#and this genuinely helps a lot cause I keep doubting myself
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Identity(V) Headcanons: Naib Subedar
yall know the drill ;) If you like how I write the characters, consider sending me a request or matchup!
I also don't really have the patience to sit on my posts for a few days and check for mistakes, so forgive my typos hahah
-Naib got into his line of work out of necessity, not desire. He has never enjoyed taking lives…but he is both very good at it and very professional about it. He’s survived so long, in part, by being good at compartmentalizing his emotions. Work is work, and life outside is not, and he’s somehow managed to separate the two without separating his mental state. Nevertheless, he’s a very different person when he’s on the job and he would prefer that his loved ones didn’t see that.
-Outside of work, Naib shares Norton’s sentiments of all life being created equal. Unlike Norton, however, he uses this as a motivation to protect people rather than concern himself with revenge. That’s not to say he won’t step in if someone is out of line, but he is primarily focused on contributing good to the world in his free time.
-That said, Naib’s moral compass has become a bit warped over the years. He does his best to be a good person, but at a certain point someone can have so much blood on them that it starts to color their vision. The opposite of rose-colored glasses, if you will. He is, however, an accurate and consistent judge of character, so he often thinks about his course-of-actions in the frame of ‘would my mother be proud of me for this?’ That helps a lot with any difficult decisions.
-Naib “gets along” with most people. Being rough around the edges as he is sometimes makes it difficult for people to tell where they stand with him, but in truth he’s very vocal when he doesn’t like someone. It generally takes someone intentionally and repeatedly antagonizing him before he starts to develop a negative opinion. Otherwise, he maintains politeness.
-He is very slow to let people in, however. Naib’s life is dangerous and fleeting, so even when he likes someone he’s hesitant to get close to them. Outside of the manor, he’s a genuine slow-burn sort. A real “we’ve known one another for years and I’ve liked you for almost as long but I wont let myself have you until it’s entirely too much to take and I initiate an explosive night of passion” sort. Inside the manor, though, I think it’s more of a “we take comfort where we can get it, and then it slowly becomes real” sort of thing.
-Used to being the man of the house, Naib has a habit of trying to speak on behalf of or otherwise handle people’s problems for them. Again, he’s a good judge of character, so he’s pretty accurate in gauging how people would want situations handled…but this can still cause tension with friends and partners who are more independent. And if you talk to him about wanting to handle something yourself? There’s a non-zero chance he’ll go behind your back and take care of it anyway.
-The best love languages for Naib are Gift Giving and Words of Affirmation! He likes receiving thoughtful gifts—specifically ones that help in his everyday life, or resolve an issue he’s having. (Even if that issue is just “I’m hungry” and you pick up some of his favorite snacks.) He also likes little trinkets that he can easily carry around to remind him of the giver when he travels. Naib also tends to give kind words the benefit of the doubt, so he accepts verbal affection without argument or doubt. Everything he does is for his loved ones, and he likes to know that he’s appreciated, loved, and missed when he’s gone. Letters are amazing too; he keeps every letter and picture he receives and treats them with as much care as possible.
-Naib could not be close with someone who has a problem with his work. He understands why they would, he himself is rather tired of it.... But he’s been doing this for too long and is in too deep to leave. He and his mother cannot afford for him to quit being a mercenary and take the time to try learning some other skill that may or may not keep food on the table as consistently. You don’t have to like his work, but it can’t be something you hound him about. If you don’t talk about it, neither will he, and you can both just pretend it doesn’t happen.
-He’s a walking garbage can. I mean it, he can and will eat anything provided to him. He has preferences of course, but after years of food insecurity and then subsequent years of service-provided meals, he’s learned to not be picky. He also never outgrew the habit of rationing and hiding food in case of emergencies, and is an avid believer in the 5-second rule because he dislikes wasting food.
-Because he eats so much--and in spite of having irregular sleep patterns—Naib always has a lot of energy. This is useful for work and matches but also shows itself in other ways…such as being a very animated conversationalist. (per the stageplay lol) It’s only obvious when he’s moderately comfortable, but Naib might legitimately be incapable of sitting still when he’s not on guard.
-He’s pretty bad at making jokes. His sense of humor came from his years in the service, surrounded by brothers-in-arms. As a result, his idea of good-natured joking is completely ragging on people. Norton is the main person in the manor who gets this, but it leaves most other people to wonder if they’re actually friends or if they hate one another.
#idv x reader#identity v#naib subedar#idv mercenary#naib subedar x reader#turbulentscrawl#identity v x reader
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you probably won’t answer this and rightly so but idk what’s wrong or holding me back cause i always get symptoms, i know the next thing is for me to enter and i don’t. I obviously won’t be giving up but i see such great success stories (mostly your anons) about how they persisted and entered and i continue to persist but it doesn’t happen and idk why. I have worked out my doubts and fears and i genuinely know nothing is holding me back.
I am not dwelling in this negativity of me not entering but i guess the reason why i am sending this to you is because i want to know if i’m missing something? i promise you i’m good (no negative self talk) i worked so hard to be at this stage, but just confused about what’s not clicking
Here’s what i do:
relax my bod, stay still
listen to a sub while taking deep breaths, i affirm
i try to keep my mind focused on just the affirmations and breathing
i get symptoms
i know, i really believe i’ll tap in and continue to do what i’m doing
but i don’t enter
(i try to do the theta method where i visualise myself in water and space but can’t continue to do it for long because it does the opposite of relax for me?)
if you end up answering, i appreciate it a lot! thank you maya!! hope you’re having a good day!
Hi love! I get a lot of asks like this or very similar ones, and I really can't tell you what you are supposedly doing right or wrong because I’m not there, and I’m not you. And to be real, you might not even be doing anything wrong in the first place.
From what you've shared, it sounds like you're already doing a lot of things right. You're listening to subs, focusing on your affirmations and breathing, and you've even attempted the theta method (though I understand if it doesn't work for everyone).
I’m sure you already know if you’re this far, but the law always emphasizes the importance of feeling natural about your desired state. If you're constantly aware that you're trying to manifest something, it might create a sense of separation between you and your desired state. Instead, try to assume a state of already having what you want. Feel it to be natural. Live in the end. That’s what my experience was at least.
Regardless there are a plethora of methods out there that exist to help you on your journey. Each one is unique and tailored to address different issues that you might be facing. So, if you think you have a problem, rest assured there's a method where that issue won't exist.
Maybe you're too focused on symptoms, which, by the way, are just your body falling asleep. They're not an external sign pointing to something else. While it's a good thing that your body is relaxing and preparing for sleep, remember that your goal is to detach from your physical body. Try affirming "I am not my body, and symptoms don't affect me" while you experience these symptoms.
Visualization can also be a helpful tool like you said. If imagining yourself floating in space and being sucked into the void visualization doesn't work for you, try a different scene. Maybe it's the mountain tops, or maybe it's being comforted in bed with someone you find safe. The key is to tailor the visualization to what makes you feel comfortable and relaxed.
If awake methods are too distracting for you, it’s fine. There are plenty of sleep methods available. These methods focus on using the state between wakefulness and sleep (like the hypnagogic state) to shift your awareness. They can be less intense and easier to practice than awake methods.
And if you're looking for something more unconventional, there are other methods out there. I recently posted about a reverse psychology method, and there are more in my masterlist. Plus, @gorgeouslypink discusses many different void methods that tackle a variety of issues.
In your journey, the answer you're seeking will always lie within yourself. It's about understanding your own rhythms, your own energy, and your own paths to relaxation and manifestation.
Start by writing down what works best for you. What practices make you feel the most relaxed? Is it a specific method or a combination of several? Maybe it doesn’t even exist but doing that particular thing helps you. Or, at this point, is it just setting an intention and letting yourself do your own thing, knowing that what you desire is already yours?
You are the best judge of what works for you. I can guide you, provide suggestions, and share different methods, but ultimately, you are the one who knows what feels right.
Maybe Instead of trying to force the method in your next attempt to reach the void, ask yourself what you think you should be doing.
Trust your intuition. It's always with you and can guide you towards your desired state. calming your mind and living in the present moment will always help. At any point you can tap into your subconscious mind, where all your answers lie.
So, pay attention to your inner voice. It's always speaking, always guiding. Even when you're not actively seeking answers, it's there, speaking with you.
Also, if you’re “knowing” the same way you knew I wouldn’t answer this ask even though I am, that might also be your issue. Thinking and knowing are different things. If you’re telling and convincing yourself you’re going to tap into the void while also in your mind knowing you won’t at the same time, you’re better off attempting with an altered state of consciousness like a hypnagogia or SP.
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Hey, I wanna say i really really like the way you write fics. It feels??? Natural?? To read it?? Always an adventure everytime I read a fic of yours.
How do you write so good?? I'm a writer as well and I'd love to hear your tips and tricks ^^
First of all, I wanna thank you for liking the crap stuff I write. (Cause I'm genuinely amazed some times that people just like it and I'm not saying this because.)
⚠️⚠️LONG AND POSSIBLE CONTROVERSIAL ANSWER AHEAD ⚠️⚠️
It's kinda funny, ngl. Lemme tell you something, I don't know if you guys struggle with Impostor Syndrome a lot like me, but everytime someone gives a compliment like this my brain just goes into self sabotaging mode.
In the outside its :
But in the inside, my brain immediately goes:
Cause I'm aware that I can do better. (And we will ~) it's weird. I'm always striving to do better.
As for the tips and tricks, I'm surely not the right person to ask advice from 😅, but Imma just tell you this from what I experience and from my perspective (Hopefully won't get backlash from this, if not, R. I. P. me jsksj) Be warned though, it's kinda contradictory cause writing is hard yo!
1. You gotta read. Either books or whatever your favorite genre is, but you gotta read. I consume fan fics and non fanfics cause you learn from other people too. I read fanfics mostly to know new words, how the character develops and the like.
I read more spanish stuff than anything. Which I try to transfer to what I write.
2. I try to keep it as simple as possible. With that I mean to not over embellish words cause it gets boring and weird. Sure, everyone wants to make their fanfics pretty (nothing wrong in that) but sometimes I feel that less is more. Like, nothing wrong if you wanna poet the f- out of your fic. (THIS IS A DOUBLE EDGED ONE SO BE CAREFUL!!)
I mean there is a huge difference in reading:
"The anger and frustration on her way of living was taking a toll on her mind"
and:
"Her nemesism had muddled her mind into an endless spiral of what ifs and what not, and frankly if her mind could speak, it'd beg for a break."
It's hard to pick one style, but as long as you keep it consistent, I guess it's all good (?) (Funny cause I always aim for the second one and end up in the first jsksj and I dont even know myself if I'm keeping it consistent)
3. Get yourself a beta reader that doesn't coddle you. It helps alot!!!! Cause again, compliments sure are nice, but they don't tell you where you could get better. ✨( Unless the reader provides puntual feedback on what they liked and what not. Those are my favorites and a rare gem ❤️)
4. I know this one is hard because everyone at some point have done this. But IF YOU COMPARE yourself to other writers? You'll lose yourself. Not only you'll lose motivation cause you seem unable to write like them, but you will fall into this... vicious circle of self deprecating and burnout. And the self doubt sky rockets nonstop.
Everyone is different. Everyone learns in a different pace. Trust me, I wanted to make great stories with a good looking writing when I had the slightest idea of what I was doing (Still do!) 😂. Writing fanfics is not a competition to who writes more beautiful/good/professional than others. Or who has more notes or the most canon-stuck character, or the cause let's face it, none will get a character's personality to a 100%!!! (And that's ok cause it's fanfiction and we all have a different approach to the character either emotional or mental) .
Personally for me, the cockyest thing someone can do is to claim to know a character more than the creators themselves. Kinda rude for me, if you ask . Like, sure feeling a deep connection with a character doesn't mean it'll grant us instant access to their whole self. Characters just like us evolve. Either for the good or the bad, but they don't remain the same, so knowing them completely is a big fat lie. Unless stated by the creator. (But we're delusional in this site, so~)
I mean, sure characterization is something we all struggle since we guide ourselves by some of the character's most prominent traits and make them their default personality. (I've sinned in this jsksj so don't worry)
5. HAVE FUN AND TAKE BREAKS. I mean it. The favorite things I've written is where Im genuinely having fun writing it. But also after a well deserved rest. Cause if something doesn't feel right, it won't be right. And burnout is easier to get at than we actually think.
6. I recently started to follow writing advice blogs, one of my favorite @heywriters.
@she-who-fights-and-writes. (They have amazing writing resources, so does Pinterest and YouTube. Seize them!!!)
But yeah, I'm still an amateur on this, I make emphasis in the 5th one tho.
Hope this helps you? ;w;.
Love you❤️✨
Thanks for stopping by. ❤️
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hey. gnarly gender stuff below. wouldn’t recommend reading if you are triggered by gender doubt, detransition, sexuality, negative body talk, and surgical malfeasance. oh and also light gore. sorry it’s going to get kind of weird
so I’ve been quietly stepping away from id’ing as trans for a while now. which is a subject that probably needs its own post, all things considered. but there’s one aspect of my (de)transition that is causing an enormous amount of stress in my life, and I’m genuinely not sure how to handle it. so I figured blabbing about it here might help me get some clarity.
anyways. let’s talk titties.
my first top surgery in 2022 was botched. dog ears, massive janky nipples, bizarre incision site choices - it was a whole deal. I got a revision last year (from the same surgeon lmao) that fixed a lot of things, but unfortunately it made other problems significantly worse. So while aesthetically things are much better than they used to be, I still consider myself to be botched. I haven’t taken my top off in public since it happened, and I don’t see myself doing so any time soon.
For a long time, I assumed that this was my only problem; some asshole small town doctor had messed up my results, and now I felt uncomfortable in my body. But it slowly began to dawn on me that things were more complicated than that. Because when I imagined myself being intimate with someone with perfect, stellar top surgery results…I still felt horrible. To the point where, even with nipple prosthetics, I haven’t felt comfortable enough to have sex since my revision 9 months ago.
So now we get into the crux of the problem. Which is this - I do not feel desireable without breasts. Not to myself, and not to others. And to be honest, I knew this would be a problem even before I got the surgery, but I went through with it anyways. Because desireability is small potatoes when it comes to the horrors of gender dysphoria, right? In my mind, I was being vain to put my intimacy concerns over the pursuit of my “true self”. Everyone with dysphoria had to “fix” it eventually - I couldn’t just not get top surgery.
But like…fuck, dude. Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten top surgery.
I prefer my body without breasts. It feels much more “me”, especially when I’m alone. But I don’t feel hot. I don’t feel fuckable, or beautiful, or attractive. And I’ve been trying to chip away at it in therapy, but I haven’t really put much of a dent in it, and it’s bringing up some really hard questions that I no longer feel capable of ignoring.
Honestly? My confidence in my sexuality is a big fucking deal to me. I’m someone for whom intimacy of all kinds is really important. And even though I know that there are PLENTY of people who find flat chests attractive, I personally do not. And it’s seriously starting to fuck with my head.
Idk man. Insurance is able to cover reconstruction for me due to a federal loophole, but there’s no way in hell they’re going to fix my jacked-up nipples on their own. And I’m seriously beginning to question if a little gender dysphoria might be worth the relief of finally feeling confident in my own skin again. I have a consultation appointment in June, in either case. So in the mean time, I just have to…figure this out. No biggie.
Anyways, that’s my spiel. I’ve been wearing prosthetics for a while now and tolerating them fairly well, but I recognize that having something physically attached to you is a whole other ball game. So we’re just gonna keep on trucking and see what happens 🫠🫠🫠 either way I have a funny feeling that the “perfect” answer I’ve been seeking to this problem does not exist.
#personal#gender dysphoria#detransition#body horror#body dysmorphia#i need to sleep lmao#also obligatory ‘my detransition story is not meant as an indictment of the trans movement as a whole’ etc#mental health
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[literally tripping over myself as i frantically race in here] listen here me out— jervis with someone who’s down for consensual hypnosis nsfw wise (was thinking about btas jervis when this idea entered my brain but you’re free to write about whichever jervis tickles your fancy, miss ri!)
A/N: okay, okay anon are you or are you not part of me and finnie's discord? Or are you a mutual? Cause if we're not mutuals yet we need to be. I've had this exact discussion with at least two to three mutuals lmao this is an absolute fucking fantasy amongst so many you have no idea—so sorry if i slightly project myself as reader here..cause hnngggg hypnotism kink make brain go brrr also also I decided to include the request for btas Jervis with smut prompt #30 cause I wasn’t quite sure how to end it and this seemed like something he may say in this given situation lmao
Smut Prompt #30: "I hope you don't have anything important going on tomorrow because you won't be able to walk."
Trigger Warning: explicit sexual content, hypnotism kink (consensual), fingering, cunnilingus, orgasm control, piv intercourse
Word Count: 2.4 k
BTAS Mad Hatter x F!Reader - Hypnotizing
Jervis would never do anything that made you uncomfortable and always respected your wishes. Nothing meant more to Jervis in terms of your relationship than your trust and your comfort.
He won’t deny he has thought in passing about having you under his mind control, but the thought was immediately tossed aside.
Jervis could never reduce you to a thoughtless puppet of sorts. He adores your thoughts, your feelings, he could never compromise them.
All the more reason he’s incredibly shocked when you mention this…this idea.
“P-Pardon me, darling…but did, did I hear you correctly?"
You giggled nervously. You had a feeling the request would seem off-putting but you thought about this a lot. You can't help but find the idea very, very, tantalizing.
You nodded. “Yes, you did. If what you heard was me inquiring about you hypnotizing me next time we-”
“Yes! Yes, yes…I-I I did hear you correctly.”
You smiled softly. “Jervy, if it makes you uncomfortable..”
Jervis shook his head. “It’s, it’s not that my dear..I’m just–It's a shock more than anything.”
It was silent for a moment. You let his shock settle, which allowed him to stew in his decision to what to do with this suggestion you laid out.
“You…you trust me? Truly?”
Your mouth opened and closed sporadically like a fish out of water. However, you knew where this stemmed from. His insecurities, you did the best you could to keep them at bay, but they’re always lurking waiting to make him self doubt.
“Yes.” You stated, genuinely. You clasped your hands over his and squeezed them. “I trust you, Jervis Tetch with everything. My mind, my heart, everything…”
His eyes widened. He never was quite used to your truly unconditional love for him. It still surprised him, still shook him to his core, and made him smitten for you all over again.
Jervis slowly gripped your hand back in return. He nodded. “I-I will ponder on it, if you’ll permit it?”
You nodded. “Of course, Jervis.” You leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek. “Take all the time you need.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To be quite honest, there isn’t a day that went by that Jervis wasn’t pondering on it. He never imagined you'd want to be under his influence. Now that he has your permission…what was he to do with it? How was he going to go about this new…scenario?
It didn’t take long for a certain outcome to begin brewing.
“Jervis, what’s this?”
He handed you a tiny white box with a red ribbon around it after dinner.
“Open it, darling.” Jervis’ voice trembled slightly.
A soft light blue headband laid in your hand. There was a slight square surface beneath the fabric.
You blinked, it was cute, but you never wore–oh…oh.
“If you still wanted…to…Once you put it on…you will be under…well, for a lack of better words. Under my control.”
“Again, if you still want it.” He stressed. It was your idea, yet he somehow felt responsible for going through with the idea.
You smiled, before you whispered. “I do, like I said, I trust you, Jervis.”
Once the band was around your head. Everything went blank, you stood straighter, as if defaulting to a neutral state.
You stood there, expectantly.
Jervis, even for all his nerves, couldn’t help the little ball of excitement that comes from success. He’s glad the device works, he knew it would, and now that it does it only makes sense to test it.
“Come here to me, darling.”
You walked over and stood in front of him, expectantly, waiting for your next direction.
Jervis brought one of his hands up to the side of your face and the other grasped your waist and pulled you closer.
“Kiss me.” He demanded softly.
You tilted your head to the side and leaned your face into his. Almost delicately, you pressed your lips to his and he returned the kiss eagerly.
Everything seemed to be in working order. Even so, Jervis still was hesitant, unsure of how to proceed next.
You often initiated these more intimate together, he was always too timid and inexperienced, but you’ve helped him come out of his shell…somewhat.
“Darling, take a seat on the bed for me…”
As you made your way around him and taking a seat on the foot of the bed he added another command, now that you weren’t staring directly at him.
“And strip, please.”
Even if you have no recollection of this moment or his words, he was always going to be polite to a fault.
Jervis could almost swear, despite you being totally under his control, your own traits still shown through.
You were still teasingly, as meticulously as possible pulling away at the layers of clothes you wore. He was so lost in watching you, he forgot it would be wise for him to do the same thing.
You sat there, nude as the day you were born with your hands clasped on your bare lap. Patiently waiting for what’s to come.
“Very good, my dear.” He commented when he looked up still in his boxers. “Now, just make yourself comfortable amongst the pillows, darling. The main event will commence shortly.”
You scooted backwards up to the headboard of the bed, and nestled your head on the soft cool pillows. Your eyes stared up at the ceiling. Patiently, expectantly, waiting.
Jervis sighed dreamily, as he walked over to one side of the bed and leaned over you. He’ll never know or understand how he got so lucky…to actually have someone that cherishes him, trusts him, loves him unconditionally.
Your body instinctively began to shiver as his hands caressed the side of your face like before and he slowly began gently stroking your skin up and down. From your neck to just a little below your sternum and back up again.
Your breath hitched again when he stopped his one way trail and his hands began gently kneading your breasts.
Jervis was well aware every sound you produced during this moment was pure instinct and habitual, but it didn’t make them any less pretty to his ears.
He leaned in closer and kissed your lips again.
In a soft whisper, he laid out his next set of demands. “Okay, darling…listen carefully. You’re free to react in whatever way seems natural. Make all the noise you wish, as long as you moan and cry my name. Understood?”
He knew you did but it didn’t hurt, after all he was nothing if not courteous especially to his lover.
Jervis slowly retracted his hands from your skin, and as he instructed, you let out a natural whimper of disappointment of the absent connection.
Jervis made his way to the foot of the bed and climbed up on the mattress. His hands softly gripped your waist as he situated himself hovering just above your lower body. He brought one hand to your mound, he dragged his middle finger down between your legs.
You gasped as your legs reflexed from the sudden shock of nerves.
“Keep your legs down, dear.”
In a repeated up and down motion, Jervis traced the opening between your lower lips, waiting until you were wet enough. As the tips of his fingers began to slicken, he gently pushed his middle finger into you.
You moaned as you planted the bottom of your feet into the mattress to ensure they didn’t jerk again.
Jervis couldn’t fight the small proud smile that was forming. Here you were, the most gorgeous person he’s ever known. The one that trusted him with all your mental faculties and you were responding and obeying so well in kind to it.
Jervis began pumping his fingers in a steady rhythm, eventually adding two more fingers. He slowed down his strokes to remove his fingers from your entrance. You whimpered once more, looking down to see what he was doing.
Only to have your head slam back into the pillows as you felt a certain wet appendage drag between your cunt lips. As his head moved up and down in a lapping motion with his tongue, his nose would rub against your clit.
You groaned, “J-Jervis…”
The constriction of his boxers against his member started feeling tighter and tighter as your delicious sounds fueled him to go faster and deeper.
Your moans started getting more and more airy and less coherent. Jervis knew this could only mean one thing, but it was much too soon for you to be done just yet.
He quickly snapped his head up from your pussy with glistened lips. “Don’t…don’t cum.” He still wasn’t sure of the term, but it was the only way to ensure you didn’t come undone.
If you were conscious of the situation, you wouldn’t believe the pathetic whine that ripped out of you was actually from you.
Jervis chuckled under his breath, as he finally removed the suffocating boxers. "I apologize, darling. Call me selfish but I can’t have you finishing so soon.”
You were panting, your nerves were tingling on the verge of pleasurable numbness that was cruelly snatched away at the last second.
Both you and Jervis were sticking together due to your sweaty bodies. He makes his way further up your body to where your faces are centimeters away from each other.
You couldn’t register it, but he looked longingly in your eyes. For a brief second he thought about snatching the headgear off…but he made a promise to follow through on your request.
“Wrap your legs around my waist, darling.”
As you followed his instructions, he made sure that his cock was lined up to your opening.
“Kiss me, once more, my love.”
You wrapped your arms around his neck as he brought his lips down to collide passionately with yours. Both of your lips went numb from the tingling moans caused by him finally entering you.
Even though this wasn't the first instance of the two of you being intimate, definitely not the last. Jervis is sure he'll never get over the sensation of being inside you.
He slowly began thrusting in and out of you. He leaned his head back down and began peppering fevered sweet kisses along your cheeks and neck.
You were moaning his name like a mantra at this point and it egged him on more to quicken his pace. Your arms still clung around his neck like a lifeline, keeping your bodies close and intimate.
Just as you were starting to feel the tightening ball in your stomach again, just longing to come unwound…
"N-No…wait please.." He huffed. "Wait for me, darling."
You groaned slightly as your gut practically curled in on itself restraining your sweet release.
You didn't have to wait long though.
This whole experience of you being under his control and just being with you in the most intimate way imaginable…has brought Jervis closer to his end faster than he initially imagined.
His thrusts were quick, jerky, and sloppy as he got closer. He leaned his head down besides yours, his hot breath fanning your face.
"O-okay, darling. Please, please c-cum with me."
More sounds you wouldn't recognize as your own were ripped from your throat as the knot finally came undone after one more strong tug. Your skin breaking out in goose flesh as every nerve ending was lit and tingling.
Jervis felt a similar tightening sensation just before joining you going over the edge of absolute euphoria. His own body went numb to where he could no longer support himself and rested on top of you.
After he caught his breath, reluctantly, he got up from on top of you. He quickly slipped back his boxers on and began preparing to take the headgear off.
One last order, he had you put on his discarded dress shirt from earlier and told you to get under the covers.
He chuckled nervously at how you struggled to walk for a moment before hastily getting back into bed.
Jervis took off his tiny earpiece and set it on the nightstand as he gently slipped the headband of your head.
You blinked a few times as you adjusted to having all your senses and thought processes back. You still felt the fast paced beating of your heart, the sweat that damped your skin, and no doubt the remnants of a blissful afterglow.
"Darling, are you all right?"
You gasped as the tranquil quiet was cut by Jervis' voice.
You quickly recovered however and smiled as he got up on the other side of the bed next to you.
"I-I feel fantastic. I take it everything went okay?"
He nodded softly. "Yes indeed, much more than okay."
You beamed. "I'm glad, thank you again, Jervis..I know you were hesitant but this does mean a lot."
He shook his head, shyly. "It means the world to me that you trust me so, and besides you and I both know I'd do anything for you."
You giggled, not ashamed of the fact that he was practically wrapped around your finger.
You leaned in and gave him a gratuitous kiss.
He smiled. "I will say, I did miss you. As intriguing as it was…My mind could never come up with a more lovely and fascinating you."
Your heart fluttered a couple beats just as it finally started to calm down.
The only response you could come up with was to wrap your arms around him and give him another sweet kiss.
As you two began settling down for bed, you nestled yourself in between his arm and chest as his arm wrapped around you pulling you closer.
"Oh, um, darling?"
You hummed already feeling your eyes getting heavy from your tired body.
"You..you don't have anything important tomorrow do you?"
You perked your head up to look at him.
"Umm no, I don't think so…it's the weekend, why?"
He chuckled nervously as his face began reddening. "Well, um, let's just say, your legs may be inoperable for a time…"
Sometimes Jervis' classical diction gets the better of you and it takes you a moment to decipher what he means-
Oh…oh
It was a stalemate as to whose face was redder at that moment.
He pecked your forehead. "Good night, my love."
"G-Good night, Jervis."
Although it was going to be a little harder for you to go back to sleep after that revelation.
#ri writes#btas mad hatter x reader#btas jervis tetch x reader#btas mad hatter x reader smut#btas jervis tetch x reader smut#i swear the gasp when I read this prompt#just the power of same brain same brain#listen i went a wee unhinged here#sue me
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Hey Chooms,
I want to address the situation surrounding my Nexusmods ban, and Rockergirlfriend/Zwei. I want to put rumors to rest and just be open and explain my side of things. I sincerely regret the way this incident played out and I take ownership of my mistakes. That said, there is some context to the situation that I feel is important. These are things I’ve never shared publicly because I’ve preferred to remain neutral and give people the benefit of the doubt.
Zwei reached out to me when I was new to modding and she came across genuine and eager to help me, however it soon became clear her “help” and “friendship” came with major strings attached. She consistently placed restrictions on what I could and couldn't do - mods and locations she "preferred" I refrain from using – because they were “important to her lore.” Soon it became other players in the community I wasn't allowed to talk to. It was like walking on eggshells to make my Cyberpunk content so as not to “upset” her and this was slowly sucking the joy out of creating.
In addition, she would often spread rumors about others that I was expected to support, and she would even ask me to message people asking if they “copied her.” It made me so uncomfortable but since she seemed so powerful in the community I went along as best I could. I also often felt she made it a point to subtly put me down whenever possible and constantly complain to me when she felt she wasn't getting enough praise from devs or the community.
Zwei used "gifts" of "secret mods" to win my loyalty and insisted I also gatekeep and keep secrets from people. It was an incredibly manipulative relationship that mostly caused me stress and made me afraid to make the content I wanted to make.
On one occasion I made an image using a location in the game she felt she had ownership of and she instantly blocked me and deleted all of our Discord DMs. She later apologized for overreacting, and I forgave her.
During our friendship, I began hearing from friends, other players and even artists who had been treated the same way by her - in many cases way worse. In some cases they were even threatened financially, professionally (threats of legal action) or they were simply banned from Discord servers and other platforms based on rumors. Of course, some of these allegations are based on what I was told, others I’ve seen proof of, however there were many people who experienced almost identical incidents.
All of this brought up old scars for me when I was bullied and manipulated by mean girls all through school and I hated how it made me feel inferior and powerless. I’m old enough now to know the long-term damage it can do and I did not want others to go through that, especially gamer-nerd-types (such as myself) who have historically found themselves ostracized by mainstream society and popular cliques. I’ve met so many wonderful people through this community and my intent has truly always been to spread love with other players and just enjoy the game and my new found passion for VP and cinematic making.
I finally had the courage to cut ties with Zwei last year but even when I tried to avoid her and her content all together I still saw that her terrible behavior had not changed and frankly it made me angry that others were continuing to be hurt by her and scared of her. This is when I took the frustration out in a petty fashion, probably after a few glasses of wine (sorry it's true) and I made some judgmental comments on Nexus using a throwaway account. I had also vented a lot to my partner who was also frustrated by how she had treated me, and another comment was made from his account. These instances happened a while ago and I had all but forgotten about it.
Then earlier this week, after a long time away from playing I happened to open the Nexus mod main page for Cyberpunk and in real time I saw her and one of her friends attacking a new modder who made a vanilla preset that somewhat resembled her ZV OC. The bullying was so vile and public I felt particularly triggered by it. I assumed Nexus would take action this time if I reported it. I felt nervous about making a report from my main account – because as I have mentioned Zwei has a way of making people feel threatened and I was afraid of this. I thought it might be safer to submit the report from a throw-away account in case Nexus attached my name to the report. This proved to be my epic mistake. Instead of just deleting the report or sending me a warning, Nexus instantly made my privately submitted harassment report public, banned my main account, linked all the comments from the throwaway accounts and charged me with harassment (even though the bulk of my comments had just been an opinion on respecting actor’s likeness as CDPR had requested, and not using them for publicly posted explicit content). Nexus never warned my main account. They had issued one temporary warning to one of the other accounts but that was attached to my partner’s email which I never saw. I do think Nexus had a part in making all of this way bigger and worse than it ever needed to be, and even though I do take responsibility and I am apologetic for my part in it - I find their practice of public shaming to be dangerous and irresponsible.
Regardless, I stand by the report I made about Zwei and just hope this has taught some lessons all around and perhaps she will take some responsibility herself. I truly don’t hold grudges or hate toward her or anyone for that matter – but I do think that actions should have consequences. I’ll be taking some time away from everything for a while, but I will always continue to welcome new players and share my love of Cyberpunk2077.
-VS
She's known for doing that and everyone falls for it. We get where you're coming from Val and we hope you take some time to breathe and clear your head after that.
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Can I please request a type one (romantic) TWST matchup! I am veryyy outgoing. I make friends really easy and overall I’m a people pleaser. I do get very anxious and overwhelmed easily, which can cause panic attacks. I dont like sports, but I do like studying and my grades are something I take pride in. I overwork myself a lot and I make myself crumble. I thrive in environments where I get to help people. I tend to fall for possessive people because it makes me feel like someone actually likes me, even though they’re toxic. I get a long with people pretty easily though a lot of people have taken advantage of me because I’m naive and overly kind and I do anything in my power to make sure that people like me. I crave validation so I love being praised and takes care of, it makes me feel like I’ve done something right. I really enjoy video games and puzzles cause they challenge my brain. Its very easy to get me to do anything- just tell me “if you do _____ then I’ll be so proud of you.” And I’ll do it-. I am a little chubby with stretch marks and surgical scars. I’m very insecure in my body and I would like someone who would hold me close and let the world fall away. I love the idea of someone rough and tough getting soft and snuggling with me. I have some sensory issues that can cause panic attacks, like loud places/crowds. I prefer someone quiet where I can cuddle with someone or just be in my SO’s presence. I crochet and I recently finished making a blanket! I aspire to be a botanist or a horticulturist because I love plants and gardening! Thank you!!!
(I hope you enjoy this! I feel like yours was one that I figured out relatively quickly)
I match you with Rook Hunt.
First off, I wanted someone assertive for you, who wouldn't take advantage of you, and would make sure you loved yourself. And Rook fits the bill perfectly.
He's very aware of his surroundings and the people around him, so if you start to get overwhelmed he makes sure to get you out of there. If you start putting too much of yourself out so that you can keep other people happy, he'll gently take your hand, and whisper into your ear about how lovely you are, before slowly persuading you to take a break or a step back.
You want validation? Sweetheart, that's all Rook knows! He's constantly complimenting and praising you. Every little thing is his favorite thing about you. And if his words aren't enough, then the scrapbook he's been working on full of photos he took of you will help you see it. Every photo is from his perspective and shows you exactly how he sees you.
He's possessive, but not in a toxic way. Honestly, he's mostly possessive so that you get your fix. (Cause he's also a people pleaser) It's more like, he'll put an arm around your shoulder when you're talking to someone else, and he wants a kiss or to cuddle. (I've said it once, I'll say it again, Rook frequently gets written up for PDA) He usually only does it when he can tell you're feeling a little self doubt, but every once in a while, like if you talk to Vil or Neige and ignore him, he'll genuinely feel a little pouty. In his eyes those are the only two that he thinks are more worthy of you than he is, because they are "perfect".
If you make him a blanket, you'll get him monologuing. He'll go on for hours and hours about the color scheme, about how holding it is like holding you,about how he's going to display it on his wall, about how-you're going to have to stop him if you want to do something else today.
He's going to learn everything about flowers so that he can help you in your dream to become a botanist/horticulturist. His dream is to be your photographer and errand runner when you reach your goal. Oh, petit lapin, he's so very excited for your shared future!
You're playing video games, and Rook is laying on his stomach next to you. You had, obviously, assumed that he was watching the game. Until you defeated a boss, and turned to ask him what he wanted for dinner. That's when you noticed he was just staring at you with a pleasant smile.
"How long have you been," he raised an eyebrow at your question. "Nevermind."
Asking him would just set him off on a rant of how radiant you were. And you were pretty flustered already. No matter how long you were together, his lovesick, all seeing eyes, would never fail to set your heart a flutter.
He laughed and shifted his way into your lap, nuzzling into you.
"Ma petite fleur, comme votre expression me contrarie," he sighed.
"What?"
"Nevermind," he said with a teasing grin. What did you want to ask me, Mon fleur?"
"What do you want for dinner?" You squeaked out as his scent fully washed over you.
He leaned back a little and booped your nose.
"You."
You squirmed a little, and pouted.
"That's not what I meant and you know it."
"Do I? How can you be so sure?"
That damned smile on his face. He was going to be the death of you. Might as well accept it though. Be flustered by the world's greatest hunter is not a bad way to go.
#twisted wonderland#1.5k followers#twisted wonderland x reader#matchups#twst rook#twisted wonderland rook#rook hunt x reader#rook hunt#rook x reader
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20 questions for fic writers
thanks for the tag @kiwiana-writes ❤️❤️❤️
I wasn't going to do this because a silly part of me was feeling some imposter syndrome - mostly because I haven't published a fic for RWRB yet, and that makes me feel like I'm not a 'real' fic writer (yes silly I know) 🙃 reminded myself that I have published stuff on ffn/ao3 before even though it was 6+ years ago 😅 ANYWAY filled this out so I can look back in a year or so and see what's changed 🌞
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
5 on my old AO3 account that I pretend doesn't exist 😂
1 on my new AO3 (though it's just a fic where I dump my drabbles)
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
48k
3. What fandoms do you write for?
only RWRB now
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
lmao not going specifically name them because these days I like to pretend all my old fics don't exist but my fic with the most kudos (354) is a soulmate fic 😌
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Mostly! (I've tried to respond to all of them but I'm always fighting the procrastination monster)
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Confession for these two questions - I've never actually finished writing a fic 💀 but! I don't think I could ever write an angsty ending - I need a happy ending 😂 I'm going to finish a fic one day, I swear (hilariously I think the first fic I'll ever finish will be the Vampire Henry fic at this rate LOL)
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Thankfully no
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
I've always planned to but I've never actually reached that part 💀 (see above confession about never having finished a fic lol)
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
Nope! Don't think it would be something I would do in the future either.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
No and I don't think anyone would want to steal any of my half finished fics LOL
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Nope
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Nope
14. What’s your all time favorite ship?
Alex/Henry 🥺
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
Ahh all the unfinished fics on my old AO3 account. Sometimes I still get comments on that soulmate fic asking if I'm ever going to update and while I'd love to finish it, I'm in a different headspace now from when I started it (10 years ago!)
16. What are your writing strengths?
Let me see if I've got an answer for this in a year because right now I genuinely don't know 😅
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Does being a slow writer count? Never finishing a fic? I'm working on it 😅 I have 6 (whoops) WIP's right now and there's two that are SO CLOSE to being done - I've just got to keep fighting my easily distracted brain 🥲 The day I finish writing a fic, I'll genuinely cry and probably buy myself a cake to celebrate 😂
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
I'd like to? I do love reading fics that include Spanish dialogue. But my second language (Tagalog) is kinda useless for this? 😂 You'd think it'd be helpful cause it uses a lot of Spanish words/phrases, but it's too much of a different language overall to be of any use. (lol I'll read fics with Spanish dialogue and randomly be amused when I recognize a word that's the same in Tagalog - "I know that word!!!")
19. First fandom you wrote for?
HP (hate what jkr has done to taint it tho 🙃)
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
Since I've never finished a fic, my fave WIP's right now are my Fake Dating/College AU fic and my Vampire Henry fic 🥰
no pressure tags as always (sorry if you've already done this and I missed it 😅)
@heybuddy-drabbles @affectionatelyrs @littlemisskittentoes @cultofsappho @happiness-of-the-pursuit @read-and-write- @14carrotghoul @inexplicablymine @suseagull04 +anyone who wants to do this
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Big ramble about Fabiniku…
Okay so this LONG ass post is gonna focus on my interpretations of fabiniku aka “life with an ordinary guy who got reincarnated as a fantasy knockout” buckle up I got a lot of thoughts and I’m trying to get it all out in one(ish) post and I don’t think the thoughts all make sense:
I also feel like I’m saying the same thing 5x before I get to the point so apologies in advance….
Tachibana is the reason that Jinguuji has the power that he has. Tachibana loves Jinguuji and currently I am not talking about Love in the romantic sense. You can love family and friends just as deeply as a romantic partner. And this love is why the goddess was drawn to him and this love is why Jinguuji is so dang strong day one. But I also believe we can pinpoint exactly where the turn from platonic to romantic happened and what that means for jinguuji’s strength.
This also plays into my theories on tachibana’s lack of strength.
At the start of the whole story the curse makes both protagonists “see” each other but it’s way easier for Tachibana to get past and ignore it seemingly than Jinguuji. It is theorised by many that that’s because Jinguuji has loved tachibana the whole time pre-isekai and is too repressed to understand any of it. Tachibana being a pretty girl and the two of them being cursed to actually “see” each other just punches him in the face with his OWN feelings. on the other hand Tachibana is just like “okay I’m totally into my friend now and I’ll be keeping that nightmare to myself(ish)”. We don’t see Tachibana struggling a much as Jinguuji does. (Tho they do struggle)
But then the robot fight happens and Jinguuji praised the shit out of his best friend and Tachibana can barely take the embarrassment of it all which causes Jinguuji to fully and genuinely laugh in front of Tachibana for probably the first time EVER. That whole moment put Jinguuji to Tachibana’s heart in a way he previously wasn’t. This is when we see Tachibana get charmed for first time too.
After this In the Manga, when the two encounter the elf on the ship Jinguuji strikes a major hit against her new weapon that mimics what heart beam would look like later in the arc. I believe this is because Tachibana’s feelings for him have grown and he is now capable of even more than before.
Then the single time we have seen the two be emotionally vulnerable with each other (in terms of their feelings for one another) it has resulted in a power boost for Jinguuji and him using heart beam. Tachibana refused to let jinguuji get away with his bullshit and made him call them cute! This moment tho was all spurred on by Tachibana. The blessing was given by Tachibana. Tachibana is the source of it all.
So long story short: Tachibana’s love makes Jinguuji strong.
But then the question is if Tachibana’s platonic love alone was enough to make jinguugi strong why isn’t the reverse true? Jinguuji clearly cares for Tachibana more than anything just because he refuses to call it love doesn’t change that the feelings are there? Well…
Tachibana, being the Hero, is the source of Jinguuji’s power, as the weapon, and I doubt the weapon can affect the hero directly. This is why I don’t think jinguuji’s love for tachibana wether named or not matters in the magic sense of it all.(tho it definitely matters over all)
I think Tachibana’s love is the source of Tachibana’s power and the one thing we truly haven’t seen is Tachibana Loving themselves. They didn’t love themselves before being isekai’d and they don’t now. And being put in a strange body with what look like only hinderances attached to it doesn’t help. The one time we’ve seen strength/skill come from Tachibana was again when they were being emotionally vulnerable and demanding the acknowledgment they felt they deserved.
1. They had a handle on a robot they should have had no idea how to use. Also they were good strategic attacks
2. Over powered Jinguuji for the forehead kissy.
I don’t think Tachibana is going to grow in skill and strength till they’re able to truly accept and love themselves.
And I think that Jinguuji is as much a part of the problem as he is the solution.
Well intentioned or not, Jinguugi does not accept Tachibana as they currently are and hasn’t made it a secret AT ALL. Even if Tachibana was in agreement the whole time after a while the constant reminders that “you are wrong” would get to anyone.
It’s a weird way to put it but I think they have a co-dependent relationship and time a part would strengthen there relationship and by extension Tachibana’s power maybe? Like self love plays into any relationship and I feel like the two of these idiots are growing more unhealthy in the relationship by the day… idk
I think Jinguuji is going to have to at minimum accept his friend where they’re at and commit to taking the journey with them and emotionally support them thru this genuinely tough time. But I also know Jinguuji is an idiot and won’t do this…
I’m cutting my self off if y’all want more ask…
FINAL NOTES: Jinguuji during the robot fight didn’t regain strength unti AFTER he acknowledged he was jealous of Tachibana’s attention and when he agreed to start praising Tachibana. Idk if that mean that Jinguuji’s had to comply with tachibana to keep his strength or if it is more of a reflection that their relationship needs to be strong in order for him to be strong… I feel like I am still close with my above interpretation but also I think I have thought myself into a hole… save me I’m stuck down here…
#fabiniku#life with an ordinary guy who reincarnated into a total fantasy knockout#long post#ramblings#a lot a lot#interpretation
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Honestly I think a thing a lot of people lack when engaging in discourse and honestly complicated conflict and bad blood rooted communication with anyone (past abusers, codependent relationships, internal interactions with persecutory parts etc) is a really low grasp and awareness BEFORE HAND of what they value most and what is at the heart of what they need to be said and understood - and as a result the point of arguing and discussing fets warped around in 5000 only semi-related arguments and people - rooting their need for another topic - feel the need to double down on less important points in displaced fear of forfeiting what actually matters to them
Going into an interaction where the history is less than stellar and knowing and clearly seeing what actual hurt / anger you hold and where it stems is really important to actually having productive conversation / discourse, keeping the topic focused, and giving yourself the room to compromise WITH the other person should they also be willing to compromise.
This came to mind with the whole tulpacourse on my personal blog cause really, I value anti-racism far more than any inherent hard stance of terminology or thr group and should there be a good and genuine proposition to apply anti-racist ideology without changing terms that was actually worth giving the benefit of doubt, I'd be open to overlooking even the term discourse. To me the term is a representative of the problem, an obvious and easy starting point to make amends, but if there is an alternative to make the core thing I value (anti-racism) work that works better and more practically, I'd be willing to throw out my complaints and - given the change is actually made and followed through - completely ally myself to them on a good faith to good faith exchange.
It's why I'm generally pro-endo. I don't know shit on it, but the endo community gave us the good faith in listening to our hurt and anger about cultural appropriation and in turn, I am choosing to seperate those that have given good faith as "endos" and just shitty people as shitty people. The endo community is due good faith from me that should it be kept, my good faith will be returned to my less-informed self.
But even beyond syscourse and online discourse, this is largely how I deal with persecutors in the system and why Im a resident persecutor wrangler. I know what is and isnt negotiable and I know they are people and parts that need something themselves otherwise they would not be voicing their needs. Its a matter of helping them pinpoint what they need and then figuring out a way to have both of our needs met that we can typically defuse them.
Of course not everyones needs are compatible and that is where it is easier irl than within the system as - for irl people - you can just choose to not engage with them, block them, cut them off, ignore them etc which you really cant do as healthily within a system, but ya know, sometimes people really aren't compatible and while that usually is a matter of "unfortunate" luck...
I really don't feel unlucky OR unfortunate to say I am not compatible with racists - especially sinophobic racists - as a Chinese POC myself.
#alter: xiv#xiv rambles#communication#system dynamics#kinda syscourse so for filtering purposes#syscourse#syscourse tw#tulpacourse#tulpacourse tw#persecutor#persecutor recovery
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high key voting haruka guilty
Hullo hullo! It’s Mercury! Haruka’s album dropped and I was finally able to listen to his VD and Android Girl! Many thoughts are occuring.
like a lot of Haruka stuff TW for mentions of suicide
First off,, Android Girl!!!! It sounds so crunchy??? /pos I def think I like it more than the original. I high-key was just listening to the original imagining Haruka’s cover lol.
now for the VD,,,, it’s not looking good
Mini summary if yall haven’t listened to it:
Haruka is more confident when talking to Es, only ocassionally going back to his weaker, nervous tendencies. Haruka first explains how Shidou and Kazui negotiated a ceasefire with Kotoko, for now.
He moves on to state how he has two saviors: one is Es and the other is later revealed to be Muu. He says Es is one of his saviors bc we voted him innocent. He’s taken it to the extreme thinking we have completely forgiven him for killing. Es states how the innocent vote is a temporary verdict and how what he did is still morally wrong. This causes Haruka to start throwing a tantrum, throwing things and screaming that what he did wasn’t wrong. He eventually charges at Es intending to choke them, but ofc the magic barrier prevents him from harming them. It even rebounds onto him so he starts choking a bit?
Haruka calms down a little bit, enough for Es to try to explain how we voted on him. This really only confuses Haruka and makes him start screaming again, saying a good-for-nothing like him could only get noticed by killing (yeesh) and asking if it was good his mom gave up on him (double yeesh).
Then out of no where Haruka says that Es isn’t his mom. Es is like “girl yea I’ve never been your mom.” Haruka then says Muu is his mom bc she pays attention to him and praises him unlike his actual mom (who he now doesn’t view as his mom anymore).
Last and most important bit: Haruka’s ultimatum
Haruka says Muu is scared of Milgram and we have to stop scaring her and vote her innocent or else he’d kill Es. Es then scoffs saying “you literally can’t kill me.” Then Haruka says “Fine, if you don’t vote her innocent, I’ll kill myself. That’s not against the rules right?”
In conclusion, if we want to vote Muu guilty, we’d have to vote Haruka guilty as well, but there really is no winning here.
Haruka innocent & Muu innocent
continuing to affirm their actions and maybe make them more likely to kill again if released back into society
Haruka innocent & Muu guilty
..... bye Haruka
Haruka guilty & Muu innocent
theres honestly a lot of things that could happen with this one. Muu would prob get super pissed, Haruka might get jealous and violent, or Muu might not even care and move on from him (not very likely tho imo)
Haruka guilty & Muu guilty
Haruka can’t do anything... yet but would def break his trust in Milgram, Muu would likely reject the verdict and continue to deny fault
How it’s looking right now is the fandom will want to vote Muu guilty, and the safer way to do that would then be to vote Haruka guilty. Even on the off chance we vote Muu innocent, I really don’t want to run the risk of Haruka committing suicide. He’s definitely not making false claims here, knowing his personality, I don’t doubt that he's serious ab this.
We don’t know how a suicide would impact the rest of the prisoners either, but it def wouldn’t be good. Likely, it would cause a widespread panic amongst the prisoners and overall make everyone more afraid of Milgram. I also have no idea what it would do to Muu either. I really doubt she asked Haruka to do this, it's likely just his way of showing how much she means to him. But he kinda didn't think this through??? How is commiting suicide going to help not scare her????
These are just my thoughts,, feel free to vote however you want lol im not your mom 🤡 (unless secretly im Muu and youre Haruka then ig i am your mom) BUT BY ALL MEANS PLEASE DONT KEEP HIM ON 50/50
genuinely it is a VERY bad idea. Mr. “Please Notice Me and Give Me Affirmation” getting no verdict? I cant see that turning out well for a n y o n e
#milgram#ミルグラム#milgram project#milgram es#milgram haruka#haruka sakurai#admin mercury#eeeeeeeeeeeee#not good not good not good not good#can we get a counter of how many times Es says baka jfc#alright es buddy.. i get youre mad at him but like theres no reason to call him stupid so many times#and Tear Drop is coming out next week! welcome to hell part 2!
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yeah i have ocd too and ive been reading your posts + the ask you answered and man i really really feel it. i was in erp for about two years steady, and i was genuinely able to overcome a few of my less severe obsessions that way, to a large amount of relief. but for my most severe thing, a (very visible, facially) brfb obsession/compulsion that has caused me so much strife and social anxiety for years, i got next to nowhere. even when i would manage to go a handful of days without doing it, i would inevitably lapse - and then feel like absolute shit about it, because i felt like i wasn’t strong enough to win this battle i’d been told i’m fighting. since i have some overlapping perfectionism issues, this cycle was just brutal for my self esteem. then my regular erp therapist retired, and ive been meaning to get back into it but the thought just.. exhausts me. but then i also keep brfb-ing myself and still need help with that. but then erp wasn’t really working on it anyway… it’s really left me feeling like i don’t know what to do. so on the one hand i fully agree with what youre saying about how erp is not necessarily the answer to every o/c and that reassurance is not the Worst Imaginable Thing to offer a person with ocd, but unlike some other compulsions that im sure could be lived with, the thought of going through my whole life doing what i do is… hard lol. socially, mentally, physically hard. anyway i dont mean to just vent at you.. i guess my point is that yeah its just so so so frustrating that erp and fighter mentality is treated as kind of the be all end all solution for ocd right now.
like not to sound like a baby but. im not looking for a fight, im looking for help!! and yeah “only i can save me” or whatever but it feels like ocd is kind of underrepresented in the world of mental illnesses that are/can be utterly debilitating. because its nuts that there is kind of no other treatment suggestion for who are really suffering and simply arent - for whatever reason, temporarily or otherwise - the vigilant mentally tough fighters erp recovery models want us to be. and i dont even mean that in a defeatist or deprecating way, i mean like.. sometimes your ocd makes you depressed! and then, what with the depression and all, you just don’t have it in you for what erp demands. im not a psychologist or anything but man there’s gotta be a better a way
I really relate to and empathize with what you’re saying. I also struggle with a BFRB where I pick at my face and other very visible spots on my body, which increases my already-substantial social anxiety. It is an absolutely brutal cycle for self-esteem, including how you feel “defeated” by not being “strong enough” to be a “OCD fighter.” This is another reason why I don’t like the fight(er) framing around OCD; it makes those who don’t respond to ERP in the prescribed way feel like they have failed, rather than there being a morally-neutral mismatch between the treatment and the individual.
I do want to ensure we don’t fall into the misconception that critiquing ERP or other “gold standard” treatments for OCD means that the only other option is to learn to live with OCD without attempting to alleviate our suffering or cut back on our compulsive rituals. I have tried, as I’m sure you have, a great many things to try and stop myself from picking (badly) at my face: countless fidget toys, thick press-on nails, NAC pills, pimple patches and hydrocolloid band-aids, reducing my anxiety levels, avoiding mirrors, etc. I doubt I will ever completely eliminate my urge to pick, but I can pick and choose (ha) from what treatments, therapies, and means of harm reduction I find most effective in combination with each other. I can try lots of different things and see what works for me and what doesn’t. And this approach — going in with the assumption that many things won’t work for me, and some will, and neither of those results is a moral reflection of how hard I’m “fighting OCD” — allows me to have a more compassionate and forgiving relationship to myself and my picking.
You really nail my own feelings when you say “I’m not looking for a fight, I’m looking for help.” This framing of requiring mad/mentally ill people to be “fighters” in order to receive help/treatment is extremely counterintuitive for those of us too depressed to muster up the energy to “fight.” One of the reasons I stopped structured ERP was because I was too depressed to get out of bed, let alone go out into the world and do daily exposures. Like most of the mental health treatment industry, this treatment is not structured for people seriously struggling in more than one area, despite the fact that most people do.
I agree that there has to be a better way to treat/heal from/live with OCD than the limited options we’re given now, and I believe that creating these “better ways” starts with conversations like this one: talking, sharing, and brainstorming with other mad people and forging new ways of relating to each other and ourselves. I sincerely hope that you’re able to hold compassion for yourself, regardless of whether you “lapse” in picking, and that you’re able to access means of treatment that work best for you as an individual. This is an extremely difficult thing to live with, but thankfully, we don’t have to live with it alone — there is a community ready to commiserate and create with you, regardless of how “successful” you are at “fighting” OCD.
#really appreciated this ask#thank you for enunciating so many things I have felt and still feel myself!!#ask
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I have talked about this show and uncomfortable topics so much today i’m exhausting myself but i want to say one more thing as an ipv survivor who cares a lot about this stuff. I’ve seen so, so many posts saying Lestat would never do this because he loves Louis more than anything, he worships him, he could never hurt him. This is fallacious and incredibly dangerous thinking. It shows up a lot both in real life and fandom: people saying both that [x] doesn’t really love their victim or it’s not “true” love since they’re abusive, or alternatively [x]’s actions weren’t really abusive since they love their victim, they meant well etc. There is a prevailing idea of abusers as consciously cruel monsters who don’t feel love or empathy. The disturbing and difficult reality is however that many, even most, abusers genuinely love their victims, sometimes extremely deeply and passionately so. Love has almost nothing to do with is the relationship abusive or not. This is pretty personal but in my own relationship my boyfriend was a lot of time extremely kind and supportive, treated me like a princess and did anything to make me happy. He was ready to sacrifice his own wellbeing to help me. When he later hit me (another thing to understand is that emotional abuse practically always comes before physical and abuse has a slowly escalating quality) he would be so upset with his own actions that he would cry. Now years later when i look back to this relationship objectively i still have no doubt in my mind that he really loved me. He was just too fucked up. But at the time the knowledge that he loved made me think that he wasn’t really abusive and not seek help, because i had heard over and over again that abusers don’t love their victims.
Low empathy and sadism can be risk factors for abuse, but the biggest risk factors/causes for abuse are social, economic and cultural factors, substance abuse, abuser’s poor emotional regulation and communication skills and low self-esteem. All forms of abuse are about control. If we analyse our fictional fucked up vampire household almost all the typical warning signs are there. Past experience of being a victim or witnessing abuse increases the risk to commit it later you because it may normalize it your mind (Lestat has a very long history of being violated and abused - i think this is most obvious with how he acts around Claudia: you get an impression he thinks this is a normal way you treat your children). If using violence and abuse tactics has worked in the past to solve problems this behavior gets reinforced (Lestat is used to dealing with things with violence - and otoh him trying to control Louis and isolate has worked in the past). They’re extremely socially isolated; they don’t seem to have any friends outside their family anymore. Their situation is extremely stressful which causes suppressed anger. Jealousy, infidelity and sexual problems are huge risk factors (needless to even elaborate). Most abusers suffer from intense anxiety and insecurity, have low self-esteem and problems at controlling their emotions and are terrified of abandonment (this is Lestat’s entire character in nutshell). Experts talk about so called ‘relationship retention behavior’ where abuser thinks that violence and abuse are the only way to save the relationship and keep their partner from leaving. Lestat’s actions in the past episode are a textbook example of this, and he has actually shown signs of it since the very first episode.
I emphasize i’m not taking a stand here are Lestat’s actions ooc or not, was it a bad or offensive writing choice or not or anything like that. I’m not really even talking about the show first and foremost. I’m just really worried seeing so many young people not realizing that love and abuse are not mutually exclusive and not understanding how abusive relationships develop. Abuser trying to keep their loved ones from leaving them is one of the most common situations where abuse occurs. Please never think that someone couldn’t abuse you just because you love them and they love you
#sorry this got long again but i feel intensely about this subject#i think i'm now trying to move on to more lighthearted subjects like what the hell is going on with rashid#iwtv#iwtv spoilers#abuse tw#txt#mal watches iwtv
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On the one hand, getting an autism diagnosis last year, in combination with ADHD, helped me to understand a lot about how my mind and nervous system work and brought me closer to my (also autistic) little brother (and I’m grateful for that).
On the other hand, it’s created a kind of hellscape of self-doubt within me that I thought I’d broken free from a long time ago. At some point in my early 20s, I well and truly stopped giving a fuck what anyone else thought of me. I had worked through a fuckton of trauma, left an abusive situation, and was too exhausted to let anyone else affect how I saw myself. I decided to trust myself. And I’ve stayed trusting myself since, being fairly confident that I lead and communicate with empathy and compassion (and when I don’t, I make an effort to genuinely apologize).
Now, though? I don’t know. There’s a part of me that says “keep trusting yourself, you were doing just fine,” but there’s another part of me that’s been inundated with studies and articles and expert testimonies that all keep saying that people on the spectrum lack empathy. Furthermore, that at times we “won’t even realize” when we’ve offended a neurotypical person. And that’s really been fucking with my head.
The logical part of my brain is like “what a load of bullshit, you know that’s not right, you know the studies are often based on outdated, eugenicist, and disproven information.” But the paranoid little shit side of my brain is like “what if you’ve absolutely bulldozed someone’s feelings without realizing it and your words have stuck with them their whole life since? what if you are part of their most painful memory ‘cause you said or did something insensitive? 🙃”
So now, I’m almost terrified to speak to people (not that it was ever easy for me, but at least I wasn’t scared I’d hurt anyone’s feelings). Unless we’ve known each other a while, but sometimes even then… EVEN THEN. It’s so fucking annoying. Has anyone else experienced this specific emotional spiral? I just haven’t felt this insecure (and, by extension, unsafe) in years and I don’t know how to shake it. Me a year ago would be disgusted that I was doubting myself, but I’m over here like “girl, you’re the one who left, return from war already, I miss you too.”
I know therapy is the ultimate solution to this and I am in therapy, but if anyone can just tell me I’m not alone in this feeling (and, hopefully, that you overcame it), that would be just super cool right now.
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hi Beth!!! I’m going to slide, my darling Jedi, Thalia Starhope, your way for the OC x OC game 💙💙
the highlights include: Human female, Mace Windu’s Padawan (and all the pressure & anxiety that goes with that), actual Disney Princess, genuine, sweet, don't push her though, insomnia, likes being alone best, yet still loves people…but books are best, she's soft but she's still a Jedi and she's as skilled as she is kind, thoughtful, wicked funny, overthinker, hates to be underestimated, 5'0", a great thing in a small package.
happy shipping!!!
OK I knew I loved Thalia from our thots on her previously, but reader her entire synopsis I gotta ask ... did you hunt down my FB page with this? Like, with the exception of the likes to be alone bit (and the padawan stuff obvs) these are all ways I'd describe myself :D
I'm going to really try to keep that out of my response, but please forgive me if I fail ....
Corkscrew would adopt Thalia immediately. They worked together when her and Windu teamed up with Shadow Squadron on a mission and he's seriously impressed by how intelligent and capable she is.
But then he sees her stumble over an answer to one of his brothers and he swears he can see her brain working overtime and just goes "little sister."
He mainly gently encourages her to have some more confidence in herself and not otherthink so much. "Your first thought is likely the right one, vod'ika. Don't let the doubtful thoughts drown it out."
He loves that she can keep up with him when he causes a little (restrained) chaos.
He loves her sweetness and thinks if everyone in the galaxy were like that, things might be a little kinder. At first he just assumes that's the Jedi training, but when he compares her to Anakin or even Ahsoka, it's different. It's just her.
He's the one that gives any romantic hopefuls the "Hi, this girl is wonderful and a light in the galaxy. She may not be vindictive, but I am. She comes crying to me once and no one will find all of your body" speech.
Bonus because I wanna: Yen meets Thalia when helping to match a few of the Corries and Yen really vibes with Thalia's personality. She appreciates how Thalia can be soft and gentle without being weak or a pushover. It's not something Yen can do, so she really respects it.
Yen will absolutely volunteer to be Thalia's Scary Friend (TM) whenever she needs. Yen's bark is as bad as her bite and she'll offer both to Thalia whenever the latter asks for backup on anything.
Yen does tend to bring that intensity when Thalia's overthinking and anxiety come out (think very aggressive pep talk), and that could rub Thalia the wrong way and lead to an argument or hurt feelings. But while stubborn, Yen isn't ok leaving things like that. Though she feels a little guilty when Jedi Padawan Thalia forgives her, and she uses that to try and be better next time.
The girls spend a lot of passive time together - Yen working while Thalia reads (and hides in Yen's office for a break). It's how they spend time together without disrupting their personal routines. But anything happens in Thalia's book or Yen gets a stupid email, they are trading quips and absolutely verbally destroying the target of their ire between the two of them. They enjoy the banter.
That's all I got for now. I really hope you like these/ I did Thalia justice!!!
#oc x oc ask game#oc: thalia starhope#i love her and she deserves a disney princess ending#i hope that doesn't sound weird based on my first graf#but it's so cool to be so seen by someone else's oc!!#thalia x corkscrew#thalia x yen#oc: yen ori'ken#oc: clone pilot corkscrew
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hello!
i know it's been some time since the final renaissance update, but it impacted me a lot and i needed to collect my thoughts,, so, sorry if this is a very late contribution to the debate. also obligatory warning that i am not a native speaker so my explanations might be a little wonky at times hahshd
to say it plainly: i sobbed, i laughed, i trembled and i melted with this fic. it had the perfect dose of everything; of pain, doubts, things being broken and then fixed with enough love and understanding that it reeked through the screen into my feelings as well. and you got my heart racing with every update!! my week revolved around your scheduled updates, however crazy that sounds.
like you said, it was cathartic. and painful. god, my heart ached so much every single time charles doubted himself and seb's view on him, and it ached when he longed for something as human as love with such resentment towards himself. but in the end, your brilliant writing soothed me like - pardon my perhaps nonsensical comparisons - those rays of sunlight in winter, when you've been freezing outside and they hit the skin of your hands and for a moment you think, wow, there is something more to this than just suffering. your writing style evoked such vivid emotions in me i thought i might be one with charles, lol. i love it, love it, love it.
you helped me realise a lot about myself in the process of reading too - and again, i am sorry for this little oversharing, but you also helped me realise that just like charles found out in the end, getting help might be worth it, and i will be getting it. it probably seems insincere,, but yeah. i am being genuine. your take on daddy issues hurt in a way where you realise that, damn, this is too realistic and hits too close to home, unlike those glorified scenarios on certain social media. bravo.
while i'm here, i would also like to mention that i read your other works, rouge et blanc and act of god. the latter in particular made it hard to breathe at times - not in the anxiety way, but in the in-awe-thanks-to-the-genius-storytelling way. you have this skill of uniting the reader and the main character to the point where they think alike, and it was only in the end when i noticed the escalation of the obsessive elements, that's how immersed i was in seb's unreliable narration. bravo again. (also, the religious imagery? chef's fucking kiss good LORD)
i don't want to go into detail over specific scenes in renaissance because this would be even longer than it is, so i'm just gonna wrap it up by saying: please, if you can, keep creating!! i don't mean it as putting pressure on you, the thing i want to say is that your art is absolutely brilliant and loved, if you ever doubt it. thank you for creating this fic and i am soo looking forward to anything you create in the future!!
-diem
hi anon ❤️
dw about it being late! my own reply is late as well haha, sorry (also dw about the english, you’re perfectly fine).
aw shucks, thank you so much. it’s always so lovely to see how much a work can reach someone, and to hear how it is has affected you is simultaneously joyous and tear-jerking (sorry about the pain it caused).
ahhh i love love LOVE that comparison to the sunlight during winter. might be one of my favourite compliments ever! it’s always sooooo pleasing for a writer to know that the reader is experiencing things almost as if they were the character themselves. thank you!
getting help is absolutely nothing to be shameful of, and i’m so proud of you going to get it. i wish you the best ❤️ (thank you again! i didn’t want the father complex to be dramatised bc in reality, it’s a lot different than what’s shown on tv).
ahhh and you read the others??? thank you omg! haha, thank you for liking act of god sm, i’m so happy that the general consensus has been positive. i was so nervous to post it, but i’m glad the religious imagery and seb’s unreliability managed to get through to the reader.
yes!! i will keep creating as soon as i get out of the writer’s block. i’m so grateful for your message and the support. have a great day! all the love <3
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