🤦🏽‍♀️

Top!Luke Masterlist

7-Eleven (ao3) - iCheeseYou (EHkook) Luke/Ashton T, 74k

Summary: Ashton Irwin is a master of thievery. He steals from general stores, food markets, jewelry shops, museums, and people's homes. Never once did he get caught nor did anyone find out his identity. He loves being a thief. Stealing is his addiction, and he has no intention on curing it.

However, there is one place and one place alone that he does not steal from, and that's the 7-Eleven at the corner street. He goes in late at night to buy things for himself and to see a boy who works during that time named Luke Hemmings.

Better Than FIFA? (ao3) - emiliathegreat (puckdummy) Michael/Luke E, 2k

Summary: Hotel nights on tour are usually a blessing, but with all the shit Luke's been facing lately, it's exactly the opposite. Michael isn't one to help, either.

black is the colour (of my true love's hair) (ao3) - hemmingscliffords Michael/Luke E, 2k

Summary: His eyes graze over Luke's ash blonde hair, the multitude of colours from various batches of highlights that their stylists have given him over the past year, the butterscotch coloured roots that are growing in from not upkeeping it, and out of nowhere Michael thinks that holy shit, Luke would look awesome with black hair. Maybe an ebony colour that had a midnight blue washed through it.

Burned By Love (ao30 - JcLoveex (orphan_account) Luke/Ashton T, 3k

Summary: "I don't think you do babe, I think you're lying." Luke smirked lightly, even though his pants were so fucking tight. "Are you lying Ashton? You don't want me to fuck you, you want that guy to fuck you don't you? You want him to spread you open and fuck you senseless don't you? Want him to eat your ass and call you those names you love so much while you ride his tongue, don't you Ash?"

Or the one where Luke has to remind Ashton who he belongs to.

Club of Misfits (ao3) - felixandtae Luke/Ashton, Michael/Calum T, 274k

Summary: ❝Everyone has flaws. You me, Michael and Ashton - we’re all just a club of misfits.❞

A club for those who need a friend created by two best friends.

Daisy (ao3) - boomerluke Luke/Ashton M, 121k

Summary: The last thing Luke expects when he wakes up hungover in the bed of his latest one-night stand is to come face to face with a freaking kid. But there she is all wild curls, thumb-sucking, and nonstop questions. Luke can't get out of there fast enough.

Ashton isn't the type to have one-night stands. He's a parent, after all. It was a mistake, and it won't happen again. At least that's what he tells himself when he comes back from his shower to find the naked college kid still in his bed, arguing with Daisy.

They couldn't be more opposites. At 25, Ashton has the responsibilities of two parents, raising his daughter and trying to pretend like he has everything figured out. At 21, Luke is a self-proclaimed Grindr god who doesn't care about anyone or anything but himself. So why is the universe (with the help of Michael and Crystal) so hell-bent on seeing them together?

do it better (ao3) - lourrygum OT4 N/R, 8k

Summary: takes place during the time michael lost his passport and was stuck in the US while his band performed in the UK. He feels upset about it and stops answering their calls and may or may not unfollow them on twitter, leading to questions and anxiety.

or, 3/4 of 5sos go to the US to see michael and end up fucking him senseless.

English Love Affair (ao3) - takeitoffhemmo Michael/Luke, Calum/Ashton E, 21k

Summary: Where Luke can't write an essay and maybe falls in love with his sort of tutor

FutureSex/LoveSounds (ao3) - Migs Luke/Calum, Michael/Luke, Calum/Ashton E, 47k

Summary: Luke is Med student/camboy with a crush on the Footie captain with a secret.

OR: Cake have a lot of hot sex for money whilst trying to pursue romantic relationships with other boys.

i think they're cute, though (ao3) - cliffakitten Luke/Ashton E, 2k

Summary: Honestly, there should be some kind of warning for shit like this: Your amazing, adorable boyfriend has recently bought glasses and looks fit as fuck, you're going to want to do unspeakable, dirty things to him. Please attempt to control your imminent hard on. -- Or Ashton has new glasses and Luke really wants to fuck him in them.

No Chance (ao3) - iCheeseYou (EHkook) Michael/Luke T, 72k

Summary: So Ashton's going on a road trip with his friend, Calum, and he invited me to tag along. Being the adventurous shit I am, I said yes, but I wouldn't have if I knew that Luke Hemmings was going as well. God, I hate that guy, and the feeling's mutual. Why does that annoying brat have to come along? And Ashton and Calum expect us to be friends? Yeah, right. There's no chance that Luke Hemmings and I, Michael Clifford, are ever going to get along.

passionately curious (ao3) - cliffakitten Luke/Ashton E, 17k

Summary: 'Luke Hemmings'

At this, he nearly choked for the second time that morning, since he just happened to know someone with that name. That someone being, his next door neighbour, the very hot neighbour, who Ashton may or may not have a huge crush on.

Yeah, that Luke Hemmings. Who apparently orders sex toys online...who knew? Definitely not Ashton.

Princess getting naked (ao3) - ShortIsNotFun Luke/Ashton, Michael/Calum N/R, 6k

Summary: Luke hemmings was the boy everyone wanted and that was obvious. Any time he walked in a room all eyes were on him and he loved it, loved the attention. But he never gave anyone his attention for more than maybe five minutes before he ruled them out as utterly dull and walked away, he simply got bored of everyone quickly. Except for the one boy who never seemed to notice him, the boy who seemed clueless. Ashton Irwin.

Or

Luke's kind of a dick and Ashton sucks his

Reflections (ao3) - punchinginadream Luke/Ashton M, 4k

Summary: Ashton doesn't like his body. Luke decides to fuck him in front of a mirror to show him how beautiful he really is.

Requited (ao3) - orphan_account Luke/Ashton E, 18k

Summary: "You’re the prettiest boy in the whole wide world, don’t you know that?”

Surprisingly, Ashton giggles a little. “There are at least a gazillion people in the world, Lukey… you haven’t seen all of them.”

“I don’t need to,” Luke insists with a shrug. “You’re prettier than all of them, I just know it. And even when you’re sad, you’re still the prettiest to me.”

Or, Ashton just wants to be pretty. Luke shows him that he already is.

The best kind of trouble (ao3) - CliffordAffliction Michael/Luke E, 71k

Summary: After Michael is sent to a strict Preparatory school he meets the school troublemaker, Luke Hemmings, and his world begins to change

The Bodyguard (ao3) - iCheeseYou (EHkook) Luke/Ashton, Michael/Calum M, 138k

Summary: Ashton Irwin is a hot and famous celebrity that all the people love, look up to, or despise. He's cocky, selfish, and always puts himself before others. Despite his personality, he's pretty much wanted by everyone in the world.

But when things escalate to the point that Ashton nearly gets kidnapped, his manager assigns a boy named Luke Hemmings to become Ashton's personal bodyguard, much to the star's reluctance and annoyance.

Now Luke follows Ashton wherever he goes to make sure he's safe from any danger, but Ashton is determined to get rid of his bodyguard as soon as possible.

Without You (ao3) - ofmonstersandmayhem Luke/Ashton, Michael/Calum M, 67k

Summary: Nothing made Ashton happy anymore.

He was slowly drifting away.

Everyday he prayed for a savior. He had the tiniest sliver of hope in the back of his mind that someone would come and save him from all this darkness.

His prayers were answered in the form of a tall blonde boy with a lip ring. But was he able to save Ashton in time?

(or the cliche fic where Ashton's depressed with an abusive father but when Luke Hemmings moves into the neighborhood, his dark clouds open up to reveal a sunshine)

Always Have a Place (Preath x Teen!Reader)

Request: learning to love part 2 with reader being super attached to Chris and Tobin then someone coments about it and reader starts to feel insecure about it again and Tobin and Chris has to reassure her again

You pulled the blankets tighter around you, padding through the chilly apartment towards the sound of your mama’s voice. The cold Manchester weather wasn’t quite agreeing with you, and paired with the holidays, you had been a bit on edge for the past few days. 

You never understood what the big fuss around Christmas was (as you had never been visited by Santa when you were younger), and Christmas Trees kinda freaked you out (Forster father number 3 had sent one through a window on your first Christmas with them). Though Christen and Tobin tried to show you some holiday traditions, you just didn’t understand why making cookies and drinking hot chocolate were supposed to put the world in a more giving mood. 

You rounded the corner, glancing to the left where Christen was sitting on the couch, and Right where Tobin was talking at the dining room table. You thought it was strange they never did video calls from the same room, but if it made them happy then who were you to judge. 

You sighed, deciding that Christen looked more cuddly, and began shuffling in her direction. She glanced over the top of her laptop at you, opening her arms to invite you in as she took in your tired form. 

“Hmm, you’re warm,” You mumbled, wigging into the woman to find your favorite spot. Christen giggled, wrapping her arm around you and pulling you closer, placing a kiss on the crown of your head. The two of you had grown close (almost as close as you and Tobin) in the past few months, and while you and Tobin bonded over art, you had become her cuddle buddy. Plus with the bad feelings the holidays always dredged up, you had been a bit more clingy than usual (not that her or Tobin were complaining) and her calming figure had put you at ease. 

“I’m glad baby, just a few more minutes and then we can all go to bed alright?” Christen asked softly, running a comforting hand through your hair. 

“You don’t have to rush, I’m comfy now,” You mumbled, allowing your mom’s scent to relax you. Now that she was here to ward off your nightmares, you were finding it difficult to stay awake. 

“Awe, is our favorite designer in training tired?” Megan jested from the screen, and you stuck your tongue out at her. 

“In training? My design sold out in less than a day,” you grumbled. You had been honored to work with your Ma on the popsicle capsule and were super excited that your work had done well. It was nice to know your art was appreciated, even if it wasn’t the typical portraits you did. 

Megan laughed, nodding in concession, glad you had warmed up to her. You were making amazing strides with not only the women that had become your moms but with the team as a whole. 

“The time change is a little much for us all I think,” Tobin said, glancing over at the two loves of her life from the kitchen table. God, you had come so far, had grown so comfortable coming to them when you weren’t feeling alright. 

“We all know the truth, that kid is just super attached to you, and probably can’t even sleep by herself,” Kling laughed, not noticing how you flinched slightly. You didn’t know Kling as well as you knew Megan or any of the other members of the USWNT and you weren’t quite sure how to take her teasing. 

“I can attest that Y/n is pretty cuddly. I don’t know how you detach her to train sometimes,” Pino shrugged and your eyebrows furrowed. Did Pino think you were too clingy too? Did she think you were holding your mom’s back? If they couldn’t train, they couldn’t be the best. They wouldn’t want you anymore if you were hindering them. 

You twisted slightly uncomfortable, pulling away from Christen’s comforting embrace. 

“I’m gonna go back to bed,” You mumbled, tucking your Batman blanket tighter around you. 

“You sure babe?” Christen asked, brushing a strand of hair away from your eyes. 

“Hmm,” You hummed, shuffling off to go and cuddle Roary. Hopefully, he could keep your nightmares away (not missing Tobin’s “Nice going, Kling,”). 

****

You woke with a start, sitting bolt upright and clutching your blanket tightly to your chest. You gulped down the bile that rose in your throat. You ran your hand across your forehead, pushing the sweaty strands of hair from your clammy skin. 

You blinked at the red number of the clock, the little 2 mocking you. It was the 4th time this week. Every part of you longed to go find the comfort your Mom and Mama always offered when you had a nightmare. But you couldn’t bring yourself to disturb them. Kling was right, how the hell were they supposed to play well with you bothering them every time you had a little scary dream. You were 14, not 4. 

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose and smoothing your thumb over both of your closed eyes in an effort to chase away the images that plagued your sleep. You were never going to get back to sleep now. 

You leaned over and grabbed your trusty drawing pad, before quietly tiptoeing out of the room, and down the hall. You paused as you passed the slightly ajar door to your moms’ room. They never complained about your frequent visits to their bed or pushed you to tell them which ghost from your past had made you end up there. 

You shook your head, taking a second to convince yourself that not going to them was going to benefit you in the end. If you stopped bothering them, being so clingy, they wouldn’t get tired of you. They wouldn’t get rid of you. 

You continued down the hallway, bypassing the kitchen in favor of turning into the living room. You stared out the bay windows, wishing for a minute that you were back in Portland. That you had the balcony to stand on and collect your racing thoughts, and the cool night air to ground you back in reality. Alas, you were here in the UK instead. 

You sighed again, curling up on the little window seat, staring listlessly at the drizzly night sky, and flipping mindlessly through the pages of your sketchbook. 

You settled on a blank page, mindlessly tapping your pencil on the paper. Your thoughts wandered, taking in the skyline as though it would tell you what to draw, how to set your mind at ease. The movement of your reflection in the window caught your attention, and suddenly you knew exactly what to draw. How to get your brain to stop obsessing over them leaving you. 

****

Tobin sighed as she entered the living room. It was the 5th time this week she had walked into the same sight of you slumped against the living room window, your pencil paused over your coveted sketchbook, which was balanced precariously on your knee. 

“She’s out here Chris,” Tobin called quietly down the hallway. How they had gone to waking up with you almost always cuddled between them (or on the foot of their bed) to you virtually pulling away entirely they weren’t sure. It hurt to see the brick wall around your heart rebuilding itself in front of their eyes. 

Christen padded up next to her, wrapping her arms around Tobin's waist and resting her head on her shoulder. “Again?” She asked, the sadness evident in her tone. They thought they had gotten over the hurdle of convincing you to come to them for help, plus she was starting to miss her cuddle buddy. 

“Hm, we need to get to the bottom of this,” Tobin mumbled, leaning back into her wife. It wasn’t healthy for you to be awake all night, even if you were processing your emotions through art, if for you to be pushing them away. They tried not to push you too hard, tried to let you come to them, but you clearly weren’t. They were going to need to intervene soon. 

“I’ll make the coffee, if you want to wake little miss up,” Christen murmured into her neck, placing a soft kiss before heading off towards the kitchen. 

You may have been her cuddle buddy, but you always had an easier time opening up to Tobin. Her chill demeanor set you at ease. 

Tobin nodded making her way over to you, making a mental note to put an extra blanket on the window seat in case this was going to continue. 

She crouched in front of you, carefully maneuvering the dangling sketchbook out of your hand, barely glancing at the still open page as she set it on the coffee table, and placing a gentle hand on your knee. 

“Hey kiddo, it’s time to wake up,” she said softly, rubbing your leg to rouse you. 

“Hm, what time is it,” You asked, pushing your forehead against the cool glass and blinking sleepily at the woman. 

“Just after 8. What time did you come out here?” She questioned softly. 

You shrugged, yawning loudly. “Like 1:30. I couldn’t go back to sleep after my dream so I decided to come out here for a bit,” You lazily gestured towards your sketchbook “thought I could work through it and I guess I fell asleep,” 

“Why didn’t you wake Me or Mom up, we would have hung out with you until you could get back to sleep,”  The woman pressed, cupping your face and running her thumb over your cheek, brushing the dark circles that had grown more prominent under your eyes. You leaned into her touch, allowing it to ease your fears for the moment. 

“Didn’t wanna bother you. Your both starting today,” you said. 

Tobin squinted at you, her head tilting to the side. You were more important to them than any starting position, they thought you knew that. It was a piece to the puss me that was this change in your behavior, but she couldn’t seem to put her finger on the rest. She couldn’t quite see how it fit. 

“You could never be a bother to us babe, we love you and want to help you. And you’re our priority, never worry about soccer when it comes to stuff like this. If one of us has to sit out, it’s no biggie,” She said, looking you in the eye, repeating the words that had become their mantra to you. 

You hummed noncommittally, abruptly pulling yourself out of her grasp, looking away from her piercing gaze. That was too close, and you didn’t want her to make a promise you knew she wouldn’t keep. It would hurt less later if you didn’t believe her. 

“Is mom making pancakes?” 

*****

Christen was worried. Very worried. She hadn’t meant to go snooping, but the sketch on the page of your open notebook had caught her attention, and once she started she couldn’t stop. 

It was a striking image. The drawing of the view from their apartment was nice, but what really caught her eye was the reflection of you in the glass. There was something about your expression that tore at her very soul. 

You drew what you felt, and if you had this much disparity, then something was very wrong. 

“Have you seen this,” She asked her wife breathlessly. Tobin glanced at the page, nodding once. It had been the same sketch 4 days in a row, the only thing that changes were the expression. The eyes growing emptier, the shadows getting bigger. She bit her lip. 

“We have to let her come to us, babe. All we can do is try to be there for her,” 

And try to be there for you they had. They increased their touches (trying not to feel hurt when you pulled away), Tobin scheduled extra time for the two of you to work on the capsule together. Hell, Christen even started leaving hot chocolate in the window seat for you. But nothing seemed to be working. You were slowly slipping away and neither of them knew why. 

Christen sighed, glancing back at the sketch, so beautifully haunting. “I just want her to let me help,”

“She will, you just have to let her sort through whatever it is first,” 

*****

Your moms were on their feet mere seconds after your first shriek, racing across the hall and into your room, searching for the threat. They released a breath they didn’t know they were holding when they saw you alone in your bed until another strangled cry left your lips. 

“No, I’ll be good, please don’t leave,”

That was all it took for them to jump into action, Tobin flipping on your bedside light, and Christen crawling into bed beside you. 

“Hey baby, wake up, it’s just a bad dream,” your mom said, wrapping you up in her arms and rubbing your back to rouse you from sleep. 

“Mom?” You asked disoriented, trying to fight the gentle hands keeping you from accidentally hurting yourself. 

“Shh, I’m here, you’re ok,” Christen said, pulling you into her lap. You buried your face in her neck, gripping her nightshirt so tightly the cotton was straining in your grasp. 

You sobbed into her neck, your tears making the skin sticky. “Don’t leave me please,” You begged, the words garbled by tears and your adamant refusal to pull away from your favorite hiding spot. Christen shushed you, rubbing your back with one hand and cradling your head with the other, sharing a worried glance with Tobin over your head. The other woman stood next to your bed, her hands opening and closing, shifting foot to foot unsure how to help you. 

“Never baby. We’re not going anywhere,” Christen soothed, gesturing for Tobin to take your other side. She did, hugging you from behind to let you know that she was there too. 

They held you as you cried, whispering sweet nothings over your unintelligible whimpering. 

“I’m sorry I’m too clingy. That you can’t practice as much as you used too,”

“No baby, we don’t feel that way at all. We love you, and we want to be here for you,”

“But Kling and Pino-“ You protested, only to be cut off by Tobin solemnly shaking her head. “Were joking, they didn’t mean anything by it. They’re both glad that you are opening up to them,” 

You stared at her in disbelief (and Tobin made a mental note to murder her friends for being assholes. They needed to learn that even though you felt comfortable, your fears and insecurities were not something to be picked on, even with the best intentions). 

“And so are we. We’re glad and honored that you’ve opened up to us, and let us see your goofy side, and your amazing art,” She added, brushing a wild curl from in front of your eyes. 

“Really?”

“Absolutely. We love how cuddly you are- it makes up for the 13 years we didn’t get with you,” Christen said, squeezing you tighter just to prove her point. It had taken you a long time to let them in, and though it was still a work in progress, they were honored you trusted them. That you had let them in further than anyone before. 

“Will you stay?” You asked in a small voice, almost afraid of the answer. 

“Always,” Your moms answered together. Tobin pulled back the covers, allowing Christen to maneuver the two of you inside before joining you. You sighed, reveling in their safety. Here, wedged between the women, you knew you would always have a place. 

Hey Amber, I wanted to ask you about Seasonal Affective Disorder. I remember you talked about it some time ago, and I wanted to ask if you have any advice on how to deal with it. I'm trying to figure out where I want to live, and as someone from the south of Europe with mild depression it makes me wary of moving up north, cause everytime it gets rainy/grey for like a week I feel the difference in my mental health. Do you have any advice/thoughts? Thank you, I hope you have a warm day!

Hiya babes!

Um, yeah, so. This is the whole reason Scandinavia isn’t on the list for me, hahah, I would Not be able to handle such few hours of daylight for such long periods of time. And I do have to admit that it gets hard here (or in the UK) sometimes as well, but it’s worth it for me because I do genuinely love where I live. It’s difficult, but you learn to deal with it.

So first I’d check with yourself where you see yourself living, and why, and then start thinking about what you can do regarding your seasonal affective disorder.

Then, first disclaimer: I didn’t get diagnosed, I didn’t see a doctor about this, I figured it out on my own. I cannot stress this enough: THAT IS A BAD IDEA. Go see a doctor, if you think you have it, and get your blood checked as well to see if you have a vitamin D deficiency, for example. Your doctor can help think of ways to make it easier to bear so you don’t have to figure it out all on your own or accidentally fuck up your rhythm.

That being said, there’s been a few game changers for me, once I admitted this was something I deal with:

What I found helps is to invest in a daylight lamp. An actual therapy lamp, not the sunset ones. Although if you can spare the money, get one of those as well: my alarm clock is a sunset lamp and it does make getting out of bed in winter slightly easier, because it gets progressively brighter the closer it gets to your alarm. I have one from Philips, it does do its job nicely, I am less groggy in the morning when I use it and wake up more gradually, so you feel slightly more refreshed when you get out of bed. I say slightly because I still am anything but a morning person and I do notice the difference vs: summer months, but it’s not as big a nightmare as it usually is in winter and every step is a win tbh.

As for the actual therapy lamp, it’s been a life saver for me. Check with a doctor or therapist how long you need to sit in front of it, but it’s best to start at the end of September and sit in front of it in the morning while you have breakfast or do your makeup or something. It is vital that you start in time — I often forget until November and by then I am already miserable and wondering what the fuck is up with me and why I feel so out of sorts. It takes two weeks to take effect, so if you start by the end of September then by the time it’s mid October and the days are getting shorter, you’ll already be stocked up on your vitamin levels! I tended to dissociate a lot when SAD had arrived (which, the abbreviation for that is very fitting, no? yikes) but when I use my therapy lamp, the dissociating spells are almost entirely gone. am I still sadder and more tired than usual? sure, but not NEARLY as bad as it used to be, it makes a world of difference for me.

Also, I take magnesium and vitamin D supplements especially in the winter months. If you’re from the south of Europe I’m assuming you also have darker skin than Northern Europeans and when you’re, well, not white, you get a vitamin D deficiency much quicker than the locals do. I take my vitamin D supplements year round because I’m apparently permanently suffering from a deficiency, and it does really help to keep me sane and a bit more energised. In the summer I slack a bit but I do immediately notice a difference!

This sounds dumb, maybe, but music. Songs that either lift my spirits and serotonin levels, OR let me wallow in my moodiness: they just make it all a bit easier to bear.

And if you need to sleep more during those days, that’s okay! That’s your body telling you what it needs, and apparently it needs more time to recharge.

Also: remember it’s not you. That monster in your head, that deep dark pit, or that grey cloud over your thoughts — it’s not you, and it also doesn’t last forever. The second the sun is out you’ll feel better, and the sun always, always returns in the end. That’s what I hold onto when I am in the thick of it.

Lastly, I hate to say it, but excercise and journaling are beneficial to stay in touch with what you really feel. Do I exercise? No msmsms but the short amount of time I did yoga after work in the winter months I did notice a difference, I instantly felt more clarity, especially because yoga forces you to tune in with your body. And writing out what you feel is good to get a grip on what it is exactly that’s going on in your brain, and also to differentiate between /you/ and the SAD. sometimes you have no idea why you’re feeling as low as you do, until you write it down and you’re like “oh, HANG ON, it’s winter! here SAD went again! shit!” rather than blaming yourself for feeling so low.

I hope some of that helped, though I know it’s expensive things to invest in or they’re a hassle to do, but they did really help for me. And I feel for you, it really is the worst, I always forget what it feels like during the summer because you can barely imagine, and then suddenly it hits you like a truck again.

I’m always here if you ever wanna talk about it some more!

Peppermint Plucks

SPENCER REID X MALE READER

read on ao3

Summary: When Spencer Reid starts to feel more lonely than usual, Penelope suggests he picks up guitar. Unexpectedly, he finds himself with a crush on his teacher.

Category: fluff

Warnings: implied sexual content

Word Count:1720

A/N: requested by @riley-killjoy​ ! thanks for the request :)

Garcia noticed first. Spencer had been more absent minded at work recently. He barely finished half of his case files before lunch anymore. Giving his troubling past, it was cause for worry. So she was going to do something about it. After most everyone left the office for lunch she walked into the bullpen and sat on his desk.

“Hey, boy genius, what’s got you slacking recently?”

“What are you, Hotch?” He retorted.

“Come on, I’m being serious! It’s lunch and you’ve only finished a third of your paperwork. What’s going on in there?” She ruffled his curls and pushed them out of his eyes.

“I don’t really know. I’ve just been feeling kind of lonely recently.” Spencer shrugged.

“What are you talking about? Emily brings you coffee once a week, Derek gets you food from that Thai place you love when you're working late, and we invite you out for drinks every Friday. You’ve got people that care about you, babes.” Penelope rubbed his knee as she spoke.

“I know. I guess I just want something more? I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

“I wish there was someone with me all the time. Someone to wake up to. Someone to go to sleep with. Just.. something.” Spencer fidgeted with the pen in his hands and looked at his feet.

“Aw, Spencer, you don’t need someone.”

“But I want someone.” He looked Penelope in the eyes almost urgently.

“Hey, since you spend so much time alone, why don’t you use your time to learn something?”

“Not sure how that would help seeing as I think I’ve learned just about everything, but go on.”

“You remember my ex Sam?” Spencer nodded. “Well, we got together because I started taking uke lessons after I got dumped. He was my uke teacher. He doesn’t teach anymore, but when I took lessons from him I used all of the time I could’ve for crying and I used it to play. Why don’t you give it a try?”

“Fine. I’m not playing ukulele though. Totally not my style.” 

“Totally not your style. Got it. Your first lesson on whatever string instrument you please is on Friday.” She got up from the desk and walked towards the elevators.

“Hey, Pen?”

“Yes, sugar cakes?”

“What’s the name of your current teacher?”

“Y/N!” She called as the doors of the elevator closed.

“Y/N..” Spencer repeated to himself.

On Friday Spencer showed up to Penelope’s apartment at 5:30, 30 minutes before Y/N would get there. As Penelope tuned her ukulele Spencer rambled about the history of string instruments and their improvement through the years. He jumped when there was a knock at the door.

Penelope opened the door and Spencer thought he was dreaming. Y/N seemed to be glowing before him. His smile was soft and kind. 

“Penelope! Good to see you again. I see you have a friend today.” Y/N said as he hugged Garcia.

“Yes! Y/N, this is Spencer. Spencer, this is Y/N.”

Y/N reached his hand out.

“Oh, he doesn’t-”

“Hi! It’s good to meet you.” Spencer took Y/N’s hand in both of his and shook gently, surprising Penelope.

“You too. Penny told me you’re looking for something other than a uke, so I got some other instruments in my car, but here’s a guitar for now. Pen, why don’t you start showing him some chords as I get the other instruments?” He slipped the guitar case off of his back and gave it to Penelope.

They sat on the couch together and Penelope showed Spencer the chords and how to play them.

“So, what do you think?” Penelope asked.

“About what?” Spencer wondered if Penelope could sense his nervousness that easily. He didn’t normally believe in true love at first sight, but holy hell did Y/N make him. When he shook his hand warmth spread through Spencer’s body and he swore that you could see his eyes turn to hearts. God, he hoped it wasn’t just him being lonely that caused him to think like this.

“About the guitar, silly. What else would I be asking?” Penelope chuckled.

“Yeah, of course, uh, the chords are really easy. Did playing come to you this fast too?” Spencer quickly changed between hand positions and mouthed the letter of each note.

“Definitely not! It took weeks to teach Penelope just two chords.” Y/N laughed as he brought in a violin and cello, each held in cases on his shoulders. The sound of his voice caught Spencer’s attention. He loved how he articulated his words. “Why don’t you try strumming on that?” He threw Spencer a pick.

Spencer gave an experimental flick on the first string before going across all of them. The sound came out strong. Penelope looked shocked as a perfect E flat tone rang through her apartment.

“Whoa! You’re really good. You sure you’ve never played a guitar?” Y/N asked.

“Well, my roommate in college played pretty often but I never learned from him. Always stayed up late because of his playing though.” Spencer said.

“Makes sense.” Y/N sat on the couch next to Spencer. “He ever let you try?”

“Nope. I guess I just memorized what chords he played for fun.” Spencer nervously smiled.

“So, you gonna go with the guitar?” Penelope asked.

“Yeah. It’s familiar. Easy to learn.” Spencer strummed again.

“Okay, well I’ll go practice in my room so I’m not disturbing you.” She got up and ran to her bedroom.

Y/N went over the correct way to strum in order to produce the correct sounds and Spencer got a hold of it fairly quickly. Over the next few weeks Spencer would go to Penelope’s apartment at 5:30 every Friday. Soon enough he began to learn his own song. Lessons would be an hour with Spencer and then an hour with Penelope.

One Friday Y/N stood behind Spencer and guided his hands to the strings. Spencer lightly gasped and tried to seem at ease as Y/N’s fingers touched his own. He smelled like peppermint and sweet candies to him.

“I think we’re alone now.” He whispered.

“What?” Spencer turned his head to look at Y/N in confusion.

“Uh, the name of the song. It’s uh- It’s by Tiffany Darwish.” He took his hands off of Spencer’s and leaned down to shuffle through his sheet music.

“Oh. Okay.”

The next Friday Y/N suggested they go on a little field trip to a guitar shop. It was time that Spencer got his own guitar instead of always using Y/N’s. They found one that fit comfortable in his arms and with the permission of the owner had his lesson in the store. Seeing as they all went in the same car, Y/N would drop off Spencer and then he would go to Penelope’s and they would have a lesson.

Y/N walked into Spencer’s apartment with him. Penelope stayed behind in the car.

“So, this is your apartment? Why haven’t we had a lesson here?” He asked.

“Guess I just never thought to ask.” Spencer laughed.

Y/N moved behind Spencer and brought his hand onto his hip. Spencer turned around swiftly. Now Y/N was holding the small of his back.

“Is this okay?” he asked.

“Yes.” Spencer breathed out.

“I’ve liked you for a while now, Spencer,” he took the pale man's face in his hands. “Can I kiss you?”

Spencer nodded and pressed his entire body up to Y/N’s. The kiss started slow and innocent, but Spencer loved the taste of Y/N’s peppermint chapstick and they slipped their tongues in eachothers mouths. The intrusion made them moan and Y/N pushed them against a wall.

“What will we tell Penelope?” Spencer said as Y/N moved his kisses to his chin.

“Why do we have to tell her anything?” He sucked hard onto Spencer’s neck, where any marks would be hidden just under the collar of a work shirt.

“Oh…”

Monday was the worst day for the weather to be hot. Y/N’s hickeys still hadn’t faded from Spencer’s neck and if he changed into a regular t-shirt from his go bag they would definitely be visible. Against his better judgement, Spencer changed in the bathroom. He’d rather die of embarrassment than heat.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What you got goin over there, pretty boy?” Derek laughed as Spencer sat back down in his seat.

“Leave me alone, Morgan.” He scoffed.

“Nuh-uh. No way. If you got a girl I wanna be the first to know.”

“Not a girl.” Spencer mumbled.

“What was that?”

“He’s not a girl.” Spencer said clearly.

“Hey gu- Whoa! Spencer what is that?” Emily walked in with her coffee.

“Pretty boy has a boyfriend.” Derek stated.

“What?! Why didn’t you tell me? Aw man now I feel bad about setting you up on that date last week.”

“THAT was a DATE?” Spencer nearly screamed.

“Yep. And she’s still wondering why you haven’t called her back. So, what’s his name?” Emily laughed.

“I can’t say it. Also, he’s not a boyfriend. At least not yet.”

“Why not? Too embarrassed?” Now JJ had joined in the conversation.

“No! It’s just-”

“What is it, Spence?”

“He’s Garcia’s ukulele teacher..” He sighed.

“Wow, pretty boy. Wow.”

The next lesson progressed the same as it had two lessons before. Penelope was practicing in her room.They sat on the couch, Y/N’s hands guided Spencer’s on the guitar, and they pressed their bodies together. He showed how Spencer’s hand should pluck at the strings and once he got the hang of it they began singing the lyrics to “I Think We're Alone Now” together.

“I think we’re alone now..”

“There doesn’t seem to be,” Spencer spoke the next lines into Y/N’s lips, “anyone around.”

They began kissing, slow and deep. They pressed together and as Spencer turned more towards Y/N he dropped the guitar on the ground. The sound alerted Penelope and she rushed to the living room only to find Spencer pushing Y/N into a lying position on her couch with his lips. The second they heard her gasp they pulled away from each other.

“Sorry, Pen. He’s just too damn cute.” Y/N laughed.

Hold me close, I’ve never been so far from home.

Pairing: Tom and female reader

Warnings: a sprinkling of bad words, anger

Word count: 3.5k 

Quarantining with the boys had been quite fun. You and the boys had watched a lot of movies together, played a lot of games, and have spent a lot of time watching the boys tend to the chickens. There was only one small dilemma, you were stuck in the UK with them.

You were from overseas, and about two months before lockdown you decided to take a vacation to London. There, you met Tom and had instantly fallen in love with each other. He figured that he could at least spend some time with you before he had to fly to America to film. Besides, he knew you wouldn’t be spending much time in the UK, so he let you live in his home temporarily until you decided to fly back home.

Temporarily was the key word here. No one could have anticipated what was soon to come.

When it was announced in March that the UK would be under heavy lockdown, with no flights being allowed to enter your home country, you realised you were absolutely stuck here. With nowhere to go, and with limited money, Tom allowed you to quarantine with him and the guys.

For the first month, things seemed to be pretty good. Everyone was in high hopes and was positive that things would blow over in a few weeks, so things were good. Great, even.

That is, until you started to inevitably get on each other’s nerves. It was the little things that pissed you off about the boys. Like the way Sam doesn’t shut the tap off properly so it always drips, or when Harrison doesn’t bother to put the toilet seat back down. The boys were annoyed with how you never liked to load the dishwasher, or how you played your music around the house just a little too loud.

You were growing more annoyed with the boys every day, and they were equally growing annoyed with you. It would only be a matter of time until somebody snaps.

Today was that fateful day.

It was a nice morning when you woke up, with Tom sleeping right next to you in your shared bed. His arm was outstretched so that it was holding onto your waist, and your face was buried in the crook of his neck. The sun was shining bright as it was peeking through the blinds, and you could hear a bird chirping outside. You moved Tom’s arm so that you could get up, but it caused him to wake up slightly and wrap his arm around you tighter.

“mmm, five more minutes babe, I don’t want to get up.” He said sleepily, and in a hushed tone.

“Angel, I want to get up now. I need some coffee.” You said as you unwrapped yourself from him, and got up.

Tom made grabby hands at you like a child, while trying to persuade you to stay in bed.

“Babyyyy, cuddle with me right now.” He pouted, but you only shook your head.

“Sorry love, I’ll see you downstairs.” You said as you walked out of the bedroom and made your way downstairs for breakfast.

Harrison had made everyone pancakes, something that he did frequently. Pancakes always made your stomach hurt so you never ate them, and today would be no different. You grabbed a bowl from the cupboard and grabbed a box of cereal from the counter.

Harrison, who was sat at the table, sighed as he watched you make something else to eat for yourself.

“You know, why don’t you ever eat any of my pancakes?” He asked, while taking a bite of his pancake.

“I’ve told you before, they make my stomach hurt. And also, I don’t think that they should crunch the way they do. I didn’t know egg shells were your secret ingredient.” You joked, but Harrison didn’t take it that way.

“Well then I’d like to see you make something better then.” He huffed, grabbing his breakfast and leaving to eat in the living room.

“Damn, what a jerk.” You muttered under your breath as you were preparing your coffee.

“You know, we’re getting tired of your shit remarks.” The voice came from the other end of the room, and you looked up to see Harry leaning against the wall. He had his arms crossed and was glaring at you. He paused a minute before continuing to speak. “At least Harrison is actually doing something for once, unlike you. You literally do nothing and complain the most.” He remarked.

You sighed loudly and set down your cup of coffee on the counter. “Geez, I wonder what crawled up all of your asses this morning. I was only joking with Harrison. It’s not my fault he took it the wrong way.” You said while standing by the kitchen island, taking bites of your cereal.

Harry was furious with you, and everything you did was starting to grow on his nerves. How you always left dirty cups in the sink, how you never wanted to help with the chickens, or how you didn’t even want to help clean the house. Since you were living here, he figured that you would make yourself useful, but instead he, along with everyone except Tom, saw you as a hindrance.

“You know, we’ve all had it with you. No one even wants you around anymore. Hell, we wish you could just fly back home so that we wouldn’t have to live with you any longer.” He stated as he left the room after hitting you with that.

You stood there flabbergasted, allowing the words that Harry said to you to hang in the air.

You admit, you haven’t been the best house guest, but you were upset that you were stuck in a foreign country, without any of your family or friends. You were worried about their safety and hoped to god that they were okay, and you weren’t sure how long you would go without seeing them. It could be months, even a year until you would be cleared to go back home, and that was a harsh realization.

Being this depressed, you haven’t wanted to get up and do any chores. It was a chore to even get out of bed every day, and it was becoming a chore to shower regularly. You listened to loud music to drown out the thoughts in your head, hoping and praying that you wouldn’t think about the scary thoughts that crossed your mind all. the. damn. time.

It probably never crossed their minds that you were becoming depressed, and you didn’t want to spill the beans now. The boys still didn’t know a lot about you, and you were intent on keeping a few things a secret from them. Tom didn’t even notice you were upset, and you didn’t want to tell him. He was being kind enough to let you stay here, so you didn’t want to throw it up in his face.

Nobody seemed to notice that you weren’t your usual self, but then again, they didn’t know your usual self. They didn’t know that your nickname was ‘little miss sunshine’ because you were always smiling, but recently, you haven’t been living up to that nickname.

You continued to stand there long after Harry had left, but you couldn’t react, you were far too numb to react. The only thought running through your mind was “well, what if I’m someone I don’t want around.”

You felt nauseous, as though you were about to have a panic attack. You grounded yourself by holding onto the counter as you took a deep breath in, exhaling while counting to eight. Your therapist taught you this technique, and it did work.

You emptied the cereal into the garbage, poured the coffee down the drain, and loaded your cup and bowl into the dishwasher. That’ll show them that you actually can do something, you thought. You quietly unlocked the front door and put your shoes on, and one of Tom’s jackets, and stepped outside quietly so that no one would notice that you were gone. Well actually, nobody would care that you were gone either, you thought to yourself.

When you got really stressed, you found solace in taking a walk. So you headed down the pavement and towards the corner of the block, and crossed the street.

Once you were a few blocks away, you realised you didn’t have your phone on you. You were too upset to think about grabbing it. Not wanting to turn back around, you just kept walking further and further away from the boys’ residence.

You presumed that thirty minutes had passed, and you looked up to realise that you were lost. The streets looked less and less familiar, and you had never seen any of these businesses before. You felt a pang in your chest and realised that you had definitely fucked up. Now you were lost and you had no way of contacting Tom to come get you, or had any idea which way you came from so you could retrace your steps.

It began to pour as you walked around some more, trying to think about which direction you came from. You looked up to see a red phone booth, and hoped to god that it actually worked. You went inside to shelter yourself from the rain, and after shaking the rain off of you, you picked up the phone, and to your surprise you heard the dial tone. You rummaged around in Tom’s pockets and found about three pounds worth of 10p coins, and you were so happy that he carried it around with him.

Okay, now you just have to remember his number, how hard can that be? You thought to yourself as you raked your brain, hoping to have it magically come to you. You knew the first three numbers, and but you couldn’t remember the rest. You searched Tom’s pockets to see if maybe it was on something, and sure enough, when he went to Tesco last month, he used his reward membership, and his number was printed clearly on the receipt. You did a little happy dance as you stuck 60p into the coin slot and dialed the number.

God I hope he answers, you thought as the phone rang and rang.

——

While you were trying to figure out Tom’s number, Tuwaine was the first to notice that you were gone. He saw that the door was unlocked, and he distinctly remembered locking it before he went to bed last night. He knew Tom was home because he saw him walk to the kitchen, and he was just playing with the guys, so he figured it had to have been you who left.

Tom noticed that he didn’t see you on his way to the kitchen, but he presumed you were with the guys. He would find you after breakfast, since you owed him some cuddles, he thought to himself. He didn’t seem to be worried, but he became worried when he saw Tuwaine rushing into the kitchen.

“Hey did your girlfriend go to the shops or something? She’s the only person not here and she left the front door unlocked.” Tuwaine said as Tom began to choke on his breakfast.

“She didn’t tell me she was leaving, and her phone was still on the nightstand just a few minutes ago.” He downed his breakfast tea and got up from his seat.

“Where could she have gone to? I know (y/n) only leaves without saying anything when she’s upset. This means something, or someone, prompted her to leave. What fucker said or did something to make her upset, hmm? Was it Harrison? Sam? Harry? You, even?” He inquired, his jaw was tight and he was visibly turning red.

“Relax mate, it wasn’t me. I just noticed that she was gone, that’s all.” Tuwaine said in a calm tone, in hopes of easing Tom’s fears and hoping to calm him down. “Maybe she just went for a short walk to clear her head, I wouldn’t worry too much.” He said, but Tom stormed past him and towards the living room.

“Alright you little shits, which one of you did or said something to make my girlfriend run off? Hmm?” He exclaimed as he ran into the living room where the boys were playing FIFA.

The boys didn’t say anything, but Harrison and Harry exchanged glances, which only caused Tom to become even more furious.

“I swear to god I will unplug the console and throw it out the goddamn window if you don’t answer me right now!” He screamed, slamming his fist down on the coffee table to try to get the boy’s attention.

“Fuck dude it was Harrison and I, okay? Don’t kill us, alright? She came into the kitchen in a shit mood and made a rude remark about how Harrison can’t cook worth shit, and then I said that I wish she didn’t live with us. I mean, come on! She doesn’t even contribute around here!”

Tom stood there fuming, ready to strangle his little brother.

“Why the fuck would you say something like that? That’s awful. She’s staying here because she can’t go back home due to the fucking plague, Harry, the plague!” He threw his hands up in the air dramatically, as he began to pace the room.

“She doesn’t have her phone on her, I have no idea where she is and you twats told her to leave! Fucking hell, where could she be?” He asked as he was now pacing around the room frantically.

“I don’t know, but I’m enjoying the quiet.” Harry said as he let out a small laugh.

“That’s it, you’re dead.” Tom said with a straight face as he began to approach Harry at the couch. Harry then jumped up and threw his hands up in the air to surrender, but Tom was still furious.

“Okay if you don’t kill me I’ll help you find (y/n) okay? I promise and I’ll apologize so much and I’ll become her personal servant for the whole month and just please don’t kill me.” He squeaked out the last part, backing up so he could get away from Tom and nearly falling backwards onto the coffee table.

Tuwaine and Sam held back Tom as he raised a fist in the air, trying to squirm out of their grasp so he could punch Harry in the face. He deserves it, he thought. You could be anywhere and that scared Tom more than ever. He started to assume the worst, but he shook his head as he just crumbled to the floor, crying. He was sobbing into his hands, as he feared that he may have lost you, forever.

You didn’t tell Tom that you were becoming depressed, but he noticed that you didn’t seem like yourself recently. You didn’t want to have early morning cuddles anymore, and you didn’t smile as much as you used to. He knew how hard it was on you to not be around your family at a difficult time like this. Yesterday he had overheard your conversation with your mom over the phone saying how much you missed them, and it hurt him inside that he can’t really help. So he tried to cheer you up in many different ways. He would often send Harrison to the shops to get your favourite ice cream, and would offer to cuddle with you and watch movies when he had a chance. He was trying to be there for you, but his imbecile brothers ruined it.

The guys looked down on Tom, crouching down to hold him as he was sobbing and letting out small hiccups. Harrison and Harry looked at each other, knowing that they snapped at you for no good reason. Yes, they were annoyed with you, but they definitely overstepped when they wished you weren’t around anymore. Guilt built up in their stomachs as they saw how upset Tom was over you. They may find you a tad aggravating, but they knew that Tom didn’t see you that way.

“We’re sorry, we shouldn’t have said those things to her. We were just annoyed, but we also forgot how hard it must be on her right now.” Harry said as he continued to hold Tom. “We’ll help you look for her, yeah? Let’s hop in the car and drive around, hoping that we’ll see her walking. Besides, since everything’s closed, she can’t be at too many places. We can eliminate the mall, the parks and most of the shops and restaurants. It’ll be easy to find her.” He said, trying to get Tom to calm down a bit.

“Okay, let’s do that.” Tom snuffed as he was helped up by the boys.

As they were throwing on their jackets, Tom’s phone began to rang. It was an unknown number, but the location said ‘London’. He was hoping, praying that it was you, so he answered it.

“Hello, who is it?” He asked, holding his breath as he heard a sob on the other end of the line. “Hello?” Tom said again, as the voice on the other end said “Tom, it’s me. I’m in a red telephone booth. I didn’t even know they had those anymore and I’m lost and I need you to come get me now please.” You rambled into the phone, as Tom let out a sign of relief.

“Okay love, stay on the phone with me, alright? Tell me what you see around you and I’ll come find you. You need to be specific, can you read any of the street signs from where you are?” He asked, but you couldn’t. You weren’t wearing your glasses so you could barely read the small text inside the telephone booth.

“No I can’t read it, it’s too far away. But I’m right in front of a store called “that vintage shop”. You stated, hoping that Tom had heard of it before.

“Hold on, I’m telling Harrison to put it into maps so we can get you, okay?”

Harrison quickly put it into his phone and showed Tom where you were, and you were four miles away from the house.

“Love you really did take a long walk, you’re very far away but I promise I’m coming to get you, alright? So stay on the line with me and whatever you do, do not leave the phone booth. Can you promise me that?” He pleaded into the phone, and you said “I promise. I’m sorry, Tommy.”

“It’s okay darling, I’m just glad you’re alright. Please don’t ever do this again. If something, or someone-” he stopped to glare at the boys “is bothering you, you need to tell me first, angel.”

“Okay.” was all you could say, as you let out more sobs.

“Don’t cry love, I’ll be right there. It’ll only take us a few minutes to drive there.” He tried to reassure you, but you just began to cry even more.

The boys hopped into the car and went on their way to find you. Tom kept you on the line as he made you promise to never do that again, and told you over and over how much you meant to him.

You were so grateful for him, and you didn’t know what you would do without him. He’s been so loving, and you were massively in love with him. You didn’t tell him that, but it was hard not to fall in love with his sweet and caring personality.

He made you feel safe, even if you were standing in an old telephone booth in a foreign country. At that moment, you knew you had to keep him around forever.

You saw the car pull up to the curb, and Tom hurriedly rushed out of the car to get to you. You got out of the phone booth as Tom wrapped you in a tight embrace, slightly swaying as he continued to hold onto you.

You started crying and so did he, as he whispered in your ear saying “please don’t do that again, okay? I never want to let you go.” He paused for a minute and then said “I love you.” You quickly told him you loved him too as you began to kiss him in the pouring rain.

The boys watched from inside the car, and after a while you and Tom made your way back to the car. He opened the door for you to get in, and immediately the boys were talking over each other and apologizing profusely.

“Listen I’m so sorry, I promise we’ll never say anything like that again. We’re proud of you for at least putting your cup in the dishwasher before you ran off.” Harry said as tears were brimming in his eyes.

“What he said. We hope you can forgive us.” Harrison added, as you nodded your head yes.

“I can forgive you. Now please, let’s go back to your house, I’m freezing.” You said as Tom took off the jacket he was wearing to give to you.

“No, let’s go back to our house.” Harrison said as he began to drive back home to your house.

——

A/N: hi, I definitely made myself cry while writing this. If you have any requests or want to be added to the tag list please let me know! 💛

Mes petits anges: @starkissedholland​ @scarletxwidow​ @fangirlwithasweettooth​

Ben Hardy x Reader Headcannons, LONG.

This was originally titled “Ben x American!Reader” but idk how I feel about that, America’s lame. So, if you’re not an American, sorry, there are still some references to that, but otherwise it’s pretty generalized. Sorry! Nobody asked for this butttttt

- You probably met through Joe during Bohemian Rhapsody - When Joe met Ben, he just knew you two would get along - So he called you and insisted you visit him in London - “What?? Why??” - “There’s someone here I need you to meet” - He flew you out a week later, when they were doing the farm/Love of My Life/Bohemian Rhapsody scenes - He was so excited to see you, he rushed off the set to pick you up and twirl you around in a hug - “Y/N! You’re here!” - “Of course I’m here, I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to see Europe with you old friend!” - You catch Ben’s eye immediately - Joe introduces you to the rest of the cast, saving him for last - When you’re finally formally introduced, he can’t take his eyes off you - He’s in his wig and the blue button up, which is surprisingly silky - You find this out when you greet him with a hug, it’s warm and inviting - He smells lightly of cigarettes, but also of cologne - When you pull back, his arm lingers on your shoulder, a shy smile on his face - You come to the set everyday with Joe, for “encouragement” - But it’s really just so you can keep his chair warm (but it’s ineffective because the UK do be cold) - Ben notices this as the shooting goes on, and starts bringing an extra hoodie or jacket everyday, even when they move locations - He smiles when he sees your face light up - “You brought this, for me?” - “I saw you shivering yesterday, and since Joe is making you sit here all day, I thought I might as well try to make you less miserable.” - “Aw, thank you!” - He likes when you give it back to him at the end of the day, because by then it smells like you - You take turns bringing each other tea/coffee/hot chocolate (although it’s mostly you bringing it) - The rest of the BoRhap Boys make fun of you two alllll the time -Lucy’s kind of your closest confidante - One day towards the end of shooting, you run into her trailer where she’s packing up her bags - You’re wearing one of Ben’s navy blue hoodies - It’s way too big for you, but you’re so warm and toasty you don’t even care - “Lucy!” - “What?! Is something wrong?”

- You’re giggling like a fiend - “I need you to hide me” - “What?” - “I stole something from Joe and now he’s after me” - “What did you take?” - She’s asking you questions but she’s already moving things around so you can hide behind the small couch in the trailer - It doesn’t take long for Joe to come pounding on the door - “I know she’s in there! Let me in!” - “Whom? I don’t know who you’re talking about.” - “Y/N!!!” - Eventually he makes it into the trailer, immediately moving things around trying to find you - You’re trying super hard not to giggle - Ben sees Lucy standing in the doorway of the trailer and hears Joe’s yelling - “What’s going on?” He asks as he walks up to her - “Joe’s mad at Y/N because she took his picture of him and you from his make up station.” - Ben smirks and walks into the trailer, watching Joe tickle you while you’re squealing on the couch - “Give it back!” - “But... ah!... but you both look so cute in it! Please!” - “No! Get your own cute picture with Ben!” - Ben starts cracking up, approaching you two - Joe looks up at him, knowing about both of you and your feelings for each other - “We can take a cute picture if you want, Y/N” - You calm down your breathing, sit up, sigh, and reach into the pocket of the hoodie - “Fine, here” You say, feigning defeat - Joe takes it and victoriously kisses it, patting Ben’s shoulder - “I’m gonna get that fucking picture...” You mutter - And you do, eventually - You get many, many cute pictures and polaroids - At the wrap party after the last day of shooting, Ben asks if you’ll be going back to America soon - You tell him that you don’t have a return flight set up yet, but that you’ll probably have to go sometime soon - He asks you on a few dates, and it goes really well - But unfortunately you have to go back home - It’s a sad goodbye, but Ben insists that he’s going to call you everyday - And he does - Once a month he sends you a bouquet of your favorite flowers, always around the time of your period - He leaves little notes/cards with them, usually along the lines of        a. “Hello love, hope you’re doing alright this week, I know it’s not the best.”        b. “I’m thinking of you! Stay warm, let me know if you want another sweater.” - Among other cute things.  - When award show season comes around, he doesn’t even pretend to get a hotel room - “So, is your apartment ready for me?” - “It’s been ready for you! For months!” - The only downside is that he wasn’t able to bring Frankie - You guys rock the red carpet together - He can’t keep his hands off you, constant compliments - He’s v protective of you, holding/covering your drink when you go to the bathroom - You know that video of him and Joe at the 7/11??? - Yeah, you’re sitting in the car with Lucy, Rami, and Gwilym waiting for Ben to bring you out a fresh cup of coffee - “You two took forever. You’re not allowed to go on food runs anymore!” - The entire cast and you probably get drunk off your asses at Rami’s house, the ultimate after party. - You probably wake up in a spare bedroom in his button down - He’s next to you, breathing softly - His hair’s a mess and yours is too (not like a, “we fucked last night” but more of a, “we did some dumb shit last night”) - You get up before him and bring him a cup of coffee with just the right amount of cream - When you go downstairs, you see the rest of the cast, sprawled out on couches, making you smile - Everyone complains about the noise, but they quiet down when you distribute cups of coffee and aspirin. - Joe doesn’t even open his eyes when you set his down on the coffee table in front of him, he just says, “thank you Mom” - Once you get back to the room Ben and you shared last night he’s stirring - “Oh, there you are, beautiful” - You softly tell him to shut up and hand him his coffee - You run a hand through his hair when he groans about the sunlight coming through the blinds - He kisses your knuckles after a few sips and complains about his pounding head - Eventually you say goodbye to everyone and catch an uber back to your apartment - He falls asleep on your shoulder on the way back - He leaves a few days later to start shooting for Six Underground - It’s a sad goodbye (again) but you get through it - He does his best to call you when possible, and even introduces you to Ryan Reynolds, who makes fun of how he talks about you all the time - He flies you out to Italy, where you scold him the entire time and tell him to be careful during all of his stunts - “Stop it! sLOW DOWN!” - “Babe I gotta do it for the shot, let me practice before we film” - “Be careful though!” - He’s an utter dork about it and winks at you while he’s practicing - He even winks at you and sticks his tongue out during one of the shots, which makes the editors in post roll their eyes months later when they’re going through the footage - Somehow you wind up rolling your ankle ??? - You’re sight-seeing with him and you’re walking down some steps and ?? - He catches you and pouts when you insist that you’re fine while also hissing in pain when you walk on it - So he carries you back to his hotel and makes you lay down on the bed - You huff and complain but he kisses your forehead and you watch Netflix with him the rest of the day - He takes good care of you, propping it up on a pillow while wrapping you in blankets - He doesn’t even roll his eyes or smirk that much when you complain about the ice being too cold on your foot - You order his favorite (spaghetti carbonara) and you make him watch The Office, the American version - “No! I hate this! The British version came out first, that’s the original!” - “Yeah but this one is better, also, I’m INJURED” - He chuckles and boops your nose and says, “you’re lucky I love you so much” - And that’s the first time he tells you he loves you !!! - You stop mid noodle slurp with wide eyes and turn to him - You blink a couple times, swallow, and tell him you love him too - He smiles and puts an arm around you - A few months after you go back home, you get a call from your boss - They ask you if you’d like to work from home - You mull it over, then ask them if working from home could be done from another country - ... or continent.... - They tell you yes, and you call Ben nearly immediately - “Heyyy baby, remember how you told me you loved me and would support me no matter what?” - “Of course darling, what’s up?” - “How would you feel if I... maybe... moved to London...?” - He doesn’t even answer the question - His voice gets super high and he flips out - “Oh my god, really?!” - “Do you want to stay with me? I promise, my flat’s clean” - “Babe, Frankie misses you so much, when will you be here?” - You chuckle and thank your bosses for the opportunity - Your family isn’t in love with this decision, but they support you - And they like/trust Ben enough to be okay with this - Two months later you’re in London, luggage in hand - You’re looking around the airport, kinda freaked out - He finds you in baggage claim, taking you into a bigggg hug - He won’t stop kissing you !! - “You’re *kisses* so *kisses* beautiful!”  - “Ugh babe stop I just got off a plane, I know I look like crap” - “No. You’re absolutely radiant.” - He helps you with your bags and takes them out to his car - The entire times he’s holding your hand and telling you how excited he is - Your first night there he insists on taking you to his favorite takeout restaurant - It becomes a weekly tradition; takeout every tuesday - Months go by and the pandemic hits - Luckily his shooting for Pixie is done by then - But he’s still bored and on edge - You guys watch the news, but after a while it just becomes too depressing - You sleep in a LOT together - normally he’s not a morning person anyways, but any semblance of a schedule is now gone - One time you see an ad on the tele about animals more in need - Frankie’s sitting on your lap and you’re rubbing her ears - “Do you want a friend, Frank?” - She just looks up at you with big eyes - “We should get a cat.” You announce - “A cat? Are you crazy?” - “I dunno, I kind of want a cat.” - He just sort of nods slowly, averting his eyes back to the tv - A couple days later when you come back from the store you can’t find him - “Hon? Where’d you go?” - You hear some shuffling and moving around coming from your shared bedroom - “Shh shh no, hush, don’t chew on that, your mum will be so mad if you ruin her lamp” - “Ben?” - “Y/N! Hi love, come in, come in!” - You open the door and you see him sitting on the floor with a little black and white kitten on the floor in front of him - You squeal and drop to your knees - The kitten immediately takes to you, purring while you pet it - “What should we name her?” - It takes the two of you a couple of hours to figure out a name - But you settle on Mariposa, because it almost looks like she’s got butterfly wings on her back - Mariposa and Frankie actually get along really well !! - At first they were afraid of each other, but after having them both for two weeks Mariposa is more than comfortable cuddling with Frankie on one of her doggy beds - Ben complains every now and then about “all the estrogen” in his flat, but you just throw a pillow at him - “You chose Mari! And Frankie! AND ME!”  - Speaking of throwing pillows - That’s kind of your thing when there’s not any hot tea or coffee around - When one of you says something inherently stupid,  - BOOM - Pillow’s thrown at the other - Sometimes this leads to pillow and tickle fights (which somehow he always wins) - And yeah, that’s kind of the only two kinds of fights you guys have - Sometimes there are definitely cultural differences or perspectives, but you usually are able to contain those disputes enough to where no one’s voice is raised and there isn’t any lingering animosity - Ben is aware that you two are different people from different upbringings, and is mature enough to realize that you won’t agree on everything - BUT that is a great way to push each of you out of your comfort zones - Your relationship is by no means perfect - Especially in the beginning when it was rare for you to see each other when you weren’t on Face Time. - There were ups and downs and very hard times of just... missing him -  But through that entire journey, you never felt as if you weren’t meant to be - You knew that Ben was a hot commodity and as a growing actor he would be getting a lot of attention for how talented and attractive he is - And he knows you get a little worried/insecure/jealous sometimes, so he goes out of his way to show a little bit of extra PDA towards you when he feels it’s appropriate - All in all, he just wants you to know that he thinks you’re the real star of the relationship - His star, anyways - And while he’s done his best to take it slow, holding off on saying “I love you” too soon because he wanted it to mean a lot - He’s got something in the works - A little velvet box that he puts in every pair of pants, because you never know when the right moment arrives - He’s so nervous, too - There have been so so so so many times during quarantine that he’s wanted to just pop the question - But he knows he’s got to have just a little bit of patience - Then, one day, it comes - You’re nauseous as you look at the two parallel lines on the test - You’re freaking out, you have no idea what to do - If Ben even wants kids - If you even want to keep it - You slide down against the bathroom wall, feeling v clammy - After ten minutes, Ben knocks on the door - “Love? You alright?” - “I-um, yeah, one second!” - You stand up, hands trembling and open the door - He’s standing there, a worried look on his face - “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” - You hand him the test - “Sorry, it’s kind of unsanitary.” - This gets a chuckle out of him - It’s hard to read his expression, but you can see he’s trying to hide a smile - “Hold on, stay right there princess” - He disappears into your bedroom and you’re just standing in the doorway like ??? what is he up to ??? - A moment later he comes back and gets on one knee and you’re just... flabbergasted - It takes you a second to comprehend what just happened, but you say yes (duh) - He’s so excited - He kisses your forehead and then your tummy - He insists, and nearly begs to go with you to every OB/GYN appointment - You let him drive you there, and even in the earliest stages of the pregnancy, he’s got an arm on your womb the wholeeee time - At first you told the doctor you didn’t want to know the gender - But then she told you that you’d be having twins - TWINS - So you were like, “fine okay just tell us” - Ben looks like he’s about to faint when the doctor tells you they’re girls - On the car ride back he’s joking the whole time - “Oh my god the amount of ESTROGEN I’ll be dealing with is ASTRONOMICAL”  - The two of you have no idea what to name them - You ask Lucy and Rami, who are trying to conceive - The entire BoRhap cast is sending you suggestions alllllll the time, at any hour of the day - Joe wants you to name them Josefina and Frances since he’s the one who brought you two together - But you’re also planning a wedding simultaneously - You decide it’s going to be a very, very small and soon ceremony - The only people there are your very closest friends and family - Tbh the most expensive element was probably your dress - You get married two months after your engagement - And go through a very rigorous pregnancy - The twins are born with slight complications, which makes Ben worry about you the whole time - You end up naming them Ilsa and Delia, both beautiful and healthy - They for sure have Ben’s green eyes and your hair - And yeah - Life isn’t perfect, but it’s pretty damn close - Ben loves you and all his girls - Because you’re his girls - He’s a good and compassionate father, and his parents love to babysit for you - And if there’s such thing as a happily ever after, - This is it.

Masterlist

Edit 03/31/21

REQUESTS: I don’t do detailed requests (i.e., where the character, plot, and tone are all set in your mind), however, please feel free to send me suggestions for people I could write for and/ or prompts, premises, or just whether you want something fluffy/ smutty, etc. I’m pretty open about who I write for, although my familiarity level varies and some people speak to me more than others. I prefer to focus on people who don’t get as much love and attention from other writers because there’s already SO MUCH GOOD FANFIC OUT THERE and I’m still pretty new to this.

Edit 01/22/21

I’ve added short descriptions to serve as a guide.

*

I figured it was time I started one of these so that my fiction posts are a little easier to find in the mess. I’ll try my best to make sure it’s up to date. These stories are intended solely for an adult audience (18+) and contain strong language, violence, explicit sexual content, and mature themes. There are specific content advisories given on the individual posts. 

WWE (Raw & Smackdown)

Mustafi Ali

In A Parallel Universe

You and Mustafa have been friends through some tough times. But was it ever something more than friendship?

Aleister Black (see AEW: Malakai Black)

Drew McIntyre

All Kinds of Love

You and Drew have loved each other for years, through good times and bad. There’s just one problem...

Kevin Owens

Better Late Than Never?

You were slow to realize your feelings for Kevin and now you don’t know if your moment has passed. 

Damian Priest

Fall and Prey

Are you traumatized by your ex or obsessed with him? Or both?

Fortune’s Rule

Even when you’re gifted the opportunity to escape from your past, fate might have other ideas. 

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four

Sami Zayn

A Fine Line

You're supposed to be checking up on Sami to make sure his paranoia isn't impacting his work. But you're not convinced he's as deluded as some people think.

WWE (NXT & NXT UK)

Finn Balor

The Guardian’s Oath: 

19th century. Helen was raised by the church and assigned as a governess to the home of Feargal Devitt. However, she is caught up in a dark mystery involving her employer and the mythical demon Finn Balor.

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven Part Twelve Part Thirteen Part Fourteen Part Fifteen Part Sixteen

Shotzi Blackheart

The Call of the Wild Woman

Sometimes you meet a person who makes you question everything about yourself.

Adam Cole

Life of the Party

Desperate to get you back in the dating scene, some friends bring you to a swingers’ party. 

Cameron Grimes

Animal Magnetism

You’re a city girl who feels more at home in the country, occasionally admiring the wildlife. 

Karrion Kross/ Scarlett Bordeaux

You’re Invited

You’re a simple lab rat but somehow you’ve captured the attention of NXT sensations Scarlet Bordeaux and Karrion Kross. 

Fall and Prey

Are you traumatized by your ex or obsessed with him? Or both?

Candice Le Rae

Girl Time

It’s simple: You’re a lesbian and Candice isn’t. Except when she is. 

Dexter Lumis

Unsavory Dealings

No one knows about you and Roderick Strong, or at least that’s what you thought.

Ember Moon

Babes in Toyland

Sometimes unconventional couples have the most fun. (F/F)

Samoa Joe

The Wages of Sin

Being a computer tech is pretty ordinary until you find a client with a lot of kinky secrets.

Roderick Strong

Unsavory Dealings

No one knows about you and Roderick Strong, or at least that’s what you thought.

AEW

Darby Allin

The Camera Doesn’t Lie

In the midst of a wild party, you meet someone who likes to capture intimate moments.

Trust Fall

Darby is that one friend who can persuade you to do things normal people wouldn't.

Lance Archer

One More Temptation

Being a sex worker is fine until fate connects you with the kind of man you’ve sworn to avoid.

Malakai Black

The Escape Route

18th-19th century. Ursula is running to escape from charges of witchcraft and murder, but when she seeks shelter in an apparently abandoned church, she finds more than she bargained for. 

Whisky Secrets (sequel)

You're desperately in love with Aleister but he sees you as just the friend to run to when he's broken. This is a sequel to Whisky Secrets by Ghost of Viper Writes.

Down by the River

Grace Johnson lives in the shadow of her church minister brother in a Depression-era town threatened by the presence of Malakai Black and his "family", a group of outcasts who have built a camp on the shores of the river.

Part one Part two Part three Part Four Part five Part Six

Eddie Kingston

Water Seeks Its Own Level

You and Eddie have a history and you’re not eager to think about it. 

The Green-Eyed Monster

Sequel to Water Seeks Its Own Level. You’ve somehow found yourself caught up in the ropes of your no-strings-attached relationship. 

Kenny Omega

The Sensitivity of Horses

As Hangman’s wife, it breaks your heart to see him suffering. 

F**k and Run

It didn’t feel like a fleeting thing...

Hangman Adam Page

The Sensitivity of Horses

As Hangman’s wife, it breaks your heart to see him suffering. 

Anxious Millennial Love

Your job is to make sure AEW talent isn’t doing anything reckless. But it’s possible that you are. 

NJPW

David Finlay

Place Your Bets

You were absolutely certain Jay could beat his old rival David Finlay and now you’re in a bit of a bind.

Raise the Stakes

A sequel to Place Your Bets. You know you should keep your work and personal life separate but that ship has sailed and your lifeboat is leaking.

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part nine Part Ten Part Eleven Part Twelve Part Thirteen Part fourteen Part fourteen (alternate)

El Phantasmo

Boiling Over

You didn't like him when he was dating your best friend and he didn't like you.

Waking Up Alone

Breaking up just sucks, especially when you're not sure you wanted to.

Kenta

Words Better Left Unsaid

There are some things that Kenta just doesn’t want to hear you say.

Will Ospreay

Bad Guy

Lauren is 100% sure what she wants until she changes her mind. And she always changes her mind.

Zack Sabre Jr. 

Bad Guy

Lauren is 100% sure what she wants until she changes her mind. And she always changes her mind.

Hiromu Takahashi

Takes the Cake

You’re 40, recently divorced, and working yourself to death. So is Hiromu trying to make everything better or worse?

Shingo Takagi

His Consolation

Being a gay man in New Japan is already risky, and then you feel compelled to comfort Shingo over his bad G1 start. (M/M)

Tama Tonga

Bad Bromance

You’d love to kill Tama for destroying your relationship with his brother. 

Jay White

Shelter 

Late Medieval period. Is it a family emergency or political intrigue that’s led you to the home of Jay White, the young man who first stirred romantic feelings in you?

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five

Stripped

Working in a strip club exposes you to a lot of men, but Jay seems to need something more than usual. 

Place Your Bets

You were absolutely certain Jay could beat his old rival David Finlay and now you’re in a bit of a bind.

Raise the Stakes

A sequel to Place Your Bets. You know you should keep your work and personal life separate but that ship has sailed and your lifeboat is leaking.

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven Part Twelve Part Thirteen Part Fourteen Part Fourteen (alternate)

Other Promotions

Bea Priestley

Bad Guy

Lauren is 100% sure what she wants until she changes her mind. And she always changes her mind.

Friends With Benefits (Jeff Wittek Imagine) Part 9

Summary: Jeff and Y/N have been hooking up for a while. The whole vlog squad assumes they’re dating and Y/N does too but Jeff doesn’t like labels. He eventually starts to express interest in Natalie.

Note: Planning on making this a multiple part series, depending on how good it does.  You’re 21 & Latina in this (maybe) series. Also, I’d like to apologize for the typos, if there are any. I’m just illiterate lmao.  

Warnings! Pregnancy, PURE FILTH, KINKY AS SHIT, I SWEAR THIS MESS IS NASTY, NSFW. I’m being SERIOUS. Most of this chapter is sex. 

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5, Part 6, Part 7,  Part 8

Word Count: 1.7k

Jeff’s Birthday 12/15/19

David: *Vlogging* Everybody get in the room quietly

Zane & Toddy: *has buckets of ice water*

Everybody: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JEFF. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.

Jeff: *under his blanket and pillows* Guys. I’m old now. Let me sleeep.

Zane: Wakey wakey baby

Toddy & Zane: *throws the ice water on Jeff*

Jeff: WHHAT THE FUCK

*Everybody runs out of the room laughing*

Jeff: So now that I’m awake, are we all gonna snowboard today?

Y/n: I can’t, so I’m just gonna stay here.

Carly: Erin, Corinna and I will stay back with her.

Y/n: Great, people are feeling sorry for the pregnant girl.

Corinna: Not true. I also hate the cold and I don’t wanna fall down a hill.

Jeff: Okay cool. We’re gonna leave in 20 and y/n, call me if anything happens.

Night time

David: I know we already sung it this morning but-

Everybody: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JEFF. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.

Jeff: I just like to say thank you so much guys. I know that I’ve been such an asshole the past couple weeks but now that I’m 30 and we’re entering  a new decade in like two or so weeks, I want to make things right and also I’m going to be a father to two little girls. Y/n I know of personally apologize to you already but I just wanna say in front of everybody here. I am so sorry for everything I have done to you. I will admit, I am scared to become a dad, I will protect you and the girls with my life. And thanks to everybody that came here. This friend group has changed my life for the better.

Zane: Can we stop with this sappy shit and eat some caaake.

David: *vlogging* VARDON THROW THE CAKE

Jeff: wait what

Vardon: *throws the cake*

Jeff: *dodges the cake*

*little cake fight happens in the kitchen*

David: hey y/n, can I talk to you?

Y/n: Sure..

David: I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for how I acted yesterday. After hearing what Jeff said and the way you looked at him, I’m guessing you’re still probably in love w/ him.

Y/n: ummm…

David: I don’t blame you. He is the father of your kids and he most likely still has feelings for you too. Can we just move on and be friends again?

Y/n: I’d like that very much.

*after Jeff gets cleaned up*

Jeff: What did David say to you?

Y/n: that he wanted to move on and be friends again. So now, I’m officially single.

Jeff: So does that mean I can win you back?

Y/n: woah woah woah, slow down there Wittek. You're still on a trial run.

Jeff: Is there anything I can do on this trial run to make me a lifetime member?

Y/n: *getting horny* Maybe… I mean, technically you’re already a lifetime member. I’m pregnant w/ your kids.

Jeff: Sooo… I’m not crossing any lines if I do this? *pushes y/n down gently on the bed and hovers over her*

Y/n: Ummmm….. no.

Jeff: I bet your tits have gotten a lot bigger since I saw them last. I’ll only continue if you’re okay with this

Y/n: *smiling shyly* Oh gosh yes. Please continue

Jeff: *takes off y/n’s shirt* Wow, no bra? Were you planning this? *smirks*

Y/n: No but this better fucking happen because I’m gonna beat you if it doesn’t. My tits have gotten so sore since I got pregnant.

Jeff: *sucks of the right nipple and massages the left* Mmm, they taste sweeter from what I remember.

Y/n: *moans* Mmmm.. fuuuck. Daddy you can suck on my tits all you want.

Jeff: *laughs* Daddy? Someone’s got a daddy kink now?

Y/n: Oh shut up. Let’s be honest, you had a breeding kink before because you always loved cumming inside me before I got pregnant.

Jeff: touché… and I still will cum inside you at the end. I like to finish what I started babe *winks*

Y/n: You kinky whore.

*pulls Jeff in for a needy kiss*

Jeff: *takes off your leggings* Damn babe no underwear too? You were definitely planning this.

Y/n: *getting impatient* Jeff please eat me out.

Jeff: No problem. *kisses his way down to your pussy and his warm tongue licks from your entrance up to your clit.*

Y/n: Oh my god pleease don’t tease me Jeff.

Jeff: Anything for my queen *slowly circles his tongue around your clit* I love how you were always wet for me. *eats you out*

Y/n: *cries out in pleasure* I’m trying so hard not to cum so early.

Jeff: Cum anytime you want baby.

Y/n: Oh GOD I’M CUMMING.

Jeff: *fingers her and sucks on clit*

Y/n: *trembling* mmm I feel like I’m still cumming.

Jeff: You ready?

Y/n: *smirks* I’m always ready for you.

Jeff: You’re making it hard to be gentle w/ you cause I wanna fuck you so damn rough, but I don’t want to hurt you. And you also won’t be able to walk normally..

Y/n: And who says I want it gentle? *winks*

Jeff: You’re gonna be the death of me doll.    

Y/n: *gets on her knees & unzips his pants* I’ve missed your cock so much daddy. *You suck the pre-cum* It’s bigger than I remember.

Jeff: You’re daddy’s little pregnant whore aren’t you?

Y/n: I’ll always be your whore, cum slut, doll, you name it. *licks from the base of his cock to the tip* No one can suck like I can. *You hollow your cheeks so you can suck off as much as you can. His cock hits the back out your throat; you start to deepthroat Jeff*

Jeff: *grabs y/n’s hair & bucks his hips* Only daddy can fuck your mouth, cum inside you and get you pregnant, you got that?

Y/n: Of course. I’ll always take your cum.

Jeff: Get on the bed. On all fours.

Y/n: *Gets on the bed* Just fuck me rough daddy.

Jeff: *slams cock into y/n, gives her a bit to adjust* What’d say doll? *slams it into her again*

Y/n: Jesus fuck. I’ve missed you so much. No one can fuck me like you can.

Jeff: I remember you liked it when daddy fucked your ass doll. Remember?

Y/n: *trembling* Please fuck my ass and then my pussy*

Jeff: *slowly pushes cock into her* FUCK. Shit I almost feel like cumming rn.

Y/n: Fuuuuck me- too. SHIT oh MY UGH. I haven’t done anal in so long.

Jeff: *goes faster* oh fuckk… Your ass feels so amazing.

Y/n: *being a moaning mess* Cum inside my ass Jeff!

Jeff: Don’t worry doll. I’ll cum in both. *goes faster* Fucking SHIT. Sss-o ttight *cums inside y/n*

Y/n: *screams into pillow* SHIT SHIT SHIT IM CUMMING.

Jeff: *Quickly pulls out of ass and fucks her pussy* I’m still rock hard for you baby

Y/n: *Has 3rd orgasm right after the 2nd* Jefff!

Jeff: *cums inside her* Jesus.

*both are sweaty messes wrapped in the blanket*

Y/n: *cuddles with Jeff* Well that was-

Jeff: Kinky-er than usual. I didn’t think I liked to be called daddy.

Y/n: *laughing* Oh god don’t remind me.

Jeff: I’m gonna take a shower, wanna join?

Y/n: What, so you can make me cum for a 4th time tonight?

Jeff: No you little nasty. We’re sweaty and gross. We gotta wash off our sins.

Y/n: *gets out of bed and tries to stand up*

Jeff: I told you you won’t be able to walk.

Y/n: Oh shut up and help me.

The next morning

Y/n & Jeff: *wakes up at y/n’s phone ringing*

Y/n: It’s my doctor. *picks up the phone and puts it on speaker*

Doctor: Good morning y/n, how are you feeling?

Y/n: I’m feeling great.

Doctor: Well that’s good. Is there time for you and Jeff to come by my office today?

Y/n: *confused* Umm no. We’re out of town and won’t be home for another 2-3 days. Is there something wrong? You can just tell it to us over the phone.

Doctor: Well… Okay. The only thing that came up in both of your test results was that you and Jeff are carriers of a mutation of the GJB2 gene. Normally, that gene has a protein that plays an important role in the development of the cochlea, which is in our ears.

Jeff: Can you please get to the point.

Doctor: So because you both are carriers of the mutation of the gene, there’s a chance that one or both of your girls will be born partially or completely deaf.

Y/n: Wh-what?

Jeff: Is there no way in knowing if they are beforehand?

Doctor: The only way in knowing is doing a hearing test on both girls when they’re born. If one or both are born deaf, there’s options like the cochlear implant. I’ve seen this used on babies as young as 5-6 months old but that’s in the UK. Here in the states, babies would have to be at least a year old. Just remember that I’m saying there’s a CHANCE. I’m not saying that they will be born deaf.

Y/n: Ooo-kay. Th-thanks for calling. *Hangs up the phone* D-deaf? Our girls are gonna be born deaf?

Jeff: *holds y/n* Hey hey hey, she said there’s a chance. Since there’s a chance, we gotta be prepared. We gotta do our research and see what the best options are. We might also have to learn sign language and also teach them. Y/n I know you’re terrified and I am too but we have to look at the bright side.

Y/n: And that is?

Jeff: That we’re gonna have 2 beautiful baby girls.

Y/n: *smiles weakly* Should we tell the rest of them?

Jeff: Let’s wait a bit until we tell them.

Y/n: Okay.

Ummm… Yeah so that happened… Don’t say I didn’t warn y’all in the last chapter. Jeff is really stepping up after only a few days. What do y��all think of my little plot twist at the end? Also, Jeff still hasn’t told his parents! How do you think they’ll react. 

Comment if you want to be on the taglist!

Taglist: @elvlogsquad​ @siemprestan​ @zavidzobrik​ @galxydefender​ @iminlovewithenchilidadas​ @ilsolee​ @ranprivate @one-sweet-gubler @thoughtfullymysticalpoetry @sunwardsss @shamalamashams @michellemxndes

Hey, can i request a harry x reader, where the reader is tom personal assistant, meaning she was with tom in America, while the twins were in London celebrating their birthday. And her and harry have been together for a long time so she's really sad she cant make it and so is tom. And it doesn't help that leading up to the interview the bday was the only thing talked about in the family gc. So they both just decide to still fly to the UK and surprise them all. Thank youu😊

Surprise!

Pairing: Harry Holland x Reader

Warnings: nothing. Just flufffff.

Words: 2,610

Summary: You’re Tom’s PA, but also Harry’s girlfriend. What happens when Tom’s interview is rescheduled to the day of the twins’ birthday, and you’re thousands of miles away from London?

A/N: Again, sorry this took so long! And this also might be the fluffiest fic I’ve ever written. I hope you like it!

——————————————————————

“Tom! Your interview with GQ got rescheduled to Friday!”

It’s a Monday afternoon, and Tom surprisingly had nothing to do today. Being his P.A meant knowing his schedule, and also managing your own life. Part of that is clearing his schedule for Friday so you could go back to London in time for the 21st birthday of your 5-year boyfriend, Harry. Tom’s brother, of course.

Hearing frantic footsteps running down the stairs is not what Tom expected to hear today. He thought this is a chill day for the both of you.

Tom stands up from the couch, eyes wide and panicking. Quickly swallowing the tea he has in his mouth, he speaks.

“What?! I thought Friday was all clear???”

“Yeah I thought so as well! But I just got an email from GQ that it’s going to be moved!”

Tom has his hand running through his hair and he’s pacing around the room.

“Can’t you cancel it?”

You look at him with sad eyes. “You know it’s not that easy”

Tom just ends up sitting down in defeat. You and Tom had been looking forward to going home and attending the twins’ party. You have plane tickets and everything, and all you’ve talked about in the Holland group chat is the party.

Since it’s already their 21st birthday, they have a big party planned.

“Fine. I’m just going to tell them we can’t go.”

Tom doesn’t want to, obviously, but it’s not like he has a choice.

You don’t answer. You only go back to your room upstairs. Although it does seem hopeless, you’re determined to make this work.

You sit on your bed, right as you get a call from Harry.

“So, you’re really not going to attend?”

Your heart sinks a little. You don’t like hearing his voice so sad. You promised you’d go home in time for the party, and all of you were looking forward to it.

You sigh. “I’ll make it work. I’ll find a way around it and we’ll make it there in time. I just have to—”

“Y/N, it’s ok. Don’t stress yourself out too much. After the interview, you can go back here and we’ll do another celebration. We’ll invite a few friends and it’ll be fine.”

His voice sounds enthusiastic now, because he just accepted that it comes with your job. He offered it to you in the first place when Harrison had to quit due to his own career.

“I know you’re pouting right now, Y/N. Stop pouting. If you try to reschedule Tom’s interview, you’ll only stress yourself out more.”

“Ok, fine. Promise we’ll celebrate after?”

“Promise. I have to go, we have some party planning to do. Love youuu”

“Love you too, babe.”

With another sigh, you hang up. Yes, you told him you wouldn’t reschedule, but you’re already determined to make it work.

And so far, Tom’s interview is canceled because the studio they were originally going to shoot in is closed because of technical problems. At least, that’s what they told you.

The party on the other hand, starts at 7:00 pm on Friday, February 14th. Your flight is scheduled on 5:00 pm on Thursday.

Now, you have to figure out a compromise for GQ. You could have the interview moved to Wednesday, because it gives them time to figure out the technical problems they have and you can make the party on time.

You pull up your laptop and you start writing them an email. For hours that night you’re just sending emails back and forth with GQ.

Technically, you could just tell them you aren’t going to attend. The interview being cancelled isn’t Tom’s fault. The only reason any of you don’t want to cancel the interview is because it was already announced to the fans and all of them are excited.

But at the end of the day, after a lot of convincing and reasoning, they rescheduled the interview to two weeks from now.

You stand up, quietly jumping and celebrating since now, you’re actually going to make it to Harry’s birthday. You’re too excited that you can’t even sleep.

You keep weighing your options though. You can tell them, or you can surprise them. As you pace around your room, trying to be as quiet as possible so you don’t bother Tom, you ultimately decide to not tell anyone.

Not even Tom.

In the morning, you tell him that you had already cancelled the flight, which, obviously you haven’t. You just need to make sure he doesn’t actually cancel it for real himself.

Ever since Monday, Tom has been a little gloomy. You feel bad, but at the same time, you wanted to keep the surprise. So as much as you could, you tried to cheer him up until Thursday.

You know he’s tired, so you cleared his schedule for the week, except for the GQ interview. At least, that’s what Tom thinks. Clearing the rest of his schedule is something you didn’t think was possible, but you still did it. His mood lifted a bit, but it didn’t help that the Holland GC is filled with details about the party.

You were looking forward to it, but not as much as Tom. He gets homesick and he just wants to go home. For once he just wants to let loose.

But, tomorrow is already Thursday. So, you just have to wait a few more hours and you could finally tell him in the morning. Later in the night, you face time the Hollands to wish the twins an advanced happy birthday.

God, you really did miss them so much.

Once the call ends both you and Tom go to your designated bedrooms, you set your alarm and you go to bed.

Usually, waking up at 6 in the morning when you have nothing to do isn’t the best start to your day. No though, you practically jump out of bed and run to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast.

Tom would be waking up in about an hour or so, and once he does, he immediately smells eggs and bacon. Which is rare, because you usually just order something for breakfast because both of you aren’t really the best at cooking.

“Uhm, are you cooking? I thought you didn’t know how to cook?”

You shrug. “I’ve been taking lessons from Sam.”

You present him two plates. Both have bacon, eggs, and garnished with toast and parsley. It looks good, and Tom’s surprised. He’d never seen you cook something that looks this appetizing.

When he takes a bite, he absolutely loves it. For once, you didn’t burn the bacon…or the eggs…or the toast.

“What’s got you in a good mood today?”

“Well, maybe because of these.”

You get the plane tickets from your pocket and you show it to him.

“I didn’t cancel the flight. I told them to reschedule, and they did. The interview is two weeks from now and I cleared your schedule for next week, so we can spend the next week in London.”

His whole face beams, his eyes wide and fills with happy tears as he engulfs you in a hug and spins you twice than puts you down.

“You, Y/N L/N are the best PA ever. Don’t tell Harrison that though.”

“Hmm, I’ll think about it.” you teased. You laugh for a bit, both of you happy that you’ll be able to get home in time for the party.

“I’ll go pack my bags then.”

“Tom, I already packed it for you earlier when you were sleeping. Just take a shower and all that then we’ll go to the airport.”

“You…really are the best you know.”

“I try.” you shrug.

“Don’t tell anyone though. I was thinking of surprising them.”

With a nod of his head, he goes to his room and prepares himself for the long flight you have ahead.

You on the other hand, is already prepared. So, all you have to do is wait.

Hours later, during the flight, Tom’s asleep beside you. You’re always the type to get bored on plane rides, so you preferred the window seat. Unfortunately, even after continuously trying to convince Tom to switch seats with you, he didn’t budge.

So, you ended up doing nothing on the plane. You couldn’t find any good movies to watch, and you’re way too excited to fall asleep anytime soon.

You look at your phone, and with an exasperated sigh, you tilt your head back to stare at the ceiling for a few minutes.

You still have 7 more hours to go.

“Tom. Tom, wake up. We’re here.”

“Hmph. 5 more minutes”

You roll your eyes. You slowly grab the pillow from under his head and yank it out from under him. Since he’s leaning towards the wall, he hits his head.

“Ow!”

“I said, we’re here. You already stole the window seat, the least you can do is get up.”

“Fine, fine.”

As he got up, he grabbed his bags from the overhead compartment then grabbed yours and handed them to you. Once you had your bags, you immediately ran out. Since everyone already got out before you, the plane is relatively spacious and you have more than enough space to run out.

“Y/N! Wait for me!

“You already took too long, you div! I want to see my boyfriend!” You shout from across the plane and Tom chuckles at your childishness.

“You don’t think I do too?”

“You’re telling me Tommy has a boyfriend?” You tease, but you laugh at the face Tom makes. He tilts his head back and groans.

“You know what I mean!”

“Hmm, do I?”

He rolls his eyes and chases after you when he sees that you start running.

When the cab arrives in front of the Holland household, you excitedly get out, but you immediately stop.

“Wait, Tom, should we surprise them at the actual party?”

“We can, but where do we stay?”

“We can stay at my place.”

“Aren’t your parents home?”

“I meant my house.”

“You have a house?!”

“Well technically, I share it with someone else.” you wink and run to the direction of your house, while Tom is busy thinking about what you had implied.

“You and who’s house?” You continue to run though, and he starts to shout.

“Y/N— you and who’s house!?”

He only groans when you don’t even look back and runs after you. He catches up quick since you’re carrying bags. So is he, but he’s more active than you.

Once you got to your house, only a few blocks away from the Hollands, you get the keys in your back pack and open it.

Tom’s eyes go wide when he sees pictures of you and Harry together. Some of Harry’s things that Tom could recognize is also there.

The house looks clean. It’s very organized and it’s very artsy. When he explored more of the house, he even saw a studio and a room with gym equipment. Your voice from the kitchen snaps him out of his shock.

“Harry told me earlier that he’ll be staying at your place today. He said he already left food and water for Holly, so he won’t be back here until tomorrow.”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait. Who’s Holly?” and as if on cue, you hear the pitter patter of paws going down the stairs. A little mocha colored pug greeting you.

“What?! You’re telling me, you and Harry have a house a few blocks away from ours, and you have a dog?!”

“Yup!”

“How did we not know??”

“Well, about one or two years ago, we wanted our own private place, and the previous owners of this house just moved out. We got a little lonely sometimes, so we got a dog. Oh, and whenever Harry randomly disappeared or whenever he says some dumb excuse to leave the house, this is usually where he goes. We didn’t usually stay here though, this is kind of just our…safe space, you know?”

Yes, Tom does get it, and seeing you there, sitting on the couch playing with the pug you and Harry have, he knows that Harry’s in good hands. That he’s happy. Tom has always been protective over his brothers, and that included being skeptical of you at times. Even though he knows you’re a good person.

It just kind of hit him now that, you’re it for Harry. Even if you and Harry have been together for years.

“You can stay in the guest bedroom for now, since it’s 3 am and the party isn’t until hours later.”

“Uh yeah, sure. Where is it?”

“Upstairs, first room to your right. Bathroom’s the last door in the hallway to your left.”

“Oh, ok. Thanks.”

“Uh, Tom? I’m sorry if this is all so sudden. Harry and I really just wanted our own place and—”

“It’s fine. I’m not mad. Shocked, yes, but I’m happy if the both of you are happy.”

“Thanks.” you say with a very grateful smile. You know how much Tom loves his brothers, so him saying those words means a lot to you. You’ve always been like his little sister, but this just feels like you’re officially a part of their family. To some degree, at least. You still need to tell Dom and Nikki.

Just before he disappeared from your line of vision, you yell.

“Oh, and Sam knows!”

“WHAT?!”

When Tom wakes up, he sees that you’re buzzing with excitement. You look really excited to be home, and so is he. Of course, he waits a few more hours since the party’s at 7. He takes a nap, and once he wakes up, you’re already dressed.

“Tom, come on! Get readyyyy!”

You’re running around the house, trying to find your boots and getting your gift for Harry.

When Tom came out of his room, prepared and well dressed, he sees the box your holding.

“Took you long enough, ya div.”

As you both walked along the sidewalk, he points to the box.

“So, what’s in the box?”

“Remember the Nikon camera he’s always wanted?”

“No. No way.”

“Yes. Yes way. I’ve been saving up for it.” You say with a proud smile on your face.

“That’s like, 2,000 dollars!”

“yeah, I know.”

“I don’t think I’ve told you before, but you’re good for him. Thank you.”

He says this as you arrive at the front door of the Holland household, and just before you open the door, you hug him.

“Thanks Tom, I appreciate it. Really.”

You pull away gently, and he beams at you.

“Don’t let it get to your head, L/N.”

“Hmm, I’ll try. You ready?”

“Go ahead.”

You open the door. The party hasn’t started yet, and no one has arrived yet.

When Sam hears the door open, his head turns towards you. The moment he realizes what’s happening, he slaps Harry’s shoulder excitedly and points towards you.

You look at both of them with a large smile and set the gift down on the shelf near the door.

“Happy birthday boys!”

Harry runs to you immediately. Passed Tom and hugs you. You jump up so your legs are around his waist as he spins you.

“God— I missed you, darling!”

He puts you down and kisses you. It’s the giggly kind and you both smile into the kiss and he pulls back to look at you.

“Best birthday ever.” He kisses your head and pulls you to his chest, your arms wrapped around him.

“Hey! What about me?” Tom says as he fakes a pout.

“Stop ruining the moment, dickhead.” You and Harry say in unison.

——————————————————————

Permanent Tag List:

@spideylovin @used-avocado @why-am-i-so-obsessed-help @annoylinglyaries @autobotgirl15-blog @shootingstarsaretearsofheaven @tiffy119 @eridanuswave @cherrysruin @spideygirl2003

The Last One

This one takes place during the Toronto show and supposedly is Connor’s last show (LISTEENNNNN my boy is coming to asia as well and i’m highkey mad bcs i’ll be back in uk for my studies by the time he comes to my country :( ) hope you enjoyed this one x

Word count: 3.2k -ish

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The day you were dreading for weeks was finally here.

 The morning of the big show in Toronto, and also the last concert of the North America tour, you quietly worked your way around the kitchen to get something to have for breakfast.

 Honestly when your best friend since childhood, Shawn, approached you last year asking if you wanted to join him and Brian on tour as his personal assistant, you didn’t think much was going to happen. Sure, you were blessed to be given the opportunity to travel around the world with your two best friends but you didn’t think you would get too attached to anyone on tour.

 Until you met Connor, of course.

 You met Connor late last year at a house party Shawn threw for his new tour family, in hoping to familiarize everyone with each other. So, yeah you met Connor briefly but you two didn’t talk much and you noticed he was the quite-shy type of person. That night after the party, you followed him on Instagram after seeing all the people Brian had tagged in his photos and he reciprocated it.

 You never saw Connor again until a few days before the tour started. He shyly approached you and introduced himself (like the gentleman he is) properly to you, and that was when you two started getting to know each other.

 It wasn’t even 3 weeks into the tour that everyone realized you two were very attached at hips. When there was Connor, there was you (for most of the time) and vice versa. You two did most of your work in pairs; he accompanied you on coffee runs and help you organize the tour schedules; you stayed up with him till the late morning while he edited footages and gave him your inputs on his montage ideas.

 And of course, it’s no surprise that the first one who catches on the little heart eyes you and Connor sneakily send to each other when the other one wasn’t looking, was Brian, who immediately told Shawn about it. The both of them could not stop teasing you and Connor separately about it until it completely annoyed you. Alessia and Liv caught on it not too long after the boys and the four of them basically made it their life mission to get you two together before the European leg of the tour ended. You didn’t know at what point their mischievous plans worked, but true enough you and Connor became a couple just like they knew you would

 The past few months have been absolutely crazy but you wouldn’t want to have it any other way. The late-night shenanigans with your friends, sneaking off with Connor for private date nights, crazy parties (4th of July and Shawn’s birthday to name a few) and the adrenaline rush from constantly waking up in different cities.

 As day passes by, you were getting more fearful for that one specific day where everything would end. The day where everything changes for the entire tour family because it was the last day where Connor, Alessia and Liv would still be around.

 “Morning baby” Connor snapped you out of your thoughts. You smiled softly to yourself as you lean back in his touch and let him press soft kisses to your neck “Whatcha thinking about, pretty lady?”

 “The past few months” You admitted; putting your hands over his and intertwining your fingers together “Thinking about how hectic it was”

 He chuckled lowly and you felt him nod against your neck “Yeah, it’s been the craziest times of my life”

 “Crazy in a good way?”

 “Crazy in the best way” Connor confirmed and slowly spun you around so you were facing him. He smiled softly and rest his hand on your cheek “Because I met you”

 You sighed and leaned forward so your cheek was pressed against his bare chest as you listen to the beating of his heart “I don’t know how I’m going to go on with the tour without you” You muttered softly, trying your best not to cry.

 “Hey,” He called and wrapped his arms around your body “We can worry about that when the time comes, baby. Tonight, we’re going to have the best night of our lives, you hear me? One last one for the road”

 Connor felt you nod against him and he pressed a kiss to your head “We’re going to be fine, babe”

 “There’s my favourite couple!” Another voice spoke up and totally ruining the moment you and Connor were having. Connor groaned at Brian’s voice as you let out a laugh and pushed yourself from Connor’s chest “Morning to you too, Bri”

 “What’re we having for breakfast?” Brian asked nonchalantly as he walked past you and Connor to drop his dirty mug in the sink.

 “Cereal” You answered, moving away from Connor and grabbed two extra bowls from the cabinet “There’s hot coffee waiting for you in the pot”

 “This is why we’re best friends, y/n” Brian sighs happily and went over to the coffee pot “Brashier, you’re lucky to have her ya know?”

 Your cheeks flushed when you noticed that adoring look Connor was sending your way “Yeah,” He agreed without hesitation “The luckiest”

xxx

“Your usual” You announced to Shawn as you handed him his coffee cup.

 Shawn looked at you gratefully as he sets his phone aside “Thanks, honey” He smiled, looking over your shoulder; expecting to find Connor not too far behind “Did you go alone?”

 “Yeah,” You shrugged and plopped down on the couch beside him “It was just a couple of blocks away”

“Connor didn’t go with you?” Shawn frowned after taking a sip of his drink “You two always go on coffee runs, no?”

 “Ah, that’s what you’re wondering” You chuckled, slipping your phone out of your pocket “But no, Andrew needed to talk to him about something. It’s fine, you know? Soon enough I’m going to be doing it on my own anyways”

 Shawn sensed that tone in your voice and he just knew you weren’t completely okay. He leaned forward and placed the cup on the table before turning his body to the side so he was facing you “Are you okay?”

 “Hm?” You looked up from your phone. When you saw the serious look he had on his face, your eyebrows furrowed “Yeah, I am. Why’re you asking?”

 “y/n” He warned “I know when you’re lying to me”

 You knew whatever poker face you had one was not working because Shawn could read you like a book; has been that way for as long as you could remember. You took a deep breath and exhale through your mouth, “It just hit me this morning that it’s the last day and it’s been bugging me”

 Shawn nodded understandingly, “Did you two talk about it?”

 You shook your head no “He said we’d worry about that when the time comes”

 Shawn knew you were going to continue so he kept quiet. “I don’t know how I’m going to do the tour without him” You told him shakily “We’ve been doing everything together, you know? How am I supposed to let go of that and fall back into a routine where it’s just me?”

 “Honey, you’re not alone” He confirmed, sliding an arm around your shoulder and let you rest against him. You started sniffling and he could tell you were silently crying “Hey,” Shawn called softly as he rubbed your arm “I know it sucks but Brian and I are still around, okay? You come to us anytime. I could go with you for coffee runs, Brian could help you out with the schedules, we’ll make it work”

 “And we’ll fly him out” Shawn promise, “Whenever you feel like you can’t handle it, we’ll get him to come out; doesn’t matter where we are. Everything’s going to be fine”

 “I can’t ask him to do that for me” You shook your head “He’s going back to UCLA, Shawn. I can’t be the selfish one to ruin his future just because I’m feeling clingy”

 “You are his future” He corrected, firmly “I’m telling you, y/n, Connor is so madly in love with you; that kid would walk to Antarctica if you asked him to”

 You let out a giggle as you wiped away your tears. Shawn pulled away from you so you two were facing each other “I bet you all think we’re one of those super cringey couples who can’t be away from each other for more than 5 seconds”

  “We definitely say that all the time,” Shawn shrugged “But we know how much you two complete each other. You two are good for each other” He added with a smile “Think about how shy he was to even hold your hand in the beginning, now he goes around yelling how everyone should be jealous he gets to kiss the most amazing girl in the world”

 You groaned, burying your face in your hands to hide the redness of your cheeks “He really didn’t have to embarrass me like that”

 “Come on, y/n, you know you love hearing it” He teased.

 “Shawn!” Tiffany pops her head into the green room “I need you next door to try on an outfit!” She ordered then smiled to you “Hi honey!”

 You smiled, waving to her “Hi Tiff”

 “Duty calls” Shawn said enthusiastically as he stood up and grabbed his cup “You’re going to be okay?” He asked you with concern.

 You nodded, standing up as well so you could give him a hug “Thank you,” You muttered against his shirt “Thank you for being my best friend, Shawn. I love you”

 He smiled softly and pressed a kiss to your head “We’re stuck for life, bug” He teased, knowing you hated the nickname he gave you when you two were seven “Love you too, dork”

 xxx

 It was a tour ritual to have everyone from Shawn and Alessia’s team form a big circle before Alessia’s set and they both would give words of encouragements. Tonight’s one was a little more emotionally then you thought it would be. With Connor’s arm wrapped around your waist and your hand gripping onto Liv’s hand, you were trying to keep that fake smile on your face.

 “… It’s been the best few months” Shawn smiled warmly to all the people present “I couldn’t ask for a better team and to have Alessia with us for the European and NA tour has been truly amazing”

 “It really has been great” Alessia agreed with a smile and tears in her eyes “Thank you for keeping everything so fun and exciting every day. For all the laughter and smiles. It has been a blessing to be with everyone one of you”

 “Hell yes!” Brian exclaimed “Ten years from now, we’re going to think back about this tour and we’re going to get all emotional about it, because we knew we had a pretty sick time as one family!”

 Everyone laughs, most of them with teary eyes having to be separated from the people they’ve called family.

 “On three,” Shawn put his hand in and everyone follow suit. They huddled for once last time and cheered loudly together.

  “You are not going to make me cry right now” Alessia shook her head when Shawn requested that they (him, her, Brian, Connor, Liv and you) moved to the corner of the hall for a group talk “No way in hell, Mendes”

 Shawn laughs in return and slipped his arms around her and you while the six of you gathered in a circle “It’s been a fucking crazy ride, hasn’t it?”

 “That’s thanks to you, man” Connor spoke up from your other side. When you looked over at him, you noticed the tears in his eyes as he continued to speak “I’m so grateful that you took me along with you on this tour. It’s been so great having to work with you and being around all of you 24/7. I’m really going to miss it”

 “Shut up!” Brian cried, trying not to tear up “Shut up! Stop trying to make me cry!”

 The rest of you let out a laugh and Liv teased him “Craigen’s gone soft, huh?”

 “The rest of the tour is going to be great” Alessia stated with confidence “You’re going to kill it, Shawn. And knowing that Brian and y/n are still going to be around with you tells me that it’s not going to be boring for either of you”

 “Nothing’s going to be the same without you three” You shook your head with a sad smile on your face, “Exploring the cities aren’t going to be as fun as it was when it was the six of us. Everything is going to be so different”

 “We’re one video call away,” Liv promised “Wherever you are, whatever time it is, we’re there”

 “And you’ll be back before you know it” Connor confirmed as his grip around your waist tightened “Then we’ll meet up and go back to being complete idiots doing stupid shits together just like we were on tour” He grinned.

 Shawn chuckled, “That’s the plan, man” He nodded.

 “I love you guys, for real” Brian stated. “Group hug?”

 “Group hug!” Alessia exclaims as the six of you squeezed yourself in for a big tight hug for one last time.

 “Do you guys want a picture together?” Josiah spoke up from behind after you all pulled away. He was smiling, proud that he caught the moment of the group hug he knew was very special for the six of you.

 The six of you posed for him a few times as he took many photos and then Alessia was off to perform her set.

 You, Connor, Brian and Liv were standing by the tech booth near the front barricade for Alessia’s set. For every show, you tried your best to come out in the crowd with the other three during her performances, and now that you were watching her for the last time; you just knew you were going to miss seeing her go crazy on stage.

 “Tonight’s a bit special and also emotional for all of us,” Alessia spoke into the mic after the song ended “Tonight is my last show as the opening act for the Shawn Mendes tour. I wouldn’t have been able to perform in so many different cities so to Shawn and the crew, thank you so much for letting me be a part of this amazing experience. And to the fans, thank you for all your support. I love you all from the bottom of my heart”

 “As you know, I just released an EP today…”

 “And one of the songs talks about my entire experience of being a part of this tour,” She continued to explain while grabbing her guitar from the side. The crowd cheered loudly for her “About the people I’ve been blessed to meet and work with for the past few months”

 “So, this one is dedicated to my tour family” She concluded as the drum starts playing while the big screen behind her starts a countdown from 3 to 1.

 It started with that old video of the six of you from Germany that Connor filmed; exploring the city late at night after a couple of drinks in the bar. The video continues to more random moments throughout the tour that were filmed by different people.

 Tears were forming in your eyes as all the memories came rushing in while looking at the short clips projected on the big screens. The ones of you, Alessia and Liv lip syncing to a song you couldn’t remember; Shawn and Brian pulling the whipped cream prank on Connor; dance sessions; playing tag around the arenas together; silly rehearsal sessions with the bands; water gun fights by the lake.

 You turned around from her, feeling all these emotions rushing into your body. When you met Connor’s gaze, you saw the tears in his eyes as well. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his chest. The crowd was singing along with her as you let the tears roll down your cheeks, burying your head in the crook of his neck.

 “Baby,” He muttered in your ear “I love you”

 He pushed you away just enough to look at your face. Connor wiped your tears away and you smiled at him softly, mouthing “I love you too” before tip-toeing and pressing your lips against his.

 The arena was so loud but at that moment, it felt like it was just you and Connor in the room. And to you, that was the only thing that mattered.

 xxx

 “’M tired” Connor muttered as he slips into bed behind you around 1am. He wraps his arms around your body and pulled you closer “Can we sleep through the morning tomorrow?”

 You laughed softly and turn your body to face him. The room was dark except for the table lamp illuminating low light from Connor’s side of the bed. You nodded, “Whatever you want, bub”

 Connor sleepily smiled at you and laced your fingers together “Shawn told me what happened” He admitted a minute later.

 You huffed in annoyance that your best friend ratted you out when you thought he would’ve kept quiet about it “Of course he did”

 “You know I’d go anywhere with you, right?” He asked “I’d walk to you if you asked me to”

 You snorted, thinking back to the exact thing Shawn said earlier in the day “Yeah, Shawn said the same thing”

 “I would love to continue the tour” Connor stated as he brought his hand up to your head and ran his fingers through your hair “I want nothing more to be with you, babe”

 “But UCLA” You answered for him when you noticed the pause in his sentence. He smiled sadly and nodded “I get it, bub, I do” You told him.

 “I promised my parents” He said softly “I promised them I’d put university on hold for 6 months max and it took me a lot of convincing to make them agree”

 “I’m not asking you to go against your parents, Con” You shook your head “But I can’t deny that tour is going to be hard without you”

 “I know, sweetheart” Connor said with sympathy “But it’s just 3 months, okay? I promise it’s gonna be quick and then we’ll see each other in December”

 You nodded “Yeah, I guess. And hey, what’d you think if I enrolled there next year?”

 “UCLA?” He asked surprisingly “Really? Wasn’t University of Toronto the plan?”

 You shrugged, “It was the plan because I wasn’t open to any other options but now… Maybe I can start looking around outside of Canada too. Shawn’s taking a break from performing next year so he doesn’t need his personal assistant”

 “You coming to UCLA would be the dream come true for me, love” Connor sighed happily “But what about your parents?”

 “My parents would say yes if I told them I wanted to study in the UK” You said in a teasing voice “So, I think they’d be fine with me studying in LA, babe”

 “Come to LA after Christmas and I’ll show you around the campus” He said before letting out a yawn “Make sure it’s really what you want, you know?”

 “Mhmm, sounds like a plan” You agreed “Now let’s sleep, pretty boy. Shawn has that party tomorrow night and that idiot is going to get all of us so wasted till we can’t walk”

 Connor chuckles lowly, before leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to your lips “I love you, babe”

 “Love you too, bubs”

You Make My Dreams Come True (One Magnificent Year)

Summary: The year Joe and Reader got married turned out to be a very big one for their family.

A/N: It’s finally here! The “bonus chapter” is finally done, and it only took three and a half months 😆 (life got in the way for a while there, it wasn’t supposed to take quite this long). I am so so pleased to finally be sharing it with you (I hope it lives up to all the anticipation). Now that you can see how long this is you’ll understand why I thought including these events would have dragged out the main story too much 🤣. For reference, this starts soon after the climax of part 6 (Reader and Joe getting engaged) and goes on from there.

Some disclaimers: I should have mentioned in Part 6 that I’ve never been to the USA so all parts in New York are based on what I’ve picked up from watching many many movies and TV shows set there. Sorry if anything’s horribly inaccurate, I tried to be at least somewhat realistic. This story features an overseas wedding being planned in only three months, which seemed feasible to me, but I’ve never planned a wedding so I might have been a bit optimistic there. I’ve never been pregnant or had children so all of that stuff is based on research. I think it’s mostly realistic, but some of it might not be completely accurate for twins/preemies, so sorry in advance. Also I think I might have outed myself as an old school music fan with some of the songs mentioned in here.

Because this is the story of a single year, it’s broken into months with little timeskips between sections. The months are all different lengths, so hopefully it’s not too choppy. I feel like it rambles a bit towards the end, but I think overall it works.

As always, please forgive any typos I may have missed.

Italics indicate reader’s inner thoughts.

Warnings: pregnancy, vomiting, children, babies, non-graphic birth, premature birth, some angst, allusions to sex, mild illness

Word count: 20.6k (grab a cup of tea and settle in, it’s a long one)

*******************************************************************************************

New Year's Eve in New York City. Just like last year, and yet at the same time, so very different. This year, Joe’s traditional New Year’s Eve party was going to be a celebration of so much more. Lucy and Rami insisted on coming to celebrate your engagement as much as the new year. Joe had of course sent an announcement to the ‘band’ group chat almost the moment you got home, and you’d spent the next three days in a whirlwind of calls, texts and video chats. Joe wanted to post something on Instagram almost immediately, but you persuaded him to hold off until you could tell his extended family in person at Christmas. He was annoyed until he saw their reactions to your announcement. Needless to say, it went down very well.

And then he finally made his Instagram post on Boxing Day, which lifted his mood enormously. He chose a sweet selfie he’d taken of the two of you hugging Tallulah, whose face was hidden, with the hand bearing your ring held close to the camera. He captioned it ‘Well we had a great Christmas celebrating this… Two weeks ago she said yes. Still can’t believe I get these two for the rest of my life now.’ The reaction was practically immediate and overwhelmingly positive. Even Brian left a comment: ‘Congratulations to a lovely couple! Wishing you endless happiness. Bri.’ You couldn’t help smiling at all the positivity. “They’re all so happy for us, Joe” you commented. He was confused. “Well, yeah, it’s happy news, right?” “It is,” you agreed, “but I thought people might be put off by the whole stepkid thing.” “Most people actually think it’s really sweet” Joe assured you.

All in all, you were a very happy family when New Year’s Eve rolled around. Joe’s various friends were keen to celebrate with you, Tallulah was eagerly counting down the last few days before Roger’s arrival, and you felt a general sense that all was right with the world. Ben’s unexpected arrival at the party was a nice treat too. Even Tallulah was pleased to see one of her favourite people in the world. Sitting with Joe after your midnight kiss, you felt incredibly content. “This year’s going to be a good one, isn’t it?” You mused. “Definitely” Joe agreed, kissing you gently. “It’s going to be great.”

January

You weren’t expecting to get into wedding planning after being engaged for less than three weeks, but Joe was keen to set a date as soon as possible. “I’m an actor, I need to know when I’m not going to be available” he explained one night, when you questioned his urgency to make plans. There was just one decision you needed to make before making any firm plans: would you have the wedding in New York or back home in the UK? You fretted for nearly a week after Joe first raised the question, not wanting to inconvenience any of your potential guests. "Babe, wherever we have the wedding someone's going to have to travel to get to it" Joe reminded you, after you told him about your severe indecision on the matter. "We might as well just pick the location we want, and leave it to the guests to decide if it’s too far for them." You considered this for a moment. "I suppose you're right" you agreed finally. "I usually am" Joe quipped. "Seriously though, where do you actually want to do it?" "I think… I'd rather get married in Britain" you replied, hesitantly. Joe smiled. "Britain it is then."

He paused. "Actually I was kinda hoping you'd say that, I'd love for Roger and Brian to be there." "Why?" you asked, surprised. "Well, we wouldn't be here without them. Especially Roger" Joe explained. "Don't you think it'd be a little strange for Roger to be there?" you questioned. "He is sort of my ex, you know." "He's also the one who introduced us" Joe pointed out. "Still a bit weird, but I suppose you're right" you conceded. Why is my life so bloody weird? It'd be nice for Roger to be there, spend some time with Loolah, see my family… oh God. You must have groaned out loud, because Joe suddenly looked concerned. "You ok babe?" he asked. "Yeah, I just realised that if Roger comes to our wedding he'll have to meet my parents" you explained. "Is… is that a problem?" Joe was confused. "Well, considering my father is under the impression he got me pregnant and then basically abandoned me to raise the child alone for five years, let's just say Roger's not exactly my dad's favourite person" you clarified. "I'm sure they'll be fine" Joe reassured you, "Roger's, like, ridiculously charming and friendly when he wants to be." "I know" you replied gently. "So, you still want to get married in England?" Joe asked jokingly. You smiled. "Yes." "Well then," he replied, smiling contentedly, "looks like we've got a location, so let's set a date."

Setting a date, however, proved to be easier said than done. You quickly realised that getting married in England would be an excellent excuse for a holiday, so you decided to make it a two-week trip, with the wedding in the middle followed by a week's honeymoon, during which Tallulah could spend some time with her dad. This meant you needed to find a convenient time of year for you and Joe to have a holiday, that would also be ok for Roger. And then you'd need a venue that was available at the right time.

Finding a venue in England, while more or less stuck in New York was something of a challenge. Google was of course immensely helpful, but it soon became clear you would need someone on the ground there too. You were wondering who to ask when you realised most of your bridal party still lived in the UK. Destiny was your maid of honour, and she was more than happy to help. "Anything you need, lovie, just give me a call" she assured you. You soon found yourself asking her to look at a venue for you, an old stately home in a country village barely an hour outside London.

The house looked beautiful on the website, and best of all, you, Joe, Tallulah and some of your guests would be able to stay there ahead of the ceremony. Destiny went to look at it as soon as she could find the time, and her report was very positive. “It’s gorgeous” she gushed to you down the phone. “You’d love it. The grounds are lovely too, I think Loolah’d have fun exploring them.” When Joe saw the photos Destiny sent you he agreed it looked practically perfect for your wedding. All that was left was to find a date the venue would be available.

You had a stroke of luck on the date front a few days after you and Joe put yourselves on the waiting list for a booking. A sudden cancellation had left the stately home with a week free in April, just after Easter. The timing couldn’t be better. “Work’ll be quiet, it’ll be a good time for me to have off” you explained to Joe. “And it’d overlap with Loolah’s school holidays too.” Joe was thoughtful for a moment. “I think I’m pretty free in April, actually” he said eventually. “So you wanna take the booking?” “Yeah, let’s do it” he enthused. A couple of days and several emails later the venue. “We’re getting married in April” you marvelled to Joe, after receiving the final confirmation. “Yeah” he replied contentedly. “Three months to plan a whole wedding. Are we nuts?” You really hoped not.

February

February brought cold season to your little family. First Tallulah came home with a sore throat and a fever which kept her away from school for three days, during which time Joe was luckily free to stay home with her. Then you caught her cold, though you managed to escape the worst of it, developing nothing worse than a sniffle. Finally, a week later you woke to find Joe pale and feverish beside you. He didn't wake until you were getting dressed for work. "Darling, are you alright?" you asked him, concerned. "No," he groaned. "My head hurts, my throat is killing me and I've got chills, I think." "Sounds like you've caught our cold then" you commented. "Can you stay home with me babe? Please?" Joe begged. You smiled sadly. "You know I can't, dear. Besides, you have a cold, you're not dying. You’re a grownup, you can survive eight hours on your own." "But baaabe!" he protested. "You sound like Loolah, you know” you grumbled, smiling fondly at Joe despite your exasperation. "But I'll come home as early as I can." "Thanks babe" he mumbled, peering blearily up at you from his spot under the covers. You returned to your morning routine, and Joe was asleep again within minutes.

Joe stayed home for a week. He never got any worse than Tallulah had, but sometimes it seemed that way because he was such a drama queen when he was sick. After two nights of listening to him sniff and cough miserably next to you, you banished yourself to the couch in the hope of finally getting some sleep. It barely worked, and you made sure to tell Joe the next day. "That couch is terrible! If only we had an extra bedroom…" "What, don't you like my apartment?" he grumped. "No, I do, Joe," you reassured him, "it's just… it feels so small sometimes. Like we're all on top of each other all the time, you know?" Joe looked thoughtful. "I actually saw a really nice house for sale the other day. Not too big, little bit of yard at the back… don't know if we can afford it though" he told you. "Well, it can't hurt to take a look" you grinned. Joe smiled back. "Let's go then."

The house turned out to be a nice little townhouse, with four bedrooms, but surprisingly right in your price range. Best of all, it was still on the market, but not for long. One very tense week later it was yours. There was just one small catch. "So, we close on the house in a month" Joe told you, following a phonecall from the real estate agent. "Which means we can't move in until April." "We're getting married in April though, we're going to be super busy and then away for a fortnight" you pointed out. "Yeah, the timing's not the best, is it?" Joe laughed. "I suppose we could move the week before we go…" you suggested. "Yeah, we- oh no, wait, we can't, I'm going to Vegas for my bachelor party that week" Joe told you. "And that means we can't move because…?" you asked. "I'm not leaving you to deal with moving by yourself" Joe replied stoutly. You looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. "As much as I want to go all 'independent woman' on you, I actually think you're right. I'll have enough to do that week as it is." "So we'll move after the wedding?" Joe suggested. "Yeah. As soon as we can." Gee, we’re doing a lot this year.

March

Most of your free time in March was taken up with planning of one sort or another. When you weren’t sorting out last minute wedding details, you were busy attempting to organise the move into your new house. On top of finding a removal company you were planning to have some of your stored furniture shipped from England to fill the extra space. But you weren’t convinced it would be enough. “Why did we buy a four-bedroom house?” you questioned Joe, after yet another attempt to work out what you would still need once your things arrived. “We only needed two, and now we’ve got so many rooms and not enough furniture…” “Well I thought we might want to fill those extra bedrooms soon…” Joe said suggestively. “What do you mean, Joe?” you asked, confused. “I mean,” Joe sighed, exasperated at your obliviousness, “I hoped we could try to grow our family?” You thought you knew what he was getting at now, but you wanted to check. “D’you mean… try to have a baby?” “Yes” Joe replied, smiling. His face fell slightly at the sight of your expression. “Do you not want to? Cause we don’t have to, I just thought…hoped-” “Of course I want to have a baby with you Joe,” you reassured him, “just… can we maybe wait til after the wedding? We’ve got enough going on right now as it is.” Joe nodded in agreement. “You know, the honeymoon is after the wedding…” he pointed out suggestively. “It is.” “So, extra fun honeymoon then?” Joe suggested. “Sounds like a plan” you agreed. At that Joe kissed you much more lustily than you were expecting. Should be a very enjoyable honeymoon if he’s going to be like that.  

As the weeks rolled by your focus increasingly shifted to the various parts of the wedding you and Joe still needed to plan. Of course, one of the most important components, at least to you and Joe, turned out to be the first dance. The first challenge was agreeing on the music. You both thought a Queen song seemed appropriate, but which one? "Love Of My Life?" Joe suggested. You looked at him incredulously. "What, it's a classic!" he insisted. "You do realise it's not actually a love song, right?" you asked. He was confused. "What?" "'Love of my life, don't leave me'?" you quoted. "It's a break-up song, Joe. I'm not doing the first dance to a break-up song!" Joe threw his hands up in surrender. "Ok, fine. Do you have any ideas?" You thought about it for a moment. "Um… Queen love songs. They didn't actually write all that many, did they?" Joe looked thoughtful. "Not straightforward happy ones, no" he agreed.

Suddenly his face was alight with inspiration. "We could do it to '39!" he suggested. "I know we both like that song." You were hesitant. "Um, I do like that song, but…" "But what?" He asked indignantly. "That song… it's kind of about me and Roger. Partly at least." you told him. "I just think it would be weird to have that for our first dance." Joe was very confused. "I thought Brian wrote '39?" "He did" you confirmed. "Roger told him about… us… once when they were both drunk, and Brian thinks that might have inspired the chorus. And the whole 'year of 39' bit." Your fiance looked at you blankly. "Roger and I were living 39 years apart at that point" you explained. "Oh." Joe sighed. "I guess that song would be kind of weird then" he conceded. “Actually, maybe a Queen song for the first dance was a bad idea” he pondered.  “Yeah” you agreed. “Maybe we should just stick with one of the classics.” “The classics?” Joe questioned. “Yeah, you know, Frank Sinatra or At Last or something.” “Or ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’?” Joe suggested. “Slow dance and fast bits, we could have some fun with it.” “That’s perfect!” You agreed. So much for Queen for the first dance.

April

The arrival of April Fool’s Day signalled your wedding day was almost upon you. Everything important was booked or ordered, which meant you were now faced with sorting out all the little things you’d put off organising initially, knowing they could be dealt with at the last minute. Number one on the list was sorting out who would be looking after Tallulah when she wasn’t fulfilling her flower girl duties. “Isn’t Roger looking after her after the ceremony’s over?” Joe asked, when you tried to explain your dilemma. “He’s going to be at the reception, Joe” you pointed out. “Along with basically my whole family. And I can’t ask Destiny because she’s maid of honour, and Carla’s her date, so she’ll be there too.” Suddenly Joe understood. “Well I guess she could just come to the reception. Roger could keep an eye on her there. And your parents.” “I suppose…” you sighed. “Actually, Lucy and the other bridesmaids could probably look after her during the day, until Roger can take over at the reception. But then we’re going away at the end, and what if she wants to leave early?” “So what if she does? Roger can take her to his room, right?” Joe reassured you. “You’re right,” you agreed, “he’s her dad, he can deal with it.”

Your other major concern was the potential for the combination of your very ordinary family and several famous people to end very badly. “They were fine meeting me, they’ll be fine at the wedding too” Joe tried to reassure you. “You’re just one person though,” you pointed out, “they’re going to have several people to embarrass themselves in front of this time.” Joe was still unconcerned. “I’m sure they won’t be that bad, babe” “You don’t know my Auntie Marie… ah shit” you trailed off, hit with a sudden realisation. “What about her?” “She’s a mad Eastenders fan, has been for years. Got my cousins into it too, and Steph… Peter Beale was always her favourite” you explained. “I think she might still have a bit of a celebrity crush on Ben.” Joe nearly laughed. “You know he won’t be that bothered” he reassured you. “Even if she spends the whole day practically hanging off him?” “Not if she’s cute” Joe quipped. He rapidly backpedalled at the sight of your expression. “She won’t be able to stick to him all day, he’ll be busy being best man for some of it.” “Thank god for that” you quipped. In the end Joe managed to reassure you Ben was perfectly capable of handling himself around overexcited fans. Even so, you still resolved to ask your mum to remind a few of your relatives to behave themselves before the wedding.

You felt as though you’d hardly blinked before Tallulah’s Easter holidays had arrived, and the three of you were on a plane to London. The plan was to spend a few days there catching up with friends and sorting out the final last-minute details before heading to the wedding venue on Thursday. You had a big dinner party for all your wedding guests planned for Friday night, ahead of the main event on Saturday. On Sunday you were off to Italy with Joe to unwind for a few days before you had to go home. Tallulah was going to spend that time with Roger, and she was very excited.

You tried to get some sleep on the plane, but it was difficult to relax with so many last-minute worries buzzing through your mind. You kept dozing off only to wake up in a panic about something. “The bridesmaids! What if their dresses look bad with mine?” “Babe, it’ll be fine. Lucy picked them, and she’s an expert” Joe soothed drowsily. Lucy had become one of your closest friends since you’d started seeing Joe. She’d adopted you more or less instantly, along with the rest of the Bo Rhap crew, and been your guide in the strange new world in which you’d found yourself as an actor’s girlfriend. But she was also an extremely supportive friend while you wrestled with the realities of a long-distance relationship. She empathised deeply with your struggles, being in a very similar situation with Rami, and had all sorts of advice on how to deal with them. She continued to sympathise as you adjusted to life in a new city, having had similar experiences when moving around for different projects. 

Including Lucy in your bridal party was therefore a no-brainer in your view. Her experience with fashion had proved very useful when you’d enlisted her to help you select bridesmaids’ dresses. The only small issue was that you had never seen the dresses in person, as your entire bridal party lived in the UK. As well as Lucy, and of course Destiny, there was your sister Eliza and Annabelle, an old uni friend who was one of the few people who’d actually stuck around after Tallulah was born. Quite a lot of your friends had made all the right noises while you were pregnant, only to disappear when confronted with the reality of your new situation. In any case, you were now very much looking forward to seeing all your bridesmaids again.

Despite your restlessness the flight passed quickly enough, and before you knew it you were settling into your temporary holiday flat in central London. Your parents insisted on coming to meet you as soon as possible, having not seen you in months, so most of the afternoon was spent lounging around the flat and catching up with them. Your sister had been keeping your mum in the loop about the wedding preparations, so she was full of useful last-minute advice and reassurance. “I’ve seen your sister’s dress, I’m sure all the bridesmaids will look wonderful” she told you, after you’d voiced to her your concerns about the dresses you hadn’t seen in person. “They’ll work beautifully with your dress too, I’m sure.” You weren’t entirely soothed, but you didn’t have the energy to argue by then.

Your worries were proved unfounded at the final fitting the next day. Lucy’s taste was clearly excellent, and everyone looked absolutely beautiful in their light aquamarine gowns. You spent a very enjoyable day getting fitted and hanging out with your bridesmaids, who got on well despite barely knowing each other. Well, they do all get on with me, they must have something in common. Tallulah had fun too, sitting in the fancy bridal shop with some of her favourite adults, and then getting to wear a very pretty dress. “You look so pretty, lovie!” Lucy gushed, when she finally got to see Tallulah in her flowergirl outfit. “Of course she looks pretty Luce,” you smiled, “you chose the dress.” All in all it was a productive day, and you felt much calmer about your imminent wedding at the end of it. 

The days passed in a whirlwind of lunches, coffee dates, and frantic final preparations. You even squeezed in a surprise hen night with your bridal party. But then, quick as a flash, Thursday had arrived and you found yourself on the road to the stately home where the wedding was being held. Joe had insisted on driving, but he wasn’t coping very well with having to drive on the opposite side of the road. “God, this feels so wrong even though I know it’s not.” “Just concentrate” you urged him. “And I’m driving next time, it’ll be a lot less stressful.” Fortunately you made it to the wedding venue without incident, despite a couple of near-misses.

Thursday night was spent having dinner with the entire bridal party, who had never been together before. They would all be staying in the actual stately home with you and Joe for the duration. Joe had picked Ben as his best man, after much agonising. Rami and Gwilym were of course groomsmen too, alongside Joe’s brother. To your immense relief everyone got on well without much effort, and the evening passed surprisingly quickly. You went to bed with the feeling that the countdown was now on, and you were very excited. 

Most of Friday was spent preparing the venue for the events of the next day, setting up a location in the grpunds for the ceremony and arranging flowers and decorations. The evening, though, was set aside for a relaxed pre-wedding party, to give the guests an opportunity to meet each other and see you and Joe before you were swept up in the wedding tomorrow. The guests themselves arrived in dribs and drabs as the day went on. The bridal party were already there, of course, and their various partners had all arrived by lunchtime. Your parents appeared in the early afternoon, and Joe’s mum followed soon after. The day was full of enjoyable reunions, and the night promised even more. 

The party started in the early evening with light finger food and cocktails. There was no formal sit-down meal, because people were coming from all over and would be arriving at various times throughout the night. You and Joe tried to remain in a central position so you could easily greet people as they arrived. Later in the night there were a couple of quick speeches from Joe and Ben, welcoming everyone to your wedding. After the speeches you and Joe took the opportunity to mingle with some of the late arrivals. Among them was Brian, who swept over to introduce you to Anita, who was just as warm and lovely as he was. "I told her the truth about you. And Tallulah. Hope you don't mind" he told you in an undertone. You smiled reassuringly. "Of course not.” Not long after he trotted off to catch up with the rest of the Bo Rhap contingent, currently hanging out in a quiet corner, your parents came up to you, bringing Tallulah with them. "She was asking for you" your mother explained. At almost the same moment Roger came over with Sarina to say hello. Oh lord, here we go.

"Hello, love! Good to see you back on home soil" Roger greeted you, cheerful as ever. "Hi Roger. Sarina, lovely to see you again." Your mother leaned over while Joe greeted them both. "Wait, how do you know him?" she asked. Before you could reply Roger was looking at you curiously. "Roger, these are my parents" you explained, in response to his unspoken question. "Roger Taylor. How do you do?" He smiled cheerfully as he reached over to shake their hands. Something about his expression seemed to catch your mother’s interest, and you could almost hear the wheels turning in her head. "Hold on, are you-?" "Daddy!" Tallulah cried, rushing over to embrace him. "Hello darling" Roger murmured, bobbing down to hug her back. "'Daddy?'" your father repeated incredulously. "Yes," you confirmed, "this is Tallulah's dad. And his wife Sarina" "Wife?" your father echoed. "Yes" Roger replied, straightening up. "You never said he was married" your father muttered darkly. You tensed up at your father’s tone. “He never told me.” "He was- you were married then?" your father spluttered at Roger, clearly angry. He didn't even need to explain what 'then' meant. "Dear, please, don't make a scene" your mother urged quietly. Roger, surprisingly, was unfazed. I suppose it's easy to ignore accusations when you know they're not actually true. "Yes, I was. And yes, I did some things I'm not proud of back then, but becoming Tallulah's father sure as hell isn't one of them" he declared stoutly. Your father seemed to accept this, but was still unwilling to back down. "Still can't believe you had the nerve to show your face here" he said unpleasantly. Joe had been hanging back, unwilling to get involved, but at this he felt he had to intervene. "If you must know," he explained tensely, "I insisted we invite Roger. Your daughter and I wouldn't be here without him, and besides, he's a friend." Your parents gawped at him but said nothing. "I know it's an unusual situation" Joe pressed on, "but we've all managed to get along despite the circumstances, so the least you can do is respect that. And respect Roger too, he's a good man." Your father was evidently flabbergasted at Joe's outburst, to the point that he was apparently unable to form a response. Your mother seized the opportunity to steer him away from you towards some nearby relatives, having apparently decided the conversation had gone far enough. 

"Was that too much?" Joe whispered when they were safely out of earshot. "No," you reassured him, "he just needs some time to cool off. He'll be okay." You were suddenly acutely aware of Roger looking at you with concern, while chatting with Tallulah. "You alright?" you asked casually. He grinned. "Yeah. 'S not the first time I've had to deal with an angry dad. Been a few years though…" There was a thoughtful pause. "What exactly is his problem, by the way?" Roger asked lightly. "He thought I ruined my life when I got pregnant by someone who didn't stick around" you explained. Roger looked downcast. "Oh. I see" he muttered. "You know, it kills me a bit that you had to raise her alone for so long" he said suddenly, quietly enough that no-one would overhear. "I wasn't alone, Rog" you reassured him. He still looked downcast. “I know, but still…” “It wasn’t your fault you weren’t there, I don’t blame you for it, so stop beating yourself up about it” you told him. “I made my choice expecting I’d never see you again, I knew what I was signing up for.” Roger stared at you curiously. “Well, I thought I did, anyway” you clarified. Roger grinned at that, but it disappeared quickly. “D’you ever wish-” he started to ask, but you cut him off. “Things had been different? Of course. I’m pretty happy with how they’ve turned out, though. Thanks to you.” Roger was confused. “Thanks to me?” “Technically, you introduced me to Joe” you pointed out. He grinned broadly at that.

Suddenly you realised Joe had disappeared. Before you could do anything, though, Ben appeared at your shoulder. "Y/N" he said quietly, making you jump. “Ben! What’s up?” The blond looked uncharacteristically serious. “It’s Joe,” he told you, “he’s… he needs you, I think.” “Well where is he?” You asked, suddenly concerned. “Come with me” Ben murmured, leading you away from the party. He took you down a corridor to a quiet storeroom, away from the noise and movement. “What’s he doing in here?” You asked, whispering urgently. “He’s… upset, I guess” Ben replied. “But he’ll be able to explain it better. Just go in, please.” A worrying thought struck you. “We’re the guests of honour, won’t people notice we’ve both gone?” Ben shrugged. “Even if they do they’ll just think you’re shagging or something.” “Ben!” you chided him, scandalised. “Relax, I’ll cover for you if anyone does notice” he reassured you. “Thanks” you muttered, turning away to face the storeroom properly.

You cautiously pushed the door open. “Joe? Are you alright?” Your soon-to-be husband looked up, startled. His eyes were red-rimmed and full of tears. “How did you-?” “Ben told me” you explained, cutting off his question. “But darling, what’s wrong?” You asked him tenderly, sitting down next to him. “After I saw you with your dad, before, it just… it suddenly hit me, really hard.” “What hit you?” You prompted, wrapping your arms around him. “My dad’s not here. I’m getting married and he won’t be there. He should be here, meeting your parents, defending you to your own father like I did, but he’s not” Joe explained sadly. “And I feel like I should be super happy right now, and I am, but I’m really sad too.” “Oh, darling, you’re allowed to feel however you want” you comforted him. You held him quietly for a moment. “Why didn’t you tell me you were upset?” You asked quietly. “It came on really suddenly, like out of nowhere… and you looked so happy back there, I didn’t want to bring you down” Joe admitted. “Joe, darling, I don’t mind. We’re nearly married, that means it’s my job to help you when you feel like this” you reassured him. “Thanks wifey” he said, looking slightly happier. You kissed him lightly on the cheek. “Any time, babe.” You paused, sitting in silence for a while. “Are you ok now, or do you still need a minute?” You eventually asked, sensing your husband-to-be was starting to feel better. Joe looked thoughtful for a moment. “I’ll need a little bit longer, I think.” You sat together in silence for a moment. Suddenly Joe turned his head and kissed you. “I love you so much” he murmured as you broke apart. “Love you too” you replied automatically. “You can go now, if you want” Joe announced. “I’ll be out soon.” But as you reached the door he stopped you. “Actually, can you get Ben to come in here?” He asked calmly. “Ben?” You questioned, surprised. “Just…please?” Joe’s expression spoke such volumes you suddenly didn’t need to know any more. “Of course, dear.” You paused just before you left the room. “I’m sending Ben into a private space with you, should I be worried?” you quipped. Joe laughed at that, and you finally relaxed, knowing for sure he would be ok now. 

The rest of the party rolled on without incident, and you went to bed that night with an odd mixture of contentment and nerves bubbling in your head. The next morning you woke relaxed and refreshed, and most unusually, alone. Joe was rather fond of certain wedding traditions, and had insisted on sharing Ben’s room for the night. You thought it was probably for the best, you’d have to get ready separately anyway. Lucy had suggested Tallulah have a sleepover with her and Rami as well, so you could have a break and she could look after your daughter in the morning while you had a bit of a lie in. 

As you got out of bed and started on your morning routine you were hit with a sudden wave of pre-wedding jitters. What if it rained? What if something went wrong? Were you doing this too soon? You’d only been living together for nine months, after all. Your stressful thoughts were interrupted by a knock on your door. “Y/N? You up?” It was Destiny, fulfilling her first job of the day. “Yeah, come in” you called. She took one look at you and rushed over, enveloping you in her arms. “What’s up love?” “I just… I don’t know” you gulped. “I’m having all these doubts all of a sudden. What if this is too soon?” Destiny smiled reassuringly. “You’ve been together for years, this is hardly a whirlwind romance.” “I know, but-” She turned to look you straight in the face. “You love him, don’t you?” You were bewildered at the question. “Of course I do, but-” “And Joe loves you, right?” Destiny pressed on. “Well, yeah, I think s-” You were interrupted by Lucy entering your room, Tallulah in tow. She immediately sent Tallulah off to the bathroom so she could talk to you alone. “What’s going on?” Lucy asked. “Pre-wedding jitters” Destiny explained. “Anyway, you love Joe and he loves you, doesn’t he?” You were oddly uncertain. “I think s-” “He does” Lucy chimed in. “He adores you, Y/N, everyone can see it.” “You see?” Destiny went on. “You love each other, you want to be with each other, and at the end of the day that’s what really matters here.” You sighed. “I know Dess, I just… this’s all happened so quickly, how do I know we’re not moving too fast?” Lucy stepped forward, and Destiny wordlessly let you go so the younger woman could take over. Lucy put her hands on your shoulders and looked into your eyes. “Y/N,” she began firmly, “Joe loves you, he really does. Everyone can see how you make each other happy.” “I know that, but-” “So what if you’ve moved quickly?” She cut you off. “When you know, you know. Joe knows, even if you don’t.” You were confused. “How do you know that?” “Rami” Lucy said simply. “He’s never seen Joe look at anyone the way he looks at you, and you know as well as I do how long they’ve known each other.” You were taken aback. How could you have doubted what you and Joe had? “I suppose when I think about it this does feel right, even if it is a bit quick” you declared. Lucy smiled. “Of course it is lovie. Now come on, let’s get you married.”

In the end, the ceremony went off without a hitch. You looked beautiful, Joe only got slightly teary when he saw you at the end of the aisle, and all the guests agreed it was lovely. Even the previous night’s tension with your father was forgotten as soon as he saw you in your full regalia for the first time. The expression on Joe’s face when he first caught sight of you was so adoring, and so happy, all your doubts vanished instantly when you saw it. By the end of the ceremony you were fairly sure you were both wearing identical joyful smiles. You really were glad to be marrying him. 

The reception went well too. The first dance, which you and Joe had positively slaved over, was performed flawlessly, and earned rapturous applause from your guests. The speeches were all excellent as well. Ben's was probably the most polished, but then, he was an actor. You wanted to thank him during the dancing afterwards, but he seemed to have vanished. Joe was strangely unconcerned by this. "He's probably just gone for a smoke, wifey.” He seemed to have been gone a long time, but before you could consider this further you were distracted by Rami and Lucy coming to congratulate you, accompanied by Tallulah. Somehow, in the midst of all the hugs Joe disappeared off somewhere. You couldn't work out where until Lucy led you to a chair near the front table, closest to the little stage area where the sound system was, and urged you to sit there with Tallulah. You were surprised to see there were microphones and amps and even a drum set up, even though you hadn't booked a band.

Your confusion lasted only until Joe and Ben stepped up to two of the mikes. "What are they doing?" you muttered to Lucy. "Just watch" she told you, grinning. Suddenly you noticed a familiar lanky figure wandering over to the third mike. Joe, in the middle, cleared his throat. "Uh, hi everyone, if I could have your attention for a minute? Relax, I'm not doing another speech. So you might know we three have a bit of a side interest in music, even though we don’t get to play together very much. So I just wanted to take the opportunity tonight to do something special for the two very special ladies in my life. To the extremely talented musicians in the audience, please bear with us. Everyone else, enjoy." With that, he picked up a bass, Ben picked up a tambourine, and Gwilym, down the other end, sat on a bar stool at his mike, acoustic guitar in hand. Ben counted them in, and suddenly Gwilym started picking out the very familiar chords of '39, with Joe on bass and Ben on bass drum and tambourine. Then Joe began to sing directly to you and Tallulah, and you thought you might cry, though Tallulah immediately started to sing along. Gwilym and Ben harmonised nicely on backing vocals too. When the end of the song brought rapturous applause, your new husband and his friend beamed, while Gwilym just smiled modestly. When things died down, Joe spoke up again. "Ladies and gentlemen, Gwilym Lee!" he introduced. "And on drums, Ben Hardy!" After a brief round of applause he grinned cheekily. "You liked that?" he asked the crowd. "Lucky for you, we have one more. It's a bit of an oldie, but a goodie" he explained. Another count in from Ben led to the intro to "Hello Mary Lou." Joe looked distinctly nervous as he started to sing again, but you beamed at him as he sang straight to you. The song finished, your guests applauded, and with a wink and a "That's all folks!" the musicians left the stage, taking their instruments with them.

Moments later the three of them appeared in front of you. You promptly threw your arms around them all. "That was amazing! You're so talented, all of you." Ben blushed. "Oh, well, I'm no Roger…" he faltered. "We had excellent teachers” Gwilym added, looking slightly uncomfortable at the praise. "You what?" you asked, surprised. "Brian and Roger taught us Hello Mary Lou" Joe explained. “We already knew ’39 from the movie, just had to refresh our memories a bit.” "Well you all did wonderfully" you mused. "Anyway, 'Hello Mary Lou'?" "I know how much you like it, and it seemed… appropriate for us" Joe shrugged. "I suppose. You really love ’39 though, don't you?" you commented. "Well it always reminds me of us a bit, you know, lovers separated, longing to be together again, it's kind of the story of our relationship, y'know?" Joe explained. "It kind of is" you agreed.

Suddenly Brian and Roger descended on the trio of groomsmen to congratulate them on the performance. You took advantage of their celebration’s rapid turn into an in-depth conversation about drumming between Ben and Roger and embraced Brian. "Thank you for teaching them" you murmured. "That was wonderful." He smiled. "You're very welcome" he said warmly. "You know, it was a bit strange watching them all up there. Joe looks so much like Deaky when he plays, it’s almost alarming." “You should tell Joe that” you commented. “Oh, he knows” Brian replied airily. You were glad, but you thought Joe was extremely talented in his own right too. 

The laughter and dancing seemed to go on forever, but soon enough, the festivities were over and you and Joe were retreating to the bridal bedroom. Even though it was your wedding night both of you were too tired to do much more than undress each other and cuddle. “I love you, wifey” Joe murmured, as you dozed off wrapped in each other’s arms. “I love you, hubs” you murmured back. You weren’t sure you’d ever been happier in your life.

You spent the following week in something of a post-wedding haze. You spent several happy days honeymooning in Rome, enjoying spring sunshine and Italian food. You revelled in the feeling of being married, and in being responsible only for yourselves for a change. It was an odd sensation after so many years of single parenthood. But all too soon the honeymoon was over, and you had to go home to New York. Back to work, school and responsibilities. But also to your new future, which was looking brighter than ever.

May

You returned home still floating in a blissful honeymoon fog. Joe could only stay home for a week before he would be needed in LA again, but you made the most of it by moving house two days after you got back from England. Your wedding gifts had been shipped to the new house ahead of you, bringing with them a few pleasant surprises. In addition to the gifts left by your guests there were a number of cards sent by people who hadn't been able to attend the wedding. You and Joe made sure to read them all together, occasionally asking each other who the senders were. However, there was one card that mystified you both.

One afternoon you wandered into the kitchen to find Joe at the table bent over a stack of cards. "Babe, do you know a John and Veronica?" he asked as you passed him on your way to the pantry. "No, why?" you replied casually. "There's a card here from 'John and Veronica' and I don't know who they are so I figured they must be people you know…" "Maybe I do" you mused. “Show me.” Joe passed the card over, and you started to read. “Joe and Y/N”, it said, ‘Congratulations on your wedding. May your marriage bring you a lifetime of happiness.’ It was signed ‘John and Veronica,’ but you didn’t recognise the handwriting. “Weird,” you murmured, "'John and Veronica' sounds sort of familiar somehow…" Joe looked at you thoughtfully. "It sounds kinda familiar to me too" he said wonderingly. Suddenly he gasped. "John Deacon… John Deacon's wife's called Veronica… you don't think?" Joe babbled frantically. "Could be" you replied evenly. "But how would he have known we were getting married?" "Luke" Joe responded instantly. "Luke Deacon DM'ed me after I did the engagement post on Instagram, just to say congrats, y'know." "Nice bloke" you commented. "Very nice" Joe agreed. "He must've told his dad, I guess. But then how did he-" "Know where to send the card?" you completed. "Sent it to Roger and Brian, probably."

A quick phonecall to Roger confirmed your suspicions, and lead to some interesting revelations. "He knows the real story about you and Loolah now" Roger confessed. "He recognised you in the engagement photo. And her. At least, he knew immediately she was mine" he explained. "I suppose he would" you mused. "And he wanted… he wishes Joe well, he really does. He just wants to stay as far away from the business as possible, you know" Roger added. "I get that now, so much" you laughed. Joe, listening in, looked as though he might cry. He understood exactly what Roger meant, and it made him so very glad to hear it.

All too soon, Joe had to go back to work in LA, again. He was gone for three weeks, until mid-May. By the time he came home a hint of summer was starting to creep into the city air. Annoyingly, though, you were unable to make the most of Joe's eventual return. Lately, you had been so tired all you wanted to do was sleep, even on your days off. You'd been feeling like this for a week by the time Joe came home. The next morning you woke up feeling extremely nauseous. You tried to get up without waking Joe, but the movement made things so much worse you had to jump up and sprint for the toilet. Thank god we have an en-suite now. "Babe?" Joe groaned from the bed. "What's up?" You didn't want to open your mouth to respond. While you were curled over the bowl you heard footsteps. You were suddenly aware of Joe standing behind you. "Oh, honey" he murmured sympathetically, leaning down to rub your back in soothing circles. 

When you finally stopped heaving you looked up to see Joe studying you with a mixture of concern and curiosity. "Are you sick, babe? You seemed fine last night…" "I was" you told him crossly. "Or at least, I wasn't feeling like this. I have been really tired though" you explained, thoughtfully. "Maybe you've caught something from Loolah?" Joe suggested. She was always passing things on from school. "Maybe" you echoed, unsure. "She hasn't been sick lately though." You hauled yourself upright and went to brush your teeth. "I've probably just eaten something dodgy" you assured your husband. "If you say so" he replied, sounding unconvinced. "You don't believe me?" you asked him. Joe stood behind you at the sink while you brushed, looking uncertain. "I do, it's just… well… we were, ah, trying all honeymoon, maybe it worked?" he said, rather suggestively. "I doubt it" you told him, "It’s only the first month. Besides, I'm about to get m-" Wait, what's the date? You were abruptly silenced by a sudden realisation. "What?" he asked frantically. "My period. It's two weeks late. How did I not notice that?" He smiled. "So you think-?" You nodded. "I really could be. I think I'd better go to the pharmacy today..."

Joe had to go to work that day, but by some weird stroke of luck, you had a day off. You ran out to the pharmacy that very morning and bought two tests, rushing home to do them as soon as you could. The results were clear as day. Positive. Both of them. Oh my god, it actually worked. I’m really pregnant. I have to do something cute to tell Joe. You immediately started to develop a plan for your very special announcement. I’m so happy. God, he’s going to be so excited. He’s going to be the best dad too.

Joe arrived home that afternoon to the usual enthusiastic welcome from Tallulah. When you finally managed to persuade Tallulah to let him go, you sent her off to watch cartoons while you took Joe upstairs to freshen up. "So did you get to the drugstore today?" he asked quietly. "I did" you replied, trying to sound casual. "And?" he questioned, as you reached your shared bedroom.  “I, um, I also got you a present today” you told him, pointing at a white box sitting on your shared bed. “Ookay?” Joe looked at you, confused, as he sat down and opened the box. He pulled out the tiniest Yankees shirt you’d been able to find. “This is so cute!” Joe exclaimed. “But why'd y-? Wait." He stared at the shirt intently. Suddenly he looked at you, thunderstruck. "No. Way" he breathed. "Holy shit. The honeymoon worked?" he asked excitedly, breaking into a huge grin. You nodded, wordlessly showing him the tests you'd hidden in the bedside drawer. Joe’s face lit up, as he broke into happy tears. "Oh my god. You’re actually pregnant?” he asked wonderingly. "Yes, Joe, I’m really pregnant” you echoed, tearing up yourself despite your joyful smile. “We're going to have a baby, darling.” “Oh my god. Oh my god. I’m gonna be a dad!” he exclaimed, pulling you in for a bear hug and kissing you deeply through the tears.

“I’m so excited babe, I want to tell everyone” he gushed as he held you. You pulled back to look at him. “Joe, darling, I literally just peed on the sticks this morning, I haven’t even been to the doctor yet. We can’t tell anyone for now, ok?” Joe looked at your serious face and nodded, disappointed. “Ok” he agreed. You paused. “Actually, we’ll need to be careful when we go back down, even Loolah doesn’t know.” “Crap” Joe cursed. “I even have to keep this from your child who lives with us? I know I’m not the expert, but that seems like a bad idea even to me” he said. “It’s only for a few weeks” you reassured him. He sighed. “I know babe, it’s just, I’m so excited, I don’t know if I can keep it in for that long.” “Well you’ll just have to try” you replied quietly. You held each other wordlessly for a moment. “I love you, did I tell you that?” Joe murmured, finally breaking the silence. “Both of you” he added, smiling broadly. “We love you too” you replied dreamily. You didn’t think you’d ever been happier than you were at that moment.

June

By the time you managed to find a doctor and get an appointment a few weeks had passed, and you were already 9 weeks along. In the meantime you had at least managed to get your pregnancy officially confirmed by a blood test at a walk-in clinic. You were still holding off on telling people about it, but it was getting difficult to hide the fact that something was happening to you. You were constantly nauseous, and it was a battle to get through a whole day of work without a spontaneous nap. I swear it wasn’t this bad last time. I suppose I was a lot younger then. This time seems so different though. Joe had managed to keep his promise so far, even with Tallulah, but you weren’t convinced he could go much longer without exploding. In any case, he was very excited about your first appointment. He made sure he was free to go with you on your afternoon off, while Tallulah was at school.

Doctor Baker was a slightly older woman with a calm, pleasant manner and a sterling reputation. You sat quietly in front of her as she checked over your paperwork. “Ok, well, that all looks good. So, just to confirm, is this your first child?” She asked pleasantly. You and Joe looked at each other. “Uh…” he muttered.“It’s my second, but it’s his first” you explained, pointing to him. “Ok, and how old’s your first?” The doctor inquired. “She’s seven” you and Joe replied simultaneously. Doctor Baker smiled kindly. “Well, as it’s been a few years you might find things are a bit different this time around, but that’s totally normal” she told you. “Now, let’s have a look at what’s going on in there.”

You moved over to the bed in her office while she bustled around preparing the ultrasound machine. Joe sat next to you, nervously holding your hand while the doctor put the gel on your stomach and turned the machine on. “Ok, let’s see” the doctor murmured, moving the ultrasound wand around experimentally. “Ah! Here we go” she said suddenly, as the room was filled with the familiar sound of a tiny heart beating. But that doesn’t sound like I remember. “You hear that?” You nodded quietly. “That’s two heartbeats. Two strong heartbeats” the doctor informed you. What?! "There's… what?! Joe cried, his mouth opening in shock. “Two? There’s two of them?” You asked Doctor Baker, equally stunned. “Yes,” she smiled, “two healthy babies. Congratulations.” You and Joe turned to look at each other simultaneously. “Twins!” You both exclaimed. “Oh my god, twins!” Joe gushed, overjoyed. You were both tearing up at the news. “Here, have a look” Doctor Baker said quietly, moving the wand so you could see both babies. “Wow” Joe breathed. “Yeah” you agreed. You made sure to get printouts of a few images from the ultrasound. You wanted to remember this moment forever.

Joe was bursting with excitement when you left the doctor’s office. “Oh my god, babe, we’re having twins!” “I know Joe, I was there” you quipped, exasperated. “I know babe, it’s just, I can’t believe this is actually happening” he explained. “Oh, it’s really happening” you quipped, smiling. Getting home brought another challenge. “Look, I know we’re not telling people yet, but I swear to God if I don’t tell someone soon I’m going to explode” Joe told you later that day. You were still reluctant to tell anybody until you were further along, but you decided to compromise. “We could tell my parents later if you want” you suggested. Joe enthusiastically agreed, so later that afternoon you FaceTimed them while holding one of your ultrasound photos. Your mum gasped when she saw what it was, and you were pretty sure she squealed when you told her you were actually having twins. Your dad was pretty happy too, the semi-argument before your wedding now long forgotten. Joe was very pleased it wasn’t a complete secret any more, and to your immense relief he managed to keep calm once Tallulah got home. You were very excited too, but you knew it was best to wait just a bit longer before telling her. Just a few weeks, and then we can tell everybody.              

July

The arrival of July heralded the beginning of Tallulah's summer holidays. This also meant a visit from Roger, who was taking her to his house in LA for a few weeks, although he was going to enjoy a couple of days with her in New York first. The final day before their departure, which Roger spent showing Tallulah around some of the New York sights, very conveniently coincided with your next visit to Doctor Baker. It was a glorious summer’s day, and you took a minute to enjoy the weather with Joe after your appointment. Both babies had received a clean bill of health, so you were in a buoyant mood as you lounged on a park bench together, basking in the sunshine. “Please tell me we can tell Tallulah now,” Joe pleaded, “keeping this secret is absolutely killing me.” “We’ll tell her tonight” you reassured him. “Oh, wait, Roger’s coming for dinner” you realised, thinking out loud. “So?” Joe responded. “We’re gonna have to tell him at some point, might as well get it over with.” “True” you murmured. “So, we’ll tell them tonight?” he asked. “Yeah.” “And then we can tell the world” Joe added. “And then the world” you echoed, smiling contentedly. It was going to be a good summer.

That night, before dinner, you presented Tallulah with a t-shirt that said ‘World’s Best Big Sister’ on the front. Roger saw it and immediately glanced at you with a knowing smile, but said nothing. Tallulah stared at the shirt in confusion, until suddenly her face lit up when she realised what it meant. “I’m gonna be a big sister?!” She cried, beaming with excitement. You smiled at her obvious joy. “Yes, darling.” “So does that mean… there’s a baby in your tummy, Mummy?” She asked, a little uncertainly. “Actually, Loolah,” Joe cut in, sitting down beside her at the dining table, “there’s two babies in Mommy’s tummy.” “Twins?” Tallulah squealed happily. “Yeah, twins” Joe confirmed, pulling some ultrasound pictures out of his pocket. “Have a look, sweetie.”

Tallulah chattered excitedly all through dinner, clearly delighted at the prospect of two younger siblings. It sounded like she’d had a nice day out with Roger too. Finally dinner was finished, Joe was cleaning up and Roger was putting Tallulah to bed, giving you a rare moment to sink onto the couch and enjoy some peace and quiet. Joe soon returned from the kitchen to sit next to you, holding you close. "You feeling ok?" he asked softly. "Just tired" you reassured him. You cuddled quietly together, chatting lazily about nothing in particular, until Roger reappeared. "Loolah's finally asleep" he told you, settling himself into an armchair next to the couch. "She seems happy, she had lots of questions." "Which you'll have to answer for the next three weeks" you quipped, grinning evilly. "True" Roger commented thoughtfully. "Now, as I haven't said it yet, congratulations, both of you" he added, smiling warmly. "Thanks, man" Joe replied, looking pleased at Roger's obvious joy. "Twins!" Roger mused. "That's… really great, actually. I'm so pleased things have worked out for you two." You and Joe both smiled at that.

“So when are you due?” Roger asked pleasantly. “January” you replied. “Which I guess means I’ll be too pregnant to take Loolah home for Christmas like I was planning.” Joe looked surprised. “You’re already planning Christmas in July?” he asked incredulously. “Not really,” you explained, “I just remembered I’d said to Mum that we’d go back to them this year.” “Well maybe your parents’ll just have to come over here instead” Roger suggested. “Perhaps” you mused. “I could come for New Year’s, have a late Christmas with Loolah” he added, thinking out loud. “That could be fun” Joe commented. You suddenly realised your next New Year’s Eve would be very different to previous celebrations. I’m definitely looking forward to it though.

You and Joe waved Tallulah and Roger off the next morning in an extremely good mood. You were determined to make the most of Tallulah’s holiday in LA, given it was likely to be the last time you were kid-free for quite a while. First on the agenda was a long-awaited band reunion. Unusually, Ben and Gwilym were both going to be working in New York at the same time, so it had been decided that a band dinner simply had to be arranged. You and Joe had decided to make an announcement at this dinner, but your plans went slightly awry when Ben dropped in that afternoon. You didn’t want to tell him early, but he saw you dashing for the bathroom at one point and was immediately concerned. “Are you ok Y/N?” he asked you when you came back. “You look a little pale…” “I’m fine, Ben” you assured him. “What’s up?” Joe asked, wandering over to his friend. “I had to run for the loo again” you explained. “Aw, you’re still sick? I thought it was getting better” Joe sympathised. “You’re sick?” Ben asked. “Um, kind of…” you muttered sheepishly. “Kind of? Guys, what’s going on?” Ben demanded, clearly confused. Joe glanced at you, and you nodded slightly, giving him wordless permission. “It's fine, Ben, it’s just morning sickness” he explained. "Oh. Right" Ben replied automatically. Then he processed Joe's comment properly. “Wait, morning sickness? Does that mean you're-?" He looked expectantly at Joe, who nodded silently. Ben beamed in response "Oh my god, that’s so great! Congratulations!” he gushed, pulling you both into a warm bear hug.

Telling the rest of the band was easy. They knew something was up as soon as you turned down the wine they were sharing. You noticed Ben smirking slightly at their confusion as to why before Joe spoke up. “Yeah, Y/N can’t drink for the next six months… cause I knocked her up.” There were a few giggles, which were followed by a shocked silence as everyone realised Joe was serious. “Yeah, and he did a great job” you added. “I’m having twins.” This revelation triggered an explosion of happy noise around the table. “You sneaky buggers, you didn’t tell me it was twins!” Ben cried, grinning at you regardless. Lucy just squealed with happiness. Dinner was interrupted while everyone stood to embrace you and Joe and murmur their congratulations. Rami looked positively overjoyed for his old friend. "Twins. Wow" he muttered to you. "Yeah, we might need your expert advice some time" you commented. "Oh, of course. Anything you need, just let us know" he assured you.

Later on Gwilym wandered over, beaming at you. “Congratulations love, it’s wonderful news.” “Aw, thank you” you replied, smiling. “They’re not going to play baseball are they?” he asked, half-seriously. “I don’t think they’ll get much choice” you sighed, grinning. “But I’m definitely teaching them cricket too, they’re British after all. I suppose we’ll just have to let them choose when they get older.” Gwilym smiled. “How modern of you.” You grinned wolfishly. “They’re both going to be cricket fans though. No children of mine are allowed to leave me to suffer through a whole Test series alone.” Gwilym laughed at that, and you could feel his happiness for you and Joe. You really were amazed at just how happy everyone was for you.

August

August should have been blissful. Tallulah was back from LA and Joe had arranged his schedule so he'd be working in New York until she went back to school. Even then, he didn't have much on, just a bit of press for his new movie and a few meetings. You were planning to enjoy some time as a family of three, a relaxed interlude before school returned and your family grew. But you spent only a week back together before getting a sharp reminder of some of the less-welcome aspects of life as an actor's wife.

It was Sunday morning, which meant Tallulah was watching cartoons while you and Joe unwound in the kitchen with cups of tea. The peace was suddenly shattered by the jangle of Joe’s phone. Joe glanced at the screen and then at you. “Text from Lucy” he told you. “Apparently we’re on TMZ again.” You’d been attracting a bit of paparazzi attention since appearing at the premiere of Joe’s new movie a few weeks ago, and you were starting to wonder whether they suspected something. “What are they saying?” you asked casually. “I don’t know, I haven’t found it yet” Joe grumbled, scrolling rapidly on the ipad resting on the kitchen bench. “Here we go.” He turned the screen around so you could read it.

At the top was the headline ‘Bo Rhap baby on board?’ over a picture of you and Joe walking down the street, in which your bump was clearly visible under your sundress. “Bloody hell, I knew that dress wasn’t covering anything” you cursed. “Does it matter? Everybody knows anyway” Joe pointed out. “Instagram doesn’t.” “I forgot about that” Joe commented. “Maybe it’s time they did?” he suggested. You had been hoping to hold off on a public announcement a little bit longer, but now it seemed like you didn’t have much choice. “I think it is” you agreed. You spent a lot of that Sunday planning out the perfect announcement, and you found yourself surprisingly excited at the prospect of sharing your news with the world.

The next day you had a doctor’s appointment, and you made a point of getting printouts of your latest ultrasound. You all got a clean bill of health too. When you got home Joe took some very nice pictures of you holding the printouts against your now very obvious bump, as well as some of you just cradling the bump. In the end he picked one of the latter shots to post, along with a close-up of the ultrasound photos against your stomach. Underneath them he wrote: ‘Just when I thought this year couldn’t get any bigger, this happened. Our little trio will be a family of five in January. Yep, double trouble is coming for the Mazzello-Y/L/N household next year (swipe for visual evidence). I almost can’t believe how much I love our little aliens already.’ You couldn’t help smiling when you saw the post. “Good?” Joe asked. “Very” you confirmed. “You’re so cute sometimes, you’re such a softie.”

Joe’s post was instantly deluged with happy comments from all and sundry. Even Brian left a nice message: ‘So pleased for you both. These kids will have wonderful parents, and be loved by so many others too. All the best for January! Bri’. “He’s so lovely” Joe commented. “He is” you agreed. “He’s right though.” “What, that everyone’s going to love our kids?” Joe joked. You smiled. “No, silly, the other thing.” This statement seemed to surprise your husband. “You really think I’m going to be a good dad?” “Joe, you already are” you said softly. Joe was confused. “Huh?” “You’re absolutely Tallulah’s parent at this point” you explained. “Not biologically of course, but that’s not what makes a good parent anyway.” “You think I’m a good parent?” Joe questioned, blown away by your statement. “Of course darling, do you think I would have moved across the pond for you if I didn’t?” You were joking, but only partly. Joe smiled anyway.

Joe ended up needing to fly to LA in the last week of Tallulah’s summer holidays. He was extremely put out that all his careful planning had still lead to him being away over the summer, but you assured him you could survive the last few days before school on your own. Tallulah spent two of them on a sleepover, and you took the last Friday off so you could have a long weekend with her as an end-of-summer treat. You spent most of the day doing back-to-school shopping, even though you wanted nothing more than to lounge on the couch all day. You were able to do that on Saturday, while Joe was helping Tallulah pick out her first day of school outfit via FaceTime. Joe insisted on taking on that particular parent duty, even while he was on the other side of the country. “You wouldn’t understand the importance of this,” he told you. “You always wore a uniform.” You just shrugged; you didn’t have the energy to argue. You weren’t that bothered, truth be told. You were glad to see Joe making the effort to spend some one-on-one time with Tallulah while he still could, even if it was over FaceTime. Oddly, watching them made you miss Joe more, but you knew he’d be home soon enough.

September

Joe had to stay in LA until mid-September. He was quite disappointed about missing Tallulah’s first day back at school, though she didn’t seem to mind much. She was too busy reuniting with all her friends and getting to know her new class. You were glad she was happy to be back at school, and there were a few parents you were pleased to see again too. Many of them had already heard about your impending new arrivals, and those that hadn’t were made aware by your now very obvious bump. In any case they all seemed quite happy for you, which made for a very positive first day of school on all fronts.

You went to a doctor’s appointment by yourself while Joe was away. You didn’t mind particularly, but it felt a bit odd given he’d been so involved up to that point. Doctor Baker seemed surprised to see you alone. “No Joe?” she asked casually. “He’s away” you explained. “Working in LA.” The doctor nodded in understanding. “Of course.” There was a pause while you prepared yourself for the examination. “When you’re ready we’re going to do an ultrasound” Doctor Baker explained. “We should be able to find out the genders today, if you want.” I totally forgot I was getting to that point. Do I want to know though? You hesitated to respond. Wait, does Joe want to know? He should be here when we find out. If we find out. “I think I’d prefer not to know for now” you finally told her. “We can always find out later if we decide we want to know, right?” The doctor nodded. “Absolutely. You’ll have plenty more ultrasounds after this one.” Something to look forward to, then.

Joe was pleased when you told him you hadn’t found out yet. “I definitely want to be there when we find out what we’re having” he told you, when you were FaceTiming that night. “So you want to know, then?” “Yeah” he confirmed. “Don’t you?” You shrugged. “I’m not fussed. I never found out with Loolah, and-” “You weren’t desperate to know?” Joe was shocked. “I didn’t really care what I had, it made no difference to me” you explained. “Plus I didn’t want to freak Roger out, finding out before the birth wasn’t an option in his day.” Joe grinned. “Well it is now, and I don’t want to wait four more months to find out.” You smiled contentedly. “We’ll find out when you get back then.”

Finally the day of Joe’s temporary homecoming arrived. He would have to leave again in only a fortnight, but you were very glad to be getting him back in the meantime. Joe's eyes bugged out when he saw how much you'd grown since he'd been away. "Has it really only been three weeks?!" "Growth spurt" you shrugged. "Or maybe you just didn’t notice how big I was when you left. Anyway, welcome home." You smiled, leaning in for a quick, chaste kiss before Tallulah came barrelling down the hallway to greet Joe. You decided to leave them to it, and shuffled off back to the couch. You could hear Joe clumping around for a while, chatting with Tallulah and putting his things away. Suddenly it went quiet, and then you saw your husband flop down next to you. "Hi honey. I missed you" he told you, leaning over and giving you a deep, hungry kiss. "I missed you too" you murmured, as you broke apart. Joe put his hands on your bump, leaning down to kiss it. "And I missed- what was that?" he asked frantically, eyes wide with shock at what he'd just felt. "I think that was a kick" you told him, smiling. "Keep talking." "What?" Joe asked, confused. "They seem to like your voice" you explained. "Oh. Ok. Well, um, this job kinda sucks and I don't like the director at all. I mean-" Joe stopped abruptly, staring at you with a mixture of joy and shock. "They both kicked" he murmured, looking slightly teary. "Suddenly this all feels a lot more real." "Oh it's plenty real, darling" you told him, smiling broadly. “Yeah but… they’re really real. I have actual living kids in there” Joe marvelled. “I’m actually going to be a dad.” He was practically crying at that. “It’s going to be great Joe. You’re going to be great” you assured him.

Joe’s hands barely left your bump for days. He was determined not to miss anything while he was home, no matter how small. He was particularly excited about attending your next appointment now that you were going to find out the genders of your babies. Your twins weren’t identical, so both babies would need to be checked. You and Joe were both rather antsy as the ultrasound got underway. “Ok, we’re almost there” Doctor Baker told you, smiling at your obvious excitement. She peered at the screen for a minute. “So this one is Baby A, and it’s a boy.” You turned to Joe. “A boy!” he beamed, slightly glossy eyed. Your moment was broken by Doctor Baker clearing her throat. You turned your attention back to her. “I’ve found Baby B now, and it looks like…” You felt a flutter in your belly as you saw the baby turn away from you on the screen. “Well they’re not cooperating now,” the doctor went on, “but from what I saw before it looked like a boy too.” You and Joe were quiet as you digested the news. Two boys. Bloody hell. Your reverie was broken by Doctor Baker’s voice. “I feel I should warn you, with the ultrasound we can’t guarantee what we tell you is right, but I’m pretty confident about Baby A being a boy.” “You’re not confident about Baby B?” Joe asked her. “Not entirely, I didn’t get a very good look before they decided to hide.” “It’s fine” you assured her, wanting to get on with the appointment before Joe got worked up. Whatever happened, you’d deal with it when the time came.    

October

Joe spent quite a lot of October flying back and forth between work in LA and your home in New York. His shooting schedule turned out to involve a lot of three day breaks, just long enough for a quick visit home. You would have quite liked to spend most of them relaxing together, but Joe was determined to do as much baby preparation as possible while he was home, to save you the effort. He was thrilled to be having twin boys, and had dived into nursery set-up with gusto. He was determined to get the big things like the cribs sorted out nice and early, just in case. “You’re having twins, they’re likely to come early” he reminded you after you told him for the umpteenth time to relax. “They’re not due for months, Joe. Besides, the doctor said everything’s on track for January.” Your husband wouldn’t be persuaded. “Things can change very quickly. You never know when something might happen.” You stopped arguing the point when you realised he was never going to change his mind, and eventually Joe admitted he was doing it because he felt guilty about leaving you alone at home so much.

You weren’t actually alone very often though. There was Tallulah, of course, and plenty of your friends and family were dropping in regularly to check up on you (you suspected Joe might have told them how he worried about you). Joe’s mother was a frequent visitor, spurred by the desire to both help you and reassure her son. One afternoon you were sat with her drinking tea, not long after Joe had FaceTimed you. “So how was the daddy-to-be?” she asked. You smiled. “Same as usual. Annoyed he’s not here, missing us desperately.” Joe’s mother smiled affectionately. “Didn’t want to talk about work then.” “He never does” you told her. Suddenly Tallulah trotted up to the couch. “Did you say Daddy?” she asked eagerly. “We were talking about Joe, darling” you explained. Tallulah was confused. “But he’s not Daddy.” “He’s not” you agreed. “But he’s their daddy.” You patted your swollen belly, indicated Tallulah’s unborn siblings. “Oh.” Tallulah looked thoughtful; you wondered whether she understood. “Does that mean I have to call Joe Daddy when the babies come?” she finally asked. You smiled reassuringly. “Not if you don’t want to. But other people might” you explained. “Oh. Ok.” Tallulah looked unhappy at this development. “Could I make a suggestion?” Joe’s mum asked gently. “Loolah, do you remember how I told you Joe’s half-Italian?” Tallulah nodded. “Well the Italian word for daddy is ‘papa’. Maybe you could call him that instead?” “Papa…” Tallulah pronounced the word experimentally, testing how it sounded. Suddenly she smiled. “I like it!” She wasn’t the only one. Joe beamed when he heard her greet him with a happy “Hi Papa!” on FaceTime. We’re really a family now, aren’t we.

November

Joe had hoped his work schedule would continue to allow him frequent trips to see you, but it was not to be. He had one break before Thanksgiving, for a single day, which he spent alone in LA, desperately wishing he was home. As the weeks rolled on he was increasingly worried about how you were managing on your own. “I’m not on my own, Joe” you assured him down the phone. “Your mum visits twice a week, and Lucy texts me five times a day to check on me.” Lucy was coming to New York to spend Thanksgiving with Rami, and you were already making extensive plans to get together while she was in town. “I know she is, Rami told me” Joe grumbled. “I’m just worried that you’ll be alone with Tallulah and something’ll happen and I won’t be there to help.” His concern for you was evident in the tone of his voice. “Tallulah’s seven, babe, she’s perfectly capable of calling someone if we need help” you pointed out. “I suppose…” Joe sighed. “But what if they come early and I’m not there?” “You’re going to be back a month before they’re due, and even the doctor thinks they’re unlikely to come before Christmas.” Or so you thought.

Joe finally came home for Thanksgiving weekend, and the day after the holiday you had yet another appointment with Doctor Baker. Carrying twins meant you needed frequent checkups to make sure things continued to progress smoothly. This time you got some unexpected, and not entirely welcome, news. “So are you all ready for these guys to arrive?” the doctor asked pleasantly, while you were tidying yourself up after your examination. “Uh, kind of” you and Joe both stuttered. Doctor Baker looked slightly worried. “Well, I don’t want to alarm you, but I think you should be aware that realistically you could go into labour really any time from now on.” You were both shocked. “But isn’t it still too early?” you asked, suddenly scared. “I mean. I’m not due for another seven weeks.” Doctor Baker hurried to reassure you. “That’s true, and at this point it’s early enough that our first move would be to try and stop the labour, but that doesn’t always work.” You and Joe looked at each other with concern, not particularly reassured. “Look, I don’t think you’re going to go into labour tomorrow, and even if you did I would expect your babies to be absolutely fine” the doctor told you calmly. “But I would be prepared for them to arrive some time before Christmas.” “But that’s still three weeks early at least!” you spluttered. “Three weeks early is nearly full term” Doctor Baker said calmly. “And twins are very often born early. Not always, but it’s very common. In any case, I’m only telling you this because I think it would be a good idea if you started to make a plan now for what you want to happen when your babies do come. Just in case, you know. It never hurts to be prepared.” “Of course Doctor. Thanks for the advice” Joe replied, sounding calmer than he looked as you left the doctor’s office.

On your drive home Joe let the façade drop. “They can’t come yet, I’m about to be away for two weeks” he said, seemingly on the verge of panic. “And it’s still so early, what if one of them’s sick?” “They won’t be, Joe, we’re in good hands” you told him, not entirely believing it yourself. “Anyway, we definitely need to make a plan. I don’t want them to come while you’re not here either, but I’d much rather be at least somewhat prepared if they do.” “You’re right” Joe sighed. “When we get home we’ll work something out.”

In the end the plan you came up with mostly involved going to the hospital and ringing Joe as soon as possible so he could get on the next plane home. “What if I don’t get there in time though?” He fretted. “I’ll make sure to record it for you” you reassured him. “But they’re my first kids, I want to be there. I’m supposed to go through it with you!” You wrapped your arms around him in an attempt to comfort him. “I know, darling, I want you with me too. But sometimes life doesn’t give you what you want, and that’s ok.” Joe shook his head. “No it’s not. I don’t want to be that dad who wasn’t even there when his kids were born.” “You could never be that dad, Joe” you reassured him, pulling him close. “If you do end up missing it, it won’t be your fault at all.” Your husband suddenly peered intently at you. “How are you so calm about this?” “Last time I had a baby I had absolutely no way of knowing if the father would be there, and neither did he” you pointed out. “As much as he wanted to be there, neither of us had any control over it. This time we do, and I know you’ll move heaven and earth to get here in time if it comes down to it.” Joe still wasn’t entirely soothed, but he at least had faith you would be alright, whatever happened.

The knowledge that the babies could come at any time made Joe more worried than ever about leaving you alone while he was on the other side of the country. Fortunately, your wonderful friends were more than happy to step in when they were informed of the situation. Lucy was staying in New York until New Year’s, so she organised to visit you every day she could while Joe was away, and she promised to send Rami on the days she couldn’t. She even volunteered to be your hospital buddy if necessary. Ben also happily offered support, though of a slightly different kind.

“Uh, babe, would you be okay with a houseguest while I’m away?” Joe asked you at dinner, the night before he was due to fly back to LA. “Depends who it is” you said casually. “Why?” “Ben’s in town for press next week, and we thought maybe he could stay here, help you with Loolah til I get back.” That would be helpful. “How long’s he here for?” you inquired. “Two weeks, we’re gonna hang out for a couple days when he’s done working” Joe explained. “When’s he get here?” “Monday week” Joe told you. I’d only have to spend a week alone while Joe’s not here. You smiled. “Okay then.” Relief swept over Joe’s face. “Oh good. I feel a lot better about leaving you now I know you won’t be alone” he told you. “In the meantime I’m telling them they’re to stay put until you’re home again” you said firmly.        

December

True to her word, Lucy had visited you nearly every day after Joe returned to LA. The first day after Joe left turned out to be the one day she wasn’t free, so Rami dropped in to check on you instead. He insisted it was no trouble, despite his busy schedule. “I had a day off today, I wasn’t busy” he told you, after you thanked him for making time to see you. “Anyway, I’m always here for you and Joe. Me and Lucy. If you need anything, honestly, just call us, anytime. Even the middle of the night, we won’t mind. Seriously, we’re here to help however we can.” “Thanks, Rami” you murmured, hearing the sincerity in his words.

The first week without Joe passed surprisingly quickly, and before you knew it the day of Ben’s arrival was upon you. You were looking forward to having some adult company, but you were slightly nervous too. You’d never spent any substantial time alone with Ben, and now he was going to be sharing your house for a fortnight. Tallulah, on the other hand, was extremely excited about one of her favourite people coming to stay. So excited, in fact, that she tried to stay home from school to be there when he arrived. You eventually won the battle, but the whole process of getting her to school tired you out so much that you spent a lot of the morning napping on your couch. You awoke to the telltale sound of a car in the driveway, and waddled as fast as you could to the front door, opening it just in time to see a cab disgorge Ben, a large suitcase and two other bags.

Ben smiled when he saw you in the doorway. “Y/N!” he called out happily. “Don’t come out, I can sort myself. Go and sit down, I won’t be long.” You made agreeing noises, realising you wouldn’t be much help with anything in your present state. Besides, you were officially banned from heavy lifting, you wouldn’t even be able to help carry something. Several minutes of shuffling and yelling directions up and down your stairs later, Ben was settled into your guest room. When he came downstairs again he was smiling warmly. “It really is good to see you again, love.” “You too” you agreed. Ben’s eyes went wide when he finally got a good look at you, and your enormous bump. “God, you’re…” He trailed off, looking apologetic. “Go on, say it. It’s fine” you assured him. “Well then, you’re kind of huge. Joe’s told me about the bump, hell he’s even shown me pictures, but seeing the real thing… how do you even get that big and not, like, break?” “With great difficulty” you quipped. You weren’t offended by Ben’s honest reaction, you knew he was just a bit shocked.

Five minutes later you were sat on the couch nursing a cup of tea while Ben made himself a coffee. You were quite grateful to be sitting down as the monsters were suddenly restless. “I’m done here, do you want anything else?” Ben called from the kitchen. “I’m good” you called back. Ben returned to the couch to see you holding your tea rather gingerly while looking uncomfortable. “Are you alr- … what is that?” His eyes widened when he glanced at your bump and realised it was moving. You smiled reassuringly. “They’re just kicking. D’you wanna feel?” Ben grinned eagerly. “Yeah! If that’s ok with you?” “Of course it is. C’mere.” He’s so lovely. Half the planet doesn’t even bother asking before touching the bump. You placed his hand over the spot the babies were kicking at. His jaw dropped at the feeling. “That’s so weird! It must be weirder for you though, feeling that from inside.” You grinned. “It is a bit, but it’s sort of reassuring too, getting to feel that they’re still there, still ok.” Ben smiled. “Well it seems pretty cool to me.” You grinned back. “Oh, it’s very cool.” 

Tallulah was very excited to come home and find Ben waiting for her. “Benny!” She yelled, running over to embrace him. “Loolah!” He cried back. “You’ve grown so much since I saw you, you’re getting so big!” He gushed. “I heard you’re going to be a big sister soon too.” She nodded seriously. “Mommy’s having two babies. That’s why she’s so big.” Ben smiled. “I heard. Now come into the lounge room, I’ve got a present for you.” He smiled at you on the way past. “I’ve got a present for Mummy too.”

Ben had brought your daughter a kid’s cricket set, complete with plastic wickets. “She’s English, she shouldn’t be playing bloody softball” he quipped. “Also Gwilym may have told me I have to save her before she goes native.” You just laughed. For you, Ben had brought over a big jar of marmite and two large packs of Jaffa Cakes. “Joe told me you’d been craving them” he explained. You were surprised. “Joe talks to you guys about pregnancy stuff?” Ben smiled exasperatedly. “Mate, he hardly shuts up about it.” You smiled affectionately. “Not that it’s not cute how excited he is,” Ben said hurriedly, “but he’s barely talked about anything else for months.” Okay, I can see how that could get annoying. Still adorable though. 

Ben slotted surprisingly easily into the routines of your household. He was out working or socialising at various times of the day or night, but when he was home he was an excellent guest. He took Tallulah to and from school as often as possible, knowing leaving the house was fast becoming a big effort for you. He also insisted on doing as much housework as he could, helping you with washing, cooking and cleaning whenever he had time. “Joe’d have my head if he thought I’d left you to do everything in your condition” Ben joked one day, after you’d told him for the umpteenth time you were fine to do light chores. You didn’t particularly mind, if you were really honest, you actually quite liked having an extra adult around.

Joe finally came home in the second week of December. You shared a very long hug in the doorway when he finally made it home. He nearly cried with relief when he saw you. Of course he’d already known that you were ok before he left LA, but he’d spent two weeks worrying about what ifs, not to mention the several interminable hours he spent unable to talk to you on the plane. “If we ever have another I’m staying home the whole time, I never want to deal with that much worry again” he declared later. That night Ben had dinner at home with the three of you. Joe had wanted to go out, but he took one look at your expression when he suggested it and immediately changed his mind. During the meal he took a picture with Ben, which he posted to Instagram with the caption ‘Finally reunited.’ Naturally, his comments exploded in minutes, but he was too focused on catching up with both of you to care. 

You were so looking forward to spending a few days just relaxing with Joe now that he was finally home. But apparently your children had other plans. The very next morning you lurched awake at 5am with a sharp pain in your belly. You didn't think much of it initially, you'd been having all sorts of pains on and off for weeks. Then you realised you were lying in a wet patch. Well shit. "Joe." You tried to shake your husband awake gently. "Joe, wake up." "What?" he groaned, still mostly asleep. "I think my waters broke" you said urgently. He lurched upright. "It's go time? Even though it’s still five weeks early?" he asked, suddenly awake. "Looks like it" you said dryly. Joe leapt out of bed, looking frantic. "Shit. Ok. We need to get the bag, and get dressed, and-" "Joe, calm down. There's no need to rush, we've got plenty of time" you reassured your frantic husband. He immediately stopped babbling. "Well, you're the expert." You smiled. "Help me get dressed?" you requested. "Of course babe." Joe's eyes were soft and loving as he spoke. It took only a few minutes for you both to be ready to leave the house. But you had a couple more things to attend to before you could head to the hospital.

First Joe helped you across the landing to the guest bedroom currently occupied by Ben. He entered quietly with you waddling behind him. "Ben" he whispered urgently, nudging his friend, "Ben, come on." It didn't work, so Joe reached across to hit him gently with a spare pillow. "Ben!" Ben rolled over, groaning, only to snap awake at the sight of the two of you leaning over his bed. "What, what's going on?" he asked, concerned. "The babies are coming" Joe explained. "We have to go to the hospital." "Perfect timing" Ben quipped. "Yeah, if this had happened this time yesterday you’d have been driving me" you joked. "Look, I’m pretty glad this guys held off until now" Joe cut in. "But anyway, I know you're here for work but can you do us a huge favour and watch Tallulah today?" he added, pleading a little with his eyes. Ben smiled. "Of course I can. I think I'm actually free today anyway" the blond man told you both. "Great!" you smiled. "Now brace yourself, she's probably going to come and jump on you after we wake her." "So make sure you're decent under there" Joe added, as he helped you out of the room. Ben just groaned. It was too early in the day for humour. 

You had one more stop before leaving. Tallulah's room. "Loolie?" you said quietly, reaching over from the chair next to her bed. "Mommy?" she replied in surprise, peering at you sleepily. "It's ok darling, I just wanted to tell you the babies are coming today" you reassured her. "Today?" Tallulah echoed. "Yes, darling. Joe's taking me to the hospital in a minute" you told her gently. "Ben's going to stay and look after you, so be good for him, okay?" you instructed. "Yes Mommy" she murmured back. "Ok, big sister, I'll see you later" you said happily, leaning over to hug your daughter. "I love you" you whispered into her wavy blonde hair. "Love you Mommy" she whispered back. You felt oddly emotional as you kissed her goodbye and left the room. Next time I see her she'll be a big sister.  

You managed to stay calm while Joe helped you into the car. But almost as soon as you started moving you burst into tears. "You ok?" Joe asked casually. Your weird moods were nothing exceptional any more. "Mostly" you told him. "It's just hit me as we were leaving that Tallulah's not going to be my only child after today" you explained. "That's a good thing, though, isn't it?" he replied, concerned. "Of course it is" you assured him. "It's just that, it was just me and her for so long, and even after you came along we were so close, and now it's not going to be like that any more" you explained, rather sadly. "Babe, you're not going to lose your bond with Loolah just because you've got other kids to raise" Joe reassured you. "I mean, it's going to be different now, but a good different, right?" "Yeah, good different" you agreed. "Plus, she's so pumped to be a big sister, it's gonna be so cute" he told you, smiling. 

It was fairly quick, in the end. You had wondered whether Doctor Baker would attempt to stop the labour, but she told you the best option at this point was to let it happen. “You’re far enough along that your babies are more or less fully developed, even though they’re not quite full term” she assured you. “They’re very healthy, they’ll be perfectly fine.” She also gave you an injection soon after you arrived at the hospital to help the babies’ lungs develop. I don’t think it’ll have much time to work, but I suppose even a little bit helps.

Joe stayed at your side for almost the entire labour, holding your hand, rubbing your back and doing anything and everything you needed him to. Finally, just before noon, the first baby arrived. "Here he is!" Doctor Baker called out, as his piercing cries filled the room. You were flooded with relief when you heard it. His lungs must be ok then. Joe sniffled as he cut the cord, and then there was a sudden flurry of activity on the other side of the room as various people descended to check the baby over, concerned about the potential consequences of his early birth. The doctor had told you earlier that a team from the NICU would be present to check both babies immediately after delivery, but you couldn’t help worrying at the sight of the crowd around your tiny son. He was only five weeks early, but what if something was wrong? Fortunately, nobody in the room seemed overly concerned so far.

Moments later, calm descended, and a nurse came over to you, carrying your son in a loose blanket. "He’s a bit small, but he’s totally healthy” she told you, smiling. “You want to help keep him warm while we wait for the other baby?" she asked. You shook your head. "Dad gets first go" you told her, smiling. Joe was wide-eyed with wonder as she placed his baby on his exposed chest for skin-to-skin bonding, showing him how to support his son's body correctly. "Hey buddy" he murmured, in a sing-song voice. His overjoyed face when he looked over to you, barely holding back happy tears, was a memory you would treasure forever. "We have a son babe" he marvelled. "I have a son."

You smiled, then suddenly groaned. "I think we're about to have another o-aaargghhh!" "Alright Y/N, time to push again" Doctor Baker said brightly. Well duh. You could have slapped her if she'd been in reach. But then you looked back at Joe, happily cradling your son on his chest, while trying to hold your hand at the same time and looking desperately conflicted, and you suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of calm wash over you. It was strangely grounding as you gathered your remaining strength. Doctor Baker started gently talking you through the process, but your energy was rapidly running out. "Almost there Y/N, one more push now" she instructed you. "I can't do it any more," you cried, "I'm too tired." "You're so close now, just one more push" the doctor encouraged. "I can't" you cried again, shaking your head. Suddenly Joe squeezed your hand. "Babe, look at me" he said, voice low and soft. You turned to see him wearing an expression that was somehow adoring and determined at the same time. "I know you're tired, but you're so so close to the finish line. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met, I know you can do this" he told you encouragingly. "Ok" you replied in a small voice. Joe smiled at you adoringly. "Now let's go. I'm right here with you." You gripped his hand tightly as you summoned one final effort. Moments later crying rang out through the room once again.

"Well done Y/N, you did it… oh, and it's a girl!" Doctor Baker announced. "What?!" you and Joe yelled simultaneously. "You said they were boys!" he spluttered, utterly shocked as he leant over to cut the cord again. You were rapidly becoming too exhausted to care much. The doctor was unfazed. "Well, I was wrong" she responded calmly. "Ultrasounds can be tricky to read sometimes, especially with twins. But I made a mistake, and I'm sorry about that." "It's ok" you replied. Joe still looked indignant, but at that moment a nurse came and placed your tiny daughter on your chest. His expression softened immediately, and he quickly broke into happy tears. "One of each" he sniffled, gazing between his newborn children. "We've got one of each now." You just smiled contentedly. "Yeah we do." Joe leaned over to kiss you gently. “You’re amazing honey, you really are. I love you so much.” You smiled contentedly at him “I love you too dear.”

You could have stayed there forever, you thought, just gazing at the two little beings you’d created. They would need to go to NICU soon, but they were breathing well and doing everything they were supposed to, so you were given some time to bond first. You spent the first half hour enjoying first cuddles and skin-to-skin time. You were actually encouraged to go skin-to-skin as much as possible to help the babies regulate their body temperatures. You were hardly complaining though. Joe eventually got out his phone to take some photos of you and the twins. You were very pleased you managed to capture some of him too, especially the heartwarming expression on his face when he did skin-to-skin with both babies at once for the first time. Soon after he took a similar picture of you, which he promptly sent to Ben to announce the birth. “Couldn’t resist, sorry. You just look so happy.” “So do you” you told Joe, grinning. He smiled. “I feel ridiculously happy right now.” Thirty seconds later Joe’s phone buzzed. “Ben says congratulations” he told you. “Oh, and he’s told Tallulah. He wants to know if he can bring her in to meet them yet.” Joe looked at you with concern. “Should we let him? Will they be ok?” he asked nervously. “Joe, they’re basically fine” you reassured him. “I’m sure the doctor would have told us if visitors weren’t allowed.” You smiled. “Tell him to head in. It’ll be nicer for Loolie to see them now anyway, before they go in the incubators.” Three minutes later Ben texted again saying they were on their way, and you and Joe spent a few minutes making yourselves presentable before settling in to wait.

Suddenly a pair of blond heads poked through the door. "Are you ready for a visitor?" Ben asked, smiling gently. "Definitely" Joe smiled. Ben stepped aside to reveal Tallulah, who rushed into the room with a happy cry. Joe stopped her just inside the door. "We need to be quiet and gentle, okay? The babies are delicate, we don't want to hurt them by accident" he explained. "Ok" Tallulah nodded gravely. Joe led her to your bed, where the babies were resting against your chest. "Hello Mommy" she said quietly. "Hi Loolie" you replied. "You're a big sister darling!" you told her happily. "Come and sit next to me so you can see them." "Ok" Tallulah beamed. There was a bit of awkward shuffling while Joe arranged a chair for her. During this interlude you glanced up to see Ben lurking at the door to your room. "You're allowed to come in, you know" you commented. "Oh, I don't want to intrude…" he muttered, slightly embarrassed. "You could never" Joe reassured his friend. Ben smiled at that. "Well, if you're sure…" "Yes" you and Joe insisted simultaneously. "Come on, I'll grab you a seat" Joe added, trotting off immediately.

You turned your attention back to Tallulah, now sat near your head. "Darling, this is your brother Joey" you told her, pointing to the baby on the right. "And this" you added, indicating the other baby, "is your sister. She doesn't have a name yet." Tallulah's face lit up at this news. "I have a brother and a sister? Cool!" You had to smile at how pleased she was. "Wait, she's a girl? I thought they were both boys" Ben chimed in, from his spot facing Tallulah's chair. "Yeah, so did we" Joe quipped. "It was a nice surprise though" he added, voice softening enormously. You smiled quietly to yourself for a brief moment, before Tallulah's voice broke through your reverie. "Can I hold them Mommy?" "Of course" you smiled. "Who do you want to hold first?" 

You had expected Tallulah might be extra pleased to have a sister, but she was equally entranced by both babies, evidently thrilled just to have siblings of her own. She seemed very comfortable holding them too, despite Joe’s nervous hovering and many reminders to “be gentle, they’re delicate.” Clearly she was a natural big sister. Ben, too, looked like a natural with a newborn in his arms, even if he was a little freaked out by just how small your babies were. "He's so little" he cooed, after being handed Joey by Tallulah, who was now gently cuddling her new sister. "Seriously, I don't think I've seen a baby this tiny before, and I've definitely never held one." "You're not nervous are you?" you asked half-seriously. "Little bit" Ben admitted. "I'm worried I'll accidentally hurt him cos he seems so fragile." Joe smiled reassuringly. "You're doing great, man" he told his friend. "They actually are kinda small though, even for newborns. But you’ll be fine, don’t worry about it." You thought both babies did look particularly tiny against Ben's muscly frame, but you said nothing. Joe, though, snapped a very sweet picture of Ben holding your daughter on his phone. “I have to preserve this image for posterity” he told you. Ben took some pictures too, after he handed the babies back to you and Joe. Your favourite was the shot he got of your whole family, gazing adoringly at its newest members. "You look so happy, guys" he commented, showing you the picture afterwards. You and Joe smiled contentedly at him. "We are" you replied. And you were.

You were well enough to be released after three nights in hospital. The twins, however, were required to stay in NICU for a few more days. “It’s mainly for observation” their doctor told you. “They’re doing very well, we just want to be sure there’s no issues before we let them go home.” You were reassured there were no concerns about your babies’ health, but it didn’t make it any easier to be forcibly separated from them, even if it was only when you went home at night.

The many hours spent watching over the twins in NICU proved somewhat useful, as you and Joe were now faced with the unexpected dilemma of choosing a name for your newborn daughter. You’d agreed long ago that your first son would be officially named after Joe, though you’d decided to nickname him Joey to avoid confusion. But discussions about girls’ names hadn’t gone very far before you’d been given the impression you were having twin boys. Since that impression had turned out to be incorrect, you were now facing an uphill battle to agree on a name for your little girl.

"Madison?" Joe suggested. "No. Too American" you responded instantly. “You do realise she is American?” Joe pointed out. You didn’t particularly care. “Only half. Anyway I don’t like the name. Any other ideas?” "Fine” Joe huffed. “Uh, Amy?” You considered it for a moment. “Amy Mazzello. Mhmm, maybe.” “Maybe?” Joe spluttered. “Well what’ve you got then?” “Matilda?” You offered. “I don’t like it” Joe replied. “Way too English. And, Matilda Mazzello?” “Yeah, that doesn’t sound great” you conceded. “Ooh I know! Poet” Joe suggested. You didn’t like it. “God no. We’re not Hollywood hippies, Joe” “You totally are a hippy” he snorted. You quirked your eyebrows. “What makes you say that?” “Uh, you called your first kid Tallulah Rainbow?” he pointed out. “Tallulah is a perfectly respectable name!” You protested. “Besides, the Rainbow part came from her father, not me.” “That… kind of makes sense” Joe conceded. “Still a bit hippy though.” “It’s really not” you grumbled, explaining the significance of the Rainbow Theatre in Tallulah’s life story. “Actually, that’s quite sweet” Joe admitted. Nevertheless, you and Joe were still struggling to find any names you both liked.

In the end, the solution arrived from a rather unexpected source: miss Tallulah Rainbow herself. “Amber” she suggested, when you asked if she had any name ideas to offer her sister. “Amber…” you and Joe considered. “Amber Mazzello…” “I like that” Joe told you. “So do I” you agreed. Joe feigned shock. “We both like it? I don’t believe it!” “Oh shut up” you grumped. “Anyway, do we want to try and find a middle name we can agree on, or just give her one name and be done with it?” “Actually, I was hoping we could slot in a Queen reference somewhere” Joe admitted. “I was thinking maybe her middle name could be Mercury?” “That’s such a cool name” Ben interjected. “It is” you agreed. “So, Amber Mercury Mazzello?” Joe suggested, carefully sounding out the full name for the first time. “Amber Mercury Mazzello” you repeated. “I love it.” 

You felt bad for messing up Ben's plans, but you could also see that having him around was an utter godsend while the twins were still in hospital. Despite supposedly being in town for work, he spent a lot of that week looking after Tallulah and generally being helpful around the house. This had the dual benefit of freeing you and Joe to spend most of your time with the twins, and ensuring Tallulah didn’t feel too left out in all the chaos. Ben did end up having to cancel a couple of interviews, but he didn’t mind too much. “They were group interviews, the rest of the cast still went, it’s fine” he assured you over dinner one night. "Besides, one of them was with Screenstuff, so I’m quite happy to have missed that." “With Marcie?” Joe asked, in a very sympathetic tone. “Yep” Ben replied. “Uhh, Screenstuff?” You asked. “Entertainment website. Marcie’s their main movie reporter and she’s… not the brightest” Joe explained. “Has a really obvious thing for Ben too.” You were confused. “Is… is that a bad thing?” “It is when I’m trying to promote a project and my body is all they ask about” Ben clarified. “Apparently she got all miffed when I didn’t turn up today, said half her questions were for me” he told Joe. Joe whistled. “Bet that went down well.” A sudden thought occurred to you. “You didn’t tell them where you were, did you?” you asked frantically. “Only the other cast members, and they didn’t tell anyone” he assured you. “They just told the reporters I was sick, no one’s going to work it out, don’t worry.” You were very relieved, seeing as no-one outside your immediate circle knew the babies had arrived yet, and you wanted to keep it that way at least until they were out of hospital. 

Finally, the big day arrived. The twins were finally released from hospital after six days in NICU. Joe was a bundle of nervous excitement as he very carefully placed them in their carseats and drove you all home. The excitement seemed to win out for most of the day, until you put both babies down for an afternoon nap. As you sank gratefully onto the couch, you noticed Joe staring into space with a rather stricken expression. “What’s up, love?” “It just hit me a minute ago…” he mumbled. “What just hit you?” You had a hunch about what was bothering him, but you wanted to hear him say it. “I just realised I’m now responsible for two whole human beings for the rest of my life, and I’m freaked out” he told you. “Like, I’m super happy that they’re here and they’re healthy and they’re ours, but…” You smiled gently. “I know you are, dear, I am too.” Joe suddenly looked at you with confusion. “Wait, why aren’t you freaking out right now?” “Been here before,” you said airily, “I’m still a little freaked out, I just knew it was coming.” You paused. “Plus, it’s less scary this time” you added. “It’s not so new and different, and I’ve got you.” Joe smiled at that. “Indeed you do. You’re not slightly terrified by having two though?” You waved a hand. “We’ll manage. There’s two of them, but there’s two of us too.”

Joe was slightly startled the following afternoon when he picked up his phone and realised he hadn’t even looked at Instagram in nearly a week. “It’s so weird” he muttered, scrolling through everything he’d missed. You wondered what he’d seen. “What’s weird?” “It feels like my whole world’s… shifted since I got home, but on Instagram everything seems exactly the same” he explained. “Even my Insta looks like I’ve just been hanging out with Ben all week, but I’ve barely seen him.” “Everyone knows Insta’s mostly not real life” you reassured him. “Yeah,” Joe agreed, “but this is such a huge thing in my life and it’s not there at all.” “Well, if you wanna announce it, feel free. We’ve told all our friends and families now anyway” you pointed out. Joe grinned excitedly. “You’re ready to tell the world about them?” “Absolutely.”

Joe agonised over his baby announcement post. In the end he picked a picture you’d taken of him with the twins dozing on his chest. He posted it with a lengthy caption: ‘So this week I was supposed to be relaxing with Ben… Instead I spent most of it at the hospital since these guys decided to make their entrance last Saturday, five weeks early. Everyone’s healthy, they just needed a bit of time to adjust to life earthside. Anyway, meet my new favourite people: Joseph Francis IV (but we’re calling him Joey) and Amber Mercury (she’s in the dino onesie) Mazzello. Also my wife is amazing and I love her so much more than I can ever express.’ Gwilym very quickly commented ‘So incredibly happy for all of you. Can’t wait to get over and meet these cuties!’ Lucy just posted a line of heart eyes emojis. Later on Brian left a lengthy note. ‘Delighted to hear these two arrived safe and healthy, if a bit ahead of schedule. Hopefully everyone’s adjusting well to their new roles. Huge congratulations and warmest wishes to you all. Bri’. Even Ben eventually chimed in: ‘They’ve stolen my man but they’re so cute I’m not even mad.’    

The next day you got a rude shock, when you realised that despite the lavishly decorated tree in your lounge room you and Joe had entirely forgotten Christmas was nearly upon you. By the time you remembered it was only a week away. “There’s so much to do” you fretted to Joe. “We’ve got to wrap everything and do cards and… shit, two of our kids don’t even have any presents yet.” “They’re a week old, I don’t think they’re gonna care” your husband tried to reassure you. It didn’t help. “But it’s their first Christmas, they’ve got to have something” you insisted. Joe smiled reassuringly. “Well in that case, I’d better go shopping tomorrow” he declared, kissing you gently.

Joe went out alone the next day. But he had a surprise for you. “You were worried about getting everything sorted in time, so I’ve called in reinforcements” he told you as he was leaving. You quirked an eyebrow. “Reinforcements?” “Lucy’s coming over later to help you out” he explained. It wasn’t the solution you’d been expecting, but it turned out to be a good one. With Lucy’s help you made surprisingly quick work of your to-do list, and by the time Joe got home the house was tastefully decorated and there was a small pile neatly wrapped presents under the tree. She even helped Tallulah bake and ice some Christmas biscuits for you all. Her reward was some time spent cooing over your sleepy newborns. “They’re beautiful, lovie!” All in all, everyone ended the day satisfied. 

Christmas Day was fairly peaceful in the end. You enjoyed a relaxing morning opening gifts at home ahead of Christmas dinner with Joe’s family. You and Joe had agreed not to go overboard on presents this year, knowing you’d have a lot of other things going on at Christmastime. But Joe did manage to sneak in a small surprise for you. “From Joey and Amber” he said, handing over one last parcel with a soft smile. You delicately undid the wrapping to uncover a framed copy of the picture Ben had taken of the five of you in hospital the day the twins were born. “Oh, it’s lovely!” you gushed, leaning over to hug Joe. “Thank you.” “Don’t thank me, they got it for you” he replied, grinning. You smiled. “You must have helped though.” “That I did” Joe agreed. “Well thank you for helping them” you told him, leaning in for a chaste kiss. “You’re the best.”

Joe’s family were very excited about meeting the twins, of course, but Tallulah had a lot of fun too, playing with her cousins and generally enjoying all the little treats of the day. You were glad to see her having fun; you’d been worried she might end up feeling a bit left out in all the fuss over her new siblings. She was very disappointed when you had to leave soon after the meal to get the babies home before their bedtime but she seemed happy enough to spend the rest of the evening watching movies and enjoying her presents.

Your family spent Boxing Day largely doing as little as possible. As always everyone was a bit flat after the excitement of Christmas Day. Except for Tallulah, who was very much looking forward to seeing Roger the next day. He arrived in the afternoon, and came to your house almost immediately to take Tallulah out for afternoon tea. You could tell by the way she was beaming when they returned that she had enjoyed the individual attention. Her expression seemed to highlight her resemblance to her father. Roger was slightly startled when he noticed. “Gosh, I’d never realised how much she takes after me.” “She looks more like you every day lately” you told him. “She’s grown up so much since I saw her last” Roger mused. “Well she is a big sister now” you pointed out. He smiled. “Ah yes. How’s she going with that, by the way?” “Very well, actually” you replied. “I was expecting her to be a bit jealous, but so far she just adores the twins. She loves holding them. Even got them Christmas presents.” Roger smiled with pride. “Well that’s good to hear. Hopefully the adoration continues.” You weren’t convinced it would but you still smiled. “Yeah, hopefully.” 

Roger had booked into a hotel, but he still stayed at your house until well past dinnertime every day of his visit. Tallulah was clearly very appreciative of the time with her father, even if she didn’t say it out loud. The days of Roger’s trip sped by, and suddenly it was New Year’s Eve, again. The day held many happy memories for you, but this year was going to be very different. Joe had called off his traditional party, knowing none of you had the energy for a late night. Instead, you were having a sort of open house afternoon to give all your friends an opportunity to meet Joey and Amber at a time that was easy for your family. Adjusting to looking after twin newborns was exhausting enough without trying to find the energy to organise visits every other day. Of course a few of your close friends had dropped in already, but they were a select group amongst your wider acquaintance.

You were amazed at just how many people showed up to meet the twins and have some lunch with you. Even Gwilym made an appearance. “Surprise!” he declared, grinning widely. “I had some time off, and I’ve been dying to see you all, so here I am.” He was amazed when he got his first glimpse of the twins. “Christ, I thought Ben was exaggerating when he told me how tiny they were.” “Would you believe they’ve already grown since Ben saw them?” Joe asked, beaming with pride. To be fair, they did still look ridiculously small in Gwilym’s arms. “They’re not that tiny now, are they?” Joe asked you in an undertone, as you both watched Gwilym enjoying his first cuddles. You smiled reassuringly. “They’re still a bit on the small side. But Gwil is also a bloody tree of a man, he’s making them look even smaller.” Joe laughed at that. 

Gwilym stayed all afternoon, helping here and there and generally enjoying some rare time with Joe. His relaxed mood seemed to have spread throughout your house that day, though the energy lifted considerably when Rami and Lucy finally arrived. Naturally Gwilym was thrilled to see them both, and they spent a long time lounging on your couches catching up. People gradually started to leave as the afternoon wore on, and eventually they were the only guests left other than Roger. Lucy smiled when she noticed this.

“Now that we’re alone, lovies, we’ve got something for you” she declared. Rami gently handed over a bulging gift bag. “Christmas presents. From all of us” he said softly. You started to protest but he waved it away. “Just open them. There’s something for all of you in there.” Indeed there was. The bag held a number of packages, each containing part of a matching set of red baseball shirts, made to look like the D-backs uniform from Undrafted. Yours and Tallulah’s had your surname on the back; the others were labelled Mazzello. Two of these were very small, although closer to toddler than newborn size. Rami looked apologetic. “That was the smallest we could get.” “Rami, they’re perfect” you reassured him. “They really are” Joe chimed in, sounding rather emotional. “Thanks man.” Lucy smiled. “I told him the important thing was that they matched.” You glanced at Joe, wondering why he was so incredibly touched by the gift. “You’re all on my team” he explained, before you could even open your mouth to speak. “You’re my family, even if you don’t all have my name, you’re all mine.” You smiled. “Honey, of course we’re yours. We’re your team.”    

You were still cuddling Joe when Roger suddenly appeared next to you carrying a couple of parcels. “I brought you a little something too” he said sheepishly. “The top one’s from Brian, by the way.” Joe looked surprised. “Brian sent us a baby gift?” Roger smiled. “Of course. That’s what friends do, you know.” Brian had given the twins a stuffed badger and a fluffy hedgehog. “Just a little reminder of their roots” the card said. You and Joe both laughed. “Brian and his hedgehogs. Typical.” Roger’s parcel contained a pair of onesies. One had a photo of John Deacon printed on the front, while the other featured Freddie Mercury. “I heard her middle name and I just couldn’t resist” he said, grinning mischievously. Joe grinned back. “Thanks Roger, they’re perfect.”

Midnight on New Year’s Eve. In years past you’d enjoyed the ritual of sitting up to watch the fireworks, or going out somewhere in search of a New Year’s kiss. This year, though, all you really wanted was to get some sleep. But of course the twins had other ideas. In the end, midnight found you and Joe sat together on the rocking chair, each soothing a baby back to sleep. Joe’s loving gaze suddenly shifted from his children to you. "Thank you" he said softly. "For what?" you asked. "I always wanted a wife, and kids, but before I met you I was starting to wonder if it would ever happen for me" he explained. "And now you've given me both in a single year." "I suppose I have" you mused. "So, thank you. For giving me everything I've dreamed of" Joe said, kissing you gently. "I love you so, so much." You smiled back. "I love you too, babe." You were both quiet as you tenderly set the twins back in their cribs. “It’s been a good year, hasn’t it?” you mused, as you and Joe returned to your bedroom. “It’s gonna be a hard one to top” Joe agreed. “It’s been magnificent.” And the best part was, it was only the beginning.

*******************************************************************************************

A/N 2: This is really the end for these guys now, and I’m a little bit sad about that. I’ve got one Tallulah oneshot I want to finish (there’s lots of Freddie in it, it’s a lot of fun) and then I’m going to take a break from this universe (for now anyway) and work on my ‘possible Freddie Mercury descendant’ story. At this point I’m planning on keeping it as a oneshot, but I’ll see how I go. Hopefully it doesn’t take as long as this one did!

Taglist: (send me an ask or dm if you want to be taken off) 

@wandering-at-midnight @fruityfreddie @trumanjo @ohmygoditsanthonyedwardstark @itsametaphorbriansblog @theedwardscollection @bookish-oreo @simplyvictoria-93 @kotoamor @j1224 @closertothesunwhenimwithyou @florenceivy @jennyggggrrr 

(line through means the tag didn’t work)

003 - The Balance (Request)

A/N: Hi everyone! First of all, I’m very excited to share this fic with you because this is my first request! I feel honoured and very nervous too. Dear anon, hope you like it and thank you so much for trusting me to write this. To everyone, let me know what do you think about it, if you want I would love a feedback. Thank you so much for reading my stories and everything. Oh almost forgot, do you prefer the titles with more description? Or something like a summary? Please let me know. Again, thanks for reading! X

Bassed on:

Hello! Would I be able to request a fic where "y/n" is a musician as well who's dating Van, but you find out you're pregnant and while you and him are excited to be parents, you guys have to hide it from fans, etc.? Thank you! x

You were waiting at backstage for your turn to play at a big festival on UK. It wasn’t the first time you had to do it with your band, a few years ago you played earlier for a small crowd. This time it was different. Your band was getting bigger, and the fan base had grown up fast. You were nervous, as always. For you, playing shows was a mix of fear and joy.

The adrenaline ran on your veins since you woke up that morning and you went directly to the bath of the hotel room to throw up. You supposed you were just nervous, and didn’t say anything to the rest of the band or your manager, not even Van who was playing there too with his band. But as the hours passed, you weren’t feeling much better, and he noticed it.

“Babe, are you okay? You look pale, more than usual” Van asked taking a sit beside you at the sofa that the production had putted on the big tent for the bands.

“I feel a little sick but I’m fine” you replied, lying. You felt like shit.

The sickness made you feel dizzy. You stood up and went directly to the closest bathroom, of course it was occupied. The room was full of people. There was a trash can close to the restrooms, and without thinking you put your head on in and let go all your breakfast and the banana you ate a few minutes earlier. Van stood up and ran towards where you were; he took your hair and put it on a messy bun.

“Y/N, this isn’t fine” he imitated your voice.

“I’m okay, just nervous I guess.”

You still felt like shit during the entire performance and even after the show. When you came back to the backstage Van was waiting for you with a worried face. Your acting failed with him, he could read your mind and see though your soul.  He hugged you and whispered on your ear how fantastic you were and how proud he was of you. Out of the blue, you started crying. His words made you emotional, he said things like that all the time, but in that occasion you were more sensitive than usual. He wiped out your tears and kissed the top of your nose. You smiled at him, trying to convince him, and yourself, that you were fine.

///

The next morning you woke up suddenly, got out of the bed quickly and went directly to the bathroom to puke again. You felt your whole body weak. You rested your arms on the toilet, thinking about what it could be. It was unusual; waking up feeling sick two days in a row, you never felt something like that. This time Van woke up and went to check on you.

"Babe, are you okay?" he asked with his morning voice "can I come in?"

"Yeah" you murmured not sure if Van heard that but he opened the door slowly, anyways.

"What's wrong?" He sounded worried.

"Dunno, I feel like shit again" you voice was almost inaudible.

Van went on his knees at you side and put one of his hands on your forehead to check your temperature. It was normal. You didn't have fever, at least. He insisted to call a doctor, he said it wasn’t normal, and you couldn’t use the nerves as an excuse. You refused, doctors always scared you. That was your free day; you weren’t playing at the festival, or doing any interviews for promo. You convinced him that all you needed was to stay in bed and rest, maybe you were stressed or tired.

"Okay, so... can I help with something, some pills, water?" he looked at you with a frown.

"No, no, I'm fine" just the thought of swallowing anything made you want to vomit again.

He touched your back, trying to bring you comfort while you closed your eyes and took some deep breaths. After a few moments, he helped you to get up on your feet again and watched you in silence while you washed your teeth and your face, then he guided you back on the bed and wrapped you with the blankets.

"Thanks" you murmured closing your eyes, again.

Van pressed his warm lips on your forehead, softly and whispered "I love you" on your left ear.

///

The sound of the magnetic card opening the door woke you up, again. Van’s head appeared floating between the frame and the door, making a weird facial expression with his mouth.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” he said in a low tone.

“Yeah, but it's fine” you moved slowly and sat on your side of the bed, trying to incorporate yourself on the real world.

“How you feeling?” he asked entering the room without closing the door, just walking in your direction and taking a sit on the edge of the bed, right by your side. He left a plastic bag on your bedside table and touched your leg above the blankets; his eyes scanned your face, trying to decode your state, still with a worried look.

“Better, I think” you said, honestly.

“Do you want me to call a doctor, now?”

“No, no it’s fine, maybe it was something I ate, food poison.”

“Y/N, we ate the same food and I feel completely fine.” he had a point, you thought.

“Then maybe it’s a virus, I don’t know, but I’m feeling better, really” you smiled, touching his left cheek with your right hand. He ran his fingers through his hair; he did that when he was nervous about something.

“Van, I’m fine. Can you relax? You look more stressed than me and I’m the one who is feeling like crap” you tried to calm him but you did the opposite.

“See? You said it! You feel like crap, stop acting like you’re okay, Y/N” he wasn’t yelling at you but his voice sounded an inch higher, he used that tone when he was stressed about something, and it was rare on him. He usually was the one who stayed calm.

“Okay, if I puke again, then we’ll call a doctor, I promise” you offered him a truce.

“Alright” he sighed “you scared the shit out of me.”

“I’m sorry” you said quietly. Van gave you a weak smile, but he kept his worried expression. You moved and pecked the top of his nose. “I love you” you confessed for the million time.

“I love you, too” he replied taking a deep breath “are you hungry? Wanna eat something?” he asked.

“Hmm yeah a bit, what time is it?”

“5pm, you slept all day, sleeping beauty” he joked, he was in his ‘happy puppy’ mood, like you used to say, again.

“Really? Fuck, I was knockout”

“Yeah, completely passed out” he agreed.

He called the room service and ordered the healthiest meal that they had. You rolled your eyes at how he was over protecting you; and grabbed the bag. It was full of supplies for sick people, a bottle of Gatorade, two of Evian water, a box of lemon tea, many different pills that you never heard about, and a pregnancy test. Van hanged up the phone and gave you his attention again. You looked like you have seen a ghost.

“Just in case” he clarified, lifting his shoulders.

“Do you think it’s...” you didn’t need to finish the sentence, Van already knew what you talking about.

“Dunno, maybe?” he replied, biting his lower lip “it’s a possibility, right?” he couldn’t help but gave you a wide smile.

Van always wanted to have kids, since you met him a few years ago he talked openly about wanting to have a family of his own, buy a house, getting married, having children, all the stuff. When you started dating it was something that you both discussed many times. The first big step was moving together, and it went great. The second thing was getting married; he didn’t propose you officially but gave you the necklace his father gave to his mom when they got married. It was a tradition, when he came to this world his mom gave it to him. He would do the same with the love of his life and his future kids.

You wanted all that too, he was the love of your life, every time you saw Van around children your heart melded and couldn’t help to think about having your own kids. He would be a great father, for sure. But on the other hand, you both had a very special, atypical and complicated lifestyle for including all those things on your plans. Both bands were getting bigger, playing at big venues for many people, all over the world. You both had a huge amount of loyal fans expecting new material, new tour dates, and you didn’t knew if you would be able to handle everything at the same time.

You put the small box inside the plastic bag again and took the bottle of water instead, trying to focus on something else. Van didn’t say anything about it, just switched on the TV and moved right next to you on the bed, with one arm open for you to cuddle by his side, as you always did.

///

You've bitten your thumbnail and bounced your leg sitting on the edge of the bathtub for a few minutes, waiting for the results of the pregnancy test. Everything was quiet, you were alone, Van was already sleeping but you couldn’t. Searching on your phone the symptoms wasn’t the best idea you ever had. It could be anything, a simple flu, a baby, or even cancer. The thoughts were running on your mind. You were tired of looking at the ceiling in the dark. You need to know if you were pregnant or not, at least.

The tiny object was burning on your fingers. You didn’t want to see it alone but you didn’t want to wake up Van and giving him high hopes, if the result was negative he would be devastated, you knew how excited he was, even if he tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal. But if it was positive, you wanted to share that moment with him.

You didn’t have to choose, a few knocks on the door told you that Van was already woken.

“Love? Are you sick again?” he sounded really concerned.

You didn’t answer so he opened the door, slowly. He stood up in front of you and looked to the tiny object on the sink; you put it with the screen down so he didn’t saw the result either.

“You did it” he said, gasping.

“Yeah” you replied contemplating his face.

“What does it say?” Van was pale as a ghost, more than usual.

“I- I don’t know, I didn’t check it yet” you sounded terrified, and you were.

“Do you think you’re- do you think it’s positive?” he asked, gulping his own saliva.

“Maybe, there’s a chance...”

A few months before, when you and Van were on a break from touring with your bands, you started trying to get pregnant but it didn’t worked. You went to doctors and all the results of your analysis were fine, they didn’t find anything bad, yet. But the world kept moving, and you both had to come back to your crazy lives, so you stopped trying and drop the subject. ‘Everything happens for a reason’ you said to yourself.

A couple weeks ago, it was your anniversary and you celebrated it taking a bath together, drinking champagne with candles all over the place, the lust and passion made you a bit reckless and didn’t use protection. You haven’t thought about it so much, until that moment.

“Do you want me to leave you alone?” he said, unsure of what you needed.

“No, no please, stay...” you replied immediately “let’s find out what it says together.”

You took the test and put it on one of his hands, and then you closed it with your palm against his knuckles while your eyes were connected with his. You wanted to tell Van how much you loved him and that he was the love of your life, forever, but no words came out of your mouth. He pressed his lips on yours, hard, and took the back of your neck with his free hand. You opened your mouth to kiss him properly, with desperation.

“I love you so much” you whispered, without oxygen on your lungs.

“I love you too” he replied “whatever it says, or whatever you want to do, whatever happens, I’m here, okay? I support you...” you nodded feeling the tears on your face.

You’ve never been more nervous in your entire life. Your heart was beating so fast, your hands shaking. You thought you will faint right there if you didn’t check soon what the result said.

“Alright” you said letting go Van’s hand. He opened slowly, he was shaking too.

You both looked at the small sign. Positive. You looked up to see Van’s reaction. His eyes were bigger than you ever seen before. His mouth opened but no sound came out. He was waiting for your reaction, or he was in shook.

You smiled and kissed him with your arms around his neck and your body pressed to his. He held you with force. You took a step back to look at his face again.

“We’re having a baby” you said, breaking in tears of happiness.

Van let go a laugh and a few tears too. His nose was red as his lips. He gave you a peck on your lips, without saying anything yet. Van was speechless for the first time in his entire life.

“We’re having a baby” he repeated touching one of your cheeks with the palm of his hand. “Are you sure? Do you want to have it?” he asked, and the colour of his face ran away.

You didn’t doubt it for a second. You were absolutely sure that you wanted a family with him.

“I’m fucking scared but yeah, I want to-” your voice broke “I want to have a family with you.”

Both cried and laughed at the same time, and kissed and hugged many times. Then he guided you back to the dorm and both went to bed. Van opened one arm and you moved your body close to his, laying your head on his shoulder.

///

The next few months were the most chaotic of your entire life, the tour-life didn’t compare to the changes you felt internally on your body and on your life in general. The morning sickness kept appearing, it was definitely the worst part. The best part was seeing your belly growing, faster than you and Van imagined. He was more excited than you about that. Another thing that you loved was seeing him while he touched your stomach, and talked or sang to the baby. It was weird but lovely. You never felt more happier.

Your band mates and ‘the Catfish family’ were very supportive and excited, too. They always made jokes about which instrument the baby was going to learn to play first, and who was going to be the favourite band member of the creature. You loved to see them discuss it as if was the middle East conflict.

But at the same time many thoughts were floating inside your mind. One of them was how were you going to tell the news to the fans. You were very shy and liked to keep your personal life in private. Van was like that too, but he was more transparent than you. He wore his heart on his sleeve all the time, without even noticing it, he couldn’t help it. You loved that. It was one of the things that you more loved and admired about him, but for the first time you felt like it was an inconvenient.

“Van” you said as you stopped singing a new song you’ve been working on.

He rolled his head on the couch he was sitting on in the music studio of your house. Van had built it as soon as you confirmed your pregnancy. You both always dreamed about it, and with a baby coming, it was the perfect excuse to keep working on your music while you were staying home. That was what kept you sane. You needed something different to focus your mind.

“Hmm?” he emitted a weird sound.

“How do you think that we should keep... this?” you pointed your belly behind the acoustic guitar you were holding.

“What do you mean?” he frowned, confused.

“I mean, I don’t know how we should communicate the news. People are starting to ask questions” you said, worried.

The fans were already talking online, making assumptions, after you made some public appearances wearing oversized clothes, not rare on you, you used to wear Van’s clothes all the time, but your figure was changing inside of them. Some people thought that you were getting weight, it was true. Others commented directly on your social media if you were pregnant. That was what freaked you out. You didn’t know how to handle all that attention.

“Fuck it if they talk” he sang, he was quoting one of his own song lyrics.

“I’m serious” you said, trying not to laugh about his stupid joke.

“Dunno, they’ll find out, eventually” he seemed so relaxed. “We can make an official statement like the celebs, you know? Like Beyoncé’s” you laughed “or we can keep it simple and if someone asks us, we confirmed it.”

“I don’t want to make a big deal about it, I don’t like being the centre of attention, like you” he rolled his eyes but he knew it was true, he was a Leo, of course he loved it “but I don’t want to anyone make money or take advantage of our baby.”

“I won’t let that happen, love. I’ll demand The Sun if it’s necessary.” You laughed, but that wasn’t the only thought on your mind. You touched your belly, thinking how the fans would react to the news.

“And what about the fans?” you gulped your own saliva.

“What about ‘em?” he asked really unconscious of all the bad things that ran on your mind.

“What if they get upset about me having a baby and taking a break from touring and stuff, what if they hate me for you know having a child with... you.” He moved to rest his head on your legs, and you started playing with his hair. “You act like it’s not a big deal but there are many girls out there dreaming about carrying all of your children and call them stupid shit” you sang Hourglass, one of his most famous songs. It was your turn for stupid jokes. He laughed like a madman.

“Are you serious, Y/N?” he said when he noted that behind your humor was your real concern.

“Yeah, I’m worry about all that”

“Oh c’mon, love. It’s gonna be okay. I promise” he sounded so sure of it that you relaxed a little “You’re over thinking and it’s not good for you or you both...” he touched your stomach and kissed it quickly. He was right, you were overthinking and overreacting. “We are in this together, I’ll take care of you and our mini-Van” he already had chosen a nickname.

“The fans will wait, they love you. If Beyoncé’s has done it, you can.” Another reference to your biggest idol, he knew how to calm your nerves with a stupid joke “And about my fans... well, they’ll get over it” He hushed his shoulders, “’sides, I’m making tons of new songs that they gonna to love it, just keepin’ ’em fed well, y’know?” he recorporated himself on the couch and gave you a kiss on your forehead when you rested your head on his shoulder, taking a deep breath.

He made everything looks so simple; you admired his capacity to be relaxed all the time about stuff that freaked you out. It was the perfect balance between your personalities.

You didn’t know how you were going to deal with pregnancy for the next few months, or how hard it would be to keep doing what you loved and carrying a child at the same time, or even how you would tell the world about it. But you knew one thing for sure, with Van by your side; everything was going to be alright.

About Me Game

Answer 10 questions and tag 10 people (Tagged by: @they-are-not-just-stories , thank you babe ❤️)

How tall are you?

Something between 5’4” and 5’5” (I always have do Google how to convert my height, for me it’s something between 1.63 m and 1.66 m 😂)

What color and style is your hair?

Red, wavy/curly ( My hair has its own life... I guess it depends on the day and how I take care of it.) and untameable. Right now it’s long, but I might change my mind and cut it above my shoulders, I’m a crazy motherfucker when it comes to my hair 🤫

What color are your eyes?

Something between light blue and grey. It depends on the mood, actually... What I’m wearing sometimes makes them look more bluish or more greyish too.

Do you wear glasses/braces?

I should wear glasses, but I rarely do, only when I need to read or work in my computer. When I do, everything feels HD comparing to what I usually see 😂

What’s your fashion sense?

I guess it depends on the occasion... Sometimes I wake up wanting to look like a living doll, with my fancy dresses and super high heels, others I just want some leather and a band shirt or something 😂 Most of the days I just grab the first thing I find in my closet.

Full name? 

My name is Cátia, although most of people call me Kate; everyone thinks my name is Kate, sometimes even I believe that, I am not used to answer by my real name.

When were you born?

September of 1995 baby 😂

Where are you from and where do you live now? 

I’m from Portugal and I live in Porto, the capital of the North 😁

What school do you go to?

I’m not in school anymore, but I attended the Faculty of Arts (Languages and International Relations - Politics and stuff 😁)

What kind of student are you?

I was a good student, I’ve always had the capacity of absorbing information 😁 If the subject really interested me, I wouldn’t even need to study.

Do you like school?

I used to think school was a pain in the ass, nowadays I really miss it. Those are the best years of your life, believe it or not. Compared to adult life, school is Heaven. Sometimes I really want to go back in time, especially to college time!

Favorite subject?

I followed different paths in high school and college, so...

High school: Physics, Chemistry, Biochemistry, Philosophy...

College: History, International Politics, Politic Philosophy, Marketing and an optional subject I had about Journalism. Law and Economics were cool but a bit boring.

Favorite TV Shows?

Peaky Blinders, Taboo, Narcos, The Sopranos, House of Cards, Dexter... Give me crime, man 😂

Favorite Movie?

I don’t think I can chose 😂 I love Inception, Batman movies (old and new, until Nolan’s TDK), Warrior, WWII related movies (I always cry!), The Sound of Music, LOTR, Harry Potter, Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, Law Abiding Citizen, Split, Shutter Island... I feel like I could go on forever 😂

Favorite book?

The Godfather, Dan Brown’s books, Tolkien, Fernando Pessoa and a lot of other poetry related authors, George Orwell...

Do philosophy/politics books count? I’m currently devouring a series of four books about espionage and tactics behind WW II 😂

Favorite past time?

I would’ve loved to have lived in the 19th century, 20s , 60s or 70s/80s 😂

Do you have regrets?

Don’t we all? But mistakes are an important part of our lives. Decisions we’ve made brought us to where we are today. “Never a failure, always a lesson.”

Dream job?

I used to want to have a philosophy teacher. I am tutoring and working in politics, meaning I partially my dream jobs! But I dream of working on the area of diplomacy or an international organisation one day.

Would you like to be married?

It can happen, but it’s not like I dream of it. I don’t think you need a bunch of papers and a ring to express love or commitment.

Would you like kids?

I’m not sure, it’s still early to think about that anyway. It must be bloody difficult to be a good parent. Sometimes I feel like I would like to experience how is it to be a mother, sometimes I don’t know if I would be capable of doing it right. Right now I can’t even take care of myself right, so...

How many?

If I had kids, I’d like to have twins... Or two kids. I’m an only child and I would’ve liked to have had a brother. It must be nice to grow up with someone.

What countries have you visited?

Spain, UK, Germany, Italy... I really want to go back! And if possible, go to Russia.

Scariest nightmare you’ve even had?

I have some crazy dreams sometimes... I’m locked and someone wants to hurt me or kill me and there’s no way out, why does my brain do this to me?!! But honestly, no nightmare is scarier than conscious dreams or sleep paralysis, the feeling of powerlessness is really despairing and it freaks me out. I struggle to “wake up” but I’m stuck.

Any enemies?

Thankfully, I’m unable of feeling hate. I’ve had people in my life who hurt me and harmed me so bad that you would say they deserved my hate... But the hate would only harm me. So no, no enemies, just people whose existence I chose to ignore, for the sake of my sanity.

Any significant one?

Unless Alfie Solomons is a valid answer, no 😂

Do you believe in miracles?

It depends on the miracle. I don’t know if there’s such thing as miracles, or any entity/ force/ whatever that interferes with our lives at some points... What I know is that there are some things the reason can’t explain, call it whatever you want.

How are you?

I’ve been better, but I just hope things don’t get worse, that’s a beginning!

Tagging: @prasygold @marvelgirl7 @outofbluecomesgreen @miidailyinspiration @markusstraya

i blame carrie bradsaw

“Simply walking along with a takeaway coffee in your hand turns you into a belligerent fantasist. You feel like a VITAL cast member of Sex & The City, when of course, really, you're just a schmoo with a brew.” -- Caitlin Moran

Oh no, I’m a walking talking cliche, feeling like a Gal About Town sat in the lobby of a trendy New York hotel getting quite tipsy (it’s 3pm on Friday and my flight is a few hours) and writing a blog. Yes, I am that person who drinks before a flight (if I can, and if it’s a socially-acceptable slash chic enough hour to not look unhinged). I just had a quick scan of this lobby, and everyone is drinking, so, I don’t look like the odd one out, thankfully. Getting tipsy (not drunk) before a flight makes me feel less anxious (the hypnotherapy didn’t work! boo!), and also makes me fall asleep quicker, so win win. 

I’ve had the best 10 days in New York. To the point where I am like, can you fundamentally be changed in 10 days? Am I going home a different person? Maybe that’s possible. Maybe you can go away for 10 days and come back slightly different. I can’t stop thinking about that new Paul Rudd Netflix show “Living With Myself” because it taps into this tempting idea of Our Best Self vs Our Average-To-Poor Self. I just texted my sister to say: “I think I am my best self here??” She replied being like “what do you mean??” I was like “I don’t know??”

I guess we are changing and adapting every single day and you could argue that you don’t wake up as ~the same person~ each morning anyway. Symbolised through our hair, we have good days and bad days. Every single day, we are shaped and moulded and scarred, both renewed and slightly more beaten down. We might be inching closer to death as we age, but perhaps we are also becoming closer to being ourselves.

I saw a palm reader while I was here. I don’t give care if people think it’s woo-woo. I also don’t care if it’s a scam, because all that matters is that the person (which is me, in this case) is going into it wanting to do it. My palm reader was an older lady wearing a headscarf who didn’t smile and as I sat down nervously she said ‘how long have you had that headache?’ and my eyes nearly popped with surprise because I’d had a pumping headache all morning from the anti-biotics I was taking, and from crying out all the H20 in my body at the 9/11 museum. So, obviously I felt like a see-through piece of paper and it meant I started believing all the other stuff she was starting to tell me. My past life. My relationship. My family. My future. My finances. My barriers. I won’t share here what she told me. But, good news: it didn’t totally freak me out. Quite the opposite. It made me feel stable. Good. Relaxed. Certain things in my life, she said, will never be a problem. But, there are certain things that I need to keep a very careful eye on. There is something lacking in my life, she said. She raised an eyebrow. She knew. And I knew. She gave me some more information, she sold me two crystals and told me to put them under my pillow. She also told me not to eat meat or dairy for a few days but then I might have accidentally stop off at Chipotle on the way home. 

The energy in New York is different. The actual vibrations of the city are stronger, louder, faster. Like that Kanye West song. Practically everyone is swaggering around with a brew in hand and sunglasses because most people have chosen to live here. There is a “I made it to NYC, bitch” kind of attitude. A sign of success for so many people. That’s not to say I didn’t see a lot of lost souls wandering the aisles of WholeFoods with sad eyes searching for $20 salads. But on the whole, there is an attitude of LET’S DO THIS. I might be generalising, but in the UK I’m not usually met with this level of enthusiasm. Back home, people say things like ‘wow you’re brave!’ while swigging a drink when you talk about being self-employed, or they say “oof, eek, good luck with that matey!” when you share a new big idea -- but here, in NYC, people are like: “sounds GREAT, I think I know someone who could help???” 

I made impromptu plans with people and we did really great fun stuff. Back in London making a plan often requires a Doodle poll and someone saying: “hi babe!!!! I think I could do Feb 2020, week commencing the 5th, for half an hour????”

I went to a Max Richter concert with my friend Clemmie and realised (late to the game) that listening to classical music live is basically listening to a sound bath and it clears out the dregs of your mind. I went to Jimmy Kimmel live, and I felt like a nerd in my element watching how the production and crew made it all happen. A smooth operation, and a really funny show. I went to an event at The Wing, where Liv Little was speaking about building Gal Dem and representation/misrepresentation in the media, and then a small group of us when to the best dumpling place I’ve ever been to, they were called ‘soup’ Dumplings because the delicious soupy goodness explodes in your mouth. I did a book event (COUGH COUGH my book comes out soon in America) with Manrepeller which felt super special having followed Leandra Medine’s career journey since my early twenties. I bumped into a good friend who I’d gone to NYC with 10 years prior. I kept hearing songs in cafés that reminded me of my twenties. I guess a lot of things felt ‘full circle’. 

Thirty, flirting and thriving!

But seriously, being thirty is great.

E xo

Sleepy Ash Imagine

Ash catches a flight as soon as the guys are finished so he can come home and see you as soon as possible.

__________

Over the years, long distance was getting a tiny bit easier for you and Ashton. Granted, you’ve had your ups and your downs but there’s nobody else you’d wait up til the early hours of the morning for. Instead of coming home later with the rest of the band and crew after the UK leg of the tour, Ash opted to catch a late flight home. After the guys’ hiatus, it was a routine you had to sink back into but after 2 months apart, Ash had decided he’d catch a late flight home to you. It was meant to be a surprise but he couldn’t contain it for long, the thought of being back in your arms sooner rather than later being too much.

You’d decided to just head to Ashton’s straight from work that night, wanting to be there to greet him at the door. Thankfully it was only a short shift today so you weren’t too tired, and seeing as the guys were coming home you’d already gotten the next week or so as holiday. Letting yourself in, the smell of warm leather with hints of coffee and vanilla brought a massive smile to your face. Your phone goes off as you close the door behind you, dropping your bag and kicking your shoes off as you open the text from Ash.

// I’m just getting a cab now so I won’t be too long hopefully. I couldn’t get much sleep during the flight so I’m sorry if I’m tired :((( I’ll see you soon baby girl //

You text him back telling him not to worry, tired or not he was coming home and you couldn’t wait to feel his arms wrap you up and squeeze you close. The airport was a while away but being just before 10pm the traffic should be fairly easy going. You decided to order some food in and after placing your order, went upstairs and found one of Ashton’s top you always steal and left it on the bed with some pyjama shorts you’d left behind. Deciding to get rid of the worries of the day, you put a playlist on your phone on shuffle and had a shower. A short while later you were changed, hair still in the bun to avoid it getting wet, and cozying up on the sofa with a cup of fruit tea to warm your hands and the throw kept there. He’d be home soon.

__________

You woke to muffled noises on the telly and knocks on the door. You got up from the sofa, where you’d ended up getting a bit too cozy and sunk into the cushions, checking your phone for the time as you slumped toward the front door. It was 22:58 which caused you to wake up quick, leaving your phone on the sideboard, rushing to the door. As your hand turned the key and pushed down on the cold metal handle, your arms and stomach went all tingly with excitement and a few nerves.

“Hey Y/N, I couldn’t be bo-“ he cut himself off with a slight yawn he tried hiding as you threw your arms around his waist. His arms quickly found their way around you, hands rubbing your back as Ashton leant down to hide his face in your neck. He took a deep breath, “I was gonna try and surprise you a little but I couldn’t be bothered to root around my bag for my keys.”

You grinned, trying not to kill the moment by laughing at how tired Ash was. “Come on, let’s get you inside. It’s warmer and more importantly there’s a lot of coffee waiting for you.” He kisses your cheek as you both pulled away from each other, you grabbing his suitcase handle and pulling it inside before he could protest. Ash was very protective of you and there’s been the odd time you’ve had to quickly grab a bag or a bill, ignoring his protests as you did something for him. He was old school in that way.

You pulled the case into the hallway, leaving it there as no doubt there was a ton of washing to do. “How was your flight? You must be knackered.” You turned to get a good look at your boyfriend as he locked the front door. He was still in his usual affair of boots, skinny jeans only this time with an ordinary white top on under his jacket instead of a shirt. He kicked his boots off and made his way over to you, hair starting to flop causing his curls to bounce slightly as he stepped.

“Let’s not even go there. I thought I’d get some sleep during the flight but an overtired baby crying didn’t agree with that plan,” he took your hands in his, watching you as you turned his over, placing a kiss on the back of them. Your eyes met his and you melted under his gaze. Even after all this time. You let out a content sigh, “Well, I figured you’d at least want a small coffee so I’ll go pour you one out. Go get comfy and I’ll bring it in.” You went up onto your tip toes to place a soft kiss on his lips. 2 months without his kisses and touch forgotten by the feel of his smile against yours. You ushered him into the living room and headed straight for the mugs and coffee pot, unable to contain the smile that broke out. You heard a series of smaller thuds as you made your way back to him, and pushed the door open a bit more, careful not to spill any of the drink. You looked over and saw Ash slumped face first on the throw you’d used a few minutes before. “Babe, why don’t we go to bed? We can talk in the morning.” You sat on the edge of the cushion by his head, your hand finding its way to push his hair out of his face, caressing his cheek.

“I’m good for a bit, I thought we could talk for a little bit. I’ve missed your voice, phone calls aren’t the same. I can do it.” You shook your head, moving back so you were sat facing Ashton as he sat up putting his feet on the corner part of the sofa. You fell into conversation, watching his face light up when he spoke about meeting fans or the boys. His dimples came through even when he was sleepy and didn’t have energy to put effort in, his eyes twinkling and every no and again his eyelids closing. Never for long though, you chuckled at how he kept fighting sleep. You enjoyed your little talks like these. You and Ash against the world.

__________

What felt like hours had gone by and you’d ended up with Ashton laying in between your legs, his coffee still sitting on the table. He had his arm snaked under your bent leg, holding his phone up above him, flicking through photos he’d gotten during the tour. Every now and again his phone would slip slightly, causing him to give up and put it down. He turn back fully and just laid on his side, his hand stroking the outside of your thigh as he places featherlight kisses on the inside. “Baby why don’t you try and get some sleep? We can make a day of pictures and catching up tomorrow. You need to rest.” Ashton pulled his head back and looked up at you, “But I came back early to see you. I’m fine, I swear. I’m not tired.” You rolled your eyes at him, he could be stubborn at times but on this occasion it was cute. You both turned your attention to the tv, it was mainly repeats of Family Guy and game shows at this time. Every now and again Ash would crease with laughter or make a comment. About half way through an episode you grabbed one of the books off of the table, moving carefully to not hurt Ash. As you learn over you saw that his eyes were closed and he started to stir slightly. You quickly moved back, grabbing he book you were half way through and settled down with it, the soft glow from the dimmed lights giving you enough to read by. Turning the tv over to a radio station on low volume, your hand made its way to Ashton’s hair, softly running your fingers through it. You soon heard soft snores from him as he pulled your leg closer to him once more. Finally satisfied he was sleeping, you turned your attention to your book hoping that you too would soon get a little sleep before jet lag woke him up at stupid o’clock. This was all you’d ever wanted. Your home complete once again.