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#arthur not understanding emotions

hannahhook7744 · 2 years

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Hey sister, Do you still believe in love I wonder?:

Summary; Arthur can't help but get this nasty feeling in his chest when he sees Gwen with Elyan. He doesn't understand why at first. But soon Gwaine makes him understand it.

Tag list; @a-confused-void .

Trigger warning; mentions of execution, bias against magic, death, etc.

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It started not long after they took Camelot back from Morgana.

He and the knights and merlin and servants were going around, surveying the damage. Checking in on the citizens. And Gwen was sticking close to Elyan.

Occasionally asking about his travels.

Bantering and bickering to lighten their spirits no doubt.

And that's when Arthur was first struck with the feeling.

A nasty one that left a bitter taste in his mouth and sinking feeling in his gut.

A feeling he knew all to well but didn't understand in this moment.

Jealousy.

"Arthur, are you alright?" Gwen asked, meeting his eye. Which meant that he had most likely been staring...

He quickly tore his eyes away from her and Eylan to see Merlin and the rest of the knights staring at him.

"I..." he cleared his throat, ignoring the question "have to go check on my father. Meet back at the throne room in an hour. "

"Are you sure--"

The prince quickly stalked off before Gwen could even finish the sentence, hoping that the feeling would go away soon.

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The feeling, to Arthur's great frustration, did not in fact go away soon. In fact, it seemed to only grow as time went on-- only showing itself when he was around Elyan and Gwen.

And he just did not understand it.

It made no sense.

Gwen and Eylan were brother and sister.

He shouldn't have felt jealous whenever he saw them together. Whenever he thought of them together.

So why did he?

And why did the jealous he felt towards them feel different than the jealousy he felt when he saw Lancelot and Gwen together?

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The feeling grew worse after his father died.

As did his mood.

He distanced himself from the two. Making sure to never be around them at the same time if he could help it.

Snapping every so often.

He felt disgusted with himself.

What was wrong with him?

He prayed that he'd find out the answer soon before he had to go and confide in Merlin. Who would absolutely never let him live this down if he told him.

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The answer to his prayers came nearly a month after his father died.

He was leaning out a window, watching as Elyan and Gwen spoke in the court yard. Disgruntled. When a voice spoke up from behind him.

"It's okay you know."

Arthur jumped, nearly falling out of the window--only to be caught by who startled him.

"Jeeze, Princess, you're jumpy today. Try not to do that again, will ya? Merlin will have my head if I accidentally kill you"

It was Gwaine.

"Shut Up Gwaine. And what are you going on about?!" He spat scowling. Crossing his arms defensively.

The older knight just rolled his eyes.

"Gwen and Elyan. It's okay to be jealous of them. No one will judge you for it. It's understandable after what you've been through"

Arthur couldn't believe his ears.

"I'm not jealous of them! That's preposterous! They're brother and sister! Only a mad man would be jealous--"

"Oh my God, no one ever told you there was more than one type of relationship you can be jealous of, did they?" Gwaine exclaimed, not sure whether to laugh or face palm.

Arthur sputtered.

"I? What---"

"Princess, you're not jealous of them because you're in love with Gwen and Elyan's a man who spends alot of time with her. You're jealous because you just lost your sister and the relationship you had with her. "

Gwaine explained, deciding to take pity on his friend while also silently damning Uther for not explaining basic concepts and emotions to his son. And for not just admitting that Morgana was his and that he was wrong about magic. It could have avoided all this if he he had... but the brunette couldn't dwell on that at the moment.

"I am?"

Arthur had never looked at it from that point of view. He had just assumed that the battle with Morgana had driven him to madness. And it had had, just not in the way he had thought.

Gwaine looked exasperated-- he was spending far too much time with Merlin-- but nodded. "Yes. You are. And it's only natural after losing such an important person in your life. For you even more so, seeing as it led to you losing your father as well when you spent so much time only having the two of them as your family. Few people can understand what you're going through right now and even fewer could judge you for being the tiniest bit jealous of those who still have what you've lost."

Arthur was staring to feel better but a part of him was still baffled by something. In other circumstances, he would have turned to Merlin or Giaus to explain it to him... but since Gwaine was already here and already knew how he felt....

He went against his better judgment and asked him instead.

"But why do I only feel it around Gwen and Elyan. Why don't I feel it around anyone else?"

Gwaine bit back a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. Briefly wondering if this was how Merlin and Leon felt all the time before quickly shaking the thought off and getting back to business.

"Because they're the only people you're around constantly that you know have family. That you constantly see. You don't see Merlin's mother very often, so you don't have time to feel jealous when you do. Leon's parents have been gone for ages now. Them and Lance's. None of them have siblings. Percy's family is gone. You don't know any of the servants well enough to constantly be seeing their families. So obviously, seeing Elyan and Gwen together is the only noticable time you'll feel it. You've probably felt similar feelings when around places Morgana use to hang around but didn't connect the dots."

The prince hated to admit it but it made sense. And it, along with the fact that Gwaine didn't mention his own family, peaked his curiosity.

"And how would you know?" He winced almost immediately, realizing he definitely could have phrased that better. The slight flinch Gwaine gave made him feel even guiltier.

'Stupid, stupid, stupid...'

"Let's just say that I've been where you are. Losing both my dad and siblings in a short amount of time."

Arthur felt even worse and opened his mouth to apologize-- only to get clapped on the back by Gwaine, who tried his best to smile as he scanned the area.

"And uh... let it be known that off the record, you're not the only one who lost a sister to magic."

Arthur's eyes widened.

"Your sister had magic too?"

Gwaine gave a hesitant nod.

"Aye. Though hers didn't turn her evil. Sure, she could be nasty when she wanted but she.. she never did anything like Morgana did."

Arthur knew that if his father was still around, he would have had Gwaine executed or imprisoned solely because of the association thing.

He knew that since the laws were technically still in place he should too.

Especially since Gwaine seemed to be thinking of a sorcereress so fondly.

But he couldn't bring himself to do it. Not when he knew that there wasn't gonna be alot of other people to understand the position he was in.

He didn't entirely agree with those laws anyway...

And it wasn't as if anyone else was around to hear the conversation, so he could just pretend like it never happened once the conversation was over.

"What happened to her?"

Gwaine shifted and didn't look at him.

Arthur got a sinking feeling in his stomach just from that alone. Something told him he wasn't gonna like the answer.

"I don't think you want to know."

Arthur knew that Merlin or anyone of their other friends probably would have told him to leave it if they were here.

Knew that he should drop it.

But he couldn't.

Because he had an inkling of what happened and wanted so desperately to be told he was wrong.

"She... she wasn't executed was she?"

Gwaine didn't answer.

"Gwaine, I am so sorr--"

Gwaine just clapped him on the back again.

A smile on his face that didn't quite reach his eyes. One that he recognized but never thought much about before.

"Don't worry about it princess. I wouldn't be following you if I blamed you for the situation."

"Just because I had nothing to do with it doesn't mean I can't feel sorry for your loss" Arthur pointed out.

Feeling just as bad as he had when Will and Tom had died.

"Still. This isn't about me. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone".

Arthur swallowed, wanting to argue. But thought better of it and decided to try and right the wrong the laws had done against his friend. One day at a time.

"Thank you."

"No problem, mate. And don't worry. The jealousy will get easier to manage over time. No one is expecting you to get over what you lost over time or at all even. And you have more than just me in your corner"

Gwaine glanced over Arthur's shoulder, out the window and smiled-- causing Arthur to turn.

Elyan, Gwen, Leon, and Mordred were splashing one another in the fountain as the others laughed their asses off.

Arthur couldn't help but laugh too.

"Come on, Arthur. Let's not let them have all the fun" the ravenette snorted, elbowing the blonde in the side before taking off.

"Hey!"

As he ran after him, Arthur was left to think of a similar time.

One that happened many years before.

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"Come on Arthur!" Morgana called out, giggling as she ran ahead of him. Towards the fountain. Where Leon, Elyan, and Gwen were splashing eachother. He was 7 and she was 10.

"Father's not gonna like this Morgana!"

"You're only saying that because you'll know you'll lose!"

"I will not!"

"Prove it then!"

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yoonnamjin25 · 1 year

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This tear will haunt me til my very last breath. Arthur really said "no man is worth your tears... UNLESS THAT MAN IS MERLIN" 💔😭 it really hurt him so fucking much to know that the only person he thought he could blindly trust was the one who lied to him the most I NEED TO HUG HIM ASAP PLEASE 🥺🥺

#arthur pendragon #merlin #bbc merlin #merthur #5x13 #magic reveal #arthur x merlin #it's time for crying again i guess #arthur really loved merlin so much #merlin was worth arthur's tears #i'm so emotional right now you don't understand #thousands of times i watched that scene and only now i noticed the tear #devastating

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wumiings · 11 months

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Merlin and Gwen being the most tactile best friends ✨ever✨ and all the knights endlessly ribbing Arthur about the fact that he used to be jealous of Lancelot but somehow Merlin can cuddle with the Queen on her own bed and he is utterly unconcerned

#bbc merlin #arwen #merwen #that’s her emotional support merlin!!#arthur understands #they were Like That long before arthur began courting her #he could hardly expect them to stop now

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1shadowhole · 1 year

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Small PSA for the Merlin fandom, but generally every fandom, really.

Please don't annoy the actors/creators.

Writing to them saying that you love their creation is great and I'm sure they are really happy when they receive them 🥰

However! Spamming them is not cute. Please don't. They are people as well. Not props.

Or (I feel) acting as if you are speaking with the character and not the actor, especially if what you write is on the line of inappropriate. Because while being incredibly inappropriate towards a fictional character is perfectly fine because, well... They are fictional... remember that you are not speaking to the character, but a real person.

I mean. I don't know them, maybe they have no problem with weird DMs, but try to put yourself in their shoes.

Again. Maybe I'm wrong. But I've seen a couple of people on Instagram bragging about it and it felt weird.

#omg King Arthur marry me!!#i speak #merlin #merthur #merlin fandom #Fandom #merlin x arthur #Hey I'll be the first one to admit that I'm not a particularly empathetic person #I struggle with understanding other people's emotions greatly #So maybe I'm just projecting what I think I would feel with what those people actually percieve #But you can't deny that is incredibly wierd and inappropriate #Right?

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nerdyerror · 11 months

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Idk how to make a gif but heres a clip of an oc

He is Galahad Elyan Pendragon, the son of Arthur and Gwen but unfortunately Gwen didn’t find out she was having a baby till after Arthur died

Merlin raised him. Regular images below the cut :)

#art #fanart #galahad #bbc's merlin #bbc merlin #to be clear #i am not an #arwen #shipper #but I do understand y’know history #and I love her so yknow giving her an arthur a baby makes sense #also #merthur #bbc merlin fanart #i know that in the legends Galahad is the son of Lancelot and fake Guinevere #but we been knew that the show is not entirely accurate to the legends #galahad pendragon #also merlin is his emotional dad

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jokerownsmysoul · 2 years

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“Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. [...] You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. [...] It definitely makes me believe in something.”

“Your name like a song I sing to myself, your name like a box where I keep my love, your name like a nest in the tree of love, your name like a boat in the sea of love.”

Arthur.

1. via toddphillips on Instagram 2. Eisha Tandon, from A poem for a moment with you 3. unknown 4. May Swenson, Symmetrical Companion 5. from the Joker script 6. via @.nearlywrites on Tumblr 7. C.T. Salazar, Headless John The Baptist Hitchhiking 8 & 10. Richard Siken, Saying Your Names 9. Jodi Picoult, Handle with care 11. Tennessee Williams, The vine

#Another year where we get to celebrate the day we first met him 🤎#Idk about you fam but personally this post of Todd Phillips has always made me very emotional and teary-eyed #As well as this picture of Arthur - which to this date is still one of my all time favorites pictures of him #There's something so incredibly tender and delicate in showing the world who Arthur is just by simply saying his name #Todd probably thought that the sole name of Arthur was enough to present him to the whole world #That his name alone was enough for us to meet and understand Arthur and fall for him a little waiting for the movie to be released #And you know what? He was right.#I love that in this post all he said was simply 'arthur' and nothing else #It really was the only thing it took for us to be eager to get to know him better #There's something so special in his name... I tried to capture this feeling in this web weaving #I don't know if I managed. Some feelings are hard to capture. but I love making these web weaving and I won't stop❗#I don't make them very often but I should 💙 I love them #jokerownsmysoul #My edit #Arthur weaving

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jadenvargen · 2 months

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free online james baldwin stories, essays, videos, and other resources

**edit

James baldwin online archive with his articles and photo archives.

---NOVELS---

Giovanni's room"When David meets the sensual Giovanni in a bohemian bar, he is swept into a passionate love affair. But his girlfriend's return to Paris destroys everything. Unable to admit to the truth, David pretends the liaison never happened - while Giovanni's life descends into tragedy. This book introduces love's fascinating possibilities and extremities."

Go Tell It On The Mountain"(...)Baldwin's first major work, a semi-autobiographical novel that has established itself as an American classic. With lyrical precision, psychological directness, resonating symbolic power, and a rage that is at once unrelenting and compassionate, Baldwin chronicles a fourteen-year-old boy's discovery of the terms of his identity as the stepson of the minister of a storefront Pentecostal church in Harlem one Saturday in March of 1935. Baldwin's rendering of his protagonist's spiritual, sexual, and moral struggle of self-invention opened new possibilities in the American language and in the way Americans understand themselves."

+bonus: film adaptation on youtube. (if you’re a giancarlo esposito fan, you’ll be delighted to see him in an early preacher role)

Another Country and Going to Meet the Man Another country: "James Baldwin's masterly story of desire, hatred and violence opens with the unforgettable character of Rufus Scott, a scavenging Harlem jazz musician adrift in New York. Self-destructive, bad and brilliant, he draws us into a Bohemian underworld pulsing with heat, music and sex, where desperate and dangerous characters betray, love and test each other to the limit." Going to meet the Man: " collection of eight short stories by American writer James Baldwin. The book, dedicated "for Beauford Delaney", covers many topics related to anti-Black racism in American society, as well as African-American–Jewish relations, childhood, the creative process, criminal justice, drug addiction, family relationships, jazz, lynching, sexuality, and white supremacy."

Just Above My Head"Here, in a monumental saga of love and rage, Baldwin goes back to Harlem, to the church of his groundbreaking novel Go Tell It on the Mountain, to the homosexual passion of Giovanni's Room, and to the political fire that enflames his nonfiction work. Here, too, the story of gospel singer Arthur Hall and his family becomes both a journey into another country of the soul and senses--and a living contemporary history of black struggle in this land."

If Beale Street Could Talk"Told through the eyes of Tish, a nineteen-year-old girl, in love with Fonny, a young sculptor who is the father of her child, Baldwin's story mixes the sweet and the sad. Tish and Fonny have pledged to get married, but Fonny is falsely accused of a terrible crime and imprisoned. Their families set out to clear his name, and as they face an uncertain future, the young lovers experience a kaleidoscope of emotions-affection, despair, and hope. In a love story that evokes the blues, where passion and sadness are inevitably intertwined, Baldwin has created two characters so alive and profoundly realized that they are unforgettably ingrained in the American psyche."

also has a film adaptation by moonlight's barry jenkins

Tell Me How Long the Train's been gone At the height of his theatrical career, the actor Leo Proudhammer is nearly felled by a heart attack. As he hovers between life and death, Baldwin shows the choices that have made him enviably famous and terrifyingly vulnerable. For between Leo's childhood on the streets of Harlem and his arrival into the intoxicating world of the theater lies a wilderness of desire and loss, shame and rage. An adored older brother vanishes into prison. There are love affairs with a white woman and a younger black man, each of whom will make irresistible claims on Leo's loyalty.

---ESSAYS---

Baldwin essay collection. Including most famously: notes of a native son, nobody knows my name, the fire next time, no name in the street, the devil finds work- baldwin on film

--DOCUMENTARIES--

Take this hammer, a tour of san Francisco.

Meeting the man

--DEBATES:--

Debate with Malcolm x, 1963 ( on integration, the nation of islam, and other topics. )

Debate with William Buckley, 1965. ( historic debate in america. )

Heavily moderated debate with Malcolm x, Charles Eric Lincoln, and Samuel Schyle 1961. (Primarily Malcolm X's debate on behalf of the nation of islam, with Baldwin giving occassional inputs.)

----

apart from themes obvious in the book's descriptions, a general heads up for themes of incest and sexual assault throughout his works.

#james baldwin #motivated by i think people here think it's harder to find resources and read than it actually is. so much stuff online!#motivation nr 2 wtf

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