time travel fix it au's are done to death in this fandom but also they're my favourite thing in the world so au where the entire show happens as is and it's heartbreaking and inspiring etc but then. restart button. waking back up at the start of the end except only the people that lived remember
wanna think about what would happen when daryl and carol wake up at camp, remembering everything that happened; carol stronger, knowing in her gut that everything that she remembers is real, and daryl fucking terrified, because if everything in his head actually happened, then what the fuck is this
wanna think about a rick dragging a hostile merle and a wide-eyed glenn back to camp, memories completely intact, and running to reunite with his family. not letting daryl go and hugging carol so so so tight, collapsing to the ground with carl in his arms
wanna think about them dragging the atlanta group to the farm, maggie leaving the front porch light on for them, and everyone reuniting. rick seeing hershel again, daryl seeing beth, carol pulling sophia close, and maggie being unable to even breath, looking at glenn
wanna think about them tossing up whether to even go to the prison, but they met important people there, and alexandria's a long way, and if they're gonna survive this time–if they're gonna live–they're gonna do it right
so they go to the prison so they can figure out their next step, and michonne's there and waiting, andre on her hip, and they deal with the governor before the governor deals with them, and sasha and tyresse finally show up, they find the prisoners, and then one day they get a knock on the front gate, and it's negan
negan showing up, no baseball bat in hand but his leather jacket still in place, a sick but alive lucille by his side, laura and doctor franklin behind him, and all he's got to say is at the end of the world, i know which side i wanna be on
the fallout of that, of maggie being against it, of rick never having gotten to see negan at the end, not knowing the choices he made, the good and the bad. daryl and carol looking at glenn, seeing him alive and in love and having no memory of his last moments, and never wanting anything to ruin that, but negan saved judiths life, helped save all their lives. he chose, in the end, and now it's their turn
wanna think about a future where beth doesn't die, but they go on a rescue mission to get noah anyway. a future where tara turns up with her niece, led by eugene with abraham and rosita following right behind him
wanna think about how they'd handle terminus, how they'd handle the claimers. wanna think about them trying to find father gabriel, except gabe made it the first time around, and he wasn't wasting his second chance. he saved his flock, and he led them to alexandria, and he's waiting
wanna think of connie's group searching for hilltop. not finding maggie, or alden, but finding jesus. wanna think about lydia, being a fucking child, and watching her mother kill her dad, and remembering aaron telling her how loved she was
wanna think of the growing pains of them being able to save so many more family members this time, but god, a larger group is harder to keep alive
daryl trying to run interference with merle and everyone else, getting the jack of it one day and telling him he's already mourned him once, and he won't again. if merle wants to stay–to live–then it's up to him. daryl's not gonna babysit him anymore
rick trying to find his footing between lori and shane and judith, with carl, with michonne and andre. michonne looking at a weak but alive lori grimes holding a screaming and crying newborn in her arms, and knowing that she's never gonna be her daughter the way she was before, but knowing she'll always be something to her
carol struggling to be the mother sophia needs her to be, emotions too sharp and constantly fucking terrified. doesn't know how to hold onto someone like that anymore, either gripping too tight or not at all
maggie trying to exist in a world where she has everyone she's ever loved back, so close and so fucking dear, except it cost her her son. not knowing if she'll ever get him back at all. doesn't know how to live with the grief of losing someone she never technically had in this world
they make it to alexandria and it's aaron opening the gate for them, waiting to welcome them home
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Of Nightmares and Late Night Encounters
Kaya has a nightmare and Suna wakes him up. The rest, as they say, is history. One-shot.
My brain came up with this scene late at night on Christmas Eve, when I was trying to fall asleep, and it (obviously) didn't leave me alone until I actually wrote the entire thing. As mentioned in the tags, I have no idea how KaySun will evolve in canon, so I don't know how (or if) what I wrote here will fit in with the show. But whatever. This fandom deserves nice things.
AO3 link here.
Suna had been a light sleeper for most of her life.
It was like her subconscious was finely tuned in to catch even the smallest sign of something not being right in her environment. As a child, she would always wake up and reach out to Seyran whenever her sister had nightmares, her touch and whispered words always more than enough to soothe her and return her to a calm sleep. If she couldn't protect Seyran from the regular horrors of the day, she could at least protect her from the horrors that were haunting her sleep - which, Suna suspected, were the same anyway.
She had kept the habit of waking up at least once per night as an adult, even after Seyran had married and left her proximity, never truly being able to enjoy an uninterrupted night of sleep, always on edge.
She had enjoyed a change in her sleeping pattern only since marrying Kaya. Having him around during the night was comfortable in a way she hadn't expected. Kaya was keeping to himself for the most part, and, outside of the moments when they were being intimate, was extra careful to not cross into her personal space, putting a respectful distance between the two of them. He was also an exceptionally calm sleeper, not moving much during the night; he would fall asleep on his belly, hugging a pillow, and Suna suspected that's how he would usually wake up as well, although, thanks to her newfound ability to sleep without interruption during the night, she hadn't yet had the chance to wake up before him to test her theory.
So when she unexpectedly wakes up during what appeared to initially be just another regular night, she knows something is amiss.
With her mind still slightly foggy, she looks next to her, at Kaya who's still asleep (on his back, she quickly takes note), and at first cannot quite believe her eyes, but sure enough, she has seen a similar picture many times before. Kaya's breath is accelerated, his fingers clutching the sheet, the pillow on the floor, away from his grasp, and yeah, all signs point out to him having a nightmare.
A heartbeat passes, and she's not quite sure what she should do - if she should do anything at all. But then a brief pained moan escapes his lips, so her need to soothe takes over, and she reaches out to him, touches his forehead gently with her palm.
He wakes up with a shudder, and Suna almost backs off, but his eyes quickly focus on her, and he catches her hand with his before she can completely withdraw it.
"Suna," he whispers.
"I'm sorry," Suna whispers back, not exactly knowing what to say. "It looked like you were having a nightmare."
He swallows once, twice. "Yeah, I think I was," he says, no longer looking at her. "Did I bother you?"
He looks uncomfortable, and Suna remembers his reaction the morning after he had fallen asleep crying in her arms. At the time, she had thought he was being distant to punish her, but looking at him now, she realises it was probably also because he didn't like showing his hidden vulnerability.
"Don't worry about that," she replies. "I'm a light sleeper normally."
His features relax a bit, and he turns on his side to look at her, his hand still on hers. "Sorry anyway," he says. "I don't know why, but I don't seem to sleep well on my back."
A pause, then he adds:
"But I didn't know you're a light sleeper. It's a bit surprising."
"I used to be a light sleeper, at least," Suna amends, and for a moment she thinks whether it's okay to share this with him or not, but they did promise to be honest with each other, and she doesn't see what harm it could bring. So she adds: "It seems like I sleep better with you around."
His gaze becomes pensive, and he studies her for a while, without saying a word, his hand moving slightly over hers in touches just as gentle as her own touch on his forehead earlier. Suna feels her cheeks reddening slightly, but holds his gaze, waiting.
He eventually speaks again:
"Suna, is it okay if I hold you for a while?"
And she doesn't know what pushes her to say it. Maybe it's the fact that it's late at night, maybe it's the constant gentleness he treats her with, his great care around her, the respect regarding her boundaries, the way he looks in semidarkness, eyes on her. Maybe all of those at once.
But she says it.
"You can do much more than hold me. If you want."
He doesn't say a thing, but, before she can even start to second guess herself, his lips are on hers, and his kiss is hot and heavy.
*
Even with all her lack of experience and general shyness in intimate situations, Suna doesn't think Kaya realised that she was technically a virgin during their first night together.
Because he took so much time, touching her intently, pausing to ask her whether it felt good, encouraging her initially timid touches as well, that by the time he entered her, she was so relaxed that it didn't hurt, and she never bled.
He never quite asked her what happened in her first marriage; he probably suspects she was assaulted, but never asked for any details, and that's something she's quietly grateful for. She doesn't think she can share with anyone the sort of humiliation she was made to endure. Not even with him; not yet, anyway. She doesn't know why, but she feels deep in her core that he wouldn't judge her.
She's not used to ask for what she wants; she was always in the background of her own life, never being able to oppose whatever bad things would happen to her at any given moment.
There's nothing bad about this, though, nothing bad about the way his arms hold her, nothing bad about his lips on her throat, nothing bad about his whisper in her ear "you can stop me if I become too rough", nothing bad about his hands on her bare skin.
He's indeed less gentle than the previous times they did it, his hands wandering around more freely, his touch a bit more insistent, his whispers more commanding: "tell me how to do it, tell me how you like it", words that would normally make her blush in any other situation, but not here, not with him.
She feels him deep inside of her, intensity building up to the point that she can barely hold herself together, and it's frightening, but also exhilarating. "Let go," he murmurs, "let go, let go, I won't be able to last long either", and that's what finally sends her over the edge.
*
When she returns from the bathroom, she expects to see him already clothed, as it usually happens after their intimate encounters. But he lays between the sheets in the same position he was when she left, and, as far as she can see, he's still naked.
She pauses for a bit, then, almost without realising, slips out of her robe and lets it fall to the ground before climbing back into bed.
He reacts immediately, moving towards her, hands touching her tenderly. "Is it okay like this? Sorry, I didn't really feel like moving, but I can-" and then he pauses, and she knows he realised she's also naked behind the sheets.
"It's okay," she smiles. "It's comfortable."
His head moves towards her shoulder, his body almost completely covering hers, and Suna holds him gently, her fingers playing with his hair. She feels him from head to toe, a pleasant warm weight on top of her.
It's beautiful. It's scary.
She thinks she knows what love is, but she doesn't quite know how to define this, whatever it is that's between them. She just knows she doesn't want it to end.
"Suna," she hears him speaking. "Will you hold me like this for a bit longer?"
And so she gives the only answer that wouldn't sound like a lie: "Always."
*
He's still asleep when she wakes up in the morning.
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