#also maybe im a cis girl and it's all in my head?
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i think part of the reason why ppl have a kneejerk reaction to others pointing out that marcille is kinda conservative (besides the usual desire to sand down characters edges to make them Less Problematic™) is that theyre thinking "conservative=republican" rather than similar to like, that girl who will swear up and down that she is SO progressive and 100% feminist and everything but when a girl doesnt shave her legs she says "ugh but its just so UNSANITARY" but at the same time if a guy DOES shave their legs she just "thinks its weird!!!", and if you point out the contradiction there ("didnt you say it was UNSANITARY to not shave? doesnt that mean you think ALL guys should shave?") she will BSoD a little bit and uhhhh i mean uhhh its just that–
or you know, someone who if you come out as a trans to her she'll accept it (after a bit of confusion and a few of the usual dumb cis questions) but maybe thinks that the way to ✨validate✨ you is to go all in on gender stereotypes like okay if youre a woman that means MAKEUP and DRESSES and LONG HAIR and ACTING LADYLIKE and PARTICIPATING IN GIRLY ACTIVITIES and NOT BEING TOO LOUD and NOT TAKING UP TOO MUCH SPACE. and if your a man that means dressing MANLY and HAVING SHORT HAIR and ACTING MASCULINE and TOUGH and BEING UNINVITED FROM THE (GIRLY) WEEKLY HANGOUT SESH
or people who like, will never outright say they HATE homeless people, like if you talk about volunteering at the soup kitchen or donating to the food bank shes like yeah!!! but then she also getting weirdly uncomfortable when it comes to actual homeless people who arent like, the model of 'trying but down on my luck', and just thinking the tents are unsightly and worrying about how if you give someone money on the street if they'll just use it for drugs and being anxious about the vague specter of "violence"
(im not necessarily saying "marcille herself would 100% do these things" but just "when people say marcilles a bit conservative they dont mean rightwing republican they mean like this kinda shit which self-proclaimed Progressives do when they dont recognize they still got shit that they picked up from living in a So Sigh Titty to work thru")
like, listen, a big part of marcille's character is that she is very prideful and sure of herself and her opinions. half of marcille's character building parts are "marcille has a preconceived notion! oh, someone challenges the preconceived notion! marcille is RESISTANT to this! oh my GOD this is AWFUL how could you CHALLENGE HER WORLD VIE- oh. oh wait no. okay you might have a point BUT SHE STILL HATES IT!!!".
she changes and she learns things! but shes kicking and screaming the whole way and kinda annoying about it and even after she has one thing challenged shes still got a whole backlog of other things she learned from So Sign Titty shes also gotta work thru even if she doesnt realize it yet. sometimes she gradually realizes these things on her own sometimes someone basically has to hit her over the head with the Very Special Episode about how halffoots arent children and orcs aren't evil and maybe shes treating falin a bit like a dress up doll and infantilizing her and like thats a problem maybe?
like. its an interesting part of her character! let marcille be a bit conservative. she aint perfect. actually theres a lotta little things she kinda sucks about. but its okay bc she can learn and have her tidy little worldview challenged and its interesting to see her go thru it all!
(and i also wonder if part of the resistance to people pointing out how shes a bit conservative in some ways is also like, refusal to admit "hm maybe i also hold some regressive views". like, the general thing of "wanting to believe you are already a perfect progressive and dont hold any shitty views" is extremely realistic, its defo a trap ive fallen into before! most of us probably have! but like, step one is admitting it rather than putting your foot on the ground and saying la la la i cant hear you)
#buzzy#marcille donato#marcille dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi#also could talk about the way ppl say 'marcille and falin ARE NOT toxic yuri' and like okay they arent TOXIC toxic but they are.#a teeeensy bit?#like#listen marcille has some shit to work thru wrt her treating falin like a child and a dress up doll and denying her agency in gen#and falin has shit to learn about not being a pushover and asserting herself and her own needs#like its not TOXIC by any means but. noooo they arent perfect. and thats interesting! they got issues to work thru why dont we explore that#yet another rambly post whatever#otjer people have said this more consisely and better but WHATEVER
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So I use a microlabel of my own invention to describe my gender experience: "gender ambivalent." Though this technically falls under the genderqueer and genderfluid umbrellas, I don't have strong connections to either of those terms. Gender ambivalence, to me, describes a strong association to gendered activities, clothes, etc. but not to gender identity. I don't feel any particular way about my gender, and I don't care how others perceive me. I am very femme-presenting and AFAB, but I feel as weakly about my connection to femininity as I do to masculinity OR to any other gender experiences. There might already be a label for this; maybe some people would call it graygender. But I prefer the label I came up with because it's simple and self-explanatory. My question is simple: do other people identify with this experience and label? Would others want to use it? And, if so,
#gender ambivalent#gender ambivalence#gender#gender identity#mogai#pride#graygender#genderfluid#personal question#not fandom#genderqueer#also maybe im a cis girl and it's all in my head?#but like. i feel fine when people use any pronouns for me (besides 'it')#once my brother's friend called me '[brother's name]'s brother' by mistake and i was like 'yeah that's me'#nonbinary#ahh. gender's messy.
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pronouns are confusing but not in the way transphobes think i just dont knowww ahggg
#like sometimes she her is fine and sometimes it's not#sometimes he him feels amazing and other times it feels odd and not for me#they them feels good all the time but it doesn't exist in german and unfortunately i have german friends and they gotta refer to me as sth#not that they know but yoh get it#im not really comfortable with refer by name only especially because i don't even know if i like my name lmao#like viv is fine for mg internet friends but irl it feels weird#my whole name is what im used to irl but i kinda hate it but it's good because im used to it#viv is also sometimes too femme for me#vee is fun but it doesn't really feel like me#i tried other names in my head (i have lists :3) but they're all dont feel like me#im starting to think i might be a bit gender fluid#bug only a bit#maybe it's just being autistic and having no clue what goes on up in my head tho but whatever it is it sure as hell aint cis#could just be a mix of that and whar im used to vs who i am etc#i think gender is a process#like transition to who you're meant to be isn't easy because you were (esp growing up autistic) taught that girls behave a certain way so yo#mimic them so much that you forget what you're actually like#wtf did this post turn into 😭😭😭 i gotta stop#tw dysphoria#tagging just in case
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holds gun to your head. what are your the locked tomb gender hcs. i like your art
thank you!! in no particular order:
harrowhark: thats a Thing. being she/her is like a thing that came with being reverend daughter as a job and she refuses to acknowledge gender beyond that- but she would fucking kill it with it/its pronouns lets be real
gideon: butch. thats all. kind of that middle ground between being gnc and transgender in any direction but shes fine being a girl its moreso the focus on being a lesbian. ive seen some top surgery gideon art which i love but thats not my primary hc because i think A) she loves boobs on other girls so much it goes back around to appreciating her own B) im gay
camilla: boygirl. shes transmasc but also still a woman mostly due to nonchalance about the whole thing. shares she/he with palamedes thats my dream
palamedes: sorry i meant girlamedes. girlboy. also like if he was a girl but still a boy, but contrary to cams side its because hes both, like if you overlaid two layers at 50% opacity to make a new color. blue-green. shares she/he with camilla. quinn @thatneoncrisis once said hes soft butch which is so real i adore that
tridentarii: the twins to me are cis (dont leave yet) primarily because i think if i stick to the bit of them being cis white women everything they do is a fucking riot and it simply is the height of all humor. that aside sometimes i do get tired of the bit and corona is so trans woman to me and i know with certainty that when ianthe was in babs body she was doing drag.
naberius: i dont think about him LMFAO
second: i also dont think about the second much due to lack of substance, but i can get behind judy. nonbinary woman to me
fourth: jeannemary baby butch for SURE. thats canon. maybe a she & sir if i think about it. in modern aus gideon will babysit them and immediately clock isaac as a future he/they
fifth: t4t
seventh: dulcie has woman swag. not sure if shes cis i feel as if im intruding if i wonder about it. protesilaus is some guy
eighth: who cares
pash: worlds most beautiful trans woman ever to ME. i love her dearly there needs to be more representation of women just absolutely fucking coated in dirt and motor oil with bad manners if you offer them water. she is not fucking cis that is in the hair
nona: she just decided to be a girl because she thinks girls are pretty and she likes them. hope this makes sense <3 shed fucking adore some neos
john: karkat vantas
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may i gently request MORE kat-stratford-esque reader with an enemies to lovers with billy, please?
10 things i hate about billy hargrove headcanons
A/N: ur so right anon. the urge to word vomit all about grungy, stubborn billy and his grungy, stubborn s/o
Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Fem!Reader, 10 Things I Hate About You AU
Warnings: 10 things i hate about you au, two assholes in love, enemies to lovers, fluff, hurt(?)/comfort, established relationship, arguing, cursing (cuz i cant control myself around expletives), minor slut-shaming
the story the headcanons
before the whole ‘being bribed’ ordeal, you two knew each other
well, knew of each other
you both had reputations and you were both pretty good at upholding them
you heard the buzz about the new guy from california and his nice ass and his loud music
and he heard about the chick who used to be a popular girl (and a slut, he heard) and then became a loner
so yeah you both had your fortified walls and your differences and your social norms to keep track of
however,,,,,
you’re both also smart enough to know the other is bullshitting immediately after actually having a conversation
he couldn’t wrap his head around why you isolated yourself
after all, you used to be cool (i mean, he heard you got pretty close with harrington more than once. that’s gotta count for something)
and you couldn’t wrap your head around why anyone cares about his ass (no matter how nice it may be)
tldr; the only things you knew about each other came from someone else
also tldr; recipe for disaster
then he’s forced to speak to you and vice versa—yadda yadda—and sure he’s not some jackass stoner and you’re not some shut-in vampire
and maybe he did feel a spark as cliché as that may sound
and maybe he’s not so big and bad, he’s just some new kid
and basically what you’re both thinking is…….. ayo r we aboutta kiss rn 👀
…
NAH im just playin, you fuckin hate each other
HE’S SUCH A JACKASS, ARE YOU KIDDING???
AND YOU’RE SUCH A BITCH. BFFR.
but maybe you’re lonely (you’d never admit it) and maybe he really needs the cash (steve harrington cash cow sugar daddy), so why the hell not
not like it’ll go anywhere.
that would be ridiculous.
👁️🫦👁️
okay so what you like the music he plays when he gives you rides and so what he thinks you’re kinda pretty when you smile and SO WHAT you both have fun when he causes a ruckus over air-hockey at the arcade and you both end up laughing and calling it a tie anyway
it literally doesn’t mean anything
he hates you, and you hate him
yeah….. you hate each other!!!!! duh….
that’s why there’s an awkward silence whenever he glances at your lips for a split second and that’s why you both pull away when your hands brush in the popcorn bucket and that’s why your dates always end with both of you grinning while he watches you duck back through your door
because you HATE each other 😝
honestly, after all is said and done, it’s really silly how nobody saw this happening before
because you’re both definitely smart enough to have connected the dots
but actually, common sense must’ve dipped out the back when you said yes to that first date
oh and all the “so are you two…. are you…???”
“ew gross no, i just….. i’d feel bad saying no, yunno? it’d probably bruise his ego”
and don’t even mention the “have you two…done it?”
“yeah right, i wouldn’t touch her with a ten foot pole if my life depended on it”
so basically everyone’s silently rooting for the two of you
because if they did it out loud, they’d probably get socked. by both of you. at the same time.
wait okay, because now all i’m imagining is how everyone thinks you guys probably duke it out like MONSTERS
like everyone knows your fights are VICIOUS and you’re both definitely like that behind closed doors
except you two are actually laying on the couch, sound asleep with his head on your chest and your hands in his hair
but it’s only because the movie was boring and it’s been a long week, duh, this would never happen under normal circumstances……..
except it happens all the time
like eventually it’s just routine for you two to nap on the couch under the guise of a shitty movie and busy schedules
oh the excuses
its always, but he sucks, and well she’s a bitch
and you both just have to keep coming up with new ones to avoid confrontation with your feelings
*sigh* if only someone hated me enough to cuddle with me and take me mini-golfing and sing me to sleep and braid my hair and make me mixtapes
you just know the final realization is GUTTING
you’re both like: holy fucking shit no i don’t love him/her, i just think he’s/she’s funny and actually really beautiful and nice to be around and makes me feel comfortable and safe and happy for once in my life—holy fucking shit i guess i love him/her
and then it’s all super awkward and dodgy and you both make excuses not to hang out but also when you don’t hang out, you both get really miserable and upset and unbearable
like everyone knows the days you two aren’t talking because you’re both nightmares
speaking of talking: you two talk about each other so much, people have to ask you to shut up. please.
the first time you meet max, she’s like “oh, i’ve heard so much about you. like literally. so much.”
and you’re both like 😳
and billy just drags you away from her before she can say anything else
bonus: once you and max get closer, all you two do is snicker and yap about how billy sucks (lovingly) and how boys suck in general and how max should just ask lucas out
you’re definitely her long lost older sister
seriously, billy has to pry you away from max if he wants to hang out with you
you’re inseparable
it’s obnoxious
and max starts a counter for every time billy references you (in a negative or positive way)
and before he’s even asked you out on a second date, the counter is up to fifty
……. okay now don’t even get me started on the actual relationship
like how you guys would be Lovers
with a capital L
all that hate would turn into love slowly but so, so surely
it confuses everyone, but it’s also really cute.
and gross.
the PDA 🙄 😍
there is no stopping you two
it’s too late, you’re a power couple, sorry
you going to all of his games and practices (you read the whole time, but it’s the thought that counts)
and him taking you to concerts (even though he doesn’t really like your favorite band. it’s still your favorite. and you’re his favorite)
yeah…..
masterlist
#billy hargrove x you#billy hargove x reader#billy stranger things#billy hargrove x fem!reader#billy hargrove headcanons#headcanons#stranger things#x reader#stranger things x y/n#stranger things x reader#fluff#x fem!reader#billy hargrove#enemies to lovers#10 things i hate about you
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post title pending. my weird swap au
this is the post im making for scratchswap, my au where i switch the post-scratch kids with the post-scratch trolls sharing their aspect (dirk-nepeta, roxy-equius, jake-eridan, and jane-feferi) and then the pre scratch dudes get swapped accordingly. yes this bc of the Parallels between feferi and jane and then i got a whole Thing out of it. im working on classpects/ages. characters under the cut
pre-scratch trolls
note for the record i did not think much about these guys
johune peixes: i have done 0 thinking on johune so sorry. theyre swapped w meenah and everyones really confused about how that funny little guy was a huge scary empress in every other universe
rozela zahhak: the sorcerer wooooo! pretty similar to canon rose shes just really fucking strong. good friends w aranea
dayves leijon: im still not 100% sure how to go about this one tbh but he does like romance in some form. also i got in in my head hes skittish. no idea where that came from. capitalizes b (glasses) and maybe something else?
jaidli ampora: oh i actually thought about this one a little! fashion is sorta fifties inspired like cronus but shes not a greaser thats his schtick. you dont steal a mans shtick. is there a c in that word or not
post scratch trolls
jaynce peixes: feels like i should work on that name huh. anyways jaynce does Not want to be the heiress (for reasons both transgender and not) at all and is in a little bit of denial about this. i lied actually a lot of denial. may or may not be moirails w jayque havent decided. replaces e and o with -E and -O forks and spoons!
roxxie zahhak: a little more into robots n shit than coding but still does that. bit of a jack of all trades! thinks deyirks lusus (its. kity) is the most special boy in the whole wide world. probably moirails w deyirk now that i think abt it but maybe not. im on the fence abt a lot of stuff here. uses some kind of prefix, emoticons have X for eyes, replaces x sounds with x, y (as a vowel) with ie, and s w z
deyirk leijon: WORLDS MOST NORMAL MAN (lying) lives in a cave in the middle of the woods not for catgirl reasons but because this guy is going insane in solitude works best when isolated. also uses some kind of prefix for a quirk. roxxie drops off robot parts at his house every few weeks and they make a day of it theyre Pals
jayque ampora: he helps feed gloybsub or whatever her name is and hes so normal about the deaths on his conscience. really hes so normal guys cmon. normal
pre scratch kids
mimi egbert: token cis friend sorry meenah. or not idc. more mellow because dad egbert is just a normal guy and isnt raising her to be the literal queen of the world. still meenah tho
hans lalonde: i am unsure about the name but i think its fine. the ultimate horse girl (therian). keeps maplehoof in the foyer. if he had to interact with his dad for more than 20 seconds they would both implode from the sheer awkwardness. the house is big as shit they just gesture to each other when they see each other and thats fine for both of them
manu strider: wears heart shades everywhere as a sort of joke. he doesnt actually know. caps lock is broken and refuses to fix it + uses kaomoji a lot. fujoshi to transmasc pipeline haha who said that
crow harley: im stilling working on which animal to furrify cronus with. watches a bunch of old movies and picked up those speaking habits. other shit pending
post scratch kids
fifi crocker: she wants to be crockercorps new ceo sosososo bad she would make up for all of their horrible crimes against humanity by uh. shes working on it ok?
neta strider: the she/her to she/they to they/them to he/they to he/him to he/they to she/he/they to The Creature pipeline. percentage of their diet that is fish he caught w her own bare hands has been steadily increasing. is trying to buff up on history but keeps on going down wikipedia rabbit holes and rereading the nyan cat article for the thousandth time. would still do the detective pony rewrite but would get sidetracked by the lolcat metaphor for way longer
eqis lalonde: do you know how hard it is to smush equius down to four letters? i just made this name up man. anyways i dunno what to do with her but shes a girl of the horse variety
dani english: diversity win this sickly victorian orphan child is genderfluid! fucking terrified of the lusi on the island. fancies herself sort of a romantic poet
the entirety of this was brainstormed while i was bored in class for the record. still brainstorming so im gonna edit this when more shit arises
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im ngl i kinda hate the idea that just cause im a nonbinary trans girl that somehow makes me less of a girl than binary trans girls.
my gender isnt like “50% girl, 50% boy” or whatever, im not less of a girl because im nonbinary, im girl+. my gender contains multitudes. its like 100% girl, plus 100% each of so many other things. why do i get treated as less of a girl for being more than just girl?
idk maybe its all in my head but i keep hearing stuff like this constantly it feels like. especially on here. ironically enough i think fucking twitter has felt less hostile. im scared itll get to the point where im not even considered to be affected by transmisogyny just cause im a nonbinary girl and not a binary girl.
is it cause i feel uncomfortable with so many binary female identifiers? i dont like the idea of being female, or a woman, or a lady, im just a girl. i dont like all these identifiers of being an adult binary woman. i dont like how restrictive it feels. i like being a girl because it feels more freeing. maybe this is all just my own personal word associations and maybe my brain isnt big and expanded enough to accept “you can be binary female and still not adhere to societal gender norms” but like idk that kinda sounds like “you can be a cis male and still wear dresses”.
it feels like the same kind of thing that cis people say to discourage people from transition and it feels like its edging me out of calling myself a girl. why cant i just be a girl? why cant i be so many other things and still also be a girl? why does being anything other than a girl make me less of a girl in peoples eyes?
and before someone tries to tell me “youre TME you should stop trying to invade our spaces” i literally have a dick and my ID still says M because i spent 28 years of my life in states that made it next to impossible to change. im taking so much estrogen i had to cut down because my levels were too high. im a trans girl. i have beard shadow i cant get rid of. im still insecure about how small my tits are. my parents still refuse to see me as a girl. i have a trans fem body. why is the fact i feel comfier being a nonbinary girl than a binary woman something that makes me less of a girl to some of you?
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kay so, the thing with calling out cis men for feminine behavior as trans in the original callout? i think the issue stated there was that its the same gender exclusionist rhetoric just... from the other side. its less derogatory, sure, but like does it matter really if transphobia johnson calls you a girl for painting your nails or if emily (she/her) does it. either way, its still just binary gender bonary. and i guess maybe some transguys would also not like to be called out for still having a couple of feminine traits as just "wholly girl", like thats almost their entire issue is that they dont want to be girl. all in all, presentation should not be enforced and calling cis men who do "girly" things is still enforcing gender from presentation. i really hope this isnt accosting you in any way i just kind of wanted to put my interpretation in your head for thoughts sake. you may in fact, just ignore me if you please. the other random anon who said you were pretty is right tho
“gender exclusionist rhetoric” is an extremely interesting way to word that i think. the difference is emily isn’t enforcing anything. she doesn’t have any power here. the other person ostensibly does and can and probably will hurt this mythical gnc cis boy for daring to be so bold as to paint his nails.
as a trans woman i can tell you that the whole egg thing is mostly a fun joke between trans women but apparently the ultimate insult to literally everyone is even having it INSINUATED that somebody might also be a trans woman.
can i also add its very gender affirming to have a situation i already understand explained to me like im a child while also being told im pretty. would you like me to fetch you a coffee as well, boss? is my pencil skirt tight enough? should i get under your desk now?
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oooo canon heads askgsmes sounds fun and i just had an energy drink i might go on a small Tangent here
okok, for Raph ROTTMNT i think its really cool that ive seen DID headcanons before! i was and am still a singlet but its awesome some systems find him likeable/relatable! much love to my system strangers/friends :3
for Alastor hazbin hotel i think all the tail headcanons are super cool (i dont think show-me has one and im pretty sure i didnt in my canon either), and also i like when people make me a lil gossip girl with rosie or velvette or any of the girls since i generally am know to get along with women easier (why, though, i have no idea).
ALSO i love trans headcanons of any sort. most of my canons i was cis, but i am not now and its super fun! sometimes certain terms/pronouns can make me a little uncomfortable but its still super super fun!!!!!
maybe not as long as i thought, heh
- Alastor (Hazbin Hotel) / Raph/Raphael (Rise of the TMNT / Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), #🌊🍕
x
#fictionkinfessions#fictionkin#🌊🍕#rottmntkin#hazbinhotelkin#alastorkin#raphaelkin#mod party cat#gamrep#canon heads
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Imposter syndrome is weird. Like is it imposter syndrome? Or am i actually an imposter in this situation?
I don't experience dysphoria. Or do i? I can never tell if it's dysphoria or just dysphoria because of my messed up identity situation. I hate my name. But is it gender or is it just cause I've never liked it? I have nothing against my pronouns. Can i really be a guy if im okay with she/her pronouns? My feelings about surgery and genetalia change often. I know i want to keep my breasts, but do i want bottom surgery? Sometimes, i truly wish i had a penis but other times, i simply dont care at all. I would be perfectly happy if i continued living as a cis woman going by my birth name. I wouldn't miserable. I wouldn't die. But also i want to have a deep voice. To have facial hair. To have bottom growth. To just be a man. But still i like she/it pronouns the most. I use it/he because i feel like if i dont use he then no one will take my identity seriously. But maybe im just a cis girl wanting to be different. Or is this all imposter syndrome. What is this. What am i.
Same goes with my identity stuff. Because i know i dont have any CDD because theres no dissociation but somehow still i feel like multiple different people. I choose to become them or "channel them" or "switch" when i feel i need them. I create their voices in my head when i need someone to talk to. I just choose who i am. Its all part of the trauma i went through as a kid and also part of my maladaptive daydreaming as a coping mechanism because of that, but what is it exactly? Is it just roleplay? Am i trying to fake a serious disorder because i find that disorder interesting?
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OC TRANSFEMSWAGBRACKET POGOGANDA. :bangbang:
introducing teh girl ever :
filip quarzen!! (she did NOT change her name post transition LOL. luv her)
she is trans in universe and out!! in the way where she was litterally originally a little gay boy and then i HIT HER WITH MY TRANSGENDERISM LAZERS!!!!! and now shes a little gay boy who is also a girl.
personality wise, she’s a silly gal who loves puzzles, musicals, and puppets! on a cursory glance she may seem shy and unconfident in herself and her abilities- and while the later is true, she can actually be very outgoing and bold! mostly motivated by a love of theater, she can be /extremly/ melo dramatic (a famous quote of hers slash catchphrase being “darkest day, coldest night!” at licherly any minor inconveince. shes SO silly!!!!!!!) she also has a tendancy to be sarcastic and a bit rude- since she does NOT have ANY patience.
unlike her (also ery transfem swagger having) friend luna, filip does NOT care abt rules. her fave thing to do is to CHEAT and BREAK THINGS and FIND LOOP HOLES!! which makes luna want to rip her head off. (they are best friends and also enemies they were not destined to meet and their distance cannot be blamed on fate but merely the poor actions they enacted in their youth that they will pay for in the blood of their own bond for the rest of their lives) and its FUNNY.
if she existed irl she would’ve made 8 billion bots to vote for vriska on the tumblr woman poll and would be SO MAD when she lost.
her backstory is also SO transgender coded if u think aboat it. like. her whole THING is that shes the bastard child of this really famous dude, and the famous dude has like. an actual son with his actual wife. so filip n his half brother end up going to the same prestigious school together n it gives filip SUCH horribke imposter syndrome. something something the horrible feeling of looking at the desk beside yours and seeing someone you could never be. seeing someone you wish you could be not because you want to be a man but because you wish you were cis bc then maybe. well maybe nothing would change at all, huh? but maybe you would be happier. he seems so much happier than you. why wouldnt he be?
and if this sounds super sad and depressing it IS its SAD but she does get a happy ending i promise but it happens LATER and she goes thru SO MUCH furst and im so sorry filip. hopefully putting u in a tswag bracket will make u feel better abt the. uh. everyfin.....
@transfemswagbracket @thegirlever @eralite (i dont rlly kno who to tag el oh el)
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hey so I'm a teenager and I've never really thought about my identity all that much. I've kinda been shielded my whole life from this stuff, but lately I've been interacting with some people online and I keep getting asked what my pronouns are. I'm afab, and I'm okay with being a girl, but I don't mind any pronouns. if someone used he/him on me or called me a boy I wouldn't be bothered, but I also don't feel like I'm entirely a dude. if someone used they/them on me that's also cool. and people using she/her my whole life has never bothered me. personally, idrc all that much about labels, if other people use them and are proud of them, thats great, I want people to do and be whatever makes them happy. but I'm kinda curious about where I'd land on the gender spectrum. I've kinda wondered if I'm genderfluid, but that doesnt exactly fit because at any given time I'm okay with being anything. so I found the gender pangender, but I don't feel like I'm "all genders". if someone asked me how I identify I just say I'm a cis female but by definition I'm not. sorry for this really long winded question, but in summary, is it okay to have like.. no labels? or does that make me cis?
hey anon!! hope life’s going okay for you kid!!
see the thing is, i used to stress out about shit like this too, but with different labels. i was like omg am i cis, wait shit am i transmasc, or am i genderfluid, am i nonbinary?
then i realised:
it doesn’t matter. what matters is what makes me HAPPY.
so, don’t ask “what gender am i? am i cis or trans?” ask “what makes me happy?”
if you wanna go by they/he/she, do that. if a label makes you happy, then use it. be happy and it’ll all fall into place.
the thing is, labels are like jackets. you can try em on for a bit. if you don’t like em, that’s okay! try another one, or lots of them, or don’t have one at all!
so basicallt, pick a label you think you’d like. maybe multi gender, in your case (having many genders,) and just, yknow, try it on for a day! wake up, brush your teeth, and imagine introducing yourself, in the mirror, “hi, i’m x, i use these pronouns, im multi gender!” and like go about your day, go to school talk to friends do the dishes watch tv and think at the back of your head “im multi gender,” just try it on, see how it feels! you can always ditch it if you don’t like it.
there’s this misconception that just bc something feels weird the label ain’t right. but that ain’t always true. someone once compared it to new shoes, and that’s exactly how it feels. sometimes, new shoes feel weird bc they’re just the wrong size.
but sometimes, new shoes feel weird bc you’re not used to them, and you haven’t worn em enough yet, but after a week or so, you think, goddamn these are so comfortable, how did i ever walk with the old ones?
so if a label ever feels weird, think: is it bad weird, or new shoes weird?
to answer your question: if you don’t feel cisgender, if u wanna explore other shit, then you ain’t cis. but if u want to ID as cis you can. it’s up to you kid. explore and fuck around with gender, and if you do turn out to be cis, you just know yourself better now.
now go be happy and fuck around and don’t worry too much about labels, alright?
sending so so much love!! i hope i could help you out. take care of yourself, kay? <33333
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Girlfit! Gamer socks/armthings and a sundress might not go well together on paper, but I like this fit a lot 🩷 girls just have so many more customisation options to pick from. And you know what they say, you gotta Get Railed in a Sundress 😜
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So! Girl Month is two thirds over... whats the state of affairs?
Its been a little while since I last posted anything substantive bc well... girltime has been normalised. In the first week I was very strict about wearing only "proper" girly clothes, not even using my normal dressing gown! But as time passed I've allowed myself to wear more unisex clothing - for better or worse. In general Girl month has become less... exciting and wild and more a mundane part of life. I go out in girlmode and don't think twice about it.
I've been on E nearly 2 weeks now with no effect, which I guess I expected but its a little disappointing. My nips don't feel any more sensitive than usual which is lame.
Sidequest 2 and 3 have not been completed, but I'm planning to complete 3 tomorrow which I'm looking forward to (shes soo hot). And I forsee myself completing 2 also bc like... cmon, how hard can it be?
Girl month has also been a little bit of a slut month for me- which has honestly been kind of the best part lmao. I mean my bodycount is still 1, but I've really enjoyed wearing revealing clothes, going out with my girltreat in, and thinking a lot about being a... well a free use fucktoy 😳.
Maybe I'll make another post trying to delve into the psychology of it, but I guess long story short... horny guys are gross, but horny girls are hot. That might only be true in my own lesbian*(?) head but I feel like its not just me who feels that way. Idk theres a lot to unpack there. Being a girl made me feel more confident being a pervert is what I'm saying, for better or worse.
(*For this month(?))
But to the main event: gender.
I started this month with the view that i was doing this for shits and giggles and nipple-orgasms.
I was planning to walk out of this having unlocked Cis+, as a BoyChad like Finnster who can walk through the Valley of Girl and not flinch at the feminine shadows cast over me.
But...
Rrrrrgh.
*deep sigh*
I guess... I'm probably not cis.
Yeah yeah I know the guy who volunteered to dress as a girl for a month for no reason is actually trans big surprise, someone call the pope, who could have seen this coming yada yada.
I will say that I'm not sure that I'm a girl either though.
I enjoy dressing up femme, and I get a little hit of dopamine whenever someone calls me Charlotte or uses she/her pronouns, but...
(Wait typing that sentence in real time just made me realise that i might just be a girl after all uuuh nvm continuing with my original point)
...I don't necessarily... feel like a girl? Like I mostly forget I'm a girl and then occasionally I think "oh yeah I'm supposed to be a girl rn. Or maybe... I just AM a girl for this month? Oh nice I'm a girl I guess sweet" and then carry on with my usual activities.
Although even that sounds pretty trans hmm.
(Good thing I successfully turned off Pop-ups or this post would be unreadable with the amount of Transgender XP I've gained lmao)
Does anyone remember that one comic? Its like the car driving "PENIS" face one except the thought is "im a girl". This is nonsense to non-tumblrinas I'm so sorry, if anyone finds the comic I'm thinking of please send it to me.
Anyway, i may not be a trans girl, maybe I'm nonbinary or maybe genderfluid or bigender or something else... but M** left Plato's cave when he became me/Charlotte, and I/she can't imagine going back in there and forgetting. Wearing a dress is just too much fun to quit lmao.
I definitely think i just don't have a very strong sense of gender in general- I've boymoded for family events and doctors appointments and felt no discomfort or dysphoria- but being a girl recreationally is just more fun!
I might do Boyweek in early november to try to solidify my gender opinions, but for now... my gender is almost certainly queer and i can't wait to find out what I become ^^.
Thank you everyone for reading and supporting me, thank you all my friends for being chill about this and thank you M & L for supplying me with E and thank you Y for being the madlad who took E for lols in the first place and MASSIVE thank you to the one who took me opshopping and opened my mind to polyamory and made this whole experience... just so much more comfortable and fun.
Oh and thanks to the random internet people who followed along too- Its been really cool to see this break containment in little ways!
Uuuh anyway this might feel like a very final retrospective post but I still have a couple of girlweeks left in girlmonth so I'll keep y'all posted with my future girlfits and antics!
Love y'all! ❤️🩷💜
#girl month#girltober#transgender#genderqueer#girl#gender#girlblogging#girl month nsft#girl drugs#hey guys did you know that in terms of male human and female pok-*sniper takes me out*#girl fit#i censored my boyname not bc I have strong feelings against it but just for internet privacy reasons lmao#yes i picked the vaporeon gif for that reason lmao
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vFlwoer...you know teh ourple one...
ourple...
My favorite song of theirs
ok i'm actually gonna be real i don't listen to that much flower 😭😭😭 SORRY. but the songs i have listened to are good she slays
i think given my blog theme though it's pretty obvious which is my fave flower song
Who I ship them with
OK SEE ITS COMPLICATED FOR HER im so torn 😭😭
ig(??) i do still for the most part think she's sapphic/has a preference for girls, and b/c of a friend my main thing was flowerin. i do like them v much and think abt them, they're cute. BUT a different friend of mine ships fukaflower and that's also really grown on me. BUT b/c of the internet and other mutuals too i've seen pikase and that's cute as hell too. so my mind somehow condensed that into the THREE OF EM (flower, fukase, piko) but i dont even know what tf i'd call that; its not entirely romantic but also not entirely platonic, something is going on and its made infinitely more complicated w/ how they all interact differently depending on what fucking timeline story thing we're in. and again flower & rin is also cute and flower has other cute ships too and AJKSDKJKJKJ 😭
i'll just say tho that the good thing about having several different story things where different things happen is i can do whatever i want and everyone can b happy. the bad thing is i end up overthinking it and also i have a tendency to not give the characters in my stories happy endings
My favorite part about their design
well for one i like how she has so many designs i think its funny lmaoo
v3 and v4 are my faves sooo... i do like the dress & longer hair of v3 actually, i feel its more like, actual flower-like so it fits (and maybe im a bit based b/c that's the design she had when i first vaguely knew abt her). but v4 is iconic, undoubtedly. its the first design that pops into my head when people say flower. i really like how its more ourple since her v3 is more like... black? hksjghkj. i like her striped armwarmer thing its quite funky. solid designs but theyre hard asf to draw imma be real 😭 i can never get them quite right
ALSO i know people dont like ci b/c she doesn't look like flower, but funnily enough i do kinda like that. the sorta uncanny valleyness, b/c u know its supposed to be flower and it vaguely does have some resemblance but its also not and something feels wrong. again though that might just be me b/c of how i twist that for narrative purposes and i have a lot of fun w/ angst shit regarding ciflower but sjkjdhjkshkjhakjhg
A random headcanon I have of them
you know those memes about people cutting/dying their hair after a mental breakdown? yeah that's her 😂😭
i don't think she actually dyes it, it's naturally that peppered white/black color sorta, but she does impulsively do shit to her hair sometimes, not necessarily when she is distressed but she has def done it as "distraction" from negative emotions going on. luckily there's some sorta thing going on that lets her grow her hair back really fast in case she fucks up, so she can test out as many hairstyles as she wants whenever basically. she does think fucked up hairstyles are really funny tho. probably once shaved her entire head just b/c she could
name a vocaloid in my askbox and i'll tell you stuff
#ask#i mean this in the nicest way possible but i get so anxious talking abt flower hcs specifically sometimes#i like her but i dont think i can really call myself an intense flower fan rip... which is ironic in a way??#b/c out of the memesquad ik abt her the longest. im very certain i remember learning abt her from like a circus monster chorus vid#lmaoooo. and it was her v3 vers. and i was like 'oh cool i like her design and her name's cool' and then i forgot abt her 😭 and remembered#her again after a friend showed me appetite of a people pleaser but i didnt recognize her at first b/c 1) cakey 2) v4 looks different? obv?#its weird w/ her... idk. she's funky and interesting but not necessarily in all the common ways she is said to be#scandalous reveal though i actually have not listened to some of her most popular songs 😭 at all. BOO FAKE FAN yeah IK 😭😭#i didnt even know abt rabu ka until ollie mentioned it. ollie if ur reading this i owe u my life 😂 that song changed me like fr 🥴#SORRY THIS ALSO TOOK SO LONG TO TYPE UP dont kill me pls 😭
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About Moi
Hey, Im Auty, Addy, Autumn, whatever you want to call me. This is my horny posting/smut writing library ;p.
This is a horny posting blog of fucking course its 18+. Its also a side blog so I like and follow from my main.
I'm a Trans-bian. Stone top soft pleasure dominant butch. Basically it means, I want you to cum until you cannot form sentences or keep your head up, dont mind me love I get off on watching it happen ;P
Women, and non binary people are my focus, a little bit of femboys or trans-men maybe if you know how to push my buttons.
I have some real shitty creative days so if you see a post that i think is trash and deleted is gone, i save them all so just dm or ask me to send it to you :)
Request some of my creative writing in my asks, I love ideas so if you want something written by me dont be afraid to ask, I can only write smut lmao.
Cis-het men DO NOT INTERACT with this blog. Dont want your input on anything I post and if you repost anything with cishet tags, message me gross shit, or try to interact in any way you'll get blocked.
More Below Read More
I'm not kidding when I say I'm very dominant lol. I only took the smol quiz and I like pet play more than the quiz results say so. Im also comfortable with mommy or mistress, whichever you like ;p
I'm into vampire stuff, blood and knives, cnc, anything thats in the quiz above, choking and breath play stuff, im into alot just not piss/scat and vore, I try most things out at least once other than those 3.
Thanks for reading this was way too long so, iunno here have a gold star, you are such a good little pup/kitty, girl/boy for staying and reading ❤️❤️❤️
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did u stop T immediately or slowly taper off? how are you feeling about it?
- guy also stopping T for the time being
i tried going off it immediately, my doctor said i could anytime, but the hormonal drop was pretty hard on me and i was really low energy and had a lot of brain fog, so i went back on it a little bit and took a lower dose for a weekish and then went off it. it was honestly pretty hard on me, hormones are so wack, my body was topsy turvy for a while but i just kept my head down and let it pass over time, and now ive evened out. puberty 3
i feel sad because i miss how my moods were when i was on T, i struggle a lot with fatigue and brain fog and energy, and on T im much more energetic and have stabler moods. but im vibing. i waited until the end of the semester to stop T for that reason, since im having a summer of rest and recuperation from living abroad for a year, now is a good time for me to stop.
i also feel good about it, i do feel a bit more in touch with my emotions now since i process them differently with estrogen. ive also been feeling weird about being read as male all the time and i like being more feminine rn. its hard to say if its had any affect on how people read me, but internally i feel better at least. maybe when ive been off it longer it will have more of an effect on me being read as a woman, we'll see. (also, NSFW warning, but erotic sensation is way better with estrogen for me. T is fun too but i think i prefer E for sex. i dont have sex with anyone but masturbating and stuff is nice lol 👍)
going girlmode for a while has been fun, genderfluidity is endlessly interesting and joyful, even tho its also confusing as hell and hard to get what i want. and even when i feel more like a girl i never regret my physical transition though, because i like being a girl with a deep voice and flat chest, and i never feel like (or want to be) a cis girl, its more abstract and queer than that, and i know if i change my mind again i can go back to being a boy whenever i want, im not trapped in always being seen as female like i was when i was younger.
so yeah it was hard for a minute there physically but now im in a good place with it! i might end up going back on it at some point, probably a rly low dose idk.
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