btw in case it was not abundantly clear, this blog is NOT a safe space for proshippers / whatever other names they go by nowadays.

all of my content is written of consenting adult readers, with characters who are also written as adult (and are not portrayed as children in canon!!), BY an adult author. i do not endorse content that includes incest, abuse, pedophilia, bestiality or any otherwise illegal or immoral things.

i politely ask that you don’t come into my inbox to to “debate” me over this, either. i have no interest in engaging in discourse or harassment of anyone, myself or otherwise, and any comments trying to engage in a debate or argument will just be deleted.

thank you <3

Comms 1400-600

Current State of Social Media’s Ethics

Social media can be used for many different things, post pictures, upload videos, promote business, discover new places to travel to and more. You may receive likes, comments and shares on these activities too. Not all of these 3 things are good nor bad, but it does make the user feel different feelings depending on the status of the responses. Well that’s what we’re here to explain in this blog.

The state of social medias ethics as of right now I’m my opinion is a mix of both negative and positive. On Tik Tok the developers tend to their communities behaviors and prevents negative things from appearing on your for you page. Not all of these are caught by Tik Tok administrators so some users are deeply effected by these negative opinions and comments. With tik tok they show more posts of what you tend to like often. So let’s say you’d like a comment to where it was dark humor, the app will place more and more videos relating to dark humor so that your apart of that “side” of Tik Tok.

The current state of social media ethics is very socially exhausting. I say this because the social community comes up ridiculous trends an example such as the trend “Gallon Smash” where the user would go into grocery stores and purposely fall with milk cartons in their hands causing the gallons to explode over the floor.

Two cases are the Amber Heard V Depp where users are calling out amber heard for lying while also making memes out of her and the facial expressions captured during the trial. The other case is the Tory Lanez v MeganTheStallion where Tory allegedly shot Megan in the foot during a night out. News recently came up that Megan framed Tory after finding out that she had stepped on glass instead. This got the attention of social media and the ethics were pretty much the same as Amber Heard. Megan was made fun of, criticized, and being held accountable for lying.

The current code of ethics for Footlocker, footlocker is a professional shoe company that sells sneakers to people all over the world. But without social media their sales wouldn’t be as high. Footlocker has a positive current code of ethics due to the positive feedback they receive on their promotion videos through Tik tok, Instagram and YouTube Ads. Also wading in this company’s ethical background can bring along helpful information that you can use in the future for your own purposes. Ethics aren’t always about good and bad, it’s also connected to being successful, people who take in the knowledge from the videos learn something new everyday.

Brands such as PlayStation, Chipotle, Gymshark, and McDonald’s utilize the social media ethical practices well enough to bring in millions of sales a day. Two professionals who I think practice ethical practices are Tom Brady and Lebron James, the reason i say this because these two are well praised in all forms of social media apps due to either they’re work ethic, good deeds outside of their job, or being the great men they are. They showcase these acts positively through social media to influence others to follow in their footsteps. I practice positivity in a sense to where I don’t feed into the negative I come across. Doing things such as posting, reposting, uploading videos of me doing good things or fun activities helps me practice peace.

Some of the good and bad you’ll run into when adhering to your own conduct online is receiving a lot of attention but then being criticized. It may be a comment, share or caption but someone will always have an opinion. I try my best to post neutral thoughts or topics so that there won’t be any arguments or disagreements. I try to engage in kind content and stay away from anything that would ruin my day.

What I feel as if you should avoid on the media is the urge to rush your life due to others uploading about theirs. Or get upset with yourself because your not where that person is in life. This will only slow you down and prevent you from being where you want to be, by watching others and taking your time to pay attention to see what others are doing you’re only hurting yourself. In other words, never compare your life with someone’s social life !

5 key concepts to follow as a practing social media professional

Brand ( Having a “hook” of a brand to draw an audience)

Audience ( Use hashtags and key words to reach certain audiences)

Communication (Ask for feedback)

Investment ( Buy promotion, Build your brand)

Growth ( Watch your growth to see if you need to make changes or schedule that vacation!)

Hannibal Fashion Meta Pt. 4

Now with sexy annotations.

In this installment we’re back to our favorite party vampire, my sweet Hannibal, who is a whole ass meal and always ready to please a crowd. So we’re going to be talking about his Event Looks.

Ya know, these are becoming less like metas and more like me sitting with you on your couch and pausing and pointing at the screen while I dump all this on you. But what matters most is my own happiness so here we are.

Let’s start in order with one of my favorite episodes, 1x07 Sorbet. Where we see Hannibal is a gorgeous double breasted midnight blue Brunello Cucinelli tux. It’s not bespoke, but honey if this is cashmere than this is probably $9000. If it’s wool than it’s closer to $5000 (which is what I estimate he pays for a lot of his bespoke suits).

Hannibal really isn’t the type of person to wear black, I’m pretty sure we never see him in a solid black suit. Black suits are very very formal and unless you’re at a black tie event or a funeral, a black suit is usually overkill. We know he likes to stand out. Blue is a very socially acceptable way to have some flair at a black tie event. It’s very main character of him. He’s also wearing french square cuffs on the shirt (the reason they look almost tear drop shaped around his wrists) which is why he’s wearing cuff links (you need french cuffs for cufflinks).

Hannibal doesn’t seem to wear cuff links very often. Only with tuxedos. On this evening, he pairs this with a $200 a blue silk Burberry bow tie.

Hugh Dancy used to model for Burberry and I lost an hour of work on this due to that little morsel of information.

The next even we see Hannibal at is his own dinner party later that episode. This shit is lux, baby.

This blazer is a dark dark green velvet Canali dinner jacket that I’m estimating to be around two to three thousand dollars. And hey listen. I tried so hard to edit these pics so you could see the green, but it’s the type of material in color where you’d really only see it in person. Canali is a luxury Italian brand that has a shop in Washington DC,which is probably the one Hannibal would go to in canon. There’s also a shop in Milano, Italy so Hannibal could’ve been a fan of this brand for a long time. Under the jacket we have a $600 Gucci button up. A paisley tie, not surprising with it being a staple to Hannibal’s taste, and a three-peak folded pocket square to finish off the look. King of pocket square folds. I love you.

With only one party happening in season two, Futamono is next. Now, I personally love this look but anytime people step up their formal wear with color, I go nuts.

This is a maroon velvet dinner jacket with silk lining and trim. The make is Etro, a very high end Italian fashion house that specializes in bold prints. It’s a gorgeous $1500 jacket, but I want to talk about the cravat. Cravats felt out of a fashion a long time ago (they were originally a military thing way back before aristocracy got a hold of it) and most people could NOT pull them off today. BUT that is only because people don’t modernize the look. People wear them too high on the neck and makes your whole outfit look outdated. But keeping it low to the open collar or using it to frame an open collar makes it look a million times better. This is just another example of Hannibal being a person who wears what looks good on him and not wearing things that follow certain rules. He can pull anything off it he puts his mind to it. If we wore crocs to the opera, everyone would be trying to do it the next day. He’s a trend setter and an icon.

Jumping to season 3, we have another black tie event. Everyone in the background wearing black and our man comes through with a gorgeous burgundy two-peice tuxedo. This is a unique bespoke peice by toronto based Italian master tailor, Nino Cioppa. Nino is the primary tailor for season 3 and he did a fabulous job, the talent JUMPED out. Molto bello.

The silk on the lapels are patterned and the same fabric is used to do an accent strip on the sides of the legs. Silk lapels are one trusty way you can tell between a suit and a tuxedo. Lovely lovely lovely. Not a plain tie either. It’s maroon silk with an embroidered square pattern. He’s also wearing french cuffs with mother of pearl Burberry cufflinks.

Another amazing suit in Antipasto is this baby, a beautiful chalkstripe emerald green three-piece suit. By FAR, one of my favorite outfits that he wears. Like the tux above, this is another bespoke original from Mr. Nino Cioppa.

The silk blue bowtie brings yet another pop of color. He does color matching and pattern matching very often and does it well. There’s a general rule of two that people follow where they will only wear two patterns at most having one be understated (the chalkstripe and stripes on the shirt in this case) and one being more attention drawing (the bowtie). Hannibal ignores this rule a lot and still looks amazing but this is a good example of the rule in action.

The biggest thing I want people to get out of these is that regular fancy people don’t dress like this. Hannibal Lecter is another plane of fashion. He’s avant-garde and ahead of his time. He is always wearing something fresh and showstopping. This person had to be THE TALK of the baltimore upper class. “What’s Dr. Lecter wearing?” “Who is your tailor?” “Oh my goodness, he’s stunning.” Nobody else is doing it like him and doing it so well. He dresses for the Met Gala everytime he pulls up to ANY function. Why should he be concerned out rules? Why should he be self-conscious or worried what other people think? Take his self confidence and apply it to your style. Wear that peice of clothing you bought but shoved back in your closet because you can’t bring yourself to wear it out. Hannibal will never hold back when he’s serving looks and neither should you.

In conclusion:

Spencer and Maggie

A/N: This was originally supposed to be written as a celebration for 500 followers, but I suck at timelines, so let’s pretend I planned it for 600. This is a little side story of the first fic I wrote that ever got me followers: Matchmaker! This takes place 10 years after the first 3 parts I wrote.

Matchmaker Letters Trick or Treat

————

“Whatcha thinking about?” Spencer asked.

You were looking at your husband of 6 years and smiling.

“Nothing.” You said.

You were thinking about how lovely it had been since you met Spencer. That fateful day when he was late to pick up his daughter (who was also yours now) was one of the best days of your life.

You smiled and snuggled in closer to Spencer’s side. You two were sitting on the couch, watching a nature documentary that Spencer had picked out. It was getting late though, and soon you would probably head off to bed.

From somewhere above you, you heard a thump.

“Shouldn’t Maggie be asleep by now? She has school tomorrow.” You said.

“Maybe she just knocked something over.” Spencer said. But he stood up anyway, going over to the stairs. Even if Maggie had just knocked something over, years of working in the FBI had made Spencer extra cautious.

You followed behind Spencer, watching as he gently knocked on Maggie’s door before pushing it open.

You could see him stiffen, and then turn on the light. He relaxed, ever so slightly, and then cleared his throat.

“Margaret Morgan Reid where do you think you’re going?” Spencer asked.

You moved so you were behind him, and you could see Maggie with one foot out of her bedroom window. She had clearly been reaching for the tree that was right next to her window, presumably so she could sneak out.

“Um...” Maggie said.

“Other foot, back in the house. Now.” Spencer said.

Maggie slid her other foot back in the house, and sheepishly folded her hands in front of her.

Now that you could clearly see the room, you saw that the thump had come from Maggie shoving her desk over and a few books falling off of it.

“Mind telling me what you’re doing?” Spencer asked, folding his arms over his chest.

Maggie looked up from the spot she was looking at on the floor, and it really hit you how similar she looked to her father.

Now 16, Maggie had clearly taken after Spencer, with his eyes and dark, unruly hair. She was also tall and was very smart for her age.

“I was just checking out this noise I heard outside.” Maggie said, biting the inside of her cheek. That was the thing about Maggie, she was a horrible liar and you could always tell when she was lying.

Spencer tiltited his head, showing that he didn’t believe her.

“Fine.” Maggie said, sighing. “I was going out because there’s this party that this guy is hosting, and I knew that you would never let me go.”

“Because you have school tomorrow.” You said.

Maggie rolled her eyes. “You guys never let me do anything though!” She said.

“That’s not true-“

You were cut off my Maggie groaning.

“Yes it is! Last week when I told you about Lilith’s party you wouldn’t let me go. I asked to sleep over at April’s house you said it was too far away. When I asked about Max’s birthday dinner you said you didn’t like him and wouldn’t let me go!” Maggie said.

To be fair, you had only said no to two of those things. Spencer was very protective of Maggie, and while you were fine letting her go to a dinner with Max, Spencer said no.

“I just want you to be safe.” Spencer said.

“I know, I know, you see all these horrible things and you don’t want me to end up on that screen, but I’m 16 not 5 and no one’s going to be friends with me if I can never do anything!” Maggie said.

You glanced at the clock on Maggie’s wall and cut Spencer off before he could say anything else.

“It’s late and we all have places to be in the morning, can we please talk about this tomorrow?” You said.

Both of them agreed, but before you could leave Maggie in her room, Spencer walked over to her window and closed it, and placed a few heavy books along the windowsill.

“Really, Dad?” Maggie asked.

“Yes. Now go to bed.” He said.

You and Spencer left Maggie’s room and went fown the hall to your bedroom.

-

The next morning, you were standing at the kitchen island, eating some cereal when Maggie came down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“Where’s Dad?” She asked.

“He got called out on a case early this morning.” You said.

Maggie frowned and sat down at the island, and you pushed her favorite cereal twoards her.

“About last night...” Maggie started.

“Don’t worry about it. I get it, you know it was a million years ago but I was once a teenage girl. I’ll talk to Spencer about letting you do more things.” You said.

Maggie sighed but smiled a little.

“C’mon eat. I have to drop you off before I go wrangle a bunch of 6 year olds.” You said.

-

You were finishing grading some spelling quizzes after school when your phone rang.

“Mrs. Reid?” A voice on the other line asked.

You sat up straighter. Any time Spencer went out you were afraid of a call like this. But it didn’t sound like any of his coworkers, and you know Penelope would’ve called you right away.

“Yes.” You said nervously.

“I’m calling in regards to your daughter, Margaret.” The voice said.

You let out your breath a little. “What about her?” You asked. Normally, she would’ve ridden the bus home and been there when you got home.

“This afternoon she received a detention for swearing at a teacher and fellow student. You are on her contact sheet and you need to come pick her up.” The voice said.

“Yeah, I’ll be there in like ten minutes.” You said. You grabbed your things, utterly confused at the situation. Maggie was a sweet girl and her swearing at a teacher and classmate was way out of line for her.

When you got to the high school, you went inside and waited for Maggie. When she saw you were waiting for her, she seemed to darken even more.

“Maggie.” You said.

She ignored you and didn’t say anything til you were pulling into the driveway.

“Does Dad know I got a detention?” Maggie asked.

“I haven’t had a chance to call him.” You said. Maggie seemed even more upset by this and as soon as you got inside, she went up to her room and closed the door.

Something was definitely going on.

You figured you had to call Spencer.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” Spencer answered the call on the second ring.

“Nothing. Well...it’s about Maggie.” You said.

“Is she ok?” Spencer asked.

“She got a detention today.” You said.

“What? What did she do?”

“There may have been some...choice words at a teacher and classmate.”

“What did she say.”

“Something along the lines of ‘You’re a fucking bitch’ to the teacher and ‘You goddamn asshole’ to the classmate.”

Spencer sighed over the line. “Did Maggie day why she said those things?”

“No. She’s barley said 2 words to me. Something’s definitely wrong.”

“I might be home tonight, if all goes well. Please figure out what’s wrong.”

“I will. Love you.”

“Love you too, Y/N.” Spencer said.

After your goodbyes you made your way up to Maggie’s room and gently knocked on the door before entering.

She was curled up on her bed, holding Lily, her favorite stuffed bunny from childhood she never went anywhere without.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” You asked, sitting at the end of her bed and gently rubbing her leg.

“I want to talk to Dad about it, but he’s never here.” Maggie quietly mumbled.

“You know that’s just how his job works. But you can always call him.” You said.

Maggie rolled over so she was facing you.

“It’s not the same.”

“You know you can talk to me, right?” You asked.

Maggie sighed and sat up. “I like talking with you, I really do, but I want to talk to Dad. Last week when he was on that case in Vermont I called him and he hung up on me mid story because something I said reminded him about some old book that could be a clue or something.”

You sighed, and wrapped your arms around Maggie.

“I just want to talk to him and have him listen without being interrupted.” She said.

“He said he might be home tonight. Whenever he gets home, we can talk about him taking some time off if that’s what you want.” You said.

Maggie nodded and you sat there, rubbing her back for a few minutes.

-

It was nearly 2 am when the front door quietly unlocked. Spencer clearly hadn’t seen the light on in the living room, and was a little startled when you called out to him.

“Y/N? What are you still doing up?” He asked, moving to sit beside you on the couch.

“I wanted to talk to you.” You said. “Do you know why Maggie got a detention today?”

“Yeah, you told me. She swore at a teacher.” Spencer said.

“Well, yes...but I think she got a detention so you would talk to her.”

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows. “What? Why?”

“I talked to her earlier. She said that last week you hung up on her mid story because you thought of a clue. And that she just wants to talk to you.” You said.

Spencer sat there, doing nothing but staring into space.

You poked his back with your fingers and shoved him towards the stairs. “Go talk to your daughter, Spencer.” You said.

“Why would she still be awake at 2 am?” He asked, narrowing his eyes at you.

You looked down and blushed. “We may or may not have finished a movie marathon a couple minutes ago...”

Spencer sighed, but you knew he was smiling. He headed twoards the stairs and you heard him knock on Maggie’s door.

-

The next afternoon, you were humming to yourself as you made lunch. When you had woken up, Spencer and Maggie weren’t there, but there was a note that said they would be back soon.

You heard the garage door open and a few minutes later, Maggie bounded into the kitchen, holding a bag from her favorite store and smiling brightly.

“Good day?” You asked.

Maggie came up to you and hugged you tightly. “Whatever you said to Dad, thank you.” She said.

You smiled and she ran up the stairs.

A few moments later, Spencer came into the room, holding two massive bags, all filled with books.

You smiled and grabbed one of the bags. “I see you took my advice.” You said.

“I did. Have I ever told you how smart you are?” Spencer asked.

“The Doctor Spencer Reid calling me smart? It must be a miracle.” You said.

Spencer put down his bag of books and wrapped his arms around you. “You are a miracle.” He said, leaning down to kiss you.

“You two are so gross.” Maggie said from down the hall.

Tags!(Open)

@rexorangecouny @magnificentmgg @rachelxwayne @andreasworldisboring101 @itsmyblogandiwillblogifiwantto

Text of tweet thread by Anthony DellaRosa @ifeelthewind, Jan 4th 2020 [cw: Contrapoints, transphobia, biphobia, doxxing, abuse, harassment, K*w*f*rms, etc. etc. etc. etc.]

Well, it's been a solid two days of waking fucking nightmares, and also the regular kind.

So, let's talk about it. Contra's got me actively fearing for myself, and also for my family (and here's how). Alternate title:

Contra told a *million* people that I "might be" a Nazi who's "just pretending to be trans."

Now, keep in mind, Contra's a relatively wealthy woman with just over 800,000 YouTube subscribers and almost 11,000 paying patrons. Meanwhile, I have 662 Twitter followers and holes in my mouth where teeth used to be.

Anyway, in her video, at 33:35, she quotes a series of three consecutive tweets of mine, starting here.

So, um, I've actually had her blocked for a long, long time. Definitely at least a year. Maybe two.

So, the fact that she was able to see these tweets at all, to begin with, means that she was namesearching *around* my block, specifically trawling for content. Which is a hell of a thing.

Like, I blocked her because over the course of a couple years, her work became just incredibly fucking triggering for me. But she's so fucking omnipresent in pretty much *every* online trans space, it's basically impossible to fully escape her stuff. So, the block was there to give me at least *some* protection against being blindsided? For a while, I also actually muted her name.

But here we are.

Also, I feel like, after a certain point, she must have been watching *me*, very specifically, because, later in the video, she also quotes *this* tweet, which got literally *five* fucking retweets in its *entire* fucking lifetime, and also contains no big, hot, easily searchable keywords. 

I mean, unless she was fucking sitting here, combing through literally *every single fucking mention* of "Olly" or "Philosophytube" or "trans people." Put a pin in that. Anyway, Contra reads my tweets about Buck Angel's famously petty, spiteful act of transphobic violence against Lana Wachowski, which, yes, could have *easily* gotten her killed, and argues that we shouldn't care. In fact, not only should we not care -- we shouldn't even check to see if it's true.

Because that "reminds" her of what "creepy stalkers who hate trans people do." You know, digging through the archives, looking for dirt. But let me remind you, Buck's comments exist in the media because he *sold them to the media*. He deliberately went on a fucking tear through the entire fucking tabloid circuit, eventually reaching as high as Rolling fucking Stone. He "exposed" Lana, very, very publicly, specifically to punish her. *Doing* that is apparently fine, whatever. Be a guest on my fucking YouTube show. Let me gush and gush and *gush* about your fucking "decades" of "good trans activism" (with absolutely no specifics). But *talking* about the actual, historical fact that he *did* do that, a simple acknowledgement of the fucking harm, is abusive and stalker-ish? I'm sorry, *how* did you get to my tweets again? So, immediately after featuring and responding to three of my tweets, she asks the audience,

"How can you tell the difference between a trans anarcho socialist with an anime avatar, and a Nazi *pretending* to be a trans anarcho socialist with an anime avatar?" "Well," she says, "you can't. Anonymous is anonymous is anonymous, whether it's on 4chan or Twitter."

And I'm honestly not sure she's still talking about me at this point? Because literally none of those things apply to me?

1) I don't specifically identify as an anarcho socialist. I don't specifically identify as *any* particular political micro label. I just don't really find it useful.

2) This account has *never* been anonymous. It has *always* had my name on it.

3) This is not an anime avatar. This is something I drew in, like, 2015, when I was playing around with a bunch of different brushes in FireAlpaca.

4) Although I don't use them as my avatar, I *have* posted selfies here.

5) If I *did* use them as my avatar, well, you didn't fucking censor anyone's avatars in this video. Not even the ones that actually *are* real people's actual photos. So, if my face *was* my avatar, you would have just shown my face to a *million* people and counting, *immediately* before saying I might be a Nazi *and* a fake trans person.

You want to talk about abusive, TERF-y tactics? How about that?

How about stalking the tweets of an autistic trans person with 600 followers, screencapping them out of context, broadcasting them to a literal fucking *million* a *million* of your own fucking fans, and telling them all that the autistic trans person is the "real" Nazi and also maybe not even really trans? How about fucking that? Like, I'm not sure if you *are* talking about me, because, factually, all of this is fucking bullshit. But it certainly *sounds* like you're talking about me.

'Cause you haven't changed gears at all. I'm still the last person you quoted, you're still in the same "bit," and you're still responding to the thing I brought up. Like, really, this has two potential outcomes.

a) People take what you're saying at absolute face value and cheer you on as you take down the faceless fake trans person you've turned me into, or

b) They Google the tweets you so, *so* helpfully provided the *full* fucking text for, find my actual Twitter page, and then, whoops, all of a sudden, I have Contra stans on my Twitter page.

Like, let me lay this out. Those tweets in the video have all been up for two months already. They've been up. They've been out there. They've been seen. They're old news, more or less. And, yes, when they were new, I got hate. Yes, I got abuse. Yes, I even got other big YouTubers, reactionary dipshits like Peter Coffin and shoe0nhead, "liking" posts that talked shit about me. (That's why I went ahead and blocked as many of Peter's followers as it would let me).

But nothing like this.

I've been in protected mode for two days straight.

Nothing's ever done that before.

Nothing's ever been that bad.

Not till this.

Not till you.

Did being featured in Contra's video result in a noticeable uptick in abuse and harassment directed my way?

Unmistakably, yes.

And I was soon as I went protected on Twitter, it started flowing over into my Tumblr. And that put me in the position of wondering where it was going to stop. Were they going to get my phone number? My address? My work?

Fun thoughts.

Fun, fun things I have to live with now. She closes out this segment by telling me, or this hypothetical thing she's created adjacent to me,

"Shut up and go back to K*w*f*rms, where you belong."

So.

Let me tell you.

I've never checked, because I know I wouldn't be able to handle if it I did, but I wouldn't be surprised if K*w*f*rms actually *had* a page about me.

I don't *know*. I don't *want* to know. But I wouldn't be super fucking surprised. [cw: suicide]

I'm autistic. I'm trans. I've always been *very* online, growing up, and for pretty much my entire fucking life (at least for the chunk of it that I can actually remember), I've had groups of people trying to goad me into suicide. I've seen whole fucking group chats where they fucking plan it.

So, yeah. I wouldn't be surprised. If I didn't have one before, I probably fucking do now. Oh, and then she notes,

"I'm saying this in the c*ntiest way. And they deserve it! They deserve the c*ntiness!" Gosh, I wonder why my DMs across two sites are full of abuse right now. Anyway, I can feel myself fading fast.

I might come back and talk about that Olly thing we put a pin in later.

Or I might just go on protected again.

We'll see how this shakes out. 

The fucking disgusting hypocrisy of Natalie Wynn of all people saying “Shut up and go back to K*w*f*rms, where you belong” when she by her own admission was raised on 4chan’s /lgbt/

As the linked facebook post summarizes:

“You want to talk about cancel culture and online mobs and disposability?Then let's talk about how ContraPoints just sicced days of harassment and stalking on a low profile trans person with no power, no money, no fame, and said something that will only certainly result in them getting a dedicated KiwiF page. She's going to get someone fucking killed (if she hasn't already)”

Fic Recs: Thunderbirds

A while ago I did a Scott!whump Fic Rec.  This time there’s no theme.  Just Thunderbirds!  Characters and genres vary wildly.

Got put in the mood to do this the other week, and after trawling through all my AO3 bookmarks/FFN favourites, and then the archives themselves because I’m terrible and forget to save fics, here are a bunch of my personal favourites.  As always, only complete fics feature (there are many fantastic ongoing ones, but I’m lazy and don’t like having to update fic statuses).

This list is also long.  100+ fics long.  So it’s under a cut to save everyone’s sanity.  There’s also a spreadsheet version of it that I’ll make available if you wanna search by character/genre/universe etc.

Ratings are all using AO3′s Gen/Teen/Mature, so for FFN “K+” fics, I shoved them in either Gen or Teen, depending on my personal opinion.  Likewise, genres are done using FFN’s method for conciseness, so AO3 ones I just kinda guessed.  Only the major characters are listed.

I’ve tagged (attempted to tag, tumblr please behave) authors where I know their tumblr.  If there’s any I haven’t tagged that anyone knows, let me know!

And one last thing before the recs: If there’s anything in particular you want recs for, whether it be a character, a theme, a trope, a fandom, etc. just let me know and I’ll see about putting one together!

Δv/Δt by @tb5-heavenward [Gen; Family; John, Scott; 4k] Deceleration is a function of velocity over time.

A Break In Routine by @loopstagirl [Teen; Family/Hurt/Comfort; Scott, Virgil; 15k] They put themselves in danger time and time again. That doesn't mean they can always walk away from it again though.

A Father by rosefields [Gen; Family/Hurt/Comfort; Scott, Jeff; 3k] Scott Tracy has been under a lot of pressure since his mother died. But he can cope, it’s not a problem. Jeff know that, his oldest is strong and capable and he doesn’t need his father. Right?

A Guide to Valentine's Day (and how to exploit it) by Silverstar [Gen; Friendship; John, Penelope; 1k] In which John and Penelope pretend to go on a date to make the most of the discounts offered on meals for couples, because Valentine’s Day is about all kinds of love, including the platonic kind. A Seed Once Sown by @darkestwolfx [Gen; Friendship/Humour; Ned, Tracy Family; 4k] Believe it or not, they did have a garden on Tracy Island. It looked a little like a… tip. And that was being kind. A Son By Any Other Name by @space-baegel [Teen; Family/Angst; Scott, Tracy Family, Penelope; 83k] [AU] Cursed as a child, Scott Tracy lives a life in which everyone he encounters must follow all of his given commands. A Summary of Events by PanicPixieDreamGirl [Teen; Family; Tracy Family, Kayo; 3k] This is best described as ‘a look at how IR might function in the real world’ except obviously it’s not quite the real world because it’s several decades in the future and also after a war. A Typical Morning by @louthestarspeaker [Gen; Family/Humour; Tracy Brothers; 6k] The Terrible Two are scheming, Virgil just wants to be sleeping, and the brothers are faced with a bit of a situation. A typical morning in the Tracy household.

Access Denied // The Subject of Virgil by @gumnut-logic [Mature; Angst/Hurt/Comfort; Virgil, Scott; 5k // 8k] He found a way. All Alone by @loopstagirl [Gen; Family/Hurt/Comfort; Scott, Grandma; 5k] Scott reaches breaking point for looking after his brothers so Grandma Tracy takes charge of the situation, and her son. Babies and Brothers by @loopstagirl [Gen; Family; Scott, Jeff; 3k] He may grow into the world's most protective big brother, but even Scott needed time to get used to the idea of younger siblings. Back Story by @thunderbirdcarebear [Gen; Family/Hurt/Comfort; Scott; 6k] That rock slide while rescuing Kat Kavanaugh has left Scott with more than just a few bruises. Bedtime by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Family; Scott; 1k] “They’re my family.” Bring Our Starman Home by @lenle-g [Teen; Hurt/Comfort/Family; John, Scott; 28k] When a meteor hits Thunderbird 5 while shields are down, the Tracy family think John is dead for sure. Scott has prepared himself to fly up in TB3 with Alan to retrieve a body, for John couldn't possibly still be alive after that... could he? Bruised by @gumnut-logic [Gen; Hurt/Comfort; Scott, Virgil; 2k] Sometimes the prescription is simple, if unexpected. Buckle by Teobi [Gen; Family; Scott, Grandma; 1k] She finds him sitting at his father's desk, when everyone else has gone to bed. Candy Strippers by Chobrowny [Gen; Family/Hurt/Comfort; Scott, Virgil, Gordon; 1k] The boys are unintentional candy stripers, visiting a childrens hospital in IR gear. Career Day by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Family; Outside PoV, Alan; 7k] It is Career Day at school for eleven year old Alan Tracy. He has just lost his father. Who will he invite? Communications by nhsweetcherry [Gen; Adventure/Humour; Tracy Brothers; 4k] Random, short snippets of conversations between the guys. Some funny, some more serious. Coping Mechanism by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Hurt/Comfort/Angst; Virgil, Gordon, Scott; 7k] “I get you guys are busy and I’m spoilt that you all visit when you can, but honestly, this isn’t about me. This is out of character for Virg.” A pause. “And I miss him, okay?” Dare To Hope by i_amnerd [Gen; Family/Hurt/Comfort; Scott, John; 1k] Not for the first time, Scott wishes that little brothers came with some kind of training manual or instruction booklet. Denied by @thunderstorm-bay [Teen; Family; Gordon; 4k] Gordon is frustrated after "Deep Search" and "City Under The Sea". Different by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Family; John, Kayo; 2k] John Tracy is different. Dinosaur Dilemma by @godsliltippy [Teen; Action/Adventure; Gordon, Alan; 14k] Never in a million years would International Rescue have thought they would be rescuing victims from dinosaurs. Alan's excited, Virgil is... well, Virgil, John's out of his element, and Gordon is terrified. Edge of the World // Here Be Dragons by Corbyinoz2 [Teen; Hurt/Comfort/Adventure; Gordon, Virgil, Scott; 47k // 114k] When returning from a rescue mission, Thunderbird Two is attacked by an unknown force. As Virgil and Gordon plummet towards the ocean, their chances of survival will depend, as it always does, on each other. Every time it snows by allandmore [Teen; Hurt/Comfort; Scott, Gordon; 5k] A simple mountain rescue goes wrong for International Rescue. Gordon battles the elements and his memories, and Scott has a tough decision to make. Exhaustion by @sugar-fiend [Teen; Suspense/Angst; Alan, John, Scott; 9k] A rescue mission in space is interrupted with deadly consequences… Expected & Unexpected by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Family; Gordon, Virgil, Scott; 1k] He had brothers. It was inevitable, but sometimes unexpected. Facts of Life by Kaeera [Teen; Drama; Scott; 5k] There are some situations – lying on a floor in a pool of your own blood, for example – that really put things into perspective. Famous Last Words by @loopstagirl [Gen; Family; Scott; 2k] All Scott wanted was for everyone to be quiet so nothing else could go wrong. That was apparently too much to ask. Fires of Adversity by NKala99 [Teen; Family/Hurt/Comfort; Alan; 39k] Not everyone is supportive of Alan’s new and improved attitude towards school. First Times by @loopstagirl [Gen; Family/Humour; Scott; 3k] In which Scott forgets the speed of Thunderbird One, Virgil and John come up with a new form of torture and Gordon is after revenge. Just a normal day in the Tracy household then. Five Times Alan Flew Another Thunderbird by Silverstar [Teen; Hurt/Comfort/Family; Alan; 61k] ...and the one time he didn't. Five Times The Floor Was Not Lava by Silverstar [Gen; Humour/Family; Tracy Brothers; 5k] ...and the one time it was. Flat Packed by @hedwigstalons [Gen; Humour; Scott; 600] A simple mission leaves Scott minus two brothers and plus one headache Game On by @loopstagirl [Gen; Family; Scott, Virgil; 12k] As their future Field Commander, it was up to Scott to make sure his brothers were ready for duty - physically as well as mentally. Grudgingly Human by Yarnaholic [Mature; Angst; Scott; 4k] Scott faces some old demons while trying to talk down a man standing on a building ledge after a rescue. He Is, They Are by ThatGirlSix [Teen; Family; Tracy Brothers; 90k] Fixing what was wrong with their family was going to take longer than the span of a Disney movie, but they'd get there eventually. They lived on an island. It wasn't like there was anywhere else to go. He's WHERE? by @loopstagirl [Gen; Family; Virgil, Scott; 1k] Virgil's reaction to finding out that the Hood is in Thunderbird Two... His Part by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Family, Angst; Scott, Virgil, Tracy Brothers; 4k] It started off as a mild annoyance. Holiday From Hell by @loopstagirl [Teen; Family, Hurt/Comfort; Scott, Virgil, Jeff; 158k] It was supposed to be the break they all needed to put the last year behind them and take a step forward. But things never do work out that easily for the Tracys. Homecoming by @loopstagirl [Gen; Family; Scott, John; 2k] There are times when only a big brother can help. When something seems to be on John's mind, Scott steps up to the challenge. I Dream of Genie by @godsliltippy [Teen; Action/Friendship; Penelope, Gordon; 50k] Penelope stumbles across a treasure that could bring more frustration than she bargained for. Illusion of a Saint by AlternateReality1 [Teen; Spiritual/Suspense; Scott, Hood; 92k] There’s an enemy admist their ranks. He’s hidden in plain sight. The question is… when will the illusion be shattered? In Enemy Hands by Claudette [Gen; Adventure, Drama; Scott, John; 62k] When the secrets of International Rescue are offered for sale to the highest bidder the Tracy family must act quickly. However, their secrets are not the only thing that is at stake. In The Trunk by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Family/Hurt/Comfort; Scott, Virgil; 1k] “Why don’t you ever listen to me?!” It Wasn't Me! by @janetm74fics [Gen; Family; Gordon, Scott; 3k] It's not like it isn't the first time Gordon had accidentally hurt one of his brothers, but this time? When his dad doesn't believe him Gordon decides to find the one person who will make everything better. John Tracy hated taking public transport by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Friendship; John; 2k] Every trip he buried himself in his own world whether it be his work, research, a good book or even a movie. He shut the world out and more importantly anyone who sat next to him.  Sometimes this was not possible.  Because sometimes they spoke to him. Just Another Rescue by teddy0bear [Gen; Family/Adventure; Scott, Virgil; 16k] A rescue turns into a hostage situation Just Let It Go by @angelofbenignmalevolence [Gen; Family; Scott, Gordon; 1k] Scott was just trying to get a little work done. Alan and Gordon were working on Alan's schoolwork. What could possibly go wrong? La tarte aux pommes d'or by Yarol2075 [Gen; Friendship; Scott, Mechanic; 400] Scott needs to thank the Mechanic - it really shouldn't be so hard. Labyrinth by TB's LMC [Mature; Horror/Supernatural; Scott; 12k] One minute Scott Tracy’s at Mobile Control directing a rescue. The next, he’s in a fight for his life. Line 'Em Up Bartender by @madilayn [Teen; Friendship; Scott, John, Colonel Casey; 800] Scott, John and Colonel Casey find a way to cope with one of Jeff's speeches at a Charity Function. Living Like Kings by CLynnB [Gen; Family; Tracy Family; 35k] The world wants to know more about the Tracy brothers. So Lady Penelope takes it upon herself to show the world just who they are. Through YouTube. Making Changes by @madilayn [Teen; Family/Hurt/Comfort; Tracy Brothers; 17k] Jeff Tracy has gone missing and International Rescue has to make some changes to cope with this. Merman by @janetm74fics [Gen; Family; Gordon; 700] He'd always wanted to be a merman. Ever since he was old enough to swim and read, his life had been filled with the sea and the things in the sea. A twist of fate may just give him that wish. Missing Scene: The Uninvited by Juud18 [Gen; Family; Scott; 2k] In between Scott being found by Lindsey and Wilson, and the scene where Scott, TinTin, Virgil, Brains, and Wilson and Lindsey are sitting at the campfire. Mission Impossible by @loopstagirl [Teen; Family/Adventure; Scott, Gordon; 55k] Being selected for his first solo mission should have been exciting for Captain Scott Tracy of the Air Force. But there was something else at play. Something dangerous and deadly. Something that could cost him more than his life. Monsters in the Dark by @loopstagirl [Gen; Family; Scott, Virgil; 3k] Scott was used to checking for monsters to keep his little brothers happy. He just wasn't so used to actually dealing with said monsters. More Than I Bargained For by puppetonalonelystring [Teen; Action/Hurt/Comfort; Scott; 13k] Scott attends a Yale reunion party thinking that it cannot turn out any worse than the last one. Unfortunately, things are never simple for the Tracy brothers - when things turn complicated for Scott he has to depend on his brothers to help sort the situation out, or the secrets of International Rescue will be exposed Never Too Late // Never Too Lost // Never Too Long by @loopstagirl [Teen; Hurt/Comfort/Family; Scott, Jeff; 58k // 75k // 138k] As the family deal with grief, Scott must face his fears and grow up, whilst Jeff battles between being dad and being a successful businessman. But what will it take to bring the two of them back together again? On Their Side by @gumnut-logic [Gen; Family/Humour; Colonel Casey, Gordon, Virgil; 1k] She trusted these boys with a great deal. Once In A Blue Moon by WhatHaveWeDone [Teen; Hurt/Comfort; Virgil, John; 3k] It was an aligning of the planets when John and Virgil got to work together. Out of Your Mind // All in Your Mind by @loopstagirl [Teen; Family/Hurt/Comfort; Gordon, Tracy Family, Hood; 75k // 149k] They can defy the odds and snatch people from the jaws of death on a daily basis. But sometimes, not all dangers come in a physical form. Over and Out by @thunderbirdcarebear [Gen; Hurt/Comfort/Family; Scott; 5k] An incident at an earthquake rescue leaves Scott frustrated when he’s injured. Parameters by @drdone [Teen; Family; Scott, John; 1k] “Just pretend to be my date” with John and Scott - in a non-shippy way. Picnic by ThatGirlSix [Teen; Family; Gordon, Virgil; 13k] Every Tracy has a type of job they hate, be them car crashes, hotel fires, mine collapses, whatever. Gordon absolutely hates tornadoes with a passion. No, really, he hates tornadoes. His life would be so much better if they never did another tornado job ever again. The rest of the family is starting to think so, too. Plus One Tracy by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Humour; Tracy Brothers, Kayo; 2k] So which Tracy is right for you? Pranks and Tempers by shadowfox8 [Teen; Angst/Family; Alan, Scott, Gordon; 8k] It was only supposed to be an innocent prank, but Gordon didn't bargain for more. Questions Like A Whirlwind by @darkestwolfx [Teen; Family/Hurt/Comfort; Scott, John; 6k] He couldn't put it into words. He wasn't sure they'd understand if he did. He felt like a child, he felt like a murder, he felt… like he'd lost something and had no clue how to put it back in place by himself. Rescue by taralynden [Gen; Hurt/Comfort/Drama; Scott; 26k] On the way home from a rescue, Thunderbird One crashes and it’s up to Scott’s family to save him. Scott Series: Fallen Brother by QuestRunner [Teen; Family/Hurt/Comfort; Scott, Alan; 11k] In a rare chance to bond with his youngest brother, Scott takes Alan with him on a simple mission to repair a damaged satellite. With tempers running high, the boys find themselves arguing over the roles they play in International Rescue. When Alan slips off a cliff, it’s up to Scott to save his brother and mend their broken relationship. Scott Series: Hidden Pain by QuestRunner [Teen; Hurt/Comfort/Family; Scott, Virgil; 4k] Scott suffers from a mysterious pain in his abdomen, but continues to push the limits on and off the field. Scott Series: Negative Split by QuestRunner [Teen; Family/Adventure; Scott, Virgil; 6k] Scott recruits Virgil as his fellow running partner for an upcoming 10K. When a mission takes a turn for the worst, Scott must put his running skills to the test before his whole world comes crashing down around him. Second Helpings by mcj [Mature; Family/Romance; Gordon, Alan, Grandma, Tin-Tin; 10k] Gordon Tracy's point of view of a VERY precarious romantic situation! Second Round by @darkestwolfx [Gen; Family/Humour; Virgil; 4k] All he wanted was a shower. Why did shopping have to be so complicated? And why did he always end up going? Next time, Scott could be lumped with the responsibility, smaller craft or not. Shattered by @singmetothesun [Gen; Hurt/Comfort/Family; Scott, Gordon; 2k] One Tracy brother leaves his feelings bottled up, until the smother hen catches him out. Shiver // Smacked by @loopstagirl [Teen; Hurt/Comfort/Family; Scott; 44k // 4k] When one of the Thunderbirds is infecting with something deadly, will the rest of the Tracys be able to save one of their own? Or are they about to be torn apart by grief again? Sidelined by @drdone [Gen; Family; Scott, Alan; 1k] Scott's sidelined for the time being and decides to ask Alan about college. Six Point Five by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Humour/Hurt/Comfort; Virgil, Scott; 1k] “So, Mr Tracy, on a scale of one to ten how would you rate the pain you are in?" Sky Candy by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Humour/Family; Virgil, Scott, Gordon; 4k] It was a pterodactyl sized bird. Possibly an elephant with wings. Sleeping Wounded by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Family/Hurt/Comfort; Scott, Virgil, Fischler; 14k] Scott Tracy punched Langstrom Fischler. Sometimes by @loopstagirl [Gen; Family; Scott; 1k] Sometimes, Scott hates being the oldest. But are there some hidden perks... Stuck Like Glue by @drdone [Gen; Family; Scott, Virgil; 2k] Scott is stuck to Virgil like glue. Literally. Summonings by @loopstagirl [Gen; Family; Scott, Jeff; 2k] Alan isn't the only one in trouble at the beginning of Spring Break in regards to the 'birds. Swamped by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Family; Virgil, Gordon; 1k] So here he was standing in his undershorts on top of his 'bird in the middle of the ocean for all nearby female aristocrats to see. Take a minute by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Family; Virgil, Scott; 2k] A mechanical fault forces Virgil to take a minute in the middle of the Australian Outback. Terror After New York by @loopstagirl [Gen; Family; Scott, Gordon; 2k] It was all over. The rescue complete and everyone back safe and sound, finally. Yet it didn't seem as if everything had yet been put behind them entirely. The Antarctic Incident by @space-baegel, @tb5-heavenward [Teen; Adventure/Drama; Tracy Brothers; 9k] Thunderbird Two goes down in the middle of an Antarctic blizzard. The Assignment by Kaeera [Gen; Humour/Drama; Scott; 10k] Twelve year old Scott struggles with a writing assignment. Honestly, when you have four younger brothers, it can be hard finding time for yourself. The Bite by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Angst/Hurt/Comfort; Virgil, Scott; 1k] “I need my big brother, not his sacrifice.” the devil vs Gordon Tracy by @tb5-heavenward [Teen; Family; Gordon, Scott; 6k] Being a discussion about the namesakes of some lizards. The Fire by mcj [Mature; Family; Tracy Family; 22k] “Sometimes all you need is a little quiet reflection." The Hardest Thing by eriphi [Gen; Family; Scott, Jeff; 5k] How do you manage a billion dollar business and parent four growing boys at the same time? It takes something serious to make Jeff realise that he isn’t managing as well as he thought. The Most Dangerous Game by @godsliltippy [Teen; Action/Adventure; Scott, Gordon; 23k] Scott and Gordon find themselves unwilling participants. The One Where John Gets a Hug by Silverstar [Teen; Hurt/Comfort/Angst; John; 21k] Spending months by yourself has never been advisable behaviour, and John's never been good at asking people for help. Or: the Tracys learn the magical art of communication, with a load of hugs thrown in for good measure. The Proof is in the Jello by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Family/Hurt/Comfort; Gordon, Alan; 3k] “Call it what you want, but I’m not going to let you rot in that room.” The Silent Conversation by mcj [Teen; Hurt/Comfort; Scott; 5k] The sound of sirens, a flash of light and waking up under a pile of rubble. How can Scott survive knowing help just might not come? The Spider Incident by Silverstar [Teen; Humour/Family; Virgil, Tracy Brothers; 5k] It takes a certain kind of bravery to save the world... it takes a different kind of bravery to remove a spider from the shower. Or: there is a spider, and the Tracy boys are disasters. The Splinter by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Family; Virgil, Jeff; 1k] Now he had backup. The Venetian Venture by @tb5-heavenward [Teen; Romance; Gordon, Penelope; 11k] Penelope takes Gordon on a mission to Venice the waffle house blues by @akireyta, @tb5-heavenward [Teen; Family; Tracy Brothers; 5k] Wherein a bunch of boys sit around a restaurant, eating breakfast food and dozing on and off and talking about life. To Raise Havoc by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Family; Havoc, Hood; 1k] They had to come from somewhere and he was more than she ever expected. Tomorrow Never Knows by Silverstar [Teen; Hurt/Comfort/Angst; Gordon, Alan, Scott; 110k] Things had not gone according to plan, to say the least. Now they were trapped on a deserted island in the middle of nowhere with no hope of rescue and increasingly slim chances of survival. To make matters worse, the Chaos Crew had shown up. This was not going to be a fun week. Triple Jeopardy by Purupuss [Teen; Drama; Tracy Brothers; 217k] One inventor and one set of plans. But triple trouble for the Tracys and International Rescue. V.T. Green by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Family; Virgil; 23k] “Did you discover this, Brains?” He frowned. There was something familiar about this. Maybe they had discussed it recently. “Oh, no, this is V. T. Green. The man is brilliant.” We'll Be Home For Christmas by @gumnut-logic [Teen; Family/Friendship; Virgil, Tracy Brothers; 68k] The boys can’t fly home for Christmas, so they have to find another way. Weathering the Storm by tiylaya [Teen; Adventure/Angst; Scott, Gordon; 102k] When an unexpected storm shipwrecks a holidaying Jeff Tracy and three of his young sons, they’re thrown into a situation far more dangerous and complex than anyone initially realises.

the way we met

pairing: jay halstead x hailey upton

written based on prompt:

“running is supposed to be good for your health except i seem to have sprained my ankle and i took you out with me i’m so sorry”

warnings: swearing, fluffery

masterlist || ao3

au || runner hailey || innocent bystander jay

hailey doesn’t run.

she can go to the gym, no problem.

life some weights? hell yes. mess around on the machines? you know it.

but cardio?

she would genuinely rather be beaten to death with a yoga ball.

but alas, there she was, dressed in black leggings, a matching sports bra and windbreaker. her best friend kim had somehow convinced her to run a ten kilometre marathon for charity (guilted her, was more like it), so she had no choice but to force herself to get into shape and not embarrass herself on the day of the run.

today happened to be a particularly ugly day. it had rained the majority of the night, and the morning was dark, cloudy and windy. hailey’s favourite weather. so, if she was going to run, she would do it while she was in a good mood.

she was only in a good mood for about ten minutes after she started her run. it had literally only been ten minutes and she was out of breath and about to call an uber to pick her up off the side of the curb.

that is, until she found herself sprawled across the pavement and cursing in pain.

“oh — fuck!”

“mother of —”

and because hailey had the best luck of anyone she had ever met, not only did she wipe out on the pavement, she also managed to take down a completely innocent bystander.

all she could feel was searing pain coming from her right ankle. her adrenaline was still high and she couldn’t feel any of the additional scrapes on her body. she could, however, feel the hard and lean body underneath her considering she was sprawled half over it.

“what the fuck?” she heard a deep voice mumble.

hailey attempted to maneuver herself off the stranger, squeaking when she placed pressure on her ankle. “exercise, they said,” she muttered angrily, pushing her hands down on the stranger’s chest to propel herself up. the stranger grunted, but she ignored it. “it’s healthy, they said. healthy my ass.”

hailey dragged herself across the pavement, detaching herself from the body she collided with. she was finally able to get a good look. the stranger was tall (she could tell because he was lying flat on his back against the pavement), he was also incredibly muscular and hailey was amazed she was able to knock him down. she forcefully pushed up on her knees, ignoring the searing pain, and peeked at his facial features. his green eyes were opened wide, millions of freckles littered his skin adorably and his mouth was still muttering profanities.

he was easily the most beautiful man she had even seen in her life.

and she had just knocked him to the ground. she literally just opened herself up to a lawsuit. but he was so mesmerizing, she couldn’t even focus on that.

“shit — are you okay?” hailey asked in a hoarse voice. “oh my god, i think you’re bleeding. fuck.”

her statement seemed to grab his attention as he followed her eye line to his chest, where there were little splatters of blood. he wasted no time in sitting up and lifting up his (tight) t-shirt to inspect his (amazingly) sculpted abs.

if hailey wasn’t lightheaded and faint from her fall, she sure as hell was now.

she was too focused on his abs to notice there were no actual lacerations to cause the blood. he tugged his shirt back down and sent her an apprehensive look. “i don’t think this blood is mine.”

this time, hailey followed his eyes to her hands, where she flipped them over to reveal her bloody palms. she must have injured them when she hit the ground, attempting to stabilize herself over the stranger (the absolutely gorgeous stranger). and she must have gotten it all over his shirt when she used him to upright herself.

“shit, i’m so sorry,” she apologized, her shoulders sagging in defeat. she was generally a clumsy person, but she usually only injured herself; it was very rare she took someone down with her. “i was just trying to train for this marathon, but clearly i suck at running and i’m ninety-seven percent sure i’ve broken my ankle,” she rushed out all in one breath; her green-eyed stranger was staring at her with bewildered eyes. “which i guess is karma, but fuck, this shit hurts.”

her stranger frowned, casting a look behind hailey to her ankle. she was still positioned uncomfortably on her knees, and she was pleasantly surprised when he stood up, dusted himself off and offered her a hand.

“no, it’s okay,” hailey shrugged him off, dramatically gesturing to herself. “i deserve this. just let me sit here and wallow in pain.”

initially, he looked confused, but his expression morphed into amusement as he held his hand out even further. he raised an eyebrow, as if daring her to refuse again.

meekly, she took his hand and allowed him to haul her up, placing most of her weight on her left foot.

“you really want to help me?” hailey mumbled, as he pulled her along the sidewalk. she had no idea where he was leading her but she was too busy rambling to care. “i basically just assaulted you. oh god, please don’t sue me; i’m still paying off my student loans!”

he chuckled and said, “i’m not going to sue you. at least, not yet.”

“that isn’t funny,” she retorted, “i literally have nothing offer you.”

for the first time since they’d started walking (re: hobbling in hailey’s condition), they finally stopped. he had brought her over to a truck parked on the street; she wondered if it was his.

oh no, is this where she gets kidnapped by the handsome stranger? is this like a ted bundy type situation?

hailey didn’t get much more time to ponder her gorgeous stranger’s serial killer capabilities, because he turned to her with a mind-blowing smirk that had all logic vanishing from her brain.

“i’m sure we can work something out.”

hailey paused, begging her brain to begin functioning again. “i’m going to be honest. you’re giving off some serial killer vibes right now.”

his smirk dropped and he frowned. “what? i’m not a serial killer. why would you say that?”

“i don’t really know,” she blurted, “i think my brain is short-circuiting because you’re really attractive and i am in so much pain, and i don’t really know what i’m doing right now.”

“let’s start over,” he shook his head with a hint of an amused smile on his lips. “my name is jay, you ran me over a few minutes ago. remember that?”

hailey frowned, but she was secretly delighted at his ability to be sarcastic, even in the most inappropriate of times. “yes, i remember that. i have a current reminder that won’t let me forget about that,” she motioned to her bum ankle. it was swollen and purple and it just looked overall disgusting; definitely not meet cute material.

“here’s a little about me,” jay started and hailey furrowed her eyebrows; this conversation was getting away from her. and her ankle hurt so damn bad. “i happen to like aggressive women. maybe not to the point where they’re physically violent, but i think i can work with it.”

hailey stared at him, dumbfounded.

“i’m sorry, what?”

he seemed to ignore her. “i should probably get you to the hospital to check out that ankle,” he replied, opening the passenger door to his truck. “i’m assuming you’ll want to be pain-free for our date.”

hailey allowed him to grab her hand and help her into his truck. “i’m sorry, what?”

jay dropped his right eyelid in a wink. “sorry, was i not clear enough?”

“i literally just attacked you on the sidewalk. what the hell is going on?”

“do you want to tell me your name yet?” he asked as he swung around to the driver’s seat.

hailey’s jaw was still hanging open. “my name is hailey but i’m still s—”

“hailey,” he turned to her with genuine, bright green eyes. “would you like to go on a date with me?”

the blonde sputtered, attempting not to choke on her own spit. “is this seriously happening right now?”

“yes.”

“i’m not hallucinating, or i don’t have a concussion?”

“i don’t think you hit your head. unless you’re on some sort of drugs i don’t know about?”

“you seriously want to go out with the crazy girl who took you down on the street?”

jay shot her a fond smile. “it’ll be one hell of a story to tell.”

as if she wasn’t convinced from the first second she collided with him, she grinned and replied, “hell yes, i’ll go out with you."

✨

i literally powered through this one this morning as a thank you for reaching 600 followers!! 

thanks everyone, hope you enjoyed!! ✨

GameStonks Update 3/17/21

So I intended to do an update yesterday, but as I was double-checking some numbers I discovered some much more concerning things that needed further research.

I can’t give financial advice, I can’t predict the future, and I don’t understand half of what I’m reading. I believe our financial system is rigged, such that while I can take educated guesses at what might happen, I know that financial institutions and government can take unprecedented actions that shift the equation in unexpected ways.

January was a prime example. Based on the numbers, the price should have gone far higher. No one was prepared for the biggest retail trading app to shut down buying - which manipulated the stock price to push it down.

So while I can make guesses, please know that I could be wrong if any of the big players here decide to do something unexpected.

As I said in one of my recent updates, many contracts are coming due this Friday, such that hedge funds and market makers (the financial institutions that sell you stocks and buy stocks from you when you buy and sell) will owe more shares than exist. They can’t cover. It’s not possible.

Now, what they can do is kick it down the road as long as possible to try to wear retail investors out so we’ll give up and move on. Or at least, that’s what they could do.

Next week, the DTCC (the organization through which nearly all trades go) is implementing new rules that basically make the hedge funds and market makers start covering right away. That’s what should happen, anyway. I’m still trying to account for these institutions to just say “no,” or to somehow lie about their actual holdings and liabilities.

But if they follow the new rules, they have to start buying shares to cover their contracts, and the squeeze will begin. Again, this depends on them following the new rules and not pulling any other shenanigans.

If Melvin Capital has to cover their positions all at once, they will go bankrupt as the GME price skyrockets.

If MC goes bankrupt, then Citadel assumes their liabilities.

Citadel seems to be preparing for this, because they recently issued $600 million in BBB- bonds. Basically, they took out a loan from investors while simultaneously telling them there is a very low chance that loan gets paid back.

The bonds get paid back in 2026, and it’s my guess that Citadel doesn’t think they’ll be around at that point. So they got $600 million in free money to either cover their own liabilities (which are far greater than $600 million) or pay “bonuses” to their executives (far more likely).

This is VERY similar to what big banks did in 2007 when they knew the housing crash was coming and that they were about to collapse.

Basically, this allows the executives to keep the money and then claim they don’t have any capital when it comes time to cover their liabilities. They can let Citadel go bankrupt, walk away, and start a new fund/institution/whatever with the money they siphoned off.

If Citadel goes bankrupt, however, their liabilities go to the DTCC. While all this is happening, the Gamestop price will be shooting up as shares are bought to cover these liabilities. So the liabilities themselves actually grow larger, because they don’t owe money - they owe shares. At whatever price that share happens to be.

Now, the DTCC manages $63 trillion in assets for its members, which include every big bank and financial institution you’ve ever heard of. According to the DTCC’s own documents, if a member defaults and has liabilities that need to be covered, the DTCC can actually liquidate assets belonging to the non-defaulting members. This means they could go to, say, Chase Bank and say “we need x amount from your assets with us so we can cover Citadel’s liabilities,” and Chase has to give it to them.

So as the price goes higher, especially if the majority of retail investors refuse to sell, we could reach the point where the DTCC has to liquidate banks to buy shares at $5k, $10k, $50k, whatever price it goes to.

On r/wallstreetbets and r/GME, people are suggesting that shareholders can name their price. Because the number of owed shares is several times the number of shares that exist. So the DTCC would have to buy a share, give it to whoever they owe it to, and then try to buy that share back so they can give it to someone else.

Now, if enough people sell, it’s possible this goes into the thousands but then calms down. Which still leaves a lot of people making a lot of money.

But if all the people who say they’re holding actually hold...$100k might not be a meme.

Basically, this has the potential to bring down our entire financial system.

Now, when and how does the government step in? Who do they bail out? Because short of forcing people to sell their shares, which would kick off its own set of serious problems, all the government can really do is keep throwing money at the problem.

Money printer go BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

So we could end up with an entire financial collapse and/or Weimar Republic-level hyperinflation.

So what can you do?

Again, I can’t give financial advice. But I can tell you what I’m doing.

First, I’m holding my gamestop stock. There will come a point where I sell, but I don’t know what that point is yet. I’m thinking at least $5k+ , because that allows me to quit my day job and maybe, just maybe we won’t bring the whole system down. But there’s a part of me that thinks “if I sell, am I just allowing a corrupt system to continue because I’m afraid of what happens when it’s torn down?” - so I may be holding into the tens of thousands. We’ll see.

I also may trim down my holdings - wait until multiple thousands and then sell enough to cover my initial investment, then hold the rest and see where it goes. Then, if it crashes, I didn’t lose anything, and if it goes to Alpha Centauri I get to quit my job and focus on preparing for what could be a severe financial collapse.

On the prepping side, I will definitely be increasing my food and water storage. I’ve talked before about my concerns for a grid down and/or supply chain collapse this winter, and if that happens during an economic collapse...I definitely want to be as prepared as possible.

If you’re not holding GameStop stock and you don’t want to buy in now (since this is inherently risky), I do highly recommend the following:

- Store at least a month of food and water for you and your family.

- Stock up on any necessary medications

- Keep your gas tank at least half full at all times, and consider storing gas if you have the ability to do so safely.

- Inventory any emergency supplies you have and think about what things you might be missing. Now is the time to stock up!

Bonus: if you’ve been considering buying a house and/or land, especially put away from the cities, this may be the time to do it.

I could be totally wrong. I do hope I’m wrong on the part about the financial collapse. But if I’m not, I’ll be very glad I was prepared. And if I am wrong, then I’m just better prepared for whatever the next crisis is.

I don’t know if you been following what is happening here in Brazil but it’s pretty awful. our ‘president’ don’t care at all that people are dying and keeps saying this is not a big deal while our number of dead rises every day. it’s so much shit all the time that I would spend the rest of my life telling you all about it. now the new one is: people who really need the stimulus money aren’t getting anything but somehow the military is getting that money??? I’m not saying they are getting money, they are getting the R$ 600,00 that was supposed to go to people who has nothing. until now I didn’t see any money and things are pretty bad while the military who gets paid millions (only God knows why since we don’t even go to war or anything) every year is getting OUR 600 reais (and just so you know this is less than $100 so yeah that’s how our government care about the people). this month we didn’t get the food stamps either so we are in a bad bad place. we don’t have food for ourselves or the cats and Mer is sick.

for the new people around who doesn’t know already I am unable to work since last year because of several mental disorders (and now also physical ones because why not) and I’m living by the good grace of my friend, who now is in a very bad place as well since his contract won’t be renewed because of Covid-19. I’m doing what I can to help (like revising texts and publishing stuff) but I don’t get much and now I have to count on your help one more time and I am very sorry for that.

my PhD supervisor suggested that I publish my PhD thesis and if that happens it might help a bit but the publishers are not accepting anything right now because of covid-19. so I don’t have many options. the soaps I used to make and sell also can’t be done because the store where I buy materials is closed (also I can’t afford).

here is my Patreon page. if you can please please please help me out over there. I am now working on chapter 2 of the book (will publish there probably tomorrow) and also translating some essays on Tolkien, Harry Potter and Fantasy Literature (will publish there probably next week). seriously, anything you can pledge, even $1 helps because that in brazilian money is almost 7 reais so YES IT REALLY DOES HELP.

if you don’t want to commit or even read what I have to offer (which is very understandable) but feel you can help with a donation (again, ANYTHING HELPS) my email on PayPal is: [email protected]

I am truly sorry for asking for help again but I’m honestly very desperate right now. I don’t mind not having food, we can get some from Fer’s mum but I need to buy my meds (which I really need, otherwise I would let go) and my cats need food and medicine and my heart breaks seeing they need stuff and I can’t help.

thank you for reading all this and if you could reblog I would really appreciate. again, I am sorry and thank you for everything.

<h1>Teeka Tiwari Investing</h1>

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Lotr dragons

So a while back I made a post about The Dragon Curse, aka a headcanon I have about what happens if you kill a dragon. And if my followers know me, they know that I overthink a lot of small details, elaborate on them, and then write them down. And anyone who knows me personally knows that I really like dragons, so I’m surprised it took me this long to make a post about it.

In the Lotr wiki, there are basically only two types of dragons, those who breathe fire and those who don’t, and I’m going to completely ignore all of that. This is my universe, I do what I want!

Also, for more backstory about dragons, read the first part here

So here we go!

Fire dragon

When people of Middle earth speak of dragons, it is mostly fire dragons they refer to. Fire dragons are the fiercest, strongest, and the most intimidating dragon, and when it comes to dragon attacks, it is mostly the work of a fire dragon. A fire dragon is large, with often dark red scales and fiery orange eyes, and sharp teeth and claws. Despite the name Dragon, a Fire Dragon is actually a wyvern, with incredibly strong and fast wings, that can reach speeds up to 600 mph. The most distinct part about the fire dragon is of course it’s fire, that can reach up to almost ten million degrees Celsius if so desired, though most of the time the dragon chooses not to use its fire’s true heat as it can be destructive.

Water dragon

Water dragons are more common than people think, as they are mostly left alone in the deep and can therefore procreate at a normal speed. Water dragons mostly desire to be left alone, and is rarely seen up at the surface among the people of middle earth. Just like a Fire Dragon is technically a Wyvern, a water dragon is technically an Amphithere. The Water dragon can not breathe fire as most dragons are capable of, but despite common belief they can’t "breathe" water either. Their way of defending themselves relies on the venom in their teeth and spikes, which can take out even the toughest person in a heartbeat. Luckily, they are quite docile and prefer to collect items like pearls or lost weaponry than gold. Water Dragon’s come in many different colors, including Cyan, Lilac, turquoise, rose, periwinkle, lapis, and indigo. A Water Dragon is rarely just one single color, and their scales often glimmer in a combination of the colors.

Ice Dragon

Ice dragons have always been the rarest of dragons, as it has only ever been one. Moln was one of the original dragons that were created out of the greedy village, and is therefore really, really, old. Moln mostly keeps to himself in the whole of his chunk of ice, mostly collecting ice crystals and gems. He’s rather large, with glimmering white and ice blue scales, and the coldest eyes in all of middle earth. Just like the water dragon, Moln is incapable of breathing fire, and can instead freeze whatever he so desires to freeze. Moln is actually quite passive, and many people who have encountered him have come out alive, unless they would try to steal his treasure.

Forest Dragon

Forest dragons are some of the smaller dragons, only being about five feet tall and 25 feet long. Forest dragons are, just like fire dragons, a threat to the people of middle earth, but in a much lesser kind. They are a bit like raccoons to a Fire Dragons wolf. Just like their name might suggest, a Forest dragon mostly stay in a chosen forest, protecting their territory fiercely from other Forest Dragon’s. They mostly stay in the trees, jumping between branches and eating the birds and squirrels that they find, since because of their small size and dull teeth and claws they can’t exactly take on any big animals. Despite being able to breathe fire, a Forest Dragon often chooses not to as it can set their precious forest ablaze, leaving only ash behind. Except for The Ice Dragon, Forest dragons have the fewest cases of hatchlings, as they rarely interact with their own species unless it is to battle ‘em to the death for territory. A new Forest Dragon is only really created through dragon slayers, which makes them quite rare. A Forest Dragon only really comes in one color, dark green, as it makes it easier for them to blend into the woods. The Forest Dragon’s teeth and claws are quite dull and non-threatening, and their tail completely spikeless. Their true strength is their quick speed, reaching up to more than a thousand mph which makes it the fastest dragon, and their sharp eyes. Unlike other dragons who value treasure like gold and jewels, a forest dragon finds and collects pretty rocks and plants that they like, and hide them in hollow trees for safekeeping. 

Spike Dragon

The spike dragon is probably the dragon there are the most of, just simply because they are hard to find and that they live in packs, so Hatchlings are common. The Spike dragons are the smallest dragons, with only being about a half foot long and just a few inches tall. Just like the Fire Dragon, a Spike dragon is a wyvern, but a quite small one in comparison. The name Spike Dragon comes from the fact that this dragon has, and be prepared cuz this is a shocker, spikes! The whole thing is covered in ‘em, making it not the most petable thing out there. Despite being about the size of a person’s hand, the Spike dragon is quite vicious and full of rage, and just like the forest dragon very territorial. They stay in small packs, helping each other to hunt and take care of the tiny hatchlings. The Spike dragon can mostly be found in very dry areas like a desert, as their sand-colored scales can easily blend into the background which makes it easier to sneak up on prey. Despite their size, Spike Dragons are hunters, and their main diet consists of stuff like fenneks and possums, but if they’re lucky they can manage to take down a man or an elf. The Spike dragons treasure mostly consists of small golden coins found on one of the men/elves/dwarves they kill, and they protect it fiercely from the other members of their species. A Spike Dragon can breathe fire, but it’s a fairly small flame that doesn’t do much damage, so it usually uses its sharp spikes or teeth to attack.

Mountain Dragon

Aside from the dragons we do not speak of, mountain dragons are the largest dragons there is. A fully grown one can reach around about three mountains and manage to bite its own tail if it would desire to do so. This is why mountain dragons aren’t so common, as most people don’t want to kill them, so there are not many mountain dragon slayers. The mountain dragons have dark grey scales, and silvery grey eyes, that make it easy for them to blend in against the mountain rocks. The Mountain dragons mostly prefer solitude, and usually dig a hole in their mountain that they stay curled up in with their stolen treasure, napping, only coming out when needed to. Which is good, because these bad boys are very dangerous, with their enormous size and brute strength. Just like most dragons, it breathes fire, but it usually chooses not to when in battle, as it’s a sign of weakness for them, to not being able to rely on its strength alone.

Sky dragon

Sky dragons are basically the elves of the dragon types, beautiful and peaceful, but boy do they have a bloody history. The Sky dragons are fair, with pearl-like scales that shines in the sun, see-through strong wings and eyes blue as the sky, hence the name sky dragon. The Sky dragons don’t have a treasure like the other dragons, but instead only has one chosen pearl they protect fiercely. The bigger and more beautiful the pearl, the better the mate. The pearls however are not just found on the bottom of a lake or something. No, the Sky Dragons deep into the ocean, find a Water dragon, slay it, and then takes the most beautiful pearl it can find in its treasure. Most Sky dragons live on top of mountains, aka as close as the sky you can get, but not in stuff like caves like mountain dragons. No, they live out in the open, which risks them being killed in their sleep, but a Sky dragon’s scale is hard as a diamond so it’s pretty safe. A Sky dragon egg is very valuable though, because of the beauty and hardness of the shell, so they have to be careful protecting those. Sky dragons breathe fire, like many other dragons, though their fire is blue and quite elegant.

Swamp Dragons

Swamp dragons are said to be pretty closely related to Forest dragons, as they both are about the same size and almost have the same color. The Swamp dragon does not move much, unless someone would be entering their territory, where it would just go and snack on ‘em, so it’s very common for it to be covered in moss. Just like the name suggests, A swamp dragon lives in a swamp, and mostly keeps to themselves. Just walk around their swamp, and you’ll be fine. It doesn’t really care about animals either, like a squirrel can use its body to jump up in a tree, and it wouldn’t even care. Most Swamp dragons are unable to fly, as they barely use their wings and therefore don’t develop them so much. These boys are pretty lazy, and would rather just sunbath than go hunt or fly. This is also the reason most Swamp dragons don’t even have a treasure, as they don’t bother stealing it. Some do, some collect it from some random person that just stumbled into their swamp, and it keeps it in a hollow tree like the Forest Dragon, but some just don’t bother. Despite the laziness, a Swamp dragon can be pretty darn dangerous, as while it’s not the biggest, it’s very heavy and has a pretty bulky tail that can kill you with a single hit. Its Fire is not the strongest, since it mostly lays in a swamp all day, but it can kill with it if so desired.

Venom Dragon

These are the real hazards. Venom Dragons are not the largest dragons, they are not the fastest dragons, they are not the strongest dragons, but they are the second most dangerous after the dragon we do not speak of. Almost everything about this type of dragon is poisonous, from its spikes to its blood to the acid it spits. It even looks dangerous, with its large body, it’s dark purple scales and it’s glowing purple eyes. In reality, it’s just a huge puppy. Just the sweetest boy. Venom dragons are pretty much the opposite of spike dragons, as they are small and full of rage, while the Venom dragon is huge and full of love. Unfortunately, everyone is afraid of it and they are quite rare, so it doesn’t have anyone to cuddle with :(. But if you would cuddle with this thing you’d probably die, as again, everything about it is poisonous. It’s treasure mostly consists of the bones is people and animals it has accidentally killed, since it wants friends.

The Dragon we do not speak of

The name is pretty self-explanatory, we don’t talk about this one. Its species is dead, thankfully, but just the thought of it returning is pretty traumatizing. If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m of course speaking of Ancalagon’s species, aka the most terrifying thing anyone has ever encountered. In the myth of the greedy village and the sorceress, it is said that the master of the village was turned into The Dragon that we do not speak of. Not much is known about this species, as most people who encountered it fucking died, and the ones who slew one of these bad boys killed themselves pretty quickly to not have any more of the fucking apocalypse happen.

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Yeah, this is as far from canon lotr lore as you can come. But, I’m making my own universe here, and no one can stop me. Suck it Tolkien.

Also, thank you @a-e-g-g for helping me with the venom dragon, who both of us now wish to hug even though we would die.

Also, thanks again to @lunaishtari for creating the idea of the dragon curse, that then turned into fricking this. I have gone too far

AU Masterpost

 LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

October 6, 2020

Heather Cox Richardson

In the past three years, it has so often felt like things were reaching the breaking point. But the image of Trump on the balcony of the White House last night, defiantly taking off his mask as he gasped for breath, truly looked to me like the beginning of the final chapter.

Today coronavirus infections continued to mount in the vicinity of the White House. At least 34 people near Trump have contracted the virus in the past few days. The press corps near the White House is down to a skeleton crew as the White House press secretary, Kayleigh McEnany, and four press aides have tested positive. So have top aide Stephen Miller and Admiral Charles Ray, the vice commandant of the Coast Guard Admiral.

Along with other military leaders, Ray attended an event celebrating Gold Star families last Sunday at the White House. That event included some of the same people who had been at the event the previous day in honor of Amy Coney Barrett, whom Trump nominated to take the seat of the late Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg on the Supreme Court. Those who attended both events included Trump and the First Lady.

Senior military leaders attended meetings with Ray last week in a secure room at the Pentagon, and now are self-quarantining. They include the Chairman of Joint Chiefs of Staff General Mark Milley; the Vice Chairman; the Army chief of staff; the Naval Operations Chief; the Air Force chief of staff; the CyberCom Commander; the SpaceForce operations chief; the director of the U.S. National Security Agency, Gen. Paul Nakasone; the Chief of the National Guard, Gen. Daniel Hokanson; and the deputy commandant of the Marine Corps, Gen. Gary Thomas.

The White House has apparently not done any contact tracing, and it declined the help of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention to do it.

The administration appears to be committed to a strategy of community spread, rejecting the use of masks and of distancing. Deputy press secretary Brian Morganstern told NPR’s Mary Louise Kelly that the White House still does not require masks because “everyone needs to take personal responsibility.”

That the White House appears to be the center of a coronavirus hotspot has hurt Trump’s reelection campaign. The infections in the face of the fact that the administration refused to take the virus seriously, the ride around the hospital to wave at supporters while endangering Secret Service agents, the struggle to the balcony in a strongman scene, all appear to have demonstrated not Trump’s strength, but his weakness.

His behavior today has reinforced that sense. Trump left the hospital last night and returned to a locked-down White House. The few aides who met with him were dressed in PPE, while the West Wing is virtually abandoned as people have decamped to work from home. Trump has been on a Twitter spree today, tweeting and retweeting his old material, “the Russia Hoax” and Hillary Clinton’s emails, which now feel like ancient history, disconnected from today’s pressing crisis. Tonight, he tweeted: “I have fully authorized the total Declassification of any & all documents pertaining to the single greatest political CRIME in American History, the Russia Hoax. Likewise, the Hillary Clinton Email Scandal. No redactions!” He hit the same points again in another tweet: “All Russia Hoax Scandal information was Declassified by me long ago. Unfortunately for our Country, people have acted very slowly, especially since it is perhaps the biggest political crime in the history of our Country. Act!!!”

He sounds desperate. And on the heels of his tweets, Representative Ted Lieu (D-CA) tweeted to the Justice Department “Per the President’s orders, can you please provide the [House Judiciary] Committee the full unredacted Mueller Report immediately? Thank you.”

Other dropping stories make it look like the tide is running against Trump.

Patricia and Mark McCloskey, the St. Louis, Missouri, couple who held guns on protesters in June, were indicted today by a grand jury on charges of exhibiting guns and tampering with evidence. Trump invited the McCloskeys to speak at the Republican National Convention. “What you are witnessing here is just an opportunity for the government, the leftist, democrat government of the City of St. Louis to persecute us for doing no more than exercising our Second Amendment rights,” McCloskey said.

Two weeks ago, the administration blocked strict guidelines for a coronavirus vaccine, but today the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) released those guidelines over White House objections. This will make a vaccine before the election unlikely. Trump tweeted “New F.D.A. Rules make it more difficult for them to speed up vaccines for approval before Election Day. Just another political hit job!”

Today, the New York Times revealed the findings of an internal investigation by the Justice Department’s inspector general Michael Horowitz into the policy of separating children from their parents at our southern border. The policy was engineered by Stephen Miller, but the Justice Department has tended to blame then-Department of Homeland Security Kirstjen Nielsen for the policy. Horowitz’s investigation has established that then-Attorney General Jeff Sessions and his deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein were far keener on the policy than she was. In a sign of changing times, a 32-page response to the Horowitz’s investigation, written by Miller’s ally Gene Hamilton, said that Justice Department officials had simply followed orders from the president.

Facebook, too, sees the writing on the wall, and has announced that it will ban all QAnon conspiracy theory accounts. These accounts spread disinformation, including the idea that a heroic Trump is secretly leading an effort to round up a ring of pedophiles and cannibals based in the nation’s entertainment and political elites. The ban is one of the broadest Facebook has ever enacted.

Today, Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell said that a new coronavirus relief bill is imperative, but just hours later, Trump announced on Twitter that he was cancelling further talks between the White House and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Stocks dropped 600 points, and vulnerable Republican senators panicked. Biden released a statement including a pithy condemnation: “Make no mistake: if you are out of work, if your business is closed, if your child’s school is shut down, if you are seeing layoffs in your community, Donald Trump decided today that none of that — none of it — matters to him. There will be no help from Washington for the foreseeable future. Instead, he wants the Senate to use its time to confirm his Supreme Court Justice nominee before the election, in a mad dash to make sure that the Court takes away your health care coverage as quickly as possible.” A few hours later, Trump changed his tune.

Today both the New York Times and the Boston Globe endorsed Biden, and General Michael Hayden, the retired four-star general who served as the Director of the CIA under President George W. Bush, released a video not just endorsing Biden, but also warning that "If there is another term for Trump, I don't know what happens to America." “Biden is a good man,” Hayden says. “Trump is not.”

Financial services company Goldman Sachs today forecast that the Democrats will take both the White House and the Senate, and said a Democratic sweep would mean a faster recovery and thus would be good for the economy. Moody’s Analytics, a subsidiary of another financial services company, recently found that Biden’s plans would add 7.4 million more jobs to the economy than Trump’s would.

Today in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, a town hallowed by history, Biden gave a blockbuster speech calling for the nation to put aside division and come together. He talked about race: “Think about what it takes for a Black person to love America. That is a deep love for this country that for far too long we have never fully recognized.” He talked about disparities of wealth: “Working people and their kids deserve an opportunity.”

And he talked about Lincoln, and how, at Gettysburg, he called for Americans to dedicate themselves to a “new birth of freedom” so that the men who had died for that cause “shall not have died in vain.”

“Today we are engaged once again in a battle for the soul of the nation,” Biden said. “After all that America has accomplished, after all the years we have stood as a beacon of light to the world, it cannot be that here and now, in 2020, we will allow government of the people, by the people, and for the people to perish from this earth.

“You and I are part of a great covenant, a common story of divisions overcome and of hope renewed," he said. "If we do our part, if we stand together, if we keep faith with the past and with each other, then the divisions of our time can give way to the dreams of a brighter, better, future.”

—-

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

Heather Cox Richardson

It’s August 7th and unfortunately, things have gotten exponentially worse…. in the U.S. because the rest of the world has generally gotten their shit together.

As things continue to worsen and we wait for the ticking time bomb that is K-12 schools and universities opening for F2F instruction… prior to having a vaccine, there honestly doesn’t seem to be a real end in sight (unless I move to Canada, and I may or may not have been researching how to become a Canadian citizen).

Most of the time, I’m ok with this. I’m a big girl, I understand that life is hard, things happen, “it is what it is” (barf), but there are some days where the realization that I’ll be living through these Covid times indefinitely, truly knocks the wind out of me.

While I’m generally a home body, I do like the option of being able to leave my house. I miss being able to visit family and friends without worrying about infecting each other. I miss the gym, and coffee shops, and Marshall’s, and thrift stores. I could go on and on about what I miss, but I’ll spare you since I’m sure everyone has things they’re missing right now.

On these hard days, and throughout the pandemic in general, I’ve tried to find ways to feel somewhat “normal”, and luckily with the help of my therapist and suggestions from friends, I’ve felt ok most days and I don’t curl up and cry on the floor for hours on the hard days either (even though a good cry is always good for the soul).

So, I thought I’d share my tips.

Being a teacher and all, it’s in my nature.

1. Tip 1: Keep a loose schedule

In the beginning of the pandemic, I found that I was trying to just go with the flow. I didn’t have any sort of schedule and I quickly learning that everything just started to blend together, in a negative way. When you come from a structured life style, i.e. teaching classes, waking up, eating , working out, dissertating, etc. all at a set time, having no structure feels hard after a while! So, I created a very loose, very flexible schedule, as I found it gave me something to look forward to, while helping my life to feel more normal. For example, my days are generally: wake up around 7:30/8, listen to a podcast or two while eating, from 9 until 12 it’s open to what I want (maybe running, going for a walk, reading, cleaning, etc.). 12:30 is lunch followed by coffee and a dessert. 1-5 I try to complete some school/work related tasks. 5:30-6:30 I cook and have dinner. After dinner, we might go for another walk… or another dessert. I might dance to ratchet music for 20-30 minutes (also good for the soul, trust me), or I might do some things around the house. 9:30-11:30 I watch Netflix. So as you can see, it’s super loose, and the only things that are truly set are my meal times… otherwise I’d be eating constantly all day. The first month of covid, we spent about $600 on food….for two people…. and our budget is 250-300 a month #yikes. By having some things to look forward to though, it helps my days to run a bit smoother. But let’s be honest, we all know it’s the dessert after lunch that keeps me going LOL.

2. Tip 2: Find you hobby

Considering the way American culture and society is set up (insert side-eye here), our lives are often centered around work/school and other obligations, and we rarely have time to pursue other things. Therefore, I’ve tried to really take advantage of having to be home by incorporating some old hobbies back into my life, and even trying new ones. I’ve been flying through angsty Mangas and Animes and repurposing/revamping thrifted furniture/ people trash.

I even made a children’s book for my nephew centered around him and my sister!

I’m also trying to expand the inventories of bread I can make. I’m happily at a solid 1.5 different loaves. I say 1.5 because the second type only comes out well 50% of the time LOL.

  There are so many things you can do such as an online cooking class, a Zoom paint-with-a twist, drawing, photography, running, gardening, learning a new language or skill, becoming an indoor plant mom, etc.

I am especially biased towards activities that involve moving the body. NUMEROUS studies (no I’m not looking them up/linking them b/c I do enough of that as an academic, so you can look up studies yourself!) have found that exercise helps with anxiety and depression (I can attest to this), with mental clarity and focus (I can also attest to this), it helps you sleep better, and it also helps with your immune system, blood pressure, and hormone regulation. My moods are always consistently better when I exercise vs. when I don’t. When I don’t I can become a crazy bish….

3. Tip 3: Take social media breaks

I do this and I have several friends who do this as well. Yes it is important to be connected and social media can facilitate that. However, it is extremely important to monitor/control what we consume. The world, especially the U.S. is NOT a pretty place right now. Our feeds are filled with Black men and women losing their lives to police, families being ripped apart due to Covid-related deaths, thousands of deaths in Lebanon, a humanitarian crisis in Yemen, and the list goes on and on. Taking breaks from constant exposure to that is crucial to maintaining our mental health. I know it’s easier said than done, and studies have shown that social media is a literal addition, but I find that it helps to set small goals, which can be done easily with i-phones. Simply set a limit to the amount of time you’re able to use social media apps (through the i-phone settings), and it will lock you out of the app once you reach that time limit.

4. Tip 4: The Calm app

I cannot express how in love I am with the Calm app. I believe it’s $70 a year but given that I use it everyday, that’s essentially .20 cents a day.  Trust me, it’s wellll worth it. The app includes things like guided meditations, bedtime stories, daily mood check-ins, sound scapes, 7-days of gratitude, and help for anxiety, confidence, relationships, stress, emotions, etc. etc. TBH, you should have bought it when I said .20 cents a day! This app helped me through graduate school as I struggled with stress, anxiety, and sleep deprivation, and it continues to help me with those same things as I transition into a new work environment and of course, Covid.

Lastly, I’m not sure whether this is a tip or not due to its broadness but, if I’ve learned anything from all of this craziness, it’s to do things meaningfully and with intention. It’s soooo easy to agree to 1000 Zoom get-togethers when you’re not interacting with other humans, but it gets to a point where we’re just doing things to do them. Like social media. We scroll just because. We binge shop online (maybe just me…), we watch a million shows on Netflix, we eat ALL the cookies/make constant trips just because. Although it’s not easy, I try to be in tune with myself and my needs by being present, and asking myself WHY. Why are you going in the fridge again, Sherez? Are you hungry, or eating to eat? Why did you say yes to that Zoom hang out when you just spoke with that person two days ago (what could have possibly happened in two days during Covid LOL).

I do slip up, often, but I try my damn best. Trying helps me to make it through the hard days, and it makes the other days as close to normal as it’s gonna get, for now.

Any who, I hope this is able to help someone out there in the black void that is the internet.

Goodluck my friends! Sending back the love + light that I’ve received from so many of you. We’ll get through this, poco a poco, and we are in this together…… despite American society’s push for individualism (*cough, cough*).

Until the next one!

S.M.

Sharing is caring. 

Surviving the pandemic hard days: Tips from me + the community It's August 7th and unfortunately, things have gotten exponentially worse.... in the U.S. because the rest of the world has generally gotten their shit together.

Sunlight (Kunimi x Reader)

Title: Sunlight Ship: Kunimi x Reader Word Count: 1,568 Summary: Kunimi takes you home after he is dragged on a double date with Oikawa and his crush.  A/N: cross posted from my Wattpad!

Kunimi leans into the desk chair, scanning the classroom. Deep breath in, deep breath out. No need for anyone to see that he is having an internal breakdown. His face is stone-cold, with his eyes as dull as usual, but his head is clattered with memories and thoughts, and most importantly, a realization that shook his form in the first place: he developed feelings for you.

For him, this is huge. He hasn't had a crush since junior high, and even then, he found the idea of a prospering relationship too much to handle. Now, while his perspective toward romance has matured, he wants his feelings to be like milk, spoiled once exposed to the elements. He just needs a few reasons to create a barrier between his brain and his heart. Maybe you have a bad habit of dog-earring your pages or you chew too loud or you tend to speak on the sarcastic side. Something. Anything.

Volleyball practice arrives and Kunimi pinpoints the original source of the "problem," as he wants to call this thing that's taken over his mind. This man with perfectly styled hair is ultimately the reason why you and your best friend even come to the volleyball games and while it isn't as hard to talk to Ritsuko, you are a little more difficult, only because Kunimi can't look at you in the eyes. Oikawa approaches Kunimi at the end of practice, glowing and glistening instead of appearing sweaty like everyone else. "Kunimi-chan, will you be meeting up with me, (L/N)-chan, and Ri-chan after we finish here today? I could use a friend to help me seal the deal with Ri-chan and she'll only come if (L/N)-chan comes."

Kunimi slings the towel around the crook of his elbow but all he really wants to do with the sweat-sopped thing is throw it into Oikawa's face. Is he really indirectly pushing the limits to his brain? Oikawa wouldn't know anything about it but Kunimi has nothing to do today and his mom is always nagging him to spend time with his friends instead of reading inside or peppering a volleyball by himself. Kunimi replies coolly, "Sure. What are we doing?"

"Cafe study date, of course!" Oikawa sips from his water bottle, but the corner of his lips form a grin. "I hope we do more talking than studying but you never know. Ri-chan and (Y/N)-chan are so studious sometimes."

"I see." Kunimi nods and gathers his things. "I'll meet you in twenty."

"Okay!" Oikawa's thumb and index finger meet to make a circle. "Say hi to them if you see them before I do! They'll be stopping by the gym. See you!"

Once Kunimi gets into the shower, he does everything he can to prevent himself from banging his head against the tiled wall. The water from the shower head rolls onto his body, then off into the drain. Why did he even agree to this? He is just going to shut off, like the robot everyone says he is. This is a mistake.

"Do you understand what they're talking about?" You lean over to whisper in Kunimi's ear. He shakes his head with a frown in response.

Across the table, your best friend and Oikawa are discussing what seems to be school but also flirting with every other word. You didn't think that was possible up until that moment. Ri-chan always goes for the studious kind, which is kind of the reason why you were so skeptical when she asked you to accompany her to this study session. Oikawa never struck you as the smart guy, but here you were, proven wrong, apparently. Kunimi, on the other hand, is quiet, but it appears that he cares a lot about his grades because he actually is studying for an exam he has next week, according to him.

"What are you working on?" You nudge Kunimi's elbow with yours and at first, it looks like he's about to lash out at you. You scoot into the back of your chair, folding your arms. He doesn't seem invested in his work and he sets his pencil to the side.

"A math assignment." His voice is everything but a murmur. "What are you working on, (L/N)-chan?" Your name doesn't roll off as easy as you thought it would, and you can't help but to wonder if his would sound weird in your mouth too.

"An essay for Japanese literature. I don't really understand it though." Your lips form a thin line before you force yourself to take a sip from your latte. If you were going to spend nearly 600 yen on a drink, you needed to finish it.

"I see." Kunimi nodded and looked outside the window, no longer paying attention to you. You know that he's not an outgoing person, but with Ri-chan and Oikawa doing all sorts of things across the table, you wish you had a more receptive person to the left of you.

Ri-chan pushes herself out of the table with her eyes wide open. "Ah! I need to go pick up Haru-kun!" Her brother, only five, gets picked up. You remember meeting him for the first time and you understand why Ri-chan goes out of her way for her sibling. He is one of the shiest things on this earth.

"Let me come with you, Ri-chan! So that you won't have to go alone." Oikawa suggests with his million-yen smile and she graciously accepts.

"I apologize, Kunimi-san and (Y/N)," Ri-chan's words come out fast and muddled. They bow to the both of you before taking their leave. The bell at the top of the door resounds in your ears over and over. Did that just really happen? You ask yourself. You glance over to Kunimi's expression and it seems that he reacted similarly.

"Er, I suppose I should take you home then." Kunimi offers after noticing your cup drew empty a while ago.

"Yeah, there isn't much point to staying after they've left anyway." You shrug, placing your notebook and pencils back into your school bag. After zipping up and thanking the server for the food and beverages, you motion for him to lead the way out.

He does and he barely looks at you before heading off into a direction. "Kunimi, my house is the other way," you pant after needing to run after him. He isn't necessarily fast, but he is persistent.

"Oh. Okay." To you, it looks like Kunimi is one to only work, but you know from watching him over the year you've known of him that he doesn't even work sometimes. What is the turmoil behind his eyes? What is he thinking about?

This time, you lead the way but you make sure you stand next to him. Now that you're side by side, you need to roll your eyes up to your eyebrows to properly have a look at him. Soft threads of hair, a fit and capable body, but saddest of all, his eyes evoke stirring into your heart. When was the last time someone really got to know him?

"Kunimi-san, if you don't mind me asking," you begin as your scenery changes from the hustle of the city center to the suburbs where most people live. "Do you have friends from outside of the volleyball team?"

"Not really," he replies.

"Why not?"

"I don't go out of my way to make new friends." It is simple and the truth, but it stings your eyes.

"Right." You nod, pushing down the stone in your throat. "Have you ever wanted to become friends with other people?"

"I guess," he mutters as you turn a corner and he follows suit, shoving his hands in his front pockets. "It doesn't really matter to me whether or not I have friends."

"Isn't it a little lonely though?" You prod more, seeing if he'll say anything or do anything. You can't really imagine yourself going further out of your current friend group either, but your group is diverse in all the activities you do. No one person shares all the same ones, which makes conversations exciting.

"Sometimes."

His words trail into a deafening silence. You walk for what you believe is hours and you continue toward your home. The next time he looks at you is when you arrive at the gate of your family home. It is modest, but it is perfect for a family like yours.

"Thank you for bringing me home." You smile as you fish for your keys in your bag, holding out the strap with one hand.

"You're welcome, (L/N)-san." His grin is a ghost, only seen for a second, but you catch it.

"You have a nice smile," you comment softly and shake your head. He isn't looking for new friends, you remind yourself. Your voice raises in dynamics when you say, "So! How far away do you live from here?"

"Maybe...20 minutes." He scratches his head with one of his fingers.

"You should've told me! Your house is far from here!" You go as far as slapping him lightly on the arm, but he doesn't really react.

"It's okay. I wanted to." His small smile returns. The sun streams through the tree on the sidewalk and when it hits Kunimi, it washes over his features with a soft glow. No longer does he look dull, he shines brighter than ever.

Sunday, November 15, 2020

Trump Suffers Key Setbacks in Bid to Overturn Biden Victory (Bloomberg) President Donald Trump’s long-shot bid to overturn President-elect Joe Biden’s victory suffered major setbacks on Friday, with news networks calling Georgia for the Democrat and legal challenges crumbling in three other key states. North Carolina was called for Trump by four networks. ABC and CNN projected a Biden win in Georgia, which would give him 306 electoral votes, far above the 270 needed to win, leaving Trump with 232 electoral votes. All 50 states’ presidential races have been called. The networks called Georgia for Biden and North Carolina for Trump with an estimated 99% of the vote counted, meaning that they believe there are not enough votes left that would change the projected outcome of the race. The Electoral College will meet on Dec. 14 to officially cast their votes for Biden, and Congress is scheduled to accept the results on Jan. 6.

Democrats keep winning the popular vote. That worries them. (AP) Democrats won the popular vote in this year’s presidential election yet again, marking seven out of eight straight presidential elections that the party has reached that milestone. And, for some Democrats, that’s worrisome. President-elect Joe Biden has so far won 50.8% of the vote compared to the 47.4% who voted for President Donald Trump, a 5 million vote advantage that is likely to grow as Democratic bastions like California and New York continue to count ballots. Biden’s 77.5 million votes to date are the most for any winning candidate, and Trump’s 72.3 million also set a high water mark for a losing one. But what alarms many Democrats is a growing gap between their popular vote tallies and their political power. Democrats may be winning over more supporters, but as long as those votes are clustered on the coasts or in cities and suburbs, they won’t deliver the congressional victories the party needs to enact its policies. That power gap is especially clear this year. While Biden was racking up those historic margins, Democrats lost at least eight seats in the House of Representatives and failed to gain a single statehouse—in fact, they lost control of New Hampshire’s legislature. They also fell short of taking back control of the U.S. Senate, with their hopes now resting on winning two run-off elections in Georgia that are considered an uphill climb for the party. Whether it’s a problem—or a necessary check on power—is a point of debate. The founders created a U.S. system of government based partially on geography. Wyoming, with its population of 500,000, has as many senators as California, home to 39 million people. The presidency is a won by amassing a majority of electors allocated to states.

Progressives look to make early mark on Biden White House (AP) Leading progressives are pressuring President-elect Joe Biden to embrace their policy agenda even as more centrist Democrats argue such proposals prevented the party from retaking full control of Congress. The jockeying amounts to the opening round of what is likely to be a lengthy debate over the future of the Democratic Party. Some centrists have blamed losses in the House and a disappointing performance in the Senate on Republicans’ ability to paint Democrats as having moved too far to the left. That’s creating tension for a party that should be basking in the glow of defeating an incumbent president for the first time in nearly 30 years.

In Rural ‘Dead Zones,’ School Comes on a Flash Drive (NYT) Shekinah and Orlandria Lennon were sitting at their kitchen table this fall, taking online classes, when video of their teachers and fellow students suddenly froze on their laptop screens. The wireless antenna on the roof had stopped working, and it could not be fixed. Desperate for a solution, their mother called five broadband companies, trying to get connections for their home in Orrum, N.C., a rural community of fewer than 100 people with no grocery store or traffic lights. All the companies gave the same answer: Service is not available in your area. The response is the same across broad stretches of Robeson County, N.C., a swath of small towns and rural places like Orrum dotted among soybean fields and hog farms on the South Carolina border. About 20,000 of the county’s homes, or 43 percent of all households, have no internet connection. The technology gap has prompted teachers to upload lessons on flash drives and send them home to dozens of students every other week. Some children spend school nights crashing at more-connected relatives’ homes so they can get online for classes the next day. Millions of American students are grappling with the same challenges, learning remotely without adequate home internet service. “It’s not fair,” said Shekinah, 17, who, after weeks trying to stay connected to classes through her cellphone, was finally able to get online regularly again last month through a Wi-Fi hot spot provided by the school. “I don’t think just the people who live in the city should have internet. We need it in the country, too.” Even as school districts like the one in Robeson County have scrambled to provide students with laptops, many who live in low-income and rural communities continue to have difficulty logging on.

Oregon, New Mexico order lockdowns (AP) The governors of Oregon and New Mexico ordered near-lockdowns Friday in the most aggressive response yet to the latest wave of coronavirus infections shattering records across the U.S. Oregon Gov. Kate Brown ordered a two-week “freeze” starting Wednesday, under which all businesses will be required to close their offices to the public and mandate work-from-home “to the greatest extent possible.” While most Oregon stores will remain open, gyms, museums, pools, movie theaters and zoos will be forced to close, and restaurants and bars will be limited to takeout. Social gatherings will be restricted to six people. The Democratic governor warned that violators could face fines or arrest. “For the last eight months, I have been asking Oregonians to follow to the letter and the spirit of the law, and we have not chosen to engage law enforcement,” Brown said. “At this point in time, unfortunately, we have no other option.”

Minneapolis violence surges as police officers leave department in droves (Washington Post) The sound of gunfire has become so familiar across North Minneapolis that Cathy Spann worries she has grown numb to it. Day and night the bullets zip through this predominantly Black neighborhood, hitting cars and homes and people. The scores of victims have included a 7-year-old boy, wounded in a drive-by shooting; a woman who took a bullet that came through her living room wall while she was watching television with her family; and a 17-year-old girl shot in the head and killed. Spann, a longtime community activist who works for the Jordan Area Community Council, cannot recall another time when things were this bad—not even when the city was branded “Murderapolis,” during a spike in violence in the mid-1990s. “If you want to talk about pandemics, we’re dealing with a pandemic of violence,” Spann said on a recent afternoon, just as word came of two more nearby shootings. “We’re under siege. You wake up and go to bed in fear, because you don’t know what’s going to happen next. . . . And our city has failed to protect us.” Nearly six months after George Floyd’s death here sparked massive protests and left a wide swath of the city burned and destroyed, Minneapolis is grappling with dueling crises: an unprecedented wave of violence and droves of officer departures that the Minneapolis Police Department warns could soon leave the force unable to respond to emergencies. In June, a city council majority vowed to defund and dismantle the police department and replace it with a new agency focused on a mix of public safety and violence prevention—a move that could go before voters in 2021. Police Chief Medaria Arradondo said more than 100 officers have left the force—more than double the number in a typical year, and more are considering departing.

Western Union says suspending U.S. transfers to Cuba (Reuters) Western Union said on Friday it was suspending U.S. money transfers to Cuba in 10 days due to the Trump administration’s latest sanction on the Communist-run island, in a blow to the many Cubans who rely on remittances from family abroad. Its customers will now have to find new ways to send transfers against the backdrop of Cuba’s deepest economic crisis since the collapse of the Soviet Union, exacerbated by the coronavirus pandemic. Remittances have become one of the top sources of hard currency in an inefficient state-run economy laboring under a crippling U.S. trade embargo.

Armenians torch their homes on land ceded to Azerbaijan (AP) In a bitter farewell to his home of 21 years, Garo Dadevusyan wrenched off its metal roof and prepared to set the stone house on fire. Thick smoke poured from houses that his neighbors had already torched before fleeing this ethnic Armenian village about to come under Azerbaijani control. The village is to be turned over to Azerbaijan on Sunday as part of territorial concessions in an agreement to end six weeks of intense fighting with Armenian forces. The move gripped its 600 people with anger so deep that they destroyed the homes they once loved. The settlement—called Karvachar in Armenian—is legally part of Azerbaijan, but it has been under the control of ethnic Armenians since the 1994 end of a war over the Nagorno-Karabakh region. That war left not only Nagorno-Karabakh itself but substantial surrounding territory in Armenian hands. Muslim Azeris and Christian Armenians once lived together in these regions, however uneasily. Although the cease-fire ends the fighting, it aggravates ethnic animosity. “In the end, we will blow it up or set it on fire, in order not to leave anything to Muslims,” Dadevusyan said of his house.

India virus surge continues in New Delhi (AP) India’s overall tally of new coronavirus cases remained steady on Saturday, but officials were watching a surge of cases in the capital that comes as people socialize during the festival season. India’s Health Ministry reported 44,684 new positive cases in the past 24 hours and 520 deaths. Of those, 7,802 new cases were reported in New Delhi, with 91 deaths. New Delhi has seen a spike in recent weeks, recording more new cases than any other Indian state. The rising numbers coincide with a busy festival season nationwide, with millions celebrating Diwali, the Hindu festival of lights, on Saturday. COVID-19 beds in government-run hospitals are nearly full and the availability of intensive care unit beds with ventilator support in the city has reached an all-time low, according to the government data. The New Delhi government has said that cases are projected to rise to nearly 12,000 daily by the end of November.

With protests muzzled, Hong Kong takes aim at the press (Washington Post) Choy Yuk-ling, better known as Bao Choy, is among this city’s most dogged journalists. Her work for public broadcaster Radio Television Hong Kong has tackled police misconduct, election-rigging, and flaws in personal protective equipment during the coronavirus pandemic. Last week, nearly a dozen officers arrested Choy at her home for a routine journalistic practice: accessing a public database of car registrations. She was investigating the failure of police to keep a mob from attacking anti-government protesters and others at a subway station last year. Two other journalists were charged that same week, one for resisting the police while filming and another for obstructing officers. The moves sent a chill through the city’s once-freewheeling media, already shaken by a new Chinese security law that ended free-speech protections long available in Hong Kong but not elsewhere in China. Combined with newsroom censorship, managerial shake-ups and visa denials, the arrests underscored officials’ intensifying drive to tighten control over what is said, written and heard in Hong Kong. “What state power has been doing is to try and subdue the few organizations that remain independent, daring and professional,” said Francis Lee, a professor of journalism and communications at the Chinese University of Hong Kong. “They really want to close down this environment of open information.”

Vietnam braces for Typhoon Vamco, 53 dead in Philippines (Reuters) Vietnam was bracing for Typhoon Vamco to make landfall in the country’s central coast early on Sunday, as the death toll in the Philippines rose to 53 from that country’s deadliest storm this year. Packing winds of up to 165 kph (103 mph), Vamco is forecast to hit a swathe of Vietnam’s coast from Ha Tinh to Quang Ngai province, the government’s weather agency said on Saturday. Vietnam is prone to destructive storms and flooding due to its long coastline. Vamco will be the 13th storm that affects the Southeast Asian country this year, where more than 160 people have been killed in natural disasters triggered by a series of storms since early October. “There has been no respite for more than eight million people living in central Vietnam,” said Nguyen Thi Xuan Thu, Vietnam Red Cross Society President. “Each time they start rebuilding their lives and livelihoods, they are pummelled by yet another storm.”

Polisario leader says Western Sahara ceasefire with Morocco is over (Reuters) The leader of the Polisario Front, Western Sahara’s independence movement, said on Saturday the group had ended a 29-year ceasefire with Morocco to resume its armed struggle following a border confrontation. A collapse of the truce could reignite a long-dormant guerrilla war in the remote desert region and aggravate decades of friction between Morocco and neighbouring Algeria, which hosts the Polisario. Polisario leader Ibrahim Ghali said he had signed a decree announcing the end of the group’s commitment to abide by the truce, and blamed Morocco for breaking it. His statement was carried by the group’s official news agency, which also said Polisario fighters had attacked Moroccan positions along different parts of the frontline, which stretches hundreds of miles across the desert. A diplomat familiar with the situation said on Friday that heavy weapons fire was audible near the buffer zone from the direction of a Moroccan military build-up.

Nigeria Goes on Offensive Against Youth Protesting Police Brutality (NYT) Nigeria—Africa’s most populous nation—was turned upside down last month by an uprising that grew into the largest popular resistance the government has faced in years. The demonstrations began as an outcry against the SARS police unit, but evolved into a larger protest over bad governance. The government has adopted a two-pronged strategy to try to put a stop to the uproar. It has tried to persuade people that it is listening to the protesters—commissioning panels of inquiry and announcing that SARS is being disbanded. But it is simultaneously using its power to repress and intimidate activists by throwing many people in jail, and harassing others in ways large and small. Protesters say that the government is conducting a targeted campaign against people associated with the uprising in order to harass, impede and break up the movement—destroying any good faith the government had hoped to build.

Rarely Pure & Never Simple, Chapter 6

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

The last entry in the 600 Followers Gift-a-thon! I meant for this to be out the last weekend in December, but dude to both illness, kiss-a-thon, and this fic turning out well over 7.5K...it just didn’t work out. Thank all of you guys for following and voting; hopefully this year I’ll actually get to finish all the 500 follower raffle fics too...

Despite the glut of graduation media Shirayuki’s been binging, trying to brace herself for-- for all this, nothing quite prepares her for what it will be like to wear her cap and gown.

“It’s plastic,” she says dully, rubbing the waffle-weave between the tips of her fingers. “It feels like a tablecloth.”

“You look great,” Nanna assures her, eyes shining, giving her arm a good squeeze.

“Besides,” Grandad adds, fiddling with his camera. They got him that two years ago, for Christmas, and even still he doesn’t know quite how it works. “At least you and all your friends will be wearing tablecloths together.”

That fact that doesn’t seem to assuage Kihal in the least.

“This is a disaster,” she wails as Shirayuki approaches, waving her hand to encompass both their gowns. “They’re practically see-through!”

Shirayuki blinks, and-- yes. At a glance, she knows that Kihal’s dress is blue beneath her robe, and Kiki’s is purple. She stares down at her own, and through the cheap plastic, the hazy pink splotches of the roses dotting her dress give the vague impression of period stains.

“Oh,” she murmurs, dropping the fabric. “Oh.”

“We’ve agreed, as whole, to aggressively ignore it,” Kiki says rationally, though by the round of her shoulders and the tense line of her jaw, it still rankles. “I’m going to warn the Junior Student Council that they need to ask for blue robes for all genders.”

“Or black,” Kihal suggests, “ditch the whole school pride thing altogether.”

Kiki nods. “Classic. I like it.” Her gaze hooks on to Shirayuki. “You’re doing a speech today, aren’t you?”

Butterflies races sickeningly in Shirayuki’s stomach. “Um, yeah.”

“Feeling prepared?”

Not at all. “As much as I can be,” she settles on. It earns her one of Kiki’s rare smiles, which at least gets the micro-fauna in her gut doing a more pleasant set of maneuvers.

“Good.” She reaches out, giving Shirayuki’s shoulder a solid squeeze. “I’m excited to hear it. Obi said it was, and I quote, ‘killer.’“

“Oh.” She knows they’re friends, of course; she met him through Kiki and Zen, and she hangs out with both of them on the regular, it’s just--

They talk about her. He talks about her, in a way that is, well, boyfriend-like. And she’s never...

Shirayuki has never been someone people talk about. At least, not without some rumor to go along with it.

“Um.” Her eyes sting, even as her mouth curves into a smile. “Cool.”

Kiki’s gaze flicks over her shoulder. “I better go check on Zen. It looks as if he might have some sort of apoplexy if he doesn’t get more help than Obi getting everyone into line.”

Shirayuki’s head whips over her shoulder, gaze fixing to where Zen stands in the gym, cheeks so red he might as well have been slapped. Right beside him is Obi, mouth hooking into his customary smirk, and something that’s been knotted in her breast since this morning loosens.

“That boy needs to get laid,” Kihal decides with a snort. “Or pick up yoga, or meditation, or something.”

A guilt heat sweeps over Shirayuki, head to toe. “W-what?”

“Wisteria.” Kihal jerks her head at him. “He’s going to pass out if he keeps walking around like a pot with its lid on, you know?”

“O-oh,” she says, now more mortified. “R-right.”

“Obviously not Obi. You’re already--” her eyes narrow-- “aren’t you already doing something about that?”

“Um!” Shirayuki casts about for anything that will keep her from having this conversation. “Looks like...we better go line up. I’m with the Ls so...I’ll see you after the ceremony!”

“What?” Kihal squawks, hands fisting on her hips as Shirayuki hurries away. “This conversation is not over!”

Tragically, Kihal is correct.

“I can’t believe you haven’t blow him.” Shirayuki glares down at where Kihal rests her elbows on the back of her chair, staring down the opposite row to where the ‘N’ section sits. “Like not even a little?”

The rehearsal was hardly three days ago, but somehow Shirayuki had forgotten the crucial fact that the ‘T’ section sat just behind the ‘L’ one after they file in.

“I don’t think this is really the time to be talking about this,” she hisses, glancing at the girl next to her, buried in her phone. To her other side is the aisle, thankfully, though when Mitsuhide throws her a small wave she can’t help but think if he was here, on this side, his staid presence might discourage this particular conversation.

“Just look at him.” Kihal gestures with the flat of her hand, right to where Obi sits, grinning, in front of Zen. “His dick is probably gorgeous. Like if I had to say who had the best dick out of everyone we know, I’d say--”

“Kihal.”

“--Probably Mitsuhide,” she admits, “but Obi would be a close second.”

Shirayuki sighs, and, well, maybe if she indulges this line of questioning, it will be over sooner. “We just...haven’t gotten there yet.”

Kihal gives her a dubious look. “It’s been what? Three months? And you expect me to believe he hasn’t mentioned it at all?”

She blinks. “No, actually.”

It hadn’t seemed odd to her-- after all, the only person thus far in her life that had mentioned her getting on her knees was Raj, and that had gone...not well, for either of them-- but now that Kihal has mentioned it...

Obi is nineteen, twenty in a month, and from every movie she’s ever avoided watching on the subject, he should be, well, more actively campaigning for an end to her dickphobia. Or at least, mentioning how he’d like her to be touching him, often and well.

“Maybe he doesn’t like it,” she suggests, at a loss. After all, she knows there’s, um, a reciprocal position, and as nice as it sounds when he suggests it, it doesn’t excite her in a, ah, intellectual sense. It’s not anything she cares about doing any time soon.

“Fake news,” Kihal grunts, “all boys like having their penises touched. If you asked him what he’d like to do to celebrate--” Shirayuki grimaces at the suggestive nudge-- “tonight, he’d say, hands down, that he wants you to blow him.”

Her menagerie of intestinal insects takes flight at the thought. “I don’t know...”

“Scientific fact,” Kihal insists, “given the choice, a dude will always want to be blown.”

“Well--” Obi meets her gaze, giving her a wink that is somehow both saucy and supportive-- “good thing there’s going to be no time for any of that tonight.”

Kihal’s gaze darts between the two of them, her mouth curling slyly. “Oh, I’m sure you’ll both find a way.”

If there’s one thing to be said for Kihal’s dogged determination on the subject of Obi’s penis and what Shirayuki should be doing with it, it’s that while she’s worrying about just how glacially slow she’s moving in her single serious relationship of her lifetime (and whether the local access cameras are near enough to pick up this entire conversation), she had absolutely no time to worry about her speech.

Which is why she nearly faceplants into the aisle when Zen announces, “Shirayuki Leon,” from the podium.

With a recovery that is as removed from smooth as she is from cool, Shirayuki shuffles up to the stage, trying not to stumble on the kitten heels Nanna insisted she wear. Distantly, she’s aware that there had to have been more lead up, that by Zen’s cheerful smile and the interested applause of the crowd, he must have said something complimentary enough to get her into heaven. But she can’t find it in herself to worry about that; instead she thanks him woodenly as he steps back, taking his seat on the stage as the Student Council President, and lets the cold breath of fear wash over her.

“Hi,” she begins eloquently, eyes scanning over the crowd. Goodness, this is a lot of people. “I’m Shirayuki, and I’m new.”

To her surprise, the crowd chuckles, fond smiles spreading across a few faces, and--

She can do this. She really can.

“I think I said that a million times my first week here.” It’s not anywhere near an exaggeration; she’d been searching for friends, anyone to make a senior year transfer seem like less of a punishment, and she’d been what she liked to term aggressively friendly. “I’d thought nothing could be worse than having to leave my old school right when I was going to graduate. How could I replace eleven years of friendship in less than nine months? How could I even become part of this school, when even your colors are weird?”

They laugh at that too, and it’s strange-- she’d thought she’d feel naked saying these things in front of a crowd, in front of classmates who had whispered behind her back, or even asked her bald questions in the hall about blowing Raj Shenezard. But it’s all so far away now, another lifetime, one that existed before Honor Society, before Mathletes, before--

Well, before Drama Club, certainly.

“But I didn’t feel that way long.” Zen and Kiki are on the stage behind her, but Mitsuhide and Kihal are were she left them in the crowd, smiling as she meets their eyes. “I made friends, good friends. The kind of friendships that last beyond homework. The kind of relationships--” her knees quiver under the podium as she glances at Obi, as she says the words she wrestled over last night, trying to make perfect-- “that last beyond a play, beyond high school, into whatever comes after. Together.”

He holds her gaze, and oh, she is-- she is not going to make it through this if she keeps looking at him>.

“I’m changed because I came here. We’re all changed because we came here,” she says, lifting her gaze to the crowd. “My Nanna likes to say that we’re not stone, but clay, constantly being shaped by what’s around us. Being here has shaped us, but it’s also shown me that we can shape ourselves if we choose to. When we leave here we’ll change again, and again, and for some of us, we’ll lose this shape entirely and becomes something new. And for others, we’ll carry pieces of what we became here our whole lives.”

With a single, steeling breath, she continues, “A few months ago, I couldn’t imagine fitting in here. And now I can’t imagine ever having been anywhere else. So as much as this speech is a celebration of all we’ve achieved together, it’s also a thank you.” She smiles, letting her gaze scan over the whole of her class, realizing she knows a name for every face. “Thank you for my senior year.”

“I cried,” Kihal informs her, fanning herself with a program as they wait for their families to find them on the field. “So I hope you’re happy about that.”

Shirayuki frowns. “That wasn’t really the point--”

“Hey!” Zen holds out his arms, wrapping her in a hug that’s only slightly stilted. “Great speech!”

“Thanks,” she says, gripping his arms as she steps back. “I was nervous. I don’t really know how much that would, um, resonate for people.”

“It’s a small school,” Kiki drawls, cutting between them to wrap her arms around her. A thrill shoots up her spine, all the way from her toes. “And you’re one of us now.”

“Oh.” Her eyes sting, like she worried they might on the podium, but this-- this-- “Thank you.”

It’s fine.

“You did an amazing job, Shirayuki!” Mitsuhide tells her, bounding up with a grin and a hug strong enough to break a moose’s back. “The best speech today!”

“Thanks,” Zen deadpans.

“Oh, I--” he grimaces, rubbing at the back of his head-- “I forgot you gave one. But It was good too!”

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Zen laughs, shaking his head. “You’re right, Shirayuki’s was much better than mine.”

“I thought that, um...” If only she could remember any bit of the ceremony that wasn’t her speech or Kihal’s opinion on oral sex, this would be a much easier compliment. “It was very good!”

“Doesn’t hold a candle to yours, though.” Obi’s arm slings around her shoulder, drawing her tight against his side. “Though maybe I’m biased.”

Zen grins at that. “You are kissing the competition.”

Obi waggles his eyebrows. “You’re always welcome to come over here and bias me yourself, Chief.”

He flushes, bright pink against the platinum of his hair, and coughs, “I’m-- I’m good.”

“Do have to say, kid,” Obi continues, dropping his chin to tangle the amber of his gaze with hers, “there was a part in the middle there I don’t remember practicing.”

“Mm.” It’s good he didn’t look at her like this when she was talking; she’d never have gotten a word out around the tangle of her tongue. “I found out I had more to say about all the, um, future stuff.”

“Future stuff?” he asks, breathless.

It would be inappropriate to kiss him here, at least the way his eyes are promising. Her grandparents are talking to Kihal’s parents just a few feet away, and all their friends are watching them, and a peck might be in order but--

But his chest rumbles under her hands as he leans in, half a purr, and as much as she knows this is more fit for a dark corner instead of right next to the bleachers, she pushes up on her toes--

“Hey, Obi, are you coming tonight?”

He steps away, hazy-eyed. Her lips still tingle with thwarted anticipation. “Hm?”

Zen darts a glance between the two of them. “My graduation party. I know you have, uh, a competing engagement.”

“Oh right.” He nods, tucking her into his side. “Yeah, I’m gonna come for about an hour, and then ditch out for Shirayuki’s. As long as that’s okay with you, Kid?”

She blinks. “Yeah, of course. I’m sorry I can’t make it, Zen, but--”

“Don’t worry,” he waves her off. “I know how it is. I might try to pop by after Kiki’s dad opens the liquor cabinet though.”

Kiki grimaces. “Me too.”

“Glad that’s settled.” Obi presses a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll stuff myself on canapes for an hour, and then I’ll come just in time to eat Grandad’s cooking.”

Shirayuki feigns a pout of disapproval. “Well, now I know where your real priorities lie.”

Kiki barks out a laugh. “You can’t be surprised that it’s his stomach.”

Obi grins at that, but his eyes grow serious. “Aw, c’mon kid,” he says, softer, pressing another kiss between her eyebrows. “You know you’re what matters to me.”

She wraps an arm around his waist, enjoying the way his breath skips as she squeezes him. “I know.”

In all her anxiety-watching of graduation movies, not one of them had managed to show a graduation party, opting instead for moonlit moments on picnic blankets beneath the floodlights of the school’s football field. Thus, Shirayuki is thoroughly unprepared for how chaotic it is.

“Shirayuki!” Nanna calls out, waving at her from across the room, “do you remember Mrs Kino?”

She doesn’t have many relatives; her mom was an only child, and her whole paternal side is shrouded in a mystery she’s only even half-interested in solving, but the party is filled to the brim with her grandparents’ friends and business associates from the pub, as well as a handful of old teachers Nanna managed to track down as a surprise. Her own friends have been filtering in and out all night: the Mathletes started here and left after the first round of chafing dishes were finished, leaving to go to another party across town; at least a handful of drama club members here since before even she managed to arrive, ever-changing, though always clustered around the refreshment tables; Kihal has been aggressively greeting everyone that walked in the door as if it were her own party, making sure that Shirayuki gives everyone at least a cursory hello and an outline of her post-graduation plans. Even Ryuu puts in an appearance around dinner, looking as if he’d like to melt into the floor as his mother gushes about what an excellent influence Shirayuki has been, how she’ll be sorely missed next year.

Still, she hasn’t seen Obi.

“He’ll be here,” Kihal promises as they take a breather in the den, scarfing down a entire plate of chicken marsala with an intensity that makes Shirayuki concerned about her future gastric health. “You know he will. And if he doesn’t I’ll kill him.”

There’s a half dozen thing she could say to that, but she settles for, “Thanks.”

“Do you mind checking to see if there’s anymore chicken?” Kihal holds out her plate with wide, pleading eyes. “It’s so good. And I know you want to see if the desserts have come out.”

More like Kihal wants to know if the desserts are out. “Can you not make it there yourself?”

“Nope.” Kihal lounges against the couch’s arm. “I’m like a California condor. I’ve eaten so much I won’t be able to fly for another hour.”

She lifts a brow. “And you still want more?”

Kihal scoffs. “Your grandpa made it. Of course.”

Technically, the staff of the pub made it, and it’s just Grandad’s recipe but-- Shirayuki takes her point and her plate. For a minute, she contemplates cutting through the party, which fills up the living room and spills out onto the back deck, but then elects for the longer, quieter route around the stairs.

“Hey, kid, there you are.” Obi’s smile lights up the kitchen, plates in both his hands stacked high with appetizers. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

“Me too,” she admits, breathless, frozen in the doorway. He’s still in his dress shirt and slacks, sleeves rolled up to the elbow, and haah, she has never been more tempted to tell him that if they’re quiet, no one will know they’ve snuck up to her room.

Obi grimaces. “Sorry about that. I meant to only go for an hour, and then Zen wanted to play a quick pick up game, and it turned to two, and then I got here and...” He shrugs, shaking his head.

“It’s packed,” she agrees, “but I should have known to check the kitchen.”

His lips tick up into a grin, and he turns, leaning his hip against the counter in a way that only heightens the length of his limbs, that reminds her how good they feel around her--

“You did great, by the way,” he says, suddenly earnest. “If I didn’t say already.”

“You did.” She flinches at how awkward and hostile the words sound, but there’s no easy way to say, Kihal has reminded me you have a dick, and even though it abjectly terrifies me, I really want to make out. “I mean, thank you. Again. I’m glad you liked it.”

His mouth quirks at the corner. “Not a dry eye in the place.”

Shirayuki almost says, that wasn’t the point, but what falls out of her mouth is, “Not even yours?”

Obi lights up. “Definitely not.” His cheeks flush as he continues, “I got you a graduation gift.”

It’s on the counter just behind him, conspicuously placed away from the food: a small bag with crumpled up tissue paper, done so artlessly that she knows it couldn’t have been gift wrapped in-store, that he had done it himself. He had picked out that tiny bag, had crushed that paper in his huge hands-- his face distressed, like he’s afraid he’s doing it wrong, like he might break it just by trying-- and there’s something about it that is so sweet, so heartbreaking that she-- she--

Gosh, she really wants to kiss him.

“Me too,” she says, setting her plates down. Kihal may be waiting on the chicken marsala, but she’ll understand the delay. Probably all too well. “I left it upstairs. Should we--?“

“Oh, yeah!” Obi recoils with a grimace. “I mean, yes. Mine’s probably better given in private anyway.”

She blinks, wondering what he could give her that he wouldn’t want other people to see--

I was thinking of one of those little egg ones, the kind that just sit here–

“Obi!” she gasps, scandalized. “You didn’t...”

“What?” He catches her wary glance at the present, and his eyes pulse wide. “No! I mean, I didn’t--”

“Obi!” Nanna bustles in behind her. “You’ve finally made it! I was getting worried I’d miss you.”

With an ease that clearly comes from sixty years of practicing shamelessness, her grandmother closes the space she hasn’t managed to, enfolding Obi in a hug so tight he squeaks. It would warm her heart, normally, but all Shirayuki can think of is that bag, not two feet from them, that may or may not contain a gift that will definitely see her grounded until she’s thirty.

Shirayuki could live with that though-- after all, no one is more eager to not repeat history than her-- but-- but--

The very thought of Nanna standing here, in this room, sharing air with something at least vaguely phallic shaped that Obi would have every intention of putting inside her for the purpose of like, sex stuff and orgasms is just-- wrong. Super wrong. She tastes bile at the back of her throat just contemplating it.

“Have you had the meatballs yet?” Nanna asks, pulling away with a smile. “Colin put them on the menu for you especially.”

Pink flares high on Obi’s impossible cheeks. “Oh! I--” he blinks, gaze fixing over her shoulder-- “Lata?”

“Obi!” Shirayuki presses to the jamb to let him pass, and there’s something about the wildness of his eyes and the mussed mass of his hair that reminds her that the professor is a narrow man, but a tall one, looming over even Obi as he stumbles into the kitchen. “There you are. This place is a zoo.”

“It’s a party,” Nanna offers, wry.

He stares at her, uncomprehending. “Did I not just say that?”

“Lata.” Obi’s voice is strained, every line of his face etched with worry. “Is something wrong?”

Professor Forenzo doesn’t answer, not with words, but instead he reaches into his coat, thrusting out his hand, and--

And he’s holding an envelope. A large envelope. A golden lantern glitters under the kitchen light. “This came for you.”

Obi only stares, gaping, hands dead at his side.

“Oh!” Nanna gasps, eyes wide. “Oh, why don’t you-- you should--” her eyes meet Shirayuki’s around the professor’s shoulder-- “I’ll make your excuses, honey.”

She blinks. “But...”

Obi still hasn’t moved, and neither has Forenzo. Even from where she stands, she sees the professor’s hand shakes.

“Right.” She sets down her plates, taking the envelope from his hands as she slips her fingers through Obi’s limp ones. “We should go open this, don’t you think?”

Obi swallows thickly. “Yeah. Yes. Open it.”

She tugs on him, yanking him a single staggering step. “Come on, I know just the place.”

“Okay.” He stares at the envelope in her hand, following her woodenly. “Okay.”

Shirayuki glances at the plates on the counter. “Nanna, could you do a favor for me?”

She eyes Obi worriedly. “Anything you need.”

“Do you think you could bring a plate of chicken marsala to Kihal?” She grimaces sheepishly. “That was sort of why I came it here.”

Nanna's mouth twitches at the corner. “Sure thing. Have fun, you two.”

“Right,” Obi murmurs, every line of him tense. “Fun.”

The bleachers haven’t been broken down.

Somehow that’s the detail she hangs onto as they pull up to the field in Obi’s sedan, dew staining the satin of her flats. They’d been here only hours earlier, the afternoon sun burning bright and endless, but now fog hangs heavy over the grass with only the floodlights to break through it.

It’s strange how it only strikes her as she lays out a blanket with shaking hands, dew wetting her fingertips, that it’s all done now. Her whole life has been focused on graduating, on going to college, on not letting history repeat itself, and now it’s over, the work of a single afternoon. The moment she’s bent her whole life towards has passed.

Now she needs a new one.

“All right,” she says, settling onto her knees, feet crossed under her. “Is it time?”

Obi’s wide-eyed in the glow of the floodlights, mouth slack, his hands clenched around the edge of the envelope like he’s drowning and it’s the only thing holding him afloat. “Is it?”

“Obi.” She folds her hand over his, feeling how he shakes right down to his bones. “Whatever happens, we’ll be okay.” She gives him a confident smile she only half feels. “There’s skype, remember?”

He nods, absent. “Right. Right. I know. It’s just...”

Shirayuki knows what it’s just. She’d had plenty of time to think of every single worst-case scenario on the way over in triplicate, and now she’s just-- she’s just--

She’s tired of being afraid that something good will happen. “What’s the worst thing that could be in there? They won’t accept you? We’ve already been planning for that.” Her thumb rubs over the bone of his, soothing. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know, I know. I just...” He sniffs, rubbing his face on his shoulder. “Sometimes hope is worse, you know?”

She doesn’t, not really, but she knows that deep down inside, he’s still that little boy hoping his mom would fight for him, hoping that he’ll get passed to someone that will finally love him. She may not get it, but she understands.

“Okay, this is-- it’s getting dumb.” he laughs wetly, turning the envelope in his hand. “Let’s do this.”

Despite the bravado, his fingers shake as he opens it, muttering curses to himself when the flap won’t come off with one clean pull. Every time he tries to do another tear, the paper feathers out of his grip, until the edge is thousand little finicky rips that flutter off to the blanket. Shirayuki bites back a giggle as he tips the whole thing over, trying to use the weight of the packet to break through the last of it, sitting up on his knees and just shaking--

A thousand flyers flutter out, covering the blanket between them, the grass beside them, everything. Student Dining she sees on one, Greek letters on a dozen more, financial aid-- but still the bulk stays stuck inside, its squared-off corners stuck where the envelope didn’t fully tear.

“You know,” he grunts, tearing the edges off wholesale, “they don’t show you this shit in movies.”

A laugh bursts out of her, scattering the glossy papers she’d already straightened. “I think that’s because most people know how to open mail.”

“I know how to open mail,” he protests, shaking harder, “this is just unnaturally--”

The packet slips out in a slump, hitting the blanket with a weighty thwap, like the calves they show being birthed in biology class, only without all the, uh, extra gunk, or cows, or anything being actually birthed at all. They both stare at it, wide-eyed, neither of them making a move, not for the large, spiral-bound book or the crisp letter on top of it.

When Obi does, it’s for that, picking it up between his fingers as if it’s made of tissue, like all he has to do is breathe and it’ll break. Her eyes fall to the thick manual beneath it, squinting to make out the words Prospective Student Guide. Just like hers. “Obi...”

“I did it,” he chokes out. “I got in. I got in.”

In the glow of the floodlights she sees the shine on his face, and she knows, right then, that whatever her new moment is, she doesn’t want it unless its with him.

She fists his shirt in her hand, dragging him down until she can press her lips to his, until she can taste the salt under his lips and the hitch of his breath.

“I knew you could do it,” she murmurs as she pulls away, sitting back on her heels. “I’m so proud of you.”

His breath rasps out of his throat, eyes wide and gold like dollar coins, and-- and maybe this is too fast, too much. Maybe she’s too much like her mom, thinking that her high school boyfriend is forever when he’s really just right now, just what’s easy, and she--

She stops thinking when his mouth covers hers.

He whimpers into her mouth, hands digging through her hair like he can’t get close enough, like nothing less than consuming her whole will be. Her hands fly to his wrists, holding him where he is, leaning into his touch, and oh, maybe she is like her mom, falling too hard and too fast, but Obi’s right there to catch her.

With a groan, he pulls back, resting his forehead against hers. “Well, I gotta say...this sort of fucks up the gift I got you.”

“What do you--?”

He springs for the bag, set at the edge of the blanket, and thrusts it at her. “Go ahead.”

Her brows furrow as she rifles through the tissue, plucking out wads of crumpled paper. There’s two layers at least, packed tight, and even if she hadn’t heard the broad strokes of his life before he came to Clarines, she’d be worried about just what sort of childhood he had if he can’t pack a gift bag.

She unearths a blister pack, pulling it out with a twist of her fingers. There’s a headset nestled inside, blue and white, clip-on instead of buds, with the packaging boasting microphone included!

“Oh,” she breathes, running her fingers over the bubble. The bulge of the mic is innocuous, a small thing, and it’s so easy to see the way it would have slipped subtly it under a hoodie, or how she could have just slung it around her neck as she moved from class to class, never bothered by the weight. She’d believed him when he said he was serious about her, that nothing about his feelings were casual, but still, still--

He wanted to fit into her life, as unobtrusively as he could. Hours away, he wanted her to know that he was there for her, only a quick phone call away.

“I didn’t want to get the earbuds since you always say they hurt your ears.” His grin goes wide, wicked. “You know, because you’re tiny.”

“I’m not tiny,” she says, wrinkling her nose, “my ears are tiny.”

“Sure, kid.” He coughs, mouth twitching, “it’s your ears.”

“It is!” she insists, swatting at his arm. “Anyway, thank you. These are wonderful.”

Obi shrugs, just a twitch of his shoulders, cheek flushing the pales pink. “You won’t really be needing them now, I guess.”

“I guess not.” She sets them aside, right next to his student guide, and-- and it’s all so much. Too much. “It was thoughtful, though. And I’m sure I’ll use them anyway, even if it’s not for, you know, three hour long skype calls.”

“Yeah, keep ‘em.” His grin pulls even wider. “I’ll just have to make sure to get you that other gift too, to make up for it.”

She surges forward with a yelp, clapping a hand over his mouth. “Stop.”

His lips shiver beneath her palm, and despite the burn on her cheeks, she can’t stop smiling either, can’t stop thinking about this is it, he is it. “Just sayin’...”

“Yes, yes, I think you’ve said plenty, thank you,” she laughs, dropping her hand. She’s so close to him now, half on his lap, her hand pressed to where his chest still shakes with laughter, and-- “We should celebrate.”

“Oh, are you going to take me out?” His arm cinches around her, yanking her close, and she gives out a shriek, hands bracing on his shoulders. “Going to drive me out to Olive Garden and treat me right?”

“I mean...if you want,” she blurts out, wishing that she was better at conveying...stuff. Sexy stuff. “I just meant that we could, um, celebrate here, too. Now.”

“Oh.” His eyes pulse wide. “Oh. You mean...here. Just the two of us. Like...” He swallows hard. “What were you, ah, thinking?”

“I thought I might, ah--” this should be easier than it is, especially when she can feel him twitch against her thigh, excited-- “leave that up to you?”

His eyes go impossibly wider. “You mean...anything?”

“Yeah.” It’s what’s fair; she asked him to touch her, to make her come, and he should-- he should also get the choice. It’s his achievement, not hers.

Scientific fact. The words still ring in her ears, reminding her what a terrible idea this is. Given the choice, a dude will always want to be blown.

He ducks his head, fixing his gaze on hers. “Are you sure, kid?”

Shirayuki braces herself. It’s fine. She can do anything for him, even if it involves penises. “Yes. Anything.”

“Okay,” he breathes, “okay.”

That’s all the warning she has before she spills back, air huffing out of her as she hits a particularly hard clump of earth. Obi’s there in a second, wrapping her legs around him, and oh, she’d thought maybe this would be a-- a blowjob, but-- but Obi has had sex before, after all, even told her he missed it--

So it’s a real surprise when he just kisses her, open-mouthed and wanting, and doesn’t do anything.

Not that she’s complaining. He’s got one hand snug against her scalp and the other keeping her hips firmly against his in a way that is...very exciting, especially when she can feel, um, him grind into her, right where she’s starting to ache. It’s just--

“You just want to make out?” she asks, incredulous, as he slips the strap of her dress down and cups the breast he bares. “That’s it?”

He pulls back, blinking. “Is there a problem with that?”

It’s hard to locate one when he rolls her nipple like that, right between two long fingers before his mouth closes over it wholesale. But still, still-- “I thought you’d want to-- to--” she takes a gasping breath as his hand snakes up her thigh-- “do something, um, new.”

“I do,” he rumbles, mouth grinning against her breast. “I just can���t really, ah, go for it.”

“Why not?” She squirms, lifting her hips as he hooks a finger into her panties and pulls. “I said any-- ohhh--thing.”

His fingers slip against her in just the way she likes, and oh, it’s getting really hard to protest any of this. His mouth is back on her neck, kissing down to her sternum, and her arguments turn mushy and indistinct as she tries to voice them, slurring into groans and sighs as he touches her, tracing her clit and teasing her folds.

“I know,” he murmurs against her skin as she arches into a particularly good thrust. “And I appreciate it, but...it’ll feel weird if you aren’t ready.”

That gets her thinking, as much as she can in this state, but all high function stop the minute he purrs, “Good thing you are now.”

His mouth leaves her skin, the hand in her hair skipping straight down to ruck up her skirt, and still she has no idea what he could possibly mean until he puts his mouth right on her clit.

“Oh!” she yelps, hips bucking so hard she nearly knocks his chin. “Woah!”

He blinks up at her, concerned. “Is this okay?”

Oh, it’s...it’s really hard to think when she can feel every puff of breath out of his mouth like a caress, deliciously warm against her. “Yes. I mean, yes, but I thought you would want, ah, something for you?”

“For me?” His pupils blow wide as he looks down at her, bare and wet beneath him, leaving only a thinnest ring of gold. “Kid, you don’t know how much I’ve thought about this.”

“O-oh?” The worst part about him being down there, touching her, is that she knows he can feel her get wetter, get hotter. “Just...recently? Or...?”

He laughs, tongue tracing along her slit in a way that makes her sure she’s about to come right there, if only he’d keep going. “Always.”

“Always?” she breathes, curious.

She can’t really see his cheeks, but his neck definitely flushes. “You were just always perching on things with, you know, skirts on and being cute. I’m only human.”

(”--and I think we may have to move this flat,” she hums, tucking a leg beneath her, pulling her skirt back down over her knee. “Raj keeps running into it when he exits through the door, and-- Obi, are you listening?”

“Huh?” he slurs, gaze jerking up. “Were you saying something?”

She rolls her eyes. “Yes. The flats.”)

“Oh,” she pants, “oh.”

Her fingers curl through his hair, and with a single shuddering breath, she urges him down. His laugh huffs against her, so warm, and then he’s on her again, only this time better, more.

What he’s doing is just-- beyond her. His fingers thrust between her legs, so good and yet not nearly enough, hitting the rhythm she knows will bring her to the edge, but it’s his mouth that has her full attention. She’d imagined this before, sure, but she’d always though it would be his tongue where his fingers were, poking in and out, and she just assumed that would feel...good? Goofy, but probably nice, if people were always talking about doing it.

It had certainly appealed when Obi mentioned it, I could put my mouth on you, though she’d often wonder why afterward. Something that would make sense in the moment, she assumed, but not when someone was thinking with their actual brain, after.

She could not have been more wrong.

His mouth latches onto her clit, the jolt of pleasure almost too much, too intense when he give it one, strong suck. The noise she makes isn’t anything sexy, half a yelp and half a grunt, but he readjusts, tongue flicking over the tiny bud instead and-- oh, that’s...that’s much better.

Maybe a little bit too much. She wants this to last, to enjoy the feeling of him down there, between her legs, stubble tickling her thighs and mouth so warm against her, but-- she can feel it building already, too quickly, his fingers moving with his tongue in just the right way, sending her right to the edge--

She comes with a strangled cry, head tilted back toward the stars, and for a long moment she’s one with the sky above her, weightless, before she plummets back down to earth.

“Oh,” she gasps, blinking away tears, “wow.”

Obi flops beside her, mouth stretches in a grin, and pants, “Good celebration.”

She stares at him. “Is that it?”

He jolts up onto his elbow, serious. “Di you not--?”

“N-no! I did. I definitely did. It’s just...” She braces herself, determined. “It’s your celebration! You should come.”

His mouth rounds into a surprised O as he stares at her. He shakes himself a moment later, laughing, “No, no, trust me, Kid. I’m fine.”

“Obi.” She rolls up onto her elbow, fixing him with her most stubborn look. “I’m not going to make you drive back with a hard on, and then sit through more of my graduation party.”

She presses her thigh against it, just to underscore her point, and he groans, eyes fluttering shut. It should be so hot, but, ohh, it is.

“See?” she murmurs thickly. “The celebration isn’t over.”

His breath pants out of him, harsh. “Kid...”

“I-I could...”

“Kid,” he laughs, “don’t put yourself out. I can handle it. I mean, if you don’t, uh...”

“Yes!" She winces at the relief in her voice. “I mean...yes. You should-- do it now. I just won’t look.”

“Right,” he laughs as she turns over, putting her back to him. “I wouldn’t want you to feel oppressed by my massive--”

“If I’m going to see it one day, you probably don’t want to give me unrealistic expectations,” she snips waspishly, folding her hands to make a pillow.

“Oh.” The word bursts out of him, like he’s been punched. “Yeah. I mean...right.”

She can hear each tooth of his fly as he unzips, so slow she squirms in anticipation even though she’s not doing a thing, just laying here for, uh, moral support. It’s strange to think it’s right there, that if she turned over she’d see his-- his--

Well, a lot more of Obi than she’s seen before. More than she’s prepared to see, no matter how much she’s thought about it.

He gasps when he takes himself in hand, and even though she knows the mechanics of this, of boys doing that, she’s surprised at how quiet it is, how it sounds less like comical wet slapping and more like... skin on skin. It’s soft, rhythmic, lacking the weird, almost violent jerking in the five seconds of every old teen comedy she’s seen before she covered her eyes. And the sounds Obi makes...

Ah, those are...nice. Really nice.

Her thighs clench at each soft sigh, at the way his breath hitches with every stroke. Obi always said that just watching her come did it for him, and she believed him, she had, but-- now she knows how true it is. She only came minutes ago, but the sounds of him alone is making her wet, slicking the inside of her thighs and reminding her how he’d sounded in the car, months ago--

--ah, yes, like that, god – fuck, Shirayuki, I–

He moans, long and pained, and she-- she’s curious. Enough to get her into trouble, Grandad says, and sometimes out again. So she can’t help it, she-- she peeks.

Not at his-- down there, of course, but just at his face, at the safe parts. Or at least, it would have been safe, if his head wasn’t thrown back like that, if his eyes weren’t wrenched shut, mouth slack--

Yes, god, the way you sound – god, fuck, that’s so good, please –

Shirayuki rolls back, fitting tight against his side, stomach thrilling as she feels the pace of his arm rubbing against her, as she watches the way his whimpers eke out of his mouth, unbidden. He must feel it, feel the difference, because he stops, a whine wringing from his throat as his eyes slit open to look at her, so dark--

“Don’t stop,” she tells him, breathless. “Keep going.”

His eyes widen, seeking hers, and as he starts moving again, breath rasping out of his chest, all Shirayuki can see is gold. It’s too much, too much, and she leans in, covering her lips with his.

Obi gasps into her mouth, whimpering as her tongue licks against his teeth. He arches into her, hand wrapping around her neck and dragging her closer, fingers tangling roughly in her hair until he cups the back of her skull, holding her to him.

“God,” he murmurs against her lips, pulling back with each press to suck down a drowning man’s breath. “Fuck.”

His elbow works against her stomach, and she’s too curious still, letting her hand trail down his arm to feel the corded muscle there, standing out in stark relief as he strains to meet his pleasure. Her fingers trail down further, further, following those lines to his wrist, to where she can already feel the heat from his--

He whines, writhing beside her, hips bucking into her thigh, and she realizes: he’s coming.

Shirayuki jumps back from him with a pop, eyes searching his face, but it’s too late, it’s over, his head dropping back onto the grass with a laugh. In the burn of the floodlights, his face is flushed, dewy.

“You don’t, um, have a tissue or something in that bag of yours, do you?” he asks shyly, looking like he’d appreciate if the field experienced a sudden, localized sinkhole.

“Oh!” She pops up, grasping blindly for where she dropped her purse. “Yes! Here. I, um, also have hand sanitizer.”

Obi lets out a weak laugh as he takes the packet from her. “It’s not that much of a--” he hisses-- “mess, god damn.”

She dares a glance over her shoulder, mouth dry as she watches his back work. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just-- sensitive.” He casts a shy glance over his shoulder, before letting it skitter away. “It was just...really good.”

“Oh.” That is really not helping with her whole...situation. Especially now that she can see where her panties are, an arm’s length away on the grass, and she’s reminded that there’s nothing beneath her dress, that she could easily lay back and-- “Oh.”

“Yeah.” His zipper is loud in the silence, enough that she feels her own blush bloom on her cheeks. He lets out a sigh, scrubbing a hand down his face. “You know, I think it’s good you have your dickphobia, kid.”

That’s...definitely not what she’d though he’d say after all...this. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” He lays down next to her, hands raising up to grasp her by the shoulders and guide her down beside him, ear pressed firmly to his chest. His heart is beating loud, strong, and triple time. “If that’s what it’s like with you just being here, I don’t know if...” He coughs, squirming. “I’m not sure I’m ready to have sex either. With you.”

She shrinks. Of course, of course. “Oh...”

“No, no! That’s not--” he pulls back to look at her, so serious-- “I want to. I want to so bad. But, I just mean...”

He lets out a sigh, head hitting the ground with a thunk. “I’ve never done any of this with, you know, feelings too. It’s just been...stuff. That I did. To feel good. But now...”

He bites his lip, and it’s terrible how it only makes her want to kiss it, to take it into her mouth and sooth away the sting. “Like, my dick wants to have sex, all the way, all the time. Everything about you does it for me, and I just...” He lets out a frustrated groan. “I think that my...my heart...”

He presses a hand there, brows furrowed, like he’s not used to thinking about it. “Never mind.”

“No, I...” She lays a hand over his, squeezing it. “I get it.”

“It’s just that...” He takes a breath, clears his throat, and looks at her with eyes as warm as honey. “You’re not casual for me, Shirayuki.”

She can feel the smile on her face, almost too big to contain, and she leans down, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Good,” she breathes, curling fingers into his hair. “You’re not casual for me either.”