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anony-phangirl · 5 years

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Asphyxiated By You

Chapter 1

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 1,342

Warnings (for this chapter): Swearing, Shrek vs Beauty and the Beast debate (if that’s a trigger?)

A/N: A little off sched. Sorry ‘bout that. XD

Art piece companion by @raterina-and-rayla (This is good, I love. ^-^)

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Things did not get any better for Virgil and Roman's relationship.

Truly, it was a good thing that Roman's best friend, another youtuber that Virgil liked- Thomas Sanders, had walked in on the argument and settled things between the two roommates.

And now, two years had passed by, and barely anything had changed- obvious as the two were arguing again.

"You take that back!" Roman exclaimed, clearly outraged by Virgil's statement.

"Well, can't take back the truth Princey." Virgil shrugged. "You just gotta admit that Shrek is a more superior movie."

"It is not!" Roman stated, fuming as he stomped his foot. "Beauty and the Beast is much *much* better than- than that movie!"

"Eh, I'd beg to differ. Especially counting in the fact that, there's just a better story to it than that old Disney film, and counting in the other fact that Shrek is less Stockholm Syndrome-y than that of Beauty and the Beast. Plus! The soundtrack is awesome."

"What?! How dare-"

And then, there goes the screaming, words mashing together as insults and arguments flew in the air.

And once again, Thomas had the absolute perfect timing, of arriving just as a full blown cushion war had began.

"Guys guys stop! You are acting like children, again!!" He called out, loud enough for the two to hear and stop throwing cushions at each other.

"He started it!" They both said, pointing at each other.

Thomas let out a frustrated sigh. "Well, whoever started, and whatever your argument is about, I can assure you that you two can settle this after you cleaned up the mess you made. Wouldn't want Patton and Logan lecturing you two again now would you?"

They both shook their heads.

"Great. Now, go on ahead and clean up your place. I'll take these chips and prepare some popcorn for movie night. Have you chosen your movie?" He asked.

The two glared at each other, which only proved to show that they haven't.

Thomas let out another sigh. "Well, I guess we'll be doing another vote later then."

And with that said in an air of finality, Roman and Virgil set to work, cleaning up the living room while Thomas set out to make snacks.

About thirty minutes later, more of Roman's friends- Joan and Talyn- arrived. They both ended up settling the whole debate on which movie they should watch, with Shrek having won.

Then another thirty minutes pass by before the beloved glasses gays- a nickname that Joan had once used to tease the two lovers that only stuck- finally arrived.

"Patton, Logan, come on in." Thomas greeted by the door with a warm smile.

Patton, Virgil’s quite tall friend, was the first to enter, in his usual outfit of a button up shirt with his cat hoodie tied up over his shoulders and around his neck, hanging behind him like a superhero.

His curly golden brown hair (which Virgil had found the habit of comparing to Daniel Howell’s hair) bounced slightly as he skipped into the place, his baby blue eyes filled with excitement, his freckles more obvious with that adorable smile on his face.

“Virgil! I missed you!” Patton said, giggling as he strided over to him.

And the next thing Virgil knew, he was being engulfed by his six foot one giant friend, while Logan, Patton’s boyfriend and Virgil’s other friend, entered the apartment.

Logan stood at five foot five, his posture was perfect, his dark blue eyes were calculating while he held an air of seriousness around him, his medium side part hairstyle was slicked back, not a single strand out of place, despite lacking the gel.

“Salutations, friends.” Logan greeted, before turning to his boyfriend. “Patton, dear, you just saw him yesterday, let him go before he chokes from lack of air.”

Patton flushed, giggling before he did. “Sorry Virge. And I know, Lo! But you know me.”

“Fortunately so.” Logan replied, a crack of a smile on his face. “Now, what movie have you selected for us to watch?”

“Shrek.” Virgil shrugged, smirking at Roman, who only stuck his tongue out at him.

Logan nodded.

“Well, what are we waiting for then! Let’s get movie night started!” Thomas smiled, before everyone headed to the living room.

-x-x-x-

Somehow soon, everyone found themselves comfy, with Thomas, Talyn, and Joan sat on the floor, and Logan, Patton, Virgil and Roman on the couch- with Patton and Logan cuddling and Thomas being stuck between his two friends who were both cuddled up to him (not that he minded, he loves his friends).

Soon quickly became half past midnight, with the third Shrek movie playing in the background as one by one people began drifting off- Logan falling asleep on his boyfriend, and Thomas and Talyn having drifted off on the floor next to Joan, who continued to watch with sleepy eyes.

Virgil himself began dozing off, snorting awake every now and then as he tried his best to avoid leaning against Roman. He'd really rather not fall asleep on the guy that he argues with on a daily basis.

But then, it's not as if he could stop himself, seeing as during the teachable moment with Merlin, the calm atmosphere of the movie slowly eased him to slumber, and the next thing he knew- It was morning, and he was in his bedroom.

"Wha..?" He groaned to himself, before groggily sitting up and blinking.

What had happened? Did Roman carry him to his room? The last thing he remembers from the night prior was dozing off…

Nevertheless, he let out a sigh before getting out of bed, letting out a yawn as he stood up, before stretching out his arms. He was still tired, but when is he ever not?

He let out a sigh before walking over to his bathroom, brushing the morning breath off his mouth before washing the sleep off his partly freckled face. He sighed as he looked at the mirror.

He still looked like a mess, but it wasn't like he was leaving the apartment.

And with a final sigh, he turned and left the bathroom, before leaving his own room. He headed to the kitchen, planning on eating some cereal, as he passed by the living room, the two nerds, still cuddled up together, lay asleep on the couch and the other three friends sleeping on a big comfy duvet on the rugged on the floor.

He let out another small yawn, smiling at the sight of his friends, before carrying on his way to the kitchen.

As he got there, he found Roman, already up and making breakfast.

"You're up early, Gavin." Roman grumbled as the sound of bacon being fried filled the air.

Virgil shrugged, giving Roman a tired morning glare. "Just hungry, Nines." He grumbled.

Ah the nicknames, sincerely adapted from that one interactive choice-based game, Detroit: Become Human. It was a game that they both found themselves agreeing on was actually good and something they enjoyed playing together as a sort of choosing.

Though Roman had mentioned how Virgil had acted like the one asshole, Gavin, in the game, not to mention the last name familiarity. Hence how the man began calling him Gavin, and Virgil ended up calling him Nines, as a reference to RK900, just for the heck of it.

"Well, I'm already cookin' up some bacon and eggs, so don't bother making your cereal." Roman waved.

He narrowed his eyes at him, before he grabbed his cereal box… It was unusually lighter than before.

"Did you steal some of my cereal again?"

"What? No! That's ridiculous!" Roman denied, almost immediately. "Now shoo! I might end up accidentally burning these if you keep distracting me!"

"I'll burn you for stealing my fuckin' cereal, you fuckin' asshole…" He grumbled, as he walked off to the dining room.

The day then continued on from there as usual, with their friends having left at noon- the normal arguments, to the very odd and unusual ones, it all just went on from there.

—– —– —– —– —–

General Taglist:

@irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @royallyanxious @alyssadashrub @my-happy-little-bean @onenightjoanly @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @ruuworld @trashypansexual @creepy-crawly-death-dealer @fluidityandgiggles @scarletnoiryt @xxladystarlightxx @sanderstalker @ccecode @uwillneverknowwho

Taglist for this fic:

@lcrnbw

If I missed anyone, please feel free to shout at me… or message me. XD

Also, if you wanna be removed or added to the general list (which means I tag you in all my stories, or most) then just ask via ask, reblog or dm

#ts-storytime #ts-storytime submission #ts-storytime 2019 submission #fanders big bang #fanders big bang 2019 #anony writes #prinxiety #logicality #roman crest #virgil reed #thomas sanders #joan #talyn #logan picani #patton cloud #logan and emile are brothers here #btw #XD #sanders sides

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thirteen-beaxhes · 5 years

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Our Last Words - Chapter 3

Summary: In a universe where the last words your soulmate speaks to you are printed, Cyrus Goodman wants nothing more than to never meet them. And he definitely doesn’t want it to be the blonde-haired boy in his class.

ALL LINKS IN REBLOG

~~~~~~

Love - Lana del Rey

“I’ll get it!” Cyrus yelled as he ran down the stairs to open the door.

“You came!” he said in excitement, seeing Andi and Buffy armed with popcorn and cold drinks.

“You’re talking as if we haven’t been here since literally yesterday and all we did was go to Andi’s to get popcorn,” Buffy said, laughing at Cyrus�� enthusiasm.

“But it felt like forever,” Cyrus whined jokingly, grabbing the drinks from Andi’s hands, leaving Buffy with the three bags of popcorn.

“Um, hello?! A little help here?”

“Why Buffy? Can’t carry it yourself?” Andi teased, challenging Buffy.

Unable to back down from a challenge, Buffy simply huffed and manoeuvred her way to the kitchen.

“So, who else is coming, Cy?” Buffy asked, setting down the popcorn.

“So Jonah and Libby should be here in about 10 minutes. And Amber said she’ll be coming soon.”

“Amber’s coming?” Andi said, looking up from her phone, in a voice feigning disinterest. She was failing miserably at that.

“Ooh, Amber huh?” Buffy said, bumping her shoulder into Andi’s, clearly enjoying the way the blush was creeping across her cheeks.

“Who else is coming, Cyrus?” Andi asked, trying to change the direction of the conversation.

“Only TJ.” Now it was Cyrus’ turn to be slightly flustered.

The girls immediately went ‘Ooooohh’ and laughed at Cyrus’ face. He was more than happy to open the door to Jonah and Libby.

Within the next half an hour, Amber and TJ also joined them, both arrivals garnering a round of winking and eyebrow-wiggling directed at Andi and Cyrus respectively.

“So what do you guys want to do?” Cyrus asked, also signing his words.

“Dude, it’s your birthday. You should decide!” Jonah replied, with sounds of agreement from everyone.

“Movie marathon and pizza!”

His response was greeted with loud cheers from everyone in the room until Buffy groaned. “You better not put on some documentary about reptiles, Cyrus or else I’ll never talk to you ever again.”

“Hey, I like watching those documentaries with Cy!” TJ replied, to Cyrus’ surprise.

“Sure, it’s the documentaries you like watching,” Buffy muttered, still very much audible. A chorus of ‘Aww’s sent the two boys blushing like crazy.

“The ‘Mamma Mia!’ movies?” Amber suggested, after everyone in the room had calmed down a bit.

They all needed just one look at each other before Cyrus ran to the laptop and loaded up the first movie.

They spent the next 4 hours just dancing and singing along to the classics that were ‘Mamma Mia!’ and ‘Mamma Mia!: Here We Go Again’. Cyrus looked around, noticing Andi and Amber sticking close to each other the whole time, Amber occasionally pulling in Andi for a dance. He couldn’t help but smile at the pair. They really were oblivious to the other’s affections. Libby and Jonah just seemed happy in the moment, as Jonah constantly tried to twirl Libby, failing miserably nine times out of ten. Buffy danced along with Cyrus sometimes, occasionally bumping into Jonah and Andi, distracting them. Otherwise, she mostly danced alone, smiling. Cyrus felt kind of bad, knowing that she was wishing Marty were there. He really had tried calling him, but like they had realised. The universe just wouldn’t let the two meet after the words had been said.

The times when Cyrus wasn’t dancing with Buffy, he was with TJ. It was a surprise he was alive, to be honest. TJ’s hair was messy with all the dancing, and his face just had this smile of just pure, unadulterated joy. Cyrus wanted to look at his smile forever. That may be creepy, but he couldn’t care much at the moment.

“Hey,” TJ whispered, pulling him aside during one of the scenes. “I got you something for your birthday.”

“Teej, I told you that you didn’t have to…” Cyrus started saying before TJ cut him off.

“I wanted to, okay? Here,” he said, handing Cyrus a paper bag. In it was an adorable soft toy dog with a handmade tag saying ‘Underdog’. And there was also a chocolate chocolate chip muffin.

Cyrus looked up at TJ, and he swore that his heart had melted. Why did TJ Kippen have to be so sweet and sentimental and perfect?

“TJ, I love it! Thank you,” Cyrus exclaimed, hugging TJ tight, keenly aware of his heart going ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom at a million miles per hour.

“I knew you would,” TJ replied, holding him closer.

Cyrus could have stayed there for ages, but a crashing sound made the two jump apart, alerting them that maybe Jonah should not be left near some tables and couches.

“Man, I forgot how draining it is dancing for 4 hours,” Amber exclaimed, collapsing into the couch as the credits of the second movie began to roll. The others all followed suit, some falling on top of each other in the process.

“Why Ambs, not got the stamina?” Andi teased, earning a light punch in the shoulder from Amber. Neither meant it, indicated by the looks of utter fondness in their eyes.

“Now what?” Jonah asked, putting an arm around Libby.

“Well,” Buffy said, her voice implying she had a scheme. “We could watch a horror movie…”

“No!” Andi and Cyrus yelled in unison. They were not watching horror movies with Buffy. She always picked the scariest ones, the last one having left them sleepless for a whole month.

“Oh, don’t worry Underdog. I’d protect you from everything,” TJ said, pulling Cyrus to him by the shoulder. Cyrus tried to keep him cool and act normal, but who was he kidding? That was enough to make his heart go crazy.

“Fine, if you wanna suck the fun out of everything.”

“Well, it’s already 10 pm. So we have, what, 5 hours until all of us are asleep?” Andi said.

“We can watch the Hunger Games movies! They’re good, plus we’ve seen them so many times, we might as well watch it another time.” Buffy replied, everyone nodding in agreement.

“Great! I prepared just for this eventuality,” Cyrus said, leaving the room to his friends’ confusion. He returned bearing a huge pile of blankets and pillows.

“Okay guys, here are your options of comforters. Choose wisely, as we won’t be getting up for the next 5 years,” Cyrus announced to the cheers from the group. After everyone had taken their blankets, there was only one left, and TJ and Cyrus had not taken one yet.

“Looks like we’ll have to share,” said TJ, winking at Cyrus. Oh, he was not going to survive.

“Good luck getting any blanket to yourself, Kippen,” Cyrus said, in a mock-threatening tone.

“We’ll see about that, won’t we Goodman?” TJ replied, his voice dropping low.

Cyrus simply rolled his eyes and sat on the couch, keeping a safe distance between him and TJ.

Oh please. What’s the worst that could happen?

It was only halfway through the 3rd movie that TJ noticed that Cyrus had fallen asleep on him, his arm snaked around TJ’s waist. Andi and Amber had fallen asleep, cuddling close. Libby and Jonah were signing and texting to each other. And Buffy was munching on popcorn and hugging her blanket, her concentration solely focused on the movie.

In this quiet moment, TJ snuck a glance at the sleeping boy using him as a pillow. The sight of Cyrus’ calm and peaceful face sent TJ’s heart into a frenzy. He tried to move Cyrus onto the pillow, but if he shifted even an inch, Cyrus just held on tighter. Cyrus looked adorable asleep (well, he looked adorable always, but especially when asleep) and TJ’s massive crush on Cyrus did not help him in the slightest.

After some time, of TJ trying to move Cyrus to no success, he just put his arm around him and continued watching. Eventually, the movie sounds became a lullaby, and the warmth coming from Cyrus holding onto him made TJ incredibly comfortable. Laying his head on top of Cyrus’, he soon fell asleep.

Cyrus woke up, slightly disoriented, as he noticed that the movies had stopped playing. He must have fallen asleep while still watching the 3rd one, he realised. He also realised, to his slight horror, that he was clinging onto TJ, who also had his arm around him and was resting his head on Cyrus’. He started, and before he could try and control himself, he felt TJ stir awake.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” Cyrus whispered, trying to detach himself from TJ in the process.

“No no, it’s okay,” TJ replied, pulling Cyrus closer. “I don’t mind.”

“What time is it?”

“I don’t know,” TJ said, laughing softly. “My phone’s on the floor, probably out of charge.”

Cyrus lay his head on TJ’s shoulder, calming down a bit after the initial shock of waking up cuddling TJ Kippen. “What time do you think it is?” he whispered.

“Well, it’s still dark out, so like 4 I guess?”

Cyrus held TJ, the weird time somehow giving him a burst of courage? Confidence? Stupidity? Whatever it was, it was there. They lay quiet for a while, the only sound they could hear was each other’s breathing. Against his better judgement, Cyrus whispered, “I’m scared.”

TJ straightened up a bit. “About what, Cy?”

“Soulmates.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to meet a person who I think is the one, and when I find out they are, it’s too late.”

“Yeah, I understand. It doesn’t make any sense. Why would you make a person perfect for you, then not have you know until after you’ve lost them forever?”

There was a pause, when TJ asked, “Is there any person you wish is your soulmate?”

Cyrus sighed. “More like the opposite. There is a person who I wish isn’t my soulmate.”

“Oh?” TJ said, his smile coming through his voice. “Do I know them?”

Cyrus looked up at TJ, “Why should I tell you?”

“Come on, Underdog! You have to tell me.”

“Never in your wildest dreams.”

They laughed, but the realisation of the space between them, or lack of, hit them slowly. They were very much in each other’s personal space, but that didn’t matter to them, never had. Prompted by some unexplainable force Cyrus started leaning in ever so slowly and was surprised to see TJ do the same. His gaze flickered down to his lips and the distance between them was closing in and-

“Shoot!” Buffy whisper-screamed, as she fell off the couch. The sound sent TJ and Cyrus jumping apart. “Sorry!” she said, climbing back up.

“I’m just gonna sleep,” Cyrus said, not looking at TJ.

“Y-Yeah, me too,” TJ stammered back, moving to the other side of the couch.

They shared the blanket well enough, and Cyrus lay his head on the back of the couch, but he couldn’t sleep no matter how much he tried. He and TJ had been so close, and if Buffy hadn’t fallen then, who knows what would have happened?

No, he knew exactly what would have happened, and he didn’t know if he was more confused or scared.

The next morning, as the group packed up their things and left the Goodman residence, Cyrus still didn’t know what to say to TJ.

“Thanks for coming, Teej,” he said, setting for a simple one.

“No problem, Underdog. I had fun,” TJ replied, his eyes attempting to avoid Cyrus’.

“I’ll see you in school then?”

TJ nodded and walked away as Cyrus went into his house. He turned around and looked at TJ one last time, still confused about the events of the previous night. Shaking his head, he went back into his house.

A few moments later, TJ turned to look back at Cyrus just as he closed the door, emotions running fast through his mind.

~~~~~

Hey guys, hope you liked this chapter! I’m trying my hardest to keep a regular schedule so bear with me for a while!

If you want me to tag you when I post, please hmu!

#andi mack #tyrus #tyrus fanfic #tyrus fanfiction #our last words fic #my fic #tj kippen #cyrus goodman #ambi #amber #andi #buffy driscoll #jonah beck #libby #jibby #tj x cyrus #tyrus soulmate au #fanfic #fanfiction

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livingthroughchoices-blog · 6 years

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The Marshmallow Chronicles (Ch. 13: Hunting for Love)

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Author’s notes: Hi! Sorry this took so long! As I told a lovely anon, I had been working on it for a while and it was deleted so I had to recover from the frustration.

Thanks to the people who like, reblog and/or comment. You guys are the reason I’ve kept going <3 Huge thanks to @starstruckzonkoperatorbat, @notoriouscs, @simplyaiden-blog, @snyggflicka, @asprankle, @speedyoperarascalparty, @mirivalencia, @mymandrake and @asobigokoro2018 for asking me to tag them!

Love you guys <3

Rating: T

Pairing: Drake x MC

Words: 5,943

Drake retired to his room early, not feeling up to enjoying the festivities.

God, this sucks. I have to get this under control. Am I just gonna feel like shit all the time now?

Out of a sense of self-preservation he reflected he should probably keep his distance from Riley for the foreseeable future. He was shocked to realize that the thought of not being around her was more painful than seeing her with Liam.

I guess I do want Adams to be a part of my life...

He flopped down unto his bed, trying to think of something that could distract him, when he felt his phone vibrate twice in his pocket.

He pulled it out and read, “Hey, Drake! Where did you run off to?”

And then a separate message, “It’s Addams 😊”

His stomach did a somersault, seeing her call herself the nickname he called her. He’d already known it was her; Liam had given him her number “just in case”, as he put it, but Drake could never bring himself to text her. It would have felt like an even greater betrayal of Liam’s friendship. He had, however, spent more time than he cared to admit with his fingers hovering over the keyboard, staring at her picture and holding himself back from typing.

“You know me, Addams, always sneaking off”

“Yeah, but you could’ve asked me to come with you ☹️“

Right, like she wasn’t having fun with Liam.

He was wondering whether there was a way to phrase that so it was less obvious how bitter he was and then she texted again.

“You’re welcome btw”

“For what?”

He noticed she was already typing the moment he sent it. He was glad she didn’t play games with texting, didn’t wait long to reply, didn’t mind double-texting.

“For not making you my court jester! You would’ve looked cute in that cap tho lol”

“Funny. So why didn’t you?”

“Well, you only made that bet to motivate me”

The three dots were still on the screen so he waited. She seemed to be thinking especially hard about this text, as she took inordinately long typing it. Drake’s palms were sweating.

“And... tbh, as soon as they said a cup-bearer is someone you trust I knew I had to say you”

Drake was thankful he couldn’t choke or stutter through texts. He threw his phone on the bed and put his head under his pillow, completely overwhelmed. He couldn’t stop smiling, yet he felt close to tears at the same time.

Pull it together, man.

He took a few breaths to steady himself and grabbed his phone. He caught a glimpse of his dopey smile reflected on his phone’s dark screen before he unlocked it.

“You’re making me blush, Addams”

“You’re going soft on me, Drake ;)”

“Hey, thanks. I trust you too”

“No prob, I’ll have plenty of chances to beat your ass lol”

He could practically see her smirk.

“Ha, we’ll see about that”

“Well, I'd better go to bed, my alarm clock is waaay too chipper in the mornings”

“Is being queen even worth Maxwell waking you up every day?”

“I’m starting to doubt it haha”

He knew she was kidding, but he still couldn’t help the stupid, senseless hope he felt at that.

She texted once more, “Thanks for everything, Drake, I mean it. See you tomorrow?”

“Any time :) see you tomorrow”

He set his alarm for the next morning feeling a little more optimistic. That was it, he just had to find the right balance with Riley. He could give her a break, for starters. Since his feelings would not be ignored, he could use them to be nicer and act like a real friend to her, for a change. Yes, instead of wallowing in his unrequited crush, he would try to grow and improve through this.

With this in mind, he turned the lights off and went to sleep.

The next day he got up unusually early, determined to be a better version of himself. He started by finding Liam, who was enjoying a rare quiet moment in the stables.

“Hey, Liam!”

“Drake! This is a pleasant surprise! What brings you here so early?”

“I don’t know, we haven’t hung out in a while and I thought...” he trailed off.

I really have to get better at this friendship thing.

Liam looked touched, so much so that Drake felt his embarrassment grow.

“I’d like nothing better! How are you? Any news of Savannah?”

“Nothing. Radio silence. And her trail’s gone cold so...” he sighed.

Liam put a supportive hand on his shoulder, “Listen, if there’s anything I can do, all you have to do is ask. I’ve asked Bastien to look into it, but he seems to have a lot on his plate lately.”

“Oh, so it’s not just me?”

“That he’s been short with?”

“Short? More like a dick! Do you know he yelled at me yesterday for no reason?”

Liam raised a skeptical eyebrow, “No reason?”

“Okay, so I teased him a little but Liam, I swear, it was nothing compared to the pranks we used to pull on him!”

Liam chuckled. “Remember when we locked him out of the training room?”

“Or when we put those balloons behind the door?” Drake snorted.

“He was so startled when they popped he pulled out his gun!”

“Yeah, in retrospect I can see how that was actually pretty dangerous and not super fun for him,” admitted Drake, though he was still chuckling.

“It was very irresponsible,” agreed Liam. “We should really show him some sort of appreciation soon, especially if he is under pressure.”

“Good idea, but you should leave that to me; you’ve got enough shit to do.”

“Do I? Other than choosing a queen for Cordonia and my lifelong partner, my schedule is wide open,” Liam joked.

They heard footsteps getting nearer and Drake peeked out to see King Constantine approaching the stables. That’s my cue.

“I’d better take Morello, then.” He strode to one of the stalls, where a jet black horse whinnied excitedly. “Hey, boy.” He led him gently outside, grabbing a saddle on his way back to Liam. “Well, if there’s any way I can help you, just say the word.” Drake clapped his back.

“I know, Drake, thank you.”

Drake waved goodbye and exited, his horse walking behind him. He briefly stopped to give the King a perfunctory bow. He ambled around the grounds, at peace for the first time in what seemed like ages. He’d missed Liam’s company. He was used to long periods of only seeing each other for quick conversations, but lately, his once-easy friendship had felt anything but. Now, with a clearer mind and knowing what he intended to do about his silly crush, it all seemed as simple as it used to be.

In a secluded spot, he saddled Morello. He caressed its muzzle and the horse nickered affectionately. “I missed you, too, buddy. It’s been busy around here, you know? Busier than usual. New people and everything.”

He scratched behind its ears, lost in thought. He looked back towards the stables and saw most of the group already mounted. “All right, seems like everyone’s on their horses. You ready?”

Morello neighed, which Drake took as a yes. He swung expertly onto his saddle and took the reins. “Now listen, if there’s ever been a time when we gotta look good, it’s this one, okay?”

The horse snorted and Drake patted its neck.

Nothing wrong with trying to impress the suitors. It’s not like I’m making a move or anything. I just want her to know I’m good at something.

He directed Morello at a slow gait toward the others. He’d decided to stay in the back, should anyone need any help.

Nobles don’t tend to be good at much.

He smiled a little, remembering when Tariq had gotten his foot tangled in the stirrup a few years ago and sighed contentedly.

Yeah, today might be a good day.

He saw Riley up ahead and had already raised his hand to urge Morello forward with the reins, then thought better of it.

You’ll go up to her if it’s natural. Stop forcing it.

He settled in the last spot. After a few minutes of riding at a ridiculously slow pace, his gaze started drifting more and more often towards Riley, until he was fully staring at her.

I’m such a creep.

Try as he might, though, he couldn’t help looking at her, the shapes her lips made when she talked or smiled, how beautifully her hair moved in the breeze...

I’m gonna make myself sick.

She was currently having what looked like a surprisingly civil conversation with Olivia.

Yuck. She’s such a better person than I am.

A few minutes later, Hana was the one to approach her.

Lovesick idiots that we are.

He shook his head fondly at Hana.

God, I hope you come out of this better than me, kid.

Hana moved back to talk to the rest of the suitors. At the same time, Drake noticed Lady Kiara trying to catch his eye and ignored her as politely as he could.

Out of desperation – fine, and also because I really, really want to talk to her – he called out to Riley, “Addams!”

She turned towards him, grinning. He returned her smile and waved her over. She immediately slowed down and let others pass her until she was at the back with Drake. He was pleasantly surprised at how well she commanded her horse.

Okay, here we go. Friends. We’re gonna be friends.

“There you are. You look like you actually know how to ride a horse.”

That’s something a friend would say, right?

One of Riley’s hands flew to her mouth in mock surprise. “Oh my gosh, opening with a compliment?”

“Careful, don’t want you falling off your horse now.” Drake smirked, though he still regarded her uneasily.

Friends worry about their friends!

“I’m surprised you’re out here with all the nobles today.” It was phrased like a statement, but there was a question behind it.

Well, obviously the truth is out of the question.

“Turns out, I had an opening in my schedule today.” He grinned. “And there’s something oddly satisfying about watching nobles fuss over their stuffy blazers.”

Riley giggled. “Is this why you’re not frowning... as much as usual, anyway.”

Drake didn’t know whether to shake her or kiss her.

It’s you! You’re the reason! Okay, how do I make that friend-appropriate?

“It has more to do with the company I keep.” That was probably the most sincere he’d been in the past year.

“A second compliment!” This time, Riley didn’t pretend to be shocked, she actually was. Her eyes shone as she looked at Drake, delighted.

“One more and you win the jackpot,” he winked.

If only I could actually give her anything.

“I hope it’s all your whiskey,” she teases.

It was Drake’s turn to act horrified. She pushed his shoulder and he smiled with a sigh.

“You know, when we first met, I wanted to dislike you so badly...” He was not sure why he was saying this.

I guess I want our friendship to start on a clean slate.

Riley’s eyes were wide. “You WANTED to dislike me? Why?”

Of course she finds it unbelievable that anyone could dislike her, cocky jerk.

He smiled to himself.

“You were crashing Liam’s bachelor party! It was supposed to be our last night out together before all of this... We’ve always been like brothers, doing everything together...” He thought of that morning, how spending a few minutes with him had felt like a privilege.

“Now I’m lucky to see him for five minutes without a noble girl throwing herself in front of him,” he finished bitterly.

After a moment of silence, he realized she might think he meant her and hurriedly apologized, “Sorry. I didn’t mean...”

She put her hand on his for a second, her eyes understanding, “I know what you meant.”

Drake could not comprehend how the smallest of her gestures could calm him, make him feel better, like he mattered.

I have to stop getting so pathetically emotional over every little thing she does.

He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I know we got off to a bad start, but somewhere along the way... things changed.”

Okay, stop it right there or you might go too far.

“Hell, Addams, I don’t even know why I’m telling you any of this.” He rubbed a hand on his face, embarrassed at this outpouring of honesty.

Riley spoke, “Drake, I wanted to dislike you too.”

He looked up from his hands, taken by surprise, although he had no reason to be. “You did?”

“Yeah, I mean, you were a total jerk to me!”

Understatement of the year.

“But now...”

Drake hated how his voice practically trembled with hope, “Now?”

“It took time... but I figured out that you’re actually human under all those scowls,” she poked him.

Of course. She barely even sees me as a friend, how could I have thought... Well, it doesn’t matter, being friends is already more than I deserve after the way I treated her.

He spotted Liam with his parents ahead.

There’s someone else I need to be better to.

“This has all been touching, but I need to rescue Liam from his family for a couple minutes.”

He heard Riley utter a small “Oh” as he rode ahead, and felt a twinge of guilt coupled with that insufferable emotion he’d been feeling constantly as of late, hope.

He reached them just in time to hear Queen Regina sing the praises of Madeleine, much to Liam’s apparent chagrin.

“Do you see what I am saying, Liam? Wouldn’t you agree that she is the superior choice?”

“She would certainly make an excellent monarch, son,” chimed in the King.

“She is a lady with many merits, yes,” replied Liam diplomatically.

“So is she the suitor you are most leaning towards, then?” prodded the Queen.

“I–I...”

“Liam!” Drake called, startling the three monarchs, who had been so absorbed in their conversation they had not noticed his arrival. “Wanna race ahead?”

“Loser does 30 push-ups!” Liam exclaimed, already urging his horse forward.

Liam was, of course, an accomplished rider. There really weren’t any rich people things you could afford to be bad at when you were a royal. However, Drake had spent more time in the stables than he had. And so, despite Liam’s exceptional instruction, he didn’t share the bond that Drake and Morello did.

All this to say, by the time Liam caught up with him, Drake had time to pretend to be looking at an imaginary watch on his wrist.

“Liam, Liam, Liam,” he said, with shakes of his head. “You’ve really got me to thank for your abs, you know that, right?”

Liam chuckled. “That’s my secret; I lose on purpose so I can stay in shape.”

Drake snorted. “You keep telling yourself that, buddy.”

“Drake, thanks for that.” Liam’s relief was palpable.

Drake sobered. “No problem. You looked like you’d rather be at the bottom of the canyon so...”

Liam gave a humorless laugh. “Not quite, but almost. I don’t think they understand that I’m conflicted enough as it is.”

Drake perked up at this, “Are you? I... thought it was a done deal. That you were choosing Riley, that is.”

Liam shushed him. “Not so loud!” He ran his fingers through his hair. “What can I say? In my heart, it is, but unfortunately that is not nearly enough.”

Drake’s heart sank.

Even if he doesn’t choose her, he’s in love with her. And he’s your best friend.

“Stop worrying so much, man, what’s that gonna do? Look, let’s just enjoy the feast today, huh? You still have a few events left to decide. Not to mention a Beaumont party to look forward to!”

“I’ll try. Although I must say, I am definitely looking forward to that! Their parties are really unparalleled.”

“That they are.”

He and Liam rode on in companionable silence until they reached the mountain village. It was charming and rustic, with its little cabins and huts surrounding a vast filed in which long tables had been set out, laden with food.

Once everyone had gathered round, King Constantine welcomed them, “Everyone, we’ve reached our hunting lodges. Our forebears would dine on the day’s hunt here, and though we no longer hunt, we will still have a great feast. But first, we race to celebrate our ancestors. The first to reach Prince Liam will be served first at the feast! Begin!”

Drake was torn between wishing he could participate – he was starving – and excitement at seeing the suitors race and possibly make a fool out of themselves. Except Hana, obviously. And Riley, he hoped... though that would provide an incredible opportunity to tease her.

No. Friends don’t want their friends to look dumb.

He needn’t have chided himself, for Riley did well. She didn’t win – predictably, it was Hana who did – but she did a good job for her first time, in Drake’s opinion.

An image popped up in his mind, uninvited, of himself teaching Riley how to ride properly. They were all smiles and laughter...

Stop it, brain.

He forced himself to concentrate on what King Constantine was saying, “That’s superb horsemanship in action. Servants, prepare the first plate for Lady Hana. Now, then. Let’s all take some time to rest. Dinner will begin shortly.”

The crowd broke into smaller, more relaxed groups. He dismounted Morello and tied him to the hitching rail where all the other horses were drinking water and chewing on oats or grazing. He saw Riley talking to Tariq, weirdly. Liam was engaged in conversation with Olivia – no, thanks – and then he spotted Maxwell and Hana.

“Congratulations, Hana! That was some riding,” he admired as he approached them.

“Yeah, you kicked ass!” Maxwell agreed enthusiastically.

She blushed, “Thank you. I am glad I could put something my parents made me learn to use. If only to eat first.”

“I think that’s the best prize you could get, I’m starving! Right, Maxwell?”

Maxwell was looking out at Riley, who was talking to Liam, with an uncharacteristically pensive expression on his face.

Drake waved a hand in front of his face. “Maxwell? Everything okay, man?”

“Wha–? Oh. Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine.”

“Sure.” Drake eyed him suspiciously and shared a puzzled look with Hana, who broke the tension.

“Why don’t we go see what they’re up to?”

The three of them walked over to Liam and Riley. Liam was, as Drake had come to expect, smiling widely, completely engrossed in whatever Riley was saying.

“Hey, the feast is being put out.” Drake pointed out when they’d joined the pair.

“And they’ve got dishes supposedly blessed by the spirits of the nearby ruins,” Maxwell informed them.

Hana’s face instantly lit up. “Oooh! I’ve heard legends about those ruins! They sound magical. People travel from all around just to see them.”

“It’s a shame we’re not scheduled to see them,” Liam frowned.

Thank God! Bunch of old rocks.

Hana’s face fell as fast as it had brightened before. “We aren’t? I was so hoping to...”

Maxwell put a comforting arm around her shoulders and suggested, “Why don’t we just go anyway? Sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!”

A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to miss out on delicious food, maybe.

“Are you sure we should?” Hana asked, cautiously eager.

No!

“It’d be nice to spend some time together without this crowd around,” Liam said. As always, he turned directly to Riley and asked, “What do you say, Riley?”

Riley had that familiar mischievous look she got when she was ready to break the rules. “Let’s have an adventure!”

Drake came close to protesting this decision, until he noticed that her face was practically glowing with excitement.

Fiiine, I’ll go. Crushes are so stupid.

He shook his head at himself but kept quiet, not wanting to spoil the others’ fun.

“Alright!” Maxwell fist-pumped.

“I’m excited to visit another piece of Cordonian history,” gushed Hana.

Liam took the lead and gestured for them to come. “Follow me. I know how to get there.”

They walked away from the crowded field and into the adjacent forest. At least this I can enjoy. Drake took in the lush trees, the leave-strewn path they were following and the mysteriously soothing sounds of nature surrounding them. He tried to see if he could spot any forest creatures, but aside from a few shuddering bushes, he didn’t see any; they had probably been spooked by the humans’ presence.

He breathed in deeply, feeling a bit better, despite the hunger. He realized he’d been walking next to Maxwell, who had been quiet the whole time.

What the hell?!

“Hey, Maxwell, you know I’m not buying that ‘everything’s fine’ bullshit, right?”

“What? Why? Everything is–”

“Stop it. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Maxwell sighed. “Okay. I need someone’s opinion on this, anyway. You know how I’m sponsoring Riley?”

“You can skip the intro, Maxwell, I am the same guy who’s been here for everything,” Drake rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, sorry.” Maxwell was cracking his knuckles nonstop at this point. Drake grabbed his arms and forced him to stop.

“What is it? It can’t be that bad.”

“It’s not bad, it’s complicated. Riley might not be sure about this whole thing anymore.”

Maxwell looked so conflicted that Drake put an arm around his shoulders and said, “Well, being queen is a big deal, dude! Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll come around!”

“It’s not that. Or at least, not just that. It’s... it’s Liam, too.”

Drake almost stopped walking and had to remind his feet to keep going.

Maxwell kept talking and Drake listened to him half-heartedly. “So I don’t know what to because on the one hand, she’s my friend now. I don’t want to force her to do anything she doesn’t want to! Especially something so big! And I know she feels pressured... I mean, who wouldn’t, with Bertrand? But on the other hand, House Beaumont desperately needs a win, now more than ever... er, for no particular reason.”

Drake was busy trying to calm his buzzing thoughts.

She’s not sure about Liam! Could it be that–?

No. There’s no way it’s because of you!

You can’t know that!

So what? Even if it is, you think she’s gonna give up a kingdom?

His internal argument was interrupted by Maxwell taking a huge breath and continuing, “And then there’s Liam; he really, really likes her and he probably thinks she likes him back and I know it’s not my place to tell him but I feel terrible.”

Right. Liam. You couldn’t do that to your best friend, either way.

There was no argument there.

“Drake? Are you going to say anything or...?”

“Oh, uh, yeah! I don’t think there’s that much to say except, Addams is going to choose whatever she chooses, okay? Even if Bertrand is pressuring her, she’ll do whatever she wants; she’s stubborn like that,” he smiled fondly. “And I guess you gotta trust that she knows.”

“Knows what?”

“Well, that she understands both the reason you brought her here in the first place and that you’re her friend. I’m sure she’ll do whatever she can to help House Beaumont and be happy. She’s one of those people that always finds a way, you know what I mean?”

“I do and I hope you’re right.”

“Psh, when am I not?”

Maxwell pushed him away. “When you said I wouldn’t dare ask the Queen to breakdance with me.”

Drake snorted, “You got me there. I underestimated how inappropriate you can be. And this is from a commoner.”

“I still think she secretly wanted to.”

“Right, maybe she just needed a few more glasses of champagne. Why don’t you try again at the next Beaumont party?”

“Don’t think I won’t.”

They spent the rest of the way laughing and coming up with stupid plans to get the Queen to breakdance.

“Here we are,” Liam announced from ahead of them.

The group moved forward out of the trees and into a clearing. Imposing, mossy stone ruins littered the place, most of them unrecognizable as buildings after so long.

“It’s so beautiful and serene,” Hana breathed out.

Without distractions, Drake’s hunger had returned with a vengeance. “Yep... sure are a bunch of old things here,” he shrugged.

Liam shook his head at him. “It’s so much more than that. There’s something so calm about this place. Can’t you sense it?”

They stood there for a few seconds, their own silence swallowed by the noises made by thousands of bugs and other small critters accustomed to their solitude.

As he’d come to expect, Maxwell broke their silence first, “The only thing I sense is about a million snakes and probably a couple of rock monsters getting ready to attack us.”

Hana’s eyes widened. “Rock monsters? Do you have any rock monsters in Cordonia?”

“It was a joke... just forget it.” Maxwell sighed in defeat.

“I want to find some ghosts,” said Riley, putting her arms up in a “spooky” stance.

“Ghosts?” Hana looked worried, again.

“Maybe one will tell me my future,” piped up Maxwell

That’s not how ghosts work.

“Or devour your soul,” Drake replied in a creepy voice.

Riley shot him a look, “Drake.”

He smiled at her and shrugged. “I’m just saying, that is the likelier outcome!”

“Since some of us,” said Riley pointedly, “seem determined not to take this seriously, why don’t we split up? That way we can all explore however we want.”

“Or not explore,” grumbled Drake.

Riley rolled her eyes at him.

They went their separate ways. Too hungry to be curious, Drake found a rock that looked like it might be halfway comfortable and slumped against it.

Hana’s already quiet footsteps were further muffled by the leaves and dirt, so he jumped when she addressed him, “Hi, Drake.”

“Hana! You scared the crap outta me!”

She giggled, “Sorry! I didn’t mean to.”

“Yeah, well, next time clear your throat or something.”

“Understood.”

She slumped – somehow making it look graceful – next to him.

“So how are you?”

“Same old. Acting like a dumb teenager with a crush, you?”

“Me too... although I never got to be a ‘dumb teenager’ so I wouldn’t know.”

“What are you gonna do about it? I just... I have no idea how to act or what to say or not to say.”

“I don’t think I’ll do anything about it at all. I am here as a suitor and that is something I must keep in mind. Not only that, but she’s my best friend... I don’t think I am prepared to risk our friendship.”

“Well, at least you have some sort of claim, you know? She’s your best friend. I’m... what? Her boyfriend’s best friend?” He scoffed.

They settled into a gloomy silence until Drake spoke again. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’d be risking your friendship. If she doesn’t... feel the same way, I’m sure she’ll understand.”

Hana thought about it for a long moment. “You may be right. I’m not certain I’ll have the courage, though.”

“Are you kidding? You came here from so far away and you’ve tried so many new things; of course you do! You have more guts that Liam, Maxwell and I combined. With Addams you might be evenly matched,” he chuckled.

Hana smiled. “Thank you, Drake. I only wish there was a way this could end favorably for everybody.”

Drake didn’t think that needed an answer. They all wished that. Hana patted his shoulder and left as quietly as she’d come.

Almost as soon her barely audible footsteps receded, Drake heard somebody else approach.

“Hey, Addams,” he greeted her.

She stood in front of him. “You look like you’re having a good time exploring,” she said with an arched eyebrow.

Drake grimaced. “Archaeology isn’t really my thing.”

Plus, I’m fucking hungry. Bordering on hangry.

“You could at least look around.” Riley gestured at the ruins. “It’s not like you come here often.”

“I looked around. There’s some old buildings. That’s about it.”

What happened to being friendlier, dammit?

“Hmm...” Riley considered what he’d said as if he’d actually made and interesting point instead of just sarcastic whining.

“Don’t you want to know where you come from? And what about insight into how people lived long ago?”

She sounded so fascinated it was almost enough to get Drake interested. Almost. “They could’ve ridden dragons for all I care. It doesn’t mean much now.”

There’s enough shit going on in the present, and shit to worry about in the future. Why look at the past?

He could see Riley was getting tired of his attitude.

Hell, so am I.

She put her hands on her hips. “So why did you come out here if you don’t really care for these sorts of things?”

Because you looked adorably excited about it?

As had become common for him, he went with a different version of the truth, “I don’t think we’re going to get many more times like this.”

Riley tilted her head, “Like what?”

“I mean... Liam is going to be king soon.” He swallowed painfully. “And you could very well be his queen. Everything’s going to change.” He bit the inside of his cheek and looked down. What was he going to do the day of the Coronation if he could barely handle the thought?

To his surprise, Riley’s next words were, “You know, you’re right.”

He looked up to see a fierce look on her face, “We don’t need to associate with the riff-raff. I mean, really, what could you even provide for us? A sense of grounding and humility?”

Drake shook his head but couldn’t help smiling a little. “I see what you’re trying to do here. It’s not going to work.”

“Or maybe someone to sneak us out of the palace? Why would we want that when we’re drinking champagne and shaking ambassadors’ hands?”

She sounds so sure. There’s no way Maxwell’s right, he probably misunderstood. She’s gonna be queen.

His stomach clenched and he had to make an effort to focus on their back and forth.

“Yeah, yeah. Keep on punching down.”

Riley’s voice softened and she stepped closer. “Or maybe we’ll need a reminder that no matter how tough someone may seem on the outside, there’s a big, lovable softie on the inside.”

“Hey!”

She put her hands on both his shoulders and gave him a goofy smile. “Come on, Drake. There’s a smile inside you somewhere.”

Drake gave up and smiled with a laugh. “You’re the worst, Addams.”

“Would you have me any other way?”

She’s gonna make me say something I’ll regret if she keeps asking those questions. Fuck no, I wouldn’t have you any other way. You’re amazing.

“Addams... We may have had some ups and downs between us, but I want you to know that I’ve enjoyed this little adventure with you. Not just the ruins, but the whole thing since I walked into your bar in New York.”

He looked her straight in the eyes and tried to say something nice in the least romantic way possible. “You’re... you’re not bad.”

Riley seemed more moved by that than he’d expected.

Maybe she understands I mean so much more than that.

“Awww, Drake, I care for you too.”

Goddamn. I care so fucking much and I can’t stop.

“Addams... I...”

Don’t say anything. Think of Liam.

He shook his head and sighed. He let himself meet her eyes; there was such an intense, yet soft look in them. He felt his gaze slowly make its involuntary way down to her lips. He couldn’t remember wanting anything as badly.

“You’re something else...” he choked out.

He heard her inhale sharply through her lips. She blushed, breaking their eye contact and putting her arms down.

I went too far.

“Now, we really need to get you out of here before you completely lose it.” The conversation was light-hearted again. “All this reflecting isn’t healthy for you.”

“You’re right. If I stay much longer, I might melt into a big ball of mush,” he shuddered. He had to stop putting himself in these situations; he’d come so close to saying or doing something he shouldn’t...

“Let’s go find the others.” He started walking towards the edge of the forest without looking back. Everyone else was already there.

“That was lovely,” said Liam.

“There weren’t any ghosts,” Maxwell complained.

“Why are you sad about that?” Hana seemed to grow more confused by Maxwell the more she knew him.

He shrugged, “I don’t know, I’m kind of curious what a ghost would have to say. Would’ve made a good story.”

“You can always lie. I’ll back you up,” offered Drake.

“There’s an idea!” he exclaimed.

Unexpectedly, Riley wrung her hands nervously, “Maxwell, please don’t tell me any ghost stories.”

“I won’t tell it to you. You’ll be a supporting character in the story.”

“Do I survive?” she asked with hope.

“No.”

“Aww...”

“Hah,” Drake mocked her.

Maxwell put an arm around Riley and reassured her, “Drake is the first to die, though.”

“Hey!”

Liam chuckled along with everyone but Drake, and then said, “Alright, everyone. It’s time to head out.”

Riley took one last look at the ruins, sounding resigned, “These ruins were bigger than I thought.”

“Could’ve used an open bar in my opinion,” muttered Drake.

Maxwell, who apparently was almost as hungry as Drake, urged them on, “The feast is waiting for us back at the village! Let’s go!”

“That’s the best idea you’ve ever had. Including sponsoring Addams,” said Drake, earning him a push from Riley.

The walk back to the field seemed much longer to Drake, eager as he was for something to eat.

When they eventually reached the banquet tables, he was relieved to find them still heaping with food; he’d been anxious it would all be gone by the time they returned.

“Wow... That’s a lot of meat!” Riley’s mouth was watering as she looked at the many cloches piled with different types of roasted meats.

“It’s not exactly a feast without it.” Drake said this as he loaded his plate with everything he could reach.

“A little more fruit couldn’t hurt,” Hana murmured, eyeing the comparatively few options a little sadly.

“I wouldn’t mind putting a bunch of fruit on a stake and waving it around like a sword.” Maxwell was already looking around the tables, trying to find something stake-like.

“Alright, let’s grab our food before Maxwell gets any other crazy ideas,” Drake interrupted.

Maxwell spotted a watermelon and grinned. “And then I could wear a watermelon as a helmet...” He smirked. “I’d be unstoppable.”

Drake had to forcibly remove Maxwell from the table before he could carry out any of his plans. Riley got him a bit of everything – except for watermelon – and brought both her and Maxwell’s plates to where Liam and Hana were already sitting.

Maxwell revealed a champagne bottle he’d managed to swipe from the table before Drake took him away.

“I’ll go get glasses!” Hana volunteered, and darted to the table to get five of them.

Maxwell popped the champagne and poured some for everyone. He then stood up and raised his glass.

“A toast to all of us and to our friendship!”

“To friendship!” chirped Hana.

“Ugh... to friendship,” agreed Drake reluctantly.

It’s only all I’ve thought about today.

Liam smiled at them all and said, “To friendship.”

“To friendship!” exclaimed Riley.

They clinked their glasses and drank.

Damn, if I didn’t get lucky with these people.

#trr #the royal romance #drake walker #drake x mc #prince liam #hana lee #maxwell beaumont #playchoices #choices #pixelberry #pb #fanfic #ch 13 #the marshmallow chronicles #long post

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harryscuddles · 7 years

Note

Hi sorry if this is weird I’m so very very unable to socialise.. I finished rereading y&b yesterday bc you reblogged something about it. I was wondering if you had any other favourites you would mind sharing? If it’s too much of a bother please just delete this,, (I’m so sorry for being annoying alfkfk)

hiiiiii!! noo youre not weird or annoying at all!! i’m glad you asked tbh i mean most of these are the classics but theres some other really really good ones that are really worth reading!

so as requested, here’s a list of some more of my all time favourites:

Love Is A Rebellious Bird

AU in which the boys still make music. Louis is the concertmaster of the London Symphony Orchestra, Harry is the New! and Exciting! interim conductor/ex-cello prodigy who “has made Mozart cool again” according to Esquire Magazine (Louis hates him immediately, which is definitely why he internet stalked him in his dark bedroom late at night that one time), and Niall is the best. Zayn and Liam are around too.Don’t hum Bolero.

Unbelievers

It’s Louis’ senior year, and he’s dead set on doing it right. However, along with his pair of cleats, a healthy dose of sarcasm and his ridiculous best friend, he’s also got a complicated family, a terrifyingly uncertain future, and a mortal enemy making his life just that much worse. Mortal enemies “with benefits” was not exactly the plan.

Or: The one where Louis and Harry definitely aren’t friends, and football is everything.

Here In The Afterglow

“If you hadn’t noticed, I don’t have many friends,” Louis whispers, the blossom of insecurity in his stomach unfurling and clawing its way into his throat.

Harry is silent for a long time, and then he speaks; a soft, slow uncurl that makes Louis’ stomach shake. “I’ll be your friend.”

1970’s AU. In a tiny town in Idaho, Louis’ life is changed forever by the arrival of a curious stranger.

Wild and Unruly

Harry is a cowboy sitting on the biggest oil reservoir in Wyoming, and Louis is the paralegal assigned to pressure him into selling his land.

Love’s Truest Language

The first part was meant as a joke. He didn’t really expect Harry to buy anything. It was just Louis’ way of softening the ‘get the fuck out’ blow.

“Where’s your order forms, then?”

“I don’t want your flowers.” Louis chided before directing all of his attention to the arrangement in front of him.

Harry laughed under his breath as he stood to his full height, “Who said anything about them being for you, love?”

your love is as bright as ever (baby love me lights out)

Harry’s got a late night talk show, Louis’ got a couple of Grammys, they’re best friends who like to kiss.

We’ve Got Nothing To Lose

“Oops!” A deep and slow voice fills Louis’ ears as an arm reaches around his waist, to keep Louis from rebounding into another white-outfitted body – this time a short young girl who could only be gymnast.“Hi,” Louis replies as he turns to smile up at the person and thank him for preventing Louis’ life from dissolving into a real-life game of Pong, but the words dry up in his throat when he sees.

The person is a boy, tall and lanky with curly brown hair pushed away from his face messily and held back by a gaudy Union Jack scarf, green eyes sparkling from all the camera flashes and impossibly pink lips curled in a wide smile that nearly encompasses his whole face.

And Louis recognizes him instantly. And he thinks that maybe if walking into the Olympic Stadium during the opening ceremony wasn’t enough, having Harry Styles’ arm around him might be the killing blow.Also known as an Olympics AU where Harry is a pro tennis player, and Louis is a pro footballer. They meet at the opening ceremony and fall in love, obviously.

Oh Glory

Tomlinson looks Liam over, tilting his head. “Are you a swimmer as well?”

“Yeah,” Liam says, a little cautiously. Harry wonders if it’s Tomlinson’s fame or the unimpressed eyebrow that’s making Liam wary. “Distance, I’m doing the 1500m. Harry here’s a sprinter.”

“Ah,” says Tomlinson, turning his glinting eyes back to Harry. “So you’re not an endurance man.” A beat passes, and his grin grows, wide and filthy. “Shame.”

Harry Styles is Team Great Britain’s newest swimmer, and has spent his whole life training for this moment, a chance at the gold medal in the Rio 2016 Olympics. All his training, hard work, and dedication to no distractions is tested when he’s assigned to the same Rio apartment as Louis Tomlinson, British gymnast and Harry’s childhood crush.

These Inconvenient Fireworks

Future AU in which nobody tries out for X Factor but the boys end up finding one other eventually anyway. Louis is a jaded bastard who owns a cat named Duchess and teaches drama to teenagers, Harry is an idealistic aspiring photographer/part-time footy coach, Zayn teaches English lit and wears leather jackets, Liam saves people from burning buildings, and Niall is Niall.

Pull Me Under

AU. As the first British footballer to come out at the prime of his career, it helps that Louis Tomlinson is in a long-term, committed relationship. Even if that relationship is fake. (Featuring Niall as Louis’ favourite teammate, Liam as Louis’ agent, and Zayn as Liam’s boyfriend, who just happens to be good friends with one Harry Styles.)

In Vogue

‘Is that why David Beckham has been featured multiple times on the pages of your life’s work? Does your criteria seriously consist of one thing – a man’s ass?’‘Well the ass is a man’s best asset,’ Harry smirks, holding the Martini glass high up his face. ‘And don’t call the magazine my life’s work. There are far more important things in life, Louis Tomlinson, than what’s printed on the pages of a magazine.’

Fashion AU. Louis is the editor in chief of Vogue magazine, and Harry’s running British GQ. Featuring Zayn as the crazy creative director and Louis’ confidant, Liam as the sports writer that gets to sit front row at fashion week and DJ Neil as the only sane person in the whole story. (There are no skinny jeans in this fic)

Escapade

In the grand scheme of things, finding a date for a wedding should be no problem for Louis Tomlinson. He’s rich. He’s handsome. He’s reasonably well behaved. But when the wedding is for his lifelong best friend (and former boyfriend), and is happening in under a month, finding a date for the ceremony and accompanying festivities becomes more of an adventure than he ever could have planned for.

The Dead Of July

Being an Avenger means continuing to be Captain America and smiling and being honorable for the public and Harry does his best. But it doesn’t give him time to figure out who he is supposed to be once he takes off his uniform and puts the shield to the side. Just being Harry had always involved Louis, and Harry fears he doesn’t know how to exist without him.

or: Harry is Captain America, and Louis’ been dead for 70 years.

California Sold

Notoriously closeted boyband member Harry Styles is famous on a global scale, meanwhile Louis, as his best friend, is back home in Manchester, living the typical life of a 24 year old. When Harry needs Louis with him in LA, a publicity stunt gone wrong changes their friendship forever.

A fake-relationship AU between two lifelong best friends.

Relief Next To Me

AU. What happens when a baker and a graphic designer meet via a very specific Craigslist post? Fate, friendship, food, and maybe more.

#hello this may have been more than you wanted but #i couldnt leave any out i got a bit carried away #also i promised myself i wouldn't half ass this and i didn't #also i really fucking love the olympics #also lmk if you wanted more obscure fics rather than the classics if you've already read them all #also #pleasdnjee come scream at me about these fics #my ask box is always open but like so are my messages #i would love it if you did #thanks for asking hun!!#mine #ask arsh #anonymous #fic rec anon

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lyraeon · 7 years

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Hi! Sorry for intruding, and you definitely don't have to answer if this too personnal or invasive, but I've been wondering if my depression might be a bipolar one for a while now, only I don't always see myself in the way people talk about mania/hypomania, only sometimes I do? And the way you described mania being /straightforwardly frustrating/ sort of spoke to me, so I was wondering if you could explain what you meant by that? (or direct me to posts where you have?) Huge thanks!

Hello friend!

I’m sure I have other posts about it somewhere, but short of digging through my whole relevant tag, I wouldn’t know where to look for them. But I don’t mind explaining overall.

First of all, if your depression seems to come and go, but not necessarily be replaced by hypomania or mania, it may be something else. Seasonal Affective Disorder is the most common alternative, but Cyclothymia is also a thing, and should especially be looked up if your depression also never hits a bottomless pit level. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking “well, it’s not THAT bad, so I guess I’m ONLY cyclothymic and I shouldn’t worry about it” or whatever though!! That’s just the depression talking and trying to keep you down. Ignore it.

I don’t know if I get manic or hypomanic, doctors have consistently disagreed about it. But, I know I have two main modes of mania, though they can bleed into each other.

There winds up being talk about hallucinations, self-harm, and graphic nightmares in this, so if that’s gonna bug anyone reading this, J on past it

Hyperactive mania:

What is sleep? This is not me procrastinating sleep or being distracted by other things, this is me flat out not needing more than 3-4 hours of sleep a night and having trouble getting to sleep to begin with, not in an insomnia “I’m so tired but can’t settle down” way but in a “I don’t feel tired unless I drink or take sleeping pills or otherwise really wear myself out” way.

Zero focus - I have little to no attention span most of the time to begin with (I suspect I have ADHD but most doctors will be reluctant to diagnose that in addition to bipolar, since mania has a lot of overlap). This typically gets worse during mania; I will repeatedly get up out of my chair to walk laps around my house, often gesturing wildly and definitely talking out loud to myself if no one’s home. I’ll sometimes try to play music to get the energy out to that, but rarely get through a single verse before skipping to the next.

Hyperfocus - and when I do manage to focus on something, (which has to either be something I’m REALLY ENJOYING or something social) I will get dragged into it for 14 hours and only snap out of it if I need a bathroom break or something. The Sims is a common one, not just for me but for a lot of people from what I hear. I always know something was a hyperfocus and not a thing I really wanted to do in general because after 3 days - 2 weeks of the thing I won’t touch it again for months or years. My last manic fit involved playing a sim city phone game for 6-7 hours a day and binge watching multiple people’s entire hermitcraft 4 season. The one before that had me playing rollercoaster tycoon constantly.

sex drive - suddenly characters and celebrities I had not previously regarded as hot are hot. Suddenly I have 15 AO3 tabs open. I feel like people who know me well can notice my mania just by how often and what gets reblogged to my NSFW blog.

poor decision making - I’m far more likely to buy ice cream or alcohol or other things I don’t need to be spending my money on. I’m far more likely to give in to the whole not sleeping thing, or to take sleeping meds despite cutting it way too close to when I have to be up the next day. I lose my verbal filter. I still don’t know if the fact I don’t do anything life-ruiningly stupid is evidence I’m only hypomanic, not manic, or just my anxiety keeping me in check.

Intense emotions - I cried at a University of Phoenix ad yesterday y’all. I also in general am not one to cheer or yell at something happening on TV/in a video, but get more invested when manic and react on a level closer to when I’m actively playing a game or something.

But there’s also the frustrating side (not that the above isn’t often frustrating, just that the above are more associated with positive emotions or at least not a pervasive Stressed Out feeling)

Easily frustrated - I am not one to get mad, normally. I actually get criticized for just letting things slide that obviously upset me/”you keep saying it’s okay right after saying it’s not okay”. I don’t know how to handle getting mad due to gaslighting issues growing up that I won’t get into right now so when I do start getting mad, it tends to build up until I find myself tense and literally stomping mad and sitting in the car screaming in frustration (because if I scream in the house someone might hear me). I also snap at people far, far more often when manic, losing any patience I would typically have and sometimes going for passive aggressive gouges if what they’re annoying me with has built up over a couple days as opposed to instantly. For example, yelling at people who are in my raid group.

nightmares - dear god the nightmares. I will do things in them that I find barely or completely unquestionable in them, then wake up freaked the fuck out because I just - well, we’ll go with today’s example, which is that I fuckin shot my dog in my dream, and for no apparent reason! Death is a pervasive thing in these, including me getting jolted awake by my own death in them, but unstoppable torrents of water are also common as is things just not making any sense - an object I’m holding turning into something else the moment I try to give it to someone else is also something that happens a lot

tense - dear god do my shoulders and back hurt, and not my normal everyday chronic arthritis pain, because that’s in the joints. This is every muscle pulled as tight as it will go and locked, and often carries a sensation of “the only way to fix this is to literally claw them off the bones”. Upper back is the most common but my forearms come next (especially near my elbows) and every major muscle can feel that way if I’m far enough gone. This used to lead to self-harm in the form of me scraping at those areas trying to make the sensation stop (and has lead to weird masochism stuff), but it’s something I consciously avoid now. I’ll usually try to rub at them or stretch to relieve the tightness, but often sleeping it off is my only real recourse.

really, really, REALLY unable to focus - I can’t get through two minutes of a video without pausing it. I skip every song 4 seconds in and instead of just feeling like they don’t fit quite right, each song feels like it’s personally offending me by not being the right one and I eventually give up and take off my headphones in a huff. I’ll forget I was loading the dishwasher halfway through. I’ll keep doing one more little task and one more little task for hours to procrastinate simple things like eating or walking the dog. I always in general have trouble finishing my sentences sometimes, because I’ll lose words or I’ll wind up reading/hearing something mid-sentence, but it becomes every third sentence.

Itchy - everything feels wrong. My hair has to be pinned up as thoroughly as possible so it can’t touch my skin, my glasses have to be perfectly clean because the smudges will piss me off, my clothes have to be just right so they don’t touch my skin in ways that will make me jump/itch like if my hair touches me, any rough edge of my nails or cuticles has to immediately be chewed off, if there’s a weird hair or a zit or a scab anywhere on me I will be picking at it instantly, whatever I’m sitting or laying on is too lumpy, etc. My scalp itches regardless of when I last washed my hair, but washing my hair sounds dreadful because the sensation of wet hair weighing me down is even worse (vs it normally being a soothing sensation to me). My ears itch!! it’s maddening and distracting.

noise and light sensetivity - everything is too bright and too loud! I’ll have as many lights off as possible (sitting in the dark, showering in the dark, screens all as dim as they will go; I’ll often close my eyes or blindfold myself if I really need to concentrate on something I’m typing or listening to). I try to get white noise because background sounds like the dog walking around will drive me batty, but white noise will give the same “wrong one” sensation as music, and if I notice ANY repetition in the white noise (obvious bird loops for example) unless I have deliberately chosen a repetitive melody because it feels right, I will snap and have to turn it off and probably just cover my ears for a while.

The sensation that shit would suck less if I was drunk right now, because that would either “at least give me something to do” or “make all of this funny instead of annoying” (but alcohol only intensifies what I’m feeling, so if I’m “good” manic it makes me super happy and if I’m frustrated manic I just get angrier)

just an overall sense that everything is wrong and there’s nothing I can do about it and unlike when I’m depressed, wherein I feel like it’s all my fault and I probably deserve to die because of it, it all just pisses me off more and makes me need to get up and wander around. in the less extreme of these moments, I end up trying to figure out lists of what needs to be done, but getting frustrated trying to think that hard. In the worse ones, things will be blown out of scale and I’ll be plagued not just by the problems in my own life but by how fucking frustrating it is not to be able to fix, oh, our broken government, or how frustrating it is that I don’t have the money to just buy us a house right this second, etc.

hallucinations - this is top floor mania for me. The only thing above it is the roof that I will sometimes lay on at 2 in the morning, limbs spread as wide as possible for minimal skin contact, laughing uncontrollably on the inside while feeling paralyzed. My hallucinations are “mild” ones - I’ve only had one or two visual flashes in my life, everything else has been sounds, and it’s rarely been even words, let alone more. it’s usually alarms and sometimes music. I’ll hear my boyfriend’s alarm going off, or the fire alarm going off, or my own alarm going off, or my family’s burglar alarm going off, etc. This is one that meds have been royally good at keeping under control and I’ve only had breakthroughs of it when I’m also sleep deprived.

-basically, mania is fUCKING FRUSTRATING AS ALL GET OUT because you have all this energy but nothing FEELS RIGHT so nothing gets DONE, 99.94% of the time.

The additional problem for me with breakthrough mania - that is, symptoms that happen despite my medication keeping me mostly “normal” - is that it rarely brings any of the positive aspects that make being manic at least fun in the moment, if not sometimes genuinely worth it. I can get a LOT done when manic if I can take advantage of it before the bad symptoms set in, and I suspect a lot of my current writer’s block issues are because I’m not getting the same kind of hyperfocus days that I used to. But boy do I still itch sometimes, boy are my shoulders craving for me to go rub on a tree like a bear, boy is my stomach cranky because I’m so hungry but eating food sounds like a horrifying chore because what if it doesn’t taste right, etc.

I don’t really know how to explain exactly what I mean by the emotions feeling stunted, but it’s sort of like trying your hardest to find the can opener because you know it’s got to be somewhere, but it’s not anywhere you’re looking, except the can opener is your ability to be excited about this thing you wanted to do, or is your ability to be mad about something you know for a fact you’re pissed about, but you get stuck sitting there just dully frustrated instead because you can only read the label of the can, not actually experience the contents? Or maybe like opening it and finding store brand, “no sugar added” peaches instead of the really good del monte overly sweet stuff; your emotions themselves just feel lackluster compared to what you know they can be.

If a lot of this sounds familiar - if you’re like, yeah I get really annoyed easily and get sensory issues etc but I thought I didn’t get mania because I’ve never been pulled over in vegas going 110 in a 45 and all the media presents of mania is that and crazy chicks putting themselves $12,000 in debt overnight and waking up with no recollection of it - then you probably have hypomanic bipolar. If little bits sound familiar but they always are accompanied by existential dread and/or the pervasive sense you’ve gotta keep moving Or Else, it could be some sort of anxiety disorder. Parts of this list also overlap with autism, or with ADHD, or with BPD, just depending on which symptoms you have.

By my understanding, the one cornerstone of any form of mania is that you feel like you have more energy than normal; not more energy than depressed you, but an actual excess. That energy can fade fast/turn out to be just a sensation and not actual energy, but the sensation is still there, and usually fucks with your sleep.

Hopefully that helped. If it didn’t, or if it did but there’s something else you want to know, feel free to shoot me another anon or a message. I might be slow to respond because my sleep schedule is currently fucked to three more hells than normal, but I will definitely do what I can to help.

#bipolar disorder #mania #bipolar #mental health #lyra's gone full on spazzbucket #tw self harm #tw hallucinations

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