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simibraun · 3 years

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Attack on Titan, chapter 137 analysis.

Chapter 137 has put everyone to thoughts by giving the answer which is so obvious and simple, an answer that is right before our eyes every single day, regarding the meaning of life and its beautiful simplicity. This chapter has some beautiful parts and I feel that Isayama completes my complex thoughts as a human being. After all, this is why I am so passionate about the story of Attack on Titan, because in one way or another, in the last 11 years reading his story, Isayama described to me, teached me, gave me answers and helped me in his way, to understand my journey in life. I have a lot say and I could write endless things regarding this matter, but I expressed many things in the following texts, regarding the conversation between Zeke and Armin, which is the most interesting part of this chapter. The following texts are a mixture of chapter analysis and personal expression. Let's begin with the quote Zeke said: “Maybe the end of your days are being manipulated.. all in the name of multiplication. Without ever knowing if it means anything at all.” The meaning of life sure is a complicated matter, but as far as we can understand life, a human is able to give and leave behind more things to this world, than just multiplication. A man is born to feel the completeness of his/her journey in life. But nowadays we are mostly lost in the heaviness of a dark life that we created by our own actions or created by others. We forgot the beautiful, meaningful and simple things that exist in our world and we lost our connection to them. Isayama made a story that most of it contains life struggles, we felt many times sadness and heartbroken while reading a chapter. The things that happen in his story and the experiences of his characters, are reflections of our reality and in each reflection, there is a part of us or a part of someone we know. Those reflections evoke to us the emotions from something that happened in our life, and we keep it in our memories. We too struggle in our reality, nowadays we are so busy dealing with problems and we mostly forget to observe and enjoy the beauty of the simplicity that surrounds us, because we are lost in worries and we are blinded by fake sights. I bet you can feel it too, you can see it too, how our daily life is filled mostly with problems, antagonism, people with fake personalities who cannot even understand their own selves, showing something that they are not. And the result? Spreading misconception which can lead to hatred, setting high standards, do bad actions only to offend other people and see their downfall. That is something that happens too in the story of Attack on Titan, we see reflections of our reality. A human is not born to be lost in the worries and heaviness of a cruel world, which is something that has been created by his own actions. A human is born to connect to life, create, daydream, philosophize and feel its completeness in his/her journey. When Armin held that leaf and then the baseball, he said while showing it to Zeke: “To my eyes, even if there's no need for something like this in order to multiply, it's still something incredibly precious.” And Zeke said: “It doesn't mean a thing but.. you are right.” Reading this part, I can only think of how it is also in our reality, how some people became pragmatists-realists to the point as if they are paralyzed in their own thoughts and cannot allow themselves see and feel the simple beauties in life, feel fondness towards something. Some people cannot understand someone's fondness-affection towards some things. They believe that some things we love, are meaningless, because they don't have a specific purpose in life, rather than just being lifeless objects. You can see it every day around you, each one of us has different interests, different passions, some people may even ask you about the things you love and cannot understand why you love them so much. Regarding the things I love, these are some of the questions I've been asked and not only from people I don't know that much but from people who are very close to me: “Why do you buy all this merch?” ”Why would you spend so much money for these stuff?” “Why are you so obsessed with this anime-character?” “Why do people give you their money, to draw them a fictional character?” “It's funny how you people get so obsessed with these things, why do they even pay you to draw something that is not based in real life people or events? Let me bring you back to reality, they don't exist, there's no meaning to it.” To each one of these questions, the answer is: “Because in every part of these things, are memories and memories evoke emotions." and it's also the opposite, there are emotions that evoke memories. There are some things that people fail to understand, even if they think they do and still they believe that the things we love are meaningless, in reality they are not. A memory is evoked by emotions that are connected to something that happened in our life. Be it a story, a fictional character, an object, an image, these things can connect us to those memories, those emotions that we once felt and to life in general. This is why we love owning some things and are passionate about them, because we see a part of ourselves, they make us feel comfortable, they remind us beautiful memories and emotions, simply they give us life. Nothing is meaningless, no matter if some people cannot understand some things, the emotions that are being evoked through the things we love, will always be personal, not everyone is able to understand them completely and we don't always have to explain to them, simply because they are personal, only we are able understand them deeply. Those who have been following me throughout the years, you may remember some of my comments or talking on livestreams regarding this story, that the reasons for being so passionate with AoT and feeling so attached to it, are reasons so deep and personal. Armin describes his memories, about enjoying the simplicity in life and when describing those moments, he feels peaceful. We often recall memories that evoke a nostalgic feeling about the good old days and somehow, even for a moment, we feel as if we are there living that moment again and we feel peaceful and complete. Those are the moments that connect us in life. As Armin describes some of his beautiful memories and thoughts to Zeke, I want also to describe to you some of mine. Memories that I keep remembering and still cling to them. Some of the memories I keep remembering, are the days I've spent in nature when I was younger, my first house was right in front of the sea, so daily I used to play around the shore and on the other side of the sea, was visible mount Olympus. What a beautiful sight it was. There was a small harbor close to my house and I remember we dived there with the other kids from the village to take out the starfish that were laying on the harbor, we brought them out to the shore and we observed how they were moving their legs and slowly went back to the sea. As Zeke misses and feels about Ksaver, that's how I feel about my grandfather, I remember how I walked with him and his two dogs in a beautiful forest that was close to his house, and specifically I remember the image of a path we walked deep inside the forest. The image of sunlight falling among the branches still frames my thoughts so clearly. I really miss him and those moments, I even saw these memories in my dreams. It felt like I was living it again. Another memory of a village I used to visit, which is among mountains, we used to climb on the mountain's slopes with some kids and we had a specific spot of a rock that was very slippery. We called it “the slide” it was our playground. As Armin remembers that sweet warm breeze, I can also remember that chilly breeze of those moments in the mountain and the sight of its wild nature. I sure cannot forget these memories. Every time I think of them, I feel peaceful, moments so simple yet they make me feel complete, because I was completely connected with life. I remember someone asked me a question on one of my IG livestreams: “What is inspiring you? How do you convey your inspiration into art?” and here also, with this chapter Isayama completes my answer to this question: I said that, anywhere I go, be it for a walk, travel somewhere, even when I just have to go to work, from the moment I step out, I observe everything around me. I don't like to look down as I walk, if I do, it will be only because I am lost to some thoughts that take me to another place. I always observe the things around me, observe the sky and its colors, the clouds and the sunlight, the birds flying, I observe the flowers how they dance in the breeze, I will catch a glimpse of the gaze from the person walking past next to me, sometimes I see beautiful sad gazes, sometimes bright ones, sometimes a smile, it's as if I live in my own world and I see everything in a cinematic view. I love observing, and I love to see things beyond of what I observe, I love trying to understand the deeper part of what I see. And all these emotions along with personal experiences, make me create worlds in my mind that I convey into art. I guess this is why I am so passionate about this story, because it completes my complex thoughts. When Zeke says “So I suppose, I'll thank you. Dad..” to Grisha, it's like what we are used to say regarding some of the hardships that we've been through. That no matter how rough some of our experiences have been, in the end, these experiences made us who we are now and made us stronger. We saw and understood a different part and meaning in life. If Zeke wouldn't have been through those hardships from Grisha, he wouldn't have met and have those precious moments with Ksaver. Although, sometimes we wish that it would be preferable not to have been through these hard times, but still, isn't it somehow a magical thing that we are able to feel such deep emotions that were evoked through hardships? A human is made and is capable to withstand all the hardships of the world. This is also a part of life, to be able to understand its different perspectives, both good and bad ones. These moments and memories give me joy, and I want to continue to create more beautiful memories, even if there will be sad ones too and even if I've been through really tough hardships so far, I still want to feel its completeness. Which beautiful memories and experiences, are the ones that you keep remembering, have the nostalgia to go back to and live them again? The ones you think about, are the ones that prove that you were truly connected to life. Thank you for reading my thoughts.

#attack on titan #aot137 analysis #armin arlert #zeke yeager #snk #my thoughts

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carolsideblog · 3 years

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Undiagnosed Autism in Adults | Being Shamed for Special Interests

What is a Special Interest?

I’m 27 and I have autism.

Therefore, I have special interests. Generally speaking, in the context of the autistic spectrum disorder, a special interest is... just genuinely hard for me to describe or explain? Here are some links with definitions of special interests.

Autism Fandom Wikia

Ambitious About Autism

Amythest Schaber - Ask an Autistic, What are Special Interests?

Purple Ella - Autism & Special Interests

... long post ahead / cw for cussing and swearinig ...

The Comfort of my Special Interests

My special interests are things that I’m deeply passionate about and something that I latch onto, almost as a coping mechanism. I have a variety of special interests that shift in and out of focus through out the months in a year, but I could prattle on and ON AND ON for HOURS about any of them.

When I’m immersed in my current favorite special interest, I am over the moon. I feel productive, the world makes sense, I feel like my life makes sense, and I can calm down faster from a stressful, overwhelming day.

Adulthood and the Expectations of Neurotypicals

But in adulthood, it’s generally not seen as a mature thing for an old woman in her twenties to STILL be fucking talking about “dumb shit.” Shit that’s “bad,” shit that’s “problematic,” or shit that’s not for “my age group.”

I don’t fucking know what women in their late twenties are supposed to do. I’m not a sensible enough of an adult to know.

I also know very well that my shit is problematic, bad, and/or not for my age group. I probably researched 5 hours straight on my special interest for nearly a month when I discovered it. I know books, games and movies that I’ve taken a shine to forwards and backwards, I know deep-cut fandom jokes in different things I like, I know who created what and when.

But this isn’t impressive to anyone. To the rest of neurotypical society, one needs to have a bunch of light hearted little hobbies that you can switch too whenever you want because that’s “healthy.” It’s “not healthy” whatsoever (apparently) to STILL be talking about something that I love, because I’m an adult and I should have hobbies and I should have a job filing away things and writing data in spreadsheets like a good little working woman.

Or whatever, I don’t know.

Guilt, Shame and Stigma

I just... don’t understand why people shame people for the things that bring them joy, even if the things that bring them joy are objectively poor quality or badly made. The things I love make me happy, and they make me happy for lots of different reasons.

Some reasons include...

It was close to my childhood and I have a strong attachment to it

It was the lifeline I clung onto when I was going through a rough part of my life and the memories I have of it bring me comfort

I felt proud investing time in researching information, collecting memorabilia, and becoming an “expert” in that special interest

To me, my special interests were so important to my ability to cope, it got to the point where some parts of them became almost like an addition to my identity; my special interests are part of who I am and how I navigate the world. It might come from not really having a strong sense of self in the first place, I don’t know.

So when people scold me for still talking about my special interests, or make passive aggressive, off-hand comments about my special interests, or when they’re even out-right criticizing my special interests, (”It’s a bad book, it’s a bad game, the movie sucks,”)

Even if I know they’re right, it feels like an attack on me. It feels like they’re scolding me for liking the things I like. It feels like they’re criticizing me for liking something bad. It feels like they’re being passive aggressive and unfair because they don’t like me.

Rationally and logically I know this isn’t true. But it still feels like an emotional punch in the gut. It still feels like people are policing what I should and shouldn’t like. And it pisses me off and makes me ruminate.

An Open Letter to Neurotypicals

Hello, ally.

Life is hard. You and I both know that. But thankfully, there are loads of things in this world that can bring us joy. We have lots of things to keep us entertained, to socialize over, and to be passionate about.

But I get it: someone in your life keeps talking about that one thing all the time. Maybe you’re tired, maybe you’ve heard so much about this thing before, you’ve had enough or got bored. I dunno? But you’re tank is empty and you need a break, and that’s fair.

If for whatever reason your friend won’t shut up about something they really seem to love and it makes them happy... Be nice about it I guess?

If I could say anything to any neurotypical that I’ve spoken too in my lifetime right now, it’s this: be frank, honest, and straightforward. Don’t beat around the bush and don’t “drop hints.” Don’t always rely on people figuring it out for themselves. Just because things might come naturally to you doesn’t mean those same things come naturally to others. And this is okay, I only ask that you communicate clearly and honestly when you can.

If a topic is getting tiresome to you and you need a break, just tell them. Most of the time, it will be fine. When you’re up for it and wondering about a hobby or interest that someone told you about, bring it up with them again. It might brighten their day.

You don’t have to participate in the special interest of a friend if you don’t want too. Just be there for your friends, lend an ear if you can, and be supportive.

An Open Letter to the Neurodiverse

Hello, friend.

Don’t let people get you down about your special interests. If there’s something in this world that makes you passionate, that keeps you up at night because you’re so excited, that makes you rush to wake up because you want to do your Favorite Thing in the Entire World™, then please keep embracing that thing.

It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t fit the standards of neurotypicals. You don’t have to please people. If people are giving you a hard time because something makes you happy??? They’re probably not the right people to be around anyway. Someone in your life just kinda humoring you and you wish you had more? Same! But it’s okay. People who love you are listening as best they can, but please, I promise you if you keep looking, you will find your like-minded people and you will be able to find people to talk about your passions with.

If it makes you happy, if it brings you joy, if it brings you comfort, please don’t let that go if people keep nagging you for it. You have no reason to feel guilty or ashamed for something that helps you cope, that keeps you grounded, that makes you happy.

Also know that as much love and joy and comfort that your special interest gives you... remember you are still a whole entire person. You can wear your special interest as apart of you if you feel that brings you the most honest and genuine comfort and joy, but just remember that you don’t need to be limited to just this one thing. You have full permission to also be anything else you want to be in addition to this special interest. This is not to scold or shame you, but this is to remind you that you are a valid, whole person, and you are allowed to transform however you want too.

Closing Ramblings and Musings

I’ve been really bothered by this.

Like I’ve been thinking about this a lot, on again and off again, since November.

Through out my life, people have made lots of comments about my hobbies and the things I like. Most of them negative.

From the music I like to listen too, the bands and groups I follow, to the books I loved to read, to the movies I like to watch, to the games I love to play. I have my own genuine criticism and critiques that I have for a variety of things that fall under my special interests. I’m passionate and thorough with my feedback because I love all of my special interests so much, and I know they could be better.

I have a lot of complex feelings and a lot of things to reconcile with my special interests. It’s so hard to grow up and start to learn and realize how... bad they are all. How problematic some are, how poor quality or laughably simple they all are. I can give you all of my different reasons for why I like them and I could tell you all day about how I know they’re all bad... but I know some of the things I love are just laughing stocks and punching bags in pop culture to the neurotypical society.

But I can’t just let them go. That’s what I couldn’t stop thinking about in November and December. I really just couldn’t let these things go. For personal reasons, for nostalgia reasons, for coping reasons. I love these things. And I carry a lot of guilt and frustration with myself because I can’t let these things go. I can’t just switch to new fandoms, new books, new movies, new groups. At least, maybe not yet. I don’t know.

I just don’t know. I want to reclaim the parts I love but I know that It’s not a real solution. There’s such a major divide between the special interests I love and what I actually believe in and stand for. They directly conflict with each other and it’s frustrating and complicated.

I really don’t know how to close this post, to be honest. This post won’t solve the problem I have. It won’t explain to the people who scolded me for my special interest, it won’t make them understand or forgive me about why I keep talking about a stupid book with a bad premise, it won’t make them understand why I have “bad taste” or why a 27 year old woman won’t shut up about something largely assumed “meant for kids.”

This was just to vent and maybe lend hope to people feel the same way or have the same struggles.

#autism #special interests #autism special interest #neurodiversity #neurodivergence #rant #guilt #frustration #stigma #adults with autism #autistic adults #autistic blogger #female autism #autistic woman

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k-rising · 4 years

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Jaehyun's birth chart analysis

DISCLAIMER: This is just a part of the analysis of the idol’s natal chart, which wants to show a deeper perspective on the idols life. This analysis is carried out thanks to the data that appears in the birth chart. These are my interpretations of the signs and how they work based on my experiences with them. Everyone has different opinions and all interpretation and experiences within is valid. The point of this post is to entertain. [This idol has confirmed his birth time].

Pisces Rising

jaehyun goes with the flow

an a r t i s t

lover of peace

OPEN MINDED

he can be quiet and shy one day and the next one he’s VERY talkative and passionate

soft personality

sees the world the way he wants to see it

making decisions isn’t his strong point tbh

avoids cold, hard facts and harsh realities

doesn’t like organization or structure

heads in the clouds 24/7

has an irresistible charm that comes in a quiet way

SOFT AURA

both his appearance and mannerisms are usually quite intriguing to people

Aquarius Sun (12th house)

again… OPEN MINDED

values personal freedom !!

any attempt to box him in will fail, tho

VERY STUBBORN

VERY fixed in his opinions

jaehyun is curious

observant

doesn’t like when people are prejudice and bias

very clever

witty

values frankness

he’ll try to encourage his friends to be open and forthright

will treat people equally

being an aquarius makes him quirky and "different”

he also likes having friends who are like that!

tends to avoid the spotlight

even though he’s a public figure, he’ll try to hide his true self

shines when he serves others in some way

Square between Sun and Moon

jaehyun has an internal struggle between his needs and his wants :(

is VERY indecisive

questions himself often

he’s always aware of the opposing point of view

Opposition between Sun and Lilith

there’s a self-destructive side to him that should be managed by confronting his fears

Taurus Moon (2nd house)

calm

familiarity is important in this position !!

building a solid and comfortable home helps him to feel safe

DON’T TRY TO PUSH JAEHYUN INTO DOING SOMETHING HE DOESN’T WANT

STEADINESS

as I said before, tends to avoid messy or unpredictable situations, crises, and emotional displays

focusses on creating a reliable and secure life around him

VERY ROMANTIC

his affections are strong and deep

he’s sentimental and warm

tends to protect himself and his own interests

jaehyun will rarely make a move without first determining that the other person feels the same way about him

it takes A LOT to really get to him

he isn’t the most adaptable person when his routine is interrupted

his needs are strong but quite simple at the same time

LOVES LUXURY !!!

jaehyun is loyal and capable

might hold onto people quite tightly

often looking for admiration

can be quite dependent on others for positive feedback

tends to hold back and wait before expressing himself

Square between Moon and Venus

his romantic desires and his emotional needs tend to create tension

he may not know what he wants

uncomfortable with emotions

Trine between Moon and Neptune

good at working with groups

perceived as mysterious and glamorous

very imaginative

may have a victim complex

Aquarius Mercury (12th house)

has a quiet way of stirring others up

very quick to contradict others

offers a different perspective

enjoys intellectual debates

likes practical jokes

raising eyebrows is an habit for this placement too, tho ;)

very fair and objective

jaehyun may have difficulty expressing himself

he doesn’t talk much

speaks when he’s in the mood to do it

discrete

philosophical

he might be an excellent confidante

keeps secrets very well

prefers not to focus on facts

learn best when ideas are presented visually, emotionally or imaginatively

learning to communicate clearly is a challenge for jaehyun

this could help him to end his feelings of guilt, of being misunderstood, and to attracting unpleasant situations

Conjunction between Mercury and Venus

looks on the bright side of life

optimistic

likes beauty, art, travelling

good at talking

he's also good at charming others

Trine between Mercury and Mars

likes debates

has good judgment

very determined

has lots of energy when it comes to work

Conjunction between Mercury and Jupiter

has big ideas

is tolerant

has a strong sense of justice

he also has good judgement

enjoys literature and learning

will be successful socially

Sextile between Mercury and Saturn

is precise or strives to be mentally organized

has the patience to work towards a goal slowly but surely

Conjunction between Mercury and Uranus

perspicacious

ingenious

spontaneous in his friendships

knows how to turn situations around positively

Aquarius Venus (12th house)

he wants people to see him as unique, rebellious and a little provocative ;)

jaehyun is attractive when he’s acting a little aloof, tho

attracted to unusual or unconventional relationships

can appear quite standoffish at times

is threatened by restrictions of any kind

emotional people may be put off by his detached manner in love

he wants people to love him for his intellect !!

jaehyn values lovers who’re also good friends

pleasing jaehyun involves letting him know how interesting he is

he’s very proud of his unique ideas and visions

his partner has to dream along with him

even though he likes being in a relationship, jaehyun also needs his own space

he may have secret love affairs :0

it’s difficult for him to defining his boundaries tbh

but he can get hurt in love rather easily

can also feel used

attracted to people from all walks of life

finds attractive a person who has an unusual background or quirky personality

being openly affectionate and trusting others doesn't seem safe to him at all

jaehyun may feel his love won't be appreciated or it won’t be reciprocated

maybe he has fallen in love with many people who are quite unavailable to him

love and sacrifice is SO important for him

he values self-sacrifice and a giving attitude in a partner

jaehyun can be quite mysterious to people, because he keeps his romantic needs hidden

he isn't punishing himself, it's just that he doesn't feel worthy to be in a public relationship

Trine between Venus and Mars

jaehyun is a PASSIONATE lover

has a strong temperament

is driven by connection and enjoying each other's company

Conjunction between Venus and Jupiter

has good relations with his social circle

jaehyun may fall in love easily

he has a successful professional life :’)

people usually trust him

Conjunction between Venus and Uranus

again, scared of losing his liberty

marriage may not be for him

jaehyun has that little something that attracts others, tho

even though he’s romantic, he’s also a little detached or unpredictable

jaehyun can see through insincerity in others

in relationships, tolerance is the most important thing to him

his sexual preferences can be quite unconventional too

long-distance relationships might attract him

Libra Mars (7th house)

reflects about things before he acts

defends himself and others

has the need to balance everything !!

jaehyun always play innocent when he’s challenged

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE

he doesn't want to be mean or unfair

he’s great at solving conflicts

he might like being dominant not only at work, but also in his relationships

there’s also a tendency to take other people’s actions too personally

having a partner makes him feel sure of who he is

jaehyun wants things to be reciprocate

Trine between Mars and Jupiter

jaehyun is jovial, frank and sincere

HE LIKES SPORTS AND DOING OUTDOORS ACTIVITIES

he may have many children or projects and ventures :)

he doesn’t think about failing, even though success isn’t as important to him as enjoyment and happiness

SO COMPETITIVE

Opposition between Mars and Saturn

jaehyun is often attracted to doing something if there are problems attached

likes to overcome obstacles

Trine between Mars and Uranus

impulsive but bold

very open to new methods and different ways of doing things

Trine between Mars and Neptune

his feelings are dominated by wisdom and intuition

likes odd people

can often use a gentle approach to pursuing his desires

Sextile between Mars and Pluto

AMBITIOUS

has a great capacity for work

will stick out with his plans to the end

committed and determined

possibly impatient when his members do things only halfway or half-heartedly

generally confident about his own talents

persistent when pursuing a goal

Aquarius Jupiter (11th house)

attracts good fortune when he is tolerant, fair, impartial and cooperative

wants to show unique perspective or skills

Conjunction between Jupiter and Uranus

he quickly sizes up a situation and knows what's going on at a glance

Aries Saturn (1st house)

he must learn to develop self-confidence

jaehyun can be self-conscious in new situations, especially when young

first reactions to new ideas or plans are somewhat negative

doesn’t speak too much

he doesn’t waste energy unnecessarily

GOOD MEMORY

Aquarius Uranus (11th house)

may get over excited at the start of a task that interests him

his friends can be extravagant, original and intellectual

Sextile between Uranus and Pluto

brings transformation and change into other people's lives

enters others lives unexpectedly and makes an impact

has a creative mind

Capricorn Neptune (11th house)

wants to belong to a group of like-minded people or to connect with a higher purpose

Sagittarius Pluto (9th house)

sexuality and love are idealized

Leo Lilith

VERY provocative, captivating and sexually appealing

jaehyun can get impatient when his needs aren’t satisfied

he may have felt bad for wanting attention or for seeking to be better than others

Virgo North Node (7th house)

his challenge in life is to be proactive and live an orderly and practical life

developing and following healthy and practical routines

needs to develop organization, promptness and pay attention to details

𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨 𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐭

likes a partner who has a wry sense of humor

someone who seems organized and analytical

his s/o may bring him an element of groundedness that migh seem attractive for jaehyun

𝐒𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐂

unique

jaehyun wants a career that allows him to express his individuality and independence

capable of making a mark on his job

always ready to absorb new knowledge

enjoys exploring new ideas

𝐆𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐈𝐂

he might like talking to himself a lot

enjoys stimulating conversations with people who are close to him

jaehyun also seeks for mental activities to busy himself with

𝐀𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐮𝐦 (𝟏𝟐𝐭𝐡)

aquarius are known for being social, but with his 12th house stellium it makes him an introvert person

likes isolation

he can also have a pretty short fuse for dealing with people, tho

very sociable, but will isolate himself later

very chill on the exterior, but irritated on the inside

when he gets annoyed you will notice it

might have issues with embracing his emotions

doesn't like talking about how he really feels

tends to rationalize everything !!!

sooooo talented

loves music and arts so much

it takes a long time to fall in love, because he sees everyone in a friendly way

ones he finds the perfect lover, jaehyun will commit

humanitarian

#jaehyun #jung jaehyun #nct #nct 127 #jaehyun astrology #nct astrology #nct 127 astrology #jaehyun analysis #nct analysis #nct 127 analysis

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wendydarling1400 · 3 years

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JANE EYRE: INFP

Fi:

Jane Eyre, throughout the novel is completely devoted to her principles and beliefs. Although quiet and isolated Jane is not afraid to express her true opinion and judgments. When she observes Mr Rochester alienating Adele she gently teaches him that Adele should be treated with respect; Jane shows that she has strong empathy and will not accept people talking down to children “Adele is not answerable for either her Mother’s faults or yours (...) forsaken by her Mother and disowned by you, I shall cling closer to her than before”; Jane is stubborn and unmoving in her moral judgments in which she pulls from her internal beliefs (this is evident in the fact that these views are deeply against the social norms of the time). As Jane moves from place to place the things she clings to is her sense of self and her determination to be happy with her moral actions, this brings her great comfort in her circumstances “I can live alone if self-respect and circumstances require me to do so”; Jane leaves Thornfield on the pretence that she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she were to stay and be tempted into living a bigamous marriage. Mr Rochester recognises that Jane is innocent and “untainted” leading him to ask Jane continuously if the actions he has taken are morally right to which Jane happily and honestly gives advice “you would in time find it possible to become what you yourself would approve”.Although Jane expresses to the reader that she loves Mr Rochester “while I breathe and think, I must love him” and is completely loyal to him, she will not act immorally for him “I like to serve you in all that is right” again proving that her principles are the most important thing to her and that she constantly evaluates things from an Fi perspective. Jane longs for love and affection which is what makes following her principles even harder as they often cost her the gateway to that in which she is seeking “to the crib I took my doll. Human beings must love something.”

Ne:

After establishing her principles and gaining all she feels she can from Lowood, Jane decides to move on. Although Jane is in search of a place or someone she belongs to, she easily becomes bored with the mundane and longs for deeper conversations and interactions finding Miss Fairfax, though kind, does not satisfy Jane in this way. Jane is intrigued and drawn in by Helen Burns and Miss Temples conversions as they discuss the bigger picture, she sees this as meaningful and interesting. Jane attaches herself quickly to Helen who is at first not particularly welcoming to Jane “you ask too many questions, I want to get back to my book” although this interaction could have put Jane off, she enjoys Helen’s insights and wisdom “Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs”; Helen is wise and unlike other people around her, she talks about deeper matters of life in which Jane asks many questions about and seemingly absorbs the answers to (her Ne feeds her Fi); it is clear that many of Helen’s teachings are absorbed by Jane and brought into later life. Jane’s Ne lives for the excitement of deeper conversation and a thirst for diving into multiple hobbies including, painting, writing and playing the piano. It is this saviour function that ironically actually works as a saviour for Jane in her life, as a child she is told that she has ‘bad blood’ due to her emotional responses but her Ne and openness to new information (Helen and her teachings) transforms Jane into a principled and responsible young woman. In Mr Rochester Jane finds another person who enjoys deeper topics of conversation, he is also out of the box and strange, before Mr Rochester returned to Thornfield (before they met) she begins to find as months move pass by that she is becoming restless and again thinks of finding herself a new situation. However it is Mr Rochester and his company who keeps her at Thornfield. Jane also possesses a vivid imagination as she constantly invisions ghostly experiences in Gateshead, down the path whilst posting a letter (Gytrash), and most obviously at Thornfield hall; she expresses that as a child she only enjoyed reading stories about “fairies” and “genii”, and in later life is constantly told by Mr Rochester that she is like numerous different fairytale creatures and that she is“Unearthly.”

Si:

Sentimental and comfort seeking, Jane moves from place to place in search for a home and love. Jane consistently looks back over the past romanticising elements and also feeling upset over others. Though the book has to recollect her past, Jane has very strong feelings and statements to make regarding it. Jane reviews her past deeply and, remembers in great detail how she categorised each person and event she encountered. Jane has a Fi-Si loop which pulls her back in her personal journey; she has at times an unhealthy look on the past as she jumpes from one extreme view on the past to the other (pain and romanticism). After meeting the aristocratic group in which Mr Rochester brings to Thornfield one of the women automatically reminds Jane of Mrs Reed, Jane begins to sink into some of her past experiences of Mrs Reed and then forms somewhat of a disliking for the woman because she looks like her. When Jane returns to Gateshead to see Mrs Reed, memories flood back hitting her hard showing the power that Jane’s Si holds over her hitting her Fi at times very harshly. Obviously, we can all have bad memories but Jane is strongly guided by them and refers back to them many a time throughout her life, sometimes strongly living in the past “Old times crowded fast back on me”; “the inanimate objects were not changed; but the living things had altered past recognition” Jane clearly remembers Gateshead vividly as she travels back there in her mind frequently. It is clear that Jane’s Fi is strongly attached to her Si and is sometimes fed negative thoughts “I did not need directions to the well-known room, to which I had so often been summoned for chastisement in former days”; “the recollection of childhood terrors and sorrows revived”. Even the physical places in which Jane lives mean a lot to her as she categorises each place as a new stepping stone in her life.

Te:

Jane has a quiet and gentle nature however at moments during the novel her Te shows in a direct and passionate way; when Mr Rochester first talks about sending Jane off to a new place/situation, Jane quietly digests it trying not to show her grief, but over time Jane feels she cannot hold in her emotions anymore and speaks directly to Mr Rochester in an effort to get her views across which she had previously kept to herself “Do you think because I am poor, obscure, plain and little that I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong! - I have as much soul as you - and full as much heart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you." Mr Rochester is shocked by this side of Jane as it is rarely shown. Jane also speaks to the ‘gypsy lady’ directly as the interview she conducts feels uncomfortable, making Jane feel on edge and as a result she has a sharper tongue than usual “ ‘Why do you not consult my art?’ ‘because I am not silly.’ (...) “‘You are cold and you are silly’ ‘prove it’; Jane is more blunt and short when put on the spot by someone who is trying to read her deep emotions; making her defensive.

Hufflepuff:

One of Jane’s main traits is loyalty, she is loyal in many ways; Jane is loyal to her principles sticking to them strictly, she is loyal to Helen and her guidance, and she is most obviously loyal to Mr Rochester. Jane has no idea what Mr Rochester’s big secret is and doesn’t try to force it out of him or investigate herself (by perhaps going up to the tower), instead she trusts him and does whatever she can to serve him as a friend; “Can I help you, sir? - I’d give anything to serve you”, Jane earns the trust of Mr Rochester very quickly despite the fact that he is deeply secretive, as he sees that Jane is loyal and honest and would keep his secrets not wishing to harm him “ ‘my little friend!’ Said he, ‘I wish I were on a quiet island with only you” Mr Rochester knows that Jane does not easily judge or cast aside people and that if everyone else around him were to hate him, she would not. Jane is forgiving, even though she feels great sorrow in regard to Mrs Reed she forgives her “a strong yearning to forget and forgive all injuries- to be reconciled and clasp hands with amity” this shows that Jane is caring and not prideful or bitter, she has true Hufflepuff traits (wanting peace and harmony). As Well as this Jane is also hugely modest and uncompetitive in nature “I will do my best; it is a pity that doing one’s best does not always answer”; “If he expects me to talk for the sake of talking and showing off, he will find he has addressed himself to the wrong person”, Jane is disinterested in gossip and being boastful and competitive, when Jane and Mr Rochester plan to get married Jane refuses to have anything big and over the top wanting only the simple things in life, the simple things strongly include love for Jane; “There is no happiness like that of being loved by your fellow-creatures, and feeling that your presence is an addition to their comfort”. When she learns that her uncle died and left her a huge sum of money, Jane’s initial reaction was sadness as she had never met her uncle, and not excitement towards the money that would mean a different life for her. Jane holds love above everything else. Jane is a Hufflepuff because she values, loyalty, kindness, modesty, fair-play and hard-work.

-WendyDarling1400

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spiritpriestess · 4 years

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✨ Energy work basics ✨

In this post I’m going to summarize what I know about energy and energy work that I learned over the years. Do keep in mind that these are my own beliefs, thoughts and are based on my personal experiences as well as picked up from other people and authors who teach energy work, so this isn’t a “This is how it is” guide but more so a sharing of my knowledge and practice and to help you get started on the journey of energy work.

This post will be separated into different parts that I'll link at the end of each post once they're done. So without further ado, let's get into this ✨

So, what is energy?

Everything in this universe has a vibration, and that emits a specific kind of frequency. That frequency is the object’s (or plant’s, animal’s or person’s) own energy. Now, since we come into contact with all kinds of things, our energies mingle and take on other frequencies, so many times an object’s energy is mixed and may be difficult to tap into its own vibration; that’s why regular cleansing is important. With practice of course, it'll become easier to sense the 'original' energy of something.

We like to attach meanings and correspondences to things (especially in witchcraft) and the understanding of energy in general and that of a specific object (a plant for example) can help us understand the attached meanings more. But, since we're all different and many items have many meanings, we find that we may not resonate with some of them, or at all. This is where the understanding and practice of energy work can be of great help. This way, you can tap into the energy and power of this item and build a personal relationship with it, knowing what it means specifically for you - and in doing so amplifying its power.

So, for example, you'd use mint in a spell because apparently it's for good luck, but then you spend time with it and understand its energy and realize that it has a grounding effect on you rather than giving you a feeling of good luck. So now, you'd use mint for grounding and notice how much better it works for you than for luck.

Ways to feel energy

✨ Palms facing each other

I’m sure many of you already know of this simple technique but I’d say this is one of the most effective ones I’ve encountered so far.

How you do it is you rub your hands together a little to wake your hands up and create some heat (heat is also energy). Then have them face each other, first around 30-40 cms apart and slowly, with a bouncing motion get them closer and closer to each other. At this point you might feel the heat, some buzzing, tickling or electric kind of sensations as well as maybe even see the energy get dense between your palms (this is also how you create an energy ball). It’s okay if you don’t, it may take some time to wake up those energy feeling muscles, but with practice, you will feel it.

✨ Holding an object (a rock or crystal, your favorite book, your childhood plush toy etc):

-Take a few deep breaths with your eyes closed to center your energy and clear your mind of unnecessary clutter. Then take your object into your hand. Feel free to do this with eyes closed or open, whichever feels more effective to you, although you’ll only know if you try both ways multiple times. You can move the object around in your palms, squeeze it or close your hand around it; or, you can just keep it still in your palm. Keep breathing while putting your focus on the object.

-How does it make you feel? Do you feel any physical sensations? Is it warm or cold, does it maybe tickle your palm? Do you see any images, colors or shapes? Do you hear anything? *side note, the way you most strongly and effectively feel energy is an indicator of your strongest claire ability

Keep playing with it until you sense anything or until you get bored, but if you don’t receive anything for 5 or more minutes, I suggest putting it aside and choosing another object. It’s easier to feel an object that has a lot of energy and feeling attached to it, for example an engagement ring, your favorite childhood toy or anything that you wouldn’t throw out even if you couldn’t use it anymore and just takes up space.

Gather a few objects that you’ll be practicing with and make it a routine to play with this and get a feel of their energies every day, if possible. It really only requires a couple of minutes. After a few days or a week, there will be improvement. I suggest journaling about your observations and experiences, so you have a reference to look back on and see how much you have improved in a few weeks and months.

✨ Your own, personal energy

-When you first try this, do it either in the morning before you come into contact with anyone, or after showering in the evening and meditating a little bit to cleanse yourself of other people’s energies. You could also do some smoke cleansing or any other type of cleansing that you prefer to clear your energy field.

-Then, close your eyes and take some deep breaths (2-3 is usually enough) before you reach a calm and comfortable breathing cycle. Focus on that for a little while, you can even count if that helps. Then, when you feel relaxed and mostly free of thoughts, put your focus (and your hands if you’d like) on either your heart center or solar plexus. Just gently focus on that area, picture their assigned color if you'd like (green for the heart, yellow/golden for the solar plexus); it helps to direct your attention specifically there. At this point you might feel something inside your heart, if you’re focused on that area. Or, if your hands are on it, they may be feeling something. You may also see something, perhaps a different color - (just because the heart chakra is said to be green, doesn’t mean you’ll see it that way, since here you’re actually focusing on your personal energy, not just your heart, and so it may have another color. For example, I always see my energy in my heart as a golden, shining ball of energy) -, an image or maybe even a memory. You may get certain emotions or thoughts, or hear words. Record all of these as well. Even if you didn’t get anything, it still wasn’t useless because first, you practiced, second, it’s a great centering exercise and you managed to squeeze a little meditation into your day, which is always a plus.

-Try to play with this every day, combine it with the other techniques or do just one for a few days and then another, however you’d like, the variations are endless (or well, maybe not endless because we only have a few exercises here but you get the point lol).

part 1

#energy work #witchcraft #energy #witchy

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ricinbach · 3 years

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mercy. | chapter 9 - ice

his stare bore cold daggers into your entire being.

The thudding footsteps echoed across the small dwelling that used to serve as an office to some professor. Slight clinks followed closely suit as your nimble fingers toyed with the chain, as well as the pendant attached to it.

"Why leave now, after all these years?" your voice trailed, sounding younger and somehow more hopeful, worn-out orbs moving across the room to match the pacing man's movements.

Seeing him back on the premises had been a sight for sore eyes - with more and more Infected brought in for tests and treating the injured fellows after military raids, rest had not been something that the Fireflies could afford to provide you. In that state of constant exhaustion to the brink of over-exertion, it made your heart warm to see yet another acquaintance you dared call friend, to know he was at least still alive.

Alive, but under what condition? Still walking fine and healthy, but under what circumstance? His rugged, tan features could only tell a mere interlude of the horrors he had seen over the years till he made it there, made it to your base. Yet, that time, he seemed to have an entirely different agenda in mind than to just have a quick tour.

"You tellin' me you don't wanna do the same?"

The strong rattle on your shoulders snapped you back to the cold hard reality.

"Tommy," you breathed out in a hoarse voice through gritted teeth, anger evident in your words. "Tell your brother to get the hell off of me."

But none could do. From your limited time with him, you had very well found out that Joel was an adamant man who concealed some sort of danger deep within him, and that was further proved in the way that he dragged you to a spare room in the settlement, with his little brother trying to keep commotion to a minimum under the watchful eyes of surrounding survivors. You hoped the little girl was safe and sound in this newfound base, with her father letting her to be taken care of by the blonde woman who had previously trained her sniper rifle on you. How he trusted them with her, people he had only seen for a minute who donned large guns, you did not have the faintest clue. Maybe it was just like the way he had trusted you to stand by Ellie's side to shield her.

Even if he had a sliver of trust for you in the past, he sure as hell had lost most of that now.

With your back instantly shoved against the concrete wall near the closed door sealing you in, Joel's large hands held your shoulders so firmly it hurt, his taller figure towering over you in a threatening stance - you had not been in such a position as to fight back, that is, if you did not want another bullet in you.

"Tommy," he would instead speak, as if echoing off of your previous words yet in much more of a low grumble. "How the hell do you know this woman?"

On the corner of your eye, you could spot the Tommy you used to know all those years ago, with his arms crossed. When his features appeared to be even more rugged than you had remembered from all those nights when he would plan out bombings with your allies, he still had the same spark in his eyes.

And a ring on his left hand.

After his departure, you thought you would never come across your old friend, it had pained you very much to lost another trustworthy person in a world full of cruelty - knowing the chances of survival for anyone were diminishing day by day.

He caught your eye, and to your surprise, his blue grays hosted some sort of apologetic look, then he would sigh audibly. Speaking in a somewhat assertive tone as he took a couple of tentative steps towards his brother, whose amber green eyes were locked into yours in a daunting stare. Even he looked to be some sort of afraid to see what his older brother was capable of.

"Let her go, Joel, let's just sit down and talk."

God, of all the brothers to get acquainted to, you cursed your faith that you stumbled on one of the most dangerous and problematic pair. Joel paid little attention to the pleas and words, instead his gaze diverted to the pocket of your dirty cargo pants - from which dangled the end of a certain beaded chain. Following his stare and realizing just what he had been looking at, your jaw was clenched and you muttered a fuck under your breath for your carelessness.

His jaw tight under the peppered beard that managed to hide most of his emotion, his fingers would slide the pendant out from your pocket, the metal circle resting in his palm for a split second before he released you with an angry huff - to your partial relief.

"Jesus Christ," he would exclaim part in disbelief as he tossed the pendant on the table in the middle of the room with a forceful clink, walking off to face the opaque windows, in his own attempt to cool off. It had been a lot to take in - after all, you were associated with the damned organization he had been searching for all those weeks, unbeknownst to you. A lot of questions burned through his mind - one of them screamed at him in particular. Why the hell did he care so much about your supposed affiliation with his brother's ex-militia group? Was it because you had known his brother? Or maybe it was the fact that he slowly uncovered secrets that made you, after taking you with him to pay your debts without knowing anything about you but your damned name. The ones he was looking for had been right under his nose and it made him feel some sort of complicated emotion akin to betrayal that he only found out then.

His thoughts came to a halt when he remembered how you murdered the two Firefly stragglers in pure cold blood. Two of your own, completely slaughtered to serve your means, without glancing back.

"Alright now, c'mon," Tommy would mutter, walking over to help you to a chair as soon as the giant of a man left you alone, heaving for air against the wall with venom in your eyes.

What the hell did Joel want from you? As far as you had been concerned, you were dragged into this mess simply because the bastard wanted to play his good samaritan card on you, out of all people. Injured and weak, you had done everything in your physical and mental capability to accompany the duo to their destination - and succeeded. Partially out of fear that he might leave you stranded if you did not honor your debt of life, and partially out of the sheer remnants of loyalty in your soul - no matter what, you had honored your end of the deal.

Fireflies had been scattered around the country for prying eyes to find - it did not make any sort of sense into you why the man who did not want you around in the first place, was so damn concerned about you being one of them.

A hand instinctively rubbing your shoulder, as if to erase the hard touch of his, you would look up to meet Tommy’s eyes in an appreciative manner, from your lower position of sitting on the plastic chair. “Been too long. How you been holdin’ up?” you asked, still in shock that you came across your long-lost friend with your gaze drifting to the previously enraged Joel, now looking deep in thought with his hand stroking his beard.

Tommy would nod, silently stating he had been just fine with the soft look he gave you, his watchful gaze mirroring yours as it landed on his brother.

How long had they been apart? It was in the less-visited parts of your memories that Tommy mentioned anything about what life used to be like for him, during the days where you would patrol together across the university - you recalled he had a brother yet their relationship had been somewhat lost, and you knew better than to pry any deeper into it. Memories had teeth that could sink right into your fragile skin if you had not been careful enough, everyone lucky enough to survive that long had realized that. You never could have thought your lack of knowledge could bite you back like this.

It seemed that the taller, darker and definitely the more aggressive brother had grown somewhat calmer, which in his book meant that he was not shoving you against the wall for the time being, as he turned around to face the two of the ex-Fireflies. It had been an ironic scene, really, and he would not know whether to laugh at his luck or to downright punch someone at the lack of it, upon stumbling onto his dear baby brother only for him to know the woman he had rescued, now sitting close as if united against him.

A hand on his hip as he huffed audibly, the sound echoing off of the cement walls in the uncomfortable silence, shifting his broad shoulders and taking a seat across the two. Above all he had been, let it be a reckless hunter to a loving father, Joel had always been the practical man, thinking straight to the point to get the job done with whatever it took. And the rambling thoughts in his mind only led him to one exit - his sole objective that he had been busting his ass to accomplish, something that gave him a sense of responsibility above any emotion. To get the girl safely to the Fireflies, to deliver the faith of the entire human race at the hands of people who actually could help, with him merely the carrier to an end.

What better way to reach the Fireflies than to ask two of their own?

"I'm gonna cut it right to the chase," that dangerously low voice started, darkened amber eyes looking up to meet his brother's gray ones. "I need a favor, Tommy. Been searchin' across the country and only you can help me."

Adjusting the rifle on his back, "Alright. Let's hear it then."

"It's got to do with that little girl."

To the mention of her, you would finally look up to Joel, your gaze torn from the pendant that reflected the stray light, making your name shine.

Then, came the result of one of the hardest decisions Joel had to make in the near past - trusting you with this vital information that he was about to blurt out for the sake of his mission. Judging by the way Tommy had treated you with a certain softness, with hints of trust coming from your previous acquaintance ever since you set foot in the settlement and by the recent interactions you had with Ellie, he had an inkling of confidence in him that it would be alright to share this with you being present.

That, and the fact that he would not hesitate a split second to shoot your brains out if you ever dared lay a hostile hand on her.

“She’s immune.”

“Bullshit,” you blurted out, as if to accompany Tommy’s slack jaw upon the confession. Your mind then started running almost a hundred miles an hour - the man’s daughter was immune? That explained why he would want some extra protection on his side to shield her from harm, yet there were so many things running rampant in your mind that reflected the very thoughts you had while working as a nurse looking for a cure.

All those years of cutting through brains and muscle, trying to eject some sort of tissue that could possibly help you advance. Looking for someone who showed the tiniest bits of signs of immunity - even finding someone turning a couple hours late, you had considered a breakthrough specimen. All of the dead doctors and nurses and patients, to no avail - you had heard people say they were immune before, or at least knew someone who was, only for you to be forced to stab a scalpel into the recently turned.

So, no. You knew better than to believe him on that matter. It was a phrase you had heard countless of times, coming from all sorts of survivors, which only served to provide a sense of purpose in a world that was blinded by mindless killing. Only gave out a false premise of hope to people fueled throughout whatever was left of their journey to the Fireflies and it only ended in one way - decaying bodies in the back forty, killed to stop them from turning.

It was no secret that the same thing would happen to the little girl you had grown to care about, if taken to the old friends of yours.

“Now, I’ve seen her breathe through enough spores to take down a dozen men, and nothing.”

“Alright, I’ll bite,” was Tommy’s response after running a hand through his slicked-back hair, your arms crossed and jaw tightened as you watched the interaction.

“Why bring her here?”

Joel leaned a flannel-covered elbow forward against the plastic table that had lost everything appealing to it, his eyes refusing to meet yours like you were never in the room. “I was supposed to deliver her to the Fireflies, the way I figure they’re… your crew,” he said, looking at the both of you with a certain anger mixed in with sheer disgust into his grumble as he continued on. “…you two finish the job, you collect the whole damn payment.”

The expression on your face upon those words could not be described in a single, basic emotion as your eyebrows furrowed and jaw clenched. Some nerve this guy had, asking for yet one more favor out of you when you had just paid what you owed. With more information revealed to you, it seemed, the more complicated the questions got in your mind. What kind of a father let their beloved, precious kid travel across the country without him being present? How could his heart survive through the stress and pain of that? As if adding more ice to his emotionless, ruthless soul, he was offering you both some sort of payment? Whatever dropped out of his mouth only made your heart freeze further.

Before Tommy even had a chance to also voice his protest, your frail body rose up with a certain determination, arms remaining crossed across your chest. “Look, I don’t know who the hell you think you are,” rage dripped from your words as your piercing eyes bore daggers into him. “…but I done paid my debt or whatever the fuck you think I owed you, the moment you stepped in this place. There’s no way in hell I’m takin’ your girl to the Fireflies.”

Noticing Joel's jaw clench visibly under his beard and his shirt hug just a bit tighter to his forearms, Tommy's hand would reach out before he spoke - as if to shield you, or to calm you down from what you were capable of before you did something you would regret later. He had always been the reasonable one, even back in the old days. And it worked, though your knuckles were almost white from squeezing out of anger and utter, desperate confusion, you stayed put. "You ain't talkin' about some walk in the park here, Joel. What makes you think I'd do this?"

Joel's hands would form fists laid across the surface of the table, as his body leaner ever so slightly closer, tone growing more threatening by the second. "This is for your damn cause. I just need some simple gear, enough to set me on my way."

"We've been away from the Fireflies for a damn long time."

There came that assertive growl, now sounding desperate, his large hand splayed out against the surface as he hit. "Tommy, I need this."

Preserving the calmness when you were sure you could not have if it had been you, the younger brother would nod pensively, looking straight into Joel's eyes without a hint of fear. "You want some gear, sure. But I ain't takin' that girl off your hands."

And as those words spilled out of his mouth, an alarm began ringing in the premises, the faint sound traveling through the shut metal door, making all of you jump into your senses in a sudden fear. Hairs on your neck rose up instantly in a jolt of anxiety, heartbeat quickening with your muscles tensing up. What the hell was that?

"We're under attack," Tommy exclaimed hurriedly as he hopped off the table and Joel stood up tall and alert, your hands instinctively reaching for the revolver in your holster, filing out the cracked-open door with loud thuds. "Y'all remember how to kill?"

As you ran out the room following Tommy's directions across the unknown compound with no other choice but to fight, you swore you heard a low mutter of yeah under Joel's breath - a rumble that made whatever blood flowed through your veins turn ice-cold.

#mercy #oh my god #val writes #fic #fanfic #writing #tlou #the last of us joel #the last of us #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you

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louiserandom · 4 years

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Play Games with Me

Pairing: Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara | Rating: E

A/N: Commission for the amazing @rookie-d💙💗 thank you so much! *hugs*

Read on AO3 or continue under the cut :3 Ko-fi and fic commission info in the header!

Tobirama SenJERK has never had sex in his life, Madara types, as always brimming with spite when it comes to his least favorite person in town. Maybe on the planet.

Rereading the comment and satisfied that there aren’t any typos or any hint whatsoever at some kind of hidden affection (which isn’t there, never was and never will be, Madara reminds himself firmly), he hits ‘Comment.’

“Take that, you dumbass,” Madara mutters under his breath, and really, this could be classified as childish, were he not completely in the right to take vicious revenge upon the fucking asshole who dared refer to Madara as ‘so idiotic it’s pitifully adorable’ on his last stream. Hah! Like Tobirama isn’t the less intelligent one of the two of them; Madara has watched enough of his Uncharted 4 gameplay to note that Tobirama took twelve seconds longer than him to figure out arguably the most difficult puzzle in the game. And although Madara’s sub count doesn’t quite reflect his superior intellect compared to Senju’sーnot that he’s checked in a whileーit’s likely a testament to the viewers’ total lack of taste, if anything else.

(Two thousand, nine hundred and thirty four viewer’s, to be precise, according to this morning’s stats and minus the handful of Madara’s fake accounts that he created just in case to keep up with his chief competitor. Admittedly, it might be a tad annoying.)

A notification pipes up.

Hm, I wonder how you’d know that, MaddyGamerboy? Are you stalking me? I must admit, I’m flattered.

Madara sputters at the reply. At yet another butchering of his perfectly adequate nickname. The fucking nerve of the guyーand people fucking wonder why Madara hates his guts?

(Madara knows it doesn’t really help his case that he’s touched himself to fantasies of the younger Senju more times than he’d care to count, but hate-fucking a thing isn’t it? Hate-masturbation must be too, he supposes. Not the healthiest outlet for negative feelings, but it makes him feel good enough.)

(Heavenly, to be precise.)

I AM NOT, YOU SELF-OBSESSED DUMBASS, Madara types, simultaneously taking care of the half-a-dozen typos that appear of their own accord.

No.

Deep breath. Stop fingers from shaking. Think about something witty to say.

Pff, he writes, for lack of any better word to express his indignant huff, like I give a shit about you. You’re dumb.

It did sound much better in his head, but Madara has spent over a minute writing the comment already, and he doesn’t want to appear as if he’s thinking too hard on it.

He posts his answer, not dwelling too match on the number of likes on Tobirama’s comment far outnumbering the hundred Madara’s garnered. Again, Tobirama’s audience is clearly not the best judge of character.

“FUCK. YOU. SIDEWAYS, SENJU!” Madara shouts at the reply that follows, consisting only of the words:

Thanks for the sub btw.

“You fucking piece of shit,” Madara hisses. “Like eight fucking fake accounts do anything to boost your stats, I don’t even like all your videos from each one of them, you ass!”

I DID NOT SUB DONT BELIEVE HIM

I’m happy to have another loyal fan ;)

HE IS FUCKING LYEING!!!

With seemingly every single person in the comments raving about how it’s about time MadGamer69 and admitted he admires FlyingThunderGod’s skill, Madara has to consciously restrain himself from smashing his laptop against the wall.

“You can just tell him you like him, you know.”

Madara startles, almost stumbling to the floor when Hashirama returns with their drinks and quickly put-together snacks, always the one to rummage through Madara’s kitchen because Madara hardly cares what edible and inedible things existed there or what to do with themーthat’s Izuna’s job.

“I do not,” Madara snarls, as Hashirama flops next to him on the couch, “like that stupid clusterfuck you call a brother!”

“Madara!” Hashirama whines, with that ever-present pout on his face. “Be civil.”

“Yeah, when he returns the favor,” Madara glowers, grabbing a milkshake from Hashirama’s hand. “Did you forget that he fucking started it? Do I need to quote his “pitifully adorable how so much stupidity can fit in such a short man” again?” Madara can’t help flailing his arms a little, though far too conscious of this habit now since the Tobirama has started pointing it out. He makes up for it with what he hopes is a deadly enough glare. “Did no one in your family bother to teach him manners? Did you?”

Hashirama only sighs. “And did you forget,” he asks, “how before that you abused my invitation over to our place to hide his Golden Youtube Gamer Tablet?”

Madara groans. “It’s called a Gold Play Button. Idiot.”

“Now you’re insulting me,” Hashirama grumbles, “and who cares? The point is, you’d be upset too if he hid yours.”

“Youtubers care,” Madara says, “and also, that’s irrelevant, that was revenge for him making fun of my perfectly adequate gameplay.”

“To be fair, you were dying quite a lot in that playthrough...”

“He took twelve seconds longer to figure out that puzzle in the game!” Madara growls.

Hashirama rolls his eyes. “Well, of course, because that Yellow Flash guy was flirting and distracting him in the chat.”

Madara blanches. "That good-for-nothing pipsqueak was what?”

“See,” Hashirama drawls, “you are jealous. Why would you be jealous?”

“I-I’m not!”

“Madara, you are so far in denial, that as your best friend,” Hashirama says firmly, slapping a hand over Madara’s mouth before he can muster another protest, “I cannot stand by and watch you suffer. Anymore, that is, because this has reached a breaking point. So, please, for me, I am begging you, just try politely asking if maybe Tobirama would like to accompany you for coffee somewhere tomorrow? Maybe brunch? I mean, come on, I know you guys don’t hate each other anymore. Seriously, you guys seem like you enjoy arguments, and hey, who am I to judge how people express affection?”

“Affection?!” Madara shrieks, shoving Hashirama’s hand away.

“And please stop pretending you don’t have printed out screenshots of my brother’s videos hidden under your mattress because Izunaー”

“Is a fucking snooping rat!” Madara hisses.

Hashirama sighs. “If it helps you feel better, maybe Tobirama might possibly not feel extreme dislike towards you but actually the opposite,” he says, smiling nervously as Madara blanches.

Because... what?

He blinks, running Hashirama’s words through his mind again.

“And how would you know that?” he asks, suspicious. “I swear if you dared tell him anything about my possibly nonexistent feelingsー”

“Possibly?” Excitement starts bubbling in Hashirama’s eyes. “That’s progress!”

“Definitely nonexistent feelings, dammit!”

Hashirama, the asshole Madara calls best friend for some reason, giggles. “Don’t worry, I didn’t. I promise, stop glaring or I will start pouting,” he threatens, and Madara schools his expression back into a light scowl to avoid the infamous Senju pout.

Like a curse, memories of said pout curling Tobirama’s lips spring to mind, and Madara has to physically shake his head to banish those thoughts.

“Listen, the fact that we’re not as... aggressive as we used to be,” Madara says, “doesn’t mean we suddenly like each other.”

“Madara, you insist on coming along every time we hang out,” Hashirama points out.

“I like hanging out with you.”

“Yet every time we do,” Hashirama presses on, “you’re hyperfocused on bickering with Tobirama instead of talking about wholesome stuff with me. Did you even notice that I brought Mito with me the past few times and it was literally a double date?”

“Was not!” Madara shoves at Hashirama with his shoulder and stands up to pace, because there goes the tell-tale sweating of his hands, the fluttering in his chest and stomach and the memoriesーof him and Tobirama secretly filming the other on camera when they do stupid shit, their almost daily Best Playground Insult Contest that’s been memed half to death on Twitter, the one time they got separated from Hashirama and Izuna in Disneyland because they’d got caught in their arguments so much it devolved into discussing their favorite games and an actual conversation that had Madara’s insides tingling.

No.

No, no, no. If anything, they were just gradually becoming something not unlike friends. And Madara’s occasional fantasies behind closed doors were nothing but a means to a pleasant end.

Not. Feelings.

No matter how much he’s grown attached to the site of messy, white-gray hair that he knows is soft to the touch from all the times he’s tugged on it to irritate him. No matter how piercing Tobirama’s unique red eyes may look. No matter how objectively hot his recent workout routine video wasーand Madara knows he’d only watched it so many times because he wants to improve his own routine, right?

Right?

Madara groans. “Why are emotions so fucking confusing!” He slumps onto the floor and wraps his arms around his knees, hitting his head over and over again on his kneecaps because, “I don’t even know what I want from him, okay?”

There’s a brief silence before Hashirama joins him and keeps him from abusing his head further. “How about,” Hashirama suggests, rubbing a comforting hand on his back, “you just ask? Listen, he’s my brother. And you’re my best friend. You two fighting less and at least making an effort to get to know each other better?” Hashirama brings out the puppy dog eyes. “That would mean the world for me.”

Madara glances at him before looking away again, focusing on a random photo of the wall. One featuring Tobirama right after his university graduation with a wide smile on his face. Quite the adorable face, too, and the unprompted thought makes Madara want to descend into oblivion. Preferably forever.

“That’s difficult,” he says lamely.

“But not impossible,” Hashirama says, “and hey, it’s better than waiting for the Yellow Flash guy to actually make a move on Tobi and start occupying all of his time. He’s a really big fan.”

“Fuck Minato,” Madara scoffs, “the guy just showed up and is just shamelessly emulating Tobirama’s style. That’s dumb.”

“Dumber than you claim Tobi is?” Hashirama prompts.

Madara thinks about it. “You know what? Yes.”

“As I saidーprogress!”

Madara can never go through with his impulses to punch his well-meaning best friend, and so grabs the nearest pillow from the couch and smashes it into Hashirama’s face to shut him up.

Tobirama returns home only to find Hashirama and Madara standing by the front door, frowning as they watched something that sounded like a tsunami of some kind.

“Listen, it’s gotta be one of those black holes or something twisting that vortex. Look how stuff disappears right into it!” is his brother talking, and Tobirama is already heaving a frustrated sigh.

Please don’t tell me you think there’s a black hole on Earth.

“There’s no black holes on Earth, idiot! The nearest one is way off, like near Pluto or something,” Madara says.

Ah. Even better. Tobirama chuckles under his breath, crosses his arms and leans against the wall, observing the two idiots he knows and loves.

He mentally kicks himself.

Well, one of them, he loves. Of course he loves his brother.

The other is... complicated.

“And besides, that could just be the Loch Ness monster or a cthulhu or something. See how dark the water is?”

“Or maybe,” Tobirama says, making them both jump, “it’s a natural phenomenon that’s a tad too difficult for both your brain cells to comprehend? I’m happy to explain though.”

“I’m happy to see you fuck yourself,” Madara greets him his usual way, scowling despite the exceptionally conspicuous blush painting his cheeks.

The contrast never fails to make Tobirama’s heart beat faster. He hates himself for it.

“Mm, Madara,” Tobirama teases, “not in front of my brother.”

As expected, Madara starts spluttering, and Tobirama is left wondering again how he avoids making a total fool of himself in each and every one of his videos. It seems Madara saves most of his flailing for the comment section.

“You,” Madara snarls, pointing Tobirama’s way, “are an asshole, Senju, but spending time with the better part of society might do you some good. So see you at brunch tomorrow and do not be late.”

And with that, Madara gives Hashirama a cursory wave and stalks off, leaving Tobirama frozen on the spot.

Did Madara just?..

Tobirama blinks, swallowing heavily as he feels his throat running dry and his heart rate pick up.

No fucking way.

He must have imagined it. Through his stupor of trying to figure out what the hell just took place, Tobirama vaguely registers Hashirama’s facepalm.

“Sorry for that,” Tobirama hears his brother speak through the rush in his ears. “He meant, uh, will you please join him for brunch? Tomorrow at 11 am, Eggspectation?”

Tobirama blinks harder.

“I,” he starts, “I don’t... Did you blackmail Madara into asking me out?”

Hashirama looks scandalized. “What? No!”

“Did Madara just ask me out?”

“Well, yes, Tobi.” Hashirama chuckles nervously. “You sure you’re feeling okay?”

Tobirama glares. “The idiot’s wake up text to me today was literally a collection of trashy limerick poems about how much I suck. Sorry if I’m a little skeptical.”

“You,” Hashirama says, wincing as a long-suffering expression settles on his face, “you guys send wake up texts to each other?”

A moment of awkward silence hangs in the air.

“Sometimes,” Tobirama says, defensive, although the damage is already done.

“And you’re still not going out? Tobirama, you do realize he’s in love with you, right?”

“Don’t say things like that, Anija!” Tobirama snaps, hoping the dim lighting in the corridor conceals the blush he can feel heating up his cheeks. Fuck. Now he’s turning Madara. “Yet, I mean.”

“I’ll save the celebrations until after your date then!” Hashirama sing-songs like the idiot he is.

Tobirama resigns to his fate. “I hate you.”

“You love me.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“You’ll thank me for this.”

“If it goes well,” Tobirama glowers though it’s ineffective, really, against his brother’s bubbling positivity, and the sheer awe still coursing through him from Madara asking him out on a fucking date is actually enough to make Tobirama want to hug him. He refrains. "Now, thanks, Anija, but I have work things to attend to.”

“Sure! Just don’t forget, 11ー”

“Eleven eggs and uh, no expectations, got it.”

“Wait, Tobi, noー”

With no time to waste, naturally, Tobirama bolts into their apartment and straight to his room to choose an appropriate outfit. And to mentally prepare himself for something he’s almost given up hoping for.

Tobirama cannotーwill notーmess this up.

Tobirama makes sure to arrive about ten minutes early. Not because he’s worried or nervous, of course; maybe just a little, but mostly just to get his bearings beforeーfinallyーa date with Madara goddamn Uchiha.

Madara, who’s been Tobirama’s stupid crush since high school, and just as in love with gaming as he is, only that didn’t turn out to be such a great bonding point between them, as Tobirama had hopedーbefore he actually got to know his Anija’s best friend.

Madara, who seemed to dislike Tobirama at first sight and only grew to hate him more over the years as they both found more joy in arguing than they did in talking.

Madara, who, despite this, blushes every rare time Tobirama genuinely smiles at him or drops a suggestive joke, who has an arguably unhealthy obsession with Tobirama’s ass which he always ogles when he thinks no one is looking.

Madara, whose plastered ass Tobirama had to drag home the other week, amid drunken speeches about capitalist injustice, some wacky conspiracy behind the disappearance of the dodo bird and... something quite interesting.

“Listen, Senju,” Madara was slurring against Tobirama’s shoulder, as the latter cursed every single nonexistent god that Hashirama had chosen that fucking day to go on a road trip with Mito, Toka and Izuna, leaving Tobirama in charge of this walking trash fire of a man. “Listen. Tobira... Tobi. Tobirama. You’re so hot.”

The words almost made Tobirama stumble.

“What, Uchiha?”

“And cute... So pretty, too, I wish you could see that...” Madara went on babbling. “I think you do. But still. Wish you could see me like I do. I mean see you. Like I do...”

“Tobira, you’re just, you’re unfair...”

“I hate you and I like you then I love you and I hate you again, why you’reー” A hiccup. “How do you exist...”

“I just want to hold hands and just... walk and talk and be together and...”

Tobirama watched in ever mounting confusion as Madara leaned completely into him, humming as he hugged Tobirama tightly and said,

“Is that too fucking much to ask...”

Tobirama stood, shell-shocked, with Madara whispering impossible nonsense in his arms, wondering if he was in a dream.

The next day saw Madara returning to his usual self insulting Tobirama at every goddamn opportunity, which left Tobirama... confused.

Confused, and conflicted, and sleepless for the rest of the night, thoughts held captive by the utter idiot whose ultimate goal seems to be to ruin Tobirama’s life.

It’s maddening.

Of course, he’d suspected that Madara’s flailing and constant blushing interspersed with screams and insults (the most creative ones, reserved only for Tobirama, it seemed) were signs of not so much dislike, as the complete opposite. Of course, Tobirama had tried flirting with Madara, just bordering right there on the edge of suggestive, only for his advances to be seen as patronizing or condescending. And hearing Madara speak to him this way, in a drunken stupor no less, when he’d probably have no causeーor abilityーto lie is...

Maddening. Annoying. Exhilarating. A tantalizing opportunity. Maybe a glimmer of hope.

And of course, Tobirama told his brother; they never really had any secrets between them. And of fucking course Hashirama had a hand in convincing Madara to change his usual behavior, which is nice and all, but doesn’t help the nerves wracking through Tobirama’s body, nor the crippling fear that he’s going to somehow screw this up.

But no. Deep breath. Exhale. And remember Anija’s advice.

Tobirama takes the last turn before he’s faced with their meeting place, surprised to find Madara already there.

Even though he’s usually always late. Sitting inside by the window, looking out onto the street with a slight frown, Madara keeps worrying his bottom lip and, apparently, trying to break a spoon.

It paints an endearing picture. Tobirama sighs, feeling a smile tugging at his lips.

This man...

Tobirama comes in, approaching him slowly, allowing himself a few moments to watch Madara needlessly fix his wild mane of hair, appraise his reflection in the spoon, try out several fake-looking smiles before settling on a scowl and going back to his nervous tics again. With another sigh, Tobirama takes the few steps left to his date, repeating Hashirama’s advice over and over in his head.

Just be yourselfーand have fun!

Just a few minutes into their date, it becomes obvious that Madara didn’t get the same advice from Hashirama.

Or just didn’t get the advice, period.

With their orders made and beverages served, they’re left to wallow in a less than comfortable silence, broken only by Madara’s... uncharacteristic attempts at conversation.

“Are you enjoying the tea?” Madara asks Tobirama with all of the softness of a brick wall.

Tobirama isn’t used to the man being eloquent, much less polite, and he has yet to have at least one conversation with Madara that doesn’t devolve into a pissing contest. So theoretically, Tobirama should be enjoying this.

But it only seems wrong. Annoying. Not them.

He tries to recall if, maybe, their first meeting was an adequate exchange? Tobirama thinks to the day Hashirama first introduced them. Only flashes of spilled milkshakes and jibes at intelligence run through his mind, and of course that was the very first time he’d called Madara an idiot pipsqueak, receiving quite the lame ‘stuck-up dandelion’ in turn.

Unsurprising.

“Yes,” Tobirama says, taking another sip as he eyes Madara struggling on the other side of the table. Struggling to do what is the question: either sit straight, or assume a more relaxed posture, or reach towards his own drink, or avoid eye contact, even though he keeps glancing his way when he thinks Tobirama won’t notice. Tobirama does, every time, and that just makes the whole ordeal more awkward. “Nice weather,” Tobirama says, with about as much enthusiasm.

If Madara wants to play this stupid game, Tobirama will indulge. Just to see how long it takes for Madara to break and return to his blustering status quo.

“Yeah...” Madara clears his throat, eye twitching as he manages to hold Tobirama’s gaze for a commendable three seconds this time. “Hate the sun. I meanーI mean I love the sun. Ugh. It just, uh. Burns.”

It’s both saddening and funny to see Madara visibly deflate.

“Skin too sensitive, huh?” Tobirama starts small. “Just like your ego?”

Madara’s jaw clenches and his nervous look shifts into a glare before he looks away again, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath to calm himself down before he flashes an unnaturally cheery smile.

“Heh, nice,” Madara grits through his teeth, “nice joke, Senju.”

Tobirama raises his eyebrow as Madara flinches at his own words.

“I’m glad you appreciate my sense of humor,” Tobirama says, barely reining in a smirk.

“Sure! You’reーyou’re funny.”

“And?”

“And what?” Madara frowns, confused.

“And what else am I?” Tobirama demands, feigning thoughtfulness. “A recent assessment of yours was that I look and act like a self-obsessed dumbass, I think.”

“No-no,” Madara blurts out, looking much a cornered animal, “I think you... you are... you look not at all so terrible today?” he finishes with a nervous chuckle, running a hand through his hair.

Tobirama wants to scream from the agony.

No. This won’t do, otherwise he might as well leave.

“Can you just call me a stuck-up asshole like you always do or recite one of those horrible limerick disses?” he demands.

Madara actually yelps. “What? No! I mean, wait.” He narrows his eyes. “Why?”

“Because you’re acting weird.”

“We’re on a date, if you were too stupーpreoccupied to get my invitation, Senju,” Madara says, jaw still clenched as he doubtless refrains from swearing, “and I’m being civil!”

That’s the advice he must have gotten from Anija, Tobirama thinks.

What a tragedy.

“Madara,” Tobirama implores, leaning his eyebrows on the table and meeting Uchiha’s gaze, “have you considered thatーI prefer it when you aren’t?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, thank fuck!” Madara slams his hands on the table, heaving a massive sigh as Tobirama laughs in relief. “I was ready to fucking die, you piece of shit! How does your brother stay so fucking kind all the time, it’s fucking torture!”

Tobirama rolls his eyes. “It’s a talent, naturally. Just like your talent at embarrassing yourself and mine at being awesome.”

“You’ve got it a little backwards, Senju,” Madara sneers, “but it’s excusable, given your level of intellect.”

“Twice as high as yours?” Tobirama parries.

“Twice as little.”

“That’s more like it,” Tobirama says, grinning despite himself, “I thought you were a decoy or something. You’ve told me to fuck off every single day since we first met and this was getting worrisome.”

Madara’s laugh is sudden, melodic, sending those irritating tingling sensations through Tobirama’s body. He makes an effort to appear outwardly calm.

“Maybe because you managed to piss me the fuck off every day that I’ve known you,” Madara scoffs, “but you’re all right sometimes. I guess.” He shrugs, feigning nonchalance even as he keeps nervously fixing and running his fingers through his hair.

A stupid, tantalizing habit. Tobirama imagines carding his own hands through the messy locks, tugging Madara’s head back toー

He forcefully aborts the thought process before he’s faced with a problem of the harder kind. “Oh, I’m sure we’ll try to strangle each other when we game together.”

“We’re playing today?” Madara asks.

Tobirama tilts his head to the side.

“You haven’t planned one gaming session after our date?”

“Um,” Madara says, blinking rapidly, “why should I be the one with the plan?”

“Because you’re the one who invited me,” Tobirama deadpans. And anyway, Madara is always the one to egg Tobirama on to gaming, which would usually only ever lead to semi-playful brawls and their fighting making Hashirama cry.

And without Anija there to assault them with his antics, Tobirama wonders what their play-fighting might lead to... and promptly shuts off those thoughts again. Control, dammit.

Madara opens his mouth, then closes it, sighs explosively and says, “All right, fair enough. But you’re the strategy pro here. And my thing is RPGs.” He smirks. “I can improvise.”

And Madara does, in fact, improvise, leading Tobirama on what he hopes is a satisfying daylong adventure. It’s strange, walking by themselves around Konoha without anyone else with them (not that they’ve taken to ignoring Hashirama and Mito anyway on their most recent group outings), free to talk about and do anything they want. Strange and perfect, the way Tobirama switches between poorly concealed bashfulness and his usual confidence, as their jokes and jibes at each other, every little prank they pull never fails to make them both laugh.

It’s perfect.

Just like Tobirama’s smile is, directed at him without any pretenses as they set off to explore the lush, gigantic forest surrounding the city, rumored to be home to mythical, many-tailed creatures. And that’s followed by their forays into an abandoned chemistry lab; the scares they get in the woods from intermittent growls coming from the shadows are nothing compared to the horror Madara feels when Tobirama insists on touching broken vials and experimental equipment, and going through doors with dilapidated ‘DANGER. CHEMICAL HAZARD’ signs.

“If we’re infected by some deadly and insidious poison,” Madara whispers as they explore the lab’s tunnels, “I’m going to fucking kill you before it does. Painfully.”

“It’s for science,” Tobirama says. “And trust me. We’re safe. I got a degree in this.”

“Youtube is practically your full-time job at this point. What the fuck else do you need?”

“The satisfaction of discovering something cool?”

“And deadly.”

"Unlikely.”

Madara groans, cursing his life, as well as his inability to say no to hisーapparentlyーnew boyfriend.

The boyfriend who’s just discovered another hidden pathway to a deeper level and has scurried off towards it like an excited five-year-old. Despite himself, despite his intent to keep complaining, Madara can’t hold back the grin tugging at his lips.

Still perfect.

Just like their lunch date which turns into a picnic by the Naka river, where Madara remembers meeting Hashirama way back when. Just like the first time Tobirama grasps his hand, fingers gently massaging it as he laughs at Madara stuttering to a stop from whatever rant he’d been on, heart in his throat and mind suddenly focused on whether his palms are too sweaty or not.

His mind goes blank. Eyes focus only on the man in front of him, whom he yearns to strangle just as often as he craves to tackle him onto any surface and ruin him completely. And it should feel wrong, it should be, only Madara hasn’t quite felt so right about anything in a long time, and with every minute they spend with their familiar bickering, just with a layer of something more behind it this time, it becomes harder and harder to deny how good being near Tobirama makes him feel. Happy. Complete.

Madara winces. Oh, gods. He’s waxing poetic now.

All worries about that fly out the window when Tobirama, without so much as a word of warning, leans in and draws Madara by his collar into a kiss.

Surprisingly, he doesn’t spring up to awaken alone in his bed like he always does, after dreams like these.

And, unsurprisingly, it turns out to be Madara’s best kiss to date.

Maybe he’s exaggerating, if just because he’s been craving this so damn much. Tobirama’s lips are hot, gentle, and welcoming against his, a curious tongue darting out to coax Madara’s lips open and deepen the kiss. The delightful drag of his tongue, his hands, rough and demanding on Madara’s chest, waist, thighsーit’s not long before he’s dizzy with it, barely holding back moans of pleasure for fear of sounding too desperate.

“Fuck,” Madara gasps as they pull away for breath, lips still touching as their eyes stay locked and he’s treated to Tobirama’s downright ravenous gaze. “That wasー”

Tobirama cuts him off with another kiss, then another, and it’s not long before they find themselves tangled in a mess of limbs and loose clothing. The hard ground presses against Madara’s back as Tobirama settles on top of him, ravaging Madara’s mouth with a passion that soon has his pants feeling too tight.

Fuck.

He groans, hips thrusting of their own accord and feeling Tobirama's own erection through the fabric.

Madara makes an immense effort to pull away, stifling a whine at the loss of contact.

“Bed,” he says, mortified at his own crudeness far too late after the word comes out. “Fuck, I meantー”

“Yes,” Tobirama growls, capturing Madara’s lips in another open-mouthed kiss before he hauls him up to start gathering their things. “Your place or mine?”

“Yours? Izuna,” Madara rasps, head too clouded to explain more in-depth, but Tobirama seems to understand.

“Anija shouldn’t be back for a while,” Tobirama says, a devastating grin on his face, “lots of time for us to play.”

Gods.

Madara scrambles to his feet fast enough to stumble, and for once, Tobirama has nothing to say about his clumsiness.

They all but crash through the front door, not even bothering to lock it as they rush through a cursory check to make sure Hashirama is out like he said he’d be.

“Fuck, thank the gods,” Tobirama sighs in relief before dragging Madara back into liplock.

Madara can’t hold back a moan this time, heat ratcheting up between them as he wraps his hands around Tobirama’s neck, pulling him closer as they stumble to the couch. Madara ends up straddling him just so that their cocks brush through too-rough clothing, kiss growing urgent and sloppy, as wandering hands touching every inch of uncovered skin.

Clothes fall away, leaving them both shirtless, and Madara needs a few moments to take in the miles of pale skin, so soft to the touch, toned muscles rippling as Tobirama squirms under him, gasps and groans escaping his lips in answer to every one of Madara’s touches. He leans in to mouth Tobirama’s neck, sucking bruising kisses onto the soft skin there pleasure flaring at the base of his stomach each time Tobirama moans and arches against him.

“You’re so sensitive,” Madara whispers, with a hint of incredulity. “That’s... fuck.”

“Yeah,” Tobirama rasps, eyes unfocused, “because... just get on with it.”

“If I knew this is what it took to finally get you to shut up,” Madara chuckles, “I would have tried this a long time ago.”

If he weren’t so sure Tobirama genuinely despised him. Butー

“I fucking wished you would!” Tobirama snaps, though the irritation rings hollow with the breathless tone.

Madara blinks in shock.

“You did?” Madara asks, moving lower to lap at Tobirama’s nipple, sucking the hardened nub into his mouth and eliciting another delicious whimper. “You thought about this? About my hands on you, touching you?”

“Yes!” The desperation in his tone only adds to Madara’s mounting confidence, one that he so rarely ever feels in Tobirama’s presence.

“My mouth on your cock,” he continues, heart hammering against his ribs as he trails kisses lower and lower, “would you like that? While I finger you, getting you ready to take me?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Tobirama’s hips jerk, making them both moan at the friction.

“Off,” Madara grunts, tugging at Tobirama’s pants with one hand as the other works the belt off his own. They scramble, a bit awkwardly, until they’re both naked and sprawled on top of each other, and Madara all but drools at the sight of Tobirama’s cock, hard and straining, beads of precum already leaking from the tip.

Perfect.

It’s tempting to just let go but Madara decides to take his time. Strokes Tobirama’s sides and chest, fingers his nipples, kisses every inch of skin he can reach, sucking bruises and biting slightly. He marvels at every little keen and groan he wrings from Tobirama, relishing how needy he grows with each second, how he moans Madara’s name, curses him and urges Madara to touch him, sliding his dick against his and huffing when Madara doesn’t do anything about it, before finally devolving into pleading.

Just what Madara’s been waiting for.

“Madara, please,” Tobirama’s whines, a soft, desperate sound that makes Madara groan in turn.

“Please what?” he asks, knowing he’s being a tease and enjoying the hell out of it.

Tobirama musters a pretty non-intimidating glare. “Just... fuck.”

“Tell me.”

“Fuck you.”

“Is that what you want?” Madara raises an eyebrow, making sure to wet his lips, letting his tongue gently graze the head of Tobirama’s cock. “I can bottom. I don’t mind.”

“Fuck!” Tobirama squeezes his eyes shut, heavy breathing interspersed with desperate whines. “Just... suck me off. Please. Now.”

“That’s it, Tobirama,” Madara drags out the syllables of his name, a smirk tugging at his lips, “when you ask so nicely, how can I refuse?”

He wraps his lipsーfinallyーaround the head, licking at the salty fluid gathered there, ears ringing from the heady feel of Tobirama’s cock against his mouth, his hands tangling in Madara’s hair, the sounds slipping from Tobirama’s lips that are borderline fucking obscene. Madara takes a breath to brace himself and takes Tobirama a few inches deeper. His length is hot, stiff, and heavy in his mouth as Madara presses the flat of his tongue against the underside, sucking hard, wringing another delectable whimper. Tobirama’s thrusts up, cock hitting the back of his throat, and Madara chokes for a moment, his own dick jerking at the sensation.

“Madara,” Tobirama breathes, “Madara, gods, you feel amazing.”

The words send another rush of pleasure through him, and Madara takes himself in hand to release some of the unbearable tension, stroking himself slowly as he relaxes his throat and sinks down to take Tobirama to the base.

Tobirama’s moan is a sweet, drawn-out melody. One that Madara enjoys making louder and louder as he starts moving, setting a fast-paced rhythm, uncaring for how debauched he may look, drool leaking out of his mouth and coating Tobirama’s cock, throat constricting around it as he takes him deep, lets him stay there, tongue gliding along his shaft. Tobirama soon devolves into barely coherent pleading, until ‘please’, and ‘more’, and Madara’s name are the only words coming out of his mouth.

It’s intoxicating. Overwhelming, far too much. Madara gives up stroking himself, the pleasure ramping up far too quickly, too soon, though Tobirama isn’t doing much better. Madara draws his lips up along his length, lapping up more precum gathered at the head, even as Tobirama’s hips jerk again and the hand in Madara’s hair tightens, urging him back down.

“Madara, please,” Tobirama keens, “I need...”

Madara has a pretty good idea of what he needs. He swirls his tongue over the head, descending again until his nose is pressed against Tobirama’s stomach. Madara swallows around him once, twice, a third time before he feels Tobirama nudging at his shoulder in a warning he doesn’t pay heed to, starting to bob his head again, wrapping his fingers around the base of Tobirama’s cock, using both his mouth and hand to bring him to completion.

“Fuck, Madara, Iー”

Madara lets out a muffled groan once he feels cum spilling against his tongue, swallowing rapidly as Tobirama’s cock pulses, again and again, through an orgasm that has him writhing and and trembling underneath him, hands tightening in Madara’s hair enough to hurt with the kind of tantalizing pain that only adds to the pleasure.

“You feel so fucking good,” Tobirama pants, watching Madara through white lashes, eyes dark and hazy as another shudder runs through him, “fuckーI want...”

Madara releases him with a wet pop. “Want what, Tobirama?” he whispers, voice too hoarse for him to speak properly.

Tobirama grips his shoulders in lieu of an answer, directing Madara to turn around so his back is pressed against his chest.

Then Tobirama’s hand wraps around his cock andーoh.

Madara has pretty much forgotten about his own pleasure, too focused on not coming too soon and making sure Tobirama was enjoying himself.

“My turn,” Tobirama murmurs against his ear, tone still breathless but with a commanding edge to it now that makes Madara shiver, “and lemmeーlet me hear you, Madara.”

Gods. He groans just from the sound of Tobirama’s voice. The feel of his teeth nibbling at his earlobe, his hand setting a quick, harsh rhythm that builds up the pleasure to impossible degrees. Tobirama’s heated skin pressed against his back, his thighs, the fingers of his other hand carding through his hair with a gentleness that contrasts with his harshness before.

It’s too much.

“Go on, Madara.”

Tobirama’s fingers swiping at the precome gathering at the head of Madara’s cock, smearing it over his shaft. His voice, a muffled whisper coaxing Madara to let go, to come for him, to say Tobirama’s nameー

“Just like that, Madara,” Tobirama grunts, “louder for me, come on.”

Madara thrusts into his grip, all but fucking into Tobirama’s fist at this point, moans his name as the heat grows unbearable the closer he gets to release.

“To-bi-rama...” He comes with a broken groan slipping from his lips as cum spills all over his stomach and Tobirama’s hand, each pulse coming stronger than the last, leaving him dizzy and boneless in Tobirama’s arms for however long it takes for his orgasm to abate.

Feels like forever. Probably a lot less. Time does seem to slow down, though, both of them collapsing against each other onto the cushions, breathing raggedly and curling into each other as Madara turns to bury his head in the crook of Tobirama’s neck.

It still seems unreal. Too perfect. So right.

They lie there for a minutes, coming down from the high, limbs tangled and lazy kisses exchanged here and there. Tobirama looks so peaceful, like Madara’s never seen him before: eyes half-lidded, hair messier than ever, sticking in every direction, skin still flushed and marked, all over, with hickeys and teeth marks, the mere sight of which has Madara’s dick stirring in interest, recent orgasm or no.

“You know,” Madara says, hands running over Tobirama’s chest, barely grazing his still sensitive nipples and making him shiver, “if this is the game you want to play, I’m really not against binging it. The rest of the dayーweekend, if you want.” Madara presses a kiss to Tobirama’s neck. “Make the playthrough as thorough as possible.” To his collarbone. “Unlock all achievements and, uh,” Madara trails his hand along Tobirama’s chest to his groin, past his length and to his ass, "explore every location.”

“If that was some thinly veiled euphemism,” Tobirama says, barely holding in laughter, “for you wanting to fuck me sideways...” Madara holds Tobirama’s gaze as his fingers hover just over Tobirama’s hole. “Then Madara, for fuck’s sake, stop trying to be subtle and get to work.”

Madara barks out a laugh.

“Whatever you say, Tobirama.”

Madara dips his voice low and deep, like he’s noticed Tobirama loves, and relishes the whimper it earns him. Relishes the way Tobirama arches against him, looking for friction, how delectable he looks, ready and responsive, so eager for Madara’s touch.

He knows then and there that if it’s up to him, Madara will do anything to make this last.

#madatobi #tobimada #modern au #youtuber au #lou writes #idiots in love #madara is in denial (and thirsting)#tobirama is laughing (and equally thirsting) from the sidelines #fluff and smut #humor #meow

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westernchords · 3 years

Text

2020: a replay & reflection

so... here we are at the near end of a very long, unsettling & strange year. and at this particular moment in time, spotify has released its 2020 wrapped feature, an annual highlight for gay people everywhere (self VERY included). since the world is very large & this is a personal blog with a limited scope, i'll talk about what i know best: the view from my corner of the musical world.

i only had two songs in common with any previous year -- i wish i missed my ex by mahalia & sugar by brockhampton (... i know, the heartache is loud already,)

4 unique rain asmr audios made it into my top 15 (they help me sleep lolol)

show tunes was my #4 most listened to genre and yet not a single one made it into my top 100. (i'm pretty sure it was all of my late night waitress sing alongs)

i discovered 1,012 new artists and 162 new genres

all very fun and interesting things! however, in looking at this year, there are two things to discuss that are most important: the amount of time i spent listening to music (111,989 minutes) and my top song, fake mona lisa. let's discuss both.

on time: in short, music means a lot to me. in long, i mean that music has been central to my life for as long as i can remember. i think of my church choir and my mother singing eartha kitt and corrine bailey rae in the kitchen, my father's surprise talents at piano when he would play in chapel, and how i like to make up little ditties to sing for my dog or while i cook or to solely entertain myself. if one was to take a look at my journals, each entry is annotated with the song i was listening to or suited my mood at the time i was writing. at any moment, i am capable of revisiting the emotional landscape of old memories all set to the very soundtrack that holds that particular past closest.

i still remember plucking violin strings at 5, how i used to stack music books so i could sit up straight on my piano bench because i was too short at 7, picking up woodwinds in highschool and letting my best friend act as conductor, and now, singing endlessly- day in and day out, because it makes me feel like i am traveling home. i think of creole folk songs that connect me to my family, my diaspora. i remember the favorite songs and artists of people i don't know anymore, but still. it stays with me. my friend cj says i have a great emotional sensitivity to music, but more so, music simply connects to every cornerstone of who i am. the creation of it, the listening, the love of it. the constancy.

music is integral to my daily routine and life. since i was 13, maybe younger, i have always believed that the first song i hear in a day sets the tone so i always try to play something i love and makes me feel joyful to start off on the right foot. i will do this my entire life. every day is permeated by sound and the data shows it. 111,989 minutes is almost 3 months straight. this doesn't even count soundcloud listens or youtube tracks or music i play on my own. this felt fitting. music, this year in particular, has been a salve to both new and old hurt. and maybe i am picking at my scabs, but 2020 has amplified so much anger and shame and fear and despite that, there is so much joy in art. music is a balm for the world, it is poetry in its own right.

on fake mona lisa: so .. i am kind of obsessed with this song. fifteen hours worth of listening, i text my friends i'll join the video call soon - i just need one more replay, i got high and played this song while lying in the middle of a meadow and experienced more emotions than i had had in a very long time, my friends lovingly tease me about it so it's sort of like a character trait now, kind of obsessed. my turning to this song was the sort of romance that i didn't anticipate, but fell very hard into and, if you know me, you know that's my favorite kind. let's get into why: when dedicated side b came out, i was heartbroken. there's really no other way to put it. i was alone, back in my childhood bedroom, and harboring a reopened wound from past relationships that maybe had never closed in the first place. i was in this strange, melancholic knee-deep-in-emotions place & if you're an avid CRJ fan, you recognize that's a place she knows and sings about well.

as a song, fake mona lisa tends to be one of carly's more lyrically opaque tracks. which is fine, i'm a storyteller at heart, i'll craft my own narrative. (and honestly, there wasn't much legwork here.) without doing a full blown analysis, here are pieces that i find important to note about the song lyrically and resonate most with me -- big or small.

(transcription at bottom)

what i'm basically saying is that this song is about risk and young love and sex. its about secrets, cheap thrills, fast & easy desires, and the fantastical euphoria of a dead-end-but-still-fun “we're young so what's the matter,“ relationship. (very reminiscent of LA hallucinations, imo) and to me, someone who has been in and out of this same subset of emotional affairs, fake mona lisa stuck with me. vegas is a city of high risk, high reward- where else to chase that superficial, unattainable someone? more so, the song gives you the understanding that the relationship doesn't last, but that was not what carly ever truly wanted out of it. fake mona lisa is, at its core, about over indulgence in pleasure as a stand in for actual love + commitment, something i am oft to do myself & only did more of after dedicated side b dropped. i latched onto the slow and simmering exposition into glittery pre-chorus, starlit imagery, shiny-faraway vocals, and frankly, there was no competition for my song of the year. the song is a dream. i love it and i know what that says about me, but i stand by it.

dedicated side b, especially fake mona lisa, carried me through the healing process of heartbreaks that crystallized into many other things- indulgence, desire, risk, short lived romances, secrets, joy, kisses i should've kept to myself, spontaneous dance breaks, tears, etc., it is an album about love, recovery, and returning to the self. fake mona lisa is just my favorite stop on a long train ride to an okay-ness with aspects of romance (both with the self and others) that i am still figuring out the messy, rose-tinted, contours of.

and sonically? i just adore the key of d minor.

as a last touch point, fake mona lisa was only the tip of the iceberg of songs i obsessed over about not-exactly-ideal romances. again and again and again, heartbreak anthems appeared in my top 100, a deviation from my typical warmth towards romantic sentiments that appeared in past years. instead, there is a sense of love-at-a-distance, a painting yourself as the object of desire, a severed attachment, a not wanting to commit at all (see let's be friends, heartbeat, want you in my room, all by crj ... all appearing on the list.) however, much of what appeared celebrated love and having tremendous, special, struck by cupid, feelings. it's all there. what i'm saying is that carly rae jepsen writes music for lovestruck people- both lucky and not so much, hopeless or hopeful -- you name it. she writes about how you can fall in love with almost anyone, soundtracks for the highs of the first throes of intimacy, the first (and last) kiss, the shared moments between two people when they are each other's whole world, and the palpable distance of heartache, separation, and the landscape between.

she writes as though she is both eros and psyche, armed with arrows of cascading melodies, tipped with a salve for suppressing+healing+amplifying heartbreak, and lyrics so intimate and dreamy, you really can't help but believe in love with the way she speaks of it. love is a venture from shame, a fantasy that is more real than anything else, tender and kind, pleasurable, and escapable into. the world is better in it, the world is better because of it. in carly rae jepsen's discography, love is the defining pillar of experience. a northern star and guiding principle. it is the only thing, no matter what form. & frankly? i cant help but agree.

as a final note, in hanif wills-abdurraqib's emotion review for MTV, carly rae jepsen's public displays of affection, he says this:

thats all for now. bye 2020.

- august

///

transcription of my notes:

verse 1:

city/star light imagery

i am known for wearing a star stamp on my cheek

infatuation & attraction

paints a photo of a starlet and her lover, a fair weather affair

pre-chorus:

always waiting fro a chance the object of desire

a high from love, addictive pleasures

chorus:

sex & art & risk taking (art synonymous with beauty. + seduction)

she knows she cant handle this in a real way, but wants it

desire vs/& (in conjunction with) pain

verse 2:

an idealistic worldview, hoping for the best, always somewhere else not present.

dreamy lyrics + dreamy state of mind, cloudy even.

specifically the words fake mona lisa:

contrast, beautiful yet fully acknowledged to be unreal/superficial

a stand in for “real art“ aka “real love“

#crj #mine

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rikkang · 4 years

Text

Here is my doctor who oc. Missy/Master's companion.

This is her profile.

Commission of @queen_2cha/@highas_cms on twitter.

" I love you"

Name: Isabelle Grace

"Do what you want, Missy. But that doesn't mean you're everything in my life."

Title: Witch's pet

Age: 27

Born in Hampsihre, UK. (Living in London because of work.)

Job: Research Engineer (Doctor who series 8, working in 3W)

Birth: December 10th

Physical

176cm, 60kg.

Not skinny, but look slim because of her height. Arms and legs are stretched out so there is no fat, but there is a moderate amount of flesh in areas such as he waist and chest.

Blood type B.

Appearance

If you look at Isabelle Grace, the first thing you see would be her hair. Does it resembel the graceful moonlight of full moon, or the pale beauty of dawn? The smooth silvery gray hair pouring down from the edge of the wing porridge was so attractive that Selene, the God of the moonn and the owner of the silver carriage, was admirable and fall in love. It reflects light under the sun, like a light blue-silver shroud, and it has a faint sparkle in the dark.

However, Isabelle was not the type to stand tall in the crowd. As if she were pursuing an extremely ordinary life. As she claims, her bangs are neatly arranged and eyebrows were covered, and the clothes on her body were a formal look of a clean modern man. As mentioned earlier, arms and legs stretched out coolly and formed a thin and orphaned line. A thin, straight-cut eyebrow, dropping eyes. The edge of her eyelid which hides her shrap intellect, was wrapped in a red-light make-up that made her look sharper and clearer. The pale pink lips were expressionless, so they were shut up and deported so that her opponent could not read her thoughts. Isabelle Grace was not essentially a predator, nor was a herbivore.

Her long eyelashes would tremble at the rare moment when the grain of emotion was shaken by a single stream of wind. Breathing and sweeping hair behind her ears was Isabelle's small habit and way to express her feelings. Then her opponent's gaze was usually dragged away by her flawless milky back of her hand, her thin, long fingers, and short-rounded nails. It couldn't have been better to hide the slowly fading peach-colored cheeks.

Along with her appearancce, Isabelle's speech was also clear and orderly. She used to go directly to the main point without having to attach a word of desperation, and even though she talked down to her opponent, it was only an extremely exceptional situation, and basically he used honorifics to everyone.

If there is a time when Isabellle Grace is wandering about in confusion, not knowing what to say, it would be the same as when her cheeks are red. Right in fron of her Mistress. A brooch decorated with white patches, a token Missy given for her, was always with Isabelle. There are times when you put it on a ribbon and hang it on a choker, but the fact hat you always carry it with you was an immutable truth.

There is a mole under the right eye.

Personality

KEYWORD: Boredom, Rational, Cynical, Quick-witted, Persistent, Careful

The family grew up in peace. The companionship was smooth, and the livelihood was stble. She was, but everything in the world was boring.

The extremely gorgeous bouquets of flowers, the glitter of long-cut jewels, all sorts of delicies, wealth and honour also do not shake Isabelle Grace's heart. It is not because she is a man wihout desire, but she is tempted with something more baluable than he sum of it all.

While persistent enough to desire Missy, an object that can never be reached, she is prudent enough not to cross the line set by Missy. Missy, who thinks she'll kill Isabelle if she goes against the beat at all the time. Isabelle, who smiles shyly even though the dance with her gradually speeds up. Neither side would be normal. Our lovely cat, Missy called Isabelle that in her affectionate voice. The tile was a mixture of compliments for being quick and cute and ridicule for being tough.

Privacy

Hobby: Visiting exhibitions or fairs, Watching movies with her face tilted against Missy's shoulder.

Personal belongings: Smart phones, Cigarettes and Zippo-lighters, Handkerchiefs with initials, A handful of candy and chocolate.

+ Missy device (after series 10)

Favorites: The moment get to know something new, Sweets, Roughly all the time spend with Missy.

Hates: Something boring, The Doctor.

Ideal man: One who makes herself not boring, A new kind of person.

Family composition: Mother, eldest of one son and two daughters.

Relationships

Missy(short for Mistress)

"See that couple over there? You're the puppy."

Thinking of her Mistress, Isabelle Grace thinks. she may be her beloved pet, but she can never be her beloved pet but she can never be more than that. The moment she was confirmed to have guessed, she became miserable. However, it would be an act of crossing t he promised line to show the crushed the promised line to show the crushed inside. So Isabelle made up her mind. Let's just have a moment of her. When she is satisfied with staying in his memory for a while, she draws a line by reminding herself of her resignation. What kind of pet would beg for its owner''s' love? Reminding herself endlessly.

"Say something nice, dear."

"...I love you."

"I didn't expect it. Right, now say something nice, and new?"

For Missy, Isabelle Grace was another fun opponent, as if she were on the palm of her hand. If it wasn't fun, she wouldn't have kept that insignificant human. Because of that, she allowed her occasional skinship for teasing. Like Isabelle hesitating and just hold a finger of Missy, she holding hands tightly and appreciate Isabelle's face turning as fresh as a teenage girl.

Isabelle devoted, obedient, and sometimes grumbles. Missy accepts that grunt, shows generosity and adores it, but does not allow affection.

Is this love? It wouldn't. There is no way to express their complicated hands with flat words like love.

Master(John Simm)

"I'm the Master."

The moment she first met the master, Isabelle Grace notices. Isabelle didn't have much to like, but one fact that she would never, no mater what, like this Time Lord.

He was Missy's past, but she is nowhere to be founded.

Isabelle's lovee for life and death was only the face of Missy and freindly voice, the past or future (not the present) was not in her own domain. Unlike when she heard about "regeneration" from Missy, Isabelle was once again grateful that Missy, who was a completely different person, has become what she is.

Sometimes watching Missy fit the Master too well, she hid her wistful look reminding that two Time Lords are same person, but that was all.

The master was unwelcome. As Miss did, it was he same that one day suddenly appeared in her life, but Isabelle felt completely different. If there is one talent for her past which look stupid and round (Missy called him this way) it would be that grumble and annoying Isabelle endlessly.

But one should never forget that the opponen is as threatening as the wolf in front of the rabbit.

"The future self of me have given you too much hope. You must have had a lot of fun playing with, huh? What should I do with you..."

To Master, Isabelle would not be a pleasant human being neither. A pet man whom his future self adores. A man possessed by Missy, quick-witted but surely insane. A rude person who does not hide her displeasure completely, with his head gently bent before him, even if she hides her lips by squeezing them.

However, it would be a pleasure ot see the reaction of a vulnerable person who can be held in had at any time.

Master(Sacha Dhawan)

"Yes! It's me, Darling. Miss me?"

After Missy died, Isabelle Grace returned to her former normal, free life. She will never forget Missy for the rest of her life, but she kept her life as if nothing had gappened. Pushing he emotions and memories that sometimes swell up on the other side.

The Master always appeared in front of her without notice.

The day she first met Missy in the forest of Marronnier, where the sun was shining, and the day she put the exiled Master from Galifrey into the Tardis.

And even this moment when she faced the Master again in a goddamn purple suit, Isabelle didn't expect it.

The Master in front of me is not Missy. Just as the former master did when he was regenerated to Misst, so was this one. But she couldn't say he wasn't completely Missy. He had memories of when Missy was with Isabelle, and there was her feelings. Although modified and buried deep, it didn't mean much.

So he can take those feelings to hostage and mock Isabelle. That was why she couldn' deny it completely, knowing he wasn't Missy. It was the reason she hated herself. She knows she's in his grasp, but Isabelle can't let go Master because he had Missy's memories.

Funnily, the Master himself also wasn't completely free from that emotions.

Isabelle Grace was a useful thing for the master. A mere human being who was once valued, but is now nothing. It was a lot of fun to see Isabelle who was distressed when he showed his meaningless memories and past emoions. It was one of Master's many specialties to hold and shake human in his hand.

If there's one thing the Master can't bear, that's Isabelle forgets him and moves on. She had to be tied to him, and she shouldn't have grown up. By all means.

Even if her Mistress died, pity cute Isabelle should always remain his pet.

#doctor who #doctorwho fanart #doctor who fan arts #doctor who oc #dw oc #Isabelle Grace #Master #Missy #Missy and OC #Master and OC #simm!master #sim!master #dhawan master

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my-simlish-addiction-sims4 · 4 years

Text

Zodiac Legacy Challenge - Updated for Island Living/Get Famous

As someone who is definitely a nerd of zodiacs, i read charts and have studied the history of astrology and all you can imagine, i became super super excited to see this type of challenge, to combine the best of both worlds; sims and zodiac signs! i wanted to make it perfect, i updated the same challengue so as the person before me did, and i kept some of the characteristics because this challengue’s been made before and its on youtube already, they were fun and pretty accurate to play. The order also stars along with the history of astrology itself! Aries. the newborn baby.

The story of astrology tells the story of the “growth” of a human race, and ourself as individuals are represented by 12 signs in each of our lifetime ages.

The story beggins with the first house of fire, Aries, the first explosion and sparkle energy, as it grows the comes the love of taurus, the sedentary life, the venus, then the knowledge of the gemini generation and the social skills, as the knowledge grows the emptiness is fulfilled by mother caring nature cancerness, family values and nuturing love. When we are all set the leo factor cames, we all want our own individuality and stardomness, we want to put our creativity and fire flames, then our virgo friend came to balance it out, pragmatic and caring nurse virgo, the helper, the one that saves them all. After that comes balance to judge us all, but in an armonic way. Then deepness with scorpio to erradicate all crimes comited, and sumerge on the deep turbulent waters that neither of us wants to face, then ofc comes the lighthearted saggittarious, warm heat stones after all that ice cutting, and then again the empire reforming of capricorn, hard working, money maker, followed by tecnology as it finest with aquarious, evolutionating of sapien sapien, and then all pure love and spiritual growht with pisces.

Starting out:

This is a 12-generation legacy, each generation represents a zodiac sign and their meaning.

Feel free tu use the cc for each sim, as you will, as long as it doesn’t break the rules. Traits for each individual will be listed in the description

Custom objects allowed also allowed

There’s different careers options for you to get creative, if the career doesn’t specify a branch or field, you can choose wich direction does your sim take on his path.

Challenge Rules:

- You’ll start out on one of the 50x50 lots or 64x64. The second one brings more difficulty to the game as it leaves you with almost no money to start in. (lot prices varies depending on the town)

No money cheats

Mods such as MC Command Center is allowed and encouraged, but not allowed for gaining advantage to your life aspiration goal, you can cheat the needs, and some relationships such as friendships as long as its not an especific goal to your zodiac sim, the aspiration needs to be hard work on you as well as the geals.

Cheating the needs is allowed, since the challenges per generation are difficult by itself, but not necessary.

CC is allowed

If you don’t complete one of the goals for the generation, you lose the challenge.

Generation One: Aries

“As the first sign in the zodiac, the presence of Aries always marks the beginning of something energetic and turbulent. They are continuously looking for dynamic, speed and competition, overcome obstacles, always being the first in everything - from work to social gatherings.

You’re competitive and hard working, and can sometimes come across as a bit arrogant. However, you have a bit of an inferiority complex, so every time your sibling or a friend succeeds, you aren’t too happy about it and always try to one up them. But after a while, you realize that you acting this way is pushing away the people you care about. Can you salvage these relationships before it’s too late and the damage is done?”

Traits: Hot-headed, Ambitious, self assured, Perfectionist, active, dance machine, loves outdoors, mean, evil (because of the happy moodlet around sims that are suffering), hates children, outgoing (you have to put one bad in)

Aspiration: Renaissance Sim

Career: politician (politician branch), Military (any branch), Bussiness (any branch), Athlete (any branch).

Goals:

- Be enemies with your sibling until you are both YA

- Only have one friend until you are a YA, since they were the only one who stuck around

- Repair your relationships as fast as possible

- Reach level ten of the fitness skill

- Reach level ten of the career

- Complete your aspiration

- Go for a jog for a total of three hours each week

- Have one kid

Generation Two: Taurus

“Practical and well-grounded, Taurus is the sign that harvests the fruits of labor. They feel the need to always be surrounded by love and beauty, turned to the material world and physical pleasures. Stable and conservative, this is one of the most reliable signs of the zodiac, ready to endure and stick to their choices until they reach the point of personal satisfaction.

You grew up truly appreciating food and what it meant. You were amazed by how a simple meal could bring a family together, and how many memories were made because of that. You were close to your parents and were taught to always stand your ground and share your opinions. However, this caused you to become a little bull-headed (pun intended). You’re super stubborn and don’t like to be wrong, and won’t admit that you are ever wrong. This makes romance hard for you, but you keep trying because you are a hopeless romantic at heart. And once you find that special someone, you are loyal ‘til the end.”

Traits: Romantic, Foodie, Materialistic, glutton, lazy, neat, squeamish, self assured, snob, bro

Aspiration: Mansion Baron

Career: Business (management branch), Culinary (chef branch)

Goals:

- Have a garden with ten perfect plants

- Only make organic meals (using ingredients, no quick meals, no eating out)

- Have a karaoke night with your family every other week

- Reach level ten of the Business/Culinary career (any branch)

- Have four kids (one set of twins, feel free to cheat for this)

- use the cheat sims.get_sim_id_by_name {PlayedSimFirstName} {PlayedSimLastName} Get the pregnant Sim's ID, then use the cheat pregnancy.force_offspring_count {simID} {amount}

- Reach Soulmate status with your spouse before becoming an elder

- Complete your aspiration

Generation Three: Gemini

“Expressive and quick-witted, Gemini represents two different personalities in one and you will never be sure which one you will face. They are sociable, communicative and ready for fun, with a tendency to suddenly get serious, thoughtful and restless. They are fascinated with the world itself, extremely curious, with a constant feeling that there is not enough time to experience everything they want to see.

Growing up, you had the “perfect life”: two parents who loved each other, lots of friends, good grades, and a beautiful house. You were living the good life, so why did you always feel like you wanted more? You decide to take a step on your own, leaving your family behind to pursue your dreams in the big city. However, you quickly realize that life is harder than it seems. You can’t find a job you’re comfortable in, you can’t hold down a relationship, but you find solace in entertaining people and throwing parties. Something about being a host really makes you feel happy.

Traits: Noncommittal, Outgoing, Insider*, paranoid, genius, materialistic, erratic, snob, hates children, vegetarian, jealous, bro, mean, active, bookworm or geek.

Aspiration: Party Animal or City native

Career: Freelancer (Fashion photographer branch, DJ), critic, mixologist (culinary career), secret agent (diamond agent branch), social media (public relations ranch), law (private attorney branch), writer (journalist branch),

Goals:

- Must have a twin (feel free to cheat for this)

- You are the opposite of your twin, in obvious ways such as style, but also in more subtle ways such as emotions and traits (for example, you could be stereotypical and make one of the twins a “preppy” person and the other an “emo” person)

- Reach level ten of the charisma skill

- Must move out to an apartment with the Needs TLC trait

- Throw every type of party at least once

- Complete your aspiration

- Have three jobs (at least one week for each) before deciding (4 in total).

- Travel to at least two community lots each week and stay there for at least an hour

- Have at least level four in three different skills by the time you’re an elder

- Learn all of the recipes from the vender stalls in City Living

- Have one set of twins (keep trying until you get them)

- Be caught cheating by your spouse (you can decide whether they stay together or not)

-As a teen needs to work as something at least a week

Generation Four: Cancer

“Deeply intuitive and sentimental, Cancer can be one of the most challenging zodiac signs to get to know. They are very emotional and sensitive, and care deeply about matters of the family and their home. Cancer is sympathetic and attached to people they keep. They are very loyal and able to empathize with other people's pain and suffering.”

In another life you would have become a doctor, but in this one you are content with looking after your family and making sure your children grow up the best they can. You’re a loving but strict parent, and just want what’s best for your children. However, will you push them away by being too overbearing?”

Traits: Gloomy, Jealous, Family-Oriented, romantic, foodie, good

Aspiration: Super Parent

Career: None, gardener (floral designer branch), writer (Author Branch).

Goals:

- Gen four heir must reach level five in Imagination and Communication as a toddler

- Master Baking skill

- Master Cooking/Gourmet Cooking skills

- Host a tea party (or a small get together) every week. Invite over your neighbors, your friends, your family, whomever you’d like. Must have a baked good for the gathering made by you.

- Complete your aspiration

- Pick up woodworking as a hobby and craft every sculpture

- You live off of your parents’ money until you get a spouse: you are to be a house wife/husband, and will never have a job. You’re allowed to sell duplicate sculptures for money, however, or books.

- Show off your sculptures by putting them on display somewhere in your house!

- Pack a lunch for your kids every morning. If you forget, make them a snack when they get home.

- Keep the house clean (all you have to do all day is chores, after all!)

- Have two kids

- Both kids need to have A’s in school

Generation Five: Leo

“People born under the sign of Leo are natural born leaders. They are dramatic, creative, self-confident, dominant and extremely difficult to resist, able to achieve anything they want to in any area of life they commit to. There is a specific strength to a Leo and their "king of the jungle" status. Leo often has many friends for they are generous and loyal. Self-confident and attractive, this is a Sun sign capable of uniting different groups of people and leading them as one towards a shared cause.

Your parents were so overbearing to you and your sibling growing up that in your teenage years you began to rebel. Staying out late, skipping class, whatever you could think of. Your parent made sure you got good grades, but you didn’t care about school. All you cared about was the spotlight. You were going to make it big, and you didn’t need calculus to help you rock out on your guitar or make the crowds feel emotions from your acting. You’re arrogant and stubborn, but determined to succeed no matter what the cost. Unfortunately, that means that you can miss out on things that are most important in life.

Traits: Self absorbed, active, outgoing, Materialistic, goofball, ambitious, self ab

Aspiration: Musical Genius/Master Actor, leader of the pack

Career: Entertainer (any branch), Actor, politician (politician branch), bussiness (investor branch),

Goals:

- Have a one night stand with a groupie/fan once you reach level five in your career, which leads to an unplanned pregnancy. Only if you’re a musician or an actor

- If your heir for this generation is male, come up with some sort of reason for why you got the baby. The mother didn’t want it, the mother died in childbirth, whatever. You can even move her in until she gives birth, then they have a big fight and she walks out on them.

- Reach level ten of the career

- Complete your aspiration

- Have one kid

- Never get married, but have as many relationships as you’d like

- Never be that present in your child’s life; you don’t want to be overbearing like your parents

- Reach level ten in a instruments (you can choose), two if you’re already a musician

- Licensing songs is okay to make some extra money

- Reach level 7 of charismatic

- Making videos is also okay for extra money

Generation Six: Virgo

“Virgos are always paying attention to the smallest details. Their methodical approach to life ensures that nothing is left to chance and their heart might be closed for the outer world. This is a sign often misunderstood, not because they lack the ability to express, but because they won’t accept their feelings as valid. The symbolism behind the name speaks well of their nature, born with a feeling they are experiencing everything for the first time.

You grew up without a strong parental figure in your life, which made it hard for you to trust other people. How do you know that they would be there for you when you truly needed them? You’re cautious and shy, but curious about the world. You truly enjoy learning and collecting things, you like to think that the best things of life are hard to find, you fish rare specimen for your food and collect spices is through hard work you enjoy more of the things at your table and by sharing this same passion is how you meet the love of your life (by collecting or at work). They are the only person you can trust, but they can tell you’re always holding yourself back and hiding parts of yourself away from them. Can a relationship last with this kind of distrust?

Traits: Neat, family oriented, squeamish, perfectionist, Good, Bookworm, snob, self assured

Aspiration: The Curator

Career: Scientist or doctor

Goals:

- Marry a coworker who has at least one trait in common with you

- Get married right before becoming an adult

-Be as healthy as you can, you can be a vegetarian if you want

- Separate from your spouse for a while after a large fight (your choice if they get back together)

- Reach level ten of the Scientist or Doctor career

- Complete your aspiration

- Have a home library (at least 25 books)

- Finish a collection (your choice)

- Have two kids

-Work as a babysitter as a teen

Generation Seven: Libra

“People born under the sign of Libra are peaceful and fair, and they hate being alone. Partnership is very important for Libra-born, and with their victorious mentality and cooperation, they cannot stand to be alone. The Libra is an Air sign, with expressed intellect and a keen mind. They can be inspired by good books, insurmountable discussions and interesting people.

You thrive on socialization. Your parents are kind of shy homebodies, but you crave constant company and cannot stand to be by yourself. This can come across as quite overbearing to some people, so sometimes it’s hard for you to make friends. And, despite being such a sociable person, you are kind of oblivious when it comes to romance. You are very childish in the best possible way, and are the kind of parent to get down in the dirt and play with your children. You are a very supportive parent and you strive to make your family as happy as they can be, through whatever means. You may love outdoors and nature and fresh air, but you hate the wild and dirty part of it, you can be Squamish, a typical balance and contradiction of a Libra.

Traits: romantic, insider, Materialistic, loves dogs, cheerful, squeamish, loves outdoors, family oriented, bro, childish, lazy, good (only one bad trait)

Aspiration: Big Happy Family

Career: Social Media (any branch), style influencer (stylist branch), law (judge law branch), photographer, Freelancer (YouTuber, Dj)

Goals:

- Go on vacation to Granite Falls every other week (or once a season)

- Encourage your children to do homework and practice skills

- Have your children max at least one skill

- Have four good friends

-have a social club or be part of one

- Be best friends with your spouse

- Visit at least one community lot each week and spend four hours socializing and meeting new sims

- Reach level ten of career

- You post a lot about your kids and about your life, so take as many pictures of your kids as you can!

- Have a wall in the house filled with family photographs

- Master photography skill

- Master parenting skill

- Complete Aspiration

- Have two kids, and adopt one (total of three kids)

Generation Eight: Scorpio

“Scorpio-born are passionate and assertive people. They are determined and decisive, and will research until they find out the truth. Scorpio is a great leader, always aware of the situation and also features prominently in resourcefulness.

You grew up watching true crime television shows and superhero movies and decided that’s what you wanted to do with your life: bring justice and fight evil. Unfortunately you can’t become a superhero, but you can become a police officer/detective. You want to make the world a better place than it was before, and you want your legacy to be something of legend. Hardworking and dedicated to your craft, you tend to focus too much on work and it puts a strain on your relationship. That’s why the deepest your partner the more you like it, or the more attached he/she is to you.

Traits: jealous, Genius, paranoid, cat lover, gloomy, looner, good.

Aspiration: Nerd Brain

Career: Detective, Oracle (criminal branch), bussiness (investor branch), secret agent (any branch), engineer (mechanical engineer branch)

Goals:

-give first kiss as a child

-get passionate as a teen, if you can, your first woohoo

- Get married to your high school sweetheart

- Reach level ten of the logic skill

- Complete your aspiration

- Reach level ten of the Detective career

- Reach level ten of the handiness skill

- Get a divorce (you can decide who gets custody of your kids)

- Get remarried as an elder, retire from your career

- Have three kids

-accept every opportunity that the games gives you to solve a case or to help people

-see one of your parents ghost and give them a hug

Generation Nine: Sagittarius

“Curious and energetic, Sagittarius is one of the biggest travelers among all zodiac signs. Their open mind and philosophical view motivates them to wander around the world in search of the meaning of life.”

You love travel and learning new things. You want to experience as much as you can in your lifetime, which means meeting people different from yourself. You heard that one of your ancestors (generation five) was a big traveler too, so you decide to follow in their footsteps.

Traits: Outgoing, Noncommittal, clumsy, insider, cheerful, bro, child of the islands, active, creative, goofball, loves outdoor, bro, slob, hates children, romantic, self assured.

Aspiration: Friend of the World or Archeology Scholar/Jungle Explorer

Career: None, astronaut, Oracle (criminal career), Athlete (profesional athlete branch), education (any branch)

Goals:

- Live in three different worlds for at least a week before settling down

- Have kids with three different people

- Never get married

- Make money freelancing (collecting, gardening, painting, writing, whatever you wish! This includes the stuff that comes along with Jungle Adventure, such as archeology and treasure hunting.)

- Completely redesign your house at least once (after settling down for good)

- Go to every festival (unless you’re at work/on a date/at a wedding/etc)

- Travel to the Nightclub every Friday

- Complete aspiration

- Master dancing skill

- Master comedy skill

-Work as a life guard as a teen

Generation Ten: Capricorn

“Capricorn is a sign that represents time and responsibility, and its representatives are traditional and often very serious by nature. These individuals possess an inner state of independence that enables significant progress both in their personal and professional lives. They are masters of self-control and have the ability to lead the way.”

You hated how free spirited and laid back your parent was, and craved structure and discipline. Since a teen, you had a schedule every day after school: do homework, practice your skills for an hour, eat dinner, go to bed. Moving around so often meant that you didn’t make many friends, so you chose to devote all of your time to mastering as many skills as you could. But focusing in on one detail of life made you miss out on the bigger picture.

Traits: Ambitious, Snob*, bookworm, mean, unflirty, perfectionist, neat, family-oriented, looner.

Aspiration: Fabulously Wealthy

Career: critic, bussiness (management brand),

Goals:.

- Reach level ten of the Tech Guru career (either branch).

- Master logic skill

- Have at least level seven in three other skills (your choice)

- Follow a schedule every day; spontaneity is not your strong suit

- Get married as an adult to someone who shares at least one of your traits and is in the same career as you.

- Live in an expensive house (200,000 simoleons or more) by the time you’re an adult

- Surround yourself only with other snobby people

- Buy an expensive item every Wednesday. (Perhaps even start a collection of expensive artwork or sculptures and showcase them somewhere in your house. Feel free to get creative with it.)

Generation Eleven: Aquarius

Unique, eccentric Aquarius’ are shy and quiet, but on the other hand they can be are deep thinkers and highly intellectual people who love helping others. They are able to see without prejudice, on both sides, which makes them people who can easily solve problems.”

Aquarius also represents the house of friends and society, people as a collective, so as much a they are weirdos they are usually a team player.

Who ever said eccentricity was a bad thing? You are a little out there and can be pretty spacey sometimes, but overall you are very passionate about your morals and strive to make other people’s lives better. Just be careful not to become a pushover.

Traits: Self-assured, Erratic, Ambitious, geek or genius, outgoing, creative, friendly, goofball, dog lover, insider

Aspiration: Leader of the Pack

Career: Guru tech, freelancer (programmer branch), level 10 in scientist, style influencer (trend setter branch), politician (charity organizer branch), engineer (computer programmer branch).

Goals:

- Reach level ten of the Politician career, either branch

- Complete your aspiration

- Have a club gathering at least once a week (your club can literally be for anything! Get creative!)

- Have three kids, get married as an adult

- Have at least four good friends (they don’t have to be a part of your club)

- Reach level ten of the Wellness skill

Generation Twelve: Pisces

“Pisces are very friendly, so they often find themselves in a company of very different people. Pisces are selfless, they are always willing to help others, without hoping to get anything back.”

You love to socialize and surround yourself with all different kinds of people. Your parents loved you and raised you to be kind and perhaps a bit sensitive. You can be insecure at times, especially when it comes to your significant other. For some reason, you can’t seem to stay in a relationship for very long. Is there a way to fix this?

Part of you already understand the important things in life, an incredible spiritual soul ready for feel the connection to earth or the real things of life, very namaste and zen.

Traits: Creative, Jealous, child of the ocean (obligatory), good, vegetarian, lazy, loves outdoors, dog/cat lover, foodie

Aspiration: Soulmate

Career: Painter, conservationist, veterinarian, astronaut

Goals:

As the last generation feel free to have kids if you want, preferably not

Have at least three friends of a different race/gender/sexuality than your sim

Reach level ten of the Painting skill

Must go through at least two boyfriends or girlfriends before settling down

Have two kids

Own a pool (at least a 4x4 size)

master the wellness skill

Work as a fiver as a teen (island living)

Make an activist club with your friends to fight for injustice or become a mermaid

Omg we have finally made it to the end of this challengue! i hope you had an amazing time just as i did, and had loved each one of the generations. For me they were all amazing. Sendind all love, please lets give an amazing applause and thank you to the founders of this challengue trend Pagenta and AutumnalPixels let’s all give love to this amazing comunity, and please share your videos, your challengue journey and feel free to send me any picture and update!

please share this and thanks for all the love, i’m always gratefull

i love you guys so much and Peace <3

#ts4 #sims #sims 4 #sims 4 legacy #sims 4 challenge #sims 4 challengesims 4 legacy ts4 the sims 4 sims 4 #sims 4 challengue #sims 4 zodiac #zodiac signs s4 #ts4 zodiac #ts4 zodiac signs #ts4 astrology #astrology #the sims 4 zodiac signs #sims 4 astrology #s4 zodiac signs #zodiac challengue #ts4 zodiac challengue

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baobaojng · 4 years

Text

what the water gave me - three

what the water gave me - one, two, three

kim junmyeon (suho) x reader - god!au , paranormal-ish!au

themes: angst, fluff, smut (in the future)

warnings: fic might be a bit graphic, mentions of some characters aren’t historically accurate.

summary: the group of gods had something coming for them, and they did not know what— because of this, you were forced to go back to an old part of yourself you’d sworn to hide away. but of course, everything else would be made complicated when you’d meet the god of water.

wordcount: 6,278

“I’ll get the last slice.” Junmyeon said, not being able to have at least a bite of the crepes you had made together. The other boys had demolished them right after Kyungsoo claimed they were ‘heavenly,’ begging for your recipe. Though everybody else protested, they gave in because they knew he didn’t get to try any of it. You excused yourself from the dining table, wanting to take a breather on you own. Everybody else was pretending that they didn’t spy on you and Junmyeon in the kitchen, but even if they didn’t - they could see the way you stole glances as you watched them eat the dessert you prepared.

You looked at Junmyeon who was looking back with eyes filled with an expression as if to say - do you want me to come with you - but you softly shook your head no and walked off anyway.

Again did you find yourself in the spacious hallways, the ceilings were somehow higher here than they were in the rooms. It was all painted in cream white, but the stained glass windows emitted a baby blue tone to the surroundings. Red carpets were lain in the middle of the walkway, and you balanced every step to try and form a straight line as you went by. The night sky was filled again, and some sense of wonder washed over you when you saw how the stars twinkled around like diamonds. You closed your eyes to take in the feeling, it was odd - you easily forgot all the things that inhibited you from using your strengths, even if it meant that it would be a few seconds.

You were about to trip on the tassels of the ends of the carpet when you felt your ankle tighten; Minseok aiding you through frost, thawing it away when you regained a little bit more composure.

“Do you want to see our gallery?” He whispered and suspiciously looked around if anyone was there with you.

In the same tone you answered back, “is no one else supposed to know about it?”

“Everyone knows about it, but Junmyeon might not want you to see it.”

“Why wouldn’t he?” Was there anything to hide?

“The gallery holds a lot of sacred history.” Jongin appeared out of practically nowhere, but that wasn’t something that surprised you. “Maybe there’s sensitive content.” He winked a little bit but Minseok interjected.

“Don’t scare her!”

“It isn’t like you weren’t the one offering to take her to see the gallery like it was a drug deal.” Jongin defended himself, and now all you can see were two bickering men.

“So are any of you actually taking me, or do I have to figure it out on my own?” They needed a little interruption. Otherwise, they would have created a ruckus where there wasn’t supposed to.

“Of course we’re taking you, if we don’t then where’s the fun in that?” Minseok said.

A lot of twists and turns of the hallways leading up to the gallery were waiting for the three of you, Jongin swore he could have just teleported you but Minseok insisted that you had to familiarize yourself with the mansion anyway. On the way there, conversation was struck up - and you had learned that Minseok was the eldest of the gods, his power quite similar to Junmyeon’s. They worked hand in hand often times, but he preferred to take on the role to give Junmyeon brotherly advice when needed. Before he could continue on to share his story, you stopped in front of a large wooden door with a golden latch sitting perfectly in the middle of the parting - it looked similar from all the other ones you passed by.

“Go ahead, try.” Minseok said, waving his hands toward the direction of the door. If you thought it was as simple as opening the door, you were wrong. It felt like you were inserting yourself through concrete: impossible.

“Not like that.” Minseok said, but you still exerted your weight.

“Hyung, are we not going to get into trouble?” Jongin wondered.

“I’m sure he’ll understand,” Minseok spoke as if you weren’t there, “if you’ll never figure it out, you’ll always be in harm. This is just a little bit of practice.” He directly told you, but you still couldn’t understand.

“Try, Y/N. I meant, try.” He encouraged you.

“What do you mean?” You still didn’t get it.

“Try with how you can see.” He hinted on it, and you had to take a deep breath for what you knew you had to do next.

Fingertips found their way somewhere by the big door, you tried to feel the way the tree was carved and how it was made into this monstrosity of a door. Suddenly you saw visions of a seedling, somewhere in the forest of the god, growing and growing and growing, until it had been chopped down and carved by their angels. You swore you smelt the faint scent of paint, seeing each stroke of a painter’s brush. Then you heard familiar laughter, Chanyeol and Baekhyun running down this very hallway as they passed by but dressed in Victorian suits. You saw each other boy in different phases, Minseok even growing a thin mustache at one point. Tiny photographs into a memory: Junmyeon with a woman’s arm wrapped around his, you could see how his front teeth shone out of happiness. And then he controlled the latch of the door with his power, the slightest amount of sweat making a creaking sound. Before you could interrupt this memory, you opened your eyes.

You felt light headed, your knees bending back slightly only having Jongin and Minseok assist you back into bette posture. “Are you alright?”

A laugh left your lips, you were, you definitely were. “A little practice, right?” They both looked impressed. Without any words, you controlled the latch with nothing but your mind.

Then, you had successfully opened the door. “Before you.” You told the two of them, and they did.

The same blue reflections flooded the massive hall, it was wide - and there were some smaller doors by the sidelines. Minseok found the lights, turning them on to reveal warmer hues that lit up each painting and each statue.

You realized that this gallery was dedicated entirely to who they were in all the different lives they sought out— each human they pretended to be, all the eras they lived. Personal documentations of memory, carved into stone or painted on canvas.

This was a goldmine to your clairvoyance, each object a whole different set of memories you could experience with a single touch.

“The ones you can see are mostly from after we won the great war.” Jongin pointed out, and you observed all of them.

“After the great war...” You wanted to know which one this was, if their wars were any different from the wars the human race had suffered.

“The war of men, when they invented machines and they killed their own to discover the kind of destruction that could divide them further as a race.” Minseok described with not lingering emotion, but talking with some attachment to it.

“The world war?” You asked and they both nodded.

Minseok pointed at all the different models of themselves, “but these don’t hold much meaning to them. These were the days where we only had to keep an eye out for little chaoses and made little ones of our own. More like our days of leisure, when we really lived like men.”

“I’m sure they do hold meaning,” you said hoping to make sense to the two of them, “I don’t think gods are as sentimental as us, but I bet you spent your time in the most happiness. If this was after the war, it should have kept you feeling happier that you were secure.”

“Gods are never secure, dear. These are only illusions of that faith, even if the rest of us did have our versions of leisure - there was always one that reminded us of our real duties on this earth. And he never let us forget.” A large faded gray photograph was isolated from all the rest in the middle of the wall. Junmyeon wore a tailored suit, his hair cut a little bit shorter and slicked back, no emotion in his eyes when this was taken. You did not recognize this version of Junmyeon.

“Suho, 1947.” You read at the plaque that labeled it.

“A little after the second world war ended, all the most important men were allowed to take photos and this was the only one he asked to take.” Jongin said.

But Minseok intruded to say something again, “but his wars never did end, he has always been worrying. I fear he always will be.”

“He takes his responsibility too seriously.” You had to agree, even if you were not knowledgeable about the extents of his leadership.

“It is because it is all we will ever know in our never-ending lives, and he is the only one to deeply cherish it.” Minseok said. “And this is when I tell you it is important for you to understand the waters you swim in, it means one thing to love a god but another when a god chooses to feel the same way.” He meant it literally and metaphorically.

You leaned to look at the picture again, only wanting to hear whatever else Minseok had to say.

“He knows what he is, and he will always be this, I’m sure you understand the dangers.” He finished simply.

You shoulders slumped just a little bit, “I’m bummed that I am not exactly certain of what I feel, Minseok.”

“You don’t have to, don’t you? It’s all the same without the declarations anyway, you like him or you love him - you’re on the way toward professing these feelings or catching them. If they’re real and there aren’t big obstacles you have to roll over to get to him and for the two of you to find each other, then it should be clear like it is right now. There is something there, and these are the things you are afraid of: all the technical god crap.” Jongin offered, and there was no way you could contest to that.

“I’m not telling you any of this is your fault don’t let the god crap get in the way of what your heart tells you, but I just want to tell you that there isn’t anything wrong with emotions - just be prepared when anything happens.” Minseok tried to give half a smile, but it was all alright in your head.

Of course you understood.

You looked around a a little bit more, but before you left you grazed your hands a little on Junmyeon’s painting.

You saw the moment the picture was taken, men all around him - the camera man signaling through a countdown on his fingers when he’d click the button attached by the large wire before disappearing under the curtain. Junmyeon just looked into the camera, as if it had hurt him to do so.

—

When you knocked at the door of his study, he did not expect for you to come in. He was reading an old favorite book of his, it was the eleventh time he has decided to re-read it but it made him feel the same way it made him feel all the time.

“Late night reading?” You asked him, as he looked up at you. You noticed the reading glasses he wore (they probably weren’t even necessary for him to wear) and how he seemed to look even younger now than he did in the photograph you had seen. The memory of him looking that way couldn’t be shaken off of your head, you had to remind yourself that this was Junmyeon now and he looked and felt like a much different person.

“Says she who wandered around for quite a while.” His eyebrow raised and you were suddenly beaten at teasing.

“You’re just a little disappointed I didn’t ask you to come with me.” And he nodded all too quickly at that. A smile crept on your lips and you took some steps closer to him, you pinched at the corners of the book he was reading. “May I?” He did not know how to respond, but he let you do whatever it was you had to.

“This is the twelfth time you are reading this book, and it’s your favorite.” you describe to him - you could see much more than what you were leading on but you simply did not tell him. There could have been more to say, but you did not want to exert yourself any further.

He was pleased, “I think that’s enough peeking through for a while.” He requested, seeing that you were a little out of breath after keeping your hands there for a little too long now.

“Did you go up to the roof when you were looking around?” Junmyeon asked, hoping you hadn’t.

“No, just few of the rooms. Minseok and Jongin bumped into me and helped me get around so I wouldn’t get lost. This place is enormous.”

“Did they tell you about the house itself?” You murmured a no, wanting for him to continue. “This place doesn’t exist.”

“But I’m here though, aren’t I? Does that not qualify enough for it to exist?” There was going to be an interesting explanation for this.

“I mean it does, it just isn’t really settled between the border of your world and our’s. We can manipulate this entire house if we want more rooms, if we want to hide some, we can change the way this place looks out of thin air.”

You sniggered, “of course; you’re gods. I’d be surprised if you couldn’t do anything of the sort.”

“You’re pretty hard to impress.” He sighed sarcastically.

“Don’t you know how to charm women, Junmyeon?” You teased and he jokingly pressed at his chest, pretending to be hurt by the question.

“Of course I do, it’s all just a little different. Sometimes I could tell them that they’re the prettiest flowers I’ve ever seen, sometimes I give them gifts and ask them if they are free to go for lunch or dinner. I could charm their parents if needed for their hand.” He described from experience.

A ‘tsk’ left your mouth, “you’re such a textbook kind of man.” You giggled when his expression blanked, he felt like he wanted to curl up into a ball - half anxious that he felt just so shy. “Tell me about me, how would you charm me?” Matter pressed upon him he stood up from his chair to stand next to you, leaning on the desk.

A hum left his closed lips, looking over at you. Your eyes were a little bit puffy, it told him that you seldom slept. Your cheeks flushed and your breathing staggered; he knew you felt just as nervous but you were trying to act like you had it all handled anyway. Your hair flew around at the edges of your face, but tucked carefully behind your left ear. But your eyes stared up at him like he was the first thing you’ve ever seen.

“I’d tell this beautiful creature that she is a labyrinth of emotion, that I cannot comprehend her own knowledge most times because it intrigues me. I have not felt this way before about anyone else, because maybe the higher gods created her in likeness of everything that scares me but draws me in. If that isn’t exceptional at the very least, I’ll tell her that she’s made me smitten - if that matters at all to her.”

—

A week passed, and things were sailing significantly smoother. You settled into a new room in the house (they had to keep you waiting for an hour before they fabricated what they thought was an appropriate room), and it all really felt natural. Everything was soft practice of your power, a lingering touch here and there just for you to be able to get used to the surge of energy your body spent.

Kyungsoo gave you free reign to disturb him in the kitchen when he prepared meals or simply when one of you wanted to prepare something, Yixing would pop in sometimes to be the judge of the food (to which he was always impressed with.) Jongdae, Sehun, and Minseok brought you to work and picked you up, the car rides were actually just mini concerts. Chanyeol, Jongin, and Baekhyun would randomly take you away to have what they called ‘fun,’ but really it would be Baek and Chanyeol bickering and Jongin finding the ordeal entertaining. The more chaotic three would also encourage you to take more shots at using your abilities promising to keep it a secret between the four of you, for the most part it was easier for you to understand memories now - to read particular pieces without having your head throb to really force yourself to understand.

Evenings were spent with Junmyeon, and in the span of time you really got to know each other better. It was easier to make him laugh, and it was easier for him to ease his terrible jokes into conversation - but you liked his jokes. You established a sort of understanding— disappearing to walk in the gardens at night, stealing glances in the chilly night air and talking about what you loved and what you hated and everything in between. Your hands would graze; you walked together in minimal distance, but blushed each time you felt him. At this point, it felt like you knew each other’s secrets. Bonding over the idea of companionship, sharing the deepest ideas your minds could conjure. Alas, you kept sacred parts of yourself tucked away out of fear, never wanting for him to know the stains your hands still had - invisible stains of guilt residing in between your fingernails. And he too: bottling up his own weaknesses, not being able to rationalize how to tell you and if he thought it was necessary to at all.

Each time you’d get back inside there would always be good news from the boys, conditions were reverting a little bit better and a little bit more normal. Junmyeon would not lie if he had said that this did not disappoint him, as wrong as it did sound, maybe whatever this force was dissipated and he quite feared that there would be no reason to keep you with them longer.

Even though things seemed to get better, you found yourself in fear. You had dreams at night about this cloudy dark figure was absorbing more life for it to animate itself, it had glowing eyes that would stare back at you with the demand of your sanity. You discussed this with Junmyeon many many times, all the nights the same recurring image would wake you up from slumber. This was the only thing that bothered him for the past week, but everything else was swell. When you did mention these dreams to the rest of the boys over breakfast they reacted quickly, not failing to express how worrisome this might actually mean.

“The threat isn’t completely gone because the symptoms are slowly disappearing.” Yixing said, in the most suiting set of words he could.

Junmyeon agreed but he was caught in a dilemma. “How are we meant to deal with it when we do not know what it is?” No one came up with immediate answers, everybody just looking at each other in hopes of an idea.

“Maybe you haven’t really considered my former suggestion?” You told Junmyeon, and he could not recall what it was. Details were forgotten and replaced by the moments you spent together, and he was guilty that he was clueless at the moment.

“Which was?” He asked you, and it worried him when you put your hand on top of his own in an effort to possibly prepare him - warn him almost.

“The oracles, Myeon. Maybe they can help us.” All the while he had thought that maybe you would forget you ever mentioned this, but he did. Everybody was waiting for a response, and he knew that this was the last place he’d ever want to resort to but he sighed.

“Okay.”

—

When anyone mentioned the ‘oracles,’ there were many of the sort: the oracles patronized by the higher gods, the oracles patronized by the likes of you, and the oracles patronized by Junmyeon. Gods and oracles had bounded relationships; only patron oracles could bind with the fortunes of the gods they served. The oracles he typically consulted were three hours away, and to Jongin’s dismay - you would go there by vehicle.

It came to no surprise at all that you were sitting in the backseat next to Junmyeon, Sehun was taking the passenger’s seat and Minseok was driving. The other car was obviously noisier; the rest of the boys jam packed in the larger van, you had to thank Yixing for taking one for the team to drive. Junmyeon was silent for the first few minutes of the car ride, his sitting position a lazy slump as he tapped at any surface his hands could find. It was difficult for you not to notice that he had something on his mind; you were always so used to him telling you whatever he felt out of the blue.

You rested your head upon his chest, looking up at him to see the dazed look on his face. “Are you hoping to get answers?” Your voice muffled against his coat.

He placed his palm over your hair, the curve of your head. You could feel his heart pound in his chest, the way it rose with every inhale and exhale. “I am, but at the same time it worries me that I demand answers.”

“Don’t be afraid,” you reassured breathing him in, he wanted to tell you why he should be. Gods were not indestructible. He only waited in silence, the warmth of your skin on his as you drifted off into slumber.

Where you arrived, you honestly did not expect at all. In the middle of a busy street of a dark and cloudy city was a cupcake shop that stood out in vibrant color. To everyone else that got out of their respective rides, they did not even bat an eyelash at the building.

You thought perhaps that maybe someone was hungry and wanted to stop by.

That was until Junmyeon charged forward, the first to enter and everyone else following behind him. Baekhyun was left to stand next to you, it seemed matters were going to be taken as they traditionally would by Junmyeon’s formalities. “He told me to stay here with you to keep you from going in, something about this being a matter between us?” Baek tried to explain, but you weren’t catching on with this.

“Am I not meant to go inside and find out what the oracles have to say?” You asked, a little bit frustrated and Baekhyun shook his head.

“I take orders and I follow them, I live by code.” He said, making fake cross marks over his heart.

“I clearly remember you telling me something about this body of yours being a mere vessel of yourself,” you said threatening him, “remember when I tried detaching it from your actual form?” The taunt almost immediately worked; Baekhyun suddenly had flashbacks of the time you were drunk and he angered you when you worked together - you had scarily tried to use your telekinesis on his human form. Poor guy.

It was no hard job to get him to accompany you inside to find out what was happening. You saw that the inside of the shop was even more elaborate than you imagined: streamers lining up the corners of the ceiling, cabinets lined up with all kinds of candy, display cabinets of goodies, the floor like a chess board of alternating pieces, irregular chairs and tables mixed and matched, but more importantly the red that accented the place. It was a little girl’s wet dream all wrapped into one space.

A small ding welcomed you, a bell system placed by the top of the door frame. “Are we really in the right place?” You asked Baekhyun, realizing now that the rest of the boys were not inside as you were expecting.

“Only as right as you’d think.” Baekhyun squared his vision at you, until a woman approached the two of you in glee.

“How may I help you?” Her hand immediately grasped yours and a stream of visions ran through your mind: the repetitive sound of the bell ringing and different sorts of people coming in and out of this place. It was once a hair salon, a parlor, a travel agency office, and all the other things you could imagine it to be. But it was always the same door, the same bell, and the same kind of greeting.

“You saw the rest of them come inside, I’m sure there’s no need to ask, Yerim.” Baekhyun said and the girl pouted as she let go of your hand, clueless that you knew who she was and what she was.

“She’s a new face, can’t you allow me to be excited? We only ever get to see the same gods all the time, it can get quite boring.” She complained, but walked and signaled for you to follow her. Stopping in front of a whimsically carved door, she looked at the two of you, but mostly Baekhyun. “You know how this works, when she gives the fortune there must be no interruption or the natural balance of the worlds might tip over, okay?” The casual tone bothered you.

Opening the door and letting the two of you inside, you were met by a dead silent room. The first thing you saw were all of the boys’ backs as they faced the elevated flooring but they did not notice as you entered, and you immediately saw the beautiful woman sitting on the largest plush throne, four other thrones in the line-up (much smaller in comparison) two on each of her side - seated with also beautiful women but one seat was vacant (you assumed it was Yerim’s proper seat.)

“Isn’t this a surprise? Joy, tell me this isn’t a surprise.” Her perfectly red stained lips were pointed to a smirk she looked at the woman who sat next to her, but she did not seem to notice your arrival as her eyes fixated on only after she had asked her question. Her voice echoed around the room, you grabbed Baekhyun to allow the two of you to stay a little better hidden behind the curtains; you did not arrive during the correct moment. The tension in the room rubbed off of you and you could partially understand why you were not allowed to go.

He coughed a little awkwardly, an attempt to greet her came out with a nod. “Irene.”

“Have you come to find me again after all these years?” The tone was questionable, but you did not mind it.

Junmyeon stood firmer, setting his feet flatter on the tiled floor. In an act of intimidation, he tried to make it clear that he was in fact the god in the room. “You know why I’m here,” he scoffed, “if you did not, then I wouldn’t be shocked at your incompetence.”

It was her turn to take offense, her tongue clicking at the roof of her mouth. “Yes I do, of course. But it seems that you are in my house, meaning to ask me the questions, for answers you so desperately want.”

“Have you forgotten your place?” Junmyeon was agitated.

“Maybe you forget that only I can give you the

answers you seek.” This meant that she already saw him coming. He sighed in defeat, she already played her pieces correctly. No more words spoken, only knowing glances with the three other oracles who exited the room, you held in your breathing as they left through the same doors you had entered.

“This needs to be settled between the two of us.” Irene spoke and Junmyeon gave go signals for the rest of the boys, he walked up the carpeted steps to her throne as she held her hand out - the oracle was regal, like an ornament dangling from his arm. Even through careful quiet breaths a pang went through your chest; the electricity of the pair just made so much sense to you. So much so you could not help but feel they had matched perfectly, it was jealousy and paranoia brewing somewhere. The two of them disappeared in a blink, leaving behind a trail of fog. Suddenly, you could breathe a little deeper.

Baekhyun pulled you out of the curtains, “that was by far the worst game of hide and seek I have ever played!” He complained, clutching down to catch his own breath. All the boys flocked to the two of you, no words of scolding whatsoever. There were underlying implications to their reactions, but by the way you looked they knew that there was more than being lead on.

“Y/N?” Minseok asked as he noticed your panicked daze.

“Should I not have snuck in?” You had asked all of them, but no one could answer you.

“It wasn’t wrong, but this is not for us to tell. If you want to know then it is really up to you.” The eldest relayed in response, only nods from everybody followed. “If you really want to, I will sneak you in more than you already have.”

Only a few seconds and you found yourself inside a closet with Minseok. There were cracks of light peeking through from the outside, and he put his index finger close to his mouth to tell you not to make a sound.

“You’re in terrible danger.” You could hear her voice, their shadows making blocking the passages of light. It sounded monotone, no conversational tension or emotion like you heard it earlier; she was giving the fortune. “Only two can tip the scales of life, you need to find the hermit for he can tell you how to keep them balanced.” But then her voice started to become distorted, echoes and layers of different octaves made their way out her lips. “She who grazes death can stop him.”

“He is coming.” The oracle fainted, Junmyeon tumbling all the way to catch her on the floor. It did not take long for her to regain her consciousness, her head on his lap as he supported it with his hands. Watching from behind the cracks of the cabinet, you grasped at Minseok’s shoulder, not having a good feeling about this.

She took a hand to his cheek, slowly rising up to place a kiss on Junmyeon’s lips.

You could only panic, the sudden action confirmation of your earlier feelings. Your hands found something behind you to hold on to, and they landed on to a small box.

Out of the height of your emotions, the next few things were out of your control. Suddenly you were taken back in time, it seems it was after the great war. Irene and Junmyeon are always together: you see them strolling hand-in-hand through the remnants of the wreckage, stealing looks in champagne parties with old friends. Then the more intimate memories. Even before the war, when they first met, a god meeting the oracle bound for him - some strange tension. Up until the great war was over, all the times they had spent together, kissing in secret rooms. Through memories you can hear him whisper into her ear, “I can never feel this way ever again,” she giggled, “you and I are bound together.” The way he looked at her was like he had never been more sure about anything more in his life, and then it all tied down together, the box you were holding contained the ring he gave her. An act of material promise of spending eternal life together.

Things had fallen in the cabinet - pushing objects to the door and prying it open, creating a loud sound after your hands were placed accidentally on the box - you managed to destroy the balance of everything else when you had drained yourself trying to get through the visions. This had interrupted their kiss, Junmyeon looking at you in shock.

Jongin could not have come at a better moment, probably waiting through the nets of time. One second you and Minseok were both in a panicked state while hiding in a closet, and the other second the three of you were at some random highway.

You didn’t notice the tears streaming down your face until Minseok took to wiping them away with his sleeves.

It felt like you had been cheated. All promises of being the only one who ever made him feel that way were thrown out as silly words that probably did not mean a thing. The tingling touches and every effort to make your heart burst were now probably a minuscule comparison to her. Now you did not believe him, or the few days you have spent trying to understand him because you felt something. But that was it, it only felt like ‘something.’ You were running back to the same insecurities you thought you had surpassed: you were only a human caught up in this mix. They were souls intertwined, you were no great love.

“Please take me to the mansion, I don’t want to be there when he comes back.” You told the two men, no sadness through your voice the only evidence of shock were the tears streaming down.

There were no if’s and but’s, within a few seconds Jongin brought you back.

—

“I might be overreacting, but at this point, I am not part of this mess and I never should have been.” You explained to the two of them as they sadly watched you pack up your things as you sat down, your powers doing all the work for you. You were definitely already ugly crying; to immediately decide to not want to be somewhere with people you were finally attached to was absurd to anybody else who heard it— but you knew you were out of place here; you were not part of the fortunes, you definitely did not need any more protection, and you knew it would break your heart to look at Junmyeon.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Jongin asked you, you knew they were expecting a ‘no’ as they were kind enough to give no protests when you said that you were going to leave. It’s only been twenty or so minutes, but you were making a race against time in fear that Junmyeon would coax all the other boys to get here faster by using their own abilities instead of taking the cars with them. Luckily, the transporting one was with you.

“Yes, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t care.” You sighed, dragging your arm by your face to catch the tears. “It’s only been a week or so, but I feel like I’ve really bonded with all of you so easily. I hate to do this, but I can’t be comfortable with the idea of being a liability to anyone - let alone being in the same house with somebody who can only look at someone like that the way he did to her. I saw how it was, and I don’t want to hurt myself and force myself to believe he can feel for me more than that. I’m nothing compared to her.”

“Don’t say that.” Minseok pouted.

A shrug left your shoulders. “What else can I when it is blatantly obvious?” You looked at the two of them again, but now much more stern. “Please, let’s just get this over with.”

Before you left, you wanted to take the quickest possible walk you could down the hall. The same one you always found yourself in. The window was open, the same one you all were in when you got here with Junmyeon after deciding to stay.

Light from the moon was casted in, but in the darkest hue you’ve ever seen. As you walked closer, you noticed an animal by the windowsill.

There was a dead bird there, much like the one Sehun had been cradling before. You could not help it, your hands reached to touch it. A small feeling in your gut wanted to make you believe that there was still hope, that it could live, but all you could touch was the cold and it strike a cut through your bones.

All you can suddenly see was black, no sound surrounding you. Just red glowing eyes staring back at you like a void that could strip all the life away from your limbs. “Have you missed me?” It was dark, lifeless, and it numbed you.

Quickly withdrawing back your hands, you felt air being sucked away from the inside of your lungs as your throat dried. You were pulled back into color, everything coming back to you now.

For two years you never thought it would ever happen, but here you were. Your heart was pounding so loudly.

“Shall we go?” Jongin asked, you tried hiding the little jump you made. He scared you.

“Yes.” You nodded, but you felt the cold sweat go down your neck.

Mara was coming, and he was making you know that he was.

#exo fic #junmyeon smut #exo scenario #junmyeon fluff #kim junmyeon #junmyeon angst #junmyeon x reader #junmyeon fic #junmyeon fanfic #junmyeon scenario #suho angst #suho x reader #suho fanfic #suho fic #suho fluff #suho #suho scenarios #suho smut

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itsclydebitches · 5 years

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RWBY: The Horcrux Theory

Yesterday when I answered the lovely @leonhaxor‘s ask, I was surprised by the number of people who said they hadn’t heard about this theory before; people like me who are invested in the characterization of Volume Six and presumably would have come across it. I figure then that I either saw this theory on another blog and it didn’t spread in the way I assumed it would, or I thought of it myself, forgot it, and upon remembering it assumed I’d seen it elsewhere. Considering both of these things have happened to me in the past more than once (woo shit memory!), your guess is as good as mine. The important thing is the theory is here now and I’d like to take the time to lay it out in a more organized---and hopefully more persuasive*---manner.

(*As a bit of a disclaimer, I’m really just working with what I perceive as a valid interpretation of the text, not a theory in the sense that I expect Rooster Teeth to implement it in Volume Seven. If that were the case, I’d have expected our finale to paint Ruby and the rest as less heroic/justified in their actions, instead emphasizing how OOC they are, thereby setting up a situation wherein they would eventually question why their outlook and behavior has changed so drastically. But we didn’t get that. So this is less, “Sincere expectations for Volume Seven!” and more “Based on what Volume Six gives us, this is a plot twist that could work for these reasons...”)

Let’s start with the title. For anyone who may not know, a horcrux is a magical object within the Harry Potter universe that houses a piece of someone’s soul, a way of ensuring that they live on even if their body is killed. Within the plot, Voldemort (our primary antagonist) creates multiple horcruxes, one of which is carried by our heroes over a long journey. The object’s dark nature as well as its limited ability to think for itself results in a dramatic change in the group over time. They become moodier, more prone to fighting, and one character in particular, Ron, succumbs to a number of doubts and fears he’s been carrying since we met him at the start of the series. Thanks to the horcrux’s influence, he ends up acting in ways he otherwise never would have, including saying things he does not mean (“Your parents are dead. You have no family!”) and settling on courses of actions he later regrets (abandoning the group).

We can see some similarities then between the two situations, both in the Relic’s potential influence on those who carry it---to the point where, the longer they hold onto it, the more likely they are to act in ways contrary to their nature---and in the concept of a magical object being able to think for itself. Obviously Jinn is far more of a person than a sliver of a soul is, but the point is each has a certain amount of agency. As leonhaxor points out in response to my original post, there are also numerous similarities between this potential setup and the ring from Lord of the Rings. There we have another powerful, semi-sentient magical object carried by our heroes over a long journey, slowly corrupting them overtime. I think the variety of source material here is worth noting. Meaning, it doesn’t matter which comparison between stories is “best,” but rather that such comparisons are common. The Corruptible Object is an established motif in fantasy storytelling and RWBY is a web series that is highly invested in re-creating standard setups (such as fairy tales) and then attempting to subvert/complicate them. It makes a great deal of sense then that they would use a trope seen in two of the most popular fantasy series ever created, and then work to update it: the Relic is not a simplistic, pure evil thing like the ring or a horcrux is. It functions in similar ways, but---like most else in RWBY post-Volume Three---has a more complex morality attached to it. Jinn seems kindly at times, the Relic was created by the God of Light, etc. Form then, our expectations for how Rooster Teeth pulls from popular storytelling and incorporates those elements into their narrative, can be used as a potential bit of evidence.

But onto the juicier stuff.

The first thing that’s worth establishing is that all of Ozpin’s plans and choices function on multiple levels. For example, take letting Ruby into Beacon. He seems to have done this because she’s a prodigy, and because she has an excellent moral compass, and because a Silver Eyed Warrior is useful in the fight against Salem, and because Beacon is the safest place for someone belonging to a group that Salem has actively hunted in the past, and because she’s now drawn attention to herself by fighting Roman and Cinder. Phew. There’s a lot at play here. This sort of thinking is important because even if we introduce the possibility of the Relic encouraging negative emotions, it means we needn’t undermine any of the already established reasons for Ozpin’s choices in regards to its safety. Why does he put the Relic in a massive, underground vault that looks like it exists in its own pocket of reality?

Obviously to make it difficult to get at, but also, perhaps, to make sure that the Relic is as far away from humanity as possible, unable to influence them. (As a side note: creating what essentially looks like a mini-dimension removed from the real world would definitely drain someone of their remaining magic.) When Yang first enters the vault we see bits of dirt and sand floating upwards, defying gravity, much like how the snow stops when Jinn appears. The Relic appears to have an impact on its environment, perhaps one that grows stronger the longer it stays in one place. Ozpin hides it deep below the earth, in its own little pocket of reality, because otherwise having the Relic sit in one place for too long is going to cause real problems.

Why put it under a school? Both so that there’s extra protection and because these are the people most equipped to deal with the Relic’s influence. If it does still manage to produce negativity---and as a result draws more Grimm---do you want a bunch of untrained civilians dealing with that, or the people used to both managing stress and fighting monsters? Why take the Relic immediately to Atlas? Because, as said, safety works in a multitude of ways. You’ve put the Atlesian army between both Salem and any Grimm the Relic may call; you’ve put the Relic in the city that’s most prepared to deal with the consequences attached to it. All of Ozpin’s choices remain logical even if we introduce the possibility that the Relic is capable of more than just answering questions.

But I’m actually getting ahead of myself. We’re still working under the assumption that the Relic produces negativity at all, so let’s take a moment to lay out some evidence for that.

In short, it comes down to the fact that the Relic attracts Grimm. Ozpin says straight out that he's not “entirely sure” why this is the case, but he clearly has theories, one of which has to do with the Grimm’s “origins.” AKA, the God of Darkness who we know after this episode created beings that are both physical representations of, and are attracted to, negativity. That’s their origin.

The simplest explanation here is that the Relic is somehow producing the thing we already know the Grimm are attracted to: negativity of any sort. Rather than introducing another, convoluted bit of lore---Grimm are attracted to negativity AND now any objects explicitly created by the gods---it would make sense to streamline things. The Grimm are still attracted to the same things they’ve always been attracted to, it’s just now we have an object that actively produces that. It would explain why Ozpin describes the attraction as “faint, but undeniable.” After all, there’s plenty of negativity in the world. Nearby Grimm might get distracted by something bigger and nastier, but you’re more likely to become a target if you’re in the presence of something that eats away at your ability to remain optimistic and generate kindness. This explanation would also function well thematically, both for the trope reasons discussed above, and due to the nature of djinns and genies. I’ve laid out elsewhere how Jinn herself is rather manipulative, subtly encouraging cruelty towards Ozpin as well as reckless behavior in Ruby. Jinn is the lamp, so if that’s her characterization, why not extend that a little further? As an entity she actively does what the lamp passively does: encourage fear, mistrust, and anger towards others.

What’s immediately notable to me then is how negative moods seem to follow the Relic around, literally coming and going as the Relic does. One of the happiest moments in Volume Six is when everyone gets on the train and the girls are settling into their room. It’s just like old times with arguments about video games, Qrow coming in to tease his nieces, Weiss getting playfully annoyed at Ruby, etc. Sure, we also deal with some of Blake’s lingering doubts in regards to Yang, but it’s an incredibly optimistic conversation. Everyone is supporting one another here, everyone is smiling... and notably Ozpin, carrying the Relic, is absent. It doesn’t register as odd to us because Oscar and Ozpin have been removed from most group gatherings that don’t relate immediately to the war, most obviously when Oscar doesn’t join the re-united groups for their celebratory dinner in Haven. His absence makes sense, but it also happens to coincide with one of the last truly happy scenes we get this Volume (the other being the reunion with Jaune’s sister). If we buy into this idea that the Relic can impact people over time, Ozpin’s absence might also help explain why things don’t start going south until the train. As established, he keeps his distance within the Haven house. Except for explaining the Relic’s function---which lasts for only a minute or so, wherein the conversation presumably ends and Ozpin leaves the group to their chit-chat, taking the Relic with him---and other logistical details in regards to their journey, Ozpin and Oscar might have kept to themselves, thereby limiting the rest of the group’s exposure to the Relic.

From then on though the group is forced to keep close quarters with Ozpin and the morale very quickly takes a nosedive. Whoever is holding the Relic and whoever else is in its immediate vicinity demonstrates an incredibly short fuse, starting with Oscar getting into a fight with Dudley and Dudley getting mad enough to shove him in the middle of a fight.

We then see the group’s knee-jerk fury over Ozpin’s new bit of information while back on the train, Yang antagonizing him in the snow, all the way through to the group drawing their weapons on Qrow, an ally and uncle, for merely saying, “Hey.” As myself and others immediately pointed out when the episode aired, that is not a normal response for these girls, especially when Qrow isn’t even the one they’re mad at. What’s difficult in analyzing a theory like this is that we have to acknowledge that all of these emotions are still real. The Relic is just taking them to an extreme that results in unexpected and inappropriate behavior. The Relic isn’t producing these feelings of anger and hurt and confusion---fans are right to establish that it’s natural for the girls to be upset here---but it does seem to be escalating things at an unnatural rate. Which is why I chose the horcrux as a comparison. Just like Ron under normal circumstances, outside of the necklace’s influence, would never say or do these things, neither would the group outside of the Relic’s influence. They’d all feel the same things, they’d just a) be experiencing the normal amount of those emotions and b) be better able to manage their response to them.Things like drawing their weapons, punching Oscar, slamming him up against walls, abject pessimism, rejecting adults, deciding to steal an airship, insisting on fighting Cordovin, or letting out a furious, “He was watching us?” when you learn Ozpin just saved your teammates’ lives are all pretty unexpected explosions among a group that’s normally more diverse, more level-headed, and more compassionate. Volume Six is absolutely stuffed with examples of extreme behavior, actions and knee-jerk reactions that don’t fit the crime and don’t fit established characterization. We can chalk it up to terrible writing, or we can theorize that maybe, just maybe, something is encouraging them to act in this manner.

With these explanations in mind, consider how Ozpin reacts to Ruby merely touching the Relic. It’s quick, but when he finds out she has it his response is wide-eyed fear and an immediate, “Please hand it over.”

Based on what we already know, this makes no sense to me. Why would Ozpin be fearful? Ruby quite literally can’t do anything with the lamp until she has Jinn’s name---his secrets are safe. Even if they weren’t, or even if his trauma is convincing him here that Ruby might somehow divine that there are questions left and find a way to use one of them against him, I can’t believe that Ozpin would deal with that situation in this particular way. Meaning, the guy has a pretty level head and he’s good at putting people at ease. How do you get your Relic back without drawing attention to the fact that it’s still usable? By expressing relief that Ruby found it. Oh good. It’s safe. Wonderful, I’ll just casually take it back now. Yet Ozpin is incapable of doing any of that here. He sees Ruby holding it and is blurting out an instinctual request: “Please give it back.” It implies that his only concern is to get it out of her hands as quickly as possible, which in turn suggests that merely holding it has some sort of consequence attached. This isn’t a problem (questions) that he can take the time to carefully coax a solution to, this is a problem (her holding it) that needs to be solved now. Right this instant. Please drop the magical object that encourages depression and fury in people nearby. That’s my burden to (literally) carry.

He even reminds them then that it’s a “powerful item” (again, what power is at play if Ruby can’t summon Jinn?) and that it’s “[his] burden to bear.” Blake picks up on that implication and asks for us, “Why does it matter who carries it?” but Ozpin isn’t inclined to answer. He simply begs them to listen to him and then Oscar takes control, revealing Jinn’s name. But the question still stands. Why does it matter who carries it, provided that no one else has the word needed to access the Relic’s one, established power? Ozpin’s behavior here suggests that there’s more he’s worried about than just his (well founded) fear that they’ll somehow ask a question.

In my recap of “Uncovered” I theorized that there was a consequence to using the Relic given Ozpin’s non-violent desperation to get it out of Ruby’s hands. If you’re concerned only with keeping your own secrets... just take the damn thing. Ozpin might be in Oscar’s body now, but he’s still incredibly powerful. He could snatch the Relic out of Ruby’s hands easy-peasy, but only if he’s unconcerned with her mental and physical health. If, on the other hand, you’re likewise concerned with keeping her from using it because it would harm her in some way, you’re not going to exacerbate that problem by putting her in even more, potential danger. Instead you beg. You plead. You try to reason. You charge with an open palm, looking like you want only to knock the Relic out of her hands.

That assumed consequence could be a sort of double-dose of whatever negativity the Relic is already producing; an emotional whammy thanks to the increased interaction: someone near the relic won’t be as impacted as someone holding the relic, who in turn won’t be as impacted as someone who actually uses it. While re-watching some scenes for this meta, it struck me that twice now we’ve seen characters collapse immediately after that close interaction:

Granted yes, both Yang and Ozma are reacting to already terrible news: Yang that Raven has officially abandoned her and Ozma that he presumably can’t beat Salem. Visually though it’s an intriguing detail. Those who touch/use the relic tend to buckle under its weight. It literally and figuratively generates the sort of emotion that causes people to collapse in despair. So why don’t we see any more of this? Why isn’t Ozpin falling over in Haven and Ruby on the rest of their journey? Potentially because of either their Silver Eyes or what Silver Eyes represent. We know that Ozpin’s magic is what created children with Silver Eyes in the first place, so it could be that his original magic---Light’s magic---helps to act as a buffer against the Relic’s influence. Ozpin and Ruby are both able to interact with it more easily than others because of that buffer. That is, up until Ruby has been carrying/sleeping with it for days on end and is now mistrustful of Ozpin and throwing herself into canons; up until Ozpin has been carrying/sleeping with it for days on end and is now much more snappish towards his students than normal. Or, a related theory, it’s just their innate natures that do the trick, no literal magic involved. Ruby is the “simple soul” of our story and Ozpin the one who believes simple souls hold the key to success. They’re both already optimists at their core and therefore it takes longer to eat away at those beliefs. Unlike someone like Yang or Qrow who is already grappling with anger and pessimism. They fall right under the Relic’s influence.

All of this would, put plainly, explain a whole slew of issues in Volume Six. Why are our characters so OOC? Because magic is seriously putting them off their game and turning them into people they wouldn’t normally be inclined to become. Why wasn’t there an overt downside to using Jinn like many fans expected (given the mythology attached to her)? There was, we just haven’t acknowledged it yet. Why did everyone have a near identical reaction to the Relic’s information, despite being different people with different experiences and worldviews? Because magic created a blanket uniformity of anger, despair, and eventual superiority. What was up with that side quest to the farm that didn’t lead anywhere plot-wise? It’s thematic work, even more-so than the already established “Oh, our characters have doubts about their mission and here are Grimm that literally make them apathetic!” Those moments may also function as a pseudo red herring. No one is theorizing about “things that magically change your mood” because we already got that this volume. Whole episodes worth. It was those Grimm and then the group set them on fire, freeing themselves... except what if there was more than one magical thing influencing them right from the start? It’s the sort of thematic detail you might include to help establish a plot twist.

As said at the start though, I don’t actually believe very strongly that we’ll see this revelation in Volume Seven. There’s too much else that, if I were setting up such a reveal, I would have changed with this information in mind. But I think it’s still a possibility given what we’ve seen and it’s absolutely something I would accept moving forward. I would much rather be able to say, “Ah. Everyone went OOC because of this conflict with the Relic you were setting up. Far from perfect execution, but you still pulled it off.” Rather than what we currently have, which is, “Team RWBY is turning into a bunch of violent, arrogant, and cruel people entirely of their own volition. This is what ‘heroism’ now looks like in the RWBY-verse.” Magical influences, to my mind, are the preferred explanation here.

#rwby #mymetas

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counterror · 4 years

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— BASICS : GHOST.

DO NOT REBLOG.

IS YOUR MUSE TALL / SHORT / AVERAGE ? : he is 6′4, which makes him tall.

ARE THEY OKAY WITH THEIR HEIGHT ? : always. height is extremely useful in his line of work, and due to his troubled childhood - height was the least of his concerns.

WHAT’S THEIR HAIR LIKE ? : short. it might be somewhat longer on the top, but primarily it’s practical and functional - wearing the ghost mask would be a struggle both heat and comfort wise if he were to have longer hair. it means he’s able to pull the balaclava on with little resistance or issue. aside from short, it’s a deep brown shade and is typically messy, considering he wears the mask more than he doesn’t.

DO THEY SPEND A LOT OF TIME ON THEIR HAIR / GROOMING ? : no - in fact, usually simon doesn’t even wash his face when he removes the mask after a long day of work. he maintains his hair himself, which takes him minimal time due to experience, and the most grooming he will do is maintaining his facial hair - which he rarely allows to grow past stubble due to longer facial hair bringing discomfort under the mask. he is low maintenance and doesn’t care to take much time or put too much effort into something that remains hidden.

DOES YOUR MUSE CARE ABOUT THEIR APPEARANCE / WHAT OTHERS THINK ? : no. of course, there’s a certain element of self-respect in regards to how his appearance represents the sas / military. he maintains cleanliness and hygiene, especially because it’s easy to work up a sweat in his gear, and will always be clean and well-presented when showing up to work. as for general appearance, he couldn’t care less. he maintains himself for his own comfort and practicality - but because no one other than him sees his face, there’s next to nothing to worry about. he’s never been one to worry over that, either - what with always having something more important to care about. if anything, he takes great care in ghost’s appearance, rather than his own. everything has to be tip top and functional. this doesn’t mean he cleans the mask, or worries about it being spick and span. but rather, he cares how the costume is perceived by others. if he can add on something extra to make him look bigger or darker, he will. the goal is to be scary - to be mysterious and intimidating. to make his own comrades nervous. to ensure this character he presents himself as is taken seriously and able to be continued, he has to take it seriously.

— PREFERENCES.

INDOORS OR OUTDOORS ? : outdoors if we’re talking long, isolated walks / jogs in the wilderness or spending time with his head down in a warzone - regardless of climate. if we’re talking civvie crowds and walking down the high street or interacting with others than definitely inside. RAIN OR SUNSHINE ? : rain. rainy weather is a ghost’s best tool for muffling sound, hiding movement, masking scent and general cover / camouflage. FOREST OR BEACH ? : forest. again, another quality tool for a ghost. PRECIOUS METALS OR GEMS ? : precious metals would likely make for better weapons / survival tools. FLOWERS OR PERFUMES ? : flowers. sure, it’s important to smell good but realistically, perfume / anything notably scented would give away your presence. flowers would also make for a handy distraction / confusion technique. on top of that, they hold a connection with death and loss. PERSONALITY OR APPEARANCE ? : personality, if we’re talking about those in his every day life. he needs people he can trust and rely on. those who take too much pride in their appearance are likely to question his own. he has a strong personality, and it often works best when another strong personality levels him out. he prefers to know where he stands with people, and can respect and appreciate a backbone. however, if we’re talking sexually / physically, then appearance. if he’s only going to see you for one night, he’s not going to give a shit about your quirks. he’s not going to derive much pleasure from it anyway, so why not at least allow himself someone attractive. BEING ALONE OR BEING IN A CROWD ? : alone. ghost prefers working alone. he’ll work with a group, or work a mission among a crowd, but he won’t appreciate it. being alone means not being held back. it means he’s able to get the job done efficiently and how he wants to. he also doesn’t trust crowds, and will typically avoid being too close to even his team. crowds mean noise, physical contact and possible confrontation. all of which he struggles with. crowds also remind him of the times his father would take him to concerts - and nothing good ever came from those experiences. ORDER OR ANARCHY ? : both. without order, it’s sheer chaos, but without a little anarchy his job becomes much more difficult and he becomes much more restricted. PAINFUL TRUTHS OR WHITE LIES ? : painful truths. unless of course those white lies mean not getting arrested or discharged. other than that, ghost prefers the cold, hard truth. he likes to know where he stands and he will always let you know where you stand whether you like it or not. SCIENCE OR MAGIC ? : science. without it, the materials and resources for war wouldn’t have been discovered or created. he has a love / hate relationship with it, however. PEACE OR CONFLICT ? : conflict. despite conflict being the largest contributor to his trauma and struggles, without it, there would be no ghost and he frankly cannot comprehend that identity and stability crisis. without war, without conflict, without revenge or anger he likely wouldn’t be alive. NIGHT OR DAY ? : night. DUSK OR DAWN ? : dusk. WARMTH OR COLD ? : cold. it’s easier to warm up than it is to cool down. have you ever tried to wear a balaclava and mask in blistering heat ? he’s trained to survive any terrain and temperature, however. MANY ACQUAINTANCES OR A FEW CLOSE FRIENDS ? : a few close acquaintances. low risk of emotional attachment / loss but with all the benefits of trust, loyalty and reliability - few means more control and a better view of potential betrayals. READING OR PLAYING A GAME ? : reading. expanding his knowledge and skills. learning new techniques and failed strategies.

— QUESTIONNAIRE.

WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR MUSE’S BAD HABITS ? : he smokes, and will often smoke the cheapest, most disgusting cigarettes. it’s possibly something he’ll use in stressful situations to remind himself of his past. if he survived that, he can survive most things / people. on top of that, it’s generally calming and is often used to clear head space. it’s rarely to satisfy his own needs. ghost also swears a lot, a little more than simon does. while this is indeed a bad habit, the fact that simon swears less also shows us that it’s a ghost habit, meaning it’s somewhat enforced. something ghost is known to use in order to intimidate or put down others. it’s vulgar, blunt and involves a surprising amount of background consideration on simon’s part for it to not only be a bad habit, but to be an effective and functioning psychological process too. losing his temper, interrupting others and negativity / complaining are also bad habits that require little to no explanation.

HAS YOUR MUSE LOST ANYONE CLOSE TO THEM ? HOW HAS IT AFFECTED THEM ? : his entire family was gunned down in his home by two comrades turned brainwashed betrayers. save for his father, who was located in a cancer hospital and shot dead afterwards also. simon no longer has anyone. how has it affected him ? simon now lives within the fortified shell of ghost. simon riley no longer exists and was found dead - so the tags say. without ghost or the 141, simon likely would’ve taken his life after succeeding in getting his revenge. he has never grieved nor mourned for his losses.

WHAT ARE SOME FOND MEMORIES YOUR MUSE HAS ? : he struggles to remember some details of his past. but upon compartmentalizing, it’s rare he’ll ever look back on them unless on the verge of death / giving up. fond memories grow stale when you’re the only one in them still alive.

IS IT EASY FOR YOUR MUSE TO KILL ? : there is no easy or hard about it. it’s his job to kill the enemy. ghost runs on apathy. he is objective and analytical. if it’s his job to kill a target, it’ll get done. ethics and morals are not a part of it. were a target to take a civilian hostage, he would shoot the hostage if it meant mortally wounding the target or hitting them in a place that would promptly disarm the target. if you are in his way and this is his only chance of taking down a high value target, he will put a bullet through you if it means getting said enemy ( unless a superior orders him not to. ) he will take every precaution in order to avoid killing the hostage, but at the end of the day his goal is to take down that target. however, were a child to be taken hostage, or a child became a target, this would present difficulty. it doesn’t mean he wouldn’t achieve the mission, but he would not be as quick-thinking or apathetic in that moment.

WHAT’S IT LIKE WHEN YOUR MUSE BREAKS DOWN ? : hysterical laughter or vomiting or both. he may also become violent / aggressive ( throwing or hitting objects. ) though the destruction is often turned inward rather than outward. IS YOUR MUSE CAPABLE OF TRUSTING SOMEONE WITH THEIR LIFE ? : it’s part of his job. it’s part of working among a team. but he ensures that he avoids predicaments where he’s not watching his own back or where he’s having to rely on someone else where possible. there are very, very few ghost genuinely trusts down to the core, one being captain price.

WHAT’S YOUR MUSE LIKE WHEN THEY’RE IN LOVE ? : unknown. while a younger simon has been exposed to relationships before, they didn’t last long enough for love to develop. and since the events led by roba / the development of ghost, simon hasn’t been in love. meaning he’s never truly been in love. simon is capable of being affectionate, and has been shown to be a family man who values and even treasures the company of those close to him. but ghost has had a huge impact on this, and upon facing tremendous loss, he’s closed himself off. a fear of becoming like his father also puts a wall between him and any potential love interests. realistically, any mild emotional attachment is exhibited through him seeking to spend time with you on his own terms or going out of his way to be around you.

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diveronarpg · 4 years

Photo

Congratulations, RACH You’ve been accepted for the role of TAMORA. Admin Rosey: You’d think that a person wouldn’t REALLY be charmed by Trinity. I mean, why would they? She’s terrifying and otherworldly. I don’t know how you managed to do it, Rach, but in that interview you had me completely and utterly charmed by Trinity -- her voice, her mannerisms, everything about her had me sighing in total infatuation. But then you reminded me of who she was -- a beautiful, terrifying monster. Shaped by tragedy, but still learning and evolving. I am so incredibly happy to finally say this: everybody, welcome Trinnity Zakarian onto the dash! Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

IN DEPTH

Alias | Rach

Age | 20

Preferred Pronouns | She/Her

Activity Level | 8.5 ; These quarantimes are doing wonders for my activity levels.

Timezone | PST

How did you find the rp? | See below!

Current/Past RP Accounts | I play Jules over at @julianaxcapulet ;)

Character | Tamora; Trinity Khalida Zakarian

Trinity - “Triad”

Khalida - “Deathless”

Zakarian - “God has remembered”

What drew you to this character? |

If I were to compare Trinity to Juliana at face value, I’m not sure that I could select two more different characters, but I suppose that is part of what draws me to Trinity. She is so different from what I typically look for in a character and there’s something deeply and darkly alluring about her character. There’s a certain cleverness, a certain craftiness that I sensed in her bio that initially drew me toward her. Despite her inability to feel emotion, I think she has a surprisingly strong grasp of the human condition. She has a unique perspective and furthermore, a unique understanding of people, one I think does her both a great service and disservice in the land of Verona.

I think time and time again I am drawn to characters who experience this very quintessential loneliness, but when it comes to Trinity, there’s a distinct lack of longing for companionship which intrigues me. Here is a woman that has only ever come close to loving one thing, a son that was stolen away from her in the wake of the greatest betrayal. Her story is so tragic but clearly unfinished. I love the idea that the loss of the thing she held dearest is what marks the beginning of her story, rather than the end. If death is the beginning of Trinity’s story, then perhaps life is the end and I am extremely excited to see how that could possibly play out.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

One.

Full disclosure, Titus Andronicus is one of my favorite tragedies but I find myself thoroughly interested in where Trinity’s story departs from (or rather begins at the end of) her namesake’s story. As mentioned in what I wrote about what drew me to Trinity, I am fascinated by how her character blurs the line between beginnings and endings. Her character stands to exist so non-linearly in such a forward-moving world. Shakespeare’s Tamora, Queen of the Goths, is driven entirely by revenge, but Trinity is a character who has had her revenge without facing the same untimely fate or consequences of her namesake. So how does Trinity exist beyond the fulfilment of her revenge? The Montagues have given her a place to plant her roots, but where and how does she grow from there? There is a ghostly quality to her presence, but it is an enduring one and I want to explore how Trinity’s spirit endures. She has already begun to develop a legacy, one written by outsiders and onlookers to her life, but what does Trinity want the world to remember of her? How does she honor her son’s memory? Is it through big, public acts or rather, through smaller, everyday actions?

My suspicion? It’s a combination of both.

Two.

I am intrigued by how Trinity is a character that simultaneously manages to be wholly content and entirely discontent at the same time. It’s a strange line to walk. She wants for nothing, but is solely driven by this constant yearning to feel. Trinity is such a stranger to the hungry ambition that seems to drive so many of Verona’s people that I would like to see her have a taste of what really drives her new city. I would like to see Trinity put in a situation where some form of ambition is encouraged, if not required of her. Perhaps, the Montagues task her to further develop her ties to the Russians elite, or better yet, encourage her to further integrate herself into Verona’s high society, where she cannot merely slide by on the nobility of her last name. Trinity is well acquainted with the art of acting, of maintaining a presence, but what happens when what is required of her is something that must come from deep within? How does she adapt? Are her suspicions confirmed that all tasks and ventures are equally empty? Or better yet, does she find an additional avenue of finding that warmth she aches for? Does she find a new way to slow her brutal decay?

Three.

This may sound strange, but Trinity’s connection to Mona was one that managed to surprise me, to catch me off guard (in the most pleasant way, of course). The notion of envy from a character that is so intrinsically distant from emotion adds this wonderful nuance to her character. It’s this wonderfully humanizing quality that somehow manages to still feel characteristic and honest of Trinity. There are hints of this passion throughout Trinity’s bio-- the spark she feels when her son is born, the desperation in her bones when she stabs her wife. I love the idea of such grievous, deplorable emotions being the tipping point for her, which is why I would really love to explore what else within Verona can ignite such fury, such wrath from detached being like herself. Besides Mona, I would love to explore the different emotions that can be pulled from Trinity through her different connections. Conversely, there’s a part of me that wants to see Trinity become attached to something, to someone, especially because I know it’s something she would be resistant to, something she may not even recognize within herself. I think there’s a lot of potential ways that it can be taken (maybe with Grace?), but I would be very excited to explore how that might unfold.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Always

Please choose between the interview or the para sample (or both, if you like!)

Tw: murder, death, blood, torture (kind of)

What is your favorite place in Verona? |

To have a favorite, is to have attachment, Trinity thinks. She is keenly aware that an attachment is not something she possesses within the confines of Verona borders, or perhaps, possesses at all. In truth, she does not particularly care for Verona. Faron had promised her that the warmth of Italian summers was incomparable, though she’s been rather underwhelmed by the mellowness of the Veronian sun. Every now and then she finds herself longing for the endless, Russian winters which were at least bitter enough to send a chill through her bones.

“The Lamberti Tower.”

“Why?” the interviewer presses further, as if intrigued by her lack of elaboration. His reaction alone alerts her to the nature of his being-- he’s the typical journalist type, addicted to the thrill of uncovering secrets and stories. He’s eager and objectively handsome enough to make something of himself, but perhaps too curious, too invested in his art for his own good. She thinks she might see something in him but she’s not sure what.

She contorts her lips into what passes for a pleased smile, though the creases beside her eyes fail to form, “I like the view from the top.”

The interviewer pries no further and Trinity decides he may actually possess enough self-control to go far in life.

What does your typical day look like?

Trinity takes in the question, absorbing it before formulating a calculated response in her head. It’s a much preferred question to the previous one and it’s one Trinity supposes she can humor for the time being-- no revealing of attachments, no nostalgia or falsified wistfulness.

Since the passing of her son, her days have begun to blur together-- only identified today, tomorrow, yesterday. She puts no faith in the distant future that she does not know, for she sees her life in two acts: before her son and after her son is born. Alexei’s death marks the end of her life, as he takes her heart with him to the grave. It’s a morbid finale followed by a somber epilogue, in which she must continue living.

“The day begins in the early hours of the morning, when my sleep breaks,” Trinity begins as though she is narrating a story known well by her missing heart.

“And then there are the meetings and of course, more meetings…” she draws on with the tilt of her head, as if to highlight the fact that they are engaged in some sort of meeting right now. She recounts the numerous times those around her have complained of their lengthy meetings and in truth, Tamora doesn’t really care. She has no particular affinity for small talk nor discussions of projected growth, but there was something to be said for the time that they managed to fill. What else was she to do with her countless hours of the day? There was nothing leisurely about her life, no excitement to be captured from the monotonous joys her brethren seemed to so easily delight in. She could feign delight and desire with a flawless accuracy, but it did little to hide the ultimate truth that there was no spark to be found behind those hollow eyes.

“Meetings can be so dull,” she adds for good measure, leaning in towards the interviewer, as if to confess something honest. Really, it’s just an easy lie, one with a dangerous relatability that manages to produce a nod of agreement and knowing smile from the young man she sits with. He’s charmed now, confident that he’s managed to peer into her mind, elicit some great secret from a locked vault. Little did he know that if he were to truly see inside the woman before him, he would be consumed whole by a dark and tormentful emptiness, a ceaseless, gruesome night with no end in sight.

“After finishing up my personal work, I like to return home and unwind...perhaps even watch a movie. I’ve always been partial to films ever since I was a child.”.

“Oh, I wasn’t aware that you liked movies, Miss Zakarian,” the interviewer notes, with mild interest scribbling something down on his notepad for the first time during the duration of their entire interview.

“Doesn’t everyone like a little escapism?” she replies, actively curling the edges of her lips into an easy smile, an expression so well-practiced it seemed as though it was the most natural response in the world.

This time Trinity had afforded him a half-truth, for indeed she did occupy her time with the occasional movie, though never with the intentions of escape (she had long known of their ineffectiveness). Rather, there was something educational to be taken from films, to absorb the mechanics at which actors expressed themselves so convincingly. Films were like holy scriptures to her, unflinching in their portrayal of the human psyche, even if not always intentional. There were lessons to be learned from even from the worst actors, just as there were lessons to be learned from the worst kind of people.

What has been your biggest mistake thus far?

The ghost of her smile fades just as quickly as it had formed itself upon Trinity’s face. Mistakes were certainly treacherous territory.

The answer seems increasingly unclear to Trinity as she sees herself gazing into her wife’s eyes one final time, as she plunges a knife into her lover’s heart, over and over again. Her eyes are dry, for she cannot yet weep for the child she has lost at the hands of a woman she had sworn her life to. She had sealed her wife’s fate without a moment’s hesitation and made her pay for her wretched crime, in the only way she knew how. Trinity had watched the life fade away from her wife slowly, her eyes glazed over, devoid of sentiment, ensuring her beloved knew that the price of her betrayal was her life. Only when they are both truly gone, does she finally dissolve. For one brief, shining moment, her grief manifests in a tidal wave of anger, sorrow, rage, and tears and it is the last time she ever comes close to touching life. Alone in her cursed home she falls apart, clinging the body of her dead son tightly against his chest as his blood pools around her, drenching her dress in an unsightly crimson.

When Trinity finally leaves her home she never returns, nor does her heart. It’s remains had been left behind to turn to ash, along with everything else she had ever loved.

She attempts to discern what marked the beginning of the end, what had set the stage for such tragedy and betrayal but she finds herself largely unsuccessful. Each moment was interwoven within the next, each choice could be traced back further and further until her memory turned to oblivion.

“Identifying one’s biggest mistake is a futile endeavor,” Trinity replies aloofly, her counterfeit charm giving way to something far more harrowing. If the young man before her was so eager to peer behind her mask, then she supposed she ought to offer him a glance. “Every mistake is merely a summation of what has come before it.”

“So, your biggest mistake is being born?” the interviewer frowns, attempting to gather whatever scraps he can from her cryptic response. His tone suggests confusion but there’s something that resembles intrigue that forms upon his well-sculpted features.

Trinity presses her lips together firmly but does not correct his assumption.

What has been the most difficult task asked of you?

“Tasks implies a sense of duty...” Trinity replies pointedly. The very notion of a task seemed to involve some sort of great undertaking, which much like sentimentality, was not something Trinity had ever associated with. She makes a conscious effort to lace her cool fingers together in her lap. If the young man were to shake her hand now, he was sure to be frightened by the chillness of her touch.

“And you do not possess a sense of duty?” the interviewer prods, though this time he’s managed to more effectively mask his surprise at her response. He seems more engaged now, fascinated by the woman that sits before him, desperate to unearth more of her secrets.

“I did, once,” Trinity nods, affirmatively and she sees her young son’s face in the corner of the room. He’s looking at her imploringly, with bright eyes and she sees the only spark of life she’s ever known. “But I am no longer beholden to that duty.”

“Why not? Did you succeed? Did you fail?”

“Success and failure are not metrics of difficulty,” she answers, “Just as some people fail at easy tasks, others succeed at difficult tasks.”

“And you?”

She gazes through the young man before her and her eyes settle on the wall behind him, as through she could see straight through his skull. He looks nothing like her Alexei, but she finally understands what she’s recognized in him the moment they met. His eyes are so bright, so full of promise, that she’d like to sink her cold thumbs into the sockets of each eye and push harder and harder until she felt that warmth, that brightness, even if only for a few solemn moments.

“Success, task, failure, difficult-- they’re all just words, маленький, empty words. It would serve you well to learn that.”

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?

Arguably, Trinity's loyalty to the Montagues likely failed to constitute loyalty at all. It was merely a convenience, if that.

“Where do your loyalties lie?” she asks, turning the question back towards him.

“I’m journalist, Miss Zakarian...I’m loyal to the truth,” he says, and Trinity cannot help but grit her teeth slightly, a rare reaction from the otherwise largely unresponsive woman. What could this man possibly know of the truth?

“So you truly possess no ties to the Montagues, then?” Trinity clarifies, as she stands from her chair stepping closer to the young man, cupping his face, her icy fingers searing into the warmth of his skin as she examines his every feature.

“No...no,” he replies, his eagerness mounting as his own hands settle upon her waist, gazing at her with a hunger she cannot possibly begin to relate to. “Honestly, they would probably prefer if I wasn’t around. They don’t really like independence around these parts...but you do, right? You’re really not like the rest of them are you?”

“No, I am not,” comes from the lips of the corpse-like woman and it’s the first truly honest admission she’s made through the entire interview. She looks at him vacantly as her fingers slowly slide from his jaw to his throat until they settle firmly around his neck and begin to squeeze.

She looks on as his expression morphs from excitement to confusion to desperation which manages to send a single tingle running down her spine. He attempts to struggle but her grasp is too tight and by the time he’s realized his fate it’s too late. His body releases one final shudder before eventually falling limp below her. With two fingers, she drags his eyelids shut with mild satisfaction as she has finally managed to extinguish the light.

She exits the room silently and glides to the hallway void of any emotion. When they eventually ask who finally took care of that terribly nosy young journalist, she’ll collect her payment but not before her lips curl into that well-practiced and reply, “A ghost.”

Extras:

Mock Blog

#accepted #accepted: tamora

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