Deercember Day Thirty-One: Sangai | New Beginnings

The sangai (Panolia eldii eldii according to current genetic evidence, though Rucervus eldii eldii according to most scientific literature) is an endemic and endangered subspecies of Eld's deer found only in Manipur, India. It is also the state animal of Manipur. Its common English name is Manipur brow-antlered deer or Manipur Eld's deer, though it is also known as the dancing deer due to a particular behaviour: it is believed that the name sangai (sa "animal" and ngai "in awaiting") was coined from its peculiar posture and behaviour while running; by nature, the deer—particularly the males, even when running for its life—stops occasionally and looks back as if waiting for someone.

Its original natural habitat is the floating marshy grasslands of the Keibul Lamjao National Park, located in the southern parts of Loktak Lake, which is the largest freshwater lake in South Asia. The park covers an area of 40 km² (15.44 mi²) and the home range of the deer in the park is confined to 15 – 20 km² (5.79 - 7.72 mi²). Phumdi is the most important and unique part of the habitat; it is the floating mass of vegetation formed by the accumulation of organic debris and biomass with soil, with thickness varying from few centimeters to two meters. The humus of phumdi is black in colour and very porous and spongy. It floats with 80% of its mass submerged in an annual cycle of rising and falling on Loktak Lake, though this has been disrupted by a hydroelectric dam resulting in the deterioration of the phumdi.

The sangai was believed to be almost extinct by 1950. However, in 1953, six heads of the sangai were found in its natural habitat. Since then, the Manipur state government has taken serious and positive measures toward its protection. The number of sangai listed in the Red Data Book was only 14 in 1975. Despite this, its number has since increased to 204 in 2013, and to 260 in March of 2016. The genetic bottle-necking of this near-extinction event may yet have catastrophic effects on the subspecies, with concerning evidence being found in instances such as albinism despite the small population size.

Culturally, the sangai finds itself embedded deep into the legends and folklore of the Manipuri people. Based on a popular folk legend, the sangai is interpreted as the binding soul between humans and nature. The slaying of the sangai, an unpardonable sin, is conceived as the forceful separation of the harmonious relationship between humans and nature. When humans love and respect the sangai, it is respecting nature. In the sangai, therefore, humans find a way of expressing their love for nature. More information here.

References: Deer*, Background.

* If you recognize the source for the sangai photograph, please let me know. I have several saved, this one from October of 2021, and can no longer find a source.

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

This is a brand new science for me, and I love it. The language of luck. 'Cause what is a coincidence but a form of accident? Two things bumping together unexpectedly. Like you and me.

I would just like to say how hard it hits me in the chest to see Charlie masking every time she's onscreen the day before the fight (including what we see on Vox's spy screens of course), except when no one is with her but Vaggie. Even during her emotional speech she tries so damn hard to keep that confidence up and smile on. But we do see her stop masking twice, when the only person watching her is Vaggie.

First:

No one's really paying attention to her, and she's not smiling; she's worried. When Vaggie approaches her, she doesn't put on a happy face. She talks about her mom with the same smile as in the first episode (during a very emotionally vulnerable moment with Vaggie, might I add). It's not happy or confident. It's nostalgic, wistful, and sad, because her mom's absence is something very personal and painful for her. When Vaggie asks if they're ready, Charlie doesn't instantly start to smile or answer with confidence even though she usually would (even within that short beat of time), because her mask is off. She's not confident or optimistic. She's scared. She's not ready.

Then Pentious comes out and she's all smiles again! The mask comes back on when someone other than Vaggie is there.

Second:

Of course, one of our favorite scenes. Charlie's alone when she breaks down, but when Vaggie shows up, she keeps the mask off. She admits how scared she is. When she does smile, it's not the big smile she's been throwing on throughout the day, and it's not strained either. It's soft, gentle, and real. She's not masking. Vaggie is genuinely making her feel better when she's finally letting herself fall apart, just by being there and reminding her that no matter what happens, she's already accomplished so much, and she's so loved.

Charlie is under a lot of stress and pressure. She's scared. She's not as optimistic as she's making herself out to be. She's giving everything she's got out there being a strong, confident, inspirational leader and friend in front of everyone, and it's only with Vaggie that she lets it go. She doesn't have to try to be strong. She doesn't pretend. She lets down her guard, because for her, Vaggie is that one infinitely special person who gets to see every part of her; the one person she can always be her honest self with.

There were plenty of times in other episodes when Charlie didn't mask her negative emotions around people, but that was when she didn't have anyone looking to her as a leader. She's running on adrenaline and the weight of people's expectations as Extermination Day gets closer, and she can't let the mask she's put on slip in public. She has to seem like she's totally ready for what's coming. But Vaggie is different.

The amount of trust and love Charlie has for her is staggering. She's under an insane amount of stress and pressure, and having Vaggie by her side is probably the only thing keeping her from completely falling to pieces. Seeing a relationship so full of deep trust and love is absolutely beautiful. <3

self affirmations

he did in fact not come back

The idea that uni protesters are "elitist ivy-league rich kids larping as revolutionaries" on Twitter and Reddit and even here is so fucking funny to me if you actually know anything about the student bodies at these unis. Take it from someone who's going to one of the biggest private unis in the US, 80% of the peers I know are either from the suburbs or an apartment somewhere in America, children of immigrants, or here on a student visa. I've heard about one-percenter students, but I've never met one in person. Like, don't get me wrong, the institution as a whole is still very privileged and white. I've talked with friends and classmates about feeling weird or dissonant being here and coming from such a different background. But in my art program, I see BIPOC, disabled, queer, lower-income students and faculty trying to deconstruct and tear that down and make space every day. So to take a cursory glance at a crowd of student protesters in coalitions that are led by BIPOC & 1st/2nd-gen immigrant students and HQ'd in ethnic housings and student organizations and say, "ah. children of the elite." Get real.

It’s my Stargate and I’ll make it pink if I want to

feels like youre running out of holy places

took one look at this scene and immediately started drawing </3 anyways episode 7 :(

Spirits & Such family company photoshoot

One of the things that most stuck with me is Bunny's nails having dirt under them when they find his body. Not only because the image of him desperately trying to claw at anything he could find not to fall down is very raw – but also because it means it really wasn't as immediate as I thought at first. It was fast but he absolutely did have enough time to think 'he's pushed me down I'm falling I'm going to die'. He didn't die painlessly on the spot but rolled all the way down the ravine bumping into rocks, bushes and everything else fully aware of what was happening and doing everything he could to stop it, and then eventually hit the ground.

Happy international taxi driver day, Jake!!

Stay weird, stay wild, keep driving us crazy with your charisma! We all love u🤍

Riveder le stelle.

Inspired by Divine Comedy, Inferno, Canto XXXIV, line 139.

actual real life footage of the surprised condition

jaskier really created a whole mythos surrounding geralt of rivia, white wolf, hero of the people, for the continent to adore and get invested in and then fucking wrote and performed her sweet kiss with the lines "I am weak my love and I am wanting. if this is the path I must trudge, I'll welcome my sentence, give to you my penance, garroter, jury, and judge" and then had to like. live with the fact that he admitted he's in love with the subject of his songs. every tavern he plays at the whole crowd is just side-eyeing geralt in the back like. um. hello. and he grunts and stomps up to their room. and then burn butcher burn comes out and the whole continent is like whoooaaa shit there's drama!!! jaskier is literally out here taylor swift narrating his whole relationship and geralt just has to trudge into town like. does anyone need a swamp monster killed? and the mayor or w/e goes hey aren't you the guy from the song, you really pissed that bard off what did you do leave him at the aisle or something. and geralt just has to be like. nope, must be a different witcher he's talking about. anyway swamp monster?