#anyway. explodes
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Joel wakes up screaming.
His first thought, honestly, isn’t very coherent. A mishmash of need more time and a throat-tearing scream escaping him as he opens his eyes to–
His scream dies down. Joel looks around– at least, he thinks he’s looking around. Hard to tell when it’s all pitch black and he can’t see a thing, is he sure his eyes are working–?
Joel brings a hand to his face, “Did I go blind– What the heck!”
His voice comes out shrill, a hair away from a shriek (because no, it wasn’t a shriek, it was all manly and stuff, thank you.) as his hand kind of– it kinda–
He knows where his head is. Obviously. Be a bit weird if he didn’t. He knows where his head is, and he knows where his hand is. Both are important. So when he reached towards his head, right, gotta see if there’s a cloth over his eyes, or if he’s gone blind or whatever stupid thing must’ve happened to him after… After he…
His thoughts go fuzzy for a second, like that feeling you get when you think you’ve forgotten something but can’t remember what. Like knowing the shape of something you’ve lost, its absence so pressing that it chokes you like sand, clogging your lungs with each second it's gone but what the heck is it–?!
Where was he, again?
Oh. Right. He was freaking out.
The point is– because there was a point, right before things got all weird there– his hand went through his head.
It… He doesn’t even know how to explain it. It felt like… Not much, really. Didn’t feel like anything. But that’s the issue with it, the issue of something should be there, like skin and muscle and bone and perhaps even a brain. But instead, Joel put his hand where his face should be and he felt nothing, no matter how hard he tried, how far he reached and pushed and–
Joel wants to scream. Or laugh. Or cry. Either of the three, though preferably not that last one.
It’s so weird. He just wants…
There it is again. That feeling. The clawing, desperate something in his chest that twists and writhes–
“Hey, Joel.”
Joel screams. (First option, then.)
Jimmy just stares at him, unimpressed. His sunglasses are blocking his eyes.
For some reason, it makes Joel want to cry.
Jimmy sighs, “Are you done?” Joel gapes at him.
Are you serious, “Am I d– What the heck, Jimmy?” He snaps, “Don’t sneak up on me like that, I’m not bloody Grian–”
Since when did Jimmy get so quiet, anyway?
“Of course you’re not Grian,” Jimmy says, his voice all weird. Off. “It’d be easier if you were. He’s already moved on.”
Joel’s hackles rise, “What d’you mean it’d be easier?” He snarls, like snapping teeth. “And he hasn’t moved on, he’s just–”
“Looking for new friends?” Jimmy deadpans. Joel’s jaw clicks shut. “ ‘s what I thought.”
Oh, Joel wants to punch him in the–
Wait a second.
It comes back to him then, slamming into him like a wave. The bubbling, helpless laughter in his chest as he leaps and runs across a flimsy dirt bridge. The way he knows he’s fallen before, fallen a million different times and came out both dead and alive but he doesn’t care.
("–you can't keep doing this–")
He doesn’t (didn’t) care, because why should he, he’s got– he’s got water. He’s got water, like everyone else on this blumin’ server, he’ll live, surely, so there’s no need to be scared.
("–got to let go, eventually, right–?")
No need to worry, even as yellow feathers plummet and disappear from view and lightning strikes where Jimmy’s voice cut off–
“Joel!” Jimmy shouts, practically right in his face. “Joel, are you even listening–?”
This, Joel decides, is not Jimmy.
It's got the shape of Jimmy, sure. Right hair and face and everything. Right voice, right bloody curve of his eyebrows, which makes Joel laugh, because it isn't him.
It can't be. It can't be, because Jimmy's dead. Jimmy's gone, he ran out of time because he fell like an idiot so no, this can't be him, there's no way.
On all levels except physical, Joel can't seem to breathe.
There's no way this is Jimmy, he thinks, just the right amount of hysterical. It's just not possible.
Because if this is him, (and that's a big, gigantic if) then that means– That means wherever he went, Joel followed. Joel followed, and now they're in the Void, or Limbo, or whatever the heck it's called, and that means that Joel–
Joel failed Grian, too.
"You're not Jimmy," He says at last, with his not-there tongue and not-there face. His voice sounds distant. "He'd be like, crying. Screamin' about dying first again, going oh my gosh!" Joel tells Not-Jimmy, pitching his voice up and then laughs, laughs, and laughs.
Until he can't breathe. Until it hurts to.
Until it's not much of a laugh at all.
Light shines on Not-Jimmy's sunglasses. He's still the only thing Joel can see.
Joel reaches out, pretending to see two, shaking hands grab Jimmy by the shoulders. He pretends, thinks about it hard enough that he almost feels the texture of Jimmy's denim under his palms. He thinks, imagines, pretends, whatever, that the fabric crinkles under his touch, that the sob that makes his way past his lips is a laugh as he says, "I'm sorry."
Something wet trickles down his not-there face.
" 'm sorry, Jim," Joel rasps out, and it hurts. "You weren't supposed to– I had a surprise for you, you know?"
Jimmy's voice is quiet, "What kind of surprise?" He asks, and Joel…
Joel thinks he might be falling apart.
(Or maybe, his mind supplies, he shattered a long while ago. Like glass hitting the floor.)
He grins, or at least, he tries to. "I was gonna break your curse," He confesses, with his terrible, trembling mouth. "I was gonna sacrifice myself for you, be all heroic and everything."
Jimmy says nothing. Joel still can't see his eyes.
"I'm sorry."
He's getting tired of pretending.
"Will you come with me now?" Jimmy– Not-Jimmy says, his voice ringing like the toll of a bell. "You've said your piece, not many are afforded that luxury."
Joel blinks. Death stands before him, no sunglasses to cover empty sockets.
For a moment, Joel considers fighting. Again, and again, and again.
But he is so, very tired.
He sighs.
I don't feel very lucky, Joel wants to say. And you still aren't Jimmy.
"Whatever," He says instead. He feels his entire being slip away like sand, like time held tightly between two fists. "Take me away, or whatever it is you do."
Joel closes his eyes, "I'll tell him when I see him."
#ryan's writing#joel smallishbeans#smallishbeans#jimmy solidarity#solidaritygaming#solidarity gaming#trafficblr#limited life#limited life spoilers#limited life smp#limlife#limlife smp#limlife spoilers#the bad boys#limlife bad boys#smallidarity#<<can be read as romantic or platonic methinks#also! this is my first time writing joel properly :D so i hope its good!#anyway. explodes
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It's about like.
Willow fought to be seen as strong, because she is and for a very long time people not only convinced her that she wasn't, but that a lack of strength correlated to a lack of worth. And because of this past of having to prove herself and rediscover who she is and could be, Willow accidentally internalized the idea that others perception of her as strong is conditional on her always succeeding despite the obstacles, always staying in control and on top of things, always being the shoulder to cry on, etc etc.
And to an extent, she was right! Amity (unintentionally and well meaningly) refused to acknowledge willow's strength, leading to her having to prove herself, Boscha takes great pleasure in pointing out the chinks in willow's armour because Boscha feels better about herself when someone else is beneath her and she most often makes Willow that target. These are examples in which someone (correctly) paints Willow as pretending to be strong, but act like if they peeled back that facade, all you'd be left with is weak, half a witch willow. Whereas Hunter and Gus understand that even if you peel back willow's front of strength to see the more vulnerable side of her, there's still a strong foundation that takes little time in getting back into the swing of things once she's let it all out. Willow can be reliable and have debilitating anxiety. She can be whiney and needy and still be brave and powerful. Reliable people need someone to rely on too.
Willow's arc in labyrinth runners meant a lot to me because being consistently told that you are weak and need the help of people who love you but who struggle to understand you and see past their own need to protect you, by those people hit close to home and was incredibly validating to see. Somebody once compared the writing of those interactions to microaggressions, and intentional or not it resonated with me bc of that I think.
And now willow's arc in FTF completes this in a way that's very viscerally satisfying to me. Because proving your worth to people, no matter how successfully you do so, takes such a toll on your own mental well being and self perception. Bottling up your emotions so you don't drag others down is so difficult. And you deserve to cry like a big fucking baby if you've been doing this. Let it out!
For the future is an episode about being seen and heard, so to have Willow be so thoroughly seen and heard not just by the people who understand her best within the show, but also by the writers and consequently the audience is just.
It's what she deserves. And I love her very much
#ramblings of a lunatic#the owl house#toh#willow park#i have art i want to make of herrrrr but i have 27 mental illnesses and am banned from most public spaces#just listen to con man by the tuts and think abt her for me! please!!!#this could've been a huntlow post but i restrained myself. barely. anyway just know that hunter is my fav narrative foil for willow#and that is absolutely the reason I'm so obsessed with them#it's about everyone but you getting to define your own identity and then you saying. actually what if you didn't do that. bitch#and specifically how she helps him w/ this and then it comes full circle and he helps her with this#neither of them can tolerate the other talking bad about themselves and it just so happens that they share the same struggles#so by comforting the person they love it loops back around to being a form of self comfort. self recognition (then love) through the other#anyway. explodes
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attack for my friend @gaiaxyswitch of her character lena :) and then i drew her Againe. because i wanted to
lena … 2!!!
#anytime i make finished art an angel gets its wings#to be completely fair i just felt a little bad about my original attack cuz it’s kinda half assed#like it looks good but i speedran it at like 1am or something cuz i really wanted to draw lena that year#so a few days ago i just thought i would draw her Againe. for realsies :)#anyway. explodes#myart
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going clinically balls to the walls insane thinking abt that thing ONE said abt reigen having an older sister
#my art#mob psycho 100#reigen arataka#the lore in my brain for this woman......none of you would understand#it is so important to me to make up women who suck so bad and are terrible people#also regarding the hair it can be either genetic or they just started bleaching together as kids and never stopped#choose your own adventure#anyway going to dump many random thoughts here sorry for being sick about a double made up woman#probs she and reigen don't see each other a lot i imagine she lives in a different city or at least like a fancier part of seasoning city#also is just busy a lot she like sells fancy high end stuff for lots of monies i think she has to be scummy as hell#i do think they care each other but i think if they spend too much time around each other they get tired of each other#like they wear each other out very fast bc they're both like high energy but in slightly different ways#anyway. explodes
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There is no such thing as unbiased reporting. Not only check your sources but check where they’re getting their info from and the other kinds of things they’re saying. Even if you trust your source because you’ve gotten it from a friend or youve seen it a lot check it. EVEN IF YOU AGREE WITH WHAT A SOURCE IS SAYING, CHECK WHO IT’S FROM. The next time I see a link that’s supposed to support palestine and click it and scroll for two seconds and see something like ‘down with Israhell’ (that phrase has been a right-wing antisemitic dogwhistle for many many years) I’m going to explode. We can protest human rights violations and push for peace without spreading misinformation or propaganda.
Please keep in mind that if you just started paying attention to Palestine on October 7th, propaganda and misinformation pre-dates your interest in this. Jews have been in what is now Palestine for thousands of years, and the current clusterfuck dates back much farther than 1948. If you think there is nothing complicated, that there is no nuance in the current conflict, you don’t know enough about it. You can (and should) condemn the IDF’s human rights violations and condemn that warmongering idiot Netanyahu and support liberation of Palestinians and protest the occupation of the West Bank and apartheid and all the horrendous things happening there WITHOUT spreading easily disproven falsehoods about Hamas or falling for old shitty propaganda that uses Zionist as a code word for ‘Jew’. If you feel the need to post about the situation in Palestine beyond the obviously good and necessary calls for humanitarian aid, pleeease do just a little reading up on it first. Even just a little. Read at least the Wikipedia page on the war of 1948, AKA the Nakba (the whole article, if you don’t branch out to other sources; Israel and Palestine have different narratives about it, as you might expect). Read the Hamas charter of 1988 and the revised one of 2017 where they changed their language to be more palatable to international support, notice what they leave out of the more recent version, how they claim indigineity solely for themselves while implicitly denying it to Arab Jews who have inhabited that land for thousands of years, how in the newer version they call Israel ‘the Zionist project’ and erase the fact of the British colonial experiment that got us into this mess and lay all the blame at the feet of Israel. Horrible shit Israel is doing is just as important, but given you’re on tumblr, I assume you already know all about that. Just make room in your mind for multiple truths: that Israel is committing horrific human rights abuses with a tremendous disregard for civilian lives; that the Palestinian people are suffering and in desperate need of humanitarian aid; that Hamas is a right wing extremist organization whose leaders proudly say they will repeat October 7th over and over, and who call their own citizens martyrs to their cause after using them as shields. Hamas is not Palestine, Netanyahu is not Israel, and you are not immune to propaganda.
#first and last time I post about current events#if anyone twists this into Islamophobia or antisemitism I’ll also explode#both are hugely on the rise and a huge reason for that is uncritical swallowing of propaganda#just. think about what you post. this is a public platform.#yes I am more emotional about this than would be politically useful#my family was threatened so. I’m upset.#anyway I’ll never talk about this again I hope#might chicken out and delete this anyway#anyway. explodes
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I have so much stuff to reply to and doodle requests from people to finish but I’m sososleepy I think I’m gonna. Go to bed. My classes start up again tomorrow too fuckkk
#I hate sociology and I hate studying and textbooks and reports#That’s a lie. I love sociology#Anyway. Explodes#red talks
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wish it was may so bad already. bwah
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not romantic not platonic but a secret third thing [what would happen between earth and the moon if the earth stopped spinning as illustrated by xkcd randall munroe]
#'your moon is here' things that make me explode like a supernova#UGHHHHHHH what if i was perpetually in your orbit. influencing the tides. protecting you from asteroids. and slowly drifting further away.#then you stopped moving and i was only pulse to your dead heart. orbiting you. right where ive been left. and so you started turning again.#ria.txt#personal#space opera au#(<- not about what you think is about)#hiiii this is gaining traction so glad we're all going insane :D your moon is here is SO fucked up. so good.#xkcd#randall munroe#space#moon#anyways xkcd comics are so good. entertaining witty and informative. check em out!
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IT’S MURDER ON THE DANCE FLOOR—-
AND YOU BETTER NOT KILL THE GROOVE!!
#my art#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#william afton#purple guy#IVE HAD THIS SONG ON MY PLAYLISTS FOR AGES AND IVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR WEEKS IF YOU THINK THIS IS A TIKTOK THING I WILL EXPLODE#sorry. normal again. anyways.#springtrap
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screaming
#collab when#@ watcher hello?? simone?? collab when?? please reach out#i dont actually know if simone is still working for them but i assume yes lol#anyway id explode#dan and phil#dan and phil games#watcher#ryan bergara#shane madej#dnp
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Fanart for a snippet of my most favorite heartbreaking moment from swordsmans's fic bone-breaker ospreys mate for life (rated E)
#zolu#luzo#one piece#comic#i love this fic i love this fic AAUUGHH!!!!#this scene exploded my heart#okay so artist note luffy only has forehead bandages in SOME panels in his post-raid outfit#he doesn't at the post-raid party itself but he does on the hillside spectating the momo / marine guy fight#so i guess he just got a knock on the head at the party or something??#his cheek bandage also switches sides between when he's recovering post-raid and the party#u never realize how impressionistic oda is w detail stuff until u gotta place patterns on clothing n bandages on boys#anyways very happy w how page 4 turned out#luffys autism stare n big big smile
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#let her speak
Derry Girls (2018-2022)
Season 2 | Episode 3
#*mine#derry girls#michelle mallon#erin quinn#derrygirlsedit#tvedit#sitcomedit#usersitcom#dailyflicks#userstream#userdavid#userrlaura#nessa007#usersugar#useraurore#userallisyn#userrobin#dailynetflix#userkam#filmtvcentral#me when who??? [explodes]#anyways. obsessed with clare looking absolutely DISGUSTED#michelle is so fucking funny i swear her DELIVERY in this scene#pinning this bc michelle is quickly becoming an ultimate character for me. and turquoise reasons
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Hey, hi, hello its me, #1 Senshi fan excited for the anime debut tomorrow :]]]]]
#look at him!! appreciate him!!!#i should draw something for the occasion#chitchat#dungeon meshi#senshi#this is not even a quarter of the images i have of him#anyway *explodes*
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happy and proud!!
✷(print shop)✷
#mine#original#sm how managed 2 miss pride month....but its pride month every month in this house hold#ive read two bad YA books so far this month as a break from th 2nd farseer book but now.....i am back.........i am reading th 3rd one#its gna make my brain explode i can feel it#n then idk what i will read. maybe th hands of th emperor#could i read smth other than 800 page epic fantasy pls#the YA books werent too bad for YA but they hve that YA cringe 2 it. idk how u people read it constantly#if i hve 2 read th word 'heck' one more time#also theres always like. disney channel vibes. like i read gay YA romance n its so sanitised n vanilla. its so superficial#like i get this is for 16 year olds but were is the longing. the yearing. these guys are fanfic tropes stuck 2gether 2 glue.#also. what is with nearly every mlm romance / fantasy being YA not adult fiction. whats up w that#anyway hve a good evenin im gna do knitting!!!!!!!!!!!!
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return of oc "marmalade" who prior to running away to the circus was a tailor who simply hated making clothes for other people. they just want to make fun fits for themself...... perhaps an exception can be made for the captain...........
#one piece#marmalade#buggy the clown#oc#fit based off of a venice carnival costume that made my mind explode.#anyway.................
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rollo and ramshackle 🍤🔔🐱
#twisted wonderland#twst#ツイステ#ツイステッドワンダーランド#mmarts#twst oc#twst yuu#twst grim#rollo flamme#i miss him lol anyway cant wait to add fellow and gidel to ramshackle gang and we all explode
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