#and it deals with the sadness that comes with being closeted with knowing youre gay and not really liking that about yourself
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hater alert! far too many people say that juri’s character arc ‘isn’t about her being sad about being gay, it’s about being sad about unrequited love that happens to be gay’ and. well. that is not true and by saying that you are completely flattening the brilliance of juri’s character arc which literally culminates in her being able to accept her own lesbianism despite her unrequited love, despite all her shame and self-loathing, despite this pursuit by Some Fucking Guy to try and ‘save’ her from these feelings. like if you think juri’s entire character is just ‘sad about shiori’ how do you appreciate even a modicum of the emotion packed into that final juri duel. it is both about shiori and, even broader, her lesbian identity and what that means to her intrinsically as a person, removed from romantic relationships and just purely as like. you know. Who She Is. the idea that even when juri’s locket is cut from her neck she is still a lesbian that’s still who she is and she cant change that and, crucially, she doesn’t want to even as she is agonised by these feelings. that’s why she forfeits the duel!!!! she’s clocking out she’s quitting she’s saying no!!!!!! this is me and ive got to be ok with that this is me and i can accept that this girl might not love me and i can keep living despite that. like. god im so normal arisugawa juri im so sorry that no one understands you and your intrinsically unapologetically lesbian storyline like i do
#ok got that out of my system now (rewatched ep 29 duel too many times)#revolutionary girl utena#rgu#idk i just see that argument so much and it makes me so sad#bc i get where ppl r coming from there r a lot of unnuanced ‘sad bc gay’ narratives out there#but juri’s whole arc is about actively challenging and deconstructing that idea#and it deals with the sadness that comes with being closeted with knowing youre gay and not really liking that about yourself#and eventually she does accept and embrace that aspect of herself but CRUCIALLY she doesnt do it via romantic validation#in fact she does it in the face of like. All Opposition Ever#no one says hey juri if you were gay that’d be totally fine actually haha#ruka tries to save her from her lesbianism!!!!!!!! like!!!!!!!#it is juri and juri alone who makes this resolution and that is just So Fucking Important to me#shes so. she is the queer character of all time to me i literally dont care no one else will ever come close#LIKE!!!!!!! THE CASTLE WEEPING ON HER WHEN SHE MAKES HER CHOICE!!!!!!!#accepting that part of yourself and having the symbol of matrimony and heteronormativity WEEP over you#no one ever validates juri’s choice to accept her queerness but she keeps making that choice#and her in episode 37…….. god i just might keel over and die girls when juri utena touga parallels……#anywayyyyyyy love and light i love juriposting#shut up daisy
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hi!! id love to hear more about sal knowing all along 👀
*slides dramatically into the camera frame* well, since you asked!
3 am thoughts with TK6!
So my idea is that Sal really knew about Tommy all along.
How? Couple of options. Maybe Sal’s gaydar is secretly amazing and he clocked it immediately. He might’ve looked at Tommy the moment he set step in the 118 and went “that man is gay af”.
All jokes aside (and really, that was only a half joke, his gaydar could actually be great) it could’ve been something like they went out for drinks and got smashed. Maybe Tommy referred to someone (like a celebrity crush or maybe a past hookup, I’m not of the opinion he had actual relationships before coming out) by the wrong pronouns. Maybe he outright said it. Something somewhere along those lines. And then the next day Tommy didn’t remember it but Sal did.
Or, and I find this even more likely, Sal actually had great observation skills. He watched how Tommy shied away from mentioning partners, how his girlfriends always “couldn’t make it”, how he would entertain flirtation from girls but never went home with them on nights out (or maybe didn’t flirt, but I feel like Tommy would’ve tried to blend in), and as his suspicion grew he watched Tommy and noticed that his eyes never strayed towards girls and how his eyes would drift towards men and snap away quickly-or maybe he fully avoided looking at the guys even Sal could admit were attractive.
So he decided to test it out. Next time there was a good chance to slip in a joke, he did. He teased Tommy about being gay. Tommy wasn’t prepared. He hadn’t been expecting it. So he froze, briefly. It wouldn’t have been something super obvious, or else it would’ve been too much. Tommy made it through the army; he’s been called gay before. But he was secure at the 118 and hadn’t prepared himself. And that’s when Sal knew, even more so when Tommy was tense for the next couple of shifts.
Tommy was probably waiting for him to make a big deal about it. But Sal didn’t. Why? Who knows. Maybe as long as Tommy was in the closet, Sal was fine ignoring it. Maybe they were friends enough that he wasn’t quite enough of an asshole as to out him. Or maybe it was more malicious. He wasn’t enough of an asshole as to out him, but he kept sliding in jokes, just to watch Tommy jolt. Even better when Gerrard started making jokes too.
Who knows? Maybe Gerrard figured it out or maybe he just caught on to one of the only things that actually rattled an otherwise steady firefighter? Whether he thought it was true or not.
Either way, Sal knew but for years, played his own game. Whether for his own entertainment or some twisted form of protection.
Depends on your interpretation of Sal, really.
And there we go! That’s my thoughts on Sal knowing. I’m always willing to answer questions about this headcanon and others.
Y’all aren’t even prepared for my super sad fic starring this theory. I haven’t even convinced myself to write it yet 🤣😭
Enjoy!
#911 abc#9-1-1#911 show#tommy kinard#lou ferrigno jr#911 season 2#sal deluca#911 speculation#tk6 muses#tk6 answers
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Just going a little more into the whole thing about understanding young dnp differently now that we have the whole story, something else I have been thinking about so much is queer rights movements and legislation in the uk. Im a good decade younger than them, when gay marriage was legalised I was 12. I was old enough to understand what it was, but i didnt really have any sort of understanding of how it affected me bc i hadnt even started to figure out who i was yet. To me it feels like so long ago, i feel like ive always had it, which is an immense privelage. But dan and phil were not only already in their mid twenties and in a 5 year strong relationship, they already had an active career on youtube. Watching ditl in london, that was the year gay marriage was legalised in the uk. That was who they already were as people and as creators. I cant imagine what it would have been like when the bill passed. They were still so closeted, but that was also such a big win for them and the whole community. I wonder if at the time it still seemed like such a far fetched thing anyway, bc i cant imagine they were even close to wanting to come out yet. Idk if they thought at that point they ever would. And then i think about the fact that they had been in a committed relationship for 5 years at that point. I cant imagine what it would be like to be with my self-proclaimed 'soulmate' and know that you can not legally recognize your relationship. To not know if you ever would. Which then makes sense as to why its not necessarily a priority for them now. Idk, its like you said. Its strange and a little sad to know now who they were then, but in the end it all worked out. They made it to the other side and i could not be happier for them.
oh wow yeah!! im about the same age as you I think, and yes it was much the same for me in the sense that I was aware of same-sex marriage legislation being passed but I had no real grasp on like, what that actually meant for people lol. this got me curious so I went back and tried to see if they ever even talked about same-sex marriage being legalized in the UK. from what I can see they didn't tweet about it at all, and im assuming they didn't make any other statements about it? then in 2015 when it was legalized in the US, they did both tweet, but quite impersonally (I mean I get why im not saying they should've been making grand statements or anything like that). like even setting their relationship aside for a moment, I can imagine it was incredibly difficult for them as two closeted gay men to navigate how to address things like this publicly—obviously when it came to the UK they didn't even address it at all. but im sure it was a huge deal for them to see it legalized just in the sense of what it represents. but even with this landmark that represented lgbtq+ ppl being more generally accepted, they were still closeted, so there was only so much they could say. like I would love to know their thoughts that they couldnt express in 2013/2014/2015 on what it meant to them! but also how it affected them that they couldnt share their thoughts
but then yeah I do wonder how it was for them in the context of their relationship. bc like before it wasn't even a possibility that they could get married. and then they did have the option, but actually not really because they were still closeted, so even if they wanted to they still technically couldnt without outing themselves. but obviously just knowing you now have the option when you couldnt before meant a lot to them im sure
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This morning I’m thinking about One Day at a Time (forever sad that it was cancelled)
And how in one of the episodes baby lesbian Elena sees her older lesbian aunt (who has a wife and everything), except Elena thinks her aunt is like ashamed and closeted and is trying to coax her out of the closet
And her older lesbian aunt is like “the family knows Im gay, they just like to forget and not talk about it” and then she goes on a whole rant about how when you first come to terms with being gay you’re like obsessed with making sure everyone knows and it becomes your entire personality, but how eventually you get more comfortable and realize it’s not a big deal and it doesn’t have to define your entire personhood.
I feel like I’m definitely in that baby lesbian headspace still where I love everything rainbow and I love talking about my lesbianism to anyone who will listen because it’s still a big deal to me!! And that’s ok!! But I do look forward to when my lesbianism is old news, to me and to the rest of the world
#one day at a time#odaat#comphet#fuck comphet#lesbian#lesbians#lesbianism is healing my soul#turns out i was a lesbian the whole time#i love you lesbians#lgbtq positivity
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Step By Step Ep 2 Stray Thoughts
Last week, we met my new favorite Gay in Pat, and the biggest man we've ever seen in BL in Jeng. Pat is a new employee in the digital department of a large company, and he seems to get a lot of the shit jobs. Jeng is their new manager, and may be the son of the company owner. Pat is going to have beef with his superior, Ying, who tends to thrust her work on him. Pat is so gay and definitely attracted and attractive to Jeng. I'm excited to see where this goes.
Love it. Jeng has taken control of the department because he wants to keep the department viable and keep everyone's jobs. They all hatin' on him and he's got their backs.
I am not someone who does good work with people hovering over me while also under time pressure.
Throwing someone under the bus in a meeting like this generally just makes everyone look bad. I totally get Pat sniping back at her, even if that's also a bad look.
Pat was legit about to swing on this dude for haranguing him.
Pat crying in a stall after being berated repeatedly is so real. Pent up stress from feeling disrespected will do that.
They're literally in a meeting about how they need to work together more, and are cheering because they think Pat will be reprimanded or fired.
They're using the audio really well to keep us informed of Pat's current mental state.
I like Jeng getting Pat out from under his seniors to work on a new project.
There goes that energy. They're still being catty at lunch.
It was a genuine relief to see Pat work successfully with Nan on his presentation. It's amazing how quickly people bounce back when you treat them with professional respect and courtesy.
Do these other folks have nothing better to do than worry about what Pat is up to?
I think Jeng's feedback on the PowerPoint is all valid, but because Pat doesn't really have a holistic vision of his role none of it is connecting for him. He just heard that he's still doing a bad job.
Also, I feel like Jeng should talk to Nan about rumors and not Pat.
UP POOMPAT!!!!! WELCOME BACK!
I don't know what Put and Pat had before, but that was awkward as hell.
"I always have to be dramatic." Me too, Ae. She seems suspicious about Put.
I like sending yourself flowers to tamp down on rumors.
Curious that Pat trusts Nan enough with the fact that he's gay, even though he (very understandably) doesn't want to come out at work.
I'm loving the way Pat's professional life keeps clashing with things in his private life. I suspect Put wanted to be closeted as his star rose, and it became a breaking point for him and Pat. Now he unexpectedly runs into him giving a presentation at a work event.
I'm wondering where Pat went when he left Thailand.
Pat should not have gone rogue in this meeting. You don't blindside your superior like that.
I wish they'd let Pat beat the shit out of this guy. He keeps fucking with Pat and needs to taste some fists.
Jeng has a good seme stance.
Jeng does not seem to deal well with all of these emotions. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to appreciate how worn out Pat is by this hostile working environment.
Hey, now, Pat, don't break your laptop because you're mad. How many times do I have to tell y'all to break your enemy's shit and not your own??
I like Poppy's character. They probably shouldn't be this trashed doing a performance interview, but this scene is surprisingly fun.
I'm excited for the fallout of this peer review.
This show is really fantastic so far. It's been nice having a workplace show that feels grounded in the workplace as the primary setting and as the source of most of the complications and obstacles. I also really like that Pat feels gay in a recognizable world context. I also got to see Up today, and he looked so sad with his yearning after Pat.
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it’s okay if you don’t like louis and harry anymore, but i think it’s so much better and healthier to leave and find something you actually love and care about than stay and be bitter about them and finding something wrong with everything they say and do. i remember staying in fandoms that i didn’t enjoy anymore and feeling miserable and unhappy all the time. i don’t want that for anyone else. i wish you well and i hope you can find something that makes you happy
Hi, anon!
Of course it's okay to not like Harry or Louis anymore! Feeling that way is valid and it's very understandable due to their latest shenanigans. I wouldn't blame anyone for not being happy with them anymore or not finding fandom enjoyable anymore. This is our hobby and fandom should be enjoyable.
However, it's also okay to still be a fan of them, but reject or dislike a decision they make, an action, a song, their friends and family. You don’t have to like or enjoy everything they do to be a fan. Also, it's important to differentiate between the images they're projecting to the world and who they really are. For both Harry and Louis the differences between them and their images are huge. Mostly because they are gay and closeted and are projecting a super straight exaggerated image. Due to that huge discrepancy they are going to come off as very hypocritical and they are going to gaslight their fans. They are going to say one thing and do another thing the next minute. It's important to call them out and criticise them for behaviour that's out of line, no matter if you think it's due to their image or not. It's also important to point out when they are lying or faking it, and reject it. Refuse to be gaslighted, search through the fog and find the real them.
It's also okay to be disappointed in them, feel hurt and not loved as a fan by them, and question your love for them. Big events like parmageddon is bound to shake the fandom. Harry refusing to say anything against I*rael is a hard pill to swallow. Some fans cope by taking time off from fandom and reevaluate. Others, like me, cope with talking and discussing ourselves through the events and slowly digest it and find acceptance that way. Neither Harry nor Louis are perfect.
For me all that's happened this last month isn't even in the top five of worst things that's happened in my time in the fandom. I'm still pissed at what's happened and i hate their fake images more than ever. I need some time to digest it all, as i've already said, but i'll be fine. I know that's not really who they are, but how they treat their fans are still not okay. We all love them despite their images. It's a sad situation more than anything. The good still outweigh the bad for me. I'm not miserable nor unhappy. Just disappointed. I know things will get better, they always do.
I'm going to keep laughing at "Straight Harry"'s stunts and his absolute non-interest in women and i'm going to keep rolling my eyes at "Laddy, indie Louis"' attept to pretend it's cool to not know the lyrics to your own songs. I can do all that while still understand that they are doing all this because they are gay, closeted and under cruel contracts. I also understand that they've developed some shit coping mechanisms to deal with the closeting and industry pressure. A shaved head is preferable to a nervous breakdown or rehab though. I know why parmageddon had to happen, but that doesn’t mean i or the rest of fandom has to tolerate it and pretend everything is fine. It's not. Some people also can't move on as quickly as others, because the cut runs deeper for them. We need to let everyone deal with this how they need to in their own time.
Tldr: I'm going to keep calling them out when they show bad behaviour, i'm going to expect better from them because i know they can be, and i'm going to call out the hypocricy between the image they're portraying and who they really are. If you can’t tell the difference then that's on you and not me.
#the fact that i have both anons defending harry while shitting on louis and anons defending louis while shitting on harry in my inbox rn#is telling me that i'm right where i want to be#equally loving and hating on them both#fandom#louis image#harry image#happy saturday!#antis says the darnedest things#long post
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hide, midnight, nightmare for sigge?:33
HIIII J squeezes you into slime, thank u for the ask!!!
hide: What does your OC hide? Why do they hide it?
oh man, rubs hands together... sigge, on a more lighthearted note, is sooo embarrassed about liking well-known, popular metal (megadeth, metallica, pantera, to name a few) and will go to extreme lengths to hide said interest for them. any mainstream merch he has is hidden deep in the recesses of his closet 💔 this is all because he spends 15 hours a day on metal circlejerk subreddits that inflame his belief that anything popular is Bad + his elitist tendencies... if he's wearing a megadeth shirt around you, it's a sign of incredibly deep trust, like he takes his elitism dead seriously. besides more surface-level stuff, his sexuality is also something he hides - not only from others, but himself as well. this is in part due to a pretty conservative upbringing, his parents being adamant that he find a nice girl and settle down, but also that he views his sexuality as emasculating - it's something he thinks he shouldn't be burdened with. i think in the first couple months we're together, he's very stiff and distant, because you know, "oh fuck. i'm with a man." ... eventually, though, he learns to come to terms with himself -- i don't think he'd ever be super like, vocal about his sexuality, even post-coming out. not in a repressed way any longer, but more like content & quiet acceptance. "yes, i am gay, yes i have a boyfriend, but that's not really anyone's business" is like his stance on it... 🤔🤔
midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?
i think he struggles to sleep in general, not necessarily to the point of insomnia but a lot of tossing and turning - a lot of time trying to fall asleep is spent ruminating on past encounters with people. i've said this before but he is ... incredibly arrogant and not very self-aware, so he stays up pondering why exactly people turn away from him :( sad little guy. along that same vein, he's afraid of loss - he can recognize that others aren't drawn to him (for whatever reason 🙄🙄) and thus, he's incredibly scared of losing the people he DOES have. makes him genuinely nauseous thinking about it and leads to a lot of sleepless nights. usually, his routine for combatting this fear is blowing up my phone with messages, ranging in levels of neediness, before eventually calling me enough times that i wake up and we chat for a bit, soothing his fear enough to sleep. (a more mundane fear of sigge's are spiders)
nightmare: What does your OC have nightmares about? How do they deal with their nightmares? Do they tell people, or keep it to themself?
a lot of sigge's fears focus on, as I mentioned before, loss -- getting betrayed, abandonment, and similar themes definitely play a part in his nightmares. Alongside that, I think death, too, is a common experience in his nightmares -- not necessarily his own, but more like, finding the bodies of his loved ones and being unable to do anything to reverse it. While none of it is based in truth, it leaves him pretty shaken, covered in cold sweat. He mayyy divulge the details of whatever nightmare to my s/i, but it's brief and more of a mumbled groan. Usually, I think he'd be more comfortable just vaguely complaining about having "shitty dreams" and nesting against my s/i to help him fall back asleep. If sleeping against me isn't an option, he kinda gets up, paces around, and tries to write song lyrics inspired by his dreams. (Think "Deathcrush" by Mayhem type lyrics.)
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Hi! Do you think that either of them still want/need support from us as they seemed to do in the band? They both seem to protect their private lives way more now. And I guess that’s part of maturing and changing how you see the world and how it sees you. I mean, other than Louis shouting “him” in his concerts, he’s much more subdued now. That pair of blue/green trackies at the start of his USA leg was not a choice I’d have made, given the way a lot of his fans see that combination- unless he was making a subtle (hahahaha, that wasn’t subtle) nod to us. And H maybe (but the pics were grainy- although I’d like to think it was) wore a blue bandanna on one of his many, many walks round London last year.
I truly hope that they are happy together however that looks to them. I know, as you said in another ask, their relationship is unique, and I get that. I’ve been with my partner for 20 years, but due to his job we weren’t on the same continent for over half of last year. And that wasn’t unusual for us. Anyway, I’m rambling, just wanted to know your thoughts on our place in the fandom. Thanks!
Hey lovely, thanks for reaching out! And welcome to the show.
Louis and Harry both do live very different lives with very different careers these days. We aren’t seeing them interact at all, and it can be frustrating to still believe in it but barely see any of it as a comparison of the 1d days. And yes, they certainly did need our support more back then, because they weren’t used to the closeting. They were young, didn’t understand why their love could be seen as so wrong, and we’re struggling under the pressure from their team, including constant tours and albums etc., ya know? So I think they relied on our support so heavily to get them through, particularly with RBB and the Big Gay War.
But coming out, no matter who you are, but particularly if you’re coming out to millions of people and you can face severe backlash, is super terrifying. Their careers will be affected, their privacy gone, and trying to navigate that while touring and stunting and dealing with contracts from even the 1d days still hanging over their heads, would just be so tricky. It’s a huge plan and timeline they will need to work through, as to not crash and burn and fuck over people who quite literally hold their careers in their hands. Unless they get sick of it and just break one day and don’t care who will sue them and what will happen, then it’s gonna be a long process.
But throughout this long process, they’re gonna need us. They’ve needed us from the very start, and still to this day they see what we say and our support online and I’m sure they love that we’re still fighting for them, even though they haven’t been on the same bloody continent for god knows how long. They still see us loving them for who they truly are, and not lapping up their public personas like the rest of the GP. It would certainly feel very validating.
When they come out, boy they’re gonna need us. Shit is gonna hit the fan. The fans are gonna fight like crazy and it’s gonna be absolute chaos, which is probably another thing they understand could be very bad for their careers right now. But we’ll be supporting them and we’ll be here til the very end.
A lot of larries have left since the hiatus, because they felt they didn’t need to bother supporting Larry anymore because there wasn’t any content between them to support. They entirely blanked each other (except for a few mentions in interviews) and so people gave up. Felt like they were wasting their time on “guys who didn’t want to come out” and all that. So it’s pretty heartbreaking, but it can be very hard to stick around and show support for something which you aren’t actually seeing. It’s really sad, and I hope those true larries will support them throughout their coming out.
And wow, that must’ve been tricky being so far away from your partner for so long, but being with someone for 20 years definitely shows your love, understanding, patience, and acceptance of each other, which is truly beautiful. And it does seem similarly to Harry and louis now that they’ve been together for over a decade. They’re doing their thing now, whatever that looks like to them, and it’s kind of become pretty normal, but they’re making it work. They see us, and we see them.
In short, I think they still definitely want us, but the way they need us has probably shifted slightly. Not more or less, but they now need our support for them in different ways now that they’re solos and we aren’t seeing their love every day anymore. They’re probably shocked we’re all still here tbh hahahaha. The patience larries have is undeniable.
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ramble about nicky and rod’s subplot /nf
-your number one pookie
(I HAD TO REWRITE THE ITEHR HALF OF THIS I AM MILDLY ANKOYED SO SORRY IF THIS SUCKS PAST A CERTAIN POINT)
ON IT BOSS !!!!!! this is gonna be very disorganized lmao
rod and nicky's sideplot works really well to sort of almost mirror princeton and kate's ? i think ive made like 20 posts about how similar they are so i won't go too in depth abt it but basically they follow a sort of similar structure.
fantasies come true is one of my favorite songs for like. so many reasons. i'm gonna try and keep this on topic 2 just rod and nicky BUT JUST KNOW kate is very important to this as well and i will end up talking about her lol.
aside from the fact this is the song where rod finally believes he isn't alone his struggles and believes that he's finally found someone to care for him just as he's cared for them, this song sets up for the end of act i so so much !!!!
this is the song that shows just how much kate and rod care about princeton/nicky, and how much they truly mean to them. princeton and nicky are the people they have been waiting for all this time, the people that would stay by their side and love them and care for them just as much as they do to them(princeton/nicky).
the ending of fantasies come true is also so so bittersweet. like rod gets awaken and all of his dreams are crushed !!! he goes back to believing he is alone, and not only that, he has to deal with the fact that him and nicky truly weren't meant to be, and they will never work out. the script makes this SO SAD. like look at this.
rods goodnight can be interpreted as him putting his fantasy (haha get it) of him and nicky being together to rest, and accepting that it will never be. despite this, he still longs for it, knowing it will never happen. ("he looks at nicky, wistfully")
this makes the end of act i so much sadder !!!! like kate thinks that princeton is just as dedicated to their relationship as she is then and then princeton ends up breaking up with her. rod also has it pretty rough.
already he's feeling lonely and envious (implied here but somewhat stated in act ii) of the bonds his peers have, and then his best friend, the person he though he could trust the most, goes ahead and betrays that trust by outing him in front of everyone. not to mention he's already mildly ashamed of the fact he's gay, and that christmas eve (indirectly) told him to stay in the closet + that he's good for nothing.
john tartaglia acting in the scene where rod kicks nicky out is so good btw ."!??! like when rod yells at nicky i jumped the first time i saw it, it gave me the exact feeling i'd have when someone starts yelling at *me*.
nicky doesn't quite understand the gravity of what he's done (ex. making a small joke out of rod implying he wants nicky to move out), so he's a little confused and very upset at these turn of events, but anyways act ii time.
act ii is pretty sad for the both of them. nicky getting kicked out of brian and christmas eve's place has some dialogue that implies a lot. when brian tells nicky to try staying with kate and/or princeton, he tells brian that he's already tried and they kicked him out too, most likely for similar reasons(being messy and not helping around the house too much). this implies that rod was the only one who cared enough about nicky to deal with all of his messiness and what not, despite the aggravation it caused him.
then nicky sings about schadenfraude with gary coleman but anyways let's just move along to rods one scene in act ii.
this is so so sad and made me almost tear up the last time i watched it so.
rod has the chance to take nicky back into his life, to mend their relationship, but he doesn't. despite him desperately missing nicky, he also doesn't want to swallow his pride and admit that he misses him after how much nicky had hurt him.
i'm gonna be honest i was a bit slow with this one but when rod goes to consult with christmas eve, it took me a second to realize that rod brought up nicky after his whole spcheel about wanting someone by his side that make him feel comfortable and safe not only because he loved nicky, but because nicky was the one who made him feel that way, and that's just so .? ? !.?!??
"why don't i have someone by my side? someone who makes me feel special and safe, someone who loves me the way i love them?" "i miss nicky."
nicky was that person for rod, the only thing was that he didn't, and couldn't, love rod the same way.
side note, this scene is also very sweet to me besides the sadder parts because it shows just how much rod trusts christmas eve. i mean he indirectly and very subtly comes out to her, something that rods been so so afraid of. also it's so so so funny to me that rods come to christmas eve with his problems so many times that she just started fuckin charging him money LMAO
the money song is nice because nicky and princeton sort of uplift each other in mending their relationships. i don't have much else to say about rod and nicky's plot in this since the song then focuses more on princeton/kate but yeah.
let's just skip to the end.
it's mildly fucked up but also sort of funny how everyone thinks that rod just fuckin killed himself at the end. especially christmas eve's "GOD DAMN IT" cause that implies she has had to talk rod off a ledge at least once which is like. damn.
anywho the end of rod and nicky's subplot is. well. look i do not mind ricky *THAT* much. i just think it makes the ending of their plot sort of weaker. it doesn't come to that satisfying conclusion.
i understand it's a comedy musical and it's supposed to be funny, which it is cause rods like all "ricky ??!? oh la la *heart eyes* let's go have gay sex" which makes me laugh every time BUT from the perspective of the story itself, it would have been a much more satisfying ending for rod and nicky to get together, or at least have some resolution to rods feelings aside from nicky vaguely implying he knew the whole time(or just missing the point ? i've seen some people say they though that the joke was that nicky didn't realize how similar they looked and just thought ricky was a nice guy but i'm more inclined to believe the former)
idk the ending just feels a little lackluster compared to how much rod went through in the musical, and how much it was shown that he loved and cared for nicky very deeply. plus nicky didn't have that much development as a character aside from that one line that's like "hey rod i won't be messy anymore thanks 4 all u do 4 me do u forgive me" despite having much more screen time than rod, and the ending just doesn't complete that very well. if nicky was also written as queer + closeted i guess it would've been a coming out story 2x but i think they could've written their way around that as well.
i've seen some peoples mention a ver their local theatre or something did in which nicky agrees to try having a relationship with rod, and seeing how well it works out, which i think provides that conclusion to rods feelings and also mirrors kate's "can we take it one day at a time?" very well, so it's too bad that is not the broadway version of the show lol
nicky being written just gay and closeted and just also hiding his feelings for rod would also make for a funny perspective on the story because it would seem like nicky is just hardcore projecting his insecurities onto rod. that's just my two cents though cause what's canon is canon and this musical is already 20 years old and i don't think they're gonna change anything about it lmao
anyways this is why we have the luurvefest "grow old with you" cover
this was much longer i think but then tumblr threw half of it in the trash so uhhh i might be missing half of what i said before cause i had to rewrite a shit ton of it lmao
#fish.answers#personal avenue q tag#i'm not maintaining this this is far too long and incoherent i think#EDIT I FIXED IT READMORE WORKS NOW
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Helloooo, I made an ask a long time ago last year. Now I'm back to talk a little bit about the random stuff and ask some other questions. First I follow a lot of singers that give me the vibe they're in the closet and what most of what they have in common is that in a song they'll use the word bend, as far as I understand for a post once, that's something related to queer people (idk in which scenario) but I wanted to ask you if you know something about it, like if the word bend means something? Also a lot of A singers being together and the fact that people never going to know it's really crazy to me. Like I get it, but it's blows my mind how know one can see what the songs are saying, literally most of the time you can figure it out when they are dating because they sing to each other's. Obviously is not the same way, I believe a lot of singers just prefer to maintain privacy even though you see them all happily with a girlfriend and the the songs those singers do are all about missing someone and wishing to be with that other significant other, when they are supposed to be with hahaha. Anyways enough of that 'cause at the end of the day I can't say names. I respect them and the decisions they made for staying in the closet. Something a lot of the time couldn't understand back in the day. Now I get it and I enjoy listening to the love stories with the music, like I literally don't care about the media and the girlfriends hahahah, the songs are enough while it's not sad, because I know some of the time a lot of the singers that are dating in secret are separated for too long, idk id it's something to do with the people in charge or what but it's tend to be awful. My second question is about the child's of the fake couples, I wanted to know if you ever find out info about it? I just can't understand how that's work, like the mom and the dad aren't really together so....is the child really them or what? Hope this makes sense, I always want to talk about this in the industry but it's hard when I can't give names. In fact there's a name that I can't even type on the internet, like it's not possible for me to give info about and it's literally getting harder sometimes. Another thing: fuck Nick Jonas (that's a name I can give, 'cause I still can't forgive him for what he hasn't done) hope you can answer my questions and have a great time. Something about Camila I can give is that you guys are never going to see anything if she doesn't want to come out. Like you can force someone to do that, we don't know what is like to be in the industry, there's an actor that came out and he never get to make more movies. Like is crazy the shit that happens when you come out in the industry and Hollywood, a lot of doors get closed. It's really horrible. I would say that you can still support your fav and understand that what they're going through is not easy. I support my gays just listening to their music and liking posts, but when it's come to the media, I really don't care what the news or the photos says hahahaha. Maybe one day one of all this people will be strong enough to come out, until then, we deal with the PR
Hey buddy, can I ask you for a favor? Could you please send the message you wrote again, but with more points separate? I can not read what you have written, I get completely lost about what you want to say. Thank you.
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Song Analysis
For some reason, the ask vanished from my inbox 😀🔫
This is for the lovely @local-redhead-bookworm 🥰🥰 (thank you for your ask, and for putting these songs on my radar 😁)
Basically these are the lyrics that stuck out to me, and they're probably out of order lol
******
The Family Jewels by Marina & the Diamonds
I can't break the cycle- Billy is caught up in the sick cycle of abuse. We don't know why Neil is the way he is, but chances are he was abused, too. This doesn't justify any of his actions, but it tells us whether or not he started the cycle... or he simply just continued it. Billy fears becoming his father, and if he has kids, he's even more afraid of keeping this cycle alive. Max could also continue it when she gets older. In canon, Neil left, and I guarantee you he's found new victims.
Am I just a fool?- Billy views defending himself or attempting to shield himself from his father's fists as a foolish attempt. He also views any wishful thinking as foolishness, such as: wanting to be loved for who he is, his mother alive, a savior, a shield, an ear, a chance to be heard, and as I mentioned above, every abuse victim's worst nightmare: turning into your abuser. I don't think Billy has given up, though, despite his rightful cynicism. I think it's more... the world as a whole has given up on him. Unfortunately, this is a very common occurrence in these cases.
Falling down like dominos- Billy is unable to fight Neil. It takes a lot to even talk back to him. The Great Billy Hargrove who goes down swinging, always itching to let out his frustration and the one fight that really matters to him... for all the working out, when the chips are down, he cannot take on his abuser. Speaking from personal experience, abusers not only hate being challenged, but they view everything as a challenge. Talking back is a huge risk in itself. Raising your voice? Yeah, that's a huge no-no. Billy hates that when it really counts, he's unable to strike back. He hates being vulnerable for that reason, because when he loses the little bit of control he has left, he is powerless, in nearly every aspect of his life. Most of the time, he's left in the dark, but the thing is... his entire existence is just a sad, lonely boy in a closet with no light on. And when I say closet, I'm not referring to his sexuality (although I believe he's either gay or bisexual), I'm referring to his isolation and miserable life. Plus in Hawkins, he doesn't know what's going on... and like I said, he has little to no control, especially when it comes to what happens to him.
Hit by family jewels/Pass it down from kid to kid, the chain will never end- Think about it... the Hargrove legacy is ugly. It's filled with hatred, bigotry, pain, fear, and incessant use of violence as a means to "teach" (and by teaching I mean abuse as a form of control). No one knows what's going on in that house, and even those who live there either deal out this abuse, get the full extent of it or pretend they don't know what's going on. And it's been left to Billy. It's a bitter pill to swallow. Sometimes families leave behind ornaments as heirlooms. Other times they leave behind a plethora of pain and suffering. One is easier to chuck in the trash. The other... chances are the cycle may never end. But I think Billy isn't a lost cause. I don't think anyone really is. Not if they have a reason or even a dream to fight for.
'Less I decide to go to it, will I see the end?- Abuse in all forms is extremely tiring, especially when it's ongoing, you have no escape in sight, and it's being dished out by someone who was supposed to protect you from monsters, but becomes one and tries to drag you down to hell with them. Is it worth the fight? And if you survive, are you ready to start on the path to recovery and healing? Another question that plagues me personally: I was raised in a very angry house, and I was by nature an angry kid. Still am. I don't know how to live without hating something or someone. It was the only fire that kept me alive, kept me going. Now, there's less in my life to be angry about. So along with the discovery of who I am without the rage, I worry that if that fire goes out, I won't have anything left. But I have other things that keep me going, now. So I wouldn't have it any other way. Plus it's hard to acknowledge that what happened to you wasn't normal. What do you mean, it shouldn't have happened? So this isn't how people should be treated? My point is, that every victim deserves to have the chance to ask these questions. And fuck canon, Billy Hargrove deserves that chance. I have faith that he'd take it. He's a fighter.
Ooh, don't you find it strange/Only thing we share is one last name: This may be an unpopular opinion, but I don't think Billy is anything like Neil. Neil wouldn't have fought off the Mind Flayer. Neil would've relished in even more power, and hurt others as he does so. Neil would not have a smidge of remorse. Neil wouldn't have protected El. It's not his nature. He is the abuser, and he is incapable of protecting. Billy isn't there yet. He protected Max in the only ways he knew how. By nature, Billy Hargrove is a protector. This is interesting, seeing as no one protected him since his mother, his original protector, abandoned him. Yes, Neil and Billy are both angry. But Neil is the reason Billy is angry. Neil doesn't have any reasons, and if he does, none of them are good. What you do with your anger, how you wield a very human emotion, is what tells me everything I need to know about you. It's all in behavior, and reactions to events and emotions. Billy is not Neil Hargrove, and he's not anywhere close to that. Why don't we focus on trying to prevent the Billys of this world from becoming Neil Hargrove?
Did I beat you at your own game?- Billy has been taken advantage of numerous times, even before getting possessed. But he's the only one of the Flayed to fight back. He was able to resist the Mind Flayer twice. And just seconds after being freed from possession, he protected Eleven. Like I said, at his core, Billy is a protector. Not even Neil or the Flayer could take that away from him. Not even the narrative that continues to drag him through the mud. When facing down the Mind Flayer, Billy finally was able to fight a monster. Ignoring canon, he now knows he has the tools to face down the biggest monster of them all; his father.
Typical of me to put us all to shame: Billy without a doubt is considered a failure in Neil's eyes. He can absolutely do wrong. Nothing he does is ever good enough. He is the shame of the Hargrove family, and I believe it's primary so Neil can use him as not just a punching bag, but as a shield to cover Neil's heinous behavior. It's a way for Neil to avoid responsibility for himself and consequences, and for Billy to be demonized to the point where if he chose to speak out no one would believe him. He will paint his son as the devil himself to protect the illusion that he can do no wrong, that he is a good father and a family man.
Coal to diamonds, sold to fools: Billy lives under intense pressure and unreachable expectations, and he knows he will never be enough. He's an expert at lying, and he can charm everyone except his father, who is a liar as well. But Neil isn't doing it for survival. Billy uses his charm and physical exterior to protect himself. In other words, it's a defense mechanism that is crucial to surviving the Hargrove House. And unfortunately for Billy, people buy into his web of desperate lies... as well as Neil's. It's not illogical to believe that Neil has fed his own brand of bullshit to save face and keep up the act. Which explains why no one ever questions what goes on behind closed doors. Of course, it could also be that in California there were people who were getting suspicious. And then there's the whole "it's not my business", even though someone is always in someone else's business. No one takes the time to poke around when it's necessary.
Welcome to the house of family jewels: something Billy might say to Max when she starts to see what's going on. It also sounds like something Billy might say to Steve, as a warning that Billy is a lot to handle, and he might end up like his father, and his relationship with Steve, like every relationship in his life, will probably end in a whirl of hurt. No one will walk away unscathed.
Simmerin' sapphire can't keep his cool: It's no secret that Billy has a shining presence that draws people in. But it's also not a secret that he has a hair trigger temper. He's surrounded by anger, most of which is being taken out on him directly. His charm is a mask, ensuring no one knows the real Billy Hargrove. And no one has ever stuck around long enough to get to know who he really is. But sometimes masks slip. Plus Neil seems to believe applying an ungodly amount of pressure on his son will turn him into the son he wants. Deep down inside , Billy will always live with the fact that he can never be that person. He feels that he will never be loved for who he is, that he is unworthy of love the way he is. Unless someone molds him into someone they can love, he will remain alone.
Is it my fault that we stay divided?: Billy gets blamed for every little thing, and at some point he starts buying into that narrative. By divided, the way things are with Neil, there is no way Billy, Susan, and Max can be happy- and certainly not together. No one is happy in that house.
Cause I got too much pride: Billy feels ashamed that his father, a small rat of a man, has so much power over him. He's prideful, and when he has the chance to keep his dignity, he strokes it. He may believe he can handle the abuse on his own. He has been, and hey, he's made it this far. Neil has probably told him no one would believe him, and Billy thinks he deserves what hes getting. No one tells him differently. This may prevent him from opening up and asking for help. Especially because of the toxic masculinity of the 80s (that still goes on to this day), and the double standards. Men can absolutely be victims.
I can't keep my cool, I can't keep my cool: Keeping up appearances, making sure you don't mix up or forget lies, is exhausting. Pretending you're fine, when you're anything but... it's a hell of a chore.
Oh, you think I'm unfit/ Little did you know that I was cut for it/No glass slipper will ever fit, cause I could never see a diamond in it: All Billy hears from his father are insults meant to cut him down to size. Made to make him feel like shit. He has to conform to survive. Billy knows he will never conform completely, there are some edges to him that cannot be pressured down. He is treated like coal. He's an inconvenience to everyone around him. Always in the way, until someone wants to use him for their own personal pleasures. Also, as long as he's around, Max will never know first hand what Neil is really like. Billy feels like he's made to be hated, to be beat, to exist as nothing but an instrument for others. Plus he's been going through this for years. He's past the initiation stage. He's been sanded down and molded multiple times, remade by both his father and himself. He's cut out for this life. He was born into it, he's used to it, he tells himself. But Max isn't. He doesn't want her to ever be cut out for what he's going through. And as hard as Neil pushes, Billy is not a smooth stone, but a jagged edge. He doesn't know he doesn't need to change to be loved. If someone really loves him, they'll take him for every thorn, not just the rose. Plus the last line... makes me think of Billy's habit of looking at his reflection frequently. He has to make sure his mask is on, that the smiles don't look fake. Maybe he believes that he'll buy into that, in time, just like everyone else has.
#billy hargrove meta#billy hargrove analysis#billy hargrove was brave#billy hargrove and music#song analysis#billy hargrove
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Hi!!! Happy travels! (is that thing in French or English?) soooo, I see you're going to read Evelyn Hugo, and this is my official request that when you finish it you come back here and give your opinions on it! I have A LOT of feelings/opinions about it, but I'd like to hear from you! Have a nice day!
hey anon! thank you! i don't think "happy travels" is a saying per se, but the french is "good travels", so i get what you mean <3.
okay so i'd actually started evelyn hugo this summer, and finished the rest on the plane yesterday, so i'm happy to report back! spoilers below the cut.
i gave it a 4/5 in my own little book rating system, and overall, i really, really liked it.
what i loved:
i loved how queer it was (which i wasn't expecting), but also how realistic it was in terms of queer stigma - not only with its time, but also with the film industry in general. i loved the conversation where one of them is like "elton john's been out for years" and the other one is like "yeah, elton john isn't living off his straight sex appeal though." it's kind of true. say a male-gaze beauty icon like megan fox was to come out as gay, i'm not sure she'd be as marketable, etc. so, in sum, i loved that aspect of the book. i loved the struggle everyone experiences with the sexuality, and how hard being in the closet also is, lying to everyone all the time. i thought this was great.
i also loved the way the book deals with the passage of time, and the phenomenon of getting old, especially in the public eye. i love how it blurs over whole sections of evelyn's life, in a "life just happened" sort of way, because that's also the truth, isn't it? years just pass sometimes.
i also very much loved (i think this might actually be my favourite thing about the book) how much value it puts on friendship, and chosen families, rather than biological families. i thought this was very unusual and refreshing, in adult literature. children's literature often puts a lot of value on friendship, then it all becomes about romance, and what the fuck do these people do with their friends, you know? and i felt like the relationship between harry and evelyn in this book was every bit as important as her relationship with celia, and treated with the same level of care and respect, which i very much appreciated. the fact that the happiest time in evelyn's life seems to be when they were all living in manhattan together felt so very precious. i frankly started bawling (in public, on the plane lmao) when harry died, and didn't stop until connor died. that's also perhaps something i wasn't expecting about this book. it is sad.
what i loved... less:
the reason why this book is a 4 ⭐️ and not a 5 ⭐️ is two-fold.
first, whilst it was well-written (and, if i ever manage to write an original work of fiction to this level, i will be very happy), the style didn't make me go "wow". the prose was great, it was lively and definitely enjoyable, but it didn't have the jaw-dropping factor i sometimes find in novels like incendiary or normal people. those are my five-stars, and this just wasn't to that level.
second, and most importantly, i just didn't like the end. i felt like the final reveal fell... flat? at least, for me. if the story of monique's father was going to be the front and centre of her relationship with evelyn, i would have wanted more... context? on her life, on her parents? i feel like if that was going to be The Story, then why spent all that time on her failing marriage? when the reveal happened, i was like "wait, who is james grant?" 😆. i just wasn't as shocked as i feel i should have been. i feel like this part of the story was unnecessary, didn't really answer anything, and if the gayness of her own father was going to be the question, then this reveal should have occurred maybe mid-book, and given monique more time to react to it/sort it out? idk. i just felt like the evelyn story was so beautiful and intense, it could have stood on its own, without that final reveal.
additionally, i'm a bit annoyed that nothing was said about the way that monique seemed to think moving the body in the car was Perfectly Okay until she found out the dead guy was her father, at which point she freaked? i would have loved for her to have a conversation with evelyn (or at leats it be addressed somehow) about how morally reprehensible actions against people you don't know, often feel a lot more justifiable than morally reprehensible actions against people you do know. this was totally not addressed, and it frankly pissed me off.
so yeah, overall, i really liked the book, but it had its flaws. but i'm curious, what are your thoughts? ❤️
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FOR THE VIV ANON IM SO SORRY I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED YOUR ASK😬
Here’s my answers:
•First Impression:
•I felt really bad for him during his fight :( he was just an average guy who got dragged into Pucci’s conflict without his consent. I was just really glad Araki never outright confirmed his death (even if his body did mysteriously disappear from the stairs during the Dragon's Dream fight).
•Impression Now:
• Baby boy. Baby. I love him so much. I love how weird and extreme all the other Stone Ocean characters are, and then Viv is just. aggressively plain-looking. He’s still super duper duper hot tho, like holy shit, but just LOOK AT THIS FUCKING LINEUP
POV you asked your straight brother to pick you up at the gay bar
Araki doesn't always make good writing choices, but having one of his villains just be Some Guy who has a regular 9-5 job and isn't a part of this conflict at all was great. Sad for Viviano that he got dragged into all this, but conceptually a very fun arc.
•Favourite Moment:
•I just find it so funny that one of the ONLY things we know about Viv is that he's into some degree of CBT. I love the vague implications of this, like what other situation Mr. Westwood? Is he referring to a normal, out-of-work CBT session....or does he just legit get off to prisoners attempting to crush his genitals to escape being detained??
•Idea for a Story:
•Post-Survivor, "holy shit I have a magical ghost now and other people do as well". Not only is he recovering from being supernaturally forced to kill his coworker and friend :( he also has to deal with now having a stand, which must be absolutely terrifying for any adult who's gone their whole life without knowledge of this phenomenon. Especially considering his first experience with other stand users was so awful. Like, once he realizes he wasn't just hallucinating the whole thing, where do you start? He doesn't even know they're called "stands", how do you find information on them? IDK maybe I just like the worldbuilding aspect of this, but I wanna see stand user culture, how do new adult stand users (which aren't unheard of, like Tonio and Aya) find out about how stand stuff works?
• Unpopular Opinion:
•Hmmmmm once again with the minor villains not a lot of people really have serious opinions on him. Just APPRECIATE HIM MORE HOLY SHIT. HE'S HOT. HE'S GOT A STRONGMAN BOD. REAL MEAT ON THOSE BONES. HE'S NOT DEHYDRATED-LOOKING LIKE SO MANY OTHER "MUSCULAR" JOJO CHARACTERS LIKE HE ACTUALLY HAS A HEALTHY AMOUNT OF FAT. HE'D BE SO GOOD TO CUDDLE WITH. HE CANONICALLY LIKES COCK AND BALL TORTURE. I MEAN COME ON WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT WHY DON'T MORE PEOPLE LIKE HIM???
•Favourite Relationship:
•The brief period where he was just hanging out with Sonny Likir was nice. I wish Stone Ocean showed us more antagonists interacting! That’s like, one of the best parts of jojo, when you have a villain duo or squad like Cioccolatta and Secco, La Squadra, Oingo and Boingo, or Sale and Zucchero, seeing how these characters act with the people they love/respect/tolerate before we see them trying to kill the protagonists adds so much depth and sympathy and investment. Seeing Sonny and Viviano just have some regular coworker banter before the fight was really fun and makes me wish we could see more of that in Stone Ocean.
•Favourite Headcanon:
•He's bisexual and literally the most closeted man to ever exist. He's the type to laugh at the homophobic comments his friends and coworkers make, and even make some of those comments himself, it's a learned defensive habit. I'm not trying to make him super angsty or anything, he just gives me mega bi energy. I don’t think he grew up in a particularly abusive or neglectful household, just the kind of environment where people in his family/community would make gay jokes because they honestly didn’t think anyone around them was gay. And I can’t see a prison in the early 2010’s as being the most accepting place either, so he’s just learned to keep certain things to himself, and hope those feelings he has about men sometimes just go away on their own.
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Meet Australia's gay country music star: Michael Waugh
New Post has been published on https://qnews.com.au/meet-australias-gay-country-music-star-michael-waugh/
Meet Australia's gay country music star: Michael Waugh
We chat with Australia’s gay country music singer Michael Waugh about his music, coming out and finding love.
There are a few stereotypes that surround country music. Redneck songs about trucks, whiskey and crying into your beer.
However, there’s a lot more to it under the surface which is not unlike Australian country music artist Michael Waugh.
He doesn’t really fit the country music cliche, but it’s a world he seemed destined to be a part of.
Growing up in country Victoria
Michael grew up in Maffra, rural Victoria during the 1970s as the son of a dairy farmer.
When I ask him what drew him to country music, it appears that he didn’t have much choice in the matter.
“It was the case of learning to love country music or jump out of a moving vehicle because everywhere that we went, my parents would play Dolly Parton, Kenny Rogers and Jim Reeves,” he says.
However, it was more than just circumstance that saw him fall in love with the genre. The storytelling of country artists had a strong influence during his childhood.
“I think as a queer kid growing up in country Victoria, there was something about storytelling [that I was drawn to] especially like Coat of Many Colors where it was like, she [Dolly Parton] was telling my story,” he says.
Teaching
But before music was the centrepiece of his life, teaching was where he first found his calling.
Michael is a drama teacher at a Melbourne high school and is something he continues to do alongside his music career.
“I get to journey with families and kids through tough times sometimes and I love that because the thing that literally saved my life when I was a kid was a caring teacher in the performing arts,” he says.
Read more: Gay country singer says school teacher blamed him for getting bullied
When Michael released his first few albums some of the tough experiences he had growing up came out in his music.
“The stories are kind of mined from my childhood. So there’s a lot that I’ve written about growing up in country Victoria, which is in part about finding peace with those spaces because they weren’t always safe for me,” he says.
“Often there’s an air of nostalgia about them and love for those spaces, but it’s a warts and all approach.”
Queer stories in his music
That truth of his experience, particularly as a young queer kid growing up, featured in much of his early music.
In the song Paul, he sings about a bullied kid that resembled his own experiences, while in the track Mary Lou he recalls being shamed by family friends as a young child for dancing to ABBA and Humphrey B. Bear.
The songs were at a time when Michael was still closeted and dealing with his demons.
The 2018 track Asphalt & the Oval, has a special significance for Michael.
In the song, he recounts the experience of a school-yard nemesis but also the peace he found later in life.
He sings in the song that “Joe Gray used to say that I was queer” and “I wanted you to know that I forgive you.”
“The first time I wrote that, I blushed because I was just hit by that same emotional impact that had on me when I was a kid,” he explained.
youtube
Recently the family of “Joe Gray” attended and met with Michael at one of his shows.
“They told me about what a good person that he grew into, and how he’d voted ‘Yes’ in the marriage equality referendum, and how he was a dad and all of the things that he’d grown up to be. It was this lovely kind of sense of full circle with that song about that I was able to stand in my power and say this stuff,” he says.
Journey to coming out
For Michael’s new music, he is embracing a more positive approach rather than “sad ass songs” he said he started his career with.
“There’s a song that will be released at some point soon and the chorus is ‘you can’t fix me, I’m not broken’ and there’s kind of like an affirmation of self-belief that I don’t know that I’ve ever allowed myself to express before.”
The change in his music has mirrored the change in his own life.
Michael tragically lost both his parents in 2020 and his brother a year later.
These losses brought the realisation that he needed to live his own truth and embrace who he was publicly.
“There was a lot of a fear that if I gave voice to who I was in a public way, that it would be that I’d be hated or hurt,” he says.
Finding love
But a big change for Michael was finding love with his partner TJ and when speaking about how they first met, his face lights up.
“It was one of those moments of deep chemistry and deep kind of connection intellectually and emotionally. Just kind of a fireworks moment when we first met,” he says smiling.
“I found that special person who I love, and it was like, well, I don’t want to hide him away.”
Michael came out during country music’s night of nights – the Golden Guitar Awards in 2022 – where he was nominated for Heritage Song of the Year and Alt Country Album of the Year
The plan was to walk the red carpet in Tamworth, hand-in-hand with TJ in front of the world.
Unfortunately, like many things, COVID scuppered their plans and they had to show their visibility virtually from a house in Bundaberg when Michael took out one of the awards.
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A post shared by Michael Waugh (@michaelwaugh71)
The couple is still going strong and recently bought a new house together and got engaged.
Michael’s recent single Playlist is dedicated to the early stages of their relationship.
Empowerment
Michael sent a strong message to the country music industry and the LGBTQIA+ community this year with his single We Are Here.
The song was an anthem to celebrate LGBTQIA+ figures and events through history including Allen Ginsberg, Alan Turing and Harvey Milk to name just a few.
The song was a milestone of Michael’s own journey.
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A post shared by Michael Waugh (@michaelwaugh71)
Read next: Country star Michael Waugh releases emotional gay anthem
“I think that part of the process of coming out for me was finding self-love and a lot of which came from finding love with somebody else. So it’s also maybe a conscious choice to try to manifest something positive in the world and also wanting to step into a space where I can be a leader in the community,” he says proudly.
Michael produced the song with long-time collaborator Shane Nicholson. Shane is a legend of the Australian country music industry and to have a notable straight man involved in such an overtly queer song was a strong message in itself.
Michael’s mantra he repeats throughout our chat is “you can’t be what you can’t see.”
For many young and old LGBTQIA+ people, they will now be seeing someone they thought they could never be.
As the only major openly out male country artist in Australia, Michael has become the community leader he has set out to be.
From the Archives: Out country star Beccy Cole
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(pt1 here)
billy grew up afraid of finding his soulmate.
when he was eight his father caught him trying to wash nail polish off with soap and a hand towel.
he’d heard girls at school saying it was what you did when your soulmate was a boy. you were supposed to paint yourself up all pretty and find the person who matched. and it was easy enough to sneak into the vanity and steal a bottle of his mother’s nail polish. but once the paint dried he realized it would be impossible to hide from his father, and he panicked.
his mother showed him the bottle of nail polish remover after neil left. dabbed some on a cotton ball to rub at the thick layer of paint. she was silent, kneeling on the floor in front of him cradling his sprained wrist while he sat on the edge of the tub and cried.
they both had questions, but neither of them got answers.
it took billy months to work up the courage to try again.
he wasn’t sure why he was bothering, at first. he knew he couldn’t look for his soulmate the traditional way. and he was constantly terrified that his father would find the supplies he’d started hoarding. it seemed like more risk than reward, and yet. he couldn’t stop himself.
every time he was allowed to wander off in a store alone he’d slip something into his pocket. a tube of lip gloss. a compact full of shiny powders. he wasn’t even sure what some of it was, he just liked the colours. liked the pictures they hung alongside the displays. he wanted to look like that. beautiful.
and in his heart of hearts, he wanted the boy who was out there waiting for him to know he existed. whether they’d be able to find each other or not.
he’s more careful with this than he was with the nail polish. his father works saturday nights, and his mother always visits their neighbour while he’s at work. despite having the house to himself he locks his bedroom door.
the first thing he tries is the watermelon lip gloss. it’s sticky, and the wand doesn’t fit in his hand comfortably, but once he’s smeared it on he feels...good. he likes the way it catches the light. likes the way it smells. he looks at himself in the mirror and likes seeing something different.
the high doesn’t last long, it inevitably gives way to paranoia, anxiety that has him glancing at the locked door every thirty seconds, heart pounding, wondering if just maybe his father will get home from work early, and he jumps at every sound, hearing boots thudding on the porch and car doors slamming and anything that could be neil coming through the door.
cleaning himself up is hard. panic makes his hands shake, his eyes well up. he drops everything on the floor when he tries to tuck the bag away. and he has to spend twenty minutes with his back to his bedroom door getting his breathing under control when he’s finished.
but he does it again the following saturday. and the one after that.
for five months he does this. locks himself away with his stolen treasures and lets himself live a little. it gets easier as time goes on. and his mind wanders sometimes. to a future where he gets to share this with someone. the boy out there who’s supposed to love him one day.
it’s a small bubble of a dream. one he doesn’t spend too much time dwelling on. not when there’s neil’s voice in his head, telling him that no one could love a fucking freak, ‘cause fags don’t get real soulmates anyways.
he wants and he wishes, but the more he thinks about it the more he doubts. he’s never gotten a mark from his soulmate, and even if he did some day, what if his father’s right, and his “soulmate” doesn’t want him or makes him miserable or...worse.
so he does his makeup for himself.
until, like all good things in his life, his father ruins it.
he never found out what set neil off initially, something going wrong at work maybe, or the martial strife of the week getting to him. whatever it was that started it, neil eventually decided billy should bear the brunt of the fallout.
so he went through his things. said billy’d been acting cagey lately, and he was going to find out why.
and then found the makeup bag stuffed into an old sweater in his closet.
it was ugly. the things neil said that day would play on repeat in billy’s head for years afterwards. the scars his belt left on billy’s back were nothing in comparison.
the next saturday came and went. billy spent the evening curled up under a blanket not bothering to wipe away the tears dripping down his face.
by morning he’s resolved to forget the whole thing. to put it behind him. because it was stupid, and risky and childish and maybe his father was right. he’s almost convinced himself. and then he notices ink on his arm, as he reaches up to rub his eyes. messy scrawl, i bet you looked pretty crookedly written up his forearm.
he didn’t think he was able to cry any more, but he manages it.
for the first time his soulmate isn’t just a concept, or a what-if, he’s...a person. he’s a real person out there somewhere. someone who doesn’t even know billy and still wanted to reach out, to offer comfort. it’s more than he’s gotten from anyone else. even his mother. who he knows loves him, and she does her best to protect him, but when she found out about his makeup stash she just looked sad, and she’s said nothing to him about it.
but his soulmate…
can never, ever meet neil.
the thought hits him right in the chest.
whoever he is, he cares, he’s good. and neil breaks good things.
billy falls asleep that night tracing the empty space where his soulmate’s message used to be, wrapped up in worries and dreams, and terrified for someone he’s never met.
the doodles that come and go over the years are terrifying and exhilarating and billy manages to hide every single one from his father. they only ever show up during the day, and they don’t linger. something billy is both grateful for and resentful of.
sometimes he’ll watch other boys’ hands in class. check them for drawings. he thinks he’s being careful, but a girl in his chem class, becca, catches him. she says it’s only because she knew what to look for. they share a cigarette under the bleachers and she tells him about a girl who likes green eyeshadow and writes homework reminders on her wrists using stars instead of bullet points.
it takes billy six months and a couple shots of tequila to tell her about watermelon lip gloss and bet you’re pretty and they both cry when he starts to wonder if his soulmate will be disappointed that he isn’t a girl.
on a rainy april afternoon she asks him to go to a gay bar with her. he tells his father he’s going on a date. she tells her’s that she had to reschedule a tutoring session and it’ll run pretty late.
they wait til it’s dark and get ready in a dingy gas station bathroom. when she’s smearing on her eyeliner she catches sight of his face in the cloudy mirror. he wasn’t going to ask her for anything. he wouldn’t have brought it up. the twinge in his heart and a hollow feeling of longing aren’t anything new, he can deal.
he feels and empty kind of rage every time old, well-meaning relatives give max girly lip gloss kits and eyeshadow pallets and shit normal preteen girls who care about finding their soulmates actually appreciate. she always rolls her eyes and throws them away. susan will fish them out of the trash sometimes, and leave them under the bathroom sink, like if max just sees them there she’ll suddenly give a shit and start using them. like them being there does anything but taunt billy with what he can’t have.
neil watches him like a fucking hawk every time that shit comes into the house. and max doesn’t fucking care. doesn’t notice.
but becca offers.
and.
he’s not about to say no.
he should’ve said no.
it feels good at first, like it used to, it feels like freedom and he likes what he sees when he looks in the mirror, and he kisses a boy for the first time and it isn’t fireworks but it’s something, and he thinks maybe it’s going to be a good night, but then…
neil is waiting on the curb outside becca’s house. they were heading there first, because her parents wouldn’t notice, she said it would be fine, she has makeup remover he can use, he can clean up and head home and everything was supposed to be okay, except. it wasn’t.
it’s the last time he sees becca. neil tells her parents what was actually going on, and she isn’t allowed to visit him in the hospital.
and then six months of rehab, one rushed wedding and a big ugly sold sign later, neil carts them off to hawkins, indi-fucking-ana. as a “family.”
billy was certain this town would be nothing but a prison. it’d be somewhere he’d never find a place to be himself, neil would make sure of that. there wasn’t a single thing to like about this place and its bullshit small town sensibilities. for all the open space it might as well have been stone walls and steel bars.
except.
except...here was a boy with soft eyes and nimble fingers, who gets a little wrinkle between his brows when he concentrates, and is always moving, fidgeting, fiddling with zippers and touching his elbows and looking at him makes billy itch. to touch, to soothe, to take, and…
things get complicated when aimless blue waves scrawl up billy’s arm. when steve follows him out into the parking lot. calls him pretty to his face. and suddenly billy’s eight years old and realizing this shit is real. terrified of what that could mean. spinning fragile dreams like spider’s silk, hard to shake but easy to destroy.
even entertaining the idea of putting on makeup while he’s still in hawkins is stupid and dangerous, but goddamn if he hasn’t risked more for less.
he’s sure he’ll regret it. like he’s regretted every other desperate bid for freedom. but when faced with steve harrington’s smile, he can’t find it in himself to say no.
(edit: pt3 here)
#harringrove ficlet#harringrove#billy hargrove#stranger things#soulmate au#a raven's writing desk#another part is coming#cuuuz#this was getting way too long kdfljgk#i had to split it up cuz the other stuff i wanted to write is. definitely just gonna be a whole nother post to itself lol
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Why did Lestat decide to stay with a closeted, homophobic, and frankly unproductive Louis while being an 'out & proud' bisexual guy? Atleast, Nicki embraced it all 'with pride' if only to spite God (the courage counts). He was ambitious and create 'goodness' out of it. He would also have an impressive academic background which is more than 'reading pretentious books'. How did all of these translate into Louis as 'the chosen one'?
Alright, so this ask has been in my inbox a little while mainly because some of the implications really bother me, as well as other assumptions seeming to directly contradict canon. I have no idea if this ask is in good faith or not, but I'm going to go through it and break down what my issue is.
First of all, I'm going to start by saying that I would not consider Nicki or Lestat to be "out". Lestat never seems to struggle with any shame over his orientation, but he is very much closeted. He and Nicki never give any indication of being public about the nature of their relationship, and why would they? France was less severe in its legal treatment of sodomy than most other places, but the social penalties would've been extremely severe. Being confident in your sexuality =/= out.
As for Nicki, I would disagree that "the courage counts" when what he's essentially doing to fully embracing his internalized homophobia to the most extreme extent. What he's doing is self harm of a spiritual type. Hurting himself and Lestat with his acknowledgment of his orientation is very sad and unfortunate more than it is courageous. It's also rather hurtful to suggest that someone is objectively better than another if they use their pain to make art ("goodness"). No one is obligated to make their suffering something for consumption.
Regarding the fact that Louis is/was closeted and dealing with internalized homophobia...I really dislike the implications here. Louis was obviously extremely ashamed of his orientation and had no desire to share it publicly. And why on Earth would he feel any other way?
He grew up in the 18th century in a Catholic area where he would have been at best shunned from his community and family and at worst killed if he was outed. A gay person who doesn't feel safe or ready to come out is just as deserving of love as someone who is. It's not a moral failing or a strike against them as a person. Besides, even if Louis felt exactly the same as Lestat, there's no way they would've been out advertising it any more than Lestat and Nicki because of sheer logistics.
As far as being "unproductive", I mean, yeah. But Lestat was certainly not a productive member of society either. By definition, vampires are leeches. And Louis and Lestat are wealthy landlords who literally feed on humans. They spent seventy years doing absolutely nothing of value. If Louis is unproductive, Lestat is equally so, if not more because at least Louis ran the household and business.
Finally, the academic background is a strange thing to bring up. There's no indication that this is something that matters to Lestat in a partner. He himself is uneducated in the formal sense and it doesn't ever appear to be something that attracts him to Louis or Nicki. And if we ARE comparing (which there's no reason to do, Nicki and Louis are both very intelligent), I disagree with your assessment. Nicki was from a rural family and attended a few months of schooling at the Sorbonne for law. Impressive, but he was ultimately a drop out who never wanted to be there in the first place.
Louis is from a very wealthy family nearby a large city. We don't know if he attended college (it's possible, maybe unlikely), but he would've had private tutors all his life and possibly something like an elite boarding school education. And yes, reading is not formal education, but he clearly cares about and enjoys learning and I don't think what he accomplished on his own should be discounted as just "pretentious books".
At the end of the day, love isn't determined by a pros and cons list or what looks good on paper. Louis is the "chosen one" because Lestat loves him. Utimately, they're compatible, probably more than Lestat and Nicolas (I've talked about why here and here) and it works. Personally, I'm glad love doesn't work on a rational system like the one being described in the ask. Where would we all be if it did?
#i absolutely don't mean this as a takedown of nicki#he's great and i love him#but this ask got me ranting#answered
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