#and it's been so long since i've seen an attractive person out in the wild i hate it so much
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Gonna attempt to go to sleep I'm giddy about a boy fucking pathetic
kdjsksnsosndk good night
#since we're talking about guys. yesterday i found out one of my co-workers is cute#and it's been so long since i've seen an attractive person out in the wild i hate it so much#you know that tweet 'i had a crush on a girl so i sent her a note telling her to move schools' or something like that?#that's how i feel ksnsisjsisdb#it's not even a crush but attractive people make me Uncomfortable jsnsksjdisj#i hate that i share like half of my shift with him KSNSKSNSKS#on god put me on the graveyard shift if that means i don't have to see him KDNZKSJSJ#BTW. his nose reminds me of damiano's. god hates me in particular bskdndkdnd#ask#stem anon
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"Even after Centuries later"
☆Prompt: Cloud Retainer and your love story. You're an Adeptus as well.
☆Warnings: Fluff, just fluff.
For as long as you can remember, you've been by Xianyun's side, even when Ganyu was a baby. While she wasn't an expressive person, she did always made sure to show her love to you in ways that only you understood. You're love story with Xianyun was a tale to tell among the people of Liyue. The story of the two Adeptus that loved each other since Liyue was created.
You were the only Adeptus that dwelled among the humans, not only that, you wanted to keep an eye out for Shenhe and Ganyu. When the girls were babies, both of them being babies at separate time, you were the one who always pampered and loved them, and the only Adeptus to understand humans. Though Shenhe was not used to that kind of treatment, she had a different level of respect and love for you.
Since the war, the Adeptus decided to live in the nature, not wanting to dwell the humans but you choose to stay, and live alongside Rex Lapis. Xinayun didn't like that, she couldn't bare the thought of being separated from her beloved partner but she never told you, nor did she express it in anyway, but loving her so long made you understand her even when she wasn't doing anything.
Xianyun was also quite the jealous and overprotective type so when she heard that you've been having lots and lots of attention lately, she had to go down there.
When rumors went around that a beautiful lady came into Liyue, during the Lantern Rite, you had no clue who it was, but Rex Lapis, or Zhongli did, he did not tell you,he waited for that every scene to unfold. You and Ganyu were walking around Liyue, with Shenhe trailing along. The city was peaceful and harmonious, something that the Adeptus fought so hard to achieve and because of you, it was kept that way. They don't call you the 'sustainer of peace' for nothing.
You and Shenhe was accompanying Ganyu to pick up a perfume from Yinger and she had a very strong attraction towards you. "Ah Ms. Y/n, you are looking lovely as the morning sun~" she approached you and held your face.
You smiled and gently removed her hand,"Thank you Ms. Yinger, I'm actually accompanying my dau-I mean friend to pick up something that Lady Ningguang had ordered?"
"Ah yes the perfume. I'm sure that something is going on since she's been ordering so many perfumes lately, but let me get that for you lovelies~"
When she ran off to bag the perfume, Shenhe chuckled, "Well that's five for the morning."
"Master Y/n has been getting alot of attention lately. I wonder what cloud retainer would think if she saw this," Ganyu giggled along with Shenhe, both of them imagining what Xianyun would do.
"Girls,you do have a wild imagination don't you?"
Yinger came back and handed you the perfume. "Well, here you go. It was lovely giving it to you. I do hope you can return the favour," she winked as you walked away.
"That woman..." you sighed.
Ganyu and Shenhe left for the Jade Chamber and you sat down with Zhongli, a sigh escaping your lips. "A rough day friend?"
"Oh dear, don't get me started. Has anything changed about me Zhongli?" He sipped his tea as he hummed.
"You have gotten alot attractive these last few days. I can see why you've been getting this much attention. Don't you like it?"
"I mean... I... I don't know. Its nice and all but every time I smile or say something nice back to someone, I can only see Cloud Retainer. It's like she's watching me from the mountains."
"How long have you seen each other?"
"For almost two years. I've been busy!"
Zhongli's eyes drifted behind you before returning back to you. "Don't you miss her?"
"I do. But I can't go now, she'll sense something is wrong and begin questioning me. You know how inquisitive she can." You sipped your cup of tea.
"One certainly is not inquisitive!" You spat out your tea and let out a scream. Zhongli laughed as you saw a very angry cloud Retainer behind you. She was in her human form.
"C-cl-baby! Hello!"
"Don't baby me. Do you like these attentions that are given to you?" Her arms were folded, and she glared at you.
"I-no! I don't..." As an Adeptus, you weren't afraid of anything. Anything except your wife.
She sighed before relaxing and taking a seat. "Re-Ehem, Zhongli. It's a pleasure to see you again. One was concerned with your well being."
"Xianyun. Its good to see you as well. Y/n here has been missing you quite alot these days."
Xianyun opened one eye and she stared at you. "I doubt she has. With all the attention she's been receiving and accepting, I don't think she misses me one bit."
"My love don't say that."
Zhongli smiled as he watched the two of you bicker back and forth. "Hmmm, just like old times."
The three of you sat down and caught up. Zhongli told Xianyun how the human world is like and to say she wasn't pleased was an understatement but having you by her side will help her to cope. Zhongli bid goodbye to you both as you took Xianyun on a walk and since it was night, Liyue looked even beautiful but nothing could beat the beauty of your wife. "One can feel your intense gaze." She said as she smiled slightly.
You held her hand as the two of you went to Mt. Laixin, using your adeptal powers to get there. "You're beautiful. Keep staying in this form will ya?"
"Ha! So you are implying that my animal form is not beautiful?"
"N-no that's not what I meant! I meant to say that you're beautiful and that this form suits you well. I can even get to kiss you and hold you properly." Xianyun blushed and adjusted her glasses.
"Hmmph! If you insist, I shall remain in this form. I want to settle down in Liyue Harbor for a couple of years. I would like to engage in the human world and their daily activities."
The two of you took a seat on the grass, admiring the big moon. "Well the human life isn't hard once you get to adapt to it. I'll even help you." She nodded as she kept admiring the moon.
"Do you remember our wedding night? That night certainly hasn't left my mind," she chuckled. That night, the two of you showed each other how much you really loved each other. You even used your adeptal powers to give you a male genital to please Xianyun.
"I do. It's one of those nights I'll never forget."
"Since one will be staying here... can we do it again? And this time, let's try for a child." You stared at her with wide eyes.
"H-huh?"
"I know you are not incapable of hearing. I request a child from you."
"Really? I-I... that's-that's great news! I'd be more than happy to have you bear my child!"
You lifted her up and twirled her around as she let out a small squeal. "This is amazing! We can finally have a child! I can't wait! Let's start tonight!"
Before she could protest, you were already on your way home, using your powers you got wings and you held her bridal style as you flew home. Xianyun gently grabbed your face as she admired your features. "I love you y/n," she pressed a kiss to your cheek with a small smile.
"Well I love you even more. Even after centuries, my love for you never faded and it never will."
#xianyun#genshin impact xianyun#cloud retainer#genshin impact cloud retainer#cloud retainer x reader#xianyun x reader#genshin impact x reader
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I loved Wild Blue Yonder, I thought it was a great episode. But if I see one more person proclaiming that the Doctor saying Isaac Newton was "hot" made the character "finally queer", I'm gonna set fire to sth.
For one thing, since they changed into a woman, the Doctor has, depending on one's definition, been canonically genderfluid/trans/nonbinary/genderqueer. That was made even more explicit last week in Star Beast. So saying that the Doctor as played by a man and using he/him pronouns calling a man "hot" somehow made the character queer is stupid in and of itself.
And secondly, the Doctor has long been regarded as aro and ace-coded by people of those communities and guess what? Aro and ace people really do exist and we are queer. And it would be lovely if other queer people could stop excluding us by saying that characters who provide what little, mostly accidental and incidental representation we get "become queer" by expressing same-sex attraction. It happened with Good Omens and it seems to be happening again with Doctor Who and I am so fucking tired of it
Edit (6th Dec 2023): Several people have pointed out in the notes that there have been quite a few instances of the Doctor ambiguously or indeed unambiguously expressing 'same-sex' attraction and exploring their gender identity/identities in the past, both in the show and in extended media. I just wanted to be absolutely clear on the fact that I was in way trying to diminish the importance of those moments by emphasing the aspect of asexuality and aromanticism in my post. That is not to say that I think anyone was implying that I was doing that, in fact everyone's been lovely (which is why I also wanted to thank everyone for their input, I learnt a lot, especially about the novels!!)
Of course, as an asexual, aromantic and agender/nonbinary person, that is the lens through which I watch the show and relate to the character of the Doctor. This does not make my reading of them any more or less valid than anyone else's. In fact, I absolutely love the fact that the Doctor is a character who speaks to people of so many different queer identities and I am so happy that RTD is exploring their queerness more explicitly, building on what he and so many other writers and also the actors have already established. I just hope that the fandom will respect the aro and ace aspects of the Doctor's queerness the same way they do their gender identities and other sexual and romantic orientations. Part of the reason I was initially quite worried about this was because of my experiences in the Good Omens fandom, particularly post series 2, as indicated in my original post. The other is that I doubt the show will explore the aro and ace aspects of the character as much as they may other queer identities - unfortunately aspecs have a history of being left behind in this regard...
But we will see, maybe I'll be proved wrong! For the time being, I just hope the queer community can celebrate all the different facets of the Doctor's undeniable queerness, including the aspec ones. And as the reactions to this post have been overwhelmingly supportive (I don't think I've seen a single outright negative response), I think this hope is far from unfounded.
(Sorry, this edit turned out to be longer than the original post...)
#doctor who#dw spoilers#doctor who spoilers#wild blue yonder#asexuality#aromanticism#asexual#aromantic#acespec#arospec
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How to fall in love twice (Time, Malon) -Part 4
Pairing : Malon x Reader x Time
Rating: T
Summary: As you and Malon have some bonding time in Kara Kara inn Time gets pissy with the boys.
Warnings: Implied/ referenced child abuse, referenced alcoholism - (Reader had a drunk father that sucked until he was forced to get better or stay gone)
Other: if I missed anything, please let me know.
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You spend the two weeks a version of Wild's hyrule. The land is beautiful but the problem say it's only been twenty years since the calamity.
During this, you and Malon spend time talking and doing upkeep for an adventure. You gather rupees for odd jobs and stocking on supplies. With several faries and lots of weapons, you settle for basic food supplies. You leave an adventuring tag for the boys on the off chance they come across it
At the moment, you and Malon are settled inside the in of Kara Kara Buzzar, the busseling groups outside loud.
Inside is a haven of perfect temperature ir, maintained by enchanted sapphires.
"I hope the boys are doing okay." Malon says as she inspects her bow, eyes nothing but calculating.
"Mh, they're fine... By now, they're figured out that we're not coming back and that we got the mask."
"I know. I'm just worried. "
"Can I help?"
"No... It's just weird. I'm not usually the one on an adventure. "
You nod, not quite understanding the sentiment but understanding being on an adventure you weren't expecting or really even supposed to be on.
She looks at you fully, her soft smile a little bitter in the afternoon light. "I'm just glad that it's you that I'm with and not someone else."
"Oh- thanks. I'm glad it's you here too." Yoy say, trying not to come off as the giant smitten crush haver you are.
"You're sweet. It's really no wonder Link likes you so much."
"Oh, yeah... I try."
Malon just laughs, warm and amused. "You're a good person, and I've heard you're a Greta friend."
"That means a lot. Thank you."
She just smiles, pulling her bag onto the bed so she can double-check her arrow supply.
If she's honest- she likes you too. A lot. More than a friend even if it is a fresh crush.
You're funny, kind, and very attractive. She likes how you try to help people and protect those who need it. You're good people.
You turn to the window, watching the sands roll by as chatter sounds around you. The tourists outside are all dressed in linens and silks, seeking refuge from the sun as they browse the stalls.
You can hear Time worrying, even if you aren't actually there. You've seen it enough times, overheard his muttering, he thought no one could hear. You just hope he and the others are okay.
(You can see the pacing and the glaring as he mutters about where you and his wife might possibly be. The way he gets snappy with everyone's. How he takes as many watch shifts as he physically can before royally crashing. Only to repeat the whole process.)
"Hey, (Y/n)?" Malon calls.
"Yeah?"
"What was it like for you growing up?"
You turn to face her, her curiosity evident. And usually you don't just tell people about your past but most people don't ask. To be fair.
"Well... I mean, mom was born on a ranch and grew up there with her siblings. Dad was a royal guard from a long line of them.
"I grew up in castle town, I have three siblings though. And we spent every summer at Mamaw and Papaw's ranch. I did good in school but I struggled to keep up.
"It was okay, dad wasn't home a whole lot... Drank when he was, but he just got loud and angry."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"It's fine. The one time he hit us, mom nearly killed him." You give a shrug, "After that, he left for a year and came back better. I still don't talk to him much these days. But I don't feel like he's a danger anymore either."
"He hit you?" Malon asks, furry already filling her. How dare anyone ever mistreated children - how dare anyone mistreated you.
Oh, she'd like to kick your father's ass. That would be fun.
She can only imagine that Time would be on board.
"Once. Never again." You shrug, unphased because honestly you've faced worse on this quest with the boys.
"That's a real low thing."
"It's cool, I can kick his ass now. After learning to hold my own against the boys, I think I could take on Gannon myself." You crack a smile, hoping to distract her with a joke.
"I'm sure you could."
"Maybe that's why we got pulled away, to destroy gannon?" You snort at just the thought.
Gannon is so fucked is you or Malon meet him, but both of you- well he'd be done for. You both have a lot of rage towards him and you're both skilled at fighting.
"Ha! Maybe so."
"How would you do it?" You ask, "Defeat Gannon, I mean."
Malon tilts her head with a hum, thinking about the logistics of her ideal victory. She bites her lip as she does this.
"I think I'd just take my cast iron skillet to his head." Malon says with a shrug, "What about you?"
"Hm- I meN I'd wanna say the sword would let me weird it and go that route... but I'd probably be more likely to fight him with a baseball bat full of nails."
"That's a good choice."
"I think so!"
Malon changes the subject again, this time to the places you've been.
And you just enjoy the downtime with the redhead. You definitely are starting to fully grasp why Time likes her so much.
.......
Time can't stand can't of this, settled at a campfire in the Great plateu of Wild's hyrule is awful. Time's only thoughts are of you and Malon.
The woods are no comfort to him. Only making him more on edge because you could be anywhere in any time, and he'd never even see you if you were here.
Time is so worried. And everything is too quiet.
He's- used to not having Malon around all the time on this quest... But you've been there so long your absence is particularly felt.
The lack of your smile and laugh has been awful. Your help with cooking has been missed. The soft touches as you help him dress wounds -
Oh he's so fucked.
"I'm sure it's fine." Wind says a s he sits down by Time.
"Sailor - you don't know that. "
"I do. You have a type. Stubborn." Wind's smile at the end is a little smug.
"I- that is not my type."
"It's part of it."
"I'm just worried about them. Obviously, something happened. Neither of them would just run away. "Time says as he narrows his gaze on the ground.
"No... they wouldn't. "Sky says, "But they're together, are they're both smart."
"That doesn't mean they are in danger. I'm not even sure the mask is going to be helpful. What if they haven't even found it?"
Wind just listens, not sure how to help but wishing Time eoukd stop being so on edge.
"It will be okay, Time. Obviously you get them back. Or Twilight wouldn't exist." Sky tries to reason.
"That only means I get Malon back- what if (Y/n) dosen’t ever come back? What if It's my fault and I didn't hear them and-"
"Time." Twilight says firmly to try to stop the rambling spiral the man seems set on.
Everyone is worried about you and Malon. Everyone wants to get you all to safety-
"Hey, old man." Warriors calls out, "Come look at this."
Time stands, gaze landing on Warriors next to the largest tree in the forest, roots almost like their own tunnel.
The man was towards the knight, waiting for more instruction.
"These are (Y/n)'s initials, aren't they?"
Time looks, and maybe your hylian and his hylian are very different but you'd taught him how you tagged certain things when lost. A habit picked up from a survivalist uncle.
The tag carved into the tree reads your intials and then 'day 4'.
Unfortunately, the wood is well healed. At least fifty years have passed, probably longer. But the chain hadn't been in the plateu before, which means -
You got pulled away through a portal. With Malon at your side, probably. And you are in the past of the current time the boys are in.
That's some real shit.
"Well... at least we know what happened to them?" Wild trues, not really soundings too confident in it.
"I'm going for a walk." Time says in place of any real answer.
"Should we tag that way?" Wind suggests from behind the group.
"Maybe." Wild says, "So they can at least keep up with where we've been."
Warriors nods, deciding to tag the tree below your carving 'H.C. day 9.'
He just hopes you can figure it out.
Time can be seen going on a walk Allright, a real pissy walk.
Yikes.
#lu#linkeduniverse#misty writes#linked universe x reader#lu time#lu malon#lu malon x lu time#malon x time#time x malon x reader
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Sigh... I'm gonna add my two cents about the Balloon arospec drama(I'm AroAce BTW) and by my two cents I mean I'll mention it two times and just talk about something else related. I'll also be providing some knowledge about AroAceness and all that.
For those of you who don't know,
Aro: Aromantic - Little to no romantic attraction.
Ace: Asexual - Little to no sexual attraction.
Aro+Ace are spectrums and aren't just "every Aro person doesn't feel any kind of romantic attraction" or "every Ace person can't feel sexual attraction." I feel as tbough people forget that all the time so I wanted to remind you lot haha.
I'm noticed this kind of drama a few times, where people argue about a character on where they are on the AroAce spectrum. It's difficult for me to put what I think into words here, but if a character(either canon AroAce or not) doesn't have a canon placement on the spectrum then whatever, go wild.
To help with my previous statement, I'll use SakiK from... SaikiK. People generally agree he's AroAce, yet people argue about where he is on that spectrum(mainly the Aromantic part). Since it's not ever stated where he is on that spectrum(or even if he is AroAce but SHHHSHSHHSH 🤫🤫), everyone has their own interpretation of it.
I believe it should be the same for Balloon, unless Balloon comes on screen and says "I am *insert very specific thing here* " as he points to a picture of the Aro spectrum then its to to you. Obviously, don't make him a sex crazed fiend or constantly searching for love, you eejit, but it should be up to interpretation.
A little off-topic here, sorry, but I wanted to bring up umbrella terms in both the Aro and Ace spectrums(I'm included ace because eh why not! This is for my people who HC Balloon as Aro AND Ace 🙏🙏)
Here are some terms under both the aro and ace spectrums. I feel as though you guys and many, MANY others tend to forget that there are umberlla terms for AroAce. I'll define them below:
Ace umbrella:
Aceflux: someone whose sexual orientation fluctuates but generally stays on the asexual spectrum
Greysexual: only experience sexual attraction some of the time, and sometimes not at all.
Demisexual: An individual who does not experience sexual attraction until after a close emotional bond has been formed.
Aro umbrella:
Aroflux: someone whose romantic orientation fluctuates but generally stays on the aromantic spectrum
Greyromantic: Some may feel a strong emotional connection with others but do not desire romantic relationships, while others may feel a weak romantic attraction to some people but not all.
Demiromantic: An individual who does not experience romantic attraction until after a close emotional bond has been formed.
Now, there are MANY more, feel free to add in the replies or the reblogs (o: !
Also, my apologies that this post was very long! Also also, my personal opinion on Balloons arospec thing? Idfk, lmao. TBH, this was kinda an excuse to just talk about stuff I like and am interested in so... 👍I've seen the tweet where one of the people who worked on II said yes, Balloon is meant to be Aro, but I couldn't tell you if they went into specifics about it. Sorry for constantly saying AroAce instead of just aro for Balloon, I felt like it was still important to include all my asexuals out there and educate others about it.
(BTW! Any inaccurate info, PLEASE, PLEASE correct in the replies)
Anyway!
TL;DR:
If a character who is just stated to be AroAce(not demi, grey, flux ETC) and never has their place on the spectrum explained whatsoever, it's okay to have a little fun experimenting with it IYKWIM. As I've stated, we all have our own interpretation of the AroAce character and there's no point arguing about it and getting mad because that's fucking stupid, unless they start actively getting rid of the AroAce rep then burn them to the stakes! /j
I know how wild you mother fuckers can be, so don't shank me please. If you disagree, take a deep breath and remain calm because getting all pissy about this isn't gonna do shit. Try to go about it calmly and reasonably. <3
I'd love to see others' opinions on this, remember to be respectful! 🩵
.
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Random Koskela HCs
Headcanons partially based on what I've seen in the game so far, which includes some of the manuscript pages & the commercials (*Some spoilers ahead thus*)
Ilmo is the younger twin with an age difference of 3 solid minutes
Ilmo's entrepreneur & creative spirit is balanced out by Jaakko's no-nonsense attitude.
However, I like to think that Jaakko has had his share of wacky, wild ideas but happily gives Ilmo the credit for them since most residents already view Jaakko as the less quirky brother.
It was actually Jaakko who came up with the floats they can't show on television.
The Koskelas are inseparable from each other and also from their baseball cap and beanie.
They probably lived in Watery their whole life.
Ilmo looks up to his brother, even though he doesn't always say this out loud.
The brothers have a bunch of tapes with bloopers from their commercials that they watch when drinking beers together after a long day of work.
Every now and then, when the weather's good, they like to race each other on their motorcycles. It got them in trouble more than once with the deputies, but fuck the government and police!
They also like to make long tours on their bikes, taking in the views of the landscape.
Extended Family
Jaakko met his wife who was a tourist visiting Bright Falls. They had kids but in the end it didn't work out with them because his wife was a city woman, plus Jaakko's involvement with so many Koskela businesses left him with little to no time for her.
Still, he has an okay bond with his ex and a good relationship with his kids. They mainly keep contact through e-mail and occasional phone calls. During some holidays, the kids visit Jaakko in Watery.
When the kids were young, Jaakko's built them some toys and mini attractions (like a mini moose spring rider)
Ilmo tried his best to be The Cool Uncle but didn't always succeed where he wanted to. Being a smalltown resident, he was often out of touch with the big city customs and cultures.
Other random stuff
Although the local government isn't always too happy about so many things being owned by the Koskelas, it gives the town their fair share of income and it helps locals get jobs and keep a community feel.
Ilmo took evening classes to become an entrepreneur
He had to grow into his more extroverted persona.
Ilmo hates it when tourists pronounce or write his name wrong. No his name is not Elmo and he doesn't know who that furry red thing is. (There have been instances where Jaakko told naive tourists that 'Elmo' is the correct English version they could use instead)
Ilmo once considered doing tour guides on his motorcycle but Jaakko talked him out of it.
Angsty
Ilmo sometimes feels he has to overcompensate in his achievements. Since he looks up to Jaakko, who is his business partner and has a family, Ilmo fears he will fall behind.
Jaakko wishes his kids would stay in Watery, but knowing how shady the place is, he is glad they live far away from their hometown.
Jaakko was initially afraid to become a dad, but Ilmo hyped him up and supported him through the process.
No matter how many Taken they've killed, it hurts each time. Especially if they've known the person who got transformed.
Jaakko was the first one to kill a Taken, which he did after Ilmo initially hesitated which almost got him heavily injured.
Ilmo isn't superstitious, but there always remained a lingering fear that one day he would turn out like the historical figure Illmari. After the events of AW2, he blames himself heavily for Jaakko's death.
Ilmo has survivor's guilt.
After Jaakko's death, Ilmo can't immediately grieve, because there is still an evil to defeat, plus he still has all his responsibilities for the multiple businesses he runs. But keeping up a facade isn't easy.
Ilmo doesn't know what to tell Jaako's kids. How is he supposed to explain what happened to their father? The only "consolation" is that Jaakko's death was quick, he didn't have to bleed out or anything. Still, it was super messed up and Ilmo has nightmares.
#alan wake 2 spoilers#koskela brothers#jaakko koskela#ilmo koskela#alan wake 2#alan wake#my posts#headcanons#There it is my random HCs and ideas#my ramblings#my hcs
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shakarian:He is still waiting tonight. part1
The downtown area, once called Silver Sun, has changed its name, the shops and everything else has changed. But it still continues to attract people who want to indulge in hedonism.
The bar located on the upper floor of the casino was crowded with customers of various races.
(Oh, He's here today too.)
I looked toward the counter with some kind of anticipation.
Having recently moved to the neighborhood, I casually dropped by this bar and enjoyed the atmosphere.
It's not too noisy or obscene like Omega's Aftersun, so it's nice to be able to enjoy it safely to a certain extent -- and The guy I'm into as a romantic interest is over there.
The turian had been there almost every night since she'd been showing her face for about a month ago.
The slender proportions unique to this race appear mesmerizingly beautiful to my human eyes.
And, as if to confirm turian characteristics of military discipline, there is a large scar on the face that appears to have been caused by a severe attack. I've also seen him take down a drunk he got involved with in a matter of seconds.
(The atmosphere is inhospitable…but it's nice.)
Even when I asked anyone who was present about it, no one knew the name.
'Whenever he comes, he doesn't talk to anyone, just drinks and goes home. I guess he's back from the war. Maybe it's hard to be alone at home.'
I couldn't bring myself to talk to people who were giggling at such guesswork.
I am a civilian and have never been in the military or dated a military member. Maybe I'm drawn to him because he seems like a man who lives in the exact opposite world to me.
(Is it okay if I talk to you? I'm sure he'll treat me in an inappropriate way anyway.)
Usually, I was content with just looking at it secretly, but today that wasn't enough.
I feel bold, probably because I've drunk the Ryncol mixed with water. If I just ask him out lightly, won't get hit like a drunkard, probably. With such optimism, I made up my mind and headed towards the counter.
"…Hey, can I sit here?"
When I called out to him with my heart pounding, he looked up from staring at the glass absentmindedly. he looked over his shoulder and stopped for a moment.
"?"
Not for a moment. Time stopped for about three breaths.
I wonder if I said something strange. Or maybe I'm just acting that weird? I looked back at my clothes impatiently, but then he regained his movement.
"…Do whatever you like. It's not my bar."
"Ah, thank you.”
It may seem curt, but I'm glad got permission. Relieved, I sit down on a stool and ask the barman for a cocktail.
When I glanced sideways, the other person didn't seem to be interested in me. He was holding a drink in a listless manner while facing straight ahead.
(I won't give up. I decided to talk to this person today.)
I've challenged once, so I can't run away from him. I opened my mouth thinking that the heat of Ryncol in my stomach was stirring up recklessness.
"I just recently moved here. I've been living on a rural planet, so it's fun and lively to live in a place like this. Have you been here for a long time?"
"….ah"
"yes……."
"…"
The conversation that started on a whim ended on a whim.
He doesn't seem to be pushing me away, but he shuts down before continuing. I guess he doesn't have any desire to interact with anyone.
But such behavior is also wonderful. It's tough and cool.
Thinking of this, I used the power of alcohol to urge him further.
"I made my first turian friend when I came here. turians really do look like soldiers and are all very smart. Are you a military person too?"
"…No"
"I guess it's different now. Even for the police, the atmosphere doesn't seem like that… it's wild. Even the scars on your face."
"…I was in the military a long time ago."
"I knew it! I heard rumors that you are. The people here care about what kind of person you are. You've been here every day since I started coming here."
"…"
He straightened his back and fanned his glass. He cracked the ice and spat out the words with a sigh.
"I'm waiting for someone. I'm sorry, but please don't bother me."
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(S) Captured (dom!GP!Natasha x sub!villain!femboy!reader)
Summary: Natasha gets captured by the villain reader who she has known for years and has spent a numerous nights with.
Warnings: a bit of fluff, dom Natasha, sub reader, big ass femboy reader, domination loss (dom R to sub R), bondage, girl penis, riding, enemies to lovers.
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"Well look who decided to finally wake up." A beautiful voice rang out through the comfortable and rather large room as Natasha, who had her hands handcuffed together and locked to the headboard and her legs tied to the end of the large bed, woke up.
Since she was in an unfamiliar place and didn't clearly remember how she had gotten here, she had decided to keep her eyes closed so that the person who had captured her wouldn't know that she had woken up.
However, when she heard the beautiful and familiar voice, the tension left her as she opened her eyes and looked to the side to see a short beauty smirking down at her :"Well hello there, y/n, haven't seen you in a while."
You two had known each other for a few years now, and had been playing a long game of tag, or cat and mouth, or wolf and sheep, whichever you prefer to call it. You were a rather famous villain, someone who was known to succeed in all of his heists no matter what he intended to steal.
And well, some things that you had stolen had put the attention of the Avengers, Earth's mightiest heroes, attention on you. But you weren't afraid anyway, in fact, it was nice to see a familiar face chasing to catch you.
You and Natasha knew each other even before the Avengers were formed, but of course, not as friends, but not as enemies either, but playmates and rivals. And even sex friends sometimes. Neither of you could hide your attraction to the other.
You had lost count of how many times she had captured you, just for you to play the seducter and escape after a hot and steamy time. However, you had never been the one to capture her. So you decided to change that.
You chuckled at her nonchalant act as you sat on the bed with a bathrobe hiding your body while your pinkish red hair fell down your shoulders seductively :"Well, I've been busy for a while. You know, stealing some nice things from some other countries. Some useful things, some just for being pretty. All the fun stuff."
Natasha raised an eyebrow with her confident smirk still on her gorgeous face :"Oh really now? So you've been a naughty boy while you were gone, huh? Naughty boys need to get punished, you know that."
You chuckled in amusement at how she acted like she was in charge. Well, she was most of the time, however, this wasn't most of the time. You crawled on the bed and sat right on her crotch, feeling her impressive member under you as she jolted a bit at the feeling of your soft bottom while you smirked :"Nuh uh, baby, I think you should be punished for not playing with me instead."
Natasha's eyebrows rose as an amused smile appeared on her face :"Is this what it's about? The reason why you've got me all tied up? detka (baby), do you honestly think that you're in charge just because of my current state?"
"Let's see then." You bit your plump, rosy bottom lip as you gently took off the bathrobe with a seductive smile as Natasha took in your naked form with darkened green eyes. After you completely took off the bathrobe, you threw it aside as you giggled when you noticed Natasha's member getting harder and harder under you :"Seems like somebody is impatient."
You gently placed your hands on Natasha's shoulders as you got closer to her face. Natasha didn't fight back when your plump lips met hers. It wasn't a lustful, hungry kiss though. It was gentle, warm and comforting.
It was something that you two had gotten used to after spending so many nights together, just a gentle kiss to start off the wild night. The life of the both of you was quite stressful after all, so it kinda had become a foreplay of its own to kiss gently and even if it's just a little, take away some of that stress.
However, because of not having seen each other for some time now, both of you were a little impatient. You didn't bother to do any more foreplay as you sat up again and pulled the zipper of her suit down.
Natasha smirked smugly when she saw you were almost drooling at the sight of her beautiful tits, and when her dick sprung out, you had to bite your lip to stifle a moan. Your own member had long hardened.
You reached out and grabbed her by the shaft as you lined the tip with your entrance, that had been lubed up before Natasha had woken up, while Natasha watched :"Fuck, I told you that were seriously impatient for this hole."
As you lowered yourself, you whimpered in pleasure at the stretch as Natasha gritted her teeth and growled at the sensation of your velvety walls wrapping around her in a vice grip :"Fuck, y/n just open these handcuffs so I can fuck you already."
But you disagreed with a chuckle as you sheathed her entire length in you, resulting in you throwing your head back in pleasure before you chuckled at her :"Sorry, but I'm in charge this time. All you're gonna do is lay there and look pretty for me while I satisfy myself with this dick~."
As you gently moved up and down, you couldn't help but bite your lip with a mean smile when you saw her clenching her fists so tightly. You smirked as you began to move faster :"Mmm, fuck… Are you having fun down there? All these years that we've known each other, there have been a handful of times where I've rode you.
However, this is the first time that I'm the one taking charge, isn't it? Hahaha, mmm, this is pretty addicting. Seeing you under me, trying to get out while I just your body like a toy… I guess this is why you look like you're having so much fun while we're having sex. Being under control, while the other person can't stop the pleasure. How does it feel to be at the other end of the stick, huh?"
But unlike how you thought she would react, she actually smirked provokingly up at you :"You know, you should stop your legs and body from trembling so much before you start talking so smugly, dorogoy (sweetheart). Oh, and can you speed up a little? You know that just this much wouldn't be enough to make me cum."
You weren't going to give her the satisfaction of being able to lead you around like always, especially not after how hard it was to catch her off guard. So you got closer to her face once again as you returned her smirk with your own provoking smirk :"Make you cum?
My dear, have you forgotten how many times you've edged me in the past? Do you honestly think that I would pass on the chance to take a nice and sweet revenge for all the times where you've edged me till I was literally crying?"
Natasha's smile faltered a bit as she furrowed her eyebrows a bit. Edging you was one of her favorite activities. Just seeing you, the big bad villain who nobody could catch, beg and do anything for release was such a turn on for her.
So she knew that if you could take revenge for all the times where she had edged you till you were crying just to fuck you into overstimulation, she wouldn't cum a single time as long as you had her chained up :"So you're planning on edging me?
Do you seriously want to do that? detka (baby), I'm going to give you another chance to open these handcuffs, and I promise that I won't be too rough with you. However, if you continue being a brat, you can forget about being able to walk for a few days after I get out of these damn handcuffs."
Her words caused a shiver to run down your spine. You knew that she meant every word she said. After all, there have been quite a few times where you had to stay at home for days and not go on any heists because of not being able to walk right.
And even though you weren't showing it, this situation had made you quite nervous. Natasha hated being restrained by others. If she actually managed to get out and grab a hold of you, you knew that you were screwed.
However, you weren't going to give in so easily. You smirked down at her with cold sweat on your back as you moved up and down again, causing both of you to moan gently :"Heh, don't try to scare me, Nat. Now that I've got all tied up, there's no way that I'm going to let the chance of getting a little revenge pass."
And you didn't say anything as you started jumping on her big cock without a care in the world. It had been quite a while since you had sex, so you were really horny. Even though you could have sex with someone else while away, you felt like it wouldn't feel right.
Even though there wasn't and had never been a romantic relationship between you and Natasha, sleeping with her had just become so natural that you felt weird when thinking of doing it with other people. You also knew that she hadn't slept with anybody else either.
Probably because she knew how petty you were. Even though you two weren't dating, both of you had become rather possessive of each other. If she had slept with anybody else and you had found out, the number of sex friends you would have wouldn't be just one, not just two, but probably nearly ten or maybe even more… You were rather famous for your pettiness, after all. Anybody who annoyed you, they would find all of their riches gone in a matter of hours or days at most.
As you continued slamming down your big and plump bottom on her, nearing your release more and more, your breathing and pace got messier by each second. Your eyes were shut tight as you continued moaning loudly.
As you got impossibly close to your orgasm, you didn't notice the touch on your hips as Natasha thrusted from below, hitting all of your sweet spots and sending you over the edge as you came on her stomach while panting desperately.
As you continued riding her gently to ride out your orgasm and prolong it, you froze in place when you finally noticed the hands on your hips. Your head shakily moved as you looked down to see Natasha smirking at you with her hands not where they were supposed to be, but on your hips instead :"Having fun up there, detka (baby)?"
You didn't answer as your head shakily moved once again as you glanced over your shoulder to see that her legs were free as well. Natasha chuckled at your nervous and fearful expression as she gently squeezed your hips :"Cat got your tongue, baby boy? Now remember what I told you a little while ago?"
You looked down while trembling from both the aftermath of your long awaited orgasm and nervousness from how screwed you were as you stuttered :"Y-you said that you w-will make it so I won't be able to walk for a few days…"
"Good boy." Natasha's tone got deeper as her hold on your hips got tighter :"And you know that I'm not one to break my promises when it comes to you. So get ready for a good dicking." And that's all she said before your positions were switched.
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Your twitching and trembling form laid on Natasha's body as you panted heavily and breathlessly as she smirked down at you while your poor and abused hole was gaping and leaking cum :"You learned your lesson now? Honestly, I wouldn't mind it if you tied me up. My problem was with how you thought you were in charge. So remember to still know who your mommy is the next time you tie me up, if you can, that is."
As you got some of your energy back, you smiled sadly as you looked away :"There won't be a next time… I'm planning on quitting the life of crime and living a normal life…" and Natasha's heart dropped. The only reason why you two were able to meet each other was because of your occupation.
If you quit being a hero, that means that your game of tag would end. Natasha under you started shaking as she hugged you tighter with a desperate look :"B-but why? Didn't you say that you like your job and how fun it is? Why would you suddenly decide to quit it?"
You sighed as you sank into her hug and embrace :"Yeah, it's certainly fun, but it got boring. There are also quite a few risks in being a villain, like the enemies, the police, the government, and all of those being after your tail."
Natasha was beginning to sweat because of nervousness at this point :"B-but you've said it yourself that you don't have any problem with any of them. And that you're actually proud of it that none of them pose a challenge to you."
You sighed and nodded as you felt her hand hugging you holding you desperately :"Yeah, but I can't always go like this. If I make a single mistake, it's completely game over for me." The silence took over as Natasha's heart sank deeper and deeper into sadness of losing you.
However, she suddenly got confused when you looked up at her with a smile :"So, what do you think about a date?" And silence stayed for some more as the Black Widow who was taken aback by your words looked at you in confusion :"... Huh?"
Causing you to chuckle as you gently rose a bit with great difficulty, but didn't sit down completely as you smiled down at her :"Silly, just because I'm leaving the life of crime, doesn't mean that we won't be able to see each other. Now, we can go on dates like normal people and even start going out if you want."
And that's when Natasha noticed that the saying "Love makes you blind" was completely true. How could she not notice such a simple fact??? Her shocked look immediately turned into a glare when she saw your playful gaze :"You little bastard… You just wanted to mess with me, didn't you?! Why didn't you say that from the get go?!"
You couldn't stop giggling as Natasha hugged you again and pulled you back into her arms and chest before squeezing :"Hahahahaha! How would I know that the famous Black Widow wouldn't actually notice it by herself?"
"Cocky little shit." Natasha rolled her eyes before thinking of something :"Wait, what about your criminal records and such? That's going to be a huge issue." And you shrugged with a smug smirk :"First of all, nobody but you and a few people like Nick Fury and Tony Stark know my identity since I'm pretty careful in hiding it. Second, Fury actually helped me take care of all records that had even a tiny bit of my information in them."
Natasha raised a confused eyebrow as she looked down on you :"And why would Fury of all people decide to help you like that?" Causing you to chuckle :"Well, even though he didn't show much excitement, he said that he was happy that the love of his adopted murder child has finally decided to settle down."
Natasha blushed a little as her face twitched :"You little… Sigh, fine, whatever. All's well that ends well. Now, I should teach you a lesson so you won't try to tease me like that ever again, you little slut."
You gulped nervously as she stood on top of you with an evil smirk :"Y-you can still go…?" Causing her to chuckle :"Oh, detka (baby), not only can I keep going, I'm gonna make it so your hole won't be closing any time soon."
#natasha romanoff x reader#natasha romanoff x male reader#natasha x reader#natasha x y/n#natasha romanoff smut
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Hello #2 here ! Sorry for the late feedback 😅
Your reading resonates a lot and I agree that my main trauma is being unheard, dismissed and it's old too
I've been through many things since my childhood till now and I grew up in a family that see emotions as weakness or expressing it and setting boundaries means that you are picking a fight. I was told to repress it and just move on every time there's something that hurt me or some obstacles in my life. They are also trying to change me as a person because being sensitive, vulnerable, emotional is wrong and they are thinking that I'm too weak emotionally and mentally and that I can survive in this world. So that's why I'm a burning building inside haha
You are right I have been giving so much of energy on so many things but didn't get the same energy back, nothing changes. Whether it's about my family or my illness. Worse part is I thought that I thought I found someone that finally understand me and listen to me but in the end he was thinking like my family and despite trying to make our relationship work for 10 years, he cheated on me.
So yeah you saw it right I'm more guarded now and my standards heightened. I'm an introverted person and only share my feelings to few people that I trust, what he did is a huge betrayal for me
But I agree with you, I need to find the right people for me so I can voice my feelings without fear and finally feeling heard.
Thank you so much for the reading and the advices, I'm really on my healing journey right now focusing on loving and finding myself. It's definitely hard and I'm scared about my future sometimes but I'm still hopeful
Also thank you for your encouraging words ! Wish you the best ❤
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate your effort a lot!!
Being told to refrain from setting boundaries in your childhood can lead to chronic people-pleasing later in life, being told to stay away from sharing any emotions, or expressions can cause a deep wounded fear of vulnerability, so it makes sense that you feel as though your feeling are only internal for you, rather than expressed externally. It’s definitely important that you allow yourself to express how you feel, as long as it’s healthy, expression is cleansing to one’s soul and mind, you deserve to feel those emotions, and you can learn to address them.
I think your main issue is that you attract people who are like your family in order to try and rewrite the past, to make collectives that think like them, see you for who you are. Give yourself more attention than you give others, you have the right to put yourself above other people, as much as they can help you learn, they can hurt you even more. It’s important that you prioritise yourself. You being cheated on is no one’s fault but the person who cheated on you, it might give you some comfort to know that cheaters tend to cheat out of insecurity or lack of control, I can tell that you’re a new thinker, a wild mind and I assume that they felt as though they couldn’t “tame” you, and their insecurities got the better of them, so they resorted to infidelity in order to affirm control once again.
I’m so sorry that you went through that, no one deserves it. Pay attention to your mind and body, listen to what they wan to tell you and need to let you know. Our bodies hold onto so much trauma, and there’s probably so many things that remind you of your ex, therefore your body associates a certain thing with them, try to cleanse yourself of the things that are around you, people too.
Example: you started drinking alcohol at the same time as when you met your ex, alcohol releases endorphins that cause you to feel an intensified sensation, so the “high” that comes from drinking is now associated to your ex, every time you drink, your mind and body are reminded of him. Removing alcohol from your life can help you rewrite the memories that come along with it.
Your ideas, your voice and your mind is so powerful, you deserve to be heard and seen for who you are, and not who people want you to be. Find those who care for you and want to see you thrive.
So glad that I was able to help you with your healing journey, hopefully you’re able to heal from these issues and help yourself get better. Everyone has the right to be happy, so be sure to find what makes you feel amazing, do not suppress who you are out of fear of not being liked.
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Hi!
First of all, i wanna say i love your art and how every tiny little detail tells a huge story and resmble an important thing in your character
Second of all, how did you that?
I am now your little funky student that needs advice on making ocs more interesting
Oooooooh! Well first of all, welcome to class, my funky student! Secondly, the short and lame answer is:
I'm a character designer, it's my job to know how to do that.
The long answer tho...
In my approach to character design (of which, there are many approaches as this subject is individual-based so my way isn't the ONLY way), I tend to focus on a few things in my initial thought process:
What is this character's story? - What's their role in the plot? What's their personality? What's the setting of their story? What are the deets?
What is the medium in which people will be exposed to this character? - Will they see this character in a game? A comic? A dating sim? An animated show? Is this just a design to be posted? Depending on the medium, this will affect how you design the character, in terms of how that design will be conveyed as its used within the medium.
What do I visually associate this character with? - after understanding the character, what do I associate with this character's concept? What comes to mind when I think of them? Do they remind me of something/someone specifically? What's the connection?
What are icons/symbols represent the above associations and how can I incorporate that into my design? - This tends be very important for me because my style is heavily reliant on shapes and dynamic geometry so depending on that, I can squeeze shapes and symbols in to make the character more interesting and more recognizable to people who view those symbols.
Are there any extra details I wanna squeeze and would they make sense with the narrative? - This question is as basic as follows so ask yourself, is there anything I wanna input to make it fun? If so, what is it and how will it make sense?
Has this already been done? - I've been more keen of this question as I've spent more time in the redacted fandom because the base fact is, everyone has drawn a listener and if I wanna be seen, I gotta be able to stand out. In your case, does your character stand out amidst the rest? If so, cool! If not, then depending on your intention with that design, you may wanna revise your design and see how you can freshen it up in a different way with what you've already thought up.
To more properly explain my process, I'll use my poly redacted OC, Carter Wilde • Casanova, since I think it has a very strong design I can use to explain this process!
What is Carter's story? Carter is a character based on the listener traits of Smartass and Non-canon Freelancer in Lasko's BAs. He's a a telepath and a teacher at DAMN who acts as the main character in his own story to resolve the issues in DAMN from the perspective of a new teacher! He's a fiery soul with unorthodox methods that get his lessons across and a bratty streak around Aaron and Lasko.
What's the medium in which people will be seeing Carter? People will mostly be seeing Carter through illustration which allows me to get creative with how I want to present him but in my usual designs, I will often design them in mind to be a part of an animated show or a dating simulator. For Carter, he's designed in mind to be conveyed in a Visual Novel, hence why he's designed from the waist-up and is designed to be conventionally attractive.
What do I visually associate this character with? Carter is based on my writer username, the Bratty Telepath, and shares a last name with Oscar Wilde, an Irish poet/playwright. As such, I associate him with stuff like the mind, the brain, writing, the rebel genius aesthetic, punk culture and queer iconography!
What are some symbols and icons that represent the associations I've listed above? Some elements in Carter's design are based on punctuation marks!* His hair puff is dyed pink and resembles a brain, his nails are painted in both the colours of the pan flag and the recent poly flag, his tie is loosened, suggesting that he may have a more relaxed form than other teachers, he wears a choker which according to BDSM is indicative of him possibly being a sub, his entire outfit suggests he may not be an average teacher. *His tie and one of his earrings = exclamation mark, his hair tie and his other earring = comma/semi-colon, his bindi (on his forehead) and the buttons on his gloves = periods. Additionally, his nails are painted in CMYK which is a colour model used in printers.
Are there any extra details I wanna squeeze and would they make sense with the narrative? The bindi was also a last minute decision for me actually but worked out because Carter is desi and raised closer to his Indian culture and the bindi is believed to be representative of the third eye which also adds to the fact that Carter's a Telepath.
Has this already been done? Not to my knowledge...in this fandom, so I think I'm pretty good on this end.
I hope that gave you an idea of what I was talking about! I love pulling together stuff like this cuz it's really fun pushing things together and forming something seemingly simple but intricate! Hope that helped!
#MLQnA#redacted asmr#redacted audio#redactedverse#redacted fandom#mr. laveau's art gallery#redacted fanart#redacted asmr fanart#redacted audio fanart#character design#redacted oc#redacted smartass#redacted asmr smartass#redacted audio smartass#ask stuff#ask#ask box#thanks for the ask!#DC. My funky student ⭐
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My Magi LGBTQIA+ Headcanons
Ok, I've been working on this list since January. I still probably forgot some. I haven't worked out all my SnB ones yet and about half the Rens. It takes me an inordinate amount of time to sort them out. The only ones I'm really set on are the aspec ones because I'm biased (that's me, I'm AA and proud).
All that to say I may update this list or do a second part. Most likely won't be for a while since I'd want to to add a good chunk before I commit more to the wild.
Also, if you disagree, that's cool. My list though~ I love hearing other people's hcs but I am not up to arguing over mine. I know you guys are chill but to ensure we are on the same page :)
(It's a reasonably long list so all of it is under the read more)
Leila and Sahsa: You can't tell me the manga didn't start off with a lesbian love story with a little shit child playing mediator.
Judar: He very gay.
Aladdin: Genderfluid. I just like the idea of him having everyone constantly guessing as a child of chaos. They're also vying to take that title from Judar. I also can't place who the kid will be interested in but none of his friends are around the same age.
Titus: Trans gay guy.
Yunan: Doesn't really have much attachment to gender. He wouldn't really describe it as a lack of gender yet won't turn down using agender. Gender neutrois also works. Uses any pronouns.
Scheherazade: Cupiosexual. She yearns for being able to have sexual attraction but it just never has occurred for her. After a few decades she had accepted it about herself. The most common form of attraction she feels is alterous attraction (often explained as the space between romantic and platonic attraction).
Hakuryuu: He has messy chemistry with everyone. Bi disaster through and through.
Morgiana: Ace and questioning. She hasn't figured it all out yet but her friends are there to support her. (hi, yes, this is me projecting weeee)
Alibaba: Bisexual and clueless. So if you ask, he won't be able to answer but he also picked up on Sinbad's natural ability to flirt with anybody without trying too hard.
Hakuei: Lesbian
Koumei: Bisexual. I mentioned with the art I made on my own blog that I designed Koumei around the bi colors without realizing it. Nothing in my mind has changed to refute that so that's what I'm still going with. I do think it fits him.
Sphintus: Gay. I can see him being biromantic as well, but mostly into guys.
Sinbad: Pansexual and greyromantic. I won't go into it again more here. He's the best most clueless and suave person ever.
Jafar: Homoromantic demisexual. He likes guys but also without any strong connection to go off of he doesn't really register how people can be attractive.
Drakon: Omnisexual. There's attraction to guys, women, and enbies, all slightly different to each other. Preference for women.
Mystras: Also very gay.
Pisti: Aegoromantic. She gets invested in other people's (mainly her friends') love lives, and loves love stories, but whenever she tries getting into a relationship it never sits right for her. She won't mind an intimate relationship though knows it won't be romantic (after a bit of denial). After my brain came up with this I started projecting like hell and I don't give a fuck XD.
Mu: Mspec of some variety. I don't think he will be bothered by either bi or pan. Queer will work just as well. He will be down for anyone, you know? Going off queer history circles I've seen conversations and jokes that no one in Ancient Rome is monosexual. Mu feels like the person it will apply to the most. I'm going with it.
I joked to myself that the majority on Alma Toran are mspec or aspec. With longer lifespans for humans, a good handful are aspec because of the lack of incentive to have kids or families quickly. I would have posted about it last year during my Alma Toran posting in October and during ace week, but alas. I'm now posting it here lol.
Anyway, my Alma Toran hcs:
Solomon: Demisexual. Hasn't spent time thinking about it because he didn't expect to marry so young. It doesn't bother him though, not that he could explain his sexuality well.
Setta: Aroace. All ice mages are aroace because I said so. (except Judar, dude can have as many guys as he wants)
Isnan: Gay
Falan: Bi. Growing up she didn't have the chance to explore her sexuality. She won't deny it if asked though is perfectly happy in her relationship.
Ugo: Bi and aceflux.
Paimon: Also bi. She flirts too much with Ugo not to be (though I do know some lesbians and non-interested in men peeps who flirt with guys for shits and giggles without much feeling. Poison Ivy being the main lesbian I think of for this).
Arba: Non-sam aro. I tried to figure out her sexuality and I know it's not ace, but it's still too wrapped up in being aromantic. Non-sam is the closest I could figure.
Tess: Demiboy. The idea just burrowed into my head and hasn't left so I'm going with it. He is fine with he/they pronouns, yet the only people allowed to get away with calling him little boy are his parents.
That's all I got. For the moment, at least. If I try to figure everyone out I won't get around to finishing this till pride next year. If ever >>. As I said, I may update the list or post a second part.
Remember to stay chill peeps! & Happy Pride!
#magi#magi labyrinth of magic#magi: the labyrinth of magic#magi headcanons#lgbtq+ headcanons#queer headcanons#hahahaha I'm not listing all the characters#i've been wanting to get this up the last few days shit#disagreements idc you can hc whatever you want#be nice though! :) my anxiety is being unfair per usual#help me prove it wrong!#i finally finished this yayy#legit why is a list so hard to make#and yes i may have overexplained but whatevs
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why are people with such weird opinions attracted to your posts and why do they (seemingly) intentionally misunderstand the point ...
Tankie vrisa is actually from a while ago, i just decided that it's been too long since you guys have seen it. I've also had someone call me anti asian for saying a (white) anime gacha game character looks too young compared to his backstory and personality. Apparently because looking young is a beauty standard in asia and i need to respect that. That person actually came back months later to say im still immature and blocked me again.
This was not on my post, but there was also a child who kept asking who i would call if i was kidnapped with a gun to my head since i (originally op but i joined in) hate cops. Op and i messed with him for a bit until it slipped out that his dad is a cop. Wild day
So yeah these things just happen around me
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who do u consider closer friends out of the GAW?
ahh, well, "close" is relative. GAW is a lot like family, in that there's lots of people in the mix and you don't really know all of them as much (or as little) as you might want to.
mind you, they're also comrades, so I'd step up and fight for any of 'em. Especially the kids. it's a fucked-up world and they need someone in their corner.
last thing: I have, uh. problems. sharing past events. so I'm scared of getting too close to certain people. you know how it is.
aside from that... wait, am I allowed to be specific?
I don't see a problem with it, so long as we make one thing clear: only a few of these characters are original to the MxTape. Everything else is based on my interpretations of existing works, and the original authors always have the final say.
MxTape Originals, aka Steal These OCs
Doreen Gray (alwaysbpositive): Met her because of my delivery work. She needed some ethically-sourced B+, and I knew some queer people with units to spare. Not like Canadian Blood Services wants it! Homophobes. Anyway we've been friendly ever since. She's got two moods: energetic and depressed. I can relate.
meatgerm: I've crashed on this man's couch twice and still don't know his name. Do NOT eat his cooking! He WILL prank you. Really good fiddle player, though.
Tanya Miller (twilight_tone): Extremely close! We are partners! Sometimes we even dream together.
Louis (WHEREISMYHOG): never met IRL but he's got some wild stories and a solid understanding of magical theory.
Penelope Gore (whistl_stahp): yo we've talked about this.
MxTape Guests, aka Upcoming Attractions
Desmond Callaghan (gothicalfallacy): really, really cool! Hand member. Fellow Jojo appreciator. Probably the only person I know who understands theory better than WHEREISMYHOG. Go-to-guy for questions. Too bad he's only available, like, half the time.
Judith Feingold (thisisstupid12345): Desmond's sister; also a Hand member. Barely involved with GAW, but she kept logging into her brother's account and bones said that was against the rules, so here we are. Not magical, but very, very keen on guns, so she mostly talks with _FuddruckeR_.
GAW Members, aka "Janitors call us PoIs"
bones: we got to talking after the whole "terrestrial years" thing, and as it turns out... it's not doing a bit! an actual alien satellite. That sorta blew my mind. bones is a bit short and perfunctory sometimes but I think it's just doing the absolute best it can with people it doesn't entirely understand, which... same, tbh?
acuterobot: adorable. following her tumblr blog got me in some trouble, but I don't hold that against her.
polaricecraps: ehhh complicated. I see a lot of myself in PIC, but he's smarter than I was at his age and that cuts both ways. He's in it for the right reasons but speaking from experience, that's a great way to shoot yourself in the foot. He also lost my fucking TAPE but I puked in his van a while back so we're calling it even.
Andressa (gaycopmp4) and Dahlia (hetcopogg): literally the cutest couple I've ever seen. Fierce, passionate, committed to justice... and, uh, their kid? pretty sure Heather (Ms. Mad About Video Games) counts as their daughter. I send them tons of care packages with how-to books and chill retro games.
Armand (harmpit): extremely funny, lots of cool tricks, really difficult to understand in conversation. Marginally easier in text.
kkrule and kektagon: drive me ABSOLUTELY FUCKING INSANE. They're basking in the low-grade background radiation of the Internet and they're going to get emotional cancer. I've been there and I desperately want to help steer them out of it but GOD DAMN they are insufferable.
opossum: even worse. Probably the single most abrasive person I've ever met. Always arguing. Banned multiple times but never perma'd.
FreakyGhostBed: doesn't get out much, so I installed a media server in his family's basement so he can keep busy while they're asleep. we've hung out a few times since then. we mostly talk about movies.
_FuddruckeR_ and orbhorse: live and work on a ranch in the Southern States. Fantastic hosts, so long as you can tolerate Fudd plinking at targets all day.
CommunismAnarchismNihilism: incredible source for zines and materiel, a decent percentage of which have some kind of juice to them. We trade stuff. we also argue a lot (politics) but that's all in good fun (I think?)
fallout_meta.txt: escaped some real nasty characters to become a better person. I respect that, and I respect their top-tier opsec, because I don't know a single thing about them besides what's necessary.
FunkoPopFan1: not very active in the chat (super shy), but extremely resourceful, good at manipulating plastics, and passionate about her hobbies. Sadly one of those hobbies is collecting funko pops.
tabris, hybridRainbow, starspark, chokerless and bluefootedboobies: I would ride or die for all these kids.
And finally, The Big Three.
Esther Kogan (lesbian_gengar): friendly in the chat but we haven't met in person, bc she has deep ties in Three Ports and maybe she heard something about my fuckup back in 2008. On the other hand... remember what I said about having a type? The type who could kick my ass? Well, LG could definitely do that. In fact she could probably fry my brain. Yow!
JJ (jockjamsvol6): this dude defies description. I mean yes, he's hot, and he's chill, but the second he walks into a room... you know you're in for some shit. JJ is always EXACTLY where he's supposed to be, and as a genre-savvy person, that is TERRIFYING, because the narrative flows AROUND HIM. It's like watching someone waltz through a hurricane; it's cool, but not super safe for whoever stands around gawking.
And lastly... Jude Kriyot (bluntfiend). The man, the myth, the legend. The guy who walked away from AWCY and lived to tell the tale. (Or lie about it, at least.)
This is where things get really difficult for me, cuz... well, I'm an anarchist. The idea of following any one guy doesn't appeal to me. BUT! there is no GAW without Jude, and once you meet him, you can understand why. He's got something special. Not confidence or charisma or whatever (he's actually a clumsy dork), but heart and integrity, for sure. He believes in humanity. He believes in something good, and when you're hanging out, you want to believe in it too.
That said, he's also a fucking mess. I'm not judging (I'm a mess too), but on some level, I like to think I'm getting my shit together. Jude is more like... uh, a shonen protagonist between story arcs. You know? He just sorta stews in his own funk. Depressed. Off in his own little world. Like Johnny Joestar, before meeting Gyro. There's only one person who can reliably shake him out of it, and... well, it's not me.
I admire Jude. I really do. I want to trust him with my secrets, but I can't, because he doesn't trust me with his. That's... fair. Trust is hard to earn. It's easier to lie. But when the chips are down, I've got Jude's back. I hope he'd do the same for me.
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Interview with Grim Kennet
name ➔
"Grim Kennet."
are you single ➔
"I'm a Jedi."
"Is that a yes or a no?"
"It's complicated."
are you happy ➔
"Sometimes. I try to be, but there are things that linger in my mind that make it hard for that happiness to last. One day I will be happy like I once was again."
are you angry ➔
"A Jedi is not to dwell on their anger. But sometimes I am. Is that not normal? We are all angry sometimes, but my anger comes and goes like my happiness. Like all my emotions."
are your parents still married ➔
"....I don't know. It's been a long time since I've seen or heard from them."
"How come? Is it because you're a Jedi and they don't allow contact with your family?"
"No, it is not because of that. It's a very complicated situation. Can we get to the next question?"
"How is it complicated?"
"Next question."
NINE FACTS
birthplace ➔
"Ah, that's complicated. I'd rather not talk about it."
"How is your birthplace complicated?"
"Next question please."
hair color ➔
"Blonde."
eye color ➔
"Green."
birthday ➔
"..."
"I don't know."
"How do you not know your own birthday?"
"Time is an illusion. Next?"
mood ➔
"Tired."
gender ➔
"Female."
summer or winter ➔
"Summer."
morning or afternoon ➔
"Mornings are nice."
EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
"I'm a Jedi, so I hope this is to refer to more platonic. We aren't supposed to form attachments."
are you in love ➔
"....No."
"You hesitated."
"Next!"
do you believe in love at first sight ➔
"Perhaps."
"You're dodging the question."
"And if I am?"
who ended your last relationship ➔
"...Next question please."
have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔
"I hope I haven't."
are you afraid of commitments ➔
"I am committed to the Jedi Order."
"That's not what I meant."
"I know it is not, but I gave you an answer, didn't I?"
have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔
"Of course! I enjoy hugging people!"
have you ever had a secret admirer ➔
"As far as I'm aware, no. But it is called secret for a reason."
have you ever broken your own heart? ➔
"...yes."
SIX CHOICES
love or lust ➔
"Strange question, but love of course."
lemonade or iced tea ➔
"Iced tea."
cats or dogs ➔
"Both."
"You have to choose."
"I choose both."
a few best friends or many regular friends ➔
"A few best friends."
wild night out or romantic night in ➔
"Can the night in be non-romantic? Because if so then that."
"It has romantic-"
"Next."
day or night ➔
"Night. I enjoy looking at the stars...sometimes I think I can see my homeworld..."
"What do you mean?"
"...next."
FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS
been caught sneaking out ➔
"Never sneaking out, but I have been caught sneaking back in."
"What had you done?"
"..next."
"You avoid a lot of questions."
"I said next, please."
fallen down/up the stairs ➔
"Perhaps."
"So you have?"
"I said perhaps."
"Yes or no, have you fallen down the stairs?"
"Perhaps."
"That isn't a choice."
"There are more choices than what is always presented to you."
"Grim, please answer the question."
"Perhaps I have, perhaps I haven't."
"You Jedi can be really annoying sometimes."
"Thank you."
wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔
"Perhaps."
"Stop saying that."
"But it is an answer to your question."
wanted to disappear ➔
"If you say perhaps again-"
"Perhaps I may have wanted to disappear, but perhaps I haven't."
"Damn it."
"These questions are getting very personal and I will not give you every answer you want for them. You will have to accept the perhaps-es."
FOUR PREFERENCES
smile or eyes ➔
"Smiles."
shorter or taller ➔
"Wait a minute is this about romance again?"
"Uh"
"Next."
intelligence or attraction ➔
"It is! Next!"
hook-up or relationship ➔
"I am a teenager, what the fu-kark?"
"Um, next then?"
"Next."
FAMILY
"FINALLY!"
do you and your family get along ➔
"My family is the Jedi Order along with the clone troopers. I would like to say for the most part we get along."
would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔
"I am a teenager fighting in a war. I have fought in battles, I have seen people die. I have led people to their deaths even when trying to save as many lives as possible. I have been tortured. I have battle scars. I am only sixteen. Tell me, would you define that as 'messed up'?"
"Good point. Is there a reason the Jedi forced you to fight so young?"
"The Jedi? Ha! You think it was the Jedi? It was the Senate and the Chancellor. They're the reasons Padawans hold the rank of Commanders. If it were up to the Jedi, there would be a lot less Padawans in battle, but the Jedi lost their voice in this war long ago."
have you ever ran away from home ➔
"My home is the Jedi Temple. I have not run from it. I doubt I ever would. I hope I will never need to."
"Why would you need to?"
"..."
"Let's move on."
have you ever gotten kicked out ➔
"No."
FRIENDS
do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔
"Can I elect to not answer this question?"
"So you do?"
"I never said I did."
do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔
"Most of them."
"Is the friend you secretly hate one you don't consider a good friend?"
"I never said there is a friend I secretly hate. Besides Jedi do not hate."
who is your best friend ➔
"Master Kenobi, either him or Commander Cody."
"I thought you said the Jedi and clones were family?"
"Can they not be both?"
who knows everything about you ➔
"I'd rather not answer this question. It's dangerous."
"How would it be dangerous? You're a Padawan, I doubt you would have enemies."
"You'd be surprised about what you don't know about people."
"Who could you have possibly made enemies with?"
"I'm electing not to respond."
"Well, this is the final question."
"Then I believe we are done."
"Yes, we are. Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions."
"You're welcome."
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i have gotten an uncontrollable amount of attention my entire life and any attempt to redirect the energy or take control of the narrative or regain some type of power over what is ultimately out of my hands has proven to be more fuel to a fire that provides me no warmth. i have been on some level, namely locally, famous since i was born. everyone can identify me when i walk into a room. if you've seen me once you remember me for the rest of your life. it's a blessing and a curse and a curse and a curse that i've very much attempted to transmute back into a blessing in various ways over the years. the fact of the matter is no matter what kind of tribe i find that has similar interests or talents or ways of attracting attention, it is a very solidary lifestyle that very few people if any at all have ever been able to really relate to. and this is no one's fault. this is like a very specific niche thing i have dealt with my entire life. my wins don't count because of who i am and i am not allowed to celebrate too loudly because if i am prideful or opinionated or honest i am automatically boastful and conceited and i must think i'm better than everyone else. people forget that i've spent far more of my life being unable to walk past the front door than being able to stand front and center to face the onlookers directly. i think i have had to live this life for so long i've had no choice but to do it as fearlessly as possible to the point where it's a little too convincing, because i'd rather be scary than scared and i'd rather seem fearsome than fearful, and now i am an enigma that is unapproachable and reproachful all at once. i am defaulted into this mystery personality designed from rumors engineered by people who don't even necessarily interact with me but choose to fill in the blanks as they see fit. it's been nearly forty years of this, in many different rooms and many different groups of people. you get used to the revolving door of social circles and the weird reactions to any level of success that arrives without the exhaustive politicing involved or traditional roads most people take to get there. i am not most people. it's something i was forced to accept and embrace at an early age and am still penalized for on a regular basis. i really need you to understand that whatever level of personal you are taking my approach to weaving in and out of social scenes is not as serious as it may feel, and that i am notoriously unreachable and self-protective to a degree most people find inconceivable. i have a very limited capacity for energetic exchanges and when i do i prefer it to be as light and fun as possible, and even then, i get pooped! i am bigfoot i come out three times a year and you either got to be one of the few that were around to tell the tale or you heard about it from someone who knows someone who knows someone that saw it happen. i spend my life in a glass case on display where people mostly pretend not to look, both online and off, and there has been a wild amount of time devoted to discussing me by people i've never had a single conversation with. i'm sorry if i'm a smidge untrusting! i can hear tones and read expressions and am well aware of what is happening between the lines. i don't squint at a gaslight, i just look directly through and try to remember we are all very broken people who are different levels of damaged that made us treat each other this way, and i walk away trying to continue evolving from there.
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The Endless Summer (2/?)
(gif: @beccs) (PART ONE) (SERIES MASTERLIST)
Summary: A day out on the water goes awry and puts JJ, John B, and Y/N in danger. With tensions rising and the stakes higher than ever, JJ finds it difficult to control his feelings.
Word Count: 9.1k
Warnings: Angst, implied sexual content, strong language, graphic violence, and JJ being an emotionally confused asshat.
A/N: Welcome back! Thanks for the love on this series, I’m so glad you guys like it and I hope this part is just as good. Things get a little heated in this chapter, so buckle up. Let me know if you enjoyed this. Have fun!
JJ isn't sure why she did it.
He wasn't sure then and he isn't sure now, but he knows one thing for certain: there isn't any going back to how things once were now that the barrier between them came crashing down.
Sweat drips off of his skin from the relentless heat of the Caribbean that has made their recent lives hell with the painful tinge of sunburn atop their tans and heat exhaustion they must be careful to avoid at all costs. They were educated on both topics by Pope, their godsend of a survival encyclopedia in human form, who advised them to spend most of their day outside of necessary tasks like fishing and constructing stable shelter under the shady cover of the treetops.
The sole reason he and John B aren't hiding in the safety of the shade is that it's their day to fish, but he's not thinking about the sun. In fact, neither of them is. They're both wondering where their third fishing buddy is.
It took roughly ten minutes of spearfishing with him in comfortable silence for JJ to finally break and spill his guts about what happened last night. Though there was an unspoken agreement to never tell anyone that their hatred has turned into desire, he couldn't help it. He was going mad trying to unravel it in his head.
After all, he already had a conversation with JB about the recent shift in their behavior with each other by the ocean last night, so it seems fitting to pick up where they left off with the calm and clear blue water in front of them again.
He walks on the jagged outcropping of rock that serves as their perch to observe the fish without disturbing the pattern of the current they swim through with John B closely behind.
"One second she's pissed at me, the next she's all over me. It makes no sense. Then, she didn’t say anything to me after it happened," JJ says with his face hardened into a look of concentration at the fish he squints against the sun to aim at, "Not even "Fuck you, Maybank" or one of her weirdly creative threats. She just sat there all night and talked to everyone but me."
His gaze slips away from the water as his chosen fish disappears from sight before he can bother to throw the spear, eyeing up his friend's reaction to the news.
John B doesn't seem that surprised by it, because who else, aside from everyone else in Kildare who knows of their "hatred" for one another, could've seen it coming as much as he did? He considers it for a second, then props his arm up on the handle side of the spear he digs into the rock to lean against.
"I'm pretty sure that means she likes you."
JJ retorts, "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard you say."
Why would anyone ignore a person they like? It makes no sense to him. Every time he wanted a person, he'd simply walk over and make it happen. It's never been difficult for him to pursue the people he finds himself attracted to...Well, except for her. For a guy that also ignored her for the rest of the night and pretended their moment in the woods didn't happen, he has some balls of steel to be chastising her for the same things he did.
John B shrugs and says, "I'm being serious, dude. Sarah wouldn't even acknowledge my existence when I worked on the Druthers, and I thought it was some stuck-up rich person thing but it wasn't."
They shouldn't be talking at all right now as to not scare away the fish, but they do it anyway. They both know he won't let it go until it's out of his system for good. He wouldn't allow himself to forget it if he wanted to, so its better to talk it out than turn stir crazy from ruminating over it 24/7.
Though it's, as he worded it yesterday, hot as balls out, being by the sea lessens the feeling of it by a landslide.
The breeze they crave whenever they work on their huts or forage through the forest for wild berries, coconuts, or potential building supplies blows on them without pause for the time they spend here, which almost makes it more dangerous. They stand under the direct harm of the UV rays frying them without truly feeling it burn yet, and he dreads the next few days in anticipation of the returning sunburn he just peeled off of his shoulders the other day.
JJ walks down the side to get a better view of the water, balancing precariously on the sharpened edge with the spear clenched tightly in one hand. The breeze is strong enough to threaten his balance, but he holds firm and digs his toes into the sedimentary rock for traction. His body sways in the midday sun with the struggle for stability, or, at least he suspects its midday.
Since being stranded here, time is a foreign concept to them. With no phones, clocks, or any guide to go off of other that the position of the sun above to display the hours that pass, they've lost complete track of what day it is, let alone how long minutes or hours truly are in comparison to the endless summer they live within. They suspect it's been a month since they were left here, but, in all honesty, it could be two. None of them had the sense to mark the days in a tally until it was too late.
He says, lifting his arm to throw the spear, "Well, she is a stuck up rich person, so maybe it's just—"
"You know I'm right here, don't you?"
The sound of her voice from a few feet behind them startles JJ into turning around to look at her right when he lets go of the spear.
Unfortunately for him, the jerking movement throws off his carefully distributed weight and skews his balance, making the feet placed on the edge slip from underneath him and send him slipping down into the water. His calf is the first body part to hit the rocks, and the groan of pain he lets out at the feeling of the jagged rock slicing through his skin could make her heart stop mid-beat. But what truly scares her is seeing the back of his head hit the ground too.
Before he can slide the rest of the way into the water, two pairs of hands are grabbing onto his arms and heaving him up with all of their strength. She and John B grit their teeth with the effort it takes to pull him back up, their muscles burning from the strain, and once his feet are over the ledge, he pushes off the rock to help them the rest of the way. Drops of his blood disperse into the water off the edge from where he cut himself, dripping until there's hardly any left.
Once he's safely laid back down a few feet from where he slipped, Y/N is kneeling in front of him in a matter of seconds. The rock beneath her knees opens small cuts into her skin, but she doesn't pay it any heed. She sits on her heels to lessen the minor pain and lean forward to inspect the damage he took with nothing on her mind other than worry.
Soon enough, John B joins her to kneel at his feet as he sits up and watches them eye up his injury as though it’s some sort of ghastly, life threatening thing instead of a gash that won't need stitches. He watches them against the glittering ocean, waves washing up on the rocks around them to sting his wound with saltwater.
"It's a scratch, not an amputation," JJ says.
She ignores him with a frown lining her pretty features and twists his leg by the ankle to get a better view of the wound in the sunlight. It extends up the entire length of his calf, almost from ankle to knee, and dribbles fresh blood onto her hands as well as the ground beneath them. From what he can tell, it doesn't look all too severe. No muscle or bone can be seen, so it's a simple, superficial scratch.
When he doesn't get a response from either her or John B while they're too busy checking out his leg, he says again, "Guys, I'm serious, it's fine."
This time, she doesn't hesitate to answer.
"Yeah, well you may not need stitches but you still have infection to worry about. This wilderness isn't exactly the cleanliest place," she says retorts with as much snark as usual, and he quietly rejoices in the fact that she's finally acting normal after what happened last night, "Not to mention, you hit your head pretty hard. There's no need to act all tough."
He shrugs.
"It's not an act, it really doesn't hurt that bad."
John B stands and smears the blood on his hands off on the front of his shorts.
"I'll be right back, guys, I'm gonna go get stuff to patch him up."
Just like that, they are left plunging into silence as he is running away down the peninsula back to the beach they've claimed as their own.
Silence has always been her least favorite thing to share with JJ. She'd rather anything over it—screaming, fighting, joking, friendly conversation, or even what they did together yesterday night. Anything is preferable over the tense and insufferable feeling of silence when they're alone together with none of their friends, or their playful hatred, between them as a barrier between them.
Instead of seeing the same pestering jerk she always used to when she looks at him, she sees the memory of how he looked at her in the woods. He didn't look at her like she was the worst person to ever walk the planet, or like she was his least favorite Kook "Princess", he looked at her like she meant something to him.
They sit together in uncomfortable silence in the time it takes John B to rush to the beach and back, careful not to slip on the rocks the way JJ did, with the supplies from the dinghy in his arms. It isn't much to work with, but at least it's something to keep the nasty wound on his leg protected from dirt and germs. She's sure he'd leave it uncovered and up to fate if he had it his way.
Before he can set them down on the wet rocks, thus ruining the gauze and bandages in craters filled with ocean water, she gestures at JJ with a stern command, "Take off your shirt."
His brows raise.
"Shit, Princess, take me out to dinner first."
She groans in frustration, "Can you be quiet for a second and actually listen to me for once?"
He catches John B's gaze with wide eyes, but complies nonetheless, reaching down to tug the tank off of his torso by the frayed hem until it's balled up in his closed fist to hand off to her. Her eyes only linger on his body for a quick second on accident before snatching it from him.
Her bloodstained palms lay the shirt out on the flattest stretch of rock she can find to act as a barrier from the small puddles of water to protect the supplies. One nod at John B has him setting them down atop the navy fabric as she glances up at JJ with a smug smile.
"Believe it or not," she taunts, unscrewing the cap to the disinfectant, "I didn't ask for it so you could sit there and look pretty."
The words throw him back in time to their conversation on the beach while they thatched the roof to their hut, and he wonders how long she's been waiting to throw that back in his face since he first said it.
He grins at her as he asks, "You think I'm pretty?" but before he can say more, she's pouring a generous amount of the hydrogen peroxide along the length of his cut without a warning for him to prepare himself. His leg jerks away on instinct to save himself from the burning sensation, but she grips his ankle tightly enough to force him to stay still.
His nose scrunches up with the urge to groan in pain, and he does a little. Through grinding teeth, he winces in response to the peroxide slipping into every cell of open skin and bubbling up like the white water of the waves as it kills the bacteria lingering in the gash.
"Does it hurt now?" Y/N asks.
She's looking up at him through her lashes with her lips curled into a smirk as she packs gauze onto the wound until it's covered to her satisfaction. And it should be the last thing he's thinking about right now after cutting up his leg and hitting his head hard enough to worry her about concussions, but he can't help it. Looking down at her like this, it's impossible for him to not think about the unfinished business they have.
Everything is the same as it was yesterday—the tattered white top, the red panties in place of a bikini, sunburnt cheeks, and a taunting look that he'll never get tired of seeing. But that's precisely why he's reminded of it. She's wearing the same clothes and looking at him the way she did on the beach before any of last night's antics occurred, and he can't keep himself from wondering if it'll happen again.
"Yeah," he finally responds.
Her smirk grows for a second before she gets back to work.
"Good."
JJ subtly eyes her up from where she shifts on her knees to set the open gauze wrappers under the peroxide bottle in exchange for the bandage wrap, but he isn't as subtle as he thinks. She can feel his stare no matter how sneaky he attempts to be. He may be able to evade John B's attention, since he dove into the ocean to retrieve the wooden spear that began to float out in the tide, but she never misses a thing. Not when it comes to him.
When he looks at her, he finds memories.
Her legs folded up beneath her bring him back to how smooth they felt on his palms when he lifted them up around his hips. Her rosy lips pressing into a line in concentration bring him back to the coconut flavor he tasted on them. Her nipples poking against the fabric of her shirt bring him back to when he lifted it up over her breasts to suck at the sensitive skin until he got a moan from her—There isn't a place he can stare without going back to last night.
Part of him hates that.
He can't stand that a girl who he spent the last five years hating has found a way into his daydreams. Why couldn't it have been anyone else? Why did she have to lure him into her trap? He supposes there's nothing he can do about it now, though. After hours of stewing over it, he's reached the conclusion that it was likely a one-time thing, a mistake made in the heat of the moment that she won't make again, and he should get the idea of it out of his head.
When she has to adjust her grip to hold the gauze in place while she wraps the bandage around his leg, he sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth and jerks away again. She glances up at him with her best, "Are you kidding me?" face. Didn't he say he was tough?
"I'm starting to think you're a sadist, 'cause it's like you're trying to make it hurt," he says.
She gasps, feigning offense.
"Me? Enjoying this? It's not like we've hated each other for years or anything."
And though he may not realize it, this is her way of distracting him from the pain of having her apply added pressure to his cut while she wraps the bandage into place. It has to be tight enough to keep water and sand out, but not so tight that it cuts off circulation, and while it may have been tolerable without her touching it, the contact is enough to make it worse for him.
He asks, "Uh, speaking of, why are you the one doing this? Isn't it some kind of HIPAA thing to treat patients you've threatened to violate with tree branches before?"
The sound of her laughter makes his stomach flutter with butterflies, and he wonders what the hell is wrong with him.
"That's not what HIPAA is, genius"—her eyes crinkle at the sides with her wide smile while she wraps his leg—"and I'm the one doing this because I know way more medical shit than the rest of you."
Even Pope.
"Ohhh right, I forgot. Your dad is this hotshot surgeon and that makes you think you know everything," he taunts.
The casual mention of her father makes her chest ache with something not many of the Pogues, excluding Pope, have felt since being stranded on this island. With their parents either disowning them, absent, abusive, or dead, they have no reason to resist the allure of living here for the months or years it may take to be rescued, but she does.
She misses him.
For the longest time since her mom died, it was her and her dad versus the world. In everything they did, they did it together, and before she met Sarah, he was the closest she had to a best friend. Since they had no other family to help watch her as a child, she grew up in the hospital with him, drawing with crayons on his office’s printer paper with her babysitter and picking up small things along the way from watching him for so long.
He could've chosen to leave her at home, sure, but he didn't want to miss out on seeing her more than he already did, so she spent the majority of her childhood in offices, waiting rooms, and the indoor playground of the PEDs wing.
She takes a deep breath to steady herself after the sucker punch of being reminded of her dad and says, "Well, I know enough and, thankfully for you, I'm the one doing this instead of John B."
From far away, twenty or so feet offshore where their friend is paddling through the water with the lost spear held in one hand, they hear John B shouting an offended, "I heard that!" back at her. It draws a soft chuckle from them both, and she silently thanks him for distracting JJ one last time as she finishes and secures the bandage so it won't unravel.
She wipes her hands off on her water-soaked thighs one more time to get as much of his blood off of her fingers as possible before she reaches out with both arms extended to offer him help to stand. He takes them with a murmured, "Thanks," as they both try not to show how affected they are by the casual touch.
It makes them feel pathetic that something as small as holding each other's hands makes them remember what they did and desperately wish to continue it. Her throat bobs with how she must swallow the lump in her throat at their close proximity, barely breathing now that he's standing close to her with less than a few inches between them.
For a second, they don't move away. They stay face to face, and all she can think of is how badly she wants to kiss him again. But she can't do anything yet, not when she hears someone screaming from the water.
"There's a shark!" John B screams as he paddles back faster than he's ever swam in his life, already close enough to the peninsula that they can see the terror in his eyes when they turn to look.
Surely enough, there a tip of a fin too pointed to pass off as a dolphin cutting through the surface of the water to alert them of the fish's presence, but if that weren't enough, the water is clear enough for them to see its outline.
Thankfully for him, it isn't huge. It looks about as long as he is tall, but that doesn't change the degree of danger. Just because it isn't as big as other sharks doesn't make a bite any less lethal, especially when their only form of medical attention rests on her knowledgeable yet inexperienced shoulders.
For once in his life, JJ is frozen with no clue of what to do.
He's always the man with the plan, the one who jumps into action when others choke up and sit on the sidelines, but this makes him falter. What can he do to help other than stand here and pray John B can out-swim a shark? He's helpless, and now that he's faced with the prospect of losing his best friend for a second time, he doesn't know what to do.
It was his blood in the water that must have attracted the shark, and he was so caught up in his own drama with her and the pain of his cut that he didn't consider the danger of John B jumping in to retrieve the spear he dropped. It's his fault. His best friend is about to be eaten by a shark and it's his fault—
The blurred image of her rushing past in his peripheral vision rips him from his stormy thoughts, and right when he thought it couldn't get worse, it does. Water splashes up around her body and swallows her under the surface after she leaps off the edge of the rock with the aluminum spear from the dinghy raised in her dominant arm.
"Y/N!"
Before he even realizes what he's doing, JJ is screaming out her name, screaming it like he cares, and damns the consequences to dive in after her.
While he was frozen, she sprung into action without thinking of her own life first. She knew he was close to the rock, but not close enough to swim faster than a predator designed for the conditions of the ocean. It took one glance at the spear resting to the side for her to lean down, scoop it up, and get a running start to jump out as far as humanly possible. Various joints and muscles ached from how she strained to push herself far off the rock, taking flight with nothing but their survival in mind.
She sucks in a heaving breath upon breaking the surface, but she doesn't take a second to pause with John B paddling up to her so soon.
"Go back!"
The only answer she gives him is, "Use your spear!" before she brings hers out of the water in anticipation of the grey figure bolting straight for them.
It's a stupid plan, but it's the only one she has, and if one of them is in danger, they'd all risk everything they have to protect them. After all, they're already trapped here with the threat of death every day. Is there anything more worthy of dying for than your friends?
Neither of them is necessarily trying to kill it yet either, they're trying to keep it at a safe distance or hurt it enough so it swims away from them, but she puts all of her strength into spearing the fish between the eyes anyway. Her legs kick tirelessly to keep her afloat while she and John B stab as accurately as they can, choking down a mouthful of salty ocean water from how her head sinks at the surface without the help of her arms to keep her up.
Blood stains the water with a crimson hue spreading out around their bodies—whether it's theirs or the shark's, she doesn't know—and she must keep her lips clamped shut to prevent it from spilling into her mouth, breathing solely through her nose. She can tell her legs are soon to give out on her, but then a pair of hands latch onto her body. Call her irrational or stupid, but even with the clear distinction of human hands on her waist, her mind reacts in instinctual fear.
The touch makes her jolt mid-stab and sobers her feral mind back to reality for a moment until she realizes it's a human touching her, not the shark.
It's JJ.
His arms wrap around her thighs and hoist her up out of the water as much as he can while still swimming, effectively pushing himself underwater with one last gasp for air.
The sudden shift in view has her gaze shifting around to take in the new sights with a gush of red water rushing off of her onto the splashing surface: a light grey tail whips around in the chaos, the shark's head oozes blood from the multiple puncture wounds that didn't push quite deep enough, and its jaws snap right where John B's arm is before he yanks it back.
After a fraction of a second, it clicks with her that there's no time to waste watching her friend almost get his arm chomped off while she takes in the unbelievable sight. Her slippery grip on the handle remains as firm as possible, and she raises the spear over her head with an improved accuracy she never could've had from where she previously aimed it before. All of their shots landed well enough, but with the height advantage, she won't allow herself to fuck it up this time with her friend's life hanging in the balance.
She hardly recognizes her own frantic voice shouting at him, "Spear it in the gills!"
Her hands bring the razor-sharp tip of the spear down into its head repeatedly, and she isn't sure whether it's the splashing water or tears wetting her face when she buries the weapon down into it for a final time right when John B lodges his wooden spear in its gills.
Whatever she did, it must've hit its brain, because the animal halts its thrashing. Its teeth no longer snap at her friend, nor does its tail whip around in the water as violently as it did a moment ago.
As quickly as it started, it drops off into a sickening calm that leaves the white bubbles dissolving into a puddle of bloody water surrounding the trio and the fish that dies with no small amount of guilt on her part. There was no choice but to kill it. It makes her ache on the inside, but how could she regret it if she knows it saved them? The guilt might ravage her for the upcoming days, but she can't bring herself to regret jumping in after him.
She hardly has the chance to process it before she's being pulled away by both of the boys, her view of the scene shifting drastically once more with the abrupt drop of JJ letting her down in favor of guiding her through the gentle waves. His calloused hand squeezes her arm enough to cut circulation off on their journey back.
Time rushes past her in the next thirty seconds or so it takes them to reach the peninsula again in a paranoid sprint away from where the dead fish floats. One of them, John B she thinks, tosses the aluminum spear he dislodged from the shark's head up onto the rocks and clambers his way back up on his own. The waves closer to land grow rougher than the tender current out where they killed the shark, and she grunts in pain as one sends her and JJ straight into the rocks. His body hits her back with a solid ‘thump’ and forces her to wheeze with the wind getting knocked from her lungs upon impact, nails cracking on the black rock from the desperate grip she uses in an attempt to lift herself.
Meanwhile, JJ can't seem to catch his breath either, nor can he think of anything other than her once he sees that John B isn’t injured.
As soon as he sees his friend is unmarked from the teeth of the shark after he's out of the water, he positions himself behind Y/N to help her out first. He places his hands on her backside to push her up as quickly as he can. Knowing that the carcass in the water will soon attract more sharks in the surrounding area into a feeding frenzy, he'd rather it be him than her. It's a thought that shoots by too fast for him to fully acknowledge the meaning or weight of it at a time like this.
Somehow within his adrenaline-crazed mind, he is careful not to push her onto the jagged edge that sliced his leg open earlier, then climbs after her with little space left between them.
She's coughing up saltwater onto the rocks as he scrambles over to her, eyes wild with the petrifying worry of anything bad happening to her. They scan over her arms, legs, stomach, and back, and he doesn't even realize his hands are reaching out to inspect her as frantically as she had with him when he got hurt.
His hands cup her face, petting over her dripping hair and forcing her to look up so he can see if she somehow got hit in the face. Never has his mind been so void of rational thought, and, knowing him and his impulsive tendencies, that's saying a lot. The confusion of his contradictory feelings for her muddle his mind. Worry and hatred, attraction and anger—they battle it out, but only two manage to reach him externally.
Worry and anger it is. Worry for obvious reasons. Anger because—
"What the fuck were you thinking?"
She has never heard him sound so vicious since the start of whatever odd relationship/friendship/enemy-ship they have. With his worried expression and how he checked her entire body for injury after helping her out of the water, the last thing she would've anticipated from him was anger. Especially not after she saved his best friend's life. Considering what she just did for him, she thinks he should be thanking her, not chastising her.
Behind her back, she can hear a collection of yelling voices and splashing footsteps over the water dripping from them. It can only be the rest of their friends racing up the peninsula to them, but she can't turn around.
She stares at him with utter confusion flooding her at his unexpected outburst. Speechless.
"What was I thinking?" she asks incredulously with her face still cradled between his hands, "I was saving John B's life!"
Their emotional distance and disagreement are made up for in abundance by how physically entangled they've become. It wasn't intentional. It was a result of him needing to get close enough to scour her exposed skin for any bites, but now that they're sitting so near to each other, they forget to back away.
John B is too busy to engage with them.
He's doubled over on the ground with the compulsion to vomit the contents of his stomach into the ocean, but he doesn't dare get close to the edge again after what they went through. Instead, he positions himself away from them and their approaching friends until the half-digested food is forced back through his mouth. The acidic bile scorches his throat and nostrils on the way out.
JJ doesn't have the opportunity to retort back something about her being stupid, because Pope is the first person to reach them and ask, "What the hell happened?"
The rest of the group isn't far behind. It's Kie who asks the next question, then Sarah, then Cleo. They all pop off in rapid succession before either of the three of them can answer.
"Are any of you hurt?"
"Why is he throwing up?"
"Is that a shark?"
The last question draws everyone's attention over to the half-sunken mass of fish bobbing up and down on the breaths of the sea with a wooden spear sticking straight out of its gills. Though it isn't the biggest, most intimidating shark to roam the ocean, its presence doesn't fail to make everyone who looks at it shudder with the realization of what must have happened.
John B wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and points over at her with his trembling arm outstretched.
"She killed it."
The four of them whip their heads in her direction, jaws nearly falling off their faces in disbelief, but she doesn't say anything yet. Because as soon as they feel the eyes of their friends burning into them, she and JJ realize, as though they're returning to reality from the hazy layers of a dreamscape, that they're still holding each other.
She's slumped halfway onto him from when he hauled her body closer to inspect her, so she's essentially sitting on top of him at this point. Her legs, bruised and scratched up from when the waves crested to send them crashing into the rocks, are entangled around his enough that they look back and forth between them and where his hands cup her face in surprise.
JJ doesn't know what came over him.
Now that he snaps out of it at the same time as her, both of them separating and nudging each other away until their bodies are no longer entwined, he feels his cheeks flush in embarrassment.
When he saw her leaping past him to jump into the water, his mind shut off. He wasn't thinking about himself, or the possibility of getting killed, or anything at all. He was only thinking of the danger she put herself in, then he dove in and the rest of his conscious mind faded away into pure survival instinct. Yet, even after he knew the immediate danger was gone, the adrenaline kept him on edge, desperate to get her back to land and pray none of them were hurt.
"It was trying to attack him," she rasps. Her throat is raw from the saltwater she choked on, and every word burns. "But we did it together."
She pushes herself off the ground with an exhausted sigh.
Muscles spent from the struggle in the water, her legs wobble beneath the weight of her upper body as she takes a few steps to help John B up from his position on his hands and knees. From what she heard, he has thrown up all he has left in his stomach and hasn't gagged again in a minute or so, so attempting to stand again shouldn't be too strenuous for him.
His hand is cold in her grasp from the water soaking their bodies, but it holds firmly enough for her to help him into his feet without their palms slipping apart. No patches of blood are visible on his shorts, nor are there any puncture wounds on him from the sharp teeth that snapped at his arm in the quick but vigorous fight.
They were very, very fortunate to have made it out alive, and when he looks down at her face, he feels nothing but gratitude for the girl he previously saw as nothing more than his girlfriend's best friend. They went into the water as casual acquaintances, companions of convenience and the happenstance of being forced onto this island together, but they've come out of it differently. Now, they're friends.
Now, she's a Pogue.
He smiles at her, glancing up at their friends as their questions die down at the sight of his crazy grin, and says, "That was some real Pogue shit right there, Y/N." His eyes come back to meet hers. "I think it's about time we officially make you one of us. What do you think?"
She's opening her mouth to respond when Kiara cuts her off. The rest of them are staring at the trio as if they have ten heads sprouting from their bodies for not immediately surrendering more details of their near-death encounter other than saying she killed it.
"I'm sorry, can we please rewind to the part where you got attacked by a shark first?"
"Ladies and gentlemen, can I get a drumroll please for..."
The campfire is roaring with the abundance of sticks, leaves, and branches thrown onto the pile to fuel it as she feels a strong pair of arms looping around her thighs to lift her into the expansive, star-flecked sky.
In a flash of haunting memory, she relives the moment where JJ dove into the water after her and lifted her body above the surface to give her the high ground over the shark. She relives its thrashing hunger, the water splashing on her, and the cloudy hue of blood around them that she hoped wasn't either of the boys. For a second, as the world grows taller with her new perspective, she is brought back to the sudden shift she felt then and feels her stomach drop in panic, anticipating the danger.
But then the sound of her friends laughing, as well as the surging fire and crashing waves, comes back to her and forces the frightful flashback away. Her hip fits perfectly in the curve of John B's shoulder, and she lets her head fall back in giggling laughter at how he hoists her up in the air as though she's a holy figure of worship for the Pogues to kneel to.
His voice can likely be heard across the entire island when he shouts, "The Shark Conqueror!"
The group erupts into a triumphant mixture of cheers and laughter that fills the beach, everyone celebrating in their narrow escape earlier today...everyone except JJ.
After John B divulged the gory details of what happened, from JJ's fall to her picking up the spear and jumping in to save him from the shark, they made their way back with enough conversation to last the month. They all asked questions and took peeks back at where it happened in morbid curiosity, wondering how on earth they managed to come out of the situation without a scratch.
The rest of the afternoon continued on with the same buzzing energy that can only be created from the thrill of being alive. She's felt it many times since joining Sarah's group of friends that seem to find trouble wherever they go, but she has never felt it as vehemently as she does tonight. It's a mixture of euphoria, shock, and soul-crushing guilt for having to hurt another living creature, even one that was intending to make a meal of her friend.
No matter how much she grows up or discovers more about herself as a person, feelings never stop being as frustrating as they were to her as a child. You can get better at processing and hindering explosive reactions to them, but they never simplify. She doesn't know why she feels so much at once. She doesn't know why she feels simultaneously on top of the world and thrown off the edge of a cliff, but she thinks it has to do with him.
Since they walked back to the beach and talked about what happened until the day withered into night, which led them here to the “official” ceremony of her being named a Pogue for life, JJ hasn't spoken to her once.
Suddenly, the shoe is on the other foot.
Much like how she avoided him all night last night leading into this morning, he doesn't talk to her. He tries not to look at her too from where he sits on the log of driftwood across the fire, but it's somewhat inevitable with the spectacle John B is making of her at the moment.
Painted in the warm tones of the firelight like a goddess in her own right, Y/N is impossible to look away from, and it makes him angrier than he already is. A handwoven circlet crafted from the hibiscus and hippeastrum flowers growing in the forest around their camp sits atop her head. It doesn't fall to the ground with the movement of her throwing her head back in laughter. It stays in its rightful place against the rule of gravity until her face comes back into view for him to quickly look away from.
It dampers her laughter to see him avoiding her gaze so adamantly, taking a swig of water from one of the small cups they carved from wood and turning to talk to Kie to keep himself busy. The distinct sensation of being on top of the world slips away with the feeling of his cold avoidance and John B lowering her back to the ground until her bare feet sink into the soft sand.
Before she can start sulking about it for the foreseeable future, Sarah steps up beside her.
The familiar touch of a hand on her shoulder brings her comfort amidst her confusion and hurt over the way JJ is acting, and when she turns to see a pretty face looking fondly at her, a warm smile finds her lips.
"Pogue for life?" Sarah asks.
The three words bring make her smile grow the same way it had when she was talking to JJ on the peninsula. It crinkles the skin around her eyes with its unrestrained happiness to hear them because, as much as she pretends to let JJ's comments roll off of her, tonight marks one of the first times she's felt at home with them.
That's not to say they haven't made her feel welcome in the past, they did, but this isn’t the same. This is closer, this is the type of bond that's forged in situations like these where people have no choice but to rely on each other or let their worlds collectively fall apart, and she thinks, for the first time, that she could live here with them forever if she must.
None of them know how much time has passed since they arrived here, least of all her, but it sure as hell feels like an eternity. At first, she could barely withstand the idea of living here for months with the intention of being rescued as soon as possible, but now...
She brings Sarah into an embrace tight enough to force the air from their lungs.
"Pogue for life," she echoes back with her face buried into the salt-scented tresses of dirty blonde hair cascading over her tan shoulders.
Would it be crazy of her to think that this is where they're meant to be? That they're her family and this place she has fantasized about escaping is now their home?
After all, the lush island provides everything they need to sustain themselves with the rationing, scavenging, and hunting routines they adhere themselves to. Freshwater runs down the land in a stream from a water source uphill, plenty of different edible plants grow in the forest, and there's so much left of the expansive land to explore; it's perfect. Everything here is perfect for them, calling out to them to make it their home, but there's one little problem as of right now, and he's sitting across the fire behind her back.
Sarah's arms squeeze around her shoulders once to bring her in even closer.
"Thank you for saving him," her voice is so hushed, Y/N can hardly hear it with her lips brushing the shell of her ear to whisper into it, "I'm not gonna get all mushy with you right now, but I don't know what I would've done if"—Sarah's breath hitches in her throat, and she shakes her head—"I just wanted to thank you."
When they pull apart, Y/N is looking back at her with a knowing expression, one that says everything she can't in the presence of the others, and Sarah can't help but mirror it.
It isn't long before the blonde-haired beauty is whisked away by her boyfriend to help him cook the crabs they caught closer to shore after their encounter with the shark. Not wanting to swim out or risk slipping off the rocks again with the dead fish promising to lure more predators to their area for the next week or so, they settled for hunting for shellfish and making good use of the fruits they find growing in wild abundance in the forest.
The night ticks away in swiftly passing minutes thanks to the humorous company of the people around her.
She nearly chokes on a mouthful of banana as Cleo tells a story from before she met them, when she used to live in Nassau and work jobs with Terence and Stubbs on ships. For such new additions to the group, they both fit surprisingly well with the lifelong childhood friends that sit around and banter with such ease together.
They talk, laugh, dance, and eat together, and there are moments when she feels happier than ever. There are moments exactly like when John B lifted her up and made her giggle at how their friends cheered on her behalf in indulgence of the silly "ceremony" they did, half out of boredom and half out of gratitude for what she did. But then she is reminded of the man sitting on the outskirts of the group with his features hardened into an expression of contemplation she wishes she could decode.
The night breeze feels heavenly on her perpetually overexposed skin. It blows into the fire and allows it to swell from the oxygen supply, crackling and popping embers out every so often like the spark of the zippo lighter JJ fidgets with in his restless hands. The movement attracts her wandering eyes while they should be focused on Cleo and Kie dancing around the fire with boisterous laughter while Sarah and Pope sing for them.
She keeps herself honed in on the opening and closing of the lighter under the guidance of his ring-clad fingers for the next minute or so.
They may have been pitting themselves against each other since they met, but that doesn't mean she doesn't know him well. If anything, the keen attention that her old hatred for him forced her to keep on him made her memorize everything there is to know. And she surely has picked up on the nervous habit of him playing with the lighter whenever he's thinking, whenever there's something crawling under his skin that he can't piece together.
He sits with his back to her, facing out toward the ocean so all she can see is the hand he uses to flick the lighter open and shut with. With a quick glance at the rest of their friends to see if any of them are watching or wanting to speak with her, she pushes herself up from the log and dusts her sandy palms on her shirt.
The tracks of her footsteps lead around the corner of the driftwood he rests against until her feet appear, sunken into the sand in front of him. It takes a lot of control to not allow himself to follow up the length of her body, panning up along her legs until he sees that infuriatingly tenderhearted set of eyes looking down at him.
However, he doesn't have a choice in looking when her hand outstretches in a silent invitation. His first glimpse of her in the last half-hour shows her jerking her chin in the direction of the beach curving around the bend of the island.
This morning, he probably would've taken her up on the offer. He would've done anything to get a few minutes alone with her, but now he can't see past his anger and doesn't know why. He doesn't know why it hasn't calmed yet, but, in truth, it has more to do with him than it does her idiotic yet brave decision to fight off a shark today. Trust him, it still has a lot to do with the idiotic shark thing, but the rest is lost in translation for him.
"Not in the mood," he dismisses her.
Her brows furrow and form a crease between them as she tries to find something to say but comes up with nothing. At least not until it clicks with her what he thought she was trying to do by inviting him to walk with her.
The last time they went off on their own together, it ended in an explosive encounter they have yet to erase from their minds. It's what greets them whenever they close their eyes for a second too long, existing in their wildest daydreams and fantasies whenever they have a spare moment to themselves. Hell, he can't stop thinking about it even when he's already occupied. It was the reason why he didn't catch any fish this morning before the incident that made him pissed at her in the first place. He couldn't stop thinking of her.
"Oh," she murmurs and starts to kneel down until her knees are sinking into the sand the same way she did when patching up his leg. Her eyes peek over his shoulder to ensure the others didn't hear them—"That wasn't what I meant...I was just wondering if you wanted to talk about today. It must have been a lot to process, since he's your best friend and all, and—"
JJ snaps, unable to tolerate it anymore, and stands up from his spot on the sand to move away from her.
"You don't need act all therapist with me, okay? I'm fine, and I don't need you to fix me if that's what you wanted. Today was fine. Everything's fine, so let it go."
Her mouth opens and closes like a fish with a loss for words. For the second time in the span of a minute, she is grasping blindly for something to say in the wake of him shocking her to silence. He's starting to walk past her but she doesn't let him. Her hand shoots out to stop him and holds onto his arm to turn him back despite his rudeness.
Underneath it all, her concern touches him deeply. It shouldn't trigger a reaction like this in him, so why does it? What about today set him off? He hasn't been this genuinely angry with her since before the hunt for the gold began, before she started to blend into their friend group and establish herself as one of them.
"Woah, woah, woah," she says, "I never said that. I thought that you needed someone to talk to. You know, as a friend."
Their friends start to notice their interaction tensing up now. Before, they didn't pick up on her stepping away for a second to check on him. Now, it's impossible to ignore what unfolds hardly six steps from where they watch as slyly as they can. The two of them haven't had a conversation as cold as this one in months, and what he says next takes it to a place that freezes over the connection they made last night and shatters the warm place it held in her heart.
He scoffs.
"We're not friends. If you think you gotta act different 'cause you threw yourself at me last night, don't bother. You hate me and I hate you. That's how it is."
No nicknames, jokes, or anything to act as a buffer, just cruelty. Rejection.
Though they truly were trying to pretend like they weren't paying attention, every single one of their friends stops and stares. A chorus of hushed reactions sound off from across the fire, and the faint sound of Kie muttering, "Oh shit," is the first thing to reach their ears. It's needless to say that none of them could've expected something so callous to come from him, not after what they saw when they ran up to them on the peninsula this morning.
With the way he was holding her then, doting on her and cradling her face between his hands even in the midst of his anger at what she did, they sooner expected the pair to admit they're dating than have a blowout like this.
In the delayed seconds it takes for her to realize what the fuck he just said to her, he watches her face shift from a look of concern to sadness, to flush-faced embarrassment, then finally to anger. Her teeth grind together, nostrils flaring on her inhale, and in one quick moment, she comes to a conclusion within herself.
She reaches up to rip the handmade crown of vibrant flowers off her head with flames to match the camp fire flaring up in her eyes for him. Before she can do anything, he already knows he crossed a line, if not multiple lines. It's evident in everything he sees, from the hurt look on her face to the force with which she shoves the crown into the center of his chest to send him stumbling back a few steps. Just like yesterday, except it couldn't be any more different.
"Fuck. You." She spits the words as though they're venomous, and he almost shrinks away under the intensity of her stare, “Go find somewhere else to sleep tonight, 'cause it sure as hell isn't gonna be with me."
Petals flutter out upon impact against his solid chest and float peacefully to the sand around his feet as he watches her turn on her heels and storm off toward their hut. Though, after what he did and what she said to him as a goodbye, it isn't really theirs anymore, is it? At least not for tonight, tomorrow, or the next day until he finds a way to make her hear him out for an apology.
He stands there, frozen, the entire time he watches her leave. Nothing can move him from the spot, not even Sarah knocking her shoulder against his with a pointed glare on her way past to follow her into the moonlit darkness.
He doesn't even resist the disappointed looks he gets, or the shoulder check from Sarah. This time, he deserves it. He deserves every ounce of their judgment. All she was trying to do was make sure he was okay and he was too consumed in his unreleased frustration from today to see it. And, in a way, he's still frustrated over it, but it's greatly overshadowed by the guilt seeping through him.
The shadowy shapes of the two girls disappear into the small hut further down the beach, and JJ is left with nothing to do but look down at the flower crown clutched to his chest in regret.
Tag List: @gabiatthedisco, @fangirlvoice, @black-syren, @apparrio, @particularcth, @planetdemon, @idk-ijustworkhere, @krisphann, @astrydis, @k-k0129, @zarahsloves, and @stilesflannels.
#jj maybank#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank smut#outer banks#obx#fanfiction#obx2#this fic is so over the top and silly but I love it 🥺👉🏻👈🏻
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