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#and i was like nothing i just want to be by myself and they KEPT INSISTING and i think eventually i shouted WELL JOW IM MAD BC YOU WONT LEAV
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AITA for faking my death to get out of an abusive relationship?
Tw for verbal + mental/psychological abuse and suicide
I used to be in a discord server with some friends, there were about 40 people in it, only around 20 who were actually active. It was a while ago I can't remember. I was in that server for about 4 months.
From the start, people would occasionally get mad at me over something I didn't do. About every month or so someone would start a rumor about me and make the whole server gang up on me, I'd tell them it was false, but everyone would still avoid me for the next couple days.
I never did anything wrong, but I was always the center of the drama, and when I asked one person, R, why, he said he didn't know and that I didn't deserve so much hate.
About a week later R was talking in the vent channel about how I had manipulated him. I DMed him to ask why, and he told me it was because I asked him if he was my friend. I thought it was fucking stupid because it's not manipulative to be paranoid, but I pretended to be sorry because I didn't want him to be mad at me.
The server also had a bot where you could submit anonymous messages, and lots of people would use that feature to make up things about me to ruin my reputation.
After a while I left the server and only stayed in contact with a few people. However, every couple days another person would tell me I'm a monster and gaslight me into thinking I'm a terrible person, and every time I asked why they hated me they didn't give me an answer.
My only real friend, T, showed me some messages from the others after I left the server, and a bunch of people were making up stories about bad things I had done to them, and people who I had never even spoken to were saying that I had abused them and was dangerous.
Once someone told me thay they understood all the things R had said about me weren't true, but said it was still my fault anyway, and even told me that R had done nothing wrong (he lied about me in front of the entire server and is the reason I lost all my friends, and he yelled at me and called me evil because I was suicidal), and then they accused me of faking having amnesia because I had flashbacks.
Eventually, only four of my "friends" hadn't blocked me, and they almost never talked to me. Everyone kept calling me a terrible person because R spread lies about me and everyone else believed him instead of me.
It was to the point where I couldn't go one day without someone sending me death threats or trying to guilt trip me with false information, and I was getting very sever flashbacks of the stuff R had said to me, and I started failing classes because I couldn't focus on anything.
Eventually I had had enough, so I tagged them all in a tumblr post about how I was going to kill myself and then logged out of both that tumblr account and my old discord account forever.
(Also about a month after I had left, I got texts from irl friends, and it turns out someone on the server found the contact info of people I knew in real life just to ask if I was dead or not. And that scared the shit out of me.)
I've left out a lot of details of the abuse because of amnesia. I have a mental disorder which makes it hard to remember things, plus the brain often blocks out traumatic memories, so I'm sorry if some info feels missing.
The only reason I feel like I might be an asshole is because once I was gone, all of them switched targets and started to harass T. They said they hated him for being on my side, and sent him death threats on anon because he was mad at them for killing his friend. They started treating him the same way they treated me, and called him a horrible person but refused to give a reason as to why, and if I had stayed around they would've left him alone.
@should-be-dead (made a sideblog so I get notified when this is posted)
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st4rgzer · 17 hours
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now playing…SO LONG, LONDON (spencer reid)
summary: spencer realizes how much damage he had been causing you.
genre: angst with fluffy ending
cw!: idk relationship problems?😭 also use of y/n and y/l/n (your last name)
a/n: so since y’all wanted a happy ending version! here it is, it isn’t quite like the song but yeah, you guys get the point. masterlist
tension protruded eagerly from the silent room. it was dim, you had left some candles lit but that was it. your cheeks were wet and hot. but somehow you still felt an adamant numbing sensation of coldness. your weary bones hugged your knees, sniffles breaking through the silence.
“how long did you think i could’ve held on” you muttered through your broken voice.
“what?” he lifted his head from in between his legs where he had his hands pressed to the back of his neck.
“how long did you think i could’ve held on to you? were you just going to let me destroy myself, give everything i had just for you to crack a smile?” you spoke loudly now, sharp words that stung as spencer heard every one of them.
he didn’t respond. instead, he just listened. he knew the last thing you wanted from him right now was for him tp talk back, so he let you talk.
“fuck, even my friends said it was not right to be scared! not of you, but of how quickly your temperament can change from one moment to another. every breath that i take feels like im stealing it from you, like- like when i do finally get to do so, its short and doesn’t last long until i have to hold my breath again.”
“do you resent me, spencer? is that what this is? you left the BAU after you got back from prison, and i thought it was to settle down, make me your wife. but you never wanted this, did you?” spencers head perked up. his demeaner changed. he went from attentive and remorseful to stern.
“do not say that. “ he pointed a finger at you “y/n y/l/n don’t you, for a second, think i regret any minute i’ve ever spent with you, i regret a lot of things in my life but meeting you, loving you? i’ve never thought twice about that. you are my number one priority in this life, and im sorry i couldn’t give you everything you wanted, at least not right now. but i promise, i swear on my life, if that even means anything, that i’m going to get better. and i know actions speak more than words, but please, please hold on. i’m not going to insist you stay here with me, but just promise you’ll come back when you’re ready? i love you, y/n, and i hate myself for even thinking that i hurt you.” his tone was indulgent, pleading almost. he had stood up and waved his hands frantically as he punctuated each word, meaning every one. his frazzled hair and big brown eyes kept you at bay.
for a few minutes there was silence as you quietly digested his words.
“do you mean that?” you whispered, fragile, as you looked up at him.
he nodded his head, looking away and blinking a few times. trying to hold in the tears that painfully pricked his waterline.
you sighed, attempting to weigh the pro’s and con’s of the situation, but you loved him. a mental list of the good and the bad wasn’t going to decide the fate of your life. in every relationship there’s hell in heaven, eventually, happiness comes back. all you knew was that this man encapsulated your whole being with nothing more than love and affection, so you knew that this was nothing but a small dent in the glass case that encased the rose that was your love.
you opened your arms, he hesitantly got down to your level. you held him tightly, as if the weight of the wind was to carry him away at any moment. he buried his head in qthe crook of your neck, sniffling as he let out soft sobs, and whispers of apologies.
eventually, the tears ceased. and you both laid there, enveloped. consumed by each other, hands caught in spencers hair from raking through it, as sleep caught onto you. spencer kissed the bridge of your nose gently.
“i love you”
“i love you too”
a/n: guys idk how to feel about this one, this might have been my least favorite so far😭
taglist: @ilovesadiesink @sp3ncelle @lvtilzs @bunnylov-3-r @bellasprettywords
*comment to be added*
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veren-cos · 3 days
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Astarion x Reader (Bg3)
Gn reader with chronic pain
This one is pretty recent but lmk if I made any mistakes! Not proof read.
Astarion sauntered into the room after a successful night of hunting. He was hyper aware of everything from his latest feed, so the minute you made a move he noticed you were off.
And off you were, you looked like a wreck. You were in the same spot on the bed as when he left — hours ago. "Darling, are you alright?" There was concern in his voice.
You took the blanket and threw it over your face. Astarion's expression crinkled. He sat down next to where you lay, "My love, what's wrong?" He went to run his fingers through your hair but you pushed an arm out to nudge him away. He took a short pause, "I can't know what's wrong unless you speak to me."
You let out a groan, "I don't want to talk about it." There was a something in your voice that Astarion couldn't quite pinpoint.
"Then I won't make you, but please don't push me away."
You were a sucker for contact- holding hands, hugs, light kisses. Anything and everything he'd allow. He tried reaching his hand out again, and you let him.
"I'm sorry" it was barely above a whisper.
He hesitated a bit but his hand kept a steady pace on your head. "Whatever for? You haven't done anything wrong." He laughed a bit, "unless you were causing mischief without me today."
"I'm sorry you have to put up with me." You tighten your grip on the blanket covering your face, avoiding his. You just knew that he was going to look at you with pity. Pity? Anger maybe. Something serious, and you didn't want to deal with that. You felt bad enough, everything ached... Nothing was going right today.
"Put up with you?" Astarion was baffled, "Darling I look at you as pure perfection. You are who I desire to be with, the one who I will spend the rest of my days. How could I ever 'put up with you'?" He even does the quotes with his hands for dramatic flair, not that you could quite see it. "It is you in which my love knows no bounds. Nothing could keep me away from you, as long as you'll have me. I dont get why you cant just care for yourself a little more? You are certainly deserving of it."
This wasn't the response you thought you'd get at all. Your body shook, wanting to cry from the seering pain and his sentiment. "I am not deserving of this. Of any of your affection. I care for you. You are so. Perfect. And I am far from that. I hurt. Constantly. I know you know this, and that you don't mind. But I don't want this for you. You deserve someone who doesn't just curl up in bed all day the second something hurts a bit more than normal. You deserve someone who will... be there! I can't be there. Not all the time. I'm barely here for myself! I just sit here, ignoring everything my body is telling me because I refuse to get help! I refuse to get help from anyone. But i especially refuse to get help from you. Astarion, I can't handle the guilt."
You sit up, much regretting that choice, but doing it regardless to make a point. You took a dramatic breath, "Why cant i take care of myself, you ask? Because i dont care about myself! I loath every minute i spend in this body. Every day! And i cant fathom why you care about me."
He takes a moment, staring into your eyes as he contemplates what to respond. "Darling. My love. Is that what this is about?" You turn to look away but he took your face to make you look at him once again. "I know you are in pain. And I am here for you. I need you to know this. I dont care about anything else. I just want to be here for you. I know I can't take it away, believe me if I could, I would. But you need to tell me when this happens. If nothing else I can just whisper in your ear. Sweet little nothings to get you to sleep, hm?"
And that he did. Astarion laid you back down again, joining you under the covers. As much as you wanted to put up a fight, your body gave out on you. He was cold. He always was, but it felt nice against your skin. He pulled you into a loose hug, carefully avoiding places you flinched at. You reciprocated the gesture, wrapping your arms around his waist. He was working basically as a elven ice-pack, and you adjusted his hands to wherever the pain was. "Thank you."
"..."
"I'll try. I'll talk to you more." When you were done, he placed a kiss on your forehead as he nuzzled in.
"There is nothing to thank. It's what I'm here for. I love you." He let out an icy breath.
"I love you too."
He smiled, "Now go to sleep, you'll feel better in the morning. I promise. And we will lay right here until you do, I won't let you go."
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jeyusos-girl · 2 days
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a/n: yall someone tell this man to release me from the spell he’s cast on me 😭😭😭
don’t know where this came from but here it it
i feel like i may make another version of this without the angst bc it wasn’t supposed to be angsty to begin with 💀💀💀
word count: 832
❤️💔❤️
“What do you want?” Y/N whispered, stretching her limbs over her king-sized bed, loving the way the silk sheets felt over her smooth skin.
There was a beat of silence before the man at the end of the bed spoke up.
“You.”
A smirk painted itself on her glossy lips. She pulled herself up, leaning back on her bent elbows.
“Which part of me?” she teased, biting her lip. She stared into his dark eyes, feeling a chill creep up her spine. She hated that he had that effect on her.
Her teasing did nothing to crack the stoic look on his face.
“All of you.”
She fell back on the bed as his strong hands traveled up her legs, gripping and massaging her calves. Her skin broke out in goosebumps. She did little to stop the satisfied moans from escaping her lips.
She ignored the alarm bells ringing in her head when his hands inched towards her thick thighs.
“Why are you holding back from me?” he asked gruffly.
She heard him, but she didn't speak. Too deep in a euphoric daze brought on by the feeling of his big hands roaming her thighs.
She was shaken out of that daze when a sharp slap cracked across her left thigh. A soft gasp fell from her lips as he pulled her to the end of the bed. They were now face to face, his stoic expression replaced with one Y/N couldn't decipher.
“Why are you holding back from me?” he repeated, growing more frustrated.
“You're married,” Y/N stated matter-of-factly.
He rolled his eyes, standing up straight. He ran a hand over his full beard, not making eye contact.
“We’re getting a divorce,”
“I've heard that one before,” it was her turn to roll her eyes.
“I’m serious, I’m meeting with my attorney next week,”
The room went silent for a moment before Y/N spoke up.
“You're still legally married,”
He let out a frustrated sigh.
“My marriage has been over for a while regardless of what the law says you know that,”
“Okay but-”
“Why are we still talking about this,” he interrupted her.
“I don't sleep with married men,”
He smirked at that. Of course he did.
“Well then, how do you explain what happened three years ago?” he wove his fingers through her hair tugging harshly so she couldn't look away from his fiery gaze.
She swallowed harshly as she felt herself shrinking internally.
“That was a mistake, you know that,” she whispered.
“Really? Four days of making love all over Hawaii was a mistake to you? Be honest with yourself.”
“I am honest with myself but you can't say the same can you?” Y/N snapped.
“You knew marrying her was a mistake, I told you you'd regret it. That's why you'd come crawling back to me every time you and her argued, that's why you flew me to Hawaii after she said she was done with you for the millionth time and that's why you showed up on my doorstep unannounced after almost 2 years of not speaking to me because you finally have the balls to do what you should've done a long time ago.”
He slowly loosened his grip on her hair as he saw her eyes well up with tears.
Y/N was a tough girl, but Tama had always been her weakness.
“And I was stupid enough to let you in again,”
“Baby,” Tama tried to wipe away the tears that escaped her eyes.
“No Tama, I can’t do this again, you're just going to leave me like you always do.”
She stood up from the bed, pushing him away in the process.
He watched as she sat at her vanity, silently wiping away the tears that kept coming.
“You're right,” he murmured.
She looked at him through the mirror as he paced the room.
“You’re right, I do regret marrying her, I regret not choosing you every time I think of what my life has become,” he paused as Y/N turned to face him.
He moved closer and kneeled before her.
“I hate that I put you through this for all these years, I would give anything to go back in time and change this situation. I love you, and I will never stop trying to make it up to you.”
“I don't know, I don't think I can handle another heartbreak Tama,” Y/N mumbled with her face in her hands.
“You won't have to baby. Just let me make it up to you,”
He moved her hands from her face and cupped her cheeks in his hands.
She didn't pull away, instead, she leaned into his touch as his thumbs caressed the soft skin.
“Okay, one last chance. That's it,”
He nodded, searching her eyes before testing his luck and leaning in slowly.
Y/N met him halfway, and their lips met in a sweet yet timid kiss.
‘hopefully he stays true to his word’
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jolynesmom · 2 days
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Hey, I’m really sorry to dump this onto you. I really apologize. I don’t know who to talk about this anymore.
I’m 26. Struggling with the void state. I basically messed up my entire life and career and I only found out of the void state like 8 months ago. But I find myself getting so frustrated.
I know it’s easy and it’s basically us. But I can’t seem to grasp this and achieve it. Do you have any tips about this please?
hiya, you really don’t need to apologize! I totally get you and it can take some pressure off when you talk out your worries;
I understand where your frustration comes from, it took me 4 years to finally get any results in my journey, I was just so desperate to get out of here I kept persevering even when I felt like giving up
I don’t know if you want to use the void state to shift or manifest something here but let me tell you something!!
even if it takes you 10 years to get your desires, after you get them, those years will feel so insignificant and short lived compared to the life you live after
why does it matter you messed up your life and career when you can fix everything overnight? the 3D be damned, it’s so irrelevant I literally just laugh when I think how powerless it is compared to me or you
I suggest you take a step back and relax. find the source of your frustrations and address it. treat everything with indifference and keep persisting. even with not entering the void yet, you can manifest a better life here and now. when something negative comes my way i manifest it away immediately, I don’t stay sad or stressed for more than 10 minutes. even if I fail entering the void or shifting, I remind myself I have all the time in the world to achieve it
entertaining the void is very easy: you just need an alternate state of consciousness (hypnogogia, lucid dreaming, sats etc) and intention. you don’t even need to have a positive mindset or fully believe it. if you’ve read my post on how to I entered the void, I mentioned how I didn’t think I can enter the void without doing yoga nidra then entered it a few minutes later because I simply wanted to get into the void
your thoughts create your reality. just state what you want, keep persisting and watch how your desires come to you
repetition and persistence are the keys; you don't have to fully believe the things you want to manifest, you just have to persist with the new thought
if you desire something, just immerse yourself in the idea that it's already yours in your imagination. affirm it, feel it, and don't let the current reality bother you. focus on your imagined reality (4D), persist in it, and over time, your outer reality (3D) will align with what you've imagined. that's when your desires come to life
here is some advice I can give regarding the void and manifesting, but I’ll also link some posts I hope you’ll find useful:
—the void state is nothing special, it’s just a deep meditative state just like when you zoom out in class and can’t hear, see or feel anything
—meditate; find a meditation you find comfortable doing and do it any time you can (I suggest doing it at least one time per day, especially in the morning). I like doing wim hof breathing method and listening to white, pink and brown noise. you can also use guided meditations on youtube. meditation can help you also release stress
—affirm daily for your desires. even if you get negative thoughts, ignore them and continue affirming
—be delusion regarding your desires. even if it feels icky at the beginning, keep on persisting
—if you can lucid dream use it to get into the void. it’s so easy and quick
links:
—cici’s meditation guide for beginners
—the void state is easy
—jani’s law of assumption guide
—the best and fastest way to manifest
—enter the void on command by turning off your left brain side
—lucid dreaming guide
—void method: wake back to bed
—void method: pink hof breathing method
—void method: distraction method
—void method: lullaby method
—meditations to enter the void state
I wish you the best!! I hope only positive things come your way from now on 🤍
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dawneternal · 15 hours
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The Benevolent | Eris x Healer OC | Four
☁︎ notes: these dummies are so smitten
☁︎ warnings: usual talk of injuries and Beron's abuse. Injured animal (he's okay though)
☁︎ word count: 2.2k
☁︎ AO3 Link / Masterlist
☁︎ tags: @cauldronblssd @teddyhoneybear @imma-too-many-fandoms @tele86 @mybestfriendmademe @allyjoe755 @milswrites @shadowdaddies @zenkindoflove @landofpetrichor
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The next summon interrupted Aya’s day off. Her promised day of nothingness; no lessons, no jobs, no meetings, and no Court dinners. She planned to curl up in a corner of the green house and read, surrounded by the scent of healing herbs and flowers. Until that infernal ring began to glow once more. She could not ignore it, but she could grumble to herself all she wanted about how talented the Heir of Autumn was at collecting near-death experiences. 
She was still silently complaining while she winnowed, while the world righted itself, and while Edana’s garden appeared before her eyes. What finally stopped the chain of complaints was the sight of Eris standing before her. 
Hands in his pockets, head tilted to the side, he smiled as her gaze met his. The corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled, eyes bright and unclouded by pain or alcohol. The sunlight gilded his copper hair and kissed every freckle. 
Aya found herself unable to remember what she had been thinking about. No memory of her difficult weeks, her reluctance to return to this land of cunning and deception. She was lost in his smile. Something in it made her feel like she knew everything and nothing all at once. 
Eris watched her eyes flick over his form, still struggling to focus after winnowing, and he took the time to study her in turn. Her height surprised him, the top of her head barely level with his shoulder. She had lovely curves, hugged by flowy, pastel fabrics as per the Dawn Court fashion. Her ears were lined with piercings, a gold ring with a gem dangling from her septum. Her wings were a soft glimmering gold dappled with darker brown, feathers rustling in the light breeze. She kept them tucked in tight to her body. And her eyes-
He thought of the sun rising, the blue fading into the orange and leaving that strange greyed-out tone in between. Somewhere in that softly painted sky was the color of her eyes. A brilliant silver, not quite blue, hints of orange. Purple in some lights. Somehow conveying all the loveliness of a misty dawn. Perhaps he had not appreciated the sunrise as much as he should in his five hundred and something years alive. 
In short, they spent entirely too long staring at each other. 
“At last, I meet my savior,” Eris broke the silence.
“I’d hardly call myself a savior,” Aya said, clutching her bag a little tighter. Her voice was as soft and melodic as he remembered from his dream. 
“You deserve countless thanks, nonetheless,” He smiled, and Aya admired the way his freckles moved and dipped to make way for his dimples. 
The crisp air combined with her thin clothes pulled a shiver from her. She had begun to wonder if he had called her there just to thank her when he swept an arm toward the door to Edana’s rooms. 
“One of my hounds is injured,” He said, his expression slipping into something more solemn, “I’m sure you’ll be glad to know it’s nothing serious. If you’ll follow me.” 
In the daylight, she could see more details of Edana’s rooms. The trim, doorways, and furniture were cut from the same dark wood as the rest of the Forest House, but the Lady had her walls painted light colors. Her decorations ventured outside of the familiar autumn color palette, a few daring shades of blue scattered throughout. 
Aya also noticed for the first time that the door to the stone hallway was different from the rest. Aside from being situated in a strange place, it was older, warped and scratched. It had been left slightly ajar, and she could see from its faint purple glow that it was enchanted. When the door was shut, it would disappear from the wall entirely. 
She followed him through the doorway, watching the fae-lights in the dim hall illuminate his muscled shoulders and well tailored shirt. As the ever present silence of the stone hallway wrapped around them, it finally hit her that they were alone. 
“This is a private passage?” She asked softly, “There’s never anyone here.”
“Yes,” He answered, his voice strangely tense, “It’s an old passageway either unknown or forgotten by my father.”
He did not elaborate and she did not pry any further. It bothered Eris that she had been here twice before and he had not been conscious of it. He had no idea what she had seen and heard and learned. Things he should have been there to shield her from, no doubt.
When she stepped through the doorway, Aya shivered, her wings ruffling. Eris’s brows knit together. He had never seen anyone react to wards that way before. He watched as she scanned the room and locked in on the hound laying on his bed, needing no instruction. When she approached, she offered him the back of her fist to sniff, and he seemed to have no qualms with her coming closer. She soothed him before moving to his wound, smoothing down his dark fur and massaging his ears, all the while murmuring kind words and praise. 
Eris almost smiled, wondering if she understood how ferocious that beast could be. He had seen the same dog with eyes hollow and hungry, blood dripping from his jaw. Not many would go near him. On his feet, he probably stood almost to her shoulder. And here she was, turning him to putty with her pets and kind words. His tail wagged as she spoke to him and he didn’t protest when she finally began to clean and dress his wound. 
“What happened?” Aya asked, eyes remaining focused on the work before her. He admired the dance of her hands, swift and coordinated. 
“He tumbled near the river bank, silly beast,” Eris answered. 
Aya noted the affection in his voice and the embroidered collar around the dog’s neck. A thought also prickled at the back of her mind that Eris was not telling her the real story. Why have her come all of this way if the cause was not something that Beron must not know? But it did not matter, because she wasn’t supposed to sleuth. 
“He has a name, doesn’t he?” She said instead, smiling. 
“Juno,” Eris admitted, a bit sheepishly. Embarrassment crept up the back of his neck, the feeling of being caught at something he tried to hide. Her smile was too knowing, she definitely recognized it as another figure from mythology. 
“I wish I could give you something to thank you properly,” He continued. 
“Well you did interrupt my day off,” She flashed a sly smirk, eyes still on her hands.
“Oh, did I?” His eyebrows raised, lips twitching up into a smile. Something sparked in his veins at her playful tone. “I suppose I’ll have to figure out something special then.”
“If you think that’s fair,” She let out an exaggerated sigh, eyes glittering. 
Eris was distracted by a golden glimmer, catching the light as she worked. It was the ring on her forefinger, a simple gold band that fit snug against her skin. His stomach dropped. 
“My mother bound you?” He whispered, and from his tone she could practically see the embers burning in his throat.. Aya paused and looked up at him, the color draining from his face. 
“Yes,” Her brows furrowed. She thought he would have known that. “Her contract seemed fair. I asked for a written copy.” 
A muscle twitched in his jaw and he said in that same quiet fury, “Will you please send me a copy?” 
“Of course,” Aya said, gaze still stuck on his as she searched his face for answers. It was almost too long before she turned back to the hound, who had begun to whine for her attention. The silence in the room had begun to squeeze.
“I understand that this situation is…delicate,” She continued after a moment, swallowing hard. It was always too quiet here, sounds of arguing and pain the only things to interrupt it. It was unnerving, like balancing a glass ball on each shoulder. 
“I wish she would not have dragged you into it,” He whispered through his teeth. He stood with his arms crossed, looking a little taller than before. This was closer to the image of the Heir she had heard stories about. Though he was certainly less intimidating since she had seen him drunk and smitten with a fictional angel. 
“I can handle it,” Aya said, giving Juno one last pat before rearranging the supplies in her worn leather satchel. 
“You shouldn’t have to.” 
She faced him, bag in hand, tilting her head back to look at him fully. Eris drew in a deep breath, trying not to stare at the reflection of the light on her long glossy curls, in her misty eyes.
“Thesan gave me a talisman,” She pulled up one sleeve to reveal a tattoo on her bicep. A stylized, swirling cloud. “It will give me protection against magic if your father tried to use any against me.” 
The sight of it did strange things to Eris’s heart. He felt the relief of her protection. She was not another liability, another piece on his chessboard that he must keep under his watch at all times. But there was another feeling there, too. Like he resented this thing that separated her from him. That ugly desire to control and protect everything he felt a fondness for reared its head. She belonged to the Dawn Court. She was Thesan’s creature. She may be Eris’s healer, bound to his mother by that horrible ring, but she was not his. She was not loyal to him. Unless she chose to be. And nobody ever chose Eris of their own accord. 
“Good,” Eris said, in another tone that Aya couldn’t read. 
“Oh,” She said, in an attempt to avoid another awkward lull, fishing a corked bottle of green tablets and holding it out to him. “Juno can have these for the pain. They’re mostly herbs so they’re very safe for him.” 
“You’re very kind,” Eris smiled, his voice softened by the kindness she had shown his beloved pet. It was, of course,  a risk to show any affection for his hounds. They were meant to be ruthless weapons. Just like the seven sons. 
“What are your mother’s guards names?” She asked suddenly, brows drawing together. 
“Why?” He swallowed an urge to reach out and smooth the wrinkles between her eyebrows with his thumb, swiping away whatever worried her just to see her smile again.
“I just think I should know. It seems to rude to refer to them as anything else. They’re not my guards.” 
So she must not know about Thesan’s order for Eris to protect her while she was present in the Autumn Court. He had extended that order to the guards. 
“The older one with dark hair is Caspian, and Asher is blond and bearded,” Eris answered. Aya nodded, and he could practically see her tucking the information away in her mind.
Against the dark wood and warm colors of his room, he thought she looked like a sparkling gemstone. Vibrant Amethyst among common stones. They watched each other in silence for the third time until, reluctantly, he led her back to the winnow spot and let her return to her world. 
⋆。˚ ☁︎ ˚。⋆。˚☽˚。⋆ 
The next morning, Aya was pulled from her sleep by a knock on the door. A courier waited on the other side with an envelope and package wrapped in brown paper and string. She thanked him and returned to her bed, holding the parcel in her lap. The paper and string fell forgotten to the floor as she opened it eagerly. 
Inside was a new leather satchel, the same shape and size as her old one. The sides and edges had been dyed a rich mulberry, the leather carved and tooled into an interlocking, curving design. The golden clasp, shaped like a leaf, gleamed in the morning sun. Her breath caught in her throat at the sight of it, so lovely and new compared to the one she had carried daily for years now. The leather had been worn so thoroughly that it drooped and sagged.
Aya opened the bag, finding it lined with pockets and sections the perfect sizes for bandages and vials. There was also an envelope nestled inside, her name scrawled on the front in curly script. She opened it gingerly, planning to add the paper to the box of ephemera under her bed. Mail was a rare treat. 
Aya,
Thank you again for your help. Juno is doing much better and I suspect you have made a friend of him. I hope this gift will be of use to you.
As for retribution for your missed day off, you may also find that your instructors received a strongly worded letter from some anonymous busybody complaining about the state of cleanliness in the healer’s wing. I believe the buildings are being deep-cleaned over the next few days. Enjoy your long weekend. 
Eris
Aya buried her face in her hands, covering her silly, involuntary smile and burning cheeks. She finally bothered to open the other envelope, finding Eris to be truthful. The head of the school had sent a note announcing that classes had been canceled, though they did include a list of assignments to complete and log in the meantime. Assignments that she could complete in the greenhouse, between dozing off and basking in the sunshine the green, herbal scent. Somehow, against all the odds she battled with, Aya had made a friend.
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tayytae · 1 day
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“Late Nights, and Tom”
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Synopsis: Fem/Reader, who becomes increasingly suspicious of her boyfriend Tom's late-night arrivals home. She grapples with doubts about his fidelity, questioning his explanations for his tardiness. The tension builds as she confronts Tom about her concerns, leading to a pivotal moment in their relationship where trust is put to the test.
ANGST-SMUT
Reading time: 10m
MY POOKIE SAID I SHOULD DO THIS SO WHY NOT 🗣️
---
I sat on the couch, staring at the clock as it ticked past midnight. Tom was late again. This had become a routine lately—him coming home way past his usual time, always with some flimsy excuse. At first, I tried to believe him, but my gut told me something was off.
Tonight, I couldn't take it anymore. I paced around the living room, my mind racing with thoughts of what he could be doing. Is he with another woman? Is he lying to me? The questions gnawed at me, consuming my thoughts until I heard the front door creak open.
Tom stumbled in, looking disheveled and guilty. "Hey, babe," he mumbled, avoiding my eyes.
I couldn't hold back anymore. "Where have you been?" My voice came out sharper than I intended.
He hesitated, then stammered out a story about a work emergency that required him to stay late. But I wasn't buying it anymore. "Tom, I can't do this. I feel like you're hiding something from me."
He looked genuinely hurt. "I'm not cheating on you, I swear. It's just been crazy at work."
Tears welled up in my eyes. "I want to believe you, but it's hard when you keep coming home late without any real explanation."
Tom sat down heavily on the couch, looking defeated. "I promise, there's nothing going on. I'll try to be more transparent about my schedule from now on."
I nodded, trying to compose myself. "I just need honesty, Tom. That's all."
We argued for a while longer, and eventually, I just gave up and went to bed.
---
As the days went by, the tension between us only grew. Every time Tom came home late, it was like a dagger in my heart. I tried to trust him, but the doubts kept creeping in. One evening, I couldn't contain my frustration any longer, once again, I accidentally outbursted.
"You're late again," I said, my voice trembling with anger.
Tom sighed, running a hand through his braided hair, tracing the indents of the rows. “It was just a long meeting, babe. You know how it is."
"No, I don't know how it is, Tom. Because you never tell me anything anymore!" The words spilled out before I could stop them.
He looked hurt. "I'm sorry if I've been distant, but work has been crazy lately."
"That's not an excuse, Tom! You can't keep using work as a shield to hide whatever it is you're doing."
His eyes flashed with annoyance. "I'm not hiding anything from you!"
"Then why won't you just be honest with me?" I pleaded, tears welling up in my eyes.
Tom's expression softened. "I am being honest. I love you, I would never do anything to hurt you." He sighed, looking down at his feet for a few seconds before glancing his doe eyes back up at me.
"But you are hurting me, Tom. Every time you come home late, it feels like a betrayal."
He took a step towards me, reaching out to hold my hands. "I promise, there's no one else. You're the only one I want."
I wanted to pull away, I wanted so desperately to believe him, but the doubts lingered like a dark cloud over us. "Prove it then, Tom. Show me that I can trust you."
He nodded solemnly. "I will, I swear. Just give me a chance to make things right.." he pulled me closer by my waist, our chests touching together as he looked down at me with a smirk.
We stood there in silence for a moment, the weight of our words hanging heavy in the air. Deep down, I wanted to believe that Tom was telling the truth. But the nagging voice in my head kept asking, what if he's not?
Tom leaned down, passionately kissing my lips. His lips felt.. soft, warm, and plump. I couldn’t help but let his tongue explore my mouth with such keenness.
I blush as tom’s lustful gaze stayed upon me. "Fuck, you're beautiful," he said in a husky voice, his hand sliding up from my waist to cup my breast through my shirt. He can already feel my hardened nipple against his palm and he smirks, knowing that he has that effect on me.
I bit my lip as Tom leaned in and captured my lips in yet, another kiss. This time, the passion, the love, and the gentleness vanished. This one, was lustful, eager, and rough. His hands traveled around my body in a possessive manner, wanting nothing more then to show me his love tonight.
Tom's hands traveled down my body, pulling my shirt up and over my head, revealing my bare chest to him for the first time in what felt like years. His lips were on my skin, kissing, sucking, and nipping at my neck, collarbone, and breasts.
I moaned softly as I felt his lips attach to my neck area, my hands left his own and started to tug on his dark, black cornrows.
Tom growls, the sound vibrating through my body as he grabs my hands and pins them above my head, his lips never leaving my skin. He trails kisses down my chest, over my breasts, and flicking his tongue over each of my nipples before making his way lower.
“mmh- Tom..” I moaned quietly, loving the way his lips feel against my soft and delicate skin.
"Mm.. your skin against my lips feels amazing, fuck.." Tom murmurs against my skin, his tongue tracing patterns over my stomach as his hands move to unbutton my pants. He pulls them down, taking my panties with them and throwing them both to the side.
I feel the cold air hit me, the only form of warmth is Tom’s ragged breathing and the feeling in my lower abdomen.
I moan and throw my head back, letting myself enjoy the sensations. Tom’s constant praises and reassurances make me feel a bit better about all of his actions, but I don’t want to think about that right now. Only thing on my mind is him.
“T-Tom,” I plead, my hands tugging on his braids as I continued to speak, my hips rocking against his face in order to creat more friction.
“Mmm, that's it baby. Let go and give in to the pleasure. You're so fucking beautiful when you lose control." Tom whispers against my skin as he continues to finger and suck on my clit, determined to make me cum hard for him.
A loud moan escapes my mouth as he adds a finger, his fingers automatically curling to my g-spot. My legs squeeze his head unconsciously as the pleasure becomes a bit overwhelming.
“M’close..” I said in between my moans, whimpers coming out of my mouth as my stomach forms a knot.
“I know, you're so fucking close. Make sure you cum hard for me baby. Make that sound again, I've missed it." Tom murmurs against my skin, his fingers pumping into me faster with his thumb rubbing circles over my clit.
I moan louder, my hands gripping the sheets hard as my head gets thrown back. My mouth in a shape of an ‘O’ as a silent moan escapes my mouth at the same time. I glance back to Tom as his eyes stay focused on me, occasionally sneaking glances at his working.
"Yes, that's it baby. Cum hard for me like you always do. I love watching you cum undone in my hands." Tom groans out as he watches my reaction, his fingers moving faster as he increases the pressure on my clit.
“Shit!- M’gonna..” I couldn’t finish my sentance as my pussy clenches around Toms rather large fingers; my white juice covering his fingers
"oh fuck yeah..." Tom groans as I cum hard on his hand, his fingers covered in my juices. He immediately withdraws them and licks them off in front of me, giving a loud moan as he does.
Tom stands up and undos his belt and takes off his shirt, my eyes wander over his toned body; admiring his godly physique.
"Do you like what you see?" A smirk forms on Tom's lips as he drops his boxer briefs, showing off his cock that was now fully erect. "I hope you do because I can't wait to be inside of you."
I gasped at the size, a huge 10 inch cock. Its been in me before, but just seeing it makes me feel even wetter..
"Don't worry baby, I'll go slow. I want you to feel every inch of me in that tight little pussy." Tom gets on the bed, crawling towards me. He leans down and kisses me hard, running a hand over my chest.
I moaned into the kiss as tom pulled me closer to the edge of the bed, spreading my legs apart and positioning himself at my entrance.
"Oh fuck, I missed you baby. I missed that sweet little pussy too." Tom teases as he rubs his cock between my lips slowly before pushing it in all the way to the hilt, giving a loud grunt as he does.
I squeeze my eyes shut as I grip his biceps, the pain of him stretching me out is absolutely insane. Yet, do to our long history of dating, I still never really got used to his size.
"That's right, fucking tight as always baby.” Tom bottoms out and stays there for a moment, letting me adjust to his size before he starts to pull back slowly. He does this a few times so I can get used to the feeling of him being inside of me.
I bit my lip in pain, but then the pain turns in to pleasure as I begin to moan. Nodding at Tom to signal he can start to go faster.
Tom gives a low growl from the back of his throat and starts to pick up his pace, gradually going faster with each thrust as he fucks me hard and fast.
I moaned loud, my hands moving to his shoulder as I dig my nails into his skin, Tom leans down and whispers sweet nothings into my ear.
"God baby, I love you so much. Your pussy feels so good." he says with a gasp as he picks up his pace even more, the sound of our skin slapping together filling the room.
“T-Tom!” my eyes rolling back as my face begins to sweat, the sensations sending me into complete ecstasy.
"I'm close baby, cum with me. cum all over my cock." he growls, reaching a hand down between me to rub at my clit, the extra stimulation pushing me both over the edge.
I clench around his cock as my vision fades, stars filling my sight as I do exactly what he says. I cum hard and all over his dick. A ring of my juices can be found at the base of his penis.
Tom lets out a loud moan as he cums deep inside of me, completely filling me up with his seed. He stays there for a moment or two, trying to catch his breath before pulling out and collapsing on the bed next to me.
I pant as I try and catch my breath, glancing over at Tom. His gaze then looks at me.
"wow.." he says with a grin on his face, reaching out to brush some hair out of my sweaty face. We stay silent for a few minutes before tom speaks up again, "I'm sorry I've been so late from work lately, baby. My boss has been piling on the work and I wanted to make sure I could do as much as I could so I could see you."
I pull Tom into my embrace, “Thank you baby,” I rubbed his back, “Thank you for finally telling me.”
"I know I should have told you sooner, but I didn't want you to worry." he says, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me in closer.
I smiled, “Its fine baby, I love you.”
"I love you too, more than anything.”
·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·
A/N: AHHH WAIT WHY DID I ACTUALLY EATT 😜😜
ANYWAYS! PLEASE SEND ME REQUESTSS
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liontalon1 · 2 days
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Ok let’s talk about the final episode and season in general. Aka i dont have anyone to talk to about this show so you guys get stuck with it.
I’m starting off by saying i enjoyed it, i never really found myself getting bored during episodes though i also wasn’t racing to watch them either.
Now that it’s over i really found it lacking something the previous two seasons had. In the beginning i thought s3 had the potential to be better than s2 (my favorite), but it just didn’t deliver. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this season felt rushed with plot points and characters being added and dropped left and right. I could almost say that the show would’ve benefited from another season to allow the storyline to be fleshed out.
It also had a really weird mix of fan service and not. Like they kept on hinting that CX-2 was Tech, going so far as to put Imperial Tech in the credits (at least i think i saw that). I personally didn’t really have a preference one way or the other (i was kinda hoping they’d be Dogma), but seeing how it ended yeah we should’ve had his helmet come off. Just tie that loose end.
They also included Ventress (who i love) but what point did that cameo serve? That Omega’s force sensitive (which i hate how every damn character that is important has to be force sensitive)? Nothing ever came of that! It’s literally never mentioned again, so why was it there? It didn’t even further the batch’s character development like other filler episodes. The cadets anyone remember them? They had no purpose, which was ok if they hadn’t been on Pabu.
And yeah I’m going to go back to Tech. Because how did his death serve the plot? It didn’t, the batch were sad for a single episode, then he was barely mentioned. Which made sense if he was going to be CX-2, but he wasn’t. So why kill him? The only effect it had on the batch was too make things harder for them (same reason Echo was sidelined this entire season), so was that it? To get him out of the way and cause drama, to be an emotional blow for the fans? It just seems pointless.
Then just the final itself. There was a lot that just seemed unfinished. Hemlock and Scorch’s deaths seemed lacking, and kinda anticlimactic at least for Scorch my boy deserved better. We never found out what was up with Hemlocks hand. And Crosshairs hand, i know Star Wars likes to cut hands off their characters but it made no sense plot wise. First it was a cheap cop out of dealing with Crosshairs trauma, second Hemlock wanted to turn them into his operatives so why have them permanently injure one of them? And the Zillo beast was so anticlimactic i was expecting a lot more chaos, yeah it was how an actual wild animal would react but still.
I’m sure i could say more but I’ll stop there. Again i enjoyed the show, and will stay in this fandom for a long time.
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sillygoose067 · 1 day
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Over the 7 Seas
Ch.34
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Charles Leclerc x Reader
Charles tells you that he had some plans to add to his vlog for his Youtube channel, and asks if you’d like to come with him and appear in some clips. You agree and he makes some calls to his team. 
The two of you end up walking around the streets of LA, stopping at street vendors and talking with locals. One man even recognizes him and starts talking about how much better Formula 1 was compared to NASCAR, which was the only form of racing most Americans kept up with. Charles manages to get that on video, and you smile as you watch his excited form interact with the man. You guys stop for some ice cream when your boyfriend starts talking about how one day, he’d like to have his own ice cream business. “Why?”, you ask curiously. “I’ve always loved ice cream since childhood, so why not?”, he shrugs. Fair enough. 
Charles meets some friends who invite him to play some basketball, and goodness gracious, that man either has no awareness about you and your feelings, or he simply doesn’t care– Because after the first two shots, he takes his shirt off and continues his attempt to score. “See, I am so good, I should just switch careers and do this”, he tells the camera and proceeds to miss the hoop. His attempts go on for the next hour, and you stand at the side, watching and trying your best to not lust after him. This was normal, for god’s sake. Any sane person would forego their shirt in this LA heat during a game of b-ball. When he finally gets one shot in, he collapses to the floor dramatically. 
“Ugh. I change my mind. This is too hard.” You giggle, and he turns his head toward you. “You think you can do better?”, he tries to get under your skin. 
You grab the ball, dribble a couple of times, and shoot, half-court. You make it. Charles sits up, eyes wide in shock. “H- How did you.. What?”
You just laugh and shake your head, dribbling and doing some tricks with the ball. “Babe, you forget that I’m from this country. I went to a public school here. One of the sports required in our physical education was basketball.” You roll your eyes dribble til you are full-court, and shoot. Surprise, surprise, you make the shot again. Charles plops back down with an exasperated sigh. 
“So you stood there watching me humiliate myself this entire time when you’re much better?”, he whines.
“I didn’t want to ruin your fun”, you shrug. 
Finally returning to the suite was like a godsend. How was it even possible to be this hot? The European weather had spoiled you. You change into some swimwear, ready to head to the indoor pool with Charles. He exits the bathroom, changed into his swim shorts, and when he catches sight of you, his eyes travel all over you. “Love, why have you been hiding this amazing body under those clothes all this time?”
You blush. “I wasn’t hiding it. I just look and feel fat in everything else.”
He scoffs. “I call bullshit. You are so beautiful, Sweetheart. I don’t see at all how you’re fat. I think you’re actually quite fit. You should wear things that make you feel beautiful more often.”
He kisses your temple while you soak in his words, head turned away to hide your misty eyes. Even in a one-piece swimsuit, nothing overly sexy, Charles Lelclerc thought you looked beautiful and not fat. 
You travel to Las Vegas for the Grand Prix there, cheering Charles on from the paddock (which was somewhat poetic because that was how the two of you met). He ends up coming in P3, and although he’s disappointed in his performance, he enjoys his place on the podium. 
Especially when you race up and embrace him tightly. “I’m so proud of you Charles!”
“Thanks love. But I know I could’ve done better… if it weren’t for the engines failing me last-minute, I could have made it to P2, at least.”
“Well, what’s done is done, and it’s best to not cry over spilled milk. Let’s just go celebrate your success tonight and think about how to improve your performance later, okay?”
He pecks you gently, pulling away with a smile stretching across his face and then leaning in to kiss you again, his fingers gently sliding down from the side of your face to the back of your neck. You pull away breathlessly. “You always know the right thing to say to me, don’t you?”, he whispers. You smile up at him cheekily with a dismissive shrug. 
Carlos and Rebecca are in the opposite corner of the garage, embracing as well, when the manager comes in and summons your boyfriend and his teammate to head to the press room. 
“Go. I’ll be sitting in the audience.”
That night, you go out to dinner with Carlos, Max, and Lando– kind of like a triple date, but with Lando 7th wheeling. The boys are fascinated to hear about what you do as a career and ask if you’re willing to show them the ropes sometime. “Of course! Although, I haven’t even been able to bring Charles to my studio yet, so maybe that will need to be put on hold for a bit.”
With the race over, you and Charles had some time on your hands, so as planned before, you travel up north to the Bay Area and stop by beaches with Carlos and Pierre, and some hidden gems that you knew of (because you’re from the place and your family traveled a lot).
After a tiring 48 hours of navigating the Californian traffic, you finally arrive at your childhood home. Ding dong, you ring the bell. 
The door opens and your sister peeks her head through the small gap. “Hi!”
“Didi (honorific for older sisters)! You’re here! With… With Charles Leclerc!”
“Hello…”, Charles greets your sister hesitantly. She beams at him. 
“Maaa! Didi’s here!”
After a great big welcome and some introductions, your mother settles you and Charles into your childhood bedroom. He walks around in awe. “I don’t know what I expected, but it certainly wasn’t this.”
“In a good way or a bad way?”, you ask nervously biting your lips. 
“Definitely in a good way. You never cease to amaze me, love.”
Lunch with your family is fulfilling and Charles learns many new things about his palate and Indian food– mostly that there’s no generic Indian cuisine, but there are so many different types, dishes, and flavors. “I think I’m in love. I’ll never have a different food again”, he says after having some daal (lentil soup), rice, and fish and potato fries. You laugh. 
“Charles, this is literally just some household staple food, it’s not even a delicacy.”
“If these are this good already, the delicacies must be heavenly.”
Your dad and Charles bond over sports and music, and by the time you need to leave at the end of the week, you have a feeling your family loves your boyfriend more than they love you.
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angelagiarratana · 1 day
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Ultraviolent pt. II
Angsty, tears, no more because spoilers!!
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Angela looked from Chanse to you, “Um? The roommate?” You didn’t know what to say or do. Her presence alone was enough to overwhelm your senses, “Uh- I um- Listen-” Angela looked at you with a glint of hope in her eyes and it was absolutely gut-wrenching. The pain spread from your heart to your head. You blinked a few times to ground yourself, and your silence made Chanse step away and Angela start fidgeting with her fingers and looked at the ground. “Angela, can we talk?” Angela didn’t look at you but nodded. She headed towards the door and you followed silently, eyes focused on the back of head in case she ran this time. She pushed open the door to an office and clicked on a sound machine outside the door. You awkwardly slid past her through the doorway and found a place that felt good enough to stand in. The office was empty, a desk, a chair, a wire pen cup and nothing else. Angela shut the door and didn’t move any closer. 
Angela found a spot on the floor, pulled her legs to her chest, took a deep breath and opened the letter. Ripping open the envelope in a way that preserved her name in your hand writing. “My Dearest Angela, 
I write this with great regret and dread. You have been a light in my life through the darkest, coldest days. You warmed my heart with your smile, sent shivers down my spine with your words, and oh do you shine. You’re such a star.” Angela looked away from the letter to look at the bright pink sticky note above her bed. ‘You gonna be a star - y/n’ She gasped back a sob. 
“The world spins for you my dear, at least my world does. But it needs to spin for me. My love for you is so all consuming that I cannot love you, and take care of myself. I love you in the way I would skip class everyday to lay with you. I would sell all my belongings to pay for your bail. I love you in the way that makes me want to work a blue collar job to pay for your every want and need.” 
You took a deep, ragged breath, and pulled your sleeves over your hands. Angela spotted it and knew you were nervous, she remembered that tell from your Chemistry final sophomore year. You stayed up all night studying, quietly whispering formulas to yourself. Angela stayed up to listen to the way you processed information. She swallowed hard, “Y/n you wrecked me.” Tears formed in both of your eyes and Angela started pacing. “For so long I laid awake at night waiting for you to come home. To text me, call me, hell even like my Instagram post, but you never did.” Angela put her hands on her hips and took another deep breath, trying to remember what her therapist said. You went to speak up, “Ang-” “No. I have waited almost 9 years to say all of this to you.” Angela spoke in a tone that didn’t match how much love that was swirling in her gaze at you. You put your hands by your side and nodded, “To just leave? After I told you I loved you is fucked up,” She stuttered as if she was choking on saying your name so rudely, “Y/n.” She looked at the wall, “I’m sorry, that was rude.” 
Angela wiped snot from her face with her sleeve and then turned the page, “I don’t think you deserve the pain I know this will cause, but I have no choice. If I had you in any capacity you would consume my entire being and soul. God Angela I just melt into you in a way that is so vulnerable and warm. It’s honestly disgusting.” Angela giggled knowing you hated being cheesy and kept all your ushy gushy inside. You saying it to her made the pain worse for a couple moments. “I hope one day you can forgive me for this. I cleaned the whole place before I left. I even washed your dishes. They’re drying on your desk.” She peeked over the paper and saw the spotless mirror, freshly vacuumed rug and the pile of clean dishes. “I also stocked the coffee. Please take care of yourself, you deserve the best treatment from people, including yourself. Thank you for being my best friend. Stay loud, stay loving, and stay hopeful. Good luck with the rest of school. I hope you can forget me.
        Dreadfully, 
       Y/n” 
Angela threw the paper down and collapsed into sobs. She only moved to quickly reach up and grab the shirt you borrowed from her she slid under her pillow last night. She fell back to the floor, held the shirt in her arms and inhaled your scent. How dare you even suggest she could forget you? Angela didn’t move the rest of the night except when she sobbed. Her body jerking with every single one until she fell asleep.
You stepped closer to her, “No, be mean. I deserve it.” She snapped her head at you, “No you don’t.” You sighed, “Anglea I- I did something so awful to you.” Angela took a half step to you, “That doesn’t mean you deserve for me to be rude to you.” Angela shook her head, “I am really mad at you. God I thought I wasn’t anymore.” That stung, deep down. Angela looked at the door, back towards you. You started biting at your thumb nail and sighed deeply, attempting to purge the agony in your chest. You wanted to lump in your throat gone, because you would not cry right now. Angela took two breaths; one shallow and breathy, another deep and agonizing. Tears pricked at your eyes, guilt overwhelming you from head to toe. You disassociated eyes on the floor, teeth still working at your thumbnail. You were quickly spiraling. Angela swore the hair on the back of her neck stood up, she could sense your emotional state, even after all this time. She turned around and quickly made her way to you. She pulled your hand from your face, “Y/n?” You snapped back to the present, pain filled eyes meeting her concerned gaze. She didn’t drop your hand, it rang like a bell in your brain. She didn’t drop your hand. “Are you okay?” She looked at all your features, “I’m okay.” It came out sounding more weak than you wanted. She raised an eyebrow at you and tilted her head, “Y/n/n,” The second the nickname left her lips a sob escaped your lips, legs going limp. Angela grabbed your hips to catch you and she paused for a second, awkwardly holding you up before acting on instinct. 
Angela spent the next week feeling awful. She was silent in class, couldn’t get through a voice lesson without tearing up, and spent her time in bed. The same shirt waiting for her when she got out of class. She forced herself to eat, drink water and go to class because she knew you would be pissed if she didn’t. The clock hit 3:30 pm and Anglea immediately started packing up the empty piece of paper titled ‘Notes’. She didn’t hear a word her professor said and she didn’t care. Angela shoved her laptop in her bag and practically ran out of the building. The idea of running into a friend of yours of hers was her worst nightmare. Someone seeing the bags under her eyes, the sadness that swam in her eyes and dulled her skin. Stepping into the sun she took a deep breath and momentarily felt the warmth on her skin. “Fuck!” The exclamation pulled her out of the sun and into the now. She looked up to see you across the road picking up the books you were carrying. The world stopped moving and all of the sadness Anglea had shoved down for class came bubbling up and out. She took off running, down the sidewalk and into her dorm. Immediately finding your shirt and falling to the ground. 
Angela pulled your head to her chest as you sobbed, mumbled barely audible, “I’m sorry”s until Angela swore you would forget how to say any other word. She stroked your head and shushed you. Her heart was pounding out of her chest. The years of yearning and pain and hope were finally hitting her too. Truthfully, she wasn’t mad at you anymore. She just missed you. You pulled away from her, wiped your face and took a step back. Putting a weird amount of space between the two of you. Angela looked at you with a small smile, and it took you aback. “Why are you smiling?” Angela stepped back into your space, her face inches from yours. Her left hand finds your arm, drawing lazy circles on it. You were so bamboozled by her reaction that you didn’t move, “I just missed you.” You huffed, not satisfied, “What do you mean by that?” Angela giggled, her second hand falling onto your hip. “You're supposed to be mad at me, storm out, let me hurt like I hurt you. I don’t understand why you’re not mad at me?” Your voice was full of genuine confusion, Angela found it endearing. She got impossibly more into your personal space and whispered, “Y/n just admit you're happy I’m not doing that.” She spoke like it was a fact, there was no denying it, and she was absolutely correct. 
Your mouth opened and shut, no words coming out, Anglea had enough. “If you don’t fucking kiss me I’m going to change my mi-” She was happily interrupted by your lips on hers and your arms thrown around her neck. She pulled you closer into her by your hip, her grip tightening. It sent a shock down your spine and you shivered. Angela giggled against your lips before biting your bottom lip. You pulled away and stared into her eyes, “Angela I love you.” She beamed at you in the most adorable way possible before speaking, “I love you too Y/n.” She kissed your forehead and rested her chin on your cheek. “I guess this means you can have your Fleetwood Mac shirt back.” She spoke so casually and you pulled away from her in shock, “You still have my fucking shirt?” You yelled and smacked her arm. She laughed and jumped back, “It’s still on my bed.” The amount of happiness and love that coursed through your veins at the notion made you feel dizzy. A knock on the door ruined the moment and Anglea swallowed before opening it. A very nervous Chanse stood on the other side, “Is everything okay?” Angela nodded and you giggled. Chanse sighed in relief and put his hand on his forehead, “Thank fuck.” Angela laughed, and you joined her at the door. Her hand slid into your back pocket forcing you to slightly turn towards her. Chanse immediately clocked the body language and smiled, “Well when you two lovebirds are ready, Arasha wants to meet you Y/n.” You nodded and pulled away from Angela and followed him to the kitchen. Angela did a happy dance when you were out of sight and high-fived herself before leaving the office.
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cozy-the-overlord · 2 days
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Through Panes of Glass
Summary: A mission in an alternate timeline brings Loki face to face with a relic from his past. Against better judgment, he finds himself seeking out one far more dear.
Word Count: 1,435
Pairing: Loki x Sigyn
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A/N: So after months of writer's block and worsening mental health struggles, I suddenly got really inspired yesterday to write something based on "I Look In People's Windows." It's a really quick little thing, and I'm not sure if it will appeal to anyone but myself, but it feels incredibly good to have written something. Also, while this is technically series flavored, it really has nothing to do with it-- I just really liked the concept of Loki being in an alternate timeline, and the details of how and why he ended up there weren't very important to me.
Thank you so much for reading!!
Warnings: Grief/loss
Tags: @lucywrites02 @gaitwae @whatafuckingdumbass @the-emo-asgardian @imnotrevealingmyname @electroma89 @lokislittlesigyn @moumouton4 @theredrenard @justdontmindmetm @lostgreekgod @naterson
If you want to be tagged, feel free to send an ask/message :)
Read it on Ao3!
He found himself looking in windows.
A shameful act, he knew, but he tried to push through the abashment by telling himself that if the mortals cared about their privacy, they wouldn’t be living out their lives so readily in front of unobstructed glass. No, the houses on this street were all alight with life, the curtains drawn all the way back. It seemed as though it was meant to be.
He glanced through another and locked eyes with an elderly woman huddled in her chair beneath a cocoon of blankets, fixing him with a scowl as deep as the lines on her face. Loki whipped his gaze back to the pavement, cheeks burning as he hurried along.
He was wasting time. They had come to this timeline with a purpose, and that purpose was certainly not leering through windows with the hope of catching sight of a ghost. He was late to the rendezvous point as it was – it was only a matter of time before they sent someone looking for him. Loki knew this. And yet he kept going.
This wouldn’t have happened if they hadn’t met Fandral at that bar. It had startled him out of his laser focus – he understood the concept of variants, of course, but he hadn’t expected to find relics of his past here on Midgard, so far away from where they existed in his mind. But there he was: cozying up on the counter, his arms around a woman’s shoulders, that same Fandral smirk tickling his lips beneath his mustache as he whispered something against her skin that made her giggle. It was all so familiar.
Loki’s mind had gone blank. He forgot all sense of protocol, nearly calling out Fandral’s name out of some stunned instinct, but thankfully his partner had held him back with a sharp whisper.
“Different timeline, remember?”
And it was. This Fandral was not the one Loki knew from childhood – this was a mortal man, who spent his days tucked away in some florescent cubicled labyrinth and his nights skulking through the city in a fruitless search for stimulation, before dragging his weary bones back to his overpriced studio apartment to start the whole thing anew in the morning. Seeing him here meant nothing.
Except, if Fandral’s variant was in this city, could that mean …?
He didn’t let himself finish the thought. It was silly, he told himself, even as he continued flittering down the sidewalk like a moth in search of light. Absolutely ridiculous. One Asgardian-turned Midgardian variant didn’t guarantee that there would be another. And even if it did, even in the off chance that he did find her, what would he do once he had? She wouldn’t know him – it wouldn’t even be her, just some person with her face and name, none of her memories, none of her soul. What could he do but stare at her like some sort of lunatic?
But you’d see her, whispered a small voice in the back of his mind, you’d get to see her again.
Loki swallowed. The last time he saw her – it had been before the Bifrost. How many lifetimes had he lived since then? So much of his memory from that time had turned gray and hazy, but she still glowed when he pictured her, swathed in the gentlest blue, her chestnut curls soft beneath his chin as she pressed her cheek to his collarbone. She smelled of the forest, fresh and free and forever unfettered, but she bound herself to him with her embrace. He took her hand in his and cherished the way her ring pressed against his palm, warm with the heat of her body.  
Was it a memory, or perhaps only a dream? He huffed – a dream would hurt less. She had died after his fall. Some sort of illness – they all told him it was unrelated, but Loki knew in his heart that he had killed her. He had sworn to live out the rest of his life at her side, but instead he abandoned her to the wolves of his demons, left her to face the fallout alone.
No wonder the void hadn’t the mercy to kill him.
There was another house coming up, another window – a busy one, if the cars jammed into the driveway were anything to go by. Sure enough, he found a party behind the glass, and a fancy one at that, the air abuzz with wine glasses clinking and the elegant swish of long evening dresses. He could feel the warm hum of their laughter, trickling out even into this starless night. Loki gazed at each face that passed before him, praying for some hint of familiarity, but they were all strangers to him.
And that’s what she would be to him, he realized. Nothing but a stranger. Perhaps she had been so changed by this timeline that he wouldn’t know her face even if he were to come across it.
Loki sighed. The signpost designating the end of the street grew nearer and nearer. He had wasted nearly an hour now on this little side mission, and all he had to show for it was a newly potent ache in his chest. He needed to get to the rendezvous point. Enough shadow-chasing.
It was the house on the corner. He told himself it was the last one, he’d give himself this one last attempt and then he’d move on. He didn’t expect to see her.
But then he saw her.
Loki froze – truly froze. He couldn’t have run even if all the realms were chasing after him.
It was her.
Hunched over a sink, scrubbing at a skillet with a yellow sponge, dark curls tied up behind a blue bandanna, glaring down at her work with the same steadfast ferocity he remembered so vividly from sparring pits of his youth — it was her!
He breathed her name, whispered it like a prayer as he took the smallest step forward. The tip of his boot grazed her front lawn, but he barely noticed. She … she was beautiful. His eyes burned, then misted over, a garbled cry falling from his lips. She was there. She was moving, she was breathing, she was right there just behind the glass—
And then she looked up, and their eyes met.
His breath caught in his throat. He should have hurried away, should have left before she had the chance to catch a glimpse of him, but he felt rooted to the pavement, held captive by the power of her stare. Oh those eyes — how many nights had he dreamed of swimming in the amber pools of her eyes once more? He remembered her laying against him at night, the way he’d cup her head to kiss over each eyelid as she pulled him in closer and let out the sweetest sigh ever heard. For one beautiful moment, he looked into her eyes, and it was like coming home.
But then the moment passed. There was no recognition in her gaze, no warm smile or sweet relief. No, her brow only furrowed in confusion, head cocked as she studied this stranger gawking at her through her window, and the spell was broken. She might as well have doused him in ice water.
Because wish as he might, it wasn’t really her.
Loki stumbled backwards, nearly tripping over his own feet. What was he doing here? What must this woman think of him? How could he explain that he was leering at her through the glass because she looked like someone he once loved? What was it to her? His wife was dead. What did it matter that he had found her doppelgänger?
He whipped back towards the street. The rendezvous point. That’s where his focus should be, not on some dark Midgardian street chasing after nonexistent ghosts. Imbecile. He forced himself forward, forced his eyes on the pavement before him and not at the light he was leaving behind, biting through his cheek until he tasted blood.
She stood at the window a bit longer, frowning at the man’s silhouette as he disappeared around the corner of the street. Really, she should have been more unnerved – someone watching her from the window, that sounded like something out of a stalker story, didn’t it? – but there was something about him, the stunned disbelief in his eyes, the way he went running off like a frightened rabbit …
“Sigyn?” Her boyfriend stuck his head through the doorway. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “There was some guy staring at me.”
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cacaocheri · 7 months
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little doodle i did for myself bc when i got home i was so fucking drained
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ozymoron · 10 months
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forgot i drew this. hes girlblogging
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wis-art · 1 year
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i thought lesbians would think I'm an imposter or something because i have a boyfriend and i dont exactly look like a girl most of the time, turns out they love me and support me and what i do and appreciate my art.
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shirogane-oushirou · 2 months
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fighting off a little panic attack (yay yippee) and i'm soooooo tempted to start working on the poke!ren tag to keep myself distracted even though he's still so /gestures vaguely/ right now kJNSKJFNJK ARGH!!!!!!!
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opens-up-4-nobody · 3 months
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...
#i started the semester off with such a level head but ive walked myself further and further toward i ledge i can feel crumbling#out from under my feet. i sit in small rooms where i feel the stress radiating from my chest down into my limbs. disappating into the floor#it makes me want to run and run and run but im so tired and the sidewalk is icy slick. and i feel like im at the limits of my abilities#and i know every grad student has that worry but what if its true. that i have a void behind my eyes and not enough depth of thought#anywhere it matters. how am i supposed to operate in this system when i can barely string together the words to understand what im reading#and itll never be any easier. what if im at my functional limit? what if i caught fire and burned away to ashes? what if i screamed and#kept screaming until someone told me patch up the open wound in my chest? what if i just stopped?#what if i could just let go of any need to feel like i have a purpose? what if i could just live? and feel the wonder of the things around#me. let go of all my emptiness#move at a pace that isnt breaking my neck. feel anything close to joy or if that's too much to ask then let me at least feel stable. just#for a while. just a little while.#and i know itll b fine. and i know im just being whiny bc things are hard and theyve been hard and theyll always be hard bc i refuse to make#things easy. but i just feel like im standing alone on a beach where the water's been drawn too far back#and i can see it rushing toward me faster than i can run. im just waiting for the tsunami to wash me away to nothing#unrelated
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