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#and it lives its whole life like this. that's awesome
weirdmarioenemies · 3 days
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Name: Zomboni
Debut: Plants vs. Zombies
Plants vs. Zombies is such a silly game. Silly is baked into its very code. And I love that! You know me! I live under rotting wood, eating silly and breaking it down into nutrient-rich soil! But I think Zomboni has the honor of being the silliest thing in this already-silly game!
There is no way Zomboni would exist if it weren't for the wordplay. So thank goodness for the wordplay! A zombie, on a Zamboni. Though, we are informed that it is actually "more closely related to a space ogre than a Zombie". What impeccable word choice! So it's not even actually a space ogre. Just some weird guy creature. Awesome
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Zomboni drives an ice resurfacing machine, and I have no idea what the general public's knowledge level of these things is. Does the average person know the exist? I knew, but I played and hated playing hockey as a child so I got to watch the ice being resurfaced, which was the best part. Some guy who may or may not be tangentially related to space ogres will drive this machine around the ice rink, cutting down the surface and laying down fresh ice to make a nice and smooth surface, I think. Now, I may be using the generic term for this product, but commonly, there is one brand name that is used commonly, like Band-Aid or Q-Tip or Velcro, and for that we can thank...
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Name: Frank J. Zamboni
Debut: Utah
Frank J. Zamboni! Hooray! What do you have to say, Frank?
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Wow. So true, Frank. I'm sure this message is reaching its intended audience in this post. Anyway, ol' Ice Tank Frank made such an iconic machine that it is THE ice resurfacing machine in the public consciousness, and there is even a trademark for its iconic shape! That seems unnecessary but ok. Now, when the ghost of the Zamberino was scrying the mortal realm for references to his work in media, he came across parody in a funny video game, and OBVIOUSLY something had to be done about that!
And from then on, Zomboni's description was updated to reflect that it is NOT to be confused with a Zamboni® brand ice resurfacing machine, you silly billy, why would you think that? And they also plugged the Zamboni website in-game, so that the audience of, I must emphasize, a silly video game, would be more likely to buy an entire ice resurfacing machine, or at least its related merchandise. I really would think this would all be fine under parody law, but maybe it has to do with the shape trademark. Whatever. To the Zamboni company's credit, they have some incredible merchandise.
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What a powerful item. With this, the course of a baby's life can be changed forever...
Zomboni with an O, I mean with two Os, approaches while creating a trail of freshly laid ice that cannot be planted on. The brand-ambiguous ice resurfacing machine is quite tough, but instant-kill plants are effective, as are Spikeweeds and Spikerocks, which will instantly pop its tires!
Zomboni is a considerable threat, instantly flattening any plant it reaches before its destruction, though the player should be pretty well-equipped to combat it, and the ice is laid on the right side of the screen, rather than the precious left side. Pretty manageable! But Zomboni is only the beginning, and as much delight and intrigue as I have gleaned from Zomboni's existence, it's what FOLLOWS Zomboni that is, in fact, my favorite zombie(s) in the game.
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If Zomboni is allowed to create an ice trail, it will be used by Zombie Bobsled Team! Yeah, Frank got a whole "name/debut" section and these guys just get a bolded name in a sentence. You never know what I'm gonna do next! Hee hee!
Zombie Bobsled Team is exactly what it sounds like! A team of zombies, in a bobsled! So that's four zombies, with a defensive vehicle that has to be destroyed before they can be harmed! Zomboni was already over-the-top silly, and then Zombie Bobsled Team goes even higher over that top. And it's a Big Top, where they keep all the clowns. There is not much else I can say about Zombie Bobsled Team, but it really speaks for itself!
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For some reason there exists official art of "Mullet Zombie", the Zomboni driver without his vehicle and hat. And for an even somer reason, they put it on the box art for the DS version! PvZ1 is simply very strange when it comes to official key art. Messed up.
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blazeball · 6 months
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i just rediscovered the pelican spider. give me 1-2 business days to stop laughing at how they're shaped and ill be normal again
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starbuck · 4 months
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after SO many years of making myself the butt of the joke for not knowing anything, it’s overwhelmingly joyful to finally, truly open myself up to learning
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vanibear · 10 months
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we have now reached the stage of family vacation where i have a meltdown
#mmmmmmm they were just straight up playing an antivax youtube video on tv . it took every ounce of my composure to not burst into tears on#The spot .Ive now gone to bed early so i can go cry very quietly upstairs in my bathroom#its just. it makes me insane my family is so fun and awesome until it comes to their politics !!!!!!!!!!#i try not to think about it very often .but sometimes im just hit fully with the fact that if they knew who I truly am .#there is a scary scary chance they would just never accept me.#its so easy for ppl to say oh if they wont accept you just walk out and leave they never really loved you anyway#but it’s so complicated in real life i cant just leave my family i love them !!!! they love me !!!!!they are all I have#and the thing is I never talk to them about this stuff .i have no idea how they would react and it is Scary#i ache with my whole being sometimes to just share everything with them. im so tired of secrets .it hurts I just wish i could just live#openly with them like some people do#but the possibilities and consequences are just far too grand for me for now#so I just live in this limbo. and I do a good job most of time ignoring the fact that I do#but sometimes (like tonight) it just hits me all once .the weight and burden of all that I hide from everyone.#pride month especially. it can be a very hard time for me#oh I think I hear ppl coming upstairs now gotta make it look like I haven’t been crying bc i do Not want anyone to ask .i will not be able#to answer without sobbing and I cant explain slash excuse my way out of this one without talking abt what’s really going on#And I don’t want to have that conversation for a Long time#ok byebye#kat post
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Ignore this, I'm just having a hard time
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bellflower-goat · 11 months
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man
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blingblong55 · 2 months
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Bigger than the whole sky- Simon "Ghost" Riley
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Photo credits: @ave661
Based on a request:
HI SO I READ YOUR RECENT NO JUDGEMENT AND ITS AWESOME AND INCREDIBLY WHOLESOME BTW BUT PLEASE CAN YOU MAKE IT ANGST??!?!?????? LIKE LIKE HEAR ME OUT. YOU GOT PREGGO WITH ANOTHER BEBE AND A MISCARRIAGE HAPPENS, YOU THINK ITS ALL YOUR FAULT AND IDK FALLS INTO SLIGHT DEPRESSION AND STUFF LIKE THAT IDK I JUST WANT ANGST <333333333 ---- F!Reader, pregnant!reader, husband!simon, TW! Mentions of miscarriage, dad!ghost ---- A/N: I love this idea and major TW!
It was a dream all over again, the excitement to have yet another little one in the place Simon and you call home. You are around three months along. Your soon-to-be oldest child kisses your soft belly. Simon chuckles, "I think we know who the favourite relative will be." A smile appears on you. This is all too perfect.
"Alright lovie, we'll let you go and decorate. You need us, we'll be playing outside," he kisses your forehead. The puppy, kid and Simon all race to the backyard. Giggles and barks follow along and you make your merry way to the nursery.
As Simon is running around the backyard with the kid and the puppy, you feel cramps. The pain is more intense and it's of concern.
As you rush to the bathroom, you feel it. Warm, thick liquid runs down your thighs and to the ground. In a hurry, you call out for Simon, who in a rush, carries your child with him to the room. "Lovie?!" His voice filled with panic and once he saw the blood, his heart nearly stopped. Tears run down your face.
"Oh god lovie," he says with a frown. With strength, he picks you up with his free arm, your child in the other and he rushes to the car.
The way to the emergency room was filled with tears, panic and a lot of reassurance.
Nurses wheel you in, Simon and your child fight to stay with you but the doctors don't let them. A nurse stays with him. She begins to try and get their minds off you for a second and as hard as it seems, it is the only thing she can do.
While this worked with his kid, it didn't for him. "Just, be careful with her, she's pregnant and we need her in our lives." He says between silent tears. "I can reassure you the doctors are doing all they can to help your wife."
Nearly an hour into being under the care of doctors and staff, they let Simon and your kid in.
The room is thick in silence and fear.
"Lovie, what's wrong?"
"I'm sorry," you cry. There is shame in you. Guilt and utter disgust for yourself fills you.
"Sorry for what?" He says almost unaware of the situation.
"Mummy?"
"I'm so sorry, Tommy," you cry. How can one tell their son the baby died? How can one accept this piece of their life?
There are things one can't say, things one can't feel and some things will never be.
"Lovie, tell me, what's the matter?"
"…The baby-fetus…i…I miscarried," you confess between mumbles that cover your mouth as tears fall like a waterfall. Your hand goes to the now empty belly. The fetus that would never grow now sits elsewhere as you grieve its death.
At home, the sun sets. Curtains stay open since no one is home. The nursery loses its colour with the sun. All is silent. No one is home, no one will be home for a while more.
In the pale grey room, Simon holds his son in his arms. The small child is asleep in the comfort of his father's arms. Meanwhile, Simon's stare is on you. A frown is now temporary on him. The sight in front of him is of you.
Distraught by the news, you've denied food.
Two nurses come into the room, and in their hands, a teddy named Angel. You look up. "We are so sorry for your loss, we wanted to gift you, your very own angel," the main nurse says. She hands it to you, the weight of it is comforting, you look up and give them a knowing look.
In the darkness of the night, Simon stays awake. You hold the teddy as you sleep.
"I will always love you," he whispers to the teddy and then to his son who still sleeps in his arms. "I love you more," Simon whispers once more as he kisses your forehead.
Light comes back in, the only giggle is of your son who plays with the teddy. You haven't been able to stop the tears.
What would have been? Two little kids running around, the mindless babble. The beautiful sound of a baby giggling is something you won't experience.
You and Simon haven't said much since you told him the news but he never left your side. His hand has been glued to yours for this time and as you look at him, you have this stare that begs for forgiveness. You cup his face and he nods, "I love you too," he says the words he understands you too wanted to say.
Days pass, and you lay in bed. Simon has been home, and not once has he touched his phone. He lives his days giving you all the care and love you need. His son sees him more, the car rides to school are filled with some tune and as he drives back, you find yourself back in the nursery.
The blood was now gone from the floor, all that stayed in the room was the crib and the teddy.
The walk to the room is painful, the sight of the kitchen makes you frown. All the food you craved now disgusts you. The clothes you wore to hide the bump are hidden.
Now, as you lay in bed, you believe this is some sort of punishment. The day is beautiful outside, if only that angel would be here to listen to you as you describe it.
You want to take it all back. The annoyance when your son left his toys everywhere when he was learning how to walk to different places. You want to clean the crayon marks on the wall again, you want the sleepless nights, and the silly little babbles and Simon just nodding and pretending words were said.
"I would've met you in five months…" you say to the wall. You needed something, just a second with that baby. One smile, or even for it to hear you say you love them beyond the world.
You'd give anything to have done anything right. The once colourful room now feels like it's covered in blue.
As you lay in bed, that's when you wish you'd just di- "Lovie?" Simon was back from dropping Tommy off at school. When he doesn't hear your response, he walks to you, wrapping his arms around you and then picking you up, bringing you to his lap as he lays back, your head on his chest. "Let it out, it's okay, I'm here," he whispers.
Sobs escape your lips. You cry, and in between the tears, you keep asking why.
You're not enough, are you? Losing this feels like it.
"Simon-" "Don't go there, it isn't your fault, you did everything right and maybe it just wasn't time for us to have another one but don't you dare speak about yourself like that." His voice is soft but there is some commanding tone behind it all.
Some time passes, and Simon has been home this whole time. He grieves with you, and you with him.
You finally come to terms with this and on some beautiful day, your son organises a picnic in the backyard. A blanket laid upon the grass, tea, snacks, lots of laughter and much talk greets you. For the first time since the miscarriage, you feel it, that funny feeling when all is well and your heart slowly heals.
"I love you," Your son happily says. "To the moon and back," Simon and you say back at the same time.
A/N: Tagged all those on the list...so sorry for not making a "comment to be tagged"...surprise comeback????
Tags: @goldenmclaren @ghostslillady @moonsua1 @rvivienner @Krinoid24 @iruzias @idklols @saoirse06 @vampsquerade @juneonhoth @tiredmetalenthusiast @jinxxangel13 @enarien @simonssweetgirl @luvecarson @willowaftxn83-87 @coralwitchdreamland @nobodys-coffee @strawberrychita @sae1kie @queen-ilmaree @pbcartii @llelannie @macnches2 @bbyfimmie @avidreadee123 @talooolaaloolla @skelletonwitch @bittermajesties @honestlyhiswife @ikohniik @who-can-appease-me @ghostwifeyy @konigssultwithghost @kaoyamamegami @beansproutmafia @soapybutt17 @asianbutnotjapanese @a-goose-with-a-knife @foxface013 @anonxasian @thegreyjoyed @marshiely
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ohdeerfully · 2 months
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Headcanons! Alastor with a plush demon reader :3 like readers sinner form is a plush! Because I love height differences and it sounds real cute
-🃏🐱
hi 🃏🐱!! i wrote this more platonically, so it could be read either way, but i might write a more romantic flavored one too :3! sorry its rather short, i hope you enjoy it anyway!
edit: after rereading the request i realized u asked for headcanons but i wrote a whole oneshot im </3 *knocks on my head and it sounds hollow*
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Alastor x Plushie!Reader
PLATONIC fluff TW: none! readers kind of a weirdo by accident
join my discord!
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It was no surprise that you became popular in hell very quickly after manifesting. You were often stopped in the streets by people wanting to squish your soft skin, and some people wanting selfies.
I mean, who wouldn’t fall in love with a living stuffed animal? You were very likely the first of the kind.
There was one demon, however, that seemed immune to the charm. No matter how many times you stood on his lap, your giant squishy paws pressed onto his chest, looking at him with your shiny button eyes… he just would not yield. And it frustrated you to no end.
So, you had made it your life—or, death—goal to get him to squish your plushy skin. Even if you had to force him to.
It started with you merely sitting next to him at every opportunity, swinging your legs against the cushion of the couch. Your legs barely reached over the edge; you were quite short. Sitting next to Alastor felt like sitting next to a skyscraper. 
You would lay down, sit up again, roll onto your back, over and over again, trying to get his attention on you. He wouldn’t ignore you, per say, as he would respond to your conversations politely, albeit a bit condescending in his typical manner; but, his hands never left the comfort of being folded neatly in his lap.
It got to the point where you were practically laying yourself on top of him, getting desperate now. But, every time, he would simply grab you under the arms and easily set you a foot or so away from him. He would give you a quick pat on the head, but you wanted more than that. Every pat on the head felt like a cruel reminder that he wanted nothing to do with you.
Your frustration has even caused you to get upset with Niffty a few times. While on one hand it was awesome to know another demon that was of similar height, on the other hand it pissed you off at how easily she seemed to grab his attention. Though, she was also just overall more insane—it’d be hard for anybody to ignore her.
You had to admit, though, that the lack of his attention only made your intrigue in him grow exponentially. In a Hell where you were stopped on every corner of the road, in every store, Alastor stood out to you. How come, of all the demons out there, even some of the cruelest in the Pride Ring, the one demon you were actually interested in… could care less about you? Sure, the only reason you were interested in him was because of this very fact, but still! Why?
You had gotten fed up. Alastor was in the midst of, again, picking you up off of himself, when he paused holding you midair at the look of fury on your face. You saw his grin widen in a sinister manner, and his eyebrows quirk quizzically. 
“What a huge expression for a face so little,” He laughed shortly. You hated the way his laughter crackled with radio static, and how it practically mocked you.
“You. Are such. A jerk!” You cried, swinging your legs in an attempt to kick his chest. You missed by a longshot, as he held you out as far as his arms could stretch. He only continued to watch you, amused.
“Just pet me!” You cried. You immediately halted after saying that, arms frozen mid-flail. You realized instantly how weird that was to say, especially to Alastor. And he knew, too, evident in the way his eyes narrowed at you and he rushed to place you down on the floor. You struggled to maintain eye contact when he stood back up, his height being the actual physical manifestation of impending doom. His hands brushed down the sides of his coat.
“I believe it makes sense for you to be a stuffed animal,” He said matter-of-factly. “Because of how utterly childish you are.”
You couldn’t help but stomp your foot at his statement; and his grin stretched at being proved right. But, like, come on! Yeah, what you said was kind of weird as fuck, but you weren’t in the wrong or anything! It’s only natural.
His gaze shifted up and ahead of himself, and your shoulders slumped in defeat. Another failed attempt.
That was, until you felt a clawed finger touch against your head and briefly scratch at your velvety skin, right behind your ear. You looked up, shocked, towards Alastor’s unreadable expression. The touch was very brief, and he stood and walked away without another word, leaving you standing there awestruck.
You shook yourself and bounced after him, trying to call his attention again but he ignored you. You opted to just follow him around for a bit, at least until he made it obvious you should leave him alone. He had his hands folded behind his back, a tune humming in his mouth as he walked down the halls. Alastor would never admit it to you, but he did find you rather cute, in a similarly chaotic way to Niffty. You weren’t quite as unhinged, but you had an entertaining amount of spunk and confidence, which he found sort of funny—so much personality squished into one tiny body. You sort of reminded him of a stuffed animal he had when he was a boy.
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is-the-king-dead-yet · 2 months
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I think we've heard the phrase "fame is abuse" before but it applies most to the English royal family, doesn't it? Tapping phone lines, hacking into phones, paparazzi contributing to Diana's death, constant speculation about the women's fertility, hyper monitoring of the women's bodies, the "caged panda" effect of being well taken care of but unable to do anything even mildly of their own will. They're born to do Imperial PR. And while PR for empire is evil, and abdication is always a fantastic option, having an entire family of people born and raised only to look pretty and have babies is also an evil of its own kind. Not as dangerous of an evil as the hoarding of wealth and the abuse of native peoples globally. But still an evil.
It produces warped and stunted people, too. Charles III's total failure to remove himself from politics and his crunchy conspiracy nonsense are the most noticeable effects of being a guy who's never been told "no" in his life (and the one time he was told no, he just carried it on as an affair anyways, damn the effects on his wife). And then we have Harry and William, made to perform their grief for millions of people, and Megan, who had the unfair choice of either giving up her relationship or walking into the greatest historical den of racism in the world.
We have a good teehee about short live the king around here and every royal death is an awesome chance to just stop, to just not hold another coronation. But tbh the whole system is internally abusive to those closest to it as well, and that's a secondary reason to shut it down. It's like releasing a zoo animal into the wild, right? They don't want to go from the million dollar enclosure into an uncertain environment, but set them free and their grandkids will thank you.
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morningberriesao3 · 3 months
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As Sneaky Link comes to an end, it just means that I’ll get to work on some other fun projects that have been in my drafts for (literally) a year and a half.
The next multi chapter I’m working on is set back in the 80s. Only this time, it’s not Steve who spirals about his sexuality.
Eddie is straight—he’s just never met the right girl to feel that spark. But Steve over the last years has had a secret that he’s told no one. Not even Robin.
Until Eddie walks in on him in a very compromising position. With another man.
I started this fic as something we hardly see in the Steddie fandom—and that’s Steve being the certified queer, and Eddie having a full blown crisis as he figures himself out.
As promised, below the cut is the first 2.4K words of chapter 1, and in February it’ll be posted in its entirety on my ao3: morningberries
Enjoy 🥹
It was a chilly day in early September—the wind carrying half-brown leaves through the air in swirling patterns that looked like mini tornados. Eddie stared at them from his trailer’s living room window as Wayne’s truck disappeared beyond the bend in the road.
Another weekend alone as his uncle worked a double shift.
It’s not that Eddie didn’t have friends. There was Gareth and Jeff and Grant—the members from his beloved band Corroded Coffin—but he knew Jeff was on vacation with his parents before college started and Grant was working with his dad in the garage on that ’69 Mustang they picked up from the scrapyard over the summer. Gareth, although in Hawkins, had landed himself a hot new girlfriend and spent every waking moment with her.
Eddie couldn’t really blame him, even though he didn’t really get it.
It had been the same thing his whole life, if he was being honest with himself. Since middle school, he’d watch his friends start dating whatever chick they had a crush on, listen to them start yammering about how gorgeous she was or how cool or how smart. How she made them get butterflies in their stomachs, whatever the fuck that meant.
Yeah, cool.
Eddie had dated girls—some pretty cute ones at that. There was Sam, who he dated his second senior year, and they’d gotten along really well. She was what Eddie thought should probably be his type—dark hair, a lip ring, wore lipstick in blacks and unearthly blues. She was even in Hellfire Club and honestly kicked ass at it. Objectively, on paper, she was everything he wanted.
Except he didn’t feel it. Whatever it was. The fucking butterflies, or whatever.
When they broke up, it hadn’t really been the end of the world. He mourned their friendship more than the sexual aspect of their relationship, because Sam had been awesome to hang out with and smoke with and laugh with.
Gareth hadn’t believed Eddie when he said he was fine—took a solid 4 months before Gare actually accepted that Eddie’s heart wasn’t shattered.
Eddie cared more about… God, like, anything but dating. Like D&D, and his friends, and his guitar, and Metallica’s newest album, and making his fucking bed in the morning, and even his therapist. He knew it didn’t really help him look normal to be a twenty-year-old man who couldn’t care less about pursuing girls, but whatever. He was King Freak, after all.
When he met Chrissy six months ago, he thought for a moment that he might be able to convince himself to have a crush on her. It should be easy; a small, thin, blonde, pretty cheerleader is everyone’s type. Maybe he’d just been chasing after the wrong girls. But what he felt on the drive to his trailer with Chrissy in his front seat, as she timidly told him she thought he was kind and funny, was, again… not the fireworks he expected from all the stories of love at first sight.
And then she’d died, which vastly overshadowed Eddie’s worry that there might be something wrong with him for not developing feelings. He talked about both things in his weekly government mandated therapy sessions. But mostly about her death.
The doctor had told Eddie it wasn’t uncommon to have an aversion to romantic or sexual relationships after experiencing trauma. Eddie didn’t really bother to elaborate that it had started long before said trauma. But whatever.
He digressed.
Gareth had a girlfriend, and they spent their time making out and—apparently now—doing hands and mouth stuff. At least, that’s what Gareth had been bragging about at their last band practice. And, according to him, they were probably going to fuck on this weekend that Eddie was once again alone, so calling Gareth was completely off the table.
He sighed, standing from his uncle’s withered brown couch to walk the ten steps to his bedroom. He plucked his guitar from her hook on the wall, strummed a few chords without bothering to plug her in. If he was really going to talk about trauma responses and aversions, he might as well start with the one he developed for playing his guitar after the epic battle in the Upside Down.
Since the day he nearly bled out on the gravel outside of his trailer (that wasn’t really his trailer, because apparently alternate dimensions are, like, actually a thing), he hadn’t really been able to play anymore. It wasn’t some dramatic thing, like getting wild flashbacks of battling massive fucking hell-bats, or getting feasted on by their fang-filled mouths, or Dustin crying over him, or what if felt like when he literally died for four minutes before he was defibrillated. It was just this soft, but uncomfortable, feeling in his stomach, accompanied by massive brain fog, and a general lack of motivation to learn anything new.
He hung the guitar back where it belonged, in front of his mirror. The reflection that looked back at him looked… well, goddamn bored, for one. And a little anxious. And like he should probably try to reach out to some of his other friends.
There had been some silver linings to the whole everything-he’s-ever-known-about-the-world-has-been-a-lie thing. He did, now, have other friends. Dustin, for one, would hang out with him on days that weren’t D&D related. Although, Eddie was sure that a lot of that was because he had a working vehicle that could tow him around to the arcade, or the diner (where Eddie paid for Dustin’s meals, obviously), or the video store.
Eddie didn’t mind crashing Family Video, because more often than not, it meant he could visit his new age-appropriate friend.
Robin and Eddie had become attached at the hip, honestly. Best friends. Trauma bonded, or something. Or maybe it had more to do with the fact that they were both losers, and somehow both smart and dumb at the same time. They also both talked a lot, and got excited over weird shit, and liked to rag on Dustin. So Eddie really took a liking to Robin.
And here was something that he’d been thinking about for the last few weeks.
Maybe he had a crush on her? It didn’t really sound right, but he did get excited when he got to see her, and his heartrate sometimes sped up when he went to family video and he first laid eyes on her talking to Steve, and maybe there was also a tinge of jealousy that settled in the pit of his stomach when he thought of how close they were. That had to mean something—meant something more than anything else he’d ever felt before.
He knew if Steve and Robin were going to get together, it more than likely would have already happened. But the thought still nagged on him a bit. He wouldn’t like it, and he couldn’t really put his finger on why. Having a crush on Robin was the only feasible explanation, really.
It was either that, or perhaps it was because Eddie was convinced that Steve hated him for some unknown reason.
Eddie tried to become friends with Steve during the aftermath of the Upside Down, and for a while it seemed like it was working. It seemed like Steve actually enjoyed Eddie’s company.
They’d hang out first with Rob, or Dustin. And then just by themselves. Steve even came to smoke up at the trailer once or twice, ended up crashing on Eddie’s couch. Steve used to smile at him, and nudge him in the shoulders like they were sharing some inside joke, or sling his arm around Eddie casually like they’d known each other for ages.
It always made Eddie feel like he was buzzing, like there was some sort of weight in his chest that spasmed and choked him. His therapist had said that it was probably some sort of satiation for his inner child, finally being accepted by someone who was deemed popular. Eddie hadn’t ever thought he cared about shit like that, but the subconscious was a mysterious place, he was coming to learn. Definitely explained the attachment he felt for Steve those first few months out of the hospital; the absolute giddiness he felt when they got to hang out.
But that was at the beginning. The start of July was when Eddie noticed Steve acting different towards him. Avoiding touch, and then eye contact, and then Eddie’s calls, and finally, just Eddie altogether.
The pit Eddie had felt in his stomach from losing Steve’s affection had been awful. He really thought they were becoming close, really thought it was the start of something. A really great friendship.
But Steve peaced out as quickly as he bonded with Eddie, apparently deciding now that they were back in the real world, they couldn’t really mingle anymore.
The bond they formed in the Upside Down was acceptable when they were actively monster hunting, but Eddie supposed now that things had somewhat calmed, reality started to crash into focus. Steve was still a jock; Eddie was still a freak. Therefore, no more sitting across from each other at Benny’s Diner.
That was Eddie’s theory, at least. When he’d ask Robin about it, she’d just shrugged her shoulders and said, “He hasn’t spoken badly about you. Like, at all. Seems like he likes you to me.”
Then, as if to prove his point, Steve would go all red when Eddie would stop by his work and go hide in the back room until the kids picked whatever Sci-Fi movie and piled back in Eddie’s van.
Whatever. It didn’t matter.
Eddie survived sans Steve before the Upside Down, he’d survive without him now.
He picked up the phone and dialed Robin’s number.
“Hello?”
“Rob,” Eddie greeted, a smile already forming on his face from hearing her raspy voice. “What are you up to?”
He could hear a snort from the other end of the line. He knew she was rolling her eyes. “On a Friday afternoon at five PM? Absolutely nothing, of course.”
“Is that sarcasm?”
“Did it sound like sarcasm?”
“I’ll be honest with you,” he said, tucking the phone against his shoulder as he poured himself a mug of old drip coffee from this morning, “it very much did.”
“You’re getting better at social cues!” she mockingly praised.
“Watch it, Bucky. Don’t get too comfortable hiding behind that phone.”
“You’ll forget before the next time we see each other. I’m not too worried.”
Eddie sighed for what felt like the hundredth time since his uncle left the trailer. “Does that mean you can’t hang?”
The line crackled as Robin moved through her living room. Eddie could imagine her flopping on the couch, getting comfortable, her green phone glued to her ear with a big bowl of popcorn settled in her lap. “Noooott necessarily,” she drawled out. “Although, I know you’re not exactly fond of parties.”
Eddie furrowed his brow as he slid his mug onto the new microwave’s glass plate. He’d gotten it for Wayne’s birthday with some of the hush money the government had… well, hushed him with. Eddie had promised to keep his lips sealed when they flashed him the size of the cheque. Not like he had many people to tell, anyway.
“You’re going to a party?”
“Yeah,” she said, sounding surprised. “Steve’s party? For his twentieth?”
Eddie’s stomach dropped. “Steve’s having a party for his birthday?”
As far as he’d known, Steve said he was doing a quiet thing with his parents and his aunt that he didn’t even want to attend, and that was that. He’d just shrugged when Eddie pressed about celebrating with his friends, muttering something about it feeling weird to celebrate after everything that went down earlier in the year.
Which had been fair enough.
But now it was abundantly clear that Steve had been lying to Eddie. To keep him away.
“Uh, of course he is, Doofus. He told me you said you couldn’t come?”
Eddie, for some wild reason, felt his eyes pricking with tears. Out of anger or betrayal or confusion, he wasn’t really sure. It was dumb; he was tough, and he didn’t cry when jocks hated him ever before. So he swallowed them back down.
“Guess my plans changed,” he said, venom seeping into his tone. Fuck Steve and his master plan to keep Eddie from attending his dumb house party. “I’m coming.”
It seemed that Robin was totally oblivious to his anger as she squealed excitedly from the other end of the line. “Yay! Will you come pick me up then? It would be so much cooler to show up with a friend than have my mom drop me off in front of all the former popular kids of Hawkins High.”
“Why do you care about that shit?” Eddie asked, even though he knew it was hypocritical of him.
“Look, I know you’re totally unaffected by the social hierarchy, Eddie, but I’m unashamed to admit that it’ll feel kind of amazing to debut myself as Steve’s best friend, you know? And I’d rather do it in your shitty van than have my mother yelling that she loves me from the open window of her Honda Civic.”
“Don’t call ol’ Heffer shitty,” Eddie sulked. “It’s not good to bite the hand that feeds you. Or something like that.”
Eddie ignored that it didn’t feel great when Robin said she was Steve’s best friend. That heavy shadow of jealousy weighed down on him. He was unclear whether it was because he was jealous of Steve or Robin.
“Whatever,” Robin said, her voice laced with yet another eyeroll. “Pick me up at seven-thirty?”
Eddie nodded, his face still pulled into a scowl. When he realised Robin couldn’t see him, he shook his muddled brain and mumbled, “Uh—yeah. Seven-thirty. See you then.”
“Cool. See you soon, Doofus,” Robin sang. And then the line went dead.
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elliehase-blog · 2 months
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The Valentine's Surprise
It’s just a random day in February and Roman bursts through the door, bringing a blast of cold air from outside into Virgil’s room.
“We have a problem!”
“Hm,” Virgil replies without looking up from his book.
“It’s an emergency,” Roman says more emphatically.
Virgil lifts an eyebrow slightly. “Is the house on fire? Should I run for my life?”
“Much worse.”
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Roman unceremoniously flop down on the armchair next to him, burying his face in his arms.
“We have no date for Valentine’s Day,” he says in a tone of voice in which other people say, ‘I only have six months to live’. “Why do I think of this so late every year? Why? Why is Valentine’s Day always so sudden?”
Virgil smirks behind the pages. “Yes, it’s hard to believe that they put it so spontaneously and completely arbitrarily on February the 14th again. Is it no longer possible to rely on anything in life?”
Roman fishes for a pillow and throws it in Virgil’s direction. “Not funny, Mister Sarcasm!”
It becomes more than clear that Roman, with all his pre-Valentine’s heartbreak, isn’t going anywhere else. Virgil struggles with himself for a moment before finally putting the book aside and turning to Roman.
“Why are you bothering me with this anyway? Patton seems to me the right side to contact for your problem.”
Roman sighs deeply and tragically. “No, it has to be you,” he confesses and comes finally to the point. “You’re the one who can push this problem into focus.”
‘Ah’ thinks Virgil, only mildly surprised. No one ever comes to him for advice. Especially not Roman.
“Listen, Princey, weren’t we all agreeing on not psyching ourself out over some day and instead celebrating love in all its forms?”
He knew that the topic would come up again, no matter how well Roman coped with the whole thing on the outside. You don’t have to be a genius to realize that his thoughts still revolve around Nico Flores and the unclear relationship.
“Ugh.” Roman sighs again. “It’s just…,” he starts to explain and his voice sounds husky, as if he had a cold. “I’m Thomas’s romantic side and I should do something, right? Valentine’s Day makes me sentimental, and I want to throw around grand gestures, but… What’s the point of embracing love if you never get anything back?”
That was too much of an exaggeration, even by Roman’s standards. Virgil would like to make a sarcastic remark again, but he can’t. Not when Roman looks like that, so worked up and hurt. It always causes a strange tug in his chest that he can’t quite explain.
“Wow, that’s a gloomy way of seeing it.” Virgil swings his legs over the edge of the couch and stands up. “Come on, you stayed already for too long in my room. Breathe, okay?”
Roman allows Virgil to grab him by the arm and carefully escort him out of this dark corner of the mind.
“Better?”
“Better,” Roman agrees, but still sounding a little helpless.
It’s unbearable.
“Okay, you know what, let me show you something.”
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Almost energetically, Virgil manoeuvres them in the direction of the stairs. It’s kind of surprising how little defensive Roman is about all of it. Usually, he is protesting and whining a lot more. For now, he just raises his arms in a questioning manner.
“Virge, what-” he stops abruptly. Roman has the widened, panicked gaze of a deer on the highway that suddenly and abruptly finds itself in the middle of the headlights of an approaching truck.
“Oh my goodness! Are you kidding me?! What’s… Why…?”
Virgil bites his lower lip, amused. “My pet spider wanted a friend, and you’re always into battling monsters, so…”
“No, no, no… No!”
“Isn’t this what you wanted? Unconditional, requited love.”
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Roman looks at Virgil, then at the spider and his tiny self, and finally back to Virgil again.
“You’re unbelievable.”
Virgil crosses his arms over his chest and shrugs. To be honest, he’s just a little smug about it. You can’t choose where Cupid’s arrow will land.
“What can I say, you make my spider feel special and awesome.”
The corners of Roman’s mouth twitch. It looks like a smile he’s suppressing. “I will tolerate this nonsense,” he says benevolently. “But it’s not at all solving my problem.”
Virgil should walk away now, leaving Roman behind with nothing but his self-doubts and fears. That’s at least what the old anxiety would do. Damn it, he is not the one who is usually comforting people! But then again… it’s all about family, right? At least, that’s what Patton would say.
“I can’t believe that I have to point it out.” Virgil sighs and feels a little uncomfortable all of a sudden. “Love always comes around for us when we least expect it. You don’t have to force anything, Roman. Accept and acknowledge what you already have. There’s a lot of affection in different ways and forms around you. You’re just not seeing it clear.”
It’s strange to have said it out loud after it’s been rumbling in his stomach like an ulcer. Strange and relieving at the same time.
Virgil clears his throat. Anyway, it’s not that he meant anyone specific. What matters is, that Roman’s face suddenly lights up with a warm, knowing smile. It makes Virgil feel a whole lot better too.
"I knew I could count on you," says Roman softly, and no one is commenting it.
💜❤️💜❤️💜❤️💜❤️💜❤️💜❤️💜❤️💜❤️
I hope you enjoyed the small (not beta-read) story. I apologize in advance for any grammar or spelling mistakes my german brain wasn't seeing.
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Hey, you!
Yeah, you!
Do you crave more ✨canon queer stories✨ in your fandom experience? Are you begging for more major character representation that you don’t have to headcanon for yourself?
Then have I got the kickstarter for you!
The Tin Can Bros (a comedy trio and makers of live theatre, digital sketches, webseries, you name it! You might know them from all the work they’ve done with Starkid—founding Tin Can Brothers Joey and Brian played Ron and Quirrell in A Very Potter Musical) are launching a brand new season of projects, most of which contain QUEER MAJOR CHARACTERS AND THEMES. These guys have got gays, they’ve got lesbians, they’ve got trans and gnc characters, they’ve got wholesome first love and Hannigram levels of fucked-up toxicity. It’s a whole cornucopia!! They’re planning to produce work in Los Angeles, NYC, London, Edinburgh, and Adelaide, but there will be digital tickets so you can watch where ever you are!
We’ve got:
-Two Rocky Horror-style concerts of the cult-hit, spy-movie parody musical Spies Are Forever. Gay protagonist who will sear himself into your heart! Seriously, his relationship with fellow spy Owen will emotionally destroy you for at least seven years.
-A concert of the developing musical This Could Be on Broadway, which follows a group of high school kids putting on a production of The Matrix: The Musical (not a show in real life) in their theatre department. A bunch of the central kids are canonically some flavor of queer, and there’s a central, very sweet lesbian romance that includes a trans character. She’s played trans actress Esther Fallick, who also worked with TCB as a consultant to make the character and show as authentic as possible. Seriously, if you want to see a trans teen thriving in their own skin, this is the show for you.
-An Edinburgh Fringe Fest production of The Solve It Squad Returns, a Scooby-Doo parody that follows the parodic versions of the Scooby Gang when they reunite as fucked-up adults to finally confront the almost-twenty-years-past traumatic murder of their dog Cluebert. I promise it’s funnier than it sounds. Esther, the Velma-esque super genius, is gender non-conforming and identifies with they/them pronouns. They also have a girlfriend WITH a boyfriend!
-A workshop reading of the QUEER SCI-FI TELEVISION COMEDY PILOT Intelligent Life. Unlike the other projects I’ve mentioned, this one is new to the TCB fans, but will follow a pair of ex-boyfriends forced to survive together in an extra-terrestrial colony. From the sound of it, there will be plenty of queer supporting characters as well. This frankly sounds like it could be tumblr’s dream show, and it’d be great to support its development.
-The Great Debate—a live comedy game show where comedians debate silly things. While this obviously won’t have narrative gay rep like the other projects, it will showcase gay talent (at the very least, Tin Can Brother Corey will participate in every show) and may include debates involving queer topics.
-Gross Prophets, in which three wannabe gurus/cult leaders lead a seminar on the path to enlightenment. This is a completely new stage musical so I honestly don’t know if it will contain any queer characters or themes. But the TCB queer track record is pretty good!
Guys, I’m so genuinely so excited by this season. But all this awesome queer art won’t happen unless we get their kickstarter funded. And they need our help! So let’s get fundraising!!
TLDR; Comedy group Tin Can Bros are attempting to fund a season positively filled with queer stories and characters, and they need help! If you want to support the creation of queer theatre and the development of queer TV, consider checking them out and giving to the kickstarter!
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You may wonder what this whole Awesome Coffee Club thing is all about. Today I was reminded what it’s all about:
In 2019, the unpaid intern who runs this tumblr account visited Sierra Leone’s Kono District. Kono is the among the most impoverished communities in the world due to a long history of enslavement, colonialism, and civil war. A decade ago, Kono’s healthcare system was in a state of collapse--clinics had no running water or electricity or paid staff, and inconsistent supplies of medications and other necessities.
As a result, Kono was the epicenter of the global maternal mortality crisis: One out of every seventeen women could expect to die in childbirth. Over 10% of children died before the age of five. 
Beginning in 2014, Partners in Health began working with Sierra Leone’s Ministry of Health to bring change. This started with the basics at the region’s hospital, Koidu Government Hospital: running water, 24-hour electricity, and hiring nurses, community healthworkers, cooks, facilities management staff, and so much more. 
At the time, KGH’s maternity ward had a dirt floor. Many people were dying for want of an emergency C-section or a blood transfusion. By 2019, this was getting better--two functioning operating rooms were able to perform C-sections, and a blood bank could address postpartum hemorrhaging. But it was still inadequate, and maternal and child mortality were horrifyingly routine.
To address the crisis, PIH Sierra Leone directors Jon Lascher and Dr. Baillor Barrie wanted to build a world-class maternal and child health center that could save thousands of lives yearly while also serving as a teaching hospital to train the next generation of Sierra Leonean healthcare workers. They told us they needed $25,000,000 to break ground, and would probably eventually need another $25,000,000 to support the hospital’s operation over its first few years.
I am, as unpaid interns go, doing quite well, but not THAT well. So our family committed what we could and asked others to join us, and within two years, we passed that $25,000,000 goal. Together, we’ve now raised close to $40,000,000. 
Today, I visited the site of the Maternal Center of Excellence, the first wards of which will hopefully open next year. Nearly all of the construction team are from Kono, and 65% of them are women--they work as welders, engineers, planners, laborers, and so much more. You see three of them above. I had the privilege of talking with them about this project. The young woman to the right, Success, told me that her dream is to work for the hospital her whole life, helping to maintain and support it. One of the other women told me, “We are passionate about this work because it is the future of our country. And we know that we and our friends will someday give birth here.” I am so proud that our projects support their training and livelihood, and so grateful to have them as colleagues in this work.
The hospital--which will include over 100 maternal beds, a NICU, and enough operating suites to perform over 10 emergency C-sections per day, will also require ongoing funding for staff, stuff, systems, maintenance, and more. Our hope is that open-ended projects like the Awesome Coffee Club and Awesome Socks Club can help provide that funding, although the most efficient way to support this project is to donate directly! 
So that’s why this tumblr, and the awesome coffee club, exists. World-class maternal and infant healthcare is coming to Kono, a wonderful and  too long impoverished by colonialism and extractive capitalism. It is only a first step. There is so long to go. But what a first step.
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the-fiction-witch · 10 months
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No Girls?
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Media The Maze Runner : Death Cure
Character Newt
Couple Newt X Reader
Rating Smutty / Flirty
Concept A Glade with No Girls
Smut: Sexy Discussions / Sexual Language / Semi Nudity
I sat watching the ocean shift and change with each of its little waves, the ship to the side being worked on relentlessly by anyone with enough skill to do so. I sat repairing various clothes and tent flaps that had been dropped off to me a skill I'd always used and honestly enjoyed something about sitting down with a needle and some thread was so very calming indeed. But I wasn't alone I had newt beside me one of the group A boys who had gotten cosy with Vince I got along with most of them but newt especially we had a comfort with each other I suppose he had a day off from his usual work welding and cutting metal work on the ship a task Vince trained him in as his steady hand was well suited for it. But today he was resting his ankle up sitting with me as I worked. 
"Why didn't you try a big ladder?'
"We did. Couldn't build one big enough."
"What about like scaffolding?'
"Y/n I don't know how else to explain this to you the walls were too big to do that." 
"Did you try a big stick?" I asked and he glared at me "do like a pole vault" 
"Your really just not getting how big these walls are"
"No if it's a wall it can be scaled." 
"Okay so if you could get to the top then what?"
"Walk along the top."
"That doesn't connect. And moves every night"
"Fine. Still sounds dull"
"Says the girl who lived in a shopping centre with a bunch of cranks for two years"
"I wore stylish pre apocalypse fashion, ate so many fancy candies and slept on a whole bed of teddy bears. My life was awesome" 
"Sure sounds like it" he laughed
"So how many girls again?'
"One"
"Ooohh bet you boys fought over her. Or what she just one of those free love types who'd let all of you straight boys at her"
"No, she was only in the glade a week so"
"How long were you in there?'
"Three years"
"And you had one girl for a week?'
"Yeah'
"I'm surprised she got out the box without being drowned"
"...by what?" 
"A river of goo"
He glared at me again "we didn't all immediately jizz ourselves when we saw a girl"
"Really? Cause I think sixty boys in a large maze together for three years would be pretty hyped for a girl. Except the gay guys they probably didn't care all that much. Bisexuals hyped over threewaY possibilities. Asexuals wouldn't really care either" I explained
"I mean Thomas may have jizzed himself but that's because she's his girlfriend"
"Ohh. But you really spent three years with nothing but big smelly boys?"
"Yeah, and it wasn't that bad we had showers"
"Yeah I know what boys are like you showered once in a month if your lucky"
"...true." he sighed 
"Didn't you have buckets too?'
"Yeah for klunk" 
"Did you have laundry?'
'not really. Just brush it off if it gets dirt on it"
"Ugggh I get why the one girl lasted a week she probably couldn't stand the smell, sweaty smell unwashed teenage boys who don't wash their laundry and have shit buckets, all allowed to fester and go all sour"
"Okay now you say it… we probably were disgusting" 
"You shower more now right?"
"Every other day, I would everyday but the showers aren't that private…" 
"Awwww you shy newt?" I giggled
"Shy? Don't want people seeing my dick? Whatever you wanna call it" 
"But really no girls?"
"No girls."
"Awwww poor newtie spent all the formative teen time without anything to imagine" 
"I can imagine. I have an imagination"
"But you spent all that time without comparison. From when you where a tiny baby boy to now big strong boy" I smiled leaning on his shoulder 
"It wasn't that bad"
"What did you use to do? At night?"
"Sleep?"
"Newt, you were trapped in their from what 13 onwards. Your really going to try and tell me you didn't.. you know after lights out" 
"Did you?'
"Constantly I was bored. It helps me sleep"
"Do you… still?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Just… curious" he blushed "no, I uhh never really had time, or the privacy"
"Awwwwww poor newtie." I giggled hugging him tightly and immediately I noticed "hi"
"Hi"
"Be careful with that I only just repaired those pants newt" I warned him going back to my sewing as he turned bright red "newt?'
'yes?" 
"You ever seen boobs?"
"... How much boob?"
"How much have you seen?"
"I saw Teresa's in her shirt… and also a little down her shirt"
"Dirty boy"
"She was laying down it wasn't intentional!"
"That it?"
"That's it" 
"You ever touched a boob?"
"Nope"
"You ever seen ass?"
"I mean I've seen Minho. And fry. Infact most boys"
"I meant girls"
"No."
"Ever seen a? Lady area?"
"No,"
"... would you want to?" I asked 
He went bright red stuttering a lot barely able to make eye contact with me "I mean uhhh well I uhh I guess I uhh what I mean is uhh kinda"
I chuckled and finished my last few stitches throwing my finished work in the basket "you're sweet newt" I smiled moving to stand In Front of him and I lifted my shirt long enough for him to look before dropping it back down and giving his cheek a kiss even if he was basically frozen with his eyes wide in place "see you later" I laughed taking my basket and headed back to camp 
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gabessquishytum · 6 months
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You know what concept doesn’t get explored enough in Dreamling fic? Dream teaching Hob how to read. Like, I’ve seen one or two off mentions of it in canon adjacent fic, but nothing that really gives focus to that idea, y’know? And while I think it would be fun in canon, I’m gonna go au real quick.
So Hob as one of those kids unfortunately left behind. Probably a combination of living in poverty and his undiagnosed adhd. And he’s definitely way too embarrassed by this to actually ask anyone to teach him. So now he’s an adult who doesn’t know much more than his own name and his numbers. And while that probably wouldn’t be enough for most people to get by, what Hob DOES have are people skills. His ability to charm people and talk around them let’s him get through life well enough.
Then there’s Dream, mister wet cat himself. If he’s not an Author™️ then he’s definitely a voracious reader. But he has a personality of a damp paper bag. Like, even he has to admit his lack of social skills is actively hindering his life and relationships at this point. Probably add some autism for ✨flavor✨
But Dream does have moments where he’s too observant for his own good. Which is how he clocks that Hob avoids reading like the plague. (I’m envisioning Hob as a bartender at the pub Dream goes to to try and learn human behavior. But idk if he could avoid reading with that job.)
So Dream corners Hob and proposes a trade off: Dream will teach him how to read and Hob will teach him some social skills. Once Hob realizes he’s not being threatened (seriously, Dream really sucks at this talking to people thing) he hesitantly agrees. At least it’s less embarrassing if Dream also needs to be taught something? And it would be rather helpful…
Obviously during the course of their lessons they fall in love 🥰
This means so much to me!!!! I love it. The idea of Hob hiding the fact that he can't read is so heartbreaking but actually so real and its way more common than people imagine.
I also love the idea of Hob + Dream = One Normal Functioning Adult. That's my favourite thing, when they're each other's missing puzzle piece <3
I figure that Hob might have picked up a few words from around the environment of the bar. Like, each tap has a label on and he knows exactly which is which and he can technically read "Guiness" and "Wherry" and a few others, but they're not the most useful words. Anyways, Dream gets the idea that he'll keep using things around the pub to teach Hob to read: menus, newspapers, posters for old gigs, crisp packets. It's a good way for Hob to build confidence before Dream presents him with an actual book.
And similarly Hob uses the bar as a place to teach Dream about social skills. He coaches him through identifying body language and expressions, quizzing Dream on how he thought each customer might be feeling. Then he encourages three way conversations between him, Dream and regular customers. He gives Dream topics to focus on and gives him safe ways to get out of an interaction that he's not vibing with.
By the time Hob stumbles his way through his first novel, Dream is able to talk to a stranger about the weather without any issues. And they're both mutually crushing on each other so hard!! It only seems fitting that the pub which has been such a cornerstone for their friendship and some pretty awesome personal milestones, is also the place where they have their first date.
Hob reads love sonnets to Dream in a hushed undertone. And it's like the whole building sighs happily at the sights of them together <3
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david-talks-sw · 6 months
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When 'Star Wars' dilutes the impact of a "Kurosawa samurai standoff"...
It's no secret that one of the major inspirations for Star Wars was Akira Kurosawa movies. The Hidden Fortress influenced the basic structure of the first film, was a basis for Lucas' character archetypes and his use of narrative POVs.
But, really, all of Kurosawa's films were an influence on the making of Star Wars. Including the duels seen in his and other samurai films from the 60s.
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Dunno if you've seen a kendo fight, but they're pretty similar.
The duelists size each other up, and there's a lot of mind games going on before the strike actually happens.
If you hold your sword this way, the other guy adjusts his stance.
You move your foot that way, the adversary responds accordingly.
Cinematically, this process allows you to play with a whole treasure trove of elements to build up the drama and suspense. We see this slow-yet-tense approach to dueling reflected all over the Original Trilogy. And we've seen it again in recent Disney-released content.
The perfect and first real example of this in Star Wars is the fight between Ben Kenobi and Maul, in Rebels.
The tension increases more...
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... and more until the two fighters move, the music swells...
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... and then it reaches its climax.
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Beautifully executed.
Dave Filoni's done his homework, it shows, and while it's an awesome homage, narratively it also holds weight. There's a reason why this fight is so quick:
This time, Obi-Wan isn't fighting to avenge the death of his master, he's not fighting to save his own life... he's fighting to protect Luke's. And that means there's no time to fuck about. He'll end the conflict swiftly and decisively, he won't let it come to a prolonged acrobatic fight. So he lures Maul in by making him think he's taking Qui-Gon's form, and strikes true when Maul, increasingly consumed by his own rage to the point of blindness, falls for it.
Again: a wonderful fight and an excellent homage.
Then we get to Luke's stand-off with Kylo on Crait, in The Last Jedi.
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An interesting take on the trope, also with meaningful narrative impact. As Rian Johnson writes in the TLJ screenplay:
"This is not like a saber fight. This like an old-fashioned samurai duel."
Here too, the tension gets built up...
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... and every time we're close to getting that climax, Luke dodges.
It leaves a feeling of dissatisfaction, which is exactly what Kylo is feeling as he boils with rage.
Suddenly, we do get the climax...
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... and a twist. Luke was never actually there. Boom. Those inserts during the build-up phase? If you look at them again they're clues (Luke doesn't leave a mark on the ground, salt doesn't land on his clothes, etc). Luke wasn't engaging because he wasn't actually there, he was buying time for the Resistance to escape.
Okay. Cool.
Next time we see a "Kurosawa" duel... it's here, in The Mandalorian.
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Again, a lot of posing, slow movements and patience, as is expected from the trope.
But we know nothing about the opponent Ahsoka is fighting other than her name is Morgan... so no emotional impact, there.
At some point, Ahsoka loses a lightsaber. The apprentice to the Chosen One is struggling against some rando.
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We find out later on that Morgan is a Nightsister from Dathomir, and that's cool... but we already know how Jedi-trained folks fare against the Dathomiri.
If you ask me, it feels like manufactured stakes. But that's beside the point. In fact, y'know what? It's fine.
Though the impact of this duel isn't as great as its predecessors, the whole episode is filled with visual homages to Kurosawa's work.
It makes sense that the duel would be too. Also it's the first time we're seeing Ahsoka in live action, in a lightsaber duel, the hype is real. Let's cut 'em some slack.
So we come to the series Ahsoka... where almost every duel in the the show has the Kurosawa posturing and tip-toeing and... I dunno. I was bored?
Like, the primary purpose of this approach to duels is that it's meant to be suspenseful and intense... and now it's not.
Because we know Ahsoka is gonna beat the crap outta these droids...
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... so why even bother faking some semblance of "what's her next move gonna be?" suspense? There's a hole right behind her, gee, I truly wonder.
Oh, you think putting her against an Inquisitor's gonna make us fear for her life, wonder if she's gonna get outta this situation unscathed?
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She was wiping the floor with two of them at the same time, a decade prior. At 17, she was killing Inquisitors while disarmed.
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Do you really expect your audience to fear for her life in a fight against Marrok?
So we get to the fight with Baylan, and the posturing and studying opponent's next move would be welcome here (two Order 66 survivors, knew Anakin, both well-trained former Jedi)...
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... if we hadn't literally seen that same dynamic with Marrok who, again, we knew was gonna die.
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No tension was built in either moment, the only thing it achieved was me pressing >> on my keyboard.
It's not captivating anymore, it's just slow and un-dynamic.
Bottom line:
Tributes to Kurosawa are nice. They're part of what makes Star Wars what it is. But c'mon, we get it already.
Lightsaber duelists don't need to tiptoe around each other and change poses at every fight. Because when the actually meaningful duels come up (like the one with Baylan), the impact will be lessened.
The "Kurosawa samurai duel" is artistic and interesting, but it should be used sparingly in order to maintain its charm and not get old and trope-y. AKA too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing.
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