#and i myself feel kind of stupid for being like this but i guess beating myself up won't help
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Kind of a rhetorical question and more of a vent but how do you get over having an "all or nothing" attitude because it's making it hard for me to not get upset and discouraged when I have to admit to myself that there's no guarantee we'll be able to live with the kind of dogs I'd like to have, mainly because of allergy issues. One notable thing about this is I'm pretty sure shepherds and herding dogs are like a special interest to me, on top of the "normal" interest I have in them if that makes sense, and that's why I struggle with the thought of potentially never having one so much. I know it's a good thing to expand your options and keep an open mind and research different breeds but part of me just doesn't want to because that means accepting that there's no guarantee of anything really, and that's what makes me want to give up the whole thing and stop caring entirely 🥲 even though that makes no sense.
#mine#i know this might sounds silly and immature but if you think so please keep that to yourself especially if you're not autistic yourself#because its hard to explain in the first place#i hate dealing with uncertainty and there's so much of it in this it's so fucking difficult sometimes#i like all dogs but some a lot more. and i dont really find it comparable#and i myself feel kind of stupid for being like this but i guess beating myself up won't help#expanding my options feels like giving up on what i want. but that's just life. but it feels like shit#and another thing is i honestly don't like the feeling of the coat poodles and other non shedding breeds have#so that's fun#im trying to get over all this but every time i try to and try to reason with myself i get upset#talking about it w my wife helps but it doesnt really change how i feel overall#bleh.
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Tell Me Sweet Little Lies Part 2
Part 1 | Now on AO3
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When Eddie's almost fourteen, he gets Of course I can handle it by myself, and he wants desperately to know what his soulmate is lying about being able to handle - wants desperately to tell his soulmate that he doesn't have to do it by himself, that Eddie's right here.
The summer of '80, a few weeks before he's due to start high school, Eddie gets I don't think of you all that often anyway, and his heart jumps. He knows it's not directed at him. It can't be - it's one of the hardfast rules.
Lies of omission don't count, half truths don't count, joking usually doesn't count, and it only counts if you're saying the lie to someone, not just telling yourself. So whoever his soulmate is talking to - they do think about this person often, even if they feel like they have to pretend they don't.
But it gives Eddie an idea.
"I don't think about my soulmate very much," he tells Uncle Wayne the next morning.
Wayne raises one eyebrow at him, and Eddie - realizes he didn't exactly think this through, did he?
"I just-" he starts, then stops, realizing that if he lies, it'll show up on his soulmate's skin, and that kind of ruins the grand statement he was trying to make. "I wanted them to know."
Wayne's expression softens. He doesn't say anything about the fact that Eddie had said them and not her, he just claps him on the shoulder and ruffles his hair.
"You're a good kid," he says gruffly, as Eddie bats him away.
Two days later, Eddie sees, Oh, yeah, same. I don't believe you can miss your soulmate before you've even met them.
He doesn't even try to put a damper on his elation. Instead, he rushes out to where Uncle Wayne is watching TV, some old Western, and says, "I don't miss my soulmate, either."
Uncle Wayne looks startled, but he must guess what's going on when he sees Eddie twisting around to examine his arms and bare torso, because he just gives a grunt in response.
It's stupid to think you understand someone just because you know what lies they tell.
Eddie feels like his heart is beating out of his chest, and he's smiling so wide it almost hurts. "I haven't felt like I understand my soulmate. I don't get some of the things on my skin."
Uncle Wayne is looking at him a little more closely. "You sure this is what you want?"
Eddie waves him off, holding his breath as he waits.
I don't get it, man, don't look at me for answers.
"I don't want to keep talking to my soulmate."
There's a long wait after that, so long that Eddie starts to think that was it. But about a half an hour later, hope to see you soon appears just below his ribcage, and Eddie's blooming all over with happiness.
Sucks for the person that his soulmate was talking to, of course, since they were clearly lying about wanting to see them soon, but he knows that they chose that particular phrasing because they wanted Eddie to see it. His stupid idea worked, and he's not going to stop it now.
His soulmate seems to be of the same opinion, because the pseudo conversation keeps up.
Eddie tells Uncle Wayne that he hates reading, that he never wants to see a guitar again, that his favorite season isn't winter, that he knows how to swim and isn't terrified of learning, that he hates spicy food and white chocolate and floral teas and strong coffee and butterflies, that he loves pop music and pastel colors and silverfish.
It gets him a few new books, a second hand acoustic guitar - and, unfortunately, swimming lessons - but it also gets him a wealth of information about his soulmate. He learns that his soulmate likes autumn best, that he's been swimming since before he could walk, that he plays the piano, that he likes spicy food, too, but he prefers dark chocolate and hot apple cider, that he loves cricket bugs but hates house centipedes, that he's not allowed to read comic books anymore but he misses them.
Eddie wonders who his soulmate talks to, when they do this. Uncle Wayne will at least have enough of a half assed conversation with him to support him gaming the system, but his soulmate's replies are usually stilted enough that he can tell it's not the same. They're suited for a different conversation, only related to what Eddie said if he looks for it.
It makes him imagine his soulmate sitting up at night talking on the phone with a friend, trying to hold two conversations at once, thinking carefully about his phrasing - all for Eddie. He can't help the way it makes him feel so much less alone, makes him feel special.
Eddie's extra cautious about telling lies, now that he and his soulmate are talking, and he likes to think his soulmate is doing the same.
They both slip up sometimes, though, and Eddie gets pretty good at figuring out what was meant for him and what wasn't. He gets things like I don't think you're sending me some very mixed signals, here and right, that makes it very clear and I won't be careful that he never responds to, figuring they're actually meant for whoever he's talking to and not for Eddie.
It makes slogging through his first year of high school much more interesting, at least.
"No ma'am, I'm not bored by the way you teach math," he tells his math teacher with a winning smile.
I find the way you teach history as a list of facts and dates for us to memorize very important.
"I don't wonder how we're supposed to retain all of this and regurgitate it on command."
It's stupid to make little songs out of the things you're supposed to remember, it doesn't help at all.
Really, his soulmate is so cute Eddie can never keep himself from grinning when he gets a response.
He never wants to stop.
Taglist (hopefully this works right!): @vampireinthesun @koibug @estrellami-1 @mentalcyborg @allbimyself26 @questionablequeeries @the-s-is-silent @whimsicalwitchm @a-gae-af-racoon @tinyplanet95 @n0-1-important @velocitytimes2 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @newtstabber @jcmadgirl @tartarusknight @roblingoblin285 @lexyvey
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Part 3
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# reluctant to love
desc: in which rin writes a long essay proclaiming his long suppressed love for you
warnings: not proofread… lots of rambling, maybe ooc, itoshi brothers are not estranged, minuscule amount of angst but majority is fluff, some curse words here and there, rin is still at blue lock btw!
rbs and interactions are appreciated !!
————————————————————————
‘dear y/n,
i am writing this letter to inform you that i have taken a liking to you for a while now and would like to—‘
————————————————————————
rin grumbles to himself as he scribbles out the complete trash of a confession that he had just wrote.
he doesn’t even know why he decided to take this approach at all. it all started because isagi and bachira told him that, “he was beating around the bush,” and “he’d probably win the world cup before being able to utter a word in front of them.”
so of course, rin said some very harsh words in response, leading to isagi challenging him to confess to you before the next match (that was in 72 hours) with his football career on the line.
which is how he found himself sitting at his desk after practice, spinning his pencil around trying to write a stupid love letter for his best friend.
because in the words of bachira, “everyone loves poetic men!”
despite immediately denying the words of his friends, deep down he knew damn well that they were completely right. if he wasn’t forced to, he would probably quit football before ever speaking about his feelings out loud.
but because the itoshi rin can’t risk his ego and pride, he’s reluctantly willing to write a silly letter.
turns out writing that silly letter was harder than any football game he’s ever played.
————————————————————————
‘dear y/n,
i remember the first time we met.
it was first day of junior high, and you were sitting on a bench in front of the school with red puffy eyes, fiddling with the little kumamon plush on your bag.
i was late to class that morning, and after seeing you i purposely tried to walk faster in order to avoid any human interaction. but you saw me and grabbed onto my blazer, refusing to let go even though i didn’t spare you a glace. you asked for help getting to your classroom, and because i didn’t know what i was getting myself into, i lead you there (like the kind person i am) expecting to never see you again.
but i guess the world had other plans, because it turned out we were in the same class. you stuck to me like a parasite, annoying me every chance you got and never shutting the fuck up. but i enjoyed the company, though younger me would never admit that.
fast forward a few years and nothings changed. or has it? you’re still yapping your mouth off all the time and clinging beside me in every class. except something’s different, and i don’t know what it is. you laze around at my house after begging me for homework help, we occasionally go get food, sometimes fall asleep together and— [this part is illegible because rin drew over it too hard]
i don’t know. i think around this time i started distancing myself from you because i always felt uneasy around you. my heart was always beating rapidly, my stomach felt uneasy, and i just felt anxious. all the time. nii-chan told me it was because of you, so i just stopped talking to you. i’m sorry.
i’m sorry i didn’t tell you i was leaving. that i’d be gone for a while because i got scouted by blue lock. i didn’t mean to because i thought i’d be okay before i left. sorry i’m rambling now. i know i don’t speak a lot in person so i’m writing my thoughts down for you to understand me better.
i was a kid in denial, and sometimes i still am because even now i don’t understand that part of myself. to be honest, i would’ve never confessed these feelings of mine if my friend didn’t push me to. it sounds like a dick move but i swear on my career that everything i’ve written on this stupid paper is genuine and sincere.
and what i am certain of is that i want you to be by my side. i want you to be there cheering for me when i win a game, i want you to be there beside me when i wake up, i want you to spend your afternoons lazing around me, i want you to tell me all about the small unnecessary details of your day,
i just want you
because you make me feel safe
————————————————————————
rin’s biting his lower lip now, feeling super embarrassed about how vulnerable he just let himself be on a piece of paper. he doesn’t read over it at all and shoves it into the envelope immediately. doesn’t even check whether he wrote your address right or not because he’ll chicken out if he looks it over at all.
he’s super anxious about this letter, to the point where he’s fucking up his plays, so imagine his surprise when he sees you sitting on his porch the day he finally gets to go home.
you jump up immediately at the sight of him and run to hug him. rin stiffens at the sudden impact but drops his bags a second later to sink into your embrace.
though as if that wasn’t enough of an answer for him, he’s still uncertain about your feelings. you hear the rapid beating of his heart and look up to give him a lovesick grin.
“i love you too, itoshi rin.”
BONUS: 2YRS LATER.
“i can’t believe you forgot to sign off a letter confessing that you’re head over heels for me.” you giggle as you walk over to your boyfriend, who was staring at his letter that you pinned to your pegboard. “what if i ended up responding to the wrong person?”
rin huffs and turns away, embarrassed that you caught him reading that. “shut up, you have no other friends anyways.”
you smile teasingly at him as you notice his ears turning red. “you never thought about the possibility that someone could’ve liked me during the 10 months you ignored me for?”
he frowns, though you can’t see him, and droops his shoulders down. you know he still feels bad about it, but it’s fun to tease him because in your eyes he looks so adorable, like a big puppy.
and as he still stares at the floor, he turns around and walks over to envelop you in his warmth, resting his head in the crook of your neck.
an endearing smile finds its way on your face as you hug rin back. he’s not a words person; this was his way of expressing his apology.
“it’s okay, you big baby, as long as you’re here with me now.”
#first time writing for rin!!!!#i think this is very badly written ngl my grammar is everywhere hahahahahahahhaha#it’s kinda cute tho lol i feel like rin is such a loser even tho he’s super fine#anyways enjoy ily#itoshi rin#itoshi rin x reader#blue lock#blue lock x reader#itoshi rin fluff#itoshi rin x y/n#blue lock drabbles#bllk scenarios#rin x reader#blue lock fluff
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Ok ok another thing about Siffrin and his past
I really like that little detail of Siffrin having dyed his hair in the past. Because you go to the king recognizing them as a fellow countryman partially by hair color (or shade, I guess LOL) which makes it clear that it's fairly unique to their country/rare otherwise. And both the King and Siffrin noting again and again how welcoming Vaugarde is, and what first comes off as just "Siffrin tried dark hair and decided eh, grow it back out" is like. "How much grief did Siffrin get in other countries for strange clothes and hair and forgetfulness and he could at least fix the hair and then he gets to Vaugarde and people are so welcoming to strangers that he gets to visit people's homes, even if it's just the first room, and the strange clothes are probably just noted as interesting, and when some bright strands start poking out too much people just point them out as interesting instead of bad and he realized he didn't have to hide it anymore."
ok tangent. But also related. The majority of the party is Vaugardian and defending their home. Even Odile is half-Vaugardian, though her motivation is probably just searching for a familytale and then "whoops I got attached to these two-barely-adults, I need to make sure they don't do something stupid". And as Odile and Isa and Mirabelle are traveling to fix the curse they just so happen to find Siffrin helping them to take out a strong Sadness. They say the King's Curse started a year ago and that Siffrin met Mirabelle "months" ago which...really leaves a lot of leeway on if that's like 3 months or 11 but still, they probably at least had time to book it out of the country if they wanted to. And they didn't and instead they just see 3 people fighting a strong Sadness and are like "sure I'm getting myself involved here" and then "sure let's go beat the king" instead of "uh, no, I don't have any ties here, I want to go somewhere I don't risk being frozen forever" that it's like...even before getting attached to the party itself, Siffrin had gotten attached to Vaugarde as a country, hadn't they, for the same reason as the King. Like. If they hadn't met Mirabelle, and the curse had kept spreading. Were they going to risk being frozen in a country that had been kind to them rather than go try somewhere else? How many places did they go to and feel alienated in?
#siffrin#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#...am I going to write pre-meeting siffrin#NEW YEAR NEW BLORBO??? lol
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AITA for distancing myself from my partner?
I, (17NB) and my partner (17NB) had a rough year. Thier family is super religious, and so is the place we live in, and we've had many fears about being outed. My family is less religious and I mostly raise myself so admittedly he's a lot more paranoid, and rightfully so I'd say. But ever since we've started dating I've had to ask them multiple times to improve thier communication.
To start off, I wish they were upfront, or atleast more firm about us breaking up, atleast in the first year. That wouldve solved a lot of heartbreak if they didn't want to be with me.
They dodged the question of physical intimacy of literally anything more than holding hands or cuddling multiple times, and yet mentioned they were ace offhandedly to a friend instead of giving me a straight answer (which I wouldve been fine with, I just wish they told me.) They tend to get angry quite easily and resort to snappish/ short answers, and, especially since them having a conversation with thier mom questioning thier sexuality, tend to abhor the smallest inkling of physical contact or sign that we're together, even if we're around friends who know, or alone.
After the conversation with thier mom, they asked to break up, but i basically pleaded for another chance and they agreed. I know it's my own fault at some point for beating a dead horse, but I recently had a conversation that kind of snapped the rose-tinted glasses right off.
We were discussing our futures, and there's a somber agreement neither of us will see each other again after school. Thats not what I'm upset about. They described having kids in a hetero marriage and joking to thier kids about the "wild" stuff they got up to in highschool like experimenting in a queer relationship, basically saying our entire 3 years of dating was a fluke or joke or experiment.
I realised this was the straw that broke the camel's back, they didn't really initiate or seem as eager as me about the sparse times we could go out alone together, they gave me a half finished craft I had to sew myself while I gave a painting for valentine's day, and various examples of bad communication. They're a good friend, I'm not so sure about partner.
So, I'm kinda trying to stop this year. I stopped frantically calling in school and rearranging lessons to be with them, I didnt spam text or think about making any gifts so far, I asked to have a..spicy experience with a friend or two (that my partner agreed with me doing). In my head I guess I told myself that we might call ourselves partners but the word just lost its meaning for us both.
So far, it's okay. It hurts, because it seems more like we're just friends instead of dating, but I want to focus on myself and my studies to get out of our really conservative area. Still, I feel guilty and a little resentful. I know I should've just accepted breaking up, but we're kinda codependant. They and I both know we can't be without each other.
They love me so much, I know that. They've done so so much for me and dragged me out of a horrible place pretty much single-handedly, they're just not great at communicating or emotional maturity. Also, they seem to think queer people go to hell in some self-imposed notion of religious guilt, and when I express resentment towards religions that push homophobia on thier followers they seem weirdly defensive of it.
For context, I have BPD (my partner has, for a long time being my 'favourite person') and what I'm reluctant to call "severe" trauma but it's been described as that. I'm genuinly curious to know if this is a result of some upbringing-induced overreaction or if its okay to just kinda give up on my own relationship. Yes, I'm aware that the best thing would be to break up but I dont think I could ever leave them, for some stupid reason.
What are these acronyms?
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Whispers of the night - Lloyd Garmadon x reader
Part 1 - previous - next
Your POV:
Finally I wasn’t grounded anymore, and then my friends just could not hang out, now if that isn’t unfair, I don’t know what is.
The only option I had, was a specific blondie in my contact.
You
Blondie
Can you hang out?
I’m bored
01.34 pm Seen
You
Blondie?
Hellooo
01.37 pm seen
You
Are you ignoring me :(
01.45 pm delivered
You
Lloyd?
01.55 pm delivered
I waited for ten more minutes, feeling rather upset that he was just ignoring me like that. When I looked back at me phone, he had read the messages and hadn’t replied, though he was still online.
You
Are you upset with me?
Did I do something wrong?
02.07 pm seen
You
Guess I’ll go to the library by myself:/
02.09 pm delivered
Half an hour later, I was sat at the table in the library, nose deep in a true crime book that had recently come out.
I think about an hour past when I heard a message come in on my phone. I picked it up and opened the message.
Blondie
Hey, sorry for not messaging back!
Send 03.27
I started typing on the keyboard before deleting my message and putting my phone back on the table, trying to focus on my book as my phone kept delivering messages.
After three minutes I couldn’t help but open them.
Blondie
You still wanna hang out?
N/n?
Sent 03.28 pm
Blondie
I saw you type?
Sent 03.29 pm
Blondie
Are you mad at me?):
Sent 03.30 pm
Blondie
I can see that you’re online
Hellooo
I’m sorryyy
just now
I put my phone back on the table with a small huff and was about to turn back to my book when my phone rang.
I rushed to grab it in the silent library and quickly looked at the screen.
Incoming call from Blondie…
I hung up and put it back down on the table, melting away because of the stares people gave me after that rude interruption of the silence.
My phone started to get messages again and I turned the sound off, not feeling like replying, still being mad.
Twenty minutes later, curiosity got the best of me and I took my phone in my hands.
Three missed calls from Blondie
8 unread messages
With a sigh I opened the messages and took a look.
Blondie
Y/n? I’m sorryy, can you pick up?
Sent 03.33 pm
Blondie
Are you mad at me?
I promise I will explain myself :(
N/nnn
Sent 03.35 pm
Blondie
Fuck that, I’m calling you again
Sent 03.37 pm
Blondie
For fucks sake.
Alright, library you said right?
I’m heading there right now.
Sent 03.41 pm
The last message was about ten minutes ago, he could be here any moment…
He wouldn’t really come right? No he wouldn’t, he didn’t even answer my messages and I dodn’t need to hear his stupid excused anyway.
I continued reading my book and about five minutes in, I completely forgot about the message he had sent me about stopping by.
Well, guess what? I was dead wrong. He was not bluffing when he said he’d show up.
Suddenly, someone sat down next to me and I looked up to be met with a pair of green eyes. I narrowed mine and turned back to my book.
“Awe, come on, N/n, I’m sorry,” he said lowering his head slightly to try and continue our eye contact.
I didn’t reply and turned a page, not looking at him as I started to read on.
“Hey, don’t be like this, just let me explain,” he pouted trying to take my hand in his but I recoiled, making me look him in the eyes.
He gave me a light hearted smile. And I scowled at him, making the smile disappear slightly. “Darling, please listen to me,” he said and I could feel my heart start to beat faster at the nickname, though I tried not to let him notice.
He did try to bite back a smirk, so I think he somehow saw trough my poker-face.
I sighed and gave him a look that said ‘explain’ and he quickly took the chance.
“So, I was at work, and my phone just laid on a table, and then you messaged me and I opened it, but then I had to do something else and my phone was marking your messages as seen’ until it fell out, and when I was about to reply something else happened so I had to walk away again and then I kind of forgot you messaged me,” he said and I was contemplating on answering.
“Where do you work?” I asked and he seemed surprised before quickly answering. “Oh uhh, there’s a Dojo not far away from here, I teach the kids sometimes.” He said and I bit my lip for a moment contemplating his answer.
He saw my hesitation and lit up for a moment. “I’ll buy you some chocolate,” he said and a smile creeped onto my face.
“Forgiven,” I said and he grinned triumphantly.
Lloyd POV
When I got home from my mission, I had casually tossed my phone on my bed and taken a shower.
Only when I laid on my bed to chill for a moment, was when I noticed the unread messages.
Shit, I had completely ignored Y/n while on my mission. I had meant to answer her messages, but Pixel, who was guiding me trough the building, was not amused.
“Lloyd, I would prefer it if you put your phone away, you can text your girlfriend after the mission.” She had said and I had heard Jay and Cole laughing in the background.
I quickly answered her texts, which she ignored, making me feel bad, she was definitely mad at me.
When she didn’t answer my calls either, I texted her one last time and headed towards the library.
When I arrived, I spotted her reading a book at a table. She didn’t notice me yet, so I sat next to her, making her look up at me.
When she saw me, her face hardened slightly and she looked back at her book, turning a page as her eyes scanned the page.
“Awe come on, N/n, I’m sorry,” I pouted slightly and lowered my head to meet her eyes, but she avoided me.
“Hey, don’t be like this, just let me explain,” I tried to take her hand but she pulled away from me, it did force her to look at me, even though it was with a scowl, making my smile falter slightly.
“Darling, please listen to me,” I said and I then heard her heart start to beat faster, making the ghost of a grin appear on my face.
Even though I loved calling her that, maybe I should leave the nicknames to the green ninja.
She proceeded to give me a look that told me to explain so I did- sort if, I lied, but not completely, because I didn’t leave her on read on purpose after all.
I had made up a fake excuse on my way here, so that was not a problem. She did catch me of guard when she asked me where I worked though, so I quickly made up a lie.
Dareth wouldn’t mind if I said I worked at his Mojo Dojo, I suppose.
She bit her lip, contemplating on forgiving me, but after promising her some chocolate, I was quickly forgiven, making relief float trough my body.
After she finally finished the chapter of her book, I took her to get some chocolate and then we headed to the park.
“The grass is wet,” I said as she sat down under the tree that was slowly loosing its leaves.
“Awe, is little Lloyd scared for some wet grass?” She pouted at me mockingly and I rolled my eyes. “Are you really going to act like that?” I asked as she took a bite of the chocolate bar she had chosen.
When she had chosen it, I couldn’t help finding her cute as she headed for the cash register like a giddy pinguïn who just caught a fish.
“Well, if you’re going to be scared about damp grassing then yes, I am.” She said and I chuckled and sat down.
She offered me some chocolate with a smile and declined. “It’s all yours,” I said, tempted to add a princess, but deciding that maybe, to not create suspicion, I should not call her the same things as the green ninja.
We leaned against the tree, and while she ate her chocolate, she pointed out people, she told me what she’d name them and why, she made up a life story about them and my smile grew as she rambled on.
“Hey! Lloyd!” We both looked up at someone shouting my name. I saw Nya approach us and I narrowed my eyes slightly as she gave me a innocent smile.
She had definitely used my tracker to find me and meet Y/n.
“Hey, Nya,” I said and she looked at the girl next to me, who looked at her with her lips slightly agape.
“Holy shit,” she said. “It’s you!” She stood up with a giddy smile, making Nya and me both look surprised.
“You went to Ninjago High like- two years ago right? Your Nya Smith?” She asked and Nya nodded with a small smile.
“Me and my friends love you so much!” Y/n jumped up and down in excitement. “Like, when we where in our first year, you flipped off Mr. Taylor and we became like- obsessed!” She said and Nya laughed.
“I remember that! I did get a weeks worth of detention though,” she shrugged and Y/n waved her hand slightly. “Well, it was worth it right?” She asked and Nya nodded with a grin.
“You where the one that fought that kid- Brown was it? Last week, right?” She asked making Y/n nod excitedly.
“Yes! He did deserve it though,” she quickly added and at that point, I was just completely ignored as the two girls got into an excited conversation with each other.
Suddenly Nya’s phone beeped and we exchanged looks as she looked at her screen. “Well, it looks like I have to get going, I’ll see you another time, right?” She asked making Y/n nod. “Definitely, Lloyd can text you my number,” she said.
“My friends will be so jealous when I say I met, and talked to you!” She added making Nya laugh. “I’ll have to meet them aswel sometime, then,” she said before waving and leaving the two of us be.
“I feel left out,” I said and she laughed at me before sitting back down and leaning her head on my shoulder, making my blush ever so slightly.
Your POV
Lloyd suggested we get some pizza and I excitedly agreed, sending a quick text in the family group chat that I was eating out and I’d be home late.
“Alright, so I’m going to ask you a very important question, alright?” Lloyd started and I looked up at him with a small hum. “Pineapple on pizza, yes or no?” He asked and I shrugged.
“Well I couldn’t give two flying fucks if someone would like pineapple on their pizza, everyone is always complaining and for what? I mean, if you like it, that’s fine, enjoy, you don’t like it? Then don’t eat it and be done with it.” I said and he grinned approvingly.
“Amazing,” he said making em chuckle. “Jay, Cole and Kai always get mad when I say I like pineapple on pizza.” He said and I rolled my eyes.
“Jay, Cole and Kai need to grow the fuck up.” I said and he laughed. “And you? Do you like pineapple on pizza?” He asked and I chuckled.
“No idea, I never tried it,” I said and he looked a bit offended. “Why not?” He asked. “I’m allergic to pineapple,” I said and his eyebrows rose.
“Are you sure? You think it’s because of the weird feeling it gives your tongue? Because that has e very logical explanation!” He said and I laughed.
“No, I know the pineapple also eats you as you eat it,” I said with a grin, “but I don’t think it’s supposed to cut off your airway,” I said and he let out an amused chuckle. “No I don’t thinks it’s supposed to do that.”
In the restaurant, we had our food and after a long discussion, we decided on splitting the bill.
As we where gathering our stuff two elderly woman walked past and smiled at us “you two are such a cute couple,” one of them said and we both blushed.
“O-oh, no, we are just friends,” I quickly said and the other frowned. “Are you sure?” She asked confused and Lloyd chuckled. “Pretty sure, yes,” he said and the two women exchanged look.
“Such a bummer, you would make an amazing couple.” The first one said before they made their leave.
Me and Lloyd exchanged an awkward glance before I quickly looked down and started rummage trough my bag as if looking for something, fishing my phone out as excuse and looking at imaginary messages.
“Shall we leave, then?” He asked and I smiled at him and gave a small nod. We left the restaurant and walked trough the cold night streets.
Lloyds phone buzzed and he looked at the screen, his face falling as he read a message. “Seems like I need to get going,” he said to me making me pout. “Are you leaving me behind?” I asked and he gave me a soft smile.
“Don’t you look at me like that, I’ll see you somewhere else this week,” he promised before waving his phone around. “Just text me!” He said before winking and leaving me in the street.
Seems like I’ll be heading to my favourite roof.
I walked the other way, slowly walking further into the city to find the shop that had closed about two years ago, no one ever opened something new after.
I climbed the wall and sat crossed legged on the flat roof, looking up at the sky. Sadly the stars weren’t visible because of the clouds, I hoped it wouldn’t rain again…
I took my headphones out of my bag and connected them to my phone, blasting my playlist on repeat.
After about an hour my phone buzzed and l looked at the screen to see a message from my dad, a new one following soon after.
I opened it and my stomach fell.
Father dears
Y/n, where are you?
We need you to come home now, something happened.
You
Dad? What’s going on, is everything alright?
Father dears
Where are you?
You
Maplestreet, why?
Father dears
I’m sending the driver now
Stay where you are
You
Dad what’s going on?
Father dears
I’ll explain when your home, keep your guard up and protect yourself whatever it takes.
You
Dad, you’re scaring me
Father dears
It’ll be fine sweetie, the driver should be there in ten.
I climbed of the roof of the building and soon enough our driver arrived. I entered the car and he looked around before speeding away.
“Henry, what’s going on?” I asked and he looked at me trough the rearvieuw mirror. “Your father has not enclosed much information, I only have orders to get you home as fast as possible madam.” He said.
When we were home I got out of the car and was lead to the door by both of our security guards.
At the door I was met with my parents who pulled me into their arms.
“What’s going on?” I demanded to know. “We got a letter today.” My father handed me a small piece of paper
Dear Mr and Miss L/n
Any idea where your eldest daughter is right at this moment? Probably not, we do, we have eyes everywhere at all times.
Consider this a threat, do anything out of line and she will pay the prize.
Kind regards, A
“What the hell? What do the mean ‘do anything out of line’? Why are they so vague?” I asked and my father shrugged while tears ran down my mother’s cheeks.
“We don’t know who this is or what they want, but we need you to stay here for the time being, Henry will drive you to school every day and Malcolm will be somewhere in the school building at all times, being your personal bodyguard for the time being” My dad said and I shook my head.
“Hey! That’s not fair, I don’t need security, I can protect myself!” I argued and my father just shook his head. “We can’t take any risks. I already contacted the police, they will stop by tomorrow and confiscate the letter.” He said and I sighed and put my hands on my head.
“This is insane,” I said in disbelief and my father laid his hands on my shoulders. “It’ll be fine, Sweetie, I’ll take bigger security measures somewhere this week.”
I was then send upstairs to head to bed, I could hear my parents talk downstairs, mum was still crying…
I laid awake for almost the whole night.
Who sent the letter? What did they want? What would they do to me? What did my father mean with bigger security measures?
How did my day went from having fun with my crush- I mean, friend, to being threatened and having a security guard outside of my bedroom door?
#ninjago x reader#ninjago city#ninjago lloyd x reader#lloyd garmadon x reader#ninjago lloyd#lloyd garmadon#kai smith#nya smith#zane julien#cole brookstone x reader#cole brookstone
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Perspective's Sentence Starters; The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess by Chappell Roan (Part I)
FEMININOMENON
Same old story, time again.
Got so close but then you lost it.
Should've listened to your friends.
You sent him pictures and playlists and phone sex.
Let's get coffee.
Let's meet up.
I'm so sick of online love.
I don't understand, why can't any man...
Can you play a song with a fucking beat?
Make a bitch go on and on.
It's a femininomenon.
So, let's say it's working out.
You pretend to love his mother.
He's such a goddamn good lover.
Got what you wanted, so stop feeling sorry.
You know what I mean.
You know what you need.
But does it happen?
RED WINE SUPERNOVA
She was a playboy.
She showed me things I didn't know.
She did it right there out on the deck.
I'm in the hallway waitin' for ya.
I just want you to make a move.
Slow down, sit down.
I just wanna get to know ya.
Guess I didn't quite think it through.
Fell in love with the thought of you.
Baby, why don't you come over?
Let's pick it up now.
I don't care that you're a stoner.
I like what you like.
It's my type.
Want me to fuck you?
I will 'cause I really want to.
I've got a California king.
Okay, maybe it's a twin bed.
Don't worry, we're cool.
I heard you like magic.
I've got a wand and a rabbit.
Let's get freaky.
AFTER MIDNIGHT
Nothing good happens when it's late and you're dancing alone.
It's not attractive wearing that dress and red lipstick.
This is what I wanted.
This is what I like.
I've been a good girl for a long time.
I like flirting.
Can't be a good girl even if I tried.
I'm feeling kinda freaky.
Maybe it's the club lights.
I kinda wanna kiss your girlfriend if you don't mind.
I love a little drama.
Everything good happens after midnight.
Maybe it's the moonlight.
Let's watch the sunrise.
I really want your hands on my body.
That’s my type of fun.
That's my kind of party.
Baby, put your hands up.
Be a freak in the club.
COFFEE
Can't meet you for dinner.
It's where I met your family.
Some words were exchanged.
We know where that leads.
I'll meet you for coffee.
I know that's a lie.
If I didn't love you, it would be fine.
Nowhere else is safe.
Every place leads back to your place.
He said let's do the park.
God forbid it gets dark.
I'd rather feel something than nothing at all.
We've done this before.
I don't need it anymore.
Let's not do coffee.
Let's not even try.
It's better we leave it.
It's never just coffee.
CASUAL
My friends call me a loser.
I'm still hanging around.
I've heard so many rumors.
I'm just a girl that you bang on your couch.
I thought you thought of me better.
We're not together.
Baby, no attachment.
Is it casual now?
I know what you tell your friends.
Get me off again.
I love being stupid.
Dream of us in a year.
Maybe we'd have an apartment.
It's hard being casual.
I try to be the chill girl that holds her tongue and gives you space.
I try to be the chill girl but honestly, I'm not.
You wonder why I'm bitter?
I get off when you hit it.
I hate to tell the truth.
I'm sorry dude you didn't.
I hate that I let this drag on so long.
I hate myself.
You can go to hell.
SUPER GRAPHIC ULTRA MODERN GIRL
Never waste a Friday night on a first date.
But there I was, In my heels with my hair straight.
This man wouldn't dance.
He didn't ask a single question.
He was wearing these fugly jeans.
It doesn't matter though.
He doesn't have what it takes to be with a girl like me.
I know what I want
I'm through with all these hyper mega bummer boys like you.
I need a super graphic ultra modern girl like me.
Look at her moving.
She's the one
Oh yeah, I need a super graphic ultra modern girl like me
Get up off your feet.
Get up on that bar.
Flash the camera.
You're a star.
HOT TO GO!
I could be the one.
It's all in my head.
I don't want the world.
Who can blame a girl?
Call me hot, not pretty
Baby, do you like this beat?
I made it so you'd dance with me.
You can take me hot to go.
I try not to care but it hurts my feelings.
You don't have to stare, comе here, get with it.
No one's touched me there in a damn hot minute.
I made it so you'd sleep with me.
What's it take to get your number?
What's it take to bring you home?
Hurry up, it's time for supper.
Order up, I'm hot to go.
Hurry up, it's getting cold.
Whew, it's hot in here.
Is anyone else hot?
You coming home with me?
I'll call the cab.
#rp sentence starters#rp sentence meme#rp sentence prompts#sentence starters#sentence meme#sentence prompts#lyric sentence starters#lyric starters#music starters#rp meme#rp memes#rp prompts#ask meme#exodusmusing#*mystarters#*trafoamp
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grub snippet
“Right.” Cub looked amused, “I guess that means you’ve made plans then?”
“Of course I’ve made plans!” Grian straightened up, pleased, and flared his wings to show them off, feathers recently preened and painstakingly brushed through. It took a moment for him to catch the undertones of Cub’s words, the hint of disappointment behind the question. “I- I mean unless you had any ideas! I’m very flexible.”
“Oh, it’s nothing much, really. I was just curious about that government building all the superheroes file in and out of, y’know. Where you and HotGuy have been working out? You said a lot of stuff was centralized there, right? Tailors and such for costuming, private gyms and break rooms, weapon smiths.. anything a hero could need, really.” Cub shrugged, a lazy, deliberate smile crossing his face, the kind of expression Grian only saw on Cub when he was about to suggest something stupid or illegal.
“Okay..”
“You think they have gunpowder? I mean, I’m sure they do, but I’m also looking for other minerals, dyes, things along those lines. I bought the casings already, but I was just thinking, your place probably has an abundance of the stuff I need, and I doubt they’d notice if a few things went missing.”
So stupid AND illegal today. “Cub, are you asking me to steal extremely shady materials from a government facility for you.”
“Of course not. You don’t know what I’m looking for exactly, and you don’t have the tact for this sort of thing. I’m asking you to bring me with you so I can steal shady materials from a government facility.”
Grian was suddenly forced to reconsider every denial of his feelings for Cub at therapy today in one fell swoop. He barely had the words to speak, the revelation making his mouth run dry. “That sounds very illegal, Cub. They don’t even like me there, I don’t know if that’s a great idea at this point in time.” There was no rejection or denial under Grian’s voice, only some sort of lovesick fascination, the kind of feelings he always felt when he remembered Cub was easily just as fucked in the head as he was.
“I don’t think we’ll have any issues. If I’m being honest, I’m sure you’re far from the only bad tempered hero in their roster. They probably hate everyone who goes in and out of that place. I was thinking you get me in as your private scientist, assistant, whatever. I make you shit. And if they push back, you give them hell. You’re probably high profile enough to get what you want, right? Or maybe you should be nice instead. They might appreciate that. Or they might be suspicious. It doesn’t matter. I bought a lab coat and everything.”
“You- seriously?”
“Well I wanted one anyway, and I thought I might need it. You’ve got a job now, so I figured I’d treat myself.”
“Lab coats can not be that expensive- actually, don’t respond to that. I don’t want to know. I do want to know what you’re planning on doing with gunpowder though. You’re not making bombs, are you?”
“Not like, big bombs.”
“Cub!”
“I want to make fireworks. I want to try. How much do you know about fireworks, Grian? They’re really very cool. I’ve been watching all sorts of videos; went all the way down the rabbit hole. They’re awesome, man. I gotta try. I gotta.”
“You. Are going to lose all of your fingers. Possibly your arms.”
Cub didn’t miss a beat. “Technology is crazy, I bet they can sew that shit right back on.”
“Not if you blow yourself up!”
“I probably won’t blow myself up. I’m assuming that’s a ‘no’ then for working on this in the apartment.” Cub smirked, and Grian could only gape stupidly for a few moments, utterly shocked.
“You absolutely can not play with explosives in our apartment!”
“Gotcha,” Cub laughed, and Grian groaned into his hands, dragging them all the way down his face.
just a wip I wanted to share. I’m having a bad day so I just wanted to post a little something. If you’re interested in the rest of the story you can read it on ao3 here
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Hii,,, hope I'm not bothering you too much. I've been a really big fan of your writing for a couple of months now. You don't have to respond to my ask if it makes you uncomfortable, I understand.
I'm someone who easily falls into paranoia spirals, and constantly second guesses whether my behaviour is socially appropriate since I have such a hard time reading a room. I have a habit of unknowingly stepping over the line when I get excited and thus making people uncomfortable, and only being aware of it if I'm directly confronted about it? Though because I absolutely hate conflict I often distance/isolate myself from the people I'm close to and find myself forming deeper emotional attachments to stuffed animals than people.
Would the guys find this to be a problem? Would they particularly care about someone being more open to an inanimate object than them, or if they need to regularly switch between reminding the person of boundaries and assurance that they aren't a selfish or awful person?
(Again, feel free to ignore this if you don't want to respond, I won't get upset if this ask gets deleted for being too much)
- 🖍 crayanon
Okay first of all Crayanon is adorable
Secondly, sending me asks is in no way bothering me! If I don't have the time or energy to respond to them, I often sit on them until I do (or until I come up with a sufficient answer for some of them). The only ones I wind up deleting are the ones I legitimately don't have an answer to LOL.
Thirdly, I'm seeing some self-deprecation here, and I'd like to remind you that you aren't a selfish or awful person for your neurodivergence. I prefer the company of animals, stuffed or not, to people most of the time as well. It's no shortcoming of yours that you have issues reading social queues-- especially when excited. You're far from alone in that aspect, and honestly? You can't blame yourself for crossing a boundary that you didn't know existed. All you can do is keep that boundary in mind going forward. You're not psychic, so you can't have known, and anyone who gets mad at you for crossing a line you weren't aware of... might be someone you may wish to rethink being around. This is a very annoying thing that happens with Neutotypical people, I feel. They expect you to know the exact social standards of every single setting everywhere you go when they... don't communicate that whatsoever. It isn't your fault, and this is all a very long winded way for me to say: Don't beat yourself up over stupid unspoken societal standards. It doesn't make you a bad person, and neither does wanting to avoid these situations. You aren't selfish, and you aren't awful.
With that out of the way...
Generally speaking, the guys are really good with mental health and neurodivergence in general. It's kind of a monster society thing-- since monsters are all so vastly different from one another, they don't tend to balk at anything that has to do with appearance or mentality. It's just the way you are, and if it happens to cause problems for you or them, they're still very supportive. They might nudge you towards professional help if it becomes a serious problem, but on the whole, these guys are very hard to offend by behavior.
Killer also has issues with boundaries sometimes, and needs to be corrected. With the guys, this usually comes in the form of playful violence, but you can shove him off or tell him to back up or steep off just as easily. His are hard to cross, but if you manage it, he's pretty gracious with letting you know, and if he sees you edging up on that line again, he'll playfully remind you of it. He won't get mad. The most you'll get for your troubles is a noogie.
Dust may snap if his boundaries are crossed in any serious way, but he's kind of a withdrawn person. He doesn't mean to be mean, but he'll be firm. He might get a little short and brisk to get you to back off... but he'll explain why once he's wound down from it. He might get a little rattled, but he won't hold it against you. Learning to be around new people can sometimes have a steep learning curve that can go on for years after you've met and grown close to them.
Axe only snaps if you get near his skull injury. Otherwise, he's pretty chill. If it's a social boundary, he isn't bothered too much, and will remind you that it's there calmly. He'll also warn you off of it if he feels you're creeping toward his or anyone else's boundaries, and praise you with reassurances if you remember these on your own. It'd do you well to remember that one of his biggest boundaries is to not startle him awake, since... that's less one for him and more one for you, so you don't get hurt on accident.
Cross will gently bodily move you if it's a physical boundary and just... say your name correctively if it's a social one. He'll explain his boundaries, but prefers reminding you rather than telling you. He thinks that you'll remember these on your own soon enough if he just... nudges you away from them. He's pretty understanding, even if he looks stern.
Baggs takes note of these behaviors and works with you on them. Little memory exercises to remind you of where general boundaries might be, offers different methods of mindfulness, and takes everything in stride. Even if you cross his, he's patient and explains gently. He also likes the subtle sort of nudging you in the right direction-- making your own associations and your own corrections are far preferable than straight directions. It allows you to build your own habits and reminders that are custom-tailored to you.
Nightmare has arguably the hardest time with this because he is not pleasant when a boundary of his has been crossed. He'll get a little sour, but still remind you carefully of what that was and why he didn't like that. It's really not you, it's him. He gets cranky and bitter when bothered, but... he also has to remind himself that no one here is psychic and can't possibly know what he's thinking. He likes to lead you into conclusions yourself ("Do you remember what happened last time?") rather than actively correcting it, and does so as gently as he can. This bothers you deeply, and he can tell. He doesn't want you agonizing over a simple mishap that, in the grand scheme of things, matters very little.
As for being closer to stuffies than to them...
...They might get a little jealous, but the most that nets you is them sitting with the plush so that you have no excuse but to spend time with them. Oh no.
Fortunately, they can be pretty still and quiet if you don't feel like people at the moment. Just hanging around quietly is enough.
#k answers#k headcanons#feat. r&r crew#readmore for length as always#give yourself the grace and understanding that you grant to others always
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Chapter 22: Part One: Madmax
Season One | Season Two | Season Three | Season Four
Word Count: 3094 words of heartbreak
Warnings: swearing, death, grief, guilt, memories
[A/N: my heart, my soul, my reason to exist are all broken why did i do this to myself. i wish a very unpleasant evening to the duffer brothers. they know what they did.]
Part One: Madmax
The ground starts to violently shake once again. But this time, you know it’s the last.
Grabbing onto anything for stabilisation, you all try and wait it out, eyes squeezed shut, hearts beating erratically. Robin was clinging onto the banister, muttering some kind of prayer under her breath. Behind you, Nancy was propped up against a wall, face scrunched in concentration to keep herself steady. Steve had his arm around your waist, a reminiscent on the tunnels you both caught yourselves in two years ago, while your arm had wrapped around him, hand on his shoulder.
It feels like forever until it stops, the faint hum of vibration somehow still rattling your bones as you all straighten. Steve gently unwinds himself from you, ensuring you were okay with the flicker of his eyes, just as Robin lets out a big breath.
“What the hell was that?” Robin asks shakily. You never registered her words. You barely registered her voice.
Your eyes had never left the grandfather clock, your vision blackening with every quickened inhale of oxygen you could possibly force into your lungs. The hands attached to your wrists couldn’t stop trembling. You stare down at them. Why couldn’t you feel your hands?
The legs you stood on weren’t stable, swaying you as you shook in anxiety. And there was this pounding somewhere, filling your ears with this loud insistent rhythmic beat.
It didn’t feel like you were in your body anymore.
Max is dead.
Your whole world was caving in as you watched yourself break down, soul flickering in and out.
Max is dead.
Max is dead.
Max is-
You faintly comprehended someone rushing over to you, calling your name.
Your breathing stops, body dropping to the floor.
“Let me guess, you’re a girl so you can’t skate?”
She hummed her response, dangling her feet off the edge and staring at her untied shoes as they swung. You walked over to her, kneeling down and starting to tie her laces.
“Boys can be assholes.” You agreed, smiling at her, “But only because they feel threatened if a girl is better at a sport than they are. It’s a stupid system but they always think they’re better than us. And you, Max, are way better than them and you’re only 9. They’re totally jealous of you.”
“Really?” She finally started to smile, fiddling with her hair, “One of them said I was mad for even trying.”
You laughed, shaking your head and tying the final bow. “That’s because you are mad, Max.”
“Stop.” She giggled, playfully kicking you away.
“They gave you a label. Because they wanted to hurt you.” You shrugged, grabbing your skateboard and fitting a cap onto your head, “So… own that.”
“Own it?” She questioned, tilting her head with curiosity.
“Own being ‘Mad’. You’re… Madmax.”
She gave a satisfied nod, smiling at the alias. When you shook your skateboard in the air, she leapt up with glee, picking up her own and practically sprinting through the bedroom door.
“I’m sorry.”
“What?” You looked back at your sister, her teary eyes closed.
“It’s my fault. I should have told you to stay with me instead of going to that stupid party.” She sobbed, remembering your last conversation you had before the incident.
“Hey, look at me.” You cupped her chin, bringing her doe eyes to meet yours. “None, and I mean none, of this is your fault. Don’t you ever think that. It was all me. Just me.”
She just continued to cry, your words barely making an affect.
“I might be leaving, but I’d never leave you. You understand? I’ll find a way. When I’m old enough, I’ll come back for you.”
“Promise?” She choked down her sobs, holding your hands.
“I promise.” You said, a tear forming a path down your left cheek. “You are so, so strong. And smart. Smarter than me. Smarter than mom and dad. Smarter than anyone I know. No matter what happens, you can do this on your own. Promise me you won’t ever give up. Promise me.”
“I promise.” She whispered.
There was a loud knock at the door. Your sister looked at you. She leant in and whispered three words. But not the ones you’d expect.
Reluctantly, you let go of the only person in this world that you ever truly loved, and walked to the door. Your mother avoided you in every possible way, not even bringing herself to look at you. You resisted the urge to look back at the house that was never your home. You took each step forward with your heart slowly aching. This was just the beginning.
You were escorted to Hawkins, away from the city that hated you. All that replayed were the three words your sister had whispered.
“Give. Them. Hell.”
“My parents, they sent me to Hawkins. I was in a lot of trouble and they didn’t want me around anymore. No one did, I guess. Other than Max. She- I never wanted to leave her. I had this plan, when I graduate, to go see her again. I’ve been saving up ever since I got here, enough for two bus tickets out of California, away… away from that damn house.” You admit, gaze drawn on a splintered piece of wood so you could focus on your words.
“This isn’t what I was expecting.” She shares with a sigh, “Moving here.”
“Well, Hawkins is full of surprises. Nightmares, but surprises.”
“Yeah…” She nods before suddenly pointing to you. “But I meant you.”
You look to her in surprise, a smile appearing under your mask.
“I’m really happy that you’re here.” Max says, moving towards you and you catch her in a hug.
“I’ve missed you, Madmax.”
If you had been told a year ago that you would have the chance to reconnect with your sister, you wouldn’t have believed it. You had done the work, saving up money to buy tickets to California, to take her away from the people known as your family. But deep down, you had a constant fear that you’d never get to see her again. You never expected to have her come to you. At least the universe did something right.
You make your way back to Max, chuckling as you watch her furiously taking down the bun your mother had insisted on.
“Help me.” She deadpanned when she saw you stood there and you nodded, still smiling.
You swiftly plait part of her hair, bringing it back so the hair was out of here face. She frowned.
“What?” You ask as she points to the hair you currently clipped back. “Oh, I thought you’d want Lucas to see your face when you dance together.”
Her face twisted and you laughed again.
“Ew. No. No, that’s not-” Max keeps shaking her head, “No.”
“You sound so sure.” You smirk, resting your head on her shoulder and looked at her through the mirror. “It’s okay to like someone, Max. Even if it’s someone you’d never expect.”
“Like you and Steve?” She raises her brow and you laugh at the comment. Usually you’d react in disgust. You didn’t know why that wasn’t the case this time.
“He’s my best friend.” You shrug.
“Right.” Max nods, pursing her lips. “Now look who’s in denial.”
“Okay, Madmax. Do you want any makeup?” You change the subject, pointing to the makeup bag at the sink.
“Uh…” She looks up at you, expecting a mocking look. But, instead, you smile, patiently waiting her answer. “Maybe? Won’t that be too… girly?”
“There’s nothing wrong with that.” You say, reaching for the bag to pull out the mascara. “You can still skate when wearing makeup. I don’t think you have to define yourself to one thing. Like, you can be both girly and a tomboy. I guess it just depends on how you feel at the end of the day.”
She hums in response, opening her eyes and you lightly brush some mascara on her.
“Okay, look.” You turn her to the mirror and she flutters her eyes.
“Cool.” She shrugs, a soft smile on her lips. “I’m glad you’re back. I know I keep saying that but… I kept your promise.”
You instantly smile, remembering the last words you spoke to eachother before you left. “Really?”
“I never gave up.” She looks at you with her blue eyes, holding your hand.
You grip her hand tighter. “I gave them hell.”
“You said you were working late today!” Max complained, hands on her hips as she followed you to your car.
“Then why were you shouting at poor Freddy?” You question, slipping into the car and blaring the AC for all it was worth.
“I wanted to see if I could bail you out of it.” Max shrugged, rooting through your glove box and trying on various sunglasses.
“That’s sweet and- hey, those aren’t yours.” You snatched away the shades and shoved them back into the box, snapping it shut. “I thought I gave you money to buy your own?”
“The stupid boys want to go the mall again today.” She rolled her eyes, slumping in her seat as you started the car.
“So? Make them pay for stuff if they’re so obsessed with that place.” You suggest, driving away from the pool and toward the infamous mall.
You drove in comfortable silence before you realised.
“Okay, why are you in my car?” You frown and Max laughs, causing a smirk to appear on your face from the sound.
“I was wondering when you’d notice.” She shook her head, glancing at the stereo. “Can we play some music?”
“Sure.” You sigh, trying to ignore the fact that she avoided your question. “A free ride to Starcourt it is.”
The car started blaring Journey’s Separate Ways and she groaned.
“Do you ever listen to anything else?” She said but she sat back, bopping her head along to the beat.
“You’re leaving again, aren’t you?”
“I got into college.” You nod, fiddling with the piece of paper in your hands. “I wasn’t going to go but… Jack and…”
“And Billy.” She says, understanding as she looks up at you with blue eyes. “I get it.”
“I don’t wanna leave you here.” You say, tears falling. “I just got you back and I hate knowing that I’m just leaving you alone after everything that happened.”
“I’ll be okay.” She sniffles, finally pulling you into a hug. “We’ll be okay.”
When you pull apart, you hand her the paper, watching as she unfolds it to reveal a number and an address.
“It’s the number for my new place. And an address. I figured if calling was going to be tricky, we could always write eachother letters.” You admit and she smiles, nodding.
“I’d love that.” She sobs, “I love you.”
“I love you too, Madmax.” You laugh, wiping away the tears, “I need to get going if I want to make it in time but… tell everyone I love them?”
Max nods, pocketing the paper. “I will.”
You both walk to your car, hugging eachother for the last time before you slid into your car, starting the engine.
“Don’t give up.” She suddenly says before you can drive away. You look confused and she laughs. “I don’t know. It’s what you told me in California and I figured you needed to hear it.”
You smile to yourself before looking back up at her. “As long as you give them hell.”
She grins as you finally pull away, moving back onto the road and watching as your sister waved you goodbye.
I miss you. A lot. I know we’ve done this before and at least this time I can talk with you but sometimes I wish you and I could just hang out together. The party are kind of acting like you’re on holiday. Like any day now you’ll burst through the door with souvenirs. But Nancy keeps telling them that’s not the case. They don’t listen. Of course they don’t.
I know why you left. You did it for us, even if the others can’t see that.
I’m doing okay. You’ve said in your letters that you worry about me but I’m completely fine. You should live a life away from Hawkins. You deserve that. You don’t need to come back.
I love and miss you,
Madmax.
“Max comes first.” You say with determination, “I’ve been dealing with Vecna for four years now, if he wanted me dead... I’d be dead.”
“You don’t know that for sure.” Nancy frowns, “What if you’re just stronger than him? Lucas told me what happened at the graveyard, Y/n. You-”
“I need people to focus on Max.” You insist with teary eyes, “I can’t lose Max. I can’t.”
A sore gasp left your lips and you crashed to the ground, barely able to move.
Everyone was rushing around you all at once, Separate Ways still blaring into your mind. Max’s face appeared in front of you, her own ears bare.
“Y/n?” She cried, pulling you into a hug and sobbing into your shoulder.
Once you regained the feeling in your limbs, your arms wrap around and cling to her, all the other voices drowning out.
Before she stepped off the bus, you stand from your seat, sharing a look before she rushes over to give you a hug.
“Give them hell.” You both whisper with teary eyes, quiet enough for only you two to hear.
Max is dead.
And it was your fault.
“Y/n! Hey, look at me. Breathe!”
You managed to focus your eyes on the boy in front of you, his hands clasped your face as he searched your eyes for a response.
“She…” You sob, unable to speak the words, choking on the thick air of grief around you.
Steve knows he can’t help you. He can’t tell you it’s okay. Because it wasn’t. None of it was. Instead, he pulls you in, gently placing kisses on the side of you head, rocking you back and forth in a constant motion to lull you away from the trap of your mind.
Just like he did when Jack died.
Robin and Nancy crouch beside you, too, sharing in your sorrow and resting their heads on your shoulders.
Everyone was mourning, the smoke pouring through the beating heart of the gate only adding to your misery. The tears wouldn’t stop pouring out.
When you had left California, you had unwillingly left behind the only person that never failed you. You had hated your parents. Sam far too selfish and criminally minded to spend any time with you, the only bonding experience fuelled by an illegal job that required you to act as bait or, more often than not, a getaway driver. Susan was a mother until she just stopped caring, falling in love with whatever lay at the bottom of a bottle and ignoring your existence however long she could, almost as if willing away the only reminder she had that you would never be her true child. In fact, it wasn’t until Max was born that either of them started to put an effort in.
You began to resent the idea of a sibling. Every morning, afternoon, and night, you would only ever hear about ‘Maxine’. Susan would drone on about all the fun they would have when she was older, the idea that she ‘finally’ would get to dress up her daughter. You were never one for pretty dresses; occasionally, sure, but casual days left you in messy jeans and whatever clean shirt you could find. Sam was more paternal than ever when he held her, and you wondered if he ever did the same when you were a baby.
Yet, despite the hatred you were feeling towards this sister that never did anything wrong, you couldn’t resist wanting to spend time with her. When she was old enough to walk, you would sit with her on top of a skateboard Lillian had gifted you for your birthday, and held her close as you slowly descend down the small decline that was the paved stone of your driveway. When she was starting to talk coherently, she would beg you for ‘skatey’, prompting you to drop whatever you were doing just to fetch your board and take her outside. You remembered Susan hated it, but the look on your sister’s face when she was refused to play with you must have changed her mind.
Soon enough, Maxine became Max. Madmax. She began imitating you, begging to be dressed like you were, even go out when you did. Of course, you felt a little suffocated from the constant attention all the time, but you loved her too much to ever leave her behind. Maybe it was because you needed that attention after the neglect from your parents. You needed to feel that love, to show that love, unconditionally.
When you left, the image of her crying eyes was all it took to send you into a spiral. The amount of times you had attempted to break out of the police escort car had deemed you a flight-risk, hence the demand for the chief when you finally made it to Hawkins. You couldn’t help guilting yourself into thinking she thought you abandoned her.
Then you finally got her back, and you swore you’d never lose her again. From the battles, to the adoption, to the deaths…
Max was the only thing you ever kept living for.
It took you a while to finally have control of yourself again, the first assurance being your hands reaching out to your friends. You couldn’t stay here forever.
“We need to get out of here.” You sniffle after an amount of time, mumbles of comfort spurting from their mouths.
Steve brushes the hair out of your eyes, searching for confirmation. A small nod was enough for him to let go. They all help you up, Nancy and Robin immediately grabbing your hands as Steve leads you all out of the house, axe at the ready.
You tried to keep your sanity, focus on the present. Once you got out of the Upside Down, you’d find Lucas and Erica. And Max.
As you all solemnly walk down the path from the house and through the forest, no words were spoken. The air was thick with grief and regret, heads lowered.
What you didn’t know, was what would be waiting for you at the end of the path.
Chapter 22: Part Two: King Of The Freaks ->
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#stranger things#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things imagine#stranger things x reader#eddie munson#steve harrington#nancy wheeler#robin buckley#max mayfield#vecna#dustin henderson#lucas sinclair#eleven stranger things#erica sinclair#st4#stranger things 4#eddie munson x reader#steve harrington x reader#vecna’s curse#stranger things reader insert#fanfic
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Innocent Pt 1
I look up from my spot behind the register at the sound of the door opening and shutting. Rafe Cameron waltz in without so much as a look in my direction even though we close in literally two minutes. I sigh and tuck my book under the counter as I wait for him to return from the coolers in the back. Rafe appears with two cases of beer and sits them on the counter.
"Did you find everything okay?" I ask because I have to. Rafe digs in his wallet for money and hands me a hundred dollar bill.
"I know where the beer is." Rafe says flatly. I fight the urge to roll my eyes as I mark the bill with a counterfeit marker.
Rafe watches my actions with a curious look. "It's real, I promise." He deadpans and I bite back a snide remark.
"I still have to check." I mutter and stuff it in the register then count out his change.
"Aren't you going to ask for my ID?" Rafe questions me and I gulp. I knew better than to call out Rafe Cameron. He was a bully and I didn't want him to set his sights on me.
"Is it going to say you're 21?" I ask, holding out his change for him. He eyes the money but doesn't take it.
"We can pretend it does and you can keep the change." A small smile forms on his lips as he picks up his cases of beer and heads for the door.
"Wait! I don't want your money!" I round the corner of the counter but it's too late. He jumps into a waiting Jeep and it takes off. Rafe Cameron just gave me eighty dollars to keep my mouth shut. What the fuck?
The next night is no different. He comes in right before we close and tells me to keep the change if I overlook his illegal purchase. I fight him some more but he ignores me and leaves again.
"Are you an alcoholic?" I blurt and Rafe raises his eyebrows at me after sitting two more cases on the counter. This has been going on all summer. He comes in to buy two cases of beer almost everyday and leaves me with the change. If he wasn't a Kook I'd be worried about him running out of money from leaving me almost $80 everyday. I keep it all in a ziploc bag in my backpack for safe keeping because to be honest, I don't know what to do with it. It doesn't feel right taking it but he refuses to take it back so I guess I'm just holding it for him.
"Do I look like an alcoholic to you?" Rafe laughs. Did he really want me to answer that?
"I mean, the bloodshot eyes kind of give you away." I tease, reaching my hand out with his change and he gives me a dull look.
"It helps me sleep. So I wouldn't call it being an alcoholic." Rafe waves my hand away and I drop the money on the counter, pulling the cases of beer towards myself and farther from his reach.
"Maybe you should take the rest of this money and get yourself some melatonin instead of killing your liver." I snap and he throws his head back with laughter. He reaches for the beer but I pull them away. Instead of trying again he grabs my arm and pulls me halfway across the counter, forcing me to yelp as my feet no longer touch the ground.
"I could think of another thing that would help me sleep." Rafe gives me a coy smile before biting his lip and I swear my heart stops beating in my chest. I yank back and slide back down to my feet and he snatches the beer up.
"I-I don't like you." I cross my arms and he laughs, heading for the door.
"Yes you do." I roll my eyes at him as he exits.
I finish closing the store with a smile on my face. I don't even realize I'm wearing the stupid grin until I get home.
"What's with the stupid grin?" My father snaps from his place on the couch. My mother is probably already in bed since she has to open the store in the morning.
"I just had an easy night, I guess." I shrug and start cleaning up the messy living room before he tells me to.
"You better have been focusing on your work and not some boy." The venom in his voice cuts like a knife as I bag up the trash. It's the same thing every night. I close the store, I clean it then come home and clean up after my father, and he berates me until he passes out on the couch.
"You're almost a woman, Emmy. You better keep your legs closed until you're a married woman. No man will want you if you've been passed around all of OBX. You'll end up like your mother." I throw something in the trash can a little too hard and he growls angrily.
"Don't throw stuff in my house or you can find some place else to live." If I wasn't afraid you'd kill my mother or report me as a runaway, I would.
"I'm sorry." I mumble, gently dropping the next few beer bottles in this time. I hear him raise to his feet with an angry hum and I know the power trip is coming. He only feels like a man if he's inflicting pain and fear on a woman. I swallow the lump in my throat and turn to face him, keeping my eyes down.
"Say it like you mean it." He demands but I only feel the growing anger in my chest so I force my expression to change to one of fear and defeat.
"I'm sorry, daddy." I fake plead, plastering on my best puppy dog eyes then looking at the ground again.
"Good. Now go to your room." He snaps. I head towards the hallway but a disgusted snarl catches my attention. "Start wearing longer shorts. You look like a cheap whore." I want to keep walking but I know my silence will only fuel him further.
"Yes, daddy." I say softly then quickly disappear into my room. I kick my sandals off and change into my pjs before climbing into my tiny twin bed, curling myself in my grandmas old quilt. His words continue to eat away at my thoughts until my mind wanders to a certain Kook. When did Rafe Cameron become the highlight of my day?
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Let me tell you a bit about my wonderful, wonderful JiB 11 experiences.
It finally happened! I've met Jared Padalecki!
First thing Saturday morning I went to his auto. I had bought a moose notebook back in 2019 when I got the JiB tickets, and have been waiting to give it to him ever since. He looked at it, then visibly did a double take and started to laugh. I told him "Back when I got the notebook you had this huge hiatus beard!" He smiled, stroked with his knuckles over his own beard and said "I'll get there again!".
Next up was my Jared photo. While I was standing in line for the OP, he made eye contact two times, very briefly, and I almost died on the spot. Lol. I am an aro/ace woman in my fourties, but this man is killing me!
We took the picture, I said thank you and turned away. While I was turning away, his hand stayed on my back, and he rubbed me twice in circles. I don't remember much from this op, but I do remember the feeling of him stroking by back in circles. I also remember the feeling of his chin on top of my head. And how cold that stupid (sorry) Gucci jacket was against my face.
I'm not putting an uncensored picture on here, but believe me, I couldn't smile any more if I tried. I have a look on my face that is completely over the moon, but who can blame me?
With Jensen, I asked him to be hugged from behind, and I really love this photo too. I just wish I had left my jacket on. My bare arms don't look so good on here. But that's just me being self critical. So what the heck, I'm gonna share it with you anyways.
@takikojou and me planned on standing in line for a question at the first panel sunday morning. (A Jared solo panel.) I knew what question I wanted to ask, but I planned on writing it down. Just to be sure I'd get it right.
But while we were sitting in the Saturday evening Jared solo panel, close to the right hand side microphone for questions, the queue on that side was getting shorter and shorter, and suddenly there was no one standing in line at all. On the other side there were still plenty of people queing, and there was also quite some time left on the panel. So I just got up and went up to the micro without thinking. While I was standing there, my heart beat like crazy. I have no idea what was being said during the question Jared was currently answering. I just tried to get the question right in my head. When it was my turn, I asked him:
"At the last JiB I asked Jensen a question for both of you -"
Jared: "I wasn't there last JiB."
Me: "I know."
(That sounded rather rude-ish, but I swear I didn't mean it that way. I was just so incredibly nervouse.)
Me: "I asked Jensen to answer for both of you and he did, but he also said you would probably have this long insidefull answer. So now I'm asking you. What aspect of Sam's and Dean's personality was hardest to act?" And then, because I was kind of besides myself, I felt the need to clarify "Sam, in your case."
Jared said that a lot of Sam came pretty natural to him, and he gives credit for that to the writers who got to know who he is and wrote Sam that way. As an example he mentions Sam's "empathetic puppy dog eyes" written in scripts. He then says that the hardest part to act was Sam's kind of comedy. Because for him Sam's kind of comedy was hard to find. And that maybe that was correct, because Sam didn't think of himself as a funny person. Whereas Cordell Walker's kind of comedy is basically Jared's kind of comedy.
He concluded: "That's my answer. I hope it lived up to Jensen's expectations." Lol.
That's when I messed up completely in my nervousnes. Because I repeated Jensen's answer the wrong way around. Jensen had said for Jared it would be "having a shorter older brother". But I said to Jared:
"Jensen said it would be having a taller older brother."
But Jared, being the intelligent man he is, and knowing Jensen the way he does, immediately made sense of it.
"I guess for me it would be having a shorter older brother. Because my brother is taller than I am. So."
And with that he basically repeated Jensen's answer for him from JiB 12. Lol.
Here's the video, if you're interested. My question starts at around 19:10.
youtube
As I've just rewatched the video, I've realised that he was looking at me a lot. Unfortunately, I couldn't really see from my position at the microphone. In a panel on the next day Jared mentions that everybody on that microphone is squinting and shielding their eyes. There was this bright light shining right in peoples eyes over there. They dialed it down a bit after Jared mentioning it on Sunday, but Saturday, I could hardly make him out on stage.
On Sunday came my long awaited J2 OP. I asked them if they could look like Sam and Dean as opposed to Jared and Jensen. They both said sure and we did the OP. When I left I said thank you. Jensen answered in the most Texas drawl "You're welcome!". I loved the way he said it.
I also love the OP! I tried to smile a bit less, to make it more of a Winchester pic. I failed horribly at that. But again, who can blame me?
On my other post someone commented it looks like Sam and Dean are confused that there is someone in between their hug. And that is so true, lol. "Sorry, boy's, I'll get out of your way, now."
When I went to the Jensen auto with my friend, we were waiting in line inside the auto room, even though Jensen was not there yet. But Jared was. He was sitting at the table, giving auto's. I was standing at a point in line that was basically closest to Jared for about 20 to 30 minutes, without my line moving. So I had plenty of time watching Jared from about 3 meters away. And I was blown away by his kindness, his gentle and funny nature. What everyone says about him is absolutely true. He really makes these short interactions for everyone special. And his full attention is at the person in front of him. Always. It's one thing to experience that in person for one short interaction. It's another to witness that with dozen's of people. It's not just one friendly hello after the other. (Which, honestly, would be enough to ask for.) It's that his facial expression changes with every person. With some he laughs, with some he's serious. He's listening intently if someone talks to him. I could't here what was being said (and wouldn't have wanted to eavesdrop anyway), and couldn't see what he signed. But I saw his face. I saw he reacted to that. And it never seemed forced. He just is that kind of person. Genuine. Empathetic. I only saw one thing given to him. And I had to laugh. Someone brought him Haribo gummy bears. He was so FAST taking that and slipping it into the bag for presents he had behind the table. It was a blink and you'll miss it moment. Lol. I guess that's also genuinely him. He loves his sweets.
Then Jensen arrived and I had my autograph. He was really, really nice and attentive too. Jensen also always makes sure to look up at the end of each auto and look people in the eye.
I had so many great interactions throughout the convention, and everything I had hoped for had come true already. There were just a few panels left I wanted to watch.
So @takikojou and I went into the panel room for the Jared and Misha panel. And she points out that there is no-one at the microphone on the left hand side yet. She asked me to stand in line with her. So I did. I quickly came up with a question for both of them. I didn't want to ask a Jared only question at a Mishalecki panel. I thought that would be rude.
So I wanted to ask where in Germany besides Berlin they had been. I thought this would be a short question with short answers, nothing special. But then Jared Padalecki basically had a whole conversation with me, and it turned into the most amazing moment of the whole JiB convention!
I'll leave the link here. It starts at 7:20
youtube
You may have seen videos where people stand in the hallway at the end of JiB con, and the actors come out to walk through the people, giving high fives and stuff. There's a small area where people can stand, behind barrier tapes. When my friends and me came out of the panel room, that area was already crowded. So we just left the convention area through a hallway in which no-one was allowed to stand. But at the end of the hallway people gathered again. My friends and I got a really good place there, right at the end of the hallway, where the room opens again. Security quickly put up more barrier tapes. So basically, it was a espallier (? that what you call it? ) of people, then a hallway, and then another espallier of people, forming one long line.
People in the first area where shouting for Jensen to come out, and he did. But he didn't see us down at the second area at the end of the hallway, so the turned around and went back into the green room again. Same with Jared after that. They just didn't see us. I know because I was the first person at the end of the hallway and had a perfect view all the way up. They didn't even look in our direction. And they couldn't hear us over the loud crowd in area one.
Then came Rob, and he saw us. When he realised there were so many more people down there, he just started a sprint and came to us. The security guard accompaniying him was completely taken by surprise and had trouble keeping up, lol. Rob went through our row, and so did every other actor after that.
Matt Cohen was last. He went through our row, and when he came back, while passing me, I asked him:
"Matt, can you ask Jared and Jensen to come down here as well?"
He said he would. And he did.
A few minutes later all the actors came out together, and they all came into our second area.
I thought that was a pretty great grand finale. But then my friend surprised me with a can of FBBC beer she had brought from Austin to share with me. And that was just the crown on top of an overwhelming, amazing, wonderful weekend. I had the time of my life! And I am so grateful I got to share it all with @takikojou and M. It would not have been half as wonderful without you two!
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Cloudburst
Okay, I’m not gonna take up too much time but let me explain: I had the thought that as Lloyd gets older there is a part of him that wants a normal life, and long story short I made an oc Corlette and I have fallen in love with her.
So here are the story beats: This is during Dragons Rising, Corlette used to be in a cult that used the concepts of nun and sisters, Lloyd and Corlette met when Lloyd ended up on the doorsteps of the cult when he was gravely injured, Corlette join the ninja gang after cult shenanigans, She takes care of the monastery with (or in place of) Mr. Frohicky, Corlette has confused her love to Lloyd yet hasn’t gotten a response, and idk how we got to the plot of this fic we just did, kidnapping/running-away shenanigans. Enjoy!
“ARE YOU TWO OKAY!”
Whoever is above… grandpappy maybe… don’t let these kids change.
Lloyd chuckled, looking at Arin and Sora’s worried expressions from his phone screen, “Yeah, Corlette and I are fine.”
“What the hell did those guys want with Corlette anyway?” Cole asked.
The blonde leader sighed, “Aftermath of the cult, I guess, they only referred to her as sister Corlette or sister Clover.”
“Oh, I thought Clover was your nickname for her,” Kai laughed.
“Shush,” Lloyd huffed.
“Where are you two right now?” Cole asked, after elbowing Kai in the ribs, “It looks gloomy.”
“We found a city in the middle of a forest,” Lloyd began, “It’s obviously not a part of Ninjago a merged realm. It started raining hard once ever since Corlette and I got out of that stupid cave we found the closest building for shelter, which happened to be a hotel.”
“Atta boy!” Kai exclaimed before being smacked upside the head by a hard nindroid hand.
“Do you even have money for a hotel room right now?” Sora asked.
Lloyd shook his head, “No, but our tales of heroism have reached here, we have gotten the room for free…” he looked at the room through the balcony door glass, he was given a very nice and most likely very expensive, deluxe suite, “It’s a little too big for my liking and I mean we are only here to get our clothes dry.”
“I would advise against that Lloyd,” Zane remarked off-screen.
Lloyd sighed, “Zane, I’ve had enough bad news for one day, don’t give me more.”
“Apologize, but—”
“I don’t like that but.”
“There is a storm system heading start for that area,” Zane informed, “It would be best for the two of you to stay put and leave with the storm passes.”
“Send me radar and I’ll make that decision for myself!”
He could hear Zane sigh, “You are going to agree with me, especially since you jumped on that motorcycle of yours,” the nindroid scoffed, “like some kind of manic.”
The weather radar is covered in oranges, reds, and even purples where Lloyd and Corlette are located, “Well, shit,” the green ninja sighed.
“So, you agree with me,” Zane replied smugly, pocking his head in frame.
“Look on the bright side Lloyd you’ll get to spend alone time with your clover~” Kai mocked.
“Stop it,” Lloyd huffed, his cheeks heating up in the view of everyone in the hanger bay.
“Alright, everyone out!” Zane ordered.
“Stay safe, Lloyd,” Arin commented as everyone headed for the elevator.
It’s now only Zane and Lloyd, the ice ninja in full view of the camera, “You sure you can’t come and rescue us?”
“Sadly no.” Zane answered, “that would put us in more danger.”
Lloyd sighed, looking out into the large city in the middle of the forest, from the covered balcony, watching the gray clouds get even grayer as the rain continued to pour down, “I don’t want to be alone with her right now,” Lloyd confessed, “I feel horrible.”
Zane hummed. Lloyd had confided in Zane more than once about Corlette ever since she confessed, she had feelings for him.
“I mean what are we going to talk about, we’ve already had the gut-punching conversation now it’s going to be awkward,” Lloyd groaned.
“Maybe it will be good if you two are truly alone. You two will be able to properly talk. Maybe work out your feelings with her.”
Lloyd huffed, “I hope you are right. Because if you aren’t this is only going to get worse.”
“I’ll keep an eye on the weather, and keep you updated,” Zane remarked.
“Thanks, Zane,” Lloyd replied, “See ya whenever we get out of this place.”
“See you soon.”
Their call is then disconnected, and Lloyd went back inside the shower tap is no longer running unlike before when he went out on the balcony. Corlette exited the bathroom, in a dark-colored robe and her hair wrapped in a towel.
“That bathroom is the nicest bathroom I’ve ever been in,” she commented.
“I can only imagine,” Lloyd retorted watching her take her hair down from the towel wrap, her willow and dem spring hair falling her hair back and hitting her shoulders.
“Thank you for saving me… once again.”
“You say that as if I wouldn’t.”
Corlette laughed, “That’s not what I might.”
“So, what did you mean?” Lloyd asked.
She stood there her head tilted to the side with a hand full of her drying with the towel, “You came to save me.”
“I heard no difference.”
“Of course, you didn’t,” Corlette giggled, “I put some towels in the towel warmer for you, for whatever you want to do, my clothes are in the dryer, so just toss your stuff in there and hit start."
“Uh, it wouldn’t hurt to wash our clothes maybe, we’ll be here the whole night most likely,” Lloyd explained, walking toward the bathroom.
“Well, that sucks.” Corlette sighed, “At least the room is nice.”
Lloyd hummed as he entered the bathroom, getting ready to jump in the shower, ready to overthink his feelings for Corlette and every interaction they’d ever had.
“Lloyd, I love you!”
It is not that he doesn’t love her. There is a part of me that has fallen in love with her in the time that they’ve known each other, the past 6 months. Yet he couldn’t answer her,
“I don’t need a response.”
That just made it even worse, he knew he looked stupid, and he didn’t even seem himself. That night, in the training yard, staring at Corlette his red and green heterochromatic eyes big and wide looking at her shocked, because she said something that he never thought he would ever hear, and then said she didn’t need a fucking response.
It’s rough for a man who doesn’t believe he can be loved by someone so caring and thoughtful.
Damn, shits rough when your heart has been destroyed by an evil princess.
Once he’s done brooding in the shower, he wrapped himself in the same dark-colored robe Corlette that the hotel provided and started the dyer. Exiting the bathroom find Corlette lying on the L-shaped couch left of the balcony door.
Look down at her as she lay on the couch with her eyes closed as she was meditating, “You okay, clover?” He asked, knowing she wasn’t asleep by her crossing and uncrossing her ankles.
“Yeah, only have a bunch of burses and broken nails,” she answered, after opening her beautiful latte-colored eyes and holding up her right hand showing off the broken nail on her ring finger, “your hair looks nice like that.”
“What? Wet,” he scoffed as she got up and off the couch.
Corlette giggled, looking over at the large bed in the suite, “So, I guess we are sharing a bed.”
“Huh?”
“One bed,” she remarked pointing to the bed whilst looking back at him, “but it’s large enough for us not to touch.”
Lloyd’s cheeks became flushed at her comment. But in truth, he would love nothing more than to lay with her and hold her.
“Unless you want to touch then, I can kick you in the middle of the night,” she joked making Lloyd chuckle slightly.
Corlette moved her way over to that large bed and laid down before sighing loudly, “Thankfully, we are here for free,” she mentioned, “I can’t imagine what this room would cost, especially with a bed like this.”
“A bed can’t be that comfortable,” Lloyd observed her seemingly sink into the bed mattress and pillowy cloud-like bedding.
“Come here then, savior,” Corlette replied, “You’ll be eating your words.”
Lloyd sighed. making his way over, he’s going to get himself in trouble with this whole bed-sharing situation.
“Holy shit, this bed is nice.”
Corlette giggled.
“I’m sorry,” Lloyd sighed after a few minutes of lying there in silence.
“For what?”
“Letting you get kidnapped.”
Corlette scoffed, “You did not let me get kidnapped.”
“If you weren’t with us—”
“AH-NO!” She exclaimed sitting put then looking at Lloyd, a finger in his face, “You and your little ninja family are not the reason a broken faction of a sacrificing cult kidnapped me! Remember, I was a part of the cult; you helped me out of it! AND YOU!” She poked him in the chest, “Jumped on a motorcycle to save me from being sacrificed, again. You are not a fault!”
Lloyd sighed with a slight smile on his face, at her praise, “If anything I am the one a fault, I was roaming around the crossroads without a care if I was noticed or recognized,” she added.
“Hey now! You were running our errands,” Lloyd retorted, “How about we both say we are to blame and make it even.”
Corlette giggled before grabbing a large strand of her lengthy hair, “Maybe I need to change my hair color or haircut, It’s very distinct.”
“No,” Lloyd sighed, twirling a strand of her hair before his sigh turned into a bit of a whine, “No, don’t do that, hair is perfect.”
“I shouldn’t have mentioned changing my hair color with the man who loves the color green.”
Lloyd continued to play with her hair as she sat next to him, “What would you even color your hair anyway?”
“I don’t know,” She muttered, “Brown?”
“Mhm.” Lloyd hummed, attempting to picture her with Brown hair, “I think you are more than gorgeous with your hair the way it is now. But if you had to you’d still be just as gorgeous if your hair was brown.”
Lay his life in front of the First Spinjitzu Master, his own grandfather, he’s in love with this woman!
“You are being quiet the flirt,” Corlette remarked as fingers left the tips of her hair.
“I can’t help it,” Lloyd admitted, “You’re gorgeous.”
“I bet you tell that to everyone you save,” she added, jokingly.
It made him think for a second, made him think of Harumi. Did he ever call her gorgeous? He did think at one point that the Jade Princess was beautiful, but he could never recall ever telling Harumi that she was beautiful.
“No, you are the only one,” Lloyd replied softly, “…Gorgeous.”
“You are getting into dangerous waters, Savior,” Corlette commented.
“I would say we are already in dangerous waters,” Lloyd retorted, his hand resting on the side of her forearm, “Ya’ know, since of the rain.”
After the mention of the rain, a loud clap of thunder made Corlette jump, as the few lights that were on in the room flickered, “That was loud,” she whimpered.
“Weather’s getting worse,” Lloyd muttered, his thumb stroking her forearm.
“How bad is it supposed to get?”
Lloyd reached for his phone allowing her to see the weather radar Zane sent him, “Oh no,” she muttered, “Lloyd this is terrible.”
“I know, that’s why we can’t go home,” he mentioned, as she handed him back his phone.
“I hope my phone can be fixed,” She commented,
“It may be something below Zane’s pay grade, but it can be fixed.”
Corlette sighed laying on her stomach elbows digging into the mattress as her first rest on her chest whilst continuing a soft conversation full of meaningless small talk with Lloyd, as the weather continued to roar on outside as the night grew later and the skies grew darker.
Once the power went out because of the bad weather, the two of them only got closer under the cloud-like sheets on the big hotel bed, and it wasn’t even on purpose.
In the darkness of the hotel room, the light coming from Lloyd’s glowing eyes, Corlette giggled brushing strands of his hair out of his face, as he basically laid under her. “What’s funny?” he asked.
“Your eyes,” Corlette answered, “I never realized how bright they glowed until now.”
As Lloyd continued to stare at her and think about her. Not only because she was there and they were talking to one another, he was barely paying attention to what they were talking about anymore, but thinking about how close they were, how soft she was being and speaking, how she touched him.
“Corlette…” Lloyd sighed, tucking her hair behind her ear, “You know, don’t you?”
“Know what?” She asked, enjoying his hand creasing her cheek.
“Corlette,” he groaned, “You can’t be serious.”
“I have no idea what you are talking about,” she replied with a wicked smirk on her face.
Lloyd huffed painfully aware of how close they both were, “Would you like me to say it again?” she asked.
“Please!”
Their foreheads rested comfortably against each other, “I love you, Lloyd.”
Those words made him feel like he was floating, and her closeness made him want her to be even closer. They stay their foreheads resting against for a good minute, eyes closed, basking in the comfort.
“You don’t nee-efm!”
He didn’t want to hear her say she didn’t need a response, not he couldn’t hear it again. Kissing her softly, and pulling her as close as she could be, Lloyd could run a marathon in this horrible ass weather at the rate he’s going.
“Fuck, I love you,” Lloyd exhaled, breathing against her lips.
Corlette smiled, “Thank you,” she cooed tracing the scar under his left eye.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to say it,” he breathed, kissing her knuckles on her left hand as she continued to trace the imperfection on his face.
“I only confessed to you maybe a couple of months ago, that doesn’t matter,” Corlette retorted.
“It’s hard,” the blond man lamented, “When you told me you loved me, I wanted to tell you that I adored you just the same, yet I couldn’t.”
“Lloyd, It’s alright,” the greenette breathed, “Your actions speak louder than your words.”
“I saved you!” Lloyd huffed smacking his forehead, making Corlette nod, “I saved you!”
“You got now, lover?”
“I’m an idiot,” he groaned.
“No, you’re not,” she laughed.
“I love you,” Lloyd yearned, rubbing up and down her arm.
“I love you too,” Corlette longed kissing him softly.
“You called me lover, is that something that going that’s going to stick like “savior”?”
“If you want it too.”
Lloyd held her close as they slept after kissing her a little more of course, groaning at the sound of his phone ringing only a few hours after they both fell asleep, “What,” he grumbled, answering the call.
“Good morning, Lloyd,” Zane replied.
“Zane, if you have called me this early just tell me that there is more shit weather—”
“I was calling to inform you that the weather has cleared up and it should be safe for you and Corlette to begin traveling by 10 which happens to be the check-out time for the hotel the two of you are staying in.”
Right, he and Corlette have to leave and go back to the monastery, no longer alone together, “Thanks Zane, I’ll call you when we are on the road.”
“You’re welcome,” Zane replied, before hanging up.
Corlette groaned into Lloyd's chest, “Who was that?’ she asked.
“Zane, we can leave soon,” Lloyd answered.
She went to get up and gathered what little things they had so they could leave yet she was pulled back into Lloyd’s chest, “I said soon, not now,” he complained.
“I understand that but—” Her attempt to protest is silenced by his lips.
“I should have gotten myself kidnapped a month ago if it would end like this,” Corlette joked against his lips before kissing him again.
“No, I should have told you I love you from the start,” Lloyd retorted, “More maybe we should have just been caught in the rain.”
Corlette giggled playing with his hair, “It’s going to be hard to get peace like this when we get back.”
“We could always come back here if we are able,” Lloyd remarked.
“I like that idea, just not when it’s a horrible downpour.”
“Agreed.”
#Ninjago#oc#ninjago oc#lloyd garmadon#ninjago dragons rising#ninjago Lloyd#oc x canon#lloyd x oc#corlette#ninjago corlette#lego ninjago#fanfiction#oneshot#elfboyeros#lloyd x corlette
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The quote you posted by Marius ... "I have lived lies. I have done it again and again. I live lies because I cannot endure the weakness of anger, and I cannot admit the irrationality of love."
What do you think he meant by "I cannot admit the irrationality of love"?
I must be super stupid cause I have no clue. Like is he saying he fears love? Thinks love as a sort of weakness/inconvenience? Is he having an allergic reaction to love in general?
If possible.... Can you break down the entire quote?
!!!!!! This is one of my fav Marius quotes, I’d love to talk about it.
So I noticed this actually comes up in Loustat as well, there’s a part in TVL where Lestat says his love for Louis is humiliating and I think about this a lot. I think it’s your choice if you ascribe this to Anne Rice’s own feelings and philosophy that got woven into her work, or we can also say that it’s another way that Lestat and Marius are incredibly alike.
Lestat says “the sheer excitement was excruciating, and the love I felt for him was positively humiliating.” which has always stuck with me!!! And in Lestat’s case I think it can be read as “I love Louis so much that I will act like a fucking moron” etc. LOL. I wonder for him if it means he’s overwhelmed by it, senseless, unintelligible, etc.
It also comes up with Akasha in QOTD: “She loved him and it humiliated her, and so she sought to hurt him. And she had.”
And speaking of humiliation, these are a couple moments where Marius mentions humiliation in Blood & Gold:
His feelings @ Mael lol - “I was trembling with this uncharacteristic and humiliating rage.”
When Armand is abducted by zealots (callback to Marius being abducted by zealots) - “But that was gone. All was gone. Amadeo was gone. My paintings were gone. And there came again the desperation, the bitterness, the humiliation. I had not thought that such things could be done to me. I had not thought that I could be so miserable. I had believed myself so powerful, so very clever, so very beyond this abject grief.”
This is about Pandora leaving him - “I was too distressed, too perfectly miserable. I didn't want to see her companion, and when I thought of banging on the doors of her house, I found it too utterly humiliating.”
So I’m bringing this up because I think it’s kind of getting at the same point. And forgive me if my aromantic ass is missing something LOL but it feels like Anne often wrote about the humiliation of being vulnerable, and there's a throughline of loving people feeling vulnerable. I think it’s especially potent in a character like Marius, and again since he and Lestat are so alike it makes sense that Lestat feels that way sometimes and it came up in other books. Not to talk about Lestat too much LOL, we just have a lot of material to work with from him. I think they’re both people who have always been rebellious and with that need for independence comes the need to know things and to be self sufficient. Modern emotional health and Brene Brown will tell you that vulnerability is a GIFT but when you’re this fucked up it’s hard! It’s scary!
Like these are also a couple other things Lestat says in TVL that illustrate this point, too, when Armand is going nuts on all the books: “I hate those who make me feel fear, those who know things that I need to know, who have that power over me.” and "Every word was received by a secret, humiliating curiosity and vulnerability."
And going back to the Marius quote! I guess the point I’m making is that Lestat and Marius are people who feel insecure when they don’t have complete self possession or control, and to me this is one of Marius’s HUGE character beats and something he’s really been struggling with for his whole life.
The quote “I have lived lies. I have done it again and again. I live lies because I cannot endure the weakness of anger, and I cannot admit the irrationality of love.” is part of a bigger moment where he’s frustrated by his own anger and stubbornness. This is the whole section:
Avicus looked directly at me. He appeared quiet in his heart and genuinely moved by my words.
But what was the use?
I said no more. My proud calm was suddenly broken. The anger returned along with its weakness. I remembered the hymns of the grove, and I wanted to move against Mael, for all the ugliness of it, to quite literally tear him limb from limb.
Would Avicus move to save him? It was likely. But what if he did not? And what if I proved stronger than both of them, I who had drunk from the Queen?
I looked at Mael. He wasn't afraid of me, which I found interesting.
And my pride returned. I could not stoop to a common physical battle, especially one which might become hideously awkward and ugly, one which I might not win.
No, I was too wise for it. I was too good of heart. I was Marius, who slew the Evil Doer, and this was Mael, a fool.
They made to walk away through the garden and I could find no words to say to them, but Avicus turned to me and said quickly, "Farewell, Marius. I thank you and I will remember you."
And I found myself struck by the words. "Farewell, Avicus," I answered. And I listened as they disappeared into the night.
I sat there, feeling a crushing loneliness.
I looked at my many bookcases, and at my writing table. I looked at my inkstand. I looked at the paintings on the walls.
I should have tried to make peace with Mael, surely, to have Avicus as my friend. I should go after them both. I should implore them to remain with me. We had so much more to say to one another. I needed them as they needed each other. As I needed Pandora.
But I lived the lie. I lived it out of anger. This is what I'm trying to tell you. I have lived lies. I have done it again and again. I live lies because I cannot endure the weakness of anger, and I cannot admit the irrationality of love.
Oh, the lies that I have told myself and others. I knew it yet I didn't know.
Marius’s whole schtick is that he sort of pretends to be this wise calm collected dude and he’s actually the biggest emotional mess. He is THE pettiest bitch. And part of this is like, him sticking to his culture, trying to be ~the spirit of his age~ is trying to always come back to logic and reason. He tries to like, logic his way out of having feelings and it just doesn’t work!!!! HE HAS LIVED LIES, HE KNOWS IT DOES NOT WORK. This comes up over and over in his book, that he is frustrated with his own anger, that he ruins his relationships, that he fucks up, and when he is being irrational & emotional he doesn’t like the person he becomes. He’s humiliated at the idea that he is a person who has feelings and needs.
(See also: my fav thing to bring up but him hitting Armand for being sad lol like he’s trying to TRAIN it out of someone else even though he knows he’s living a lie.)
So this moment with Avicus, he’s like desperately lonely and WANTS Avicus’s company and friendship. He wants to be able to love Avicus. But he’s got so much fucking unresolved rage @ Mael that he can’t be around him at all and doesn’t know how to navigate his own messy emotions.
And really any time Mael shows up, as funny as it is to be like “lmao Marius is the pettiest bitch, he makes Mael sound like such a moron”, please don’t forget that Mael is the closest thing Marius has to a maker at this point. Mael is the symbol of Marius’s rape and nonconsensual turning, and his ritual sacrifice. Mael brought Marius to his own murder!!!!!!!!!! Mael is essentially his rapist. And someone like Marius, who doesn’t know how to admit he has feelings, incessantly tries to tell himself (and everyone else) that Mael is a blundering fool instead of having to confront this extremely real hurt.
As easy as it is to write off Marius’s bullshit as “toxic masculinity” or “man who won’t go to therapy” (which is a completely valid read LOL) it’s also very much steeped in trauma. And like, as much as I want to allow Marius a space to exist in his own world and talk about him in 360 degrees, he’s also not real. He’s a character in a book that survives the whole series as an unmoving object. Marius’s ability to heal or grow or be better is not really the point (but I do think there’s clues in canon that he can make it there; I think him in the PL trilogy is very much a New Marius!); he can survive the entire series as a table setting to represent toxic masculinity and there’s no obligation to heal. But the series asks us to spend time with monsters, to see the good in bad people, to ask if we are all our worst deeds, to ask what makes us human, and I think it’s good to take these characters seriously as wounded people making mistakes.
The tragedy of it, too, is that Marius is just grinding ALL his emotions down in the process. He cannot allow himself to feel his own anger, and in the process of burying it, he also can’t feel love. He cannot live in this standard where it’s okay to embrace the irrationality of love but not the irrationality of anger. Throughout the whole series, every time he loses his temper and lashes out he just immediately feels humiliated for it and yet he can’t find a middle ground where he can just allow himself to feel things. And he cannot find it in himself to forgive Mael or confront these uncomfortable emotions, which means he cannot have Avicus and means he’s doomed himself to more isolation.
Feelings are not rational! They make you act like a fool! They make you open the floodgates to other feelings you do not want to feel!
I just think he’s such a fascinating character because like, he knows! He knows! He knows he does this! He hates himself for it! He doesn’t know how to get better! He knows he’s a fuckup! He’s lonely but if he tries to love someone it’ll destroy him!!!
#marius de romanus#i love him BYE#vampire chronicles#anne rice#blood & gold#b&g quotes#deep ass thoughts about vampires
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Just Beneath The Flames (Part 1)
Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader
Warnings: cursing, smut at some point probably lmao, zombie shit, typical canon violence. You know the drill.
A/N: Soooo, I wanted to do a zombie AU for a long ass time. What can I say? I wrote for the walking dead fandom for yeeears lmao. Anyway, the first scene came to me and I just started writing. No idea where it's going or if it's gonna be good, but I guess we'll see lol
I told myself I wouldn’t post this until it was finished but as I’m writing this author note, I’m just starting chapter 7 and I have no idea how far this will go and I’ve been dying to post this lmao. I figured I’d start posting it and see what happens but after these 6 chapters are posted that I’ve already written up (I’ll post one a day), there might be some delays and stuff. I can’t promise chapters after that will be consistently everyday as I’ll be writing it. I’ll do my best. I posted Poetic Tragedy as I went too and all the kind words people left really encouraged me and inspired me to keep going.
Name of this one is from the song of the same name by Digital Daggers.
We were kings and queens of bedlam
We were happy to exist,
In discomfort we’d created
Though we dreamed of more than this
We had embers in our bloodlines
Iron lungs beneath our skin
Though our hearts were barely beating
We were bleeding out within
We’re at a stalemate,
Begging for the earth to shake,
Wondering if the winds will change
And blow us all away,
We are in the dark age
Tell me it was worth the pain,
Will the wild winds sing again
And blow us all away?
Or will we stay
Everything the same?
Oooh, stay,
Just beneath the flames
Just beneath the flames
We were wary of the future
How the days drew on and on,
With our eyes so widely open,
Tried to see where we’d gone wrong.
We were bold and we were brazen
But grew timid over time,
In our fear we lost direction,
And our dreams left us behind,
We’re at a stalemate,
Begging for the earth to shake,
Wondering if the winds will change
And blow us all away
We are in the dark age
Tell me it was worth the pain,
Will the wild winds sing again
And blow us all away?
Or will we stay
Everything the same?
Oooh, stay,
Waiting for a change,
Oooh stay,
Just beneath the flames
Just beneath the flames
—------
You crouched low, hiding in the shadows as you darted from one tree to another. The forest was bathed in darkness, the only light coming from the campfire that was calling you like a moth to the flame. Either these people were stupid or they were really sure of themselves. You'd never declare your whereabouts like this. You were hiding behind a tree, eyeing up the campsite. There were two women quietly talking among themselves, two children asleep next to them. There was a stocky man with short hair poking at the fire, a man with longer and messier hair beside him as he spoke in a hushed tone. There was a man with a darker complexion asleep not too far from the women and he had two guys next to him. One also had longer hair and he was slightly bigger than the more slender man next to him. The slender man's eyes never seemed to land on anything as he smiled and spoke to the other man. You wondered if he was blind but you couldn't be sure. You weren't too bothered with the people though. What drew your attention, what brought you here to begin with, were the crates of tins and other various foods. Your stomach growled like one of the dead as you stared at your prize, trying to figure out the best way of going about this without getting caught. They didn't just have food, they had weapons too. You wondered what was also in the black van parked on the road just outside the treeline. That was the first sign people were here and then you'd seen the light of the fire.
You adjusted your scarf and was just about to move when you felt something feeling suspiciously like a gun being pressed to the back of your head.
"Don't fuckin' move," a voice growled and you felt your heart stutter. You'd sworn to yourself you wouldn't rob people again after the last time but you'd been desperate. Your hand inched ever so slowly to the knife strapped to your thigh but then the gun pressed even harder against your head.
"Don't even think about it," he hissed.
"You really gonna use that thing? It's just ringing the dinner bell for the dead," you muttered plainly, your body tense as your eyes darted around. You weren't sure how you were getting out of this one and memories swarmed your mind at a rapid rate.
"We'd be long gone by then, but your body will still be warm enough for 'em to wanna bite," the man murmured darkly as he grabbed your arm and yanked you to your feet. He whistled sharply then and you jumped slightly, body tensing even more when the group looked over, some of them coming to see what was going on. The stocky man who had been poking the fire came right over to you, his face hard and cold as he drew his own gun.
"Who the fuck are you?" He asked harshly.
"That's really none of your business now, is it?" You snapped. You couldn't help it, not when you were backed into a corner like this. Not when you had guns on you. The man from behind you moved around you then, moving to stand with the other man, his gun still trained on you. He was tall, his dark hair somehow neat and slicked back. But his eyes were almost black and the fire in them made you turn away from him.
"Why are you here?" The stocky man asked, glaring at you so hard you were surprised you didn't burst into flames. You shifted where you stood, uncomfortable under this scrutiny and unsure of your fate.
"I was gonna rob some food," you muttered honestly.
"I call bullshit," the man with the dark eyes scoffed.
"Where's your group?" The other man pressed, narrowing his eyes.
"I don't have one," you bit out.
"You really expect us to believe that? That you're out here all on your own and doin' just fine?" The dark-eyed man laughed incredulously.
"I wouldn't say fine, but I'm still breathing if that counts," you glowered at him.
"Nah, I don't believe this bullshit," the man huffed, turning to a blonde woman who was hovering near the other man.
"Go get Matt, get him to do his heartbeat thing," he instructed, making her nod and scurry back off to the camp.
"The heartbeat thing?" You asked slowly. He turned back to you then with a dark smirk.
"Let's just say we got a human lie detector," he grinned patronizingly.
"Great, then he can tell you that you're an asshole who's wrong," you smiled back, just as patronizingly. His eyes narrowed to slits as he rolled his shoulder. The blonde came back then with a man, the one you suspected was blind. You were even more sure with your observation at the way he didn't quite look at you as he stood with the other men.
"We need you to do your thing, Red. See if she's lyin'," the stocky man muttered, his untrusting eyes going from the man back to you.
"You're scared," the maybe blind man stated, tilting his head a little. You guessed he was using whatever mojo he had to listen to your heart beat like a hummingbird's wings.
"She should be," the dark-eyed man scoffed, earning a small smack to the stomach from the stocky man who gave him a look.
"I have guns pointed at me, I'd be stupid not to be scared," you pointed out sardonically.
You watched as the stocky man and the blind one looked at each other, or at least seemed to before the blind one nodded.
"Why are you here?" The stocky man asked once again. You rolled your eyes, shifting where you stood.
"I haven't eaten in four days and I saw your van on the road. I followed the light of your fire and saw you had food. I was going to take some," you explained monotonously. The blind man's head was tilted and then he 'glanced' at the stocky man.
"She's telling the truth," he said quietly.
"Do you have a group?" The stocky man asked, looking at you a little more curious than hostile and you wondered if he was starting to realize you weren't a threat.
"No," you muttered, feeling a wave of pain hit you in the chest.
"She's being honest," the blind man murmured with a nod. The stocky man nodded thoughtfully and you shot a condescending smirk to the dark-eyed man who just glared at you.
"You rob groups like this often?" The stocky man asked you and you shook your head with a frown.
"I only do it if I'm desperate, the last time was three months ago but after that… " you trailed off, the urge to touch your throat stinging you but your hands stayed at your side since the guns were still pointed your way.
"Are they the ones that left the scar?" The blind man asked softly, his voice sounding apologetic. Your head whipped to him, shock coloring your face. You blinked at him slowly and he shot you an almost sheepish smile as he looked down.
"Look, I wasn't gonna hurt anyone, okay? I was just hungry and desperate and you looked like you had more than enough. Just let me leave," you muttered with a frown. The stocky man lowered his gun but the dark-eyed man didn't until he got another firm look from the other man. You started to wonder if the stocky man was the leader here. The blonde woman who had been hovering once again then rushed over to the crates of food and started rummaging.
"Karen… what the fuck are you doin'?" The dark-eyed man asked roughly.
"You heard what she said, Billy. She hasn't eaten in four days, we can at least give her something," the woman huffed, giving him a sour look as she plucked a couple of cans from the crate and a bottle of water. She rushed back over to you then with a warm smile and it made your chest ache. You really hadn't expected this.
"Here, I hope this helps," she murmured. Your mouth floundered for a moment, unsure how to respond. It had been a long time since you'd experienced kindness from anyone, especially a stranger.
"Uh… thanks," you muttered, slipping your backpack off your shoulders before stuffing the cans and water inside. You were starving but you'd eat once you left. You didn't really want to stick around in case they changed their mind. You slipped your backpack back on, eyes darting around the group. While yes, they'd just been pointing guns at you and interrogating you, it was understandable in this new world. But now they were letting you go and giving you some of their supplies. You didn't like feeling in debt to anyone.
"I um… since you helped me, I can give you some info to help you too," you started hesitantly. They two men were still watching you like you were a bomb about to go off.
"What is it?" The stocky man asked warily. You licked your chapped lower lip, stuffing your hands into the pockets of your jacket.
"There's a group around these parts and they aren't good news. You know how some people are… the living can be worse than the dead out here," you frowned.
"They the ones that hurt you?" The stocky man asked, his tone a little softer although his body seemed more tense and on alert at your words. You nodded jerkily, trying to push the memories away.
"I came across them a few months ago and I was starving, I needed food. They caught me trying to rob them," you muttered.
"What happened?" The stocky man asked carefully. You sniffled, cracking your neck a little.
"These guys… they're real assholes. And I'm talking about the ‘take what you want and kill anyone in your way’ kind of assholes. There's ten or eleven of them, all armed to the teeth with guns and a shit tonne of knives. They didn't take too kindly to me trying to take what was theirs. They… they slit my throat and left me for dead," your hands clenched into fists in your pockets as a barrage of memories hit you.
"They slit your throat?" The dark-eyed man scoffed incredulously, an amused smirk on his face like he didn't believe you. You tugged your scarf down a little, revealing the jagged scar along your throat as you quirked a brow at him and he looked away.
"Wha- How did you survive?" The blonde gasped, blinking at you with wide eyes.
"Let's just say the guy that did this wasn't very good with a knife," you snorted mirthlessly.
"And you were able to just walk away, stitch it back up yourself and you're fine?" The dark-eyed man asked skeptically.
"I didn't stitch it up myself, I had help," you muttered tensely.
"Thought you didn't have a group," he glowered, eyes narrowing at you.
"I don't, not anymore," you bit out and the man's mouth clamped shut.
"Andy… he was the last in our group, we were the only ones left. He was a doctor before all this and he stitched me up the best he could," your voice was laced in pain as you hastily fixed your scarf back in place.
"What happened to him?" The stocky man asked quietly.
"He got bit, asked me to put him down," you swallowed thickly. You were sure the sound of that gunshot would haunt you until your dying day.
There was a tense silence that overtook you all then and you decided it was time to duck out. Before you could leave though, the stocky man piped up again.
"This group, any idea where they are?" He asked, a dark look in his eyes.
"Last I saw them, they were down by the creek just east of here. They move around a lot but I keep tabs on them so I know where to avoid," you shrugged. He nodded looking deep in thought for a moment.
"Could you show me where?" He asked after a long moment. An inelegant snort left your lips as you looked at him like he'd grown another head.
"Didn't you hear anything I just said? These guys are kill on sight and the last time I saw them, they tried to kill me. They think I'm dead and I'd like to keep it that way," you huffed incredulously.
"I get that… I get that you're scared, but if you show me where they are, they won't be a problem for you anymore," the stocky man said as he raised a brow at you.
"What, are you gonna take them all out? You're outnumbered and outgunned, how the hell are you gonna manage that?" You asked derisively.
"They might have more guns and more men but we got more skill," the dark-eyed man smirked coldly.
"So you guys wanna go on some suicide mission and just have me tag along for the fun of it?" You scoffed as you shook your head. The stocky man shared a look with the blonde woman before he took a slow step towards you.
"How about a deal? You show us where they are and you can come with us when we're done, join the group," he offered softly.
"Seriously, Frank?" The dark-eyed man asked hotly but he got ignored.
"No offense, but I don't wanna join your group," you muttered.
"Why wouldn't you? You're alone out here and struggling. You could be with us and you wouldn't have to worry," a different man frowned at you. You hadn't even noticed him come over. It was the man who had been sitting with the blind man.
"I've tried being in a group and I had to watch each person I care about get ripped apart by the dead, get murdered or slowly die from illnesses. I'm better off on my own," you said firmly, making the man look away with a frown. The stocky man moved towards you a little more, getting your attention.
"Alright, you don't wanna join us, that's fine. How about you help us with this and you get first picks from their shit after we're done?" He offered. You mulled it around in your head for a moment. You knew those assholes had a tonne of gear and food.
"Throw in that bow and we have a deal," you smirked, gesturing with your head to a bow you'd been admiring in the camp. It was a Mathews V3X 29/33. The dark-eyed man barked out a laugh as he shook his head.
"Is that a joke? She's not takin' my fuckin' bow, Frank," he scoffed. He managed to look incredulous, amused and offended all at the same time.
"There's that hunting store not too far from here, I'm sure you can get another," the blonde muttered to him in a hushed tone. He squinted at her like he was trying to set her ablaze with his mind.
"You have any idea what kinda bow that is? They won't have this kinda thing in a shitty little hunting store," he huffed.
"Fine, you can keep your bow. But you take me to the hunting store so I can get one," you relented, quirking your brow at the stocky man since he seemed to be the one in charge.
"Done," he smirked. It was easier than you thought.
You didn't really relish the thought of seeing those assholes again but you had no plans on actually participating in the fight. You'd stay well out of the way and hopefully go unnoticed, you'd get some food and some weapons out of it so you'd go along with it. You'd been due a break and maybe you were finally getting one. Being alone out here was hard but even with the offer of joining the group, you knew you had no desire to. It was just asking for bad news and getting attached to people just meant hurting when you lost them. And you always lost them because this new world was cruel. It was relieving though to know you didn't have to deal with another group of unhinged lunatics, especially since you were staying in the same area. You wondered about the possibility of trading with them. You didn't want to join them even if they did seem nice enough, but it would be good to have some sort of relationship with other people. Maybe if you needed food you could offer them something. Building relationships like this was the only way to survive this. Your old group had trading relationships with other groups until slowly the numbers dwindled to nothing. You often wondered just why you survived all the bullshit, why out of everyone, you were the last one standing. It didn't make sense yet here you were. No matter how dark things got and how morbid your thoughts turned, you always tried to push on and deal with it. You promised Andy you would before you put a bullet in his head and you owed him that at least.
You stood around awkwardly as the two men got ready with weapons and food for the trip. The one with dark eyes had a sniper rifle with what looked to be a silencer on it. You weren't too good with guns, you didn't really like them. The blonde woman walked back over to you as the men got ready and she handed you a protein bar.
"For the trip," she smiled. You took it gratefully with a hesitant smile of your own, still feeling a little out of place and just wanting this whole thing over with. You didn't wait to eat it though, ripping the wrapper off instantly before munching on it hungrily. You were glad for some sustenance. The cans felt like they were burning a hole through your bag but you'd wait until you had a moment alone to open them. You could never seem to get the hang of using your knife to open it, you really needed to keep your eye out for a can opener.
"I'm Karen, by the way," the woman added. You'd almost forgotten she was there in your euphoria over finally getting some food.
"Y/N," you supplied, earning a smile from her. She walked over to the men then who seemed like they had all their stuff ready. You were still standing at a distance from the camp as the others who were awake spoke to the men, probably murmuring their goodbyes. You watched curiously as the blonde, Karen, toyed with the stocky man's vest, which looked a lot like a bullet proof vest that you were sure he wasn't wearing before. He said something you couldn't hear to her before she leaned up and kissed him softly. You felt for them. One of them was going to die and the other would be doomed to live with that pain. It's just how things were now.
You blew out a sigh as you waited, anxious to get going so you could leave and get on with things. You were also looking forward to going to the hunting store. You really needed a bow after you'd had to abandon your last one after your camp got overrun with the dead. The men finally walked over to you and you grabbed the straps of your backpack, adjusting it a little.
"Ready?" The stocky man asked. You nodded and the three of you set off. It was strange how well you'd learnt the lay of the land here. You weren't from St Lawrence County in New York, you'd been from the city. But when all hell broke loose, you knew being in an overpopulated city was the worst place to be. It would be the quickest way to die, or worse, get bit and turned into one of the dead. So you'd made a mad dash for your brother's apartment and the two of you took off. You’d looked at the map and tried to pick an area that was less populated, more rural. And that was how you ended up here. You’d met people along the way and slowly formed a group. But now you were the only one left. Your younger brother Sam had been the third to die. It wasn't even the dead that got him. He had a heart condition and it had been getting harder and harder to find the medication he needed. Eventually, there wasn’t any left. You swallowed thickly and tried not to think about it. Focusing on those you lost wouldn't do you any good, you always had to move on, keep pushing forward.
It was still dark outside as the three of you moved through the trees carefully, always keeping an ear out whether that was for other people or for the dead. You had no idea how this would all play out.
“So, you guys really think you can take all these dudes on?” you asked curiously. It had been a long time since you’d had to make conversation with anyone. You’d missed it and not missed it all at the same time. It was easy to find comfort in your loneliness, easier to look after yourself than have the burden of taking care of others too. To feel that crushing weight bear down on you when you couldn't help them and they wound up dead. But at the same time, it was hard. Being by yourself for such a long time had worn you down. You felt like you were in a vacuum. The dark-eyed man scoffed as he glanced at you.
“We don’t think it, we know it,” he wore a cocky smirk on his face but it didn't fill you with confidence. For all you knew, you were about to witness them being murdered. You wondered to yourself what you’d do if that happened. Would you go back to their group and let them know? Or would you just flee, leaving them never knowing what happened?
“Right…” you muttered, clearly sounding not very impressed.
“We know what we’re doin’. Former Marines, Spec Ops. Not our first rodeo,” the stocky man said. While he didn’t seem cocky, he did seem confident. You nodded thoughtfully, they looked the type. The type of guys who had seen some shit and probably had to do some shit. Then again, the same could probably be said about you at this point. You didn't think there was a person walking the earth that hadn’t been through hell at this point. It was a war of a different kind. The silence came back then as you led them through the forest, making you feel slightly on edge. The stocky man also seemed not to like the silence as he broke it abruptly after a while.
“I’m Frank and this is Billy,” he muttered, looking at you and then glancing to the dark-eyed man who was apparently Billy before back at you.
“Y/N,” you replied, much like you had with Karen.
“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Y/N,” Frank said with a wry smile and you snorted lightly.
“These assholes… they seem like they know how to handle their weapons?” Frank asked curiously. You didn't blame him, he obviously wanted as much information about the guys before he got there.
“Well, I mean they tried to kill me and failed pretty badly, so I’m gonna guess no on that one,” you huffed, rolling your eyes a little.
“Bunch of little boys playin’ with guns and knives, thinkin’ they’re big men,” Billy growled as he shook his head.
“Basically,” you shrugged. It didn't make you feel any better though. Maybe they weren’t as skilled as the men either side of you with their weapons, but they still had more numbers and more weapons. If they fired enough times, surely a shot would land. You kept glancing at Frank as you all walked, something itching in the back of your brain before the puzzle pieces all clicked together in place.
“What?” he asked warily after you just blinked at him for a moment.
“Nothing, I just… I knew I recognized you from somewhere but I’ve only just figured it out. You're the Punisher, right?” you asked carefully. You remembered bits and pieces on the news about him. You felt sorry for him, for what happened to his family and you couldn't quite blame him for the rampage he went on. He chuckled, looking away awkwardly as he nodded.
“Yeah… that’s me,” he muttered. You started to wonder if maybe they did have a chance after all. And maybe forging some kind of trading relationship wouldn't be too bad. The Punisher was definitely someone you wanted on your side and if you ever got into trouble with another group, and you had no doubt there would be others in the future because there was always more, maybe he’d be able to help you.
You carried on walking for a little under an hour before you slowed your pace a little, the surroundings feeling familiar as the hair on the back of your neck prickled up. The walk had been littered with small talk, mostly from Frank as his counterpart remained silent and brooding, on high alert at all times. Frank had told you the names of the people in his group, told you a little about how they all left the city. Much like you, they knew the city wasn't a good place to be and the man with shaggy hair who had been at the fire with Frank, Micro, had suggested here.
“We close?” Billy piped up for the first time, noticing your slowing pace.
“Yeah, it's not too far,” you murmured. You tried not to let the fear creep in, your throat burning like it was cut all over again and you tugged at the scarf you wore with a frown, readjusting it. You all heard them before you saw them. You had no idea how these assholes even survived for this long as they all laughed and hollered like they were having a party. You could see a faint glow from a campfire behind the trees on the other side of the creek.
“Alright, you stay here, out of sight,” Frank said, giving you a stern look as if you even needed to be told. You weren't going any further than this. You nodded, crouching behind a tree as you watched Frank ready his gun. Billy took the sniper from his back, getting on the floor on his stomach as he set it up behind a bush for cover. Frank walked further away, crossing the creek at enough distance not to be noticed. You took a shaky breath, now behind the tree and unable to see what was going on. It made you nervous. Your eyes drifted to Billy then, his sniper at the ready, his eyes laser focused across the creek. You weren't quite sure of their plan or how they were supposed to communicate to be in sync with one another but it didn't seem to matter. After a few beats of nothingness, the only noise coming from the assholes across the creek, Billy fired three shots in quick succession. You didn't see if they landed but the men all started yelling, no doubt scrambling for their weapons. The silencer hadn't made the shot completely soundless, it wasn't like the movies. But it was significantly quieter, enough to confuse the men about where the shots were coming from. You heard a few loud shots fired in the direction you and Billy were and you curled in on yourself, hoping the tree would protect you. But then you heard even more shots and you could only hope that Frank had joined the fray. Billy took some more shots and you covered your ears at each loud boom coming from across the creek, your eyes darting around rapidly as if waiting for the dead to descend on you all at the noise. When the shooting stopped, you hesitantly moved your hands from your ears and you heard a sharp whistle, much like the one Billy had done when he'd found you. Billy stood at the whistle, shouldering his sniper rifle. You stood on shaky legs, holding the tree for support as you looked over to Billy. He watched you with an unreadable expression for a second before gesturing with his head. He didn't spare you a word as he set off moving to cross the creek and you hurried to keep up with his long strides. You didn't care about getting wet and this part of the creek was fairly shallow, coming only to your mid-calf.
When you got to the camp the men had been staying at, the place was littered with bodies, Frank standing among them as he waited for you both.
"Goddamn, Frankie," Billy grinned, shaking his head as he took in the carnage rather gleefully.
"Told you we'd get it done," Frank smirked at you.
"You definitely did," you muttered wryly, glancing at all the bodies. You didn't feel bad for them one bit after what they'd done to you, what you knew they'd probably done to countless others. Death didn't bother you like it had in the old world, not when you were surrounded with it constantly. You spied something on the floor next to one of the men and crouched, seeing a pocket knife. You swiped it off the muddy floor, checking it quickly and grinning to yourself when you saw a can opener. You stood up, quickly stuffing it into your jeans pocket and catching Frank's slightly amused look at you.
"Well, a deal's a deal. You helped us out here so you get first pick of all this shit," he murmured and you gave him a nod. You didn't waste time, knowing the dead would be ambling their way towards you pretty soon after all the noise. You dug through bags, picking out some cans and other bits and pieces, shoving them into your backpack. You wanted to take as much as you could but you couldn't overburden yourself. You still needed to get around easily. You shoved about 10 cereal bars into your bag and a few bottles of water too. It would last you for a little bit and it was more than what you currently had which was close to nothing. You grabbed one last can of tomato soup before you moved to sit on a log near the campfire that was still burning.
"Go nuts," you said dismissively, grabbing your new pocket knife as you opened the can. Frank and Billy got to work, grabbing some of the men's bags, emptying them out before filling them back up themselves. You took some greedy gulps of the cold soup, watching them shoulder the large backpacks of food before grabbing some duffles and starting to gather up some of the weapons and ammo.
It was as you just finished your soup that you heard the telltale groans of the dead floating through the forest. You stood up quickly, throwing on your backpack and seeing the men thinking the same as they grabbed the duffle bags. You all quickly walked back through the creek to the other side before you set off back to their camp. You didn't need to worry about the dead on your heels, knowing they'd be distracted by the meals you'd left them. With each step you took, you felt a little lighter. Ever since you'd run into those assholes months ago and they'd left you for dead, you'd been feeling like a skittish animal. The reason why you'd been so starving was because the stores in the area were getting scarcer off food and when you went the last time, the gang of men had been there. Not feeling like having your throat slit again, you'd avoided it like the plague. You didn't have to worry about them anymore, didn't have to sneak around and keep tabs on them so you could always stay one step ahead. But you knew the relief would be short-lived because there would always be another group to take their place. You'd quickly learnt that nothing brought out the worst in humanity as much as the downfall of civilization. There was the added threat of the dead ones walking around but after living this life for so long, you worried far less about the dead ones than the living. The dead were like animals, operating on pure base primal instinct and the drive for food. They were predictable. The living however were far worse. They were unpredictable, selfish, greedy, desperate and deadly. There were worse things than death in this life. Getting taken out by one of the dead was one of the easiest ways to go now, but you'd just take some respite from the harsh reality of the new world while you had it. Whatever came for you next, you'd deal with it when it came to it.
Taglist: (if you’ve been asked to be tagged and aren’t here, it wouldn’t let me tag some people.)
@firexfate
@blanchedelioncourt
@ariesbutalibra
@sunshinedaisies-anddeath
@snowkestrel
@music-indie-tv
@idaofinfinity
@sweetserendipity65
@ramadiiiisme
@k-marzolf
@celestialams
@woowwwee
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"The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess" by Chappell Roan Sentence Starters
FEMININOMENON
"Same old story, time again."
"Got so close but then you lost it."
"Should've listened to your friends."
"He/she/they disappeared from the second that you said: 'Let's get coffee, let's meet up'."
"I'm so sick of online love."
"Can you play a song with a fucking beat?"
"Make a bitch go on and on."
"So let's say it's working out."
"You pretend to love his/her/their mother."
"Lying to your friends about he's/she's/they're such a goddamn good lover."
"Got what you wanted so stop feeling sorry."
"You know what I mean."
"You know what you need."
"But does it happen?"
RED WINE SUPERNOVA
"She was a playboy, Brigitte Bardot."
"She/he/they showed me things I didn't know."
"I'm in the hallway waiting for ya."
"I just want you to make a move."
"I just wanna get to know ya."
"Guess I didn't quite think it through."
"Fell in love with the thought of you."
"Baby, why don't you come over?"
"I don't care that you're a stoner."
"Fall right into me."
"I like what you like."
"That's my type."
"I will cause I really want to."
AFTER MIDNIGHT
"Nothing good happens when it's late and you're dancing alone."
"It's not attractive. Wearing that dress and red lipstick."
"This is what I wanted, this is what I like."
"I've been a good, good girl for a long time."
"Baby, I like flirting, a lover by my side."
"I'm feeling kinda freaky, maybe it's the club lights."
"Maybe it's the moonlight."
"I kinda wanna kiss your boyfriend if you don't mind."
"Let's watch the sunrise."
"Everything good happens after midnight."
"That's my type of fun, that's my kind of party."
"I kinda wanna kiss your girlfriend if you don't mind."
"I love a little drama."
"Let's start a bar fight."
"I'll make a move."
"Then we're making out."
COFFEE
"Can't meet you for dinner."
"It's where I met your family."
"Some words were exchanged."
"We know where that leads."
"I'll meet you coffee."
"If we have wine you'll say that you want me."
"I know that's a lie."
"If I didn't love you it would be fine."
"Nowhere else is safe."
"Every place leads back to your place."
"I love the park."
"That may be true."
"Here comes the excuses that fuel the illusions."
"But I'd rather feel something than nothing at all."
"We've done this before and I don't need it anymore."
"It's never just coffee."
CASUAL
"My friends call me a loser."
"I'm still hanging around."
"I've heard so many rumors."
"I'm just a girl/guy that you bang on your couch."
"I thought you thought of me better."
"You said, 'we're not together'."
"Now when we kiss, I have anger issues."
"Is it casual now?"
"I know what you tell your friends."
"I love being stupid."
"It's hard being casual."
"I try to be the chill girl/guy that holds her/his/their tongue and gives you space."
"I try to be the chill girl/guy but, honestly, I'm not."
"I hate that I let this drag on so long."
"Now I hate myself."
"You can go to hell."
SUPER GRAPHIC ULTRA MODERN GIRL
"You know what they say."
"Never waste a Friday night on a first date."
"He/she/they didn't ask a single question."
"He/she/they was/were wearing these fugly jeans."
"It doesn't matter though."
"He/she/they do(es)n't have what it takes to be with a girl/guy like me."
"Not overdramatic. I know what I want."
"I'm through with all these hyper mega bummer boys like you."
"We're hot, we're drunk."
"At every party, we're the party, shaking our asses."
"Making out while the world collapses."
HOT TO GO!
"I could be the one, or your new addiction."
"It's all in my head but I want non-fiction."
"I don't want the world, but I'll take this city."
"Who can blame a girl?"
"Call me hot, not pretty."
"Do you like this beat? I made it so you'd dance with me."
"It's like a hundred ninety-nine degrees."
"I woke up alone staring at my ceiling."
"I try not to care but it hurts my feelings."
"You don't have to stare."
"No one's touched me there in a damn hot minute."
"What's it take to get your number?"
"What's it take to bring you home?"
"Is anyone else hot?"
"You coming home with me?"
"I'll call the cab."
MY KINK IS KARMA
"We broke up on a Tuesday."
"Kicked me out with the rent paid."
"Who knew that we'd let it get this bad when it ended?"
"It's comical, bridges you burn."
"Karma's real, hope it's your turn."
"You're losing it lately."
"It's hot when you have a meltdown."
"It's coming around."
"People say I'm jealous but my kick is watching you ruin your life."
"Wishing you the best, in the worst way."
"Six months since April and I'm doing better."
"No need to be hateful in your fake Gucci sweater."
"It's hot when you're going through hell."
PICTURE YOU
"Counting lipstick stains where you should be."
"I need you around."
"I'm getting close now."
"Do you picture me like I picture you?"
"Am I in the frame from your point of view?"
"Do you feel the same?"
KALEIDOSCOPE
"Here we go again."
"Everything is fine."
"I guess we could pretend we didn't cross a line."
"But ever since that day everything has changed."
"If you really wanna leave, I'll never make you stay."
"Whatever you decide, I will understand."
"It will all be fine."
"And just go back to being friends."
"Love is a kaleidoscope."
"How it works, I'll never know."
"Well, I'd love to see them try."
"There's no one else who could."
"The only one is you."
PINK PONY CLUB
"I know you wanted me to stay."
"I'm having wicked dreams."
"I swear it's calling me."
"Won't make my mama proud."
"It's gonna cause a scene."
"God, what have you done?"
"I'm just having fun."
"It's where I belong."
"I'm up and jaws are on the floor."
"Every night's another reason why I left it all."
"I thank my wicked dreams."
"Don't think I've left you all behind."
"You're always on my mind."
"I'm gonna keep on dancing."
NAKED IN MANHATTAN
"I know you're probably busy, but I would love to see you."
"I'll never cross the line."
"I'd love if you knew you were on my mind."
"We both know we're getting drunk tonight."
"Baby, put your lips on mine."
"Could go to hell but we'll probably be fine."
"I've never done it."
"Let's make it cinematic."
"We both have a crush on Regina George."
"You love peach and ice cream."
"You can try things."
"An inch away from more than just friends."
"If I don't try, then it's my loss."
"Won't you fucking touch me?"
"I want more than you know."
CALIFORNIA
"I was never told that I wasn't gonna get the things I want the most."
"If it hasn't happened yet, then maybe you should go."
"I'd make you proud."
"I almost had it going, but I let you down."
"Too hard to find reasons to stay."
"Even true love could not persuade."
"Come get me out."
GUILTY PLEASURE
"Think back to what you said."
"Sometimes I scare myself."
"But I can't help what I can't help."
"So shame on me and shame on you."
"I want this like a cigarette."
"Ca we drag it out and never quit?"
"You are heaven sent."
"You're a pothead."
"You're a cinephile."
#rp memes#rp starters#rp prompts#rp lyric meme#lyric starters#lyric prompts#sentence starters#roleplay starters#roleplay prompts#not the old me. 2.0 me. no it's all of meme combined (ask meme)#when there was me and queue (queue)
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