#and when someone tries to tell her abt it she acts like a victim | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

injwecti · 3 months

Text

!! OP CHAP 1110 SPOILERS !! Little rant abt zoro & egghead.

this has been in my mind for a while hold on let me ramble to my audience of 0. Throughout the egghead arc, Zoro has been called a burden 3 times now. THREE. and his reactions are varying. the first I’m pretty sure was Sanji near the start with him & zoro bantering and being childish like they usually are. the 2nd time is when zoro is fighting Lucci. And you can see he’s VISUALLY taken aback. AND WITH THIRD TIME BY SANJI, HE LITERALLY STANDS THERE AND PAUSES. TO GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER.

(There’s 3 points I wanna put out throughout this)

The reaction to it.

the reason I’m so obsessed over this is because roronoa zoro, luffy’s first crewmate, I was always trying to get stronger pre-time skip. not once was he ‘useless’ or a ‘burden’ to the crew during a fight. After alabasta, he’s meditating with 2 huge ass boulders on top of his arms - and talking (or beating himself up) about getting stronger.

and post-time skip, he’s stoic and serious towards the crew to act serious when fighting. We can see this when he tells Luffy off in punk hazard to take his fight with Ceaser more seriously.

But not ONCE. has he ever been a burden to the crew. Sure, he’s gotten worked up after sanji calls him names or insults. But he’s never been a burden. (And idk if sanji’s ever called him a burden pre-egghead!)

His reaction to sanji & lucci calling him a burden is so off-putting.

With lucci, it’s just back talking him to piss him off more and lose his composure during the fight. And this is why zoro doesn’t think much about it. we see a little “!” Bubble on zoro as it pans to him after lucci calls him a burden, but the dialogue doesn’t continue on it.

however, with sanji, he psychically stops for 2 panels. you can see another “!” bubble to see he heard it. with no dialogue, but a sketchy shading over his face.

ESPECIALLY WITH THE “. . .” BUBBLE AROUND HIM.

and he takes a second to fix his composure and defeat (?) lucci.

From this, I’m pretty sure he thinks that he IS A burden, (which he isn’t.) and is letting the crew down.

but wait… that sounds familiar…

DING DING DING!!!

2. The continuing pattern of self-blame & ‘leaving’ the crew.

as we’ve seen from east blue, water 7, and zou/wholecake island, each member that left had blamed theirselves for burdening to crew, or becoming victim to higher powers. (I expand on this later)

the representation of mental health and blame in one piece is so fucking spectacular. As someone who took 6 months off school because of my mental health, and more specifically guilt of being useless, Oda conveys this VERY WELL. each and every character in one piece that has left the crew has explored that feeling of guilt, and worry of essentially feeling an anchor to others.

that they weren’t enough.

or that they got in the way.

or they were going to bring pain and hurt to the crew because of something (or someone) else.

NOW, IM NOT SAYING THAT ZORO WOULD WILLINGLY LEAVE THE CREW. BECAUSE HE WOULDN’T.

not in his dizziest daydream, would he ever leave the crew. Leave luffy.

(Post-Long ring island, he said “now that I think about it, There’d be no point in me being a pirate if not on this ship.

thriller bark, he faced almost guaranteed death to save his crew.)

However, here’s a quick fact.

Almost every ‘human’, (nami, ussop, robin, sanji) in the crew has left/tried to go seperate ways after self blame of higher powers demanded it.

this is almost the full east blue crew, excluding zoro. and they had their reasons for it.

Nami - Arlong pirates and her hometown. (Higher powers)

Usopp - Merry and not being strong. (self-blame) Robin - Ohara and CP9. (Higher powers) Sanji - Vinsmoke Judge and Big Mom. (Higher powers & self-blame)

**they all experience self-blame and being a burden to the crew. These are just the main reasons.** (Nami when she broke down infront of luffy in arlong park, ussop when his suspicions of being useless to the crew were confirmed because he wasn’t strong enough, robin when she was on top of the tower in enies lobby saying that they’ll be hurt if they stay with her, sanji overall.)

which sounds familiar, right?

now let’s do a checklist with zoro.

other than wano and the shimotsuki bloodline, zoro isn’t blood related to any higher powers or organisations. So we can mark off higher powers.

zoro has been called a burden 3 times during this arc, and looks like he’s under a bit of pressure.

zoro currently, of chapter 1110, falls under the self-blame category.

Oda loves to have continuing patterns in one piece. We know this.

(the continuing pattern of liberation, found family, etc.)

what I’m saying here is basically-

leaving the crew is a pattern that has only happened to the ‘humans’ so far, because of higher powers and self blame. Zoro is feeling self blame right now. it wouldn’t be far fetched to assume it could happen to him too!(zoro would also complete the east blue gang all leaving the crew at one point!) and I can back this up with point 3 !

3. Chapter numbers & number coding

If you didn’t know, one piece characters usually have stuff (colours, food, etc.) that coordinates with their character!

for nami, it’s tangerines.

for robin, its books.

etc.

this is done via the SBS question corner, or collective thoughts via the community.

With numbers, it can either be their birthday or just a number that suits them!

Luffy’s number is 56, and his birthday is the 5th of may! (5/6)

see what I’m getting at?

it’s also the same with zoro!

his colour is green, usually based of his hair or haramaki, number is 11, and food is booze.

What I find interesting correlating with the events of egghead, is his number.

His birthday is the 11th of November. (11/11)

His bounty is 1,111,000 beri. (As of the egghead arc.)

and as we know, the chapter we are currently on is 1110. What’s the next chapter?

1111.

which is his number.

I think chapter 1111 is when something happens to zoro!!! (Gasp!!!)

Oda ALSO likes to correlate some chapter numbers when they come back around.

(E.g. for the 1000th chapter of one piece, Oda redid a colour spread that was in chapter 100.

Dorry and Broggy were introduced to us In chapter 116, and pulled up to egghead in chapter 1106.)

SO!!

To summarise this whole thing -

I think that chapter 1111 will feature something happening to zoro that might make him seperate from the crew/leave, that correlates with him being called a burden 3 times this arc.

that’s all from me, if u have some to add or correct please do so!!! 🫶🫶

#one piece #ronoroa zoro #zoro #one piece spoilers #op spoilers #monkey d. luffy #egghead

16 notes · View notes

hyperfixatinglove · 4 months

Note

Happy valentines day, Roe! 💕 For the asks, how about crush and confession with Zeus? 💖

crush — when did your f/o realize their feelings for you? how did they deal with those feelings?

Very early into our relationship so to speak, we were nothing but strangers but he felt already screwed, he fell on the spot. I treated myself on the first meeting fic since I just imagine Zeus to be all or nothing kinda guy. And since I have difficulty to be seen as desirable, why not make someone like Zeus who I imagine to have the most obsessive type of love that rivals Aiden Pearce to absolutely fall head over heels for me?

Zeus did not deal with those feelings. At all. Not well. He ignored them mostly, getting agitated when he daydreamed about me since he knew nothing about me. He tried to ignore them for longer, but it didn't last. Within a month or two, he was trying to find me again. Not that he didn't know where I lived in NY, he felt he was intruding or being creepy if he suddenly shows up in my apartment again. He thought it was more natural and less scary for me if we just suddenly found each other on the streets. It was a game to pass time, since that was all Zeus had. He didn't want to bother Dana too much by being around her all and every day.

When that didn't work he tried to watch me from afar, waiting for me to come out of my apartment. Creepy? Maybe, but it was all he got. He didn't want a mere phone call, he needed, desperately needed to actually see me.

When he finally did he couldn't get any words out. Stood there like frozen statue, staring at me, like my mere existence stunned him. I was just happy to see him so I jugged him & his attempts to cope with his feelings dipped into way worse.

After that he spent all his time with me, unless he was visiting Dana. He feared to be bother but was baffled when I reaffirmed it was nice having him around. He was acting like I had become part of him, like he was sewn into my hip. It was good for him though since he came to know me & I him.

He dealt badly, but it didn't show outside, unless you had keen eye & knew how he normally acted. If Dana was around me she would've been able to tell.

confession — how’d the confession happen, and looking back on it, what are your (and f/o’s) thoughts abt how you both were back then?

The good old classic ''Confessed in middle of a fight in heat of the moment'' scenario.

It was first time I saw Zeus consume someone. Right in my very eyes. A military man, who had recognized him from his rampage in NY months before and because Zeus doesn't change his clothes nor his face even when he easily could.

The sight was rather disturbing. To see Zeus jump on this guy, who had done nothing beyond raising a weapon at him & know who he was, beat him to death with his fists while the poor man screams cause that's all he can do. That was already horrible in itself, but the consuming process is, while quick, it looks incredibly disturbing. There's this mix of black and red similar to fog or liquid that surrounds the victim, while multiply tentacle-like black biomass comes out of Zeus. It only lasts a second, but it creeps me out.

Naturally, after I recovered from the shock of this sight^ I started yelling at Zeus for technically killing innocent man, he hadn't done anything. Zeus just countered by his knowledge of Blackwatch, the in-universe military, how they were always trying to either kill or capture him and how I would also be in danger if he let that man go. I spit he shouldn't use me as excuse for killing, which is when he snapped and backed me against a wall.

The only moment I ever feared him. Wondering what's stopping him to consume me as well. Was I just some amusement to him he'll cast aside, maybe murder me in dark alley for his enjoyment down the line?

Those thought got expelled by him kissing me out of the blue. I couldn't say anything when we departed. He spilled all of it, how ardently he loved me, how possessive and obsessive he was, how he never wanted to be away from me..

We uh had a long makeout session after all of that.

#i hate getting flustered when i try to describe kissing bc THEN I CANT #happy belated valentines sunny ♥#you consume all of me #letters of love

3 notes · View notes

yuukei-yikes · 1 year

Note

Do u think Haruka ever tells the twins he was able to see everything that Konoha did? Or if he ever does confront the dan about his fear that they resent him?

IM VERY CURIOUS TO KNOW WHO U THINK ARE TWINS. THERE ARE NO TWINS. hibiya and hiyori are friends!!! also ermmm well they know konoha was in the loop so if haruka were to mention he saw everything konoha did they'd put 2 and 2 together and the three of them would be like well damn. i think he'd tell them. hibiya and hiyori are important to haruka even if they don't know who he is entirely and haruka would feel like he owes it to konoha's memory to be there for them

hibihiyo fallout in my brain bc these bitches have separation anxiety and and and and Heh if they have a fight... cuz theyre also 12. and cope differently. and hiyori is a very complicated individual.

hiyori would go to haruka. they both kind of feel left out for entering the dan later than everyone and their closest friends in it have their own friends and/or are close to each other. for haruka, ayano has her siblings, and takane and shintaro have *gestures at all my codependent shintaka posts* that whole thing going on with each other and for hiyori, both hibiya and momo are her besties but theyre also super besties with each other and since hiyori is like. NOT opening up to anyone and hibiya has cried his eyes out to momo before, momo feels more urgency at comforting hibiya than hiyori. so hiyori in case of like a total meltdown where she needs to hide but she's in the city and can't think of where to hide she goes to haruka. she tells him not to ask questions and ignore her and she kinda just shuts herself in the room and haruka's outside of it like. erm. hiyori. im leaving u snacks on the other side of the door ok. also harutaka live together slay. takane kicked out of her own room and shes like Who is this sassy lost child and haruka's like Just let her be♥️ i also think takane is why haruka can handle hiyori bc he's used to dealing with the kind of person who doesn't wanna feel or be vulnerable in front of others lol. HIYORI AND HARUKA FRIENDSHIP REAL♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ hiyori after crying the whole afternoon in the room by herself awkwardly having dinner with haruka and takane LMAOOO

ALSO i dont think haruka would ever tell the dan abt feeling like they hate him and prefer konoha but as he slowly bonds with everyone it goes away. maybe he would tell takane but not the whole dan. it would take time but he does get to a point where he's like they are my buddies and im theirs :)))) seto and haruka besties for real i think outside of the quartet he is the one haruka is the closest to. THEY JUST♥️♥️♥️ IDK THEYD BE BEST BUDDIES!!!! kido teaching haruka how to cook and bonding thru it :) kido is very flattered someone is willing to learn from them and likes how calm and actually a good learner haruka is bc its really a pleasure like that. theyve taught their brothers but they didnt seem that interested and momo and mary are disasters. kido tries their best to seem like a good teacher to haruka and acts all cool abt it. mary's hesitant because..clearing eyes but she's rather like im so mad that disgusting snake made u make all those crazy expressions ur face isnt threatening at all♥️ haruka's like damn. RIGHT. THAT HAPPENED. they sit to have tea and cookies together all da time. haruka is a big victim of marys baking abominations bc shes like i made extra for u since u love eating!! and harukas like ohhh boy. kano *holds novel 5* kano and takane best friends so through connection haruka has to tolerate him but he's probably like eugghh at kano's teasing *holds novel 6 when kano disguised as ayano could even get haruka to feel annoyed*. momo and haruka besties. u need to see my vision because momo was in the art club. momo asking haruka for drawing sessions together SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF little art clubs...

hehe. anyway.

#ask tag #headcanons #hibiya amamiya #hiyori asahina #haruka kokonose

9 notes · View notes

audhd-nightwing · 6 months

Text

my thoughts on the fnaf movie as i rewatch it

bro the security guard we see at the start of the fnaf movie is SUCH a fucking loser. like dude you are being SO loud ofc you're gonna get caught. idiot.

real talk- why didn't they have william's fake name be dave (like in the novels)? who tf is steve??

what tf did mike even do to get fired from so many jobs so quickly? i mean like there's definitely some ableism in there cuz mans is Clearly neurodivergent...

matthew lillard is such a good actor, like the expressions he has and how he talks esp when he sees mike's last name? so good, so realistic. mwah. the trailing off, looking up at him, squinting, leaning forward, the awkward non sequitur

josh hutcherson too honestly, they're both so good

mike is such a good brother like actually. he handles it all so well and never yells at abby

poor mike blames himself for smth that happens in like the thirty seconds he isn't looking at garrett bc he went to pick up someones frisbee. and he immediately noticed something was wrong and spotted him like right away. its not even close to being ur fault babe

bro aunt jane really acts as if its weird for abby... to be a kid. like drawing a lot and having imaginary friends is just smth kids do. ur the weird one.

the therapist and mike exchanging looks like "can u believe this bitch?" is so funny to me. also poor doug is Not There someone help this man. is he okay??? jane is like "my Lawyer will take you to court" and mike looks at doug like "this guy? rlly?"

tbh max didn't deserve that :( she was a good person but obviously needed the money yk? but she was good to abby and did geniunely help mike by babysitting her. and like she very clearly doesn't want to hurt abby and mike but doesn't seem to have a choice

i hope after aunt jane dies doug tells everyone that she literally paid ppl to get mike fired and probably a bunch of other illegal shit

vanessa: you've been acting suspicious since the moment i arrived mike: *stressed, sleep deprived, and wary of her bc shes a fuckin cop* oh sorry

vanessa: *literally sees mike lock the doors which are obviously unopened meaning the robbers got in another way and it's not even his fault anyway bc it happened during the day and he only works nights* *still blames mike*

bro if i saw that cupcake open its fucking eyes i would slam the door shut immediately, that guys death is on himself tbh

still upset they cut the line where max asks the freddy kid if he's okay and is like worried about a child being there.

mike: you wouldn't understand (UR RIGHT KING TELL THAT COP)

josh hutcherson is so so so pretty ojh mu dhod

god, mike, you can't just ask if they're dead (ref)

how tf do the kids know exactly what happened to garrett when its implied garrett was the first victim????

mike: *literally tells abby the animatronics might be dangerous just due to the fact that they are. giant metal contraptions. and wants to tell her some 'ground rules'* / vanessa: *completely ignores him talking about abbys fucking safety* / also vanessa: *gets mad abt abby getting hurt and blames mike, even though he literally tried to keep her safe and asked vanessa for help since she Knows stuff (like not to touch bonnie's guitar) and she ignored him*

lol vanessa definitely acts like an afton. i imagine michael would be pretty similar to her personality-wise

do u think mike has a moment of "is that my fucking career counselor?" when he first sees william's face lol

abby: "can we visit them sometime?" girly... the building is structurally unstable. parts of the ceiling literally fell down. ily but no.

1 note · View note

yourmidnightlover · 3 years

Text

rock

Summary - spencer wants to figure out what's wrong with you, only to be reminded what day it is and he remembers why you've been so distant.

TW: talk abt: rape, recovery, therapy, case stuff; mention of: drug addiction, rape, miscarriage, being shot, death lol

WC - 4,283

!DISCLAIMER! - i am in no way trying to romanticize recovery from a traumatic event or being upset/depressed/anxious. this is kinda my way of getting through my own issues, so please don't think that's what i'm trying to do in any way. i also don’t know how i feel abt this ending since i wrote it so long ago but oh well!

i just realized there are a few spoilers so i'll put *asterisks* around them. those parts are just explaining how the reader's always there for the team.

----------------------------------

you had always been the rock in spencer's life.

mentally, at least.

when he had nobody there for him when he was going through his addiction with dilaudid, there you were. you helped him through it when everybody else on the team acted as if they never noticed.

you were the one that encouraged him to get help, and pushed him to follow through. you made sure he ate and talked to someone when he had his urges again, even if it wasn't you.

you let him come over and cry about what had happened, and how unfair his life was. you consoled him and would tell him how nothing was his fault. how he didn't deserve anything bad in his life.

*and when emily 'died', he went to your house every day. you held him as he felt himself falling apart from losing her. you didn't even worry about yourself needing to be consoled, because spencer needed you to be there for him.

*when she came back you were the one to convince him to forgive her. you talked sense into him. you reminded him how much he pleaded to have her back, and then he did. so he managed to forgive her... because of you and your logic.

*and you weren't just there for spencer. while, yes, you made a special effort to be there for him, you were there for everyone on the team.

*when derek was arrested back in chicago and the team found out about his past, you were the one he leaned on for comfort. you and penelope. you let him cry on your shoulder and yell at you about how twisted a man would have to be to do something so cruel to a child.

*when jj was kidnapped and beaten to a miscarriage, you were the first she told. you didn't say anything. you knew there was nothing you could say that would relinquish the pain of losing a child. so you let her cry. you let her hug you for what felt like hours. you let her grief her unborn baby for as long as she needed.

*when penelope was shot, nobody cared to check up on her after the fact except you. you went to her apartment for weeks just to make sure she was okay. eventually, she was able to let loose all of her frustrations on you, and you took it like a champ. she ranted about how she just wanted to be loved by someone attractive and how unfair and cruel the world is, in spite of how much good she tries to bring into it.

*when hotch lost hailey, you took care of his files. you offered to watch henry and let hotch cry to you about losing her a few times once you broke past his tough exterior. you even cried with him and jack. you made them dinner whenever you could, and helped him look for good nannies to help care for jack.

*when rossi lost carolyn, you went to her grave with him on many occasions. you brought him his favorite scotch, which was very pricey, and his favorite cigars, also very pricey, and tried your best to recreate 'the rossi special' upon his directions. it helped him feel in control of something when he needed it.

*and when emily came back from the dead, you helped walk her through her own grief. she lost herself, and buried her emotions. you helped her dig up her old self, and grow into an even better woman. you even took care of her cat when penelope couldn't manage. you helped emily grieve her own death when she wanted to deny it ever happened, and she was forever grateful for you.*

you had become like the team's built-in therapist when something bad happened, and you loved it that way. you loved being the one the team went to when they needed it. it made you feel as though you had a purpose, which was something you desperately needed.

but when you went through your own trauma almost a year ago, you refused help from anyone. you knew you should've asked someone for help, or at least someone to cry or talk to when you needed to.

the team had been working on a case for longer than expected, 8 days now, and everyone was really frustrated. you had released the profile 7 days ago, and there was still no new information. it was as if the unsub had gone dormant, and you all couldn't bear that thought.

when the team released earlier than normal from the precinct and you all went to the hotel you had been staying at, you decided to get a drink from the bar quickly. you went alone, wanting to review a few of the case files during the process and not needing a distraction.

you ordered a jack and coke, and opened the case files to begin rereading them, seeing if you had missed anything.

victims were kept for 24 hours, filmed, raped, restrained, cut in pieces, and thrown in the trash like garbage. it was absolutely disgusting, and the worst you had seen in a while. the victims were low-risk and most of them had a place of authority.

the unsub had been profiled to be someone who was bossed around by a woman, narcissistic and egotistical, wanted to feel more power and authority.

the problem is, that profile was most people living in the area. even penelope couldn't dwindle down the suspects.

and alas, you had missed nothing. nothing new appeared or caught your eye. you gulped down the rest of your drink and paid for it before packing up your things to head upstairs. you tossed the file back into your bag and began the trek to the elevator.

you were interrupted by something hitting the top of your head, rendering you unconscious.

the team had woken up, and after waiting around for half an hour, spencer realized something was wrong. he had morgan bust into your room, only to find the bed unslept in. you were missing. and the worst part... you fit the unsubs type.

spencer felt his heart drop at the realization he had taken you. and it seemed as though there was no trail as to where you had gone. penelope checked the cameras, only to find that they were hacked right after you left the bar, and then they resumed after you were taken.

at least they had a time frame.

later that day, after everyone hasting to figure something, anything out, spencer had gotten an email. he opened it and expected it to be relentless spam, only to realize it was a live feed video. a video of you. he instantly called penelope in hopes that she could trace it.

she said she could, but it would take some time because the amount of routers it had been going through.

while they were waiting, you noticed you were alone. you knew who the unsub was too, thanks to his baffling stupidity and narcissism that lead him to believe he wouldn't get caught.

"officer johnson! it's officer johnson!" you looked around the camera for a second, noticing something moving. "he-he here," you cried out. "i love you," you said to the camera to nobody in particular, but someone in mind.

you were terrified. spencer could see it in your eyes. he could see the tears you tried not to shed. you didn't want to please him, but you couldn't help but feel the absolute horror and fear coursing through your body at a relentless pace.

"hi there, missus fbi," he teased, finally walking into the frame with a ski mask over his face, clearly not aware that we knew his identity.

spencer told garcia who he was, and she began her digging. officer johnson's great grandparents had owned a farm that was since then refurbished. it was an hour away.

officer johnson had known that you two had chemistry. that's why he sent the email to spencer. he saw the longing glares, the 'innocent' touches, the smiles you would give each other, the longing looks you shared. he wanted to torment him.

so when he began undressing you and you turned your face away from the camera in hopes of sparing some of your own dignity, spencer felt his heart breaking for you. it broke even more when he heard the yelps, and screams, and please, and "no!'s" you elicited during the act.

they caught him before he cut you, but not before he finished the first part of his plan. your skirt was ripped, and your shirt was practically in two pieces. spencer had given you his jacket to cover yourself as much as you could.

you stayed silent the ride back. you didn't even let spencer hold you like you normally would after a tough case. you were ashamed. embarrassed. you felt worthless. you felt pathetic. you felt stupid. you felt helpless. you felt like you were drowning. you felt like you were without a life raft.

you knew you could talk to the team about it, but you felt so disgusted by the thought of what happened to you that you only talked about it in your therapy sessions.

hotch had given you two months off. he wanted you to grieve, and go to therapy, and try to cope with everything that had happened.

and you did try to do that. you tried your hardest to get over it and move past it, but nothing helped. not the journaling. not the talking. not the crying. nothing was working.

spencer gave you a little space at first, but he then decided to try to help you as you had helped him. he went over to your house almost every day, and sat outside your door after you wouldn't let him in.

you knew he was there... you sat on the other side.

"i-i know that you probably don't want to see anyone right now. and i'm uh, i'm sure you feel alone right now, or like you can't talk to anyone," spencer sniffled. "but pl-please just uhm, just know that i'm here when you want to talk about it. i'm here to listen to you when you need me to. i-i don't want you to be alone during this time, y/n. please, just let me in," he begged.

that was normally what he would say almost every night he went to your house. he would sit outside for hours after he would ask you to let him in without fail. until one day you let him in.

spencer felt so much relief when you opened the door, only for it to be smashed when he noticed your eyes looked red and puffy, your cheeks were stained with the tears you had been crying for so long. your cheeks were sunken in, and there were dark circles underneath your eyes that were once full of life and happiness. your eyes no longer had that gorgeous sparkle in them.

spencer vowed he would get them back.

as much as spencer wanted to wrap his arms around you in that moment, to comfort you and tell you that he was there, he wanted you to make the first move. he wanted to tell you how strong you were and how proud of you he was for getting through that. he wanted to tell you how much he loved you.

he wanted you to make the first touch, because he didn't want to further upset you. he didn't want to trigger a repressed memory, or bring back the feelings of what had happened.

but spencer's touch was nothing like the officer's. spencer's touch was soft and gentle. spencer's touch was feather-light and endearing. spencer's touch was love and home. the officer's was brittle, and rough, and repulsive.

"hug me?" you sniffled as your eyes welled with tears again as they had been for the past three weeks.

"of course," spencer slowly wrapped his arms around your shoulders as yours found his torso.

he walked inside with you still in his arms and slowly shut the door. without breaking from the hug, you both walked to the couch and sat down.

you didn't say anything. you just needed spencer to keep hugging you, so he did. he did whatever you wanted, needed, from him. eventually, you fell asleep in his embrace on the couch.

when spencer looked down at you, now sleeping against his chest, he couldn't bring his heart to remove himself from you. so like any whipped man would do, he carefully picked you up bridal styled and carried you to your room. he took his shoes off as well as his sweater vest before cuddling back up next to you.

as if it was a reflex, you cuddled up into his chest when he neared you again and got underneath the covers. spencer slept the best he did in months with you. and you slept without officer johnson in your dreams for the first time since that day.

ever since then, spencer had been making sure you were eating and drinking. he took you to your therapy sessions and stayed over most nights you had asked and he was able to.

they had a few cases during the two months, so every moment he could, spencer was with you. he coaxed you back to your normal-ish self. he watched as that glimmer in your eye began to slowly grow brighter everyday. he watched as your smile came back, and your tears didn't come so frequently.

the first time he had heard you laugh again, spencer had thought he was dreaming. he wished he had recorded that moment. he was more grateful than he's ever been in his life that he had an eidetic memory, because that sound would forever be engraved in his brain.

when you returned to work, you clung to spencer. he had become your tether to reality, and hope. he had become your rock during the recovery.

over the months, everyone slowly began to forget what had even happened. things went on as usual, and the team forgot the traumatic experience you had gone through. even spencer might've let the experience get lost in his brain.

so when it became 11 months and 3 weeks since the abduction, you began to distance yourself once again.

you politely declined going out with the team a couple days before the anniversary, something you never did. you insisted that you were just especially worn out from the case you had just been on.

spencer had to finish files given to him by derek anyway, so he didn't get to witness the encounter.

once the day of the anniversary came upon you, you found yourself feeling sick to your stomach. you couldn't help the tears that would fall from your face every so often. you knew why you felt this way, but you wanted to push past it.

you had gone into the office wearing a pantsuit and blazer, wanting to avoid the normal office skirt you happened to be wearing the day it happened. you stayed at your desk and quietly did your case files. you didn't even greet spencer as you would every day. you gave him a kind smile, but you would normally give him a hug, or at the very least an eager wave upon his arrival.

spencer just assumed it was one of those days where you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. it wasn't spencer's fault he thought this. he didn't even look at his calendar to check what day it was. he just knew they had paperwork.

but he did have this day marked in his calendar. he had it marked so he would remember to be extra kind to you, and do your files for you, and come to your place with your favorite wine and takeout. he wanted to help you through the one year anniversary, but he forgot to check his stupid calendar.

you thought he didn't care. you thought the man who you loved, and the man who helped you through everything that had happened had had enough of your complaining and grievances. so, you didn't tell him about it. you didn't bother him with the terrible thoughts clouding your mind because you thought it'd burden him.

so when you finished all of your case files early, you asked hotch if you could leave early, at 2:00, because you had things to tend to. he allowed you to do so, but this rose a flag for spencer.

he saw you exit without saying goodbye to him, something you hadn't done the entirety of knowing him. you had always told everyone to have a nice night and to be safe before leaving, but not today.

finally, he looked at his phone for the first time all day, only to feel like the worst person in the world to realize what day it was. spencer felt absolutely horrible at this revelation and ran into hotch's office as quick as he could after packing his things.

"hotch!" he exclaimed upon opening his office door.

"go. she was practically in tears," hotch informed him. "and reid," spencer stopped in his tracks to turn and look at the stern man, "please make sure she's okay." spencer gave him a soft grin and a nod before turning around and bolting out of the office.

you had gotten home and immediately burst into tears. you shut the door with your back, and slid down it. you had never understood why people had done that in movies until now. you just couldn't wait to break any longer, so you settled for your front door.

you held back no wail, or scream as you cried in front of your door, your knees pulled up to your chest as you held them tightly.

you wondered why you had to go through that. you wanted to know what kind of karma there was for someone who had always tried to do the right thing to be hurt... and for nobody to even care. nobody wanted to console you, or to make sure you were alright.

you had checked up on everyone on every anniversary of their struggles. whether it be a death, abduction, anything, you had been there for every single anniversary or reminder. and nobody was there for you.

nobody was there for you to hug, or to lean on, or to cry to, or to scream at, or to rant to. nobody was there. nobody loved you enough to care about that.

but then you had to remind yourself that they all had lives.

but the person who is your life didn't even care.

spencer didn't care.

and that's why you truly lost it.

he acted like it was just another day. he acted like it wasn't the anniversary of the day you thought you were going to die. the day you wanted to die. the day you felt your most low, and humiliated. the day you lost all hope. and he didn't remember.

if the man with an eidetic memory didn't remember, it must be extremely insignificant. so therefore, you must be extremely insignificant.

spencer raced to your house. he wanted to be there for you today, and he failed. he felt like a failure as a friend. he hated himself for not being there for you when he knew you would need him. he knew how you clung to him in your time of need. you thought he was worthy enough to hold onto when you needed someone, and spencer felt elated at that.

but now he wasn't there for you. and you needed him.

he had quickly stopped by the store and your favorite takeout place to get the things you'd want. he got your wine, chocolate, food, flowers, and a teddy bear that had a sweater vest on him - you've always loved his sweater vests.

when he got to the steps of your house, he felt his heart drop. as he walked closer he heard the wails of your crying right by the door. he could sense the heartache from the edge of your porch, and felt himself feel even worse, which he didn't think was possible.

he instantly ran to the door and knocked profusely. you sniffled one last time, feeling embarrassed that someone had heard you crying your heart out. you had figured one of your neighbors heard you and wanted to tell you to keep it down, so you wiped your tears and the stray mascara from underneath your eyes and opened the door, keeping your eyes lowered in embarrassment.

"y/n," spencer announced sadly, a tear falling down his face. you looked up in confusion from hearing his voice. you noticed his tear and reached up to wipe it away on instinct.

"why're you crying? are you okay?" you asked, forgetting all of your own problems at the sight of spencer crying. spencer let out a small chuckle at your concern.

"i'm alright, aside from the fact that i'm a terrible friend," he admitted as his smile quickly faded upon seeing your stained cheeks. "i brought your favorites," he offered, holding the bag of goodies in one hand and the takeout in another.

"y-you... why?" you asked, wanting to make sure you weren't misreading the situation for him trying to comfort you.

"why?" he asked in disbelief. "because it's the anniversary. i can't tell you how sorry i am, y/n. i swear i marked it on my calendar and planned for us to take off so i could take care of you. i-i just woke up late and never bothered to even check my phone. i kn-know it's no excuse... but i am so, so, so sorry," he rambled out, already tearing up.

you grabbed his arm gently and pulled him inside before you started crying in front of your neighbors. you took the bags from his hands and placed them on your coffee table.

"i thought you just didn't care," you shrugged as you took a seat on the couch, prompting him to sit beside you.

"y/n..." he sighed as he realized how terrible he screwed up. "i will always care about this. i will always care about you. don't ever think differently. i'm just incredibly... dumb sometimes. i can't believe i made you think that," he trailed on. "i will never not care about you, y/n. i swear it. i will always, always care about you. i will always love you," he froze as he realized what he just revealed. your eyes widened, and squinted, and roamed his face, trying to figure out if he meant the words he had just sped out. "i truly do, y/n. i i’m in love with you and i'm so sorry i made it seem otherwise."

it took you a second to absorb everything that he had said.

"you too," you solemnly admitted. "i’m in love with you too. and i could forgive you... for almost forgetting," you gave him a small smile.

"i'm glad you could forgive me. i don't know what i'd do if you didn't," he relished. "you actually love me?" you nodded with a small smile.

"i have for a while," you turned your head to the bags on the table.

"oh! right!" he said, reaching for the gifts. "i got your favorite takeout, your favorite wine, your favorite chocolates, flowers, and..." he trailed on as he revealed each item. "i saw this teddy, and i couldn't resist," he smiled.

you took the bear, taking in its appearance. it had a light blue, navy, and white diamond pattern sweater vest and brown shoes on. it looked like spencer, just teddy bear form. you smiled widely at the sentiment.

"it's you," you grinned as you took it in your arms, hugging it tightly as you saw spencer nodded with a smile mirroring that of your own. "i love it," you chuckled.

"i would understand, the fur is really soft," he relished in the thought.

"i don't think he'd be as good of a cuddler as the real thing, though," you grimaced. "but he'll do for when i don't have you here i guess," you shrugged with a smile.

"i plan on being here as long as you'll let me," he said softly.

"always," you grinned, setting down the teddy bear and trading him for the real spencer reid.

"always," he repeated, taking you in his arms and squeezing you tightly as if you'd float away at any moment. "now let's dig into this food while you talk about your feelings, if you want that is," he said after releasing you from the hug.

"i think i want to," you nodded. "and spence?" he turned from getting the food out of the bag to look at you for a second. "thank you for being my rock through all of this."

"i'll always be your rock, y/n."

@averyhotchner @greenprisca @muffin-cup

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer #spencer x y/n #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid angst

342 notes · View notes

reidslibrarybook · 2 years

Note

hi i just arrived 2 this community what the FUCK is going on jejdhbj k

so, kind of a long story. i'm ready to cut the shit and share syd and i's side of the story. everything can be backed up by receipts from both emily and i. i've held my tongue as she pranced around acting innocent and mouthed us off to other ppl, who've come forward to emily. a very very condensed version (because there are so many other things she's done that i just don't feel like writing) of the story under the cut.

so basically it's a whole journey that i've been on with @reidsacademia @boldlyvoid with someone named alyssa. she literally trauma dumped on me and tried to manipulate me into accepting it by saying 'you're the only person i can trust with this'. it was this whole thing where she'd make me feel bad abt myself and living my life, it was honestly kinda sad that i didn't see the red flags sooner.

there were so many days that i felt so uncomfortable listening to her shit on herself and talk abt her trauma, and it wasn't just me feeling this way either. she's done this to emily and another person here on tumblr who's only 16. it was just an overall horrible experience for me but she made me feel obligated to be there for her when i didn't ask to hear her trauma. she also mentioned some of her trauma on someone's Instagram live which was absolutely uncalled for and the person who was on live ended the whole thing right after.

during this whole thing, syd alyssa and i had been getting closer cuz we were all writing fics and just hanging out when she'd just trauma dump all over us. it was uncomfortable for the both of us so we talked abt it and decided to kinda pull away slowly.

she'd shit on me and syd about going to college and other ppl's writing while simultaneously putting herself down and victimizing herself. we cared, so we comforted her but it just wasn't a healthy environment for either of us.

it was this whole back and forth thing between all three of us and it was so fucking tiring. we were absolutely civil and genuinely tried to be her friend over the course of talking on discord for a week or so. she eventually pulled away and syd and i thought we were in the clear before she started vague posting things about us (writing fics, saying that we gave her anxiety or were the reason why she was depressed).

i checked up on her from time to time by sending her dms because i genuinely cared and so did syd, then she ended up saying that we were neglecting her even though we did absolutely nothing aside from bob our heads to music?

she eventually expressed that she didn't want to be friends anymore to which i accepted and said goodbye by wishing her well. that whole week where she was awol i was so anxious and scared because i genuinely thought she was my friend.

and then emily came around and showed me what she said abt syd and i behind our backs. she had this whole thing where she twisted the story and ran to emily telling them personal information we shared to her thinking that she'd keep it confidential (no hate to emily ofc, they had no idea what was going on and only got alyssa's side of the story). she'd lie abt how we were purposely ignoring her and abt how we hated her when we literally only talked on discord for a couple of days.

emily has receipts detailing what alyssa said behind our backs including writing a murder fic and thinking abt me, thought we were dating just because we got close, and making a ton of shit up abt how we hated her when we absolutely did not. keep in mind, she's been talking behind our backs since we first started talking (around the end of september).

it was very clear that she over-exaggerated every single thing and made up this narrative abt us purposely hurting her. emily admitted that alyssa would do things just to make us feel uncomfortable while trying to put on this facade abt how she was going to change to make us feel like we lost something special.

a while after, syd sent emily one ask after i sent them one a couple days before which sent alyssa over the edge apparently. she ended up leaving her friendship with emily and that was when emily realized that everything that she said was twisted, manipulated to fit her own agenda, and a big lie.

at one point, she made a new account and followed all three of us thinking that she wasn't obvious as fuck. syd put together the dots and we all blocked her straight away.

I've been getting hate anons for a while now, telling me to kill myself and overall just degrading asks. they don't affect me in any way, thankfully, it's just annoying to receive them. i don't know if they're from her but it can't be a coincidence that they started right when we broke things off.

i hope that everything can just be laid to rest with this whole thing. i didn't write this out for no reason, i really just want whoever it is to stop sending me hate anons. i hope this clarifies things for everyone and if you've been getting hate or have been put in an uncomfortable position by anyone at all, please lmk and we can talk. i'm here for you <3

#shit's abt to go down bitches #😌

31 notes · View notes

wordstro · 3 years

Text

omg okay so here are yeosang’s and wooyoung’s more indepth backstories in the hero/villain au because in between working on my wips I’ve been thinking about this universe as a whole a LOT lol. this also includes everyone else's powers (the backstories aren't as in depth yet) as well just a little worldbuilding establishment:

yeosang’s powers are persuasion. he was always a quiet, shy boy who liked to keep to himself. he wasn’t always quiet though, not until the day he activated his powers. when he was 13 years old, he’d been upset about something he didn’t even remember, that’s how insignificant it was, and he screamed and shouted at his parents. his mother sighed, and his father crossed his arms over his chest and said stop being a brat and tell us what happened. ironically, yeosang hated being told what to do. he stomped his foot in anger and shouted, “leave me alone! go away!”

then he turned and stomped up the stairs and slammed the door shut. when he emerged from his room hours later and tiptoed to the kitchen in search of food. the apartment was eerily quiet, the tv still running and the lights still on. he’d gone to sleep peacefully that night, unknowing that his parents would never return.

to this day he did not know where they were.

he’d lashed out a boy prodding at him during gym class, still reeling from his parent’s abandonment. he remembered the boy’s insult. you’re so useless and ugly. no wonder your parents left you, he’d spat. yeosang saw red. he hissed, “go jump off a bridge, asshole.” the boy’s eyes went blank and he turned away. yeosang stared after him in confusion but the bell rang and he was herded back to the school. the next day he learned that the boy jumped off the highway bridge still dressed in his gym uniform.

that’s when yeosang knew what he could do.

he did not speak and kept to himself since then, festering in guilt, always on the look out for his parents. in high school, he met a boy with a big smile on his face and mischief in his eyes. he witnessed one of yeosang’s bouts of anger, when he cornered some bully behind the school where the CCTVs were broken and kids came to smoke and skip class and he told him to forget about his victims and leave them alone, to focus on his grades and family and stop bullying innocent people. he’d owed one of the bully’s victims for her help with keeping him from failing math. jung wooyoung witnessed it all. the boy’s blank eyes and listless nod, yeosang’s test afterwards, everything. before yeosang could persuade wooyoung to forget, wooyoung flicked a finger and blue flames sparked to life at the tip of his fingers.

yeosang suppressed the relief and a sudden onslaught of tears at the sight, the knowledge that he was not alone anymore.

wooyoung used it to light his cigarette and wordlessly offered it to yeosang. yeosang grimaced.

i hate smoking, he’d said. me too, wooyoung replied with a grin, tossing the cigarette to the ground and grinding it with his heel. he swung his arms over yeosang’s shoulder and the rest was history.

yeosang spoke again and wooyoung helped him control his powers and outbursts. yeosang promised he would follow wooyoung to the ends of the earth. and he did, to the hero-villain alliance where he acted as a villain, to the underground meetings, to the coup, to his fights with a team he’d come to love just as strongly as he loved wooyoung. he followed wooyoung through everything and he would do it again and again. still, why did he feel so guilty? why did he feel so much regret?

wooyoung can control fire. his backstory was nothing horrifying. it was kind even compared to the others. he’d simply lost control one day, overwhelmed by emotions as teenagers are, and he burned down his house with his family still in it. he’d left severe burns on his mother and brother, but no one died. when the police came to investigate, his parents covered for him.

his mother reminded him that she loved him and stroked the tears from his face, reminded him that he’d made a mistake and she forgave him for it.

his brother said he forgave him too, but the fear in his eyes remained and wooyoung saw it. he worked to remove it but he saw it. it stayed with him. the fear changed him. not death nor hatred, just the way people looked at him when they found out what he could do, even when he played a hero.

when he and yeosang joined the hero-villain alliance, he’d basked in the kindness in their eyes and though he told himself that he would stop being soft, that he only cared for the people he cared for and that’s it, just his parents who were too old and exhausted and his brother who feared him and yeosang, the team wormed their way into his heart. he loved them. he really did.

they taught him to embrace his softness. they taught him to care. he’d been chosen as a hero by management. but he saw the injustice done to his kind. he despised the fear the public felt towards his villain counterparts, his best friends. it angered him.

because it wasn’t fucking fair. though wooyoung was soft he never agreed with peaceful protests. he believed in fighting and sacrificing for the greater good. peaceful protests rarely changed anything. the ends justified the means. always. so he staged a coup. he had to. for his people. for the world. for the greater good. he betrayed the people he loved most in the world and he would do it over and over again. for the greater good.

jongho’s powers are invulnerability/absolute durability. he has indestructible skin. it’s said he could withstand a nuclear bomb, but no one lets him try it no matter how many times jongho asks. jongho likes danger. it’s the only thing that keeps him entertained and gets him through the numbness he feels every single day. they made him a villain and jongho wondered if they knew that he feigned his optimism. he wondered if they knew how much he despised himself. he wondered if they knew that he used to beat people up just to feel something.

san’s power is intangibility. he can phase through objects by vibrating his molecules to pass through objects. recently he learned to phase his body parts so when someone tries to attack him, they fly straight through him. he tries to learn the science behind it but frankly he doesn’t care. jongho asked once if he could make his molecules turn into a nuclear beam, eyes alight with hope. san would always scold him, but he could see the sincerity in jongho’s eyes. san joined the hero-villain alliance last, plucked from jail for petty theft and given a second chance.

he loved too deeply, and he grew attached too quickly. it was a fatal flaw of his.

so when they betrayed him, yeosang and wooyoung especially, he grew so angry, he was terrified of the force of it. he never knew he could hold so much resentment, but he figures that if he could hold so much love, he could hold just as much hatred too. he fought with a vengeance with anger, but more than anything, with deep, deep hurt.

mingi’s power is light manipulation. he can manipulate light, blind people, create burning heat from it, and even create entire illusions by fracturing light particles. he’d blinded people with his power and he casted an illusion of himself, forever living in his hometown, suffering the consequences of a crime he should have been, and he fled. he’d met yunho on the streets before the hero-villain alliance and they quickly became best friends, brothers even.

hongjoong’s power is dimensional storage. he can store objects and people away for safekeeping. he’s been told that if he trained hard enough, long enough, he could advance his skills. he could manipulate space itself, erase people from existence, create wormholes and paradoxes, warp reality. it would be hard for him.

wooyoung spoke of the possibilities with twinkling eyes.

hongjoong couldn’t admit that his powers terrified him. he still couldn’t bury the guilt of what he did when he couldn’t control his powers. he still didn’t know which dimension he placed his hometown in, whether they were still alive, and it’s nearing twenty years since the accident.

that’s why hongjoong advocated for peace, for treaties and regulations. he hoped for the best in people because that’s all that kept him going. he didn't want to fight. he advocated for his team every single day. he loved them.

that’s why he ignored the signs that wooyoung was up to something until it was too late. every day since then he fought to bring them back, to right his shortcomings.

bonus:

technically this ateez hero/villain au takes place in the same timeline as the astro hero/villain au i have on here on AO3. so the juxtaposition between how fluffy and how much of a fun time astro/the ioi unit/etc are having vs ateez shows how much public opinion of people with powers changed over such a short period of time. especially as super powered people began emerging in droves.

astro’s stories take place when people with superpowers just started emerging. and villains and heroes hated each other but it wasn’t ever as serious as it now is. superheroes were a commodity. no one was extremely afraid of ppl with powers to the point of murder and villains only stole for the paycheck. that’s why they were all best friends. but as the government began to start regulating people with superpowers and ppl began to protest their existence, more government-run academies opened up and all of astro joined the hero-villain alliance as a team. that’s when they joined the biochemical weapons sector. at first it was fine - they didn’t work out on the field often but they hoped with their research they could help their kind and learn more abt themselves. until the experimentation got worse, more invasive, forced. eunwoo was the sole survivor. he lost his shit, but they managed to contain him at a high security facility. when jongho broke him out, eunwoo swore he would avenge them.

#ateez #ateez scenarios #astro #astro scenarios #hero/villain au

35 notes · View notes

thisdreamplace · 3 years

Note

hi, my brother's being a huge dreadful person. clearly judging me for somthn he doesn't know the whole story of, consequently treating me like im the most repulsive person,, his words,, nd has serious judging problems with everyone,, that im SICK of. Worse is hes one of ThOsE pppl who think they're always right and super suuuuper self-entitld. it's exhausting. one of my parents is out of picture which is for the best he wasn't emotionaly there for any of us anyway. and the other never ever takes my side or even calls my brother out on his horriblenes and pettiness. have u ever met someone like that? u know those pppl who'll youll endure wayyy too much shit from, coz u dont wanna stoop to their lvl but they'll provoke u nd then use that one occasion to gaslight and paint u out to be the monster HAHAHA what a JOKE!

its already taken me months to admit this. I thought i was overthinking but yesterday i got real evidence that i had to admit spoke volumes abt how they (wonder duo lmao) view me

I tried to change myself i pretended things weren't as bad or that it wasn't real nd I took some steps despite my pride to be amiable with them... its unbearable. i feel so bad. I don't have any friends i can discuss this personal thing with. i wish i realy didn't exist. Thats how theyre already treating me right? im tryjny to see things frkm their view nd the only conclusion is if i acted like this with someone, itd be because i either want to put them down as i hate them because of my own insecurities that maybe im not aware of, or because im not emotionaly mature nd think what I'm doing is 'not thaaat bad they deserve worse so im being easy on them anyway'

ive always had diff points of views from them. Hugely diff. So yes maybe most of my opinions dont align with their beliefs. idk what to do? im doing my best not to give jn, to accept my emotions nd to sooth myself its tough but i owe it to myself but idk my heart breaks when i confront them or mention lightly abt their ugly treatment they act like "yeah? So? Whats ur problem, you deserve it!" and what if theyre right? the thing is idk if its related? but a few momths back i started getting flashbacks of my past in school when i got similar sometimes subtle-but-noticable 'treatment' from a few. it was a short period of time nd like i said it wasn't until it was over thay i realised it was kinda them punishing me for what i did to them? haha. what i did, as i found out, was being myself nd having acomplished stuff they didn't?! so petty jealousy over smth not in my control. Wth is wrong with ppl? Please tell me why ppl act like this as children, but then why still as adults? nd when these randkm memories pop up, is it coz im feeling smth bad? Or subconsiously thinking of smth bad? or is it my mind trying to tell me smth?

As for my mother, i feel like she knows whats shes doing, i told her many years ago how i was struggling with certain issues but she never outright helped me, basiclly pretended i never confided in her... Like no wonder i got trust issues hahah. Ik shes not dumb, but if she wanted to put her foot down she wouldve. idk how to tell u its hard for me to find reasons to live they're all external anyway. once I came across an article which said that parents do have faves and its usually the kid who usualy resembles THEM more. so that gave me strength knowing i have enuff mind sense to know what can hurt ppl whether they mention it or not. for instanc please help me here, my mother is the sort who talks like: "since that person isnt saying anything, it means they're unbothered by things. Everything's perfect in their life!" "If ur smiling, ur happy! U can't smjle nd be sad. U have smth (mother wants), then u hav no right to complain!" This is victim right? Imagine growing up listening to things like this? And because of this I had a habit of mind-reading ppl in which I expected them to know what i thought, but turns out what I 'read' on their minds was usually not good at all lol. It was victim! Im over that now. Ive become a bit... sensitive after events nd dealing with them alone. i never realised until a few years ago that not all adults are emotionaly mature. Its not their fault maybe their parents didn't teach them either. But it makes me so so SO ANGRY that i never even knew whats normal to me is actually so so unhealthy and not normal? has this hapened to u? As for being in her favor, I no longer WANT to be her 'fave' if that means conditional love nd being an ugly human inside together. U see when its stuff I do or dont do i swear she's after my hide, yelling and screaming. she has had only criticism for my choices in life only because they don't align with what SHE would do, despite our differences. why does it hurt when u think of someone whos supposedly someone who loves u more than anything? is this love? maybe its love nd I don't see it? yesterday i broke down in my room when i admitted this isn't normal. i can't live like this. Its not good. It brings me no relief to think even if i die they'll blame me for it, for not 'ConFiDiNg' in them! What if its me being crazy? and theyre right? besides i think my mothers secretly scared of my brother BY DA WAY HES A YEAR YOUNGER because he judges hard nd can accuse u confidently of shit after all he's had so much practice, nd hes more independent coz he can drive coz he sevretly prepared for nd got his license before i got mine nd back then we only had one car so he used it for uni coz his was 'farther' away than mine nd would come home super late so there was no chance for me to practice. By da way my mother blames me for that one too. Says i should've 'known' he was getting his license nd I wasn't 'serious' abt it.... Right, I was supposed to know he'd go behind my back? 😶

it's been like this and together theyre all chummy nd pretend they're not doing anything 'wronf' but they r. they're both more alike than they'd admit, nd not in good ways. we can't choose our families but I wish we could choose whether we wanna live in this world or not. lets say i change nd yes they reflect that sure that's nice but u know what? im so hurt by them nd ik theyll never ever know the extent to which ive been hurt. why should i dump this under the rug using the assumption law? later when i'll be okay and have my own life without depending on them they'll come to me nd pretend it never happened or if i mention how they treated me ik i just know they'll say things like: "oh it was for ur own good!"

like thisdreamplac i dont want to revise it like it never hapened nd honestly idk if i want their apology even! if ur hurt by someone's behavior, it means u care abt them! Whether its friends or family, so it means im caring for them. despite this i dont hate them enough to cause them hurt or pain back. why? Coz ik too well how it feels. the more this life feels like dreaming, the harder i feel things, more the pain more the fears

😶

hey :)

firstly, i'm sorry that's all happening to you. it's definitely heavy and not easy to deal with, when your pain runs deep and you're reminded of it all the time. it's surely not easy.

i hope that one day you decide to give yourself the freedom you deserve. hopefully one day you realize a life full of misery isn't worth it, and you change within for the better. not for anyone else, but for you. we are allowed to be happy, and we don't have to keep using others as an excuse for why we can't be. but that's a choice we must make on our own.

at the end of the day, whether you want to apply the law or not, you're still the one deeply carrying these burdens. not your family, but you. so you have to decide that you deserve to be free from the burdens, for yourself, because you deserve that lightness. it's not about who is right and who is wrong, but it's about you and taking responsibility for a beautiful tomorrow that doesn't rely on someone else.

i wish i could console you better, but i wouldn't tell you do something that i wouldn't follow myself. but anyway, i hope you do find yourself feeling better 💖

#eiypo

1 note · View note

shipping-isnt-morality · 4 years

Text

On ending friendships with antis/fanfom assholes

So I get a lot of asks abt friendships fracturing in the current fandom, and feeling bad about being unable to just “block and move on” when dealing with people they know. and I have an experience with that that i think might help people feel less alone in it?

So: once upon a time a few years ago I made a new friend in a fandom I was really excited about. We were both writers who were active in the still-small community and who loved each other’s work. In the course of about a week we added each other on skype, started collabing on a fic, started a new edit trend in the fandom, and talked basically daily.

And then she asked me to edit a story, in which a character that I read as an abuser gets together with his victim and they are much happier and sexier together than the main ship.

I tried at first to just say I didn’t like the ship and didn’t think I was the person to edit it, but on pushing admitted that I read him as an abuser in canon and wasn’t comfortable with how dismissive her fic was of his behavior. She took this.......... poorly. Basically said I was accusing her personally of being an abuser, because she related to this character, and that I was trying to manipulate her into only writing the pairing we had in common. I said “no, I just don’t want to beta this fic for you”, and we..... sort of dropped it.

But - and you may have noticed this about me - I can’t leave a topic well enough alone if my life depended on it, and her insistence that I was reading him as an abuser to spite her annoyed me, so I wrote a post breaking down basically everything the character had done so far, how his ex acted and spoke around him, and how those look a lot like abusive behaviors and trauma. And... well, let’s just say just about everyone in the tumblr fandom saw it within the next couple days.

I spent about 12 hours getting positive responses and “I don’t agree but I appreciate the thought you put into this”. And then his stans found me.

I.... don’t think I need to go into how this went? We know the song and dance; I had to shut down my askbox, locked my social media profiles, stopped accepting Skype friend requests, and endured a ton of people telling me that I was A) calling them, personally, abusers or B) was trivializing abuse and was the worst kind of tumblrite or C) should just choke and die already. Sometimes all three, it was a very fun..... 72 hours or so.

Anyways. After the initial backlash, there was a group of about 8-9 people who were still stubbornly going after me and anyone associated with me on every platform they could find. (I would find out later that they made a group chat and all became friends over their hatred of me, which is kind of flattering and kind of fucking obnoxious.) One charmingly implied, after I admitted to being an abuse survivor, that either I was lying or I deserved it. My new friend, who’d been mostly silent through all this, was mutuals with all of them.

I went to her with their behavior, and she said, essentially, “it’s not my business, you said stuff that really hurt them” and I said “I literally wrote meta, it is not my fault that they took it this personally. I’m a real person, this character they’re defending isn’t.” and she.... wasn’t willing to talk to them, or ask them to stop, or even just not share my content with this group (god, remember when tumblr’s blocking features were even worse somehow? Me too). After about a week and a half I decided I had to just block her too and move on with my life, because I was miserable and anxious and wanted to unlock my damn accounts.

It hurt. I guess that’s what I’m getting at. I knew her for maybe 20 days total, and we barely spoke for the last 10, and yet it still hurt, y’know? It can really, really suck, to have people you connect with turn out to be totally willing to hurt you, or leave you out in the cold, because of an opinion about fiction. If I was younger when this happened, I may well have backed down on my opinion to save the friendship. As it was I had to get a LOT of reassurance that I hadn’t done anything wrong and didn’t deserve what happened.

This isn’t something with a grand solution. It sucked, I got hurt, I had to end a friendship for my own health and lean on my other friends while I got over it. If I’d known her for months, or years, I can’t imagine how much worse it would have been. “Block and move on” is ok advice when it’s strangers shouting at you; it is infinitely harder when it’s mutuals, friends, people you trust and like doing this to you. I have nothing but sympathy for people who struggle with leaving friends because those friends are being assholes about fandom opinions. Cutting friends off is hard, of course it’s hard, and it’s a personal decision. Just because it’s technically easier to cut someone off online doesn’t mean it’s emotionally easier. Be kind to yourself about this stuff.

#harassment #fandom wank #suicide baiting mention #‘block and move on’ isnt universal advice

332 notes · View notes

kuroopaisen · 3 years

Text

@kacchand (i couldn't tag your main but i wanted to make sure you saw this fdlkjfdlkj)

hello dear! i’m sorry it took me so long to respond to this dflskjfdlkfdj i decided to answer your ask in a text post so i can link my thoughts to yours more easily! also, i know i'm going to Ramble, so i wanted to be able to keep it under a cut sdlkfjd

Hi rowan!! I've just finished the final chapter of aot and I just wanted to ask your opinion on it!

(SPOILERS THAT DEPICT MY UNDERSTANDING OF THE STORY'S MEANING AHEAD. READ ONLY IF YOU'VE FINISHED THE CHAPTER)

(FR )

(THERE'S STILL TIME TO BACK OUT)

(DO IT NOW. SPOILER ALERT)

I'd also like to ask a follow up question about it, because it seems that I've come to a different concl. from many of my friends and I'm feeling dumb abt how i feel w it.

first of all (and i say this as sincerely as possible, and if i'm coming off as condesending please let me know hh), please don't feel dumb because you've come to a different conclusion :(

we all read media at different levels (i’ve been told it’s ‘not that deep’ before fdljkfsdlkj) and identify different aspects in it, so the fact that you've had a different experience to some of your friends is absolutely not a reflection on your intelligence. and if anyone's making you feel that way, drop their @. i just want to talk :) furthermore, you’re not wrong for responding to something emotionally, especially if it really... makes you uncomfortable, you know?

i'm from the PH & I've put off determining whether i'm comfy w the manga til the last chap,,,, but is it wrong that I can't shake the feeling that it's a justification of japanese expansionism and genocide? ik this manga has always been in the grey area, and that's what I love abt it! It often shows that no choice they make is absolutely good or bad, and does such a good job at showing you how each complex character came to that understanding (role of environment, etc...) but this last chapter felt too positive abt the rumbling? Like it was justified because paradis was able to advance and there wasn't much choice? idk.

that's totally valid! some of the best think pieces on the show i read mentioned that the concern with the narrative is less "is isayama a nazi sympathiser?" (he most likely isn't), but if he's a imperial japan apologist. and...

well, let's just say that my father is british, and when i was trying to say that colonisation was bad, using british india as an example, he said "well, we gave them railroads." it's... it's uncomfortable and gross and i think it encapsulates how countries with imperial pasts tend to talk about them; even if they don't officially endorse it, there's often a lot of talk about how "well colonialism was good for this country, actually--"

and if the manga felt like it was justifying japanese expansionism, then chances are it had elements that very much did point towards that. i've had a lot of trouble grappling with reiner, annie and bertolt, because they've existed in this grey area of 'victim of oppression' and 'war criminal'; and their existence raises the question of "do people who commit war crimes simply do what needs to be done?" and by victimising them it... it plays into the whole nuremberg defense of "i was just following orders". it's making you feel bad for the people committing said war crimes (and similarly with eren, and all the awful things he's done). but i'll get more into this point later dsfkjfd

i haven't read the last chapter yet (and don't worry about spoilers! i've been approaching aot from a very... specific perspective anyway, so i actually don't mind spoilers -- i read a bunch of analyses of the series before i'd even watched it hh), but... i think if it came off as too positive about, you know... an awful thing that happened, then it absolutely makes sense that you'd feel uncomfortable?

the modernisation narrative in general is one that always skeeves me out. it's one japanese imperialists use to justify the invasion of korea (and even those infamous tweets from the one account purported to be isayama talk about how the population of korea boomed under japanese imperial occupation, which... stop.)

it's also commonly invoked in cases of development. certain members of society (usually the poor), just 'had' to die for the good of the future. who gives a damn if they consent to that? they have to.

similarly, the 'we had no choice' narrative. that's... a concerning one that crops up time and again with history apologists, the argument that "oh if x country hadn't done y, then someone else would've!" or that acts of aggression were done as pre-emptive self-defence, which is so... ugh. i just. i just hate it.

It also feels really weird w the ymir and the whole loving fritz thing. i wish we got to see more of her thought process and what conclusion she came to that led her to destroying the power of the titans.

i... hate this so much. i get that abuse is complicated and victims often have multifaceted feelings towards their abusers, but... most people would focus on that in their story? the story would be about that? but instead, it's just... a thing in the history of the world and that's... icky.

also having the genesis of the titans come from a slave girl in love with her captor... there's many levels of ick to it and i highly doubt it was handled with the appropriate level of grace and sensitivity.

honestly, this might be one of the things that pissed me off the most because of how... contradictory her backstory was with That One Chapter (you know, instead of ymir crying because she wants to be free or because she’s been trapped she........ wants to see mikasa kiss eren’s decapitated head? i guess? what the fuck?)

idk...I just think that context is sometimes everything. and i understand that media can portray incorrect things,,,, and that isayama likely didn't intend for it to become a global sensation, but i guess i'm just uncomfortable w the right wing nazis getting a comfort book ahaha.

i totally get that! even if attack on titan is meant to be anti-fascists, the fact of the matter is... a lot of fascists love it. and relate to it. which is... alarming. especially given just how popular aot is worldwide.

it’s hard because before the ending, attack on titan did feel like it was more grey; i remember saying that i wouldn’t know how to feel about it until the ending because the story was either saying “the military is corrupt and war is hell”, or it was saying “the military is corrupt and war is hell, but it is necessary.”

still sorting out my thoughts, but yeah. I think i'm having a hard time understanding what they really accomplished with the rumbling and how they gave eren a sudden lelouch role and a lot of how they made it out to be a happy thing? perhaps I'm too biased to see it fully but to me it gives a "woah. eren was a hero. he saved us from destruction. those people needed to die for us to achieve this temporary peace and new start". i suppose the rumbling gave them a levelled playing ground?

OH MY GOOOOOD okay. i haven't finished code geass. but i really don't like lelouch. i mean... i think i just don't like characters that sacrifice other people for a purported 'greater good' (i could write an Essay about how much i hate erwin smith looking at him is enough to send me into an unhinged rage), but where i'm up to in the anime, i don't like the direction they're going with eren? i mean, i've never liked eren, but... that whole "martyr for the eldians" is just. ew. especially when you see several eldian characters disagree and resist him.

why does this one guy get to make choices for everyone else? because he’s sPeCiAL? fuck off

sorry for not being coherent. maybe i'm basing this too much on feelings ahaha. trust aot to finish it's scandalous run with a scandalous end.

no omg you're being perfectly coherent :( also, if anyone's making you feel bad or stupid for how you experience media, they’re... definitely not as smart as they think they are fdslskjfdlk.

i'm of that mind that, while media consumption is in part an intellectual exercise, it is inherently very emotional; narrative media tries to make us feel as much as it makes us think. that’s what stories are for, you know? intellectual analysis is well and good but what’s the point of a story if it doesn’t make you feel anything?

that's to say, i don't believe there's such thing as basing your opinion too much on feelings :') especially since it's your personal experience with a piece of media; you don't owe anyone 'objectivity' (which is always a farce when it comes to this sort of thing) or 'logical analysis', because nobody's got any right to criticise you for engaging with media the 'wrong way'.

tl;dr I feel like the mood was too celebratory abt the rumbling, and didn't entail enough on the tragedy so much that it felt like a justification for genocide and expansionism. how do you feel abt it's ending and the message it leaves? is isayama responsible to give a morally correct answer to the cycle of hatred? you're not obligated to answer! and sorry for the rambling.

hhh yeah i guess that’s the thing at the end of the day... is isayama responsible for giving a “morally correct” answer? no, but the way the ending plays out is very telling.

like armin thanking eren? mikasa’s e n t i r e character boiling down to being in love with a mass murderer no matter how poorly he’s treated her? and one could argue that kind of ending is supposed to be unsettling, supposed to hint that the cycle will just continue, but...

framing is everything. and it’s framed like a Good, Emotional Thing, Aren’t We So Grateful Eren Did All Those Awful Things

YI think I would've been fine if we got to see more of Eren's or Yif you have a different perspective on how eren is being portrayed please do share! I just felt really yucky watching armin say "thanks for murdering all those people for us" with love,,, I suppose he was trying to make eren feel better. ach maybe I'm just overreacting. idk. im dumb ahaha . i'll send this in anyway cuz I'd love to hear your take!

HHHHHHH i just hate eren and i never got him. i felt bad for him in the beginning, but he's always been too... violent for me. there was a very short period of time in season 2 where i felt bad for him, but otherwise it’s just been... ugh. the main three have always been the weakest part of the series imo, so it’s really not surprising they’re part of the reason the ending was so. bad.

and... well, that one infamous quote pretty much sums up my issue with armin. he's supposed to be the 'intelligent' one, but he's hopelessly devoted to a homicidal maniac with whom he has a very artificial, unbelievable bond with.

at the end of the day, the "thank you for becoming our monster" thing just makes it seem like attack on titan's core message is "war is horrible, but it is necessary." it feels like it's justifying massacre. and while fiction is fiction, and sometimes it's as simple as that, i think something as politically loaded as attack on titan needs to be looked at with a critical lens when discussing what it’s trying to say or what it means.

do i think it makes someone a Bad Person for liking aot or being attached to it in some way? no, because that’s dumb, and what media someone likes =/= their Moral Goodness TM. ofc trends are a thing and certain pieces of media appeal to certain types of people, but it’s a false equivalency that misses the point.

but by that same breath, nobody is wrong or stupid or has Less Valid Opinions just because what they took away from it makes them uncomfortable.

i’m sorry this is So Long i have so many thoughts about this dskljfslkj

but at the end of the day,

levi sexy

#kacchan 💕#rowan rambles #rowan watches attack on titan #attack on titan spoilers #attack on titan tw

2 notes · View notes

somethingoriginal127 · 4 years

Text

I’m gonna be honest and say i don’t understand hating a vampire diaries character without just kinda finding them annoying ... bc how can you say one of them is truly worse than the other

Damon : killed jeremy

Stefan : almost drove elena off the bridge her parents died on literally the most traumatic night of her life (threatened to turn her) (probably just bluffing though)

Caroline : (it’s gonna be mostly season 1 stuff bc she’s the queen of development) made SEVERAL insensitive comments about Elena’s parents death all the time

Elena : complained about Katherine attacking her directly when she turned Caroline even though Caroline was the victim (although Elena was a big chunk of the reason she did it)

Damon : also threatened to turn her in season 1 (also probably bluffing)

Damon : took advantage of caroline

Damon : the whole Enzo, whitmore, fire thing was pretty bad but i also don’t know what else he could’ve done so idk

Stefan : stalked elena like hardcore before befriending her lmao

Damon : kills innocent people .. a lot

Stefan : (for most seasons) puts himself above damon and preaches abt how horrible he is to elena while damon does the opposite and defends stefan to elena

Elena : didn’t notice bonnie was dead over that one summer until she needed her magic (neither did anyone else but that was kind of the point)

Elena : will brush the brothers off and instantly become jealous when they sleep with someone else (i mean me too sis😂)

Elena : romantically involved with Caroline’s abuser (damon)

Caroline : romantically involved with the man (Klaus) who tried to kill her best friend (Elena) more than once and some of her other friends and he also killed her bf at the times mother

Caroline : (going off the Klaus thing) was hypocritical when explaining why Elena can’t be with Damon bc he’s dangerous when she slept with Klaus (unless you think rape is worse than murder idk...)

Elena : slut shames Caroline in a situation Caroline was obviously the victim in and never got the closure she deserved from it :(

Damon: constantly makes matt feel like shit for not dying in that car crash and it isn’t his fault

Damon: won’t allow Elena to make her own descions (if it means protecting her usually)

Stefan : lets Elena make her own choices but it includes the ones that will obviously have her end up dead

idk : the whole jessie thing is complicated Caroline was insensitive to Elena again regarding Damon bc she killed Jessie but i kinda felt like she had to kill Jessie i mean ...Damon’s her bf

Damon : doesn’t want Elena to have the cure because he thinks she’ll fall out of love with him (selfish)

Stefan : wants to find the cure badly on the off chance that human elena = stelena ! (selfish)

Stefan : went on and on about how Damon’s way of teaching Elena to feed was wrong even though it wasn’t and he taught her an effective way to feed without hurting anyone (the reason stefan couldn’t handle feeding was bc he’s a ripper tf did that have to do w elena ??) (seemed selfish like he had to be the one to show her)

Damon : was aware that Elena was NOT aware abt the intimacy of blood sharing annnd had her do it anyway (he seemed to think he was just all out of options though bc she wasn’t keeping anything down and was literally starving) but i digress

Stefan : didn’t have to kill Vicki

Damon : didn’t have to turn Vicki

Elena : constantly makes passes for Damon’s terrible behavior

Stefan : forced Damon to turn

Matt : is always talking abt how much he hates vampires ok buddy we know

Damon : literally tortures katherine while she was dying, like she was awful to you yes but give the bitch a break as Stefan said “she deserves peace”

Katherine : jumps into Elena’s body and just starts screwing up her entire life (Katherine obviously did a million more things but she’s supposed to be a villain so)

Stefan : doesn’t really admit his faults often has this “holier than thou” attitude (like as opposed to damon who is self aware he sucks)

Damon : killing Alaric ... several times 😂

Stefan : spilled the beans abt Katherine being a vampire to his father which started the whole mess

Stefan : hypocrisy (going back to the freaking out on damon for impulsively and forcefully feeding elena blood when he does the exact same thing later on)

Elena : (i was gonna put using Bonnie for her magic but i can rlly only think of 3 times she’s actually done it herself the rest was stefan and damon doing it to save her which she rlly had nothing to do with tbh)

Elena : that time she makes Jeremy kill Kol and kills an entire sire line of innocent vampires

Elena : not apologizing for her actions whenever her humanity was off (it wasn’t her fault at the time but afterwardsss yes ma’am it is)

Elena : leading on the salvatores (i kinda felt for her though she truly didn’t want to hurt either, can’t rlly help who you fall in and out of love with)

Damon : using Andie the same way he did Caroline although (not saying it was right) he seemed to rlly care abt her

Stefan : killing Andie :(

Caroline : accuses Damon of taking advantage of Elena which is impossible because he didn’t know about the sire bond and refused to touch Elena when he did find out (however Caroline was also just speaking off of what she should’ve been told when Damon did in fact take advantage of her in season 1) but still

Damon and Stefan : sure Elena was doing them wrong but did they both rlly have to sleep with the girls that tried to murder elena lmaoo

Bonnie : she’s just a lil judgy but is always saving everyone’s ass so...

Stefan : not telling Elena about Katherine

Stefan : didn’t he like murder all the founding families or something ( fact check me idk wtf i’m talking abt here haha)

Tyler : i think he almost raped Vicki

Damon : threatening to kill Matt if Jeremy didn’t let him out to see Elena

Damon : did not have to kill Stefan’s bestie even though it did help the council trust them :(

A lot of people : got pissed at Damon when he punched Kol at the michaelson ball but didn’t say a word abt the fact that he saved Matt’s life when he did that?? idk that just confused me Stefan literally just asked him if he was crazy

Elena : telling poor baby Damon his love for her was a problem :(

Elena : Breaking poor baby Stefan’s heart :(

Bonnie : was so cold to poor, scared, Caroline when she turned :(

Caroline : (before development) purposely putting herself in competition with Elena all the time

Stefan : he’s a ripper just as much of a serial killer as Damon

Everyone : says Elena wants everyone to save her all the time but like pretty sure she would’ve died for all her friends but THE SALVATORES WOULDNT LET HER ever it was not her fault lol

Elena : remember that one time she didn’t have to kill Rebekah (well dagger)

Caroline : telling Stefan abt Damon and Elena having sex (he deserved to know but she said she would keep it a secret)

everyone : using bonnie whenever it’s convient for them

Caroline : was really awful to her mom (improves later)

Caroline : forcing Stefan to turn off his humanity (then again her humanity was off)

Stefan : he didn’t rlly have to kill dad but like i kinda get it blood lust and all lmao

Everyone : hates on Elena for not knowing Bonnie was dead but nobody knew when Katherine was passengered inside Elena for freaking weeks

from : someone who likes pretty much every character, and someone who like pretty much every ship, i don’t get how can y’all hate ANY of them without it being basic annoyance none of them are worse than the other, life works different when your entire entire life is on the line 24/7. you can say you hate one for *insert evil act here* and you can pull up 30 more for every other character. you guys are lame and loooove to hate :) as for ships Stelena and Delena are BOTH toxic “Vampires are a toxic species” - the wise Stefan Salvatore BUT ships like matt and elena would be boring as hell considering the universe we’re in meaning the toxic friendships and ships aren’t rlly all that toxic considering their environment you guys forget they’re not us. they’re not human.

#tvd #delena #damon salvatore #the vampire diaries #vampire diaries #anti elena gilbert #anti damon salvatore #anti stefan salvatore #anti delena #anti stelena #caroline forbes #bonnie bennett #matt donovan

67 notes · View notes

movedkagen · 4 years

Text

REI TODOROKI STUDY / MASTERPOST .

This is mostly ripped from discord so if it’s choppy that’s why ---

TRIGGER WARNINGS : MISOGYNY, DOMESTIC ABUSE, CHILD ABUSE, CHILDBIRTH, CHILD LOSS, GENDER DYSPHORIA.

Rei never necessarily dreamed of being a mother. She had a dream, once. She painted and has a profound natural talent for art, but her family was conservative and never entertained her getting a job. Girls like her were only good for getting married. The most rebellious thing she ever did was anonymously release a few paintings while she was engaged.

Painting continued to be a coping mechanism when she was in the mental hospital, though they were much darker --- her paintings in there were very gruesome depictions of ... typically feminine things --- pregnancy, childbirth, housewife duties. She just painted them as very painful and bloody because that's how they felt to her and that's how she emotionally processed how she sees her own value as a woman. Obviously this isn’t too relevant in the grander scheme of things but I’m just providing some insight into Rei as a painter.

Now before I start, I obviously don't write Rei as Black but i think about how in Black and poc cultures women are blamed for their abusive and shitty husbands. If he hit them its because THEY made him mad, and if he cheated it's because THEY couldn't keep him/make him happy. And i write rei with those burdens. i say this bc i remember rei being on the phone like "i can't take it anymore i can't be around him i'm scared" right before she hurt shouto and i'm like ... if she did that then she must have called her mother before. and like her mother obviously didn't tell her to leave so i hc her mother was always like "be a good wife and smooth things over, keep ur man happy, if ur household falls apart thats on u"

Rei struggled the most with Touya and fuyumi. She never hurt them or anything but she had weird behaviors around them...And her biggest crime w them was the "weak constitution" she had. With Touya she was still trying to make it work with endeavor so she kept excusing his abuse because she was trying to keep things smooth... like stupid shit like "don't make ur father upset" and "u know he has a temper". not intentional but honestly just how she was raised and she thought she was doing the right thing by avoiding conflict and keeping enji happy. She tried to protect him but honestly she didn’t resent Enji as much as she did later, with Shouto.

With fuyumi....It’s more a personal hc but I told inad that like. Rei never wanted a daughter due to how she was raised. her family was very sexist and oppressive. She cried when fuyumi was born. she did NOT want a daughter and did not want fuyumi to be like her, a woman she perceived as weak. Because my rei KNOWS she’s weak. Her quirk may have been strong but her "constitution" emotionally was frail. But fuyumi is a child and doesn’t understand why her mom gets upset when she tries to help in the kitchen and Rei tells her to stop.

Touya has every right to resent Rei --- unfortunately though, Abuse is usually a cycle… I hced Rei dealt with a lot of mental and emotional abuse from her parents, her mother especially. that's how rei's family was. and in my hc quirk marriage is just a revamped arranged marriage. like quirk marriages in and of themselves are not evil like it's just. a cultural practice basically. but rei's family w endeavor........... her abuse was most prominently her own mother, They were VERY conservative, Very “the woman should serve the man” type people. endeavor was looking for someone with the right quirk so like. It’s reasonable to think that rei’s quirk had potential to be as strong as endeavor’s, just with ice. Yet she NEVER became a pro-hero? I think it’s because her parents never even considered it. Her taking an active duty job would have been disgraceful.

And culturally, most arranged marriages are agreements. i don't think Enji stomped in and kidnapped rei. There was an agreement. He was young, too. Like. Rei probably got married at like 18-19...he was no. 2 by 20. He was so driven to be no. 1. He is 46 now, and fuyumi is 23. like he's been grinding his whole career.

So if touya’s older, they had him basically right when they got married. The kids are all about four years apart so it’s probable that he basically had a kid, waited for the quirk to manifest, and then would have another...and fuyumi is the ONLY one who doesn't have that 4 yr age gap. she's closer to touya's age than the other gaps. SO I hc Touya And fuyumi r closer in age like that Bc Touya was supposed to be the Child who Succeeded. his fire quirk WAS strong. and therefore fuyumi was actually just. a planned child. because at that time their marriage wasn't complete shit it was like. something rei was optimistic abt.

for anyone who’s seen game of thrones, there's one scene where sb accuses cersei of hating the king and she talks almost wistfully about how she was so excited to marry him bc of how strong and famous he was and she was so nervous on her wedding night but then stannis stumbled in drunk and came in 2 minutes and said another woman's name and she quickly became disillusioned by the idea of her whole marriage. I compare Rei’s view on her marriage to that scene.

she agreed to marry endeavor and he was a desirable bachelor @ that point. she was excited to try and get to know him and "be a good wife" to him but. his focus on work was always first. and rei, raised how she was and trying to make things work how she was, did her best to maintain what she thought a good home was for HIM. to keep HIM happy. i don't actually think he started out smacking everyone around. i think physically, touya rei and shouto were the people he abused while natsuo and fuyumi never got that.

he was training touya and fuyumi was planned and that was the only "happy" part of the marriage

it was when touya started “failing” that the things got ugly. I think fuyumi has memories of the family being functional and happy because at the beginning they WERE ... they were functional and did things together and acted like a nuclear family. through a child’s perception, that’s what she wanted to go back to.

Anyways, Rei Met enji. And like., She ofc didn’t love him but she at least kind of liked him as a person. When a man like that comes and asks to marry your daughter it’s not some ogre carrying her off, he was a desirable bachelor & her parents LEAPT at it.

Rei was hopeful @ first. She thought "he’s handsome and strong maybe this will be a good marriage". She romanticized him a little bit. She kept thinking about being “good enough” for him. She kept giving him children, cleaning the house, being subservient because she was taught that those things made a good wife. she tried to be a good wife.

every time he got angry or distant she just blamed herself. what did SHE do to upset him. what did SHE do that didn't make him happy enough.

Endeavor didn’t hit her until shouto in my hc ... I think w shouto he just seriously lost his mind bc 3 kids in and no perceived progress. But up until that point, every time he got angry or distant Rei blamed herself. Every time he didn’t want to look at natsuo or called Touya a failure she blamed herself. And like. That fantasy was falling apart.

A resentment started brewing. She was starting to really resent her husband to the point where Touya being so similar to him made her uncomfortable. i do hc that at the time touya looked the most like him / had a temper (obviously we know him being angry would be him lashing out bc he was abused, i'm not saying his temper is wrong or bad). And fuyumi was so similar to HER I think being around her made her sad. I don’t think rei was weak and a pushover at the beginning....She was trying her best and by the very end she was tired

Now going into when she had her youngest child. All the other children disappointed enji and by default were rei’s “failures”. She didn't give him good enough children to make him happy. That was HER fault. She loved her children of course, but being a victim of abuse from her own family would sometimes get distant from them. Rei has very said, distant eyes. she's always been that way.

Whenever enji yelled at them (I don’t think he hit them @ that point in time) she would make excuses for him.

Touya and her were developing a strained relationship bc she’d ask the wrong questions and say the wrong things... “You shouldn’t have made your father mad” and things like that in response to his abuse because in her head smoothing things over is still the best approach. She wasn’t trying to hurt him, she just...wasn’t thinking rationally. She thought she was, but she was speaking from a place of abuse herself. She was taught to keep her head down.

When Touya would get angry he’d look so much like enji she’d visibly flinch away from his yelling. It strained their relationship. Like you know how you can’t take it out on the person who makes you angry so you take it out on someone else? like that. again, 100% wrong on rei's part. she made mistakes and tried too hard to please enji. She lowkey put her fear of enji into Touya as he got older. Tried not to show it but it was so clear he made her uncomfortable. And Fuyumi. She kept thinking fuyumi was gonna end up just like her and hated that.

there's distance with both of them because of those feelings. Then she has shouto and like. He’s her whole world. He’s nothing like her or enji and he’s sweet and he thinks the world of rei...Rei ADORED shouto. Natsuo was also very close with rei because endeavor straight up ignored him.

And the shit starts where he wants to train shouto and she’s trying to stop him. She wants to put her foot down. She doesn’t want him to take her baby and make him like himself. She couldn’t protect Touya, but she won’t let the same thing happen to shouto. SHe starts being defiant. The fighting starts, the hitting starts.

And you remember how right before she burns him she was on the phone with her family? Saying “I can’t take this anymore” over and over...She wanted to leave. That HAS to mean she has called them before which means this entire time every time she had a problem she probably called her mother or something for advice. And like. I’m sure. SURE Her mother was always on the other end telling her to smooth things over. To fix it. To make it right. To be a good wife. Insinuating she was a bad one for having problems in her house.

Which is why rei never left, She didn’t think to. It never crossed her mind outside of being some silly intrusive thought she’d never entertain... She had mental health issues for years, Anxiety and depression that went unchecked and developed into a schizoaffective disorder. She didn’t hear voices but she would just develop this severe irrational paranoia. and it all came to a head when she burned shouto.

when she got to the mental hospital I don’t think she took it well at all, I think she got there and kept insisting she was fine, was in denial that she was sick. I think she kept screaming and begging enji not to take her kids from her. I think she tried refusing medications, Pocketing pills, Hiding shit. Thinking she didn’t need help, she’s not crazy! Trying to leave and walk out. Her first year there was hard because they had to restrain her, give her injections. The whole ordeal.

She was very resistant to care at first. I also hc like. She’s clearly fine and having worked in a mental hospital before a lot of people ARE fine while they’re there but they’re so scared of integrating back into society they just don’t want to leave. She's not so mentally unwell she needs to be inpatient for 10 years that's just. not realistic. She could have been discharged earlier, but she didn’t wanna go back home. She was afraid to live in the real world again. So she stayed of her own choice there.

REI DOESN’T WANT TO LIVE IN THE HOUSE ENJI BUILT. In fact, when she gets out, she sees natsuo and fuyumi argue about who is going to live with her (to take care of her) and rei just quietly says she’s decided not to live with either of them. She loves her kids, she wants to have a place in their lives again somehow, but she’s also ashamed of how Fuyumi, Natsuo, and Shouto all think they have to “save” her. She’s lost all the years to raise them, but if there’s one more thing she can do for them as a mother, it’s stand up on her own two feet and not burden them any more than she already has. She tells them that she’s sorry for being weak, but that she wants things to be different. And because of that, she says she’s gonna live in a group home for women until she can get a job and get her own place. She has help from the hospital and she’s going to use those resources.

The kids try to dispute it, but Rei won’t budge. She knows she failed them as a mother and knows she can’t change her weakness in her past, but she refuses to do that to them any longer. She isn’t a fool --- she knows it will make an already hard transition that much harder, but all she’s ever been is someone’s daughter. someone’s sister. someone’s wife. someone’s mother.

For the first time in her life, she wants to be Rei.

#* HOWL » saved.#IDK WHAT TO TAG THIS AS BUT HERE.#THIS POST IS RLY LONG BUT TAKE THE TIME TO READ IT I STG

12 notes · View notes

gallickingunexposed · 3 years

Note

Tl;dr - morgan and leaf (one of the mods) are both guilty of kicking people in the server by personal preference and enable the possibility of plagiarism happening again within bnhabookclub

I wasnt going to send this bc frankly im unbothered. However, ik this is smth that can easily happen to someone else and they may undermine their experience if they believe theyre the only one this has happened to. And since i have made attempts to get answers from leaf (since morgan and i are mutually blocked) but havent been able to get through, i might as well speak up to help others since the bookclub admin/mod team wont

Ik she said she wishes she did things differently so some may believe she regretted her actions, but her actions are still the same. When a blogger was concerned over her keeping a picture of their ID and morgan refused to acknowledge it, she kicked them by her personal choice and didnt tell mods. Recently, she did the same to me. When i asked a mod, i was told that this mod had no idea this happened and had to ask, as of which only one other mod (leaf) knew about it. I tried to contact leaf weeks ago on discord and she still wont accept my friend requests. Ive sent and re-sent it jic she missed it since i was told shes busy, but at this point its clear that discussion is being avoided again, similar to the previous time someone was kicked without notice or breaking rules.

The reason i was in the server until this point was bc there was a mutual understanding between me and the bookclub staff team that id be there to make sure they didnt continue to steal from my friend’s server and my server. This was discussed months ago and we barely managed to get bookclub to properly attribute us and stop using my friend’s content when he said it made him uncomfortable. The mods had agreed during the “inactivity” kicking session that i could remain (even if inactive) in the server and leave of my own accord to make sure that bnhabookclub didnt continue to take credit for things they took from our servers. I expressed i wanted to leave but was staying and will continue to stay until i was sure that they wouldnt plagiarize from us; however, i sent one message within the server during that time jic to cover my back about being kicked for inactivity. that purge never happened, but suddenly morgan and leaf went back on their word months later and kicked me, not informing the entirety of the mods of their actions so they can get away with it (since again i was told morgan believed she’s in the right for this). If theyre to say they never agreed to this, i have ss of my conversation with the mod who helped me through this whole situation. I dont believe she would made that stuff up and put herself in the hot seat.

It’s convenient that im someone who morgan plagiarized from and also one of the many people she scammed and tried to prevent giving a refund to, and now shes removed me from the server because she “saw no issue with it” (quoted from the mod i did talk to that was unaware of the situation) even though the server is where half of those offenses occurred. Now that im not there, she has full capability to reimplement the stolen ideas and procedures that she got from me and my friends, which is likely since she is repeating other actions the same as she did in the past without remorse. I had remained in the server this whole time to make sure she didnt continue to plagiarize our content. Morgan as well as the entire mod team was aware of that since it was discussed months ago during the time these things were being properly attributed, but they kicked anyway and will probably say it was “unrelated” to the plagiarism, but that merely overlooks and gaslights the situation. Kicking for personal choice can only be regrettable if it doesnt happen again, but morgan and leaf have made it even easier for her to get away with the same issues and have continued to solidify bnhabookcoub as a space that isnt run by the rules shown, but simply run by morgan.

Is that a community i want to be in? Ofc not, but if it meant ensuring morgan and her team didnt continue to steal from me and my friends then that was fine with me. They know the sole reason i was there was to make sure they didnt plagiarize me and my friends — there should be no issue with that unless there was intent to oick up where they left off and continue plagiarizing. Had i been able to leave of my own accord then i feel like no flag wouldve been raised, but morgan and leaf are simply solidifying the accusations from before: removing and silencing ppl that were wronged.

All of this leads into me saying, please take her words of regret with a grain of salt and believe in her actions objectively instead. Victims of morgan’s theft, bullying, etc have no reason to lie — theres no prize or pot of gold for saying these things, and also it is difficult for some people to speak abt what shes done to them. However, morgan has lied to cover her ass when people come forward and made herself the sole victim through words while she continues to act the same. Please just be careful about the spaces you join, esp if its one that she and her friends run or are apart of.

psa

#hq x reader #mha x reader #bnha bookclub #bnhabookclub #bnha book club #tw: discourse #lilhemmo #submission #kirishimaseijirous #bnhq book club #bnhq bookclub #bnhqbookclub #gallickingunlies #gallickingunarchive #gallickingunsteals #gallickingun #gallickingunexposed

1 note · View note

najilas · 4 years

Text

did you just see NAJILA TAMIMI pull up on campus for the new semester ? they're the TWENTY-ONE year old in DELTA ZETA ALPHA right ? i heard they're a PRESIDENT . it makes perfect sense because they’re DECEITFUL , but at the same time DEBONAIR . i wonder when the black sheep is going to drop the big secret that they RECENTLY HAD AN ABORTION AND DIDN’T TELL THE FATHER . anyway , i constantly hear them blasting GLORY AND GORE - LORDE , tell them to keep it down , it's quiet hours .

hi babes!! my name is mari, i’m 21 & my timezone is brt !! najila is a new character of mine so i’m still figuring her out a bit but ?? i am so excited to play her here akndjaskdn here’s a bit abt her !!

tall, blonde, and beautiful. born with a silver spoon doesn’t even begin to describe najila tamimi, daughter of sillicon valley billionaire hassan tamimi and former super model saskia van hall. life for najila was easier than most, but the combination of brains and beauty left by her parents meant the pressure to be perfect was high.

mostly, she succeeded. she managed being volleyball team captain, science olympiad champion, and student body president all while maintaining a 4.0 gpa and a fairly stable social life. the overachieving was something she got from her father. from her mother, however, she got the impeccable looks, perfect hair, and beautiful smile which made everyone either hate her or be her best friend. and really, those are generally the extremes you get with someone like najila.

on the outside, she is a selfless, extremely loyal, ride or die friend who will hold your hair while you puke and not even mention it the next day. she will make sure everybody loves you, get you in on the biggest parties, introduce you to anyone who’s anyone in the area you wanna work with, buy you ultra expensive gifts just because they reminded her of you. but she does have a hint of backstabbing bitch which means she will likely tell others about the things you did in a semi judgemental tone if you do anything that steps outside her lines of “perfect, elegant, and classy”. and if she hates you, be prepared to suffer, because she knows just how to play the victim whilst spreading vicious rumours about you.

so, is najila tamimi a good person? it’s hard to tell. but if you try to claim the contrary you will first have to scroll through her instagram page which is just as filled with her doing volunteer work and attending the mosque on fridays as it is of her at fancy parties with beautiful people.

the truth is she’s a mess of contradictions and it’s as easy to love her as it is to hate her. she appears to be the most humble person in the world despite all her beauty and wealth, but deep down is incredibly proud of all she’s accomplished and incredibly afraid that one day she’ll be dethroned.

despite having been offered modeling jobs a thousand times over, najila mostly declines them because she is too busy and has no need for the money. she’s also too ambitious and has big plans to make her mark. she’s majoring in physiological science, with a literature minor. her plan is to go to medical school and then work with an organization such as doctors without boarders, and work in research later in life. the literature minor is more of a hobby, really, as she loves it but not enough to pursue it and knows she won’t have enough time to study it later in life.

being as focused as she is on achieving her goals and exuding an image of perfection, seeing the two lines on a home pregnancy test turned her world entirely upside down. once it was confirmed, she knew she didn’t have long to make a decision. in discussions about abortion, najila had always had a clear stance, “it should be the woman’s choice, but i don’t think i could ever do it” and yet it seemed like the only thing that would not jeopardize the perfect future she had planned for herself.

she felt incredibly guilty during the entire process and those who are close to her may notice –– as much as she will deny it –– that something has changed. she barely eats or sleeps lately and is throwing herself into her studies and president duties more than ever. but the beautiful smile is still ever present on her face as she attempts to move on as if nothing had happened. what’s important is that no one ever finds out what she did, and this stays behind as the only imperfect stain in her otherwise perfect life.

wanted connections !!

best friend (f/nb): honestly i feel like this would be a very blair/serena type thing where they can be bitchy and fight a lot but at the end of the day they’re ALWAYS there for one another and it’s that sort of thing where ‘no one talks shit about my best friend except for me!!!’ i’d imagine najila told them about the abortion but nowadays tries to pretend like she’s fine and nothing ever happened.

would-be baby daddy (m/nb): could be a fwb, one night stand, ex boyfriend, wHATEVER the point is najila didn’t say anything about the pregnancy and feels incredibly guilty just looking at them and there’s bound to be lotsa drama when it gets out.

frenemies (m/f/nb): because with this combination of nice and bitchy there’s bound to be a lot of those!!!

party friends (m/f/nb): najila is a great party buddy cause she’ll stay up until 6 am, pay for ur drinks, and knows just the right amount of drugs you can take in order to get fucked up but not die!

sibling like relationship (f/nb): tbh i’d love this to be a younger delta zeta girl who najila just full on adopted and is probably grooming to become sorority president in the future. acts like their mother and would ruin anyone who tried to hurt them.

rival (f/m/nb): please i NEED a spicy rivalry !! probably someone who sees right through najila’s bullshit and thinks she’s a two faced bitch who doesn’t deserve all the credit she gets. she will definitely throw a lot of shade and spread nasty rumours so beware !!!!!

exes (f/m/nb): there’s so much we can explore here !!! naj is bisexual but is closeted af (type of girl who says kissing other girls at parties doesn’t count!!!!) so tbh i’d love a girl who she truly loved but wouldn’t assume her so it was a dramatic breakup through and through. but tbh she’s the type of girl who seems to always be dating so ??? exes who are still friends, exes who still hookup, exes who can’t even look at each other, i want them all

and honestly anything else we can come up with bc some of the best connections come from brainstorming anyway !! that is all !!! ily pls plot with me goodbye

#rushqs:intro

16 notes · View notes