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chastiefoul · 9 months

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valentines gone wrong ft. childe, scara, and neuvilette

a/n: yes. you read that right valentines work on september!! this is just something random i wanna write one day when i'm lying down and ofc i can't wait until february next year (also how is it alr almost 2 months since i posted something???) tags: just fluff, light-read, and everything in-between, modern au (?) just don't think too much abt it hehe - summary: it's valentines and of course you have plans to give sweets to your lover. however because one thing and another, you had to entrust it to someone else in hope it will be handed safely to them. what happened when it didn't?

childe

you went home excited, anticipating his reaction to your handmade sweets, however what greets you at the door was a sulky childe, who avoided eye contact as if his life depended on it as he limits himself to a a sentence everytime you ask him something.

“something happened today, babe?” you asked him worriedly, the chocolate was the back of your mind seeing the state of your boyfriend in. “oh something definitely should have happened,” he quipped, his lower mouth sticking out slightly. “that sounds like a dig at me, did i forgot something?” you asked as you follow his gaze to what he thought must be the most interesting flower vase ever. he shrugged, refusing to give you more.

frustrated by his rejection to tell you what’s wrong, you held his face with both of your palm, turning his face to yours. although the move met no resistance, childe still refused to look at you in the eyes and only now his childish grumbles turned into such a sad expression.

“baby? please tell me what i did,” you were gentle with it, rubbing your thumb below his eyes. “...late.”

“what?”

“chocolate. where’s mine? i saw you gave your friends one so i don’t think im crazy to expect one too, especially as your boyfriend.” he pouted and you swore it looked so adorable and so out-of-character of him that you wanted to kiss him—wait.

“huh? but i did give you one!” you claimed, confusion rose inside you. “huh? but i didn’t get it...” childe’s face matched your expression. “well technically i gave it to scara to give it to you.. did he not... give it to you?”

“i wouldn’t be this insufferable if i got one, you know that, but no he didn’t say anything—and also really babe? scara? the guy who hates and made fun of me every chance he got?” he crossed his arm, raising an eyebrow, as he questioned your questionable decision-making. “hey give me a break, i was in a rush there thinking i couldn’t give you the chocolate in time. and he made me say please three times before he said he would consider doing it-oh i see how i was wrong there.” your line of ramble humbled you, the silence was loud.

“maybe he just put it in your bag or something?” you offered. “you really think he’s someone who’d do that?” he asked. “in desperate times i’d give even scara the benefit of the doubt,” you stated, opening childe’s bag. and there it was, put nicely at the very top, your chocolate for your lover.

you smiled, for all the shit-talk scara gave everyone on a daily basis you knew you could count on him. “see? i knew he’s actually a big softie for stuff like this.”

childe practically runs to your side. “my chocolate? aw babe so you really didn’t forget me!” he peppered kisses all over your face, then clasping the sweet to his chest like it’s a new-born baby. “of course i’d never. but maybe next year i’ll just give it directly to you.”

“yeah? please do, today’s event just wasn’t great for my heart.”

neuvilette

“welcome home, dear.” you greeted him cheerily as he just arrived home. it was quite late, and you had entrust the chocolate you were supposed to give to him at a reasonable hour so he could enjoy it instead of giving it to him at home.

he kissed your temple in return, a smile you’re still head over heels for on his lips. but it doesnt quite reach his eyes.

“what’s wrong?” you asked carefully. “nothing is wrong,” he replied, somehow looking nervous. “yet it’s strange for you to be looking so fidgety. tell me?”

“well,” he paused a little, stroking your hair as he pondered the best way to approach the sentence he’s about to say. “i saw you today giving chocolates to navia and wriothesley.. i couldn’t talk to you because i was in a rush to deal with an urgent case,” he said, not looking at you on the eyes. “oh, did that bother you? it’s just they’re such good friends of mine and it’s only friendship cookies-“

“no, dear of course not. i know you’re a loving person who always appreciate those around you, it’s just..”

“just?”

neuvilette looked like he didn’t hear the rest of the words after that you did make some for the white-haired male. a smile bloomed on his face as he shook his head. “no problem i will ask them about it tomorrow. i’m just delighted you kept me in your thoughts.” a gentle expression was loyal on his features. “well of course neuvillete, you hardly ever leave my thoughts, don’t you know?” he chuckled. “i’m familiar with that you see, considering you never leave mine as well.”

the next sentence was almost audible as he spoke. “do i not get one..?” he asked ever so softly sounding a little sad, his calloused hand ran across your arm, tracing along your vein as it touched your fingers and you're sure there's something wrong in your head because all you could think about that second was how adorable the usual charismatic man was being. yet you held your smile.

“of course you do! did it not reach you? i asked the guard in front of your door because i afraid i’d bother you at work hours. sorry neuvilette, i promised i made some for you, and i was so proud of it too...”

scara

“no i’m not.” he said, with the worst frown you’ve seen on him for a while and that’s saying a lot.

“you’re definitely sulking,” you said. “shut up,” he grumbled. “hey i was supposed to be one who’s doing the sulking. we’re nearing the end of the day and you haven’t even mentioned about the chocolate i gave you today!” you retorted out of frustration but most of all confusion because you had no idea what made your lover fall into such a bad mood.

“what.”

“what?”

“say that again,” scara said, “that i gave you chocolate?” you asked. “no you didn’t, you liar!” he complained, his frown deepened if that’s even possible. “wait what? i swear i asked childe to give it to you earlier today! i was ambushed by customers today at the shop so i was scared i couldn’t give it to you on time so i asked him. did it not get to you?” you explained.

“i came home empty-handed didn’t i? also really, that dense fool?” his displeasure was obvious upon the new information you couldn’t help but chuckle slightly. “don’t look so disgusted, he’s not that bad.”

“sure, although you know what’s bad? that i don’t have my chocolates right now.” he crossed his arm, fuming almost looking like a child who got their toys taken. “alright enough of your pouting. we’ll interogate him later. for now, i seem to have leftover ingredients, i’ll make you a new one.” you approached him, combing through the back of his hair as you planted a gentle kiss on his cheek. he replied by pulling you closer as he nuzzled into your neck. “it better be good,” he mumbled.

at the end you didn’t even make it to 5 minutes before scara followed you to the kitchen, insisting that he made it together too because he was ‘watching over you so you don’t mess up’ but personally i think he just felt bad because you need to make a new one and wanted to help you any way he can. that’s something he’d never admit even if there’s a gun pointing at his head, though.

#genshin x reader #genshin scenarios #genshin impact x you #genshin impact x reader #genshin fanfic #genshin x you #genshin fluff #childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #tartaglia x y/n #tartaglia x you #neuvilette x reader #scara x reader #scaramouche x reader #wanderer x reader #wanderer fluff

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frostbite-the-bat · 2 years

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Okay, my brain is still a little scrampled eg :tm: and foggy and I'll have to go to sleep again soon but I want to ramble about this as I think writing it down may help others but also help to ram it in my own head a little bit - so this may not be worded the way id like it to but hopefully the message will still come across

This is about fanwork/headcanons/aus and such - since I am working on quite a big Deltarune AU myself and I constantly worry about it not being "canon" enough, since it is meant to be canon-esk and develop things that the player doesn't see in the game.

But... That is kind of the magic of aus! You can do so much cool stuff with an existing media, potray things your own way, change things to suit your needs or change problematic things, add cool ocs, add cool headcanons and make them canon in the au and create things to support them even more, and other things!!! literally go ham and have fun!!!!!! i am thinking abt that one post that i rbd a while ago that i rbs bc of the last addition abt aus and how people should make oc worlds at that point (and how that is how twilight was created)

And I suppose, if you change canon characters too much and claim them as your ocs (like the fucking mass amount of spamton ex ocs, and we know how i feel about those /neg) but still!! literally just have fun its not harming anyone, only absolutely butthurt negative assholes!!! ive been worrying about changing stuff in **MY** au because one or two people out there may not like it.

if you were in the early bugsnax fandom you may remember the drama about people giving them tails. yes!! people argued abt giving grumpuses tails!! and like !!who cares!! change the designs however the fuck you want! go ham!! make them fluffy! give them cute ears and tails! give them paw pads! give them cool markings! make them in your design and make your version of them truly yours and make it fun to draw! im sure all those designs are lovely and fun and if you wanna do it nothing should fucking stop you

and same goes for me and other ppls hcs!! currently i was worrying about making everything kinda furry-esk in my dpau and all that, and the MASSIVE changes ive done to plugboys and yesmen especially (literally making yesmen snake people for several reasons)

and like!! who cares its not canon!! its MY interpretation!! its MY au!! my au that changes so much stuff and allows me to create an amazing oc story and world within an pre-existing media AND letting those characters interact with canon characters!! and add new stories with canon characters and expand canon species!! literally dont hold yourself back unless it stresses you out and shit! (i need to learn that lol..i add TOO much stuff) its not even canon and i fully know the difference!!!

but literally! its also an outlet for creativity and i think you should be allowed to go ham if you want. if someone tells you to not do something like give grumpuses tails or make the addisons fluffy theyre an asshole.

literally like as long as ur not making the media harmful like add gross shit like p//dophilia, z//philia and whitewash characters or do any other racist digusting shit then i think u should be allowed to have fun! wanna make smthn a furry? go on ahead have fun literally fuck ppl!! who is it harming????????? like! you can also dislike these things! just scroll look away, maybe block which is all fine and healthy you can and should do that! if a hc doesnt match yours and may make you uncomfy literally just ignore it. dont start shit thats pointless. spend ur time better, draw cute puppies instead or smthn!! or speak about it privately bc i think being a bit bitchy with friends is okay to have an outlet but if you go directly after someone literally fuck off. (i personally can confirm theres some things i bitch about a lot but guess what i also do!! i also block those things and look away!! and im actively tryna get better than be hurt over pointless stuff online bc its not smthn im proud of)

but like srsly.. let ppl have fun n shit!!! srsly theres no harm in it fjgirhgotr yall 2 serious

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theradicalace · 4 years

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lowkey still bummed that no one gave a shit abt swapfell green lmao

#ace rambles #i put a lotta work into those character designs only for the au to not really catch at all which is kinda sad #maybe i had that coming when i decided to make Another Variation Of Swapfell when theres already like three #but im still kinda sad about it #i know i never finished it either but honestly it's hard to find the motivation when it's incredibly obvious that only like two people #cared about it in any amount lmao #jesus i swear im not trying to be like bitter or anything obviously no one is obligated to care abt the things i makew #im just kinda bummed that i put all that effort into coming up with designs and working out the logistics only for it to fizzle out #idk i think i kinda gave up a bit when i realized that even when i directly asked ppl to ask me abt it only like two ppl would ever ask #sometimes not even that #and like i dont wanna bug people with it if they're seriously not into it #cause like if it flops it flops you know?#maybe if i came up with the idea back when undertale aus were first getting big it would have taken off #oh well #too late to really do anything about it now #it's been 5 months since i last posted abt it #undertale #swapfell #swapfell green #god just ignore me im rambling abt nothing again

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nastyatticman · 3 years

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If Slashers had horny Tumblrs...

What it says on the tin! HC post for if Jason, Bubba, Brahms, & Billy (Lenz) had their own tumblrs for horny content. (18+ only)

If you like these, feel free to send a request for other characters if you want :D

Contains : adult content, discussions of kink & brief mention of sexual harassment

Jason Voorhees

Very barebones bio that gives some basic info - his age, his gender/pronouns, and a warning this blog contains adult content.

Doesn’t get updated often, and it’s usually all at night. Mostly consists of content he reblogs from different creators (artists/sex workers, etc)

Don’t expect a fancy theme or anything - he only uses his phone for horny content since he shares a computer with his sweet old boomer mom.

A good mix - largely pictures people post of themselves or art he likes. Sometimes he’s in a Mood and reblogs a bunch of very specific kinky posts - text posts with affirmations from doms, risqué art, gif sets of people in gear.

He doesn’t have a huge following or anything, just a handful of mutuals and spam bots he doesn’t clear out frequently. But when he posts anything he thinks could be too intense he makes sure to tag it with warnings, just in case.

Sometimes leaves little compliments for people - he’s usually too shy to message people directly but he’ll reblog their posts and say nice things in the tags. Nothing too forward, usually things like “you look so handsome here!”

Bubba Sawyer

Makes sure not to put any identifying info but he usually puts his age/vague age range (“in my 30s”) because people ask for that.

A collection of stuff he likes, mostly pictures or gifs or the odd video or audio post.

A lot of mostly vanilla content - again, what turns him on, what he can jerk it to easily. Stuff he can focus on when he’s really trying to get off. I feel like he’s more likely to reblog a gif set of people just going at it or pictures of a hot person in lingerie or cute undies than anything with too much of a kink/fetish focus. But not always.

I’m not sure if our Bubba can read/write very well so I can’t see him reblogging or writing long text posts, but there will be a few short ones here and there.

He’s a little too nervous to post intimate pics publicly but I can see him on a very very confident day posting pics of just his hands after seeing people talk abt how they like strong hands.

Again, doesn’t write a lot, so he doesn’t add comments to reblogs or anything

He may leave nice things in tags tho! Like Jason he sometimes leaves little compliments for people whose content he reblogs (ur dress is so pretty!). Sometimes he tags things with certain emojis that seem to have some kind of meaning… a mood he’s in… or maybe they remind him of someone he likes?

Brahms Heelshire

VERY detailed very organized pinned post with info about him including a list of his kinks, and what interactions he wants/doesn��t want. Also, places to send him tribute. Not that he needs the money, of course, but he wouldn’t mind if you got him something off his wishlist. (Wink wink nudge nudge.)

I see him as a switch who leans heavily towards submissive with a bratty streak. However people tend to assume he’s more dominant since he reblogs more dom centered text posts (he’s usually imagining he’s the sub in those scenarios).

Has a decent following since he will periodically produce a lot of original content - mostly text posts, or audio, and the occasional picture where his face is obscured and no naughty bits are showing directly. He errs on the side of caution since he doesn’t want to get struck down by the tumblr nipple police, and also because are you kidding me his family has a reputation to uphold, he can’t afford to get caught

Tumblr is his main horny platform of choice because he finds it easier to organize content he likes into an archive, and there’s more privacy. He tried making an nsfw account on other platforms before, but because of linked accounts and email fuckery he got recommended to follow a family friend and nearly shat himself. (He has a good handle on privacy and he knows that person couldn’t find him - he double checked his privacy settings after that - but it still scared him off that website, at least for that purpose.)

Because he has a decent following he also has a few mutuals he’s messaged periodically. He’s varying degrees of close - some only know him from his posts, some know his main tumblr, some may even be following him on other platforms as “long distance friends”

Every once in a while debates about having his own server for his simps followers, but he’s not sure about using his discord where he keeps in touch with friends/family for it or making a new one. You’re welcome to message him if you’re mutuals or you send him some cash first ❤️

Billy Lenz

What do you mean, “horny on main”? What, like you have an alt?

His blog is like, 98% porn but every once in a while he’ll reblog a non porn post to get into an argument.

“You sure have a lot of opinions on Canadian politics for a hentai blog 🤔”

Mostly an archive of stuff he finds hot at the time, without rhyme or reason - reblogs, links to other websites, etc. mostly chaos, but it seems like every once in a while he tries to have some kind of tagging system.

He sometimes posts original content - sometimes rambling text posts about the kind of sex he wants to have, very rarely pictures of himself. that he deletes immediately after in fear of getting flagged.

When it comes to audio posts… the Moaner lives up to his name. Although he’s not skilled with recording - clearly doing it on his phone - His audios aren’t half bad if you can find them. Usually captioned with something about how he made them or what he was thinking about when he made them.

Let’s be real, canon Billy had like no concept of consent. Or just didn’t care, because he wanted to scare and intimidate people. He’s definitely been blocked by people for sending creepy messages/asks or adding unwanted captions to their posts. When he wants to hit on someone in a way that means they may reciprocate, he’s nicer, but people are still (understandably) put off by him.

At his most polite though, he’d be the type to send an ask to someone saying he hopes they come to Toronto so that he can eat their hot pink cunt and make them cum on his thick tongue and fat, juicy cock. (This is regardless of factors like their actual location, whether or not they have a cunt, or travel guidelines due to the pandemic.)

#slasher fandom #jason voorhees #bubba sawyer #brahms heelshire #billy lenz #slasher imagines #lemon #nsft #noises from the attic #first post like this im nervous #who would u follow tho? i can see myself following brahms tbh #nasty attic originals

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imagineansuta · 3 years

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Hi there!! I'd like a matchup, please<3! I'm quite soft-spoken and shy, but once I get comfortable I'm very talkative and can ramble for hours with extreme passion (I'm always worried that I'm being annoying or talking too much or looking stupid though),, My love languages are physical affection and gift-giving (being 5'0 Exaggerating my height/a little closer to 4'11/roughly 152.2cm exactly, I really really love hugging people taller than me) but since I'm too shy to ask for affection I usually tend to just stick close to people/lightly tug on their sleeves or fiddle with their hands or fall back on giving them interesting little stuff and going 🥺🥺🥺. I'm often tired and definitely need to be coerced into sleeping more, but I'm definitely a night owl that also likes the daytime too much (peak naptime is always early afternoon tho lol). I'm a bit too hardworking to the point where I stress myself out, but I love being spoiled (though I'd never demand that I really want it) anddd my hobbies are reading books (and analyzing literature), admiring art/nature (never been to a museum but I love plays, movies, and watching people sing/dance), and baking (I love sweets!!! baked goods and drinks, especiallyyyy the kinda expensive and fancy kind, but I'm too broke for those usually and go nuts with happiness to be able to have them... I just stick to basic recipes when I'm baking though). I also really love foreign languages (I've been taking French for abt 5yrs), tea, plushies, and art in general (I admire anybody with artistic talents sooo much,, I do poetry some myself but I'm too anxious to share it with a lot of people) and I hate hot weather, being getting angry/yelling at me, bugs (I don't scream but anything bigger than a fly scares me and I wish I had people to kill them for me,,) thanks!!!!

I MATCH YOU WITH...

HIYORI TOMOE!

i do think hiyori would find you so adorable. nothing is more satisfying to him than seeing you breaking out of your shell. when you’re all shy and timid? he thinks it’s super cute, and he doesn’t mind doing all of the talking for you. when you’re loud and excited? you two can spend hours blabbering on, much to jun’s dismay. also, both of you better get real good at begging jun to kill the bugs around you.

my god, he is affectionate. so, so affectionate. even if you don’t initiate it, he’s quite touchy with you, leaning against you or having a hand around your waist. he absolutely insists that you hold hands with him or else he might lose you in the crowds! he’s also a bit (a lot) of a rich kid, so expect luxurious dates and gifts. they’re almost a bit too extra, really, but that just shows how much he loves you! he’s also a big fan of shopping dates and taking you to those fancy overpriced cafes. you know, the ones with the insanely photogenic menu items that people would post onto instagram.

he admires you for working hard, but he’d like it if you weren’t neglecting other aspects of your life for it. you need to pay attention to your hunger, sleeping habits, and of course him. luckily for you, he’s real good at convincing people (whining until you give in)

I COULD ALSO SEE YOU WITH...

TSUKASA SUOU!

tsukasa finds your shyness endearing, and he feels proud once you eventually warm up to him! you can count on him to spoil you, he’s a gentleman after all. at the same time, make sure to spoil him lots too. he’s not a big fan of pda (it’s not proper!), but in private, he’s a lot more willing to cuddle up with you. he’ll do his very best to treat you right, trust me on this.

also, he thinks that your hobbies are super refined and elegant. he’ll research into your interests to initiate discussions about them for sure. plus, it doesn’t help that you’re into baking... he won’t ask for it directly, but make him some homemade sweets and he’ll be the happiest person ever, seriously! dessert dates with him are an absolute must, he’ll be happy to indulge you (and himself) until you’re both sick of sweets.

he’d invite you over for tea and spend hours listening to you talk while you hang out in his garden. do you prefer dates that are a bit more extra? expensive dinners at restaurants that he plans reservations for weeks in advance. either way, he’s eager to please you and reward you for your hard work.

#enstars matchups #ensemble stars matchups #matchups #thank you for the request!!

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tigerdrop · 4 years

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u know u could put out the weirdest most fucked up shit and we would still love it. obviously don't share stuff if it makes u uncomfortable but for every single thing you find embarrassing there's something several times worse

i really hope ur ready to stand by these words b/c im about to tell you about.......showdog dogboy gordon. for five thousand fucking words

look. listen. hear me out. my dear kogo introduced me to an idea and it has not left my mind since: showdog......dogboy......gordon

like.........you know.......its about. dogboy. submitting while benrey dolls him up and makes him look nice. maybe hes been a lot......fuzzier since he got forcibly nintendogged. and maybe benrey cracks a joke about it, maybe the joke gets pulled out a little too far. b/c its the two of them, and thats what they do. its jokes. games. jokes being riffed upon and thinly-veiled dares being issued until gordon freeman finds himself standing awkwardly next to a grooming table in nothing but his underwear while benrey tells him to chill the fuck out. puts that collar on him. after all, he wants to look nice for his friend, right? they say a dog is mans best friend

this definitely would not be the first time a joke or a game went too far and they ended up fucking at the end of it, but this is......this is a whole level beyond. this is definitely, like. theres a Lot going on here. but neither of them are breaking character yet so

and. you know. if youre feeling really insane. like me. if youre feeling just fucking diseased. you can make benrey.......pretty big here. make gordon dogy-sized next to him. not like, tiny, but enough that gordon, ordinarily a Big Guy, feels......small. a little emasculated

and.....yknow. gordon could be collared and chained to the table. like a real dog. not a lot of slack on that thing. and maybe hed be.......muzzled, too. if hes the kind of dogboy that gets snippy at scissors

its really good also for.....benrey being fully clothed and gloved up while gordons almost entirely bare. i know dog groomers dont strictly have to wear gloves. but still. not that it was really going to stop me if he wouldnt actually have a reason to wear gloves. i would make him anyway b/c ive lost all dignity

ITS ABOUT. THE HORNY FUCKING GAME. like they could talk about it if, if they wanted, if they were normal about it, b/c in this scenario they have absolutely fucked it out before (b/c i cant imagine any other fucking way gordon freeman acquiesces to this unless hes Aware that theres gonna be dick touching involved), but they are not normal and they are not going to break kayfabe even if it kills them

and like......i think the muzzle thing is......good. its really really good. b/c benrey can get real fuckin mean and tell him that hes gonna have to be a good boy and keep his teeth to himself if he wants it off so that benrey can make him look less like shit

those new canines of his are awful pointy. is gordon sure he can handle it? can he get a grip on his dogy side for fucking long enough to let benrey take a straight razor to his face? of course he can, he thinks, b/c hes not a fucking dog, okay, hes still a guy, and hes here to prove it and just. behave. while benrey manhandles him and grooms him and brushes out his fur and files his fucking nails. hes not in thrall to his instincts whether they be animalistic or vulgar. and hes definitely not going to cave and ask benrey to touch his fucking dick while he does this

> i enjoy the thought of benrey posing gordon as he pleases but never directly touching him, lifting his leg to get under his upper thigh or stretching the skin of his belly taut as not to nick him. so concentrated on gordon but feigning ignorance to his building arousal, ignoring it

> that art jordan did where gordon is on the table and has the collar on. his chest is shaved into the shape of a heart and that made me so DFUCKING CRAZY I STARTED BARKING AND SNARLING AKLSJAKDJFS

YEAH.....ITS......its shaved into a heart on purpose. and i left that in the first version i posted but nobody said anything about it so i just whistled and walked away

> LIKE. the emasculation of it....the fucking. possesiveness. theres also an undercurrent of like tenderness to it that made me fucking go apeshit

its such a fucking power move too. like. thats not gonna grow out for awhile. every time gordon freeman looks in the mirror for the next few weeks hes gonna be reminded of how fuckin debased he was

just..............consider........the trust hed have to put in benrey for it........benrey holding gordons jaw very firmly in his hand and showing him the straight razor and being like "yo.......uhh......this things sharp. dont wanna make a mess......better, better sit real fuckin still. sit boy. dont move." and sitting rigidly after benrey says something like that while tilting his jaw up to look directly athim is one of the hardest things gordons done in his life. hes sweating and hes making himself dizzy by trying not to breathe too much

he can just......he can see exactly where gordons jugular is fluttering madly under the razor and where gordons adams apple bobs as benrey skims stubble off his throat and rest assured that benrey is getting off on this just as much as gordon is

big......big hands on his face.....turning him every which way.......running his thumb over the clean line of his jaw to feel the results..........i think its just, its a cool scenario. to think about. but instead of this being just a normal "gordon freeman gets shaved" scenario, hes half naked and chained to a table and also has dog ears for some fucking reason

but also this is just like......his face. its the "trimming him everywhere" thats the really fun part

> like...the moving down his body....touching almost clinically by moving part of him around to get everything...yknow....

casual.....clinical.......nervewracking to be on the receiving end of

> thinking about him having to restrain his horny is fun, but it’s especially fun when you think about how he’d spend hours like that, hard and dripping, since friend benrey wants to be so through

> YES CLINICAL, ALMOST INDIFFERENT

fucking. hours. of just laying there anxiously running his mouth and laughing and gasping when benrey moves him like its nothing or touches him somewhere that makes him jump......like.......benrey with something whirring as loudly as those clippers in his hand doesnt exactly inspire confidence......but hes weirdly good at what hes doing and hes got a broad palm flat on gordons stomach to hold him in place/get him to chill out......but it just makes gordon sweat and flush and hes trying so hard to stay still b/c benrey keeps demeaning him when he squirms too much......like, what, is he scared? thinks benreys gonna cut his other arm off with a pair of hair clippers? get real. calm down maybe.

but thats not really the reason why hes acting weirdly ticklish about the whole procedure. (its because of the Scenario, man. gordons trying so hard to be normal in the face of the awareness that this is one of the most insane things hes ever gotten hard for, but we all know how strung out this dude gets at even relatively normal shit. so much so that benrey will just stare at him blankly and ask "uhhh, stop moving please? thank you?" b/c gordons so handsy ordinarily and he keeps trying to move his hands when he talks)

> listen. what if he....absentmindedly like...pet. him. on the stomach. just doing the motion cause it soothes normal dogs so when he feels gordon squirming he strokes heavily down. repetitive...but hes not even focusing on that, hes like intent on getting the part hes trimming just right gordon freezes up and stops breathing for a second to flush all over. benrey’s hand is so hot on his stomach, and he can only focus on how good it feels,

> squirmy because he feels like he’s gonna die if his dick doesn’t get touched and all his instincts are screaming to disobey and hump benrey into the ground (not like he physically can with the restraints but)

eventually benreys gonna have to get down to brass tacks and shave and trim all of him

> and like the whole time. the whole goddamn time gordons just in his boxers absolutely throbbing with it and like. benrey's hand moves to his stomach and like the waistband of his boxers. yeah. all of him.

can you imagine. gordon freeman desperately trying not to be horny while his best friend kneels between his legs and hooks those fingers in his waistband and starts peeling them off and completely fucking failing at it but hes still gotta try, right. whether hes cis or trans this idiot is so horny that his underwear is just. ruined

> i still cant stopr thinking abt. in the pictures you drew jordan. the way benrey is. delicately touching gordons dick/pussy to get a better angle for shaving

Y. YEAH. ITS POTENT. IMO. gordon having to pretend like hes not fucking horny in the slightest while benrey just kind of clinically moves his dick around and laughs at him when it twitches......ITS A LOT.

> the amount of willpower gordon is exercising not to fuck up into benrey’s palm when he’s loosely holding his dick to shave all the hair around it is honestly impressive

hes trying so fucking hard. hes shaking. look at him. tail thumping weakly against the table

just......like......i was thinkin about benrey getting gordon stripped bare while he stammers and rambles because he is so very fucking turned on right now and hes so embarrassed by this that he just stares firmly at the ceiling and humiliates himself ranting about how its a totally normal response and plenty of guys get erections during prostate exams and benrey has no idea what the fuck hes talking about

> this was th. part. ...benrey ignoring his boner and his rambling like "yeah alright. stay still for this part though for real" and gets to work. gordon absolutely mortified but hes breathing real shallow cause he doest want to get nicked here of all places so. and benrey placing a hand on his thigh to push them open further so that he can get a better angle and gordon's leg shakes. its quiet until benrey says to himself "'youre bein still. 's good." and gordon's dick visibly twitches at that and he shuts his eyes quickly and turns his face away. also i was still thinkin,,,,bout how the little praise straight up goes to gordon's head and his tail might also thump a lil faster on the table.

> would benrey notice? probably. maybe not say anything at first but just let a real evil smirk spread on his face, laughing a little. and then say lowly when hes focused on his work, "really like that huh. lil dogboy. you like being good?" and gordon lets out a harsh breath, stomach jumping. doesnt respond but his tail moves even faster. benrey's wrist brushes the head of his dick and he lets out a small sound, which turns strangled then he actually takes his hand and presses his dick to the side so he can get right below his stomach. its detached, hes just holding it pressed to the crease of his hip, but gordon's dick throbs under his palm and dribbles precome against the gloved fingers

> Okay, so, part of the grooming process is, of course, bathing the dog. And luckily, Benrey has a wonderful tool to help him with this. A hand-held shower hose with a lovely little shower head with very nice settings to help our little showdog get... clean.

> Imagine, if you will: Gordon, on all fours and chained up to keep him upright as Benrey slowly, methodically, wets him down. Lathers him up. Works his hands all over his body, from tail tip to the top of his head. Massaging into his belly. Rubbing inside his thighs. Cleaning every part of him. Every part.

> And the shower head occasionally dips down, pulsing, right to a sweet spot between Gordon’s legs, the closest thing he’s got to attention the entire time they’ve been playing this game. He’s so close, so GODDAMN close to getting what he wants, but every time Benrey realizes he’s getting somewhere... ... He moves it. To spray his back. His head. His chest. Anywhere but where Gordon wants it.

> Gordon is shaking. His legs are trembling, the table is wet and slick. He’s having such a hard time staying up on all fours, he’s panting and begging and losing his footing and EVERY TIME he loses his footing, well, the collar and chain choke him and force him right back up. And Benrey is just watching. Grinning.

> Waits for him to get his composure.

> And does it again.

just......like.......jesus. gordon would be. shaking. his whole body. panting like a dog. trying so hard to stay still. but he keeps trying to spread his legs wider when benrey reaches his thighs and he keeps slipping and accidentally choking himself and hes nearly at the breaking point trying to keep himself together but benrey runs a big, warm hand along his side and makes a passing comment on what a good boy hes being and gordon almost fucking yells from how overwhelmed he gets

i want gordon freeman fucking obliterated. i want him to suffer first from benrey jerking him around and then being made to jerk himself around, trying and failing to keep his shit together.....and when benrey tells him sumn like, hey no, dont lay down........even if your arms and legs are shakin, you gotta stay up bro.......its so fuckin demeaning and gordon just spits out "im trying!" and benrey buries his free hand in gordons hair like hes gonna tug in retaliation, but instead he just scratches gordons scalp in a way that feels really fucking good and asks "you gonna bite? huh? gonna bite me? when im treatin you so nice......jeez, man" and that takes him back from the brink a little

hes just always keeping gordon on his toes. switching settings. dragging it out and making gordon shake from head to toe, sometimes putting on one of those real powerful pulsing jets to overstimulate him and make gordon yelp and just work him up into a trembling mess struggling to stay upright. snarling in ugly frustration when benrey yanks the showerhead away just as gordons starting to Get There. it feels like it must have been hours that hes been being bathed like this and teased from occasional glancing sprays with the waterhead to direct stimulation while benrey chuckles at him and just blandly comments "youre shaking." and gordon stammers out hotly "of course im fucking shaking, you keep fucking with me and i just wanna--" and benrey takes him by the chin and makes gordon look up at him and says, laughing at him under his breath, "dogs dont talk, bro"

ike.......at this point u might think "surely thats enough. throw the guy a bone." and that maybe, now, gordon freeman will get his dick touched like he deserves. you owuld be wrong. benreys not done here. gordons gotta come down from that table, get toweled off. and when benrey unclips that leash from the table, gordon just fucking collapses. his arms and legs cant really hold him up right now......hes being strung out like a violin, drawn to maximum tautness before being let go all at once just before he snaps.

and this is where benrey plays a little nice.......dries him off and blowdries him a little, brushing out his hair and his tail. hes committed to the bit, okay? he said he was gonna make his best bro look nice, so hes gonna make gordon look nice. this whole time hes letting gordon come back down.....and its......its kind of frustrating, if benreys just gonna decide to leave him like this and drag him outta here and call that the end of the game, but its not the worst thing in the world right now. for the first time in hours hes not being asked to do something. he doesnt even really have to move his own arms and legs.

but No. hes still not done. theres something theyre forgetting........gotta clip your nails, bro. its the last thing on benreys docket, and gordons embarrassed for a different (but taxonomically similar) reason. all the personal attention and the bizarre intimacy of it makes gordons mouth start running, just to get his mind off it. pretend to be normal! surely thats gonna work when the guy who nearly gave him a nervous breakdown from being edged and toyed with beyond belief is now at his feet, filing nails and running curious thumbs over the tendons and muscles. benreys almost more lost in it than gordon is at this specific point. (hes been doing nothing but jerking gordon around and its hard work. he deserves this.)

gordons been good. really fuckin good. didnt even nip his fingers. benreys best friend deserves a treat.

> look. hes been so fucking good the whole time. not moving and not touching himself, not breaking the tension they have with each other, staying so still. i think he deserves something nice. but like gordon doesnt expect it, he expects to just be jerked around and let go. benrey tells him to stay on the table and he complains about it like "im done now. you. you said we were done" but benrey comes back with a fresh pair of gloves and gordon tenses until benrey places a hand on his chest and tells him to calm down. he was good. rubs at his chest and stomach, slowly pushing him down onto the table while gordon squeaks when benrey parts his legs. hes mostly soft now but he hears benrey doing something and then rubbing a slick finger around his hole and he lets out a little "oh god. oh god. " that turns into a moan when he presses in.

> gordon's calmed down a bit but its goddamn embarrassing how quickly he gets wet again, dick throbbing a little. and i think. hm. i think it would be very fun to do overstimulation in this way now too since hes been edged so much that hes actually fucking desperate to come

> i think he should be be fingered until he howls and comes like 3-4 times. he's finally finally getting what he wants i dont know if he would know what to do. hes probably embrassed as all fuck from the way he acted that whole time, but when he starts getting fingered all that stuff just blanks from his mind and its so, so hard for him to not just chase that feeling and whore himself out. the opportunities for whoredon dialogue when hes that desperate are like saying shit hes cant even think about like "god - please f- fuck." and benrey's only got one finger in him but hes so wet already that benrey tries a second and it slips in easily. he crooks his fingers and gordon fucking keens, thighs shaking.

the fuckin. the agony in his voice when hes hoarsely begging benrey "do not stop do not fucking stop i cant take it" and just. slamming his fist into the table and being so fucking loud, oh my god, this guy is loud

> the thought of how loud he would be crazed me im just. just. him laying on the fucking table, eyes shut tight and moaning high and loud while he pulls tightly on his own hair, clenching hard around benrey's fingers

i think it would just be cool if. uhh. the thing that finally breaks gordon. gets him to just Let Go. is benrey catching him trying to choke back his words and his sounds and just laughs at him, like, "this is the easy part man. you wanna be a good dog? better, uhh.....better beg. cmon, boy. beg." and gordons hips jerk and the subsequent praise he gets when he actually does it makes him just.......snap.......Bye

> and what if.......benrey doesnt remove them as gordon comes down from that. he just waits a few seconds while gordons still panting and then scissors them and wrings a strangled sound out of gordon, whos hips move down again. and the heat starts building again in his gut and he cant even get out full sentences anymore, just bits and pieces while he fucks onto benrey's fingers. m. maybe benrey's growling out shit like "thats it, cmon. been good for me all fuckin day. you want more?" and gordon nods his head without even looking but he hears a thump and sees benrey kneeling between his thighs and he. licks up from where his fingers are to his clit and he just seals his mouth on it and sucks and that makes gordon come a second time, thighs clamping shut around benrey's ears.

i just......i lvoe......overstim.......and i think gordon freeman should have his pussy eaten until he cannot fucking take it anymore

maybe......even.......maybe after gordon comes a second time. benrey doesnt stop sucking and licking. at first it seems like benreys just working him thru the orgasm, but then he just keeps going. and gordons sensitive, hes too fucking sensitive, each time benreys tongue swipes over him he jerks and tries to close his legs. frantically gasping that he did it, okay, he got gordon off, voice getting high and broken, but benrey just pulls back and looks at him flatly and then very deliberately. spreads his legs wider in one swift movement. and pins them with his big fucking hands. and just looks him in the eye and says "i know, dude" and puts his mouth right back on gordon anyway. and gordons legs twitch like fucking mad but benreys so strong and he cant move and hes slamming his fist on the table again from how overwhelming it is, tears prickling in the corner of his eyes, howling into the open air how benreys killing him, hes fuckin killing him, why does he like jerking gordon around so much........and benrey glances up and breaks the seal of his mouth around gordons dick and mutters something about how he must not be doin his job if gordons still talking

i want him to howl wordlessly with frustration and grab benreys hair and yank him closer as gordon rounds the corner from "the agony of getting sucked off when hes hyper-sensitive" to "the agony of chasing yet another orgasm". i want this dude to be tonguefucked until he wails!!! I Want Him Ruined. meat: massacred. pussy: destroyed. i think it would be cool if gordon freeman was wailing at him for more, dont stop, benrey, until benreys got two big fingers back in him and is squeezing in a third alongside them and hes so fucking tight from having just come twice in a row, but the groan gordon lets out when its finally inside him is so guttural and low it makes benrey blink and shiver

and i think that for the grand finale benrey should smash that dogboy pussy. thanks for coming to my TED talk

hes been going thru this shit for hours. taking his time to really screw gordon freeman up good. and its been so fuckin worth it just to hear all the fun new sounds gordon made (cuz of him, he reminds himself). benreys been awkwardly adjusting his dick in his pants for way too fucking long, and gordons been watching him do it. staring at it. saliva collecting at the corner of his mouth. he was achingly hard the whole time he was giving gordon a glorified pedicure. and he didnt even ask to shift forward from where he was kneeling to let the arch of gordons foot press against his dick. its been just as hard for benrey to keep control and stick to the rules of the game as it has been gordon, and this dude oughta get to crush mad pussy okay

> the thought of this is kinda making me insane actually so. im just. h. im just thinking about how it would go down like. augh. i think that gordon would be shaking from his third consecutive orgasm but like. he can keep going. and he finally gets a moment to breathe and look at benrey whos just a mess. hair messed up where gordon gripped it, red faced, mouth dripping with his own drool and gordon's slick and hes remembers like. this guys so fucked up over this, god. and hed been thinking about his dick the whole time, even though he thought he wasnt gonna get anything out of it for a while. hes been wanting it. and so like like he doesnt want to play any more games. hes been good he deserves this.

> benrey's still got three fingers in him so he kind of just pushes him back and breaths out "fuck me". benrey's actually absolutely dazed from everythin and has to process it like "huh. wh" but gordons like "just fucking do it, cmon. im not gonna say it again" and benrey finally actually registers it like. "y-yeah. okay." and he barely has any time to think before gordon's hauling him up onto the table. starts fumbling to get his pants and shirt off and gordons practically tearing at his clothes which doesnt fucking help. letting out little growls maybe like "fucking. jerking me around this whole time fuck you. can see how much you wanted it" and they finally manage to get them off and gordon pulls him on top and ruts against him. its finally now clicking for benrey that fuck. this is actually happening and he pushes into him with a low sound and gordon's thighs and tail go still and taut until he bottoms out. gordon's fucking panting and clenches down on him and they both let out a little sound and benrey starts fucking into him slow. but cmon. this dudes been pent up the whole goddamn time. its barely any time before hes gripping gordon's hips and fucking up into him fast and hard, hips slapping against gordon's at a desperate pace. he probably tries to make it last but he cant, hes been edging himself too long. im going to fucking die see ya everybody

thinking about just how fuckin bad benreys legs would shake from the effort of pushin in reaaalll slow b/c gordons so fucking tight after having gotten off 3 times in a row.......trembling from the effort of trying to hold himself back......and gordons nails digging into the back of his neck and dragging down his back to leave long red furrows behind....... gordons eyes screwed tightly shut while the only thought on repeat in his head is "oh my god hes big hes so fucking big" and he can barely fuckin speak

> like yeah he had three fingers in him but this is so goddamn much. thinking about...gordon's hands clawing into back involuntarily from the stretch, letting out little cut off pants while his legs shake a little from it. i just. like the thought of his tail pointing out stiffly and trembling too. the absolutely wrecked sound he would let out when he bottomed out, all of that tension kind of leaving him in a drawn out deep moan. benrey shifts just a little to get a better grip on gordon's thighs and it causes him to yelp a little cause its so fucking much just from that movement.

> benrey's trying not to move but his hips are twitching from holding himself back and gordons letting out little. sounds that are making him insane. he pulls out just a little and that makes gordon let out a whine. and when he pushes back in gordon lets out breathless "fuck!" like its been punched out of him. even going this slowly is making him fucking shake like a leaf. hes squeezing his eyes shut tight heaving deep breaths, chest rising and falling fast. hes so full be can barely think. and benrey's just fucking stupid with cumbrain and hes saying all kinds of filthy shit like "h - fucking - so fucking good for me. so good. nnh. best. best friend -" and that makes gordon let out a whine. the praise has been getting to him the whole time and just. again with the loaded phrase of best friend. like the possesiveness of that. that combined with the near-overstimulation of getting filled makes him actually kind of lose it. his thighs clamp around benreys hips and his toes curl and pulls benrey's hips forward to make him thrust into him, so he stop going slow. bye. goodbye

#asky #writin stuff #Good bye

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disaster-fruit · 4 years

Note

and I know it's unfair because I haven't answered the ask yet but you're Brazilian so you know way more than me but I'd love to hear your thoughts about Imperial Brazil?? I'm really struggling with him bc i know about him in this era more from a portuguese perspective.....

YOU THOUGHT I WOULDN’T ANSWER THIS HUH

Sorry for taking so damn long audshdf I was saving this ask to do a real deep dive into the whole empire with a lot of historical explanation and a lot of detail buuuut I was having some trouble coherently organizing my thoughts about Pedro II’s reign so instead I’m gonna use this ask to more loosely talk abt the first half of the empire. You’ve seen my basic thoughts on the second half on that other post, so now I’m gonna ramble mostly about 1808-1840.

Also, hm, this is LONG. It’s embarrassingly long. I hope you have time.

And yes 1808-1822 is not part of the empire, but Brazil was no longer a colony in practice during those years, and I think they were crucial to his development as a person.

Before 1808, Brazil pretty much grew up alone. His mother was around less and less, and he had no friends. Portugal was, as we already know, a shitty dad. Up to that point, he was not only absent but also very controlling. He never allowed Brazil or his people to learn how to read, Brazil wasn’t allowed to have libraries or universities or newspapers or even print. Portugal alienated Brazil both from his mother and from Port himself. He was forcefully kept from developing his own ideas, and his growth was stagnant – even physically. The way I see it, after 300 years he was still a small child, while the others around him were already growing into teenagers even though they were younger in actual numbers. Portugal literally kept him from developing as a person, by force.

But suddenly, Portugal needed him. Suddenly, he showed up at his shore, with hundreds of people, and objects, and books. And though Portugal desperately needed Brazil at that time, his king couldn’t be there with Brazil being like that. That land with no cities and no libraries and no economy no nothing because he was forced to have nothing.

He starts growing really, really fast, and forcefully again. And it was a painful process – his people were being kicked out of their houses so that the people that arrived from Portugal had where to live. In a few years, he grew almost as fast as humans did. But it was still an incomplete growth – most of his people were still living in misery, but now he had a structured state that allowed him to more firmly fit into what a nation means. But it all happened so fast he was… dizzy.

And that was all combined with what was happening in his relationship with his father. They had both gotten much closer now that Portugal was physically there more often. I think Portugal is considerably less shitty to Brazil during these years, both because he needs him and because he is a relief from everything going on in Europe. But that doesn’t mean he became a good dad, but also Brazil was a lot smarter now, a lot freer, and quick to realize something that had always been true – Portugal needed Brazil more than Brazil needed Portugal. Much more.

The fact that he wasn’t a colony anymore but wasn’t quite independent, and thus still had to obey Portugal to some degree, started to annoy him. This has quite a bit of teenage rebellion element into it, but that doesn’t mean it came from unjustified anger. Not at all. His pride and ego were starting to really develop. The king of Portugal liked him better than he liked port himself, Brazil was heaven on earth, Brazil was rich, Brazil was full of potential, Brazil was great, Brazil was paradise, Brazil was not his own.

And that just keeps building.

And when Portugal starts talking about making him a colony again. After all that shit about the being a united kingdom, about Portugal being his father and trying to get close to him, of seeing him as a refuge and a relief, after all of that connection I think Portugal genuinely tried to build with him, the ugly truth is bare again – Portugal never saw him as worthy of equal footing, never saw that united kingdom as anything but temporary, never saw brazil as anything more than a colony.

And Brazil is mad.

When he found out the plans of Pedro I to declare independence, he’s more than happy. He’s been thinking of it for a while, and I think maybe deep down he didn’t love the idea of another Portuguese man being his boss, but Pedro had grown up in brazil, dude was carioca at heart, his wife was wonderful, Brazil could work with that. He declared independence, fought against Portugal, won, still had to pay for his independence, but, at last, he got it.

I think in a way Brazil’s anger, as righteous as it was, did blind him to what was going on. He wanted so bad to get rid of Portugal and avoid going back to how it was when he was a colony, that he waved away or even approved things that really just kept him stuck in the same place. Very little actually changed for most people, and as someone who literally represented all the people, he knew that and could feel that, but he was still so euphoric personally about it that he… ignored it.

Pedro I’s reign was… messy. He needed a constitution, he got into a war with Argentina, everyone was talking about who Pedro was fucking, it was just a whole mess. For that reason, I think despite declaring his independence, brazil remembers Pedro as being mostly an irresponsible asshole who couldn’t keep it in his pants and was too busy being a playboy to rule this country yet still managed to be authoritarian and also made him lose Uruguay. And when it came time for him to choose Brazil or Portugal, just like his father, he chooses Portugal.

That was a blow on his ego. Brazil at this point was still just a teenager, who had in two decades grown insanely fast for a nation, has been told by each king his land was heaven on earth and so much richer than Portugal, yet no one was willing to choose him. Ever. He was still an afterthought. Like a colony, that still had a metropolis. Pedro left him with a 4-year-old, with a government disorganized, and no money.

And then the Provinces start to rise up.

So, hm, a quick background on how I see the provinces: Some of them existed since around 1530, some were younger and some weren't around yet, and if Brazil first appeared representing the people that were born in this new colony, the provinces were much more… administrative and political. Yet many of the ones that were around grew much faster than Brazil – they were already teenagers or even adults by independence. They had always responded directly to Portugal and for a long time saw no connection between themselves or between them and Brazil. The idea of “Brazil” was only like… 100 years old, even less than that. And some of them were not loving being attached to those two kids – Brazil and the baby emperor. They saw the weak government of the regency as a chance to rise up and declare their own independence, as many who started as provinces around them had – like Uruguay.

The regency lasted 9 years, but I think those few years were also crucial to form Brazil as a person, due to how stressful they were. Think about it, he saw what was happening around him, with Spain’s former colonies. And I think he for the first time had to grapple with the very human existential fear of death.

If each of his provinces became their own country, would he still be around? Would he just become… Rio? But Rio existed as a province too. Would he just… be a lot of different countries? Probably not. He would probably disappear. He had only just started to be allowed to live, but that could be taken away at any moment. Uruguay and Rio Grande do Sul succeeded in getting their independence. How long until the others? It was quite terrifying. And I think that experience not only made him averse to the idea of being a republic in general at the time, but also created a lot of emotional and psychological problems for him, a lot of insecurity, as well as it made him realize he was nothing. There was nothing to justify his existence. He couldn’t say he existed because he wanted freedom or republic, he had none of these, plus it was something the provinces too could have. What united that land? What made him him? Those were all questions that would haunt him for the rest of the empire, and he would soon be more than willing to go after and accept easy answers. That’s how he gets to that whole indianismo think I talked about some time ago.

He fights his own provinces, on people, countless times. Revolts that really were like civil wars kept popping, and he, who was just a teenager, had to fight to oppress his provinces and force them into being a part of him, for a reason he himself didn’t know. He couldn’t explain why they should be a part of him, except that they were and he wanted them to be and he wanted to live. And he didn’t know why.

In summary, this whole period was one of fear, and insecurity, and doubt. It shook him profoundly as a person more than as a country. Because once Pedrinho was in power, things were quick to stabilize and it was, in some ways, as if those revolts had never happened, but Brazil remembered them, he lived through them, and never really forgot that fear.

If the regency was marked by external peace and internal turmoil, Pedrinho’s reign was one of relatively internal peace and external turmoil. Pedro II was… a complicated figure. Most Brazilians today regard him as an excellent ruler and a wise man, but I at least can’t be this optimistic about the man who insisted on the Paraguayan war, refused to abolish slavery for decades, and basically laid ground to a lot of the problems we still have today, like bad distribution of land and late industrialization. He didn’t do all that by himself, of course, a lot can be blamed on the senate, but he was the most powerful man on the country, and he receives way too much credit for his personal beliefs of being an abolitionist and a pacifist. Maybe he really was both these things, but that doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t use his power to end slavery and avoid war, quite the opposite. And why is that important here? Because I think brazil, the tan, was also fooled by it. He quickly bought into the narrative that Pedro II was this wise incredible man, and overlooked all the ways he kept the worst structures of the country untouched in order to not upset the elite that kept him in power. Brazil wanted nothing but stability and power, and Pedro, looking like the opposite of his father at the surface, brought that. There were no more separatist movements or civil wars once he rose to power, Rio Grande do Sul was reabsorbed, and the years that followed were ones of relative prosperity, and all of that really made brazil more and more attached to the whole concept of the empire. I think just like he was willing to ignore a lot of things during independence for the sake of it, here too he ignored all the ways Pedro II held him back so that he could fully feel the pride of being a powerful empire.

Brazil really did like being an empire during that time. The narrative of the empire was one that answered the question that haunted him for so long – what justified his existence. Justifying it, in the 19th century, is what I believe to be the main motivation underlying everything he did and thought. And the narrative was that the empire guaranteed stability and avoided civil wars and fragmentation, allowing Brazil to be, to quote José Bonifacio, “This majestic and solid piece of social architecture from the Prata to the Amazonas”, and again, all that in comparison to his neighbors that were constantly drowning in civil wars and fragmenting. For stability and that justification, he was willing to turn a blind eye to anything else.

So he rose from the regency feeling stronger than ever. Pedrinho had put everything into place, he was growing, he had a Brazilian in power for the first time, his coffee was going well, and he had survived. Many of his neighbors hadn’t, or at least not in the sense of managing to keep their territories intact. He did. His neighbors were unstable, with wars and coups and wars (like he hadn’t just had exactly that), he was stable and growing and he was the strongest. Once free of the fear of being destroyed from the inside, his ego grew once again, and he felt good. He felt pride in being a big strong and centralized empire, and to look down on the other Latin Americans and even on his father. He was ready now to make his power and influence spread, as an Empire.

That's it, sorry if this is both ridiculously long and also a mess, I have way too many thoughts about imperial brazil and I could've probably written ten more pages of it and still have something to say. Also I'd still love to hear your thoughts on the empire for a Portuguese perspective, because I genuinely have no clue what that would look like. But anyway hmm I hope this was fun?

#ask #sorry this is so goddamn long but come on yall know me at this point i cant and wont shut up #long post #hcs

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supernovaspidey · 5 years

Text

I feel safer in your arms

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: You have been MIA for over a week, and Peter and Ned are trying to figure out what they did that could possibly make you ignore them for so long. It took one party at Flash’s place and an inconvenient Brad Davis to make you finally go off.

Author’s note: hey, guys. It took a lot for me to post this, the main plot is based on a personal experience I’ve been through, and I decided to write about it as a way of dealing with the shitty situation. I tried to make the emotions as realistic as possible, in order to express my feelings, but I’m not exactly a great writer and English is not my mother language, so please be patient with me if I’ve made some mistakes throughout the story. Make sure to tell me what you thought about the story, it would make me really happy. Also, if any of you have been through a similar experience and want to talk, hit me up, I’m sure we can help each other, I certainly do need some help lmao

Dedicated to: my favorite blogs! @infamous-webhead @justauthoring @userspidey @imnotobsessedwithhim @tomhreads @peterjonesparker @soulspideys@spideyxchelle (I know some of you might be weirded out because I have never interacted with you but i am in love with your blogs, i’m just rly shy, anyways hope you enjoy xo) and @lousimusician (U R THE BEST OMG as I said in your ask previously I am in love with your blog and your work fuckkkkkk, you are awesome and rly sweet ❤️)

Warnings: angst, mentions of harassment, slight PTSD, slight swearing, fluff (I SWEAR!!!), Peter Parker being the clueless human being on Earth, but also the cutest, protective!Peter, Ned is just a sweetheart I love him

Word count: 2961

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- Dude, what’s going on? Did you two have a fight or something? Because if you did, I swear to God I’ll…

- Ned! Stop freaking out on me, man. You are making me worse than I already am. And no, we didn’t have a fight or anything like that. I honestly don’t know what’s going on. – Peter was clearly hurt and worried.

- Sorry, it’s just that… it’s been a week. I miss her. I wonder what you did wrong this time. – Ned looked really judgmental and Peter wasn’t having it.

- What is that supposed to mean?

- Come on, dude. You may be her best friend but she clearly has a thing for you and every time she gets somewhat flirty, your oblivious self, despite being completely obsessed with her as well, always screw things up and she gets mad, so… what did you do this time?

- She doesn’t… have a thing for me. – Peter’s cheeks started getting red with the suggestion.

- Whatever helps you sleep at night. And that’s not the point! What. Did. You. Do?

- Nothing, I swear! One night we were fine texting each other and then… She just isolated everyone. She’s been ignoring me since then but I promise I didn’t do anything wrong, I even checked our conversation. Here! – Peter grabbed his phone so fast it almost fell, unblocked it, and clicked on your contact, he didn’t think it was right to show Ned your conversation but the need to prove his innocence was stronger.

(y/n): “wassup, arachnid?”

(Peter): “(y/n) could u pls come up with a better nickname? That one’s awful :(“

(y/n): “i’m working on it, but until I find the perfect one u’ll just have to get used to this mediocre-quality one lol”

You guys kept talking about nonsenses until you told him you needed to go.

(y/n): “gotta go, family gathering at gram’s. try not to cry because u miss me so much, I’ll be back I promise :p”

(Peter): “well I’ll try but idk if I will be able to go through the next couple of hours without you annoying the life out of me. It’ll be so hard :(“

(y/n): “damn ur heartless. Anyways bye, arachnid xo”

(Peter): “S T O P”

(Peter): “are you still at your grandma’s place? It’s like 2 a.m.”

(Peter): “(y/n)???”

(Peter): “if ur mad about me calling u annoying i’m sorryyy”

(Peter): “:(“

(Peter): “you weren’t at class today. everything okay? just checking, I’m worried abt u”

(Peter): “u missed a Chem assignment today, I’m paired up with you, it’s nothing out of this world but we need to talk abt it”

(Peter): “hey… listen u’ve been MIA for almost a week, now idk what’s going on but you can talk to me, let me help”

(Peter): “Ned and I went over to your place to talk to you but your mom didn’t let us in. pls tell me what’s going on”

- Damn, Peter…

- What? – He was certain he didn’t do anything wrong but after showing Ned the texts he got a little insecure. After all, he never realized when he was messing things up, he just got super nervous and started rambling nonstop until shit hit the fan.

- You guys are so flirty, it’s so disgusting, just ask her out already, geez.

- Ned!

- Okay okay, well, I admit, I didn’t see anything wrong, except for you clearly trying to flirt with her and being a total failure.

- Shut up.

They were sitting at their usual table in the cafeteria, theorizing about what made you go off on them. Both of them were uneasy, you were their best friend and they liked you too much to just let you push them away like this. Peter was particularly off, at the same time he was dying of worries, he was pissed at you. After all the mad shit you’ve been through together, he’d think you cared about him enough not to just ignore his complete existence out of nowhere. To be honest he was hurt about the fact that you didn’t like him as much as he liked you.

- Yo, assholes. – Flash just jumped up at your table. – I’m trying to do some community service, so as my first act of kindness I will allow you to go to my party tomorrow. My place at 10. Don’t be weird or I’ll change my mind and kick you out of there. Make sure (y/n) is there, she’s a sight I’d like to see at my place. See ya, losers.

As fast as Flash got to their table, he went away, not giving the boys an opportunity to answer. Peter closed his fists so hard at the mention of your name that his knuckles turned white. Ned simply rolled his eyes and told Peter to forget about it.

Peter took his cellphone again and opened your chat. It had been one day since he last texted you and tried to go to your place, so he was thinking whether he should tell you about the party or not. A part of him was angry and didn’t want to text you because of the shit you’ve been making him go through, but the other part was hopeful you’d show up at Flash’s and finally give him an opportunity to talk to you. He decided he missed you too much and would take any chance he could to see you. So he sent you the text.

(Peter): “hey, Flash is throwing a party tomorrow night and he invited us. yes. all of us. anyway, it’ll be at 10. hope you show up.”

There. Plain and simple. A loud sigh left Peter’s mouth as he hit his head on the table.

- It’s okay, dude. She’ll be there. Don’t stress about it.

(…)

- Do you see her? – It was the fifth time Ned poked Peter and asked the same question. Peter felt like he was about to lose it.

- No, dude. I’ve been looking directly at the door and she still hasn’t shown up.

- She will come, Peter. Don’t worry. Hey, do you think Betty would be impressed with this hat I’m wearing?

- Uhm, sure! Why don’t you go over to her?

- Are you sure? You’ll be okay? I know (y/n) is always the one who makes you company… - Ned was about to start rambling but Peter was quick to stop him laughing.

- Ned, I’m fine. Now go get your girl.

- Yeah yeah, you should go get yours too, you know. Look who just showed up. – Ned pointed to the door.

And there you were, with all your non-glory, and an alarm rang in Peter’s head almost instantaneously. The first thing he noticed was your clothing. You were wearing a jacket, which was not usual for you, who is always complaining about how hot it is, even if it´s freezing. The next thing he noticed was your body, you were thinner, not enough to make everyone notice, but he for sure did, and he for sure got worried right away. The last thing he noticed was your face. He always admired you for being so outgoing and confident, but now you looked scared and insecure, constantly looking to your sides, like the walls had spikes and the room was slowly getting smaller around you.

After scanning the whole room, your eyes met Peter’s, he was beside Ned, looking straight at you, you forced a side smile and walked up to them.

- Peter, Ned… Hi. – You looked really shy, something was definitely off.

- Hey, (y/n)! Oh my God I missed you so much, where have you been? We thought you were mad at us. – Ned was as agitated as he was when he talked about Betty. You couldn’t help but smile at how excited your best friend was to see you.

- I… I was sick, really sick. You know how it is… - You looked at Peter, but he had his eyes fixed on the floor, looking upset.

- Of course you were. – He sighed and you felt the sarcasm in his voice.

- Excuse me?

- I’m not buying that, (y/n). If you really were sick you would tell us, you know, your best friends.

- Yo, don’t put me into this mess, I’m going to talk to Betty now. But (y/n), I’ll talk to you later, okay? So happy to see you again! – Ned was quick to flee the situation, leaving you and Peter alone. You grabbed his hand and took him to the pool area, where there were less people.

- Start talking, Parker.

- What?

- You were pretty quick to shoot me a snarky comment inside, so I guess you have a lot to say, right? Start talking.

- I… I don’t have…

- Peter, talk!

- Why… Why would you ignore me for over a week? You were so sick you couldn’t grab your phone? And if you really were sick, why didn’t your mom tell us right away? I was so upset with you I wasn’t even going to tell you about the party, but I missed you and was worried about you and wanted to see you, and you lie to my face?

- I shouldn’t have ignored you, I know. I’m sorry. I really am. But you want to talk about lying? What about all the times you lied right to my face for almost a year, huh? The Stark Internship, the Washington shit, me being stood up by you countless times, what about that? You didn’t tell me about the spider shit, I figured it out by myself. And it’s okay if you didn’t want to tell me, that’s your business, but don’t point your finger at me talking about fucking honesty. – Peter’s face was sad and angry at the same time as you threw the words at him.

- You know, I only came to this shitty party to see you. – You stared right into his eyes. – I missed you and wanted to have a good time with you, but I guess that’s not going to happen so leave me alone. – At the moment Peter saw tears wanting to leave your eyes, he knew something was wrong, and that he had messed up. Big time.

- (y/n), wait! – He tried to hold you but you sprinted back inside the house, leaving him with his thoughts.

You were grabbing a snack at the kitchen, when you felt someone breathing down your neck. You froze instantly, trying to push away the memories. You turned and in front of you was Brad Davis. He was a good guy, but he was drunk and an alarm rang in your head.

- What the fuck? Back off, Brad.

- Hey, (y/n)! Long time no see, wanna dance? – He placed his hands on your shoulder, and the memories came flooding you as you tried pushing them away.

- No.

- Come here, I missed you. – He then pulled you in for a hug. At the moment you felt his hands on your back and waist, and smelled the alcohol exhaling from his mouth, you just couldn’t fight the memories any longer. It was like you were back your grandma’s house all over again, you started to shiver, your heart felt like it was going to go out of your chest and your vision turned black.

- Get off of me! – You couldn’t stop yourself. You shoved him away aggressively, and punched him right in his face. It was like you were stuck in your own body, not being able to control it.

You realized what you did when he hit the floor, nose bleeding.

- I’m… I’m so sorry… I… - The music had stopped, you looked up and everyone was looking at you. Then you saw him. Peter. You immediately ran away and grabbed a cab down the street, ignoring Peter’s screams calling you and asking you to wait.

By the time you got home, you were crying uncontrollably. You laid in bed and let everything sink in. You knew going to the party was a mistake but you did it anyway. Fucking stupid little girl.

- (y/n), let me in. – You looked at your window and saw Peter with his suit on, how could he have changed clothes so fast?

You went over and opened the window. He got in, you turned around as he changed clothes once more. You turned around again when he was done and sat on the bed. He sat beside you.

- So, I’m an idiot. I know. – He looked at you with puppy hazel eyes and you couldn’t help but laugh a bit. – (y/n)… what happened? Please, I beg you to talk to me.

So, you started talking immediately. The more you talked, the more you cried. You talked about how when at your grandma’s, while the whole family was going to take a picture, your old drunk cousin grabbed you by the arm to be closer to him, and started walking down your body with his hand, making you freeze with terror. You talked about how you felt like you couldn’t move or scream, about how hard he was squeezing your arm, leaving a bruise after. You talked about how you felt used, dirty, and weak, about how you should have done something, anything, but instead you stayed there like a scared little girl. You talked about how you were afraid of people touching you now, and how afraid you were of hurting people, and how that’s exactly what happened. You hurt someone, Brad. And finally, you talked about how you were feeling like your worst version of yourself, and didn’t want anyone to see that, especially Peter.

He listened to everything quietly, and only after you finished talking was when he realized he wasn’t breathing and that you had grabbed his hand at some point. He didn’t know what to say, all he felt was hatred, so he started crying.

- I’m so sorry, I made this whole thing about me when you were hurting so much. – You squeezed his hand when you heard he say that.

- Listen, it’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have ignored you, I just didn’t want you to see the mess I am right now.

- You are not a mess. It’s not your fault this happened to you. You are the strongest person that I’ve ever known, you are the utter best version of yourself and that’s one of the many reasons why I really like you and… - He suddenly stopped when he realized what he said.

Shit.

- You know… as a friend… my best friend! You are my best friend and I like you as my best friend and… - He stopped on his tracks when he felt you hugging him, he didn’t know what to do so he slowly and gently put his arms around you, making sure you were comfortable.

(…)

After that night, things didn’t get better, but they got less worse. Peter and Ned were the only people you were comfortable with, and Peter was the only one you were physically comfortable with. You didn’t think it was possible to be closer than you were before, but it happened. Peter was super protective of you, and he didn’t even noticed. He would always hold your hand when you were walking, and would always make sure you felt safe. Every time he noticed you being anxious, he would grab your hand and caress it with his thumb, or he would play with your hair and whisper “it’s okay, I’m here with you. You are okay” into your ear. He made you feel safe, and he also made you feel weird things, mushy and warm things. He looked at you differently, you knew it, and it always made you feel like your stomach was upside down, but in a great way.

One day, you, Peter and Ned were at the cafeteria talking, you and Peter were holding hands when you felt hands on your shoulders. You stopped moving right away

- (y/n), nice work on that assignment! – Your Chemistry teacher said and left without letting you respond.

Peter and Ned looked at you, clear worriedness stamped on their faces. You started to breathe heavily, your heartbeat started racing, you started shaking and your eyes got wet. Peter quickly grabbed your hand and took you away.

He took you to the janitor’s closet, the closest thing to the cafeteria. It was so small you were pressed against each other, but Peter didn’t care about that. All he cared about was you. When he closed the door, you started sobbing.

- Hey, hey it’s okay, I’m here. You are okay. No one’s going to hurt you, okay? I promise. – He hold you tight in his arms.

- I… I feel dirty.

- Here – he stood in front of you, took off his sweater, staying only with his nerdy shirt, and swept it over your shoulders. – I’m cleaning them, see? They’re clean. You’re not dirty, you are perfect.

He wiped your tears away and started caressing your cheek, cupping your face with his hands.

- I’m here and I’ll always be here. You are okay.

- I’m… I’m okay.

- See? Everything’s going to be okay. – He hugged you once more.

- Peter? – You called against his chest.

- Huh? – He didn’t let you go.

- Thank you. I… I really like you too. You know, as my best friend… - You felt his heart racing. – You know what I mean.

He let you out of his arms to look at you. He knew what you meant, he remembered the day he almost confessed his feelings, but he thought you wouldn’t have realized.

He kept his hazel eyes glued at yours, and you could swear he was seeing through your soul at that moment. He smiled, his face lit up. You smiled. You don’t know how long you guys stayed there, but it felt like eternity and it wasn’t enough.

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boy-porridge-vent · 4 years

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April 9 2020 Twitter Thread Rant

the only time i deleted tweets was back in november bc you were mad at me for posting them so i was like "ok, you dont want them up? then i'll take them down just for u" then u freaked out that i was "deleteing tweets!!! trying to hide!!!" no, i just wanted you to shut up abt it most of the time we do it privately and dont interact with each other's venting!!! when you do it, you go public, use usernames, faces, direct names in order to claim youre "the good person for directly calling them out" no youre putting them in danger. I'll only come here to vent or talk about my issues

Future TW// self harm ed suic*dal thoughts abuse idk, other stuff that is bad ig lmao This is my space to do with as I please

Even blocked my partner and best friends :) Happy now? Scum.

In fact, even just to make my abusive ex and my other cheating ex happy, I not only blocked them but blocked every from school I could find There. Now truly nobody knows me. Are you guys happy now? Forcing your victim to stay quiet & hide AGAIN? Like youve always done to me?????

Fake ass.... you claim to be my friend yet anything I tell you goes straight to my ex and drama starts again bc you pretend to be on my side hating her, then youre on her side against me Now youre taking screenshots from my friends and sending them to my ex... shady shit

call me a hypocrite yet youre being hypocritical on your story. I see haha

telling people to write in a diary instead of online, yet you've written how you feel online, you made 9-12 public posts for ~460 people to see, all with rants and venting about me, made 5 public stories about my friend and brought my name into it. When will you learn.

you say something like "you can talk shit and its ok, but when it do it, its not ok?" no, here's the problem. You do it in the wrong way. We actually keep it private and resolve our anger with friends that are also struggling bc of you and understand the situation

most of the time we do it privately and dont interact with each other's venting!!! when you do it, you go public, use usernames, faces, direct names in order to claim youre "the good person for directly calling them out" no youre putting them in danger.

when my friend posted to his story about you, it was on his PRIVATE VENT account.... what it's supposed to be used for....? Venting about how he feels abt my other ex copying him, and you giving into my ex simply bc you both dislike me. It's childish.

You and my ex go on public ramblings for everyone to see and use direct names or usernames as if people are gonna hunt us down? Ive never done that to you. I talk about you with my friends at school sure, but online? I NEVER shared your username. NEVER shared your name. Nothing.

The only info people could use to figure out who you were was me calling you a cheater, using the word "whore" because thats what you CALLED YOURSELF as we were breaking up!!!!! And talking about your pet that you only have because of me

You also say me and many of my friends are cowards for blocking you, bc if we werent blocking you you'd be "all up in our dm's" is that why you made a whole new twitter account dedicated to calling me a clown and immediately blocked me so I couldnt find it?? Okay "coward"

I blocked you bc you've admitted to people that you stalk my instagram, you stalk my twitter, yet when i block you to make you stop (bc ive had issues with stalking before) you get mad??? youre like "ok coward, if you had nothing to hide then why did block and private"

because 1.) i dont like stalkers and you know that 2.) i made everything private bc you were literally throwing a fit about how my months and months old rants were pUbLiC and anybody could see them, so I made it private so ppl dont read about you,

now now youre mad bc you cant go through my twitter anymore without following and you cant find anymore of your sacred screenshots. again, i have nothing to hide. thats why i havent deleted my old tweets. bc I stand by what I say.

the other time i deleted was march 31? bc you decided to use your NEW bf to get onto his old account (which hadnt been active since 2017....) and retweet a vent of mine. I was like "yea no im not gonna have you stalk my twitter through your bf thats ridiculous"

after he retweeted, you went on that posting spree on instagram about how all my stuff was public. So i deleted the tweet he retweeted just to make you happy. It's either leave them public and you shame me for public tweeting, delete them but ur mad that im being fake? or make my account private and now youre mad bc you cant search through my account of 4 years like the gross rat you are

it's funny how you can also post public tweets about me for your followers to see, and when I find out I didnt say shit to you, didnt start drama with you, i took my screenshots and left. then you deleted them..... i bet if someone called you out for it you would pretend you didnt say shit until someone pulled out the screenshots bc that's what you do, you act like you did nothing until somebody proves you wrong w the evidence, then u pretend like "ohh those tweets! Um yea, uh..."

wit yo fake ass you were all our friend, you were in the friend group bc we cared about you, until you dated me on and off over and over, tried to fuck one of our friends after prom, crushed on one of my friends and your coworker, bitched at me if i didnt invite you to hangout.. even if you ween invited, dated me again while also dating someone from discord while also being sneaky with one of your neighbor guys. Calling me a crybaby for being upset about the breakup even tho you vented about your military ex for months and months..... you even went to your online discord friend who was now your ex and told him how shitty my friends and I were for not inviting you to the Halloween party..... funny thing about that... you chose to opt out. You wanted to spend halloween with your new bf, the one in college, but guess what? He left your ass to go to his own party, so after that THEN you changed your mind and wanted to go to OUR party

OUR party, which had maxed out the guest limit. You said you didnt want to go, so you got removed and replaced with somebody else who COULD and WANTED to go. Tough luck. You leave the line at the BMV, you get sent to the back. Thats how it works.

Then u told your discord ex how shitty we all were & made us out to be shitheads bc we "didnt invite u" we did invite you. u chose not to go until it was too late. that was ur fault. not to mention u had been starting drama & being weirdly sexual w ppl in the group at the time

you wanted to fuck my friend after prom despite knowing he was crushing on a girl & wanted to make it work??? Wanted to suck my friend's dick in the back of the culinary room despite knowing he was with another girl? flirting w girls online despite having a partner? disgustang

even now, u JUST got w a new dude & youre already telling people abt the weird shit yall do. Ur sending him to spy on ppl from the friend group. Getting him involved even tho he's really chill & I have no problem w him??? I hated J bc he was w you, I dont wanna hate this guy too

like damn shawty u say im a hypocrite for not lettin u shit talk.... i do let u. Ive caught u saying shit on twitter & insta but Ive never made any posts abt it like u did. i saw what u said on twitter, or even our dms when u call me a crybaby? but i never posted about it like u

i couldve totally taken a screenshot of your immature dm of insults and no actual argument and posted it all over the place, but I didnt. I couldve posted your vents and rants from twitter, your main insta, and your vent insta all over the place, but I never did. Yet you can??

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glass-closet · 6 years

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Anon’s submission

A person who wishes to stay anonymous approached me via PM and wanted me to share their thoughts with my readers. So, without further ado, here’s what they said.

I'm very new in the SPN fandom - just watched the whole thing through in the last couple of months. I completely fell for Wincest (as anyone with eyes might), started lurking around the Wincest blogs of Tumblr, and inevitably ended up in J2 blogs such as yours before long.

Now, I've seen and done some light RPF shipping before, and that's all I initially thought tinhats are about. People see what they wanna see, overanalyze stuff, you know the drill. All in good fun. But I started to get interested (because "Man, those guys DO touch each other a whole lot") and soon realized that it's a lot more serious than that.

I never thought twice abt the guys' relationship because I knew they have wives and kids, duh. (Which of course is PR's aim.) But getting into all these posts, I started seeing behind the curtain. Ofc I take everything with a bit of salt, it's not my first day on Internet. And some of it is hard to swallow, like the whole idea that someone would choose to live in a sham marriage and have kids in a situation like that, just to hide their true self. It makes me feel claustrophobic just to think about it. But if I was making a hugely popular show about two brothers and it came out that the actors of those brothers are in a relationship? I can understand why TPTB would do anything to keep it under covers, and why J2 can do nothing but go with it if they wanna keep their jobs.

Another thing that shook me about many tinhat blogs was the intense dislike of M. Before, I've been led to believe that he's this quirky, sweet, funny dude whom everyone likes, pretty much. And obviously, since I've only actually been in the fandom for about 5 minutes, I'm mostly going on what I've read from various blogs, but I gather that he likes to tease D*st*el to the fans a lot, which Jensen (and I'm guessing Jared) are pretty opposed to. And it hurts my heart that someone I've thought of as a genuinely good guy would keep making his friend uncomfortable like that. And in the light of tinhat theories, it starts to look downright rude, no matter how great a guy he might otherwise be.

Thus leading me to my point, a post that I saw today that finally fully converted me, too, into a tinhat. http://maspwinj2.tumblr.com/post/169042706426/so-there-have-been-moments-about-jensen-not-liking As the OP explains, the gifs are from directly after M clung to Jensen on-stage at a con. If you watch the video, people are laughing when Jared takes a swing at Misha, but even tho I'm not an expert at body language, it's obvious he's not joking around. And even though Misha keeps smiling, his body language is extremely alarmed, he knows he fucked up. It's not a funny moment, but it tells more than a million words could about how exactly Jared feels about someone upsetting Jensen, and after seeing that, I'm a 100% believer. So congrats, you've gained a new tinhat. I'll be lurking!

Thank you, anon! It sounds like you've figured out the basics quite quickly, which leads me to believe you’re a smart one. Welcome to our house! This is definitely not the most comfortable room to claim - the shelves are filled with happy pictures of our lovely couple, but there are just as many unsent, tear-stained letters in the desk drawer. The chairs are hard, but the bed is soft and the linens silky. And then there’s that god-damned roommate that yells drunken insults through the door in the dead of night.

Following the J’s life together isn't easy at all, and to care about them deeply means to suffer on regular basis. It’s worth it to me. Their love is sunshine and double rainbows, the PR schemes are mud and blizzards.

ANYWAY, sorry about my weird rambles. I’m glad you shared your thoughts with me. Things are indeed not as they might seem. I hope you stick around - there’s a lot of things yet to discover and I bet most of them are lovely. Have a very lovely 2018, anon!

PS: @maspwinj2 You might want to know you've converted yet another person. ;)

#submission #seraresponds #tinhat story #j2 tinhat #tinhat talk #inconsistensies #queue

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cod-rum · 7 years

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ok aside from the shit i just posted this is the only thing i’m gonna say on the discourse. i don’t feel. idk. qualified to like Properly weigh in on all of it but i feel like i should say something. but either way its under a cut in case u don’t wanna read it

firstable might as well say like. while the pictures going round weren’t in the art book, there is a goddamn character called fransvestite in there who’s literally a transmisogynist frankenstein, so like. it’s not like he’s ashamed of it. and also all the racist stuff that is... very blatantly there in earlier rillaz art. and i gotta admit it hurts bc like. one of the workers at my youth club had tank girl as their twitter icon bc of how much that became a thing in lgbt culture, hell even the art book mentions that there were a lot of tank girl themed lesbian nights at bars. and the rillaz band are genuinely so important to me, like genuinely finding the band and these characters who i could relate to helped drag me out of a very dark place. and it hurts knowing that the guy who made them doesn’t actually give much of a shit about the communities his characters mean so much to

and I can understand if people cannot divorce gorillaz as a whole from jamie. like that is a fair call to make, he’s a co-creator and does a huge chunk of the story. but idk for me it’s like... he doesn’t write them. cass wrote them for a good 10 years, and while i have a lot of problems with the new writers, it’s still not him writing it. and as much as i still adore the art and the videos, if i’m totally honest the things that made me truly love the characters was cass’ writing of them and their voiced sessions, which i think was a mix of scripted and just up to the voice actors. at the end of the day while jamie still owns them and does a lot for them, for me it doesn’t feel like they’re fully his characters

and maybe its just bein a h*mestuck fan but i’ve learned a lot abt like. being able to find meaningful characters from shitty creators and taking them, reworking them to make the jarring problems less apparent, finding the tiniest scraps of canon and making that into something that’s important to you. taking death of the author to the extreme. and as much as i have problems w the rillaz fandom i have to admit those who take the time to rework the characters and do interesting stuff w them are on par with the official lore imo

though thats not to say the people who are leaving over this are in the wrong. there are people who this affects way more directly than me and if they cannot enjoy the band after this, then i don’t blame them. i've abandoned bands i loved over similar things before and it is incredibly hard and i have nothing but respect for the people who are making that call rn

wow this got rambly but i guess this is just. me trying to put this into words. i love the characters, and i’d be lying if i said jamie’s art didn’t inspire me in some ways... but at the end of the day gorillaz is a band, and i wouldn’t have stuck around for so long if i didn’t love the music. damon is arguably as important to me as the characters. i’d stay into the band for him if nothing else, and maybe that’s wrong of me, esp considering he’s worked w jamie for so long, but i do genuinely think he’s trying to do something good and he actually believes in the message gorillaz promotes

and maybe jamie’s changed since he drew all the shit (tho if he’s still putting aforementioned character in his art book i doubt it). maybe he’ll apologize for it at some point, or give some other solid indication that he has actually changed the way he thinks. maybe not. but if my way of enjoying the band is by following damon and his music, and taking, reworking and completely divorcing the characters from the p4 writing and jamie, then like. that’s how i’ll enjoy the band.

#holy shit this is long my bad #rum.txt #discourse tag #i might as well make one of these #transphobia ment /

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homumaki · 7 years

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I---I’m so tired.. TwT

Just wanna ramble here... I know there are many of my sweet friends here who won’t judge me on rambling like this lol...

I have to work as a lecturer at the same time to working on my thesis... and time is rush... and piles of both works are killing me...

and as I have some mental disease, to be specific, it’s depression, it makes me not just be depressed but soooooooo tired from contacting to surrounding world. To specific, I think tiredness level is about 200 times than normal.

For examples, (1) shopping groceries can make me get a fever from tiredness, since it’s very hard for me to look around the shelves and choose what I want. Commodity labels, packages, colors, sounds in the shop, too much lights, all pressure me that I will definitely knocked on my bed for at least 3 hours after an hour of shopping. (2) Talking with people requires all of my strength. since I have to catch their eyes, smile, talk, nod, express A LOT LOT LOTTTT expressions to make the conversation goes smoothly for them. I’m not saying that I don’t want to smile at them or like that, but showing expression drains all my energy. Therefore I love talking via the Internet, since I can show my love or my care without deliver it directly right from my face into their eyes.

Lecturing requires a lot of movements, gestures, eyes contacts, etc etc etc.. I’m so exhausted T_T Also, I moved back to my hometown, where (for sure) my family is. Hmm.... so I also have to deal with emotion expression for my family, too. I never feel rest at all. I wanna cry T_T

I have no energy left even for reading manga. I did some pencil doodles, but I can’t create anything, I just draw them imitating styles of some animes. Actually I don’t even want to draw, but I might go to my bad stage if I don’t create some space to free myself from the pressure. (I mean pressure from contacting to the world, not that any one pressures me)... well I don’t know now what I’m saying TwT~ sighs

People with depression feels like they’re in a dark, sticky pond and that they’re being sucked into that dark matter all the time. Just standing still is so exhausted since we’re at the same time trying to swim to the surface of it.

When you’re at your bad stage, you lose to the dark matter. You can only sit there, cannot move at all. When I was at mine, I lay down on my bed all day all night, I was hungry but I couldn’t even sit up. I wanted and wanted to be out of the bed but all my power I tried to build up dissolved into the air. If I crawled to the toilet, I would sit there for half an hour, after finishing my pee.My memory was incredibly lame. I can IMMEDIATELY forget what I was thinking 0.02 second ago. Things popped in my head and disappeared. I could do nothing but lay there like a rotten jelly chunk.

And many more. I still have these when I’m tired. (I think when I’m tired, my brain used up all the medicine so the symptoms come back). I’m far far away from getting rid of it, I plan to take medicine till the very end, though.

Omg why is it very long lol XD I just wanna cry out a bit to whoever kindly spend their time on it but it turned out as a post abt depression O_o? Welp, I can write abt depression forever lol better stop already. Thank you so much form my heart if you’re reading this :3 I’ll become a normal me very soon after I graduate (I hope so...well actually idk lol)

#depression #omg #i'm too tired i think #not mysme

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musashi · 7 years

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dare i ask what happened with remy? (i'm. also in that boat.)

like the first few weeks or so we were friends they were asking like... really kinda prying questions abt my sexuality, seemingly upset about the fact that i was a lesbian...?

they were trying to like insinuate that because of how fucked up of a social construct gender is, sexuality is also fake. they kept asking me what i liked and i said girls and nothing else and they were like BUT WHAT IS A GIRL and i was like... someone who says theyre a girl? and they kept saying what does a girl LOOK LIKE and i was like nothing, im attracted to people based on things like aesthetics and i’m probably not gonna pursue a relationship with them until i know them on a deep level i.e. gender.

it felt like they were trying to pull me into some kind of trap where i outed myself as transphobic by assigning certain traits to a certain gender and that made me really uncomfortable but i tried to assume good faith and just chalk it up to my disorder making up problems for me. we were pretty chill friends for a while. i kinda felt like they were pressuring me to move in with them when i was visibly uncomfortable w/ that, but we’re like all disabled/neurodivergent so i might just have needed to be blunter that i really wasn’t committed to a position like that, esp because they were basically asking me to give up my cat for that. later they sent me a bunch of anons flirting with me and confessing crushing on me and that kinda added another layer to the sexuality stuff that unnerved me.

we had a pretty ok friendship & they were always super generous with their money & home. then outta the blue one day i made a post about my weight loss plans and it contained mentions of both men and women (women because i lov them, men because they’ve consistently traumatized me and power fantasies involving them are kinda how i cope) and they went on anon and basically told me that i was nbphobic because i didn’t mention literally every other gender under the sun =/ i knew it was them because i’m really intuitive w/ anons and typing styles and stuff. they came clean and tried to defend themselves and if u read that conversation i was just so heartbroken and tired. i really felt like they were trying to throw me into a social justice ‘gotcha’ just because i was a lesbian and i didn’t want to date them. it felt like the tumblr sj version of an angry nice guy, trying to put blame on me for not dating them.

they kept like demanding answers from me i didn’t have, about if i wanted to still be their friend and stuff, and i told them like i dont know? im still reeling? i need to like, process this? and then they remade and some anon asked me where they were and i said they didn’t give me their new blog, and remy like went off on me saying it was because i didn’t care about them, and i was SO confused why they were suddenly picking a fight with me outta the blue just because i told an anon some vague bullshit. when i said “they didn’t give me their new blog” it wasn’t accusatory at all, it was just kind of a fact?

they dragged this conversation on with me and the more it went on the angrier and more fed up i got. they basically cited all these neurodivergent-related reasons why they did certain things, and when i said “i understand, i do these opposite things because of my own mental illness” they got resentful of me? and the conversation just petered out and thankfully i haven’t heard from them since.

later on an anonymous source alerted me that they were vagueblogging about me back while we were friends? they really hated probably my most important coping ship, had this whole au in their head where it was abusive, and they basically claimed that my special interest rambling infodumps on my blog were directly to antagonize them...? i checked the posts and they matched up entirely lmao. i remember seeing those posts on my dash but i never would’ve thought they were about me, how angry they were. i can’t imagine just... being that mad at someone you consider a friend and electing to yell into the void about it rather than ask them to tag something/talk it out with them.

overall it was a super unhealthy friendship and they always talked over me and made me scared to state my own opinion and looking at some of the signs i’m really kinda scared for how it woulda turned out if i stayed there. there were... a lot of red flags, in retrospect.

#wendy rambles #Anonymous #wendy answers

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dankpaladin · 7 years

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Heyo!! OMG MY OWN TAG! I feel very honored! Well I do have Google with all its extras and Skype(all these to talk to people directly) but ive been debating whether to get tumblr or Twitter. I don't which to get both have their merits and downsides so... Idek any more :// I saw the content you've been posting, IT IS AWESOME! You go tell em! I found ur blog on a Voltron Directory Blog they had u listed and said it's ship free so here I am! ~Z

Part 2 (bc I talk too much): I LOVED THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! It was beautiful (Lance lacked in that department tho but I feel like they’re building him up for S3) I wish they would regard Coran as more of a caring character than a comic relief one (so much potential flashbacks w/Altean past!). The Keith arc tho. My soul cannot take it anymore. Hunk and Keith bonding! (It’s precious)! ~Z

P3(shut youp Z!): I want a direct opinion on how to call Pidge? My siblings, my bestie (i brainwashed them in joining the fandom *cackles*)and I regard her as a she but the fandom say that we are against gender fluid characters and I got scared cause I didn’t mean that!? But Pidge was awesome! (Leads on her bro!!) WHERE IS SHIRO HE BETTER BE ALIVE DREAMWORKS OR THIS GIRL WILL BE MAD! All in all I love Voltron more. Ur opinion? ~Z

Yes! you have your own tag! :-) a good way to file our discussions in one place! and oh ok that makes a lot of sense. my sister doesn’t have social media either but she has a fair idea of what’s going on in fandom thanks to me & bcos of her own lurking as well. and thats totally fine! there’s no need to force yourself to make either! OH lmao I completely forgot abt the directory. the description is sorta inaccurate now since Im not Lnce biased anymore so. though I will still be ship free! Thank u for your support and kind words! 💓

I agree abt Coran. tbh he is the True Space Mom, like I really enjoyed his moments with Lance in S1 like when he consoled him on his homesickness & then when they were both cleaning the cryo-pods. and like.. how he cares about Allura so much!?! ok and also, Im sure you’ve heard this already bc i dont think anybody was impressed lmao but I wasn’t a big fan of how they shoehorned Hunk into a comic relief role either, like the food jokes were just.. poor taste. I don’t think the creators meant to demean him in any way, but with the more serious & weighty tone of the main arc focusing on Keith and his heritage, they needed to have that comic relief to balance it out. Not justifying Hunk’s treatment he rly did deserve better but I can see why they did that. I dont like it though.

Lmao the fandom is SO harsh Im sorry you were made 2 feel that way. I think both she & they pronouns are fair game. though its canon that Pidge identifies as a girl—whether trans or cis is all headcanon territory—thanks to that one scene where she was told to ‘man up’. To add though, I see her as sort of on the spectrum... like a demigirl. i don’t think she feels strongly about gender.. as in.. she doesnt seem to hinge a lot of her identity on it? not saying that gender unimportant to her, but compared to the grand scheme of things: the whereabouts of her brother, being a paladin of voltron etc, I doubt she puts a lot of weight into it. but when she is confronted with it lmao like that little scene in the space mall and how confused she was.. Pidge is still young and like, gender is fluid, like you said. she’s probably trying to get a grip on her own gender identity herself .. and thats very much an ongoing process. I think its really open to interpretation, so either one is all right. I think he/him pronouns would be misgendering though since she did express discomfort*

Pidge was really endearing throughout the season THOUGH! I have a little. bit of criticism. but its not about her, but how her intelligence was framed? it was poor taste how the show needed to make Lance & Hunk look dumb to make Pidge look smart. considering race and all, it’s really REALLY! poor taste having to discredit two brown boys’ intelligence in order to elevate a white person’s? Like i know the creators probably didn’t mean to do that, but thats what happened when they made both Hunk & Lance the comic reliefs! I’m sure there is a way to frame Pidge as her genius self without degrading H&L, like u could have them nodding along & extending upon her ideas. HUNK at the very least who’s supposed to be the engineer of the team should have been 😕. I read somewhere on a twitter that they could both be like translators lmao, and like explain Pidge’s rambles in layman’s terms to Shiro and Keith (who prob know nothing abt engineering and all that, being solely pilots and all) and Allura and whoever else is lost lmao. Like i don’t think making them look dumb was necessary at all 😔

Im super concerned about Shiro as well 😭 Other fans are guessing he’s stuck on that astral plane which makes sense of his really really abrupt disappearance. im really curious abt whether his stay in the astral plane will involve more black lion flashbacks + more fleshing out on the history of Voltron? That would be really interesting.

And no! dont shut up! Ever!! I’m eager to read & discuss as u can see w my own long response lol! This was really enjoyable to reply to!!

*note: I’m not an expert on gender identity.. like I do relate to Pidge abt this a lot lol so if I said anything offensive/incorrect, please let me know so I can improve upon myself!

#z anon #s2 discussion #voltron s2

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