#and i do particularly think being decent to other people is important | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wen-kexing-apologist · 5 months

Note

ngl i am waiting for you to write about physical touch and HANDS in last twilight *insert manifestation circle.gif here*

Not gonna lie, as much as I have been enjoying Last Twilight, I haven't felt all that inspired to write about it, but it has been making me feel all warm and fuzzy now that people are reaching out and asking for my thoughts. Turns out people actually seem to enjoy my horrendously long posts!

Alright, I will talk about physical touch and hands in Last Twilight, but before I get too far in to it, I just want to say, I love the use of physical touch in shows, but I will dare to claim the use of physical touch seems particularly important, and especially complicated in Last Twilight, compared to most of the other shows I've written about. Why?

Because Day is blind, and Mhok is his caretaker, and if you are remotely aware of disability, the autonomy of disabled people, the privacy of disabled people, the survival of disabled people are often disrupted by abled bodied people. I saw a post somewhere, sorry I can't find it, where someone mentioned the rates of abuse of disabled people by their caretakers and how that might weigh in to Day's reaction to touching a shirtless Mhok in Episode 2.

So.

With Day's blindness, grief, and intentional isolation, as well as his family's anxiety, how much control has Day really had over his own life in the last year? As @bengiyo said in Episode 1, "Day's brashness in the interview when he asks Mhok if he's hot sounds like a gay man knowing that he is about to be touched a lot by a stranger" [not a direct quote, apologies].

Episode 1

gif from @dragonsareawesome123

The first physical touch we get between Day and Mhok is when Mhok touches Day's chin, making a comment that essentially boils down to Day having a punchable face. You can see how shocked Day is to feel Mhok's thumb on him. But the motion is quick, light, and slightly flirty (though maybe I'm reading a bit in to that last one since I know this is a BL). While Day seems taken aback, he doesn't seem uncomfortable with the touch at all, moreso, to me at least, he seems surprised that Mhok *isn't* shying away from touching Day after Day so loudly and blatantly declared his queerness and hit on Mhok.

photo from @thescrumptiousstuffs

The second physical touch we get is when Day leaves his car and winds up on the street with traffic whizzing past. Mhok pulls Day off the street when Day gets overwhelmed and Day goes crashing in to Mhok. I don't remember them staying pressed together for too long, but there is a moment where Mhok is embracing Day. Mhok's hands go to Day's hips while Day's hand rests on Mhok's chest near his collarbone. From my view, this is a decently intimate position for relative strangers, but they don't feel uncomfortable in it. Which is a great hint that Mhok and Day are going to become more to each other. Mhok does something here that I do think is important, which is to tell Day who is he, so Day knows he isn't being manhandled by a *complete* stranger. And though I suspect the biggest reason why Day ends up being driven home by Mhok is because Day wants to be away from Night, it cannot be denied that Day already has some modicum of trust in this random, crass man that burst in for an interview just the other day. Because, as we know, Mhok was really the only person who interacted with Day without falling victim to pity, inspiration porn, or infantilization.

The third physical touch I consider important is when Day's mother stops him from standing up. I've been reading @waitmyturtles PhD level thesis on Bad Buddy so filial piety and saving face is pretty present on my mind. I think it is important to acknowledge that Day does have some autonomy, but where he exercises it is very clear. He can leverage his blindness and his bad experiences with past caretakers to get what he wants out of his mother, and he can double, triple, quadruple the caretaker salary without consulting his mother. But when it comes to physical movement, he listens to his mother, but not to Night. Night tells him to stay in the car, and Day almost immediately leaves the car and goes in to the Society. Day gets out in the middle of traffic after a fight with Night, even after Night begs him to stay in the car. But that moment of challenge from Mhok where he tells Day to come get his ID himself, and Day starts to stand, everything stops dead in its tracks at the first light touch of his mother's hand on Day's chest. So, despite the moments of anger and rebellion we see from Day, he still listens to his mother.

gif from @dragonsareawesome123

And then Day moves to get his ID, and here is where I will mention a moment where there was not any touch. Which, probably could be an essay in and of itself, but I don't have the capacity at the moment, on this airplane, to comb through all the scenes and look for it. But here, this one feels important, because Day takes the ID from Mhok, but Mhok does not let go right away. Their fingers are so close, and in a lot of movies, the handing over of an item would usually involve some sort of moment where fingertips brush and a shockwave of electricity ripples through the future couple. But we don't get that here. The moment of connection, the moment that Day really knows he can trust Mhok, the moment Day decides he is going to hire Mhok has nothing to do with touch, and everything to do with sound. He hears Mhok read Chapter 21 of The Little Prince, a book that is desperately important to Day, and that is that. And I do think it is important that these little touches that we've had, and where we break from the romance tradition for touch are important. Because, I think it is totally fine for feelings to grow between Mhok and Day rather quickly, but I do not think it would have been wise to show Mhok having some sort of actual crush on Day from the beginning. If Mhok had some sort of romantic or sexually attractive feelings for Day before he started working there, that would, in my opinion, read as predatory in some sense. Especially looking ahead to Episode 2, when Mhok is shirtless in Day's room.

Because, the thing about physical touch in television is that a lot of different elements go in to selling it as romantic chemistry. One of the most important components is timing and close up. As a side note, I think timing is a huge factor in to why I did not enjoy Perth and Chimon together in Dangerous Romance (before I dropped it) because the camera just never lingered long enough on their faces or on their touches for me to believe they had feelings for each other. But, by Episode 3 of Last Twilight I can see the care and the chemistry between Mhok and Day. I can see the comfortability that Mhok and Day have from almost the very beginning of knowing each other, but I don't take much of their physical interactions to be sexually charged or romantic in Episode 1. Why would they be? These two don't know each other. By generally avoiding zooming in on just Day and Mhok's hands when they touch, by having Mhok grabbing Day's chin with his thumb quickly and lightly you aren't building to tension. Aof is merely demonstrating that physical touch between Day and Mhok is welcomed and Day is not going to be uncomfortable with having Mhok take care of him.

So we head in to Episode 2 with the understanding that there is some fundamental aspect of Mhok that Day is drawn to, and that Mhok and Day are going to get along.

Episode 2

Now, as much as I have loved the rapidly developing relationship between Mhok and Day, I do kind of wish we had had a full episode's worth of two angry, grieving people coming head to head. But, regardless, Aof handles the transition between casual touch and Something More with expert precision. Unsurprising, considering his oeuvre.

gif by @mooninaugust

So we get absolutely my favorite touch moment to date in Episode 2 with the absolutely terrible secret handshake between two blind people. I love how Mhok is witness to this moment of excitement and friendship between Day and Aon, and that we are too. Because it shows us where Mhok currently stands in Day's hierarchy of relationships. Mhok at the beginning of Episode 2 is still an acquaintance, some dude they hired because he cursed the family out and read The Little Prince during his interview process. The cut scene between Mhok saying Day might not want to see him, and Aon and Day hugging and doing their stupid loser handshake (I love them) shows Mhok and the audience that Day does have joy within him, and that Day is starting to build friendship and connection within his new (read: blind) community. We won't know until a little later in the episode how much Day has been cutting himself off from his old life, but for the time being Mhok knows his place in Day's life.

And Aon picks up on the fact that there is *something* even if it is not necessarily romantic there between Mhok and Day, again not by seeing anything physical between them because a) Mhok and Day did not touch in front of Aon and b) Aon would not have been able to see it anyway. But instead calls out the fact that Day has never talked about a single one of his caregivers before. We know now (and definitely should know already) that Mhok is different from other people Day has engaged with since he started going blind. We just haven't had time for their relationship to mature.

photo from @thatgirl4815

If I recall correctly, the first physical touch between Mhok and Day we get in Episode 2 is when Day accidentally touches Mhok's titty while searching for the eye drops. You can see Day recoil in shock a bit and he questions Mhok almost immediately as to why his shirt is off. Mhok is incredibly matter-of-fact in explaining that Day said he didn't like the smell of cigarettes, so he took his shirt off so as not to stink up Day's room (we can ignore the fact that he would still smell like cigs, but we ignore it For The Vine) and Day relaxes and makes some sort of annoyed comment. Again here, there is no romantic attraction in this rather intimate touch. I mean, this is Mhok's what? Second or third day? Mhok and Day barely know each other, Mhok is constantly fucking up the Whole Routine because he isn't communicating with Day about what Day's needs are, and here he is in his employer's room having his pec fondled. This is supposed to read as funny, and ultimately I think it does, but it doesn't read as romantic, and it definitely should not. What has Mhok done up to this point that would cause Day to have Genuine Romantic Feelings for him? Nothing.

photo from @moonchildridden

Again, the first hint that feelings may be approaching comes outside of the touch, with Mhok seeing how excited Day is to use those few precious seconds of better vision to watch his goldfish. And even moreso, it's not just the action that I think start the train rolling, but the conversation that Mhok has with Day where he asks if the goldfish is lonely. Mhok is able to con Day in to leaving his room by leveraging the health and safety of one of the few things Mhok has seen Day care about and connect with in the short time they've known each other. Day gets outside for the first time in god knows how long, to find that the jasmine is in bloom and to have a lovely conversation with Mhok about it. Mhok asks about Day's vision, how he sees, what he can see, and he tries to adapt to Day's necessary distance requirements. Day of course, has his head turned away and thus does not see Mhok coming in to Day's eyesight range, and bumps his nose against the top of Mhok's finger.

This little, accidental movement is one of my favorites of the episode, mostly because it opens up the conversation where Day asks what Mhok is doing and Mhok asks if Day wants to see his face. And this scene establishes exactly what I mean about timing as it relates to building sexual tension. Day ponders for a moment, the camera lingers on his face, the audience begins to feel like Day is caught off-guard, like maybe he does have some sort of crush on Mhok and he does want to see his face. Only for Day to break that tension right before it gets awkwardly long and tell Mhok he does not. This is closer to the shit that friends would pull. And thus we see that in a very quick period of time Mhok is becoming more important in Day's life as a waypoint. He is listening to Mhok, he has a slight bit of banter going with Mhok when they watch a movie, and even after Day fires Mhok (for the physical touches I will talk about next) Mhok's influence on Day's general day to day (haha) existence is clear in the fact that Day is sitting on the couch and trying to pick a movie entirely independently of anyone.

Things are starting to go smoothly, when Day's friends show up asking when he got back from America. Day panics at the unexpected arrival of friends who seem not to know about his condition, spills his popcorn, and falls to the floor, where he is desperately scrambling to get back on his feet and Get The Fuck Out. Mhok tries to help him up, but he's pretty quickly brushed off. This is the first time we see Day reject a touch from Mhok. Knowing what I know now about where we end up in Episode 3, I am realizing how important this entire scene (from Day tripping to Mhok getting fired) is for establishing a comparison point for change. Because the unwanted touch continues when Mhok breaks in to Day's room, also in a panic when Day is bathing.

gif by @btwinlines

We get such a juicy moment of Mhok and Day's trauma clashing with each other in a way that is unintentionally terrible all around. Day does not know about Mhok's backstory, Day does not know that by putting in his headphones and intentionally ignoring Mhok he is accidentally triggering Mhok regarding the death of his sister. Mhok knows that Day is upset, but only hears the room fall quiet, he does not know that Day is in the bathtub (read: naked) when he comes barging in. Again, to reference the post whoever it was made that talked about the rates of abuse/assault of disabled people by caregivers, this is a horrifically vunerable position that Day finds himself in. Mhok is far enough away from Day's range of vision for Day to see him immediately duck behind a wall to give Day privacy while he wraps himself in a towel. And before Day can really process what is happening, with both his emotions and Mhok's running high, Mhok is grabbing at Day's wrists to check them for cuts. A beautiful (and terrible) detail.

Personally, I do not think anyone's reaction to that situation is wrong, but it does give Day a second round of extremely uncomfortable and unwelcome touching from Mhok, when he's already escalated, and trying to process the fact that Mhok just barged in to his room while Day was naked and got a little peek. Here Day demonstrates that he does have autonomy, and that Mhok respects that autonomy with Day firing Mhok after two particularly awful physical interactions, and with Mhok not even saying a word in protest and just accepting his termination and leaving the house.

photo from @thescrumptiousstuffs

Now. Mhok isn't completely going out fighting, and Mhok I think has really started to realize that he cares for Day (even if he doesn't necessarily have feelings at this point) because of how badly he was triggered by Day falling silent. Mhok is a thoughtful person and respects Day's boundaries by sending Porjai to the house instead of going himself. Much to Day's chagrin, because the second the doorbell rings, you can see this hopeful look that maybe Mhok is going to walk through that door. Porjai hands Day the present Mhok bought him, and Mhok does hold the slippers close, but he relies heavily on his hands to feel the slippers to figure out what they are and what they look like. He knows immediately that Mhok has been paying attention and trying to get to know Day immediately because the slippers solve the problem Day has had with hitting his feet on furniture corners, and the slippers look like goldfish, one of the few things Day has seemed to care about since knowing Mhok.

Beyond the fact that I think Day already felt bad about what happened the other day and regrets firing Mhok, this really does demonstrate to Day that people still care about him, want to get to know him, and understand that adaptation is a constant in Day's new reality. But Mhok takes it further, by committing to the motherfucking bit to understand Day better.

Aside: I fucking *love* Aof for how often his stories focus on the overlooked or disenfranchised people, and I think that while it is going to be a feat for Last Twilight to become my favorite Aof piece considering how important Moonlight Chicken is to me, the backstories of Mhok and Day and the way they inform character decisions is perhaps my favorite of all of the shows I've seen of Aof's. I *love* the conversation that Mhok and Aon have where Aon says Day is scared of being looked at and judged by people, and how Mhok is like "why?" because he has spent the last year a visible criminal, trying to get a job, and being constantly rejected for exactly the reason he thinks. Mhok has spent so much time and energy over the last year trying to reintegrate himself in to society, while Day has spent so much time and energy over the last year trying to remove himself from society as completely as he can. Even if I am not sure that he believes it wholly, I do think Mhok understands that he isn't an inherently bad person because he was locked up, but that he is a victim of circumstance, and yet even reformed from his truancy past, Mhok found it impossible to get a job because people stopped caring about him as a person the second they saw his ankle monitor. Thus, Mhok knows exactly what it is like to be written off, to be abandoned, to be forgotten and I think it is for precisely those reasons that Mhok decides to spend the time and effort to understand the world that Day is living in.

The ankle monitor has served as an embarrassment for Mhok in such a way that I truly do not think Mhok is concerned about seeming like a complete and utter fool. And even so, he starts to understand the fear that Day is living with existing as a blind person in public, because Mhok is extremely used to seeing what people think of him without them having to say anything, and now he has no idea.

gif by @btwinlines

Which I think is a good segue in to the next physical touch we get, which is Day feeling Mhok's face in the marketplace after he asks Porjai to take him there. Again, the distance of the camera, the timing of the movement does not come off as romantic, at least to me. But it does come off as comfortable. I think Day is fucking with Mhok a little bit when he touches his face, and we don't actually acknowledge or get any conversation around the way Day has just demonstrated what it feels like to be touched without warning.

And YET AGAIN Aof has their bond strength not through touch, but through conversation. Because they aren't falling for each other yet, they are still learning about one another. And so they have a conversation where Mhok apologies and Mhok explains what he was trying to do and Mhok identifies what it is that makes Day so afraid of being in public. And we end Episode 2 with Mhok being re-hired as Day's caregiver. But wait!

Remember the last touch we get in Episode 1 is not a touch at all, it's Day taking his ID back from Mhok. Well, the last touch we get in Episode 2 is not a touch at all, it's Day throwing his hands to the sky on the back of Mhok's motorcycle and letting the wind hit his face. It's Day sitting on the complete opposite side of a glass tank, and using his moment of improved vision to catch a glimpse of Mhok. They aren't touching, yet we end the episode with the understanding that Day and Mhok have strengthened their relationship and are on the fast road to friendship. Personally, I feel like it is extremely responsible of Aof to not treat touching a blind person or having a blind person touch you as inherently romantic, and to have the more stomach swoopy moments come from actions and observations entirely devoid of touch. But, I'm not blind so I don't know how much something like that might actually matter to blind people who are engaging with this story.

Episode 3

IT IS TIME FOR FEELINGS!

There are so many physical touches in this episode. The first we get is Mhok unwrapping a bandage on Day's foot, with Day looking extremely at peace with the action. The second we get is Mhok kind of poking at Day and then jokingly moving to pick Day up when he refuses to start cleaning his room. Day doesn't seem like a person generally fond of man-handling, but you can tell very easily that Mhok is just fucking with Day because Day fucked with Mhok. We are witnessing friendship! Which persists throughout the entire episode.

photo by @athousandbyeol

I like too that Mhok using the blindfold to better understand Day is not a one and done situation. Again there are a few friendly touch moments that do not at all read as romantic.Mhok steals Day’s sunglasses and is perfectly at peace with Day feeling up his face to try to see if the sunglasses Mhok is wearing are his; and when Mhok's hand envelopes Day's when they are trying to guess the shirts in Day's closet by feel alone. Day does not tense up, he doesn't suck in a breath, he doesn't really let that touch linger. He shakes it off quickly and is like "that's my hand". And again, as an aside (I hope this does not come across inappropriately but) I kinda like that Mhok is almost gamifying Day's blindness. What I mean by that is that Day and Mhok are engaging in friendly competition to see who can accurately guess the article of clothing. It seems like a great way to bring some joy and levity to helping Day get better at understanding his surroundings without the use of his vision.

I am an absolute sucker for couples in shows that have an established friendship beforehand. I don't mean friends to lovers necessarily, but too often in BLs I have noticed that romantic interests are only ever that and we don't get a lot of moments of stupidity, tomfoolery, and fun. So you better believe I was living my best life in the next physical touch scene when Day and Mhok are fighting with the dinosaur costumes on. And this is where the physical touches start to change, because we start without physical touch and end with it, where we have up until this point been ending every moment of connection and relationship progression ending without touch.

gif by @raypakorn

For the dinosaur fight, we get the non-romantic, entirely platonic assistive touch of Mhok helping (poorly) to guide Day to the driveway (this fucker was so ready to wrestle he forgot to tell Day to mind the stairs at first lmfao). The actual point of connection starts with Mhok intentionally trying to dive out of the way of Day’s touch. And once again Mhok Day’s blindness to elevate a game between them, by clapping and then diving out of the way to try to avoid Day’s movements. But that avoidance of physical interaction very quickly devolves in to a wrestling embrace, laughing, having fun, and then settling on the ground to chat until Day hears his mother’s car and they run back inside to hide the evidence of childish glee.

Day’s mother returns to find a very different Day from who she left, he’s out of his room, he’s eating in the dining room, he’s seeming much more confident in his ability to navigate around the house. And of course, she has to go and ruin the moment by pushing too quickly on a nerve about going back to school. Day wants to withdraw from school and he needs to go in person.

Now.

We have seen Day taking massive strides in his own healing process in the last few episodes because he is starting to ask for help when he needs it, and Mhok is getting better at caretaking because he is started to ask if Day wants help for certain tasks or if Day is going to do them himself, thus allowing Day to set his limitations. Knowing that Day is going in to school, he asks Mhok to help him fix up his hair, and we get the first of many more crush-level physical touches in the show.

gif by @jimmysea

I’m not Thai, so forgive me if this is wrong, but I am pretty sure that in Thai culture the head is considered sacred and having people touch your head carries a significance that I do not think Western audiences really understand (speaking as a Western viewer). If this is indeed true, then the scene where Mhok is fixing Day’s hair gets even more intense, even when there is a clear change in Mhok’s view of Day from friendly to starting to see something more. Mhok even makes a comment about how Day is a stunner (or something) when his hair is done, and when Mhok asks Day if he likes it and Day returns the question, there is a pause that is not at all dissimilar to the pause Day had after Mhok asked him if Day wanted to know what Mhok looked like.

But where the tension from Episode 2 when Mhok asks the question is broken in a way that makes it seem more like Day is just teasing, I don’t think Mhok’s deflection of “it’s alright” really returns the same level of dismissal. Because Mhok is starting to realize something about the way he is feeling for Day.

We get the inside of the Thai subway for the first time in maybe ever? As Mhok and Day make their way to Day’s college. And thus the not-a-date-kind-of-a-date adventure begins. Day is clinging on to Mhok’s arm as they navigate on to the subway car, at which point Mhok breaks off from Day to try to ask for a seat for Day. But Day grabs him and pulls him back, choosing instead of hold on to Mhok’s arm. Like I have been saying, Aof has been doing a really great job at differentiating the types of touches, and up until this point, the more intimate touches between Mhok and Day, such as when Day feels Mhok’s titty in his bedroom or Mhok’s face at the market, don’t read as romantic, because Day is taking in information to supplement his vision. Similarly, the moments where Day is holding on to Mhok for assistance in environmental navigation, such as when Mhok helps guide Day to his professor’s office or helps him down the stairs the physical touch is matter-of-fact on both ends.

photo by @athousandbyeol

But here, in the subway, we get the first instance of physical touch from an environmental navigation standpoint that reads more like a man who is developing a crush rather than Day just being guided…

…but that comes from Day, not from Mhok. Which I appreciate massively from the standpoint of ensuring that Mhok as the caretaker does not appear to be taking advantage of Day. In the subway, Day could have sat down, he didn’t need to stay standing, he didn’t need to continue holding on to Mhok. But he chooses to do that. He chooses to keep his arm linked tightly with Mhok’s, he chooses to get a little flirty with Mhok when he says as long as Mhok stays close to him, that’s all Day needs. And we get the close up of Mhok and Day’s hands when Mhok moves to tap Day’s hand gently, and the shot lingers. Because things are starting to change.

I said in a previous reblog last week when Episode 3 came out that Aof does this really interesting thing in his direction and cinematography when characters share intimate moments, in that he breaks from his standard visual format. The lighting often changes, the camera isn’t held as steady, the moments are zoomed in much closer than we are used to. We get it with Heart and Li Ming playing that spider game with their fingers the night that Li Ming sleeps over and we get it in the subway when Day stumbles slightly and swallows hard, embarrassed and avoiding eye contact while Mhok looks at Day kind of fondly.

gif by @taeminie

So we see the spark in the subway and then watch that spark begin to catch when they end up in the dressing room together. Day and Mhok both establish that they have never been in a dressing room with another person to cut the tension and nerves a bit. Afterall, this is the first time that we’ve seen where Mhok is getting up close and personal with Day’s partially nude body, when they are both calm, collected, and not amidst a panic attack about a potential medical emergency. No one is feeling violated, no one is feeling scared, no one is having their privacy forcibly removed from them. But that makes them all that more aware of how they are feeling, physically, when they are touching and being touched.

And we get a secondary Aof Camerawork Moment where the style of shot changes and we get that gorgeous zoom in on Mhok’s hands and Day’s chest when Mhok helps Day back in to his shirt. And isn’t it wonderful that the most sensual and intimate moment that we have seen from Mhok and Day so far is putting Day’s clothes back on?

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Check out @btwinlines’ post about this scene.

Day and Mhok continue their day, find the Last Twilight book, and are hanging about the market where Mhok leaves Day standing against a pole while he runs to grab a drink. As a result, we get a bombardment of physical touch, the most overwhelming to date because Day is getting just absolutely shunted around, bumping elbows and shoulders with the people at the market with no idea of where he is or where he is going. And this is where we really get an understanding of how terrible physical touch can be when you don’t have any bearing of your surroundings and can’t see where people are coming from or anticipate contact.

We got a scene in Episode 1 where we see how dangerous being blind has the potential to be, but Day isn’t being touched by anybody at that point until he is pulled off the street by Mhok. But this time while Day does have a moment where he is in more physical danger because he stumbles on to the street, he is relatively much more safe getting lost in the marketplace than when he ran out on to the street in Episode 1, cause the few cars that are present are moving slow and know to be looking out for pedestrians. Day is grabbed and directed by random strangers who are trying to help him and kind of just…drag him along until he is out of the street when he is visibly panicking and then just…left on the side of the road with an offhanded statement from strangers that he is “safe now” and they just…leave him alone and continue on their way. Even there, with a helpful touch, there is no safety or comfortability in Day’s posture, he is not calmed by hearing that he is safe. Which serves as a really great comparison point for how comfortable Day has pretty much always been with Mhok (minus the one moment of severe dysregulation after being surprised by his friends and then by Mhok when Day was buck ass naked).

Especially when compared to the relief that just rushes through Day’s body when he and Mhok are reunited and they embrace.

AND LIKE OKAY, CAN I GO ON A BRIEF TANGENT TO TALK ABOUT THE PINK SHIRT?

gif by @tomystars

You know how in a lot of romances you get that moment where you get the like, love at first sight thing? Time slows down, one half of the romantic pair picks the other half of the romantic pair out of the crowd? WE GET THAT HERE, WITH THE BLIND CHARACTER BEING THE ONE WHO PICKS THE FUTURE LOVE INTEREST OUT OF THE CROWD.

The pink shirt is brilliant, and I love how it both acts as an anchor point for Day who is able to calm down upon seeing it, and not panic or freak out when being grabbed and embraced by Mhok after having a decently traumatic experience with physical touch just minutes before while also reaffirming that Mhok is learning and internalizing the adaptations he needs to incorporate in to his own life to make Day’s daily life easier and more accessible. Mhok understands how Day’s vision functions, he remembers that Day has said he could see that shirt from Mars it’s so bright, and he provides an in for Day to maintain his autonomy by making it possible for Day to potentially see Mhok before Mhok sees Day.

ANYWAY

@athousandbyeol

The embrace they share when Day and Mhok are reunited is not charged, is not romantic, at least not to me. But what it does show is how much care Day and Mhok have for each other, how quickly their friendship is developing, and the safe spaces these two will find in the other. Day calms so quickly the second he and Mhok are touching, as soon as he has an anchor. And he won’t let go of Mhok either.

Aof and co have been playing well with dichotomies, here, a situation that pulls Day and Mhok physically apart ends up bringing them emotionally closer together. It is clear that Day does not blame Mhok for what happened, even if Mhok was gone much longer than anticipated, and that is affirmed by Day defending Mhok to his mother when she questions Mhok’s caretaking skills and holds his criminal record over his head.

And, let’s not forget, this is just writing about the physical touch, this post does not discuss whether or not the lack of touch is important. I wrote a decent chunk of this in the airport without wifi, so I could only talk about physical touch from memory, I didn't rewatch anything like I normally do, so apologies if I missed stuff.

#last twilight #last twilight the series #last twilight meta #last twilight analysis #jimmysea #mhokday #mhok x day #morkday #mork x day #physical touch in last twilight #sorry for the delay anon I know you sent this ask the other day #but fun fact it does take me an ungodly number of hours to write things so I hope you did not feel ignored #wka long post

206 notes · View notes

reel-fear · 2 months

Text

Bendy And The Power Of Representation

So those graphic novel pages huh? Seems I posted my cover post at just the right time because literally minutes after I was informed the preview pages came out and uh. This is Buddy and Norman!

Oh dear... I'll put the full graphic novel pages down below but I have so much to say on how awful this is it'll need several posts. However, right now I want to mostly talk about representation and briefly touch on why it's so damn important + inform others about the current shit Mike and Meatly are saying about the books n such.

Now note: All the things I'm saying below are based on my personal experience, maybe some people don't care about seeing the representation of their identities in the media they consume. Maybe some will think I'm merely being dramatic and I might be but I'm not lying when I say I personally believe being represented and seen in the media you consume can be one of the most wonderful feelings in the world.

Look I'm not here to argue with people who think that Norman in particular was never meant to be a person of color, I would argue he is very coded but the points I'm making here are not about how Norman particularly had to be black. The point I want to make is the lack of diversity in our cast in general and how Norman's design has heavily dwindled it considering most people [including myself] rightfully assumed he was at least one of three black characters in our cast. Not according to this though and looking at the the rest of the pages our chances of seeing any kind of decent diverse character designs dwindle more.

So firstly... Buddy a character who has been said to experience discrimination for being Jewish, lacks any kind of ethnic features at all. That's... Cool but yeah I think this shows a rather grim future for the character designs as a whole.

Also, Norman... As I mentioned he was largely assumed to be black due to his southern dialect, his voice, and other factors. But nope, he's a generic white guy. With... Gross looking hair tbh...

Sadly this is not the first time the topic of poor representation has come up concerning Bendy either.

[note how he disregarded the other mentioned minorities and specifically cites LGBTQ+ characters]

This sucks as a response but sadly considering Mike's recent behavior it seems to fall in line with the Bendy team's general lack of care towards representing anyone who isn't straight and white.

So how did Mike respond to all of this? Well...

TDLR - "Who cares if the Graphic Novel we're selling to our fans for full price sucks, we now no longer consider the books canon."

This is horrible, I know Mike and Meatly are only really in this for the money, the fact BATIM is in the state that it is proved that, but they really couldn't have been less obvious about it?

So basically when it benefited them, AKA when it meant people would have to buy the books to understand important lore like Boris' identity... [the character you spend all of chapter 4 trying to rescue] They were considered canon... At least the author sure thought so.

Hell even in the tweet Meatly made here he doesn't say the books aren't canon, he just says they're not needed to understand Bendy's world. Now Mike is using that as a shield instead of doing the right thing and saying "You're right, the poc in our fanbase deserve better we'll have it fixed right away!" Like most reasonable people would considering how his studio has literally been accused of bigotry, poor rep, and general lack of diversity before. Why risk making more people avoid this franchise?

Also just... Imagine how insulting it would be to be an author who helps flesh out so much of this world and gives its characters depth like NONE of the games have managed to do, filling in plot holes, creating a timeline for events, etc... Then because they couldn't bother to change the graphic novel for ur story to be better they instead throw out all ur writing and declare it non-canon.

If I were her to put it bluntly I'd feel insulted and horrible. Why make her do all the work of making sure her works align with the timeline and game's canon if they're not part of it?

I can't speak for her obviously but Meatly and Mike know of her account, so speaking out against this could very much risk her being fired or at least not allowed to work on Bendy anymore... So I would take all her tweets on this situation with a grain of salt. She very much is not in a position where she could be honest if she was against this.

So with all that history now, the question I'm sure many are wondering is... Why does this even matter? Who cares how diverse the characters are when it doesn't affect the story?

Well for one thing, if you think like that consider having more empathy for your fellow human beings but also it does affect the story. One of DCTL's themes is about the bigotry of the period it is set in.

Now the Bendy team has managed to make the discussion of this book centering around their bigotry which is ironic in a way I almost find funny... Though this entire thing is just a bit too hurtful and upsetting to find any humor in, at least for me...

But another thing is representation can bring people such joy when it's done with care. It really shouldn't be understated how far it can go to make people feel more comfortable in their own sense of self to have a franchise choose to represent them and their experiences. I know this from personal experience.

Now if you've been following me for a while, you know I'm a big fan of Transformers. I no longer engage with it much due to baggage from the fandom's awful treatment of me, but before I left I remember being able to witness the release of Transformers: Earthspark first few episodes.

These introduced the Maltos the family who meets the Transformers and serve as our protagonists and guess what?

It's a family of Filipinos!

Now look I'm not Filipino, but I am half Mexican and I have a lot of love for that part of me. So seeing the representation of any Spanish culture in this franchise I loved made me so happy! I remember just watching the first episode I was happily telling my partner how fun it was to see people like me and my family in a world I love!!

But it didn't end with the Maltos in fact... There was another character who spoke to me, their name was Nightshade. Their pronouns are They/Them and they spoke about it on the show! Not just mentioning it and moving on but actually sitting down to speak about their experiences...

This clip in particular really turned them into an absolute favorite among fans and well... I'll let you see it for yourself.

This scene... Fills me with a joy I cannot describe. It is the creators of a franchise I love telling me they see people like me and find the stories of people like me important enough to include in this series. There really is nothing like being able to say there are Non-Binary characters in a franchise I have so much love for. I was far from the only one too.

This is amazing, this is wonderful, this clip and character were moving to so so many people and...

This is a joy the Bendy creators have no interest in giving their audience. They don't care how you feel as a queer and/or black person, which... Hurts...

I... Discovered I was trans while in the Bendy community... It was where I learned the word Non-Binary and started using it for myself. To me Bendy will always have that connection... But the devs themselves seem to hate the idea of being forced to actually represent that in their games... And I still haven't really gotten over that pain or betrayal if I'm being honest.

So...

With Norman now being portrayed as white here, we are down to two black characters. Thomas [who Meatly has claimed is white in the past] based on a vague conversation with Sammy in DCTL they could easily ignore... And Jacob.... A book exclusive character which according to Mike means he is non-canon.

If we don't count Thomas' vague talk with Sammy about disrespect as confirmation he's black [which the devs don't seem to think so] then we have one black character in all of Bendy... And he recently got retconned into non-existence. Great.

Look... The Bendy fanbase has always been full of wonderfully diverse designs for the staff and even more diverse people creating them. Bendy's fandom was built with the work of queer people from all kinds of places.

If the Bendy team continues to show how little they care for anyone who isn't straight or white... I wonder who they are counting on to buy this book or in general financially support their franchise?

I know right now, I am furious, I am hurt and I most certainly don't feel like buying a book that's currently just a massive fuck you to the fans and I hope I've expressed why I feel this way in an easy-to-understand way here...

Either way, I will not be forgetting this anytime soon and I hope the fanbase does the same. Maybe just maybe, if there's enough backlash to this series of horrible decisions they'll learn better.

Right now, it's kinda of our only hope for a better future, and if you know any poc who are into Bendy right now... Maybe consider making sure they're feeling okay.

I know from experience how much this sort of thing hurts, to have the creators of a world you love straight up tell you they don't intend to fix the fact no one in their stories represents your identity or life...

What I'm trying to say is...

This is a really low point for Bendy and its fans... Even more for the poc who have to witness such ignorant and careless attitudes from Mike and Meatly towards their feelings.

Please don't forget them when you discuss these tweets or this situation. That's exactly what Mike and Meatly want right now.

For them to be unrepresented and therefore... Unheard.

#batim #batdr #bendy and the ink machine #bendy and the dark revival #seriously though we cannot let this slide #ramblez #please please keep talking about this and why its not okay #Ive already had people saying to not be too mean or disrespectful to mike over this and to put bluntly #if mike is gonna be this blatently disrespectful to his fans he deserves whatever he fucking gets #this is such a horrible situation Im just glad I got the chance to speak positively in this essay #I mean not about bendy but I got to gush about how cool it is that transformers has a nonbinary character in it so that was fun #this is what Bendy could have and refuses to... Oh well more motive to make Showtime ig #but seriously what is the point of supporting these indie devs if theyre gonna be just as horrible abt this shit #as their corporate competitors #at several points bendy just feels like every other horror game out there but worse #its so so so frustrating

95 notes · View notes

fireflysummers · 9 months

Text

Final Thoughts on GO S2

I'm probably gonna pull back on discussing S2, at least publicly, after this. I did actually like a lot of the season, but it's triggering some of my religious trauma and also the fandom is already stressing me out. So here, let's have some final thoughts.

First and foremost: I am not a Gaiman simp. I've read a decent amount of his work: comics, short stories, essays, and novels. Aside from Good Omens, I've liked Coraline and The Graveyard Book the best by far, whereas American Gods just. Did Not Connect with me, even though it's should have, given the stuff I tend to enjoy.

However. Regardless of whether I like a given work (or even like how he adapted it, a la parts of The Sandman TV series), he is a veteran writer who has proven that he does, actually, know how to write a story with consistent characters.

Beyond that, I do actually believe that he's trying to do right by Pratchett, and loves and respects the story and characters they created together. He's generally shown up as an ally to a variety of social causes, and directly and respectfully responds to fans on Tumblr. While no saint, I feel that there is cause to give the benefit of the doubt that things will resolve satisfyingly in S3, and that there is Intention about some of the things in S2.

This, of course, does not absolve it of being "bad," but even here I think we need to articulate better the different types of "bad" that people are reacting to. There seems to roughly be three camps here: 1) People who thought it was "bad" because of how it ended, with the breakup and a lot of unresolved plot threads; 2) People who thought it was "bad" because it struggled on a technical level with its set, lighting, directorial choices, editing, etc; 3) People who thought it was "bad" because they felt the characterization was significantly off and that the internal logic of the series had been violated.

With regards to Point One, the only solution is to Wait and See. Judgement should be reserved until the story is properly finished--easier said than done, especially considering the current media landscape, and the number of series or franchises that fail to live up to their promises.

Point Two isn't something I understand well enough to contribute meaningfully, except that I suspect the pandemic affected this aspect the most and am willing to give it a bit more mercy. That aside, I for the most part I don't find it bad so much as not as good as S1. Except for the parts with epilepsy warnings, surely there could've been a better way to do that.

Point Three... that's the stumbling block for me, and I find it interesting that most of the folks who struggle with this point in particular are long time fans of the book.

I trust that instinct.

There are two different directions to go from here. The first is the assumption that these problems are a result of ego, carelessness, or lack of skill from the showrunners/writers/director. It's cynical but not unjustified. The second is the belief that the breaks in lore or characterization were intentional, building towards a much grander conspiracy. Of course, even in this case I don't think it forgives the lack of signposting that would indicate that this is a choice rather than an accident. It just makes it feel clumsy and poorly constructed, a major risk on a show that hasn't had its third season confirmed.*

However, regardless, it still feels salvageable. I've enjoyed reading a lot of meta on all this, and I've pulled some things from others (particularly That Theory by @ariaste), but I don't really want to put forth a single, defined theory myself. Instead, here's some questions I've got, why those questions are important (to me, at least). Actual theorizing comes after, and anybody who snidely mentions Sherlock in the comments or tags is going to get auto-blocked. Like seriously, I'm aware that some stuff is a stretch, but it's fun??? To theorize????? And I'm here for me and my peace of mind rather than trying to argue a point.

*I have some suspicions here, particularly with Gaiman stating that the decision from Amazon would come much faster than The Sandman's second season (which was four months). I don't know enough though to say if that's actually significant.

Questions

Who the fuck is telling this story?

This is the most important piece, in my opinion. There's this assumption when reading books (or research papers, newspapers, etc...) that the narrator who is writing the words is a non-presence, Neutral and objective. That's not the case, and an important part of literature critique is figuring out who the narrator is, and what their goals are. Oftentimes, the narrator and the author are the same person, but with Pratchett's work, particularly on Good Omens and Discworld, the Narrator was its own unique character.

This is why people struggle adapting Discworld to live action--that medium requires a Reason for having a Narrator, and especially in the age of method acting that's often considered immersion-breaking. Good Omens worked so well because they not only kept the Narrator, but they made Her God.

This added some really interesting new dimensions, such as the scene where Crowley speaks to God about his fall and the destruction of humanity. He doesn't receive an answer, but we're watching from God's perspective, so we as the audience know that She's listening.

Another advantage of making God the Narrator is that it justifies all the goofy little asides we get into the lives of minor characters (i.e. Leslie the Mailman), without losing focus. It helps the world feel like it’s full of people, rather than characters and plot contrivances, and the theme that individual people and their choices are important. The Narrator is such a central character of Good Omens that without it, the story struggles to stay focused.

It also highlights a key difference in the writing styles of the two authors. Pratchett’s work tends to introduce four or five totally unique plot threads that feel completely disjointed until the last act (if not even later), when it turns into a Chekhov’s Firing Squad. Plot twists around secret identities and backstabbing and schemes are relatively rare, as the omniscient Narrator doesn’t lie about the intentions of people or their actions.

Gaiman’s writing is typically not like that, to my knowledge. He buries characters in misdirection and hints, and you never know the true identity or motives until all the chips are down. It’s a perfectly valid way to approach storytelling, but it makes it jarring to see it in S2. The lack of a Narrator is a huge reason why S2 doesn’t feel like Good Omens to some folks.

My gut feeling is that the decision to shift from the original Narrator was highly intentional. It helps to obscure the thoughts and intentions of people, and it also muddles the insights that we’re supposed to take away. (I would have loved hearing God monologue about what’s going on in Jim’s head. I think it’d do a lot to make him seem less.... obnoxiously stupid.)

More than that, it brings up a reasonable potential plot point of: Where did God go? Why isn’t She present in the story? Even in her early appearance in the Job flashback, she doesn’t sound like the narrator for last season. After the first part of her speech (which Gabriel later quotes), her tone turns casual and condescending, which might line up with her being a bit of an asshole, it doesn’t line up with the whole “dealer of a mysterious card game who is always smiling”).

Also, I don’t think it’s safe to assume that nobody is telling the story either. Just because they’re not making their presence known doesn’t mean they aren’t there, and in a story like Good Omens, that’s concerning.

Wait, where's Satan?

Another person I saw while scrolling the tags pointed out that Satan is nowhere to be seen this season. He's really only mentioned in reference to a bet God made in Job, but then Crowley is the one on the ground causing mischief. There's no Hail Satan among demons (like Hastur and Ligur did at the start of S1).

That's might be because the writers didn't want us to think it was important (a la Hastur), but that feels off. Given that Satan speaks directly through the radio to Crowley in S1, complimenting him on his work, it's safe to say that he was at least aware of and involved in the goings-on in Hell. The fact that he wasn't even an worry for Beelzebub in abandoning their post? Feels weird.

(Also if you know where that post is, I'll happy credit + link)

What is Maggie?

Look, I love cute lesbians in love as much as the next queer, but I don't like Maggie. I don’t think she’s a person. Contextually, she’s a plot device, but I agree with That Essay that she might be an actual Plot Device.

Her characterization is simple and relatively shallow—a bit of an airhead, ray of sunshine that’s supposed to remind you of Aziraphale. When she describes her past to Nina, it’s almost robotic (also, her story implies it was Mr. Fell who first rented to her ancestor, not Mr. Fell’s great-grandfather like Nina implied). Her emotions are over-dramatic and seem to be turned on and off at random (scenes with her crying to Aziraphale about her woes had my “manipulator” senses going off for some reason).

When asked about a song, she not only IDs the song, its singer, and its year, but how and on what it was distributed. (Honestly thought this would’ve been something interesting, because she’s been pretty ditzy so far, it’d be interesting if she had like... an insane memory for music history.) And then she’s the one that sets Aziraphale on his little investigation by giving him the transformed records, while also planting the seed about her love troubles with Nina. Later, her advice to Crowley is... not awful, but feels insincere and a bit too forward, given her own self-proclaimed lack of relationship experience.

I don’t know what she is (a demon, hastur with amnesia in disguise, a literal plot device inserted by the current storyteller, etc...), but there’s something not right with her.

(Also the joke of “who listens to records anymore, it’s so old fashioned” just doesn’t land, lots of people buy records, and I’m saying this as somebody who has worked at a record store before.)

What's going on with Aziraphale?

There’s something Off about Aziraphale, and it’s not his choices at the end of the season. That makes total sense if you read him as somebody with severe religious trauma getting dragged back into the abusive system because other people need him and he’s been promised the ability to change things.

But I do think something is happening to his memory. Nearly all the flashbacks are from Aziraphale’s point of view and retelling, which means that they’re less reliable than God’s version of events in the previous season. Many of them don’t make logistical sense (post-church scene in 1941), depict Crowley as meaner or more sinister than we know he is, or frame events... weirdly. The scene with him trying food for the first time feels Really Bad, especially when the series has previously established that he’s a) prim and proper and b) his interest in food is one of the beautiful things that connect him to humanity, not some kind of gluttonous sin. Also he turns down alcohol.

Their meet-cute at the start of the universe also doesn’t line up with their reactions to each other in Eden, or the fact that knowing each other Before has never come up or been hinted at anywhere ever. I don’t know what’s causing this to happen, only that Aziraphale repeatedly looks pensive when coming out of flashbacks, and Crowley is never there afterwards to corroborate said memories.

His actions also seem pretty inconsistent with what we know of him—i.e. I refuse to believe he would ever mistreat his books, even if they’re just old encyclopedias. Also, he feels a bit too...forceful in trying to get Nina and Maggie to fall in love? I mean, he didn’t exert that much direct influence on even Warlock, when he was actively hoping that the boy would turn out angelic rather than neutral.

I don’t think this removes his agency in that last decision, so much as explains how he was in such a vulnerable place at all. He still needs to apologize and fix things, because he messed up, and even if he hadn’t he still seriously hurt Crowley.

What's going on with Crowley?

There’s something Off about Crowley. The most obvious thing, of course, is his memories. At multiple points in the present day, characters state that they remember him or have met him before, only to be met with confusion. This is especially concerning given that he has a nigh photographic memory for faces (something mentioned in the book when he immediately IDs Mary Loquacious, 11 years after a 30 second conversation).

Overall, he seems to be better known by other supernatural entities this season, in ways that often tie him back to his angelic identity (i.e. saying they fought together in the war, Aziraphale stating he knew the angel he used to be, etc...). This doesn’t feel right, because S1 we see that Hell is largely apathetic towards his schemes, and definitely does not defer to him at any point in any capacity.

Then there’s the issue of his power level. It’s always been speculated that Crowley was a powerful angel prior to falling, when he mentions in S1 his involvement with star making, his seemingly unique ability to freeze time, and creating a pocket universe for Adam before the confrontation with Satan. He also has a tendency of breathing life into inanimate objects, like his plants or car. He also has the regular demonic skillset: miracles that can adjust physical appearance; the ability to change inanimate objects (like paintball guns into real guns); the ability to manifest clothing and similar items; and summon hellfire to his fingertips. This, plus the way he monologues to God with a degree of familiarity rather than reverence seems to indicate that he was Somebody Powerful and Important Before.

But in S2, his skills are significantly expanded upon. The miracle he and Aziraphale summon sets off alarms in heaven and hell, and it’s powerful enough to mask Gabriel from the Archangels. He summons a miniature sun to rain fire on Job, which is way bigger and flashier than anything we’ve seen him summon in S1. (If he needs fire, he alters the course of a dropping bomb, without creating one himself.)

Yet he’s able to cloak his presence so well he goes wholly unnoticed in heaven, or in front of heavenly agents on earth (i.e. the Job flashback). Muriel can’t clock him as a demon, or even as another supernatural being, despite their auras usually being pretty significant, such Aziraphale immediately sensing the archangels when they arrive. He’s able to interfere with files that Muriel claimed required clearance (although I feel like that might just be a snark about Obeying Without Thinking? I would really need a Narrator to know.)

I might be misremembering, but I don’t think we’ve seen angels or demons transmogrify living beings before either. In the book, Crowley brings Aziraphale’s dove back to life after the failed magic show, and occasionally sinks ducks, but he doesn’t alter them? Not even Adam demonstrates that skill in S1. But he has no trouble turning Job’s children into lizards, however temporarily. Boy that would’ve been convenient during the flood. Or when the guard stopped then from getting to the air strip.

I don’t have any real issues with his characterization in the present day parts of S2, but there’s something weird happening with Crowley.

Where's all the people?

I really like a lot of the new characters, but how were there only like, 2.5 new humans named in the present day? Flashbacks don’t count bc the humans are all dead and can’t affect the story.

As much as I like Nina, she and Maggie don’t drive the story beyond being an occasional and awkwardly inserted plot contrivance? Both are actively robbed of their agency at several points, forced into situations that they could not have avoided or escaped. I’m not really sure what growth they’re expected to experience other than deciding not to date each other after everything. I literally can’t tell you anything about Nina other than that she remembers her regular’s orders, runs a coffee shop, and has a textbook abusive partner we never see. The only meaningful interactions they have are between those two, or in conversation with Aziraphale and Crowley.

Compare that to S1, where Anathema gets hit by Aziraphale and Crowley, but her primary relationships are with Newt, Adam, and Agnes Nutter (I think that counts as a relationship). We know that she’s got a wealthy family back in Puerto Rico, and that she was literally raised to save the world, and that she isn’t happy under all that pressure. Newt on the other hand is connected to not just Anathema, but Shadwell and Madame Tracy. He never even directly interacts with Aziraphale and Crowley. We know about his hobbies, his struggle to hold down a job, and his almost supernatural ability to destroy any electronics he touches. I don’t necessarily like how their relationship came together, but they were both very, very well fleshed out characters with unique backstories and goals. They weren’t just... waiting around to give Aziraphale and Crowley a new questline.

And while there’s no requirement to include a large cast of human characters that are exerting influence over the story, the lack of it is another aspect that makes this season feel not like Good Omens.

Also, it's just. Really weird to me that the events of S1 aren't really referenced at all? Like, Adam isn't mentioned, nor is Warlock. I don't expect them to keep track of the humans they met on the airfield for 20 minutes, but none of it is ever specifically referenced as far as I can tell, beyond Crowley threatening Gabriel. Like, I get that it's been a few years, but the pair caused a big enough disturbance that you'd expect some kind of ripples in their supernatural communities.

Promised by the Narrative (Obvious Chekhov's guns that I will be legitimately upset over if they do not go off)

A sincere apology from Aziraphale to Crowley that doesn't come with the expectation that Crowley will come back to him, but because he deserves an apology, even if the choices Aziraphale made were done with good intentions. Aziraphale does not expect forgiveness, and is shocked when Crowley grants it without hesitation.

A clear declaration of love from Aziraphale, which can't be rationalized away by either of them.

An "I'm Sorry" dance between Aziraphale and Crowley, but with greater sincerity and gravity. The most important piece is that they end up dancing together, which signifies a mutual apology and dedication to come together.

Since kissing is on the table, I expect an actual joyful, mutual kiss between these two assholes.

A shared cottage in South Downs.

Predictions/Theories (just some fun thoughts I've had)

When Adam declared that Satan was not his father, he didn't make himself not the antichrist, but accidentally crowned his human dad the King of Hell. Nobody knows this, because Adam doesn't have a good measure for "normal" supernatural situations, and Mr. Young because he's so "normal" that he explains away all the magical bullshit that's started going down.

When Adam declared that Satan was not his father, he erased Satan altogether. However, this left a vacuum in both power and reality. The defection of both Gabriel and Beelzebub only widens that crack. In an attempt to Fix things, reality is warping the story. Crowley has become leagues more powerful between S1 and S2, as the narrative is trying to force him into the role of his previous boss. Aziraphale is unknowingly being pulled into a similar version on the Other Side, perhaps to replace Gabriel or perhaps to replace God herself, who has been fairly absent in all this. The alterations to their memories or past have come about to keep the narrative running smoothly.

When the Metatron asks Nina whether anybody has ever asked for death, he was actually referring to Death, the sole remaining rider of the apocalypse.

If Maggie is indeed a Plot Device, it would be a fascinating exploration of Free Will to see her become aware of this (cue existential crisis), and then fall in love with Nina on her own terms, rather than because she was written that way.

Hastur will be back. Somehow.

The reason why S2 focuses so much on the supernatural characters is because S3 will be about how the events in S1 have changed the political landscape of heaven and hell. Angels are questioning their roles, demons are yearning for something more. It's scaring upper administration, and then the two most reliable folks in employment run away to alpha centauri. Recruiting Aziraphale and getting him back in line prevents him from becoming a martyr, control the range of his influence. The series reasserts its theme of choice and agency by highlighting that Aziraphale and Crowley aren't that special, they've just had the chance to live and grow, and that the others have free will too, if they want it.

The reason why they wanted to separate Aziraphale and Crowley, is not to get Aziraphale on his own, but to get Crowley on his own. He literally stopped time and made a pocket universe in front of Satan last season. He's powerful and dangerous and somebody wants to see that reigned in.

Wishlist (stuff I desperately want to see)

Crowley getting an audience with God and an opportunity to ask his questions, only to refuse to do so because he's found his own Answers and he no longer needs hers

Aziraphale and Crowley growing more into their book incarnations. Aziraphale becomes confident in his sense of morality, which he developed the hard way through millennia on earth besides humanity. He slowly learns what it means to be loved, unconditionally, but also is better at asserting and maintaining his boundaries. Crowley, still anxious and unwinding, works through his fear of abandonment, providing him opportunities to be kind and gentle and nurturing--all traits that he's aggressively hid since being a demon.

Hand holding. I know that Gaiman was referring to Ineffable Bureaucracy, but I still feel like we'd benefit from meaningful hand holding, especially since that got cut from the adaptation of the book.

Shifted focus away from the supernatural shenanigans, and back onto the humans that actually drive the story.

Cameos from S1 characters (if not a more substantial appearance).

The Four Other Riders of the Apocalypse.

Cursed Thoughts (why I shouldn't be allowed a social platform)

Ineffable Bureaucracy turns up in season 3 because Beelzebub got Gabriel pregnant somehow.

#good omens #good omens spoilers #good omens season 2 #good omens s2 #good omens meta #good omens 2 spoilers #good omens 2 theory #good omens 2 analysis #long post #text

108 notes · View notes

autisticlancemcclain · 1 year

Text

It’s the whispering that gets her. Loud conversations and jokes are par for the course — that’s not interesting. That’s whatever. That’s something she’ll probably have to hear about, recounted tomorrow morning at breakfast.

But whispering? Now that has Pidge intrigued.

She creeps towards Lance’s door, which is just barely cracked open, and crouches low to avoid being seen. She peers through the crack, squinting to see through the low light — Lance hates big lights and only ever has crystals glowing in his room.

Knelt on Lance’s floor are the Legs of Voltron themselves. Their heads are bent close, eyes glued to Lance’s blue daisy case covered-phone, whispering to each other. Pidge has to strain her ears to hear them.

“—you think it means? It’s just casual, right? Totally casual.”

“I mean, our texting is pretty casual, and he’s never sent me a winking emoji. I’m surprised he even knows what a winking emoji is.”

Lance frowns deeply. “Yeah, it’s weird! The colon is right next to the semicolon on a keyboard, though. It could just be an accident.”

“But it’s kind of a flirty message,” Hunk points out. “Look. ‘You sure as shit kept me on my toes today, Sharpshooter.’ Winky face. That’s flirty, Lance. I think Keith is actually flirting with you!”

Holy motherforking shirtballs!

Keith? Flirting with Lance?

Pidge can’t help her gasp. It’s literally involuntary.

She hits the floor the second the sound leaves her mouth. She dives to the side of the door, scrambling to her feet and running down the hallway as quickly as she can.

Only the rush makes her unbalanced, and she’s never been particularly agile, so she trips over her own feet and sprawls onto the floor face-first.

“Pidge?”

“Just — let me die,” she says, face burning. She refuses to lift her head from the ground.

To be caught spying, dear God. On Hunk and Lance’s sleepover. Is there any greater humiliation?

“You can join us, you know,” Hunk says, voice amused. “You don’t need to spy, you little weirdo.”

Pidge weighs her options quickly. She can get up, brush herself off, lie about being uninterested, and make the walk of shame back to her room and stare, bored, at her ceiling until she falls asleep.

She bites her lip.

Or, she can join these two dorks. She’ll never admit it under pain of death, but she’s always kind of wanted to be invited to a sleepover. She never got along well with kids her age growing up — at least, not well enough to be invited to things — and the jealousy she felt when other girls would bring their overnight bags to school and head home with a friend was positively burning.

She turns to face her teammates, deliberately pretending to be way less interested than she is, picking at her nails and shrugging. “I mean, I have some really important things to do, but I guess if you guys want to hang out with me so bad…”

Neither of them are convinced for even a second. Hunk has his left eyebrow raised, and Lance is smirking. But nevertheless, they don’t tease her about it any further, ushering her in and tossing pyjamas at her head.

“They’ll be a bit big, but you’ll manage,” Lance says. He tilts his head at his ensuite. “Bring me the sparkly pink bottle next to the sink on your way out, please.”

Quickly turning away so Lance can’t see her smile, Pidge does. She ducks into the washroom, locking the door behind her, and sets the soft PJs on the bathroom counter. She looks at herself carefully in the mirror, taking in the small smile she can’t force down, the bags under her eyes and the excitement in her irises.

A sleepover. An actual sleepover, with real people who aren’t her brother. With friends, to do stupid shit like gossip and tease and knowing Lance, do some sort of inane skincare.

Giddy, she hurriedly changes into the clothes Lance gave her, hefting up the way-too-long plaid pants and tying them tightly around her waist. She sleeps into the soft green t-shirt, which thankfully is decently close to her size. Lance is essentially 94% leg, after all, so that makes sense. She nearly forgets to grab the bottle Lance asked of her, thankfully remembering just before she opens the door.

She throws it at Lance the second she’s out of the washroom, sniggering at his loud yelp. He sits in the middle of a truly insane amount of soft things, including dozens of pillows, stuffed animals, who knows how many blankets, and —

Pidge squints. “Is that my fuckin’ duvet?”

“You took a million years getting changed,” Hunk explains. “We stole your entire bed. We got mine too. Mattresses are at the bottom of the pile. Want to help me make a structurally sound fort?”

Some part of Pidge wants to protest that — she has a keep out sign on her door for a reason and that reason is Hunk’s nosy ass — but the allure of building a fort is too strong.

“Toss me that measuring tape and a pencil. We are going to blow this shit out of the water.”

———

Forty minutes of her and Hunk’s arguing — interrupted occasionally by Lance’s complaining that forts are inherently unstable and that stem nerds such as them shouldn’t be allowed to ruin the fun — later, a truly beautiful fort is built. They had to sneak into the common room to steal the sturdy couch pillows to make the walls, but with those invaluable assets, Lance’s collection of safety pins, and two and a half dreams, the fort is a thing of fairytales. Two of their mattresses serve as the base, and one of them is the makeshift wall opposite to the real wall. A big sheet is pinned to the ceiling and drapes over the mattress-and-couch-pillow walls to drape like a tent, and blankets and pillows are strewn in a comfy nest over the base. Several low-light crystals are scattered throughout the fort, making it bright enough to see clearly but not too bright to kill the ambiance.

“This is, without a doubt, the best fort I have ever seen,” Hunk says proudly. He shares a grin with Pidge, then flicks Lance teasingly on the nose. “You see what happens when I have a helpful fort-making partner who cares about structural integrity?”

Lance huffs snootily. “You suck the fun out of it, that’s what. Yeah, maybe this fort won’t collapse on top of us while we sleep, but where’s the charm? That character? Where — hey!”

For a moment there is only silence. Eyes shift between Lance’s shocked face, hair a static mess, and the pillow in Pidge’s hands.

And then all hell breaks loose.

It’s ridiculous, really. A pillow fight, at a sleepover? What is this, a low-budget teen movie? But in truth this is nothing like any pillow fight Pidge has ever seen or even experienced before. As soon as the reality of the war sets in, it’s like a switch flips in everybody. All of them forget that they are teammates, friends, people who care about each other, and the one and only goal is to win, by any destructive means necessary. Pidge has a pillow clenched in each hand and whips them down at anyone who comes near — across Hunk’s face, hard into Lance’s belly. Hunk takes the more traditional approach, double-fisting one bigger pillow and wailing it on one victim at a time with full strength. Lance, extra ass bitch that he is, scrambles on top of a dresser like a spider monkey and throws small stuffed-animal projectiles. He never misses. Pidge is nailed in the face no less than twelve times.

After what feels like a thousand years of ruthless battle, Pidge starts to get tired. She’s sweaty, face bright red, hair sticking up everywhere, but she knows she can’t stop. Her honour is at stake, her pride. She will not be the first to fall. In fact she will not fall at all. She will push until she is victorious, until her enemies are felled by hear mighty pillow —

The trill tone of a text rings through the air. Lance makes loud, strangled noise from his perch, leaping off the dresser and somersaulting to his feet when he hits the floor.“Everybody freeze!” he screeches.

Beyond grateful at the call for a ceasefire, Pidge drops the pillows, panting with her hands braced on her knees.

“Dear fucking God almighty, ” Hunk wheezes. “My lungs have shrunk to the size of walnuts, I think.”

Pidge inhales deeply, trying to calm her galloping heart. “Me fucking too.”

She’s about to ask Lance how the hell he’s still standing, but then he lets out what can only be described as an ear-piercing squeal, hand not holding his phone flapping wildly as he hops around the ruins of their beautiful fort.

“Date! Date! I think it’s a date!”

“No way,” Hunk gasps, hurrying over to where Lance is celebrating. He wrenches the phone from Lance’s grip, eyes widening as he reads whatever is on the screen. “Dude!” he exclaims, grinning wildly. “Dude!”

“What?” Pidge finally demands, tired of being left out of the loop. Lance doesn’t answer, too busy spinning in giddy circles around the room until he trips on a stray stuffed animal and collapses on the fort ruins. He stays there, kicking his legs in the air and crowing in glee.

Pidge looks at Hunk, at a total loss for words. Lance is acting like a lunatic , which is saying something, because Lance is so strange regularly that her threshold for Lance-isms is pretty wide.

Despite his similar excitement on Lance’s behalf, Hunk is able to explain. He beckons her closer and points to a text open on Lance’s phone, from the contact ‘willie nelson wannabe’ — Keith. It reads:

from: willie nelson wannabe

i was thinking we cld maybe stick together for the next space mall trip??

from: willie nelson wannabe

u know. safety in numbers and all that

from: willie nelson wannabe

and maybe i can buy u that alien smoothie thing u were telling me about

Pidge’s jaw drops. She thought Lance was exaggerating, but this is very clearly a date. A nervous asking, sure, but the intent is clear.

“Keith?” she asks incredulously. “Lance and Keith? Since fucking when?” She swivels her head between Hunk and Lance, who has finally calmed himself enough to sit still, although a beam still lights up his face and brightens his brown eyes. “I thought you were into Allura!”

Lance waves a dismissive hand. “She’s objectively gorgeous so of course I was interested, you know? But she’s not interested in me, so any crush dried up pretty fast.”

“But Keith?” Pidge can’t quite let it go. Hunk guides her to the fort ruins, and she does willingly, flopping belly-first on top of a small pile of pillows. Her eyes never leave Lance’s. “When did that happen? I thought you two were rivals?”

Hunk snorts. “They are.” He rifles around for a moment, moving aside and shaking out some blankets until he finds the sparkly pink bottle Pidge brought out earlier at Lance’s instruction. He squeezes some green goop onto his fingers, gesturing for Pidge to come closer, and then starts smearing it all over her face as he speaks. “Lance is emotionally challenged and can’t flirt like a normal person, so he picks fights with Keith every time he wants attention.”

Lance sighs dreamily, grabbing something from a shelf and then sitting next to Pidge, too. He starts tying her hair back into short pigtails to get it out of her face, so it doesn’t get stuck in the goop.

“He’s such an asshole,” he says, still sounding whipped as all hell. “A few months ago he had enough of my shit, I guess. I was nagging him about being a show off and he told me to shut the fuck up or he was going to lay me out on the training mats. His eyes were so intense, and his voice was so low I thought I was gonna fucking —”

“Young ears present,” Hunk interrupts loudly, which usually Pidge would protest but in this particular moment decides she will let slide.

Lance goes a little red around the ears, smiling at her sheepishly. “Sorry, Pidgeon. Forgot you’re a baby.” He punctuates this statement with a squeezing of her cheeks, despite Hunk’s chiding about the still-wet facemask. Pidge tries and fails to kick him.

“Anyways,” Lance continues, “I kept being a shit until he really did hand me my ass on the mat, but then he started to get worried that I would die on missions because I suck at hand-to-hand or whatever. He basically forced me to start training with him.”

“Basically forced, he says.” Hunk looks at Pidge, deadpan. “He made his own training outfit — I will spare you the detail of how skimpy it was, you’re welcome — and did his hair. Every time.”

Pidge laughs, which feels weird because the facemask has made her face all stiff. “You did your hair to go train?”

“Oh, piss off. I’ve seen you act a fool whenever a particularly cool robot is anywhere near you, you hypocrite. Shut up and help me text him back.”

She and Hunk do, settling comfortably next to Lance. They snack on the bowl of cucumbers that Lance asserts is supposed to be for the faces, helping Lance draft a response.

“It can’t be too enthusiastic,” Lance mumbles, crouched over the phone. He’s been space-googling ‘how to text your crush like a cool person’ for twenty minutes. Hunk has completely checked out of the task, placing cucumber slices all over his face and giggling to himself. Pidge is starting to get itchy.

“Is this supposed to burn?” she questions, scratching at the dried facemask.

The question startles Lance into dropping his phone. “No, shit, it’s not. C’mere.” He takes a damp rag and gently wipes away the mask, patting her on the cheek when he’s done. “There!” he says, smiling brightly. “Bet that feels nice and fresh, huh?”

It does, actually. She feels like a goddamn daisy.

…But she’s not about to admit that.

“It’s okay, I guess.”

Lance rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling. He nudges Hunk with his foot and convinces him to help again, and together the three of them come up with a reasonable response to Keith’s question. (They convince Lance to be honest about his feelings, is what they do. And that’s not without endless nagging and clowning, Pidge can attest.)

Once the text has been sent, the date set, and Lance’s worries are assuaged, the sleepover starts to wind down. It’s well past two in the morning, and training — not including Lance’s private tutelage — was rough that morning. They start to yawn, and then their heads start to nod, and eventually they’re all laid flat on the piles of pillows and mattresses and bedding, limbs all over each other and stuffed animals everywhere.

“Hey, guys?” Pidge whispers, well past half asleep.

“Yeah?” Hunk whispers back. Lance hums.

Pidge doesn’t finish her thought for a while; long enough that she’s nearly sure the other two have fallen asleep.

“Thank you for inviting me,” she says eventually. After an even longer break, Hunk and Lance answer her, words lethargic in their sleepiness.

“‘Course, Pidge.”

“We like hanging out with you.”

Pidge falls asleep with a smile in her face, and sleeps the best she has since her brother went missing.

———

based on this post

244 notes · View notes

liskantope · 2 months

Text

I'm generally very fond of Kat Rosenfield and the way she puts her views on her podcast Feminine Chaos, but in one of the most recent episodes, she muses on the question of "is it better to desire or to be desired?" (apparently younger women tended more to prefer the latter, to the slight consternation of both Kat and her podcast partner Phoebe Maltz-Bovy), one of Kat's musings is a little hard for me to know how to digest.

I was thinking about this, maybe too philosophically, and... I think that, to desire things -- I mean, not just people, but to, I don't know, to desire anything, to, like, be able to inculcate that, that feeling inside of you, is to be kind of alive to possibility in a way that is exciting and that makes a person feel like kind of, I don't know, that feels like the fullest expression of your humanity. Whereas, to be desired, I mean, like, that can be nice, you know, in the sense of like, "yeah, I still got it", which is sometimes nice to feel, especially as I am, you know, advancing in middle age. But, I don't know, you're not gonna pay your rent with it, and it's not gonna enrich your life, particularly. All it does is, I mean, I think, in like the worst cases, foment a certain amount of anxiety, because like, you know, what happens when people stop desiring you, if like, if that's the better thing, it's got an expiration date on it. Whereas, desire, you can want stuff your entire life.

This is a blend of two sharply distinct elements for me. Firstly, her attitude about being desired not having much effect on one's life strikes me as reaching over-the-top levels of insensitivity to what un-partnered not-super-conventionally-attractive people have to think about -- it feels to me like an expression of (somewhat gender-tinted) "attractiveness privilege" if you will (Kat Rosenfield is, um, quite gorgeous by my lights and probably to many others as well). Seriously, being desired "doesn't pay the rent"?! (Arguably it reflects a more general sort of privilege -- Rosenfield long before 40 has established a great, fulfilling career, is happily married, and owns a decently nice home for instance -- that makes it hard to remember that desiring relatively basic things one doesn't have or feel particularly hopeful about getting can be a quite painful form of "wanting stuff".)

But it's so over-the-top that I feel fairly sure there's a much more charitable way to understand what she was getting at, that she was considering the question in a very contextual frame of mind and would probably immediately understand my (surely much more common-sense) point of view if it were put in front of her (which Phoebe did not do) and she were forced to be a little less, as she acknowledged, philosophical. At least, I'd like to think?

The other salient aspect of the above quote for me is that it includes a really beautiful take on what it means to desire, whose general terms have more and more reflected my thoughts as I get older. I honestly think the capacity to desire and the capacity to be desired are equally important in their own ways, and a lot of the importance of the former was encapsulated eloquently in Kat's explanation. And I feel somewhat of a bitterness about the value of being able to desire, a smaller version of the bitterness I feel about the value of being desired: I am becoming very concerned as of late that I no longer have the capacity to be strongly attracted to anyone romantically (or maybe even sexually), and I find that kind of terrifying actually.

#kat rosenfield #feminine chaos #attractiveness #the p word #romantic attraction #still don't think i'd call myself anything close to asexual though #btw the two capacities are strongly linked ime #feeling desirable helps one to feel desire for many i suspect

26 notes · View notes

givemea-dam-break · 1 year

Note

I think you know why I'm here.... Lockwood x Reader... Enemies to Lovers... Part 3.... Pretty pretty please???

a/n: ask and you shall receive!!!

warnings: language, minor injury detail gn reader

full series collection: here

The coffee is bitter on your tongue, and your face scrunches up at the taste of it, but you desperately need some caffeine to keep you awake.

"Can't I have some peace? It's not even been a week, and it's eight in the morning."

"I'm sorry, but it's urgent."

"You don't seem awfully sorry," you grumble.

Lockwood, once again, sits on your sofa, though unlike a week ago, he lounges on it as if it's his own. He's about to prop his feet on your coffee table, but you kick his legs before they even touch it.

"We put food there, thank you very much. Were you raised in a barn?"

He grins. "I mean, you've seen my place. Would you call it a barn?"

You sink down on the sofa beside him. "Well, George does squawk at you like a chicken. Suppose that means you're a goose. Piss me off as much as one. Lucy's the only half-decent one in that house of yours."

"I'll pretend you didn't just insult me when I come to offer a job." He doesn't sound very insulted. No, he sounds quite amused, if anything.

"Another one?" You take another sip of coffee and try not to gag. "I would've thought you'd be sick of me by now."

"Sick of you? Never."

Rolling your eyes, you lean back in your seat. Two weeks since that first job with Lockwood and Co, and already Mr Anthony Lockwood himself is charming his way back into your life. A fortnight ago, the prospect of sitting in your flat with Lockwood, just joking about, would've made you nauseous. But now... there's comfort in it.

"So, what's this job that's ever-so urgent?"

Lockwood takes a sip of the tea you brewed for him not long ago. "House in Camden. The client says his son has been seeing a pair of ghosts in his room - two women. Type Twos, I'm assuming. They haven't gone for him, but there's something about them that tells him they will."

"This doesn't seem overly urgent," you say, frowning a little. "Surely the three of you can handle it on your own."

"Lucy and George have a case on the other side of the city," Lockwood says. "And, well, the ghosts in Camden are growing restless. The family are having to stay in a hotel for the time being, mostly because the grandfather was ghost-touched and died."

You almost choke on your coffee. "You didn't think to lead with that?"

"Only just remembered."

"I would think that's perhaps one of the most important facts about this case!"

"Well, are you in?"

With a shrug that looks slightly disjointed from your annoyance, you say, "What do we know about the house? The ghosts? Is it another man murdered by his wife because, honestly, I think that might be my thing."

He laughs, and something about it has you smiling. "No, unfortunately not. Mother and daughter, renowned in the early nineteenth century for owning a bakery."

"Is this going where I think it's going?"

"The bakery is still next door, actually, but yes, most likely. If George's research is right, which it usually is, they killed people in secret and used them in their pies. They were eventually arrested and later died, but it seems their ghosts have returned. Their sources are most likely in the boy's bedroom."

"Fantastic." You place your mug on the coffee table and grin. "When do we leave?"

"We need to be careful about this," Lockwood says, staring at the front door of the house. "These Visitors might be particularly dangerous."

The sun is beating down on your back. There's still plenty of time before it gets dark, but there's a slight chill on the porch that has you unsettled.

Off to the left, separated from the house by a relatively new-looking fence (by new, you mean not Victorian), is a small, quaint building. People file in and out of it, smoothies or sweet treats in hand, grinning and laughing. God, you wish you could just be as carefree as that. Instead, you're standing in front of a house haunted by two homicidal women.

"Fancy a smoothie?" Lockwood says, noticing your interest in the bakery. "We've got lots of time to set up and tour the place, so I'm sure we could spare a few minutes."

Smiling gratefully, you nod.

You never thought you'd drink a smoothie while setting up defences to prevent being killed by Visitors, but it's a combination you've found quite nice.

Lockwood insisted on paying, which you weren't going to pass down, obviously. His triumphant grin upon handing the cashier the money had been enough to make you laugh.

Now, you sip happily on your drink as you lay out an iron circle on the porch of the house and set a lantern in the centre.

"How's it going in there?" you shout. Passersby give you a strange look before eyeing the rapier at your side and moving on.

Lockwood appears in the doorway to the kitchen. "Iron circle in the kitchen. Even now, it's a little cooler in there than everywhere else, but I think it's directly beneath the bedroom. If the bedroom doesn't have the source, the kitchen will."

You step into the hall, looking at the pictures that hang on the walls. "I don't see why their source would be in the bedroom. If they killed people to make into food, surely it would be somewhere in the kitchen, or even the bakery, right?"

"Maybe they had some interesting ways of luring people to their death."

Oh. You gawk at Lockwood. "Never imply anything like that again."

He scoffs playfully. "What? If it works, it works, right?"

"Lockwood! You're terrible."

He only grins, his smile brightening the hall. "Come on, let's get upstairs, see if you can hear anything."

You take the lead, cautiously climbing the stairs. They're blanketed in a heavy silence, which isn't unusual since it is still a little early for anything. With a little hesitation, you step onto the landing.

The screams come all at once, dozens of them, muffled and agonising to listen to. They swarm in your head, deafening, permeated only by the sounds of feminine laughter and the dripping of blood. Your vision blurs, and the volume knocks you back, your foot slipping on the top step.

"(name)." Lockwood's hand presses against your back, keeping you upright. "What's going on?"

It's hard to speak. You can barely hear yourself over the ringing of your ears after drowning out the screams. "They definitely killed their victims up here," you manage. "Dozens of them. I -"

"Hey, you're okay."

"There were so many of them..."

"You need to ignore it," Lockwood says, moving to stand in front of you. His eyebrows are furrowed, perhaps with worry, and his hand reaches for yours. "They'll just feed off your emotions and get stronger. We can't let that happen."

Nodding, you swallow the lump in your throat, taking in your surroundings. A short and narrow hall, with a bedroom on either side and a bathroom at the very end. In the light of your torches, the darkening space seems to stretch out forever.

"That bedroom on the left," you murmur. "That's the one above the kitchen."

Lockwood nods, squeezing your hand. "Stay here, I'll check it out."

His grip loosens and he strides over to the door, peeking into the room, only to stumble back a step.

"What is it?" you ask, moving nearer, stopping when he holds a hand out to signal for you to wait.

"Death glows," he says, pulling a pair of sunglasses out of his greatcoat and putting them on. "So many of them. They're blinding."

A chill slowly creeps over you, and you can feel your bones locking up with fear. A bitter taste fills your mouth, worse than the coffee that morning, and you draw your rapier.

"Eight degrees," you say, checking your temperature gun. "Growing miasma. Lockwood, we need to -"

Other-light fills the hall, bright enough to momentarily blind you. Gasping, you cover your eyes, holding your rapier out before you as you wait for your sight to return.

"Lockwood!"

The sound of a salt bomb exploding fills your ears, and you move your hand from your face. Dark spots fill your vision, but you can see well enough to make out the shapes of two ghosts, hovering at the end of the hall.

"Come with me," one hisses in its distorted voice. "Come with me."

The death loop repeats over and over, while the other ghost stays silent, smiling cruelly. Both are dressed in Victorian-style dresses, with aprons tied over their skirts, covered in something dark. The same darkness covers their hands and is splattered in places over their dresses - blood.

They inch closer, so very slowly. Lockwood, rapier in hand, cautiously moves until he's standing next to you.

"Plan?" you ask.

He glances at you, slipping off his sunglasses. "Improvise."

"That's your plan?"

"Well, we could go with our usual one. You find the source while I distract them."

"Yeah, because that will go down well, won't it?"

"Do you have a better plan?"

You pause. "No, but if I did, it would be much smarter."

He plasters on that grin of his. "Go find that source. I'll do my best to keep them distracted."

"Take these." You fish a few salt bombs out of your belt. "You're running low."

"Thanks. Now, go!"

Lockwood runs in the direction of the ghosts while you dart to the side, crashing into the bedroom.

It's the son's room, judging from the racetrack rug on the ground and the toys strewn across the floor. The bed is messy, the duvet half on the floor and one of the pillows is on the floor at the other side of the room as if it's been thrown.

Your Sight has never been a strong Talent, but even you can see the deathglows across the room. Dozens of them, some brighter than others, but for you to be able to see them... God, it's a little hard to breathe.

The sound of salt bombs brings you back to reality. Using your Listening, you try and pry out any sounds that could help you figure out what the source could be, but nothing. You can hear Lockwood panting just outside the room, along with a few swear words and crude phrases shouted at the ghosts.

As you move, a floorboard creaks underfoot. You pause before falling to your knees and moving the circular rug out of the way. The floor is hardwood, thank god, so it's easy to find the creaky floorboard.

You reach into your bag, thrown onto the bed in your haste to search for the source, and grab your crowbar, slamming it into the gap between boards. With all your strength, you loosen the board, popping enough of it free to be able to get a good peek in.

In the torchlight, a little jar is visible, dusty and covered with cobwebs that glitter in the bright light. Scowling, you reach in and grasp the jar, pulling it free as quickly as you can.

A crash sounds outside, followed by shouts of pain.

"Lockwood!" you yell. No response.

Faster than you could imagine, the ghostly forms of the mother and daughter appear in the doorway, faces moulded with fury. As they shoot towards you, you leap to the bed, jar in hand, and tug the silver net free, wrapping your finding in it.

And they disappear mere centimetres away.

Breathing heavily, you take a peek at the contents of the jar, but have to look away quickly, lest your smoothie come back out the wrong way. The jar, from your glimpse, is full of teeth and small shards of bone. The victims' remains.

"(name)!" Lockwood's voice calls, but it sounds weak.

Deftly, you stuff the source, tightly wrapped, in your duffle bag and sprint out of the room.

The stair bannister is broken and, lying at the bottom of the stairs, is Lockwood, barely moving. You would've thought him dead if not for his incessant need to fidget.

"Lockwood," you breathe, and all of a sudden you're running down the stairs.

Gently, careful of where you grasp him, you move Lockwood until he's leaning against the hallway wall, clutching his ribs with his face scrunched up in pain.

"I'm guessing you got it?" he groans. "The source."

You nod. "Jar of teeth and bones. Quite gross, if I'm being honest. Now, where does it hurt most?"

He weakly points to his left side, presumably the side he broke through the bannister with. With soft hands, you feel around his ribs, frowning. They're swollen, but they're not in too bad condition. Probably just bruised. It's his head that you're worried about.

There's a large gash on his left temple, and blood weakly oozes out of it, trailing its way over his cheekbone. You reach up to brush his hair away from it.

"I have a first aid kit in my bag," you say. "Let me patch this up, and then we'll get you home, yeah?"

Lockwood nods, and you become acutely aware of how close your faces are. He's looking up at you with those dark eyes of his, wide and almost doe-like, and his mouth hangs open slightly, breathing heavily.

Before you get caught up in his stare, or the unfamiliar feeling in your chest, you turn and search around in your bag until you find the small green first aid kit you always keep inside. You can never be too prepared.

"This is going to hurt," you say.

He hisses at the contact of the alcohol wipe on his gash, but you make quick work of it, wiping the blood on his face away with a tissue shortly after. You have no plasters the right size for the gash, so you pull out a non-adhesive dressing, gently place it on top of the cut and then secure it with a bandage, wrapped tight enough around his head that it won't fall off. Then, you pull out a box of painkillers and hand him two along with a half-empty bottle of water.

"Just as well you came instead of George," Lockwood says. "I'd have been dead by now."

You laugh, sitting back on your heels. "Do you feel well enough to stand? We should probably get you back home."

"You're being a bit forward, here, (name). Shouldn't you ask me on a date before you start trying to undress me?"

Half-heartedly, you slap his shoulder. "I'm taking your shoes off, you knob. You can't get in bed with shoes on - it's a universal rule."

Gently, you ease Lockwood down on the bed so that he's lying, head propped up by an absurd amount of pillows, and pull the covers over him. He's a little pale but seems mostly alright apart from the pain, so you're able to relax a little.

"Those were some nasty ghosts, huh?" you say, sitting at the edge of the bed. "I think my thing is just female murderers in general."

A little, breathless laugh escapes his lips. "You're becoming quite the asset to the team now, you know."

You reach over, pulling the duvet up over his shoulders. "I suppose I am."

"There's a place for you here if you want it," Lockwood says. His expression is confident, but a waver in his tone gives him away. He's nervous, worried, even. "Not that you have to accept, of course, but it saves us hiring you for every job we need a hand with, and -"

"Are you asking me to join Lockwood and Co?" You raise an eyebrow, suppressing a smile. "Is this another way to take my rightfully earned money from me? I can't see the pay here being very high."

He looks anxious but then realises that you're only poking fun. "So...?"

"I'll think about it," you decide. "But, since you can't seem to let me go, I'll stay here tonight, yeah? To keep an eye on your head. It should be alright, but I'm worried about it getting infected."

"Thank you." Lockwood's body seems to relax, free of any tension. "For everything. Helping us out on these cases, and for staying."

You smile, brushing a flop of hair off his face gently. Your fingers brush his skin and, once again, that unfamiliar feeling in your chest returns and your fingers tingle. Pulling your hand back, you shift a little further to the edge of the bed.

"Yeah, well," you say, trying to keep your voice light, "I think you'd be dead if not for my help, and I can't have the owner of 'the most prestigious agency' dying on me, can I? It would be terrible for business."

He smiles softly, and it's something you know you'll be able to see in your mind for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not. The gentleness of it, the sincerity, eases any worries you have.

"Get some sleep," you say, standing. "I'll be in the living room if you need me."

And, although he doesn't need to, he repeats, "Thank you."

#lockwood x reader #anthony lockwood x reader #lockwood and co x reader #lockwood and co fanfiction #lockwood and co #lockwood and co netflix #anthony lockwood #lucy carlyle #george karim #x reader #fanfiction #givemea-dam-break

247 notes · View notes

maple-the-awesome · 7 months

Text

Erwin Smith & Shy! Reader Headcanons

Pairing: Platonic! Erwin Smith & Levi x Shy! Reader

Requested by anonymous: Hello! Do you think I could ask for Headcanons with Erwin Smith being a father figure towards a shy, quiet but sweet reader? Of course! I'm afraid I'm not the greatest at writing headcanons, but I did my best 💪(◡̀_◡́҂). Here you go 💜

Attack on Titan Masterlist ❤️ Fandom Masterlist

You joined the Scouts as soon as you could, but have always tried to maintain a low profile, in fact out of everyone who has encountered you, at least 98.99% are certain they've never actually heard your voice before.

Are you mute? Do you just think you’re too good for everyone else? The world may never know.

…Alright, so that might've been an exaggeration. Some people know, notably those who don’t survive off of a single brain cell (aka Erwin and Levi, sometimes Hange depending on the day???).

Okay, let's start off with Levi's opinions of your first. What does he like about you? You're quiet. Plain and simple. You don't talk his ear off about stupid stuff. You don't make dumb annoying jokes like Springer or Braus. You don't butt heads with others like Yeager and Kirstein. You're one of those rare cadets who has decent manners and clearly wasn't raised by wolves (although a bit more on that later).

Erwin isn't as shy when it comes to giving you praise. If he notices you feeling insecure or particularly shy, you can bet he's on that shit right away the same way Levi's on dirt with a mop. Oh, and his words of support aren't just 'words'. Expect a full on speech with the same sort of passion he pours into his job.

Now, there's a reason for Levi and Erwin often encouraging you that goes beyond you simply being their favorite (which you probably are). They can relate to you. You're an orphan. They're both orphans. The difference? They didn't have anyone there for them. They each lost the only father-figures they had when they were young and know the pain well, so they'll be damned if they let you suffer the same path.

Yep, they're self-proclaimed dads. Levi, of course, won't admit it aloud because he's stubborn, but that doesn't apply to Erwin. He doesn't necessarily go around saying anything, however if someone asks if he has a kid, he'll shameless say 'yes' with a sly smirk on his face (is he lying?!).

You don't mind the attention. It may have been uncomfortable at first since you weren't used to having any parent figures, although you quickly realized how nice it could be to have two scary dads hovering over your shoulder especially whenever someone gives you a hard time for being so timid. Mind your own business or get assigned extra cleaning duty. You choose.

Added bonus? Expert advice that isn't handed down in an intimating way that could be mistake for harsh criticism like everyone else gets. Feel free to go to Erwin any time you have a question. He'll go over with you in detail, and if you don't understand his explanation, he'll try different ways to get it across, even taking you to others who might be able to explain it better. You also might just be the only scout who isn't afraid to ask Levi for critiques on your fighting skills since you can so easily see beyond his 'tough-guy' act.

Hell, sometimes you just follow them around like a lost puppy, too, just to soak in some bonding time. Erwin actually really enjoys this, liking the quiet joy that comes with having you help him with important documents. Levi may huff and puff about it, sometimes waving you off when others comment on you being his shadow, yet know that deep down he takes a lot of pride in your presences.

Yep. They're both wrapped around your silent little finger. Do what you want with this information.

#erwin smith x reader #aot erwin #commander erwin #levi ackerman x reader #levi attack on titan #attack on titan #aot x reader #aot headcanons #x reader

62 notes · View notes

sonobeunitsarecool · 3 months

Text

Sakurai Haruka: An idea (pt. 1)

Okay, dramatic title, but this is just about the information we have that points to Haruka having spent a decent amount of time in a psych ward. ...it's more long-winded than this needs to be, my English teachers (and all my other ones) keep saying I need to be more concise. Can't be bothered. Part 1: Haruka, language, and education. Starting with the character description, we get that he initially only responds to Es's questions with "a word or two", though once he's used to being around someone he becomes "talkative". He likes to talk with the others, even saying that it's his "hobby" in his T1 Q12 response. However, "since his communication skills are poor, he is unable to hold a proper conversation".

Across the whole project, particularly in the first trial, he's hesitant to interact, but he keeps on trying. He seems to stutter a lot, many of his int. answers are written with basic kanji, same with the Japanese subtitles for Weakness and AKAA. Haruka's unused to talking unless the expectations for him are clear (a common theme for him), he's not got a lot of practice with social situations, and his behaviour is notably anxious. It's likely that, so far in his life, he hasn't actually needed any language skills more complex than that. His vocab and character recognition/writing should be better than they are, if only by necessity. It's clear that he's capable of learning the language, as he does know some kanji and his hiragana, and he's adept in using what he does know to fill in the gaps (i.e, in the VDs). ...if he went to school, which he should have, then he'd be more proficient in Japanese. I'm not sure what Haruka's approximate proficiency level is, but it's probably about junior high level (12-15 yrs old, Mu is 16 and in her first year of high school). But he's made very little mention of school in general, if any. Mu's entire MVs are in a school setting, and Yuno at least talks about it (saying she's a high school third year and mentioning theatre club). I don't think Haruka's attended high school, at least. Junior high, maybe, but definitely not high school. He says that knowing another language is "impossible", even if English is mandatory in most Japanese schools. He's not working, either (most expensive thing he's bought was candy floss), or finding education in other areas like a trade or art. He's, technically, a NEET. But he wants to talk to the others. He actively enjoys it. He's responsive. He isn't a hikikomori, really, since between talking to another of the prisoners and being on his own, he'd choose to talk.

It's a conclusion most of us have come to. The neglect and abuse of Haruka, from his mother (he considers his father to be part of his family, but he only really talks about his mother, and his father "wasn't particularly interested" in him. Probably left in his childhood). He wants to be noticed. He wants people to like him. He was jealous of the person he killed. But... why keep him from school? Because of shame (of having a neurodiverse child)? Japan finds it very important to attend school, it's a big thing. Many would find it more shameful not to go. It's not an issue of cost, Haruka's had several pets and those can be expensive to care for. Time? The drain of being a caretaker? Better to send the kid to school, get them doing lots of clubs. But what if, logistically and practically, there wasn't much point to sending Haruka to high school in the first place? If Haruka had spent a significant amount of time on an inpatient unit, then it makes sense. Especially if he has been readmitted on multiple occasions, not far apart (which would be more realistic than one long admission spanning years, I think), then he'd miss too much school to justify enrolling him. He'd miss too many classes, be too far behind, and it would overall be worse for his mental wellbeing to switch between psych care and rigorous education, instead of going between psych care and home. It does actually make sense, to focus on Haruka's mental health instead of attempting schoolwork. ...Not to say that the whole situation was handled well, ahaha no. It explains:

his apparent lack of high school education

why we see the inside of his home prominently in his MVs

why he uses Japanese that's below his expected proficiency level (he's trying to get better, and he's probably been infantilised a bit by professionals and his mother, so there was never a "need" to work on his vocab)

a good part of why Haruka's mother seemingly has never gotten into trouble in regards to her care of Haruka (because, in some ways, she's actually doing the right thing, somehow)

why Haruka doesn't quite know how to talk to people

Okay too long, going to make a part 2 later. More about the evidence pointing to a psych ward specifically, and how that puts much of his behaviour into context beyond "oh he never grew up".

#milgram #haruka sakurai #sakurai haruka #milgram theory #milgram thoughts

43 notes · View notes

petrichorium · 9 months

Note

i am not vic but ohhhmhyyogofr your post about gojo and his greatest fear of getting you (us???) pregnant is making rounds in my head. if u would like to share more of your thoughts please know i will be SEATED!!!!

I will not lie the thing I have written is more about his mother and how he projects her onto you wrt his fears abt getting you pregnant so it’s v much a gun Ive cocked and aimed at vic specifically LMFAOOOO

But there’s many angles to his refusal to have kids imo so I’ll ramble abt a few of them. If this is going to hurt ur feelings DO NOT open the read-more it’s not a happy take on motherhood

he does not believe he’d be a good father point-blank. I think his dad was p much nonexistent in his life—in fact I can’t decide if I think he even knows who his dad is/was—and in general he keeps too much of an emotional distance between himself and everyone else for him to be comfortable with the idea of being responsible for raising a whole child. His role as a teacher is not paternal to me, in contrast to chars like Aizawa or Qifrey who are paternal in their roles. JJK is very explicit in its depiction of sorcerers as people who do not have long lifespans, and the majority do not make it past high school. The teaching role in that sense is less a father figure and more someone raising cattle for slaughter. He can’t afford to become too attached to his kids; the vast majority are going to become Haibaras or, if they’re strong enough, Getous. It’s a hard life. He firmly believes he’d treat his own kid the same way. You are the exception, and sometimes he still has to distance himself from you—a kid doesn’t deserve that from its own father.

he is RADICALLY oppositional to everything that has to do with the old conservative way. This includes providing his clan more breeding stock—because frankly, that’s what his children would be. There’s no chance of him passing his powers down (only one person can have Limitless at one time, a power that isn’t even that enormous without the Six Eyes and he’s the first person in 600 yrs to have them both) and he’s also aware that either he or his kids will die first, and if it’s him there’d be nothing to stop his clan from just taking them away to use them to breed another one of him. Idk how any decent person would be comfortable having kids knowing that or assassination would be their fate, but hey I’m kinda an anti-natalist so I’m pretty biased LMFAOOOOOO

BUT FINALLY. THE PART WE RLLY CARE ABOUT (and the most important part to him—again those first two points are why he’s always been terrified of having kids but this one shows up when he realizes he wants you for the rest of his life) if there’s anything worse than being gojo in a situation where he’s had a kid, it’s the poor soul he impregnated. Because like. He’s GOJO he’s untouchable but you, no matter who you are but esp if you’re not a particularly strong sorcerer/a non-sorcerer straight-up, are absolutely touchable. Like the odds of you being outright assassinated (during the pregnancy by other clans or after the pregnancy by his OWN as a power grab) are so high that the chance alone would be enough to make him get snipped. But having his children would erase you. You’re no longer you the moment it happens; suddenly you’re the mother of gojo satoru’s children, and you bear the burden of everything that entails.

You’ll be blamed when his kids are powerless even though everyone knew it would happen. You’ll have them stolen from you the moment you let your guard down. You’ll be ridiculed and shamed and dehumanized until you’re a shell of who your used to be. And it won’t matter that unlike his father he’ll stay by your side, because ultimately he’s the one who did this to you. It won’t matter if you do everything right, their lives will still end in tragedy. It won’t matter if you truly genuinely wholeheartedly always wanted children and always loved them… you’ll end up resenting them. And him. And yourself, for your resentment. And if you’re like his mother………. you won’t be able to take it. Nobody would be able to take it.

He cannot allow it to happen

#ask.🌧#anon #trying to keep the details abt his mom secret but!!! it’s hard!!!#again I think the fear is tied to his mother and a desperation not to let the same thing happen to u #but I have smthn cool written already that I await vic asking for 🙏🏻 if they manage to see it LMFAOOOOO #no children

79 notes · View notes

shanastoryteller · 1 year

Note

It’s been a while since you’ve talked about it, but I’m worried about visiting LA this year. I don’t live in a city that big, I can’t really investigate it online, and I have no idea where it’s safe to hotel there. Where do you (did you? You may have moved on?) feel safe in the city? Where would you recommend to people visiting to stay? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to! You’re just one of the very few people I know that has lived there. Thank you, regardless of your answer, you didn’t have to read this at all❤️

hi! answering publicly in case anyone has advice they want to add :)

i'm a little worried this might come off as dismissive, but honestly i just don't find cities to be that dangerous. i've lived in LA for almost eight years, lived in another city for 3 years before that, and have visited about a dozen major cities outside of america

homeless people, by and large, aren't going to bother you. if you have a couple bucks to spare, give it with a smile and look them in the eye, and move on, or if you have nothing it's fine to say that you just don't have cash. if there's an encampment, which happens all over the city and just not on skid row, then they're definitely not going to bother you because they don't want to cause trouble and get kicked out of where they've managed to find a consistent place to sleep

the truth is if you get assaulted, statistically it's going to be by someone you know rather than a rando on the street. if you do get assaulted in LA by a stranger, it is WAY more likely to by an out of work background actor named josh who picks up shifts at a tiki bar than a homeless person or gang member

that being said, i actually have no idea what neighborhoods are considered dangerous in LA these days? i guess the flip side of finding nowhere in LA particularly dangerous is that it's all dangerous, but really you're more likely to get taken out jaywalking in dtla than anything else

as for locations, it's important to remember: los angeles is huge

it's more like a bunch of small towns next to one another than one cohesive city. the town i grew up in is smaller than the neighborhood i currently live in. if you're visiting, i HIGHLY suggest you rent a car. the public transport in LA is shit

i've only been to east LA to visit friends and eats burgers. both were enjoyable, but you're relatively far from the coast. they also built a stadium in inglewood, which multiple friends have informed me has fucked up the housing in the area, but i don't know if that would make it better or worse to stay in

anywhere in the valley is going to be cheaper than the city proper. north hollywood and studio city are good for that. the garland in noho is really cute and right next to the highway. sherman oaks and van nuys are decent too and they're literally right next to each other. i personally think encino is one large strip mall and so is panorama city, but panorama city at least has the saving grace of good filipino food

if you get to northridge, you've gone too far north. malibu beaches are definitely worth a visit, but it's such an expensive area and so far from everything that i wouldn't stay there

hollywood proper, venice beach, and santa monica are probably the most quintessentially LA places, but I would only stay in santa monica out of them. not for safety reasons, but because the other two are filled with tourists. which, i know you'll technically be a tourist, but still

koreatown has great food, but terrible parking. it's also a cheapish place to stay. downtown LA is something I avoid because it just reminds me of the financial district of every city i've ever been to. the dtla library and the last bookstore are the only things worth going there for, personally, and it's also a very expensive place to stay.

little tokyo is very cute and manages to feel separate from city while being surrounded by it. i admittedly only go to chinatown for bakery runs, but it's all delicious and vey beautiful, especially if you've never been to a chinatown in a major city before

west hollywood is expensive, and i wouldn't stay there myself, but it has great brunch places and devastating parking rules. the most expensive parking ticked i ever got was in weho. burbank is the land of animation studios and also porto's. it's a really cute area. beverly hills exists and taking a walk on melrose is fun but i wouldn't linger. again, not safety, just terrible vibes.

i know this probably seems like a lot but i've actually only listed the more popular neighborhoods that i'm personally familiar with. los angeles is HUGE.

i hope this helps somewhat! and sorry to anyone who's neighborhood i've disparaged T_T

#asks #moirail-mate #please don't destroy me for my LA opinions #i'm sure someone out there loves encino #oh! okay i will say the only decent place to get a steak and cheese in LA is in encino #so it has that

196 notes · View notes

qqueenofhades · 1 year

Note

Okay – so! Thank you for all that you do for fandom and The History side of tumblr- it’s a LOT.

I’m struggling with mapping a historical accuracy/fanon vs. canon concept. I hope you can help me untangle my thoughts on this. Diverse representation in media is very important to me; and I’m also aware of the damage that the ‘colour-blind’ casting can do. So! I’m trying to reconcile a common fandom perception that Hob Gadling is of South-East Asian decent. (I know that Ferdie is!- I also have seen zero evidence that he claims Desi Diaspora as part of his identity. It makes me really uncomfortable that fandom might be projecting their desire for ‘Representation’ onto a man who lives outside his ancestral culture.)

What I do know is that Hob is a medieval freeman (?) from the south of England in the 1300s. I wonder at the possibility of his CHARACTER being of mixed race? I know that Briton and Europe and Africa were in trade. I know that People of colour moved freely around the continents!

I’ve done some research into London population polls from the time, but I’m not certain of their degree of accuracy/usefulness. They describe immigrants as ‘aliens’.. and most I’ve seen are European. I haven’t even come across evidence of Muslim or ‘Moorish’ people settling in London???!

The written history I’ve read tells me the Europeans didn’t establish trade with India until the mid 1400s. (How it’s possible they didn’t know about each other is Baffling and seems impossible??) Anyway. The crux of the matter is: would Hob Gadling possibly been of mixed heritage?

I mean yes, technically, he COULD be. The most logical route for that would be to give him some family heritage from somewhere in Spain, or Iberia, which was a fully mixed-race society until well into the 13th/14th century, and was in regular trade and communication with England. The medieval Iberian Christian kingdoms of Castile-León, Aragon, and Navarre particularly were close trading partners and English/Iberian royalty married each other fairly often. It was somewhat less the case by the time Hob was born in the 1350s, but there is certainly enough previous contact to make it feasible. Muslims, Christians, and Jews all lived in Iberia (how much they all co-existed has long been one of the most debated questions in religious/historical studies), and Muslims had a presence in Spain for over 700 years, since the first arrivals in 711 CE following the collapse of the Umayyad dynasty in Baghdad, until their final expulsion under Ferdinand and Isabella in 1492.

The question, however, is if he SHOULD be headcanoned or identified as mixed-race, and while I am the least fandom-policey person ever and respect people's right to enjoy their own ideas in peace, it personally makes me a little uncomfortable. It feels related to the "fandom activism!" mindset where you should ship a more Morally Pure OTP, or your favorite is "better" if they can be somehow identified with a marginalized group, regardless of whether this fits or makes sense for the character. And in this case, Hob’s background as a good-looking white British bloke with an appropriately English-sounding name, as I describe him in AITWW, is central to both his character arc, his major mistakes, and how he has to learn and grow over time. It was absolutely vital to me that in AITWW, he had to explicitly confront the massive amounts of unearned privilege that he enjoyed over the centuries by being born into that body, and how it would be very different for him if he hadn't been. As his friend Julia puts it in their discussion in chapter 13, he had the luck to be born into a body that society automatically privileges and values and places into positions of power whether or not he deserves it, and as a black woman, she thinks immortality sounds absolutely awful. Why would she want to put up with the absolute shit it would be to live 600 years, at least in the Western world/America/Europe, in that embodiment?

Likewise, Hob agrees and admits that of course it's easy for him to want to live forever and maintain enthusiasm for life, because whatever difficulties he has faced, his race and gender have not contributed to them (which is the essence of white privilege in a nutshell). And of course, the urge to make him mixed-race might reflect some discomfort with his actual canon background and involvement in slavery, no matter if he obviously feels terribly guilty and driven to atone for over 200 years after that (as he SHOULD). In some sense, making him mixed-race might seem to mitigate that or give some reason to make him "sympathetic" while he was doing it, and frankly, I don't think 18th-century Hob deserves to get off the hook for being yet another British white man who might have felt bad about what he was doing at times, but continued to do it anyway. I'm not saying this is anyone's motive or intention, but it does trouble me, especially since Hob’s whiteness, the damage of that whiteness, and the way he has to deliberately and extensively unlearn that urge to just live life on easy mode regardless of the damage it does to others is what I find so interesting about his character. In short, if Hob was part of a racially marginalized group already, he might have made different choices, but he didn't, and now he is forced to literally live with that guilt and shame forever. He doesn't get to exonerate himself, and nor do I do it for him.

Lastly, I think this reflects a very modern and somewhat over-simplified way of thinking; to our modern and institutionally-racist-pickled brains, race is the chief category that can be explicitly constructed as Otherness, and doesn't reflect the very unclear way this was perceived and experienced in the 14th century. I.e., you note that immigrants to England "were mostly European" -- which is true, but does not reflect the dizzying array then as now, in which local, national, ethnic, and religious identities were constructed. One unattractive feature of the English national character over many centuries has been their hostility and distrust of foreigners, and this was especially the case in the 14th and especially late-14th, post-Black Plague society. For example, the Flemish were regarded as "morally inferior" since they ran several well-known brothels and red-light districts in Southwark, across the Thames from London (now part of the city), and that meant they were purveying immorality, rather than being there since the English desired their services. Xenophobia was especially rampant against "strangers" of any type, especially against Jews again post-Black Death for sadly predictable anti-Semitic reasons, and even being from continental Europe would not have made someone "English" in their eyes. Even by the Elizabethan era, it was almost impossible for a foreign-born citizen (or "denizen," meaning something akin to "permanent resident") to get licensed as a guildsman in the city of London, and without that license, you could not run a business, practice a trade, or engage in substantial paid work in any way.

Likewise, medieval notions of race were fluid, uncertain, and often linked to religion more than ethnic origin. There are several Arthurian legendarium reworkings, and epic poems such as The King of Tars, where the "happy" ending is that the mixed-race, Muslim, or black hero is converted to Christianity and abandons whatever untrue pagan religion he has been following before. This is often accompanied with a literal physical transformation turning him from black- or dark-skinned (impure) to white (pure). So yes, racial thinking and categories did exist, but it wasn't seen as fixed or unalterable, and again, wasn't really the first or primary way in which Otherness was constructed (compared to say, "Saracen," which functioned throughout almost the entire medieval era as a marker of difference and had varied racial, religious, sexual, and ethnic connotations, but originally came from the term for Muslims).

So anyway: hopefully that all makes sense and provides some context in both my historical and fandom thinking on the matter. Thanks for the question!

#auressea #ask #hob gadling #history #medieval history #history of racism

146 notes · View notes

cosmicjoke · 5 months

Note

Hi!

I just saw a post hating Levi for choking Historia, actually I have seen so many people hate on him for that scene alone.

They literally don't get the intensity of the situation survey crops were in. Like Levi HAD to do that in order to get Historia to finally make her mind. Also that scene was really important in Historia's character development too.

Levi is of course very good at reading people he knew that Historia is stubborn and she wants to escape all of this. But she is the only royal blood they have. Erwin gonna get hanged and humanity is in danger if they didn't get this right.

They keep saying "oh he could have just talked it out". Well if Levi really thought Historia is gonna get convinced for it by just talk he would've, also Historia already made up her mind that she isn't capable but it isn't about being capable here in the moment it's about getting a real royal blood on throne.

he just wanted to make her submit to that somehow. Choking her would do that without much harm.

Also he must have felt ridiculous having to do that to her but he had no choice.

What are your thoughts regarding that scene and what it tells about both Levi's and Historia's characters?

And why did Levi smile when Historia punched him? I still am a bit confused on that.

Hi there,

Well, I've talked about this particular scene a lot in the past. People, as usual when they're hating on Levi, completely misunderstand it and what he was doing.

First of all, I always need to point out, because apparently people don't actual know what the definition of "choking" is, but Levi was never choking Historia. He picked her up by the collar of her shirt, but he never actually put his hands around her neck or throat. He never hurt her. I don't know why people can't get this through their thick skulls.

But just to give a brief answer to your question, what people also fail to realize about this scene, and why Levi reacted the way he did, was because Historia was basically endangering countless lives because she was too busy having a pity-party for herself to see what was happening. Her immediate reaction to hearing that she's of royal decent and will need to take on the role of queen in order for the coup to work, is to refuse it. She doesn't even think about it, it's just a knee jerk reaction. And her reasoning for this is because, she says, she "can't", she isn't worthy or good enough to take on that kind of role. In other words, there's no reason at all. She's feeling sorry for herself, and in so doing, threatening not only the lives of her comrades, who, if the coup were to fail, would all be rounded up and executed, but it would also cause a civil war within Paradis between the military factions and the crown and nobility, leading to untold numbers of deaths. Basically, Levi was reacting emotionally here because Historia was threatening to undo everything, endangering the lives of her comrades and countless others, and threatening to plunge Paradis into absolute chaos all because, again, she was feeling sorry for herself. So Levi got pissed.

No, it wasn't Levi's best moment, but it's not anywhere near what people try to paint it as, which is that they claim Levi was being "abusive" toward a young girl. He wasn't abusing Historia. He just got upset because she was being a total idiot.

Furthermore, we have to remember that Levi, along with Hange, had also just engaged in actual torture, for the sole purpose of retrieving the information they needed in order to execute Erwin's plan for a coup, that information being that Historia was the rightful heir to the throne. Levi and Hange both dirtied their hands in the extreme and took on the role of "monster" in order to gain this information, and once again, Historia was threatening to render their sacrifice in taking that step meaningless because she felt insecure. I don't think either Levi or Hange felt particularly great about having to torture another human being to get the information they needed. It was weighing heavy on both their minds, and we know this from Hange's angered reaction afterward, and Levi's monologue, when he talks about taking on the role of a monster so that the rest of humanity doesn't have to. Again, Levi is trying to impress upon Historia the fact that all of their sacrifices, everything they've worked for, and the ultimate success of their plan, hinges on her accepting her role as queen, and if she doesn't, then it will all have been for naught. The same way Levi can't bear the thought of letting his comrades die for nothing, he also can't bear the thought of committing monstrous acts like torture for nothing. Again, he was just upset because Historia was being stupid and selfish.

Anyway, to answer your last question, about why Levi smiled when Historia punched, it's an interesting one.

I think the reason Levi smiles, at least in part, is because she's finally come into her own and is acting with confidence and authority, at last. She's no longer cowering away from her own autonomy or ability to choose. That she works up the courage to punch Levi, who everyone is generally afraid of, is testament to that. Levi always wants everyone to be able to choose for themselves, to choose their own path, and make their own choices. And Historia's boldness here is essentially her doing that. It's like her maturation as a person.

I also tend to think Levi smiled and thanked all of them because they'd all been through so much together, and even though they'd all come to see what Levi himself was capable of, that is, killing and torturing other people, they still respected and cared for him, and understood him and where he was coming from. They were no longer condemning him or writing him off as having something wrong with him, like they had been at the beginning of that particular arc. They'd come to understand that the battle they were facing wasn't so moralistically black and white as they'd previously believed, that it wasn't as simple as "good" vs "evil", and that they couldn't flatly condemn any among their number for their actions alone, without understanding the context of those actions. I think Levi probably felt understood and seen by all of them for really the first time since he'd made them into his new Special Operations Squad. I think he felt a connection with them in that moment that he hadn't before.

This is also after Levi's conversation with Kenny, where Kenny at last reveals to him that it wasn't his fault that Kenny abandoned him. I think Levi had been carrying around the sense his whole life that there WAS something wrong with him, and that was likely in part, a large part, due to Kenny's abandonment of him. Levi calls himself "abnormal" during his monologue in the Uprising Arc, and I think he means it. Kenny finally revealing the truth to him must have been a massive weight off of Levi's shoulders, and his new squad coming up to him and actually acting playful with him, instead of being frightened of him, I think is like a reaffirmation for him that maybe he isn't abnormal, after all. I think his squad makes him feel normal, in that moment, makes him feel like a human being, and that's why he smiles and thanks them all. I think it's Levi finally feeling accepted.

#Levi Ackerman #Historia Reiss #attack on titanm #shingkei no kyojin

23 notes · View notes