The GQ Couples Quiz

You, a famous actress, and your boyfriend, MGK, do an interview about your relationship for GQ.

Request: “Can I get a Colson Baker imagine where you do the couple interview for buzzfeed please”

Colson x Reader

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: I changed it to the GQ interview because I couldn’t find the one for Buzzfeed, sorry!

Word Count: 2480

“Hey guys I’m MGK”

“And I’m Y/S/N”

“And this is the GQ couples quiz.” You both said at the same time before busting out in laughter at the corniness.

“I think you know way more about me than I know about you.” Colson said, a nervous look on his face.

You giggled, “I think I know some stuff that could get you into trouble.”

The producers behind the cameras laughed at that. “Okay, I’ll go first.” Colson picked up the cards in his hand. “What is my full name?”

You smiled, “Starting off with the heavy stuff here, guys.” You said, looking behind the cameras with a laugh. “Your full name is Richard Colson Baker.” Colson made a face at the use of his first name which made you giggle.

“Yeah, but if anyone calls me Richard or Richie,” he pointed straight into the camera, “I will come for you.” You giggled at his silliness, looking at your own card which held the same question.

“Okay, what is my full name?” You looked up at him, “If you get this wrong, I will walk out of here.”

His eyes went wide, “I think I know my own girlfriend’s name Ms. Y/F/N.” You giggled, nodding in approval, and letting him continue. “Where was I born?”

You rolled your eyes, “Houston, Texas. Easy. Where was I born?”

“Y/B/T” He said with a grin, flipping to the next card.

“What is my secret talent?”

“You say this is your secret talent, but you talk about it all the time so I don’t know if it counts.” You said, “but you can juggle.”

He nods, “That’s the only talent I have so it counts.” You giggled, shaking your head. “Yours is that you can balance shit on your head, right? Like cups and plates and shit.”

You nodded, “together we make a whole circus act.”

You both laughed, his entire body moving as he did. Eventually, he calmed down and looked at the next card. “I’m gonna look like such a shitty boyfriend.” You laughed, waiting for him to read the question, “What’s my favorite meal?”

You laughed harder, “you don’t know my favorite meal?”

He threw his head back, “I know what you eat a lot but like, I couldn’t tell you what is specifically your favorite meal.”

You giggled, “yours is Soul food. Like chicken and mac n cheese and all that.”

He nodded, “I was gonna say chicken wings, but you’re right.”

“Every time we go to Cleveland you drag me to that one place and you get so excited about it.” You told him and he smiled. “Do I wanna ask you what mine is?”

“Dude, you are gonna make me look so bad.” He shook his head, but tried anyways, “I mean, I know you like making breakfast with me and Case, but I don’t know if that’s your favorite meal or not.”

You grinned widely, excited that he got it right. “No, you’re so right. Like, it’s not the best food,” he pouted, “but the fact that we all make it together is really cute.”

He blushed, reading the next card. “What is my favorite song to sing around the house?” He started laughing in the middle of the question, making you laugh with him.

“Oh my god, what doesn’t he sing around the house?” You said to the crew behind the screen. Slim and Baze were standing to the side, laughing with you. “I guess normally its whatever he’s working on. Like I swear, no one is more obsessed with his music than he is.”

His cheeks were red and he buried his face behind his cards. “I’d like to disagree but I really don’t have a favorite song to sing around the house. It’s just kind of whatever’s in my head.’

“So, then I still get the point, right?”

“I guess you still get the point.” He sighed.

“Okay this one is different for me, what is my favorite song to dance to?” You asked, grinning slyly at him.

He rolled his eyes, “if you play anything by 24kGoldn, she will be dancing to it. If you play anything I’ve come out with, she skips it.”

You gaped, “I do not skip it you ass! You just don’t make good dancing music. There’s nothing wrong with that, I just can’t dance and cry at the same time.” By the end of your statement, you were both laughing like little kids. “But Goldn, he makes some dance-worthy music.”

Colson shook his head but continued. “What was the name of the first song I ever released and my first album?”

“Lace up.” You announced, making the x symbol with your hands. Colson nodded, smiling at you fondly. “Uh, your first song was…” you trailed off, thinking. “It wasn’t Wild Boy, was it?”

He shook his head, “nope, earlier than that. It was never on an official album.”

Your eyes shot open in realization, “Oh! Alice in Wonderland!” You shouted and he nodded, smiling proudly.

“I swear to God I look so bad right now.” He complained.

You chuckled, shaking your head, “We’ve gotten the same number of questions right! I wouldn’t have gotten that if you hadn’t told me it wasn’t on an album.” He let out a sigh but you continued, “what was the first piece of film I ever appeared in?”

You could tell he was thinking, “like commercials and stuff count?” You nodded, “you were in that Febreze commercial when you were like, 12, weren’t you?”

You laughed really loud, your head going back and your eyes shutting. “I hate that you know that.” Colson pumped his fists in the air, celebrating his correct answer.

“If you were to ask like your first actual like movie, it was Nerve, cause that’s how we met.” He said, a wide grin on his face. You nodded, matching his energy. He looked at the card, his eyes going soft. “Okay this one’s cute, when was our first date and what did we do?”

You giggled, remembering the long path to your relationship. “Our first actual date was on April 23rd, 2019. We went to a little drive-in movie and you borrowed Baze’s truck and we sat in the bed and uh… let me just say we didn’t do much watching.” The crew members started laughing with you, so much that you had to take a few seconds of a break.

“We’ll cut the break out, don’t worry.” The assistant director said. Colson’s face was red, trying to hide his laugh as you went back to the video.

You cleared your throat, “when was our first kiss?”

He chuckled, “It was not that night, funnily enough.” You both giggled, hiding your face in embarrassment. “Our first kiss was the night before. It was my birthday and we were in this huge house and there were a ton of people around and I realized that you were the only person I actually wanted to be with at that moment in time. So, we snuck out to the backyard with a bottle of something and spent the rest of the night getting drunk with each other. And at some point, I kissed you.” You smiled, the memory of that night coming back to you. “And then I asked you on said first date.”

There were a few scattered “awes” from the production team, which you laughed off. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was cute, next question.”

He shook his head at you but read the next question, “Ugh, these are all so cheesy. When did I first say I loved you?”

You chuckled, “You were on tour and I hadn’t seen you in like two months except on the phone. So, when you got back, you took me and Casie out for lunch and then we went to this skate park. I remember I was teaching Casie how to skate and you just kind of blurted it out. And Casie and I both looked at you like “what the fuck did you just say?” and you got really embarrassed about it and then Casie said “finally!” like she had been waiting for it.”

You were a giggling mess, happiness flooding your body as you remembered the moment. “No,” he started, “you don’t understand. Casie figured it out like weeks before me. We were talking on the phone, and this kid, my nine-year-old daughter, started teasing me about how nervous I was to tell you.”

Your grin widened. “I swear Casie would’ve killed me if I hadn’t told you that day.”

“I will have to thank Casie at some point.” You said as you flipped to the next question. “What is my favorite movie and TV show? You gotta get them both right.”

He put his head in his hands, letting out a sigh. “I know your favorite movie is Nerve for obvious reasons,” he motioned up and down his body, “however, I know you’ve seen The Dirt about a hundred times, so.” He pointed his head at you and you rolled your eyes.

“He’s so egotistical.” You said to the camera. “But you’re right, Nerve is my favorite movie not only because its how we met but also because it was the first movie I was ever in. But if you were to ask my favorite movie that I’m not in, it would be The Dirt. You get 2 points for that one.”

Colson nodded, “hell yeah. Okay, what do I consider my biggest career accomplishment?”

Your eyes went wide as you realized you didn’t know the answer. “I could say like three or four different things right now.” You whined, looking to him for help. “When Miocic started coming out to your song, when you recorded with Crue, when Cena started using your song. You’ve done so much shit.”

He chuckled, “yeah but what’s the most important one, like to me?”

You tilted your head, “Was it when you performed on New Year’s?” You asked, feeling slightly embarrassed.

He laughed, “you’re a goddamn mind reader, I swear.” You smiled, sighing in relief, “yeah, it wasn’t like the biggest thing but it was the most important to me.”

You smiled, “we’re just on the same wavelength.” He rolled his eyes at your goofiness. “Okay, okay. How do you know when I’m mad at you?”

He chuckled, looking down at his hands, “if its something I did and we’re like, in public, you just won’t talk to me and like you won’t let me touch you.” He turned to the camera and the rest of the room, “like we are both very touchy people, so if she stops holding my hand or something, I know I fucked up.”

You giggled, nodding in agreement, “but if I really mess up, she’ll let me know.”

“We’re very big on communication.” You smiled, both of you stifling laughter at the many memories of you arguing over stupid things. “But it’s why this works, y’know?” You said to the camera.

“You should get this one, what’s my biggest fear?” He asked, the room falling silent.

You turned to look at him, a soft smile on your face. “Losing Casie.” You said, “or me, but mostly Casie.” You both knew how much he loved Casie. It was what attracted you to him so much in the first place. And since you’d known him, Casie had become equally important in your life.

He nodded, “yeah. I’ve had, like, actual nightmares about it. Scariest shit.”

You let the answer linger in the air for a second before pulling out the last card. “Okay, last question. When did we first meet and when did you first realize you liked me?” You grinned up at him and he blushed.

“First day we met was the day of the Nerve read through and we hit it off immediately. But I realized I “liked” you,” he used air quotes when he said the word liked, “when you did that ladder scene. I remember thinking like, “damn, that girl is fucking metal.””

You laughed, “I was so terrified but I was trying to keep calm because I wanted you to think I was cool.” You squeezed your eyes shut, “I was freaking out.”

Colson laughed with you, pausing to catch his breath, “but the first time I realized I loved you was when I was on tour. Normally I called you before I went out after the show, but this one night I was really burnt out and the only thing I wanted to do was to sit on the bus and facetime you. And even though I was like four hours behind you and it was like 5 am where you were, you stayed up with me and we just talked for a while. And then you fell asleep without hanging up and I couldn’t bring myself to hang up. So, I just, as creepy as this shit sounds, I just watched you sleep. And I had that thought of like, I could do this every night and not get bored of it. And that’s when I realized that I loved you.”

The look on your face explained your emotions perfectly, and it was something the internet talked about for a while after the video was released. Colson blushed, “now you gotta say when you first realized you liked me so I don’t look like a little bitch.”

You laughed loudly, body shaking. “Ok, first time I realized I liked you was when you brought Casie to set. Like, the way you acted with her and everything was so sweet. Like I was already attracted to you but that was the point where I was like, woah.” You made wide eyes to prove your point. “I realized I loved you the same facetime call. I hate being woken up and I was really mad when my phone rang. But then I saw it was you and my heart literally did a little backflip. The next morning, I woke up to the call still going and you were asleep on the other end and I realized that I would never answer a facetime call at 5 am for anyone else.”

He smiled fondly at you, “we’re so in sync.” You giggled, agreeing.

“Okay, that was our really cheesy GQ couple’s quiz. Thank you guys so much for watching. Stream Daywalker by MGK and Corpse.” You said to the camera.

“And go see Y/N’s new movie out on Netflix!” Your boyfriend said giving a thumbs up to the camera.

The director gave you the signal to cut and you let out a sigh of relief, looking over to Colson, who was already looking at you. “I love you.” He said.

“I love you too, dork.” You mumbled, moving from your chair to his, resting your head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around you.

FIC: A Waffle Lot of Trouble (baon)

Summary: Edge has learned many things since he began his relationship with Stretch, gone to a variety of places, done so many things. Surely he can endure this travesty. Surely he can survive...the Waffle House.

Tags:  Spicyhoney, Established Relationships, Domestic Fluff

Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

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Read it on AO3

or

Read it here!

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“Explain to me why we are doing this?”

Edge followed Stretch through the door beneath the glowing sign and the reluctant drag of his boots did not stop his husband’s determined march.

“three reasons,” Stretch said. He did not loosen his hold on Edge’s hand, as if suspicious he might flee if given a chance and Edge couldn’t say he was wrong. “one, because i’m craving horrible unhealthy eats and your cooking, while delicious, doesn’t qualify. two, you’ve never been to a waffle house and it is an experience that everyone should enjoy—”

“Endure.”

“—enjoy,” Stretch insisted stubbornly. “which brings us to the third and most important reason. you love me.”

“I do,” Edge sighed. This wouldn’t be the first occasion that his adoration would take him to strange and sometimes fascinating places for unique meals. They used to do it quite often while they were still dating and Stretch was doing his weekly restaurant reviews for his twitter. Somehow the banquet had dwindled off as he slowly ran out of places in Ebott to review. It was a shame, really, and perhaps he should speak to Stretch about starting up again. There was no reason they couldn’t travel a bit further out of the city so long as proper security measures were taken. It would be enjoyable to find another small hole-in-the-wall or old family business eager to share their signature meal.

From the looks of this place, the food would be better left unsigned.

The booths looked as if they’d been torn straight from an old sitcom, padded red vinyl with the occasional patch attempting, and occasionally failing, to hold the stuffing in. It was a match to the stools lining the long counter, separated by little islands of napkins, condiments, and straws nestled together. The overhead lights were glaringly intense with one in the corner flickering with seizure inducing intensity and in the other corner was a jukebox to complete the scene in searing neon.

If horribly unhealthy food was what Stretch was craving, then he’d found its haven.

“c’mon,” Stretch tugged at his hand to pull him along and Edge’s dragging stride had nothing to do with the cane he was leaning on. His husband led the way to one of the booths, still chattering, “i used to come here all the time before we got together. sometimes when i couldn’t sleep, i’d sneak out and take the late bus out and sit here for half the night, taking up space.”

There were so many horrible things wrong with that statement that Edge couldn’t pick one to start with; the very idea of Stretch alone on the bus after midnight, or him here and equally alone, hanging out with the sort of Human patrons who were eager for cheap, greasy food in the wee hours, or the last indignity, that he’d hidden his excursions from his brother. Anything could have happened and the fact that it didn’t only barely kept Edge’s mouth shut.

Then his teeth ground together for another reason as they halted in front of one of the booths.

The table was the sort of sticky usually reserved for movie theater floors and while Edge tolerated it beneath his shoes, having it beneath his elbows, or worse, beneath Stretch’s bare hands, was entirely unacceptable.

Before he could give voice to one of his many protests, Stretch was already rummaging through his bag, this one with the chemical formula for caffeine boldly on the side. "don't worry, babe, got you covered."

He pulled out a package of disinfecting wipes and busied himself cleaning not only the tabletop, but also the plastic bench seats and even the salt and pepper shakers. Everything on the table got a thorough wipe down and as soon as the seat dried, Edge grudgingly sat. Much as he was relieved that Stretch came prepared, the fact that he knew to be prepared did not instill much faith.

He tried very hard not to think about the state of the kitchen.

Edge picked up one of the freshly wiped down menus to frown at. “You still haven’t explained to me why we needed to come at 3am. We could have come at noon for the lunch special.”

“nah, that’s for soccer moms and octogenarians,” Stretch scoffed. “you come at 3am ‘cause that's when you go to a waffle house, babe! it's a liminal space, a place of transition, where you cross over from one space to the next and—"

“If I’d known we’d be traveling so much I would have worn better shoes.”

“always got jokes, babe,” Stretch snickered. He lowered his voice, leaning in. “but seriously, look around.”

Edge was well familiar with the subtleties involved in a careful awareness of one’s surroundings. Without lifting his head, he looked around the diner. There were only four other customers, all of them with plates already in front of them. One a group of college-age Humans who might have been fashionably dressed up for the club a few hours earlier but now their makeup was running from sweat, their hair fallen and straggly, and simply by looking at them, he had a fair assessment of their current smell. The other person, who looked as if they might have been in prison as recently as last night, was forcefully shoveling what might have been hash browns into his mouth. It was difficult to tell; whatever it was had enough ketchup poured on top to give even Sans a pause and a moment to reconsider. He could very well have been eating shredded napkins beneath that thick layer of red.

None of the Humans paid him and Stretch any mind, so Edge silently wished the man good fortune on his recent parole and returned to looking at the menu while touching it as little as possible.

The door that presumable led to the kitchen swung abruptly open and a harried waitress came through it, coffeepot in hand. She didn’t so much as give them a second glance, only thunked down a pair of heavy white coffee mugs and poured them full to the brim.

“Be back to take your order in a minute,” she said distractedly.

“take your time.” Stretch was already tearing open sugar packets to add to his cup. He took a sip, grimaced, and added several more.

Edge reached for his own cup, already braced for whatever burnt dregs ended up as the primary flavor, when the ancient jukebox suddenly came to life, blaring out a jaunty 50’s style tune about raisins in toast. Edge jerked, cursing softly as he spilled hot coffee over his hand. He hastily stripped off his glove and turned to glare at the jukebox…except there was no one by it. No one else was even looking at the blasted thing.

A light touch on his hand sent him jerking back the other way, to find Stretch holding out a fresh pair of gloves for him with one hand as he continued to peruse the menu with the other.

“Thank you,” Edge sighed out. He dried his stinging hand with a napkin before sliding on the gloves.

"no prob. that happens sometimes," Stretch said absently. "the old waitress here swore the jukebox was haunted. whatcha getting?"

The sudden u-turn from the supernatural to the mundane was nearly enough to add to his whiplash. Edge picked up the menu again with his fingertips, still trying to touch it as little as possible. He doubted if Stretch’s supply of gloves was endless. "If I had blood and flesh, a tetanus shot. Since that isn't an option, I'll settle for the ubiquitous waffles.”

Not that he had any intention of eating anything. He only hoped that pushing it around his plate and perhaps mashing pieces with his fork would suffice. He added a silent prayer that he might be able resist the urge to slap Stretch’s plate away like a poisoned entrée before he carried his husband back out to the safety of their car. It would be a enduring struggle, he was certain.

Sudden shouts rose and Edge jerked again, turning to see that a set of the college-ish humans were engaged in a combination of shrieking and hairpulling, while their companions shouted at them, in encouragement or deterrence, it was difficult to tell.

As quick as it began, it ended, and they all returned to the table, eating their fries and cheese sticks while one held a napkin to their bleeding nose and the other, a glass of ice water against her swelling eye.

“Stretch—” Edge began, low. The best waffles in the world weren’t worth putting his husband anywhere near this sort of danger and certainly not the greasy globs of fried dough that were on offer here.

“hmm?” He turned back to see his husband hadn’t even seemed to notice the brief outbreak of brawling three booths away. Stretch only flipped the menu over and frowned, “dunno, maybe i’ll get the hash brown bowl this time, what do you th—"

He broke off at the sound of shouting from the kitchen, the entire restaurant turning to watch a burly man in an apron storm out, the waitress at his heels. Whatever his complaint, it was difficult to parse around the vigorous swearing, words that might even manage to bring a hint of a blush to his brother’s face.

Might.

What couldn’t be mistaken was his last shout, two clear, concise words. “I quit!”

The gathered assembly watched as the man ripped off his apron and tossed it on the counter, stalking out the front doors and out of their lives.

A long moment of silence, then Stretch grumbled out, “aw, man, not again. why do they always quit in the middle of the night, this is the third time!”

The waitress only stood there, a helpless expression on her weary face. She turned to them, “Sorry, guys, the next cook isn’t in until six.”

“nah, it’s cool,” Stretch sighed and started to get to his feet. “we’ll have to try again another time, babe.”

The waitress began gathering their unused silverware and Edge could hear her miserable sniffle as he followed Stretch towards the door. She was very young, and as terrible as Edge was at guessing Human ages, he suspected if she’d been a Monster, she would have been barely out of stripes. “Don’t suppose either of you cook?”

Edge paused.

In front of him, Stretch also stopped when he realized Edge was no longer following him, the reluctant leash of his hand becoming a stubborn brake. “what are you…” His expression changed, his sockets narrowing. “babe. no.”

Edge said nothing, only looked back at Stretch and watched his growing outrage, “no! you wouldn’t let me work at the haunted house that time! that guy would’ve paid us at the end of the night, we could’ve been their best workers! bet you could’ve gotten a ton of macho men to wet their pants without breaking a sweat!”

“She needs help,” Edge said, quietly. He did not bring up the ending debacle of their haunted house trip that landed them in the parking lot after an unintentional shortcut, a prudent choice when persuading Stretch.

Stretch faltered, looking around him at the waitress. Who was near tears, fruitlessly trying to call someone on her cell phone who wasn’t picking up. He blew out a sharp breath, rolling his pale eye lights, but his faint smile was unmistakable.

“always got to be the hero, don’t you,” Stretch sighed. He jerked a thumb back into the diner. “go ahead, superman, have at it.”

Edge nodded and turned back, walking over to the young waitress determinedly. “Excuse me, miss.”

It was only five o’clock in the morning when the other cook arrived, still bleary-eyed and his hair sticking up in the back. He didn’t ask about the newly shiny cleanliness of the grill, nor the fryers. And the counters. The floor. Even the mysterious dark smudge that forever haunted the smoke hood was gone, but he had no questions. He merely grunted a greeting and took possession of the equally shiny spatula, already reaching for the eggs that were sizzling on the griddle.

Edge removed his spotless apron and hung it on the peg by the door. He gave the kitchen a last satisfied look, then went out the door.

Out in the dining area in a corner booth, his husband was curled up, asleep. His skull sagged back against the worn vinyl padding, his mouth open, and a faint snore escaping on each exhale. An oversized leather jacket was spread over him that was not Edge’s and certainly wasn’t his own, Edge reached for it with a frown, lifting it off him in a jangle of chains and zippers.

“I’ll take that off ya hands.” He turned to see last night’s possible parolee holding out a hand. Wordlessly, Edge handed over the jacket and the Man shrugged into it. “He was shiverin’, didn’t want to bother ya while you was giving Anna a hand. So I kept an eye on ‘im.”

“Thank you,” Edge told him softly. The man gave him a gap-toothed smile.

“Nah, thank you for helpin’ her out,” the man said gruffly, “She’s a good kid, couldn’t afford to the lose the paycheck for the night.”

“Ready to go, daddy?” They turned as the Anna in question, the waitress, came out of the kitchen, coat in hand. Another waitress was already speaking to the other early morning customers, coffee in hand and waffles on order.

“Ready when you are, kid.” The man turned and shuffled to the door, but Anna paused by Edge.

“Thank you,” she said. Tears were brimming in her eyes, unshed. “Thank you so much.”

“It was my pleasure,” he told her, honestly. A few hours of cooking and deep cleaning was soothing to him in its own way, body and soul, and while his leg was beginning to complain, the rest of him felt nothing but deep, almost luxurious peace.

She gave him a happy smile and went after her father.

Edge watched her go, then turned back to Stretch, who was already stirring without the protection of the jacket. “hummzat?” he mumbled out, and when Edge reached out to gently cup his cheekbone in one hand, he learned with drowsy contentment into the touch.

“We can go home now,” Edge told him softly. He did not expect that sleepy look to turn to one of dismay, his sockets going wide.

“but we didn’t get any waffles!” Stretch said, with deep layers of disappointment. It was true; he’d fallen asleep before Edge even figured out the industrial waffle iron.

Edge only shook his head and took a seat on the other side of the booth, “All right then, waffles it is. You were right, you know.”

“hm?” Stretch yawned, “’bout what?”

“I did cross over from one space to the next,” Edge said, solemnly. He kept his expression as straight as a ruler, concealing even the hint of a smile. “A transition, if you will, into a liminal space—”

“i didn’t mean from the dining room to the kitchen,” Stretch grumbled. But he reached out to give Edge’s hand a brief squeeze, his thumb brushing over the ring on his third finger.

“Nevertheless,” Edge picked up a menu, though by now he knew it by heart. “Now. What are you having?”

-finis-

Eating Habits Chapter 6: Date Night

I think ‘date night’ might very well be my most used chapter title of them all, but chapter titles have never been my strong suit... Anyway, have an aged-up Adrienette date. Plus some other things.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 (Final)

Enjoy!

Read on Ao3. 

Adrien had gotten home late after another long but enlightening shift at the bakery. Well… relatively late. The hours that a baker worked meant that his bosses were in bed long before most people, but that didn’t matter much when they took advantage of his youth and strength to do the heavy lifting for them. He hadn’t even considered checking his mailbox last night with the bone deep exhaustion he’d felt. The first rays of dawn were only just barely able to wake him.

He threw his legs over the side of his bed and took the time to watch the sunrise through his bedroom window. Another beautiful day in Paris. Even if it was a little chilly in the early October air, the cold had never bothered him as much as they had his lady. A ghost of a smile flitted across his face as he remembered her and slipped his feet into the silly kitty slippers she’d made for him ages ago.

His muscles ached as he stretched, but between his excursions to the gym, the years of superheroing, and the schedule from his youth that had run him ragged, the pain was more than bearable. A warm shower to help relax helped take the edge off the soreness. Now all he needed was some breakfast, and something to distract himself. With those goals in mind, he got dressed and headed into the kitchen, sparing a glance at Plagg. He was still laying on his back, bathed in a sunbeam as one of his legs twitched. Adrien smiled as gently closed the door behind him.

Despite all the classes and his time at the bakery, breakfast was still Adrien’s strong suit. He started to cook up a cheese omelette stuffed with fresh vegetables, paired with some leftover bread he’d taken home from the Dupain-Chengs yesterday. Barely a few minutes had passed before the silence became maddening. Another lingering pain from his childhood, but one that he could easily remedy. A playlist Nino had made for him filled the air and Adrien’s mind cleared.

Halfway through breakfast, he remembered he’d never checked the mail yesterday. Not wanting his food to get cold, he dashed down to the mailroom of the complex and quickly opened his slot. As expected, there was a bundle of letters that he snatched before closing it and running back into his apartment.

He slowly shuffled through them while he ate. Most were worthless spam or worse. One from a modeling agency he’d worked for a month or two ago. Probably either thanking him for the work or pre-emptively asking for him to come back on for the winter lines. Considering his finances were doing alright, he’d likely pass on that and carefully set the letter aside. Reaching the bottom of the pile, he froze.

A familiar type of envelope in the same familiar handwriting of his father.

Everything in him told him it was a bad idea to read it. He never came out of it any better than when he went in. His heart was pounding in his chest and he began sweating. His breathing was ragged as his eyes flew over the page.

They were all the same. Every single one of them. Different words, same meaning.

‘I did what I had to.’

‘This was for YOU.’

‘Our family needed this.’

‘Put yourself in my shoes.’

‘Would you have done any different?’

The words flew past in a blur as his eyes glazed over. Before he could properly read it, a sharp voice drew him out of the downward spiral.

“I’m hungry!” Plagg whined as he flew in front of Adrien’s vision. “I’m wasting away here, kid. I need delicious, gooey camembert NOW.”

A smile tugged at his lips but didn’t reach his eyes as Adrien jolted to his feet to find his kwami’s breakfast.

----

While Adrien was distracted, Plagg narrowed his eyes and faced the letter. He was sorely tempted to just cataclysm it right here and now, to make sure his chosen would never be hurt by it again. But control of their powers had never been the forte of any of the kwami, least of all the kwami of destruction. Deciding that it was only barely not worth ruining the apartment, Plagg batted the letter into the trash. If only he’d had the opportunity to do the same to Gabriel himself.

Adrien returned with a quarter wheel of cheese, which Plagg took to eating with gusto. Adrien frowned as he looked on the counter.

“Hey, Plagg?” The kwami slowly looked up from his breakfast. “Do you know where that letter I was reading went?”

“Somewhere it belonged, I’m sure,” Plagg replied irritatedly. Adrien was about to speak again, so Plagg interrupted him. “So, date night, right? That’ll be something to look forward to.”

Just as expected, a dopey grin crossed Adrien’s face. Plagg could play the boy like a lute. “Yeah, it’ll be great to go out again. We don’t get to go on dates as much as I’d like.”

“That’s ‘cuz you’d want to go on dates every night,” Plagg pointed out.

“True,” Adrien conceded. “But I don’t hear you complaining.” He rested his head on his hands, almost flush with the table, putting him at eye height to Plagg. “Maybe because you have a love bug too that you get to cuddle with, hm?”

Plagg made a gagging sound. “Sugar cube and I don’t cuddle. We are ancient beings from the dawn of time.”

“Really? Curled up into each other like that, you could’ve fooled me. And what, exactly, is it that kwamis call it?”

“...Shut up.”

“And you have pet names for each other! Just like me and Mari. Sounds a lot like you two are dating, you know.”

Plagg slowly turned to Adrien and narrowed his eyes. “Shut. Up.”

“Aw, I’m sorry Plagg. Truce?” Adrien scritched between his ears in just the right way.

Unable to fight his instincts, Plagg purred in spite of himself. Refusing to continue the conversation, he doubled down on eating his cheese. Adrien chuckled and returned to his breakfast.

Despite his denials, Plagg was looking forward to the date night, but for more than just seeing his Tikki. Plagg snuck glances at his charge, but Adrien seemed to be back to his usual peppy self again. He breathed a sigh of relief. Another crisis averted, barely.

------------

With how much she’d been pushing herself, it was bound to happen eventually. Late night studying. Early morning classes. Every hour crammed full of work. Between the darkness of the theater, the calm and pleasant movie, and the comfortable shoulder of her boyfriend, Marinette was destined to fail. None of that made it any less mortifying.

Marinette was gently shaken awake by Adrien as the credits rolled. It took a moment for his face to come into focus, but when it did the amusement was plain.

“Rough night, huh?”

She snorted. “More like rough semester.” She wrapped herself around his arm as they walked out, leaning on him as her eyelids grew heavy. Despite her best attempts, she yawned.

She felt him kiss the crown of her head. “My poor, sleepy bug. How about we bail on the restaurant part of our date and just head over to my place?”

Even in her exhausted state she managed a grin. “Why Adrien, you tom cat. And without even buying me dinner first.”

He rolled his eyes playfully. “You’ll get your food. I just don’t want you face planting in your plate in public.”

“Oh, so it’s alright when I dive face first into my food, just so long as it's at your apartment?”

“Yes,” he said with a stoic expression. “Then when you drown in soup I will be slightly less embarrassed.”

“Oh, I see,” she deadpanned. “Well, as long as my impending doom isn’t an inconvenience to you.”

“I’m glad you understand.”

Their eyes met briefly, but that was enough to break their charade. Both of them broke out into giggles and the conversation passed into a comfortable silence as they made their way to Adrien’s apartment. At which point, she let out another big yawn.

He looked at her with a frown. “You going to make it, lovebug?”

“Nope,” she said, popping the ‘p’. “You’re going to have to carry me.” She stuck out her tongue at him and took a step towards the elevator.

Naturally, she didn’t make it much further than the one step since Adrien swept her up into his arms.

She laughed. “I was joking you ridiculous man.”

“Princesses get carried to their towers,” he replied loftily. “I don’t make the rules.”

The strong, independent woman in her wanted to struggle and get down, but the very tired design student who was presently in control simply cuddled closer as she laid her head on his chest. She felt warm and secure and relaxed for the first time in days. She closed her eyes to listen to his heartbeat more clearly.

She must have drifted off since when she opened her eyes, she was laying on his couch. There was a delicious smell in the air that was enough to make her stand up, clutching the blanket Adrien must have draped over her.

He smiled as she approached his kitchen. “Hey bed bug. Done with your cat nap?”

“For now, at least.” She rested her head against his back as he stirred. “What’re you cooking?”

“Potato soup. Straight from your father’s cookbook.”

She hummed happily. “I can’t wait.”

“Take a seat, I’ll pour you a bowl when its done.”

She moved to do so and happened to walk past the garbage can. Her eyes were drawn towards an uncrumpled letter facing up. It wasn’t hard to recognize the writing - years of idolizing the man behind the brand had trained her well. Even if it had been even more years since that particular pedestal had been broken, never to be rebuilt. She cautiously lifted it from the trash and scanned the page. Ladybug levels of singular purpose parted the tired fog of her mind as her anger was stoked.

“Adrien…” Something in her voice caused him to turn around with a frown. When he saw what she was holding, his eyes widened. “...Have you read this?”

“S-some of them.” There was a tenseness to his shoulders that hadn��t been there a moment before. A stiffness to the way he held himself. “Only skimmed that one before… before I lost it.”

Lost it? Sounds like Plagg’s doing. Marinette made a mental note to sneak the little guy even more treats. Then her eyes widened in realization as his words caught up to her brain.

“Wait. ‘Some’ of them? There are others?”

Adrien swallowed and visibly paled.

In a heartbeat, Marinette was beside him, the blanket forgotten as it pooled on the floor behind her. She reached a hand up to cup his cheek and he leaned into her touch gratefully. With her other hand, she grabbed his forearm and squeezed.

“Oh, kitty…”

After a few more deep breaths, he got himself under control. He took the letter and folded it up neatly before stashing it high on his refrigerator.

“So, uh…” He said in a voice that only barely warbled. “Soups ready.”

She knew him well enough to let it lie… for now. Adrien didn’t like being pressed or forced to talk about things, but she trusted him enough to talk in his own time. For now, all she could do was take his mind off of it.

And if that meant chatting over a dinner of soup and then cuddling on the couch for a few hours… she wasn’t about to complain.

-----

It was morning when Marinette woke up. Apparently she’d been picked up yet again since now she found herself in Adrien’s bed, with the man himself nuzzled up underneath her chin.

As much as she wanted to sleep in, a glance at the clock proved that wasn’t likely. She groaned and tried to wriggle out of Adrien’s grasp.

“Nooo…” Adrien moaned into her collarbone. “Stay…”

“You know I’ve got classes, sunshine…”

He raised his head and pleaded at her with those big, green eyes. His bottom lip quivered with overplayed sadness. It was almost enough to break her right there, but sheer stubbornness carried her through this time.

“Nice try, and very cute, but it’s still a no.”

He sighed. “It was worth a shot. What if I drive you into class?”

“I…” She glanced at the clock again. “I’d actually appreciate that, thanks.”

“And if I happened to not have anything else to do today and brought you lunch later… I don’t suppose you’d appreciate that too?”

She tried to pout at him for babying her, but the warm smile he was giving her was proving contagious. Instead, she sighed and rolled out of his arms before walking into his shower room.

His laughter could be heard even through the door. “I didn’t hear a ‘no’, princess!”

f i r s t  d a t e (mess we’ve made) | myg

pairing: min yoongi x reader 

genre: fluff

word count: 3.1k

warnings: none

summary: you to naturally drift away from the dangerous and enticing force of nature called love. you decide to have another go at it, with your best friend. how will it turn out in the end? a drabble series capturing the ups and downs of being in a relationship with your best friend, min yoongi.

A/N: this was a lot longer than i anticipated so umm. this is a oneshot series now HAHA. anyways enjoy hehe this is just wow im hungry

prologue

❀ ❀ ❀ A first date is a momentous occasion, a milestone, a day that will forever be embedded into your mind, regardless if it’s good or bad. The thing is, when you are already best friends with that person you’re going on this so-called date with, it really doesn’t seem like anything’s changed. Yet, it’d be a complete lie if you were to say that it didn’t have any importance at all. He made you feel at ease, at home, besides that weird sensation that makes it feel like your heart is threatening to break the barriers of your ribcage. But hey, I guess that’s normal.

While going against the tradition of a first date where you’re supposed to make a good first impression and get to know the person more, you and your date, Min Yoongi, decided to take a different approach. A more affordable, lazier, and chill approach. An approach that included a movie marathon at someone’s house while splitting the pay (because chivalry is not quite dead, just yet) to order some pizza. And maybe some cuddling in between all that. Nothing more, nothing less, for now of course.

I mean, at least that’s how your dream looked like the night before your actual first date.

The two of you had planned this all out over text. He constantly asked you if you wanted to formally go out like your typical first date, but you told him that what you guys were doing was just fine. Although this date doesn’t seem as special as it was, deep down, you knew you had something more special and pure. And the thought of that alone just sent his heart into overdrive.

He almost entirely dismissed the fact that this was supposed to be a trial run of sorts. He already didn’t want what you two had, to end, even before it started.

On the contrary, this ‘trial run’ proposal had not left your thoughts ever since that night. You knew from the beginning that this was something you always wanted, as much as you wish you didn’t, it always had its throne in the back of your mind. And you didn’t know if you wanted it to ever end. And those thoughts alone scared the crap out of you.

-

You two had agreed to dress like bums while spending your time together. The classic hoodie and sweats are always a move. The effect of him wearing something so simple yet looking so effortlessly good always made you feel some type of way. He could say the same for you as well.

You sat on your phone as you mindlessly scroll through your phone, waiting for a certain car with a certain someone to pull up to your house. The night breeze nipped at your nose and sent shivers down your body. You always hated how cold it got in the nighttime despite how hot it would be in the day. Your hoodie strings were pulled tight and tied at your chin, making you look like E.T. and the fact that you were wearing Yoongi’s grey sweater didn’t help it either. You wore a pair of black leggings and black slides to complete the ‘i hate school, i don’t wanna be here so what’s the point of me trying to look nice’ look. It was a look you became very accustomed to in your sophomore year after everything that had happened at the time. Next to you was a paper bag full of snacks the two of you loved to eat.

The deep rumble of the car’s exhaust pulling up near you caused you to glance up from your phone. A familiar car pulled up to your driveway as you stand up from the porch and approach the car. The car window rolls down to reveal the face of a boy you’ve grown very familiar with and fond of. He sweetly smiles at you as you shakily open the car door and settle into the passenger’s seat. A wave of nervousness and anticipation settles into your bones. These feelings were foreign to you and you definitely didn’t expect them to appear when being in the presence of your best friend. This is different now. The title of a ‘boyfriend’ or ‘significant other’ holds an entirely new importance that you weren’t used to. At all.

Yoongi noticed your lack of usual chatter and assumed its from your own nerves. He realized how hard it must be for you to do this and come out of your comfort zone like this. It’d be a lie if he didn’t say he wasn’t nervous himself. He’d been thinking about being able to have this moment with you for so long now, and he really didn’t want to fuck it all up. After all, you two were best friends and you essentially knew each other as much as you know yourselves, if not, even better. He garnered up the courage to create small talk with you,

“Did you um- start on the summer assignments?” he stuttered, not keeping his eyes off the road.

“I did some of it,” you respond, voice barely louder than a whisper, “it’s really boring.”

His lips press together into a thin line, unsure about what to say next, “Alright.”

“Yeah,” you murmur, staring out the window as you think about the awkward tension in the air that was basically suffocating the two of you whole.

As you two approached a stoplight, Yoongi looks over at you as you’re still staring out the window. You sense his presence behind you as you slowly turn your head towards him, eyes wide and face blank. An uncomfortable silence takes over until you both couldn’t take it. You both chuckled together in unison, breaking the impromptu staring contest you two just had.

Your mind snapped back into reality as you process what had just happened, and you were utterly confused. “What’s happening Yoongi?” you ask him, starting to feel at ease once more.

“I have no idea,” he responded, pulling up to his house, “but here we are, mi casa.”

He parks the car and leaves, you gathered your belongings until the car door abruptly opens causing you to gasp and drop your bag, “Ladies first.” Yoongi says, arm motioning you to exit the car as if you had your own personal chauffeur.

Your brows furrow in annoyance as you clench your teeth, “You know, when people open doors for others, they don’t swing it open and startle them like that.”

“It’s not my fault you get scared so easily,” he smirks, causing you to get even more irritated.

He opens the door to his house for you as you step inside and slip off your shoes, “I’m gonna kill you one day, just watch.” you jokingly threatened him, loosening the strings of your hoodie as you slid the hood down.

“I’d love to see you try baby,” he responded provocatively, making his voice sound even deeper than usual while emphasizing the pet name he had used at the end. Your eyebrows shot up as you suddenly lose all train of thought. You cough to regain your composure as you mutter, “Baby?”

He bit his bottom lip as his head droops down, “Sorry, I just,” he scratches the back of his head, the pink pigment in his cheeks starting to increase, ”just forget about it.”

“No, it’s okay.” you immediately respond, feeling guilty for how you had reacted, “you just caught me off guard,” you reveal as Yoongi sighs in relief. You snicker to yourself as you started to lay out the snacks on the coffee table as Yoongi grabbed a few blankets and pillows from his bedroom and laid them out on the couch.  

He walks over and plops onto the couch, grabbing the TV remote as he starts looking through whatever’s on Netflix, “What do you wanna watch?”

“I don’t know. I don’t really care to be honest.”

“Me neither.”

You finish setting up as you plop down onto the couch, sitting next to him, “Oh yeah, I ordered pizza. I think it should be coming soon,” he said as the doorbell coincidentally rings. He greets and pays the delivery man as he brings the box to the coffee table and sets it down. The familiar aroma of a warm delectable pizza full of gooey cheese and an array of toppings practically made your mouth water. You two always liked combo pizza the most because pepperoni and cheese was just too plain and boring for your tastes. You two immediately dug in, eating straight from the box because it was too much work to grab plates.

“I was thinking,” you said, mouth filled with pizza, as sauce started to drip out of your mouth, “the ‘Suite Life Movie’.

He nodded before taking another bite out of his pizza, “A cinematic masterpiece.”

“Of course. The plot was truly ahead of its time.”

“That’s true, but, I was thinking,” he attempted to explain while chewing, “Let It Shine.”

You paused at his suggestion, mouth inches away from taking another bite of your pizza, “An underrated cinematic masterpiece. ‘Don’t Run Away’ is still a huge bop I don’t care what anyone says.”

“Then it’s settled,” he said, wiping his hands with a napkin before turning on the movie.

The movie begins to play as you and Yoongi continue to stuff your faces with junk while still focusing on the movie. You two had finally reached your breaking point as you clean up and rest on the couch. Yoongi takes the blanket beside him and drapes it over you. You glance over as you see you two sharing the blanket as it drapes over your legs and his. You scoot closer to him so you sat shoulder to shoulder. As you settle back into your original position, the back of your hand brushes against his, causing you to stiffen. Yoongi peers over at your distressed form, smiling at your tenseness. Your eyes soften as you slowly slip and intertwine your fingers with his own, leaving him ogling at you in pure awe and shock. You smirk at him, sinking back into the couch cushions as you continue to watch the movie.

You involuntarily snuggled closer to him as the movie went on. Legs tangled beneath the sheets, hands intertwined, as your head rested in the crook of his neck. You both hummed along to all the songs as they flashed on the screen. Your body began to shut down towards the end of the movie as your eyes constantly threatened to close. Yoongi turned his head slightly to see your eyelids fluttering, fighting the wave of fatigue and drowsiness that was overtaking you. On a whim he decided to ask you, “Hey, Y/N,” he whispers into your hair. His voice causes you to stir awake, shaking your head as you detach your body from his.

“Let’s go out,” he said, eyes pleading for you to say yes as his hand was pulling you to get up.

You let out a deep yawn, attempting to rub the sleep from your eyes, “Isn’t it getting late?”

“It’s only 11:30,” he responds, showing you the time on his phone, “c’mon y/n, I know you’ll like it.”

“Alright,” you give in, standing up from the couch, “where are we even going?”

You follow him out the front door and into his car, “We can’t forget about dessert right? Besides, I’m craving bingsu.”

“That does sound really good,” you add, “I was like 5 seconds away from entering a food coma. You caught me at the right time.”

You constantly yawned the entire car ride there, head bobbing as you kept falling asleep on the way to the tea house. He was taking you a popular place around your area that specialized in boba and bingsu.

“Here we are,” he said, taking the keys out of the ignition as he gets out of the car. You trip while getting out of the car, stumbling to the door of the tea house while Yoongi watched you with eyes full of admiration at your clumsiness. You run your hands through your hair as you grab a table towards the back of the small restaurant while Yoongi ordered. You propped your elbow onto the table as rested your head in the palm of your hand. Yoongi walks over to you with a large ceramic bowl filled with mango bingsu, a favorite between the two of you. You gave him a timid grin as you mouthed a small ‘thank you’. You pick up the spoon, about to dig in until he intervenes,

“Wait, lemme take a picture of you first,” he blurted out, reaching out and holding your wrist just before you were about to dent the bingsu, “it’s our first date after all.”

“I look so bad,” you giggle, holding out your sweater paws and disheveled hair.

“You could never look bad to me,” he said, smiling sweetly at you as he snaps a picture of you with his phone. He sets his phone down and picks up his spoon until you interrupt, “Hey, me too!” taking out your phone as you take a picture of him holding up his spoon and smiling. New wallpaper secured.

You both nodded in agreement as you dug into the bingsu. You two finished the bowl concerningly fast considering the amount of pizza you two had devoured back at his house. You lean back in your seat, clutching your bloated stomach.

Yoongi emits a loud belch which makes you both laugh in amusement, “We should get out of here before we both pass out, at least we could sleep back at home.”

“Alright then,” you huff, slowly rising up from your seat, “let’s go,” you murmur, stretching your hand out towards him. He takes your hand in his own as he stands up and you leave the restaurant.

The car drive home was relatively silent. Simply just basking in each other’s presence and the fact that you two were together, and you certainly couldn’t ask for anything better than that.

Your dad had agreed to let you spend the night at Yoongi’s house. His mom and your dad have been close friends since the two of you had known each other which made things significantly easier. He parks the car in the driveway as he sluggishly steps out. You follow him into the house as he sets his keys down and jumps onto the couch. You sheepishly grin as you trail him and plop down onto the spot next to him. He sighed deeply as he started to speak, “It’s not even that late but all this food is making me tired as hell.”

“Yeah, I feel like I just gained 10 pounds.” you chuckle, rubbing your stomach in emphasis.

“Sooo,” he trails, turning to face you, “what did you think of tonight?”

“I loved it.”

“I’m glad you did.” he responded, reaching over to grab your hand, “Ready to sleep?”

“Mhm,” you manage to mumble out as he draped the blanket over the two of you. He happened to have a pull out couch that was fairly comfortable than most. Although you were good acquaintances with his mom, and she happened to like you very much, you didn’t want to ruin her trust by spending your first date in his bedroom. Naturally, she could get the wrong idea, and that’s the last thing you wanted to happen.

The dim lighting barely allowed you to make out most of his features, but for some reason your heart was racing. He slowly laid himself down onto the couch, motioning you to join him. You oblige and lay down next to him, facing him as he pulled you in close. The close proximity reminded you very much of the day he had confessed to you. Except this time you weren’t sitting in the back of his car, under the stars, anxious and afraid of what was going to happen next. You were in the comfort of his home, sitting on his couch, wrapped in his warm embrace, content and happy.

He brought his hand up and timidly cupped your face, brushing the pad of his thumb along your cheek. You leaned in towards his hand as a small giggle escaped past your lips, making his lips curl into a smile. The sound died down as the smile faded from him, his eyes transformed into something you couldn’t quite read. He looked almost confused and hesitant, but your oblivious self couldn’t pinpoint what he was thinking about.

That completely went out the window the moment he started to lean in. It would’ve been stupid to say it wasn’t something you two had always wanted and always thought about. Your lips meshed together moving in perfect harmony. Something switches in your head and tells you to go for it. Maybe it’s lust. Maybe it’s love. Or maybe it’s the fact that his eyes are closed, his face is centimeters away, and you were practically about to bump noses. You take a deep inhale as you slowly shut your eyes and lean in.

Your lips meet. His lips were soft and cold from the shaved ice you two had previously eaten. You two awkwardly stay in the same position and broke it soon after. His eyes widen in complete shock, “Woah.”

“Yoongi, that was literally a peck.”

“Okay an-”

You shut him up with another kiss on the lips. This one was certainly different from the other. It had more fire, more passion, more longing. You slowly caressed each other’s lips, taking your time and letting this new, foreign feeling sink in. Your hand involuntarily reach up, fingers entangling itself into his hair. As you started to get more comfortable, you would sporadically detach lips and change the positioning of your heads and resume kissing. It’s as if that single kiss had just made up for all the lost time and all the time you two had spent wishing to be together.

You two part at last, foreheads against one another as you stare into each other’s eyes. You were both in complete disbelief at what had just happened, but you had wished it had never ended.

“Goodnight beautiful.” he softly mutters, pressing a final kiss to your forehead as he sinks back into the couch, eyes shutting.

The corners of your lips naturally curl into a smile at the sight of him sleeping soundly right next to you.

“Goodnight Yoongi.”

-

-

MASTERLIST

Fright Night - 1985 - 3.5/5

Highly oversimplified fun ‘modern’ teen adventure book-style take on Dracula - i think?

i am having a fuckking awful night please let this be half okay at least funny like please. right we have some poor audio. tom holland is here? some chick is going on about how much she likes the dark - she’s mina? pale, red lips peeps are making out - it’s just someone squeaking their lips together and then letting go lmao wtf - it’s a tv show about vampires lol this acting is amazing i think its supposed to be he literally just went after her with the blunt end of the stake damn. some more squeaking kisses gross. kids making out, peter vincent is on TV or some shit. boyfriend has wandering hands and she’s told him twice to stop and now he’s bitching at her for not letting him feel her up and then she apologises? excuse me? and now he’s guilted her into doing it? oh damn that’s a nice chocolate coffin where’d he get those binoculars ahaha oh yikes that girl is not ready and now he’s ignoring her oh what is happening. mum’s getting involved. he wanted to fuck she didn’t then she wanted to fuck and he was distracted by some guys carrying a coffin into the basement of the house next door. he’s so distracted he’s completely ignoring his girlfriend.oh damn he pissed off his friend too this guy seems like a dumbass. ew gross oh my god she’s dressed like a prostitute what is that blue thing and the opaque beige hosiery is horrific. it’s funny at this point lots of these clothes are coming back into fashion. then there are those of course that must die and stay dead. damn a big ol scream from the house next door and a light went out. fuckin hell he wait she’s apologising for his  dumbass and said it’s her fault and he’s like yeah i suppose it was like what. i know this is supposed to be like this like he’s clearly supposed to be a terrible boyfriend but fuck he is barely pretending to care about her - he said ‘i love you’ and she’s gooing all over him. now he’s ignoring her again and here’s his weird looking friend who thinks its hilarious oh my god she slapped a hamburger cheese onion and tomato hamburger patty on his face disgusting but damn he deserves it. whoop a guy in the basement just saw this kid snooping - is he seriously just gonna open this guy’s basement doors unsurprisingly dude came and snapped at him like wtf you think you’re doing. he’s obsessed with this house all of the sudden? eating chips at his window with his binoculars. now asleep in that chair and hot damn there’s a couple about to fuck  and tittiiiiiieesssssss. oh damn mate is a vampire looking straight at the kid through the window. just staring. then closes the window with long ass fingers with long yellow nails. just woke his mum up like ma new guys a vampire and she’s like fuck off and he’s sneaking about outside what the hell is this kid on. oh they’re carrying out bodies in garbage bags and what i think they’re trying to show they’ve got sick powers or something there’s this synth beat in the background those are the largest collar flap things i’ve ever seen and that red scarf is sick a lot is happening bro red scarf dude just caught annoying kid charlie spying at them from the hedges. oh shit he’s screaming at his mother and his girlfriend what an ass - Amy is obsessed with their relationship, Mum thinks he’s having a nightmare. he’s the dumbass in the horror movie - running around screaming, telling everyone the guys a vampire killing people getting the police involved like dumbass what teh fuck this is gonna be embarrassing you think if they really are vampires they’re gonna be dumb enough to let themselves get caught. oh what he’s yelling again and interesting there’s a painting of a blonde version of Amy. is this dracula 1980s version. the house is all cobwebs and old timey shit. dumbass getting screamed at by the cop for screaming about his neighbour being a vampire he’s got no evidence but just keeps screaming. you deserve to die like 0% self-preservation skills m8. is he racing home no to his friend’s house his weird friend who’s somewhat more mental than this dumbass - give him eight bucks to tell him how to protect himself from a vampire attack he’s listing off stereotypical shit but i doubt any of this will be legit they all like dangling those and scoffing at them. he’s nailing his window shut but hey guess who mum’s invited innnnnnnnnn ahahahahahahah lol oh damn who sits in a chair like that well hello bruce banner hot edition. hm his fingers look normal now. aahahhaha oh fuck he out here telling charlie he wouldnt have come to visit unless he had been invited and now that he had been he would be over whenever he liked. charlie the dumbass is not trying to hide how terrified he is out here backing away, eyes wide, shaking, Jerry the vampire just staring at him. 'see ya! soon.’ scrambling up the stairs - like just mayyyyybe you shouldn’t have immediately done all you can to piss off the guy you think is a vampire. cause now he’s on your roof. i can’t believe his name is Jerry. this is so 80s. this music man. who chills in a button up shirt all tucked in . is that a mouse? or the trees scratching oh shit jerry’s after the mum. or not. oh fuck there’s no reflection in the mirror and he just broke her door? oooop he’s in dumbass’ roommmm or is he - yep he was hiding in the closet???? is this a metaphor??? howdily hoodily. oh damn yeeted him into his closet. they’re not giving bruce banner very good camera angles. we’re only 30 minutes in and he and the vampire are chilling out, being held up by his throat - ohh broody vampire time. bruce no don’t throw him out the window that’s so obviousoh but damn there’s he’s gonna stake him with a pencil ahaha what oh fuck nosferatu time damn all because of a pencil fuck that is not sexy. he looks like a lord of the rings troll. they both look hella nervous that mum’s knocking on the door. he threatened to kill him, offered him a choice for them to forget each other, he said nah, he tried to kill him, he stabbed him with a pencil, then he roared all scary and buggered off. odd. now he’s just sat down and watched some–dracula ahaha he’s watching dracula? now he’s calling him up ahaha staring at him through the window calling him up on the phone. 'you started this - im gonna finish it!’ like calm down vampire man the boy is a dumbass. this is cheesy but like okay. he legit seems like a proper dumbass teenager kid all overexcited and dramatic and learning all he knows from TV oh damn he’s like a school shooter, wife beater kinda kid though. ahah shitting on friday the 13th calm down that’s a good movie. does this peter vincent actually believe in vampires cause this kid is hoping he does - he’s got those brown elbowed jacket how old is this high school aged kid. ejesus what the fuck is that moped holy shit. white sneakers that blue knitwear holy shit what the fuck what the fuck charlie dead eyes, monotone sitting in his bedroom he’s filled with religious paraphernalia, dozens of candles and stacks of wood he’s carving into stakes - his GF and friend come in like yo wtf m8 what is all this - he just shrugs and tells em he’s gonna go next door and stab the neighbour. um what the fuck jesus hes crazy he’s weird friend who can’t act thinks so too and eyy the peter vincent late night show is called 'Fright Night’ and the weird kid just said their situation is just like 'Fright Night’ and guess what this movie is called – this is pretty intense like how am I supposed to be taking this is it funny, is it dramatic? this kid looks like he’s gonna pass out he’s having some sort of episode. 'hey amy, you don’t believe me do you.’ 'i love you charlie.’ hm vincent knows whats up amy and weird kid go to see him to help their crazy friend and he’s like oh yeah that insane kid he needs a psychiatrist yo ahaha gets fired gets an eviction notice refuses to help the kids cause he’s very busy about to get rich she’s like i’ll pay you - how much he asks immediately - she tells him—i’ll take it, no hesitation ahaha we’re not even half in? oh damn vincent is in love with his acting i think his shows used to be a lot more popular and now he’s sad and fading and ey its bruce banner all bedraggled they literally called him up to ask if they could go over with dumbass and prove to him brucey boy is not a vampire he thinks its hilarious like damn just calling up vampires and shit i love it so casual like he’s just a neighbour not all heavy handed but needs a little less cheese but eh who can find a golden middle did he just eat a banana. holy hot damn her outfit - he’s outfit, holy shit vincent is here all in his role dressed as the vampire killer, performing for dumbass - damn the house does look appropriately spooky tho god this kid doesn’t shut up they all just wandering into the vampire’s house - Charlie gets a special greeting and here is ol mate all dramatic in a fucking turtleneck please kill me. he’s eating food again? whoop amy and bruce banner just had a moment she’s so pretty but her hair is so fukn eighties and now he’s kissing her hand and she’s giggling and biting her lip 'oh god, he’s neat!’ he didn’t drink that he totally used a tricky magic trick dunno how but he didn’t drink that. Charlie isn’t wrong - pulled out a cross and Bruce Banner jumped back and his jim carrey lackey stepped forward and Banner is threatening his friends like fuck off - 'so you’re finally convinced im not a vampire?’ *completely insincerely, through his teeth* 'yes.’ oh damn all was well then vincent saw he had no reflection - let’s call the police! broody vampire time oh damn found some glass from the mirror. lol that’s the creepiest alley 'pencil dick’ 'chicken shit’ nice. ahaha weird kid giving him shit 'fruitcake’ i hope he leaves him alone like surely its in his best interest to leave the guys who are convinced he’s not a vampire to live? the way he’s dragging amy around is pretty messed. it doesn’t make sense for the weird kid to die. like he doesn’t believe mate is a vampire. but now he will so? that trenchcoat is horrific the shoulders are like double his width he’s just slow walking toward him while weird kid is scrambling about tripping over rubbish but now he’s trappeeddddd #leaveweirdkidalone  oh damn nvm he’s bruce banner’s redfield and he’s going under the trenchcoat, pressed to banner’s chest. we’re only halfway through where is this all going. oh ahaha they’re doing the lets run as fast as we can and ol mate keeps strolling out in front of us and now they’re in a bar oh god now he’s calling the police. whoop oh damn weird kid’s a vampire ahahahahahahaha oh shit leather jacket fucked up hair jerky movements - oh damn just took a cross to the face - can still cry human tears sweating like crazy, yellow eyes, crosses fuck em up and out the window he go ahaha lol he’s calling the cops a fucking gain god he’s so rough with her now bruce banner s in the club god he’s really not that attractive like at all - he’s got a good brow and hair but that’s it. he’s not intimidating, he doesn’t stand out holy fuck that lady in red - the platinum blonde. just strolling closer and closer, left to right right to left and dumbass is just on the phone and Amy is like hell yeah licking her lips his lower jaw is like broken the way it moves. He didn’t have to touch her for her to stop she’s in a daze under his spell and he knows she can’t escape it, rubbing her hand on his ass lol what the fuck putting his on her’s oh he pulled back her collar and went to bite and she jerked back but not in a scared more like a fuck off now what you thinkin boii challenge eyes uh oh both of their collarbones are exposed and my god she’s tiny and making out with his chest and what the fuck oh just on her knees thought she was going down on him in the middle of the club dumbass is all upset that the girl he’s been dragging around and leading on and treating badly is chilling in the arms of a vampire who, if nothing else, is indeed more handsome than dumbass but at the same time he’s a vampire and I think Amy is in highschool so that makes her what?? oh fuck bruce banner killed the two black bouncers in front of the whole club now there’s chaooooos people screaming  amy and charlie separated in the crowd, bruce banner scoops her up 'AAAAMYYYY’ stretches a hand out dramatically toward her damn weird kid got weirder ahaha what is happening this is actually really great. god he’s whiny. it’s so good. people are fucking calling the police left right and now dumbass has finally figured they won’t believe him or help him. oh lil mate peter vincent is like a proper good actor where did they get him amongst these screaming children. 'amy is gonna die, me too probably’ lol this writing oh damn she wakes on a fur blanket in front of a fire in a white dress that permed hair is so fucked there’s paintings of pretty ladies all around and one of them is blonde amy and there he is with his shirt unbuttoned pants buckled up to the navel like damn, dark hair all ruffled - hs head is too big for his shoulders ew what is this kiss she’s shaking with fear, he is like almost crying for some reason and now she’s okay and taking her titties out and coming after him  and here’s some weird slow kissing and damn he bit her damn wouldn’t you fuck first? fkn charlie in his professor jacket snooping about in the shadows with a big ugly gold cross on that house is perfectly spooky holy shit peter scared the fuck outta me damn he got a box of 'props’ which will actually work, got a gun to take care of billy or whatever, his human buddy they wanna sneak in but the front door opened for them oh damn don’t let anything happen to peter he’s precious. it’s like reading a teen adventure story - good simple but memorable characters, good story with lots going on, not deep or thought-inducing just a fun time  now here’s bruce 'welcome to Fright Night’ all chill just standing there in like a priest’s shirt? no bruce leave vincent alone. oh what the fuck making a weird moaning noise as he backs away from the cross - #leavevincentalone oh fuck weird kid is terrifying  wtf now he’s a wolf demon wolf ruff ruff puppyy oh shit he stabbed the puppy and it yeeted over the banister hit the chandelier and holy fuck that is the worst puppeteering attempt or whatever the fuck they’re going for ever - its a plush toy twitching out and now ewwwww what the fuck is that i thought vampires were vampires not like weird wolf gremlin things - its slowly dying with this stake in it, all thin fingers, whines, and cries holy shit this is taking a while. vincent is crying and holy shit its just weird kid crying with a big table leg in him and now he’s dead holy shit and the cross mark healed and he’s naked. bruce is oh fuck Amy is a vampire —“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’ the drama. can you imagine walking into someone’s house and there’s a naked dead kid with a table-leg through his chest on the foyer floor. the house is pouring out dry ice and green lazer lights and vincent is back my brave boy, with a table-leg and a box all ready to fight. dumbass is struggling to cry over his girl. AMy is turning, I think bruce is making her a coffin. what here we go - everything is as it was in the movies like all the stereotypical shit so now they’re gotta kill Bruce before sunrise so she doesn’t fully turn. monotone - 'stop or i’ll shoot. don’t force me to shoot’ *shoots billy boy in the fkn head* orange eyes man whats with the weird groans and noises when flinching back from the crosses looks like billy boy aint dead after all holy shit blood everywhere yeah just keep shooting im sure that will help oh damn he the terminator - nope he a zombie fuck run don’t ust holy shit he staked him i thought vincent was gonna die he’s dripping green slime he’s got the ebola what the fuck ohmygod ohmygodholyfuckjesus christchrist fuck my god. well that was terrifying. move aside indiana jones . peter ahahah 'eeehhh’ of bruce chillin outside the window. he uses like fifty different voices and accents 'show me how much you love me amy, kill them both. rraaaargghhhh! *elbows a fkn wall* oh damn at least her gross perm is gone. rarrrrgh! *nervous cross and slow back out of the door* jesus what the fuck his bottom jaw is even worse now he just fkn crashed through the pretty round window.  that jacket damn i hate it so much. oh damn is that the sun? looks like the night is done dumbass and he believes he believes and damn that’s a lot of clocks chiming 6am i think it’s 6am. im sorry what the fuck was that did he just get sniped wat the fuck its a gremlin bat oh my god with fangs and shit its scratching him up oh no it bit dumbass what a shame and ohh he burning in green flame in the light of the sun but he fucked off to the basement where he gone vincent’s cut is gone and dumbass doesn’t seem too worried about his bitten arm. whoop it’s amy all wild hair and long white dress orange eyes, smoky lids, big ass fangs and red lips oh damn what the fucking shit 'it’s not my fault you promised you wouldnt let him get me you promised’ she cries then spins around and its actual fear in his eyes as he screams at the sight of her heavily fanged mouth that reaches from one side of her face to the other jesus cchrist that mouth is terrifying i really am not a fan damn yikes man run ew oh no everyone is in trouble, he is hammering that shit fuck everyone is all kinds of messed up these vampires would have them killed in a second this whole sunlight thing is bull - just cause his face is in the light doesn’t mean you can’t get their legs lol come on the disco-balls are shining and ol mate finally decides to try use his outfit - peter closed his coffin and now he’s trapped i kinda want one of them to die oh damn nvm green flame he went shooting and flying back with the force of that sunlight i think he’s dead 'reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’ damn what the hell is that skeleton 'AAAAAAMYYYYY’ he cried as he died like what some stories need more depth beyond hey i got a picture of someone who looks exactly like you, imma bite you cause now we’re in love, hey kill your ex to prove you love me, i love you and now im dead . oh god worst part is amy’s hair is back in that perm how the fuck. 'we’ve been going in a circle! we’re right back where we started from’ is the opening to the next scene which is dumbass and amy making out in his room - that’s fkn sick, again 'Fright Night’ is back on with ol mate peter vincent. oh no peter vincent on about aliens wait what was that red eyes in the window is ol mate still alive perhaps ew amy deserves better  but hey what the fuck weird kid survived?? oh he removed the stake damn ahaha. what a movie that was a pretty fun time = 3.5/5

So, I binged season 1 of the show “Invincible” last year, and I basically forgot about it until now, when I found a text document on my computer. This is what I wrote in it, directly after watching the last episode (SPOILER WARNING):

I just watched Invincible.

A few things. One, I know, I made the choice to watch it, made the choice to continue watching when it was made clear that the path its storyline would take would be darker than any R-rated movie I've ever seen. Two, I don't regret the choice I made.

I've lived a sheltered life. Not “sheltered” as in "Mommy, what are taxes?" “Sheltered” as in, I've never faced the hardships that the people on the news and in history books have faced. I don't have any disabilities or mental illnesses, I've never been abused in any way, shape, or form, I've never been bullied, I've never experienced the death of someone who was close to me, I've never watched the ones I love or call friend succumb to a drug addiction, or a life of crime, or literally anything worse than bad grades or slightly rough times. I've never starved, gone thirsty, or gone without a roof over my head, a place that I can always rely on to call home and feel safe in. My parents love me, my siblings love me, I have friends who I care for, and they care for me. I've never wanted for anything, and everything always seems to turn out okay for me.

I'm a flippin', frickin', fudgin', snickerdoodlin', cheese-and-sprinklin', can't-even-curse, real-life Mary Sue.

[I’d like to add here that at the time I had a more vague sense of what the term “Mary Sue” meant; I don’t mean to say I am free of weaknesses or perfect, just that my life feels unrealistically perfect compared to the lives of others, and I don’t know why]

Three. I'm not blind to what goes on in this world. I know that people can be awful, and cruel, and sick, and disgustingly evil. I know that history--and the present--is chock-full of horrible lowlifes who somehow got--and get--their hands on enough power to cause pain and misery and suffering for one, a few, dozens, hundreds, thousands, millions, even billions, far into the future.

But to see it so blatantly in Invincible, to have it shoved right into my face and through my skull, straight into my brain, is another thing entirely. It's not eye-opening, it's ripping the eyelids straight off the face, it's what Immortal tried to do to Omniman in the second-to-last episode; especially since I made the questionable decision to finish watching the season in the dark at three in the morning, when and where negative emotions are most potent.

There are horrible people in that show. And it's not even real. What atrocities happen in this world, that the types of people in this show are even conceivable?

Four. There may be two sides to every coin, but the world is not a coin. It's a complex, multi-faceted thing, the nature of which we as a human race are still far from comprehending. As this show loves to highlight, people are hardly ever just black or white; they're some shade in-between, or some color on the EM spectrum.

There are really nasty people out there, but there are also really good ones, ones who are heroes, who do everything they can to help everyone they can. And all of them have the capacity to change their colors; to go from hero to average joe, or hero to villain, or villain to somewhere between villain and hero. Sometimes it would take time for them to change, sometimes a series of events, sometimes another person, and sometimes it would take so much effort and time and help from others that it would seem impossible for them to ever change.

Five. Omniman asked Invincible, asked Mark, why he should risk his life for and protect the human race. Mark never really answered, probably because Omniman never really let him answer. And it got me thinking.

I was in tears, staring at the credits on the computer screen, infuriated, because the violence I'd seen in the show brought home to me all the violence that has happened, and still happens, everywhere on the planet. And I wanted--I want--it ALL. TO. STOP. NO MORE VIOLENCE. EVER.

I questioned why violence is so bad in the first place, how I would explain how bad it is to Omniman. Subjectively, of course violence is bad; inflicting harm and suffering on others is always bad. But that wouldn't come close to convincing Omniman, the same way that saying “the human race should be saved because genocide is morally wrong” wouldn't.

Six, and finally: the history of the human race is fraught with both wonderful and despicable events, but it's a history. Over thousands of years, we have shaped and built on and utterly, irreversibly, irrevocably changed the planet we live on. Our actions, and the events that led to humans being a thing in the first place, are creating ripples upon ripples in the universe. We're already affecting things beyond our planet, beyond our solar system, even.

We're learning, too. We're growing and evolving and advancing, and we're uncovering new secrets about our planet and the universe every day, and pushing the limits of what's possible.

Omniman came to Earth, and he didn't see any of that. Oh, he saw glimpses of us making technological advancements, and he may have caught a few things about our history, but they didn't matter to him. We were animals to him, primitive, weak, valuable only as a resource to his people. He compared us to his people and what his people's values were, and he found us lacking.

Of course he did. His people's values focused on power, and always being the stronger one, lest you be crushed in sacrifice to eliminate weakness in the population.

They valued the strength of the individual, and thus, he could not see the value in the many. He looked at humans, and he saw what we sometimes see; individual people, each one too weak to survive dangers without the help of others, or to live past the pitiful (to him) age of a hundred, if even that.

He didn't--he couldn't--see the big picture; that humans as individuals suck, in general, but humans as a race of beings are powerful enough to alter the course of the entire universe, and unlock the secrets of the entire universe. Our over-all advancement increases with each century, with each decade, at an exponential rate. Ten thousand years ago, we were hunting with sticks and living in caves. Five thousand years ago, we were building structures, farming food instead of constantly having to search and hunt for it, beginning our forays into literature and math. Two thousand years ago, we had built entire civilizations, and found ways to travel and explore our world more quickly. Five hundred years ago, we learned to question our ideas, we learned our Earth was round, and we increased our knowledge of the planet and life itself. Two hundred years ago, we had learned about gravity, and physics, and more about the planets in our solar system. A century ago, the industrial revolution had hit, people could finally fly through the air, and we had the first conflict that affected the planet on a global scale. Fifty years ago, early computers were being developed and improved upon, cars, radios, telephones and television were connecting people across distances more than ever, and we made it off our planet, beyond the atmosphere, and to the moon. Now, we're aiming for Mars, the internet melds most of the world’s population together, and the global climate is a mess, but being worked on by people all over the world.

What will we have accomplished by 2040? 2100? 2500?

Wipe out the human race, and you wipe out a past, a present, and a future.

"Tell me, Omniman," I'd say to him. "What would've happened if they had decided when you were a kid that you, being a kid, were too weak to be of any use, of any value to them, and thus just went ahead and killed you? Such a thing doesn't make any sense, right? If they thought that way about you, then they'd think that way about every kid, and then they'd just end up wiping themselves out.

"A human isn't long-lived. A human would be seen as weak no matter what stage of life they're in. But the human race is a whole. It is a single thing that has been continuous since the dawn of life on Earth. And it is still in its early stages; it's a kid, a teenager at best. As long as humans are still alive, it will never die, and thus, it is as long-lived as you and your people, perhaps longer, if left alone until the Sun goes supernova.

"The amount of potential it has is more than you will ever have, and if you cut it down now, you will never see its full power."

And then he'd kill me anyway, but I'd have tried, right?

But that should be reason enough for us to keep ourselves from self-destructing, and this is why violence is so bad. You commit violence, and you contribute to the ailment of the human race, and bring it a little closer to its doom. Violence creates pain and death, and these can create even more pain and death, in a cycle that only stops once someone conquers the temptation to return violence with violence and decides that enough is enough.

This is why I don't regret the choice I made to watch Invincible to the end: because I have never been more determined to do everything I can to keep the human race from self-destructing.

Or from being destroyed by extraterrestrials. Or a meteor. Or a super volcano eruption. Whichever comes first.

RULES: Complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning. When you are finished tag people to do this survey. Have fun and enjoy!

tagged by @minialbum my fav kangaroo fucker <3 i already did this survey but!!!! i shall do it again cause tbh things probably changed

1: ARE YOU NAMED AFTER SOMEONE? nop but me and my brothers all have names that start with r

2: WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? last night cause at work theres been a lot of drama and one of my favorite co workers was unfairly fired and im just like really stressed about it and tryna tell my boss to change his mind and its a mess

3: DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? my handwriting isnt awful tbh its getting better cause i write a lot more for class

4: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? turkey and also tuna if that counts 

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?  I dont and tbh idk if I would want them I dont rly like kids

6: IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? nah im terrible

7: DO YOU USE SARCASM? yeh but honestly these days its more like funny comments i guess

8: DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? yah

9: WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? yES its actually a dream of mine to bungee jump at one point

10: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF CEREAL? Im not a huge fan of cereal but its mostly shit like great grains

11: DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? nope i just kick them off and then depending on the shoe untie them if i have to the shoes i usually wear are slip ons so i dont deal with laces often

12: DO YOU THINK YOU’RE A STRONG PERSON?  Idk but i will not hesitate to cut a bitch if necessary

13: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? chocolate is always my go to flavor but i like lychee, plum and banana too. and rocky road. i just like chocolate lmao

14: WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? their hair and personal style

15: RED OR PINK? red cause i look weird in pink

16: WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE PHYSICAL THING YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF? i have pretty bad acne and im kinda fat so that also my nose is kinda big and my eyes and two different sizes and my lips are rly thin and my boobs are also different sizes and kinda saggy idk theres a lot i dont like 

17: WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING NOW? no shoes and grey and blue plaid pajama pants

18: WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? chicken my dad made and salmon from like a few days ago that my dad also made with rice and asparagus

19: WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? vixx - heaven

20: IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? a deep purple or deep blue that appears black at first sight 21: FAVORITE SMELL? t fresh laundry lmao and greasewood and i have this color protecting shampoo that smells like a bangladeshi beauty salon and its really weird but i love that smell cause it kinda reminds me of home

22: WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE? text wise my coworker and official father and gore enthusiast andrew and on call my other coworker nadav aka dont touch my son i’ll fucking cut you

23: FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? anything that produces copious amounts of blood and has people going batshit crazy

24: HAIR COLOR? naturally its black my i dyed it a medium brown with golden brown highlights like almost a full year ago lol

26: DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? I have glasses but i dont always need them so i dont bother with contacts

27: FAVORITE FOOD TO EAT? sushi, ice cream, burgers, swedish rockies from my local bakery, cherry hichews, tres leches, krispy kream donuts, mac and cheese from my highschools cafeteria idk i love junk food 28: SCARY MOVIES OR COMEDY? Scary cause i find most comedies to be boring and dry my fav genre is action/thriller tho gimme all the explosion filled superhero movies

29: LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? sasauge party cause its on netflix and i have zero self respect i rly wanna watch moonlight tho but i have a feeling it might like make me cry

30: WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? a shirt i’ve had since i was 11 or 12 its so old its yellow and it has a list of reasons to be a nurse on it its cool

31: SUMMER OR WINTER? depends i like winter cause no bugs and sweaters and chilly enough to not die outside but i like summer cause not cold sun is nice no school

32: HUGS OR KISSES? gimme both

33: WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? still reading moby dick lmaooo

34: WHO DO YOU MISS RIGHT NOW? nadav i really wanna give him a hug

35: WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? no one has mousepads anymore but it would be a hentai mousepad

36: WHAT IS THE LAST TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED? lockup: maximum security i love prison

37: WHAT IS THE BEST SOUND? rain, that noise when its the middle of the night and my dad is driving to california and its just quiet and so good and only the sound of traffic and also my piggus when they squek

38: ROLLING STONES OR THE BEATLES? they both kinda suck tbh im straight up vixxs ass

39: WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE EVER TRAVELED? bangkok thailand

40: DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? i can vibrate my eyes which is rly weird and not really special but i can and have ripped into my skin before for fun

41: WHERE WERE YOU BORN? raleigh north carolina

42: PEOPLE YOU INVITE TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS SURVEY? because i tagged ppl last time i’ll leave it blank now ^^

PROMISE ME NO PROMISES -- THE TOP 10 WORST HIT SONGS OF 2017

Let’s just get on with it. I’ll be less intricate and eloquent here – I’m just going to rip and tear into all these songs. Hello and welcome to...

THE TOP TEN WORST HIT SONGS OF 2017

I would give you dishonourable mentions but I feel there isn’t much here that is truly terrible enough to be noted other than the songs on the list so let’s just get straight into it!

#10

Have you ever hurt so much, physically or emotionally, that the only thing you can do is yell and yell, like a primal release of your...

PAIN!

#10 – Imagine Dragons – “Believer”

There are many, many elements in this song that mesh together like an insipid soup of gouged eyeballs, but on their own are more like slightly expired cheese strings – just that right balance of annoying, gross and still kind of okay, so much that you just don’t notice it if you don’t pay much attention. Let me tell you how about every single one of them:

1) What on earth is that percussion? This was supposed to be powerful but just sounds like the drummer fell asleep on his drum kit, with the bassist swirling his head around when needs be so he can hit the right drums.

2) The buzzing synth that is ever so subtle but ever so murderously annoying.

3) Dan Reynolds’ vocal inflections and singing – we’ll talk about those later.

4) The backing vocals sounding like wolves howling so weakly you’d think they’re in...

PAIN!

5) That.

6) The fact that Dan makes a weak attempt at rapping.

7) The lyrics making next to no sense and having next to no structure.

8) The whole point of the grating-as-all-hell chorus being so it can have that pause and dramatic drop for a movie trailer.

9) The fact that it’s still insanely catchy despite all these flaws.

10) And finally, the collision of all these intestine-munching parasites in the stomach-curling hell of a final chorus, with even more of those shrill additional vocals from the rest of the fantasy dragons that sound like a choir straight out of Robot Hell.

God, and this is only #10.

#9

This will be unpopular. Very unpopular.

#9 – SZA – “Love Galore” featuring Travis Scott

Let’s talk about how much of an autotuned non-prescience Travis Scott is. He sounds like he’s been drowned out entirely by his own waves of sing-rapping. Not to say SZA’s inflections and melody aren’t any more annoying. The “love” melody is, I swear, one of the worst melodies I’ve heard all year. SZA has a faux-Jamaican accent thing going on, which wouldn’t be bad if it weren’t so obnoxious. Those effects piled onto her vocals aren’t doing her any favours, either. The worst part of this song is not Travis and it’s not SZA. It’s the production. The minimalistic, boring production in the intro leads to a bass-boosted apple-picking session where the apples are filled with helium, the tree is shaking and I have a knife to my throat. There’s a metaphor in there somewhere. I would put this in a tied entry higher on the list but I can’t deny the harmony later into the song and Travis’ adlibs are always a treat, honestly. Ya! I don’t know why, but I love them. You could say I low-oh-low-ah-oh-love them. I’m sorry, everyone who like this – and I know, there’s a lot of them – but I’m not a fan.

#8

[chuckling and snickering]

#8 – Drake – “Fake Love”

[bursts out laughing] This song is probably too hilarious to hate, but it’s so pathetic that I just had to put it on here. If you like subtly autotuned wailing leaping out of Drake’s confused, blurred mess of a vocal performance, over steel pans and trap percussion, you’re in luck.

Whole time, they wanna take my place / Whole time, they wanna take my place

That falsetto sounds like a whimpering child whose sandcastle just got stomped on. It’s somehow both cute and ear-shredding.

I’ve been down so long

You were never down; in fact, we’re damn near sick of you, Drake. You don’t sound like you were on any type of downer when you recorded this though.  The sheer emotion in his vocals is clear, but they’re not very good at all. They just aren’t, and I can’t listen to this song without clocking a smile. When I’m sad, I put this song on. It’s that depressingly hilarious.

Fake people showing fake love to me / Straight up to my face

The lyrics to this are blunt but fragile, and are actually a beautiful set of lyrics that really capture Drake’s anger – are people showing him fake love? Probably not, but he’s so paranoid that they are. It’s a great set of lyrics, but Drake’s delivery is equivalent to a parrot who just got dumped and is feeling human emotions like grief, denial and sadness for the first time in its life. This could have easily been the same spot on my best list, so much that I had to go to random.org to decide if this should go on the best or worst list because this is simultaneously terrible and terrific. That Scary Hours EP is pretty cool though, you should check that out... or if you want a laugh, just open up Spotify and listen to “Fake Love”. Better luck next year, better luck next year, ‘cause I’m excited to start giving Drake love next year.

#7

I put two Maroon 5 songs on my best list. I suppose this is my punishment.

#7 – Maroon 5 – “Don’t Wanna Know” featuring Kendrick Lamar

Everyone’s already talked about this song, so I’m not going to beat a dead horse. I’m going to beat a pissy, mind-numbingly repetitive, vocally ear-splitting, blandly tropical, trend-hopping, Kendrick-wasting, badly-tasting, copy-and-pasting, dung-pile of a horse. Oh, wait, I kind of already did that just now. I’ll just leave with you with one of K-Dot’s most fitting lyrics – from this very song:

No more, please stop

#6

This isn’t a hit song; this is a godforsaken nursery rhyme.

#6 – blackbear – “do re mi” (remix) featuring Gucci Mane

The intro to this song is just a bunch of random noises. I’m not kidding, there’s a few synthesizer sounds, a pitched-up reverb-affected sample of blackbear singing the hook, blackbear’s very own ad-libs, some of which are pitched-down, and Gucci Mane yelling “Gucc’!” at the top of his lungs, which I’m surprised isn’t a meme. You know what else is meme-worthy? This dude’s falsetto.

Do re mi, fa, so f**king done with you

And this hook, these lyrics and that melody. Am I the only one who thinks it would somehow be more obnoxious and cringe-worthy if he said “freaking done with you” instead? No?

I think this song is just purely bitter, but not in a way I can relate to, just dark chocolate without flavour or texture. Fittingly, the instrumentation and production is some of the blandest trap-R&B I’ve ever heard. blackbear sounds like a robot for most of the verse until he breaks out as nonsensical child turned angry R&B sing-rapper who broke up with a supposed floozy. Honestly, Gucci Mane’s verse is pretty good but it has hardly any relation to the rest of the song so it’s almost a certainty that I’ll enjoy it, because this song is garbage. How in the hell did this trash make the year-end? I hope blackbear has another hit because frankly, I quite enjoy some of his music, and I don’t want this to be his only hit. Gucci Mane is still awesome though.

#5

There are two songs on this list with a Beyoncé remix, both of which I have credited as the original instead because I don’t want her to be on the list twice when she’s easily the best part of both songs by a landslide. You know why this next one’s on the list, so let’s not waste our time.

#5 – J Balvin and Willy Williams – “Mi Gente”

To describe this song, I have to ask you two questions, the first one being: Have you ever heard a goat or sheep blaring in a farm or zoo? This is what that screeching ear-piercing sample makes you think of – a herd of goats all angry, hungry and confused – which is taken from a song that samples that very sound as well, from another song. The second question is: have you ever heard a reggaeton song? Of course, you have, you’ve heard “Despacito”, haven’t you? Imagine them mixed together, but no, not mixed in a sleekly-designed modern building, collided in a messy derelict ramshackle of an apartment with sweat dripping down every single piece of dirty laundry, in which the sweat is coming from the rats inside the walls instead of the ghastly insane elderly woman who lives there with her ten cats, who is so moist and dry in old age she has lost the ability to sweat, cry or her favourite thing to do, spit on people. Hence, she’s criminally depressed and so am I after listening to this song, as it is so unbearable to the point where I’m flabbergasted at how this became a top 10 hit. Next!

#4

Wait a second... I don’t even know what “mi gente” means. Oh, it means “my people”? Talking about a group of people, here’s our first, last and only tie on the list, and it’s a doozy.

#4 – Yo Gotti  - “Rake it Up” featuring Nicki Minaj / Lil Uzi Vert - “XO Tour Llif3”

These are completely different songs, but they both represent the oversaturation of trap in their sleep-inducing beats, stupid, scatterbrain lyrics that show off every single rap cliché possible (I’ll go into detail some other time in a bonus list after this one) and a whole dose of bad vocal performances, most notably Lil Uzi Vert’s autotuned whining in “XO Tour Llif3”. At least they’re the only God-awful trap songs to be hits this year.

#4 – Kodak Black – “Tunnel Vision”

Oh, yeah, the song about racial profiling that also includes a lyric about or at least implying a reference to your rape charges... I think I know why they want you locked up, mate. While you’re there, we should also give you some basic English education, because anyone who thinks “iggin’” is a perfectly usable word, and that “winning”, “listen” and “iggin’” rhyme with “penitentiary” should probably start re-thinking if the school they went to did the best job they could. Well, at least Rae Sremmurd didn’t have a hit this year.

#4 – Ayo & Teo – “Rolex” / Rae Sremmurd – “Swang”

Two—two of them? We have two of them now?!

Hop out, drop-top, f **k y’all talkin’, I need it right now, right now

What’s with the falsettos this year? Did everyone forget how to sing in a higher pitch properly?

#4 – ZAYN and Taylor Swift – “I Don’t Wanna Live Forever (Fifty Shades Forever)”

Oh, so, that’s a yes, then? How about we just give hits to people who can’t sing at all?

#4 – Julia Michaels – “Issues”

I have issues with this song, but again, it’d be beating a dead horse with a sack of coal. At least it’s a woman who can’t sing this time... Girl power, I guess?

#4 – Halsey – “Now or Never”

Well, at least she can sing, I suppose. It’s just that this song is all over the place, like a bed that’s way too...

#4 – Migos – “Slippery” featuring Gucci Mane

Sorry, Gucc’. I love you, man, I really do, but you associate yourself with some of the worst singers, some of the least interesting rappers, and sometimes...

Two b****es so fine that I masturbated

...some of the worst yet still very interesting lyrics.

Yes, those are all my picks for #4. They are all as equally lazy and incompetent as each other.

#3

Now let’s move onto one song that is somehow worse than every single song in the last spot combined, mostly due to the annoyance of every single possible sound effect the producers crammed into it.

#3 – Hailee Steinfeld and Grey – “Starving” featuring Zedd

I didn’t know that I was starving ‘til I tasted you

Okay, a bit of a weird metaphor, but it adds some sensuality to it all so it gives the relationship some lip-biting romance, so that’s a decent line.

Don’t need no butterflies when you give me the whole damn zoo

Oh... never mind. Seriously, the concept of this line is okay on paper, but “the whole damn zoo” is so forced and downright nonsensical that it really takes me out of whatever sensuality, romance or even fun this line was supposed to be portraying. Butterflies aren’t even typically animals that are perceived as “zoo animals”; they’re found in zoos in those enclosures but that’s pretty much it. What were you going for here, five writers? Seriously, you had five writers, none of which are credited because of sampling or interpolation by the way, three of which being professional, two of which being Grey themselves, and none of those grown men and women could figure out any reason to why this line is incredibly corny, or have the gall to object it? Yes, most of this section has been about that lyric but what else is there to criticise other than that lyric and the drop, which is one of the weakest this year? I’ll pass.

#2

So what’s number #2? It can’t be as bad as that song.

#2 – Imagine Dragons – “Thunder”

...Then dishonourable mentions time it is!

Dishonourable Mentions

Ed Sheeran – “Shape of You”

This is in order of the Year-End and not my opinion because I just want to not talk about “Thunder” as easily and as long as I can. If the most popular song of the year is this terrible, it should be a bad sign, but 2017 is great, so I suppose there are exceptions.

Sam Hunt – “Body like a Back Road”

I’ve made a rule to never put country songs on any lists because I have a negative bias towards them; just never enjoyed the genre that much. Sorry.

James Arthur – “Say You Won’t Let Go”

Boring.

Kygo and Selena Gomez – “It Ain’t Me”

This drop just completely ruins the song.

Logic – “1-800-273-8255” featuring Alessia Cara and Khalid

Khalid saves this.

Who can relate? (whoo!)

Taylor Swift – “Look What You Made Me Do”

This has a really good pre-chorus. That’s about all my positives.

Machine Gun Kelly – “Bad Things” featuring Camila Cabello

“Havana” must have been a fluke.

Ariana Grande – “Side to Side” featuring Nicki Minaj

Wrist icicle, ride d**k bicycle / Come true, yo, get you this type of blow / If you wanna Minaj, I got a tricycle

D**k bicycle... okay, Nicki.

Shawn Mendes – “Mercy”

I suppose this has enough of a rock edge for me to forgive.

Some random teenage nobodies – “that Vine dance song (why do these still exist)”

Dead horse.

Katy Perry – “Chained to the Rhythm”

Are we tone-deaf?

Are you talking to the people who bought your album?

Jon Bellion – “All Time Low”

Out of all of their discography, I can’t believe “Jon Bellion” is the song that got big. “Weightless” is so much better.

Sam Smith – “Too Good at Goodbyes”

This is so perfect that it sickens me.

P!nk – “What About Us”

This is so non-descript that it sickens me.

Cheat Codes – “No Promises” featuring Demi Lovato

Whoever the guy is needs to input the singing codes. It’s D, O, O, R, left.

Shawn Mendes – “Treat You Better”

Ew.

Rita Ora – “Anywhere”

Oh, how I wish you crossed over.

The Chainsmokers – “Closer” featuring Halsey / Future – “Mask Off” / DJ Khaled – “I’m the One” featuring Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper and Lil Wayne

I’ve yet to decide if these songs are heaven-sent or hells spawn.

Now, let’s talk about the demon that is “Thunder”.

Thunder, feel the thunder

There are so many things about this song that make me want to shrivel up in the corner and rot. First of all, there’s the way-too-bouncy trap production for an otherwise triumphant song; it shouldn’t be this joyful and plucky. Those finger-snaps are so blatantly fake, and that synth sounds like literal yawning edited to sound like a chirping tone that just scratches the surface of unbearable. Dan Reynolds in general is an absolute plonker throughout the verses, with the vocal inflections of a Pez dispenser who just, for no reason, slides off into a spiral of autotuned murmuring in the first verse.

Just a young gun, with a quick fuse / I was uptight, wanna let loose / I was dreaming of bigger things / And wanna leave my whole life behind

The lyrics, by the way, are literally saying “I was into this band before you were cool”, which makes the second verse even more aggravating, especially due to the pitch-shifted vocal that appears on every single one of his terrible vocal inflections.

Kids were laughing in my classes / While I was scheming for the masses

Now I’m smiling from the stage while / You were clapping in the nosebleeds

The verses are terrible, but it’s not the worst part of this song, and neither is the next thing I’m going to bring up, but this is awful too.

You know how Kanye West manipulated samples so they’d sound kind of like a chipmunk? Well, Imagine Dragons do the same, however here, instead of a low-key soul-influenced hip hop track, it’s supposed to be a triumphant synth-pop victory lap, so this repetitious pitch-shifted nonsense is unfitting, unnecessary and unbearable. What are they repeating, you ask? The word “thunder”, which Dan does in the chorus as well. Hence, the word “thunder” is used approximately 78 times, excluding when only one syllable of the word is said (that happens a lot too). This song is just barely over three minutes, and there’s not many instrumental parts, apart from a certain section we’ll get to later. “Thunder” doesn’t have as much of an impact when it’s said nearly 80 times in your relatively short song, that was made for pop radio so of course it’s going to be played frequently.

There’s also that guitar solo... that pathetic wimpy guitar solo. There’s such a leap in hatred and lack of quality and redeemable moments from #3 to #2... what was #1? “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran? Well, I hate that song, but technically, it doesn’t count because it didn’t make the Year-End... screw it.

#10 – Cheat Codes – “No Promises” featuring Demi Lovato

Which means...

#1 – Imagine Dragons – “Thunder”

You happy, Dan? I’m officially jealous of you, like you wanted me to be. I’m envious of your success despite several attempts to make the radio play garbage – and not even the good kind like recyclable garbage or guilty-pleasure garbage, just plain, unadulterated crap worthy of no more attention. Congratu-freaking-lations. I’ll see you for the next episode of Reviewing the Charts or the next review or whatever, I don’t care. Goodbye. Hopefully next year is the same quality or even better than this year. So far it doesn’t seem to be even close.

Thun-thun-thunder, thunder.

Fan Fiction Quotes 2017:

"[Steve and Bucky] start a scholarship fund for Women in STEM students and name it after Peggy Carter"notes of ao3 ficyes!

"Maybe it was why he was failing so horribly now, he was too wrapped up in thinking to actually focus on the too-soft task that was quite literally at hand."Xpersonally relatable, overthinking

"He tries not to, but Steve gets that cold, sick feeling that he always gets, whenever somebody talks about him being attractive. He knows how he looks, and he can’t spend two minutes online without being reminded that the world is a big fan of the strong body and jaw that the serum gave him. He just wishes it didn’t feel so much like it’s because being scrawny and sick was some kind of aberration that had been corrected. That he wasn’t worth a dime of love or affection until he was Captain America."ch1while this might be a more extreme case, what are you supposed to do with being called beautiful? It's nice to hear but also confusing, there's more to me. "“Dracula,” Nat says simply, and heads for the elevator. Romania, then. -- “I’ll bring garlic!” Steve calls after her, and she sends him a smile over her shoulder."ch2amusing and playful. Made me smile "Tony Stark is a good person to cry in front of. He’ll only ever mock your strengths, not your weaknesses."[ch3]interesting characterization of Tony

"Ma'am, this is Steve Rogers. Yes ma'am, that one. I appear to have an unconscious HYDRA operative on my front stoop. Yes ma'am. Tied up with his own jacket. There is a gun, ma'am, but its barrel is currently at a 90-degree angle. I guess I need ... the FBI? No ma'am, I have no earthly idea."[X: ch9]funny, :) "chewing on the totally amazing future invention that is grilled cheese with egg and ham on it (seriously: why do these people still have wars)"[X:ch10]I've never tried egg on a grilled cheese... "Hey. Note: it is useful knowledge for living to have a list of things that are good no matter what."[X:ch20]good note. "His anger is a sound between his ears like a train. It is a tight band around his chest. It is hands that ache to do violence."[X:ch23]seems like good wording

"He started sketching Bucky out dancing, spinning a dame around with a huge grin plastered on his mug. He penciled in a big ol’ bow on the back of her dress like she was the best present a guy could want. But the picture was still all about Bucky. The crinkles around his eyes, staring Steve down with a challenge for him to get out there and have a whirl. Steve could hear Bucky’s laugh now."[X]pretty picture "Steve was a furnace built of muscle and good intentions, held together with a Brooklyn drawl and a heap of sass. "[X]lol

"It's not that different from close quarters fighting, really," she told him. "Think of it like you're trying to block me from getting past you, but do it to the beat. Stay loose and ready to move in any direction."[X]found because I liked some of the authors other works and the Fandom. I don't have any experience with fighting and little with dancing but it would make sense from the grace of good fight scenes in movies and tv. "I need to be able to trust anyone I'd want to go to bed with, not necessarily be in love with them."[X]interesting idea...

"A son’s faith in his father is absolute when he is small; especially when that father is the only parent the boy has"[ch7]part of growing up is learning and accepting that your parents are wrong, and sometimes it takes someone special to tell you

"Badass by day, adorably snuggling our nightmares away by night."[X]stumbled along this because of another post and tumblr's check out other posts feature. . .

"The Hulk is part of you, but he's not all of you. We know that,"[X]a reread, i don't think I pulled this quote our last time. Reread because of another quote [quote art]

"Reviewing what he knew of both [Peggy and Nat], Bucky wondered for a moment if he should be afraid, but figured that they would both take a 'firm, but fair' attitude when they ruled the world."[ch2]believable "Sorry. Just.” Bucky let go, but made Steve meet his eyes. “Fuck, I'm sorry, I'm not nagging, honestly.” -- “He cares about you, Steve, and is telling you so,” Peggy said. “Accept it like the fucking adult you are.” -- “I have cartoon pajamas, I am not an adult,” Steve informed her. "[ch4]the bold could have been a quote on its own, but on a more serious note I wanted the rest of the conversation... "Do you have any idea what it's like to be married to the angriest saint in the world?"[ch 10]amusing... "He's good and giving and kind, and sometimes he doesn't feel well and is under the impression that it cancels out everything else."[ch10]I relate, it can be hard when you're frustrated and angry with yourself "“Have fun,” Peggy said, and physically shoved him away from Steve and out the door, because she was very helpful like that."[ch12]yeah, I've had a few moments like that... "“I don't not enjoy having you here,” Steve said, pushing up on one elbow. “Bucky, don't ever think that. It's more like...I can't feel anything. Like I go numb, and don't care. And that mixes with sadness, sometimes,” he admitted. “But mostly it's just...dull. And awful. But I still know that someone loves me and is here and cares.”"[ch16]ponder Same series "Bite your tongue. There are so many ways to love people, and you got to do them all today,” Bucky pointed out. “It's a perfect Valentine's Day. One love isn't better than the other, and it shouldn't be given priority.”"[X]interesting point, Valentine's day really doesn't have to be about couples/romantic relationships, but all types of important relationships! Same Series "there's a middle ground between throwing a fit and being completely determined to not bleed on anyone else,” "[ch1]But finding that middle ground can be difficult. I also feel Steve's response when Bucky said that Steve had a "shit day": "Plenty of people have had worse days,”

"“Bucky you’re having a panic attack and I need you to listen to me. I need you to breathe. Focus on me okay? Focus on me and try to breathe with me.”"[part5]handling a panic attack. Sometimes it can be hard to accept the help remembering to breathe, like I messed up and don't deserve it. "Felt the need to explain himself more, as though acting without talking through it first was dangerous"[part+1]kinda get this for different reasons?

"Anytime [Bucky] managed to scrape together enough money after all the bills, he dragged Steve to the latest exhibit, marveling over everything. Steve, tending to look at things through a more artistic gaze, gaped at the beauty of science and Bucky’s child-like enthusiasm."[X]I'm not sure which one I'm more like. "Getting his overactive mind to shut the fuck up is a work in progress."[X]yeah, I know the feeling "as if [Bucky]’s the sunshine to cut through Steve’s rain."[X]just really nice turn of phrase "“You’re thinking too hard.” A whisper. A life boat to which Steve shamelessly clings to."[X]isn't it nice to let yourself do that? "I love spending time with you. I don’t regret a single second of it. I don’t need my space. But a relationship is between equals, Steve. After everything that happened, I needed to find myself apart from you, like you have. We needed to get back on the same page"[X]maybe. Standing on your own doesn't necessarily mean space. I will need to work on that some day, reaching out and making my own place.

"But this means showing emotion or allowing himself to feel. It means overwhelming himself, easily. It means not being able to convey everything he’s feeling ending in frustration ending in doubt, leading to locking himself up in a room. He hates it."[X]comments

"The Winter Soldier," Stark repeats. "Freezer Burn, the Russian Mob. Ice Ice Baby. Sid Vicious, the White Russian, Psychosicle, MC Hammer and Sickle--"[X]I like the variety of nicknames, quite a few I haven't seen before.

"Wow," the man says, without introducing himself. "Guess they did freeze at the peak of freshness"[ch11]lol, very Tony like

"Yes, okay, so you’re Bucky Barnes and you’re President Barnes’ son and that holds a lot of weight. But you could have chosen not to go. You could have said that it wasn’t your problem and just stayed home. But you went, and you talked to those people and you inspired them and you showed them solidarity. That was all you, and that counts. No matter what you think, that counts."[ch4]choosing to try to make a difference, no matter how seemingly small , can be very important "I’m the only person who ever gives it to you straight. Which is ironic seeing you’re as straight as a paperclip!"[ch16]not straight jokes are kinda amusing. I'm not sure if that's problematic or not... P.S. once I finished the fic I realized how much I liked Aunt Helen!

"He's an adult, you can't trust him to do the job correctly."[ch12]this fic is also in my fic rec. These kids are hilarious! "Not really much to tell." He shrugged. "Best friend. Prat. Housemate. Sometimes co-parent, sometimes yet another child to look after. That sums everything up perfectly."[ch12]amusing

"Hlupak—Czech word for "idiot". I have arbitrarily decided that Czech and Sokovian share some vocabulary, including insults. It is also my headcanon that hlupak was something Wanda called Pietro a LOT."[ch1:end chapter notes]lol

"wondering whether the total inability to sleep is a side effect of the serum or a side effect of his life."[X]sounds like a conundrum ""I know my brother. He would never be happy without somewhere to run.""[X] "You'd be smarter to stay out of this," Steve warns. -- "I don't believe intelligence was mentioned in the orientation packet." -- "That's 'cause we're all idiots. I don't want you to lose your home, Wanda. "[X]yupI wish there was more.

"As much as you can,” he said, “stay in the eye."[X]odd little fic but not bad

"Right. Does that mean Iron Man's gonna come get you?" -- "Captain America—actually." Purple Shirt groans as he tries to sit up. "He—worries too much. "[X]that sounds likely :) "You carried an orphaned kitten around in your jacket for like a week. You want me to be scared of you? Try harder."[X]cute

"Faint gamma signature, uncomfortably familiar shade of mindfuck blue, localized weirdness... You know, I really hate portals. Have I mentioned how much I hate portals?"[X]the bold bit was particularly amusing, in the laugh in order to not be negative way "Scientist wrangler and pop-culture expert," Darcy interrupted cheerfully."[X]nice intro for Darcy! "Think about it. My lady love, your lady love, every terrifying woman they know, bonding...""[X]Peggy, Pepper, Nat, Jane, Darcy, Maria, Kate maybe others... "Sam was wearing his you're being stupid right now face"[X]most characterizations of him he does this enough it's a know thing "Frank Sinatra launched into a jazzy rendition of "I'll Be Seeing You," the opening number of Darcy's "Old People" playlist. "[X]of course Darcy has an "Old People" playlist. Followed by: Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy; You'd Be So Nice To Come Home To by Dinah Shore more from the comments: "The Trolley Song" (because Darcy is terrible), and ends with Vera Lynn singing "We'll Meet Again." "So they were there like gentlemen, waiting on the sidelines and holding Peggy's flower while she kicked that Bad Week's ass."[X]a quote from the comments; I like it for the facing hardships motto... "The archer plays Cupid!"[X]more from the comments

*brendaonao3.tumblr.com: Brenda’s Long-Ass Under-Appreciated Fanfics Appreciation/Rec Post Part 1*

"he hated making Bucky worry for no good reason, mostly because of how often he made Bucky worry with reason"[X]not really sure how I feel about it, characters seem good but I'm not sure I feel the chemistry?

"Iron Man pinned to the ground, held down by Alice and the White Rabbit while the Mad Hatter bashed at his helmet with a teacup"[X]very amusing and I should draw. Statues.(Also, later:"That's a big whale")

"Yeah, real handsome. All the dolls will be swooning.” Bucky winked, and it was easy as anything to reply, “There's only one doll whose swoon I want, sweetheart"[X]goofy and fun, I like it "younger man hunched in a similar manner over his book, sitting crosslegged on Steve's bed. Steve remembered glancing up from his sketch of something unimportant at the same time as Bucky looked up, and their eyes met, and they leaned across the bed toward each other. When they kissed, their bodies formed an arch over the bedspread, like the ceiling of a cathedral. Then they went back to what they'd been doing"[X]nice imagery

"Sometimes, even with all of the positive developments - or maybe partly because of them, who knows - it all gets to be a bit much for Steve, which makes him feel guilty, because it’s not like he’s the one who’s working through seven decades of manipulation and brutality"[X]relatable, the "why should I be the stressed one?"(note: talking heads song this fic, Bruce) "such as interrupting one of Tony’s endless attempts to impress him with Midgardian science by saying, “Truly a valiant effort, my friend” and patting Tony on the head), "[X]amusing, I bet Tony has an opinion on that, not sure what though [Steve]"Are you judging me right now?" [Sam]“Not at the moment, no. But I reserve the right to do so at a later date, depending on what your dumb ass comes up with next" [Steve]"Fair enough"[X]comments

"Anytime Bucky gets in the elevator alone, JARVIS talks to him the whole time."[X]awww

" would wrinkle his nose, not because of the smell as much as what the smell meant"[X]personal reasons: yeah I don't like the smell but I'd never thought about it before until I learned of the part it played between my parents...I like this fic center

"Because I don’t understand,” he admits at last. “You’re--good. Everything about you is good. If anyone can see the truth about me, it should be you. I want to understand what you see in me so that I can try to be good again too" It feels ridiculous, having said the words aloud. [X]same paragraph as the next quote "He has a fleeting half-thought about what it would be like to fling himself off the rooftop, but he knows he never actually will."[X]...not actually suicidal?

"Guilt or croutons, Steve, those are your choices. You'll just have to live with it."[X]I feel you Steve

"The Winter Soldier reads each and every label carefully, deciding between hydrocodone and acetaminophen and naproxen sodium."[X]*whine* the first one is more heavy duty than the other two (Tylenol and Aleeve)

"He could simply read the title off the book, but he loves the way Bucky’s eyes light up when he gets to tell Steve about whatever he’s reading."[X]this is sweet, and the answer is amusing "Figures. You love the man who sings about the little people. That’s so you."[X]I like the music section that follows this quote...

"He lets it sit on his tongue, imagines he can feel it dissolve into fats and proteins, weaving together to build muscle or stoking the fires of his mitochondria, warming him."[X]meditative idea??

"A good spy never let on that his primary observations about the human character came from Disney films"[X]lol "The human version of toast that lands butter side down, every time,"[X]wow, what a way to describe Clint Barton!

"He craves [human closeness], Bucky knows, reveres it so much that he’ll never take it for granted, that he rarely dares to ask for it"[X]relatable

"Genuine kicker of all Nazi ass, and he blushed like a schoolgirl. Dork."[X]comments

"He's not so stupid he'll ignore the fact that when Steven "My Blood Group is Apple Pie" Rogers threatens to end you, he means it literally literally."[X]not actually from the fic rec but this one inspired one on the fic rec... "hobo-sex-kitten "[X]uhm, where else can that even be applied. Tony narration can be unique

"‘I’m Bucky Barnes.’ He meets him halfway for a second. ‘And I take my own orders.’"[X]this line just stuck me

"Explain how necking with an estranged assassin is a favor," Bucky replies, miffed."[X]this fic, the story game?

"Ah, shit, you came in through the window didn’t you?"[X]made me laugh

"Being Iron Man doesn't make his brain shut up, exactly, but it tunes out the shit that doesn't matter better than anything else he's tried, and he's tried everything.)"[X]makes me think about my boyfriend explaining how SCA fighting or shooting at a gun range are for him.

*pause on the fic rec, I'll get back to reading it later

"Look man, all I’m saying is that for years you gave me someone to look up to for my entire life. ....You gave me someone to look to when I was feeling lost. I know that I’m nothing special, but you seem pretty lost right now. Figured you needed a little push, just like you used to give me."[X]Steve and Violet pt5, Tumblr fic

"More than once, James has ended up on the couch with Sam playing with his hair with a nature documentary on mute. He does the narration. Orcas are assholes"[X]found because of unclesteeb.tumblr.com

"When Steve thinks about Sam his heart does this funny thing where it feels like it’s overrun with kittens and puppies. Everything’s tiny patters of fluffy feet and pastel sugar plums made of candy. "[X]again, unclesteeb

"It's always the middle of winter, Jimmy never dreams of spring, no matter that his entire life is about being reborn, again and again -"[X]nice symbolism, and I'm not even a literary nerd. Also, from the fic rec from before...

"It's like he puts out some super pheromone that makes one believe in truth, goodness, and harebrained schemes."[ch1]I read the original story previously because of a fan art "Confirm. Green thing Hulk is tough and focused. And it's so big that it draws attention away from Steve"[ch1]amusing,particularly Steve's reaction :) "Building is a mission-assist for everyone."[X]awww/lol "One day at a time, Sam says, unless it takes one minute at a time, and then you do that."[ch7]good advice from Sam, of course Just all of chapter 8! "It's rude to assign gender without asking, Stark."[ch9]response to Tony arbitrarily tendering one of his bots (admittedly he does it to annoy Tony but...) "Barnes receives a majestic eyeroll, worthy of bald eagles and amber waves of grain."[ch11]amusing "Assists in your mission to live a good human life"[ch11]awww! Cuteness, I love this AU at Halloween time!

"and sits crammed into the corners of sofas, staring out."[X]same Series as previous set. I relate. Is it "a desire for human hugs" (blame Frozen for the phrasing) "America's mighty chin of stubbornness juts out like Plymouth Rock."[X]lol "Captain Fret wearing his worried expression"[X]yup

"All of the Bucky/Banner introductions, throughout the universes, have generally gone as well as two introverted weapons of mass destruction meeting could go."[ch6]was inspired by the last one

"I get lost in that feeling. Sometimes I need to rehash everything to get it all back in order in my head."[X]relatable I think from this fic rec

"I know that we– well, I –the last few times we’ve tried to, um, God why can’t I just say this out loud?"[X]because your normal Bucky. A lot of people feel that way, we shouldn't have to but it's not weird to! (Mini soap box)

"He’d found not one, but two, families in his long lifetime. People he cared about not because he had to, not because they shared any blood ties, but because they had come into his life when he felt like he had nothing else, and made it better."[X]the importance of any type of family!

"Steve quirked an eyebrow, putting his hands on his hips in his best ‘Captain America does not approve of your sass’ pose."[ch1]reminds me of doing the same with my boyfriend. "It’s just- I know it doesn’t look like much but we found it together. Yeah, it’s kind of old and beat up, and it’s little and broken but it’s still good. Yeah, still good."[ch2]yes, that probably does sound familiar! Disney!

"The Moon is a protector, Bucky. He’s bruised." Steve gives his fingers a squeeze, remembering a similar look on Peggy’s face once upon a time, when he stood in front of her with a broken transponder in his hand. “When I found someone worth flirting with."[X]awww, smile

"not his tiny blond ball of fury (whom he now remembers is a large blond ball of righteous fury),"[post]from the linked post, inspired this fic

"[Being surly to Captain America] It's like being nasty to Superman. He could do it, but he'd just feel like shit afterwards. It's not an experience he's eager to repeat."[X]amusing, means he's done that before...

""Yes, Pepper," they chorus like the good little schoolboys they might have been, once upon a time"[X]lol

"The next time he visited the pediatric ward at New York-Presbyterian, he brought a ton of socks and some puffy paint, so the kids could paint their own. The project was a hit with parents and internet knitters alike."[X]awww!! "Avengers Stitch and Bitch. "[X]comments

"he still has bad days where he sits in the dark by himself because the thought of being around anyone--even Steve--is like jackhammers in his skull and shattered glass under his skin. "[X]not nearly that bad for me, but I kinda get that "refrigerator with a magnet that looks like his shield."[X]cute. Near the end.

"the one who doesn't laugh as much or as loud as he used to, but whose eyes still crinkle in genuine humor at stupid puns and in wonder at some of the marvels of this modern age."[X]quiet emotion, not a lack of sense of humor

"This whole talking about our feelings like adults thing is hard. It made me hungry again. Didn't it make you hungry again?"[X]amusing, don't love the pairing 'cause I only know one of them and I really like him with Steve - though I've liked others

"he doesn't have anything left but a broken heart and some sourdough starter"[X]I've now seen a fair amount of Great British Baking Show " (Sure, the therapy sessions and the anti-anxiety drugs are helping too, but Steve's always been a big believer in the efficacy of hard work and good food for making a person feel better after their world's been turned upside down, and the bakery provides both in spades.)"[X]any combination of methods that helps

"You're going out with Barton. What makes you think you're in any way qualified to give me relationship advice?"[X]amusing deflection banter

"Bucky, you've always needed Steve and me to see the light in you, because you could never see it in yourself. That hasn't changed."[X]Peggy bring the truth...

"Hey! It’s dumb heroic shit. I don’t do stupid, unless there’s a reason for it."[X]yup, sounds like him "Barnes and Rogers, Brooklyn’s own troublemakers."[X]again, yup

"Never felt right pursing any selfish whims when there was so much injustice in the world, so many wrongs begging to be righted."[X]Bucky. Pirate AU. I really like the art - which is how I found it

"Steve gets to sleep in the middle and Clark and Buck equally love and fear his toes. His body radiates heat, but his damn toes are always cold and what the shit??? He’s so warm and yet?? Why just the toes?!"[X]Tumblr head cannon for Steve, Bucky and Clark Kent. I know cold toes!

"He does [sex] more for the happiness and emotional connectivity and that natural high of pleasing the ones he loves the most."[X]Tumblr head cannon for Steve, Bucky and Clark Kent.

"He’d never even told her he was pansexual (he figured he wasn’t bi because that could potentially discount aliens and since humans are technically “not him” he figured pan made sense). He’s spent a lot of time in the shower thinking about his sexual identity to be honest."[X]again the wibtersupercap head cannons. Lol. Even if the rest isn't really my thing at all

"Sex is so very complicated to him. He wants it, he doesn’t want it. It feels good…he’s never in the mood. He wants physical contact…he doesn’t want that much…but yeah sometimes he does? He’s all very confused about himself. "[X]MORE head cannon stuff. Almost done, over halfway. Even not identifying as ace I get this. Relatable, personal .

"Kal could totally be an indicator of “Hey I need attention, love me plz.” "[X]more head cannon stuff, almost done.

"They feel alone in the world, walking beside people who don’t really belong to them but are there all the same."[X]they being Steve Rogers and Clark Kent - so on point!

"I have all this pent up emotion and nowhere to put it, and my boys are beautifully conveying and taking out their motions while I put my fist through the bathroom mirror."[X]ahhh.

"Steve's stomach gurgles noisily and Bucky laughs. "If I could move right now, I'd make you pancakes, but it's going to have to wait until morning.""[X]sex burns calories

"alfred ['s Tumblr]: guns and sometimes miniature cakes"[X]comments

"He wants to live on steamed dumplings from now on."[X]I'm with you Barnes, they are good! "He wakes up early in the morning blanketed by the full-size chest of Captain America. Talk about purple mountains' majesty."[X]lol

"Steve sleeps in the day when he isn’t out and then he’s up all night, up all night long, finding something to do, jogging, TV, sitting at the window, all night, all night."[X]yeah, depression

"Steve hops up on the washing machine, swinging his legs – they’re only a couple scant inches off the ground, but he likes doing it"[X]relatable

"the tired face of Bruce Banner overlayed with that of the Hulk"[X: story 2]imagery. Draw. "Steve from Brooklyn was still there since Bucky could see him. He didn't need any other assurance."[X: story 3]comments

"well, i say bopped–it was the sort of wild swing you take with a frypan when someone startles you in the kitchen."[X]hilarious

"led by the bastard child of paul bunyan and lady liberty"[X]what a way to describe Captain America

"Okay, guys, fair warning, this is gonna get pretty meta pretty fast. Because you know that I love Cap-spotting as much as the next person, and this comm is literally one of the most uplifting places on the internet right now, because it’s first and foremost about human connection and how heroes really are just like us, and they go out to get Chipotle or whatever, and we desperately need that in this shit show that’s called our lives, especially after what happened in NYC."[ch1]okay, this makes sense, though privacy should also be a thing... Maybe there's not pictures? Then the continuation! "[stan the smithsonian guard] also got a photo out of this, and the opportunity to tell cap that his older brother fought in the 107th during the war and knew bucky barnes. cap apparently got a little choked up. can’t blame him."[ch3]poor guard on duty when Cap took back his uniform... Stan even gets cameos in fics "and i heard pepper potts might have implied a thing or two right after it turned out bucky was alive, and even the paps are scared shitless of that woman. AS THEY VERY WELL SHOULD BE."[ch3]oh the things that could get done if Peggy and Pepper were in the same time! "Other auctioned “items” include a self-defense lesson with Natasha Romanoff, archery practice with Clint Barton and Kate Bishop, and a day in a lab with Tony Stark, and they will all be donated by the happy winners to the beneficiaries of the Youth Program at the Potts Foundation."[ch3]YEEEEES! "And it was nice to see that you can come back from something like this, maybe not whole, but at least not completely shattered, you know. Reassuring. "[ch3]motivational "We don’t want Captain America, the hero who’s supposed to represent the majority of Americans, to be someone we can’t identify with at all because of the lifestyle he chooses."[ch3]a haters comment. Me: so the majority of Americans can't relate to following one's heart toward happiness?!

"It’s been nice to have people around him he can indulge skin hunger with as much as his libido."[X]a friwnds Tumblr. I'm not sure (or maybe I just don't have the energy to analyse it) why this quote stood out to me...

"Sure, he didn't need glasses, and sure, they were practically useless, but they were badass. Plus they made the world look purple"[X]not overall relevant but a cute warming read "Natasha winds up throwing Clint down the garbage chute and if that's not some kind of metaphor for Clint's life he doesn't know what is."[X]lol!

"Put on one of these obnoxious Christmas monstrosities that Tony has decided to inflict on us and get up to the main floor, because when I say that Santa has been, man has he been."[X]comments "Nope, it’s 9am. That is not too early. It’s Christmas, stop being such a Russian humbug and get up."[X]little 3+1 Christmas fic