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wannabemobwife · 3 years

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Guns, Glamour and Goodfellas - Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Leave a Light On

Dad!Mob!Tom x Mom!Mob!Reader

-Pairings: Tom Holland x Reader, Rosie Holland x Henry Osterfield, Family!Rosie Holland x Family!Harry Holland (idk really how to do pairings because most characters have interactions with everyone)

-Warnings: Hospital scenes, sadness, blood, typos

-Words: 4.1K

-Key:

Y/M/N = your middle name

Y/L/N = your last name

Y/B/T = your blood type (if you don’t know you can pick a random one, there is O-/+, AB-/+, A+/-, and B-/+)

A/n: I have a too much fun writing the hospital scenes sorry. And before you at me for a second coma, it isn’t one. Some people just take longer to come out of general anesthesia.

Chapter 11: Leave a Light On

Words: 4K

“Oh my god, she still has a pulse” said one of EMTs in the copter.

“Tell the hospital to have as much Y/B/T on hand when we get there.”

“We got you, Mrs. Holland.”

Everything was a blur. You were taunted by your consciousness ebbing like the tide. One minute you were awake, the other not so much. Noises and smells seemed louder and stronger as your sight was stripped from you. A constant buzzing gave the hint of a helicopter, you were rescued. You wanted to give up at that moment. All your energy had dissipated over the hours of waiting. Giving up would make all the pain go away.

But at what cost? You wanted to see Parker’s and Rosie’s smiling face once more. You wanted to see Tom again. Tell him you loved him because you aren’t so sure he truly believed you the last time. You wanted all these things but it seemed you were meant for a different path.

One without pain, struggle and hurt. One that has only known of peace, bliss, and tranquility. One you ready to say goodbye to and the other hello.

Something beyond yourself was keeping in the position you were in. Struggling to bring oxygen to your lungs, bleeding out liter after liter from your side you were ready and needed to give up. Someone else wasn’t ready.

“Mrs. Holland can you hear me?” A doctor said, shining a light in your eyes to see if you were responsive.

“Mrs. Holland, we are going to take good care of you.”

“Oh, wow... she’s soaked entirely through her bandage. I need all the bags from the blood bank of Y/B/T you can find. She could die of exsanguination any moment.

“Tom,” you whispered.

“What was that? Did you hear that?” Asked the hospital staff, working above you. You reached up weakly, to pull your oxygen mask off for a second.

“Tell Tom I love him, please,” was all you could choke out before a terrifying but familiar sound filled the room. A monotone beep. You were coding.

“I need a crash cart in here. Charging to 200… clear,” called out the doctor. Your body jolted up with the force of 200 joules.

“Charging to 300… clear.”

“Charge to 400, CLEAR,” the doctor screamed.

“Charge to 450—.“

“Doctor we aren’t supposed to give that high of a shock,” informed one of the surgical interns.

“I don’t care, this woman needs to see her kids again… Clear,” The doctor said, delivering a final defibrillation. Your heart rate returned to normal, a steady pulse still weak but there.

“Doctor, she has a pneumothorax (collapsed lung) on her right lung,” said one of the medical personnel using the ultrasound. “Shit, we need to get her to the OR now. Let’s move. I’m not going to let her die on me.” The doctor explained.

A plane ride that was only supposed to be 2 hours and 15 minutes melded into what felt like days. No word from Harry or anyone had come about you and Tom. They all landed and took a car to the hospital. It was enough waiting by then, all they knew is that both of you were found. Neglecting to mention dead or alive.

“I’m here for Tom and Y/N Holland. They were airlifted in. Can we see them?” Nikki asked the person at the front desk.

“No hablo ingles, lo siento,” said the receptionist

“IS THERE ANYBODY HERE WHO SPEAKS ENGLISH?” Dom screamed. “Yes, I do. Did I hear you say you are here for Tom and Y/N Holland?” Asked a man clad in a white lab coat.

“Yes. He’s my son and she’s my daughter-in-law. These are their kids.” Nikki explained gesturing to Parker and Rosie.

“Well ma’am if you’ll follow me. I can tell you in private.” “No, whatever needs to be said, they can hear. They want to hear.” “Still follow me to a private waiting room please, your son is in there. Everyone can come,” the doctor concluded. “Alright then,” Nikki responded, following the doctor to a private waiting room.

“Harry.” Rosie said, seeing her favorite uncle.

“You made it, I’ve been waiting for you guys to hear an update.” Harry was so happy to see the rest of his family. “It’s bad, it was really bad,” Harry explained somberly. “Enough with the dilly dally, just tell me. Is my son dead?” Nikki couldn’t take the waiting anymore.

“They were both brought in barely conscious. Tom had lost some blood due to an open wound on his femur, he has a severe concussion, a few cracked ribs and a small knick on his kidney. He is currently in surgery, they are fixing his kidney. The most he will have is a few stitches but, we are very confident he’ll pull through,” explained the doctor.

“And my mom?” Rosie asked.

“Y/N is currently in surgery, she has protruding wound to the abdomen, a collapsed lung, broken ribs, and a severe concussion. She lost a lot of blood, almost dying of exsanguination. She is in surgery to treat her abdominal wound and her lung. Our biggest concern is sepsis, we are worried an infection caused by the elements will occur.”

“So she’ll be okay, right?” Parker questioned.

“She wasn’t conscious like Tom when they found her. In her case the amount of blood she lost might have stopped bringing oxygen to her brain. If she survives the surgery—“

“If?” Rosie gasped, starting to cry.

“Rosie, let him finish,” Parker snapped.

“If she survives, we don’t know when or if she will wake up. We can only hope for the best. I promise to come back with any further updates.”

“Thank you doctor,” said Nikki.

“I need some tea or coffee or a drink. Anyone else?” Sam said, Dom nodded in response.

“I’ll join you and dad,” Paddy said following Dom and Sam out of the room.

Parker was trying to keep everything inside. He actually appreciated the uncertainty of it all, the longer it went on the longer he didn’t have to hear a definitive answer, that you and Tom were dead.

Parker mainly tried to comfort Rosie but that position was filled once Haz and Henry got to the hospital. It was only 30 mins til another doctor approached them.

“Your son is out of surgery. He is resting in room 302, we are just waiting for him to come out of general anesthesia,” came in another doctor with news.

“Thank you. And my daughter-in-law?”

“She is still in surgery,” informed the doctor.

“Ok, thank you. I’m going to go check on Tom. Parker come with?” Nikki asked, she didn’t want to be alone seeing Tom lie in a hospital bed.

“Sure,” Parker said, following Nikki through the door.

“Harry, you’ll stay here with Rosie,” Nikki called out.

“How you doing, Roo?” Harry asked, moving towards Rosie’s side.

“My mom calls me that,” she said, unmoving towards Harry’s love.

Rosie was still like a statue. But her mind was very active, traveling from place to place. Just waiting for someone to update her on your condition.

“I know. She’ll pull through, Rosie.”

“How can you be so certain?”

“Cause I know your mom. For as long as I can remember she has always been the strongest person in the room.” Harry comforted her, draping an arm over her shoulders. “Your dad is convinced she is indestructible. Sure, she has gotten hurt in the past but she has always bounced back. Hasn’t she?” Harry encouraged.

“Yeah, she has,” Rosie sniffled, wiping her nose with her sweater’s sleeve.

“After everything she has survived, she is still here,” Harry asserted. “When she and your dad first were dating, they’d like to scare each other. Tom must’ve pulled something like 20 guns on her. It was really funny to watch,” Harry grinned.

“Tell me more stories please,” Rosie perked up at the anecdotes.

“Well there was that time when your mom told your dad about being pregnant with both you and Parker.”

“I already know that one.”

“Ok, let me think… oh. One time we pulled a prank on her. All of us, me, your dad, Sam, Paddy and Haz. She was supposed to speak at this benefit promoting something… I want to say a disease… maybe climate change… who cares,” Harry began. “But she is better at it now but she used to be so scared of public speaking. That night at the gala, she had a panic attack and Tom went to comfort her backstage, while the boys and I all went into her purse and switched out her speech for the joke one we made.”

“She went on stage and broke in to a laughing fit. All her nerves dissipated as she stood up there, cracking jokes from left and right. It was really funny because she was so scared she would read whatever was written on the cards. She did end up making a fool out of herself, but it was funny nonetheless. She was so mad at us, she avoided Tom for a week,” Harry finished, reminiscing of that night.

“Wow, that’s mean. Like really mean,” Rosie remarked as his story came to an end.

“No it wasn’t. It was funny, she’ll laugh about it now if you ask her.”

“Was she as mad as she has been lately?” Rosie inquired.

“What do you mean?”

“Mom and dad have been fighting a lot… I’m scared they won’t be able to work it out. I’ve never seem them like this,” Rosie cried, fighting back a fit of sobs.

“Roo, those two? Are you kidding me? They will work it out, they always have.”

“But that isn’t a guarantee.”

“Rosie, your mom and dad have been written in the stars since the beginning. Nothing will ever break them apart. And almost dying really brings people back together. I wouldn’t worry Rosie, they’ll be ok,” Harry consoled her.

Rosie really needed to hear that. Something to get her mind off all the death and sickness that surrounded her. She wasn’t ready to say goodbye. She needed you to hold her once more.

“Mrs. Holland, Y/N is out of surgery now. If you’ll follow me I can take you to her room,” a doctor said to Nikki as she was stroking Tom’s hair, waiting for him to wake up.

“Oh thank god, thank you. Parker do you want to come?” Nikki asked.

“No, I think I’ll stay here with dad. In case he wakes up. I’m not ready to see her like that anyway,” Parker mumbled, needing every excuse to not walk into your room.

Nikki just nodded in response. Nikki was there when Rosie was in her coma and she knew you liked to talk to her as if she was there, so she did the same.

“Hey, Y/N. I’m sorry this happened. The doctors have warned me that you might not wake up and I’m here to tell you that’s not an option. Your kids need you. Tom needs you…. He won’t be able to live without you. None of us will,” Nikki said, holding you hand. As soon as Rosie got word, she was already there. Standing in your doorway peering at your sunken body.

“Mom? It’s Rosie…. It’s your Roo,… why isn’t she waking up?” Rosie came barging in. She’d never seen you in a state like this.

“Mom? Mommy, please,” Rosie said, starting to shake you a bit.

“Rosie, come here,” Nikki said, pulling her into her arms. “She’ll be ok. All we have to do is wait.” Nikki concluded.

In Tom’s room, Parker was still there by his dad’s side. Everything had gotten massively screwed up. He was betraying his own dad and Tom didn’t even know.

“Parker?” Tom croaked out, slightly moving.

“Dad, I’m so glad you are okay,” Parker lunged to hug him.

“Me too, buddy,” Tom said, gritting his teeth to mask the pain.

“How’s mom?” Tom asked, praying you were still alive. It had been a rough night. Images of your half-dead body leaning against him for support plagued his memory.

“Umm… you should see for yourself.”

“What room is she in?” Tom asked, jumping out of bed.

“Dad, I don’t think it’s such a good idea you get up,” Parker exclaimed.

“Parker, don’t you dare stand in my way.”

“Mr. Holland, you’re awake — woah, you can’t get up. Your stitches could rip,” the nurse spoke with a thick Spanish accent.

“I don’t care. Let me see my wife,” Tom yelled.

“You may need to sedate him,” Parker said cheekily.

“Fuck that,” Tom cursed.

“You aren’t doing anything to me till I see her,” Tom asserted, the nurse just nodded in response and brought him a wheel chair.

Parker wheeled him through the hospital. He was about to face his fear as well as Tom. It both being the fact that you were dead and not longer living. They weren’t ready for that.

Tom came into your room and it was like a time machine. All those times he was walked into a room similar to this one with the white walls, white sheets, bright blinding lights and the machines that beep to no end. He was taken back to every time he had seen you lying in a hospital bed.

All the times he knew he hadn’t protected you. All the guilt and anguish came flooding back. Washing over him like a tsunami.

He walked in to see everyone gathered around you. Rosie was sitting on the left side of your bed, clutching your left hand and Henry was next to her keeping an arm around her shoulder. Tom didn’t care about them anymore, all that mattered was you.

“Dad, you’re awake!” Rosie cheered, as she saw Tom in the doorway.

“Yeah baby, I’m okay,” he said, holding Rosie close to his chest.

“I’m scared, dad. I’m scared she won’t wake up,” Rosie cried.

“I know. I am too.” Tom responded, his eyes still fixed to your lifeless figure.

“You know it was just a 5 weeks ago, you were lying a hospital bed just like mom. And she was holding on to your hand just like you are to her. And if you woke up from that, I can promise you she’ll wake up from this,” Tom encouraged.

“You really think so?” Rosie queried.

“I know so.… You know what your mom loves to tell me?”

“No. What?”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“It sounds like her,” Rosie chucked to herself.

“Yeah, it does.” Tom did the same, he was the one keeping you here. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye. 17 years was nothing compared to lifetime he was destined to have with you. Nobody accounts for the times where something so drastic happens that it can change your entire timeline.

Nobody believes they will die tomorrow or get hit by a bus anywhere. People just live in day to day life thinking that they have a 100 years to go.

You’d think by now, he’d gotten used to seeing you in a hospital bed. Maybe grown accustomed to it. On the contrary, every time he’d see you like this he’d go weak at the knees and beg to switch places with you. To be the one lying there, on death’s door, not you

Every time he has made a promise, your life has been put on the line. You are constantly caught in the crossfires. Tom slowly remembered why he hated hospitals so much, especially when they were associated with you.

“We’ll give you two a minute,” Nikki said, motioning for everyone to clear the room so it was just Tom and you.

“Hey, darling. I told you we’d make it. We had two choices either we died together or we made it together.” Tom began, trying not to cry.

“Y/N, I’m standing here and I’m okay. So it’s only a matter of time before I see you again. We promised it would be us together. Don’t you dare go back on that promise from ages ago, I’m supposed to go before you. Ok? It’s supposed to me. You promised me.”

“This one that you have to keep. I know it might be nearly impossible to, love. But there is no but or if, there is only you waking up and seeing me. Seeing your husband who loves you more than life itself. Seeing our two beautiful kids. I know I haven’t been your favorite person lately, so don’t do it for me. Do it for them, Parker and Rosie. They need you, more than they know.”

“Alright princess, it's only a matter of time. I’ll see you soon.” Tom finished, pressing a kiss to your forehead. One of longing, he just wanted to see your smiling face again. He let himself go completely, breaking down the flood gates. Tears started coming and they didn’t stop, they couldn’t.

Haz peered through the open door, to see Tom crying over you, he immediately jumped into best mate mode and went to comfort Tom.

“Hey. It’s ok. You can let it out,” Harrison said, pulling Tom into his arms.

“I was so awful to her Haz. I let her think I cheated on her so she wouldn’t be mad about Rosie and Henry,” Tom cried out.

“Why? What did you do? You know what, that’s not important right now. The point is she will pull through.”

“She could be dying and the last moment I can only remember with her is our fight. I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

“She’s not dying, Tom. Y/N has survived much more than this and promise you, you will say hello again.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Tom said, taking a line from your vernacular.

“Come on, let’s get some coffee… Here, hop on. I’ll push you,” Haz said, grabbing Tom’s wheelchair

“For fucks sake, you aren’t pushing me. I’m not some sick, crippled patient.” Tom exclaimed.

“Well… you did just get out of surgery.”

“I don’t care. I’m not going to let my helicopter crashing be the reason I can’t walk and I am looked at with pity.”

“Alright Tom, I believe we were going to get some coffee.”

“I don’t want to leave her alone,” Tom whispered.

“Rosie will be in here in a moment,” Haz explained.

“Ok.. Roo, can you go sit with your mom while I get your dad some coffee?” Haz asked. Tom still didn’t want to leave you but he knew you would want him to eat something.

“Yes, I’ll keep her safe.”

“I know you will, baby… Hold it. Hey Henry, can I talk to you?” Tom said, holding Henry back from entering the room.

“Dad,” Rosie said, sternly.

“Don’t worry, sweetie,” Tom said pulling Henry to the side.

“I’m sorry Tom.. um I mean Mr. Holland but I love your daughter more than anything,” Henry stammered.

“I just wanted to say thank you for being there for her when.. you know,” Tom admitted.

“Of course, I love her very much. And if the time every comes where I plan on marrying her I will ask for hands in marriage,” Henry promised.

“Woah kid, slow down. This is permission to date. No talking or even thinking about marriage, you understand. Also wear a fucking condom.”

“Yes, sir. Understood… Thanks Tom.”

“You’re a good kid, Henry. She’s in good hands,” Tom grinned, Henry just smiled and returned to Rosie. Returning to his rightful place, in her arms.

“Haz, did you bring me a change of clothes. I need to get out of this fucking gown,” Tom chuckled.

“Are you sure that’s a good ide—“ Haz started but was soon cut off.

“Eh, eh,” Tom interrupted giving him a harsh glare.

“You are not weak, I get it. Yeah, they are in my bag,” Haz concluded.

Tom said, “Thank you,” in return.

The waiting was back and it was killing Tom once again. This time he wasn’t waiting for both your impending deaths, just yours. It was eating him from the inside out.

You didn’t have enough time together. It wasn’t enough. Tom desired more, he needed more. All your favorite moments of you played through his head. Like he was watching a movie of his life with you, his love story.

One specifically, the day he proposed to you. It was hard to top his happiness that day.

All the days leading up to it he was distant and flighty. It worried it you greatly. Was he planning to break up with you? You were consumed with never-ending negative thoughts about your relationship.

It had been a while since you and Tom had a date night. He’d blown you off a few times to plan out the perfect proposal, afraid he’d let the question just slip out somehow. However, that was unknown to you so all you thought was, he’s an ass.

Tom was in his office, planning out how he was going to do it. What he would wear, where he would propose, what would he say. What would you say? He was nervous wreck.

“Haz, I can’t have anyone come in here ok?” Tom ordered. He must’ve practiced it 7 times. Getting down on one knee and declaring his love for you behind closed doors.

“Understood, Tom,” Haz said, giving him a cheeky grin as he closed his door. Not even 10 mins later, you came barging in through the front door. In a fury because Tom hadn’t returned any of your calls.

“Where is he?” You asked Haz. “Y/N?” He said, confused as to why you were here. Well, you did live there.

“Where’s Tom? I have to talk to him,” you asserted. “Why am I asking you? Of course, he is in his study,” you replied to your own question.

“NO, you can’t go in there,” Haz said, following you to Tom’s office.

“And why not?”

“He’s in a meeting.”

“What meeting would he have a 10:30 at night… Unless?” Your heart sank at the possibility of Tom not alone in there.

“Unless what?”

“He has a woman in there doesn’t he?”

“Umm.”

“It’s fine. I’ll go. You won’t see me around anymore. He chose her over me,” you said, trying not to cry. But you weren’t going to put up a fight.

“Y/N it’s not like that,” Haz called after you, trying to stop you from walking away.

“Then what is it Haz?”

“I can’t tell you?… Just go in there and see for yourself.”

“I don’t want see them.”

“Just do it,” Haz ordered, you eventually agreed. Opening the door to a very well-dressed Tom down on one knee holding a blue velvet box in his hands.

“People always spoke of soulmates and I didn’t believe them. But then I found you. And I had never been so happy to be proven wrong. Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N you make me want to be a better man. You are my inspiration for everything. I can’t ever imagine living without you. Will you marry me?” Tom said, oblivious to you standing right there.

“Yes,” you said without hesitation.

“No! No, no. You weren’t supposed to see that. Haz I told you to guard the door,” Tom yelled.

“Yes, Tommy. I’ll marry you”, you continued, hoping he’d hear you.

“God, it's ruined now. I’m so sorry. I had this huge plan take you to the London eye,” Tom apologized profusely, running his hands through the curls atop his head in frustration.

“Tom, you're not hearing me. I want to be your wife,” you exclaimed, you couldn’t contain your excitement.

“You do?” Tom surprised at your answer.

“Yes, that’s what I’ve been saying. YES!” You screamed. Tom immediately grabbed you twirling you in the air and kissed you with all the love and passion you deserved. He had been neglecting you so he wouldn’t spoil it.

He put the ring on your finger. It looked as though it was home. You were his and he was yours. Nothing could top that moment.

Thinking about you and the time spent together. It made it that much harder to say goodbye.

Tom was brought out of his trance as you stirred, starting to wake. All heads and eyes turned towards you.

“Y/N. Honey, it’s ok. You were in a helicopter crash. You’re ok. You’re ok. I’m so happy to see you,” Tom whispered, tucking the hair out of your face.

The moment you came to, your eyes widened and a look of panic adorned your face. You were completely lost. Unaware of all your surroundings. You managed to croak out three words. Not an “I love you,” not words of love, quite the opposite.

“Who are you?”

A/n: Alright, Y/N lived. As I promised, there are 17 chapter in this series, 6 more to go. I will start writing the sequel series once all these chapters have been posted, even though I have it already planned out in my head lol. New chapters every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

Guns, Glamour and Goodfellas Masterlist

Taglist: @dummiesshort @thenoddingbunny-blog @adriannauni @bi-lmg @allthisfortommy

#mob!tom #tom holland #tom holland au #tom holland fanfic #tom holland imagines #tom holland mob au #tom holland series #tom holland x reader #mob!tom holland #mob tom #mob!tom holland x reader #mob!tom x mob!reader #dad!mob!tom holland #mob!tom x reader #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fic #tom holland masterlist

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fallingfor-fics · 3 years

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Teachers Pet-chapter 26: a date

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Chapter 25

After I returned to my room, I washed my face with cold water to wake me up a bit, and put on my uniform and did my hair and makeup. Today was gonna be rough running off no hours of sleep, I mean I did sleep all day yesterday, but I was still going to start feeling the effects of the all nighter soon. The hardest part was not telling Hermione what happened, I just stayed quiet and let her talk the whole way to breakfast and while we ate. I zoned out as she talked to Harry and Ron, picking at my food and looking up at the potions professor.

He walked in a little late and greeted Dumbledore, he went and sat down and looked in my direction, we held eye contact and I just gave a small smile, "Y/n are you listening?" I heard Hermione say I looked at her and then back at Snape, he had turned away and was talking with Filch. "Huh yeah sorry." I said facing her, "Have you got a dress for the yule ball?" she asked, drinking her pumpkin juice. "I don't know if I'm going to go actually." I said looking down at my hands. "Are you kidding? you have too! It's going to be so much fun." I didn't really know what to say, I didn't want to go without a date, but I didn't want to say that in front of Harry after I turned him down. "I don't know" I said shrugging, "Oh come on, I'm going with Ron and Harry's got Ginny, It'll be wonderful." I looked at Harry smiling and Ron just sighed a bit. "Ooo Harry! You asked ginny! Oh my gosh that's amazing who would've thought!" I said teasing him, "Yeah who would've?" Ron said clearly a bit standoffish about the idea, Hermione just nudged him as Harry just laughed. "I'll think about it." I said looking back up at the teachers table, Snape was just picking at his food and I just admired him, thinking about the hectic night we had spent together. I may have been in trouble, but It was still nice to have seen him. I noticed someone else's eyes on me and looked at the other end of the teachers table, Lockhart was staring me down with a creepy look on his face, I just made a gross face and turned back to the trio. I was still wondering what he had up his sleeve, he never punished me for that day after class, and I was always on edge around him. But he was harmless.

I was headed to Snapes for lunch to meet with him to talk to Dumbledore, I was very very nervous, I didn't know what he was going to say or think. My classes had gone smoothly so far, and I was doing fine not stressing about this conversation, but now it was happening and I was terrified. I walked into Snape's room not even knocking because I found no use in it anymore. I saw Snape writing at his desk and shuffling papers together, he looked up at me and I just smiled. "Are you ready to talk to Dumbledore?" I said holding my book in front of me as I walked up to his desk. "Yes, give me a moment." he said, finishing up and standing. "I'm scared." I said bluntly as he walked around his desk and I followed him out of his room and down the hall. "I know, but i'm sure everything will be just fine." he said with a small smile looking down at me. I nodded and we walked in silence the rest of the way. "Will you tell him, I don't know if I can." I said sighing as we approached his office entrance. "What are you so worried he will be upset about?" he said looking at me with furrowed brows. "I don't know, and that's what scares me, I mean what if he just thinks I was being stupid and expells me or something." he just sighed, "Well I won't let him do that, and I don't think hell want to." Just then Dumbledore came walking out, most likely getting ready to head to the great hall. "Well what's going on here? Is she in trouble Severus?" he said grinning. "No Sir, we actually need to talk to you about something." I watched as Severus spoke and looked at Dumbledore, his face got a tad more serious. "Oh?" he said looking at Severus, they had some sort of exchange with their eyes, and I was a little confused. What did they know that I didn't? "Come on in." was all he said and I followed behind Severus.

We sat down in the chairs in front of his desk and he sat down in front of us. "So what is troubling you?" Dumbledore asked, looking at me. I looked over at Severus and he just nodded slightly. I looked back at Dumbledore letting out a breath. "Um last night, I was left a note. And it led me to the Forbidden Forest, and um well why don't you just watch for yourself, instead of me rambling on." I said laughing nervously and gesturing to my head. He looked at Snape and he just stayed silent giving him another look. "Hmm okay." He said smiling. I looked over slightly at Snape as Dumbledore entered my head and looked at the events that happened. I made sure to block him from anything else, and Snape slowly looked at me too, giving me a comforting look. "Wow that is quite a lot my child." he said sighing and giving me a worried look. "Are you alright? Do you feel anything?" he said, his brows furrowing. "Yes I feel fine, and I don't feel anything unusual." I responded. "Hmm well, can you step out for a moment so I can speak to Severus?" he said smiling, "What? No. If you know something, I have a right to know too, especially if it's about me!" I said a little flustered, I wasn't going to leave the room so they could talk about me, I mean I was scared and worried, I didn't need any more secrets being kept from me. He just sighed and I looked to Severus, he just looked at me and then back to Dumbledore, "Certainly she can handle whatever you need to say, Albus." I smiled at him sticking up for me. "I have no doubt she can handle it, but I don't want to scare her anymore than she already is if i'm not sure of anything just yet." He said politely. This was bullshit, I needed to be kept in the loop of things, I began to grow more frustrated as they sat and talked about me as if I wasn't here, I mean it's my body, and it happened to me, so I should be informed of anything they might be aware of. I'm sick of them treating me like such a child, and having all these secrets that they whisper about. I looked down at my feet as they continued on about whether or not I should stay. I looked over at Snape's feet and noticed the shoes he was wearing, they were plain black dress shoes, most of the time they were hidden from his robes, you can tell a lot about a person from their shoes. I had tuned out their conversation but as I stared intently at his shoes, trying to figure out why I felt as if I've seen the same shoes before, I heard a familiar line, "And why should we just expose her to everything now?" Dumbledore questioned, "You know why. She needs to be prepared," I tuned out the rest of what Snape said as a realization hit me. I remembered my first night in the castle, staying in Dumbledore's room. I eavesdropped on a conversation he'd had, and had seen the very shoes and heard the very voice I was seeing and hearing right now. How did I not realize this sooner? His voice was so distinct, I must have been distracted by his cruelty when we first met, and then eventually I would get distracted by my admiration for him, I never stopped to think about this. I slowly looked up to Severus as they continued and examined his face as I thought about what to do. There wasn't much I could do, but something was up, he was talking about me that night, and I'm sure they were talking about me that day outside Albus' office. Everything was making sense, but it also wasn't, I still didnt know why they were so focused about me? "Y/n?" I heard Dumbledore say and Snape looked over at me as I turned to face the old man that now had a serious look on his face. "Y-yes?" I said, I decided to not bring it up right now, and to just try and find out more about what they knew.

"I'm just going to eavesdrop anyway if you kick me out so you might as well tell me what you think is going on." I said before he could continue. Severus let out a sigh and I just ignored it staring at Dumbledore. "Alright, Severus and I think that," he was cut off my Severus, "That it might have just been a trick, from a student or something, and unless you see any changes in yourself, that you may not have anything to worry about." he said looking at me. I looked at him confused and then we both looked back at Dumbledore, "Yes right, we do not believe anything is too concerning as of the moment." he said smiling looking at Severus. I looked at them with a confused face, furrowing my brows trying to figure out what they were saying. "Huh?" I questioned. Severus gave Dumbledore a look and he just nodded, "You have nothing to worry about my dear." was all he said. "Umm okay, I mean I think that's a pretty crazy prank don't you think? and I can't think of any enemies I may have." I said skeptically. "Yes but until we have reason to believe it has caused any effects to your wellbeing, we believe it was harmless." Severus answered looking down at me. I just looked at the two suspiciously and decided to not question it, I mean If they really didn't think anything was wrong, and I was perfectly fine, then it didn't really matter. "Ok if you say so." I shrugged and stood up. "I think i'm going to skip the rest of lunch and just go... study. I'll see you in potions Se-...Professor Snape." I said, smiling as he eyed me to stop me from saying his first name in front of Dumbledore. He nodded and I waved goodbye and hurried out of his office to my room.

All I could think of the rest of the day was what they were hiding, I couldn't imagine them just lying to me like that, but I was sure there was something they werent telling me. I was saying my goodbyes to the boys as we left DADA meeting up with Draco, "hey how's your day been?" I asked as we walked to potions. "Awful Potter was so annoying in Herbology today." he said, complaining and rolling his eyes, I laughed "What did he do this time?" he just scoffed, "More like what didn't he do, all he's got to do is breathe and it's annoying." I just shook my head as we continued down the dungeon halls. I yawned as we walked and let out a breath, "What's with you?" he said looking over at me, "Nothing just tired, I didn't get much sleep last night." he nodded, "Well that makes sense, someone said they saw you walking around last night." he said smiling. "What?" I said quickly looking at him, "Who? What did they say?" I said a little worried someone might have seen or heard something. "I heard it from another Slytherin boy, he just said he saw you leave the common room at like midnight when he got up to go visit his girlfriend. He thought you were a teacher at first so he didn't say anything. Why? What were you doing?" he said, raising his brow at me. I thought of what to say that wouldn't seem suspicious, "I just went for a walk to clear my head." I lied as we walked into the potions class. We walked to the front of the room and sat down. "Well you should be careful, you could get detention if you're caught out at night, especially if you're caught by Snape." I looked up at the dark professor that was seated at his desk reading some papers, he looked over at the mention of his name and we made eye contact, I just looked back at Draco, "Hmm yeah that would suck I won't do it again" I laughed. "Look Y/n I never got the chance to ask you what I wanted to ask you in the library." he said, fully turning to me. "Oh yeah, what's up?" I said as I opened up my textbook and got my supplies out. Most of the students had arrived already, and we were just waiting for Snape's instructions, Draco slowly stood from his seat and I looked over watching as he stepped around in front of me, I saw Snape look up from behind him and eyed him suspiciously, whatever he was about to do, he better not get me in trouble. He took a deep breath and smiled at me, I looked at him confused and he lightly raised his wand, he swirled it and said "Orchideous."' and a pink light came from his wand, followed by a bouquet of pink flowers. I just stared at him with eyes wide and an embarrassed look on my face. "Y/n L/n, will you go to the Yule ball with me?" he said smiling. I stayed frozen in shock and looked around, all the students were now looking at us and I just looked at him, mouth slightly agape, "I- um.." I didn't know what to say, I didn't like Draco that way, but did I really wanna go alone? I looked over at Snape who was watching the whole scene, a slightly disgusted look on his face and his jaw clenched. He made eye contact with me and I gazed into his eyes, looking for...well I didn't know what I was looking for. I almost expected him to look at me and say, 'no don't go with him, I care deeply for you too and I don't want you going with anyone.' But he didn't he just looked at me and his face softened, almost in guilt and he went back to his papers. I lowered my eyes, I didn't know why I thought he would say anything, I looked up at Draco, still smiling and holding out the flowers. "S-sure I'd love to." I said smiling kindly. He smiled and I took the flowers placing them on the table and he sat back down pulling me in for a hug. "I'm so glad you said yes, I think we will have a great time!" he said excitedly. I nodded and looked over at Snape. He was just looking at his papers, he could tell I was looking at him, but he must not have cared that much. I guess I was wrong.

Maybe this was my chance, going with Draco, maybe this was gonna be my way to get over Severus, I always looked for a way out of these feelings, and maybe this was my shot. If I was gonna do this, I was going to do it the right way, and I was going to get over Snape, screw the Amortentia, I was going to go out with Draco, and I was going to be happy with him. He was a good friend, and I'm sure he could make me happy. So it was settled. I'm dating Draco Malfoy.

#snape imagine #severusnape #professor snape #snape #severus snape #severusimagine #severus x reader #severus snape x reader #slytherin #Snape slowburn #hogwarts #HarryPotter

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dontcallmebabyxx · 3 years

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Chapter 1: English Boy

Sage's POV:

7:00am and the alarm went off. It's been 3 days of this new lifestyle I'm trying to live and I'm actually enjoying the extra time I have in the mornings, given the fact I used to wake up somewhere around 11am, but hey! Adulting and productivity at it's finest, or so I like to believe.

I recently moved to L.A to pursue that dreamy fresh start every 20-something year old dreams of. After just a few days here, I found a job in a little coffee shop and have been working there since, it's really cool actually, the place is amazing, the staff is nice and I'm a whore for coffee so it's a win-win situation.

Getting out of bed after checking my phone for any notifications that I might have missed in my sleep, but all I got were a bunch of messages from my sister having a crisis after finishing the last episode of The Vampire Diaries, and I mean... I get her.

I'm really taking this whole new and improved lifestyle very seriously, I'm meditating and everything, even lighting some incense here and there to get the whole scene and mood going.

After my whole yogi moment I went to the bathroom and started getting ready for work. I stared at myself in the mirror and said my daily affirmations: "I'm smart, I'm capable, I'm a bad bitch, I'm worth it, and I'm loved" I tell myself pushing back the memories as I say that last part. Today is going to be a good day because I have an early shift so that means I get to work with my sister, who was the one that got me the job in the first place.

I am pretty basic when it comes to clothes and always prioritize comfort over looks, unless I go out. Only then and there will I risk my wellbeing and wear high heels and tiny ass dresses to remind myself that I can also be THAT bitch. On the day to day I'm pretty basic. I really like warm colors so most of my closet is based around that color scheme.

I made my way (downtown) in this chaotic ass, traffic-filled city that I love very much, hating myself for even thinking about A Thousand Miles as I drive myself to work and officially start my day.

After saying hi to the staff and starting getting everything ready, Sydney arrives.

"I'm sorry! I overslept" Syd said as she rushed behind the counter to the back of the shop and got ready for her shift.

"Chill, it's still pretty early. You still have 20 minutes and I already got everything set up" I reassured her.

"You're an angel, thanks" she said, coming behind me and hugging me.

A few hours into the shift I started cleaning some tables and saw a group of people coming in. And as I was about to greet them, I heard a familiar voice.

"Sage?" I looked at her and recognized her immediately.

"Holy shit Sarah!" I said smiling and hugging her, she hugged me back and introduced me to her friends.

"Guys, this is Sage. We were neighbors back in London". "This is Charlotte" she said and Charlotte greeted me with a hug

"So nice to meet you" She said with a big smile on her face.

"You too!" I said, smiling back.

"And this is Ny", Sarah said gesturing towards her

"Hi!" She said and we hugged too.

We walked to the counter and I took their order.

"Sydney? Since when do you two live here?" Sarah said as soon as she saw my sister.

"We moved here with my dad a few months ago, mom stayed back in London though" Sydney explained smiling at her.

As I gave them their order, Sarah said "we should get together, catch up and drink some wine like our moms did when we were little, it's our time to have those kinds of nights" Us three laughed remembering those days and how close our moms are. "The girls and the rest of the group are coming over to my house tomorrow for dinner and you two are coming" she gave me a stern look knowing that I'm not one to be around many people.

"Fine, we'll be there" Syd and I agreed, exchanging phone numbers with Sarah and getting back to work.

*The next day*

It was nearly 4:00 pm when I left work after my shift ended. Sarah's dinner started at 9:00 but she texted me earlier telling me to be there at 7:00 so we could have some time to catch up just the two of us.

I got home and decided to call my mom to tell her about yesterday.

"Hi mom" I greeted her as she answered the FaceTime call.

"Hi sweetie, how was your day? I'm sorry I couldn't call you back yesterday, the girls came over and we had a wine night" she said laughing.

"It's fine mom, don't worry" I reassured her, "Speaking of wine nights, I ran into Sarah yesterday at the cafe.

"Sarah Jones? Wow, you two hadn't seen each other since she moved! How is she?".

"She's great. I'm going to her house today to catch up and meet some of her friends" I told her.

"I heard from her mom that she's drumming for this English boy, maybe you know him!" She said

"Wouldn't know mom, I just recently started following her social media and haven't had the time to stalk her" I said laughing and she joined me.

We talked just for a little while given the time zone, then said our goodbyes because it was getting late and I had to start getting ready. I headed to my bathroom and began undressing as I put on some music. I chose one of my favorite playlists called "Middle School Me" which is basically my indie-emo-punk phase and I love it.

*Something Good Can Work* started playing and I can't help but move to the little beat as I entered the shower. I did the usual and washed my hair so it's easier to style later.

I finished my shower, wrapping myself in a towel and wrapping my hair on an old cotton t-shirt because I learned from a youtube blogger that that's the best way to prevent frizz, and I hope and pray it works because I've been bleaching my hair and it's coming to bite me in the ass now.

I moisturized and opened my closet deciding on what to wear, and after trying on my top 3 choices, I went for a black dress because you can NEVER go wrong with a black dress, and dressed it down a bit with some black boots and a oversized denim jacket that I stole from one of Sydney's ex.

I like wearing short sleeves because you can see my tattoos, which I love and adore with all my heart.

I got my keys, checked my phone to see if Sarah sent me the address already which she did, double checked that I had everything I needed in my purse and headed to the door. I got in my car and continued listening to my playlist and laughed as Avril Lavigne started playing and I sang along as I made my way to Sarah's house.

I arrived with 10 minutes to spear and rang the bell. Sarah opened the door and gave me a tight hug which I gladly accepted and hugged her as well. "Holy shit, you look great! Come in" she said, giving me space to walk through the door and into her house. She took my purse and my jacket and handed me a glass of wine which I took and thanked her for. "Where's Sydney?" She asked, seeing that I came by myself.

"She has a test on Monday so she stayed home".

"Oh yeah, you live with your dad right?" She asked, sitting down on the couch and I took a seat next to her.

"No, just Syd. I have my own place, it's not that far from here actually" I explained.

"That means you're hosting the next wine night" she said, making me laugh.

After a little catching up I remembered what my mom told me and ask Sarah,

"So, my mom told me you're some English boy's new drummer" I told her, bringing the wine glass to my lips to take a sip.

She laughed out loud "some 'English boy', oh my god that is amazing. But yes, I actually just came back from touring with him. Ny and Charlotte are also in the band and the guys you'll meet today too" she said.

"Oh, and am I meeting the English boy today as well?" I ask grinning.

"Yes, but I'm not telling you who he is, I want to see you shitting your pants when you meet him".

"Is it Tom Misch? Because if it is I will actually shit myself".

"I guess you'll have to see when he arrives" she laughed and I told her that's no fun.

It was now 9-ish and people started arriving. The first one to arrive is Mitch, who I greeted and hugged as Sarah introduced us. And I swear I could feel a type of vibe going on between them but I decided to push aside and interrogate Sarah about it another time. Then Ny and Charlotte arrived and when they saw me they approached happily to greet me which I appreciated because I was starting to get anxious about meeting all these new people.

"I was telling Sage about how we are the band for this 'English boy' as she called him" Sarah air quoted telling them as they sat on the couch and some chairs around the coffee table.

"English boy? yes, I guess you could say so" Mitch said, laughing.

"Hey! it was my mom who called him that in the first place" I said smiling while pouring Ny a glass of wine.

We continued talking about random topics, I told them a little bit about myself, and they did the same. I stood up and went to the bathroom, and as I was walking out the door I bumped into somebody.

"Omg I'm sorry, I wasn't looki-" I stared up at him and holy shit! It's Harry Styles.

"Don't worry about it. It's fine." he said "I'm the English boy, you must be Sage". He said, stretching out his hand to greet me

"Yes. Nice to meet you English boy." I said, stretching out my hand to shake his, blushing at the fact Sarah already told him but not surprised at all that she did.

"Well, if you excuse me I have to take a wee" he said, laughing and I moved to let him go into the bathroom. I walked to the kitchen and saw Sarah there.

"What the actual fuck Sarah Jones?! English boy is THE Harry Styles?" I said shocked to which she laughed.

"He is. I figured you wouldn't know because I know you, and I can tell you don't follow him like you do to others, but I told you you would shit your pants because I know deep down there, directioner Sage still exists" She said, eating a grape out of the charcuterie board she's preparing.

"Ok first of all, I was NOT a directioner. I liked a couple songs and that's it" I joked, trying to minimize it. "And if I had to choose one I'd go with Zayn" I told her, rolling my eyes jokingly. "But still, wow. I really don't follow him or his solo music really, but this is huge Sarah! I'm so happy for you" I told her, feeling genuinely happy for her.

"Yes, we have a great team. I'm giving you a copy of the album because I know you haven't properly listened to it" She said. Which is true. I only listened to Only Angel once on the radio, and it's actually a great song, it was stuck in my head for like a week. I might give this album a chance and crank it in my apartment.

We headed to the living room and Harry followed behind as soon as he exited the bathroom. He got behind me near my ear and said, "Sarah told me you're not a fan, I gotta say it really hurts my ego but I might push it behind and turn you into a fan".

"Oh, really?" I said, raising an eyebrow and turning to him.

"Well, whether or not you become a fan it's up to you, but I would like to get to know you and you to know me, the actual me I mean" he said, sitting next to me.

"We'll see about that" I told him as I brought the wine glass to my lips. I wondered if this thing actually looked hot like in the movies or if I just looked like an idiot.

We continued talking and laughing as Sarah told stories about our teen years and all the stupid shit we did.

"And that's how Sage broke her arm on a date" she finished the embarrassing ass story which I wished she had forgotten, but how could she... she was the one that came to my rescue when I fell down the window trying to sneak out the boys house when his parents got there. We definitely lived the best teen years together, I really missed her and I'm glad we met again.

Around 2:00 am I decided it was time to head back home,

"Guys it was lovely meeting all of you and I'm sure we'll hang out again soon but I really need to go" I said standing up.

"Oh come on Sage!" Charlotte complained laughing, "it's still pretty early".

"I know but I have an early shift tomorrow so I should get going" I grabbed my jacket and my purse and started to make my way around saying goodbye to everyone, thanking that I only had one glass of wine because I wouldn't be able to drive otherwise.

As I got to Harry he smiled as he hugged me "Maybe I'll come visit you tomorrow at work. Ny says your apple pie is out of this world" he said.

"If I may say so myself, it's pretty fucking awesome" I said laughing.

"Bye Sarah" I said, hugging her and walking to my car.

I arrived, got ready for bed, and stared at the ceiling until I managed to push behind all the dark thoughts and memories that haunt me daily, and finally fell asleep.

#harry styles story #harry styles fic #harry styles au #fanfic #romance #teen romance #one direction fanfiction #kennedy claire walsh #lucy boynton

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justreadingfics · 5 years

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Looking For a Heartbeat (ch. 22/26)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Series Summary: You and Bucky used to be in a relationship. Feelings were hurt, you left. It’s been two years and you’re back. You both will handle the reunion well, won’t you?

Word Count: 5,2K

Warnings for this chapter: fluff, cute kids, dad!bucky.

A/N: Thank you @suz-123 for being so amazing. I’m sorry for taking so long to write this one. For some reason it was one of the hardest chapters for me. Ooo, I finally have chapter count and I’ll most likely end it at the 26th.Links are messing up posts, you can find the masterlist link on my description.

*I’m going to add all the amazing stuff some people has made for this story on the masterlist link.(I should add that my Reader character has no specific physical characteristics, this is just one of the possible representations) this beautiful moodboard was made by @buckybarnesbeans thank you babe, I loved it.

By the way, if you somehow feel inspired by my story and want to make a little something out of it, just know you’ll turn me into a very happy writer ;)

~~~

“She’s all wrinkled.”

“Oh, man!”

“It’s ok,” You chuckle when Harry lets the frustrated whisper out at Luna’s comment, one of the two children in his arms, careful not to wake the peacefully sleeping baby in the crib, “She does look a little wrinkled now, Luna. She came out of my belly just a couple of days ago.” You continue and laugh at the grimace the little girl gives at the information.

“I think she’s cute,” Jon whispers just like his father, gaining a smile from him.

“Thank you, Jon,” You reach and fumble with his hair, “She’ll look cuter in time, I promise, Luna,” You add, amused by the kid’s blatant disappointment at the newborn looks.

Summer ended up not having to stay in intensive care, like most premature babies. The first tests had shown the serum has made her healthier than most babies, but so far that’s it. Doctor Nadine explained that, whether it would make her strong like her dad or bring her any other super characteristic or not, only time would tell.

The first couple of days after you brought Summer home have been extremely busy, with a bustle of people coming and going, everyone wanting to take a little peek at the youngest habitant of the tower, showering her with all kinds of presents from this world and others. You don’t mind it, in fact, you love it, this just means how cared for Summer is by so many of your friends… your family. Besides, it’s certainly fun to watch Steve, the massive and respectful Captain America, bursting into ugly crying every time he gets a chance to hold Summer.

Bucky likes the crowd, too. He’s always eager to show off his daughter, bragging about how healthy and big she was when she was born, how quiet she is, how well she sleeps, how cute her little cry is -which it’s not-, but you let him say whatever. Watching how big his love for your baby is will always be one of the most special things you’ve ever seen…

He’s been staying at the tower, in his old bedroom, and hardly ever leaves yours and Summer’s side. Just now, like an hour or so before Harry arrived with the kids, Bucky only left to go grab some clean clothes from his apartment. You suspect he’s staying a little longer…

“We brought presents,” Luna announces, lifting a little box to the air, after her dad puts her and her twin on the floor.

“Shhh, Luna, the baby is sleeping,” Jon places a finger over his mouth, holding another similar box in his other hand.

“It’s ok. Summer sleeps like a rock, thank God,” You give Harry a sigh of relief, who chuckles, before you turn back to the little ones, “Ooo, presents, she loves presents, can I see them?” You crouch, reaching out for the boxes, which they both hand you, bouncing on their legs and giggling.

“They chose them themselves,” Harry says, proudly, sitting on the fluffy carpet, following you and the kids.

They both help you unwrap the boxes, and you find two little figures with big bouncy heads. You know what they are. Funko Pops. They’ve made a few of the Avengers before, including one from you.

“This is Luna Lovegood.” Luna announces as you stare questioningly at the little figures. She leans over and points to the female one. A blond little girl with big and weird colored glasses.

“This is Jon Snow.” Her brother, points to the male one, all in black and holding up a sword.

You shoot an entertained look at Harry, who only cringes and try to hide into himself.

“Oh, wow, Luna and Jon. It’s you guys?” You ask, already knowing the answer.

“Hum-hum,” They both nod, “And we’ll protect Summer when she cries.” Luna adds.

“Oh,” Your heart melts as you smile and your eyes can’t help but water at the sweetness of their intent, “That’s amazing. Thank you so much.” You bring the little Funkos to your chest, “Summer will love them and I’m so glad she has you guys to protect her. I’ll put them on the shelf right next to her crib, alright?”

They seem pleased with the information as they lift up their chin and smile widely. After giving each a kiss on the cheek and add Harry as a receiver of the thankful gesture, you get up to place the little images on the shelves with Summer’s many stuffies her dad bought her. Not to mention the human size one Tony gave her and now occupies a great deal of the room.

“Mr. Bucky!”

You hear them both shouting in unison and look over your shoulder just in time to watch the two little kids running and throwing themselves at Bucky, who promptly catches them by the door.

“Ugh, hey, hey,” He adjusts them on each arm, grinning, “How are you guys doing?”

“We’re fine, your little baby is sleeping,” Luna informs quickly, swinging her legs and playing with a lock of his hair absentmindedly.

“She’s cute,” Jon adds from the other arm making Bucky’s smile grow even bigger.

“She is, isn’t she, pal?”

“She’s a little too wrinkled now, but Y/N says she’ll get cuter soon, we brought her presents, look, there’s a huge bear over there, bigger than you, Mr. Bucky,” Luna utters quickly and effusively, with her usual and childish honesty.

Bucky laughs a full belly laugh, before placing them back on the floor. He smiles at you before turning to Harry, who’s now standing up, trying to find some place on his clothes to shove his hands into.

“Hey, man,” Bucky clears his throat and his smile drops a bit when he reaches his hand for Harry to shake.

“Hey, ahm, Summer is beautiful, congratulations,” Harry says, accepting his handshake.

The smile tugs at Bucky’s lips again at the mention of Summer, and after thanking him and letting go of Harry’s hand, he walks towards the crib to watch her sleeping.

You sigh, grabbing a couple of stuffies to show the kids… You noticed how tense Bucky got at the sight of Harry …You hate that.

“Oh, well, well, if it ain’t the Super Spy twins I see? I should take cover.”

“Auntie Nat,” Another burst of happy squeals fills up the room and you’re thankful Summer really seems to be a pretty heavy sleeper so far.

The twins rush to go give Nat a hug. You can’t help but beam at the scene. Nat has told you she and Harry had took the kids on a couple of dates - without actually telling them about the true nature of their relationship and by the “auntie” before “Nat” and the excitement on their little faces as she crouches to receive their hug, the dates were a success. You couldn’t be happier for your friend.

Glancing over Harry, you spot the stupid and infatuated look you have ever seen someone put on as his gaze is stuck on the three of them. When his eyes flicker and meet yours, he instantly straightens up, clearing his throat and blushing harder than when he met Steve.

You chuckle quietly, but doesn’t say or let out any sign of the fact you know exactly the cause of the dumb look on his face. If they want it that way, you respect that. All this while Bucky remains oblivious to the scene, completely enamored of the little figure on the crib, just staring at her, like he’s done a lot the last few days.

“Hey, Nat,” you greet, with a smirk adorning your face as you saunter over her, raising a suggestive eyebrow before you hand the little stuffies to Luna and Jon.

“Ahhh, so cute,” Luna yelps and she and Jon entertain themselves with the little bears.

“Hey, hot mama,” She greets back, kissing your cheek, “Hey, there,” She says in her huskiest voice and nods at Harry, taking a not so subtle bite on her lip as she shamelessly gives him a once over.

“H-hi, hey,” He stutters, adjusting his glasses. He doesn’t even dare to look at your direction. How haven’t you noticed those two before?

“Where’s my girl?” Natasha turns back to you - as if she hasn’t just almost murdered Harry – and puts emphasis on girl. After Summer was born and the secrecy was over, Nat was the absolutely cheeriest in finding out Summer was a girl. I knew it, not a traitor. You believe these were the exact first words she said to the baby with happy tears in her eyes, “Is our little sun, asleep?” She asks, already moving over to the crib.

In line with her question, the cry Bucky insists on calling “sweet” fills up the room.

“There she is,” you laugh and everyone’s attention turn to the little baby already in Bucky’s arms.

You walk over him as he rocks her and simultaneously checks her diaper, “Ooo, a pretty girl needs a change,” he announces, “Hey, Nat,” He smiles, “It’s ok, it’s my turn,” He addresses to you when you reach to take her, and, as he strikes a baby talk with Summer, he already places her on the changer. You notice he ends up touching her with his metal arm – the gentlest of touches- which makes you feel relieved and proud at the same time.

“Oh, ok. I think it’s time to feed her again, too. I’ll do it after you’re done.” You say.

As he starts the process of changing Summer, with the most tender moves you’ve ever seen, Nat stands beside him, caressing her face with the back of her finger and quietly singing a Russian lullaby to soothe her exasperated crying. Your heart turns into a puddle at the scene of two of the deadliest assassins in the world at the complete mercy of the little baby.

“Ahm, we should go, kids.” Harry calls from behind you, enticing effusive lament sounds from the little ones, who’ve been playing with the stuffies.

“Oh no, you don’t have to,” You try to argue as you turn back to them.

Summer has now eased down her crying, allowing Auntie Nat to the rescue, “Why don’t we go grab some ice cream, huh guys?” She claps her hand, bending over.

Two little faces light up at the proposal, “I want three scoops.” Luna shouts, dropping the stuffie to the floor as her little feet bolts towards a grinning Nat.

“I want four.” Jon quickly follows her sister and, just like her, grabs Nat’s hand before they both start pulling her towards the door.

“Five…” You hear the little girl’s voice, as they’re already out of the room.

When Harry turns to you he’s not even trying to hide the shit-eating smile on his lips anymore. He shrugs before you tell your goodbyes.

~~~

Becoming a mother is truly an interesting process, to say the least, you understand it more and more, as the months go by with Summer by your side. While one moment it feels like you’ve been awakened for too long, the hours of feeding are endless and you miss missions and it’s like you’ll never adjust to your new routine; at others, you’re crying because your baby is growing too fast, you’re afraid to screw her up and you don’t want to do anything but hold her close to you and never let go.

You love your kid with all your heart and more than anything, but you’re still trying to figure out how to be a mother most of the time- earning you a lot of long ass sessions with Heloise. While every so often you struggle with your new life, Bucky, as it turns out, is a natural. It’s like he was born to be a father. He does everything with you: he gives her baths, he rocks her to sleep, changes diapers, tells stories she, despite being too young to actually understand them, pays focused attention on... Little by little, his fear of touching her with his metal arm has vanished and it’s like he doesn’t even remember he has it. As a matter of fact, it turns out to be a very useful tool to cool down Summer when the heat is too strong.

One night, while you three struggle with infant cramps and he calms her down by waddling her snugly in a blanket, rubbing soft circles on her back, he tells you he’s been remembering of how he used to take care of his younger sisters and that’s why it seems so much easier with Summer now.

Around the second month after her birth he still hasn’t gone back to his apartment and that’s when the following scene takes place, while you’re feeding Summer on the couch in your living room and he’s right there by your side, dreamily caressing her chubby cheeks - a habit that often distracts the baby and makes her stop sucking and prolonging the time you spend feeding her, but you would never tell him that. A particularly loud sigh from him catches your attention, making you shift your gaze from your daughter, peacefully dozing in your arms, to him.

“Are you ok?” You asked softly as your eyebrows draw together.

His gaze snaps to you for a second before it drops back to Summer, “Yeah, it’s just… I have to come back to my apartment and… it hurts…” He sighs, “Just the idea of staying away from her… it physically pains me.”

“Oh,” it slips from your mouth, before you look back to her. You imagine what it would feel if you had to stay apart from her… No. Not happening, “Why do you have to go?” You ask.

Hopeful eyes bore into yours, “You wouldn’t mind? I mean…”

His hesitation makes you scoff, “Why would I? This is your home.” You say, shrugging and nodding at Summer, making clear what you mean by “home.”

At the very next day, Bucky moves back to the Tower. But, instead of occupying his old room, he accepts your offer to stay in a spare bedroom in the apartment Tony made for you. Three floors apart would be too far away from Summer, after all…

On the days after his moving, it doesn’t slip from your attention that, after you ask Friday to wake you up again if he had nightmares – like you did what if feels like ages ago- not even once she ends up having to do it, since, while he’s not taking care of Summer, he sleeps peacefully and deeply…

~~~

When Summer is six months old you decide to go back to missions. You start with small and quick ones that don’t require you to leave the city. Staying away from her those few moments is a sweet pain, but one you know it’ll be good for you. And for her, honestly.

Bucky decides to wait a little longer, which you’re glad for. You’re not sure how you feel about a nanny or daycare yet. Bucky’s safe and you’re very fond of safe when it comes to your baby daughter.

One of his favorite things in the world is to dress up Summer. While you usually go for the most practical pieces of clothing you find, he likes to adorn her hair with big bows, ribbons, tiaras, cute hats matching the most adorable dresses, buying her new ones almost on a daily basis. All of it very comfortable and harmless for her, of course.

She’s nine months old when Tony pulls up a small party to celebrate Pepper’s birthday. If it were up to him, he would definitely go big at the celebration, but Pepper said she preferred something small and he respected it. Well, at least as far as Tony Stark’s concept of “small” would go. He uses the pool area for the party, inviting the Avengers, a few agents from fellow organizations and a small group of friends.

This is Summer’s first real party and she looks absolutely endearing in Bucky’s arms when you three walk into the place. He’s chosen a red dress with white polka dots for her. There’s a white bowknot on the waist matching a big ribbon of the same color on her head and white little party shoes. She’s swaying her legs back and forth, as one arm rests lazily around her dad’s neck and she shifts her gaze from him to all the people who stop by to tell her what a beautiful baby she is.

Each day she looks more and more like you, but some traces are all her father’s, like her big blue eyes. But what really fills your heart with love and pride is that Summer is growing into a pretty sociable and charming kid. Everyone around her at the party gains a huge smile as a response and, if the praise really pleases her, she lets out a giggle and puts up a funny scrunched up face you’ve taught her to do. The cutest.

“Auntie Nat… Auntie Nat…” Natasha repeats in a baby voice, playing with Summer’s little hand.

“Cool down, Natasha, she’s nine months old.” Sam rolls his eyes beside her, before shaking his head at you.

“This girl is a prodigy. And, you don’t get to say anything, it’s already enough her first smile was to you.” Nat grimaces at him.

“She loves Uncle Sam, don’t you, pretty girl? Don’t you?” Sam also uses his baby voice, brushing his finger on Summer’s nose, pulling out a giggle from the happy baby and a snarl from Nat.

Her first smile was indeed aimed to Sam while he made a weird dance for her. Bucky was absolutely devastated. At least he turned out being the second person to make her smile, by imitating exactly what Sam was doing. However, for Steve’s dismay and many of the others, her undeniably favorite uncle is Thor with all the lightning magic he pulls for her, even if he doesn’t show up as much as the others. She loves all her uncles and aunties, though, dearly, which she should for being so spoiled by all of them.

“Come on, stop it. She loves all of you, guys…” You intercede. You can’t resist and pop a loud kiss on your daughter’s soft and chubby cheek.

“But no more than she loves her daddy, of course.” Bucky pecks her other one and you two end up trapping the baby girl between a series of tiny kisses.

“Oh, God, that’s too sweet, I’m gonna get sick…” Sam makes a face, but smiles anyway and you pull your tongue out, “Ok. I’m going to take a look around,” He says, after chuckling at the three of you.

“Me too,” Nat says, “Are you guys sitting down here?” She asks, pointing at the nearest table.

You’ve just arrived, but haven’t really still settled. When the favorite little person of the team gets in the place, there’s a lot of stops on your way so everyone can say hello and gush praises on her.

“Uhm, yeah,” You answer, before addressing to Bucky, “What about we sit for a moment, then we can take Summer to play a bit and watch the kids.” You point to the playground where a number of recreation workers entertain the children.

“Yeah, sounds good.” Bucky agrees, already pushing stroller with his free hand towards the table.

After Nat and Sam leave and the three of you set yourselves on the round table, Wanda approaches and somehow manages to steal Summer from Bucky’s arms, sitting down next to you and snatching the kid’s attention with red drawings in the air.

“I’m gonna go say hello to Steve and grab some food, I’m starving. Do you want anything?” Bucky asks you, already getting up.

“Oh, sure, thank you.” You’re starving too, getting ready to go out with a baby, even in the same tower you live, isn’t a walk in the park and you’ve forgotten to eat at all that morning, “Can you bring, uhm,” You twist your mouth and frown, thinking about all the goodies that can be easily found at Tony’s parties every single time, “Ooo, see if there’s lobster sliders, ugh, of course, those little fried shrimp balls, a bit of potato chips and-”

“Garlic bread.” He winks at you with a knowing smirk on his face.

A smile twists your lips widely, enticing one of his own, “Yeah, garlic bread,” You confirm, softly.

Someone clearing their throat bursts the little bubble quickly growing around you and him. This… the bubble… has been happening a lot lately. You turn to the sound’s direction to see Wanda staring at both of you, eyebrows high on her forehead, while Summer is also watching quietly you and Bucky from her lap.

“Oh, do you want anything, Wands?” Bucky asks, brushing the back of his neck.

“I’m good, thanks.” She answers with a small smile.

“Alright, be right back.” He rushes away after kissing the top of Summer’s head.

You lean to grab a bottle of water from the bucket of ice a waiter has left there when you sat.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“What do you mean?” You don’t look at Wanda, pouring some water on your glass before taking a sip.

“You and Bucky.”

“Don’t even go there, Wands. There’s no me and Bucky.” You notice Summer starting to fuss with nothing to do and reach for the bag the grab and give her a pair of maracas, her current favorite toy. She accepts it and promptly starts to swing them to the air, loving the noise it produces. You smile fondly at her.

“You’re honestly going to tell me you don’t see what’s going on?” Wanda tilts her head.

You shrug, still focusing on Summer, who keeps playing excitedly on her aunt’s lap.

“I think it’s been what?” Wanda insists with a bit of impatience seeping into her tone, “Nine months since I last saw you two separated from one another? You’re keep doing things together and for each other… I felt completely invisible here. Did he actually complete your sentence? For God’s sake, he lives in your apartment, Y.N.”

Your eyes snap up to her.

“You’re living a married life without actually being married.” Her gaze bore into yours and you can see the care in them.

You halt for a second. If you think about it, it’s true. You haven’t talked about your relationship again but you did fall into a routine of a couple. You do everything together, he’s living with you… You haven’t even thought about seeing someone else and you’re pretty sure he hasn’t either. It feels so different from before… before you left, but at the same time, it feels like nothing has changed, like you’ve never left and you still belong to each other. Except you don’t… Not really.

It’s been good this way. So good… but you would die and kill to kiss him again. Not a kiss like the one you two gave at Summer’s birth, but a passionate, devastatingly breathtaking kiss, you dream about frequently…to feel his hot skin against yours… to hold him in your sleep...

But this is you… It doesn’t mean he feels the same way and if you try anything and this isn’t what he wants or maybe what he’s ready for…

“We’re being parents, Wands.” When you finally speak is but a whisper. “We haven’t had time to think of anything other than Summer all this time. You’re right, we’ve been really…huh… attached to each other ever since she was born and it’s so worthy to be like this. I’m so happy. He’s happy. I’m afraid that…” You take in a deep breath, looking down.

“That if you try to change it, you’ll lose it. You’ll lose him.” Wanda speak your mind and you know she is not even using her powers.

You nod quietly.

“Oh, honey…”

You tighten your lips in a sad smile and shrug.

“Hey, there,” Harry’s voice catches the attention from both of you as he walks towards the table. Well, the three of you, actually, since Summer swings her little maracas even harder and puts on a beautiful and almost toothless grin for him.

After you and Wanda answer his greeting, Harry goes straight to Summer and excuses himself to grab her from Wanda’s lap, lifting her into the air, ripping out happy squeaks from the baby and fond looks from the two adults, seizing the previous subject completely. Harry and the kids have been visiting a lot ever since she was born and Summer absolutely adores them, especially the kids.

“Where’s Luna and Jon?” You ask.

“Oh, they went straight to the playground.” He answers after blowing a few raspberries on Summer’s stomach, making her squirm and giggle. “I was looking for…ahm,” He seems taken aback for a moment, shifting gazes from you to Wanda, “I haven’t seen anyone else, is, huh, everyone here, yet?”

Wanda smirks at you, before standing up, “Don’t worry, I’ll let Nat know you’re here. I’ll talk to you later, Y/N,” She taps Harry’s shoulder on her way out.

Harry’s jaw drops at her comment and he’s livid when he looks back at you, “I- why- I don’t know why she-”

“Hush, Harry,” you snicker, interrupting him while before he becomes a stuttering mess, “Come, sit here,” you tap Wanda’s vacant spot and he does as you say, a sheepish and confused look on his face, “I know.” You smile at him.

He gapes at you while he adjusts Summer on his lap and she goes back to play with her pair of maracas, “You know?” His whole face turns into crimson red and his eyes grow impossibly round.

“I do, took me a while to figure it out I admit it,” you shake your head, mocking a disappointment face at yourself, “I’m not sure how long Wanda knows but, powers or not, it’s almost impossible to hide anything from her,” you add a little bitterly given the bit of conversation you’ve just had with her.

“Oh… I thought no one knew yet.” He seems lost in his own thoughts.

“Listen, Harry,” You lean closer to him, “I understand why you two decided to keep it as a secret, but I just wanted you to know…I’ve never seen her so happy as these last few months.”

His whole face lights up and he can’t help the curl on his lips while he adjusts his glasses on his face, “R-really?”

“Really,” You nod, smiling “And I’m so damn happy for the two of you, as well. You both deserve what’s best.”

While his grin grows bigger, Summer eyes raise from her maracas to you and she drops the toy to the floor, reaching her little arms to you.

“Oh, come here, my little sun,” You promptly take her from Harry’s lap to yours. Someone misses mommy and your heart never ceases to skip a beat every time she does that.

After you kiss your daughter’s forehead and tickle her sides, she lays back comfortably against you and you go back to Harry, “You better take care of her, mister, or you’ll have to deal with one super person or two.”

“Oh no, don’t worry, I’ve only felt this way once before, and…”He says quietly, “Goddammit, I love her… I love her.” He repeats as his chest heavies.

“Oh my God, Harry.” You gasp and immediately pulls him into a hug, which he quickly responds. Two of your best friends in love- because you damn well know Nat’s in love with him too- is one hell of a huge thing and your heart fills up with pride and hope for them.

When you part from Harry, you spot a broad figure standing by the table. Summer lets out happy squeals at the sight of her father. He only takes his eyes away from Harry to smile at the baby, while managing to carry four plates filled with food on his arms.

“Oh, hey.” Harry beams, the joy of the confession still lingering on his whole demeanour.

“Hey, uhm, Wanda told me to tell you to come back to the playground and you’ll find what you’re looking for.” Bucky narrows his eyes at him.

“Oh, ok” Harry can’t hide his excitement when his gaze find yours, “Got to go, see you guys around?”

“Sure,” You nod at him, still smiling.

Once he’s gone, Bucky takes his seat beside you, disposing the plates on the table. You put Summer on the stroller, handing her a few more toys, so you two can take a little time to eat.

A few minutes later you have already devoured the lobster slider and Bucky remains silent, apart from a brooding noise or two as answers to your attempts at making conversation. He hasn’t even touched his food and just plays with it in a very evident gloomy way.

Considering Harry is a constant presence in your lives, one would think Bucky would have cooled down his initial wariness of him. And he did. He truly did. However, you notice sometimes he gets like this when you’re somehow a little too expressive with your friendly affection for Harry. You’re not sure if this is jealous and of what he could be jealous of, but you hate to see him like that.

“Hey, Bucky,” you call, absentmindedly.

He just hums to acknowledge it.

“Take a look over there.”

He gazes at you, before following the direction of your pointing finger: Nat and Harry, right across the pool, with their back to you as they watch Luna and Jon playing with the rest of the kids. Sam standing on Nat’s other side.

“What?” He frowns at you.

“Just…keep looking.”

He turns back to them and, just a few seconds later, you both watch as Nat’s hand navigates smoothly to grab one of Harry’s butt cheeks.

You laugh quietly when Bucky’s jaw drops.

“No way,” his eyes widen and he looks back at you.

“Way…Since that car accident, before Summer was born,” You inform, relishing in his astonished expression. A very similar one to the face you’ve might have had when you found out.

He lets out a loud and long laugh and his shoulder loses all the tenseness. Shaking his head in disbelief, he reaches out and grabs a piece of garlic bread from your plate to shove it in his mouth.

A small smile remains on his lips for the rest of the day while Wanda’s words echo into your mind…

What the hell are you doing?

~ ~ ~

Ch. 23 coming soon.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes angst #bucky #marvel fanfiction #bucky angst #dad!bucky

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remuslupin-enthusiast · 4 years

Text

Harry Potter and the eighth year he deserved

CHAPTER 3

When Harry wakes up in the morning, he notices that Draco has already left for breakfast. So, Harry gets up, puts on his clothes, and heads downstairs. When Harry sits down, Ron and Hermione have already started eating.

“You’re up late today,” Ron said, eyeing Harry.

“Yeah, I decided I would let myself sleep in since we don't have class today” Harry replied.

“Alrighty then” Ron replied.

“Anyways… so you guys know how we’ve been trying to figure out something fun to do as a means of bonding with the other eighth years right?” Harry began.

“Yeah… why?” Hermione questioned.

“Well, I was talking to Malfoy yesterday, and he told me about this really good idea” Harry said.

“Ok well what is it?” Ron asked.

“Malfoy suggested we do an eighth years game night in the common room. We can play things like truth or dare, or spin the bottle, or even never have I ever” Harry said enthusiastically.

“ Some people could go to Hogsmede and pick up some drinks from Madam Rosmerta” Ron said seeming very interested.

“That actually sounds like a great idea!” Hermione exclaimed.

“Perfect. We should go around and spread the news to everyone, and if enough people are down, we could plan the first one for next saturday” Harry added.

“Ok great. Ron and I will find as many people as possible and tell them about it, and ask them to pass it on to their friends” Hermione said.

“Perfect. I’ll talk to Malfoy after breakfast and tell him about the plan” Harry said.

The rest of the breakfast went by in a flurry of conversations between the trio and the other eighth year students. At the end, Harry bid everyone goodbye and headed back up to the common room to find Draco and grab his homework.

When Harry got to the dorm, Draco seemed to also have recently arrived as he was gathering his things for homework.

“Hey I’ve got some great news!” Harry exclaimed.

“What’s that” Draco replied timidly.

“Ron and Hermione loved your idea, and they’re going to ask everyone about it today! And if enough people like the idea, we have plans to do it next saturday night!” Harry said, speaking so quickly and excitedly he hopes Draco understood him.

“Wait you actually told them about it? And they liked it?” Draco said slowly, sounding puzzled.

“Of course I did, and yes they loved your idea. They think it’s a great way for us all to bond” Harry said.

“They mustn't know its my idea though right?” Draco said.

“Of course they know. Why would I give myself credit for your idea?” Harry responds.

“Oh… wow… That’s very nice of you” Draco said sheepishly.

“Well as we established last night, that’s what friends are for” Harry replied smiling.

Draco smiles and blushes, and the look on Draco’s face gives Harry butterflies. Merlin, Draco is the most beautiful human being Harry as ever had the pleasure of laying his eyes on.

Harry clears his throat. “Err.. well I do have some homework to do, and as we’re in the same class, would you like to come join me in the library to work?” Harry asked.

“Uhh, sure. Let me grab my things” Draco says.

++++

When Harry and Draco get to the library, they find an empty table and get to work. The conversation has been flowing surprisingly easily between the two boys and Harry cannot stop smiling. Their conversation dies down while they work, but every now and then there’s a comment or question between the two.

After a couple hours in the library undisturbed, a young third year followed by a gaggle of her friends comes up to Harry and introduces herself.

“H-h-hi Harry, I’m Hazel” The girl stammers “My friends and I were wondering if we could have your autograph”

“Err… I’m kind of really busy with homework at the moment, maybe another time. Sorry” Harry tells Hazel and her friends,

“Oh, alright then” Hazel says, as she turns to walk away with her friends, who all look extremely disappointed.

Once they are out of earshot, Draco bursts into laughter.

“It’s not funny!” Harry exclaims.

“Oh yes it is. It is extremely funny” Draco replies, still laughing.

Harry can’t help but smile at how Draco is laughing, and eventually he himself starts laughing. But they must be making quite a racket because a couple seconds later, Madam Pince comes over.

“If you boys don’t stop laughing I’m going to have to kick you out of the library” She states firmly, and then walks away.

This, unfortunately, only prompts Harry and Draco to laugh even more, causing Mme Pince to turn immediately back around.

“Alright. That’s it, OUT!” Mme Pince asserted.

Harry and Draco gather their things giggling, and they head out of the library. Once they’re out, and their laughter dies down, they decide to head back to the common room.

When Harry and Draco arrive, they are immediately greeted by Hermione.

“GUESS WHAT!” Hermione exclaimed.

“What?” Harry and Draco both say in unison.

“Everyone loved Draco’s idea, and we have a game night planned for next saturday. Ron and Seamus said they’d head down to Hogsmede sometime before next Saturday and get the drinks as long as everyone chips in for what they want” Hermione said.

“That’s amazing news! Thanks so much Hermione” Harry responds, grinning.

“Thank you for asking people, I’m glad everyone liked my idea” Draco said.

“Of course. Any friend of Harry’s is a friend of mine” Hermione said kindly.

Harry and Draco both head up to their dorms to bring back their bags, and then make their way back to the common room to hang around until dinner in half an hour. They decide to play a game of wizard’s chess, and Harry loses terribly.

After dinner, all the eighth years head up to the common room, and everyone is already buzzing with excitement about the upcoming weekend. Harry decides he’s very tired and doesn’t want to interact with many people, so he heads upstairs and takes a shower. When he comes out, Malfoy is sitting in his bed reading a book and looks like he could fall asleep at any minute. Harry climbs into bed, and drifts off to sleep, dreaming about Draco yet again.

#harry potter and the eighth year he deserved #drarry #pansmione #chapter 3 #enjoy #sorry this took so long #ive been busy as heck

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toogoodmusic · 5 years

Audio

TOO GOOD TUESDAY INTERVIEW: Hot Milk

Dual fronted and self-described emo powerpop band Hot Milk have opened for You Me At Six, Deaf Havana and are confirmed to be on the road supporting Foo Fighters for a few shows in August – all before the release of their debut EP. Jim Shaw, Han Mee, Tom Paton and Harry Deller make up the four-piece band that makes “rock music for the modern age” and when you give debut single, “Awful Ever After” and “Take Your Jacket” a listen you’ll know it’s much more than just that. Their music fills a void that the early 2000’s punk-pop left and doing it with their own style. Despite performing at various shows and prepping for their debut EP, Are You Feeling Alive? that is due out on May 3rd, Jim and Han were able to take some time to talk with Too Good Music about Hot Milk, their upcoming EP and much more. Check out the full interview below:

TOO GOOD MUSIC: So let’s start with probably the most asked question you guys get – why the name Hot Milk?

HAN: So me and Jim had written a couple of tracks and we were like, we should probably put a name on all this. So as all things usually start with us we got a bottle of wine and were lying on the rug in our living room just shouting out words. Hot Milk was just the one and we knew right away. We always wanted a bit of a oxymoron and juxtaposition as well as something that was short and sweet so HOT MILK WAS BORN!!

TGM: Ha! Sounds easy enough and so how did you all end up coming together to become Hot Milk?

JIM: Me and Han had lived together and done a couple of bands before we started writing together but one evening on a bleak day in January we were just fed up and thought fuck it, let's grab the acoustic (and again a bottle of wine) and have at it. There and then in 25 mins “Take Your Jacket” was born, it was weird really. Then when we needed to play these songs live and actually take them out of our bedrooms we got our mate Tom from my old band in on bass and Tom knew Deller from a previous band too. We all just click so well when it comes to everyday life as well as musically so it all made a beautiful little family.

Source: Hot Milk Website

TGM: Speaking “Take Your Jacket” - what’s the story/inspiration behind the song?

HAN: It's kind of a get the fuck out my life but with a nice big smile. It wasn't necessarily about a person for me but more a feeling of wanting to move on from something with strength and a bit of sass.

TGM: And so going back to the band for a little bit what’re the benefits of being a duel fronted band when it comes to the creative process? What are the challenges?

HAN: Well to be honest I wouldn't wanna do this without Jim by my side, for me there was never another option. How boring to do this up front alone! We know each other so well and spend all our waking hours with each other on and off tour so the creative process for us easy, he is my brother. HOWEVER, we argue all the time. Every song is an argument but, it's always laughed off and always through love. Challenges wise though, our live shows have to be tight. We need to know who is speaking where or else it'll be a battle for the mic.

Source: Facebook

TGM: Makes sense! And so wow would you describe a Hot Milk concert?

HAN: FUN. We want people to come watch us and leave the everyday bullshit at the door. Our shows are a time to let go and just be yourself. The modern day doesn't offer us a reprieve very often and if we can make our shows a place where people can reclaim themselves for a bit then we have won.

TGM: I love that line - “reclaim themselves” - and I agree that that’s exactly what a concert should be about. And so how would you describe Hot Milk’s sound?

JIM: I think our sound is rock music for the modern day. We listen to such a variety of music we just put everything we love into our songs and it comes out this frankenstein combo. We call it Emo Powerpop but essentially think a rock core dressed up with synth parts, strong melody and a little flirtation with pop punk.

Source: Facebook

TGM: Now, if Hot Milk sounds “emo powerpop”, what kind of sound would a band called Cold Milk have?

HAN: Whale noises backed up with panpipes but recorded through a drywall.

TGM: Ha! Cold Milk sounds terrible. But so going back to Hot Milk, what can fans expect from your debut EP, Are You Feeling Alive?

JIM: I think a little snippet of what we have to offer. The other two tracks on this record are just as strong as the first two singles we feel and offer some different shades to the Hot Milk palette. I think it shows we have a lot of tricks up our sleeves.

TGM: What’s the story behind the EP title?

HAN: The whole EP is about not feeling very happy or present in life and feeling like you're on the wrong path. For a long time I felt like life has just carried me a certain way without me realising and I had been swept away with it, I didn't feel very alive or like I was living my own personal gut aspiration. This EP is literally our way of reclaiming our lives and helping us deal with some emotions. AYFA? is a bit like a diary of that whole process.

TGM: You guys opened up for You Me At Six – what was the biggest thing you learned from sharing a stage with them?

JIM: I think how to just relax into a tour and when things go wrong just be ok with, learn from it for sure but don't stress. We really enjoyed getting to know those guys and we have a lot of respect for them.

Source: Facebook

TGM: And you’re also currently opening for Deaf Havana – what’s been the biggest take away from touring with them?

HAN: What lovely humans!! We love how welcoming they've been to us so I think for me it's really set the example of how to be a headline band. We already live by a mantra of kindness but it was really great to tour with a band who think the same and still have that mindset despite being 14 years into their career.

TGM: You guys recently played a hometown show – what was that experience like? Is it nerve-racking or calming playing to crowds filled with people you know?

JIM: We loved it! So good being in front of loves ones and friends. We are all about the love and we felt a lot of it that night. We just love playing shows but to play to people who know is was quite settling and calming yeah.

Source: Twitter

TGM: What would be a dream venue to play a headlining show at?

JIM: Brixton for me, would be a great accolade to have as it's such a legendary UK venue.

TGM: Individually, if you could only listen to (5) artists for the rest of your life who would they be?

HAN: oooooof, hard. Miles Davis coz you gotta have some chill. Jon Hopkins. The Band Camino. Sea Girls. Ramones.

JIM: The Band Camino. Billie Eilish. Architects. Nothing, nowhere. Japanese House.

TGM: Lastly, what’s the rest of 2019 look like for you guys?

HAN: Busy hopefully! We are doing a bunch of festivals and some shows with the Foo Fighters which is keeping us preoccupied for now but honestly I don't wanna stop. I feel myself mostly when on the road and the stage so I hate being at home, we're just ready to keep it moving and have a lot of fun along the way.

A HUGE shout-out to Hot Milk for taking the time to answer some questions with Too Good Music. Be on the look out for their debut EP Are You Feeling Alive? that is set to release on May 3rd and be sure to follow along with the band through the links below:

Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | Website

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shsummertimefest-blog · 7 years

Text

Before You

Enjoy, @xmusicxbooksxbandsx!

I hope you enjoy it!

The halls of the Institute were as quiet and dark as they always were at this hour of the morning, Alec enjoyed the long walk from the greenhouse to his office because he found that the solace allowed him time to shed his home mode and mentally prepare for work. Before Magnus, he would have woken up alone in his bed at the institute and immediately step out into a buzz of activity. He would have followed his morning routine with everyone else of training, breakfast, and checking in with the op center for orders.

His days couldn’t start out more different now, and he marveled at the big and small ways his life had changed from the way it was a few short years ago. Now, his mornings started with his husband’s steady breaths warm on the back of his neck and a hand clad in a heavy silver wedding ring resting on his chest. It was his alarm that always went off first, and he hit the button swiftly to avoid waking Magnus. Those minutes that he spent awake in the arms of his sleeping love were his favorites of the day. He would pull the discarded blanket up over Magnus before tangling their legs together. Then he would cover his hand with his own, their rings clinking together in a way that made his heart soar. There was a time when he never thought he would have this, so these moments with the sunlight starting to stream through sheer curtains and the love of his life holding him were nothing short of a miracle.

Eventually the Chairman would jump on his legs and sit there just staring at him expectantly, waiting to be fed. Alec sometimes wondered how impatient the cat had been with Magnus before he moved in, considering he slept in most days. He took great pride in the fact that this cat loved him and almost nobody else he came into contact with, and so Alec was happy to get his breakfast. He would turn around in Magnus’ arms and kiss him on the cheek before sliding out of bed and following the hungry feline. Some mornings, Magnus would surprise him by tightening his hold, preventing him from getting out of bed, and whispering in his ear. His sweet nothings ranged from simple morning greetings to lines from love poems, and everything in between. Those were his favorite kind of mornings, even if they did tend to make him a little late for work.

This morning Magnus had been sleeping so deeply that he didn’t even seem to notice when Alec left for work. The previous day must have left him exhausted. He had been busy all day with clients and they had a late night out together, so Alec was happy that he didn’t disturb his beauty rest.

He thought about their fun night as he made his way through the halls of the institute that morning. He made a quick stop at his office and then headed to the training center where he started his first task of equipment inventory and orders. Truth was, most of the time being the Head of the New York Institute wasn’t even close to glamorous.

He made his way through his checklist quickly and was just finishing up when he heard a throat clear behind him. He turned to see Jace standing there, dressed for his morning workout, with a smug look on his face.

“Hey,” he said, raising his brows. He was always a little worried when his brother looked like he was up to something. “Uh, what’s going on?”

“You tell me. Having a good morning?” Jace smirked.

Alec wasn’t sure what was going on, but he definitely felt like he was walking straight into a trap of some kind. He decided a short response and a little deflect action was best. “It’s fine. How are things here?”

“Not as good as they are at Magnus’ place I’m guessing.”

Oh, shit.

“You wanna tell me what you’re talking about? I have work to do, you know.” Alec said.

“You are the one in here humming, man. You tell me what it’s about.”

“Uhh, humming?” Alec questioned, his brows furrowing.

“Yes, Alec. You were just humming. I know the song too…it’s on the mundane radio. What’s the name of it?”

It hit Alec then, that the songs from the concert they went to last night must have been on his brain and he must’ve been subconsciously humming the tunes. That was something he never even realized he was doing unless Magnus pointed it out to him, and he wasn’t about to admit it to Jace. “No, I wasn’t.”

Jace laughed, “Yeah, you were. Seriously, what is that name of that song? It’s going to drive me crazy until I think of it.”

“What song?” Izzy asked, walking into the room in her sparring clothes.

Great. The only thing worse than having one of his siblings tease him about something was having both of them do it. He rolled his eyes all the way to the sky and clasped his hands behind his back, ipad still in hand.

“He won’t tell me. He was in here humming something and I can’t think of what the song’s called,” Jace filled their sister in.

Izzy looked from Jace to him and Alec knew that she wasn’t even going to ask him about it. She knew him well enough to know that he wasn’t going to admit to such a thing.

Instead she asked Jace, “How did it go?”

Jace reenacted the song he had heard him murmuring, and much to Alec’s disdain he actually did a pretty good job.

Izzy’s loud voice suddenly echoed through the training room, “Lady Gaga?!”

Jace pointed at Izzy “Yes! That’s it! It was on the tip of my tongue. What’s the song called?”

Izzy looked at Alec expectantly, and he just sighed heavily and answered the question himself, “Born this way.”

Izzy grinned at him and Jace opened his mouth in shock before asking, “Since when do you sing Lady Gaga? I didn’t even know you listened to her.”

“I wasn’t singing.”

Isabelle giggled and the sound caused his lips to lift up in the tiniest smile. “Why are you making this such a big deal? It’s in my head because we went to the concert last night.”

His sister jumped and smacked him on the arm, “No way! I thought she was in Europe!”

“We portaled to Berlin. No big deal.” Alec rubbed his arm, while thinking that his sister was definitely as strong as she looked.

Jace shook his head, “Wow. I never thought I’d see the day that you would actually enjoy mundane pop culture like this.”

Alec frowned. “Yeah, well, Magnus loves music, so he’s been showing me some of his favorites.”

“That’s amazing, big brother! Next time, though, I want to go too.”

Oh no. What had he done? A damn song got stuck in his head and now he had his siblings joining him for date night?! Unbelievable.

“I don’t know…I mean, I’d have to talk to Magnus first.”

“Of course, but I’m sure Magnus won’t mind. He loves us. Jace you wanna go right?”

Alec let it remain unsaid that Magnus quite liked their alone time away from the loft. People had a habit of bursting in their private space, and so they often left the city or even the country a few times a week to be alone for a few hours.

Jace wrinkled his nose, “Depends who it is. Some music is just terrible.”

It was clear Alec wasn’t getting out of this anytime soon, so he thought of the plans they had just discussed for the next weekend.

“We are taking Madzie to a concert next weekend. I guess you could come, too, if you want.”

Jace asked, “Who is it?”

“It’s…D…One…or One…D, something like that. Madzie likes them, and Magnus said I won’t regret going.

“One Direction?!” Izzy asked in disbelief.

Jace chimed in, “It can’t be that. They aren’t playing together right now. They have solo projects. Maybe it is one of the members, but it can’t be the entire band.”

He squinted an eye at Jace and couldn’t seem to wipe the judgey look off of his face.

“What?! Simon talks about music non-stop. He doesn’t shut up about it. So I know a thing or two.”

Alec shook his head at Jace and then went back to the topic at hand. “I know they broke up, or are on a break or whatever, but this is like a private concert at a birthday party for one of Magnus friends. They are just doing this one time thing.”

“Oh my god, Alec. Are you kidding me? How in the world did Magnus’ friend get One Direction to perform together again?”

“First of all, Magnus is magical and he can do anything. Second of all, he’s a warlock too, so I’m sure that helps.”

Jace chimed in again, “Wait, who’s a warlock?”

Alec looked at the clock on the wall. He had exactly ten minutes until his meeting. He really didn’t have time for this. He started walking backwards out of the room. “The guy in the band. I’ve met him a few times.”

Izzy’s eyes grew wide. “Which guy in the band?! This is very important info, Alec. ”

“The guy with the long brown hair.”

Jace and Izzy said in unison, “Harry?!”

“Yeah, him. He’s a nice guy. Listen, I gotta go, ok. Meeting,” He said as he retreated even further.

“Fine, but ask Magnus if we can go. And actually, this conversation isn’t over. I’ll meet you in your office at noon and we can have lunch while you tell me about all the famous people Magnus knows.”

Alec rolled his eyes, but ultimately agreed. He got down the hall before he pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Magnus.

“Alexander. What great timing you have. I just woke up,” he said in an adorable sleepy voice that made Alec wish he was there.

“Is there any way that my family can go with us to the concert next weekend? They found out I was going and apparently they are fans.”

“Even Jace?” Magnus asked incredulously.

“Oddly enough, yes. Something about Simon introducing him to different kinds of music.”

Magnus chuckled, and Alec could hear the rustling of blankets in their bed. Torture. That’s what this was.

“Sure. I’ll call him today. With Madzie going, it’s not like it’s adult time anyway.”

“Right. Yeah, but can we please not tell them about Cher in a few weeks? I was so looking forward to being in Paris alone with you.”

“Mmmmmmmm. How about this? I won’t tell them about Cher if you take the day off tomorrow and do absolutely nothing with me.”

Alec didn’t even hesitate, even though he could count on one hand the number of days he had ever had off. “Deal. See you at six for dinner?”

“See you at six. I Love you.” Magnus said.

“I love you, too.” Alec said, before going back to find his brother and ask him if he could hold down things at the institute tomorrow. A random day off. Just another one of many things that had changed since he met and fell in love with Magnus Bane.

#xmusicxbooksxbandsx #shgiftfest17 #fic #malec

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harrv · 7 years

Photo

today may not be a good time to post this and im sorry for blowing up ur notifs but what the fuck !!!! i hit 1.1k followers !!!! i usually do my follow forever posts at end of the year but i didn’t do this last year bc i was waiting to hit 1k ! now here i am !

i made this blog on april 21, 2014 and had my first post in may 1st of the same year then abandoned this blog and officially came back after a year and now this blog has been running since july 2015 lmao it took me 2 yrs to get 1k rip me

anyways! my experience here on tumblr is Awesome so far! (i am not being sarcastic) (or am i?) and i met great people thru here and have made a lot of amazing friends and lost quite a few, sadly

of course @ everyone thank you thank you thank you thank you all for making my tumblr experience great! i still don’t even understand why y'all still follow my lame ass trash of a blog but i couldn’t ask for more lol i love y'all for still keeping up

NOW all i wanted to do right now at this very fucking moment is to give my mutuals a Huge Shoutout for being so so fucking lovely and so so fucking awesome and so so fucking nice! (even tho i only every occasionally talked to some of you and wish i had the guts to talk to everyone), my sappy ff starts below! :)

special mentions

the pepito elvis gc (i am only mentioning the ones that talk the most) - amy aka the louie who mistaken this harrie gc for a larrie gc (@given-a-chance), cat (@smolbirds), brenda aka my mom (@sweetcreature-lou), amber aka pure (@skamb3r) , antwahnise (@gilmoregirlsau), and fucking ciarra aka #1 harry hater who also sings like an angel (@larriez)

what the flipping fuck guys i love every single one of you??? thank fuck im in the same gc as y'all and thanks for indulging the shit outta me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even this gc is still a Baby (its only three weeks old) i had so many fun memories with y’all :’) and i think its really cute waking up with like 79 messages <3</p>

henri (@onlyangele) - love even tho we had only talked thru replies u made me laugh so much binch wish we could talk more

vika (@louisosoft) - the sweetest darling!!! every time i see u on my notifs i fucking smile bc i just love ur blog ok??? and i love ur cat even tho i kinda despise cats (dont block me im a dog person)

libby (@angelpolvo) - girl………………… ur the Gayest and also the Nicest and i just love the shit out of you??? i love that we screamed over josephine vander bc thats what gays do right ??? and bitch??? is she urs already???? I AM DYING TO KNOW PLS UPDATE ME

rachel (@sugarbabykink) - rachel, u cute ok?? ur very fucking cute and i love seeing you on my dash, tw*tter tl, and ig :’) and **** ** ******** forever

liz (@angelharry) - remember when u wanna change your url but you’re scared and i was the one who encouraged you to change it and supported u thru it wow Great Times lol and i love your shitposts???? you’re one of the funniest people i met in my life ?? wow ?????????????

……and of fucking course, the snapchat king, the louis to my harry, the harry to my louis, my moon and stars, the bitch who still puts up with my stupid gay ass and im wondering why he still does that wtf……………………………..

agatha (@lourrious) - bih. what the fuck ??? i would d*e for you???? i never thought we’d be friends until Now??????? such Soulmates we are, aren’t we? the universe really found a way for us to meet again ? wow ? and thank fuck i knew you !!!! thank you for always making my day and making me laugh with ur snaps and making me smile whenever im sad. you are always there to comfort me, and i never met someone like that til you. bih, i would sell my liver just to meet you in person. im getting all sappy bc of u bitch and i love getting sappy. i treasure you very close to my heart. heck i treasure you in my heart. you’re always in my heart bih :3) :3) :3) :3) :3) :3) :3) :3) :3)

that’s it whew okay lets start

(bolded are…well..u know the drill)

# to b

@1-800-garbage @1989rosesxx @19yrs @1dconcertblog @3chic @8walls @acejade @aimhpal @alestiaa @alwaysinmyheartweet @amaerie @anathemaer @anchorliam @andd-all-his-little-things @ange1s @angelbud @angelharry @angelhoney @angeliety @angeltaurus @asterfairy @aurae @avenroger @babeharrie @beauthxrry @beingsoft @bengaligf @beysharrys @bloglaurel711 @blushbae @boringangel @buerella @butimthechosen1

c to e

@candybisous @catharticphan @cherrielouie @chilllarries @coffeegirlfriend @compasstatt @complementarytatts @constellarry @curlycuelou @dancerharry @dareharry @degenerateharry @doriangrayss @dvinefeminine @eclecticitys @ecliptique @edolouis @elebeard @engjelll @estrelune @etherealnyc @everrsincenewyork @eversincesnlharry @exposealienharry

f to g

@fairydustlou @favoriteirishmember @feminist-tomlinson @fendiontop @filthyt0kyo @fireprocf @flowoury @flufy-louis @fondsmol @fooledangel @foolsgoldkink @forharrys @frickydazzle @fuckboivibes @fuckingastrology @gaysfic @gayymothman @geantle @geminivenus @gigglelou @gilmoregirlsau @girlov @given-a-chance @glitterrthug @gloomycancer @glowingangel @glowystyle @godgavemelou @goldenharrie @goldvnbby @grapefruitseltzer @grinching @growgardens

h to k

@h-isforhome @happileeds @happlouis @haroldtwerkin @harrsys @harryandlana @harryfromplanetstyles @harryftariana @harryhugs @harrylouie @harryrs @harrys @harrysgayalbum @harrystyles-mybabyboy @harrystylesisaprettyprincess @harrystylesthealbum @harryz @hazzastop @heckheckk @hershelstyles @hesnlt @highlightharry @holyfucklarrry @homeisharry @homelyrics @homemp3 @horchati @howgreenmetblue @hufflepufsh @hzzs @imafoolforlou @iridescentblooms @itrose @itslovestylinson @jeffsazoff @jennydixon @kalelube @kathrynactually @kingsofpeace @kissharryufool @kitkatp @kiwilivemp3 @knjpeg

l to m

@languidheart @larriekisses @larriez @larrsygettinglarried @larrydagger @latte-louis @laurnts @lhrryonce @liames @lilcurlies @liltinylouis @louiesdarlings @louis2k15 @louisbuttcheek @louisisloved @louislikesboys @louislittletummy @louisosoft @louiswantstomarryharry @lourrious @lovehoperomance @loves2much @loveutae @lthica @lunarosa @magicalhalo @memeharry @menudo @mexicanasapphic @minirose @mitamdemo @mitamhalo @moonblessd @moonsunhl @mounshine @mutualfond

n to r

@notsebastan @oceanoflouis @ofsighs @olivemel @onlyangele @onlyangelharold @oopstatt @organicysl @packersbeanie @pearlgorl @petalful @peterpansexuallarrie @pinkflowerlarrie @pinkflowersharry @pinkhalo @poppunknouis @poptropicaofficial @purerosewaters @rainbowlads @realfalsiane @realytired @redsatin @redyke @rlphlaurn @rose-forces @rosegoldeyelids @rosehoneywater @roseofhalfeti @rosedgirls @roseputa @roseylouie @rosyharry

@satinmilk @scaryharrybooeylouis @sccorpio @secret-lil-rendez-vous @sherrybomb @shimmersapphic @skamb3r @smolbeanlt @smolbirds @sofharry @some-guys-like-guys @spaannk @spceboystyles @sspookyjimchristmas @strawberrylipg1oss @strawberrypiebaby @styles2017 @stylesandtrash @stylespaceboy @stylespug @stylinsoney @stylishirish @sugarbabykink @sweetcreature-lou @syzygay

t to z

@t-h-e-q-u-i-e-t @thegayankle @thegaynkle @thekhilla @thelovesclubs @thereylouis @thestyles @tigertat @tomlinfeeling @tomlinfinitys @tomlinsonaoki @toxicsxciety @trianglelouie @tzujs @unf @vanillagloss @vagueangel @vainbitch @vibrantess @victoryjacket @viplourry @virgomtv @warmfringe @waturs @westindia @wildepixie @wwwlouis @xlytherin @yowapeda @yslfond @yvesdidas @yvhes @zarnes @zourrygf

i thought i’d like to add my fave non mutuals bc i usually unfollow non mutuals but here are the ones that made it so hard for me to click on their unfollow button:

@organicstunts @kindofsharethat @dunkirks @domestic-harry @softhie @thedebutsingle @worththewhiletweet @youfuckingloosah @softestswan @birdonahotdog

YA THAT’S IT FOR NOW BYE

#took me 5 hours to finish this rip #i spent 5 hours for all of u :')))#love you all!!!#follow forever #ff #florence.txt #:')#if there is any one i missed pls drag me ok

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underthemoonlightofficial · 7 years

Text

Chapter 2

Summary: Saint is fascinated with the circus. When he receives a VIP circus ticket for Christmas, he couldn’t be happier. This ticket leads to a series of events, some good, some bad. Soon Saint finds his life spiraling out of control. When he gets his heart ripped out, he thinks it’s the end of the line for him. This book is the story of a broken man trying to put the pieces of his life back together.

Masterlist

Today was my last day in Florida. We spent the day walking around town. I bought a few new vinyls, and my mom got a pretty necklace. We ate lunch at a local restaurant called Leo’s. Before I knew it, it was the next day and my mother was dropping me off at the airport.

“Bye Mom. I’m going to miss you." I said, hugging her.

“I’m going to miss you too Saint. I love you.”

“Love you too.” And with that I left. The plane ride was long and uneventful. Thankfully I didn't have and connecting flights; I was just going straight to the Manhattan Airport.

Putting my headphones on, I pulled out my book and read. A few hours later, a flight attendant came by with snacks, so I got coffee and some peanuts. Around two hours after that the and finally landed. Texting my mom that I had landed safely, I got off and went to claim my luggage.

I was passing the indoor pickup area when I heard someone call my name. "Saint!" I spun around to see Laurey walking towards me. I closed the distance and embraced her. "I missed you." She kissed me. "I missed you too."

Smiling, we held hands as we waited for my luggage. After what felt like eternity, my suitcase finally came and we were able to go. Laurey drove me back to my apartment. Kissing her one last time, I got out of the car. "Bye, I love you!"

"Love you too!" My apartment was empty, seeing as how Dallon was at work and Steve and Moon weren't getting back until tomorrow. Locking the door, I went into Dallon and I's room and unpacked. I was exhausted, so as soon as I was done I lay down and took a nap.

-------

Some time late I woke up. Stretching, I looked over at my clock, which read 6:30. That's great, now my sleeping schedule will be messed up. I then noticed that I could smell something cooking.

I quietly walked into the kitchen to see Dallon by the stove. I tiptoed over to him and put my arms around his waist. He jumped out of surprise, then turned around and hugged me back. We ended the embrace and he said, "I love you Saint put Jesus Christ you scared the crap out of me." I laughed.

"It's good to see you Dall."

"Good to see you too."

"So what are you making over here?" Pretty much everything Dallon made was delicious; he was an amazing chef. "Just some fettuccine Alfredo." I smiled; it had been my favorite dish for years. Once it was done we pilled some onto our plates and sat down.

Dallon stared at me intently as I rolled the first bite, awaiting judgement. "As always, this tastes amazing." He beamed. "Thanks!" We quickly devoted the rest. Once we were done I brought up our dishes and put them in the dishwasher.

"Hey Saint, let's watch a movie!"

"Ok. Do you have anything in mind?"

"Hmm,” He thought for a moment. “What about a Harry Potter movie?”

“Yes! Can we watch the fifth one?”

“Yeah.” He walked over to the cabinet under the television and pulled the movie out from our vast movie collection, and I went into the kitchen and made popcorn. Once it was done, I poured it all into a big bowl and poured on special popcorn salt. Then, I walked over to the couch.

“Ready?” He asked. I nodded, and he pressed play.

An hour into the movie, Dallon started leaning on me. About twenty minutes or so later, I noticed he had fallen asleep. I laughed, and turned the volume of the movie down so it wouldn’t wake him up.

Once the movie was over, I carefully stood, and slowly lowered Dallon down so that he was laying down. I covered him with a blanket, and plugged in his phone. I turned off the few lights that were still on, then went into my room where I went to sleep after setting an alarm.

groaned as my alarm went off, 7:00 was to early for my taste. I stood up and got ready for the day, and 15 minutes later I was in the kitchen. Dallon was sitting at the counter, drinking coffee and looking at his phone.

“Morning Saint,” he said.

“Good morning, Dall.” I put a bagel in the oven, poured myself a glass of coffee, and sat next to Dallon.

“So when are you going to the circus?” He asked.

"The morning of the 31st, so three days from now!"

"I'm so excited for you! That's going to be so much fun."

"Yeah. I haven't been to a professional circus show in twenty years which makes it even more special."

"Wow, that's a long time. I know it had been a while, but that long? Wow."

"Yeah. Tickets are extremely expensive, and my mom used that money to enable me to go to classes and camps."

“Ahh. Well, I’m off to work, see you later.”

“Bye.” Dallon put on his coat and hat, and left. I sat for a few more minutes, reading the news on my phone.

I put my plate and mug into the dishwasher, then after grabbing my stuff I left for work. I got on the subway, then walked for a minute or two. I entered the Starbucks I worked at, and was instantly greeted by my coworkers Katy and Matt.

“Good Morning!” They chorused

“Hello,” I replied. I put my apron on and got to work. The day was pretty uneventful, some of my regular customers came by. Eight hours later I was able to go home; it was now four. I went inside to find Moon was home.

“Hi, Saint!” She greeted.

"Hey Moon!" We embraced. "How was Chicago?" I asked her.

"It was beautiful. How was Florida?"

"It was hot, and moist. But it was nice to visit my mother."

"Yeah, I imagine so. Do you know when the others get back?"

"Like usual, Dallon gets back around five, and Steve's train comes at around ten, I think."

"Ok, cool. I'm gonna go to the gym, wanna join me?"

"No, thanks."

"OK. I'll be back in an hour or so. Bye."

"Bye." Moon spent a lot of time at the gym; it was pretty much her second home. It's where she went in the majority of her spare time, and I sometimes went with her. Her dream job was to be a personal trainer, and she wasn't going to stop pushing herself until she got there.

Half an hour later I heard the front door open. "Hey Dall!" I called from our room.

"Hey Saint." He came into the room. "I bought us some chocolate bars," he said tossing me one.

"Thanks!"

"Is Moon back?"

"Yeah she got back an hour or so before I came home from work. She's at the gym right now."

"Ah, I should've known." Dallon put his bag down and sat in his bed. We are our chocolate in silence. "How was work?" He asked.

"Boring and uneventful. You?"

"Work was crazy today. This dude wants to throw a hunting party to celebrate his grandma's life after the funeral."

"Wow, ok then." We laughed. Dallon got a lot of weird clients. He once told me, "I enjoy the weird ones more, they're fun." His favorites though were weddings. He didn't get them very often, seeing as how most people prefer to plan their own, but when he does he gets excited and happy. He loves seeing people in love. I had already asked him if he could help me plan Laurey and I's, and Dallon of course had agreed ecstatically.

I'm so glad Dallon had his dream job, though. A lot of people aren't able to get theirs. I was one of those people. Seeing as how it's incredibly hard to get a job at a circus as a performer, I would probably live my whole life as a Starbucks barista. I had a degree in psychology, so maybe I'd do something with that someday.

As if sensing my thoughts, Dallon said, "Don't worry Saint. You'll make it to the circus someday." My friends always assured me if this. I wanted to believe them, I really did, but I couldn't.

I specialize in doing aerial strap acrobatics, as well as trapeze acrobatics. The thing is both of these require an immense amount of strength, and one day I'll reach the point where my body becomes too old to do these things anymore. And if I hadn't joined the circus by then, then I'm just out of luck.

All of a sudden we heard the door open. "I'm home!" Moon called out. Dallon and I went to greet her. She and Dallon hugged; they had not seen each other yet. "How was the gym?" I asked.

"Same as usual. Tiring and strenuous, but worth it."

That night for dinner Dallon made spinach and cheese ravioli. Like usual, it was delicious. Later that night we decided to play Monopoly. We were all super competitive, which makes things interesting. Our games of Monopoly often lasted several hours, if not days.

Three hours later, Moon placed a hotel on Boardwalk, meaning certain death for anyone who landed on it. Half an hour after that I was about to land on it when someone unlocked the door.

"Thank god," I muttered under my breath right as Steve walks in. Moon's face lit up. "Steve!" She jumped up and hugged him tightly. Dallon and I followed, saying our hellos. "How was your trip Steve?" Dallon asked as we sat down.

"It was fun. I think Eliza's family liked me, so that was relief."

"Oh good! Did you like them?" Moon aksed.

"Yeah they're very nice. Her dad is very funny, too." We talked for a little while longer and then went to our rooms. Moon and Steve shared a room. They had been best friends as long as Dallon and I, so they couldn't care less that they weren't the same gender.

"Do you know when you're going to propose to Laurey?" Dallon asked.

"I don't know, but not yet. I want to go on one last normal date first, to make sure this is definitely what I want to do, and to calm my nerves. So maybe next week?"

"OK. Cool, cool. Goodnight Saint. Love you."

"Goodnight Dall. Love you too." He turned if the lamp and we went to bed.

That night I had a dream about my wedding. I was standing at the altar, with Dallon and Steve by my side. Laurey was walking down the aisle, a veil covering her face. We said our vows, and at the end I lifted her veil. Instead of her enchanting blue eyes, she had coal black eyes.

She started laughing menacingly. She reached into the folds of her long white dress, and pulled out a short dagger. My breath caught in my throat as I staggered back in fear.

"Don't worry Saint, I'm not going to hurt you," she cackled. Then she spun around and plunged the knife into Dallon's chest. I screamed as my best friend fell to the ground. I sprinted forwards, not caring about getting myself hurt.

I felt his wrist for a pulse; there was nothing. He was gone. Tears fell from my face as I slowly stood and faced Laurey. "How could you do this?" I asked. She walked towards me.

Putting her hands on the sides if my face, she kissed me hard and forcefully, without an ounce of love.

#under the moonlight #book #story #mine #chapter 2 #utm

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chepsi · 7 years

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#txt #you REALLY don't have to and shouldn't read this it's mostly for my own reference and i love to talk so #it's really really long and incoherent don't read it #it's 3 am

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kindergarchy · 7 years

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You Too Can Have A Body Like Mine by Alexandra Kleeman

On the book jacket’s sleeve, Kathleen Alcott (not sure who she is, presumably an impt/well-known figure in contemporary literature) praises this book: “A terrifying and elegant talent you will not soon forget.” In contrast, I do actually want to forget about this book…. and I did, until I remembered that I have not penned down my thoughts abt this book.

I thought the book was weird, maybe you can manage to imply good interpretations - maybe the issues she is trying to raise are impt - body image, the mechanism of a cult, noise caused by an endless tirade of commercials and advertisement, consciousness, a sense of self + belonging, etc… but all of these are drowned in a foggy sea of plain weirdness.

Tbh, I did really like some parts, I did go wow that’s rly well-written. It made me think of tao lin’s taipei, like small revelations of things, things that people dismiss - these things are not a ‘big deal’, nevertheless it makes you think that ok so it’s not just me. Maybe I do have a bit of social anxiety, that’s why I can find traces of me in A, but most of the time this seething, electric sense of connectedness is eclipsed by the extreme alienness of sensations the character is experiencing. I also like parts where the narrative keeps questioning A’s sense of self, sometimes it rubs off on me, especially after reading Sam Harris’ Waking Up

Ok I’m gonna paste its synopsis on goodreads here:

“A woman known only as A lives in an unnamed American city with her roommate, B, and boyfriend, C, who wants her to join him on a reality dating show called That's My Partner! A eats mostly popsicles and oranges, watches endless amounts of television, often just for the commercials— particularly the recurring cartoon escapades of Kandy Kat, the mascot for an entirely chemical dessert—and models herself on a standard of beauty that exists only in such advertising. She fixates on the fifteen minutes of fame a local celebrity named Michael has earned after buying up a Wally's Supermarket's entire, and increasingly ample, supply of veal.

Meanwhile, B is attempting to make herself a twin of A, who in turn hungers for something to give meaning to her life, something aside from C's pornography addiction. Maybe something like what's gotten into her neighbors across the street, the family who's begun "ghosting" themselves beneath white sheets and whose garage door features a strange scrawl of graffiti: he who sits next to me, may we eat as one.”

I was reading it on the sleeve of the book jacket and thought… ummm. Weird. And sometimes it happens when I read a synopsis, so I thought of it as nothing - the impression dissipates as soon as I savor the book and have a good taste of what the book is trying to portray/drive at - replaced by a relief, a sense of familiarity. I thought I would arrive there, so I waited and it never came, not even on the last page. Like… the weirdness did not feel bizarre in a way that makes you wonder (I’d like to think of myself as having a good tolerance for strange things), it felt forced and synthetic… again maybe this is due to the fact that I do not have extreme paranoid tendencies, I think it’ll be good to have real ppl who do experience paranoia to testify whether the scenarios laid out are plausible, if they do, then probably my unfavorable view of this book emerged not out of the book’s lack of merits, but my incapability to absorb something I can’t relate with well enough

I liked this part where A mentions to her boyfriend C about a weird sighting of her neighbors, which C dismisses almost instantly. C is often capable of convincing her effortlessly, perhaps even unintentionally, that everything is fine, normal. I felt that this is done semiconsciously by C out of convenience, he does not want to bother entertaining probable, but seemingly ludicrous possibilities (low-level paranoid thoughts) - and A likes that, because it makes her think less crazy thoughts, nevermind that it leads her into thinking that she is the crazy one, and without her realizing creates an imbalance in their relationship’s dynamic (ie A needs C more than the reverse):

“Okay,” C said thoughtfully, as though he had made a decision. He put his phone in his pocket and pulled himself up to a standing position. “You are a sensitive person, you saw something weird, you feel spooked. No pun intended. There are plenty of reasons why what you saw might have happened, and some of them are weird. But some of them are just boring. You know? That family could have been going to some kind of school pageant. Or a birthday party. So you can ask yourself: Do I live in a weird town, or a boring town?”

I blinked at him.

“I’d say boring,” he added, nodding and then raising both eyebrows expectantly.

I loved his face, his bland white good-looking face. I believed in him and therefore in the boringness of my town. C was good at handling me. He made things suddenly, instantaneously normal, just by explaining them. He was like a magnifying glass, I only had to look through him to see the world in crisp detail. And he had a really nice smile and good teeth.

This is one of those “not a big deal” moments, and how the narrator jumps from C’s ability to his physical appearance, like his positive quality has a halo effect on his physical appearance (or maybe it’s the other way round), this thought process seems very natural, how your mind jumps from one thing to another, following a pattern

I also think this is very well written, how A describes her gaze direction which relies on her boyfriend’s - a subtle hint at the commensalistic tendencies their relationship is developing:

I went over and got under the blanket with him. I tucked my feet in under his things and looked where he was looking.

Also this kind of self-inquiry, the idea that your sense of self is constantly evolving, it assumes and loses its shape constantly - reminiscent of Elena Ferrante’s My Brilliant Friend, only here told directly and real-time instead of being inferred through a nostalgic rewind:

Think this through, I said to myself. Just because you weren’t the person he thought you were doesn’t mean that you won’t be that person at some other time, someday. It doesn’t mean you’re not you.

And this separation between inner and outer lives, which to some might seem like an act of hypocrisy:

What bothered him, what seemed filthy, was the emotional aspect, the way I had dictated the personal. “You need them not only to be doing something for you but also feeling some specific way about it,” C said. A begging quality had entered C’s voice. C said: “Why can’t you just let people have their own inner lives, as long as they’re doing pretty much what they’re supposed to do with their outer lives?”

Plus substituting your object of desire as a coping mechanism, citing classic sociology studies:

Baby monkeys taken from their mothers will form attachments to fake mothers made of cloth or electrified wire, ducklings with no parents will imprint on a cardboard box with an alarm clock ticking inside of it. Wanting things was a substitute for wanting people, one of the best possible substitutes.

And lastly, what keeps you from going batshit crazy (like in Han Kang’s The Vegetarian, it is a very thin thread we are holding on to with all our might):

“Are you one of those people who acts normal, but is secretly about to chuck their lives and disappear?” I asked. If that were the case, I wasn’t going to waste my time getting to know him. I knew that we’d be dating for a while, at least, when he laughed several times, loudly, and kissed me for what was then the third or fourth time ever.

“Yeah, right. No way. Neither are you,” he said. “I’ve seen that on TV, those dads, and it is nuts. No way. Everything’s worked out great for me since whenever, I don’t have any plans to make it complicated. Besides, I’m attached to my material goods.”

What material goods? I wondered. Then I followed the arc of his arm pointing to a location across the room. He had been referring to his collection of DVDs, heaps of horror and comedy and porn, stacked together in a pile the size of a small love seat.

But these parts are more or less detached from the main crux of the story, I found myself slowly growing a particular dislike toward Kandy Kat’s commercials, and the ridiculous (not absurd) appeal of the cult…. Idk, it felt like the narrative invents a problem then attempts to solve it, instead of borrowing one from real life and emphasizing it

So yeah, I’m open to read more of Kleeman’s stuff, she nails interesting observations, and this book is fun to read at times, despite my complaints

#alexandra kleeman #you too can have a body like mine #book review #contemporary literature #alt lit

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