Child Danny by degree of the eyeguys to have him at peak power for the future but he somehow gets forced to live with Wes Weston.

Wes forced to adopt Danny is the funniest shit. Spent his life trying to out the guy now hes legally responsible for the guy. Whos very smug for someone who can’t even use the coffee pot.

Danny isnt too happy to be forced back to a 6 year old. His new slightly more emotional body is maybe acting out a little ok sue him.

Wes is now so torn between finally being able to prove himself right and keeping his now ?child? Safe.

Danny btw still denies being anything but a normal guy.

For the first time.

I wanna cry so bad tumblr didn't post the part two this just because my net is slow n now i have to restart over again. I'm so disappointed, this will probably the bad version of pt 2. :(

Pairings - Mike Schmidt ft Mean!Reader.

After learning about the whole animatronics thing it weirded you out but yet you are curious, after seeing how they act it made you think that maybe they are just a child.

You headed home from the pizzeria, you just knew that you had a strong bond with abby. Everything that came out of you when it comes to abby is just normal.

As you were about to go to sleep you decided to snoop around the old box of your belongings when you were a kid, you found a crayons and a empty drawing book.

You love to draw when you were a kid so your mom used to spoil you with them, you wanted to give this to abby. Never in your life have you ever really cared for a child.

A whole 12 hours had just passed and it's your shift again, you were walking to work until vanessa saw you and gave you a ride since she is about to go to that old pizzeria anyways.

"Hi vanessa, hi (y/n)." Abby greeted as she started running on where the animatronics are, "Mike.." Vanessa said as you turned at her hearing her tone gives you heart attack you just knew that she is mad. "So you knew about the animatronics?" Mike asked as both of them started talking about the animatronics as you continued sweeping the place.

Suddenly abby asked for help and started making a plan about doing a really big fort for her and her friends, "Maybe we can use the table as a fort.." Vanessa said as an idea for the fort.

They started working on it same goes the animatronics helping as you are still cleaning after the fort was finished abby started calling you so she can lay down beside you.

Vanessa excused herself to go get a cloth because it's about to rain and we need a "roof" mike followed her to the stock room as i sighed staring at the ceiling.

Being left out like this makes you heart ache, you always hated this kind of feeling especially when you were a child.

"okay everyone. Now pick your partner for the project." Your teacher joyfully said as you were at the corner of the room watching your classmate scattered around looking for their partner, disclosing their hate with each other if needed just so they won't be partners with you.

You bite your lower lip thinking someone will ask you if you wanted to be their partner, but sadly you were placed on the room where students are on an odd number.

"Hey (y/n) you don't have a partner. Do you want to have a group project with the others." your teacher asking you if you want to push yourself over people who doesn't even want to be close to you, "No ma'am I'll just work by myself." You politely said through the loneliness you are feeling.

You hang your head low playing with your fingers holding back your tears as you feel their eyes burning into you as if you did something unforgivable.

"Hey (y/n) are you okay?" Abby asked concernly as she sat up to look at you, "I'm fine abby don't worry about it." you reassured abby with a smile.

"How about we go for a dance?" Abby asked as she stood up same goes the animatronics as the bear type of robot started singing as abby is dancing while holding your hands.

Abby stood up to the stage as you told her to be careful as you were distracted by hearing vanessa and mike fighting over something that you don't want to know. It's your first time again hearing someone fight so seeing it makes you feel like you wanna cry.

You grew up with an alcoholic father and a workaholic mother, they often yell to each other, destroying things and almost killing each other.

Everything happened so fast you heard vanessa yelling something as you felt something hot hit your face almost hitting your eyes, you ran on where abby was as you saw her laying down on the ground.

"Abbyy.." you said as you lightly shake her hands as a cough escaped her mouth from the smoke, "What happened?" abby asked as she stood up as you scoop her for a hug reassuring her that everything is an accident.

You guys packed up your things because vanessa had said that mike and abby needs to go home and get abby some rest. You are on the car with abby as she hugged you from your tears on hearing them yell outside, she doesn't understand what is happening at the moment as she just comforted you based on how you feel.

You wiped your tears as you feel mike had entered the car, "She looks angry.. Why does everyone look at you that way?" Abby asked on sight after seeing vanessa angry, you wanted to dissappear on sight but mike insisted that you shouldn't be out walking this late.

Drive home is quiet since abby had already fallen asleep and you are still a bit awkward around mike, you carried abby to her room as soon us you guys got home cause abby was clinging into you.

You set her down to her bed she looked at you as if she wanted to ask something but just let it go, "Goodnight (y/n)." abby said as she closed her eyes from her tiredness. "Goodnight abby.." you whispered as she was already asleep.

You are about to left the house since your home is just near here might as well just walk it, until you were stopped by mike who is sitting outside looking at the sky as if something miracle is about to happen.

"i didn't hear anything from you earlier.. Everything all right?" mike asked as you sat down beside him and was taken a back by his question, you never thought you'd have this kind of conversation with him it feels so cozy, comforting and peaceful.

"I'm gonna be honest with you.. I feel left out earlier." You said as you were playing with your fingers again, "I know, i wanted to help you but i couldn't.. It's vanessa." mike sighed as he stopped in the middle of the conversation.

He started talking about his brother and everything they went through he feels like vanessa is stopping him from finding out everything, he describes his trauma to you as if he had met you for a very very long time.

"And you know.. I really liked you, i thought i was just going crazy until i started thinking about you the most random times.." Mike said as he looked at you as you look at the moon as it lights up your beauty, "I liked you too mike, you are a very nice man. I thought i was just bored and then i started feeling something as if I'm jealous." You stated as you looked back at him.

He wanted to cherish this moment with you, if he had a three wishes from a genie he would wish two times to comeback to this moment and the third wish is he wanted to live every years he had with you.

"Since you had confirmed that i have a chance with you. (Y/n) will you go out with me, i know i won't be a perfect man for you but i will do my best. I promise i will never disappoint you (y/n) just plea-" You cut off mikes speech mid way with a kiss as you hold both of his hands. "stop it you dummy, yes i will go out with you." You said as you smiled at him while he looked like he is about to cry.

"(Y/n) i really love you. I will earn your reciprocation of my love." Mike said as he kissed both of your knuckles as you giggled on how loser he is being, "I know you will mike.." You laughed as he admire you gosh he is about to melt.

"Can you please stay just this once?" Mike pleaded as he wanted to cuddled you up and make everything up to you since you confesses that you feel left out earlier, "Yes mike.." You stood up as you brushed your pants.

"And it won't be once mikey." You told him as you pressed his nose with your point finger as both of you giggled like a high school lovers.

Mike guided you to his room as he pulled out a shirt and pajamas for you since he doesn't want you to sleep on a work shirt, unexpectedly you stripped infront of him as he closed his eyes as if he doesn't have any permission to see you.

"Mike stop being a coward, we are together now." you remarked as you put on the pajamas as you helped him get his vest off so he can change his shirt, he was still shy so he changed pretty fast which made you giggled.

You lay down on the right side as mike was on the other side, he cuddled up to you it's not like those tensed up cuddle this one is the comfortable one. Both of you have been longing for this a very long time ago plus both of you are tired so the sleep is very cozy for mike. Pretty much he sleeped through the night without taking a sleeping pill.

Dream SMP Recap (April 12/2021) - 72 Hours

Quackity takes a trip down memory lane, recounting the events that led up to his visit to the prison.

---

VOD LINKS:

Ponk

Tommy

HBomb94

Foolish

Quackity

Badboyhalo

Karl Jacobs

Ranboo

Eret

Captain Puffy

---

- Ponk’s room in Niki’s city is decorated with posters of anime, his favorite people, pictures of Ponk and Sam next to each other, and his Enderman named Speed Wagon

- He wants to get a poster from both Foolish and HBomb

- Ponk waits at the Community House and Foolish boats in.

- Foolish notices Ponk’s stump, not knowing what it is at first. Ponk tells him that “Sam happened,” and Foolish replies that Ponk needs to get Sam out of his head. Ponk then tells him that he’s been taken into a communist cult, and that he’s missing an arm, and it oozes red stuff. Foolish freaks out.

- Ponk remarks that Foolish has a good sense of style, and he would like to commission something. He leads Foolish to the city. Foolish asks about his arm again, and Ponk says he’ll tell Foolish about it in time.

- Foolish says at least Ponk seems to be in good spirits. Ponk says that it’s because of the medication that Niki gave him. The salmon in his roof produces a drug that makes him happy.

- They mess around with the posters in Ponk’s room some. Ponk mentions that Sam took his arm, and Foolish is shocked. Ponk’s said too much. He wishes Foolish luck and says he’ll pay him well later before leaving Foolish to the room.

- Foolish says he knew Ponk and Sam were on rocky terms, but it’s a bit much of Sam to take Ponk’s arm...

- He puts a picture of himself in the shark outfit on Ponk’s wall and leaves to continue working.

---

LAS NEVADAS: EPISODE TWO

---

Two shadowy hooded figures ride on horseback across the wilderness. 

There’s a third who rides a skeleton horse. 

They approach Eret’s castle from the direction of Antfrost’s animal sanctuary. As they ride down the Prime Path, sirens can be heard in the background.

---

There is a montage of Quackity going to the prison each day, rain or shine. The waivers are shown, and Quackity’s name is signed.

On screen, the day numbers are shown as Dream runs around the cell, punching the air.

It starts from 2. At day 16, Dream is in the respawn pool as Quackity approaches. The numbers go up to 29.

-

72 Hours before The Visit

-

- Quackity rows to a remote island, where he meets Awesamdude. Sam is confused at how Quackity knew about this place.

- Sam has been busy farming in a small patch of land to get away from things. He started not long ago.

- There’s a gravestone with a disc and a jukebox dedicated to Tommy.

- Quackity tells Sam that Tommy’s death wasn’t his fault. Sam disagrees, saying it was his responsibility.

- Sam shows Quackity his beach full of turtles and his horse

- Quackity tells Sam that he’s a very caring person. Sam shows Quackity his house. 

- Quackity then tells Sam that he’s not the only one who thinks Tommy’s death wasn’t his fault, but Dream’s. To accept that is the only way to move on.

Sam: “I could’ve done something, Quackity. I could’ve...I don’t know. I could’ve done something.”

Quackity: “No, you know what you could’ve done? You could’ve gone back into that jail cell and put a sword right through his neck. That’s what you could’ve done, Sam. That’s what you could’ve done to Dream. Because guess what, Sam? this isn’t the first time he does it, and this isn’t the last time either. Sam, look at me...the only way he’s gonna stop this is if you get rid of him, Sam. That is the only way.”

- Quackity says they should do it right now. They go back into the house and Sam activates a secret door with a potato, leading down into a basement full of weapons and armor. They head out in boats as Quackity encourages Sam to do it.

Quackity: “Feel that fury in your fucking heart, Sam, and know that’s all because of Dream. Let’s go. Let’s go, Sam. It’s all because of Dream.”

Sam: “You’re right! I couldn’t do anything! Dream would’ve killed him anyways if I had gone in there, there’s nothing I could’ve done!”

Sam: “I can just kill him! I can just murder him! He can’t get away, he’s stuck in there, he has nothing! He’s so weak! This is the perfect chance! I can just murder -- no one would even need to know that he died! I can just say he was still locked up there, I could -- yes -- you’re right, and if I kill him no one will die! I don’t want any visitors already!” 

Quackity: “Exactly! No visitors! No visitors, Sam! No visitors, no one’s allowed to see Dream ever again, it’s a secret between you and me, Sam...we’re not gonna tell anyone. As far as we’re aware, Dream is in that prison, and no one’s allowed to visit him ever again because he committed that crime against Tommy. Guess what? no one’s even gonna wanna see him, Sam, nobody! Because he killed Tommy, and everyone’s scared of him. But guess what? You and me, we’re not gonna be scared, Sam, because we know Dream is going to be fucking gone.”

Sam: “‘Cause he’s stuck in that cell anyway! There’s nothing he can do! We could kill him, and when he’s a ghost, I could go in and kill him again! And kill him again! And kill him again! And kill him again! And I can kill him a thousand times for the one death he gave Tommy!”

“Do you wanna come with me? You wanna help me do it? You can hold him down, and I'll chop his head off! We can kill him just like that, and there’s nothing he can do! Yes! He can just cry, and scream, and he’ll die -- I wonder if he’ll laugh now!”

- They reach the prison entrance and enter the portal. Quackity tells Sam that this is all for Tommy, and it’ll make him feel better.

- Before they can go through the defenses, though, Sam hesitates and starts having doubts.

Sam: “Quackity, we can’t kill him! That’s the whole reason we put him in here to begin with! Tommy trusted me to keep Dream in here! And now Tommy’s -- Tommy’s dead, I can’t do this to Tommy! Tommy trusted me, and he might’ve died, but that doesn’t mean we can let this happen! No, no! Tommy would want us to keep him locked up! The whole reason we locked him up was -- if someone else dies, Dream’s the only one who can do anything about it!”

“I can’t ruin what I promised to Tommy more than once.”

- Quackity says this is his chance at redemption, but Sam insists they can’t kill him. Quackity stops and then says he’s sorry he got ahead of himself. Quackity goes to leave, but then hesitates and goes back to Sam one last time.

- One way or another, someone will have to do it. If not Sam, Quackity. He reminds Sam that Tommy’s death wasn’t his fault.

Quackity: “Sam, before I leave...you gotta get it together. Las Nevadas will have no place for emotions, or for any personal ideas that you may have, or feelings, Sam. If you’re gonna be my business partner, you gotta do more than this. Understand?”

“I’ll talk to you soon, Sam.”

- Quackity leaves.

-

48 hours before The Visit.

-

- Quackity is speaking with someone. He thanks someone for giving him the spot, telling them that they can’t tell anyone about it. 

- Quackity is near Fundy’s house. He digs straight down into the ground, landing in an underground area made of nether brick. It’s an extensive series of hallways. Quackity has a bunch of TNT.

- He finds the Egg Room and starts putting TNT around the Egg.

- He notices Bad and Punz approach and backs into the area behind, brandishing a redstone torch. Bad warns him not to do it.

- Quackity tells Bad that he doesn’t need the Egg, he knows that there’s still a part of Bad that isn’t doing this, and that they can work together.

- Bad replies that if Quackity gets in the way of his mission, he won’t have anything. 

- Rat starts barking. Quackity says he’s doing this for Bad.

Punz: “Bad, don’t let this guy manipulate you.”

- Quackity shouts that he’s going to light it up and places more.

Quackity: “We’re all gonna go. I’m doing this for your own, Bad! I’m doing this for your own good!”

Bad: “You’re doing this for yourself, Quackity! I need this! I need the Egg!”

- Quackity gets Bad to order Punz away and keeps negotiating with Bad. He tells Bad that before the Egg, Bad was one of his closest friends, and in order for them to do great things together, Bad has to let go of the Egg.

Quackity sets off the TNT. The explosions go off, and the Egg turns to obsidian.

---

On one heart, someone slowly makes their way through the burning remains of the nether brick area, holding a single redstone torch as the Egg whispers. 

HOW DARE YOU TRY AND TAKE THIS ONE FROM ME.

YOU WILL SUFFER FOR THIS.

HOW DARE YOU TRY AND TAKE THIS ONE FROM ME.

They stumble down the hall and the screen goes black.

-

24 hours before The Visit.

-

Quackity rides Boner down the Pogtopia highway.

He pauses at Tommy’s summer home, looking at the prison, and rides down.

- He notices George standing at the entrance, looking towards the portal. The two have a happy reunion. Quackity asks him why he’s here -- George says he’s just chilling.

- Quackity hasn’t seen George in ages. George is surprised by the scar on Quackity’s eye.

- He shows George Boner, who he has renamed to Ossium.

- He asks what George has been up to. It’s been ages since he’s seen George, Karl or Sapnap.

- Quackity tells George that he’s taken a break from El Rapids and has been working on a new project called Las Nevadas, a country full of casinos. An entertainment haven. He wants to set up a meeting with George, Karl and Sapnap about getting them all casinos.

- George asks, what about Kinoko Kingdom? Quackity doesn’t know what that is. George tells him, and says that Karl said he told Quackity about it.

- Quackity wasn’t told anything about this. He asks how long ago. It’s been a while.

- Quackity thought they had El Rapids going. It’s been hard to get in contact with them. George says he can still join.

Quackity: “I was working on this project, and I wanted to p-- no, no no, you’re...that makes sense. That explains so many things.”

- George tells him the direction that Kinoko is in. Quackity asks if they aren’t a part of El Rapids anymore. George says he supposes they can’t be in two countries at once.

- Quackity asks George not to tell anything to anybody about Las Nevadas. It will open soon, but he wants all the details to remain between them. As far as George knows, it’s just a country with entertainment.

- He says goodbye and leaves, telling George to say hi to Karl and Sapnap for him.

---

There’s a shot of Eret’s tower.

The Socializing Club and Purpled’s Walmart.

The old remodeled Community House.

The cobblestone version of Tommy’s house with the spruce trees around his land.

Skeppy’s original blackstone house with the three-door entrance.

Ze Haus.

The Spawn trap.

The camera pans up to a view of L’manburg, with blackstone walls, and the rebuilt Camarvan made of dirt.

The Elton John House and Space Program within the walls.

King’s Court.

It’s the Election Debate, Quackity and George arguing with Wilbur and Tommy.

---

- Quackity is out on a walk with Wilbur. He wants to know more about Wilbur. He asks why Wilbur has done the things he does.

- Wilbur tells him he wants protection for his people. Quackity asks to talk to Wilbur off the books. He wants to talk to Wilbur not as politicians, but people.

Wilbur: “Um, I mean I appreciate it -- No. The election’s in twelve days.”

- Quackity insists, and Wilbur says he’ll try.

- Quackity says he appreciates the Wilbur is trying to protect his people, and he doesn’t aim to overthrow him. 

Quackity: “None of this is about fighting to me. I think there’s just a big difference between you and me, and I like to see the good side on people. I like to think that there’s a side of everyone that is willing to work for wanting to see a better future for everyone, and I think that’s where you and I are very, very different.”

“See, when I got here, when I got to these lands, and I wanted to join L’manburg, I was told I couldn’t. I was told to walk away because I wasn’t allowed to join L’manburg. And to me, that was a lack of belonging. And if I have to become President and tear down some walls in order for no one to ever feel unwelcome again, then so be it. I do believe that everyone has a good side to them, and I do believe that everyone has something to contribute to the nation.”

Wilbur: “Your aspirations of optimism are not going to be subject to my nation’s security, I’m afraid. I -- I completely disagree with everything you said...”

“You say everyone has a good side, Quackity -- and you’re right. You’re right. Everyone has a good side. But that good side is only there to help themselves. If you’re really gonna help people, you’re gonna need power, Quackity. You can make a movement, you can make a resistance, right, you can go out and you can come back, and they’ll give you a ticket-tape parade. They’ll cheer for you in the streets, but you will change nothing. If you have a revolution, everyone will hate you. You will sacrifice everything, and you will lose everything you ever had, but you will come back and everything will be changed. And Quackity, if you wanna change things, you’re gonna need power. That’s what you really want, isn’t it. Look at me..”

“And power isn’t gained from diplomacy, and bureaucracy, and giant courthouses suspended in the sky, blah blah blah -- it’s gained from swords, Quackity. It’s gained from blades. It’s gained from steel. Iron. Even if everyone has this good side that you’re talking about, then anyone who wants to prove it has to show their dark side first. You’re going to have to kill. You’re going to have to torture. You’re going to have to maim. When I look at you, as a fellow outsider...you’re not ready for that.”

“I’m leaving.”

 - There’s a montage: 

Quackity watching as Schlatt destroys the White House the day he left to join Pogtopia.

The Mexican L’manburg Revolution, Quackity facing Dream outside Church Prime.

Dream destroying Mexican L’manburg.

Quackity facing Technoblade in the Final Control Room.

Dream and Quackity outside of Church Prime again.

“I understand that you -- that you wish to cause problems on the SMP, and that’s your number one goal. You are, by far -- you are the biggest enemy on the SMP right now.”

---

Present Day.

---

He’s at Wilbur’s resurrection shrine. There is a chest marked “For Wilbur.”

- Quackity writes in a book.

“My dearest friend, Wilbur...

You were right all along...

And I won’t make the same mistakes twice.”

- He signs the book “PROJECT NEVADAS” and puts it in the chest.

- Quackity rides off on Ossium and dons the black hood as the sirens sound.

---

- Bad sees the sign about concrete that Ranboo left at his house and assumes that it must be some sort of cryptic scavenger hunt. He and Skeppy go to try and figure it out by reading out the other signs throughout the server

- Skeppy eats part of Jonald

- Karl builds a Party Island in Kinoko Kingdom with Pokimane

- Ranboo gets a wither named Logan to mine for him

- Eret works on their fortress

- Captain Puffy does a late night stream and does some mining

---

Upcoming Events:

- The Red Banquet

- The Las Nevadas business opening

- Dream’s lore video

- Ranboo’s lore (April 23)

- Tales From the SMP: “Space Race”

- Dream SMP’s one-year anniversary

Afraid // JJ Maybank

Seven- Mommy Issues

Pairing: JJ Maybank x fem routledge! reader

Warnings: mommy issues, mother abandonment, anger, maybe some mistakes, tell me if I missed anything

Description: y/n has always wanted answers about her mother, but the truth seems more harsh than what she had in mind.

A/n : hello, hello friends. Sorry for not updating sooner. I had absolutely no inspiration, lol. Anyways, hope you enjoyyyy! :) (also I know the gif is terrible quality but I really wanted to put this clip and I couldn’t find any cleaner option to make a gif)

Previously

Afraid Masterlist

Song recommendation

Gif made by me!

As a child, y/n never realized how her family was different than the others. A lot of kids on the cut had single parents, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Her mom had left when she was only three, to go pursue her dream job in Colorado. It wasn’t a bad thing in the girl’s eyes. It didn’t feel like she was missing out on anything.

As she blossomed into adolescence, y/n finally understood how unconventional her family was. She heard the other girls at her school talk about their mothers. About the cakes they made or the precious moments they spent together. Mother-daughter bonding moments. She had to admit it she felt jealous. Or maybe was it envious?

She had lived all her life without a mother to kiss her scraped knees or braid her hair before going to sleep. And she would have given anything to experience it, even for one single night.

It wasn’t that she didn’t love her brother or her father, far from it, she adored them. They were both so precious to her. Still, she felt as if something was missing from her. Or more like someone.

She didn’t remember her mother, she was so young at the time, but she cherished the stories her father had told her. She fed her imagination on these stories. Making up fake memories where her mother was still there. In her heart it was all real. Reality was bitter compared to the sweet comfort of her imagination.

By the time she was 12, she’d heard the famous story enough to know it by heart, each word of the letter engraved into her head. She begged her father again and again. She wanted more stories, even the smallest anecdotes, she wanted to hear them all. Anything to improve the sketch, constantly redrawn, of the woman she didn’t remember. The woman she couldn’t really call a mother.

She knew the story by heart and yet it felt incomplete. She’d heard enough fairytales and read enough books to know when a story was complete. This one wasn’t.

And she was right.

A week after the twins’s 13th birthday, their dad gathered them around the kitchen table. He wanted to talk. It was very important. Y/n had to admit, this was quite strange, as her father was never the one to bring up important issues. In front of him was placed an envelope, yellowed with the years.

The girl knew this envelope all too well. Every scratch, every little bump, she could almost feel them on the tip of her fingers. It was her mother’s letter. This time, when he pulled out the folded pages, a third paper came out. The missing part.

Big John didn’t say anything, only slid the pearl white sheet to the twins. And though no words came out of his mouth, a million could be seen in his gaze. He wore an unfamiliar expression on his face. It was mix of sadness, fear and regrets. It was the expression of a man who only wanted to protect his children from being hurt.

The missing paper read as so:

“This is my dream, John.

And I know you might think there’s a way for us to fix this, but there isn’t. This time you can’t fix it.

When I got pregnant with the kids, I was so scared. And when I told you, I saw this glimmer in your eyes. This flame suddenly being lit inside of you. You were so excited to have your first child and it was twins! You seemed so happy. It was beautiful.

Then I thought that maybe we could do this, maybe I could be a mother. I had you, so everything would be fine. My friends kept talking about this amazing connection that felt with their babies when they were carrying them. But I never felt it with the twins.

And I thought that maybe once I held them in my arms I would finally feel it. That motherly connection. It never came. And I tried, John. I tried so hard. But I just can’t.

I do love them, I love them so much, but not the way you do. Not the way a parent loves their child It can’t do it, I’m sorry. I wasn’t meant to be a mother. Life is cruel that way sometimes.

If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that you were meant for this. I can see it in the way you look at them. You can do this, John. I know.

Be the parent I will never be able to be.”

Y/n’s curious eyes scanned the paper excitedly. Her face showed a variety of emotions in the span of a few minutes. First, excitement and joy, then, confusion and finally, anger. The tip of her ears burned red, her hand shaking beneath the table.

John B. placed the paper on the table, a loud sigh escaping his lips. Though, compared to his sister, he seemed relatively calm.

Y/n couldn’t contain it anymore. She stormed out of the house, her feet shoeless and her shoulders bare. She had no idea where she was going, but she ran.

It didn’t matter. As long as she was going somewhere. As long as she was moving and running, then she wouldn’t have to think. And if she was thinking, then her mind would take her to a bad place. She didn’t want to go there. So she ran.

The Routledges were never reputed to be angry people, much less violent. They were generally very calm, maybe a bit arrogant, but always composed. Of course, when a Routledge was after something, they would do anything in order to obtain it.

But y/n was one of the exception. She was the first Routledge woman in nearly 150 years. For generations, every Routledge man had sons, who had sons, who had sons until her father. He had a son and a daughter.

She wasn’t an angry person or mean in any way. On the contrary, she was kind and gentle. But compared to her brother and her dad, she felt emotions deeply.

And maybe it was her mother’s side and not the Routledge in her. It was so intense, sometimes. Almost blinding, at some moments. It was like the emotions took over her. It didn’t happen very often but it felt like she didn’t control her body anymore.

When she finally came back to her senses, y/n was standing on an empty beach. She hadn’t realized how far she’d gotten until she felt the warm sand under her feet. A cold breeze wrapped itself around her shoulders. She was so far from home. And so alone.

She walked to the ocean, letting her toes dip gently into the water. The water was cold but calming. Her anger slowly disappeared with each breath she took, until finally she could see everything clearly again.

Y/n turned away. She thought of going back home, when a wave of emotions hit her. She fell to the ground. It was like the air had been sucked out of her lungs.

Her chest burned, she felt like she had swallowed fire. Her shoulders shook and loud sobs escaped her lips. She dug her hands into the sand, trying to ground herself. It didn’t stop her tears from crashing onto her shirt.

A shadow appeared in front of her and she recognized its shape in a matter of seconds. It could only be one person.

“Are you hear to laugh at me?” She said through tears.

“No, not this time,” said John B. He sat down beside her, his eyes looking into hers. “Oh, y/n.” He wiped the tears off of her face

“I’m sorry,” she sniffled. “It’s just that, that,” he placed his arm around her shoulder, she took a deep breath. “Part of me always thought that she would come back.”

“That she’d come stay with us and finally be our mom. But she’s never coming back, ever,” her tone was almost accusing. “I lost so much time making up scenarios for her and she doesn’t even love us.”

“You know that’s not true,” reasoned John.

“Yeah, but it feels like it.”

“We don’t need her anyway,” stated the boy. “We’ve got dad, surfing, plenty of fish and well, each other. It’s not that bad is it?”

“No, you’re right.” She looked at him. “I just feel like I’m missing out on something. Like I’m,” she paused, looking for the right word, “incomplete.”

“I get it. If the roles were reversed and dad wasn’t there, I guess I would feel that way too,” confided her brother. “But don’t give her this much power. She doesn’t get to make you feel this way. You’re whole on your own, y/n/n.”

“Thank you, bird.” She slid her arm around his shoulder, letting her head rest on top of it. “You know, you can be an amazing brother sometimes.”

“Sometimes?”

“Yeah, sometimes.”

“Hey, bird?” “Yeah?”

“How did you find me, anyway?”

“You always come here when you wanna be dramatic.”

“I do not!”

“You so do!”

And slowly, the imaginary memories fell apart and disappeared. Y/n didn’t need them anymore. She’d be better in the real world.

Taglist

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Dixons Next Door - Chapter 4

Introduction: Anna was a small town girl from Atlanta when she became the guardian of her two younger siblings. She was determined to keep them from the same abuse that she endured from her family, so she moved into a small beaten up house just outside the city in 2009. The new neighbors  next door - the Dixon brothers - were definitely trouble. She wanted to escape her past, not repeat her parents history with these redneck brothers. Matters only escalate when the news is talking about the possibility of some virus getting out and infecting people… Are Merle and Daryl just as bad as her past? How is she going to keep her brother and sister safe from this virus getting out? What did Anna get herself into?

Setting: Pre-apocalypse

Word Count: 6896

Series Warnings: Offensive language, mentions/suggestion of physical abuse, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, sexual themes, violence & death

Chapter Warnings: Alcohol consumption, drug use, offensive language, assault, violence, sensitive themes - potential trigger warning

A/N: I got a little carried away and made this an extra long chapter, but it’s a good one! There are some sensitive topics in it so this is a trigger warning - it’s nothing too bad but some people may not want to read it. 18+ You’ve been warned.

Previous Chapter

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I had been cleaning out the pool for the kids while they ate lunch the next time that I was interrupted by Merle. He came over with a beer and hand and stood nearby me, watching silently. I gave him a look but he made no comment, he just sipped on his beer. I sighed and continued skimming the bugs and leaves out of the pool. “Isn’t it a little early to be drinking?” I ask without looking back at him. He chuckles.

“Why ya cleanin it? Just gonna get dirty again?” He asks, ignoring your question. You roll your eyes and smack the skimmer on the ground to get the debris off of it.

“Why shower - just gonna get dirty again.” I remark sarcastically.

“Exactly.” Merle agrees, and I look up in momentary shock before catching the sarcastic smirk on his face. “Ew,” I mutter, tossing the skimmer to the side and throwing the chlorine in the pool.

“So what bar ya work at?” He asks, glancing into the pool for a moment before looking back at you. You want to lie, but there’s literally only two bars in this small town, so it’s not like it matters much.

“Happy Hour Tavern.” I respond, wiping my hands off on my shorts and crossing my arms. “Surprised I haven’t seen ya there yet.” Referring to the beer in his hand at two in the afternoon.

He smirks. “Ya wanna see me there?” He suggests, and I roll my eyes.

“Didn’t say that.”

“Don’t ya worry, sugar. I’ll stop by.” He assures me, and I know he probably will.

“Great,” I mutter, and he chuckles.

“Where ya kids at?” He asks.

“Inside eating.”

“Wanna make me somethin to eat, sugarlips?” He asks flirtatiously. I roll my eyes again and huff.

“My name is Anna, and no, I don’t really have the money to be feeding the neighborhood.” I respond.

“Ain’t the neighborhood, doll. Just a friend.” He winks.

“Oh, so we’re friends?” I ask, shifting my weight.

“Yeah sure. Ya seem to be cozying up to my brother and all, ‘course we’re friends.” He responds sarcastically. The grin is gone from his face and he seems more serious now.

“What?” I ask, baffled by what he means by ‘cozying up to his brother.’

“Don’t play dumb, sweetheart. I saw ya the other day. Got him doing shit for ya, too. Impressive.” He rolls his eyes and takes a large gulp of his beer. Suddenly, the mood shifts, and I feel uncomfortable. Is he angry at me for asking Daryl for help? He is so hard to read, everything was just fine - what happened?

“I needed help lifting a heavy ass box. He was there. Doesn’t mean I’m ‘cozying up to anyone.’” I respond sternly. I don’t like being accused of using people. Merle chuckles.

“Relax, darlin, I ain’t jealous.” He taunts, lifting a hand to shield his eyes and looking up at the sky. “Issa good huntin day, bet he’s goin out there soon. I’ll see ya around, sugarlips.” Merle says as he begins walking away from me, leaving me confused and startled. What the hell just happened?

I began getting texts from my father that same day. I wasn’t entirely surprised, but I knew he wouldn’t go to the cops.

1:04 - Bring back my fuckin kids

1:15 - U ungrateful bitch after all i done 4 u

2:06 - Ima have every1 lookin 4 u

2:10 - U best not let me find u

3:34 - Ima tell the pigs u kidnapped em

4:08 - Just wait til i find u

My brother even texted me a few times, too.

12:30 - Pa’s lookin 4 u. He’s mad

1:10 - U took them? Ur not they momma, u kidnapped em

2:30 - U best bring em back or u’ll regret it Anna

The texts continued on and off throughout the day but I ignored them. My prejudice, abusive family would not get the best of me. He was probably drunk and went to find us to pick a fight and finally noticed we were gone. I couldn’t help but worry about if he ever did manage to find us. We were only a half hour away, it wouldn’t be too hard. It was only a matter of how much he was determined to do so. He’s not a smart man, I doubt he could track us down very easily. Plus, everyone who knew him, hated him. No one who knew us would help him - they would know the kids were safer with me. I’d rather be poor than abused.

Eventually I left my phone on silent and tried to keep my thoughts occupied. I didn’t tell the kids, of course. The kids had been playing in their room for most of the day, having fun with the large box that my bed frame had come in, using it as some sort of rocket or something. So I let them be inside and sat on the front steps to think in peace. I looked up at the sky and willed myself not to cry. They did not deserve my tears. They didn’t even deserve a moment’s thought. I forced myself not to think about all that they had put me through in my childhood. The nights I spent crying myself to sleep on my mattress on the floor. The bruises and scars I hid at school. The lies I told to keep myself from being taken away - only so I could protect my siblings.

My eyes burned as I fought back the tears and I hid my face in my hands on my lap.

“C’mon, Anna. It’s over now.” I mutter to myself, trying to believe my own words. Anger boiled over inside of me at the thought of what my father might do if he found us and took the kids back. I would not let him. Even if it killed me - he would not ruin their lives like he did mine.

A crash of thunder made me jump, bringing me back to the present. I looked up just in time to see Merle approaching from the woods, resheathing a knife on his hip. I figured he was hunting, and that gave me an idea.

“Hey, Merle!” I call out, quickly wiping my face and jumping up to head over to him. He looks pleasantly surprised and stopped in his tracks, smirking as I approached him. “I have a question.”

“Whatcha want, sugar?” He drawls, wiping his hand on a rag from his pocket. I notice a bit of blood and then the bag over his shoulder, making me wince. I didn’t wanna know.

“I wanna get a gun. But I don’t know the first thing about them, and I kinda hoped you did?” I inform him, glancing behind me to make sure the kids hadn’t come out. He chuckles quietly and looks me up and down.

“Whatcha want with a gun?” He asks. I resist getting defensive, sure that he thinks a woman can’t handle one.

“To protect myself. Family problems, let’s leave it at that.” I inform him with a look. “Do you think you could help me?” I plead. I didn’t wanna go into town and get scammed into buying a crappy, overpriced gun. Merle looks at me for a long moment, looking up at the darkening sky before shrugging.

“Come with me.” He responds, nodding toward his house. I look at it then back to him, giving him a sharp look. “I’m serious, ya want me help or not?” He demands. I look back toward my house for a moment before sighing.

“I can’t be long.” I tell him, and he smirks, heading toward his porch. I hesitantly follow behind him, dreading entering his place. Considering the trash and overgrown grass outside, I had a feeling the inside was much worse. I stepped inside the house cautiously, keeping my eye on Merle as I did so. He seemed to be the only one here, which relieved me. If any of those men from the other night were, I would have left. Merle tosses the bag from his shoulder onto an old wooden table and heads down the hall toward a bedroom, leaving me alone. The floor is dirty, there’s an old, stained armed chair in front of a box TV, and there’s stuff scattered everywhere. The place smells a little weird too, but I resist complaining. Merle returns a moment later with a case in hand. “Here,” Merle opens the case and reveals a gun, holding it out to me. It’s a handgun, I know that much. I look up at him and he gives me an impatient look, so I hesitantly grab the gun. It’s heavier than it looks, and I make sure to keep my finger off the trigger. “Ya ever shot one?” He asks, smirking at me.

“Once or twice.” I mumble, having flashbacks to the one time my father tried teaching me how to shoot bottles in the backyard. It wasn’t a fond memory at all…

“Ya can have it, but it’ll cost ya.” He winks.

“How much?” I ask, and he chuckles.

“Ion want ya money,” He drawls, and I immediately frown, thinking I know what he is implying.

“I’m not doing that either,” I scowl, going to hand the gun back to him. He doesn’t take it, chuckling some more.

“Whatcha want a gun for anyway?” He asks. I didn’t want to get into it, but maybe this would be a way around having to do something for him for it. I let out a sigh and looked at the weapon in my hand for a long moment.

“My father,” I start, not meeting his eye. “He’s uh, well he’s a piece of shit basically. I took the kids from him in the middle of the night and got this place, never told anyone where we were going. If he comes around… Well, I’m gonna need this.” I finally look up and meet his eye, exhaling deeply. He looks at me for a long moment, his face expressionless. It’s quiet and I am surprised he doesn’t make any rude or sarcastic comments. He shrugs, placing the case down on the old table.

“Keep it.” He tells me, and I raise my brows at him.

“Really?” I clarify, confused why he changed his mind.

“Ya need it more than I do. Got plenty round here.” He mutters, waving his arm up in no general direction. “I know all about piece of shit fathers.” He continues, giving me a solemn look. “My pops was. You was right, yer gonna need that. So take it, before I change my mind.” He drawls, heading over to their fridge and grabbing a bottle of beer, kicking it shut behind him. I don’t argue, despite being shocked and confused.

“Thank you, Merle.” I give him a sincere smile for the first time, and turn the gun over in my hands to ensure the safety is on.

“Takes 9MM. It’s loaded.” He informs me, plopping into the beaten up chair by the TV and opening his beer, taking a large gulp. I nod slowly and shift my weight, feeling awkward holding the gun but trying not to let him know.

“Okay,” I respond, turning to head out the door as he turns the TV on. “Thanks again.” I holler before I head out the door into the humid air. The sky has gotten very dark with storm clouds and the wind picked up, so I jog across the lawn back to my house and tuck the gun into the back of my shorts, hiding it under my shirt before I walk inside. I don’t need the kids seeing this.

“Anna! Look what we did!” Colton calls out from the hallway with a big grin on his face. I smile back at him and walk down the hall to their room, letting out a dramatic gasp when I see the box colored on with a bunch of random colors. “It’s our rocket!” He exclaims excitedly, rejoining his sister inside the big box.

“Wow! It looks so good guys!” I exclaim, grinning as they go back to their playing. I watch them for a moment before remembering the gun and walking into my own room, placing the gun on the top shelf in the closet. This will have to do until I have more furniture and somewhere safe to keep it.

The texts kept coming throughout the rest of the night.

6:05 - ware tf r my kids

6:43 - dont make me hunt u down girl

7:16 - uv always been a cunt this is just like u

8:11 - wat r u gonna do when u get nocked up by some prick u dont have money 4 all dem kids

The string of insults and threats lasted most of the night, the only reason I kept looking at them was to make sure that they hadn’t found us somehow, or had any ideas. I would need a head start if they did. I’m not sure if I would be able to shoot my brother, but I know I could shoot my dad. He deserved it. After all he did to me, all he put us through. Even my dead beat mother didn’t deserve him. He was half the reason she’s as bad as she is. Apparently, my mother hadn’t started using drugs until after I was born. My father had escalated when he had his first daughter, and his true colors began to shine through. My mom used in order to live with herself, the guilt, his abuse. She even made sure to get clean each time she learned she was pregnant, but she always relapsed. She was a strong woman - I had to give her that. If nothing else, she was strong. But still a horrible mother. She should have taken us with her when she left.

But now it was my responsibility. I had to do what she couldn’t. I couldn’t help but think about my parents, my horrible family - as I stood in the doorway, watching them sleep. I may not be able to change what happened to me, but I would do anything it took to prevent it from happening to Bailey and Colton. If it comes down to it, I will kill my own father to ensure he never lays another hand on them.

Watching them sleep peacefully, side by side in their own brand new bed with clean sheets and a safe roof over their head - that made it all worth it.

Jessie and Beau came over at nine with beers and I set up a fire in the front yard. I had found this old firepit someone was throwing away on the side of the road the other night and I took it of course. I was excited for some relaxing adult time before my shift tonight. I hated my job, but I made good money there so far.

“What time you work tonight?” Jessie asks as she pops open a bottle of beer and hands it to me with a grin on her face.

“Eleven to three. At least it’ll go by fast.” I respond, taking a gulp. The alcohol burns as it goes down my throat and I let out a sigh, leaning back into the stairs. I hadn’t gotten around to getting chairs for the yard yet - an unnecessary expense I couldn’t afford just yet. Jessie sat beside me, a lemonade in hand instead of beer, given that she was pregnant, and Beau sat on the hood of his truck, rolling a joint. I always enjoyed nights like this - quiet, relaxing, worry free. Jessie had been the best friend I’d ever had, I’m glad we’re still so close.

“That man ever come back?” She asks, referring to a customer from a few nights ago. He had gotten too drunk and handsy, trying to get me to give him my number. He even waited until the bar closed for me and the manager had to call the cops to get him to leave so I could go home. That was the latest reason I hated my job that I’d only had for a few weeks.

“No. Hopefully he never comes back, I don’t wanna have to use what Merle gave me earlier on him.” I mutter, glancing behind me to make sure the kids hadn’t woken up.

“The neighbor?” Beau asks. I nod.

“What did he give you? Are yous like, talking now?” Jessie asks, leaning on her knees and giving me a worried look.

“No, it’s nothing like that. I wanted to look into getting… a gun, for protection. From Dad.” I explain in a quieter tone. “I figured someone like him would know a place, and he actually ended up giving me a handgun.” I continue, watching Jessie’s disapproving look and wide eyes. “I’ll be safe. I really need it. If Dad finds out where we are…” I trail off, taking a large sip of my beer and letting a huff out.

“Why’d he just give you a gun for free?” Beau asks, looking up from where he was rolling the joint on the hood.

“I dunno. At first he said it was gonna cost me, but then when I mentioned it was because of Dad, he let me just have it. Said he knew all about asshole fathers.” I shrugged. “Either way, works for me.”

“Just don’t let him use that against you. Who knows what he might try to pull, he reminds me of Mack.” Jessie rolls her eyes when she mentions my older brother, grimacing. She hates me as much as I do. He had tried to get with her a million times and it made him resentful, yelling and cursing at her. Which then resulted in Beau beating the shit out of him - which was a sight for sore eyes.

“Yeah, he’s a bit better than him though. From what I’ve seen, at least.” I shrug, taking another swig of my beer. “Dad’s been texting me most of the day, he texted me earlier too. The bullshit you’d expect - pretending to care I took the kids, threatening me.” I explain, handing my phone to Jessie to see the string of unanswered texts.

“I hate them,” She grumbles as she scrolls through the texts. “They won’t find you, don’t worry. They’re too stupid to figure it out.” I chuckle at her comment.

“Yeah, you’re right about that.” I giggle. Beau stands up and offers me the blunt, which I accept and take a long hit from. As I am doing so, I hear a man start laughing and sure enough, Merle and Daryl are standing at the bottom of their porch. I exhale the large puff of smoke and hand the blunt back to Beau, leaning on my knees and resisting the urge to cough.

“Damn girl, who knew ya could have a little fun!” Merle exclaims, walking across the lawn toward us. Daryl and I make eye contact for a short moment before he rolls his eyes and leans against the beat up railing, placing his crossbow on the porch stairs, seemingly waiting for his brother. I roll my eyes with a smirk at Merle’s comment. Ever since earlier, I’ve decided to cut him a little slack. If I was interpreting right, we had more in common than I thought - at least, regarding families.

“Yeah, sometimes.” I respond, offering my beer bottle to him, earning a surprised look from Jessie. I was trying to be nice to Merle to repay him for the gun, so he wouldn’t come collecting in another way. It was the least I could do for a free handgun and clip. Merle looks shocked for a short moment but smirks and takes the bottle from my hand, taking a large swig.

“Yous her family?” Merle asks, looking at Jessie. She hesitates for a moment before shaking her head.

“Friends.” She responds, readjusting her feet uncomfortably. I stand up and suddenly I’m aware of just how close Merle was to me. I am almost touching him as he leans against my railing, my bottle in his large hands, a smirk plastered across his face. He looks fairly attractive in the fire light and his seemingly clean-ish clothes. He’s wearing black cargo pants and a white T-shirt under a jacket, and I take notice of the knife holstered on his hip. “Going hunting?” I ask, taking a step away from him toward the fire and tossing another log in.

“Mhm,” He responds, taking another sip of my beer. “Wanna come with, sweetheart? Can show ya the ways.” He suggests flirtatiously.

“I actually know how to,” I smirk, stepping closer to him and grabbing the beer from his hand, taking a large sip while looking into his eyes. The alcohol and hit were starting to get to me - I was a bit of a lightweight nowadays, since I’ve lost weight and had less time to do this kind of stuff. Merle bites his bottom lip and holds the intense eye contact with me, taking the beer back when I hand it to him and I can feel his eyes on me as I retake my seat beside Jessie.

“Yer loss.” He shrugs, pretending to be indifferent.

“C’mon man!” Daryl shouts from their side of the lawn impatiently. I wish that he would come join us too - I wanna get to know him better.

“Ugh I’m comin! Get yer panties outta a bunch!” He shouts over his shoulder. Merle hands the beer back to me after one last gulp and heads off to rejoin Daryl, walking away into the dark woods.

“What was that all about?” Jessie demands when they are out of earsight. I shrug and set the beer down, not wanting to get anymore intoxicated, given that I still have work later.

“I dunno, gotta be nice. I kinda owe him.” I mumble, kicking at dirt. Truth be told, I found those brothers interesting. Mysterious and dangerous, but alluring. Yes, they were trouble, but I always ended up attracting trouble anyway.

“You better be careful.” Jessie warns me, and I nod.

The night went on peacefully and we all enjoyed talking over the fire and relaxing with the kids asleep. I left for work and Jessie stayed at my place while Beau went out with his friends after dropping me off. He was gonna pick me up after work too, since he was gonna be in the same general area.

My shift was going fine until about one, when I recognized a familiar face and my whole night went sour. The creepy man from the other night was back, and he had his eyes on me. He was with another man at a table instead of the bar, but he was very obviously watching me. I informed the manager on duty but it wasn’t the same man from the other night, so he didn’t know the extent of how creepy the man was. He only came up to the bar once, having his buddy order drinks while he watched me. I remained calm and didn’t even glance at him, handing the drinks to his friend and accepting the two dollar tip without a word.

It took about a half an hour to finish cleaning up after everyone was out of the bar and I was dreading heading outside. I had a feeling that the man would be waiting for me again, but the manager didn’t want me wasting hours and had to stay behind to finish up, so I had to go out alone. I hung up my apron at the door and sighed as I locked up behind myself, leaving the manager alone in the building to finish recounting the drawers. I had already stuffed my tip money into my purse and had my keys tucked between my fingers as I looked around cautiously for a sign of anyone. There were still people out, despite being a bit past three in the morning. Beau hadn’t answered my texts in the last half hour and Jessie was asleep, so I had to wait. Great. Across the street, I spotted a nice looking motorcycle across the street, but that was the only vehicle besides far down the road.

I started walking toward the street light by the corner to wait for Beau when I heard a male voice call out. “Hey! Bitch!” I grasped my keys tighter in my hand and turned my head, spotting the man and his buddy down the alleyway. They stood up from leaning on the wall and started heading my way, so I started walking faster, but then they started running.

“Help!” I hollered and started running across the street. The adrenaline kicked in in my body as fear took over and I ran as fast as I could down the opposite side of the street. They were close behind me and I tried to hop over a fence, but they caught up and threw me onto the ground before I could get all the way over. “Help! Please!” I screamed as loud as I could, trying to kick the men away from me. The main guy sat on top of my hip and shoved a hand over my mouth, smirking evilly down at me as his buddy started trying to lift me. I kicked and flailed as hard as I could but I couldn’t get away as they drug me across the ground into a back alley.

“Hey!” I heard a different male voice holler and then there was the sound of glass breaking. The main man let go of his hand over my mouth to look behind him and I took that opportunity to scream as loud as my lungs would let me, before the second guy punched me in the face. I swore I saw stars as my face throbbed, the two still pinning me, my head propped against the second guy’s chest where he held a knife to my throat.

“Get off her. Now.” A deep male voice demands. I can’t see with the main guy on top of me but I am grateful for whoever it is coming to my rescue. The men only chuckle evilly but then something happens and the second guy jumps away from me quickly, making me slam my head down on the concrete. I groan and my vision goes blurry with tears as the stinging in my head intensifies. “Help…” I mutter as I fight to stay conscious, my head throbbing. The cold, rocky concrete is painful against my cheek, but not as bad as the weight of the man or the stinging in my head.

I can finally see around the main guy and spot a man a few yards away, aiming something in our direction. It’s hard to see with my blurred vision and the darkness, but it looks like a weird sideways weapon. “Ay, man. Chill out. We was just having some fun, that’s all.” The second guy insists, holding his hands up a little. I try to wiggle away but the man on top of me grabs onto my throat and holds a knife toward me.

“Think I won’t? Get the hell outta here or I’ll kill her right here, right now.” The man growls. I stare at the sharp tip of the knife in my face, fearing this is where my life will end. What will happen to Bailey and Colton without me?

The next moment is a huge blur. One second, there is a knife in my face, and the next, the man falls off of me, screaming in pain on the ground beside me. I jump up off the ground as fast as I can and stumble away from them, running blindly in the direction of where I had seen the shadowy figure of the other man. I stumble and trip in the combination of darkness and the pain throughout my body, reaching out to the brick wall to catch myself from falling but someone else catches me and I start flailing and trying to get away, until I look up.

It’s Merle. He hoists me up from where I was half fallen on the ground onto my feet and puts a hand around my waist to keep me up against him. His face is serious and it’s the first time he hasn’t cracked any jokes to me. I’ve never been more relieved to see someone in my life. I reach up and hold onto his neck, trying to keep my balance. The man continues screaming and cursing and I look back, spotting Daryl holding up a crossbow. “Oh shit! Fuck!” The second man screams, running away and leaving his friend behind with an arrow in his ass. Daryl walks over to him and takes his knife, pressing a foot on the man’s back and yanking the arrow out from his asscheek. I turn and hide my face in Merle’s shirt, disgusted and terrified. The screaming continues and then I hear a second scream and a trash can get knocked over. When I look back again, the other man is laying on the ground toward the back of the alley, an arrow in his leg.

Daryl stalks over to him and rips the arrow from his leg as well, kicking the man in the face before heading back toward the first man. “Ya ever, ever - come back here again… I’ll kill ya.” Daryl growls at the main guy who had been stalking me. Daryl rejoins us and puts a hand on my back hesitantly, looking down at me. I’d never been this close to either of the brothers and yet, somehow, I felt safer now.

“T-thank you.” I mumble into Merle’s chest, holding onto him tight, too afraid to let go. Tears stained into his shirt but I couldn’t bring myself to care - I was shaking and biting back crying.

“C’mon,” Merle mumbles, grasping onto my tight and trying to turn me around. I held onto him tight and let them lead me away, not paying attention. I saw Daryl grab my purse and keys in the corner of my eye and noticed Merle was leading me to a motorcycle. “You take her back, little brother. I’ll meet ya there after I finish up here.” Merle lets go of me and I feel like I’m going to fall over from the pounding in my head, but Daryl grabs onto me before I can fall completely over.

“Damn,” Daryl mutters, grabbing me tight and I notice that we are face to face. He’s got me by my waist and my hands grasp onto his shirt collar. “Sorry…” I mumble, blinking away fresh tears. He doesn’t respond but he helps me onto the back of the motorcycle. “Hold onto this.” He takes my hand and places it on these handlebar things, and I do. I do my best to stay up straight while he attaches my purse and his crossbow onto the back of the motorcycle and then sits in front of me. I whip my head toward the alley when I hear more screaming, but Daryl starts the engine and revs the bike. “Hold onto me. Tight.” Daryl hollers over his shoulder, and I do so without hesitation. I wrap my arms tightly around his waist and lean my head against his shoulder, terrified to fall off. I’ve never been on a motorcycle before - if I had been in a normal state of mind, I would have objected. But at this point, I wanted to get home as fast as possible.

The motorcycle is fast and the wind blows past us. I keep my eyes closed and focus on holding onto Daryl, feeling lightheaded and scared of falling off. It’s a short ride and he has to help me off of the bike. Holding onto his rough hand made me feel anxious and insecure but I had to in order to keep upright. He led me inside his house, and I did not object, as I did not want the kids to see me or for me to wake them up. He leads me over to a beaten up couch and I hesitantly sit down, looking around cautiously. I didn’t know if anyone else was here, but it seemed we were alone. I held onto my own arms tightly and tried to focus on my breathing. “I should uh, check ya out.” Daryl mumbles, crouching down in front of me. He waits for me to respond in some way, so I nod and uncross my arms. He runs a hand up my bare leg and I force myself not to flinch. I’m not afraid of Daryl, but tonight’s events have me shaken up. “Stand up,” He says, offering me his hand to help me get up. He lifts up my shirt a little and I flinch when he touches my back. “Yer pretty scratched up.” He comments, removing his hand from my back. “Should put somethin on that, so it don’t get infected.” He stands up when I sit back down and walks away, presumably to grab something. I hold onto my head and wince in pain where there is a large bump already forming.

Daryl returns with a few items in hand. He gives me a package of peas and shrugs, not meeting my eye. “Don’t have ice packs.” He mumbles, kneeling in front of me. “Turn around.” He tells me, and I move so that he can get to my back, placing the ice on my head. He starts applying something cold to my back and I sit as still as I can, wincing at the pain from where I was drug across the concrete. “Yer shirt’s all torn.” He notes when he pulls it back down. “Lemme see yer head.” I remove the ice and he gently runs his fingers through my hair, eventually finding the lump and I jump in pain, tearing up. “Sorry,” He mutters. “How do you feel? Ya might have a concussion.” He says, and I groan.

“I can’t afford to have a concussion.” I mumble and lean back into the sofa, holding the ice against my head once more. Daryl places a gentle hand on my cheek, below my eye, where I was punched. I look into his eyes as he gently rubs his rough thumb over what is surely a black eye. “M’sorry this happened to ya.” He mutters, looking away.

“Thank you for saving me.” I respond quietly.

“Wish I’d been there sooner.” He grumbles, standing up and removing his vest, tossing it onto the seat. He is wearing a black button down shirt and black jeans, his hair is matted against his forehead - but he looks very attractive. I look down at my bare knees that are now scratched up and feel my eyes burning again.

“What were you doing there, anyway?” I ask, changing the subject.

“Merle wanted a drink. Said ya worked there, wanted to bother ya I’m sure.” I let out a small chuckle and he continues. “We were leavin to head back, but we heard ya yellin.” I nod and look down again, trying not to think about it. I should be used to this sort of thing by now, given what I went through as a child.

Before either of us can say anything more, the door opens and Merle steps in, wiping his hands off on a rag. I notice the faint red marks on his knuckles and wonder what he had been doing, but try not to think of that either. Whatever he did, I didn’t care. Those men deserved it.

“She good?” Merle asks his brother, looking over at me huddled on their sofa. Daryl nods and explains my injuries briefly to Merle, who huffs. “Lucky we were there, sugar.” He comments. I don’t respond, hugging myself and shivering a little. Daryl notices but Merle heads to the bathroom, probably to clean up. Daryl walks away but returns shortly with a shirt and sweatpants. “Here. Ya can change in my room.” He mutters, handing the clothes to me. I am shocked but I accept and stand up slowly, following him back to his room. He shuts the door behind himself and I stand there for a moment, surprised to be in his room. He’s a lot sweeter than he likes to come off, it seems. It’s a very standard room. Pretty messy, no decorations, basic sheets on the bed, old paint. He clearly doesn’t care much for the room, it seems like he probably only uses it to sleep. It’s not “homey.” I remove my now ruined shirt and skirt and throw the large T-shirt on and tie the sweatpants on tight so they will fit me. The shirt is baggy and I notice it smells like Daryl. I hadn’t known what he smelled like before today but now I recognize it. It kinda smells like the outdoors, like firewood or something. It’s a nice scent, though, and I find it comforting.

I open the door with my old clothes in hand and spot Daryl waiting down the hall, leant up against the wall. Merle comes out of the bathroom at the same time and we make awkward eye contact. “Look like a Darylina.” He comments with a chuckle, walking past me toward the kitchen. Daryl looks at me for a long moment, until I meet his eye, and then he drops his gaze to the floor. I slowly approach him and give him a forced, appreciative smile. “Thank you.” I tell him gratefully. He has been so kind to me tonight. Before today, I hadn’t barely spoken to him before and he was always standoffish and seemed to avoid talking to me. It was a weird change, but welcomed. If only the circumstances it occurred under were different…

“Want me to throw em away?” He asks, referring to my clothes in hand. I shrug and hand them to him. He tosses them into a trash can and Merle walks over to the chair by the TV, popping open and beer and kicking his feet up. He seemed so nonchalant about the whole situation, it was weird. “Oh shit,” I mutter, realizing Beau is probably worried, waiting for me. “Do you have my phone?” I ask Daryl.

“That’s what yer worried bout?” Merle speaks up.

“No, I had been waiting for my ride. He’s probably worried.” I explain, looking to Daryl, hoping he had grabbed it. Silently, he pulls my phone from his pocket and hands it to me. “Thank you.” I unlock it and find a million missed calls from both Beau and Jessie. He must have woken her up when I never showed up. “Shit.” I grumble. I hated worrying them, after all they do for me.

“Yer boyfriend?” Merle asks, gulping down some of his beer.

“No, my friend’s boyfriend.” I respond as I text both of them in a group message that I was okay and that I would explain.

“Why would yer friend’s man be pickin ya up at three in the mornin?” Merle asks with a wink.

“Ew, no. I’m not like that. He’s a good friend, she’s watching the kids for me at my house right now. I gotta go let them know I’m okay…” I trail off, then remember I’m in Daryl’s clothes. “Uh, I can go change and bring these back-” I start, but he shakes his head.

“Keep em.” He insists, and I feel bad, but don’t fight back. “Ya might have a concussion, so ya should have someone check up on ya when ya sleep tonight, and get it checked.” He explains.

“Doctor Daryl.” Merle jokes sarcastically, and his brother shoots him an evil eye.

“Thank you guys for helping me. I don’t know how I can repay you…” I trail off, refusing to think about the course of the night again.

“Don’t worry bout it, darlin.” Merle smirks.

“Couldn’t just leave ya there.” Daryl mutters awkwardly, shuffling his feet.

“Well, still. Thank you.” I repeat before heading toward the door. Daryl follows behind me, handing me my purse and keys, and I wave before walking out and heading back to my house slowly, careful not to trip. I look back and notice he is watching me and I feel my cheeks heat up, fumbling to get my key out and open my door. I notice Beau’s truck is here and when I open the door, the two of them are sitting on the sofa, waiting for me.

Jessie and Beau were furious when I told them what happened and I ended up crying on her shoulder, letting the emotions from the night settle in. Beau threatened to go back out looking for them but I told him what I suspected Merle did and he didn’t. Jessie helped me get cleaned up and settled into bed. She slept next to me in my bed that night and woke me up every two hours, in case I had a concussion. Beau slept on the couch and I had never felt more appreciative for anyone more than I did for them and Daryl in that very moment...

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Welp! That was a dark chapter! I hope you guys enjoyed it, please feel free to leave some feedback and let me know what you thought! Chapter 5 should be up soon, so keep an eye out!

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Paul Lahote x Reader Smut | Arousal

Includes: Harsh language, nudity, vaginal sex, dominance, public sex, and oral sex (male received)

Inspired by several Upthehillart smut pieces and a Jacob Black smut imagine by Stuckontwilight (Wattpad)

________________________________________________________________________________

"Hey, Paul! Can you come here for a minute?" I screamed through mine and Paul's house. I soon saw my boyfriend rush in with a worried expression.

"What is it, Y/N?" He muttered and looked around to notice something out of place. But everything was perfectly aligned.

"I just wanted to check if you were ready, but apparently you aren't," I plastered a fake smile on my face to hide my annoyance. I told him an hour ago to wear the nicest thing he had, but he only had a pair of black slacks and a belt on so far.

"Do we have to go to this thing anyway?" He whined, and I glared at him.

"Yes, we do. This is my cousin's wedding, and we have to be there," I argued as collected as I could.

"Don't you have like 20 cousins? And they'll probably all get married, so what's the big deal if we skip this one?"

"12 and I can't miss this because she would kill me and I want to see her get married. Please," I pouted my bottom lip, and he sighed before nodding. I smiled and walked up to him. "Thank you. Now go get dressed because I don't think my mom would like you arriving shirtless," I advised and zipped up his fly. He looked down at my hand, which graced against his abs, and licked his lips.

"Yeah -- yeah, I better get dressed," he stuttered and walked out swiftly. I smirked to myself before finishing my makeup.

~:*:~

Eventually, Paul settled with a white button-up, brown dress shoes, and a black suit jacket to accompany his trousers. I matched him with a thigh level black cape dress that hugged my curves with a plunging v-neck and gold jewelry. We arrived at the wedding reception since we weren't invited to the ceremony and saw it was crowded with 200 people at the minimum. I caught Paul's irritated gaze and intertwined our hands while dragging him through people.

I sat us down at our designated table, and we listened to speeches, ate, and only conversed with each other. I may love my cousin, but this wedding was too much. I only knew my select family, and even then, I didn't speak with them. Finally, the music turned on, and Paul leaned towards my ear.

"Wanna dance?" he asked, and I looked at him. In seconds I was dragged onto the dance floor with his arm around my waist. Since it was a slow song and there were over two dozen couples on the floor, we weren't noticed in the swarm of people. Me and Paul soon sunk into the song, and he brought me closer to him, so our chests were touching. One of his arms on my waist glided down, so his fingers brushed along the back of my thigh, causing my breathing to catch in my throat.

"Paul," I warned, and I felt him snicker.

"I can smell it," he whispered in my ear and took a deep breath. His breath hit my neck, causing goosebumps to rise.

"Smell what?" I stumbled out, and he chuckled lowly. His fingers on my thigh trailed up to play with the hem of my dress.

I took a shaky inhale, and he mumbled, "your arousal." I froze in place, and he laughed quietly again. He lifted me up and spun me before setting me down and continuing to lead our elegant swaying.

"I -- I don't know what you're talking about," I gulped, and he stuck his lip in between his teeth.

"Of course you don't," he replied cooly. We danced with me tense until the end of the song. When the song switched to a more upbeat and more than just couples raced onto the dance floor, Paul grabbed my hand and walked me off. I thought he would lead me back to our table, but he guided me right past it.

We slipped out of the reception and into the hallway. "Where are we going, Paul?" I worried, but he didn't respond. He checked inside multiple rooms until he grinned in success and tugged me inside. It looked to be an empty office or study. Why it was at a reception, I didn't want to know.

His hands found my waist again and boosted me up, so I sat on the desk in the middle of the room. "Paul--" I was cut off with his lips. My body responded to the tenderness the kiss brought by returning the favor and grabbing his neck, deepening the make-out session. He caressed my cheek before moving his kisses down my neck to my collarbone, where he sucked at my sensitive skin. I wrapped my legs around his lower abdomen and pulled him closer.

His warm lips fell to my throat, where he kissed a trail down my exposed cleavage. I folded his suit jacket down till it was on the floor next to us and began unbuttoning his white shirt. While I was working to shed him of his clothing, he was doing the same with my dress. Or at least trying. Since my dress was so tight, he almost ripped it while trying to get the shoulder straps down. Once they were both resting on my sides, he broke the kiss on my skin to lower himself and slip the rest of the dress off.

He removed the last button on his shirt before sliding it off to join the rest of our clothes. I got hungry at just the familiar sight of him without a shirt and reconnected the kiss roughly. I threw his belt into the wall, making a loud thud, and tugged down his pants, which he stepped out of. Now we were both only in our underwear, and he pressed himself against my soaking knickers.

He unclasped my bra and dropped it near our other clothes. I broke the kiss and flipped us around, so he slammed into the desk, causing it to screech against the floor. I knelt down, and with one quick motion, his boxers were removed, and his cock sprung free. It was so hard it looked painful, and based on Paul's groan of relief, it was.

My lips molded to fit his entire length into my mouth, and his hand latched onto my hair. He pulled slightly, which sent a certain shock through me, and I increased my speed, sucking on his tip. "Fuck," he whispered, and the grip on my hair tightened. My hand began pumping the rest of his length as I focused on his sensitive spot. The wolf began twitching from under me as he edged closer and closer to his release. I stopped right when he was about to cum and stood up, he gave me a look that could kill, and I smirked.

I saw his cock jerk, and his eyes suddenly got filled with rage and starvation. He swapped us around and bent me over the desk aggressively. My tits hit the wood too hard, making me wince. He ripped off my panties and slammed into me. I moaned for the first time tonight and tried to clutch onto something, but there was nothing besides the other side of the desk, which was too far away. Instead, I grasp his wrist, which was resting on my hip.

His thrusts started slow and held me down; he placed the hand I wasn't squeezing for dear life onto my back. The animal side of him broke out from its restrainment as he kept going, and pretty soon, he was pounding into me mercilessly. I tried to cover my mouth to quiet myself, but he held both hands behind me and raised me, so I was no longer bent over. My back was against his smooth chest as he adjusted himself so he could go in deeper.

The first thrust had me screaming his name at how it felt so foreign but made me even wetter. I broke my hands from his loosening hold and tangled them into his hair. I tugged him down, so his lips collided with my neck, where he began bitting and kissing harshly. I whimpered when the burning feeling in the pit of my stomach arrived, and my walls clenched around him. He sensed my fidgeting and held me tighter to his body while using his fingers to play with my cilt.

I yanked his hair again, sending his head back and a grunt of euphoria to leave his lips. The twitching started again, and he got sloppier as both our orgasms came closer. A few hasty pounds later, and my seed flowed down his length and onto the ground. I soon felt his warm cum on my back, and we both rode out our highs by touching ourselves.

"That was amazing," he breathed, and I nodded while trying to mellow down. With heavy pants filling the room, I turned around slowly. My eyes met his, and I saw a line of sweat near his eyebrows while his cheeks were flushed red and his hair a sprawled out mess. I grabbed his chin and gave him several long and passionate kisses before he rested his head on my shoulder in exhaustion.

"Aren't you happy we came?" I asked with a growing smile.

"I'd rather fuck you in bed but sure," he gasped, and I giggled while running my hands through his hair since there was no chance of fixing it now.

La Cuervo - Chapter 8

She is used to the biker-life, having grown into a woman in the familiar embrace of SAMCRO. A bad decision and a gun-shot later, she gets whisked off to Santo Padre, and put under the protection of another club. What is supposed to be a short stint in the Mayan headquarters just north of the border to Mexico, turns into something more; when la quervo begins to develop feelings for el angel - and he seems to return them in kind...

TW: violence, blood, drug use, alcohol, smut, fluff, angst

In the spirit of "The Crown Princess of Charming", this is a story about O.C. Nina and Angel Reyes. It is obviously non-canon, as characters who have passed on on Mayans M.C. are present in it, and others have been excluded completely. Nina is written as a cis-female, but I have tried to keep her race and looks as ambigous as possible. Should you find any of this story offensive, please let me know.

8.

With firm hands on her hips, Angel led Nina in front of him; only letting go to hold the door for her to enter the clubhouse. Inside, they found both clubs neck deep in their first beers. Tig was seated on a chair with Chucky on his lap; bouncing the little smiling man up and down on his knee, while he hugged him tight. “I missed you so much, Chucky! Are they treating you ok? Do they feed you?”. He looked at Hank who was laughing at the scene. “You know, he likes his eggs sunny side up. And you need to make sure he doesn’t drink diet coke. It upsets his tummy”. Letty had showed up while she was getting ready, and was seated by the bar nursing a coke; Coco hovering over her, and giving any Son who looked in her direction a death-glare. Leticia was wearing a turtleneck, as she’d been told. The fact that it was a crop-top didn’t seem to matter to her.

Nina pulled at Angel’s cut to make him lean his ear down to her lips. “I’m gonna go spend some time with my other family, before VM rolls in, and I have to pretend not to know them”, she said. “Please don’t get all macho again”. “Can’t promise anything”, Angel said, and placed a possessive kiss on her neck. She pushed him away, and went to sit down with her brothers. After taking a chair between Rat and Happy, Ratboy gestured at her neck. “You got a little something…”, he smirked. Letty jumped off her chair, and handed Nina a pocket mirror, to examine the hickey Angel had left there, just below the one he’d made the day before. “Shit. What are you; 13?”, she growled at Angel. He smiled smugly, and grabbed a beer, before going over to stand by EZ.

Rat gave Letty a shy once-over, and Nina patted his arm. “Don’t… Her dad was a sniper in Iraq”, she muttered. Letty smiled at Rat, before going back to the bar. “That’s her father?”, Rat whispered, and looked at Coco. “Yup…”, Nina replied. Coco took a huff of his smoke, and leaned against the bar; moving his cut so that his gun was visible. Rat swallowed thickly, and moved his focus back to his beer.

Happy elbowed her softly, and pulled out his phone, to show her a picture on the screen. “Wendy checked in”, he said. The picture was of Thomas with his face covered in chocolate. Abel was running in the background, wielding a supersoaker. Nina let out a soft sigh. “God, that kid looks like Jax”, she said. “Which one?”, Happy grunted. Nina chuckled sadly, and the biker put an arm around her. “Yeah… I know”.

“So, you’re coming back with us, right?”, Tig asked; having finally let Chucky go. “No, she isn’t…”, Filip said, having appeared at the table with a glass of scotch in hand. “What?”, Happy said, his expression suddenly angry. Filip sat down, and Bishop pulled up a chair next to him. The two presidents gave each other a knowing but hard look. “It seems our Nina has sold herself into servitude”, Filip said. Tig leaned forward and shook his head. “Nah… Nuh uh. What the fuck is this shit?”, he said. “She’s not some piece of ass for you to…”. “Relax, Trager. It’s not like that”, Bishop said. “Then tell us what it is!”, Quinn said. Filip gestured for Bishop to continue, an irritated but defeated expression on his face. “As you know, Vatos Malditos are coming to Santo Padre. They’re going to offer us money to help them search for Nina”, Bishop said. “You told them…?”, Tig roared.

The Sons jumped to their feet, hands on their weapons. The Mayans responded in kind, and it seemed that what had just been a nice get together, now was about to turn in to a massacre. Letty and Chucky dove behind the bar, and Nina got on her feet. She grabbed Filip’s glass, and flung it at the wall; smashing it into a thousand pieces. “Enough!”, she roared. “Fuck! It’s like dealing with overgrown children…”. She scowled deeply at all the men. “Sit your asses down, and listen!”. “Yeah, fucking listen!”, Creeper growled. Nina drew her lips back in a snarl. “Shut the fuck up, Creep; or I’ll superglue your dick to your balls!”. Creep looked dumbstruck. “Are you gonna let your girl talk to me like that, brother?”, he asked Angel. “Fuck, yeah”, Angel said. “Oh, and you and me are in the cage tonight”. Creeper sat down, cursing bellow his breath.

Once everyone was seated, and more or less calm, Bishop continued. “You know how it is… We can’t risk money and potential war for an outsider. You wouldn’t either…”. “I’m staying here, working for San Pad for a year”, Nina explained. “That way, the Mayans couldn’t hand me over, even if they wanted to. It would be against their rules, because I’ll be a part of the family here”. “And we’re supposed to trust that they won’t do it anyway… Why?”, Happy asked. “Because Nina does…”, Filip said, giving her a meaningful look. “Look, I don’t like this any more than you do; but as it is, I don’t see another way out. We brought our girl down here; put her in the care of not just another charter, but another club all together. I blame myself… But this is a better solution than all-out war”. The Sons all shared angry and defeated glances. “And after her year is over?”, Tig asked. “That’ll be up to Nina”, Bishop said. “She does good work around here. If she wants to stay…”. “Niña is family”, Coco said, getting concurring nods from the rest of the Mayans. Filip got to his feet. “We’ll deal with that 12 months from now. But you better treat her like a fucking queen, or we will come back down here, and burn this shit-hole to the ground”, he said. “I need a new drink”.

---

A few hours later, after Bishop had explained the plan of letting Nina disappear into the crowd to SAMCRO, the first guests began arriving. Nina rushed around, dealing out orders to the hangarounds who were going to take care of the guests that night. She was overseeing the setting up of the sound equipment outside the clubhouse, while simultaneously refilling the bar set up by the porch. Daniella had decided to show up, in spite of Angel’s rejection. She kept to herself; once in a while sharing some words with some of the other guests. Angel didn’t pay her any attention, though not for her not trying to catch it.

Suddenly, there was a roar of bikes coming up the driveway. Nina instantly froze in place, only to move again, when EZ came up to her, and pulled at her wrist. “You good?”, he said. “Is it them?”, she whispered. EZ looked towards the incoming bikers, and nodded slightly. Nina let out a slight gasp. She turned around, and saw a group of men dressed in denim cuts; none of them looking friendly. They got off their bikes and walked up to greet Bishop, and Filip; who’d followed him outside. The Mayans and the Sons all took their places on the porch, each with their own faction. The leader of the group stepped forwards. He was a brusque and serious looking man, with a long braid down his back. His eyes were cold, and she recognized the family resemblance to Gael. El Palo.

Angel shot her a short look, before looking at EZ. His eyes would have seemed indifferent to anyone else, but Nina could see what he was saying. We got this, querida; and; take care of her, brother. “They’re just gonna stare each other down a bit”, EZ said, trying to calm her. Nina nodded slightly, but was unable to control her breath. It was like someone had a vice-grip on her lungs. EZ looked down at her, and frowned slightly. “I need…”, she heaved. “Time to disappear”, he muttered. Slipping an arm around her shoulders, as if they were about to find a quiet corner together, he led her towards the trailer. Most of the people around them ignored them. It was perfectly normal for couples to get a bit frisky, and needing to release some steam at these kinds of parties. They passed a group of women chattering excitedly. Daniella was among them, and smirked when she saw EZ’s grip on Nina.

As soon as he’d opened the door, Nina stumbled inside the trailer, and grabbed her inhaler from the table. In her shaking state, she dropped it on the floor, and EZ picked it up, handing it to her. She took a hit, and felt her lungs relax. “I’m sorry”, she panted. EZ put a calming hand on her shoulder, and smiled. “You’re ok”, he said. “Just breathe”. Nina took a few deep breaths, and put her forehead on his shoulder. “Thanks”, she said. “Is one brother not enough for you?”. Daniella was standing outside the open door. Nina scowled at her, but didn’t reply; still too wound up to be able to form a proper comeback. Ezekiel went down to face Daniella, and stared her down. “If you wanna stay, behave”, he said. “Otherwise, get the fuck out”. Nina put down her inhaler on the table, and walked outside; closing the door behind her. EZ put his arm around her shoulders again. “Puta…”, Daniella mouthed. Nina shot her the middle finger, and let EZ lead her away.

The staredown seemed to be over, and all three clubs had scattered to enjoy the party. “I have to go take care of the grill”, EZ said. “Will you be ok?”. “Yeah…”, Nina lied. He squeezed her shoulder, and left her to go tend to his job.

She stood for a long moment, looking over the frivolities. Happy and Gilly were looking on, as Angel revved the engine of his bike by the gate separating the scrapyard from the clubhouse area. The Son looked impressed, and let a pretty girl crawl under his arm, and press against him. Hank was studying the tattoo on the arm of a VM. Coco was pulling Letty off a table, where’s she’d been dancing. Nina made eye contact with Filip for a second, and he winked at her quickly, before going back to nursing his beer, and the gorgeous brunette on his lap.

She went up the steps to the porch, and opened the door to the clubhouse, to go inside; when she bumped straight in to a denim-clad chest. “Perdóneme…”, a raspy voice said. She looked up, and locked eyes with a Vato, with inquisitive and cold eyes. She parted her lips – unable to speak – and let out a short, nervous breath. “Let me get this for you”, he said, and held the door open for her. “Thanks…”, she muttered, and walked by him as calmly as she could. Taza was seated by the bar, and when he saw her expression, his eyes flickered for a moment, looking at the VM-biker. “Yo, sweetheart. Get me a beer, would you?”, he called out. “Uh huh”, Nina croaked, and slipped behind the bar as fast as she could. She grabbed a Sol from the fridge, and placed it in front of the VP. Sala disappeared off to somewhere. “You’re doing good, kid”, Taza said quietly. She nodded, and tried to smile.

Tig joined them at the bar, and looked in the bowl of apricots. “I see you’ve let Nina take care of the snacks…”, he chuckled; while looking around to check that none of the VM who were spread around the room were listening. “You have so much to learn”. Taza patted his shoulder. “Educate me, brother”, he smiled. Nina handed Tig a beer, and wiped down the bar, as the two men began sharing stories. After a few shots with the VP's, she felt about as embarrassed as EZ must have felt, after Felipe had told her the story of how he wet himself on the Ferris wheel at a state fair. “… I’m telling you, Taza. Her face was as green as the absinth-liqueur she’d been drinking; and she was dancing on the bar to the national anthem”, Tig said. Taza roared with laughter. “Happy and I had to carry her to bed; and we came back to check on her, she’d snuck out the window of the dorm – the door was unlocked, mind you – and she was running around the lot demanding piggyback-rides from every patch in presence”. Nina cleared her throat. “I think I’m gonna go check on the bar outside”, she said. “Aw, am I embarrassing you, muffin?”, Tig said. “Yes”, Nina said shortly, and shot both men a smile, before grabbing a case of beer, and walking towards the door.

One the porch, she was met by the Vato she’d bumped in to earlier. He gave her unpleasantly leering once-over, before reaching for the case in her arms. “Let me help you", he said. “You don’t have to do that”, she replied. “I insist”, he said, and took the case from her. Nina gave him a polite smile, and gestured towards the bar by the garage. “I’m Sala”. “It’s over here”, she said, avoiding giving him her name. She was just a random hangaround, she kept reminding herself; no one special. She walked ahead of him, not wanting to make it seem like she was interested in having a conversation. Once they arrived at the fridge set up behind the table set up as a makeshift bar, Sala set down the case. She nodded at him. “I can take it from here”, she said, and went to open the fridge. The biker grabbed her arm, and made her turn around; getting a little too close for comfort. “Have someone else do it. Let’s go somewhere private…”, he smirked. “No thanks”, Nina croaked, and pulled her arm from his grasp; backing away. “I don’t think my…”. She didn’t know how to label Angel; it was still too fresh. “I’m here with someone else”. Sala frowned teasingly. “Come on…”, he said, and took a step towards her again. “You look like you like to have fun…”.

“Hey, mami. How are you doing?”, Angel said from behind her; placing his arm protectively around her waist. Nina almost gasped in relief. Happy came up next to them, giving the VM-biker his trademark stink-eye. “This your girl, Reyes?”, Sala said. “Yeah, is she?”, Happy said, looking towards Angel for a split second; and took a sip of his beer. Angel tucked Nina into his side. “Yeah… she is”, he said. “Want to make something of it, carnal?”, he asked Sala. A smile ghosted Happy’s face, and he met Nina’s eyes; nodding shortly. “Sala!”, someone barked from across the lot. Palo had been observing the interaction, a displeased scowl on his face. He nodded his head for Sala to come join him, and the Vato walked off; cursing bellow his breath.

“Thanks…”, Nina muttered. Angel looked down at her. “Ain’t nothing to thank me over”, he said. “He’s just marking his claim”, Happy said. Nina frowned. “Are you gonna pee on me next?”, she grunted. Angel winced. “Don’t tell me you’re in to that shit…”, he said. “That’s nasty”. Happy laughed, and patted Angel’s shoulder; before walking over to join Quinn at a card-game he had going on.

Nina pulled out of Angel’s grasp, and went to fill the fridge. He came up behind her, and grabbed her hips; kissing the back of her neck. “You know you’re not the only one here to do this shit, right?”. “Just keeping busy”, she muttered. “It’s a party. Try to have some fun", he said. “I have to finish this…”. “You have to look like you’re enjoying yourself". He turned her around, and pushed a lock of hair out of her face. “You’re tense as fuck…”. She sighed deeply, and put her forehead against his chest. Angel waved for a female hangaround to come take over; before taking Nina’s hand, and pulling her with him, to go sit on the steps to the porch.

By the looks of it, everyone around them were having fun, but Nina found it hard to get into a partying spirit. She looked over at a table by the garage, where Bishop was deep in conversation with Filip. Palo came over to join them. They all nodded at each other, and the conversation continued with the VM president adding his inputs. Angel noticed Nina looking at them. “You afraid?”, he asked. “Only as much as the next possible murder-victim”, she muttered. He put an arm around her shoulders, and pulled her close. His other hand went to her knee, and he let his fingertips draw small circles on the inside of it. “I know something that might relax you…”. She began to feel her cheeks burning, and bit her lip. “What’s that?”, she asked. He squeezed her thigh, and put his soft lips to her ear. “Watching me fuck up Creeper in that cage…”, he smiled. Nina let out a wanton sigh. “God, yes…”, she breathed.

Angel chuckled, and got up; giving her a hand to stand up herself. “Creep!”, he called out to the other Mayan. His tongue was down the throat of the red-head Coco had had some trouble getting rid of the week before. He pulled back, and looked at Angel. “What, brother?”, he asked. “It’s time”, Angel replied. Creeper gave the ginger one last kiss, and made his way to the cage. Angel went in the same direction, his arm around Nina’s waist.

---

A crowd gathered around the cage, as Angel and Creeper got their hands taped up. Nina let herself be mesmerized by the sight of her bare-chested champion, who was already jittery with adrenaline. Once Riz had finished with his hands, Angel went over, and grabbed the back of her neck; pressing his lips to hers. His kiss was deep and greedy, and he had no shame in pressing his groin against her in front of the crowd. His tongue danced against hers, and he let out a wanton grunt. “Let me just take care of this motherfucker, and then we can go somewhere and finish this”, he said against her lips; and stepped away from her. Nina was surprised her knees were still carrying her, and she felt lightheaded from all of her blood running to her groin.

Once inside the cage, Angel and Creeper circled each other like two lions, until Riz called out for them to begin. Angel flew forwards at the flash of an eye, and slammed his fist into Creeper’s face. Creeper fell backwards, and covered his mouth. Letting Angel think he was disoriented, he stumbled forwards again, and jabbed Angel in the ribs. Nina gasped at the sound, and her heart skip several beats, until Angel straightened back up, and put his arm around Creeper’s neck; continuously jabbing at his sternum. Breaking free, Creeper managed to get a hit in to Angel’s head.

As the fighting continued, Nina was caught off guard, when Palo appeared next to her. He handed her a beer. “As an apology… for my enforcer’s behavior”, he said. “Thank you”, she croaked. Palo gave her a half smile. “I’m just trying to keep him out of that cage…”, he said, and looked towards the two fighters. Angel had Creeper in a headlock. Nina chuckled nervously. “He’s strong… Your man”, Palo said. “Is he doing that for you?”. “I guess…”, Nina said, trying to avoid letting her voice shake too much. Angel looked up at her with a smile; but when he saw Palo, his eyes went cold. Creeper began tapping his arm, to forfeit; but Angel didn’t seem to notice, and only held on harder. Nina’s eyes widened in fear. “Angel! He’s tapping out, man!”, Riz called out. Angel was pulled out of his trance, and immediately let go of Creeper, who fell forwards, gasping for air. “I’ll leave you to it”, Palo said, and walked away.

Riz proclaimed Angel the winner, and he and Creeper hugged. They walked out of the cage together, and came over to Nina. “Are we good, Nina?”, Creeper panted. “Yeah. We’re good, Creep”, she said with a slight smile, and stepped forwards to pat his shoulder. Creeper winced at the touch, blew out a deep breath, and let himself be led away by the readhead, to be pampered.

Angel looked in the direction Palo had gone. “Everything ok?”, he asked. “Yeah, I think so”, Nina muttered. “He was apologizing for that thing from before, with that Vato”. “Huh”, Angel said, before turning to accept a towel from Riz. He had a small cut over his eyebrow, and his ribs were bruised. Nina stroked her fingertips over the mark, and Angel winced a bit. “Are you ok?”, she asked. “I’m good, querida. Don’t worry about it”, Angel replied, and kissed her temple. The scent of his adrenaline-fused sweat and his cologne hit Nina’s nose then, and she let out a soft moan. He smirked down at her. “Who’s the horny little shit, now…? Got something you need, cuervo?”. She bit her lip to keep from grinning, and got on her toes to kiss him deeply; making it very obvious what, in fact, she needed. Angel grabbed his shirt and his cut, and put his arm around her, letting his hand rest on her bottom; before leading her towards the trailer.

They were halted in their tracks, by a whistle. “That was some stellar fighting, brother”, someone called out to them in a Scottish drawl. Nina groaned, and looked over her shoulder disgruntledly at Filip; who was nursing a bottle of Jameson with Tig, Bishop, Sala, and Palo. “Thanks, man”, Angel replied. “Have a seat”, Filip said, and gestured for a chair next to him. Angel shot him a displeased smile, and led Nina over to the group. In spite of her disappointed expression, he put on his shirt and cut again; and sat down next to Filip. Tig smirked at Nina. “Aw, looks like we ran out of chairs. I got a lap right here for you, sweetheart…”. He patted his thighs, his eyes full of mischief. “I have a feeling you’re a dirty old man”, Nina replied, and raised a knowing brow at Tig. “You don’t know the half of it”, he said, and reached out his hand to shake hers. She did actually know much more than she wanted to, but held her tongue. Tig was as dirty as they came, but since hooking up with Venus a few years back, he’d mended his ways somewhat. “Tig Trager”, he introduced himself; keeping up the ruse of not knowing who she was. “And you are?”. “Not interested”, Angel said, and pulled Nina down to sit on his lap.

“You want to be careful with this one, mano”, Sala said. “He’s possessive of his girl”. “Good”, Filip said. “A man should take care of his woman”. Angel nodded shortly at him, and wrapped his arms around Nina’s waist, as she sat sideways on his thighs. Planting a soft kiss on her shoulder, he then accepted a beer from a passing hangaround. Nina looked up at her, and saw that it was Daniella; a fake smile plastered over her face. “Anything for you?”, she asked Nina. “Scotch…”, she replied. “That, I can help with”, Filip said, and got a glass from the table, filling it, and handing it to Nina. “Chibs Telford”, he said. Nina nodded, and took the glass. Daniella had an ugly sneer on her face for a second, before leaving them to it; giving Sala a view of her butt as she passed him. “Mami, get me another cold one”, he said. “Coming right up”, Daniella smiled at him, and moved towards the bar.

Bishop cleared his throat. “Palo was just telling us about a situation up north”, he said. Nina focused on running her nails through Angel’s hair. She was there as arm candy, not to listen; and she needed to keep up her ruse. “Business?”, Angel asked. “Yes… for you”, Palo said. “For me, it’s personal”. “Never good to mix the two”, Filip said. “Maybe not; but in this case, I’m willing to make an exception”, Palo grunted. “Esto se trata de la familia. I know Alvarez is your primo, Obispo; but I don’t trust him and Oakland with this anymore”. There was a pregnant silence, before Bishop spoke again. “As far as I know, Marcus is keeping his end of your deal. He’s been reaching out to all our charters, to find this woman…”. “This whore, shot my cousin down in cold blood!”, Palo growled. “Then she left him behind in a dirty alley to die alone. I want her dead!”.

A shudder went through Nina’s body. “Are you cold?”, Angel asked, trying to cover for her. She shrugged and nodded; and Angel pulled her closer to his chest. He put his lips to her ear, as if he was kissing her. “Breathe, querida”, he whispered, and squeezed her thigh gently; before taking a sip of his beer. “Didn’t she shoot him in the head?”, he said to Palo. Nina’s heart skipped several beats. “What are you saying?”, Bishop asked, his voice warning in its tone. Angel shrugged. “Just that if she shot him in the head…”. He pointed at his temple. “… he was probably dead the second the bullet hit… So, it’s not like he bled out alone on the ground…”. Nina wanted to scream; please shut your himbo mouth!; but, once again, held her tongue. “How does that change the situation?”, Sala asked. “Whoever shot him, didn’t want him to suffer… They were probably just trying to save themselves… Your cousin had reputation of being a bit rough with his women, is what I heard”, Angel replied. Nina hadn’t heard about this before, and was beginning to wonder if Angel had been asking around about Gael, to help her in some way. “Or mug him”, Palo said, obviously indifferent to his cousin’s reputation with women. This seemed odd to Nina, after how he’d handled her situation with Sala.

“Was anything stolen?”, Filip asked. Something cold ghosted Palo’s face, making him even more terrifying. “No… Nothing seemed to be missing from his body”, he said. “The puta did leave something behind, though”, Sala said. He grabbed the beer Daniella sauntered over to give him, before running his hand up her thigh. She smiled sweetly at him, taking it as her que to take a seat on his lap. He took a sip of his beer, and looked down her cleavage; seemingly satisfied with his catch of the evening, now that he couldn’t have Nina. “An inhaler…”, Palo said. “Was there a name on it?”, Tig asked. “No… But we know she used a .38”. “Those are some pretty weak leads”, Filip said. “Perhaps. But it’s something. And I’m going to use it to track her down… With your help”.

“What is it you want us to do? This happened in northern Cali", Bishop said. “I suspect she’s moving towards the border, trying to get across somehow, to avoid police investigation", Palo said. “As I understand it, your charter has been known to find ways to cross over with goods, without suspicion from authorities”. “What are you trying to say? That we helped her cross, in spite if your deal with El Padrino?”, Bishop said. “My deal is with Oakland", Palo said. “Different charter, same club", Tig said. “From our experience, Mayans are loyal to their brother-charters deals. They back each other". Palo looked at him with a scowl. “Maybe so…”. He turned his head towards Bishop. “I meant no disrespect. I am sure you back your brothers up north. “The same brothers you are saying you don’t trust", Bishop said. “That’s disrespect in itself".

Palo folded his hands, and smiled congenially. “Maybe we can rebuild that trust right now".

---

Lost in a Lightning Storm Ch. 2: Far from Home

Summary: You shouldn’t talk about people, and not expect them to find out.

Chapters: 1, 2

While Henrik and Anti were talking to Tubbo and Logan, and then subsequently went off to Nate’s house to do some research, Mare went to go find Anti.

Anti was cackling with the Duke on some rooftop, who had escaped arrest after the chaos he had created. The two chaos-loving criminals were laughing and joking.

“Anti! Your boyfriend is getting too brave, you gotta[1] do something!” Mare said as he leaned over a massive air conditioning unit to get into the glitch’s face. Anti was lying on his back on the rooftop.

“Ooooooohhh~ You have a boyfriend?” Remus gave a huge smile, turning on his stomach and kicking his feet up like they were a bunch of pre-teens at a slumber party. “And you didn’t tell your best friend? For shame.”

“Shut up,” Anti kicked him in the face. Then he turned back to Mare. “I don’t got[2] a boyfriend.”

“Oh, yeah, then what the hell is he?” Mare bit back.

“None ‘a yer fookin’ business,”[3] Anti spat back.

“M’kay,[4] whatever,” Mare rolled his eyes. “Point is, he’s trying to find you.”

“I’m right here, let ‘im[5],” Anti scoffed, still lying on the ground.

“No, the old you, the human one,” Mare warned.

“Why?” Anti spat.

“I don’t know, humans are dumb,” Mare spat. “He’s your problem, you deal with him.”

“Fook[6] you!” Anti spat and stormed off.

Directly after he stormed off, he realized that he hadn’t asked Mare where Henrik was. But it was too late to storm off. Mostly because he overheard Remus trying to weedle information out of Mare. Anti was too in his own head to admit to even himself that he was embarrassed.

So he went out to find Henrik. Except he wasn’t at the hospital . . . and Logan didn’t seem to know where he was. He wasn’t at the hospital either so Anti ran around for a little bit and found them in Nate’s house.

For a couple moments, Anti debated on how upset Mare would be if he barged into his territory. Then he figured that if Mare didn’t want him to trespass, he shouldn’t have told him to take care of Henrik . . . and Anti had been in Nate’s house before on multiple occasions.

So Anti tripped about three alarms to get into the house and Nate and Henrik watched him stroll right into the living room where they were.

“Don’t yeh[7] two know not ta[8] talk about someone behind their back?” Anti layered on the glitching and blood as much as he could.

“You are certainly getting better at zat[9] effect,” Henrik complimented.

“You bleed on my carpet and I will stab you with a soul splitter,” Nate threatened.

Anti pulled out his knife, completely offended that they weren’t screaming in terror.

Nate helped up a stake, the wood was etched with runes and spell writing. “Anti, I don’t want to explain to the rest of your friends why you’re in pieces.”

“Why the fook are yeh diggin’ inta my personal shite?”[10] Anti demanded.

“Because zer is much I do not know about you, und I vish to correct zat,”[11] Henrik told him, Nate was on his computer, still looking through old census records and newspaper reports.

“I’m right the fook[6] here,” Anti spat.

“I cannot recall a time ven ve have ever talked about any’zing,”[12] Henrik told Anti pointedly.

Anti glared at him, his nose scrunched up like the demon was about to pull his lips back in a snarl. “Why, though? No point in lookin’[13] fer[14] a dead man.”

Henrik stood up, really studying Anti’s expression, “If it makes you uncomfortable, I can stop.”

Anti sputtered for a moment, “I don’t care.”

“I am serious Anti, if all zis[15] investigation makes you uncomfortable or vas[16] a traumatic experience, I vill[17] stop.”

A myriad of uncomfortable feelings, that Anti refused to unpack or acknowledge, prickled under his skin and boiled his blood. He absolutely refused to be afraid of some past specter he could barely remember. Anti was better than some human who’s only contribution to the world had been dying so that Anti could be brought into the world.

So instead Anti just scoffed, some derisive, forced laugh, “Whate’er yeh two arses wanna dig up some dead bitch that did me the favor ‘a dyin’, go ahead. Here, I’ll e’en help.”[18]

Henrik watched for any sign that Anti was joking or would destroy Nate’s computer. “If you are certain.”

“Oh yeah,” Anti dismissed. “What did yeh shitebags find?”[19]

“Well,” Nate stalled as he watched Anti walk over, he stayed braced with his stake. “Don’t break my stuff.”

“I won’t,” Anti smiled. “Come on, we got some loser ta[8] find.”

“That “loser” is also a past version of you,” Nate pointedly reminded.

“Watch it, meatbag,” Anti warned. “If he wanted ta[8] stay alive, he shouldn’ta[20] died.”

“Eloquent,” Henrik commented.

“Shut,” Anti hissed back.

“Do you remember your country of origin?” Nate asked. “I’ve got several different deaths from lightning storms and factory accidents from the past 150—”

“I ne’er[21] worked in a factory,” Anti huffed, before mentally stalling because he couldn’t remember how he knew that, just that he did.

“Really?” Nate commented without even blinking. “That helps narrow it down. Means you only could have died from lightning if you’re as old as Mare says you are.”

“Mare needs ta[8] learn ta[8] keep his trap shut,” Anti scoffed.

“You were right there when he told me that, and you didn’t say anything,” Nate reminded.

Anti looked away from him, “I don’t remember this, it didn’t happen.”

“Anyways, do you remember where you came from?” Nate turned back to his computer. “I know the Septics first met you in Ireland, but are you from there too?”

“Been ta a lot ‘a places,”[22] Anti shrugged. “How am I supposed ta[8] know?”

“Well it vould[23] make it easier,” Henrik reminded.

Anti rolled his eyes, “I woke up in Australia. I hitched a ride on several hosts until I got ta[8] Ireland. I don’t know if I died there, my first ten years were a blur.”

“You are Australian?” Henrik was staring at Anti.

“No.” Hunching his shoulders up defensively, Anti glared at the doctor, “Maybe? I can’t remember. What’s it ta[8] yah[7]?”

“No, it’s not a bad thing,” Henrik rushed to say. “I just . . . it is a good thing.”

Nate and Anti just stared at him, neither of them sure which direction to take that comment, but Henrik wasn’t looking Anti in the eyes anymore. He was glancing at Anti though, a lot.

But with a country narrowed down, Nate was able to eliminate several different possible candidates. Until there were five people left, four men and one woman. Mostly because it wasn’t unheard of for gender changes to occur when a human became a demon.

“Okay,” Nate said. “We have: Caleb Carson, Hannah Laverty, Brendan O’Heyne, Angus Collins, and Joe Morrin. Does anyone sound familiar, I don’t see any pictures so . . .”

Anti’s brain felt clouded, like there was something wrong but he couldn’t place it. He felt the urge to stab something and run. Like he was in danger.

“Anti? Are you alright?” Henrik asked, there was a look on Anti’s face that the German doctor hadn’t seen on him before.

Anti’s attention drifted towards one of the names in particular. He had no memories left of that person.

Much of that person was gone now, eroded away by time, but snippets remained. Being arrested for something . . . feeling disgusting inside afterwards . . .

. . . Feeling sick as the boat wouldn’t stop shaking the world around him . . .

. . . The heat of the sun burning his skin, almost hot as the anger that burned inside of him . . .

. . . And then a deafening CRACK as he felt like his body was exploding with pain. And how they’d just . . .

“They left me there,” Anti remembered, his form glitching erratically. “They left my fookin’[24] corpse ta[8] rot!”

“Anti‽” Henrik called out but the two humans watched Anti violently shatter apart in a discorporation.

Nate surged up immediately and took out an amulet necklace. One he had once’s a while ago to safely carry Mare around. But he used his magic to scoop up as much of Anti’s aura as possible to keep him from fracturing.

“Vat[25] happened?” Henrik demanded.

“He must have remembered something,” Nate tried to calm Henrik down as he was casting spells to see how violent the discorporation was, “I don’t think it was a good thing.”

Henrik snatched the necklace away, looking at it. “Vill[17] he be alright?”

“He still seems to be in one piece, but it might take a while for him to reform,” Nate warned.

“I zink ve should stop,”[26] Henrik looked over at Nate’s laptop. “If I had known his reaction vould have been zis violent I vould have stopped ven he confronted us.”[27]

“Yeah,” Nate agreed and watched Henrik put the necklace on. “Be careful with him, an injured demon’s a more dangerous one.”

“I vill[17],” Henrik promised, and gathered up his stuff with a stiff thank you for Nate’s help and the doctor went over to his apartment with the necklace. Anti took a couple of days to reform, but he didn’t talk to Henrik. The demon would escape the necklace and then slip back in whenever Henrik was distracted or busy.

After almost a week since the incident at Nate’s house, Henrik decided that, if Anti wasn’t going to talk to him, Henrik would talk to Anti. He started out small, complaining about the coffee machine at the hospital, about how muggy the weather was.

Then, one night, while Henrik was sitting on his couch, watching some TV show, or at least had it on in the background while he was staring down at the necklace in his hands, the doctor decided to be a bit more blunt. He watched the gem, saw almost like glitchy lightning crackling underneath the surface. “I must admit, part of ze[28] reason I went digging vas[16] to get a reaction out of you.”

There was a pause to the energy in the necklace. But after a bit the glitched lightning continued as if nothing had happened.

“If you do not vant to talk about zis matter, I vill not force you,”[29] Henrik told him. “But I had hoped to get a violent reaction out of you, not to actually harm you. For zat[9] I am sorry.”

Anti’s aura shot out of the necklace was just staring at Henrik. “Why was that what yeh were goin’ fer?”[30]

“You have tried to kill me und[31] my friends many times, und[31] I vanted[32] to get you to attack me,” Henrik admitted.

“Why?” Anti scoffed, plopping down on Henrik’s couch. “If I wanted yeh[7] dead, I would’a[33] done it already.”

He took glared at him. “Zat[9] is exactly the problem, you have zis[15] odd stalking infatuation but you have tried to kill me in the past. Not to mention you utterly ruined Average’s marriage und[31] his ability to visit his children.”

“The fooker was gettin’ cucked an’ e’eryone knew it,”[34] Anti dismissed.

“She vas doin’ no’zing of ze sort,”[35] Henrik defended heatedly.

Anti looked away angrily.

The two sat in angry silence for a little while, before Henrik sighed, taking off his glasses to massage the bridge of his nose before carefully putting them back on. “Anti, vat do you vant out of zese interactions ve have?”[36]

The glitch demon decided he would rather talk about literally anything else, but his only other option was talking about his former human life and he wasn’t sure which made him look worse. “I like it when yeh[7] get angry at me.”

“Is it simply ze[28] anger or ze[28] attention?” Henrik asked, genuinely trying to understand.

Anti still wasn’t looking at him, deciding that he’d rather take the human talk. “My name used ta[8] be somethin’[37] else.”

“Vich[38] do you prefer?” Henrik asked.

“Anti,” Anti told him hesitantly.

“Zen[39] you are Anti,” Henrik agreed. “As you said, zat[9] man is dead, und[31] you are here.”

Something in Anti’s chest tightened, he didn’t like it. He didn’t like even the reminder that he was human. But he started leaning over towards Henrik. It was just a little bit of a lean, not enough to even get near Henrik. So the doctor closed the distance for him, lightly resting his shoulder against Anti’s.

“I zink zat you like the attention, vich I am more zen happy to give to you,”[40] Henrik smiled at him as Anti still refused to hold eye contact with him. “Und ven you know vat you vant, you can tell me in your own time.”[41]

For the rest of the night the two of them sat in almost near silence. Anti wasn’t ready to admit anything, but still tantalizingly close all the same. Anti getting closer and close to Henrik until the doctor was pressed up against the side of the couch and Anti was leaning against him. Anti sat next to Henrik as the doctor just ran his fingers through his hair. Anymore and Anti would have started hissing and pulling away. But as he leaned into the touch the glitch decided that he liked this attention.

Henrik occasionally looked over at Anti, smiling at him.

And if, as he scratched his fingers across his scalp, heard him give out very quiet purring sounds, the doctor decided not to tease the glitch demon about them . . . at least not yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Post A/N: Anti in his AU used to be a man by the name of Angus (Jack’s “survivalist” character he made super early in his channel and in this AU Angus was arrested and sent to Australia where he subsequently died from a freak lightning storm, and then cue villain arc.

Side note: Henrik likes Anti’s Australian accent, he likes it a lot! No I will not back down from this extremely unpopular headcanon.

Accessibility Translations:

1. have to

2. have

3. None of your fucking business

4. Okay

5. him

6. Fuck

7. you

8. to

9. that

10. Why the fuck are you digging into my personal shit?

11. Because there is much I don’t know about you, and I wish to correct that

12. I can’t recall a time when we have ever talked about anything

13. looking

14. for

15. this

16. was

17. will

18. Whatever you two assholes want to dig up some dead bitch that did me the favor of dying, go ahead. Here, I’ll even help.

19. What did you shitbags find?

20. shouldn’t have

21. never

22. I’ve been to a lot of places

23. would

24. fucking

25. What

26. I think we should stop

27. If I had known his reaction would have been this violent I would have stopped when he confronted us.

28. the

29. If you do not want to talk about this matter, I will not force you

30. Why was that what you were going for?

31. and

32. wanted

33. would have

34. The fucker was getting cucked and everyone knew it

35. She was doing nothing of the sort

36. Anti, what do you want out of these interactions we have?

37: something

38. which

39. then

40. I think that you like the attention, which I am more then happy to give to you

41. And when you know what you want, you can tell me in your own time.

Be Mean

Warnings: smut, femdom, degradation, sub!spencer, mild masochism, choking, generally mean shit lol 

Length: 5.3k (ik) 

Authors Note: uhh happy valentines day! not the fic anyone was expecting today and extremely self indulgent but valentines day is about self love too right? lmfao anyways, hope yall enjoy

Summary: Spencer was just a little too into the way you cuss people out and it was starting to weigh on him. You’re more than happy to help him out. 

Words were falling from your lips with grace. Your back was straight as you leaned into the table - the unsub just inches away. He was a narcissist, and his hatred for strong women became increasingly clear the moment you stepped into the room. He wanted to prove he was smarter, tougher, and better than you - but the challenge you reproached him with left his knuckles white. Teeth gritted, jaw clenched, and that same grace - analyzing and cold, never seemed to escape you. 

It didn’t take long for the arrest to fall through - his confession leaving him as he tried to express his pathetic anger towards you. He called you names but nothing creative, not as smart as he seemed to be but you couldn’t help but laugh at him. Soon after he delves into explaining his own genius and the pieces continued to fall together - it was a good case and luckily he didn’t get far after his first 3 victims. Not something that the BAU gets lucky with very often, you think. 

Spencer watched you in the interrogation - eyes fading over your body language carefully. You were unnervingly confident - always were no matter whether it was a killer or not. He took notice of many little things that seemed to make the details of your existence culminate further in his mind. You licked the inside of your lip when you were getting close to breaking the unsub, and your eyes would get a little lower when he started to speak. You rolled your shoulders when you watched him get escorted and that warm, sweet version of you returned to you with no trouble at all. 

It was easy for people to call you BAU’s resident sweetheart. You were charming, witty, and intelligent but also kind. When the team needed someone who people can trust, you were always up there on the list. Your skills of diffusion were particularly helpful, you worked homeland security for a long while and it showed. Your capabilities to ease a tense moment as well as interrogate a criminal in a provocative way has proved helpful time and time again - but who you were was always up in the air. It was a valuable trait to be mysterious in that sense. 

On one hand, Spencer really did like plain Y/N more than anything. You were always particularly kind to Spencer - you remembered his birthday and always texted him right at 12 beating the entire BAU, even Garcia. You brought him soup and cold medicine when he was sick because you were close by and he needed some company. You helped him babysit JJ’s kids because you could and you were fond of them. You were never too impatient and you let him work in silence rather than making commentary about his process. You just got him, and it all seemed to come naturally though you knew things someone could only figure out through careful observation. 

Y/N the Agent was different, though. Still you, when she needed to be. Any cases involving young children, or innocent people in general really showed the other side of you. But you had this moment in every case, where your hyperfocus became so sinister everyone in the department could feel it. They were different sides of the same coin, your traits manifesting themselves in different ways but Spencer had a very particular notice of it. For one, it fascinated him a lot. How could anyone not be fascinated by that? 

Of course though, that wasn’t the only reason but the other half of this whole spiel was a lot more embarrassing but - 

Spencer got unbelievably turned on when he watched you interrogate criminals and - listen he knows okay? He really understands how absolutely not good that is but the memory is so burned into his brain he can’t help but think about it every time it comes up. 

The team was in Arizona working on ritualistic killings from a small tribe, native to the area. You and Reid had been assigned to talk to important community members and there was a head elder dude there who was particularly scummy - though not the unsub. He was too cocky to pull off such elaborate and patient murders so he was ruled out early but he was hiding something and you needed to know what it was. When interrogations went on, you confronted the man about his use of testosterone injections - something forbidden in the community since they believed modern medicine was extremely harmful, part of the killers M.O. 

The conversation between the two of you was short-lived but memorable, to say the least. 

“What happened, elder? Were the village girls not working for you anymore so you sicked your friend on them cause you couldn’t get it up? Was it worth it?,” your voice was thick with distaste and the elder lost his shit. He ended up confessing that he had a strong hunch but he’d only tell if they kept his secret and the lead was correct. 

Spencer's mind hasn’t been able to let go of that moment and every single time a case comes up where you have to confront someone he finds himself having to relieve himself in a bathroom stall or strain himself to get it to just go away. It was killing him really. He had a crush on you sure, always has but his body reacting like he was a 16-year-old boy every time you spoke was not going to cut it but he didn’t know what to do either. 

He finds himself in that same position now, on the plane ride home with the thought of you and your demeanor keeping him from focusing. You were asleep across from him, wearing comfortable clothes that slid just over your shoulders. He couldn’t help the way his eyes lingered on his skin and he tried his absolute best to ignore and go to sleep.

_

When Spencer Reid arrived home, he was pleasantly surprised to see messages from you, asking to hangout in his apartment while your kitchen gets renovated. There was no way in hell he was gonna say no to that, so he tidied his things up and ordered thai food while he waited for your arrival. 

It didn’t take long for you to show, wearing black joggers and a tight tanktop that Spencer has never seen you in before. It looked good on you, accentuating the strength in your shoulders in back. He knew you were decently fit but this was surprising, even for him. You smiled wide as you stepped through the door, giving Spencer a tight hug. He can feel your boobs pressed up against his chest and he wants to kick himself for the shiver that runs off his spine as if he were a teenager again. 

“Hey, Spence. Thanks again for letting me come over today, hope I’m not intruding,” you say softly, as you settle down on Spencer's couch, phone in hand. He nods, smiling. 

“It’s no problem. The food should be here in a minute but do you want a glass of water or anything in the meantime? I also have some lemonade, if you want that,” Spencer offers. You readjust and Spencer watches the way your muscles tense. He shouldn’t be noticing something like that yet here he is. 

“Lemonade sounds great, thanks Spence,” you say, laying into the couch as you scroll through your phone. Spencer excuses himself to the kitchen, grabbing glasses from his cupboard and filling them up with lemonade before returning to you. He places the glasses on the table in front of you, before the sound of the doorbell alerts him. 

You get up, retying your hair as the smell of Thai food hits you. You let out an involuntary moan but Spencer just laughs. The food is set up in front of you, but its far too hot for either of you to eat so the both of you sip on your lemonade and chat instead. 

“Everytime we get a few days off, the paranoia of a case hits the ground running,” you complain, gently. Spencer laughs, nodding his head. 

“Oh definitely. I can’t imagine what it’s like not thinking about it all the time, though,” he explains. You nod your head in agreement. 

“Yeah, but time off is still time off so the plan is to spend the weekend alone with a glass of wine and some romantic films and relax,” you explain, sighing. Spencer looks at you curiously. 

“Didn’t take you for the romance type,” he states curiously. You sigh again, looking at him.

“I’m not for the most part, it kinda serves a different purpose for me than most women I’d argue,” you reply to him. Spencers intrigued by your comment and sits up a bit. 

“How so?,” he poses carefully. You place your lemonade down on the coffee table and scratch the back of your neck.

“Don’t get me wrong, I like being wined-and-dined like any woman. Romance itself is nice, love is wonderful - but the way I wanna be romanced isn’t exactly traditional,” your voice is airy when you speak, laughing at yourself but the revelation maes Spencers weak.

“Traditional?,” he manages to squeak out. You notice his shift in behavior, and you slow down for a moment. 

“We don’t have to talk about that kinda stuff, Spence. It’s more of a girls night thing I’d talk about with Garcia and JJ - though they already know about most of it,” you say lightly. Spencer chokes a bit as you continue to reveal details. 

“No, it's not that. I’m… interested?,” he says nervously, chewing the inside of his lip. You tilt your head, surprised by his curiosity. 

“Didn’t take you for a freak, pretty boy,” you comment, giggling. Spencer's face turns hot, but you reassure him you’re only kidding. 

“Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t really care for the whole subservient role, especially not in bed. I enjoy seeing someone do what I say, and having things go my way. I’ve always been like that, figured that out with my first highschool boyfriend, hah,” you say, sipping your lemonade. 

Spencer swallows at the realization that you’re probably experienced, very experienced in that department. He shifts in his set again and your eyes settle on him for a moment, neither of you making eye contact but rather observing each other

“I don’t know how to explain it all that well, but I like it when I can be just a little mean, you know,” you say, smiling. Your tone is joking but your words have weight to them. Spencer's throat is closing up as you speak but he smiles back at you fondly. You take notice but hold yourself back. 

“You sure you’re okay, Spencer?,” your voice is different this time. Knowing. Spencer's eyes flutter over to you and he’s aware rather suddenly of your being. The way your chest rises and falls as you speak, the smoothness of your lips around the glass, the way your hair falls over your face. He nods as you observe him. Your lips twitch up into a smile. 

“Spencer, could it be resident boy genius is a sub?,” you say incredulous. Spencers whole face flushes and you find your clit up at attention at the non-verbal confession. 

While he may be oblivious to it, you had a rather massive crush on Spencer. Something about his intelligence was remarkably sexy to you and knowing he was also a good person didn’t make the feelings any easier. Who could blame you for having a crush on Spencer, anway? Most people did - it was part of the reason you never told him. Based on his personality and dating history - it didn’t really seem like you were his type. You weren’t massively intelligent or particularly unique (at least you didn’t think so) so you couldn’t imagine Spencer having a crush on you. You were great, but you didn’t think you were Spencers type, thats all. 

However, that didn’t stop you from thinking about him - really the opposite. Every waking moment you’d catch him doing something absentmindedly you cute - your brain begged to see him fucked out and sleepy. He’d ramble about something for so many minutes and all you wanted to do was sit on his face and shut him up (and then let him continue because he was honest to god so cute like that)

The point was that Spencer really did something to you. You had countless lingering thoughts about him but to know that this was actually something he was into made your head spin. You couldn’t hold your expression back and maybe it was your own masochism that made you want to know more but god did you want to know more.

“How long have you known about yourself, Spence?” you interrogate. Spencer swallows and prays to every deity his mind can manage as he looks at you pleadingly but you can’t recognize what the pleading is really for. 

“How long have you been on the team?,” Spencer speaks before he can really understand the weight of his words, and the second he says the whole room stops. You look at him with delighted surprise and he shuts his eyes at contempt for his own existence. 

“No fucking way,” you can’t help the little inhale you do at the realization. Pure excitement just emanating from your being like nobody's business. You were genuinely going to lose your mind at this revelation. Spencer Reid discovered that hes a sub because of you? Were you dreaming?

If this wasn’t Spencer's apartment he would’ve run away. He just had to look at you instead and face the fact he just revealed his own sins. Your laugh at Spencer revelation made the little nagging voice in Spencers head just a little louder and that meant that - 

“You’re really into whatever you’ve been thinking of huh?,” you say, eyeing the hard-on in his pants casually. Spencer looks down and places a pillow on his lap, wishing to throw his entire existence into a fire and to never ever look back. 

“Shit,” he doesn’t know what else to say. He’s at total wits end with himself and is forced to deal with the repercussions of his horniness. 

On the other hand there was you, eyes full of delight as your mind raced with all the thoughts of what Spencer could be thinking about. Anything was good really, any level of him giving up his control to you was good. It all worked for you but whatever he’d been thinking about specifically had you itching to know. 

“What could it be? I mean - seriously, I have to know what has the beloved Doctor this flustered. You have to tell me,” you say smiling. Spencer just shakes his head. 

“Aww c'mon, do you want me to start guessing?,” you joke. Spencer looks at you that time and you realize that might be key. You look at him in surprise. 

“Okay, well let’s think. It started when we worked together which means it was probably when we were in the field,” you start profiling Spencer, which on one hand he’s not a fan of but on another he’s a little turned on by. 

You chew on your lip as you think for a minute. 

“The work I do on the field sorta depends, but mostly I diffuse situations,” you say softly, really to only yourself. “But also, I do a lot of interrogations, and with the way you reacted to that whole being mean thing, I’m gonna go ahead and place my bets on that,” you conclude. You look to Spencer for approval and his eyes are hazy as he nods a yes. 

You place your glass on the table, and move in front of Spencer. Normally your height isn’t all too important to him but right now your being towers over him and all he can do is look up at you. You wish you had the patience to do a little bit more teasing but you couldn’t hold back too much. Your knee is between his legs as you bend it and lean over him. Your fingers brush his hair back for a moment as you use your knuckle to pull his face up. He wants to refuse but he can’t so he lets you - looking at you tenderly. He’s cute like this. 

“Spence, you know I actually like you right?,” 

“No,” 

You laugh lazily. Your hands on the side of his face, brushing your thumb along his cheek as you look at him adoringly. 

“I like you a whole lot, probably a lot more than like - actually. So whatever we do after this - if you want to do something anyways, it’s because I actually like you,” you say softly. Spencer nods, blush staining his cheeks. 

“I - uh, like you too,” he says warmly. You chew your lip. 

“Can I kiss you, Spencer?,” the way you ask makes Spencer's heart melt. This was you, all at once. No sides of any coins, still kind and warm and thoughtful, but still mean and intimidating in the way Spencer likes. He wants to scream yes, but he nods instead. 

You brush your lips over his for a second, smiling as he moves forwards to gain some contact. You don’t hesitate to kiss him forreal that time, lips pressed to his as your hand lays at the base of his necks, fingers pressing into his throat as he sighs. Your lips are warm, your touch is soft and Spencer could cry with how gentle you treat him. You pull away and brush your nose against his. 

“For someone who kisses like that, I’m surprised you’re so into the idea of being degraded,” you chuckle. Spencer coughs and just looks at you shyly. 

“Yeah, I really am,” his voice is hoarse.

You straddle yourself in Spencers lap and move the pillow. All the sudden contact makes his skin flush and he looks at you needy. Your pants are loose but your tank top is tight, and he finds his eyes looking at your chest before he can think about it. You roll your eyes at him, leaning into his neck to press a kiss on it. He whimpers and you smile - he really is desperate.

“Perv,” you murmur to him.He laughs. 

“Can’t say you’re wrong,” 

“Before we go any further, I wanna give you a safe word. I wouldn’t normally be doing something like this the first time for the purposes of semantics but I want you too badly to wait that long. I want to make sure it doesn’t get to be too much for you, in a bad way at least,” you say softly. Spencer looks at you and kisses you, and you laugh. 

“We can do Red for Stop, Yellow for Slow Down, and Green for Go,” you explain warmly. He nods. 

“Okay,” he says it back to you as he buries his face in your neck. You pet his hair and place a kiss on his head. 

“Tell me what you want, angel,” you say first. Your voice is smooth like silk, the word angel rings out in his mind. It’s too pretty for what he wants you to do and maybe that's why he likes it so much. The juxtaposition to be something so pretty when all he wants you to do is ruin him. 

He wants so much all at once he has trouble verbalizing any of it. It’d come out so incoherent even if he tried but he wants it, whatever the case may be. He feels your hands on his chest while you stare him down. He makes eye-contact and when he tries to look down again your hands force his chin up. 

“Gotta look at me when you say it, baby. Otherwise, I won’t know who you’re talking too,” you say thoughtfully. Fuck - thats hot. Spencer swallows and nods, looking into your eyes as his mind racks itself with possibilities. 

“Wanna fuck you,” he can’t believe how it sounds. He has so much more that he wants - he wants to fuck you while you absolutely take away his ability to cum. He wants to hear your voice when you talk down to him about it - about how hard he is when you get like this, and about how dirty he must really be. He wants to hear you threaten him with the possibility of being blue-balled hanging over his head. He wants you to be so fucking mean to him because he knows it doesn’t matter - he knows all the choice is yours and he really does love to please you and he knows he’s quite the masochist for it. He doesn’t care. 

“I think you wanna do a little bit more than fuck me, Spence,” you giggle. Your eyes turn a shade darker as your hand moves to his throat. His hands are planted to his sides as your grip tightens around his neck - voice cold as you whisper into his ear. 

“I think you want me to fuck you instead, yeah? Watch your teeth sink into your lips while I sit on your dick and make fun of you for how easy you twitch when I move. You’re so easy, Spencer,” the words leave your mouth and spill like wine. The words stain his whole mind with lust - absolutely aching to hear more. Fuck did he want that. 

“Take your shirt off,” you don’t ask. He does so without warning and his eyes beg you do the same. 

“I’ll take mine off when you’ve earned it, unzip your pants,” you reply nonchalant. He holds back a whimper and does so, his cock stiff against his boxer-briefs. You stand up and slide your pants off and your wearing boy-shorts, making Spencer sigh. 

He looks up at you pleadingly, and you smile at him. You walk up to him again and smile, as he looks up at you. You let him lay his head on your stomach as he looks at you, your fingers tucked into his curls. 

You tug them as you force him to look up at you. He groans from his throat as your other hand is placed on the side of his face. His eyes are weary as he looks at you. Your hands threaten to place a hit on him. 

“You should get all that begging under control before there's a handmark on that pretty face of yours love,” you say softly. He looks at you with challenge.

“I don’t think I can, miss,” he says softly. You want to kiss him but you refrain. 

“Color?,”

“Green” 

You lift your hand and place a firm hit on Spencer's cheek. He relishes in the pain, the demand your fingers have in them. You command respect and he knew it deep in him. He groans at the feeling.

“Didn’t take you for the type,” your commentary is sly like Spencer likes it. It’s mean in a witty way, not degrading just to do it. It fits perfect with your demeanor and Spencer adores it. 

You grab a stool from near one of Spencer bookshelves and place it between his legs. You’ve picked up tie from the ground while you sit yourself in front of him

“Stand up and turn around, and put your hands together behind your back,” you say, voice laced with faux boredom. Spencer does as told as you tie his hands together. You stare at him like that, taking note at his figure. He’s slim and it’s cute to you. 

You pull his boxers down and spit into your hand, reaching around to wrap your hands around his cock. He hisses at the feeling, finding his hips rutting into them. He was so desperate for it. 

“There's so much to do with you, I don’t even know where to start,” you sigh. Spencers mind races as your hand moves across him, wrapping around his length tight and letting your thumb run over his slit - just so you could feel how it twitched. 

“I could make you cum like this, facing away from me - too focused on being degraded to care. You’d still get off on that wouldn’t you, angel?,” you say warmly. You stand up and place your hands under his chin. He looks down at it. 

“Spit,” 

He does as told. You drip it across his length and he shivers as you take him back into your pals, fingers curled tightly around his base while your other hand plays with his nipples. Your thumbs flick across them carefully and he whimpers, knees nearly folding at the sensation of pleasure. 

“You don’t seem like one for visuals but maybe it’d be more fun for me if I fucked myself in front you with your hands behind your back. All of what would be on your dick, slick on my fingers instead. If I were nice, I’d let you taste me,” you muse. Spencer throws his head back at your words. 

“Or maybe that type of torture isn’t your cup of tea. What’d you prefer Spencer? You cum so many times you nearly pass out from all the pleasure? At the end of all that, you’d have been so ruined that you’d have nothing to show for it when you came. Your whole body aching pleasure but with nothing left to give,” your thoughts come to you in phases but to Spencer the sound like holy scripture. Dry orgasms sound painful but Spencer was certainly intrigued. 

“I wonder if you’d cry for me, baby. When your dick gets all red and sensitive and it hurts, would I have to wipe the tears off your pretty face? Sounds nice,” your voice is light and makes Spencer want to smile. He didn’t take you for that much of a sadist but he finds himself pleasantly surprised by the revelation

Your grip on his shaft tightens rather suddenly and Spencer whimpers. His voice is shaky, bare chest rising and falling at the feeling of your hands gripped around him. 

“Fuck, please,” Spencer begs you to ease up but he doesn’t really want you too. You sigh, placing a kiss on his back. 

“Please, what? You want me to stop?,” you ask, knowing damn well that it was the opposite. He shakes his head. 

“Please let me fuck you, please,” the need in Spencer's voice was rather nice. You pull your hand off and tell Spencer to lay down on the couch. He does so without question but aches with how much he misses your touch. He moved against his restraints to try and get some friction but no luck.

He watches you as you pull down your underwear, giving him a view to how wet you are. A slick spot just sitting between your thighs, pretty as can be. Spencer's throat is dry, the urge to touch you sending his mind into agony. 

“You talk too much,” your actions speak louder than words as you position yourself over Spencer's face. His neck cranes up to get a taste of you, tongue flatly along your slit trying to get some friction. You groan at the feeling, as Spencer laps at you. Flicking his tongue back and forth along your clit, curling around before sucking it into his mouth for a few seconds at a time. 

“Jesus, Spencer,” you moan out to him, finger gripping in his hair. He wished he could verbalize how grateful he was, but he tried his best to show it instead. He could do this all day if you let him, and if his hands were free he’d wrap them tightly around your hips so you’d lean more weight on him. You could break his neck, honestly. It wouldn't matter to him, the way you had him feeling. 

You grind your hips, rutting against Spencer's tongue as you ride yourself closer to orgasm. The sound of you getting off mixed with the taste of you on his tongue made Spencer feel like he was living off of you and he didn’t mind. You were so good to him. 

“I’m gonna fuck the shit out of you,” is the last words you say before you cum all over Spencer face. Riding your orgasm out, you move and look down at Spencer, face flush. He smiles at you, absolutely ecstatic and you can’t help but laugh. 

“I’ll untie you now, you did so good for me baby,” you praise softly, untying Spencer's hands. The first thing he does is sit up and wrap his arms around your waist. He places kisses along your naval as you pet his hair. He looks up at you, your orgasm still clear on his face. You cup his jaw and kiss him, just a little messy. 

“You're soft, baby,” you note. He nods, seeming sleepy already and you wanna coo at him. He looks up at you again and shakes his head. 

“Be mean to me, please,” his voice is shaky. You’re surprised, leaning down to give him a kiss on the forehead before you agree. 

“Sit back,” you demand. He does so without question as you straddle his lap. He can feel his tip brushing back and forth between your folds as you look at him adoringly, face full of affection mixed with an urge to give him what he’s so kindly asked for. 

You wrap your hands around his neck as you sink down on Spencer cock. It stretches you out slowly, wrapped tightly around Spencer. He hits your cervix with ease. His breathing is labored, his hand holding your wrist as you choke him. 

“Look at you, my love. I’m taking your breath away, and you're giving it up to me just like that? You want me to wreck you that badly huh? I didn’t take your for such a slut,” you utter that last word with false confidence but the way Spencer adores every second of it gives you real confidence instead. He could cum right then and there - hearing you call him a slut makes him feel something rather unexpected. It’s an ultimate powerplay, because the both of you know that right now he’s only giving it up for you, but it implies something so much greater. He likes it so much, likes the sound of bombarding him with pleasure and degradation that when he moans, voice strained as the column of his neck gets squeezed - he doesn’t really know how to stop himself from saying again. 

“You like being a slut for me baby?,” you ask, bouncing up and down on Spencer cock, feeling the way he twitches in you. You let go of his throat, and he coughs before looking at you softly. His fingers run over the feeling of your hands. Your mouth moves to his neck instead, marking hickies into it as he holds onto your hips and fucks into you. He nods his head yes at your question. 

“You’re so needy, love,” you remark, pulling back and using your fingers to rub your clit as Spencer fucks into you. You cum again a second time, convulsing around Spencer's length as you moan his name.

“Please, please can I cum?,” Spencer asks politely. You’d love to tease him more, but you figure it may be too much for him so you just nod. You kiss him softly. 

“Anywhere you wanna finish?,” you ask. He looks immediately at your chest. You take off your tank top and bra and get on your knees for Spencer as he finishes on your chest, voice groaning your name. 

“Y/N - fuck, oh my god,” His eyes are shut in pleasure and you can’t help but smile at him. When he comes down from his high and sees you stood up, looking for your clothes - he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you and pull you down to the couch. You giggle as he does. 

“You did so good for me, baby. You’re such a good boy,” the praises fall from your lips with ease as Spencer mutters a flushed thank you. You reach to the table for a tissue as you wipe the cum off of your chest, making Spencer snort. 

You turn around to be facing Spencer, naked bodies just holding each other. You play with Spencer's hair pressing constant kisses into his shoulders, or on his forehead. Anywhere you can get them really. 

“It’s time for aftercare soon, but we can sit here a little longer if you like. Just no sleeping until we’ve showered and eaten and you’re taken care of, okay?,” you say lovingly, tucking Spencer's hair back behind his ear. He smiles at you softly, the feeling of being pampered like that holding him close.

“Hey, Y/N,” he looks at you with adoration “Will you please be my girlfriend? Cause I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you,” he says with sincerity. You can’t help but chuckle as you kiss him slowly. 

“Yes, Spence, of course. I’m in love with you too, by the way,” you say back. Spencer simply smiles, hugging you tight and hoping to never let you go. 

______

taglist: @cynbx​ @skrrrrrrrrrrt​ @zephyr-studiesjp​ @reid-187​

The loneliest time of the year || Part two

Part 2 of 4

Summary: With a broken heart and the fear of having failed as a father, Frankie returns to his parents house for Christmas. What is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year feels quite lonely. Though when an old friend shows up unexpectedly with her young son in tow, Frankie’s Christmas seems to gain a little more happiness. Can they help each other fight the ghosts of their pasts and overcome their fears ?

A/N: This is part of my 12 days of Christmas / Advent special. Likes, reblogs, comments are all much appreciated.

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.]

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Four messed up pies

By the morning of December 9th a heavy blanket of snow rests upon the world like a tick coat of marshmallow fluff. 

A restlessness surges through Frankie as he turns from his left to his right to his back then repeats the process all over again. He kicks away the blankets then pulls them back. Sleep doesn’t come easy these days. In fact sleep hasn’t come easy in a while. It’s a price you have to pay for leading the life he leads, has led. For doing the job he did. You see things, bad things, and they stay with you. Not always but in the quiet moments they creep back into your mind and all you can do is stare and hope they fade again soon. Fill your brain with other things. Occupy your mind.

It’s moments like these that his fingers are twitching and his body is aching for release. For something to numb his mind. Help him forget. 

There aren’t a lot of things that Frankie is proud of. In fact he can count them on one hand. One of them is his ability to fly. He's a damn good pilot … most of the time. (He is when someone doesn’t force him to navigate an overloaded plane across the Andes). He’s proud of Rosie. Despite his flaws and shortcomings he managed to create something so utterly perfect, that’s something to be proud of. And the. There’s the little coin in the pocket of his jacket. The one he fumbles with whenever he’s anxious or stressed. It’s gold and smooth and it proudly displays a big number 10 in the middle of a triangle on the front of the coin.

10 months. That’s a proud achievement. 

It could be more. It should be more! He really tried but after coming home from Colombia, one man less than they went in, after his girlfriend broke up with him and took Rosie with her. After everything. He needed the psi to stop. Just for one goddamn minute. He felt immediate regret wash over him when he woke up the next morning. Called Pope. Entered a 12 step program.

10 months and he feels better. He likes himself more now. But in those 10 months the voices have gotten louder, the images clearer, his heart feels heavier. 

With sleep being so far out of reach, he kicks off the blanket and drags his body out of bed. The smell of coffee hits his nose as soon as he steps out of his room, it drifts from the kitchen all the way up the stairs. 

His parents are sitting by the kitchen counter, mom holding onto a big steaming mug of coffee while his dad is deeply invested in the morning. Paper, glasses perched low on his nose. This is home, it sends him straight back to his childhood. If only, he thinks, if only he could provide this sense of warmth and domesticity for his own child. 

A knock on the front door shakes him from his thoughts. As he swings it open, a sharp sting of cold winter air whips at him, nips at his nose, his ears and his bare feet.

“Frankie hey, oh sorry did I wake you?”

(Y/N) is once again bundled up in layers of cozy clothes, keeping her warm and sheltered from the harsh weather. She looks cute. Absolutely fucking adorable. But in that moment, he doesn’t really notice that. Doesn’t notice Leo standing behind her either. His entire attention rests on the steaming pie she holds in her hands. 

“You made a pie?”

“She made 4.” Leo speaks up, his voice dripping with irritation and annoyance. 

“Thanks for throwing me under the bus, dude!”

Frankie regards the exchange with a fond smile pulling at the corners of his lips. There’s something so distinctly familiar in the way she interacts with her son, so unapologetically her. The way she’s always been. But now grown up entirely. A mother. 

“Why did you make 4 pies?” He asks, eyebrows raised in amusement.

“Well I didn’t plan on making 4. The first one I mistook salt for sugar so you can imagine how it tasted. The second one I put way too much sugar in, might’ve been trying to compensate for my mistake with the first one but yeah that one did end up in the trash as well. The third … well I got pretty invested in an episode of unsolved mysteries and forgot it was in the oven so it turned out um — “

“Black. It was burned to a crisp.” Leo chimes up again, this time more amused than annoyed by his mother’s baking escapades.

“Yeah. It burned. But number 4 is looking pretty good.”

She looks up at Frankie with a smile so radiant it rivals the sun reflecting on the snowy ground. Pride shines in her eyes as she holds the pie towards him.

“Did you make me a pie?”

“Not exactly. It’s mostly for your folks. They agreed to watch this one while I got shopping for his Christmas presents.” (Y/N) explains, her tumb motioning towards the little boy over her shoulder. “This is a thank you to them for being literal angels. “

“Oh man you wouldn’t be saying that if you had to live with them growing up. I can’t tell you how many times dad unplugged my console while I was in the middle of a game.”

It’s a joke, of course it is. He really lucked out in the parents department and he’s not too proud or too shy to admit it. Maybe, he thinks, the good parent gene might’ve skipped a generation with him. His ex will surely agree with that statement. 

“Hey uh — you mind having some company while shopping ?”

“You wanna go shopping for toys?”

“I need to get some presents for my daughter.”

“Oh that’s right, you have a kid too. “

He doesn’t blame her for not remembering. He doesn’t strike people as the father type. And really, he hasn’t seen his little one in quite some time.doesn’t see her during the entire Christmas time. Is he really much of a father anyway?

“Sure yeah! I’d love some company.”

Maybe, Frankie thinks, this will help him drown out the voice. Those that tell him bad thoughts, whisper mean things. Maybe it will help him filter out the images. The blood. The suffering.

Frankie was never overly fond of the extreme commercialization of what should be a peaceful family holiday. But maybe this year he is,a little bit at least. Because those bright colors, the loud noises, the crowds, the ads assaulting you from every corner, that all will help drown out the dark. At least for a moment. 

“Alright lemme just get changed real quick.”

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Five days a week

“What the fuck is this?”

“It’s uh … it’s a … a game?”

“A game where you have to catch a piece of … poop.”

A wave of laughter tumbles from (Y/N)’s lips as Frankie holds up the brightly colored box, proudly displaying a drawing of a smiling turd. 

“It’s so dumb. And that says a lot coming from me, I can appreciate a good fart joke. But this is …. this is just dumb. “

“ It's what the kids these days want. I guess …”

“Would you buy this for Leo?”

“Absolutely not,” (Y/N) replies before taking the box from his hand and placing it back on the shelf between several more games of a similar kind. “But he wouldn’t like it anyway. Leo likes books and animals and fantasy movies. He’s so smart sometimes I wonder where he got it from.”

“You kidding me?” Frankie exclaims, “you’re so smart and if I remember correctly, you always carried around books when you were younger.”

(Y/N) just shrugs at his words though Frankie can’t make out a faint blush of red dusting her cheeks. “Leo is such an easy kid, always has been. Sometimes I wonder if that’s really the way he is or if he just tries to be that way because of me. Because he knows that I have to do all the parenting by myself and he feels he’s responsible for helping me along.”

“Don’t be silly. You’re doing good with him. Least you know what to get him for Christmas, what he cares about, what he’s interested in.”

His heart feels so heavy. His words seem to weigh down on his tongue like a stack of bricks. To admit your own failures to yourself is one thing, to admit them to someone else is quite another story.

“What do you mean ?”

“I — I have no idea what to get for Rosie. I don’t even know when I’ll see her next. She stays with her mom 5 days a week. I only get her on the weekends and even then her mom often finds a reason not to let her stay. Special occasions? I don’t get to spend those with her. Bet she doesn’t even recognize me anymore next time. She’s just a baby …”

This can’t be happening. He’s not going to start crying in the middle of a Toys R Us like a hyperactive toddler on a temper tantrum. Not in front of a beautiful girl who has been nothing but kind to him. This can’t be happening.

(Y/N)’s hand settles on his arm with a gentle touch. Almost as if she’s afraid he’ll break any minute now. And honestly, he might.

“Tell me about Rosie. I know she means the world to you and that’s all that matters Frankie. You’re trying. You’re trying so hard and I’m sure there’s lots about her that you know that no one else does. She’s your baby too. So tell me about her and we’ll figure out what to get her.”

And so they sit down on a swing set, one that’s definitely not meant for adults to sit on and have deep discussions, and Frankie starts talking. Once he starts it’s like a cork has been popped. It pours out of him, all of his pride and admiration and love for Rosie. All that has been brewing for so long now bubbles over. 

“... and she, she loves cuddling onto my chest and just listens to me. She doesn’t understand a word but she looks at me with her big beautiful eyes and it feels like I’m telling her all the biggest secrets of the universe the way she looks at me. Sometimes I sing and she — she falls asleep immediately.”

“That’s adorable.”

“Nah I think it's because my rendition of Eric Clapton is just real bad and boring.”

Their laughter is quiet, almost as if they are afraid of breaking the spell of this moment. Sometimes you find yourself at your most vulnerable during the big moments of your life and sometimes you do in the middle of a Toys R Us, sitting on a swingest that just barely holds your weight while a plastic giraffe looks over your shoulder and Kacey Musgrave’s rendition of “I’ll be home for Christmas” plays over the same overhead speakers that have been installed there in 1983.

“I just don’t want to disappoint her.”

 He’s already disappointing himself and that hurts bad enough.

“Frankie, let me be honest with you. She’s a baby, she’s not gonna care what you get for her. This is more about you than her. Whatever you get she’s gonna like it. Babies are easy to please, gets harder the older they get. We’ll find something cute for her but um … I think you should call her.”

“She’s a baby, she doesn’t have a phone yet.”

“ Really? I had Leo on a newborn data plan the second he popped out.”

Frankie raises his eyebrow in confusion.

“I was joking you dingus. Of course you’re gonna call her mom. There’s this thing, I don’t know if you’ve heard about it, it’s called FaceTime. You can actually see ther person on the other side. “ 

“ Very funny. I know what facetime is … “ 

“ Then call them. You said it yourself, the little one doesn’t understand a word of what you’re saying but that doesn’t matter. You’re there. You’re showing interest and taking initiative. It shows you care. And I think seeing her might be good for you too, even if it’s not in person.” 

“ You know, that sounds like a pretty good plan. “ 

“ Yeah? “ she asks him, a hopeful glimmer in her eyes, in her voice, in her entire being.

“ Yeah. “ 

“ Alright! Now let’s go find some presents for the little princess. May I suggest a cellphone? “ 

This time her laughter isn’t quite. It’s loud and radiant and the way her own joke amuses herself, is so goddamn endearing to Frankie. 

“ Ah shut up. “ he replies though his voice too is dipped in amusement as he throws his arm around her shoulders and they walk down the shiny linoleum floor, past dolls and teddy bears and Star Wars action figures.

And it feels right. Like the fit together perfectly. Like puzzle pieces slotting into place. 

And that feeling is damn scary.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Six-hour flights.

The floor of (Y/N)’s living room is covered in wrapping paper. Reds and greens and silvers and golds hide what once was a nice dark cherry wood floor. There are bows and ribbons and gift tags in all shapes and sizes and colors. 

“ Looks like Santa’s workshop in here, “ Frankie exclaims as he drops down on the floor next to her. All the presents they’ve purchased, neatly lined up in front of them, ready to be wrapped. Though to be fair, Frankie is quite sure he’s not gonna do a lot of wrapping himself. Sometimes you gotta admit defeat. And he ain’t too proud to admit that he is a horrible, horrible wrapper. 

“ Yeah, I know I’m making a big fuss over things like this. Wrapping and the tree and stuff like that. I just — I don’t know it just makes me happy when I see that my actions put a smile on the faces of the people I love. “ 

“ Oh I wasn't judging. It’s sweet. “ 

For a while they stay in comfortable silence. Just them and the radio playing old Christmas songs. (Y/N)’s hands do quick work on the presents, Santa’s elves would be jealous. 

It’s the first time in a long time, that silence doesn’t make him feel uncomfortable. That it doesn’t open up the gates for the voices to grow louder and the bad images to consume his head. No, this silence feels comfortable. It’s soft and warm. It’s tinted in golds and reds. 

Maybe, he thinks, maybe seeking the company of someone who exudes joy and warmth does him good. Someone who knows him but not the bad. Never the bad. The faults, yes, the fears even, but not the blood that stains his hands or the vices he so desperately tries to fight.

“ What was the best Christmas present you ever got? “ (Y/N) speaks up as she glides a pair of scissors along the ribbon turning it into shiny curls. 

“ Millennium Falcon playset.” 

“ You and a million other little boys. “ 

“True. What can I say, I was easily pleased. What was yours ?”

(Y/N) thinks for a moment before a wistful smile settles on her face. 

“My bubblegum pink roller skates.”

“Oh, I remember those!”

And he did. Squeaky pink roller skates with 4 pastel blue wheels and glittery silver laces.

“I remember the following summer all you did was skate up and down the street.  “

“Yeeeah but that wasn’t entirely because of the skates.”

Frankie combs his hair from his face, he really needs to get it cut, and looks at her in confusion. “Huh?”

Another chuckle falls from (Y/N) ‘s lips. “I can’t believe you didn’t notice.”

“ Notice what?”

“That I had the biggest crush on you.”

Frankie is grateful for the fact that he’s not taking a sip of his drink right then, it surely would’ve ended in a spit-take. He was a nerdy kid, a nerdy teenager too. Kinda shy, a little lost. He wasn’t usually the boy that girls fancied.

“Me? You had a crush on me? “

It doesn’t make sense, not really. She was the one that was fascinating and exciting. Though he didn’t think of her that way when they were kids, he knew she was beautiful even back then. He hadn’t been interested in her romantically because she was a few years younger but that didn’t meanie didn’t realize the magic she held.

“Yes, you. You were cool, Frankie. You were older and you knew stuff about cars and planes and you could name every Star Wars spaceship and you had a skateboard. “

“I was a horrible skater.”

“Sure but it wasn’t so much about the skating as it was about the aesthetic. You were cool and you still are cool”

Frankie shrugs his shoulder nonchalantly. She thought he was cool, still does. No one ever thought he was cool. He isn’t a smooth talker like Pope and even he himself can admit that look wise he isn’t even playing in the same league as Will and Benny. But if (Y/N) thinks he’s cool that must mean something. Right ?

“You were the one traveling all over the world with your dad and you thought I was cool?”

She sets down the scissors, let’s her hands rest on her lap. There’s a sense of nervousness exuding from her now. Like the words she wants to speak are resting on the tip of her tongue and yet they are so difficult to speak.

“Maybe that was part of it too. I never had a real home. Nothing stable at least. Except for my grandparents’ house. This was home and you were, you are, forever entwined with my idea of home. Sometimes I missed this place so much that I’d sit in my room and my little brain would think of all the fun adventures we could go on if only I was old enough to hop on a 6 hour flight by myself. I’d ask grandma about you every time I called and she always told me what trouble you got into.”

“Oh no.”

“Oh yeah and that only made you more exciting in my eyes. Then she’d offer to let me speak to you but I was too chicken shit to do it. Thought you might look right through my facade and realize how into you I was.”

“I was so oblivious, I can assure you I wouldn’t have noticed.”

“Well … it’s too late now.”

“I guess so. Just — next time you fall in love with me let me know, alright.”

Her laugh rings through the room like bells, like songs, like whispers of a childhood magic long forgotten.

“That only sounds fair. It’s a deal.”

“Good, now …. would you mind wrapping my gifts for Rosie?”

“Nope, but in return would you come see Leo’s play with me next week? My dad can’t come and I think Leo would like to have some more people there that support him. And he seems to think you’re cool so …”

“Huh guess if you both think so it must be true.”

“Don’t let it get to your head.”

“Of course I’ll come. “

She smiles and it sends a weird flicker through him. Like fire, like electricity. 

“ Now let me teach you how to curl the ribbon properly.”

As Far As Friends Go

Chapter 17 (Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6; Chapter 7; Chapter 8; Chapter 9; Chapter 10; Chapter 11; Chapter 12; Chapter 13; Chapter 14; Chapter 15; Chapter 16)

Emily - September - October 1944 Emily’s mind was with Nixon as she quietly crept down towards the kitchen. He had looked so disheveled wandering the halls like a madman. Emily worried that he was struggling to sleep again. She flicked on a small lamp just inside the kitchen. It provided enough light to guide the kettle. Within a moment Emily stood beside the stove waiting for the water to boil. She wanted to be careful to pull it off the burner just before it whistled. The last thing she wanted was to wake the entire house of officers before they left England for good.

A slight draft blew through the window panes just above the sink and Emily was glad she had thought to bring the tartan blanket from the foot of her bed. As she waited, she peered out the window expecting to see nothing but black. Emily imagined all the creatures that may be roaming about in the night. She had seen plenty of deer, rabbits, and even a few foxes since coming to Aldbourne. Instead of woodland animals, Emily made out the faint silhouette of someone sitting on the bench only a few yards from the manor. She squinted through the pane wondering if it was one of the officers. A speck of orange illuminated the raven night and Emily recognized the posture of the man smoking. She knew that figure, she had sat beside him for hours. Emily pulled the kettle off of the stove and filled two mugs. Clutching her blanket with one hand, Emily balanced the steaming mugs against her chest. The ceramics weren’t hot through the wool blanket but she walked quickly outside anyways, afraid the tea would cool once it hit the night air. “Hey Joe,” Emily approached Joe Toye, adjusting her grip on the mugs. It was chilly outside, but not so cold that the blanket wouldn’t suffice for warmth. The bench Joe sat on was perfect for over looking the low swooping valley below. Emily could smell the smoke from his cigarette who’s tip glowed each time he sucked at it. “Am I disturbing you?” She asked. “Emily, hey,” Joe hardly turned to look over her shoulder, “nah, take a seat.” Emily circled the bench and sat down beside him gazing off into the darkness. She held out one of the hot mugs, “tea?” she asked. Joe grimaced, but accepted the cup, “I don’t know why the tom’s are so moony over this stuff,” he said taking a tentative drink. Emily chuckled, “you don’t have to drink it.” “Eh it’s okay, thanks,” Joe flicked his cigarette to the ground. “So what’re you doing out here?” Emily asked. “I don’t know, just couldn’t sleep.” “Feeling anxious about tomorrow?” Emily kept her voice gentle. Something about Joe allowed her to immediately let her guard down. She felt totally comfortable around him but that didn’t mean he was comfortable around her. “A little bit, I don’t know.” “That’s reasonable to feel that way,” Emily said. She didn’t want to push him. Joe exhaled deeply. They sat in companionable silence for a while. A breeze rattled the leaves in the trees as if warning them of their fate. Emily much preferred the cold to the heat. She was perfectly content cocooned in her blanket with the cool air turning her cheeks red. “Would you call me a coward if I told you I was scared?” Joe’s voice was husky. Emily looked at him in surprise. “Not at all Joe! Not one bit.” Even in the dark Emily could see Joe’s Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed. “Is there something specific you’re worried about?” Emily asked gently. “I don’t wanna let anyone down,” Joe confessed into the night. “Joe, why would you say that? You’re not going to let anyone down. You’re one of the best soldiers in Easy Company.” Joe chuckled humorlessly, “I have a hard time believing that.” “It’s true,” Emily kept her voice low, “ask any guy here. You’re the one they want in their corner. You’re the one I want in my corner.” Emily wasn’t just saying that to make him feel better. She had gotten to know Joe well since Normandy and there were few people in the world she trusted more. Joe was the kind of guy who would be there for you without question. “Ugh,” Joe groaned. He ran a thick hand across his face. “Fuck. Sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing here, why I deserve to be with the best of the best.” Emily’s heart ached for him. She knew exactly how he was feeling. There were few feelings worse than doubting your own place. It was incredibly lonely. “Because you’re one of the best,” she said firmly. Joe laughed bitterly but otherwise accepted her compliment. “I honestly wonder what I’m doing here sometimes too,” Emily admitted. “Yeah?” Joe looked at her properly for the first time all night. “Yeah. I came over here a completely different person and now,” she shrugged, “now sometimes I don’t know who I am or what I’m doing.” “You’re the map girl,” Joe said matter-of-factly. Emily laughed, “oh is that what I am?” Joe allowed himself a little smile, “I mean that’s what we call you. That’s one of your nicknames at least.” Emily’s mouth dropped in mock shock, she was curious, “What? How did I not know I had nicknames! What else am I known by?” “You really wanna know?” “Yes!” “Mrs. Nixon.” A shiver ran through Emily’s body and her face grew hot. “Sorry if that embarrasses ya,” Joe said. “Why Mrs. Nixon?” Emily tried to keep her voice light. “You know there’s a real Mrs. Nixon right?” Joe shrugged, “yeah, but you’re like Captain Nixon’s work wife. You guys are always together workin’ on somethin’,” he said innocently. Emily’s muscles relaxed slightly at his explanation. “I prefer map girl,” she said. “Yeah me too, you got me all set up for Normandy.” “I’m glad you made it back,” Emily said sincerely. They exchanged a look that only two people who had been to hell and back could interpret. “Yeah,” he said. Emily inhaled deeply, pulling as much of the outside air into her lungs as she could. “I’m going to go back to bed. You should probably think about getting some sleep too.” “Yeah,” Joe said morosely. His thousand-yard stare was back, “yeah.” “Okay Joe,” Emily patted him tenderly on the shoulder, “good luck tomorrow.” “‘Night.” Emily made her way back to her bedroom where she fell into a restless sleep. The journey to Holland was much more grueling than the trip to France had been. The action was less concentrated and it took weeks for Emily to be reunited with her paratroopers. Operation Market Garden had gone poorly and her route was diverted towards Arnhem rather than the over-ambitious point across the Rhine. The 101st had managed to secure a few bridges and roadways but the initial encounter near Eindhoven had resulted in Easy Company’s retreat. When Emily finally reconnected with the 101st in Schoonderlogt she sought Nixon out for instructions. He and Winters were standing outside of the building where Easy’s second platoon was bunked up. She noticed the spot of raw red flesh on Nixon’s forehead as soon as she saw him. “What’s that?” she demanded, “wait and why do you smell like urine?” 
Nixon shot Winters a dirty look but didn’t offer any explanation. Winters retold a rather jarring close call Nixon had outside Eindhoven. As Easy Company moved to retreat a bullet ricocheted off his helmet, leaving behind a burn at the top of his forehead. For all intents and purposes, Nixon was fine. He had only been left with the small red scar which was expected to fade away. Nixon thought so little of his brush with death that he had the gall to be annoyed with Winters for informing Emily about the incident. Winters, cool as ever, was uninhibited by Nixon’s attitude and explained matter of factly how shaken both he and Nixon had been in the moment. “I’m fine, it’s fine. It’s not some dramatic war story!” Nixon protested. “No,” Winters conceded, “I’m just telling her how it happened.” Emily tried to match the candid energy of the men but deep down something stirred in her: panic. She wanted to scold Nixon for not retreating quicker. She wanted to ask him so many questions like if the burn had caused him any pain. What would she have done if the bullet had penetrated the metal? She would’ve lost him. It was in that moment she realized she would not be able to cope if he had been killed. “I’m fine,” Nixon repeated firmly, looking directly in her eyes. Emily cleared her throat, “I know. You’re standing here aren’t you?” “Exactly. Plus, you’re lucky you didn’t make it here earlier. 2nd and 3rd Battalions’ C.P.s were hit in force. Major Horton was killed.” “What?” Emily asked in shock, her stomach rolled with fear. “Yeah, glad you weren’t working when the Germans hit,” Winters added. Emily had missed out on so much. Obviously, the army had gotten her over as quickly as they could but she wasn’t priority personnel and the roads were difficult to travel. She cursed her femininity. If she had been a soldier she would have been able to slip back to 2nd Battalion with greater ease. Every day throughout her journey she had encountered men who were AWOL from the hospital, trekking back to their companies, and it didn’t take them nearly a month. “By the way, Em, I think we’re gonna need you later. Dick and I have got to go meet Strayer and I’m sure he’ll have a project for me,” Nixon said. “I’ll be at HQ anyways,” Emily said, “I have some things to set up anyways.” Nixon nodded at her, “thanks.” He and Winters jumped in a jeep and drove off. Emily took the chance to take in her surroundings. Everywhere around her soldiers were bustling about unloading trucks and dodging jeeps. The dirt roads were sodden with mud. Emily looked down at her boots. This wasn’t the first time she was grateful that they were part of her uniform. She began to make her way down the road past thatched grooves and stone buildings. As she walked she made various plans in her mind for what she wanted to get done once she made it the Battalion HQ. It was difficult reconnecting with her team after so much time apart. There was no saying what they had started working on, and Emily had little clue as to the recent developments in their corner of the war. The first couple of hours would inevitably be spent playing catch up. It was an extra hurdle for her to overcome, all because she would never be authorized for jump training. Let’s keep the bitter thoughts to a minimum, she chided herself. There was no place for negative thinking in a war zone. She made it to the command post to find it bustling with officers. Colonel Sink was barking orders in the background. Emily slipped in as inconspicuously as possible and found her way to a side room where other intelligence staff members were working. “Hi Larkin,” she said to a young S-1 working over an open chest. He was pulling out stacks of papers and re-arranging them on a nearby desk. “Hi Miss Rooney,” he briefly looked up to greet her. “What’s the most recent status on things?” she asked him. “Um, we’ll be in this area for a while. Patrols are being sent out to monitor the area while we get situated. A few have already successfully taken some key crossroad points.” Emily nodded, “thanks.” Larkin was concise. It was enough information for Emily to begin to work off of. She located a map of the area and began to review the intersections surrounding Schoonderlogt and outside of Arnhem. “Has anyone been tracking what’s been secured?” Emily asked. Larkin handed her another version of the map she was looking at with few places marked in red ink. “Thanks!” Emily accepted the map. “Okay,” Nixon clapped his hands together sharply, announcing his entrance, “we’ve got some work to do. We’re assisting the British Lt. Colonel Dobie here with rescuing a bunch of his men.” Lt. Colonel Dobie stepped in behind Nixon. “Where are they?” Emily asked looking up from her map. “15 miles north of the river.” Emily tracked the map as he spoke, “Easy company will meet them on the riverbank with boats.” “What do you need from us?” Emily asked Nixon. “We need to pinpoint where exactly to place the boats. Also, we need to take a look at the enemy dispositions and area maps.” Larkin directed Nixon and Dobie to the dispositions as Emily sat by feeling somewhat useless. She hadn’t yet familiarized herself with this intelligence room and she couldn’t help but feel somewhat embarrassed that she wasn’t the one confidently assisting Nixon. She could not afford to slip, not now. The rescue mission, known as Operation Pegasus, was more than successful. It took three trips but Easy Company was able to get all of the Brits across the Rhine without incident. That night Emily could hear the men cheering from the long thatched building down the road. The allied men were celebrating another day of life in their godforsaken world and it made Emily smile to think of their joy, no matter how fleeting. But tragedy struck soon after. A jumpy private shot Moose Heyliger while on guard. Welsh had arrived at the scene. The day after the event Emily could tell Welsh was shaken. His face was gaunt with exhaustion and worry. Emily’s first instinct was to comfort him, at least in the way she would have before Normandy. But Nixon’s words from months ago rang in her head. Since then, Emily had become self-conscious of her friendship with Harry. Heading Nixon’s words she had distanced herself somewhat from the engaged man; not that he really seemed to notice. And to her surprise, she hadn’t really missed him. He was still a happy face to see around and she felt an obligation to be there for him in moments he was hurting. But she had realized that she didn’t crave his company, no more than she craved George’s or any of her other friends. Welsh was nice to have around but Emily didn’t pine for him like she thought she should’ve if she were truly in love. The weeks passed and the weather grew colder in Holland. One day Emily was reviewing the allies' advance deeper into Belgium when a quick question came up. She decided to seek out Nixon to see if he could help direct her. He wasn’t in his office so she walked down the hallway to Winters’ office which was her best guess as to where Nixon might be. The glass-paned door was open but she could hear voices conversing inside so she hung back. The office was occupied by more than just Nixon and Winters. A moment later, Bill Guarnere exited the office and Winters assistant closed the office door. 

“Hiya sweetheart,” Bill said as he passed her. Emily smiled warmly at him then moved to approach the door. As she drew closer she could hear Nixon and Welsh conversing with Winters. “I’m outta here, I’m going to Rheims.” She heard Welsh’s voice through the thin door. “Strayer will be in London for at least another week for Lt. Colonel Dobie’s wedding.” Nixon was speaking now, “I personally am heading back to Aldbourne to look up a certain young lady.” Emily’s stomach sunk with Nixon’s words. She hadn’t realized he was still in touch with the woman he had been seeing in Aldbourne. There was no explanation for her feeling but the idea of Nixon traveling so far back to see his lover filled Emily with rage. What was he doing wasting his time on that woman? He was married for christ’s sake, why was this woman worth compromising that? “May I help you?” Winter’s assistant asked. Emily looked at him blankly, “uh, no, actually, never mind.” Clutching her pad folio closer to her chest she turned on her heel and marched back down the hallway.

↳Genre: Angst (literally that’s all this is)

↳Prompt: “If you don’t hold me right now, i might just fall apart” 

↳Word count: 5.3k

Warnings: Manipulation and betrayal

Pairing: Jungkook x female reader

↳Synopsis: 

Jeongguk lets go of you. But when he comes back into your life for the briefest of moments he’s a little too late.

↳A/N: This is for the wonderful @gguksgalaxy for the prompt game which I was doing like months ago. I wrote this long ago and forgot to post it (big dumb energy) Sorry Gwaen. The ending made me super sad though. But I hope you like it!

{18 years of age} 

Your heart thumps in your chest as everyone slowly gets picked into the teams. This is why you hated PE. You were usually the last one to be picked because everyone knew of your thorough incapability to play any kind of sports. It was common knowledge within your high school. So when you were forced to choose physical education as an elective to complete the required credits to graduate, you had no choice but to make yourself resilient to the fact that you would always be picked last. 

It was worse because right now Jimin and Jeongguk were the captains of the dodgeball teams. As soon as he was chosen the captain of Team A Jimin had immediately looked to you and a sly smile tugged on his lips. You could see the wheels turning in his mind and you knew he was up to something. 

So as you stand in the horrible PE attire you hope Jimin chooses you because the alternative will likely end up with you passing out. You can’t be in the same team as Jeon Jeongguk because you have a massive crush on him and every time you see him you feel like you will die. Some people call it being overdramatic but you call it being a teenager with no control over her emotions. You and Gus Isaacs are the only two people left as Jimin picks one of the guys from grade 12 into his team as his second-last pick. Not you, but someone else. 

“Y/n” 

You hear your name somewhere far in the distance but ignore the call and continue ruminating and chewing on your lip in the process. 

“Y/n” you hear your name again, and this time it’s a bit clearer but you still ignore it and think you are probably hallucinating. Until Gus Isaacs elbows your side to bring you back to reality. 

You wince in pain and hold onto the spot, giving Gus the evil eye as he motions towards the front. “Jeongguk chose you to be in his team” 

You blink stupidly at him as if you can’t comprehend what he’s saying. You can’t. You hear the words ‘Jeongguk chose you to be in his team’ but they don’t connect right in your head. In fact they don’t connect at all so you miss the memo while the whole class gawks at you as you stare blankly at Gus. 

“Y/n, do you wanna join the team?” Jeongguk asks firmly and with the usual confidence he carries. 

In your repeated blinking state you turn to look ahead only to be subjected to a questioning look by Jeongguk. 

Then your vision starts blurring and the last thing you remember is a heavy feeling taking over your limbs and someone shouting your name. 

You awaken about an hour later in the school infirmary. You crack open an eye to find a boringly dull white ceiling gracing your view. You open your other eye and lower your gaze to find-

“Jeongguk?” 

“How are you feeling?” he asks. 

Why the fuck is Jeon Jeongguk here and not Jimin? 

“I am fine” you strain as you try to get up. Jeongguk immediately places his hands on your elbows to help you sit up. You’re too wrapped up in your confusion to notice Jeongguk is touching you, otherwise, there would have been a reaction. “Where is Jimin?”

“He had to go to class and well someone needed to be here with you. So, I stayed” 

“You don’t even know me” it’s a wonder you’re able to speak at all given that you fainted because of him. But he doesn’t need to know that. 

“Are you kidding me?” he scoffs in a non-condescending way. “I have had every class with you since grade 8. Of course, I know you. Plus Jimin never shuts up about you and how great you are” 

“You know me?” your eyes widen

He rolls his eyes. “Stop treating me like I am some damn celebrity. Contrary to the popular belief I am not a jerk” 

“But you are a celebrity” you mumble under your breath, sheepishly casting your gaze at your lap. 

“What?” he squints his eyes at you. 

“Nothing. You can go by the way. I am fine” you swing your legs over the bed and plant your feet firmly on the ground. You pull yourself up with effort but a light feeling runs through you and you wobble on your feet and fall back down on the tiny bed. 

“Yeah. You’re totally fine” Jeongguk muses sarcastically as he steadies you. “The nurse said you should go home. I’ll take you. Come on” 

Your muscles feel tight and you feel the tension in every limb. This is probably what your mom means when she says she’s had an arthritis flare-up. It’s definitely not a fun feeling. You can’t move a muscle as Jeongguk quietly waits for you to say something. This is the most surreal situation you have ever been in. The eighteen-year-old you, crazed by hormones and prone to fantasizing doesn’t know how to deal with it. 

“I can go home by myself” 

“Sure. If you want faint on the way and then get kidnapped by some random creepy dude. Go ahead. Eighteen-year-old girls are like a hot commodity for those psycho’s” Jeongguk says firmly, clearly trying to scare you into submission. 

“What makes you think I won’t get kidnapped if you’re with me?” you question with a slight intention of teasing. 

He looks scandalized as his nose scrunches and brows knit together so tightly you never thought it was possible for someone to be that offended. “Excuse me. Have you seen me?” 

Yes of course, you have seen him. You’ve memorized his whole fucking face and embedded it so deep into your memory you made sure that even retrograde amnesia couldn’t get rid of it. You have been looking at him from afar for so long, you know every little thing about him. 

“Just because you are slightly buff doesn’t mean you can help me” 

“Wow” his jaw drops. “I have added weights to my routine so I am way stronger than I used to be. I could protect you”

“Spoken like a true teenage guy living on testosterone” you chuckle. 

He rolls his eyes yet again. “So now that I have proven my point, can I take you home?” 

“I’ll spare your ego” your lips pull into a grin which he echoes. 

He wraps an arm around your waist and you stand firmly on the ground, waiting to feel stable before you begin walking. Jeongguk doesn’t let go eyes resting on your face as he watches you inhale slowly before nodding. 

Your skin burns, every limb feels with fiery wrath the effect of his touch. Your mouth dries, throat completely parched. Your hands become clammy as you curl your fists into the sticky palm. 

“Are you good?” he asks

You nod. “It’s alright. You can let go” 

“And have you fall and then I get blamed for it? No way” he shakes his head, resolute. 

You sigh. “Fine then. Walk me home” you say and you won’t lie that even just a little part of you is ecstatic. 

“Gladly” he greets you with a grin when you look up at him. “Where is your locker?” he asks as you both step out of the infirmary and into the quiet hall. 

“It’s okay. I can text Jimin to bring my stuff later” 

“You and Jimin that close?” he sounds resigned about it. 

“I thought Jimin talked about me” you question as you walk side by side, Jeongguk guiding you with his hand on the small of your back. 

“He says you’re friends. But he never mentioned you were close enough for him to go to your house” Jeongguk explains, his previously cheery voice slightly deflated. 

“That’s kinda hard to do when he lives just down the street and he loves my mom’s cooking” you press your lips into a thin smile. 

“Ah” he nods in acknowledgement. “Is he just a friend or…” Jeongguk trails, not really needing to go any further because it is self-explanatory. 

You reach the west side exit and step out into the cool spring afternoon with the sun shining brightly overhead. “Why are you so interested?” you cock a brow at him. 

“No reason” he shrugs. “Just wanted to know if Jimin had a girl” he waves it off casually. “Anyway, so tell me something about yourself” 

Your eyes narrow in confusion. “We’re making small talk now?” 

“I didn’t mention the weather did I?” Jeongguk chuckles. 

“Fine. What do you want to know?”

He pouts, eyes squinting as he looks into the distance. He looks cute when pouts and he does that a lot. It’s creepy that you know this but when you’ve spent a better part of your high school life fantasizing over the guy it becomes second nature after a while. 

“Tell me something Jimin doesn’t know” his eyes widen with a hint of excitement. 

“Oh, that’s hard because I tell Jimin everything” you pause, trying to rack your brain for something you have never told Jimin. 

“There has to be one thing” Jeongguk prompts. 

Your lips just out as you try really hard to think. 

Then it hits you. 

“Don’t tell him but one time when we were younger he thought he lost his favourite toy. But really I took it from him and never told him about it” 

“Wow. What a thief” Jeongguk teases with a laugh. 

“He still talks about it and it’s so awkward” you shake your head, reminiscing about the time when Jimin has mentioned his missing action figurine. 

“Why did you take it?” Jeongguk asks. 

“The day before I took it, he went off to play with some of the other kids. I was mad that I had to play alone while he was having fun with them on the roundabout, and the swings and they were running around laughing. I felt abandoned so the next day I took it and pretended like he lost it” 

“Remind me not to piss you off” he jokes, his hand which was resting on the small of your back, suddenly thrown over your shoulder. 

You look down at his hand as it dangles over your shoulder. It’s awfully intimate for two people who have just met. But you shake your head because you can’t let these thoughts limit you and freeze you up. You’re finally talking to him and you’re having a good conversation. So you can’t jeopardize this because your body automatically reacts to his touch. That can’t be why you shoot yourself in the foot, so you maintain your calm by inhaling deeply and forcing your body to relax. 

“Tell me something you’ve never told anyone” you look at him, noticing how he’s chewing on his lips looking into the distance. 

He looks down at you with a soft smile. “I’ll tell you. I promise. When the time is right” 

“How is that fair?” you pout. 

“Wow child” he pinches your nose, wrinkling his own nose in a cute manner. He retracts his hand, letting it fall to his side.

“Fine. It’s not like I’ll die if I don’t know your deepest darkest secret” 

It elicits a hearty laugh from him. 

{20 years of age}

Jeongguk stands at your door, chewing on his lip as he tries to decide if he’s making the wrong move. But then he remembers he promised he’ll tell you something he hasn’t told anyone. Even if that was two years ago and he’s a little too late in keeping his promise he still needs to tell you. He doesn’t know where it’s going to head, or what exactly he’s going to say because you’re kind of his best friend and he doesn’t want you to feel like he doesn’t care about you. 

So with a deep inhale he knocks on the door and waits. He can hear the footsteps nearing and then the door opens to reveal you. 

“Who invited you?” you joke, stepping aside and motioning for him to come in. 

“I invited myself. I think I can come to my best friend’s house without an invitation. It’s kinda my right” he leans in and presses a kiss to your temple before ridding himself of his shoes and walking down the hall and falling onto the couch. 

You follow him with a shake of the head. After two years of being friends and then eventually best friends with him, you’ve made yourself five percent immune to his actions which border between platonic and romantic. You don’t think he realizes it because he always does things like holding your hand out of nowhere or kissing you on the forehead as a goodbye. 

You collapse next to him, and like a reflex, he pulls you into him wrapping an arm around your shoulder, fingers stroking the soft flesh. “I ask again you’re here because…” 

“I can’t come and see my best friend? I missed you” he presses a soft kiss to your forehead. Your eyes close momentarily as you cherish his touch because this is all you will get. This is as close you will be to being something more to him. 

“You can. But you just saw me five hours ago and we hung out. Now you’re here and you’re…” you look up at him and place your index finger in the middle of his forehead. “Now you’re frowning which means you’re stuck” 

“I am stuck?” he looks down at you, a soft crinkle in the corner of his eyes. 

“I mean something is bothering you” you pull your finger away and rest your hand in your lap. 

“How do you always know?” he smiles softly. 

Yeah. How do you know? 

Is it because you have loved the guy for so long or because you pay very careful attention to him? It’s not like you can tell him so you settle for-

“I just know. Now tell me what’s going on in that big head of yours” you tap his temple with your finger. 

“Okay first, I am not big-headed. Secondly, I have something to tell you” 

“Are you finally going to keep your promise from two years ago?” you shuffle your head so you can get a look at him. He’s lost in thought, a vacant expression holding his gaze away from you. 

“I am kind of dating Kira” he lets out a shaky breath. 

You pull yourself away, suddenly feeling cold all over. Your heart pounds against your chest, the rhythm thrumming so loud in your ears they start ringing. You swallow, looking into the eyes of this majestic man in front of you who has slipped from your fingers like sand. There is no hope now. He’s gone. 

But worse than that he’s dating Kira. She’s the epitome of a mean girl. Even worse. 

“Since when?” you whisper softly, feeling your heart shatter into pieces as each second passes by. 

“Four months” he replies, not meeting your gaze. “I was going to tell you but I thought I’d wait until things get serious enough” 

If there was ever any hope of recovering from this, it’s gone now. You can imagine yourself moping, and crying in the near future because you couldn’t tell him first how you felt. Maybe if you had given in to bravery instead of your fears you might have been the one dating him. 

“Why?” your heartbreak echoes in your words. You don’t know if he can hear it. You’re not even mad that he kept it from you for months. You are so severely hurt you can’t even begin to feel angry about it. It feels hollow inside, like the place where your heart should be is empty. A cold chill runs down your spine as you stare into Jeongguk’s eyes-- the ones that always feel like home-- but now they feel like a strange abyss. 

“Because she’s actually sweet. She’s nice” 

You put your feelings aside for a moment because this is bigger than you. Just because you feel like you’re suffocating sitting next to him; just because it feels like the end and just because you feel like you’ll die doesn’t mean you’ll let him ruin himself. She’s wrong for him in ways he can’t see. 

“Jeongguk. Listen, I know you think you like her. I know you think she’s nice but she’s not” 

“Please y/n” he whispers, reaching for your hand and holding it in his. “Not you. You have to side with me on this” 

“I want to. If this was someone else” your throat constricts even thinking about it. You swallow. “I would be completely happy for you. But Kira isn’t what you deserve. You deserve better. You deserve good and she’s not it” 

Jeongguk’s hold on your hand slackens. “Just because you can’t see the good in her, doesn’t mean she isn’t” 

You stare back at him, the way his jaw sets tightly, the way he’s trying so hard not to be angry at you. “I can’t. I can’t tell you what you want to hear. My job as your best friend is to save you not destroy you” 

He pulls his hand away from yours and gets up. “Whatever,” he says. “I don’t need your approval. I just thought I should tell you” 

“Jeongguk-” 

“Bye y/n” his gaze lingers on you before he walks to the front door and leaves. 

You didn’t think your friendship with Jeongguk was so fragile that it would fracture under the weight of his feelings for Kira. But since he’s actually avoiding you, you presumed wrong. He’s not been answering any of your texts or calls. He hasn’t visited you even once in the weeks after he admitted the truth to you. 

He’s vanished from your life-- like he never existed. 

It leaves a hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach to know that he’s just decided not to be a part of your life anymore. You feel hurt, but more than feeling hurt you feel disappointed in yourself. Trust is a fickle thing. It’s earned through effort and broken without lifting a finger. Did Jeongguk not know that? Does he not understand that you want what is best for him? Can he really not see that you have always been on his side? 

But how do you bring someone back from the edge when they have decided to take the fall? 

“Missing your best friend?” Kira makes an unwanted appearance as your eyes focus back to reality. She’s got a sly smirk on her face. 

You roll your eyes. “I am sure you got into his head”

“He’s not a plaything. He knows what’s right and wrong for him” she folds her arms across her chest. 

“You got what you wanted. Fuck off now” you bite through clenched teeth as you gather your belongings, ready to leave. You’re almost out of the door when Kira speaks. 

“He knows you like him.” she says in a condescending tone. 

Your steps halt and so does your heart. You turn around. “Just when I thought you couldn’t sink any lower” 

She shrugs. “Your perceptions of me are your problem. Not mine” 

“A snake like you doesn’t deserve him” 

She laughs with a roll of her eyes. “You think you deserve him?” 

Your jaw sets tight as you glare at her. “I do. I deserve him because I’ve been with him through thick and thin. I’ve mended his broken heart, I’ve tended to him when he fell sick, I’ve put my life on hold to help him live his. So fuck yes I deserve him” 

She quietly observes smirk still plastered to her lips like she’s incapable of expressing herself in any other way. But then the smirk falters and sets into a frown. “Y/n please don’t” she reaches for your hands, crushing them between hers on purpose. 

“What?” your nose scrunches in confusion. 

“Jeongguk is your best friend. Don’t leave him because of me” her eyes become glossy, furthering your confusion. “I’ll break up with him” a single tear escapes her eye. 

“Wha-” 

“Kira. Dont.” a firm voice draws your attention. You turn around to find Jeongguk glaring at you. 

With quick strides, he stands between you and Kira and he tugs her hands out of yours. 

“I know you don’t like her but I never thought you would try to go behind my back and try to sabotage my relationship” Jeongguk looks at you with such venom laced eyes it pulls at your heartstrings. 

“What? I didn’t even-” 

“It’s okay kookie” Kira sniffles leaning into his chest. 

You gawk at her, blinking repeatedly at the scene in front of you. 

“Wow” your brows knit together, jaw agape as you look at her completely mortified. “She’s lying” you turn to Jeongguk. His nostrils flare, chest heaving as he stares at you--clearly not believing you, his best fucking friend of two years. He takes the word a girl he’s known for a few months. He doesn’t even need to say anything for you to know what he’s thinking. His eyes say it all, the hatred with which he’s looking at you says it all. 

“You know what Jeongguk, she’s changed you and you can’t even see it” your eyes sting with tears. You have so much to say but you bite your words because Jeongguk can’t see past his feelings. 

“You just can’t see me happy because you like me” his voice cracks, and you can see the shine overcoming his eyes before he turns away. 

Your heart sinks in your chest. It’s not what he’s saying. It’s the accusatory tone of his voice that hurts. “Well, congratulations Jeongguk. You don’t have to feel burdened by it anymore. Have a great fucking life” you bite. 

Kira looks up at you, a smile quivering on her lips. She glances up at Jeongguk who’s looking away to the side and then turns to you as she lets herself smile. She’s won. 

You turn on your heels and walk away from them-- from the pain of it all because there is no point anymore. It’s like someone has driven a stake through your heart. It would have been better if that happened because the alternative is losing your best friend which hurts more than any pain that could be inflicted on you. 

There is a sharp ache that settles in your chest as you walk away. But even as you do there is a tiny sliver of hope that he’ll call out your name and tell you to stay. Bit by bit it breaks as you step further away from him, until you are out of the door. 

But you don’t hear his voice

{23 years of age}

You didn’t think you would ever get over Jeongguk. But Jimin helped you in ways you couldn’t imagine. He never took advantage of your vulnerable state, he never inserted himself in your life when you were at your weakest. He was just there, being your friend when you realized that somehow he had pieced your heart back together without even trying. 

He never tried to get you to move on from Jeongguk. He knew you liked him-- loved him rather. He was there for the drunken nights when all you could manage were sobs because your chest felt tight, and memories of Jeongguk would come rushing back in your inebriated state. Jimin’s silence spoke volumes and even through the haze you could see how much he cared as he would silently place your head on his shoulder and hold you close. 

Since the day Jeongguk let you walk away from his life, Jimin has been there. He’s with you now, holding your hand, squeezing it tight as Jeongguk stands in front of you, puffy-eyed. Jimin slowly laces his fingers with yours, eyes never wavering from Jeongguk. The breath that has been caught in your throat finally releases and relief floods your chest. A slight ache settles deep somewhere, into far depths of your entire being and it begins to radiate until you feel a sharp stabbing sensation in your chest that has you squeezing Jimin’s hand like its your lifeline. 

“Y/n” Jeongguk’s quiet and firm voice reverberates through the air as it reaches you

Pain forgotten, your eyes find purchase on the floor. You can feel your knees beginning to give out, a slight quiver indicating that you won’t be able to stand much longer. You are suddenly steadied on your feet. You look down at your waist to find a hand resting on your side.

“I’ve got you y/n. You just have to be brave” Jimin whispers in your ear. 

You don’t know how to be brave. You thought three years was enough time to prepare yourself, to harden your heart to the fact that Jeon Jeongguk would never be a part of your life again. But maybe you never could move on. Maybe you will never be able to forget Jeongguk. Maybe you will never be strong enough to stand on your feet by yourself in front of him, and perhaps he will always be your greatest weakness. 

But he looks broken. 

As much as you did the day he let go of you without a second of hesitation. You can still remember the look of determination in his eyes, his set jaw, as he had looked away and without even a glance let you walk away from him. 

That should be enough to make all the panic go away. That should give way to anger. But all that serves to do is remind you of how much it hurt to let him go. 

“How have you been?” Jeongguk speaks but this time his voice shakes. 

You shudder. 

“I- I wanted to see you earlier but…” he trails off. 

You just have to be brave- Jimin’s voice rings in your head. 

“Let’s go Jimin” your voice is meek. Your action is anything but. 

Jimin nods and leads you, his hand still holding onto yours tightly as you begin to walk past Jeongguk. It feels slightly nostalgic--walking away from him all over again. 

“Y/n wait” Jeongguk is quick to catch a hold of your wrist just as you are passing by him. 

You’re tugged in both directions as both men hold onto your hands. You’re forced to stop and face Jeongguk. 

“You know you have some nerve Jeongguk” Jimin’s voice is firm as he grits his teeth.

“Stay out of it, Jimin. Please” Jeongguk stares intently at Jimin, but his tone isn’t hostile. 

Jimin rolls his eyes. “It’s making her uncomfortable” Jimin bites back, hardly able to control his anger. It seeps through his words.

Jeongguk’s eyes shift focus to you and it’s clear as day that you are in fact uncomfortable. He notices the pained look in your face, the cloud of wispy breath fogging his view as you inhale sharply. He can see it in the way you’re avoiding him, the way your eyes are dancing around, restless and refusing to settle. 

He lets go and licks his lips. “I am sorry y/n” 

That gets your attention. It’s taken him three years to say that to you. “Sorry?” you scoff, anxiety and inhibition are forgotten as you meet his gaze.

“I know I was a dick to you-”

“You broke my heart Jeongguk. You broke--” you stop to gulp the tight knot down your throat. “You broke my heart to pieces and you didn’t even hesitate. Your ‘sorry’ won’t fix it” 

“I know. So tell me what to do. Tell me how to fix it” 

“You can’t. I won’t make you feel guilty and tell you that you could have done it. I know you were in love. But were you so afraid of my feelings for you that you couldn’t even have listened to me? We could have been friends in the very least. I would have been fine with it” 

There is a pregnant pause. Jeongguk’s eyes flutter to the ground, and he chews on his lip in silence.

“I wouldn’t have been y/n” his gentle voice cuts through

“What?” 

“You’re right. The moment I found out you liked me, I freaked out. I realized something at that moment and it scared me. I didn’t know how to deal with it so I thought the best thing would be for me to let you go. Then I saw Kira crying and I thought you guys got into a fight and it gave me a reason to let you go. Otherwise, I never would have” 

You feel Jimin looking at you through the periphery. You quickly glance at him. Jeongguk lifts his head to meet your gaze. 

“What scared you?” 

“The fact that I liked you. The realization that I had--have-- always liked you scared me. It terrified me because it was too real. I could see it in my head y/n-- being with you. It was easy to imagine but I have been a commitment-phobe my entire life. I just couldn’t bring myself to” 

You gulp hard. Your mouth is dry and in the cold January morning, your hand starts to sweat. You blink profusely at Jeongguk, unable to fathom his words. Jimin squeezes your hand, reassuring you, and reminding you to stay in the moment and not get swept away in the flood of your feelings. It grounds you and enables you to look a Jeongguk without feeling like you will lose your breath at any moment. 

“I am sorry Jeongguk. You’re a little too late” you spare him one moment of a glance before turning on your heels. 

“If you don’t hold me right now, I might just fall apart” his voice squeaks. 

You halt in your steps. You pivot on your heels and face him. He stands with his head hung low, soft muffled sounds escaping his mouth, and you can see a tear fall down his cheek. You quickly look at Jimin. 

“Y/n” he says warningly. 

But you nod your head in reassurance and he loosens his grip on your hand.  

“I’d never let you fall apart Jeongguk. Never” you say quietly as you stand on your toes and wrap your hands behind his shoulders in an embrace. A moment passes as he stands limply in your arms before you feel his hands squeezing around your waist. “I know what it’s like to fall apart and feel alone. I’d never wish that for you” you hug tighter, resting your chin against his shoulder. You can hear the sound of his tears hitting your jacket, and it breaks your heart too. 

A few beats of silence pass while you hold each other. You feel the heaviness that had weighed your heart down for three years melting away. Jeongguk sniffles and steps back, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. 

“So does that mean-” you can see the glimmer of hope in his eyes. 

“No” you say firmly, holding his hands into yours. “No Jeongguk. I won’t be able to this time” you shake your head and just like that the dull look is back in his eyes. “Look at what not being together did to us. Being together would destroy us. The possibility that it could go sideways at any moment would ruin both of us. I told you, I will not let that happen to you” your voice quivers. 

“Y/n…” 

“I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember Jeongguk. I still do and maybe I always will. But we can’t always have what we want, can we?” your lips curl into a faint smile. 

Jeongguk sighs heavily. Tears stream down his cheeks as they do yours. “No, we can’t” he replies, his fingers slipping through your hands. 

“Bye Jeongguk” you stand on your toes as you kiss his cheek, lingering for a moment before pulling away. 

“Bye y/n” he whispers, closing his eyes. He hears your footsteps retreat. He feels the cold breeze of wind caressing his face. He opens his eyes. 

You’re gone. 

And he is alone. 

Let me know your thoughts! Thank you so much for reading this!

Nothing Personal: the Playlist

Link

1. Peace - Taylor Swift

All these people think love's for show But I would die for you in secret

2. Crave You - Flight Facilities ft. Giselle

Why can't you want me like the other boys do? They stare at me while I stare at you Why can't I keep you safe as my own? One moment I have you the next you're gone

3. Allies or Enemies - The Crane Wives

I swear I didn’t mean what I said I swear I didn’t mean it ... All is fair in love and war, but I can’t fight with you anymore This will be the death of me Are we allies or enemies?

4. Lemons - Brye

And I don't wanna encourage your abusive behaviour But I just can't let you win I'm legitimately tired of being walked all over By these insecure babies who think that they're men

5. Even if it’s a Lie - Matt Maltese

You're the girl to push away my doubt But it's too late and we’re too young to know

6. Champagne Problems - Taylor Swift

But you'll find the real thing instead She'll patch up your tapestry that I shredAnd hold your hand while dancing Never leave you standing Crestfallen on the landing

7. Cellophane - FKA Twigs

Didn't I do it for you? Why don't I do it for you? Why won't you do it for me? When all I do is for you?

8. Never Gonna Love Again - Lykke Li

How can we Turn around the heartache Oh I, I'm alone tonight babe And I'm never gonna love again

9. Landfill - Daughter

'Cause this is torturous electricity Between both of us and this is Dangerous 'cause I want you so much But I hate your guts

10. Hoax - Taylor Swift

You have beaten my heart Don't want no other shade of blue But you No other sadness in the world would do

11. I Threw Glass at my Friend’s Eyes and now I’m on Probation - Destroy Boys

You're ruining my life day by day The butterflies you give me are literally making me nauseous This is disgusting, like seriously dude What do you think you're doing?

12. Love Love Love - Of Monsters and Men

Well, maybe I'm a crook for stealing your heart away And maybe I'm a crook for not caring for it Yeah, maybe I'm a bad, bad, bad... bad person Well, baby I know

13. The Hearse - Matt Maeson 

I am the man we both couldn't stand I can't wash off the dirt from my hands What was it like to feel in love? What was it like to feel in love?

14. Greek Tragedy - The Wombats

This method acting might pay our bills But soon enough there'll be a different role to fill I love this feeling But I hate this part

15. Gold Rush - Taylor Swift

I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush Everybody wants you But I don't like a gold rush

16. Space Song - Beach House

What makes this fragile world go round? Were you ever lost? Was she ever found?

17. Boys Don’t Cry - The Cure

I would say I'm sorry If I thought that it would change your mind But I know that this time I have said too much, been too unkind

18. All You Had to do was Stay - Taylor Swift

Here you are now, calling me up, but I don't know what to say I've been picking up the pieces of the mess you made People like you always want back the love they pushed aside But people like me are gone forever when you say goodbye

19. She - Dodie

and I'll be okay Admiring from afar Cause even when she's next to me We could not be more far apart

20. John My Beloved - Sufjan Stevens

So can we pretend sweetly Before the mystery ends? I am a man with a heart that offends With its lonely and greedy demands

21. Dust to Dust - The Civil Wars

Let me in the walls You've built around We can light a match And burn them down

22. Fidelity - Regina Spektor

I never loved nobody fully Always one foot on the ground And by protecting my heart truly I got lost In the sounds I hear in my mind

23. Folding Chair - Regina Spektor

Maybe one day you'll understand I don't want nothing from you but to sweetly hold your hand Till that day, just Please don't be so down

24. Enough for You - Olivia Rodrigo

And maybe I'm just not as interesting As the girls you had before But God, you couldn't have cared less About someone who loved you more

25. Cold Cold Man - Saint Motel

Oh, my love I know, I am a cold cold man ... You're the only one worth seeing The only place worth being The only bed worth sleeping's the one right next to you

26. What are you so Afraid Of - Videoclub

What are you so afraid of? Is it love wasting your time?

27. Love - Daughter

I know you regret it, love You told me so many times But I still wonder Why You left with her And left me behind

28. I Hurt Too - Katie Herzig 

When an ocean sits right between us There is no sign that we'll ever cross You should know now that I feel the loss

29. Renegade - Big Red Machine ft. Taylor Swift

There was nowhere for me to stay, but I stayed anyway And if I would've known how many pieces you had crumbled into I might have let them lay ... You wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody Is it insensitive for me to say "Get your shit together so I can love you?" Is it really your anxiety that stops you from giving me everything? Or do you just not want to? ... You fire off missiles ’cause you hate yourself But do you know you're demolishing me? And then you squeeze my hand as I'm about to leave

30. Happier Than Ever - Billie Eilish

And I don't talk shit about you on the internet Never told anyone anything bad 'Cause that shit's embarrassing, you were my everything And all that you did was make me fuckin' sad

31. Rules - Jayme Dee

You say you know love, but you are just reflecting words you hear No iron in your veins to give you any sense of pain or fear It's just another lie, it's just another calculation And when the power's out, we're just another old sensation

32. Bitter Heart - Memi ft. Staffan Carlen

Suddenly you look like a stranger A face I knew, but I must've forgotten Emotional flicker, you were my everything

---

Oh, I wish that you hadn't pulled the trigger Shot me down with my bitter heart

33. Brush Fire - Sierra Eagleson

How are you, lovely? Reddest rose between all these thorns Morning coffee And a voice to settle all the storms It's kind of funny Hearing you don't need me anymore Just say you love me

34. Sea of Doubts - Azure Ray

A spectator I played my part But nothing could move this heart Until i held the boys hand The little one spoke like a man He showed me death and said This is how you know you're alive

35. First Love/Late Spring - Mitski

So please hurry leave me I can't breathe Please don't say you love me 

36. Deep End - Birdy

Ooh, how do we mend? Ooh, I didn't choose to depend on you It's out of our hands Maybe it will work out in the end I don't know if you mean everything to me And I wonder, can I give you what you need? Don't want to find I've lost it all Too scared to have no one to call So can we just pretend?

37. And the Boys - Angus and Julia Stone

Well, it's been days now And you've changed your mind again All the cracks in the walls Reminds you of things we said And I could tell you That I won't hurt you this time But it's just safer To keep you in this heart of mine

38. Strange - Celeste

I am still me You are still you In the same place Isn't it strange? How people can change From strangers to friends Friends into lovers And strangers again

39. The Cut that Always Bleeds - Conan Gray

To say you loved me all along And kissed the bruises 'til they're gone Bittersweet, 'cause I can't breathe Inside your arms

'Cause if you're gonna leave Better leave, better do it fast Can't live another minute Bleeding from my back 'Cause I don't have another one For you to stab And I don't want to have Another heart attack

---

But even though you're killing me I, I need you like the air I breathe I need, I need you more than me I need you more than anything Please, please

40. James - Maggie Rogers

"Too young, too thoughtless, " I said to myself With idealistic visions all perched on the shelf And I'm still hoping, waiting for you to come home

---

Maybe you're in love or hung up on another And maybe you found a far prettier lover And maybe you'll paint her a picture like you did for me

41. Cry- Cigarettes After Sex

But I need to tell you something My heart just can't be faithful for long I swear I'll only make you cry

Maybe I'd change for you someday But I can't help the way I feel Wish I was good, wish that I could Give you my love now

Tags: @summerdaughter​, @spid3rgwen​, @girlfriday007​, @lmaosupertuff​, @pansexualproblemchild​, @toothhurtyam​, @claudiaatje​, @angstysebfan​, @tyzerman91​, @hawsx3​, @slut-for-buck, @foggyempathfireperson, @etherealghostface​, @bby-aj​, @stolenxkissess​, @joseyrw​

Hold Me | JJk

↳Genre: Angst (literally that’s all this is)

↳Prompt: “If you don’t hold me right now, i might just fall apart”

↳Word count: 5.3k

Warnings: Manipulation and betrayal

Pairing: Jungkook x female reader

↳Synopsis:

Jeongguk lets go of you. But when he comes back into your life for the briefest of moments he’s a little too late.

↳A/N: I am cross-posting this from my other blog! THIS IS NOT PLAGARIZED I’ve been gone for a while from this blog but since I wrote something I thought I should post it here as well. It’s something I wrote weeks ago for a friend. But I hope you guys all like it! 

{18 years of age}

Your heart thumps in your chest as everyone slowly gets picked into the teams. This is why you hated PE. You were usually the last one to be picked because everyone knew of your thorough incapability to play any kind of sports. It was common knowledge within your high school. So when you were forced to choose physical education as an elective to complete the required credits to graduate, you had no choice but to make yourself resilient to the fact that you would always be picked last.

It was worse because right now Jimin and Jeongguk were the captains of the dodgeball teams. As soon as he was chosen the captain of Team A Jimin had immediately looked to you and a sly smile tugged on his lips. You could see the wheels turning in his mind and you knew he was up to something.

So as you stand in the horrible PE attire you hope Jimin chooses you because the alternative will likely end up with you passing out. You can’t be in the same team as Jeon Jeongguk because you have a massive crush on him and every time you see him you feel like you will die. Some people call it being overdramatic but you call it being a teenager with no control over her emotions. You and Gus Isaacs are the only two people left as Jimin picks one of the guys from grade 12 into his team as his second-last pick. Not you, but someone else.

“Y/n”

You hear your name somewhere far in the distance but ignore the call and continue ruminating and chewing on your lip in the process.

“Y/n” you hear your name again, and this time it’s a bit clearer but you still ignore it and think you are probably hallucinating. Until Gus Isaacs elbows your side to bring you back to reality.

You wince in pain and hold onto the spot, giving Gus the evil eye as he motions towards the front. “Jeongguk chose you to be in his team”

You blink stupidly at him as if you can’t comprehend what he’s saying. You can’t. You hear the words ‘Jeongguk chose you to be in his team’ but they don’t connect right in your head. In fact they don’t connect at all so you miss the memo while the whole class gawks at you as you stare blankly at Gus.

“Y/n, do you wanna join the team?” Jeongguk asks firmly and with the usual confidence he carries.

In your repeated blinking state you turn to look ahead only to be subjected to a questioning look by Jeongguk.

Then your vision starts blurring and the last thing you remember is a heavy feeling taking over your limbs and someone shouting your name.

You awaken about an hour later in the school infirmary. You crack open an eye to find a boringly dull white ceiling gracing your view. You open your other eye and lower your gaze to find-

“Jeongguk?”

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

Why the fuck is Jeon Jeongguk here and not Jimin?

“I am fine” you strain as you try to get up. Jeongguk immediately places his hands on your elbows to help you sit up. You’re too wrapped up in your confusion to notice Jeongguk is touching you, otherwise, there would have been a reaction. “Where is Jimin?”

“He had to go to class and well someone needed to be here with you. So, I stayed”

“You don’t even know me” it’s a wonder you’re able to speak at all given that you fainted because of him. But he doesn’t need to know that.

“Are you kidding me?” he scoffs in a non-condescending way. “I have had every class with you since grade 8. Of course, I know you. Plus Jimin never shuts up about you and how great you are”

“You know me?” your eyes widen

He rolls his eyes. “Stop treating me like I am some damn celebrity. Contrary to the popular belief I am not a jerk”

“But you are a celebrity” you mumble under your breath, sheepishly casting your gaze at your lap.

“What?” he squints his eyes at you.

“Nothing. You can go by the way. I am fine” you swing your legs over the bed and plant your feet firmly on the ground. You pull yourself up with effort but a light feeling runs through you and you wobble on your feet and fall back down on the tiny bed.

“Yeah. You’re totally fine” Jeongguk muses sarcastically as he steadies you. “The nurse said you should go home. I’ll take you. Come on”

Your muscles feel tight and you feel the tension in every limb. This is probably what your mom means when she says she’s had an arthritis flare-up. It’s definitely not a fun feeling. You can’t move a muscle as Jeongguk quietly waits for you to say something. This is the most surreal situation you have ever been in. The eighteen-year-old you, crazed by hormones and prone to fantasizing doesn’t know how to deal with it.

“I can go home by myself”

“Sure. If you want faint on the way and then get kidnapped by some random creepy dude. Go ahead. Eighteen-year-old girls are like a hot commodity for those psycho’s” Jeongguk says firmly, clearly trying to scare you into submission.

“What makes you think I won’t get kidnapped if you’re with me?” you question with a slight intention of teasing.

He looks scandalized as his nose scrunches and brows knit together so tightly you never thought it was possible for someone to be that offended. “Excuse me. Have you seen me?”

Yes of course, you have seen him. You’ve memorized his whole fucking face and embedded it so deep into your memory you made sure that even retrograde amnesia couldn’t get rid of it. You have been looking at him from afar for so long, you know every little thing about him.

“Just because you are slightly buff doesn’t mean you can help me”

“Wow” his jaw drops. “I have added weights to my routine so I am way stronger than I used to be. I could protect you”

“Spoken like a true teenage guy living on testosterone” you chuckle.

He rolls his eyes yet again. “So now that I have proven my point, can I take you home?”

“I’ll spare your ego” your lips pull into a grin which he echoes.

He wraps an arm around your waist and you stand firmly on the ground, waiting to feel stable before you begin walking. Jeongguk doesn’t let go eyes resting on your face as he watches you inhale slowly before nodding.

Your skin burns, every limb feels with fiery wrath the effect of his touch. Your mouth dries, throat completely parched. Your hands become clammy as you curl your fists into the sticky palm.

“Are you good?” he asks

You nod. “It’s alright. You can let go”

“And have you fall and then I get blamed for it? No way” he shakes his head, resolute.

You sigh. “Fine then. Walk me home” you say and you won’t lie that even just a little part of you is ecstatic.

“Gladly” he greets you with a grin when you look up at him. “Where is your locker?” he asks as you both step out of the infirmary and into the quiet hall.

“It’s okay. I can text Jimin to bring my stuff later”

“You and Jimin that close?” he sounds resigned about it.

“I thought Jimin talked about me” you question as you walk side by side, Jeongguk guiding you with his hand on the small of your back.

“He says you’re friends. But he never mentioned you were close enough for him to go to your house” Jeongguk explains, his previously cheery voice slightly deflated.

“That’s kinda hard to do when he lives just down the street and he loves my mom’s cooking” you press your lips into a thin smile.

“Ah” he nods in acknowledgement. “Is he just a friend or…” Jeongguk trails, not really needing to go any further because it is self-explanatory.

You reach the west side exit and step out into the cool spring afternoon with the sun shining brightly overhead. “Why are you so interested?” you cock a brow at him.

“No reason” he shrugs. “Just wanted to know if Jimin had a girl” he waves it off casually. “Anyway, so tell me something about yourself”

Your eyes narrow in confusion. “We’re making small talk now?”

“I didn’t mention the weather did I?” Jeongguk chuckles.

“Fine. What do you want to know?”

He pouts, eyes squinting as he looks into the distance. He looks cute when pouts and he does that a lot. It’s creepy that you know this but when you’ve spent a better part of your high school life fantasizing over the guy it becomes second nature after a while.

“Tell me something Jimin doesn’t know” his eyes widen with a hint of excitement.

“Oh, that’s hard because I tell Jimin everything” you pause, trying to rack your brain for something you have never told Jimin.

“There has to be one thing” Jeongguk prompts.

Your lips just out as you try really hard to think.

Then it hits you.

“Don’t tell him but one time when we were younger he thought he lost his favourite toy. But really I took it from him and never told him about it”

“Wow. What a thief” Jeongguk teases with a laugh.

“He still talks about it and it’s so awkward” you shake your head, reminiscing about the time when Jimin has mentioned his missing action figurine.

“Why did you take it?” Jeongguk asks.

“The day before I took it, he went off to play with some of the other kids. I was mad that I had to play alone while he was having fun with them on the roundabout, and the swings and they were running around laughing. I felt abandoned so the next day I took it and pretended like he lost it”

“Remind me not to piss you off” he jokes, his hand which was resting on the small of your back, suddenly thrown over your shoulder.

You look down at his hand as it dangles over your shoulder. It’s awfully intimate for two people who have just met. But you shake your head because you can’t let these thoughts limit you and freeze you up. You’re finally talking to him and you’re having a good conversation. So you can’t jeopardize this because your body automatically reacts to his touch. That can’t be why you shoot yourself in the foot, so you maintain your calm by inhaling deeply and forcing your body to relax.

“Tell me something you’ve never told anyone” you look at him, noticing how he’s chewing on his lips looking into the distance.

He looks down at you with a soft smile. “I’ll tell you. I promise. When the time is right”

“How is that fair?” you pout.

“Wow child” he pinches your nose, wrinkling his own nose in a cute manner. He retracts his hand, letting it fall to his side.

“Fine. It’s not like I’ll die if I don’t know your deepest darkest secret”

It elicits a hearty laugh from him.

{20 years of age}

Jeongguk stands at your door, chewing on his lip as he tries to decide if he’s making the wrong move. But then he remembers he promised he’ll tell you something he hasn’t told anyone. Even if that was two years ago and he’s a little too late in keeping his promise he still needs to tell you. He doesn’t know where it’s going to head, or what exactly he’s going to say because you’re kind of his best friend and he doesn’t want you to feel like he doesn’t care about you.

So with a deep inhale he knocks on the door and waits. He can hear the footsteps nearing and then the door opens to reveal you.

“Who invited you?” you joke, stepping aside and motioning for him to come in.

“I invited myself. I think I can come to my best friend’s house without an invitation. It’s kinda my right” he leans in and presses a kiss to your temple before ridding himself of his shoes and walking down the hall and falling onto the couch.

You follow him with a shake of the head. After two years of being friends and then eventually best friends with him, you’ve made yourself five percent immune to his actions which border between platonic and romantic. You don’t think he realizes it because he always does things like holding your hand out of nowhere or kissing you on the forehead as a goodbye.

You collapse next to him, and like a reflex, he pulls you into him wrapping an arm around your shoulder, fingers stroking the soft flesh. “I ask again you’re here because…”

“I can’t come and see my best friend? I missed you” he presses a soft kiss to your forehead. Your eyes close momentarily as you cherish his touch because this is all you will get. This is as close you will be to being something more to him.

“You can. But you just saw me five hours ago and we hung out. Now you’re here and you’re…” you look up at him and place your index finger in the middle of his forehead. “Now you’re frowning which means you’re stuck”

“I am stuck?” he looks down at you, a soft crinkle in the corner of his eyes.

“I mean something is bothering you” you pull your finger away and rest your hand in your lap.

“How do you always know?” he smiles softly.

Yeah. How do you know?

Is it because you have loved the guy for so long or because you pay very careful attention to him? It’s not like you can tell him so you settle for-

“I just know. Now tell me what’s going on in that big head of yours” you tap his temple with your finger.

“Okay first, I am not big-headed. Secondly, I have something to tell you”

“Are you finally going to keep your promise from two years ago?” you shuffle your head so you can get a look at him. He’s lost in thought, a vacant expression holding his gaze away from you.

“I am kind of dating Kira” he lets out a shaky breath.

You pull yourself away, suddenly feeling cold all over. Your heart pounds against your chest, the rhythm thrumming so loud in your ears they start ringing. You swallow, looking into the eyes of this majestic man in front of you who has slipped from your fingers like sand. There is no hope now. He’s gone.

But worse than that he’s dating Kira. She’s the epitome of a mean girl. Even worse.

“Since when?” you whisper softly, feeling your heart shatter into pieces as each second passes by.

“Four months” he replies, not meeting your gaze. “I was going to tell you but I thought I’d wait until things get serious enough”

If there was ever any hope of recovering from this, it’s gone now. You can imagine yourself moping, and crying in the near future because you couldn’t tell him first how you felt. Maybe if you had given in to bravery instead of your fears you might have been the one dating him.

“Why?” your heartbreak echoes in your words. You don’t know if he can hear it. You’re not even mad that he kept it from you for months. You are so severely hurt you can’t even begin to feel angry about it. It feels hollow inside, like the place where your heart should be is empty. A cold chill runs down your spine as you stare into Jeongguk’s eyes– the ones that always feel like home– but now they feel like a strange abyss.

“Because she’s actually sweet. She’s nice”

You put your feelings aside for a moment because this is bigger than you. Just because you feel like you’re suffocating sitting next to him; just because it feels like the end and just because you feel like you’ll die doesn’t mean you’ll let him ruin himself. She’s wrong for him in ways he can’t see.

“Jeongguk. Listen, I know you think you like her. I know you think she’s nice but she’s not”

“Please y/n” he whispers, reaching for your hand and holding it in his. “Not you. You have to side with me on this”

“I want to. If this was someone else” your throat constricts even thinking about it. You swallow. “I would be completely happy for you. But Kira isn’t what you deserve. You deserve better. You deserve good and she’s not it”

Jeongguk’s hold on your hand slackens. “Just because you can’t see the good in her, doesn’t mean she isn’t”

You stare back at him, the way his jaw sets tightly, the way he’s trying so hard not to be angry at you. “I can’t. I can’t tell you what you want to hear. My job as your best friend is to save you not destroy you”

He pulls his hand away from yours and gets up. “Whatever,” he says. “I don’t need your approval. I just thought I should tell you”

“Jeongguk-”

“Bye y/n” his gaze lingers on you before he walks to the front door and leaves.

You didn’t think your friendship with Jeongguk was so fragile that it would fracture under the weight of his feelings for Kira. But since he’s actually avoiding you, you presumed wrong. He’s not been answering any of your texts or calls. He hasn’t visited you even once in the weeks after he admitted the truth to you.

He’s vanished from your life– like he never existed.

It leaves a hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach to know that he’s just decided not to be a part of your life anymore. You feel hurt, but more than feeling hurt you feel disappointed in yourself. Trust is a fickle thing. It’s earned through effort and broken without lifting a finger. Did Jeongguk not know that? Does he not understand that you want what is best for him? Can he really not see that you have always been on his side?

But how do you bring someone back from the edge when they have decided to take the fall?

“Missing your best friend?” Kira makes an unwanted appearance as your eyes focus back to reality. She’s got a sly smirk on her face.

You roll your eyes. “I am sure you got into his head”

“He’s not a plaything. He knows what’s right and wrong for him” she folds her arms across her chest.

“You got what you wanted. Fuck off now” you bite through clenched teeth as you gather your belongings, ready to leave. You’re almost out of the door when Kira speaks.

“He knows you like him.” she says in a condescending tone.

Your steps halt and so does your heart. You turn around. “Just when I thought you couldn’t sink any lower”

She shrugs. “Your perceptions of me are your problem. Not mine”

“A snake like you doesn’t deserve him”

She laughs with a roll of her eyes. “You think you deserve him?”

Your jaw sets tight as you glare at her. “I do. I deserve him because I’ve been with him through thick and thin. I’ve mended his broken heart, I’ve tended to him when he fell sick, I’ve put my life on hold to help him live his. So fuck yes I deserve him”

She quietly observes smirk still plastered to her lips like she’s incapable of expressing herself in any other way. But then the smirk falters and sets into a frown. “Y/n please don’t” she reaches for your hands, crushing them between hers on purpose.

“What?” your nose scrunches in confusion.

“Jeongguk is your best friend. Don’t leave him because of me” her eyes become glossy, furthering your confusion. “I’ll break up with him” a single tear escapes her eye.

“Wha-”

“Kira. Dont.” a firm voice draws your attention. You turn around to find Jeongguk glaring at you.

With quick strides, he stands between you and Kira and he tugs her hands out of yours.

“I know you don’t like her but I never thought you would try to go behind my back and try to sabotage my relationship” Jeongguk looks at you with such venom laced eyes it pulls at your heartstrings.

“What? I didn’t even-”

“It’s okay kookie” Kira sniffles leaning into his chest.

You gawk at her, blinking repeatedly at the scene in front of you.

“Wow” your brows knit together, jaw agape as you look at her completely mortified. “She’s lying” you turn to Jeongguk. His nostrils flare, chest heaving as he stares at you–clearly not believing you, his best fucking friend of two years. He takes the word a girl he’s known for a few months. He doesn’t even need to say anything for you to know what he’s thinking. His eyes say it all, the hatred with which he’s looking at you says it all.

“You know what Jeongguk, she’s changed you and you can’t even see it” your eyes sting with tears. You have so much to say but you bite your words because Jeongguk can’t see past his feelings.

“You just can’t see me happy because you like me” his voice cracks, and you can see the shine overcoming his eyes before he turns away.

Your heart sinks in your chest. It’s not what he’s saying. It’s the accusatory tone of his voice that hurts. “Well, congratulations Jeongguk. You don’t have to feel burdened by it anymore. Have a great fucking life” you bite.

Kira looks up at you, a smile quivering on her lips. She glances up at Jeongguk who’s looking away to the side and then turns to you as she lets herself smile. She’s won.

You turn on your heels and walk away from them– from the pain of it all because there is no point anymore. It’s like someone has driven a stake through your heart. It would have been better if that happened because the alternative is losing your best friend which hurts more than any pain that could be inflicted on you.

There is a sharp ache that settles in your chest as you walk away. But even as you do there is a tiny sliver of hope that he’ll call out your name and tell you to stay. Bit by bit it breaks as you step further away from him, until you are out of the door.

But you don’t hear his voice

{23 years of age}

You didn’t think you would ever get over Jeongguk. But Jimin helped you in ways you couldn’t imagine. He never took advantage of your vulnerable state, he never inserted himself in your life when you were at your weakest. He was just there, being your friend when you realized that somehow he had pieced your heart back together without even trying.

He never tried to get you to move on from Jeongguk. He knew you liked him– loved him rather. He was there for the drunken nights when all you could manage were sobs because your chest felt tight, and memories of Jeongguk would come rushing back in your inebriated state. Jimin’s silence spoke volumes and even through the haze you could see how much he cared as he would silently place your head on his shoulder and hold you close.

Since the day Jeongguk let you walk away from his life, Jimin has been there. He’s with you now, holding your hand, squeezing it tight as Jeongguk stands in front of you, puffy-eyed. Jimin slowly laces his fingers with yours, eyes never wavering from Jeongguk. The breath that has been caught in your throat finally releases and relief floods your chest. A slight ache settles deep somewhere, into far depths of your entire being and it begins to radiate until you feel a sharp stabbing sensation in your chest that has you squeezing Jimin’s hand like its your lifeline.

“Y/n” Jeongguk’s quiet and firm voice reverberates through the air as it reaches you

Pain forgotten, your eyes find purchase on the floor. You can feel your knees beginning to give out, a slight quiver indicating that you won’t be able to stand much longer. You are suddenly steadied on your feet. You look down at your waist to find a hand resting on your side.

“I’ve got you y/n. You just have to be brave” Jimin whispers in your ear.

You don’t know how to be brave. You thought three years was enough time to prepare yourself, to harden your heart to the fact that Jeon Jeongguk would never be a part of your life again. But maybe you never could move on. Maybe you will never be able to forget Jeongguk. Maybe you will never be strong enough to stand on your feet by yourself in front of him, and perhaps he will always be your greatest weakness.

But he looks broken.

As much as you did the day he let go of you without a second of hesitation. You can still remember the look of determination in his eyes, his set jaw, as he had looked away and without even a glance let you walk away from him.

That should be enough to make all the panic go away. That should give way to anger. But all that serves to do is remind you of how much it hurt to let him go.

“How have you been?” Jeongguk speaks but this time his voice shakes.

You shudder.

“I- I wanted to see you earlier but…” he trails off.

You just have to be brave- Jimin’s voice rings in your head.

“Let’s go Jimin” your voice is meek. Your action is anything but.

Jimin nods and leads you, his hand still holding onto yours tightly as you begin to walk past Jeongguk. It feels slightly nostalgic–walking away from him all over again.

“Y/n wait” Jeongguk is quick to catch a hold of your wrist just as you are passing by him.

You’re tugged in both directions as both men hold onto your hands. You’re forced to stop and face Jeongguk.

“You know you have some nerve Jeongguk” Jimin’s voice is firm as he grits his teeth.

“Stay out of it, Jimin. Please” Jeongguk stares intently at Jimin, but his tone isn’t hostile.

Jimin rolls his eyes. “It’s making her uncomfortable” Jimin bites back, hardly able to control his anger. It seeps through his words.

Jeongguk’s eyes shift focus to you and it’s clear as day that you are in fact uncomfortable. He notices the pained look in your face, the cloud of wispy breath fogging his view as you inhale sharply. He can see it in the way you’re avoiding him, the way your eyes are dancing around, restless and refusing to settle.

He lets go and licks his lips. “I am sorry y/n”

That gets your attention. It’s taken him three years to say that to you. “Sorry?” you scoff, anxiety and inhibition are forgotten as you meet his gaze.

“I know I was a dick to you-”

“You broke my heart Jeongguk. You broke–” you stop to gulp the tight knot down your throat. “You broke my heart to pieces and you didn’t even hesitate. Your ‘sorry’ won’t fix it”

“I know. So tell me what to do. Tell me how to fix it”

“You can’t. I won’t make you feel guilty and tell you that you could have done it. I know you were in love. But were you so afraid of my feelings for you that you couldn’t even have listened to me? We could have been friends in the very least. I would have been fine with it”

There is a pregnant pause. Jeongguk’s eyes flutter to the ground, and he chews on his lip in silence.

“I wouldn’t have been y/n” his gentle voice cuts through

“What?”

“You’re right. The moment I found out you liked me, I freaked out. I realized something at that moment and it scared me. I didn’t know how to deal with it so I thought the best thing would be for me to let you go. Then I saw Kira crying and I thought you guys got into a fight and it gave me a reason to let you go. Otherwise, I never would have”

You feel Jimin looking at you through the periphery. You quickly glance at him. Jeongguk lifts his head to meet your gaze.

“What scared you?”

“The fact that I liked you. The realization that I had–have– always liked you scared me. It terrified me because it was too real. I could see it in my head y/n– being with you. It was easy to imagine but I have been a commitment-phobe my entire life. I just couldn’t bring myself to”

You gulp hard. Your mouth is dry and in the cold January morning, your hand starts to sweat. You blink profusely at Jeongguk, unable to fathom his words. Jimin squeezes your hand, reassuring you, and reminding you to stay in the moment and not get swept away in the flood of your feelings. It grounds you and enables you to look a Jeongguk without feeling like you will lose your breath at any moment.

“I am sorry Jeongguk. You’re a little too late” you spare him one moment of a glance before turning on your heels.

“If you don’t hold me right now, I might just fall apart” his voice squeaks.

You halt in your steps. You pivot on your heels and face him. He stands with his head hung low, soft muffled sounds escaping his mouth, and you can see a tear fall down his cheek. You quickly look at Jimin.

“Y/n” he says warningly.

But you nod your head in reassurance and he loosens his grip on your hand.  

“I’d never let you fall apart Jeongguk. Never” you say quietly as you stand on your toes and wrap your hands behind his shoulders in an embrace. A moment passes as he stands limply in your arms before you feel his hands squeezing around your waist. “I know what it’s like to fall apart and feel alone. I’d never wish that for you” you hug tighter, resting your chin against his shoulder. You can hear the sound of his tears hitting your jacket, and it breaks your heart too.

A few beats of silence pass while you hold each other. You feel the heaviness that had weighed your heart down for three years melting away. Jeongguk sniffles and steps back, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

“So does that mean-” you can see the glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“No” you say firmly, holding his hands into yours. “No Jeongguk. I won’t be able to this time” you shake your head and just like that the dull look is back in his eyes. “Look at what not being together did to us. Being together would destroy us. The possibility that it could go sideways at any moment would ruin both of us. I told you, I will not let that happen to you” your voice quivers.

“Y/n…”

“I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember Jeongguk. I still do and maybe I always will. But we can’t always have what we want, can we?” your lips curl into a faint smile.

Jeongguk sighs heavily. Tears stream down his cheeks as they do yours. “No, we can’t” he replies, his fingers slipping through your hands.

“Bye Jeongguk” you stand on your toes as you kiss his cheek, lingering for a moment before pulling away.

“Bye y/n” he whispers, closing his eyes. He hears your footsteps retreat. He feels the cold breeze of wind caressing his face. He opens his eyes.

You’re gone.

And he is alone.

Let me know your thoughts! Thank you so much for reading this!

Cross My Heart - CH.12

Pairing: Bodyguard!Dean x Reader; Chuck Shurley x Reader

Summary: After opening up a letter, the life as she knows it, changes forever. Her husband hires Dean Winchester to protect her but is Dean really who he said he was? And is her husband really worried about her safety?

Warnings: Flangst

WC: 2347

SERIES MASTERLIST

The next day Dean had moved her to another safe house and they had spent the two days far away from anyone. She didn’t really ask him why, not that it matters to her anymore, anyway. They have everything they need here and they didn’t want to risk going into town and expose her to the public eye. Not when Chuck’s plan comes to an end today.

Dean texted Chuck this morning, telling Chuck their coordinates but it was the one from their second safe house. Not this one. He does have something in mind and even though he hasn’t told her about his plans, she thinks she kind of knows. 

The safe house they’re in now is apparently not really a safe house. Dean said he spent a lot of time here and it’s close by a lake. They took a stroll there once and she liked it. Likes the quiet of it and somehow when she was there, standing by the lake and breathing in the fresh air, it felt like her problems were all gone. 

She doesn’t know what’s going to happen next. Only knows that they don’t want to go back to what they were. There’s no going back. Not after all she’s been through. 

When it’s safe for her to go back, though, she’s determined to find a lawyer and divorce Chuck. She doesn’t even care about the money, it was never about the money. It was about Chuck’s reputation all along and the only loser in this is going to be her. Because she’s sure that Chuck will be able to turn this all around and make out that she’s the one to blame for the divorce. But strangely, she’s ready to take that fall. Maybe because she knows that Dean’ll have her back, no matter what.

Dean has fucked her on every surface of their new cabin, and has made her come more in the last days than she ever did in the marriage with Chuck. But it’s not only about that. It’s also about the way he treats her. He never made her feel uncomfortable, never did pressure her into anything and it makes her wonder if a relationship should be like that? She never knew anything else than what she had with Chuck. 

While Dean’s still in the showers, she decides to cook them breakfast. She hasn’t cooked in a while, though, kind of hopes that it’s going to be edible at all.

She turns the bacon in the pan and jumps up when she feels an arm coming around her waist, before Dean lays his chin on her shoulder.

“Smells good,” Dean whispers, “Could eat you up.” His other hand that’s not around her waist slips beneath her shirt, and she doesn’t wear any panties, which grants Dean a super easy access. 

“Dean,” She chuckles as he kisses along her neck, his scruff tickling her. His other hand palms over her ass, squeezes it lightly. She gasps, letting her head fall back against his broad shoulders, “I’ll burn them.”

He kisses along her cheek, “It’s not my fault you look so fucking delicious,” His hand goes between the crack of ass cheeks, toys with her pussy from the rear, “No underwear, too. How am I supposed to resist you like this?” He dips two fingers in easily, she’s still plenty wet from his teasing in bed this morning, right before he pushed himself up and went to take a shower, leaving her hot and bothered.

Dean’s a total tease. She had learned this the hard way. And apparently, his willpower is stronger than hers.

“Dean, the bacon,” She warns him, doesn’t really want him to stop though. She keens, arches her back, wants more of it. 

He chuckles, his chest rumbles and she can feel the vibrations on her back. Taking his fingers out, Dean licks at them. She turns her head and he grins cockily, “You’re right. That would be a waste of bacon if you’d burn them,” He kisses her forehead and helps her set up the table as if nothing happened. As if she wasn't so close to coming on his fingers. 

They eat in silence and Dean’s kind of absent. She can see that bodyguard Dean’s back. Can see it in the tense of his shoulder. He frowns more and is more lost in his thoughts. 

Y/N offers to do the dishes afterwards, leaving Dean time to do whatever’s on his mind. He starts up the laptop, they still haven’t heard anything from Chuck yet regarding the coordinates Dean sent out. But she also knows that Dean has a plan because he’s typing away at something on his laptop. It seems like he’s chatting to someone. 

After she’s done the dishes, she sits down with him and watches him work on his firearms. He’s cleaning them and checking them up. It looks so easy, Dean calloused fingers working swiftly. She bets he can do it blindly and she blushes when she thinks where his fingers have been moments before. 

“Am I turning you on?” There’s that cocky smirk again and he’s full on looking at her while his hands are still working on his gun.

“No?” She says but she blushes some more, has to squeeze her thighs together to ease the throbbing that she feels between them.

Dean sorts out a laugh, “Liar,” With his next breath he asks, “Can you handle a gun?”

It’s her turn to grin, her lips stretched big on her face.

“Not mine, Christ, Y/N.” He almost rolls his eyes.

“Oh,” She giggles, “Then no.”

“Maybe you should learn how to use one.” 

“Yeah,” She says, “Maybe,” But actually she doesn’t want to. She can barely cook without hurting herself, she doesn’t think having access to a loaded gun will be any good.

Dean looks back to the gun, assembles it quickly before he works on his other one. She doesn’t know why he has so many. 

“You ever killed anyone?” She asks, and then thinks that it’s a really stupid question because he’s an ex-marine and was deployed, and of course he killed at least one other person, he must have. 

His face changes and there’s a growing crease between his eyebrows, “Yeah,” Dean says. It’s almost a whisper, “Yeah, I have.”

“In the war?”

Dean nods, and turns his gaze back to the gun. 

She doesn’t press further, just sits there and watches him. And after a while, Dean starts to talk again.

“I was on a mission, we’re twelve of us. And it was all routine until there was an explosion that blocked our way and they came jumping out from their hiding spots. We were surrounded without an escape.”

Dean takes the cloth and wraps it around his finger, dips it into some kind of grease and starts to clean the gun with it, “More than half of us didn’t get out of there. And I was with Cas.”

“Cas is an ex-marine too?”

He chuckles lightly, “Yeah, doesn’t look like it, though. He had some troubles adjusting when we came back and he’s been battling his inner demon since.”

“You do too.”

“More than you know.” Dean clears his throat, “Cas got stabbed in his thigh on that day. A young guy launched forward and I tackled him to the ground. Everyone was struggling at keeping the enemy at bay and as far away as we could, and I straddled that guy while bullets were still raining on us.”

Dean grips his gun a little tighter, the white of his knuckles showing, “I still remember the look in his eyes. He was maybe barely legal, and while I looked at him, his face turned white. All I could see was the fear in his eyes. He was so fucking terrified and that’s when I thought, he’s a human being too, y’know.”

She nods.

“And then I thought that the last thing he’ll ever see is my face, and that’s no way to die. The last thing you see should be of someone you love and not of someone who’s going to shoot you in the head. I decided to quit right then and there. I don’t want to be at the receiving end, if I can avoid it.”

Dean sniffs a little, tears pool in his eyes and she gets up, walks around the table to stand next to him. She lays her hand on his shoulder until he tilts his head towards her, leans it against her stomach and she cradles his face, strokes his head. 

“But now you’re still working a dangerous job.” She says because it’s true. He could get shot either. 

He lets go of the cloth and his gun, wraps his arms around her waist and stares up at her, his chin resting on her stomach, “Not every bodyguard job is the same. 99% of it it’s just me trying to protect people from crazy fans. There’s nothing really dangerous about it.”

“I’m sorry.” She says, feeling guilty to have dragged him into this. 

“Don’t be,” He turns her around in his grip, makes her sit on his lap sideways and noses at her temple, “Besides, I think after this is done, I’ll quit.”

“You will?” She asks him and he chuckles, kisses her cheek.

“Yeah,” Dean’s voice is low, the bass transfers over to her body, “I met this girl and I think, when this is all over, I’ll ask her out.”

At the mention of a girl her heart drops into her stomach and there’s a momentary numbness but then her lips spread into a small smile upon realization, “Yeah?”

“Yeah, I don’t know if she would say yes, though.”

She turns her head, kisses his nose, “I think she will.”

“You think so?” He raises his eyebrows. 

“I know so.” Her hand comes up, paints along Dean’s face with her thumb. There are so many freckles, and she thinks she’s memorized them all by now.

He replicates her smile, holds her just a little tighter and rests his chin on her shoulder, “I wanna take you out properly. Take you places you wanna go. Wanna walk around, holding your hand. Wanna take you to meet my friends, and I wanna meet yours, if you — ”

Dean gets interrupted by his phone. 

It’s an unknown number to him because he frowns but she knows the number by heart. It’s Meg’s.

“Meg,” She whispers and Dean picks up, putting her friend on speaker.

“YOU FUCKING BASTARD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HER?” Meg’s voice is loud and furious.

“Woah, Meg, calm down, will ya?” Dean’s almost equally loud but maybe because Meg is so loud. She’s sobbing on the other end, too.

“You killed her, didn’t you? I’m on my way to the police station, by the way, don’t even think that you can get away with this!”

“I killed who?” Dean growls.

“Y/N!”

It’s then that Y/N speaks up, “Meg, I’m okay, nothing happened to me. Don’t go to the police!”

“Oh my god. Oh thank god, you’re alive. You’re really okay? Oh my god!”

“I’m really okay,” She gets out from Dean’s lap and stands next to him, one hand on his shoulder to calm him down because she can feel his blood boiling underneath, “What makes you think that I’m not okay?”

Dean’s already typing in her name in google and clicked on the first link that shows up. 

  BREAKING: A SEVERED RING FINGER WITH WEDDING RING SENT TO FAMOUS RECORD MOGUL CHUCK SHURLEY

  The article mentioned that Chuck has identified the finger as hers and there’s a picture of the engagement ring and her wedding band. 

Her jaw drops.

“Y/N? Still there?” Meg asks between sniffs.

“That’s total bullshit!” Y/N cries out, “I haven’t worn my wedding band in ages except I had to play the happy wife.”

Dean’s been awfully quiet. His lips are pressed into a tight line. 

“Why would someone do that?” Meg asks, “And why doesn’t Chuck say that you’re safe with your bodyguard?”

Dean clears his throat, “Because if Chuck says it was me, he’ll be going down himself. He’s not a fucking idiot, unfortunately. He knows that I have all the evidence that I’m hired to keep her safe and he got all the updates on our whereabouts by texts and emails.” 

“But whose finger is it? Ewwww,” Meg sounds disgusted, “And why?”

“Meg,” Dean says, “Does anyone know that you have my number?”

“No,”

“Good, keep it a secret. Don’t go to the police. Play along, be the distraught friend. Don’t reveal to anyone that Y/N’s safe and sound. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?”

Y/N hears Meg squealing on the other end and even Dean has to chuckle at that. 

“Right, Meg, please, please stay away from Chuck until I know what’s going on, okay? If you stay away he won’t be able to bother you to ask if you’ve heard from me.” She tells her friend.

“Of course.” Meg says, “Alright, I need to go back to work then. I’m so glad that you’re okay. I love you.”

“Love you, too. Bye.”

Dean disconnects Meg and they both stare at each other, neither of them know what to think about it.

He pinches at the bridge of his nose, “How did he get the rings?”

“I have them in my jewelry box. I didn’t take them with me. Where do you think he has got the finger from?” 

She places her hand on her stomach, feels nauseous just thinking about it. 

“I guess we’ll know when the finger has been examined. Unless he succeeds in manipulating the test results as well.”

“Dean, what’s going on?” She feels her tears pooling, one of them drips down her cheek. She doesn't even want to cry. 

He stands up and wraps his big arms around her, making her disappear into his chest, “I don’t know. I don’t like it but I got you, alright? We’ll figure it out.”

CH.13

TITLE: Blank Spots [12] PAIRING: (Somewhat pre-established) Arthur Morgan/Fem!Reader, could be seen as an OC. REQUEST: Unprompted. BLURB: After waking up at the base of a steep incline and nearly freezing to death, you stumble upon a group of strangers who swear up and down that they know you. WARNINGS: Some creative license for amnesia, light angst? NOTE: Here’s the twelfth chapter of this. I hope the pacing is alright near the end, I struggled a bit but hopefully it’s good! TAG LIST: @on-my-way-to-erebor / @otherthingstoreid @ireallyhonestlydontcare @elanisha @darlingsdevil @cirillamylove @bunnyreese12 @rollyjogerjones @callmemythicalminx @r4reland

“Well, turns out I was right. We got more places to visit.” 

He hadn’t been gone more than a minute after you had watched him lower himself down onto the ledge, disappearing around the side of it to go find whatever was hidden on the side of it. You still felt shaky on your feet, hands shaking a bit but you were glad that Arthur brought with him a quick distraction. Arthur pulled himself back into the surface of the cliff, holding a worn piece of paper with some jewelry wrapped around his fingers. Letting curiosity try to drown out the tight feeling in your chest, you stepped closer to him as he opened up the map. 

Looking upon the drawing there, the location didn’t stick out to you at all. It appeared to be pointing toward three structures, some sort of water source in the middle. It didn’t appear to be on top of a cliff again, thankfully. 

“I know this place, too,” Arthur remarked after a moment, looking at the drawing again before nodding his head, “Ain’t too far, but it’s still a trek. Probably would have to make a day of it.” 

“How much of this have you explored?” you asked, some amusement sitting in your tone despite that. You knew Arthur was gone from camp a lot, you just assumed it was mostly on jobs for the gang. 

Though, you supposed doing things like this was still working for the gang, considering at least your earnings from this would be going back into their pockets. 

“Not too much,” he replied, shrugging, “Still haven’t been able to see what I make of the new camp.” 

“Still better than me,” you said, stepping back as Arthur tucked the map into his satchel. 

“You wanna go find this second piece?” he asked, causing you to shrug. Noncommittal in nature, but really you were more than willing to keep away from camp for a bit. 

“Sure, it’s not like I have anything pressing to do back there as of yet. Though, if you need to turn back around then I’ll follow. You’re the one with the direction out here anyway, it seems.” 

“I can afford a day for this, I guess,” Arthur replied, shifting to walk back toward the edge you both had climbed up from, “Ain’t got anythin’ pressin’ either. Though, I imagine Dutch’ll find somethin’ soon enough.”

“You still got to get that Micah back to camp?” you asked, causing him to cast you a curious glance. In the moment, you couldn’t help but wonder how much he remembered sharing a couple nights ago after he had leaned into the bottle a bit. 

“Been tryin’ to ignore that for as long as I’m able, but yeah…” he replied around a small sigh, pausing to slip off a small drop. He stopped in walking for a moment, watching as you did the same with a small grunt. Really, you were relieved to be on even ground again, trying to shake off the lingering effects of that memory. 

You accepted that answer from him, deciding not to pry too much into that situation as Arthur pulled himself back up onto his horse. Getting onto your own, you followed after him as you tried to let that odd moment from before slip from your focus. You weren’t too sure if that was confirmation that you had fallen or if that was your anxiety about what happened showing itself again. What about that gunshot, though? You were pretty sure that was in your head. Though, you didn’t have the time to wander down that path or shove it from your mind, it seemed. 

“You okay from what happened up there?” Arthur asked after a few minutes of relatively silent riding, causing you to bite the side of your cheek as you glanced off toward the passing trees for a moment. 

“I just made the mistake of looking down, got scared.” 

“Seemed a little more than just that,” he continued, glancing back toward you over his shoulder somewhat, “Looked like for a moment there you was workin’ up to punch me.” 

Ah, shit. Right. Really, that whole thing felt like you weren’t in control, just acting on the first instinct that crossed your mind. You just felt the hand around your arm and turned around without much thought. 

“...I’m sorry,” you said around a sigh, “I wasn’t really thinking. I remembered myself falling and I just reacted. I was panicking, I guess.” 

“I understand,” Arthur said, waving a hand slightly, “That been happenin’ a lot?”

“Not really, no,” you said, shrugging, “Most of the time things just seem familiar, they usually don’t happen like that. Must have just been the height.” 

You saw Arthur nod his head lightly, seeming to accept the situation at that. Really, you were kind of relieved that he was leaving it be, and really you wanted to move on from it. That embarrassment still burned somewhat in your gut, much as you knew that it shouldn’t. You were just tired of feeling scared and confused about everything, the newness of the situation had been stepping off somewhat. 

Really, with knowing that your remaining family wouldn’t be accepting you back into their lives after that whole debiting business, you figured you would have to step into this life. Again. Though, with the state your memories were in, it might as well have been your first year with them all. Yet, you couldn’t do that and you knew it. Not with what you agreed to do in regards to your relationship with Arthur and memories and feelings that did filter in from somewhere you couldn’t put your finger on most of the time. 

It was what it was. 

You continued on at a steady pace up toward the mountains, the Grizzlies as Arthur had pointed out, heading up toward these springs that he was sure the map was depicting. Considering your unfamiliarity, you would have to take his word for it. Though, you were starting to become more aware as to why Arthur had been quick to point out getting your own horse, considering the work horse you had rode around on for the last while really wasn’t quite fit for the journey. Some guilt sat in your gut over that, making sure to slow down some and not push him too hard unless you had to for the time being. 

By the time you arrived at the springs, the sun was getting a little lower in the sky. It was still warm enough to suggest that it was early evening, but nightfall would be quick to follow. Still, upon riding up into the area, the stone structures on the map were not all that hard to find. Deciding to give your horse a couple moments, you slipped off your horse for a moment to take in the area. 

Much as you wouldn’t be in a hurry to call yourself an adventurer, you couldn’t help but admire the beauty of the scenery. The mountains, the trees. The springs were warm, the water a sharp blue and green as you could feel the warmth coming off the water once you got close enough.

“All I can remember from growing up was the desert. Everything’s a lot more...bright out here,” you commented, almost as an aside to yourself. However, you heard Arthur walk up beside you after presumably getting off his own horse. 

“Yeah…” he muttered in return, causing you to glance toward him a moment. After that hung in the air by itself for a few moments, you assumed he wasn’t going to say much else on that until you heard him continue, a touch of longing in his voice. 

“Really do miss bein’ out west, though. Open country, the heat. Felt...closer to the sky. Less people, less rules…” Arthur let out a small exhale, something close to a bitter chuckle if you could even call it that. “Though, maybe that ain’t all like I’m rememberin’ it.” 

“That sounds a lot nicer than what I remember of it,” you replied, tilting your head as you studied the water in the spring a couple steps off from you. “I remember the relentless heat unless it was raining, dust and sand that would get everywhere. My dad used to complain about it all the time. Though, maybe Tumbleweed isn’t the best example.” 

“It really aint,” he said around a short chuckle, “Would like to get back out there again, but with how far south Dutch has us headed, I ain’t so sure if that’s what I can expect no more.” 

“Maybe he’s just biding his time,” you said with a soft shrug, not too sure what his intentions were yourself. You weren’t in that circle, much as Arthur was. Though, considering his uncertainty, maybe Dutch wasn’t sharing everything with him anyway. 

“Sure.” 

You shifted back, turning to glance over at the rocks you had rode all the way up there for. A good couple hours on horseback, you had some hope that there would be more than just another map and some jewelry. Catching the shift in your attention, Arthur turned around before rummaging around in his satchel for the map again. You moved closer to look at the drawing again, taking a moment to place everything together with the area around you. With a couple of steps backwards, you looked over the rocks for a moment before pointing toward one near the back. 

“Looks like it’s that one.”

“If you’re so sure,” Arthur said, gesturing his head toward it somewhat, “You can do it this time.” 

You gave a soft chuckle and smile at his comment, though you were somewhat grateful at doing something other than just making commentary this whole trip. Much as you had been trying to stop kicking yourself about that cliff, there was that frustration there. So, you walked toward the rock structure in question, moving about it curiously for a moment before you seemed to find an opening. Bending down and sticking your hand in the hole, sure enough you found another map and some bills. 

It wasn’t much--another tease to keep you on the trail. Still, with the jewelry and the money, it would be a good start to getting that debt off your shoulders. At least, once you split it between the two of you. It was only fair. 

“...Think I might know this place, too, but might be a bit too much for this trip,” Arthur muttered, “Looks like it might be near that place Hosea and I tried huntin’ that bear.” 

“Bear?”

“You ain’t heard ‘bout that?” Arthur asked, some amusement in his tone, “Took me out there back at Horseshoe, talkin’ ‘bout some legendary bear. Huge feller. He weren’t wrong, but we didn’t hunt much of anythin’ that trip. Seemed it got the better of him, never seen the old man cower so quick when it came chargin’ at us.”

“Poor Hosea.” 

“Poor me,” Arthur returned around a chuckle, “I were the one havin’ to shoot at the beast for it to take off while he was hidin’ behind some rock. Though, figure I should be the one tellin’ you ‘bout all that before he starts addin’ some twist to that whole thing over a campfire one night.” 

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind so he doesn’t take your glory,” you said around a small chuckle in return. “You think we’ll make it back to camp today?”

“If you’re up to travellin’ through all this in the dark,” Arthur said, turning to glance toward the sky for a moment, “Figure we could set up camp tonight, make it back by afternoon if we leave in the mornin’.” 

“That would probably be easier,” you said with a small shrug. Honestly, the trip was starting to wear on you a bit, in a good way. Much as there was that one hitch earlier. 

“Guess if I get on it right away, I can probably hunt us somethin’ for the night,” Arthur said, accepting that as he turned back toward his horse. 

“I’ll find a spot and get a fire going,” you said, earning a short nod as he removed his bow and you wandered off toward your horse. 

                                                          ***

Nightfall was a lot closer behind than you had been expecting, managing to set up a fire just as the last rays of day started to disappear behind the trees. The air cooled as you managed to build the flames up enough to last for some time, allowing you time to get your horse settled and place your bedroll by the fire. With Arthur gone momentarily, it allowed you to lay back against it, face upturned to the sky. 

You had to admit to some relief at the knowledge that the day was ending, but it was a mixed feeling all the same. Going back to camp, despite it being as safe as it could be, left a strange pit in your stomach. You felt almost lighter out where you were, a set goal in mind that wasn’t washing shirts and refilling basins. Perhaps you needed that while you healed, but…

Hell, you didn’t quite know what else you could do. 

There was also that bit of a memory from earlier that was weighing on you, a part of you wanting to pick it apart. You knew you had done so pretty deeply with the one that resurfaced during Sean’s party, turned it this way and that in your head while trying to figure out if your mind was playing tricks. It had given you enough to know that it was truthful, that it didn’t feel as empty or made up as any other thought you had in trying to continue it. (Which did feel strange sometimes, imaging kissing him and the wandering thoughts on if it would feel different now. A thought that pulled some embarrassment out of you and had been something you pushed out of your head quickly enough.)

You could do the same with the one on the mountain, but...you were scared. You had to admit that to yourself. 

Though, the fact that you were and how overpowering it was seemed to say a lot on its own. 

You let out a small sigh, rubbing your hands over your eyes for a moment before looking back up at the sky. It was darker out, now, and you could make out a few stars. Though, you found your head lifting at the sound of a horse approaching from behind, causing you to sit up. However, you relaxed as you recognized Arthur as he hitched his horse next to yours. 

“Got a rabbit,” he said, pulling said animal from the side of his saddle, “Ain’t much but it’s enough. Should get somethin’ bigger for Pearson on the way back tomorrow, though.” 

“Rabbit sounds fine,” you replied, leaning back again somewhat as Arthur set about preparing the rabbit he had hunted. 

You watched him while he did so, the evening darkness playing with the light from the fire against his face. Arthur usually looked somewhat tired, and you didn’t need to know him for too long to know that he ran himself ragged for the gang. He was sharp edges and rough, he had a bad side to him and you knew that. Even if you hadn’t experienced that first hand, with Arthur’s own words about it and Dutch’s reliance on him as a strong arm, it wasn’t hard to piece together. Though, you figured it was only a matter of time before you witnessed that. 

There was also this other side to him. The patience and openness he showed you about this whole thing, the protectiveness of the people in camp--much as he had his own gripes with a few of them. That loyalty, even with the threat of death, as you saw at the river with those agents a while ago. There was also the man before you now, more relaxed than you had seen him be yet, even with the concentration he was showing in cooking that rabbit. 

Was this what you saw in him before? 

You had no idea. You had no idea what you were like now in comparison to how you were, having to rely on other people’s word for now on that. You could remember that conversation up in the snow. 

‘...I’ve seen you do more than just threaten with that gun…’

“You keep starin’ holes in the side of my head and I’m goin’ to think there’s somethin’ wrong.” 

You blinked, catching Arthur’s gaze out of the corner of his eye before you let out a somewhat awkward chuckle, bowing your head somewhat to study the toes of your boots. 

“It’s nothing, I’m just thinking. Sorry.” 

“Hell of a thought you must be havin’ if my ugly mug ain’t pullin’ you out.” 

“You’re not ugly,” you remarked so easily that it almost surprised you, “and it’s really nothing.” 

Arthur let out a small grunt, something that you weren’t sure on if it was him accepting that or dismissing it. Considering how quick he had been to put himself down, it might have been the latter. Still, you were somewhat grateful that he let the conversation go, offering you the rabbit once it had cooled from over the fire before setting out roasting his own. 

It was plain and unseasoned, but with how little you had ate that day, it was more than enough. 

“Did we used to do stuff like this?” you asked once you had finished eating, some curiosity getting the better of you. 

“Treasure huntin’? No. Could never find the maps. Though...you was a bit of a wanderer, used to be in and out of camp quite a bit. I’m surprised you lasted this long before askin’ to get out.” 

“Well, I guess that explains a bit,” you said around a small chuckle, “I’m kind of dreading going back to camp.” 

Arthur let out a chuckle, one that seemed warm, less sarcastic or humorless like you had heard before. Though, there was a touch of bitterness. 

“Way things are, I don’t blame you.” 

You let out a small chuckle, taking in a breath to say something more but a loud rumble overhead pulled you from that thought. Arthur shifted, glancing toward the sky off to your left before letting out a quiet curse and rising to his feet. 

“I have no idea where that came from,” you muttered, just able to make out the clouds in the gathering darkness. 

“Well, guess I’m usin’ the tent after all,” Arthur said, moving back toward his horse, “Unless you want to take your chances catchin’ your death by sleepin’ in the rain out here.” 

“No...No, I think I like that better,” you muttered. Already almost froze to death once before. 

The tent didn’t take too long to set up, more thunder rumbling overhead as Arthur did so. So much for falling asleep under the stars to a calm night, though you hoped the rain wouldn’t be too much if it did fall. You gathered up your bedroll from the ground once it was set up, Arthur putting his own in first. The tent was small, but enough to fit the both of you for the night without getting soaked by the rain. 

You crawled in first, laying yourself down somewhat as Arthur sat himself down near the opening in the tent. You watched for a few moments as he pulled out that familiar book you saw him writing in from time to time. Not wanting to seem intrusive, you shifted to lay down on your side facing him, focusing on the sounds of the woods around you and the rumbling thunder. You were trying to ignore the bit of a chill that was creeping in and the smell of wet earth. 

Though, Arthur’s small sigh pulled your attention toward him, glancing over as he spoke. 

“Couple nights ago, when I was drinkin’...” he started, “I...I’m sorry I said that. Weren’t right.” 

“I...I mean, that was rough to hear. I can’t lie about that. Though, I forgive you. Not much to forgive, I wasn’t holding that against you.” 

“Still shouldn’t have said anythin’. It was the whiskey, I always end up sayin’ nonsense.” 

Speaking of not saying anything, you could feel the question bubbling up. A part of you knew you shouldn’t have said anything and yet…

“...So you don’t miss me? That was the whiskey?” 

Arthur paused, glancing toward you to meet your gaze for a moment before glancing back down at his journal. “‘Course I do. Might not make sense, you’re right here, but…” 

“No, that makes sense,” you returned around a small sigh. 

“My feelin’s don’t matter in this situation anyway, so--” 

“No, they do,” you interrupted, sitting up as you tried to piece your words together. “You...you might seem like a stranger to me in some aspects, though maybe not so much as before. Yet, I know that’s not the same for you. We’re not two strangers. It...It hurt to hear, but I do want to know things like that. I have no idea where you’re at half the time. Half the time I’m wondering when you’ll give up the chase.” 

You hadn’t expected the words to come out, a part of you immediately wanting to shut your last sentence back behind your teeth. 

“Give up the chase?” 

“...Here I go, saying things I’m regretting…” you muttered, pressing the heels of your palms against your eyes as you let out a heavy sigh through your nose before dropping them to speak, “I feel so complicated when it comes to you. I...feel something. I don’t know what it is. I don’t want to act on it because of that. That’s why I pushed you away, much as I remember us kissing once.” 

“I wouldn’t push you into anythin’, that’s why I’m apologizin’ for that whole mess. I weren’t thinkin’ straight.” 

“I know you won’t,” you replied with a nod, “I just...I know some people would have left and I...if it happened earlier, I probably wouldn’t have felt much. Yet, with what you told me about Mary, I just…” 

“You want me to leave?”

“...No,” you replied, glancing up to meet his gaze as you swallowed thickly, “There’s that something, now. I just...I know it’s hard. You don’t need to apologize for that.” 

“You feel somethin’ for me?”

Shit, was this even coming out right? It was true. It was the only way you could explain why you were still there. Why you felt so conflicted about leaving when you had the chance, perhaps. Why it hurt to think of him leaving you for that ex-fiancee of his. Yet, you knew it wasn’t something you were ready to act on in any way. 

You found yourself nodding anyway. For a few moments, you were nervous on what you should do or say next. However, there was a weight lifted, like you figured out an answer to a question you weren’t sure you wanted to ask yet. 

That feeling only continued when Arthur just nodded his head, glancing down toward the closed journal in his lap. 

“...Kinda relieved to know that,” he said after a moment, letting out a small huff as he glanced toward you, “What I told you about what happened with Mary, I still mean what I said. I’m tryin’ if you’re tryin’, as complicated as the whole thing with Mary is. This too, I suppose.” 

“...Okay,” you said around a sigh, nodding your head, “I wish I could be more sure, but…” 

“I understand,” Arthur said around a small chuckle. 

That put a small smile to your face, causing you to nod again before you shifted back to lay down again. You could still hear the thunder, the rustling of wind through the trees. Though, the light scratching of pencil against paper also added to the space, eventually lulling you into a sleep as the first drops of rain started to hit the ground.