#and no vanilla does not return his feelings as she doesn’t want a romantic relationship | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

crazygalore · 3 years

Text

GABRIEL MAY (MALIGNANT) NSFW ALPHABET

TW: mentions of dysmorphia, NSFW

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Surprisingly, Gabriel actually NEEDS it, after each lovemaking session - no matter how gentle or how rough he was with you. He’ll draw the both of you a hot bath, and help you wash yourself. If you return the favour, this boy will positively melt, and let out tiny noises that sound suspiciously similar to little purrs. Afterwards, once he has patted your dry with a fluffy towel and dressed you in your favourite pyjamas, Gabriel will carry you to bed, and place you under the covers. Then, he will bring your favourite snacks and beverage, to enjoy while you huddle together to watch a movie before falling asleep.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Gabriel could never pick just one thing he loves about you - because he practically worships you body and soul. You are infinitely beautiful in his eyes, and the fact that you love and accept him for who he is feels like a miracle to him.

Since he doesn’t actually have a body of his own, he expresses his identity though clothes that he wears, which are different than the ones owned by Madison. Although they’re not body parts per say, he sees his leather coat and makeshift gold dagger as extensions of himself, and he enjoys donning them whenever he takes over his twin’s body. He will, sometimes, remain fully clothed during sex.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

His pleasure is your pleasure, and he will make you cum as much as possible, if only to enjoy your desperate moans and whimpers.

Being transmasc and trapped his Madison’s body, he suffers from severe dysmorphia and doesn’t really enjoy being touched intimately. And, as stated HERE, he did communicate with his sister when the two of you decided to become intimate, because he felt like this specific situation called for his sister’s consent. She doesn’t have access to his memories regarding his sex life, though - which is for the best.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

It’s not a secret that he loves watching you pleasure yourself. The first time he witnessed it, you weren’t aware he was there, lost as you were in the act, so he quietly enjoyed the show from the door, a smug smirk playing at the corners of his mangled mouth.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

You are Gabriel’s first and only love, and the only person who ever saw him as a human being, worth of respect and adoration. So he doesn’t have that much experience, but he did his research and tried to learn as much as possible about the human body’s erogenous spots. That makes up for his lack of actual physical experience, at least most of the times. But since your guys’ relationship is based on trust, respect and communication, Gabriel is never ashamed to ask what works for you, and what doesn’t.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Missionary, since he usually uses his mouth, fingers or a strap-on to pleasure you - and he wants to be able to look at your face, kiss your lips and hold you in his arms during sex. Gabriel is a very tactile person, and extremely touch-starved, so he actually NEEDS to be held, caressed and comforted. It’s the main reason why he enjoys making love to you so much, because the physical intimacy is something he’d never experienced before.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

I wouldn’t say he’s particularly goofy, but he isn’t very stoic either. If anything awkward ensures during sex, he will try to make you laugh about it, so that you can relax and move on.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He doesn’t actually have a private area of his own, and its pretty much Madison’s business as to how she grooms her nether region. He doesn’t actually care about those parts, since he never uses them.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Very intimate, very romantic and very needy. As stated above, he craves physical contact, and he melts whenever you treat him with gentleness and affection. Hold him, kiss him, caress his scarred cheeks, and tell him how good he makes you feel, and Gabriel will be putty in your hands.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He doesn’t actually partake in this act, as he doesn’t enjoy looking at, or touching the private parts of the body he shares with his sister. But sometimes, he fantasizes about what he would do to you, if he had a body of his own.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Gabriel is surprisingly vanilla, but he can be pretty dominant in the bedroom. He will pin your wrists above your head, as he fucks you into the mattress, or guide you into touching yourself, his voice a mere growl coming from your phone’s speaker. Knife kink, maybe, but only when it comes to cutting off your clothes. He doesn’t wanna hurt you, so unless you insistently ask him to, Gabriel won’t hold his makeshift dagger to your throat, or drag its blade across your skin. After all, he has other ways to let out his violent frustrations, so he feels no need to bring that to the bedroom. He was hurt by people who abhorred him, and he returned the favour years later. Love and violence do not cross paths in Gabriel’s mind.

Also clothed sex, because he enjoys wearing his leather coat and gloves, as he teases your naked body mercilessly.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Anywhere inside the house, but the bedroom is his favourite, because it’s more private and safe. Plus, he enjoys taking his time, so the bed is the most comfortable option when it comes to lengthy lovemaking sessions.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Whenever you treat Gabriel with kindness and love, he will feel the need to bring you pleasure, and show you just how much he covets you. For him, sex is a means of expressing his affection for you - it’s an act of adoration and gratitude.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He will NOT hurt you, ever, no matter how much you insist. You are the only person who has ever treated him right, and he cannot bear the thought of harming you in any way.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Enjoys giving, and is very enthusiastic about it. This boy will eat you out for hours, and has become fucking expert at it. He knows just how to angle his face, and use his teeth and tongue to cause you maximum pleasure. Your taste is heaven to him, and your needy moans and whimpers are music to his ears. He will edge you, he will overstimulate you, he will play your body like a violin, using his mouth and fingers alone.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends on the mood. Slow and sensual is his go to, but he can be rough if you ask him to. But regardless of the pace, Gabriel is ALWAYS very passionate, and completely dedicated to your pleasure. Also, this boy is inhumanly strong, so he may end up becoming rough without even realizing it - but in case it becomes too much, all you have to do is tell him, and Gabriel will apologise and treat you more gently.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Not opposed to them, but he prefers taking his time.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He’s willing to try anything, so long as it doesn’t cause you any actual harm. Hickeys and faint finger-shaped bruises happen a lot, since he doesn’t always calibrate his strength properly all the time.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Oh, he could go on forever. Remember he experiences pleasure exclusively through you, so he never gets tired of it.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Oh, yes, 100% a fan of toys, all of them meant to drive you utterly insane with pleasure.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

The most unfair and maddeningly patient tease to ever walk this Earth. He will edge you until you’re crying and begging for release - and only then will he CONSIDER to maybe let you cum.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Low growls and muffled moans are the best he can do - although he may use your phone’s speaker to talk dirty to you.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Gabriel really enjoys sucking on and playing with your nipples. And, yes, he has actually made you cum by solely teasing and fondling your chest.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

As I said, he uses a strap-on, which is just the right length and thickness to bring you maximum pleasure. In fact, the more I think about it, the more inclined I am to believe he consulted with you before buying it.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

I would say his sex drive is medium to low, so unless you initiate it - case in which he will be delighted to take you to the bedroom - he will rarely bring it up. But he does have his moments, when he simply craves your passionate embrace.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

It depends. Sometimes he falls asleep as soon as aftercare has been performed, and sometimes he stays awake a little while longer, just to watch you sleep peacefully by his side.

#malignant #gabriel may #gabriel may x reader #malignant imagine #gabriel may imagine #malignant x reader #gabriel may headcanons #malignant headcanons #tw dysmorphia

251 notes · View notes

sciderman · 3 years

Note

you have a lot of headcanons about their top/bottom dynamics? ......hm.......*slides a dollar over tthe table*

i can’t believe how horny this place has gotten. i can’t believe i’m feeding you all like this. i’ve repressed all this for like, four years and it’s all bubbling to the surface. okay, so:

- peter is pretty selfless when it comes to love - he’ll fall all over himself to please his partner, and he’ll quite happily neglect his own needs to make sure his partner is happy first. this works just fine for wade, who…

so wade often “comes first”, if you catch my drift. wade gets his way and gets pampered, not necessarily because he demands it (though he does), but because peter is just. an incredibly generous boy, who wants nothing more than for wade to feel good and amazing. and wade’s so, so good and appreciative, that it’s a real treat for peter too.

- wade’s greedy, that’s no secret. he’s not a very good top at all, because he does kind of make it all about him. he can’t help it. that’s the way he is. especially at the beginning of the relationship, when all that’s in his mind is that he wants to be loved and to know that he’s being loved.

truly wade is just a bottom at heart because he craves attention, and loves to feel treasured. this works just fine for peter, who loves to shower his partner in praise and other such niceties. truly. carnal bliss. like jigsaw pieces that fit together perfectly. though eventually wade starts wanting to return the favour, considering how nice and good and generous his boy has been.

- while peter’s not exactly hesitant per say, he’s has a more traditional view on sex and masculinity, which wade thinks is frankly pretty ridiculous.

wade kind of takes it upon him to break those barriers down, piece by piece. he’d never pressure peter into something he didn’t want to do, of course, but little nudges to push peter out of his comfort zone and unleash the wild spider within. peter has never been able to really be himself with a partner before (gwen didn’t know peter was spider-man, and felicia didn’t know spider-man was peter), so wade’s really the first person who’s able to peel back all of peter’s layers. there’s a she-wolf in the closet, open up and set her free. awoo! 🎶

- low-key, it’s a big part of why 9319 wade was so conflicted about peter’s big “I’m Bisexual” moment. he really wanted to be there for that breakthrough. all those years of trying to chip away at it.

(just another of wade’s many, many character flaws shining through. greedy. greedy boy. likes to make it all about him. like he deserves credit for his hard work, or something. wade is a self-depreciating narcissist. complicated man.)

wade does like to take ownership over peter’s transformation. he takes pride in his work. wade’s so so proud of himself when he’s able to undo peter and get him to abandon his reservations and just let completely loose. encourages peter to use his strength, lose himself. stop worrying. switch off that big brain.

part of that is to get peter to accept being pampered and trying new things and new surprises. it’s all a very educational and liberating experience for peter.

other miscellaneous headcanons

- heightened senses. peter’s heightened senses. it makes him so easy to unravel, with a well-placed kiss or wade whispering in his ear.

- wade and peter are evenly matched in wits in any other context, but wade’s able to completely short out peter’s brain on demand. this sucks for peter. peter tries to knock wade off his feet with a few surprises of his own. usually it’s a show of strength or some other clever little use of his powers that wade finds freaky-deaky! (wade: i knew you were holding out on me.) usually, though, the most effective way to knock wade off balance is a show of emotion. wade typically doesn’t know how to counter that.

- as much as wade acts like a brat, or a petulant child when he doesn’t get his way (which peter loves, honestly) wade is very good at doing as he’s told, whenever sex is involved. (which peter also loves.) it’s the only time wade likes it when peter bosses him around.

- wade likes to be told he’s being a good boy. he preens when he’s praised. top or bottom, doesn’t matter. in a sexual context or otherwise. say nice things about him and he’s all gooey like caramel.

- they both like it rough. they love to be hoisted up, tossed, thrown hard against a wall - they love scrapes and bruises and adrenaline. at the end of it, they’re soft and tender, but they love to spar and wrestle for who gets to take charge. (wade lets peter win, more often than not. and he’s not even subtle about it.) (wade: ughn! drats! i don’t stand a chance against your strong, strong arms, and your clever, clever brain! curse you, spider-man!)

- (wade: i do it because i know you’re a sore loser, and i don’t want to wound your ego.) (peter: you do it because you’re a stupid bottom.) (wade gasps, faux-offended.) (wade: i’ll show you who’s a stupid bottom, spider-man.)

- peter simps very. very hard for wade in a pretty, pretty dress. there’s nothing that makes peter feel weaker in the knees than a pretty, pretty girl. and wade wilson? the prettiest girl peter’s ever laid eyes on. the dresses give wade a confidence boost too, so 90% of the time, when wade’s in the dress, he’s wearing the trousers (metaphorically speaking). peter bottoms for wade, all the while wade’s in beautiful, beautiful lace and frills. talk about challenging your preconceived notions of masculinity.

- both of them are very tactile and touchy-feely. wade loves running his hands through peter’s dumb hair. pulling his dumb hair.

- peter, peter loves fiddling with wade’s clothes. his suit, the straps, his belt loops, anything. but specifically wade’s pretty, pretty frills and skirts. none of my artwork depicting this specific headcanon are safe for work. sorry.

- okay and FINALLY have to address the elephant in the room here. web kink.

the answer is: sometimes. it’s not actually a staple, it’s something peter mostly does when wade’s misbehaving. wade has good humour about it, and it’s mostly for a laugh, but it’s really impractical and a bit of a turn-off actually. (wade: i have to wait here. for a whole HOUR????)

truly, they like touching each other far too much for them to be into the whole bondage thing. wade, actually, really isn’t into bondage at all. it’s really not his bag, as much as he jokes about it.

peter’s more into it, in a schadenfreude sort of way. it’s entertaining.

wade humours him - but when it comes to bondage, wade’s actually pretty vanilla. he doesn’t have the best memories when it comes to being restrained, so they don’t do it very often. seeing peter being restrained doesn’t really do anything for wade either, especially since it’s just a charade. peter can’t be restrained.

i can imagine a scenario where peter is tied up by something very delicate, like red ribbons or something, purely for show. that’s something that’ll do it for wade. more of a romantic gesture, really.

okay. that’s all for now folks. this is already so much longer than i expected it to be, oh my god.

#sci speaks #spideypool #ask-spiderpool #headcanons #nsf.w..

307 notes · View notes

poisonousquinzel · 3 years

Note

https://lady-ha-ha.tumblr.com/post/160715688748/is-that-comic-before-the-reboot-and-which-one-is

(I have not read this comic) Is this true? (if so, ivy deserves someone better).

Post

Kay, first off both of those people are Jarley shippers so take everything they say with a grain of salt and then some, cause no. that part isn't about how much Harley loves Joker and will always choose him over Ivy. Literally you can tell ops don't know what they're talking about cause her whole thing in those issues is going to kill him for years of graphic abuse but ultimately falls back with him once she’s face to face with him.

Like wow, congrats on missing the fucking point again but not surprised from people who ship her with The Fucking Joker.

also, ffs, can anyone please have basic comprehension skills and realize that Harley and Ivy are both fucked up sometimes because they’ve got issues and that’s not comparable to Joker’s long ass history of graphic and disgusting abuse.

Harley and Ivy are villains, they're not a wholesome cookie cutter, White Picket Fence, super vanilla ship with no bad moments. They're both bad guys with a fuck ton of trauma that they both have to work through, and have done so at this point.

Gotham City Sirens was published between 2009 - 2011, Harley and Ivy weren't blatantly romantic at this point nor had they had anywhere near the development that they’ve had at this point.

Like don’t go into Harlivy content expecting them to be the perfect wlw rep with no flaws during their arcs from BTAS to current time cause that’s just not realistic. They’re both deeply flawed people who’ve got a fuck ton of trauma that they need to (and have) worked through.

I have talked about the BTAS issues here and this post is good at explaining them too.

Harlivy is not and has never been a purely wholesome, goody-goody ship. They’re messy, they have issues, and they have bad moments sometimes, but they both worked through their seperate trauma and came out stronger and better because at the end of the day, they care about each other.

Harlivy has messy, toxic moments sometimes, but they’re not, and have never been, abusive. There’s a difference between unhealthy moments and a ship being abusive.

That’s completely different to how Joker acts Constantly, because he does not care that his actions towards Harley are abusive, because he doesn’t give a shit about her.

He enjoys hurting her. He enjoys ruining her.

Jarley has always been intended to be written and shown as a domestically abusive relationship.

This is also the first instance where it's directly referenced that there's something more than platonic between her and Ivy, other than the reference in Batgirl Adventures.

Gotham City Sirens is also not connected to any verses.

This didn’t happen in the timeline we’re in rn with Harley Quinn (2014)/(2016)/(2021).

Comic timelines and shit are stupid and make everything more confusing and awful and I hate it sdfjdksksdkjsd

this is gonna be a long post since ops wanna just cut and paste random bits of the issues like jarley stans always do (cause jarley never has good moments that aren’t entirely surrounded by him abusing her) I’m going to show them in full context. *added a keep reading cause it is a lot

(All panels shown are from #15, #18, #19, #20, #21, #23, #24, #25)

So, Harley's entire thing at this point in the GCS comic in that she's been triggered by flashbacks of Joker's abuse and she breaks into Arkham with the intent to kill him.

The entire thing in these issues is showing her smarts and how she knows people's trump cards to get under their skin so she can break into Arkham.

She’s trained to identify these things in people and she's fucking good at pushing people's buttons.

this is also just one of my fav Harley covers so I wanted to show it jsdjksdks

“Trump cards. Everyone has one. Places where the armor we build around ourselves is weakest.”

She’s right. And it’s now shown that Harley’s willing to use those below the belt trump cards if she has to.

And frankly, I’d say this is worse than what she says to Ivy. And I’m not surprised she did it. She didn’t want to, she tried to get him to just open the door -

“Don’t make me do this, Aaron. There are some secrets that should stay hidden. Things you should never learn about your own life.”

but she’s also entirely fueled by rage and the desire to kill Joker. She came here for a reason and she’s not leaving until she’s done it.

“I’m going to kill you. For everything you’ve done to me. All the times you’ve made me feel useless and small. For all the times I will never forget. For all the things I can never forgive. All the memories -”

“Hello, Harley. I’ve missed you.”

“Memories. That’s all I have left. The past is gone and all I have is... memories.

Memories.

Memory.

Gone.

I guess I too have a trump card.”

“Oh, Ivy. You know exactly what my answer is going to be. But you’re hoping you’re wrong, aren’t you?”

She’s also right about this, they already mentioned this in #18.

“How did I become the bad guy?”

“You’re the one choosing a man over her girls.”

“Are you kidding me? You would never say that to Harley, and we both know she’d dumb us in a flat second if Joker called her.”

“Hey! That’s not fair-- Actually, that’s probably true.”

“The difference is, she can’t help it. You can. And she’s working on it. You’re not working on it.”

“Too easy, Ivy. Too easy. I know your weak spots. Now I just need to push.”

This is exactly what she’s been doing since the starting point of this post. She’s still in that mindset and she knows she can’t beat her on a regular battle field. Neither of them can.

“Like I said-- You beat me in any level playing field. But I don’t fight on those fields.”

Harley’s biggest strength as a villain is her ability to completely mentally stall her opponents and learn their weak spots. She wouldn’t win against the majority of the Big Bads if she didn’t fight on a different field than they are.

so, like yeah, out of context what she says to Ivy seems awful and completely screwed up, and it is, but it’s also built up really well and it’s completely in character for her at this point in her fall during these issues.

Is what she did fucked? absolutely. It’s not painted that it’s not.

Ivy Literally Goes To Kill Her For It.

In the end of this all three of them are recaptured by Catwoman and Batman and that’s where we’re starting off at again.

“Oh, Harley.

The only human I’ve ever called a friend.

To what lengths will I go? Where are my own limits? She is the Strangler fig. And I am the tree, choking underneath.

Without me, she could never grow.

But without her, I would fall if I grew too tall.”

“Will she ever stand by herself?

Will she ever be ready?

She is in throes of madness. She sees him, her brain flooding with adrenaline, it makes her excited, nervous, then the feelings start to fade, and she needs more. And more.

She sees it as passion. She sees it as love.

But it’s not. It’s addiction. And she’s relapsing.”

Ivy is well aware of the nature of their relationship. She’s not stupid and she’s been shown already to know that it’s something that takes time. It’s not a one off break up and it’s over. That’s not how abusve relationships work.

What do I do?

I could use my pheromones to alter her brain chemistry.

I could leave her behind abandoning her to the wilds of her own mind.

I could kill her right now.

Show her how red Nature can be.

There's one other option.

It would require patience.

Even love.

Maybe I'm more human than I want to admit.

"You have one chance to answer this."

I know, if she agrees, she'll be doing it for revenge. For him.

"She put us behind bars."

But maybe if I get away from this place, if I give her something else to think about. Maybe she can break the cycle. But it has to be her choice.

"I'm going to kill her. Come with me."

So yeah, it’s definitely not a just “Harley hurts her and runs off with Joker and it’s just a plain ol’ her choosing him over everyone and that’s that.”

Jarley shippers love to just reduce all her scenes and arcs down to their “epic love” and shit, but that’s taking away literally everything about her and reducing it down to the 3 panels that they’re “cute” in. Her arc in this part is fucking heartbreaking to read.

And Ivy damn well knows what’s going on with her. She’s smart and she’s the one that’s been there throughout all of this. She found her in the park after he shot her out of a rocket.

And she knows it’ll take time for Harley to get over and through his manipulation, that’s just how it works with abusive relationships.

But she’s also not forgiving at first, she’s mad and rightfully so, until she sees the sate of Harley’s cell and realizes how bad her addiction is at that time.

A lot of the unhealthy moments on Harley’s side when it comes to them are directly caused from the effects of being in an abusive relationship with Joker. Because she’s always in this area of her journey in those moments. She’s never fully over him or emancipated.

And that’s realistic. It’s hard sometimes to be friends with someone who’s in abusive relationships like theirs, having to watch them return to that person time and time again and it’s frustrating after a while.

I know from personal experience, it’s really hard to watch someone you care about go back or forgive someone that continues to hurt them.

But abuse victims desperately need a support system outside of their abuser. It’s a crucial part of being able to escape, because when they do try to get out they need someone there or they’ll literally have no where to go but back into their abuser’s arms.

It’s heartbreaking and it’s really rough for everyone effected, but that’s just how it is most of the time. Especially in their case, as they’re not just regular folk dealing with this.

If she doesn’t have Ivy, Harley has no one else to go to but Joker, on more than just an emotional level.

She’s lost her job. Her income. Her home. Her livelihood. Her everything.

Most of the time she has no other choice but to return to a life of crime after she’s released from Arkham because she can’t get a job, she’s a notorious criminal and she’s got a lot of issues that don’t just disappear with a bit of therapy.

She has no other choice but to return to Joker because the other alternative is the streets. At least she knows what to expect with him.

And that’s not even getting into the manipulation, gaslighting and degrading abuse that he drills into her constantly.

He’s made her believe she’s not anything without him. That she’s not smart or useful or anything.

And that’s why it’s so damn important for her to have a support system and why he’s so damn against Ivy.

Because Ivy is the good voice on her shoulder telling her he’s wrong and that she doesn’t deserve that.

And on Ivy’s side, she’s aware she gets very near cutting off all parts of her humanity.

She’s a plant goddess, she’s insanely powerful and she feels everything through the green. Frankly, she’s not even on the same playing field as these villains. She’s significanty more powerful than Harley and Joker.

Her connection to Harley is what keeps her humanity in tack, because despite everything, she does care about her. She was the first person she let in, the first person Ivy called a friend.

The person that was able to get through to her in #14/#15 when she was losing herself. The one that was able to get through to her that the dude was manipulating her.

“Ivy, I know you think you love this guy... but you’re just gonna end up strapped to his rocket!”

She had to knock her out for the dude to trust her / not attack them anymore. But Harley got through to her by mentioning how they first met in the park when she saved her after Joker shot her off in a rocket.

And Ivy is understandable turned off towards humans considering her origin and trauma around that.

She’s got a lot of trust issues.

But both of them work through their seperate traumas over the years because their affection for each other is stronger than the issues their trauma has given them.

and also, sometimes, they just have shit writers. that’s an issue overall in comic fandoms. Some writers just fucking suck at getting any of the characters right, let alone LGBT characters, who’re notoriously treated like garbage by DC.

#sorry if it came off a bit aggressive anon i don't mind ya asking <3 #ops just annoy me SDJSKSK #tw abuse #tw clown boy #long post #♦️ asks ♦️#harley quinn #harleen quinzel #poison ivy #pamela isley #harlivy #gotham city sirens #me? rambling in detail about Harley? yup yup

63 notes · View notes

specialagentsergio · 4 years

Text

now i’m getting colder || part one

summary: Emily’s been dating you for nearly a year and she’s never been happier--until her past come to call. Then she’s gone, and Spencer’s left to pick up the pieces of your broken heart.

pairing: spencer reid x f!reader (unrequited), emily prentiss x f!reader

category: angst

content warnings: (faked) major character death, mentions of/implied sex, mentions of vomiting (nothing descriptive), swearing

a/n: i got such a great response from the original fic, so after some requests, i decided to continue the story. thank you all for your support!

word count: 3.8k

series masterlist || masterlist

After the night in Connecticut, Spencer expects everything to change.

He expects you to start spending less time with him and more time with Emily, openly. He expects to have to watch you kiss her, listen to you gush about her to him. He thinks you may even be upset with him for exposing your relationship. So to say that he’s surprised when barely anything changes at all is an understatement.

The amount of time you spend together does go down, but only by about three hours and seventeen minutes per week. (Not that he calculated it on purpose—it’s one of those things he keeps track of without really meaning to.) You still spend a lot of your time with him, listening to him tell you about the books he’s reading and discussing what’s going to be shown at this year’s Georgetown foreign film festival. You don’t talk about Emily that much; at least, not any more than you did before.

Your behavior at work doesn’t change much, either. You and Emily keep things professional there for the most part, enough so that he can almost pretend that you aren’t in love with someone else.

Almost.

Three weeks after Connecticut, his attention is drawn away from his paperwork when you reach over the partition between your desks and tap on the wood.

“Spence.”

“What?”

“Are we still on for the Doctor Who marathon tomorrow?”

He blinks. “Oh, um.” He’s been so caught up in... well, in sulking, that he’s actually forgotten something. “Yeah, I guess. If you still want to. It’s okay if you don’t.”

You frown at him. “Why wouldn’t I want to?”

“I mean, I just figured...” He leans back in his chair, rocking it a bit. “I figured you’d rather spend time with Emily.”

“Oh.” Your expression doesn’t change much; you still look confused by his words. “Just because I have a girlfriend doesn’t mean I want to stop spending time with you, Spencer. You’re still my best friend.”

“Really?” he asks before he can stop himself.

“Really,” you affirm with a small laugh. “One o’clock, my place. Don’t forget the snacks.”

“I won’t,” he replies quietly, trying to ignore the little bud of hope sprouting in his chest, the thoughts of maybe things aren’t going well between you two and that’s why you want to spend Saturday with him, maybe you and Emily are going to break up—

You rest your chin in your hand as your expression shifts into something serene. Your gaze moves from his face to behind him and he follows it, turning in his chair to see—

Emily’s just walked back into the bullpen with a stack of files. Your eyes follow her the entire time as she makes her way to Hotch’s office, a small smile gracing your lips. You don’t even notice him watching you; you just look back down at your paperwork once she’s out of sight, that smile staying on your face.

Spencer’s chest physically aches, the bud of hope crushed. He returns to his own work, swallowing hard and trying to ignore the tears pricking at his eyes. You’ve never looked at him like that, and he would give almost anything for that to change.

---

Emily had wanted to smack herself when she realized that she was catching feelings for a coworker again.

It’s different than it was with JJ, though. With JJ, she had felt an instant connection. She had felt drawn to her like a moth to a flame. And just like a moth, she had been burned—JJ had never felt the same towards Emily as Emily did to her. She might have, someday. But then JJ met Will, and the rest was history.

You’re something entirely different. Emily’s always found you attractive, but for a long time, she didn’t have any desire to do more than simply enjoy the view. It takes her a while to really get to know you, since you spend so much time with Reid. But as she does, she finds herself more and more interested in you. A year passes, then two. One thing leads to another, and another, until one day she finds herself, slightly tipsy at one of Rossi’s dinner parties, looking at her friend and thinking, god I’d like to kiss her.

Following that realization, she notices a few things—you gravitate towards her at work, save her a seat on the jet and request to room with her when you have to double up. She thinks you’ve started touching her more than normal, too, placing a hand on her as you walk past and picking stray cat hairs off of her clothes.

The profiler in her recognizes these as signs of attraction. Now she just has to get up the nerve to make a move.

It happens in a hotel room in Phoenix. You return there from the FBI field office, both still riding the high of a successful takedown. You’ve always worked well together, and this case was no exception. You were the ones who made the breakthrough on it, leading the team right to the unsub.

You’d also been the pair that ended up at the location where he was. He’d tried to run, but you’d worked together without conscious thought. Emily had pursued directly while you took a side route. You cut him off quickly, and moments later had him in handcuffs and on his way back to the SUV. No injuries or additional casualties. It’s just about the best ending to a case that you can ask for.

You’re practically vibrating with excitement and leftover adrenaline when you turn to face her in the hotel room. And that smile on your face—god, it’s one of the most beautiful things she’s ever seen.

To hell with it, she thinks, and in the boldest romantic move she’s ever made, says, “I want to kiss you.”

She doesn’t even have time to feel nervous, because you answer immediately by taking her face in your hands and pressing your lips to hers.

Emily’s kissed women before, plenty of them. But none of those kisses had ever felt like this. No other kiss has felt so... right.

She can’t keep her hands in one place as she kisses you back; they roam everywhere, from the back of your neck, to your shoulders, your waist, your hips. You seem to be having a similar dilemma; she can feel you touching her everywhere, as if you can’t get enough of her. It becomes clear where you’re hoping this will go when you push her blazer off her shoulders. She has absolutely no complaints about that, and guides you to the bed that’s closest.

After, curled up in her arms, legs entwined with hers, you say, “I want more than just this. Not that it wasn’t fantastic,” you add. “It absolutely was. But I want this to be more than just sex, you know?”

“You want a relationship,” Emily infers.

“Yeah.”

She puts a finger on your chin and nudges it up so she can look you in the eye. “That’s what I want, too.”

You smile at her and kiss her again, gently this time. You sigh in content as you settle your head back on her chest.

Emily doesn’t think she’s ever felt happier.

---

A case the BAU gets in a gated community turns out to be a unique challenge.

“And that is the whole kit and kaboodle on each of your sixty-four suspects,” Garcia says. “Nothing really stands out.”

“That’s pretty much the main problem we’re going to have here,” Spencer says. You’ve got your back to him right now, so he’s taking the opportunity to watch you.

“Yeah. Vanilla doesn’t make your job any easier.”

“No, it does not.”

“So, um,” Garcia starts. “How’s it going with the agent whose father was a... you know?”

He frowns. “How’d you know that?”

“I might have looked into someone’s hidden background,” she admits. When he doesn’t say anything, she continues, “What? I am not gonna let some strange new person travel with my family and not find out who they are.”

Spencer glances at Seaver before returning his gaze to you. You’re wearing a sweater he’s never seen before today, and it’s really working for you. “I don’t know, she seems fine.”

“What is that in your voice?”

He scrunches his eyebrows. “What’s what in my voice?”

“Oh my god, you think she’s pretty!” she exclaims.

“What? I never said that!” he protests. He starts to panic—Garcia is notoriously bad at keeping secrets; she absolutely cannot know how he feels about you—before realizing that she’s still talking about Seaver.

“Ho, ho, you totally do,” she practically cackles. “Ha ha! PG out, lover boy.”

He frowns down at his phone before putting it back in his pocket. Whatever his tell was, he’s going to have to figure out what it is and stop doing it. He’s lucky Garcia wasn’t there to see who he was actually looking at.

“What was that about?”

Spencer jumps a little. You’ve snuck up on him, coming over when he wasn’t looking at you. “Oh, uh, n—nothing. It was nothing.”

You raise your eyebrows. “I don’t believe you. Your voice did that thing.”

“What thing?”

“You know, the thing where it jumps an octave when you’re surprised,” you say, pointing up.

“Oh. Right.” He clears his throat. “It was just Garcia being... you know, Garcia.”

“Uh-huh.” The expression on your face says you still don’t quite believe him, but to his relief, you move on. “Did she find anything in our suspect pool?”

“Unfortunately, no.”

“That’s a shame.”

“Yeah. I like your sweater, by the way,” he blurts out, the words completely bypassing his brain-to-mouth filter.

You give him that smile, the bright, genuine smile that he absolutely adores. “Thanks!” you say. “Emily got it for me.”

Spencer’s never been able to look away from that smile before.

There’s a first time for everything.

---

When Reid stumbles upon the two of you kissing outside of the hotel room, Emily’s actually relieved. You’d both been talking about taking your relationship public for a while, and now she doesn’t have to come up with a way to actually do it. (You’d vetoed her “just stop keeping yourself quiet when I go down on you in hotel rooms” suggestion.)

But you don’t share that relief. Instead, your mood has changed from playful to anxious—she notices your nervous tic as you both enter the room.

She guides you to sit with her on one of the beds. “(Y/N), what’s wrong?”

“I...” You chew on your bottom lip. She waits patiently for you to gather your thoughts. “That’s not how I wanted it to go,” you say eventually.

“It’s not how I pictured it, either.” She tilts her head, unsure what to say to make you feel better. “It could’ve been worse, I guess.”

“What do you mean?”

“It could’ve been Rossi.”

That gets a small laugh from you, but the smile doesn’t last. It drops mere moments later as you look at the wall your room shares with Reid and Morgan’s. “Do you think he’s mad at me?” you ask.

Emily blinks. “Why on earth would he be mad at you?”

“Well, it’s Spencer,” you say. “’Trust issues’ is practically his middle name, and I’ve been keeping this—us—from him for months.”

She takes a moment to consider this. You’re right, of course—no one knows Reid better than you. He does have trust issues; abandonment ones, too. But she still can’t imagine him ever being mad at you.

“I’m not sure it’s even possible for him to be mad at you.” She takes one of your hands in both of hers. “But I’ll talk to him, let him know this is on me.”

You relax a little, but still say, “You don’t have to.”

Emily shakes her head. “I want to,” she assures. “Besides, it’s the least I can do, since you’ve gone along with my boundaries for so long.”

“Of course,” you say quietly, and tip your head to rest on her shoulder. “Thanks.”

“It’s gonna be okay.” She squeezes your hand. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

---

There’s something going on with you and Emily.

He sees it in Emily first, noticing that she’s biting her nails and acting hypervigilant, constantly scanning her surroundings as if she’s looking out for something.

He can tell you’re worried, too. You’re watching her more than normal, but with a frown instead of a smile, and you’re quick to look away if she glances at you. Your bottom lip is getting chapped and irritated from how often you’re worrying it between your teeth.

Spencer isn’t sure what to make of it. It doesn’t help that he’s having headaches more and more often, and getting through them is taking up most of his energy. Even worse, you’re so focused on Emily that you don’t seem to notice that something’s wrong with him, too.

He desperately wants you to, and it’s not because he’s in love with you. He just wants to talk to someone, needs to talk to someone about these headaches, about how much they’re scaring him and how all the doctors say he’s fine but he doesn’t believe them. He knows you would listen, but he just can’t seem to bring it up, can’t overcome his fear of being a burden.

He needs his best friend, but she just doesn't seem to be around right now.

---

“I swear to god, Ian, you come anywhere near her, and I will end you.”

The words she’d spoken just two weeks ago when Doyle brought up your name echo in Emily’s head as she looks down at Tsia’s body. She knew he was hunting all of them, but she didn’t expect this. She’d thought she had gotten Tsia out of harm’s way. Instead, she’d sent her right into it.

She’s usually fine with corpses and blood. After all, she’s seen far worse than a gunshot because of this job. But this is her friend, she was talking to her just yesterday—

Morgan finds her out by the fence lining the building with vomit on her boots. He asks what he can do, and she convinces him to swing by her apartment on the way back to the BAU, not only so she can change, but so she can get rid of the necklace.

Hotch has just barely started the briefing when they return. His words fade to white noise as she looks over her team, her family. Doyle’s killing families, and now that they’re on the case, hers is next. They just don’t know it.

Her eyes come to a stop on you. The entire team was awake most of the night and everyone’s wearing yesterday’s clothes, but you look as beautiful as ever.

Emily knows you’ve been worried about her this past month, but you’ve also been so patient. You’ve never asked her outright what’s going on, instead dropping hints like you can talk to me about anything and have I ever told you that my college psychology professor said I’m a great listener? When you notice her keeping an odd schedule, leaving for hours at a time, you only ask that she text you when she gets home for the night so you’ll know she’s safe.

When Doyle had revealed that he knew what you were to her, Emily’s first thought had been that she should break up with you, for your own safety. But she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. You were her safe place, her calm in the center of the storm, her sanctuary.

Her profiler brain had backed her up: Ian wasn’t going to care about the official status of your relationship. He already knew she loved you, and he’d recognize that calling it off right after their meeting would be about protection rather than a change in her feelings.

So she had stayed with you, retreated to her safe place when it all became too much. This past month had been hell, but it would have been even worse without you there to keep her head above water.

You are, without a doubt, the best thing that ever happened to her. And she’ll be damned if Ian Doyle was going to take that away from her.

Enough.

It was time to end this.

---

The only word Spencer can use to describe the hospital waiting room is surreal. It’s eerily quiet. No one is talking, not even Garcia; she’s scribbling in a notebook instead. People switch between sitting and standing. He paces for a while before sitting next to Penelope, hunching forward in a way he knows is going to make his back hurt in a few hours. Everyone’s restless, even if they try to hide it.

Everyone, that is, except you. You’ve barely moved at all.

It had all happened so quickly. Not long after the briefing, they realized Emily was gone. From the document she had gotten from her informants, the team had quickly been able to deduce that four of the names were spies—and through that, that Emily was one, and she was on Doyle’s list.

Hotch found her gun and badge in her desk.

“That doesn’t make sense,” Spencer had said. “Why run? We’re her family. We can help.”

“That’s why,” you’d responded hollowly. “He’s killing families. She ran to protect us.”

It had been a comfort to see JJ walk back into the bullpen, and she was able to get ahold of crucial information: Emily had gone undercover as Lauren Reynolds and began a romantic relationship with Doyle in order to profile him.

It was information that didn’t sit well with most of them, Morgan especially. But you hadn’t seemed too bothered, almost as if it wasn’t news to you. Spencer had brought it up as you were both collecting your go bags for the flight to Boston.

“That didn’t seem to surprise you. Emily sleeping with him,” he clarified when you just raised an eyebrow at him.

“I knew there was a guy she was with for a while,” you’d said. “She told me a bit about what their relationship was like. Said it wasn’t real to her. I didn’t know he was a terrorist.”

Overall, you had handled this as well as could be expected. If it were you instead of Emily, Spencer thinks he would have been an absolute wreck. He definitely wouldn’t have been able to work the case as well as you had. There were some points where the stress had gotten the better of you, though, like when they were watching the video of Emily’s failed ambush and Morgan voiced his discomfort with it.

“She threw a flash-bang grenade into a car. She’s lucky the three people inside didn’t die. Is anybody else bothered by that?”

“No,” you had said bluntly.

Rossi had immediately tried to smooth it over by saying, “Well, three bad guys.”

Seaver is the one who makes the breakthrough on the case, posing the question of, why families? Hotch is able to convince Clyde to help, and Garcia tracked down Doyle’s son. You had recognized Emily’s hands in the photos of Declan’s faked death, and everything had clicked into place, the final piece of the puzzle of her past.

Morgan was the only one on the team to go into the building. “We’re already bending the rules by doing this ourselves,” Hotch had explained. “Our connection to Prentiss compromises the case. We can only afford to send one of us in there. The rest of us will wait outside in the case that he calls for backup.”

Morgan’s call over the comms had given Spencer emotional whiplash. “I’ve got her!” sparking intense relief, but quickly followed by, “I need a medic!”

Hotch had kept everyone from crowding the ambulance. They’d only gotten a brief glimpse of Emily being loaded into the back of it. Morgan had come over to the group once the doors shut and updated everyone on her condition.

“She, um...” He cleared his throat, clearly trying to reign in his emotions. “She was stabbed. She’s lost a lot of blood.”

“Okay,” you’d said faintly. Then you’d walked a few feet away and thrown up on the pavement.

You haven’t said anything since.

When the team had first arrived at the hospital, you had just stood in the middle of the waiting room, barely moving, until Garcia guided you to sit in a chair. Spencer had tried to talk to you a few times, just to check in, see if you needed anything, but you hadn’t responded at all. Your eyes were unfocused, and he could tell you were lost in whatever was happening in your head.

They wait for a long time. Spencer knows the exact number is floating around in his head somewhere, but he doesn’t care to track it down.

JJ walks in. Everyone looks up. The look on her face says everything he needs to know.

“No,” Garcia whispers at his side.

JJ draws in a breath. “She never made it off the table.”

His body moves on its own; he stands from his chair and tries to leave the room, but JJ stops him with a hand on his chest. “Spence.”

“I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye,” he says, only able to glance at her face once.

“Come here,” JJ says, her voice just barley audible, and pulls him into a hug.

His face crumples, and he starts to cry. His feelings about Emily may have been... complex the last few months, but regardless of any jealousy or anger, she was still one of his closest friends, and he loved her. She was like the big sister he never had, always looking out for him. Being told she’s gone—it doesn’t feel real.

JJ is the one to break the hug, pulling back from him as gently as she can. When he turns back to face the team, his eyes land on you.

You’re sitting next to Rossi and you’ve practically collapsed into him now, your body shaking with silent sobs. Rossi has a few tears of his own falling down his face as he runs his hand up and down your back.

Spencer doesn’t bother to wipe away his own tears as he makes his way to the vacant seat on your other side. He gently places his hand on top of one of yours and says your name quietly. You don’t move except to turn your hand palm up, put your fingers through his, and grip it so tightly, it’s as if you’re hanging on for dear life. He supposes you are.

You’re going to need your best friend to get through this. He knows that because he’s going to need you as well. He may be hopelessly in love with you and long for you to feel the same way, but it doesn’t matter anymore.

It doesn’t matter, because Emily is gone. She’s gone; she isn’t coming back.

And the world feels colder without her.

---------------

tell me what you thought here!

#spencer reid x reader #emily prentiss x reader #spencer reid fanfic #emily prentiss fanfic #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds self insert #angst #spencer reid #emily prentiss #my fic

247 notes · View notes

dadsbongos · 3 years

Note

*bows down to you* I would like to know your despair arc headcanons for antag reader! Literally love antag reader so much 😳

ahhhhhh nonny please let me treat you to my adoration, i can’t thank you enough for asking me about my despair arc hcs for antag reader

Request for: Fuck it, not even Hajime anymore it’s just antag reader. Girlboss moment Warnings: fuckin despair arc tings lmao there’s a lot to deal with, face cutting, abuse (emotional, mental, physical) cuz hi junko enoshima, manipulation cuz hi junko enoshima, self mutilation/harm, mikan/junko toxicity, gore, vomiting ~~~

Headcanons:

🐇Okay so I’ve said it before but!! 🐇She was in that toxic relationship between Mikan and Junko 🐇Junko would make her and Mikan compete for any and all affections just to cause them both despair (which even if “won”, was still denied) 🐇And then anytime she could, Junko would just absolutely berate (Y/n)’s looks and talent, calling the Ultimate Copycat a “fake talent” and “just stealing” 🐇So after Junko died, (Y/n) found her body and cut off portions of her face and replaced them with patches of Junko to “be more like her Despair” 🐇She would find people who wanted to fight for hope and take them in, insisting that she was on their side and would lead them to her house for “safety” 🐇Then she’d just restrain them with Mikan so they could perform experiments and surgeries on them together 🐇Definitely helps Kazuichi build his bigger machines, using the more intelligence she has to make better plans for what they’ll do with them 🐇I imagine that as a copycat antag, she’s got a shitload of charisma so she prolly just gets a load of followers 🐇I’m not saying it’s a cult… but 🐇Probably was the influencer for Nagito’s decision to become Servant 🐇Since he was already serving her all the time pre-despair he decided to join the WOH as their servant 🐇As for when she got captured by the Future Foundation… 🐇Was probably one of the harder ones to capture like Nekomaru and Gundham since she could be the Ultimate at almost anything she wanted 🐇When being interrogated by the Future Foundation she was probably smug and cocky af 🐇A solid match for Byakuya, no joke 🐇Maybe worse, like at least he sort of mellowed out with responsibility 🐇Keeps her mouth tightly shut until they mention anything about her face or Mikan 🐇Because as much as she doesn’t truly romantically love Mikan, she’s not even sure she loved Junko, she does care about the nurse very deeply 🐇So it’s when they mention having captured her that they get any sign of emotion other than cockiness 🐇When they say they have Nagito, that also gets them some words from her 🐇But if they say anything about her face, she has a little breakdown and throws a fit about how she’s better than everyone else in the room and she could kill them all if she wanted and she’s more beautiful than any of them could ever dream to be 🐇Didn’t get the chance to help Izuru release Junko into the Neoworld Program, but definitely would have if she could

Stories:

“Would you kill for me?” Junko murmured, bringing a hand up to caress (Y/n)’s cheek, rubbing her thumb over the bone, “Would you die for me?”

“I would!” she cried hysterically, tears already streaming down her face, “Please, say it! Please, just say it! I would do anything for you, please, just love me… I love you! I love you! Just love me, please…”

Her brows furrowed, bringing her gentle touch back to whip the copycat in the face with a backhand slap, “You’re so ugly, a little piggy ripe for the slaughter.”

Sobs pulled at (Y/n)’s convulsing body as she heaved on the ground. Her throat closed and dried up, chest burning and stomach churning until she finally felt her gag reflex trigger. She spat out stomach acids as she wept over a love that was never hers.

“God, you’re so nasty,” Junko kicked her in the ass, knocking her down into her own puke, “Get out and don’t come back until I command.”

“Love me… love me… love me… please… I beg you…!”

“Do you think if I crushed my hand, Junko would care?”

“No.”

“Sonia wouldn’t care if you crushed yours.”

Kazuichi’s eyes flickered from his work to (Y/n), “I know.”

“It’d be…”

“Despairful?”

“Absolutely morbid,” her tone was breathy, a grin easing up over her lips and heart beating faster as she set aside the half-finished Monokuma and pressed her hand onto the metal desk, raising her heavy wrench above her head.

Kazuichi was quick to copy the moves, eyes wide in anticipation and muscles twitching as his brain desperately tried sending the signals for him to stop.

“One…”

“Two…”

“Three!”

Screams echoed in the warehouse following the sickening crunch of bones under the torturous weight of their wrenches. Kazuichi looked at the girl through his tears, “Again?”

In the midst of her agonized cries, she nodded, blubbering about how horrific the pain was, “Yes, yes, again!”

And so, the countdown started once again.

“One, two, three!”

More bones broken, more pain blasting through their hands for their beloveds to reject everything they were. For the loves they held so dear to look upon them and their injuries and roll their eyes - because they were meaningless in their loves’ eyes.

And that was the despair they craved.

Nagito held out his chain, grimacing when it was Izuru who took it rather than (Y/n) before shoving that hatred back into his chest. Izuru may be a despair-filled faker with no real talent he’d been born with, but he himself, Nagito Komaeda - Servant - was worse.

He wasn’t worth the air in his lungs. Not even human garbage as he was barely passable as a human being.

Then, his eyes traveled once again to (Y/n). His dearest and closest friend.

Izuru may have had more talents mastered, but she was natural. She was genuine and had taken the time to master her Ultimate herself while Izuru had them all planted inside his brain as if he had a right to them at all. It was like watching a slacker get all the credit that a hard-worker had already done. Infuriating.

He wished to see (Y/n) ascend into hope once more, he truly believed she could pave the way above everyone else. She had to. She was better than everyone else, it was up to her to return them to hope, once she realized hope for herself.

He believed in her and her hope - once Enoshima’s metaphorical hands were ripped from her spirit.

And he liked to think she had fresh patches of skin that weren't hers, still red around the scars and peeling, were there for the same reason he had a new hand that wasn’t his.

“She’s so much like Byakuya,” Makoto mumbled, watching through the glass as their newest captured Despair, (Y/n) (L/n), tapped her nails against the table her hands were chained to.

“First that troublesome imposter and now her, who do they think they are? They’re not even near being worthy of the Togami name.”

Kyoko scanned the girl, “She was screaming at the guards earlier when they pointed out the scars and patches on her face. Perhaps bringing it up again will get her to talk about some things.”

“We…” Makoto stopped, shivering at the memory of Junko Enoshima’s corpse when they’d found it on the side of the road outside their old school. Patches missing from a bloodied, pulpy face, “We already know what happened. What more could you want her to talk about?”

“Maybe she knows where some of her classmates are.”

“The nurse freaked out when we mentioned her, maybe if we bring Mikan up to (Y/n), she’ll have a similar reaction,” the Ultimate Hope offered up.

Nodding, Kyoko turned towards the door into the interrogation room, “It’s worth a shot.”

Five minutes was all they got, Makoto Naegi said. He was compassionate and understanding and so sweet. Of course, he’d set up a meeting between the lovers who didn’t know if they ever really loved each other.

Mikan was always unusually cold and smelled of lavender with a hint of vanilla, her hands were soft and her lips a lovely shade of pink.

Now, as (Y/n) held the nurse’s hand over the interrogation table and basked in her presence, she could feel how much she’d changed in despair. She was still cold but now she reeked of dirt and blood, no matter how many showers she’d taken. Her lips were much paler; dry and cracked. Hands rough and calloused.

“They told me you took her womb.”

“You took her face.”

“You’ll bear her children?”

“You’ll bear her beauty?”

It was always a fight. It was always a competition. For more. For love. For the affection and attention they’d been deprived of all their lives.

“Have you… tried conceiving?”

There was silence. Mikan looked down at the table and then back up at (Y/n).

Her skin was no longer peeling along the jagged incision sites but her scars were infecting when she’d been taken in and it was obvious. They were puffy and oozed every so often.

She looked back down.

“With who?”

Shaking her head, Mikan tightened her grip on the girl’s hand.

“Why didn’t you get me to do the skin graft?”

“You were probably busy.”

“I would’ve done it anyway. I’d done Fuyuhiko’s eye.”

There was more silence. Stiffness building in the girls’ bodies the longer their quietness buzzed in the room.

“Am I still beautiful…?” it was rare to see vulnerability in (Y/n).

“Almost like our beloved herself.” it was rare to hear a lie from Mikan.

It wasn’t the scars or the blood or the skin patches, it was the act of how she’d gotten them. Scars and patches didn’t make a person ugly, but stealing pieces of a dead woman’s face and using them as your own did.

#antag reader #sdr2 x reader #mikan tsumiki x reader #junko x reader #nagito x reader #anon chatter :)

90 notes · View notes

jungshookz · 4 years

Note

OMG UNI YOONGI TALKING TO LISA TO MAKE OC JEALOUS BUT Y/N GETS A LIDDOL UPSET BC LISA'S SO PRETTY AND SO PLAN BACKFIRES AND YOONGI IS LIKE OHNO

➺ pairing; min yoongi x reader

➺ genre; uni!yoongiverse!!!!! if u want to read something that’ll make your heart happy then you just struck gold

➺ wordcount: 6.4k

➺ summary; yoongi’s plan to make you jealous doesn’t go exactly as he’d expected.

➺ what to expect; “i’m y/n y/l/n, my student ID is 10120200, and today i will be discussing the neurobiology behind the complicated mask of romantic attraction.”

➺ optional reading: not necessary but feel free to read some other drabbles from the uni!yoongiverse!

➺ note; okay so thiS was originally how y/n and yoongi got together in the first place but before i had a chance to finish it i ended up writing that christmas mistletoe drabble instead!!! but i still wanted to share this version with u guys :-) also i am the worst at finding the source for gifs but i found it off here!! and the info used in this drabble is from this website!! ok i’m shutting up now happy reading!!!

»»————-　♡　————-««

yoongi is not used to this

and by this he means you

and by you he means he doesn’t understand why you don’t seem to be as into him as much as he’s into you and it’s weird because (not to toot his own horn or anything) he thinks he’s preTTy good at wrapping people around his dainty pinky finger and it just doesn’t seem to be working with you!!

did that sentence even make any sense??

does anything even make any sense anymore????

“-i guess, to answer your question, i don’t really know what to do which is weird because i’m usually pretty confident with everything that i do. you know?” yoongi sighs and shakes his head

the cashier blinks owlishly at him

all she asked him was ‘how are you doing today?’

“so… are you going to order anything or…?

yoongi clears his throat before turning to glance at the very long line of impatient university students wanting their daily fix of caffeine

see????

look what you’ve doNE TO HIM

you’ve broken him and he doesn’t know how to fix himself!!

“…one medium iced vanilla cold brew, please.”

yoongi stares blankly into space as he slurps up the remainder of his coffee

he shakes the cup around a little and the ice rattles inside

“good morning!”

yoongi looks up and nods in acknowledgement as lisa plops down next to him

anyone who’s said that you can’t be friends with your ex obviously didn’t have a meaningful relationship with them

because yoongi and lisa are doing just fine!

they take a history course together

he didn’t actually knoW they were in the same class until he was (very) late to class one day and the only seat left was next to her and he thought that if he didn’t sit next to her the next class that that would open up a whole can of worms that he definitely did noT want to open up (“how come you’re not sitting with me anymore? is it because we used to have sex and now you can’t look me in the eye without thinking about how you broke up with me and your reason was ‘i don’t know, i just feel like we’re… not a great couple’?”)

but the point is

they get along great!

they don’t hang out outside of class but they get along inside of class which is what matters

“shit, did you happen to get the notes from the last slide? i missed some of the last bullet points-“ lisa grabs yoongi’s notebook and huffs when she sees that all he has on this page are some half-assed notes and a lot of doodles “you are of no use to me.”

“it’s all part of my charm, baby.” yoongi sighs and leans back against the squeaky seat

“i have no idea what i saw in you in the first place.” lisa mumbles to herself as returns her attention to the screen

“oh, babe… you’re making me blush!” yoongi coos before giving her a little punch on the shoulder

“you’re making me want to jump off a cliff- and don’t touCH me-“

and all of a sudden

it hits him

he knows what to do to get you to talk to him!!

he’s spent the last forty minutes of class thinking about your cuTe face and how he’s going to get closer to you but something about what lisa said just inspired him

actually it had nothing to do with what lisa said

it had more to do with her presence and her subtle reminder that they used to date

he needs a catalyst of some kind

he needs to.,.,., to catalyse yoU!

(he learned that word from chemistry but he’s not sure if he’s using it correctly he’ll have to fact-check that with u)

yoongi nudges lisa’s side and she scowls before nudging him back harder

“oW- cut it out-“ yoongi grumbles and swats at her hand

“you started it-“

“will you just shut up-“

“yoU shut up-“

“i need your help with something.” yoongi hisses as he begins to scribble the plan down on his notebook so that lisa can read it instead of him having to whisper it to her in its entirety

he’s not very useful to her but she’s about to be very useful to him

he now knows exactly what to do

>:-)

“if you keep bouncing your leg like that i won’t hesitate to slice it off with this flimsy wooden pathetic excuse of a knife.” jimin leans over to poke the tip of the dull knife into your forearm and you huff before whacking his hand away

“i can’t help it, you knoW i get jumpy when i’m nervous.”

god

you feel itchy

is it hot in here??

or is it just you??

hopefully your armpits aren’t sweaty

nothing kills the mood more than swampy pits

am i right ladies

“y/n, you know he likes you back-“

“no, actually, i don’t know that.” you shake your head before leaning over to peek at the entrance of the cafeteria doors again “he’s never explicitly stated that he likes me back so i can’t just go around-“

“he doesn’t need to tell you! he- he literally spooned you in the middle of class aND he made me give up being your partner for the presentation so that he could be your partner instead.” jimin raises a brow when you look back at him

“…and your point is?”

he groans quietly and rolls his eyes

how can someone so smart be so stupid at the same time

here’s what’s happening

you think you’re finally going to do something about your feelings for yoongi (gross)

and the thing is, you actually weren’t planning on doing anything today because you like to plan things out in advance but somehoW jimin convinced you that this would be a good idea

anyways

you’re going to ask yoongi if he’d like to join you (and jimin) for lunch!

it’s not a big step but at least it’s somEthing

and it’s not like asking him to sit with you at lunch is you professing your undying love for him

it’s just lunch!

maybe if you’re lucky, when he sits down next to you, you can scooch in closer so that the side of your leg is touching the side of his leg

and if you’re extra lucky, maybe he won’t move away from you when you do that

:’)

you perk up when you see yoongi step into the cafeteria and your heart skips a beat when the two of you make eye contact for a brief second before he’s looking away and joining the line

alrighty

that’s your cue!

“alright-“ you slide out of the booth and wipe your clammy hands on the back of your jeans “wish me luck!”

jimin shoots you a thumbs up before reaching over to steal one of the watermelon cubes out of your fruit cup

okay

this’ll be fine

you’ll be greAt

all you have to do is ask yoongi if he wants to come and sit with you

…but you can’t just ask him without saying hi

so say hi first

you know what

you should’ve practiced this in your head before getting up and leaving the safety of the table

but now it’s too late to turn back because you’re already halfway to yoongi and you can’t just tuRn back because you know he saw you and he’s going to think it’s weird if you stopped and whipped around halfway through your somewhat confident stride towards him

damnit

daMNIT

okAY what are you going to say??

hi yoongi… how are you?

nO no that’s oddly polite

hi yoongi… what are you going to order?

nope not that either

hi yoongi… chemistry, am i right? how are your slides for the presentation coming along? i noticed some of your facts were a bit broad so i made some comments on the side to help-

??? hoW do you steer the conversation from there?? NERD

hi yoongi… what’s up with the meatloaf here?? what’s in this mystery meat?? i guess that’s why they call it a mystery! hAh

…ok that one was just weird

and just as you’re a couple feet away from yoongi, that’s when you notice that he’s not alone

nope

because he’s engaging in what looks like vEry friendly conversation with another girl

“yoongi, cut it out, you dweeb!” she giggles before giving his arm a gentle slap (her hand lingers on his arm for a good three!!! seconds) and yoongi raises his hands in defence

???????

who is this stranger??

who is this stranger and why is she touching yoongi like she’s noT a stranger???

and why isn’t yoongi acting like she’s a stranger???

“what?? i’m just saying!!”

he turns his head slightly and the two of you make eye contact yet agaIn

your eyes widen in panic

oh god

well now you definitely can’t ask him to sit with you at lunch

not when he’s talking to a literal godDESS

god!!! look at her!!!!

her hair is so long and silky and she has that whole ‘is she sexy or is she cute’ vibe going on and woW that eyeliner is impeccable

you look like you have raccoon eyes compared to her eye makeup

…you look like a raccoon compared to her

he’s obviously going to sit with her!!!!!!!

mission abort

MISSION ABORT

you immediately swerve and head towards the vending machine

okay

that didn’t go toO badly right

was your swerve smooth?

hopefully it seemed like it was a natural movement to suddenly make a JAGGED turn to the right

you know what

this is a sign

you and yoongi are not supposed to be a thing and that was a sign directly from God himself

you feel your face heating up a little when another realisation hits you

you thought yoongi liked you back and it seems that he doesn’t… and even if he did like you back, you waited too long to do something about it and he’s obviously moved on

suRe, you’ve been going around saying that you’re pretty sure yoongi doesn’t like you back and it’s not a big deal because it’s expected, why would he like me? but you only kept saying that because you wanted it to be wrong

you wanted yoongi to prove you wrong

and he moved on because you were taking too frickin long to decide what you wanted to do with him

…and you didn’t even bring any change with you so you can’t even get a bag of chips to make you feel beTTER

“i… i’m sorry, but what the hell was that?” jimin snorts as soon as you take a seat at the table and you clear your throat before shrugging

“an effort was made… and… the result came out inconclusive! so… it’s whatever.”

jimin leans over to the side a little to peek past you at yoongi who just wrapped an arm around whatever-her-name-is’ shoulders

and then he notices yoongi glancing back a little in your direction

…fascinating.

“y/n…” jimin sighs as he sets his fork down, “yoongi likes you. you know he does. everyone knows he does! you’d have to be blind to noT see how into each other you two are.”

“you’re just saying that because you’re my friend.” you sulk as you slump against your arm

“i’m saying that because it’s true, you idiot.” jimin frowns and reaches over to give the top of your head a pat, “use that big brain of yours and think about it!”

okay fine

you’ll use your stupid big brain to think about stupid yoongi and your stupid crush on him

the other week in class you were pretty bummed out because you had forgotten to bring your snack with you and you were looking forward to it all day (you slathered some strawberry jam on some crackers and made little sandwiches) and after you briefly mentioned it to yoongi (after he asked u ‘what’s a saD girl like u doing in a sad place like this’) he went quiet for a second or two before picking up his backpack and leavinG the lab

and you were very confused because class was literally starting and he just walked out like it was no big deal

you were about to get up and chase after him to bring him back but once the professor started the lecture you were pretty much bolted down to your stool

when he came back ten minutes later (thankfully the professor was playing a video for the class so yoongi was able to sneak in without being noticed) you were very surprised when he plopped a crumpled up wad of napkins(??) in front of you

“thank you for the… garbage?” you whisper as you use the back of your pencil to poke at it

“open it up.” yoongi points to the top of it and- oH okay it’s like a little parcel of some kind

it just looked like garbage to you

you reach over to unwrap the parcel and your brows knit together when you-

oOh!!!!! oh!!!!!! crackers!!!! cracker sandwiches with strawberry jam oozing out the sides!!!!!!

“have i ever told you about how much the lunch ladies love me?” yoongi grins and wiggles his eyebrows before pushing the crackers closer to you “bon appétit, m’lady.”

you perk up a little and jimin looks over at you in interest

wait a second

if yoongi didn’t like you back then he probably wouldn’t have gone out of his way just to get you a couple crackers and jam

what else has he done?

in class he always leans over to doodle on your notebook and even when you tell him to cut it out he never does

but is that flirting?

how about when he compliments your scrunchies or your socks or little things like that?

is that flirting or is that just him being nice???

okay

what about this one

how about when he walks you to class and insists you give him a kiss on the cheek as payment?

you immediately shoot straight up from the table and jimin jumps in surprise

jesus chriSt

he didn’t sign up to sit with a jack-in-the-box today

“yoongi likes me!” you gasp and jimin resists the urge to roll his eyes

“look who finally came to their senses-“

yoongi likes you!!

a lot

like a LOT

and you like yoongi a lot too!!!!

so you have no idea why you’re acting the way that you are

part of it is because he’s being kind of flirty with someone else but the other part of it is…

it’s just that you have no idea why every time he brings up the question of ‘so… what are we?’ you immediately panic and sputter out some lame excuse about how you have some work to catch up on but i’ll catch you later!!

oh god

the smile drops from your face

do you have commitment issues??? is that it??

“is it working? do you think it’s working?” yoongi forces a smile on his face to make it seem like he’s still very interested in what lisa is saying and she peeks over his shoulder before shaking her head

“i think your plan was a failure from the start anD i think we should’ve gone with my plan if you really wanted to make her jealous-“

“i’m not gonna make out with you in front of y/n-“

“well, she’s not even paying attention to us anymore. her back’s facing us.”

yoongi whips around so fast that he nearly gives himself whiplash and his shoulders droop when he realises that lisa’s right

damnit

he really thought his plan was going to work!! he thought it was foolproof!!!

obviously not because here he is

looking like a grade A foOL

“you sure you’re okay?” jimin nudges your arm as the two of you throw out your scraps and wrappers

after your whole ‘yoongi likes me!!!’ moment, you were pretty happy for like 3 seconds and then you started spiralling into a whole self-pity ‘i might have commitment issues’ thing which eventually led you back to ‘yoongi could never like someone like me… no wonder he’s off eating lunch with someone else…’ and jimin was fully ready to rip his hair out

one step forward and a miLLion steps back

anyways

you were pretty quiet for the remainder of lunch which wasn’t a huge surprise because you dO have the tendency to get a little mopey when things don’t go your way (but in your defense, who wouldn’t get mopey??)

like one time when you were assigned the topic of comparing and contrasting influential leaders during the WWI era for a history essay when you were really hoping to be assigned the topic of the impact of propaganda

you were so bummed out that you basically just leaned on jimin for the entire period of lunch without saying anything

and now it looks like it’s happening again!!!

you know what

you can’t go in circles like this for the rest of your life

this time you’re not just being mopey and pitying yourself

this time you think you’re actually going to do something about the issue (juSt like how you should’ve gone to your prof to fight for that propaganda essay)

you feel ridiculous!!

you can’t go on beating yourself up over something that you can kiNd of control!!!

you know that you wanna be with yoongi officially

you know that there’s a mutual attraction between the two of you

and most importantly you want to be able to call him your boyfriend and not just a classmate that you sometimes flirt with and all-the-times fantasise about holding hands with

you’re finally ready to sit him down and tell him you definitely like him and that you definitely want to be with him and you are noT about to let him slip away this easily!!

seeing him with someone else lit a fire under your ass

…and you know exactly how you’re going to handle this.

to say the least

yoongi is.,,.,..,

concerned

very, very concerned

he hasn’t spoken to you in like three days and he’s pretty sure you’re avoiding him

and he knows this because the other day after you came out of class and saw him standing there waiting for you (like he usually does) you immediately diverted your gaze and attempted to hide behind a bunch of people before disappearing down the opposite end of the hallway

and then when he walked into class to go and sit next to you like he always does he was very surprised to see that jimin had reclaimed his spot next to you

…and if those aren’t signs of you avoiding him/being upset with him he doesn’t know what is!!

if anything he thought the whole lisa plan was going to get you all riled up and jealous which was something that he will openly admit to vEry much wanting to see because let’s be real seeing someone get jealous is always a little hot

but instead it seemed to have upset you and possibly hurt your feelings which was the complete opposite of what yoongi wanted and now he doesn’t know what to DO

usually he’s the one that does the avoiding! whenever he gets into little riffs with girls (most of the time they’re upset about him not texting and/or calling back which he admits is his fault and he could’ve handled those situations more maturely but that’s not the point) all he has to do is like smile at them in class and they immediately forgive him because he has a greAt smile

also usually it’s other people who are trying to make him jealous!!! so it’s pretty weird that hE was the one trying to make someone jealous!!!

he doesn’t like the taste of his own medicine

it’s bitter and he can’t get it out of his mouth

he-

yoongi jumps when his phone buzzes in his back pocket

from: nerdzilla [1:58pm] - Yoongi, can you come to lecture hall A in the maple building right now?

huh

okay

it looks like you’re no longer avoiding him which he supposes is a good sign

…but nothing good can ever happen in a lecture hall

“there you are! i was worried you got lost.” you smile lightly as yoongi steps into the lecture hall looking very out of place

“what’s… uh, what’s going on?” yoongi raises a brow as he makes his way down the steps

“take a seat and it’ll all make sense soon.” you gesture for him to sit near the front before turning to make sure everything’s hooked up and ready to go

yoongi lets out a sigh as he plops down in one of the seats

a moment of silence goes by before he decides that he should probably be the first one to speak up and at least trY to smooth things over

but before he even opens his mouth you’ve already dimmed the lights in the auditorium anD attached a mini microphone to your sweater

you clear your throat before stepping forward a little bit

“i’m y/n y/l/n, my student number is 10120200, and today i will be discussing the neurobiology behind the complicated mask of romantic attraction.” you swallow your nerves after introducing the presentation before clicking to the next slide

what in the world

what is happening

yoongi looks around at the empty auditorium before looking back at you

he still doesn’t know if you’re mad or upset or mupset and if this is just how you process your emotions but maybe he’ll just sit back and relax for now

“now, in order to understand brain chemistry, we need to understand the different chemicals that are involved in the process of romantic attraction. there are four hormones that are important when it comes to understanding love - cortisol, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. we’ve actually discussed these hormones in class, so if i, say, asked you what cortisol is, you would say…” you trail off and turn to face yoongi and he immediately straightens up

he didn’t think he’d be teSted during whatever the hell this is but okay

you reviewed all of these terms with him for the last quiz so you’d be more than disappointed if he’d already forgotten about them

“if you asked me what cortisol was, i would say…” yoongi narrows his eyes slightly before pursing his lips

why is he sweating all of a sudden

he’s nervous

why does he feel like he’s in cLASS

this ain’t right!!! this was a trick!!!!

“cortisol.” yoongi mumbles as his fingers drum anxiously against his kneecap, “court-isol… courting a mate… courting someone can be stressful- ooh, cortisol is the steroid that is released when we’re stressed!” yoongi claps his hands together and grins widely when you nod proudly before turning back to look at the slide

hAH

he’s still got it

“so, in short - cortisol is a stress hormone, dopamine seeks out pleasure, norepinephrine makes you highly excitable, and serotonin is a mood stabiliser. when you’ve got a crush on someone, your serotonin drops as your cortisol levels increase, which then makes your brain pump out dopamine, which produces norepinephrine.” you turn to look at yoongi to make sure he’s still paying attention and he now looks moRe lost than he was before “do you get it?”

“i… can you repeat that? but in a completely different way? and with different words? significantly easier, simpler words?”

“i mean… i thought i’d already explained it in pretty simple terms-“

“in whAT universe was that simple???”

“okay, what about this- basically, when you’re in the process of falling for someone, all of the hormones that make you anxious and energetic are super duper high while the one that keeps you stable is super duper low.”

“thank you. you should know by now that you have to explain things to me like that.” yoongi snorts before leaning back against the chair and kicking his legs back up and flicking his wrist “alright, you have my permission to carry on.”

you roll your eyes playfully before turning back to face the screen

“there are approximately twenty commonly-reported thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that are associated with falling in love, but in the interest of time, i’m just going to be covering three.”

yoongi (bless his heart) is still trying to figure out what the point of all of this is but is struggling a little because he’s also trying to focus on this presentation of your at the same time

meanwhile, you’re pretty close to pissing yourself on stage because you’ve never confessed your feelings for anyone before and you hate that you can’t decipher the meaning behind yoongi’s poker face

is he playing along??? is he just letting you go through with this presentation even though he already knows what you’re hinting at???

or is he actually confused and has nO idea what he’s doing here??? does he think you’re wasting his precious time????

“number one: intrusive thinking.” you interrupt your internal ramble as you switch to the next slide, “when we’re in the process of falling for someone, our levels of serotonin drop significantly.” you pause and whip around to face yoongi, "remind me again what serotonin is?”

yoongi’s eyes widen slightly

uh-oh

he’s being put on the spot agaIN??

god

is it too late to drop out of this class?????

“uh… can i get a pass on this one?”

you frown

u literally just said what serotonin was like three seconds ago

he’s so bad at listening!!!! no wonder he needs your help all the time!!!

“serotonin is a mood stabilizer, so it makes you feel…“

“calm!!! and in control!!! and- and stabilized!!” yoongi spRings up from his seat with a raised hand before bouncing up and down

“there we go.” you smile lightly when yoongi gives himself a pat on the back

he’s so cute when he’s proud of himself :-(

“anyways - serotonin stops the triggering of obsessive-compulsive behaviour. however, when the level of dopamine is larger than the level of serotonin, that means you don’t have as much control over your obsessive thoughts and behaviours, which is why when you… have a crush on someone, they’re on your mind all the time.” you clear your throat when you feel a little tickle at the back of your throat

it’s almost like your body is rejecting the idea of u telling yoongi u like him and trying to tell you to sTOP STOP STOP but it’s waaaay too late to stop now

“you find yourself checking your phone all the time to see if they texted you back. when you get an assignment back, your first thought isn’t ‘hey, i did a good job!’ like it usually is, and instead it’s ‘hey, i wonder if they did a good job too!’. they’re the first thing you think about when you wake up and the last thing you think about before you fall asleep. and it’s… weird, having this person take up so much space in your mind, it’s like… thinking about not thinking about them makes you think about them even more?”

“…thinking about not thinking about them makes you… ah, okay, i understand. got it!” yoongi shoots you a uncharacteristically dorky double thumbs up and you can’t help but snort

“number two: a change in priorities.” you click to the next slide

maybe it’s a good thing that yoongi hasn’t caught on yet

you’re actually starting to enjoy giving this presentation even if it’s not for marks and doesn’t count towards any of your grades whatsoever

“the active hormone in this case would be dopamine. which is…?” you turn to look at yoongi and the smile immediately drops from his face

have you not learned that he is incapable of answering questions on the spot like this???

“dopamine… makes you… feel dope. therefore… dopamine… is… it makes you feel… good…”

okay you’re going to be here all afternoon if you keep picking on yoongi like this

“how about you just…sit back and relax?” you offer yoongi a sheepish smile, “i promise i won’t ask you any more questions.”

yoongi’s shoulders visibly droop and he lets out a breath of relief before leaning back against the seat

thank GOD because he’s really not sure how much more information he can pull out of his ass

“so, dopamine makes you seek out pleasure-“

“which is basically what i said-“

“as i implied earlier, a spike in dopamine is involved with having intrusive thoughts. a change in priorities has a lot to do with this spike, because you’ll try pretty much anything to get to the reward that can bring you pleasure - obviously this reward i’m talking about is the person i’m crushing- i- i mean, the person that you- the person that one has a crush on.” you stammer before reaching up to scratch the back of your neck

ooh boy

we’re falling off the rails a little here

yoongi raises a brow

he’s never seen you get so twitchy before

especially not when you’re giving presentations because you literally live laugh loVE to give presentations

last week you showed him a presentation of all the things you ate over the weekend and it was actually surprisingly informative and entertaining

“um… so… right! a change in priorities. for example, even if you hated something like skateboarding - and i’m talking really, reaLLy hated - you might suddenly be super cool with giving it a go!” you shrug before unconsciously brushing your fingers over your scratched up elbows that resulted from yoongi trying to teach you how to skateboard a couple weeks ago

yoongi’s brows knit together in deep thought as the gears click-click-click away in his head

why are you giving this presentation in the first place? what’s the whole purpose of it? why this subject in particular? how come no one else is here with-

yoongi perks up in his seat when it hits him

suddenly every single detail about this peculiar situation rushes over him like a tidal wave

…the neurobiology behind the complicated mask of romantic attraction…

…what is cortisol?? cortisol is a stress hormone that is released when ur courting a mate…

…’hey, i wonder if they did a good job!’ instead of ’hey, i did a good job!’…

…really, really hate skateboarding… suddenly willing to give it a go…

“-and finally, having an intense increase in energy!” yoongi snaps out of his whirlpool of thoughts when you suddenly clap your hands together, “dopamine - which, hopefully you’ll remember increases when you feel desire and arousal for someone - produces norepinephrine, which is the hormone associated with feelings of excessive energy and restlessness!”

you start pacing around on the stage with your hands on your hips

“like, usually you have a pretty good sleep schedule of 9pm to 7am, but suddenly, all because of this person, you suddenly have the ability to stay up for the entire night thinking about him a-and his stupid face and the fact that he has you wrapped around his pinky finger and somEhow you’re still able to survive the next day without crashing and burning!”

a smirk slowly begins to form at yoongi’s lips when he finally processes what exactly is happening

maybe his lisa plan worked after all

you like him

this is you telling him that you like him and you know what he has to give you a little more credit for using your skills to your advantage

look at you and your cute little ‘i love you’ presentation!!!!

adorable!!!!

just as he’s about to get up and interrupt your vEry passionate rant about how important it is to get a solid eight hours of sleep a night, the projector suddenly glitches and the screen goes black

“one night, i only got like three hours of sleep but what i’m tryINg to say is that-“ your neck nearly snaps from how quickly your head whips around when the screen flickers to black

oh shooT

out of all the times for the damn projector to glitch!!!!!

just as you were about to reach your conclusion!!!!!

fRICK

“sorry, give me a second.” you hold a finger up before jogging over to the little desk where your laptop is

this is why you hate all this bluetooth apple TV nonsense

the projectors always disconnect at the worst times

it’s just not a reliable way to present something!!

it takes a couple seconds for the projector to catch up to your laptop but when you see the concluding slide pop up on the screen you let out a sigh of relief

maybe you should stop talking about your sleep schedule and just jump straight into the conclusion because you honestly don’t even know what you’re talking about anymore

see!!!! look what yoongi’s done to you!!!!!

you’re usually very good at improvising presentations and now you’re just shooting blanks!!!

whatever

just present your danG conclusion and get this over with u dummy

“in conclusion, the neurobiological process behind romantic attraction is quite evident wh- oh!”

the moment you whip around you don’t even get a chance to be surprised at the fact that yoongi is standing right behind you because the next thing you know he’s pulling you in for a kiss

as soon as his lips press against yours, your mind immediately goes blank and all you can hear is pure white noise (which you’re pretty sure is just your laptop fan whirring because it’s about to run out of battery)

yoongi reaches up to take your chin in between his thumb and pointer finger before tilting his head slightly to deepen the kiss when your hands suddenly grip at his hoodie

at first he wasn’t just going to throw himself at you like this but honestly you guys have played this game for far too long

and he’s wanted to kiss u for so long

unsurprisingly, you’re the first one who pulls away (yoongi would 110% spend the rest of the day making out with you on stage if it were up to him) and yoongi swipes his tongue over his bottom lip when he sees how flushed your cheeks have gotten and how swollen your lips are

all that from a little bit of kissing?

…goD that’s so frickin cute

“you-“ your voice cracks slightly and he can’t help but grin because it hits him that the only thing that can make you stutter like this is hiM- “i wasn’t- i wasn’t done with- with my conclusion.” you whisper

wha-

huh

okay

out of all the responses in the world he definitely wasn’t expecting that

well, that’s not true

as he’s mentioned before, you are very passionate about your presentations so maybe he should’ve expected this

“oh! uh, yeah, i’m sorry-“ yoongi quickly takes a step back and raises his hands in defence “sorry. what were you saying?”

you turn away so that your back faces yoongi and you mouth a silent ‘oH MY GOD-‘ to yourself

oh my god

oh my GOD!!!!!

oh myg od????

omg

like u literally don’t know what else to say besides oh my god

no thoughts head empty

“in conclusion, the neurobiological process behind romantic attraction is quite evident when i’m talking about the way that i feel… about… well, about you.” you spin back around to face yoongi and feel your heart skip a beat when he smiles widely before bursting into laughter

what the-

why is he laughing??????

that was supposed to be a sweet moment????

that was supposed to be the part in the movie where the audience goes ‘awww’!!!!!!

so what the heLL is he hee-hawing aboUT

“i’m sorry, i just-“ yoongi covers a hand over his mouth and lets out a snort, “i cannot believe how much i like you-“

“oh, well, great! that makes me feel sO good about myself-“ you feel your face grow red as you throw your hands up in the air

“no, no, not like that! i-“ yoongi wipes a tear from his eye as he makes his way towards you, “you… you’re a dork, y/n y/l/n. you know that?”

“…every time you open your mouth to speak i begin to like you less and less-“

“you’re the biggest dork on this planet and i am so, utterly, obsessed with you.”

…to be honest that was like an insult and a compliment wrapped into one so you’re not quite sure how to interpret it buT-

“so you… like me back?” your stomach flutters when yoongi places his hands on your waist to pull you in

“of course i like you back!” he reaches up to flick your forehead and you immediately let out a yelp, “god, i thought you were supposed to the smarter one out of the two of us-!“

he pauses to give u a little kiss on your forehead because he might have flicked u harder than intended

“and can i just say… i love it when you talk nerdy to me.”

“oh, god, get awaY from me-“ you immediately let out a groan before rolling your eyes

he’s so annOYING

“aw, come on! what’s the matter?” yoongi laughs when you shove him off and turn away from him “i’m hot for teacher-“ he growls playfully as he grabs your hips from behind before pulling you back in towards him

“you are the absolute worsT-“ you whine as you feel your back bump against his front

his arms slink around your waist as he props his chin up on your shoulder “i don’t know about you but mY serotonin levels are like, bouncing off the walls right now-“

“that doesn’t even make any sense, yoongi! it’s like you weren’t even paying attention to anything i was saying at aLL-“

“sure i was! i paid enough attention to know about how much you loooOooOOVe mE-“

and for the record

yoongi will be more than happy to attend any of your future presentations if it means he gets to kiss you at the end of each one

:-)

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

requested drabbles masterlist

579 notes · View notes

blouisparadise · 4 years

Photo

Here are some great bottom Louis fics that were posted or completed during the month of June. We really hope you enjoy this list. Happy reading!

1) Until You’re Home | Explicit | 1039 words

Louis lives in London, Harry lives in Tokyo. They make it work.

2) He Holds My Paradise | Mature | 1332 words

“What is it that you want, baby?”

“Your dick” Louis breaths out, choking on his own words, neck still covered by his boyfriend’s hand.

“And where do you want it, baby?” the Devil asks him, a satisfied smirk painting his lips. “in my pussy, please.”

3) Morning | Explicit | 1428 words

Harry and Louis wake up and have a 'productive' morning in the shower ;)

4) Let's Go To The Beach | General Audiences | 1489 words

Note: This fic contains no explicit smut, but since it’s omega Louis, we’ve included it. This is a sequel. Part one of this fic is #6 on this list.

"Louis," Harry repeated.

"Right," Louis sighed. "He tried to scent me."

or the one where Louis has a meeting with an aggressive alpha and Harry calms Louis down.

5) Sweet Relief, Pretty Please | Not Rated | 1840 words

Louis is drunk, sad and alone, and Harry is a wanker.

6) Hey Moon, Don't You Fall Down | Mature | 2574 words

Note: The sequel to this fic is #4 on this list.

"Make me yours," Louis opened his eyes and put his hands on Harry's shoulders. "I'm ready, alpha, always been ready for you. Since the first day we met, I was yours. Please," Louis gasped as Harry slid his fingers out of him.

or the one where Harry and Louis finally bond.

7) Nothing Like Anything | Explicit | 2614 words

Harry is bored of his frat parties. No one interesting comes anyway.It's always drunk people, grinding in the living room, strangers trying to catch his eye. He's about to leave, just to ease his pounding head when he sees him, sinful on the dance floor and suddenly the party isn't so bad.

8) Over Exposed - Part Two| Explicit | 2840 words

Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic.

Harry and Louis take a quick break from Harry's tour to attend the VMAs, then have a night out at a club.

9) Sweet Vanilla Cream | Explicit | 2896 words

Harry fights to resist his roommate's new omega boyfriend, Louis. Louis maybe doesn't want him to resist.

10) Take Off Your Glasses | Mature | 3742 words

Louis was enjoying his time, as he decided to spend his weekend clubbing, Louis knows no one in there, yet someone wanted to mess with him to know who's Louis the attractive boy in the black skirt.

"It’s Louie.. Sir."

11) Rose’s Fortune | Mature | 5055 words

Note: This fic contains no explicit smut but since it’s a/b/o we’ve decided to include it in this monthly roundup.

Omega Louis takes one of his siblings to the doctors (check up, possible broken bone or possibly injections?) and the new Dr is Alpha Harry. Harry is great with kids and Louis is smitten. Harry is smitten too but attempts to act professionally and keep his distance whenever Louis visits the Drs with his siblings or to pick up his prescriptions. But Harry realises there is no reason for him not to make a move as Louis isn't under his care.

12) Dare You To Move | Not Rated | 6060 words

The one where Harry falls in love with the omega who is the brain behind the omega march he joined.

13) Savage Garden’s Song Rules Sometimes (While Yours Always Reign Supreme) | Explicit | 6261 words

Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic.

The morning after one too many nights of isolation for Louis Tomlinson and his hot & dangerous boy.

Aka how insanely adorkable Harry Styles could be after a sulking episode. [wordplay edition]

14) I Can Feel Your Blood Pressure Rise | Explicit | 9292 words

"Hello, your Highness," Harry heard a familiar voice coming from behind him. Chills ran down his body as he felt the coldness of something sharp poke the back of his neck, "Turn around slowly or I'll hurt you,” the voice said in a teasing tone.

Where Louis is some sort of Robin Hood and sneaks into the King's castle, only to be fucked hard.

15) You Know What They Say | Explicit | 10323 words

Nice guys always finish last.

16) Teenage Dream | Explicit | 10333 words

Harry and Louis get reintroduced to each other by their friends. It’s an instant connection. Now they’ve just gotta get to know each other.

17) Move So Petty (You're All I See) | Explicit | 10548 words

Harry’s pretty content with his life. He loves his job- a veterinarian at a local clinic who’s already built up a name for himself despite his young age. He loves his gorgeous flat with its wide, open space and minimalistic, yet still homey feel. He loves his family who he talks to and visits as much as possible, not bothered by the long hours of driving to Holmes Chapel from London he endures multiple times a month. He loves his friends and his coworkers and his neighbors- especially Allison, the little old lady next door who brings him and Louis cookies on holidays and who always comments on how “strong and handsome you are, Mr. Styles,” everytime he sees her.

And most importantly, he loves Louis, just- maybe in a slightly different way.

18) When Tomorrow Comes | Explicit | 11111 words

The one where Louis is an Omega who has been keeping himself pure for his Alpha, Harry is a traditional Alpha focusing on his studies while he waits to find his bondmate, and Niall is a sneaky bastard who keeps borrowing Louis’ clothes and never returning them.

19) Smells Like Omega Spirit | Not Rated | 11769 words

Note: This fic contains no explicit smut, but since it’s omega Louis, we’ve included it.

Louis is an omega doing a test run on neutralizers for a class project. Every time he talks to Harry he smells completely different.

Harry is an alpha who can't figure out if he's going crazy or his sense of smell is broken, but all he wants to figure out what Louis' real scent is.

Somehow they figure it out.

20) You Kill My Mind | Explicit | 13181 words

Harry has always been ashamed to reveal his kinks to friends and partners alike. One day he meets a man who seems perfectly designed for him and they embark on a wonderful, sex-filled exploration journey.

21) In The Heat Of The Moment | Mature | 15743 words

When Louis unexpectedly goes into heat in maths class it takes him way too long to figure out why (it might have something to do with a certain curly haired boy sitting next to him).

22) Was In No Hurry, Had No Worries | Explicit | 21485 words

The year is 1999 and Harry can’t stop dedicating songs to Louis on the radio. Or the one where Harry hits Louis with his car.

23) You're The Smell Before Rain, You're The Blood In My Veins | Explicit | 21945 words

“It was him you talked about, when you used to call me late at night, saying you were missing your ex? Was it him, your important five-year long story? Was it him the person you had thought about proposing, one day?” Nick asks with a low voice, almost inaudible, almost like he’s talking to himself “He’s my boyfriend…” he whispers again, without looking up.

“I know! And you shouldn’t worry, because you don’t have a single reason to do so. He’s yours now, he’s with you. I really don’t understand why you came here, honestly” Harry says defending himself out of instinct, even if he has no reason to react like that. He just- just wishes for Nick to leave his room and go back home to Louis. Because at this point Nick has Louis and fuck, why can’t he just go fuck off for once? Doesn’t he have enough shit do deal with already? Does he really need to get into this as well? Right now?

24) Like The Earth Around The Sun | Explicit | 23600 words

The one where Harry bursts in on Louis in heat and things only get more complicated from there.

25) The Blood of Love | Explicit | 25273 words

Harry is a nurse and Louis is a painting worth more than a thousand words. As desire and darkness encompasses him, Harry has to learn the secrets of Thorne Hills manor before he succumbs to the mystery that surrounds him.

26) Habit | Teen & Up | 27095 words

In which Louis is a Donna who has a soft spot for alpha Harry.

27) Let Me Carry Your Weight | Explicit | 28633 words

Louis is fresh out of a bad relationship with someone who made him feel awful about how he looked. on his journey to better himself, he meets harry - the ridiculously attractive and fit personal trainer.

28) Robbers And Cowards | Explicit | 33237 words

A modern day Robin Hood AU where Louis and Harry (don’t really) hate each other but they hate greedy billionaires more.

29) Caves End | Explicit | 39711 words

The one where Harry has lost his future, Louis has lost his past, but maybe together, they can find a way through the dark.

30) Soaked In The Blood Of Angels | Explicit | 40867 words

The boy looks drugged, caught between a man who’s almost twice his size and a girl who looks like she wouldn’t even break a sweat snapping him in half despite her small stature, eyes closed and mouth open as he pants, arching up between them almost as if he’s trying to escape.

Normally, Harry would ignore it and continue on his search for someone to drink from, someone who wouldn’t mind his sharp teeth and rough hands. He’s seen plenty of boys like this one, ones who picked the wrong playmates, and if he stopped to rescue every single one of them he would have died from thirst a long time ago.

This one, though. There’s something about this one, the sheen of his bright blue eyes as he blinks slowly, looks around as though he doesn’t know where he is, the weakness of his hands as he tries to push the girl off of him and make his escape.

31) With Stars Of Brightest Gold | Explicit | 41109 words

Louis Tomlinson is the premier courtesan at the Moulin Rouge. In his dreams, he has always wanted to be a famous stage actor. Locked into his contract, he has little means of escape until a handsome duke promises him freedom with a romantic alliance. Due to a case of mistaken identity playwright Harry Styles is thrown into the mix, compelling Louis to choose between his head or his heart.

32) We Both Got Nothing To Hide | Explicit | 43811 words

Omega Louis has a secret nest. Alpha Harry keeps losing his clothes.

33) In A World Alone | Explicit | 50787 words

Harry’s breath catches as the glow grows bigger and bigger until he’s squinting his eyes and blinking at the sudden intense brightness. He closes his eyes, rubbing at them helplessly. When his eyes open again- he gasps, grip loosening on his bow as he gawks at the sight before him.

Because the swan is gone.

And in its place is the prettiest omega Harry has ever seen.

A Swan Lake AU.

34) Hunting Ground | Not Rated | 583658 words

Note: This fic is the third part of a series. Part two is #38 in this list.

Louis Tomlinson didn’t know how complicated life could be until he became a werewolf. And until he was mated to Harry Styles, the son — and enforcer — of Liam, the leader of the North American werewolves, he didn’t know how dangerous it could be either...

Louis and Harry have just been enlisted to attend a summit to present Liam's controversial proposition: that the wolves should finally reveal themselves to humans. But the most feared Alpha in Europe is dead set against the plan — and it seems like someone else might be too. When Louis is attacked by vampires using pack magic, the kind of power only werewolves should be able to draw on, Harry and Louis must combine their talents to hunt down whoever is behind it all — or risk losing everything.

35) The Wrath of the Emerald Eyes | Mature | 85205 words

His chin is grabbed harshly, facing the two deep green eyes that have been getting on his nerves for the past ten minutes. The smirk on the man's face does not vanish. The grip of his hand on Louis' chin does not soften, his thumb at the side of his lower lip.

His smile widens as he answers Louis' question, ''My name is Styles, but you will call me Captain."

Pirate AU.

36) Cry Wolf | Not Rated | 85205 words

Note: This fic is the second part of a series. Part three is #36 in this list.

Louis never knew werewolves existed, until the night he survived a violent attack... and became one himself. After three years at the bottom of the pack, he'd learned to keep his head down and never, ever trust dominant wolves. Then Harry Styles, the enforcer—and son—of the leader of the North American werewolves, came into his life.

Harry insists that not only is Louis his mate, but he is also a rare and valued Omega wolf. And it is Louis' inner strength and calming presence that will prove invaluable as he and Harry go on the hunt in search of a rogue werewolf—a creature bound in magic so dark that it could threaten all of the pack.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

You can find other monthly roundup fic rec lists here.

#bottom louis #top harry #blp fic recs #monthly fic recs #fic recs #blp #larry

231 notes · View notes

patchesthegothictramp · 4 years

Text

Part 3 of P5R review: Akechi

Next up, my favourite part: Akechi! Also mostly likely the last part since I don’t think I missed anything else. Feel free to hit me up though if you’re wondering about anything I haven’t mentioned

Akechi was undoubtedly, and still is, persona 5’s most hotly debated character. From what I’ve been seeing people who even loathed Akechi are starting to become fans of him, or at least don’t hate him anymore. Royal expands on his character in a way that fans of his love because it confirmed so many of their suspicions of what he’s really like but also just adds more depth to him. I could even understand why people who played vanilla only saw him as ‘boy takes things too far cos daddy issues’ cos, well, without deeper analysis that is what atlus was presenting. There was a lot more to his character in vanilla but I don’t blame people not looking into him because what they saw on the surface didn’t interest them enough... though that being said the abuse and torment given to his fans was super uncalled for.

Let’s start with his confidant and take it from there- it’s special, it’s fun, it’s emotional and it’s so layered I could watch it a million times and I’d probably still miss something from it. It’s special because it’s the only confidant where Ren just gets to hang out with someone, with nothing expected in return. All Akechi wants is a conversation and to play billiards with him. All of the other confidants want your help in something, want you to solve their issues without any regard for what they could do for you in return. Of course when Ren’s in jail they help him out then but it’s only when he’s facing the worst-case scenario. Interestingly enough, Akechi goes to jail for Ren at the first opportunity he gets and in that world none of your confidants ever return the favour of Ren changing their lives. To nail this point further, his confidant does have some requirements for social stats, but it’s the only instance where it’s made clear that it’s for Ren’s own comfort, not for someone else’s. Akechi says he needs someone charming and knowledgeable because he’s genuinely concerned for the abuse Ren might get if his fans didn’t consider him worthy of their idol’s presence.

It’s unexpectedly fun too, you’d think that an Akechi confidant would be just about rivalry or him talking to you about his Tragic Backstory but you get quite a few moments which are just… fun. The first one has them playing billiards and uncovering that he’s ambidextrous, and while it is a set up for their rivalry it’s still just them playing billiards like regular teenagers would. There’s the café date where silliness ensues and funnily enough you end up finding out more about Ren in that interaction than you do Akechi; about how Ren too hides from the public and has his own mask (glasses) that help him cover up who he really is.

But of course, it’s also emotional, like the bathhouse scene where you finally get to know more about Akechi’s past that’s not just a random info dump, there’s him clearly crying for help in the final billiards rank where he talks about the game as if it were his own life and even asks you if you’d help him (even though he doesn’t let you help regardless of what you say).

Term 3 Akechi… well he’s everything I hoped he would be. Sarcastic, sardonic and all around Done With This Shit. He never holds back anymore, both on the battlefield and real life and he doesn’t care what the Thieves or anyone else thinks of him anymore. He’s done with the detective mask and the charade and can finally be himself for once, and I absolutely love it. He’s gone from a character I can only theorise about being rude in my writing to one who’s everything I hoped for and so much more.

Now to the shuake stuff: Oh my god its so gay.

Yes a lot of it is regular friendship stuff but also if you can’t be friends with your boyfriend then that’s just casual sex, not a relationship. And I’m not talking about the bathhouse scene. Actually, what’s interesting is what happens after which is when Akechi specifically says that no ones ever seen that part of him, Ren’s the only person who he’s been able to open up to like that. There’s the jazz club, which you find out later is a special place for Akechi to the point that the owner says he’s never brought anyone else there. Ren is clearly special in Akechi’s eyes, he’s the one person he can be around and be his true self.

You even see it in term 3 when he’s sarcastic and sardonic around Ren but still continues to put up a façade around human Morgana, Futaba, Sojiro Wakaba and later Kasumi, at least until they see him for who he really is inside the palace and he’s forced to show his true self. The writers make that so obvious that Akechi’s face visibly changes when he’s talking to Ren and when he’s talking to everyone else.

And Akechi is equally special to Ren. Ren doesn’t wish for his criminal record to disappear or to be a Phantom Thief again, he wishes to keep the promise he made to Akechi even with the knowledge that the other was going to kill him. We’ve seen him mourn Akechi’s death in p5a proof of justice- the OVA that was so clearly meant to set up royal considering how many similarities it had with that more so than the original game. For a silent protagonist and a self-insert Ren shows more feelings towards Akechi than he does any other character.

Even down to their showtime, everyone else has these elaborate plans that they have to explain to each other then to Ren and hope that the wishing star will make their wish come true and yet Akechi and Ren are just able to improvise it completely on the spot, staying completely in sync. Interestingly enough if you compare it to Joker’s only other one- Sumire’s, she’s leading him into the showtime, she’s the one who has to have him follow her, but with Akechi, he’s equal, they’re in sync, all it takes is Ren shouting ‘Crow!’ for him to jump at the enemy without further instruction. Just as their showtime says, they’re two sides of the same coin.

There’s a reason that somehow, despite never having spoken about Akechi to him, Maruki knows that’s what Ren’s biggest wish would be, he knows that it’s the only way he might be able to stop Ren and the Thieves from infiltrating the palace, and in one alternative, the dream ending, it is enough for him to dangle Akechi’s life in front of him for Ren to fold. He insists Akechi’s life isn’t just something small that he can sacrifice once again.

Our Light is even further proof of it, it’s a love song, not to Kasumi, or not from her, it could clearly not be more obvious that’s it’s from Ren to Akechi. The song describes missing someone who’s gone in such a romantic way that seeing it as Sumire to Kasumi is borderline incestuous, and seeing it as Ren to Sumire or vice versa makes no sense either since they’re just a train ride away and even speak about seeing each other soon. It’s unlikely to be about anyone else either since yeah, Ren can just go and visit them any time and for that to be the ending song of a remake where the only character who’s made more important than he was previously is Akechi. It wouldn’t make sense for the song to be about that one girl out of 10 that you can romance but doesn’t really change the plot as significantly as he does.

In this way, P5R does a great job of showing, not telling. There are frequent comparisons of Maruki and Rumi’s situation to Ren’s and Akechi’s (not direct ones but it’s obvious the two are similar) and if they were a het couple that romance would be unquestionable. At the end of the day, persona is and always will be a game about choice where the protagonist is mostly a self-insert which is why they’ve never been able to outright say ‘this is the canon romance route’ but honestly, if it were to be anyone, it’s so painfully clear it’s Akechi.

Especially when you remember the director’s words of this being a love triangle. We know Sumire has a crush on Ren but doesn’t seem to have an interest in Akechi and outside of being a possible conversation partner, Akechi clearly isn’t interested in Sumire. So then if they’re a love triangle the only logical conclusion is that they’re both vying for Ren’s affection. From Ren’s perspective, the player can choose if he will romance Sumire but regardless of what Ren says to Sumire, he always ends up having Akechi’s life dangled before his eyes and can always choose to have him by his side.

TL;DR Goro Feral, Shuake Canon

#patches plays p5r #p5r spoilers #p5r #persona #akechi goro #goro akechi #ren amamiya #akira kurusu #joker #crow #shuake #akeshu

442 notes · View notes

sunshinesholland · 4 years

Text

the one (and all the others) | t.h.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Word count: 3.16k

Summary: Everyone in your life knows how much of a hopeless romantic you are. You’re constantly diving into things headfirst, and expecting a fairy tale ending. You tend to laugh off any remarks your friends make, take them in stride, as it’s kind of commonplace in your friend group to joke about your romantic escapades. But this time it feels different.

Warnings: swearing, angst/pining, mention of shitty past relationships, allusion to PTSD

A/N: Again, it’s kind of based on some personal stuff. Getting back into writing is easiest when its based on self experience for me. I have the rest of this mostly written out, so let me know if you like it!

part one || part two || part three

New York winter has brought with it snow, accompanied by a brisk wind that harasses anyone caught outside. Lucky for you, you’re inside and warm in the shelter of your favorite cafè with a good friend and hot coffee.

“He said he couldn’t stop thinking about me since first semester,” you gush, “he said whenever he sees the film I did my midterm on in class, he thinks about me.”

You’re practically swooning, your vanilla latte in one hand, and an earl grey tea in the other. Zendaya, reaches for the cinnamon among the array of wooden sticks and sweeteners as you continue your story.

“Yeah, I’m sure the guy has watched Love Jones so much the past four months,” she comments, smile on her face as she takes a taste-sip of her coffee. Satisfied, she begins walking with you to the usual table. It’s tucked in the corner with a view of both the wooden-framed windows and the small stage where a guitarist plays softly.

You continue speaking as though you didn’t hear her smart remark, “I mean he’s got an accent, and he’s really cute too, Z. I didn't even present the analysis that well, you know I had work and that huge paper for music theory class due,” you babble, and she just sips her coffee and listens.

The bell atop the cafe door chimes and the cold breeze from outside manages to reach you in the corner. Your eyes flicker up to Tom as he begins walking over, shaking the snow out of his hair, his curls slightly damp and his cheeks pink.

“What were you guys talking about?” He asks, shrugging off his jacket and sliding into the seat beside you.

He smiles at you as he grabs the tea you’ve ordered for him, a silent thank you despite the fact that you do it for him every time you arrive before him.

“I was just telling Daya about the guy from our film history class last semester,” you grin, “you remember him?”

How could he forget? You gushed over him then too, and the bastard was bold enough to make advances towards you during class discussions. Not to mention the times when he would stop the two of you on your way out of class to flirt, while Tom would have to wait for you and watch it all unfold.

You and Tom have known each other since day one of university, when you complimented him on the Spider-Man pin on his backpack. It was the pin his baby brother Paddy had given to him before Tom left to attend university in the states, and your complimenting of it instantly made him warm towards you. He’s been friends with you since he held the elevator for you, the same day you both realized you’re neighbors at the same apartment complex. He’s been your best friend since the day you stayed up all night with him after having only known him a month. He was stupid enough to put off writing an important paper for his literature class until last minute and you still stayed up with him all the same. You brewed coffee and kept him company, making him laugh all night long all while encouraging and motivating him.

And he didn’t realize at the time but he’s been in love with you since he called you at 11 PM, heartbroken, and despite the fact that you went to sleep hours ago and had work early the next morning, you didn’t let him wait past the second ring before answering. You were up and knocking at his door moments later, still in sleep shorts and a t-shirt, half awake. You met his bloodshot eyes and hugged him tightly, there to be whatever he needed at that moment. You let him ramble and cry into your shoulder while you stroked his hair. You watched over him while he drank to numb the pain, and you were there to rub his back the next morning for the aftermath. He knows he isn’t exactly special, you’d do this for anyone you care for and somehow it makes him love you more.

When he did realize his feelings, he didn’t make a move, as you were in a toxic on-again, off-again relationship, and you didn’t need anything else on top of what you were going through. The love from the way you valued him as your closest friend was enough for him. It’s possible he would have outgrown the crush, but after one night, everything changed. And the worst of it all is that the two of you don’t talk about it, or even acknowledge that it happened. But that’s how it always goes right? It’s good until it’s not.

Tom is pulled out of his thoughts and reminiscing when Zendaya asks, “When’s the date with prince charming then?”

“It’s this weekend,” you mumble, looking past her to avoid her eyes.

“This weekend? Y/N, you said you’d come to Laura’s party with us,” her tone is criticizing because she’s fine listening to your interactions turned romantic narratives, but abandoning plans you’ve already made with your friends is where she draws the line.

You avoid her eyes, looking down at your cup and then out the window at passersby on the street. You don’t want to be a bad friend, really, but it’s one night and you’ve been looking forward to the date since he asked you last week. And you really don’t like parties anyways. You don’t make a habit out of canceling plans, you truly try to be as reliable as possible, there whenever your friends need you. Your only fault is that finding love is almost as high on your list of priorities as your friends.

“I know but I’ll come to the next one. She’s always throwing parties and what difference does it make to miss one? I don’t even like parties either, I wouldn’t really be fun to have around anyways,” you try to reason your way out of the guilt.

“Yeah. Sure. Let's just talk about something else, okay?” She huffs, not wanting to argue and knowing you won’t cancel on prince charming.

“Okay… Tom when are you going to ask out Perrie from downstairs? I think the whole complex is getting second-hand embarrassment from the poor girl’s obvious and multiple advances,” you grin, because anything to do with romance is welcomed by you. It doesn’t just have to be your love life.

He already feels sick because while Perrie is a lovely girl, she’s not you and no one else is either. Answering the question why he won’t ask out the pretty, single, and clearly interested girl is something he barely admits to himself. But lucky for him Zendaya is who she is in that she always seems to know what to do. Though she’s never had it officially confirmed, she knows on some level about you two. She’s your roommate and the three of you are all close and in the same friend group, and honestly, how could anyone miss the way you look at each other? More often than not, she gets back from work and finds you two asleep on the couch, scrunched up together under one blanket. If she comes home, and you’re not in your room all she has to do is walk across the hall and you’ll likely be at Tom’s. But again, Zendaya is who she is, and so she allows you two to define what you have the way you want. But she sees the color drained from Tom’s face, and for his sake, she changes the subject.

“Or... we could talk about the fact that I got offered my first modeling job!” she exclaims, effectively taking the heat off of Tom.

Your supportive friend nature kicks into overdrive, Perrie from downstairs long forgotten, as you gush over how much your friend and roommate deserves this and so much more. Tom gives Zendaya a half-hearted smile, which she returns before chatting with you about the details.

—

“I really do think he could be the one,” you smile back in the mirror, while Tom searches through your display of Spider-Man comics.

You’ve been best friends for so long and you live across the hall so it’s only natural that Tom comes to keep you company when you get ready for your dates. No matter how often he's there, or what feelings he has, he wouldn’t ever turn down an opportunity to spend time with you.

He grabs your favorite issue, the front page worn as a result of how often you read it. You could cover them in slips and store them on a dusty shelf, preserving their value. But you’re a firm believer of loving what you have, not shielding it away to protect it, and maybe that applies to more than just comics. He drops onto your bed unceremoniously, looking up to meet your eyes in the mirror. You finish curling the last section of hair that frames your face, unplugging the iron afterwards.

“I don’t think you can really call him the one, if he’s the tenth you’ve called that so far this year,” he replies light and jokingly, despite the insensitive words he’s spoken. He’s the only one who’s never poked fun at your dating habits, but maybe it’s just the mention of the prince charming from film history.

Although he may be joking, he’s right. You glance down at your vanity, a mess of makeup and hair products showing just how much effort you’ve put in the last forty-five minutes. No matter how many first dates you go on you’re always saying things like this. Most everyone in your life makes remarks like this and usually you would let it slide and laugh or brush it off. But it’s Tom, who knows better than anyone the heartache you’ve experienced and how even though you refuse to admit it, it’s a coping mechanism. You’d like to think your past doesn’t define you and so you tell yourself you’re in love and hopeful, but the trust issues and self sabotaging comes shortly after. Tom should know that, having seen the relationship that was responsible for the cycle and the beginning, quick middle and eventual end of every relationship since.

So you’re immediately defensive at the fact that your best friend would make some comment like this. He lifts his head up at you, as you spin around to face him.

“And why can’t I?” You ask and Tom opens his mouth to reply but you’re continuing and challenge him further, “What’s so wrong with being a hopeless romantic, with feeling things deeply?” You question, not waiting for a response as you continue.

“There’s not one person in my life who hasn’t said shit like this to me! Out of all people I thought you would understand,” you raise your voice, hurt evident in your tone.

“You know how hard it was for me. I’m just doing my best to hold myself together, and I’m an adult, if this is how I decide to cope, I’m allowed to!” You’re shouting now, standing and pacing around your room in frustration.

“I’m just hoping there’s someone out there who is willing to love me kindly and fully, and I think I’m perfectly justified holding out for that,” your voice softens, your back is facing him, posture slumped as you huff, overwhelmed with emotion.

Your frustration is tangible in the air and Tom blinks, placing down the comic book before scooting to the edge of the bed towards you. You tend to laugh off remarks, take them in stride, and it’s kind of commonplace in your friend group to joke about your romantic escapades.

He feels unbelievably guilty, he never would’ve said something if he was aware you felt even one one-thousandth as upset as you’d just displayed. He had been there for the awful relationship that had you sick with heartache. He’d been the one Zendaya would come to when you’d refuse to leave your room for anything but classes, if even that. He just feels idiotic for not connecting the dots, he just thought you were strong for having such an open heart after everything. You’re always compassionate and supportive others and you’ve definitely helped him through his fair share of heartbreak, and wow he feels like a dick. Whether it’s orchestrated by heartache or not, he admires that you’re willing to keep trying despite everything. He only wishes he was brave enough to bare his like you always have.

“Hey,” Tom speaks softly, reaching for your hand and slowly turning you around to face him, “I’m sorry, Y/N, I never realized this is how you felt,” He mutters, tone gentle, coaxing you to turn to him.

Tears have managed to well up in your eyes and if he didn’t feel like a huge jerk before, he absolutely does now. But it’s really not about him, it’s about his best friend who he’s unintentionally made feel invalid in her feelings. You’ve never once asked him to justify how he’s feeling, or poked fun at him for his emotions. Well, except... maybe when he broke his pinky finger in a fit of anger, after having punched the face wall when his team lost the European championship (though you did apologize for it and you grabbed him ice right after).

“It’s, erm, it’s fine, it’s stupid anyways,” you mumble back, voice unsteady as you try to blot your tears away with your sleeve in an attempt to prevent your makeup smearing. You’re just overwhelmed and it all bubbled over. Tom has never said anything like that before and it was dramatic to blow up at him like that, you think.

“It’s not, N/N, and you know that. You’re crying and I know you hate crying and so I can tell you’re upset. Even if you don’t want to admit it, I’m still sorry,” He apologizes, rising to stand with your hand still in his. He pulls you into a hug, resting his cheek atop your head.

“Thanks,” you murmur into his shoulder. It’s not completely his fault, because you really hadn’t voiced any sort of animosity for the jokes made about it. You never really talk about how hurt you are by the past either, not anymore than in passing at least.

You just stand there for a minute, his hand stroking your hair absentmindedly, and he’s messing up your curls but it’s comforting because it’s Tom. Thinking to ask him to stop isn’t even on your mind.

He’s thought about it before, but now more than ever he just selfishly wishes he was there before your ex, to see you unguarded and truly hopeful. Not as a coping mechanism, not as an extreme reaction to hurt, but to love because it’s all you know. Because maybe then things would have played out differently for the two of you.

He’s lost in his thoughts, stroking your hair and his other hand rubbing your back, your ‘getting ready’ playlist ends. Somehow the algorithm has decided to play One by Ed Sheeran, soft, melodic and completely dissimilar from the upbeat tracks playing a moment ago. But Tom couldn’t be more grateful, because if he closes his eyes he can almost pretend you’re at the before, and he had the guts to ask you out on the first day of class. If that was true, when you’re in your room with him now. You’d be aware of how he feels about you, and you’d feel loved in that kind and gentle way you’ve been hoping for, because you’ve never known anything else.

The soft ballad ends and when you glance up at him, the façade he’s formed fades away before his heart has the chance to beg it to stay.

“I don’t really want to go on this date anymore, I probably look a mess and I’m just...not in the mood for not finding ‘the one’ tonight. I’ve got you, and that’s enough for now,” you confess, smiling up at him.

You say that, because as cheesy as it sounds, friends are a kind of soulmate too, and you’ve already found them. You can always look for ‘the one’ some other time. This revelation would feel sweet to any other friend, but to Tom, it hurts just a bit that to you he’s just a placeholder.

He manages to crack a half smile at your heartfelt statement, because no matter how he feels, he’s lucky to have you. Even if only as a friend.

“So how about we order a pizza and watch New Girl for the fiftieth time?” You question, oblivious and smiling up at him before pulling away from the hug and wiping at your wet eyes.

Any other time he would stay in with you, happy to watch you laugh to the point where he’s grinning at just your reactions. But he’s gotta be a good friend too, because well, he’s in the same boat as you. Except he’s found the one, and he doesn’t want to leave. Yet he knows the right thing to do is to go to the party he promised Zendaya and Jacob (and previously you) that he would attend. Though he still isn’t happy to admit it to you.

“I was going to go to Laura’s party tonight…” Tom grimaces, rubbing the back of his neck, because he knows you don’t like parties and you’re likely emotionally exhausted on top of that. He’s only going because he’s made a promise, and really— trust him— there’s nothing he’d rather do than spend time with his favorite person.

“Could I maybe go with you?” You ask, because being with friends, even if you don’t like parties is better than sulking at home alone.

Tom cracks a smile, and it’s easy to fall back into friend-mode with you. Because that’s what comes when it comes to you, before anything else.

“Well, I mean if you clean up I suppose I can just take you with me,” he teases you, “because I cannot show up with you like that.” He jokes and laughs as you shove him.

This kind of banter is normal and makes your heart feel just a little less heavy in your chest, because Tom always manages to make you feel better.

“Okay, just let me text him and let him know I won’t make it, and then I’ll try and look better for you,” you reply, laughing all while rolling your eyes.

You’ve got your phone in one hand texting, while your other wipes away at the makeup on your face. You’ve got a focused look on your face, squinting a bit because you don’t have the best eyesight and refuse to wear your glasses on first dates. But you look lovely to Tom, despite the crease between your eyebrows, your slightly opened mouth, and still smeared mascara.

part two

#if and when i add the second part to the mini series itll be the party #and ill let ya know about their past #👀👀👀👀👀#emi writes #tom holland #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x reader #tom holland blurb #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland writing #tom holland fluff #tom holland one shot #tom holland imagine #tom holland fic #tom holland fanfic

263 notes · View notes

sheyshen · 3 years

Text

My FanFic compilation

I figured I have written quite a lot over the years and especially this year, that putting together something like this, that has everything I’ve written so far in one place all organized would be a good idea! So please! Enjoy!

There’s quite a lot so they’ll all be listed under the read more, They’re all organized by series (fairy tail, swtor, mass effect, dragon age, greedfall, anthem, and smut fics) as well as by pair with a short description, starting with the first fic I wrote (fairy tail) and the latest (fictober 2020 prompts) :D

Fairy Tail: (Leading off with this because it’s my first ever fic) -Shall We Dance, Pair: Laxus/Lucy: 38 chapters, Finished https://archiveofourown.org/works/4351550/chapters/9870611

Swtor: Main fic: -Breaking the Bad News (aka BTBN), multi-pair, main focus is shan trio: currently 70 chapters, Ongoing. https://archiveofourown.org/works/9340892/chapters/21164699

Side Fics: Kara Hawke’s Backstory(s):

Pre-Class story: -A Smuggler’s Tyr, no pairing, intro to Kara’s first crew: Currently 1 chapter, Complete (Might add more eventually)

During Class Story: -Adventure of a Lifetime, no pairing focus but will mention Darmas, meant to build on what we have of the in game class story: Currently 1 chapter, hiatus (plan to work on more with 2021)

Post Class Story: -Hawke Legacy: While Kara Sleeps, mentioned Theron/Kara, focus’s on Koro delivering the news of Marr’s ship being attacked to Theron. 1 chapter, Complete -Downtime, Theron/Kara, Post arrival on Odessen but prior to chapter 9 on kotfe, 1 chapter, complete -Desert Reunion, Theron/Kara, Introducing Kara’s dad and bringing him into the Alliance, 3 chapters, complete -A Moment, Theron/Kara, but starting to poke at the idea of Arcann being involved, 1 chapter, complete

Prompts: -Fictober 2018, day 1: Can you feel this?, Kara/Arcann/Theron, post-umbara/pre-copero so theron’s only mentioned -Fictober 2018, day 3: How can I trust you?, Kara/Arcann/Theron, post-Nathema, and a bit on the trio +kids, dealing with Theron’s return -Fictober 2018, day 5: Take what you need, mentioned Kara/Caleb (her first husband from her original crew), takes place before the class stories, short story about a job she had done -Fictober 2018, day 6: I’ve heard enough, this ends now. Kara/Arcann (sometime pre-nathema so sorry Theron’s not really in this one), bit of covering a reoccuring nightmare Kara had for a few months -Fictober 2018, day 7: No Worries, we still have time, Kara/Arcann/Theron (Arcann’s not present tho, just mentioned), little bit of the pair of workaholics +kids taking a break -Fictober 2018, day 12/13: Who could do this/Try harder next time, Kara/Arcann/Theron & Koren/Trey (Will have this in both pairs), sometime post-nathema probably, little adventure with Kara involving having to save her sons -Prompt: I Care about You, Theron/Kara, little bit of a rebuild of their kotfe reuinion -Prompt: Come Cuddle, Kara/Arcann/Theron, Short fluff story of one of their movie nights with some bad jokes -Promptless idea: Arcann Singing, Kara/Arcann/Theron, I’ve always had this idea that Arcann can sing at least as well as Senya does, so here’s a bit of him singing to kara’s boys, and also kara. -Fictober 2019, day 2: Just Follow me, I know the area, Kara/Arcann mainly, post onslaught so Theron’s involved but just not featured in this prompt. Little bit of a romantic night out. -Fictober 2019, day 3: Now? Now you listen to me?, Kara/Arcann/Theron, follow-up to the fictober 2018 day 6 prompt, and resolution to the chronic nightmares Kara was having -Fictober 2020, day 7: Yes I did, what about it?, Kara/Arcann/Theron, post-nathema, small bit of theron and kara heart to heart about a choice she made (involving Valss because I’m still bitter we didn’t get a save option for him) and both prosthetic users in the trio are sore (maybe there’s a storm moving in) -Fictober 2020, day 15: Not interested, thank you, Kara/Arcann/Theron (Arcann isn’t present for this), one of a handful of reminders that Kara and Theron are parents, connor just really wants to make his lightsaber -Fictober 2020, day 18: You don’t see it?, Kara/Arcann/Theron (post umbara pre Nathema so theron is only mentioned), something of a pep-talk from arcann.

Nora Hawke/Mikael Hawke: -That Time Back When We First Met, backstory on how my sith warrior and pub trooper met before they started their relationship: currently 2 chapters, hiatus (plan to work on more with 2021) -Fictober 2018, day 4: Will that be all?, little bit after they first met, can be considered a continuation chapter... technically

Koren Gates/Trey Hawke: -Fictober 2018, day 2: People Like you have no imagination, Koren/Trey & Shey/Torian (will put it for both pairs), little adventure of my bounty hunter squad +sith BF -Fictober 2018, day 12/13: Who could do this/Try harder next time, Kara/Arcann/Theron & Koren/Trey (Will have this in both pairs), sometime post-nathema probably, little adventure with Kara involving having to save her sons -Fictober 2020, day 13: I missed this, Koren/Trey, bit of fluff between my overly caring hunter who could use a day off and his grump of a sith boyfriend. -Fictober 2020, day 28: Do I have to do everything here?, Kara/Arcann/Theron, Arcann and Koth decide to play a co-op holonet game, with only minor arguing. -Fictober 2020, day 30: Just say it, Kara/Arcann/Theron, Kara gets a little time to herself and the trio’s weekly movie night ends up being a bit more than just the three of them.

Shey Shen/Torian Cadera: -Fictober 2018, day 2: People Like you have no imagination, Koren/Trey & Shey/Torian (will put it for both pairs), little adventure of my bounty hunter squad +sith BF -Prompt: I’m Right Where I Belong, Shey/Torian sometime post kotet, a rare time that I bring up the fact that she has amnesia and still can’t remember anything prior to about 2 years prior to the class stories starting. -Prompt: ... out of habit (kiss), former Shey/Koro mention as well as Shey/Torian, because Koro is a mess and while him and Shey have been divorced for years habits die hard. -Fictober 2020, day 8: I’m not doing that again, Shey/Torian & Kurana/Andronikos (will be under both pairs), Little bit of a fun idea of who would win in a fight, our dear pirate or mando

Kurana Knight/Andronikos Revel: -Prompt: One Falling Asleep with their head in the other’s lap, Kurana/Andronikos, I keep thinking of this prompt now and then because writing Niko being soft for his wife is a lot of fun. -Fictober 2020, day 8: I’m not doing that again, Shey/Torian & Kurana/Andronikos (will be under both pairs), Little bit of a fun idea of who would win in a fight, our dear pirate or mando

Lyra Hawke/Doc: -Fictober 2020, day 1: No, Come Back!, Lyra/Doc, little adventure on an unnamed planet that I honestly love the idea of -Fictober 2020, day 6: That was Impressive, Lyra/Doc, Another little adventure of information gathering featuring Kara’s youngest son, Connor. -Fictober 2020, day 22: And neither should you, Lyra/Doc, little bit of fluff and doc trying to get his wife to take a day off

Ren Hawke/Vinn Atrius: -Fictober 2020, day 9: Will you Look at this?, Ren/Vinn, I need to write more of them outside of btbn so this was a start to hopefully more building on my didn’t plan to ship this as strongly as I ended up doing pair.

Ava Reiner/Jonas Balkar: -Fictober 2020, day 20: Did I ask?, Ava/Jonas, Small job featuring a couple of SIS agents, and including a bounty hunter I got attached to in a hurry.

Kyri Dennan/Arn Peralun: -Fictober 2020, day 21: This, this makes it all worth it, Kyri/Arn, little build up for another pair that I didn’t expect to get attached to, featuring some implant maintanence.

Airi/Theron (one off because disaster spy/spy pairing I had to write at least once): -Admittance, 1 chapter, complete

WoW: Aulara Stormdawn/Kieran Grimmarrow: -Lunar Eclipse, (Technically my first fic but I didn’t post it until after Shall We Dance), A story involving Aulara (an orphaned night elf priestess), Koren Haven (her brother from the orphanage, a human paladin), Kieran (a blood elf noble, hunter who doesn’t have much people skills), and the friends they meet including Rokar an old orc shaman and Sen a orc huntress, that navigates through the warcraft story starting with vanilla wow. Currently 7 chapters, on hiatus but planning on picking it up again in 2021! -Fictober 2020, day 4: That didn’t stop you before, Aulara/Kieran, A quest during Legion and a bit of a flashback from one of their first quests together around when they first started fighting side by side during BC -Fictober 2020, day 25: Sometimes you can even see, Aulara/Kieran, The burning of Teldrassil and Kieran deciding he’s willing to risk everything he’s ever known to be with his wife. Koren is there to give him a hand. -Fictober 2020, day 26: How about you trust me for once?, Aulara/Kieran, early BC before they became a couple, Kieran and Aulara get a moment to talk alone in Nagrand, involves something close to an awkward confession. >:3

Shey Wrynn/Varian Wrynn: -Prompt: Are you testing me?, Shey/Varian, post WoD but pre-Legion, little walk through elwynn turning into an adventure between the king and his wife, Shey is not amused when he charges in head first. -Fictober 2020, day 2: That’s the easy part, Shey/Varian, mid to late WoD, bit of fluff while planning the push towards hellfire citadel, bit of fluff and bit of proposal. >:3 -Fictober 2020, day 10: All I ever wanted, Shey/Varian, post-BFA Pre-Shadowlands, proof I can write at least a little bit angsty, some platonic Shey & Anduin. -Fictober 2020, day 16: I never wanted anything else, Shey/Varian, something short around late Cata early MoP involving Shey having a birthday. -Fictober 2020, day 27: Give me that, Shey/Varian, probably what I consider the most ooc i’ve written him but honestly i had a lot of fun writing them being dorks. -Fictober 2020, day 31: I trust you, Shey/Varian, sometime early Cata soon after they started a relationship. The one and probably only time I’ll ever mention Shey’s old house, and a touch on the fact that i’m 100% certain that Varian would try and sneak out of the city time to time.

Shey & Anduin (platonic, it’s always platonic/familial between them) -Fictober 2020, day 19: I can’t do this anymore, Shey & Anduin, because sometimes a girl just needs to sneak her son out of the city to give him a break and maybe check out a ruin or something.

Shey Wrynn/Aethas Sunreaver: -Prompt: By your side, Shey/Aethas. Post legion, a bit of a moment between them early BFA. I started writing them as a potential pair before settling as friends with benefits that might form into more, so this is a possible hinting at them becoming “more”

Mass Effect: John Shepard/Kaidan Alenko: -Prompt: War’s End Kiss, Shenko, Post ME3 when they’re just a couple of retired old soldiers and John’s slowly recovering from his injuries from the final push. -Fictober 2019, day 4: I know you didn’t ask for this, Shenko, Post ME3, a bit of a heart to heart between them and tending to slowly healing injuries. -Fictober 2020, day 3: You did this?, Shenko, Post ME3, Kaidan runs across some old footage of John over the years from before they met to the reaper war. -Fictober 2020, day 14: You better leave now, Shenko, during ME3, short mission against a hold out of mercs, featuring James. -Fictober 2020, day 24: Are you kidding me?, Shenko, during ME3 probably, featuring Kaidan “my headache doesn’t hurt that bad” Alenko and John “please just take a nap” Shepard. -Fictober 2020, day 29: Back up!, Shenko, during ME3, mission to clear out a cerberus warehouse including some battle flirting and James lending a gun.

Scott Ryder/Gil Brodie: -Fictober 2020, day 12: Watch me, Ryder/Gil, Post main MEA story, something short of Scott looking forward to getting out and exploring while Gil (and eventually Sara) work on the Nomad. (Sara is my pathfinder)

Dragon Age: Garrett Hawke/Fenris: -Dawning, Fenhawke, Short bit of fluff and my firt step into writing dragon age. Late or post DA2.

Lia Hawke/Fenris (a one off when I was debating on canon hawkes & romances for them): -Fictober 2020 day 5: Unacceptable, try again. Fenhawke, little bit of teasing and bad taste in books.

Rana Cousland/Alistair Theirin: -Promptless ramble, Rana/Alistair, Set during DAO with Rana reflecting on those she’s lost, worrying for her brother and realizing just how in love she’s fallen with Alistair. -Fictober 2020, day 23: Do we have to?, Rana/Alistair, set post DAO, pre-DAI, little romantic picnic between the king and queen of ferelden before she heads off on her next mission. (hints at Nathaniel being involved with the both of them.)

Greedfall: Lydia de Sardet/Kurt -Fictober 2020, day 11: I told you so, Lydia/Kurt, short bit trying to get my footing writing these two, Lydia thinks she can still climb trees like she used to as a kid. -Fictober 2020, day 17: Give me a minute or an hour, Lydia/Kurt, short bit, and Kurt not being as subtle about his feelings about Lydia as he probably thinks he has.

Anthem: Raya Auren/Matti (1 of the 3 Matthias Sumner) -Fictober 2019 day 1: It’ll be fun, trust me, Raya/Matti, Bit of an adventure involving Raya taking her favorite arcanist out of fort tarsis to see something very special. (also involving me having no clue how they transport people when there’s only one javelin and winging it)

Smut: (all of them are swtor so far) -A Moment Reprised, Kara/Arcann, takes place post-umbara and pre-nathema, and sometime late in BtBN, no plot. -Moving on, Koren/Trey, takes place right before chap 35 of BtBN, featuring my dorks of a hunter and sith setting in stone they’re serious about each other. no plot -Just a short vacation, Kara/Theron, takes place post-nathema pre-onslaught, A moment in Kara and Theron’s honeymoon at a lovely resort and the closest to taking a day off Theron will ever probably take. No plot -Welcome Home, Kara/Arcann/Theron, unlike the other 3 doesn’t have a specific time that it takes place other than post nathema. No plot

#my writing #this took forever i didn't realize i've written so much over the years #going forward i'm going to just add new ones onto this so they just stay connected without me having to redo this

8 notes · View notes

ardentaislinn · 4 years

Text

Yuletide Letter 2020

Hi! I am also ardentaislinn on AO3. Thank you so much for volunteering to write one of my chosen fandoms! I really can’t wait to see what you come up with. Most importantly, I hope you have fun writing whichever of my fandoms it is. Any suggestions I make here are optional.

Here you’ll find:

My general likes

My DNWs

And prompts for the following fandoms:

Peninsula: Train to Busan 2 (2020) - Jung Seok, Min Jung, Joon Yi, Yoo Jin

Stranger | 비밀의 숲 - Hwang Si Mok, Han Yeo Jin

Kingdom | 킹덤 - Prince Lee Chang, Seo Bi

Illang: The Wolf Brigade | 인랑 (2018) - Im Joong Kyung, Lee Yoon Hee | Kim Seo Hee

A quick note on the Korean names - I’m fine with however you choose to transliterate them. Hyphen/no hyphen, Shi Mok/Si Mok, etc. Just do what you are comfortable with and I’ll adjust no problem. No need to add the honourifics, though

My likes:

I love getting together fics most of all. I love almost every kind of trope (fake dating, slow burn, rivals-to-lovers, “unrequited” pining (that is really requited), found families, etc.) Also, casefic, epistolary fic, consent, forbidden pleasures, beta heroes, bed sharing, masquerades, military kink, physical imperfections, ladies being badass and female relationships (whether romantic or friendship), relationships that build tension before exploding, equal relationships, trapped together, competence, communication, U/RST, positive endings.

You may notice from the below that my ships mostly involve sweet and occasionally broken men being head over heels for awesome ladies, (and usually not feeling worthy). So that dynamic is strongly encouraged.

I also like smut, but it certainly isn’t a necessity. For smut, I’m (sadly) fairly vanilla. But I like light bondage, cunnilingus, shower sex, and accidental/consensual voyeurism, (Particularly guys taking matters into their own hands when they think they can’t be with their lady, and the woman stumbling across him mid-act. Possibly my favourite kink ever? Writer’s choice whether the woman joins in or gets embarrassed)

Happy endings (or at least hopeful endings) are preferred. Like, super, super preferred. I don’t mind angst at all, but it kinda has to be on the way out of the darkness by the end.

Dislikes/DNWs:

Miserable endings. Major character death. Baby/Pregnancy fic. Humiliation. Drug use/drug mentions/addiction. Self harm/abuse. Non-con/rape. Heavy kink. A/B/O. M-Preg. Incest. Bestiality, animal harm etc. Underage sexual content. 1st person POV (unless for epistolary). Not big on high school AUs or Rock band AUs. Unbalanced power dynamics in ships without acknowledging/exploring that. (This effects one particular ship below, which I’ll discuss in more detail in the fandom section).

I think that’s it?

And so, to the fandoms, in no particular order:

Peninsula: Train to Busan 2

Jung Seok, Min Jung, Joon Yi, Yoo Jin

While maybe objectively not as good a film as the first one, I still enjoyed the hell out of it. Given that it was essentially a cross between Escape From New York and Mad Max, what isn’t to love? I loved the expansion of the world and the clever uses of zombies in the chase scenes. And I loved that the message was that being logical and self-sacrificing isn’t always the right choice - sometimes you should be driven by heart and empathy. And I really liked the idea that anything can mean happiness when you love and are loved in return - particularly in regards to Joon Yi, but also Jung Seok (and his found family?).

What would interest me the most in this fandom is post-movie fics. But if you wanna do a canon divergent/au thing, I’d be cool with that, too. Some prompts:

Joon Yi struggles a lot more than her sister to readjust to a “normal” life

In order to stay together after being rescued, Jung Seok and Min Jung have to pretend to be married

After four long years of loneliness, Min Jung just wants to be touched

Jung Seok isn’t surprised to find himself in love with Min Jung - and wanting to be a father to her girls - but is he good enough for them? He’s left them behind once - can he forgive himself? Can Min Jung?

The zombie plague escapes from Korea - and Jung Seok, Min Jung, and her girls are the closest thing to experts on how to fight back and contain it that the authorities have. Will their nightmare never be over? Or is this a chance to end it once and for all?

With Min Jung in hospital while her leg heals, Jung Seok suddenly finds himself a surrogate father to two very unruly girls.

Stranger | 비밀의 숲

Han Yeo Jin, Hwang Si Mok

This show is just so good, and Si Mok and Yeo Jin - and their relationship - is a big part of that. He’s logical and doesn’t feel things the way most other people do, but that doesn’t mean he’s given a free pass to be an asshole. He’s a good man who always does what’s right. And Yeo Jin is just as smart as he is, and equally committed to doing what’s right, but in a different way. They make a perfect team.

I love how much they absolutely, completely, trust and respect each other. Si Mok cares about her as much as he is capable - probably more so than he cares about anyone else. There isn’t any drama or jealousy or anything like that in their relationship. They are both practical adults. But it doesn’t mean they don’t have a deep bond. I do ship these two - and would love getting together fic if you can!

Prompts:

Yeo Jin will probably have a tough time of it from now on. How will Si Mok support her through it?

How will Yeo Jin and Si Mok keep in touch now that he’s moved away again? Late night phone calls that slowly become more intimate? Texts or emails (epistolary style)?

In the last episode, there was a hint that Si Mok had a prophetic dream. What if he really did develop a power? And Yeo Jin was the only one he trusted with the truth?

What if Yeo Jin and Si Mok had to travel somewhere for an investigation - and there’s only one bed…

Si Mok isn’t incapable of noticing when a woman is attracted to him. But what if that woman is Yeo Jin? Do they try to make a friends-with-benefits arrangement work? Or do they like each other two much for that?

Everyone already knows Yeo Jin and Si Mok are close - but why do their friends suddenly think they are dating? What’s changed? And how do they stop the rumours - without disappointing all the friends who were hoping they’d finally become a couple?

Yeo Jin had drunk one too many shots of soju and thought she might never see Si Mok again - so she’d jumped his bones and snuck out before he woke, full of regrets. But what happens now they have to work a case together again?

Feel free to bring in the other characters, too, as long as Yeo Jin and Si Mok remain the focus! I love the various dynamics they have with the people around them.

Kingdom | 킹덤

Prince Lee Chang, Seo Bi

Like with Si Mok and Yeo Jin above, so much of what I like about these two is that they are great characters separately - but work so well together as a team. They trust each other. He has great faith in her abilities and respects her so much. And she is loyal to him and respects him in return because she knows he’s a good man and a good leader.

I also love how the show uses both politics and horror elements, both to best advantage. It’s so well-written and compelling.

Now, I can see how this ship skirts close to my “no unbalanced power differentials in relationships” DNW, since he’s a prince, and she’s very much not royalty, so I thought I would clarify my position on this. I would most like fic set after he gives up his place in the royal family, since I think that mitigates basically all the issues. Even though I don’t think he would have intentionally abused his power over her, and Seo Bi was never particularly deferential to him, it still would have effected the relationship. Now that they are on more equal footing, there may be some lingering, residual issues surrounding this, but I feel like it’s at the level of bringing some interesting angst into the equation without feeling icky, if that makes sense.

Prompts:

Lee Chang and Seo Bi are somehow transported into modern day Korea. How will they adapt?

Both Lee Chang and Seo Bi have seen horrifying things - and they have the nightmares to prove it. How do they help each other through?

I feel like there are a million stories you could tell within the time jump at the end of the second season. Seo Bi and Lee Chang are travelling together, but no doubt keeping their mission to find the resurrection plant a secret. Are they pretending to be married? Is there anything Lee Chang has to adjust to now that he’s no longer, technically, the crown prince? How are they making money? Is Seo Bi hiring out her medicinal knowledge, while Lee Chang sells his sword? How far will they go to find the answers they seek?

The properties of the resurrection plant are still largely unknown. What horrors will they have to face next, now that another outbreak is looming?

Lee Chang decides that Seo Bi needs formal fight training - and takes it upon himself to teach her.

What moments of levity can they find together amongst the horrors?

Lee Chang knows he shouldn’t think of Seo Bi in that way - they are colleagues, and despite everything he is still from a royal family. He needs her too much to risk everything because of his desire. But oh, how he wants her…

Illang: The Wolf Brigade | 인랑 (2018)

Im Joong Kyung, Lee Yoon Hee | Kim Seo Hee

So much about this movie is absolutely my jam. The action scenes, the exploration of what desperation can drive people to, the unclear loyalties that are slowly revealed. That whole sequence when they first meet and spend time together is like a distillation of so many of my favourite things. He sees her and is just instantly gone on her. And she for him. And from then on it’s just a quiet, intense longing between them. They are so aware of each other, every sense drawn towards the other. But he’s so broken, and he sees himself as more animal than man. And it’s revealed that she has equally deep wounds, too.

An argument can be made that at least some of it was an act, of course. They were both trying to deceive each other after all. But I think it’s pretty obvious that there were real feelings there, particularly because she tries to warn him that he’s walking into a trap, and he comes back to save her. Maybe even they don’t know how deep their feelings go, or the other’s feelings, but the audience knows.

And yet...I’ve seen it twice now, and the ending is still no clearer to me. Like, is he dead? It doesn’t seem like it, since both she and her brother saw him at the train station. But maybe he’s like a guardian angel now? And if he’s not dead, where did the shot come from? A hidden gun? The sniper? And most importantly of all, if he’s not dead...why aren’t they together??? Like, aren’t all the potential impediments to their relationship gone by that point?

So, I guess most of all I would like fic that makes more sense than that ending - preferably by giving them the happy ending they deserve.

Prompts:

Joong Kyung watches over Yoon Hee from the shadows - but she always knows he’s there. How can she convince him to come into the light, and back into her life?

Yoon Hee’s brother gets himself into trouble, and the only person she can turn to for help is a man she hasn’t seen in too long - Joong Kyung.

Joong Kyung now walks the line between the living and the dead, but he can’t stay away from Yoon Hee. (Paranormal/magic AU?)

Has there been too many lies between them to make a relationship work? Neither think they are worthy of the other, but when they are pulled back together (to give evidence for an official inquiry?) they can’t quite keep their distance.

Joong Kyung is on the run, and he doesn’t know who to trust - except the one woman he’s never forgotten.

Misunderstandings and lies abound between them - but what happens when they are trapped together and must wait for rescue?

If you don’t want to do a post-canon fic, how about canon divergence? What would have happened if the phone hadn’t rung in that warehouse at that moment? Might Yoon Hee have told herself that she could use her body to prove her loyalty to him? And might Joong Kyung have told himself that it couldn’t hurt to succumb - that it didn’t mean anything?

I think that’s everything. Thank you so much!

#yuletide 2020 #yuletide letter 2020

18 notes · View notes

hazel-salmon · 3 years

Text

after dark

What turn ons/kinks/fetishes does your muse have?

Almost anything that gives her the upperhand, but face-sitting is easily at the top of her list. Once she got over the initial fear of potentially suffocating him, it became one of her absolute favorite things to do. A queen needs her throne after all.

What turns your muse off?

Degredation. Hazel can understand the appeal, but it’s just not for her. She’d much rather hear compliments and praise during sex than to have insults constantly hurled at her.

What was their first kiss like?

Hazel spent years imagining what her first kiss would be like and who she would share it with, but the end result was one she had never planned for. As she and Adonis grew closer, the dreamy bubble she had spent so much time living in finally popped and reality took its place. Hazel confided in Scout about her fears of being an inadequate kisser, and in return, she offered more than just advice. A couple of innocent pecks quickly turned into Hazel pinning Scout to the bed and climbing on top of her. It took them both by surprise, but it hardly stopped their “practice”.

What was their first time like?

Nerve-wracking. Pain was the least of her worries throughout the experience. Instead, she silently fixated on what her body looked like and whether or not Adonis was having a good time. She eventually learned how to separate herself from those feelings and actually enjoy sex, but she’s thankful for his patience.

What does your muse fantasize about?

For a while, Hazel didn’t have much to work on. She would fantasize about the idea of having sex and what it would be like, but she only ever had her imagination and a little bit of porn to rely on...until Adonis and sometimes Scout, that is.

After losing her virginity, she dreamt up all kinds of scenarios. Quickies before her parents got home, sex in his car, shower sex, cutting class to fool around...the possibilities were suddenly endless, and she made it her new mission to start ticking off the boxes.

Are they dominant in bed?

In a surprising turn of events, yes. Hazel is almost a complete opposite version of herself in the bedroom. Her day to day life often makes her feel small and insignificant, but she makes up for that lack of control during sex. She still enjoys when Adonis takes charge, of course, but nothing gets her off quicker than feeling powerful.

Do they initiate sex?

Yes. Not as often in the beginning of their relationship, but it becomes more of an equal playing field over time. Her insecurities hold her back for a while, but that doesn’t last long with Adonis as her partner.

How often are they having sex with their partner? (1 as never touching themselves or others and 10 being humping on the couch right now)

While Hazel may be more of a romantic at heart, she still considers sex to be an important part of relationships. She’s very attracted to Adonis and craves sex regularly, so I’d give them a 7 or 8.

How kinky are they? (1 being vanilla with the lights off and 10 meaning they have a sex dungeon in their basement)

She might not be brandishing any chains and whips, but Hazel still sits at about a 6 or 7. She can be pretty commanding and feisty in the bedroom and keeps a very open mind about sex. She’s always eager to hear suggestions and enjoys surprising Adonis with a new position or outfit.

Do they fuck, have sex, or make love?

They regularly have sex, and she enjoys slow, passionate love making every now and then, but when Hazel is at her most confident, she absolutely fucks him. Those are secretly some of her favorite times.

Which time was the best according to your muse?

Their first Halloween together. Her nurse costume had taken more of an effect on him than Hazel had intended, and it lit a fire under her ass. She quickly settled into her role for the night, until she could finally slip away to “treat her patient”. Roleplay became a much bigger part of their sex life after that night.

Which time was the worst according to your muse?

Her first time. Adonis did what he could to make her feel as comfortable as possible, but it was still difficult to get out of her head. However, it was comforting to find out later that most first times are awkward and never what movies and TV make them out to be.

What’s something your muse wants but is too afraid/embarrassed to ask for?

Hazel has been interested in tying Adonis up for quite some time, but she’s not sure if he’d be up for that level of restraint. It’s not that she’s afraid to ask, she just hasn’t found the right moment to bring it up.

Is your muse satisfied with their partner?

Absolutely!

If they could change one thing about their sexual relationship or partner, what would it be?

Hazel is more than happy with their sexual relationship just the way it is, but she certainly wouldn’t object if he wanted to explore some kinkier things, like blindfolds and cuffs.

What would they say to describe their last sexual encounter?

Hazel doesn’t kiss and tell, but her bedroom walls are thin enough to tell the whole story. Sorry Nadia.

Do they masturbate?

Yes. Hazel was gifted with an active imagination, and she eventually found new ways of putting it to use as a teenager. Once she started having sex, she could recall memories quite vividly, making her “alone time” that much more intense.

What’s something that never fails to make them horny?

Having her neck and chest kissed. Hazel had no clue that part of her body was so sensitive until it it was already happening for the first time. It was almost as if a switch had been flipped, and her body reacted involuntarily. She assumed it was just a new feeling and that she would get used to it with time, but even now, she can barely control herself whenever she’s being kissed there.

Something they’re ashamed of doing in the bedroom?

She’s slowly developed a better relationship with her body over time, but for a while, it was the thing that brought her the most shame. Hazel had always believed that every shape, size, and color was beautiful, but those rules ceased to apply whenever she looked in the mirror. That mindset frequently forced her to hold back during intimate moments, and it wasn’t until Adonis finally called her out on it that she buckled down and began working on her confidence and building a healthier connection with herself.

Do they sext their partner?

For sure. Nadia has taught her a thing or two over the years about angles, and it would be a waste not to put that training to good use.

Would they ever consider a threesome/group sex?

Probably not. The idea of Adonis being with another woman, even in a context where Hazel would also be involved, doesn’t sit well with her. She’s not a possessive partner, but she’s a firm believer in monogamy. If she wanted multiple partners, she would just stay single.

Would they ever let anyone watch them pleasure themselves or their partner?

Outside of a couple distant universes, probably not. Being intimate also means being vulnerable, and Hazel isn’t willing to share that side of herself with just anyone. She wants Adonis’ attention, and his attention only.

Are they willing to use toys? Do they own any?

After a girls’ trip to a sex shop, Hazel bought something small for herself to try, but she ultimately prefers the “acoustic” method.

Has anyone ever walked in on them during an intimate moment? How did they respond to being interrupted?

No, and thank GOD. Both of their parents have busy work lives, so they often have the house to themselves...though there was that one time Sweet Honey walked in on them getting a little handsy in his living room. She and Adonis were totally cool about it, but Hazel is still mortified to this day.

Has their partner ever walked in on them pleasuring themself?

She considers masturbation to be a pretty private act and would probably be horrified if anyone walked in on her while doing it. However, if it was something Adonis wanted to see, she could consider making an exception...

Favorite position?

Cowgirl. Between lack of experience and knowing there was no way to hide her body in that position, it took a little time for her to muster up the courage to get on top. But once Hazel tried it, there was no looking back.

Favorite act to perform?

Any kind of teasing. It’s another way for her to take control, and watching him get riled up to the point of almost begging turns Hazel on more than she’d like to admit.

Something they’re embarrassed to admit they like?

She and Adonis agreed pretty early on that they’d always make an effort to be open with one another, especially when it came to intimacy and boundaries. Hazel has genuinely worked to keep that promise, so she doesn’t feel nearly as embarrassed to talk with him about her desires anymore. However, talking with friends about sex is still something she hasn’t fully warmed up to. If the conversation is brought up, Hazel will engage, but she’s still pretty private about her kinks.

How would a porn video of your muse be titled?

Sadly, probably some gross, race-bait-y title. She’d dominate the Latina category.

Outdoor sex, yay or nay?

Hazel isn’t crazy about it, but growing up by the ocean her entire life has always made her curious about beach sex.

If they had to pick someone other than their endgame to have sex with, who would it be?

Scout. Hazel has always found her attractive, and their night together was definitely an awakening of sorts for her. Since then, there’s always been a hint of tension between them. While single, I’m sure they have plenty more of those “sleepovers”. Keeping it as their little secret only makes it ten times hotter, too.

Be honest: have they ever fooled around at someone else’s house?

Absolutely. Nadia has taken advantage of their home, so Hazel is simply returning the favor.

Would they consider pegging/getting pegged?

She’s likely considered it for the dominant aspect alone, but Hazel isn’t dying to try it. She doubts Adonis would enjoy it anyways, so it’s a subject that’s been left untouched.

#hc #sorry this took thirty years #this is one of my first times exploring her sexually and it was a trip #welcome to the dark side hazel

2 notes · View notes

it-will-not-last-the-night · 4 years

Text

PQ2 - End

As I did expect; making sure I was able to comfortably beat the Velvet Rangers first did mean Enlil, though visually impressive, wasn’t a difficult fight. I simply equipped Ryuji with the Omnipotent Orb and had him All Guard every turn and this left Enlil unable to do anything whilst the Joker, Mitsuru, Chie and Ann wailed on them.

The ending was honestly good though, very emotional, heart-tugging, I honestly haven’t had this much fun finishing a game since J.J. Macfield and the Island of the Missing.

PQ2 is honestly a gem I feel. Beyond fun mechanics that I found easy to get back into even after long gaps, it balances the character development of an enormous cast very successfully, with only some issues.

Even though I knew nothing of P3 or P4 the game conveys their characters in a way I found enjoyable and easy to sink into, and that is really no small feat considering that the cast is, honestly, just insanely large by the end.

I enjoyed Enlil as an antagonist for the most part, though they could definitely have used a little more substance in the plot, but this game, overall, was less focused on it’s villain and more on it’s protagonist, and that’s fine.

To that end Hikari: the game is honestly the story of her character development and I loved her. It’s a pity we don’t see much of her in the fandom, because I honestly adore Hikari and find her enchanting and relatable in a number of ways.

Her farewell to the friends she made at the finale of the game was genuinely touching.

In general the farewells at the end are emotional, and I enjoyed them all, event he little nod to Akechi’s own mixed feelings, clearly dealing with something, as he is the most hesitant of the Phantom Thieves to finally exit the theatre after they have learned they will forget everything once they are outside. A nice touch!

Of course, because it is me, I do wish to gush briefly about Ryuji: OH MY GOSH I love his dynamic with Hikari? But, also, I just love him in this game? He comes across in PQ2 as if he has matured from his incarnation in the vanilla game. Not only is he the character, along with Futaba, who spends the most time supporting and speaking with Hikari, but even in the ending when most of the Thieves all express varying degrees of excitement or forced enthusiasm about returning home, Ryuji is the one who most noticeably feels sad about the whole affair, expressing how he suddenly misses everything they’d gone through.

On the note of Ryuji and Hikari’s bond: I had thought it mostly just an accidental outgrowth of Ryuji’s common role as an externalization of Joker’s words, but when I watch the ending perhaps it is more intentional than I thought. Noticeably Futaba and Ryuji deliver the closing lines to Hikari, Ryuji is the one who, as she tears up, tells her to remember to keep her promise to invite them to see her movies and in the post-credits scene Ryuji is the character who feels they NEED to see her movie when they find a flyer for it, going so far as to clutch at his head because he, without knowing why, just knows he HAS to go do this. Furthermore, the cutscene as Hikari says her final goodbye and leaves, is framed around a small group of characters: Ryuji, Futaba, P3FemPC, Yukari, Mitsuru and Morgana. Among those Ryuji, Futaba and P3FemPC are the characters with the largest interaction with Hikari throughout the game, and I honestly have adored those four together.

I honestly have no idea why I am typing this, the game is dated and I believe interest in it limited, but I’d recommend any fan of Persona who hasn’t given it a try to do so, if only because the story and characters are honestly well executed, better in many ways than Vanilla.

To be frank; whilst Vanilla has moments that legitimately make me depressed, the scene in Shinjuku and the scene after Shido’s Ship, even at it’s worst PQ2 never has it’s characters be that mean to each other. Even when they jibe or insult they never cross a line to abusing or accosting, and they never all single out one character to relentlessly, constantly, deride.

A breath of fresh air really!

Anyway; I loved the game, I had fun, now I guess I wait for Scramble to become available, and I hope we get to see more of the P5 cast still in future (ALSO ATLUS JUST LET ME HOOK THE PT’S UP WITH EACH OTHER OR DATE THE BOYS PLEASE I WANT TO GIVE THEM LOVE TOO THEY DESERVE IT).

For fun below the divide I’m just gonna mention the relationships, romantic or platonic I’m not going to bother much with a distinction, I really have come to like following this game even though, I am sure, they are all crack.

Enjoy:

Chie/Yukiko: Whether best friends or girlfriends no pair of characters in the P4 cast seemed to, from the outset, come across as obviously as if they are close. The two seem to complement each other well, know each other well and play off each other well and are always delightful and entertaining to watch.

Mitsuru/Junpei: I talked about this one before; I just honestly loved their Ticket and found it endearing how both, in their interactions with each other, were almost Tsundere-ish in admitting to private desires to get along, and take care of each other dearly, but struggling to break through the shell of the other to confess this.

Ryuji/Hikari: Talked about this one at massive length already; suffice to say I honestly loved their interactions so much and, along with Ryuji’s interactions with Sophia I have seen now in Scramble, Ryuji radiates enormous, powerful, Big Brother/Father energy. Which I think is great? What better arc for Ryuji than, a person who’s life is overshadowed by his awful father, to turn out to be a wonderful father himself.

Yusuke/Yukiko: These two just get each other. Honestly they just click. They tune in to the same cosmic wavelength and leave everyone confused as they naturally just synch up. It is a pity as the game enters its later stages we see less of them, in the early game they are a treat.

Ken/Akechi: Ken and Akechi just are perfect, wonderful, foils to each other and it’s almost a pity the game can’t actually go the full way with it because Akechi’s secret can’t come out. This leaves it as a tease, the suggestion, of what could be, but that’s still plenty good. I also find it always interesting to see Ryuji and Akechi, two boys heavily formed by an abusive father, both in their own explicit words state outright they relate themselves to Ken in some way. With Akechi, because he is so good at wearing masks, I wonder how true it is when he relates himself to Ken, it’d be interesting to know if this is one of his lies to maintain his façade, or a bit of his true self creeping out as it often does.

Joker/Junpei: I don’t know why I like these two? But Joker comes across as really fond and supportive of him with his consistent chances to shout out “Junpei! Master Detective!”

Yukari/Junpei: As I said in my head I go back-and-forth whether this would be endearing or a toxic hate-love relationship. There’s no denying, though, that these two interact more with each other than anyone else in the P3 cast, they’re the Yukiko/Chie in that sense, if Yukiko/Chie consisted of a lot of barbs and harsh words. We actually get a glimpse of what, I feel, is a healthier dynamic for the two in P3FemPC’s world in the epilogue, where Yukari is still barbed but rather than deflating Junpei ripostes back, this automatically makes it seem less mean-spirited heckling and more two people, comfortable with each other, bantering.

Futaba/Hikari: This one is the obvious choice since the game is obviously going out of it’s way to make this an important relationship. Futaba sees herself in Hikari and appoints herself like an older sister to help her. It is adorable and amazing character development as the socially reclusive and shy Futaba clearly forces herself out of her comfort zone to prove to Hikari that she can change and that she is not a lost cause. Along with Hikari it is, perhaps, Futaba who is the true MVP of this entire game.

Futaba/P3FemPC: Futaba gets some lovely Sister-like sequences with the incredibly fun and social P3FemPC, who Futaba is clearly in awe of. It is a pity that these really only happen in the early game, I’d love for them to continue, but P3FemPC as the big, fun, sister figure of Futaba is fun.

Ryuji/Yukiko: This one is just because the ending of Haru and Yukiko’s ticket has one of the funniest bit ever when Haru and Yukiko decide they want to ‘play’ with Ryuji and Yosuke. Yukiko’s ‘Will you devote all of your being to the name of the Amagi Family?’ is wonderful and I can just imagine Ryuji’s reaction to such a frank proposition.

Mitsuru/P3FemPC: This one was actually surprising to me but Mitsuru really has something of an almost maternal instinct for P3FemPC. She seeks to console her and let her know she is valued, even if Mitsuru is poor at expressions of affection, as seen in Junpei’s case as well. In many ways it strikes me as a more sympathetic Sae/Makoto. Mitsuru clearly cares for the P3FemPC and is aware of her disconsolate feelings, but struggles to find the words to comfort her, but doesn’t let that stop her trying.

#persona 5 #persona #p5 #pq2 #hikari

19 notes · View notes

babes-and-baddies · 5 years

Note

Best to worse lov member to lose your virginity to lmao

how exactly do you define ‘best’, my dude? is it superior skill, emotional intimacy and mutual trust, a secure relationship going forward, a lack of commitments and hangups? because depending on your needs, there are reasons any one of the LOV could be the best to give up your v-card to,,, and i, a humble thirsty hoe, shall explain all of those reasons by explaining just what it’d be like to have your first time with them

that said, here’s my Hot Take (under cut because i went overboard lmao…, NSFW, obvi):

Kurogiri: He’s an absolute gentleman, and an experienced one at that. Kurogiri can take you apart with ease, touch you just so, and still make you relax against him as he takes the lead and shows just how good sex can get. He’s the type to take his time, noticing your tics and turn-ons and paying mind to your newly-discovered limits before you even know what it is you like. Kurogiri would make sure you feel secure, satiated; even after you cum, he’ll take care to check in with a glass of warped-over water to ensure you’re feeling alright. Plus, if you make it a thing, well. Once he knows your weaknesses, what you need, he’d be more than happy to push some boundaries and experiment with some of your more…. questionable of fantasies. He may be a gentleman, but he’s still a rather alternative-minded one; such is the fate for those who become villains. Lucky you ;)

Twice: While he may not seem the type to be so high on the list at first, you’ve got to admit that Jin’s got a lot going for him here. Loyal, caring, humorous, and extremely considerate, Twice is a perfect choice for those who want something fun, tender, safe and passionate for their first time. If he sees you as a friend or teammate, Jin is more than willing to go the extra mile to take things over-the-top and give you a night you’ll never want to forget, even if it it’s far from the high-finesse perfection you could get elsewhere. Jin also has another talent invaluable for your first time: he knows how to make you laugh and let go. Carefree humour meets unashamed affection, and whenever something awkward or embarrassing happens it can be brushed off without concern. Do you make a weird and unattractive noise, or end up falling off the bed in a tangle of limbs? Jin would only respond with a light heart, taking in all your ‘flaws’ as something natural and fun, showing that it’s okay to not hang up on the ‘imperfections’ that simply make your time together real. You have nothing to worry about, since sex is weird, right? Especially your first time. And guess what, Jin’s a bit weird too! Why should that make them any less good?To be with Jin is intimate but stress-free, passionate but light-hearted, and you can let go knowing that your comfort and feelings come first. The only downside is that he might think your trust is so precious, your time together so special, that he might just fall in love with you. But with a sweetheart like Jin, that’s more an extra benefit than anything. How could you make love to him and not feel the same in return?

Magne: As someone who calls upon self-respect and a deep loyalty to her teammates, if you find yourself by Magne’s side you can trust her to treat you with all the care you deserve. She would do anything for her friends, for her loved ones, and if you give your virginity to her it’s sure to be given the weight it deserves. After all, she knows full well the impact of self-autonomy and choosing how to use and inhabit your own body. With you supporting and trusting her own self, Magne knows the importance of returning the favour.And if there’s romance in the equation? All the better! But either way, Magne looks out for her own. While she may be more vanilla, she’s someone who puts your needs and boundaries first without expecting anything extra of you. And if what you need is a safe, comfortable first time with someone you can trust, she’s got you covered.

Compress: Sako is who you go to when you want skill, with a side of respectful detachment. There’s less intimacy, less care, but when you want to fuck the first time just to see what it’s like and get it over with already, or to finally get into it without having to worry about all the messy details, Sako can take care of it. So there’s less intimacy, sure, but fuck does he make up for it by knowing how to use what he’s got. He’s the type to take his time, to tease, to make a show of it for both your and his viewing pleasure, and he’s got the swift hands and cunning tongue to make taking you apart only the first act. He can ease you into things, but soon enough you might find yourself wanting even more of what he has to offer.

Spinner: While Spinner may not seem like someone to have your first time with, consider: shy + disciplined + beefy = very enthusiastic and eager-to-please good time. I’ll be the first to admit he may not have much in the way of experience, but Shuichi more than makes up for it in dedication. If you’re willing to not only fuck him, but share something so special as your first time, then he’s going to make extra sure to take care of you in every way possible. He’s here to prove a point - a point both to you and to himself- and show that you made the right choice in spending your first time with him. He’s strong enough to try things out, eager enough to listen to direction; one setback, though, may come in the form of his cluelessness and own desire to make it good for himself. But don’t worry, if you make it clear how special this moment is, he’s back on track in a second.Just make sure to give him ample time to prepare himself, okay? A day’s warning could make all the difference- because if he’s not expecting anything, his inexperience combined with his excitement could lead to a few problems in the ‘actually making you feel good’ department.

Giran: This old man’s a total sleeze, but he’s a loyal one; Giran stays true to his own and gives as good as he gets, so with something special like your first time, he’ll take care of you real good. After all, your virginity is pretty ‘special’, no? This here is someone who knows how to properly appreciate it.With lots of experience up his sleeve, Giran knows just how to make you feel real good, how to show you the ropes and get the most out of both your and his pleasure. Just remember it’s nothing personal. He’s still going to respect you after it all, but don’t expect any touchy-feely. You both had fun, both got something valuable out of it, and isn’t that what matters?Bonus: if you fuck him reaaal good, there might just be some future opportunities regarding… business negotiations. You wouldn’t happen to be looking for a sugar daddy by any chance, would you? Because there might be one on the market.

Tomura: On the chance he has no sexual or romantic interest in you, he’d not bother to accept your offer in the first place and instead recommend you find someone else to take care of you. If he is somehow interested, then, well.The best reason to give your virginity to Tomura is also the worst reason to do so: he thinks stealing your first time is hot as fuck. Virginity kinks are a thing, and Tomura is a sure example. There’s something alluring about taking something so precious, tainting something so innocent; naively offer yourself to him and Tomura wants to ruin you, have you all to himself and hold on to everything he can. Sure, doing this may lead to some issues of possessiveness and eventual unhealthy relationship dynamics on his part, but it can lead to a damn good fuck if you play your cards right and call on his desire to be the only one to please you. And if you like him, offering your virginity is a great way to make- and keep- him interested. On the downside, your comfort and security are more conditional on how he feels and expect things to play out. When he truly cares- sees you as a friend, a love interest- then everything is great as long as you continue to give him the love and trust shown in offering such a precious part of yourself; he’d be sure to repay that trust in taking care of you. But if you try to distance yourself afterwards, try to say your time together was casual or without intimacy, he wouldn’t take too kindly to it. Tomura chose to accept you like this, and that means you’re his. And he took care of you, right? It’s only fair you take care of him in return, with your love and loyalty. It’s really in your best interest from that point on to accept that and trust him to keep you.

Dabi: Dabi’s who you’d want to go to if you don’t care much about this whole ‘virginity’ thing, if you want something rough, something good, but something without any serious commitment coming out of it. An awkward but kinky virgin who wants to get fucked up? Curious about sex but uncaring about boundaries and uninterested in romance? Dabi’s your guy. He can blow your mind with beautiful degradation and thoughtful apathy, and continue to act as if nothing has changed the next morning aside from the occasional innuendo at your expense. He doesn’t care much about the ‘first time’ thing unless he somehow caught the feelings; if that’s the case than you better hope you got your relationship figured out before sex entered the equation, otherwise it could be the difference between a tender fuck and the blatant disregard of any connection as he ignores his feelings. Sure, if you’re friends or comrades he might be more gentle out of respect, and of course giving him your virginity when you’re together would be sweet, but otherwise? Well, you didn’t come to him for sweet or gentle. Dabi’s ready to show just how good it can feel to act bad, the pleasure found in pain, and you better hope you’re prepared for it.

Toga: Maybe,,,, maybe Toga isn’t the best idea here. For starters, maybe wait a few years, yeah? Or pick someone a little closer to your own age? Unless you’re a kid, but even then,,, there are still probably some better options out there. Toga’s idea of ’love’ isn’t something that would turn out well for you, and her version of ‘friendship’ isn’t much better if Uraraka is any example. The only people who seem safe are her teammates, her found family. If you’re in the LOV, someone precious enough to her to not want dead, you can probably have sex with her and make it out alive; the whole romance aspect of ‘sharing your first time with her’ wont make it easy, but at least you’d have a chance. Basically: please love yourself. Find someone who wouldn’t want to kill you. And please, maybe stick to fellow adults, yeah?

BONUS:

10. Moonfish: Best choice for fans of vore, and fans of vore ONLY

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #league of villains #kurogiri #bnha twice #magne #mr compress #bnha spinner #tomura #dabi #giran #toga #moonfish #mine #did i go overboard with this? yes. do i care? no #this is why im better at scenarios that hcs dstfgyuhijok #at this point 'hc' is shorthand for 'vague thirstposting with context'

990 notes · View notes

atlas-of-a-human-soul · 4 years

Text

Wicked, part 4 (DT royal AU)

Summary: With the L word in the mix, the two go from lovers to enemies.

Warnings: swearing, angst, talk of physical, sexual and mental abuse

Word count: 4500

WICKED - SERIES MASTERLIST

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

''Oh?“ Cameron nearly laughed out loud with the notion, but the fallen look in her brother's eyes had stopped her from acting so inconsiderably.

''YuP!“ Popping the P for effect, Grayson shook his head. ''I told her I love her and she just said 'OH' with a bewildered look on her face.“ Sighing heavily, Grayson bit his lower lip before chuckling dryly. ''She went to sleep right after, on the other side of the bed. She tucked the blanket around her so I couldn't even touch her.“ His gaze falls on the glass of a very expensive scotch he's been sipping on since early morning when he woke up to an empty bed, no sign of his darling dragon wife at all.

''Don't you think you're being a little too judgemental of her reaction? I mean, with the life she's had and the only example of love she had seen, I wouldn't blame her for fearing the words. And I think she was scared, Gray. She was completely at ease with you and she had given herself to you in every possible way a woman can give herself to a man and the words spoked her.“ Cameron reason, well aware she might be more thoroughly briefed on Dracovian royal relationships than her brother considering the confused look that had replaced the sad looming one he sported since he had picked her up from the airport.

''You clearly have better insight, so tell me what is so awful that she had seen that might make her fear my love?“ Grayson was ready to snap, his imagination unable to conjure up the possible terror she might have witnessed – his small, fragile love that was so lonely in this world – his world.

''I do have many spies placed in high places. From what they've told me, the king was an animal toward his wife. In fact, she was the actual Queen, the one who was born to dragon blood and had the throne passed onto her from her mother as well. The king was an extremely charming man who made sure to win that poor woman's heart. She was such a beauty, so fierce and strong, absolutely terrifying to all who would try something against Dracovia and her family. She was a true Queen, but once she let him into her heart, he had broken her apart – piece by piece. It didn't start as openly until she signed his crown matrimonial and she only did it because he made her believe she was losing her mind when Y/N was only four years old. They say he had made her believe she was haunted and that the people questioned her sanity and would ask for her head if they suspect the kingdom may be in peril. He told her he'd protect their family if she signed the crown matrimonial and she did.“ Cameron grabbed Grayson's glass, downing the scotch first. The story was heavy to narrate and hard to hear, something anyone could understand.

''He had cheated on her with multiple women after as he had her declared unfit to rule. He had abused her both physically and sexually aside from mentally. They say the royal guards stationed before their bedroom door would weep as they listened to the monstrous things he had done to her. One wanted to help her but was stopped...you see, they were under orders to protect the queen, but not from the king. The princess would sit in a corner of her bedroom, her hands over her ears as she sang to herself to drown it all out. She was seven years old when her mother mysteriously disappeared at sea. They say their ship was destroyed, but no one knows by who. Some claim we're to blame, others mention Gandria decided to try their hand at war with Dracovia and some say it was the king of Dracovia who wanted a way to get rid of her in order to raise Y/N to his liking.“

Staring blankly at Cameron, Grayson could hardly breathe let alone say anything. Not playing the hero, he opened his drawer and found his inhaler, taking two puffs to help his airway clear.

''That's why she hates me, isn't it?“ His breathing strained, Grayson offered his sister a sincere tear as it slipped past his defenses and slid down his cheek. The tear got lost in his scruff, but his eyes are still glossy, a witness to how painful it was to hear of the unfortunate life his wife's mother had lived and how much it must have affected the love of his life.

''All I'm saying is that you need a lot more patience. She's been under his influence her whole life and while she's come a long way from the ice princess you've described, she's still got miles to go.“

Before he has a chance to respond, a guard runs into the study. Breathing heavily, the young man bows in respect before asking forgiveness for interrupting as well as permission to speak. Once granted, he informs Grayson of a worrisome choice his wife had made.

''The princess left this morning. She was with her lady, but they managed to evade security.“

The sadness leaves Grayson, but it's replaced with a fit of sinister anger he felt setting fires to his entire body – from the blood inside his veins to his mind. How could she leave without even saying something to him? How could she go unaccompanied in a country that tried to invade hers just last week? She may be his wife and he may love her, but his people still see her as the Dracovian royal blood from the stories they've heard for years on end.

They say she was born from ice, that she can transform into a dragon at will. They say she takes what she wants with fire and blood as any dragon would, but most of all – they say she can't be killed...that she can't even bleed easily and when she does that her blood isn't red, but blue.

Grayson knew the stories weren't true, of course...Anyone can be killed.

''You're telling me she's out there alone?“

While Grayson was losing his mind and sending out his men into town to find the wandering princess, Y/N had already returned to the castle, willingly.

Instead of heading back to her room, she finds her way to the cliff garden she once had breakfast at with her husband, the king. Standing atop the cliff, there's no denying she's got a lot on her mind. For the first time since she learned of her pregnancy, Y/N was faced with the reality of carrying a child in her womb. Seeing the tiny blob of cells growing inside her with each passing day had shaken her into a lucid, awake state. She was forced to think more of the new life she would bring to this world and she didn't want to be at war with the father. She had to find a way to mend their relationship and she had to be sincere. Her plans are all futile now for her blood is forever mixed with that of a Dolan. She'll be a Dolan now too...she'll be the dragon who will take the Dolan name and do whatever she has to for her child to grow up in a happy, safe home.

''Why would such a beauty ever be sad? It's a tragic sight to behold.“ The voice is alike Grayson's, but her senses alarm her to the difference in tone, color, emotion. The hairs on the back of her neck stand up, giving her a warning the man who is most certainly not her husband is extremely close to her – close enough for her to smell his heavy vanilla perfume and to feel the heat of his body.

''I'd say it's tragically human.“ She responds, very aware of every move he makes as he steps beside her and gives her some much-needed distance between them.

''There's nothing human about you.“ Ethan chuckles, honest to a fault. In his eyes, Y/N was most definitely a magical being – maybe not a dragon, but an angel at least. In angels he could believe.

''I'll have to disagree, but it's nice to know some still see me as the woman I was before I came here.“ Y/N sighed, casting a fleeting glance toward her brother in law, long enough to see he's relentless stare is set on her alone.

''Has my brother harmed you in some way?“ Ethan questioned, his eyebrows furrowed as if on command. His voice doesn't have the airy tone that's ever-present in their usual conversations which are far and in between. It's genuine worry, she concurs.

''If I ask something of you, could you give me an honest answer?“ Y/N turns to him entirely, no longer letting her eyes wander the ocean or the nearly finished road that leads to home that stretches as far as the eye can see. Ethan has her undivided attention and she can tell he's aware of it as he puffs out his chest and lifts his chin ever so slightly as a peacock would. She'd smile at the way he's so clearly showing her his interest, but she needed information and she had to use his affection for her benefit.

''Most certainly.“ Ethan's usual smirk is nowhere to be found as the serious persona takes over. She's aware his way of speaking is adapted to hers and she appreciates that just as much as his clear intention of helping her.

''Does Grayson keep paramours?“

''I'll be honest even if it hurts me longterm and say no. My brother hasn't even looked at another since we learned we'd have to compete in the kingly trials, months before there was need for them. My brother believes in love and marriage and for him, marriage is a lifelong commitment of loyalty.“ Ethan sighed at the slight curve of her pursed lips, aware he had made her feel better just enough for the air around them to change.

''He's a romantic then. I'm not sure I believe in love, prince Ethan.“ She sighed, her eyes falling to her feet – something he had never seen her do. That woman always had too much pride to walk with her head down.

''I wasn't sure either...I've believed love was for fools, a mere trap made by ancient witches to keep the loneliness away when their looks fade. It's obvious I was the fool for I hadn't been able to think straight nor slow down my heart since you came onto our shores. Your beauty has bewitched my very soul and I'm saddened as every day passes for I have to suffer...not only have I lost the throne, but the most beautiful woman that has ever walked the earth.“ Stepping closer to her, Ethan had nearly forced her off the cliff. Managing to capture her in his embrace, he moved to press his lips against her, at least once. With the taste of her lips upon his, he'd die a happy man for Grayson would surely kill him.

But, as the princess found her footing, so did her palm against the prince's cheek. The slap was quick and well-aimed and it didn't hurt his face as much as it hurt his heart. He understood then that she was already in love with his brother and as she rushed off toward the castle, Ethan wished he could turn back time and do the trials again. If he got the chance, he wouldn't let the throne go as easily as he did. He was never jealous of anything his brother had in their lives, but he was jealous now.

Out of breath, the princess didn't stop for anyone. She ran as fast as she could and she couldn't help but notice just how easier it is to move in jeans she decided on that morning instead of the dresses she usually wears. Sure, the jeans aren't nearly as beautiful or glamourous or as comfy either, but they're very handy in running away from conversations you don't want to have or situations you don't wanna be in.

Huffing, she stumbles into her bedroom, vision blotchy from the running.

''Someone's out of shape.“ A female voice startles her and Y/N nearly screams...She would if she had any strength to spend her breath on anything other than breathing at that moment.

''I'm Cameron, Grayson and Ethan's sister. I believe it's long overdue that we meet.“ Cameron smiles as Y/N walks closer to the sofa she sat on, stifling laughter for the poor girl looked winded and her cheeks had darkened to a crimson shade.

''I finally understand why my brothers act like besotted fools around you. I mean...you do have some cute jeans (genes)“, Cameron adds slyly, enjoying the confused look on Y/N's face way too much.

''Uh, thanks. My lady got these for me and I wasn't quite sure.“ Y/N ran a hand through her hair, deciding sitting with Cameron might not be a bad idea.

''Oh, I didn't mean your jeans! I meant your genes because those chromosomes combined beautifully.“ Cameron explained and it only made the blush on Y/N's cheeks grow. Out of all the things she expected would happen once she met someone other than Ethan in this family, to be flirted with so shamelessly was not one of them. But then again, she felt very flattered.

''Thank you.“ Y/N smiled, tilting her head to the left so slightly, pushing her hair back so effortlessly that Cameron could finally enjoy her elegance as well.

''You know...I kind of expected you to be a total bitch to me.“ Cameron chuckled, earning herself a raised eyebrow from the princess.

''Why is that? After all, you are my equal. Had Astros been as 'modern' as it claims, you'd be the Queen now and I might be married to you.“ Cameron knew the girl wasn't joking with her explanation and while the thought was certainly tempting, Cameron knew she needed to stir the princess in the right direction concerning her brother and their issues.

''You do realize you got the best Dolan. No one will love you like Grayson does, that's a promise. He's the good-hearted one. The one you can trust with your life...the kind of a man you can show bloody hands to and he'd bury the body to protect you. Y/N, he's out of his mind right now, looking for you in every corner of the city and all because he's scared they would kill you. And that would kill him.“ Cameron's words bring forth some guilt in Y/N's heart, mostly because she really didn't want to worry him.

At first, she had to take a walk to clear her head, but then she realized she needed to see a doctor about the baby and she couldn't just come out and tell everyone of her condition. So, with Lady Mareen's help, she found commoner clothes and went undetected. Not only did she know her child is healthy and alive, but she got some helpful pointers about diet, vitamins and everything she might need until the next month.

But before she can confide in Cameron, the trembling rage of her husband storms into the room and Y/N's wall is back up and all the progress she made with Cameron is gone.

''Leave.“ He growls at Cameron who whispers in his ear. ''Patience, brother. Remember that.“

He did try to be patient, but after months of being very nice and helpful and open to letting Y/N call the shots, Grayson was tired of being made a fool before everyone. Y/N had repaid his love with nothing but indifference and he wasn't patient any longer, especially when she was playing with her safety and as such, with his sanity.

''Why the fuck would you leave without a guard? Or telling me? HUH? WHAT WAS SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU'D DISOBEY EVERY FUCKING RULE WE HAVE?!“ Grayson was screaming loud enough for the girl to tremble as if she was sent back to a distant memory she couldn't quite understand, hearing someone else screaming just as loudly, just as unforgivably.

''I...I wasn't hurt. No one even spared me a second glance. I was smart about it.“ She tried to keep her voice leveled and her wits about her, but she couldn't stop her eyes from watering and her fingers from shaking as she hooked them together to hide the telltale sign he had frightened her.

''YOU WEREN'T HURT TODAY! Y/N, for fuck's sake, you're not invincible, alright?! Your dragon blood can't save you from a bullet to the head!“

As Grayson stood towering above her, Y/N let out a shaky breath. The dread and anxiety deadened her mind and body. In her frozen state, she let out a shaky breath, closing her weary eyes. He was right and she knew it, but something about his approach had paralyzed her. She never felt as needed as she did with him, but in this particular moment she was barely holding on the idea and to all she wanted to discuss with him. She was terrified of him and of what he might do to her.

Instead of opening her eyes, she felt to her knees and curled up. Her arms hugged her stomach as if to shield the baby from his attack. She sobbed quietly as she waited for the pain to come, the pain she remembered being afflicted by others but never him.

‘’Y/N, love, what is it?” Grayson had fallen to the ground just as quickly, his arms surrounding her but not in order to harm her but to give her comfort, to give her the safety she forgot he promised her.

‘’Hit me anywhere but my belly. I’ll take everything, just don’t touch my belly.” She sobbed, unable to look at him and that’s when it finally hit him. She was scared he’d hit her…or worse, that he’d harm their baby. And even worse, Grayson realized she was used to being beaten by men and she thought he might do it to her as well.

‘’Y/N, baby, look at me.” Grayson cooed, his eyes overflowing with tears as his voice broke. It was an overwhelming feeling of absolute heartbreak for this woman he had come to love and cherish, but still struggled to understand fully and it’s because he was missing puzzle pieces he didn’t even know existed until today. And while everything she says is relevant, he realized he’d have to think about why it’s so significant to her…he’d have to watch her actions, her words and he’d have to find out about her past to truly know her complex soul. She is the strongest woman he’s ever met, yet she crumbled before his eyes and he was crumbling with her.

Once she looked at him, her teary eyes reluctantly settled on his as his own tears formed new paths down his cheeks.

‘’Y/N, I will never, ever hit you. I was just angry you put yourself at such a risk and because…Because if something happened to you, I’d never forgive myself. I’d lose my mind.” Grayson’s soft confession had scared her just as much as the possibility of him hitting her, but she just nodded, mute to her own feelings.

‘’I know you can’t say it back just yet, but I do love you. Wholeheartedly. And I know you think I’m none the wiser, but I know of the little dragon we’ll have too and I love him or her just as much. I will protect you no matter what happens, alright?” Grayson forced a smile for her own benefit but as he smiled, she had gotten a glimpse of a terrible future she would have to endure.

“Please, love. Please stay with me!” Y/N sobbed over Grayson as he struggled to draw in a breath, just one more breath of life that he’d use to tell her how much he loves her. Just long enough for her sorrow to be lessened.

“I need you. Grayson, our son needs you! If you die, we’ll be doomed. Please, stay. You promised to protect me…to protect us. We…We have so many plans, remember? So many plans! I need you here!”

Grayson smiles as widely as he can, enough to hide just how much pain he’s in or how much it hurts to know he’s broken all his promises. But he believes he’s protected them even now, even as he fades fast. “I…I-love...”

Opening her eyes wide as she draws in a sharp breath, Y/N swallows thickly.

“No one can protect me. You can’t even protect yourself.” Sniffling, Y/N wipes her tears away as her eyes fall back on the man she desperately wants to save but all she gets are glimpses and dreams of different ways she loses him. No matter what way it is, they all end with his death and her crying over his coffin.

“I’d give my life to protect you. If my life is the price I need to pay to save you two, I’d pay it gladly.” Grayson assures her and that’s exactly the reason why she’s so tormented. He’d die for her, yet he’d refuse to sign the crown matrimonial.

“What about crown matrimonial, huh? If you die, our child and I will likely be executed. We’d die, Grayson and the only thing that can protect us isn’t you, but your signature on a piece of paper.” Y/N chuckled dryly once he seemed to be silent for hours while it was likely only a few minutes.

“I don’t plan on dying anytime soon, Y/N. And if I do, Ethan would protect you.” Grayson frowns deeply, biting his lower lip in thought.

“You mean the same man who tried to force a kiss on me today? Because I don’t think he’d enjoy being a babysitter for the throne he’d never get to keep! If he got the feel of it, he’d never let it go and you know it just as well as I do.” Y/N states. Licking her lips, she knows she’s caught him off guard with not only the revelation of his brother’s advancements but of his quest for power as well. Grayson knew Ethan always wanted to be the king and he would have let him have the crown before he saw what comes with it. He didn’t want to believe the worst of his brother, but Y/N’s worst did cast a shadow of doubt and it wouldn’t go away anytime soon.

“I’ll deal with my brother, but know I won’t be signing that paper. Not when your goal was always to kill me and take the throne yourself.” Grayson stands abruptly, throwing her plan to her face to cover up his own guilt and insecurities.

“How long have you known?” She barely speaks, her throat closing up as if there’s not enough air for her to breathe.

“Since the first night. I’ve shared your bed ever since, addicted to you and the hope you may care for me as much I care for you. But I see I was wrong. You don’t love me and you never will. If you did, you wouldn’t use our child to manipulate me into signing the crown matrimonial and you wouldn’t try to push a wedge between my brother and I. You’ve broken my belief in love, so congratulations. You’ve won there, but I’m no longer willing to play the puppet in your show.”

Swallowing thickly, Grayson turns to leave. He’s ready to leave, to go and leave her behind, so hollow and yet filled with sorrow to the brim. She’s truly beaten him in all heart matters that Grayson can hardly believe it.

“Where are you going?” She manages to say despite tears welling up in her eyes. She wasn’t using their child as a pawn in this game of love and thrones, because she knew his future would be short and violent and it was hard enough to know she’d lose him but to lose her own child? That would kill her. It was of no use to tell herself she didn’t love him any longer, but she couldn’t tell him…not now. Had she told him last night, they would be wrapped around each other now, lost in their well-rehearsed dance of sensual touch and pleasure, but she didn’t. Anything she says now wouldn’t have meaning to him for he’d assume she’s lying.

She wanted to scream for him to stay as he gripped the doorknob, to beg and demean herself if it meant he’d remain in their bed and hold her close. She’d do anything, but it would be of no use.

“My room.” He responded coldly, his back turned on her, unaware just how badly she’s breaking.

“But…this is your room. Our room. Grayson…” She wanted to say the words, to let him know she loves him just as much if not more than he could ever love her. After all, she was willing to forget all her plans and forgive all his sins, just for him to look at her as softly and lovingly as he used to.

Did he even love her anymore, she wondered. Can someone stop loving you overnight? Can you truly stop loving someone as her mother and father had stopped loving each other? Would that be her story as well? Is it because she didn’t share the news of the baby before? Or because she didn’t tell him how she feels too? Or is it because he finally saw through her and decided he was wrong in loving her in the first place?

She wished she realized where her heart lies sooner. For every moment they spent apart, Y/N had found her mind wandering to Grayson and what he might be doing. She realized she was thinking only of him and she wondered how long he was on her mind. Then it occurred to her, he was there from day one.

“I suggest you get a good night of sleep, princess. You’re supposed to rest more.” Grayson left the room straight after, her sobbing sounding before he even closed the door behind him. Hearing her cry nearly pulled him back in but Grayson knew it would be of no use. If she didn’t love him by now, he had clearly failed and he needed to be a king now, not the man who had fallen for a woman who had no intention of letting him love her.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Tags: @graysavant @yaren-ates @beinscorpio @dolandolll @godlydolans @dolanstwintuesday @accalialionheart @peacedolantwins @heyits-claire @graydolan12 @gia-kerks @justordinaryjen @dopedoodes @sunshinedolantwins @pitreshawn @melodiesforari

#grayson dolan #ethan dolan #dolan twins #grayson dolan angst #grayson dolan royal au #grayson dolan au #grayson dolan series #grayson dolan fanfic #grayson dolan x reader #grayson dolan fanfiction #grayson dolan fic #king!Grayson

103 notes · View notes