#anyway the truth is i'm not sure if this really IS my style of drawing paps ASKDLHGLKDHG | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hansama · 8 months

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I tried to sketch Papyrus in both my art style and @skull-otaku xD

#undertale #papyrus #undertale papyrus #i was going to do a warm-up sketch #i remembered the papyrus tutorial skull-otaku made #so i did paps in both our styles xDDD #this was very spontaneous LOL #anyway the truth is i'm not sure if this really IS my style of drawing paps ASKDLHGLKDHG #I DON'T HAVE ONE?? X'DDD #but at least this is how i draw the head! i think!!!! x'DDDDD #also paps is still not easy for me to draw ==;;#he problem isn't with the head i think but rather with the body???#Also the mouth sometimes ASDGDJ #idk idk xDDDD #have a drawing of two papses!!!#they're cute!#i don't think i did Skull-otaku's art style justice but i tried my best x'DDD #their whole artstyle is nice i like their sans as well #also this made me realize how wide I draw pap's head in comparison to other artstyles x'DDDD #their paps head is very long/vertical/thin?? XDDDDD #it's really cute

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astrowaffle · 5 months

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Wow you guys really seemed to like the steampunk AU, that post got way more attention than I was expecting, so here's some more information and stuff:

-The world is still like a videogame that they got trapped in but now it’s a steampunk adventure-y type game with circus elements

-The adventures are probably a bit different

-They’re probably more like, fantasy adventure video game style things with like puzzles and fighting? Idk I'm not a big gamer I've never actually played any steampunk video games. What are those like?

-Instead of circus tent, there is a big wagon thingy that I'll draw eventually

-there's still not much of a story and I'm not sure If there'll ever be

-I'd also kinda want to make some mini comics for this au but I suck at coming up with ideas :/

Pomni:

-She likes to craft things

-friends with Gangle and Ragatha

-still very anxious but less anxious then normal Pomni?

-has a very logical mind and is good at puzzling things together but also doesn’t do well under pressure and typically panics in stressful moments where these skills might be useful

-She can play the flute because flutes are good, they are the best instrument. (I am totally not biased just because I play the flute in marching band)

-My headcanon for regular Pomni is that she’s less anxious than she initially is in the pilot after getting used to things, like, beyond the anxiety, her actual personality is very cheery and friendly, also very logical, because idk it just fits her somehow? So yea, that headcanon also applies to this au

-but of course she is still an absolute nervous wreck because yes

-How else is she supposed to react in this situation

-also look at those fingerless gloves I want those

-the gears in her eyes turn when she is thinking

Gangle:

-Also likes crafting things

-friends with Pomni, Zooble, and Kinger

-she often borrows sewing needles from Ragatha to sew her comedy mask back together when it’s torn, and also constantly tries to craft new ones

-She really likes her boots

-I don’t blame her those are some nice boots

-Ok wait a minute what if that little wing bow thingy on her head is actually a pen/quill that she can use to write stuff?

-ooooooh yes I like that

Caine:

-✨monocle✨

-He can control the time of day with the clock that’s on his hat

-It’s a lot harder for him to heal injuries in this world, he can’t just instantly fix anything anymore it requires a bit more effort

-I’m doing this because I like when injury and pain and suffering

Bubble: um- idk it’s just bubble but now they’re a robot I guess

Kinger:

-ok but what if he had a collection of mechanical insects? Omg designing mechanical insects would be so fun-

-The clock that he wears is broken but he doesn’t notice. And Time is irrelevant anyways

-damn those gloves are fancy

-they probably feel really silky

-and his robe is also very silky because mmm good texture

Zooble:

-They are a robot now

-also a mechanic/inventor because nobody else is and somebody had to learn how to make new robot parts

-their right arm can go s t r e t c h

-bonds with Gangle over their hatred of Jax

-they’re also kinda protective over her

-I lowkey ship them (this ship is so underrated)

-No but seriously why do see zero art of this ship

- Zoob’s in denial about their feelings and still pretends not to care because they’ve had such a “I don’t give a shit about anything” attitude that suddenly developing feelings for someone has caught them off guard cause they suddenly are giving a shit about something and they don’t know how to handle it, But if Jax does anything to Gangle they will rush in to protect her in a heartbeat and just try to play it off as it just being because they don’t like Jax BUT WE ALL KNOW THE TRUTH ZOOBLE JUST CONFESS ALREADY-

-ok that got way too rambly let's just move on now

Jax:

-MY FAVORITE

-he likes shiny things

-He will collect those shiny things

-He also very fast because look at those LANKY RABBIT LEGS

-I mean technically that’s already cannon, did you see how fast he ran away after seeing abstracted kaufmo? He just z o o m e d outta there

-those keys on the chain are only a small portion of his collection

-his room is definitely full of weird steampunk knick knacks because yes

-He uses them to prank people

-the centipedes he has to scare/annoy Ragatha are mechanical

-I’m so excited to design mechanical centipedes I love bugs so much guys you have no idea I finally have an excuse to draw insects and maybe people will actually care because it’s fandom related now

-He does not like getting wet. At all. (this is also just a general headcanon for him but especially in this au)

-floofy

Ragatha:

-the seams of her fabric are prone to tearing so she always carries a needle and thread to sew herself back together. she's good at sewing

-My main headcannon for normal Ragatha is that her button eye is a parallel to an eye injury she had in real life before joining the circus, but in this AU she probably acquired the injury in this universe.

-she’s good at using tools and weapons but not in like, a mechanic sorta way like Zooble but in a defense sorta way

-like, she’s very kind and caring but also sorta tough and even though her body is good at falling apart, she knows how to use strategy to fight and um wait what would they even be fighting-

-idk I haven’t thought about that yet

-Gloinks?????

-do those exist in this au???

-wait it’s my au why am I asking this

-overall she is very, “tries to help everyone else and seems very tough on the outside but is prone to falling apart both physically and mentally but just gets good at quickly patching it up and ignoring it until it become too much for her to bear”

-pls help her she needs therapy

-they all need therapy

-I’m pretty sure we’ve all established that at this point

-but I’m just making sure you know that it’s still a consistent factor in this au

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aikoiya · 2 months

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LoZ: LU - The Lantern of the Lost

I have this idea for an item that's been rolling around in my head for several years.

It's a dark blue/black frame lantern with a peculiar flame inside.

Like this:

The lantern has a tassel attached to the bottom with a silver bell, that when it rings, it draws in Poe Souls so long as they haven't taken on the form of enemy Poes. Those souls then join the flame until it is time for them to be taken to the Bargainer Statues.

The flame itself almost seems to pulse like a heartbeat.

Regardless, its design would have a definitive Sheikah influence. Not technologically, but magically & design wise. Even featuring a very ancient iteration of the Mind's Eye symbol, one with a very destinctly Depths script style design to it.

Something kinda like this:

(Obviously not done. There are definitely some mistakes. Also not sure which looks better.)

This is what I have so far.

Nowhere near done yet. I definitely think the lanter itself is too simple for what I want, but I'm liking the general shape of it at the very least.

Other designs could include Depths-style versions of the Shadow Medallion symbol & such things.

Anyway, when held by someone who hasn't unlocked said the Mind's Eye, it will merely act as an ordinary, if magically-powered lantern with an ordinary flame. Though, it will consume the holder's magic, just not very quickly.

However, it has to be the actual Mind's Eye. Otherwise, the flame won't be the one in the picture above & won't be able to house the Poe Souls. It doesn't work with the Lense of Truth or the Mask of Truth. There's just a different level & even quality of magic that runs through your 3rd eye when you have access to the ability itself that very simply can't be fully replicated artificially. Sure, the Mind's Eye can't literally see through chests the way the Lense of Truth can, but it has a number of other benefits that the Lense doesn't.

Something else is that the light from the lantern can essentially project the power of the Mind's Eye outward, thus allowing those around the holder to also see the spirits. Both living & dead ones. Not to mention passed illusions. You see, someone with the power can see the Poe Souls as people. Much like how the ghosts of Rhoam & the Champions appeared. Though, more wispy & most normal people only have a couple of those little green flames floating around them. It also allows those nearby to hear the Poe Souls speak.

Though the Shadow Soldiers are merely echos of the people they were. The souls of those soldiers have already moved on, but they were able to leave a bit of themselves behind. Their dying wish to protect Hyrule in whatever way they could is what allowed such shadows to manifest. One with the Mind's Eye & those near them while holding the lantern could hear the Shadow Soldiers too, but it'd be little more than whispers of what they'd been thinking & feeling at the time of their death. Their most desperate desire. The one that keeps such echos anchored to the Depths.

Which brings up something. The fact that a lot of the Links seem to have a tendency towards seeing, interacting with, or soothing spirits or ghosts. You think it's something to do with the Spirit of the Hero?

Either way, I'd really like to see a half-Sheikah Link using this lantern. So, maybe this could be a part of the Library of Nayru story.

Either way, I'd want whichever Link ends up with it to also learn the Song of Healing & the Song of the Sun for the sake of soothing the souls of the dead.

Of course, it wouldn't always work immediately. Sometimes, Link would have to help them finish something or talk to them about something. Though, in the case of Poes & Imp Poes having taken on enemy form, it'd require a bit more work. Specifically, "killing" them with either a Light or Twilight-based attack. Either from a spell or a weapon. Doing so will destroy them & leave behind both a Poe Soul & a few Dark Clumps.

Such methods also work on undead enemies, such as Stals, Redeads, & Gibdos, & corrupted enemies such as Wolfos, Bullbos, Vulpos (the Keaton enemies from MC), Iron Knuckles, Furnixes, ect.

In the case of the latter, it purifies them, turning them back to their original forms. And in the cases of the Keatons, Iron Knuckles, & Furnixes, you'll get something out of it. If not rewards, then information or quests at the very least later on.

In fact, I could see purifying a Keaton near the beginning of the game ending up being the linchpin to Link learning the Mind's Eye technique to begin with. Perhaps the Keaton even becomes the companion for this game.

Though, I can also see him getting on a lot of players' nerves, because I tend to portray the Keaton as wise & clever, but very mischievous (occasionally just outright demanding Keatonzushi & Keaton Udon). Having a distinctly Cheshire Cat vibe, though his questions always have answers & it's always something that Link is supposed to be able to figure out on his own. Aside from riddles, I also tend to see the Keaton as being fans of the Socratic Method.

By this I mean, that they ask a lot of questions, fully knowing the answers themselves, but also expects Link to be able to think for himself & thus use said questions as a way to force Link to think critically.

Despite this, they are also not shy in telling Link when he's done a good job & will always repay a favor in kind.

In a way, I suppose that I see this particular Link as the sort who genuinely enjoys things like puzzles, brainteasers, riddles, & the like. Also having that classic Hero curiosity.

LoZ Linked Universe Masterlist

#loz #legend of zelda #tears of the kingdom #totk #linked universe #lu #spirit tracks #st #phantom hourglass #hg #majora's mask #mm

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nickelstudy · 4 months

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JLPT N1 Experience

So first of all, Happy New Year. It has been a while since I've updated this blog. I've been feeling depressed in the past few weeks, I think it's because of drawing? I feel like I haven't been performing well in art, and that it's hard to accept painful truth that I cannot please everyone- not that it matters on this blog, but it's WHY I decide to take some time to write an update here.

I was supposed to talk about my first experience with N1 but I got busy after. I caught up in many stuff, I guess, plus I was busy with my birthday and helping my family's work throughout the month. But now that it's over, let's talk shall we?

Before That

I haven't talked about my last week strategy, here's what I did.

Stopped learning Kanji and do the drills instead

Finished Shinkanzen Grammar in the first section. I had some days left, so I skimmed through the second section without doing the exercise (I did for A - D i think but- I definitely shouldn't)

Borrowed these two books (pic below). For reading, I did every bit of every question style (there were like 6 of them right? Short passage, Long, etc.)

And for listening, I tried to rush through it but I kinda gave up with the chapter III or IV I'm not sure.

I switched between two of them on the last day

FYI the blue book is actually fantastic! I think I've said it before but it has explanation for each answers. I think it's super cool.

Now For N1

Chapter 1: Before exam

For context, I travelled to the exam location alone, so I wasn't bounded by anyone and I could roam anywhere. I got out early, and arrived there pretty early. But walking from the entrance to the exam spot took a while, to the point where I doubted to myself if I was going in the right direction. There were many people there already. I think the morning peeps had already entered the room when I arrived.

I had lunch and... wander around (Typical Pikmin Bloom player). There wasn't much to do anyway. I decided to take a quick review of some onomatopoeia and other vocabs. I think at that point, nothing is more important than vocabs. It was a while before they allowed us to go up the building. Anyway, I SAW A KID in a highschooler outfit in front of the same room as mine! IM- I DON'T KNOW?? HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO BE THIS GOOD AT THAT AGE?? And of course we entered the room. I sat not so far from the entrance.

One thing that bothers me is the fact that they never announced to bring a mask but they asked everyone to wear it in the room?? Luckily, I had it on already.

Chapter 2: The Exam

Sorry for the long introduction haha. SO, starting off with vocabs, grammars, and reading. I skipped to grammar secion first because it's not too hard or too easy. It's all fuzzy now but I did okay(?)

There was あっての that's pretty easy. But there was one of them that bugged me and I was wrong on that one too. It's といたしまして... so weird, I didn't expect it to answer that. ALSO, HONORIFIC VERB CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD but i think i answered it right.

Then onto reading section because I was really scared if I couldn't finished it. It- took me a while to finish each of them but in a fair amount of time. It's like 10 minutes left that I switched to doing vocabs with a lightning speed because I FORGOT there was a fill in the blanks and not just guessing kanji's reading.

I almost got 誇張 (こちょう) wrong as こうちょう

There were 奇跡、偏り、矛盾、賄う、軽率 in which i had no problems

Filling the words is where I had problem due to hurriness. I missed the 快挙 cause I don't know the word.

見返り too, because there was a word that I thought it meant (repay) and not the first

I GOT ONOMATOPOEIA WRONG ANYwAY HECC YEA i didn't know what つくづく means so i went with きっかり or きっぱり im not sure

Also there was a sentence that was supposed to mean "His body condition was..." I thought it was "worsen" so I went with 崩れる except no it's the opposite "ほぐれる". I didn't know that word but i've seen it before it's the goodamn spirit's name from the game.

I didn't know what 尺度 means or how it is read but I got the meaning substitution right (yay) (it's standard)

Here's the fun one. デマ... THIS WORD THAT I NEED TO GUESS HOW IT IS USED WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING ITS MEANING. I tried to came up with the word this word could come from. Dermatologist? Demand? Theme??? (that's テーマ) I had no idea and got it wrong eventually. Can you guess?

It's "Demagogie", a German word meaning false rumor... WHO WOULD'VE GUESSED. I asked one of my Japanese if she knew. Of course she did. She even gave me an alternative for it too... but I forgot. I only know that's it in katakana (im sorry)

Last minute i left one Mondai randomly answered!

For Choukai, it was so goddamn fast. I am certain that if it wasn't fast, it would be manageable for me. I honestly don't know if I scored it well or not, the last listening part were as hard as ever. ONE THING ABT IT THOUGH, there was a part where they were talking in a cafe about how the shop owner use a coffee beans? I think?

ANd FOR GOD'S SAKE WHAT'S WITH THE BACKGROUND MUSIC??? My concentration was popped away, I kept glancing around wondering if what I was hearing was someone's phone or the tape's music. I don't even know what the question really was to be honest.

What's Next?

I- I don't know. I just need to wait for the result. But I'll try to slowly get back to learning a bit Korean and Japanese every day again. Probably need to brush up Memrise and Anki. At least 5 mins a day haha. Thanks for reading til here. Keep on learning! I'll make sure to do my best for learning languages this year too!

I don't have new year's resolution but I guess.. continue ASL? I got busy that I have no time to do it anymore. I doubt if I can do it, considering I'll be busy with internship next academic year.

Anyway, have a great year everyone. Hope you have a good luck and success with studying and anything you are willing to pursue this year.

#JP #JPlog #log #studyblr #should i even tag this idk lol

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whatdoyoumeanitsnotcanon · 2 years

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(I'm back with a second helping of Guilliman soup)

Terra was beautiful at night.

It was the curse of a historitor, you supposed, to know so many heartbreaking truths. The first time you saw a painting of the ancient oceans of Terra, long lost, you cried. There was so much the people of the Imperium didn't know, and perhaps never would. Maybe it was for the best, to never miss what you didn't know you had.

Either way, it was all in the past now. You weren't a historitor anymore.

And you were getting married tomorrow.

You glanced back at your regalia. It was a magnificent ensemble, gold and white, grand in the style of the old Imperium, but soft, warm. You hadn't had much of a say in what you were wearing. Or any of the planning, for the matter.

The more you reflected, the more you wondered how much of a say you really had in the whole affair at all. It might have been different, had you been marrying a normal man. But you weren't.

Throne, you were going to marry Roboute Guilliman.

A few months after the fateful confrontation in his office, the two of you had been sitting in his personal chambers, conversing late into the night over a bottle of wine, as had become your routine.

The courtship had been awkward, at first. It still was, in many ways. Despite your education, you were basically a backwater bumpkin who had stumbled into the right credentials and experience, and he was... A demigod. The age difference, too, haunted you a bit. But neither dissuaded him. He continued to visit you, to ask you to visit him, when there was time. You moved, slowly, from separate chairs to sharing the ottoman to leaning against each other. He was warm.

The bottle was nearing empty, and there was a pleasant buzz around your senses. You leaned against Guilliman's arm (though you called him Roboute, sometimes, intimately, Rob in private now.) And he stroked your shoulder, pulling you closer. He spoke into your ear.

"Marry me."

"No preamble? Should I be offended?" You chuckled and looked up at him. He wasnt laughing. You sat up. "Rob, oh, you... You weren't... You weren't joking, were you?"

"No. I am not."

"It's early. It's only been a few months, I don't think... Are you sure?"

"I've never been more certain of anything in my life."

You let out a long breath. "I'm... Can we even do that?"

"Of course we can." He added, more quietly. "I made sure if it."

You stopped, suddenly finding a fascinating pattern on the rug.

Roboute knelt in front of you. "I swear to you, not an ounce of harm will come to you as long as I draw breath. I will bring you stars in a gift box if you ask it. I'll lay worlds at your feet. Let me show you. All I ask is that you stand beside me. Think about it tonight, and give me your answer tomorrow evening." His eyes were alight, it took all your courage not to shrink. He leaned forward and kissed your forehead, then left.

You didn't sleep that night.

When you told him yes the next day, the chamber bathed in the amber light of the Terran sunset, he swept you into into his arms and spun you around, the both of you laughing.

And now you were getting married, in possibly the biggest hoopla Terra had seen in centuries.

Roboute wanted a small ceremony, but the Administratum would hear none of it. After all, what better story to sell the people of the Imperium than a royal wedding? It made a nice reprieve from the military parades, at least, though your wedding festivities would involve enough marching retinues that it might as well be one anyway. In the week leading up to the wedding alone, you had attended so many events you were certain your face was burned into holo-vid players across the galaxy. You had quickly become a symbol to the people of the Imperium, the normal citizen granted such an extraordinary honor, to wed a Primarch. It was like a fairy tale. You were becoming an excellent propaganda piece, despite Roboute's efforts to keep you out of the public eye as much as possible.

You tried not to think about how many people would be watching you get married. At least Roboute would be there. You were sleeping separately until tomorrow, of course. The prospect of tomorrow night had you blushing with excitement and shaking with dread all at once. You tried not to think about it.

You climbed into bed, sleep slowly coming to claim you. Tomorrow your life would end and start again.

You could only hope you made the right choice.

A wing over, Guilliman stared into his fireplace. Haunted by thoughts of you, and tomorrow, and tomorrow night. He was beyond pleased that you had accepted, he had worried when you hesitated he would be forced to use... Coercion. But there was no need, and your blooming relationship continues unimpeded. He just had to keep you close.

He relaxed on his massive bed, preparing to sleep. Despite his size, he couldn't fill it. Soon, it would never be lonely again.

(once again, no proof reading because that's work. I just shit this into your asks lol sorry)

#wh40crack.#you're doing the Emperor's work anon!#warhammer 40k #primarch x reader #yandere!primarch x reader #roboute guilliman

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digenerate-trash · 9 months

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HI I just wanted to say that your art is so tasty I love seeing what you make every time you post, even if it's just lil doodles !

I adore your style and I love the way you color, especially the colors themselves,,, the way they turn out whether from the color pallet or a filter or whatever you use make them turn out really well!! they're so pretty and nice to look at aaaaaaa

I remember seeing your art for the first time a couple months ago and i immediately went 👀👀👀, mainly the style intrigued me but it was also a harper drawing and I'm obsessed with that man, jshsjsh but anyway im glad i followed you because your art of the other characters are really good too, i love your designs for them hehe. also it's fun seeing you draw in different styles and doing more ambitious (?? not sure if that's the right word) stuff! like some of the stuff you make blows me away like "holy shit" jzhjahaka- it's been a hot minute since ive properly lurked on ur blog again but what i have in mind is like the clove drawing with all the different versions, like that was dope kshsksn

anyway, I'm rambling. just wanted to say thank you for feeding us with your lovely art and I hope you have a good day/night, depending when you read this

Dude you have no idea what a hellish week this has been and I'm so happy to get a response like this! I'm glad you like my art- the truth is I struggle with consistency and digital stuff but it's always so encouraging to have someone send you stuff like this (Most of my anonymous asks are usually just slurs)

But it was so sweet of you to reach out like this and I super appreciate it! I love engaging with people on here it's a fun community and it's always nice to receive any public feedback!!

I'm just so happy bro I'm gonna go cry for a bit but thank you so much bb!!!! (///ω///)

#ask #love #🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷#👉👈#💕💕💕💕💕#✨️#💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋

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timidloner · 1 year

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i love how joren is a yandere but depending on the attitude of MC, it can become domestic which is awesome.... we need more of that "he's little deranged but he's mine" heart eyes (cause often in yandere game, you either become a victim or you have to fix them which sucks, what if i want to embrace the insanity?)

i just had this realization by the way that if twitter was a thing in your game, joren would probably tweets stuff like "my girl is mad at me, i hope i die" or "her liking other men before we knew each other existed doesn't sit right with me..." while the moon and the church would have him muted

the long sword discussion is fantastic because first "he carries it on his left side, he's right-handed, so he reaches across to draw it" hear me out on this, if he does the movement, his arm will come to squeeze against his chest for a bit while also flexing itself with the move of the muscles ok no cause if he holds his sword with his two arms too it will be like the trend where people would press their elbows together if you see what i mean......... joren getting ready to fight, very serious while MC is just staring at the man like a tormented person (never allow joren to wear a v-cut, he would be too much of a menace) and the other thing is joren would reach for fruits with his sword right? what if instead of using a multiuse tool, he just uses MC? like carrying them up on his shoulders so they can grab what they need (lion king style, short MCs are going to be flying in that case LMAOAOAO better hope for joren they dont have a height complex)(it would give the energy you find in videos where big servals try to calm small cats that are hissing at them) - ram

Yeah! I want it to be a large range of endings for the IF, from insane to domestic <3

I've no idea how the people on twitter act, other than they're fighting 24/7, but I love that idea anyway, haha. It would totally be an anonymous account and it'd be filled with all his thoughts about MC across the day, what he likes about them, how they looked that day, and how was their day... kinda like a diary.

The people that'd follow him would think they already know each other, that they're friends, while Joren is still in his stalker phase.

I'm now kinda obsessed with this. They'd be cheering for this deranged man without knowing the truth. Nice.

I just searched for the trend, and aww, to have the problems of big-chested people T_T. And I'm not sure if him holding the sword with both hands would be enough to make his chest stand out, I think it isn't the case, but we can dream!!

AHH, he'd be such a tease with a V-cut, you know that shirt/robe would be just about to reveal a nipple, bordering on that. Also, let me stray away from the topic, and maybe this is a bit specific, but I'd love to write a scene where dom!MC fucks Joren's pecs if they have a dick.

And another sudden change on my part, but AWW, that'd be so cute!! The simple life, going to pick fruit, eating it, and then taking a nap under the shade of a tree.

Haha!! It would really go like that. He'd even offer them the sword so MC is the one picking the fruit while he catches it.

And omg, I just got more thoughts for a modern setting. Joren would totally let MC take pictures like this if they wanted (even as a running joke), the part inside the frame is what both of them would post everywhere. And a potential wedding photo would totally also look like this.

#ask away!#from lon to you #rambling✒️!!!

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pine-notebook · 8 months

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About Me

So, hey there. I'm Pine. I'm 13. I'm straight, if you haven't figured that out. Really overly romantic, but yeah. Straight. I am an artist and writer. Can't really call myself an author, because I really am crap at writing and my stories are unfinished. So, like everyone, I've been through some stuff. Light physical abuse, heavy emotional abuse, parents divorced, got involuntarily committed and went to a mental hospital last week, that sorta thing. Chaos is normal for me. Art, my girlfriend, my brothers, and my OCs are really my only coping mechanisms.

I'm a huge fan of The Owl House. To the point where, if I were to get a tattoo, it'd be an emperor's coven sigil on my wrist. So, of course, I want to learn to draw in the owl house style. I make a lot of fanart.

As I've said, I write stories. I'm one of three creators of The Linked Systems. Not sure Willow is really actively creating for it anymore, but he helped start it, so he counts. Willow's my younger brother, by the way. I've always explained TLS as being "a collection of universes." In truth, only two are really active anymore. I write for Konazel(basically furries but in the future and there's magic and shit), while my girlfriend writes for the Filesystem(A kingdom inside a computer basically. A lot of betrayal goes on there.) We help each other out with the writing, but recently we've mainly kept to our own stories.

By the way, my girlfriend is way better at writing than me. She's a year older than me, but you'd think she's a real published author by the way she writes.

I'm not really allowed to post on Tumblr much. The abuse I mentioned earlier? That was all my mom. My dad has basically stayed out of my life for the past 2 years. He's nice, but he's a drug addict, and I don't need that. So, as I was saying, my mom is a hell of a helicopter parent. She is paranoid and doesn't trust me at all. So I'm not allowed to go on the internet.

I go to an online school though, so I'm on a computer basically all day from 9 to 4, and sometimes a while after that if homework gets tough. It's easy to go behind her back and do things. Really easy.

Because I'm a dumbass and gave my mom my login credentials, my main account got confiscated. She changed the email and password, so I can't log in anymore. That's @ask-the-linked-systems, by the way. So, you can't really "Ask the Linked Systems" anymore.

So, now I have to use this. My side account.

I had to trade in a really good computer, by the way. It was touchscreen with a stylus, and the cheap, $30 drawing tablet I bought got taken away by my mom. The computer I have now is touchscreen, but without a stylus, so digital art is hard now. I probably can't scan my traditional art, since my mom stays in the house all day. I could take a picture of it with my computer, but I'd have to have my sketchbook in the room with me and my mom out of the room, and those two things don't happen very often.

My thing right now is I'm trying to build a fandom for TLS, so me and my gf can publish books when we turn adults. It'd be really nice to have a community like that to back me up.

Anyways, there's my introduction. Feel free to ask me any questions you'd otherwise be asking my ask tls account.

#personal #personal shit #pine tls #toh #the owl house #the linked systems #konazel #the filesystem #ask tls #Pine Guldan

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not-too-many-eyes · 1 year

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Do u happen to have any survive au notes?

I do in fact! I don't really talk about them much cause I'm still hammering out details (and by that I mean rotating scenes and drawings in head) but here's some AU notes:

I have a PMD AU cause I like Mystery Dungeon a lot and always thought a digimon mystery dungeon game would be fun, but I thought it be even more fun if the character's are turned into digimon but they still landed in the Pokemon world. Post-Truthful, they are there digimon cause...well half of their soul it all lines up. Where are there digimon...no clue. Usually in Mystery Dungeon evolving is blocked for some reason or another but since there NOT pokemon it means they can and that just breaks everything in half.

I'm...not sure if I'm roping in the amnesia trope Mystery Dungeon has, and if I am I'm going to play around with it a lot. I'll think on that.

Concrete PMD AU thoughts: Everyone arrives a few days after the other, so it isn't sequential, and not always in the same area, some do arrive in pairs though (Miu and Kaito arrive together for example) The place they all eventually settle in is a city. I've always wanted to play around with Pokemon cities and it's so different from the setting in Survive it just seems fun. I like to think that to some level the kids look more comfortable in Dungeons rather than in the city due to this.

There's this little cafe run by this nice Sylveon and sometimes they go there for group meetings.

COLOR-CODED SCARFS!

Overall the tone is Lighter but like...considering PMD at the moment has a lot of slightly eldritch big bosses which mind control and/or send people to actual hell...y'know.

Anyway I Also Have my Magical Girl AU but that one is more of a mega crossover AU cause...I thought it be fun if I lumped all the digimon continuities (well...ones I know) in that AU as magical people.

Really it's just a flip of the Digimon-Human partnership dynamic, Digivolution is an outfit upgrade and a power-up. Jogress is...I'll figure that out but Steven Universe Style Fusion is on the table cause I like it.

The digimon doesn't necessarily inform the costume, this is mostly because I cannot imagine certain character's having outfits that look like there digimon.

I like to think the Frontier Kids are very well known because I like to think they were the first to go to the Digital World in this AU cause of there season thing. I don't know much about the Frontier kids honestly so I'll get back to what there up to when I finish it. All I know is, everyone comes back for festivals!

The Survive kids are the most recent Rising Group, they slowly grabbed there members, it starts with Aoi Minoru and Takuma, followed by Saki and Ryo, then Miu and Kaito and then finally Shuuji. What is Haru and Miyuki doing? ...I'll figure it out.

Digimon Adventure 02 shows the International Digidestined and I'm still going to incorporate that, but due to how the Digital World works in my head you can travel some distance and find them if you want.

Shuuji and Ryo are interesting cases in this AU, for similar reasons why they are in canon but Ryo comes in earlier because...well less running for your life and possible death hanging over his head. So Ryo actually comes in As A Magical Girl already.

Think this AU is a bit like the setting of Jewelpet Twinkle. The Digital World is actually calm most of the time and there's a bunch of cities and towns around and a lot of times you can just come in and have a good time, maybe do an errand or two for a nice Ogremon who needs some mushrooms from a high mountain. But sometimes there are actual giant problems that need to be fought.

Related to Ryo, Shuuji comes in last because his problems are not helped at All by this setting, honestly the switch of who's fighting and the fact he's at his house makes it worse.

On How Kids are Chosen: I like to think it's a Savers situation where certain Digimon just gravitate towards certain kids. Not really because there the other half of their soul, but because those kids just called to them somehow.

Uh I have more but those aren't Survive-related and more about the other teams but yeah!

I have other scattered thoughts about other concepts but they aren't really detailed enough to make them an AU yknow.

#digimon #digimon survive #asks #Its really nice to ramble about AUs

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bitd · 1 year

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wip. finally trying to actually put ad into form and this is kind of a "cover" of sorts, i guess? its funny because neither of them look like this during the actual, i guess, events? of whatever i end up doing with em. but this is their original forms... this is the first and last time i will ever draw angel in that stupid fucking armour though. i'm not sure on what i'm doing with demon because my... guy? in my brain who also cares about this project tends to draw her a looooot more uncomfortable to look at but i think we can just. ignore that. for now. anyway.

ad is my beautiful .. not daily strip comic or anything but a name for i suppose a project i kick around every so often to kind of wordvomit my* experiences with a dissociative disorder, and specifically a twin alter who does not like you and is also the only person you can really count on to tell you the truth. i suppose its somewhat also a place where i'm interested in exploring internal narratives surrounding one's disorder when one is a child and how they echo out into adulthood when you have the words to understand why there are other people in your brain. additionally i think its about how strange it is to have radically different opinions and views on what happened to you and how it impacts your perception of the rest of the world.

i've gotten a few scripts written already so at this stage it's mainly refining those and then working out a style that i can actually pump out, because it's much easier to continually make art and improve on it if you're ok with half-assing it and not rendering it.

*you know.

i just mostly wanted to talk about creative progress here as i 1.) love attention and 2.) feel insane recently because my brain fog has been worse. so.

#dunwall's most wanted #angdem

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koro-is-caffeinated · 1 year

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Hey there! Okay so, I wanted to ask, from magical being to magical being, as much as I know about your vampire-ness, I don't really know all that much about your actual LIFE with your vampire-ness. So what's that like? How d'you spend most of your time in your dark & stormy abode? :)

Hello there. Magical being to another, I must admit, I am quite the recluse. I spend my days sleeping and hoping I don't wake up before the sunset. I have coziest bed around, I spend so long in it. Dark and stormy? More like cold and filled with bones. Dark, yes.

I pace my room for hours on end, playing music on loop, often restarting it in the middle. When I find a song that defrosts my heart even the slightest and invokes that euphoria as cold breath in my ribs, I will milk that feeling until there is none left.

Then I write. Sometimes draw. I even write music and read literature, I do love a good Edwardian murder mystery or classic horror.

Depends, really. Whichever strikes my fancy. You humans think we don't eat food, but that's far from the truth. I indulge in pastries and coffee, pasta and steak. It just doesn't fill me, that's all. I get no nutrition from it, but I can't abandon all those tastes that I love so much.

I love to collect things. I'm a maximalist, every inch of my small abode will one day be filled with bones, framed lepidopterae, plants, antiques, bottlecaps, polaroids, and little vintage trinkets. What can I say? I'm a lover of all the knickknacks I pick up on the rare occasions I leave my home. Why would I want to leave when I've got cute cats and DVDs of silver screen movies?

Do I burn in the sun? No, no. That's a myth. We don't sparkle, either. But it hurts. It feels like a million knife-footed spiders scuttling under my skin, and my eyes burn like the Dickens. Sure, I could leave during the day, but why would I want to? There's so many people out and about during the day, I can't enjoy the quiet of the park or the chill breeze of my balcony.

Besides, at night I feel most alive. I even feel awake on occasion.

It isn't without its drawbacks. Every few decades I have to change location, and even identity if I want to go covert. I am honest online, because who would ever believe such a silly thing? Even now, you don't. Never will. Better for me. It's easier to do as I wish that way.

I haven't had many loves over the decades. Not in my youth, not now. I was born mid-19th century. I'll be turning 166 this Monday. Usually, when I fall in love, it later comes to me that I had mistaken the feeling of hunger for attraction. What a shame.

At least I'm gay. Most vampires are. Anybody would be if they lived as long as I have. We're all fruitcakes.

You know, we're not all slick Edward Cullen sexy seductresses. I'm asexual, and let me tell you, it's hard to get breakfast without a sex drive.

I do have some human friends. I suppose you're one of them. Most of them know about my vampiric nature. Comes with the contract. Others don't.

It's not exactly a secret, but nobody suspects it to be true anyway. I don't exactly hide it well. I speak oddly, wear clothes that haven't been in style in 40 years, despise newer music, and act far more jaded than I look. I've got that grim disposition that lends itself to the aesthetics. Not only that, but the braggadocio of Icarus. Immortals know eachother when we see them, we carry endless life in our walk. You can just tell.

Now... The part I usually avoid. It's part of the deal when talking about my day to day life. Feeding. Blood. Yeah yeah, ooooh, so scary. I'm not some terrible monster who kills and eats virgins or picks up some tasty young man at a bar. I only eat once every three months, if I can help it, though sometimes I'm a bit peckish. In town, there are people who willingly give up some blood to keep me going. It's pretty intimate, honestly. Everybody tastes different, some like whiskey, some like cherry pie, some like chocolate, etc. B- is my favorite. Other times, I go for walks in the city or the mountain trails and pick out somebody who smells nice. I don't hurt them too badly, I promise. I'm a messy eater, and sure sometimes I take too much, but I refrain from turning people! Believe it or not, we can choose whether a bite is to eat or to turn. It's so much more fun with lovers. And no, bites don't look like two little red dots. That's stupid.

At this moment I am unemployed, but I soon hope to be a mortician, or forensic technician. Jobs fit for the role, of course.

That's how my afterlife goes, I guess. Uneventful, surprisingly. Sleep all day, then laze around like a fat cat during the night. Tis the life! I don't think I'd have it any other way.

#Thank you for the ask mon frere!!#And I know this is silly goofy but tbh this is kinda just how I live my life lol even the sleeping hours lmaoooo this is mostly true #just vampire things #I wish I could say I was a dramatic verbose dracula but instead you've got a homo poet who can't even turn into a bat #do with this information what you will #<333 #Ask #Vampires #Tw blood #tw vampire #Tw death

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acourtofthought · 1 year

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I don’t mean to gatekeep but I feel like this is a safe space. Not sure if you listen to T Swift, but as a Swiftie and Elucien Stan, I saw this post using the lyrics to her song Daylight for E/riel and I gasped and laughed. You should listen to it!

They used the line “I once believed love would be black and white, but it’s golden” I was like wha? Listen, that song is basically MADE for Elucien with lines like “been sleeping so long in a twenty year dark night but now I see daylight” and “it’s golden, like daylight, you gotta step into the daylight and let it go.” If I were an E/riel Stan I’d cringe so hard about using that song. Sigh. It was just very strange. How do you take E/riel and use it with that song that is very much about how she’s been in the dark for so long but finally she’s stepping out into daylight, and realizing that love is golden and bright?

Anyway, let them be I guess, I’m done now, looking forward to your posts, they’re just the best! 🥰

Thank you so much for your comment at the end! 😍 You know what is odd? I think Taylor Swift is soooo talented but for some reason, I don't really listen to her all that much. The same with Harry Styles. I'll hear one of their songs played on the radio and think how good it is but don't actually go through the effort of downloading it or listening for other songs of theirs I might like. But now I'm definitely going to have to check out Daylight. And I am loving how people are drawing connections from her recent album to Feysand or Elucien, it seems to speak to a lot of fans. I went and pulled up the lyrics and I can see a line in the intro that might have made them think "Az!"

My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in Everyone looked worse in the light There are so many lines that I've crossed unforgiven I'll tell you the truth, but never goodbye Az himself thinks he's done things that are unforgiveable so maybe that's why they first connected him to this song. But "I'll tell you the truth" is definitely not Az. He's not honest with anyone at this point. Not Mor, Rhys, himself, his other friends. He refuses to talk to anyone about the deep important stuff he's struggling with. I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night And now I see daylight, I only see daylight Definitely not an Az line. It's canon that even while he supposedly wants Elain, he still looks at Mor with longing. Not as often as before but he still does on occasion (few and far between is not none). This is 100% an Elucien line. When Lucien finally sees Elain for the (real) first time, he can't breathe when looking at her. Even before he made it to Spring, he told Feyre he was a Mated male and not interested in other females. Elain was depressed in the NC after being made, Lucien was being loyal to her and Az was still looking at Mor with hunger and longing. And "sleeping so long in a dark night"? Elain is in the NC and Feyre notes the gates to her mind are sleeping buds. Luck of the draw only draws the unlucky And so I became the butt of the joke I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked Clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down Maybe I've stormed out of every single room in this town Threw out our cloaks and our daggers because it's morning now It's brighter now, now This one I don't get for any of them really. Except Az is sort of the wicked which means Elain "trusting the wicked" would be an Anti E/riel line. And Az doesn't suddenly become "brighter" in the day. He is the shadows and likes the shadows. He's always a bit dark. There's no point in trying to take that part of Az away from him just as there would be no point in trying to make Rhys a soft fluffy boy just because he's with Feyre. Rhys will always be a little dark and a little cold and a little calculating regardless of having found his Mate. And I can still see it all (In my mind) All of you, all of me (Intertwined) I once believed love would be (Black and white) But it's golden (Golden) And I can still see it all (In my head) Back and forth from New York (Sneaking in your bed) I once believed love would be (Burning red) But it's golden Like daylight, like daylight Like daylight, daylight Yeah, you can't get more Elucien than this. Elain is light, needs Sunshine, Lucien is Helion's son, Sun personified, Golden Spikes, radiating an inner light, he is "goodness", and sun glinting off the golden of his eye, setting his hair aglow, etc. Yes all the POC characters are described as having golden skin but that's not the same thing as what SJM is telling us about Lucien. I wanna be defined by the things that I love Not the things I hate Not the things that I'm afraid of, I'm afraid of Not the things that haunt me in the middle of the night I, I just think that You are what you love How can they think this line has anything to do with Az? Az literally thrives on revenge. His entire persona is defined by the things he hates. Lucien and Elain are two characters who have so many reasons to want revenge against others yet they are extremely optimistic and prefer to not dwell on things like revenge. I'm sorry but I'll never understand why they are trying to turn Az into Lucien. If you start to realize that Elain matches best with a specific type of character then don't try to force the Male who is so opposite of that into a completely different person just to continue believing in your ship.

SJM did not make E/riel Mates for a reason.

#anti e/riel #pro elucien #elucien

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mk-vasy · 28 days

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Healing Rx cont.

Obviously this is a continuation. So you should probably read the beginning or you might be confused. Much love x.

"How was your appointment?" Kyler asked, pushing a pile of his fries onto my plate. I shrugged. "It was fine. The first appointment is always a get-to-know-you kind of thing. Like, hi, what sort of trauma brings you in today?" "It seems intense just unloading all of your stuff onto a person you've never met before," he said. "Yeah, I guess," I responded while taking a handful of fries and popping them in my mouth. It honestly was hard. Some things just don't roll off the tongue, especially when they're sitting so heavy in your heart. I held back some things that were too personal to tell a random stranger, no matter how nice she seemed. Some things are too close too real; I'll get to them when I am comfortable enough to convey them. He eyed over his drink as he took a sip. "Did you talk about-" "No." I already knew what he was referring to. "Is that not one of the main reasons you decided to go to therapy?" He asked slowly, carefully where he put his words, as carefully as he would walk over thin ice. "Of course it is. But you said so yourself: It's a lot to divulge after meeting for an hour," I said. He hummed to himself, choosing not to respond. "I'm not avoiding the topic." I took his silence as an invitation to continue. "It'll come up when it comes up." "Sure, babe." He said. I felt a frustrated little bubble in my chest begin to rise. It crawled its way up my chest, spread down my arms, and made my mouth and nose tingle. The nose tingling was always the first sign when the waterworks were about to turn on. I had about 15 seconds to divert the conversation or risk crying in the middle of Canes. "Anyway, are we still going to that party tonight?" I asked. I honestly was surprised I was invited. The last party I went to with his friends, I was awkward and quiet the entire time. "Only if you want to." He said. I looked at him. The way his blonde curly hair was pushed back away from his face by his glasses. His lips were pursed together, and his sea-green eyes were focused on me just as intensely as I was focused on him. He was trying to read me. We both did this a lot, looking for clues in each other's faces, trying to find the truth buried under our words. Did I want to go? The answer was I wanted to hang out with Kyler. So, if Kyler was going to the party, I wanted to go. Unless he didn't want to go to the party, I didn't want to go either. "I'm going if you're going," I said, taking a bite out of the bread. Canes sauce was gods gift to man swear to god. "I want to go." He said, leaning back, satisfied with my answer. Sometimes, he wanted more from my answer. Usually, I am really good at masking. Sometimes, I didn't want to go out to a place he wanted to go to. Or I didn't want to listen to that music in the car. Fortunately or unfortunately, he can always read right through me. I don't know if I have a tell. One that only he can see, but he can always tell when I'm lying or withholding the truth. It was one of the most annoyingly attractive things about him. "You know the drill. We can leave at any time. You make the emergency I want to leave signal, and we are gone," he said. The emergency hand signal was something we made up when he realized that when I get anxious, sometimes my throat and mouth didn't work. The original hand signal was this absurd thing his coach taught him in baseball when he wanted him to steal a base. It incorporated a bird you made with your hands, a macarena-style arm movement, and vigorous nodding. It made me laugh, but there was no way I could have done that in a public setting. We settled on one of us grabbing the other's hand and drawing a heart with our thumb on the back of their hand. It was subtle and effective. Now, the real question was whether I would ever be brave enough to use it.

#love #soft love #therapy #healing journey #mental health #ptsd #coping mechanism #healing #realistic fiction #fiction #fangirl

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kehideni · 29 days

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Today i was very close to giving up on ever putting Denalien's story out there, because i really lack talent in writing and drawing for me to start it. BUT!

As i was making this standalone image titled: Golem

I kinda came up with an idea on how to make it still happen.

What if i don't make it a comic but i make an illustration, and write the rest singular post style? That might work... hmmm

Anyway.

I don't think anyone cares for my story so much that spoilers matter. It doesn't. So i'm just gonna spoil everything here.

Denalien's story follows along the Christian creation mythos very loosely. Denalien's species is called Nefil. Nefils are a sort of precursor creatures for life on Earth. They are very overpowered in that sense, because they got all sort of abilities that animals later on will have, such as having horns, or fangs, or high intelligence that humans are supposed to have once they are created. Because they are this over powered they got one thing taken from them and that is reproduction. Only a limited number of nefils exist and they all live in a remote location dedicated to them. They are the "closed alpha" creatures of Earth in gamer talk. (They also don't have a set lifespan, essentially making them eternally living [which isn't the same as immortal] they can just live however long, as long as they are not killed)

Once God starts creating animals, nefils can hunt, but once humans come to be nefils were supposed to be deleted. God takes pity on them and they may live as long as they don't make contact with humans. That's the one rule they have to follow, but there is no explanation as to why they can not make contact with humans, nor what happens if they do.

After humans are made, nefils are no longer just simply "closed alpha" versions of life on Earth, they also get to be creatures representing concepts. The concepts they represent give them supernatural abilities. Such as the "beast of secrets", who has black and grey fur and gets an incredible amount of knowledge of future events and conspiracies. Sure enough... the rest of the nefils think he went insane, exspecially when he attacks Denalien unprompted the second they meet.

Denalien feels very curious about humans, as they are the only intelligent lifeform after nefils, but after a while his curiosity wins(after thousand of years humans are made) and he makes contact with an old woman who is a "witch". Not the woman nor Denalien realise that in truth the woman is haunted by a demon- who granted her witch powers in the first place.

The old woman realises that nefils are eternal living and tries to gain that for herself through witchcraft, because of that Denalien has to kill her. That mildly annoyed the demon, for that woman was it's toy for the time being. The demon possesses the dead body of the woman and follows after Denalien- something that Denalien did not notice.

The demon proceeds to kill every each nefil in their designated living place one by one, except for Denalien- who does not understand what is going on, he believes he got cursed by the witch and that's what he is facing. His closest brother- Lethupan is the last to get killed and his dead body gets possessed, who from then on haunts Denalien for thousands of years to come, never kills him, always chases and fights, but never kills him.

Denalien mainly got 2 enemies in the story, both of them are demons (fallen angels) who's identities he nearly doesn't even get to figure out.

Moloch the hunter, is the one that haunts Denalien throughout his life.

The other one is Beelzebub the creator.

Beelzebub's deal with Moloch is that whoever Moloch kills, the souls and the bodies belong to him, from which he will make various monsters. Souls of victims, souls of criminals mixed with bodies of animals and various other organic materials.

His master creation is this golem made of every nefil that got killed. Their body got crafted into a giant nefil-looking golem, and every each one's soul jammed into it. (the color yellow got special meaning in Denalien's story) The main controlling soul is the one nefil that hated Denalien the moment they met, for the beast of secrets knew that Denalien would cause the death of their whole species.

#kehideni #Denalien

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labetenwar · 5 months

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Can you believe 2024 is just right around the corner?

I think that I'm really proud of all I have accomplished in 2023. I think I have acquired a pretty solid art style and I'm finally feeling confortable drawing anything. My mental health is still not completely fixed but I did a lot of progress. I think I have acquired a big self confidence. One could even say that's it's a bit much but be sure that no one could ever step on my toes again without triggering my terrible wrath! Truth is, I'm still doubting about myself a lot. But I'm not letting this depreciativ inner voice guide my life. I know my worth and I know that some who have achieved a so called success are not better than me. So com'on 2024! I'm ready to wrestle!!

In 2023, I'm really proud of the hard work I put in my comic. I'm happy how the story has evolved and how it's a sand box to express about my emotions and traumatic past experiences. I'm also really gratefull that I have gathered a small audiance around this comic and I'm looking forward to grow together as a community.

I'm proud that for years I have maintained course to draw what makes me feel happy and alive despite all the bad and condescendant critics. Don't let anyone ever talk less of you, they are just feeling unconfortable because of your difference. It's fine by me, I'll let them carry the burden of unconfortable.

I'm happy that I have found the balance between cute drawings and the horror stories, I would like to tell. I mean, cute things are my fuel but it doesn't make me blind to the horror of daily life. To the contrary, I'm really familiar with horror, I'm feeling it in my flesh. But the ones who called me dumb or naive for drawing animals and unicorns where the same who forced horrors into my life. Now it's a part of me, maybe the future me, completely healed, will banish horror from my life. Who knows?

I'm really gratefull that my small Patreon and supporters community has kept growing in 2023. It warmth my heart everytime someone choose to share a little of their wage with me. It's a time of struggles and I'm feeling even more lucky to have You to watch my back. Thank You.

I'm proud that my art has become so loudly meaningfull and unapologitical. From the less to the more political I'm proud to rub every single of my drawings to the faces of my tormentors. I'm aware that I'm not the most loudly political artist even if I think that just being a neurodivergent queer woman is already a huge burden to carry on a daily basis. It doesn't let a lot of room for anything else in life. Anyway, thank you for sticking around for one more year. I'm really looking forward to all we are going to accomplish again next year.

xoxo

#artists on tumblr #furry art #illustration #digital illustration #drawing

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imafoolishfragilespine · 6 months

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every time someone talks about how my dad needs to retire (which is true, i know) or at least sell the business or my coworker potentially leaving and how that would impact said things or me getting another job someday i truly just wanna throw up. how pathetic everyone must think i am for still being here

i want to get out, i wish i had never gotten stuck in this, my anxiety has gotten so much worse since i graduated college especially wrt job stuff and what hasn't changed is i have no clue what i really wanna do and even less idea how the fuck to do it. i don't know how people go on interviews to a million places (especially multiple rounds what the FUCK is that about you shouldn't have to go to more than one for basic fucking jobs it's insane to me) and deal with being rejected over and over

i just feel like nothing i like okay is something i can translate into skills for another job. and some of the stuff i do now is alright, really, but it's not what i want for myself. i just feel like i can do more with my brain than this (though sometimes i feel like a fucking idiot bc i lost my feeling of being good at anything once i no longer had school to rely on). and the things i am good at, like some of said things i do, are not how i wanna spend my life. i don't need a job i'm insanely passionate about because that'll just lead to burnout, i think, but i want something i like

every thing i think that i like of is an impossibility. bookstore? could i handle retail? not to mention a smaller bookstore would be preferable over like a chain, but i would guess that's way less job security. writing? i will never be good enough for that. though hey with some of the shit that gets churned out these days maybe i could. but i'm only writing my self-insert fanfiction most of the time anyway, i can't come up with anything original lol. something in fashion? can't draw, can't sew, sometimes i don't think my own style is good enough, plus how that whole world tends to idealize thinness. the shopaholic series honestly had me thinking about being a stylist, but it feels like those people are sooooo knowledgeable, and i really just like dressing cute for me. how do they tell what size people wear by looking at them? how do they think in terms of what that person likes instead of their own preferences?

idk those are just a few things where it's like man wouldn't that be nice in an alternate universe where those things are possible? even like, okay clothing stores, sure, i'd get to dress cute and everything, but again retail, especially with the fact that it seems like those workers are kind of pressured to pressure customers and i just can't do that. i feel like i'm stuck with the office environment where at least in my current situation i kinda do what i want wrt clothes, just not the kind of revealing stuff i might wear on a day out, but i try to have fun and do some unique pieces while still looking professional enough, but it's still really limiting as to when i can wear my cute outfits, especially bc i don't have a fucking life, so i only get to do them when i go shopping with my mom.

and otherwise i don't mind the office vibe necessarily, i know some people think it's soul sucking but again in my current situation i have my own space, a lot of my issue is not having enough to do lol (again, i could be using my brain more i stg, sometimes it's nice doing easy stuff like scanning so i can read or be on my phone throughout the day, but it still feels pathetic) so like it's not like i'm working SUPER hard on shit i don't care about, but ultimately i am generally working on shit i don't care about. again, it doesn't need to be passionate, but i just want to have a little more feeling about it. anyway, yeah, offices are okay to me, i just think something more laid back in terms of clothes would truly be better for me, that's maybe a silly thing to focus on in terms of picking a job, but it's just the truth, i wanna have fun lol

i don't know what to do and i need help and maybe i haven't vocalized that enough to anyone but my mom in the early days when i talked about resumes or whatever and she thought maybe my brother could help like sorry but he got his first job after graduating and stuck with it, same for my sister or close anyway. my friends have had all sorts of different jobs but they're generally not Professional World jobs so their experiences are different. only one person i can think of and she's got so much on her plate i wouldn't want to bug her about that kind of thing. i just feel so alone in it and stupid and pathetic and helpless and it's always there in the back of my head for the past few years if not a full on thought spiral

it's not even getting into the fact that i wanted to think about these things properly this year and then my body went insane and that's still most of what i can focus on. like would i have found excuses to not think about it anyway? probably. but five years at this job is too fucking long and ten years since i graduated high school and not having changed my life in any meaningful way just feels so incredibly fucked up and i wanted to change things and then i couldn't. and even now knowing whatever's going on with me probably won't drastically affect my future or my abilities or anything, it's still so mentally exhausting and i can't do anything but retreat into myself and wish it would all go away or magically be fixed, even though i know nothing is gonna drop into my life. but i'm not good enough or smart enough or mentally well enough to do fucking anything.

#personal

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