#and this also isnt to shame anyone who DOES feel this way
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the machine.
a comic about being a 'creator' online.
creative notes:
#in light of recent online 'success' i feel like this may come off as ungrateful#just wanna say that all the comics i make in this series are written about experiences i felt in 2022#which was a rough year personally and creatively#and i very luckily don't feel this way anymore#and this also isnt to shame anyone who DOES feel this way#its easy to start to feel like all you are is a vending machine of art#and like thats all you are to people#theres nothing human to you#it can be a bit of a pit#and on some level this damage is self inflicted but social media really doesnt help that feeling#this wont work for everyone but having friends around you who you can talk to about stuff that ISNT art#going outside for dinner#maybe walking around#its good for when you need that feeling to go away even a bit temporarily#youre a human being#not a mindless content creation machine#and i hope anyone who feels like this now can get to a place where they have a healthier relationship with their own work#good luck to all of you#and thank you for reading#comic art#its 10pm#stillindigo art
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build god, then we’ll talk // e.w.
a/n: preacher!ellie part 2!! yay! once again heavily mcr inspired lol, also mm a fever you can't sweat out aka the best p!atd album. i got super freaked out because this accidentally posted a few days ago and i dont even know why what the actual fuck. im super nervous about this one. this one is significantly worse than the first and if i wasnt already before writing this i certainly now am never seeing the pearly gates. AGAIN IF THIS ISNT UR THING DONT READ
read part one here!!
word count: 2.6k
warnings: preacher!ellie , christian!reader . some random bitch named paisleigh i tried to go for names karen would pick. fem!reader , dom!ellie , sub!reader . rough sex . church sex they are in the church please dont be mad at me LMFAOOOO . oral (e!receiving) , inappropriate use of holy water?? lol. established relationship (secret lovers). internalised homophobia + religious trauma , mean!ellie , she’s mostly very nice , just punishing reader and suuuuper clouded by internalised homophobia. degrading/slight humiliation kink , corruption kink if you squint , dacryphilia , spanking (r!receiving) , fingering (r!receiving) , hair pulling. dialogue heavy tbh ,, . use of the word whore. use of pet names : angel , sweet girl , good girl.
towards the back of the church, you sit next to ellie during the evening service. her warm palm covers most of your thigh, thumb rubbing gentle circles into your skin. it’s secret moments shared in plain sight that get you going, that make your heart flutter and knees weak.
it’s moments like these that increase the doubts you are having about your faith – not like ellie knows, and absolutely not like you would ever tell her. she is your lover, and you have trusted her with so much, but she could never understand this. she’s dedicated her life to the church like it’s her purpose, and you’re haunted by it.
so even as you feel yourself losing sight of the need for salvation, and as you find that you can only feel happy and free once you let go of religion, you will sit through every mass. you will pray with her. you will continue to live this hidden, shameful life, living with the knowledge that nobody else would approve of the way you love ellie.
and it gets difficult, hiding it. you’ve lived in fear, hiding the secret of your sexuality for so long, but ellie’s warmth and her gentle touch is something you wish you could show off.
the service ends, and ellie stays back as she often does to talk to anyone who needs her guidance. you sit and wait for her in the pews, growing impatient, and growing guilty as your thoughts run wild and you realise what an apostate you have become.
you fidget in your seat, antsy and itching for ellie to come back to you, so you’ll be alone once more, and free to feel her touch and her kiss that you so desperately crave. but she’s having a chat with her neighbour paisleigh, of course, who is asking ellie with some not-so-subtle judgement when she’s going to settle down to become a typical housewife. you scoff at such an idea.
ellie? settling down with a man? that’s laughable.
but watching her talk with paisleigh, the way her chapped lips move and the moonlight shining through a stained glass window hits her eyes, you need that kiss more than ever.
almost on autopilot, you trail towards ellie, standing beside her with a blank face.
she interrupts paisleigh for a moment, turning to you, there’s always that undeniable look of adoration in her eyes, how she always tries to make time for you, and be attentive towards you, and it curls the corners of your lips upwards.
“you alright?” ellie asks, quirking a brow in your direction, “somethin’ wrong or you’re just bored?”
and you realise you’re actually not sure why you came up to ellie – or, you do know, but it’s not something you could ask right now. so you just grab her hand instead of replying, and ellie’s gaze hardens. in an attempt to appear professional, she squeezes your hand before dropping it.
“is something wrong?”
“uh…”
paisleigh utters something under her breath, something that sounds a little mean, before she speaks up. “i should get going. i will see you tomorrow.”
“for sure,” ellie nods, smiling. “see you.”
and ellie doesn’t even spare you a glance, waiting until paisleigh exits the church. you’re alone, the church is empty, and it’s so silent you could hear a pin drop.
at this point, it’s a matter of who will break the silence, but ellie beats you to it. you know she’s not happy – she’s always bitching the second you come close to even subtly showing love to her when someone else is around.
“jealous or something?” ellie says, crossing her arms. she leans against a pew, crossing her ankles. “couldn’t handle hearin’ about me possibly settling down? or were you just in the mood to get us caught?”
“ellie, it’s not like that, i just–”
“then what was it like?” ellie challenges, raising her eyebrows. she’s got a real mean streak, and it only comes out when she wants to protect you.
“it was- j-just– i just wanted to be close,” you mutter, looking down, a newfound meekness in your tone, “it was just me holding your hand, i–”
“and if someone takes you holding my hand the wrong way, then what? hm? you’re willing to lose everything just to hold my hand? what, you’re that desperate for some attention?”
“i wasn’t thinking, i just–”
you don’t know when ellie got so close to you, but her hand grabs your chin and lifts your face so she can stare into your eyes. there’s not much of anger there. you know what it is, it’s her own internal struggle, that she’s only taking out on you because she saw an opportunity.
“not thinking, huh?” ellie snorts, then caresses your cheek, a far cry from the callous tone she’s giving you. “poor girl, wanted me so bad, is that it?”
your lips are sealed, a doe look in your eyes that makes ellie smirk.
“talk. you wanted me, hm? use your words.”
“i just wanted a kiss,” you say quietly, “or at the very least, j-just a hug.”
“awe,” ellie croons, pulling you close. her heart isn’t calm like usual and you can hear it, the harboured speed she gained in fear of your secret being revealed. she’s warm as ever, her hands on your waistline and chin resting on your shoulder. “well here’s your hug, angel. but you know what i think?”
“...what?”
“you’ve forgotten where the fuck we are.”
ellie pulls away from you, and shoves you in the direction of the altar, causing you to gasp and catch yourself with your arms on the white table.
“we are in a place of worship. in the house of god, sweet girl, do you know what god thinks of people like us?”
you look down at your hands. “we’re… sinners.”
“that’s right,” ellie hums in approval. she ends up behind you, a hand gripping your throat to pull your back against her chest. “we’re sinners. and you went as far as to want me, to be thinking these kinds of thoughts during our service, in which we are to honour him. if you’re that much of a whore, i’ll give you what you want right here, right now.”
you splutter, quick shock taking over completely. “i- wha- here? in church? ellie, y- we can’t, this isn’t priv–”
“nobody’s watching,” ellie murmurs into your ear, leaving a kiss right where your shoulder meets your neck. “nobody except god himself. so why don’t i teach you a little lesson, show god how sorry you are?”
oh.
oh.
“i…”
ellie’s hand slides down your neck and to your back, pushing, pushing, until you’re bent over the altar. she tugs at the hem of your dress with one hand, the other trailing up the back of your thigh, leaving goosebumps in its wake like little electric sparks.
“let this punishment be our prayer. our repentance,” ellie suggests, holding your dress up. a finger traces slowly over the outline of your panties, such a feather light touch you almost don’t feel it, until she’s tugging them down and letting them pool on the floor over your mary janes. “remind me, what are we?”
you’re preoccupied, trembling over the altar and mulling over in your mind the way the air brushes against the heat in your cunt.
preoccupied, until there’s a stinging pain spreading over your ass, and a slap echoing through the empty church, followed by your own yelp.
“i said,” ellie speaks through gritted teeth, repeating herself, “what are we?”
“sinners,” you answer, voice wavering. “so sorry, i– ah!”
another spank, right on the other ass cheek this time. ellie chuckles, her large hands kneading over soft skin to soothe the sting of it.
“we are sinners, and we always beg for forgiveness, don’t we, my angel? so how dare you–” the word dare is punctuated by another spank over the middle of your ass. “-think something so sinful in a time where we are supposed to be holy?"
a pathetic mewl whines past your lips and you tremble even more, “i’m sorry, ellie, but the–”
“don’t be apologising to me,” ellie says, chuckling. she cups your cheeks in her hands from behind, tilting your head up. your eyes focus on the large wooden crucifix hanging on the back wall of the cathedral. “apologise to him.”
“oh,” you whisper, the heat of embarrassment bubbling inside your stomach, rising to your face. “yes. of course.”
ellie’s face appears beside you, a soft kiss pressing against your shoulderblade. “i love you,” she whispers, and she loses sight of herself for a moment – forgetting where her values are, forgetting her internal battles for just a moment to show you something tender, a warning, a reminder that she is playing.
and just when you think the harsher treatment is over, she gives you this short warning that almost doesn’t register in your mind. she slaps your cunt, and she laughs at the way you buck your hips away from her hand.
“this is not going to be gentle. you didn't think your punishment was over, did you?” ellie teases, two fingers spreading open the soaking folds, gathering creamy slick over the pads of her digits. she lives for every reaction you have, every shudder and every little gasp. “tell me, sweet girl, what happens if you sin?”
“y-you’re damned,” you reply, trying to focus your gaze over the cross, and your back arches when two of ellie’s fingers slowly slide inside. “damned to hell.”
“yes,” ellie answers, an audible strain in her voice, where she grits her teeth over the feeling of your walls clenching around her long digits. “and is there a way to save yourself?”
“by… oh, el– by looking to god,” you say. your voice is barely above a whisper, but ellie nods anyway, slowly beginning to move her fingers. “and by apologising, a-and seeking forgiveness from the lord, and y-you can be absolved of s– ffuck.”
ellie is hardly listening to your answer at this point. you can’t see her, but if you could, the look on her face would be tantalising enough. lip pulled between her teeth, thick brows burrowed over narrowed eyes as she watches her fingers coat with your wetness.
“you’re right,” ellie whispers, flitting her gaze up to the back of your head again. “so what are you gonna say now, angel? do you want to be an angel? or keep being a whore?”
“i-i’m sorry, lord,” you plead, a moan choking out as ellie speeds up her pace, thrusting in your pussy, squelching, wet sounds echoing in the church and increasing your embarrassment. “please f-forgive me, for disrespecting you, in a t-time meant for w– ellie!”
the shriek comes as ellie’s free hand spanks your ass again, and she growls, “now apologise for both of us. like we always do.”
you nod, panting softly, but there aren’t many words coming to mind at the moment. think, think, we pray every time. this shouldn’t be hard.
ellie’s fingers slide in and out of you, and she smirks when she feels your clench around her again. the pace is so fast you can’t keep up, and her fingers pound so roughly it almost burns. a knot builds in your stomach, tears in your eyes.
pulled out of your daze, ellie rips a cry out of you as she grabs a fistful of your hair and tugs your head upwards to look at the cross after noticing your head fall. she keeps her grip tight. a hot tear slides down your cheek.
“aw, angel, this shouldn’t be hard,” ellie coos, almost as though she read your mind. “are you sorry?”
“yes, yes,” you whine, hands holding onto the edge of the altar for stability. “please, oh f-fuck, ellie.”
“please? please what, angel?” ellie asks, smirking. “you’re not cumming until you can show god you’re sorry for this.”
“i’m sorry!” you cry, a tear or two dripping onto the white tablecloth on the altar. “please, lord, f-forgive us, we have- are sinning, again, a-and- ahh, mmff,..”
ellie almost rolls her eyes, a large grin on her face that she can’t wipe off for the life of her – you can’t get a full sentence out, and she’s proud.
“please guide us, and p– protect us from future error,” you continue, “thank you for your f-forgiveness.”
“good,” ellie murmurs, easing up some of her relentless pace only to make you more comfortable, “keep cryin’, maybe your tears’ll convince someone to believe you.”
you can’t bother to reply, though ellie’s finally, for once, acknowledged how unapologetic you both are. not sorry, just guilty.
“el– ellie, i’m going to– mm, right, yea, like that please-”
ellie releases her grip on your hair, and hooks a strong arm around you. she laughs as your cunt twitches when her hand begins rubbing at your puffy clit, now with nothing on her mind but the goal of making you cum.
it doesn’t take long after that. a cord in your stomach snaps, unravelling as you shake and tremble and jitter, loud, lewd moans filling the silence of the empty church.
pulling away, leaving your wrecked hole empty, her fingers poke at your lips. as you still come down from such intensity, ellie lets you lean against her while your lips part and take her fingers in, sucking the slick off of them.
“good girl,” ellie whispers, her other hand smoothing your dress down and patting your ass. “you’ll make a perfect angel, so obedient like that.”
you hum around ellie’s fingers, hands lazily grabbing at her wrist, half lidded eyes trained on the veins in her hand.
“i need you to do one more thing for me, can you do that?” ellie asks, taking her fingers out of your mouth. she kisses the corner of your lips, and then grips your shoulders, beginning to push you down. “kneel.”
glassy eyes peering up at ellie, tear stained cheeks and a small pout on your lips, she grunts and reaches for her belt. “ah, fuck...”
she’s ruined you.
unzipping her pants, ellie takes down both the slacks and her grey boxers at once. there’s no time to process anything before she’s got a hand on the back of your head, gently prompting you to move closer, enticing you towards her messy cunt.
ellie looks down at you, huffing a breath out of her nose when she meets your eyes. “c’mere, angel, let me mess up that pretty face even more. just– aw, shit, uh-huh.”
your nose tickled by auburn bush, you press your face against her and flick your tongue out, lapping over her clit. the memory of your dwindling faith is hazy in this moment, nothing but ellie’s moans and taste filling your senses.
“that’s it,” ellie praises, leaning back against the altar to keep herself from growing weak. her hand begins to move your head, and you almost can’t keep up with it. “just so– mmm, ffuck yeah, shit, you’re so fuckin’ pretty.”
hands folded in your lap, there isn’t much you can do but take this, especially when ellie begins rutting her hips towards you. lips and tongue melting between thrusts and the hand moving you up and down, meeting ellie’s pulsing cunt, tasting her essence.
“sh– fuck,” ellie grunts, staring down at you, pretty green eyes jaded in pleasure, bushy brows knit together, and chapped lips groaning explicit praise while she teeters on the edge of orgasm.
“so, so, nnng, s-so fucking good, that’s my girl.”
your desperate whimpers vibrating through ellie’s core are what does it. she fucks her pussy against your face with a guttural moan, head tipped back in pleasure.
and when it’s all over, she lifts you to your feet, redresses herself. chuckling at the sight of your wrecked face, lips and chin covered in spit and slick, ellie kisses you with the gentlest affection.
“good girl, you handled that so well. hm, shit, you’re messy.”
looking for something to clean you off with, the only thing ellie can find around is holy water. smirking, she pours some onto her hands, and massages it over your face.
“amen,” she whispers, nodding her head.
and ellie’s smile grows genuine when half lidded eyes meet her own, and you bow your head.
“amen.”
tags: @dinasvampgf @fadedin2u @eurewili @diddiqueen @machetegirl109 @craz1er4you @divinediorss @onlinelesbo @thecowardwrites
i may consider a part 3 let me know if you want it :) it would be fluffier 😭 maybe they'd leave the church? mybe consummating a marriage iywim... hmm...
#ellie williams x reader#tlou2 x reader#ellie williams x fem reader#⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ fanfic#ellie fanfic#ellie williams fanfic#ellie williams x you#ellie williams x yn#ellie x you#ellie x reader#ellie x fem reader
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HMMNGGGSHSHHSHD IM SO LATE TO THIS BUT THERES SO MANY THINGS IVE WANTED TO SAY FOR SO LONG AND IVE JUST BEEN TOO DEPRESSED OR BUSY TO DO IT
I did just re-read the chapter, hazbin/helluva hyperfixation is gone y’all I’m back and ready for more.
Okay so, a couple of things I noticed. Let’s start there.
Throughout this chapter, it really is heartbreaking to see how Izuku regards one for all as Allmight’s power, and therefore a disrespect to him to give that away. Which is quite frankly insane given the nature of what the power is, but regardless it still shows me just how deeply he still cares for and admires allmight.
It also makes the transfer Izuku makes to Katsuki in the heroes rising movie all the more intimate; izuku wouldn’t just give the power to anyone, if not for himself (which is also clearly due to that fact since he still sees ofa as the thing that makes him a hero, not his characteristics), then simply out of respect for allmight and his legacy.
It’s just the anger you can see, feel in those words as he demands to know why. I’ve personally been in the boat of “Izuku dislikes Kudou immensely bc he hasn’t proven to be heroic and amazing like Katsuki has, and also he insults him a lot why would he like him”, since Izuku does genuinely have self respect (a common mischaracterization imo), he’s just also more forgiving and faithful to those he admires or loves (or both).
SPEAKING OF SELF RESPECT AND MISCHARACTERIZATION!
I want to highlight the words “But even so, this boy refuses to throw in the towel”, bc it’s such an important part of Izuku and his character.
He isn’t overly self sacrificial, he isn’t a masochist, he isn’t even a martyr—especially not a martyr.
Izuku is stubborn. That is not the same thing as wanting to constantly die for others; izuku is like Katsuki, he wants to fight for others. Giving up just simply isn’t in his morality.
And if “giving up” also includes letting someone die or failing to save someone out of his own negligence, that’s not because he wants to die.
I can’t explain how much the interpretation that Izuku wanting to die, even for others, is so fucking out of character. Izuku is stubborn, he’s stubborn in the way that he won’t just fall over and let the ground take him. Given the circumstances, Izuku would fight for his life just as he would fight for another.
THIS HAS BEEN THE CASE SINCE, I DONT KNOW, CHAPTER FUCKING ONE?
“Idiot! If I’d really jumped, you’d be charged with bullying me into suicide!! Think before you speak!!”
“Idiot…”
Like he’s so unaffected by the awful comment outside of being angry at the DISRESPECT of said comment. This is why all those damn suicidal Izuku fics have always felt so ooc. Izuku isnt a moody, brooding ball of depression, he’s a stubborn, courageous, and angry ball of depression. There is a difference.
Even before this, he literally attempts to say something or fight back to Katsuki, honestly it looks like he’s about to punch him here.
The only reason he DOESNT is bc HE DOESNT WANT TO GET HIS ASS BEAT
Btw for anyone who has or ever will be in Izuku’s position, punch him. I love Katsuki But hit him in the fucking gut. If you get your ass beat at least you can say you can took it like a champ.
Speaking from someone who regrets not punching three girls who were trying to gang up on me in middle school🫶🫶🫶
Anyway, I’d argue that Izuku not taking Katsuki in a fight was made out of self preservation, something he very much has.
And last but not least, we get to this lovely fucking page.
First of all…
Hm, ain’t that strange?
I’m not saying it’s fully a parallel, I’m just saying it’s something to consider.
Especially with the context that I don’t think Izuku feels shameful here.
He’s been a hero who didn’t look like one once before, I’m sure a snide comment through Shigaraki is nothing in comparison to the literal hundreds of civilians afraid of him.
Or, even more interestingly, what if he’s shameful of it, and okay with that? Now THATS some control over your emotions. This is demonstrating the very thing Banjo told him in the first place; using his emotions to fuel him. Let himself live with them, breath with them. They exist, and they hurt, and that’s fucking okay.
But it begs the question…. Why bring attention to it?
Clearly horikoshi WANTS you to see that Izuku is the one who looks like the monster now. He even looks devil like, blackwhip coming out of his back the way it is just feels like wings.
But maybe… maybe this is how he stops sweeping problems under the rug. Maybe this is him, Izuku, at his most animalistic form. Him. At his core. This is the Izuku he doesn’t want people to know.
The faceless, long clawed, oozing black monster.
He’s a kid who can take a fucking beating. He’s not Deku the useless doll, nor is he Deku the hero. He’s simply Izuku.
And you know what’s even more likely?
The black pit of anger that Shigaraki has formed, fueling his uncontrolled emotions and anger and despair, with the light tear showing something underneath…
What if, this was Izuku’s black ball of anger and shame, except this one is escaping his body, pouring out and showing all of that for what it truly is. Pent up rage, uncontrolled emotion, anxiety and shame, all mixed into one hell hole of a person—but a ball that can be molded, controlled, torn apart from the inside out.
See, the same way Kudou tears at Shigaraki’s mental breaking to see what’s underneath, so have the ofa users for Izuku. Slowly, but surely, the people in Izuku’s life have, while created that ball in the first place, also worked to destroy it. The final piece of the puzzle is for Izuku to choose to let it happen, and he is.
Learning to sit in one’s fear, doubt, hatred, anger, sadness, grief, happiness—without that emotion having to be something, simply something that flows through you, that you can choose to act on or not; this is where Izuku’s arc is coming to its tipping point. We are nearing the climax, I can feel it.
#bkdk#midoriya izuku#mha deku#bkdk brainrot#bakudeku#bnha deku#bakugou katsuki#mha analysis#deku midoriya#IM FUCKING BAXK BITCHES#I’ve been trying to write this for. not joking. two weeks.#like I have three different versions of this meta that I scrapped completely#they all have their own cool ideas tho so maybe I’ll come back to those#have a good fucking night and happy Valentine’s Day!!!!!!!
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WIBTA if I didn’t let my friend bring their partner to social events?
We are all in our 30s and all trans/NB/queer. My friend (B) and I have known each other nearly 20 years, and over those years they’ve had a rough dating history. They’ve had several emotionally and mentally abusive or neglectful partners, further details about that I won’t give here. I’ve met most of them and they’ve always disliked me for various reasons (usually they were just jealous of the place I held in their life).
Recently though, B seems to have found someone who makes them happy (we’ll call them T) and T treats them better than their previous partners. Which is great! I’m happy for B. But I find T insufferable.
Granted, I don’t have to see T very often, but when I do its always uncomfortable.
The first time I met T they trauma dumped immediately. In the first half hour I knew all about their horrible family but couldn’t tell you any hobby or interest they had. We were in a very public place and I didn’t feel it was the most appropriate topic to get to know someone, but I tried to relate with my own stories all the same. However, T always had to “one up” every story I told. it felt like a “whose childhood was worse” competition.
The second time we all hung out T ignored me completely, really only hanging around and talking to B. Since it was B’s birthday I didn’t really mind at all. Plus, we were at a beercade so everyone was kinda off doing their own thing. But even when we all sat down they just kinda threw looks my way but didnt say a word to me.
But most recently I had hosted a halloween party (it was only 8 folks so tiny party) where B and T both showed up. When T asked me how work was going I started with what I felt was a normal “Ah yeah, it sucks but—” and before I could say anything else they spoke over me to say
“Yeah you’ve mentioned you hate your job every time I’ve seen you so thats sort of my only impression of you :/ ”
(a possibly important side note: B and T are both doing things that they enjoy but have to hustle a bit to make ends meet whereas I have a full time retail job through which i have insurance so leaving isnt as easy for me since I have more tied up in my job than just a paycheck)
This really pissed me off, as not only is being interrupted a huge pet peeve, but there are aspects of my job I enjoy. I just never got to talk about them because the conversation would either divert or we would just stop talking altogether. Also the way they came across felt pretty judgmental.
T then proceeded to spend the rest of the evening talking about everything from the movie to the snacks with therapy speak and trauma processing. (ex: I think I’m locked into this movie because it might’ve been a safe haven for me during my childhood and I just dont remember watching it but I can feel its importance to me) And only ever to B, never engaging with anyone else.
(another note: they are not the only one at the party with anxiety. two of my other friends have severe social anxiety and while maybe a little awkward were still able to hold casual conversations. no one was a stranger to anyone at the party)
This also meant that I didn’t get to spend any time with B during the party either, which was a shame cause I see them so rarely.
I understand that trauma processing is important and its great if you have someone in your life that can help you. It does not need to happen every where all the time. And I’m worried that B might be getting taken advantage of like they have in the past (in the sense that they have to do all the emotional legwork in the relationship and get very little of that effort back).
I’m tired of catering to this attitude and I don’t enjoy being around them, so I no longer want to involve them in group events I host.
would that make me an asshole?
What are these acronyms?
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Lannes let me give you some proper advice
Nobody cares
I understand you can feel down sometimes but this . . . This is just absurd YOUR ACTING LIKE A HYSTERICAL WOMAN! Has Murat been influencing you to act this way, I knew you shouldn’t have been hanging out with him.
Like usual you are over-exaggerating and trying to get attention and like usual I AM THE ONE WHO HAS TO TAKE THE FALL FOR IT. Junot was embarrassing enough, even though he has never been important to me. IMAGINE how MY REPUTATION will suffer if one of my closest generals turns like that.
The whole thing with Duroc is also shameful
You know Duroc can’t deny it when someone needs help but you also know he had his own duties and a child to take care of. Taking advantage of his kindness like that is pure selfishness and not the behavior thousands of French men died for
-Your emperor
*Lannes starts laughing, almost hysterically, but there’s not a lot of humour in his laugh. When he finishes, he recomposes himself. He looks normal now, no sign of the ghostly eyes or cracked legs, but maybe just out of the corner of your eye, you might see a glitch or something weird about him. *
with all due respect your majesty
your the whole fuckin reason im like this.
This isnt because of murat. sure his argyemnt with his woman mightve gotten me a little thinking about my own famile but you know i can be a little down at tiems
this isnt even because im dead! or that my legs are fucked up. dont care bout either of that.
this is all because of you and your reputation, sire, and all because im an unhappy wretch who cares way too much for a stupid whore like you. if you were anyone else id fuckin demand satisfaction for that shitty remark about the deaths of our countryman but since its you all i can do is smile
duroc came to me first anyway its not liek im disturbing him
but i wont disturb duroc with my nostalgia or problemes anymore if thats what you wish!
*Lannes does an ironic salute.*
#dispatches from the marshal#letters intercepted for the marshal's eyes#exchanges with the emperor#(( no hard feelings I’m enjoying this - Lannes is just feeling moody lol ))
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Does anyone else think that Lloyd going off to fight garmadon in SOG (ep True Potential) is kinda portrayed as a $ulcld3 attempt…
I absolutely love the pacing of this episode, how theres this kinda build up of the ninja realising what’s happening as more and more problems bubble up. There is tension, and there is contrast in this tension. The ninja are all kinda layed back, sureley being aware of the problem, but accepting thats its just a challenge they will need to conquer. Lloyd is so much more wound up when compared to them. This is seen very blatanly in the first few mins of the episode- although his bad mood is shown as a consequence of his “heartbreak” with harumi. I think it is a bit bigger then that. Garmadon is, after all, lloyds dad. He still greives for him. A small part of him still wanted him back- stopping harumi was obviously the right thing to do, but he feels as if there was something that could have been done differently. When lloyd discusses going to the jail to fight garmadon, the rest of the team appose to the idea, and he gives in.
When he betrays the ninja by locking them in a room and going to defeat garmadon (in what seems a cheap form of self-sacrifice) the ninja are obviously trying to stop him. They all know, including lloyd, that he is not going to come out of there healthy, or maybe not even alive. Yet he still goes. Was he blinded by his emotions? This is so out of character for Lloyd, and it only adds to the intensity of the scene. The usually calm, sensible character goes out of their way to do an illogical thing.
When the ninja try to convince him not to go it sounds so….
“Lloyd! What are you doing??”
“im sorry nya..”
“NO! You cant!!”
“Come on lloyd…”
“HEY!! we can talk it over! We’ll figure it out!!”
“Im sorry guys, its something i have to do.”
THE CONCEPT IS SO EDGY BUT IT WOULD MAKES THE EP SM BETTER THAN IT ALREADY ISSSS
Also
The car drive/chase is so well done. The chaotic nature, how Lloyd isnt his carefull, usual self. SCARYY. TO THE POINT OF EVEN BEING DESTRUCTIVE?? SMASHING THE CAR SCREEN?? Also. The dialogue once again.
“Dont do this!!”
“Im not in the mood to talk. This ends. Now.”
“No lloyd, this doesnt end now, its a two way frequency! Come on buddy..”
Lloyds mood shift is so appalling. From how calm he was when his plan was in action, to when it was being sabotaged by the team. IDKK SOUNDS SUSSS.
When he fights his dad, his motive is a bit more clear but still not entirely shown- he thinks he could get his father back. He wants to so bad. He feels as if he could get a piece of himself back, a piece of his old life. “I saved you once, I’ll save you again” He is aware that he can not do it. Garmadon is only oni, only the evil part of who he was. Its as if lloyd would be content to die with his blood on his fathers hands, if it meant he could show that he truly meant to save him. Maybe he was so full of anger and love and hate he didnt know what to do with it but go back to its very origin.
When his fight is at its climax and is broadcast, the music hits is highest note. Then he is blasted through the walls, and everything quiets. The music fades to a low and ominous repeating melody. There is a certain type of shame, disappointment dispersed to the crowd, and the ninja.
It could be. Generic unnecessary sacrifice but the way it’s set up seems like so much moreeeee…
#ninjago#ninjago theory#ninjago sons of garmadon#ninjago lloyd#capyfroyo rants#this is so edgy but hear me outtt idkk
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Two sides of the same coin: Goldami analysis
Ok, I’m kinda using the term “analysis” very loosely here, as it’s more of an AU based off of my personal interpretation of Cami and Golden. Anyway, in order to even make this “analysis” out of a ship with two interactions (in which Golden isn’t even himself) I’m going to analyze the characters separately, and then speculate about their relationship based off of that.
If my analysis of the characters are accurate, we can find that Golden and Cami have some things in common, and some things in which they’re polar opposites. We can also see that their relationship could either develop into something very healing, or end in something quite horrible. But let's start from the beginning.
can u guys beilieve this is their only frame together. and it isnt even golden. im losing my mind
Golden Analysis
Let’s start with Golden. He was separated from his mom at a young age and was forced to work since childhood by his grandpa. He wasn’t even allowed to play with his toys, which were seemingly thrown away.
Moreover, his grandpa isn’t even a good guardian, not only does he exploit him, but he’s also not very present in Golden’s life, leaving him to be taken care of by Jeffrey. And when he does show up, he’s far from supportive. The only conversation we have between them is when he guilt trips Golden to try and get him to spend less time with his friends, and then leaves him eating alone.
And to add to all this, Golden was never allowed to play with other kids. We don’t know if it was by command of his grandpa or purely Jeffrey’s idea, but the point is that he has been completely isolated from normal life throughout his formative years.
So, putting all of this together, Golden was robbed of a normal childhood: He has spent all of his life away from kids his age, busy working and not even allowed to play. The only people he could get company from, his family, weren’t even there for him. His only companions were the people he worked with, his babysitter that stuck strictly to his grandpa’s rules, and fans (once he became a singer). He was never able to have a normal relationship with anyone, and the only person who seemed to care for him, his mother, was ripped away from him. It doesn’t surprise me that he believed he had never felt true love until he met the animatronics, since the closest people to him were a man that uses him for money and another man that is just working for him.
This caused him to be extremely lonely, and so desperate for real love, for someone to see him and appreciate him for himself, not for what he can provide. He was so desperate to change his life, to escape, but was completely stuck. Where would he go? What would he do? Who would he call for help?
Thus, if he couldn’t escape physically, the only thing he could do is dissociate to try and cope with his life. Toss all negative feelings as far away as possible, getting rid of the rest of his emotions in the process. Having, as he said himself, a “cold heart.”
Cami Analysis
Let’s move on to Cami. When she was little, she was ostracized by her peers and bullied relentlessly. Being so small, her instinct was to isolate herself from the rest of the kids so as not to get hurt again, leading to more ostracization and bullying for being the "weird loner kid." She was really lonely.
She already seemed like a quiet, reserved kid that didn’t show her feelings, this may even be the reason why she was picked on in the first place, so I believe she had a natural tendency to repress herself. In the face of bullying, her fear, shame, anger and sadness got too overwhelming for her, so she bottled it all up. This way, they wouldn’t see her cry, and she wouldn’t feel so bad, tiny and helpless. I believe that's why she has such a cold personality, she got so used to dissociating her feelings that now she can bareley show them.
This backfired, though, once she made friends: T-trap and Eak. They’re consistently kind, showing her their love, but she still feels lonely even around them, because she can’t relate to them as a result of her repression. She can’t relate to anyone that doesn’t hide her feelings like her, and she doesn’t know anyone like that. It's like she's completely alone in the world. She’s so caught up in thinking that no one likes her because of her cold personality that it took eavesdropping Eak and T-trap’s conversation for her to finally realize how much they appreciate her, going as far as joining Owynn just to protect her.
She sounds genuinely dumbfounded by the realization. But she’s so deep inside her repression that she can’t even process that, and her shadow quickly takes over to maintain the status quo in which Cami can function: one without big emotions, where she’s completely alone.
The basis of the relationship
We can already see some common ground between the two, and that is their response to trauma: to dissociate or repress their feelings. And, of course, their overwhelming feeling of loneliness. This is where the two of them can bond, both a stepping stone for the development of their relationship and what it’s largely based on.
But, how and when can the two of them interact in the first place? Their only canon interaction is in the camp arc, and Golden wasn’t even himself in there. And, well, controlling someone’s mind isn’t exactly a good place to start a relationship, is it?
The thing is, since their loneliness is what sets off their interest in each other, there are limited times in which an interaction between them would bloom into a relationship. Because if Golden is on good terms with the animatronics, he’s not lonely anymore, so why would he interact with a girl he has nothing in common with? Now, we could say that maybe Golden becomes interested in Cami because he sees his past self in her, lonely and dissociated, but Cami wouldn't be interested in Golden if he’s not like her. She already has two great friends that try to help her, why would this one be different? Sure, he was like her once, but not anymore. She wants —needs— someone like her now, not a past, functionally dead, person.
So, we need them to interact when Golden either doesn’t know or isn’t on good terms with the animatronics. When his heart is either still cold or wanting to freeze itself again out of pain. Meaning: before he met the animatronics, after their season 1 fight / the camp arc, or in z3r0 where he loses his memories of them. I will go with z3r0 because it allows for more flexibility. We will assume Cami does have her memories.
We know that Cami has been keeping an eye on the animatronics for quite some time. I imagine she understands, at least on a surface level, how their friendship works, in order to hijack it for whatever it is Owynn’s purpose.
I imagine she also researched them individually for that same reason. Therefore, she understands that Golden is somewhat dependent on them, as she can see how his attitude changed from before he knew them to after the fact.
This is her first peak of interest towards Golden. She can see herself in the lost glance he had as a child. Nevertheless, what she truly wants to do is redeem her first failure: control Golden again, like in the camp arc. She knows how vulnerable he is towards negative energy when he’s not with the animatronics. However, she can’t do it, because Golden is not plagued with negative energy like when he and the band fought, rather, he’s lacking any energy at all. He’s not upset, he’s just not quite there. And, surprisingly, when Cami approaches Golden, he’s confused yet stoked about it. This is the first time, that he remembers, he has talked to someone normally. It’s like with Chica all over again. And so, Cami decides that if she can’t control him right now, and he’s so willing to interact with her, she can instead subtly influence him to do what they want by becoming his friends, replacing the animatronics with the villains.
With this new plan, Cami and Golden get to spend a lot more time together, and realize how much they have in common. Although Cami isn’t talkative, Golden is a conversationalist, and manages to help her open up at least a little, revealing their similarities. The mere fact that the other one exists, someone who is a weird repressed mess like them, is comforting. They’re not alone anymore. Golden is excited about having friends in general, but he’s also especially interested in Cami because of their common ground. He's happy to be his true, unfiltered self with someone and finally opening up. Cami is just glad she’s not as lonely as she thought.
Something they very much don’t have in common is their relationship with music. Golden loves music, although it does make him suffer a little with his career being so time-consuming, it’s still his biggest passion. On the other hand, Cami doesn’t seem to care about music outside of using it as a weapon for Owynn’s plans. How did she learn the violin in the first place? Perhaps she was forced to learn by her family, possibly with good intentions. But, ultimately, she doesn’t like music, because it reminds her of how different she is from everyone else.
Since this is taken from Cami’s song about loneliness, I interpret it as meaning that she doesn’t feel anything evoked by music, from the need to dance to the emotions it causes, she’s completely immune to it. This makes her feel even more isolated, since everyone else seems to understand or feel something in music that she doesn’t.
Still, for the villains, music is nothing more than a weapon. Because you can express emotions with music, and make someone else feel them, it’s a powerful tool for passing negative energy. This is why they want Golden, and why they wanted him in the camp arc: he’s already a musician with a big audience, so if they can get him to express a lot of negative energy to a lot of people, they can control all of them.
The problem is that Golden is not expressing any negative energy in his music, since it’s largely controlled by his firm. In an attempt to fix this, Cami advises him that he should use his music to talk about how he feels. Golden agrees and starts writing, singing and playing the guitar for himself again, but is also excited to show Cami what he’s actually capable of. In the process, he rediscovers his love for music and starts addressing and processing some of his trauma. When he tries to show Cami, though, she confesses she doesn’t actually like music. This only makes Golden more eager, and promises Cami that he’ll find a way to make a song she can connect to, even if she’s the only person that likes it.
Whether it goes sweet or sour
Now that Golden has been writing about his trauma, he’s made progress in healing. He realized that his coping mechanism became maladaptive, making him colder and striping him of most of his emotions. He realized Cami is the same, and that’s why they bonded in the first place, they’re not similar per se, they just deal with their trauma in similar ways. He wants to stop this, to feel again, even if it hurts, and wants Cami to do the same. She doesn’t like the idea. She’s too scared to try and feel anything again, even if it’s good, she doesn’t want to get hurt.
In a way, this is because they have different relationships with their trauma. Golden has conflicting feelings: his memories of his mother both comfort him, because someone truly loved him once, and hurt him, because she’s no longer with him. The same goes with his relationship with his grandpa. He hurts him, and is generally shitty, but Golden still loves him and is grateful for what he has given him. He wants to make amends, work through the negative and find the positive. But Cami’s memories of her bullying only hurt her. There’s no contradiction or positive twist. So, she believes nothing positive can come from revisiting her feelings surrounding it. She wants to keep running away, but Golden won’t leave her alone, because he knows what she’s going through and wants her to heal with him. But Cami only sees this as Golden abandoning her, leaving her to be lonely again. She also feels guilty, both for using Golden and for ruining Owynn’s plans again by indirectly helping Golden start healing.
With this, their relationship is stuck. If Cami decides to listen to Golden (and her friends), they can slowly but surely heal together and confide in each other. This doesn’t address the other circumstances, though, of Cami controlling Golden back in the camp and getting close to him in order to use him for the villains again. I do believe that, as soon as Cami starts healing, she will lose interest in evil schemes. Now that she has committed herself so much to Golden, working for someone who wants to use him would be nonsensical. We don’t know exactly why Cami works for Owynn, but from the way Eak and T-trap talk about saving Cami, it would seem like he’s manipulating her in some way. Perhaps he uses some aspect of her trauma against her, like her loneliness. So, as she heals, he loses his grip on her. She would then have to come clean about it all to Golden, and although it would be difficult for the two of them, I think Golden would ultimately understand that she was being manipulated.
If Cami doesn’t listen to Golden, though, they would become stagnant. They’ll be unable to heal because it could mean the end of their relationship. They’ll be stuck as they are and never grow. In the worst case scenario, things can get ugly.
The thing is, Cami can be a controlling person. We can infer this from her powers: she quite literally controls or otherwise influences other people. It’s not something she seems to actively do outside of working for Owynn, though. The issue is, Golden is part of the villain plan. So, if we combine her controlling tendencies, the desperation of not wanting to lose the only person she has ever related to, and the need to redeem herself (or perhaps using the plan as an excuse), Cami could go back to her old plan and take control of Golden, like in the camp.
First, of course, she needs Golden to have negative energy, which he already does due to the stress and pain of having an argument with her. Then, she uses her powers and takes over his mind. This is already horrifying by itself, completely taking away someone’s agency over their own body for selfish purposes, but it gets worse when we consider it’s Golden.
He’s used to being controlled and he hates it, it’s one of the biggest sources of misery in his life. Having someone he confided in, loved and trusted betray him by doing the exact thing they know pains him so much would be absolutely traumatizing. And to add insult to injury, Golden would learn that, for all that time, Cami had ulterior motives to be with him, trying to use him, his art and his influence for her plans. Once he regained his memories he would also realize that she was the one who controlled him back in the camp. For him, this means that she has always been looking forward to controlling him again. All of this would also destroy him, since one of the things he was desperate for was someone who loved him without wanting anything in exchange.
After getting control back, probably thanks to Freed, it would take Golden a lot of time to trust people again, since it would seem to him that anything he says could be used against him and that no one is truly genuine.
I don’t believe Cami's evil. Once she gets out of her panic headspace, she would realize the amount of harm she’s done to someone she loves and would feel extremely guilty. I don’t think Golden would forgive her, and they wouldn’t become friends again. But I do believe the experience would make Cami realize how fucked up Owynn’s plan is, how much it has costed her, and she would start distancing herself from him, eventually leaving the villains and healing with the help of Eak and T-trap.
To wrap it up
Golden and Cami’s relationship is based on their similarities regarding dissociation and loneliness. They can comfort and understand each other in ways no one else can. Where they have differences, they complement and enrich each other’s perspective.
The problem is that basing most of your relationship on your shared misery and similar coping mechanisms isn’t healthy. As soon as Golden wants to start healing, Cami feels abandoned and her controlling tendencies start showing. Unless Cami decides on time that she wants to unlearn her maladaptive responses too, their relationship becomes stagnant or outright toxic. If she does, they can be really good for each other. But this can only happen if she also distances herself from the villains and comes clean about what happened at the camp. Because if Golden were to learn about all of this from somewhere else, he wouldn’t trust Cami again.
At the end of the day, what they really need is therapy. But they could be good for each other if they do things right.
#fnafhs#fhs#goldami#golden fnafhs#cami fnafhs#mine#fhsz3r0#i KNOW the star dividers dont fit the tone but i rlly wanted each section to end with a picture or something so that's what we have#can u believe this shit is so long and i STILL have stuff to say
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Just say you hate ppl with eating disorders and go
if someone were to promote depression ( literally using a pro-depression tag and telling other people how to get more depressed and encouraging others to self harm and be miserable ) and i said ' tumblr should block that tag ' would you say i hated ppl who suffer froam depression . lol
i have ppl close to me who have suffered from eating disorders and i have a complicated relationship with food myself . its one thing for ppl struggling with an ed to have a space to talk about it , to connect with other people going through the same thing , even to vent about it / their challenging thoughts and talk about when they relapse . its another thing entirely to make posts like " fat ppl are ugly disgusting monsters you have to be skinny pale and frail to be worth anything or beautiful " and then plop urself right into an echo chamber of people obessing and nodding along liek yes yes i must be thin i must be thin all i want is to be thin im disgusting
you are going to die . full stop . you are going to die . your organs will fail and your hair will fall out and your teeth will wear down from the acid of you throwing up so often . you are going to die and it wont be pretty . you are going to die if you do not get out . eating disorders kill people , full stop . liek i need you to understand how serious this is . you either recover or youre dead . this isnt me saying " i dont liek that these people are talking about something thats bad " or " ppl struggling with this should have no spaces to talk about what theyre going through " , this is me saying " the pro ana tag is so incredibly dangerous and tumblr should block it liek theyve blocked countless of other way less harmful tags " . this is me saying im begging you to do some reserach to get out of the echo chamber and i know its not that easy and you cant just say ' wow ur right im healed now thanks ' , but you have to want to get better and that starts with cutting out " thinspo " and to stop encouraging eachother to slowly kill yourselves
liek there are a host of other problems too . the fatphobia is an obvious one , but also the colourism , racism , etc . the pro ana / thinspo communities are obsessed with reaching this ideal of a skinny pale waif , so many blog titles and urls are centered around being ~ fragile ~ and ~ pure ~ and they only ever focus on white girls ( or apparently kpop stars now ) . its an incredibly toxic place . " meanspo " is a thing now ?? i couldnt stomach too much of it
but without getting into the ~ discourse ~ or how ~ problematic ~ those communities are . putting that aside . youre going to die . full stop you either recover from an ed or it kills you . and some people with eds are suicidal and that wont deterr them , for some their goal is to wither away into nothingness . ppl with eds are not healthy , mentally or physically , and that is not a moral judgment , it is a fact . people get eds for all sorts of reasons , from trauma ( abuse , bullying , sa , etc ) , from being fat in a fatphobic world , because they latch onto food as something they feel liek they can control-- there's so many reasons , an endless amount of reasons . i am not here to shame anyone for having an eating disorder
that does not change my stance on the fact that the " pro ana / thinspo " tags ( and their copycats . #proana #proed #thinspi #thinspii #thinspø #thinsp0 #ed not sheeran #ed not sherran #ana miaa etc etc ) are dangerous and should be removed . similar to how someone going into tha #depression tag and promoting and encouraging others to kill themselves should be banned
srsly if someone went into tha #depression tag and started posting and commenting on others posts liek " kill yourself , its never going to get better , heres some accessible ways to die , heres some suicide inspo , heres cute suicide note ideas , kill urself just die prove everyone wrong , everyone will be so sorry and regret the way they treated you , just die " , people would mass report them and dogpile them and be angry at them and get them banned . but when pro ana ppl do it suddenly its " let us cope " lol ????? not all coping methods are good or healthy or should be encouraged / promoted . and self mutilation is one thing , but when you are actively harming others it cant be left alone
to quote Blythe Baird from her spoken word When The Fat Girl Gets Skinny : if you are not recovering , you are dying
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im honestly not sure about how to feel about season 5 and the things that happened in it. like on the one hand, while watching it i quickly noticed how the quality in writing had sort of dropped off a cliff, although most of the individual scenes and arcs are still really good and work. and that definitley influenced how i experienced scenes like fitz going full whitehall on daisy, the lack of any sort of reaction to that by the team, and the infamous "we didnt chose you" scene, along with stuff like jemma apparently not caring what just happened to her best friend at all. none of these felt real to me, it was all very out of character and underdeveloped and often lacked any sort of foreshadowing, i kinda just suffered my way through the season and couldnt wait for it to be over. and after like 5x8 i actually googled it and it turned out i was right, the writers really did have to rush the script. still think its the weakest out of all of them in total.
on the other hand, if you do go the route of getting into it the same way you did with the previous and following seasons, and take what you see at face value, that creates some biiiig problems. because it basically turns everyone outside of daisy and coulson into self-centered, uncaring egomaniacs, and contextualizes some scenes very differently, and i have seen people react appropriately to that a lot in the aos tags.
but aos isnt the kind of show (in my eyes) to do that to the main cast. the entire emphasis of the show is on the found family theme, how these people would die for each other, and how theyre (almost) always there for one another. it doesnt make sense to me that they would intentionally break that continuity in such a crass way. especially not since they continue with that narrative in the next season as if the events of season 5 basically never happened. however, aos is also a show that absolutely does dive deep into the emotional consequences and realities of the stuff that happens to the characters, which makes me very anxious to know what was actually intended by the writers for season 5, because currently its lost between a rushed script and as a result, a distorted interpretation of what they actually wanted to do.
because as it stands, seasons 1-4 feel consistent to me, then season 5 is this mudpit of shame, and seasons 6 and 7 feel disconnected from the rest because of it, especially since they dont attempt to adress any of this and basically pretend like season 5 went the way it was probably supposed to. i feel weird asking for reblogs/asks/comments or whatever, but if anyone who reads this has a theory on how season 5 was actually supposed to be written and interpreted, id appreciate it. and of course, this is just my personal opinion, not judging anyone here.
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saw you're tags from the post where i bag on arise but like. first things first i will say play it if you want! im not controlling anybody do what u want but i wouldnt reccomend buying and playing it bc i cant rationalize any price for it. abyss is a much better and more solid game.
my only praise of the game is that it looks pretty but in the way that a lot of games nowadays look with perfect clean maps and environments.
otherwise? arise is lacking severely to me. i'd describe the main story as "baby's first analysis on racism." it isnt a good analysis of racist societies at all and there are a few games where racism is a topic that comes up (like symphonia) and while it isnt handled the best in other tales games its somehow. worse in arise. the story arc for one guy in the party really is "you were basically a slave owner and part of this cycle of abuse bc u were forced to be but you didnt torture anyone so who cares!" and while he does end up abandoning that system and joining the party to turn on it...the flippancy about it gets me. the story also doesnt help itself by being very impersonal with all of the antagonists, which is a big thing in abyss and other tales that i enjoyed that is completely gone here.
the main party is also more disjointed feeling than in other tales games where a big part of going through the games is seeing the party get closer as time goes on and in arise they do kind of just get boiled down to a basic found family dynamic in the game itself. one character, kisara (the resident *sexy woman*) is essentially boiled down to being a mother and serving the entire party (and it doesnt help considering she is dahnan, which is the ensalved race in the game). there are some little moments of growth between the party members i enjoy but beside these little things it really is just a whatever cast to me.
tl;dr arise just feels like a mess that wants you to take it seriously when it is the weakest tales game ive played.
oh thank you for the thoughtful answer! I think I remember hearing somewhat similar sentiments when it first came out (looks pretty but the plot/characters are a clusterfuck, which for a Tales game is doubly worrying imo) but I was like 'maybe I'll look into it anyway' and, um. Years have passed and I'm chilling with Abyss instead
so seeing those tags just kinda confirmed my suspicions about Arise not really being worthwhile (since pretty much no one plays these games just for the battle system lol), and this ask was really helpful to receive!
It's such a shame when games just kinda. Actively go nowhere like that and set a bad precedent with only tackling issues on a surface level and falling into gross stereotypes
#tales#zero.txt#again i appreciate this ty 😭#getting this posted instead of private if you don't mind#long post
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hey! i started following you only recently so i don’t know if anyone has already asked you, if that’s the case i apologise in advance, but i like the way you express your opinions and the way you put things when you talk about things you like/don’t like, so i wanted to ask you if you liked emily carey’s and olivia cooke interpretation of alicent in hotd ,,
hope you have a nice day/night ✨
Hi babe! Thank you so much - I'm gonna try and sum up my feelings on this because I do have some thoughts. I think by and large we've got it really good with the HotD cast in general theres only very few comments they've made where I personally disgree, and none of those are from Emily or Olivia.
Beyond all the repressed lesbian jokes I do think making the subtext of Alicent's character repression and queerness and shame was... Inspired actually. And that apparently came primarily from the actresses. Emily and Olivia saw the potential on the page and really elevated it. Alicent in the book was sometimes implied to be a bit of a (heterosexual) sex pest, as women are oft remembered to be when history wants to blame them for every terrible thing that happened to them... (should I reference Anne Boleyn again?) So the writers critiquing that element by flipping it on its head for the show, and the actresses taking that and going 'actually she was incredibly sexually repressed and its at least in part because this world would never have even let her recognise what she desired' was a great direction to go with it. Because this is a world that does not encourage women to have any sexual agency, or even an awareness of their own sexuality (in Alicent's case). Just look at Rhaenyra - look at the consequences she faces for the semblance of sexual agency she enjoys. So yeah, call me biased lmao but making Alicent the poster girl for catholic shame and queer sexual repression and then putting her next to Rhaenyra, who isnt ashamed or sexually repressed at all, really drives home how neither of them could win; gilded cage, gilded handcuffs, a gilded knife at your throat... choose your pretty affliction if you like, it all ends the same anyway. And they were always going to make Alicent her father's puppet, someone who cant comprehend her own desires, so the actresses building on that and making her a closeted lesbian, who cannot even fathom what desire means because she is so repressed that she doesn't even know how to want anymore. In a lot of ways her longing for intimacy with Rhaenyra isnt even sexual, because she'd have to cut through the calcified surface of her sexual appetite for what she feels to become lustful. And Olivia herself basically said this I think.
I do think I prefer Olivia's portrayal, even though Emily's young Alicent is still incredibly important to me. I just think Emily's youth worked against her even as it was so necessary to role because Olivia's just a more seasoned actress and she seems relaxed enough to make choices that really added to her performance where Emily has a slight stiffness sometimes. Also its not really a fair comparison because I truly believe Olivia is out-acting every single person on that set, not just Emily. Don't get me wrong they're all incredible actors but the only other person coming at all close for me is Paddy, or maybe TGC (but I haven't seen enough of him yet to say that definitively).
I just keep coming back to the knife scene and how well acted that was by Olivia. The pain and righteous anger was all too palpable and you could really plot Alicent's emotional journey playing out so beautifully in Olivia. She and Paddy really were the dream team the way they played off each other - that shot where Viserys gets in Alicent's face, the uncertainty and guilt in Viserys eyes even as he all but growls at Alicent because even he doesn't really believe what hes saying but hes not going to back down, and Alicent with her tear-streaked face - the realisation he will never ever choose her or her children first even when they are bleeding and pleading for him so obvious in her eyes. I really feel the framing did Olivia so dirty because they made it so difficult for people to truly understand Alicent's perspective but absolutely none of that was Olivia's fault, she played Alicent to a T.
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we're wondering if anyone else is in this situation and how they dealt with it: we have a white (caucasian) body but also a fictive of color. said fictive isnt too distressed about this but does get stuff like skin color and hair (kinky vs straight) dysphoria. we fully acknowledge as a system that we move through society as a white person, having grown up treated like a white person, etc etc. its just a little... awkward sometimes? we know its not racist, but it feels insensitive.
we dont want to say that we're seeking validation but we just have a lot of uncomfortable feelings about the matter and no idea how to begin to address them. any advice anyone could give would be greatly appreciated.
Our best advice here, especially if you’re white, is for this headmate and your whole system to learn more about race, racism, and how to actively be antiracist however you can.
It may feel insensitive to develop a headmate with a different skin tone from the body, but usually, this sort of thing is outside the system’s control. It’s a neutral thing, and it happens pretty often in all sorts of systems. But it can be awkward, a source of guilt or shame, or generally cause a headmate to feel icky about themselves.
The absolute best book we’ve ever read when it comes to learning about racism and how to confront internal biases is the book How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi. You can purchase this book right now on Thriftbooks for less than $10USD.
This book is a huge wealth of resources on racism, what it is, who it affects, and what white people can do about it. In the back, there is an awesome section with tons of books for further reading. We’ve found the best way to confront white guilt, white shame, and white discomfort, is by powering through it and focusing on educating ourselves, despite the discomfort it may cause. Maybe your fictive will find a similar solace through education.
It’s really really hard to unlearn racial biases, confront your own internalized bigotry, and try to make positive changes in yourself and your community. Lots of people start this work, then give up the moment it gets hard. But we think the best way for any white system, with or without dark-skinned headmates, to grapple with these feelings is to not give up. To push through especially when it’s hard, and to be open to listening to and learning from actual people of color.
Learning to be antiracist is a lifelong process. For white people, there will always be more to learn. We will never understand what it’s like to be people of color (ever - it’s not possible for a non-POC person to have a POC understanding of race). So it’s our job to do whatever we can to unlearn our own biases and uplift these folks however we can. And to never, ever give up on learning, and fighting against racism when we see it.
Not sure if this is the sort of advice you want to hear. But it’s what we think, anyway.
💫 Parker and Lucille
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So it seems like everyone who has been vecna’d so far has a secret/thing they feel guilt and self-loathing over. (Chrissy bulimia, Fred the guy in the car, Max Billy, etc.) So thought experiment: who in our Scooby gang has something they’d feel GUILTY about? It doesn’t seem like to me it would be something we the audience have never been given any kind of clue over. So like I just can’t think of anything for say, Dustin - if he is harboring anything that serious, we have never been tipped off about it. Lucas either. Ericka no (not enough screen time to even say). Steve MAYBE Barb but he doesn’t seem to feel how Nancy does about that, and we already have it happening for Nancy anyway. So for me I am left with Will (ugh my poor gay son, and possible guilt about upside down connections), Mike (internalized homophobia/not being able to love El the way she wants him to? Something else? It’s so hard to know what’s going on in his head), El for her fear she’s just someone who hurts people etc etc, and Jonathan (his secret from Nancy, though it doesn’t seem quite that dire to me)…….that’s it? So 4 of them, excluding Nancy and Max who it’s already happening to. Agree? Disagree? Did I forget someone who would qualify based on what we know? (P.S. Robin also could have gay-related trauma ig but idk she seems the healthiest to me, like she is only worried about society’s perceptions rather than wrestling with accepting herself personally.)
i literally never realized chrissy’s was bulimia omg i thought she was throwing up from panicking after having a vision and her trauma was just an abusive mom wow that went right over my head.
anywho yeah i think the only other logical vecna subjects are will and mike because like you said theres not much trauma that we know of for anyone else, and i really think the audience would be aware of the trauma instead of just randomly revealing that one of them is severely suffering from something. the only way it could be something we “dont know” is mike if thats how they reveal hes gay but thats been implied so its not like that would come from no where.
i made this post talking about why i think mike is more likely be to vecna’d than will because most of wills trauma is upside down related and vecna seems to torment with more human trauma. he also tortures with guilt and shame. nancy and max both feel guilty for barb and billy and chrissy probably felt shame for her ed. i dont think will feels any shame or guilt for what he went through because its something that happened to him, not something that he did. he has severe ptsd but because he was a victim not because of guilt.
mike is completely different. he definitely feels guilt and shame from his internalized homophobia. he probably feels guilty that hes been lying to el and not breaking up with her and he feels ashamed that he loves will instead of her. hes a perfect target for vecna.
the only thing holding me back is the fact that finn said he only met jamie bower a couple times. but maybe he is cursed just not completely? like he has the visions but isnt actually greeted with vecna.
i hope its him instead of will because if its will its probably related to liking mike but we already know that. it would be so much better to make it mike. and i dont think will feels nearly as guilty for loving mike and being gay than mike does so it would make more sense.
it would be SUCH a great way to reveal it to the audience because to anybody whos like “what the hell this came outta nowhere” the vision could show flashbacks of all the moments that they missed. that unreciprocated kiss at the end of s3, “its not my fault you dont like girls”, soft moments with will like “crazy together” and the hand hold, will telling him that its scary to open up to people, not being able to tell el he loves her. it would really make them be like “oh holly shit” and they need that moment. god itd be so good i want it so bad.
#stranger things#byler#im getting a blood test tomorrow and i have to fast and im so fucking hungry rn#eden answers
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Hello! I saw that matchup trades were open, and I thought I'd offer you one on my side blog @courtofmatchups
I'd like to send one in for Twisted Wonderland for an OC if that's cool
How Saima describes themself: I like to say I'm a pretty cheerful and upbeat person. I try my best to smile through tough situations, though it can be hard sometimes. I also like to say I'm a family person, and I will do anything to protect them, and my friends. I am perfectionistic, but sadly I am a bit scatterbrained, much to the dismay of my parents and older sister. Hell, I almost burned the eggs I was making for the first time. I have been working on my organizational skills though, and I’m happy to say that I’ve come a pretty long way. I can be quite petty too. If someone wrongs me, I tell them either bad puns or horrifying facts for a period of time as revenge. I'm also good at math, so my friends come to me for help with that. Also, in almost every friend group I'm in, I somehow become a therapist friend. Lemme tell you, THAT really takes a toll on me. I also have a soft spot for unabridged fairytales (they high-key have me in a chokehold). Some more lil' factoids about me: I wear my hair in low ponytails because I don't like the feeling of hair on the back of my neck. My friends and family often told me my hands get pretty animated when I talk
Likes: Anime, drawing comics, video games, unabridged fairytales, sweets (my favourite dessert is caramel pudding) and spending time with my older sister
Dislikes: Cruelty, confrontation (I will kick butt if I need to, literally or figuratively), anyone who dares to threaten my friends or family, arrogance when it gets out of hand, black tea or coffee (I cannot drink it unless it is sweetened or if I have it with a LOT of milk)
-> for saima !
[i’ll be using both sets of pronouns for her] — hope you enjoy!
twst ✦ silver
✦ saima has captured the heart of… silver!
✦ the first meeting is embarrassing for both parties; saima is waving their hand around wildly at the courtyard while chastising ace, and at the very same moment, ruggie is rushing to get leona’s lunch to the savanaclaw dorm, and runs right into silver. he trips, and saima end up wacking his face. hard. and then, since he was in the midst of falling, he hits the ground extra hard. then grimm, who had been on saima’s shoulders panicked, and saima losing balance on the uneven grass, falls down onto silver. its not a romantic position at all….
✦ after the apologies, neither of them could really let the situation go, small as it is. there was so many people around! everyone was looking! silver feels shame at how he did not notice ruggie, or even dodge saima’s flurry of hands. it was unbefitting of someone with knightly conducts. usually, he does not get so worked up so easily, but in particular, he had always wanted to give a good impression upon malleus’ friend, and now because of his tired disposition… 🙁
✦ buuttt it all works out in the end ✨ eventually, the two of them get a moment of time together, and tie off the embarrassing first impressions to start anew a very contrasting friendship! a man with a fatigued countenance and an upbeat prefect! though, it seems that while silver still seems to doze off here and there, he can still reply and recall what saima has said even while he was in a daze! how odd..
✦ silver greatly admires saima’s values in family and the way she is viewing the world, brightened in optimism and trying their hardest! he himself can understand the amount of love and drive that is given with the meaning behind every action. the appreciation they have for one another runs deep, extremely so the more and more they learn of each other and their pasts. he can see how diligent and endearing she is as a person, trying to improve any aspect — though, he isnt too partial to horrifying facts 😨
✦ he doesnt need a therapist, meaning they dont have to exhaust that extra emotional energy. he’s extremely good at listening though, so he will definitely be someone to confide in for saima! they can tackle vulnerable situations together no problem! he’s not too good at comfort, but he will try, and saima can definitely pick themselves back up
✦ absolutely watches anime and abridged fairy tales with saima! as long as he doesn’t need to do much, he’ll definitely be an active participant (as much as he can). he isnt too good with video games or the like, so saima uses it as a bonding activity for the two of them!
✦ theyre just the sweetest, spinning cotton candy with interactions. saima definitely tones down her voice to whisper in his ears to test if silver is awake or not. it sends a pleasant shiver down his spine. but oh, he absolutely adores their voice.
#twst matchup#twst wonderland#twisted wonderland matchup#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x oc#oc matchups#twst silver
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hi! (first time sending an ask so pls lmk if anyone has this emoji but-) i completely agree w/ u that writers should put a warning or smth that the fanfic will be catered to a certain body type as ive read fanfic w/o that and have felt insecure. not saying these writers are intentionally trying to make ppl feel bad, but they need to realize that sometimes their works do cater to thin/skinny body types and letting readers know that rly isnt a big deal. ty for always speaking ur truth! - 🐱 anon
hi nonny! im gonna answer all ur asks in one go <3 (no need to apologize for spamming! i had a moment of 'oh fuck did i say something wrong' but thats just anxiety brain speaking haha)
honestly! i genuinely don't mind if writers wanna intentionally write works for a thinner reader, it'd just be nice for them to write in a little warning at the beginning of the fic <3 i write chubby readers and mark 'em with chubby!reader so my audience knows, nothing wrong w doing it the other way around!
i also wanna say, i remember looking up "seventeen x chubby reader", "svt x chubby reader", or smth along those lines on tumblr but just knowing almost nothing will pop up 💔. until i saw a little fanfic called "tiger stripes" and was baffled that someone actually wrote something that had someone like me in mind. i remember feeling and being so happy about it. just thank you for your svt x chubby reader works because u make us chubby carats feel so seen 🫶🏼 - 🐱 anon
aaaa ty lovely!! im a chubby gal myself so i love writing chubby!reader fics from time to time when inspiration strikes <3 usually i try to keep everything body neutral so that anyone can enjoy my fics (even in my chubby reader fics, i try not to specify how big reader is so that anyone bigger can enjoy them), but sometimes i just gotta aim something for the chubby gals out there <3 tiger stripes is one of my most beloved fics and it genuinely makes me happy to think of my own stretch marks as tiger stripes hehe <3
ah anyway !! hope im not a bother w/ my asks !! i just wanted to tell u this despite my shyness bc idk, i rly feel like u needed to hear it 🙏🏼 anyway, i also wanna add ur a rly good writer and keep on doing what ur doing 👍🏼 - 🐱 anon
u are 100000% fine!! i love talking to anons and ur always welcome to pop into my inbox whenever you feel like it <3 + it does always help to hear that other chubby carats enjoy my work!! mwah mwah ur so sweet
tw fatphobia mentions (nothing explicitly fatphobic tho) // omg though.. i remember finding this [redacted] x reader fic and bc it appeared under the [removed] tag (smth like that) and i assumed that it was catered to fat ppl. but unfortunately it turned out to be incredibly fatphobic w/ it's themes, plot, + y/n. im not saying u have to be fat to write "x fat reader" fanfic but perhaps step away from writing for ppl u have no understanding of if ur gna write stuff like that.. - 🐱 anon
redacting the guy + the tag from your ask purely to try and avoid anyone tracking down the writer by any means! i trust my followers to not do something like that, but i'd feel better reducing that risk in any way <3
oh yikes! i think like... its worth it to sometimes address fatphobia in writing, but that kind of stuff 100% needs a warning! one of my current fic ideas involves a reader who is confident in her body but kinda relapses back to a previous mindset of 'maybe i Should be ashamed of it' after being fully insulted for being a bigger gal and the fic would absolutely have a warning.
i do agree that you def do not have to be a bigger person to write chubby/fat reader fics, but its definitely something you need to be mindful of when you wanna handle the heavier topics. im always happy to weigh in with my own thoughts + experiences, and im sure other people would be, too! no shame in trying to address it in themes/plot, but there's def a difference between endorsing those ideas and discussing them (and i'll say i have no idea which was being done in this fic)
(btw: no one go looking for this writer to say anything to them btw, we do not promote harassment on this blog--anon ur 100% fine to express ur opinions since i've seen fatphobia in reader fics, too, and it's okay to express discomfort with the idea. i'm always open to discussing things as long as they don't point too directly to anyone's work--and i'm equally open to taking down anything that pinpoints a certain writer.)
anyway ur 100% fine to send as many asks as u want!! im always happy to talk to people esp abt topics like this (or in general too!) <3 ty for being polite tho mwah mwah ur v cute
#🐱 anon#wooahaes.ask#asks.anon#fatphobia tw#(for a mention in another ask anon sent)#(im serious btw i removed the guy + the tag to reduce any risk of the writer being found)#(please do not go looking for the writer)
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Realized that i really havent gone and talked about my shuake hcs/dynamics like. Ever. Which is a shame bc i Do like them Alot i just never interact w the (p5) tags. For reasons.
(mandatory disclaimer that i have Not played Royal 😭)
I think like w any ship that includes akiren, the depth of the relationship depends on how you present Your akiren, and how he would address/respond to the diff plot points of the game. Ignoring the way the game has an a linear path (storywise), how does your akiren deal with meeting ryuji? Meeting ann? Confronting Makoto? The pressure of high school and the reputation thats been placed upon him? Everyones got a different answer for these and i think its really interesting!
But w shuake i think it also depends on like. How you interpret Goros background and what led to him being an underage hitman for one of the most powerful men in the country. And i think the best way to determine how people characterize (woobify) him is by determining how much of his situation is his fault. The entire game is “adults failed the children/teens in their life and children/teens are traumatized because of it” and so by default, Goro is never going to be put in the same boat as the adults in this game; he is never going to be as guilty as the adults in his life. But like. He is still. Bad…hfjdndkdk
Theres like Two ways ive seen him characterized (and LITERALLY only these two ways) from people who like Goro, and its “he is my cinnamon roll and hes done NOTHING wrong” and *insert meme* “oh hes such a nice young man! Oh wait hes actually a little fucked up…”; hes my poor little meow meow…
Its this HUGE discrepancy in the way people approach his character that makes him the most susceptible to appearing ooc to almost anyone that looks for content of him. If you think hes a sweet muffin that also regrettably, occasionally, participates in murder because he Has to, you will be VERY upset to see him characterized as the literal opposite; as someone who thrives off of violence and relishes in the misery he causes. And on the flip side, if you see Goro as a fucked up creature, its wildly ooc to see him as anything BUT that.
I genuinely could not tell u what percentage of fans fall in each category (i dont go in the tags and i dont actively use twitter) but so far it feels like a healthy(?) mix of the two. I tend to fall in the latter category; reblogging art that emphasizes alot of the internal struggle he seems to be grappling with at all times. But i also see just as much art of him as your typical blushy tsundere. Which like ISNT bad obviously i feel like i need a disclaimer for that too( MOST of my goro art is him just being red in the face and gay !); there is nothing worse that fandom policing for shit that is hurting no one. Sometimes u just want to wrap up the main antagonist and go “this is MY boy….i will take care of his delicate heart…”. I just. Prefer to Not see that dhdkdnkddk
#long post#peep peep peep#rambled so much i didnt even get to talk about the boys specifically fhdkdkdk#but i am interested in like#for other people who go through the tags and look at stuff on twitter; whats the ratio for u?#or better yet; what are the other ways people characterize goro in the context of this ship ?#i only listed two bc that really IS all that i see#and the ratio is 50/50 BECAUSE i only follow like three blogs that post/reblog shuake content
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