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redbullgirly · 4 months

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The Dancer [FA14 smau]

Fernando Alonoso x dancer!reader

Masterlist

Summary: Few months after, everybody laughs when they remember the rumors about Fernando Alonso and Taylor Swift dating. Would they laugh though if they new it maybe wasn't so far from truth as it may seem? Well, one thing's for sure - Y/N and Fernando will laugh very much while soft launching their relationship... and confusing everyone with swiftie content thanks to her job.

Warnings: Maybe wrong dates and timeline of The Eras Tour, but whatever XD.

messages between Y/N and Fernando

fernandoalo_oficial posted on instagram

liked by alex_albon, zhouguanyu24, pierregasly and 562,109 others

fernandoalo_oficial I was taken by the view like we were in Paris... romance is not dead.

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user1 i dont think my brain can comprehend so many things all at once😨

user2 right? I'M IN SHOCK

user3 fr fernando wants to give us a heart attack😭

lilymhe I see what you did here...

alex_albon I indeed see what he did here too...😏

user4 guys tell us what he did pls I'm begging youuuu

user5 Alonso soft launching was not on my 2024 bingo card

user6 him soft launching with TAYLOR SWIFT wasn't on MY bingo card 😭

user7 How he's suddenly so hot in the first pic? Like damn sir okay🫢

user8 girlfriend effect is real y'all

georgerussell63 Mate you can't do that to me, I just woke up 😧

user8 lmfao princess georgie is as confused as we are xd

fernandoalo_oficial sorry mate, don't get wrinkles🤞

gerogerussell63 What even is that choice of emoji?

fernandoalo_oficial well, someone is original with an emoji and someone is original with a pose... choice is yours 😃

georgerussell63 Stop it's been almost a year 😭

user9 not them bullying each other💀

user10 Yeah the duo we didn't know we needed

user11 I saw the first picture and almost spat out my drink in shock of such a hot photo of Nando. Then I swiped and literally choked on it because the last think I'd ever expect from his photo dump is a soft lunch of some baddie girl🫣

user12 I am delusional for thinking Taylonso could still have a chance, aren't I?

user13 well i mean you basically answered it yourself so... yeah XD

user14 OMG WHAAAAAAT😱

user15 oh no Fernando is not single anymore💔

user16 I think I accidentally teleported into some alternative universe... what is thiiiis?

user17 REAL

user18 fuck me this man seriously used lyrics from paris by ts💀

user19 Idk why but I kinda like this new side of Fernando😻

twitter

yourusername posted on instagram

liked by taylorswift, fernandoalo_oficial, carmenmmundt and 5,234 others

tagged: taylorswift and 9 others

yourusername crazy performance, even crazier night out and the most crazy training the day after... I call that the life of a dancer😻🎉 also my head and heart did go vroom vroom after the second pic

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taylorswift I call that the eras tour life!💗

yourusername yes ma'am!

user1 damn she got our queen Taylor replying to her posts... how does it feel to live my dream?!😭

yourusername amazing! 🥰

user2 such a shame my mum didn't force me to try dancing when I was little... I could have been at podium next to Taylor Swift right now 😃

liked by the author

user3 You are such a good dancer, the shows wouldn't be the same without you Y/N!

yourusername omg thank u sm I really appreciate that!!🥹

user4 sooo... are we gonna just ignore Fernando in the likes or what???

user5 THAT'S WHAT I CAME HERE TO SAY

user6 fr I need some crazy detective from twitter to figure this out😫

carmenmmundt Hey, could you give me and lilymhe vip tickets...?

yourusername I mean... everything can be done 😏 I'll just need to ask mother Taylor bc I just used my plus one at the last concert🫡

lilymhe OH MY GOD WE LOVE YOU Y/N

yourusername I love you girls as well, we have to finally meet sometimes!!!

carmenmmundt Yeah, I think we'll have chance at the end of February at the latest😉

user7 WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE

user8 Omg are they hinting Y/N at the Bahrain GP?? F1 season starts at the end of February right?!

goergerussell63 Well hello there, nice to meet you Y/N... given the fact my dear girlfriend doesn't care about me, could you give me and alex_albon vip tickets as well?😊

alex_albon Yeah Y/N we are very big fans😊

yourusername everything for the guys that go vroom vroom🫡

alex_albon Like your heart

yourusername exactly!

user9 I AM FREAKING OUT

user9 MY BRAIN HURTS FROM HOW MUCH IS GOING ON

user9 WAIT FUCK I THINK I GOT IT

user9 AAAHHH I FEEL LIKE SHERLOCK MF HOLMES

twitter & messages between Y/N and Fernando

yourusername posted on instagram

liked by selenagomez, fernandoalo_oficial, francisca.cgomes, astonmartinf1 and 8,234 others

yourusername preparing for the next season🤞

view all 1,029 comments

user1 y/n is literally living my dream life rn

georgerussell63 Oh no... he infected you with that emoji, didn't he?

yourusername we'll never know... maybe I infected HIM with it

gourgerussell63 I think higher of you and your taste in emojis

yourusername aww thanks princess georgie how sweet🥰

georgerussell63 I take it back

user2 HELLO?! what is happening💀

dancer1 excuse me little miss y/n... is that a man i'm seeing?🤨

yourusername well... maybe

dancer2 Be fr she's trying to soft launch him for like a month now😭

dancer1 okay i'm calling you rn STAY WHERE YOU ARE

user3 Guys why's nobody talking about the paddock pass in the 5th picture!!!!

user4 omg that's a PADDOCK PASS?😱

user5 yeah it is I noticed it thanks to this comment

user6 Wait... does that mean her and Fernando have been together longer? Because she already went to a race before the winter break??

user5 idk girl we don't even know for sure she's really dating him😓

user6 idgaf about who's dating her bc even without bf y/n's sooo hot like damn... mommy🥵

user7 I'm so confused... is this Alonso's girl or not?

user8 trust me user7 - we'd all like to know that😭

user9 😍

yourusername and fernandoalo_oficial posted on instagram stories

yourusername story has been seen by taylorswift, lance_stroll and 13,634 others

fernandoalo_oficial story has been seen by charles_leclerc, astonmartinf1 and 308,003 others

user1 replied to yourusername story: is that an f1 driver there y/n

dancer1 replied to yourusername story: Hope he'll not disappoint me in person when you talked about him sm 😒

yourusername ohhh trust me you'll love him just as I do🥰

dancer1 omg bleeeeh I hope not 🫣

user2 replied to yourusername story: your friends are so pretty😩

taylorswift replied to yourusername story: When you'll take him to get my approval??

yourusername soon taylor, soon... I'm just afraid it'll break the internet lol

taylorswift I think we're used to that already with Travis at this point😂

yourusername true😭

fernandoalo_official replied to yourusername story: 🔥

yourusername it's going to be okay, they'll love you 🫶

fernandoalo_oficial how did you know I was nervous amor?

yourusername I saw you literally shaking when you left to the bathroom love...😹

yourusername oh they're back come quickly!!💞

fernandoalo_oficial onmw

user3 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: IS THIS THE CONFIRMATION WE NEEDED?!

user4 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: I see what you're doing here old man 👀

user5 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: soft launch slowly turning into a hard launch and I'm here for it!!!!

dancer1 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: I guess you aren't that bad in person...

fernandoalo_oficial 😁

user6 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: screaming crying throwing up

taylorswift replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: You better treat my best dancer right Alonso!🤍

fernandoalo_oficial of course ma'am! 🫡

user7 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: So cute!!😍

messages between Y/N and Fernando

fernandoalo_oficial posted on instagram

liked by maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri, f1, yourusername and 601,239 others

tagged: yourusername

fernandoalo_oficial All these people think love's for show but I would die for you in secret... #swiftie

view all 6,022 comments

yourusername I'd just like to make it clear to everybody that it's me who made him be swiftie... you're welcome💋

liked by the author

user1 OMG THE LYRICS FROM PEACE BY TAYLOR

carmenmmundt Y/N is so pretty!😍

yourusername ohh carmen ilysm you're even prettier🥹

user2 No way Fernando just really har launched his gf😭

f1 We smell a new wag!

user4 LOL you're kinda late for that admin xd

user5 Congrats and wish you well world champ!💪

user6 can we talk about how gorgeous she is???

lilymhe double date when honey?

yourusername anytime babeee!!!

fernandoalo_oficial why do I have a feeling me and alex_albon will be third-wheeling on you two?🤨

alex_albon you'll eventually get used to third-wheeling your own girlfriend and her friends, trust me fernando...🤠

user7 This girl is like a goddess, I can't even blame him ❤️🔥

user8 mommy & daddy

georgerussell63 Finally! Congratulation on the hard launch mate👍

fernandoalo_oficial and look who's original with emojis now...😂

user9 from now on this is my fav couple

user10 mine to

user11 SHUT UP THE DELULU GIRLIES ON TWITTER WERE RIGHT

lance_stroll 💚💚

user12 nah I don't know what he see in her🙄

user13 Go away we don't want the jealous haters here 🥱

kellypiquet Welcome to the F1 family yourusername!🤍

yourusername thx!💞

user14 i call this couple goals

user15 I'M SO READY FOR BOYFRIEND MATERIAL ALONSO

user16 I can already feel he'll be so hot in his new era 😩

user17 lmao nando in his swiftie and stlutty era as someone on twitter said😹

yourusername swiftie and slutty era? i like the sound of it😏

user16 not y/n reading all the comments sipping over her bf 💀

liked by yourusername

THE END

Author's Note: Hello everyone, hope you liked it! I'm not sure you should get used to me posting so often, but let's say that after Lance's social media au and the great feedback I had so much motivation... plus I'm sick, so I actually have the time to write and create XD. Anyway, I'll be glad for likes, comments, reblog and every other way of showing support! Have a great day and let me know how you liked Nando and swiftie dancer together!

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2chopsticks2eyes · 11 months

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Don't Play Dumb

2chopsticks2eyes - Masterlist

Pairing: Lee Minho/Lee Know x Han Jisung/Han x Fem Reader

Themes: Shameless smut

Word Count: ~3.3k | AO3

Warnings: Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Alcohol, Cussing, Oral Sex, Hand Jobs, Vaginal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Vaginal Sex

Summary: Minho and Jisung were living their best lives to their gayest potential. Well, at least that's what they thought before you moved in next door...

Author’s Note: This story was inspired by a request from my girl @lyramundana. I had to physically restrain myself from making this, like, 20 pages more than it is just because I told myself this was only going to be a short one-shot to put out there while I write my main stories. 😅

__________________________________________

Jisung always knew he was gay, he was vibing too much babygirl energy to be otherwise. Minho always knew he wasn't attracted to really anyone, however, he always had a thing for a nice set of pecs and a nice, perky ass. That is until he met Jisung and realized his 100% attraction towards the man. And the biggest plus was Jisung had a really nice ass AND pecs. Like. DAMN.

But I digress. Neither believed in love at first sight until they first locked eyes on each other.

That was YEARS ago, and they were still as in love (if not more) as they were before.

But then one hot summer day, you moved into the flat straight across from theirs.

The two were just coming home from a romantic brunch and were already a couple of horny dogs before noon even hit. However, when they saw you struggling to move in by yourself, all it took was one look at each other and they immediately rushed over to help you despite your ramblings that you could do it yourself and weren't some damsel in distress.

They respected that, but still insisted on helping if not to speed up the process so you wouldn't turn into ashes in the summer heat and, if you were being honest with yourself, it sounded particularly preferable. So after brief introductions, the three of you set to work.

So, after these two Greek gods of men finished helping you move everything up, all of you were drenched in sweat from head to toe.

"I'd offer you something to drink, but I think I only have tap water..." You explained meekly, trying not to focus too hard on each drop of sweat that ran down their tanned skin.

They were in a similar situation.

They had watched you lift those heavy boxes like they weighed nothing and they soon found out that you were more than capable to do this yourself. But with the sun blazing and heavy lifting up two flights of stairs, they couldn't help but notice your... attributes.

You had worn just a thin tank top and some breezy shorts due to the weather, and the more sweaty you got, the more they clung to you, and the more the boys couldn't help but have their eyes wander.

They giggled and reject your offer. "Do you want to come and have a drink at our place instead?" Jisung offered sweetly.

"No no no! It's totally fine! I have to start unpacking anyway and, besides, you two have helped me out plenty today..." They couldn't help but notice the blush blooming on your cheeks as you looked down with a small smile, biting your lip to contain your shyness.

Minho wanted to coo at you for being so damned cute, but he was afraid that it would make you uncomfortable, so he refrained.

Once Minho and Jisung returned to their own flat, Jisung turned to Minho. "Okay hyung, I know this is going to sound super weird, but was she not absolutely drop-dead gorgeous or what?!"

"Holy shit, I know right?! Am glad I'm not the only one who noticed!"

"Like, shit, I'd fuck her stupid if I wasn't the gayest bottom bitch there is out there!" They laughed heartily and Minho playfully swat his arm with a loud cackle.

This was why they loved each other so much, they could be completely open and honest with each other and they knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that they’d still live and die for each other.

"Speaking of bottom bitch, I believe we had some plans once we returned home if I'm not mistaken?" Minho gave Jisung a wry smile as he moved closer to place a sweet kiss on the edge of the younger man’s jaw, instantly reminding Jisung how stupidly horny he was.

Instead of answering, Jisung just decided to strip naked and get on all fours for the man right in the middle of their fucking living room carpet.

Weeks went by and, what started as simple greetings as you occasionally passed them coming and going, turned into the three of you spending time at each other's places every week for the designated 'movies and margaritas' nights.

"Okayokayokay, Ji! Truth or dare?" You questioned the round-faced man. After your third round of drinks, you all had foregone your attention to the movie on the screen in favor of playing the classic game for drunks.

"Truth..."

"Don't be such a pussy, Sungie!" Minho complained loudly.

Jisung shoved his face in front of the elder’s line of sight in retaliation. "Get over it! My answer remains the same!"

You giggled wildly even though the situation was not nearly as funny as you thought it was, but they had endeared expressions on their faces as they looked at you cackling like an idiot.

"Okay *ahem* Ji. Have you ever topped Minho?" You knew the question was pretty bold, but you had quickly become extremely familiar with these men. Besides, neither reacted poorly to the personal question.

"Sweetheart, hyung and I have been together for AGES. Do you seriously think we haven't already tried everything in the slutty book?"

"They have one of those?" You asked while giggling into your drink.

"Yeah, we wrote it," Minho smirked and winked at you while you cackled.

"Well, at least now I know that Ji knows how to fuck." You taunted said man with a wicked smile.

"Oh, I can do a lot more than fucking, sweetheart," Jisung said in a sultry tone with a wink thrown at you. This was a common occurrence between you three, they would flirt with you while your heart was being suffocated knowing they were gay.

You visibly shivered with a blush and Minho narrowed his eyes, taking a mental note of it. "Okay, little miss dirty mind, your turn. Truth or dare." You could already see Minho brewing up a storm in his head, but you were never one to back down from a challenge.

"Dare. Hit me with your best shot, pussy cat." You said with a challenging grin on your face.

"Oh no. You shouldn't have said that. Minho's the devil incarnate. He'll seriously fuck you up."

Minho answered his boyfriend with an amused hum. "Hmm, let's see..." He made a show about thinking about what he wanted to say as if he didn't already know. "I dare you..." Both you and Jisung waited with bated breath for the hell that was about to be unleashed. "...to french kiss both me and Sungie."

"WHAT?!" Both you and Jisung exclaimed in tandem.

"You heard me, bitches. You have to kiss these gay boy lips like you mean it, now pay up!"

Jisung breathed out a disbelieving laugh as his slack jaw hinted at a shocked smile. He turned to you to gauge your reaction, only to see that you had completely frozen in place. Their smiles instantly dropped. "Aw shit, I'm sorry, love. I was just teasing. If that makes you uncomfortable I can--"

"No!!" You shouted, covering your mouth immediately afterward. "N-no! A dare's a dare! I'm no pussy..." At least that's what you told yourself.

Internally, your heart was racing at a thousand miles a minute as you scooched closer to Jisung. You took a deep breath and cupped his cheeks, watching his beautiful eyes go wide and his moist, plush lips part. Before you could doubt yourself any further, you dove in and planted your lips on his.

You had instantly melted as Jisung tentatively placed his hands on your waist and you furthered the instructed 'french kiss' by tangling tongues with him.

After a moment, without waiting to check their reactions, you pulled away and lunged at Minho to do the same, drinking in the taste of the alcohol on his lips. When you felt his strong hands smooth over your shirt and around to your back you slightly whimpered.

You flew back while covering your mouth and saw their wide eyes and dumbfounded looks on their faces. "Oh-oh, my god!" You scrambled to stand up. "Shit guys, I'm so sorry. I..." You couldn't stay with the humiliation any longer and, without another word, you fled from the apartment.

Jisung and Minho looked at each other with equally shocked expressions. "Are you as turned on right now as I am?" Jisung said breathily. And Minho just dumbly nodded. "Do you think she would... or would you be down for...?" There was an unspoken question there, but his soulmate already knew.

"Fuck yes." Minho threw himself on his boyfriend like a hungry wolf and proceeded to fuck him over the back of the couch until he came with a cry on his lips.

Okay... they were definitely, infinitesimally homosexual but... they never met someone like you…

Maybe they had some talking to do.

When they knocked on your door unannounced the following evening, you were shocked to say the least. "Minho? Jisung? What are you--?"

“Can we come in?” Jisung cut to the chase rather quickly and you could see the determination in his eyes. You nodded shyly, still not able to get over the fact that you made an ass of yourself the night prior.

As soon as they came in, they bracketed you and you looked up at them like a frightened animal. “G-guys… I-I’m sorry about yesterday… I didn’t mean to and we had a lot to drink and–”

“Do you like us?” Minho cut in this time and you sealed your lips. You felt a shiver run down your spine and, even though you were sure he meant it in a different way, you answered respectfully.

“O-of course I like you guys! We’re friends!” You sounded shocked that they even had to ask.

“No…” Jisung brazenly stepped closer and swept your hair over your shoulder to speak low into your ear. “Do you like like us?”

Minho moved closer on your other side as well, however, he bent down to eye level with you “Don’t play dumb baby girl. Do you have dirty little thoughts about me and Jisungie? Hm?” He tilted his head and you looked like a deer caught in the headlights as they both stared you down. “Do you imagine what it would be like having two men fuck you stupid? Is that why you asked Sungie that question?”

You didn’t know whether to tell the truth or lie out your ass but, eventually, you could only reply with a shy nod directed at your own bare feet, not trusting your mouth to be able to form words.

With your shameful face still directed towards the ground, you peeked up at their expressions. Your eyes widened when you saw identical Cheshire grins on each of their faces. “Well then, I think we should assist her with that. Don’t you think, hyung?”

“I agree wholeheartedly Sungie.”

You whipped your head up and stepped back a hair. “Woah woah woah! No need to stoop to that level, guys! I’m sure I’ll get over it eventually!”

“Well, you see sweetheart, we've been thinking an awful lot about this. Hyung and I are in it for life, but with you…” Jisung said as he stepped an inch closer to you. “You’ve got us questioning what it would be like with a woman.” He gently trailed a finger down your arm, inducing goosebumps that they could blatantly see.

“We want to know what it’s like to make you fall apart. We want to see how to make you scream. Make you beg.” Minho trailed his gaze languidly over your body with each word and you felt like you were being crushed with all the tension in the air.

You involuntarily gasped when you felt Jisung’s soft lips press against your cheek. Soon enough, he was whispering in your ear. “That blush on your cheeks is really pretty, should I deepen it?” You felt the wet heat of his tongue press up against the tender skin under your ear and you quietly whimpered.

“It sounds like you are more than willing to experiment with us, honey. Tell us, baby. Do you want to play with us?” Minho wrapped an arm around your waist and began kissing your neck to drive his intentions forward. Also to inform you that “playing” didn’t mean you’re going to play fucking Jenga or some shit.

Instead of using words, you let your hands do the talking. You tentatively grasped their wrists and slowly led them further into the apartment. You made your answer clear enough when you brought them to your bedroom and turned around to silently face them at the foot of your bed.

Your eyes were glued to the floor and Minho cooed at you. When you looked up, the two gorgeous men were looming over you with hungry eyes. Unable to look directly into their intimidating eyes, you stared at your feet while saying, “I usually use the traffic light system…” You peeked up at them to make sure they understood. “I-is that alright for you guys?”

“Fuck yes…” Jisung said with an airy tone and stepped closer to grab the hem of your shirt. “Can I take this off, sweetheart?” Instead of answering, you removed said item and chucked it across the room, face getting hotter by the second.

“You guys can do whatever you want… I trust you…” You bit your lip but made sure to look them in the eyes as you said this. You wanted to make sure they knew you wanted this.

“You might be regretting saying that later, baby girl.” Minho groaned in a wicked tone.

Before you could prepare yourself, Minho had moved around behind you to hold your arms in place while Jisung stepped in front of you, slowly gliding his fingers over your exposed skin. “Shit, she’s gorgeous. Isn’t she hyung?”

Minho hummed low in his throat and then you suddenly felt his warm tongue glide up the side of your neck. “Tasty too.”

You didn’t know why, but the fact that they were talking about you like you weren’t even there turned you on even more. “Hmmm, where should I start?” Jisung rhetorically asked as he examined your body. Your breathing picked up when you felt his soft hands move up to slide one of your bra straps down. “Here?” You whimpered as his fingers glided over your nipple through the thin fabric.

You heard a chuckle come from beside your head where Minho had begun lazily kissing your neck and shoulder. “I think you have your answer, jagi. Go on, show us what a bottom bitch can do.”

Jisung bit his lip and gasped at his boyfriend’s provocative words, but when he looked back at you, he looked absolutely sinful. “Of course, hyung…”

Jisung was an enigma. He was both equal parts submissive and domineering while Minho was a born and bred master. Created to have both you and Jisung on your knees for him with little to no effort.

They ravaged you properly. They kiss, licked, and sucked on almost every inch of your body except where you were aching the most for them. However, kissing them was almost just as good because those boys had an amazing set of lips on them.

When you all eventually stripped with an insane amount of teasing from them, Minho sat up against the headboard while you faced him on all fours, Jisung just behind you looking at your dripping cunt in awe.

Minho leaned forward to kiss you once more before leaning back and holding his oozing cock in place. “Suck.” He commanded, and you complied eagerly. As you took him in, you heard a low groan in his chest. “Sungie. Show me what you can do to her, yeah? Make her scream on my cock.” Minho said with labored breaths.

You weren’t able to see him, but you felt chills wrack your body when you felt the man behind you blow his hot air on your folds. You whimpered but continued on your mission to suck the life out of the man in front of you. You felt gentle fingers glide through your hair and felt Minho slowly begin to guide your head to bob on his dick.

You had to stifle a moan when you felt Jisung drag his tongue over the entire length of your pussy and then heard the smacking of his lips. “Wow, that’s a lot better than I imagined.” You squeaked when you felt a finger plunge inside you, pumping a few times before pulling it out and holding it up to Minho’s lips. “Hyung, taste her.”

You looked up at him from an awkward angle, not allowing your mouth to release him for a single moment. You whined when you watched his tongue slide over the digit before sucking it into his mouth. “Hmmm such a pretty and tasty girl, aren’t you?”

You felt his hips slightly buck up but you refrained from gagging, instead, doubling your efforts. It was right as he let his head fall back against the headboard that you felt more fingers enter you, thrusting and moving in you at an unforgiving pace until you came violently and unexpectedly.

When you pulled off of Minho’s cock to cry out your ecstasy, they watched you wide-eyed and hungry before you desperately fumbled for the bedside drawer to pull out a couple of condoms. “P-please fuck me… I need you inside me, Ji.”

Both of the men muttered expletives before you wrapped your mouth around Minho again and Jisung hastily opened the condom wrapper. You saw stars when you finally felt him enter you. “F-fuck, hyung…” Jisung whined as he bent over you to kiss him. “She’s so tight…”

“Fuck her real good, jagi. Open her wide for me.”

And without further ado, Jisung did just that. He grasped your hips and roughly slammed his cock inside you until he was whimpering with every breath. When he had fucked you long and proper, you came once again and Jisung was at his breaking point. “F-fuck… can I cum on you, sweet thing?” Jisung asked while smoothing his hand over your dewy back.

You released Minho’s dick, although he was also close, and you replied. “Fuck you guys can cum anywhere you like if you can fuck me this well.”

With an airy chuckle, Minho flipped you over onto your back and hovered over you. He and Jisung had traded spots so now Minho had on a condom, poised at your soaked entrance, while Jisung stood next to the bed with his now bare cock aimed at your face.

They didn’t pause for a single moment, Minho ramming you full force, devouring your neck as you quickly pumped Jisung’s cock in time with his boyfriend's thrusts next to you. It almost felt like fate when all three of you came in tandem and you held your mouth open to catch every drop of seed that Jisung had to offer you.

Then, as if all the life was drained from the room, you all collapsed.

You all laid there in the mess for a moment to catch your breaths before they made a move. They were proper gentlemen, cleaning you and handling you with care as they tucked you in bed. “Guys?” They smiled at you with their full attention.

“What is it, beautiful?” Jisung as he laced his fingers with yours.

“I know we need to talk and all, but can you guys just stay tonight and talk later?” You looked at them with pleading eyes and they smiled in adoration before plunging under the covers on each side of you.

Yeah, Jisung and Minho knew they were gay, but after that day, they could confidently say they weren’t opposed to the opportunity when it was you they were considering…

__________________________________________

If you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading! This is why it takes me so long to write my stories! I always want to make it into a fucking full-length book! Let me know how you liked it!

Please like, follow, and share! Thanks baby stays! 😘

2chopsticks2eyes - Masterlist

989 notes · View notes

afrosimtricsims · 10 months

Text

Car Vibes Poses

5 Blender Poses

You Need:

BMW m2 or Any Car/SUV

Tao Tea or Any Drink

Key Fob Accessory by Seraphim 3D

NOTE: I will try to make an in game version for my in game users, I ran into some issues and it was difficult to find an alternative way to do the poses.

DOWNLOAD (Patreon)

Do NOT Steal/Claim as Your Own!

DO NOT EDIT MY POSES! (You may edit them for RENDERS if there is clipping)

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ms-demeanor · 9 months

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Hello, dumb teeth question. How do you rinse toothpaste out? Like, with water, obviously, but like, the only cup in the bathroom is the one I used when I was a kid that's been collecting dust since then and would be difficult to wash now. I never washed it when I was a kid and ended up rinsing with (and also drinking) mold until my sister noticed and eventually I just stopped using it cause washing it was too much trouble and so I haven't used toothpaste for years. My dentist though said I had to use toothpaste and ig that's why I have cavities now.

Ig most of that's not super important. I don't see how my family is rinsing and at this point I'm too embarrassed to ask. Do I just like collect water in my hands and slurp it up? This is such a dumb question I should just wash the damn cup on a regular basis but it's hard enough for me to brush regularly without having to change my System and I don't see any other containers in the bathroom so like how is my family doing it and if there's just an Easier Way then I'd like to know about it, alternatively I'd like to give my brain a reason to just shut up and start using toothpaste

I don't rinse, and neither should you! You should spit, and whatever toothpaste that remains in your mouth is safe to swallow. Rinsing removes fluoride that protects your teeth after brushing and is not recommended best practice these days. (I was taught rinse-and-spit as a kid and I had to specifically ask for brushing information from my dentist to find out about this)

If you find having a strong minty taste lingering in your mouth unpleasant, look for other toothpaste flavors that aren't as overpowering - there are a lot of options available in fruit flavors. Sometimes I'll drink some water from my water bottle if the toothpaste taste is too much, but I don't intentionally swish and rinse when I do that. Also don't use mouthwash immediately after brushing! It does the same thing and removes the helpful fluoride.

But you should be using a fluoride toothpaste! Tell your brain you've got a good reason and go out and find some fun toothpaste - I just did a quick search and found watermelon, strawberry, coconut ginger, and mango sorbet flavored toothpastes. (I also found cinnamon clove flavored toothpaste and will probably get some of that because I am the opposite of someone who has a problem with mint, I want something even more obnoxious and also I want goth toothpaste)

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milla-frenchy · 8 months

Text

Roads part 5

4k8 | Joel Miller x fem reader Chapt summary: you and Joel finally manage to deal with your mutual feelings Warnings: 18+ mdni. Kinda perv!Joel (panties sniffing, peeping Tom, jerking off in semi public: car at night), alternate POV, masturbation, oral (f/m receiving), cum eating (m/f), dirty talk, nose riding, spitting, chocking, ass play, degradation, praise kink, unprotected piv, creampie, mentions of possessiveness a/n: thank you, always @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog for correcting me ❤️ love you 🫶🫶🫶 Spotify playlist | ao3 | Series masterlist

Masterlist

Part 4

“What the fuck Joel?” Tommy said after Joel opened the door.

Joel looked at him annoyed.

"You really think I haven’t noticed your attitude? And still you won’t talk to me. You're a fucking brick wall. As for her, these last weeks she refused to go out for a drink. Couldn’t meet her before or after work. I had to pound on her door this morning until she finally opened up. She didn't want to tell me anything, she was withdrawn like I'd never seen her before. You know why?"

Joel looked at his brother but didn't respond.

"She didn't want me to know. And she remained evasive, I just managed to get a few sentences out of her. After that she was ready to kick me outta her house"

"Not your damn business. Already told ya"

"Actually it is. She's my best friend. And you're acting like an ass. You don't want to commit, ok? A little late though. But stop being an ass to her. Respect her, talk to her. If you want to end the relationship do it, but stop acting like a fucking brat."

Tommy left, and Joel returned to his couch. Almost two weeks passed since your argument and you haven't had any contact. Several times he wanted to send you a message or come to your house, without ever taking the plunge. The more days passed, the more he lacked courage and the less he knew how to get out of this situation.

He didn't know whether to come back to you and try to fix things or end the relationship completely.

Yet he missed you. A lot. At night, in his bed, he would bury his face in the pillow you had been sleeping on, to smell you. It was barely noticeable now, and he dreamed of ever smelling you again. He had left your things where they were. A toothbrush, hairbrush, shampoo, some clothes including one of his shirts that you sometimes wore, hanging behind the bedroom door. Your bottle of perfume. Sometimes he sprayed it on a cloth to smell it.

The photo of the two of you, in his dining room. Frozen moment where he smiled at the camera while you were kissing him on the cheek. You asked him just before to take a photo, and at the last moment you kissed him. Fleeting stolen moment, of his surprised but so natural smile. Happy. Your cheek, wrinkled, showed your own smile.

Another photo of the two of you, in his room. You took it one morning. He was lying on his stomach, his face turned towards you, his arm resting across your chest. He was sleeping. You were lying on your back, your arm under his neck and your hand resting on his hair. You were looking at the camera. The photo was a little blurry, but showed one of your breasts and your bare skin, his shoulder and part of his back. Naked too.

He had grabbed one of your panties from the laundry basket, and couldn't bring himself to wash them. The faint smell of your pussy didn't linger there for long. More than one night he had smelt it before jerking off, thinking of all the times his tongue was buried in your pussy, or slowly swirled around your clit. Those times he licked his fingers after fingering you because he couldn't get enough of your taste. Those times when he woke you up, his head already between your legs, his tongue on your clit and two fingers in your pussy.

His hand gripped his cock so tightly when he jerked off, that by the time he came he was on the border between pleasure and pain.

He parked a few times not far from your work, to watch you. He parked in an adjacent street of your house, and waited in the morning and evening light, without you being able to see him. He watched you walk, he looked at your hair, your curves. Your face. He was trying to read your thoughts.

He had the chance to see you one evening, through your bedroom window. He started jerking off in his car, until a police car drove by and he had to leave before arousing suspicion. He had finished jerking off at home.

Your absence was unbearable, but he didn't know if he was capable of taking on this relationship without hurting you again. He didn't trust himself, and began to perceive that the reproaches he had addressed to you were in fact aimed at him.

He hesitated for a few moments, his phone in hand. He looked at his lock screen: a dock overlooking a lake, surrounded by a dark forest. The loneliness implied by this image jumped out at him. Did he want this solitude, or did he think he wanted it?

He unlocked his phone and started typing a message.

*************

You were lying on your couch, under your blanket, when you heard the notification.

*Can I come over tonight?*

You dropped your phone on your chest before looking at the ceiling.

You had been waiting for days, hoping that he would contact you.

Those days had passed without you realizing it. You went to work, returned home , and waited until the next day. Without doing anything at home. No laundry, no tidying up, no cleaning. Coffee cups were piling up in the kitchen and on the coffee table. The dishes were lying around in the sink. You couldn't find the motivation to do anything.

You tried to finger yourself once, without success. Unable to make yourself cum, for the first time in a long time. You missed his hands. You missed his cock. You missed him. You ended up crying, seeing your inability to reach orgasm.

You reread his message. You knew he would get the read notification.

You started typing “I don’t want that. Sorry"

Before deleting it and placing your phone back on your chest.

************

Joel stared at his phone since he sent you the message. He saw the checkmark indicating that you received it, then read it. He was waiting for your response, but nothing.

He saw the bubble indicating that you were typing. Then nothing again.

He was starting to worry and tried to push away the urge to go straight to your house. After his previous behavior, he really didn't want to be intrusive, but worry was nagging at him.

He picked up his phone again. Nothing.

He tapped again.

*********

You grabbed your phone when you heard the new notification.

*Please*

Fuck. You didn't expect that. You waited a few minutes and replied *Ok*. Then you looked at the mess in your house and got up from the couch. It was time to tidy up.

When the evening came, everything was put away and you were dressed. Jeans, t-shirt, button-down plaid shirt.

There was a knock on the door and you went to open it.

You held your breath when you saw him. Jeans, black t-shirt. Puppy brown eyes. Fuck. He was gorgeous.

“Hey”

“Hey. Come on in.”

You went to sit on one side of the couch, he sat on the other. An empty place between you two.

You waited for him to speak. His gaze was fixed on his shoes. A few minutes passed before he started " 'm sorry"

You were about to answer when he added in a whisper "I know I already said it. After the pub. I know. I'm a mess. And I don't deserve you" his eyes didn't leave his shoes.

"It's not about whether you deserve me or not, Joel. I’m the one who can judge that. It's about what you want."

He looked at you.

"You. I want you. I wanna be with you. I wanna try again, in a better way, but I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to deal with my emotions. They overwhelm me… they always do. And when it happens, I don't know how to handle them"

You felt your heart tighten. You were dying to hold him close to you. But you couldn't give in to this urge so quickly. Not after your last argument and how you felt since then.

"I was serious Joel. I don’t want a relationship like that, where you’re hurting me"

"I know. I never wanted to, but I know I did. 'm sorry"

He clutched his hands together, barely looking at you.

“Do you trust me Joel?” You asked him

He looked at you and said "totally"

"I never wanted someone else, since we're seeing each other. That includes Stefan.”

His eyebrows furrowed but he lowered them quickly and nodded.

“What happened was a serious warning. And after this, I don’t know if there will be more”

"I know, sweetheart. I know"

You stood up and came to face him. He wrapped his arms around your waist and held his head against your belly. You grabbed his chin and made him look up at you.

“Get up”

You pulled him into your arms, as he buried his face in your neck. He inhaled your scent so hard that you could hear his breathing.

He held you tighter against him. You felt his bulge against your crotch and your desire was overwhelming you.

You took his hand and walked up the stairs. Without stopping, without speaking. You didn’t know if you were making a mistake, and you didn’t want to think about it.

Once in the room, he hugged you and kissed you. So softly and delicately that you felt yourself melting. You missed everything about him so much.

He unbuttoned your shirt, took off your t-shirt, then your bra.

“Lie down, sweetheart”

You lied down as he undressed completely. You looked at his erect cock and felt the wetness in your pussy.

He joined you on the bed and took off your jeans and panties at the same time.

"You're so beautiful, baby"

He settled between your legs, his mouth at your pussy, before brushing your clit with his nose, then your folds. He inhaled you and his cock grew even harder.

"I missed you so much. You have no idea"

Tears were coming to the corner of your eyes but you didn’t want to cry. His words made your heart flutter but you didn’t want to let go emotionally. You quickly wiped your tears with the back of your hand.

He stuck out his tongue, and licked your dripping entrance. He reached into your folds and you were already moaning, forgetting your tears. Your hands tighten in his hair, spreading your thighs as wide as possible.

You pressed your mound against his mouth, as his tongue moved up against your clit.

"Tell me what you want" he said, looking at you.

"Your fingers. Please"

He inserted his middle finger into your soaking pussy and swirled it gently.

“Another one Joel, please”

He added his index finger.

“Oh god,” you said.

His tongue swirled over your clit, and you already felt your pleasure building.

“Fuck me with your fingers, Joel.”

He picked up the pace and turned his fingers towards that sensitive spot.

"I'm gonna… i'm gonna come Joel. I'm… oh… fuck. Joel… i'm gonna…"

Your orgasm swept over you. Devastated you. Like a gigantic wave crushing you.

He came back up to you and kissed you. You were electrified by your taste on his tongue.

He grabbed his cock in his hand and slid it into your entrance, forcing himself not to go any further just yet.

“Joel…,” you mumbled, trying to pull him closer to you to sink deeper.

"Wait a minute, sweetheart. Wait a minute. I wanna… i wanna feel you. I missed you. I just wanna… feel you around my tip. Wanna feel you warmin’ me".

You felt safe, with his arms on either side of your face. You kissed him, slipping your tongue into his mouth and mingling his. Then, you pulled out your tongue to lick his lips. You groaned against his mouth.

He gently grabbed your face in his hands, forcing you to look at him.

"I love you"

Still looking at you, he slowly pushed himself into you, with one push, until he bottomed out. The sensation prevented you from responding even if you had wanted to. He stopped and kissed you, buried in you. He groaned, resisting the urge to move.

"It's so good. You're so good, baby. So good for me. Fuck… 'm gonna fuck you now"

He withdrew almost completely, before thrusting in again. Picking up the pace.

" 'm not gonna last, sweetheart, I'm sorry. It's too good. Missed it too much"

You slipped your index finger into his mouth, which he sucked while looking at you, then you passed your hand between your two bodies before reaching your clit. You rubbed it under your finger gently, until you felt your orgasm approaching.

"Fuck me Joel. Make me come on your cock"

He picked up the pace, pinning you against the bed.

Until you came, and he froze inside you, while you felt his jets of cum shoot deep in your pussy.

He immediately pulled out, settling between your legs to eat you. He ran his tongue over your clit, then into your pussy, licking up everything that came out. As if he wanted to take everything from you, including himself.

“Joel,” you panted “I can’t… too soon…”

He didn't stop, moving from your clit to your entrance and holding you pinned against the bed with his hands on your hips.

You squirmed beneath him. Your orgasm was almost painful. Almost. It floored you, making you cum under his tongue.

He came back to lie down next to you and hugged you. You murmured "I love you too, Joel"

Weeks passed, then months. Sarah had returned twice for a few days.

You and Joel had found a way that worked for both of you. You regularly slept at one or the other's house but kept some moments for yourself.

You meant to delete Stefan from your contacts but didn’t. If you did it, you’d want it to be according to your wishes, not to avoid confrontation.

You had gone on weekends together a few times and you were trying to balance alone time at home, going out as a couple, and going out with Tommy and Maria.

You still talked a lot and you loved his calm side, his quiet strength. You wondered how such a person could have lost control in a snap of his fingers, twice.

He continued to express his possessiveness while fucking you and you loved it.

There had been no other arguments. Nothing that could have caused one, either. You often thought about the difficult times you had, but you tried not to think it could happen again.

You came back from a seminar for which you had been absent for four days, going directly to Joel's house upon your return, as agreed.

You had barely closed the front door when Joel was against you, his hands on every curve of your body, from your cheeks which he had pressed against his palms while kissing you, to your hips.

You told him "wait, let me shower"

He grumbled “don’t care” and picked you up before you wrapped your legs around his hips.

“Joel let me take a shower"

“Already told you no” he growled, before carrying you to his bedroom.

Once there, he leaned you against the wall before leaving kisses from your lips to your neck, passing by your cheeks and the lobes of your ears.

“Missed you way too much baby”, he said between kisses.

Then he released you and quickly took off all your clothes, before telling you to lay down on the bed. Which you did, not taking your eyes off him.

You saw his chest rise to the rhythm of his breathing. He took off his clothes, facing the bed. Once naked, he spat in his hand and started to jerk off slowly while watching you. “Fuck… come here Joel, please”

He shook his head. And you looked at his body, moving from his eyes, his face and his hair, to his broad shoulders, his chest, his waist, his cock, his thighs. You wanted to lick every inch of his body.

He smirked, when your eyes returned to his.

"Touch yourself"

“Joel,” you whined.” I've been touching myself these last days, I want you now"

“What were you thinking about when you touched yourself, naughty girl?”

“Joel…”

“Stop whining. Touch yourself and tell me what you thought about”

You sighed before sliding your middle finger into your wet pussy, then bringing it back up to your clit and twirling it gently under your fingers. Your eyes fixed on Joel who continued to jerk off slowly.

"I thought about you. Your cock. The way you fuck me”

“Which way?”

"Thought about your cock in my mouth, hitting my throat until you came, shooting your cum against it. How I swallowed it all."

You saw him flinch before catching himself "What else?"

You ran your finger through your pussy again to get more moisture before returning to your clit “thought about waking up while you were already fucking me"

”You like that, right? Such a slut”

Your body jerked and your back arched against the bed. You released the pressure on your clit, barely grazing it. You didn't want to cum right away.

“And then?”

“When you fuck me on all fours and put a finger in my ass”

He smirked “What else do you like?”

You picked up the pace on your clit before responding “I love when you eat my ass before fucking it with your big cock"

“Shit, babe… Tell me how it feels”

“I… fuck… I feel full. It’s painful at first while my ass gets used to your cock”

“Fuck… What next?”

“Then” you stopped, positioning your index finger in the exact spot where you knew you would come “ I can’t think anymore. I stay there, ass fucked, and I feel like you’re gonna tear me apart. I feel possessed. Like an animal and… oh fuck…”

“Go ahead baby. Come. Come for me”

You came, your other hand cupping one of your breasts, "good girl, cuming for me when I ask you to" you moaned and felt another spasm, hearing him.

Joel lay down on top of you and pushed his cock in your pussy, bottoming out.

“Oh! Fuck… Joel!”

“Shut up just… just take my fucking cock,” he grabbed your wrists in his hands and pinned them above your head, before pounding you "yeah, just like that" he said.

He knelt down before taking your ankles in his hands and placing them on his shoulders.

His pace was fast, and the position allowed him to fuck you deeply. Your breasts swayed under his rhythm. “That’s it…. take it baby. Take it good. 'm gonna ruin your fuckin pussy tonight”

After a few minutes, he lowered your legs and put them around his hips, spreading your hips as far as he could with his hands. He held your hips and started to rub your clit with his thumb, and resumed an equally brutal pace.

“Fuck… you’re so tight… How many times did you make yourself cum during the seminar?”

“Every night”

“That’s my girl” He slowed down the pace, just long enough to run his saliva over your pussy, and see it slide onto his cock, which he pushed into you immediately.

“Talk to me. Tell me how you feel”

“Can’t… Too much... Too thick... Too rough”

“Too rough huh?”

He pulled out and grabbed you before turning you around.

Barely settled on all fours, he placed his hands on your hips and thrust into you, at a slow but deep pace, before running his saliva onto your ass and pressing his thumb there.

“ that's what you want? My finger in your ass while I fuck you from behind?”

“Yeah,” you moaned.

He picked up the pace until he was pounding you again, the first knuckle of his thumb buried in your ass.

“I want you to cum. Now", he groaned.

You lowered your chest to rest your head on the bed, before sliding your hand against your pussy. Instead of rubbing your clit, you reached his balls, and rolled them under your fingers.

He growled before grabbing you under the breasts and pulling you up, your back against his chest. With his other hand, he slid down to your clit.

“Missed my balls, too?”

You nodded.

”Such a whore. Come on, come on my cock. You can do it, baby. I wanna feel you squeezin’ me”

Your orgasm came fast, and he bit your earlobe as his movements became even faster, until he came deep inside your pussy.

You collapsed onto the bed, his hands still on your hips to stay inside you.

“God I missed you baby” he said.

One evening at Joel's house, you were sitting on the couch reading, your legs tucked under you, and Joel was working on small wooden sculptures on the dining room table.

You asked him “why do you think we mostly fuck rough?”

“Does it bother you?”

"No no, not at all. It's just that I'm wondering. We both want it, but why so?"

"I think... part of the answer has to do with the fact that I... want you. Really. Physically. I want you to be mine, it makes me an animal, I want to protect you, to touch you, have you. Completely, even if it's in vain. So each time I try to have you again. And we found each other well, because I think… you want to be protected, and possessed. By me. I think you want to be mine. Truly and deeply"

You were left speechless, to the point that he spoke again slowly, "did I say something I shouldn't? Am I wrong?"

“Fuck, no. I think uh… I think you’re right"

“Ok, and what do you think about that?”

“I think I want you to fuck me rough,” you both laughed.

You thought about what he just said, your hand over your mouth, looking at him, before finally launching yourself "I have... this need. In me. Like a void that wants to be filled. Not all the time. But when you are near me... it often tightens inside me, physically. My thighs tighten and... my pussy clenches. I don't even know if I can control it, and I think I don't want to. When you're near me, I have this basic need and I like to feel it. But it scares me too"

"Why?"

"I've never felt that. I don't like being dependent, in general. And I've never felt so strong and so weak at the same time"

His brows furrowed "What do you mean weak? I don't want you to feel weak"

"Shit...I can't believe I'm gonna say that. It reminds me that I'm a woman. A female, in the pure animal definition. I need to be fucked. When you're inside me, especially when you wrap your arms around me, it's like nothing could happen to me. Because you are here, you protect me. It's a very primal feeling"

“And you said you felt strong at the same time?”

"Yes, it's quite strange to feel these two opposing sensations, but when I'm with you I have the impression of having an immense power. In general and... over you"

He smiled, like he knew exactly what you were talking about "How so?"

"I feel deep down that I'm controlling you, sexually. It's terrible to say, I'm sorry, it's not a nice thing to say. But deep down, I feel like I'm controlling you. It's hard to explain"

“No, I see very well what you’re talking about"

"Really?"

"I realized it the night of the altercation at the pub. The way you turned the situation into a game, after assessing my state of mind. You were scrutinizing me. There I realized that since the beginning, you took me wherever you wanted, and not the other way around. Physically, you control me"

"Yet, when we fuck, you often seem in charge"

"I want to have you so bad, I would do anything for it. I feel so possessive and jealous" he raised his hands in apologetic gesture before adding "I know, I know, I have to keep working on it. And I do, I swear. But my deep nature, with you, is very primary. Possession, protection. It translates sexually, but according to your limits. I want you to be happy, I want to see you smile. I want to make you come. And I want my cock to be as thick, as big as possible, so that you feel me completely. So that I can answer your needs. So that I can fill you. When I'm inside you, no one can touch you. Your eyes are on me, I want them to be. I want to have my cock in your mouth, because you don't think about anyone else when you suck me"

You smiled.

“When I am dominant with you, I forget my doubts, and I respond to your needs, I believe. And it happens naturally”

You nodded before saying "wow, if I had known I would have asked this question sooner"

“Now I want you to get undress, Joel, and come lie on the couch"

He looked at you and undressed completely before settling on the couch. You took off your dress, bra and panties.

You settled between his legs and ran your tongue from his balls to the base of his cock. Then you told him “now i’m gonna ride that nose baby, and you’re gonna make me come in your mouth”

He nodded, and you straddled his face, your pussy level with his mouth. You lowered yourself until his tongue touched your pussy. He kept his tongue erect, and you continued to go down slowly as if you were impaling yourself on it. You tilted your pelvis so that his nose was rubbing against your clit and you began to grind your pussy against him. He groaned and closed his eyes, but you said “look at me when I’m fucking myself on your face”. He opened his eyes.

“Good boy,” you said, staring at him, and you heard him groan in the folds of your pussy at these words.

“Come on Joel. Make me fuckin come”

He grabbed your thighs in his hands and pulled you towards him, his tongue pushing as deep into your pussy as possible.

“Fuck…”

“Use my nose. Use my fuckin nose to come” he said

His words eventually made you cum, your hand clenched in his curls as you continued to grind against him until your spasms stopped.

You got off the couch, and Joel said “On your knees baby. Won’t be long”

You knelt down as he stood up. He took his hard cock in his hand and moved closer, before wrapping your hair in his fist.

“Open, tongue out”

You stuck out your tongue and he slapped your cheeck with his cock. Once. You waited, tongue still hanging out.

He put the tip of his cock on it and started jerking off

“Fuck baby…i’m gonna shoot my load all over your face”

He leaned down slightly before spitting on his cock, watching as the saliva ran down your tongue. You moaned.

“don’t move”

He began to slide his cock over your tongue, gently. You parted your lips further so he could continue filling your mouth, until he hit the back of your throat. You gasped but didn’t pull away.

“Good girl, takin’ me so well in her mouth”

He pulled back, returning to rest his tip on your tongue, before sliding it all the way in again. When he slammed against your throat, he held you against him with his fist.

“Breathe, baby”

Then he released his grip and withdrew.

“‘m gonna paint your face, baby. Keep your mouth open"

He jerked off quickly, his fist still clenched in your hair, keeping your face close to his cock.

“Such a slut, waiting for my load”

You blinked to show him your acquiescence.

He picked up the pace of his wrist and you closed your eyes just before the first jets of hot cum shot onto your face, then he shoved his cock quickly into your mouth for the final spurts.

“Swallow, swallow it all,” he said, even though he had not yet emptied his balls completely yet. You took his cock in your hand and put it into your mouth to suck every last drop of him, while what he had sent to your face flowed down your cheeks.

You then pulled away, he helped you get up and he wiped your face with his t-shirt.

"Fuckin animals,” he said, and you both laughed.

Part 6

********************** Thank you for reading 🙏 Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated ❤️

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misc-obeyme · 5 months

Note

hihi i randomly got struck with the thought of Solomon accidentally making MC immortal like him

Like I can't remember where it was said that he accidentally cooked something, or made a drink to make himself immortal and hasn't been able to recreate it. And one day he recreates it on accident without realizing, and MC consumes it for whatever reason

Just the years passing by and MC not aging, they look the same after 50 years, and no one knows how it happened. Or maybe none of the brothers notice because time passes so differently, or they don't want to jinx it/get their hopes up? It takes a family member of MC to comment for anyone to start questioning what happened

Alternatively: it could be intentional. Who knows. That's why he always wants to share his cooking

I'M SORRY I RAMBLED I JUST HAD TO SHARE THIS WITH SOMEONE AJSJDJ

Dearest anon, you need never apologize for rambling. This here is the blog of a never ending rambler, and such activities are thoroughly encouraged!

Anyway, I LOVE this idea. I have a lot of feelings about Solomon and his immortality. The game is always vague about how it happened when it comes up, but the general idea I've always had was that it happened by accident. (Whether or not this is true is up for debate, I think, and they could have plans to retcon this in nb, but for now let's go with it.)

It's a really cute idea that he keeps sharing his food with MC in the hopes that it'll make them immortal. I think Solomon might feel guilty if he did it on accident and therefore MC didn't have a choice in the matter. I think being immortal has caused him a lot of loneliness and suffering, so he would want to make sure it's what MC wants.

But MC wouldn't deal with immortality the same way Solomon had to because they would have him. There would be two immortal humans instead of just one on his own. So I think he'd accept it if MC wanted to be immortal. Like if MC was just like hey you know, I think I'd like to be immortal...

Well now Solomon's thinking about it. And if Solomon's food is so terrible because he's constantly pouring magic into it without realizing, who's to say he doesn't accidentally put magic into something he's cooking that would make MC immortal?

He's just in the kitchen, being his usual chaotic self, accidentally makes some basic dish that's full of magic and when MC eats it, poof!

It tastes totally normal and nothing dramatic happens to indicate it caused anything. When MC eats it, they're actually pleasantly surprised and proud of Solomon because wow he made something edible for once! Good job!!

Fifty years later, their aging sibling is like how the hell are you so young looking still??

MC calls Solomon like uhhhh so I think I might be immortal...

Solomon's just like huh you don't say? That's crazy, MC.

Because at that point, he's already figured out what happened. And since MC said they wanted to be immortal... and secretly this is what he wants too... well, he's not gonna say anything about, why would he?

Menace sorcerer.

I love him so much.

#honestly he's so silly #he could make me immortal any day #obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me solomon #anon asks #misc answers

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tethered-heartstrings · 9 months

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I know that was a joke post but now I am genuinely curious what Hannibal would want (and be allowed) to have as his last meal.

let me start off by saying this started one place and took a huge turn (sorry) but... this got me thinking. my assumption is he was tried in maryland. maryland abolished the death penalty in 2013, but if he was tried under federal and not state, death penalty is still technically on the table in all 50 states.

unlike other states, maryland does not offer a special last meal to those about to be executed, and they are offered whatever is on the menu at the prison they are residing. i don't think that if he was charged federally it would have necessarily changed his food situation.

given that hannibal was held at bshci, he probably would have had whatever they were serving that day. we saw in s2 with will that it wasn't anything particularly exciting. canned/processed/boxed food. the more gourmet meals he got while imprisoned were definitely due to a special deal he had with alana. it's not directly specified in the show to my knowledge, but pretty sure he got special privileges for helping her and margot. but also if it means hearing him complain less, all the better.

that being said, there is a chance alana would break the maryland tradition and actually offer him a special meal. most requests deny alcohol or tobacco, but again, we're humoring a special meal.

now for the fun part. obviously hannibal wouldn't be given human meat. some inmates in other states asked not only for a meal but to share the meal with someone. and i think hannibal would definitely request to have a last meal with will since the last meal they had together (at least on screen) was the meal before mizumono.

and i think it would be well within the realm for hannibal to want to recreate this meal, maybe even going so far as to ask to make it himself. +/- if alana would allow for that, maybe if everything was precut and he wasn't near anything sharp. if he wanted will to share the meal with him, i'd be curious to see what will would do. he'd know hannibal was on death row, it'd be all over the news, jack would tell him, etc. and i think he would seek out the result of hannibal's trial if he was not sitting in the room as he was sentenced. knowing he indirectly put him there, and i'd place bets on him opening that hand written letter asking for his company one last time and he'd go to see hannibal and share that meal with him. to dine one last time together.

and i wonder how each of them would see it. will never answering if he wanted a sacrifice, yet one now sat across from him. how during the mizumono meal, will said "that'd make this our last supper" to which hannibal responds "of this life" which now truly is the last meal of this life, of hannibal's life. maybe for will, too, in a way. for how good could food taste or sate knowing your conjoined, blurred half is about to die, and that nagging guilt in your chest that it's your fault. and the question of if they could survive separation. and maybe the question was more up in the air when it was possibly hannibal who had to live without him, but now will is faced with the reality that he has to live without hannibal. and in some alternate life it would have been easier to stay with his wife and never see hannibal, but knowing he was alive was enough, and he'd no longer have that crutch.

but hannibal seeing it as almost a redo for before the slaughter in his kitchen. going back to a moment they had some peace, even if brief, life as he knew it was brief now. but still, someone he loved, the only person he loved, sitting across from him eating and drinking wine together. maybe in silence, i don't know. smiles would be exchanged; hannibal's genuinely happy and will's a bit sad. to be so fully and deeply and intimately seen. now there was no running away together anymore. will would leave and hannibal could only hope will would go to his execution.

and i think will would go. i don't know if it would be a "want" situation, but a "need". to see hannibal lecter taken down almost so effortlessly. the unkillable finally killed. the man he couldn't shoot the two times he had a gun in his face, the man he dropped his gun for and let himself be gutted and held by, the man he pulled a knife on and still couldn't take down. ultimately, in a way, will took him down. hannibal surrendered because will rejected him. will didn't need a weapon, he just needed words and a closed off heart. and within minutes, it'd be over.

but what happens after? the remains of inmates not claimed by family get kept in the prison cemetery. hannibal has no family to claim him, will is the closest to family he has. but what if will claims him, then what? will doesn't know what hannibal's final wishes are; to be cremated, buried? maybe he does know without hannibal having to explicitly say. to eat you like the sacrificial lamb you are.

my guess is a body executed via lethal injection (chosen method for maryland) would not be safe to eat. sodium thiopental is a barbituate like the one used for animal euthanasia, but it isn't the part of the "cocktail" that actually causes death. i know animals euthanized (with a different barbituate) and eaten can kill the animal that eats them, so there is a chance eating hannibal could do the same thing. consuming potassium chloride (the deadly part of the injection) in large quantities can cause a lot of side effects/health detriments and in theory, eating enough can cause cardiac failure, but i don't know the oral bioavailabity in comparison to iv.

as romantic as it seems, i don't think will would eat hannibal knowing it could kill him, and tbh, i don't see hannibal wanting will to knowing his death might be imminent. even if it meant being together in the afterlife, that wasn't how will was going to die. like yeah "death only by my hand" but it's not the same. maybe part of will's punishment is having to stay alive without him. i do think hannibal might if the roles were reversed, though.

if will ended up giving hannibal a graveplot (probably unmarked so it doesn't end up desecrated), or even sprinkling his ashes somewhere, i know will would visit him again. maybe not for awhile, maybe denial or anger, but he would go back. i know hannibal said he could never go back to lithuania, so maybe will takes him there and buries him next to mischa so they can be together, finally and forever. maybe he doesn't take him home, knowing how much hannibal stayed away when he was alive. there are a lot of things will could do, tbh.

#will graham #hannibal lecter #hannibal #hannibal nbc #nbc hannibal #hannibal meta #hannigram #hannigram meta #murder husbands #the curious clown #anonymous #did i accidentally write a mini fic or something jfc #sorry anon...#but i technically answered your question...??#i think will might eat hannibal if he died or was killed outside of prison post fall #but not after imprisonment. bc i think their dynamic is inherently different and they didn't get the same kind of closure as twotl offered #this was such a clusterfuck of just data and info and emotions and meta(?) mixed into it

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lyrichi · 5 months

Text

I know that this account was suppose to turn into a shitpost headcannon account but y'all I fucking love chemistry so much I can't even

Like sometimes I wish that there were fics of MC in obey me verse just doing chemistry with Solomon

For one I'm down bad

And for 2 I LOVE CHEMISTRY 🥺

Like my fucking chem final is in a few hours and we get to make one paper of a cheet sheet

so I fucking crammed last night and did all of the imporntatnt chapter shit from my notes and the textbook

Back to om for a sec tho I'd totally write a fic abt MC just loving chem as much as I do but like idk the chem in devildom is dif for some reason so they have to relearn shit but also teach people human chem

Like bro I love chem sm 😭😭

I already have some ideas about what could be dif between the two realms;

The periodic table could be different because of exposure to different substances and elements, which in turn makes the organisation different

Like the transition metals are larger, the man-made elements don't exist, the F block is way smaller/larger because of the exposure to different substances,

Exposure to elements are higher - for example, exposure and access to elements like Argon and ones w higher atomic masses and such are easier to find and use in experiments

The safety protocols are WAY dif, like in chem classes they don't even have the fuckin lab safety thing doesn't exist (because they're fucking demons) so things are a lot more reckless

Labs tend to be -- bigger? Like more combustion and danger involved, rather than labs that'd be seen in high school chem classes (mixing Calcium Chloride and Magnesium Sulfate for example)

Yeah man idfk I just love chem

---

Ooh here are some little snippets 😍

Solomon and MC get paired together in a chem class with not very many instructions, only being told to make an explosion with the least amount of substances. So what do they do? Pour Lithium into water

At some point after MC decides to really live-in their room in the HoL (cause like really they're sleeping in the fucking hotel guest room) they receive some chemistry equipment from Solomon. One night they don't come down for dinner and one of the bros (you choose who) comes to see what's up and they just find MC hunched over their desk trying to organise substances without cross contaminating anything, which is very hard when most things come looking like cocaine

Alternatively, it's the middle of the day and they're doing some experiment involving having to force copper to oxidize, and somehow they make the air in their room extremely explosive (think that one scene in The Martian book) After realising this, they leave their room and sit outside their door while trying to air out their room. (Fan on high, windows open all the way, door open, etc) They get questioned, yadda yadda yadda, they get banned from doing experiments in the house

Fun one; they make elephant toothpaste for Luke after he asked about what they do

Super fun one; they pull a Nile Red and do some crazy shit like make paint thinner into soda and have one (or more) of the characters drink it and half way through them drinking it MC just goes "it's actually paint thinner"

MC correcting the shit out of a teacher in RAD and somehow ending up teaching the class. Then there's a video found online of MC teaching the class and they become the resident chemistry nerd and get paid to do other people's work (before Lucy shuts it down 🙄)

Yeah uh

I don't know man I wrote like half of this at like 7 in the morning before my chem final and my brain is still on chem

I'm on break now so I can do whatever I want now but yk

---

Oh yeah here are some clarification things for those who have no clue abt terminology 😭

Transition metals are the columns in the periodic table between column 2 and 13, it's the metals like silver, gold, copper, tungsten, etc

The F block is the elements shoved underneath the rest of the table that realistically start in column 2

More for curious people; mixing CaCl2 and MgS gives you a precipitate (solid) and liquid - more specifically MgCl2 and CaS (this is without balancing them)

Lithium explodes in water - don't listen to google when it says to wash it off your hands with water

Oxidizing copper will basically change its color and make it rust

You make elephant toothpaste by mixing dry yeast, warm water, dish soap, and 3% hydrogen peroxide

wooo ok

Yeah that's it idk I love chemistry it's so fun

<3333

aight

If anyone's interested in my chem cram sheet lmkkk <33333

drink your dihydrogen monoxide <3

Edit;

Here's my cram sheets for those who want it

#dude I love chemistry #chemistry #rant post #kind of #anyway #obey me crack #obey me solomon #obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me luke #obey me shitpost

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deepspacedukat · 9 months

Text

An Alternate Selection

Omg, I can't believe the SoC is almost over! I didn't know if I'd make it this far, honestly, so thank you to everyone who stuck around through all my late posts. Day 31 is basically a free space on the prompt list, so after I've posted today's fic and added the link to my SoC Masterlist, I'm going to edit the Day 31 section on the Masterlist to announce what I've selected for the final day! I hope you all enjoy the last two fics from this crazy event!

So, just as a side note, I did a little research, and it turns out that according to Memory Alpha, Tiron is a Serilian. If you want to read about that, I'll link the relevant Memory Alpha page here. Also, yes, Tiron is a creeper, but just like with Tolaris, I felt the need to put him into a situation. So here we go!

Day 30: Thigh Fucking

SoC prompt list here. SoC Masterlist here. Cross-posted to AO3 here.

~*~

Tiron (ST:DS9) x Dabo Girl!Reader

[A/N: This is smut, so 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI!!!]

Warnings: Interspecies sex, Serilian/Human sex, sex work, referenced holosuite sex, begging, thigh fucking, biting, corruption kink, implied oral sex (male receiving), Tiron is still a creep but at least it's not toward Kira this time.

~*~

"A glass of Andorian ale," Tiron ordered as he straightened his sleeve and leaned against the bar. He hadn't been so disappointed with a holosuite program in years. Ah well. At least he had enough money to do something about it.

After expressing his displeasure to Quark over the program he'd just been forced to endure for an agonizing ten minutes, the Serilian had an idea of exactly what he wanted.

"What I want is not in your catalogue," he said leaning a little closer to keep their conversation as private as possible.

"Well, tell me what it is, and I'll order it for you," Quark murmured, trying to sound reassuring. "It may take some time, but if it exists, I'll get it."

"That's just the point, Quark. The program I want doesn't exist," Tiron muttered, and he offered the Ferengi a pretty serious amount of latinum for his custom program commission. He noted some fear, though, when he mentioned his interest in Major Kira playing a central part. "Can you do it?"

"...I'll look into the logistics of creating such a program, but in the meantime, I think you'll find that our in-house amenities are more than adequate to meet your...discerning tastes," the bartender said before snapping his fingers. Glidia, one of the Dabo girls, made her way to Tiron's side, and he scoffed. "Something wrong?"

"You think this woman can–" The Serilian broke off as he let his eyes wander the room and spotted someone he'd never seen before. Tiron barely noticed as Quark followed his customer's gaze and waved Glidia away.

"She's one of mine, as well. She started last week, and she's...quite skilled in pleasure for a Human," the Ferengi muttered, and Tiron swallowed as he observed the scantily-clad woman carrying a drink tray. He'd never been with one of her species before. Exploring their differences would certainly be an intriguing experience. "Would you like an introduction?"

Without tearing his eyes from the woman, Tiron tossed the latinum he'd offered earlier unceremoniously onto the bar.

"How long will that buy me?"

"A full night and morning."

"Excellent. Have her meet me in the holosuite I rented. Make the setting...interesting." Tiron smoothed his jacket and strode toward the stairs with his drink.

He'd needed to readjust himself in his pants several times to stay comfortable while he waited in the plush, palace bedroom that Quark had conjured for their use. When the door finally slid open, he had to make use of every shred of restraint left in him.

She was even more stunning in this light than she had been down in the bar. The nearly-transparent fabric of her flowing, smoke-like dress preserved only the smallest shreds of her modesty.

And yet...there was a quality in her wide eyes that made Tiron feel more like an animal on the prowl than he had in years. He could see why she'd been hired. There was an air of innocence about her that not even her risqué outfit could dispel.

The Serilian took great pride in the sounds he was able to coax from her as the night wore on. He'd started slow. Of course he had! Watching the slow decline of morals and dignity and the gentle transformation from chaste to depraved was half the fun of a seduction like this.

After all the foreplay he could stomach, he tossed her on the bed, grasped the bodice of her dress, and tore it straight down the center. She could afford another. He'd make sure of it. Tiron left the shredded garment on her torso as he positioned himself between her legs.

"Please...sir, please..." She begged so sweetly for him to fuck her that he nearly spilled before he'd even entered her. Pathetic little thing.

Perfect.

It had been so long since a non-hologram had been this desperate for him to use them. There must be some sort of chemical reaction between their pheromones, because he was beginning to feel frenzied, as well. A deep, burning hunger spread gradually from his chest outward to his extremities, permeating his every cell.

Tiron hadn't expected this level of compatibility between their species. He was even more surprised at his own actions when he lifted her legs, pressed them together, and began rutting between her slick thighs. Grunts and groans poured from him even as he bit at her calf muscles to mark her.

A gush of pleasure erupted from him along with his seed, drawing a shout from his throat and a needy whimper from the whore beneath him. His release spurted across her skin and torn dress to create a debauched sight that satisfied the Serilian more fully than he could have anticipated.

"Tiron...please..." She whispered as he lay down beside her and nipped at her shoulder. "Please, I need to come."

"Now, now, there's no rush. We have all night to play, my dripping little beauty," Tiron crooned as he watched her place a few soft kisses across his ridged chest. "I paid handsomely for your services, and I want to see how good you are with that mouth. Put your lips around my cock. Make me come that way, if you have the skill. Maybe if you're good enough, I'll hire you from Quark permanently."

He'd offer her triple the pay she was receiving at the bar and fuck her until all she knew was his name. That would get Tiron what he wanted.

One way or another, he always got what he wanted.

~*~*~

Taglist:

@akamitrani @android-boyfriends @attention-bajoranworkers @bigblissandlove1 @darkmattervibes @emilie786 @horta-in-charge @live-logs-and-proper @slutty-slutty-vulcans @starrynightgardens @toebeans-mcgee

#deepspacedukat fic #Tiron x Reader

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darkwood-sleddog · 11 months

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Hello, I adopted a senior malamute last October, and this is the first summer I’ve had her, and she’s the first arctic breed dog I’ve had. We had no issues walking a couple miles in the winter (we live in Ohio), but now that it’s summer, she seems to struggle in the heat, so I’ve kept the walks shorter. I’d like her to stay in better shape, especially because her hips aren’t the best, but other than walking at ridiculous hours of the day (summers here are warmer now than when I was a kid), I’d like to find a way to get her more exercise without her having to deal with the heat so much. Also, my house doesn’t have a lot of floor space, and she doesn’t really play with toys. Also, also, I’ve found that she’s pretty easy to train, though she gets bored with too much repetition. I was hoping you’d have some ideas or suggestions for us. Thanks!

Ohio isn't that much different than Vermont (having lived in both states). Both have humid summers and cold winters. The not wanting to play with toys and getting bored after repetitions is pretty normal malamute behavior (hello SIGURD). If you do any training sessions indoors (especially when trying to combat heat/need for stimulation) keep things short and fun!

I consider my dogs summer to be their "vacation" from longer, harder working and walking, but they do get exercise most days. While most dogs get their fittest in summer months as their people are able to do things longer, with arctic breeds it's going to be the opposite. Keep walks short and yes, my recommendation would be to walk at those ridiculous times of the day if your dog is really struggling to adjust (early morning is going to be cooler than late evening as it's had all night to cool vs heating up during the day). You can also look for alternative locations to take your pup that might not be as hot, easy to access swimming areas, shaded trails, etc. Honestly, anything to get away from pavement and lack of trees because you would not imagine the difference in heat dirt + trees makes vs asphalt + no trees (usually a 10 degree difference here in VT on the same day). But you should also keep in mind your dog's hips and don't go anywhere she might overstrain herself. Even if you go on a short walk, bring water for your pup. Mine are happy for a drink even less than half a mile out on a hot day (on a dirt road and shaded area even).

Other things to consider:

-has she lost her winter coat? in my experience this makes a MASSIVE difference to an arctic dog's ability to acclimate to summer. Some dogs do not drop their coat on their own like it should (often time spayed females and dogs with the long coat gene), and may need extra help achieving this through grooming.

-because my dogs have less activity in the summer months i reduce their caloric intake, this also keeps them cooler as they aren't burning through calories, but please talk to your vet before doing any caloric reductions, especially with an older dog. My reductions are only ever enough to maintain body weight with reduced activity and/or drop any unwanted weight that accumulates post sled/winter season.

Also if it is super hot it is 100% okay to give your dog a day off from activity besides potty breaks. Mine are useless rugs when it gets above certain temperatures and would be very uncomfortable if forced to participate in activity. If she needs stimulation on hot days i'd reserve lots of brain games and indoor training specifically for these days.

#dogblr #faq #alaskan malamute #i realize that walking at inopportune times may not be exactly what you want to hear but....its what i do #i also have a dog treadmill but its not something everybody can get #and i certainly got by without it so i don't like making my summer advice about buying ridiculously priced dog treadmills #even though that is essentially what i did #many ways to manage summer #my 6 year old dogs who are still very active and joyful workers #will happily take days off at a time when weather is super hot #that's not necessarily a thing we can do with slash however #and he's also a little glutton that puts weight on just by looking at it so i feel your pain

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musette22 · 10 months

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I remember you mentioning you run? Do you have any advice for a beginner?

That's right! I'm not a long distance runner or anything, I just do one 10k (or two 5ks) a week, these days. As for advice, here's a few things that I think are important, but I'm not an expert so make sure to do your own research too!

Discipline/building a routine. One of the most common stumbling blocks I hear about from people who want to start getting into running is that they don't run regularly enough, which means it's hard to build stamina, which means it's going to suck for a lot longer. Running does suck a bit in the beginning, unfortunately. I kind of felt like I was going to die for the first few weeks, but it does get easier! As long as you run reglularly enough to build stamina, that is. Ideally I'd say twice, but at least once a week should help you get into it!

Stretching. Stretching before and after a run is definitely adviseable, although I have to admit I don't really stretch beforehand anymore these days. Definitely afterwards though, and make sure you drink lots and eat something to help your body recover.

Good shoes. It really is worth investing in a decent pair of running shoes. They make exercise easier, and help you prevent injury. They're not cheep, but they are pretty much the only gear you really need for running so if you can, get some decent ones.

Music. Running without music is impossible for me. Running can be monotonous, so music gives you something to focus on that isn't how long you still have to go or how much your knee hurts etc. and if you make a good, upbeat playlist, it also works really well as a motivator!

Then some advice that I know is good advice but I personally haven't followed because I'm extremely stubborn and a bit of a dumbass:

Start by alternating running and walking. A few minutes of running followed by a few minutes of walking, and then more running etc. It puts less strain on your body (which isn't really used to the motion and impact of running yet) and will help you prevent injuries. It's tempting to just go hard until you fall over, but it'll either give you injuries or make it harder for your body to recover, which means it'll take longer before you can go running again. That's what I did, but yeah, don't do that.

Don't run during the hottest time of day (especially in summer, of course). Try to either run in the mornings or evenings, when it's a little cooler out. It's easy to get overheated while running. I do this a lot and it's no fun.

Take water with you. Especially if you're running longer distances or when it's hot. There are some really handy canisters that are easy to carry when running! I don't do that and it's dumb, so don't be like me.

Alright, that was a lot, but I hope there's some things in here that might be useful for you! Good luck and enjoy!! 😘

#running advice #minnie answers

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auncyen · 28 days

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Ok car accidents I've been in because it's come up recently lol

my dad was stopped at a red light on a rainy day and a guy coming up from behind tried to brake but hydroplaned, managing to push my dad's car into the car in front as well. Why this was stupid driving: you are always always supposed to adjust your driving to account for weather conditions. Posted speed limits are for GOOD DRIVING CONDITIONS. If it's raining you need to start braking sooner and if it's really coming down you just need to slow down, period (because the alternative is hydroplaning when you hit water). Also my dad might be guilty of not giving the car in front of him enough distance. Since I was a kid in the backseat at the time I can't really critique too much on that.

a town I lived in had angled parking on a main street. I was going down the street when a lady decided no she was going to back out right then, never mind looking behind to see if there were cars (I couldn't easily switch lanes to avoid her because THERE WERE CARS. I did brake hoping she'd realize I was there and stop but uh. no she just didn't look and kept backing up into me. This was the accident that totaled my car at the time--it actually was still drivable, but not worth repairing according to insurance.)

JUST RECENTLY BEGINNING OF APRIL me exiting a parking lot going straight. see a minivan up ahead and to the left come to a stop--there's no stop sign, though, no reason for them to stop, and they stay stopped for several seconds, so I thought maybe there was a parking spot there or maybe they were just stopping to handle something in their vehicle since it wasn't too crowded in that part of the parking lot. I'm still just going straight and since they've been stopped this whole time I'm not expecting them to step on the gas RIGHT WHILE I'M PASSING IN FRONT OF THEM. Luckily I'd already mostly passed them so they hit the rear passenger door for only cosmetic damage to the car and not, say, the driver's door, which probably would have still just been cosmetic damage for the car but might've been a little more upsetting for me. This one is still just. Did she step on the gas without even looking up??? What was she doing? Like #2, the car that hit me was much bigger than my vehicle and once again was barely dented in comparison to how my car looked after.

I was not actually in the vehicle for this one, THANKFULLY, but my first car got utterly destroyed one night because I had to park it in the street and some drunk came through, jumped the curb to leave tire marks on the grass behind where my car was parked, and then smashed into my car and pushed it quite a distance into the street, shattering windows and doing pretty bad damage to the rear. Person never was caught and I just had to eat the loss on this one, which sucked a lot at the time, but at least I wasn't in the car for that one because that one probably would have hurt. Stupid driving because. Yeah given the path they left on the grass the consensus was "clearly intoxicated driver".

Like here's the thing as someone who started as a nervous driver: a lot of the difficulty of driving is just getting used to the motions and learning how to coordinate, say, looking for a street sign because you're in a new area while still paying attention to cars around you. After a certain amount of practice though that gets easy. Then the tricky part is that it's so easy because you do it so often that people just drive without thinking and certainly not thinking about "hey these are bad weather conditions, I'm going to need more distance if I have to brake suddenly" "I've had a bit to drink so maybe I shouldn't drive" "I need to remember to always look where I am going because I am driving a vehicle that weighs thousands of pounds." Why would they think about it??? Driving is easy!

And that's when stupid accidents happen.

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furiousgoldfish · 1 year

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Hi, general TW for physical abuse, mental/emotional abuse, sexual abuse, mental health topics (just to be safe). Apologies for the length.

(i sent this twice in case the first one didn't go through, I know sometimes long asks disappear in the system. If you got two please ignore this one, thank you for understanding)

This is.. going to be odd but I'm the person that sent the ask about learning how to be more like a typical human after being semi-feral? you asked a few questions and I can answer them, and maybe get some advice too on it as well. Sorry if this is disjointed, I'm in a bad head space right now but I haven't seen your inbox open in a while so I wanted to answer you while I could.

You asked me about how I survived. And honestly it was mostly because I didn't have an alternative. For physical abuse, I developed a high pain tolerance and don't much have the ability to cry or react to pain. I genuinely don't understand why people describe certain things as being painful, I can handle punches, cuts, etc without reacting.

For starvation my body has stopped reacting to hunger. I haven't felt hunger in many many years, and even then it was a rare occurrence. While it's most likely that I have stunted physical growth because of malnutrition, I can go days without eating without feeling any negative side effects. This is similar with water as well. I can go over a day or two without water and still be okay, actually most of my childhood I drank some water in the morning and then didn't drink anything until 5pm.

As for everything else, I wasn't really allowed to express emotions growing up after my birth parents. While my birth mother would sometimes beat me just to see me cry because she thought it was funny, in the foster home I spent the most time in any reaction from me that wasn't positive or praise was considered problematic. (more about the foster home later)

I'll also add that one of the things that kept me alive, ironically, was the thought of how easy it was to die. The first time I tried killing myself was when I was 5, where I had trained the dog I was living with to lay on a pillow wherever it was put. I'd then lay down and get the dog to lay on that, effectively suffocating me. The dog left after attacking a different kid (who tried killing it) and I was removed after.

My entire childhood I planned my own suicide in all sorts of ways. I've tried stealing and taking pills, I used to keep cups of bleach by my bedside to trick myself into drinking it, I tried laying on streets so cars would crush me, all the way to more elaborate plans I won't share. I don't remember when I started self harming, however I always was sneaky about it because I was always under what was called "arm check" watch. So it stuck mostly to things I could get away with.

I, though I don't know why, have an unnaturally high tolerance to medication, drugs, anaesthetics, and alcohol. I need 3 to 4 times the regular dose of medication for it to impact me, I've never been put under anaesthetics because they've never been legally able to give me a high enough dose to knock me out, and though I've been pressured to drink by adults when I was younger I've never gotten drunk, not even when I was a teen and drank a whole 6 pack.

This has stopped me from overdosing many times, because I've reached the point where I've taken enough medication to actually overdose but didn't. Perhaps this is due to overactive survival instincts, perhaps it's a bizarre quirk. Perhaps my birth parents used to drug me and I gained an early life tolerance. But in summary, only the idea that if I were to die it would be under my own terms was what kept me alive. That and spite, and a fear of abandoning any current foster siblings or pets that I protected from foster siblings that tried killing/maiming them.

To answer you about alters, I'm not entirely sure if I have fully formed alters or not? While my dissociation isn't as bad as it was when I was younger (I'd zone out to the point where I was completely gone for hours. No matter what anyone did I wouldn't react at all) and I eventually learned how to at least move and somewhat speak when it happens.

I do have like a co-host? There's two of me inside my head, and majority of my communication in life has been us talking to each other. However I think it's important to mention that when I was 6 there was a shift? I'm unsure how to word it but this is the closest way I can put it: when I was 6 the original person of the body died and left us two behind.

We had completely different interests, reactions to things, thoughts and dreams and everything. It's to the point that I was moved to another foster home because I was no longer the kid the previous foster parents wanted. And it felt like we had to re-learn how everything worked all over again, because I only knew how to survive.

Every few years that "rebirth" cycle happens again, and the two co-hosts seem to shut off for a bit and then turn back on, but when they turn back on we loose sense of "us" and have to relearn a bunch of things. And not just small things, but big things like school concepts, social rules, what is and isn't acceptable to speak about, how to properly move our body, all of that. Everything feels brighter and more real for a week or two after before it goes back to being dull.

But after that we're still like a new duo living in the head and living in this body. We may have different interests and do differently in school, and I have no clue why it happens. If it is all alters, maybe we're stuck in a perpetual loop of being born, barely surviving, and dying over and over again. It's the only way I can keep track of periods of my life, on which 3 or 4 year period certain iterations of us control the body.

I guess this sort of internal cycle also adds to me not feeling like a real person, because I often loose all the person-ness I've gained and have to read-build my illusion of humanness all over again. What comes naturally to me isn't what a human should be like, and it's unsafe for me to ever be me, at the very least until I can someday find a place safe enough to live.

My main reason for learning how to speak, even though it physically hurts me to do so for any length of time, was so I could learn how to beg people not to kill me. As soon as I sensed adult disappointment I would crouch on the ground and cover my head and beg the adult not to kill me, which got me moved from another foster home after the school called the foster parents too many times asking why I did that.

Eventually I learned that doing that would make people more likely to kill me, so my general perspective of the world my entire life has been "everyone in the world belongs on a ranking system of how much power they have over another person. Teachers and parents have the most, while kids older than you will always have more power. I have less ranking than everyone else around me, so any hurt done to me will always be acceptable. If someone kills me it's well within their ranking to do so." I still struggle to not have this outlook, as I'm used to being treated as more of a pet or novelty than a person.

I don't know if that answers your questions, but that's the best I can do. If there's any more questions you have I can try answering them whenever I find your inbox open again.

Here's the more about foster care, and what I have some questions about. I've mentioned this to someone once, and they said it sounded similar to human trafficking? though I consider it normal.

In the one foster home I stayed at, the one I stayed at the longest, was one where every child that went there had a "ranking". For some extra context: every child there was a legal orphan, all through having birth parents so bad they couldn't stay with them.

The ranking system was based on how "adoptable" the child was. For instance, if you did well in school, didn't have attention put on you, stayed quiet and followed chores and "requests" at the foster home, and basically did what you were told you'd keep a good ranking. This also included not reacting to any trauma you have, not mentioning previous parents (foster or birth), and basically being a child that raised themself. HOWEVER it didn't matter what happened at home, just keeping up appearances and not bothering the foster parents.

While at that foster home over the years I had over 8 foster siblings, though only 5 of them stayed for longer than a few months. When I was 6 the boy already living there tried, and likely succeeded at some point, raping me. The only reason why he was ever caught (he was left home alone with me to babysit, despite him being no where near capable of doing so.) was because a new girl (around 8) had moved in and caught him in the act. She had just come from a place where she'd witnessed rape and freaked out enough that they eventually moved the boy.

Even though she saved me then and at times acted like an older sister, she also was... not happy with her life. She tried killing me multiple times, usually through drowning (both when we were left alone and her telling babysitters that I could swim and putting me in situations where I'd nearly drown). She also tried attack me with a knife a few times, however all the cabinets and drawers in the house were locked so it was rare for her to get anything too sharp.

She also had been planning to murder our foster parents and blame me for it, however someone reported her for trying to get a teacher to have sex with her when she was 13 and got sent away. There was another boy that lived there around my age a few years later that also tried killing me multiple times, usually through strangulation, pushing me onto the road, trying to hang me a few times, attacking me with a knife, and in other ways. He was rather sneaky and had been 2 weeks away from being officially adopted by the foster parents before he tried threatening someone on the school bus.

He had threatened people before and had never actually attacked someone at school, but the bus driver had gotten mad enough that he was suspended. Our foster parents only called him "devil child" and terminated the adoption process and sent him away, despite him doing that and worse to me for years at home.

I had a few other foster siblings similar to that, two other ones that showed sexual interest in me. One simply harassed me while the other raped me nightly for years before eventually being sent away because 3 foster kids at once was "too financially difficult" (even though the foster parents were paid to care for all of us, covering school supplies, clothes, and more. The only clothes I got were the clothes of older foster siblings, sometimes even stuff from previous foster kids I'd never met that was kept in garbage bags in the attic).

There's a lot more I could add, like how in that foster home I was often put to work in their construction business, and how the foster mother was grooming me to have a "special" relationship with her, and more, but first I want to talk about the foster home.

So the ranking system was used not only to basically tell us foster kids whether we'd be able to still stay there/not get abandoned again. It was also used to consider how "considerate" our removal would be. If you had a poor ranking you'd get insulted and lose certain privileges, and if it got bad enough the foster parents would refer to the kid as "devil child" (regardless of age).

A "considerate" removal was where a foster kid would be told they'd be removed a few weeks or months in advance, a bad removal was being kicked out suddenly with all the things you were allowed to keep in garbage bags.

Part of the "considerate" removal (and what the person said sounded like "human trafficking") was the videos we had to make. We would make videos about us doing homework, our likes, us doing chores, stuff like that. A sort of general introduction to the kid, and why anyone watching would want to foster/adopt that kid. These videos would show off all the best qualities of a kid, be burned onto a special CD with the kid's legal name on it, and then played to groups of potential foster/adoptive parents.

The foster parents and the potentials would meet in a room and watch the disk, and whoever was interested would stay behind and ask the foster parents more questions. Whoever was the kid that was staying at the foster home the longest would go and act as a sort of "fact checker" of sorts, because "children are worse at lying".

That, after a few years, ended up being me. I've been in many meetings with groups of adults I don't know and asked about how good my foster siblings were, and sometimes even asked which potential foster parents I liked the most, which would get taken into consideration on which potential foster/adoptive parents my foster sibling(s) would go to.

I'll admit to being selfish and not wanting them to leave, even if they had hurt me. It hurt more having to lie about where I was, but it hurt more seeing adults I mildly recognized come to the door and take my foster siblings away. I always tried to get my foster siblings controlled in some way to avoid them having to be removed, which often made them more mad at me and more likely to lash out, but we'd all been abandoned and I didn't want them to be abandoned again. But perhaps they were luckier, because they got to move out.

Those foster parents of that foster home has a copy of every CD made for all the foster kids, though there's a few that didn't get time to make CDs before they were kicked out. It was all through our local child protective services, but I wasn't allowed any internet presence and few photos of me which means there is a possibility that I was kidnapped (or "misplaced") in the system.

Those foster parents were also... not great. It turns out that the foster mother had had her own biological children removed from her decades ago, and they couldn't have biological children of their own. They wanted a child to replace the one they couldn't have, and were cycling through children until they found one easy enough to control (i remind you children all with birth parents abusive enough that we were all declared legal orphans).

I ended up being controllable enough, though that was also because my social worker abandoned me and I had no outside contacts and a panic-attack inducing fear of adults. Eventually they adopted me and changed my name to one of the foster mother's birth child's names. They forbade me from learning anything about my past OTHER than whatever terrible things my birth parents did.

Unless I was physically working for the foster father (construction business he mostly ignored me. By the time I was 7 I was tiling bathroom floors, and by the time I was 9 I had helped (without ladders or any safety measures) put roofing on roofs). He ignores my physical ailments and always changes the topic whenever I mention anything that isn't "positive" or school, so we lack much of an emotional bond. However he also has never hurt me physically, touched me in any way, or purposefully made me cry. He does ignore everything the foster mother did.

The foster mother had wanted a "special" relationship, and I don't know what else to describe it. Once I knew enough language to speak and make up stories she was telling me about her own trauma and the trauma of her self-help-group/clients. (The foster parents didn't want a disabled kid so I was forced to do home schooling over the summers to "make up" for "my defective brain". They weren't trained and it got ugly many many times because of my brain damage and general inhumanness. Due to the treatment of my birth parents I have brain damage that no one ever checked up on.)

I was raised on stories of rape, abuse, murder, and trauma. The only TV I was ever allowed to watch was construction-work related stuff (so I could better help in the business) or shows with murder. The birth mother would pit the other foster kids against me because I got the "special privilege" of being allowed into the foster mother's office (the only time we ever would see her, other than watching tv._

This "special privilege" included her removing her shirts so I could give her back massages (starting when I was 7), and her telling me about her clients/friends. It also included her sharing her delusions in a religious sort of way, and training me to "be more human".

No matter what i did I could never fully please her, because no matter what I do I will never be a real human. I was never allowed therapy and was the closest thing to therapy I've had was those "Special meetings" with the foster mother. And there the core lessons for me was the following:

No matter what I do, I will ALWAYS be worth less than everyone because I am fundamentally inhuman.

Everyone else is always telling the truth compared to me, because I'm fundamentally incapable of experiencing reality.

Everyone plans out their life before they live it. That means that I planned out every single thing that ever happened in my life. That means I wanted every bad thing that happened, and there was no one to blame but me.

That it's not actually that hard to hide a body, and if I try talking to outsiders I'll learn that first hand (this was partially why the foster mother had me watch so many murder and murder mystery shows. It was a reminder of how she could point out all the mistakes the murderers made, AKA how easy it would be for her to kill me and get away with it).

My life is a mistake, something that should have never happened, and if I talked to other people I'd only spread my curse them to be like me.

Never talk about what happens at home. Or your life.

When I was 17 the foster parents moved me to another place in the country where the nearest towns were over an hours drive away and the nearest town with police was 2+hours away. And where the age of adulthood was older than 18, all so I couldn't legally leave them (they have made far far too many stalking, kidnapping, maiming and more threats because they "love me too much to let me go"). And in general keep me as isolated as they could, a thing they've done since I was placed in their care.

There's so much more I could talk about, but this is already far far too long, so I have a few question I hope you could answer?

First, I'd appreciate any reaction or thoughts you could share, I find it helps give me an outside perspective from someone who doesn't think all this to be normal (and therefore more comfortable than the alternative).

Second, would the CDs and method of foster children getting new foster/adoptive parents be considered similar to human trafficking? I really don't think it is, but that comment the person made has stuck with me, and I wanted to get someone else's opinion (it's... not something I can just go and ask someone)/

Third, is it normal for parents (foster, adoptive or otherwise) to want you to raise yourself? I basically was feeding myself (making meals, packing lunches, etc) since I was 7 and helped my foster siblings do so too. I helped do everyone's laundry since I was 6 (my foster siblings and I were so small that just for one basket all three of us would have to grab on and drag it upstairs lol) and have continued to do mine and the foster parents's laundry since. I never got homework help, never did outside activities that would require the foster parents taking me places, I spent all my time in a forest (sometimes camping in it for weekends until I was old enough to be taken seriously if I complained about living conditions (around 13?). etc

Fourth, is it weird that I was required to do so much construction work? I've helped with the demolition and construction of many houses since I was 7-ish, ranging from taking down walls to plumbing to electrical wiring, creating walls, tiling, carpeting, roofing, making decks, etc etc etc. For a few years my bedroom was also used as a tool storage area, with tons of saws, knives, and tools all over the place. The foster mother was well aware of my suicidal tendencies and she would tell me to do it, put my in situations where I could do it, shame me for being "like that", and only cared if it ruined the foster parents' combined reputation.

Fifth, is it wrong for me to be upset at the idea that the only reason why I've ever been considered a wanted child (or wanted in general) is because how my trauma manifested as internal reactions rather than acting out (aka making me more controllable)? I should be happy that I had so many chances at having a family, even if I never stopped feeling like an orphan, right? (sorry, I've been thinking about this a lot for a while. I can't help but feel mad at the friend I have and school peers in the past because they never had to struggle at just the chance for family. They take it for granted. It's unfair.)

Last, does this fall into continued emotional and/or psychological abuse? Compared to my birth parents and other foster parents they seemed amazing to me, however from reading about other people's families I realize that my foster/adoptive parents sound equal or even worse (NOT to make it a competition, I mean "worse" in the sense that I didn't know those things were considered abusive, NOT that other people "have it easy". pain is pain, and no one likes being hurt.)

For instance, for a few months the foster mother was in the hospital and the foster father went to work and then went to the hospital, only coming home to sleep and make sure there was food for us to eat. I thought they were both at the hospital. We had no baby sitters, even though the oldest kid was 8 and the youngest was 5. Or the time that the foster mother threatened to break down my bedroom door and beat me because I was sick and didn't want to go out somewhere that gave me migraines. Or the many times the foster mother would keep insulting and berating me until I cried, but if I ever said anything I was "defending the fact that all I want to do in life is to suffer". Or how much the have laughed at me for trying to explain to them that I need psychological or physical help (the hardest I've ever seen them laugh is when I told them I was suicidal as a kid. They made jokes about me killing myself and how for months after). Or not being allowed water, or having food withheld, or how the foster mother's delusions have grown to the point that for years I've been denied not just the idea that I'm human, but the idea that I'm a living individual.

According to her I'm an extension of herself without autonomy or personhood, no one but her exists, everyone in the world is an illusion, and far far more. Constantly having to not just listen to multiple hour long rants and having to repeat/speak about how right she because she'd remove my access to water or food or online school (this was during the pandemic, which for me was 3 years straight of being in a new place knowing no one and left with 100% of my interaction being her or the foster father. Those years of psychological mind tricks (I have no clue how to explain it, brainwashing is the closest thing but I don't want to say that in case I'm wrong) definitely not done me good.

(That's also ignoring what happened at other foster homes I've lived at. There was a foster father that was... too "loving" towards young children, another who would lock me in a closet if I was in his eyesight too long, and a foster mother that had gotten frustrated at me for only meowing and hissing as I was had been beaten so many times I was afraid to try learning how to speak so she threw me outside to live with the dog. She'd clean me up and say I was telling stories if I said anything about it through my limited language skills, basically just wanted the money).

Apologies for how long this is, I completely understand if it takes you a long time to answer, or if you choose not to answer at all. Thank you for what you do for everyone, and thank you for taking time to answer everyone's stuff. I hope you have a good day and a good life.

Thank you for answering all of the questions and explaining to me how you survived. I appreciate all of the time you spent explaining it, and everything you said makes sense to me. This is going to be a long response as well, so I'll put it under 'read more'.

The way you survived is something I wouldn't even think possible, your entire body has adapted to the point where all of your senses have turned off, almost permanently, in order for life to still be possible. It is scary to know that this can even happen, and I hope dearly that this doesn't mess up your health (and I want to say, quality of life, but, uh.) I am sorry the lack of nutrition stumped your physical growth.

While your endurance over pain, hunger, and resistance to medicine might seem impressive, it is a sign of how harsh and dangerous your environment was, and how far you had to adapt in order to survive. It's understandable that it's very hard for you to relate to other people, when you're adapted for much different circumstances of life.

It's also incredible you managed to survive at all, and it makes sense you were always look for a way out, it would not have been possible to survive what you did, without hoping that you could end it. It is devastating what you felt compelled to do, but I'm going to try and stay collected to answer this, because I don't feel like you're looking for a display of emotions.

What you describe as co-hosts in your head, that definitely sounds like alters, but I've never heard of a case like yours, where they're shutting off, dying, and then regenerating and re-learning everything, in order to survive. Again, it makes sense with your living circumstances, that it has to be like that, anyone would burn out and shut off in any way possible, and you have to go thru that cylce in order to keep being alive. Still, I'm very sorry that you have to suffer thru this, and struggle to keep any personality you develop. It sounds like your personality forming was shattered into pieces, and it might take a long time to start recovering it, if it's even possible (I'm not smart about this, I really can't say.)

It would make sense that it stops you from feeling like a person though. I doubt there's a lot of people you can relate to, or even talk about this.

I said I would stay collected writing this, but when I read that you learned to speak only to beg people not to kill you, that felt like a physical blow. I had to close my laptop and take a few minutes. That proves unimaginable cruelty and life danger from humans that you had to endure, and your instincts had to over-write everything, even pain, in order to give you a slight chance of survival, and I know that this type of danger erases everything, your personality and sense of self, until there's nothing but pure survival instinct and it takes over.

People who called the foster parents asking why you did that, likely also understood what kind of cruelty trauma this implied.

The ranking system you described, it makes sense. It's not supposed to be like this. In a humane world, we do not have a ranking system, we are, in theory, supposed to all be equal, and none of us is supposed to do harm to another, thats the theory that society's foundations are set on. There are laws protecting it, or at least in theory, there are laws protecting people from the greatest harm. However, what you experienced from society was not like that. A lot of society is not like that. There are people who are intent on building a hierarchy everywhere, and they do feel entitled to do harm to anyone they set on a lower level. It happens in systems of corporations, education, economy, government, family, any system where there are people with authority over other people. And you have experienced the absolute worst of the worst of it. So you had to pick up their rules, the rules of those who need this hierarchy in order to get away with hurting others, who feel entitled to it and constantly need victims. Me and most other people are disgusted by it, and a lot of people want to believe that people in authority would not abuse the authority to cause harm, but by vast majority, they do.

The reason why this hierarchy is so prevalent among children, is that children are always the most vulnerable demographic, being small, defenseless, and in complete power and dependency of others. So they are the ones who get hurt first from the hierarchy system, who are most likely to fall victims – and not only that, but children will mimic whatever behaviour is presented to them, so they will mimic the hierarchy as well, and continue building it among themselves. This also means that the bigger, more aggressive and opportunistic children, will abuse smaller, more scared, more vulnerable, and more sensitive non-violent children. It is not how things are supposed to work, all children are supposed to be protected and safe from abuse. But you have lived the reality of it, and you know how the system works. Anyone who wants to do harm, will pick someone who can't fight back, and who will not be believed, and they can do to this individual whatever they want to, leaving this person with trauma to recover for ages. This isn't right, it's not humane, normal, or compatible with human life, it's an evil hierarchy that not all humans subscribe to. But it is, in the systems that people with power abuse, extremely common. And utterly devastating to live thru, as someone with no power over anyone else.

And I know that the rule 'anyone who kills you is well within their ranking to do so' feels incredibly true (I've felt this in my family as well), but it is not. Nobody's ranking gives them an authority to end your life, or to take it from you. Nothing can grant people the right to do this. What they're doing is getting away with it, when they shouldn't, and they have no right. This is people acting out of their right, out of what is normal, allowed, or humane. I know it doesn't sound real when so, so many people have done this to you, have tried to kill you, and acted like it was the most normal thing imaginable. But all of this was wrong. I'm sorry if what I'm writing right now is painful, I'm not sure how much I can say without making it worse – if something I said feels bad, feel free to disregard it completely.

I think the ranking you describe in your foster care is built in an inhumane way. Rewarding children for being extremely convenient, hiding trauma, hiding emotions, obeying and doing work, and punishing them for any actual normal child behaviour, like being openly traumatized, in pain, defiant, acting out, that's not done in child's benefit. Children deserve better than to be suppressed and play pretense in hopes that someone will some day find them worthy of love. It also invites foster parents who only care about 'keeping appearances' and nothing else to benefit from this system. I want to believe there are foster parents who'd want to help a child recover and live a happy life, and not just to have a convenient person who obeys them in the house.

I am so sorry about the amount of sexual violence, murder attempts, and abuse you had suffered in your foster home. I can see you're writing about it as if it's nothing, so I can assume this was very normal and common for you, and not something devastating and life-damaging (you've been thru worse at that point, so it's no surprise that this doesn't come to you as a huge deal). I'm glad you noticed that it is incredibly hypocritical of the foster parents to send that boy away for threatening someone at the bus, when he'd been doing way worse to you for ages – it had only mattered to the parents when someone else was involved, while you were treated as if your experience didn't matter, and he was again, allowed to do anything. This is wrong, and he should have been sent away for hurting you right away.

I can also kind-of, understand that you bonded strongly with your foster siblings, even if they were hurting you or trying to kill you. Your sense of bonding at this point is so strong, because your survival within the community depends on you having someone on your side, at least a little, at least sometimes. And murder attempts are so common for you, it doesn't seem like a deal breaker, what you needed was someone to make life a little more livable, and despite all the harm, your foster siblings still were that for you. So you didn't want them to go away. That is human and normal. We humans will pick abuse and harm over being completely neglected, alone and isolated. I think your reaction was completely understandable.

It is terrifying to find out that foster homes have removals of kids in such brutal and punishing manner. This is cruelty to children, and I didn't know how horrid the reality of it was. I am so sorry that you were forced to live in such a place.

About the human trafficking claim, the thing is that the ranking system they had for you, and the videos, do sound extremely oppressive and messed up, almost like they were training you to be obedient and then creating a catalogue for potential 'owners' to watch. It doesn't sound like something loving parents would want to do when picking out a kid, they'd want to spend time with the kid, get to know them personally, not hear about 'qualities' and watch a video that proves obedience. Coupled with the fact that after you were adopted, you were forced to work from the age of 7, and construction work as well, makes it sounds extremely like human trafficking to me. I mean, it's not a 100%, because I assume even in these circumstances, it's possible for a kid to get adopted without necessarily being put to work for no wage (which is human trafficking, being put in a position where you're forced to work to survive, often in bad conditions and without money, or benefits, you only get your life), but the situation they set up sounds like it was made specifically to attract traffickers – in this case, people who wanted a child laborer, with a promise that the kid would be extremely well behaved, obedient, and would do any work required of them. While for complete diagnosis of human trafficking, the foster home would have to take money from the parents in order to take the kids – and I don't know if this is the case or not, I'm not knowledgeable about how foster systems work, it's possible that the money exchange is secretly taking place, or that the person who set it up this way did it on purpose, and is financially benefitting from kids being given to those who are most likely to use them for free child labour. So what I think is that it definitely does cause human trafficking. It created the perfect setup for it and it attracts people who can pick out who they want for free labour. If anyone reading this knows more about it, or could give a better analysis of this, please do. It does look like trafficking to me. Not even necessarily because of the CD's, more because of the obedience training and hierarchy, but the CD's sound so cold and alarming and not like something genuine adoptive parents would want to experience.

It's alarming to know that your foster parents changed your name, modifying your entire identity, and forbade you from learning a lot about your past. It sounds like they were set on controlling who you are allowed to be, and who they are in the story (it's probable they were trying to build a story of saving you, from your horrible birth parents, they would surely look good in comparison no matter what they did, given how extremely you were abused in the past.)

The fact that you worked construction, without any safety measures, without protection or any regulations or rewards, proves that this labour was extracted from you in return for your life, which is trafficking. Even your physical illnesses and pains were ignored. This is something that would be brutal even to an adult to endure, and is generally considered a cruel and unsurvivable thing to go thru. I can tell that after your past, a person who doesn't physically hurt you or make you cry is a big improvement and gave you a sense of physical safety, even if you were required to constantly offer labour in return for life, at least it wasn't pain, damage, life threats and murder attempts, so it makes perfect sense that this just felt, a little off! It's extremely common for victims of abuse, to continue going thru life while suffering some lesser amounts of abuse and thinking it was nothing, or it's no big deal, because we're so used to horrid treatment, anything better than the worst seems like a walk in the park, and we're just grateful that things aren't worse for us. So your reaction to it is completely logical. It's only in the context of looking at it from the eyes of a not-abused person, that it looks pretty horrifying, having to work construction as a child, with a person who fails to have any bond with you, while having effectively no caretakers, nobody to emotionally rely on, all while just being grateful things aren't worse.

Your foster mother was parentifying you, meaning she wanted you to take care of her, instead of it being the reverse. It's disturbing that they called your brain 'defective', because it's anything but that, your brain is one of the most brilliant masters of survival, you should be given a lot of credit for going thru all of what you did, and ending up this intelligent, coherent, communicative, clear and understanding. I understand you had to become this way out of necessity and because you had no other choice, but I believe you should still be given credit that you did all that, despite how little you had to work with.

It's also disturbing they only allowed you to watch construction and murder, it's like they wanted your entire world to be reduced to working, and knowing that you can be killed at any minute, it's almost like a threat and a blackmail in order to keep you obedient and working at all times – not that they needed to, you were already in so much terror it was unlikely you would disobey.

The 'special privilege' your mother was claiming to give you was really just parentification, possibly emotional incest (asking massages and expecting you to emotionally cater to her needs). It's very likely that she could be narcissistic. The core lessons she taught you were so dehumanizing and put you in a position where you could only have worth as much as you can be of use to her – which is how narcissist view others. This is not normal or common. You were human the entire time, more human than she was.

You are more than capable of experiencing and effectively describing reality, the way you described it here to me is both eloquent and easy to understand, regardless of how horrifying and dark your reality is. You are good at expressing what happened, and at analyzing it as well. So why would she set rules that would blame you for everything bad that ever happened to you, when you had absolutely no control over it? In order to be able to do more bad things to you, and never be held accountable. She also wanted to keep you silent from ever telling on her (if you talk to others you'll spread the curse) and if you are inconvenient or troublesome we can kill you (it's not hard to hide a body). I feel like you already understand that all of the rules are only self-serving for her, and made so that again, she'd have so much power over you, she could get away with anything.

But in reality, all of those core values are bullshit, and only a cruel, inhumane and evil person could ever impose that on a child (or any other person, really).

I know it can feel devastating that even after all that abuse, you ended up in another threatening, dangerous and exploitative situation, but again, this is pretty common for victims of heavy abuse, that we often find ourselves in some other version of abuse, and usually we go bit by bit until we reach a healthier stage. You can move on from this and find a better environment that will value your humanity in a real way. You were never anything other than human, but you were put in a lot of situations that made it hard for you to feel that, or rather, too painful to feel it. It's easier on the heart to believe you do deserve all this, and that you are to blame, rather than to think that you were a helpless, blameless kid subjected to cruelty for no other reason than someone wanted it, and could get away with it.

To answer your questions:

Even though your life is so dark, I find myself relating to the parts of the story, which scares me, but also gives me hope that you can find a way to freedom, even with a situation this dire. I can tell that you're calm and collected thru it all, which I admire, but it also makes me think you are completely numb and dissociated from the pain you're experiencing, so that you could talk coherently and calmly. However, you're asking for an outside perspective of someone who doesn't think it's all normal – while I don't think it's normal at all, I might not be the best outside perspective, since I'm also viewing it from the lens of abuse. I think true outside perspective would be to be completely and utterly horrified, shocked, devastated and shaken by everything you've been thru, which I do feel as well, but I'm not going to be of much help if I give in to feelings.

The CD's themselves, I don't think are a proof of trafficking, though they are weird, cold, and combined with everything else, do play a part in enabling the trafficking. It is good to ask questions, there are people who know and understand far more about human trafficking, and you should keep asking, and pointing out what feels off to you. You did end up in a situation where two people with absolutely no desire to care for a child, have gotten a child who was sure to obey their orders, work for them for free, take care of one of them emotionally, and endure dehumanizing and threatening environment. This is a form of trafficking – and I should say, trafficking doesn't always feel like you're trafficked. It feels like 'this is just what life is and I should be grateful that it's not worse, because I know worse, I could be dying on the street right now, but if I do this I'll be allowed to live'. And I believe that you are in this situation, and it's not your fault, and there's not much you can do about it immediately.

I don't think its normal for any kind of parents to expect you to raise yourself. That is just severe neglect and parentification (expecting the child to act the role of a parent or a caretaker). You should have had meals and clothes provided to you, you should have had actual care and gentleness and opportunity to talk about what happened to you and what is bothering you. And you should have never been give to people who would mess you up even further, do damage to your brain, threaten you or try to convince you that you're not human. You should have gotten help with homework and everything else. You shouldn't have been put in a situation where you're responsible for the care of very young children when you were 6. You should have been taken places and given happy experiences. You should have been given good living conditions and peace of mind. You should have been told that you're a good child, that you're doing well, and that everyone wants you around and is proud of you.

I'm curious about the forest, because I love the forest, does it feel safe for you to be in the nature? I want to be in the forest forever.

4. And your fourth question about the construction work – no, thats trafficking. Your room should not have been used as a storage either. You were used as a free worker and a servant, and not treated as a child there to be cared for and healed from sever trauma. Also your foster mother pushing you to suicide, thats hateful and gross. It should have never happened.

5. It's not wrong for you to be upset. You were wanted as a free worker because they realized it would be easy to threaten you into obedience, and that you're way too scared of adults to ever disobey, or complain about anything. Your trauma put you in a situation where you would once again, be exploited. It's also normal for you to still feel like an orphan, since none of your parents did any caretaking, or took the role of actually parenting you at any point, they did not build a bond with you, they only kept using you, and you had no idea of knowing that this wasn't normal, or that it was neglect and abuse. It's normal to be mad at other people who take their families for granted, when it's something you sacrificed everything for. It really is not fair.

6. You did well to figure out that your foster parenting experience is not normal, that could not have been easy. Compared to your birth parents, I believe, anyone would seem amazing. Just less violence and less murder threats is amazing compared to constant attempts and constant violence. The only way you could have judged them is by comparison, and your birth parents were off the charts, most cruel and vicious beings imaginable. And I appreciate you pointing out that you're not making a competition out of it, it's true, we're not making a competition, but we can say one type of abuse is more life threatening than the other, and that different abuse brings out different kinds of feelings and consequences, and that some types of sever abuse, make other types seem invisible, harmless, no big deal, or even amazing.

What you describe about your mother saying 'all you want to do in life is suffer' and laughing at you for needing psychological and physical help, even when you're suicidal, is once again, hateful and cruel behaviour, and nobody should have done this to you. Accusing you of 'wanting your suffering' is insane. Laughing at a suicidal kid is inhumane. That is not funny, to normal humans it's devastating.

Your mother treating you as an extension of herself sounds a lot like she's trying to achieve enmeshment and engulfed relationship, like what narcissistic mothers do, because she wants you to be bonded to her, but in a way that you care for her, while she doesn't care for you. This isn't fair, and it's not normal. You are not an extension of anyone, you are yourself, and you have the right to do things that benefit you, and only you, and it does not make you selfish. You also have the right to refuse the things that hurt you, and everyone should respect that. Removing access from food, water or online school, is violation of your human rights, and not a punishment that is normal, or legal to use. I am so sorry you were alone with them and brainwashed for so long. I feel that you are so incredibly intelligent that you will see thru it, and I'm sure you're right to say it. Being isolated with people who see nothing human in you, would brainwash anyone.

Again, I am so sorry for what everyone have put you thru, they had no right. The other events you're describing are also horrifying and sound too painful to bear. You were treated worse than people treat animals, and they could have not do any of this to you, and they would have been just fine. It was their choices to do this.

Thank you for reaching out and for answering my questions, I knew it was selfish of me to ask, but I'm glad you got back to me and responded. I hope my answer helps you a bit, and you can keep talking to me if you want to. I'll try to open my inbox sooner this time.

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