#and there's just the right amount of people and for some reason i like them so much more than the people in rome
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i was sitting next to this guy while hanging out with some friends, and he was always a little flirty, and i never responded to it but i've stayed friendly ya know? this time he put his hand on my thigh, and i just kind of brushed him off and moved away and everything was fine. Now tho, everyone around me is acting like this is a huge deal and he shouldn't have done it and like,,, i get it, but also he wasn't aggressive and he backed off right away so i don't think it was a big deal at all 1/3
now tho my friends want me or themselves to confront him about it and i'm just so ??? because genuinely it was such a small thing to me and it feels like people around me want me to make it into a big deal for themselves more than to stand up for me since i don't think this needs to become A Thing at all, especially for a dude i've met twice and will probably rarely ever see in my life. idk how to get them to back off because it feels like they're not listening to me or don't believe me 2/3
but to put it in perspective i've been more uncomfortable in the past with men putting their hands on my shoulder/arm when trying to pass by in a crowded space than this guy trying to flirt and backing off the second i moved away. any advice on getting my friends to chill? 3/3
hi anon,
this is an interesting one. do you think your friends would recognize the irony if you pointed out that it sounds like they're being far more pushy and dismissive of your boundaries than the man who they want you to stage a confrontation with?
it's noble of your friends to want to look out for you, of course, but supporting people who we perceive as the recipients of inappropriate behavior means listening to them when they express what they actually need to feel supported. in your case, it's letting the entire thing go because this barely even registers as an issue.
I have to say that I'm incredibly inclined to agree with you here; while this lad may have been a bit forward in putting his hand on you, it sounds like his reaction - dropping it and backing off - was exactly what you were hoping for. human interactions are always going to have messy little edges where we bump up against each other and the signals don't quite line up; that's not a crime. what matters is how people react when they're given a No. by your account, this lad took it like a champ, understanding your no and backing off accordingly.
if that's good enough for you then I think it's really overbearing and, as you alluded to, a little self-serving of your friends to keep trying to pursue this and lambast a guy for a completely reasonable interaction. what exactly are they hoping to accomplish? do they want him to make an elaborate written apology to you, a thing that you've made very clear you don't want? do they want him to promise never to touch someone without explicit verbal permission again, a fairly ludicrous amount of control to demand over someone else's behavior? like. what is the end goal, gamers? what are we actually trying to accomplish? are some of your friends perhaps reacting to this based on their own past experiences? that's understandable, of course, but inappropriate when they're ignoring your own expressed desires in favor of their ideas about what they think you should want.
listen: you can't control your friends' thoughts, but you can ask them to shut the fuck up. if you haven't already, I would recommend sending out some kind of mass statement (there's a groupchat, right? this feels like a groupchat situation, which I say as a terminal group chatter) telling everyone that you, personally, are done talking about this and don't want to hear any more about it, and if anyone wants to confront thigh guy about it then they're at liberty to do that but they'd better make very clear that they're not doing so at your request or with your permission.
if you're feeling extra cunty you can top that off with a little "please respect that, since you all say you're so worried about my boundaries" but that may be a little much.
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Some times ago, I posted about the vandalizing of the Wall of the Justs at the Parisian Shoah memorial. The post is here if you are interested, and it got many, many notes, so I thank you very much!
But I hope this post will also get as many notes - because we found the guilty party. We know who did it and... gosh, it sounds like a fucking joke but it is not, and it just proves how complex the situation is, and how dangerous the times we are living are.
If you recalled the obvious guilty party, the first suspects, the ones that seemed to have done that were the so-called "pro-Palestinian" activists that in fact are just antisemitic people disguising their hatred under the pretense of "fighting for Palestine". It is well-known that the pro-Palestinan manifestations, events and representatives in France have all versed at one point or another into very antisemitic comments or actions, and the movement is currently being parasited by antisemitism - ranging from actual antisemites who use "Zionist" as a way to designate all Jews, including French-Jews who never saw Israel in their life ; to people who are taking back antisemitic slogans without knowing they are antisemitic in the first place.
The reason the investigation directly was aimed at them was very simple: the red hands, or red handprints, is a symbol that many pro-Palestine manifestants have been using recently. Which, in itself, sparked a whole new debate - about whether it is an antisemitic symbol or not. Because while for some it is the universal "You have blood on your hands" symbol, for others it refers to the blood of a soldier of Israel on the hands of his murderer, during the second Infifada... And while attacking the Wall of the Justs would have been a new low and a new step for these left-leaning antisemites (because so far they only attacked Jews, now they would attack those that saved Jews and assorted Nazi victims during World War II), it was in line with a new form of radicalization of the movement - see the "Block Out" phenomenon on Internet, a cancel culture aimed at those that did not support enough Palestine... As a personal note I will say: where was all this energy and effort when the it was time to defend the Uyghurs against their wiping out by the Chinese regime? It is still time today, their suffering is still going on... But as a prominent Uyghur activist said (I think it was Rebiya Kadeer, but I do not have my notes with me so I might be mistaken) - people care less about the Uyghurs than Palestinians for one simple reason "Because it isn't Israel that is killing us..." It is China, and as a result nobody really cares...
Anyway, I digress... So while it is known, confirmed and recorded that the so-called "pro-Palestine" activists in France are slowly oscillating and sinking into antisemitism, it isn't actually them who did these red handprints. No, they're not guilty this time.
In fact it is something I talked about when I made my original post: there was another very likely suspect which would have surprised nobody. Neo-Nazis. Because while the pro-Palestinian movement is currently crystallizing in France the entire antisemitism wave that has been on the rise for a decade now among the extreme-left, the extreme-right political groups have also been gaining terran and strength for quite a long time, and now, we have actual neo-Nazi parties very vocal and active today... Due to the ungodly amount of terrorist attacks France had to face, due to the frightening strenghtening of radical and extreme Islam in France, due to the whole endless debates about immigration in France, and due to the hyper-violent civil unrests that are clearly just to cause chaos and nothing else (like the riots following the death of Nahel Merzouk, which clearly were not about the Nahel case and just to cause as much destruction and steal as much things as possible)... Well of course, when these types of problem arise, who gains the upper-hand? The extreme-right.
And so now we have far-right candidates so popular they have a good chance of being elected as the representatives of France, and we have many groups of antisemitic Christian fanatics popping up everywhere, and we have neo-Nazi movements literaly returning like some perverted phoenix from their ashes... As such, it was thought that maybe these red handprints could have been the work of a neo-Nazi movement, who would use the current situation to perform their antisemitic deeds while blaming the extreme-left for it... After all, the two movements have been currently doing the exact same thing. Before the Hamas attack, far-right groups were defacing Jewish cemeteries and soiling Simone Veil's grave with Nazi swastika ; and today far-left activists are "denouncing" Israel by... tagging on Jewish temples drawings mixing the six-point stars with a swastika...
So, you know, the typical horseshoe effect. The two extremes are literaly doing the same things, and as such we have a hard time differentiatng one from another.
But no... Turns out it isn't them either! Turns out... it isn't even French people who did this.
And here's where the dark joke comes... You know who did it? FUCKING RUSSIA OF COURSE!
We forget to so easily that Putin is literaly sending his agents in every friggin' political or social event that goes on in the world right now... And in fact that's the whole point: Putin wants us to be so obsessed with the Israel-Hamas conflict and how Gaza is trapped in it all, so that we forget about how Russia is currently destroying Ukraine.
The investigation found out that the people who painted these red hands were three men that had recently arrived in Paris from Bulgaria... They were staying at an hotel and the very day following their crime, they left France for Belgium (Bruxelles to be precise). Now... You're going to say "So they're just Bulgarians? They're not Russians, nothing proves its Russia". Except for one thing... While yes the involvment of Russia has not been "confirmed", Putin's Russia is not known for its vivid imagination... And they have literaly done the same thing some times ago.
If you recall, I posted about it before... It happened last october. Right after the Hamas attacked the music festival, causing the whole madness we are into today, blue David stars were painted on buildings where Jewish people lived, echoing the dark times of the Nazi Occupation in France... Here is the post I made back in February, and I couldn't guess how far things would go back then... While everybody was getting scared about the return of French antisemitism turned out... It was a group of people from Moldavia that was paid to paint those stars everywhere. Paid by... a pro-Russian, pro-Putin Moldavian businessman, Anatoli Prizenko.
You can read more about this on my old post, but investigation concluded it was indeed an operation where Russian forces used the Moldavians as puppets. All to cause fright and chaos in France. When you consider that Bulgaria, like Moldavia, is unfortunately today one of the "screen-countries" Russia likes to use to shield themselves when doing their dirty chores... Blue stars, red handprints... This is clearly the same thing, done all over again.
And where the "joke" part comes out even more - in the sense of a perverse, venomous, fetid joke part of some putrid dark comedy... Russia has currently been truly harassing France through all sorts of operations, each more outlandish than the next, and yet all working in their own way to cause fear and chaos... More specifically two cases are regularly being brought up.
Case 1: The Doppelgänger operation
In June of 2023, the French authorities warned about what was called the "Doppelgänger operation". A massive campaign of Internet misinformation created by Russia. The purpose was simple: create mirror-websites to the official websites of French information networks, newspapers and TV channels. They were almost identical to the official news outlet of France, to the point many mistook them for the real thing - sometimes the only difference you could spot was in the URL. ".fr" became ".ltd", and ".com" became ".cam".
And all those fake websites shared articles about the Ukrainian-Russian war, articles written purposefully to spread misinformation about Russia. Some claimed that the Ukrainian population were in full distrust of their government and wanted to see it brought down... Others wrote that all the Ukrainian operations were disasters and failures. Some invented fake tragedies and disasters in Russia to try to paint Ukrainians as the villains. And others yet wrote about how the donations of Europe to Ukraine were either wasted by the Ukrainians, or would cause economic crisis in European countries...
Case 2: The bed bugs hysteria
In september of 2023, the discovery of bed bugs on several public places in Paris was shared on social media. Some were discovered in a movie theater, the presence of others was attested in some subway lines... The social media being what they are, it became a hot topic talked about by everybody, shared by everyone - and the facts were exaggerated, and rumors started spreading, and soon an entire mass hysteria started overtaking France. It wasn't just Paris anymore, but all the big cities that were supposedly infested by "bed bugs". People claimed to find them in every public places - every theater, every subway line, every hotel, even in hospitals...
Turns out, there wasn't as much bed bugs as the social media wanted us to believe. It was mostly a sanitary mass panic, echoing the fear caused by the Covid epidemic and fed by the worries about the upcoming Olympic games. And... and also fed by Russia. Investigations revealed that there was a lot of fake accounts, troll accounts and bots created by Russian servers and Russian URLs, and who spent their entire time spreading and sharing bed-bugs articles, writing fake articles twisting the facts, and spamming everybody with news of this mass hysteria..
This is the sore and infuriating conclusion. Remember, everyone, that this isn't just about Israel and Palestine... It isn't just about the Hamas or Netanyahu... And we already knew that, because already in Europe it was clear this wasn't truly about what happened in the Middle-East - it was also about the shadows of antisemitism and the wraith of the Nazi presence, it was about the extreme-left movement spreading from the USA university down to European ones, it became a fight about the Jewish and Muslim populations in Europe rather than in Palestine and Israel - and even more, a political fight between the far-right and the far-left across the continent... But it isn't just about that anymore, because now Putin is in the dance and Russia is gleefully putting oil on the fire in hope it will burn everything... This is a fucked-up chess game with many, many players... That all look the same in the end, somehow, so it becomes hard to identify which one does which move.
But at least we know who painted the blue stars, and who painted the red hands, and who pits the extreme-left against the extreme-right, and is trying to make sure the Jewish people of France are feeling scared in their own country. Putin and what he turned Russia into.
#france#putin#russia#antisemitism#shoah memorial#wall of the justs#putin's russia#russian propaganda#far right#far left#extreme right#extreme left#misinformation#mass hysteria#antisemitic#ukraine
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You seem genuinely nice in your curiosity, so I thought I'd share my thoughts. Maybe this is not the right approach to how to go about interacting on tumblr, but if I notice that there's a blog that I've interacted with somewhat frequently (whether it be liking/reblogging their posts, sending requests when requests are open, etc) and then I notice that interaction is one-sided (either they don't follow me back, they never ever like or reblog my posts and I see them interacting with many others in fandom so I know they are active), I dunno, but I get the feeling they don't like me or my posts, maybe I post too many spoilers, maybe I flood the tags and my posts are annoying or some other third unknown option - and then it snowballs and I worry I'm annoying others with my comments or reblogs or whatever. And I slow my interaction with others out of fear of not being liked or just plain shyness. And sometimes I have unfollowed them. Because, again, I dunno, but I feel like if they don't want to interact with me, perhaps I should not interact with them? When those posts come across my feed because reblogged by a mutual, I will sometimes read/look at if a suitor I like, but when I see who the op is, I become hesitant with interacting, and end up not interacting at all.
I know, devil's advocate - what if this blogger who didn't interact with me has never seen my blog or any of my posts. That might fly in Genshin or HSR fandoms, but not Ikemen. I think by now most everyone knows each other around here (at least those who have been posting for a while and post regularly/frequently). And I'm not the only one who has experienced this...
Thank you for listening to my rambling.
Thank you for sharing your experience!
Hmm... I must admit, Anon, what you've said has left me somewhat conflicted. I can agree that reaching out to a person repeatedly and the effort not being reciprocated can be disheartening. I do think that in this situation it is reasonable to adjust either your expectations ("I know they may not say anything back, but I did enjoy their work regardless, so I will share it." // no expectations of friendship, interacting with posts for the sake of posts alone) or the amount you give out ("I want to have some relationship with this person and they do not reciprocate, therefore I will decrease the amount of effort I put into this." // expectations of friendship, interactions as means of building relationships).
I can tell you that I do not know of a blogger who hasn't appreciated familiar faces in their notification. (Which isn't to devalue your experience. Maybe you met an outlier, maybe this person simply couldn't show it due to their personal circumstances, maybe they thought they showed it and a mismatch in terms of expectations occurred). I can tell you they shouldn't be taken for granted. But I also can tell you that, in some cases, which I do not know whether they are relevant to you, it is simply impossible to give back to everybody.
My experience is what I know best, so allow me to use that as an example. There's over a thousand people following this blog. I do not know all of you. More than this, I do not know all of the creators in the Ikemen Fandom. When I was primarily into Sen, I had no idea who was creating for Pri and was rather surprised to find out that some of those people were considered "big", as I went entirely without ever seeing their names. Even now that I have been invested into Pri for a year, I still find people I have never heard about before... And I still meet people who have no clue who I am or what I do. Likewise, Villains is a fog for me... As I would suspect the "old fandom" may be for you. So, I don't agree with the "most everyone knows each other around here (at least those who have been posting for a while and post regularly/frequently)" statement.
That aside, sometimes it is unfortunate, but it is simply impossible to give back to everybody. And it does suck. Just, hm... I suppose I'd like you to see me now, as it's something I've been struggling with and had to make my peace about? There is only one me. If "just" a hundred of people appear at any given time, or "just" fifty, it is still more than I can reasonably handle. My friendships with people who moved fandoms haven't dissolved and there are only so many relationships I can support. Reliably replying to everything here? I try. But I know I generally can't give back as much as I've received, or at least not in a personal enough manner. It is just too much for a single me. Due to my health issues I am chronically online -- what about people who have more robust offline lives?
Again, I do not know whether that is relevant for your case. It is only that I think it isn't you, as in it isn't about you being a certain way. The situation may just be a result of those mundane circumstances surrounding us. For me personally, a lot of luck is required to expand my circles in a meaningful manner. Of course, it still does suck in the end! Just maybe in a slightly different flavour.
Thank you for listening to my rambles and best of luck <3
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Spent some time trying to see if there was any logical reasoning amongst the Americans refusing to vote for Biden and honestly, not seeing any. There seems to be a complete inability to think ahead.
Honestly, ask yourself:
1) is trump going to be better for Palestine than Biden?
The answer is no. Fuck no.
2) is there anything you can do personally to help Palestinians?
Donate money and protest. Are people being attacked for exercising their free speech on the matter? Yes, and that will continue to happen, possibly to a more extreme extent, under Trump. This country sucks ass.
So all they’re really doing by trying to punish the Democratic Party is convincing themselves that they will avoid having blood on their hands. Somehow, this same logic does not apply to them when it comes to the inevitable outcome, which, since there is no viable third party option, is that republicans win. I guess the republicans can do whatever they want to Americans, Palestinians, and people around the world, and these arrogant, “well read” fools will continue to pat themselves on the back, saying that America was already fascist anyways, that this couldn’t be prevented, that America deserves to fall actually, that voting does nothing, and aren’t they just so enlightened and moral for using “the real tools of the revolution” (which is almost always something that they aren’t willing to do themselves). If 2016 and 2020 taught them nothing, I suppose they’ll be harping on about it until the internet gets shut down.
It’s not a “Zionist take” to want my community to live. This isn’t a choice between Palestinians and Americans who aren’t cishet white men. This is a choice between shit staying the same amount of fucked and possibly improving, and full blown Christian nationalism. I’m guessing most of these people don’t know what that is. They probably didn’t grow up around it and they probably don’t live around it. They probably live in blue states or very blue cities and haven’t experienced right wing religious people consistently enough to really understand the extent of that threat. Or maybe they don’t care about themselves enough to feel like they have skin in the game at all (so fuck the rest of us I suppose).
Grit your teeth and vote for Biden, and if you think you’re too good for it and Trump wins, I hope you experience the fallout in the most direct way possible. If basic logic doesn’t work, maybe some personal experience will, that is, assuming you’ll still be able to vote in 2028.
#I pray this is a small minority in blue states that’ll be going to Biden automatically anyways#stupid fuckers#joe biden#biden administration#project 2025#2024 elections#american politics
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I know the whole man vs bear feminist thing is already pretty played out .. but while I've seen people argue statistics so far none I've seen have highlighted one of the biggest details that has been bugging me since I first saw it.
According to the IUCN (Intl. Union for Conservation of Nature) there are approx. 200,000 bears on the planet. This includes pandas and polar bears. Unless you live in a few very specific places, you wont be likely encountering those two in the wild. Come to type it, none of these species are common daily encounters, unless you already live in the woods.
On the other hand according to The World Bank there are approx. 4,000,000,000 Male Humans on the planet. And if you go outside your home for any reasonable distance for any reasonable amount of time, unless you live in a cult or deserted island, you will almost certainly cross paths with a man.
Now, I'm no math major but on numbers alone I think a woman is far far more statistically likely to encounter a man in her daily life. And seeing as how the vast majority of these women declaring they'd pick bear have NOT been harmed by men (yes I know. And can hear it now: "not yet!". Those people can shut up now, we're talking about standard daily life here not their weird rape fantasies or micropenisaggressions or whatever) I feel like these people are choosing to be willfully blind to the insane ratio of benign encounters they have to ignore in regards to how actually not dangerous their lives actually are.
It's like a bizarre hypochondria or paranoia. Like HP Lovecraft levels of horror at the thought of encountering one of "them." Actually I can see some parrallels with some other recent events also surrounded by hysteria and denial of reality but that's a whole other speech.. Anyway. Whatever this is it is not rooted in reality and it makes us women look like idiots who should never have been trusted with the ballot box if we're so emotionally led as to ignore our own material reality and experiences so easily.
You're right and you should say it.
Aside from the fact that the 1 in 4 and 1 in 5 "statistics" have been thoroughly debunked, just think about how many men you pass every time you go outside. If men were as dangerous as feminist claim they are, "1 in 4" would become "4 in 4" just based on daily proximity alone.
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Would love so so much for you to elaborate on the happiest looks for the oc quartet and what took you by surprise about them and what you think each of them conveys/implies. Sol I'm seeing longer hair and more comfortable less exposing clothing, etc, but can you talk a little about what each of their happiest option looks means and how it took you by surprise and how it contrasts with the reality and why it would be them at their best? thank you!! if you do
oh this is so sweet 🥺 thank u for permission to infodump about my guys.....
reference images here!
i often joke that devin and i have the same gender feelings in opposite directions, which basically boil down to, "i know i'd be a lot happier with my body on prescription hormones, but i am Way too sick right now to give a fuck."
so like. a happier devin is one who's been on E for years and grown her hair out for just as long. i was taken by surprise by Just How Femme she was (...similar to me having some weird masc revelations doing the same exercise for my idealized self).
also was mildly surprised that her clothing remained exactly the same as in the main verse. i played around with all the other clothing options, but a black tank top + ratty pants + bare feet are all Quintessential Devin Items.
the very visible scarring is bc she's never cared if people see that her body is fucked up & i want that to be true in the happy timeline too.
ruby's surprised me in that i didn't have to change much at all to get her Idealized External Self. she's already pretty true to what brings her joy. in professional environments, her clothes are much more muted, but everything she's wearing could come out of her non-work wardrobe.
her hair is worn fluffy instead of in box braids because she would Love to dye her natural hair like this. however she does Not love the need to carve out time and motivation to maintain it every damn day for the rest of fucking eternity, so. box braids it is!
also important is that ruby isn't wearing anything practical. those sandals aren't safe for difficult hikes/on-your-feet labor. that skirt is a massive mound of fabric. that jewelry gets in the way, that shirt has no armoring or support, she hasn't prioritized pockets or a practical bag or hidden defense weapons or anything. this ruby is free of basically all of the responsibility and weight dragging her main timeline self down
sol's long hair surprised me -- she had long hair when she was much younger & she has not wanted to grow it out again for trauma reasons. but she likes it better long. so a long-haired sol is one who's overcome at least some of her trauma. her hair has been silver since birth but the white streaks signify that she's aging gracefully & older than she ever expected to become
as for her clothes, it's comfy athletic wear that she's wearing for the sake of mobility and comfort. (with the red-and-black shoes to sneak in a little of her murder aesthetic.) in the main timeline, she'd SAY that she dresses for herself, but the amount of sharp & tailored & restrictive clothing she wears is.... Definitely for other people. or at least, it's for preserving her own image toward other people.
and then transmasc butch nova. LMAO. GOD.
main timeline nova puts an insane amount of effort into "i'm a pretty barbie girl <333" and has sunk So Much of her self-worth into being blonde and blue-eyed and glowing and gorgeous. she also has watercolor sleeve tattoos, but when i did her full-body picrew tats, black ink felt..... more correct. like. what would your tats look like if you weren't a Rainbow Goddess of Light
and then the rest of it is also very. what would you be if you weren't a Rainbow Goddess of Light. if you take away all the Rainbow Goddess of Light features, nova is.... desperately unhappy. and desperately compensating for something. and i think having top surgery and working as a butch car mechanic somewhere would fix her.
as for the pink shoes and hot topic jewelry, that's just bc i think nova would find it fun to do gnc nonsense. nova-without-divinity isn't A Man or fully married to doing Man Things... i feel like it would be wrong for her to just go as gung-ho for performative masculinity as her main timeline self does for performative femininity. nova-without-divinity is wearing whatever she wants and looking however she wants and being hilarious and delightful while she does it <3 god bless.
#replies#long post#original fiction#original fiction quartet#i started writing this reply yesterday and then fell asleep for almost 24 hours because i had a knife in my eye#still have a slight knife in my eye but it's mostly resolved now. hopefully this is coherent.
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TIGER HRT CHAPTER 4 - MONTH 3 - GROWING PAINS
First - Prev - Next
Everything hurts.
I started noticing it about two weeks after my first dose. It felt like a dull headache at first, but over the next month it spread to pretty much my entire body.
I had to start working from home, and eventually it got bad enough that I could only put in a few hours of work each day. My boss is a reasonable enough guy, but he wasn't going to pay a full time salary for part time hours, so I had to take a salary cut.
Luckily, my partner is around to take care of daily errands, not to mention being there to reassure and comfort me when the pain gets bad. They've been thinking about seeing if Lindwurm HRT is a thing, but they don't want to get the process started until I'm in the clear and can take care of myself again.
Gods I love them.
The reason the pain is happening, as best I can tell, is that my skeletal structure is already changing. I've gotten at least an inch taller, and my face has been reshaping into a feline muzzle. My teeth are getting sharper, and I'm developing proper fangs. I also noticed a little while ago that my fingernails and toenails had receded into their respective digits, which sucks for two reasons - I can't paint fingernails I don't have, and they are sore as HELL when I put any amount of pressure on them. I have to be REALLY careful with how I type to not inflict agony on myself. I'm also feeling my tail growing in, and even if it hurts, it's euphoric as HELL. A tail was always the part I wanted most out of this.
It's weird, the skeletal changes weren't supposed to happen this early. I've been trying to reach Dr. Erian about it, but he's constantly busy, probably because of the sudden surge of people looking for Humanity Removal Therapy.
Other than that, I've been getting areas of white and black fur coming in - mostly on my arms and legs, but a little bit on my face and ears - ears that are gradually reshaping and migrating. Nothing to report on hearing sensitivity, but I think my night vision is getting better.
I did a little bit of looking around for anyone with similar pain experiences. I got my hopes up when I found a girl, Antonina, who had a painful experience with Cat HRT, but it turns out it's because she took the rumoured Fifteen Minute version. She described the pain as "like bathing in an active volcano".
It leaves me wondering whether I would have preferred a 15-minute lava bath over a months-long full-body headache.
I ended up reaching out to her anyway, just because I wanted to know what I was in for in the endgame and feline HRT is rarer than I thought it would be. Sounds like the prey drive is the real deal - she keeps feeling the urge to bite this one girl who's on mouse HRT.
We've been spending some time comparing notes and getting to know each other. It's nice to know someone else who's going through this thing, even if our experiences aren't exactly one-to-one.
I also talked to my mother for the first time in nearly a year. I went No Contact with her a while back because she was only getting more obnoxious and combative about me being trans, but I figured changing my species is a big enough deal that I should keep her in the loop.
Besides, my savings had nearly dried up and I needed to ask her for money.
It… did not go well. She hadn't heard of therian HRT before, and once I explained it, she started panicking about how I'm "mutilating my body" with "untested treatments". I think I also heard her cry something about how her "son" is "killing himself", which is just multiple layers of insensitive.
At least she sent me some money. Hopefully it'll be enough to last until my transformation stops being agonizing and I can go back to work, and then I can go right back to pretending my family doesn't exist.
At roughly the three-month mark, I have a check-in video call with Dr. Erian. From the moment his face appears on screen, though, I can tell something is wrong. He seems… older, somehow.
"Hello, Miss Alexis.", he offers. He sounds tired. Sorrowful, even.
"Hey, doc." I have to ask about it. "Everything okay? You seem a bit tired."
"Nothing to worry about Miss Alexis, just the ordinary stresses of daily life."
Liar. I know I'm not entitled to details of your personal life, much less your professional secrets, but I know when something is eating at someone.
"…Does the word 'crossroads' mean anything to you, Miss Alexis?"
Huh? That came a bit out of left field. "I've… heard some other therian HRT patients use the term, but I don't know much of the details. Something about a point of no return?"
"Something of the sort." He lowers his head and seems to go from sorrowful to downright grim. "There will come a time, Miss Alexis, when you will have to make a very important decision in your care, and I ask that you do so with great consideration for the consequences."
I recoil a little in my seat. "Yeah… Of course I will. Any decision I make, even reaching out to you in the first place, I don't take it lightly."
"Good… That's good." His demeanor shifts back to his stoic, clinical self. I don't know what just happened, but he went somewhere for a moment there.
"Now then, I did receive your messages, I apologize for not getting back to you. You mentioned you were experiencing persistent and debilitating whole-body soreness?"
"Yeah. I can't even leave the apartment most days, it hurts so much."
"Odd… You are taking the treatment as directed, yes?"
"Of course. One tablespoon a week, just like it says on the bottle."
I see his eyes twitch behind his glasses. Did I say something wrong?
"…Teaspoon."
I cock my head to the side. "Say again?"
"You mean one TEASPOON a week, yes?"
I feel my heart sink. The dark smear on the dosage information… I could have sworn it said '1 tbsp/week'.
"…Could you hold on a second please?" I mute the mic and call out to my partner to bring the bottle of tiger HRT over. When they do, I unmute and hold it up to the webcam. I hear Dr. Erian take a sharp intake of breath as he notices the obscured instructions.
I set the bottle aside and the two of us share an awkward silence.
"So…", I begin. "…How bad is it?"
"The good news", he offers slowly, "is that you have only been taking three times the prescribed dose. An increased dose imbalances the growth rate of the different parts of your body, hence your pain and persistent weakness, but it could have been much worse."
I think back to the so-called Fifteen Minute version, and Antonina's description of it - like bathing in an active volcano.
Dr. Erian continues. "Assuming you return to a CORRECT dose, your growth rates will gradually level out over the course of the next month or so. It is my medical opinion that you should maintain a low-activity lifestyle until then, but you will eventually be able to return to your typical activity level, and you will also find that the physical effects become more… consistent."
"That's… reassuring. Thank you, doctor." I pause. Something I noticed a little while ago has been weighing on my mind. "There's one thing, though - do the treatments have… I guess you'd call them restorative or regenerative effects? I've noticed some old wounds aren't there anymore."
The doctor clicks his pen and brings up his notepad. "Interesting. Do go on, Miss Alexis."
"Well… I used to get lower back pain from a car crash injury I got a little over a year ago, but I haven't noticed it at all lately. Pretty much the only part that DOESN'T hurt… There also used to be some marks on my arm from a cat biting me when I was little." I give a slight smile. "The cat's name was Tiger, go figure."
Dr. Erian is writing the whole time I'm talking. "Yes, that is to be expected. Minor persistent injuries will fade over time as your body re-forms itself to a new baseline, even severe chronic symptoms may fade. If there are no other concerns…"
"Just one… Most of the other therian HRT patients I've talked to have gotten their meds as pills, so what's with the potion bottle?"
Dr. Erian pauses, and adjusts his glasses nervously, as if he's been caught out on something he doesn't want to admit to. "Well… advances in the field are occurring rapidly, and you are one of the more recent patients, so a more… streamlined option was available to you. I took the liberty of choosing the most compatible option based on your medical records, and that bottle is it."
"Okay… But what's IN it?"
"The active ingredients are antihominidone, which is your humanity-blocker, and a specialized formula of felistrogen, infused with white tiger genetic material. The rest of the fluid is a suspension used to dilute the effects, without which you would be looking at a short, but excruciating and potentially lethal process."
The Fifteen Minute version, I think to myself. I'm taking diluted Fifteen Minute meds. There's no WAY this isn't experimental, and I'M the experiment. I despise saying it, but maybe my mother was right to worry.
"But I'm afraid I really do have to go, Miss Alexis, my next appointment is waiting."
"G-gotcha. See ya, doctor."
---
Special thanks to @paintedbytosia for letting me write her in, and shoutout to @megamoonerjenny for coming up with 'antihominidone'
#trans#transgender#transwoman#tiger hrt#therian hrt#furry hrt#animal hrt#trans artist#queer artist#my art
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fire & blood rant: spoilers under the cut
Friendly reminder that there is no “Both sides are evil.”
MAJORITY OF TEAM BLACK ARE CHILDREN/YOUNG ADULTS THAT HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG. Let me repeat that: MAJORITY OF TEAM BLACK ARE CHILDREN. This is why I’m so adamant that there is no “Well both sides are in the wrong!” NO. One side is made up of children that are no older than sixteen and the other side has full grown adults committing war crimes left and right. It doesn’t matter which media outlet you consume—book or show, because the crimes that Team Black commit will never amount to anything that Team Green does.
And another friendly reminder: YOU CANNOT JUDGE TEAM BLACK/ROOT FOR TEAM GREEN BASED ON DAEMON AND RHAENYRA’S ACTIONS ALONE!
They are not the majority of Team Black! They are only two people, and you cannot justify being Team Green or even neutral based off their actions alone. Because what are you neutral against? A woman’s throne being taken from her because of misogny? Literal children? The majority of people on Team Black have never done anything wrong. Baela, Rhaena, Jace, Luke, Joffrey, Aegon, and Viserys are CHILDREN. Rhaenys and people like Cregan Stark are good people. When I say I support Team Black, I’m supporting THEM. Daemon and Rhaenyra are NOT the only members on Team Black. When people say “Oh well Daemon did this, oh well Rhaenyra did that—” I roll my eyes because YES, they do some bad shit and unfortunately people use their actions as a reason to not support Team Black.
But what about Jace, who died trying to save his little brothers?
What about Luke, who refused to flee from Aemond despite being terrified—all because he wanted to be a dutiful son and make his mother proud?
What about Baela, who bravely fought Aegon and was the reason he could no longer fight with a dragon?
What about Rhaena, the last dragon rider for hundreds of years?
What about Cregan and all the men who followed him to King’s Landing, knowing they would die but not caring because it meant more people would survive the winter.
THAT IS TEAM BLACK. THEY are Team Black.
And the argument that “Team Green is more interesting,” is bullshit.
Because 19 year old Aemond killing a 14 year old Luke on his baby dragon is interesting? Him burning the Riverlands, never actually fighting a real battle, only going after children and old men who can’t fight back, and taking Alys Rivers as a prisoner of war after murdering the children she used to nurse is interesting?
Aegon usurping his own sister, throwing a feast to celebrate the death of a CHILD is interesting?
Alicent and Otto plotting to usurp Rhaenyra for no other reason other than of their own misogyny is interesting?
Incel Criston Cole, still upset that a little girl rejected him and takes it out on her CHILDREN is interesting?
Yeah, yeah, yeah but Daemon this, Daemon that—
No. Let’s face it, Daemon is the only person on Team Black that gives people a solid reason to not support them. But even then, there are so many other characters besides him. And there is no such thing as “Well both teams are morally grey!”
No.
DAEMON is morally grey. Rhaenyra is neutral AT HER WORST! But Daemon is not the entire Team Black!
People use characters like Helaena to justify being Team Green, as she is probably the only “good” character to root for. But that doesn’t erase the atrocities of the rest of Team Green, just like Daemon being awful doesn’t and shouldn’t define the rest of Team Black as awful.
To make a long story short: There is no “both sides are evil.” That argument doesn’t make sense because majority of Team Black are children/good people that have never canonically done anything wrong and people only root against them because they’re incapable of realizing that Daemon and Rhaenyra’s actions do not define everyone else.
#fire and blood#asoiaf#game of thrones#hotd#house of the dragon#hotd discussion#daemon targaryen#rhaenyra targaryen#jacaerys velaryon#lucerys velaryon#baela targaryen#rhaena targaryen#rhaenys targaryen#corlys velaryon#aemond targaryen#aegon ii targaryen#alicent hightower#team black#anti team green
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kageyama tobio | haikyuu
reference photo: link to the japanese website
model: Ran Takahashi, photo shot by 矢島康弘 (Yasuhiro Yajima i think)
#my art#kageyama tobio#haikyuu#to continue my thoughts from the previous post#look. i used to ship kagehina HARD. i still find them cute. i still find a lot of other haikyuu ships cute#but when i see people *seriously* saying that “everyone in this anime is incredibly gay” i feel so damn confused#the main reason i love haikyuu is precisely because it doesn't have any ambiguous male-on-male fanservice like “free” cough cough#and i feel uncomfortable when i see a huge amount of people scream GAY at every nice interaction between men#but obviously everyone is free to interpret a work of art the way they want#it'll be a cold day in hell when i tell someone they have no right to interpret a work of art a certain way because it's “unethical”#this was just some food for thought#thanks for coming to my ted talk#traditional illustration#pencil illustration#hq
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Let me get this straight, in TVDU:
We blame amnesic Elijah, who erased his memories seven years before Hayley's death, for Hayley's death when he didn't even know who she was and didn't actually kill her.
But we don't blame Kol for Davina's death when he was the one that actually drained her of blood because the ancestors were controlling him.
And we don't blame Freya for torturing and kidnapping Keelin because she did it for family.
And we don't blame Klaus for nearly killing Caroline twice because it was romantic when he saved her from his own venom.
And we don't blame Klaus for nearly strangling Hayley to death because he was just scared of being a father.
Just wanted to make sure I understood where the fandom stands on this.
#the amount of comments I get#“i'll never forgive Elijah”#but they look the other way for every other character#just say you don't like him and move on#or better yet just move on and don't say anything#all of them did terrible things#some times they had legitimate reasons#other times they didn't#but hold the people who actually did the harm responsible#Elijah did a lot of bad things#no need to blame him for things he didn't do#we all know Elijah would never harm Hayley#If he had his memories he would have saved her#he also never would have erased his memories if he had known#also I don't blame Kol for Davina either#blaming him is as stupid as blaming Elijah for Hayley's#like Elijah was the least violent against women#which is a sad sentence to have to write#yet they tried to use him to make a point about domestic violence#Klaus was right there#he loved to harm women#haylijah#elijah x hayley#hayley x elijah#elijah mikaelson#hayley marshall#tvdu#the originals#the vampire diaries#tvd
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Damn. I'm free
#I know i stated a lot before that im not involved with fandoms anymore but like. it just hit me randomly. Im Free#I still absolutely have interests. This is very obvious. But i have no desire of trying to make stuff for others anymore#(except fir my friends hehah)#When i was in the ttcc & pikmin fandoms that was the WORST. Very anxiety inducing year for me because i kept worrying about other people#and what they thought of me and my art#Also those fandoms were just really annoying lol. Toontown more than annoying i cant say anything about it here iuhhh there was#an insane amount of insane things happening with that community its.still happening actualky LOL. I hear about stuff from my friends#But anyways. I just feel so disconnected from everything in a good way if that makes sense#i already got friends and im finally feeling like this blog is mine yaaay#Who gaf about fandoms#Be free.....#This might be because all i care about is my ocs now (& its late and i have a huge burst of energy right now for some reason)#Yes i am very afraid that the focus on them will end but i really dont know what else there is for me to become attached to anymore#Splatoon is my life babeyyy at least it has been for almost 6 years#ill always come back to splatoon❤️#Touhou and woy are the 2nd and 3rd most thought about interests for me#I dont post about them often as in like. make my own art that much. But i think about them almost as much as splatoon#Grahhh
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ok i’m gonna set an alarm but it is not the end of the world if i miss the lecture tomorrow
#i am quite frankly concerned by my attendance. i am not academic weaponing it up. i am being academically attacked#it’s fine it’s fine. i always get caught up and i’d say i’m making it to a solid three quarters of them. but it’s not ideal yknow#turns out living alone is very hard and i am oh so tired. all of the time#which yes is in part bc i’m struggling with sleeping. and also low iron is low ironing bc i’m bad at remembering to take my tablets#and social awkwardness is quite frankly reaching the point where it’s probably just actual anxiety. teebeehaitch#it’s better than it was when i first got here but uhm. not by much#even posting on here is freaking me out a bit bc i keep remembering that i have like. 1700 followers for some reason#like you’re telling me that what amounts to my diary is hypothetically being read by 1700 people. that’s fucking insane. what am i doing#like i only get a few notes on personal posts obviously but still. it kinda freaks me out#might make another blog idk. not right now i am going to have a nap <3 and hopefully attend my lectures <3#i can hear birds singing outside. why do i keep doing this to myself#morganposting
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Also while I am here -- my main problem with people being fucking nasty to Tumblr staff is that I don't want to see excessive vitriol. It's why I don't follow many discourse blogs, it's why I try to avoid engaging in discourse myself. Even things I agree with are not worth defending through vitriol to me.
You're free to talk about however you want on this site to anyone you like. But I am free to move to the other room and not be around you because I am tired of listening to you.
#van stuff#And for the most part -- vitriol is not a thing people tag#my only option really is to just... unfollow and block people#who persistently put messages that amount to 'fuck yourself' in my feed#no matter who they're aimed at#because in my experience if you're willing to say that shit to your enemies#it's only a matter of making a reason for me to be an enemy before you do it at me too#Like#we recognise this as bad#when people do it in a targeted way#we recognise marinading in aggressive rhetoric as bad for you#when it's reactionaries doing it#but for some reason people struggle to realise that certain patterns of behaviour and action are bad for you#EVEN WHEN YOU'RE DOING THEM FOR THE RIGHT REASONS#exercising your god-given right to be a fucking dickhead to randos is a bad pattern of behaviour#please find more productive ways to deal with your anger#I'm not saying you're dong something 'objectively wrong'#I'm just saying I do not like the thing you're doing#and I want no part in it
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...
#this is something i usually wouldnt do because i really struggle talking about shit like this because of things that have happened to me in#the past but anyways#i really need white people to understand that a lot of stuff you enjoy and are able to love has bothered poc for years. muslims.#specifically im thinking of eurovision just because i keep seeing stuff like oh i love eurovision but we have to boycott its the right thing#to do!! and while i appreciate people Finally coming to that fucking conclusion. ever since i forst ever watched it the fact that israel#competed and consistently performed so well with votes etc always bothered me so much. but it was popular. everyone watches it#so you sit and try to bear and endure#idk what im trying to say by this#i guess i just want people to be more conscious and look around them#is there a reason certain spaces are mostly filled with white people? is this a place where poc could even be welcomed or feel safe. most of#the time the answer is no. i think especially with the Slow rise of south asian actors in western media and seeing the way people are#constantly bullied. and even just watching some of my childhood shows/movies and seeing the amount of racist jokes. like i always thought i#knew how bad it was. but being reminded. idk. racism just fucking sucks and i wish white people were able to care about it more without#complaining about their comfort. maybe theres a reason youre uncomfortable#i will probably delete this but for now and for whoever sees this ✌️#le text post
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RRARAAAAAAAAAUUAUUAAGHHHHH
#ITS 12AM AND I HAVE BIG EXAMS TOMORROW#and people are taking my lighthearted post far too seriously and claiming some pretty awful things about my intentions#???????? I'm just some 17 year old who thought housetrucks were interesting#and recognised that they're likely the only kind of accommodation I'd be able to afford once I'm an adult#like YEAH YOUR POINTS ABOUT ROMANI APPROPRIATION ARE VALID and I am willing to listen. I know its frustrating#but also I've looked into the history of housetrucks within nz and the people who first built them?#they just built them out of necessity. not to mimic or romanticise romani suffering. I can't find any mention of romani inspiration#I SPECIFICALLY included photos of NZ HOUSETRUCKS ONLY and not romani wagons or similar because#a lot of new zealanders live poorly and have to resort to that lifestyle. SOME new zealanders live in housetrucks just because they can#but I guarantee you it is a very small amount because they're extremely inefficient and dangerous to live in#the only reason I was posting about them with such excitement is because I'm ecstatic about maybe being able to afford a home before I'm 40#ranting about this in the tags and not in a reblog because goddd dude I don't want to look like some racist prick or something#to the person who reblogged the housetruck post with the stuff I'm talking about#if you're looking through my blog for whatever reason#I understand what you're saying but man that wasn't my intention at all#I'm a burnt out mentally ill IB student who made that post to cope with escapism#I didn't make it to erase romani lives or your culture I just made it because I need a hope for a liveable future#houses in new zealand usually cost over a million dollars I literally just want to look forward to living somewhere#warning bells in my mind right now please please don't twist my words it's 12am and I'm stressed out of my mind#god I feel awful I need to sleep#sick of being on the internet I am so so careful to be as respectful and careful as I can about topics#only to be accused of using gentrifying dogwhistles to appropriate a marginalised group of people ?????#for sharing photos of new zealand specific housetrucks and calling them 'kiwi culture'#I did not mean 'kiwi culture' as in 'invented by and owned by new zealanders'#I meant it in the same way that fish and chips are 'kiwi culture'. obviously we didn't invent either of those things. they just happen to b#a regular part of aotearoa life. RARHRHGHHH#fuck man I'm too worked up over this I never meant to be shitty or appropriate anything I just like housetrucks#I'm going to be a wreck tomorrow I'm too anxious to sleep#so sorry to anyone who bothered to read all of this#just needed. somewhere to put it
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mfw finding out that the localization of hopes literally cut an entire frame out of a scene
like can we not
can we not try to make felix seem more angry and edgy than he actually is by removing him smiling/not being aggressive for the explicit purpose of making him seem significantly angrier as a person/purposely not portraying him in a good light
like no seriously tell me why they literally went out of their way to remove an entire frame of him when it didn't improve the scene to remove it and instead paints him in a worse light
#DCB Comments#they do everything they can and bend backwards to make edelgard so uwu so good and justified#but when it comes to other characters who don't fawn over her they actively go out of their way to#remove scenes and change sentences completely to make those characters look worse#or just totally remove lines that might do her verbal harm. I recall a Sylvain line that got#totally removed from the loc too. in the Felix case it just serves to make him look more mean#and I'm noticing this trend of removing things that make characters seem good/better/nicer unless it's Edelgard#in which they bend backwards to do right by her and add in words to make her seem better#Felix's situation is just like with Rhea where they changed her tone/behavior to match Edelgard's view of her#rather than just translating her lines properly and keeping her tone the same in the loc#for some reason the loc is hellbent on making Rhea and Felix seem like terrible people and removing#most if not all instances of them being good people. it's even more glaring of an issue in Hopes in this case#bc Felix has a dramatically less amount of reasoning to be as aggressive as he in Houses#his banter with Dimitri could've just been friendly and reminiscent of them being childhood friends as it is in JP#but in the loc they just went nah this one single frame makes Felix seem like a better person with better relationships#better cut that out so ppl don't get the ~wrong idea~ about him and think he's actually more mellowed out in this game#-.-#DCB Three Hopes Stuff
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