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sunshine-on-my-mind · 2 years

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The Mobster’s Wife

pairing: Mob!Lloyd Hansen x Plus size reader

a/n: hey cuties, this is my first time writing a Mob AU so I really hope you all like it. Please read the warnings before moving forward.

warnings: 18+ Minors Dni Mob AU, mentions of being a mobster and implied themes, no graphic details, angst, arranged marriage, crying, reader has body insecurities, implied body shaming (not from Lloyd), cooking and eating mentioned, doubts of infidelity (but nothing really), overthinking, fluff, soft moments, kissing, mention of sex but nothing happens, flirting. Let me know if I missed anything.

words: 5.3k

Comments and Reblogs are appreciated

-> Next Chapter ; Drabbles ; Asks

Some say you are happiest on the day you become a bride.

In your case, you didn’t even know what to feel. A cloud of confusion wrapped you up when you walked down the aisle. All eyes on you, judging, measuring and probably calculating the outcome of this wedding.

Your eyes landed on the man you were destined to call your husband. His jaw sharp, beautiful blue eyes that had a sense of dominance in them, plump pink lips making a straight line, making it hard to read what might be going in his mind. But the feature that stood out most on his conventionally beautiful face, was a neatly trimmed moustache.

Everything was mechanical after that, the vows, the rings, the kiss, everything. Cheers and claps brought you out of the trance and it hit you suddenly that you were indeed married at that point. You were Mrs. Hansen.

Dinner involved loud toasts and speeches, mainly with the intention of impressing your husband. Everyone wanted to be in his good books, and why wouldn’t they? Lloyd Hansen was one of the most powerful and influential mobsters of the city. And the man lived up to his image.

Even though everything was so loud around you, you didn’t miss the absolute silence that surrounded your husband and you. And that silence continued when you found yourself in front of your new house, a massive one.

Being the daughter of a mobster, you were not unfamiliar with luxury and riches, sure you tried to stay away from all of it as much as possible because you didn’t want to be a part of the mobster life, in fact you wanted to get out of the city, the country if it was possible and live an independent life, away from it all.

But life had other plans, or rather your family. You hardly knew the man you got married to. His house spoke a lot about him, you realised as you walked inside his grand home. Dark hues all around, had a gorgeous glow, minimalistic and fashionable, a lot like the man who was walking beside you. The silence still there.

It was only broken when his men entered, they exchanged a few words, your focus on taking in the interiors of your new home.

When they left, your husband turned towards you, as if finally seeing you. The more his sharp gaze took you in, the more insecure you felt about yourself. You wrapped your hands around your upper body and looked down, but his gaze didn’t leave you yet. You felt heat rushing to your cheeks. The heat was gone in a moment as a cold voice reached your ears.

“Your room is upstairs, you can decorate it however you want to.” Lloyd spoke, his first words to you “My room is downstairs and I like my privacy. I don’t expect much from you but there are certain rules you must follow. There are areas in this house which are off limits. The rest you are free to explore unless I tell you not to, in case I have some important meeting here. Don’t go out of the house without informing me. I’ll arrange a car for you.”

There was complete lack of emotions behind his voice as he went on with the rules.

“I expect you the follow the rules, another thing I expect from you, but won’t demand, is for you to cook for me.” And with that Lloyd left you behind making his way upstairs. When he saw you weren’t following him, he stood in his place and sighed.

“Do I have to invite you? I’m showing you your room, hurry up I don’t have all the time in the world.” Lloyd didn’t try to hide his irritation.

So that was how your married life was supposed to be. Sure it was an arranged marriage, you weren’t expecting love. And you knew from what you had heard about Lloyd that he wasn’t exactly a soft man. You wondered what this marriage had in store for you, as you went up the stairs.

With a huff, Lloyd opened the door of your room. You both went inside. A big but dull room, not like the rest of the house you saw. Perhaps a guest room?

“This will be your room from now on. No one will disturb you here. If you want to buy something for your room, or something for yourself go ahead. here keep this card.” Lloyd gave you a credit card. You were still in a haze about everything. Was this how mob marriages were supposed to be?

Before the wedding one of your main concerns was to share a room and a bed with a stranger. At least that won’t be a problem. But you didn’t feel relieved at all, a pit of doubt formed in your stomach. Was this all happening because of your appearance? He must had known how you looked before agreeing to the marriage right? Or maybe you were overthinking and this was just how most of these marriages were. Mobsters had the image of being with many women. Perhaps Lloyd was one of them.

All you could do was nod to let your husband know you had understood everything. With that Lloyd left your room. As the door shut, a little harshly maybe, all the negative thoughts came rushing to you, and it didn’t help when you ventured in front of the mirror and saw yourself in your wedding dress. Alone, on your wedding night.

You used to have some insecurities about your body but you had tried your best to overcome them and you were definitely in a much better place. That was before you were left alone in that big room, on your wedding night.

It was difficult to explain, because not that you were eager to be sleeping with a stranger, a mobster, the worst ideas about what he might do to you and your body had already flashed in front of your eyes many times before the wedding. Mob families were full of misogyny, hence there was an unspoken, actually sometimes directly spoken rule of pleasing the husbands, and always doing what they said. You were nervous and scared about your wedding night, but even with those multiple thoughts, being left alone somehow didn’t cross your mind. Did Lloyd leave because he didn’t like the way you looked? Did he leave because he wasn’t at all attracted to you?

Lloyd didn’t even talk to you properly, or ask anything about you. Just informed you what he wanted to and left. You hardly knew him but you sure wanted to learn more about the man you were supposed to spend your life with, unfortunately or fortunately, that didn’t seem to be the case with Lloyd.

Your luggage was already there in your room and you changed into something comfortable. The bed was big, and soft. You lied down and covered up yourself with a blanket. Sleep sleep sleep sleep. Tried your best to fall in slumber. And you did, eventually after some turning and tossing.

The next morning you woke up and got ready for the day. You made your way down towards the kitchen. All it took was a little exploring, and you found some ingredients and utensils to make a simple breakfast. You didn’t know what Lloyd liked so you decided to stick to classics. Toast, eggs, bacon and a fresh pot of coffee.

Soon you could hear footsteps towards the kitchen, and the confidence the footsteps had, made it clear, it was none other than the owner of the house. You looked at him, even in the morning he was well dressed, hair neatly gelled back.

“Morning” you wished Lloyd and in return got a nod. “I’ve made breakfast, didn’t know what you like-” you couldn’t finish before Lloyd made his way towards the dining table, and started reading a newspaper. Clearly not interested in listening to whatever you had to say.

You took a deep breath, and tried to deny the little pang you felt in your chest. Serving the breakfast on a plate, and pouring coffee in a cup, you took it to the table and placed it in front of your husband. His face was still behind the newspaper.

“I hope you like the food.” And finally the newspaper was out of the way and Lloyd looked straight into your eyes. His piercing gaze had quite an effect on you. No further words were exchanged.

Lloyd started eating and you joined him on the table with your food and coffee. You wanted to start a conversation but didn’t know how. Lloyd’s focus was on the food, his phone chimed and his focus shifted towards his phone. You gave up and started eating.

He was soon done eating and with a quick ‘thank you’ he left you alone. Again.

And that became your routine for the next few days. You were alone most of the time, explored the house, the parts you were allowed to see of course, got acquainted with it. There was a Television in your room and you decided to binge watch something, to keep yourself distracted from other things.

The only time you weren’t alone was during breakfast and sometimes dinner, Lloyd generally accompanied you. He had informed you he was usually out during the day so no need to prepare lunch for him and that sometimes he would come home late so not to wait for him. You always prepared dinner for him though, when he was late you kept it in the fridge. Left a note there, to let him know.

One night, when Lloyd was late again, you decided to wait up. When he arrived it was quite late. You were sitting at the dining table, reading a book to stay up.

“What are you doing?” Lloyd’s deep voice made his presence known. You were quite invested in the book so you didn’t hear his footsteps.

“I’m- I was waiting for you to come home” Lloyd sighed and ran his fingers through his now slightly disheveled hair. “How was your day?” You asked bravely, hoping to get some response from him. Anything.

“I told you, you don’t have to stay up for me. You should have gone to bed.”

“I wanted to. I wanted to check on you.”

“You don’t have to.” Lloyd sighed again. “And to answer your question, I’m alive aren’t I? So you can get from that how my day was.” You gulped and looked down.

“I’ve made dinner.” You almost whispered.

“Yeah I can heat it and have it on my own, you don’t have to stay. You can go sleep.” Only if he understood that you wanted to stay.

Or maybe he did understand that, and that was why he wanted you to leave. Maybe he didn’t want to spend time with you. Not like Lloyd had not done or said anything to make you fee otherwise. The time you spent together felt obligatory or just to maintain decency. You wished him a good night and went back to your room.

There wasn’t much change in the following few weeks, except you stopped trying to make conversation with your husband. You did what you were supposed to and kept to yourself.

“I have a party to attend today” Lloyd spoke while you two were having breakfast. Why was he informing you suddenly? He hardly ever told you his plans for the day. Was he- was he inviting you to go with him? You got lost in your thoughts and Lloyd tried to figure what you might be thinking.

“You’re invited as well but you don’t have to go, I’m don’t think you’ll like the company.” Oh, it wasn’t an invitation. You nodded. Of course Lloyd didn’t want you there. Why would he? He would probably be embarrassed if he was seen with you. The man was quite attractive, gorgeous beautiful ladies were desperate for him. God they’d probably lick his wounds if he just spared them a glance. There was no way he would want to be seen with you.

You let out an ‘okay’ and focused on eating. Lloyd could sense something going on in your head but he didn’t know you enough and shouldn’t assume anything. As usual he was finished eating before you and he left the table with his usual ‘thank you’.

Sleep felt like a distant thought that night. Your mind filled with thoughts of Lloyd and what he might be doing in the party. Did he have a mistress, or many? Was that another reason he didn’t want you at the party, would she be there?

You desperately tried to remove those thoughts from your mind and think about positive things, but you didn’t find any. Eventually your mind got tired of thinking and let you sleep.

The next morning you had breakfast alone. No sign of Lloyd. Later you got a call from him.

“I’ll come home early today, I have a meeting in the evening. I’ll have some people over. And I don’t want you to come down tonight when the meeting takes place, understood? Stay in your room.” And as soon as he was done speaking he hung up the phone.

The rest of the day went by quickly and soon it was evening. You had already prepared dinner so that you won’t have to go down later. Unfortunately you didn’t bring up any of that food to your room.

It was getting late and you were getting hungry. Maybe if you quickly grabbed some food it won’t be a problem. Besides, the meeting was taking place in the office, which was far away from the kitchen.

You silently went down and opened the door of the fridge, but before you could do anything, an angry, very angry Lloyd appeared behind you.

“Do you not know how to follow simple instructions?”

You kept quiet, looked away.

“Answer me. I don’t like repeating myself.”

“I’m sorry I just-“

“You’re sorry? What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? I told you not to come down. It was a simple and clear instruction. Are you that dumb?”

And the angrier his tone got, the more you lost control of your emotions.

“I-“ You looked at him with teary eyes.

“Are you fucking crying right now? Is that supposed make me feel bad when you’re the one who didn’t follow instructions? You know what, I’m done talking to you. Go up to your room and cry all you want there. Just not in front of me. I have a meeting to get back to. I don’t have time-“ The tables turned, and it was Lloyd who couldn’t finish his sentence this time. You ran past him. Went up to your room as quickly you could and shut the door.

Lloyd sighed and went back to his meeting. You on the other hand cried your heart out. Everything piled up together and you couldn’t hold it in any longer. In that moment you truly realised how alone you were. You had no one, and your husband hated you.

When Lloyd’s meeting got over, he went to the kitchen. As soon as he opened the door of the fridge to get his dinner, he realised there was another container of food, resembling the one kept for him.

Oh fuck. You must had come down to get your dinner. Lloyd closed the fridge and made his way up to your bedroom. He wasn’t sure what he would do or say, but his feet were moving on their own towards your room, before his mind could process much.

As he stood outside your room, he could hear your cries. Lloyd didn’t feel much for people, but something about you was breaking all his walls and he was nervous about it. He barely knew you. Lloyd didn’t trust people easily. That didn’t mean it didn’t affect him at all to see you cry. To hurt you unintentionally. He was just trying to protect you from any kind of possible danger.

Lloyd realised that damage was already done and it would be better to give you space. That was how your husband always tried to make you feel comfortable, by giving you space. If he only knew it was having the exact opposite effect.

The next day you didn’t show up for breakfast. Lloyd found the kitchen empty as well as the dining table. He realised he had royally fucked up. Or maybe you were simply late? But you were never late.

Lloyd decided to wait for you. His day was comparatively less packed. An hour turned into two. Still there was no sign of you. With a deep sigh. Lloyd made his way up to your bedroom. He knocked on your door.

You woke up early in the morning after crying yourself to sleep last night. But you didn’t feel like leaving your room. You were still wrapped up in your blanket when you heard the knock on the door. Maybe Lloyd was angry because you didn’t make breakfast, but to be fair you didn’t really care about it at that moment. Dragging your feet towards the door, you opened it.

Your eyes were puffy due to crying. But you made sure not to drop a single drop of tear in front of your husband. No words came out of you, you didn’t have anything to say to be fair.

“You should get something to eat.” Lloyd managed to speak out, his voice had no anger. A little concern maybe but you were too upset to notice.

“I don’t feel like eating”

“But you-“ Lloyd cleared his throat “you haven’t eaten anything since yesterday” A humourless chuckle left your mouth.

“That doesn’t concern you does it? It’s not like you care.”

“Doesn’t matter if I care or not” Lloyd replied.

“You don’t care, just admit you don’t. Admit that you are embarrassed by me and that’s why you didn’t want anyone to see me. That’s why you were so adamant about me not going down wasn’t it? You are ashamed of me.” Your voice was slowly getting louder.

“You think I asked you to stay in your room because I’m ashamed of you? The people who were attending the meeting were dangerous people, bad people, I wanted you to stay here so that you were safe. I was trying to protect you.”

“Really? Everyone is afraid of you, what possibly could those people have done?”

“Well I’m not going to justify my decisions. It’s my responsibility to protect you and that’s what I was doing.”

“Fine, even if that was the case yesterday, what about the day before, when you didn’t want me to go to that party, huh? You even said I was invited, still didn’t take me with you, why? I’ll tell you, it’s because you are ashamed of me.”

“The only reason I didn’t take you with me is because I have heard you don’t like the mob world. I thought this marriage is already a burden for you and that I shouldn’t trouble you more by making you attend these parties.” Lloyd spoke loudly but only to make his point. But he wasn’t angry at you, he was angry at himself for making you feel that he might be ashamed of you. That wasn’t the case at all. Lloyd knew this marriage was just a deal, between two Mob families. Of course it wasn’t an ideal marriage, and whatever he had heard about you, from his different sources, was that you didn’t want to belong in this world of violence, but unfortunately you got married into it. So giving you space felt like he was doing you a favour.

Lloyd wasn’t always proud of everything he did but he knew it was necessary. That made him believe the less you knew about him, the less you would dislike him. He didn’t want his wife to dislike him, or worse, be scared of him. Hence pushing you away seemed like the only reasonable thing to do.

But in that moment, Lloyd realised keeping you at distance had a reverse effect than what he had intended.

“I’m not ashamed of you. I didn’t realise you felt like that.” You kept quiet, still looking away “Hey look at me.” And you did.

“There is actually another party tonight, I wasn’t gonna go anyway, but if you want to, we can both go together.” You weren’t really in the mood to attend a party, but if it was just crumbs you were gonna get as hopes of spending time with your husband, then you were gonna take them.

“Alright. We can go together.” Came your reply, and Lloyd gave you a nod.

“Let’s have breakfast now come on.”

“You haven’t had breakfast yet?” You asked and he shook his head.

“What do you wanna eat?“ You asked.

“I was thinking about cooking today. Do you like pesto eggs?”

For the first time in your married life, you didn’t feel that distant to your husband. It wasn’t like you both talked a lot, hardly in fact, still it felt like the air around you was a little more relaxed than usual.

The pesto eggs Lloyd made were truly very delicious.

“This is so good.” You commented without looking up from your plate. Lloyd smiled.

Your husband had some work to do, he went to complete them in his home office, while you decided to do something about your current cried out appearance. You were nervous about what to wear for the party.

Finally settled on a long black dress that wasn’t too tight, or too loose, just the perfect fit, most importantly one that looked pretty good, and made you feel comfortable.

When Lloyd saw you in that dress it was very hard for him to not keep staring at you. You always looked so cute but tonight, wow.

“You look nice.” You weren’t used to many compliments. And thus you didn’t really know how to respond to them and decided to stick with the classic response, ‘thank you’

“You look nice too.” It was true, actually Lloyd always looked so handsome. You would be lying if you said you haven’t stared at him from time to time when he wasn’t looking.

The car ride to the party was mostly silent. Both of you stole glances when you thought the other wasn’t looking. One time you caught Lloyd looking at you and you couldn’t help but feel shy under his gaze. Before getting out of the car Lloyd finally broke the silence.

“As I had said earlier, these people might not be the best company for you, but since we are here, let’s try to have a good time. But if something happens, if you feel uncomfortable or even boring, just let me know and we’ll leave. Alright?” You nodded as a smile appeared on your face. Maybe he did care about you.

The party was truly nothing you had ever seen or experienced. Mobsters, rich businessmen, influential people everywhere, not to forget the gorgeous women adding to the grandeur of the party. And the air carried a distinct smell of alcohol mixed with hints of danger.

It was all kind of overwhelming, and something about the party wasn’t sitting right with you, maybe simply because it was all new to you, and also because Lloyd rightly said those people weren’t definitely your ideal company.

Lloyd introduced you to some people before excusing himself when he was called by others. You tried roaming around but the way most people looked you up and down, scanning, wondering how you were chosen as the lucky one to be Lloyd Hansen’s wife made you feel uneasy.

You tried to ignore the whispers and poorly covered laughs, you even heard things like ‘her father must be very influential and rich if Lloyd married someone like her’ and ‘of course this marriage is nothing but a deal, look at them, they don’t fit together’

Their words finally got to you when your eyes began to moisten. You made your way towards the bar, but there were too many people present. Who were you kidding when you thought you can belong in this world? Most of those people were either too heartless, too misogynistic or too full of themselves. Definitely not your type of crowd. Those people only understood money and power.

Your eyes automatically started scanning for Lloyd. You didn’t have to look much, as the man appeared right beside you.

“What’s wrong?” His question made you look away to wipe off any sign of tears, his words still fresh in your mind which had made you decide never to cry in front of him.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. Did someone say anything to you?” His voice a mixture of concern and anger, anger which you could feel wasn’t directed towards you.

You shook your head. Technically it wasn’t a lie, no one said anything directly to you. Lloyd didn’t push you more on that topic. The way you avoided his eyes and fidgeted with your hands made it quite evident that no matter what happened, you didn’t feel comfortable in that atmosphere.

“We’re leaving, come on. This party is too boring anyway.”

The ride back home was almost nerve wracking. Would Lloyd be angry at you? He did say you probably won’t like the party but you still wanted to go. And now you’re leaving quite early. Although Lloyd hadn’t shown any signs of anger towards you, the slight tick in his jaw made you feel worried.

As soon as you were home, you decided it’s best to get to the point and apologise before things could go wrong any further.

“I’m sorry.” Your random apology caught Lloyd off guard.

“Huh? What are you apologising for?” His question made you question yourself. Exactly, why were you? Except the part that you didn’t take Lloyd’s suggestion and still went to the party, you didn’t exactly do anything wrong, did you?

“I- I don’t know. I’m sorry to disappoint you I guess.”

“You didn’t disappoint me.” Lloyd took a deep breath. “Can I ask you something, answer me honestly, why did you want to go to that party? It was clear you didn’t feel comfortable there, and that those assholes aren’t exactly your ideal type of people. You have grown up in a mob family, I’m sure you know how those people can get, and I’m also sure you are not like them. So why?” You gulped. Lloyd definitely knew more about you than you expected, or he very quickly had understood a lot about you.

“I get so alone in the house. I didn’t want to feel so lonely, I wanted to spend time with you.” You answered without beating around the bush. Not that it didn’t make you extremely nervous to say those words. A smile, no a smirk appeared on Lloyd’s face.

“Hmm so my pretty wife wanted attention from me? If that was the case you could have just asked for it” Lloyd came closer to you with each word. But then the playfulness of his tone shifted to something more caring “Did I actually make you feel so alone?” You nodded

“Truth be told, I felt giving you space was what you needed. I know it’s not easy giving up your life and start living with a stranger, that to with a mobster. It felt like the less you know about me the better it would be. But now, I guess it wasn’t such a good idea.” Lloyd confessed and gently held your hand. “I’ll try to do better from now on.”

“Lloyd, you know, I thought you kept your distance from me because of the way I look, many people have implied I’m not beautiful before, so I got used to it. And when you didn’t interact much with me, even though I tried, I thought that was the case.“

“Who told you you’re not beautiful? Did someone insult you? Give me names, you know I can-“ Your chuckle stopped him mid-speech. You couldn’t help it, you liked the way he suddenly got all protective over you.

“Listen, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and you have the most beautiful heart. Far too beautiful for an asshole like me.”

In that moment, he didn’t feel like Mobster Lloyd, but just your husband.

“Now coming back to the part where you wanted my attention,” Lloyd teased and you couldn’t help they way you felt warm. Your husband had a smirk on his face as he took in your form.

“How about you go get changed and come to my room?” A soft gasp escaped your lips on hearing that. Lloyd chuckled.

“Don’t worry I’m just inviting you to my room, not asking to have sex with you,” he paused and leaned closer to your ear “Unless you want to.” Shivers ran down your body, because of the proximity and his words. Involuntarily you bit your lip and tried to form a reply.

“No, um- not yet. I don’t even know you properly.”

“Well you don’t need to know someone to have sex with them wifey, hope you know that, hm?” Did the man know what he was doing to you? He definitely did, his cocky attitude and smirk made it clear.

“I know that, but you’re not just someone are you? You’re my husband, and I want to know you first.”

“You’re a smart girl, wifey. I like that.” A genuine smile graced Lloyd’s face “Alright then, freshen up and come to my room.” You nodded and quickly went to your room to get changed.

As you stood in front of Lloyd’s bedroom, you felt excited but also nervous, but before you could ponder much, Lloyd came out.

“Come on in” your husband held the door open for you. Lloyd’s room was not only big but matched his personality perfectly. “You look cute.” You weren’t sure what to wear so you decided to go with some comfy shorts and T-shirt.

“Thank you.” Lloyd motioned at the bed for you to get in.

“Make yourself comfortable.” You sat down on the bed while Lloyd lied down beside you.

“Are you planning to sleep like that?” he asked you with a chuckle. Well he had a point, so eventually you lied down beside him.

It all felt so foreign, and so weird to be sharing a bed with your husband more than a month later after getting married. You were feeling overwhelmed, happy and sad at the same time.

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours? Don’t think too much okay? Let’s focus on this moment.” Lloyd tried to be as sweet as he could. “I’m happy you are here. I don’t really know how to apologise because I haven’t had to till now, but I apologise for being rude, and hurting you.” You gave him a smile.

“Can we try to be there for each other from now on?” The sincerity in your tone and the soft expression on your face made Lloyd feel things he didn’t realise he could.

“Yeah, let’s try that.” His answer was good enough for you.

After taking your permission, your husband softly wrapped his arm around you. You felt protected. And not alone.

Lloyd leaned in and waited till you gave him a nod, then attached his lips to yours. This was different than the first kiss you shared together, on your wedding day. It was full of care and compassion and didn’t feel obligatory.

In that moment you were hopeful about the future and what it brought for the two of you. Maybe married life won’t be so bad.

“Hey, let’s get some sleep now okay? You’ve had a long day.” It was true, you could feel the exhaustion in your body. You gave him a nod.

“Although before we sleep, I have a very important question to ask” Lloyd asked seriously and it made you look at him curiously.

“What do you think about my Moustache?”

#lloyd hansen x reader #lloyd hansen x plus size reader #lloyd hansen mob au #mob!lloyd hansen #chris evans x reader #chris evans x plus size reader #lloyd hansen fluff #lloyd hansen angst

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 11 months

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Trigun Thoughts Vol. 1 Pt. 2

So now that I've finished with volume 1, I just wanted to write down a couple thoughts I've had and neat things to point out so far

When I was watching Stampede, I took note of a few kind of textbook avoidant behaviours Vash engages in, and lo and behold, here he is in the manga displaying even more of them. I'll list out a few here.

In order, we have:

Casually asking for a time limit on the interaction (ie. "How long do I have to keep this up before I can leave?")

Attempting to lose people in a crowd

Leaving without saying anything (and as a bonus, dreading being recognized in public)

Over-indulging or over-involving oneself in social events to create a viable excuse to leave suddenly (in this case, he uses alcohol as a reason to "pass out")

Sleeping to avoid unwanted conversation

Escaping to the bathroom to get away for a bit (and also to grumble about it haha)

Playing off sincere reactions by deliberately allowing them to be misinterpreted to avoid personal questions

It's really obvious, even this early in the manga, that Vash is intentionally avoiding prolonged interaction with people, and only involving himself in situations by necessity. He doesn't like attention on himself - the only reason he intentionally draws it is to divert it away from others.

The reason for this is a bit muddy though. It does seem that Vash doesn't particularly enjoy being caught up in drama, and it is also very likely he wishes to get in and out of places as quickly as possible to avoid them getting caught up in his drama too. It may even be that he finds prolonged socializing kind of tiring; that he needs a certain amount of time to himself.

But then there's also this bit, shortly after the celebration, where he pretends to pass out.

This brings in a bit of a guilt aspect to it. It likely has to do with July, or maybe it's due to something else (at this point, we can't say), but I think it's notable that Vash cuts things off shortly before they become intimate. He can play along to make others happy and to share in their joy for a bit, but the second things get too personal or focused on him, he will quietly slip away. Now this is specifically an instance of physical intimacy, but I think it'd probably hold for emotional intimacy as well, given the continuous avoidance and misdirection he does to prevent too many questions.

I made some commentary on Stampede Vash's self-punishing behaviours - specifically, the way he denies himself food. I don't want to get too into it because I don't know if everyone reading this has seen Stampede, but food is framed as something to be shared in the show - so, denying himself food is denying himself the right to share with others, which is denying himself belonging, which is denying himself any semblance of intimacy. (It means other things too, as food-sharing is associated with Rem, but I don't want to get too into it here.)

Vash in the manga doesn't seem to have the same issues with eating, but this is a similar premise - he's denying himself intimacy out of a sense of not being deserving of it.

So, then, there are probably many interwoven reasons for Vash's avoidance - he's sick of the chaos that follows him around, he doesn't want others getting hurt, he gets tired from having to "play it up" all the time, and he seems to also feel that he doesn't deserve that closeness. I'm intrigued to see how Vash's avoidance will be tackled going forward (I'm assuming it will?), and I suspect, more than there being one right reason for it, that all these reasons are actually true to an extent.

On a completely different note, this panel here is the biggest mood. I feel it in my bones.

#me looking at vash's avoidant strategies: ha ha ha. i do that.#me: ...wait. no. that's bad.#meryl says 'vash stop getting into situations' and vash says 'i am trying to get OUT of the situations! i don't want to be here either!!!'#i do think there's a lot of... exhaustion to his character we don't see as much with stampede vash. manga vash looks TIRED man.#it makes sense. we know vash isn't... happy. to say the least.#playing it up all the time when you are not happy - i can tell you any social interaction becomes flat out exhausting #you're always acting. you feel like you have to be so careful with what you say. it's far less draining to just leave the room.#trigun #trigunbookclub #vash the stampede #trigun meta #storyrambles #if i'm just saying what is incredibly obvious or repeating what others have already said i'm sorry.#once i'm caught up i'll follow the book club tag and read what others have written!

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ooihcnoiwlerh · 10 days

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Hello, Darlings! I am back with another chapter of my Feyd-Rautha/Reader arranged marriage fic. (18+ only) Strong content warning and tags below the cut.

@richardslady121 @blazeflays @wo-ming-bai . Please let me know if you would also like to be tagged in future updates!

Trigger warning for this chapter: There are mentions of and references to child abuse, sexual abuse, and incest--none of it graphic, all of it occurring in the past. There is also dubcon/the Reader finding hard limits and triggers without realizing she had them. I feel like the last couple of chapters I've written were mostly smutty fun and this chapter...is not that. I wouldn't recommend going into this blind if you haven't read any of this already. The link to the full fanfic so far is posted above, and I'll cross post the newest chapter down below.

CHAPTER SIX: HIS LOVELY NEPHEW

You don’t have to wonder for too long if Feyd-Rautha wants to train you this morning. You prepare for it with nearly as much sinking dread as you felt before your wedding, pulling on your training pants and shirt that must’ve been laundered since yesterday morning and plaiting your hair. You’re about to put on your boots when Idrisa comes in with her tray and says, “Good morning, Na-Baroness. The Na-Baron will not be needing you in the Training Halls today.”

Just dressing for breakfast, then. There’s a part of you that’s reasonably certain that Feyd-Rautha likes your old clothes from your home planet, just as he likes your hair, but since your first day as a married woman the Baron has insisted that you dress only in the Harkonnen style. You can hardly imagine what he thinks of you keeping your hair. Eventually it won’t matter what he thinks about you; he’s an old man whose body has been kept intact only due to the best of Harkonnen technology and healing, but not even that can make him immortal. At least, you hope not.

So off comes the training gear, on goes another Harkonnen dress that’s snug enough that you won’t be able to wear it for long as you wonder if you’ll be able to tell when you’re pregnant. How early will your body recognize it? Will you have a moment soon in which you’ll just know , or will it take a visit from the Bene Gesserit? You certainly couldn’t begin to guess right now.

Idrisa escorts you to the Dining Halls, probably noting your silence and the nervous set in your shoulders but, of course, saying nothing. You don’t want to go in when you reach those double doors, but would normally accept your fate were it not for a split second before Idrisa’s about to open them.

You hold up a hand. Wait. There's murmuring on the other side. You lean in, walking closer to the sound until you can press your ear against the wall a couple meters to the left of the doors.

“I trust you’ve been fulfilling your marital duties, my lovely boy?” the Baron says. He’s close enough that he must not have sat down for breakfast yet. It sounds like he’s hovering with the aid of his suspensor technology.

“I have.” Feyd-Rautha’s voice, curt and hauntingly similar to his uncle’s, makes you want to turn and walk away.

“I had no doubts, of course. I’ve heard what a virile man you’ve become.”

You furrow your brow. As much as it turns your stomach to think about it, you know that your father wouldn’t talk to your brother this way.

“Those Bene Gesserit whores want you to sire an heir immediately,” the Baron continues. “So of course you’ll have to do your due diligence and make sure your little pet is carrying your son as soon as possible.”

You flush at the insult. I’m hardly his pet, you filthy old man . And not that you expect your groom to defend you, not when he sees you as hardly more of a person than his uncle, but you almost hope that he calls you his wife. After all, he likes it when you call him your husband.

There’s a moment of silence, and even through the door you can sense the tension.

“That won’t be an issue, uncle,” Feyd-Rautha says finally.

You've finally had enough; you glance over at Idrisa, who immediately looks down and opens the doors for you.

You realize that they were looking at an old portrait of the Baron lining the nearest wall that’s either far too flattering or suggests that around the time of his coronation decades ago he must’ve been over a hundred kilos lighter than he is now. You don’t know when it will be replaced with a portrait of Feyd-Rautha, who spares you only a brief glance.

So he hasn’t forgiven you . For what, you’re still not certain. You’re still trying to figure out his anger.

I didn’t cause those scars , you want to tell him, and I wasn’t mocking you for having them .

When you curtsy towards him and the Baron, you’re certain that they know you could hear at least part of their conversation, but you’re not entirely sure if the Baron either doesn’t care that you heard or how you’d react or if he feels smug knowing that he’s reminded you of your place within this Fortress, as if he’d ever let you forget. Feyd-Rautha doesn’t seem to react at all, his face a mask of cold indifference even as you can sense the tension he keeps coiled in his lean but powerful frame.

You’re almost surprised that he continues his habit of pulling your chair out for you before he takes his seat beside you, but you realize that it’s because the Baron must have picked up on this practice from your wedding reception and will immediately sniff out something to use against either of you if he senses anything amiss.

Of course, if the Baron were familiar with how marriage typically works, he’d know that spouses tend to talk to each other, especially over a meal. They don’t sit in awkward silence barely looking at one another for an entire half hour.

It’s more of the same; the Baron oscillates between being condescending to Feyd-Rautha and complimentary, offering vague comments on Rabban’s disappointing return to governing Arrakis and mentioning a possible sighting for another planet that could provide spice without a hostile population fighting them over it. The Baron doesn’t acknowledge you in part because you’re fairly certain he forgets you’re even there; Feyd-Rautha because, well, because. Because of whatever he has buried beneath the surface that you may have awakened. In the early morning, still half-asleep, you didn’t fully realize it, but two memories jump out at you as you sit silently at the table with your husband and his uncle and sneak stolen glances at them both.

“ Guess I just wasn’t pretty enough to be our uncle’s favorite .” Hardly more than a week ago; the way the very air seemed sucked out of the room when Rabban said it, Feyd’s reaction. The seed, though, had been planted years before you understood it, before you were arranged to marry into this twisted family.

“ I can’t prove it, I can’t explain it, but Vladimir Harkonnen has something going on that he doesn’t even want other Harkonnens to know. Something fucked up ,” Father had said once to one of his generals as you’d trailed in just outside of sight. “ Worse than any of his other vices .”

When you were a little younger, but old enough to consider the realistic implications of an arranged marriage, you'd feared marrying into a family in which your father-in-law liked to sample his son's bride. The Baron is as close to a father-in-law that you're getting, and you're confident that he would never do such a thing to you. Not out of honor or respect, you’ve known that he has none for you since the moment you met, but because his inclinations lie elsewhere.

You were prepared for a lot, but you didn’t expect to spend an agonizing meal wondering how horrific the Baron’s treatment of your husband has been over the years.

You'd wondered in the past what tastes the Baron must have that the mere concept of which had disgusted your father years ago. Animals? The dead? Children? All concepts that turn your stomach and when you think about the way he talks to his nephew even now, the scars on his back, the very fact that Feyd tried to kill him during his adolescence, you’re pretty sure you have your answer. Still, it just seems impossible; the two of them sit next to each other as if everything’s normal.

If it’s true, then how? Feyd-Rautha is still so subservient to him, so deferential even if he’s about as friendly towards his uncle as he is everyone else, which is to say, not at all. The closest anyone’s gotten to bringing it up was Rabban, and that was to imply that his little brother…you can’t bring yourself to think about it… slept his way to the top of his family lineage?

The very real possibility seems too awful to be real, but it’s also the most obvious explanation.

You head back to the library immediately after breakfast, returning a couple of documents and heading back to your quarters with an armful more. You could sense the librarian’s nervousness when you specified which documents you wanted, but he complied with a quiet “Yes, Na-Baroness.” It’s a little disconcerting that he’d be anxious over what information you’ll find, but you disregard the part of you that suggests that maybe it’s easier to remain ignorant. You need to know.

The door’s been fitted connecting your bathroom to his, so you’ll be able to slip into one another’s quarters with greater ease. You would’ve been far more grateful for it yesterday, back when your new husband seemed to actually want to be with you. You don’t give it another thought as you spread everything out and start reading.

You’re pretty sure that you now have all the documents that chronicle Feyd-Rautha’s assassination attempt. Fourteen, punished severely, yes, you already have that. You try to find a cause listed, and come up empty. You do, however, find details of what his punishment was.

Three days, apparently. Three days of severe beatings only to be healed with a potent elixir before being subjected to another round, but with the Baron merciful enough to his young heir to heal all of his scars except lash marks on his back. He left them to serve as a reminder never to betray his uncle again. There are a couple of renderings of him from that time; a skinny boy with a narrow face and an angry set in his jaw. It’s the eyes, though, that make you wince. It’s the bags around them that seem entirely wrong for a boy that age, the haunted look in them. Since the moment you met him there was something calculating yet almost inhuman in them. Here there’s just pain and anger.

He was just a kid. This wasn’t some underhanded tactic to seize power; it was the desperate act of an angry boy in pain.

After being spared his life, he went missing, only to be found on Lankiveil days later. He’d managed to find passage under a fake name. You look at the date, furrow your brow, and then check on the other records you’ve held onto–the date of his mother’s death.

They match up; the day the Harkonnens found and captured Feyd-Rautha was the same day his mother was found murdered.

You inhale sharply, getting up and pacing around the room, running your hands through your hair.

Are you surprised? Why? To say that the Baron’s corrupt would be to look into the ocean and say, ‘Ah, yes. There’s water in that.’

You flinch when you hear a knock at the door, feeling silly for thinking for a brief moment, It’s Harkonnen guards coming to execute me for reading about their scandals .

“Who is it?” you ask, voice breaking, and exhaling in relief when Idrisa calls to tell you she has refreshments for you. Water, fruit, a sort of lemon-ginger sparkling water as well that she claims is excellent for digestion. She sets the tray on your end-table and you wonder–-she knows something. Even if she wasn’t present, she must know details that will never see the light of day. Word of mouth endures.

“Idrisa,” you call for her, and she turns. You can’t contain it. You’re buzzing, ready to crawl out of your skin, needing to say it. “I know about the time Feyd-Rautha tried to kill his uncle. And now I know about how he was whipped as part of his punishment and that’s why he has scars all over his back. I know how he tried to return to Lankiveil afterwards, and I know how he was immediately apprehended and brought back here around the same time his mother had been murdered with no suspects, let alone a culprit.” Idrisa glances away, fidgeting her fingers in front of her, and still you press on, the words spilling out of you. “At the wedding, Rabban said the only reason their uncle favors Feyd is for his looks. I know you said that the assassination was before your time but if all the other details are spelled out except Feyd-Rautha’s motive for wanting to kill his uncle, then it paints a certain picture, doesn’t it?” you say, wanting to recoil from your own words and the implications of them.

Idrisa looks down, fidgeting with her hands that she has primly clasped in front of her. “I cannot speak ill of my masters.”

“I won’t tell,” you say. She still can’t look at you. “I’m sorry but I need to know. I once overheard my father insisting that the Baron…” you almost laugh, because it’s so uncomfortable to say. You’d almost rather not know and never have to think about it, but it’s unavoidable. “That the Baron had certain tastes. Certain appetites, not just for food.”

The way Idrisa’s face seems to turn even paler might serve as enough of a confirmation that you’re right.

“And last night, early this morning, I,” you hesitate, stammering for a moment, “I touched one of the scars on my husband’s back. I didn’t think it would bother him but it did. As awful as it is, if,” you take a breath, clear your throat. The idea of the Baron putting hands on his nephew now makes you nauseous, let alone over a decade ago, or, oh, Great Mother, eighteen years ago. “As awful as it is, if what I’m guessing is true, then I need to know.”

Idrisa’s gaze flutters as she tries to find the words. “Na-Baroness, what is in the past…”

“Still affects the present and the future,” you tell her. “Especially if it involves something like this.” There’s more silence, Idrisa biting her lip as she can’t quite look at you. “Please,” you add.

From the way her posture almost snaps ramrod straight, eyes widening, you wonder if anyone’s ever pleaded with her before. You wait, realizing that you’ve found a small crack in her armor.

She hesitates. “I began my service here when I was fourteen. The Na-Baron was seventeen at the time. I was instructed to keep my head down and not say anything. We all were. We were told that if we saw or heard anything, that no, we didn’t.”

“So you met my husband when he was seventeen?” you ask. That was nearly a decade ago. What was he like back then? Was he cruel and efficient, or was he more emotional? Had he already been turned into a killer, or would that come a little later? How much did he change in those three years? Do you know?

Idrisa nods, not quite looking at you. “And he was starting to age out of the Baron’s…preferences, but I don’t think it ended entirely for another year or two.”

It. One word to capture the enormity of what happened. Your mind goes blank. You already knew, already steeled yourself for this, but it feels as though the floor has given way under you. You sit on the edge of your bed, needing to think.

“The Na-Baron has earned the respect of his men since he’s come of age, my lady,” she adds. “They don’t think any less of him, especially not anymore.”

Why would they think less of him? He’s not the one who’s a pedophile .

“How many?” you ask instead. You can’t say the rest, How many victims? but you don’t need to. She knows. Maybe there’s a part of her that’s been bottling this up for years, desperate to say it out loud.

She shakes her head, shrugging, as if to say, No one really keeps count . “Over a dozen that I’m aware of and he’s been slowing down as he’s gotten older, so there’ve likely been hundreds over the years. All boys, mostly between the ages of ten and fifteen or sixteen. I’ve heard that the Na-Baron was his favorite for about a decade.”

Heard that . So people just…talked about it, albeit in secret, instead of doing anything.

“And everyone knows?” you ask, your voice going into a higher register out of pure incredulity.

Idrisa shakes her head again. “Not outside of the Fortress. The general populace of Geidi Prime isn’t aware of it. The Harkonnen government has made sure that they never will be.”

“But everyone else, everyone here…” you trail off.

“We see nothing,” she says again. “We hear nothing. We keep our heads down and keep the Fortress running.”

It is what you’d feared, what he won’t discuss. An open secret that festers much like an open, untreated wound. You think you’re going to be sick.

“The Baron brings in good commerce. He’s held up and improved on everything that’s made Geidi Prime such a wealthy planet. If Geidi Prime thrives as much as it possibly can under his rule, then that is what matters.”

You don’t know how to take this all in.

“Na-Baroness?” she asks.

“Thank you, Idrisa,” you tell her. “You’ve been very helpful.”

She understands this as the dismissal that it is, the need to process everything. She leaves with a curtsy.

You don’t keep track of the time between then and when evening comes; the black sun hasn’t fully set yet; you hadn’t noticed it getting darker.

You look at the renderings of your husband as he was over a decade ago. When did the pain leave? When was it replaced by something that seems far less human, or did it just retreat so far inwards that no one will ever see it again?

Idrisa comes in. Timidly, she stands, eyes downcast and hands clasped in front of her. “Dinner is ready, Na-Baroness,” she says.

You look over at her, and down at all the documents that you’re going to need to put back together and return.

How am I supposed to eat with this person and converse over dinner like everything’s normal? How does Feyd-Rautha stand it?

“And I suppose my presence is mandatory again?” you ask, voice measured, and get up, resigned.

At dinner you’ve never been less hungry in your life. You feel a humming at the back of your skull grow louder and louder as the Baron and Feyd-Rautha make casual conversation about focusing on growing the industry on Geidi Prime to make up for the spice losses on Arrakis.

How can you sit next to this man, listen to the sound of his voice, follow his orders? How do you not want to kill him all the time? you want to ask Feyd. You poke and prod at the little food you bothered to take for yourself and stare at your plate, still trying to wrap your head around the dynamic unfolding around you. How can your husband live like this?

The Baron notices that you haven’t eaten anything. “It’s a little early for nausea, young Y/N,” he says. “Or is the food just not to your liking?”

You can’t look at him. “My apologies, Baron,” you say in as measured of a tone as you can. You’re the one making me sick, you monster . “There is no issue with the food. I just don’t have much of an appetite this evening.” You think about taking your knife and jamming it into his eye. You wonder how often Feyd-Rautha has thought the same thing while sitting poised and calm at this very table.

They usually serve wine with dinner. The Baron usually indulges, and due to his size and age can drink a lot without it seeming to affect him. Feyd-Rautha usually declines, not to your surprise. Now that your monthly courses are pretty much over your plan has been to decline as well, given what will soon be the nature of your condition. Tonight, though, you accept, hoping that the alcohol on an empty stomach will numb you to what’s happening at this table and keep you numb when Feyd-Rautha comes to “fulfill his marital duties” tonight. Neither of them comment, but both look at you as you tip your glass back.

You’re not sure if the Baron can sense it, but Feyd-Rautha can. He’s a smart man; he knows you’ve been reading about his life, about recent Harkonnen memory, so he can reasonably assume that once you set him off early this morning that you did whatever research you could as to why.

He says nothing about it; he barely even looks at you throughout dinner and the quiet tension is excruciating; he knows that you know and it makes him even angrier. He also can’t take

I’m not like the people who let it happen, you want to say. I’m not your brother who called you weak or suggested you were asking for it. I don’t think you’re less of a man for this. Maybe no one else had the compassion for you that you needed but I do.

But a man like him, one raised on brutality–you’re not sure he’d ever accept your compassion if you offered. Maybe he’d be offended by it.

The hours tick by after dinner, and then after you get cleaned up for the evening and changed into only your robe. He doesn’t come by, doesn’t demand you come to his quarters. You try reading but give up after you realize you’ve been reading the same page for the past several minutes. You’ve come to regret drinking your dinner tonight instead of eating it; the faint buzz you got from two glasses of wine on an empty stomach has faded and instead left you feeling both empty and slightly nauseous, with the beginnings of a headache.

“Maybe he won’t come tonight,” you say to Idrisa as she’s getting ready to leave for the night, and the sentiment makes her hesitate.

“My apologies, Na-Baroness, but he will,” she says. “At least until you have proof of conception.

“Would you like me to stay until he arrives?” she adds, looking as awkward as you feel at the idea.

You shake your head. “It’s fine. You’re relieved. I don’t want you to have to see this, if and when it happens.”

She lowers her head in a bow and departs without another word.

You continue reading in bed, staring at the same page as you listen for any sounds, dreading each passing second.

When you hear it, a door opening and closing to your bathroom, your breath hitches, fear creeping up your spine.

You look up, watching the bathroom door, waiting, heart pounding and your breath now caught in your throat as he silently enters your bedroom.

He’s naked. For the first time he’s not erect.

You stare, frozen, your book folded open on your lap.

He looks at you and your obvious fear in your wide eyes and it doesn’t seem to amuse him this time. It doesn’t change anything, though. He’ll get what he came for.

After a moment he says, “Strip and get on all fours.”

You stare, almost incredulous at his coldness. It had been fading so rapidly over the past week you hadn’t even realized it was gone. His cruelty before came with a level of interest. His gaze is impassive, but then there’s that glint not of lust, but anger. At you, at the Baron, at his circumstances, whatever it is, you don’t want to bear the brunt of it.

“We don’t have to do this tonight,” you tell him. “We’ve done it enough that there can’t be any doubt and even if there is, we can try again later when…”

“I won’t repeat myself,” he says before you can say anything that reminds him of his past, his uncle.

You can’t really mean this. You’re not any more in the mood for this than I am, you want to tell him, as you set your book beside you and slowly unfasten your robe. You keep your eyes on him, anticipating the attack. Maybe he’ll lunge for you, you think as your heart pounds and your robe falls open. He’ll let out some inhuman noise and pounce. Your nipples pebble against the bedroom air and you notice his gaze fall there, to the exposed skin bared, but he doesn’t move.

You don’t give his cock a second look; you don’t want to know if and how aroused he is by this. You just keep your gaze on his face, impassive as ever, as you remove the robe completely, hesitating and wanting to stop, wanting to suggest that maybe the two of you talk about this.

You open your mouth, not sure what you can even say before slowly turning over on the bed, taking a deep breath, and sinking, humiliated, down on your knees and forearms.

He doesn’t move for a moment, just stands where he is, and you resist the urge to turn your head to look at him and yet you’d give anything to know what he’s thinking right now. Soon, though, you feel the weight of knees sinking into the mattress behind you. You shut your eyes, waiting for him to say something, to do something. For a moment, nothing, but then you hear him begin to stroke himself, breath hitching. His other hand moves along your hip, briefly squeezing the cheek of your ass before sliding his cock along your slit.

You’re not wet enough for this to be comfortable, and he doesn’t appear to care in the slightest. You wince at the first push of him inside of you, a hiss escaping your clenched teeth. It doesn’t hurt as much as it has before, and yet you hate it more and you whimper as he bottoms out inside of you. He doesn’t pause, doesn’t seem to respond to your noises, just thrusts again into you, deep and hard.

He can hear you finally sob, head bowed, tears pricking up, wriggling away from him before he yanks you back onto him. His breath is harsh and his hands bruise your tender skin.

I hate this, you want to tell him. You don’t know how to explain it; it’s not even the position he’s taken nor the roughness, because you can handle both. It’s the contempt and the coldness; he doesn’t want this, would probably prefer to be alone while he’s inside of you and that bruises your ego as much as it does your sensitive insides.

If you were more experienced and more confident and not completely blind-sided by the wealth of horrific information you’ve gotten today, maybe you’d try to moan, buck your hips against it, seem like you can enjoy this to try and raise his enthusiasm but you can’t. If you knew how to play seductress to make this easier for both of you, you would.

This is what you expected on your wedding night; the cruelty in his lack of real desire, but until tonight he’d been utterly transparent about his attraction to you and it’s taken until now to understand just what a difference that makes. You’d take having your wrists tied and your ass struck and his cock cutting off your airflow any night over feeling like this.

He comes with a grunt of completion inside of you like he might as well be coming into his own fist.

The tears roll down your cheeks and as you bow your head, onto the sheets below you.

I am Lady Y/N of Y/H and the Na-Baroness of Harkonnen. I am your wife . I’m not just some hole for you to penetrate and I’m not someone you can punish for existing because you can’t punish the person who really hurt you. The words die in your throat before you can even think about saying them, and you gasp as he brusquely pulls out. Some of his seed trickles out of you and starts to dribble down the inside of one of your thighs. You don’t want to look at him. You want to slap him. You don’t understand the depths of your own anger as it builds.

He pulls away, and for a moment you think he’s going to just head back to his room as you right yourself and turn onto your side, but instead he turns back to you, sitting down on the edge of the bed and cupping your chin and cheek in one hand. He forces you to look up at him with your red-rimmed eyes, your tear-stained cheeks flush with hurt and humiliation and he sees it with that same lack of emotion that makes you want to scream. White-hot rage flares up within you, and he seems to realize what you’re about to do before you do it, before you realize you’re doing it.

You’re still crying as you spit a wad of saliva directly into his face.

He doesn’t even blink.

Instead he grabs your hair roughly, jaw tightening, and you can’t help the fear lancing up your spine, but it doesn’t completely replace your anger. He has you in his grasp and your mind draws a blank on how to apologize, maybe beg for mercy, when you’d almost rather remain in furious silence.

It’s not quite anger in his eyes, not quite lust, but it’s not that same furious look he had early this morning or the coldness he exuded before he pushed his way inside of you. He brings your face closer to his as he leans further in. He presents his cheek now coated in your spit.

There’s so much you don’t understand. No one taught you this language and this man is hard to decipher, but you’re pretty sure you know what he wants without him having to say it.

You hesitate for a moment, your lips against his cheek, before darting your tongue out and licking your own saliva off of him. They’re tentative, almost kittenish licks against his skin; you sense his breath even out and feel the fluttering of his lashes as he briefly closes his eyes, feel his jaw relax as his lips part.

I don’t get it. How does a gentle touch infuriate you but being spat on calms you down? you want to ask, as his hand relaxes in your hair and he lets you withdraw. How do you forgive a decade of being violated but not me finding out about it? How do you forgive the scars on your back but not me touching them?

He looks at you another moment.

“Your training resumes tomorrow,” he says.

“Fine,” you tell him, your voice shakier than you’d like, your anger extinguished. He seems wearier than you’d first thought.

He gets up, starts to walk away, when you remember that neither of you exchanged a word about what he’s been through, and that won’t do. Not with everything left unsaid, the horrors you’ve discovered that you know, in the quiet moments in your bed, that still haunt him.

You reach for his wrist. He looks back at you. The coldness is replaced by resignation. “There’s nothing to discuss,” he says. He’s not talking about your training. It leaks through the cold edge in his voice, the finality of it. “It’s done.”

How, though? You reopened an old wound that never properly healed, and he just wants you to quietly let it fester?

You release his wrist and he leaves, disappearing back into the bathroom and beyond to sleep in his own bed tonight.

You’re not sure what understanding you just reached. It’s not something you could have prepared for, and there’s a part of you that persistently assumes that even though he won’t talk about it, this will come up again.

You’re sinking back into bed, hoping that you’ll be able to sleep tonight after everything that’s happened, when it occurs to you: once you have a son, you can’t allow the Baron anywhere near him. Even if Feyd-Rautha has learned to live with what happened to him, and maybe even loves his uncle in a twisted sort of way you can’t really comprehend, you can’t allow the same thing to happen again. So that leaves you with several options, each seemingly more impossible than the last but no matter: you’ll have at least nine months to figure out a plan.

#feyd rautha #feyd x reader #feyd rautha harkonnen #feyd x you #dune part two #dune part 2 #feyd rautha fanfic #austin butler

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basshole-astard · 1 year

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hey you, blogger. do you find yourself in incredible pain daily? even weekly? despite being in your 30s, or younger? despite doing everything that's ""supposed"" to help?

On top of being in incredible pain, can you or could you at any point in your life:

bend yourself into funny positions like putting your foot behind your head

can bend down without fanfare and put your palms COMPLETELY FLAT on the floor

do your elbows bend a bit backwards? how about your knees?

you can bend your pinkies backwards 90 degrees

you find your joints are incredibly weak and garbage; wrists often in pain despite doing stretches; shoulders/neck always hurting no matter how good your posture is; can’t get down on your hands and knees because doing so is Ow Ow Oof Ouch

you have gastrointestinal issues that you cannot link to food in any way (yes, for real,)

headaches/migraines – especially unexplained, but even if you do have an explanation (for real)

never had enough room in your mouth for your teeth

vision prescription gets better and then gets worse again and you find yourself very confused about how??? why????

have really bad allergies including “I can’t use x soap it gives me a rash for some reason” or other similar “coming into contact with certain things makes me break out” (it’s called MCAS, it’s often comorbid)

stand up and your heartrate spikes and/or you get dizzy (that’s called POTS, also comorbid)

Then, hi, you might possibly have something called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, or EDS; specifically the hypermobile subtype (hEDS), which doesn’t yet have a known genetic marker and goes wildly underdiagnosed in patients, partly because the things they test for hypermobility are pretty limited, partly because doctors don’t know what it is, partly because doctors would rather diagnose you with a different condition (if arthritis or fibromyalgia diagnoses/treatment didn’t help, well...!) because if it sounds like a horse it’s PROBABLY a horse (but it could be a zebra)

Of course having any one of these does not an hEDS diagnosis make, but if you have multiple on my above list? Multiple of the list I am including below the cut? It’s worth looking into. You can continue on reading to see my brief overview, or you can head to www.ehlers-danlos.com to do your own research; they’re a great resource!

"I have a lot of these but not all of them" that's still worth looking into! I've only got five on the above list, and i definitely still have hEDS! Even three is worth considering!

more symptoms and info below the cut, if you want to hear it from a fellow blogger who was diagnosed at 25 and found the diagnosis Extremely Eye Opening as to why i was always in pain and Various Other Issues

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General hEDS info: EDS itself is a genetic disorder that affects your connective tissue, which in general makes your joints weak and your ligaments weaker. hEDS is the most common subtype, in which you have a lot of EDS traits AND hypermobility BUT none of the genetic markers for the 12 other EDS subtypes.

“Wait, but this thing I can do is normal, my whole family can do it!” or “my mother’s side of the family is all like this!” hEDS is genetic. It’s possible to have it if your parents don’t, but VERY unlikely. So unlikely, in fact, that having immediate family history of hEDS is one of the 3 main diagnostic criteria for it. (You can still get diagnosed if you hit the other 2, but they only ask for 2/3.)

“Surely it can’t be so hard to diagnose that doctors don’t notice it!” my sister did not find out until she was in her 30s, because one of her friends has hEDS, and when my sister was bemoaning how useless doctors were, her friend was like “....hey those sound like MY symptoms, have you considered you might have hEDS?” (Which, due to it being genetic, is how my mom and I found out we also probably had it.) Also, much like ADHD, doctors are wary of diagnosing people with it, afraid they’re just trying to get the “good” meds.

“What good does a diagnosis/research even do me?” 1) an explanation for why you’re in pain all the time 2) knowledge so you can avoid doing things that would hurt you (you have to be SOOO careful with most forms of exercise!) 3) it’s a disorder that warrants higher pain meds than what you can get OTC, so if you are seriously in a lot of pain all the time, and would like to not be...

I’m gonna put a more in-depth list of symptoms below. If you have any five of them, I highly suggest you poke around www.ehlers-danlos.com and do your own research, because even if you aren’t in a position to get a clinical diagnosis right now, even suspecting you MIGHT Have it is useful, either for an explanation for all the things that seem wrong with your body that couldn’t otherwise be explained, or to know that... hey, you should really be careful with what kinds of physical exercise you’re doing, because your risk of injury for some sports is WAY higher than it is for people who don’t have hEDS. More on that below, as well.

Symptoms list time:

*THIS IS ALMOST DEFINITELY A MARKER OF hEDS*

hypermobile joints

unstable/weak joints

joints that dislocate frequently

CHRONIC PAIN

stretchy and fragile skin (classic EDS marker, but can show up in hEDS): do you bruise easily? Do cuts take forever to heal?

your parent(s) are also like this (it's a genetic disorder!! Chances are you got it from one of them!!! Love to hear “oh my hips do that too!!! Didn’t realize it wasn’t normal” thanks mom.)

"my parents don't have hEDS tho" are you sure. like. my mom didn't know until my sister found out she did. this thing is *wildly underdiagnosed*. Mom’s in her 50s and had doctors diagnose her with arthritis and fibromyalgia, the treatments for which didn’t help her because it wasn’t what was actually wrong

*OTHER THINGS THAT OFTEN COME FREE WITH YOUR hEDS*

chronic fatigue

gastrointestinal issues (if you thought you had IBS, but hit any of the hEDS things, you should consider, well, an hEDS diagnosis; gastroparesis is a common comorbidity)

dysautonomia; i don't have this but it causes things like POTS or "heartrate spikes when i stand" or "i get dizzy when i stand and lose vision briefly"

headaches (and/or migraines!)

MCAS, aka really bad allergies. your nose gets offended at the slightest bit of pollen. the weirdest materials give you a rash. you can only use one soap because all the other ones make you break out. etc.

...ADHD. I’m not shitting you. It is so frequently comorbid that in the UK when you test positive for either ADHD or hEDS they will immediately test you for the other. Connective tissue exists in your brain, as well, so I guess if your connective tissue just doesn’t function properly...

HEY CAN YOU PUT THIS IN NON-CLINICAL TERMS FOR ME

sure! did you, at any point in your life:

- able to bend into funny positions like put foot behind head; especially as a kid (hi! that's me!) but of particular note if you can still do those things now

- stretches like butterfly or crossing your arm over your chest just... don’t feel like stretches? (my sister)

- could you bend and without effort place your palms flat on the floor? can you still now? apparently most people struggle - without regular stretching - to touch their toes, let alone put their palms *completely flat* to the floor. that's hypermobility baby!

- elbows bend a little bit backwards? knees?

- can you bend your pinkies back 90 degrees?

- consider yourself double-jointed?

- shoulders/neck always hurt? and like your muscles are SOOOO tight in your neck all the time? hey guess what: the thing EDS does is make your body produce less collagen, which makes your ligaments weak as fuck, and so your muscles are constantly spasming to hold your head up. this is why you're in pain. this is why working the knots out never helps and they always come back. no, this isn't because you’re on your computer too much. your body was just built differently (poorly)

- stretching never seems to help? stretches make you hurt more??? or even: most forms of exercise cause you pain? yeah, most exercise/stretches are meant for Able Bodied People, not people with an underlying undiagnosed hypermobility disorder. You have to adapt them to your needs, and also stretches will never be the be-all-end-all solution to back pain like those funny little infographics on the internet will try and tell you. Maybe it is for able-bodied people, if you have a genetic condition that causes chronic pain, well,

- “but my shoulders are soooo tight tho” POINTING ABOVE AGAIN. they are doing that because the muscles have to overcompensate for your weak ligaments. Stretching does not fix this; you may loosen your muscles, but they will simply tighten again later. The real fix is doing exercises to improve your shoulder muscle stability – I’ll talk about some exercises below.

- have you ever thought to yourself "what the hell, i'm too young to be in this much pain all the time??" you're right! it might be hEDS.

- struggle with opening jars? weak upper body strength? randomly lose your grip on things you’re holding with your hands? “are you serious” I’m serious

- can't crawl on your hands and knees because that hurts your wrists and your knees?

- tangentially: did your parents say you crawled funny as a kid? army crawl? started walking way earlier than expected? yeah.

- you can't squat or kneel because ow oof ow your ankles ow ow your knees? yeah.

- is getting up from the floor hard sometimes?? despite being 30 or younger???? yeah.

- despite everything, and not trying to be, you're still kind of really flexible???

- like, you could do the splits as a kid without having to train yourself to do it?? you can still do the splits now without any effort at all?

- do you seem to get injured really easily? joints especially, or, again, bruised really easily.

- are you in pain right now? think about it. shoulders? back? legs? did you see the part where one of the diagnostic criteria for hEDS is chronic pain? yeah.

i could probably keep going.

~here's some specific connective tissue disorder things; i've included only the extremely "normal" ones that haven’t already been listed above and/or are easy to check yourself. you can find a full list at https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/what-is-eds/hypermobile-ehlers-danlos-syndrome-heds/ under "how is hEDS diagnosed?"~

listed above: stretchy/fragile skin. By stretchy btw I mean: can you pinch your skin anywhere and pull and get even half an inch away from your body? Neck/back of hand is a good place to try. If you can’t pinch your skin at all w/o hitting Meat then you don’t have this (I don’t, even tho my sister does!) but it’s worth looking out for and alone is like THE thing EDS (all types) is characterized by, so if your skin stretches, that’s of particular notice (but your skin not stretching does not disqualify you from having EDS)

stretch marks (they hate to use this if you're afab, but,)

"Bilateral piezogenic papules of the heel" uh when you're standing are your heels kinda. lumpy. like they got balls in 'em. that's what this is. (this is one of the things i have)

dental crowding (lol!!!!)

can you close your thumb+pinky around both your wrists? (steinberg sign)

when you make fists, thumbs underneath fingers, do your thumbs stick out past your fingers? (walker sign)

“Hey, I’m not really hypermobile - is it still possible to have hEDS??”

in theory! I’m only mildly hypermobile myself, outside of the “foot behind head�� trick from when i was ten and the “can even now at 25 bend down and put palms flat on floor with no effort” i have… basically no other signs of hypermobility. Though, I guess “things that should be stretches like butterfly or touching your toes are super easy and not stretches for me” also counts as being hypermobile, huh. It’s just really mild.

And, you know, maybe you just have a different EDS subtype. EDS as a whole is not super well understood, so the chances you got a doctor who didn’t know what it was / didn’t want to order a genetic test about it is still, like, high enough it’s worth looking into, I think.

Basically every issue my body has can be drawn back to hEDS, and that kind of knowledge is insane but also really liberating. There is a cause for this. I’m not just in pain for no reason – or worse – because I’m “bad” at taking care of myself. I have a genetic disorder that makes it so my joints don’t work right and also I’m in pain all the time. It’s not necessarily happy, but at least it’s an explanation, instead of sitting there and shrugging and going “I dunno” about it.

So, sincerely, if even five of the things I’ve listed above sound familiar to you, I think you should look into it. Maybe you’ll research and go “oh, that doesn’t sound like me at all, actually”, but on the chance you, like me, start researching and find yourself going “THAT’S WHAT’S BEEN CAUSING THAT THIS WHOLE TIME????” I think it’s worth looking into. That validation is sincerely quite freeing.

“Ok, you've convinced me. Now what do I do?”

first of all research some more!

https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/what-is-eds/ <-- EDS overview and EDS subtypes! Maybe you have one that isn’t hEDS

https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/what-is-eds/hypermobile-ehlers-danlos-syndrome-heds/ <-- hEDS specific page

https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/heds-diagnostic-checklist/ <-- hEDS diagnostic checklist

https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/assessing-joint-hypermobility/#1667831445611-fb40d58e-84a4 <-- the checklist opens on something called the Beighton scale, which is explained in more detail here. **IF YOU DO NOT SCORE HIGH ON THE BEIGHTON SCALE BUT STILL HAVE MOST OTHER HEDS ISSUES, PRESS FOR DIAGNOSIS NONETHELESS. ENTIRELY POSSIBLY YOU ARE HYPERMOBILE IN AREAS THAT AREN’T TRACKED BY THE BEIGHTON SCALE. IT’S IMPERFECT AND PROBABLY NEEDS TO BE REPLACED BUT THEY HAVEN’T GOTTEN AROUND TO IT YET.**

https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/2017-eds-classification-non-experts/ <-- EDS things in layman’s terms, including comorbidities, like what I was talking about wrt gastrointestinal issues, orthopedic issues, chronic fatigue issues, etc, etc, etc. if you have issues with allergies look at the Mast Cell Disorder one. if you have that “heartrate spikes or I get dizzy when I stand” issue look at the Cardiovascular Autonomic Dysfunction one.

(ngl, sorry if its gross, but learning that hEDS often comes packaged with gastrointestinal issues was what really sealed the whole deal for me being convinced, despite “your sister has it and your mom almost definitely has it” being EXTREMELY damning evidence, because. I have had issues with diarrhea my whole goddamn life. I can’t tie it to food. It just curses me daily.)

second of all: talk to your doctor! or, find a doctor in your area that specializes in EDS. book an appointment, see what they can offer you. they can probably hook you up with physical therapy options (to safely strengthen your muscles to compensate for your weak connective tissue) or some pain management options! If you find the physical therapist is making you do things that make you hurt more and they repeatedly do not listen to you and your body, fire them and find a new physical therapist.

https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/healthcare-professionals-directory/ <-- list of doctors.

Third of all: find a support group if you’d like? There’s FB groups and Reddit groups and probably even more. Links to some of them here: https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/support/

YMMV because hEDS sometimes gets shit on by people with the other EDS subtypes, but at the very least, if a fellow Zebra is bitching about a doctor, you’ll know who to avoid.

Fourth: Just… if you think you might have it, I want you to take a step back and reconsider the way you feel about yourself and maybe about the exercise you are/aren’t doing. I had a lot of compounded guilt about how I “wasn’t taking good enough care of myself” ; when you’re in pain all the time you sometimes start blaming yourself, especially if you, like me, find that exercise is difficult and painful and that stretching doesn’t ACTUALLY help, you quit doing it. But you don’t always quit thinking “well apparently if I did those stretches to prevent back pain that people always talk about, then I wouldn’t have any back pain!!!!!!” and that kind of mindset... sucks.

It's also not true. Like, not in general, but also especially not if you have hEDS. My back is in pain because my body was built different (poorly), NOT because I “wasn’t doing the right thing”.

So here’s my get out of jail free card, for you. You aren’t in pain because you aren’t doing anything to “fix” it. You’re just in pain. Sure, you can do some (specialized) (hEDS friendly ones) exercises to help combat it, or you could go take some painkillers, but... your pain is not a punishment for your decision not to exercise. Your pain just kinda... is.

Every generalized exercise advice you see online you need to take with a grain of salt anyway, because it was not written for people with a hypermobility disorder. If doing it doesn’t help, then you don’t need to push through the pain because “it’s the thing that’s supposed to fix everything!!!!” No no. There is no correct answer. There is no one-size fits all. If it doesn’t help, or if it hurts, then you shouldn’t do it.

I say this from a place of love. I spent several months trying to fix my wrist pain with stretches, and you know what never went away? My wrist pain. In fact, I’m mildly convinced the stretches made the pain worse. I kept pushing through it for ages, though, because I kept getting told it was supposed to help, and that it was IMPORTANT as someone who spends all day on the computer to TAKE CARE OF MY WRISTS via THESE STRETCHES WE HAVE HELPFULLY COMPILED ONTO AN INFOGRAPHIC FOR YOU!!!!! ...but that’s not how it works. The rules are a little different when you have a hypermobility disorder. You have to really look into exercises that are safe for you to do, instead of just assuming the ones that everyone passes around are going to help.

“Man, so even those shoulder stretches you see around might not help?” nope! They might not!

“What do I do then?” strengthening exercises... I’ll put resources / explain one easy one (for shoulders) below.

Also if you are someone with a job that requires sitting at the computer all day, and you’re worried about how that affects your health... Even if you just get up once every two hours and walk around / look at something else (even your bathroom!!!) for a little bit, that’s fine, that’s plenty, that’s more than enough. You don’t have to stretch your shoulders every 30 minutes. You shouldn’t stretch your shoulders every 30 minutes if that’s hurting you.

RESOURCES TIME

1) https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/resource/strengthen-your-hypermobile-core-a-home-exercise-approach-for-eds-hsd-and-hypermobility-jeannie-di-bon/ <-- webinar that covers at-home exercises you can do

2) and a whole playlist of at-home exercises (in reasonable sized video chunks) by one of the experts, here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLp-oNOmoFdAMFZB7XfpUZyvg_xzE3S3Ue – DISCLAIMER I HAVE NOT WATCHED OR USED THESE, SO WHILE I CAN SAY I DOUBT SHE WOULD BE FEATURED WERE SHE NOT A REAL EXPERT, PLEASE JUST. Err on the side of caution. If even one of these hurts you, try not to do it until you can talk with your personal physical therapist, which, yes, I realize requires Acquiring one first..... worth poking around tho, this person has a ton of tips on how to be careful with your joints while doing chores and day-to-day tasks as well, it seems. Actual advice that might actually help you instead of “oh make sure to stretch every 30 minutes!!!!” (might not help) or “have you tried jogging? Its free and easy!!!!!” (sport that is more likely to injure you thanks to the weak joints thing)

3) You can also search “exercise” on ehlers-danlos.com and come up with a ton of other pages/videos/etc of EDS friendly exercises produced by the experts that run this site.

4) That One Easy One I Can Explain In A tumblr Post: Bridging

Meant for core stability, but also works towards strengthening your shoulder muscles as well. Bridges!!! You can probably look up guides, or the lady I linked above has a video that includes her doing bridges about 4 minutes in. here's the video (link).

The version I do involves going up for five seconds, then down for five seconds, repeating for a minute (time yourself). Each day add on ten seconds (so second day you do a minute ten, third day minute twenty, etc) until you are eventually able to do it for three minutes. You do not need to go past three minutes. You are recommended not to. You are recommended to work up to 3 minutes and then continue doing it for 3 minutes every day.

(It doesn’t have to be every day nor does it necessarily have to be 3 minutes every time; if I’m tired or in a hurry I’ll just do two minutes. If I’m really tired I’ll just skip it and do it the next day. No big deal!)

That’s all I got. Thanks for listening to me rant. Hope it was enlightening at all!

#disability bloggin #eds bloggin

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elderscrollsconceptart · 5 days

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how many tes games have you played, what was your first build/character in each, and why did you pick those skills/traits/etc?

Hi and thank you!

I've played admittedly not a lot of Arena. Its hard to get into due to its age 🧙‍♂️ Love Jeff Perrymans work on the game though!

I've played a good amount of Daggerfall! I played a bit of it ~13(?) years ago but it was the original version so like Arena it was super hard to both play and get into it. I was actually doing a classic "sword and board" play through via Daggerfall Unity just last year and was having fun until my saves got corrupted somehow 🥲

I actually touched Redguard for the first time this year but I'm holding off until I finish my current Morrowind playthrough 🏴‍☠️

Battlespire I've actually never touched despite owning it. Its weird because I've POURED over that games wiki and its actually my favorite old school TES game based purely on aesthetics and its designs. A full play through is on my to do list for this year!

All the old TES mobile games, shadowkey, Oblivion Mobile, etc. I have limited experience with. I've seen them IRL on friends phones back in the day but never got hands on since I actually didn't have a phone until later in Highschool. I think the internet archive has at least a few of them playable? I'd have to check, maybe it's worth checking out!

Morrowind...ahh morrowind :) its my fav TES game in terms of quests. My first play through was not a full one, it was at a friends house on the XBOX version way way back in the day. For my first REAL play through it was on my first gaming PC and I played an athletics focused halberd wielding orc who bonked people on the head 😂

Oblivion..This one PAINS me..I've only actually played though it entirely a single time and it was ages ago on the Xbox 360 and I played a...stealth archer 😵‍💫..It wasn't a meme at the time I swear! I just liked sneaking and archery! When I got it on PC, every time I tried setting it up with or without mods I had technical issues. I've mentioned it before but I absolutely loathe the bad draw distance and pop in that plagues even "ultra" settings on PC. OpenMorrowind on PC is a technical marvel. I wish they'd do something similar for Oblivion or port a stable version of Oblivion to PC. I really want to do a full playthrough again!

Skyrim. Fun fact I calculated it one time and I'm certain I collectively have 3,000+ hours in Skyrim over the past 13 years. Possibly close to 4,000 but thats from my Xbox 360 playthoughs and I don't remember the exact times for that. The base game is long worn out for me but god damn is Skyrim's modding community incredible. Thanks to mods, the game has remained fresh in various ways for the past 13 years and at this rate I'll probably add another 1k hours before TES 6 comes out 😁

ESO. I'm gonna be 100% upfront here. I got the game when it came out and had lots of issues with it. The game had a rocky start and I wasn't ever a big fan of MMOs to begin with. That said! Zenimax has done amazing things over the past 10 years and really kept that game alive with continuous improvement. I haven't kept up with it the past few years ago outside of the lore (and art) stuff but I think after I give the older TES games another go, I'll probably hop back in to ESO.

Legends. I've never played it! TBH don't like card games, Hearthestone, Gwent, etc. Legends doesn't have much going for it besides the art BUT BUT BUT...Legends art is fucking incredible 😍😍😍 Seriously, after Perhaps Skyrim's concept art, the various artists of Legends are my 2nd fav to look at. I can ignore the actual gameplay but I really wish we knew more about who actually has created all the Legends art. We only have hints such as studio names for vast portions of the art, or straight up ZERO sources for who made a lot of the core decks and original release era art. I keep my head on a swivel for that stuff because its so amazing and beautiful!

Lastly, TES Blades. I'm not a huge fan of the game since I don't like touchscreen controls (eg. I play Morrowind on my phone but with a controller). I've played a fair amount but never beat it since the controls are bleh and gameplay doesn't appeal to me a ton. Most of the stuff that interests me about blades is the armor designs and the fact it gives us a super small glimpse into the period between The Great War and Skyrim.

Sorry this went a Lil long but thanks for your ask!

#the elder scrolls #tes #asks

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coff-in · 15 days

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¡Hihihi!, Excuse my bad writing in English, it is not my native language and no matter how well you read my writing is terrible so I use the translator to make sure it's okay (it will probably end up unintelligible but I do what I can)😿

Sooo, I was thinking, what about a situation in which the reader is the middle sister of both graves?

I think that in this situation the dynamic could change a lot, that is, the reader (Fem reader if possible) would really suffer more than all the attachment to Andrew as he is the most present figure for her, but he would not suffer what would be the extreme and unhealthy obsession that Ashley would develop since she does not really suffer from any mental condition genetically, but still has a certain dependence on Andrew due to the lack of presence of her parents

and with his relationship with Ashley it would be more complicated, why would the reader try to do things to help Andrew with Ashley during parenting, but at the same time feeling this sense of jealousy why Andrew was giving attention and more care to Leyley so he could keep her out of it. But with the passage of time he would not notice that because in spite of everything the reader if he becomes more socially active with more children his age which helps in a certain way to that

I'm thinking that despite that Leyley (obviously as expected) is going to develop a dependency on the reader for seeing her as a mother figure in certain aspects, which would lead to annoyance, jealousy, etc. As in the case of Nina, at this point Ashley not only killed Nina because she did not want to lose Andrew, but also the reader who was a close friend of Nina, which the reader would be in the scene but would take a while to arrive. realize the situation since on this occasion, they made the reader be the one who was looking for them

The relationship with Ashley would be more platonic but equally toxic, like the fear of losing her older sister and her mother figure who, despite everything, continued to give her love and attention. And in the case of Andrew, more romantic and at the same time obsessive like Leyley would be but much more discreet and cautious, but he was in constant denial with his feelings for his relationship as brothers... but he would not avoid doing what would be things that he knows They will pass that limit discreetly but looking for ways to not feel so guilty until eventually you just accept it

notes from coff-in: omg... i loved this request!! thank you so much for requesting (and sorry for the late reply)!!

[fem] reader-insert, [reader] is 1 year older than ashley and 1 year younger than andrew, talk/mentions of incest

When middle sis [reader] was born a year after Andy, she was just little sis [reader]. She and Andy were close friends with each other (as much as you can be at one year old I guess). [reader] was a quiet child, like Andy was, and so Mrs Graves thought that it would be okay if she popped just one more child out. She learned quickly after that it was a bad idea, teehee.

Now dubbed “middle sis [reader]” she was expected to help raise Leyley along with Andy. She plays the middleman for the most part, used between Leyley and Andy to be the tiebreaker between fights they have. There are moments where her final say gets vetoed by the siblings, however; like in the case of Nina.

Middle sis [reader] didn’t want to lock Nina in a box overnight, just for a couple of hours maybe… she didn’t like the idea of Andy getting a girlfriend. His attention was so divided already, if he got a girlfriend it meant that there would be even less time for her! That’s not even mentioning how poorly Leyley would react.

So when she and her siblings go back to the warehouse to find a dead Nina, [reader] is reasonably scared and freaking out. She was an accomplice by not stopping them, right!? Burying Nina was truly a bonding experience for them all.

Since Nina was out of the way now, Leyley didn’t have to worry about any other hussies trying to steal away her big brother and sister! And if they try to leave her, she’d just tell on them :) Middle sis [reader] would scold Leyley a lot due to her childish tantrums and overall recklessness, but when even she can’t reel Leyley in [reader] would turn to their big brother for help.

There are moments where middle sis [reader] would be a menace with Leyley, too, just to also get some more of Andy’s attention. Terrorizing other kids, getting into trouble at home, and then seeking Andy out for comfort. She’s his little sister also, isn’t she? He has to take care of her too, not just Leyley! Even when [reader] tries to get Andy’s undivided attention to herself, Leyley is always there to pester them both… they’re like three cramped peas in a pod!

As they get older, middle sis [reader] would be more independent like Andrew. Her attachment to her siblings was still there, obviously. [reader] would hang out with Andrew during his breaks to study and see him off to his classes. Whenever Ashley would get bullied [reader] would step in to beat up the bullies and also goof around with Ashley, too.

But middle sis [reader] would have her own friends to hang out with. She’d get a job or find some way to make money that would drag her away from her siblings. Ashley doesn’t fucking like this. You’d think after Nina that all these hussies would fuck off! [reader] wouldn’t let Ashley make her leave her job but she would let Ashley drive off her friends.

“I don’t understand why you hang out with them.” Ashley groaned as she lay on the couch, a crappy horror movie played as white noise on the TV. “They’re a bunch of stupid whores! Did you see how they immediately ditched you at lunch today? They’re quitters!” She shot up in place and looked at [reader] who was bent over the back of the couch. [reader] sighed and chuckled lightly at Ashley’s comments.

“You are… very effective at scaring them, Ashley, but thanks for getting rid of the weeds.”

The quarantine wasn’t entirely unpleasant for the Graves siblings (minus the starvation). Middle sis [reader] took up their parents’ bedroom as her own but every once in a while, she’d sneak into Andrew and Ashley’s bedroom to sleep in their beds. She mostly sneaks into Andrew’s bed while he’s sleeping, hoping to not get caught acting so childish.

I mean… who still sleeps in the same bed with their siblings at 21 years old?

Cue to her sleeping next to Andrew in his small single bed, his hand wrapped around her in an attempt to not just full-on cuddle her. Maybe he’d spoon her a bit, trying to reason with himself why it’s okay, then trying to come up with excuses as to why she’d wake up to him snuggling her.

I bet Andrew is always acutely aware of where middle sis [reader] is in the apartment. I forgot where I saw someone say this (it was somewhere on Tumblr) but Andrew definitely takes any chance he can to move a sleeping or passed out [reader] or Ashley onto his lap. I bet he looks at her lips a lot, too. Wondering how they may feel on his lips or his skin… but he pushes them down with all the other thoughts he shouldn’t be having.

Ashley would go to middle sis [reader] for advice for cooking, since I think it’s canonically that she doesn’t cook well. She’d even look to [reader] for her opinion when they’re all eating their cultist neighbor.

“So? Did I cook him right, [reader]?”

“... uh… y-yeah. It’s… better than what I thought it’d be.”

----

coff-in

#cobweb in the coffin #tcoaal #the coffin of andy and leyley #andrew graves #ashley graves #tcoaal x reader #the coffin of andy and leyley x reader #andrew graves x reader #ashley graves x reader

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themosleyreview · 8 months

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The Mosley Review: When Evil Lurks

I tend to have a high tolerance and high expectation for horror films. When it comes to films about demonic possession, they're constantly all about how religion factors in or the standard set by the original The Exorcist with all the head spinning, levitating and gross out body horror tropes we've all come to know. Evil Dead Rise earlier this year was fantastic, but that is more of the extreme and fantastical nature. The last great grounded possession film I've seen was The Last Exorcism of Emily Rose and maybe The Last Exorcism. Both had their flaws, but delivered an engaging story and creepy visuals. What makes a great supernatural film is the ability to deliver a tension filled story that is not only compelling, but unpredictable. You have to really go places where most wouldn't dare and remove the common safe guards in place for certain characters. It has been a very long time since such a film has existed and has left me in a state of shock. What I really enjoyed about this film was that it was straight forward and gives you the right amount of lore and exposition that keeps you on edge. The sense of dread and tension is so thick throughout the film and I loved every second of it. Sure, there are moments of terror you could see coming, but you're still shocked once it happens and the sheer brutality of it was insane. Like any horror film, there are illogical character moments that are frustrating, but in this case it serves the story and highlights the flaws of the characters. That's how it should be done and I'm glad this film excels where almost all fail.

Ezequiel Rodriguez was excellent and endearing as Pedro. I loved his steadfast decision making, but man did he seriously put everyone in danger when it wasn't necessary at times. I did love that he was the most capable and smartest characters in the film as he saw what was coming when nobody would believe him. Demián Salomon was also excellent as his loyal and somewhat softer brother Jimmy. I loved their chemistry and even though they were on edge for the majority, I was happy to follow them both through this nightmare. Jimmy was one of the major catalysts in the most clever way that if you weren't paying attention, you'd miss why. Paula Rubinsztein was awesome and probably the only kind soul in the film as their mother. She delivers the ultimate lore dump and setting up the rules when dealing with a possessed or as referred to in the film as "The Rotten", and man it was so fun and creepy. Silvia Sabater was awesome as a Cleaner or the film's version of an exorcist. Her scenes were so intriguing and she adds that perfect level of strength in her faith herself and wisdom.

The film is well shot and what I loved is that there isn't any major visual trickery or CGI that tries to add to the look of despair. The make-up effects were top notch and equally grotesque in the best way possible. The physical horror was amazing and creepy in execution when it came to a scene involving Pedro's family. Like I said before, the tension in this film is thick and it never really lets up as the story continues to drag you through the hellish nightmare Pedro and Jimmy go through. I can't stress enough how this film goes for the unexpected and how unrelenting the violence is. This film has definitely raised the bar on how to deliver a perfectly paced demonic possession story that has thematic elements about grief, family and how it touches on faith, but it doesn't overtake the nonstop terror. This will hands down be the best horror film I have seen for the remainder of 2023. It is currently in theatres for a limited time and it will soon come to the horror streaming service Shudder. I highly recommend it for this spooky season for the curious, but it is NOT for the faint of heart. Let me know what you thought of the film or my review in the comments below. Thanks for reading!

#when evil lurks #Ezequiel Rodriguez #Demián Salomon #Paula Rubinsztein

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joy-haver · 11 months

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What I learned from being sick.

When one thing goes wrong, it’s more likely that another will go wrong. But also, when you start to improve something, itll probably get easier to improve other things.

Everything is everything. Take small steps and big ones. prevent harm where you can. Cause and effect form loops that feedback and build more of what is already built.

This is the best thing and the worst thing. When you are in a position where things are going downhill so hard, it feel’s impossible to ever go up again. And that’s okay, it may be impossible. But what’s almost definitely possible is to slow it down. Remove as many factors from the loop as possible. Those that can’t be removed should be diminished.

What you will find is that you suddenly have all these small, positive feedback loops. Maybe youre eating in a way that makes you feel better, and that gives you more energy to cook, so you can eat a little better again and for a little cheaper. And maybe you are riding your bike a little more, which builds strength and makes injuries less common in your legs, and also means you can ride to pick up your own meds, making it less likely for you to get them late.

These small things add up. But more than that, they continually open up new opportunities for improvement that weren’t there before. This part of it is particularly important, because it means even the little things, the things that don’t amount to much on there own, don’t have to just be valued on their own merit. They are part of a greater push towards positive looping. They are integral steps that make up the whole.

But still, it’s not about “getting there”. There is no place to get too. You can’t go into this stuff hoping to be abled again. As much as possible, I’d advise avoiding specific goals. I really wanted to play guitar again and be able to draw. Those goals made me not see the possibilities of dobro and watercolor, which filled similar needs in my life, but we’re much more achievable with my hand issues.

It is good to know what needs aren’t being filled in your life, and to try and find the most accessible ways to fill them. We all need food, exercise, water, art, joy, time among plants, novelty, community, and deep trusting relationships. A big part of what disability is is not being able to get these needs met in the ways you want to or in ways that are best for you. This sucks. But sometimes, things are out of your control.

In AA, one asks for “The serenity accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

With my disabilities, the courage to change what I can hasn’t been the primary limiter. The main issue I’ve had has been being too close minded on how something can change. I keep imagining narrower possibilities than what exists in reality. And that makes sense. None of us can see the whole of what’s possible at any moment. But that is where open mindedness and novelty can really open up a whole new world of recovery.

because recovery isn’t “I’ll be how I was before.”

It’s not “I’ll be the way I want to be” either.

Recovery is the process of learning how to fill your time. Recovery is the process of learning how to meet your needs. It’s about learning what options are available to you, and letting those lead to more options.

In doing this, start by doing whatever will be the most helpful for the least effort. This isn’t an exact science, and there is trial and error involved. For me, this means drinking enough water, eating within 3 hours of waking up, and putting on my back brace the moment my back reaches a certain pain threshold. Those are the easiest things I can do that will help the most. They form a foundation that allows me to do the next easiest, the next most helpful things, like the dishes, and socializing, and art. Those things help me cook more, thing clearer, and maintain my relationships of support with caregivers. All of that lets me exercise more, and build strength, and do laundry. Essentially, learn to apply the ideology of triage to your own disaiblity.

Okay< i don't have a conclusion to this that ties everything on it together, so ill say this

Everything is everything. Do what you can. Don't wait unless you have to.

#disability #recovery #cpunk #cripple punk #phyiscal disability #text post #long post #rose baker

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pokemoncenter · 1 year

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How To Make A Character For RP

I was asked and so I decided to write a guide on the subject. Sorry for the wait, and I hope this helps anyone who needs it who wants to get started in RP!

(Though this is for the Pokemon RP Tumblr community mainly, and thus will be written with that in mind, the basic gist should be good for any kind of RP you want to do!)

The first rule to keep in mind, the very first rule, the one that supercedes all others in character creation:

Have fun.

It sounds trite, but it really is the most important rule- You’re not going to want to write a character if you don’t enjoy the concept. If you aren’t having fun, then writing will become a chore, and that’s the surest and fastest way to make sure you stop.

(Obviously, what takes priority over even that is your RP partners’ comfort, but if you’re still creating a character, you’re probably not there yet.)

So, with that said! Let’s start with the basics:

Step one: Your basic concept

To start with, let’s come up with your most basic concept. It doesn’t have to be anything big to start out- It could be as minor as “a trainer who has a certain Pokemon”.

The key to this is figuring out what you want to play. Not just related to the abovementioned having fun, but also, figuring out what you want to play with helps narrow down ideas for your concept.

For example: Do you want to be an ordinary person just interacting with daily life things? Or would you rather be a special, major character? Would you rather keep to the tone and canon as established by your canon’s setting? Would you rather strike out and explore tones and ideas canon wouldn’t touch?

WIth Pokemon, there are several options you could try to build a character around- You could be a normal trainer, or not even a trainer, just a random person in a city. You could be a champion-level Trainer, or a protagonist on a journey. You could be a member of an evil Team, or even its boss. Or you could be even a person from another dimension, Fallen into the Pokemon world… or even a talking Pokemon yourself. Even Legendary Pokemon are allowed.

It doesn’t have to be anything special, either. For example, the original basic concept that became Sophora was “wouldn’t it be very silly for a veterinarian to try to give a Vaporeon shots. They’d just blorb.” And that was it! That was what I started with.

The sheer amount of possibilities does make this the most difficult, and probably most daunting, step. But once you get this down, the rest comes much easier.

You may want to draw from yourself, to use your own experiences as a concept, or try to make something completely separate from you. Everything is personal preference!

Step two: Refining the concept

So, you’ve gotten your basic concept- Let’s start with a basic example! Let’s continue with using my own character, Sophora, as the primary example. Her basic concept was “a veterinarian who has to deal with trying to give Pokemon shots.”

Once you have a basic concept, the next thing to do is ask questions. “Why does this person live in that city?” “Why does this Trainer only have one Pokemon, and that one?” “How did they get that Pokemon?”

From there, you’ll also want to consider other concepts you’ll want to play with. You don’t have to limit yourself to one basic concept, after all! I wanted to play with the idea of how normal people might get involved with evil teams, so this added two more concepts into the mix- “Former evil Team grunt” and “normal person”. From there, I remembered how Pokemon Special involved some Team Plasma grunts who genuinely believed in their mission, and then it squared itself easily.

Once you’ve put together all your concepts, you should be left with a fairly decent picture of a coherent whole- Your character, as they are in the present, in their current situation.

So, you have your character’s present circumstances, so you’re done, right? WRONG next category!

Step three: From concept to character

All you have right now are the character’s present circumstances. That’s not enough to start writing, and especially not enough to respond to other people. There are two major things you need to consider from here: Your character’s personality and their history.

Some people like to build one and then use that to inform the other, in either order. Some people like to build them both at the same time. I personally tend to start with personality first, then work backwards from there to determine history, but many people prefer the opposite. I personally find that it’s easier to start with personality and then work backwards to determine history, but some people prefer to start from the beginning with history and use that to inform personality.

Regardless, the effect is roughly the same. If you start with personality, think about what traits you’d find interesting and fun to play off of other characters. (Keep in mind for RP, you aren’t writing solo! You have to consider what you find fun to bounce off other people.) Then you want to think back to question what made them that way! This is similar to the ‘refining your concept’ stage, but it is much more detailed. If your character doesn’t trust people, why don’t they? Did something happen to them, or is it just a natural part of who they are? If something happened, what was it? If it’s just part of them, how did that affect things in their past?

You don’t need to have a complete play-by-play of every event in their life. But by working backwards, by connecting how one event leads to another, you can build a fairly coherent overview. The details don’t need to be filled in- They can be filled in later, in play, as things come up.

So, are you done now? Nope, not yet!

Step four: Play!

“Wait, but you just said we’re not done!”

That’s right. You don’t have everything you need- But here’s the secret: You will never figure out everything you need before you start playing. When you start playing, something unexpected always comes up. So don’t sweat the details too much. If you wait until you have every possible detail sorted out, you’ll never start playing. So it’s much better to just have the major points, the important stuff, and let the details get filled in as they come up.

Once you’ve really put a bunch of work and thought into characters, they have a way of coming alive and surprising even the writer. You may think your character acts or would respond one way, but when the event actually comes up in RP, they’ll react in a totally different way that surprises even you. Keep an open mind, and chase what’s fun and interesting!

With that in mind, you’re ready to start playing. Have fun, always be sure to check with your RP partners’ comfort, warn if you’ve got triggering content, and keep at it!

#ooc post

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zwy01 · 3 months

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Werewolf OCs!!

Yayy more headcanons and stuff. Basically continuing off the post I made a few months ago regarding Maduke’s business with his literal dozens of disposable tools children.

Well, there’s more to it. And it gets worse. By a lot.

Link to previous post for more context (highly recommended for a full understanding of this post’s context):

In my previous post I’ve mentioned how Maduke probably has 50 ish children. To be precise, those are the ones we more or less know of, as in the ones who 1. survived early childhood and 2. somewhat have their names recognized by a decent portion of werewolf society.

This doesn’t include the ones that either died or disappeared before they were really “introduced” to the clan, if at all. In fact, it is possible that no werewolves (except for Maduke himself) even knew of these werewolf children’s existence. Not even their own mothers. I’ll get to that in just a bit.

Long story short.

Long, long ago, Maduke had already been conspiring with certain evil nobles for some time, before Muzaka’s disappearance and his own eventual ascension to the position of Lord of the Werewolves. Just as the nobles needed to gain Maduke’s trust, he also had to gain their trust, as the sentiment had to be mutual before either party was willing to take it to the next level.

So on Maduke’s part, he had to offer something to the nobles to prove his sincerity as well as his full commitment to their mutual cause. It can be reasonably inferred that whatever it was, it was related to them eventually plotting to have the Noblesse and Muzaka take each other out. Anyways, Maduke’s offer couldn’t have been just anything. This was the problem. The nobles already had everything they could possibly want. They were as self-sufficient at it gets from a material standpoint. There wasn’t much for Maduke to give. There was nothing he could think of, as he was also aware that his fellow conspirators probably had all that they needed back in Lukedonia.

Maduke was certain that whatever he decides to offer has to be both irresistible and unheard of. And it has to be solid. No concepts, no empty promises, but something the nobles can physically get their hands on. An object basically. And Maduke couldn’t just do the bare minimum; he had to impress them. And then… he had the most brilliant and evilest of ideas. Maduke recalled one of the nobles mentioning how he enjoys “doing rather harmless research on living beings for the sake of their kind’s advancement” or something along those lines. Perhaps that was a very twisted way of saying “I like doing cruel experiments on my own kind and I will do whatever it takes to fulfill my own selfish goals, and I’ll gladly sacrifice them at anytime”.

Hah. That’s it.

Even if this specific fellow conspirator was very smart and cunning, he still needed to be very careful if he wanted to stay undetected under his noble Lord’s eyes. Too many odd disappearances would raise suspicions, and in the case where a pattern arises, it would harder to pass them off as a mere coincidence. But when you think about it… those disappearances only applied to nobles. They are registered in the system, and every disappearance would be marked and investigated, which makes illegal experimentation much harder, especially if it involves accidental or intentional killing of the subjects. No one said anything about members of other races. Well, experimenting on humans wasn’t completely unheard of at that time, even though the law banned it long ago. Even then, smuggling humans to work on wasn’t worth the time. Humans have their limits. They are fragile, they are short-lived, and overall just make unimpressive test subjects.

Werewolves on the other hand… they would make much more worthwhile test subjects. Even your average werewolf is much more durable than the outliers of the human race. Yup. Maduke figured it out pretty quickly. He could find a way to smuggle werewolves into Lukedonia for the evil nobles to experiment on. No one would suspect a thing. Besides, no noble test subjects being involved means no noble disappearances at all, which would make cruel experiments much more easy to carry out for his fellow conspirators. And secretly bringing werewolves into Lukedonia itself is unprecedented, let alone with the intention of using them as test subjects. Yeah, no one will even think in that direction. Perfect. Even Maduke had himself impressed by his own idea.

Except this is easier said than done. Unlike humans, werewolves can fight back. They are strong, they are feisty, and they can cause a lot of damage. Maduke couldn’t just randomly pick members of his own kind and send them off to their doom like he can do as he pleases with the grapes in his vineyard. He had to maintain his own image in front the general werewolf population. This was no easy task, as he had to maneuver around both Muzaka’s followers and his own followers. Maduke needed to be careful. Kidnapping active clan members was not an option, as he would raise suspicions within the clan, and many of them can actually resist capture. Speaking of which, the nobles probably don’t want ones who can’t fight back. Even if Maduke were to offer his fellow werewolves as part of a negotiation gift, they couldn’t be just any werewolf. The nobles wouldn’t want your average werewolf. To impress them, Maduke figured that he needed to offer ones that are stronger, faster, and tougher. The warriors. Someone who is capable of reaching that rank, would be suitable.

Now what? Warriors could defend themselves and are no easy prey. The only state in which werewolf warriors cannot fight back is when they are still young. Children. Infants. The implication is obvious. If Maduke had no warriors he could offer right away, he’ll just make some. Problem solved.

At this point Maduke had already started to build and solidify his power through his kin, so this wasn’t exactly a new concept to him. It’d be easy, he thought. All he needed to do was to hand pick a few strong ones and send them to the nobles right after they’re born. Heh, excellent idea.

So Maduke contacted his fellow conspirators in Lukedonia about his offer and let them know that this is his way of showing sincerity from his end. The nobles, particularly one of them, were more than willing to accept Maduke’s deal. They seemed to favor the idea. Except they wanted more. Maduke had written three strong werewolf infants aka. “warrior material” in his initial offer. The nobles replied and demanded that as long as there are multiples in one birth, he has to give one to them. If he has twins, he gets to keep one; if he has triplets, he gets to keep two, and so on. And don’t try to secretly keep one for yourself, because we’ll figure it out. Anything worthy of your blood, you must select one and give them to us, they said.

Fuck. Damn those nobles. Greedy and insatiable as ever, aren’t they. If Maduke was cunning, the nobles were just as cunning. They knew the game just as well as he did. As much as Maduke wanted to reject this extra request, he needed help from the nobles’ side. So Maduke reluctantly agreed to this extra condition, and the deal was sealed. That is all.

Maduke would’ve preferred to keep every single one of the strongest of his kin for himself, as they all were his resources, but he had no choice but to make this sacrifice on his part if he were to have the nobles’ support. After all, Maduke had trade something of equal value for what he desired, to keep it fair. Perhaps he even pitied himself, now that he couldn’t get to keep all his “tools” for himself. Woe is me for being robbed of what I am entitled to, he thought. Pretty ironic considering how he was literally robbing his own kin of the lives they could’ve had. But it doesn’t matter, because the only one he cares about is himself. Oh, Maduke, Maduke. Tsktsk.

The next part wasn’t so hard, now that Maduke had figured out the last piece of the puzzle. Stillborn werewolves weren’t an uncommon sight. Sad, but not unfamiliar. Maduke knew how to manipulate his partners using this phenomenon. He would be there while his partners gave birth. When his partners had more than one living child, he would take one away immediately before their own mother was aware of the situation. He would then tell the mother that he took one away because they were born still and didn’t want to “sadden” her any further with the sight of their dead child. Some of them weren’t easy to convince, but in the end, Maduke gets what he wants with his lies.

Of course, Maduke didn’t do this with every single birth with multiple children in it, as it would’ve been way too suspicious anyway. And the nobles were never really interested in the more “average” test subjects, so Maduke only snuck out the ones who were visibly stronger and sturdier, which were signs of children who had the potential of a future warrior. There wasn’t a single time when Maduke hadn’t wished that he could keep all the stronger ones for his own use, but he had to honor his end of the promise to the nobles. His loss. A huge loss, but still worth it in the big picture. Besides, he could just have even more kids. Simple solution for a simple problem.

You’ll never know what Maduke’s bottom line is, because it is seemingly nonexistent.

And that concludes the second part of my Maduke hcs.

Now onto the OCs! They are all Maduke’s children.

(Btw Maduke never names any of his children. He is completely indifferent to that matter, just like how he only sees them as his tools. Their mothers do the naming)

(These OCs are not listed in any particular order. Their age order is flexible, even then it is not important to the story)

Finn: Son of Bianca and Lunark’s full-sibling. Turns out Lunark isn’t her mother’s only child... Finn is actually her twin and younger brother. Maduke had to honor his promise and pick one to keep for himself and send the other one to the nobles. Lunark was the one he kept, and Finn was the one he gave up. Maduke could sense that both of Bianca’s children are powerful, and he had a hard time deciding. Ultimately, he kept Lunark simply because she has Bianca’s eyes. Of course he told Bianca that the second child was a stillborn and that he got rid of him for her because he “felt so much sorrow” for their son’s death. Bianca never believed him. She knew Lunark’s twin was born healthy and strong, but she kept quiet for her and her daughter’s sake, as she couldn’t risk their safety. Perhaps Bianca’s departure from werewolf island had something to do with her missing son. She refuses to believe that he is dead, and will search the world for him.

Finn was the name Bianca gave to her “dead” son she never even got to see. The nobles’ name for him is Hadeon. He was very well-hidden as a test subject and still remains isolated in a lab operated by some members of Lagus’ remaining devoted followers. Turns out Raskreia failed to weed out all of them.

Finn is alive in the present day and whether he gets rescued and reunited with his mother and sister, whom he has no knowledge of, is a mystery. No one knows anything about his personality, likes and dislikes, just… nothing. His fate remains unknown.

Pomme: Daughter of Savanna and Kentas’ full-sibling. Technically, his sister-to-be if his mother hadn’t been murdered by his father. This is what Pomme would’ve looked like if she survived along with her mother. Pomme was conceived about a week or two before Savannah discovered Maduke’s true nature, threatened to expose him, and told him that she’d take her son with her. Maduke had to silence Savannah on the spot and he didn’t care if she was pregnant with his second child. Savannah truly loved Maduke with all her heart and sworn loyalty to him up until the very moment she found out about his schemes. A tragedy for Savannah and Pomme, and Kentas who lost both his mother and unborn sister. Pomme would’ve grown up as a strong, all-rounder werewolf warrior just like her older brother, whom she would’ve affectionately called “Kenny”. She would’ve loved to sit on her mother’s apple tree and enjoy fresh apples together with her family, and have butterflies land on the tip of her nose.

Pomme was never born and Savannah remains “missing” in the present day and Kentas still thinks his mother had only disappeared, unaware that she is dead with his unborn younger sibling whom he doesn’t even know had existed.

Copper: Son of an unnamed werewolf woman. Copper was a hard worker. He really tried his best. Despite his efforts, he just wasn’t born as a fighter and he was very lacking in terms of both his abilities in combat and his will to fight. Copper was one of the many “weaker” children in the background whom Maduke assigned spy/informant duties to. Even then, he failed to prove himself to be useful to his father and eventually the latter ordered to have him delivered to the labs. Copper begged and begged Maduke for another chance as he was being dragged away to his doom. Being the relatively weak werewolf he was, he didn’t last for long as a test subject. He cried and screamed for his mother as the werewolf scientists strapped him down and injected him with what would become the dose that kills him. Unbeknownst to him, his mother was too busy trying to redeem herself in front of Maduke with promises of more children, where she pretty much forgot that Copper even existed.

Copper stays dead without any sort of proper burial as his body was burnt in a pile with many other “failed” test subjects. His presence was a weak one and not even many of siblings remember him. Lunark builds a little tombstone for him by the shores.

Olga: Daughter of an unnamed werewolf woman. She is no warrior, just like many of her siblings who ended up as spies and informants because they weren’t good enough to be warriors thus had no right to stand directly next to their father. Olga would’ve been shipped off to the labs just like her half-sibling Copper, but she saved herself. You see, Olga is smart. Money smart. She risked her life by appearing in front of Maduke without him summoning her and asked for a chance to prove herself, and that he’ll definitely find her to be very useful to him. To her surprise, Maduke did not yell at her or have her dragged away. Perhaps he was in a good mood, or he was feeling generous. Doesn’t matter what it was. He simply told her very well, then prove it within the time frame he gives her. And Olga did. Olga was successful. Very successful. Turns out, she is very good at organizing the clan’s budget and saved a lot of time and money for Maduke. She is also very efficient at turning money into more money. To everyone’s surprise, she rose through the ranks very quickly despite not being a warrior and was soon able to secure herself a spot where her status couldn’t be touched by anyone… not even Maduke himself. She was simply too unique and valuable to him, even if he wanted to dispose of her for whatever reasons, which he did not have. He was quite satisfied with her contributions. Her talent ended up saving her from the tragic fate that most of her half-siblings suffered from.

Olga is alive in the present day and continues to manage money for the clan after Muzaka’s return as Lord. She is the one who communicates with her youngest half-sibling and celebrity Oswald Kravei when he sends part of his paycheck back home to support the revival of his clan. The werewolves are able to thrive financially thanks to them.

Erez: Son of an unnamed werewolf woman. He is no warrior. He is also fortunate in an unfortunate way. Just like his half-sister Olga, he had a talent that saved him from being tossed away by his father sooner or later. Erez has a thing for science. Specifically, he knows how to work with werewolf bodies. His intuition and understanding of body modifications meant that his father would assign him to work in the labs as a scientist. At least way better than being a test subject. But how much better? Many of the test subjects that were ruthlessly dumped into his and his team’s labs were his acquaintances. His friends. And… his family. In fact, Erez was the one who injected Copper with the final dose that killed him. Copper was his half-sibling and cousin, and their mothers were sisters. Erez couldn’t have possibly disobeyed his father’s orders, unless he wanted to die too. Maduke, for the “greater good” of the clan, would continue to kill his own clan members through Erez’ hands. Erez is permanently traumatized.

Erez is alive in the present day, and no longer works in the labs. In fact he can’t even go near them at all because it would trigger his trauma. He is very ashamed of himself for surviving while most of his siblings are dead, and thinks of himself as a coward. Currently, he lives alone in a more secluded area in werewolf island and his only activity is tending to a small farm, as some form of atonement/self exile/whatever his way of coping is. He refuses to listen to Lunark, Kentas and his other remaining living siblings when they reassure him that it wasn’t his fault, and rejects all their invitations to come live with the rest of the werewolves in the more populated areas.

Meryam: Daughter of an unnamed werewolf woman. Meryam was a not a warrior. She shared a mother with Rio, and was Rio’s older sister. Meryam worked as a spy for Maduke. She was sharp, diligent, and ruthless. She was also completely loyal to Maduke, and the latter could trust her more than his other children. Meryam carried out all his orders without question. Her inability to reach the warrior status never stopped her from her work. Meryam’s main task was to keep tabs on the nobles whom Maduke worked with. Just because he had a deal with them doesn’t mean that he trusted them completely. Besides, he was only using them as they were using him, and he was going to get rid of them altogether anyway. Maduke needed to monitor them and Meryam was the answer. Well, one of them. But the nobles weren’t dumb. Maduke wasn’t the only one with spies. The nobles knew. They figured it out sooner or later, and ambushed and captured Meryam and brought her back to Lukedonia for questioning and later using her as a test subject because it would’ve been a waste to kill her immediately. Meryam kept her mouth shut even as she was being brutally tortured by the nobles in their lab. Anything for Maduke. She eventually dies as their experiments exceeded her body’s maximum threshold.

Meryam stays dead and Maduke couldn’t say anything to the nobles about her going missing because then it would’ve been him admitting to sending spies to watch his supposed allies. In return, he simply killed their spies. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. We aren’t so different from each other, are we?

Rio: Son of an unnamed werewolf woman. Rio was a warrior. He didn’t have much endurance but he was blessed with large amounts of explosive power. He shared a mother with Meryam, and was Meryam’s younger brother. Just like his sister, Rio was fiercely loyal to Maduke. His father’s will was his will. Rio was determined enough to eliminate anyone who stood in his father’s way, even if they were his family. According to ancient tradition, Rio’s status as warrior was a debatable one because he more or less only achieved the rank after he received a bloodstone implant. But again there was no such thing as tradition under Maduke’s reign because of course Maduke’s very existence was the new tradition. Rio had his own party of werewolves and was sent by Maduke to search the lands for other potential intruders during the werewolf arc, but they didn’t run into anyone. Rio died from getting his life sucked out of him from Maduke’s bloodstone implants, as he was one of the less fortunate werewolves who didn’t make a recovery after Maduke was destroyed.

Rio stays dead and the werewolves gave him a proper burial with Maduke’s other victims.

Kiba: Daughter of an unnamed werewolf woman.

Kiba is a warrior. She is the speedy type of werewolf, similar to Kuharu. She’s actually his niece. Unlike most of her half-siblings, Kiba was aware of her father’s cunningness and cruelty since the beginning. While she didn’t have a full understanding of his true nature, she had a pretty good grasp of what this man was capable of. And her guesses were right. You can say she “woke up” much earlier than the rest of her family. For her and her mother’s safety, she pledged fake loyalty to Maduke. Thank goodness werewolves don’t have something called mind reading, so Maduke never found out that her loyalty was only for show. As long as Kiba keeps her acting real, she can fool Maduke and wait for someone to overthrow him eventually. And she succeeded. Muzaka came back, and Maduke is dead.

Kiba is alive in the present day and resides in werewolf island with her mother. Both mother and daughter are adjusting very well to their new lives free of Maduke and his evil deeds. Kiba adores her youngest half-sibling Oswald, and eventually gets into modeling just like him and moves her primary residence to somewhere in the human world close to Oz. As of now, she doesn’t earn as much as Oz since the he is a huge global celebrity, but she wishes to become famous like him one day so she can send a lot of money back home to support her family and clan members just like Oz has been doing.

She is one of Ozzy’s primary caretakers during his youth.

Flea: Son of an unnamed werewolf woman.

Flea is a warrior. He is the very tanky type of fighter with a lot of endurance, and has an abnormally high regeneration ability even amongst his fellow warriors. Just like how Hila dealt with Uzhir, Flea’s mother noped out of parenting him as soon as he was weaned, and left him to Maduke. Of course Maduke didn’t want the hassle of raising him. Or any child of his, for that matter, so he dumped Flea onto his older half-siblings and told them to do the work. Normally Maduke wouldn’t have cared at all, but Flea had the potential of a warrior, so the former made sure to have the latter live up to it. Flea’s only problem was that he got clingy very easily. And he got attached fast. To his half-siblings who were his caretakers, to the random old werewolf lady who gave him a treat… etc. He ended up clinging onto anyone who gave him attention, whether it was good or bad attention. While some of his siblings were okay with taking care of him, most of them were less than happy to be assigned to this mess of a werewolf, so they collectively named him “Flea” because he just kept coming back no matter how mean they were to him. Dammit, you just couldn’t get rid of him. Flea even ended up getting attached to Maduke. None of Maduke’s children were allowed to call him father and would get severely punished if they did. Flea tried to find other ways. He worked under Maduke as a warrior, so he saw him quite often. Flea peeked at Maduke whenever he had the chance, and when he got caught, and he simply smiled at his father before bowing his head back down. Curiously, Maduke never punished Flea for his clingy bevavior. Perhaps he was intrigued by how Flea still managed to adore him no matter how much he treated him like trash and kicked him around like a dog. Flea was just emotionally needy, even if it meant looking for comfort in his tyrant father. Probably wasn’t the healthiest thing. Either way. Maduke was rather amused with this scene and kept Flea around as his unofficial jester and personal bodyguard.

Maduke actually sent Flea to guard his cellar during the werewolf arc because hey, he’s gonna kill all the intruders and win and come for a drink with his jester after the battle. Too bad he lost and now he’s dead. Flea had no idea of what happened at all. Rip.

Flea is alive in the present day and resides in werewolf island with the rest of his family. He manages Maduke’s wine collection, and found someone else to cling onto… Ozzy! He’s also one of Oswald’s primary caretakers. He eventually leaves werewolf island and follows Ozzy around and continues to be his youngest brother’s guardian. Ozzy enjoys the love smothering from his older half-brother and they are close.

Clover: Son of an unnamed werewolf woman. He is not a warrior. In fact, he was born with the same defect that Maduke’s sister Willow had; he has neither fangs nor claws and can’t transform at all. Maduke wanted to get rid of Clover immediately after his birth because it would’ve been a waste to spend resources on someone who wasn’t even slightly worthy of his blood, but Clover’s mother resisted and wanted to protect her son at all costs. Clover’s mother is a powerful warrior and Maduke realized he could turn this situation in his favor and manipulate her. He told her that he will let Clover live on the condition that she births him more children that are worthy of his blood. Clover’s mother agreed, and Maduke let him live. Due to Clover’s defects, Maduke never gave him a job of any sort. He isn’t going to be of much help anyway, and he already does a good job of keeping his mother obedient even if he himself isn’t aware of the deal between his parents. How useful. Clover acted as a caretaker for his younger siblings despite being unable to control them and getting hurt at times due to being much weaker than them. He never understood why his mother just kept having more children, but he never once questioned her, out of respect. His mother only revealed the truth after Maduke’s death and Clover was devastated.

Clover is alive in the present day, though he probably doesn’t have much longer to live due to his defects and he will likely get the same illness Willow had and eventually die sick. His mother will outlive him, but he will do his best to take care of her while he’s still alive. Clover and his mother leave the rest of their family behind and permanently depart werewolf island to spend the rest of their days in peace.

And that’s it for now!

Maybe I’ll do a post of Hila’s journal of werewolf herbs with headcanons of leaves and berries and stuff. Fun stuff.

(p.s. don’t think I’ve said this here before but I am open to questions, chatting, anything really when it comes to HCs, OCs etc. anything is welcome!)

Thank you for reading and stay tuned for future posts!

#noblesse #manhwa #myart #oc #ocs #original character

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absolutely-normal-about-x · 3 months

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Cyber Elves

So since the topic of Cyber elves are in my mind let’s talk about them in the Context of Legends (And Reborn itself)

For the longest time the Cyber elves continued to exist even after the Floods that ruined the planet. Cyberspace is still around and their energy is still used to power certain things. Since then over the years the origin and information of cyber elves were lost to Terra and its people (Yes it includes Elyisians too but to some degree). Unlike humans, Carbons can sort of see cyber elves thanks to their machine-like nature, but they see them as balls of light and can’t hear them as they speak in an almost incomprehensible language. So it's pretty hard to directly interact with them since the tech that is needed to communicate has been lost to time.

Also they reside in specific ruins that connect to cyberspace since most tech of Terra are primitive so they can’t interact much as they used to in the past. Since the ruins and reflectors' energy are kinda made from them. So they are commonly found in ruins of terra. But that doesn’t stop them from messing with the carbon population by making their tech haywire or getting weird.

They are still mischievous creatures at the end of the day so they use this to play or attempt to interact with the Carbons. Carbons have started to call these creatures “Sprites” or “Spirits” because again they don’t really know the real name of the Elves.

Many diggers would often deal with Cyber Elves when exploring ruins. Either seeing their small balls of light floating around on the ruins, their equipment getting a bit too funky because of their antics and other bullshit. So it slowly becomes a common saying that if your device has been randomly acting weird in the middle of a Dig it’s probably the work of a “spirit” who’s doing this!

Even on occasions if you see a dead digger being surrounded by glowing lights it’s best to leave them alone as many believe that they guide the lost souls of Diggers to the afterlife. Since even not knowing their connection, Cyber elves were once Living beings so there’s some truth into it.

It’s never recorded or known that it’s possible for a Cyber elf to fuse with a Carbon. Because it’s mostly just rumors, some believe that it can grant a Carbon more power for a limited time, others believe that they can drive a person to absolute insanity and other mysterious ways. Seeing that they can interact with machines but since carbons are not exactly purely machine it’s unknown what happens to them or what are the known effects.

It’s possible to see a full on Cyber Elf…if you got to ruins that have a high concentration of cyber energy that is powerful enough to connect to cyberspace. But these ruins are extremely rare and dangerous and a few that venture there never truly make it out. There's been rumors for those who claim to enter those ruins and survive but they are never the same again….so these ruins are strictly off limits unless you have a special permit and that you are a High-Class S class Digger team.

Since X was once a cyber elf at some point he can see them more clearly but can’t really understand what they are saying. Also his knowledge of them could come in handy when it comes to dealing with them or finding ways to communicate with them. The guardians and Volnutt have this trait as well.

But there is one person on Terra who can not only understand the Cyber elves but also see clearly.

Zero

Since well…the Mother Elf and a Certain other were made from him after all.

#megaman x #megaman legends #legends reborn #au #headcanon #lore #Cyber Elves #Cyber elves are fucked up creatures ur honor

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raventroll80 · 22 days

Note

I don't actually know, like, anything about your oc's. Give me a primer on 'em so I can start forming silly little headcanons about them?

Thank you so much for the ask!

I have a few ocs from a couple different things so I’m gonna organize them by the thing they’re connected to. (This is going to be a really long post, sorry)

The Troll Doomguy Au

(honestly I need to think of a proper name for this lol)

Things are a little messy and all over the place time wise as I didn’t originally plan for this to become a full on fic.

Slayer (the aforementioned troll Doomguy)

Roughly 15 feet of angry troll who also has a habit of eating the demons.

Cropped his ears at some point to make them look vaguely human, almost docked his tail but chose not to after seeing some now probably extinct species of demon use their tail as a weapon.

From the events of 2016 and prior he had the Meathook on his tail but put it on his shotgun after the attachment was ripped off by a certain grudge holding Cyberdemon.

In the events of Eternal it’s been replaced with a mace and has a more limited range.

He’s pretty smart despite what most people think, it’s just that a lot of his problems can genuinely be solved with Incredible Violence.

Has a very hazy recollection of the events of Doom 1993 and anything before that is even more hazy due to him repressing those memories.

He did have a wife and kid (stepson) who he loved dearly but lost them during an “accident”

Despite all this he’s actually pretty chill!

He tends to get easily attached to people who aren’t as easily afraid of him.

Considers Valen as family despite Valen himself not really knowing.

Mim Digsby

In the events of A Beast on Mars, Mim is the last human alive in the Mars Facility.

5,4 gremlin of a person who likes to take apart machinery in their spare time.

They’re a miner and mechanic who usually works with excavation equipment, and has clearance to work with mining gloves.

Started the trend of saying thank you to VEGA whenever one of the drones did something helpful or brought supplies. (This is also what got them their mechanic training after VEGA did some light string pulling)

Has punched a foreman for trying to make people continue mining in an unstable tunnel.

Used to be in a relationship with an Elite Guard prior to their “promotion” but things didn’t really work out after, but the two are still friends.

Is on Mars as part of a “criminal rehabilitation program”. Their license expired on their way moving back to Massachusetts and got arrested after getting into a fight with some rich dude at a bar.

VEGA (my take on Vega at least)

Plant enthusiast, he thinks they’re neat. Slayer was more than happy to give him a section of the greenhouses for his own personal garden.

Didn’t like Slayer at first due to how aggressive he seemed to be towards the equipment of the facility and was worried he’d end up harming any possible survivors.

Quickly found out he truly means best for the survivors of the invasion and also feels sympathetic towards Slayer after finding out the little bits of memory he does have regarding the UAC.

He’s pretty sure if he was capable of getting headaches he’d be getting them daily from Slayer trying to do something stupid i.e trying to fist fight a demon twice his size.

Keeps a list of all the things he’s caught Slayer eating that he probably shouldn’t be.

This list includes: excessive amounts of demons, Gore Nest remains, garbage from a cafeteria, an unidentified Argenta plant, dirt, Hellgrowth, and “mystery meat”.

Derrin Willams (Troll au Intern)

Used to own rats, but they passed away prior to the invasion.

Tech support for the ARC but also just helped out wherever needed.

Liked reading about the Slayer and Argent D’Nur and found him fascinating and was genuinely ecstatic to meet him. (He really wants to see a withrin)

Still gets spooked by Slayer from time to time, but has managed to spook him back.

Surprisingly good with a gun and can at least hold his own against zombies and like a singular imp scout

(Not really a personality fact but his last name comes from my blind ass mistaking the numbers on his uniform as the word William or Willams)

There are other characters and ocs I plan to appear in the au but I haven’t gotten there and burnout is making things hard in general, oof. I’ll probably do up a bigger one of these specifically for the troll au in the future.

Stowaway Mer au

I’m doing the Mer au version of Stowaway mostly because there’s significantly more stuff for it (see nearly 30 drawings and like 6 chapters for one au). But honestly it’s pretty far removed from Doom and I might rework it into its own thing… which means redesigning nearly 30 sea demons….

Em Barbatus

5,3, Former Canadian

Ace

Loves horror movies and practical effects.

Lived with her “aunty” Nihm in an apartment in Port Murlow prior to moving into the Old Taggart house with Flynn.

Works at a bait shop and Mr. Grimmar’s Occult Shop.

Training to be a mortician at the mortuary the Mr. Silas Grimmar owns.

Owns some homemade ghost hunting equipment and occasionally mucks about old abandoned places with her friends looking for ghosts.

Occasionally helps out at the local theatre’s costume department

Has committed the third least amount of crimes out of the main cast of the mer au

Hobby of beach combing and diving for junk in Taggart Bay.

Seth (technical Seth Willams in regular Stowaway)

The token mer of the mer au lol

Looks like a mix of leopard and Port Jackson shark and is from the Indo Pacific and southern Pacific Ocean (he is very fucking lost)

Needs glasses but can’t exactly get any as he’s a fish man.

Has a fear of the open ocean and orcas and does not enjoy long travels between the reefs an kelp

Has a fascination with human technology and history and enjoys exploring shipwrecks with his siblings. Though after a bad experience with some humans he is somewhat distrustful of them.

Has no clue how the hell he ended up in the Atlantic.

Has committed the least amount of crimes… so far

Flynn Taggart

Looks intimidating but is actually pretty chill

Moved to Port Murlow following his discharge from the military for various reasons.

Has many fond memories of his visits there when his grandfather lived in it, though he still doesn’t like the basement even now that he’s older.

Starting to show signs of selective mutism and is learning sign language because of it. He also isn’t a fan of eye contact anymore after the mountain incident.

Has a picture of Daisy in his wallet and is looking into getting her certified as an emotional support animal.

Recently gotten a job on a fishing boat and already doesn’t like his boss.

He inherited the house from his now missing grandfather Keen.

Doesn’t like being alone in the house

Tied with Vega for the second most crimes committed in the au (this wasn’t intentional I realized how many of the characters have committed crimes in this like halfway through the month)

Speaking of Vega

Vega Triton

Has a degree in marine biology and is currently studying a newly discovered species of bioluminescent algae he named Vegastella scriptorseintillais

Vega is the second oldest person living in the Old Taggart house.

Used to work with Dr. Hayden and Pierce but after an accident that left many researchers including Olivia dead Vega and Samuel had a dispute which left the two very bitter with each other.

He blames himself for the aforementioned accident.

Vega moved into the old Taggart house after realizing that living on a cave connected to another cave containing hallucinogenic algae is not good for his mental and physical health.

Nihm Barbatus

Freelance security guard and one Em’s mentors.

Met Em during one of her contacts on a cargo ship that had left Canada.

Made friends with Flynn when he was briefly a freelance security guard, and was the one who told Em that Flynn was looking for roommates.

Friend of the Grimmar couple.

She also has a large extended family and plans to bring Em with her to the next family reunion.

Silas Grimmar

Port Murlow’s goth grandpa

7,3 and build like a coffin

Been happily married to his husband Hiram for many, many years.

Runs the local mortuary and an Occult shop

A jovial old man who often volunteers at the local theatre.

Graduated with a degree in mortuary science and occult studies from Miskatonic University.

Tea drinker

Hiram Grimmar

Silas’ husband and owner of the antique store across the street from Silas’ occult shop.

Has an archeology degree and is a retired archeologist.

Met Silas when his team needed to consult someone on some artifacts they had dug up.

Coffee drinker.

#ohgod this turned out a lot longer than I was expecting #I should probably make that mer au it’s own thing #but oh dear god I’ll have to redesign so many sea demons #the goblin answers #long post #the goblin speaks #troll! doomguy au #stowaway mer au #I should do a character line up for these #I just realized that this is technically all just doom related ocs though the mer au is straying real far from doom

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devilbeez · 7 months

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how about wavewave tfa megaop swinlock and rattrap x dinobot? lisning I know the animating of beast wars isnt good it what everyone who first starts the series says but the story makes up for it just don't watch beast machine if you ever decide to watch beast wars the people who wrote that show never watch the oringal beast wars meaning that everyone is out of character

Imma try to answer this with those that I know which is WaveWave and MegaOp. I don’t remember much of SwinLock because I watched it so long ago but imma still try and I just don’t know Rattrap. If I’m desperate enough for more transformers content I might actually give in and look over the animation but that probably gonna be awhile

WaveWave (I looked this up if I got it wrong blame google)

I know you probably not meant them in this universe but I saw war of cybertron clip and the only thing I can think of is Soundwave and Shockwave making playlists together and play it during worst and best time in battle.

They’re like— that one post about hero x villain prompt about hero and villain fighting in battlefield cause it work and then cuddling together in bed at home and personal time. Like they HATE each other in work space because they’re colleagues rivals but when they’re off clock, they do be vibing with each other, man

They are very VERY down low about their relationship like no one knew and they like it that way.

I feel like them catching feeling is completely a accident. It’s very “ew I hate you but we have a mission together so I suppose we have to put that aside and work together……….well fuck—“ and it was a complete slow burn of a process because both of them refuse to say anything

Soundwave definitely confess first but only after he find out it was mutual and that there’s no possible way for failure just to get in a “ha, I confess before you, coward” but now it’s in an affectionate way

I feel like even before they caught feelings Shockwave is fascinated by Soundwave in someway, he just have a fixation on him like “you are so weird, something is definitely wrong with you and I want to study all of it”

MegaOp

Tfa is weird because it’s probably the only version of transformers that Megatron and Optimus didn’t have this— divorced couple energy going on, probably because how Optimus is in that and how they’re not besties before the war. So my view of them is like— that one couple that you have to ask “do they hate each other or are they doing it—“

When they fight I can only imagine Megatron looking down like “okay— stop— I feel like I’m being threaten by a puppy— not even a cybertronian one, the EARTH puppies” and Optimus just walk away, come back with a stool and smack him

The only other things I can imagine with them in tfa specifically is that everything out of their mouth have some sort of unintentional innuendo or unintentional flirting.

Swinlock

From google and memories, my perception of these two together is literally Jade and Azul from twisted wonderland. This is a “beneficial and contractual relationship not a romantic one” type thing— like they refuse to admit it verbally but their actions say it all

Swindle would definitely whine over Lockdown’s collection because they’re such goldmine but they’re off limit

Lockdown doesn’t admit it but he will bring souvenir for Swindle. Does he understand why a certain thing excite Swindle so much? No. Will he continue to do it anyway? Yes

I feel like they would be the couple that god let live another day and so they make it everyone else’s problem.

#sorry if this is short I barely remember anything from tfa #I wanna say I watched it when I was 13-15 but I genuinely don’t remember #concept of time is not real to me—#wavewave #megaop #swinlock #transformer #transformer animated #tf #tfa #ask #devilg04 #ships

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shai-manahan · 2 years

Text

Finalized Update Schedule: October 8, 6:00 am (GMT+8)

Hello! I hope you’ve all been doing well this week! Like I mentioned above, the update’s finally coming :) And there’ll be no further delays, I promise. I will be sending the edited last scene for the update to my testers later, or tomorrow morning if my headache still persists tonight, but I’m truly excited to show you this!

As of now, there are three main things I wanted to discuss:

FUTURE UPDATES

For the sake of my health, mentally speaking and to help my eye issues recover somewhat, I will be taking a one-week break from writing after every update. I’ll still be answering asks, but I’ll be limiting myself to that.

Reblogs for the updates are very much appreciated every time. That’s really the only way for me to reach more readers, and it’s also quite motivating when I see folks reblog my silly posts and my silly game.

I’m no longer going to write as many prompts as I did last year; I kinda learned my lesson with that (that was a very bad idea of mine). When I do share prompt lists, it will probably be every 2 or 3 months, and you’ll have to wait a week or two before I actually get to writing your requests.

My target right now is to upload an update every 2 months, although this will only be possible if I get to focus on writing.

Please expect there to be more edits to preceding updates once I upload the next ones. It’s just how I write. For all the years I’ve written screenplays, I’ve never finished one without making a lot of edits to the opening parts. This will likely happen here, too. What I plan, though, is to do these edits once I’ve given my updates to the testers and before publicly releasing them, so there will be no time wasted on it.

Any kind of feedback and/or suggestion will be appreciated every time I push out an update; they help in motivating me, which then equates to a faster pace of writing, as weird as that may sound.

The first book for Hollowed Minds is quite long, so I will be looking forward to your continued support!

If anyone here has a better sense of time management than I do, please help me out and give me some tips lmao.

PATREON

I’m planning to launch my patreon a week or so after the update; I’m also aiming to set up my ko-fi in a way that you could choose to get the same benefits there instead if you wish to.

I hope y’all wouldn’t see this as greediness or anything alike, but I’d definitely prefer to focus on writing Hollowed Minds as much as I can, without a lot of distractions. Gradually raising funds through these platforms would help in doing that, while ensuring that more frequent updates will come in the future and that everything with regards to my health would be properly taken care of. Setting this up will also help me manage my time more efficiently through stricter deadlines, and you’ll be free to cancel your subscription at any time.

I want to ask for your inputs with regards to the content you wish to see in here. So far, I’ve been planning for: sneak peeks, lore content and q & a, more plot-oriented snippets for the ROs, bonus short stories for the characters, access to polls, and a 2-week early access to the succeeding updates once applicable. I honestly don’t want anyone to just waste their money, so knowing what you want to see would be great.

A weekly progress will be kept free to view here on tumblr, though I will also start posting them on patreon and on ko-fi. (I might not post them at certain times if I feel like I didn’t have sufficient progress to report about.)

FEEDBACK

I don’t like having to keep asking for them, but really, receiving any sort of opinion about the game and especially about its characters will help a tremendous amount. While I do have testers, it’s not as if they can catch every issue in it, so knowing how you feel about the overall flow will be appreciated.

I will be searching for more testers for the next update, so keep your eyes peeled!

Do note that you can choose to send your feedback here, on the discord, or on the forums, wherever you prefer.

I feel like I’m forgetting something, but uh, I’ll just reblog an edited version of this if I do remember. See you soon!

#interactive fiction #hollowed minds series #hollowed minds book one #hollowed minds #interactive story #interactive novel #if game #if wip #dashingdon #choicescript #hosted games #choice of games #writing #progress update #hollowed minds progress update #cyoa

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ruinaimagines · 2 years

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YIPPEE WELCOME BACK AGAIN wishing u luck on those new requests!! hope u dont mind me sending what i think id sent back then, which was a request for a scenario on zena and an s/o who doesnt realize shes an arbiter :] thank u....

Funnily enough I actually was working on this a while back before I wiped my ask box. So now I have a use for the unfinished writing I had. Thank you for the welcome back.

Oblivious S/O and Zena Headcanons:

She is absolutely baffled on how you just seem to be completely ignorant of anything pointing to her status. It’s not like you’re arrogant, or aren’t observant.. It just won’t click??

When the two of you are together you will comment on how people seem to be staring at you weirdly, but it just doesn’t really cross your mind on why. In fact, you’ll even check how you look or what you’re wearing, completely disregarding the fact it might be because of her.

So it becomes a little bit of a challenge for her and turns into probably the funnest part of her week. See just how far she can push the limits until you finally come to the realization. This is the main motivator between her continuing to meet with you.

Zena doesn’t really try to hide the fact she’s an arbiter either. She’ll wear her uniform or similar outfits with that signature hexagonal pattern that seem to be a clear giveaway.. To everyone but you that is.

There was actually a time you wanted to take her to this restaurant that was really nice. Unfortunately, it was in a pretty nasty part of the backstreets, so you had to tread carefully. But surprisingly, it was a completely peaceful walk.

In fact the staff must’ve felt super nice on that day because they discounted the price of your food! That’s never happened before. You were happy though that it did when you had a friend along with you, hopefully that made a good impression!

They did seem a bit nervous though when serving, and it was more quiet than usual.. Maybe there was some suspicious activity going around? You weren’t too sure, but mainly you tried to focus on your conversation with Zena.

She finds you so fascinating even when you tell the most mundane stories. You could be talking about your laundry and she would be extremely immersed. She’s just never had someone be so.. Uninfluenced by her before, and she wants to learn more about you.

Unsurprisingly, Zena can be pretty confident and egotistical some of the time. She is aware of the power she is capable of and has no issue using it to get what she wants. Hardly ever has someone of sane mind opposed her.

But you don’t really have a problem with disagreeing when you think it’s fit to do so. Perhaps you’re a bit more compassionate than she is (the bar isn’t really set high) and you aren’t really fond of her ways with going about certain things. Murder and blackmail are some of her go-to’s which can be pretty problematic.

At first I can see her being a bit irritated, but after taking an actual moment, she’s more appreciative. Now it’s a 50/50 on whether or not she’ll really change what she’s doing based on what you say, but once you get past her pride it’s almost refreshing to have someone feel comfortable enough to say what’s on their mind.

And say what’s on your mind you do. Honestly, in the nicest way possible, she’s heard some of the stupidest things come out of your mouth. It greatly contrasts with her very in depth, thorough way of speaking.

It’s really funny to hear you bring up news and things that she had a direct hand in without even realizing. For example, a workshop had recently been shut down for blatantly violating strictly enforced laws. It wasn’t specified what exactly was inside, but it was enough to get it transported to the outskirts.

You’d discuss it with her, ‘Man the Head is wild, wonder what was bad enough inside that it made them that pissed.’ And she would only smile and nod. Because she was there, and she knows exactly why.

Very frequently she will have a gift for you when you meet, and it’s always of such high quality that you feel bad she spent so much on it. Though she assures you it was no big deal (cause it wasn’t).

Sometimes though she gets gifts of things you wanted that you didn’t recall telling her about. It’s a bit weird at times, but hey who’s gonna complain about free stuff? Most of her time her reasoning is that you forgot you told her about it.

One time you happened to be in the same time and place that she had some business in (Whether or not that was a coincidence is still to be determined). All you knew is that there was some form of havoc leading to people being afraid and fleeing.

You, however, did not know what was said cause of chaos, you only knew to get out of there. So of course you’re going to panic when you see Zena casually resting on a bench, wide out in the open, filing her nails. After all, you don’t want her to get caught up in whatever is happening.

Well, you just keep being bold don’t you? Honestly it’s to the point it’s self-endangering, but maybe that’s what makes you so amusing to her.

Unsurprisingly to the audience, she is very casual about the whole situation. You, on the other hand, are freaking out because hey.. There’s people screaming and running and dying and you don’t want her to get mauled by something.

She just keeps smiling at you with this funny look on her face. You’re grateful she’s calm and not panicking but she just seems a little too amused by this whole situation. Better than being horrified.. Right???

Eventually she lets you grab onto her arm and drag her along to wherever you deemed would be a safe spot for you two. One person even yelled at you to ‘Get out of there unless you had a death wish’. Kind of rude but probably had good intentions. You weren’t really sure what ‘there’ was, but the general message was that where you were standing wasn’t really safe.

So the two of you are huddling in cover within the ruins of a building as you repeatedly stare past some blinds on a window out into the street. Weirdly enough, nothing really seemed to be happening.

A person did happen to emerge, one that you were ready to tackle if it was needed. A strange figure with a large metal-plated looking claw and a similar mask with strange vats of liquids attached to them.

Zena claimed that it was a work partner of hers who happened to be in the same area, and told you to remain there and that she would return soon after talking to him.

When she did return, she smiled and commented on “Well, aren’t you rather thick-headed?” only for your utterly baffled response. You weren’t sure whether you should be offended or not. She only chuckled and the two of you departed from the location.

You’d have to figure it out someday, but until then Zena was willing to push the limits to see just what she could get away with.

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