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walkuntilthedaylight · 3 years

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The people have spoken! How can I not give them what they want?

I'm gonna put this all under a cut, since it's a bit long, and also because it's highly interpretative/speculative and not everyone likes those kinds of posts as they can be rather subjective and, I suppose, invasive. I want to give two major caveats to my thoughts below: first is that I tend not to buy the idea that Paul was the "stable/normal" Beatle, mostly b/c I view marijuana dependency and workaholism as addictions and I take them pretty seriously. Second is that I really do love this kind of tabloid/gossip/personal account shit; I think it should be taken with a handful of salt, but I don't think it should be entirely dismissed out of hand either. I read this stuff like I'm piling up sheets of stained glass: I'm intrigued by the places where the colours blend and overlap, and ignore things that fall outside the prism. Anyway, let's dig in:

Okay, so what I found fascinating about 'Body Count' is that it's one of the only sources which observes Paul McCartney's mental health during the period between the India trip and when the band breakup really got rolling. I think it's overall a fairly self-absorbed text that definitely has some lies and exaggerations peppered in there to make things spicier and more dramatic, but its broad characterization - as I mentioned in my first post - isn't exactly libelous or out of left field. Some elements that make me think it's generally if not wholly authentic are: Paul's simultaneously forceful and dorky seduction style, his terrible Liverpool diet and poor housekeeping, the bouts of thrill-seeking recklessness, avoidant adventure crafting, dark moods when drinking non-socially, the occasional hot and cold bouts with the Apple Scuffs camped out at his gate, and the way in which he underplays his drug habit, which is SO "in truthfulness we spent most of the filming of Help! slightly stoned":

These details are so bizarrely specific and have significant overlap with both sympathetic and spurned personal accounts of Paul I've read in the past, so I believe Francie is just telling "Her Version Of The Truth" here rather than crafting a piece of pure fiction. The most important and revealing anecdote in the book is this one.

There's no reason not to believe this is a fairly accurate representation of something that actually happened, imo, since we know that anxious purse strings were an ongoing issue in the unusual turnover rate within the band Wings, and there are plenty of confirmed and rumoured cases alike of extended family members feeling entitled to a "piece of the pie"; this is just like, the kind of thing that happens to working class people who get catapulted into fame and fortune. And Paul in particular already had deep-seated financial anxiety for whatever reasons he'll never fully admit (as is his right, but I think his offhand claim that he "once heard some adults arguing about money and that's why" might actually be alluding to having heard some adults - y'know, like his parents - arguing over money fairly frequently). What esp interests me about the anecdote is the way Paul seems to connect the conflict b/t his dual "identities" with these financial expectations. Perhaps the CAPSLOCK emotional hysteria related in the book is puffed up for drama, but it does bring to mind one of the most revealing comments Linda ever made about their relationship, which is that Paul needed to be told he would still be loved when the cameras weren't rolling. And that's the thing: Francie caught Paul at the exact moment that the pillars of his Smile-For-The-Camera "Beatle" identity were collapsing; the dissolution of his relationships with John and Jane.

Whatever all this could possibly mean re: the breakup of the Lennon-McCartney partnership is a post for another time. What I wanna do instead is apply the level of speculation we usually reserve for that relationship to the endpoint of Paul and Jane's courtship.

So like, Paul and Jane: I know people are resistant to this specific POV, but I honestly just don't... think it was that deep? "Not deep", mind you, doesn't mean "not significant". Paul was obviously Jane's first love (u never forget), but the feeling I get from Paul's side (as a subconscious process I mean) is that Jane's importance was primarily as a lynchpin in his London Socialite persona. He loved her family, he loved the friend group, the artistic scene dating her gave him access to, as well as the leg up he got in the class system, etc. He liked to be the kind of guy who was dating Jane Asher. But I don't know that he was the guy who was dating Jane Asher, you get me? When people describe their "great love" they accidentally tell on them (Cynthia innocently describing Paul as being pleased to have her on his arm like a trophy; John: "it was an ordinary love scene"; Alistair Taylor noting that Paul was humiliated by the breakup). Paul's a serial monogamist who U-Hauls like a lesbian, of course, so he definitely took the relationship VERY seriously, but it's telling that all of his love songs to her were either about hitting a brick wall in arguments (certainly not dreamy, fond, yearning of "sunday morning fights about saturday night"; and occasionally expressing hints of class tension too), or completely non-descript Guy With A Guitar Trying To Get Laid shit. I could extrapolate a lot about Linda just from listening to McCartney I/RAM and the Wings discography, but 'And I Love Her' doesn't tell me a single thing about Jane besides that she's pretty. It could be about literally anyone the same way 'My Love' or 'Maybe I'm Amazed' could only be about his dynamic with Linda. Some of this is obviously the natural result of getting older and gaining emotional maturity; what I'm saying is that Paul's behaviour and self-expression in this relationship does not suggest to me that it was one in which his emotional maturity was able to develop or flourish.

I want to stress again that I don't think this belittles the significance of the relationship or makes it "bad" or "fake". Like, sometimes hot people just date for a while in their teens and twenties and love each other without necessarily unlocking their inner emotional cores, usually because they don't know how to. It's, like, fine. You need to experience relationships like that as stepping stones. I simply believe that this sort of front-facing social importance being prime in the romance is a major factor in why it ultimately didn't work (and probably in Linda's reported lingering jealousy of Jane, who wasn't just an ex, but also a symbol of the life Paul ditched to build a new identity w/ her, and sometimes still pined for). With Jane, Paul was dating the "right" kind of girl (didn't put out on the first date, erudite and middle class, as serious about her career as he was, a good "celebrity" match), but the relationship often wasn't doing what he wanted it to do. Francie's observation is that by 1968 it also wasn't doing what he needed it to do either. This is the overwhelming "mood" in her affair with Paul McCartney: that he needed something very badly from a romantic partner that he just was NOT getting, and Francie couldn't figure out what it was either:

(note that she means "queer" as in "mad", not "gay")

This was an EXTREMELY roundabout way of asking: well, what WAS it that Paul needed a relationship to do for him? And I think this is Francie's big, accidental insight. The most scandalous claim in 'Body Count' is that Paul told Francie that he hit Jane and it "turned her on".

I personally think this is p. absurd absent any real proof to back it up, but like, what is Francie actually saying HE'S saying here? If she's exaggerating or lying, she's trying to make it believable within the psychological parameters laid out, right? It's not an expression of some secret desire to dominate women she's accusing him of, but emotional disturbance and confusion at the idea that the woman he was with might like that sort of forceful, masculine violence more than his softer, feminine side, which he was - yeah, we all know it - deeply insecure about.

Regardless of whether specific details are true or false (and I think there's both in this story, all hyper-magnified to make it, y'know, a ~STORY~), I think what might be true is the emotional undertow of the retelling, that this all taken together is actually representative of the side of Paul McCartney she was exposed to, at a time when his public and private facades had both become unbearable to the point of cracking and the drug-fueled optimism of the Summer of Love was getting scrubbed off of everyone and everything. It's the Paul McCartney who eviscerated frogs because he was worried he was too "soft" for compulsory military service. The Paul who modelled his masculine teen behaviour off John Lennon's fake "Marlon Brando" swagger, but was actually more fond of the velvet "Oscar Wilde" interior.

What's SO FASCINATING about all this to me, is I deeply believe that one of the key factors in what makes The Beatles music so unique and compelling is that both the songwriters experienced psychological strain from the tension b/t their parochial socially-defensive "masculine" pride, and their sensitive "feminine" core, the latter of which they were able to express in the unburdened emotionality of their music. The reason I care about doing these totally unhinged psych analyses is because I do think it reveals something about the underpinnings of the music, as well as the reasons why the band was such a hysteria-inducing phenomenon (the rise of psychology, imo, is almost as important as the rise of industrialization as a defining factor of the modern and postmodern eras; mass psychology can be understood and wielded in precise ways, and The Beatles were one of the first empires built on that). The subconscious drives caused by this tension have been ENDLESSLY picked apart re: John's psyche, but Paul's "mirrored" issues are very under-discussed (mostly b/c he's still alive so people are a little more leery about putting him on the "couch" as a historical figure). 'Body Count', intentionally or not, painted a portrait to me of someone who was drowning in their own ill-fitting celebrity "suit", collapsing under the weight of "Being" "Paul McCartney". A guy who desperately needed some sort of space to be vulnerable without feeling emasculated for doing it. By 1968, there was no one in his life anymore - and maybe there hadn't been for a while, or ever - who was giving him this space.

In other words: the thing he needed to avoid going "stark raving queer and killing himself" was simply someone who would love him 'after the ball'.

EDIT: read the comments for further clarification and discussion! ;)

#/#//#///#////#/////#the beatles #mccharmley #analysis #long post #Talking About Paul The Way I Talk About John lmfao #Taking Tabloid Bullshit Seriously #(if not literally)#*gets out my fake spectacles and jumps into the psychiatry armchair*#idk if i laid out my thoughts v well here but i hope it satisfied all the people who asked #i also tried to warn what genre of post it was for those who hate this kinda thing lol #i feel like i have more to say re: how toxic 'The Beatle' facade got for all of them by this point #and paul and john's mirrored post-india breakdowns #but francie's perspective is specifically on how it felt to be the girl he used to divebomb his relationship with jane asher SO

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akakeiiji · 4 years

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this is kind of a weird request so sorry in advance and you don't have to write it if you don't want to of course!!! but could i get hcs for atsumu, oikawa, and terushima with a lesbian best friend? i feel like lesbian + flirty boy is such a power duo because she can give girl advice and they don't have to worry about feelings making things awkward dhkshdkdh sorry again!!

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS REQUEST FBWBBDSF I love the dynamic these three would have with a lesbian best friend, it would be so chaotic, I love it. I based some of these with how I am with my guy friends, I’m not a lesbian but I’m close enough HAHAHA

Also, happy pride you guys 🥺💕 from your local chaotic bi

✂︎・・・masterlist

-`,✎ Atsumu, Oikawa and Terushima with a lesbian best friend

Miya Atsumu

You guys are like the ultimate power couple except you aren’t a couple

Everyone thinks you guys are dating at first because Atsumu isn’t the type who’s openly close and touchy with a girl but when he’s with you, you two are basically attached by the hip, even more so than he is with his brother

But surprise!! You’re gay as gay can be

When you first told him, he didn’t even bat an eye

“I already knew.”

“What?? How?”

“I’VE KNOWN YOU FOR YEARS, YOU THINK I WOULDN’T NOTICE!?”

But he’s so genuinely happy you trusted him enough to tell him, also he was beginning to worry you were going to tell Osamu first

He’s surprisingly the most supportive best friend ever

If anyone ever tries to give you shit for your sexuality then they will have to face the wrath of an angered Atsumu (+Osamu ofc)

He was already pretty blunt with his words to begin with, just imagine him angry

You two do this thing where you sit somewhere in public, usually munching on snacks from the convenience store, people watching

When I say people watching, I mean checking girls out

“Look over there, she’s cute.”

“Ew, she’s way out of your league.”

“What do you mean?!”

He’d smack your ice cream to the ground when you say this and he’d have to buy you a new one after you started smacking him with your bag

He’ll never admit it to anyone except you but he sucks with girls

THEY FALL FOR HIM LEFT AND RIGHT AND HE CAN DEAL WITH FANGIRLS BUT WHEN HE ACTUALLY LIKES SOMEONE HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO

Basically: He’s a dork

He goes to you for love advice, mostly because he trusts you and because he knows there’ll be less teasing (Osamu would never let him hear the end of it)

Plus you have more experience than Osamu hehe

He’d drape himself over your lap as you’re working and tell you about all his woes

“Why do I keep scaring her off?”

“Listen, Tsumu, you just gotta cut the sarcasm and try not to sound condescending all the time.”

“I don’t sound condescending all the time!”

“Are you deaf??”

Not gonna lie, people are lowkey intimidated by you two

He’s pretty protective of you, like in an older brother type of way

Listen he knows that guys are trash but he knows how ruthless girls can be, he doesn’t want to see you get hurt

He ends up unintentionally scaring away other girls from you which you def weren’t happy about

Oikawa Tooru

His fangirls hate you with a burning passion

You’re the one girl he’s completely let into his life, you were one of his closest friends

He was just drawn to you, you know? You two just clicked immediately

Mostly because you both radiated the same crackhead energy

But also because you weren’t the same as the other girls in his school, you didn’t look at him with this starstruck look in your eyes like he was some idol, you saw him for who he really was

That sounds so sappy, he would never tell you any of this, you’d tease him too much

He’s so cute though, he calls you his platonic soulmate

He’s a super affectionate person

He always has his arm around your shoulder or linked with your own, another reason why his fangirls have it out for you

WHAT THEY DIDN’T KNOW WAS THAT YOU WERE MORE INTO THE THEM THAN YOU WERE INTO OIKAWA

Subconsciously, Oikawa knew that you would never fall for him and he loved that about your relationship, he didn’t worry about you becoming a fangirl or losing the bond you two shared because of awkwardness

But he just thought it was because you really only saw Oikawa as a friend and not because you were gay

When you did tell him, he was so surprised and he internally slapped himself because “I should have known!!” He knows you better than anyone, why didn’t he see the signs??

He’s so great about it though, he immediately takes you in his arms and tells you that you’re amazing and thanks you for telling him

“(Y/N) this is so great, it means we have more in common!”

If anyone, I mean anyone, whether it be fangirl or classmate or stranger on the street, says anything bad about you he will not hesitate to throw some hands

Listen, Oikawa may have a reputation to uphold but if anyone talks shit about his best friend then he’s going to go feral

You were definitely Oikawa’s go-to for girl advice

When he had a crush, when he didn’t know how to deal with his fangirls, when his girlfriend dumped him, you were the first one he went to

“I can’t believe she broke up with me.”

“Pfft, you could do better. I told you not to date her.”

“Would you have dated her?”

“I mean she was hot but come on, she was a bitch.”

sorry i just hate his ex-girlfriend even tho we dont even know her

Okay but you two are like this ultra attractive chick magnet when you’re together

You’re probably popular at school if you have Oikawa by your side 24/7, you probably have your own fangirls too

Terushima Yuuji

Funny story, you and Terushima first became friends after he hit on you during your first year

“Hey, couldn’t help noticing you earlier, I’m Terushima but you can call me babe.”

“Okay, first of all, I’m gay. Second, what the hell was that pick up line? You’re never going to get anyone’s attention if that’s the best you’ve got.”

You two immediately became best friends

Your friendship mainly consisted of you teaching Terushima how to actually pick up girls at first but you two still stuck with each other even after he mastered the art that is being a fuckboy

i love him so much but come on, he’s a total fuckboy

Now your relationship mainly consists of vine references and you trying to revoke your knowledge of picking up girls from him

You regret teaching him those things all those years ago

In all seriousness though, you two are basically family to one another, he trusts you completely

And yeah, needless to say, he is totally supportive of you and loves you unconditionally

At first glance, you two look like an overly touchy couple, he always has his arm draped around you and isn’t afraid to kiss you on the cheek and forehead

He’s constantly surrounded by a whole number of girls but he always tells people that you’re his #1

You two constantly have these moments where you’re both out and a pretty girl walks by and you both just halt to a stop and check her out

Afterward, you both turn towards each other and freak out over how attractive she was

“Holy shit, (Y/N) she’s wearing a bi flag bracelet, go get her number.”

He always tries to set you up with other girls, you don’t even ask him to but he does anyways

“Are you free tomorrow?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Perfect, you have a date at 2, she'll pick you up at your place.”

“Wait, what—”

However, if you ever like someone then your boi Terushima will be your ultimate wingman

He just wants to see you happy okay?

So he will do absolutely anything to help you get your girl, no doubt about it

WILL FIGHT ANYONE FOR YOU

If anyone tries to hurt you then he’s gonna call the bois and beat them up, he will not let them slide

He will definitely go to pride with you, he’ll arrive clad in full rainbow attire

“What do you mean you won’t wear the matching rainbow cape, (Y/N) I paid good money for this.”

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