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#and combined with her personality/way of talking i was like 'oh clearly she's a robot chihiro made'

n0bamak1s · 3 years

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mutual - mai zenin x reader

request: “Could you write mai x non-binary s/o, where mai is realizing that she has a crush on s/o, it'd be funny to see her reaction when the s/o get asked by todo before they spar, abt the kind of woman s/o like, and s/o just shrug and answer 'mai, i guess'.” - @814519

summary: reader seems to take a liking to mai, who refuses to acknowledge her schoolgirl crush on them, and todo somehow manages to be the one to get them to stop dancing around their feelings for each other. (genre: fluff, mutual pining, slice of life-y)

warnings: swearing, mentions of fighting, mostly just fluff

word count: 2.7k

a/n: i’m sorry to take a long ass hiatus again but i have some fics i’m working on rn!! thank you all sm for being so patient with how slow i can be T_T btw this one includes some very mild miwa x reader as well just as a heads up lol!

when you first transferred schools in order to master your cursed technique, your first instinct was to raise an eyebrow at your classmates. the lineup of students in your school consisted of a boy who might as well be a bodybuilder, a blonde girl whose hair seemed to defy gravity, an awkward looking stoic boy clad in traditional clothing, a girl with a gun holster on the side of her baggy pants who wore a bored expression as her gaze met yours, and a normal looking blue haired girl standing next to some rusty looking robot. with all their strange hairstyles and odd clothing choices, combined with how nonchalant they were about their mechanical companion, they might as well be the cast of some forgotten sitcom from the 80s.

after introducing yourself to your stiff new classmates, you were whisked away to be led to your dorm by the blue haired girl (would you call her a “bluenette”?) who you learned was called miwa. as you walked, you asked her questions about her cursed technique, to which she sheepishly smiled and explained how she was the most “useless” of the students.

in response to her shameless self deprecation, you simply scoffed and sent an easy smile her way. “you really shouldn’t beat yourself up like that miwa, if you do it’ll be much easier for your opponents to.” despite the teasing nature of your words, you really did hope you’d managed to encourage her a bit.

miwa turned to you with bright eyes and a sincere smile. “that means a lot, really! it’ll be so nice to have an upperclassman here who isn’t so intimidating. i’m always so nervous to ask mai for help with stuff, so it’s nice to know you believe in me!”

her smile was infectious as you mirrored your junior’s facial expression. “there’s no need to be scared of them you know, believe me, just because they’re older doesn’t mean they have any idea what they’re doing.”

she shrugged in response. “i guess you might be right, this morning mai was practically shaking in her boots about getting to meet you, so maybe it’s all just a tough facade!”

you thought back to the girl who had introduced herself as mai.

what first caught your eye was the way she carried herself. while next to her other classmates as she introduced herself to you, arms crossed over her chest and back straight, as if it was an attempt to look high and mighty. rather than a proper introduction, she simply told you her name, before looking away boredly. the both of you chose to ignore the way todo teased her, before turning to introduce himself with a smug smile. he opened his mouth to seemingly ask you something, but was quickly cut off by mai stomping on his foot, sending him a harsh look. she glanced back at you with a slightly softer expression and a monotone apology for “his idiocy.”

you chuckled quietly at the idea of the girl who presented herself as so blunt and cold getting all nervous at the idea of your arrival.

breaking you out of your reminiscence, miwa waved her hands in front of her nervously as she turned to you. “just please don’t tell her i said that!” her guilty expression rivaled that of a kid who’d been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

before she could continue in her nervous exclamation about how intimidated she was by her senior, you grabbed her hands that had been motioning wildly to match her words. “don’t worry miwa, i’d never sell you out like that.” you let out a small chuckle as you examined the genuine worry on her face, to which she just sheepishly smiled. it was funny to you how scared she seemed of her seniors, but it couldn’t help you from getting an odd urge to want to protect the small girl.

“besides,” your smile turned sly “, if what you say is true, i bet mai would be too shy to even talk to me!” a loud laugh escaped your lips as you continued your way down the dorm halls with long strides. behind you, miwa sped up when remembering she was supposed to be the one escorting you to your dorm.

“come on, that’s not fair to hang it over my head like that!” she whined as she managed to match your pace.

as miwa trailed ever so slightly behind you, you caught sight of a newly familiar head of dark hair (under the fluorescent lighting you couldn’t entirely tell whether it was green or black.)

“mai!” you called out to the girl you’d been newly acquainted with, raising one hand in greeting and slinging the other around your very embarrassed looking juniors shoulders.

the girl you’d shouted to turned to you with heavy lidded eyes that gave her face a bored, almost annoyed, expression. her turning your way was quickly followed by todo, who you guessed had been standing next to her, glancing over the hallway corner to meet your gaze. those two made an odd pair, from what you could tell. in contrast to mai’s impassive greeting, todo had introduced himself with booming confidence, before going on to complain to utahime that he’d have to leave in order to make it back to his dorm to score tickets for a concert featuring takeda. in the moment, you had to stifle a laugh at the memory of such an intimidating looking dude having a huge crush on an idol with absolutely no shame about it.

mai opened her mouth to say something, but was quickly cut off by todos roaring voice. “hey new kid!” his demeanor had been as confident as you remember, despite the fact that you were pretty sure he’d forgotten your name in the short time from when you had left to see your dorm. you gave him a smile and a lopsided wave in response.

“did you snag those tickets you were worried about earlier todo?”

“easily.” he bragged as if you cared about getting a pair of tickets for yourself. “however, earlier i meant to ask you a question, but SHE,” he pointed a thumb annoyedly at his companion, “very rudely interrupted me by stepping on my foot.”

“todo…” mai’s tone seemed warning as her eyes flickered between you and him.

“as much as i would LOVE to hear what your question is todo, i really do have to go unpack” you smiled abashedly, pulling miwa to your side, who nodded with wide eyes at how unphased you were.

“it might be better to ask when we spar later.” he shrugged. “that way i can really hear your impulse answer.” he crossed his arms, clearly to look intimidating.

“works for me! i’ll see you then too, mai.” you winked at her as you tugged miwa along behind you. mai huffed at your embarrassing show of flirtatiousness, but you didn’t miss the slight flush of her cheeks as she turned from you while rounding the corner.

even as you were close to the door of your dorm at the end of the hall, you could still hear mai berating todo for how embarrassing he was.

“i think she likes me.” a cat like grin overtook your face as you stopped in front of your dorm.

“utahime said your uniform would be folded on your bed, once you’re changed you can join us for sparring.” miwa smiled bashful smile. she’d probably chosen to ignore your previous statement in hopes of not being dragged into any drama.

“thanks miwa!” you grinned and gave her a friendly pat on the shoulder, to which she simply looked away timidly.

“it’s no problem, really.” she waved off your appreciation. “but between the two of us, i think you may be right about mai liking you.”

she bowed before running off, probably to get ready for sparring, leaving you grinning like an idiot in response to her revelation.

maybe the feeling was kinda mutual.

you were quick to change into your all black uniform pants and jacket, then breaking into a stride to the yard where sparring took place. that was, until you realized you were wandering rather aimlessly considering, you know, you didn’t really know where the yard was yet. peering around the hallway, your eye caught on an oh so familiar girl adorned in baggy black pants.

“hey mai!” you almost had it in you to feel bad for approaching her yet again.

almost.

“i’m kinda lost, d’you think i could walk with you?”

she nodded a yes in response, motioning with a hand for you to follow her.

after a one too many moments of awkward silence, you decided you’d have to be the one to bite the bullet and break it. “you know that thing todo was saying earlier about having a question he needed to ask me?” she looked up in a way that made her seem as if she’d just been brought out of being lost in her thoughts.

“what of it?”

“do you happen to know what it was? he seemed pretty serious about it.” well, as serious as todo could get.

to your surprise, mai attempted to stifle a chuckle, before a laugh managed to slip past her.

“it’s this totally dumb thing he likes to do.” she tilted her head slightly back so she looked at the ceiling as she talked. “to size people up, he likes to ask them what their type in women is.”

you let out a snort as you laughed, though you couldn’t say you were surprised.

“he seems like such a hopeless romantic, it’s hilarious.”

“yeah.” a soft smile painted her face. “but you’d better get an answer ready, if he thinks you’re too boring he’ll beat your ass.”

“really now?” you raised an eyebrow, to which she nodded in confirmation. “what does he classify as ‘boring’?”

she shrugged. “depends. whenever someone prefers personality he either beats the shit out of them or starts crying.” it was clear in her tone how exasperated her friend made her.

“what did you say? when he asked you?” you turned to face her fully, which made her realize how close together your faces were. for just a beat, she paused to examine your expression. despite your earlier teasing, you seemed sincere in your question. either you were oblivious to the blush spreading across her face, or you chose not to tease her for it.

before an answer could leave her parted open lips, she was interrupted by a voice calling both of your names.

“hey toshinori!” you smiled at the stone faced boy in front of you as you used mai’s shoulder as an armrest.

“it’s noritoshi.” the monotony in his voice made you stifle a laugh. “and you guys are running late for sparring, what were you even doing?”

her eyes glowered in his direction, clearly not in the mood to play hall monitor with him. “i was just being welcoming to our new classmate.”

he ignored her passive aggressive response and turned to you. “todo keeps asking where you are, so you might wanna hurry up.” with a swift turn, he began walking down the hallway with long strides.

once he seemed out of earshot, you burst into laughter, and from your arm you could feel mai’s shoulders shake from repressing a giggle.

“he walks like a goddamn penguin!” you referred to how his arms were wide at his sides and his stiff steps.

“him and mechamaru walk the exact same way, i’m starting to think he might just be a more advanced robot.” her dry tone was combatted by the way the corners of her mouth turned up in a lopsided grin.

“though, we should probably get going, even if i get a pass for being new here, i’m not sure how utahime would react to you being late.”

you didn’t notice how her eyes softened at your concern for her as you beckoned for her to lead the way.

“i don’t think she’d mind, after all utahime loves me for my pep and bubbly spirit.” her voice oozed with sarcasm while you smiled to yourself about how you’d managed to get her to loosen up.

the walk to the sparring field was quick, and it made you wonder how much time you two had taken just talking at the end of the hallway. you were greeted by the sight of your strangely styled classmates (plus the literal robot) beginning to split into pairs. before you could turn to mai with the question of partnering up, you were greeted by a todo with a firm hand on your shoulder.

“we’re partnering up, new kid!” it was more of a declaration than an offer. you smiled awkwardly as his shadow enveloped your figure, seeing mai be whisked away by momo out of the corner of your eye. if you’d looked close enough, you’d have been able to see the annoyed look mai sent at todo and the smug smile momo flashed at mai and her obvious display of jealousy.

you planted your feet on the ground that was caked in dust and prepared yourself into a fighting stance, with fists raised and legs steady. though it seemed you’d gotten prepared to defend from an attack that wasn’t coming. instead, todo marched over to you confidently. mai glanced over from her sparring, knowing exactly what was coming.

he called your name in his usual booming voice, which you were surprised he actually knew.

“what is your type in women?” he towered over you, his expression dead serious despite his absolutely ridiculous question.

feeling mai’s eyes trailing you, you glanced over to her. she mouthed something to you about not saying personality. you failed to hold back a chuckle, which seemed to snap todo out of his intimidating glower.

his gaze followed yours, which was still focused on mai for the briefest of moments.

“ohhhh i get it…you’ve got a thing for mai, huh?” he sounded like a child about to blackmail their sibling.

a furious blush overtook mai’s face practically instantly, while momo covered her mouth with a hand to suppress a laugh. you glanced between a boastful looking todo and a tomato looking mai.

“yeah i guess you could say she’s my type.” you shrugged nonchalantly, to which you could hear mai sputtering something about how you were just trying to embarrass her. miwa had a sheepish look on her face as she walked over to check on mai, though it only seemed to make her more flustered when miwa asked if she wanted to go to the nurse.

while witnessing the admittedly charming trainwreck happening in front of you, there was a moment for you to look back at todo.

“are you CRYING?”

“i have no shame in it. it’s like mai is my daughter and i’m walking her down the aisle at her wedding.”

“it’s absolutely nothing like that, todo.”

he ignored your blatant confusion at his reaction. “young love is so beautiful. you have my full blessing to date mai.” he sniffles and wiped his nose, then held it out for you to shake, to which you scrunched your nose in disgust.

“thanks for the ‘blessing’ and all, but now that we’re done with that, i think i should go spar with lover girl over there.” you threw your thumb over your shoulder to point to mai.

“you guys should join me and takeda for a double date! we can arrange a date once she finally answers my calls.” todo had a large grin, shameless about his tear stained cheeks.

“how about it?” you raised an eyebrow at mai, who had become significantly more composed in the time you hadn’t been looking in her direction.

“absolutely not.” she deadpanned, though her impassive look didn’t last very long as she leaned over to whisper in your ear, cracking a small smile reserved for you. “i’d rather we just hang out without that oaf, you know it’s embarrassing for them to see how you get me acting like a schoolgirl with her first crush.”

the moment paused for a split second for her to glance at todo, who was staring you down like a disapproving father.

“plus lord knows takeda isn’t answering him anytime soon.”

“I HEARD THAT!”

#mai zenin x reader #mai zenin imagine #mai zenin x you #zenin mai x reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk headcanons #mai zenin #zenin mai #jjk imagines

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ladyloveandjustice · 3 years

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Spring 2021 anime overview: Quick Takes

Now for my Spring 2021 anime thoughts! I’ve decided from now on if a season’s like, 20- to-24 episodes I’m just going to wait ‘til it’s done to review it unless I feels super passionately, so though I watched To Your Eternity (it’s good!) and MHA (eh), I’ll comment on them next time. Also, for the record, I watched the first eight eps of Joran: Princess and Snow of Blood but I dropped it because it had clearly crossed the line from entertainingly dumb to boring dumb.

I will probably give Supercub and some other stuff a shot later, this was a stacked season! May give updates on all that later, but this is what I have for now.

ODDTAXI

Quick Summary: A mild mannered middle-aged walrus taxi driver is drawn into a case involving a missing girl, yakuza, Youtube clout-chasers, manzai comedians and idols with big secrets.

It’s rare to walk away from media and be like “that is a singular experience I will definitely never see repeated again” but ODDTAXI is definitely one of those. A tense noir thriller murder mystery starring cartoon animals that spends an entire episode detailing the one (cat)man’s very fall into darkness triggered by addiction to gacha games and an online auction for a novelty eraser? Also there’s a porcupine Yakuza who speaks entirely in rap? Also there’s tons of meandering conversations about stuff like manzai comedy and the struggle to go viral on Twitter?

Admittedly, I had a hard time getting into the first episode, the dry meandering humor not being enough to hold my attention while I was sitting still, but once I watched this while I was working out at the end of the season, I found it an easy binge. A ton of characters with dark secrets or dangerous ambitions, each with their own part to play in a tableau of intersecting events- and it all actually comes together really well.(As for the female characters, it’s a pretty dude driven story, but they do get nuanced characterization and even some good heroic moments from one of them.)

It’s a great example of a carefully planned narrative paying off, with all the twists appropriately seeded and foreshadowed to reward viewers who paid attention. Even when it ended on a perfect “OH SHIT” moment and denied me closure, I couldn’t help but respect it. If you that all sounds interesting to you, definitely check out the first couple episodes and see if you like it- you’re likely to have a memorable, satisfying experience!

Shadows House

Quick Summary: Emilyko is a ‘living doll’ who’s told she was created to act as the ‘face’ of her shadow master, Kate. The shadows and their ‘dolls’ all reside on the mansion and are required to pass a ‘debut’ to prove they’re a good pairing. If they don’t pass, they might be disposed of. And so the mystery of the Shadow mansion grows...

This slice of gothic intrigue was my favorite of the season, tied with ODDTAXI. With an interesting premise, slightly tense undertones and a strong focus on character building and relationships, it kept me hooked the whole way through. And for any squeamish fans put off by the hype about it, don’t worry, while there are some suspenseful elements, I wouldn’t qualify it as horror. I thought the relationship between Kate and Emilyko might end up being a completely sinister one, but it’s thankfully a lot more complex than that and it’s really interesting to follow how both their characters and relationship grow. The focus of the show is, unsurprisingly, on the “dolls” slowly discovering their autonomy and personhood as they struggle under the rigid system imposed on them by the mysterious elders of this weird Victorian mansion. Can they develop a more equitable relationship with their shadow “masters” (who are also shown to suffer under this system)? There’s a lot to dig into there, and the show has the characters develop through learning to understand and appreciate each other, which is pretty heartwarming. Our hero, Emilyko, is the typical plucky ball of sunshine (they even nickname her sunshine), but she’s also shown to be clever in her own off-the-wall way and she bounces off the far more subdued and cynical Kate well, not to mention the other ‘dolls’ she ends up befriending.

What’s more, the show spends plenty of time to developing several other character pairings and combinations, and they all have their own interesting dynamic that makes you want to see more of them. Same-gender bonds are at the forefront of this show, and many of them are ripe for queer readings (I definitely appreciated the healthy helping of ladies carrying ladies), but even outside that it’s nice to see a show where a strong, complex bond between girls is at the forefront. My only real complaints about the show are the anime original ending is noticeably a bit rushed (though it’s not too bad, and leaves room for a season 2) and I wish the animation used the whole “shadow” theme more strikingly (like the opening and endings do)- instead the colors are a bit washed out which makes the shadows blend into the background sometimes. The “debut” arc also drags a bit in places, but it makes up for it by having a lot of good character integration.

I hope to check out the (full color)! manga soon and see more of this quirky, shadowy story. There’s some physical abuse depicted, sad things happening to characters and naturally the whole “oppressive familial system” thing, but otherwise not much I can think of to warn about. I give this one a big rec, especially If you’re a fan of gothic fairytales and stories of self discovery.

Zombie Land Saga Revenge

Quickest summary: In this sequel season, everyone’s favorite zombie idol group must claw their way back into prominence after a disastrous show- the fate of the Saga prefecture LITERALLY depends on it!

This was a fun follow-up to the first season- if you liked the first zombie-girl romp, you’ll probably enjoy this one. In fact, there were a couple areas it improved on- namely, Kotaro failed, ate crow and embarrassed himself a lot more this season, which made him more likeable (as did the fact the girls gained a lot of independence from him). This season also shed more light on what the ‘goal’ of this zombie raising project is and what kind of shit Kotaro got involved with to make this happen, and it’s appropriately off-the-wall and ridiculous. We finally got some backstory for Yugiri too! I wish it had focused on more of her interiority, but she got to be a badass in it, and it was a treat to see this zombie idol show turn into a period piece for a couple episodes (also her song ruled).

Tae also got a cute focus episode and there was a particular SMASHING performance early on! Also That revelation last season that had the potential to turn creepy hasn’t yet, and hopefully never will. The finale was heartwarming with big hints of more drama to come- I’m definitely down for more zombie hijinks!

Vivy: Flourite Eye’s Song

Quickest Summary: A songstress AI named DIVA (nicknamed Vivy) is approached by another AI named Matsumoto, who says he’s from the future and they must work together to prevent AI exterminating all of humankind 100 years from now.

This show is absolutely gorgeous visually with some really nice action scenes, but when it comes to the story my feelings basically amount to a shrug. It’s fine! I guess! Vivy starts out as an interesting layered character- and I guess still is by the end- with her stoic but stubborn determination bouncing off her fast-talking bossy partner Matsumoto well. She never listens to him, which is delightful. The way the show took place over the course of 100 years was an interesting conceit as well. However, it bought up a lot of themes and then sort of... dropped them. For instance, Vivy interprets her mission (PRIME DIRECTIVE if you will) as protecting humans at all costs, no matter how destructive said humans are or what their fate is supposed to be, and is perfectly willing to murder her fellow androids to do this, showing she inherently thinks of androids (herself and her own people!) as less worthy. Which is a little alarming! There’s a very dramatic point in the show where they bring this up as a potential conflict for her character but then it’s sort of...dropped. Pretty much.

Actually, despite the premise, the show doesn’t dip into the “AI rights” as much as you think it would with the main theme being more about Vivy’s search to find her own creativity and discover what it means to ‘pour your heart into something’. Vivy herself doesn’t actually care if she has rights or anything. Which is in some ways fine, because ‘AI as an oppressed class’ has been done to death, but IT’S ALSO KIND OF IN THE PREMISE, so that means that the show just shrugs really hard at a lot of the questions it brings up basically just going “humans and AI should work together probably” and that’s it. There’s a lot that feels underexplored. The antagonists in the show also either have motivations that don’t really make sense or have boring hackneyed motivations. In the finale in particular, it feels like a lot of things happen “just because” and it falls a little flat.

I also have to warn that one of the arcs focus on a robot ‘pairing’ where the dude-coded robots actions toward his partner are straight up awful and rob her of her autonomy, but it’s played like a tragic love story. I suppose you could read it differently too, but it definitely made me go ‘ew’ the story seemed to want me to sympathize with this robo dude,

Overall, I wouldn’t anti-recommend this show, it’s an all right little sci-fic romp (and definitely SUPER pretty). My favorite element was definitely the episodes where Vivy develops an entirely new (an loveable) personality, because it played with the idea of of an AI getting “rebooted” really well and interplay between her two “selves” was done really well. But there are a lot of other parts of the show that just feel...a little underexplored and empty, making me have an ‘eh’ feeling on the show overall. It’s definitely an ambitious project, and while it didn’t quite stick the landing, there’s something to be said for a show that shoots for the stars and falls short over a show that just languishes in mediocrity.

Fruits Basket The Final

Quick summary: The final season of that dramatic drama about that weird family with a zodiac curse and the girl who loves them.

It’s very weird that after not cutting a lot out, they kinda sped through some material for, you know, the finale. I guess they thought they couldn’t stretch this final arc to 26 episodes? Or weren’t cleared for another double cour? However, though there were a couple places that felt awkward, despite being a bit condensed it mostly held together pretty well for a D R A M A T I C and ultimately heartwarming conclusion. I was really disappointed they kept the part where Ritsu cut their hair for the ‘happy ending’, I thought their intro episode not showing them in men’s clothes meant the anime had decided their presentation didn’t need to be “fixed” but WELL I GUESS NOT. That was the only big upset for me though, otherwise the adaptation went about how I expected, sticking to the source material. Furuba has a lot of bumps, from weird age gap stuff to ...gender, but it also has a lot of important feels and great character arcs. It was a gateway shoujo for many and has its important place in animanga history, so I’m glad it finally got a shiny, full adaptation.

#anime overview #spring 2021 anime #shadows house #oddtaxi #zombie land saga #fruits basket #vivy: fluorite eye's song #zombie land saga revenge #fruits basket the final #anime #my reviews #long post

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sepublic · 3 years

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Escaping Expulsion!

LUMITY! LUMITY DEVELOPMENT! LUZ REALIZING HER CRUSH!!!!

Amity calling her MY Luz… Amity and Luz back-to-back! Playing tricks together that’s so ADORABLE!

There’s so much to this episode, I… I…!

Gus! His growth spurt will take a lot getting used to, it’s like watching your favorite kids grow up… At this point he may as well go back to Augustus! And Perry, I love seeing more of him!

WILLOW’S DADS! They’re GOOD parents I tell you, they talk a lot about grounding or whatever, but then IMMEDIATELY drop their jobs for Willow’s sake!? To home-school her, to have fun! GOOD PARENTS! And the Glasses Dad, he’s a really chill dude, sees Willow going behind the back and is like “I won’t tell!” Nice. VERY nice…!

BUMP! Not only do we get confirmation that he’s in the Abomination Coven, BUT HE’S A SWEETIE! He’s an utter sweetheart! This really all adds to my headcanon that he felt bad about what happened with Eda, and I bet he was being reminded a LOT of that when he had to get rid of Luz, Willow, and Gus… At least with Eda she more or less left of her own volition, but these kids WANT to come back! I love this principal and his layers… Also Frewin’s tail moving?

I agree with Alador, and I find it hilarious that he doesn’t seem to understand Frewin that much either… Or he does but he’s still curious! Al IS interesting like Odalia said… Not exactly a good parent, but he is a man of his word! Also WOW he looks like an utter mess, nothing like the prim and proper noble we all expected! I guess Alador from Amity’s flashback was in dress clothes for Amity’s birthday and all that… But yeah he IS fascinating as Dana said! I guess he is the inventor as some people suspected…

His whole demeanor matches his brief depiction in YBOS pretty well; Looking like he’s mostly just kind of THERE, just kind of chilling for the ride. Has his head in the clouds and focuses on the inventions, on the technical know-how, on carrying out the orders and seeing them through, while Odalia is the leader who instructs things- Just as we suspected! I can already see the neurodivergent Alador headcanons… If Amity is autistic, does she get it from him?

ODALIA… Ugh. I mean, she’s about as rancid as we all expected, but it’s interesting that she DOES listen to Alador, so there is still that respect there! But JEEZ, she’s an attempted child murderer?! Goes back on her word!? I have to wonder if Alador was the original Blight actually, and Odalia was the one who married in; That, or Alador just has actual integrity and acts as like… The second voice who helps rein in Odalia and remind her of things every now and then. Interesting… But yeah, I loathe her!

Of course, back to Al- He may not necessarily be so great himself. He does seem to prefer the easy path, the path of least resistance; He adapts to Amity standing up to him and Odalia by instead considering how she could replace the current Abomination Head one day… Which makes sense, that’s HIS expertise, and daughter takes after father! And Odalia really is an Oracle as we thought… Oracle magic for spying, makes sense, but that necklace…

UGH… Remember when we all liked that necklace! How we thought it was SO CUTE? How Amity wore it at first in Adventures in the Elements… But then she rarely wore her casual outfit? WELL NOW WE KNOW… Here’s hoping the intro changes to remove the necklace, but WOW I was genuinely feeling sick in my stomach when I saw that!

And Odalia and Alador are even WORSE, because they’re literally arms-manufacturers! Do I even need to explain why that’s awful? But I’m really having a lot of fun with the idea of Abominations as robotics; I’d considered the idea of Abominations melding with Automatons, and the show just confirms and validates that! I love this show… I have to wonder if we’ll see Amity and the Abomination Head interact more? And I like how Abominations is basically shape-shifting and form-changing, but applied to a magical goop that Abomination Witches can control…

Belos and the Golden Guard! More worldbuilding- Of course Belos is monopolizing and taking things into his own control, he’s expanding his influence! And of course, as Golden Guard pointed out- Not only does he want soldiers –glad we’ll see more of these Abomination things in practice- but also… He doesn’t want anyone raising a private army against him; Which again fits with how Belos operates!

But the way Odalia and Alador look at one another… WERE they intending to raise a private army? Or were they always open to selling out to the highest bidder- With their desire to install Amity as the new Abomination Head, we might see them ally with a rebellion, but for their OWN purposes… With how their audience and customer base was cloaked, they may have been unknowingly selling to people with a vested interest and stake in taking down Belos!

EDA AND LILITH! This show once again confirms my read on glyphs; Not containing magic, but more commanding the magic around them! Lilith is SO smart, figuring out how it works… And YES, I love delving into the mechanics! How glyphs are about COMMUNICATION with the Isles, that calls back to Adventures in the Elements! I wonder then if Belos can communicate with the isles too, possibly through glyphs…

But we get more insight into their dynamic! Eda was always that talented kid, so she could always breeze the basics and get right into experimentation! It was good for critical thinking, but as we see, she can be really hyperactive and impatient… And of course, this frustrates Lilith, who is very stoic and rule-bound! God she was adorable this episode, how she clearly wants validation… She really is the embodiment of “My child is fine!” “Your child was a pleasure to have in class.” Couldn’t get validation from Gwen, so Lilith went to teachers…

AND JEEZ, no wonder Belos’ approval meant so much to her! Maybe like Marcy and Andrias from Amphibia, Lilith kind of latched onto Belos as a potential found family figure for her… But as we know, she still had her own desires and wants because she IS a person and not a mindless drone.

BUT YES, I love the show delving into how Lilith and Eda work as different people! Lilith is by-the-book, and Eda recognizing that Lilith’s methods have value, because Eda is really out of her own element here. I love seeing Eda experiment with glyphs, just the way they experiment with glyphs- I’m glad it’s not just Luz! Also it’s interesting… The show seems to imply that there really are only four glyphs in existence; Light, Ice, Fire, and Plant! That’s a shame because I’d have liked to see more glyphs in the future, just a few more…

BUT YEAH, this hearkens back to that shot of Luz combining Glyphs in the trailer, and I’ve always hoped that mashing Glyphs can unlock more complex spells! I love this kind of worldbuilding where basic elements are combined in certain ways to yield more specific things, it’s making my worldbuilding brain buzz happily! And I love Luz just freely giving out stars… Lilith is SUCH an Elsa, and her friendship with Hooty is adorable! And here’s hoping that Eda uses that messed-up spell anyway, against enemies…

Overall this was an AMAZING EPISODE, so strong! Luz isn’t dense, like Alador she’s just distracted… Oh dang, maybe my Luz and Alador parallels idea wasn’t so far off? BUT YES this show promises and delivers through on these characters! I do wish we got to see more of Willow’s thought process about Odalia and Alador interrupting her life again, but with how the episode is already jam-packed with glyph lore AND Luz’s own thing, and I can see why they had to leave it out-

But give her some more spotlight, please! I wouldn’t be surprised if some things had to be cut out thanks to Disney downsizing the show… Also again, it’s interesting that based on what this episode implied; The Plant Coven is the ONLY Coven to have such a close basis in nature. If there are only four glyphs in nature, theoretically there should only be four main covens…

Belos, your system is beginning to look even MORE sketchy now! And dang, the revelations, the lore, the reveals… Not much of Emira and Edric alas, but what we got was short and sweet, and I love how they felt the need to be nice but also sneak in a prank, but Amity just sees them! And also CAT ABOMINATION, the fanart came through!

And Amity just immediately recognizing her girlfriend’s work to figure out Luz was there, I love it so much! Overall, an AMAZING episode that blew my expectations out of the water! Now after this we have Echoes of the Past, which promises even MORE in regards to King! I love that these characters are getting a lot of focus now.

Also it just occurred to me, but yeah- Edric’s occasional air-headed moments, Emira being a bit more bossy and strict… As we all speculated, they get it from their respective parents!

(Also Hop Pop cameo I see you TOH crew.)

#the owl house #the owl house luz #luz noceda #lumity #the owl house amity #amity blight #the owl house odalia #odalia blight #the owl house alador #alador blight #the owl house eda #edalyn clawthorne #the owl house lilith #lilith clawthorne #the owl house gus #augustus porter

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lizacstuff · 3 years

Note

Your thoughts on the first episode of the new season? And can we talk about all those parallels? Also I'm loving the summer vibes!

I'm LIVING for the summer vibes! Doesn't everything feel like a breath of fresh air? I definitely feel like new life has been injected into the series. And that new location is so beautiful, I LOVE IT.

As for the episode, I thought it was masterfully done. You could tell Ayse was back and bringing the perfect mix of comedy, romance and drama. And the sparkle! The show sparkles again. The almost two and half hours flew buy, I was on the edge of my seat, and the performances from Hande and Kerem were amazing. Plus I just adore every moment between Serkan and his new nemesis (aka his secret daughter).

On the sober side, I don't care how jerky Serkan got while battling cancer, or how he may have pushed her away, nothing they've shown us so far even begins to justify Eda not telling him about Kiraz, and it certainly doesn't justify her continuing to lie when he's standing right in front of her making overtures (and her daughter is clearly longing for her father). Obviously, there are still many things we don't know and I'm sure there are many flashbacks to come, and Eda has been though so much, but still...I don't see how they will thread that needle and have Eda come out unscathed.

That being said, with this first episode they executed this story so well and it really does give new life to the series, so I won't dwell on the fact that Eda never would have done this. Never. We just have to move past it, accept that it's a soap opera plot device designed to give us an amazing second season packed with all sorts of amazing scenes and just enjoy every minute while it lasts.

(More under the cut)

I'll get to more on Edser later, as for everyone else... silliness abounds.

First... Erdem cheated on Leyla? WHAT!?!?! With whom? But I guess that was a clean way to explain Leyla leaving.

Engin and Piril, I love that Engin is staying home with their son, and that young actor is a cutie! As for Piril... GRRRRRR... she is still on my shitlist. Last time it was for betraying Eda (and Serkan) by enabling Selin's reign of terror, this time it's by betraying her friend and business partner Serkan! Good grief. If Piril just found out recently at the start of this project I could accept on her holding off because it's not her secret to run off and tell, but what I can't accept is her actively working against Serkan finding out. Even if in this episode she had gently said to Eda... "do you think maybe it's time you told him?" it would be a lot easier to swallow... but nope! She's acting like it would be the end of the world if Serkan found out. I sincerely hope that when everyone finds out and Engin finds out Piril knew, it causes problems between them. She deserves that.

She remains my second least favorite character. Who was my least favorite character this episode? Oh you know! Awful Ayfer is back! We got a reprieve from her in the last arc, but she's back to her annoying, controlling, Serkan-hating ways. Eda is a mother, an international award-winning landscape architect and business owner and she still has to lie to Ayfer because she's such a pain-in-the-ass? Watching her is going to be a trial.

Even though it feels like both Aydan and Ayfer were reset to zero character development, and Aydan has done worse (keeping the fact that Serkan was alive from Eda) I still find her a much easier character to take. Probably because Neslihan is a much better comedic actress, so she's a lot more entertaining. But... Aydan's been with Kemal for 5 years and hasn't told Serkan? WHY? I can't believe Kemal didn't give her an ultimatum years ago. I was loving, however, Serkan being in the way for both Aydan/Kemal and Engin/Piril. GOOD. Those people caused problems for him at one point or another or were in the way, it was nice to see him return the favor. I like Kemal and am still hoping they'll do a parallel "not knowing your father thing" and reveal he's Serkan's bio dad while Serkan is finding out he had a child he never knew about.

Melo and Seyfi were their awesome supportive, funny selves. It was great to see both of them, I'm so glad they stayed.

As for the new characters, love the kids. The new hotel manager is apparently ditzy and starstruck over Serkan, and I don't really understand how she's going to be integrated into the cast, but I love that she was used as a device to show us that Serkan has zero interest in any woman who is not Eda Yildiz. Eda's assistant seems like he'll be a fine side character. As for Burak, he seems harmless, obviously he has feeling for Eda that she does not reciprocate (fuck off Ayfer trying to push her on him) but hopefully they don't make him a psycho like Deniz. I did think he was a bit out of line to Serkan. Isn't that his cafe? And a customer has his glass spilled by a child in his care, and he insults him instead of apologizing? That is the worst customer service I've ever seen! He's a character that could wear on me quickly, we shall see. Kiraz can't help but be sassy because of genetics, but some of the adults in her life seem to be modeling rude behavior!

Now on to Eda and Serkan, I can't say enough about Hande and Kerem's acting in this episode. Phenomenal! They were both brilliant. Plus both are doing a great job working off of Maya (especially Kerem) those scenes were priceless. I don't often enjoy kids on shows, but so far I'm loving this dynamic.

As for Edser, while we don't know everything yet it feels like Serkan got to a point where he couldn't stand to see Eda in pain and putting her life on hold, he outright mentioned that she might not have graduated if they'd stayed together, and so that was part of the reason he reverted to his robot self and pushed her away. I'm going to guess she tried and tried and he was just unyielding. Saying he didn't want to get married or have kids in the harshest way possible. Perhaps even she went to tell him that she was pregnant and he went off on not wanting kids before she could even tell him. Time will tell.

At this juncture, my best guess is Eda's fear is rooted in rejection. It can't be that she thinks Serkan is a terrible person that doesn't deserve to know his child, or would be detrimental to Kiraz. However, she knows what it feels like to be rejected by Serkan, I'm sure she was beyond devastated, so I'm guessing now she's bent on protecting her daughter from feeling that same rejection. She fears if he found out, but wanted nothing to do with her, it would feel worse than him not knowing. She's not thinking clearly and perhaps it hasn't even occurred to her that the man she fell in love with is still under there and that man is fully capable of opening his heart wide to their child.

The fact that this child, a stranger to him, already has him wrapped around her little finger to the tune of being late to meetings while he waits for her to pick berries, speaks volumes.

The lies that Eda is telling Kiraz though... there is a fairy tale poetry to Eda saying her father is among the stars... but there was no way this would ever end well. Such a bad idea. Eda.... has made mistakes.

As for Eda and Serkan, their reunion was so bitter sweet. The way Serkan was sure he was hallucinating her and couldn't believe she was real, speaks to the fact that his thinking he saw her that morning was not an anomaly. It must happen all the time. She's never left his thoughts in 5 years. Especially since Engin makes it clear that women throw themselves at Serkan all the time, and he never bites. That's a lot of years celebrate, pining after a love he lost through his own actions. Though it's not that surprising that he didn't pursue other women, as he's never been a character who was motivated by sex. Which makes it hilarious that during his presentation that's where his mind was at, remembering their intimate times together. Serkan Bolat is an Edasexual.

Serkan seemed to want to brush past what happened between them, how they ended, but from Eda's pain, it's clear it was gut-wrenching and tragic and that's something he's going to need to recon with in the coming episodes. But how refreshing that they actually talked! That Eda actually expressed her pain to him! Wowza, that's a change from recent episodes when they didn't even have a proper conversation after he got his memory back.

The flashback scenes were a combination of pure brilliance and pain. Just rip out my heart why don't you. Serkan's angry reactions seem very believable for someone suffering what he was going through. I think it's typical to lash out at the person closest to you. And their fear and pain, their commitment to getting him better and seeing it through... those scenes were made all the more heartbreaking knowing that they didn't make it out the other side intact.

On a lighter note, I loved how even despite their intention and best efforts to remain closed off to one another, and away from one another, they couldn't. Physically, Serkan couldn't stay away, and every time Eda was in his presence you saw her resolve slip and her start to feel that old pull towards him. The fact that Eda thinks there's any way to keep this secret and get rid of him, she must just be in full panic mode and not thinking clearly. She's never going to shake him.

Thank goodness Serkan came back and actually issued a sincere apology for what he said at coffee. He definitely owed her one, but what was extraordinary is that it showed that the growth he went through when they were together didn't regress. He was able to apologize and explain that he was angry and hurt and that's why it happened. If you remember from the first time around, saying sorry was something he was just unable to do, so this felt big to me. He's not the same robot Bolat, she left an indelible mark on him.

As for him making her present her proposal, it's really not out-of-line for the professional relationship, however, we all know he did it just so he had an excuse to be around her. That man will take any excuse, plus he likes to get a rise out of her.

The dinner scene was breathtaking. How beautiful and achingly romantic was that setting? Wowza. And what a roller coaster of emotion those scenes were. It was great to watch them talk and laugh. Who didn't swoon when he deveined her shrimp and when she gave him fries? But we had to know it wouldn't last. Eda's speech had me breathless. Serkan had that coming, it hurt but it had to happen. What a relief to see them get things out in the open. Now I hope we get to see them really talk about what happened and why. Explain yourself Serkan!

As for the next episode, I was so hopeful that the Kiraz secret would be out after the final scene, but the first fragman makes it look like that's not going to happen, at least not at the start of the episode. My fear is that if Eda outright lies to him that just makes everything worse. The longer she keeps it from him, when they're back in each other's orbits and it's clear he's not running away, it makes her more and more at fault.

In any case, it looks like we're in for some fabulous scene so I look forward to the second episode!

#Sen Çal Kapımı #Sen Cal Kapimi #edser #sck discussion #edser discussion #sck episode discussion #sck 2x40 #edser meta #sckask #asklizac #anonymous

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seateajessi · 3 years

Text

Chapter 1

Wc: 1.8k

@chokemeanakin request, my very first fanfic hope you like it <3

There it was this familiar feeling of fear, anger, and frustration creeping into my mind consuming my very soul and leave my body frozen.

I failed.

I needed a moment to realize what just happened, a moment I missed to dodge the shot that split my lightsaber in half.

Not that It was of great use to me, now that I was lying on a destroyed federation tank, probably deadly injured and without any support that could turn things for the better.

The stars dancing over me confirmed my worries and slowly a jabbing pain kept me from breathing in more of the burnt air that wavered over the battlefield.

That was it.

That was the end.

The end of a traitor, of someone who left her troops in the middle of a crucial fight only to hunt down a phantom, a specter. There were clear orders to be followed, there was a code that showed a Jedi how to lead, how to live, and most importantly how to survive.

Especially the last part seemed more reasonable to me, as I was dying on that piece of metal junk.

My vision began to blur and the sounds of the battle surrounding me became numbed.

I desperately tried to reach my communicator and I believe more color left my face when I felt the warm blood on my finger.

Tears formed in my eyes as I started to realize what I had done, in what position I had brought not only my troops but the whole galaxy, the republic ... and General Skywalker.

I winced at the thought of Ani, we were friends since we first met as younglings at the temple.

The mission we were sent to was most likely one of the most significant, it held the potential to capture General Grievous and end that monster once and for all. After a defeat of General Grievous and his droids, the Jedi council and chancellor Palpatine were informed by republic supporters that Grievous fled to the Outer Rim.

Palpatine made it clear that two of the most powerful Jedi should execute this mission to ensure certain success. The council was as confused as I was when the chancellor recommended me for this mission, of course, I was a Jedi knight but I was neither a master nor the chosen one, on the contrary, I had never felt strongly connected to the force or was especially skilled with the lightsaber. If it wasn't for the severity of the situation and the lack of available Jedi, the council would have never even considered sending me on this mission.

I closed my eyes and gasped at the pain that slowly numbed my body and my consciousness.

In the Carlac system, we finally tracked a sign, in hindsight obviously way too easy and after we landed on Carlac it didn´t take long and an army had surrounded us. Any communication was blocked and Anakin and I were separated right at the beginning of the battle.

The snow-covered planet made it difficult to keep an overview, heavy blizzards made it nearly impossible to see more than two feet in front of you.

Tiny sobs escaped me when I thought of him being out there alone facing this gigantic army of battle droids. In the Jedi order was no personal attachment allowed and that was the hardest price to pay in order of being a Jedi. He had to be dead by now, yet I didn´t feel any change in the force.

The tears burned in my eyes, realizing that everyone could be dead by now and my weak connection to the force could easily hide it from me.

My thoughts became disorientated and the aching pain had now reached every limb and bone in my body.

My eyelids became heavier and it started to snow again, flakes nearly as big as my hand, they really looked beautiful combined with the fading sunlight.

Something felt so familiar with that picture and for a moment it soothed my pain sending me into something between sleep and unconsciousness.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The nightmare that haunted me was the same as I dreamt it almost every night for as long as I could remember.

Usually, I was wandering through a cave until I would spot daylight and hope to escape this hell only to stop before a dead end every single time. A horrifying scream fills the cave, echoes, and becomes louder and louder until I´d crouch on the ground. Desperation and fear would paralyze me until the cave would begin to crumble and collapse burying me.

This time was no different and with a loud gasp I opened my eyes, adjusting to the harsh mechanical lights that were directed on me.

I couldn´t make anything out in the glaring light, apart from the metallic room that surrounded me, and the fact that I was levitating in the middle of this room, held in some sort of slowly spinning electrical captivation.

It was a wonder that I survived the shooting before but there was no way I would live long enough to...my train of thought was interrupted by the opening of the door.

Battle droids of course and behind them a horrendous creature, half a robot and half Kaleesh.

"General Grievous", I stated, trying to sound as unaffected as possible.

His pestering laugh filled the room as he eyed me carefully.

"I´m a Jedi", my voice sounded horrible, an embarrassing mixture between voice cracks and whispering. Why was I even talking to him, I silently cursed myself.

"Jedi scum for sure, but what´s your name little Jedi?"

"Emerald", I answered slowly starting to feel the pain coming back.

"Is this even a name?", the droid next to Grievous chattered, "Never is that a name.", he continued clearly sure of himself, "We found her on the top of a tank, and her lightsaber was broken. I have it right here. Look at it yourself." he proudly held my lightsaber in front of Grievous face.

"What am I supposed to do with it you stupid droid?", the Kaleesh snarled. "You´re soon will look like that saber, Jedi scum. Droids, guard her." with that he stamped out, leaving me with that awful sound of "Rodger, Rodger" echoing through the room.

The thought of Anakin and the clones haunted me, there was no way I would give them up so easily.

This was my chance, a new sparkle of hope gave me life, the moment a somewhat brilliant idea came to my mind.

With my most suffering expression, which I didn't even need to fake that much I wailed "Oh, no. I´m gonna die, I can feel it. If I die now, Grievous can´t kill me. How are you gonna explain to him that you let me die when you were instructed to guard me." I sighed dramatically and slowly closed my eyes.

"Is she dead?", "Hey you, Emerald Jedi.", "I think she is dead", "We need to check, I was just promoted." the discussion continued until I roughly landed on the ground, hearing the two battle droids approaching to check on my health.

I quietly groaned at the aching pain that definitely originated from the left side of my body.

I felt the cold metal hand on my throat, clumsily checking if I was still alive. "I think she is...dead?!"

I calmed myself collecting everything that's left of my strength and grabbed the droid and ripped his head off. "Whaaat the", the other droid screamed in shock, still compensating why I was still breathing, which made it easier to grab his blaster and shoot it.

I gasped again, this time out of physical exertion, this little fight had brought me near unconsciousness again.

Struggling to set one foot before another I reached the door and opened it, trying to be as quiet as possible while sneaking out of the metallic hellhole.

There were only a few other droids, the base definitely didn´t seem heavily guarded, which was somehow strange.

"Grievous, you know that it is of utmost importance that the Jedi girl...", I froze and slowly approached the corner the voices were coming from. "Skywalker has to walk into our trap..." My heart made a little jump when I realized that Anakin probably wasn´t dead. "...Sidious ordered that she is only to be killed when Skywalker watches." I frowned and carefully retreated. The pain became more unbearable by the second and I still needed to find a way out of here.

Still, I couldn´t keep my mind from start rattling about what I just witnessed.

What in the force's name did they mean by setting a trap for Anakin. I wasn´t sure who the other one was, but I was definitely planning on figuring that out.

I needed to get to our ship and contact the fleet, call for help and inform the Jedi council about this.

I looked for something that would keep me alive and my luck had turned at least that's what I thought the moment I spotted a little something above me.

It seemed like there was some sort of container that had a medical sign-on. My shoulder made a terrible sound as I tried to reach for the switch to open it.

The pain that shot through my whole body caused me to abruptly slump down to the hard metal ground.

Before I could hit the ground hard, I was caught by a pair of strong arms that seemed familiar to me.

Could this be... "Ani?", I croaked and turned around, tears once again forming in my eyes as I saw his eyes full of concern and his hurt expression.

"You promised me you weren´t going to do anything reckless", he whispered and tried to sound taunting but his voice broke when he turned me a bit and saw my side.

I tried to form a laugh that sounded more like Grievous coughing, due to the amount of blood that came with it.

"Don´t worry it´s gonna be fine. Help is on its way, we-we contacted the fleet.",

My hand clutched for his that tried desperately to soothe my pain somehow.

"Ani, please hold me", I whimpered holding on to him even stronger. I couldn't read the expression that crept on his face but it scared me.

"They are gonna pay for this, every single one of them." he hissed and my stomach turned.

"Just look at me, Ani, please. It´s not that bad.", I whispered caressing his cheek and tried to smile. His expression softens and he carefully picked me up. "You´re so cold, Ems." I huffed and grabbed his hand pressing it against me, placing a soft kiss on his palm. A sad smile graced his face while he covered me with his robe. "See, I´m here, don´t worry.", he placed in return a kiss on my head.

"Ani, I´m scared." I whispered and I don´t know what hurt more the stabbing pain in my side or how his eyes became watery.

I ran my hand softly over his chest and buried myself into his strong arms. I barely felt the pain nor the burning sensation that had caused his touch.

And once again I drifted into sleep, only this time I felt as safe and warm as I never had before.

#anakin fic #sw anakin #star wars fanfiction #star wars #anakin fluff #anakin x reader #anakin x fem reader #original female character #fluff #hurt #angst

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misssquidtracy · 3 years

Text

Noble Intentions (Part 3).

The end of my slightly belated contribution to Gordo’s FabFiveFeb week. I finally managed to snap a leash on it before it could breed any more 🙌🏻

All credit for FabFiveFeb goes to the gorgeous @gumnut-logic 💚

Prompt: You did what?

Genre: Humour.

Characters: Gordon & Brains.

Part 1 Part 2

-x-

“Magnificent!” Brains cooed, peering out the window of the Helipod at the forested slopes of Bogota’s Eastern Hills, “What a t-truly remarkable place!”

Gordon smiled and tightened his grip on the yoke, “See, Brains? Wasn’t this worth getting up early for?”

The scientist twisted his head to gaze out the opposing window and peeped in delight when a flock of colourful finches zipped past, “Absolutely! Though while the views are stunning, it’s Dr. Gabriela I’m really looking forward to meeting. I can’t believe she’s one of just a handful of senior ophthalmologists investigating the link between vision restoration and gene t-therapy. I’ve never felt defined by my eyesight, but I’ve always wondered whether a t-technique exists that could reduce my reliance on corrective lenses. I went to a clinic specialising in photorefractive keratectomy and refractive lens exchange a couple of years ago, but nothing ultimately came of it. I’m excited to see if Dr. Gabriela has any suggestions. How lucky for me t-that you were able to get me an appointment at such short notice!”

“Yeah…” Gordon bit his lip and tried to ignore the guilty sensation that was holding his conscious hostage. He’d been up all night researching various scientific phrases he could throw at Brains in an effort to persuade him to tag along to Gabriela’s charity event. While his initial sales pitch had been enough to convince the engineer to abandon tinkering with his hatch deployment actuator, the little reading that Gordon had done on eye health hadn’t prepared him for the barrage of questions Brains had thrown at him.

“Does Dr. Gabriela have access to a VT 3 vision screener? And how up-to-date is her femtosecond laser?”

Sweat started to bead on Gordon’s forehead as he fought the urge to start making words and phrases up, “Oh, everything she uses is top of the range, Brains. Top of the range I say.”

The engineer made a noise of contentment similar to the one he’d made after Scott had given him permission to butcher the stray GDF R.O.BOT that had ended up in Tracy Island’s hanger.

-x-

Five short minutes later, and Gordon was ushering Brains through a pair of automatic doors that led into a gymnasium of sorts. While the scientist was content to admit that he’d never been to a South American country before, the layout of this so-called ‘private clinic’ was definitely not what he’d been expecting.

It wasn’t long before the discomfort of being in unfamiliar surroundings began to eat away at Brains’s composure. Thankfully, he had the ever sociable Gordon for backup, “Is this the w-waiting room?”

“Yeah…kind of,” Gordon replied, waving awkwardly as several people doddered past and began setting up easels, “You know what, let’s save Gabriela some trouble and start getting things ready for her. I know she’s a very busy woman, so any time we can save her will be a win for us.”

A peep of shock forced its way out of Brains’s mouth as he was bundled off towards a corner of the room that was obscured by a curtain of sorts. He’d done some preliminary research on Bogota’s economic health and was aware that the area was seismically sensitive and had suffered extensive infrastructural damage as a result of said seismic activity. Even so, he’d expected something markedly different when Gordon had bleated about how ‘top of the range’ this place supposedly was.

“Okay, you need to strip off,” Gordon instructed, shoving the scientist behind the safety of the curtain before politely turning away, “All new patients have to undergo a full-body CT scan to check for any underlying health conditions. Unfortunately they’re out of gowns, so you’ll have to do it in the buff.”

Any preoccupations Brains had with the decor of his new surroundings flew out the window quicker than Scott on an amphetamine at the bluntness of Gordon’s statement. Stripping off for an invasive procedure was to be expected, but for an eye exam?

Something didn’t add up…

“Oh, and you can’t wear your glasses during the scan either,” Gordon announced, inserting an arm through the curtain and popping the lenses neatly off the engineer’s nose, “Metallic objects can interfere with the final result. Now, chop, chop! Gabriela is waiting.”

Eager to avoid anything that could cause social awkwardness, Brains set about hesitantly disrobing. He’d never had a medical experience quite as…rustic…as this one, but reminded himself that not everyone had access to the same resources and technology they had back on Tracy Island.

Plus, he trusted Gordon.

-x-

“Is he here?” Gabriela asked, clattering towards Gordon like a giraffe on stilts, “Because I’ve got seventy people who’ve paid good money to put a member of International Rescue on their canvases.”

“Relax,” Gordon soothed, jerking his head in the direction of where he’d left Brains, “He’s getting ready now. How long will the whole thing take?”

A cloud of noxiously sweet perfume wafted through the air as Gabriela ran to consult her diary, “The entire class is three hours long, but guests are encouraged to take reference pictures during the first few minutes. Obviously, we can’t expect a model to pose for so long, so we generally ask for them to sit for just the first hour. Most people should have finished subject studying and underpainting by then.”

“He won’t last that long,” Gordon sighed, jolting when John suddenly issued a rescue order for a couple of stranded hikers on the Nepali slope of Everest. Thankfully, Scott picked up the call before enquiries could be made about Gordon’s whereabouts.

“Fifteen minutes, minimum,” Gabriela clinched, aware that her guests were starting to twiddle their brushes in impatience, “I just need him long enough for photos to be taken. I know it sounds tedious, but photographic shots are necessary for shading and contouring. Plus, guests can refer back to them if they don’t finish in the allotted time.”

Caramel eyes narrowed to slits as Gordon calculated the risk of further hoodwinking his blind colleague.

“Okay, fifteen minutes,” the aquanaut affirmed, striding back to where he’d left his charge, “You done yet, Brains?”

“I t-think so,” came the uncertain response, “But how am I going to get to the radiology clinic in t-this condition? Surely it would have made more sense for me to ‘prepare’ myself in the same room as the scanner?”

“Oh, it’s a portable one that can scan you from a distance in any position,” Gordon blabbed, throwing Gabriela a thumbs up as he gripped the curtain and prepared to yank it back, “Top of the range, remember?”

“If you s-say so,” Brains stammered, blinking like a mole that had just emerged into the sunlight, “I t-trust you.”

The hand that was about to rip the curtain back paused, it’s owner reflecting on the depth of the three words that had just been uttered.

Sure, if Scott hadn’t threatened to ground him, then Brains would be back in the safety of his lab and Gordon himself behind the curtain. And the entire event was funding a very worthy cause with numerous far-reaching benefits…

…but was it all worth humiliating a friend over?

Everyone who had the pleasure of meeting Gordon always described him as an uncommonly kind man. He had an almost innate ability to see life through other people’s eyes. Though it was emotionally exhausting at times, it was the driving force behind his desire to make people happy. He soaked up emotions like a sponge, and had learnt over the years that the best way to keep himself light and fluffy was to project as much positive energy into the people around him as possible.

Despite being disoriented and confused, Brains had willingly put a healthy chunk of his dignity into Gordon’s hands. And now his ass was on the line.

Quite literally.

Gordon sighed. Noble intentions or not, no impulsive decision was worth a friend’s modesty.

“Change of plans, Brains,” the aquanaut informed, “Gabriela’s got an emergency telephone consultation, so has referred you back to your usual guy in Sydney. You can get dressed and come out. I’ve popped your glasses down by your shoes, so don’t tread on them.”

Of course, the life of someone in Gordon’s line of work with Gordon’s personality meant that for every battle won, another was lost. While the moral dilemma over Brains’s involvement in the event was over, there was still the issue of Gabriela and the roomful of impatient artists she’d amassed.

“Hey, Brains? I’m just nipping home real quick. Tell Gabriela I’ll be back within the hour with a fully-fledged International Rescue operative for her…um…thing. This neighbourhood isn’t the safest place on the map, so don’t leave the compound by yourself. See you in a jiffy.”

The partially dressed Brains had less than a second to formulate a reply before Gordon bolted out the door, a metaphorical trail of fire blazing in his wake.

“I really must talk to Scott about a p-pay rise...”

-x-

One hour later…

MAX beeped seductively as he stretched his robotic limbs across the chaise lounge he was sprawled across.

“Draw him like one of your French robots,” Gordon suggested to a dark haired woman who had been studying her easel for several minutes, the hilarity of his own joke causing a snort to break forth. The woman remained impassive, her eyes fixed on the contours of MAX’s storage pod. Titanic references were clearly neither wanted, nor appreciated.

It hadn’t been the event anyone had expected. There had been no naked emergency responders, no naked engineers, and by extension, no naked calendar. Thankfully, MAX’s delight at being asked to participate in a human activity, combined with his enthusiasm for arts and crafts had gone some way towards placating some of the slightly miffed attendees.

“Well, we hit out target,” Gabriela announced, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, “Plus, MAX managed to rake in a fair few tips. That should cover the cost of food for the day.”

A sad series of beeps sounded as MAX dropped his gaze to the floor. He’d hoped to use the human money he’d earnt to buy his own easel, since Virgil was getting tired of him constantly vandalising his. Maybe he could ask Scott to pay him every time he emptied the dishwasher, just like he did with Alan…

“Chin up, MAX!” Gordon cooed, loading as much leftover food into the Helipod’s storage bin as was physically possible, “I’ll pay you twice what you earnt in tips for your time today. How does that sound?”

Brains smiled and self-consciously adjusted his glasses, “Thank you G-Gordon. We both thoroughly enjoyed our time here today. I must say, everyone did an excellent job at capturing MAX’s likeness. I think the canvas I p-purchased will look wonderful next to Kayo’s picture in the lounge. Of course, we’ll have to shift the r-rest of you up a bit to make room.”

Gordon gave a distracted nod around the sandwich he was chewing, his own small reward for a day chock full of hoop jumping.

After watching his creator disappear outside to chat to Gabriela (who was in the middle of a well-deserved smoke break), MAX wheeled over to the bag containing the portrait Brains had bought and carefully extracted it, his eye widening in awe as he drank in the masterful brushstrokes that came together to recreate him.

There was just one thing missing...

...a moustache.

-x-

Present day

"Uh, Gordon?" Virgil's voice was low and gentle, a stark contrast to the shrieks of delight Mandy was emitting, "Do I need to remind you about what happened last time you signed up for something like this?"

Gordon most certainly didn’t need reminding. He still hadn’t fully recovered from the tongue-lashing Scott had given him after discovering the portraits out of whack and MAX’s canvas next to his launch station…or the follow-up tongue-lashing that had come about after he’d learnt the reason behind the portraits being out of whack.

Hopefully an expensive bouquet of flowers on top of one of Scott’s ‘fat-ass cheques’ would keep Mandy from hunting him down and gnawing off his toes while he slept…

It wasn’t all bad though. Scott would never admit it, but Gordon’s previous display of charitable benevolence had warmed his heart enough for him to disclose to John the one person they could all freely bare their naked asses to if they so wished.

The Hood. But on two conditions:

1. He had to be en route to a prison cell at the time.

2. The phrase ‘kiss my ass’ would have to take on a literal meaning instead of a metaphorical one.

FIN

#Team Sea Bean #Gordon Tracy #Brains #thunderbirds #thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds 2015 #thunderbirds fanfiction #fanfiction #thunderbirds fan #tracybros #tracy bros #tracy boys #tracy brothers #Tracy Island #international rescue #Scott Tracy #Virgil Tracy #John Tracy #Alan Tracy

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maulsscream · 4 years

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(gif by swladies)

TO FEEL ALIVE Maul x Ahsoka

Oh y’all thought I was done? NAH. I’ll be honest folks... this one is straight up smut. There barely is a set up. There is no plot. They just fuck and you’re gonna like it. I in fact do make the rules and this is what you get.

SUMMARY Rated E - 1,623 words

How they’ve survived Order 66 is short of a miracle. In the aftermath of their near death experience, Maul and Ahsoka just want to feel alive. They find solace in each other’s arms, even if they’ve barely begun to trust each other. It’s them against the galaxy now.

Technically part of another series of mine : So Close 01 - To Feel Alive 02

Ahsoka was backed against the central console of her ship, her legs kicking about until she managed to get them around his hips. Maul’s hand squeezed around the flesh of her thigh in order to keep her flush against him. Their faces where pressed together in desperate kisses, lips and teeth mashing together in a desperate display of gratefulness to be able to feel anything at all.

They had escaped death by execution. They had escaped Sidious and the long time friends who had turned against her. There had been no time to think until the moment they had jumped into hyperspace. And after that, neither of them had wished to think. It was better to avoid their feelings entirely. Neither of them had done anything that would be considered an act of faith towards the other. Ahsoka had sent him to his death and Maul... had his past to answer for.

Ahsoka made quick work on the top of Maul’s tunic, ripping it off of his shoulders and letting it drop to the floor so that she could feel his skin against her palms. During their encounters, she hadn’t really taken the time to observe him but now that her hands were roaming about she understood how each of his strikes had felt like a freighter being hurled at her. He was pure muscle wrapped in decorated red and black skin.

Below the waist, Maul was a strange combination of mechanical parts and flesh. One of his limb had been partially replaced from the middle of his thigh down while the other was fully robotic. It joined at the hip in a jagged scar that swallowed the edge of the metal. She could see him clearly now. He was a sight for sure.

Her arms extended in front of her to push him away so she could get a full view of his outer workings. She had seen prosthetics before. Anakin’s hand was a modern marvel with intricate wiring that allowed him full control of his limb. He could even feel with it. Whoever had given Maul those legs was talented but they weren’t from the top notch surgeons that the Jedi had had access too. She had gotten a display of his full range of motion and it was in no way limited. However, the weight of his legs could have been improved. They looked clunky and unpractical. She wondered how much more powerful he could have been had he been complete.

"Are you regretting it now, Lady Tano?”

Maul mumbled in between kisses placed along her neck. He had removed her top moments ago and was cupping her breasts that fit perfectly into his rough grasp. Ahsoka arched her back, pressing into his hand. She took hold of one of his horns and tilted his head back so that he was forced to look at her. How did he have the guts to talk smack while they were in the middle of this?

“I was hoping you wouldn’t make it.”, she retorted while pushing him down to his knees.

“Forgive me if I don’t believe that.”

Ahsoka had purposefully meant her remark to be hurtful. She wasn’t going to spare Maul her animosity just because he was surprisingly skilled at turning her on and was the only person in the Galaxy she could rely on right then.

His hands glided along her sides on the way down, grabbing the few layers she was wearing from the waist down and freeing her body from them. Ahsoka shimmied out of her clothes as best as she could while clutching the console for balance. Maul had time to look at her, too. She was lean and small but her proportions were perfect. Her lekku fell gracefully on her chest, the contrast with her skin blinding. He had seen a few females of different species before. They didn’t compare. He and her were polar opposite who were never meant to fit together.

Maul kissed all the way up from her ankle to her inner thigh, his hands tracing up the back of her calf softly. It felt as if his kisses were burning her skin. He hooked her knees over his shoulders, continuing to kiss and nibble her flesh. Both of Ahsoka’s hands were holding on to the back of his head, trying to get the unyielding former Sith to give her what she wanted. To lead him.

“Maul.”

She panted out, sounding more like a threat than a cry of pleasure. Her nails racked along his nape. Hard enough to scratch.

“Has no one taught you patience, little one?”

As Maul rose to his feet once more she could see a dangerous smirk on his face. Under normal circumstances, it would have terrified her but in that moment it only thrilled her. It was a promise of what was to come.

Maul positioned himself at her entrance and Ahsoka took a deep breath to focus. Reaching out to the Force only felt like a dark hole trying to pull her in and swallow all her light. Instead she focused on the Zabrak. His large shoulders, his strong jaw, the way his eyes filled with relief and excitement at the mere sight of her. The sensation of his cock slowly entering her and spreading her open.

It was as if that moment erased anything between them. Nevermind the fact that he had tried to kill her on Mandalore or that she had used him as her pawn on that ship. All of that was behind them. They were going to have to go against an enemy that Maul knew intimately. And if Maul knew anything about Sidious, it was that they had no fighting chance. They were doomed. Their only hope was to hide and disappear.

This was goodbye.

Ahsoka laid back and he bent over her chest, his forehead pressed against hers. They stilled for what felt like an eternity. They were linked as one, always had been. They could feel each other through the force, what their experiences had been. The feeling overwhelmed the former Jedi and she began to move her hips so that Maul could fade out of her mind and be replaced by physically stimulation.

His forehead was now pressed against her collarbones. She could feel his warm breath between her breasts every time he thrusted forwards, deeper into her. She held him tight, her finger nails lodged into his skin. That would surely leave a mark, she thought. But it didn't seem to bother the former Sith. If anything, it spurred him one.

For her, it wouldn’t be enough. She needed more friction.

Ahsoka tapped Maul’s shoulders which caused him to look up at her in adoration. His movements didn’t falter for a second, making it difficult for her to focus. What was she going to say?

“Kriff…”, she cursed.

It took her all of her free will to get him off of her. The Zabrak seemed confused for a second but quickly got the hint. He turned her around, now facing the console on which she was balancing herself. Using his feet, Maul pushed her legs further apart and entered her again. He stayed there unmoving until Ahsoka began to rock back against him to egg him on.

“Don’t tell me you’re tired already.”

Maul could feel the smirk in her voice without having to be face to face with her. He groaned in response, a rumble deep in his chest that she felt against her back when his hand snaked along her chest and rested on her throat. Ahsoka swallowed thickly, half expecting him to squeeze down and choke her. Perhaps she even wanted it if only to remember she was alive and could feel.

The tightening of his fist never came, instead he simply used his hand to tilt her head back and hold onto her as he began to move again. He was agonisingly slow at first but the more sounds Ahsoka was making the more Maul became unhinged. The hand that had previously been holding on to the table lodged itself between her thigh and rubbed at her entrance in tight circles.

Ahsoka tensed, moaning out his name. She was tiptoeing on the edge, her whole body trembling with the anticipation of her release. Maul leaned into her and she could feel his teeth grazing her ear. His hips were unrelenting.

“Aren’t you glad you joined me?”

The sweet whisper of his voice although mocking was all it took for her to come crashing down. She shook against his chest, the walls of her warmth squeezing down on his cock like a vice, causing his own undoing. They barely let out a sound, unable to breath and too focused on their respective pleasure.

Once they had gathered their senses again, Maul slipped out from inside her and pressed a kiss to her shoulder blade. The action seemed more intimate than all of what had just happened between them. He regretted it instantly.

Ahsoka cleared her throat. She didn’t shake him off and didn’t trying to free herself from him either. Truth be told, she found comfort in having his body above her as if he were shielding her from the rest of the galaxy.

Maul felt oddly protective. All he had ever wanted was to belong, to find someone who understood. He thought he and Savage would have taken over the Galaxy. Instead, his family had been ripped from him. Ahsoka was the closest thing he had to an ally. Even if she had been against him and would be hard to turn to his cause, it was his duty to make sure she was safe.

Ahsoka could have gotten used to it.

#antis just block me thanks #maulsoka #ahsoka #maul #maul x ahsoka #ahsoka x maul #darth maul #ahsoka tano #traaaaaash i am trash #tcw #tcw spoilers #fics

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only-here-for-jatp · 4 years

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The Boy in a Beanie

Couldn’t sleep last night so I wrote a kind of angsty Juke fic.

Luke discovers Julie writing a song with Nick. (Spoilers: He doesn’t like it) https://archiveofourown.org/works/26600749

Julie’s been lost in her own mind for days and frankly it was freaking Luke out. It was totally out of character for her to be so spacey. She’d been missing band practices and running into things and spending a lot of her time in her room, with the band shut out completely. All of the boys were starting to get worried, ever since they’d gained the power of touch they’d gotten used to group hugs and casual touches. Yet with Julie’s brain who knows where she’d barely looked them in the eye. Reggie tried talking to her yesterday, but it was almost like she couldn’t hear him. At one point, they’d tried to have band practice without her, but Luke was too agitated. He couldn’t sit still. It felt like he’d never gone this long without connecting with her and he didn’t like it.

After talking with the guys, they formed a plan to be on Julie watch. One of them would always be within eye or earshot at all times, so they could figure out what was going on. Luke was on first watch the next morning as Julie went to school. He followed her through the halls, always within hearing distance, but she still didn’t seem to notice him.

Eventually, she walked into an empty music room with a piano. She pulled out her songbook and he watched as he saw her eyes focus for the first time in days. That’s what this was all about? Songwriting? Pain sliced across his chest deep. He loved Julie’s songs, but ever since the three ghost boys had busted into her life, they’d always done it together. It was one of the things he’d held most precious about their relationship.

Part of him felt like he should run away and hide. Clearly, she didn’t want any of them to hear this since she’d been ignoring them for days to come here and make music in secret. It felt like the worst kind of betrayal and despite knowing that he was being a little melodramatic since he’d definitely gone on song binges himself before where he’d shut out the world, he couldn’t help the hurt of knowing that Julie had shut them out. That she’d shut him out.

He didn’t think it could get any worse until he watched Nick walk into the room and join her, guitar in hand. Her face lit up at the sight of him and she greeted him enthusiastically. Luke was sure his undead heart was breaking. She’d shut them all out, so she could make music with him. He had to get out of there, he needed his friends. His brothers. He poofed just as she turned his direction, but he was gone so fast she wasn’t even sure he’d been real.

----------

Julie was eternally grateful to the kindhearted Nick. Even after rejecting him, he was still there supporting her and helping her. Besides Luke, he was the best guitar player she knew and the haunting melody drifting just out of reach needed a guitar. The elusive song had been evading her for days, it coiled around her as if it were part of the air she breathed. It all started when the dreams began to keep her up at night and the song played in the background. She would wake not quite remembering it, only for it to slip by her in a daydream.

The song about the boy in the beanie.

She’d been upfront with Nick from the beginning about who the song was for and why it seemed to escape her so. He’d been patient with her these last couple days as they tried combination after combination trying to nail down the melody. The only thing she’d hidden from him were her lyrics.

The chords and notes may be out of her grasp, but she knew the lyrics as if they were her next breath. How could she not, when she knew their subject as if he was an extension of herself. Her partner, her mind reader and god how she missed him. Everything would be so much easier if she could just be working on this with him. But she knew. She knew that he would want to know everything about it. He’d want to know the words and the why and she just wasn’t ready yet. So until then her lyrics were tucked away in a secret container of her dream box, one that she’d never shown the boys given their pension for snooping.

For a brief second she heard the music. Nick played the combination again and it felt right. They’d finally found it. Now that she could pin the first couple chords it felt like the rest laid itself out in front of her. For the first time in days, she felt her mind ease and she sat down at the piano to begin the work of writing it down.

-------------

Luke’s bandmates looked startled when he popped back into the studio so suddenly, but they could see how agitated he was. They watched him quietly as he paced, his body so tense they thought he might snap with his fist clenched down by his side. It was his face though, that really had them tentative it looked as if he might scream or cry or both. The thought of what he might have seen to make him rush back here, to look like that, it made their nonexistent blood run cold.

Reggie took a cautious step forward to attempt to reach out, but Luke waved him off as he explained what he saw. He could feel the venom in his words, the simmering anger that was feeding off his pain. Alex and Reggie knew him well enough to know, that he needed to get it all out. The hurt of finding her like that, the betrayal of seeing her light up at the sight of Nick. The frustration and fear that comes from the feeling that everything that was most important to you was slipping away. Truth was, Alex and Reggie were feeling a little hurt and a little lost too, so when Luke decided he needed some space they let him go without too much of a fight.

-----------------

Julie had rushed home after school that day, desperate to get back to her boys. Her mind was finally clear after taming the song that had plagued her and the realization of just how much she’d neglected her best friends laid her gut heavy with guilt. She’d been so distracted she’d barely seen them and everything in her needed to reconnect with them once more. To touch them and hold them and ground herself.

When she walked in to find Alex and Reggie sitting on the couch forlornly, she knew her absence had wreaked much more damage than she’d realized. She knelt down in front of these boys that she loved like family and reached out to hold their hands, squeezing tight. At that point they finally looked up at her and for a minute she just looked at them. Really looked at them and she murmured her apologies and reassurances that she was here. That she loved them and missed them.

Reggie gave in first, pulling her onto the couch and enveloping her in a hug. She could feel his sigh of relief as he squeezed just a little bit tighter. Alex looked away bitterly revealing that they knew she’d been writing music with someone else. Worry and pain hit her like a sucker punch to the gut. Luke had been there this morning, had seen her working with Nick.

Oh her poor ghost boy.

She knew she had to tell Alex and Reggie, make them see somehow. So she gently stood and dragged both boys with her to the piano. She pulled a chair up for Reggie so he could be right next to her and sat next to Alex on the bench. Making sure she could maintain contact with both boys she hesitantly lifted her fingers to the piano and played her new song.

She could tell the moment they fit the pieces together. Reggie sat straight up a smile growing on his face and a light twinkling in his eyes. Alex was more subtle, a deep inhale and a small smirk, but he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close and she knew she was forgiven. After the last remnants of the song died away, she explained that Nick was the only other person who could play guitar nearly as well as Luke, and the song couldn’t be finished without it. At that the boys beamed and pulled her into a group hug.

Luke poofed back into the room. After all, it was time for their typical band practice. He split into a soft smile at the sight of the group hug at the piano, but quickly shifted into a smile that looked normal, but didn’t quite reach his eyes. All of the words, phrases and gestures seemed like any other day, but they could all tell that it was robotic. His heart simply wasn’t in it. Julie attempted to explain that it was a one-time deal, that it wouldn’t happen again. He shrugged it off and brushed her off telling her not to worry that everything was fine.

Of course, everything was not fine. He wouldn’t look her in the eyes and when they played there was no drive, no connection. All of their music sounded fine, but he spent practice ignoring Julie and every attempt she made to grab his attention. She wondered if this was how he felt when they’d played Edge of Great last year. Well, at least he’d given her the perfect plan and from the looks Reggie and Alex were passing between them, they’d probably let her get away with whatever. She threw them a smile and the three of them nodded.

The part of the song where she and Luke harmonized was coming up and she timed it so that just before their cue, Luke was suddenly sharing a mic. He’d been so focused on avoiding her that he was not prepared for her to be so close to him. She kept brushing up against him, inching her way closer to him, crowding him in a way he couldn’t escape from.

The abruptness dropped his mask and finally their eyes met and she could see the anger and the hurt as his face twisted into a scowl before he could regain control. Her heart ached at the pain he was in, but she smiled that at least they had connected somehow, someway. Until he vanished, poofed away in the middle of the song, leaving her stranded and staring into an empty space.

------------------

Luke could feel the pain morphing into anger and as much as he didn’t like it, he needed that fuel. He was livid. How dare she. How could she do this to him after spending her morning with Nick. He’d been doing everything he could to keep everything fine, to keep his emotions in check, but she’d had to push him. She had to get so close that it would’ve taken a small lean for his mouth to be on hers. She had to get so close that he could smell her shampoo and feel her fire. Never before had he been angry enough to storm out in the middle of practice, but apparently Julie Molina was enough to drive him crazy.

He needed to get his emotions back under control, he couldn’t keep running out every time Julie got close to him, no matter how much he hurt. Keeping his cool was the name of the game until he could get over these feelings of his.

Thankfully they didn’t have band practice the next day, but it didn’t seem to stop Julie on her quest for, well he didn’t know. She kept giving him small casual touches. Never long enough for him to move away or tell her to stop, just little things like brushing past him a little too close when she walked by. Or letting her fingers briefly meet his.

Every touch warmed him up a little and he had to keep reminding himself of what he’d walked in on. He couldn’t keep falling in love with her when she had chosen Nick. Slowly though he could feel the warmth she was passing on grow and soon it was becoming difficult not to smile at her.

The next day was a band practice day and Julie was back at her efforts to make him connect with her. He just couldn’t though, the anger and hurt was still there swirling under the surface. He couldn’t drown himself in her, drown himself in their connection without remembering that she’d hid music from him so she could play with Nick.

The flash of anger and pain that came with that reminder timed itself perfectly with Julie reinserting herself at his mic. This time though, something in him boiled over and he stopped playing so he could make a snide remark about how if she really felt like she needed to be this close to some guy with a guitar then she should go find Nick. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he regretted them and he watched his best friends’ eyes go wide as they poofed out to avoid whatever fight was coming.

Somehow though she smiled? before launching into an angry sounding diatribe about how he was being a jerk and for the sake of the band this and the sake of the band that. He could feel his anger running high and before he could stop the words he told her she should go be in a band with Nick if she didn’t like how he was doing things. Her eyes widened a little before she proudly exclaimed That’s it! And grabbed the beanie from off his head and darted away with it.

Before he could give it too much thought, he gave chase, poofing in and out as he tried to catch her to get his beanie back. She was surprisingly good at dodging him, leaping this way and that to stay out of his grasp. Once though she let him get close, where she looked him dead in the eyes and said that it was a one-time thing and that she had absolutely no interest in Nick. Beanies suited her much better.

At that comment she slid the beanie on her head, and he was in shock just for long enough for her to escape out of his clutches again. He resumed his pursuit, but this time he didn’t stop the smile or laughter from bursting out. She darted by him again, determined to make a clever escape, this time though he was ready and soon he’d tackled her to the couch.

He took a brief moment to enjoy the feel of her under him and the mischievous glint in her eyes before snatching his beanie back off her head and readjusting it on his. Yet neither of them moved from their spots. She smiled at him, Another thing beanie boy… and with that she kissed him.

It took only a moment for him to give back as good as she was giving him. He thought nothing had ever tasted as good as her lips. They were so soft and he could’ve sworn that somehow they were made to go against his. He moved his arm so he could wrap around her and pull her closer while her arms went around his neck with her fingers tangling in his hair. If he could just do this forever, he would be the happiest ghost.

Much sooner than they wanted, they broke apart. One of them did need to breathe after all. He pressed his forehead against hers blissfully happy. He let out a small deep laugh and remarked about how she liked beanies. She gave him her biggest grin and specified that really she liked the boy who wore them. Interlacing their fingers, Luke maneuvered Julie into his lap where he alternated between kissing her breathless, something that was quickly becoming his new favorite activity and burying his face in her hair and holding her close.

Eventually their other two bandmates popped back in with a knowing smirk, and Julie blushed happy to be surrounded by her people and know that all was right in her world. Her song long forgotten in the hidden compartment of her dream box.

#juke #julie and the phantoms #jatp #luke patterson #julie molina #late night writing

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cutegirlmayra · 4 years

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Sonamy Prompt - Treat

Hello! Before I open my prompts back up, I wanted to write more of my own original prompt ideas! Please enjoy, and Commissions will open March 17th for all! (Not prompts! These are paid!)

Enjoy~

Prompt:

Amy’s hands lifted her up from her desk, the rebellion forces were still cleaning up the area from Eggman’s left behind robot trash, but Sonic’s cheery face on the screen made her even more anxious about joining them!

“OooOOOooohh,” she let out her iconic whimper as she shook her cute, bundled hands in small wiggles of envy, “But why can’t I go out and fight too?!”

“There, there, Amy! I promise you, you’ll have your time in the spotlight.” Sonic’s encouragement never failed to please her as his face shone on the communication line. He smiled down to her, clearing seeing how much she missed the battlefield. “Ever since we took down Eggman, you’ve been itching to get out of that dark, blocky room, right?”

“More than you know~” Amy sluggishly sank back down into her office chair, surrounded by metal and rock, she just wished to be useful on the other side of the screen, this time around! “Can’t you convince Knuckles to let me out?”

“Haha! No problem! I won’t even break a sweat.” he gave her a thumbs up. “But we really need you on communication lines right now. You’re a good organizer. Without you, I don’t think Knuckles would remember his lefts from his rights!”

She sighed as her head slumped against the cool steel where her control panel was. Her eyes batted slightly in her weariness, but she didn’t think he could see her that well, so she didn’t mind emoting just a tiny bit~<3

“Huh? Amy? You still there?”

Just as she assumed, she was out of sight from the camera and looked fondly up at him.

“...Just a little while ago...” she began, “I kept a silent dream in my heart... that you were still alive and well. Fighting the good fight, just somewhere far away from us...”

His expression changed and he held a more serious look, “Silent, huh..?” he then broke it and chuckled. “I was always fighting in my heart, Amy. Infinite just gave me a bit of a farther fight then I wanted.” he was mentioning his entrapment on the moon, which still stung at Amy’s core.

“Chaining you up? That’s like... a crime against nature.” She hugged her arms, sitting up again as her face came back into view for Sonic’s camera.

His face lit up at seeing her again, he seemed to not like that she was out of the shot for so long. “Yeah... It bit. Pretty hard. But I never worried about you all. I knew you could do it... even without me, I never once stopped believing in my team.”

Amy looked up as though melting at his gaze and swooning at his words as her body swayed a bit down, relaxing with a gentle glide into a new state of being.

She had missed this~ his calming presence and his kind, unbreakable spirit.

“Now, who does that remind me of?” She teased, wanting a little personal praise from her hero.

Her eyes darted away in a sneaky way, and Sonic gave her a sly look in return.

“Well, you’re not half bad yourself at keeping some faith and hope in these dark times, huh, Amy?” He played along, giving her jitters that sent a swarm of butterflies lose in her stomach. They seemed to migrate northward up to her chest, before fluttering to land on her cheeks, giving her a honey glow.

“I can’t resist you~” she admitted, placing her hands up to attempt to hide her blushing cheeks.

Sonic gave her a big grin, but his shyness got the better of him and he looked away, “Aw, come on, Amy... You make this too easy...” he seemed a little embarrassed now but that only made Amy even more overjoyed at his return.

“Ever since you got back, you’ve been really grateful for your friends... You even went so far as to spend individual time with everyone.” she ducked her chin down slightly, a desperate plea in her eyes for him to remember. “I’ve been kinda wondering... if I go out on the battlefield again... will I also receive that special, limited Sonic time?”

“Huh?” Sonic refocused himself back to the screen, having scratched his nose with an awkward look of giddy pride in making her day, but now he seemed to be pleasantly surprised by her statement. “I hadn’t really noticed I’ve been doing that... Guess I just missed everyone and our adventures together.” He gave her a wink, “Sure thing, Amy! I think your time with me is far past overdue!”

She covered her mouth, “You mean it..? Really!?” she was overwhelmed with springtime in her heart, feeling the butterflies suddenly launch off again and this time, fly over fast winds as flowers bloomed all along the insides of her skin. It was a warm sun, her heart, and it was all thanks to Sonic’s sunshine.

He seemed to notice this, a sudden, unconditional joy in her. “Gosh, Amy. You really do make me feel like-...” He stopped himself, but then huffed a bit through his nose to look down from the camera, closing his eyes. “Ah, nevermind. That’s just the hero-worship talking, right?” He looked back up, “Don’t get too excited, it’s not a date or anything...” he looked away, “Yet...” he muttered, “Knowing you, I suppose you would count it as ‘alone time’ away.” he sighed. “Alright, call it what you want, but I can’t help and be a little excited to see ya. In the flesh again, this time.” he cut off the communication.

Her eyes blinked as her hands came down from her head leaning on them in doting pleasure. But now... it seemed that his words weren’t adding up. “Hero Worship? Oh, Sonic... It’s you I can’t help but want to marry... poor guy~” she spun in her chair, leaning back in it. “He thinks its because he’s such a hotshot hero that I can’t resist him... But this next time we’re alone together-!” she jumped from her chair, looking more determined than ever. “I’ll prove to him with my love that no matter what hedgehog he chooses to be! I’ll stand by his side no matter what!” she punched the air a few times, then summoned her hammer and started swinging wildly, “Hyah! H’up! Hyahhh!” she seemed overly jazzed about the idea of fighting alongside Sonic, getting time for just them two~<3

Daydreams occupied most of her mind that day... but the day dragged on... and soon, she became overly exhausted and that beautiful, wonderful springtime slowly drifted into the late hours of the night.

The butterflies became slow-moving fireflies against the dark landscape of her inner-emotions. They flickered, like her fleeting moments of energy where she’d find herself dozing off and having to slap her cheeks twice to keep herself awake. They gently grazed against the flowers who once shook in mighty winds of ecstasy. But the moonlight coming from her eyes watching Sonic’s communication line streamed down a blue hue that gave her some hope.

“Soon, Amy Rose. Don’t fear.” she comforted herself, realizing she hadn’t heard from Sonic in hours. She leaned back up, checking the other lines and seeing everyone was still on their calculated routes and missions, doing fine and not needing her instruction or to be the middle man in their planning.

“Sonic’s here now~” she cooed, lightly skimming the buttons before reaching her own hand.

Another daydream... what if her hand was Sonic’s hand? What if... ever so gently he...

She lifted her hand and tried to hold it, then smiled weakly and squeezed it. She laughed, kicking up her feet in her excitement and getting a rush of energy again, like a frog leaping into the stream of her nerves.

“Ahh, haha! Okay! Just work through the night! You’ll be out on the field with Sonic in no time!” she once again pressed the palm of her hands against her cheeks, light pats, and then narrowed her sights upon the dull work schedule she had for herself... currently, anyway.

The next day.....

A flat line on Sonic’s communication channel.

Amy was fast asleep at the wheel, so to speak.

However, Sonic was striding into base with a howl of cheers for him. The forces were stoked to have their trademark hero back, and better than ever! He was planning to leave the base soon in search of where Eggman had gone, but until then, he continued down the building of praising fans, hopeful recruits, and squealing girls.

He waved a bit, just living it up, before Knuckles shook his head beside him. “You really let the fame get to your head, don’t’cha, Sonic?”

“Fame? Fortune? What are we talking about?” Pretending to be spacey about it, he noticed a young child run out of the crowd and hand Sonic a piece of paper and pen. The poor thing huffed and puffed, probably having fought through the whole crowd to get to him, and clearly had been rescued from some of the surviving towns and cities.

He smiled warmly and took the items, combining them to create his unique signature, and ruffled the kid’s head before handing him back the new treasure. The child gasped, as though amazed his plan had actually worked, hugged the piece of paper with Sonic’s name scribbled carefully onto it, and took off back into the crowd.

Knuckles couldn’t complain at that, he just watched with a frown, knowing he shouldn’t give Sonic such a hard time after being tortured and gone for so long.

Sonic just watched after the kid, then seemed to nod about a hidden thought.

‘I might be okay having a kid.’ He thought to himself before stretching, ‘Eh, some day.’ he seemed to be shrugging the thought off as quickly as it came, disregarding it as he turned to look back at Knuckles.

“Ah, speaking of which... Hey, Knuckles? Think Amy deserves a bit of a vacation?”

Knuckles seemed shocked by his words, “Speaking of? You didn’t say anything!”

“Ah, I was meaning too.” He kid, putting a hand up to his chin and acting up, “I vaguely remember you saying it was about time she got back into the sunshine. Looking a little pale, maybe?”

“Did I say that..?” Knuckles looked off to the side, doubting himself as Sonic’s ear twitched and a mischievous, trickster grin replaced his once ‘contemplative’ expression.

“Well, sure!” Sonic slung an arm around him, “You even mentioned you felt bad about keeping her cooped up in that underground bunker, working night and day on a computer, for so many long... strenuous... hard hours...”

The acting should have won Sonic an award. At least an Xbox achievement: Duped the Knuckles, yet again.

“Yeah... yeah, she has been working overtime!” Knuckles was easily convinced this was his own words, straight from his own--not oblivious, but totally considerate and aware of people’s needs--heart.

Bless him, he just didn’t know.

“She’s usually so cheery, I should have known better.” Knuckles seemed a bit down about it, so Sonic cheered him up.

He lightly nudged his side, “You did know better...” He winked in his sly deceptions.

“Oh yeah! I did!” Knuckles instantly beefed up his chest and stood tall and proud, “I mean, as the leader, I have to think of everything! Ah, but... who will lead communications if I let Amy go? And where would I send her too..? Hmm...” he put himself into a ‘thinking’ stance, but Sonic smiled fondly to his friend, leaning behind his head so he didn’t see his mouth move.

“I should let Amy go with Sonic.” Sonic whispered, then pretended to whistle in front of Knuckles.

“Ah! I should let her go out on the field, with you, Sonic!” he punched Sonic’s side, moving his looped arm off of him as Sonic looked around as though amazed by this statement.

“Who? Me?” He gestured to himself. “I guess... with you at communications... I’ll be down one man...”

“That’s right! I’ll work communications, and Sonic-” He put a hand to his shoulder, as Sonic continued his innocent game face. “...Give Amy the time she needs. She deserves it.”

Sonic formed an ‘o’ with his mouth, “Gee, Captain Knuckles, I’ll try.” he put his hand to his chest, crossing it over his heart. “I-I won’t let you down, sir!”

“That’s the spirit!” Knuckles patted his back, boasting a hard-hitting laugh. “I’m a genius! That only took a second to figure out!”

“You’re the cleverest man I know, besides Tails, Sonic.” Sonic smirked off to the side.

“Huh?”

“What? I said Knuckles? Didn’t you hear me?” He lightly patted Knuckles’s head, confusing him, before he took off towards the communication room, still waving for the public.

When he opened the door, he could barely contain his excitement, “Long time no actual see, Amy!”

His face then dropped.

Her limp body suddenly rose in a steady beat of a breath, before descending even deeper into her slumber. Her arm dropped off the side and dangled as she was almost close to falling off the chair and counter too.

His eyes scanned her a moment, then the screen, seeing it completely silent on his channel.

His huge grin softened to an empathic smile, and he slowly moved the door to open wider, not bothering to shut it behind him as he was going to daringly rescue her from this awful fate.

He walked up to her with purpose, but as softly as a prince, began to lift her up and carry her bridal style.

“Emm...” She began to stir, and he just politely waited on held breath for her to recognize him.

She blinked her eyes wearily open, and a restrained gasp of awe came out delicately from her tired being. “Sonic..?” Her features fawned in quiet longing. “Am I dreaming again?”

“Only every minute of every hour that ticks by that cruel clock’s glow.” He gently shook his head in a teasing manner, then looked with a bit of a harsh coldness towards the office clock that glowed bright red letters to show the time. “...How long have you been trapped in here, Amy..?” He seemed to get antsy himself, just standing in the dull, lifeless room.

“Sonic..! I missed you... You promised...” Her hand lightly moved up to his cheek, which pulled his momentary distraction back to her, giving her his complete and full attention. “You have to... keep those...”

“At all cost.” his eyes lowered as his head tilt, trying to hold on to her slipping hand as she fell back to sleep. “Oh... Amy...” He sighed out, looking around and getting more and more upset at how long she must have been doomed to work in here.

“...Let’s blow this joint, before I start getting angry.” Sonic joked, but there was a bit of a grumble in his voice that spoke some truth to that comment.

When Amy woke up, she amazed to see that everyone was gathered in the meeting room. She lazily looked up to see that Sonic had placed her ontop of where he sat, letting her lean on his shoulder and chest as she must have taken a well-needed nap on accident.

She blushed as she noticed they were in front of everyone, and Sonic nonchalantly kept up the conversation while having her placed there in his chair.

His arms flopped around, as was his usual style when talking, and when Silver seemed to notice her awake, he smiled to her with a light smile and nod.

Her face like flushed with the red wings of butterflies.

This was... bold for Sonic.

“Then it’s settled.” Knuckles clasped his hands together, wiggling them tighter into place as he seemed to be settling on something she had missed in the conversation. “Tails and I will handle things here. He’s still trying to find out more about alternative dimensions like the one Other Sonic came through. Shadow and Silver will meet up at Blaze’s portal, try and get a reading on how she got here for Tails. Sonic and Amy will lead the Forces and search for Eggman.”

“Not for long, though.” Sonic chimed in, making her slightly turn her head, but trying to disguise the fact that she was awake and attentive now. “I think I’m gonna split after this.”

Her heart dropped. Like the last note at an opera where the chandelier falls onto the stage...

He can’t mean that.

Knuckles dropped his head a moment, “Alright. Last mission then.” Knuckles looked off to the side, then flicked his nose with a slight sniff. “But we could really use you here, pal.”

“I know. But you can use me better with what I naturally do.” Sonic instinctively moved a hand that had been helping hold Amy up beside him and wagged it around like his signature style. “Saving the world my own way. Don’t forget that now, Captain Knuckles.” He lightly joked.

Shadow scolded Sonic a moment but left it at that since Sonic kept cracking out smart-aleck comments and not taking anything seriously anymore.

He raced out of the room with Amy in his arms still and headed for the craft that would hold their men in it.

“...What about... your promise?” She knew he probably had seen that her eyes were open and she was awake, but she was too torn up inside to really have said anything until now.

He looked down as though without a worry in the world, “You act as though this is goodbye. You know I hate those.” He kid again, moving his head up to hers a moment to get her spirits back.

It was a light touch of their cheeks meeting briefly, but it was still enough to get her to smile and giggle again.

“So... I can still be with you? When you leave?”

He didn’t say anything, just jumped from a high place and seemed to glide through the air to the top of the craft.

Once onboard, he headed to the ship’s main control room and noticed Tails fast at the wheel.

He set her down on a couch behind, since the room was modeled to be a captain’s courters as well, and began small talk with him.

Annoyed that they weren’t ‘alone’ like she thought Knuckles had said, she placed her shoulders square, hands in her lap, and pouted in silence. Seeping with fury, she was surprised to see Sonic not even look at her as he came over to the couch.

“-which is why I feel you weren’t meant for ground-control, Tails.” He suddenly sat down and put an arm around Amy.

‘...Hold up.’ She narrowed her eyes at his actions. ‘Is he really thinking this is enough?’ she nudged him away, flicking her head away from his stuck-up being and huffed angrily.

She didn’t know how he was reacting to it until she felt something flop across her lap.

Gasping, she saw him carrying on the conversation with Tails, a hand up to hold up his head, and his body laid out across her lap.

Her face exploded with red lava upon her cheeks, but he acted as though nothing was wrong.

One hand was relaxing on his hip, angling his elbow up, and one leg was also up as though his typical ‘I’m just chilling here’ expression.

When she continued to battle against his ridiculous idea of ‘being together’ he finally stopped his conversation with Tails and scooted down, laying his quills to the side so his head was now on her lap, staring up at her without poking holes into her.

“And as for Amy and me-” he began, this time, giving her a straight look right through her eyes and into her soul. “We’ll be out and about for a while. Sound good, Tails?”

Tails just sighed, “You’re being inconsiderate of her feelings, Sonic... She clearly doesn’t want you toying with her like this.”

Amy puffed up her cheeks. That was the word! Toying with!

If he intended to keep his promise, he should just take her on a real date! Of course, she wanted to swing her hammer again, enjoy the nice warm air and help the rebellion fix up the place... but at least do it like you mean it!

She shoved him off her lap, causing him to tumble before getting up and huffing away.

“Ouch...” Sonic rubbed his chest a second, getting up before tapping his head where he felt a slight ‘bump’ coming through. “I thought she’d think of it as a treat.”

He dusted himself off, hearing her slam the door. It made him flinch, but he rolled his eyes and got up. “What’d I do this time?”

“Well, your actions were what she’s wanting, Sonic... but your timing couldn’t be more off.”

Amy clasped her hands together outside the door again, mimicking her daydream of them holding hands.

‘You’re not meaning it.’ she told herself, leaning against the door with a sorrow that seemed to make her inner spring rain. ‘If you do something like that... do it because you want to be with me, not because you’re planning to leave me... not again... I don’t wnat to be alone!’

She suddenly glared and turned around, about to swing the door open but Sonic had already done so, making her stumble into his arms.

He smiled at the pleasant surprise.

She looked up from her face being squished against his chest, blinking innocently.

“You’re totally right, Tails,” Sonic called back, though Tails was unaware of the situation as he drove the large ship.

“Huh?”

“She does deserve more of me.” he gave her a mischievous grin. “I’ll just Amy to the location where the abandoned Eggman fleet is attacking myself. Don’t wait up!”

He scooped her up with one arm, draping her over his shoulder in one fell swoop, and jumped off towards the ground in seconds flat.

While screaming on the way down, she felt Sonic grab one of her flailing hands, intertwine their fingers together, and land with her in a charming dip.

“Shall we save the rest of the world?” It was enough of an apology to get that he really just wanted to make her happy, and didn’t realize how it was coming off to her.

The gushing of affection for him flowed like a dam breaking loose, and she leaned up to embrace him from the dip, holding on tightly this time.

Even if he was going to leave soon... it wasn’t forever, and this time... he was making time for her and her alone.

“I really can’t resist you... Sonic The Hedgehog!!!”

“Oh good! Cause you’re a lot cuter when you’re happily swooning over me than being mad at me.” he lightly returned the hug the best he could, but there was some awkwardness to him again.

Shy? Already?

And she had hoped those days were gone but...

She giggled, moving away but lifting her arms to be around his neck.

“And you’re cute when you’re shy, too. Sonic~ But-!” she quickly put her fingers to his mouth, “Maaaaybe keep the ‘bold new Sonic’ just between us two~” she flicked his nose as rascally as she could and with a wink, she confidently trailblazed ahead of him.

He was left blinking and looking after her.

“Wow!” he shook his head and smiled, racing to scoop her up and carry her off again. “You don’t change!” he laughed.

(this is between the ending of Forces and before the beginning of IDW comics ;)b where he leaves and then they reunite again)

#sonamy #sonicxamy #amy rose #sonic #sonic prompt #sonamy prompt #cutegirlmayra #sonic idw #sonic forces #sonamy forces #forces!sonamy #Idw!sonamy #sonamy idw

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spacesuitsforemergency · 4 years

Text

Oops!...I Did It Again

Word Count: 1.8k

Requested by @must-be-ryan: Oneshot idea (maybe?): Music Meister learning he has a kid in their early teens who just discovered their powers and followed in his footsteps

A/N: I tweaked it slightly so that he already knew his daughter. And btw her powers are so that she can speak and people will do as she says. Singing too, but just talking will do the trick. Also I’m literally the dumbest person on earth, I kept misspelling ‘sandwich’. I wrote this while listening to the High School Musical soundtracks

Music Meister Tagging: @silverdecepticon93

“Dad!” You shout in panic. “Help me!”

You watch as your dad comes barreling down the grand staircase of the mansion (which he had used his powers to “buy”), nearly slipping on the marble floors. It was way more hilarious because he was still in his pajamas, and had shaving cream on half his face.

He looks around the foyer, expecting to see danger, but everything looks normal. The only thing that tipped him off was his daughter standing in the front doorway, and the mail man was passed out on the porch.

“What happened?” He asked, joining you in the doorway and peering down at the dude.

“I don’t know! The guy told me to have a nice day, I said ‘drop dead’ and he just fell!” You gesture down to the man you potentially just killed.

“First of all, when someone says ‘have a nice day’, the proper response is ‘you too’.” Your dad corrects. “Second of all, is he actually dead?”

“I don’t know! Why do you think I yelled for help?” You raise an eyebrow at him.

Dennis reaches down and finds the mail mans pulse, sighing in relief when there is indeed one.

“He’s not dead...” he stands back up. “How did you do that?”

“What part of ‘I don’t know’ do you not understand?” You cross your arms, frustrated because you’re freaking out and he’s not helping so far.

“Is that sass, Missy?” He puts a hand on his hip.

“Dad! You’re not helping!”

“Okay, okay!” He nods, racking his brain for ideas. Then it hits him. “Oh my god, my darling! You must have developed your powers!”

“What? I thought you said I was too old to get them anymore?” You ask as he wraps you in a bear hug, picking you up and twirling.

“Well I guess that was one of the rare moments I was wrong!” He cheers joyfully as he sets you down. “Okay, tell me to do something.”

“Uh...make me a sandwich?” You shrug.

Nothing happens.

“Try to add a little...emotion. Show me some urgency!” He snaps his fingers. “Give me some pizzazz!”

“Make me a sandwich!” You yell at him, making sure to pour out your frustration.

He suddenly looses emotion in his face, and at first you’re kind of freaked out. Then he robotically moves to the kitchen, opening the fridge and cupboards as he gathers sandwich ingredients. You watch with your jaw dropped as he actually makes you a sandwich, and he blinks as soon as it’s finished. He looks around in confusion, staring at the sandwich in his hands.

“Why am I making a sandwich?” He asked after a minute.

“Holy shit! I did it!” You shout in glee.

“I have taught you better manners than that, but holy shit indeed!” He mirrors your excitement as he runs back over to you. “My baby girl is all grown up!”

“Now, what do we do about the mail man?” You point to him.

“Hm. I’ll take care of this. You go eat, you need some energy for the day we’re going to have!” He grins.

“What are we doing?” You ask.

“My dear, darling daughter, we are celebrating!” He sang. “I’ve been waiting for this day for 15 years! You are getting proper attire for villainy, and we are planning your first heist tonight!”

“Aw! Dad!” You groan in disgust when he kissed you on top of the head, his shaving cream getting in your hair. “Thanks a lot! Now I have to wash my hair again!”

•

“So what color scheme are we going for?” Your dad asks.

“I am not wearing your hideous green and purple.” You mumble as you stare at the stuff he already picked out in resentment. You were currently in some department store, picking out your new villain fit with your dad.

The past couple hours were almost torture, your dad just wouldn’t stop fawning over you. He was so excited and proud though, you couldn’t even get angry at the guy. He was thrilled to begin passing the torch down to you, and both of you were eager to get started.

“Um, I think you mean the gorgeous combination of lime and violet?” He scoffs, clearly offended. “It is one of the only things me and my dear friend Edward can agree on.”

“Well you and your dear friend Edward are wrong.” You shake your head.

“Y/N, it is not rocket science. Just pick something. We still need to give you a name.” He shoved the rack of clothing at you.

“Oh, I picked that out when I was 9.” You say, finally actually looking through the clothes, despite already knowing you wouldn’t like any of it.

Even after your father gave you the news that you would most likely not develop powers since you had passed the age he had received them, you still wanted them. You wanted to become just like your dad, he was your idol. You of course would never tell him that, his ego was way too big already.

“You...you did?” His voice cracks, a smile making its way to his face as he tears up.

“Are we really getting sappy right now?” You sigh.

“No!” He quickly wiped his tears. “No, of course not. What is it, dear? Tell me.”

“Siren. Hypnotic powers through voice? What do you think?” You grin.

“It’s fitting, dramatic, mysterious, threatening. I love it!” He hugs you for about the millionth time today. “Honey you have no idea how happy I am to hear that!”

“Hear what?” You wheeze from the tight hug.

“To hear that you picked out a name! To hear that you’ve wanted this for so long!” He finally let’s go to let you breathe properly. “Now, Siren, have you choosen your attire?”

“Yeah yeah. I hate it though.” You say sarcastically, pretending to be disgusted by the color combo.

You stuff the clothes into your bag, both of you getting ready to slip past the workers. You hear someone clear your throat behind you, and see Karen the Manager. The worst villain of all.

“I’m calling security. Don’t think I didn’t see that.” She sniped at you, sneering at the both of you before saying into her com; “We got a couple of lowlifes trying to smuggle some merchandise.”

“Lowlifes, Karen?” You glare at her. “You can just drop dead, lady!”

Then she falls to the ground.

“Oops, I did it again.” You wince.

“Lesson Number 1, you have got to stop saying that to people.” Your father shakes his head at you. “Not to worry! But we should get out of here before-“

“Hey! Stop right there!” A mall security guard shouts from the entrance of the store.

“Dad, what do we do?” You ask, panicked at this point.

“This is perfect practice! Siren, if you will.” He gestures to the guards coming for the both of you.

“What?!” Your eyes widen.

“Go on!” He nudges you, like a mother bird kicking its hatchling out of the nest. “Lesson Number 2, come up with it on the spot!”

“Stop!” You shout at the guards, and they freeze. “Okay uh...let us go. This never happened.”

“This never happened.” The 3 men nod, still frozen.

You and your dad creep past them, then book it out of the department store. You race down the hallways of the mall, shoving people out of your way. More mall cops pursue you as you dash towards the doors.

“Get the car! I’m right behind you!” Your dad pushes you through the doors.

“But I can’t drive!” You protest as he tosses you the keys.

“Lesson Number 3, go with the flow, my dear!” He grins before turning to deal with the guards.

You reluctantly rush to the car, not really sure how to even start it. You quickly figure it out, then drive to the entrance. Your dad sprints out a moment later, practically falling into the car.

“Step on it!” He screeches as police cars pull up from behind you.

You speed forward, barreling down the road. Your dad grabs the wheel to help guide you, while also looking back every so often to watch the police cars in pursuit.

“This is a lot of trouble for the ugliest outfit ever!” You yell in alarm as you nearly rear end someone, but your dad quickly swerves.

“It’s for the drama, darling!” Your dad beams, turning the radio on. “Plus the publicity!”

“Ew, this song is awful.” You scrunch your nose when he doesn’t change the station.

“I’m a little busy at the moment!” He yells, taking out his music staff and shooting music beams at the police from the sunroof.

You finally lose the cops after awhile, your dad plopping back into the passenger seat. When you make it to your house you stumble out of the car, shaking from the adrenaline rush.

“I’d say that went pretty well for your first crime.” He says after a few moments of silence.

“I think I’m gonna be sick.” You groan.

“Wasn’t that such a thrill?” He ignores you, strutting up to the door. “How do you feel?”

You respond by throwing up in the well trimmed bushes, Dennis cringing as his daughters’ retches. He inches towards you, awkwardly rubbing your back in a weak attempt to comfort you. When you finish he guides you inside and to the table, quickly grabbing you a glass of water.

“You’re okay right?” He asks, concerned. “I didn’t freak you out, did I? I’m a horrible father, I shouldn’t have dragged you into this. I’ve scarred you for life! I am a disgrace! An imbecile! Wretched! Diabolical! Heinous! Wick-!”

“Chillax, drama queen.” You giggle. “The only thing I’m scarred with is the fear of driving ever again.”

“So...you’re okay?” He asks timidly.

“Of course, that was awesome!” You grin. “Did you see me beat Karen? And the cops? And when I almost hit that one guy crossing the road but I didn’t? I just committed my first felony!”

“Hell yeah, you did!” He cheered, giving you the most over the top high five ever. “So I didn’t give my baby any emotional trauma?”

“No, dude! That was so cool! I’m so ready for the next heist!” You give him your best evil grin.

“Thank god, because I already got these custom made.” He pulls a case out of his pocket, opening it to reveal a pair of visors identical to his.

You smile up at him, and this time you initiated the hug. You thank him and kiss him on the cheek, before taking the visor and putting it on. You look in the reflection of the wall length window, then turn to your dad, who has a proud smile on his face.

“How do I look?” You ask.

“You look all grown up...” Dennis sniffles, tearing up once again.

“Dad!”

“I’m sorry! I promise I’ll stop crying one of these days!”

#dc #request #dennis prowell #music meister #prowell! reader #batman brave and the bold #siren

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afterspark-podcast · 3 years

Text

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen: Transcript

[This can also be found on AO3!]

[Intro Music]

O: Welcome back to the madness of King Bay or the second live action Transformers movie, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

S: And our second anniversary episode!

O: [laughs] Yay?

S: I sounded way too perky for that.

O: [laughs] As with the first live-action film if you like Revenge of the Fallen then this may not be the episode for you. But we'll be back soon with G1 episode 41! So please join us then.

S: Mm, Revenge of the Fallen came out in 2009, still starring Shia LaBeouf and still directed by Michael Bay-

O: It is- [laughs] Yeah, I know, pity. Uh, it is frequently considered the worst of the live-action films which is concerning that both Age of Extinction and The Last Knight have even lower ratings on Rotten Tomatoes.

S: That takes some doing.

O: Right!?! [laughs]

S: Uh-huh. Technically, even Dark of the Moon has a lower audience score than this one, but a higher critic score. So, um... make of that what you will?

O: Basically, what we're saying is until Bumblebee came out the uh, series hit its peak with its first movie [laughs]

S: Mm-hm.

O: But! Let's get started today by talking about our initial experiences with this particular film.

S: I don't think I saw this in theaters, and I found it really unmemorable. Uh, aside from there being a few characters that stood out that I still enjoy, but they're very few and far between.

O: Okay, so if you remember in the last- the previous [Bayverse] episode? I didn't remember where I saw the first movie. I remember EXACTLY when I saw this movie because I watched it in theaters for a bachelorette party. Personally, I found the concept of watching a manly action film for a bachelorette party to be fucking hilarious, and I still do! But I really wish it had been for a better movie. I don't remember having much of an opinion on it when I watched it, but I also didn't watch the third movie in the series until literally the last couple of years when I was blazing through a fuck ton of Transformers media. So, I clearly didn't care enough to see the continuation in theaters or even rent or borrow it until well after had been released.

S: We begin, yet again, with narration from the one and only Peter Cullen!

O: According to our opening scene uh, you know, the last movie is not the first time that Earth had been visited by Cybertronians.

S: Ah, shocking! We are shown some craggy mountains populated by ancient humans with spears.

O: Said ancient humans come across a huge Cybertronian installation of some sort and a bunch of Cybertronians.

S: Mm-hmm. Ominous. And then there's a weirdly ancient Egyptian or alien-esque Cybertronian with a staff that's apparently in charge.

O: Several humans are squished, and presumably they're all destroyed before we move on to Shanghai, China in the modern day.

S: Oh, will this be relevant? Who knows!

O: Maybe! Maybe! Maybe.

S: We see the Autobots and the military guys from the last movie now working together to hunt down the remaining Decepticons.

O: The combined group is named N.E.S.T. Short for, “Non-biological Extraterrestrial Species Treaty.”

S: Oh, that's a mouthful.

O: It is, so hence ‘N.E.S.T.’

S: Yeah. There have been some additions to the Autobot roster.

O: Which for simplicity's sake we're going to talk about them now, because they don't really do a lot-

S: Yup.

O: -in the movie. And they do show up (kind of) in that last section but again, very few of them even have lines. I- I think aside from Optimus, the character with the most lines might actually be Ironhide?

S: Yeah. Um, Sideswipe, not a lot of his personality from G1 or any other iteration for that matter is carried over in this, unfortunately. Instead of being a Lamborghini he's apparently decided to channel Tracks and is instead a Corvette Stingray.

O: And yet, still no Sunstreaker to be found, much to my frustration.

S: Jolt, a new character who's not in the movie except at the very end and he has very few fleeting shots in between and has no lines despite his bio saying he's come to Earth to join Optimus’ group in the last two years since the first movie. He seems to use electric whips. [makes whip noises]

O: [laughs]

S: And ah, promptly dies in the Dark of the Moon prequel comic.

O: So he never really does get to do anything.

S: Yeah.

O: So then we have Arcee, Chromia and Elita One. They are referred to as the ‘Arcee Sisters,’ or if you want to get really confusing, the ‘Arcee Twins’!?

S: [laughs]

O: Even though there's three of them-- at some point.

S: Yeah.

O: Uh, but instead of, you know, their- them being referred to by individual names. Apparently, they were written as one entity and while it depends somewhat on what real- related media you're looking at, the three of them are commonly portrayed as a multi-component Transformer much like Reflector. They have very little personality, and they do very little in the movie. Their alt modes are all motorcycles. Arcee is pink or red, depending on the toy, Chromia is blue, and Elita One is purple. Their robot modes sort of resemble Thrust from Beast Machines as they have no legs and function like weird sentient unicycles.

S: Yep, and then there's Skids and Mudflap. Oh boy, where do we start with these two? Well, uh, first, there's definitely someone out there who could have given a better breakdown on this than two random white ladies. Uh, awkward… sorry.

O: Yeah, just in advance we are both white women, we do not know what we're talking about here from a personal perspective.

S: Yeah, so we're just going to sum it up with an extremely uh- in an extremely generalized way. There was a lot of backlash for these two characters due to them possessing a number of racist african-american stereotype- stereotypical traits that at worst point to the people involved being racist in their own regard, or at best, really not thinking through how this was going to come across to the audience. They've been referred to as comic relief in the same vein as Jar Jar Binks at several points. Which is I think a good comparison for our purposes, and unlike the other five characters we just rattled off, these two will feature somewhat prominently in the movie so we'll talk more about them as they pop up.

O: At least kind of in vague sentences because as we said, none of the characters really do very much in this movie.

S: Yeah…

O: Even the ones that are in there for the bulk of the movie, don't do very much in this movie.

S: Yeah.

O: And then our returning Autobots from the first movie are Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Ironhide, and Ratchet.

S: Mm-hm.

O: We see N.E.S.T. surround a construction vehicle that transforms into a huge ass robot mode and begins wrecking shit.

S: Yep. Things go boom and everything's extremely orange and blue regarding the lighting and environment. The second car Decepticon is spotted nearby and he tries to evade N.E.S.T. but is almost immediately bisected by Sideswipe.

O: We don't even really get to see his robot mode either- like, he sort of vaguely transformed I think, to like, crash through a building and then was- turned back into a car and was immediately killed by Sideswipe.

S: Yup. Optimus is fucking airdropped from a plane-

O: [laughs]

S: Uh, to take on the construction vehicle Decepticon.

O: I- I'm pretty sure they just really wanted that shot of a semi driving off a damn plane.

S: Yeah.

O: Which I mean, okay, fair, it's a cool shot but still. Uh, so then we see Optimus transform midair deploying some parachutes that have the Autobot logo on them... for some reason.

S: Is branding that important to the Autobots or their allies? Plus, uh, someone's gonna need to go collect those later.

O: I wanna know why he landed in the middle of a highway- in robot mode!

S: No one here seems to think critically about any of this stuff when they're effectively undercover.

O: Apparently not.

S: I mean how many people with cell phones are taking photos and video of this? TONS!

O: Tons! That becomes somewhat relevant later.

S: Even though people are still being evacuated.

O: Well, yeah- it said people were being evacuated but then to all these- all these shots that happen here, you still see a bunch of cars on the road.

S: Yeah.

O: While this is all happening.

S: And people still in their homes.

O: Yeah!

S: Optimus catches the rogue Decepticon who tells him menacingly, “The Fallen shall rise again!”

O: Hey, if it gets me out of this movie faster I for one welcome our Fallen overlord.

S: Unfortunately, we've got like, another two hours to go.

O: [sighs] Fuck.

S: And now in a completely different movie! Sam is getting ready to leave for college.

O: His parents are having very different reactions. His dad can't seem to wait for him to leave, while his mom is tearing up at every little thing that reminds her of Sam. Apparently, his dad's got plans for his room, and I'm thinking, “Man cave- how creative.”

S: Ah, he wants his personal theater system, I guess. After being hugged by his sobbing mother, Sam comments that, “You see this Dad? This is how you're supposed to react when the fruit of your loins goes into- out of the cruel world to fend for himself.” Okay, god that is such a cringe line.

O: I don't want to think about the fruit of that man's loins. I don't want to think about that man's loins at all, okay!?

S: Neither do I, that's why it's so cringy.

O: Yeah- yeah, thanks- thanks for that Sam.

S: [sighs] We are treated to an awkward moment when Sam's dad spanks his mom on the butt as she walks away. Sam is disgusted- I guess he is our audience surrogate in this moment.

O: His dad then tries to play it off as, “It's like a coach,” and NO that does not make it better! [laughs]

S: That actively makes it worse! Sexual harassment is not okay. Sam is apparently the first Witwicky to go to college.

O: I have questions. Again, what the fuck does Sam's dad do that allows them to have this huge house that didn't require a college degree at any point!? Who knows! Uh, the Witwicky’s have apparently got another dog since the last movie, uh, so just another thing to add to this movie-- dog humping.

S: Lots of dog humping, in their dog condo. It's kind of unsettling.

O: I don't know why they thought that this needed to be in the movie, but here we are.

S: Mikaela calls Sam, intending to break up with him- she is the most emotionally mature person in this movie.

O: Yep, pretty much! They talk, uh, Sam insinuates that they're going to be entering a long-distance relationship while he's at college.

S: While they're talking, Sam pulls out an old ripped t-shirt. His D-Day shirt as he refers to it. Which is apparently, the shirt that he was wearing during the battle in Central City from the first movie.

O: This is important! This is a plot point!

S: Yeah, we also have to assume that he has never washed the nasty shredded clothes from that day. Because, I suppose, he wants to hold them and relive the memories of being chased by giant alien robots that wanted to murder him.

O: [laughs] No clue. Uh, Sam does try to convince Mikaela to move near the college he's going to, but she refuses.

S: Her father's been released from jail since the first movie, and she insists on needing to take care of him. That should not be poor Mikaela's responsibility, but she is the most responsible person in this movie as I said.

O: Well, and I get it, right? Like, her dad just got out, presumably she has not seen- really been able to live with him for years. She's both worried about him, and probably wants to spend time with him.

S: Yeah, that's fair. Convenient plot device is convenient, as a sliver of the AllSpark falls off of Sam's shirt while he's on the phone to Mikaela.

O: It seems to zap Sam and then he drops it.

S: When it lands on the floor it burns its way through the floor and into the kitchen bringing a bunch of kitchen appliances to life.

O: They all attack Sam.

S: How did they get ammo? Does just being brought to life just give them ammo?

O: Uh, dear god, why does one of these things have a penis? That's my question. Furthermore, why is it shooting things OUT OF ITS PENIS!?!

S: Because... Michael Bay.

O: I had- yeah, that's all I got, man.

S: Bumblebee bursts out of the garage and begins shooting at the little Decepticons, saving Sam's sorry ass yet again.

O: Maybe Bee should be trying to smash them instead of shooting at them? They're on the front lawn at this point so all I can think is- their neighbors have to be able to see this!

S: I thought this was in the back lawn, but I'm not sure.

O: I- they're outside, he's no longer in the kitchen. He's trying to shoot Decepticons outside the house, it probably is the backyard, but I don't know. Sam yells at Bee to get in the garage.

S: Way to micromanage your giant robot bodyguard slash friend. [sighs] Again, it's like- you'd yell at a dog or something.

O: [laughs] Bad Bumblebee, bad! Of course, Bee smashed out of the garage, uh, despite having a perfectly good door in front of him and then re-enters through the hole he had previously made.

S: Sam's mother is not happy about the surprise kitchen renovations, but Sam's dad calms her down by telling her that the government will pay for it all.

O: I'm so glad to know that this is where my taxes would be going to in this universe.

S: Well, it's definitely worse than some of the other things that it could be going for.

O: [sighs] I suppose that's true.

S: Sam's mom is like fine, but I want to pool and a hot tub! And I quote, “And I'm going to skinny dip, and you can't say shit about it!”

O: And quite frankly that woman's put up with a lot of stuff, I- I respect- you know as long as she's got a good fence- her right to skinny dip in her own yard. [laughs]

S: Yeah, they need that privacy fence. Sam goes into the garage to tell the audience, I mean uh, Bee, uh, how Bee can't come to college with him.

O: For reference, ignore the bit in the last movie where Bee talked because that's just gonna be ignored for like, three freaking movies.

S: Yeah. To calm Bee down he says, “You'll always be my first car!”

O: Not even, you're my best friend- you're my first car.

S: “Congratulations Bumblebee, you're my possession!”

O: Pretty much!

S: Oh, that's creepy. Sam gives the AllSpark shard to Mikaela for some reason, because Mikaela shows up at the end of all of this.

O: Right, you know like, everything has exploded, Mikaela's out there looking lovely with a bouquet of flowers.

S: Yep, instead of calling the Autobots or giving it to Bumblebee, nope it is given to Mikaela for safe keeping. Well, I mean she is the most sensible person out of the civilians?

O: Everyone here? Yeah, it's not that it- can't make it that- it's not that I don't think Mikaela can keep it safe. She manages to do so quite swimmingly through this movie, but it's rather… not that she can use it at all, and it could potentially be dangerous for her to have it on her person!

S: Yeah.

O: And Bee is right there! It's not like he couldn't give it to Bee and tell Bee to take it to the Autobots.

S: Yeah, like, that would be, uh, a lot more sensible. Though if they'd done that it might have been put in with the other... another thing that happens later in the movie.

O: [laughs] True.

S: Anyway, they smooch, words are said, and a somewhat sappy 2000 era love song plays.

O: Meanwhile, no one seems to notice the toy remote control truck that's being controlled by no one.

S: A remote controlled truck that is somehow communicating with outer space, and somehow this character will be vaguely important

O: Shush! My boy is here!

B: [laugh]

S: Ah, Soundwave shows up and takes over a surveillance satellite.

O: I'm sure I've mentioned this before at some point because I know I've said this multiple times, at least to Specs, but yes, I actually like the Bay version of Soundwave. He's not in the movie much, but having him take over a satellite and spend the rest of the movie gathering intelligence and sending troops out? *chef’s kiss* Feels very in character, keep going baby. His design is still garbage... just like everybody else though.

S: And his voice sounds very nice.

O: That's because it's actually Welker! He's allowed to be in this movie, doing a sizeable chunk of the speaking Decepticons even! This is not a G1 similarity I necessarily expected, but I do find it hilarious. Apparently, he also did the voice for Soundwave in a bunch of other language dubs too, which while interesting... I have to question why? It's not like Soundwave's voice would have necessarily sounded the same in those other languages in the original G1 dub. It just sounds like an odd decision?

S: Money.

O: Money. I- kudos to him for attempting it at least? But I still don't know why they did it.

S: Back at the N.E.S.T. headquarters, we see Mudflap and Skids uh, shenanigans, and they're unloading dozens of bodies! Presumably, soldiers that died in Shanghai, uh- that's, uh, welcome to the morbid stuff that they don't spend any time on it at all.

O: Uh, why Sideswipe silver? You had one job movie, one job. Sideswipe is a little red sports car this is like, his defining characteristic- surely this was doable!

S: I don't think anyone involved in making the movie was a very big fan of G1 or wanted to maintain, you know, artistic integrity with regards to that.

O: [sighs] Yeah, I know, what am I saying? I think the actual reason is I've heard red is harder to film?

S: Oh, that might be right.

O: Like- but- [sighs] I don't- it could be, because I want to say- I'm sorry if I'm incorrect- I want to say that's actually the reason Optimus’ color scheme got changed around quite a bit?

S: Mm.

O: And why he's got more blue on him.

[According to TFWiki: “When Optimus's design was first revealed, many fans of the Generation 1 series objected to the flames seen on Prime's body. When asked in an interview why he put the flames on, Michael Bay claimed he liked them because it was "cool". It was later revealed on a special featurette on the DVD that the flames were added because, apparently, red is not very good to film on camera, so Bay chose a blue truck but used the flames so that when Optimus transformed, the layout would result in maintaining his iconic red chest.”]

S: So, a jumped up government official shows up at N.E.S.T. headquarters.

O: And I think we all know where this is going. Uh, this will be our bureaucratic bastard for this evening.

S: Yeah, you know, the wimpy suit who keeps getting in the way of the ARMY men and their REAL job- AMERICA!

B: [laughs]

S: Sorry, um, and here we have a lovely shot of Optimus transforming. It's like some nice rotating thing.

O: Okay, get the robot transformation porn out of the way, next!

S: [sighs] And the bureaucratic weasel confronts Optimus on why haven't the Decepticons left the planet now that the AllSpark is destroyed, like they thought they would?

O: Optimus seems to take the opinion that Daddy Prime knows best. Weasel's not super happy about this, but Optimus does say the Autobots will leave Earth if asked. Neither of these groups are handling this super amazingly. (Yes, even Optimus.) Both sides have a point, if they'd stop trying to wave their metaphorical DICKS around and actually talk from a position of respecting each other's expertise, I'm betting this would go a whole lot better.

S: Probably. The N.E.S.T. members back Optimus up. Our only returning characters here are Lennox and Epps, both played by the same actors from last time.

O: Though I did not realize this at first. I totally thought Epps was played by somebody completely different, and I'm gonna blame the writing because Epps is not given a lot of things to do here.

S: He was a very memorable character in the first movie.

O: Yeah.

S: Yeah, and uh, anyway back to college! College away!

O: Sam's apparently going to Princeton, on the government's dime no less!

S: Oh god, he does absolutely nothing with it in later films. Again, we're assuming due to the filming locations that Sam lives in Southern California or thereabouts so we're a bit surprised to realize he actually decided to go to college on the other side of the country.

O: It certainly doesn't come across like Mikaela is a priority in his life.

S: Yeah. I mean seriously, he could have gone to school in California there's plenty of good schools in California.

O: Yup! But uh, are you ready for some booze and boobs?

S: [sighs] We're introduced to Sam's roommates.

O: The only one that will actually play much of a role in the plot will be our buddy, Leo here.

S: I hope you're being sarcastic.

O: I mean- I mostly mean that he's there.

S: Well, no, I meant with the buddy bit.

O: [speaking while laughing] Uh, yes, that was sarcasm.

S: Yeah. Uh, Leo runs a conspiracy theory website called The Real Effing Deal which is currently scrambling to get a- footage of the fight from Shanghai. Uh, from earlier in the movie up on their site.

O: Which again, is ABUNDANT! Because Optimus landed in the middle of a highway.

S: Yup.

O: Anyway, they're trying to do this until another person, Robo-Warrior, one ups them and gets the footage up, I think on a different site, first.

S: Yeah. Sam does his best to play cool and blow Leo and his friends off because it's all, “Fake.” [laughs]

O: Also, I'd like to take- take a moment to note the era accurate Naruto poster decor among the sea of boobs.

S: Yeah. Leo makes a comment that he and Sam are poor.

O: Alright! Sit down and buckle up because this legitimately pissed me the fuck off. So to rant for a moment, let's go back down the checklist of Sam's white fucking privilege, shall we? He lives in a big house in a nice neighborhood. In what we are assuming is Southern California, which is not a cheap place to live. His parents have enough time for leisure activities and in fact, go on vacation in Paris after dropping Sam off.

S: Yup.

O: His dad bought him a car in the last movie and yes, he was very much implied to be being a cheap ass at the time, but at no point is there any indication he couldn't have bought Sam a nicer car.

S: And the car that he's driving when he like, jerks him around on what type of car he's going to get him, it looks like it's a fancy expensive car so...

O: That's also true! Speaking as someone who grew up in a lower income rural area, and I say this not even remotely being the worst off in that area. Our floors were rotting out, every time we had a heavy rain we had to run to the windows with towels because so many of them leaked, and more applicable in this situation- my family did not have the money to save up for college for me, or any of my siblings. Yes, I realize the government is apparently paying for his tuition, but that just proves my point even more, because Sam's gonna come out of this with no student loan debt!

S: Yup!

O: So poor my fucking ass!

S: Uh-huh. Sam's mom shows up in his dorm room high is a goddamn kite because she apparently bought and ate some brownies from the bake sale not realizing that they were weed brownies.

O: And she's just gonna be a punchline for the next several scenes, sorry.

S: Yeah. To just list a few of the things that his high as a kite mother does: She talks about him losing his virginity loudly, and kind of at length to various women in the hallway. [nervous laugh] And in the surrounding environs, mentioning that his car is a talking robot, tackles a dude for some frisbees, and petitions Sam's dad for sex on the campus green. Considering how much she ate it's very likely she will need to go to the hospital because her knees may attempt to kill her.

O: Uh, then we cut the Soundwave, apropos of nothing, uh, ejecting Ravage into space. Look, I get him for 10 seconds I'm going to fucking enjoy it.

S: Ravage’s design here is very prominent with the pointy bits and teeth.

O: Rawr. [laughs]

S: And he lands near a US military base and runs over to a pipe sticking out of the ground and basically- uh, ralphs up a bunch of itty-bitty bots?

O: Into the pipe. Uh, you know. So I’m just saying uh, Soundwave’s baby had babies, this clearly makes Soundwave a grandad.

B: [laugh]

S: All the bots fall down the pipe and once they're at the other end meld together to form a new bot that is...gah.

O: He's interesting! At least, visually, in that he is basically flat, so he can be borderline invisible when he's looking head-on at something.

S: He looks like a knife raptor.

O: Uh, this thing's name is Reedman and he doesn't show up except in this one scene. Uh, he also brings our ‘Decepticons voiced by Frank Welker’ count up to three after Soundwave and Ravage.

S: Reedman?

O: Reedman, yeah! I looked at the wiki!

S: [laughs]

O: I looked at the wiki, and I was like, “That's a terrible name!” but that's the name!

S: I am judging whoever named that character, so hard.

O: [laughs] Aren't we just judging the entire movie?

S: Oh yes, but…Reedman?

O: Fuck if I know, man.

S: Another piece (aside from Sam's piece) of the AllSpark is being held here so, uh, Reedman gets to work stealing it.

O: Alarms begin to go off and several military guys arrive at the bunker and shoot at our knife raptor.

S: Ravage begins firing at the base to distract them.

O: I'm very amused he's got his tiny little hip missiles too!

S: Meanwhile, back at the plot we're all absolutely dying to continue- cough, cough, no, cough.

O: [laughs]

S: Sam's been dragged to a college frat party by his roommates?

O: It looks like a frat party. I don't even know why they want to bring Sam uh, they don't even seem to like him.

S: Eh, they want to have someone less cool with them so that basically they can be like, “Hey, look at that lame guy, we're much cooler.”

O: Well, Sam is definitely the least cool person in the area right now due to mommy shenanigans.

S: Yeah, while at the party Sam is missing his first video call with Mikaela. God, you are such a sucky long distance boyfriend, Sam!

O: Right!? You had one job! So we see Mikaela getting ready, taking her hair down and talking to her doggo while getting her computer set up.

S: Sam's- uh, promptly begins to spazz out by the uh, snack table and draws strange symbols with food.

O: These symbols are Cybertronian and the AllSpark fragment has helpfully downloaded a bunch of stuff directly into Sam's brain.

S: [sighs] We've upgraded from they want the glasses to they're going to want the brain, aren't they?

O: Something along those lines, yes! Quite frankly, again, I think they can have it. [laughs]

S: One partygoer notices Sam's new hobby and saunters over to seduce herself to him.

O: [laughs] Uh, blondie's name is Alice, and don't worry we'll get to see her panties later because what the absolute fucking fuck Bay!?!

S: [sighs] Bay, why- why'd you hurt me so? [sighs] There's a discussion about girlfriends and Sam says, “kind of,” in regards to having one.

O: Kind of? KIND OF!?! Sam, you dick waffle!

S: [sighs] The quintessential jock yells, “Who drove the freaking yellow Camaro!?”

O: Sam’s Bee senses tingle, and he leaves the party.

S: Bee is waiting outside on the lawn, or possibly the bushes but…

O: In that general vicinity! [laughs]

S: Yeah, but Alice follows him down and hops into Bee's passenger seat.

O: Bee attempts to communicate to Sam that this woman is ~baaaad news~ using various voice clips and songs. And this would have been a really interesting bit if Bee did have his voice back and he had to communicate with Sam like this because he's doing it in front of Alice!

S: Yeah, like, that would have been interesting and a neat way of utilizing his past experience to communicate.

O: Yeah, because I- I don't know remember if we've talked about this super much but there- there's nothing wrong with Bee still relying a bit on that because it is kind of funny and entertaining to see. It's- just make it so he has to use it in scenarios with other people around?

S: Yeah, god, he could do so much with musical lyrics.

O: Pretty much!

S: Alice seems to know something is up, as Bee makes her as uncomfortable as physically possible as he can, including spraying her with a icky yellow liquid and slamming her into the dashboard.

O: She exits in a huff before Bumblebee takes Sam to a graveyard where the rest of the Autobots are waiting.

S: So that was night. Now we are inexplicably in the daytime, I think?

O: Morning. Early morning it looks like.

S: Yeah. Optimus tells Sam the last piece (or as much as he is aware) of the AllSpark was stolen and attempts to convince Sam to remind the other humans why the Autobots are necessary and why they're trying to use a college student for this is a big question.

O: I don't know- and Sam says no, because he's just a normal college student. I don't understand this, I feel like I would jump at a chance like this? Like, dude, does it have good health insurance? Does it have a pension? Yes? Sign me the fuck up! But I want to ask, why the heck didn't Sam tell the Autobots here about the fragment he gave to Mikaela!?

S: Because he's a shitty little baby- I mean, obviously.

O: Oh, [unintelligible]. Then out in the middle of the ocean in a different movie… Over the Laurentian Abyss, which is where the dead Cons were dumped in the last movie. Several Decepticons have stowed away on what looks like a cargo ship.

S: The fact that it's going directly over where they need to go is uh... they probably hacked it.

O: Wouldn't shock me.

S: Yeah, so who the Decepticons are is absolutely unimportant. The only recognizable one is Ravage.

O: And I think only one other one will actually get named.

S: Yeah.

O: Uh, so they all jump off the ship and into the water, and I have to you know, bring up- they specifically said they dumped the dead bodies into this trench because of the pressure and cold in the last movie. So, why are all these Cons just perfectly fine with a little skinny dipping?

S: I mean, maybe it's just supposed to keep- I don't know, whatever self-repair systems the dead ones have from working and it doesn't do shit to like, perfectly fine robots? I don’t know.

O: They were using cold as a weapon against them in one though. Like, against Bee.

S: That's absolutely true, but I mean, if cold didn't [did] do anything to them how would they operate in space?

O: I don't know, but they clearly had Megatron on ice.

S: Who knows... yeah.

O: And he got frozen in the Arctic!

S: Yeah, I know, the entire thing is garbage. It may be- maybe water- maybe frozen water is their kryptonite? God. [laughs]

O: Welcome to Earth! [laughs]

S: Why didn't they dismember the Decepticons, or incinerate them? Or you know, take important parts, crush them, destroy them or whatever. Like, throw them in 100 different places- that would work a lot better than this! Run them through a trash compactor or something, before they dump them down into the Laurentian tre- Abyss.

O: I’ll tell you exactly why. Uh, because the government put out a bid for trash removal and the lowest bidder won.

S: The government does stupid things, many times. [sighs] We see a military sub monitoring this area, reading the five Cybertronian life signs.

O: They reach Megatron and a little doctor bot (whose name is Scalpel), starts uh, poking around at his corpse.

S: [sighs] He shouts about his need for parts, and one of the nameless Constructicons is offed. The parts and the AllSpark fragment are all shoved into Megatron.

O: So Megatron's back.

S: Yup.

O: And yet, still voiced by Hugo Weaving so I don't care. No offense, Hugo Weaving. Uh, get back to me in two movies. Also notice they didn't kill Ravage here, because I'm entirely convinced Soundwave would end them.

S: Probably, because I mean, they did like- the little doctor boss specified, “Kill the little one!”

O: It- to- pointing to a random Constructicon.

S: Yeah. Fun bout of bad continuity, the radar shows the five life signs, as Ravage and Scalpel are both too small to show up, and then uh, when they come up they have six life signs but uh, you'll remember they had to kill a Constructicon down there. So uh, it should be this same number, even with Megatron in tow. Or maybe they brought the other Con- Decepticons back to life, I don't know?

O: I don't think so, we never see them. They could have brought Blackout back to life, but we'll get into why they didn't later.

S: I mean maybe they brought uh, shoot- Scorponok?

O: No, Scorponok never died in the first movie.

S: Oh… well… yeah.

O: He just- they got his tail like-

S: Oh, that’s right.

O: The- the army guys cut off his tail but then he disappeared.

S: Oh, that's right. Mm.

O: Megatron's apparently salty enough at humans though, in general, to smash through this- the military sub on his way up, so all those people are dead now.

S: He'd do that even if he wasn't feeling salty, you know that.

O: Oh yeah, he's a bastard, but you know.

S: Uh, Megatron flies to one of Saturn's moons where the Nemesis is being uh, well, it's parked and is used as a base by some of the remaining Decepticons, which includes our old buddy Starscream. And he knocks Starscream around for taking over the Decepticons while he was ‘away’.

O: You know, while he was literally fucking dead. [laughs]

S: And so we are introduced to the Darth Sidious to Megatron's Darth Maul.

O: Including liberal use of the word ‘disciple’!

S: [sighs] So much sighing. This is the Fallen whose name we will not find out in the movie itself because it would be really fucking confusing to have Megatron, and his master, Megatronus, running around.

O: Also, um, a bunch of little baby robots in pods? On the wall.

S: Robot eggs. So many robot eggs.

O: But no really, I'm not sure we can explain that any better than we just did- so just roll with it.

S: Yeah. Anyway, the Fallen isn't shown to have an alt mode in this, but once you see him you do realize he was the Transformer that was shown at the very beginning of the movie while Optimus was monologuing.

O: And as kind of mentioned previously, he looks vaguely like the queen from Alien, but you know, with eyes and a huge staff he fights with.

S: And less arms and no tail.

O: Yeah. Apparently though, only a Prime can kill the Fallen. Don't ask us how the fuck that works!

S: I guess only a Prime can kill a Prime? Because wasn't the Fallen a Prime?

O: Yes, he was considered a Prime but I don't- I still don't know how the mechanics of that work is what I'm getting at.

S: Is it just a weird cultural hangup?

O: I- I don't know! That's what I'm saying, it's never explained!

S: I know, I know. This will get weird in a bit.

O: [laughs]

S: It will! [sighs]

O: But they're like, “So if we remove that one pesky remaining Prime we’ll be off scot-free!” [laughs]

S: Yep. The Fallen explains that the AllSpark cannot be destroyed it can merely be transformed.

O: Everything transforms on Cybertron, but right now the AllSpark is currently living rent free in Sam's head.

S: And I think he wants some goddamn rent, but I think we all want some goddamn rent for having this living rent free in our heads.

O: [laughs] Right!?! Bay, you should pay us for watching this movie!

S: [sighs] So, the Decepticons are going to go after Sam (again), kill Optimus, or at least make another attempt at it (again), and presumably somehow use Sam's brain as they AllSpark.

O: But then Starscream walks in holding a dead robot baby, waving it around and saying they need more Energon or all the hatchlings will continue to die.

S: Well, someone apparently… uh.

O: I just don't know why this is here. I'm sorry, I don't- I don't know why they felt the need to have Starscream motioning while holding a dead baby!

S: [laughs] Being a very bad nurse maid-

O: Yes! But now it's time to go back to school.

S: I already want to hit someone in this class well, multiple someones. Sam is setting it in on his physics class.

O: With the absolute creepiest, filthiest, fucking professor I have seen in a good long while.

S: Ah, innuendos, a god complex, this man is so many sexual harassment lawsuits, and a restraining order waiting to happen.

O: This is not appealing! Who the fuck does this appeal to?

S: I don't know but I'm ace, so I'm possibly not the best person to ask.

O: Is this a straight woman thing!? Where the hell are we gonna find one of those this time of night?

B: [laugh]

S: Sam starts freaking out like he was uh, doing at the party, writing equations, and stuff all over the board. He basically gets up, and bowls his way into- up to the front of the class and basically shows up the shitty professor.

O: Uh, Bulkhead did this in Prime, I'd like to personally nominate Bulkhead as our main character instead of Sam.

S: Oh yeah, Bulkhead would be a much more fun character. Sam is promptly kicked out of the class uh, because showing up the professor and also the fact that the dean is apparently there. So he's been- that professor has been like this while the dean is there.

O: Yes, so, uh, obviously he's sleeping with the old lady too, is what I'm getting from this.

S: That's creepy, it's even worse! I mean, this is a female dean.

O: Yeah, female dean not just a random like, male dean, I mean an older female dean!

S: [sighs] Oh god. Sam calls Mikaela mid freak out, and realizes that the AllSpark has caused his little problem.

O: Uh, so he asks her to bring the AllSpark fragment to him on the East Coast. Uh, by the way I would just like to take a moment to tell you this very important information, Mikaela's dog's name is Bones.

S: Uh, the little remote controlled truck Decepticon, who we regret to inform you is this universe's version of Wheelie, uhh, is stalking around the garage where Mikaela is.

O: Wheelie, uh, clearly hasn't gotten the memo on you know, Mikaela taking out a Decepticon with a power tool in the first movie, decides to be a dumbass and say, “You're hot, but you're not too bright,” as he attempts to steal the AllSpark fragment.

S: The fact that Wheelie has some sort of metric for human um, attractiveness is honestly, really concerning.

O: Just a little bit.

S: [sighs]

O: Uh, predictably though, Mikaela fucks him up with a welding torch, including taking out one of his optics.

S: Wheelie begs for mercy from the Warrior Goddess.

O: At last Mikaela is given a proper title.

S: Uh-huh, and then Mikaela shoves him in a box and hops on a plane.

O: Metal box, I feel like it's important it does actually hold him.

S: Yeah, a metal box, and hops on a plane with him and the AllSpark. And honestly this feels like something that she couldn't successfully do after 9/11.

O: Which is hilarious, because this was definitely filmed after 9/11. So we just have to go with she's so sexy that she was able to get the big metal box on the plane without having to go through an x-ray.

S: Except that everything that goes on the plane when you check it should go through x-ray…

O: I know, I know!

S: Or-

O: Boobs! The power of boobs!

S: Never mind that the power of boobs should not, you know, somehow affect the people that do not get exposed to the boobs.

O: See- see this is why uh, this movie would have been stopped in its tracks if one of the TSA agents had been a woman- a straight woman.

S: Or one of the people who sorts stuff or- because like, just imag-

O: It looked like it was her carry-on.

S: Now I'm just imagining that the people, because like you know how they sometimes go and randomly open bags to go through the contents? [laugh] I'm just imagining someone doing that and then there being a major freak out because out comes a stupid remote controlled car that’s yelling at everyone.

O: [laughs] Yeah… yeah.

S: Uh, then we cut to a short segment showing that all the Autobots are heading to locations on the East Coast as the rest of N.E.S.T. mobilizes.

O: But wait! Decepticon pretenders are afoot at Princeton!

S: That's not ominous at all. Sam is in his room going nuts and writing stuff on the wall.

O: Uh, and then Alice pushes her way into Sam's room and attempts a rather forceful seduction.

S: She straight up picks him up and tosses him on the bed.

O: Which really should have been his first clue that something was very wrong!

S: Yeah, because Alice is not uh, portrayed as a…

O: A big woman.

S: Yes.

O: She's very slight and conventionally attractive.

S: Yeah, so she gets on top of him, and then we get the most awkward shot of Decepticon panties as the metal tail comes out from underneath Alice's extremely short dress.

O: Thanks for that Michael Bay. I always, always wondered what brand of underpants Decepticons were wear, given the chance.

S: [sighs] She kisses Sam, apparently with tongue, and Mikaela walks in and is understandably pissed.

O: Alice asks if she's his girlfriend and Mikaela just says, “Ex,” and walks out, and I'm just like, “Yes, girl DRAG him!”

S: And meanwhile, Leo is sort of fluttering around in the background.

O: Yes, uh, because Alice pushed past him to get into their dorm room.

S: Sam attempts to follow, but Alice is 99% done with his dumb ass.

O: Uh, she attempts to strangle him with her suddenly very long and metal tongue.

S: Ah, that has apparently been places I do not want to think about.

O: I do not want to think about any of this, yeah.

S: Yeah. Sam is able to escape, and we see Alice transform into a very obvious robot.

O: Sam, Mikaela, and Leo run into a nearby library where Sam and Mikaela begin having a whisper argument.

S: They're busy whisper shouting this entire time. Alice catches up and smashes through the library, still chasing them.

O: I'm surprised this thing still has hair in robot mode.

S: Hair? I mean its still got boobs!

O: Bay, what the fuck!?

B: [laugh]

O: So they hop in the car, Mikaela saves both their butts by hot wiring it, and slamming Alice into a lamp post before running her over again with the car.

S: Where was Bumblebee during all of this?

O: Uh, he was actually with the Autobots a few- the other Autobots a few scenes back, so he's definitely not here.

S: Yeah unfortunately Sam and company don't get very far and are captured by Grindor who picks them up like, so you know those uh, claw machines-

O: [laughs]

S: At grocery stores? Grindor basically does that and then he carries them off, like- they’re his claw machine loot. Nearly losing one in the process.

O: I mean, truely, they kind of are. So, uh, you- to- get- you know how I just mentioned that they definitely couldn't have brought Blackout back to life? That is because Grindor looks exactly like Blackout, but he's not Blackout. Because Blackout died at the end of the last movie, and we totally thought he was Blackout and he's even listed as Blackout on some of the toys and a good chunk of promotional material, but- but he's a different character. I don't know why they did this.

S: I don't know they wanted to keep the trademark in use, maybe?

O: [groans]

S: For the Grindor name, because they used it- I think, in anime- Armada. I think they used it in Armada, so this was probably just blatant patent-

O: It was bad though. [laughs]

S: Oh yeah, I know. Or um, trade- name trademarks? I don't know.

O: But he makes a Decepticon number four voiced by Welker.

S: Mm-hm. So, the car is dropped into some kind of warehouse where Sam is confronted by the now very alive Megatron.

O: Who's definitely holding a grudge against Sam for the whole ‘killing him in the last movie’ thing.

S: Yep, Sam is laid out on a concrete slab and Scalpel gets to work. Starting with shoving a metal squid down Sam's throat, uhh…

O: No, no, no! No, no, no, no, NOPITY, nope, nope, nope nope!

S: Yeah, this is uh, pretty gross and I don't like it and I don't think anyone else likes it either. A metal squid uh, exits his mouth and projects images of what's in Sam's brain. [groans]

O: But! This is apparently not all the information in his brain, as Scalpel definitely intends to remove it from his head.

S: Sam is saved just in time by the Autobots.

O: I want to know how Megatron even got into this warehouse. There's not any like, big holes that we can see or anything, aside from the one Grindor- when Grindor dropped the car through.

S: Yeah, there really don't seem to be any openings big enough for him that we can see.

O: Okay, just going to assume mass shifting in this continuity for no good reason, okay.

S: Either that or he did the stupid ‘I'm a contortionist’ through the door, which seems way more respect for the -

O: [laughs] Robot limbo!

S: That seems to be way more uh, respect for the integrity of this building than Megatron should feel.

O: Yes!

S: Ah, so, um, Leo and Mikaela escape in Bee while Optimus takes Sam.

O: So they're separated, and Optimus has to fight Megatron alone. And Megatron turns into a tank for a split second! I didn't even realize this version of him could BE a tank!

S: Yeah, he's a multiformer?

O: Apparently!

[In the background crowd noises are heard as the hosts begin speaking like sports announcers.]

O: But now, it's the match of the century here at the Forest Fighting arenaaaa!

S: It's Megatron versus Optimus tonight, folks!

O: The Warlord himself versus Optimus Fucking Prime! [laughs]

[A wrestling bell rings in the background to signify the start of the match.]

S: Optimus gets a good right hook in.

O: Right before being tackled by Megatron!

S: Is that legal?

O: Hell if I know! It's giant robots, it's all the same amount of legal!

S: Oh! He's got the tree!

[The crowd increases in volume.]

S: Optimus has got the tree!

O: What a hit, you know that one must have hurt!

S: And now it's a sword fight? They both are up and swinging away!

O: It just turned into a three-on-one match, folks!

[The crowd begins booing.]

S: Oh no- no, Optimus- Starscream and Grindor have joined the fray!

O: Wait, somehow a human's gotten into the arena.

S: Starscream and Megatron are chasing him down.

[The crowd increases in volume]

O: But Optimus has intercepted them and has taken them both on!

S: Starscream has been tossed out of the arena- out of bounds, out of bounds!

O: Optimus has gone through a tree!

S: Now the Cons are all just taking turns hitting him. You hate to see it folks, you hate to see it!

O: Optimus is eatin’ dirt!

S: But he's back and now dual wielding blades!

O: Grindor’s lost an arm!

S: Megatron’s taken a good one to the kneecap.

O: And hit to the face!

S: That's it! That's it for Grindor! Hook, line and sinker!

[The crowd roars.]

O: Oh, he must have a splittin’ headache!

S: Or at least he would if he still had a head.

O: But Optimus is distracted before taking the blade to the chest!

[A wrestling bell sounds to signify the end of the match.]

O: That's it! It's all over! Optimus is down, I repeat- Optimus is down! Megatron's the winner!

[Applause and the crowd noise fades out]

O: No really, Optimus is dead now, because Bay wants to make us feel things.

S: Except very badly, and unfortunately, this Optimus didn’t back up his brain on a floppy disk. And I mean there is no pathos here!

O: Of course somehow during all of this no one ends our suffering by squishing Sam accidentally or otherwise.

S: [sighs]

O: [laughs]

S: The rest of the Autobots drive up just in time to see Optimus body.

O: Where the fuck were they!?!

S: Being useless.

O: Yeah, that checks out.

S: Megatron and Starscream flee and land on a skyscraper in the middle of a city, and then argue about what to do next. And we cut to Soundwave doing what he does best, remotely managing resources.

O: Which in this case means tracking Sam's parents down in Paris as they enjoy some fine parisian food, and prank calling them.

S: Yeah, his mom is not impressed about the heavy breathing. Such as it is.

O: We then see several Decepticons, including The Fallen, fall to Earth taking out several air carriers and buildings as they land.

S: One of these Decepticons captures Sam's parents.

O: The Fallen sends out a tv broadcast basically spelling out that he wants Sam turned over to him in order to spare the rest of the planet.

S: Ah, the news story is shown, letting us know that worldwide the number of casualties is in the ballpark of seven thousand, and well, that's not as horrifying as it came across initially, but mmm…

O: Just seven thousand, for the entire world? I, for one, welcome our Decepticon overlords. In case you're watching this in the future, we're recording this at the tail end of 2020 and we live in the US. That's literally less than 30% of the US’ current Covid death count at this point- eh- while we were researching this episode. It's probably more now.

S: Sam, Mikaela, Leo, Bee, and the Twins are hiding out in, and around some abandoned buildings.

O: Leo's upset, but Sam tells him to suck it up because he's involved now.

S: A helicopter dumps Optimus’ body over at N.E.S.T., and that was not a respectful handling of a dead body.

O: To be fair, he is very big, and the humans are very small, and that was not an Autobot helicopter.

S: Yeah, but that was effectively a world leader.

O: Yeah, Ironhide is upset and uh, begins to get antsy with his guns.

S: Mr. Government Weasel shows up and shuts N.E.S.T. down. Lennox gets upset when he realizes the US government is planning out to hand Sam over.

O: And they're right to consider it! You should (theoretically speaking) hand over one person if has the possibility of stopping a massive amount of death!

S: The problem is it wouldn't stop the massive amount of death, and it would just let them basically strip mine the planet because the Decepticons- the name starts with deception.

O: Fair, but the only ones who would know that are the Autobots and possibly members of N.E.S.T. From the perspective of government officials, who do not have this information, it makes sense.

S: Yeah. Skids and Mudflap clue the group in on trying to find someone who can read the Cybertronian text the AllSpark downloaded into Sam's brain.

O: Leo has decided to join them on their uh, “adventure”.

S: In quotation marks. Which is probably uh, for the best because he knows a guy who might be able to help.

O: Remember the rival internet guy from before?

S: Guess who's back from the first movie, and it might not be your first thought!

O: That's right, Agent Simmons from the first movie, who is no longer- is a no longer an agent, is Robo-Warrior.

S: I feel like the tech guy from the first movie would have probably made a better Robo-Warrior.

O: Yeah, I do too... I do too.

S: [sighs] So, Sam and company arrive at Simmons’ mom's deli, or possibly his deli that his mom works at too or something? I don't know it…

O: It's not very clear.

S: Yeah.

O: Uh, come to find out that Simmons has held on to some old Sector 7 documents.

S: Not just some, uh, he stole a lot of shit from Sector 7. Like, enough to fill like a sub basement.

O: [snorts] Uh, now Mikaela pulls out Wheelie, who has been in tow in the metal box.

S: Uh-huh.

O: Uh, smooth talking him into helping them.

S: Wheelie also can't read the writing from before, saying that it's in the ‘language of the Primes’ and that they need a Seeker.

O: I had completely forgotten they referred to these guys as Seekers until we watched this again. I kind of had a ‘what the fuck’ moment.

S: Same. Seekers, in this continuity are ancient Cybertronians that had been tasked with traveling the galaxy, looking for stars to use as energy sources for the AllSpark. This is a little bit of a hint, hint, hint, for uh, something that might happen later.

O: In a convenient coinkydink, some of Simmons’ old documents show several of these Seekers in their alt modes.

S: Wheelie is able to identify an SR-71 Blackbird in the National Air and Space Museum as a Seeker.

O: So off the gang goes to Washington DC.

S: Outside the National Air and Space Museum, Simmons rips off his pants, revealing the Sector 7 thong to the audience... and then turns around so we can get the view from every angle. That’s-

O: No, no, no. I did not need to see robot balls. I did not need to see hairy man balls, and I certainly did not need to see hairy man ass! I'm not even sure why he did this!? I assume he changed pants but I don't know why he did that right here, in a parking lot, in front of everyone!

S: For the pain, I don't know.

O: [laughs]

S: And thus, they come up with the most amazing scheme to get into the museum as it's closing. Leo's being a coward and Simmons intimidates him a bit.

O: Oh god! That man is pressing his man meat against that man's meat!

S: [sighs] Inside the museum, Leo comes out of the bathroom with his pants… mmm, like, down around his ankles, looking for toilet paper.

O: Why did they want to do this to me? I am feeling personally attacked by the quantity of hairy man I am seeing in this movie!

S: Why are they doing this to us? It’s not just to you-

O: Why are they doing this to everyone!?! [laughs]

S: Yeah. The security guard escorts Leo back into the bathroom, chastising him about how this is a family museum.

O: Yeah, the only one guy doing their job here is the security guard, okay?

S: Yeah, and [he] attempts to hand them toilet paper over the top of the stall.

O: Leo then zaps him with a taser and the man falls to the ground.

S: Of course Leo manages to uh, taze himself with the taser too and falls down, kind of by the guy, and is unable to move.

O: Simmons comes in and drags Leo, still twitching, out of the bathroom.

S: I am hoping that his pants are up, but god who knows with this movie-

O: I don't think they were when he started dragging him. [laughs]

S: God, why?

O: Oh, there was butt- his butt cheeks were ALL over that floor.

S: [sighs] So, they run through the museum and find the correct jet, and then Sam uses the AllSpark fragment on that jet.

O: You would think that perhaps, perhaps, before using an AllSpark fragment to wake a Cybertronian up you might check his goddamn faction badge first but, NOOOO! It’s only after the jet begins to transform they notice the goddamn Decepticon symbol.

S: We are introduced to easily what is not only the best robot character in this movie, but quite possibly the best character in the movie, period.

O: Meet Jetfire! He's old, he's cranky, he's a delight, and he's got a pretty sweet looking beard.

S: Yep, and a cane made from his alt mode’s landing gear. You know, for extra old man points.

O: Now bit of a tangent, but in G1 you will remember Skyfire. Our big sweetie pie scientist.

S: Starscream’s ex, you can't forget that.

O: Can’t forget that, and also frequently utilized as a taxi service by the Autobots.

S: Well, Skyfire is often named Jetfire instead, depending on the continuity. You know, name stuff is weird...

O: Yeah, and- but this Jetfire doesn't have too much in common with our big old scientist, I just wanted to point out that he was clearly referencing him. Um, but the one thing he does have in common and the most important thing to the idiots we're following, is that he is a Decepticon defector.

S: Mm-hmm. Jetfire attempts to fire at a large door to get outside but is uh, having some uh, ‘performance issues’ with his equipment.

O: [laughs] Uh, he is able to get outside, so our party follows him um... into Arizona. And yes, we know that movies often have to be shot at other locations, or fudge locations and make certain events work. But I find this one particularly jarring as they are clearly in a desert with mountains off in the distance which does not line up with the geography around Washington DC.

S: Yeah, considering that it was what, a swamp?

B: [laugh]

O: Definitely not a desert with mountains!

S: Yeah, ah, this part was actually filmed at the 309th Aerospace Maintenance and Regeneration Group, or The Boneyard, in Tuscan, Arizona.

O: Jetfire gives a speech about how being an Autobot or a Decepticon is a choice.

S: An intensely personal choice, even. And Wheelie's like, “Holy shit it IS!?!”

O: And proceeds to start humping Mikaela's leg, charming.

S: [long drawn out sigh] So many sighs.

O: [laughs] I don't understand all the humping in this movie Bay, I really don't.

S: Juvenile male humor?

O: I guess?

S: Guys think humping shit is funny, somehow? I don't know. [sighs] Jetfire shows his uh, senility a little bit talking about his parents.

O: “My father? Why he was a wheel! The first wheel, and you know what he transformed into? Nothing! But he did so with honor- dignity, damn it!”

S: And that is a direct quote-

O: [laughs]

S: Straight from the man himself!

O: He's a delight.

S: [sighs] Sam pulls out a knife and begins carving the uh, Cybertronian symbols into the ground. I mean, where- where'd he get the knife? I have questions.

O: Thong man? Probably?

S: Disconcerting- disconcertingly, yes, that is probable. Um, Jetfire blabbers off about the Dagger's Tip before generating a space bridge, and teleporting everyone to Egypt with uh, very little warning. I mean the only warning he gives them is, “Hold on or you'll die!” to the nearby squishies

O: I also feel like we need to preface, Dagger's Tip as in a location, not talking about the- the knife Sam is holding. Realize that might be a little confusion without- confusing without context.

S: Yeah, and are Bumblebee and the Twins… are also here?

O: The Twins are also here translated- trans- translated? Transported.

S: Okay, because yeah, they apparently showed up after they they exited and mass translocated to Arizona. [sighs] Life is weird in this movie.

O: Yeah, so uh, then Jetfire informs us that once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away… The original seven Primes had arrived on Earth to build a device called a Star Harvester which can create Energon by destroying suns. Wait, seven!?! Did they just pick a number at random!?

S: Probably. I don't think whoever it was making this movie cared about the lore that was in other parts of the series.

O: At least seven is also a prime number…

S: Yeah... I mean, heck, I don't remember if they had a different number in [the] Cybertron [tv series]? Because Cybertron I think, did have a list of Primes.

O: I think the number’s are usually 13.

S: Yeah, but it's just- I don't remember when that number came up-

O: Mm- that’s fair.

S: If it was before or after this.

[Okay, this is mildly confusing, (as Transformers lore often is) but the rough concept for The Thirteen has been around since 1999, but was really only solidified in 2004-2005 into specifically, Thirteen Primes. All that being said, even if that wasn’t established in the first movie, it certainly would have been by the time they were creating the sequel. Also, several adaptations of this movie do have thirteen Primes, not seven, and designs had been created for 12 (non-Fallen) Prime heads, so who knows what the heck happened with this behind the scenes. ~O]

S: Yeah, and while they had a rule about not destroying suns that supported life, the Fallen decided that the humans sucked, and tried to turn it on anyway because-

O: He's a dick! [laughs]

S: He was basically the equivalent of a pissy house proud lady who, with a- whose house had a mouse infestation and he wanted to demolish it anyway but… The humans are the mice in this metaphor.

O: [laughs] Uh, the Primes tried to fight him but were unable to actually defeat him.

S: Considering that only a Prime is supposed to be able to defeat the Fallen this is somehow extremely disappointing. So they took the Matrix of Leadership and sealed it in a tomb made of their own bodies.

O: The Matrix of Leadership is a reoccurring McGuffin in the Transformers lore, but for some inexplicable reason in this continuity it is basically just a ‘key’ for the Star Harvester.

S: Well, I think it also has some other purposes, considering what they end up using it for later… but yeah, it's primarily just the horse- blah, the Star Harvester key. Jetfire conveys that Sam needs to find the Matrix of Leadership or they're all fucked. I mean, what happened? Did turning on Jetfire completely destroy the AllSpark fragment or is it just... dead now? Could they use that to re-awaken Optimus body?

O: I mean yeah, you would think right!? Because like, they- they did- they- that's how they brought Megatron back but nobody thought of this!

S: I mean didn't they already have a thing that they could have used to just, wake Optimus up?

O: Maybe? I don't know. I don't know. Moving right along! Um-

S: I want answers! Sorry...

O: We're not gonna get ‘em. And then presumably, they leave Jetfire in the desert because he needs a good long nap after generating a whole ass space bridge.

S: Well, he basically tells them to get lost before any Auto- before any Decepticons show up.

O: Yeah, because assumably he's gonna take a nap.

S: Yeah, I mean- I think another Decepticon does show up at some point in the novelization, but who knows. I think grandpa beats his pants- or beats his ass. Sam reaches the conclusion that if the Matrix of Leadership can activate the Sun Harvester then maybe it could reactivate Optimus, like some sort of robot activating skeleton key.

O: Seems like a bit of a reach, but alright.

S: No one knows what's going on here, so I guess, sure! Let's run with it.

S: They stop by a nearby village allowing Simmons to contact N.E.S.T. and somewhat covertly tell them that they need to bring Optimus’ corpse over to Egypt.

O: [laughs]

S: [sighs] Oh, this is going to be so many… ugh, so many problems.

O: Soundwave is still able to figure out what the fuck they're saying though, and deploys the Decepticons to the same location that Simmons had given N.E.S.T. You know, do you think his back hurts? You know, from carrying his entire faction?

S: Probably, but I mean, he's in space so there's not much weight up there right now.

O: [laughs] Probably lessens the feeling a little bit.

S: Using some gibberish about the ‘three kings’ and also, astrological knowledge, Sam is able to figure out where the Primes’ tomb is and uh, the group heads towards the mountains of Petra.

O: Lennox's group has also brought the government weasel with them along on their ‘Definitely Not Transporting a Giant Robot Corpse’ mission, and then they fool him into jumping out of the plane. So they can carry on without interruption.

S: Slightly less jumping out of the plane and slightly more uh, fooling him into opening the damn parachute that uh, they got the man to wear and then he gets swept out because--

O: It was a parachute. [laughs]

S: Moving plane, open door, there goes the- there goes the parachute. Oops! So much wind.

O: And it really might be one of the funniest scenes in the entire movie. It also reads entirely too close to something our DND group would pull.

S: Oh yeah, yeah.

B: [laugh]

O: Ask our DM!

S: Oh, any one of our DMs.

O: Any one of our DMs, but I'm particularly talking about when my poor husband had to DM.

S: Yeah, I'm thinking about the ‘whale’ incident.

[My husband regretted that our party had the ability to summon large creatures and portals on that day. ~O]

So Sam and company arrive at Petra.

O: For the non-documentary nerds among us, uh, Petra is an ancient city in Southern Jordan. While it does contain more structures than the treasury (which is what I think they show here) uh, this is probably one of the most famous. You may recognize it as the resting place of the Holy Grail in the Indiana Jones movies. And as we were watching, I had a minor panic attack at the giant robots possibly breaking things.

S: Oh, and the giant robots definitely break things. The Twins fight, and hit a wall or a fresco. Revealing a hollow area behind it with uh, very noticeable giant robot bits.

O: [laughs] Then Bee takes aim at the wall and I have another panic attack. Though to be fair, he's got very good aim and only makes what is arguably a very small hole.

S: Through the giant robot bits. Sam enters the new hole in the wall and finds the Matrix of Leadership on the floor. I guess, cradled in the hands of the Prime corpses? Which- this is super morbid!

O: [laughs]

S: When he picks it up, uh, it crumbles into dust. So, Sam does the only thing he can think of, he sweeps all that dust into his sock.

O: Time to go resurrect Optimus with dirty sock dust!

S: Is it the sock of destiny?

O: It is now.

S: I guess it awakens giant robots, but leaves buildings standing.

O: [snorts]

S: All the while uh, he talks about there having to be some sort of reason for everything that's happening.

O: Uh, to quote a much better character, “It's possible to commit no mistakes and still lose,” so Sam you're full of shit.

S: Yep, back with N.E.S.T. uh, they yeet Optimus’ corpse out of the plane and I believe Optimus has parachutes again here?

O: Probably.

S: I mean, if he doesn't that is just so much corpse desecration.

O: [laughs] And it seems like we arrive back where we started in the first movie, as it looks like they're back in that little desert town where the fight with Scorponok took place. You know, they just- they're just gotta destroy it again.

S: And if that's not that same town it looks extremely similar.

O: Starscream begins firing on Sam and co as they head to the rendezvous location with N.E.S.T.

S: [sighs] The group splits up in order to draw the fire away from Sam.

O: Leo, Simmons, and the twins head off. Bee heads off in another direction, and then Sam and Mikaela head towards Optimus’ location on foot.

S: This seems like a bad allocation of resources but, ohh-kay.

O: [chuckles]

S: N.E.S.T. also spots Starscream, but he has released an EMP burst, cutting off all their communication.

O: Government weasel however, has landed safe and sound and is able to reach (and annoy!) the N.E.S.T. headquarters.

S: Yep and N.E.S.T. uh, headquarters is frustrated that weasel can contact them but they can't contact Lennox's group.

O: Simmons group stops uh, once they realize Starscream has stopped following them.

S: Megatron and Starscream (none too gently) land on the Great Pyramid.

O: God damn, more defacing world heritage sites?

S: Well, the Egyptian authorities would definitely have um, a case against them for this. Because you know, they they charge people with doing dumb ill-advised things on the pyramids

O: I dunno how you're gonna get money out of Megatron but, alright! [laughs]

S: Eh, I'd go with the blood from the stone thing, and literally selling off materials from his body, but who knows? That's also very morbid. Um, Megatron orders an attack and Devastator forms out of more than the requisite number of constructicons from G1.

O: And Devastator makes our last Welker voiced Con for the day, bringing our number up to five-

S: And it’s-

O: -out of 12.

S: And spoiler alert uh, Devastator looks nothing like G1 Devastator, and also this is in like- the same location that Simmons and Leo are at.

O: Yep. Sam and Mikaela though are continuing their march towards N.E.S.T. All the while trying to avoid Decepticons, and thus hide in one of the nearby houses.

S: Ah, I like the lighting in the scene, the lighting is very nice. So one wall is mostly structured from uh, glass bottles. You know, provides some very nice ambient lighting without the need of electricity. It just- it's very pleasant. It's a very pretty look

O: Then we get a really nifty scene of the Decepticons looking for them that's basically, one big long continuous shot of it going out of a hole Sam is looking out, going around the scene and then going back through I think, the keyhole? For the door to the house they're in.

S: Yeah, that sort of continuous shot's very nice. You don't see those very often. Sam catches a tiny Decepticon bug that comes through the hole, leading to them being found, and the house's roof being ripped off by Starscream.

O: They attempt to escape.

S: The Twins uh, begin to fight Devastator, while the combiner tries to eat everybody with his horrifying trash-compactor-crusher mouth.

O: Mudflap is eaten, but doesn't go down easy and punches his way out of Devastator's mouth.

S: The Decepticons reveal that they are holding Sam's parents hostage.

O: But they're all saved by the timely arrival of Bee.

S: Ravage is killed when Bee rips his entire body off his spine??

O: How does Ravage keep ending up in two pieces in these things?

S: I think technically he might be in more than two pieces, but ughhh...

O: Meh, I'm just saying- there was the spine in one hand, and the rest of them in the other hand, at least from my memory.

S: I know, it's just- god, unfortunately this feels a whole lot like shucking an ear of corn.

O: [laugh] Oh, god- yeah... yeah... yeah.

S: [sighs] I'm sorry for that image.

O: Sam uh, tells Bee to take his parents out of danger once they- he- they've gotten them away from the Cons.

S: Uh, Sam's dad argues with him in what we're assuming is supposed to be a counter to his no caring attitude about Sam going off to college in the movie. One of the only positive things is his dad's care- for his dad's character is that he does seem to want to take care of- take care of his son.

O: Pity doesn't show more.

S: Yeah.

O: Okay, tangent, but you may have noticed we're being less descriptive about things that are happening at this point in the story. That's because we basically hit a point where the remainder is a gigantic action scene and not really much else.

S: Yeah, it's a whole lot of punch, punch, switch scene, punch, punch, switch scene.

O: Yeah, so-

S: Shoot, shoot, shoot.

O: We're trying, but if something doesn't really make sense it's because stuff is swapping and not a lot is happening. Oddly enough this movie is actually a good example of why you should keep things simple, from a storytelling perspective. And yeah, I know if you examine the basis of this movie's plot it is pretty simple, but instead of just, you know, actually going from point a to point b there's just a ton of waypoints kind of getting in the way of the action that’s actually happening. Uh, like, “Oh well, we'd better go over to this set for yet another action sequence!” Nothing that's happened in the last 30 or so minutes has really mattered to the overall plot because it's just action sequence, action sequence, action sequence.

S: Yup, dirt, explosions, running, falling down.

O: Rinse and repeat.

S: There is nothing of substance here. Speaking of pointless, it's back to Simmons for absolutely no reason.

O: Uh, Megatron's been on top of the Great Pyramid doing nothing this entire freaking time and now he chooses to shoot down a helicopter.

S: I don't think he's even been monologuing.

O: Yeah, he hasn't! He has- that's what I mean, nothing! He's not even doing anything interesting!

S: Simmons takes the radio from the pilot of said downed helicopter and follows after Devastator as he heads toward the Great Pyramid.

O: American Army porn.

S: And Air Force. And Navy, [sighs] probably?

O: [groans]

S: Sam and Mikaela are spotted by Ironhide and the three Arcees.

O: Two Arcees are downed by some Cons after their one speaking line in the entire freaking movie.

S: Devastator begins climbing the Great Pyramid.

O: Is Megatron waiting up there for Devastator?! Is- is it just too much work to wreck the pyramid by himself?

S: He's got all of these lackeys, he wants the lackeys to do shit for him.

O: Oh, lord.

S: Simmons follows and contacts the Navy.

O: Okay- okay, the only thing I can think of here is that they needed Simmons to do something. Otherwise, why the heck do they call in military reinforcements then call in yet more military reinforcements!?

S: More American Army porn.

O: [sighs] Devastator demolishes the top of the pyramid. Yes, yes, destroying more history, yes, yes.

S: Yet more American Army porn!

O: And then Megatron chases Sam and Mikaela as they approach N.E.S.T.

S: After many, many, MANY, explosions, Sam and Mikaela reach Lennox.

O: Who's like, “You'd better have a good reason for us to be here!”

S: “I got a sock full of dust!”

O: [laughs] Yes, you do Sam. Yes, you do.

S: [sighs] Jetfire shows up, taking out a Con with his cane.

O: Then Scorponok, you know, from the first movie, immediately shows up just to stab Jetfire and ruin all of our days.

S: You know, his triumphant return after disappearance in the last half of the previous movie.

O: And now for the moment you- we-

S: [sighs]

O: We've all been waiting for!

S: Ugh… [unintelligable]

O: Do you want me to do it?

S: Yes, please.

O: Simmons says, “I'm directly below the enemy scrotum.” Why would you say that? Why would you say it like this? Why wouldn't you just say, “I am directly below the enemy”!? Why did you feel the need to add the word ‘scrotum’ to that sentence!?! [laughs]

S: The enemy's anatomy should not be that important, but I guess Bay thinks balls are important- er, hilarious.

O: Important and hilarious.

S: God.

[I am furious that we didn’t know about this clip until AFTER we did this episode, but yeah, this exists. Bay was SO proud of this joke. ~O]

O: Uh, Devastator comes to pieces after being hit by an experimental Navy railgun from the ship that Simmons has been contacting.

S: Yeah, back with Lennox and company, Epps proves yet again to have one of the best lines in the entire movie.

O: They throw some smoke grenades to provide a target for the Air Force.

S: Unfortunately, this smoke's just a teensy bit too close to the party.

O: Epps responds with, “It wasn't my best toss, okay!?”

S: [sighs] In the ensuing chaos of the airstrike, Sam runs ahead to try and get to Optimus and Megatron appears out of the smoke to shoot him. Or to dramatically close in on him, I guess.

O: Megatron gets pushed back by some of the N.E.S.T. covering fire and nyrooms away very awkwardly.

S: Except, what's this!? Sam's dead.

O: [loudly] WOOOOOOOOOOO!

S: Mikaela's not so happy about this though.

O: Uh, sad music plays. Dialogue can be heard faintly as Lennox and the N.E.S.T. crew begins CPR. His parents show back up... again. For what purpose exactly? I think this would have read just fine with Mikaela just being the only one sad about Sam.

S: I don't know. If this is their attempt at pathos, but it kind of sucks. I mean, I know that the audience is supposed to feel bad that this guy's dead but-

O: I don't! [laughs]

S: They did a terrible job of making me care, but now is the moment where Mikaela tells Sam that she loves him.

O: They had a whole thing about this earlier in the movie we really didn't go over but they were having kind of an argument on who should say, “I love you,” first. Blah- blah- blah- blah-

S: Ah.

O: But now, a window into Sam's psyche.

S: What, you mean it's not just going to be boobs, boobs, and more boobs?

O: No- no the seven Primes appear in a vision to Sam.

S: Oh god, does this make Sam a Prime? I really hope not…

O: Oh my god! One of the Primes is voiced by Bulkhead! And by Bulkhead, I of course mean his voice actor Kevin Michael Richardson. A man with a huge filmography that I guarantee you've heard at least a dozen or so things that he has done, if not more!

S: The Primes tell Sam that he is worthy of being a Prime.

O: Bulk, why do you have to hurt me in this way, and by extension, EVERYONE?

S: The magical sweaty sock dust reconstitutes into the Matrix of Leadership. And, I mean, I'm kind of concerned that some of the remaining sweaty sock dust is now blowing away, or maybe this sock will be some sort of horrifying museum relic.

O: Considering what he did with his shirt, I wouldn't be surprised. Um, but I don't really care, because this just means the movie is getting closer to its inevitable conclusion.

S: Fair. Sam then takes the Matrix and stabs it into Optimus chest.

O: Stabby stab? We bring him to life by giving him another stab wound? Magical stabby stab?

S: I think this is how you get robot zombies.

O: Good thing nobody had any Dark Energon on hand.

S: Or the Hate Plague. Of course, the Matrix is immediately snatched up by the Fallen.

O: Because we want to have our cake and eat it too. We need to bring Optimus back to life and also to get the giant sun stun gun going too.

S: So, the Fallen activates the Star Harvester.

O: High levels of shut up and die reached as the Fallen finally reveals some amount of fighting prowess with a bitchin’ anti-gravity staff.

S: Yep. Jetfire, who has been sort of hanging out this entire time having a giant hole in his chest, sacrifices himself to upgrade Optimus so that he can go fight the Fallen.

O: Jetfire, buddy, sir, you deserved better.

S: He did.

O: Here's one of the few scenes where Jolt is visible as he helps Ratchet get Optimus battle worthy.

S: Yeah, um, the electric whips were somehow needed for this for some reason, somehow.

O: Optimus, having gained the power of flight, begins to fight Megatron and the Fallen.

S: But not before destroying the Sun Harvester.

O: Megatron's face is badly damaged as Optimus moves on to the Fallen and rips off the Fallen's face saying, and I quote, “Give me your face!”

S: Then Optimus rams his hand through the Fallen's chest and uh, rips out and crushes the Fallen’s spark.

O: Starscream, being the sane one here, suggests that he and Megatron flee.

S: Megatron, considering that he is dealing with both a head injury and a missing arm from the elbow down, takes Starscream up on his offer. The Fallen having been defeated, Optimus returns to the ground and shrugs off all of Jetfire's parts

O: [You] couldn't have kept anything? The gun? No, nothing. Was it a frame thing- did you miss the slimmer frame, Optimus? Just be honest here, you know.

S: I mean, maybe he considered it kind of morbid having like, corpse parts on him? I mean that would be-

O: Fuck if I know.

S: That would be kind of morbid, but yeah... it feels like it's just showing disrespect to Jetfire's sacrifice. [sighs] Then we move back to Sam and Mikaela, interspersed with shots of N.E.S.T., the Navy, Simmons, etc.

O: Ah, yes, soldiers, brothers in arms, kissing! Soldiers, brothers in arms, KISSING!

S: [laughs] Sorry, sorry I was just- like, my brain put those together at first and not what it actually was.

O: [laughs] I mean, to be fair, that would probably be a more interesting movie!

S: Yes. Optimus thanks Sam for saving his life. And I have many questions Optimus. Did you have- what did you see Optimus? What did you see? And we end with an Optimus monologue about the two races working together in the future.

O: Ohh, Optimus, you’re- you're just going to be discarded in two movies, sweetie. Um, don't trust the US Military, we do not have a good track record.

S: Yup. Linkin Park, much like the first film what plays us out as the credits roll.

O: And thus, we are divided from the rest of the movie. A New Divide if you will.

S: Oh, is that a name drop?

O: It's the name of the song. [laughs]

S: Or title drop, yeah.

O: [laughs]

S: Alright, so what's your take?

O: Wow, I really don't like that movie. The last 30 minutes- hour- whatever, felt like an eternity where the only thing happening was explosions, and robots maybe punching each other and I just didn't care about anything that was happening? The early part wasn't really much better, but at least the characters, you know, were talking to each other.

Um, the writing overall isn't good for like, dialogue and again, some of the events just kind of feel like why did this even need to happen? And I do think it's worth mentioning that this was filmed during the 2007 writers’ strike.

Additionally, regardless of how bad I personally find the dialogue, I still have to give props to Peter Cullen's performance of Optimus. Even the first time I saw this movie, I was sad that Optimus died. And keep in mind at the time I didn't know anything about Transformers, aside from seeing the first movie. I feel like Cullen puts a lot of heart to his performance of Optimus, and I really can't think of a time where it's felt like he's phoned it in and I really do appreciate that. Even here, even with the, “Give me your face,” line.

What did you think, Specs?

S: Well, I don't have nearly as much to say as you did.

O: [laughs]

S: Um, I liked Jetfire. The SR-71 Blackbird is a very neat plane, and I mean, I liked it before this movie came out. So, I liked him for more than one reason. But he was cranky, and delightful, and a jet, and the best part of the movie. Everything else was just kind of painful. Yeah.

O: Yeah, I think that's fair.

S: Yeah. I mean, I liked Mikaela too, but...

O: Yeah, she- say goodbye to her because she's not gonna be in the next movie. This is the last one with Mikaela in it.

S: I think she got the better part of the deal.

O: [laughs] Pity we can't make as graceful as an exit.

S: Yep.

O: But that's it for us now. Uh, we will be posting another episode. Uh, where we go into more detail on what we personally would have wanted to see in this movie. But we know this is running along as it is, and I think based on our estimates this should be around the same length as last year's episode so we're gonna split it. We are also aware that you personally may not care about us trying to you know basically fanfic- fix this so…

S: Mm-hm. Remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes, or links we may have mentioned. You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter @AftersparkPod (all one word). And various other locations by searching for Afterspark Podcast, such as AO3, iTunes, Spotify, and Youtube, just to name a few. And feel free to send us questions on Tumblr, Youtube, or AO3.

O: As always, thank you so much for listening. Happy (probably belated by the time this is posted) holidays to everyone. 2020 has been a hell of a rough year, so please stay safe and we will be back with more normal episodes soon.

S: Toodles.

[Outro Music]

S: Sam grabs out a knife and begins carving the Cybertronian siblings into the ground um, I mean, where did you get the knife?

O: You mean symbols? You said siblings.

S: [laughs] God- oh god, I can’t talk!

#transcript #revenge of the fallen #afterspark #afterspark podcast #podcast

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hibiscustea9 · 3 years

Note

Welcome to Tumblr! Curious to know who your favorite Stardew character(s) is, and why? I'm not going to automatically assume it is Elliott and/or Sebastian, haha

- a fan of your SDV fic

Thank you for the warm welcome! Oh, this is a tough one, because there are so many great characters in Stardew Valley. I’m going to break them apart into marriage candidates versus non-marriage candidates, because I feel like those are two entirely separate categories. Also, just because someone isn’t on this list doesn’t mean I don’t like that character, it just means he or she isn’t one of my very favorites. (Also, these aren’t in any particular ranked order - I like all the ones I’m listing about equally)

Marriage candidates:

Sebastian. Sebastian was the very first character I married in Stardew on my first save file nearly five years ago. In many ways, he’s the character who’s closest to my RL husband, who also has depression and anxiety but who is a very loving person underneath the gruff exterior. I appreciate Sebastian’s slow evolution from being walled off away from everyone and everything (literally at the start of the game - it’s damn frustrating trying to get him up to two hearts so you can go in his room) to slowly opening up to you more and talking about his desires and wants and fears. After marriage, he has beautiful dialogue where he admits his mental health isn’t always the best, but not to doubt that he always loves you. So great.

Elliott. Yes, I’m going with the obvious two off the bat. I actually didn’t pay much attention to Elliott the first few games I played through. I got him through his heart events because I was being a completionist and wanted to see everyone’s heart events, but he was so out of the way on the beach most of the time that I didn’t pay him much heed. Then in my third game, I decided to try something new and started pursuing Elliott early on, and oh, man. He’s so great. He is hands down the best post-marriage spouse with how affectionate and loving and kind he is all the time (and he has some great moments of unexpected humor, like his line about the million iridium bars). I do understand where his loquaciousness can be a bit off-putting to some, but I find him to be an absolute joy, and one of the kindest characters in the game. (Also, the first Winter Star after we got married, Elliott was my secret gift-giver and he gave me a glow ring, which made my heart completely fall out of my chest and go splat on the ground.)

Emily. Come on, who doesn’t love Emily? She’s completely bonkers, but she has such a good heart. One of my favorite cutscenes of every character in Stardew is when Emily meets her friend the parrot and talks to him about how they’re both different and the ones around them don’t understand. Like Sebastian and Elliott, Emily is a bit of an outsider, even though she’s around people all the time. But she has such joy for life and for experiencing everything that I find her to be one of the most satisfying marriage candidates.

Maru. Maru’s awesome. She’s a great balance of being serious about her experiments and her robotics and yet such a dreamer about the future and what she might do. I feel like she gets overlooked way too much, even though she’s probably got the best head on her shoulders of any of the marriage candidates. In a town full of people who don’t know what they want, Maru’s got a clear, strong direction she wants to head in. That alone puts her in a category by herself, but she’s also such a good, kind-hearted person as we can see in the MARILDA scene. She’s got the best combination of her dad’s scientific mind and her mom’s work ethic and compassion.

Non-marriage candidates:

Robin. ConcernedApe knew what he was doing making Robin the first character the farmer meets in game. Not only does she always make efforts to reach out to the player and ensure he or she is part of the community (extending invitations to come visit, making sure everything’s going well on the farm), but she’s a loving, caring mom and wife, she looks out for the rest of the community, and she’s got a snarky side I really appreciate.

Gus. I adore Gus. I didn’t know quite what to make of him at first because he seemed to be almost a Gunther- or Marlon-level NPC who virtually never went out from his business, but then Linus’s first heart event happened and I realized how much Gus cares about other people and wants to take care of them. He’s always cooking massive amounts of food for everyone at all the festivals, ensures everyone has enough to eat, and is incredibly gentle and kind.

Linus. Speaking of Linus, who was my first-ever five-star friend, he is a total treasure. Like some of my other favorites, he’s definitely a little different, but there are a lot of layers to Linus. He’s clearly a very intelligent guy, well-read, empathetic, resourceful, and kind. He is wary of the farmer, but it’s explained that he has to be because of how he’s been treated in the past, and when he does open up to you, it’s clear how meaningful your friendship is to him.

Marnie. The first time I played Stardew, I was incredibly annoyed by Marnie because I could never get her schedule straight and would always swing by the ranch only to realize she wasn’t there. But the more I got to know her and found out how much she cares about animals and other people, I really grew a new appreciation for her. As with Robin and Gus and Linus, Marnie is incredibly compassionate and doesn’t ask for much for herself. And also, I love her happy dance. The fact that we see it both when the community center re-opens and at the player’s wedding shows that she’s genuinely happy when good things happen to other people.

Thanks for the question and for reading “Fire Walk with Me”! I’m in the process of working on the last couple scenes in the next chapter now and it should be up tomorrow for New Year’s Day.

#ask ht9 #stardew valley

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popculturebuffet · 4 years

Text

Hickman’s X-Men One Year In: Part 2: The Dawn of X

And we’re onto part 2. Since it took me a while to talk about Hickman’s Series outside of Giant-Size and the setup here, that’s in part one if your curious, I split this little retrospective into two parts, with this part here talking about the rest of the books. This isn’t to say they aren’t great, many of them are, it was just easier to do this as a two parter so with HIckman himself out of the way how did his hand picked batch of talented writers handle the lofty status quo he set up?Find out under the cut. Pax Krakoa baby.

Mauraders Okay just to get this out of the way this is my second faviorite x-book running, after X-Men itself and it often equals it and far and away the best tile of the run and restored my faith in Gerry Duggan. Duggan is not a bad writer and I blame the messy finish of his otherwise awesome guardians run with infnity wars on marvel trying to cram other characters into it and then a weird mash up idea that while cool, kept the guardians out of their own damn event and from confrting a now mad gamora, but that and deadpool made me forget the guy is a good writer and can do great things. Maruaders however won me back to him with intrest. A unique concept, the x-men as pirates helping ferry goods to krakoan allied states and ferry trapped mutants from hostile ones, is fucking awesome. The only thing missing is nightcrawler and it’s clear hickman has other plans, though I still feel he shoudl’ve been on the boat as he has both the relation to kitty pryde and pirate pedgree that fit in perfectly. Speaking of kitty after years of writers misusing her due to having a crush on her as a kid and shoving her into half baked romances with peter quill and her ex peter rasptuin, the latter failing so badly that marvel pulled the plug on their wedding because fans clearly didn’t want it, and battling my own reluctance ot see her front and center again, Duggan makes good use of her again: Kitty is given the unique hook of the portals not working for her and no one, even her old friend Doug after he gets back, being able to figure out WHY. Though I do hope Doug does show up here and explain it more, as him being kitty’s best friend once is rarely brought up since he got back and it’s silly it hasn’t been. But rather than take this on the chin Kitty strikes up a crew consisting of big sister Storm, first class graduate x-man, badass gay and kitty’s friend and ex iceman, bishop who reluctantly joins as her bishop more on that in a second and the best of them by a mile: Pyro. The original, finally brought back and given some intresting backstory: he was the first mutant brought back and felt good about it..t ill he realized that despite sacrificing himself to save a, if your familiar with the various cartoons this will be baffling but trust me, reformed senator kelly as Pyro himself was dying from the legacy virus, only to find out they did him first because they considered him expendable basically and naturally was upset over that, drunk a bunch of the liquor kitty smuggled in, for logan naturally, and passed out and then joined in on the rescue mission that formed the team because why not and stayed because it was a great offer. Speaking of offers with a new purpose, Kitty accepted her old enemy Emma Frost’s offer to be red queen, which includes a seat on krakoa’s council and was basically emma’s way of saying fuck you to her old cohort who she was forced to bring back on to handle the seedier side of Krakoa’s dealings via his underworld connections, sebastian shaw. Emma is the fincical backbone of krakoa, having the shipping connections to get the flowers in and out and now having kitty to handle the stuff she can’t and do some of the shipping, as well as again tell Sebastian, who naturally wants both gone and is pissy at Emma being so far ahead of him, wants gone. And while he’s seemingly succeded with kitty I not only have every expectation that while ressuection is failing to work on her she’ll be back, but that trying to murder one of the most beloved x-men whose consdiered family to among others three of krakoa’s captains, bishop after this series, four of their council, five if you include Doug whose best friends with both his left arm which is also a deadly space robot and the very place they live on. The only reason he’s not going to die 80 times in increasingily horrifying ways is because the five can’t take on that kind of workload and one murderous ass beating from half of krakoa and krakoa itself is close enough.

Emma is easily one of the books best parts, being written back as she should: An anti hero who while quick with a cutting quip, truly cares for her charges, and mutantkind as a whole and has grown from the monster she started as or even the kind of person who’d use a therapy session from a desperate man having issues opening up emotionally after apocalypse used his body as a rental car to convince him to fuck her. And yes that’s how things started with Scott and Emma and yes it’s really fucked up and yes the story treats it as such, though I still wish Scott would get actual therapy, but as Linkara recently pointed out in his House of M Review the Marvel and DC universes weirdly lack therapists for the most part and thus it was left on my mind the last two weeks.. and yes I know DC tried but when your final product at trying to serious tackle mental health is heroes in crisis.. I award you no points and god have mercy on your soul. But while Emma and Kitty get the lions share of the focus the rest of the group is enjoyable, well done and intresting, if not given many arcs to themselves, but still have enough character moments to counterballance that. The standout of the rest of the crew is easily Pyro, taken from “why is he still dead despite being super popular and used in a heavy role in X2 that’s garnered fans of that version to this day and bafflement he became a foot note in the next movie and used in every adaptation” to fun side character with a skull on his face and a love of booze and setting things on fire. He’s finally given the respect he deserves sorta and while I hope more is delved into his ressurection angst, he’s a ton of fun and it again makes me wonder why it took 20+ years to bring him back, but i’m glad the right person did it. The rest of the crew are fun with Bishop being another standout. That being said part of the reason there isn’t a lot of focus is simply because in additoin to our brave crew the book is juggling a LOT of characters.. the morlocks and calisto, both given a proper treatment after wya too long, jumbo carnation a minor character from morrisons run who was introduced in the same issue he died is emma’s designer, shinobi shaw and christian frost, the latter I question why a main relative of one of marvel’s a-list mutants who was one of marvel’s earlier gay characters hasn’t been used in a big way till now but no time like the present, Sebastian and the people he shares his big bad spot with Homines Verde aka those tweens who ran the hellfire club during jason aaron’s run because the man is nuts and who I only seemd to liked, brillinatly revamped as a racist replacemnt for the hellfire club and so far a clever threat. The book is just stuffed iwth good characters, beautiful art, and a great tone that combines spectacular humor with really good story and worldbuilding. It’s also a nice contrast to hickman’s stuff: don’t get me wrong I love hickman’s writing style but it’s nice to have something JUST as good.. but with a cheerier tone and less weariness to it, while still not lacking weight. I can’t wait to see where this goes.. it’s a pirates life for me.

Excalibur: Like most of the dawn of X-Line outside of fallen angels, more on that in a minute and even then that had an intresting new directoin for betsy braddock, I was pumped for this one. A team I loved: While I struggled to find a run I loved with Claremont’s run having Brian Braddock be a raging dick whose terrible to his girlfriend and gets away with cheating on her and Claremont not really bothering to explain Saturnyne or other characters and their history with Brian well to us yanks who never had the chance to read those tales.. though why stories by alan moore and chris claremont haven’t been republished properly or in epic collections is beyond me. Warren Ellis, who I now loathe for being a scheming weasel who treated women like garbage, had a decent run with plenty of warlock, in a weird phase where he thought he was doug, Moira and Wolfsbane stuff I loved.. but also had 30-40 something pete wisdom shacking up with 18 year old at most kitty pryde, with Pete at the time being basically Warren Ellis badass self insert character, and given recent revelations i’m pretty sure he damn well knew kitty was just 18 and even if he didn’t having his own fanfic character deflower her is just all kinds of EWWWWWW. He also had Colossus, fresh of being a villian for a while for understandable reasons, nearly beat pete into a coma in a jealous rage over the ex.. the ex he dated while she was still a minor, and left because HE , and editorial, was uncomfortable with it for damn obvious reasons. I can see why fans like to see her as bisexual and pair her with Illiayna.. I mean why the fuck not? They have better chemistry than most of he hetrosexual intrests and are paried because of that and not because the writer wanted to make out iwth kitty as a teenager and forgot “oh yeah she’s fictional and i’m 40!” Christ thank god for Gerry Duggan. But yeah moving on from that I was still pumped as a magical x-men book with Besty Braddock now captain freaking britan, and apocalypse on the roster. And rictor and jubille? nad rouge and gambit I guess.. I don’t knokw if they fit but whatever. Sign me up. The actual result is a mixed back. I do like Tini Howard’s work here to a point: Betsy gets good character stuff and theres actually good tension from the fact that the new captain britan is no longer primarily a british ctizen, and the book brought back a character I felt marvel needed to do more with: Jamie. if you don’t know, Jamie is betsy and brian’s, her brother and the former captain britian, older brother who went insane due to his powers and thus just goes around in his underwear convinced reality isn’t real and he can do what he wants and the tension with Jamie refusing to have anything to do with his brother for no good reason is really good. Rictor and Apocalypse are likewise good sensable additons: Rictor turns out to be a natural to being a druid which is a nice twist and makes sense given when he lost his powers the biggest issue with that was loosing touch with earth after having a connection to it be a vital part of him for years. Apocalypse as an ominus chess master slowly securing magic for mutantkind with some goal we’re about to get answers to is really investing and adds a layer to his character, that much like doctor doom he’s as much sorecer as he is scinetest and given the guy’s immortal, it dosen’t feel like it was pulled out of nowhere. The problem is the other half of the cast.. dosen’t really work. I fucking love Jubilee, a faviroite of mine as an xman despite not being a huge 90′s x-men cartoon fan, just feels kinda shoe horned in. Her son becomes a dragon and she worries about him constantly, but her worrying about her son possibly not being a mutant on mutant land could be done in any other x-book, and fraknly I feel her personality would fit better with the maruaders, and it’d be intresting to see kitty and her on the same team since both really haven’t interacted. Here she just feels like “well tini wanted jubilee and no one else did soooo I made her son a dragon to justify getting her”. I feel more could be done and hope Tini has better plans for her. Rouge is one of my faviorte x-men and All New X Factor and Kelly Thompsons work with him and Rouge made me like Gambit again, and I DO love their marriage and it was a way better idea than the one Guggenhiem had planned.. but while the idea of Rouge being reborn is intresting and all, she still dosen’t really get to do much and like Jubilee just feels weirldy out of place while Remy has that plus he’s annoying, as while he’s the only one rightfully supscious of apocalypse he also won’t shut the fuck up about it for five minutes. Ig et where he’s coming from but it dosen’t make him less annoying. These aren’t bad characters, but sof ar they just feel weirdly out of place in a magic based book and unlike Rictor tini hasn’t made any of htem but Rouge feel in place.

That being said I could ignore that more.. but the villians are also week. So far at least, as the return of Satyurne has given the book it’s first good antagonist.. but what I feel drags the book down the most from it’s potential is the bad guys; Morgan Le Fay is the first antaognist, being mad at apocalypse’s intrusions and corrputing Brian.. but her motives are just so boring: She wants power and to rule, she hates mutants... while “hates mutants” is a qualifier for every other antagonist so far, she just feels bland.. Tini just dosen’t make her feel like a good antagonist and it’s a shame as mutant hater or not she’s something DIFFRENT from the throngs of mutant hating conspiracies, mostly from russia in the other books... she’s just so bland it dosen’t work. And after her is Cullen Bloodstone who as far as I can tell is written out of character.. haven’t read his book but I had both a friend confirm it and having read his marvel wiki entry, it just seems like an odd turn to have him be a racist asshole. But even with all my problems and underwhelm here.. I still WANT the book to get from okay to amazing, and feel it genuinely has the potetial. I’ve seen books sharply improve after a rough first arc, Duggan himself showed me that with his Guardians run. Sometimes it just takes time for something to truly blossom and I have a feeling even with my issues, with x of swords coming up howard’s going to flip it all on it’s head and leave me standing there gasping like a moron. I have hope for that. And if nothing else the book is at least UNIQUE. And not in a trainwreck way: by giving mutants a piece of the magic pie and having them tackle far weirder threats, it’s at least doing something new and it probably lands for other people if not me, and if nothing else it does brian 80 times better than the claremont run did. not a high bar but I do like the character and it’s nice to see him take such an intresting path, and the same goes for Betsy. Tini’s still got magic to do, and I have a feeling it’s going to take me by storm very soon.

Fallen Angels: Now for the other half of the coin as it were. Some fans weren’t happy about Betsy getting her old body back, and yes Psylocke wasn’t orignally asian but a white british woman bodyswapped iwth a japanese assasian and yes that’s as ludicrious and unteitonally offensive as it sounds, because horrible implications of said Body Swap or not, Psylocke was one of the few asian superheros of note. So to compromise , Hickman and co decided to split the diffrence: Betsy would come back and get a rank up to captain britan, while Kwannon, said assasian, would take over as Psylocke. Hence Excalibur above and fallen angels here and I was excited about it. The Body Swap thing went on a decade too long and this way fans got the character they knew as Psylocke in another book while the face they recognized would finally get some fleshing out. I was excited about that and while probably the least excited about this book of the intitial 5, it did have an intresting lead, two characters I did like (Kid Cable I grant was only under hickman who turned him from that brat version of cable who killed the one I really love to a good character in his own right), and an intresting antagonist in a sentient machine. In practice it was okay. The best I can say is that writer Brian Hill DOES do a great job taking a mostly minor x-character and really fleshing her out and making her engaging and Kwannon’s quest to save her daughter is really compelling.. but the premise of those who don’t fit with krakoa dosen’t work with the roster given. Laura Kinney is not only sticking with the x-23 name after dropping the wolverine mantle for no reason previously, something Hickman fixed as soon as he realized how fans felt for her apperance in the main book, while Cable feels nothing like the far more fun version from Hickman’s X-Men and later Duggan’s Cable. Add in Husk and Bling who do deserve to be on a team but feel out of place here, and it just.. is okay. The book has an intresting angagonist and a great lead, but just dosen’t work as a team book and would’ve been better off being JUST about kwannon herself, who is far and away the best part about the book and i’m glad she got fleshed out. Not TERRIBLE but nothing special and it’s a shame given the antagonist, whose name I can’t even remember at this point, is intresting and ties into mutantkind’s greatest enmies being man and machine accoridng to house and powers.. basically a decent concep twith a flawed execution. Maybe hill’ sbatman and hte outisders run is better. I need to get on that. That being said the premise and idea is so far being done well in Hellions which we’ll get to, even if I’m being cautious really getting into the book with Zeb Wells track record. But more on that in a bit.

X-Force: Time to make noise, bad guys leave us no choice.. you know the rest. But yeah X-force. The concept here grabbed me, having X-Force rather than just be the black ops squad but be literal black ops for krakoa, was really great and fit the brave new world.. what worried me was the writer, Benjamin Percy. Now a lot of x-fans probably knew him from the much beloved “Wolverine: The Long Night” podcast, which i’ve heard is utterly fantastic as is it’s followup.. but I hadn’t heard it, and had only heard of Percy from DC comics where under his belt was an okay teen titans run and a not very good and politcally unsubtle green arrow book. And i’m not against politics in comics it just wasn’t done at all well there and the “oliver queen looses hif ourture due to a shadowy conspiracy thing” was already done better by jeff lemire. So yeah I was going to give this a chance but figured like those books it’d start strong and then peter out. I. Was. Wronnnnggg. X-Force is easily one of the best of the dawn of x and uses said premise well. It started a bit roughly, mostly becasue the first arc idnd’t make clear x-force didn’t exist yet but was a great origin story: a squad of military commandos working for a shadowy consirtum who become x-force’s big bad, plunge onto Krakoa and massacre a bunch of mutantas and assinate charles xavier. He comes back, though it’s trickier for obvious reasons, but it’s clear from this, and from wolverine and kid omega’s sucessful investigation and finding domino, that this can’t go on and thus X-Forces is formed; The intellegence and black ops arm of Krakoa and the one arm of it’s goverment exempt from the ‘dont’ kill humans rule”. What followed was nearly a years worth of fast paced adventures with good character stuff: Wolverine is in his element, kid omega, while I had my doubts due to quinten being way overused , turned out to be a perfect choice basically being a more compitent teenage sterling archer, cocky and loving this but also really good at his job, while Domino gets a great arc dealing with her trauma over her mutalation and having some of her power stolen by the shadowy masked dickheads while Colossus deals with his trauma over what went down when he rescued some Russian mutants, with the book slowly building up new threats and towards a showdown with Russia, something that’s also been built up by conflicts in Wolverine and Mauraders, which again makes the world of x feel more like an actual world instead a bunch of comics in one cast herd. Jean Grey is good for intellegence, though by now seems to have noped out as she couldn’t take the toll, it’s not for everyone and most notably after 5 or 6 years of being treated worse and worse and written worse and worse and becoming a bigger and bigger piece of shit Beast is FINALLY put in the right spot: his darker turns aren’t ignored but he’s back to being an actually intellegent hero as X-force’s director, still a bit greasy but now for good reason and without a god complex or some such bullshit and with a tiny bit of his humor back. Not much else to say really, X-Force is well paced, enjoyable and gritty, getting the spirit of the team at it’s best down right while doing something fresh with it.

New Mutants (Ed Brisson) Last one, New Mutants is the odd duck of the dawn of x line in terms of how it was launched. Fallen Angels ended up being a mini series both due to Hill being busy and it’s cast being needed elsewhere but will presmibly get a follow up later, but it’s not the ONLY mini series in the line with Fantastic four/x-men, the giant sized one shots and now Empyre: X-Men all debuting in wave 2. New Mutants however is the first book to change writers and said writer STARTED in the middle of hickman’s run, partly due to scheduling delays but even before that it was partly by design and those issues haven’t been collected yet, with hickman’s short run being collected first. So you have a run that builds off what Hickman started but with it’s own ideas that started insidei t and suprisingly it .. really works. While I do think there are better books in the line Brisson’s new mutants is enjoyable, combining humor and character work. New Mutants focuses on the sextant, which was first brought up in hickman’s run, the series of habitats for younger mutants on krakoa that the new mutants look out for, and while the original new mutants are in space, Armor decides to try and bring some old friends in to join in paradise with the help of Glob Herman, that big pink guy with a visable skeleton and eyes, and Maxine and Manon, who in the tradition of layla miller were created for an event and not great htere but turned out amazing under the right writer.. who I think also wrote that event but whatever, a pair of empaths and telepaths who have trouble grasping the right ethics for using their powers. The four go to get one of my faviorite x-men back: BEAK! I missed him even if he’s weirdly suddenly repowered. Beak and his wife Angel only haven’t joiend in with their kids because his dad’s sick, and things soon escalate when a bunch of criminals try holding them all hostage and it’s up to boom boom, bored since everyone left her alone, to save the day! After that we deal with Magik rangling them and the team’s new mission statment: not wanting ot mess up again like she did with beak, who did join them but not without loosing his dad and then his memory of his dad thanks to the twins misguided efforts, Armor still wants to try welcoming new mutants in with the vetrans help, and thus we have our puprose: focusing both on how these younger mutant 20 somethigns of various ages from early to late work together to make a better world nad help their own get back to this world. it’s intresting.. I’m not in love with it like mauraders or x-force, but it’s still pretty good and their first big foe so far, DoX, a blog that well.. doxes mutants that haven’t arrived yet, seems to be intresting. Not much to say just pretty good and and better at mixing comedy and character stuff, and getting the cast right. Ed Brisson had already proven himself on old man logan, but this cements him as one of the hottest new x-writers around and i’m glad he was given a book here. He’s also succeded in making me actually like Glob Herman so that’s a plus.

Fantastic Four/X-Men The first title of wave 2 and easily one of the best, right up there with mauraders nad probably JUSST behind it and ONLY because i’ts a mini series, giving the X-Men their first real step into the rest of hte marvel universe. Sure the 4 had cameoed in the first issue and there’s been mentions of krakoa in other books and one off issues but mostly Krakoa really hadn’t impacted anything.. but that first issue also set things up with Scott’s conversation with Sue Richards

Yeah and in case those who haven’t been aware of what’s going on with the FF lately and either remember franklin as a 6-11 year old or wondered why the hell he was suddenly a teen when they read this crossover, it’s actually simple; At the end of secret wars the Richards family was put on a bus, also so marvel could shove the ff as a proper team out the door due to the whole fox rights thing, and when Dan Slott had brought them back.. and cleverly had more time pass for the richards than for the 616 proper, so he could age Franklin up to his late teens and Valeria up to her early ones, allowing the richards children to actually age since Franklin’s age always had to stay vauge due to marvel’s vage and wobbly time scale. This way they get both consitant ages and more agency. But the return also came with a price as Franklin, who if you didn’t know is so powerful he can create whole universe and shape the sturcture of the universe, had his powers break saving his family, and thus since he came back, he’s onlyg got so much of them left in the tank before they run out entirely, and it’s been an issue for him in Slott’s run as he worries about being the normal human in a fantastic family and comes to a head here, though rather than Hickman himself, who as mentioned last time has a marvelous track record with the family or FF series writer dan slott Hickman choose a wild card for this, though had both Hickman and Slott’s permission to do whatever he wanted: Chip Zdarsky, a modern marvel for marvel who’d writtne the four in marvel two in one but for some reason didn’t get the main book and this book makes me hope whenever Dan Slott bows out he gets his turn and while this is his first x-men work, Zdarsky proves he’s just as good here as is in most of his work on Howard the Duck, Jughead and Star Lord.. a weird selection I know but all classics.

With this power outage, Franklin is worried his dad is, at least subconciously, not really trying to help him and to make matters worse teh x-men show up to offer their help.. and Franklin his birthright. The arguments made by both sides are great and I will be covering the series in full soon but in a nutshell the four dont’ want to give up their son/nephew, Reed dosen’t trust Xavier and feels he wants to use his son’s powers while the x-men feel it’s franlin’s choice and he’s old enough to make it, he belongs with them and he’ll be safer there. It also works because Franklin understandably isn’t swayed by either as neither is reallyt alking to him more at him, especially his parents .. and only tries the gate when Kitty Pryde, the two bonded back in the 80s and a young franklin stopped her from comitting suicide long story but really moving, is the only one to tell him it’s his choice. This dosen’t go quite well though since Reed Richards, father of the year, decided to make a device to mask his son’s mutant gene and no one, including his own family, is happy about htis. Naturally Franklin, with Val’s help, runs away.. and then as if it couldn’t get worse DOOM shows up wanting to help so now it’s a three way dance between them for hte fate of franklin. The series has gorgeous art form the dodsons a really damn compelling story and great setup for further stories for both lines and feels like the best of both franchises. It’s the x-men’s first huge impact on the rest of the marvel universe,a nd it feels like it with the ending showing that and showing this might not be the last time both sides crossover. It’s everything you could want from a crossover and i’m only being so brief because I want to review it soon as a huge fan of both groups. Easily one of the best x-men stories of the line and one of the best stories for both groups period.

Wolverine: We’re onto the final two, and Percy’s second book and the first solo.. and it’s logan again! Makes sense though: Wolverine only just came back from the dead, and while both is daughter and alternate future self carried the woverline banner for him, the original hasn’t gotten his own ongoing in some time. And so far.. it’s pretty good> the first issues a bit messy due to it’s lenght, but overall the book is intresting and has Logan graple with being the best at waht he does and if he can be better or if he deserves paradise while also delivering a compelling solo mission teaming Wolverine up with a federal agent who resents mutants. it also does some good world building, explaning why Krakoan drugs have things like wait lists (they want to control production closely both to avoid having the flower taken away and for quality control), and expanding the russia subplot while using Dracula of all people as a major antagonist, which is clever especailly since this isn’t his first rodeo with the x-men. Just a fun book wiht loads of promise.

Hellions: NOt much to say here as it��s hard to judge after two issues, buti f nothing else this series brought back the delightfully batshit Nanny, who just with last weeks issue offered to nurse Greycrow (who had his name changed from scalphunter because of course marvel did why wouldn’t they) and falling down. It combines humor with an odd but well thought out cast and makes Alex Summers intresting without making everyone else assholes, a hard but earned feet. If it continues to be good.. I dunno, especially since i haven’t been impressed by any of zeb wells other works especially his new mutants run, good god that one’s am ess, but so far he’s winning me over with a clever concept and roster full of deep cuts. Final Thoughts: I won’t be covering Empyre: X_men, though I did enjoy it and i’l save that one for next time. For now this has been a hell of a year of x-men comics, with even the weaker books still having something intresting and none being outright terribule and only one had a bad grasp on some of it’s cast and for a line this big and expansive, that’s a gold medal achivment. After YEARS of stasis the x-men have finally risen again better, bolder and stranger than ever. IS every book A+ gold star etc etc, no, but what’s important.. is that it’s all DECENT. There’s enough standout books to make it work but as i’ve made clear what isn’t the best of the best is still good or decent. There’s nothing bad, no one phoning it in or not giving an effort, everyone is trying thier hardest and succeding on SOME level even if not completely and that.. that’s truly amazing and I look forward to more of it as this line continues. Pax Krakoa and hopefully i’ll see you again.

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yakumtsaki · 4 years

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Alright you guys, sorry for the delay, I’ve had to restart this post 20 fucking times because my changes weren’t being saved in the draft and then I kept getting the ‘upload failed’ error. In case you don’t remember wtf is going on you might wanna re-read the last update (I certainly had to) which is apparently from JUNE 2018. Jfc I suck so hard. Now this was gonna be really long but tumblr wouldn’t post it so I’m breaking it up in 3 parts, part 2 to be posted tomorrow. For those that don’t feel like reading back, general recap of the last couple updates:

Jojo cheated on Wyatt with Max Flexor and my solution to that marital crisis was to adopt our first dog ever, a puppy hilariously named Maxx.

The puppy grew up to be an asshole and is constantly beating up the cats, who have turned into giant pussies (no pun intended) and are losing every fight to him despite the fact they’re named after Mortal Kombat characters. They’re a fucking disgrace to Alegra’s/Victor’s/Ronroneo’s memory and I haven’t settled on a cat heir yet because they both suck.

Jojo is perma miserable, I don’t even remember how much money away from his 100k LTW, and still not a werewolf despite my pathologically persistent attempts to make him friends with the wolf.

Fucking useless Wyatt didn’t get promoted while Komei was alive providing us with his 100 townie friends, we spent 20 updates befriending every rando that crossed our lot to secure his promotion, and then finally on the day he was supposed to become Captain Hero, Wyatt got, of course, fired and is now on track to take longer to complete his literal career based LTW than Komei took to get 6 pets on the top of their careers.

Absolutely everyone hates noogie addict Shajar, she got a Kylo Ren makeover, and we still don’t know what her sexual orientation is thanks to her ridiculous fitness/fatness turn ons and cleanliness turn off.

Golden child/10 nice points freakshow Cyneswith grew up, rolled romance with the most disturbing turn-ons/offs possible (grey hair/mechanical & charisma turn off) and the 20 simultaneous lovers LTW.

Wulf grew up into a kid, got an Amadeus makeover, is officially a Wyatt clone and the only member of this family I don’t completely hate yet.

Now I’d like to begin the first Union post in more than a year by requesting you do me a solid and lower your expectations for this thing as far down as humanly possible. Like really try to recreate the Jules Verne classic “Journey to the Center of the Earth” with your expectations here, because my brain is so fucking fried that there’s a 20% chance I randomly start citing sources at some point during this post. This grad school crap has seriously been the worst trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever. And speaking of bad trade deals, let’s get this update rolling with the man, the myth, the legend, the husband who managed to make Komei look like a dreamboat in comparison..

..Wyatt fucking Union, née Monif. It’s been a long time, but I’m not gonna lie to you Wyatt, not nearly long enough. Looking good man, just one small question, where the fuck are your eyebrows?

-You àccidéntally deléted thém, imbécilé, et I cannôt exprèss my irritatiόn prόperly becausé I hàve non eyebrôws!

Did your selective French accent get thicker this past year or is it just me?

-It géts thickér whén je suis distrésséd, givé moi mon eyebrôws bàcc!!!

No can do, brother. Actually can do, but I think the Mona Lisa look is working for you, and more importantly I still hate you, so I’m just gonna hardcore ignore you for the rest of this post if that’s ok. Talk to me when you finally get promoted, aka never the way this shit is going.

-Non! NON! MON EYEBROWS!

It’s been lovely catching up.

Jojό I mean Jojo, goddammit Wyatt, is spending most of his time building robots in the mausoleum (sweet hipster band name alert)..

..giving financial advice in Shajar’s room (inb4 what’s the difference between the mausoleum and Shajar’s room)..

..building evil snowmen alone in the middle of the night, like all mentally healthy middle aged men with 3 kids are wont to do..

..and getting the piss harassed out of him by the cat ghosts in the bathroom (sweet hipster band name alert #2). How is this like the fourth time this happens in the exact same spot, will you just stop autonomously cleaning the bathroom after midnight? It’s obviously where the cats hang out, give it the fuck up already.

-I’m actively TRYING TO DIE you absolute moron, what does a guy have to do to get killed around here?

Yea can’t say that I blame you but not happening, you can commit suicide by Ghost Alegra after the kids fuck off to college, ok? I promise.

-Oh like you promised me being heir was a route worth pursuing??

Um obviously you too need to go back and re-read your own life story, because I spent the entirety of our “““cherished””” time together telling you heirship is a shitty gig at generation 2. And then to top it off you went and married Wyatt to ensure maximum shittiness, so there you go, fucking enjoy. God I am so sick of both of you losers and we’re only 5 pics in. Let’s check in with your spawn, I’m sure they can’t possibly be more annoying than their parents-

-oh right, I forgot, this is the generation with 10/10/9 active points where the party never stops. Cyneswith are you somehow twerking to classical music?

-How else am I gonna attract all those hot senior citizens per my grey hair turn on and 20 lovers LTW?

Ok great yea I see how this is gonna go, you’re trying to entice people into voting you for heir based on how torturous playing this fucked up LTW is gonna be for me, well forget it, my readers are intellectuals and completely above such petty entertainment. (istg mofos, don’t even think about it, i already did Komei’s 5 pets career shit, i will burn this place to the ground if you saddle me with Cyneswith banging the elderly for 30 years)

-No need to worry your stupid little head, I will beat Cyneswith for HEIR just like I beat her HAIR up daily! HAHA!

Shajar no offense but you’re a fucking war crime of a sim, nearly everyone who’s ever met you hates you including your parents, and the fact that you’re the alternative here is really not helping my situation in any way. Also how the fuck are you gonna be heir when the only thing you seem to be attracted to is giving noogies, you’re like one week away from college and I still don’t even know if you’re str8 or gay or bi or w/e the fuck you are. You have Jojo’s personality combined with..

..yes exactly, DANIEL’S SOCIAL ABILITIES. I mean I was joking with the whole ‘Shajar’s the spawn of Satan’ thing, but this combo of traits was clearly drawn up in Hell’s boardroom.

ANYWAY. It’s a snowy Sunday morning, and anyone who has been a teen knows what that means:

Time to go clubbing! Man I remember being like 15, waking up on a freezing Sunday morning and my mom making me a cup of hot chocolate before I drove off to the club. Those were the days.

-Uh, Shaj, when did you learn how to drive?

-Don’t be stupid, Cyneswith, people don’t need to ‘learn’ how to drive.

-They absolutely do, actually.

-Well what can I tell you, the dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.

-Here we are, safe and sound! Celebratory noogie!

-YOU RAN OVER 9 PEOPLE

-How many times to I have to explain this to you, Apartment Life townies are not people.

Can’t argue with that logic. Let’s just go in and find out what Shajar’s sexual orientation is once and for all so I can spend the rest of this update aggressively promoting Wulf’s candidacy.

Now I consider ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’ one of the dumbest sayings there is, but even I have to concede that this particular picture truly is worth a thousand words. Quick poll, what is more horrifying, Shajar’s literal Joker face or Cyneswith, whom I’ve never seen read a book ever, autonomously pulling one out in the middle of the dance floor, in what I can only assume is an attempt to attract old perverts with the schoolgirl routine?

And I know what some of you are thinking, you’re like ‘bro, you’re just reaching to make a bad joke bro, Cyneswith is just a sweet nice introvert and not like other girls, she doesn’t feel comfortable in the club’, well to that let me reply with another picture that is worth a thousand words:

Yea that’s right, on the first minute of our first time out WE RUN INTO THAT ONE ELDER TOWNIE THAT HAS WRINKLE MAKE UP ON. GODDAMMIT CYNESWITH

Do you guys remember how Jojo was obsessed with Stephen Tinker as a teen? Are you seeing the connection here?? Those kids have literally inherited the worst possible traits from both their parents turned up to 11, it’s fucking unreal.

Right after I get over Wrinkle’s presence I turn around and what do I see, those 2, who have never had a non-noogie physical interaction, autonomously doing the family kiss thing. I didn’t even catch it on time because I was loling irl, we came out here so these assholes can find age-appropriate partners, and instead they’re kissing each other. Seems about right with this family, and clearly Striped Scarf’s dumb ass ships it.

-They look so much alike, it’s meant to be!

Yes, and they even share the same last name! Talk about written in the stars.

Thankfully Abhijeet is here to save us from incest by perving on Cyneswith. GTFO ABHIJEET. Anyone like ‘bro townies just autonomously come to greet your sims on community lots regardless of age, stop calling them perverts’, see you in about 5 pics down.

I try to have Shajar chat up Striped Scarf and suffice it to say Shaj ~stole her heart~ and presumably put it on this stick to wave around.

NO. CYNESWITH NO. I’m seriously having déjà vu of all the times I was like ‘NO. JOJO NO’, jfc.

Shajar is unsurprisingly exhibiting no interest in socializing with anyone around her, instead she’s trying every activity this terribly lit place has to offer, and she looks demented while doing it:

I’m feeling a primal urge to photoshop Darth Vader’s melted helmet on the bowling ball here, someone please remind me to do it for the heir vote photoshoot.

-HA. SUCK IT DENISE JACQUET

That’s Denise Jacquet?! I can’t tell who anyone is for shit anymore. The default replacements are a scourge upon premade brands, I’m getting rid of them pronto. Speaking of scourges, where the hell is your sister?

-Who cares?

I wanna say ‘me’ but we both know that’s a lie.

Oh ok, THERE SHE IS.

-So you see Cyneswith, just because something is technically ‘illegal’, doesn’t mean it’s morally wrong-

Yea yea fascinating stuff, now get out of the hot tub or I will fucking neuter you, I don’t know if a eunuch mod already exists for medieval games but I will make one if it doesn’t.

Here, Cyneswith, drink some water, have a nice G-rated convo with your sister about violins and stop pissing me off.

-First of all this is straight vodka.

Great.

-Secondly Shajar is talking about Mozart’s coprophilia.

-I sure am.

Amazing. Well, I guess it’s at times like these when you need to look inside your heart and truly ask yourself, what did you expect from Jojo’s children.

ABHIJEET ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME DID YOU EVEN HEAR ME TALK ABOUT CASTRATION

-Ha, I went home and put on my most elderly-looking formal wear!

-I hate to see you go but I love to watch you leave Ab <3

CYNESWITH SHUT UP. I can’t believe you people are actually making me miss Gunther’s teenage whoring, at least he kept it age appropriate.

-Is some random lady pressing her breasts against my head?

She most certainly is, Shajar, because it is now crystal clear that this bowling alley doubles as the site of annual perv townie convention and we walked right into it-

-and it’s also clear we have serious issues and are enjoying ourselves. Shaj I legit don’t know what to tell you, this is the first time you get along with someone right away and it just had to be the adult with the bad haircut and the flasher’s trench coat???

-You’re damn right it did.

Alright then, I’m officially going to nope out of this situation, safe in the knowledge you’re a noogiesexual and nothing will actually happen with this freak, so I’ll focus on Cyneswith instead who is much more of a loose canon.

Here Cyn, talk to this guy, who I’m 90% sure is the same guy your father rejected in favor of stalking Stephen Tinker when he was your age.

-Ohhhh, he’s dreamy!

Omg really?? Halleluj-

-oh never mind, you were of course referring to adult ass Brandon Lillard. I do like that our townies have recurring roles each generation, we should make rejecting Blondie a rite of passage in this family. We should also officially gtfo because this is happening:

-Um, now that I’m looking at you in harsher lighting, it’s gonna be a no from me dawg.

Oh, thank the fucking lord.

-Let’s celebrate the fact we didn’t get hopelessly obsessed with any adults here by doing the traditional Dance of Normality!

-We beat Dad’s genes, we beat Dad’s genes!

-We’re normal!

Yes, and we’re definitely showing it. Can we please leave now so I can make sure I’ve uninstalled Inteenminator and turn off free will?

-Nop! Venue change!

-Got-out-of-the-car celebratory noogie!

-Made-it-to-the-door celebratory noogie!

Shajar you unironically have a noogie addiction, I’m not kidding in the slightest, you need to see a doctor.

Great, great, not another teen in sight and to top it off Denise followed us here to ensure maximum elder presence. I feel comfortable officially declaring this day a complete waste of time.

God, the vintage pink dress and the pink alcohol combo is some straight up current era Taylor Swift nonsense. That’s it, we’re outta here, back home where no one is lurking, waiting to strike at us-

-SOPHIE NOOOOOOOOOOOO💔💔💔💔💔

-The Lord is my shepherd.

NO HE ISN’T EVERYONE KNOWS YOU CAN’T HERD CATS PLEASE DON’T DIE

-Nop, I’m over it. Goodbye heathens, it’s been nice, hope you don’t find your paradise.

UGH SOPHIE, my beloved Westboro lunatic, the last gangsta generation 1 cat we had.. I can’t believe you’re gone and all I’m left with is stupid Goro and D’vorah who can’t even beat up the fucking dog. This is truly painful.

Yes, pets, I agree, Kaylynn is completely to blame for Sophie dying of old age. The time has now come to decide on a cat heir-

-and since Goro ran away like a little bitch after Sophie’s death despite the fact he didn’t even like her, he’s automatically disqualified and will be going off to live on Melody and Daniel’s farm once returned to us. Congratulations to D’vorah I guess, on being the least terrible of two terrible options.

On the topic of terrible heir options, Cyn has non-stop wants to go on dates and have her first kiss and all that crap, and since our Sunday morning clubbing was a bust we invite over the matchmaker.

-Hello there young Union, I see your house has been upgraded since I was last here.

Oh right we haven’t required your services since Daniel was a teen and we lived in a trailer, well we are flush with cash now!

-Hopefully your payment reflects that.

It will!! Just please give us someone good, I can’t deal with single teen Cyn for one more second.

-Oh my, what a beautiful BLANK PIECE OF PAPER.

WHAT!? NO THAT’S 5K IT’S JUST A SNOW GLITCH

-What do I look like to you, a money thawing service?

Does such a service.. exist??

-It does not, so I have to go home and use a hairdryer on this!

Just come inside and we’ll give you non-frozen money!

-No, no, you’ll get what you paid for..

-Have a magical time!

...

.........

......................

Lakshmi this was so fucking evil that I almost want to age you down and see if you and Shajar hit it off.

-As if, the whole neighborhood knows what you did to Komei.

Helped him achieve his insane 6-pets-career LTW?

-Turned him into a servant while your sim was lounging around all day!

Oh yea I did do that. But Wyatt was also a townie and he does literally nothing, Jojo is the servant now!

-Only because Wyatt is too fucking stupid to do things! Word has gotten out, no townie will ever marry in this family again unless they’re brain dead, so it’s Wyatts only for you from now on, sister!

Well this has been a complete fucking disaster. It was great seeing you again, Lakshmi, thanks for the dream date with the adult farting machine, 5k well-spent.

Pretty sure it was you bro, and yes, how about we don’t do that again.

Wyatt has brought over Amanda from work! (Aka Victoria’s only friend and subsequent lesbian lover, who is really pretty and is definitely getting married in at some point, preferably after the brown hair genes have been weakened so we can go back to being gingers.)

-Wow Shajar, your grandmother, God rest her soul, mentioned you were her favorite and now I can see why! Loving the Kylo Ren look!

-Is someone being genuinely nice to me?! What is happening?

-Yes, please stop being nice to her, Amanda, we don’t want her getting used to it.

Jojo istg.

-Cyneswith dear, tell Amanda all about how much money your grandmother left you so she can stop being nice to Shajar.

-Soooo much money, Miss Amanda!

-Ah, what a polite child I’ve single-handedly raised.

-Now, Cyneswith, you really need to get back on the dating scene so you have ample time to find the perfect spouse and continue our line, since you’re clearly the only one of my children that is remotely heir material.

-Dad, Shajar and Wulf are right next to you.

-Oh they are? I’m wearing my special contact lenses that make those disappointments invisible to me, but even better, they need to hear this. Shajar is a noogiesexual and thus incapable of reproduction, and Wulf is not even a Union, I mean have you seen that kid? Wyatt reproduced by himself like the amoeba he is. Now, your grandmother-

-YOU MENTIONED ME 3 TIMES AND HERE I AM

OH FUCK VICTORIA, deleting the default replacements gave you base game hair!!!!

-That’s the part you’re scared by, not my Beetlejuicesque entrance?

There’s literally nothing scarier than your ghost sporting this haircut for all eternity, I’m re-downloading that default immediately.

-Oh mom, so good to see you! Let me just hug my beloved child, Shijer-

-Shajar, dad.

-SHAJAR, let me hug Shajar, like I do all the time.

-I’m glad to see you’re not picking favorites among your children like I did, the way I treated David-

-Daniel, mom.

-DANIEL, is the one thing I’ve truly been regretting in the afterlife. That and not skinning Marisa Bendett alive when I had the chance.

-Well, as you can see by Shajar’s totally normal and not at all shocked reaction to my hug, I am a wonderful, fair, and emotionally available father.

(Bruh this freaked me out so much when it happened, I mean I KNOW it’s an animation glitch but I was convinced my sims had become sentient for a good while after)

-Is your grandmother’s ghost still on the premises?

-Yup.

-When will this nightmare end, paying attention to you is the worst.

-Ok she’s gone.

-FINALLY. Now it’s back to the crypt for you, and don’t you dare go complain to her urn!

-Ah, Stephen, Stephen, my life is crap and I can’t even🎵

And with the knowledge you have composed a theme song for Stephen Tinker, part 1 of the Union comeback update is concluded. Will Shajar’s sexual orientation reveal itself? Will Cyneswith find true love? Will Jojo become a werewolf? Will Wulf continue to be the only dignified member of this family? Will D’vorah have kittens? Will Wyatt do literally anything worth mentioning? Tune in for parts 2 & 3 to find out, unfollow button on the upper right corner for those who need it.

#gen 2 #ts2

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hellobrockie · 4 years

Text

Some very long Rambly TROS thoughts

Holy fuck there is so much wrong with this movie.

Let's start at the beginning. Kylo tracks down the wayfinder/holocron crystal thing that will lead him to the sith homeworld. We learn that Palpatine was behind both the Snoke and Vader voices in Kylo’s head-basically the dude has been manipulating him for 30 years. Kylo states very clearly he's gonna kill this motherfucker. This is very in line with the Last Jedi- Kylo wants to destroy everything- the Sith the Jedi the Resistance- because he’s tired of the constant push-pull of rejection and manipulation. BUT THEN HE DOESNT KILL PALPATINE???? At first the film argues that he doesn't kill Palps because Palps promises him the big FINAL ORDER fleet? Okay...but I don’t think Kylo really gives a shit about a big fleet of ships when it's offered by the fucker who has been scrabbling his brains for shits and giggles. Once the ‘Rey Palpatine’ thing comes to light, we are lead to believe Kylo went along with the whole final order plan because he wanted to kill Palpatine together with REY???? Ahh okay?

So now we switch back to Rey. She's basically a jedi, cool. And I guess the Skywalker saber just fixed itself, with literally no scars or anything. A great visual representation about how this film feels about character development that happened in The Last Jedi. So Rey breaks concentration and fails the courses. According to the film, this happens because sheisapalpatine. If you had two brain cells you would realize Rey could be upset for normal reasons ...like that in order to the Resistance to win she’s going to have to put Kylo down like a dog. Its kinda cool that Leia is her teacher (more on that later).

Soo then we spend the next hour on a pointless adventure with the Trio™. Which would be fun, if they were ever established as a Trio. Arguably the real trio might be Rose-Finn-Poe. More on Rose later. Here is a list of incomprehensible things that happen here:

Kylo reforges his mask. Because Reasons? The knights of Ren. Because Reasons?

A handful of force bond scenes. The first one actually isn’t half bad. By wearing the mask, Kylo is rejecting the intimacy inherent to the connection because he is about to defile it. Grabbing Rey’s necklace is a physical and emotional violation. It's the first time he has ever used the connection for personal gain. The other connection scenes mostly just play around with the two of them being able to pass each other stuff. They lack the careful editing of TLJ connection scenes. Disclaimer: I’m a pretty hard core Reylo and these scenes really lacked the magic they previously had.This might be un-purpose Kylo is clearly pretty lost as this point. Dull, lacking in heart like so much of this film.

Kylo becomes a cartoon power ranger villian spouting Palpatine exposition and attempting to create suspense by almost catching the trio a couple times. Some of the dialogue is almost Revenge of the Sith Anakin level awkward. It lacks both the unstable angry energy of FA or the sad tired boi energy of TLJ.

Rey makes force lighting because I guess she was upset and it's a genetic ability now???

Poe gets a female love interest, becuase hes heterosexual. HeTeroSeXUal.

Poe and Finn flirt for a whole hour while Poe checks out some new chick and Finn now has a harem thing kinda.

Poe is now a spice trader. BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE'S THE HAN SOLO OF THE TRILOGY. Let's just forget that TLJ establishes that Poe is his own character, probably loyal to the resistance since birth. His parents are rebellion alumni.

Two death fake outs. I don’t know why they had to give 3PO his memories back. He lost them at the end of the Prequels and R2 loved him anyway. Chewbacca capture was a missed opportunity to get some resolution to him shooting Kylo in the gut.

Hux is the spy. Lovely. He is the ultimate weak bitch. Tbh the most consistent character development. Arguably my favorite detail on the entire film. Perfect execution. Domhnall Gleason is a gift.

Now onto Endor. Endor has so much potential and squanders most of it.

Finn meets other people who left the stormtrooper program. Cool. Weird how it's tied to force sensitivity. I like the idea of the force putting Poe and Finn in the right place at the right time, but I think to imply people’s ability to escape slavery is tied to force sensitivity brings us to the problematic terrority of the sequels. Also the only one who talks to Finn is also black. And Clearly has a romantic vibe. Okay…..

The Rey Palpatine thing is made explicit. Even though anyone will half a brain figured it out 90 minutes ago. More wierd implications…..who would agree to fuck an old man Palpatine? So Rape i guess. Rey’s parents were normal...is this some kinda side material hook to read more about them or some shit??? Kylo refers to Rey’s parents as ‘filthy junk traders’. He's right. THEY SOLD HER INTO FUCKING SLAVERY. However Rey’s parents are good people??? WTF THIS IS THE JEDI COUNCIL ALL OVER AGAIN.

Soo Kylo destroys the wayfinder to force Rey to work with him. Anti-Reylos will often get their panties in a twist about how it’s an ‘abusive relationship’. This is the only scene that really comes off as manipulative- in a way it never did in TLJ. Partly because they play up this idea of power-hungry Kylo (which has little basis in reality. In FA he just wanted to make Snoke his daddy. And TLJ Kylo is just soo fucking lonely) rather than sad boi Kylo trying to hold onto someone. Damn the TLJ throne scene is soo careful with getting that energy right, balancing the heartbreak with a little gaslighting (sorry off topic). Then They Fight. Kylo doesn’t even pull out a saber at first because he literally has no intention of killing her. Rey fights because she's mad. Leia decides to intervene at this time, which is weird because Kylo still has no intention of hurting Rey. Apparently Leia sending Kylo a text is enough to freak him out. THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN THE TIME FOR FLASHBACKS, MAYBE A ‘YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE’ TO TIE HIM BACK TO HIS NAMESAKE.

Instead Rey gets him in the gut. She then heals him, something that should have been really intimate. This would have been time to kiss him in that wistful ‘ I wanted to know what it would be like before I exile myself forever way’. This is one of the scenes that desperately needed more breathing room AND GIVE KYLO SOME FUCKING DIALOGUE YOU COWARDS. Healing him combined with Leia stuff should have reduced Kylo to a pile of tears. I think he would find it completely overwhelming that someone thinks he is worth it, worth a part of their life source, worth their final breathes.

Oh woah surprise Han Solo. This kinda works for me because unlike robot Leia and fairy godmother Luke, Han looks alive. Plus Han is only a memory so Kylo has to save himself, make his own choice. Aww fuck this got me the closest to tears becuase he looks so fucking sad about the fact that he can’t go home. Damn you Adam Driver and you’re big weepy eyes. His mother is dead and I don’t think he ever truly realized that she wanted him back. I guess with the way things went with Luke, he just assumed he was unwanted. Even now, Han is the only one of the 3 Ben can really imagine taking him back. Who knew Han was such a softie. At the same time there is something so unintentionally sad about the fact that Ben’s whole family can become force ghosts and not a single one gives enough of a shit about him to show up at the turning point of his life.

Also the implication that Ben turns to protect Leia’s lifework is strange. Leia’s legacy is the Rebellion, a democratic senate, a planet wiped off the map, NOT SKYWALKER JEDI #2 JJ!!!!! Ben doesn’t even interact with any of the larger powers at work, he just saves Rey.

Also while Ben’s guilt and shame about killing Han (his true sin) keep him on the dark side, this doesn’t address the 8 million other reasons he left the light. Also why do Leia and Rey never discuss this???? His own fucking family repeatedly rejected him because of his ‘Vadar-ness’ which is ironic considering…….

Then we cut to Rey’s fairy godmother-esque trip to Ahch-To where she arms herself with all of the Skywalker’s personal effects:

Mad that Rian Johnson denied you that ESB fanservice call-back of Luke being able to pull his x-wing out of water?? Don’t worry JJ has got you covered.

Mad that Leia didn’t have lightsaber? Don’t worry JJ has got you covered, Leia was always prepared to be a back up to Luke because she doesn’t have her own perspective or anything or like a whole fucking political system to run. Also she stopped training because apparently completing her journey would end in Ben’s death...ooo SmArT foreshadowing that Rey using her lightsaber will end in one dead Ben boi.

Leia and Luke ALWAYS knew about Rey Palps. Which is funny because they threw their own flesh and blood in the trash because he seemed kinda Vader-y. I guess it's wrong to judge people by their bloodlines unless its your own bloodline. I can’t even.

There is no mention of Ben at all- even though Leia and Luke both died for him and Rey put her whole heart into saving him.

Now to Exeger or whatever again. Almost two hours in and we’re back at the planet we were on in the first 5 minutes.

Spaceship stuff happens. Take out your checklist to get those pilot and ship cameos. Ooo look its The Ghost! OG trilogy pilot! Lando is there! WOOO! Poe’s girlfriend lived somehow!

Ben’s last words are ‘Ow’.

Palps wants Rey to kill him because I guess that will make her evil? Since when does killing people make you evil? I don’t think killing Palps to save the world in the same as ‘striking your enemies down in hatred’ or whatever.

Oh Hey Ben is here. Palps doesn’t care much I guess even though trolling Skywalkers is his whole life’s passion.

Palps drains the life out of Ben/Rey. They don’t die. Ben goes flying into a pit. Rey has to face Palps alone because I guess even though Ben/Rey are stronger together and are cosmically linked the lone jedi thing will happen anyway?? Is feminism about doing everything on your own rather than building meaningful connections with your equal partner. Honestly only Men would think a women has to do everything alone to prove her worth, Rey has been wanting allies and family her whole life LET HER HAVE IT.

Also okay sooo Palps did technically kill Rey’s parents and she had about a whole 5 minutes to think about that. Multiple generations of Ben’s family have been tortured by this guy, so I think it would be rather cathartic to see him play a bigger role in the end of Palp.

Rey enters the Avatar State. Cue more fanservice cameos (I love you Ahsoka, but you said it yourself, you ain’t a jedi). In another backhanded slap to TLJ were back on the TheJediDidNothingWrong line of thinking. Anakin is present ...I wonder if anyone else is interested in talking to him…...

Rey dies. I’m not sure why. Palps legit sucked the life of her and she lived, but the Avatar State killed her.

Ben crawls out of pit. Damn Adam Driver has legs for days. He heals Rey, its kinda sweet but it's also really really weird that he hasn’t said anything. Not saying we need an over the top love declaration but even his emotionally constipated parents managed to get an ‘I love you’ out.

Ben saves Rey. The thing Anakin thought the dark side would give him the power to do. Interesting bookend. Sad that my boy has such low self preservation, he gives her his life without hesitation. Why do we have to die for other people? It’s much harder to have to live for other people. To move and grow beyond the past. To try and be our best everyday, even when its hard. Isn’t that real redemption?

Ben kisses Rey. Awww. Its missing some of the elements of a big romantic drama kiss, which I would be okay with ...if it was followed up with a big romantic kiss with a sunset on a new planet before the credits roll. Alas this does not happen. The audience is somewhat befuddled since their had been almost no dialogue referencing their emotional connections. The ‘no one knows me./I do.’ dialogue from the trailer did not appear in film.

Ben smiles. It has all the boyish charm and innocence Anakin wished he had in the prequels. Aww he really has never kissed anyone. I wonder when the last time he smiled was. HAS THIS MAN EVER HAD A GOOD DAY HIS ENTIRE LIFE. I am emotionally moved until approximately 2 seconds later….

Ben dies. There is no funeral. No mention. Rey doesn’t shed a single tear. This dude literally gave you his life without hesitation. Is Reylo one-sided? Or at least not equally felt? Ow. U The Resistance doesn’t wonder what happened to the Supreme leader. We know at the end of TLJ Luke became a legend, I do not think this happens to Ben.

The Resistance parties. Cue Return of the Jedi film reel. Poe and Finn are heterosexual. No resolution to the stupid ReyFinn force sensitve thing. Two women kiss. It will be cut out of the Chinese release.

Rey buries the lightsabers on Tatooine because you know Luke lived there and Leia once wore a metal bikini there. Rey choose the name Rey Skywalker. Which is interesting because she didn’t get along that well with Luke. She finished her training with Leia Organa Solo, Princess of Alderaan who just happens to have been a result of a sperm donation from Anakin Skywalker. She found a father figure in Han Solo. She loved a guy named Ben Solo. I’m not saying she should name herself Rey Solo, but it certainly is better than Rey Skywalker. I mean it's almost like a person's worth and ability aren’t dependent on either a bloodline or acceptance into the galaxies most powerful family. Rey nobody would have been fine. I’m not going to get into the feminist angle of a self made women tying herself to the legacy of a man. Cue theaterwide groaning.

Twin suns. Cool. I liked them better in The Last Jedi.

Rey has a yellow-ish lightsaber and maybe made out of her staff. Wonder where she got the crystals from and why they didn’t introduce it earlier. Possible implication she's going the way of the ‘grey’ jedi? idk some Jedi have yellow actually. Ahsoka had a yellow one. Not sure since this film is back on the JediwayisBest bullshit.

We see Luke and Leia's force ghosts. Ben’s last word was ‘ow’.

In Summary, some odd implications:

Rey Palpatine is quite possibly the worst idea of all time. Worse than midichlorians. The highest level of fanboy pandering and Rian Johnson erasure. Rey has a lot of very real things to be angry about - her rough childhood, the deaths of her mentors, loving someone as dense as Ben Solo, having to come to terms with the fact that her parents didn’t love her.

Return to prequel-esque thinking on slavery. Apparently it is not that bad if you sell someone as long as you do it with LOVE.

Making Finn force sensitive is not character development. Its just half assed pandering and additional exposition in a film filled with exposition.

There is some truly awful dialogue in this film. Its shot composition and editing is so sloppy compared to FA or TLJ.

The force in balance means killing everyone on the darkside.

Rose is completely sidelined. She is the only Asian character on screen. She is seemingly replaced with a black woman who has a similar background to Finn and is a scavenger like Rey. Yikes. Why does this feel like an anti-interacial relationship thing.

Said Black women Jarrah talks to Lando, another black character in a bizarre dialogue that vaguely implies all black people are related. I might be really misreading this, but its weird. I would have liked her to talk to Rose instead because female solidarity.

FinnPoe is played up a LOT. But we are also repeatedly reminded they are attracted to women. This does not feel like woke Bisexual culture. This is pandering without making a commitment.

Rey’s worth as a character is related to her connection to powerful people in the Star Wars mythos, not her own traits.

Ben’s character resonates really strongly with abuse victims and outsiders. His lack of dialogue strips him of a lot of his agency. His estrangement from his family is not resolved. Vader, who arguably did a lot worse things gets a whole dying monologue and force ghost thing.

Oh hey C3PO said the festival is every 42 year old….OG came out 42 years ago. heh.

In Summary:

Watch the Clone Wars animated series

Fall in love with Ahsoka

Watch Star Wars Rebels or at least all the episodes with Ahsoka and also the series finale, it's got some cool force stuff in it.

Think about the cool force stuff in Star Wars Rebels and the cool force stuff in The Last Jedi. Woah.

Apply all this cool force stuff to your own personal version of the Rise of Skywalker

Wait for clone wars finale Feb 2020

Rinse and Repeat

Peg Kylo Ren

Oscar Isaac is the Captain on the FinnPoe Ship.

The Last Jedi was the Best One. Fight Me.

Find the fanfiction where Rey tells him what a good boi he is which reduces him to a puddle. Find the fanfiction where he cries during sex the first time, the second time, every time. Find the fanfiction where his force ghost gets a hug, where his family welcomes his back.

Read Fanfiction:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21852886

What I would do instead:

Delete Rey Palpatine

Ditch the mask. You have a fucking Oscar nomiated actor hiding under it.

After the Endor part, have Kylo join either Rey or the Resistance. Personally I think him hitching a ride on the Falcon would have been wonderfully awkward. And maybe give some closure the calling Finn a ‘traitor’ thing. This is fanservice-y, but no more fanservice-y than the rest of the film. And maybe finally answer the question of who does/doesnt know who Kylo Ren is. Would like a verbal declaration that he identifies as Ben Solo or least Ben or something.

Ben can still die I guess but maybe give him some kinda funeral. Or reuse the golden dice symbolism.

Slow everything done. Let the audience feel sad, feel happy. Oh and cut out those fucking death fake outs.

#tros #rambling #reylo #spoilers #rey #Rey of Jakku no last name given #why did i write this #catharthis #ben solo

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