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absurdthirst · 7 months

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Kinktober 2023: October 1st

Day 1: Sex Toys/Strap-on, Mutual Masturbation, Muscle

Joel Miller x F!Reader

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: Masturbation, filthy language, cum, cum eating

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Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

Sex at the end of the world is a precarious thing. Rubbers aren’t worth even trying, they are nearly twenty years old and there is no way he would trust one not to break. The factories down in Atlanta aren’t making birth control, they make hydrocodone. Even though he’s fifty-six years old, his swimmers still work. He could still knock you up, and that’s the last fucking thing he wants to do.

“Joel.” You whimper and bite your lip as your need for some friction is making you roll your hips down, trying to grind against the threadbare panties you are wearing, soaked through. “Please, fuck, I need you.” You beg.

He wants to. Fuck, he wants to rip of those panties and bury his cock deep in the no doubt perfect pussy you possess. To thrust deep and keep rocking until nothing but the pleasure of your moans and the aching anticipation of his own release all that matters. But he can’t. He won’t. He won’t plant a baby in your belly to fail you, to disappoint you.

Joel closes his eyes, his own hand drifting down to palm his hard cock through his jeans, grunting at the pressure and he knows he is close to giving in. It’s been nearly two months since the thing between you has been building to the point where he would have taken you to bed. If this had been before the Outbreak, he would have fucked you by the second week. Now? He can’t risk it. Not when the two of you are in the middle of nowhere and having a kid out here is a death sentence.

“Baby, we can’t.” He grumbles, seriously giving thought to trying to pull out, but he knows he would be too slow to do it. Unwilling to leave the hot velvet clutch once he’s buried deep. Fuck, he needs to find one of those doctors who are making the tea blends.

“Joel.” “I said no.” He’s sharper than he means to be. HIs words are harsh and his frown even harsher as he resists the urge to bury himself inside you until he forgets to breathe. He can’t do that. He can’t risk what could happen.

Your frown makes him feel guilty, the way your body stops moving, feeling chastised for wanting him. The rejection starts to bloom in your eyes, making him feel even worse than before.

“Touch yourself.” He orders, his jaw tight and his own thumb pushes at the button of the old Levi’s he’s wearing. “Show me what you do when you think I’m asleep.”

Embarrassment blooms on your face, eyes dropping down to the ground and he grunts when the zipper gives him relief as it’s dragged down. “Joel-”

“I bet you have the prettiest little clit.” He shifts, grunting as he wiggles on the ground, thankful for the ragged bedroll underneath the two of you. Your own pack had to be left behind so now you are sharing. Another tempting lure.

His cock springs free when he takes his briefs down too. Making you moan as you get a glimpse of him for the first time. Curling up towards his belly and rock hard, Joel spits in his hand and wraps it around his length. “I can’t fuck you right now, but I can watch you make yourself cum.” He groans, twitching and already starting to slowly stroke himself as he watches you. Waiting for you to move. “You can watch me cum.”

The way you bite your lip makes him want to take your lip between his own pearly white teeth and bite. Toying with the plump flesh and seeing what kind of sound he could pull out of you. But he won’t, because if he kisses you, he won’t just stop at that. Letting out a sigh when you nod and start to peel your panties down, exposing the glorious view of your cunt.

Wet, you’re so fucking wet that he can see the creamy slick, making him grunt and twitch again. Squeezing himself harder as he throbs for you. Your hair isn’t overly grown, telling him that when you get the chance, you trim it up. “Fuck, look at that pretty cunt of yours. All nice and wet for me.” Joel groans. “Bet you are tighter than a glove.”

Your whimper is like music to his ears and he watches as you start to slide your fingers through your folds to wet them. Brushing against your clit as your eyes close and then wrench back open so you can watch him as he fucks his hand. “Joel…”

“That’s it, pretty girl.” He rasps out. “Tell me how you like to cum. Show me what you like to do, pretendin’ it’s me.” He can’t touch you, but he can make this good for you. You’ve already told him once how much you love his gravelly voice. “Fuck.”

You’re even wetter than he imagined once your folds are peeled back and exposing the little nub that he would love to suck on. That fluttering little hole he desperately wants to plunge into and stretch around his thick cock. Feeling you squeezing him as you whimper and moan his name, writhing on his lap like you can’t get enough of him. “Look at you, pretty girl. All nice and wet for my cock. Slide your fingers into your tight little hole for me.”

The fact that you so willingly obey him makes this even sexier. His hand pumping his cock, the slick sounds of it mixing with the sucking sounds your cunt is making as you plunge your fingers in and out of your needy little hole. Matching his rhythm as your breath starts to become more and more ragged.

“Fuck.” Joel hisses, letting go of his cock and spitting into his hand again to give himself more lube. “Thought about you a lot. How pretty you would sound. How good you will feel.” He doesn’t want you to think he doesn’t want you, he does. Christ, does he. “Fucked my fist and came on the ground when I was keepin’ watch so many nights.”

Your eyes are glazed over with lust and you moan so softly as your other hand massages your tits. Legs starting to tense and shift as you find the perfect angle for your fingers.

“That’s it, girl.” Joel grunts. “Make those toes curl. Wanna see those pretty tits bounce as your body shakes for me.”

Your gasp is just fuel for his own desires, absorbing it and grunting in response as his hand starts to grip his cock a little tighter. The movement of his hand aided by his rocking of his hip. He doesn’t know where to look. Your tits, your eyes, that pretty cunt. All of it a feast and Joel is gorging himself as he imagines fucking you.

“Baby.” Your body is tense and he knows you are on the edge of cumming.

“That’s it, pretty girl.” He croons, smirking at you with lust darkened eyes. “Go ahead and cum. It’s okay.”

When you follow his order, when your soft cry rings out into the night, Joel hisses under his breath, taken by the sight of your face scrunched up in pleasure. Feeling his own body tense, the ache in his balls becoming sharper as they pull up against his body.

The short, hard jerks on his cock stop, rolling his hips up as the first spurt of cum shoots out. Thick white ropes of cum spilling out over his hand and onto the ground between you as he groans out your name. Eyes fixed on yours as he slowly strokes himself through his orgasm as you come down from yours.

Joel pants, letting go of his cock as he watches you pull your fingers out of your cunt, covered in your juices and he reaches out to take your hand. “Not gonna let that go to waste, pretty girl.” He grunts, pulling your hand towards his mouth so he can lick off every drop of your sweet nectar. Groaning as he cleans your fingers and watches you.

“Joel.” Your body aches with the need to touch him, reaching down to touch his cock but he shakes his head, denying you.

When he lets go, he rolls over for a second to grab a rag to clean up his cum. Grimacing slightly at the mess and then tossing it into the fire. “We should get some sleep.” He tells you before you can even speak. “Need to get the fuck to Jackson.”

“Oh…” You sigh softly, knowing that this will probably be the last night this ever happens. You can see those walls going back up as he slides his jeans and underwear back up.

“I’ve got to find some kind of fucking birthcontrol.” Joel groans. “I don’t mind watching you masturbate, but I’m gonna fuck you, pretty girl.”

“Oh.”

Suddenly, getting to Jackson becomes your top priority.

#pedro pascal #kinktober #kinktober 2023 #absurdthirst kinktober #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #joel miller fic #joel tlou #joel the last of us

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silent-stories · 8 months

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Never have I ever...been in love

(Eddie Munson x F!reader)

You dangled your legs off the roof of Eddie's trailer as the sun slowly sank on the horizon, painting the sky different shades of pink and orange.

The boy sitting next to you brought the cigarette he was holding between his fingers to his mouth and blew out a cloud of smoke from his nose, which the cool but not excessively cold breeze of that evening immediately blew away.

The shirt he'd refused to put on after the shower he'd taken before going up there lay beside him, even though you'd insisted that if he didn't put on clothes he'd catch a cold, and his bare chest rose and fell as he let smoke in and out of his mouth.

"Never have I ever…hurt myself trying to be funny." You said.

You always found it fun to play that game with Eddie, every time you discovered new things about each other even though it's been several years since you've been playing it. You knew the original version probably involved alcohol but the point of hanging out with Eddie wasn't to get drunk.

The rule was to always tell the truth, as if you were using one of those lie detectors they only used on criminals you saw on TV but sometimes you found yourself wondering if Eddie had ever told you a lie during that game that maybe you had become too old for playing.

Eddie chuckled. "I bet you already know the answer."

The light from the day's last rays of sunlight reflected off his brown eyes, making them appear to be a hundred different shades of gold.

"Oh I know, but I want to hear it from you." You laughed, thinking about what had happened that morning several years ago when you were both little more than children.

"That tree was obviously unstable, it wasn't my fault!"

"That tree was unstable but you tried to climb it anyway."

"Tried? I did it!"

"Yeah and then you fell. And you broke your wrist."

"Yeah but you took good care of by me afterwards. That's when I knew I wanted to keep you."

"Wait, you wanted to keep me? I wanted to keep you so you didn't end up in other similar situations and risk your life every two days."

Eddie laughed as he stubbed out his cigarette butt on the roof of the trailer before crossing one leg under the other, the tear at the knee of the faded old jeans he'd been wearing widening slightly as he did so.

"It's your turn." You said.

"I don't know...I feel like I already know everything about you."

"Then ask me something you don't know."

He didn't say anything, as if he was carefully choosing his next question and after a few moments of silence you wondered if he had decided that the game wasn't worth playing anymore.

The birds had stopped chirping and the trailer park kids who usually played outside had gone back to their homes.

"Never have I ever...been in love."

Your head spontaneously turned to him but he was staring straight ahead, where the sun was now almost completely gone. His hair still damp from the shower clung to his neck and forehead and there hadn't been a moment since he'd stepped out of the bathroom that you hadn't repressed the urge to reach over to brush the dripping strands from his forehead.

He was pretty, and there was never a moment in your life when you didn't think it.

And you absolutely were in love, probably not from the first moment you saw him because you were too young to know what love even was.

Now you knew.

But he was your best friend.

"No" You lied, "no, I don't think so."

Eddie didn't answer, continuing to stare at an indefinite point in front of him. No funny or sarcastic comments, no jokes.

"Eddie?"

"It's your turn." He didn't turn to you.

"Never have I ever..." you thought about it for a moment, you had nothing to lose, right? "been in love."

"It's not fair. That's what I asked." He chuckled under his breath.

"I don't think there's a rule against asking the same question." You shrugged.

Eddie rolled his eyes, then stayed silent for a few moments, as if thinking about it.

"Yeah." He ran a hand through his damp curls, "still am."

You have felt a strange sensation in the pit of your stomach and in your belly. I was a weird mix of fear and hope that you couldn't quite identify.

"Do they know?" You just wanted Eddie to be happy, you didn't care if he would break your heart.

"Nah."

"Why?"

Eddie snorted. "Because she doesn't like me that way."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because she's never even been in love."

Eddie turned to you, finding your surprised expression.

"Yeah." He chuckled, his laughter was colder and less genuine than usual, "Hella embarrassing isn't it? I've been waiting for days if not months for the right moment to ask that stupid question during this game and when I finally work up the courage, she tells me she's never been in love. I almost wish you'd told me you were head over heels for that basketball player who always sits next to you at every history lesson. Someone who deserves you. But like this? You make things even more hard because every time I'm around you I can't help but think about what it would be like-"

It was a way to stop his rambling, it was a way to tell him he was wrong, it was a way to tell him you had lied for the first time during the game.

Your lips were on his and your hand was finally in his still damp hair. It was short, a few seconds and it was already as if it had never been there.

"I thought... you said..." Eddie stammered, surprised. On his lips the ghost of a smile.

"I lied. I'm sorry, I fucking lied. It's you. It's always been you."

#this is a bit too long to be a drabble but i didnt like it enough to make a header and tag people #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fluff

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antimatterz · 11 months

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making them a flower crown

dan heng, gepard, seele, bronya, welt, blade x gn!reader

how they react when you make them a flower crown! pure fluff and maybe some humor, no further warnings apply.

content under the cut | masterlist

dan heng

dan heng already has his suspicions when he sees you tying the small daisies together into a string. he knows you; you're definitely going to persuade him to put it on top of his head. and indeed, he's going to say yes because he can't say no to you. he even lowers his head for you when you want to put it on his head, only to look up awkwardly afterward. but when you literally coo at the sight, he's loosen up a little, though he keeps his stoic face. "aww, you're so cute!" you tell him, and to that he would slightly blush (which he tries but fails to hide). he looks super adorable with a crown of tiny white flowers atop his head so you're probably going to make one for him more often hehe.

gepard landau

at first he does not want that thing on his head. as much as he adores your enthusiasm, he just doesn't want to ɓe seen by his subordinates with a flower crown. what if they would laugh at him, and never take him seriously ever again? but worry not, when you show it to him with a big smile, you somehow manage to convince him to put it on. made freshly out of the first flowers that bloomed after the eternal freeze, you present him a crown of the prettiest flowers and he just can't say no anymore. to see such a tough captain with a tiny little flower crown is endearing, especially when he blushes furiously. sadly you can't convince him to let you take a picture, as he rapidly takes it off and puts it on your head instead.

seele

flowers quickly wither away in the underworld, if they even grow at all. so when she's in the overworld with you, she's greatly impressed by the beauty of them. that's why you decide to make her a flower crown out of the prettiest ones you manage to find. as you gather the flowers, she simply thinks you're making her a small bouquet, so she gets a little confused when you tie the strings together. but as you show her the completed flower crown and reach out to put it atop her head, she'll flash you an uncharacteristically wide smile. she'll happily let you put it on her head and even strikes a pose when you ask her if it's okay to take a picture of her. she doesn't take it off as you continue to walk around!

bronya rand

it is a rare occasion for lady bronya to have a free moment to spare, and she chooses to spend a lot of free time with you. as the eternal freeze is over, the private gardens behind fort qlipoth bloom again. the two of you are often here, hidden away from the public's prying eye. at some point the flowers inspire you, and you skillfully tie them together into a small and colorful crown. bronya's toughness is basically an act, and the proof is when she lowers her head with a smile, allowing you to place to flower crown on her head. she looks really adorable with it, and willingly grabs her phone to take a picture of herself because she finds the crown super pretty. much like seele, she doesn't take it off, but proudly wears it.

welt yang

don't tell pom-pom, but you actually made the flower crown from flowers you picked from a vase in the astral express. it turned out pretty, though, so it's worth the risk! you surprise welt with it when he returns to the train, holding it in front of him with a wide smile. albeit a bit awkwardly, he lets you put it on his head. he tries to keep his calm and collected attitude but can't help the soft smile that spreads across his face as you smile widely at him. he's a little flustered when you coo over him but you can't help it! it's not often that you get to see welt like this, so you gotta enjoy it. sadly he only keeps it on his head briefly, because he doesn't want anyone else to see it.

blade

here's the thing. blade might be the bad guy of the story so far, but as soon as he's around you, he totally drops the bad guy act and becomes an absolute softie. that's why it's not so hard to convince him to wear the flower crown you made for him. just imagine blade with a string of tiny colorful flowers on his head, you can't help but pinch his cheeks and bust an uwu. you're well aware of his occupation, but his actions are temporarily forgiven and forgotten as he looks so cute. also he doesn't give a sh*t about what others think, and is totally unbothered as he walks around with the tiara of flowers on his head – and he will swiftly ignore kafka's teasing. he does it for you, because you seem to like it.

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jukey · 1 year

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Hello

Thank you so much for your great writing! If your requests are open, can I request headcanons about Isagi, Chigiri, Rin and Karasu? About how they'd act if they have a crush on reader and how they'd confess?

Have an amazing day! Thank you!

Blue Lock X Reader Headcanons

Isagi x Reader Headcanons

When Isagi develops a crush on you, he can be quite awkward when around you. He might stutter or blurt out silly things without meaning to.

Isagi is someone who likes to show his affection through actions rather than words. So, if he has a crush on you, he might try to do things to make you happy, like bringing you your favorite snacks or helping you with a project.

Isagi is a bit of a perfectionist, so he might get nervous about confessing. He'll want to make sure everything is just right and might spend a lot of time practicing what he wants to say.

When Isagi finally does confess, he'll probably be straightforward about it. He'll tell you how he feels in a clear and honest way, without any sugarcoating.

Isagi is a hard worker and very dedicated to his passions, so he might try to impress you by showing off his skills in sports or other areas. He'll want to prove that he's someone worth being with.

Isagi is a kind and supportive person, so he'll always be there for you when you need it. He'll listen to you when you need to talk and offer advice or encouragement when you're feeling down.

Chigiri x Reader Headcanons

Chigiri is a relatively reserved and serious person, but when he develops a crush, he becomes more attentive and observant of you. He'll start to notice your habits, preferences, and even your quirks.

If he's around you, Chigiri will make an effort to be near you, even if it means adjusting his schedule or routine. He'll find subtle ways to interact with you, such as offering to help with tasks or striking up a conversation about something you have in common.

When it comes to confessing his feelings, Chigiri would likely be straightforward and honest. He would not beat around the bush or play games, but instead would directly express his emotions in a sincere and respectful manner.

However, Chigiri may also be hesitant to confess his feelings if he's not sure how you feel about him. He values his relationships with others and doesn't want to risk damaging them by making things awkward or uncomfortable.

Chigiri is also a bit of a perfectionist and has high standards for himself and others. As a result, he may put pressure on himself to make sure everything is just right before confessing. He might spend time rehearsing what he wants to say, choosing the perfect moment and setting, and making sure he's dressed impeccably.

Ultimately, Chigiri is a caring and thoughtful person who would make a dedicated and loyal partner. He would be willing to listen, compromise, and work through any challenges that come up in a relationship, as long as there's mutual respect and understanding.

Rin x Reader Headcanons

Rin would be very subtle with his crush, as he's not the type to wear his heart on his sleeve. He would probably start by trying to spend more time with you, maybe offering to help you with something or inviting you to hang out.

Rin is a bit of a tsundere, so he might come across as a bit cold or aloof at first, even if he's secretly harboring his feelings for you. He might tease you or make sarcastic comments, but it would all be in good fun.

Rin is really good at keeping his feelings to himself, so he might not show any obvious signs that he has a crush on you. He'll just act normal around you, but maybe a little bit more attentive and interested in what you have to say.

Rin already thought for quite some time how he'd want to confess to you. He was thinking about writing you a letter or planning a romantic date, like a picnic in the park or a candlelit dinner.

When Rin finally does confess, he would probably do it in a very understated way. He might just come out and say it, or he might hint at it and wait for you to pick up on his feelings. Either way, he would be sincere and honest about his feelings.

If you reciprocate his feelings, Rin would be over the moon. He might not show it on the outside, but he would be very happy and grateful to have found someone who understands him.

If you don't feel the same way, Rin would be disappointed but he wouldn't hold it against you. He would probably just try to move on and distract himself with soccer.

Karasu x Reader Headcanons

Karasu is a playful and mischievous guy, so if he likes you, he'd probably try to show it in a fun and creative way. He might leave a little gift or a funny note for you, or plan a cool date to show how much he cares.

When he has a crush, Karasu would be playful and charming around you. He'd tease you in a friendly way and try to make you laugh, but he wouldn't be too aggressive or pushy. He'd want to build a connection with you first before making any big moves.

If Karasu wanted to confess his feelings, he'd probably try to make it a fun and memorable experience. He might plan a surprise or come up with a creative way to tell you, rather than just blurting it out.

In a relationship, Karasu would be attentive to your needs and wants, but he'd do it in a playful and fun way. He'd want to make sure you're happy and comfortable, and he'd do whatever he can to make that happen.

Overall, Karasu would be a super sweet and thoughtful boyfriend, but he'd also be playful and fun-loving. He'd want to make the relationship enjoyable for both him and you, and he wouldn't take things too seriously.

THANKS FOR REQUESTING ANON!! PRECIATE IT CUH💪💯🦅🏈🤝

requests are open bbg

this might be rushed because im writing this at night i just realised i have shcool tmr gnnnnnn

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dqzaiie · 5 months

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i’m still undecided in which agency member i believe will be transferred to the port mafia, but i would like to expand on the possibility of it being dazai, because concerns seem to be growing by the hour.

firstly, i would like to draw attention to these official arts, as i find it very curious that dazai is wearing his port mafia bandages in conjunction with his agency attire.

this isn’t an isolated instance, it seems, so i’m wondering what the reasoning for this is, if not to allude to future events. (apart from referencing his past in the port mafia, but i'm trying to see this from the other perspective.) it feels very intentional on harukawa's part.

there is also the case of potential foreshadowing in the osamu dazai and the dark era light novel.

“…dazai’s capabilities are astounding. i’m sure in four or five years, he’ll have killed me and taken my place.”

these are words spoken by mori to odasaku while he is recruiting him to locate ango, taking place when dazai was eighteen. if this were to be a correct prediction, then it would place him at around twenty-two or twenty-three at time he gained the status of leader.

if provided the opportunity, surely mori would retrieve such a valuable asset?

many dispute this due to mori forcing dazai out of the mafia, but the reasoning for that makes quite a bit of sense when you take into consideration mori’s values.

mori believes that, as leader of an organization, you must devote your very being to maintain stability.

“mori ougai’s belief as the boss is…“the boss stands on top of the organization, and at the same time, be the slave of all.” for the sake of the organization, the boss must always take the “logical optimal solution.” that is the duty of the boss. there is an unspoken additional point to it. therefore, no matter how much your heart aches, you have to ignore your personal feelings.”

asagiri for the bsd exhibition

despite being his protégé, it doesn’t seem that mori felt dazai to be the perfect fit for leader during his time in the port mafia. this is due to dazai being overly emotional.

mori was able to suppress his emotions, whereas dazai let his emotional responses dictate his actions. this is exemplified by him changing course in life after odasaku’s death, done so in the name of keeping a promise to his closest friend.

while mori certainly regrets losing his subordinate, he is able to set aside his own reservations toward the loss, the outcome of which results in him gaining a gifted business permit. this is the “optimal solution” he sought after. dazai, however, could never justify sacrificing oda for the sake of a permit, hence the feelings of betrayal he’s fostered towards mori in the years since. while he understands why mori did what he did, he cannot disregard his own emotional connection to odasaku.

in the present day, however, dazai seems to have developed this ability—to remove the emotional aspects from a situation, and choose the most logical course of action. this is seen throughout the most recent arcs. for example, possibly sacrificing himself in meursault, directing akutagawa to save atsushi at the risk of his own life, etc. weighing the risks and the rewards, and choosing the most viable option.

(even if mori doesn’t choose dazai, there's the possibility that dazai just might volunteer himself for the sake of his coworkers. his self-sacrificial tendencies have been quite prevalent as of late.)

while dazai wouldn’t have been a preferable candidate in the past, he has matured since, and mori has realized this, with him keeping dazai’s executive seat open in the event he wishes to return. actually, i think this was quite intentional on mori’s part—similarly to how dazai manages shin soukoku, mori likely forced this for dazai’s own development.

another detail worth noting is the way in which dazai’s eyes have been drawn in the more recent chapters. as we know, harukawa depicts a character’s progression and alignment through their eyes.

in the recent chapters, dazai has been portrayed with an obscured eye multiple times. this is indicative of his port mafia “demon prodigy” persona being utilized during the chess match against fyodor.

there is also the concern of dazai’s crimes being made public. as it stands, while the agency is sure to be absolved of all charges, dazai’s crimes are separate, which isn’t particularly an easy fix.

ango has done it in the past through the use of mushitaro’s ability, sure, but seeing as dazai has literally staged a prison break from supposedly the world’s most secure ability user detention facility, i’m not too certain that this would be an effective method of clearing his criminal record.

this doesn’t cover all of it, either. there is quite a bit of foreshadowing within the anime to support this theory, but i have reached the photo limit on this post, so i will leave that for others to cover.

if you’ve made it this far, i applaud you. thank you for reading!!!

#dazai osamu #osamu dazai #ougai mori #bsd #bungou stray dogs #dazai #bsd theory #armed detective agency #fyodor dostoevsky #oda sakunosuke #akutagawa ryuunosuke #atsushi nakajima #theory #analysis #character analysis #bsd analysis #please note that i don’t actually think it’ll be dazai who is transferred #i just figured it would be fun to expand on the theories that have been going around #also i've seen a few well-intentioned people receiving hate for having this opinion...so i wanted to show that their beliefs aren't baseles

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missmarthanightingale · 6 months

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i want to tell you guys a story from my life, about something that really happened in my family, & then i want to talk about that story in relation to what happened between ray & sand in ep10. let me be very clear -- this post is not intended to scold people for disliking ray. part of the reason i waited so long to write this was so i could have confidence that i was being fair & not letting my affection for the character colour what i wanted to say. i would really appreciate it if people who feel negatively about ray in particular took the time to read this & take it into consideration, as a sincere appeal from someone who has alcoholics in her family to really consider some of the ways i've seen this fandom talking about ray's addiction.

so. the story. some half-dozen years ago my uncle was trying to get sober. his marriage was on its last legs & no one wanted his kids to be living with their father while he was going through withdrawal if that could be avoided, so he came to stay with us for a while. my mum did her homework, understood enough to know that he shouldn't have easy access to alcohol in that time, & so we moved all of the alcohol we had to hand into a locked room in the cellar & gave the key to a neighbour for the duration of his stay. it went okay for a little while, & then my uncle had a fight with his wife over the phone, or something to that effect. in one night, he drank three half-bottles of prosecco which we'd forgotten we had stored in the garage.

we didn't even know that alcohol was there. we'd totally forgotten about it. but because we missed it, what should have been a bad night turned into a relapse. keeping alcohol in close proximity to a recovering alcoholic, especially in the early days of sobriety, makes it so, so easy for them to backslide. partly because constantly knowing it's there can wear on them, sure, but mostly because no matter how strong anyone's commitment, there will always be moments when they falter, & the easier it is made for them to relapse in those moments, the likelier it is that they will. & maybe not everyone in this situation would relapse, but you cannot know whether a person will or won't until it happens. most of it's up to factors far beyond your control. it is not worth taking that risk with someone you love.

so trust that i am speaking from bitter experience when i say that sand's home-brewing was always, always going to be a problem. they put it in the opening credits, for god's sake. i was absolutely certain from ep2, when we first found out about the plum wine, that whether ray ultimately tried to get sober or not, the easy access to alcohol that a relationship with sand granted him was destined to be point of conflict between them. sand was always going to have to confront the tension between his relationship with an alcoholic & his main (?) source of income being home-brewed alcohol, & he was always going to have to choose between them. & it is not fair to sand that he has to make that choice, i know. it's fine if you think that he made the wrong choice, or that he shouldn't have had to make that choice at all, but it was inevitable that he would have to, fair or not. because if you have an alcoholic in your life, you are most likely going to have to change your behaviours around them, in big ways & small, for their benefit. this is just how it goes.

i was astonished that there were people who seemed caught off-guard by this fight -- the only thing that surprised me was that it happened before ray was really taking rehab seriously, because i fully expected that this fight would happen after a relapse, likely one involving the plum wine, a couple months into sobriety. there was no version of this show that could both be honest about ray's alcoholism & fail to highlight this conflict at some point. they gave sand this source of income specifically so that sand & ray would have this problem down the line. it was so obvious to me that this was coming, i just took it as a given that everyone else saw it too. & again, this post is not intended to judge anyone for how they have interacted with this show or with this character, that's not what i'm here to do. but i do want to address an element of the way that i have seen some people talk about ray & his addiction.

it is fine if you don't like this character. i am not going to scold you for being understandably mad about the way that he has treated the people around him. but it is very frustrating, & sometimes downright upsetting, to occasionally see people speaking with great confidence on alcoholism despite saying things which i know from lived experience to be inaccurate, or worse, unfair. i am not here to judge you, but i am going to ask you extend a certain amount of grace to this character, & more importantly to all the people who see themselves or their loved ones in him. if you're going to talk about alcoholism, or the aspects of ray's character & actions which are intimately linked with his alcoholism, i would ask you to take some time to make sure that you do actually know what you're talking about. if you're criticizing ray -- & there is plenty to criticize! -- i would ask you to take a moment to think about whether you're really just holding him accountable, or if maybe you're being unduly harsh on him. i think there's more than a few people in this fandom who have some unexamined biases around addiction & those who struggle with it; this is an excellent opportunity for all of us to educate ourselves on this subject. i've been learning a lot about what different structured recovery programs look like; my uncle never pursued one, & i'd never sought out information on that before.

ray isn't real. none of the people he's hurting are real, either. but he & the people around him are a very well-written reflection of a very common, very difficult experience. you don't have to like him, but if you want to understand more about addiction i think he could be a really good starting point for that. if you don't want to, i genuinely get it -- sometimes you just want to watch a show & enjoy it without having to do homework. that's okay. but if that's your position, then please think twice before making public posts passing uninformed judgement on the show's representation of an incredibly complicated & sensitive topic.

i'll reiterate one last time that this post was not intended to judge, scold, or otherwise castigate; i hope that i've managed to maintain an acceptable level of the objectivity i was aiming for, & if i haven't, then my apologies, i definitely tried. if you're going to disagree with some of what i've written, that's fine, but please remember that i wrote all of this based on my personal experience with a family member, & be kind.

#i am very nervous about posting this but i think i really needed to say it #only friends #ofts #only friends the series #original

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yokohamapound · 1 year

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HIHIHI

Can I request Chuuya and kunikida with a s/o who likes to braid or style their hair??🤭 I LOVE YOUR ACCOUNT SM HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY(or night!!)

How did you know long-haired pretty boys are my weakness? :D

Characters: Kunikida Doppo, Nakahara Chuuya

Contents: gn!reader, brushy-brushy

Kunikida Doppo

Kunikida’s got an interesting style of hair, considering the amount of time and effort he puts into making sure he looks neat and clean all the time. You would think a long underside to his hair would be impractical, but he makes it work.

I don’t think it’s in his list of attributes for an ideal spouse to enjoy brushing and styling his hair for him, but he was certainly pleasantly surprised the first time you approached him with a brush and a glint in your eye.

He’s so tall he has to sit on a chair while you stand behind him. He sits down patiently, resting his hands on his knees. Kunikida looks almost meditative as you tug the hairtie free and spread his hair across his shoulders.

Kunikida closes his eyes as you work the comb through his hair, running your fingers after it. Not only does it feel good, it manages to slow his ever-marching thoughts down to a stroll.

He might be in constant pursuit of his ideals, but he knows when to stop and appreciate a moment. You taking time out of your day to lavish a little bit of care on him is definitely worth savouring.

Because most of his hair is short, you’ll be somewhat limited in what you can do with it. You can mostly braid the long strands or put them in a ponytail, but he will dutifully wear whatever style you choose for him that day.

I’m afraid he may object to wearing hairclips.

He likes those springy, phone-cord ties since they don’t pull on his hair, and the poor, gullible fool has worn a scrunchie to the office at your behest a few times. Dazai was most amused.

Kunikida: “Shows what you know, Dazai. It decreases the risk of traction baldness in men.”

Dazai: “It also makes you look totally rad!”

Nakahara Chuuya

Okay, you only need to take one look at Chuuya to realise he’s fussy about his hair. His style is…complicated, to say the least. As with the rest of his style, he’s definitely cultivated it to go along with his look.

He puts up a couple of token complaints the first time you start trying to brush his hair, but it doesn’t take him long to realise he enjoys it. The feeling of your fingers running across his scalp is damn near enough to send him falling asleep.

Chuuya does feel a little twitchy about you sitting behind him. Not because he doesn’t trust you—it’s those hard-earned street rat/mafioso instincts, but he gets over it.

Sorry, you won’t be putting any cute bobbles or barrettes in his hair, but you might get away with a couple of black bobby pins here and there. He might not even notice if they’re round the back.

He used to tie his hair in a little ponytail at the nape of his neck but I’m happy to tell you he also looks great with a high ponytail. Although he does wonder why so many people are staring at his neck now—is his choker crooked? Sadly, he won’t wear it for long because it interferes with his hat.

Yeah, he’ll let you braid the long bit that falls over his shoulder, and he’ll punch the lights out of anyone who has anything to say about it.

Expect lots of sarcastic comments, though.

“What am, your stylin’ head?”

“If you pull it, I’m smackin’ your ass with the brush, dollface.”

#Yokohama Pound #bungou stray dogs #bsd imagines #bsd headcanons #Kunikida Doppo #Nakahara Chuuya #Kunikida x Reader #Chuuya x Reader

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dksw0rld · 1 year

Text

Things I’ve Learned As A Young Woman

I’m in my (almost) mid 20s, I turn 25 in a few weeks. Since my birthday is coming up I’ve been reflecting on things I’ve learned as I always do in the weeks leading up. I want this blog to be a safe space for women to learn and grow in community so I wanted to share some of the lessons and pass them on to others.

Health

1. Consult with your doctor(s) before starting any sort of diet, no matter how good you may think it will be for you

At the end of the day, the internet is not a doctors office. You don’t know how a diet could personally affect you, as a woman and / or as a human. You don’t know if trying a certain diet will deprive you of a vitamin you’re already deficient in. You don’t know if that diet is good for your reproductive health in the long run.

2. Tying into point 1, always get your yearly check ups (blood panel, obgyn checkups, yearly physical, dental cleanings, etc.)

A lot can change in a year. You don’t know what could have developed, what you could have become deficient in, what you need less of, etc. if you don’t get your yearly checkups done. Staying informed and up to date is one of the best ways to combat anything that could come up, benign or not. Keeping up with your health is the highest form of self care!!

3. Speak to your doctor(s) extensively AND do your own medically backed research before choosing to go on birth control (and seriously consider other options first)

I know this can be a bit of a taboo topic but quite frankly I don’t care. Doctors nowadays are VERY quick to push birth control onto women without educating them on all the side effect, ways it can affect our bodies with long term use AND what can happen when you get off of the pill. I understand a lot of you want to partake in sex without having to worry (more on that in another point...) or you want to take it for other reasons not pertaining to sex but the healthiest way is to naturally keep track of your cycle and ovulation schedule. No one told me the issues I would have taking birth control for years and then getting off. I didn’t even start taking it to have safe sex, I started taking it when I as 16 because of the bad period symptoms I was having and to help control my acne. When I finally got off of it, my hormones were a wreck and I was diagnosed with PMDD thanks to the birth control wrecking my hormones. It took me literal months of research and trial and error to naturally re-balance my hormones. 9.5 times out of 10 taking birth control is just not worth it. Before you decide, please make sure you weigh all of the pros and cons and look into other options.

4. Please be careful what you are putting in AND on your body

We are in a day and age where there are chemicals in and on everything. As women, a lot of these things mess with our hormones, our reproductive health and overall health. You have to do the work of reading labels on food products, researching if anything in your household products are harmful, purchasing all natural products when possible (makeup, cleaning products, candles, air sprays, etc.), and making as many things at home as you can (air sprays, cleaning solution, food, etc.). The companies making these harmful products are not going to tell us the risks. They’re just not. The detergent company you’re using to wash your intimates is not going to tell you how the chemicals they’re putting in their detergent is going to make your hormones unbalanced when you wear the underwear you washed with it. It is up to you as a woman to watch out for anything that can be harmful to your health. I wish it wasn’t that way but it is.

Mental Health

1. Stress and Anxiety are real and can really affect your body negatively

The affects of anxiety and stress are real. They can wreck havoc on the body. Find activities that help channel it. Journal. Speak to a therapist. Let go of what you cannot control. Research if what you’re consuming is helping contribute to the issue.

2. Therapy does not make you weak

There is literally no shame in speaking to a therapist and anyone who thinks so needs to grow up. It’s actually extremely responsible and mature to make the decision to speak to someone to become a better you. You don’t even need to have gone through a traumatic experience to speak to someone. Therapy guides you in digging deep about every “why”. Why you respond the way you do, why you think the way you do, why you love that thing so much, what made you who you are today. Everyone can benefit from therapy in some way.

3. Your diet plays a part in your mental health

The mind-gut connection is real. What you put into your body has an affect on your mental health, especially as a woman. Yet another reason why it’s so crucial to know what you are putting into and on your body. Take it from someone who spent months and months naturally balancing her hormones. It matters.

Relationships

1. Stop sleeping with just anyone. That’s not being “liberated”.

I’m going to tell you right now. Stop. Your flower is extremely sacred. Letting anyone and everyone have access to it is not being a liberated woman. It’s actually trapping you into the mindset that being treated with the bare minimum (aka how you should always be treated by a man or woman) equals sex. If a man takes you out and doesn’t ask to split the bill you’re about ready to give it all to him on the first date because “he’s rare”. No. Number one, men like that are not rare, you’re just looking in the wrong places and / or entertaining low value men. Number two, men automatically see that as “oh so all I have to do is treat her with the bare minimum, she’ll eat it up and I can smash her”. Sorry, but it’s true. That type of treatment I just named is the BARE minimum. How a man or woman should treat you every single time of every single day. You have no idea how that man actually is from one or two dates. He could be putting on a show hoping to get in your pants. Honestly, that’s most likely what he is doing. And if he’s not, why give one of the most important part of yourself so soon? You’re just that easy to impress? Stop! A man worth giving time to knows how to control his sexual urges and will not ask you to have sex on the first few dates. Honestly, the men worth giving time to will wait for you to feel comfortable enough to bring it up, they won’t even mention it! Or on the other hand, if you’re sleeping with just anyone because you want to be a “liberated woman” who wants to express her sexuality freely, true liberation comes from being picky about who you choose to share yourself with and feeling safe and seen enough to share it with them. How do you feel after you have sex with someone in the name of being “liberated”? Once the hormones settle I bet you feel like crap. Let’s also mention that you don’t know who else they’ve slept with. You don’t know what someone else they slept with has. You’re genuinely putting your health at risk every time you choose to share yourself with someone you barely know. Not to mention you’re risking making another human with a man you don’t even know would be a good father, if he chooses to acknowledge he’s the father at all (harsh, I know, but unfortunately very true). And if you do know them, you should feel comfortable enough to ask them about their sexual history, when the last time they got checked was AND to show you proof they are free of any STIs. If not, then you shouldn’t be sleeping with them. If they refuse or make excuses, you definitely shouldn’t be sleeping with them!

2. Stop looking for love, let it find you

I won’t lie to you, this one took me a while to learn. But I’ve mastered it now. Love is not something you find. I truly believe that. Love finds you when you are ready for it. Whether that be forever love or a love that’s meant to teach you and prepare you for the next level of life and eventually the next love. I was on dating apps on and off for years. I believe dating apps can help you gain experience and help you meet new people but in my opinion I don’t think they’re conducive to finding your forever love. There are exceptions to that just like there are to everything but I believe letting love find you when it’s meant to is the best way to do it. Now if you genuinely feel like you’re being called to use dating apps to find love than by all means do so, but do the work first and make sure it’s not just because you feel lonely, left out, impatient to find your person, or are afraid to be alone. I had to be honest with myself and say that I was on dating apps because I was being impatient. And after digging deeper into that I realized it was one of the reasons I was still single. I wasn’t letting love unfold when it was supposed to, I was looking for it and forcing it. You can’t force love no matter how hard you try. Since being honest with myself, I found that I would much rather find my love interests organically. Not having to force it by swiping right solely based on how the person looks and a shallow glance into their interests. If I meet someone with potential at a bookstore, I already know we have something in common, a love of reading. Plus, there is so much more to life than a romantic relationship. Focus on you and creating your ideal life. Date yourself. Treat yourself how you want someone to treat you one day. I know we’ve all heard those so much but there’s a reason for it, they’re true! Love will find you when it’s supposed to. What’s for you will never pass you.

These are some of the many lessons I’ve learned on my journey. I truly hope at least some of these taught you something or rang true for you. If so, send me a message I’d love to hear. Or if you have any questions on any of the topics I touched on, send me a message and I’ll expand on it!

With love,

#lessons #dk #womens health #highvalueblackwoman #wellness #health and wellness

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yungchaeng · 1 year

Text

Popstar (Twice series: Nayeon)

III: Missing you

genre: fluff - word count: 3186

Life has always had its way of reminding you that nothing came easy. Even in your relationship with Nayeon, although loving her was effortless…the problem had always been keeping her.

The napkin with her phone number had been sitting on your kitchen counter for days, reminding you of your dilemma every morning since she walked into your café.

Seeing her again was surreal. For years, it was easy to distance yourself from the idea of her. The face you saw on billboards, TV, and all over social media was just Nayeon ‘the popstar’. The more you saw Nayeon as the star she now was, the harder you tried to forget who she once was to you.

When you saw her adorable smile you tried not to think of all the nights you both spent laughing at the dumbest things together. When you heard her songs, you worked hard to push the memories away of her singing you all the songs she wrote you.

And somehow, with time, all that pushing away started to work.

Slowly, but surely, even the sleepless nights you spent missing her became less frequent. The tears you cried over her had dried up, and that heartache you felt when you woke and her side of the bed was empty became…familiar.

Yes, you loved her. You never stopped loving her. However, seeing that she truly achieved every single one of the goals she had once set out for herself…you knew it all had to have been for the best. So you convinced yourself that that made it okay. The hurt had to have been worth it in the long run, right?

Missing Nayeon was hard, but it was slowly becoming your new normal. You somehow managed to keep it all together…until she walked into your café. You laid your eyes on her and it felt like time stood still at that moment.

Nayeon told you that she loved you and that since you loved her the same, that was all that mattered. According to her, things would be different if she got just one more chance. The love of your life stood across from you that day and said all the things you had disregarded as wishful thinking for years. And since then, you had been hopeful that she was right…and you scolded yourself for that.

It could be easy going on as you were: pretending you didn’t miss Nayeon as much as you did. Though you couldn’t lie to yourself anymore. Deep down you know your decision was made the second you laid eyes on her again. The exact moment she smiled at you and asked you for a coffee in that voice that was just as sweet as the first time you met, you knew.

You did not want to spend a second apart anymore.

Although you had your doubts, it all seemed to fade away the second you heard Nayeon’s laugh again when you finally called her up.

“I choose you.” Nayeon told you. “It will always be you from now on. I promise.”

And you chose Nayeon too – all of her.

Giving it another try was going to be easier said than done, but for Nayeon you were willing to put your heart at risk to see if it was true.

The day after was nerve-wracking for you. Nayeon would come over for dinner, and your mind was plagued with all kinds of worries. What to wear? What to cook? Would her favourite food still be a good option, or should you make something completely different? Would it be awkward? What would you even talk about?

What if either of you didn’t love the person the other had become anymore?

It turned out that worrying about what to talk about was not worth it. Nayeon came over and there were years of catching up to do, so there was barely any time for awkward silence either. You both laughed and reminisced together, and you watched her with a sheepish smile on your face as she told you about her adventures of being a full-blown celebrity.

A deep breath of relief escaped you. Your heavy heart seemed to feel light again after so long. You finally had Nayeon back, and you adored her more now than you ever did before.

Nayeon sat on your couch, legs crossed and arms flailing as she told you about one of the many times she almost missed her flight on tour. You chuckled along with her story and your heart fluttered every time she smiled. You could listen to her talk for hours, forever even.

The end of the evening seemed to be nowhere in sight, but Nayeon’s ringing phone interrupted your conversation. She picked it up with a frown, followed by a slew of apologies. “I’m sorry.” she sighed. “I’ll be right down.”

“Is everything okay?” you asked.

“Security.” Nayeon stood up with a pout on her lip and shrugged lightly. “It’s getting dark. So they figured it’s time I get home.”

“Oh…”

While the two of you sat there, isolated from the world and wrapped up in each other’s presence, the day had gone and night had fallen. Suddenly, it was dark outside and hours had passed – hours that felt like minutes to you, yet still didn’t feel like enough.

This moment with her couldn’t last forever, but you didn’t want it to end here either.

“…you could..stay here?” your voice was soft when you suggested it. Nayeon grinned, but her silence was too loud for you. So you panicked. “uhm, you know, I still have some dessert I could offer you?”

“Oh.” Nayeon cocked her head and smirked playfully. “That’s not what I came here for, but I wouldn’t oppose—”

“Nayeon!” you gasped. “not that kind, you perv…I was thinking more like ice cream.”

She chuckled as she nodded. “Oh, that’s good too.”

Nayeon called the security off and you both had a few more hours of talking before you went to bed. As she shuffled into your bed next to you for the first time in what felt like forever, you couldn’t help but wonder if things were moving a bit too fast.

The rules on dating an ex were muddy, but the one thing you did know for sure was that you missed having Nayeon so close to you... and by the way she was subtly shifting closer to you, so did she.

Maybe it didn’t matter that it felt fast? Her presence so near felt perfect to you.

Yes, the first few minutes in bed were…awkward. The both of you silently stared at the ceiling until you heard Nayeon’s adorable giggle. When she finally wrapped her arms around you, she told you she had waited too long to be with you to not be as close as possible.

Nayeon always knew exactly what she wanted, and of course you gave in to her. Some things never change.

Her content sigh and tight embrace were already enough to melt you, and you held her closer, tracing figures on the small of her back. You stayed awake long after she planted her soft lips on your cheek and whispered that she loved you.

As her breathing deepened and you laid there, as still as you could in order not to wake her, you knew for sure: you were whole again.

When you woke the next morning and the spot next you was empty, for a second you figured it all must have been one of your silly dreams. You groggily made your way to the kitchen where you were met with a sight you had missed: Nayeon swaying her hips along to softly playing music, as she tried to figure out how to work your coffee machine.

Your lips curled into a smile. She was dawned in your oversized sweater, bare faced with her specs balanced on her nose along with her hair tied messily into a quick bun…it all felt like nothing had changed. Nayeon seemed so comfortable as if she was never gone, and for maybe the 100th time since yesterday you thanked the stars that you got her back: not just Nayeon the popstar, but the Nayeon that stole your heart the moment you first saw her.

“Aren’t you going to be late?” your voice was soft, tentative, as you tried not to startle her.

“I am.” She turned to look at you, eyes sparkling and a slight smile on her face as she handed you your coffee. “but I don’t want to go yet.”

Her hand found yours and your fingers intertwined. You felt butterflies in your stomach, simply at her touch, but you chuckled nervously as you tried to pretend that your heartbeat didn’t just pick up instantly.

“Although I’d like you to stay too…you have a dance practice in like an hour. I don’t want to be the reason you’re late.”

A sour expression graced your face when you took a sip of the beverage she made you. Nayeon was never the best at making a good coffee, and yes, some things never change. Although, as you always used to do, you took another sip and fought hard to hide your displeasure.

Nayeon laughed and slightly shook her head. “One day I’ll get it right.”

“I sure do hope so…” you chuckled along.

“Hmm, I was hoping maybe…” Nayeon trailed off and played with your fingers. It used to be a tell that she was a bit nervous, but the mischievous smirk on her lips suggested otherwise. “…maybe you could come with me today? To work?”

There was a beat of silence.

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to pressure—”

“It’s not that.” You interrupted. “I would love to, you know that…it’s just…maybe we shouldn’t rush into this?”

“Baby…” Nayeon sighed and held on tighter to your hand with a faint smile dawned on her face. “I could ask you your favourite colour, or how you like your eggs in the morning…but we know all of this about each other already. I’ve been waiting years for this, to share myself with you – all of me.”

“Nayeon…are you sure about this?”

“Yes. I’ve never been more sure about anything.” She smiled brightly, showing off her adorable teeth. “Plus, I think the girls wouldn’t forgive me if I didn’t bring you along to see them. They’ve missed you too.”

You hummed, grinning. “Bringing the members into this. Smart move.”

“Is it working?” she asked through a smirk.

“Yeah, it kind of is.” An excited squeal and repeated kisses on your cheek followed and you made yourself a mental note to give Nayeon her way more often.

You both got ready and Nayeon took the opportunity to raid your closet for a sweater she wanted to ‘borrow’, and you let her. You used to try and protest, as you knew you usually never got them back, but you have missed the image of her in your clothes for too long and weren’t going to stand in the way of it now.

“Are we really doing this?” Nayeon asked you with a smile as you left your apartment, and you nodded. “then…will you be my girlfriend again?” she softly asked you.

“Gladly.” You were nervous as hell for everything that was to come, but as long as you had Nayeon by your side it should be okay, right?

A squeal of excitement left her and you chuckled, understanding exactly how she felt. Nayeon pulled you in by the shirt with a grin on her face and she stroked the side of your cheek softly. Her smile was as gracious as ever and her voice lowered to a whisper as she said, “I’ve been waiting for this for a long time…”

Your heartbeat instantly picked up as you instinctively leaned in closer to her.

“Can I kiss you?” she asked cautiously, and not wasting a second more, you close the gap between your lips.

Her soft lips moved along with yours and your head started to spin almost instantly. You missed this. You missed her so much. The feeling of her lips on yours, her arms over your shoulders, and her body pressed up against you…all of it. Your kiss was long, and both of you savoured every second of it.

With a squeeze to her hip, a bite down her lip, and a sigh of pleasure, you tried to express all the things that words could never do justice. In an ideal world, the kiss would never end, but when you heard her sharp inhale and soft moan, you pulled away. Nayeon playfully grinned, but you were still dazed, trying your hardest not to lean back in again.

You were conflicted between not wanting to move everything along too fast, and pulling her back into the house to give her that ‘dessert’ she joked about the previous day.

“hmm,” Nayeon hummed, eyes still closed. “you really missed me, huh?”

“Shut up.” You laughed. “we’re gonna be late.”

Nayeon led you out of the apartment building by your intertwined hands, but the closer you got to getting outside, the more your nerves seemed to build up. This was one of the many little moments that would break your heart in the past. Around this time, she’d kiss you on the cheek, whisper a small “I love you.” and let go of your hand. You can still hear all of her excuses replay in your head.

“you never know who might see us…”

“it’s best to be cautious.”

“you know I love you, right?”

Maybe it was self-preservation, an act in order to not let her break your heart like that again, but you let go of her hand instead and shoved yours firmly in your pockets with a trembling breath.

Nayeon frowned. “Is something wrong?”

“Ah, no…” you spoke softly, trying to avert her gaze on you. “it’s just…it’s best to be cautious.”

Your girlfriend paused, and you wished you could read her mind right then. She softly sighed, took your hands out of your pocket, and held them to her chest.

“I’m so sorry.” Her lip quivered as she spoke, and you kept looking at the ground so she couldn’t see how vulnerable you felt. “I can’t apologise enough for the way I used to treat you.”

“We don’t have to get into it. It’s okay—”

“No, it’s really not.” With a finger hooked under your chin, she made you look at her. “I can’t take back the things I said, or did, but I can try my hardest to make them right…and I will.” Nayeon reached over and took your hand into hers again.

“Are you sure—”

“ssh,” the other girl playfully interjected. “No time to chat. We’re going to be late, remember?” You smiled.

Being out and about with her hand in yours felt so foreign. Especially since you felt like everybody’s eyes were on the both of you – which, to be fair, they probably were because of Nayeon’s celebrity status.

However, under everyone’s gaze you couldn’t help but feel a bit…insecure.

Some people tried not to linger. They would look for a second and then look away as soon as you made eye contact. Others were not so polite. They would stare, gawk even. Their mouths were agape at the sight of your girlfriend and their face turned into near scowls as soon as they registered your presence next to her…

You felt exposed. Too vulnerable.

Nayeon caught on quick, as she would give your hand a reassuring squeeze every time she noticed a stare. “Are you okay?” she’d ask you as she gave everyone that looked at you an intense glare.

You lied and said you were fine, but of course, she knew you long enough to know that wasn’t the case. As she pulled you closer to her, Nayeon muttered an apology along with the fact that you’d get used to the stares eventually.

It seemed that since your break-up, Nayeon and Twice had become even more famous somehow. Whereas there used to be at least some places where Nayeon wouldn’t be recognised before, she now got multiple stares in every street you passed. It was a lot…

You were about to ask her how she dealt with the constant attention when two young girls approached. They giggled amongst themselves and Nayeon smiled at them – which made them giggle harder. Their hands were shaky when they introduced themselves as fans of hers and they looked at each other with wide eyes when Nayeon gave either of them a hug.

It was all very endearing. The fact that not only you, but the world, loved your girlfriend very dearly made you smile. You always loved her fan interactions and how she’d glow afterward. It made your heart swell and even in the time you were apart, you were comforted by the idea that Nayeon wouldn’t have to go a day without knowing how loved she was.

As one of them spoke to Nayeon and fawned over Twice’s latest performances, you noticed the other one giving you a questioning look. She cocked her head to the side and the frown on her face slowly made you more self-conscious.

It made you uncomfortable, but you also didn’t know what to say so you just awkwardly cleared your throat. “Uhm…would you like a picture together?” you managed to utter.

“Sure…” the girl that was basically staring you down muttered.

“Yes, omg, please?” The other girl gasped as she shakily gave you her phone. “Thank you so much.”

With trembling hands, you took a few photos of Nayeon with the girls. Your girlfriend thanked you dearly and out of the corner of your eye you saw the girls chatting amongst themselves. Then suddenly it was both of them shooting you piercing glares. You swallowed away the uneasy feeling you felt coming up as you handed them back the phone.

Nayeon said her goodbyes to them and after one more glance your way, they went on their way. Barely a second passed before your girlfriend captured your hand in hers again. Your mind was already running overtime thinking about all the things those girls could be thinking of you, but Nayeon’s reassuring smile relieved you from your worries for just a second.

“Was that okay?” she softly asked with a nudge to your shoulder. “Are you okay?”

You paused for a second. Maybe it was because being so close out in public was all so new to you, but it all felt so unknown. This felt uneasy. “…yeah, I’m good.”

Although you knew that was not the truth, you also knew that at the end of the day, you felt more so grateful than anything. Sure, everything was different… and sure, people would stare and glare…but who cared what others thought if you had Nayeon by your side, right?

Things would be different this time – you chose to believe that. However, right then, you realised a bit too late that in your excitement for having the love of your life back, you never really prepared for how “different” things could really get.

#twice #twice x reader #nayeon #nayeon x reader #twice x fem reader #nayeon x fem reader #thank you all so much for reading !!!#i cant wait to share the next (and last) chapter with you #enjoy your little fluffy interlude in this angst series ;)

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appocalipse · 2 years

Text

Bats & Leather Jackets | eddie munson x reader x steve harrington

Fandom: Stranger Things

Pairing: Eddie Munson x henderson!reader (female pronouns used) x Steve Harrington

Words: 3.3k

Summary: the upside down is far from the ideal place to feel heart palpitations. but you do. when you get injured, they get worried. some of them maybe even get jealous of a certain jacket you’re wearing...

A/N: this is part 2, so you may want to read part 1 first here. please keep in mind that this series will eventually let you choose a route — one with steve and one with eddie. feedback is very much appreciated.

It was a terrible, terrible idea.

You knew that even before you all got into the boat. You knew that before Steve so valiantly volunteered to jump into Lover’s Lake. Goddamit, you knew it just as the words had left Dustin’s mouth and everyone agreed to go check if there was really a gate nearby.

It was a terrible idea.

The way to…well, wherever the portal was, seemed long; so long it was dark again before you got even close to your destination, Dustin leading the way proudly. The group followed obediently behind, exchanging nervous looks every time he stopped to look down at his compass.

You were walking right behind Dustin, thinking about what would happen if you all finally found the gate, when he turned to you and gestured for you to come closer. He slowed his pace for a moment so you could walk beside him, the usual optimistic expression on his face replaced by one of concern that he tried to disguise with a smile.

“Hey sis,” he said softly, once you were within a reasonable distance of the others. “Are you really okay? I heard Eddie say you two had to jump into the water and...well, you know.”

“I’m fine,” you reached over to ruffle his hair out of habit, but he was wearing a hat, so you just gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze instead, “don’t worry.”

“Okay.”

But even when he smiled, you knew he would worry. Worrying was your thing — yours and his. You always had each other’s backs.

Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Eddie, walking a few steps behind and talking to Robin. It was kind of weird seeing him without the usual leather jacket you were now wearing. There was also Steve; just a few steps to the side, walking somewhat near Nancy, on the other side of Robin, but apparently not saying anything. Dustin noticed he was too busy staring daggers at Eddie to think of anything worth saying.

You, of course, are oblivious to it all, he thought.

“We were all worried sick when we saw the police earlier,” Dustin grinned, his gaze falling on something, or someone, over your shoulder. “Some of us more than others.”

You instinctively followed Dustin's gaze...and regretted it the exact moment he caught you looking at an unsuspecting Steve, now listening to the conversation Nancy and Robin were having beside him. Talking about boys with your little brother was never exactly your plan, but he didn't need you to. He knew.

“I see how worried he is,” you said then, before you could stop yourself, watching how Steve looked at Nancy as she spoke. You turned back to face the path ahead before Steve could catch you looking at him.

Dustin risked a glance in his direction again. He grimaced before turning back to you.

“I’m pretty sure he’s jealous you’re wearing Eddie’s jacket.”

You crossed your arms, looking down at the jacket instinctively. Dustin could clearly see through your forced indifference, though. “What?”

“Now you’re going red,” he happily observed, grinning widely.

“I am not.”

Your eyes wondered then, trying to find any other place to look besides the smug face of your younger brother...and they fell on Steve once again. He was talking to Nancy; of course he was. She was looking at the ground with a sweet, charming smile.

You still couldn’t get that hug out of your mind, though.

“Not this again,” you huff, eyeing the boat Steve just uncovered.

His eyes are gentle when he looks up at you from his position on the ground. He knows about your problem with swimming and all things related.

“You can wait here if you want,” he reassures. “We'll be quick."

Eddie, who’s now crouched down beside him, is helping push the boat into the water. His head perks up at you curiously.

“And miss out on all the fun?” your tone is sarcastic. Robin and Nancy are the first to climb in. Then so does Eddie, hand extended to you same as he did to Nancy before, and to you at the boathouse before that.

“Are you having déjà vu too?” he asks, small smile on display.

You take his hand; his skin is cold against your palm, but still reassuring.

“Absolutely.”

Once everyone is settled — and you finally convinced Dustin to stay behind and hand the compass over to Nancy (your big-sister-tone was necessary at that point) — the boat starts moving. Slowly.

You focus on your breathing, trying not to think about the water moving under you, circling from all sides. Robin places a gentle hand on your shoulder.

Then it happens. Very, very quickly.

Honestly, if someone later asked you to describe exactly how you of all people ended up diving into the lake after Steve, you wouldn’t know what to say.

What you do know is that searching for the gate was a bad idea from the beginning. And now, swimming after Steve blindly into dark waters, you think: well, if only anyone ever listened to what I say.

Crossing the gate feels more like being sucked into the other side than anything else.

You hit the hard floor, scraping your hands and knees. But you’re standing up just in time to see Nancy — who’s clearly a faster swimmer than you are — knock out a bat-like creature away from Steve...and then, Robin and Eddie emerge from the gate. Armed with oars of questionable durability, you all join the fight.

The bats seem to come from all directions, leaping at you all at once; Steve is still on the ground, you see, horrified, as one of the creatures' tails is curled tightly around his neck, strangling him. There’s a second one biting the exposed skin of his abdomen. Robin and Nancy start hitting the first bat with all the strength they can muster; you race to hit the second one with your own oar.

It makes a grotesque noise similar to a screech of pain when you hit it square in the head.

“Shit, shit, shit!”

Steve is already getting up, visibly injured but otherwise okay. The scream comes from Eddie.

You see when he hits the first bat that approaches with ease, knocking him out instantly; the second, however, is approaching from behind him, and so he’s completely unaware of the danger. Eddie trips and falls to the ground when the creature leaps at his head, and you let out a terrorized scream.

“Eddie!”

You hit it. Once, twice, then again and again. Frantic and scared and still going.

Your oar breaks, but so does whatever bones that creature had inside it. It stops moving with one last terrifying shriek.

Eddie is impressed, he must admit. He swallows the lump in his throat, high on adrenaline, and says, wide eyes and big smile, and maybe only half-joking, “Marry me?”

You’re halfway between shock and embarrassment when you let out a chuckle. “Maybe take me to dinner first.”

You offer him a hand that he takes gladly, standing up.

You toss away the remaining piece of wood in your hand, now far too small to be of any use.

Not your smartest decision, really, because next thing you know there’s a bat sinking its teeth down on your shoulder, hard enough to tear a hole in Eddie’s jacket, deep enough to draw blood.

It does certainly hurt a lot more than you thought it would.

Your knees buckle and you fall, letting out a painful cry that makes Steve, Nancy, and Robin all turn their heads in your direction.

They’re screaming your name, running towards you, yelling things you can’t quite process; but Eddie’s already leaping into action, mildly panicked and entirely enraged. You can’t see exactly what’s happening; the bat is violently struggling as you try to push it off of you, wings hitting your face, teeth sinking deeper.

And then...it stops.

Eddie whips the bat to the ground with a loud, sickeningly wet sound, his grasp firm in its tail. Steve gets to him just in time to stab an oar into the bat’s head, using much more force than was probably necessary.

Robin and Nancy kneel down beside you, exchanging panicked looks as you clutch your shoulder tightly.

“You okay? Did it bite your neck?” Robin looks just about ready to lose it. “Any important veins, an artery? Are you blee-”

“Let her breathe, Robin, Jesus,” says Steve, but there’s also a hint of worry in his voice. “Are you okay?”

“Are you okay?”

Steve looks down at his own wounds as if he’d only then noticed they were there. “Uh, yeah, never better.”

“Doesn’t look like it,” Nancy is eyeing his injuries suspiciously, sharp mind at work. “We should get out of here and get you both treated.”

“Yeah, absolutely,” Robin agrees, barely a step away from total panic. “Do you guys think these bats have rabies?”

It’s only a few moments later, after enduring what seemed like an earthquake of sorts and hiking through a forest that felt like literally walking through hell that you reach Nancy’s house...or the Upside Down equivalent, at least.

The idea came from herself. She had guns at home, she said. And although Eddie was shocked by this interesting turn of events, Steve went as far as to say she had almost shot him with one of those once in a very familiar, very intimate tone that mirrored her own when Nancy replied a charming “you almost deserved it.”

You looked away. Just like you did when Steve felt dizzy and Nancy immediately ran to his side, faster and more prepared to help him than you were. Of course. She looked like the heroine of an action movie, you thought, tearing off a piece of her own shirt in order to bandage Steve up, eyes focused, hands firm in spite of every horror you all had just witnessed.

Was she even human?

He seemed to stare at her the whole time she was doing it. And how could he not? Was that adoration in his eyes as he looked down at her? He was clearly in pain, but still pleased to be under her attention once again.

And then you looked away. Took a breath. Reminded yourself that you didn’t have to do anything about your feelings for Steve. You could let them go, eventually. There was only one person that knew about them, truly knew, truly heard the words coming out of your mouth: Eddie Munson, and he was trying to be subtle while looking at you from time to time, whenever something happened between Steve and Nancy especially.

He thought he was subtle.

Now, standing in the Wheeler’s kitchen, you know they are talking about something important, something that might get you out of this hell hole...but your vision is suddenly darkening and the floor seems to be spinning way to fast, getting closer by the second, and you don’t register a word any of them say.

“Whoa,” Eddie catches you by the elbow last minute. Did I lose my balance? You straighten yourself once again, the dizziness quickly wearing off, same way as it hit you.

“Are you okay?” Steve is already taking a step closer to you.

“Yes,” you say.

“No,” Eddie says at the same time. You look at him as if he just betrayed you, but he doesn’t let go of your arm, a little worried you might trip over once again. He nods towards your shoulder. “She is still bleeding and just about ready to fall over.”

“When was the last time you ate?” Steve asks.

“I don’t know,” you reply, suddenly the center of attention. “Before I went to see Eddie, maybe.”

Sounds like a question. Steve exhales loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“We have a first aid kit upstairs,” Nancy offers. “We could use it to stop the bleeding, at least. It’s in the-”

“Bathroom,” Steve says. “Right?”

She looks surprised he still remembers. “Yeah.”

“Look, guys, I’m okay, I can take it until we-”

“C’mon,” Steve takes your hand, not interested in hearing any protests. He looks over his shoulder and announces to the three others, still standing in the middle of the kitchen, “I’ll take a look at that shoulder. You go ahead and see if you can find those guns.”

You’ve been here before, but not enough times to know your way around. Steve leads you towards the stairs without any problem, though. You let go of his hand as you both start moving up the stairs, trying not to think about how many times he must have walked this same steps with his hand on Nancy’s...only at the other side, of course.

“Does it hurt too much?”

“It’s okay. I just-”

It happens out of nowhere — one minute you're sure you're stepping in the right place; damn, you checked the spot before moving your leg... and yet the next moment, just as your right foot is about to touch the step above, one of those nasty tentacles — you could have sworn it wasn't there 2 seconds ago — appears right below where you're about to step. You try to move your foot away. You try to step anywhere away from the damn thing...but your foot finds nothing.

You fall.

Well, just for a second.

Closing your eyes is a natural reflex, as is the scream that would surely have come out of your mouth soon afterward...but it doesn't, because you feel the warmth of hands on your waist, long fingers firmly in place, and any memory of how to formulate clear and plausible sentences disappears from your mind.

You open your eyes. Slowly. And then think about how this can't be happening.

It is.

Steve is looking down at you, leaning slightly over your body, parted lips and wondering eyes, breathing heavily — no different from you.

Hands firmly grasping his arms, you look up at him; he’s still staring down at you; at your eyes, at your cheeks, at your lips. Like he wants to memorize it all but there’s not enough time.

“You okay?”, he whispers, his breath hot against your skin.

You’re dizzy, overwhelmed — all of your senses overflowing with his proximity.

Oh, no.

No, no, no.

Your mind is a mess; Steve loves Nancy, you remind yourself. Steve loves Nancy. In your mind, you're rewatching countless scenes of her and Steve staring at each other affectionately, of her ripping part of her own clothes off to bandage him up minutes ago, the dreamy expression on his face every time he looks at her...

You regain your balance, feet firmly on the ground—avoiding the tentacles this time, thank you very much —and carefully stepping away from his touch. Deep breaths, Y/N. The tips of his fingers linger for a moment, brushing against your forearms with hesitation. Your feel your skin still warm everywhere he touched you, your heart still racing in your chest.

Well...crap.

“I’m, uh, fine,” you mumble, voice hoarse and unconvincing as you straighten your posture. If he notices anything, he doesn’t tell.

Your feet almost move on their own, climbing up the last few steps, wanting nothing more than a moment to take a deep breath and absorb what just happened. But that, of course, isn't possible, and Steve follows you to the top of the stairs, indicating the door to what must be the bathroom in absolute silence.

It's nothing nicer than the rest of the house, tentacles curling here and there, particles floating darkly through the air...but the first-aid kit exists; Steve takes it off the top of the cabinet, clearly already knowing exactly where it would be.

“Found it,” he says, unnecessarily so, fishing out a small bottle of what you believe to be an antiseptic solution. “Not the best, but we can dress the wound at least.”

His gaze meets yours and you swallow hard, fiddling nervously with your fingers.

It's almost funny; you two are in what has to be literally the most unromantic place in the entire world, full of monsters and creepy landscapes...and yet he manages to make you nervous for all the wrong reasons.

“Look, I’m okay-”

“Shush,” he interrupts, but his gaze is gentle when he looks over at you. “Turn around. Let me take a look at your shoulder.”

You want to protest, but Steve raises his eyebrows at you, soft gaze and best intentions. You obediently turn around, heart beating fast against your ribcage as you feel him stepping closer.

“Can you...?” he gestures towards your shoulder; with an oh, you understand, shrugging the jacket off just enough for him to assess your injury. He gently moves your hair out of the way, fingers brushing against your neck while doing so — intentional or not, you would never know.

He begins cleaning the wound as gently as possible, movements slow and careful... but your body still reacts beyond your control, and you wince.

“Shit, does it hurt? Did I hurt you?” he’s searching your face for any signs of discomfort, tilting his head to the side to take a look at your expression.

“It’s okay. Just...stings a little.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” you say. “You didn’t bite me.”

You don’t have to look to know that he’s smiling; small, worried, but still a smile. Part of you hopes he’d come up with a flirty come back like he sometimes did, just to make your heart flutter a little bit amidst all this darkness...but he doesn’t say anything, his attention focused solely on the task at hand, and you let the silence settle between you two.

Steve finishes up quite quickly, you think, when he stands in front of you once again, your shoulder carefully bandaged up. He’s holding a clean cloth, soaked in what you believe to be antiseptic.

“Now, your cheek.”

“My cheek is fine,” you argue, but Steve is having none of it. “It’s just a scratch.”

“You’re bleeding, Y/N.”

He walks up to you in no time, head slightly tilted down to look at you — or rather, you remind yourself, at the scratch he’s set his mind on cleaning. Wordlessly, he uses his index finger to tilt your head to the side, brows furrowed in concentration as he begins disinfecting the cut.

It does sting a little, but you’re hopelessly more focused on the tingling sensation his finger is causing over the skin under your chin. You try your hardest not to look in his eyes, gaze moving anywhere but his unfairly handsome face.

Of course, you can only go so long without slipping.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Feeling like you’ve been caught, you try to keep your cool.

“We should patch you up first,” you reason. “Your injuries are worse than mine.”

Steve moves Eddie’s vest, the one he lent him minutes ago, out of the way, showing his bandaged sides as if to prove his point. He’s, of course, completely unaware of the warmth moving up your neck as you try not to stare at his exposed skin rather than at his wound. “Nance already patched me up, see?”

Yes, you think, bitterly. I saw that, thank you very much.

“You just frowned.”

Steve is smiling.

“No, I didn’t.”

“You frowned when I said ‘Nance’. Are you...?”

“What?”

“Jealous?”

Fueled by something you’re not quite sure what it is or where it comes from — though you’re blaming at least half of it on some of your brother’s words, still repeating inside your head —, you retort, “Are you jealous that Eddie gave me his jacket?”

Mouth agape, Steve just looks at you for a moment, thumb gentle against your jaw.

“I hate to interrupt you guys, but, um...” at the sound of Robin’s unmistakable voice, you and Steve step away from each other, eyes falling on her figure standing by the door. “We kinda have a plan.”

taglist: @minaxcarter @njutul @dramatic-antagonist @ajeff855 @mikeys-thighs @onlyangel-444 @nanainwonderland @themapoftinyperfectthings @riverpheonix23 @tanyaherondale @parker-natasha

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington x you #steve harrington oneshot #steve x reader #steve harrington angst #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington fic #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie x reader #stranger things #stranger things imagine #robin buckley

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redheadbigshoes · 4 months

Note

I'm so done with being calm and respectful about my anger towards those who intrude on sexual boundaries.

Every time a man makes an advance when a woman says no, or that she is a lesbian and not interested, it is an attack on her agency, on the worth of her will, and many people will just say 'its weird' and try and shrug it off, but those were precursors to some of the harassment I experienced, to unwanted physical contact by a coworker in the office I used to work in, trying to erode my boundaries and self-respect.

After I publicly transitioned to a woman when I graduated and moved to a new city for my first job, I was able to come out publicly as a lesbian after having gone through literal comphet forced relationships with men in order to get a letter from my therapist for hormones. I was happy to finally be able to say who I really was, having to just hope that everyone would be nice and accepting of my gender and sexuality since working in an office means you have to be around people you dont choose every day.

I expected my main issue to be transphobia, but I didn't understand how well I passed after just 1.5 years on hrt while closeted, and I doubly didn't expect to get the attention of my male coworkers who kept on making unwanted advances over and over despite me getting upset, disgusted, and angry at them. I told them I was a lesbian and it only increased the degree of my harassment, they wanted to wear down my self-worth and knew noone else in the office felt like standing up for me. It got to the point where I had to file HR cases against two of them. Even when I broke the woman's dress code (yes there was a dress code mandating wearing skirts and dresses, Bank of America's IT department is fucking weird) and just wore concealing jackets and facemasks (this was before the pandemic) and baggy pants they kept pestering me until I got a doctor's note to work from home.

I know some of it was definitely because I'm a trans woman too, a vulnerable target, because few of my coworkers already bothered to talk to me, and when I went to HR and other company assets for help they never took my word above others. Trans Lesbians are more at risk of sexual abuse than most people because most people don't give a fuck about us or our safety.

I just get fucking incredibly upset every time I hear people pushing lesbian's boundaries to include men because that was the precursor to some of my abuse. So anyone who thinks lesbians are 'mean' for being fucking angry and upset when people push men on us can go fuck themselves, I could literally punch every man I see in the face and it wouldn't even be a fraction of recompense for what they did to me.

Just wanted to vent this after reading about a lesbian talking about how a trans man keeps flirting with her despite her saying no and it makes me want to rip something apart

-🌻

I am so sorry about what you had to deal with. I truly hope you’re safer now.

People don’t care about women’s safety in general, so when it comes to a trans lesbian it must be much much worse.

People who try to push cis and trans men in lesbianism are probably the same ones who say transphobic shit and who don’t care about SA.

#stephanie answers #🌻 anon #long post #tw sa

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littlegreenwyvy · 4 months

Text

Wear a fucking covid mask

Wear a mask Wear a facemask, when you're indoors

Wear a N95 face mask if you're gonna be in public

wear a face mask

Wear a mask if you're going out

I don't know how to explain to people -- my friends and coworkers and family and strangers and people who make important decisions and people just living their lives -- that you are the reason over a thousand people die every week.

You are the reason I cannot leave my house without risk

You are the reason I can't go to the movies or a bar or to get a haircut or a restaurant or the doctor or the dentist or the library or go to fucking WORK OR SCHOOL without coming to terms with there being a non-zero chance I will be dead within the month.

Just because somebody had a friend over who had a ''''cold'''' last week and I happened to sit next to them on the bus.

“Oh it's not that likely” “Oh it'll be mild” “Oh HEALTHY people don't get severe illnesses”

First of all: Wrong

Second of all:

I"M NOT HEALTHY PEOPLE; I'M DISABLED FROM FUCKING COVID

"Oh it's okay because only YOU will die, not us good and healthy people : )"

My favourite is all the excuses

“Oh things aren't that bad yet so I won't take the preventative measures”

"Well I already had it and it wasn't a big deal, so I'm not gonna bother"

"I'm not gonna live my life in fear"

“Well I don't have to anymore so I'm not going to”

You SHOULD HAVE TO

I know it's an unpopular opinion, but I genuinely think that you SHOULD have to wear a face mask and stay a meter apart and take a test before going somewhere. At least in a fucking HOSPITAL or something.

I shouldn't have to BRING MY OWN EXTRA FACE MASKS because my doctor DOESN'T FUCKING HAVE ANY IN THE FUCKING OFFICE

And then they give me the fucking look

That look they get in their eyes

From my fucking DOCTOR, who I go to for my CHRONIC ILLNESS, which I got FROM HAVING COVID.

I should be able to go to work or the library or just out in public without risking catching the fucking plague.

So to all people who choose not to wear a mask: I hate every single one of you. All of you who don't wear face masks indoors:

YOU are the reason for this.

Yes even my friends; I'm sorry but I am blaming you and guilting you about it. If we lived nearby I would not be able to hang out with you because you are unsafe for me to be around. And that is fucking HEARTBREAKING. My FRIENDS, who I LOVE DEARLY, and WANT to be around, and I fucking can't, because of decisions that YOU make. All those times we talk about 'oh if we met up' 'oh if you travelled here' I can't fucking TRAVEL are you NUTS?

Do you know how long you're supposed to isolate if you suspect you've been 'in contact' with someone who had covid? CDC says 10 days from when symptoms start. If you still have symptoms on day 11? Start another 10 days.

Do you know what 'in contact' means? Maybe you do maybe you don't; I had to look it up myself, but maybe it was communicated better in your area. If you've been in the same ROOM as someone for 15 minutes; up to 2 days before their symptoms STARTED (and of course while they are showing symptoms) and up to 10 days AFTER their symptoms began. That means if you know someone had covid last week? They're still potentially transmissible. A stranger in the waiting room at the doctor's office has a cough? Possibly covid. And you know the BEST PART? We have NO IDEA how many cases are asymptomatic. That means that ANYBODY in public could potentially transmit it to you. Lower estimates suggest in the single-digits to 10s of percent of covid cases are asymptomatic, while higher estimates say up to 50%. We just don't know! There's no way to because it's not monitored fucking AT ALL anymore!

Do you know what this means?

It means there is NO WAY of knowing what the risk is. It's a gamble, full-on. Even more so than ever before. And do you wanna know what? I wanna fucking live. The potential to lose my entire fucking life isn't worth it for just about anything, if I'm being honest. I've already been through that once. I had a career in music lined up. I was just about to finish my degree as a clarinetist. I was performing in orchestras as a soloist. And you know what happened? I got covid. Suddenly my lungs and my diaphragm don't work so well anymore. For two whole years I couldn't stand or sit upright for more than an hour at a time, or else I would pass out. Nowadays it's improved; it's not more than 4 hours at a time, and I only feel faint for a while before passing out.

But do you know what that means? It means I can't play clarinet anymore. Over a decade of schooling and practicing and mastering my craft: Gone in an instant. I'll never play again. I lost my entire future and my entire career, because I got covid in 2021, from people who had stopped wearing masks because 'covid was over'. They got it. I got it from them. They survived and are fine. I barely survived and I very much am NOT fine.

This is why I'm so reluctant to take any more risk. Even if I survive, what else will I lose?

My ability to taste or smell? My muscle control? Will my heart condition get worse? Will I never be able to think clearly again? I already can't. How much worse can it get?

Sources seem to say: Much worse

I can't stress this enough that I am LUCKY to be where I am now. I can't function if I don't get more than 10 hours of sleep. I have to take medications every day to SURVIVE. At the end of my work day I pass right out, and wake up just in time to get ready for the next day at work. I do not have a life anymore. And I'm LUCKY, because I RECOVERED. THIS is what 'recovery' looks like, from long covid. It may get better over the next few years. It also might not. It DEFINITELY won't if I get covid again.

If YOU don't care about that, or about how that could happen to you, then I will never willingly be around you. Again, this even goes to my dear friends.

Wear a face mask and STOP being the problem

#vent #covid

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ultraviolet-explosion · 7 months

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Rick and Morty comic: (I think it was part of the bird person comics)

And also, let's not forget how jealous Rick's seemed when Birdperson got married, and how extremely drunk he was at his wedding.

And the fact that Rick risked his life to go into BP's mind and save him, even though he could die. And in "Rickternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mort" Birdperson and Rick has many small conversations, but this one stood out (to me): Birdperson says that people don’t get to choose who they love, and Rick responds with:“You got that right, why do you think I’m still fucking down here?”

This part: "You met me on my way to save a very old, very real friend after a lifetime of reality. I met you on your way to a fairy tale at Blood Ridge." Rick might have thought that BP would go along, and everything would be perfect.

Also the whole blood ridge scene... I mean, Rick opened up towards BP, he directly told him that he'd like to go on adventures with him, and be with him all the time. Blood ridge wasn't BP's big day, BP's big day was most likely his wedding, but I think it was Rick's big day... He probably got his heart broken in a way.

[ Rick: Come with me.

BP: To somewhere…nearby?

Rick: Anywhere. E-Everywhere.

BP: Rick, I don’t expect you to keep fighting, but this war is —

Rick: Far from over, I know. Dude, I share this with almost nobody, but… I could take you, right now, to this same battlefield, in a universe where we lost, or another where we won, or another where the war never even happened. All equally real, all equally unreal. None of it matters.

BP: Then why did you help?

Rick: Because I respect you. And I wanted you to know you could respect me.

BP: Even though nothing matters?

Rick: Okay. You matter — to me.

BP:Uh, the relationship that we have…

Rick: I never used that word! (This is embarrassment, the normal reaction to it.)

BP: …is not worth my integrity

Rick: It’s not a complicated transaction, my man. “Would you like to join me doing awesome shit that matters?” “No, I would not. I would rather be a judgmental dork.” Case closed. Really no need to drag it out.

BP: If you need me, use the beacon.

Rick: Yeah, I’m gonna use that beacon a lot. I hope — hope I don’t wear it out.]

There's no denying Birdrick.

#birdrick #rick and morty #bird person #rick #rick sanchez #you can't deny it

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vesemirsexual · 6 months

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Respectfully, I'm not sure how you can criticize Detlaff but still enjoy Yenralt. Yennefer is abusive?

I tossed up whether or not to answer this one, because I don't have any well-organised thoughts on it, mainly rough ideas that would probably be better in an over-arching piece of writing.

Two very important points before I say anything else (which I may or may not have said earlier when I started this blog, but may not have repeated since): I'm a survivor of severe domestic violence and abuse, leading to permanent injury and attempted homicide. While I've spent a lot of time working through this in therapy, and a lot of time learning about the theory behind abuse and violence, I don't personally subscribe to the idea that survivor = expert on the topic, and I fully admit that I think that it very likely skews thinking on these topics - there is always a risk that my views are not consistent when I analyse characters/relationships/situations, and I think that's unfortunately pretty typical when it comes to personal experiences/triggers/expectations. The second point I think is important: I don't think I'm the right person to break down/expand on "Yennefer is abusive" - I think that it would be a topic better handled by someone who could pull immediate in text examples, could talk about Sapkowski as a writer (was more familiar with his intentions/work as whole), and someone who could also relate the topic back to greater fandom culture.

My rough thoughts however are below! It's very much a "take it or leave it" scenario, and other things will probably occur to me later, but no matter what the tone of this ask was (because I'm choosing to take it in good faith) I do think you've hit on a very interesting topic!

• I think my first question would be: what do you consider abusive behaviour by Yennefer? I've seen a few examples before, but the only one that immediately comes to me is the throwing jars at Geralt during their attempted domestic arc. Just to be clear: yes, throwing things at someone/destroying things around them is abusive even if you don't touch them. Nothing else is immediately coming to me, but please do feel free to throw examples.

• I think for the most part acknowledge that Geralt is an extremely traumatised man: we have medical experimentation and malpractice at a young age (and notably, a critical stage of development), childhood abandonment and abuse, ostracisation from society (often escalated to a violent level), and an uncertain job in greater society that often leads to physical trauma and harm. People do acknowledge, but I find less frequently so, that Yennefer also clearly suffers from trauma: she experiences childhood abuse and trauma, abandonment from a mother, medical malpractice, suicide attempts and to some degree, social ostracisation as well. I think the difference is that Yennefer presents very differently to Geralt, wears her trauma in a less immediately visible way. Yennefer is, in some ways, the archtype of the "bad survivor" - her trauma doesn't make her softer or more relatable, and instead crafts her into a woman that can be incredibly hard, and often comes across as conniving and mean. The thing about their relationship throughout the saga is that they are both incredibly traumatised people trying to navigate a relationship who have poor modelling for healthy relationships, trauma existing from times of critical emotional development and no outside support that is capable of even beginning to reach these two and unpack that they really don't know how to behave in a way that we would consider healthy.

• I think Sapkowski always intended to show their relationship as troubled and turbulent, these two outsiders who had no idea how to love each other. I'm not necessarily sure that he meant to send it into the abusive category. I think it's worth pointing out that the short stories were written in the 1980's, and the saga by 1999 - information was not as readily available as it is now, and society (at least in a mainstream terms) was different. In terms of the throwing jars, I'm not sure that it would've read as "red flag abuser" and not instead another example of their clashing, their inability to co-exist. (Which is not to say that the behaviour is not abusive! I'm just not entirely sure that there was that intention behind it). (Also part of the reason I think that an analysis of this would be better done by someone much more familiar with Sapkowski).

• There's also the issue of timeline. The jar incident happens much earlier in their relationship, pre-dating Ciri, and before their final big break-up. Throughout the series, we see both of them grow, and frankly, we see them be much better to each other than they had been previously. Relating back to their deep-seated individual issues, I think it's really clear (at least to me) that the text is showing that these two people have to walk through this journey and learn how to love other people, learn how to sacrifice for other people, develop as people in order to be able to have any kind of relationship with each other.

• Unless I'm genuinely forgetting something, Yennefers abusive behaviour is early in their relationship, and we do not see examples of it again. Something rubs me the wrong way that people say that the earlier iterations of a character are abusive, but they don't apply that way of thinking to other characters (nearly male) - which I can see is a confusing sentence so I will expand. "Yennefer is abusive" - implies that Yennefer is abusive as a whole, that her behaviour does not change and evolve, and I think there's a strange implication there that abusers are incapable of not being abusers/learning their behaviour is wrong and modifying it/etc (which is quite a common thought process, and I've always found interesting for the whole Restorative Justice site). We don't see this with male characters repeated as much in the fandom. Dandelion is a good example; he has some fairly creepy moments in the books towards women. But if you were to say "Dandelion is a predator" or "Dandelion is a misogynist", I think you would find that people would be explaining that that was one blip in his character in the story, pulling quotes to show how he is supportive and good with women later (see: Milva, Angouleme). See the difference between "this character is [this thing]" versus "this character did [this thing] previously?"

• Yennefer as a whole gets ripped up in a way that male characters don't, and I will stand and die on that hill no matter how many times people challenge it. I think there's multiple reasons for this: fandom misogyny, fitting the "bad survivor" archtype as I've said previously, fitting the unlikable woman archtype, becoming a lightning rod for m/m ship frustrations...I don't think everyone who rips up Yennefer falls under the same category, and I don't think all criticism of Yennefer is wrong. But frankly - most people in the Witcher series are not good people. Most people have done things that are abusive, violent, bad, ugly, nasty or even just uncomfortable. I would be completely fine if someone had rough criticism for Yennefer that also carried across to every other character, but I have yet to see that.

• Detlaff/Syanna is harder to compare to Geralt/Yennefer for me, because we have less context about their relationship and persons. We know that Syanna is an abuse survivor, but we don't have much about Detlaff, his history, why he's like that or why he responds like that. What we do know is this: Syanna lied to Detlaff to have her abusers killed, Syanna disappeared, Syanna claims she disappeared because she knew that Detlaff would not let her leave if she said she was, Detlaff was angry enough with her to punish the entirety of Toussaint for her actions, Syanna faced him knowing that he would want to hurt or kill her, and that Detlaff did have every intention of killing Syanna. I think Detlaff gets a pass for a few reasons: hot older dude, the Regis connection (because I agree, Regis is very beloved, even if I do not think he would actually treat Syanna/that entire situation how TW3 proposed at all), and because people view Syanna breaking his heart/using him as the worst crime (This is a whole other topic about misogyny, internalised misogny, woman as users trope, and the creep of manosphere ass beliefs into not only society, but fandom spaces).

Anyway this ended up longer than I intended. This is definitely not all my thoughts on the topic, nor actually a very good representation of them as it's more an immediate brain dump.

#im not 100% happy with this write up and this might stir the pot but eh *throws it out there*#katie txt #tw abuse #tw domestic violence #long post #analysis #ask 2 tag #okay to interact with

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mesillusionssousecstasy · 7 months

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The Fall of the House of Usher : Quotes

"- And if anyone, anyone comes after us, we will exhaust our arsenal until the threat's neutralized. - By neutralized, do you mean sued into oblivion, taken out of the Board, out of the will, on the streets... - Neutralized. Like dead. (Episode 1)

"- Algorithms aren't high tech. They've been around since antiquity. An algorithm is just a finite sequence of all defined instructions to solve a problem, or perform a computation." (Episode 2)

"- Nothing worth having is ever easy." (Episode 2)

"- It's better, I promise, in the moment just before than in the moment after." (Episode 2)

"- We need to talk because when people ask, there are some things you absolutely cannot say." (Episode 3)

"- That's why we've a charity wing, so you paste someone's face on it." (Camille - Episode 3)

"- We remember that he did it, so he did it." (Episode 3)

"- Because opportunity doesn't give a fuck what you're going through." (Episode 3)

"- That's why they hate us. Not because we grabbed the opportunity, but because they didn't." (Episode 3)

"- Like, I make video games, you know? (Leo) - You don't make video games. You give money to people who make video games. No, no. An idea is nothing. An idea is fart that your brain makes. But if you patent an idea, well, then it's an asset. (Camille - Episode 3)

"- You're gonna do the smart thing and go back to your crossword puzzle or else I'll have you fired and sued." (Episode 3)

"- What's a six-letter word for "fucked"?" (Episode 3)

"- I'm gonna need you to tell me who the fuck you think you are." (Episode 3)

"- I can hear Camille's voice in my head right now. "Satin is silk for poor people, no one should wear it to a funeral, unless they died in it." Fuck's sake." (Leo - Episode 4)

"- The other go-to coping mechanism in my family. It's when you direct your more intense reactions towards something or someone that doesn't feel threatening. So you get to react and be angry, be abusive, be violent, even, but you don't risk significant consequences." (Episode 4)

"- Denial, displacement, projection." (Episode 4)

" - But see, I wanted something better. Something better for him. For all of them." (Episode 4)

"- A trait of mine that seemed to skip them somehow... sublimation. That is something that is one of the few coping mechanisms that's considered positive. Sublimation is when a person chooses to redirect strong emotions into an object or an activity that's appropriate and safe. So, instead of lashing out at your employees, you pour your energy into kickbox..." (Episode 4)

"- You drive a car like that, you make a statement. About who you are, where you're going, and how you get there." (Episode 4)

"- Now, let's get a drink, huh? It's gotta be noon somewhere." (Roderick - Episode 4)

"- Something in coke for you? You don't want the designer stuff. It's too dangerous." (Leo - Episode 4)

"- Are you mistaking me for a civilian? I'm not a fucking civilian." (Frederik - Episode 4)

"- You're not who I thought you were. Smart girls are only sex until they don't wanna fuck you, and then they're competition, and then what do you do? You take them down a peg." (Episode 5)

"- It's an opportunity. He's underestimated you. That's a gift. A failure of imagination. He sees you as formidable, he locks down, closes ranks, shuts the doors, battens the hatches. You are a face, you're not a mouthpiece, so just smile and shut the fuck up." (Episode 5)

"- Look, I'm shit at preambles. I made a life by getting to the point, so..." (Episode 5)

"- Why is this happening? - Life is insane. It is madness. The sooner you understand that, the better off you'll be." (Episode 6)

"- Reality's not what it used to be. All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream. For example.... As those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night. (Roderick) - Grandpa, are you okay? (Lenore) - I am. I'm fine. I'm just... It's been quite a week." (Roderick - Episode 6)

"- Men have called me mad But the question is not yet settled. As to whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence." (Episode 6)

"- Shut your mouth, get your shit together. The fuck is wrong with you?" (Episode 6)

"- I don't know anything about anything." (Episode 6)

"- Men are as stupid as they are simple. You're better off. Oh, my God, my first husband. I thought I missed him, but that was just this temporary insanity. This burp your heart goes through. He was fun to ride. Boy. Men, when they think they're immortal, all they want to do is fuck. When they figure out they're going to die, all they want to do is fuck. (Madeline - Episode 6)

"- You don't have to be a tyrant, but if you don't want to be consistently cruel, then you have to be sufficiently brutal at least once to establish authority." (Episode 7)

"- Everything has a price. Every negotiation's a point of entry. Every deal is simply an expression of will. Mutual will." (Episode 7)

"- You're a collection of impeccable, elaborate masks in orbit of a stunted heart. And I understand. You find an adversary, you kill them. You find a hurdle, you jump it or dismantle it. You find a locked door, you pry it open." (Episode 7)

"- Don't be stupid. Can you imagine what that would look like? My own wife trying to get off my own drug. It's a PR nightmare." (Roderick - Episode 7)

"- All soaked with feelings of absolute desperation and dread." (Episode 7)

"- Basically, the closest analogy I can think of is a fish being pulled out of water, only at least the fish gets to die." (Roderick - Episode 7)

"- So, I will take there years of hell over a lifetime with you." (Juno - Episode 7)

"- He and I share that as well. We both understand that... language in its highest expression is musical. What's a poem, after all, if not a safe space for a difficult truth. So there is a limit. (Verna) - No, it's not a limit, it's a standard." (Episode 8)

"- I don't want it, any of it, if it involves serving at some man's pleasure." (Madeline - Episode 8)

"- One of my favorite things about human beings. Starvation, poverty, disease, you could fix all that, just with money. But everyone loves something. And that love there's collateral. (Verna) - No. I have no collateral. Collateral is leverage. And I won't be leveraged. No man or woman has leveraged me in 70 years of life. And I'm not going to cede that ground, not this close to the end." (Arthur Pym - Episode 8)

#the fall of the house of usher #the fall of the house of usher quotes #quotes #citation #house usher #roderick usher #netflix #netflix series

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