Steve’s thigh as he watched Steve draw, press against the line of his back while he cooked dinner.

Steve was floating on a cloud, was in heaven, never happier. It was perfection.

But what Bucky wanted, Steve couldn’t provide, couldn’t meet. Steve was only one man, couldn’t provide Bucky, whom touch had been stolen away from for decades, with everything he wanted. And that was okay, something Steve accepted, because there were other people Bucky could turn to that Steve trusted.

“I’m sure you all know why I asked you to meet with me,” Steve started, choosing a time Bucky was napping to meet with the rest of the group that either lived in or frequented the Tower. “Bucky has shown us a new side of him, has made some progress I think it’s worth discussing with everyone, since we’re all...we’ve all been affected...”

“Uhh, yeah— your Barnes-y boy has been all over me lately. I’m almost offended that everyone else is here to talk to Cap though. Thought he was just comin' onto me.”

“I have to tell you, I didn’t...I know we talked, Steve. But I’m honestly shocked at Bucky’s progress. It’s baffling.”

“I haven’t minded it. He lets me braid his hair.”

“Wait— y’all are getting touches?”

It was a group effort, supporting Bucky in this way. It was an adjustment, Bucky never prompting and questioning before touching or requesting touches— he just went for it. He was quiet still, not shy, merely observant. And just like he nudged at and leaned against Steve until his hands were on him, he did the same to others.

“I just ask that you show Bucky grace during this time. It’s a delicate situation. I need to know if you don’t want his touch or don’t wish to give him any kind of touch. I think it would be best if it came from me instead of from you in the moment.”

Natasha was who Bucky went to for scratches. Steve thinks it’s the nails. Steve also thinks Nat is Bucky’s favorite to go to for touches, even over him, but Bucky refuses to admit it.

When Bucky wants mindless touches, when he wants tickles and scratches, he goes to her. She naturally took to Bucky’s need for touches, the first occurrence one that came without hesitation. She’ll braid his hair, let him turn his head right where he wants her head scratches, naturally reaches for his back or shoulders to run her nails across when he saddles in close to her.

Thor is one of Bucky’s favorites too. Steve isn’t sure if it’s because of his strength or because of his warm and accepting demeanor but Bucky gravitates towards Thor often, mainly for neck and shoulder rubs. One, “James, my friend. You musn’t be afraid of asking for touch with me. I will always be willing to assist,” and that was all Bucky needed to feel comfortable walking over to Thor and nudging at his hands.

He puts his head on Bruce’s shoulder as soon as he can, likes sparring and playing hide and seek with Clint, enjoys putting his feet in Sam’s lap. Tony took some warming up to, but even then Bucky spent many hours in Tony’s lab, Tony guiding his hands, showing him what to do and how to work different machines, the two of them tinkering on his own arm.

Bucky kinda turns into the Tower kitty cat, wandering around quietly, napping in the sun, snacking, demanding affection from anyone he crosses paths with and trusts.

Everyone had their form of touch they shared with Bucky and Bucky absolutely blossomed under this form of support. Steve is forever grateful to be surrounded by a group of understanding individuals.

And every night when he lifts the comforter and feels the solid line of Bucky’s warm form against his side, the arm that now easily and inevitably slips around his waist, the familiar lips that always press against his temple, shoulder, and cheek, Steve is reminded this day was for Bucky and that the one they’ll wake up to will also be for him.

"I love you, Buck."

"Mhmm love you too, pal."

Steve doesn't even mind that Bucky spends his nights snoring in the crook of his neck, hot breath wafting over Steve's skin, hands grabby even as he dreams—

This is heaven.

#askK #fluffy lub #recovering bucky #found family #avengers 2012 #this is one of a million i have of these #i rarely share like...canon-ish thoughts because i assume people are going to tear them to pieces lol #but i've been sitting on this one for a while #my tense might be way outta wack here lol my bad #tower of god

288 notes · View notes

sugamamacustard · 3 years

Text

Feral Animal

Pairing: Alpha! Kentarou Kyoutani x Omega! Reader

Genre: Fluff

Request: Hi! I love your abo blog! I was wondering if you could write about Alpha!Kyotani with an Omega!Reader, where their first encounter catches everyone by surprise? Like, Reader has a traditionally alpha scent (like burning/smokey wood) and can usually get away with being mistaken as an alpha at first glance? It’s fine if you’re asks are full or you don’t want to do this but thanks for your time 😊 —Sno

Summary: You just wanted to get the boys to practice on time. You weren’t prepared to deal with this. Good thing you had a gaurdian angel- or should we say, dog.

Author’s Note: I love Kyoutani so much. Like he’s in my top three people I simp for.

Requests: Open!

Kentarou Kyoutani

➵ No one gathered in your way when walked down the hall. You smelt strong enough to put them on edge.

➵ Peoples hackles were constantly raised when you were around, and truthfully, you didn’t know why.

➵ You were still you. You were still an omega.

➵ You still ached to reach out for touch, to scent someone, to just have the smallest bit of attention from anyone that wasn’t Iwaizumi.

➵ You and he had met when you were young, and he took to being your personal guardian—since he was a year older than you.

➵ You were thankful for him and his friendship, but that was all it would ever be. You both tried dating in your first year of middle school (Dating being a loose term), but it was obvious you were better off as friends.

➵ You both still hung out constantly though, and eventually he grew to be an older brother to you.

➵ When you got to high school though, you quickly realized that with Iwaizumi came Oikawa. You had known him just as you had known Iwaizumi, but the other male seemed to keep his distance from you.

➵ It didn’t take a genius to figure out why he was keeping his distance with you. When you and Iwaizumi explained to him there was nothing between the two of you, nor would there ever be, he calmed down.

➵ The fellow omega (Oikawa is an omega ass bottom change my mind. Unless it comes to requests. Then he’s an alpha for you :D) grew to be close with you as well and if one or the other was being idiotic you stepped in as the shoulder to cry on.

➵ You were happy for them, truly, but you knew sooner or later you were going to be out of the picture.

➵ They were third years, and you were a second year. They had a relationship that ran deeper than any thing you could offer them.

➵ And that was okay.

➵ Facing the obvious, it’s clear that, because your best friends are those two dorks, you’re into volleyball. Or in the very least, know of it and how to play. Because of this, you’re elected manager.

➵ No more choice.

➵ You don’t fawn over Oikawa constantly, you can handle Iwaizumi’s outbursts, you were calm with the first years, and you don’t put up with any fan girl’s bullshit.

➵ You didn’t get the chance to refuse honestly.

➵ “I’m sorry, but unfortunately, Oikawa-Senpai is busy at the moment- “

➵ “Please, just- Let me see him! I won’t be long!” The Alpha pleaded, trying to appease to your sense of empathy. Unfortunately for her, that was dried up before the second girl even looked at you to ask the very same thing.

➵ You were tired of girls, obviously not getting the hint, trying to confess their undying love to Oikawa every other day. How did they not see he was an Omega?

➵ Yeah, he had suppressants out the wahzoo but, good golly, his mannerisms were all Omega.

➵ Apparently this alpha though her and Oikawa would be the ultimate power couple.

➵ “Like I said before, he is busy. Any time you take up is time wasted.” You snorted, turning tail and shutting the gym door, ignoring the screech of anger behind it. You were used to it.

➵ Most times you locked them out, they’d throw a bitch-fit, turn and bad-mouth you to their friends for a few days.

➵ They’d tease you for your scent—which was a, frankly lovely, pinewood and amber scent—and poke fun at you, saying how ‘you’ll never get an alpha smelling stronger than them” with a sneer. You’ve learned to ignore those types of girls.

➵ What you didn’t expect however, was for her to scream some more, banging on the metal door.

➵ It was ripped open in your moment of shock, making you turn on your heel to face her.

➵ Her hair, though still relatively upkept, was frizzy with fly-a way’s running out occasionally, but her eyes were what scared you.

➵ They were constricted to ball point bulbs that were locked onto you, fangs poking out as she snarled at you.

➵ Of course. Because why wouldn’t a feral Alpha be part of your day today?

➵ You growled yourself, trying to reign in your scent but it was getting harder and harder as she stalked closer.

➵ No one else was in the gym, as they were changing in the club room, but you figured you could handle her.

➵ You hoped at least.

➵ She tried pouncing on you, your arms quickly crossing in front of your face to shield yourself, but instead of an angry alpha trying to claw your eyes out, you merely got a gust of wind.

➵ Peeking open an eye—you couldn’t recall closing them, but whatever—you frowned at the face staring back at you.

➵ You hadn’t talked to him, personally, but you knew who he was. Kentarou Kyoutani.

➵ He was incredibly strong, a worthy advisory, and worst of all…

➵ A ticking time-bomb of an alpha.

➵ He had the resting bitch face to end all resting bitch faces, and the attitude to go with it. He had only said one word to you ever and it was ‘move’. His voice was gruff and angry when he said it, but his eyes softened when you looked up at him.

➵ He waited patiently for you to gather your things before moving. That was the first, and what you thought, last time you’d ever see the alpha. He entranced you though, so you wouldn’t ever necessarily be opposed to seeing him again.

➵ Just maybe not in this circumstance.

➵ Kyoutani held the alpha by the collar of her shirt, his lips poked up in a snarl with his canines gleaming dangerously in the sunlight

➵ . Contrary to popular belief, he’d only ever gone feral once in his life. His stepfather, an awful, awful, excuse for an alpha had raised a hand to his Mama.

➵ He refused to let anyone ever raise a hand to omega that day and stuck to his grits with it.

➵ Many people often feared him because of his careful eye and quick reflexes.

➵ They claimed he was close to going feral because they never cared to admit they were planning on hurting someone. He didn’t care.

➵ At least he didn’t. When he saw you simply turn and close the gym door, he felt his heart skip a beat.

➵ Maybe it was just the fact that you didn’t relent, or maybe it was the fact that you didn’t care or bend or submiss in the absolute slightest, or maybe it was the waft of the most calming scent he’s ever smelt before.

➵ He knew the other alpha’s scent, as she had practically reeked all over him while asking him for things Oikawa liked before he snapped on her, so this was all you. And he…liked it.

➵ He hated scents that were too sweet or too ‘exciting’ in a way, but this? This was calming and euphoric all in one and he wanted to straight up bathe in it. It smelt that good.

➵ He watched the alpha screech, stomping her foot—he could guess she was the very definition of daddy’s girl with her reaction to being told ‘no’—and before he could growl at her to leave, she was forcing open the door and snarling.

➵ So, he dropped his bag and ran to make sure you were okay. His alpha pawing at him to hurry up.

➵ He had felt the very same as they day he ran his stepfather out of his life, but this time…This time, he would be sure not to go feral. That would scare you and he couldn’t, wouldn’t risk that.

➵ When he got there, the alpha lunged and he had barely enough time to grab her. You looked shocked to see him, or maybe it was residue from when she broke into the gym, but you didn’t say anything.

➵ He took that as a good sign, turning tail and dragging her to where he dropped his bag. He grabbed it quickly, instead dropping her and rushing back to the gym.

➵ You closed the door behind him, Iwaizumi and Matsukawa quickly locking it. In the time, between Kyoutani dragging out the feral alpha you had the chance to text Iwaizumi, sending choppy and shaky, but succinct, messages to let him know what was going on.

➵ The rest of the team were on their way anyway, so they merely hurried their steps. When they turned to lock the door, you stopped them, crying for them to just wait for a minute.

➵ Kyoutani had run in seconds after your plea and the door was quickly shut.

➵ Scents were going insane in the gym, but his was most discernible to you. He smelt scared.

➵ Before anyone had a chance to mention it though, he was turning to you and reaching for your face.

➵ you flinched but that didn’t stop him. His fingers were gentle, more so than you could expect from him, and he was so soft while turning your face to observe the damage. Iwaizumi tried to get close, but he was growled at as you were held to Kyoutani’s chest.

➵ The team could only watch, flabbergasted, as you were hugged and scented by their mad dog. Even more so when you began laughing and purring, placing your hands around his neck.

➵ You whispered something (They were ‘Thank you’ and appreciation whispers) into his ear, making his shoulders visibly relax. No one could really understand what had happened, but they weren’t sure if they wanted to question it just yet.

➵ Well, most of team didn’t at least.

➵ “Aw, Mad dog-Chan! How do you know our little Chibi-chan?” Oikawa laughed, leaning off Iwaizumi as he spun a volleyball on his pointer finger.

➵ Kyoutani grunted, abruptly pulling away, only to growl and pull you back when his alpha snarled. “Don’t.”

➵ “Wait- wait, wait. Hold on.” Hanamaki snorted, holding his hands up. “So you, Mad dog, most vicious alpha this side of the equator, just decided fuck it, and chose to not only save an omega you’ve never met, but then hog her? I don’t know, Mattsun, seems kind of sus to me.”

➵ “Very sus.” Matsukawa agreed, snickering. He yelped however, when Kyoutani turned to snarl at him, only for you to hold him back. Matsukawa had never felt more scared for his life in that very moment, and he owed you a whole ass chapel.

➵ It stayed like that for the rest of the practice, with you calming Kyoutani down ever time he needed a ‘time out’ and over time he got much better at controlling his anger.

➵ No one was surprised when you walked in two weeks later, a small, thin leather choker clipped on around your neck with a hand-made moon charm hanging from it.

2K notes · View notes