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nexusnyx · 1 year

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keep close | joel miller

Summary: It takes you six months to break. You thought you'd last longer. Tried convincing yourself that everything in your head was because he saved you, not because of real attraction. One night, Joel proves that to be wrong. a/n: I'm nothing if a byproduct of my environment. And my environment right now is a mind palace made only of Pedro's role... so here we go. Reblogs and comments are much appreciated. [WC: 3.7k] Warnings: Mostly fluff. A hint of indecent thoughts, so maybe reader discretion is advised? Protective!Joel, strangers to friends, unresolved sexual tension.

masterlist

What lived under your skin the most was Joel's duality.

Registering the range of what he was proved to be a difficult task from the very beginning.

Here he was, the man who saved you. The man who somehow, despite the gritty and cruel ways of existence, managed to keep a kind bone in his body. Kind enough to step in when you were in danger, even if he didn't need to. Life-threatening danger—most people would look away these days. But not him. Not Joel.

Here he was, the man who was kind enough to look you in the eye when he saw you crunched down in a corner, sweating profusely due to the wounds and most likely looking like a rabid or wild animal, and still tried putting some calmness to his voice before asking: "Can you walk? I heard you. 'm gonna help, ok?"

That man. The same one who beat the bastards who were keeping you to a pulp. That man, currently, slept only a couple of feet away from you, with his face half-tucked inside his scarf and jacket, and for the first time in your life, you saw Joel... smiling.

It was the first time you witnessed it.

The book on his lap told you he fell asleep mid-chapter. While the sprain and cuts were minor compared to what they could be, Joel fussed as if they were broken bones. The most worrisome part was your ribs, but those, he cut out fabric from an old t-shirt of his ("they're all old now though, aren't they?") and wrapped your body as firmly as he could.

It made you smile, even if only at your own reflection in the bathroom mirror.

How could this be the same man?

Sometimes, you closed your eyes and saw him like that.

Mid-fight, rage and sadness oozing out of him as if they were radiation, his fists flying so fast it seems impossible to catch up to the act.

When violence is needed, Joel breaks the calm surface and introduces outsiders to the storm within.

It goes calm, storm, drizzle.

He'd never change that.

Now that it was too late, Joel would always be this sea of turbulent waters, often hidden by its vastness.

Joel "I will punch you in the throat" Miller asked you very few questions at first.

Dinner on the day he rescued had been awkward, to say the least.

Not that it mattered in the long run.

What was awkwardness in the face of not looking over your shoulder, and what was feeling left out and intrusive in comparison to the jittery stress of always checking if the gun is loaded?

Nothing.

Having two people close by who seemed alright in the head — a rarity, if there ever was one —trumped it all.

Joel and Ellie were headed West. So were you.

It was logical, only. Or it was, at first.

"I could definitely use an extra pair of hands with this one," Joel admitted. It was the first night walking together after one week stationed at the same place to wait for yours and Ellie's healing—a night of dubious whiskey and traded information.

"She doesn't seem that difficult," you answered, eyeing Ellie's sleeping frame on the other side of camp.

He scoffs. "She isn't." His lips pursed in a thin line. "I just—" his shoulders shrugged. "Think she might get bored with just me."

For someone who had barely said a word for a whole week, it was more than you first perceived him to be. "The world's quite a boring place now," you whispered. Then, shrugged your shoulders just the same. I don't care. "I like it."

"Do you?"

"I do." You remembered how noisy things were. So many nowadays lacked the age for that, but not you. "'s nice hearing nature. And that one," you tilted your chin towards Ellie, "should be happy to be alive."

The truth of that hung in the air.

That first conversation sealed it for you—Joel making an effort to ask things and answer your inquiries surprised you.

"Think we can keep her alive 'till we get to the Fireflies base?" Joel asked you.

You thought it over for a second, and came to a conclusion. "We can definitely try." A purpose other than escaping — all you've ever known — and surviving sounded good to you. "And if that's your mission, probabilities of success rise with another member on the team."

That night, all you got out of him was one eyebrow raised. "Is that so?" It sounded teasing, but he looked so serious saying it. "Well. 'm gonna hope you're as good with that rifle as you are with your probabilities."

To his delight, he quickly discovered you were.

Faster, even.

Joel might have risen an eyebrow at first, but your sentence proved to be true in the next couple of months. There's a team there. The two of you do your best at trying, even through hardships.

When there are no Fireflies, you make Ellie look away from the bloodshed. With no clear plan or direction in sight, you're a helpful extra set of eyes when Joel decides it's best to look for Tommy.

In all of the three months where you, Joel, and Ellie head towards Wyoming, a routine is established, and the days looking after each other make it hard to pretend there's any distance between your little group.

Ellie is fond of your Encyclopedia of Unbelievable Facts.

She's a quick learner, an agile fighter with a wicked sense of humor, and enough cursing to rival you in the games of "unladylike shit and sounding like pirates, honestly," as stated by Joel.

He hid a lot of his amusement in scoffs and sighs, you thought.

Joel is fond of doing perimeter checks, sleeping on his side, and 'peace and quiet'.

It takes you a bit to understand that it's easier to pull conversation from him when Ellie is safe and sound. Tucked in her sleeping bag, showering in the river streams (and swearing incessantly under her breath), eating her food.

Without Ellie around, Joel opens up, bit by bit.

He talks about Tess.

About how close he and Tommy always were.

"I bailed him out of jail, y'know? That night of..." he doesn't say it.

Most of us never do. "Did you?"

He chuckles drily. "I did." He shakes his head, sips his water. "Stupid fucker."

"More like lucky fucker." When Joel turns his head to you with furrowed eyebrows, you elaborate. "If you hadn't gone, no more Tommy."

Joel takes a second before nodding. "Yeah."

"Were you always bailing him out of trouble?"

His face softened for a second. Before him, you embraced the darkness as you did the silence, but now, you wished for better lighting. "Often. Once, he and I were at our dad's house on a winter hunting trip. He hated those at first, but before..."

You started living for the stories.

Joel's presence became warm when he shared.

Vivid, and so fucking tempting.

It was all soft whispers back and forth, until the day he dropped her name.

"Sarah."

You knew the second you heard it—an open wound starts smelling the longer it stays open, and this one carried literal weight to it.

A whiff in the wind, and mourning was all over the air.

Joel left, and in the morning, nothing more is said.

Colorado changes everything.

It gives you the smile.

It comes at a cost, like everything else.

Since there's been no Tommy, you advise and convince Joel to check the Fireflies base here, only to find out they're relocated to Salt Lake City. When you three are coming out of the building with the fresh news hot on your laps, a group tries to ambush and kidnap you three.

As it does in this world without order, hell breaks lose.

Other than hell, a lot more breaks—protocol, jaws, ideas, trust.

Theirs thankfully.

You, Joel, and Ellie make it out alive, but not good.

You find a safehouse in a mountain cabin.

"Friend of Tommy's used to live here. Thank fuck it's still here," said Joel.

"Thank fuck indeed 'cause I don't know how much longer I can—oh fuck, fuck, fuck, Joel."

"Hey, hey, take it easy, slow down." Joel is just if not more fucked up than you from the fight, but he's still the one holding you up. He whistles—a call for Ellie. "Help with her other side, we can finish lighting up the place afterward. She needs to lie down."

Ellie hooks her frame underneath your left side, and you thank her with your weak and sweaty smile. "And your sure just lying down and resting will heal her rib?"

"It just cracked. Bones heal, El."

"I'm just checking." Ellie always checks. "You might need some penicillin, too. That knife looked ugly."

"I'll get it once we're all cleaned up. I'll go on a run," says Joel.

You're hurt too, you bastard.

"I'm the only one not limping here, can't I go?" asks Ellie.

"No," you and Joel say in unison. "I'll go tomorrow. I'm bruised, but nothing's infected. I think I saw a warehouse down there."

Ellie sighs next to your ear. Then, she mumbles to you right before you're lied down on the bed. "Bet this will be Pittsburg two."

Pittsburg.

The fight. Joel deciding to save you despite your brother almost ruining Ellie's life.

Joel's frame sleeping next to your cot.

"You shouldn't have run off like that."

Not a single request for your apologies, or a comment on the shitshow that happened before you just 'ran off'.

Joel, the same man who saved you from a group of lunatics by bashing one of their member's head against the nearest tree, huffed and puffed before saying, "you saved Ellie's life by shooting your brother. and... i'm sorry about what came after that."

An apology from him.

How was that fair?

"You don't need—to thank me."

"I do."

"...You just saved my life, Joel."

"Well, you saved Ellie's, so consider us even."

That was then.

That was before deciding you were a team. Before heading West, before finding out about Salt Lake, before the attack.

Joel probably needed to rest himself.

Except—

There he is.

The first thing you think upon waking up in the candle-lit room.

Joel slept next to you, almost as if keeping guard.

It stirs the strings in your chest.

It's one thing to be observed by him after he saved you from those three men because you're bruised and traumatized by the whole thing.

It's whole other to know Joel is just as bruised.

Six months have passed since then.

A lot has happened. More than you could compute, sometimes, but less than your heart desired.

All the struggles, the Infected, the long days of walking, and the hard nights of worrying have molded this new thing into its own ecosystem.

This Joel sleeping on an old mattress right next to you lets Ellie take watch because he trusts her abilities and her notion of danger. He knows if you two prefer your 'apocalypse grub' — an Ellie trademark term — all mixed together or separated, if you can be trusted with the bourbon bottle (no), and that your taste in music is "atrocious but expected" (his words, clearly).

This Joel knew you kept your distance for a reason.

He'd seen it in you, months ago.

And yet, there he was.

With the book — your book — in his lap, sitting with his back to the wall and his legs already tucked inside the raggedy blankets you found in one of the cabinets.

Joel's extensive list of injuries had you waking up in a cold sweat, but the same as you, he seemed to recover fast.

In two days, he's wincing less to get up, and comments on his wishes to go look for pharmaceuticals.

That's the night you wake up to him sleeping—both of you could do it, but he insisted on taking turns.

When your eyes open, first, you see the book.

Then, you notice he moved the mattress closer to yours.

They're touching.

The raggedy blankets make them look like a single bed, and the thought feels foreign.

Next, you notice...

Joel is right there.

Sure, he's a few inches away, but... you could touch his legs if you extended your arm. All it would take is a little bit of wiggling to make a pillow out of his thighs, and you know how much more comfortable than what you have underneath you.

His smile is the last thing you see.

Not because you skipped his face—on the contrary, Joel's face is the first thing you see in the morning and the last you see at night.

Maybe that's why.

He never had this.

A gentle, real smile.

You hardly blame him. There are no reasons to smile nowadays, not for long. Not without sadness poisoning the eyes, or without the grin turning into a grimace.

Joel is smiling.

His dream must be good, because his features all softened somehow.

Good gods, he's handsome.

That's why you look so little at his face. The real reason.

Staring at Joel too much can cause you to think of nothing else, and in month one you learned the lesson of eyes wide open or head blown open wide.

Mistakes meant death.

Joel's eyes crinkled as he lifted one of his mouth's corners in the closest thing that could come off as a 'smile', and that meant distraction, which meant an eventual mistake, and so on.

When your gaze searches for the lines left by his crinkles, Joel's eyes are on you.

As serene as the quietude outside, Joel stares down, and in a contrast to the weather howling cold winds outsides, your body says it is morning, and it rises.

The longer he stares, the more it rises.

Your blood pumps harder under his gaze.

Joel knows that. He has to.

Silence with fixed gazes turns the air into a thick, palpable fog.

Why is he staring? It's probably the busted eyebrow. Busted lip. Joel never stares at you, never looks too long, too hard, never looks enough—

"I can almost hear you thinkin'," Joel's voice is a whisper, but it startles you nonetheless. Not in fear.

Once, somewhere, you read something you never forgot. The body, it always betrays itself. It blushes. It trembles.

It was true.

The shiver is involuntary.

Your mother used to say the sound of sirens meant trouble and ever since, you always heard sirens in your head as you panicked. "Was observin' your hair," laugh, look away, know your place. "It's gettin' whiter."

It gets a chuckle. A tight-lipped smile. "I'm gettin' older."

"So you say." Constantly.

The first reminder of why he kept his distance, probably. Of why he had no interest in you. Too young.

"Doesn't it look like it?"

You shrug, hugging the makeshift pillow tighter under your head. "'m not so sure how old people are supposed to look." Definitely not this good, right? This broad. Soft. Strong "Haven't been around many."

Joel points at himself. "Right here."

"You're not old."

His lip twitches. "No?"

"No."

"I'm over my forties."

"That's not old." You don't know why you're arguing. You never argue.

Joel closes the book, then hums. "I remember the world before it turned to ruins and vines."

Maybe it's because he's so damn close. Your fingers itched to touch him countless times before, but usually, there are more counterarguments in your head as to why you shouldn't. "So do I."

The smile returns to his face, but it's the awake and lucid kind—a little sadistic. Sad. "Let me rectify it—I lived in it."

"So did I." Albeit, not much. "Less than you, though." A decade or so more. Almost two.

"Right." Joel takes a deep breath, and the movement quiets you down.

Sometimes, you wished you had just a few years more. Five, or six would suffice. Would he look at you, then?

As the silence goes on, your mind starts with at least three different scenarios where Joel met you under different circumstances.

"Can't sleep anymore?"

There's no shiver this time, but you look up at him again, desperate to see some more of his sleepy eyes and that damned smile.

"Don't know," you whisper.

If he smiles again, you'll count the night as a win. Tuck his happiness somewhere out in the front of your mind to see if it occupies space. If it makes you think less of what he used to be like as a lover.

The tainted thoughts always make you avert your eyes, but this time, you have the benefit of only candle lights, so you let the embarrassment burn you as you keep staring.

Joel is looking at your face the same way. Heavy eyelids, gaze searching.

"Does it hurt anywhere?"

The question makes your brain swim in the lingering pain, but for other reasons.

Every scenario still opened in your mind leads to the same corridor—he placed his big hands on your neck right now to feel your temperature and caressed somewhere in your body to put you to sleep.

Somewhere he could touch the skin.

Through foggy vision you see Joel starting to frown, so you're quick to answer before he worries.

"'m just uncomfortable." True enough. "Anxious."

He nods. "Makes sense." He exhales slowly, placing the book on the floor next to the mattresses. "It'll take a while to calm down from it. It... they came out of nowhere." You nod. He clasps his hands together on his lap. "It could've been a lot worse."

Your group had a rule. "No what ifs about the past."

Joel made your heart jumpstart all over again by almost doing it—he almost smiled. "Right. Sorry."

"We're both in one piece."

"We are." He looked down at you and then, in a gesture that your entire body freezing on the spot, one of Joel's hands leaves his lap, and makes its way to you. It places on top of your head. In administrated, slow moves, it starts petting your hair. Then, Joel speaks. As if you can listen. "None of us needs penicillin..."

His words seem to trail off.

You need a second longer to relax under his touch. When you do, the tension melts so visibly you might as well be snow under the sun.

This time, the silence is thick.

Liquid.

When his hand moves lower, it ends up on your back, rubbing between the shoulder blades, and clearing the line of sight for his eyes again.

That's when he must see it.

The second he started to touch you, your blood become fuel. You could feel it burning hot inside your veins, moving faster than it ever did with you two alone in a room. The only times it's beaten like this before you were either in life-threatening danger, or muffling your sounds behind your hand as your other did quick work between your legs.

Joel sees it.

Even if the illumination comes only from the candles, he has to see it.

The way your lips parted for him.

There's no way your eyes aren't saying as much as the temperature your body is exuding.

Joel keeps on rubbing circles for a few more seconds, but eventually, he whispers. "What?"

It makes you want to cry.

If you answer, he'll probably do the thing. He'll turn you down gently, politely.

You shake your head, swallowing a lump in your throat. "Nothing." Your eyes sting. I want you so badly it makes me a bit crazy sometimes. Instead of that, you settle for whispering. "How d'you feel?"

It takes him a minute to answer. His eyes keep shifting between where his hand is rubbing and your face. "Good. Hurts less. Unfortunately, that means thinking more."

"Dangerous."

"You have no idea," he chuckles.

This time, the silence lasts. You keep on staring, while Joel is happy to continue making your back and hair feel a tingling warmth they never saw before.

"Is this ok?" he asks eventually.

Without noticing, your eyes had closed.

Always a man of few words. "Of course."

He nods to you. "'kay."

Stay here. Don't go anywhere.

Watch out for her.

Keep close.

Those and okay. The words you most heard over these past months.

When your eyes open again, Joel's hand is traveling back to your hair and this time, the silence between you two becomes a cord.

Tension.

His fingers do careful work once they find your strands—goosebumps rise all over your skin and for the first time, you're thankful for wearing long sleeves even to bed.

You know there are words hanging in the air, begging to be said, but...

Insecurity pulls you back.

Even if your eyes keep locked on his for a small amount of forever, you swallow down your wants and needs in fear of being blinded by your own attraction and ending up projecting yours on him.

All Joel does is stare back.

Maybe if you weren't inexperienced. Maybe if you had any previous knowledge of what intimacy and relationships had been like, but this world was not the same as before and things were... harder.

So you burned in silence.

Eventually, you burned for him in the dark of your sub-conscience.

With the ghost of Joel's hand still on your nape, caressing on top of your hair, you dive into a deep slumber, and it's in dreams that everything cracks.

You're not even present in mind to witness his world shift.

Joel, in silence, watched you going under. Watched those eyes staring up at him with so much said, so much written in between your lines. He watched with his heart pounding in his chest loud enough for him to hear.

When you sleep, he observes with reverence.

Trying to push down the feelings curling up inside him.

That's when he hears it.

Spoken through your glued lips at first, then louder, more confidently. Joel's heard your sleeping mumbles before, but this one is the one that breaks him.

"Joel..." soft. Breathless. Dangerously low. And then, "Joel."

That's when Joel realizes it—late at night, alone in the silence.

It changes something in him.

📝 PART TWO →

#usernexusnyx #joel miller #joel miller imagine #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfic #joel miller drabble #joel miller one shot #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fluff #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x reader #joel miller self insert #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female character #joel miller angst #joel miller smut

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etoiile · 3 months

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HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

starring itoshi sae!

synopsis: itoshi sae thinks valentines day is stupid. its a stupid holiday for stupid people to give each other stupidly overpriced chocolates and flowers. he's never done anything for any girl for valentines day, so why does he find himself wanting to do something for you?

requested by @unknownedvampire !

notes: a small drabble for the gals who don't have valentines </3 (me...)

"kaiser," sae grumbled, looking up from his lunch, "what now?"

kaiser plopped down across from him, ignoring sae's attitude. "so, what are you gonna do for y/n this year?"

sae glanced up at him and went back to his food. "her birthday isn't for months, stupid."

"no, for valentines day." kaiser grinned, trying to get into the mind of itoshi sae.

sae rolled his eyes, a flicker of annoyance crossing his face. "valentine's day is stupid. it's just stupid people making a stupid holiday for their stupid overpriced chocolates and flowers. i've never done anything for any girl on valentine's day."

kaiser chuckled, nudging him. "come on, if you don't make y/n happy on valentine's, someone else will..."

sae glared at him, but chose to stay silent.

but as the days passed, sae couldn't shake the thought that unlike him, y/n actually liked valentine's day. she would talk about it from time to time, her eyes lighting up with excitement. she talked about her love for all the hearts and all the pink, though she would quickly shut herself down, knowing how sae felt about it.

kaiser continued to pester sae about his valentine's day plans, saying something like, "someone's gonna snatch her up!" but sae remained resistant, dismissing the whole idea. however, a tiny seed of consideration had been planted in his mind. he found himself observing y/n from a distance, noticing the subtle joy that valentine's day seemed to bring her.

eventually, that seed grew into a reluctant acknowledgment. he realized that even if it meant participating in the holiday he deemed "stupid" and "lukewarm," it would be worth it to see y/n smile. so, with a hint of bashfulness and an uncharacteristic softness, sae found himself standing in front of y/n's locker on valentine's day, an equally uncharacteristically sweet, thoughtful gift in his bag.

"oh! sae? what's up?" you smiled, bumping into him after putting your stuff in your locker.

"i, uh, have something for you." he mumbled, a pink dusting on his cheeks.

you put your cheek out expectantly, knowing how this is how he usually tells you he'd like to kiss you, but you were surprised when he instead pulled out a small gift bag.

too stunned to speak, you slowly took the bag. "sae? what's this? i thought you didn't like valentine's?"

he rubbed his neck nervously. "yeah. but you do."

your heart swelled at his sweetness. "thank you, sae."

excitedly, you opened the bag to reveal one of those eternal roses and a small card.

a smile spread across your face as you pulled out the contents. sae shifted awkwardly, his usual gruff demeanor replaced by a rare (actually, not-so-rare nowadays, but he'd rather die than admit it) moment of bashfulness.

"uh, yeah. it's dumb, but... happy valentine's day, or whatever," he muttered, avoiding eye contact.

"it's not dumb," you replied sincerely, admiring the rose. "thank you, sae. this means a lot to me."

sae mumbled something incoherent, a mix of embarrassment and a faint hint of satisfaction that he made you happy. you decided not to tease him, appreciating the effort he had put into this seemingly small gesture.

"i love you!" you grinned, pressing a sweet kiss to his cheek.

his face flushed, matching the color of his hair. "i love you too."

sae was never much of a guy for valentines day, but for you and your sweet smiles and kisses, he thinks that maybe he can be.

extra:

you got home later that day and opened up the card sae wrote for you. inside, it read, "valentines day is stupid, but you aren't. i know i don't show it much, but i love you a lot. just like this rose, my love for you will never die. happy valentine's day, y/n. -sae"

(you texted him later teasing him about how cheesy he is.)

#ami writes 💌#im working on other ppl's rqs dw!! u have not been forgotten!!#sae x reader #sae fluff #sae x you #sae drabble #sae imagines #bllk fluff #bllk x reader #blue lock fluff #blue lock x reader #blue lock drabbles #blue lock imagines

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kindnessoverperfection · 9 months

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I want to break down a common point of conflict when addressing NPD stigma.

A lot of hangups people have tend to be along the lines of "but I DO see a lot of people with actual NPD who are acting in toxic or abusive ways".

This will be kind of long, so bear with me.

Point #1: People are way more likely to be diagnosed if they exhibit "stereotypical" symptoms.

There's this image of NPD as a disorder that is only present in those with patterns of destructive behavior towards others. Many therapists have this conception. (Shockingly, the mental health field is not perfect & without stigma.)

Gonna copy-paste this here from my other blog (so forgive me if you've seen it before), because it's a good example.

Three people are criticized at work. Their boss yells at them for their performance in front of everyone. Person A gets mad and defensive. They yell back, using cutting remarks as a way to try and ease the distress they feel. Person B acts really mature and responsible the whole time, nodding along and agreeing and promising to do better, just desperate to maintain and improve their status. Desperate to be liked. Later they go home and handle their distress through self-destructive means, and spend the next few months overworking themself to the point of illness. Person C doesn't seem to respond much at all. They go quiet and seem distant. They don't lash out or lash in, but for the next month or so, their productivity drops. They simply aren't able to focus on work or self-care, no matter how hard they try. The stress is overwhelming. All three of these people have the same root issues, but only the first would be labeled a narcissist. Outwards behaviors and presentations don't reflect the pain, distress, and difficulties with life that are underlying them.

So, three main things happen.

There ends up being a higher rate of people with destructive behaviors who are diagnosed with NPD

The people who don't particularly exhibit behaviors and are considered ""too nice to have it"" are overlooked entirely (and never get any sort of help for their underlying issues, yayyy)

People are more likely to be more honest about "ugly" symptoms / symptoms that are frowned down upon than they are in other mental health communities.

(Also some people decide to act super edgy about it, which is annoying but here we are. Some of them are trolls.)

(And while I'm at it, some people are misdiagnosed with NPD because a psych sees someone who committed a violent crime and is like "uhh slap them with the Evil Asshole™ disorders!! no further thought given.")

Point #2: People who have messed up are not inhuman monsters who deserve no help or support

While I do think it's important for people to understand that patterns of toxic behaviors aren't the ONLY way NPD can present, I'm not going to let the conversation stop at "some of us are nice though!!"

Human beings aren't RPG characters who can be sorted into "monster" or "ally". Every single person has done something hurtful, has messed up, exhibits some sort of behavior that puts strain on their relationships sometimes.

So I'll bullet point some aspects of this that need to be talked about.

People without NPD also commonly exhibit toxic behaviors, but people ignore that nowadays. Either they armchair diagnose anyone who's slightly rude, or they only focus on it in pwNPD and ignore it in themselves or others. NTs can be jerks too, and they're probably less likely to acknowledge it than pwNPD who are constantly watching and checking themselves and analyzing their behaviors and attempting to do better.

Assuming that NPD makes someone abusive doesn't help anyone. Can it impact behaviors, and make it more difficult for people to be self-aware? Of course. But an important step in healing from any mental health condition (especially personality disorders, ime) is realizing that you're not inherently ""bad"", and that you can take responsibility for your actions and learn to deal with things in constructive ways. Just going "NPD makes people bad, full stop"- other than being a mean shitty thing to say- absolves people of guilt and asserts that there's no reason for them to try and improve.

Yes, it's okay for people to hate their abusers. Their abuser. Not an entire community of people who happen to (maybe) share a trait with them.

Building on the above point, people tend to go in defense mode when they hear things like "pwNPD who have acted in toxic ways can learn to improve their behavior", "people shouldn't be saying awful things about folks with this condition", etc. because they automatically try to apply this to their abuser. Interpersonal situations are very different from society-wide mental health access. No, don't stay with your abuser expecting them to change, and don't hold onto the hope that they will. No, don't censor yourself or your hatred or anger towards them. Just don't make blanket statements about a disorder that they may or may not have- blame their abusive actions, not their mental health.

"I hate you for your abusive actions and the harm that you caused me." =/= "I hate a group of people because of an inherent unchangeable part of them that's tied directly to severe childhood trauma they suffered. Because of it, they're evil and unlovable and are incapable of change. They're inhuman and will never experience real connection with others." ..........See the difference??

Even if there were a disorder with a 100% rate of toxic douchey behaviors, I'd want the conversation around it to be changed. I'd want different words to be used to divide up the spaces and conversations and resources, so that survivors of abusive or toxic behavior can get help, but that the disorder still has space to be treated. Otherwise, there are zero resources for healing. Nothing is being done to help these people or solve the issue. They're just told they may as well not try. They're blocked from healthcare entirely, despite how the entire point of being diagnosed with a condition is supposed to be to treat it.

There's a wide range of people who have NPD- it presents in many different ways, a person who has it may or may not exhibit harmful behaviors- but no one deserves to be denied treatment or told they're unlovable because of a condition they have that was formed from trauma.

Speak out against abusive behavior. Don't destroy healthcare for a medical condition.

#actuallynpd #npd stigma #narcissistic personality disorder

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blueskittlesart · 7 months

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What advice would you give beginner artists?

it's fine to want to do more stylized art, but nothing will help you improve quickly like studying from life. even if you want to draw very stylized figures, life drawing is still going to help you understand how the human body works and then you can build your stylization off of that understanding. I also recommend studying specifically things you're looking to improve--if you feel like your poses aren't dynamic, ask your model to do some quick (1-2 min) dynamic poses and work on getting the gesture down. if you're looking for anatomy, ask for longer, more static poses and really study the contours of the body. this also applies for portraiture and character art--my expressions and facial structure improved like CRAZY when i started doing portrait studies from life! (note: i know live model sessions aren't accessible for everyone. i'm a huge advocate for nude models, if you can find a studio nearby that's affordable to you that offers sessions, that's the best you're gonna get. however, there are sites that will give you photos of nude models to draw from, too, or you can even just ask friends or family to pose for you when they aren't busy, that's what i did before i started getting model sessions from my school!)

materials are not everything but sometimes a good material can make a difference. it's important to know what's worth it and what isn't for your skill level. invest in some decent-quality supplies or a good art program, but understand that you're still going to need to work to understand your materials and use them to their fullest potential. (if you're a digital artist buy csp. trust me on this. get it on sale. it will change your life. also do not fucking use photoshop)

tracing is ok. listen to me. TRACING. IS. OK. tracing is how you learn. don't trace other people's art and pass it off as your own, obviously, but there is literally no problem with tracing real-life reference photos. I routinely trace references for backgrounds and the like. there is no reason for you to kill yourself trying to make complex perspective and shit up from your head when you can very easily just overlay a photo and get what you need.

in that same vein, USE REFERENCE PHOTOS. find pics online or take pics of yourself and USE THEM to see how your poses work. it makes it SO SO SO much easier. the understanding that you need to create a pose out of nowhere will come with time but you're not going to get that skill unless you have a foundation of understanding how the real human body works, and the easiest way to get that understanding is by copying photos of real people.

last but not least, there's generally a sort of 'rulebook' that new artists are expected to go by, especially online, when it comes to digital art. when i was first learning, it was all about lineart and cell shading, two things that I didn't really like. Nowadays it seems to be all about rendering. the single most important thing i can tell you is if it sucks you don't have to do it. if you hate lineart just color your sketches. if you hate shading don't shade, or find a different way to shade that you enjoy more. if rendering is annoying or difficult for you DON'T BOTHER!! art is supposed to be fun. if part of your process is annoying or upsetting to you, cut it the fuck out. don't torture yourself just to do art the "right" way. i guarantee your art will look better when you're having fun making it anyway!

#asks #ALSO don't go in expecting to monetize your social media presence/go viral as an artist. make art for YOU and make what you want to make.#if your art has passion behind it then attention will come naturally!

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agronzky · 8 months

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⠀⠀⠀𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐎 𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐀 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐈𝐍 𝐑𝐏.

⠀⠀⠀Anyone who knows me or has rp with me knows how much I love building ambiguous — or grey, if you prefer — characters or villains. The drama, the chaos, the complex plot… It all makes everything more interesting, especially once you get bored of characters who are exclusively nice, naive and suchlike. Even so, it's a construction that needs to take several factors into account and be very delicately written so it doesn't become a trigger rather than a character.

⠀⠀⠀For this reason, below I've provided some tips on how to create villainous characters for rp, taking into account various traits, setting and also demystifying the fact that not every villain is a soulless monster. Anyway, on to the guide.

Deep and personal motivations.

⠀⠀⠀Convincing villains usually have compelling and understandable motivations, even if their actions are highly questionable. It's the premise of them being right in their quest, but using the wrong means to achieve it and ultimately losing their reason. This brings a sense of humanity and it's even possible to feel connected to what led this person to become a villain. You can truly see how they lost the way.

⠀⠀⠀Another point is the fact that not everyone wants to conquer the world, nor do they have the ambition to have a lot of money or power. Think of plots about revenge, twisted love, the quest for justice or fear. Generally, a character's deepest motivations give them more determination to fulfill their goals because it comes from something much more internal and traumatic. Give them a proper reason and make them lose the way, this is gonna make everything feel real, convincing and interesting to developed.

Moral complexity.

⠀⠀⠀The simple truth is the days of people liking completely cartoonish characters are long gone, and nowadays many people don't like those who are evil simply for the sake of being evil. This is because it's too out of touch with reality. Obviously there are people who are like that in real life, but the vast majority is more complex than this. Humans, in the end, are very complicated and, probably, will never truly understand why we are the way we are.

⠀⠀⠀To get away of this cliché and cartoonish form when creating your character, try to develop moral nuances and internal dilemmas which can explain their actions. Put a small fragment of morality in the character, make them question themselves a few times as to whether they're on the right path… Remember yin yang: there's a little tiny good inside the evil. This tip can be used for any character, when you think about it, but it's very important for those who want to create villains.

Human traits, personality and vulnerabilities.

⠀⠀⠀Like any human being, provide your character with traits unmistakably human, such as fears, insecurities or personal relationships that will impact them, to make them more realistic. Just because someone is doing something morally wrong doesn't mean they've lost all touch with their humanity, especially since not every villain is a psychopath who has no empathy for anyone. It's always very interesting when a character believes they're doing what's right or good for someone else, and this is their motivation.

⠀⠀⠀Also bring some weaknesses to the character, whether physical, emotional or psychological. This provides room for development and also ways for other characters to access them in a more specific way, either to get to know them better or to retaliate against them at some point.

⠀⠀⠀You know that line "Do you like my personality? I created it especially for you!"? Well, consider how the character behaves and bring in more layers when making the personality. Take into account how they behave in different situations and with different people.

Charisma and a magnetic nature.

⠀⠀⠀The fact is that bad guys aren't unbearable one hundred per cent of the time, they need to know how to live in society and captivate people. So define unique and appealing traits for the character, whether they're genuine or merely a façade. It's always interesting when, within the plot, most people don't know about the evil or wrong side of a character because it gives them more room for development. Maybe make them ashamed of what they're doing and try to hide it as best they can. And just think about real life: do we truly know the people around us?

Connection with other characters.

⠀⠀⠀Nobody lives completely alone since we're in a society and this makes us having connections, for more simple they can be. Thinking about that, create connections with other characters to bring more motivation and drama to your muse, such as an old rivalry, a complicated personal relationship or a surprising connection which generates tension. You can also create connections that actually bring their good side to light, you know? It's also always good to add a certain complexity, to have troubled moments, wounds that haven't healed fully, secrets being revelead, etc.

Questions for creating villains.

What are the character's main motivations?

What is the character's origin story? What led them to become what they are today?

What are the past traumas or events that have shaped their worldview?

How does the character justify their actions morally? Does they believe they are doing the right thing?

What are their weaknesses and vulnerabilities?

How does the character present themselves to the world? Are they masked, manipulative or showy?

What do they want to achieve through their actions?

What are their emotional reactions to obstacles and challenges?

How do they justify their actions to themselves? Is there any sense of internal validation?

How do they relate to the authorities or the law?

How do they see themselves? Do they see themselves as the hero of their own story?

How do they react when their plans fail?

What do they feel when faced with the possibility of redemption or change?

Other small (and important) advice!

Corruption arcs are also super interesting, leading a good character to become bad over time and through traumatic situations. Redemption arcs are also sensational. The point is: nobody was born a villain and nobody has to die a villain.

Leave clues indicating your character before fully revealing your motivations. Also try to leave some motivations completely secret, using them when the plot calls for a surprise. In the best "surprise, bitch!" style.

Think about how environment and culture can influence beliefs and actions.

A villain doesn't have to be a psychopath or murderer. There are arcs of revenge and corruption which can be created without going to such extremes.

It's obvious, but always respect other players and the limits they impose. As I said, a villain isn't always doing evil and being a complete asshole, so make sure you know what kind of approach the other person will prefer.

Always be careful when approaching topics which are triggers and avoid them as much as possible. As I said, it's not necessary to go down this route, but if you do, always keep a firm grounding when writing, because triggers are complex real-life situations that always need to be handled delicately.

The end, for now.

( Be with Morgana, my good girl gone bad ♡ )

#rph #rp help #rp resources #rp writing help #writing resources #writing help #writing advice #writingtips #rp guide

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nerdylilpeebee · 3 months

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people used to be able to boycott entire transit systems…. nowadays ask someone to boycott mcdonalds or starbucks and here they go talking about how “it’s my comfort food!” “it’s hard to break out of coffee habits!!” “but it’s close to where i live!!”

Like seriously there is soo many mom and pop shops that need support and are sooo much better then StarBucks and McDonalds! You just have to look hard.

There is no excuses to keep funding genocide.

Boycott!

Permanent ceasefire!

From the river to the sea Palestine shall be free!

How could boycotting anything stop a foreign war we aren't a major player in? It seems like an empty gesture meant to make you feel like you're doing something whilst not actually doing anything to help. The Palestinian people also have not asked for boycotts or anything. So why do you think it's gonna help?

And a permanent ceasefire has been rejected by Hamas. Just as they have over and over for decades. How do you suggest a permanent ceasefire happen when the Palestinian governments do not want one?

This statement is actually a call to genocide and the actual translation is "from the water to the water, Palestine will remain Arab."

#tvp discourse #israel #hamas #gaza #palestine #arab israeli conflict

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genericpuff · 9 months

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I WANNA TALK ABOUT THE FUCKING EISNERS-

i've been finding lately that there are so many topics i still wanna talk about concerning LO and its development and they just don't happen because i get distracted or busy and my brain is like "ok we're just gonna pretend we've already talked about it even though we haven't" JFKDLSAJFDASKLFJSLKA

Let's talk about the Eisners and LO's recent 'win'.

I've already briefly mentioned in previous posts that LO has had a lot of its awards and accolades bought for it. This is especially true for both the NYT Bestseller label (seriously, none of those labels are ever earned, it's not some top 100 list that you compete on, it goes to whoever is willing to pay for it or whoever an editorial column wants to highlight) and, of course, the Eisner Award, which is not exactly an award judged by the industry's finest (the judges this year were made up of largely comic book shop owners and librarians).

But we're not here to talk about that. I wanna talk about what happened after LO won its second Eisner.

First off, the fact that it can be nominated at all when it doesn't even really fit the criteria for their submissions is sketchy at best:

see: "new, professionally produced long-form original comics work posted online in 2022." LO is not 'new'. Sure, it has new episodes, but I don't think that really follows the spirit of what they meant by 'new'. The Eisner doesn't seem like an award that should be granted to the same series twice, is my point, and that's one of the many complaints brought up in the absolute dressing down that LO got in its announcement post on the Webtoons Official IG page.

Of course, you can see for yourself right here.

But for the sake of fun, let's share some of the excerpts here.

(and yes I'm sharing a LOT of these because frankly I don't trust WT to not delete them in an attempt to hide all the shit that's being thrown at their precious "baby")

While names have been censored to protect the users involve, I will say one thing - this isn't some attempt from antiLO/ULO members to brigade the series' win, there are other comic creators in this discussion as well from the Canvas section who aren't pleased with seeing LO win another Eisner when there are multiple new series from this past year alone which deserve more attention than they're getting. Again, see for yourself if you click on the link above, the vast majority of comments on this post are expressing their disappointment and you can tell from how they've been sitting at the top while all the positive comments are being 'pushed' to the bottom - the like counts say it all.

All of this, paired with the fact that LO didn't win a SINGLE user-voted award during the Webtoonies, goes to show that the Webtoons audience is over LO. They're done with it. It's not relevant anymore, the only ones who still keep up with it are the stans and those holding on in the hopes that the story gets around to resolving the SA plotline and gets its TV show (which I've also mentioned has a real possibility of not happening, at least not now when it would count the most LMAO)

It still gets more likes than any other series on the platform (for now) but you can tell during its current hiatus that when LO is out of sight, it's out of people's minds - despite many of these episodes now being weeks old, their like counts aren't going up, no new readers are being pulled in. And the fact that a series with over 6 million subscribers can barely scratch 100k likes nowadays is... really something.

And that's on its free to read episodes, it's FP episodes - where views count the most because it's where LO makes its money and initial views - aren't even a fraction of what the free episodes often take well over a week to gain at this point.

Episode 252:

And the midseason finale, 253:

Compare it to Down to Earth which gets 70k likes on average on its free episodes (though its current new FP is sitting at the 1k mark), is LO still bringing in higher numbers than other series? Yes. But it's clearly falling to a point where it's going to be on par with every other comic on the platform in no time. I can't even imagine what it's going to be like after it comes back from this poorly-timed hiatus, when all of its official fan groups have also been shuttered preventing people from staying in touch within their own fandom.

Awards like the Webtoonies are, while largely just for street cred, still audience-based, and I really hope the fact that the people have spoken not once, but twice through their engagement with the platform - both through the comment section on LO's Eisner win and the votes in favor of other series in the Webtoonies - will be a major wake-up call to WT that they can't keep trying the same things over and over again expecting different results. They can't keep stuffing money into LO as if advertising or awards are the reason LO isn't pulling in the numbers it used to. They can't keep pretending that LO still has the merit and credibility that it once had 5 years ago.

It's like that comparison from Super Eyepatch Wolf talking about why you shouldn't take advice on how to be "successful" from Youtubers who got famous 5+ years ago:

"Say you decide you want to become a carpenter, and particularly, how to build a nice chair. Think about the kind of person you'd want to learn that skill from. Would it be from someone who has built nice chairs every day for 20 years? Or would it be the guy who built one nice chair five years ago out of a special kind of wood that doesn't exist anymore, who has no experience with the kind of wood available to you now?"

LO is a byproduct of a version of Webtoons that no longer exists. It was fortunate enough to join the Canvas section when the Canvas section was still only lightly populated, before WT started trying to sell the idea that anyone could become "rich" on their platform (an idea largely perpetuated by creators LIKE RACHEL who only became big because WT threw all of their money at them), before Greek myth comics became commonplace (again, something that's a consequence of Rachel/Lore Olympus) and before the romance genre became largely filled with problematic "dark" romances (again, see Lore Olympus).

Do you see the pattern of what I'm talking about here? A lot of what Webtoons became known for was a byproduct of Lore Olympus and series like it, because those series did phenomenally well, due to being in the right place at the right time, so WT went "hey, cool, this makes us lots of money! Let's do more of that!" Obviously this isn't to say that Lore Olympus is the root of all evil here OR that it didn't have its own merit back in the day, but if you make a series that blows every other series out of the water in stats, it's only natural for a company to want to pursue more series and story tropes like it in the hopes that it'll replicate exactly what comics like LO did, completely misunderstanding why LO did well in the first place. At the time, LO's art was unique for the platform, and it was tackling a story that was extremely popular on platforms like Tumblr so it naturally gained a crowd.

But that was five years ago. Since then, the WT audience climate has changed dramatically, as it always does every few years; and LO and WT haven't kept up. We went through a phase of BL, isekai, and now WT seems to be in an odd limbo because it's still clinging to a series from three whole lifetimes ago, especially now with so many of its other signature series either finally ending (True Beauty) or walking away from the platform entirely (Let's Play).

At this point, Lore Olympus is a chair that was nice five years ago, but has since started to fall apart - its paint is chipping, and its legs don't stand up so well anymore - and WT is still trying to sell it you as the exact same chair - with cheap new paint and a few bits and bobs attached to try and convince you that the chair is new - but it's long past its prime. This isn't to say that the chair itself doesn't deserve to exist, just that it shouldn't be given so much proprietary advertising and attention when there are so many other works on the platform that deserve to be uplifted and seen.

LO was good for its era, it was successful for a reason, but we're halfway through 2023 and it's painfully obvious that the comic and the platform's audience is ready to move on to new territories. Webtoons just needs to learn to let go.

#lore olympus critical #lo critical #antiloreolympus #anti lore olympus #essay post

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satans-my-spirit-animal · 1 year

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They get into a fist fight

Heartslabyul edition

I did these head cannons for fun so don't take them too seriously

Warning: sexual harassment and bullying mentioned(not by the main characters)

Riddle

So this already kinda happened in game but let's say this was a separate incident. Someone dared insult you in his presence and he wasn't gonna let that fly.

"You will apologize immediately or I will have to collar you!"

"You only collar people because you can't throw a punch." - Savanaclaw student

Riddle gets red in the face and nails him square in the jaw. Surprise works in his favor since he wasn't expecting it, causing him to stagger back a few steps.

However after that, let's be honest homeboy is getting roughed up. He has zero street skills.

Ace, Deuce and Trey come to help him and they ask why he didn't just collar the guy

Riddle gets embarrassed as Trey tends to his wounds (top tier mom friend) and says that he wanted to defend your honor without resorting to magic

Trey

So it'd take A LOT for Trey to get physical with someone. He is very even tempered and is the one to usually settle disagreements within the dorm. But he does have a breaking point and that point is reached when he notices another student constantly harassing you. The student makes lewd comments and even tries to touch you. Trey sees red and storms over.

Trey grabs the student roughly. "They said they're not interested. Leave. Now."

The other student shakes him off. "How about you mind your own business?!" And a fight ensues.

Trey actually kicks the guys ass, no magic needed. The other student is left to slink away in defeat.

Trey apologizes profusely and makes sure you're ok. "I'm sorry you had to see that y/n."

Cater

Like Trey, it would take a lot for Cater to get in a fight. He's a lover not a fighter and prefers to charm his way out situations. However he notices that a group of guys are bullying you and even smash your phone.

"Hey WTF is your problem?!" Cater runs to your defense and gets between you and the bullies. He uses his doubles to even the numbers.

The bullies aren't fazed by his doubles and continue their assault.

Cater and his doubles manage to fight them off, but just barely. However in the fight you do wack one of the bullies over the head with a large stick and are very proud of this. Teamwork makes the dream work. Cater looks a little rough at the end of it.

"you ok hon? Things got a little hairy there... We'll go get you a new phone tomorrow."

Ace

This situation literally happens in game so cannon that Ace will throw hands for you. Anyway let's not pretend like Ace doesn't get into some sort of fight at least once a week because he makes smart ass comments. But this time he overhears some other Heartslabyul students talking about you behind your back.

He immediately confronts them and tells them that they're wrong and that they should shut the hell up.

"who even invited you into this conversation? " And a straight up brawl breaks out in the Heartslabyul lounge.

Ace is a pretty good fighter and gets several good punches in before Riddle shows up and collars everyone.

When Ace tells him what started the fight Riddle lets him off lightly while the other students get slammed with triple chores.

Deuce

Like Ace it's pretty cannon that Deuce will fight for you. He is experienced in street fights and though he tries to avoid violence nowadays he still will jump into action if needed. Like when he sees a Savanaclaw student push you out of the lunch line.

He demands they apologize at once but when they refuse he flies off the handle and punches them in the mouth.

This starts a whole lunch room brawl which of course draws over Riddle.

Deuce actually holds his ground by himself pretty well due to past experience but he does feel slightly guilty that he didn't handle the situation better. Still the Savanaclaw student 100% deserved it.

After hearing the cause of the fight and seeing that Deuce is remorseful, Riddle lets him off lightly. Extra flamingo duty.

"I'm sorry I just can't stand to see you treated like that." Deuce says to you afterward

#twisted wonderland #heartslabyul #riddle rosehearts #riddle rosehearts x reader #trey clover x reader #trey clover #cater diamond x reader #cater diamond #ace trappola x reader #ace trappola #deuce spade x reader #deuce spade #i apologize for caters but i suck writing him

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twisted-wonderland-shenanigans · 9 months

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Also for the monster au, would the babies in Twisted be more mature than the human babies, cuz they are technically premature cuz of their big head. Which is why we are wired with cuteness protection (or worse cuteness aggression) to protect the youngins.

The moment I see cute baby animals:

When it comes to the monsters, it depends on the species! A good chunk of them would be rather small because their parent species is designed for more than one offspring (or "litters/clutches" depending on the species).

That doesn't mean it's rare for them to have only one or two kids at a time, though! For example, if we were to go with the reptilian species like the basilisk, only a few eggs are viable while the rest are decoys. This is a defensive mechanism caused by instincts that hadn't quite faded over time now that monsters and other predatory creatures around Twisted Wonderland aren't as much of a threat as before.

Anyway, monster babies develop pretty quick compared to humans as in the past, they had to grow strong enough to learn to hunt and fend for themselves when their parents had to go out hunting or foraging. Nowadays, monsters have developed a pack/flock/herd/pod mentality, meaning they can live with their family for as long as necessary until they're ready to set out and find their own path.

Does this mean they can learn to talk faster? In a way, yes. Does this mean they still know what they're saying or doing? Not quite! For them, instincts and learned behaviors can take over before their consciousness fully emerges like it would for humans. For example, I first started becoming aware of the world and the things I was doing when I was maybe 4 or 5 years old (memory is a fickle thing), though I never understood why I knew what to call the things or people the things I was calling them--I just knew it was right.

Same concept for the monsters!

If we were to talk about which species would develop even faster, it would likely be any equine/ungulate based monster! The reason being is that--in the wild--animals such as deer and buffalo or antelope and even horses and goats have babies that learn to stand and run within minutes or even hours of being born. This is to ensure the survival of the baby and that they can keep up, which means that they wouldn't naturally know how to crawl like human babies would.

Here's a silly little comic done by Litterbox Comics over on Twitter! This basically gives a bit of a comparison on how fast the baby ungulates get to their little hooves 😂

Now, despite this, please accept this imagery of a baby goat loafing and picture baby faun Riddle loafing:

Basically, a good chunk of the monsters would have (and still can) loaf and are absolutely adorable to imagine. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna practice anatomy so I can draw baby monster boys loafing because I can!

Now, as for those that have human ancestry in their DNA, I can see some monsters growing a little slower than is normal for their species with no clear explanation why. There's nothing wrong with them physically or mentally. They're just taking a little longer to develop certain motor skills or learning things differently, and new young parents might be concerned and worried.

Doctor: "There's nothing wrong. They're perfectly fine and it happens sometimes. It's perfectly normal."

In the end, they do develop into the fine (chaotic) young men we know and adore~!

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland monster au #twst monster au

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kianamaiart · 2 years

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Sure you know about the entire Beanhead artstyle, the stuff people been booeing and hating back in 2015-2021-today due to its minimalistic look and repetitive use in most media. Anything to say regarding that?.

LOL it's annoying.

My explanation/rant got long haha (under the cut)

Like I get it, it's very prevalent nowadays, but every era of tv animation has a ~style~ that a good chunk of mainstream shows fall into. And if you reaaaally look at the entire catalogue of shows that have come out in the past decade, there's actually a good amount of variety. The problem is most people are just looking at the 5 most popular shows that are out at any given year.

And the reason for these styles being pushed is because they ARE appealing. Appealing to kids. The demographic of most of these shows. I think people forget that focus testing exists. Kids are the people who are streaming these shows, watching on cable and buying toys (or rather their parents). Networks aren't gonna cater to teens/young adults/a much smaller demographic who likely know how to find and watch the shows they like for free. And as much as it may seem like online fandom has an impact, networks won't notice unless it's reaaally benefitting them monetarily.

I understand that people may not like this style, and that's alright, but I take issue when creators and artists are attacked for it. Most of us don't even draw in the style of the shows we work on (ex. i work on big city greens, but draw mostly anime-esque stuff on my own time). I don't speak for all of us but I don't think it's a stretch to say that a good chunk of us would LOOOVE to pitch stuff or have shows with more variety in style. But at the end of the day, most of the stuff on mainstream tv is "a product" to be sold. It sounds cynical, but it's true, and networks are usually gonna play it safe and pick up stuff that has a winning formula, and part of that winning formula at the moment is this particular style.

I think people also fail to take into account that animation is hard lol. Simple designs mean easier animation. Most American studios unfortunately do not have in house animators and animation is done overseas. Because of this storyboards are hardly storyboards anymore. They're cleaned up key poses so that there's less room for error when shipping everything over. Those errors being hard to fix because 1. a lot of the time there's a language barrier, 2. it takes a long time and 3. it's expensive. Every artist on each end of the process is already overworked, so any way to make the process easier is ideal.

If people want to see different styles in animation, they gotta support the stuff that's different and trying something new! And support it more than the kids and said kids' parents who are being catered to. That means streaming said shows (legally), tuning in on cable, buying merch, etc. I know it's a lot to ask for, and not everyone, understandably, has the means to, but a lot of the time, networks/studios/companies see everything in black and white. If a show is not a complete success, then they will assume the problem is because it's not following that winning formula I was talking about earlier. Trying new things is a risk in their eyes.

It's not hopeless! Just look at Spiderverse and its impact on the style of animation we're currently seeing in feature/movies. Us artists WANT to do different stuff and make inspiring work, but we need that viewer support!

#long post #basically capitalism #also bean mouth style is cute #there's worse styles out there hahaaha

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meanbossart · 2 months

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Misc. Ask compilation

These aren't all of the asks I want to reply to, just some that I can answer relatively quickly to clean the ol' inbox out before things get out of hand. Thanks for your patience!

HAHAHA THANK YOU FOR PERUSING AROUND and for enjoying my work! I had a... Weird Gale experience my first playthrough which led to his characterization being what it is in my comics. Here's the beat-by-beat of all the shenanigans: https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/740827466716807168/alright-i-am-like-90-sure-there-is-one-line-in-a

And here's just some of my personal thoughts on him! https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/736193145686114305/can-you-tell-me-more-about-how-you-would-make-gale

I would be lying if I said I'm not conflicted to know my style still bears some remnants of my edgy teen roots (not your fault not noticing it though, you aren't the first and won't be the last) BUT... That comic did mean a lot to me as a youth, so I guess I should be proud 🤷 and honestly it is a little cool that such a thing would survive for so long in what I do, crazy how that works.

LMAO, re: the bottom/top debacle, I was honestly so surprised to see people react to it like it's something novel. If I ever expected to get any push back on the matter, I thought it would be from people assuming DU drow was the top and taking issue with how violent and big he is (and yknow, some people are weirdly protective of Astarion as if he isn't a sneaky murder machine rippling with lean muscle)

Very disheartening to see that mindset still so alive and well among young people, but I guess it just means I gotta draw DU drow throwing more back and Astarion drooling over more ass until the stereotype is forcefully banished out of people's minds!

(more asks below the cut)

"Sleeper agent activation phrase" absolutely took me out, Thank you so much LOL

YEAH I got it pretty late though, Astarion had already told my durge that he was a vampire of his own accord (and the response was, of course, "no duh") I forgot wheter this happened before or after the first romance scene triggered, but I think after.

Since this was after DU drow decided he was gonna fuck him out of pure contrarian spite and was shamelessly laying it extremely thick, He happilly let Astarion drink his blood. Hell, he was probably a little Too Eager - the guy likes pain and he likes letting people he trusts do with his body whatever they will, and while he didn't yet trust Astarion at that point, that event might've very well reminded him of something from his past that planted a seed which would eventually grow into his genuine affection for the guy.

Ah, he definitely got a half-chub as it happened too. I'm sure Astarion noticed it and just walked off rolling his eyes and thinking "eugh of course" lmao.

Hello!!!

Oh man, I grew up fascinated with horror things. I remember from a very young age just looking at the covers and backs of horror movies at the film-rental even though I wasn't allowed to watch them. I was also easily scared but I sought those things out anyway - I think i just enjoyed the visceral reactions it drew out of me and was always curious about most things taboo.

When I got access to the internet that just opened a (very unfortunate) door to all things vile and awful like it did for so many people at that age in time. Though my tastes have changed a lot since then (Less August Underground, more The Devils kind of guy nowadays) my stories and art are just always going to fall into a horror-y category because I just... Don't think there's many better ways to showcase the human experience and emotional range without many of the elements native to the genre, and I'm all about that.

Thank you for your question and your sweet words, have a good week yourself!

I did a little write-up about that over here! https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/742508493562593280/i-dont-have-a-particular-question-in-mind-sorry

That's the result of a scene that happens relatively early in the story I'm writing ("A Novel Experience" on Ao3).

{SPOILERS} DU drow accidentally passes out on a blade which puts a relatively deep gash on his hip. Meanwhile, Astarion is weakened and starved after certain events that transpired the prior night. They have a private exchange both in a somewhat hazy-state of mind and Astarion ends up prodding and prying at his wound while feeding, so it's a laceration and bite mark that just scarred over badly.

Elves apparently don't grow body hair so never LOL guess they'll just have to slip&slide up on each other for heat

#ask compilation

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gayalienwilde · 6 months

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For this last day of celebration of Velvet Goldmine's 25th anniversary, I wanted to talk about why Velvet Goldmine is such an important movie to me. Nowadays shows and movies have gotten much better with their representation of marginalized groups, it's not always perfect, but it's definitely better than even just a decade ago. Growing up and seeing queer characters in mainstream media that, unless created to be a punchline or demonized, were sterilized and surrounded by a cast of cishet people with no connection to other queer people (maybe a partner but that's it), can give the wrong ideas to queer kids. Making it seem like queer people aren't a community but just a couple of random individuals in an otherwise heterosexual world, it's not only unrealistic but it creates a sense of isolation, forever the ugly duckling that never meets other swans. The lack of good representation is harmful to queer kids that might feel like they're never gonna find other people like them, this is the reason that token representation in media is not enough, it means nothing when a character's whole purpose is to show that queer people exist as a monolithic mass of sassy side-characters. For this reason, media about queer people made by queer people is extremely important because it shows different queer realities. In Velvet Goldmine's case, not only is the movie itself representation, but the story it tells is also about representation as seen from a young queer fan's perspective and how it affects him.

Seeing Brian and Curt be openly queer gives Arthur much more confidence in his own identity, this is shown when he imagines himself coming out to his parents through Brian's interview and when he goes out dressed like he wants and searches for the other glam kids. Even if both times he stops himself, in the first case because of his parents judgemental stares directed at Brian, and in the second case he's probably intimidated by the other kids that have been comfortable in their identities for much longer than him (which is kind of taken from Todd Haynes' own experience, in this interview he says that the older glitter girls were intimidating to him in middle school). This serves to show how representation can help the people that can't immediately be out and proud, because even if Arthur can't come out or make other queer friends he can find solace in Brian and Curt's music and general media presence, which is not only openly queer but sexual too. Later in the movie we will also see Arthur finally being able to be his true self and find his community in London, so it's not a surprise then seeing Arthur become a journalist when it was the interviews, magazines and newspapers that he'd read in his youth that helped him gain confidence in himself.

But for the viewer Arthur is he himself representation, his struggles and journey a mirror of the experiences of many young queer fans. For me personally the scene where Arthur tells his parents that he's going out and then sneakily takes off his jacket and goes out dressed like he wanted to be has always been the most relatable, him being happy walking in the crowd with his head held high reminds me of my first pride, even if I was too scared to approach anyone simply being surrounded by queer people and being able to be myself put me at ease, and later trying not to cry on the train back home while I took off anything that had rainbows on it and lying to my parents about where I had been, it's probably one of the biggest reasons I am so attached to Velvet Goldmine, I saw myself in it in a way I'd never seen in any other media before. Even 25 years after it's creation Velvet Goldmine's representation is still better than that of some recent media, because it doesn't shy away from showing the sad, the sexual and, most importantly, the happy parts of queer life. In the end, seeing Arthur go through a lot of different difficult situations both in his youth and in his adulthood and still manage to push through it all and find some connections with other queer people, first in London and then in the 80s when he's reunited with Curt, that gives me hope that no matter what we're all going through, we will keep making it, and most importantly it's a reminder that, to quote a Bowie song, you're not alone.

#velvet goldmine #VelvetGoldmine25th #25YearsOfVelvetGoldmine #happy bday Velvet Goldmine <3 #pointed epigram #movie analysis

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gravidasomnia · 6 months

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A text post for a change! tldr: There's some technical details re: Dayspa Squad which spills into discussion of the software & hardware used, and a few other thoughts. Group pics are difficult with the limitations of the AI I'm using (SD 1.5, sdxl is better but my budget gaming laptop can't run it the way I use 1.5 without overheating), and people have noted that they often look like a row of clones. So this time (and last) I've found a suitable txt2img generation (top left) then re-run it through img2img and added variations in the prompt to produce different, still very similar looking groups, with many typical AI pic problems e.g. too many/not enough fingers & hands:

but from that I'll use Krita + the clone tool aligned to each pic and take parts of each that seem apt; hopefully between all the iterations there's enough non-freaky hands and other parts to go around!

You can see I haven't done a perfect job - especially with the 2nd woman from the left's dressing gown and hand, and the breasts still look cloned. Such flaws and others are much less noticeable on IG with it's limited image resolution and most users having a small screen experience. My excuse is that the milestone came up sooner than expected and I rushed it (I only started after noticing I'd hit 8,995 followers and it took about 20 minutes all up, a few minutes before I hit 9k). But a little more time and scrutiny and even running a couple more iterations could have gone a long way. Photoshop could just regenerate individual elements if you want it to but I'm not a pro user and can't justify the expense (such functionality wouldn't be available to unlicenced users). I'm more familiar with GIMP but I prefer Krita for simple clone tool operations because it loads quicker and the default brush is perfect for how I use it + the smart patch tool is also handy. I could also use the SD plugin within Krita/GIMP for similar functionality but I found the interface too clunky so I prefer to work manually for this sort of thing. This method is the sort of thing I'd use earlier on to fix weirdness like mutant hands, multiple weird bellybuttons and other AI body horror. Or to get a striking individual image juuuust right, like this one or this one. Nowadays the raw outputs are often realistic enough that simple touchups can take care of aberrations. We're not far off having an app that laypeople can use that will make pics like this without a need for editing - but for now I'm happy in this niche. Assets Used (All software free for personal use, mostly free for commercial use):

Software: Stability Matrix with the Automatic1111 WebUI Krita (has a learning curve but so does PS, amazing functionality that I've barely made use of because I'm not an actual artist) Irfanview (free for personal use but I've licensed it so I can use it for work if needed, totally worth it) AI Checkpoints/Loras/Embeddings: Photosomnia Omega (my SD1.5 photorealism model blend) Pregmix 2 Lora (will update eventually but it's not available yet, for now try Pregmix 1 or other pregnancy Loras on civitAI) FreeU/FreeU webUI plugin Negative photorealism embeddings used to help a lot but I don't need them so much now due to how far the model and Lora has come. They still deserve a mention as they have been very useful and will continue to be so with a variety of models: fcneg kkw-ph1-neg Bad_NegAnatomy Hardware: 2nd hand laptop with an i7, 16gb ram, 1G SSD, and 8gb rtx graphics. 4gb nvidia GTX graphics is considered the bare minimum but an RTX with 8gb is gonna be the minimum practical for working with HD resolutions & SDXL. Cheaper laptops will struggle with heat management, PCs will hit your power bills. Radeon graphics can technically work, they're good for people who love fucking around with linux because things aren't working and want to apply that approach to AI artgen software. If you don't enjoy that sort of frustration don't bother. Apple isn't supported for Stability Matrix yet but apparently many implementations of SD will work on a Macbook Pro with the M1/M2 chip and preferably at least 16gb of ram. Draw Things will run on an newish iphone/ipad but I found it too clunky to use for serious pics and it's not practical for high resolution work. While reflecting on the artistic mediocrity of this otherwise pleasing pic, a paraphrase of T.K. crossed my mind, namely that the AI revolution has been an utter disaster for human art. It does have a place alongside real art but as an example I hate seeing AI garbage in advertisements knowing that it's not only deceptive garbage that pretends to be something it's not AND it's also more lost payments for working artists/photographers/models. But I also think that fake erotica photos people make for themselves or share freely are outside of that problem, as long as they don't depict actual identifiable persons. I will not do fakes without consent, maybe everyone has their price but mine hasn't even come close to being reached, which I'll admit isn't possible without some level of privilege.

I'd like to not be judgmental of people who do make AI fakes for $ but otoh AI users must have some level of privilege to be able to access and use the technology. What I have seen with technology and other things is that irresponsible use is likely to be met with irresponsible regulation and I do wonder (not worry) how much longer blogs like this will be legal. Anyway for now just enjoy the pics! There will be more to enjoy soon. If you've bothered to scroll through thanks for reading and thanks for being a fan!

#ai art #I guess this is a mini AI tutorial of sorts #AI art assets #Infopost #AI Assets

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villainsandvictimsalliance · 17 days

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Genuinely think there is a crisis in comprehension but that's not excuse to be rude to certain people.

Some people decide to ignore the facts in order to be annoying. Some people are victims of what has been going on in the world. In my country there's a crisis because most kids now have classes only twice a week. When they reach college they lack reading comprehension. Reading comprehension is the basis of my career, so I can choose to be an asshole to those kids because I know some might be doing it on purpose, but the good kids aren't going to learn like that.

Listen, it's not only kids or teenagers. I don't judge someone for lacking a skill. Hey, we all do! We're all good in some things and bad in others!!! That's not gonna change with age!! We need each other!!

My personal recommendation is to teach people to enjoy the reading comprehension. There's no better learning that getting obsessed with an art piece and wanting to examinate it.

I know being rude is fun nowadays and I know some people are justified in their anger and in the fact they don't want to deal with people without reading comprehension. It's not their job, I know that, it's okay.

Just consider what you're doing to sustain and improve fandom spaces. How you treat fellow fans. How you want fandoms to be. Etc.

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mngo-jii · 8 months

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HUZZAH UR REQUESTS ARE OPEN ONCE MORE!!! i'd like to request daniel page x male reader hcs where reader is an animagus! you can choose the animal! (you don't have to stick to one animal either!)

“ LOOKS LIKE YOU’VE GOT A NEW PET, PAGE. ”

animals: dog, cat, bunny, bird ++ can be read as gender neutral!

letter ✉️: I apologize if the animals I used are too basic or simple! Other specific animals can fall into some of these, though—like wolves in dogs, and obviously there's a wide variety of birds so you don't have to imagine a plain Euresian Tree Sparrow

ⵢ₊˚ dog (or wolf!) ૮⍝• ᴥ •⍝ა

...He does this mean thing where he commands you and talks to you like you're an actual dog—even in your human form!

If you get constantly annoyed by this, he definitely laughs at your face like a bully. Sometimes it seems like he's worse than Cassandra! (never the Frey twins though, that is crossing the line /j)

If you behave like an actual pet dog and do as he says or react to the things he calls you (good dog, bad dog), then he'll be a little flustered about it. Mostly amused, slightly embarrassed. It doesn't stop him from teasing you, but his wobbly grin and pink cheeks don't falter.

It's become such a natural thing, that sometimes Daniel can no longer help but to actually order you at times he isn't even teasing you.

i.e. during battles and he thinks it's not the right time to attack yet. He tells you to "stay." And to other people, it doesn't seem rooted to the fact you're an Animagus at all, but it is—especially when he follows it with a warning "sit."

On the bright side, you get praise constantly. Still as if you're an actual pet dog, but it's still praise nonetheless!

"Good [MC]. Good [MC] 😊!"

"Let's go, you did it! Good job, good job!"

Head rubs, head pats randomly, especially when he passes by. Bonus points if you have your ears out! He'll scratch them instead

Unfortunately for you, other people also act like you're an actual pet of his.

"Daniel Page, will you please put your dog on a leash for once?"

"What's Daniel's little pup gonna do about it?"

"Hi, [MC]! Oh, where's Daniel?" ("Daniel isn't my owner, Ivy...") "What do you mean? That's not what I meant at all! 😁🧍🏻‍♀️"

ⵢ₊˚ cat /ᐠ - ˕ -マ Ⳋ

I have a feeling that Daniel really likes cats.

They're peaceful, they prefer solitude—just like him! It's no wonder his patronus is a black cat

And no wonder he likes you a lot. Too much, maybe.

Dotes on you a lot 😭 even when you aren't even transformed as a cat.

"Hey, [MC], want to partner u-?"

"No." Daniel snatches you away, squinting distrustingly at the poor student.

"Erm... O-Okay?"

"Chill, Daniel. No one's gonna take [MC] away from you." Robyn sweatdrops, looking over to him disapprovingly.

Asks you to change into your animagus form a lot-

At first he only made excuses to it—some were lame, some made sense. It was still apparent that he just wanted to pet and coddle you ☠️

Nowadays he's shameless, even practically begging you to do so 😭 the excuses he once made that actually made sense are now just mere bonus points to if you did what he was pleading you to do.

He doesn't call you any names as much as if you were a dog animagus. The thought makes him a bit awkward, especially "kitten." 😭😭

But he does call you "kitty" in an endearing way when you're transformed as a cat, and in a teasing way in times you aren't—or if you aren't fully.

By that I mean if you only have your ears and tail out.

While we're on that, I should also mention how Daniel practically short-circuited the first time he saw you like that

He couldn't look you in the eye, poor boy!

He also calls you "tuna breath." Little bastard

ⵢ₊˚ bunny ₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎

Calls you "bunny" AFAHGSHK it's really cute! It's never in a teasing way, it's really just a term of endearment

It really flusters you because he does it with so much affection 😭 like when he comes up to your side and takes your hand to gently kiss the knuckles, greeting you with a soft "Hi, bunny :)"

"Morning, bunny"

"How're you doing, bunny?"

"Eat yet, bunny?"

"G'night, bunny"

I don't think he's aware of the grip it has on you 😭

Brushes down your ears to calm you down, like during times you're ranting!

Pinches your cheeks constantly! Especially in your animagus form, but as time goes by he starts doing it in your normal form as well

For some reason I don't think he'd do much if you were a bunny. I can't see much teasing, I think he'd just find you super cute jsnxbx

Probably makes jokes about you and carrots, though. Like he'd tell someone that you'd want a carrot cake even if you don't. Or that you'd prefer carrot juice over your all-time favorite drink (he gets the latter for you anyway, don't worry).

In grocery shopping he jokingly points at the carrots section and asks if you'd want a little snack 😭

ⵢ₊˚ bird ˏ₍•ɞ•₎ˎ

He kind of envies you LMAO

He wishes he could fly as well, especially in situations he's in the spotlight. He wishes he could flap his own wings and fly out of the situation

Calls you "birdie." And it's quite the opposite of "bunny"—he uses it to make fun of you only 😭

For some reason I can see him teasing you way more than the first 2 ones

You come across the pond and he sees a flock of ducks, he'll point at them and go "Hey, is that your family?"

Whether or not your patronus is a duck doesn't matter!! 😭 He'll use every bird in existence to tease you

Jokingly refuses to eat the roasted chicken at the Great Hall because he says he doesn't want to offend you. Girl

A crow flies past you, making you think it's about to attack you until Daniel pulls you away from its direction. "Looks like a certain bird doesn't like your species." "Daniel, I'm still... human."

All that aside though, a side effect and rather consequence of this action of his is that every time he sees a bird he thinks of you 😭 and it makes him think he's going crazy LMAOOO

He really likes watching you fly around, especially outside. There's just something so peaceful about it, and knowing it's you makes it even better.

There was this one time he saw a bird fly past the window of the classroom and he was like "[MC]?" and his seatmate looked at him strange

#(*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ— written by lnr #hpma x reader #hogwarts magic awakened x reader #daniel page x reader #daniel page x male reader

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