#and giving it to her in moments where she is either devastated or sick bc the straw hat has given HIM so much strength over the years and | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

loth-wolffe · 3 years

Note

About that Fox post: i absolutely love you for writing it, thank you for that

Also, for your consideration:

- Where were you during the zillo beast attack?

- throwing a surprise birthday party for him?

- going shopping together

- I have a scenario that him dating an investigative journalist would be very chaotic, any thoughts?

- what's the friendship with his brothers like?

- why do i fell he would be good with kids? Like your nephew or something

- on that note, does he get the dad genes from Jango?

- post-war AU? in the timeline where Palpatine chokes and dies like he's supposed to

- Getting!! Married!! (eventualy)

many Fox thoughts today, many thoughts

sorry this is so long, I have little self control and a lots of love for fox. i love u so much for asking this and letting me explore what a life with fox would be like.

also I apologize for being a h*rny bitch and not controling myself, so nsfw thots are marked like this so if u wanna skip that's fine.

and uh, first I'm gonna answer the investigative journalist hc and base everything about this in that solely thought because that's a galaxy brain thing to say.

I have a scenario that him dating an investigative journalist would be very chaotic, any thoughts?

AHDJSJ I LOVE THIS. okay okay but I feel like because of this job this is exactly why you guys met, like you needed some info and you asked some shiny but he didn't know a thing and you were like "is there someone I can talk with about this?" and when he's about to reply, Fox enters in action and he's like "need anything?" but sO COCKY.

he hates journalists mostly because some of them treat the clones very badly and never talk about the casualties or that kind of stuff about war, right.

like, it would turn into this-- banter filled with sexual tension that would've ended up in a make out session if 1. fox didn't have that much of self control and two if he weren't wearing his bucket.

it'd be like

"listen man-"

"it's commander for you." a pause, "or sir."

or like

"i need to do other things if you don't mind."

"i can think of a few you could be doing right now." and the way your eyes run through his entire body, even if he's all covered in plastoid but damn you if he isn't the hottest man walking, and he actually shivers, and gulps, because it's not like he wasn't thinking about that either, pushing down your pants and railing you right then and there in that fucking filthy alley. he is well aware how his suddenly codpiece feels too tight, but you only smirk and go, "you know, like giving me the information I need?"

KDJSJ IMAGINE THE POWER. THE POSSIBILITIES.

it'd be so ridiculous, but you also caused this impression on him that when you turned away to go on your business he was dEVASTED, but he didn't want to let u know he actually liked you. He's stubborn, that man.

So by some miracle when you're investigating something, you guys run into each other bc he's on patrol or something and he's GIDDY. but also frozen in place bc he didn't think he would ever see you again, mostly because Coruscant is big and has too many people in it. and you're like

"ah, commander fox, isn't it?" and he quickly resumes to say something that shows how aNNOYED he pretends to be, but he ends up tagging alone because "these parts are not safe"

"oh?"

"you'd need protection."

and the smirk you have is sO ARROGANT because it's not your first rodeo.

"you wouldn't want to have a civvie getting killed or something on your watch now, would you?" and he clears his throat and nods sharply. and you give him this innocent eyes and bat your lashes, "my hero."

and if you think those words didn't do aNYTHING to him, you're mistaken u hear me, he's instantly hARD.

so anyways after that YOU ask him out, and he's like, stuttering and saying yes and all.

now some random thoughts on this magnificent hc.

• if it can't be himself, he would always have the men he trusts the most going on patrols around the zone you're around in case something happens.

• he lOVES when you rant about something new you discovered, and when he asks for mOre info bc he's a, how do you say chismoso?, he loves gossip??? anyways and you're like "nu huh, you gotta wait till tomorrow, foxie"

• he aLWAYS makes sure to read/see your job, either if you work for some newspaper, magazine, etc or if you're on the TV he nEVER misses it.

• if you work for the TV, his brothers are always like "fOX YOUR GIRL IS ON THE HOLONET LIKE RN!!!" and he gives them this bitch face because he kNOWS THANK YOU.

• alright but imagine going on dates with him and being like "did you know there was an investigation last year around this part that–?" ROMANCE AT ITS PEAK.

• if his shift ends before you even think of going home, he definitely joins you on your investigations.

Where were you during the zillo beast attack?

uhh, I think you'd be home, like maybe you turned in early and fox maybe didn't know, so he was almost in tears when he called you after the whole thing happened because he was so worried.

of course, during the attack, he tried to push the thought aside, bc I think all clones have this, uh, switch, that makes them not worry during missions that much? just like, have this thought here and there but nothing serious that would make them paralyzed and have a panic attack right there. but every second he thought of you and hoped you were alright.

unlike you, that were worried sick because you saw the chaos unfold, the troopers arriving in shuttles and the jedi doing whatever they were doing and you just heard destruction. you DID cried a bit and when fox called you, you cried even harder. and he was like "it's alright, I'm alright baby."

that night he hold you SO tight, whispering sweet nothings on your ear and never stopped kissing you once. you barely got any sleep because you were so afraid of waking up only to find out the other died on the attack and it was all a dream.

throwing a surprise birthday party for him?

AAAAAH THIS IS SO CUTE.

now, clones don't exactly have a birthday???? but he did all these nice things for your birthday (he and the boys baked you a cake that was sO UGLY and tasted a bit weird) so you thought you could surprise him too.

it's most likely he gives you the date when he graduated from Kamino or something and for all the years you're with him, you never miss his "birthday" at first you did something quiet, like a dinner at your place, bought him something nice, gave him a bath or something and spoiled the shit out of him.

so for the second year, you threw him a party in his office, made him this cake or whatever and decorated with red and white balloons and invited a few troopers that wanted to help you and he was stoic for a moment, but then you were like "hAPPY BIRTHDAY!" and hugged him so tight and he relaxed under your touch and whispered this small "thank you baby"

everyone congratulated him and he was a bit awkward but when they start telling all these stories of them and fox on the job, he starts to loosen up a bit, so while everyone is eating cake he hugs you from behind and chuckling lowly in your ear as he listens to his brothers.

he dOESNT like pda like I said but he forgets for a moment because he just loves you sO SO SO SO MUCH. it's also easier for him to whisper filthy things into your ear and mumble how good you are for him, that he doesn't deserve you, that he can't wait for everyone to leave cause he wants to have his present (you) nipping your earlobe and making u all hot and bothered and would def fuck you nice and hard on his desk. yup

going shopping together

imagine, jUST IMAGINE, he'd look like your personal bodyguard 😭😭 like, he'd be behind you carrying most of your bags and people would look at you wondering who are you, why are you sO important to have the commander of the Coruscant guard with you???

but like, you don't care and fox doesn't even notice, and he'd be so attentive, faking to be both annoyed and uninterested but he'd see this nice shirt or dress or whatever and grumble something like "you'd look good on this" i just-

and like when you pass by the lingerie store, dUDE, he'd make you model for him, him sitting like he fucking owns the place, getting harder and harder every time he sees you in a new pair of underwear and when you show off this cute little red set. damn.

if you go to the market or something, he'd always love to show you these things like "look at that" or just pull you towards this stall and you'd adORE to show him stuff like, "ohh, fox here try this" or "what you think about this?" and stuff like that.

what's the friendship with his brothers like?

i think it'd be very easy-going and light, they would tease you sometimes, but they really like you, mostly because they see fox isn't as stressed as before and they see how happy he is when around you.

they think he deserve it, to have somewhere where he's free and loved, so yeah.

they sometimes ask him about you and never miss a chance to say hi when you stop by the office.

the boys absolutely ADORE you.

why do i fell he would be good with kids? Like your nephew or something. does he get the dad genes from Jango?

HE WOULD AND HE DOES.

like, I think at first he'd be very hesitant when it comes to children, like he'd be nervous when you introduce him to your niece and when you ask him if he wants to hold her, he says a quick no and just prefers to watch you, heart feeling funny when you make faces at the little baby in your arms.

at some point he dOES hold her, with such care and a gentleness that makes your heart flutter, and he coos softly as she sleeps soundly in his arms, rocking her with a delicacy you thought impossible from such hard man, and when he looks at you his eyes shine with this flash of something you can quite place but makes your heart skip a beat and think of how much you'd love to have this, with him, a little family, a baby that has his curls and maybe your eyes, a mix of your skin color with his and maybe his stubbornness completed by your charisma. a perfect little thing for you two to hold and care and love.

he'd be such a good dad, but then again every clone would be the most fantastic dad bc it's literally in their genes.

if you have a nephew that is, u know, older but still a kiddie, like 5 or 6, the lil boy would be aMAZED by fox, he'd love him so much, like imagine, always asking for the commander, wanting to play with him, asking fox to carry him eVERYWHERE, and at first fox would be like, shy and uncertain and he wouldn't know how to act until he accepts the fact that this little boy really likes him and looks up to him and fox becomes The Cool Uncle™

post-war AU? in the timeline where Palpatine chokes and dies like he's supposed to and Getting!! Married!! (eventualy)

well, in my post-war AU, clones get Rights™ and get paid and have vacations and stuff, sO, maybe you get to have Fox for a little more time and his schedule isn't as bad as it was during the war, so maybe after the war you get home to a nice dinner and fox using this silly apron and sometimes you come home early just so you can cook with him.

maybe you go on holidays to these nice places, going to the beach or the woods and finally settling somewhere quiet, start a family in this nice house or if you don't want kids then it's just the two of you and maybe a few pets.

i think the wedding would be officiated in Coruscant, of course, so his brothers and your fam can go, he'd definitely cry when he see you walking down the isle or when you put the ring on his finger and he'd be so so so happy, dancing with you all night, being so clingy because he's just Over the moon, y'know, kissing your cheeks and neck, whispering how lucky he is and how much he loves you, and how good you look, never leaving your side and always leaning over with pouty lips for you to kiss him.

when he proposed it was during one of your sweet, soft times with him, maybe in the aftertaste of your sexy times, as he holds you close to his chest, fingers running up and down your skin, as he stares at the ceiling and the question comes out as if he were talking about the weather, his heartbeat is slow and steady and it's one of those times he feels confident and sure.

you have talked about a future together, so he knows you'd say yes.

it's more a statement than a question, really.

"marry me." he would say, so quietly, almost a whisper. and when you look up you only find this beautiful emotion filling his eyes.

"what?" you just want to make sure you heard right, he'd smile softly, cup your cheek and as his thumb caresses your skin he'd whisper.

"will you marry me?"

you oBVIOUSLY say yes while ugly sobbing.

#ANYWAYS #i love fox #i love him your honor #I LOVE HIM #commander fox x reader #commander fox #headcanons #ted talks with ari

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brackenfur · 4 years

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reedwhisker & mistystar drabble

i always wanted a scene in shattered sky between these two; poor reedwhisker had been held prisoner by darktail, and i always felt like mistystar must’ve been worried sick about her poor baby - i decided to write something for them bc these two rly are one of my fave families in all of wc.

after reedwhisker is rescued, before he goes on the patrol with the other deputies to talk to onestar.

Mistystar’s eyes are fond as she looks over him, slowly padding into the medicine cat den. “Hi. How are you doing?”

Reedwhisker blinks, squinting at the light seeping into the den from outside; the hollow of ThunderClan’s camp usually offers shelter from the harsh elements, but at this time of day, the sunlight seems to be especially blinding.

He smiles at his mother weakly. “I’m alright, Mistystar. Hanging in there.”

She frowns; his mother’s tail twitches absentmindedly as she looks around, as though pondering of something else to say. After a few moments of strange silence, she settles down, curling her tail over her paws as she sits in front of him. She eyes Reedwhisker cautiously.

“Leafpool said you were getting better,” she murmurs, relief in her voice.

Reedwhisker shrugs, ignoring the stab of discomfort as he jostles his aching shoulder. “Almost as good as new; ready to get back to our own camp, once this is all over.”

His mother stares down at him, overlooking him with pained eyes. “I heard you want to go on the patrol to WindClan to speak to Onestar,” she says slowly; Reedwhisker knows his leader’s tone well, and knows that she’s ready to discourage him from doing so.

He’s already building up his protests as she continues: “And I don’t think you should.”

“Mistystar, I’m fine,” he tells her, gritting his teeth. “Well, okay - I’m better. You said it yourself - Leafpool says I’m getting better. I can make the walk to WindClan and back; Bramblestar wants the deputies of each Clan to go.”

“I can send Mintfur, or Minnowtail,” Mistystar meows, her voice tight. “You need your rest, Reedwhisker; I don’t-”

“I’m fine,” he repeats, tail-tip twitching. He’s trying to remain respectful of his leader and mother, but he can’t help but think she’s being overprotective in this moment - he’s healed from Darktail’s prison, more or less, and the walk won’t be too hard for him. He made it to ThunderClan camp, afterall, and that was when he was days from StarClan’s paws.

“You need rest,” she tells him, abandoning the soft approach for something more authoritative. “You almost-” She hesitates, as if saying the word could make it come true. “Your condition could have been much worse.”

“I’m alive and ready to protect my Clan,” he reminds her, twitching his whiskers. “I want to take down Darktail, Mistystar; Bramblestar and the other leaders want my help convincing Onestar to join us. What - do you think I can’t do it?”

He knows he’s being unfair to her, lashing out at his mother for the pain he still feels from his time as a prisoner; he can see her flinch slightly.

“I know you can do it,” she tells him firmly.

“But you don’t want me to.”

“No,” she says simply, narrowing her eyes. “You need to recover, and stay in this camp for as long as possible until you can walk around without needing breaks because your shoulder hurts too much.”

They’re both silent for a few moments, eyes locked on one another, until Reedwhisker finally lowers his gaze.

“Are you saying this as my leader,” he meows softly, “or as my mother?”

Mistystar is silent for a long time; he almost thinks she’s going to walk out of the den, until she finally speaks: “As your mother,” Her voice sounds...broken, almost, losing all of it’s strictness from minutes before. She sounds exhausted. “As your mother, Reedwhisker, please stay here. Stay with me. I can’t-”

She stops, and he realizes that she’s shut her eyes, turned away from him for a moment as she composes herself.

“I thought I was going to lose you.” She finally says, shaking her head and looking down at him with a devastated expression.

“You didn’t, though,” he meows, flattening his ears. He’s suddenly back to when he was an apprentice, when it was just he and Mistystar left in their little family. “I’m right here, Mom.”

She cracks the tiniest smile at hearing him call her Mom; it’s been a long time since he’s done so - he’s also her deputy, after all. He can’t invoke much respect from RiverClan if he’s trailing after her, calling her Mom and Mama.

“But I almost did,” she reminds him, sighing. “You don’t know how hard it was to leave you, when Darktail drove us out of our territory. Reedwhisker, you- you don’t realize, how agonizing it was to walk away from you.” Her eyes are swimming with emotion. “I failed you.”

“You had to protect the rest of RiverClan,” he tells her sincerely; he doesn’t blame his mother for leaving him behind, not with the threat of her and the rest of the Clan being killed by the Kin. Darktail meant business; they’ve all come to realize it. He didn’t teter around or make exceptions - it was leave Reedwhisker and the others behind, or die themselves. No room for comprises, and the Clan was in no state to keep fighting.

“But as your mom, my job is to protect you,” she reminds him, and it’s at this point her shoulders shake; he can see how hard these past few weeks have been on her, and he realizes at this point - not for the first time, but this time with more shock and dread than any of the others - that she is an old molly, an old molly who has lost too much and been through some horrible times.

“You’re my mother and my leader,” he says, and then finds himself chuckling lightly. “You kinda-” He shakes his head. “I mean, Ma, you kind of asked for some complicated emotions when you asked me to be deputy. Sometimes I forget you’re my leader, and I can’t just treat you like I did when I was ‘paw.”

She sighs; she gives him a weak smile. “Believe me, so many others were telling me the same thing when I made you deputy,” she tells him, voice soft. “There’s times when...when all I want is to comfort you, or stop everything to ask you how your day has been going, if you’re finally going to give me grandkits,” At this, Reedwhisker rolls his eyes. “But I don’t regret asking you to be my deputy; the pros have outweighed the cons by far.”

“Cons like now,” he meows, frowning. “Where you’re blaming yourself for making the best possible decision for the rest of RiverClan, and trying too hard to protect me. But I’m- I’m a grown cat now, Mom. I’m your deputy; you need to trust that I’m making the best decisions, too.”

She blinks at him. “It’s just so hard, when all I can think about is you in that prison, being starved and neglected, about you almost dying,” She shuts her eyes. “You...I mean, for StarClan’s sake, after TigerClan, how was I supposed to feel, baby?”

He looks away; he’s come to realize over the past few days that his mother must have thought back to Tigerstar’s rule over RiverClan while he was with Darktail. He knows that, but her saying it makes it more raw, more real, for him; he feels a nugget of guilt in his belly, for lashing out at her when she must have been plagued by nightmares about all those years ago.

(Sometimes, he has them as well.)

“We both made it through those times,” he tells her, reaching a paw forward to place it on hers. “Mom, we both made it through those guys. We just need to go the extra step, and get rid of Darktail for good - let me do this. For both of us.”

She blinks, ears flattened to her head. “You’re so stubborn,” she says, a very light purr dipping into her words. “You remind me of your uncle; Stonefur...he never listened to me, either. Always telling me I’m overprotective, I fret too much.” She seems to be lost in her memories for a few heartbeats. “I lost him, and your brothers and sister - I just have you left, baby. You’re an adult now, and yes you’re my deputy, but-” She sighs. “You’re my only baby left.”

“All I have is you, too,” he reminds her, frowning up at her. “You’re my only family, Mom - don’t you see? I have to protect you, too. Family isn’t just moms protecting their stubborn sons; it’s sons protecting their tough moms, too.”

She shakes her head at him again, but he gets a small chuckle from her. “Just like Stonefur,” she sighs, taking a deep breath. “If I let you go to WindClan, will you promise me that you will come back home as soon as you start to get dizzy, or if you start limping? Any sign that you’re not feeling well, you come straight home.”

Reedwhisker blinks, and nods at her. “I promise, Mom. I’m fine.”

She stares down at him, nodding slowly. “I can’t lose you,” she reminds him, sighing. “But I have to let you be my deputy; I know that.”

Reedwhisker smiles at her, and begins to sit up; his joints ache, but it’s not nearly as bad as it was. He’ll make the journey there and back; he has to. For himself, for his mother, for RiverClan in all - he needs to do this. Anything he can do to take Darktail down, he’ll jump into, no hesitations.

“I love you,” Mistystar tells him, looking over him for a moment before touching her nose to his forehead. “You always were the best option for RiverClan’s deputy; not many cats would have endured everything you have, and still give their all to protect us. I’m so proud of you.”

Reedwhisker swallows down his emotion; he’s an adult, a senior warrior of many seasons; he knows he can’t get emotional at his mother’s words.

“I’m proud of you too,” he tells her, giving her cheek a lick.

She moves back, looking him over, and gives him a nod. “Don’t let Onestar boss you around, though; that tom is in no position to tell my son what to do, or how to act. He’s an idiot.”

Reedwhisker affectionately rolls his eyes, smiling at her. “Yes, Mom.”

#shark noises #wc #writings #reedwhisker #mistystar

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themilky-way · 5 years

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Different Colors {p.p}

gif credit: mentioned above!

pairing: peter parker x stark!reader

summary: you and peter develop a friendship as you help each other cope with the aftermath of Endgame.

warnings: some angst?? and there are some minor hints of depression and I am not trying to romanticize it so please, if you notice some errors and mistakes w how I wrote it, let me know so I can fix! and this contains some endgame spoilers so if you haven't seen it, I recommend you don’t read this and skip it! this doesn’t contain ffh spoilers so no need to worry!

author’s note: this is more platonic than romantic so I wanted to try out something new! also I'm in my peter parker feels bc this hoe watched far from home so request some peter stuff folks. additionally, does the “keep reading” thing work for ya’ll? its being a b to me on my laptop but it works on my phone so lemme know

----------

life after the final war was difficult. smiling and pushing forward was hard enough on its own. you felt numb and weak, despite putting on a mask of strength for your family and everyone around you. your father, one of the most important figures in your life and in the entire universe, had left. bright images adorned every street you walked through, framed family portraits roamed every corridor in your home, your supposed safe haven.

you tried your very best to keep going, to put in your mind the fact that tony stark died heroically and to save the universe. at the start of every new day, you told yourself these exact words so you would move on. but, nonetheless, you simply couldn’t. it was at these points in your life where you envied your sister’s youth. morgan was too young to fully comprehend the death of her father and, thus, didn’t grieve as deeply as the others did.

you eventually started disappearing to the rest of the avenger’s, who were now dispersed mentally amongst themselves, but still lived at the headquarters. your visits would be less frequent and when you did go, it was only to deliver some personal drawings morgan would make of them in school. sometimes, if the group was lucky, you would actually come inside for a quick chat.

back home wasn't any different either. pepper would notice the full plates of food in the fridge you refused to eat, using the lame excuse of “I’m just not hungry tonight.” your bedroom lights were now always off and replaced with a candle you lit 24/7 next to a picture of tony. the house was quiet. everything that had to do with your persona was now excruciatingly quiet.

worried for her daughter’s wellbeing, pepper found herself dialing a number she never would have called. her shaking, skinny fingers pressed each digit on the phone screen and finally hit the call button. she pressed it against her ear and prayed, on everything that has ever been sacred, that the child on the other end would pick up. and when they finally did, their voice audibly breaking as yours now always did, things began to change.

you, the daughter of a famous billionaire and hero to the universe, met peter parker a month after tony’s funeral. you opened the door to your dim-lighted room to come face to face with your mom, a young boy who looked about your age, and your sister, morgan.

pepper’s eyes looked red from crying and so did the boy’s, whilst morgan’s were confused and worrisome. your eyes, however, were tired and dark circles now adorned your once soft features. you were scared that something had happened, senses toppling with one another as you tried to register any other dangers to your family.

“mom, what’s going on? are you alright, did anything happen? mo, are you sick?” your voice was hoarse and came out in strangled vowels as your eyes questioned everyone there.

“we’re doing alright, bub, no need to worry. is it alright if we come in to talk to you?” pepper asked. you agreed, and stepped aside so everyone could pass through.

as everyone made their way into your room, you sat down crisscross on one side as pepper and morgan sat in front of you. the boy, unlike your mother and sister, stood awkwardly at the end of your bed.

“(y/n), this is peter parker, the one with the stark internship. peter, you can come closer if you’d like,” pepper said as she motioned to peter. the boy obliged, inching a few steps forward with his hands in the pockets of his black jeans.

“um, hey peter, I guess?” your hands fiddled with each other in your lap as you said so, but you managed to look up at peter, who in turn looked away in a shy manner. flicking your eyes back to pepper’s, before asking her what this was all about.

“well, honey, ever since your father passed away, you’ve been distant and I understand we’re all still coping with it. but I-we-have noticed that you’re isolating yourself and have completely lost communication with us.” your mom’s hands reached over to cover yours, which were nervously shaking. “(y/n), we all miss him. we all loved him. but if we don’t let the pain from our past go, we can’t heal.”

amidst your mom’s speech, you couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment where you had let your emotions get the best of you. you felt the salty taste of your tears run down your lips and neck as you made no effort in wiping them away. you needed to get it out.

that’s when peter and morgan handed you a tissue and you looked up to see their outstretched hands holding the thin material towards you. you took the tissue from both of them, using one to wipe your eyes and the other to blow your nose. peter, who was still in an awkward position, stepped in.

“it’s y/n), right?” he paused as you gave him a nod. “I know we don’t know each other at all but your mom asked me to come check on you. I agreed because I figured we both lost a father, and we could help each other as best we could.”

“my dad talked about you a lot. after the snap, he would always dedicate his evenings to finding out a solution. he really did love you as a son. morgan and I just never got a chance to meet you,” you recited. peter was listening intently as you spoke with his arms crossed over his chest, eyes beginning to fill with tears at your words.

pepper was quiet amongst your first interaction with peter. this is what she wanted. she wanted to know what and how you felt, your thoughts that have been running through your head since her husband’s sacrifice. and she knew she didn't make a mistake when you began to open up.

pepper motioned to morgan to give you and peter some time to talk and morgan happily obeyed her mom. they both got up from the bed which caused you to face them with a confused expression.

your mother acknowledged your confusion and spoke with a calm and quiet tone, “we’re gonna let you guys talk for a while, is that okay, honey? peter?”

“I-uh-um yeah that's fine, mom,” you said. you shifted to face peter to find an answer and for a few seconds his gaze switched between you and pepper. “yeah that's totally fine. there’s things that I need to get out of my chest, too.”

your mom smiled lightly and took Morgan’s tiny hand in her own as she walked out of the room. before closing the door completely, morgan’s free hand raised to give you a small wave and you returned it, a genuine smile crossing your features for the first time in a while. the door shut, the light that was once in your room leaving alongside the two people you loved.

you leaned over to turn the lamp on your nightstand on, the light momentarily blinding you because you had become used to a darker ambient. both you and peter had a chance to appropriately greet each other and offered him the chair from your desk.

afterwards, you both sat across from each other and simply talked. it was a conversation that neither of you expected to be comforting, but it was. feelings and emotions escaped out of you and you swore that you felt your heart began to stitch itself back together.

and that’s how it was from that point on. you and peter began to hang out a couple times per week; helping him out with a spider-man problem or even as simple as solving a physics equation was enough to bring you both back to the joy of being in the real world. he, in turn, organized days where you, peter, and morgan would play UNO card sessions while pepper and aunt may chatted.

with your mom, you began to tell her how you felt and everything that had been locked up within you was shared. because of that, you and pepper grew closer as a mother and daughter.

it was a genuine friendship that was formed by the most devastating circumstances. the avengers, you and your family, and peter were finally able to see the world in different colors.

#peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker #avenger endgame #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #spider-man #spiderman homecoming #tony stark #avengers #avengers endgame spoilers #marvel imagines #marvel

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brunchbitch · 4 years

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TW suicide

To everyone who has been commenting and sending me messages, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I don’t feel I can respond to each one individually bc I’m trying to just focus on resting, but I am very grateful.

I got moved out of the ICU this morning which was really nice, but I’m still on an EKG so they can continue to monitor my heart on the medical floor. My throat hurts soooo bad and I keep coughing up phlegm. I also discovered a big bump on my head that must’ve happened when I fell, so I’ve been icing that. I’m done with both IVs which is great bc one of them was hurting like a bitch. Not totally sure what next steps are going to be. I know they want to take a good look at my meds and, since I’m on so many, it’ll take some time to get me back on them. I’ll either be doing that on this medical floor so I can continue to be monitored closely, or will go to the psych unit here where i was before if they’re not as worried about the medical stuff. My sister in law came by yesterday and she told me that my nephew gave her the stuffed animal I gave to him after his surgery. He said he wanted me to have it and it made me burst into tears. He doesn’t know most of it, but he knows I’m sick. I feel terrible.

My mom and dad have been spending a lot of time here. They both spent the night the first night so they were there when the doctor pulled out the breathing tube at 2am. I feel fucking awful and am surprised they’ve been here so much when the DBT “protocol” in the past has been coaching them not to be here when I do stuff like this so it’s not reinforcing. I think it’s probably bc the doctors genuinely didn’t know when or even whether I would wake up. The doctors said if I had been in my apartment much longer, I would’ve stopped breathing.

My mom has been crying a lot. She said the goodbye videos I made were devastating. She was surprised with how clear-headed I seemed, which made it a lot harder. I never meant for anyone to see those videos if I survived. There’s so much I don’t remember from that night and that scares me. I’m not sure if it was from the drinking or the pills or my brain just deciding to block it out bc it was traumatic, but I’ve had to be told a lot of what happened secondhand which is hard. I found out one of the really nosy neighbors in my building saw me being taken out to the ambulance and asked my dad what happened. He wasn’t sure what to say but he just told her I had been drinking too much. I’m humiliated bc I feel like she’s gonna tell everyone.

I also feel so fucking stupid bc in my video to one of my brothers and sisters in law, I told them how happy and excited I was for them (my SIL just told me she was pregnant this week but hadn’t told anyone else in my family). Mom said she was watching it with my dad, two of my brothers (not the same one), and my sister in law (not the pregnant one). Mom said at that point when I mentioned it, they all looked at each other and started laughing. I’m grateful there was one light-hearted moment. But when I started talking to my older brother/SIL in the video about how much I love them and their kids and that I will live on through the kids, my brother broke down and said he couldn’t watch it anymore, that it was too painful. When my SIL first came into my hospital room before I woke up, she burst into tears and left the room.

I hate myself for how much I’ve hurt everyone. Even L stopped by yesterday and told me that she was really upset with me for OD’ing on the meds she prescribes me. She said she was devastated when she found out. She said it’s clearer now than ever that I need to be doing trauma work, otherwise this stuff will keep happening. She told that to my parents too, that we can’t be sweeping anything under the rug anymore, so my mom has been researching family therapists. My mom said that this event helped her see how much we’ve been avoiding the hard things and that it was a wake up call to all of them that things are still really hard and They need to be doing some work as well. The doctors here have been talking to me a lot about my guilt and that I have a disease and used the diabetes example which seems to be a favorite analogy of all the therapists I’ve had (that if I had diabetes and needed to go into the hospital to take care of myself, I wouldn’t feel guilty) but this obviously feels so different bc it was a choice.

Everyone knows now about how much trouble I’ve been having with drinking bc my mom read my journal and scanned the pages to L (which I was pretty pissed about, but I understand why she did it). It’s scary that people know that bc I’m not sure if I’m ready to give up drinking, but I do see what a negative effect it’s had on everything and it’s sort of a relief to not be hiding it anymore.

I’ve had zero appetite since I’ve been here and it hurts to swallow, thus it hurts to eat, but I’m trying to force myself bc I already feel really weak from just laying in bed for several days. And I know starving myself isn’t going to make anything better. I’m really gonna have to work my butt off if I’m gonna be able to go to Belize. I still haven’t told A what happened yet. I just don’t know how to. I’m worried he won’t want to go on the trip with me anymore, that he’ll be too scared about how fragile I am.

Ugh. I would do anything to go back to that night and do things differently.

#personal #tw #trigger warning #tw suicide #tw suicidal #tw suicide attempt #a #inpatient #hospital #psych hospital

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gayerluke · 5 years

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so i’ve been meaning to write about this for almost a week now since it happened early tuesday morning, but i’ve been burying myself in hyperfixation hell to distract from the utter shock & devastation of it. but i owe my friends on main to talk about it bc i know you guys care about me & my little family.

tw for animal death

my rat patrick passed away extremely suddenly & unexpectedly in the middle of the night between monday & tuesday. he was euthanized at the ER & went peacefully. i wasn’t with him during the actual moment (protocol with small animals is different because they use a different method) but i gave him a lot of love right before they took him back.

both rats were completely FINE early monday. they were active & behaving normally, like little scamps. i came in late that night to check them before bed. david was his normal self, climbing up the cage bars to come see me. patrick, however, was curled up in a little ball, fur all puffed out, eyes squinted: classic sick rat pose. i picked him up & he was awake & responsive, but didn’t squirm like he normally would. his breathing was extremely labored. to me it seemed like an upper respiratory infection, but it’s unusual for them to come on so suddenly -- usually you’ll see mild symptoms building up over the course of maybe a week before it gets this bad (i would’ve definitely begun treatment well before he had reached the state he was in). URIs can usually be treated with simple antibiotics/anti-inflammatories, which needs to be supplemented with a probiotic bc rats are hindgut fermentors who need the beneficial bacteria to digest. but i knew this was bad enough that he needed to go to the ER bc he needed oxygen.

took both rats with me to help reduce the stress for them. this was about 3am. the person who opened the door for me was someone i know from school, of course, bc there’s literally nowhere in town i can go without someone i know working there. it’s fine though bc she was kind of a calming presence & also they can tell the doctor im a tech so they dont dumb it down for me. they took him back right away & took vitals; breathing was labored like i said but he was also hypothermic with a temp of 96; normal is 100-102.5, same as a dog or cat. they put him in an incubator with heat & oxygen. took x-rays, found fluid in the lungs but also AROUND the lungs, known as pleural effusion.

it was at this point that i knew it was not a simple URI but something really really bad. i associate pleural effusion with heart disease; fluid builds up in the institial spaces when blood isn’t being pumped properly. the dr said the fluid could either be pus from infection, blood from trauma, or free fluid (water basically) from a cardiac abnormality, likely congenital given his age. the only way to know for sure was a thoracentesis (chest tap) for $2,000, which didn’t guarantee anything except diagnosis of the type of fluid, & could also cause further damage. just sending him home on antibiotics wasn’t going to work unless we knew it was an infection & could jeopardize his health even further. she also revealed that she didn’t want to do outpatient bc she really didn’t think he’d survive very long outside of the oxygen cage. i was there for several hours just trying to come to a decision. ultimately i chose to let him go. he was only 3 months old.

i elected to have a necropsy performed on site free of charge (as opposed to sending it out to the big lab for more precise diagnosis). i had to call the vet 4 times to finally get ahold of the attending doctor to get the report; the 4th time i called i sobbed on the phone to the receptionist. waiting was the worst fucking part. finally got to talk to her yesterday. the ER vet’s best guess was a congenital heart defect; however the vet who did the necropsy found that it was in fact a severe infection. i can’t help blaming myself & wondering if he could’ve been saved if i’d just taken him home on the antibiotic meds, or if it could’ve been prevented if i’d taken better care of him.

i’ve been a complete wreck since then, breaking down in sobs a lot. i didn’t sleep for 4 days. but the absolute worst part of all this is david. rats are social animals; they CANNOT live alone. human companionship isn’t enough. now i put him in his carrier & set it out on the couch or bed with a towel down so he can hang out with me for 6-8 hours a day. but he’s too nervous to come out of the carrier (patrick was always the investigative one who’d let david know when it was safe). he mostly sleeps all day. he is not eating much if anything & i’m trying to keep track of any weight loss, though he does seem to eat a bit with the emergency nutrical smeared on his kibble.

so now i’m at a crossroads: i either get another rat, which i’m not totally sure i want to do, or re-home him. the necropsy results help me determine that, because they’re most likely littermates so if patrick had a heart defect david could too.

again, i’ve been in stasis the last 5 days but now i have to make a tangible plan. at this point i’m leaning towards getting a second rat; david & i have bonded so much over this experience that i don’t want to give him away & really, 2 rats aren’t much more work than one. i might go back to the reptile store where they’re from to see if the owner (who i know) will just give me another one with good temperament.

but first david needs a vet appointment to see if he has any evidence of infection setting in, or if he should have prophylactic antibiotics. the cage & room need a deep clean. technically i could get a new rat right now since i’d want to quarantine both of them for 2 weeks, but unfortch i’m flying to fucking portland again next friday. i need to find where to board him.

sorry this is so long but i’ve really been Processing it all. i’ve spent all week in shock. for the first 2 days i couldn’t look at david without breaking down in full-on sobs. patrick was only 3 months. he was doing so well & becoming a big boy. i’m heartbroken. but i’m determined to still give david a good life.

#animal death -#pet death -

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welovekpopscenarios · 6 years

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In Your Arms (WW2!AU Wonwoo x Reader)

Admin: Mimi

The war is raging as terrible as ever, and Wonwoo is so close to getting home, yet so far when the enemy threat is still around the corner. All he wants to do is to go home, to where he knows you are waiting for him, and kiss you with all his might. All he has to do is survive waiting on this damned beach for a boat to take him there - WW2/War!AU

Fandom: SEVENTEEN

Genre: Angst, bit of fluff

Pairing: Wonwoo x Reader

Warnings: A bit of violence, war, death, etc. Nothing major tho

Word Count: 2820

A/N: Fun fact: this story/idea has been in my list since the 25th of july after I came home from seeing the movie Dunkirk in the cinema. It wasn’t until the other night when I watched it again that I finally bit the bullet and wrote this story. Now, I know Wonwoo is Korean and not in any way British, but let’s just pretend in this fictional story that the boys fought for Britain and were on the beaches of Dunkirk during WW2. I just really loved the story of Dunkirk and this idea has been on my mind for so long that I had to write it, bc clearly I can’t create an original story of my own bc I have no talent or imagination and I’m a terrible writer. Anyway, I hope you give this story a chance bc I’m actually kinda happy with it, and that you also check out the movie Dunkirk if you haven’t seen it – it is absolutely fantastic and every man in it is a snack. You don’t have to know about what happened at Dunkirk to read this story, but it is a very interesting part of history and a very sad one, so maybe you’ll read up about it. Anyway, enjoy and as always, happy reading, I love you all :D

The harsh sounds of the ocean greeting the sand in an angered haste almost disguised the sounds of gunshots occurring in the devastated French city of Dunkirk just beyond the temporary borders set up at the edges of the beach.

Almost.

It was quite difficult to forget that awful bang and metallic ringing once it did enter your ears, Wonwoo thinks, and he prays no other men should have to experience that horrible clang in their life, that he shouldn’t have to hear it anymore, that this dreadful war will be put to an end soon and they can all go home to their normal lives before the world was thrust into a dark pit of hatred and violence. But it would seem impossible to just forget every terrible deed that has been commited these past few weeks and return to a blissfully ignorant life.

Besides, the horrible, nerve-wracking wailing sounds from the fighter bombers are the loudest and most terrible of all, and overpower every sound in the area: the waves, the gunshots, the screams, the crying.

Wonwoo just wants to go home.

He’s not built for war. Wonwoo is tall yet lanky, smart yet sluggish, and his hands are definitely made for holding books, not weapons. He isn’t strong and agile like Mingyu, or Seungcheol, or even Seokmin. He’s pacifistic in nature, and mild mannered, just like Jeonghan and Joshua. He wasn’t meant to be dragged into a battle to point a gun at other men who had the very same wishes as him; to return to their families and forget everything about this damned hell they were living. But, of course, when war wages, the responsibility to protect your country and loved ones comes first, and thousands of young, able-bodied men were shipped out to fight in the streets, fields and beaches of France against foreign invaders. It is about the only thing Wonwoo can justify about fighting in this war.

Because war and terror aside, he’d do anything to keep you safe and sound.

Sitting here on an overturned tank next to Mingyu and Vernon, who was currently nursing his shoulder from a bullet graze he received some time ago, they all awaited the ships that would take them back to Britain to wait for the battle that would inevitably occur in their homeland.

If they could return to begin with, seeing as the bomber planes were picking them off like fish in a barrel on the beach; 400,000+ men on these sands, some meeting their end while waiting for safety. Wonwoo was sick of ducking for cover at this point, and could barely even hear properly anymore, what with all the constant assault on his eardrums rendering them nearly useless at the moment.

Tragic, he thinks bitterly, that home is just beyond that sea, but so out of reach. Countless deaths on this very beach while men died clinging to hope that they get home safely.

Home.

Where you are.

You are his home.

And Wonwoo wants nothing more than to hop on the next ship that arrives with his brothers and run into your warm, waiting arms, not stand on this blood-soaked sand waiting and wondering if the next time the plane flies overhead will hit its target and force him to draw his last breath.

He shudders at the thought, watches idly as soldiers carry the wounded to the mole and onto the docked ship waiting to sail home and fix up the men who have definitely seen better days. He hears the chatter from the other boys, hears the generals and captains shouting orders, hears the whispered venom falling from men’s lips about the state of their current situation – hears it all. But he isn’t focused on it now that he has a moment to rest. The sounds are muffled, his vision blurred.

The only thing he sees and hears, as crystal clear as the sky above him, contrasting against the muddied and bloodied warfare raging beneath the blue sky, is you.

You, standing before him, waving him off with tears streaming down your cheeks as the train took him away to the docks to be sent to war.

Oh, how he longs to see your smile in front of him as opposed to in his dreams, how he wants to feel your flesh against his, not the rough spun fabric of his uniform. He doesn’t want to feel stones and sand caught in his boots or aches in his muscles or an adrenaline fuelled heartbeat. He only feels pain, feels longing, feels scared, feels-

grass blades licking at the bottom of his feet as he walked, the garden surrounding him in light and colour and all things warm. Despite his height, he almost felt small in the country garden, just a speck amongst greens, reds, blues, whites, the list was endless. The garden was so bright and vibrant, he could almost ignore the PSA that rang out on the radio just an hour ago that spoke fancy words as a cover up for thousands of young men’s impending doom. Including his own. They needed men now.

So distracted was he, that he almost didn’t notice your prone form, lying on the soft bed of grass with a blanket beneath you and basking in the spot of sunshine, glowing high above the countryside. There you lay, arms cushioning your head, eyes closed and seemingly without a care in the world.

He knew better than that.

He knew how your face dropped as the crackle of the radio reached both your ears, your face growing more weary and pale with each damned word. Yet you had sat in silence, nodded your head once it was finished, and returned to peeling the potatoes for the dinner, albeit a bit more roughly than required. Once that was over with and they sat boiling in the pot, you retreated to the garden, and Wonwoo hadn’t heard a peep from you for near 25 minutes since you did.

He stopped just shy of you, lowering himself to sit next to you, eyes memorizing over the lines of your peaceful face. He can’t just stare any more. He has to memorise it – save it for the dark days to come when you aren’t by his side and he has no strength to stand. It causes a dead weight to plunge into his stomach, fingers denting crescents into the flesh of his legs from his grip.

“The dinner didn’t burn, did it?” you broke the silence, eyes still closed and voice as soft as cotton. Wonwoo mumbled out a no, shaking his head lightly. You sighed through your nose, a long, drawn out exhale that deflated your chest in the process. “I must cook all of your favourite meals for dinner from now on before you go. It might be a while before you can have them again.” The words are bitter, and rightfully so, an awful poison on your tongue that doesn’t suit your nature, that isn’t you.

He wants to say everything will be fine, that he’ll be home in no time and that the world will be safe once he does. But he knows that isn’t what you want to hear, it isn’t particularly what he wants to hear either, and so he stays silent, stewing in his torment, and lets the music playing from the gramophone fill the air instead.

He picks at strands of grass, rolling the blades between his long, slender fingertips, wondering how on earth these fingers are meant to pull triggers and kill. He just can’t imagine it.

“When are you leaving?” you whispered, hands now grasping at your woollen skirt, fidgeting - pulling and straightening.

Wonwoo shrugs.

“I think in about a week or so, we’ll be taken away to start training. The radio said something about wanting men to join the fight as soon as possible and to sign up as soon as possible,” he answered, voice low and quiet, feeling as though he were threading on glass with this conversation.

You rolled over on your side, brows furrowed the slightest, but face otherwise blank, and Wonwoo hates that more than if you were outright angry or upset. He can’t gauge how you feel, because you know the duty men have in times of war, but you also know the trauma that comes with it, and someone like Wonwoo does not fit the description of a killer.

“A week or so?” you replied. A nod from Wonwoo. You sit up sluggishly, almost reluctantly, and keep your eyes trained on your feet. “Right. I’ll have to head to the market and get all the ingredients tomorrow. And I’ll see what I can get to give you for your journey. Whatever might be useful and you’re able to sneak in with you, I’ll give it to you. I’ll ask Sharon, her brother was deployed around a month or so ago. She should know.”

The music’s sweet tones wafted into the silence once more after your words, so resolute and strong that Wonwoo thinks you could almost take his place in the war instead, you’ve always been so capable.

“Thank you.” A nod from you. “At least you aren’t crying,” he tries to joke, but judging by your stiff posture and the guilt eating away at his heart, it wasn’t every funny.

“I’ll do it when you’re gone. Believe me,” you retort, words harsh in a quiet way, as sharp as steel. His throat closed up and his heart gave a lurch.

“I’m…I’m so sorry, I-“

“What for?” you asked quickly, whipping around to face him, eyes wide in a frenzy and fists clenched, bundling the fabric up in your hands and wrinkling it in the process. “For doing your duty? For the war? For protecting your country? None of that is your fault, Wonwoo, don’t be foolish-“

“For leaving you.”

You looked like you wanted to reply; to snap back about how he hasn’t left yet, or how it was happening to everyone, that the urgency of the war was more important than this, but you couldn’t. The words wouldn’t leave your lips. Maybe it was the solemn look on Wonwoo’s graceful features, or the sickening dead weight in your stomach as soon as the radio announcer said good evening to the country so gravely, or your disastrous thoughts of Wonwoo’s possible death in a foreign land that stilled your lips. Wonwoo took a deep breath.

“I made a promise, that day when I married you, when you looked as beautiful as now, all dressed up and with that gorgeous smile of yours on your face, that I would never leave you. I said it with my own voice, in my own words, and with your hands in mine. I would not leave your side. For better or for worse. It was a promise I intended to keep, but now I have to break it.” Wonwoo took hold of your fists in his, so small they seemed compared to his own, his heart ached at the faint tremble emanating from them.

“I have to break my promise, and I couldn’t be sorrier,” he continued, thumbs rubbing gentle circles on your skin. “But I promise I will come back to you. I have to keep you safe first, but once it’s all over with, I’ll come back, and I’ll hold you when you go to sleep, and I’ll walk with you to the market on Saturday mornings, and I’ll dance with you late at night where you’ll put your head on my shoulder and hum along to the songs the way I like it. I’ll come home. And I won’t ever leave you.”

He could see the crystalline tears forming at the corners of your eyes, could hear your shallow breathing, and yet you were still so strong. Wonwoo was envious, wishes he could be as brave as you. That’s what he loves about you, he guesses. No, he knows.

“You will come back, Mr Wonwoo, or I will kill you myself,” you threaten weakly, and he huffs out a laugh. “I don’t care about myself, keep yourself safe. That is all I ask of you. Keep yourself safe and well, and fight your hardest. Do your damned bit for your country, and come back into my arms. Where you belong.”

Wonwoo’s grip on your hands loosened, his arms moving to wrap themselves around you and pull you to his chest, your own arms squeezing his waist tightly as you muffled your sobs in the planes of his chest. He breathed in the scent of your hair, taking in the little things he’ll come to miss about you. Lips traced faintly on the crown of your head, long fingers threading through your hair and twining strands around them, rocking you both back and forth as he allowed you to finally break in his embrace.

“I will, I swear to you,” he said, moving you impossibly closer to his form. “I’ll stay safe for you, and I’ll come home. My heart is always with you, however. Wherever I go. It has always been yours. It’s yours,” he spoke these words more resolutely than anything he’s ever said in his life, and he repeated these words every day up until the day he stepped foot on the train with hundreds of other men, and still, these words left his lips as he stuck his head out the window, etched themselves into the letters he sent home with unique little gems he found in his time in France, swam in his thoughts every night he closed his eyes. And with this promise he feels secure, he feels warm, he feels-

determined to reach the shores of England again, where he knows you’ll wait for him as long as it takes, day and night, and the thought makes Wonwoo’s lips break into a miniscule smile.

“What’s that smile for?” Mingyu asks, leaning his fatigued body on Wonwoo’s equally exhausted body, sighing loudly and conveying thousands of soldiers’ current status in a single breath. Wonwoo simply shrugged, nails picking at the grime that gathered on his rifle as a way to distract him. “Looking forward to getting home?” Mingyu inquired, his muck covered face flashing a grin despite the circumstances. Wonwoo admires him for his high spirits, and reckons it helped him get through these past few weeks more than he’d like to admit.

“I think everyone is,” Wonwoo retorts, eyes roaming the lines of men gathered on the beach; some talked near the shore, some sat and were too weary to move their legs, some lay still and never moved again. He sighs sadly. He was fed up of being on this bloody beach.

“Well, we’re not out of the woods yet,” Vernon comments, having successfully wrapped his shoulder and now avoids the risk of infection. ‘Not out of the sands’ would be a more accurate saying for today, Wonwoo reflects, watching the cerulean of the sky blend in with the rolling waves of the ocean, the bright white colour of the hospital ship a stark contrast to the dull colours surrounding it, the red cross a beacon of hope for some. “Bombers keep picking us off there’ll be no one left to go home. Be worse if the French lines break and the Nazi’s surround us on the beach.”

Mingyu tuts in a scolding way, wrapping a burly arm around Wonwoo’s shoulders that has him lurching forward, his balance off kilter from the force. “Don’t think like that, Vernon. If you think like that, then we lose all hope. Home is so close, you can practically touch it. Hold faith, we will get through this. Isn’t that right, Wonwoo?” he asks.

Wonwoo doesn’t understand why Mingyu feels the need to include him every time he speaks, but nevertheless, his words ring true, and so he nods, Mingyu beaming at him in thanks.

Hold faith. Easier said than done, but Wonwoo knows he cannot lose now, not while you were so close. He will come home. He chants it like a prayer, his own personal chant that he repeats over and over until the words don’t even feel like they are real anymore.

He says them over and over, even when the bomber aircrafts hover once more over the shore and the mole with its awful, heart sinking sirens that has everyone scrambling for cover, says it when the ground shakes with explosions and his comrades meet their fate all around him while he pins his hands to his ears in a weak attempt to silence the devastation. It’s the only thing he is sure of, and clings to it so desperately it seems almost obsessive. But he made a promise. A promise he does not plan on breaking.

He will go home, back into your arms, back to his life.

Even if it kills him.

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avalon987 · 4 years

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One Hand

A story about an extraordinary woman in prehistoric times.

Jebel Irhoud

Morocco

Around 300000 BC

The air condensed the lights of the sun, when it circulated between the petals of the flowers. A melody of perfumes spread across the region.

The butterflies collected the nectar while the ladybirds explored the myriads of possibilities that the terrain offered them. Gradually, the colours faded in the sky letting the first constellations of stars shined in a beaming glow. It was at this precise moment that Hina was born. Her mother wept when she first saw her because of her congenital malformation; Hina had no right hand, and only four fingers on the left one.

In this harsh climate, a disabled girl from birth would struggle to survive. The temperature differences between day and night were so drastic that only the fittest were capable of handling these conditions.

Hina would need all her abilities to gather the fruits and help the community with the necessary labour required of her.

Jinna her mother told her father Omma that Hina was sick, and would probably die soon. Since the first months of her pregnancy, Jinna had not been in a very good health. She felt early on that something was wrong. The birth of her daughter confirmed her worst premonitions.

Jinna thought that Hina could be a burden, and she would probably be ostracized in the tribe.

Jinna felt so desperate by the situation that she decided to go to the nearby river with the intention of drowning her baby and telling afterwards that it was an accident.

But something in Hina sensed that her life was in danger, and she cried and screamed so vigorously that Jinna had remorse about what she initially wanted to do.

A feeling of compassion and love for her baby timidly emerged like a gentle spirit who was watching over her. From now on, she would protect her child the best she could. There was something special that she could not explain which emanated from Hina that had a fierce appetite to live.

Each step of growing up for Hina was a challenge.

It started by the other women in the tribe who complained that she was too slow, and she was not a real help for them.

Jinna always replied that she would work twice as hard to compensate what Hina could not contribute. Jinna was in constant fear for her. She always used to tell Hina to stay where she could see her.

In this network of caves tightly embedded in the hills, you had to be extra vigilant.

The life in the tribe was hard, you had to move often to avoid predators like snakes and leopards.

You also had to be very wary of the other tribes in the area who never missed an occasion to attack to either steal your food or to assert their predominance.

Two people in the tribe were always assigned to give the alert if something threatened the integrity of the clan. It was not rare that the tribe had to mourn the loss of three to five warriors per year.

Somehow, with discipline and repetition, Hina managed to develop a dexterity to pick up fruits.

But it had been an upheaval battle. Climbing between the branches was particularly tricky for her.

In the beginning, the other children use to mock and bully her because she was different.

Her only friend was her cousin Hine, he was kind and supportive.

He helped her to develop unique skills to gather what the tribe needed. After years of practice and determination, Hina became the best girl to collect fruits. Everybody was amazed by her achievement.

Jinna was more confident about the future of her unique child. Maybe she could make it after all.

One year a locust swarm devastated the region.

The tribe had less to rely on.

Hina decided against her mother orders to venture further that the group of women used to go without being seen.

When she was exploring the wilderness around the cave, she came face to face with a leopard.

The beast stared at her, but something told her to remain calm, and she had the presence of mind to grab a rock and to throw at the leopard’s head.

After that she ran to rejoin the cave. When she told her story, her mother was very angry because she disobeyed, but many people in the tribe thought that she made it up, and they laughed at her.

Hina was the source of constant jokes. They teased her every day.

Jinna was ashamed and told her to never tell this story again. Hina did not care that nobody believed her, she used that as confirmation that she was more courageous than most people. Leopard attacks were what people feared the most.

Hina continued to secretly explore the area near the caves. Jinna kept calling for her to know where she was. Hina always had an excuse ready to give her mother.

During her excursions, Hina learned about different aspects of the surroundings.

She was also very observant of was going on in the tribe. Even though it was unusual for a girl, she asked her father Omma how he fabricated spears, and how to select the best rocks to do it.

When she was around ten year old, she asked her cousin Hine to show her how to hunt preys.

“I can’t show you that, it’s only for the men, you know that.” said Hine.

But every time she could, from a distance, she liked to see how the hunters ran long distances to make their prey tired and finally exhausted before they killed them. During these hunts you had to be very careful to avoid the lions, they could launch a surprise attack at any time.

Recently, one man died like this.

Hina reached adolescence, it was time for her to marry. Her uncle Jime who was the tribal chief had to select the best suitor for her.

But unexpectedly, something strange happened before she could marry.

Without understanding why, people in the tribe started to fall ill. Maybe it was something in the food they ate. But one by one they felt weak.

The symptoms of the disease ranged from severe rashes, vomiting or other intestinal problems followed by enormous fatigue and the need to sleep long hours. The healer of the tribe used medicinal plants that he knew could alleviate the pain.

Both of Hina’s parents suffered from the disease but by miracle she did not get it. She was very worried for them. She accompanied the healer to collect the plants. He taught her the best to use. Because the healer was so busy, Hina became his assistant.

After a massive fever some people died of the disease. Most of the men were affected by the sickness.

What was unimaginable before became a reality. Because so few men could hunt, it had been decided that Hine would show Hina how to hunt in order to provide more food for the recovery of those who were not in the condition to attend their duties.

Hina was now one of the few able bodies capable of performing what was necessary to bring meat to the tribe.

But even diminished, many men protested against the idea of incorporating Hina in a hunt. They said that it would bring more bad luck, the gods were already angry against them.

Jime the chief stood firm, and he said to them that there was no choice if the tribe wanted to survive.

The first hunts, Hina was tentative. She did not master the right timing to throw the spears at the preys.

But Hine always encouraged her, and after many attempts she managed to kill a prey. She was totally elated.

Her mother’s health did not improve. Jinna passed away few weeks after she had the first symptoms. Hina and her father were totally heartbroken and inconsolable.

After three months, new calamities afflicted the tribe. It was the beginning of the most severe drought that they had known for years. The main sources of water diminished in size to become small pounds.

The tribe had to move to find a more a welcoming place. Jime decided to send Hina and Hine to prospect the area to find somewhere they could use to build a settlement around it.

It was an arduous mission because of the scarcity of food and water, but they were now the only two people who had the fortitude to do it.

Hina remembered that her mother always told her to follow her intuition, so they headed west.

They walked for days but could not find any large source of water.

During their search, they ran across two men from a rival tribe who tried to attack them and to rape Hina. Like possessed by the devil, Hine and Hina managed to severely injured the men, and they fled the fastest they could.

Two days after, a huge desert storm appeared.

Hina and Hine had to stay under a rock to wait that it passed. They kept walking to the west. After one more day of marching, they finally saw something they had never seen before, it was like an infinite river. They tasted the water, it was a strange sensation, they did not like it when they tried to drink it. They roamed around the shore.

They found a river and also a large lake.

Hina and Hine were so happy, this place was perfect to establish a new settlement. They admired the warmth of the colours on the horizon above the waves just before sunset.

Because Hine was an expert to follow animal tracks, he had an exceptional sense of orientation and a very good memory. They rested two days to regenerate. They started their journey back to the tribe.

After one week, against all odds, they reached their destination.

When they arrived and announced that they had found the best place to settle, it was an immense celebration.

The tribe started their long march to reach their new homeland.

They established a new community near the sea.

They learned how to collect the seashells and the difficult art of fishing.

Hina married a strong and courageous man.

She became a mother then a grandmother.

She had a long and happy life. She was the matriarch of the tribe. At night, around the fire, she told the story of her life to the children.

She always finished her stories by saying:” Follow your heart, it’s the best guide you will ever have.”

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odrseasonone · 5 years

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Lauren’s Plans for Kate!!

So I was reading through old odr asks and I unearthed some moments Lauren had in mind for Kate! It’s not much, but it can at least alleviate some of what we’ve been struggling w in terms of taking her on and at least guide us in the right directions, yknow? Also, some of these moments that are Kateric we can either use for that obv or, if she eventually moves on, we can transfer them to a potential future lover. We may or may not want to use any of them, but here’s a collection of things she said about future Kate things!!

Though tbh I’m sure Cedric thought she’d continue to think he was joking until the end of their days, I’m thinking it’s at some point during the rebellion, maybe after Kate has her scare with the guards burning down her bakery, that he says it to her to get her to calm down as she’s stressing/freaking out about what to do now that she can’t be of any use to the rebels/to the villagers who had looked after her. Cedric just starts saying “Kate, look at me. Kate… Kate!” and takes her face in his hands to make her look at him and gives her that brilliant smile and asks her to marry him for the millionth time. And she doesn’t know why, but for some reason, maybe something in his eyes, it’s the first time she believes he mans it. So she says yes. And I bet Cedric doesn’t believe her at first. Doesn’t think he heard her right. But Kate probably swallows and puts her hands over his and says yes again and then aLL THE SMOOCHES PROBS NGL.

i said in my tags, he’d say something like 'you’ll always have me, kate. no matter what happens, know that.’

and

laurenplayspeople wondered, CEDRIC COMING TO SAVE KATE AFTER ROWENA/HER SOLDIERS/WHOMEVER COMES AND BURNS DOWN HER COTTAGE/BAKERY/HOME/ETC BC THEY HEARD SHE WAS HELPING THE REBELLION. I CRY.

AND YOU KNOW THAT KATE IS PROBABLY HALF-SINGED HERSELF FROM TRYING TO SAVE ~TRINKETS THAT WERE MEMORIES OF HER PARENTS, PROBABLY HAD TO BE FORCIBLY DRAGGED BACK FROM THE FLAMES, TRYING TO SALVAGE WHATEVER SHE COULD BEFORE EVERYTHING WAS DESTROYED.

TBQH, IF CEDRIC TOOK HIS EYES OFF HER FOR TWO SECONDS SHE’D PROBABLY DASH BACK INSIDE.

i said: I CRY BC YOU KNOW HE’S HOLDING HER TIGHT, ONE HAND BEHIND HER HEAD TANGLING WITH HER CURLS, AND LOOKING DEEP INTO HER EYES AND GOING, “Look at me, Kate, Kate, look at me. There’s only one thing left worth risking EVERYTHING to save. You’re the only rememberance your parents ever treasured. You’re all that matters, now.”

lauren: I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING. THIS IS TERRIBLE. EVERYTHING HURTS. BC YOU KNOW SHE’D JUST HAVE THIS ~LOOK OF DEVASTATION ON HER FACE AS SHE LOOKS BACK UP AT CEDRIC, TEARS IN HER EYES, AND SAYS IN A VERY QUIET VOICE: “I am all that matters? How can you say such things? Without my bakery… how i will be able to make enough bread to feed everyone?? Your camp will have no bread to keep them sustained when supplies run low, there are children in the village who will starve without what little scraps I could give them. What will they do now if I cannot feed them?” BEFORE SHE JUST BREAKS DOWN AND LEANS INTO CEDRIC, SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY BECAUSE IT IS ALL GONE AND SHE CAN’T GET IT BACK.

lauren: I KNOW RIGHT?! I’m sitting here in bed crying a lil because it is sO CEDRIC AFTER PULLING KATE FROM THE FLAMES, I JUST. “Please, come with me.” i’m killing myself slowly here. Probably says it too, bc he knows that if he doesn’t, Kate’ll just stay here, sifting through the ashes of her entire life that’s been burnt to the ground, trying to find any little piece of her past that is left, most likely to later be set upon by whatever soldiers were lying in wait for her to do just that. And she’ll be so shell-shocked still, so weary from crying until she had nothing left to give that she’d just go with them. Probably become bait for the Rebellion. (bc lord in heaven above knows that Cedric would most likely come after her.) And honestly…. This would be the one time she would listen, though. The one time she would go with Cedric, because even though she doesn’t realize it, for whatever reason, she knows that being with Cedric always makes her feel safe and protected and cared for.uGH.

#ALSO IMAGINING THAT DESPITE KNOWING HOW IMPROPER IT WOULD LOOK/SEEM #KATE QUIETLY ASKING CEDRIC IF SHE COULD SLEEP NEXT TO HIM IN HIS TENT THAT FIRST NIGHT #JUST BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE ALONE AND WANTS THE COMFORT OF A WARM BODY NEARBY #BUT STILL TRIES VERY HARD TO KEEP HER CRYING V QUIET WHEN SHE CAN'T HELP HERSELF FROM THINKING ABOUT HOW SHE WILL BE LETTING DOWN SO MANY #*PEOPLE THAT DEPENDED ON HER FOR SUSTENANCE

me: NO BUT LAUREN HE ABSOLUTELY WOULD He lost his family and his home as well, and he knows what that’s like and how it impacts a person and he knows the one thing that brought him back was making the Resistance his family and he wants that for her, too. He would lay down his life in a second for her and he would absolutely come for her if she were taken, but he’d never willing allow her to fall into enemy hands, either. So he’d take her back and care for her and help her rebuild her life, however he can, bc she’s his life, too. EVERYTHING HURTS LAKSDJFKLJSAD

lauren: aUUUUUUUUGHHHH.BABIES.I JUST.Because I think something like that would be such a wake-up call for Kate, too? Like I think she’s going to be very much in the dark about her true feelings about Cedric until he’s dying and she has to rush to Dezod bc she’s at the end of her rope and cannot imagine a life without him.Especially if something like that happened where she no longer had her bakery or her home–having nothing by Cedric and the Rebellion and the camp they all share. Losing him would be like losing the one piece of her past and her life she had left, and Kate finally realizing that she couldn’t bear it for so many reasons, not the least of which is just how much she truly loves him, and i’M CRYING. NOTHING IS OKAY.But ugh, those hours right after when she lets him lead her away. Cedric probably has to half drag, half carry her through the woods because she’s still so shell-shocked she can barely move, all wide-eyed and barely-there breaths, fire still bright in her mind. And once they get back to the camp, I can see her just sticking very close to Cedric bc his presence is such a comfort. Perhaps even more so than Guin or Alaric, even despite them also being good friends of hers. AND STILL NOT OVER THE IDEA THAT SHE WOULD V TIMIDLY ASK IF SHE COULD SLEEP IN CEDRIC’S TENT WITH HIM LIKE: “I–I know it’s not very seemly, and I’m not certain Alaric would approve, but I…. oh, I just really don’t wish to be alone right now, Cedric, and I would be very grateful.” ALL WRINGING HER HANDS AND LOOKING AT THE GROUND, STILL SO KNOCKED OUT OF SYNC BY THE EVENTS OF THE DAY.AND HER TRYING SO HARD NOT TO CRY WHEN THE NIGHT COMES AND LEAVES HER SILENT WITH HER TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE THOUGHTS ABOUT HOW SHE CAN NO LONGER HELP THE CAUSE OR HER PEOPLE, FOR WHAT USE IS SHE IF SHE CANNOT FEED THE ONES SHE LOVES??? AND HER JUST LYING THERE, HANDS PRESSED TIGHTLY OVER HER MOUTH AS SHE TRIES TO STIFLE HER SOBS, BUT CAN’T HELP BUT TO PRESS HER FOREHEAD AGAINST CEDRIC’S BACK BECAUSE KNOWING HE IS THERE IS THE ONE SMALL THREAD STILL KEEPING HER TOGETHER.

and she said this (maybe she wears it after he dies or smth idk if this was in response to smth or just smth she wanted kate to have but 100% he wOULD <3

kaTE nO.

CEDRIC’S MOM’S RING.

FOR KATE.

AND HE CARRIES IT AROUND.

JUST WAITING.

I CAN’T HANDLE THIS WHILE I’M ALSO LISTENING TO A BUNCH OF INDIE-FOLKSY LOVE SONGS.

lauren: You always know what you’re doing” she said muzzily. “You’re important with your green eyes looking at me like I mean something. It’s okay that you have better things to do. It’s enough that I get you sometimes. Once in a while. I know I’m lucky for that, to get you just a little. —Denna, The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss

#JUST HAD TO SHARE THIS SLICE OF THE MOMENT I'M READING #BC IT FEELS LIKE SOMETHING KATE WOULD SAY TO CEDRIC #ONLY REALLY THO IF FOR SOME REASON SHE WAS DELIRIOUS OR DRUNK OR JUST NOT QUITE IN HER FULL MIND #BUT IT'S WHAT'S IN HER HEAD AND IT'S SAD AND BEAUTIFUL AND I JUST #DENNA AND KVOTHE REMIND ME SO MUCH OF THEM I CAN'T HANDLE IT

uGH.I can just see it so clearly too. Kate sick with the fever or dozily full of some fruit wine that one of the Rebellion snuck away from one of the nearby Lords. Curling up in a small pocket of warmth against Cedric’s side (something she does much more often than she’d ever admit–it’s comfortable and warm and feels like a place that was made for her, whether she’ll let herself think about why or not) and just mumbling half-mad under her breath that she understands. He doesn’t like her like that, he’s important and doing important things and has no time to think of her, but she’s content with having him sometimes. Sometimes is better than not at all. and just slowly falling asleep or shivering into that fitful sleep of the sick and mending, holding onto Cedric’s hand tightly–because after all, she has to hoard those sometimes whenever she can.

me: !!!!!! And you know he’s absolutely stunned & overwhelmed that she thinks this & tells her how important she is - how he couldn’t do any of it w/o her, none of them could - and AsdhncDBJKFFAC also laughing bc the local lord is Dmitrei

lauren: uGHHHHHHHHHH.And Kate just half-smiling in that droopy way of the half-asleep, squeezing his hand a little and nodding with eyes closed. Thanks him for saying these things to make her feel better. That it helps a little in the in-between times when she doesn’t get to have him, when he’s off being important and saving them all from reckless tyranny. But she knows what she is, who she is. She’s a simple Miller’s girl, grinding wheat and making bread. Just one lucky enough to get to brush greatness every once in a while.aND OMG HOW DID I FORGET. THAT’S BEAUTIFUL. (Just imagining the Rebellion randomly sneaking things away from Dmitrei is the best. His fACE.)

#I S2G MY OWN OTP FEELS HAVE JUST DEVOLVED INTO KATE HAVE ~SUPER SECRET SUBCONSCIOUS FEELS FOR CEDRIC #WHICH I MEAN I GUESS I KINDA HAD ALWAYS PLANNED ON??? #I JUST DIDN'T EXPECT IT TO BE ANYTHING SHE'D EVER VOICE EVEN IN A ROUNDABOUT WAY #BUT SHE KEEPS TALKING ABOUT IT WHEN DISTRACTED OR IN VERY SIDEWAYS MANNERS OR TO HERSELF IN HER HEAD #UGH #BABIES

and finally, [ this ] tho i don’t think we’ll use it hahaha

#kate #cedric #kateric #katheryne #character arcs

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