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yespleasetommyshelby · 2 months

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I need you now - Modern!Tommy Shelby Imagine

Part 3 of Before he cheats - Based off of I Need You Now by Lady Antebellum

Requested - kinda - @jadesjam sent this as an idea for part 2 but I flipped and made it the third and final part of before he cheats! It hasn't been proofread so beware!

Enjoy! 🥰

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"No." I sighed for the upteenth time.

"Oh come on y/n, it's been weeks since all that shit with Tommy, it's about time you come and find yourself a rebound!" My longest friend Leah practically begged down the phone, her birthday was coming up and she'd been trying for the last hour to get me to go out for her pre-birthday bash.

"Le, you know I love you but I'm really not in the mood tonight, we'll do something in a couple days, okay?" I sighed, trying to find some middle ground so the conversation could end.

"Okay fine, but I'll hold you to that! Love you girl!" She cheered happily through the phone, my answer enough to stop the pestering, for now.

"Have fun babe, love you too!" I smiled before hanging up, the smile dropping from my face as soon as the beep sounds. "Guess it's just you and me." I whispered as I looked down at the shoebox in my lap.

Checking the time I couldn't help but laugh slightly at how the time had managed to get away from me, with the clock reading 1:04am I couldn't help but laugh slightly as I looked over the piles of photographs that were covering the floor. "Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor, reaching for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore." I sighed, picking one up and focusing on the smiling faces beaming back at me, it was from my 21st birthday around ten minutes after Tommy had officially asked me to be his. We were so happy, everyone was so happy that night, laughing and singing being the only thing to be heard throughout Small Heath that night as everybody celebrated their king finding his queen.

Putting the picture down I reached up to wipe the line tear that has slid down my cheek, sniffing quietly before I picked up another, this one of me and all of the Shelby siblings, Ada and John on one side with Tommy and Arthur the other, even at 16 years old and apparently seeing Greta, Tommy still has his arm round my shoulders, my head resting on his arm. Throwing the picture to the side I huffed as I rubbed my hands over my face, the thought of Greta leading me down a rabbit hole.

"I wonder if I ever cross your mind, for me it happens all the time." I spoke to myself, "Probably not, you've probably had a whole queue of women waiting for this to happen." My voice cracked as I said what I'd been thinking out loud for the first time. "Maybe I should just send a quick text..." I whispered, picking up my phone, opening Tommys contact I paused before starting to type.

It's 1am, I'm all alone and I need you now, I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.

Shaking my head I quickly deleted the message and locked my phone, throwing it onto the floor besides me. "Don't give him the satisfaction." I reminded myself with a sigh.

The loud shrill of phone made me shriek, my hand flying to my chest to try and soothe my racing heart. "Motherfuck." I breathed out, reaching over and seeing it's Leah calling.

"Hey Le, what's up?" I asked worried, knowing that she never called when she was out, unless there was a problem.

"Baaaaabe! You'll never guess where we are!" Her cheery voice burst through the phone making me wince slightly. "The garrison!" She squealed without waiting for an answer.

"That's great Leah, but I'm still not coming out tonight." I sighed, not understanding where she was going with this.

"Yeah, yeah, -- all depressed, I know, but I also know that lover -- is just as bad as -- are, if -- worse." She laughed through the phone, the music and voices in the background muffling half of her sentence.

"I can't hear you properly Le." I smiled slightly, her giggles infectious. "Le?" The beep of the phone indicated that she'd hung up. "What the hell was that about?" I muttered, my question answered two seconds later as my phone buzzed again.

I said that lover boy is even worse than you!

A message from Leah with an image of Tommy attached, say at the corner of the bar in the Garrison alone, his head in his hand as his other holds onto a glass of whisky - probably. Just from the zoomed out picture I could see his hair had been left to grow out and his shirt had been left untucked, something that had never happened before, in public anyway.

"Oh baby." I couldn't help but sigh, my heart breaking all over again at the picture.

---

Keeping my eyes down I swigged the last dribble of amber liquid from the glass raising it high before rapping it in the bar a couple times, a sign for the bartender to refill. Feeling the glass being moved from my fingertips I looked up, giving the bartender a nod of thanks as he slid the bow full glass back to me.

Another shot of whisky, can't stop staring at the door, wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before. Rubbing my hand over my face I clenched my eyes as I thought of her, the reason I'd been sat here for the past few weeks doing nothing but drinking whisky after whisky and chain smoking till my chest hurt. Looking over at her door I couldn't help but think back to y/n's 21st birthday, the day we became official, she had come barreling into the garrison with her windswept hair and rosy cheeks absolutely fuming because she thought that everyone had forgot her birthday before the shout of surprise had her forgetting she was ever mad. Shaking my head I couldn't help but wonder if I ever cross her mind, for me it happens all the time, every little thing reminding me of her.

"Fuck sake." I growled to myself, pulling out my phone to check the time. "Quarter past fucking one and I'm sat drinking by myself, again, Thomas Shelby the king of fucking Small Heath aye." I chuckled ironically. Not like I hadn't had plenty of offers during my evenings rotting away at my own bar, but none of them were her, none of them were my y/n.

My heart started to race slightly as I noticed the missed call notification only to drop again as Arthur's name came into view. She said she didn't want to hear from me but surely one text won't hurt, right?

It's 1:15 I'm a little drunk and I need you now, I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now, and I don't know how I can do without - I just need you now

I'll be at the Garrison - T x

"Fucking pathetic Tom." I shook my head before locking the phone, not realising my thumb had already hit send.

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1:17, it had taken all of 3 minutes to reach the Garrison, shoving my hands into my pocket so said as I stared up at the gold sign above the door, a door that I'd walked through so may times before but never feeling like this. I jumped slightly as my phone buzzed at the same time as a group of girls can tumbling out the door, laughing and stumbling down the road as they held onto each other for support, I couldn't help but laugh slightly before pushing open the doors.

Stepping through the doorways Leah and the girls immediately caught my eye, giving me a quick wave she grinned before pointing over to the bar my eyes immediately landing on the mop top of black hair and slumped shoulders in the corner. Sending her a quick smile I slowly made my way over to Tommy, hesitantly taking a seat on the stool next to him.

"Not interested." He muttered making me jump slightly.

"Meh, I like your brother more anyway." I shrugged, giggling slightly as his head shot up, eyes wide as he stared at me.

"Y/n.." He breathed out, reaching his hand out he placed his palm on my cheek almost as though he was checking I was really there. "Y/n, I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry." He muttered, pulling me forwards slightly and resting his forehead against mine.

"Tommy I-" I took a breath, struggling to think clearly being this close to him after so much time, the longest we'd been apart since we'd met some ten years ago now. "I'm sorry too, I should've let you explain, should've listened to you." My voice wobbled slightly, pulling away I used my sleeve to wipe away the tears that had started to fall before resting my hand on his.

"I figured it would be easier to just finish things, after hearing about you and Gracie I just couldn't think of anything else... And I just lost it.. I dunno Tom. I guess I just, I guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all." I whispered, knowing that over the past few weeks that's exactly how I'd felt, nothing.

"Hey, don't you dare apologise, these past few weeks have been nothing but my fault, and I promise you y/n with everything I have and will ever have, I will spend every day of our future making it up to you. If you'll let me, just one last chance, please." He trailed off, his eyes on mine the whole time.

"One chance Tommy, that's all we have left." I whispered, my grip tightening around his wrist slightly.

"That's all I need." He smirked standing up and pulling me along with him, his arms wrapping around my waist and mine came up around his neck, playing with the longer hair at the nape of his neck. Pulling me in he placed his lips on mine, moving in sync I couldn't help but smile, the Tommy shaped hole in my heart slowly shrinking.

"I missed you so much." He mumbled after we pulled away, resting his chin on the the top of my head as he pulled me into a hug, completely ignoring the looks he was getting from the punters who had never even seen him smile before.

"I missed you too Tommy." I sighed happily, resting my head on his chest, sending a quick wink to Leah as she caught my eye, making her erupt into screams, much to the confusion of everyone else.

"So that's how you found me aye?" Tommy chuckled, the sound echoing through his chest.

"She helped yeah, but there was also the text you sent." I giggled slightly, as I head the faint 'shit' leave his lips. "It's okay Tommy, I love it when you're cheesy." I grinned, patting his chest as I looked up at him.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He chuckled as he shook his head. "I love you." He whispered, eyes locked onto mine.

"I love you too." I smiled, placing a quick peck to his lips before resting my head back against his chest. "Oh and Tom?" I muttered without looking up, only the slight hum letting me know he heard.

"I'm sorry about your car."

----

And there we have it! I know it's slightly shorter and I personally don't feel like this part is even nearly as good as the previous two, but hey, we move on!

Thank you for reading and I do hope you've enjoyed! 🥰❤️

#peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders imagines #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby imagines #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby imagines #tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby x reader #part three #before he cheats #before he cheats three

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floradinterlunium · 10 months

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The “In the Soop” Conversation...To Be or Not to Be True?!!? That is the Stupid Question

There are many lies that fly around the fandom. Lies that become so common people start to believe them or see them as true. I want to debunk some of these lies with facts! Feelings change...facts never do!

The first lie I want to tackle is that “The in the Soop Conversation between Tae and JK was staged.” Perpetrators of this lie claim it was staged for two reasons (A)Taekook said they never fought so that statement alone proves that conversation was staged and (B) There is no evidence that Tkk drifted apart so Hybe forced them to lie to cover their relationship.

Now there is a whole lot to process with those “justifications,” or “proofs” so let’s expose the lies in each point.

First, tkkers claim the “In the Soop” conversation between JK and Tae was a lie because Tae and JK said they don’t fight. As I write that claim I want to laugh but before we get to the utter nonsense of such a statement let’s look at the content of tkks actual discussion.

In this heart to heart Jungkook admitted that him and Tae were close as trainees but as they grew and started spending time alone things became awkward with Tae. Tae became became more quiet and reserved. JK also stated that they hadn’t had a heart to heart of late.

Tae reminded JK of a conversation they had as trainees where Tae asked JK to speak more casually with him because he wanted to be friends. But JK refused, his reasoning being it would have led to a lot of fights back then. Tae responded even though we would have fought more we would have also hung out more (if he had spoken casually).

The conversation basically ended with JK saying yeah but that was the decision he made then (implying you can’t change the past).

Now that we all have the gist of the conversation let’s review Tkkers first claim that “this conversation must be staged because Tae and JK don’t fight.” I ask you where in this conversation do either of them say that their relation changed because of a fight? JK said they drifted because Tae became more reserved and they became awkward. Tae said he thinks the reason they don’t jive as well is because JK didn’t speak casually with him when they were trainees which led to them not hanging out as much. Does any of that sound like they drifted apart because of a fight???!!!

Just a quick analysis of the actual conversation debunks the first claim. Tkk’s relationship didn’t drift because of a fight...it drifted because they grew apart due to personality and difference of preferences. Plain and simple. So the whole they don’t fight claim doesn’t prove that the conversation was staged! Because their relationship didn’t change due to a fight!

Secondly, Now that we’ve squared the first claim away and exposed it for it’s nonsense, let’s dissect the second claim, the “In the Soop” conversation was staged because there is no evidence that tkk drifted apart. Hybe forced them to say those things.

I remember back in 2016 commenting on the fact that Tae and JK didn’t seem that close. I had recently joined the fandom and as is tradition when you are knew you are fed the lie that Tae and Jk are the closest..I pushed back. I said in many private chats, anonymous post (I was a lurker) and youtube comments that Tae and JK actually didn’t seem close at all. But why take my word for it?

Take Tkkers own words.

For YEEEAAARS (starting in 2015 but amped up in 2016) Taekookers cried that Big Hit/Hybe were cutting out Tkk moments from BTS official content. They later rationalized that the reason for this was Big Hit was hiding tkks relationship by excluding their moments from official content.

Then when BTS Memories of [Insert year] started being released annually, Tkkers cried more. These tears weren’t just about the fact that there was minimal Tkk moments or interactions it was that there was too much Jikook content. JK and JM were always shown together...with every memories starting with 2017 their interactions increase...if JK was being filmed JM was there...if JM was being filmed JK was there. Tkkers didn’t like this and started claiming that JM was Tkk beard. That the absence of TKK footage proved Big Hit was hiding Tkk and promoting Jikook

Taekookers THEMSELVES...For years acknowledge that Tae and JK weren’t seen together often. There was hardly a moment between Tae and JK between the years of 2016-2019. This lack of footage of the two of the together hanging out was very much so acknowledged but instead of jumping to the logical conclusion “they don’t hang out much” they made up a theory that Big Hit was hiding Taekook’s relationship with Jikook.

Years later the “In the Soop” conversation gives reason for the years of no footage showing Tkk. They simply weren’t that close. However, even though Tkkers THEMSELVES acknowledged back in 2015-2019/20 there was a hardly any tkk footage, they are now claiming they never saw a difference in Tkk’s interactions they’ve always been the closest.!?! 🤔

I could cite for days the moments where Tae and JK prior to In the Soop alluded to the fact that they weren’t that close anymore. Tae in Run BTS episode 10 said JK always ignores him. In BV S2 JK says he doesn’t really have deep conversations with Tae...same season he said all love was loss a long time ago between him and Tae (he was clearly being dramatic but the sentiment was there). Muster (2016 I believe) Tae complains that JK hits him too harshly all the time. Let’s not mention their awkward lives where they barely spoke to each other. But I don’t have to really give anymore proof than that because TKKERS own past theories debunks their present one...In the Soop Conversation lines up perfectly with events...and they know it and saw it.

Taekook said they drifted apart and relationship became awkward->for years we have Tae telling us JK ignores him, JK is too harsh with him, JK saying he didn’t speak to any members other than JM and Hobi during one of their loong breaks from work--meaning not Tae. Awkward lives where they even admit it’s boring.

Taekook say they will work on their friendship--> we see them hanging out more..their on camera interactions are still awkward but you can see them working on it. We even learn they are now hanging out together more.

The In the Soop Conversation was a genuine discussion, which I’m 100% certain they fleshed out more of the raw details off camera. Their recount of events, facial expressions, JK’s awkwardness all scream honesty.

Hybe would have to be criminal masterminds and BTS the best actors ever to keep this charade going for so long while maintaining this much consistency.

Now I can’t end this post without addressing an elephant in the room...I am actually restraining myself from keeling over with laughter at this one: Tkkers really claimed that TKK never fight.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

What person on the planet can honestly think that two people who’ve known each other for 10 years have never fought!!!!! I cannot understand how people who can’t even understand basic human relationships gained so much power and popularity in this fandom!!

Yes, JK and TAe said they “never fight” after Jin accused them of arguing all the time. But to have taken that as anything other than playful banter is ridiculous! Also to find that statement more believable than them admitting to drifting apart is equally if not more ridiculous.

Friends and lovers....they all fight at one point or another. I don’t mean screaming match type fight I mean getting upset, disagreeing , arguing, needing distance etc. are all parts of 100% of human relationships. To believe that someone can know someone for longer than a year and never so much as get into an argument is beyond me! If you aren’t disagreeing or arguing with your friends or partner then I would question how close and comfortable the two of you are with each other! Like it makes zero sense that anyone would find validity in the claim that they don’t fight. Doesn’t seem like Jin believed them either...he called JK fire and Tae Ice...meaning polar opposites when in contact destroy each other. Like...I know Jin was playing but there is more truth in his words than an outrageous claim like “we never fight”

We are arguing constantly with people that possess the logic and reasoning skills of a third grader.

#jikook #kookmin #im being generous they are not smarter than third graders #jimin #jungkook #debunking fandom lies

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jyndor · 3 months

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@miraclesabound okay friend you reminded me of something funny. so I took a 6am train to get into DC by like 7:30, so I was there from the jump, and yes it was cold but I dressed appropriately so I didn't really have a hard time with it. and later on, like if anyone has ever been to a big protest you know that when you're in a massive crowd like that you do heat up because you're all close together (and marches are supposed to be close, you're not supposed to let a bunch of space build up between marchers because it's easier for cops for instance to fuck shit up if you get separated, etc) but when you're just standing around for ages your feet will not understand that you are surrounded by other people and will get super cold, which is rude of them 🤬

so anyway when I got to dc I got something quick to eat at a wawa lol and then made my way over to the rally area at around 8:30, where it was basically just organizers starting to trickle in. and yes, it was freezing.

it was also beautiful out, but very chilly and windy. around 10:30-11 or so the sky CHANGED (I cropped this photo bc PEOPLE DONT KNOW HOW TO COVER THEIR FACES)

the wind was rolling. it did clear up after a bit of a sprinkling, which I was like lmao oh god no please not this, rain makes americans want to stay inside but it passed quickly because of the wind thankfully. also I forgot which americans we're talking about - Arab americans show up for palestine no matter what, and of course the crowd was super diverse and full of all people but this is a movement that is driven by Arab americans, Muslim americans, Palestinian americans, Black americans (edit: cannot believe I forgot Jewish americans im dumb) etc. they show up no matter what.

later, in the rally which started at around 12 for six palestinian americans to speak on their families' traumas in the war and then at 1 or so the official rally began, yeah it was windy as hell and it was kind of funny, there were these massive palestinian flags all over the crowd (I experienced two of them - one in the front and later during my phone issues towards the center back - I didn't see the end of the crowd but it stretched over blocks and streets, it was massive for the united states which sadly doesn't get protests like this often) and they had handles for people to hold onto them and pass them around the crowd - kind of like all of us holding onto palestine, at least thats how I took it - but the wind was WINDING and so we were all kind of struggling to keep it from flying away

fucking wind working for genocide joe jk

anyway at protests there are organizers who have supplies and I saw some people with hand warmers, but when we got to the white house hours later i was next to a man who was blowing into his hands bc they were so cold. I had an extra scarf (i had my keffiyeh and then another scarf which is wool and very warm, my keffiyeh is a fake bitch so it is not super warm like a real hirbawi one, i used to have one of those like ten years ago but i lost it in a move i think 😭😭😭) so I lent it to him to wrap his hands.

here's me with my fake bitch keffiyeh and my new cat finn btw

cats say free palestine

but let's be real it was in the high 30s or low 40s, even with the wind it wasn't like... the worst I've experienced. here in Delaware we don't get winters like we used to but last December there was a night that dropped to 8° Fahrenheit or -13° Celsius so I've had worse. but some discomfort is nothing compared to what gaza is going through, and even if the temperatures aren't like that in gaza* it's still cold at night and going through starvation, dehydration, the trauma of war, disease etc is made even worse by dealing with cool nights in a tent.

it was cold but we were all warmer together.

*my cousin's israeli friend literally had the gall to say that it's ridiculous for people to worry about the cold nights in gaza bc it doesn't get that cold like ??? bitch??????

#i have better pictures but again i need to blur the faces #free palestine #march4gaza #miraclesabound #lol sorry i had a bit to say about this #cats #free gaza

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orangesaek · 1 year

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hi dear! how are you? :) i hope you're well & healthy!

i'm actually new to your blog and i think your fics are so cute ❤️ i was wondering if i could please request a scenario with doyoung falling in love at first sight with a fan during a fansigning event.

this idea came to mind after i watched a clip from one of his vcs with a fan. he couldn't stop smiling and telling her she's pretty, like he had heart eyes :') /jealous/

anyway, tysm in advance and happy new year!

pairings: doyoung x fan (3rd person pov)

genre: fluff

oh my god this is sooo long overdue 🥲 i hope you're still here 😭 anyway, thanks so much for this & hope this year has been kind to you so far!

a/n: I am not, in any way, affiliated with SM Entertainment. All the things I have written here are purely based on how I think video call events are being held.

also, sorry for any typo or grammatical errors 🥲 i'll try to proofread & correct any mistakes as soon as i find one!

DoJaeJung have just successfully wrapped up their media promotions for their official debut, and are now preparing for their first-ever video call event as one of NCT's newest (fixed) sub-units.

Despite already doing this many times as an NCT 127 member ever since the pandemic started, Doyoung still couldn't help but feel nervous each time because he couldn't possibly know what kind of fan he would be speaking with.

He's genuinely grateful to his fans, and he does love them with all of his heart, but all the crazy shit and cringey stuff some of them had asked him to do during the call in the past kinda left him wanting to protect the remaining dignity he has left.

"Are you guys all set? Just reminding you gentlemen that you will be doing 10 calls each today." one of the staff informed as Doyoung, Jaehyun, and Jungwoo did some last-minute fixing to their apperance. Doyoung checked his teeth on his hand mirror, while Jaehyun and Jungwoo fixed their hair.

The three men exchanged a mouthed 'fighting!' as some of the staff went over to where they were waiting, and led them to their respective areas.

"Everything's working fine, right?" Doyoung politely asked one of the staffs who was adjusting the ring light in front of him.

"Yes, Doyoung-ssi. As usual, just 2 minutes for each fan. A translator and a staff will stay here to assist you and monitor your calls as well."

Doyoung thanked the staff and took in deep breaths to calm down.

"We'll start the first call now. Remember, 2 minutes. Don't go any more than that, alright? We'll take a quick break after the 5th call, don't worry." one of the staff that was assigned to him said. Doyoung nodded before the staff finally tapped the call button for the first fan on the list, the familiar ring on speakerphone making him feel all nervous again.

However, Doyoung greeted the fan warmly as soon as he saw their face on the phone screen. Despite feeling a bit nervous, he was still happy to see and talk to them even for just a really short time.

"See you~" Doyoung bid the fan goodbye before a staff covered the front camera and ended the call. He let out a soft moan as he stretched his arms wide, exhaling in satisfaction.

Doyoung remained seated on his chair and took a sip of water as he looked down on his notes before signing the first 5 albums. Aside from trying his best to do whatever his fans ask him to do during the call, he also took notes of the interesting things his fans tell him so he could actually make their signed albums a lot more meaningful.

For example, if a fan told him that they recently got a new job, he would scribble them down on his notepad, take note of the fan's name or nickname, and then include a congratulations or a word of encouragement to that fan in their signed album after the call.

No matter how trivial they are, he always wrote them down. He believes it's one of the ways he could show his fans that he's really listening to them. They made a huge effort to talk to him anyway (not to mention, the amount of money they spent just for a 2-minute call with him), it was the least he could do to give back, he thinks.

"We'll be starting the next batch now. Please be ready."

Doyoung took another sip of water before the staff tapped on the call button again for the next fan on the list. He honestly felt a little less nervous since the first 5 calls were just (thankfully) normal conversations.

"Last one and we're done for the day! I can already hear my delicious pork belly sizzling on the grill." his manager said in excitement. Doyoung chuckled lightly. They actually planned to eat out later with the rest of the boys (and their managers) to celebrate. He was looking forward to it as well.

Doyoung waited patiently for the fan to answer the call, feeling a bit worried as the phone was ringing more than thrice already and the staff was on standby, ready to end the call. Although they would still be calling her one more time if she doesn't answer the first time, he couldn't help but feel worried that she might actually end up missing the entire event. He just couldn't imagine how devastated she might feel after.

The staff was just about to tap the end button when the fan finally picked up the call. Doyoung choked on his own spit as soon as he saw her face.

She was really pretty. Beautiful.

"Doyoung, are you okay?" the fan asked worriedly. Doyoung took a quick sip of water before letting out an apologetic smile, clearing his throat after.

"Yes, I am. I'm so sorry, that was really embarrassing." he said, scratching the back of his neck shyly. The fan laughed softly.

"Sorry, I was waiting all this time, but one of my dogs decided to act up last minute so I had to take care of her." she said. A soft smile appeared on Doyoung's face. He shook his head lightly.

"Don't worry about it. I'm just really glad to see you." he said as the smile on his face appeared bigger and bigger until he couldn't keep himself from letting out a shy but cute giggle. The fan looked quite puzzled but chuckled at his cuteness.

Doyoung pinched his cheeks in an attempt to stop himself from giggling like a kid who had just seen his crush.

"Sorry, I'm really sorry." he said, quite inaudibly as he was now covering his mouth with his hands. He took a deep breath before focusing his attention again to the fan.

"I'm sorry," he spoke again. "You're just... so pretty. You're really pretty!"

Blush crept up her cheeks and chuckled rather shyly at him. It felt nice to hear that kind of compliment, but it feels a lot nicer when you hear it straight from your bias' mouth.

"I'm serious, you're really pretty." he said again, now looking a lot more composed. Doyoung leaned his body closer to the camera and showed her his famous gummy smile. He could only hear the fan sheepishly mumble a, 'what are you saying?'

Doyoung glanced quickly at the staff who was holding a paper that says there's only less than a minute left for the call. He mentally cursed at himself for wasting a good minute of the fan's time just to end up embarrassing himself in front of her.

"So, uhm, I'm really sorry we didn't get the chance to talk much, but I promise I'll make it up to you soon!" he said. Doyoung did feel extremely apologetic, but there's nothing he could do. As much as he wanted to extend, he couldn't.

"Don't worry about it," the fan replied. "I'm going to try my luck again next time." she added.

"I'll talk to you soon, then." Doyoung smiled. The fan only hummed in response, acting as if she was going to think about it on purpose.

"Not sure..." she teased. "I mean, I might try talking to the other members—"

"Nope, nope! Don't you dare." he huffed, scrunching his face cutely in fake disapproval. Well, not entirely, since he was actually quite serious about it.

The fan laughed at his response.

"I was just kidding! No need to choose violence." she chuckled. Doyoung eyed her suspiciously before shaking his head and chuckling to himself.

"Pinky promise me, then. Hurry~" he whined cutely, holding up a pinky finger to the phone screen. Doyoung could actually see the staff signalling him to end the call now from his peripheral vision, but he blatantly ignored them anyway.

The fan smiled shyly at him before raising her own pinky finger and virtually doing a pinky promise with Doyoung.

"I've got tickets to your next show, by the way." the fan added as soon as she heard the beeping tone, which signals the end of the call.

"Then I promise I'll look for you in the crowd." Doyoung said. The staff ran over and covered the front camera.

"Bye, pretty girl!" he quickly added before the staff could press the end button.

Although he honestly felt quite disappointed that the call ended just like that, he was still really happy.

His manager walked over to his side and nudged him lightly. Doyoung had just started signing her album.

"What was that all about? I felt second-hand embarrassment because of you. Was she really that pretty?" he asked. Doyoung nodded rather enthusiastically in response.

"Yes, hyung!" he responded. "Don't get me wrong, though. I find all of our fans really pretty, and this obviously isn't the first time I've seen a pretty girl, but she's just THAT pretty."

His manager smiled softly at him before patting his back lightly.

"Well then, if you actually get to see her again, let me know. I'll try to take her backstage for you." he whispered.

Doyoung's eyes lit up at the idea but was quickly replaced by a pout.

"Yeah, I do hope I can find her soon. 2 minutes wasn't enough, seriously." he said quietly. His manager laughed lightly at him before going out to check on Jaehyun and Jungwoo.

Doyoung went back to signing her album and scribbled a cute note on one of his pages.

"They said hair will grow on your butt if you break a pinky promise, so don't look at the other guys, okay? We pinky-promised, pretty girl ;) looking forward to see you! - your Doyoungieee ♡"

- end

DOJAEJUNG WILL DEBUT ON APRIL 17! 💚 i'm so excited :') and have you guys checked Mark's Golden Hour?! 😭

58 notes · View notes

dre6ming · 2 years

Text

Living for the hope of it all

“I stayed there” series ~ part VIII

𓆩Masterlist𓆪

𓆩part VII𓆪

𓆩Part IX 𓆪

To be added to the tag list click here

Pairing: Austin Butler x fem reader

Warnings: smut 18+ <minors dni>, oral ( f receiving), fingering, cursing, strong language, body insecurities, alcohol, anxiety, angst, fluff…. Hope I got it all

Plot: how can you handle the paparazzi when you are just a regular girl? How can you let Austin fully in, when you think you aren’t worthy of him?

Word count: ~6500

Disclaimer: the article at the beginning is made up by me and I don’t believe any of what I said it there, but you get it, fiction . Also this is not proof read so please ignore any mistakes, I’m too tired to check for them now.

Is he still playing Elvis?

"The ‘Elvis’ actor , Austin Butler, is quick to jump from one girl to the next, similar to the king of rock and roll, the 30 year old actor seems to go through lovers so fast that the lines between each relationship blend.

Just the other day, Butler, was photographed in L.A. sharing steamy kisses with a mysterious girl. The two of them had a brief make out session in the stars car and then drove away together. These pictures come out at a time when the actor is still believed to be in a relationship with 20 years old, model Kaia Gerber.

Could Austin have gone too far in his role as Elvis? As we know Presley was a womanizer back in the day and was accused of many infidelities.

No official response has yet to come from Austin or Kaia and the mystery girl remains unidentified, but with how crazy the fans are over the whole ordeal we are sure that won't stay like this for long"

I feel the phone slipping from my hand, but the intercom in the airport announcing the flights, wakes me up and I clench my fingers around the device. This can't me real, but it sure as fuck is. Pictures of me and Austin kissing in his car, right before we drove out. My face is pretty much covered by my hair and Austin's hands, but as the article said, fans usually figure these things out, quite fast. My heart feels like it weights about 300 pounds in my chest. If my mom sees this, I'm done for. If they find out who I am, I'll have this all over me, paparazzi, crazy fans upset I took their chance. My whole career could be ruined. And what if the article speaks the truth, what if he lied? About him and Kaia? Oh god I'm so stupid. Fuck me!

I want to smash the phone on the pavement, jump on it and light it on fire. This article just destroyed everything and it reminded me I'm not enough. If I were a celebrity like him, this would've been water under the bridge, but I'm a commoner, I'm a nobody. I have to keep calm for today, this is Emma's and Betty's day, I have to be ok for them. I can fall apart after they leave for their trip to Bahli, tomorrow. I close the article and wonder if he's seen. Probably not yet, since it's 6am and he's probably sleeping.

Putting my phone on 'do not disturb' I put it at the bottom of my bag and scan the airport for Emma's black hair. Sure enough she's found me before I did her. Walking towards me with a huge smile, I try to fake my bast one for her, ignoring the sting in my eyes. "Emma, it's so good to see you!" I say hugging her tight. "I missed you to flower" as we pull apart and help her with the bags, I laugh at the nickname she gave me years ago. "So when is it going to happen, I can't wait" she squeals, clapping her hands. I stop in my tracks, face shocked. "What- what do you mean?" I ask.

Emma giggles shaking her head. "Come on, flower, you know Betty, she can't keep a secret if her life depended on it. She texted me a picture of the ring a moth ago, she thinks she grabbed my phone and deleted it before I saw, but the message popped up on my computer as well." Letting out a shaky laugh, putting a hand over my heart, I keep on walking towards the car. "I should have known" we laugh as we load her bags in my car. "Yeah, she tried really hard, so don't tell her I know" Emma begs, buckling herself in the passenger seat. "I won't" and as realization hits me, I look at her smiling. "Does this mean, you'll say yes?" Tears of joy gather in my eyes as she nods her head, whipping away some tears as well. We hug tightly and cry together. At some point I don't know it I'm crying happy tears for them or bitter tears for me, but when we bring ourselves back together, I feel so much lighter.

Turning on the car and backing out of the parking lot, I turn the radio on. "So we kinda have to stay away from Betty and the apartment for the whole day" my fingers drum against the steering wheel with the beat of the music. "And our first thing in the list is breakfast." Emma giggles in her seat. "Can I pick where we eat?" She asks and I nod approvingly. "Anywhere that has mimosas, I was told to bring you in slightly buzzed." Throwing her head back laughing, she puts the directions in my gps.

The place she chose is sweet and small, it has those L.A. vibes of nature, fairytale cafe. We order and enjoy a good breakfast, over some juicy gossip about some of her colleagues as well as some of mine. She tells me about the job at the D.A.'s office, Emma is excited to finally score a secure job since finishing law school over a year ago. I tell her about my new cat and she begs me to take her over to the apartment real quick so she can meet the fur ball. I of course decline and tell her she and Betty will have the place all to themselves tonight and she can enjoy meeting Boots later.

After breakfast we drive to the mall, she insists on buying new outfits for the both of us. "We need to look fabulous in my engagement photos, no way are we going to wear something old." Her wish is my command today, so I bite my tongue accepting my fate. If you know Emma, you know, fashion is her favorite thing in the world, so it takes us no less then 4 hours to find something to wear. A blush pink short dress for me, with a decent amount of cleavage showing, but still modest and a champagne gold sequence strappy dress for her. Both are beautiful and suit us perfectly, they are elegant, yet not to over the top, but still not sure if they worth 4 hours of dressing and undressing.

For lunch we decide to eat at the mall and share a pizza. "So what about you, do you have a thing?" Emma asks and I lift a single brow at her. "I don't" as soon as the words leave my mouth, they stab me in the gut. Just a few hours ago me and Austin advanced to the status of boyfriend and girlfriend, but now that I wonder if I'm just a side kick, a curiosity, I can't think of us like that. "Why does it sound like there's more to that?" I try to hide my discomfort with a giggle, drinking some water. "Because you're a lawyer and you are used to reading into everything?" I try to reason with her, but I know she said that, because I'm an open book when it comes to feelings. "Plus today is about you!" I say hoping that she would drop it. Closing her eyes and putting her arms up in defense she gives up on the topic.

We decide best way to kill some more hours is to just go and watch a movie. I have to clench my fists and bite back my fight as she suggests that we go watch Elvis, since the movie is still in cinema and she hasn't seen it. Emma doesn't know about Austin, I mean she knows about Austin my ex, that broke my heart, but she doesn't know it's the same Austin, that's stareing me down form the Elvis movie poster. He's barely recognizable, jet black hair and sideburns, chin up, looking confidently at the camera. Sometimes I really wish that I could hate him, Ive tried but that's just something I couldn't do, my heart knows what the truth is.

Shaking my head I look away from the poster as Emma comes up with the tickets in hand, giggling like a little kid. "Ok child, let's go, I'll buy you a lollipop" I say patting her back. After the lollipop is bought, we walk inside the cinema and take our spots. Anxiety I bubbling in the pit of my stomach, as the intro starts, knowing I'll be watching two and a half hours of Austin dressed as Elvis.

When the movie ends I find myself once again crying, because I know that the Austin who made this masterpiece is not the fit for me, he needs more, he always needed more. It hurts that I let him back in my life, it hurts that I wanted him back and I can't have him. I try to collect myself and walk out of the cinema, listening to Emma babbling about the movie and how much she loved it. I'm walking and I'm talking, but it feels like I'm not there. I've only felt like this once in my life, after...well by now we all know, after what.

Me and Emma quickly change outfits in the mall's bathroom and she does a little makeup number on both of us. She takes a couple of mirror selfies and we are on our way. The drive to the dinner where the engagement will take place, is filled with laughter and singing. When we get there we are both in hysterics, laughing so hard you can probably hear us for miles away. "Come on lets turn you into a mrs" I say and grab Emma by the hand, walking her in.

After a beautiful speech and some more crying, everyone is enjoying some champagne, before the cake. Betty approaches me, her smile is huge and contagious. "So I don't want to rain on your parade, but as I was getting the apartment ready for my night with Emma, thanks by the way for letting us use it." I wave her off. "Just wash the sheets after" she laughs blushing, getting a bit lost in thought, probably about their unholy activities that are to come. "Sure, sure, but as I was saying, I was busy getting the apartment ready, when a certain blonde dude knocked on the door. He looked like he had been crying and to be honest I think he was still in his pajamas. Anyway he asked for you, said you aren't answering any of his texts or calls." My hand start to sweat and I have to grab the champagne glass a little harder for it not to slip out of my grasp. "Ok, and what did you say?" I ask clearing my throat, hoping to rid of the lump there, but it doesn't work. "I told him, you were out busy the whole day. He then asked when he could come back to talk to you and I said you're spending the night over at your parents. He didn't say anything more and than left thanking me." I nod, brushing some hair behind my ear. "Ok" Betty looks concerned at me. "What happened? I was asleep last night when you came back, but you seemed happy this morning." I shake my head, tonight , is her night, not mine, we can drop me for now. She gets that without having me say it and drops the subject for now.

Hugging her and Emma I say my congratulations and walk out to my car. I'm tired as it is and I have a two hour drive ahead of me, from the dinner to my parents house. I try not to think about anything else other than driving safe. When I get home, using my spare key I get in. All the lights are out, which means that my parents are sleeping, so as quietly as I can, I make my way to my bedroom. Taking a quick shower kinda helps me, but still there's a undeniable ache in me. Coming back to my room dressed in a towel I open the balcony door to let some fresh air in and then quickly changing into my pajamas.

Slipping into bed and turning off the bedside lamp, I try to sleep, but I can't. As preoccupied as I am with my own thoughts, the sound of footsteps outside my window, makes the hairs stand up on my arms. Leaving o the ground floor it's easy to climb in and out of my bedroom, over the balcony. Grabbing whatever I find on my nightstand to use as a weapon, I make my way out in the balcony. I almost let out a scream, before the figure climbing the balcony, lunched forward and covers my mouth with their hand. I try to hit the person with what I took from my nightstand, but they are faster and catch my arm, before I can even touch them. A chuckle escapes the person and I recognize it immediately, but my body is still on alert mode. "Oh fuck, no, (y/n), it's me, it's Austin, don't cry! I'm sorry."

Slowly the hand holding my arm, from hitting him, comes down to my waist and the hand covering my mouth, cups my cheek. I let out a shaky breath and try to relax a bit in his arms. "Shh, all this time and you still haven't gotten any better at self defense, baby!" He chuckles and I look at my hand to see that I'm holding a hairbrush, not a very effective weapon. I get out of his arms, suddenly annoyed at his presence. Walking back in my room I sit on the bed and put the hairbrush down. "Can we talk?" He asks whispering. "You need to go, if my mom-"

"No, we need to talk, you've been dodging my calls and text, I know you must of read that piece of shit" he says brushing his hands through his hair. "Was it?" I ask and he looks confused. "Was it what?" Austin asks, I like that he's keeping the distance between us, it's easier to think if I don't have his arms around me. "A piece of shit? Because I don't know-"

"Know what?" He interrupts me, his voice raising a bit. "Keep your voice down!" I scold him. "I can't have that Austin, I'm a regular person, I will work a regular job, where I'll have to help people. I can't have paparazzi chasing me and fans trying to tag me down." I say and I can see that every word hurts him, but I don't know if it's because he knows I'm right or because he disagrees. "I know, I should've been more careful, I'm sorry." He tries to come closer but I don't let him, putting a hand up to stop him. He falls to his knees a few steps in front of me. "It's not your fault, I'm just not what you need. Maybe you can fix this, you know, call the model back, try and make it work with her, she'd be-" he grabs my small hands in his, clutching them to his chest, blue eyes pleading with me in the dark. "No, don't, please, she's not you. I beg you (y/n), don't do this to me, not over a gossip page headline." I close my eyes. I can't look at him like this, it hurts too much.

"You were right to break up with me, I would've only hold you back-" my voice breaks as a sob makes it's way through my mouth. "Not true, if you were there, I wouldn't have spend the past 7 months since I've been done with the movie, in therapy, constantly trying to reach back to who I was. When I'm with you I'm the best version of myself." I try to take my hands out of his, but he's so much stronger and he pulls me off the bed onto his lap. Wiggling around to get away from him, I give up when his strength overwhelms me. "Austin I can't love you again, I'm afraid I'm not enough!" I say trying to keep quiet. My mom walking in on this is the last thing I need right now. "You are so much more than enough, it's my fault for not making it clear enough, but I don't want a girl who knows how to deal with the media, I want my girl, my girl who always makes me laugh. My girl who always teaches me new things. My girl who can't cook to save her life, but is the biggest culinary critic I've ever met. My girl who can talk you into loving the same things as her, because she has such a way of making everything sound 10 times better than it is. My girl who can recite the whole Taylor Swift discography in one breath. My girl who's touch I crave all the time, who's lips taste like oranges and who's hair smells like propolis and burnt pear. All I've ever wanted is my girl and that girl is you!"

I look into his eyes, his face is tilted up and tears are slowly rolling down each side. My mouth opens and closes, I can't speak, I think I've lost that ability. No one's ever spoken like that about my. I bring my head down and kiss his tears away, taking care of each cheek, making sure they're equally loved. Then I make my way to his lips. I hover there a moment, keeping our lips close, but not close enough to touch. Austin is frozen in place, his hands holding mine close to his chest, eyes closed and lips slightly open. I touch my lips to his, both of us sighing into the kiss. Neither of us moves and we just stay like that, lips touching moving over one another. It's slow, full of emotions, my heart is pounding in my ears, my stomach hurts and all of my muscles feel petrified. But then his hands let go of mine and hug my back, bringing my chest flush with his. I tangle my fingers in the soft locks of hair on his head. The kiss becomes fluid, hands are everywhere, touching everything, pulling at clothes and giving goosebumps everywhere they touch skin.

I put my arms around his neck and hug him tightly, hiding my face in his neck. Austin's breath is coming in short gasps as he holds onto me. "I want you!" I say breathless. I wait for him to respond, but he doesn't. Struggling, I concentrate on his still shallow breath to keep me sane. "Are you sure?" Austin speaks so low I have to make an effort to hear. "Yes!" I'm sure, I need him. I want him. I'm done of holding back, I'm done questioning everything. "I believe you Austin and as much as I try to fight it, I know that I can't ever leave you." His lips crash against mine, kissing me hungrily and there was raw emotion in the way his fingers curled around my waist, pulling me closer if that was possible. Heat rose up to my chest and all my senses unfurled as the taste of him nearly silenced all my thoughts. Nearly, because the sudden thought that we're still in my childhood bedroom with my mom sleeping down the hall, washes over me like cold water.

"Wait!" I push against his chest and he looks at me panting, pupils blown with lust and lisp red from all the kissing. "What's wrong?!" Austin is panicked, scared of what made me stop. I smile viciously and I see him relaxing a bit. "My mom is sleeping down the hall, we can't, not here at least" there's a glimmer in his eyes as the last few words leave my lips. He chuckles and pushes some of his hair back. "Wanna run away?" I laugh and cover my mouth to make sure I keep quiet. But as I look at him I see that his serious, not an ounce of joke on his features. "You're serious?" I ask and the breath gets caught in my chest when he grinds me over his hips. "Serious as I'll ever be. If this is what you want?" One of his hands stroked my hair as he starts to kiss my skin, leaving a warm feeling everywhere his lips touched. I tremor at his actions and I move my hips against his, moaning before I can stop myself. "Yes, please!" I say out of breath, like I just ran a marathon. I feel him smile against my skin and when he giggles his hot breath fans over my exposed skin. "Ok, come one!"

Austin gets up and pulls me with him. He starts walking to the balcony and I follow him, but then I remember I need my things. "Wait, I need my things." I say as I move frantically around the room, trying to rid it of any evidence that I was here. With my arms full, I drop half of what I'm carrying in his arms. "Ok, you ready?" He asks smirking at me. Nodding, I wait for him to jump over and then he helps me do the same. As stealthy as possible we sneak to his car, but before I get in, I remembered my own car. "I need to drive my own car, they can't know I was here!" I whispered. His brows draw together in confusion. "Didn't they see you when you came?" I shake my head. "They were asleep, I only got here like an hour ago." I explain and he just nods. "Ok, just drive close behind me, all right?" I nod and go to my car, getting in with shaky limbs. I take a minute to breathe and then I hear Austin's car start, so I do the same with mine to make sure I can keep up, even though I know where he lives, right now I need to be as close to him as possible. I can't believe this is really happening, but there's no one else I could've seen myself doing this with.

Thankfully he doesn't live too far away from my parents house and it's just a 15 minute drive. I can't park my car faster and I almost scream at my stupid seatbelt, for not unbuckling fast enough. I get out of the car at the same time as him and I walk up to him, making an effort to stop myself from running to him. Austin's hands catch my face and I hug his waist. It's a mess of lips meeting teeth and tongue. My knees go weak and my skin feels like it's on fire, despite the chilly air outside. His hands travel down my body and reach the back of my thighs. "Jump!" He takes his lips away from mine for long enough to say that and then his back, calming my mouth again hungry and intense. I do as told and jump up , wrapping my leg around his waist. I'm so caught up in the feeling of his arms wrapped around my frame, that I don't feel is move until my back meets a wall and the cold seeps through my thin tank top making me shiver. "Fuck, I have to unlock the door" I laugh at how angry it makes him, that he as to stop what we're doing to do something as simple as unlocking the door.

I start to get off of him, but his hands hold my legs in place and he shakes his head. "Stay!" He says. I feel one of his hands move to the front of his pants. Austin grunts in frustration when the key doesn't seem to want to fit in the hole. "Fucking shit!" He curses under his breath and I giggle at him. Putting my hand over his shaking one, I help him put the key in the hole and in a second the door is unlocked and slammed open. "What would I do without you?" He asks smiling up at me. "Fuck on the front porch?" I say shrugging my shoulders. "Someday, sure, you just wait!" I'd laugh if he didn't look so serious right about now. I feel his chest shake with laughter as he wraps his arms around my waist to hold me close as he walks inside, closing the door behind him. "I wouldn't laugh if I were you Butler, I might take you out on that" I whispered in his ear and his whole body gets tense. "Such a tease, who would've thought." He says clicking his tongue. I giggle pressing my lips to the shell of his ear.

When we get to his bedroom he slowly crawls on the bed, with me tightly wrapped around him. Then my back hits the fluffy bed and it all feels so real. He must of felt that I was worrying, because he turns my face to look at him. "We go as far as you want, ok? You have the lead here, baby. I'm all yours!" He says kissing the top of my nose, making my heart skip a beat. I nod and bring him in for a kiss, his body resting over mine, bringing in a new kind of warmth. I feel safe and hungry, but not hungry for food, hungry for his touch, for him to melt into me. Before I become aware of my fingers, they had already slipped under his shirt, feeling his skin, soft and radiating heat.

I gasp at the feeling of his hips slowing moving against mine. "Ah, Austin, please!" I say moving his shirt up so I can finally bare his chest. His lips trail kisses from the corner of my mouth, over my jaw, down my neck, stopping there a little longer to suck and lick, making me move under him, trying to get my hips to meet his. I can feel him through his sweatpants and when his crotch grinds over mine, is hypnotic, the feeling building in my lower belly. When his calloused hands move under my top, raising it up, my breath picks up, his mouth is busy leaving open-mouthed, soft-lipped kisses over the tender flesh of my shoulder. Before the material goes up, over my breasts his stops. "Can I?" He ask and I somehow manage to moan a breathy 'yes'.

When Austin throws the garment somewhere in the room and I'm bare in front of him, I try to cover myself, but he stops me. "You are you beautiful, please never hide from me, (y/n)." He goes back to planting wet kisses all over my shoulder and then he slowly moves down. My hands fly up to his hair, as he sucks one of my nipples in his mouth. It's feels so good, I throw my head back and moan, pulling on his hair. He growls against me and I feel the vibrations rummage in my chest. One of his hands is holding my hips in place, while the other massages the breast that's not in his mouth, twisting the nipple in between the rough pads of his fingers. "Austin, baby, feels so good!" I hum, drunk on the pleasure. His mouth switches places with his hand, showing both of my breasts the same kind of love. "You make such pretty noises." He moans against my nipple and I fight his grip, to grind my hips up into him. "Please!" I'm begging for his to do more, to touch me more. I can feel him smile and I tug his hair.

Austin leaves open-mouthed kisses all over my stomach and when he reaches my shorts, hooking two fingers in the waist band, he looks up at me. His eyes are so full of lust, there's barely any blue left. "I'm going to take these off, can I?" I nod frantically, brushing the hair out of my face. "Yes, please!" I pant. He takes them off slowly, along with my panties. Getting off of the bed, he takes off my shoes, which I still had on and then starts to undress himself. I look away, feeling my cheeks burn. "Don't look away, look at me." I look at him, but I keep my eyes fixed on his. That is of course until he moves down to take his own shoes off and discard the pants and boxers, that pooled at his feet. Wow, he's beautiful, all of him. Sure I've seen men naked before, I'm going to be a doctor, so anatomically the human body is no mystery. But I've never felt like this like I want to touch and memorize every inch of him, like I want to know the way every patch of skin feels under my lips.

He climbs on top of me, hands holding my waist, and lips hungrily engulfing mine. I can feel him hard against my belly and I move under him, causing my skin to touch his penis. He moans into the kiss. "I want to kiss you here." He says, one of his big hands cupping my pussy. I shudder at the new sensation, bucking against his hand. "Yes, please, Austin" licking his lips he moves down my body, hooking my legs over his shoulders, grabbing my thighs to keep them open. The position suddenly makes me feel nervous and shy, so I try to close my legs but he won't allow it. Feeling me move his eyes snap up at me. "You ok? Do you want me to stop?" I shake my head, trying to find the right words to say. "No, just, I'm not pretty Austin, it's just, you looking at me like this, what if, I mean, I'm not-" I can't make sense of what I'm saying but he understands. "You are the most beautiful girl, (y/n), I love every bit of you. I love you belly" he goes over to kiss my belly, grazing the skin with his teeth and making me giggle at the ticklish feeling. "I love you thighs" he says and moves to kissing over my hip all the way to my inner thighs. Making me squirm underneath his touch. Austin is kissing, biting and licking everywhere, everywhere, but where he promised. "Austin please!" I whine, buckling my hips up.

First I feel his hot breath and then I feel his soft, warm lips, kissing and sucking. Then his hot tongue licks at me. I whimper, pulling at his hair with one hand, the other one, grabbing the sheets. "So sweet, keep making those pretty noises baby, you sound heavenly." He praises me, going back to continue his ministrations on me. His tongue flicks and twirls around my clit, driving me crazy, turning me into a moaning mess. I feel one of his sleek fingers play at my hole and then he pushes it slowly. I move against him, trying to feel more. Austin catches onto my frustration and easing a second finger in, he gives me a moment to adjust to the stretch. "So tight and sweet, such a lovely pussy, all mine." I grunt as he curls his fingers up, moving them in and out of me, sucking and licking at my clit. It's all too much, it's so good and intoxicating. My hips buckle to meet his moves. The knot forming in my lower belly, feels like it's closer to snapping, I get tense, this is all new for me. "Relax baby, you're going to cum, come on, don't hold back" Austin says as the hand that was preoccupied with holding my hips in place, moves up to my boobs, pinching my nipples. That's when I feel it, the knot snapping and everything around me going blurry. I bite the back of my hand to stop myself from screaming. As I pull in his hair he moans against me as he's still playing with my clit, slowly moving his fingers to help me ride my high.

Pulling his fingers out of me, the empty feeling makes me whine, as I clench around nothing. Austin licks his fingers clean as he moves over to the nightstand to get a condom out of the drawer. Coming back over me, he sits on his knees in between my legs. "Want to help me?" He ask, and I snap my eyes, that were previously looked on his hard cock, up at his face. He's smiling at me and that somehow eases my nerves. I nod and he takes my hand by the wrist, guiding it to his length. "Just, wrap your hand around it" I do as he says and look at the muscles in his abdomen move. Guiding my hand up and down, he moans, throwing his head back and cursing. My heart flutters knowing I can make him feel like this. His hand leaves mine and I move on my own as he opens the condom. Putting the condom on his tip he speaks. "Pinch the tip of the condom and roll it down slowly, it's ok if you get it wrong, I have more." He laughs as he finishes the sentence. With all the concentration I can muster I do as he says. "Perfect!" His hand grabs my chin and tilts it up so I look at him.

Austin kisses me slowly, pushing me against the bed, caging me. One of his hands is holding him up so that he's not crushing me under his weight and the other moves between us to bring himself up to my entrance. I can fell the tip resting there and he puts his hand on my hip to stop me from thrusting into him. "Are you sure you want this? We can stop, if-" I kiss him to stop the unnecessary babbling. "I love you, I'm sure." He tenses up and brings his face up to look at me. "You what?" He ask unsure that what he heard was real. I stroke his face gently. "I love you! I don't think I've ever stopped" he blinks quickly and even I the dark I can see the tears welling up in his eyes, but then I feel the hot liquid touch my face and roll off of my skin. His lips ghost over mine, I can taste the salt in his tears and the sweetness of him. He pulls away quickly, too quick. "Say it again." He demands and I smile. "I love you" he kisses me shortly and starts pushing in. "Again” he grunts. I moan feeling him slowly stretch me, it's definitely a lot more than his fingers and it stings a lot, but somehow there's pleasure in the pain. "I love you" kiss "I love you!" Kiss.

We go like this until his all the way in and his pelvis hits mine. It's hurts a lot and I try to breathe through it. Austin kisses my face, my lips, my eyes, my nose, everything. "I love you too, you're doing so good for me, baby" I squeeze him and his hips flutter against mine. Feeling him move brings a new kind of good to the mixture. "Move please." He pulls back slowly and then pushes back in, I feel so full and my walls hug him in. "God, so warm and perfect, made for me (y/n)" he huffs as he starts a steady pace. We move in sink, hips meeting halfway way and hands grabbing all that they can. "I love you, fuck this is so good!" I moan kissing him, walking my tongue over his lips. He gasps into my mouth and our tongues start to dance, battling for dominance. The knot from earlier comes back and I feel like I need more. "Aus, I'm close, more, please, shit!" He starts to move faster, covering my mouth with his, to swallow all my cries. Austin brings one hand between us and draws circles over my clit. "Cum for me, (y/n), come on baby!" He whispers in my ear and biting down on his shoulder, my orgasm wishes over me harder then before. His hips start to lose rhythm and his moves get sloppier, as he soon stills. Austin grunts and kisses over my shoulder as I feel him twitch inside me, while my walls still flutter around him, squeezing him, from my previous orgasm.

I feel so good, so warm and tired and when he moves over, to go into the bathroom, I shiver at the absence of his body on mine. He comes back with a towel in hand and he wipes it over my thighs, making me tremble, since I'm still sensitive there. When he’s done, Austin throws the towel somewhere in the room and moving me up on the bed he brings the coves over me. He joins me under the warm duvet and I hug his side. The feeling of his skin on mine must be the best thing I've ever experienced. "I love you!" I say sleepy as he strokes my hair with one hand, his other one moving up and down my upper arm. "I love you too!" He kisses the top of my head. "So does this mean I can still take you out tomorrow?" He mumbles against my hair.

I shake my head and as serious as I can I say "No, I just wanted you for the sex." His chest moves with laughter and the sound fills me up with joy. "Flattered to be at your service, ma'm!" Austin says making me giggle and bury my face in his shoulder. "Ok I may allow, one date, if you make me your famous breakfast tomorrow" his hands move me to lay on top of him, with my legs straddling his waist. I sit my head in the palms of my hands on top of his chest and look at him smiling. "Just one date?" Austin asks coming in for a kiss, but I pull my head back so he can't reach my lips. "Maybe, if the breakfast is extremely good, there will be more, than one!" One of his hands goes to the back of my head and as we both laugh we meet halfway in a quick kiss.

I remain like this on top of him, as his hands rest on my back. I play with his hair and rest my head on his chest, over his heart, listening to the beautiful sounds it makes. Our breaths calm down and soon sleep catches both of us. And we fall asleep like this, skin on skin, my ear over his heart, my hands his hair and his lips kissing my head. It's perfect, it's how it should've always been, just us.

Tags: @kittenlittle24 @amorx @cryingabtab @lexicox044 @lrissa @feral4austinbutler @sageskywalker @jesssssicaa @rainydayz101 @flwersgarden @bobthefishiesworld @captured-memory @homebodybirkin2003 @galaxygirl453 @butlerslut @chrisevansgirl34 @myradiaz @pennyroyalcreep @macey234 @im-lame-irl @lordandmistress @the-girl-wh0-cries-w0lf @poppet05 @gabbywontlose @4shbug @0-thegoodwitch-0 @hauntedarchivesx @chewiethecatus @sunnyx07 @francesbloomer @jessaroni19 @finelineskies

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revserrayyu · 3 months

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Thoughts regarding the ending of Penacony’s 2.0 story

Starting off with a heartbreaking scene so if you haven’t encountered any sadness yet during your playthrough, time to look away because spoilers ahead:

Now then, starting off with that scene, I can’t say I was too surprised to see it happen. Not only did I catch a clip of Firefly’s unfortunate end before I personally made it to the cutscene myself, but red death flags were already sprouting up everywhere before the update even released and trailers mentioned how Penacony would be a “heartwarming and uplifting story” and that we’ll be having a “fun vacation.” Ha, lies! Knowing that this death was coming didn’t make the scene any easier to watch of course. This poor girl. I really want to hope she’s okay since this happened during a dream and no actual body was left behind, but aahh. (disappear among a sea of my own tears)

With the way Black Swan & Acheron were chatting afterwards along with Trailblazer’s completely heartbroken reaction however, it makes the loss seem even more believable. Seeing Black Swan try and comfort us was something that I’d expect from her character, but from Acheron? I was pleasantly surprised. I know next to nothing about her HI3 & Genshin lookalikes or how they act, so based solely on appearances I thought Acheron was going to be the quiet and reserved type. While she does seem reasonable chill at times, learning about how poor she is with her directions and memory was fun and seeing her comfort us after this moment was really sweet of her, even to go so far as telling us it’s okay if we’re mad at her for not acting quick enough to stop the attack and how she paid tribute to Firefly in the real brief cutscene (^cover photo. also, she’s so pretty)

Seeing the selfie left behind afterwards is just another critical hit on all our hearts, especially with Robin’s song playing softly in the background once more. (we ain’t smiling anymore now are we??)

I don’t remember too many details about the hotel journey we go on afterwards aside from seeing those echos of Firefly (I forget what they were called, but it reminded me of the Cocolia & Bronya we saw on our way up to Everwinter Hill for the first time) but hearing that Firefly was speaking to someone else while wandering through the dream was suspicious, especially with the mention of “Mecha.” Speaking of which, I didn’t expect us to fight Sam so soon. He was a bit of a pain but thankfully none of my team fell. Also gotta admit his theme was good. (bro I’m already heartbroken, what more do you want from me?)

I am kinda bummed that we don’t know the outcome of the fight between Sam & Acheron. The short cutscene we got of it was pretty nice, so it was bittersweet that Black Swan saved from that. Didn’t get a moment to relax though because we encounter this shady man right after.. (darn him for being so handsome)

The difference between the Aventurine we saw letting loose during the “White Night” trailer and the conniving fruit loop we have the pleasure of chatting with in game is insane and I love it. As if I wasn’t already wary of this man, now he’s getting different colored text! First Acheron with red, now him with yellow. Sure the color choice itself doesn’t seem that threatening, especially since it’s the same whenever we see Kafka’s spirit whisper, but there’s gotta be some meaning behind the colors and I’m irked we didn’t get a clear answer for it during this part of the story, but that’s just something else to look forward to with upcoming versions. Also, what he’s hinting at, with Acheron being the cause of all this? Bro I don’t wanna believe that! I really like her! (and if he knows then why is he letting things happen like this??)

The Acheron stuff is hard for me to believe at the moment, but the news about Duke Inferno and his followers? That’s a bit easier on my mind. I’m not the biggest fan of the Ever Flame Mansion, as we don’t know too much about them and haven’t officially met them yet, but hearing that Duke actually died offscreen before we even got the chance? Wow. (oops)

Black Swan, honey, I’m not sure who to trust anymore okay? I came here for a fun time and I’ll I’m getting is creepy vibes and tears. We should really stay away from hotels. People are always trying to hurt us; first Belobog, now Penacony. But again with the colored text! If yellow means truth, does that mean Acheron’s red were all lies? Or are they trying to trick us and it’s the other way around? Or perhaps their meanings are something complete different. Regardless, the colors are giving me anxiety. I do love how something so simple as a change in color can grab our attention so effectively though. (they're both lucky they're attractive)

And the danger keeps on coming because we got not one, not two, but three deaths! This time of the lovely Robin. (what managed to hurt her like that I wonder? “Death” again?)

I think one of the worst things about this scene is that Aventurine presents us this sight so proudly, saying that there’s no way for us to deny his offer, less we want this to happen to us as well. He’s just so calm about the entire situation and makes me want to slap his pretty face. (someone warn Ratio to stay out of his bathtub)

The other horrible thing about that scene is that it ends! The game smacks us with a “To be continued” and all we’re left with are many concerns and questions! Fortunately (or unfortunately), we get another quick scene soon after with Sunday and.. Robin. Of course the ??? was a bit strange to see, considering we did meet her previously, but given what we just witnessed, it’s odd nonetheless. For a moment, I believed that maybe this was the real Robin, since her voice didn’t sound distorted and broken like it was before, or perhaps Robin was just her artist name and we don’t know her real name. (“again” huh? how common is death here?)

As it turns out, I’m just stupid and didn’t even think for it to be Sparkle impersonating the singer until Sunday mentioned the fool herself. If I ever crossed paths with her, she’d end me effortlessly. (“chicken wing boy” is a brilliant name)

With how popular Robin is, it’s gotta be tough for Sunday to walk anywhere in Penacony now without seeing her face or hearing her music. This man might go insane. (we don’t need the reminder that she’s “gone,” thank you)

At least she’s willing to help keep up Robin’s appearance so there’s not a massive panic before the festival? She sounds a bit too happy though. I can’t tell what she’s up to but she seems to enjoy all the chaos. (I do agree; his pierced wing looks great)

Sunday stays relatively calm throughout the conversation, but there are moments when you can hear how frustrated he’s becoming, along with that last laugh of his, and honestly it’s getting me kinda worried. I feel like he’s got some crazy plan to set things right, like Cocolia level crazy. (do explain how a funeral is “good news” sir)

And that’s where we truly end for now. Let the waiting game begin. In the meantime, someone let Hoyo know that they managed to break many hearts. (the song really is beautiful though)

All that’s left are the several little missions and the new Black Swan/Sparkle companion quest that I have to get through.

#honkai star rail #firefly #acheron #aventurine #robin #sunday #sparkle #gameplay #revsposts

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bsd-cherish-official · 7 months

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BSD: Cherish Second Anniversary Interview

On September 21st, the second anniversary of the fanfic, Bungou Stray Dogs: Cherish, a post was made on this account by myself, its author and first artist, @linklethehistorian, stating that in celebration of the big milestone, I would be running a poll-based interview consisting of 10 polls with five questions each — which fans of the fic could vote on and have the most popular questions in each poll to be answered at the end of the voting period.

This is the result of those polls, and my responses to the winning questions that were determined therein.

Full interview below the cut for minor Cherish spoilers. Proceed on to read.

Q: Why did you choose to have four different artstyles used throughout the fic?

A: Well, in the beginning, you know, for the first…almost a year or so, I didn’t really have a co-artist on the project with me; it was just me, myself and I that was working on Cherish alone, and I knew from the very beginning that I wanted to have artwork for — and included in — the fic, so in that first year-ish that it existed, I basically just had to make do with using my own artstyle that was based on the BSD anime.

So, you already have that going on, and I was pretty happy with that, but the truth is that from the beginning, I’d always really wanted to have at least some of the art — especially the cover art I’d sketched up years and years back — resemble the actual official art from Harukawa-sensei in the BSD manga and light novels. After about a year of procrastinating and overthinking everything about it, I finally worked up the courage to ask my friend, Asachuu, who was not only a fan of the story but also had a very lovely artstyle and was very good at recreating the look I wanted, if it would be possible for us to collab on a piece, and sent the old sketch for the cover, and from there things kind of just…took off. Pretty soon, one single collab had very happily turned into me suddenly having a dedicated co-artist who could contribute some absolutely beautiful BSD manga-reminiscent artworks for certain chapters.

Then, after the Storm Bringer Stage Play had come out, I ended up extremely inspired by a lot of the very cute and lighthearted official chibi artworks and merch that sprung up from it, and thus, by the end of last year, I ultimately wound up endeavoring to create some chibi artwork of my own for Cherish; originally, this was not intended to be any sort of long-term staple for the story, as I expected it would just be a one-and-done thing to surprise fans with during the holidays, but…as I’m sure most of you have seen, after discovering how fairly quick and easy yet still adorable the end result was, I made the choice to continue with that style of art for all of our little celebrations, events, and milestones.

Lastly, those little chibi drawings also unintentionally came to invent a brand-new style of coloration in regards to my methods, which resulted in the final type of my artwork that you see involving Cherish — a sort of lighter, softer way of coloring that results in an almost crayon-like effect. This was initially a complete accident, as it was nothing more than me using a random brush for the first colored sketch of the holiday 2022 piece, but after some experimentation with keeping it for the finished work, I found that I really liked it quite a lot and later began using it for more than just the chibi-style artworks, as it brought a certain warmth and light-heartedness to the scenes, and reminded me a tiny bit of this one still image from the first season of the BSD anime:

And so, there you have it! Although the gorgeous manga-reminiscent style of my co-artist may be the well-known face of the fic in a lot of ways given that our collaborations are reserved for and make up the bulk of many of the most intense or important scenes and chapters of the story, every artstyle that is involved with Cherish’s official art has its own special and equally important part to play therein.

Asachuu’s manga-like style lends a certain extra feeling of authenticity to Cherish as having its place among the other BSD light novels, and presents certain scenes and chapters in a uniquely stunning form, and with extra attention to detail that likely wouldn’t otherwise be possible.

The more typical BSD anime artstyle that is my usual signature, with its fuller and more official-looking coloring technique, is used to depict the rest of the darker, more somber-toned scenes that do not receive the previous treatment; this, I feel, not only properly represents the anime artstyle in some form as I had wanted to begin with, but also brings forth a sadder, more down-to-earth aspect than its lighter and fluffier, almost crayon-like colored counterpart, which is conversely used to evoke the happier, more heartwarming moments and emotions within the fic.

And, of course, the chibi artstyle allows me to make much more quick, cute, and mostly much less serious little drawings to share with my friends and fans of the story, easily celebrate special events and milestones, and express my endless gratitude toward Cherish’s continued support. 💖

Q: Who are your least and most favorite characters to write for in the fic?

A: Oh, this is kind of a tough one. I actually wouldn’t say I genuinely dislike writing for any of the characters that have appeared in Cherish thus far, but I guess if I had to pick one that I liked dealing with a little less than the rest, that would have to be Ango; it’s not that he’s a bad character by any means, and I honestly like him in BSD quite a fair bit, it’s simply that he’s the most…I guess you could say “ordinary” or “stiff”…out of the group, in terms of outward personality — at least, under the circumstances in which he was introduced and presented up until now.

“He was still pleasant to write and there was a moment or two there that was a little fun to do, he just didn’t really have the chance to truly show off the more intricate parts of his soul in that scene”, is I guess how I’d put it.

As for most favorite, that’s a bit harder to pin down. haha I like all of the main cast in different ways.

Obviously, I’m very, very fond of both Arthurs; not only do I just really love both of their personalities and find them both super interesting, but I also relate to them both in a lot of different ways, and the subjects that often get tackled with their scenes, dialogue, and thoughts are all very important matters to me that I treat with a lot of personal care, respect, and passion, so it would be very hard for me to say that those two aren’t one of the absolute main highlights of writing Cherish to begin with.

At the same time, though, also really into writing for Chuuya and Paul — especially when they’re interacting with each other, because of how perfectly their polar opposite personalities, apparent outlooks, and ways of communicating their feelings play off of each other, though definitely not exclusively there, either. I really just find them fun, well-written, and fascinating to explore in general, too.

And then of course there’s Mori. I guess if we had to talk about pure novelty and entertainment value alone when it comes to writing, then he would have to be the top pick for the most fun and smooth experience overall, since his ability to change from cheerful to chilling on a dime, like the simple flip of a light switch — or even accomplish both at the same time, without even doing anything explicitly threatening at all — is a uniquely cool concept and character trait to play with.

I don’t know, to be honest, I just think they’re all super neat in their own ways.

Q: Are there any outfits you really want to draw someone in, in a future artwork?

A: Oh God, you have no idea how many, but yes; I have a lot of planned outfits for the future that I want to draw and release some proper Cherish art for, and some that I really already have done and just haven’t been able to share with all of you because it is spoilery.

I think two outfits in particular I’d really like to draw in a full-on chapter artwork, though, are the outfit Arthur was wearing to the restaurant in Chapter 10, and then the cute little casual number Chuuya was wearing in Chapter 11. You can actually see both of those in the Valentine’s and White Day chibi artworks I’ve made for this year, but I consider those to be a little bit different from drawing it in a more properly proportioned piece…

Q: Are there any minor plotholes you’ve had to go back and fix that nobody noticed?

A: Well, technically, yes — if memory serves, at least; I mean, I believe the day that I released Chapter 10, I had left in one instance in which Mori called Paul “Verlaine-kun” right there in front of Arthur, despite that the doctor himself had been the one to insist that he use an alias, and I think I then had to go back and fix that retroactively so that he called him “Marion-kun” instead.

Granted, they were both speaking Japanese to begin with, so it’s not totally impossible that Arthur wouldn’t have picked up on what Mori was calling him, but…yeah, to be honest, I think that’s one thing that both Mori wouldn’t risk and Arthur wouldn’t so easily overlook or fail to hear.

Other than that…well, this isn’t technically a plothole or anything because it did have a reason from the start — it’s more just a case of something not having been elaborated on as much as I’d like — but there’s currently a scene in Chapter 6 where Rimbaud, in a fit of frustration and emotion, goes off to Paul about how no one back home was worth returning to or would even really miss him if he died or disappeared, and he references his past lover fairly clearly as having been a man.

The possible “problem” that I think there’s potential for someone to take away from this moment is that later on, Arthur acts deeply worried about Paul finding this fact out and being severely discriminatory or cruel to him as most people in his original time were about such things and refusing to continue being there for him or even helping him as a result — thereby possibly making it seem like I’d forgotten that Arthur had had this outburst.

That isn’t really the case, though; moreso, it was originally intended for there to be a scene at some point where Arthur would reflect back on what he had said and inwardly question why Paul had continued to be so kind to him despite knowing that he had been involved with a man, ultimately deciding that it was likely that Verlaine didn’t really pay attention or give enough thought to all of the finer details of all of what he was rambling on about back then, in the heat of the moment, too focused on calming the teen down to be bothered with picking apart every statement he’d made — as Arthur himself simply couldn’t imagine he’d have been lucky enough, on top of all the other ‘highly fortunate’ circumstances he’d landed in, to have also just so happened to find someone who would be that ‘absurdly’ willing to overlook his orientation. (It’s not like he could have imagined that Paul simply wouldn’t think anything of it at all — which was actually the case…)

Unfortunately, I forgot to put that dialogue in, so at present, it kind of just has to be inferred by the reader… I do have plans to go back at some point before the start of the next arc and add this in, in some manner, but thankfully no one so far seems to have cared that this wasn’t explicitly explained, so I’m glad of that, at least.

And if you have wondered…well, I guess you have the answer for now. Sorry it’s not explicitly in the fic at the moment, but hopefully it will be quite soon.

Q: Is there anything you’re afraid you might have been TOO subtle about?

A: Well…yes. I’m going to put up a disclaimer here and now that the response to this question could not only be potentially triggering for some people who have experienced certain types of trauma, but also is kind of NSFW, so…if either of those things might be a problem for you for any reason, you may want to skip over this question.

We alright? Have you decided whether you wanted to keep reading this or not?

Okay. Let’s get into it, then.

So…while I don’t exactly want to say there isn’t plenty of room or time or even plans to perhaps go into it more deeply later, since there definitely is and I most likely will in some manner, given that it is my first time delving into such topics, I do wonder now and again if some of the dark implications made in Chapter 7, Chapter 8, and Chapter 13 — namely, that Arthur had been through multiple cases of extreme sexual trauma, in addition to the other emotional and physical traumas he had endured throughout his life — were altogether too cryptic to have been picked up on by the average reader at present.

I did intend from the very beginning to be more subtle about the matter in these chapters and only make little references to it in passing where it was immediately relevant and/or was natural to come to mind for Arthur in light of the situation, but I frequently worry if the things that I see as having been decently clear indications towards that end actually were decently clear or not. I suppose it doesn’t matter if they were or not, since that is something that as I said is bound to be more obvious at some point in the future chapters anyway, but it is something I think about nonetheless.

I think that if you were fully familiar with and completely in the current know about the poet Arthur Rimbaud’s life as it unfolded in our world, and especially have kept up with all of the most recent findings, then you might have a slightly better chance at putting two and two together on your own, and in that case I think my words will almost certainly have served their purpose, but for anyone else, I do have some minor concerns that maybe my desire to have been more subtle about it at this stage in the story actually ended up backfiring and making it altogether impossible to assume or even question…

Anyway, that particular heavy subject aside, I often also just in general worry about whether or not I’m coming off clearly enough when it comes to any existing or possible future hints towards anything that is remotely non-traumatically sexual or relating to sexual attraction in nature as a whole, since, as an asexual person who myself doesn’t experience sexual attraction whatsoever, it is a subject matter that on some levels is fairly unnatural to my own personal human experience and sexuality; I don’t think that I’m bad at talking about it by any means, I just don’t know that I’m particularly amazing at it, either.

But yeah, those are…pretty much my only main times when being too subtle might have ever crossed my mind, I think…?

Q: What’s the message you most want people to walk away with after reading Cherish?

A: Good question.

The thing is, I wouldn’t say that I originally created Cherish with any specific message in mind at all; I mean, obviously, there were always going to be heavy themes and topics that I knew it would have to tackle, and there were things that it definitely represented to me on a personal level after it came into being, but back when I first created the headcanons themselves that would eventually become this story, considering that I had absolutely zero plans to share it with anyone at the time, I didn’t really ever consider the idea of it carrying an actual message I wanted to convey.

Even now, I don’t want to define Cherish as this thing that exists solely for the purpose of communicating a particular idea to others, because it isn’t; I’ve known from the very beginning that to some people, this tale is just going to be something they look at and enjoy on a completely surface level — as something that is exactly what it says on the tin and nothing more — and I’m fine with that.

To me, Cherish is both of these things: a story that exists simply for the sake of itself — for the love of its characters, its pairings, and its plot, taken entirely at face value — and something which on a deeper level also represents and carries a great deal of messages and concepts which happen to be very important to me, that I hope other people might see and feel touched by as well.

Given that it does represent more than one thing in my eyes, though, that makes this question a little hard to answer; provided I had the ability to ensure it somehow, I’m really not sure which message I would want everyone to walk away with the most.

I suppose, in the end, if I could only choose one thing, then the message that I would most want my readers to see would depend upon who they themselves are, and what they need to hear most.

As I’ve mentioned in one post before, I would very much like it if some victims of abuse and/or trauma might be able to feel seen and heard by the fic, and maybe even find hope or at least catharsis in reading it. I don’t want to say too much about the matter in this particular interview, as a lot of the commentary I could make beyond that could lead to spoilers for people who would rather not know certain things that will happen or the outcome of them, but I will say that there are many questions and themes in this fic that I would like to believe might strike a comforting note for some people who are going through a lot of uncertainty in their lives, in the aftermath of traumatic and/or abusive experiences.

Likewise, I would hope that for anyone who maybe knows someone who has gone through abuse or trauma but struggles with understanding it, because this story has not only been carefully researched and written about, but also by, someone who has been through certain types of abuse and experienced the lasting effects of trauma, it might be able to help them get a closer look at some of the possible ways those things can present themselves and the things that can potentially go through our heads as a result.

For someone who might be reading this with either a newly budding or already pre-existing interest in the real life Arthur Rimbaud who once lived here in our world, I would like to think that this story — albeit having some minor differences here and there that I will get to in a later question — might show a bit more nuance towards his situation compared to how many other forms of media surrounding the topic (especially, but not limited to, the English ones) tend to present it.

Having spent the many, many years that I have researching his life story in multiple languages and every possible remotely credible source I could find, digging to the bottom to find the absolute truth as best as one can, I have found that in many cases, there is sadly far too much of a focus around sensationalism when it comes to coverage of the individuals and events involved, and far too little of a focus on actually bothering to get all of the facts and the interpersonal dynamics straight in order to present the most accurate and nuanced recounting of history that can humanly be given.

While I don’t want to get too into it in this little interview, as I’ll probably be making a separate post about it sometime anyway, I will put it out there that it is largely thanks to this failure to share crucial details that for quite a while into my earliest endeavors of research, I myself was led to believe the very much false and yet sadly most widely spread, highly sensationalized narrative that either, at best, both Verlaine and Rimbaud were equally terrible people who were, likewise, equally to blame for what happened between them, or at worst, that Rimbaud was the one to blame almost entirely for Verlaine’s supposed “descent” into a crueler and less respectable person — both of which narratives, by the way, cannot exist without completely ignoring and omitting several key facts that provide much more nuance than most of these various coverages were willing to provide: such as the several extreme power dynamics involved in their relationship coming from Verlaine’s side, the extremely traumatic background that Rimbaud had come from and how that had left him a vulnerable target in numerous ways, and most notably, that Verlaine had a pre-established pattern of alcoholism, extreme abusive tendencies of practically all varieties, homicidal urges, guilt-tripping tactics, and exactly everything else for his entire adult — and to some extent even teenage — life, far prior to meeting Arthur, and also continued on that path for the rest of his life even after their parting, whereas Rimbaud by all accounts prior to their meeting was nothing more than what, by today’s standards, would be considered overall a perfectly normal, if (and understandably so, given his background) troubled, teenager, who would later also go on to be a perfectly normal if somewhat withdrawn, well-adjusted adult once their relationship was over.

My hope, then, in that vein, is to tell this story without shying away from or missing those facts, and in doing so, to hopefully present his life story from an angle that is rarely seen or covered by many of the most popular sources of information out there, allowing people to perhaps step away from the great echo chamber of omissions, sensationalism, and misinformation for a moment and view and understand Arthur from a much more real and human perspective — to see him as a real, feeling, troubled human being who once lived, breathed, loved, struggled, and suffered just like nearly anyone else, rather than some dehumanized, over-exaggerated spectacle spoken of purely to be gawked at and made into a shocking and scandalizing caricature into which only the most extreme of rumors and actions are projected, as is so often sadly the case.

So, uh…yeah, those are my main messages I’d like to get across, I guess. I’d like to return to talking about this more in the future when the fic is complete, since by then I can truly get into the topics more, but for now, there you have it.

…I think at the end of the day, though, what’s most important is that people who need it get from Cherish whatever it is they came for; if there’s a message they really need to hear right then, then I hope they hear it. Sometimes as writers, we see a certain message in our stories and we intend to have that come through, but someone finds an entirely different and equally beautiful one inside it instead — one that we didn’t even intend to be there — and it helps them. I think that’s pretty awesome.

Q: What chapter are you most/least looking forward to recording for?

A: Well, to be honest with you, despite that by the time of answering this, I’ve already finished what I think will be the final recording for it, Chapter 2 has been a massive bitch to work with from beginning to end — nothing like Chapter 1 — so…yes, that would be the one I was least looking forward to recording out of the thirteen chapters that already exist; I’m honestly relieved it’s over.

I don’t really know how to explain what the problem even was with that one; it’s not a bad chapter by any means, but the first time I recorded it — an impossibly perfect take all the way up to the last third of the fic, by the way — I sadly found out that the audio ended up somehow distorted beyond any repair or salvaging, and ever since then the lines for some reason have just refused to be spoken out loud the same way that they do when I read it in my head.

As of this moment, I still haven’t listened to that recording more than the few seconds that were necessary to make sure that it took this time, so I don’t even know whether or not I’ll end up completely unsatisfied with the result, but it was really the best that I could do, so whatever the case, I’m stuck with it the way that it is. Let’s just hope it doesn’t totally suck.

There are way too many chapters that I think will be a cool experience to record for me to narrow it down to just one right now, but the closest one that I’m really anticipating is actually Chapter 3; I’ve always been really fond of the whole exchange that happened between Paul and Chuuya there, and I think getting to narrate those lines would be really exciting, since up until now, I haven’t had a great opportunity to get into the more emotionally intense lines. I hope that when the time comes, I’m able to do them justice.

Some other chapters I’m really looking forward to recording, I think, are 6, certain parts of 7, 10, and 12.

Q: Is there anything you wish you had been able to keep in the fic, but couldn’t?

A: Well, I definitely think there are some things that would have been more intense and exciting for people who were maybe expecting a more canon-typical plot to what we’ve gotten so far, but I don’t really know that I have regrets about not being able to use them in the fic.

For example, because the very first iteration of the original headcanons that make up what would eventually become Cherish were, well, headcanons, and tied to a much longer overarching storyline with no clear-cut beginning or end, both the way that the story started and, in some aspects, how it will wrap up is somewhat different from how it was back then.

I’m not going to elaborate on that at this time, because there are some aspects of those things that I had to change which I intend to still try to potentially incorporate at a different point in the fic, and thus I don’t want to spoil any of what might happen in the future, but there were definitely things and characters that had to be cut from the final version of Cherish that I do wonder what it would have been like for my readers if I had kept it; I wouldn’t say it’s a regret, though, as I’m quite proud of the fic I have now, and I think it’s probably best as it is currently.

Other than that, I guess my only potential regrets about things I couldn’t keep would have to be some of the deleted scenes and lines delving into certain characters’ mindsets, but I talk about those in the development notes already, so I won’t delve into that here, either.

Q: Do you plan to find a way to reuse all of the scrapped content for Cherish?

A: As much as I reasonably can without impacting the story in a negative way, at least, yes; it would be utterly impossible for me to keep literally everything in the fic that was ever discarded, but within the margins of good sense, I will try to re-incorporate whatever I feel is important, insightful, cool, or interesting and works with the plot.

Almost anything worth talking about that is left over after that is likely to end up in my Cherish Development Notes, so maybe keep an eye on those if scrapped content tends to pique your fancy.

Q: Do you think Cherish would’ve been as successful if it kept its original title?

A: Honestly? In some ways, I think it probably would’ve been a lot more successful – at least, in terms of marketing.

The thing about Cherish as a title is that although it’s very fitting for the story, and I do love it a lot, it’s very definitely not even half as marketable as a name like Storm Chaser would’ve been; there’s simply no getting around that fact.

Yes, for a fic, something short, sweet, and romantic like ‘Cherish’ does just fine – it’s expected, even; searching it up as a fic title right now, in fact, there are a total of 764 results, 3 of which by the exact same title are in the BSD fandom – obviously including mine. That’s just the issue, though; sure, it’s a perfectly normal and acceptable title, but that just means that when it comes to marketing, it doesn’t help it to stand out at all from the others.

If we’re talking in terms of more conventional ideas of success and popularity, then for a fic that is meant to be a fully-fledged light novel of the same quality and effort as its official canon kin – and which has been made into such a massive project stretched out across so many forms of media – having a title that sounds like what one would usually expect to be some little oneshot drabble of the most common kind is absolutely a bad move.

Storm Chaser as a title for a fic, on the other hand, has only 29 total entries on AO3, none of which are in the BSD fandom, and it sounds like an actually plausible name for an official sequel to Storm Bringer; there is no doubt that at the very least, something like that would absolutely generate more clicks and hits out of pure curiosity alone than Cherish ever could.

That being said, though, generating more curiosity clicks doesn’t necessarily mean generating more genuine love and interest, and I’d rather have people clicking out of interest in the summary and description and tags than over something as petty as the title to begin with – not to mention that I decided a long time ago I’d rather make Cherish from the depth of my heart in every way, in accordance with what I want it to be, than to worry about its popularity levels.

Q: How historically accurate do you feel that this fic is in its representations?

A: Well, at least more accurate than a great deal of the more popular sources of information out there, when it comes to irl Rimbaud and Verlaine’s life stories and situations, unfortunately — as I said further up above.

Granted, there are going to be some small differences and creative liberties taken here and there, given that the versions of them presented in Cherish come from a slightly alternate universe to ours, but that’s mostly just to do with the fact that in this alt-world, Paul actually succeeded at making a second attempt on Arthur’s life at the train station where the teen intended to have their final parting; apart from that and the obvious connecting of dots and filling in of blanks wherever information simply didn’t fully exist about the more intimate and intricate details of their lives, great care was taken to ensure that everything was presented as realistically and accurately as possible, according to all of the intensive research I have done about them over the years.

As for the general historical representation of the time period they come from itself, I’d like to think that I’m doing well with it, as I try to do my research on every aspect the very best that I can, but aside from certain highly specific subjects, I don’t claim to be half so much of an expert of the general late Victorian era itself as much as I am an expert on them and their life stories, relationship, and circumstances specifically; if there’s a minor slip-up or two in regards to facts about the era that I somehow managed to overlook or misunderstand, I’m truly sorry about that. haha

Q: What is your favorite fan interaction you’ve had to this day?

A: I’m going to guess that my interactions with my dear co-artist don’t count here, right? In that case, it would definitely be finding out that my new pal, @dazaisshippingcontainer, is making fanart of my fic; that was such a touching moment for me — the thought that someone out there (especially someone that at the time I wasn’t close to) had been reading my fic and loving it enough to actually make fanart for it. 😭 Moments like this are moments I truly treasure beyond compare. Ily Clover, buddy. 💖

Let’s be honest, though; I love and live for every single fan interaction I’ve had to date. 🥺💖 They all mean the world to me.

And of course there’s Art — my dear, dear friend and co-artist, whom I appreciate so, so much… I truly feel blessed by it all.

Q: Do you ever read your own fic?

A: Oh, you have no idea... lol Yes, yes, and a thousand times more: yes. I adore Cherish; it’s not just something I wrote for you all to enjoy — it’s something I wrote for me, too, something precious that I adore with all of my heart, and something that I’m immensely proud of.

Every time I release a chapter, I read it together with my partner, and besides that, I probably re-read a chapter from my fic —if not multiple or all of them — just by myself at least once a week.

Needless to say, I really love Cherish.

Q: How many animatics do you plan to have for Cherish?

A: Ideally, I’d like to have at least one for every arc in the fic, plus one last animatic at the very end as a final look back on the story and a great celebration — which would make for six — but I don’t know how that will actually work out, in the end, given how massive of a project making even just one can be; I may end up making more than that or less — we’ll just have to wait and see, I suppose.

—

And, that would be all. Thank you for your questions, everyone, and I look forward to the next time we hold an interview like this together!

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the-knightmare · 1 year

Text

A Moment Alone

Happy Valentine's Day, my loftwing letter is for @itisebee. Thanks to @zelinkcommunity for hosting.

Also on A03

The sun had long set by the time Zelda’s eyes had began to hurt. A stretch, revealing her back was as stiff as her pen hand, told her everything she needed to know, and she had finished the last report for the next day’s council meeting.

It had been another day of endless meetings and documents. Her days began just as the sun rose over the castle, and while many would have delegated the pile of papers on her desk, Zelda felt a sense of personal responsibility for fixing Hyrule after the Twilight Invasion. It was a workload that saw the newly crowned Queen of Hyrule working well past dinner for the third day in a row. So instead of enjoying a warm meal, Zelda had hastily eaten the lukewarm soup and bread a servant had set next to the stack of reports she had been pouring over. Reports that were decidedly worse company than the man she had hoped to join at dinner.

Sighing, Zelda ran the brush down her hair, trying not to feel too disappointed at, once again, missing time with her husband-to-be. As one of the few skilled generals in her weakened army, he had a workload almost as heavy as hers. A crown came with heavy responsibilities, she understood very well, but there were times Zelda wished that burden was lifted, even slightly. Perhaps after they were married, she could assign the reports to a councilor or two, freeing her to enjoy time alone with her husband. For now, her mind was happy to supply her with daydreams of escaping for a week alone with said future husband to occupy her mind.

A dull thud outside her window stirred her from her thoughts as a pair of boots landed on carpeted floor.

“I missed you at dinner.”

Zelda smiled as familiar light footsteps crossed her bedroom towards where she sat. Arms wrapped around her waist as she stood to meet Link, a matching smile brighten his face. The tension melting away, replaced with the familiar warmth that never failed to set her at ease.

“I had hoped to join you, but my workload was too demanding tonight. I’m sorry I missed you.”

“You know I always like slipping in to see you like this, no stuffy rules and I can do this when I want,” Link said, pressing a quick kiss to her lips.

Giggling, Zelda twisted in his arms, trying to free herself from his grip. Link only tightened his hold, playfully swinging her off the floor. They continued their half-hearted struggle for a moment, enjoying the time they could spend as just another couple rather than the Queen and her fiancé.

A stifled yawn against Link’s shoulder brought them back to the hour. Silently, he set her back onto her chair and set aside her brush. Relaxing under his hands, Zelda allowed herself to enjoy as Link began to gently run his fingers through her hair. They may only get a few official moments together; she had come to relish these stolen moments when Link would slip into her room after dark. It reminded her of their early meetings after the Twilight Invasion, when he would sneak into her room to talk when neither was able to sleep. That was when Link began to comb and braid her hair, saying it reminded him of home where he would braid Beth’s hair in Ordon.

The only problem was how often she found herself awakened by Link settling her into bed after she had fallen asleep in her chair. He always made sure to snuff any remaining candles and hide any evidence of his visits before finally tucking her under the covers. Sometimes she had half a mind to pull him under the sheets with her. Instead of reading her mind and curling up beside her, Link would press a gentle kiss to her forehead before quietly slipping back out of her window.

For once Zelda wished she could throw propriety out the window, and under the careful attention to her hair she set her imagination to how she could manage it.

“Can you stay with me tonight?” she asked, thinking it only a thought as the relaxing feel of Link’s fingers at her scalp making her drowsy before he spoke an answer.

“Anything for my queen.”

His answer rumbled against her back. Zelda glanced over her shoulder, only to be met with a playful bow in the dim light.

“Wouldn’t they miss you in the barracks?” It was a lazy attempt to salvage the last thread of decorum they still maintained in their official courtship. Already, too many criticized her choice of suitor.

“They’ll miss me every night once we’re married,” Link said, flashing a smile at her, “and I can slip back before anyone wakes up.”

Zelda was attempting to think of an argument in her sleep addled mind when Link scooped her into his arms from the chair.

“Were you so bossy with Midna?” Zelda asked as she was set onto her bed.

“No, she bossed me around,” Link said as he began to remove his boots and outer garments, “and she would’ve told you that these rules are stupid anyway.”

“I suppose she would,” Zelda chuckled, “alright, you can stay. You don’t happen to snore, do you?”

“If I do, then you’re stuck with it for the night.” Link was already settling in beside her, having snuffed the candle at her bedside table.

His arms found her in the darkness, and their warmth brought Zelda’s drowsiness back with a force. It seemed that Link must have also been as tired as she was, his heavy breaths brushed her ear before they had finished adjusting themselves. Finding that she could no longer keep her eyes open, she sank into the warmth of the man beside her with a contented sigh. It was only a matter of minutes before she joined Link in sleep.

In the end, he did snore, but Zelda found that she had never slept better.

#loftwing letters #zelink #tp zelink #zelink community

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saiilorstars · 10 months

Text

Ch. 23: All Goodbyes

[Story Masterlist] // [Aitana’s Masterlist]

Fandom: Criminal Minds // Pairing: Spencer Reid x OFC

Taglist: @ocappreciationtag @arrthurpendragon @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet @averyhotchner @foxesandmagic

If you’d like to be a part of Aitana’s taglist, please let me know!

The manhunt was just beginning and the hope to find more potential victims was looking good when Spencer showed up with the uncovered names they were missing. "I got 4 names on the bottom of the list prentiss gave us. Luke Renault, Lawrence Riley, Lila Rafferty, Lyle Rogers. All with the initials L. R!"

"The CIA uses cryptograms like that to assign to non-official cover agents working the same case," Hotch relayed as they gazed over the new names.

"So do other foreign countries," remarked Rossi. "Those last 4 names are covers... spies."

"Wait," Penelope happened to take a quick peek and found something obviously wrong. "No. This isn't right." She plucked the paper from Spencer's hand and turned it over for them to see, her finger pointing to a spot next to a black mark. "Do you see this space? That shouldn't be here."

"Could it be a formatting error?" Aitana asked. Everyone else seemed lost too.

"No, this is a spreadsheet template. Formatting doesn't allow for this. There's a missing name on here!"

"It's another spy whose cover is L. R.," Seaver made the logical deduction. The only question now was what the name was.

Spencer remembered exactly what that last name could be, and the more he considered it the more sense it made. "Lauren Reynolds is dead," he repeated the sentence that hadn't made any sense to him not too long ago. At the other's questioning looks, he explained. "'Lauren Reynolds is dead.' Prentiss said that on a phone call 17 days ago. But her intonation wasn't surprise or grief. It was like a mantra, like she was reminding herself."

"Lauren Reynolds, L. R," Morgan picked up on it soon. "If Prentiss is the last name on that list, she's on Doyle's list, too."

"That explains her behavior the past month. The secrets, the evasion," Rossi said.

"She's been biting her fingernails again, too!" Spencer added. All the signs were there and none of them had seen it.

"She said goodbye," Aitana suddenly said. Everything was beginning to click. Just as the others were asking her what she meant, she raised a finger to give her a moment then headed for Emily's desk. Hotch had already tried calling her in the meantime and to all of their surprise, Aitana yanked one of the drawers open to see Emily's vibrating phone inside along with her badge and gun. "She said goodbye earlier and I didn't realize it." Aitana let out a deep sigh. How could she have been so stupid? All the things Emily had said...she was saying a goodbye.

"Why would she do that!?" Penelope was the first to freak out.

Spencer wasn't of the same feeling but more of a deep disappointment and sadness. "That doesn't make sense. Why run? We're her family. We can help."

"Doyle's killing families. She's not married, not close to relatives. He was ready to wipe us out," Rossi said, trying to make it clear for the others. "She ran to protect us."

"She's a trained spy. She doesn't want to be found," Morgan said, already thinking logically to do exactly what she didn't want them to do. "She knows all of our tricks. We don't know any of hers."

"All right, then how do we find her?" Seaver asked them.

"Here's how," Hotch said, striding up to their evidence boards. "Ian Doyle is our unsub, Prentiss is our victim. We profile their behavior and we treat it like any other case." The sentiment that ran amongst the team was one and the same. It was a deep pain. Hotch didn't take time to notice it as he turned around, continuing with the plan. "Because terrorism isn't an area we specialize in, I've reached out to an expert from the state department, someone who can also shed light on Prentiss' past."

"Who?" Penelope asked.

Hotch seemed to look over them for a moment. "Her," he finally answered.

The team looked back to see a familiar face coming into the bullpen. The shocks kept coming like a truck.

JJ would've had a much more warm expression had it not been for the terrible circumstances that had brought her back, but what she offered them was still her typical friendly smile. "Let's get to work," she instructed. It was almost like old times.

~0~

The team grouped in the conference room with JJ taking charge for the time being. "Ok, so I talked to a friend from Langley. He couldn't give me Emily's full CIA history, but he could give me this." Her fingers worked the old remote like it never left her hand. "She assumed the identity of Lauren Reynolds as part of a special task force called JTF-12."

The screen displayed them an old profile picture of Emily and though it was just from the neck and up, there were some obvious characteristics that did not belong to the woman they had come to know.

"I heard about them," Rossi remarked, only now vaguely recalling the name. "They were profiling terrorists, weren't they?"

"Yeah, assembled after 9-11. CIA and Western agencies contributed their best and brightest."

"But serial killers and terrorists have different personality traits. How does Doyle fit in?" Seaver inquired.

JJ nodded. It was a fair thought. "He was their last case. And now the JTF is on his hit list. Jeremy Wolff was victim number one, from Germany's BND. Sean McAlister at interpol was the second. He's the one that brought the JTF in to work the Doyle case." JJ brought the sequential pictures of each name she spoke of. "He was murdered last week in Brussels with his wife and daughter. Tsia Mosely of France's DCRI. She got engaged to Jeremy earlier this year. After he died, she fled to D. C. And team leader Clyde Easter, British s. I. S. He hasn't checked in since Tsia's murder. He was also in D. C."

"Did JTF make the arrests?" Aitana found herself asking, head tilting as she gazed at each picture. They were special profilers, as far as she understood, which left a few key pieces not fitting together.

"No, the host countries handled that," JJ responded, furthering the confusion. "The team moved onto the next case."

"So wait...if all they did was deliver a profile, how does Doyle even know about them?" Aitana's hands went back and forth between the pictures on the screen.

"Well, considering the shadowy nature of terrorist cells, they utilize a skill we don't... infiltration."

Ah, that would certainly make a difference.

"Who was undercover on Doyle?" Spencer made the question despite already having taken a good guess on the answer.

"Emily. She made contact with him in Boston to get intel on Valhalla. She was posing as another weapons dealer." At which time, JJ handed them photographs of Emily in the same guise as her profile picture. The distinctive marks of her appearance continued.

"Look at how she's dressed," Morgan said, "She seems awfully comfortable." Those clothes weren't even close to what casual Emily would wear on a normal day. "How close did she get to Doyle as part of her cover?"

"The recon they did on Doyle included a background of all of his romantic relationships," JJ's lips pursed as she went on, "Emily was his type."

There was a lot to (not) think about after that.

~0~

As much as she hated to, Aitana made a call to her mother to do exactly what she promised she wouldn't do. She was cancelling their plans again.

"I'm really sorry, Mamá," Aitana was going back and forth in her office. "But you've seen the news, you know what's going on."

"Oh, I know, and I am beyond worried for you!" Her mother exclaimed. "Please tell me you're okay?"

"I am," Aitana assured, preferring to leave out that her friend was the one in trouble. "But this is work and this guy...he's bad news."

"I understand, it's not you, it's work," her mother said, unknowingly relieving Aitana of a huge layer of guilt.

"It really is," Aitana promised. She paused when JJ poked her head into the office. JJ's eyes widened when she realized Aitana was on a call so she quickly made a motion she'd come back later. Aitana waved a hand for her to come in. "Mom, I gotta go!"

"Cuídate," her mother said.

"I'll take care, promise," Aitana said then promptly hung up. "JJ…"

"I didn't mean to interrupt," the blonde said, raising her hands up.

"No, no, you're good! I just...I had made plans with dying Mom-for like the 10th time and—"

"You had to cancel?" JJ finished for her with a rather nostalgic smile. "Yeah, I was once there too. It's hard."

"Yeah…" Aitana lowered her phone to the desk, fingers tapping over it. "They've been understanding though. I think they're just happy that I've managed to hold onto a long term job again."

There was a lot to take in from that one sentence but JJ was no longer the same woman who left the BAU almost one year ago. Seeing it left a pit in her stomach that could only be attuned to guilt. "I know I should have called in...checked in—"

"Oh God no!" Aitana exclaimed, eyes wide in alarm. "This isn't — you are not at fault for anything here, JJ! God…" She laughed. Her hand came digging through her hair. "I mean-JJ you're back!" she said as if it were the first time she saw JJ in the room.

JJ afforded the brunette a small smile. "I am," she nodded. Her eyes raked over the office that was once-for many years-hers. There were various more plants around, surely more than she used to own back in her day. The shelves had been, for the most part, emptied and replaced with Aitana's own belongings.

Aitana noticed it soon enough and awkwardly cleared her throat. "I, uh, had to make some modifications…"

"Of course," JJ agreed. She didn't want Aitana to feel like she shouldn't make the room her own, because it really was her own now. Her gaze fell over the desk where Aitana's name plaque stood proudly. She'd seen the same one on her door.

"I did leave this alone, though," Aitana moved over to a bookshelf at the corner of the room. "It's all yours and I didn't really want to move it in case…" She trailed off, leaving JJ to make the connections. It wasn't that hard to see what it was.

"I'm...not," she said, at least not in the way Aitana would presume she would. She had her own plans that were hopefully going to be put in march soon enough.

"Oh," Aitana slowly brought her arms behind her back. "I'm...sorry. Really."

"Aitana, you don't need to worry about me," JJ said, almost laughing when Aitana's eyes widened again.

"I'm not-I mean…" Aitana exhaled before she said something incredibly wrong. "This is...this was your office, this was your home for so long and...if you'd want to come back, I would completely understand. This liaison job is...not as easy as you made it look."

JJ couldn't help the smirk that crossed her lips. "I heard some stories before you officially came on. Penelope told me."

"Yeah," Aitana chuckled. "It took me a while to be able to get in front of the cameras."

JJ's eyebrows raised, her lips pressing together, "Spicy Sprinkles?"

Aitana laughed a full fledged laugh. "Oh God, they told you!" Soon enough, JJ joined her. "Morgan is…"

"Yeah, totally understand," JJ waved her off. "But if they've given you nicknames then it means you're fitting in just fine."

Aitana took her bottom lip with her teeth. "Um, yeah, they've been pretty good to me. I have my own struggles and they've been understanding."

"I'm glad," JJ genuinely said. "I knew I made the right choice leaving you here."

Aitana felt her heart skip a beat. "God," she whispered, shaking her head when she remembered those days where she was indecisive about taking the job. "You know, I still don't understand why you wanted me of all people to take your place here. I'm not a liaison. I was barely a profiler before I had to go into W.I.P."

"I told you before, you got along with every single one of us back in San Diego. You clicked with us."

"Huh," Aitana folded her arms, suddenly pensive.

"What?"

"It's funny, Emily sort of gave me this goodbye conversation that i didn't know was a goodbye conversation until she ran off. But she told me something similar to what you just said. I clicked with people, and then she…" Aitana laughed shortly, "She said I definitely clicked more with certain people."

Once more, JJ's eyebrows raised together, "Aah." So she had seen it too. "And, uh, how is all that going?"

"What?" Aitana blinked.

"I mean, your social life. I know I'm being nosy—"

"No, um…" Aitana tucked some hair behind her hair, "Despite what we're facing right now, things have been going well. I'm starting to socialize more again. I'm talking to my parents again. My brothers."

"Mateo's doing well?" JJ asked, remembering the poor man as part of her last case at the BAU.

"Yeah, thank God. He, my nephew and my sister-in-law are fine."

"And Angel?"

Aitana wave it off. "Fine too. Being an annoying older brother is something he and Mateo both know how to do very well."

JJ chuckled lightly. "Well I'm glad. And I'm really happy to know you've been settling in," she made a pass at the office. "Really."

Aitana nodded. "Thank you. Thanks for trusting me to take the keys."

JJ had felt secure when she first left Aitana with the job. She couldn't picture anyone else in the position but Aitana.

~ 0 ~

As soon as they'd gotten a ping of Emily's last known partner from the Doyle case, the team took a plane for Boston. The idea was that Emily would go to the place where the case first started and it seemed like they were on the right track because twenty minutes in the plane and Penelope had gotten an alert from the local Boston precinct.

"Emily walked into a trap," Penelope regretted turning her computer over for the others to see. It was a security footage of Emily facing off Doyle on the sidewalk, and a couple other things leading to it. "It looks like Doyle got into the SUV, but from this angle, you can see that he didn't. Which I wish Boston PD Would have told me before I started watching it. Sorry again for the screaming."

Morgan was incredulous wit what they saw on the screen. Emily walked by the car chucking something inside that soon exploded. She did it all without blinking. "She threw a flash-bang grenade into a car. She's lucky the 3 people inside didn't die! Is anybody else bothered by that?" The consensus around the team was not the one he was expecting.

"I mean…" Aitana was the brave soul who went first, "Speaking as someone who was hunted down by a band of homicidal men...no," she shook her head. Morgan raised an eyebrow at her but she kept to her statement.

"Illegal as it is, I think Prentiss knows she has to be as ruthless as Doyle," Spencer added, "He's come to the US to wage a public vendetta and hired a group of mercenaries to remain loyal to him. He has nothing to lose, so she has to act the same way."

"So how did Doyle know she was waiting for him?" Seaver asked. The footage showed them that Doyle had merely been waiting for Emily to get out of the car which told that he knew when Emily arrived at the scene.

Well, the mole must have told him, right?" Penelope presumed, glancing at the others for confirmation. "The same guy who's been feeding Doyle the contractors and agents?"

"And our best suspect was just arrested with a suitcase full of cash," JJ reminded them. Clyde was already waiting for them and it was sure to be an interesting interrogation.

"How do we get Easter to talk?" asked Aitana. "I doubt he'll cooperate willingly."

"I'll handle that," Hotch cut in, "The rest of you focus on Doyle's location."

"I hate to be the one to ask this, but how long does Emily have?" Penelope could not believe she was asking that. Another part of the job that she detested.

"Her best chance is also the most troubling," Hotch answered honestly, "Doyle saved her for last because he views her as his stressor. Which means he'll take his time."

~0~

As soon as they arrived in Boston, the group dispersed to get things done as quickly as possible. There wasn't any time to waste, literally.

Aitana got in touch with the local precinct beforehand to see how their situation was doing. Once she was there, she was personally able to see the arrest of one potential witness and said. Unfortunately, he wouldn't go easy.

"Get your hands off me!" The man raged as two officers dragged him through the bullpen towards an interrogation room. "Do you know who I am? I'm the man!"

Aitana was only a few feet behind, but she stopped by the remaining group for a moment.

"Who's that?" asked Seaver, raising an eyebrow at the man who only seemed to get louder despite getting farther from them.

"That would be Jack Fahey; Irish mob," Aitana said, sourly smiling. "He called Easter's cell phone 12 times in 6 hours."

"Any connection to Doyle?" Rossi inquired.

"Well, Boston PD says he's low level but the Irish mob has long-standing ties to the IRA." Aitana pulled her arms behind her back, her sour smile shifting into a rather innocent one. "So, who wants to take a crack at him?"

Seaver and Rossi exchanged glances, neither looking very eager to take the task up.

Aitana looked around to avoid them. "He's got some...comments for women." She had the opportunity to hear some of those earlier.

"Ah," Rossi understood. "I'll go get Reid."

Aitana let her eyes land on the man with heavy gratefulness. "Thank you!" With a nod, Rossi went off to find Spencer.

"Really?" Seaver whispered to Aitana when they were alone. She laughed quietly after Aitana shuddered.

~0~

Fahey turned out to be jittery and a smart mouth. Couple that with his excessive "kindness" and both Rossi and Spencer could see why Aitana preferred to hand him over to them. She and Seaver currently watched the interrogation from the other side of the window.

"Why were you calling Clyde Easter so much, Jack?" Rossi demanded for the third time and yet Fahey only seemed to care about one thing.

"Anybody got a smoke?" He gave Spencer a quick look-out. "How about you, beanpole?"

Spencer's face fell flat.

"What do you think?" Rossi would question first, giving Spencer the perfect opportunity to get under the man's skin.

"Narcissism masking deep-seated insecurity."

"Ah, so if we puncture his self-image, this hood rat will talk."

That got Fahey to move. "Hey, hey, hey, I ain't no hood rat. You take that back!"

"Well," Rossi started moving around the room, "You look like one. You smell like one. You smell that?"

Spencer sniffed the air, muttering, "Hood rat."

Fahey may as well burst into flames. "I am not! Take it back!"

"Hey, Jack. Do you know what a hood rat is?" Rossi smirked but all Fahey did was huff and look away. "You see what I mean? He's just gonna have to learn the hard way."

"I'm sure a few nights in the cells will do some good," Spencer said, already making a turn for the doors.

"All right, all right!" Fahey called a few steps before Spencer would reach the door. "Look, Clyde was gonna pay my medical bills, all right? This ear, it ain't growing back." He made a gesture to his ear under gauze. Both agents had been wondering what happened to that ear. Aitana hadn't gotten the answer either.

"What happened to it?" asked Rossi.

"This bitch teammate of his shot it. Said it was a warning!" Fahey went on without noticing the donning looks on the agents. "Thought she could take on this IRA Big shot named Doyle." Rossi rushed for his side. "So I told these…" Rossi didn't hesitate to grab the man by his injured ear, eliciting a sharp yelp from Fahey, "Aah! What the hell, man?! Jeez!"

"Where's Prentiss!?"

"Who? I don't know!"

"Lauren Reynolds!" Spencer exclaimed, figuring that Emily's real name wouldn't mean much to Fahey if he was involved with Doyle back then. "Where is Lauren Reynolds?"

Sure enough, it clicked in Fahey's head. "Oh. Friend of yours, is she?" His tone did not promise an easy ending.

"You tell us where she is right now, or I swear, I'll send you to a prison where they'll teach you what a hood rat is," warned Rossi, but this time it was not enough.

"And by the time you do, she'll be in pieces," Fahey smirked. "So, uh..my price just went up. 200,000?"

Rossi straightened up and glanced at Spencer. This was threatening to turn into something longer that they did not have time for.

~ 0 ~

"What other leverage do we have?" Hotch asked the group after having to bring Fahey out of the interrogation. He noticed the man flinching every now and then. His foot didn't seem to stop tapping against the floor either. "Is he an addict?"

"Apparently, he's having a nicotine fit," Aitana said, crinkling her nose. "He asked for a smoke in the beginning. No one's let him have one."

"We can use that," Seaver pointed, her lips growing into a smirk. "He'd relax, open his big mouth."

"Is that enough?" As far as Hotch knew, Fahey had gone upstake with his demands. He may look stupid but he was far from that. He read the situation well.

Seaver, however, was more confident. "Well, I'm pretty good with narcissists. Dated a few."

"You sure?" Hotch asked her. If it was up to him, he'd keep the same agents for the interrogation.

Seaver nodded. "Yeah. He's already had a go at Aitana—"

"Unfortunately," muttered the brunette, still shuddering at the flashback.

"—and he's sort of afraid of Rossi," Seaver finished, sending an apologetic smile in Spencer's direction. He merely nodded at her facts. "I can do it."

"Alright," Hotch gave them the order.

They would take Fahey up to the rooftop so he could finally get a cigarette. They would try to coax the information out of him but it would all end in bullets and one dead witness.

~ 0 ~

The last thing Seaver would expect after nearly being killed—and splattered with the blood of the now dead Fahey—was for Rossi to say she was the only one capable of saving the case. She was new—she was the newest agent at the BAU. The mere idea that an entire case could rest on her, and only her, made her stomach twist and turn with knots.

She would claim, in a weak attempt to get some help, that Aitana was also new. While that was relatively true, the other truth was that the liaison/profiler had known Emily for a few months more and had shared a case in San Diego and in D.C. before officially becoming an agent at the BAU. Aitana was out, Seaver was it.

"So what's been bugging you since we left Quantico?" Rossi started throwing the questions at her, not letting her take time to think about each one. "How about the affair? That bugs me! How does the two of them sleeping together change Doyle's profile?"

Seaver recognized the strategy Rossi employed. She wasn't supposed to think long and hard. "I-I don't know!"

"Come on, Ashley. It's textbook!"

"I haven't read every textbook!" It was a weak answer and she knew it. Emily once told her that not everything she needed to know would come from a textbook. Experience was a big part of the job.

"You want me to hold your hand? Fine!" Rossi snatched her fist, gripping it tight, making it even harder for Seaver to try and 'think'. "What doesn't fit? Just say it! What are you thinking? Spit it out!"

"Why families?" Seaver finally shouted. She hadn't needed to think about it. It was blaring right at them and yet nobody said a thing. "Prentiss is Doyle's stressor. He wants revenge on the woman who betrayed him, and I understand that. But why kill that child in D. C.?"

Rossi nodded approvingly, letting her fist go in the process. "That's the agent Seaver I'm looking for!"

Seaver's lips would pull into a small smile, for the first time she felt like an agent. She just hated the circumstances in which things happened.

~ 0 ~

Penelope and JJ had worked hard to dig more into the life of Emily's old team. When they were confident they had concrete pieces, they brought the rest of the team into the conference room to discuss.

"So, assuming Clyde isn't the mole, we looked through the JTF's personal records again, and Jeremy made some fancy plans before his death," Penelope started bringing up reference photographs on the screens for them. "Specifically, he bought a large estate in Spain. He signed all the documents with one of his covers. Made a down payment in cash, deposited the rest."

"So Jeremy sold the list to Doyle," JJ said what the others were surely already concluding. "He was the first victim, killed quietly. Doyle didn't want any attention until he was ready."

"Did Tsia know?" asked Hotch.

Penelope had to shake her head. "We can't tell. If I were running from a terrorist, I would cash in my IRA—not that one. The other...you know what I mean. My point is, Tsia didn't touch that money, so I don't think she's in on it."

At which point, Hotch would have to strike a type of deal with Clyde in order to get the man's cooperation. He wasn't a suspect anymore, not at all, but there were still things the BAU knew for sure wouldn't be disclosed even if the situation called for it.

A few hours later would have Clyde himself standing in front of the team, explaining what he already knew. "Ian Doyle's a power-assertive psychopath, highly controlling and very explosive when something doesn't go as planned."

"Ok, so how does this fit in with who he is as a family annihilator?" asked Seaver. "And Prentiss' role in it."

"Annihilators have a romanticized view of who their family is…" Morgan started saying when Clyde cut in.

"Well, actually, he was an orphan."

Morgan nodded, taking the comment into consideration. "Well, they think of family as their possession, until some law shatters that and starts them killing."

Clyde would agree but the facts still remained against them. "But Doyle was never married."

"Children?" asked Rossi.

"No."

"You sure?" Aitana didn't hide her disbelief, something that would irritate Clyde. "Because the way your profile has him with his murders being carried out in a surgical-like precision sounds like there's room for something you may have missed." The more she went on, the harder Clyde looked at her. In the end, Aitana had to avert her gaze until somebody else would step in.

"Perhaps this child was a surrogate for one he had," Spencer offered the alternative. A that, Clyde wouldn't be able to say for sure it wasn't possible.

Hotch decided to go with the theory. "Say Doyle had a child and you didn't know about it. Is it possible that Prentiss did?"

"Then why would she keep it from me?"

JJ raised an eyebrow at the man, almost uttering 'Seriously' in the process. "Who else was in the compound the day that you arrested Doyle?"

"Just his staff."

"All Irish?" asked Hotch.

"Yeah."

"That's a start." Hotch turned to Penelope who quickly nodded, raising her wiggling fingers to dive into the keyboard.

She would soon get a very likely match for who they were looking for. A young blonde haired boy with bright blue eyes appeared on the large screen for the team to see. "I matched Irish immigration records based on Doyle's employees. Declan Jones, he's the only boy who matches. He settled in Boston 8 years ago, adoptive guardian Louise Jones."

"I knew Louise Jones," Clyde blinked at the picture of the familiar of the woman. "She was Doyle's housekeeper."

"Are they still alive?" asked JJ.

"Declan and his mother went missing 7 years ago. Bodies were never found. Wait, what is this?" Penelope followed the trail of folders to stumble across some pretty dark pictures. Uh... God, someone took pictures of them being shot." She was sickened to find multiple pictures of the woman and boy tied up and being gunned.

"Is there an address?" Hotch quickly inquired.

"That looks like a warehouse," Spencer pointed to the surrounding walls and maybe even what looked like a metal shelf in the corner.

"It's gotta be big enough to house a small army," Penelope deduced on her own, fingers once again typing madly on her keyboard. "That's weapons, supplies. Let's see... which means it has its own perimeter. I got it, 1518 Adams street!"

"I'll start pulling in the teams," Aitana said, rushing out ahead of the others.

There was a rustling of movement after the address had been revealed. Only a few of them would linger as Penelope kept going through different pictures for something more definitive. One in particular pulled Spencer back. It had Declan and Louise still tied up but this time the gunman's hand was visible, their fingers holding the gun.

"Wait, wait, look at that. Morgan, come look at this…"

Morgan had no idea what the hell could be more important on the picture than readying the others, but Spencer had yet to be wrong about something so he came back. "It's black clothing and a hand, Reid."

Spencer shook his head and pointed at the hand holding the gun. "No, look at the fingernails."

Penelope saw it first from her own screen and gasped. "Oh, my God!"

They would recognize Emily's torn fingernails anywhere.

~ 0 ~

It was agonizing having to be away from the building while everyone else went in. Aitana took roots in the precinct, taking charge of the local officers to make sure the area was sealed off. Penelope would lead with the camera—whichever ones she could find in case something went south. Spencer and Rossi would be right outside the building on standby. Seaver and JJ had to reluctantly stay out due to their technical positions. Damn the rules.

But even when everything was prepared with as much precaution and failsafes, things still managed to slip from them. One moment, Hotch and Morgan were leading the mission and taking out Doyle's accomplices and the next they heard an ongoing fight. By the time one of them made it to Emily, Doyle had vanished and Emily laid on the ground with a piece of wood impaled in her stomach.

Hours would pass by in the hospital for the entire team. JJ disappeared for a few to try and use her connections and see what was going on. When she returned, all hopeful faces landed on her only to for them to realize what she was about to say.

No.

"She never made it off the table," JJ choked on her own words.

The first feeling was disbelief. How? Lose one of their own? No fucking way.

Penelope shook her head and turned away from JJ, as if doing that meant whatever JJ said wouldn't be true. Aitana, who sat right beside her, put an arm around her. The goodbye conversation between her and Emily really had been just that: a goodbye.

Spencer couldn't take the entire atmosphere, everybody in it nearly sobbing for who they had lost. He got up from his chair, almost making a run for it.

JJ stood in his way, stopping him with hand on his arm. "Spence."

"I didn't get a chance to say good-bye," he said, tears already blurring his vision. As far as he knew, Emily had come to each of them in her own way but he had yet to remember a moment between himself and her. Saying goodbye when they didn't know it was a goodbye was still better than having nothing at all.

Now the next time he could say goodbye would be at Emily's funeral.

#ocappreciation #ochub #fd: criminal minds #criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid fics #criminal minds fics #spencer imagines #criminal minds imagines #spencer reid fic #spencer reid imagine #cm fic #cm imagine #oc: aitana serrano #fic: against all odds

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